#anyway im gonna stop rambling now and go to sleep
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A little bit of a San hard thought…maybe, sort of, kind of (MDNI)
Okay so for some reason Coachella San still has me in a chokehold, almost two months later and I just had to get this off my chest, because this has been on my mind for a while and it’s driving me crazy. Also this will probably be the only time I post something like this, unless I feel very strongly about it.
Looking at these photos that he posted on Instagram, just fills my mind up with thoughts of littering his chest and abs with hickeys.
Like just imagine, you on top of San, straddling him as you sucked at the skin of his chest, all the while San below you -I’d like to imagine that he’s very vocal with this type of intimacy, because we love men who are vocal- is letting out low groans and maybe along with the occasional whine of your name. Maybe he would even buck his hips, especially as you traveled down his toned stomach and got closer to the band of his underwear, because the smallest things you do can get him so worked up.
#kpop#ateez#choi san#hard thoughts#I just like to say that I have never ever had like an actual hard thought before believe it or not#san is just a special case#you’re either the biggest soft stan or the biggest hard stand there is no in between when it comes to this man#also this may be start of san brainrot#I might delete this when I when wake up#I should probably go to bed it’s currently 3:44 am#what I am still doing up???#also i start my period like some time this week so that’s probably why I felt the very strong urge to write this#also I’m sorry if this is a bit cringy I don’t usually write things like this#so sorry about that#anyway im gonna stop rambling now and go to sleep#san hard thoughts#choi san hard thoughts
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Y’all thinking about an older Ares has RUINED me
#hyrule warriors#hw link#kheprri rambling#fucked by the ‘perfect hero’ treatment and is a little hit jaded and scruffy and i am INSANE FOR IT#he does not cope well and i love that for him#obsessed with him. been thinking about him for a couple months now for my wargod au and yall i cannot stop#volga gets the treatment too but its slightly less noticeable coz hes a dragon#also sorry about there being nothing going on. every time i want to start on something i get hit by just utter pain and cant focus#so ive just been playing games and sleeping trying to get through it lol#but that also gave me a lot of thinking time for the aus. especially the main one (and this one obv)#also sorry if u dont vibe with the headcanon/au. hes far from being a dick or entitled hes just tired of being perfect for others—#—and just wants to live in peace with his dragon bf lmao#2024+ is the era of khep(me) forcing myself to draw facial hair because ive always been afraid of not doing it right#actually i love drawinf facial hair and all hair in general tbh im just horrified of people being like ‘lol ur wrong die’ XD#anyways sorry. rambling. too many brain thoughts not enough outlets for#will be posting the mistflier species sheet wip on kofi eventually i just wanna type the words out to make it more legible#it IS still a wip and thats why its gonna be going on kofi until its finished#<- and also coz its tailnrr related
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#man im really tired of having feelings for him. i should really just keep my distance and go back to dating apps#i long for the connection we have and hate having to build up something brand new#but im really tired of feeling butt hurt everytime he sleeps with our roommate#like yeah we broke up over a year ago. and still casually do shuff. its just hard for me to turn off that side of my brain#i just want to feel loved and be held by someone without having to build the foundation all over again#ive been depressed the past few days because of it. i act irrationally and cant control my feelings#overall its better if i just let them fuck around and i try to find someone new. only problem is im anxious and not a good conversationalist#plus i hate messaging people over phone. too much anxiety abt what im saying and if the other person enjoys me or not#anyways it sucks seeing the subtle evidence that they went at it while i was away. i have no right to be upset but i cant help but think of#him as more than a friend. i cant and shouldnt but we had dated 6 years previously. its a bit difficult to turn that switch off now#dammit i guess tonight im gonna sleep alone again and try not to cry. whatever gotta get over myself and move on. have to stop only thinking#of my self and being so damn possessive all the time#ash rambles#fuck i feel worse now after typing all that out yippee..
