#anyway is there is a limit to how evil this woman is? probably not

[pergaminaa]

omg hold on i just realized something!!!

the Blackbeak Matron is the ONLY one who knew about Manon's bloodline, like-- Manon is an actual fucking queen by birthright and the Matron is the only person who knew it because Manon never learned about this.

so remember when Asterin was telling Manon what happened to her with her hunter and witchling? The Matron warned Vesta and Sorrel not to bring it up to Manon or there will be dire consequences.

Now hear me out: Manon fucking loves Asterin. If she knew what her grandmother had done, she would have probably done something like take the Thirteen and just leave or something like that.

We all know how the Matron loved threatening Manon that she'd replace her, but while it worked on Manon, her grandmother never really intended to do that.

It's the same reason why she wanted Vesta and Sorrel to remain quiet: she has a literal fucking queen at her beck and call. Manon is ready to do anything for her grandmother just to get some praise, and the Matron isn't going to let go of that. It's why she needed Manon loyal to her (through fear because Manon didn't really trust her but she fears what she'd do)

So at the end of the day, the Matron was after more power. She kept Manon by her side through unorthodox tactics because she loved having so much control over her. And also because of Manon's royal blood, she can have so much.

I think it's also why she wasn't fully against Erawan showing interest in Manon. Because with that union, she will reign supreme.

It's just-- the way she played Manon for her whole life for no other reason than being a shitty person is what irks me the most. She literally used everything that is Manon and twisted it, turning it into something ugly.

I'm sorry but when Manon just killed Rhiannon without even questioning it? Just blindly obeying her grandmother because it's what she's been conditioned to do???

Later on, we see Manon really struggling between doing what is right and doing exactly what her grandmother wants even when she doesn't agree with it. Every time, her grandmother wins (until the part where she was about to execute Asterin) and I honestly think that the Matron was happy with how she has the actual Queen of Witches under her command.

[littleapocalypsekitten]

*Looks in on the American Politics tag and asks self WHY?!" Okay, I am no political expert, but I'm middle-aged, have been politically-aware for American politics and have probably been casting my ballot for longer than half of tumblr has been alive. (I mea culpa for that time I voted for George W. Bush. It happened once and did NOT happen again). I was registered as an Independent until recently, left-leaning since 2004 or so... Yes, I am THAT old. I'd say I've been politically aware even since before 2000 since some of my favorite cartoons liked to make fun of politicians (I was really into Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain and politics was the source of many gags, showing that they were not shows just for children). Urk, anyway, with the election so close and people talking about some very serious issues, I thought it high time to remind people of certain things, things I have observed in every election year. Politicians talk out of both sides of their asses. Party doesn't matter, it's a fact. They will say what they think they have to in order to fetch the most votes. Whether they actually keep their campaign promises when in power is up to them and up to a number of other factors, such as how many other people on their side are elected (as well as how many of them do turncoating). - (I honestly did not expect John Fetterman to become the asshole that he became when I voted for him, but I still suspect he's better than Dr. Oz). This can be good or bad. I suspect, for instance, that the signs pointing to Kamala Harris continuing "Genocide Joe's" policies might actually get reversed once she's done having to play pussyfoot with "yay Israel no matter what" voters who are for the Dems' other policies. I've seen signs that she doesn't entirely agree with everything that Biden is doing (and remember, she's just the VICE President, she doesn't make policy. Her job is twofold: Tiebreaking vote in the Senate if the Senate gets tied on something and "Be there if the President falls down dead." That's it). Policy is such that Bills are proposed in the House of Representatives, are pass / fail in the Senate and if passed, go to the President's desk to be signed into Law or not. Executive Orders are another thing, but I believe there is a sharp limit on them, because we do not have a Monarch. Granted, I think the likelyhood of Harris continuing on Biden's track of supporting an ally-nation with the materials of war when almost any other nation would be getting sanctions is strong, but I do think there's a chance that Harris is pussyfooting for votes and can be reasoned with on the "stop supporting genocide!" thing. Maybe. Hopefully. I also think that "we" have limited power over what other world leaders do, ultimately. Trump would send nukes. American Foreign Policy Always Sucks. That's just the whole of it. We are an empire. There is no moral purity in living in / being born in an empire. I don't have to agree with it, I was just born here and for a variety of reasons, can't get out. Anyone who has the "America is World Police / Superman of Nations / Supposed to be the "moral" nation" was probably taught an idealistic history (as my generation was). Kick American Exceptionalism to the curb! I am planning to vote. It is my personal decision and it's not because I am supporting our horrid foreign policy, it is because I really don't think there's much to be done about it since it's sucked AT LEAST since the Vietnam War and I am concerned with domestic policy primarily (I make no secret about being selfish, concerned about things such as my status as a disabled non-wealthy queerish woman, and with concerns about my family) and I really think as far as foreign policy - either way is going to suck, one guy is going to suck harder (and possibly turn the world into a radioactive wasteland through either evil or dementia - and not the fun kind, like Fallout).

[erose-this-name]

Eka sa Kirra

This is Eka sa Kirra, she is a completely average female for her species.

She’s a Rherra, a warlike carnivorous species of human with greatly reduced sexual dimorphism. Basically "cowboy samurai yaoi orcs". They aren’t inherently evil, though.

Non-Rherric people confuse Eka for a male all the time, because... Y'know. They don't get pheromones I guess. She thinks it's really weird how much 'softskins' obsess over gender roles and pronouns in normal conversation. From her cultural perspective, your sex only amounts to having a ponis or vag (the only meaningful difference between male and female Rherra) and they don't really have a concept of cultural gender. So she doesn't really understand other species like Sapiens that do have genders.