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HRAGHS why am i so cold right now STOP THSI
#if im getting sick i may just bomb my school#🔥🔥#i cant stop saying ‘my dinnar’ out loud sos#anyways i should go do the assignment i meed to do now#i tried finding the answers bc my brain doesnt have the urge to just search up all of the answers individually#(i dont feel mentaly able to like really think ou the answers rn bc im so fucking tired but thats not a good reason behind that)#but i couldnt find any answers so im just gonna have to search up all of them individually#ughh i think its another all-nighter for me#this is like the third or fourth time ive done an all nighter on minday#MONDYA#MONDAY#Its mainly because of procrastination and then theres not enough time form me to get good enough sleep#closet rambles again on tumblr
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I was looking back on the time lapses for the og batch of eternal gales references and it's so crazy to me how many of them I just went in fully raw without referencing any previous drawings of them at all. Like it makes sense since most of them were originally just random designs I doodled during school and I never needed reference to draw them before and like I still don't technically need references for anything but colors for them but still it feels so strange to me. Like what do you mean I didn't always slap like 5 reference images on every canvas before doodling a character who's design I have memorized who is this
#rat rambles#oc posting#eternal gales#tbf their designs Were inconsistent at the time but thats mostly because they were all originally random doodle designs that were still#being developed as designs and as characters#it would take years for them to gain some real consistency in how I draw them#anyways this post is me stalling going to bed because my knee hurts and I was kinda hoping it'd stop hurting before I went to bed rip#its not even my usual bad knee this time cmon dude dont break on me too other knee#man why did I have to treat my knees so badly as a kid this shit is just gonna keep getting worse I know it 😔#I dont actually mind that much but it does become an issue when Im trying to sleep#and I've been sleeping poorly lately so yknow. not great.#idk maybe I should look into doing smth more abt that but its never rly hurt that much just enough to keep me from sleeping well#which now that Im saying it like that definitely qualifies as enough to look into but eh. Im lazy.#honestly its a mieacle that its mostly just my knees that are fucked my back should by all means be worse#I used to have horrible back and shoulder pain as a teenager but I escaped backpack hell#anyways enough stalling I need to at least try to sleep. gn gamers
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hey guys !! sorry for the long wait i havent been really active on here (go check out my twitter ahaha 😉) but i started watching the lunch bunch marathon and so far its rly good ! i rly like how the death house ended it was very satisfying anyway its so fun to watch it live i cant wait to watch more ! i might order some tacos so i can watch and eat at the same time tonight >:). anyway i hope that ofab tonight will be good i cant wait to see more silentgrowth and other stuff too ! 👻🌱
#viz rambles#lunch bunch#lunch bunch ofab#ofab#of fate and balance#lunch bunch marathon#im actually really excited i wish they announced this sooner so i could preprare more in advance for it#i hope they get to the safe house safely 🥺#im rly curious whatll happen there because carlin isnt being very open about it#i dont think that hell do anything bad to them but i wouldnt doubt it tbh#though if anything happens to aleem i will stop watching the show i think#you cant treat npcs that badly and he deserves good#anyway but yea i am looking forward to it theyve said itll be long but i hope it doesnt go too long because i have to sleep at a certain ti#anyway im gonna go quickly make lunch in the break now ill probably have a sandwich or something idk yet#but yea ill go do that ill try to update this more !!#see you guys soon !!!!!
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This might seem a bit silly but. We're getting new windows put in tomorrow. This is a window in my bedroom that's never been changed since the house was built in the 50s. It's a latch window, it's single glazed, and the wooden frame has been rotting for as long as I can remember. But I love this window. I love using the latch to open it on a hot day to get the most breeze possible into my room. I love the aesthetic of this old window on our house that has had many renovations over the years. I've lived in this house since '99 when I was only 18 months old, and the room this window is in has been my bedroom since about 2004. So I'm going to miss it a lot. It feels weird to be sad about a window but that's where I'm at right now.