Tig Skulzen (another character of mine) really likes Eka for this, as Eka doesn't treat her any differently than she does anyone else. Eka taught Tig that being a skinbearer or a fighter doesn't need to be bound up in gender roles or societal expectations. Because as far as Eka is concerned, Tig talking or acting femininely is just Tig being a Sapien, and Sapiens do a lot of weird things (like eating plants). Eka just doesn't question it.

Eka sa Kirra is an adventurer. Basically, it's where young Rherra go out into the world to hunt monsters and work as mercenaries. Because having battlescars and tales of heroic deeds is the Rherric equivalent of driving a lambo and making six figures in terms of getting bitches. Masculine bitches.

Eka had a masculine bitch, but then she lost him. She's currently on a self-destructive redemption quest because of that. She tends to bottle up her emotions very unhealthily, since her culture is a toxic masculinity feedback loops with nothing to balance it out.

Fun Fact: Melanistic scar tissue (scars turning black) is a common trait in some American Rherric ethnic groups. People without that trait in those cultures often tattoo their scars black since it's considered so attractive. Eka is very proud of most of her scars.

Fun Fact: Eka only 'prefers' she/her pronouns because she has a vagina and thinks that's what that means. She doesn't understand the concept of 'gender' or 'identity'. If she did, she'd probably prefer he/him. She rarely corrects people on it, since she thinks it's silly anyways.

Fun Fact: I mostly just draw female Rherra as "man" from the waist up and "woman" from the waist down then give them mouths full of sharp teeth. I used to imagined them with fur and digitigrade legs, but eh. Didn't wanna draw it. Some Rherra ethnicities have very thick body hair though.

Fun Fact: Female Rherra are actually slightly bigger and stronger than the males on average, much of which comes from longer legs and metabolism. They only grow breasts while lactating which then shrink back down after. You know, like literally every other mammal except homo sapiens.

Fun Fact: the vast, vast majority of Rherric purebloods have "masculine" gender identity, and are exclusively androphilic (masculine attracted), regardless of sex.

So gay relationships are pretty common, which doesn't really impact birth rates too much because surrogates / marrying specifically for children. The fact they can only eat meat is however a very significant population limiter.

"Queer" Rherra (with "feminine" identity/feminine attracted, etc) exist but are virtually unknown, and are usually assumed to be hybrids.

[burinazar]

(idk who will care about this post but i think long schpiels on extremely specific Thoughts About Media is a major use case for tumblr so you’re getting it anyway) i think i wouldn’t at all have my feeling of disconnect re the rest of fandom’s* interest in Bondord if he had been a woman. this isnt a bizarre critique of some sort its just a funny thought about me and what i like. twisted inversion of motherhood with a mad scientist character feels like, the concept has More For Me than the same with fatherhood and would create more intrinsic interest in the character

*especially ‘my cohort’ — the contingent who seems to have similar predilections like fic/shipping activity and also much of the portion of the fandom that’s, like, adult women — largely those folks are big Bondrode fans and enjoy Guebon and i’m like, i relate to your habits guys but have very little interest in your man. (for those who haven’t heard me bitch about this before: i dont hate him but i have littlr interest in seeking out art or fic of him or anything and I’m kinda sad that he’s the only adult character who ever got like figures and nendo and stuff.)

hopefully no one takes this personally lol. hell, i don’t care if Bon fans think Belaf is boring! that is in fact vastly preferable to people who are randomly mean about my ships. please feel free to just ignore my favorite characters’ existence instead.

anyway like

if he’d shown up as A Horrible Science Woman and then the movie recast her into Also A Loving (But Still Horrible) Mother i’d probably like this chara much more. it’s not like because Ooh Evil Woman Hot or something. actually i think i still wouldn’t find her hot the way most of the aforementioned Bondord Enjoyers do. i pick up a new ‘character i think is actually hot’ very rarely and then they stay forever. i have very limited slots for that tbh. (also this is just me complaining now and no longer relevant but such characters tend to be pretty unpopular lol and have very little r18 content/fic available and generally this drives me to despair. i drew a picture about the top offenders once.)

it’s more..i think the fucked up inversion of motherhood is more intrinsically interesting to me than with fatherhood. it’s just a personal interest thing. i think that sort of thing is neat. if i ever bother to go watch chainsaw man it’ll be because i know that’s a thing that it gets into and many people like what it does there. also there’s how much i dig mapping parts of this show onto other parts (in fact this is already the context in which i do manage to find him interesting sometimes — the Riko Waz Bondird sliding scale of what lines you’ll cross is the one context in which i have a brain cell to focus on this guy lol.) and in that regard motherhood is part of the premise of the show and all and ways it can be inverted and fucked up is a big deal in my favorite arc even if this isn’t *why* it’s my favorite arc. so i think i’d also enjoy being able to make more parallels with it. even though the general parallel of ‘versions of parenthood’ is still available, i think bad mad scientist fathers are just a less intrinsically Oh Cool concept to me than ‘bad mad scientist mother.’ (Yes I Do Like Prospera Btw)

related: even though I love love love Waz and you guys know this, it also took a while for that to click into place after meeting him. but one time I saw Oriole’s girlWaz tenderly cradling one of the Irukos and i instantly realized that if he had been a woman and the visual of him with the baby and a knife had thus inevitably channeled inverted motherhood and dovetailed with the existing examinations of motherhood in the arc and in abyss as a whole, i would have loved him instantly instead of having to let my thoughts on him percolate.

[pierayanna]

Thoughts on US election

it’s concerning how normalized performing for social media is. and it’s gotten to the point that I don’t even people realize it because they’re performing for themselves not necessarily to be seen by others. cause how are yall so happy, ecstatic even, to cast your vote for a cop genocidaire but was just posting “Free Palestine” & “Justice for Sonya” ??? Literally publicly celebrating voting for such evil.

and it was plenty of *genuine* bipoc leftists that obviously understood our experience under trump & limitations of third party candidates and were clearly for voting for Harris. even sharing these ideas. but the vitriol yall had for them saying to not just give this woman the vote and push her to not be *as* evil was soo bizarre. Yall keep saying lesser evil and now your red line isn’t even genocide??? These people actually know the theory, practice it, and actually do things besides vote every 4 years, yet yall were so quick to dismiss them and antagonize them for trying to push the candidate *yall both want* to stop killing thousands of people???

I understanding voting in your best interest. I don’t understand sacrificing millions of lives for it and I don’t understand CELEBRATING & PRAISING people committing atrocities. Just vote. And Harris knows yall don’t care about any of the genocides which is why she had that entire performance telling people protesting HER administration murdering hundreds of thousands of people to stop speaking or someone else would continue the killing. ??? And yall celebrated that ??? Because if yall listened to people trying pressure her with their vote (the way it should be done if you are going to participate in this evil institution) to push her to change her evil policies, she probably would have changed them (or at least claimed to)

And do yall genuinely know her policies… because it’s giving AKA trump

Be the same people who don’t understand our struggles are all connected but want to post Malcolm X. The same people who don’t understand the IDF trains OUR police force. The people that murdered Sonya. The same people who fear monger worse every 4 years to get the democratic vote but don’t understand fascism has been here. The same people that post love, light, & biblical scriptures (I can’t take yall seriously lmaooo). Yall legitimize these evil institutions that only care about capital so much and jump to able to celebrate them. That’s really the part that’s getting me, like okay share your candidate, but to praise and celebrate and glorify a cop genocidaire?? Unconditionally??? No pressure to stop committing genocide, no pressure to change her policies (the few I’ve seen because there’s none on her website lmaooo) that resemble project 2025, just praise & glory for a genocidal lady.

And I hate this but I guess yall genuinely do not care unless it’s literally you or your family (and you’ll probably give a modicum of a fuck then, not enough to not be in service to the empire, eager to celebrate them)

Also (thought I was done lmaoo) yall don’t understand the merit in community. So busy trying to play the empires game in which you will always lose, you don’t see how you can stop playing it without destroying it first. Because people will need support once the empire falls anyway. How about build that community with everything you need first anyway?? Nvm that building sovereignty is how you can escape capitalism’s grip anyway.

[tianrenart]

Alastor, magic and symbols

I posted these thoughts over on twitter. But I’ll post them here too. I’m just more active on the bird app cause I am still unsure of how exactly tumblr works 😅

Anyway I am close to 100 followers on twitter and to celebrate I was going to draw Alastor in a special outfit I saw on Pinterest with a few tweaks. While doing so this thought came to mind. Alastor’s shirt forms an upright cross. I find this interesting because in hoodoo specifically Christian iconography is used as power and even saints are used to stand in for deities. The only time we see an upside down cross on Alastor is when he is dressed as a nun and directly mocking Christian institutions. Key word here is “instruction”. A lot of magic practices during the time Al’s mom lived would have been covered up using Christian iconography.

If his mama was a Conjurer herself ( and he learned it from her) she would have put a Christian spin on it in order to sell workings, so they would appeal to a wider audience. Just interesting to think he might get power from iconography like that. Which would maybe add to why he really thinks Charlie’s idea of redemption is stupid. Because he sees all this as symbolic of power and how heaven is hypocritical and just another symbol of power and domination.

I still believe Al’s mama is in heaven and that as a single mother with limited options for work as a black woman she probably uses conjure as a side hustle to provide for her son. Not all magic is bad and I hate the idea that voodoo or hoodoo is automatically evil, when it literally helped give power to a group of people forced into subjugation.

[strywoven]

anyways , i wanna briefly discuss the moment when everything fell apart for verona back in the 20th century-- that very obvious point when her state of being completely COLLAPSED in upon itself ( every sense of moral obligation , every regard for her fellow sorcerer ... annihilated , torn asunder ) .

picture , if you will , surrounded by “peers” ( though none were really so welcoming of verona , none so accepting ; she always suspected their contempt , she could smell it on them like a foul , festering perfume ) , enduring their company , AWAY FROM HOME IN A WHOLE OTHER TERRITORY .  and then , you notice several of them exchanging glances , checking the time - 12:30a , oct. 31st , 1931 - and slowly , surely , beginning to form a collective around you.

something , something is not right.

you remember lenore BEGGED YOU not to leave the night before , saying something about how it “felt wrong” … but you ignored her , dismissing it. and now , 12:35a , you feel it , you see it in flashes : wife and daughter , thrown to the ground amid the chaos of your clan’s estate being raided , executed by single gunshot , the sound ringing in your ears ( the echoes of wife's final words : by god , verona , please - please forgive them ! ) before everything in the present falls completely quiet.