#idk why im posting this#you can ignore it if you want snsjsm#im on my window feelings ig#still will have the nice large windowsill tho :) the cat likes to sit there#and ill still be able to look out on our lovely garden and the beautiful sycamore tree at the back <3#i am genuinely sad about it tho#itll be a normal ass regular ass window by tomorrow evening#is this an autistic thing?? being sad about the simplest things that are going to change#still learning a lot about myself and autism since being 'diagnosed' or whatever you would call it#anyway im gonna stop rambling now bc i need to sleep
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1/6/24
❊✺❂✺❊
Sky was pretty
Toast
Peach flavour black tea
Gave the kitchen a good clean
Listened to all recent post bbc loona albums
#happiness diary#happiness diary: june 2024#happy june#i didn't stay up till one playing games tonight#good for me#kinda crazy its already halfway through the year#also it's just a few days until my arm gets mildly chopped up so thats... fun to think about#im gonna miss the scar thats already there cus its such a stereotype of a scar#its got the line and you can count how many stitches were used#its my favourite scar#i have a few#if the one on my leg hadn't been re chopped then that one would've been my favourite#cus it looked like they just took a chunk out#like it looked like something took a bite out my leg and left it dented it was hilarious#but it was precancerous so they had to go back in and chop it again and they fixed it so it looks normal now :(#the scar is barely visible anymore#well the one on my arm won't be invisible#itll look wild cus its just above the first scar so the row of stitch scars will be taken i think#and itll become like a real big conjoined scar#well it depends on how they do it#if they do it sideways itll end up like that#but if they do it upways then itll be an upside down T which would be fun#anyway should stop rambling and sleep
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Y'know one thing I find funny is that it seems like everyone else's reaction to Ena's mom in the last 25ji event was to be like omg finally a good sekai parent while mines was cool time to give Ena and Akito mommy issues too
#rat rambles#sekai posting#you have to understand The Lore that exists in my head only#yes it involves both the crossover siblings and my hispanic hcs. just trust me bro#she exists in a similar space as kanade's dad in my mind where they are trying their best but their best isnt. that great#theyre not terrible ppl but they are messy ppl and this does effect their children#again you need to know The Lore to get it which I will not go into rn cause alas I am cringe but not free 😔#if I ever stop pulling shit out of my ass for fictional moms assume I have died <3 /j#anyways Im gonna try to sleep now wish me luck#oh but also good news for all the ppl wanting her to get a divorce in my hcs she was never married in the first place <3#she simply supports gay rights (and wrongs :/)
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okay so i have more closing toughs on the grand fest cuz im really emotional abt this lil silly squid game
i think it felt really conclusive, like i would not be disappointed at all if this was the send off to the franchise, or at least this story of it in particular (with all the rumors of the soft reboot 4 the next game n such) it was very nice and yk grand, and to get to see all this characters i like so much all performing together, its just so nice so cool, it really made me happy specially for the squid sisters and off the hook, i do really wish we have gotten to see more of deep cut in like their natural state of mischievousness, but oh well i do think this would be a great enough send off for them, aand aaaa have i mentioned i really love these characters and this game??? bc i doo!!! so so so much and three wishes now or never 7 was such a good song and the performance was so beautiful, and then the after fest performances got me all teary eyed aaaa, it was just, it was so lovely man im so happy after that splatfest but also im kinda sad its over now, like the weekend really went fast, and now its over, but wasnt it nice while it lasted, and regardless on who wins 2morrow im so happy i got to play it, and play it with everyone else!
Well i guess thats it! That splatfest was lovely i love this game so much
#i love splatoon#sorry gamers this is really corny adhgsvghs#also on a more personal note i got to do so many stuff ive been wanting 2 do for the past 2 years on the game on this fest!#like going out of the map!! or getting 5 stars on my brush noveau and getting the long furby thingie and getting to max rank on the splatfe#and going on the balcony and winning my 1st 100x battle!!!#im also not sure what to do in the game now guess i still have to play side order soo mayb that#anyway ill stop rambling now happy splatfest ever1#im gonna go 2 sleep now#splatoon#gh0ost txt#srb
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*Spoilers for HB Full Moon*
I don’t have my thoughts coherent enough to make a clear post so im just gonna ramble
GOD this episode was a trip. Was expecting it to all be Stolitz, and then it took a hard turn with the Cherubs and the FBI, and to be honest I couldn’t care less about them. It wasn’t bad by any mean, but I was disappointed to see over half the episode titled “Full Moon” was gonna be about something other than Stolitz
And then in the last FIVE MINUTES they pull out all the stops and give us this
VIV YOU WERE HOLDING OUT ON US
I love the way this episode did misunderstandings, which is something people usually hate, because you can SO EASILY see where everyone’s coming from, and they are both completely justified. Stolas only meant good, he wanted to break the toxic deal he had with Blitzo, and he was very thorough about it. But he took Blitzo’s first bad reaction as a sign that he didn't love him, instead of giving him time to think. And Blitzo’s first reaction to someone loving him and genuinely wanting the best for him to be that they’re faking it HURTS. His outburst seems irrational but when you take into consideration how much he’s been rejected, it almost makes sense that he would assume Stolas is getting rid of him, because he’s SO CONVINCED that no one could ever love him.