… to say verona was beside herself in that moment was a GRAVE UNDERSTATEMENT .  verona is well-known for her composure , but there was no maintaining herself when the reality of it all sunk in ( premeditated ; all of this , right down to being lured away from home & surrounded en-masse to limit a route of escape ) .  she confronted those who brought her out to begin with.  as you might well imagine , it led into an altercation and with her being forcibly restrained.  however , if you know anything about a woman scorned - especially one that can conjure incredible physical strength - you could probably envision that it took several people to detain her and keep her still.  

she was FURIOUS , yelling at all of them , "cast your stones , the lot of you , when none of you are without sin ! when none of you are beyond becoming monsters just as i have !" the price , two lives - two innocents - caught in the crossfire of a war that never truly ended.  her fury escalated further , accosting them all for being "senseless mongrels" and for promising she would destroy each one of their families in return , perhaps not this century , but later ( a promise which is later fulfilled ) .

when that curse was laid upon everyone present , one of the sorcerers quite plainly took the shot and blew off half her skull , saying in turn , "i think we've heard quite enough of that. happy birthday , ms. valhyr."

to which someone in the crowd , horrified , was like , "is she even dead ?"

and the man ( idk i keep calling him jerome ; some european council big-wig ) replied , "evil does not die.  it simply festers."

i should point out : even with half her face blown away and her body “dying” , own viscera smeared across the marble floor … she was CONSCIOUS & LAUGHING ( if only for a few moments ) , albeit weakly , but the effect was there , people were terrified of her and that sentiment would remain for good.

and what's worse , these people DENIED allowing her the right to see the bodies , to say good-bye to them.  so it is ASSUMED that they simply tossed the carcasses unceremoniously into an unmarked ditch somewhere ( & no , verona never found them ) .

[wri0thesley]

lI have a friend who has played Honkai since CN release and we agreed that Otto is both an asshole and a tragic figure.

I’m sure other anons have already told you about how awful and creepy that guy can sometimes be. Like the cloning, the experiments, the obsession with Karen… Still, one thing that struck me out is that, from another POV, this is just the makings of a tragic character - we hate him so much because he did OUR girls dirty and we love our girls. But to the core of it, Otto doesn’t do all of this because he enjoys torturing girls or experimenting or finding the limits of humanity. He does it to revive Karen.

(And in the end, it isn’t even revival he settles for, this man literally goes into an unexplained and impossible place where the tree responsible for creating alternative realities is, and forces it to grow branches where Karen survives. At the expense of his own existence, I think? It’s been a while. Thus Spoke Apocalypse was truly a masterpiece.)

I’m more of a fan to the “head canon” that Otto treated Karen more as a God and a figure of faith for all the good in the world than his lover. Thus Spoke Apocalypse sees him lamenting the fall of heroes (Karen) while the wicked and the evil (him and others) live on.

BUT ANYWAYS… BUT ANYWAYS… Continuing on. Otto doesn’t do it out of malice NOR the goodness in his heart, he’s just doing it for the sake of reviving Karen at any cost. I think he spared his eventual granddaughter on a whim and nostalgia, and then eventually grew feelings for her. While he wishes that Teri was out of harms way in his goal, he would not stop in his footsteps just for her, not when Karen is on the other scale. My friend and I agreed that he was a complicated figure that’s very very very easy to hate because 1) he’s the villain that kickstarts the tragedy of our tuna 2) he experiments 3) he treats almost everyone as dispensable pawns 4) he loves a woman who is gay for another woman and people want him to stop 5) it takes a while for his character to release all the juicy bits.

But despite all of that, the organization he created for the sole purpose of reviving Karen and which committed atrocities in the background, is ALSO responsible and vital for humanity’s continued victories against honkai. Their strongest Valkyrie, Durandal, is a good woman and she is aware of what the organization does, but in an earlier plot she confronts an escaping tuna and rebuts with how millions of humans are still alive BECAUSE of Otto’s organization. I don’t remember all the points, but technical consensus if we are speaking of lore alone, Otto has kept humanity afloat for the past few centuries because of his organization, his deeds, his obsession.

Perhaps he would have had a better story if only he didn’t fell in love with Karen (who’s so good it can either be endearing or disgustingly hypocritical) and instead fell in love with someone else who wasn’t as absolute good as Karen (the girl decides to walk to her death herself… in CN servers the opinions on her are split between liking her or hating her).

On the other hand, if he hadn’t been obsessed with the tragic end of Karen and did many atrocities in her name, humanity probably would have ended up dead or way more trashed than in canon. But probably it doesn’t matter who, as long as it’s someone Otto loves, if they died in any way at any point, he’s the kind of obsessed person who would do anything to revive them or give them another chance to survive - at any cost.

Hm. Technically he could be the Male MC of a romance manhua that ended with the heroine dead, and second season is him t trying to revive her and he’s the villain?

COUGH COUGH

A lot of people comparing Luocha and Otto a lot (obviously hahaha) but I kinda hope Hoyoverse doesn’t pop out with another Karen that Luocha obsesses over. For one, it’d be hard to replicate Thus Spoke Apocalypse when Otto had 500 years to germinate his foolish plan. For two, Hoyoverse just stop torturing my man and his alternative characters with these unrequited love plots and GIVE HIM TO ME!!!!!!!☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Anonymous asked: Void Archives is Void Archives, but he looks like Otto apparently because when the guy entered the Imaginary Tree in Thus Spoke Apocalypse and was erased out of existence, Void Archives decided to, on a whim probably, take on his looks when he interacted with OTHER characters.

I think Void Archives takes on Otto’s image when he speaks with Welt at some point in HI3. Plot is kinda difficult and unless you micromanage all the notes it can be difficult…

Anonymous asked: There's also a theorie that's the coffin Luocha carry has the dead body of Kallen (the lesbian dead crush)

Anonymous asked: Also the HONKAI game developers love putting Otto, welt and Kevin in idol dresses for some reason

me trying to keep track of all of these things you guys are telling me about the alternate version of a man ive seen in game for about ten minutes and desperately want to bone:

dfnjbkgfjnkb no but i do appreciate it!!! i do not think i will ever play honkai because it seems so complicated (and 'fantasy game' and 'space game on a train' are easy concept that i am SO into), but it is nice to know from the people who know Lore what is going on! i am sure playing other honkais would give me a good/better idea of whats going on but hopefully hoyo are also aware star rail will be lots of people's first honkai and not make it too reliant on knowing so much! <3

[aetheternity]

i like hearing you talk about things so here's this: which characters do you think are underappreciated/not respected enough by the fan base? (besides the ones that you've made very clear of)

I've said it before and I'll say it again Xiao. I feel like a lot of people see him as some sort of hot object to project themselves onto either that or some kind of ship bait. I wish more people saw him as the beautiful character he is and yeah that's probably rich coming from someone who mostly posts Xiao when it's in relation to Aether but I truly do love his character as its own thing. I love how gentle he truly is despite his rough exterior. I love how socially awkward he is. I love it when he starts in on his old friends because it's the love he has for them still inside him showing. I love how dedicated he is to protecting Liyue and never takes credit for it. I wish he was a little less hard on himself and allowed himself to feel outside of his normal limits but yeah his karmic debt is scary and dangerous and he's always a little worried which makes sense because he's so so sensitive and it's really adorable 🥺 I wish I used him more but I truly hate his burst. Like HATE. I hate how annoying it is to use omg. But yeah he's so mischarcterized as like this hard ass dom and I'm like be serious he would cry the first time you tell him you love him 😭😭 I know you said besides the usual anon but like not enough people talk about Xiao as he is and not what the fandom has made him.

Qiqi 😭😭

My sweet little girl! She doesn't deserve literally any of the shit the fandom gives her. She's just a two hundred something year old little girl who wants to remember and live and dream. She told Traveler she wants to live with them till death. She's a really good healer even at C0 and she begs not to be buried again when she dies. She's way too cute. I wanna give her the world.

I think I've said before that Diluc deserves better. He's always called emo and stuck up but I have a secret love for Diluc. He's so caring and capable he immediately sought to help Venti without even being asked to. He loves Mondstadt so much he became rip off batman to protect it from evil. He used to own a turtle. He loves grape juice and hates wine despite being the owner of a tavern. He's just made fun of so much but he's such a unique and interesting character. I love his dark dealings and how he takes on the Fatui all on his own without asking for help and even when he knows it will ultimately do a lot of good for the Knights of Favonious he still helps out anyway. I'll never understand why people hate him so much. Mostly because I've never seen a Diluc hater explain why they hate him. It's always just "I hate Diluc." I don't get it.

Jean as well. She's so cute she is the only anemo female that I use on a consistent basis despite hating the mechanics of her burst. I hate how people simplify her to just being a woman obsessed with her job. Putting her in the same group as Ganyu and Kokomi like bitch Jean loves reading romance novels and projects onto the characters because she wants romance too! She used to own a turtle too! I am seriously so so happy that someone wrote that in Jean and Diluc are turtle twins. I hate that everyone forgets it's so freaking cute 😭. Jean literally had to take on a job that requires her to: make orders for groups of individuals on a daily basis, protect Mondstadt at all times including during fucking festivals, watch over K*ee and take care of the tiniest most ridiculous problems Mondstadt has to offer. Cause if Jean had been there she would've had to help Venti get his strings back and listen to Kaeya's demands. I probably missed some stuff she does on a daily but like yeah I think you get my point. I one thousand percent believe if Traveler weren't there and Jean just up and fainted again the whole city would be up in smoke in less than three hours. I don't think Jean deserves to be considered as nothing more than a hard working woman. Plus unlike Albedo with that little brat K*ee I one hundred percent believe Jean would hang out with Barbara all day if she could.

[maaruin]

Hot Take: The Harry Potter books probably helped, not hindered, trans rights

While we are on the topic of Harry Potter, let me share my thoughts on a particular observation.

The observation: very very few of the people who grew up with Harry Potter followed J.K.Rowlings into TERFdom. Instead, when JKR became hostile to trans people, they either dropped the books or simply didn’t care about her opinions.

Why is that? Well, support for trans rights is normally packaged with support for other marginalized groups and other socially progressive causes. And there does seem to be a correlation there. (There was a study that showed that Harry Potter fans are more likely to oppose Trump even after controlling for things like Gender and Education.)

Now look at this, when reading Harry Potter, who is more memorable: Voldemort or Rita Skeeter? Voldemort of cause, he is the main villain, Rita is a secondary antagonist, mostly limited to a single book. Voldemort is pretty obviously similar to Hitler, while Rita is maybe supposed to be a trans woman but the hints are so subtle they go over most people’s head. The parts of a story that stick in mind are the things that are important in the book, and fighting against a Nazi analogy is one of these things. This is a message about who is good and who is evil that the reader is supposed to apply to the real world.

With me so far? Okay, here is how this connects to social progressivism: In a socially progressive worldview the Nazis are the ultimate evil and other ideologies are generally judged in their evilness by how close they seem to be to Nazi ideology. And the core of what makes Nazis evil is their violence against minorities. (Conservatives also view Nazis as evil, but there is a different emphasis: They tend to put Nazis and communists on the same level and view totalitarian government as the core of the Nazis’ evil.) So, in the progressive worldview, Nazis are the big evil because they committed genocide against minorities, conservatives are a smaller evil because they discriminate against minorities.