And I was expecting pain, but I was NOT expecting Stolas to be choking through his tears hurt by Blitz
THIS WAS A STEP TO FAR VIV I THOUHT WE WER FRENDS
I also LOVE how this episode establishes Stolas’s charachter growth. Going back to the first episode, Im sorry but these are NOT the same people
Before Stolas was cruel and dismissive of Blitzo, only wanting to sleep with him. But now he’s grown into someone who genuinely loves him, and is willing to give up their relationship if thats what would make Blitzo happy. And this was all super subtle, over the course of many confrontations. You almost don’t realize it’s happening, but it feels so natural. You can FEEL how much Stolas loves Blitzo in this scene, and genuinely wants the best for him.
Also How Blitzo looked so HAPPY to see Stolas, he went on a night out shopping for him and looked SO EXITED to finally see him. And just how DESPERATE he looks when Stolas is saying he wants the grimware back, literally crying and begging Stolas to reconsider. I dont think I need to say this but I dont think this is about the book. GOD I hurst that the first time we’ve seen Blitzo exited about seeing stolas AND IT END LIKE THIS.
There are also so many parallels with Blitzo and Stolas switching sides, Blitz now being the h0rny one and Stolas the one who truly cares. It’s a ‘how the tables have turned” that makes this episode all the more painful once you realize:
(thanks to @timkontheunsure and @miyakuli for pointing these out)
And BROOOO THE CHANDELEIR FROM WHEN THEY WERE KIDS IN THE FINAL SHOT I didnt even realize this at the beginning but whYYY?
edit: I LOVE people pointing out that Blitzo screaming at Stolas might have reminded him of his toxic relationship with Stella, which might be why he shut down and cried, because that’s what he did with her.
anyways I think that’s all I got so have some Fizzy to cheer you up
#He was the second best part of the episode tbh#sorry for the bad spelling I was typing fast#helluva boss stolas#helluva boss blitzo#helluva boss#stolitz#helluva boss stolitz#full moon episode#full moon helluva boss#full moon spoilers#Spoilers#blitzø#blitzo x stolas
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lemme rant rq cause this is my diary
so i went to the dr with my mom cause i had the flu (not anymore, but lowk it made me have 0 APPETITE so f@sting during it was easy) but anyway, since my last dr appointment which was over the summer ish so august i think, i lost around 7lbs. (i was wearing layers, water loaded + shoes so def more, probably around 10-15lbs but idrk cause my scale LOVES to change my weight all the time. and my mom ofc noticed (the weight loss in the chart since august) but i blamed it on the flu easy peasy and she’s been trying to buy me snacks and make me eat more which is annoying but she’s trying to be a mom so it’s okay. also im not sure if it’s the 3d brain but i feel like she’s trying to fatten me but i can’t really tell? like she’s offering food more, or maybe she’s not idk. it is now 1:44am, yesterday i fainted a bit so i treated it as a break and ate “normally” fainting + dizziness has gone down and now i feel like a failure, but that’s okay cause today is a new day. also does anyone else hallucinate after long periods of fasting? maybe it’s the sleep deprivation but i genuinely start seeing stuff and it’s lowk scary but maybe that’s another issue, anyway i won’t have access to food from now(1:44)-3pm so the i just have to survive from 3-10pm and that’s a successful day + thinking like that helps me sm (like every hour of fasting counts) right now im having a celsius (caffeine my beloved appetite suppressant) and im pulling an all nighter and hopefully will crash at 3ish so i sleep most of the day to prevent boredom eating and honestly fasting is just easy if you distract yourself, i think the main issue with me and fasting is i get bored sooooo easily and then eat, not even cause im hungry js bored tbh, but water and games help that. idek what im saying. ugh my insomnia gets so bad when im restricting. also another thing i think th1nspo and m3anspo genuinely do NOY work for me, idk why. like my main motivation is myself cause really im the only one who knows everything i want