And now you have a generation of people who read in their favorite book that Nazis are the worst evil, and their history class in school may also teach them that the Nazis are the worst evil. And then they encounter a movement that calls them to political action against the things the Nazis stood for: racism, but also sexism, homophobia, etc. So people adopt that worldview and that includes support for trans rights and at some point they go somewhere where JKR doesn’t want to go.

I wonder if she knows this? I wonder if she is frustrated by this?

(A suspicion I have in this context is that people who grew up playing shooters in which the central conflict was Americans vs Islamist Terrorists ended up on average more right wing than other people their age. I do think if the central conflict of the fiction most important to us when our beliefs are still forming is close to the self-image of a common worldview in the real world, we are more open to adopting that worldview. And the idea that the central conflict was USA vs Islam was both present in popular games of the 2000s and the news media of the 2000s.)

Anyways, this was my case that over the course of her life JKR has helped trans rights more than she hurt them, even though that was never her goal. (But that doesn’t necessarily mean her books should be read now.)

[la-amarga-lizard]

So I’m planning on making a comic (and probably a fic for a more explained version of the lore) centered around the development of Artie and Bob’s relationship.

I thought I’d just explain the basis of my idea, and I believe I should start out and say, my ideas are very much inspired by Resident Evil.

So, Artemis is a very wealthy woman. How did she get this wealth you ask? Trials based on challenging the limits of the human mind and body. Contenders usually don’t make it out alive, so viewers usually don’t bet on them winning.

Human or beast, they’ll be pushed in a life or death situation and narrated by Artemis throughout the entire ordeal.

The contenders don’t typically fight each other, though it’s not rare. They’ll be able to find weaponry on their run through the odd colosseum thing she owns, but it usually doesn’t help. And the fact that they’re usually given some kind of disadvantage (cuffs, some weird toxin Artie made, shock collar etc).

Artemis always makes sure her contestants die, and they’re usually horrible people themselves. Every Spooky Month she ups her game with beasts and machines, and yes, they’re usually held then as the veil between the living and the dead thins dangerously enough to rip.

She’d known dear Bobby boy since before he became what he is, and she’s notably up to date on everything he’s done.

So she thought to herself “he knows a thing or two about limits” and decided to ask him if he wanted to be her business partner.

And you know how the tired tale goes, from business partners, to good friends and eventually to lovers.

On a side note: The games she designed used to be rather small, as she was just testing back in the day, think (for those who’ve seen or played it) the blackjack game from RE7.

Anyways, I would absolutely love to answer questions about this, as my brain is now filled with story ideas.

If I do make the comic, panels will be completed very slowly.

I’m not reliable enough to sit down and do something like that for an extended period of time. And I’m sorry if this dragged on a bit far, I’m just quite excited about this.

[realmythsmoved]

@nosestealer continued from here

if there's one thing that eleusine has learned in the past twenty-eight years, it's that everyone has a plan from miss mayor - the evil queen herself - to mister gold, the pawnbroker. snow white and her prince charming do too; even emma swan, the savior herself, has plans. the type of plans depend on the day and the weather: sometimes it's to stop regina and mister gold, other times it's to help them. eleusine knows the stories. all of them are true, with slight variations here and there. it's all in the telling, anyway. perhaps little lizzie gold is not the best person to have this back and forth with. but then again, little lizzie gold's probably one of the few who truly understands where the anger underneath elle's skin comes from. is it better to live a fake-life for twenty-eight years or is it better to be trapped outside the looking glass, never once able to join in?

"i knew. i knew it was a curse. that none of it was real. but i couldn't do anything. i had no magic. i didn't have anything; i didn't have anyone. everyone thought i was as mad as, well, the hatter." a soft sigh escapes her lips, however, when elizabeth asks if it's all part of the plan: "but perhaps madness is exactly what we need to see this plan through. magic is back in storybrooke now. and i did not spend twenty-eight years without my magic and without my loved ones for nothing. so yes. this is all part of the plan. and speaking of which: you're up, darling. give 'em hell."

Liz frowns. How had she known? Of course, Liz had known. But that had been thanks to her father. She hadn't exactly advertised the fact to the other residents of Storybrooke, though. When she mentions that she didn't have magic and didn't have anyone, that everyone thought she was as mad as the Hatter, Liz's frown deepens. "I'm sorry. I wish I could've told you. But my dad wouldn't have liked it. And I wasn't sure if you'd believe me, anyway. I didn't know if you would've thought I was as mad as the Hatter."

When she tells Liz to give them hell, Liz can't help but chuckle. "I always have. And I always will. I hope you can reunite with your loved ones." Now that the curse is broken, her parents are reunited. She's finally getting to know her mother, and she loves her. Finally, Liz has someone to talk about books with. And her mother is just an amazing woman. Liz can't believe she survived without her for this long. She had always missed her during the curse, of course. But her father had always comforted her with the knowledge that they would all be a family one day. And now they are. Liz just wants the same for Eleusine.

"If there's anything I can do to help you find them, let me know." Now that magic is fully back, the sky is the limit. And Liz would be happy to help the other person. "And who exactly should I give the most hell to? Just so I know." She smiles. Though she takes after her mother in looks and in her love of reading, she definitely inherited her father's mischievous streak along with his powers. Though she's glad she doesn't need to be the Dark One to have these abilities. Thanks to her father's spell that he put on her when she was born. He's not all bad, like the stories paint him. He's actually rather kind once you get to know him. And though she knows her father isn't perfect, he has his flaws, who doesn't? Nobody is perfect. So why hold anyone to a standard they can never meet?

[npfehr]

[photo credit: me]

Finally Completed: Final Fantasy III (SNES)

This is a roleplaying game in which an evil empire has dreams of reviving and controlling the power of magic in order to take over everything. It's up to a ragtag band of folks to stop them. Some spoilers herein!

They succeed in stopping the empire, hooray! Then a nihilistic imperial mage who styles himself like a jester says "'hey, maybe I should grab all the power for myself!" and the ragtag band is like "we should probably stop him too."

They do not succeed and the world as they know it is destroyed. Whoops! And that's only the midpoint of the story!

So this is definitely in the top five of Longest It's Ever Taken Me To Complete A Game Since First Trying It. I borrowed this game from Steve in junior high in the mid-nineties, and made it pretty far before being stymied by a late-game boss. At that point I'd had it for a few weeks and felt I should return it, plus I was frustrated. It's always stuck in my craw as a game I ought to have finished, so over the years I've made all kinds of attempts at it that inevitably petered out. Either I'd get distracted (because I dislike replaying parts of games I know well) or get stumped again.

Actually, in one memorable case I dropped it because I used an extremely detailed guide from the get-go, and a few hours in it felt like I was just ticking boxes on a to-do list rather than experiencing the adventure. Not ideal!

Last year, during an experiment with streaming on a regular basis, I thought I'd try again. This time the secret sauce was a romhack called the "Ted Woolsey Uncensored Edition", which you can read about in detail here. Essentially it's a careful rewriting of the game's script that still retains some of the charm and memorable phrasing of the original NA release, plus bugfixes, graphical tweaks, and quality of life changes. It made familiar parts of the game feel fresh again, and to my surprise I wanted to keep playing even after my stream experiment ended. I put it down for long periods of time but kept coming back, and this last weekend I was elated to finally see the game through to the end.

Because here's the thing, I really felt like I couldn't do it! Lurking in the back of my mind was that late-game boss from way back in 7th grade that I hadn't been able to beat, and I felt like everything after him must be even more difficult, so what hope did I really have? But actually it wasn't that bad, because I had two extra weapons:

1.) being unashamed to google quick questions when I was stuck or curious about something

2.) a friend with an encyclopedic knowledge of the game, who was also deeply interested in my progress and very encouraging.

(Google was fine, but I definitely recommend going the phone-a-friend route haha)

So anyway, the game. Graphics range from Good to Genuinely Impressive, the music's memorable, and every so often it surprises you by transcending its "tiny cute people with limited frames of animation" style to do something genuinely cinematic onscreen.

The story is excellent, and starts from a humble place of "young woman goes AWOL" then builds to asking, point-blank, how humankind can repeatedly hold on to the audacity of hope in the face of destruction and the ravages of time. These are timely questions for any era and honestly ones I personally struggle with at times. The catharsis I experienced at beating the final boss was a layered one, and I don't think the ending would have resonated nearly so well when I was 13.

So anyway, I'm glad I played it and saw it through, it's a classic for a reason, and I'll almost definitely go back to it again one day. Play it!!

[ooc-miqojak]

Name one line in the sand your muse has. Tell us one way someone can go ‘too far’. + What’s a fail-safe gift for your muse?

Headcanon/Development Questions Fail-safe gift answer is here!

Hilariously, I was just doing this quest again out in the Azure Span! And as far as I know, this is all I can come up with for Lily, at present, too. I'm sure she will have others, when RP presents them (like, she's really not going out of her way to hunt and hurt innocent people, even if the more demonic side of her would enjoy it - she's not evil)... but she's effectively kind of a new character again, in a sense. Everything about her is different now. Giving in to the demonic impulse feels great, sure, but... then she loses herself more. So, she's got to have lines - but really, most of them are probably pretty mutable, at the end of the day. Sure, she keeps her more visceral activities on the down-low, and presents a respectable persona in the public eye, and keeps her activities more centered around lowlifes and people who won't be missed (very like a vampire, whodathunk) - it's easier on her conscience, as well... for now. But if she were pressed? Who/what is off limits, to her? She already has a fucked-up obsession with Light-wielders/the Light that's... probably never going to end well, considering that the fel (and all she's endured) has pretty severely twisted her outlook on many things, and the Light is one of them. She's... not above preying on people who are just as naive as she once was. She once fell prey to a demon-in-disguise - and she's not even in disguise - so if they come to her willingly? If they, too, are drawn to darkness... why should she spare them? Why shouldn't she spit in the eye of the Light that abandoned her? Though, she has resisted that call, of late. For now. There's a voice in her head that sounds a lot like who she used to be, that hates the idea of hurting someone like that. She's still figuring out how much of who she 'was' that she wants to keep - when you're cleaning house, you have to ask yourself if what you're holding onto has value - if it has meaning to you, or if you're holding onto something out of habit. And it's a bit like that with moving forward - she's shedding an old skin, but she's not quite there yet. Not quite done figuring out what is worth holding onto. (I suppose a more vague line in the sand would be like... she's a woman of her word. Be it an oath, or a deal, she upholds them...if you do. She used to, anyways! I feel like this is a core trait though.)

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Ruined Miss Fortune vs Ruined King Miss Fortune

Ruined Miss Fortune is, to me, a deep disappointment of a skin, for multiple reasons.

The first is the method of her Ruination. Basically: Gangplank isn't dead and Fortune is super duper way the hell extra special scared of him, and so she voluntarily gets Ruined by Viego because he'll give her the power to definitely for sure kill Gangplank this time!