changed about my body and speaking of omg i have to go the beach on my birthday trip im so scared brooo. well idk if i have to go but i think my family is going and we’ll see tbh, it’s like mid decemeber so this month i genuinely need to lock in like i keep on fasting but then having to break it around 48hrs and it’s annoying, okay THIS fast i won’t stop (and will actually have vitamins and whatnot) also vitamin recs? i feel like the vitamins i take while fasting do not do anything tbh, anddd i have been rambling but it’s giving me smth to do so love u all stay safe ! ONE MORE THING LMAOO green tea is so good and has helped my bloating sm everyone go make a tea rn (it also has caffeine in it) also caffeine helps constipation (at least for me) for all the 4n4s who struggle with that! and green tea is like a subtle laxative, CELSIUS is like a full on one, i drank one a while ago but haven’t had any…bowel movement, but to be fair i did poop this evening and wow i sharing SO much information 😻 ! but yeah it’s way better than actual lax imo, lax makes my stomach hurt ALL day but maybe it’s the kind? I’ve only ever used ducloax or smth like that and it hurts so much omg i might just never take them again, im gonna finish this celsius then make some green tea i wonder how okay anyway
tldr: idek where to start
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Hi, could you do class headcanons of them with a s/o who Loves to info-dump on history horros?
Basically going “Did you know about lobotomies..? It was a pre-quirk procedure that involved sticking a giant needle trough the eye of an awake patient to “Fix their brain”, it only made it worse though.
(Btw if you feel this like to dark feel free to deny it, also glad to have you back 👋🏼❤️)
Not proofread we die like men
Awase - every time you tell him something like that he gets a little more worried about how life was before quirks lmao. Like people willingly poked at eachothers brains? Hes more surprised every time and its hilarious
Sen - he uses any information you gave him to win internet arguments. Instead of L + Ratio he hits them with the horrors of history to shut them up (anyways unrelated but he bullies kids in video games)
Kamakiri - 'im gonna give you a fucking lobotomy if you dont stfu.' He will act like he dosent care but hes secretly kinda interested in it all. If he has questions about it he will look them up himself later instead of asking.
Kuroiro - the dark history ranting is his favorite thing ever. He spends a little bit of his free time looking up some dark history himself so he can maybe tell you about something you haven't learned yet yk.
Kendo - idcidc shes a major history nerd. She loves all things history related so even if its a bit dark shes interested. Shes only interested in history because shes a strong believer of learning from your mistakes and whatnot and she thinks its important to know.
Kodai - shes indifferent about it. She thinks its a little weird but shes not one to judge since everyone has their stranger side ykyk? She just silently listens along to whatever her s/o is ranting about this time lmao
Komori - she finds it a little creepy but at the same time she cant stop listening to her s/o talk about it lmao. (Just dont give her these 'fun facts' late at night or else she might not be able to sleep)
Shiozaki - shes happy to hear you talking about something your interested it but she does worry a bit about those who were affected in the past by something thats just a fun fact now (if that makes sense) like shes interested in the topic but at the same time it makes her a little sad that people actually had to get lobotomys at one point ya know?
Shishida - he seems like the type to be excited to learn something new so every time his s/o tells him about something that happened a long time ago like that hes real happy. (Despite how dark it is)
Shoda - ngl he finds it a bit scary lmao. He finds it interesting and hes happy to hear you talk about it but at the same time hes a bit intimidated
Pony - she thinks its cool and creepy at the same time. Like shes happy and excited to see her s/o talk about something their interested in but at the same time why did it have to be that of all things.
Tsubaraba - he will listen to his s/o for hours at a time it doesn't matter to him what theyre talking about. He is a little intimidated but its fine lmaoo
Tetsutetsu - he thinks your super smart for knowing so much about things like that and he tries his best to give imput but most of it comes out as him saying 'torture dosent seem manly' or smthn like that lmao
Tokage - she loves when her s/o starts to ramble about one of the creepy facts they like. She always gives the most over the top reactions too lmao
Manga - he likes listening to you talk about the creepy stuff his s/o likes while drawing. Its kinda funny since his s/o will tell him about smthn creepy asf and then manga will just show them the cat he just drew.
Honenuki - he thinks its cool and actually becomes really interested in the topic while hes listening to his s/o talk about it. He starts to ask questions and starts going on his own little rambles when hes with them
Bondo - hes a little scared ngl but at the same time he thinks its really cute to watch his s/o ramble lol. So overall hes kinda 50/50 about his s/o's lobotomy rants lmaoo
Monoma - he will talk so much trash lmao. He'll tell his s/o that its creepy or whatnot but at the same time he'll get mad if they stop talking to him about it.
Reiko - she does the exact same thing. So whenever you two are near eachother you just tell eachother all about darker parts of history lmao. 'Did you know about lobotomys?' Vs 'did you know about Japanese(?) water torture?'
Rin - at first he thinks its a bit strange or maybe even creepy but he warms up to the fun facts every now and then. He even gains a bit of an interest himself. Not enough of an interest research it but still.
Gif anime - dungeon meshi
#i had a big interest in old torture methods for the longest time so#i would say im built differently but thats cringe#class 1b#bnha headcannons#bnha headcanons#mha headcanons#kosei tsuburaba#rin hiryu#sen kaibara#awase yousetsu#juzo honenuki#shihai kuroiro#ibara shiozaki#setsuna tokage#manga fukidashi#kojiro bondo#neito monoma#Monoma is a dickhead#i love him tho
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but uuuuuh- what a fool am I, I am losing the fight already btw 😩
been trying to get back into o.ne piece,, been trying to on and off for many years but always lose steam to keep going after I finish a chunk 💀 finally gonna commit to it 💪🏾 hopefully I don't gain any more f/os but uuuuuh 👁️👄👁️
fun fact for yall tho Z.oro was actually my second ever f/o when i was kid after s.onic lmao,,,, but now he just rots in my 4th tier of my f/o list
#since i already know so many spoilers for the series and dont care about being spoiled for more shit that i dont know yet#i can go in the tags at least 👁️👄👁️#gonna keep that shit in the drafts for now as i stay in denial#im not into him im just ovulating 🖐🏾🙄 /hj#the only thing thats stops me is i do not want to think of a new s/i for the series...#done it like 3x by now.... that lil bitch has gone through every letter of the lgbt#since ages 9 to like..... 21 ish? (last age i was trying to make an s/i)#is it not enough to just be Clark from connecticut this time round?#but i already have a cute idea for a drawing 🏃🏾♂️💨#im rambling incoherently cause my insomnia is bad tonight...no sleep 🙃#anyways i love ignoring crushes 😇 peace and love on the planet earth#trying to sleep again#if you see me posting its not me failing to fall asleep... its my queue!
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Gonna ramble about my IM x Castle in the Sky AU again
So again I'm a huge fan of the idea that Cup is a mama's boy, but that wasn't always the case
Mugs and Cup were still pulled away from home for awhile and Cup still ended up expiremented on by Hat [although not bc he sold his soul the demon was just greedy and curious]
Cup and Mugs end up staying there for 3-4 years until the dishes found them again and took them back home. And while Mugs is happy to be home, 17 year old Cup is angry with BOTH of his parents
It isn't until Demi risks herself to keep Cup and Mugs safe that Cup actually starts to bond with his mom again. And it's still a slow process. One thing they fight on about a lot is Cup being respectful to Canni. Cup still loves his dad don't get me wrong but he hasn't earned the same respect that his mom did yet.
Demi is frustrated with both Cup and Canni because Cannikin just tells her to "be patient" and "he'll come around on his own". This doesn't stop Canni from doing nice things for Cup like making him hot chocolate on one of Cup's rough mental health days.
Also Cup found it easier to forgive Demi because it wasn't Demi's idea to leave it was Canni's [or that's what he's telling himself]
So ya Cup is a mama's boy because I got a HINT of it in canon when he was still a toddler and I took it and RAN.
Bonus mother-son fluff;
-Sometimes Demi has to plan or navigate late at night, and when Cup doesn't sleep he just sits down and watches her work, she'll make room for him to sit, neither of them say anything and eventually Cup will fall back asleep
-She ends up keeping a few dandehogs on the ship that Cup is really attached to so long as he takes care of them and doesn't make Canni do it and that "it's his fault if they get blown off since it's windy"
-Cup is a full stop supporter of his mom's mission to Be A Nuisance To Black Hat, since now he's confident that she can hold herself in a fight with Hat and he also hates Hat
-Demi teases Cup about having no girlfriend a bit after Cala comes onto the ship, it's one of the few times that Cup looks to Canni for help [except Canni isn't going to tell his wife to stop so Cup's really on his own here]
-When they were first reunited there was a lot of back and forth of Demi trying to get Cup to do things that would be better for him, after Cup figured out she'll force him to do it anyway is when he began his days of malicious compliance. Even after they get along more, Cup still does this over smaller things, but it's more out of wanting to mess with her. Demi isn't sure if she's proud or annoyed when she says "bring me something to write on" and he brings her a clipboard instead of a paper and pen
#orb ponders#the inky mystery#Again mind u Cup is 19 at the eldest in this au so he's still a teen and now he's a teen healing from trauma under his parents roof#This manifests in him being a brat#Cup: I play a fine line of annoying my mother and her not throttling me. I dance on that line.#Aka yes his mom is scary no that doesn't mean she can just boss him around 🙄🙄🙄#Mostly. He can give and take.#I'm drawing a picture of all of the Dish's from my au and Cup is screaming his support in the background while Mugs and Canni are terrified#For different reasons I haven't figured out which one of those two is trying not to fly out of the car into a void pit#orb aus#cits au
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Honestly I wanna ramble some more cuz I'm so excited for vengeance and I heard love in paradise and gods games again, and I just,,,,,, I don't think I've actually rambled about my interpretation of love in paradise much outside of calling out the racism im noticing,,, so I'm going to do that now and then I'll stop posting for a bit cuz I need to lmao
this got long so I'm putting it under a cut, last chance to not read this. if you just want to argue with me about it just scroll by or block me. I'm not here to change anyones mind or argue I just want to talk about how I interpret the songs. Please don't bring up how you think she raped him on this post.
I think that both Calypso and Ody went through those seven years literally like, that bus meme LMAO. But I still think they developed in really interesting ways too (for better and worse). like,,, when we first meet Her we meet this goddess who has no idea how to exist with another person, she dismisses everything Ody says, she seems to view him closer to a pet than anything else (one way to interpret why she does this is because up until now she's had animals and inanimate objects to keep her company? If what I'm gathering from not sorry for loving you is right she was just fuckin left there) but by the end of the song she's pleading for him to listen to her. She's calling him Ody - he doesn't tell her his name in the start of the song (and as much as I like the theory that he repeats the things his friends have said to him in his sleep, I prefer the idea he did introduce himself at some point) and I think it really does feel like she's listening to what he's saying but she has no idea how to handle it. Like, even if we do use the "she still sees him as a pet" interpretation, your pet becomes suicidal, wtf are you gonna do? If my cat went to a cliff and started screaming about me not knowing what he's done and gone through I wouldn't know what the fuck to say either. I don't think she's trying to seduce him off the cliff (and I think it's super weird people make it out that's what happens!) I think she's literally on her knees begging the only person she's ever known to come back to her so that she can help him,,,, she doesn't help him, obviously, she triggers the fuck out of him but by god she's trying!!! lmfaooo.
....actually I guess Ody is more a golden retriever but you hear me.
Anyway
She's an antagonist for a reason, she literally cannot understand why keeping him captive there is wrong. I still don't think she rapes him, but I do think it took her a long time to understand he has boundaries. and I think "and if I pushed you/ came on too strong" etc in not sorry for loving you shows us, she, still, can't understand why what she did was bad after all this time, she was just trying to love him in the way she wanted to be loved. and that is, honestly, terrifying and heartbreaking all at the same time.
as a side tangent, Because we know Jorge loves to use wordplay (look how he used double meanings during Suffering) when she sings "Under my spell, we're stuck in paradise. No one can come or go, my island stays unknown" you can for sure take that to mean "under my Curse, we're stuck here Together", and tbh I feel like that's backed up in what I've heard of Not Sorry For Loving you? She's, for sure trapped him, im not arguing that, but she's stuck there too. I don't have a point here cuz imo it doesn't actually make her anything other than more tragic and more of an antagonist cuz girl you KNOW what it's like to be stuck there, it might be paradise but you said it yourself you're!! stuck!! Jorge uses his words so carefully (at least 98% of the time), she's not just casually saying stuck imo!! Actually maybe I do have a point cuz imo that makes it even more interesting!! Like, no wonder she doesn't want to let him go!! He's the only person she's ever met and probably the only person she ever will meet!! "My island stays unknown"!! Selfishly, there's no fucking way she'd let him go without divine intervention!! Scary!!! UGH I love this, it's so tasty and complicated and!! That makes a good antagonist!!! She's great I love her 10/10 mr jorge this is a GREAT version and I will marry her.
And Ody,,,,,,,
God where do I even begin with Ody. I said before that I think the worst part of this for him was to be reminded of Polites every fucking day for seven years. Because lets be real, she might be Coping but she calls her own prison a paradise, she greeted him with open arms and greets her world with open arms (lmao and he becomes her world.... im not crying much its fine) . And like, there are a few ways to view that last bit of the song cuz she IS repeating things from the people he loved most, he could've been talking in his sleep and she's trying to use familiar phrasing or she could just be, yknow, Like This. and personally I love the idea that Ody was faced with someone who reflected all the pieces of the people he loved back to him, everyone except!! his wife!! She reflects the words of his mom, the strength of Eury, the open arms of Polites.... and my GOD would that be torture on top of being trapped. I said it before, there's three people on that island, Ody, Caly, and the intense!! guilt!! Ody feels!! And she makes it worse!! He's trapped, and he can't even escape the people he failed because she constantly reminds him of them (accidentally but still, constant).
but like he says in not sorry for loving you ( and I do not want to hear a fucking word about Stockholm syndrome this is my post and I'm putting my foot down) he loves her. cuz again, of course he loves her, how could he not love someone who reminds him of all the best parts of the people he loves. It's not romantic, it's not in the way she wants to be loved, It's probably incredibly painful, he for sure also hates her, but they spent seven years together. Seven years of existing together isn't something to sneeze at!! No matter what happened, there had to be Moments. Moments that gave him some sort of peace because otherwise he would've been on that cliff before the year was up.
And speaking of that??? What did he say to her all these years. That's what I want to know. Cuz despite me calling bullshit on sir yaps a lot NOT telling her about what happened to him, can we talk about
You don't know what I've gone through You don't know what I've sacrificed Every comrade I long knew Every friend, I saw them die And all I hear are screams
cuz what if!! she doesn't know!!! what if this whole time he tried to just talk about them like they were still alive or focus in on getting home to his wife and as he lost hope he stopped speaking so much, kept seeing her act like the people he loved, kept watching her try and love him in all the wrong ways, and kept the demons and guilt at bay until he just broke???
Also? again, the pet thing, if we want to go there.... if your golden retriever burst out with "ALL MY FRIENDS DIED" what the fuck would YOU do.... sorry im coping with humour, ANYWAY.
idk like, I just feel like there's so much to unpack here and I hope we DO get a little backstory on their lives together, I want to see people explore this in more ways than what I've seen. Cuz I think he connected to her, I think he understands that she's trapped there too, I don't think this makes it better but I think it enriches the story and it gives them such a cool dynamic.
Anyway this is long enough, it's late and I'm having many thoughts. Again if you don't agree with me that's ok just scroll on, I'm just yelling at the void
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