It sucks. The entire scene sucks. The way her characterization is played sucks. She is fully written as a Hysterical Woman™ who is too emotional to see reason and who gets corrupted because she can't handle her anger and fear, and the f***ing visual imagery of Miss Fortune willingly submitting to Viego by asking him to penetrate her with his eight foot Overcompensator Sword is just... good grief, the semiotics of that entire thing are just bafflingly bad.

The second is that if she had to get Ruined there was a much, much more compelling way to do it that would actually relate meaningfully to the core themes of the entire Ruination event.

Viego is driven fundamentally by a tragic loss, and total inability to cope with the grief of death. He lost Isolde and, being the spoiled little hyperromantic princeling that he is, absolutely could not accept that something he loved could be "taken away from him."

Miss Fortune is driven fundamentally by a tragic loss, and total inability to cope with the grief of death. In her case, it is the brutal murder of her mother by Gangplank, and the complicated mess of survivor's guilt and vengeful hatred that has left her unable to ever put her mother's memory to rest.

So... what if we had built some kind of thematic connection between the two characters, a shared form of loss, the connection of which is exploited by the abusive, manipulative monster to further his own goals? What if Viego had said to Fortune "I will bring back to life she who you love the most?" with the absolute insane certainty and sincerity with which he believes he will bring back Isolde?

And rather than MF being the dumbass who gets taken in by an obviously lying man's obviously false offer of power because she's just so scared of Big Bad Gangplank, she gets taken in by a moment of connection and a glimmer of hope, however vain, that the literal worst thing that ever happened to her can undone?

I dunno, given that the entire Ruined King event was thematically about learning to cope with grief, to let go of those who are dead and to stop making other people's lives and deaths about yourself, that seems to me like it would have been cool, actually.

Anyway the third reason is that the skin itself is basically a bland-as-hell "EVIL = SEXY!!!" fanservice skin, which first of all is extremely tame and boring as fanservice (srsly, cleavage and a bit of thigh action? That's the best you can do for a sexy evil pirate queen?), but which also simply does not fit the character story being told here.

Miss Fortune falls for power, she falls for the strength to destroy her enemies, she falls for the power to rule and control. The Ruined Skin looks no more dangerous, powerful or domineering than her Captain Fortune skin, it's just a sexy pirate halloween costume with all the colors turned off.

Now, in the spirit of fairness, there are some production reasons for this. It was not a Legendary skin and Riot puts a hard budget limit on how many actual changes you can make to a design at lower skin levels. So no changing her animation, for example, and only limited changes to her model itself and no changes to its rigging. There was probably a corporate and technical mandate not to stray too far from her base form.

On top of that there is in-game readability. Silhouettes are important for character recognition, and Riot are... usually quite careful about broadly preserving them skin to skin to avoid gameplay confusion. Usually.

So yeah, there's some limits on how much you can do, but if you want an example of what I would consider a good "Ruined" version of Miss Fortune, Riot Forge and the people over at Airship Syndicate helpfully went and made one:

Good feature number one: The Crown. The corruption of Miss Fortune as it is told in the Ruination is that she lets her paranoid lust for power blind her and this allows Viego to take over her mind.

So what do we have here? A crown literally blinding her, mimicking the shape language of Viego's crown, indicating his deception of her and his domination over her mind. That's some good visual storytelling.

It is also Sauron-esque as hell, so it reinforces Miss Fortune as an imperious, domineering, regal presence. Queen, sovereign, it is the visual language of power.

Good feature number two: the chains incorporated into her design, which are just about the most widely used visual shorthand for enslavement and control. Riot L4T3NCY, creative lead at Riot Forge, confirmed for me that this and the blindfolding of MF were both extremely conscious choices in her skin design here:

Good feature number three: Miss Fortune's own pirate aesthetic is entirely supplanted by Viego's Camavoran army aesthetics. There is no hint of the Bilgewater fashion left here, everything that was Bilgwater about her has been torn away, which again is good, solid, basic storytelling showing us that she is mind-controlled and subverted.

Good feature number four: I am definitely reaching here, but I quite like that the hands that grasp her guns are the most wraith-like and corrupted. It is Miss Fortune's grasp for power that is corrupting her, and it is the trauma of the loss of her mother, a gunsmith who is intimately connected to her weapons, which is ultimately the source of the paranoia and power lust that has destroyed her. Is this intentional at all? I have no idea, but I like the idea.

Good feature number five: It is still sexy. Not in as blatantly pin up-ish a way as the base game Ruined Miss Fortune is, but there's some solid Hot Mean Evil Lady appeal in that cleavage and armored bustier. MF has always been a flirty, sexy character (albeit definitely too much so in the past *shudders in League Judgment*), and that aspect is still present here, without being distracting from the character storytelling of the skin.

I think Miss Fortune being ruined by Kevin McKilledbyhiswife of Camavor is a bad idea on the whole, I think it gets catastrophically in the way of her much more interesting base story of slowly being corrupted by the structural violence and brutality of Bilgewater itself, reducing it all down to a "Sad Woman Very Angry About Dead Mom" personal grief narrative (which is honestly a little too eager to paint her desire to see justice done to Gangplank for his crimes as a bad thing.)

But if she has to be Ruined, at least do it with some gosh darn character storytelling as part of the skin. If she has to be Ruined, at least do it in a way that thematically reflects on and interacts with the general themes of the Ruination event as a whole.

Don't do it just for a D-tier generic hot lady fanservice skin.

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx