#anyway if we’re mutual don’t worry about it you’re 100% fine

[diveyne]

you know i used to think there was something wrong with me (there is) and my inability to quickly read/parse certain formatting (excessive spacing between words. 2-3 is fine. i’m talking about 5+, including punctuation, and then excessive bolding/italicizing of irrelevant words, and excessive color swapping onto bold/italics with like 2+ colors) like

i don’t know if anyone else does it but when every other word is bold/italicized, my brain puts over emphasis on it and i cannot read it any other way and it’s extremely distracting. like it’s akin to having an intrusive thought on loop that runs over and over, and it’s so hard to move past it.

same thing with excessively spaced words like my brain slows down reading it and it’s just so distracting and like honestly an actual visual eyesore that gives me a headache trying to read that way.

i didn’t realize for a long time until i saw someone mention once that there are specific accessibility fonts designed for people with adhd and it made me look into it and like it’s shocking and like honestly as much of a relief as it is to figure out why certain things are the way they are for you and why it’s been a frustrating experience, it’s equally as frustrating to know these things because you feel like it’s knowledge that’s come too late.

it’s just irritating on tumblr because people prioritize aesthetics above accessibility.

like as a carrd template designer i’ve started making my fonts larger and stuff too because /I/ can’t fucking read it anymore LOL. and i will NEVER use a serif font on my carrds because serif fonts are extremely difficult to read digitally.

but anyways that’s why i kind of format the way that i do. like i put just enough spaces after punctuation because it’s easier to read the next clause/sentence for me. and i keep my quotations a space apart because it’s easier for me to see when it’s not glued to the ends of words. idk 😭

anyways that’s my thought for the day like i just had to put this out there because it’s been weighing on me for a while 🫠

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[theartofdreaming1]

Katniss, bravely stepping inbetween Gale and Thread (and his whip) - she’s so courageous and protective, she deserves the world 😭

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 7-9 are below the cut. (Is it just me, or are my notes getting longer and longer with each and every post? I swear, this book is so meaty, we’ll soon reach the point where I have to type out the entire chapter, with my thoughts in the margins)

heart

“Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else in unthinkable.” 

I think these words are a result of Katniss being so afraid of losing Gale that she’s kinda overcompensating; their relationship has been strained these past few months and they’d just had a row, separating from each other on bad terms - and the next time she sees him, he’s been whipped so bad that he’s lost consciousness and could be potentially dying from his wounds. Of course she’s so terrified of losing him, that she’s holding on as tightly as she can to him. It’s important to keep in mind how important their relationship is to her and we see that in her preceding thoughts: What a pair we were - fatherless, frightened, but fiercely commited, too, to keeping our families alive. Desperate, yet no longer alone after that day, because we’d found each other. I think of a hundred moments in the woods, lazy afternoons fishing, the day I taught him to swim, that time I twisted my knee and he carried me home. Mutually counting each other, watching each other’s backs, forcing each other to be brave. - Gale was the first person who was her equal, a kindred spirit, her partner. After Katniss had lost both of her parents when her father died and her mother succumbed to her depression - the people who were supposed to care for her and guide her through growing up - she was stuck with the role of sole provider and protector of her family at age eleven. She must have been so lonely all this time until she met this boy who understood what she was going through and they learned from each other and shouldered their burdens together, to take off some of the overwhelming pressure. Of course that relationship, of course Gale is important to her. But also now their relationship has become more fragile, after the Games they are in danger of growing apart - it’s got to be so terrifying to feel like the one proper, mutual relationship you’ve had seems to be slipping through your fingers. With everything that’s going on, her entire life as it is teetering on the razor’s edge (heck, the president himself has been threatening her and her family!), it’s no wonder that Katniss is craving that familiarity and safety that her relationship with Gale used to provide her with. And seeing Gale in this state just has her holding on to him more tightly than ever.

mind

Hmm, no big moment is coming to my mind right now; I think I’m always most impressed by the tiny moments that show how tenacious, resilient and fiercely kind humans can be - like Darius stepping forward to stop Gale’s cruel punishment, Leevy volunteering to tell Hazelle about Gale and promising to stay with the Hawthorne children, Madge bringing the morphling, Katniss pressing Darius’s hand in the Training Center, Twill taking Bonnie with her to flee to D13 and so on.

soul

I believe that Katniss was honestly surprised to learn that Gale had feelings for her; she had categorically shut down the idea of entering a romantic relationship for herself, so I don’t think she’d seriously consider anyone being romantically interested in her in return (that’s not how that works, of course, but I think that’s how she perceived the whole shtick). Their kiss threw her completely for a loop and if anything, she mostly saw it as something that contributed to the deterioration of their previous, easy and comfortable relationship.

Chapter 7

A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist. [...] They hadn’t anticipated its will to live. - In a way, the Capitol continues to make this mistake with the people living in the districts, too - underestimating their will to live (opposed to just surviving)

I look in his [Gale’s] eyes. His temper can’t quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. - Okay, we don’t know how much Katniss might be (incorrectly) presuming here, but the idea that Gale might feel betrayal because his best friend is being forced into an engagement pisses me off. It’s fine if he’s feeling jealous because she’s being paired off with Peeta when he wishes he could have a shot with her, but how in the world does this even rate as a betrayal?! A) It’s done against her will and B) Just because they’re friends doesn’t mean Katniss owes him anything when we’re talking about romantic feelings... Ugh 😒 Also, it’s quite noteworthy how insecure Katniss feels about their relationship - she’s constantly worried Gale will drop her and their friendship (waiting for Gale after the camera teams left after winning the Games: I’d begun to think that he’d given up on me in the weeks that had passed.- Ch. 2) and it doesn’t help that she’s been through that extreme, traumatic experience without him and they haven’t had much opportunity to spend a lot of time with each other (with the Victory Tour and Gale having to work so much) and when they do hang out, they don’t seem to really talk much, which doesn’t exactly help...

He [Gale] tosses the gloves on my lap. “Here. I don’t want your fiancé’s old gloves.” “He’s not my fiancé. That’s just part of the act. And these aren’t his gloves. They were Cinna’s,” I say. “Give them back, then, he says. - Gale can be so petty sometimes 🙄

While I talk, [...] [Gale] occupies himself with turning the food in the leather bag into a meal for us. Toasting bread and cheese, coring apples, placing chestnuts in the fire to roast. I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Captiol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. [...] Hands I trust. - Oh boy, this moment really shows how these two are at cross purposes right now - Gale’s prepping the food as you would for a toasting (romantic connotation), while Katniss is oberserving his hands, thinking how their hands used to match (not anymore!) and basically wishing herself back into the time before the Games, when things were ‘simpler’/more clearly defined (and also platonic!); there is nothing romantic from her P.O.V. - it’s all about the friendship and trust

[Gale] steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale’s neck to brace myself. He’s laughing, happy. “Hey!” I protest, but I’m laughing, too. Gale sets me down but doesn’t release his hold on me. “Okay, let’s run away.” [...] “You’re sure?” I say. [...] “I’m sure. I’m completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure.” - Yeah, and I’m sure you’re not going to change your opinion in the next five minutes, Gale... In his defense, Gale didn’t know all the details, so in that regard it’s totally valid that he might decide to change his mind after having more input... It’s just that Katniss specifically asks him whether he’s sure and his reply is so full of conviction (100% sure!), only for him to do a complete 180 just a couple of minutes later; Gale’s very hot and cold, which makes for such a harsh contrast when compared to Peeta’s more measured reaction later in the chapter

He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. [...] I don’t try to move away. Why should I, anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. “I love you.” That’s why. - Oh man, Katniss just can’t catch a break 😞 Really not wise of Gale to drop the L-bomb here (after, what? a kiss they never talked about and little else... their communication is truly abysmal and it’s really damaging to their relationship, hurting the both of them)

“Gale, I can’t think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, is how afraid I am. And there doesn’t seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don’t know.” I can see him swallowing his disappointment. “So, we’ll go. We’ll find out.” - I mean, honestly, I totally understand where Katniss is coming from - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she needs a partner, which is why she’s been so eager to talk to her hunting partner, someone she’s used to rely on for survival and now he’s also confounding their relationship by introducing that romance-angle (as if it wasn’t bad enough that her relationship with Peeta got kind of messed up when that same angle was forced upon them prematurely)... Also, telling how Katniss thinks she’d have to be different to maybe even consider a romantic relationship with Gale - Katniss as she is right now just can’t see herself wanting to be with Gale romantically; it would require a change... I’ve got to give Gale credit for still going along with it, and trying to push past his disappointment, though

“My [Gale’s] mother is going to take some convincing.” [...] “Mine, too. I’ll just have to make her see reason. Take her for a long walk. Make sure she understands we won’t survive the alternative.” “She’ll understand. I watched a lot of the Games with her and Prim. She won’t say no to you,” says Gale. - That’s interesting, I wonder what exactly Gale means by that? That Mrs. Everdeen won’t say no to Katniss because she feels guilty that Katniss had to go through the Games or because watching her daughter compete in the Games really made her realize how messed up Panem is? Or that she’s more inclined to trust Katniss’s judgement after everything that has happened?

“Haymitch will be the real challenge.” “Haymitch?” Gale abandons the chestnuts. “You’re asking him to come with us?” “I have to, Gale. I can’t leave him and Peeta because they’d-” His scowl cuts me off. “What?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how large our party was,” he snaps at me. - Gale doesn’t seem to have realized how close and important Peeta and Haymitch have become to Katniss... maybe because they never properly talked about this aspect of Katniss’s life (I swear, their shoddy communication must account for at least half of the damage their relationship has taken in these past few months alone)

“What if he [Peeta] decides to stay?” he [Gale] asks. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.” “You’d leave him behind?” Gale asks. “To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.” “And me, would you leave me?” Gale’s expression is rock hard now. - Boy, oh boy! I think Gale knows (like Peeta) that Katniss could never leave behind the people she cares about; then, he’s kind of gauging whether Peeta has already received the Katniss Everdeen Stamp of ‘Caring’ - and, as it turns out, he has! And then Gale ends up making it into a bit of  competition by asking her whether she would leave him behind (or, alternately, her turning him down has him confused about the depth of their relationship, I dunno); not fun

“There’s an uprising in Eight?” he [Gale] says in a hushed voice. I try to backpedal. To defuse him, as I tried to defuse the districts. - Katniss is going to be about as successful as she���d been at defusing the districts, too - But here we have another example of Katniss trying to rein in Gale’s temper because she’s afraid he’s going to get himself in trouble (like when she decided not to tell him about Snow’s visit to her house because she was worried what he’d do with that information)... It’s really not great that she feels the need to censor herself so he won’t do something dangerous... Katniss knows first-hand how badly impulsive actions and decisions can be received in the Capitol - and she never even meant for a rebellion to happen!

“And it’s my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would’ve happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe. too.” “Safe to do what?” he says in a gentler tone. “Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven’t hurt people - you’ve given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. - Katniss is taking all the responsibility upon herself again... Gale is right to point out that she was merely a catalyst, not the cause for the rebellion - the cause are the awful living conditions of the people in the districts

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they’re not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people - they mean less than nothing to them!” I say. “That’s why we have to join the fight!” he answers harshly. “No! we have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!” [...] “You leave, then, I’d never go in a million years.” [...] “What about your family?” “What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can’t run away?” - This discourse is so painful because they are both right - Katniss has seen more of the districts and how things are handled beyond the (relatively tame) confines of D12 and it’s fair that she wants to know that the people she cares about are safe from harm; Gale, of course, has a point commenting that not everyone has that opportunity and the only way to have a long-lasting, wide-spread improvement of their conditions is through rebelling against their oppressor - but that will inevitably come along with sacrifices and collateral damage and it’s easy to say that it will be worth it in the long run, but when those who are hurt/dead could end up being your loved ones, it’s definitely easier said than done

He throws Cinna’s gloves at my feet. “I changed my mind. I don’t want anything they made in the Capitol.” And he’s gone. I look down at the gloves. Anything they made in the Capitol? Was that directed at me? Does he think I am now just another product of the Capitol and therefore something untouchable? The unfairness of it all fills me with rage. But it’s mixed up with fear over what kind of crazy thing he might do next. - Gale getting rid of Cinna’s gloves just because they are from the Capitol is a prime example of this “us vs. them” mindset that he will be (worringly) fast to adopt - of course, perceiving the opposite side as “other” will make it easier to fight against them; however, it’s all too easy to lose sight of your opponent’s humanity when you think like that (think of how Gale has a hard time understanding Katniss’s distress upon seeing her prep team being treated so terribly/inhumanely in D13); Katniss feeling upset that Gale might perceive her as a product of the Capitol instead of its victim is understandable (and isn’t that exactly what the inhabitants of D13 are going to think of Peeta in MJ?) - and yet, she is still worried Gale could get himself into trouble with his impulsivity; she’s a good bean

”Going to town?” I ask. “Yes. I’m supposed to eat dinner with my family,” he [Peeta] says. - I’m tripping over the word ‘supposed’ here - it doesn’t sound like Peeta’s looking forward to hanging out with his fam, although it can’t be that often, since they’ve been away on Victory Tour and he is living alone (maybe the end of the chapter will give us another hint why that is 😒😒)... I can’t help but wonder whether these family dinners are mainly for public perception (in that case... it really is no wonder Peeta is so good at playing the cameras - poor guy had to fool the outside world his entire life) or because they are the only chance for Peeta to hang out with any of the members of his family he might actually want to spend some time with

“Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?” Peeta takes my arm, bringing me to a stop. He doesn’t need to check my face to see if I’m serious. “Depends on why you’re asking.” President Snow wasn’t convinced by me. There’s an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out,” I say. “By ‘we’ do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?” he asks. - Peeta doesn’t just blindly agree to Katniss’s proposal; he needs to know what’s going on first (he has been burnt before - no more secrets!) - and it’s a testament to how well he knows her that as soon as he’s asking whether she meant just the two of them, he corrects himself because knows that Katniss would never leave the ones she cares about behind

“What about Gale?” he says. “I don’t know. He might have other plans,” I say. Peeta shakes his head and gives me rueful smile. “I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I’ll go.” I feel a slight twinge of hope. “You will?” “Yeah. But I don’t think for a minute you will,” he says. [...] “Then you don’t know me. Be ready. It could be any time.” - Telling how Peeta immediately agrees to the plan once he gathers that Gale won’t come - he knows that Katniss cares about Gale and could never leave him behind, ergo she’d never actually leave under these circumstances - he knows her so well. Also, Katniss’s reaction is like that of a petulant child, it’s kind of funny 😄

“Katniss, hold up.” [...] “I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won’t be making things worse for everyone.” - Ultimately, Peeta would follow Katniss to the ends of the earth - doesn’t mean that he can’t throw in a sensible suggestion in there as well 😉 (Also, in the next chapter we will see how Katniss, Gale, and Peeta might be a little too inexperienced/naive to be able to form accurate expectations of what is to come - Haymitch and his generation have a little more experience in that regard)

He raises his head. “What’s that?” [...] I haven’t noticed the strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. “Come on,” Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don’t know why. I can’t place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him. - Why does my sweet boy know what a whipping sounds like, Suzanne, huh?! Care to explain that? 😭

Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I’m halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way. “Get down. Get out of here!” He’s whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence. - Peeta was offering his hand to help Katniss up the crate because they are a team (and he’s a gentleman)! It’s only when he recognizes who is receiving those lashes and realizes that Katniss will lose her shit once she knows, which could make the current situation even worse, that he urges her to leave, and he is not the only one to think that: - Voices hiss. “Get out of here, girl.” “Only make it worse.” What do you want to do? Get him killed?”

Chapter 8

It’s too late to stop the arm from descending, and I instinctively know I won’t have the power to block it. Instead I throw myself directly between the whip and Gale. I’ve flung out my arms to protext as much of his broken body as possible, so there’s nothing to deflect the lash. I take the full force of it across the left side of my face. - Katniss is so selfless; she knows that it’s either Gale getting hit again or a lash to her own face and she chooses the latter

“Hold it!” a voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground. It’s Darius. [...] He’s knocked out but still breathing. What happened? Did he try to come to Gale’s aid before I got here? - Haymitch sure appeared quickly - I can easily imagine Peeta taking off immediately to get him (or send someone to bring him to the square) once he knew Katniss couldn’t be stopped; but if Haymitch had been at his house in Victor’s Village, there is no way he’d have made that quickly to the square... maybe he was already at the Hob and had gotten wind of the whole situation? Also, poor Darius! Wearing a uniform/being in some sort of position of power is no guarantee you won’t get punished as soon as you show the tiniest glimpse of compassion - in a place like Panem, nobody is safe from the caprice of the people in charge

I see a flicker of recognition in the eyes of the man with the whip. [...] it wouldn’t be easy to identify me as the victor of the last Hunger Games. Especially with half my face swelling up. But Haymitch has been showing up on television for years, and he’d be difficult to forget. - Getting Haymitch truly was the smartest move to make (which is why I’m pretty sure it was a move on Peeta’s part - he’d know how to use reminders of ‘appearances’ to ensure a punishment wouldn’t go ‘too far’, y’know 😢). But also - Thread must have lived under a flipping rock, to not being able to recognizes Katniss (her face must have been plastered all over the place during the Victory Tour, which just had concluded recently) - or he was just too in the heat of the moment, with someone opposing him, bleugh 😒

“He [Gale] was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?” says the man. “He’s her cousin.” Peeta’s got my other arm now, but gently. “And she’s my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us.” - I love how Peeta’s just laying it down as it is; his phrasing just sounds so factual, rather than provocative (although it is, of course); he really has a way with words - Maybe we’re it. The only three people in the district who could make a stand like this. Although it’s sure to be temporary. There will be repercussions. - Haymitch, Peeta, and Katniss working together as a team again! Also, a good example of the effect people with public influence can have 

One [Peacekeeper], a woman named Purnia who eats regularly at Greasy Sae’s, steps forward stiffly. “I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad.” “Is that the standard protocol here?” asks the Head Peacekeeper. “Yes, sir,” Purnia says, and several others nod in agreement. I’m sure none of them actually know because, in the Hob, the standard protocol for someone showing up with a wild turkey is for everybody to bid on the drumsticks. - It’s kinda nice to see the local Peacekeepers supporting Purnia’s claim to get this display to stop - this is the only way out of this situation where Thread’s authority is not openly challenged (and we know Thread doesn’t take well to having his authority challenged - see Darius)

There’s no stretcher, but the old woman at the clothing stall sells us the board that serves as her countertop. “Just don’t tell where you got it,” she says, packing up the rest of her goods quickly. Most of the square has emptied, fear getting the better of compassion. But after what happened, I can’t blame anyone. - It’s sad how that air of intimidation makes people want to mask their acts of compassion (and also says a lot about the precariousness of the existing living situations if that old lady is still selling that board - I’d never even consider exchanging money for that, but that’s probably my privileged situation showing here; Katniss brings up the theme of fear vs compassion - very fitting, since it seems to be her driving force (although, generally, her compassion wins out over her fear) and despite her assertion that fear appears to be getting the better of compassion we see a good amount of people reaching out to help, such as the following example:

Leevy, a girl who lives a few houses down from mine in the Seam, takes my arm. My mother kept her little brother alive last year when he caught the measles. “Need help getting back?” Her gray eyes are scared but determined. - The subtle suggestion here that Leevy might be further motivated to help out because Katniss’s mom helped her little brother is also an excellent example of how kindness breeds kindness

“Get some snow on that,” Haymitch orders over his shoulder. I scoop up a handful of snow and press it against my cheek, numbing a bit of the pain. - This moment reminded me of Peeta immediately reaching for some ice from that fruit tureen after Haymitch hit him on their way to the Games in THG (Ch. 4) - their different immediate reactions to getting hit in the face could simply be due to the fact that Katniss is a little too preoccupied worrying about Gale to think about her injury, of course, but I feel like you could also interpret them as examples for how much experience Katniss and Peeta have with being hit in the face, respectively...

Gale must have gone to Cray’s house, as he’s done a hundred times, knowing Cray pays well for a wild turkey. Instead he found the new Head Peacekeeper, a man they heard someone call Romulus Thread. No one knows what happened to Cray. He was buying white liquor in the Hob just this morning [...] but now he’s nowhere to be found. - As I’ve already mentioned regarding Darius, inhabiting some position of power does not guarantee you any safety in Panem (there is always someone more powerful who will treat their inferiors like garbage, if they feel like it)

By the time I showed up, he [Gale]’d been lashed at least forty times. He passed out around thirty. - Jesus 😨 poor Gale!

“What about Darius?” Peeta asks.“ After about twenty lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough. Only he didn’t do it smart and official, like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread’s arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him,” says Bristel. - It’s so messed up how it is not enough to have someone who’d stand up and do something about a horrible situation - they have to do it the right way, or else they’re toast; there really shouldn’t have to be a smart way of doing the right thing

Snow begins, thick and wet, making visibility even more difficult. - (President) Snow is coming down hard on them, making it hard to see what’s up ahead

Ever so gently, she [Mrs. Everdeen] begins to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale’s back. I feel sick to the stomach, useless, the remaining snow dripping from my glove into a puddle on the floor. Peeta puts me in a chair and holds a cloth filled with fresh snow to my cheek. - Although she’s quite squeamish, Katniss stays as Gale gets treated (the force that holds the loved ones of the hurt/dying, just like when Peeta was being treated after their Games); meanwhile, Peeta is taking care of Katniss - there is so much care + love to be found in this moment

My mother has to save the strongest [painkillers] for the worst pain, but what is the worst pain? To me, it’s always the pain that is present. If I were in charge, those painkillers would be gone in a day because I have so little ability to watch suffering. - Honestly, same; I can’t stomach seeing other people suffer without feeling overwhelmed and feeling like crying... I don’t know how professionals do it

“Just give him the medicine!” I scream at her. [...] “Take her out,” says my mother. Haymitch and Peeta literally carry me from the room while I shout obscenities at her. They pin me down on a bed in one of the extra bedrooms until I stop fighting. - Oof. Poor Katniss! But yeah, it was the best call to remove her from the situation, Mrs. E. had to focus on what she was doing... Also, Haymitch and Peeta are the ones to get Katniss out of there and stay with her - these three take care of each other!

After a while, my mother comes in and treats my face. Then she holds my hand, stroking my arm, while Haymitch fills her in on what happened with Gale. “So it’s starting again?” she says. “Like before?” - Katniss’s mom has become a much more active and soothing presence in this book, I like it... Also, what does “again” mean? Does this imply there has been an attempted uprising in D12 that needed to be squashed before?

Cray would have been disliked, anyway, because of the uniform he wore, but it was his habit of luring starving young women into his bed for money that made him an object of loathing in the district. In really bad times, the hungriest would gather at his door at nightfall, vying for the chance to earn a few coins to feed their families by selling their bodies. Had I been older when my father died, I might have been among them. - Horrifying and absolutely disgusting 🤢 Those poor women! How desperate they must have been! 

... when the doorbell rings, I shoot straight out of bed. [...] “They [the peacekeepers] can’t have him,” I say. “Might be you they’re after,” Haymitch reminds me. “Or you,” I say. “Not my house,” Haymitch points out. “But I’ll get the door.” “No, I’ll get it,” says my mother quietly. - Again, Mrs. Everdeen is taking the initiative! She was so watered down in the movies

[Madge] holds out a small, damp cardboard box to me. “Use these for your friend,” she says. I take off the lid of the box, revealing half a dozen vials of clear liquid. [...] “What is that stuff?” asks Peeta. “It’s from the Capitol. It’s called morphling,” my mother answers. “I didn’t even know Madge knew Gale,” says Peeta. “We used to sell her strawberries,” I say almost angrily. What am I angry about, though? Not that she has brought the medicine, surely. “She must have quite a taste for them,” says Haymitch. That’s what nettles me. It’s the implication that there’s something going on between Gale and Madge. And I don’t like it. “She’s my friend” is all I say. - I mean, Katniss could be mad because A) Gale had literally just told her he loved her a few hours ago and if there was something (reciprocated) going on between Gale and Madge, that would have been pretty shitty for both girls involved and also B) she is friends with both of them and it would be hurtful to learn that two of your closest friends had been seeing each other without telling you anything about it... also, she’s super upset over Gale getting so seriously hurt just after they’d had an argument, her feelings are all over the place

... I’m selfish. I’m a coward. I’m the kind of girl, who, when she might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who couldn’t follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods today. No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does. You saved Peeta, I think weakly. But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die. - Yes, Katniss, you knew that your life back in D12 would have been unlivable if he died - but not because you feared that people would shun you; it was because you “couldn’t lose the boy with the bread” and because “if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really”... This is an excellent example of how distorted your memories can get when you are in a bad headspace at present

The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. - Katniss, you don’t have to be planning to overthrow a corrupt and cruel government to be someone of worth! You’re someone of worth just by being yourself! - The trouble is, I don’t know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment. - Frankly, very rarely are our motivations clearly defined by a single factor - or my professor would not have been able to teach an entire semester-long course on motivation psychology😉)

Chapter 9

Gale’s dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine. I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he’s been watching us awhile. “Go on up to bed, Katniss. I’ll look after him now,” he says. - Peeta! Must have been hard for him to see Katniss like this (and the underlying strength of Katniss and Gale’s relationship, when his relationship with Katniss is still not all that solidified), and yet he’s being such a good bean about it 😭

I give a strangled cry and wake with a start, sweating and shivering at once. Cradling my damaged cheek in my hand, I remind myself that it was not Clove but Thread who gave me this wound. I wish that Peeta were here to hold me, until I remember I’m not supposed to wish that anymore. I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine. - Katniss, gurl... Maybe your instinctive desire to receive comfort from Peeta is trying to tell you something??!? Also, Katniss is forcing this strange dichotomous association of Gale = rebellion and Peeta = Capitol, when in just a bit, she’s clearly connecting Peeta to the rebellion as well (aside from the fact that Peeta was basically the first person to suggest to her that maybe a rebellion was necessary... just saying)

Fighting the Capitol assures their swift retaliation. I must accept that at any moment I can be arrested. [...] There might be torture. Mutliation. A bullet through the skull in the town square [...] I imagine these things and I’m terrified, but let’s face it: They’ve been lurking in the back of my brain, anyway. [...] I’m already a target. - Oh geez! Despite admitting that she’s terrified of what the Capitol is capable fo doing to her, Katniss is still pretty composed naming the possible horrors in store for her, which is just a heartbreaking reminder of how many terrible things she has already had to endure.🙁

Now comes the harder part. I have to face the fact that my family and friends might share this fate. Prim. I need only to think of Prim and all my resolve disintegrates. It’s my job to protect her. [...] I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. - 😭😭😭 Katniss has reached a point where she can put her own need for survival/physical intactness aside, but the thought of something awful happening to Prim stops her short (it’s so strange to think that, in a twisted way, it wasn’t the Capitol who’d ended up inflicting the final harm upon Prim...)

And then it hit’s me. They already have. They have killed her father in those wretched mines. They have sat by as she almost starved to death. [...] She has been hurt far worse than I had at the age of twelve. And even that pales in comparison with Rue’s life. [...] Prim... Rue... aren’t they the very reason I have to try to fight? Because what has been done to them is so wrong, so beyond justification, so evil that there is no choice? Because no one has the right to treat them as they have been treated? Yes. This is the thing to remember when fear threatens to swallow me up. What I am about to do, whatever any of us are forced to endure, it is for them. - All these things are very true and it’s also very fitting that the main motivation for Katniss would be to ensure a better future for the children of Panem (and to avenge the evils done to the people close to her heart... while Katniss of course can see the abstract bigger picture/reason for the rebellion, she always operates best when it comes to specific people/circumstances she has a deep, personal connection with)... But also: all these things apply to you, too, Katniss! Despite your tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone, you’re still a child that had to grow up way too fast and had to endure way too much!

We need someone to direct us and reassure us this is possible. And I don’t think I’m that person. I may have been a catalyst for rebellion, but a leader should be someone with conviction, and I’m barely a convert myself. Someone with unflinching courage, and I’m still working hard at finding mine. Someone with clear and persuasive words, and I’m so easily tongue-tied. Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. - Katniss’s idea of a great leader for the rebellion is Peeta - interesting, isn’t it (she could have considered Gale, but no)? She makes a good point, though: it helps when a leader has plenty of charisma, and our boy has that in spades; he’s got a good set of morals, is not above joining in on the action/risking his own neck when the need arises and is very genuine and purposeful with his words and actions, which is inspiring... I think Katniss is severely underselling how courageous she is, though

He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I’m sure the idea has never crossed his mind. - Why would you assume that, Katniss? Peeta’s literally the one to suggest to you that trying to placate the district might not be the right thing to do... Peeta’s not someone who’d stir up trouble just for the sake of stirring up trouble, sure; he’s much more deliberate about doing things the ‘right’ way, but he’s not generally opposed to challenging authorities (he’s literally the one to openly gift some of your winnings to another district!)

She knows what she’s doing, my mother. I feel a pang of remorse about yesterday, the awful things I yelled at her as Peeta and Haymitch dragged me from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. About screaming at you yesterday.” - It’s so sweet how Katniss feels sorry for yelling at her mom and apologizes to her; their relationship really has improved so much in this book - “I’ve heard worse,” she says. “You’ve seen how people are, when someone they love is in pain.” Someone they love. [...] Of course, I love Gale. But what kind of love does she mean? What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don’t know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But i’m sure he doesn’t remember it. Does he? I hope not. - Katniss is struggling to figure out in what way she loves Gale... She definitely doesn’t want him to remember their kiss because she knows it wouldn’t be fair to give him the hope that she might be able to return his romantic feelings when she is still in the dark about her own

... and I can’t really think about kissing when I’ve got a rebellion to incite. I give my head a little shake to clear it. “Where’s Peeta?” I say. - Lol, goes on to immediately mention the guy she’s been kissing these past few weeks (see, with Peeta you could actually have both: kissing and rebellion, Katniss - he’s the perfect man, isn’t he? 😉😋)

“He went home when he heard you stirring. Didn’t want to leave his house unattended during the storm,” says my mother. - Yeah, I don’t think Peeta left because of his house; I’m pretty sure he needed some time to himself after seeing Katniss and Gale this morning - he is the type of person who needs to be alone to work through his feelings when he’s feeling upset - “Did he get back all right?” [...] “Why don’t you give him a call and check?” she says. I go into the study, a room I’ve pretty much avoided since my meeting with President Snow, and dial Peeta’s number. After a few rings he answers. “Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss. I live three houses away from you,” he says. “I know, but with the weather and all,” I say. “Well, I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” There’s a long pause. “How’s Gale?” - Aww, Katniss is worried about Peeta and gives him a call, although she hates being in the study 😊 Also, her calling him must have been at least of some reassurance to Peeta that she genuinely cares about him, in some way (though, he’s still clearly busy processing her relationship with Gale, since he’s asking about him as if he hadn’t seen that dude just a couple of minutes prior)

“Have you seen Haymitch today?” “I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread,” he says. “I wanted to talk to - to both of you.” I don’t dare add more, here on my phone, which is surely tapped. -  Despite everything, Peeta still made sure to look after Haymitch! And I know, there is also the issue of their houses themselves potentially being bugged, but I couldn’t help imagining how they could easily avoid the whole phone-tapping thing simply by using a tin can telephone (they do live pretty close to each other, after all) 😂

“You don’t even have a phone,” I say. “Effie had that fixed,” he [Haymitch] says. “Do you know she asked me if I’d like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better.” “Haymitch.” I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. “Katniss.” He mimics my tone. “It won’t work.” - Okay, but Haymitch mimicking Katniss’s tone reminds me so much of when Peeta mimicked her tone towards the end of their Games, when she was trying to persuade him to climb into a tree as a lookout while he was insistent she’d show him some plants to gather; these three, I swear! 😂 On a sad note, Haymitch is talking from experience here when he’s advising Katniss not to challenge the Capitol 🥺😢

Some streets away from the square, I see a blaze flare up. None of us has to say it. That can only be the Hob going up in smoke. I think of Greasy Sae, Ripper, all my friends who make their livings there. - Katniss considers the people from the Hob her friends - honestly, even if the Hawthornes, Everdeens, Peeta and Haymitch all had agreed to leave D12, I don’t think Katniss would have been able to go through with it - she cares too much about the people in D12 to have been able to leave them to their fate

“Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare.” He [Haymitch] trudges off across the square and I look at Peeta. “What’s he want that for?” Then I realize the answer. “We can’t let him drink it. He’ll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I’ve got some white liquor put away at home.” “Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business,” says Peeta. - Another instance of Katniss and Peeta being on the same wavelength, having taken precautions to help out Haymitch so he doesn’t have to go cold turkey again

We find Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. I recognize the measles spots. “I couldn’t leave her,” she says. “I knew Gale’d be in the best possible hands.” - The second mention of someone having contracted the measles in D12 - Why the heck does the Capitol withhold measles vaccination from the people in the districts?! They’re inflicting unnecessary damage onto the very people they want to exploit... But I guess cruelty isn’t always about playing it smart and logical...

When we’re outside, I turn to Peeta. “You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob.” “I’ll go with you,” he says. “No. I’ve dragged you into enough trouble,” I tell him. “And avoiding a stroll by the Hob... that’s going to fix things for me?” He smiles and takes my hand. - They are a team, they stick together (and they are constantly holding hands, always physically linked to each other)😩💕 Also, Peeta pointing out the irrationality of Katniss’s train of thought to calm her down and stay with her reminds me of how he’s going to use logical reasoning to calm her down after the jabberjays in the Quarter Quell arena

We go back to the square. I buy some cakes from Peeta’s father while they exchange small talk about the weather. No one mentions the ugly tools of torture just yards from the front door. The last thing I notice as we leave the square is that I do not recognize even one of the Peacekeepers’ faces. - How weird is it that Peeta and his dad just talk about the weather?! Is this supposed to illustrate how in the Mellark family they just ignored the ugliness going on in their lives *cough cough* the abuse *cough cough* and just pretended that everything was fine, on a very superficial level? Also, it makes perfect sense that the Peacekeepers have been exchanged; the more time we spend with people, the more likely we are to like them - that won’t do if you want to have a ruthless authoritarian police force in the districts

As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don’t receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty-handed. [...] The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. - This is just so awful and despicable 😞 Life in the districts was already horrible but now the government does not even honor the extortionary rules they themselves have set up! I can’t help but wonder if the lack of food could be traced back to rebellions in the food supplying districts and, to keep this from the inhabitants of the Capitol, the reduced amount of good food was (obviously) kept for the Capitolites, so that the bad food had to be sent to the districts, anyway... It just seems like such a breach of ‘honor’/etiquette on the Capitol’s part, I dunno... Or maybe Snow was just desperate to use any means necessary to stamp out any potential rebellions in the districts that he still had some control over...

Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can’t help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. [...] Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can’t even speak about - Poor, Gale! Poor Hawthornes :(

My fingers have all but decided to release the arrow when I see the object in the glove. It’s a small white circle of flat bread. More of a cracker, really. Gray and soggy around the edges. But an image is clearly stamped in the center of it. It’s my mockingjay. - It is so very telling that the true symbol of the rebellion combines something symbolic of Katniss (which also contains a nod to Rue) and something symbolic of Peeta (the bread/cracker!) The people in the districts have rightfully recognized the both of them as symbol of the rebellion; they have a truer vision of the matter than the more artifically/forcefully constructed symbol of rebellion that D13 /Coin will push - we will also see that when the people in D13 will view Peeta as a traitor, while the rebels Katniss will visit in D8 instead ask her about Peeta and assure her that they know he was speaking under duress

[chaos-writes-fanfiction]

Someone Better

Pairings: Yamaguchi × fem!reader

A/n this is my first time writing for Yamaguchi, and I know I’ve a few stories about Oikawa being a jerk etc but I plan on writing for him soon to give him some love dont worry

Warnings: mentions of cheating

When you started dating Oikawa you thought things were going to be great however you couldn’t have been more wrong. He spent his time training and practicing Volleyball, studying and hanging out with Iwaizumi or his fan girls. It was hard to not get jealous of his fans but it inevitably happened. Especially since you went to Karasuno not Aoba Josai.

Today there was a practice match between Seijoh and Karasuno. You are walking to the gym with your middle school friends Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, when you see the fan girls. You just ignore them for now.

“Are you going to stay and watch?” Yamaguchi asked

“Of course I’m going to watch” you said smiling

“Have to show my support for my best friends”

“We’re not best friends” Tsukishima said

“Says the guy who still has the dino plush I gave you the first Christmas we knew each other” you teased him

“Okay fine were best friends” he said rolling his eyes.

“Yama, Tsuki, good luck” you said hugging Yamaguchi before leaving to go upstairs to watch the practice match.

You wait upstairs for the game to start and watch as Oikawa walked onto the court to star warming up by Iwaizumi. But you frown when you notice a hickey on Oikawas neck that you didnt leave. Anger started to boil in you as you storm down the stairs and go over to him.

“Kawa” you said tapping your foot to try to expel some of your angeriuuuu

“Hi cutie” he said smiling but his smile vanished when he noticed you were upset “what’s wrong?”

“Have you been cheating on me?” You asked

“No why would you ask me that?” Oikawa asked

“You have a hickey on you neck asshole” you said “and I didn’t leave it there”

“Shit” he mumbled scratching the back of his neck.

“Whatever its over” you said turning to leave.

He grabbed your wrist pulling you back to him

“No, you dont get end things” he said

“Yes she does” Daichi said

“Let her go” Asahi said

He released your wrist Daichi and the other third years protectively had you behind them. Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around you bring you into his chest.

“Dont ever touch her again” Daichi said

“Shes trash anyways” Oikawa said

“No you she isn’t” Yamaguchi said

“Its no surprise someone like you could never appreciate someone like her” Tsukishima said

“We will handle this on the court by beating you” Daichi said

The team took you back to their side. And they went back to warming up. You stayed by Coach Ukai and Kiyoko. You watch the game and cheer for Karasuno as they end up winning two of the three sets.

As your team is getting ready to leave you’ve attached yourself to Tsuki and Yama walking between them as you leave.

A few weeks have passed and you’ve been alot closer to Yamaguchi. To the point some of the girls in your class came up to you one day.

“Hey aren’t you dating Yamaguchi?” She asked

“No why would you say that?” You asked

“Well you’re always with him and that Tsukishima guy” she said “and you’ve been seen walking with him to school”

“We’re friends have been since before middle school” you said “and we’re neighbors so we always walk to school together”

Then the girl turned to one of the other girls

“You owe me money they aren’t dating!” She said proudly

“Wait you made a bet on weather or not we were dating?” You asked frowning

“Well yeah why else would you hang out with him?” She asked

“For your information Yamaguchi is one of the sweetest most caring people out there, and just because hes shy no one gets to see that and any girl would be lucky to be his girlfriend” you snapped back

Little did you know that Tsuki and Yama were waiting to pick you up from class and heard everything when you stood to and grabbed your things and left

“Oh you’re here” you said

“Yeah came to get you pipsqueak” Tsuki said

“Come on” Yamaguchi said

You nod and follow them out towards the volleyball gym. Tsuki went on a head of you and Yamaguchi.

“So, did you mean what you said in class?” Yamaguchi asked nervously scratching the back of his neck

“That you’re incredibly sweet and kind?” You asked “and any girl would be lucky to be your girlfriend?”

“Yeah that” he said

“Oh well you should know by now I don’t say things I dont mean” you said smiling up at him

He turned and faced you lightly touching your cheek. He ran his thumb over your bottom lip

“C-can I kiss you?” He whispered

As you looked into his eyes you nod. He leaned down and kissed your lips tenderly his lips molding to yours, as the months if not longer of mutual pining and denial of feelings for one another faded away. You gripped his shirt as he cupped your cheeks in his hands.

“Oooh first year is getting some action!” Tanaka hollered

“Who knew Yamaguchi had it in him?” Nishinoya added.

You both part hearing the second years. Before you can turn to run Yamaguchi pulls you into his embrace so you can hide your blushing face. He hides his face in your hair.

“Tell me I’m dreaming” he whispered in your ear

“I’m sorry yama, but you’re 100% awake” you whisper

He groaned and hugged you tighter.

“Yamaguchi we have practice get a move on it” Sugawara yelled

“Watch practice?” He asked

“Of course” you said pulling away to look at his face.

His cheeks were still slightly red. You lean up and kissed his cheek. His cheeks flamed darker now. But he took your hand and led you to the gym. You stayed and watched him practice.

After practice you walked home with Tsukki and Yama like normal. But this time you were walking beside Yamaguchi a little closer than normal.

“Hey dummy” Tsukki said

Both you and Yamaguchi stop and look at him

“What?” Yamaguchi asked

“Just hold her damn hand already” Tsukki said “you both are so painfully oblivious to your feelings I’m sick of watching it” he walked on ahead of you both after that

You blush at Tsuki’s words even though he already left. You look at Yamaguchi who is looking at you.

“Can I hold your hand?” He asked

“Yes, you can” you said

He gently took your hand and gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

“I really like you Yamaguchi” you said

“I like you too. Will, you be my girlfriend?” He asked nervously

“Yes” you said smiling at him

“Oh thank goodness” he said in relief

“Did you think I would say no?” You asked softly

“Well I mean I’m nothing like Oikawa, he’s taller, stronger an-” he started

“Yama, I like you for you I have for so long” you said “he didn’t care about me, not like you do”

He smiled and kissed your forehead

“Thank you for that” he said

“Of course” you said smiling up at him

“Will you come to the tournament next week?” He asked

“Of course, I will I need to support my boyfriend and my school” you said

A week passed and were headed to the tournament. Excited to watch them play. When you arrive you see them walking off the bus.

“Yamaguchi, your girlfriend is here” Tanaka said

He turned and smiled running over to you.

“Hey Sweetheart” he said hugging you

“Hi Tadashi” you said smiling and kissing his cheek

“Wanna wear my jacket?” He asked blushing

“Really?” You asked

“Mhmm” he said he pulled away and took off his jacket.

You put it on and smiled warmly up at him.

“Yamaguchi let’s go, you might as well bring her with you” Daichi called as they started walking to go inside.

Yamaguchi took your hand and caught up to the rest of the team. You ended up helping Yachi and Kiyoko with some prep. When things got started you notice Aoba Josai walking in. You ignore them and go back to helping Kiyoko. They end up winning 3 games before having their next match against Seijoh. You were nervous about the match.

You are standing against the railing with Yachi and Saeko watching them warm up before the game. Seijoh walks onto the court and starts warming up too. That’s when Oikawa notices you. He frowns seeing you in a black jacket.

“Tadashi, Tsuki” you said waving to them “good luck”

They both wave back at you, Tadashi smiled warmly. Oikawa saw this and started getting mad. You watch the game and it’s time for Tadashi to serve.

“Go Tadashi!” You cheer for him

He looks up at you smiles taking a deep breath and does his serve. And Karasuno ends up winning. After their win you run down to the court.

“You did amazing!” You said running to Tadashi

He smiled and picked you up hugging you tightly. Then leaned down and kissed your lips. Oikawa saw was visibly angry.

“Seriously?” Oikawa asked.

You pull away from Tadashis lips “what?” You asked

“Him? You go from me to him?” Oikawa asked

“Yes I went from a self centered cheater to a incredibly sweet and loving boyfriend who isnt afraid to show me off” you said

Tadashi wrapped his arms around your waist resting his chin on your shoulder. And moved his jacket a little showing a few hickeys that were on your neck.

“Shes wearing my volleyball jacket, with hickeys I left on her” he said

“When we dated you told me to not worry about him” Oikawa said

“And you didnt have to, we got together after you cheated on me” you said

“Now shes mine, and I have no intention of letting her go” he said “now if you’ll excuse us, we are going to celebrate our win”

You both walk away hand in hand to go celebrate with the rest of the team. Your hand securely in his. He leaned down and gave you another kiss on the lips before you walked out to rest for the remainder of the day.

[arsenicpanda]

Before I begin, let me request everyone censor b*rchie in any and all future asks, because I will always be negative on it, and I am not a fan of having to screenshot the ask to 100% avoid my inevitably negative post showing up in the search.

Anyway!

When it comes to considering different povs on ship interactions, I like to keep this quote from Sawyer7Mage (which I’m also going to post separately, actually) in mind:

If you're driving a car on the road, and I'm sitting in the passenger seat and I look up ahead in the distance and I see a moose--which, in this case, the moose represents [ship 1]--if I see a moose, I have the obligation to tell you, "Hey, if we keep going, we're gonna hit a moose." But [ship 2] fans think they see a cat in the distance, okay, so they keep saying, "No, no, it's a cat, don't worry about it, it'll be fine." Okay, sooner or later that thing is going to be either a moose or a cat. So when the time comes, okay, and we finally hit whatever we're supposed to hit, I just don't want people telling me, "Why the fuck did we hit a moose, that makes no fucking sense." I've been telling you we were gonna hit a moose since, I don't know, fuckin' two years ago.

Which is to say, every ship has its evidence and its arguments, and we often won’t know for sure until everything is said and done; we won’t know if it’s a moose or a cat until we get there, at which point we can complain about how hitting a moose or a cat being in the road was fucking stupid as hell and we hate it.

Anyway, as for the bh kiss and potential jabitha ilu....

The bh kiss can be interpreted in multiple ways depending on the viewer's pov because that's just how media works a lot: we understand it through the lenses and biases we bring with us.  Our assumptions about the direction a work will take color our interpretation of how a story is currently playing out, so if the viewer's assumption is that we will return to bh in the end, the kiss reads differently than it does to someone who assumes we will never return to bh.

We can try and piece the direction together, yes, but the Riverdale writers are extremely unreliable, and significant changes sometimes are signaled and followed through on in only one or two episodes back-to-back (e.g. choni being kicked out of the Serpents, Jughead giving a shit about school in s4, ba cheating, Toni and Fangs getting together, choni breaking up, ba getting together at the end of s5, va breaking up in 5x18, choni getting together, kangs getting together, I'll even include bh getting together in s1 because--while a significant amount of time is spent on it and I think it's done well--most of that time is shoved into two episodes, are you seeing a pattern here).

Also, how the kiss happened, why, and what it did or did not achieve are not relevant to its looming nature; it's looming simply because it happened, and, since 6b is paralleling Rivervale, the question is "Will it happen again as a parallel, and, if so, when and why and what would it mean?"

(Also, don't bullshit me and try to tell me that what Betty and Archie have is love, especially in 5x19, after they previously mutually decided not to date each other because they didn't work, then didn't speak to each other for ten episodes, and then, only after Veronica and Archie broke up, randomly started dating (except they didn't agree they were dating, so I guess it was hooking up again?). That's not love, that's convenience.)

I will say, after 6x16 and 6x14, I don't think we'll be getting a parallel bh kiss; I think Jughead will hear or see the 6x05 kiss or whatever, and that will compound whatever the fuck they were doing with the end of 6x14 and Jughead's surge of bh kiss memories.  And I do think that that might lead into jabitha ilu as a Rivervale parallel, although that might pay off by Jughead hearing/seeing it instead of it also happening in a similar way.  Considering the "Love, Jughead", I do think we'll get one, and it's just a matter of how: will it involve a Rivervale parallel or will it connect to Jughead's certain death?  Because it’s going to be at least one of those, assuming it happens. After that though, who knows what’ll happen considering that “Dead End” foreshadowing.

But I think it’s still possible for bh to return; after all, the show spent four seasons--over half of the final length of the show--on it (including proposal and wedding imagery and foreshadowing), and that’s a lot to discard. But they’ve also put a number of eggs into the jabitha basket this past 1.5 seasons, so it’s gone from “likely bh” to “jfc, idk, man, idk”.

TL;DR The Riverdale writers change courses too quickly for us to be able to say, definitively, what direction the show will take when it comes to ships, so I will not completely discount the possibility of a bh return or bh-positive interpretations of events, even though I, personally, think we’re getting jabitha ilu, although god knows where things go from there.

[trash-but-respectable-trash]

Headcanons of what life in the Devildom would be like if my best friend and I were both exchange student at the same time:

Heads up! This is completely self-indulgent content. I made this as a gift for my best friend: @beel-is-a-snack love you bitch 😘

Lucifer:

- Lucifer would probably really hate us at first.

- It’s feels to him like everywhere we go together, something really weird will happen

- It’s things he cannot link to us, but he knows it’s because of us because these things never happened before

- At first, we probably wouldn’t listen to his orders, we didn’t leave a controlling household just to go to another one

- A single punishment (and not the kinky kind) would be all it takes for us to never disobey his orders again

- It would come at no surprise that I would immediatly have a fat crush on him and that I would talk about him all the time to you, even though you wouldn’t understand what I see in him at first

- The more you would notice how much he cares about his brothers, the more you would like him. You two would developed a mutual understanding about taking the role of the parent by default even if that wasn’t your choice

- You two could probably also relate to each other’s daddy issues sorry love you

- With time you two could be really close friends, but probably not more than that, because he’s mine

- Don’t worry we’ll find you a more suitable boyfriend

- He definitely wouldn’t try to come between our friendship and would never be jealous of it either

- He would give us plenty of time alone, but even if he didn’t, we couldn’t even try to speak French around him because I’m 100% sure he also speak French as a second or third or fourth language

- We would probably found out about it the hard way while I would either tell you how handsome he is or you telling me he’s a control freak and he would just reply to us in perfect French

- Yeah we would only make that mistake once

Mammon

- Mammon also hates us at first, he has to take care of TWO humans?? That’s asking too much of him, he can barely take care of himself

- After a while, it would probably be the other way around as we would be the ones taking care of him

- He cannot decide which one of us he loves more (probably the one who gives him the most attention and positive reinforcement)

- He quickly becomes jealous of our friendship and tries to hangout with us every chances he gets

- It can be a bit awkward when we’re trying to talk about boys, since we’re likely talking about his brothers

- We would need to have codes to refer to the brothers or we could use French when we don’t want him to understand what we’re saying, since he’s definitely too dumb to understand French

- It was 100% clear in our minds that neither of us would end up dating Mammon as we both need someone who could mentally stimulates us

- Also he would for sure steal our stuff out of our rooms and try to sell them

- After a full week of silent treatment from both of us, he wouldn’t ever try to steal our stuff again

- He would try to trick us in participating in his shaninagans, but we would probably report it to Lucifer just to see Mammon get punish (ok mostly me, but I would drag you with me to see the aftermath)

- Never suspects us of being the one who snitch him all the time to Lucifer, he probably thinks it’s Levi

Leviathan

- Oh boy. Opposite to Lucifer and Mammon, it’s us who hates him at first

- What the fuck is that hair style, why is he always screaming and talking an hundred miles an hour rambling about animes and Ruri-Chan, who’s Ruri-Chan??

- Probably calls us normies until he finds out you had a Naruto collection when you were 13 years old and that you used to love mangas

- And that I now enjoy some animes and mangas myself, so now he calls both of us weebs, which isn’t much better honestly

- We would TOLERATE gaming with him if he isn’t screaming all the fucking time

- We would immediately leave any room we’re in everytime he says “Woooooaaaahhhh”

- He needs to shut up or else we can never be friends with him

- He also gets jealous of our friendship, he wish he had a best friend with such a strong bond, yeah he has Henry 2.0 but it’s just not the same you know

- He wonders if his friendship with Ruri-Chan would be similar to ours if she was real

- He tried to become really close with Solomon to recreate our friendship, but Solomon spent his time trying to form a pact with Levi so he ended it

Satan

- I have to say that I think that Satan and I are the most similar

- We’re both intelligent, independent and observant individuals who do not tolerate dumb people, we both enjoy reading a bit too much, we’re both messy, we’re both way too honest and we’re pros at hiding our anger (especially towards stupidity)

- Ok, so I’m not saying you wouldn’t get along with Satan, I just think you wouldn’t have much in common with him and by that I mean that’s he’s a very rational being and the best form of art in his eyes is writing

- I think what would make it or break it for both of you is his and your knowledge on all forms of arts and the history being it. Satan would probably test you and if you pass in his eyes, you can be friends, otherwise he would consider you unworthy

- Yeah I know it’s rough, but you don’t need a friend who needs to test you on your knowledge about art to see if you two can be friends

- Even if you pass the test, I don’t see you two being super close as he is mostly in his room reading and you would be in your studio, doing all of your art projects

- In any case, you guys would have to get along somehow since he would probably be the one I would be closest with and you’re my best friend so obviously you two would have to hang out by default quite a lot

- When you would be in your studio, I would probably be at the library or in Satan’s room reading

- We would also all study together and use Satan as our tutor for classes were we have more difficulty (but you’re lucky, there’s no French class given at RAD so you should do fine)

Asmodeus

- If we push aside the lust part of him and focus on his other personality traits, Asmo would like us from the start

- Two best friends how fun! He would probably tell us how Solomon is his best friend before finding out later by Solomon that it isn’t true

- Asmo is a lonely demon, sure he gets plenty of physical attention, but no one cares about him past his beauty

- We would be the one to change that, we would both see further than his beauty, but also further than his narcissistic ways to find out who the real Asmo is

- He’s the insecure one who only wants to be love. We would both act as his therapist. Sometimes he would confess to us while doing our nails and makeup or sometimes he would just start sobbing on my lap or your lap, pouring his heart out and telling us his deepest fears and secrets because he finally feels safe enough to say these things to someone

- He would probably crave our attention and comfort the more and more we listen to him. We would need to set boundaries or else we would feel like we’re suffocating. We both need our space and Asmo would have to understand that fact

- We would rub on him and he would slowly stop going out so much, instead appreciating his alone time the better he feels about himself

Beelzebub

- At first I would be a bit scared of him, he’s big and he keeps making comments about how delicious we look (and again, not in the kinky way)

- You on the other hand, would probably feel that he isn’t a bad guy at all and you would definitely see more than his angry looking face and his never ending comments about food

- Just a few conversations with him can tell how much he cares about his family and his twin in particular

- That man is such an himbo, but he also have a big heart just like you and you’re both so cute together

- Everyone ship the both of you even though you’re both emotionally dense and it would take a while for you and him to FINALLY be together

- It’s not that you didn’t love each other, it’s just that you never took the signs that the other one was sending you, mistaking it for simple kindness and nothing more

- He would probably have to just straight up tell you l that he’s in love with you for your relationship to go anywhere

- Basically everyone’s like “FINALLY” the moment you both annonce that you’re officially dating

- Wedding and kids would come shortly after that

- You’re both very family oriented and are both super vanilla so that’s a winning couple if I’ve ever seen one

Belphegor

- Ok first of all, if we were the MC, Belphie would 100% still be locked in the attic

- It would only take one warning from Lucifer for us to never go up those stairs again

- But for the sake of this, let’s say you knew this was Beel’s brother and you loved Beel so much that you were ready to face the consequences to save his brother

- And let’s say I wasn’t aware of this, because if I were and we both decided to go up the stairs anyway, it wouldn’t take me long at all before realizing that Belphie is lying to us and that we cannot trust him

- If I wasn’t aware of you going up the stairs by yourself, you’re so trusting of everyone that you would for sure do the same thing as the MC and free Belphegor just to get yourself killed. I told you dozens of time, don’t trust everyone!

- Anyway, let’s say we both died somehow (I probably got killed by Lucifer once he found out what you did) and Barbatos and Diavolo brought us to a timeline were we didn’t die

- Well, let’s say the saying “I forgive but I never forget” would represent me 100%

- I would be forgiving for the sake of Beelzebub, but Belphie and I would NEVER be close, whether it appears to be the case or not

- I might let him sleep on my lap or listen to him talk about how he loves his twin, but don’t get me wrong, I would never trust him or be his friend

- In your case, you would either be like me or you wouldn’t ever forgive him

- Forgivness isn’t always something you can control and you might always hold a grudge against him after what he did

- That could either destroy what you had with Beel, because he cannot date someone who hates his brother so much, or he could also understand how you feel, but he would still try to make you and his brother friends good luck with that

Diavolo

- Oh boy that’s my type of man right there

- What a fucking piece of ass

- Ok back on track, Diavolo would obviously be the one who’s most excited to have us in the Devildom

- He would always invite us for tea, asking us questions about the human world and laughing at our dumb stories

- We would troll him with human traditions that don’t exist like how you need to pray before eating chocolate truffle or how humans eat St-Hubert (a rotisserie restaurant comparable to Nando’s) every Sunday and how What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction is the national anthem of our country

- I can imagine him watching the video clip of What Makes You Beautiful that same night and being like “wow! That is beautiful!”

- Lucifer would be so mad at us, but it would be worth it

- We would also tell him that “thug life” and “yolo” are commonly use expression in the human world when you’re excited about something and he would start using them at the most random moments while everyone is like “???”

- We would totally hate every party hosted by Diavolo and we would 1000% leave to explore the castle only to get lost and then brought back by either Barbatos or Lucifer (lord have mercy)

- It doesn’t matter, we would do it everytime, choosing a different path everytime until we’ve explore every part of the castle (which would realistically never happen)

- Diavolo would probably give us a plan of the castle behind Lucifer’s back so we can explore the castle however we want. He himself, isn’t a fan of these events and would much rather hang out with us than be stuck making conversations with nobles he doesn’t care about

- Other than that, you would have to listen to me talk endlessly about how it isn’t fair that I cannot date both Lucifer AND Diavolo until I actually do

Barbatos

- This one is a difficult one, since we basically know nothing about the Butler

- We would probably have a good grasp of who he is if we were in the devildom, since we have pretty good intuitions on people

- I would probably talk to Barbatos about baking and all the different variations of tea, probably dropping way to soon a reference to Black Butler like he never heard the comparaison before

- Much like his devilgram story, he would probably invite me to get some specific type of tea that can only be purchase out of town, never implying that it’s a date even though he qualify it as one in his head

- There’s not much more to say about him, I think you would see him as Diavolo’s Butler more than a potential lover or close friend

Simeon

- Ouf poor sweet angel. Let’s state the obvious first, he would probably be very disappointed in me and my very obvious lust for certain demons

- Wouldn’t be happy with me straying further away from god each passing day

- I would defend myself by telling him I do pray and go once a year to church to ask God for forgiveness for all of my sins

- Yeah if I was in the Devildom, my list of sins I committed during my stay would be particularly long

- Still, I would have no regrets

- Ok, I have to say it, this angel is shady. I think we would sense that something isn’t right with him. His smile and energy are a little off, he’s definitely hiding something but what?

- If we had time to kill we could do some research on the matter and ask people around about what they know about Simeon, maybe spy on him while he’s out in town?

- We would probably get caught and ask by a very scary Simeon, to stop whatever we are doing

- Yeah let’s take the wise decision of staying away from him from now on

Solomon

- He would need to understand that it’s not because we’re all humans that we NEED to hang out together

- I would have to keep you away from him, or at least not let you hang out alone with him. I don’t think he’s evil, but he might use you as human experiment for his potions and spells and I don’t want you to accidentally be turned into a pig or something

- I’ll accept the occasional vines references wars and the team up to tell Diavolo even more made up things about the human world, but that’s all

- I would probably compare him to Harry Potter all the time

- Let’s just stay far away from the shady sorcerer

Luke

- I have no motherly instincts, but I would protect this child from all of the brothers teasing, but that’s about it. I really don’t care about this child, SIMEON COME PICK UP YOUR SON, HE POOPED HIMSELF AGAIN “Stephanie that’s not true!!” Luke would bark back as he tries to hide the streak of poop on the back of his white pants (sorry I don’t know why this came to mind, but I have this headcanon that sometimes when he’s afraid, Luke will poop his pants and this boy is VERY scared of Lucifer, so it happens quite often)

- You would probably be way more motherly towards him than me and you and Beel would basically adopt Luke as your own child

- Just always carry baby wipes and a clean pair of pants with you at all times and you’re all good

- I hope you like baking sweets, because your son will surely want to spend some bonding time with his mom over baking time, and of course you have to enjoy the sweets you both made over a nice cup of tea that Barbatos made for you two

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

I saw your post about starting to post stories here. How do you make friends here? I try so much but it's just so hard to me🥺

Hi, love!

I totally understand that! It’s intimidating to reach out and try to make friends for me too and can feel exhausting. I’ve been there. <3

It’s so great that you’re already trying! You will make friends, I’m sure of it, but this can take a bit of time sometimes. So don’t worry too much about it!

For me, it happened naturally. I either reached out to them because I found their blogs interesting or they seemed like a person I wanted to get to know better, or they reached out to me. So I don’t have a full on ... plan on how to make friends (I wish lol) but here’s how most of my tumblr friendships happened:

1) Send them a message or an ask I know, it’s the most obvious one but it works. I had someone reach out to me saying “hey, let’s be friends” and that got us talking. Or simple messages about something they saw on my blog or even “hey, do you want to chat?” or “Can I vent about (x) to you?”. It always worked with me.

2) Comment on / message them about their work Seriously, most of my friendships here started like this. I commented a lot under their work or they commented under mine and that’s how we started talking. I checked their blogs out when I received comments or they send me regular asks and ... boom, friends.

3) Comment on / message them about their personal posts Basically what I said about commenting on creator’s works applies here too. I remember one of my friends has this really weird/funny post pinned on her blog and I commented on that and that was basically the starting point for us becoming mutuals.

4) Ask them for help I met a few of my mutuals like this! Questions like “Hey, I have a fic idea, can I run it by you” or “I want to write about (x) but I don’t know if this makes sense” are usually a great starter.

5) Tag them in tag games Even if they have never tagged you before, so far I haven’t heard of anyone who got annoyed by that. If people tag me in those games my instant reaction is “aw how sweet that they thought of me”. If you don’t get tagged in these games so far, don’t be scared to just do one anyways and tag a few people.

6) Join Group Chats / Discord Servers Okay, I get that this is scary for a lot of people. I was terrifyied when I first joined a HP server even though it was started by a mutual of mine. But - best decision ever! I have not regretted it once!

7) Stay authentic This is really important to me because I do get messages some times that at first seem really friendly but then they only start to promote their own fics. Which is normally totally fine! It’s written on my navigation post that everyone can feel free to send me their work for me to check it out. However, if you at first pretend to be interested in talking to me and then proceed to only talk to me unless you post a new fic, it leaves ... a bitter taste behind. Like, don’t pretend in the first place. Just go “here, I have a new fic, do you want to check it out?”, I’m 100% fine with that! So, what I mean to say is: stay authentic and talk to people because you actually want to talk to them. However, I believe in your case that won’t be a problem.

8) Be consistent Talk to other people on a regular basis. Comments, messages, tag games, whatever you choose to do: do it regularly. One of the people I consider a really close friend by now became my friends by sending me gifs of an actor to which I replied with “hey, we should make this a daily thing”. And so, for weeks, we just sent eachother gifs of actors and boom, we’re friends now.

9) Don’t be disappointed when there’s no “connection” / Don’t force anything Just like in real life, you can’t force friendships. Sometimes, it just doesn’t click with certain people and that’s okay. I have reached out to quite a few creators and then we talked for a bit and then I realized ... this doesn’t work. The conversations are hard to maintain, it feels forced, or I simply don’t “vibe” with them. That’s completely normal. Now, I still follow them but leave it at the occasional comment or reblog. Don’t be disappointed when that happens.

I hope this helped you a little! I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a simple answer. However, I made the amazing experience on tumblr that most people are generally very nice and welcoming! <3

If you have any more questions, feel free to send me another ask! If you just want to chat some time, just message me! <3

***

Masterpost: You want to start posting stories on tumblr?

[sheerfreesia007]

Down

Title: Down

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Reader

Author: @sheerfreesia007​​

Words: 2,979

Warnings: Fluff, Insecurity, Mutual Pining, Idiots being idiots

Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711​, @fioccodineveautunnale​

Author Notes: I feel like this a little bit all over the place. I was inspired by the song “Down” by 5th Harmony. And I wanted the reader to show Marcus how much she sees him as a good partner. I don’t know if I’ve done this but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Feedback is much apprecaited!

Gif Credit: @pascalitopike​

         It was another late night in the office. You were sitting in one of the conference rooms with files and papers strewn about around you as you worked. Steady footsteps sounded from behind you and you didn’t bother turning around as you heard the soft sigh.

         “You alright Pike?” you asked as you poured over another page of information. The agent that had joined your department in D.C. about two months ago had quickly shown that he was leadership material and had risen up in the department. You hadn’t even been upset when he had slid into the leadership role for your department that you were aiming for; he was that much a leading force that you couldn’t argue with the promotion.

         But something did surprise you about the agent. As much as he was a driving force as a leader he still had insecurities. Rather large ones about his ability in the romance department. Which you found confusing as since you found the man to be as handsome as someone could be. His dark chestnut hair fell over his face looked soft and made you want to run your fingers through it. His warm chocolate eyes were so expressive if you actually looked at him, they mostly held kindness and happiness but sometimes you’d seen them hold anger and determination. They had also held sadness and uncertainty in them, and it was those emotions that you picked up on that made you want to rub a hand across his back and lean in whispering to him that everything would be alright.

         Marcus Pike had slowly but surely wormed his way into your life and taken up residence in not only your daily life but your mind and heart. But while you had started to grow feelings for him you knew that he didn’t reciprocate them towards you and you had slowly become accepting of that fact. It hurt, fuck did it hurt but you were more than happy to have him as a close friend and confidante. That was the best thing about Marcus he gave his all in any situation whether it be at work or in out of work. He was a man who gave in 100% effort in everything he did and that was commendable.

         “Yeah I’m alright.” He said dejectedly and you looked over at him as he came to sit next to you in one of the chairs. You watched him silently for a minute as he linked his hands together and rested them over his stomach as he leaned back in the chair. Something was bothering him, and you knew after working with him for months now that his mind would be elsewhere while you tried to work. “How’s the case coming along?” he asked softly as he nodded at the table.

         “It’s coming. I’m slowly working through the paperwork the local P.D. gave us. It’s just a lot to get through. Some reports they had pertain to our case others not so much. It’s just having to read through all of them to figure out if they’re pertinent.” You explained with a wave of your hand at all of your scattered papers.

         “I can help.” He said easily as he leaned forward and reached for a stack of papers. You quickly slapped his hand away and he looked over at you surprised.

         “Nah-uh. First of all that’s the not relevant pile I’ve got going.” You explained pointing your finger at the pile he tried going for.

         “How is any of this in order?” he asked in awe as he took in the random piles around your seat. You frowned over at him and huffed out an irritated breath.

         “Seriously Pike? We’ve been working together for almost three months. I would hope by now that you know the method to my madness.” You griped at him with a scowl and furrowed eyebrows. You didn’t want to admit it but it did hurt that he didn’t seem to understand the way you worked after all this time.

         “You’re right I’m sorry. I do know how you work I’m just distracted.” He admitted softly with a sigh.

         “Which brings me to point number two. You’re not helping me until we work out whatever it is that’s bothering you. You wouldn’t be helping me anyway if you’re distracted with whatever issue is going on with you.” You said sincerely as you looked over at him kindly. Marcus turned his eyes away from you with a guilty look. “Wanna talk about it?” you asked softly as you turned your chair to face him. Marcus didn’t look at you and didn’t say anything to you making you sigh softly. “Look if you don’t wanna talk about it tonight that’s fine but go home. You’re no good to me distracted. And I gotta get through at least a quarter of these before tomorrow.” You said honestly as you looked back at the table of papers.

         “Do you think I’m attractive?” Marcus asked suddenly and the sudden change of topic made your head whip to stare at him flabbergasted. You felt your pulse rise and your heart started to race in your chest.

         “Excuse me?” you asked confused. Did he know? Fuck he knew didn’t he? How did he find out? Fuck this was horrible. You were going to have to transfer weren’t you? Your mind was racing with worst case scenarios and you could feel your breath catch in your throat.

         “Do you find me attractive?” he asked again and you noticed that he wasn’t looking at you but down at his hands which were back in his lap. “I mean would I make a good boyfriend?” he asked suddenly sound so insecure that your heart shattered in your chest. Who hurt him like this? You knew he was divorced and had dated some women that didn’t work out but lately you hadn’t heard if he was dating again. “I just-I mean I went on a date last night.” He explained.

         You darted your eyes over to him and felt your body sag in disappointment. Your heart that had slowly been piecing itself back together was crumbling again in your chest at his words. What you wouldn’t give to take this man on a date.

         “And I thought it was going great you know? I took her to nice restaurant; we talked for hours during dinner. We shared some interests. And I didn’t think I was too eager during the date but at the end of it she told me-“ he explained softly before cutting himself off.

         You reached a hand over and placed it on his bicep softly. You watched as his head turned to look at your hand and then over towards you. Smiling kindly at him you nodded your head in gesture for him to continue.

         “She said that it wasn’t going to work out. That I wasn’t what she was looking for.” He finished so quietly that you barely heard him. He dropped his head forward in defeat and you let him a moment to feel sorry for himself and then you tightened your hand on his bicep.

         “Fuck her.” You said lowly but in a firm tone. Marcus’ head jerked up and looked at you with wide eyes filled with shock. “I’m serious. Fuck her.” You reiterated firmly nodding your head. Marcus moved like he was going to start defending her but you lifted your hand from his bicep in front of him in a stop motion. “If you start defending her I’m going to punch you.” You warned and Marcus stopped instantly staring at you with wide eyes but he shut his mouth silently.

         Standing from your chair you began to pace the floor in anxious agitation in your bare feet. It had been hours ago when you had taken your heels off and the feel of the carpet under your toes seemed to ground you enough to begin talking again. Marcus just sat there staring at you with wide eyes as he tracked your pacing.

         “Seriously Pike? Do you really feel like you’re not attractive or wouldn’t be a good boyfriend all because some woman said it wouldn’t work out after one date?” you began your one sided tirade as you continued to pace. You swung back to face him and threw a shrewd look at him. “If you need constant validation that you’re a good man and would make a wonderful partner then you’re not the man I’ve been working with.” You said harshly and continued your pacing again without looking over at him. “Look dating sucks. There’s so much pressure to make a good impression on the other person to get that second date that it’s no wonder that people give up on dating after a few fails. Take it from me I know. But seriously? Nothing worth having comes easy.” You said empathically as you paced away from him.

         “Did you just quote one of those inspirational quotes to me?” Marcus asked softly in disbelief from behind you. You whirled around and glared at him as you began stalking over to him.

         “It fits this issue doesn’t it?” you asked almost coldly. Why were you feeling so angry about this? Why were you so determined to make him believe he was worth the effort?

         “I guess it does. But it still doesn’t ease any of my worry that I would make a good partner to someone.” Marcus says almost dismissively with a wave of his hand.

         “Well fuck you too Pike.” You snapped at him and crossed your arms over your chest. Your eyes widened slightly but then narrowed on him as he jerked his head back to you. “What do you call us then? We’re partners aren’t we?”

         “Yeah but that’s different. We’re partners at work.” He tried to reason and you glared at him until he stopped talking.

         “So you being a good partner at work doesn’t matter?” you asked lowly and watched as Marcus watched you discerningly. “You’re not only a good man you’re a great partner. You have the brains to figure out most of the crimes that we come across. You not only know how to firm and commanding of our team but you also know how to kind and emphatic towards the victims that we deal with.” You begin listing off to him to try and show him that he was worth it. “You would make an excellent boyfriend Pike. You’re willing to be there for your partner no matter what, you’ve shown that not only to me but also to the rest of our team. You put people before yourself almost to a fault.”

         You begin pacing again feeling like you’re on a roll explaining to him that he is a good partner and how much a catch he is.

         “And yeah you’re attractive. You’ve got this whole suave without trying thing going for you. And while I give you shit for that patchy scruff on your face you call a beard it fits your face and makes you look ruggedly handsome.” You say as you wave your hands in the air around you while you continue to pace. You don’t notice Marcus sitting up straighter in his seat as he turns his head to you. “You got nice looking hair that looks like all you did was roll out of bed and run a hand through it. It’s so soft looking too. Do you know how many women would kill to have effortless hair like you? Millions.” You don’t realize you’re starting to ramble now and Marcus is watching you with a contemplative look on his face. “Your eyes are a pretty chocolate color that have hints of gold in them that just make them shine. And your nose while I think it’s your least favorite feature. If I remember correctly you once told me you thought it was too big. It’s prominent yeah but it fits you, it’s a strong nose that you shouldn’t be ashamed of.” You continue on.

         Marcus is watching you now and he’s starting to feel a little hot under the collar at all of your compliments. That conversation had only been in passing as you and your team had all sat around this conference table just shooting the shit. Talking about things you would’ve changed about yourself if you could. Marcus remembers that he had mentioned he’d change his nose because it was an insecurity, and if he remembers you hadn’t partaken in that conversation easily dodging the question. But you had remembered that conversation from a month ago.

         Looking back over at you Marcus tuned back into your rambling as he watched to speak passionately about him feeling insecure, when you obviously thought he shouldn’t.

         “You’ve got so much to bring to a relationship and maybe one day you will find someone who actually sees that for themselves. And it’s a pity that you don’t see that either. Because I see it.” You conclude with a soft sigh. Marcus watches as you stand next to your chair resting a hand on the table and drop your head between your shoulders. You see it. Marcus tilts his head as he watches you take in a breath and shake your head slightly before you sit back into your chair. “Go home Pike I’ll finish up here and make sure the lights are turned off.” You say wearily without looking over at him. You see it. Marcus furrows his eyebrows slightly.

         He’s thinking back on all the memories he has with you. The way you would grow quiet when he would talk about his dates that he would infrequently go on. Or the way you would watch his six whenever you went into the field together. The way you always pick up coffee for him if you knew he had been working late the night before. Marcus darts his eyes over to you and sees you pouring over another sheet of paper in your hands not paying any mind to him. Your hair is pulled back away from your face and your eyes are darting around the page as your mouth purses into an adorable pout.

         He wonders if you’ve seen the way he takes care of you as well. The way he’s always checked in on you during the work day. The way he’ll always make sure you’ve eaten and that you don’t stay too late at the office. He wonders if you’ve seen the way his hand would find the small of your back when you’re out in the field together working together. Or the way he likes keeping you close just so he knows you’re safe. He wonders if you’ve seen the way his heart beats harder when he’s alone with you. Or the way he had to pull his hands back when he wants to touch you. He wonders if you’ve seen the way he’s fallen hard for you and dates other women to try to distract him from you. And he wonders if you’ve seen the way he doesn’t talk about those dates because he’s seen that it upsets you.

         “How long have you seen it?” he asks suddenly and you’re jolting in surprise. He grins softly wondering if you had completely forgotten he was there.

         “What?” you ask confused as you squint your eyes at him in that way he knows means you’re trying to figure out his angle.

         “How long have you seen that I would make a good partner?” he asks softly and watches as your eyes dart over to him and wave your hand dismissively.

         “Since I’ve met you.” You said nonchalantly shrugging your shoulders.

         “And you didn’t think to mention anything whenever I’ve brought up my other dates?” he asked softly.

         “Marcus, what was I supposed to say? That I think all the women you’ve dated are idiots and weren’t good for you? I’m pretty sure I have said that before.” You gripped at him with a tired huff. “If they can’t see that you’re a good looking compassionate man then their loss. You need to find someone who can see that and more about you.”

         “Like you?” he asks almost breathlessly. Your face darts up to him and he sees the hurt in your face, but he doesn’t understand why you’re feeling hurt.

         “Don’t patronize me.” You say lowly and Marcus shakes his head.

         “I’m not, you said you see it. And obviously you have seen it for some time. Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks persistently now.

         “Yeah that would’ve been a great conversation Marcus. Let me just tell my coworker I’m in love with him and that’s he’s too blind and stupid to notice it.” You say sarcastically. It’s quiet for a span of time when you whisper out. “Fuck.”

         Marcus’ eyes are dancing delightedly across your frame as you slump forward resting your head on the table with a thud. He chuckles softly and shakes his head at your antics.

         “Well if I’m blind and stupid so are you.” He quips back to you and grins as you turn your head to look at him with a scowl.

         “What are you talking about?” you grouse at him with that scowl and furrowed eyebrow look you give him when he’s annoying you.

         “I didn’t notice that you were in love me but you also didn’t notice that I fallen in love with you either sweetheart.” He bantered to you with a grin. Your eyes widen and your lips part with a soft pant.

         “For real life?” you ask breathlessly as you lift your head for the table and Marcus chuckles softly at you as he moves closer to you.

         “For real life.” He says lowly as his hands cup your face and bring you closer as he presses his lips to yours.

[nanasarea]

V

𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘵: In a world where soulmates can visit each other in their dreams and can only remember the dreams once they found each other, what happens when you’re disappointed at the man of your dreams?

𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: angst and fluff 

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: reader x jaemin

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 1.5k

𝘢/𝘯: what is meant to be is meant to be, guys 🤷‍♀️

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵  𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵  𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

Tag list: @keiboo​ @minavenue

I  II  III  IV  V  VI

“I really like your earrings by the way.” Jeno commented, leaning in to see them better, but I just brushed my hair in front of my ear and said thanks, but I’m insecure about my ears in hopes of hiding the mark from him.

“Oh, where was I, um, yeah my friends wanted some group costumes, but in the end, Jisung decided to go as Sponge-bob with his cousin as Patrick, Haechan decided to be someone from his favourite video game and Renjun is currently choosing between like 45 costumes, so in short, we were gonna go as a group costume, I even bought the costume, but I guess I’ll just wear that next time.” I laughed, regretting the amount of money I spent on it, but also not caring too much, as I did really like it and was 100% going to wear it casually at home.

“So, I have no idea what I’m going as. And you?” I asked, taking a sip from my coffee and waiting for him to respond.

“I don’t know for sure yet, possibly Ash? My friends’ thought of going as Brock and Misty so I might be Ash, but I was also thinking of going as Luke Skywalker.” He answered. “But I’ll let you in on a secret, I’m kinda leaning towards being Ash.” He leaned in and whispered, winking at the end of his sentence and taking a long sip from his coffee before leaning back onto the seat.

“And you just let me know that?” I asked, dramatically gasping, to which he just winked again, causing my face to heat up.

Was I just kidding myself by indirectly flirting with Jeno, the guy I wished was my soulmate, when I in fact knew who my soulmate was? Maybe, but in my defence, I was still in denial, besides, some harmless flirting won’t hurt anyone, right? And before you say anything, no, it won’t hurt me, I know when not to catch feelings.

“I think a Pokemon costume would fit you well, possibly because I think they’re cute and you’re  cute, y’know?” He asked, smiling at me as I hid my smile behind my cup.

Okay, maybe I don’t know when not to catch feelings.

Once my so-called date with Jeno ended, I headed back to the dorms to get my things before heading to class. At the dorm, I was greeted by Renjun searching for something. “What you looking for?” I asked, hoping to help.

“My will to live.” he replied, turning around, smiling and adding “Nevermind, found it”, which made me put a hand on my chest in awe while mouthing “me?”. He nodded and continued searching.

“No, seriously, what are you looking for?” I asked, collecting my stuff and stuffing them into my bag, when suddenly I heard a scream.

“Who’s getting murdered?” Haechan asked, rushing into the room with worry. “My ears.” I said, holding my hands over them lightly. “My heart.” Renjun explained, turning around and showing us what he was looking for.

“Look! I found my 50 shades of grey costume that I made last halloween!” He yelled in excitement, causing both me and Haechan to let out a sigh of relief, followed by a laugh. “Don’t scare me like that!” Haechan yelled, throwing a pillow at Renjun.

“Anyway, ready to head to the lecture hall?” Haechan asked. Renjun and I both nodded as he put the costume on his bed and quickly took his bag before wrapping one hand on each of mine and Haechan’s shoulders and guiding us out of the room.

“Oh, how did your “date” with Jeno go?” Haechan asked, pulling air quotes around date, making me playfully hit his shoulder and unwillingly smile.

“Nice, we talked about the party and what we’re going as. He’s going as Ash and he kinda hinted that he wants me to be Pikachu, but I could just be reading way too much into it, y’know?” I explained as we walked to the halls. “and he wore this really nice outfit. He had beige pants and a white dress shirt-“ “Already cute” “-right? And he also had black suspenders and a beige jacket.” I explained, basically fawning over him.

“Too bad he isn’t your soulmate.” Haechan said, making me shut up and look at the pavement. “Did you have to remind them?” Renjun asked, playfully hitting Haechan’s shoulder. “Sorry.” he quickly apologised.

“It’s fine, I know I shouldn’t be getting involved with him, but he’s just so-“ “Jeno?” Renjun asked, cutting me off. I nodded, sighing and pouting.

“He does seem perfect for you.” Renjun commented “I wish he was.” I pouted. “Hey now, as long as you both know it’s a meaningless relationship and not to get too involved, there’s no reason you can’t have a little fun!” He pointed out, making me chuckle. I wish it was that easy.

“Why can’t you just reassign your soulmate?”

Back at the dorms, Jaemin however was lying on the ground, his headphones blasting his shuffled playlist and staring at the ceiling and asking himself the same question, why can’t you just reassign your soulmate.

“Are you still hung up on what yn said?” Chenle asked, getting tired of seeing Jaemin dramatically lip-syncing, or lip-screaming in his case, all of the songs.

“Of course I am.” Jaemin sighed, stopping the music and sitting up. “Lemme guess, you want everyone to disappear?” Chenle asked. “No, you and Mark can stay….my dog can visit on the weekends, but that’s it.” Jaemin answered.  “What’s wrong with me?” He added, looking at his friend and pouting.

“You want me to get the list? nice.” Chenle said, nodding proudly at his joke. “Did you just “Nice” your own joke?” Jaemin asked, chuckling. “You would too, if you could do jokes. Nice.” And to that, Jaemin just rolled his eyes and stood up.

“If you were anyone else, I would have slapped you for that. You’re lucky I love you.” Jaemin scuffed, taking a sip from his water bottle and leaning against his desk.

“I know.” “You’re suppose to say it back, idiot.” “It back, idiot.” Chenle smiled proudly and waited for Jaemin’s response, which was just another eye-roll.

“Morning, fellow idiots.” Jisung announced before sitting next to Haechan and across from me. “You do realise you just called yourself an idiot, right?” Haechan asked, chuckling. “He’s very aware at his stupidity.” I reminded.

Once we all finished with our classes, we decided to meet up with Jisung at a cafe to catch up, as we haven’t seen each other properly since school started.

“What happened to you all when I was gone? Tell me the tea, the report, spare no detail.” Jisung said and dug into the cheesecake we ordered for him while waiting for his bus to get here.

“Well, I decided I’m going as 50 shades of grey to the party I was telling you about, Haechan tried frying eggs in a microwave and broke it-“ “I’m offended you’d ever even think it was me who did that.” “So it wasn’t you?” Renjun looked at Haechan in surprise. “No, it was me, but I’m still offended.” Haechan commented and drank her hot chocolate.

“And Yn met their soulmate, hates him and is in denial, so they’re using a guy they met as a way to distract themselves from their true destiny.” Renjun added before taking a bite out of his cookie. “They what now?” Jisung asked, excitedly, but almost choking on his cheesecake.

“Can we not talk about that?” I asked, avoiding eye contact and eating my carrot cake. “No, we’re talking about this! This is major!” He explained, wide eyed. He leaned closer to me and added “Tell me everything.” And so I did.

“I don’t know, maybe my brain thinks that if I spend so much time with Jeno, then I’ll eventually get tired of him or see some flaws and it’ll make me more open to Jaemin-“ “Bullshit, but proceed.” “-or maybe I’m simply just fooling myself, but I don’t care, I like Jeno and he likes me, so sue me for wanting to be with someone who actually has some manners.” I looked at Renjun, knowing that his pointing out my bullshit was correct.

“I don’t know, maybe you pushing Jaemin away will only make the part where you finally break and make out so much more enjoyable.” Jisung said, causing us all to look at him with confused looks on our faces. “What? I’m a glass half full person.” He defended and took another bite of his cheesecake.

“I think you’re full of shit” Renjun said “They shouldn’t be pushing their soulmate away in the first place.” he added. “That is true, but can you blame them? Isn’t the whole mutual pinning and sexual tension just going to make things more exciting?” Jisung asked, making me roll my eyes.

“Sung, there is no sexual tension between us, there is no mutual pinning, there is just annoyance.” I said “Not yet.” He commented, winking, making me lightly hit his arm. You’re standing on thin ice.” I warned. “No, I’m sitting and my legs are on the floor” He joked, taking a sip from his tea. “It’s an expression” I laughed “It’s a carpet” he mocked.

[cescalr]

9 and 23 for the ask game please 😊

9: Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

Ooh, um... I'm not sure! Something substantial for Cursed 2005, maybe, like a crossover with buffy or teen wolf or something, with jimbo as the pairing from cursed and idk just something interesting (please no b*angel or st*rek or st*dia), or a time travel fic for Supernatural that involves Dean as the POV but absolutely zero, nada, nothing of (even hints) De*tiel or winc*st, that's 100% a fix-it fic (bc my mans deserved a lot better than that ending smh. And so did Jo, and Anna, and Lisa and Ben and Charlie and Benny and- ).

23: What's one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

Hmm... Just go for it? Like, write whatever comes to mind and post it. And keep doing that. Over and over again, because it's all the same thing - practise. If you can't think of an idea, there's no reason not to go trawling for prompts. I've got this list of 200 prompts, can't remember where I found it, but it's really useful if I'm stuck. But yeah. Find some time, any amount of time, whether its 5 minutes or five hours, and write what you can, as much as you can, whether it's ten words or 10,000, or more or less, it doesn't matter. Just get words on screen (or on paper, if you prefer.) And then... post it. If the main issue is getting the courage to post it, don't read back over it. That's when the nervousness rears it's ugly head. Just post it. Straight up. Type right into the Ao3 doc and hit post if you have to, just... find a way to minimise the amount of time you give yourself to get all worked up about whether it's 'good enough' or not. It won't be perfect the first time you write something - nothing ever is. Everything requires practise. And each time you post something, you get better at it. It gets easier. If proofreading is the bane of your existence, just post it and come back later to fix any issues. If titling it is a problem pick a random word or a song lyric or hell, a sentence from the fic, anything at all. 'Working Title | Stiles POV All Human AU Stira Fic', even. Just. Anything. You can always change it later. Summaries an issue? Grab the first paragraph. Grab the first sentence. Put 'Stiles POV all human au, stira focus.' as the summary. Who cares? You. Can. Always. Change. It. Later.

That's the great thing about fic. Changing everything later is possible. Nothing here is permanent. If you aren't happy with something, that doesn't matter. So long as it's out there, you can get feedback (because often, we don't know why we aren't happy with something - outside help is always invaluable). Being scared of criticism is half the problem, for a lot of people... but - not to sugar coat - it's necessary. And, just to note, in my 10 years of fanfic writing, I have never, ever, gotten a single malicious comment. Not. Once. It's much rarer than people think it is. And even if you do, you can always delete it. Put comments on moderation, turn them off, if it's the main issue. Gather your confidence at your own pace - but don't forget feedback is necessary for improvement. Eventually you will need to accept it's going to happen - it's not an attack on you. It's an attempt at help. We're taught in school to consume media critically, and those who internalise that will comment constructively. English class can leave an impression - the worst thing is to take any of it personally. Having a negative mindset (they hate it) versus a positive mindset (they want me to improve at this thing I enjoy doing, they're trying to help, they're being supportive) can make all the difference.

Eventually, you'll need to turn those comments back on. But you don't need to take anyone's shit, hence why moderation is a thing. There is a difference between constructive criticism and hate - but it's rare you'll get the latter. Tone is hard to convey in text form; benefit of the doubt is the best way forward.

Make sure you've got friends/mutuals you can ramble with about your fics. it's genuinely the most helpful thing. Give them snippets, do the whole cheerleader routine for each other. It's great. Brainstorm with each other. Not necessarily doing collaborative fic (though you might find that's what works best for you!) but just, geeking out with each other. It makes a huge boost for your ego, and that's useful for your confidence when it comes to posting things. But also, if you trust them, it makes taking their advice easier.

Sometimes, it might feel like two steps forward and one step back. That's great! It's still a step forward. Go at your own pace. The worst thing you can do is rush yourself and burn out. If it takes you a year to update, it takes you a year. I assure you, the readers will still be there, and they'll be happy to see the update. Nobody's going to hate you for taking your time. Prioritise your health. I promise it makes your work better if you're in a good place, and you don't have too much on your plate.

Though, having said that, if you find you work best with about twenty wips all at once updated every week, then go for it! Like I said; your own pace. If a schedule helps you, have one. If it doesn't, don't. I don't have a schedule. I have about 40 wips posted, and a few that aren't yet. It can take me a year to update, or I'll do four in a week. People are pleased either way - what matters is that you wrote something, and it exists, and other people can read it. Isn't that awesome? You've made something. You've made a mark. Someone's happy because of you, because you wrote something they like. Who cares if there's twenty typos and you use the wrong you're* (*or equivalent in your language, ofc) - you can fix that later. And it didn't stop that person's enjoyment of the first fic you ever posted, which might not be as good as your future fics, but it's still special. It's still yours.

Prioritise the thing you want to prioritise. Plot, relationships (of any nature), whatever. Prioritise that. The rest will fall into place. Personally, I prioritise characterisation. interpersonal dynamics follow, part and parcel of character exploration, then plot, as an extension. Do what suits you. And people don't tend to mind very much about any of these. If characterisation matters to you not one whit, just put OOC in the tags and be done with it. Plot doesn't matter? Perfectly fine! You don't want to write ships? Nobody's forcing you. Do what you want. It's just fanfiction. That's kind of the point. There's no need to feel pressure to write a certain thing. I'm in a lot of fandoms with a lot of very large ships. I'd get a lot more readers if I wrote st*rek, or d*stiel, or whatever, but I don't, because I wouldn't enjoy it. Write what you want to see. What you want to read. That's the best advice I can give. If you cry at your own fic, perfect. If you laugh at your own fic, brilliant. If your own fic leaves you all giddy like, grinning wide, amazing. It's gonna give someone else that reaction, too.

Hits, kudos, comments - they're not everything. Ao3, for harry potter, has 5000 pages of fic, with some of the tags I don't like excluded. It's not a case of people not liking your fic - it's a case of people not finding it. Don't worry. Recognition will come with time. Also, the ratio for fics is kind of awful, anyway. Comments and kudos vs hits is always poor; 2%, 5%, 7%. Don't worry too much about it. If people read it, it's likely they liked it. A lot of people are just lazy, and don't press the kudos button. A lot of people are incredibly nervous, or don't know what to say, so they don't comment. Another thing; some of your fics are going to be more popular than others. This is normal. Fandom size, fandom activity, content of fic, tags - prevalence of fic type, etc etc. One of my fics has around 15k notes. the rest are all below 6k. the runner up is a whole 10k below that fic. This is to be expected, and it's nothing to tear your hair out about. Write, first and foremost, for yourself. The rest, as always, comes later.

Really, tldr; you can always fix it later. the rest comes later. recognition comes later. the best thing to do - the first thing to do, the only thing to do - is just start. Post something. Anything. And go from there however you wish.

In 2016 i had zero subscribers on Ao3. I've got 72 now. These things just take time. In 2016 i'd written 30k words. I've written 1.2 million now. These things just take time. Through fandom, mostly fanfiction, I've gained people I'd consider friends. I think it's a really cool endeavour, and I think - for your confidence, peace of mind, and social sphere - it's also a really positive one.

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Congratulations on 1.2k!! You deserve every single follower and more 💛 however, I see your request but I’ll up you one- let’s see if you can figure out who I am 😈

May I request a male JJK and Haikyuu matchup

Strengths: Adaptable, Resourceful, Quick Witted

Weaknesses: Stubborn, impulsive, tad bit scatterbrained

My usual day: I either sleep 10 hours or 3, there’s no inbetween. I usually work out, have my coffee and some breakfast (and then probably forget to eat again until 10pm) and then proceed to procrastinate on my schoolwork until the last minute by scrolling through social media, singing and dancing along to my music while I clean (seeing a mess stresses me out unless it’s my organized mess) catching up on my anime/tv shows, or focusing on one of my hobbies (drawing, reading, writing, playing the piano). I work from home so tbh if I don’t have a job or school that day, my plans usually revolve around my mood. The only set schedule in my life is the fact that I somehow manage to end up at target 2x a week. Pre-pandemic though, every Friday and Saturday I’d usually end up going out with to a bar/restaurant/club/movies to catch up with a friend(s) but I hate driving and I “drive too fast”according to everyone so I just go with the flow when it comes to the place and time I leave/get home 🦑

What I want from a relationship: reliability (just someone you can depend on yk?), freedom (as in-we can both do our own thing without feeling like we’re holding the other back), playfulness? Ig? (Where it’s effortless and we don’t take life too seriously, we can joke about things as they come, type of thing)

What qualities I look for: loyal, caring (they don’t have to outwardly express it), thick skinned

Extra information: I mayhaps tend to not hold back if I don’t agree on something and i will not hesitate to put someone in their place no matter who they are (unless they’re family because trauma lol) but I’m also the type of person who has and will bring animals home (because they were strays, or they were ‘practically giving them away’) and I will seriously 🥺 my way into getting whatever I want, so I usually tend to gravitate towards guys who have the ability to be assholes, but not to me, unless they need to keep me in check (idk if this helps)

Who I don’t want to be paired with: don’t worry I’m not picky 😌

Again- congrats on 1.2k!! You deserve it!! I’m proud of you!! -🦈

𝙸 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑....

✨ 𝙵𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚘 𝙼𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚖𝚒✨

Okay okay, you might be thinking - HUUUH? But I have some real good reasons for picking this cutie!

First, since you’re scatterbrained sometimes, you need someone who will help keep you organized and on task! And Megumi has all the experience with that - look at who he’s surrounded by!

Second, your lifestyles strangely enough match. Due to the nature of his job, the amount of sleep he gets varies too. So it won’t just be you with the very bad sleeping schedule <3 yippie! Taking mid-day naps when you’re both super exhausted is 100% a thing. You never plan it, but you’ll get so comfortable snuggled against him – and BAM, it’s been three hours. Congrats, now you have a sleep hangover!

Your relationship with Megumi is one that is built on mutual trust. You both have your own lives and aspirations, which is fine! You are both supportive and understand that to be together doesn’t mean to be literally together 24/7.

OH, and at first let it be known that Megumi could not deal with your playful attitude. He was actually just confused, but he made it seem like he seriously could not stand you – oops. But then the more time he spent with you, the more you saw him loosening up. You started from a half smile and made your way up to a real laugh!!! CONGRATS G, you really unpeeled the onion <3

Overall, your relationship with him is one that no one will understand except you two (and me LMAO). No one gets your connection, but that’s because what you have with him is rare af!

You both are similar and yet so different. You both are adaptable, which is why you guys can deal with whatever obstacles come in your direction. But you’re the type to sing and dance while cleaning, and he’s the type to watch you with sparkles shimmering in his eyes.

MY POINT IS you both have every quality the other lacks or needs, and that’s what makes it work!

𝙸 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑....

✨ 𝙾𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 𝚃𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚞 ✨

A relationship between you and Oikawa would be one for the books! 100%. I would LOVE to see it.

You both are stubborn, resourceful, quick witted and a bit scatterbrained. You both value your freedom and have similar interests. One may say you two are too similar, and I would agree in some respects. BUT I think since you are adaptable, you could make the relationship work.

Your relationship would be unexpected, to say the least. Neither of you were searching for a partner, and yet the fairies of fate had brought you two together!

Oikawa’s presence in your life would never be overbearing, since he respects your freedom. When he’s not playing volleyball, he’ll happily settle down beside you as you work from home! He just enjoys being able to catch glimpses of your face as you focus on your tasks! Oh, and when your attention shifts to cleaning?

He will be by your side, dancing along with you and probably singing into a spatula! He’ll always end up accidentally wooing you, because he’s a smooth little shit. But that means getting things done with him around is quite difficult!  

Your friends would absolutely love him too! When they first meet him they’ll probably be like.. oh pretty face, must be dumb af. BUT shocker shocker! Oikawa Tooru is not a big ol’ dummy and he’s quite smart. I mean he better be, to keep up with you!

Whenever you guys choose to go out drinking, he’ll usually be the one to stay sober, since he will nOT have you drive him. NOPE. He refuses. If he can’t handle it when he’s sober, he sure as hell will not handle it drunk!

Overall, your relationship would be one that is fun, and filled with banter. The two of you will be the one couple everyone finds hella amusing. But that means communication will not be a strong suit.

You guys will have some issues with communication, but thankfully that can be fixed! Since you’re not someone to hold back. He’ll need that from you, because sometimes he gets lost in his emotions!

And at the end of the day, it’s worth it ya know? Because he cares so much about you, and you two just kinda work! Who else would accept all the random animals that you bring home, anyway? 😉

A/N: I honestly can’t guess BC I SUCK ;-; your uno reverse card got mee!! 

[edenfalling]

[Fic] “Between the Saltwater and the Sea-Strand” - Naruto

Summary: Yukiko and Kakashi run an undercover mission in the coastal port of Asase during monsoon season. Rain can make anyone philosophical. Part of the Apartment Manager AU, set after The Guardian in Spite of Herself and before An Unorthodox Pedagogical Approach. (3,515 words) Note: Written for warriordrgnmage, in response to the prompt: Naruto: Hatake Kakashi/Ayakawa Yukiko set in the Way of the Apartment Manager Series Timeline. For the Bingo card: Monsoon. It is also a fill for the genprompt_bingo square monsoon. For obvious reasons, Yukiko and Kakashi are using fake names while undercover. Yukiko is Aoi, and Kakashi is Hyoujin. Also, you may notice that this is gen! See, while I am perfectly cool with people shipping Yukiko with Kakashi, that is 100% never going to become Apartment Manager canon, for many, many reasons. If anyone wants a shippy AU, you are welcome to write it yourself, because I flat-out CANNOT. Seriously, even if I tried, you wouldn't want the results. They would be awful. Trust me on that. --------------------------------------------- Between the Saltwater and the Sea-Strand --------------------------------------------- Kuwa Natsume looked up as Yukiko slung herself in through the office window in a spray of rain, raised one eyebrow, and then looked back down to her account books. "Misplaced your shadow?" "Does anyone have a shadow in this weather?" Yukiko said wryly as she shut the window, reducing the sound of rain from deafening to merely incessant and inescapable. "I thought I was used to rain, but coastal monsoons are something new, yeah?" "We get that a lot from inlanders," Kuwa-san said as she drew a sharp line under a column of numbers and wrote a sum. "You get used to it, and it's easier for shinobi -- you have all that fancy ninpou and whatnot. But in all honesty, Aoi-san, where is your partner? I can't finalize your supply contract without both of your signatures." Yukiko made a face as she combed water out of her black-dyed hair. "Is it that important to be fussy when this is all ninety percent illegal anyway?"

"The more illegal, the more important to nail down all the details," Kuwa-san said. "What court would adjudicate the case if you sign alone and Hyoujin-san decides next week that he won't pay for his share?" Yukiko personally agreed with Kuwa-san's caution, but her cover persona would probably make one further push. So, "Oh, don't worry about him. Hyoujin trusts me completely--" Kuwa-san raised her eyebrow again. "--nearly completely when it comes to contracts. What's the point of having a partner if you can't split your responsibilities?" "I would say partners split focus, not responsibility. If you don't maintain some degree of joint liability, what's to stop one of you from turning on the other?" "Ethics?" Yukiko said with a winning smile, and allowed herself to laugh at Kuwa-san's carefully calculated answering smirk. "Fair enough. Let me look over the terms and I'll drag him over here to pretend he knows how to use a brush sometime before-- when do you close today?" "Six." "Before six. Actually, let's say before five, yeah? He's not that hard to track or sweet-talk if you know what you're doing." Yukiko held out her now-dry hand for the supply contract and wiggled her fingers until Kuwa-san passed it across her desk. She retreated to the broad windowsill and began flicking through the pages. It wasn't complicated, just a dead drop of miscellaneous dry goods in neutral territory that would hopefully establish her and Kakashi as reliable clients and Kuwa-san as a reliable supplier -- a standard way for missing-nin and gray market merchants to feel each other out. If the goods wound up as a cache for a long-term Leaf-nin mission, well, nothing in the contract specified that Yukiko and Kakashi had to be the ones to make the pickup. And their cash was perfectly legitimate Fire Country tender, so as far as Kuwa-san was concerned, there was nothing to worry about. (Yukiko was fairly certain there was nothing to worry about on Konoha's end of the bargain either. Kuwa-san had a rock-solid reputation for following through on her contracts. Nobody survived twenty years in the gray market without either keeping their word almost religiously or spending a fortune on bodyguards, and Kuwa-san barely bothered to pay for warehouse security.) "Where do you source kunai?" she asked as the rain's intensity kicked up a notch, beating against the windowpane in a nearly solid sheet of water. "Wind Country," Kuwa-san said without looking up from her accounts. "Earth Country's metallurgy is better, but the border tariffs aren't usually worth the slight increase in quality. I could change that if you're willing to pay the difference." Yukiko feigned consideration. "I don't care, but Hyoujin can get picky about steel composition. What would the increase be for this number of kunai and senbon?" Kuwa-san named a figure. Yukiko made an exaggerated expression of disgust. "No thanks! He can whine and make do. I'm not paying that much more for what, a half percent less chance of flaws? It's not like anyone expects kunai to last anyway. Use 'em and lose 'em and buy some more, that's what I say. Or steal whatever's left from your targets! That's economy, yeah?" "Officially, I can't encourage any behavior that would reduce my chance to sell you more equipment, Aoi-san. Unofficially? Yes, that's very economical. If only all my clients were equally practical." "Eh, there's all kinds of ways to be practical. What we're good at is mostly spying and killing -- it's more efficient to hire a ninja than do that stuff in-house, yeah? Just like you're good at moving stuff around to where we need it, so it's more efficient to hire you instead of us trying to figure all that stuff out from scratch. It's win-win, is how I see it." Yukiko tapped the papers to shuffle them into a neat pile, then handed them back to Kuwa-san. "That looks fine on my ends. Me and Hyoujin will be back sometime this afternoon to sign and pay the next installment." "It's a pleasure doing business with you, Aoi-san," Kuwa-san said. Yukiko grinned and dove backward out the window, into the pounding rain. --------------- Kakashi was lurking in one of Asase's numerous quayside bars, most of which were run out of the back doors of warehouses and also did a brisk side business in assorted seafood dishes. Rain pelted down on the roof tiles in a clattering racket that Yukiko found personally soothing but professionally irritating -- it was a lot harder to eavesdrop through the constant noise, not to mention the complications it added to genjutsu. She and Kakashi had spent their first night in Asase mutually grousing about the unpredictability of electric ninjutsu in waterlogged conditions and the difficulty of filtering ambient sounds out of illusions. Today Kakashi was sipping a bowl of lobster broth through a long, curved straw that vanished into the deep blue folds of the scarf he'd used to shroud his face. To the casual eye he was staring out an open window toward the rainswept harbor, his oversized gray hood restricting his range of sight and hearing, but Yukiko followed the combined angle of his feet and chopsticks to their targets: a trio of young missing-nin drinking in the far corner, defaced forehead protectors proclaiming their renunciation of Kiri. They were small-time, only a few months out on their own each with barely a name and one line of description in the latest bingo book editions, but anyone willing to go against the Bloody Mist was worth a second look. Whether this particular investigation would conclude in a job offer or an assassination was still up in the air. "Heya, Hyoujin. Thinking of roping in some new blood for larger contracts?" Yukiko asked as she dropped into a seat across from him (back to their targets) and set her ramen down on the unsanded wood of the table. Kakashi shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Three's better than two for flexibility, but more than four on a mission gets awkward without ranks and a chain of command. Nobody who leaves a village wants to go back to those kind of restrictions." Yukiko tilted her hand. "Eh, there's assholes on power trips and there's division of labor -- not necessarily the same thing. I let you take the lead in a fight and you let me take the lead on retrievals. That's just practical, yeah? But we wouldn't throw each other away. Shinobi are tools, sure, but if you don't look out for your teammates, how can you trust they'll look out for you?" Kakashi shrugged again and continued sipping his broth. Targets hear? Yukiko signed under the guise of snapping apart her chopsticks. Yes, Kakashi signed back as he lifted his bowl and drank the last of his broth under the shadow of his hood and scarf. No bite. Yukiko slurped a mouthful of noodles and nicely salted broth. "Grouch. Well, whatever we do for future contracts, today we have to sign off on the supply contract with Kuwa-san. We'll need the goods for that thing in Tea Country and she wants both of our names in writing." "Sign for me," Kakashi said "Tried that. She won't bite." "So fake it. Illusions are your thing, Aoi; pretend I'm there and forge my seal." Yukiko slurped another mouthful of noodles in her best imitation of Naruto's sloppy manners. "Oh, sure. Lying is the best way to establish trust for future contracts, yeah?" "She's a civilian, how would she know?" "Not the point. C'mon, Hyoujin. You won't melt in the rain. Let's go make nice with Kuwa-san and I'll make it real worth your while." She ran the edge of her sandal up the side of Kakashi's shin and gave him her best imitation of her cousin Yura's flirtatious smile. Kakashi twitched. Yukiko slapped the table and let her smile shade into a more genuine grin. "Ha, I win." "Fine. Finish your soup and let's go drown ourselves. Again." "Eh, getting soaked's not that bad. Especially when you've got a partner around to help you peel out of all your soggy clothes and warm up when you get home, yeah?" Kakashi twitched again, then rallied and let a tiny arc of electricity jump between two raised fingers. "And then get wet again?" Yukiko held onto her cover persona by the skin of her teeth. "Now you're talking my language. All right, I'm done. Let's go give a little now so we get more back later." --------------- Signing the contract with Kuwa-san took all of twenty minutes -- half of which was entirely for show, as Kakashi lived up to his cover persona and whined about the kunai quality until Yukiko overruled him -- after which they had the afternoon and evening entirely to themselves and a conveniently established reason to retreat to their rented room and lock themselves inside Yukiko's best privacy genjutsu. "We can't stay longer than another day now that the contract's signed," Kakashi said as he flashed his hands through the seals for a quick and subtle bit of ninjutsu that left their clothes and skin completely dry without spilling any excess heat. "Do you think the targets will be receptive if we approach them openly?" Yukiko shook her head, grimaced at the awkward motion of her still-tangled hair, and began working the tie out of her ponytail. "No chance. I don't know if they'd even be open to a joint mission with Aoi and Hyoujin at this point. Sumire wants security and Kenichi likes profit, but they're still raw enough to see tigers in every other shadow, and Eriko's almost too paranoid to make deals with someone as solid and non-threatening as Kuwa-san. On the bright side, they're wildly unlikely to join up with anyone else." Kakashi slumped back onto the futon with an annoyed set to his eyebrow. "And since they haven't moved against Fire Country assets, there's nothing to justify an assassination without a contract. I hate leaving loose ends." Yukiko dropped down to sit cross-legged beside him, fingers slowly working through her tangles. "Think of it as a guaranteed vacation in a few months. Our agents will send word the next time our trio pass through Asase, Aoi and Hyoujin turn up to sign a new contract with Kuwa-san, and we sound them out for a joint mission. They ought to be the right balance of calmer and hungrier by then, and we'll get a better reading after a week or so of close contact." "Ugh." "Yeah, yeah, talking to people is terrible and scary." Kakashi rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in his arms, the soft, voluminous fabric of his hood blocking all apparent lines of sight. "Only the living." Yukiko froze, then sighed and flopped onto her back with her arms above her head. "Yeah. The dead talk back just as much, but it's still so much easier." "Sometimes I wonder how many people in Konoha would qualify for a 'Lone Survivor of My Genin Team, Including My Teacher' club," Kakashi said into the futon. "Then I stop wondering because the math is too depressing. But we could start a private chapter just for us." "Sometimes I hate that you trust me enough to say things like that," Yukiko said to the ceiling. "Then I tell myself not to be an idiot, because it means I get to say equally horrible things to you. Like that I'm pretty sure if we recruit our targets, at least one of them will be dead within two years, and I'm not sure that balances the odds that all three of them will die within one year if they keep working as missing-nin. After all, there's always a chance they might retire and start a farm." "Says the woman who got so bored with civilian life she jumped into a chuunin exam the minute Sandaime offered her a chance." "Says the Anbu assassin." Kakashi snorted. "We're all so fucked up." "Yeah." "Might as well be fucked up with other people who understand." "Yeah." They lay in silence for some time, listening to the steady thrum of rain on the roof tiles above. The air was warm and sticky, and the breeze eeling through the open window smelled faintly green beneath the ever-present fish-salt-rot odor of the sea. "Let's accidentally-on-purpose bump into the targets tomorrow morning, buy them breakfast, and float the idea of a joint mission later in the year," Yukiko said eventually. "Might as well plant seeds when the ground is soft." "You pay." "It's all mission funds in the end." "To clarify: you handle all the human interactions. I'll stand behind you and look vaguely menacing so they'll think at least one of us is competent." "To clarify: you'll look vaguely constipated, while I impress them with my social competency. Networking is an important skill for missing-nin." "I object to that assessment." "Which one of us has experience making business deals directly with civilians instead of through the mission office?" Kakashi flicked a gust of wind at her, re-tangling her hair. Yukiko pulled out Aoi's grin as she kicked Kakashi gently in the ankle. "Ninjutsu isn't a valid argument, which means I win. Your forfeit is fixing my hair." "Having teammates and friends is a terrible choice and I should never have made it a second time," Kakashi grumbled, but he sat up and tapped Yukiko's shoulder. "Turn around and hand me your comb." --------------- They hadn't been able to slap any chakra tags on the targets -- Eriko's paranoia was too thorough for even the subtlest of genjutsu threads to make it past her guard longer than a couple hours -- but Yukiko had gotten a decent sense of their chakra signatures over a series of not-quite-encounters during the past week. It helped to have rooms in the same lodging house, of course. Kakashi took first watch, leaving Yukiko to spend the back half of the night with a manual on steam heating systems and the interminable patter of rain. Eventually the sky began to lighten from matte black to flat gray and her spider-light sweep across the building and surrounding streets caught movement from their targets. "Time to go," she said as she stood. Kakashi remained unmoving until she nudged him with her foot, secure that he was actually awake and wouldn't strike her in reflexive defense. "I remember pretending to be a morning person when I was too young to know better," Kakashi grumbled into the futon. "It was a terrible idea then and it's a terrible idea now. Nobody should be awake before the sun is halfway up the sky." "Unfortunately the targets set the schedule," Yukiko said as she tucked her book away into a holding scroll. "Come on, put on your face and let's get to work." Kakashi flicked a minor wind jutsu in her direction as he rolled to his feet, but Yukiko had braided her hair so this time it stayed secure and untangled. "I wonder if I should switch to bulky scarves as an off-duty option. It's easier to eat and drink through the gaps between layers than to yank a mask up and down very fast or while people are looking away, and people have been much less interested in Hyoujin's face than they tend to be in mine." "That's because Hyoujin doesn't have a reputation. There's no glory in pulling down some random missing-nin's scarf." Yukiko grinned at Kakashi's affronted eyebrow and slipped out the window ahead of another wind jutsu. It wasn't hard to find their targets today: apparently Sumire's morning grumpiness had won over Eriko's paranoia and the trio of former Mist-nin were huddled near a breakfast yatai, half-sheltered from the incessant rain, and haggling over prices with the male half of the married couple behind the counter. Yukiko couldn't have asked for a better opening if she'd tried. She eeled her way up to the counter and grinned at the woman scraping down the stove from whatever she'd last been grilling. "Two miso and two fish on rice -- salmon for me, mackerel for my partner," she said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at Kakashi, who was standing, smugly dry, under a wind jutsu shaped into an invisible umbrella. "Oh, and how much extra for nori with the salmon?" The woman named a price. Yukiko rolled her eyes. "I hate bargaining on an empty stomach, so I'll just pay nine tenths of that and we'll all pretend you're not robbing me blind, yeah?" She glanced sideways to where the three young missing-nin were still arguing with the other cook. "I hate listening to arguments on an empty stomach, too, so how about I cover these loudmouths, too? Or at least the difference between what they're willing to pay and what you're asking." "Deal," the man said, interrupting the mockery of persuasion Kenichi was currently attempting. "Pay up and thank the nice lady for making sure I don't turn you away unfed." Eriko slapped her hand over Sumire's wallet. "No. It's poisoned." Yukiko rolled her eyes again. "There's a difference between reasonable caution and paranoia, yeah? I want a peaceful breakfast and our last mission went well, so I'm willing to pay a little extra to smooth things over. It's not like it's that much money. And hey, if it'll make you feel better, consider it a-- a-- Hyoujin, what's the word I want?" "Why would I know? You handle contracts," Kakashi said as he slipped a bite of mackerel through the folds of his scarf. "Ugh, why are we still partners?" "Because I'm very good with knives." "Point!" Yukiko slapped the yatai counter and turned back to the trio of missing-nin. "Anyway, breakfast. You're right that nothing comes free, so let's say that I'm paying for you to consider a joint mission sometime in the future, if me and Hyoujin have a line on a job that needs more than three people and we're kicking around the same market, yeah?" Sumire blinked. Kenichi looked like she'd slapped his face with a whole salmon. Eriko scowled and said, "That's not how contracts work." "Yes it is. It's called a-- a-- it's an option, that's the word! You can ask any of the suppliers in town, they'll tell you. I'm paying for the chance to run a job past you, because anyone who makes it out of Hidden Mist is worth a trial run, yeah? You don't have to accept. You just have to listen. And now I'm done with this conversation because I don't like having arguments on an empty stomach any more than I like listening to them. Don't die, and me and Hyoujin will see you around." She grabbed her rice bowl, her cup of miso, and her disposable bamboo chopsticks and kicked Kakashi's ankle to make him turn around and stop staring creepily at the trio of missing-nin through the folds of his scarf. Bite? she asked in handsign masked by a low-level illusion -- the chakra for which ought to be covered by Kakashi's own completely explicable umbrella jutsu. Maybe, Kakashi signed back, then added aloud, "What do you want to do for our next vacation, if this job goes as well as the last one?" Yukiko shrugged elaborately as she swallowed a mouthful of fish and rice. "Eh, there's worse places than the ocean. And by then, the rain should be over for the year. I like water a lot better when it stays flat on the ground than when it's trying to crawl up my nose and into my ears, yeah?" "That's because you have no imagination," Kakashi drawled. Yukiko considered countering with her own innuendo, but no; they were leaving Asase. They could leave Aoi and Hyoujin behind with the rain and introspection and return to more familiar ground. So she poked Kakashi with her chopsticks instead, and laughed when he neatly dodged the strike. As they walked past Kuwa-san's warehouse, bickering companionably, a watery ray of sun pierced briefly through the clouds over the storm-wracked sea and laid a path west to the green reaches of home. --------------------------------------------- End of Story --------------------------------------------- Well, that took significantly longer than it needed to, but I won in the end. \o/ Also, Kuwa Natsume (from Whose Allegiance Is Ruled by Expedience) is now officially part of Apartment Manager continuity. You're welcome. :D

[angelmichelangelo]

idk if this is discourse or something you dont want to get into but are garrett and shane still friends??

short answer: 99% sure they’re not. and i’m saying 99% because i obviously can’t be entirely sure because. i don’t know these people irl lol but in my head im like 100% sure they’re definitely not on speaking terms right now, and haven’t been in a loooong while.

long answer? and boy, it’s a long answer: i think garrett removed himself from shane’s circle (with the exception of andrew ofc) long before the drama kicked off. i don’t really recall because i didn’t watch them at the time but i do remember seeing garrett kinda.. disappear from videos around the whole j* era .

i think garrett made a choice when he thought about who he was hanging around with and whether he needed those people in his life. considering andrew was working for shane at the time still, i imagine it would have been hard? i guess? to just be like “yeah i don’t wanna hang out anymore except you andrew but you’re here like most days anyway”

which obviously in the end when needed, andrew took off too and both garrett and andrew created their own empire without shane lmao.

looking back, i don’t think shane even liked garrett that much. as much of an “empath” that he says he is (it gives me such bad second hand embarrassment to even write that lol) he really didn’t give a fuck about garrett. and people would and probably still do, argue that that’s just their level of friendship! lightly bullying your friend but knowing the bondries as to not ever really hurt their feelings.

but shane always pushed that boundary. he was downright cruel to garrett in some instances. and it’s not just the “harry potter is lame” jokes that garrett actually mentioned kinda suck, which they do! but garrett was treated like the comic relief in the group, because in shane’s little bubble he wanted everyone to be what he wanted to be.

you had shane: the hero of the story.

ryland: the sassy back talking witty one (though ryland has the personality and the wit of a broom so that didn’t really work did it)

andrew: the sweet, middle ground, quiet one.

morgan: the clutz thats hastag relatable

and then you have: garrett. the idiot fool who bumbles around, making a scene wherever he goes and is practically babysat by everyone else.

one thing that fucking IRKS me about this is that if you watch garrett’s videos, you know he’s goofy, funny, an insanely fun person. but he’s far from being an idiot. shane couldn’t have someone else besides himself (in his own mind) being funny AND clever (again, in his own mind) so he belittled him and acted like he was a burden to have to lumber around all the time, rather than just a silly, goofy friend that would joke around a lot.

one part of a video was when they were at an airport (i think they were going to Texas) and andrew and garrett are goofing off as they put benjamin in the bag and ryland literally goes “we’re all waiting, garrett,” with this.. snarky, shameful tone. AS IF THEY HAVENT ALL EMBARRESED EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC BEFORE like UGH the whole fucking bunny video makes my blood boil i can’t even get into it it makes me too mad lmao.

so i think garrett definitely decided at some point that he didn’t want to take that kind of abuse anymore, and i definitely think andrew saw it as well - because andrew and garrett were friends way before shane came along, so to me, i feel like andrews priorities always were always with garrett, and if garrett were to leave, i think andrew knew he’d leave to, job or no job, he cared more about his friends than money and fame (looking at you shane ryland and morgan)

shane doesn’t care about his friends or his “loved ones” or any of the people around him. he cares about money and fame and numbers and attention, even if it’s the negative kind. he’d joke that he KNEW he was treating garrett like shit and he’d use that as fuel to keep going, because he knew it drew more people in. plus, i feel like shane knew how popular garrett was getting. his channel exploded and he started making videos and people LOVED him. rightly so lol. nearly half the comments were about garrett; something he said and did, and rather than be excited for his “friend” shane took his anger out on him, almost, and again this is just my opinion, but in a way.. to control garrett.

i think it’s only human to think certain things, and i wonder if garrett had any worries that all his growing success and attention was because of shane and not because of himself. i wonder if maybe, deep down, he had some kind of fear that if he left, his subs would leave too. but obviously, he took the plunge, and everyone stayed and shane’s channel went up in flames lmao

garrett is one of those youtubers i think is very genuine. whilst everyone wears a certain mask online, which is fine, i feel like garrett’s is very thinly veiled. what you see is what you get with him, and the fact that his personality was used as an emotional punching bag by people he trusted and cared about, is really awful.

and i don’t fault him for sticking around shane. we’ve all witnessed toxic friendship/relationships, and im sure a lot of people understand how HARD it is to just get up and walk away. i think garrett tried his best to help shane and make him a better person, but i think it reached his limit, and he had a talk with andrew and they made the mutual desicion to move on without the rest of them.

AND THEYRE KILLING IT TOGETHER!!! i mean, fuck morgan for trying to shift blame on them for leaving, and fuck shane for obvious reasons and fuck ryland for no other reason that i hate him with an inch of my soul GOD he’s so fucking boring to look at. where’s the flavour???

i personally do not think that the nature of their friendship is something garrett is ever going to casually mention or make a sit down video about. i think the only information we’ll get is from shane’s pov either rather snarkily through rylands podcast or if shane ever attempts to come back to youtube, he might just mention them in passing OR they’ll all eventually all break the mutual on social media and that’ll be that. i feel like shane is the kind of person that won’t outright say anything on his own channel to hurt andrew or garrett because he’ll still want to keep up his uwu soft boy personality, but my god i can practically hear the fucking snide comments they’ll make on the podcast that don’t outright namedrop them, but they’ll probably make comments about “fake friends” or some shit like that, and all the brainless shane stans will use that as an excuse to be leave nasty comments on garrett and andrew’s stuff like they already do. so i guess we’ll just have to wait and see and know that hopefully andrew and garrett are prepared for any hate they’ll no doubt be receiving once shane tries to force his way back into the circle again.

so yeah, that’s my long answer lol. i don’t know if there was a discussion between them all but i have a feeling garrett just went away and kinda faded them out, and obviously im guessing there were conversations with andrew and shane since technically he worked for him, but yeah, there’s no way they’re all good friends behind the scenes. and im so fucking fine with that because andrew and garrett were 100% the reason i used to watch shane’s videos, and i’m glad they removed themselves from such a toxic environment where they went off and found success together without needing money or fame or any drama attached.

[shy-violet-soul]

Under the Influence

Summary: When Rae gets hurt, one brother comes to the rescue. Will relocations and pharmaceuticals pry some growing feelings into the open for the other brother?  Characters: OFC Rae Himmel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel Warnings: description of injury/treatment, bad language words, pharmaceuticals, Winchester shenanigans, mutual pining, fluffity fluff fluff A/N: Oft requested, here is a continuation of Rae >>> and the Winchester brothers! Other tales about Rae & the brothers can be found on my MASTERLIST.

A huge thank you to the effervescent, enthusiastic, & estimable @pinknerdpanda​ for beta-ing this for me. So many panda-hugs to you, girl!

gif credit: https://tenor.com by CasMcKenzie5

Now The feel of the metal stairs scraped pleasantly under his boots as he trotted down into the war room. A long overdue supply run had kept him out for a bit - the latest batch of credit cards awaited them at the post office. Both brothers needed new socks, and the sporting goods store also had the best deal on rock salt in the hunting section. Yahoo for DIY deer licks. Shifting box, bag, and bundle, he strode his way into the library.

“Anybody home?” No answer. A brief flicker of surprise shrugged his shoulders as the items plunked and rustled to the table. Apple, cinnamon, and rosemary in the air tickled his nose, stretching a smile up into crinkles by his eyes. Rae had been busy. He’d been hoping to catch some time with her today. The silence in the bunker told him he had enough time to clean up a bit before he invited her to watch that new Marvel movie with the nonchalance he’d practiced and perfected in the car. Plan in place, he hastened his steps towards the hall before the smug, teasing brother gaze found him.

And there she was. Sprawled out on the hallway floor like a cute little pile of laundry. With her left arm bent and bandaged to her torso and a magnificent blue bruise decorating her left eye.

“Rae?”

“Hiya, there! Oh, crap, it’s him.”

45 minutes ago Bopping along to Bobby Darin, Rae gave a satisfied nod to the rosemary apple pie steaming expectantly on the counter. Hopefully, the unique recipe would dodge scorn from the brothers. A stack of Men of Letters files waiting for research were calling her name. She hip-checked an open drawer closed, scooted the towel over the oven door handle to dry, and grabbed her phone. As she turned towards the library door, the “pantry” shelves caught her attention. The jar of molasses on the top shelf had tipped over - if that sucker kamikazed and broke, that would be actual hell to clean up.

Sighing, Rae glanced over her shoulder at the folding step stool that lived behind the sink. For the boys, with their muscles for days, it was easy to extricate. For her? She’d wrenched stuck paper from copier guts more easily. Rae didn’t hesitate; she scrabbled up the shelves and reached towards the jar.

Rae would later be ready to swear on Dean’s sacred stack of vinyls that stupid jar jumped. Right off the shelf. Onto her face.

In the heartbeat it took for the pain to hit her vocal cords, Rae reared back instinctively, one foot slipping from its perch. Her feet probably could have skated for purchase and saved her if her hand hadn’t decided to kung-fu-grip the shelf on her way down. Pain ripped through her left shoulder in the same heartbeat the pain in her face caught up, mixed with the fear the brief freefall sparked. Her scream echoed through the bunker as she hit the floor. Actually, first the weird metal pole in front of the shelves, then hit the floor.

Pounding bootfalls ran in her direction.

“Rae! What the hell?!”

Now “Molasses ain’t slow, Winchester. It’s faster than two shakes of a tog’s dail. Tail’s dog. Is that right? I think that’s right.” 

Her eyes had sagged shut during her speech as he quickly crouched beside her. At his touch on her face, she dragged her eyes back open. Swollen left eyelid tried twice before the right decided to make an effort and blinked wide.

“Oh, my God, you’re so damn cute. Don’t tell Sam I said that!” 

Shock blew his own eyes saucered - right before his excited grin could appear, he cleared his throat.

“Rae, are you drunk? What happened?” he asked as he leaned to help her sit up. He hesitated, though, unsure where to grab her, so he yelled for his brother. His cute little pile of laundry sighed and smiled.

“Yep, yep, yep. Cute, cute, cute.”

43 minutes ago “Watch it, gigantor!”

“Hang on, I’ve gotta see the damage.” Rough fingers pressed carefully around her eye, nose, and cheekbone. “No fractures, just one grandaddy of a shiner.”

A pained sound growled from Rae. “That’s because all the fractures are in my arm!”

He huffed as he scooted around to her side, ignoring her grunts and whimpers as he examined what he could get to around her flinches and flails.

“OW! Watch it, that hurts!”

“Okay, okay. So, it’s fairly simple. The humeral head has been forcibly propelled out of the glenoid fossa.”

Rae glared up at him through the hot pulse of unhappy blood vessels in her face. “English, you fool! Don’t spew those big words at me!”

His lips twitched as he tried to hide a smile. She is adorable when she’s mad!

“You’ve got a dislocated shoulder there, Grace Kelly.”

Now “What’r you doin’ on the floor? I left you in your bed. Remember? You wanted my blanket?”

“What happened?”

“No blanket can hold me. I freedomed for my fought….what blanket?”

“What happened?!”

“That extra soft goldish brown one.”

Rae’s eyes were still closed as the brothers carefully hauled her to a sitting position. She sighed dreamily. “I love that blanket. It’s just like his hair. All fluffy and soft and kinda...you know, kinda….brown. I love his hair.” Her eye popped open and she stared up at blanket-owning brother. “Is that weird? That I love his blanket hair?”

The brothers stared at each other, one of them going red right up into his ears.

“What the hell happened?!?”

38 Minutes “Just amputate it and put me out of my misery!”

He rolled his eyes as he helped her move into place on the infirmary bed. “We’re not gonna amputate it. I’m telling you, I can fix this.”

The glare she shot him was all squinty suspicion. “I’m not sure I trust you, Winchester. You said that after I caught you eating my last Oaks Candy mini Melty Bars.”

“And didn’t I have Garth swing through Oshkosh after taking care of that wendigo outside Algoma? He was in cornfield heaven.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do what you’re going to do.”

Shaking his head with a grin, he coaxed her to lean forward slightly as he cupped the front of her shoulder with his left hand, his right warm between her spine and shoulder blade. “Okay. On three.” He felt her shudder as she tried to brace herself, exhaling in preparation of a deep breath. “One -”

SNAP.

Lungs empty, Rae couldn’t even squeal as she crumpled forward like a paper bag. Additional, abominable pain seared sweat into her armpits and tears into her eyes as she sucked in air, slamming her good fist into the mattress beneath her. Dropping to his knees, her tormenting saviour peered up at her worriedly. Oh crap - did I make it worse? What if I made it worse?

“You okay?”

“You - lying - no! What happened to ‘on three’?!”

He cringed as the words croaked from her tight throat, gingerly patting her knee and ready to duck if she swung at him. “Hey, I learned that move from the best. Look on the bright side. The worst is over. I’ll wrap it up real good for you, and I’ve got some fantastic pain killers!”

Carefully leaning on her good arm, Rae shot him the evilest glare from her one eye she could muster.

“You better wrap up both arms for your own protection, mister!”

My brother’s gonna kill me.

Now “I ought’a kill you!”

Dean rolled his eyes as he helped get Rae’s limp-noodle-legs into Sam’s arms. “She’s fine! I did a Boy Scout badge worthy job of wrapping her up and gave her some of that Demerol you think you hid. Rest, ice, compression, elevation - she’ll be good as new in a couple of days.” He glanced down to see his patient happily hanging her head upside down over Sam’s arm as she stared at the number on the door in front of her.

“Didja know that our...our numbers’s over 1,000 years olld? Sam told me that. Sweet, smart Sam. I love his sweet, smart brain.”

Fresh heat flooded more red up into Sam’s ears as he glared at Dean. “How much of that Demerol did you give her?”

Dean shrugged, hiding his smirk. “Two, same as I take it.” The older brother immediately took a step back when Sam’s eyes popped wide and the vein in his forehead throbbed visibly.

“You idiot! Those are 100 milligram tablets!”

“Yeah, so?”

“She’s almost half your size! Half of one tablet would have been more than plenty! I’m amazed she’s even breathing!”

“Oooooo…” Cringing, Dean took another step back as Sam tried to move Rae right side up. Her one good eye stared up Sam dazedly before she slapped her hand over his mouth.

“Rae! Stop talking! Stop saying words ‘bout Sam’s brain! And his hair. Oh, my lord, I love his hair. Shhh!”

Bitch-face-level 99 burned from Sam’s eyes over Rae’s hand, and Dean decided a tactical retreat was in order.

“I’m gonna go...somewhere...not here.”

Distantly, Rae gathered that Dean and Sam were having words, but she couldn’t marshal together enough thoughts to worry. All she knew was that she was warm, her shoulder and face didn’t hurt anymore, and she really, really liked Sam. Where was Sam, anyway?

A wonderful, floaty, rocking motion made her head spin, and something tickled her hand. Her eye slowly tracked up her arm to see her hand plastered across Sam’s mouth, and he was trying to say something. Seeing him so close filled her with pure happiness.

“Hi, Sam! Hiya! It’s Sam!”

Sam couldn’t help but smile at his little limp laundry girl as he carried her to her room. “Hi, Rae. Just hang on a second, and I’ll have you in bed.”

She plopped her head on his shoulder, sighing dramatically. “Oh, my God, he can have me in bed any time. Hoo, boy. I mean - arms. So much arms,” she drawled, poking his bicep.”

Sam almost choked on his own breath, heat arrowing through him. “What? No - I mean - not now, just - hang on,” he stammered out, striding into her room, eager to get her situated and flee before things got any more ridiculous. The gold-brown chenille blanket from Dean’s room lay in a wrestled pile on the floor that he stepped over before carefully depositing her on her bed. Trying to lift her to prop her on pillows was like trying to fold a sleeping bag - soft, sprawling, and sticking to him like static. When he finally situated her into place, he glanced up to find their faces so close, he could count the freckles on her nose. That little skip in his heart he felt so often when near her jumped to life, and the temptation to kiss those soft lips was almost irresistible.

Surrounded by warmth and strength, Rae felt blissfully safe. The scent of Sam’s cologne tickled her nose, causing a grin to tug briefly at her lips. Everything was dark, though. Why was everything dark? 

“Did Sam turn off the lights?”

“Uh...no?”

“Then, why is it so dark?”

“Because your eyes are closed.”

Oh. That made sense. With a series of facial gymnastic maneuvers, Rae managed to stretch her eye open. Sam’s topaz gaze waited for her, shining in autumn-colored glory down on her. A swirl of giddiness heralded a bloom of warmth in her chest, and she couldn’t stop the smile that threatened to stretch right off her face.

The smile lighting up Rae’s warm pecan-pie-brown gaze sent Sam’s belly flip-flopping, and he couldn’t help but smile back. Before he could blink, her mouth suddenly dropped open as she gasped in something like horror, her hand slapping over his eyes. 

“Ohmygaw, don’t look at his eyes! They’re a trap, Rae! They’re too pretty!”

Sam couldn’t stop the grunt when one of her fingers jabbed into his left eyeball, hurrying to peel her hand away before she blinded him. Blinking the pained tears away, he still couldn’t stop his smile as he rubbed the offended orb.

“You think I have pretty eyes?”

Rae’s head swam, but whether it was his dimples or whatever had happened before - memory suddenly escaped her - she couldn’t say for sure. To protect herself, she clapped her hand over her own eyes.

“The dimples of doom!” she whispered. “I’m done for.”

Fresh surprise sent Sam’s eyebrows skyward. “Dimples of doom?”

A strangled sound croaked from Rae as she sank back into the pillows. “I want to kiss them!” Just as quickly, she snatched her hand away and sent him a puppy dog look that rivalled his own. “Can I kiss them?”

Sam reeled back when he caught himself leaning towards her, steeling himself against her pleading gaze. Everything in him practically begged him to grab her, kiss her dimples, and not let her go for the foreseeable future. Hearing her drug-induced confessions set his heart pounding - he’d had feelings for her for so long. But they were just that - ramblings fueled by inadvertent opiate overdose. He couldn’t - wouldn’t - take advantage of something Rae didn’t mean.

“I think it’s time I get out of here so you can get some sleep.”

“You mean, I can’t kiss them?” She sounded downright hurt. Sam forced himself to his feet.

“Rae, you’re high as a kite on the meds Dean gave you. You won’t remember any of this tomorrow.”

Not 100% sure what he said, Rae only knew he wasn’t beside her anymore, and he looked sad. A couple of his words untangled in her brain, and she frowned.

“You listen here, Wam Sinchester. I remember stuff just fine!”

“It’s okay, Rae, just get some rest. I’ll check on you later.”

Addled though she was, the dismissal came through loud and clear. Anger tried to shove aside the drugs as she fought to sit up, failed, and settled for giving him a serious stink eye.

Sam blinked when she fixed a weird, squinty look on him, then turned to head for the door, hoping to strengthen his resolve. He failed miserably - one glance over his shoulder saw the dim light from the desk lamp shining amber lights into her wild, messy curls, and he was snared once again.

“You - you - oh!” she groused. “You say you take one fake sugar in your coffee, but you take three reg’lar ol’ sugars when you think no one’s lookin’. When you watch a for’n movie the first time, you do it without th’ sub...the subt...the words on the bottom ‘cuz you like to listen to the language. The first time I saw you came back from joggin’, I stopped breathin’ for a second, ‘cuz - damn, boy. Ever’ time you touch my shoulder an’ give me that quick smile, I can hardly stop myself from huggin’ you. You like peanut butter an’ raspberry rhubarb jam sammiches. You don’t like trail mix with dried bananas. And you!” she swore out dramatically, pointing an accusing finger at him, “you keep stealin’ my ‘spensive shampoo!”

Suddenly exhausted, her eye starting to twinge, Rae flopped back onto the pillows and burst into tears.

Sam stood frozen - shocked like he hadn’t been in a long time. A man of keen observation, Sam knew a lot about Rae. She could eat breakfast food three meals a day. She scorned Cheetos but powerhoused through Cheese Nips. Fancy scented candles gave her headaches, but lavender essential oil went with her everywhere. The first time she smiled, his heart damn near stopped. She killed him when she wore that grey tunic-length ‘Namastay in Bed’ t-shirt; the navy lace bralette she always paired it with was just visible through the light fabric, and her boobs...whoa. She always kept a hair band around her wrist, even if she wore one in her hair. And, yes, he stole her shampoo because it kept the scent of her with him.

So, yeah - he knew a lot about Rae. All the reasons why he’d fallen for her. He’d never dared hope she knew him, too.

The fat tears dripping down her swollen, purpling cheek sent Sam’s heart straight to his belly. In one quick step, he sank to his knees at her bedside, snatching up her free hand.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, don’t cry!”

She grabbed for him; powerless to resist her, Sam tucked her face into his neck and breathed her in.

“I tol’ you I ‘membered stuff!”

“You did. You do.”

“An’ ‘s okay you steal the shampoo ‘cause...pretty hair.”

“Thank you for letting me steal it.”

“An’ it just hurts ‘cause I want to hug you all the time. You an’ your stupid pretty eyes.”

Smiling so wide his stupid, pretty eyes nearly crinkled shut, Sam softly stroked her hair. 

“You can hug me anytime you want, Rae.”

“I can?”

“As long as I can hug you.”

Snuffling pathetically, Rae nodded against his skin. “Okay.” Completely spent, she sagged against him in a boneless sprawl. “Tired, Sam. Can’t...my eyes can’t.”

Sam gently eased her back down, stroking her unblemished cheek with his thumb. “It’s okay, Rae, you rest.”

“Stay?” she mumbled out before a slight snore buzzed from her. Sam sat for a moment, just gazing at her and basking in the warmth of shared affection. Then, he pulled off her shoes along with his own, and drew Dean’s prized blanket over both of them as he cuddled her to him carefully. Tomorrow would come soon enough to talk clearly about these confessions. For now, he was staying right where he was.

A long time later, when two gentle snores back-and-forthed in the room, Dean carefully cracked the door open, grinning smugly at the two curled up together. Closing the door soundlessly behind him, he didn’t flinch when Cas appeared in the hall.

“Did it work?”

“Like a charm. Just call me Cupid. Nope - strike that. He’s a dick. Call me...Dr. Love,” the hunter drawled out proudly, flipping a pill bottle up before catching it.

“So, I adjusted the dosage correctly to not kill Rainbow?”

Rolling his eyes, Dean turned for the library. “Yes, Cas. Just needed her under the influence enough to get those two lovesick nerds talking.”

[eastasianfeelings]

you make me jealous, baby: Changkyun

— based on Monsta X as jealous boyfriends 

Summary: As a Korean-English interpreter with Monsta X, you’re naturally a bit closer with Changkyun than the rest of the boys. That makes coming out to him an interesting process, to say the least.

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: jealousy, coming out as queer, making out

*

You come out to Changkyun in the most incidental way, in pieces.

It happens on Monsta X’s third American tour, the first one that you attend as their official interpreter.

“Thanks very much for the help,” says Ellie, the interviewer in Chicago, as the members and staff file out of the room. She shakes your hand with a wide smile. “This whole process is honestly so much easier with an interpreter.”

“No problem. It’s nice to speak English after so long in Korea,” you admit.

She withdraws her hand and seems to consider what to say next. “If you’re up for speaking more English,” she starts off, “there are a few local places that are part of the K-pop scene, and I always recommend them for anyone who visits the city.”

“Oh, really?” The concept of western spaces dedicated to K-pop is interesting to you.

“I was planning to go out tonight. If you’re free, would you like to come with me?” she asks.

Hm. This sounds kinda like an invitation to go out… Are you reading too much into this?

You decide to check. “Like a date?” You prop up a smile; in the case that she’s straight, you can pretend it’s a joke.

But Ellie doesn’t brush it off. Instead, she ducks her head and smiles wider. “If you want it to be.”

Hot damn. It’s been a long minute since anyone tried to ask you out. You can’t stop your responding smile, even as you say, “Thanks very much for the invitation, but I’m not really a one-night kind of person. I really appreciate it, though.”

Ellie sighs playfully. “The hot ones always say no!”

“Stop, you’ll make me blush,” you say with a laugh.

“I only speak the truth.”

“Jeez…”

The two of you part ways after adding each other on Instagram. At the elevators, you find Changkyun there by himself.

“Changkyun-ssi?” you question. “Were you separated from the others?”

“No, I was waiting for you,” he says, pressing the down button for you.

“Oh. You didn’t have to.”

“I actually wanted to ask about the interview today.”

“Sure, go ahead.” Recently, he’s been coming to you to brush up on his vocabulary, go over previous interviews or learn what the latest internet slang means. It seems to be his way of showing that he’s not trying to put you out of a job when he takes over translating in interviews.

“Well, it’s…” Changkyun looks down, and you’re curious about his hesitation. “It’s a question about what the interviewer said afterward.”

“Don’t worry, you can ask me anything.”

He looks up at you, but his gaze skitters away again. “I heard the word date. When she was speaking to you.”

“Ah. Right.”

As he’s gathering what to say next, the elevator arrives, and both of you step in. He waits for the doors to close before continuing.

“Is there a new way to use that word? Date? In Korean, we use it in terms of dating. But was the interviewer using it differently…?”

“Oh, no,” you reassure him. “She meant it in terms of dating. Well — ” You scrunch up your nose and squint into the distance. “I guess, more in terms of… sexual attraction?” A one-night-stand is not exactly dating. “Anyway, it was that kind of meaning, for sure.”

Changkyun’s silent. You look at him to see his slightly shocked expression, and you realize that whoops, you kinda just came out to him.

“Uh…” You raise your palms in the air, wondering if he’s gonna be okay or not. “Changkyun-ssi?”

“Noona, you — you like women?” His voice is small, scraping on the floor. “You are… lesbian?”

His brain might explode if you tell him you’re bi, so you keep it simple. “I like women, yes,” you say in your calmest tone. “It’s part of who I am.”

At that, he snaps back to life. “Oh, of course! I’m totally fine with that,” he hurriedly reassures you, even if it’s not the most convincing response. “It’s just, I never, I guess I didn’t expect that.”

“Most people in Korea don’t.” You add a smile to soften your blunt statement. “But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go around sharing with everyone.”

“Of course, of course,” he babbles, unable to look you in the eye.

“I just like to be in control of who I tell when.”

“Of course, definitely. I completely understand.”

“Great.”

With perfect timing, the elevator arrives at the ground floor, and Changkyun shoots out like his butt’s on fire.

Welp. There goes your budding friendship with the maknae of Monsta X.

*

You’re not really worried at all about him spilling the beans. He’s not the type, and plus from the way he acted, he probably would prefer just to pretend he’d never heard it at all.

But you can’t say it doesn’t sting a little when he starts minimizing contact with you. He takes the lead in interviews without double-checking with you, he doesn’t come to you for SNS posting advice and he doesn’t have full-on conversations with you in English anymore.

Well, it’s better than losing your job, you remind yourself after a week has passed in this way.

At the next interview in Texas, the interviewer Austin takes an interest in your position as interpreter, which is a change.

“So what made you decide to become a professional interpreter?” he asks after the Monsta X questions have wrapped up. “Did you get into it because you liked K-pop?”

“No, actually,” you reply, keeping an eye on the rest of the crew packing up to make sure you aren’t left behind. “I wanted to return to Korea because that’s where my family is originally from, and since I grew up in Canada, I speak both English and Korean fluently.”

“Ah, so you’re an immigrant,” says Austin with a little too much enthusiasm. “See, I think that’s so fascinating. You’re reconnecting with your ethnic roots and at the same time bridging cultures across the globe! It’s powerful work, you know?”

Aaand this conversation just devolved real quick. “Sure,” you say, deadpan.

“To be honest, I’ve always thought that English teachers in the East Asian countries were doing God’s work,” he continues. “The effort and devotion involved in bringing the western language to the east is just awe-inspiring to me.”

Good lord. “My work isn’t at so grand of a scale,” you say, truthfully. You interpret for a famous K-pop band so they can make sales in foreign markets, and that’s it.

“Oh no.” He reaches out to place his hands on your shoulders. “Don’t undersell yourself. I look up to people like you.”

Before you can brush him off, someone joins your conversation. “Noona? It’s time to go.”

You both look round to see Changkyun. He’s got his blank gaze trained on the interviewer, who’s caught off-guard by the sudden injection of Korean.

But your job is done, you’re not interpreting anymore. “All right, let’s go,” you say to him. “Nice to meet you,” you say in English to the interviewer with a fake smile.

“Uh, nice to meet you too. Oh, by the way, did I get your name?”

Changkyun reaches in with an arm, casually swipes away the interviewer’s hands on you and hovers his hand over the small of your back. “We’re going now,” he says bluntly in English to Austin. “Bye.”

Without even waiting for a response, he uses his whole body to herd you out of the room and into the hallway.

Once again, the two of you are waiting by yourselves for the elevators. You glance at Changkyun, who’s looking away, and sigh internally.

But then he abruptly whirls around, startling you. “Noona. In those situations — can’t you just tell the guy that you like women?”

Um, what?

“Excuse me?” you say, 100% confused.

“In situations like that one.” He waves vaguely down the hall. “Wouldn’t it end quicker if you told him you like women?”

“Wouldn’t what end, exactly?” Your eyebrows are scrunched so far up they feel like they’ll fall off.

Changkyun struggles for a bit, then bursts out, “The flirting. The way he was hitting on you.”

Eh???

Wow, he probably misunderstood that conversation by a thousand and one miles. “Hang on a minute. That man wasn’t flirting with me.”

“He was,” Changkyun insists loudly, then lowers his volume. “I heard what he said.”

“Okay,” you humour him, “but I think you misunderstood what he was saying — ”

“Noona, don’t you think you probably misunderstood?” he cuts in. “Because you’re not attracted to men?”

And there’s the other real misunderstanding. Might as well just clear it up right now.

“Changkyun-ssi,” you say as placatingly as you can, “I am attracted to men.”

He blinks. And blinks and blinks.

“And no, that man was not flirting with me. He was spouting a lot of orientalism crap, actually, and I don’t think that’s ever been considered a flirty subject — ”

“Wait a moment, noona.” He’s staring blankly at the elevator doors, processing.

“Yes?”

“You like men?”

“Yes.”

“But you also like women.”

“Yes. It’s called being bisexual, if you want to be official about it.”

He blinks some more.

Finally, when he turns to look at you, there’s a strange kind of confusion on his face. “You didn’t tell me this.”

You tilt your head. “I told you I like women.”

“But you didn’t say you also like men.”

“I mean.” You shrug, not interested in getting into bisexuality politics at this moment. “They’re not mutually exclusive.”

“But that’s important.”

“Why?”

His jaw works.

“Where is the elevator, anyway…” You turn and see that the button isn’t even pressed. “Oh.”

But when you reach out to press it, Changkyun grabs your hand and says, “Wait.”

You gather your patience and let your hand go limp in his grasp. “What is it, Changkyun-ssi?”

He tugs, and now the two of you are square, face-to-face. “That means…”

You wait.

“That means I can like you.”

…

What?

What?

What?

“You can like me?” you repeat dumbly.

The two of you stare at each other for a long moment.

Slowly, you begin to work your hand out of his grip. “Um.”

“No.” Changkyun tightens his hold and takes your other hand, too. “Noona.” He says the one word, and then starts flushing deeply. 

“Changkyun-ssi…” You try to pull back, but that seems to strengthen his resolve.

“Noona — I like you.”

You gape at him. Like, you physically feel your jaw loosening. What is happening?

“Um — ”

“I do. I like you,” he continues, voice getting huskier. “I like it when you teach me new English words; when we write SNS posts together; when we have really long conversations at night together...”

“Changkyun,” you try again, even though you have no idea what to say.

A scowl starts to darken his face. “But... I really don’t like it when other people hit on you.” He shoots you an accusing look. “I thought I only had to watch out women. But now I have to watch out for men, too.”

“You don’t have to — ”

“I do.” He steps into you, and instinctively you take a step back to preserve the space between your bodies. “Because — ” His face is deep red now, but he gets the words out once more: “Because I like you.”

Okay, what the fuck? What kind of noona romance drama is this? What leading actor is currently playing Im Changkyun and equipping him with all these lethals lines? And why is this hallway so conveniently devoid of people?

Your face is hot, you can’t look him in the eye, and, oh yeah, he’s still holding your hands. You tell yourself not to back up anymore, because that’s how heroines get pinned against walls and kissed.

Not that you would mind.

You wouldn’t mind? 

Since when did you come to the conclusion that you wouldn’t mind kissing Changkyun?

“Noona.” He leans in again, and you barely hold yourself steady. Quietly, he asks, “Do you like me, too?”

Your head is ducked down so far your neck is getting a crick. With effort, you manage, “I don’t… not like you.”

“You — ”

“BUT,” you say hastily, “think this through, Changkyun-ah. You’re an idol. I work with you. I’m older than you. Think about how unrealistic this is.”

He doesn’t respond right away, and when you dare to peek up, his eyes look unfocused.

“Yah. Im Changkyun?”

He meets your gaze as a dopey smile starts to spread across his face. “You called me Changkyun-ah.”

“What? Oh.” That’s what he chooses to focus on? You’d facepalm right now, except he’s still clasping your hands in his.

“Before we talk about all that…” Changkyun leans in far enough that your foreheads brush, and so do your breaths. “Can you tell me that you like me?”

When you struggle to respond, he hurries to add, “Because I know, I know I like you, noona.” Another step in, and now his legs are almost around yours. “You make me jealous, you know that? It’s so stupid. But... I want you to want me.”

His quiet openness shakes you. What are you supposed to be replying to again? Your mind is dazed and dizzied while every sense feels overstimulated: touch, sight, sound, smell… 

“Do you, noona?” he asks, oh so vulnerable.

You look into his eyes. You swallow. You can’t shake your head no.

He whispers: “Can I kiss you?”

Taste.

Slowly, you nod once.

He comes to you breathlessly. There’s heat on your mouth and then there’s him on your mouth, a dry pressure that instantly sweetens when he shifts and angles his head. You close your eyes and automatically tilt your chin into him, not even really conscious of what you’re doing, and oh. Now you feel him across every nerve in your lips. Now there’s the start of a liquid reaction that you haven’t felt for a while, a chemical rush that sweeps you up and takes you away.

Changkyun opens his mouth. The slow pull and rub of his lips against yours draws your tongue instinctively. And nothing is dry anymore, the kiss is all lush sensation and a physical response that nearly bewilders you with the intensity.

His hands have moved to your head and he pulls you to him like the two of you might meld into one if he holds you tight enough. You touch his tongue with yours, repeatedly, and think: Doomed. I’m doomed.

He breaks off the kiss first, using his grip in your hair to gently pry you away. You lift your eyelids and see him staring back at you. Beautiful.

“Noona,” he whispers.

“Uh?”

“I think you like me.”

“Mm,” you manage.

His eyes narrow as he begins to smile. “Noona.”

“What.”

He pulls you firmly into him, into the most romantic hug you’ve ever had, and for a moment you feel tears threaten to emerge.

“Tell me,” he whispers into your hair.

“What?”

“Say you like me.”

You squirm a little. “Do I... have to?”

Changkyun pulls back and looks you sternly in the eye. “Should we kiss again until you’re sure?”

“No! No, no. No need.”

“Then tell me.” He leans in to rest his forehead against yours again.

You feel like shivering at the closeness. “Can you give me time?”

“Time?”

You place a hand on his chest. “If we start a relationship, I want to do it right. It can’t just start like this because you learned I was bi and you were jealous about a male interviewer.”

“What?” Changkyun draws back in affront. “How can you say we’re ‘starting like this’? You don’t even know how long I suffered, being around you all the time, just waiting and waiting for you to pay attention to me — ”

“Okay, okay,” you cut him off, “no need to be dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic!” He grabs your hand again. “Remember our first day in Boston, when you asked that tour guide for directions and he asked for your number in return? I had to tell him to knock it off!”

You frown. “I’m pretty sure he only wanted my number for telemarketing purposes.”

“And what about Portland, that barista wrote his name and a heart on your cup!”

“Uh, more like he just misheard me when I told him my name — ”

With a groan, Changkyun crushes you to him again and squeezes you tight. “You’re so oblivious,” he complains.

“I really don’t think so,” you say, amused. “I think you’re maybe a bit biased.”

He sighs and draws back again. “Because I like you,” he says, so simple and straightforward that you’re blushing and smiling.

He leans in for another kiss, so you quickly apply force to his chest. “Wait. Let’s head back to the company now. Okay? Everyone’s probably wondering where we are. And I want to take care of all the politics before we go any further.”

He looks at you with disappointed puppy dog eyes, and you reach up to pat his cheek. “I’m not saying no, okay? Trust me.”

“Mmph. Okay. Fine.” He loosens his arms, and you already miss the feeling.

When you finally press the button for the elevator, the doors slide open as if the elevator was waiting the whole time. But as you’re about to walk in, a voice calls out to you.

“Hey! You’re still here?”

You pivot on the spot with dread and… yep, there’s good ol’ Austin, walking down the hall toward you.

“Hey there, I.M,” he says to Changkyun, tipping an imaginary hat. Guess that’s what they do here in Texas.

“Hi.”

Austin brushes off that single flat syllable and addresses you. “Glad I caught you. I wanted to ask if you’d like to exchange contact information. I’d love to hear about the work you’re doing with Monsta X within the K-pop industry — did I mention it’s a passion of mine?”

You open your mouth to decline politely, but Changkyun beats you to it. “Sorry, we don’t have time. We have to go, now,” he says in English, and shepherds you into the waiting elevator car.

“Thanks for the interview,” you tack on hastily, to be diplomatic.

Changkyun looks at you. Then he bends down, braces his hands against the wall on either side of you and plants his mouth firmly on yours.

The elevator doors slide closed on Austin’s shocked face.

*

[dcomposing]

jumin route rewrite???

ive had.... Issues with jumin's route since the first time i played it and im waiting out a 3 hour layover which means its time to self indulgently fix all of those problems right now in excruciating detail

for the record, i dont mean any disrespect towards cheritz -- i love mysme dearly and this is purely a self indulgent experiment to see what my ideal jumin route would have been! if you like his route as is thats totally fine! it just wasnt for me lmao

this was super fun to write and if this picks up i might do another route rewrite (and i might do it even if it doesnt because it was just that fun lol)

anyways this is REALLY long (literally its like 3k words all in outline form) so its gonna go under the cut lol

okay so: issues i had with jumin’s route that i want to address:

it moves WAY too fast — i mean all of the routes do to a certain degree; they’re only 11 days long but like... you’re literally engaged to him by the end of it which iirc, is something that is only replicated in seven’s normal ending (and even then i think its only implied?) and i get that the point is that jumin goes all out for the people he loves and is VERY certain that he loves you but it just feels... way too soon for my liking ESPECIALLY because you’re his first love! it just makes it feel like he’s caught up in the rush of being in love for the first time and isn’t thinking things through which... isn’t exactly the making of a great relationship lol. so for this re- write we’re gonna slow it WAY down because... oof. 

the sarah and glam plot line happening concurrently with the mint eye/possessive jumin one makes the route feel overly busy. i actually have a similar issue with the echo girl/mint eye overlap in zen’s route but that’s a topic for another day lol. so i’m gonna try to delineate between the two a bit more so there’s less overlap.

SPEAKING OF possessive jumin lol... maybe its just my Personal Background bleeding in, but possessiveness is a really big red flag/trigger for me and i felt like it went WAY too far in his route. dgmw, i understand that its meant to be a character flaw and something he’s meant to overcome but i just feel like there are simpler ways to show that side of him without it becoming... as scary as it got. i wasn’t sure how to deal with it though -- i think it would best be expressed through smaller actions and the minutia of dialogue with the others (e.g. jumin refusing to send a photo of you into the chat room when zen asks if you’re alright, locking up elizabeth, etc.)

the canon first kiss with jumin happening both without your explicit consent AND just to drive sarah away is.... icky to me. especially because he MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH SARAH while kissing you??? i hate that cg lol. it just takes what should be a moment about the two of you and turns it into him using you to prove a point and i don’t like it at all. it’s not romantic and it feels... out of character for jumin to use someone he cares about like that. i have similar issues with the proposal happening right after he exposes glam and sarah. so lets make the kiss more genuine and nix the proposal entirely because it happens too quickly for comfort anyways.

with all of that in mind, i decided a fake dating plot would probably work best (and like i said, this is self indulgent and i’m a SUCKER for fake dating stories sooooo). it makes sure we hit all the beats of the glam/sarah plot line without shoving him and the mc into a relationship too quickly. it also means we can keep their first kiss as a big “fuck you” to sarah, but this time mc gets to be 100% in on the joke AND they get to have a “real” first kiss later on! that’s two (2!) kisses for the price of one folks.

i also decided that in order to streamline the plot a bit, the glam and sarah plot should end earlier, allowing for the mint eye plot to take center stage instead of being shoehorned in around a larger love triangle plot line. also glam and sarah are annoying and i don’t want to deal with them for six full days. the only downside is we don’t get to see v dunk on sarah at the party :-(

in lieu of a proposal for the necessary Big Romantic Gesture at the party, i thought it would be nice if jumin whisked you away from the party to paris or somewhere far away for a ridiculously extravagant first date literally in the middle of the party. not only is it ridiculously grandiose in and of itself, but in abandoning the party halfway through, it shows that jumin has grown into a more relaxed and spontaneous person through knowing you! he’s ready to throw caution to the wind and have fun with you (plus, Big Romantic Date cg!!)

day 5:

VN mode where we essentially get the exact same scene of chairman han telling jumin he wants him to marry sarah to make the merger with sugar round go more smoothly BUT this time jumin blurts out that he’s already with someone and that he didn’t want to go public with it yet. he assumes his father won’t press further, given that they’ve always had a mutual respect for one another’s privacy, but at glam’s insistence, chairman han says he wants to meet jumin’s partner. oh no!

jumin laments his situation to the rfa, resulting in pretty typical responses. zen laughs, yoosung is sympathetic but also kind of wishes it were just that simple for him to meet a wife. jaehee is worried that the inevitable fallout of this will result in more work for her. everything is business as usual until seven is like “ur so rich why don’t you just pay someone to pretend to date you lolol” and jumin (being, well, jumin) runs with it 100%. because they don’t have time to vet candidates (they’re supposed to have dinner with his dad tomorrow night!) he decides it should be someone he knows, but the majority of the other rfa members are already acquainted with his father via rfa events, making it more likely that he sees through the ruse. mc, however, has never met him, making them the perfect candidate! who would have thought lol

so they decide to move you into the penthouse that evening BUT before that can happen, they have to clear it with v because bomb, hacker, mint eye, etc. (yes this is how i’m choosing to do the bomb reveal lol). bonus, v gets to chide jumin about his dumb lie and we get a fun bff conversation with them!

final VN where you show up to the penthouse and you and jumin establish the parameters of your “relationship”. you decide that you’ll both sleep in his bed, just in case a cleaning staff member walks in and notices that he and his partner sleep separately and it ruins everything. establish what physical contact is and isn’t cool, etc, etc. you also decide that when the time comes, you’re going to tell his dad that the entire debacle with sarah put so much strain on your relationship that you had to break up. the hope being that chairman han will feel so bad about ruining things for jumin that he won’t try to force him into something like that ever again.

days 6-8:

you have dinner with his dad and answer pretty typical “meeting the parrents” questions. he asks what you guys did for your first date and jumin tells a 100% fake story about taking you to dinner on top of the eiffel tower and kissing you beneath the stars and the chairman is satisfied. that doesn’t mean that glam and sarah are though. they decide to do some sleuthing to prove that you guys aren’t really dating.

this is the fun part where we get to hit most of the beats of ur typical fake dating story! you and jumin get to know each other really well, albeit kind of superficially (favorite foods, fun childhood stories, etc. etc. nothing too heavy yet.) you guys cook together for the first time, cue cg of jumin with like... idk tomato sauce on his cheek or something. you watch a movie together and elizabeth falls asleep on your lap and jumin dies on spot idk

this is also where your first kiss happens, and pretty much in the same way except its much more mutual and he doesn’t look at sarah this time because his focus is on trying to make it look like he doesn’t even care that she’s there because you’re the only thing he cares about. (which.... isn’t actually hard for him to do at all)

chatrooms are pretty typical for this timeframe — you guys all know the drill. the other members are like “wow they seem really close” and speculate on whether or not you guys are actually together. zen is worried that jumin is going to force himself on you (wolves, etc.). yoosung is jealous that jumin gets to hang out with you. jaehee is upset that jumin is neglecting his work.

VAGUE mentions of weird activity on the messenger, but nothing too serious sounding. just enough to make jumin nervous -- esp with sarah and glam on his back still. this is when he locks elizabeth up. 

 day 8, the chairman learns that sugar round is worthless and that glam and sarah have been duping him the whole time. they’re disgraced and are never heard from again so... problem solved but this also means that you and jumin no longer have a reason to stay “together”... and you’re both kind of falling for each other so obviously that’s no good. you spend one last night in the penthouse before resolving to break things off officially in the morning. the other members talk about how sad you guys both seem to be parting.

BAD STORY END 1:

if you shy away at the fake intimate gestures (hand holding, hugging, etc), and pointedly answer incorrectly when asked a question about jumin that you should know the answer to, your ruse fails and you guys are caught faking the relationship. to avoid the scandal breaking to the press, jumin winds up marrying sarah anyways.

the branch point for this one would be right before the kiss scene, if you’re on track for the good end then the kiss happens, if not, you’re forced to shove him away when he goes in for it, revealing to sarah that you guys are frauds.

the cg would be him and sarah at the press release for their engagement announcement. sarah’s all smiles and jumin is... pretty understandably miserable looking. a reporter asks him about the other person he was in a relationship with prior to his engagement to sarah, and he reads off a line about how sarah captivated him like no one else ever could in an emotionless voice.

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 1:

if you do fine during the VN portions, but aren’t active enough in the chats, then the fake relationship plan works, but afterwards its just... really awkward. once the whole mint eye thing ends you’re pretty much just excommunicated from the rfa since you... didn’t really seem to like them all that much.

day 9:

a huge attack on the messenger happens, coupled with explicit threats directed at mc, sending everyone into such a panic that ending your fake relationship is the last thing on anyones mind. jumin is so fucking scared that he’s going to lose you, and muses in the chatroom about why he’s more scared for your safety than he would be if it were, say, yoosung being threatened (cue yoosung’s crying emoji lmao). everyone else is like “well clearly its because you’re in love with them”

anyways. they decide its for the best if you continue to stay at the penthouse and in spite of everything, you’re both... kind of relieved lol. 

everything is all fine and dandy until elizabeth III runs away, ramping jumins anxiety up to 11 like... right away

this is where we really start to see behavior more along the lines of what happens in his route, you suggest the two of you leave and search for elizabeth, and he refuses to let you go, etc. etc. 

it sort of turns into a fight, but it all works out in the end. he tells you about rika and elizabeth and why she means so much to him, and you guys talk about how fear of losing someone important to him can’t rule his life, and that its one thing to be careful, but another entirely to try to control someone else’s behavior because of fear. 

you convince him to get some sleep, assuring him that elizabeth will turn up soon and that he’s going to be alright. you guys fall asleep next to eachother without even thinking about it. its not until jumin mentions something about waking up next to you in the chat the next day that the rest of the gang is like “uhhhh,,,, why are you guys still sharing a bed”

MEANWHILE lol seven and yoosung arrive at mint eye and find elizabeth, just like what happens in canon. they decide to bring her back tomorrow.

BAD STORY END 2:

obligatory mint eye ending. if you’re too aggressive and forward with jumin and don’t give him time to properly process his feelings, he doesn’t offer to let you stay at the penthouse, relying on seven’s assurance that the apartment is totally secure (it’s not). saeran breaks in and takes you away.

this branch happens pretty early in the day, before elizabeth escapes.

i thought about a cg for this one but tbh... there are so many saeran and mc at mint eye BE cgs that idk what i could come up with that wouldn’t be super derivative lol

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 2:

again, because you’re only talking to jumin and not the rest of the rfa, he assumes that you don’t like being in the rfa very much BUT he still likes you... a lot and is very worried about your safety re: hacker, AND because he still hasn’t really dealt with his issues regarding v/rika/emotions, you guys decide to just straight up leave lol. you move to a different country where he can pretty much continue doing his work remotely while keeping you safe.

the cg for this one is the two of you in a different cushy apartment somewhere. you’re making dinner while he works. its... stable, but noticeably stiff. neither of you are talking much and his dialogue is pretty stilted. its pretty clear that he regrets abandoning his friends and is unhappy.

day 10:

3AM chat with zen where he speaks entirely in thinly veiled hypotheticals about you guys. (“well, if i thought i could have a shot with someone i really loved, i think i would take that chance and tell them, even if i might get shot down. and even if that person was a huge ass who my sexy white-haired best friend hated. i would tell them how i felt”)

seven secures the messenger again and the threat is declared neutralized! you’re safe to go home but neither you nor jumin want that at all.

yoosung brings elizabeth back around 9, and it proceeds pretty similarly to what happens in his route: he’s wary about taking her back because he feels that he’s mistreated her, you’re like “whoa buddy you’re going too far in the opposite direction here” and you and v have to convince hm that its going to be okay. the only real difference is that v doesnt also have to convince him to let you go. he just says something about how the two of you seem to bring out the best in each other, and that jumin is brighter when you’re around. 

later, jumin (tries) to make you lunch using the cooking skills you taught him a few days ago as a final payment (since you refused actual money) for all of your help, both with his father and with elizabeth, but he winds up ordering in instead. its very cute BUT its super awkward because neither of you has said anything about not wanting to leave.

finally you have to face the music and pack your bags. you hug jumin goodbye and make him promise to still get lunch with you sometime before heading back to rika’s apartment sadly.

everyone is like “yo what the fuck???” and its actually yoosung of all people who is finally like “this is ridiculous. you two clearly have feelings for each other and you need to deal with it” 

jumin is absent from most of the chatrooms for the rest of the day  though, so he doesn’t really see anything until he forces himself to log on later that night and is like “oh”

and YES of course this is going to culminate in a typical romcom scene where he has driver kim race to the apartment so he can pound on the door and apologize to you and tell you how he feels!! maybe it even happens in the rain just to maximize romance. the important thing here is that you finally kiss him for real this time and its perfect.

BAD STORY END 3:

pretty much jumin’s BE2, if you werent assertive enough with him re: his possession/control issues on day 9, he never gets over them. when elizabeth is returned he locks her back up and insists that you continue to stay with him as well, canon BE2 ensues.

i gotta hand it to cheritz. its a really good bad ending and theres not much i wanna change about it. its so scary in a calm sort of way, which i think is the perfect vibe for a dangerously unhealthy jumin. if only people would stop fetishizing it lolol

party (GE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first

date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he then decides that the two of you have been there long enough to fulfill your obligations, and that no one could really begrudge you if you “took off” a little early. you guys fly to paris that night and have that dinner on top of the eiffel tower.

the ending cg isn’t a kiss one, but a more simple, sweet one of the two of you in a dimly lit restaurant, jumin listening to you talk with the most tender, loving look in his eyes.

party (NE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he laments the fact that if he was caught shirking responsibilities to take you on a real date, the press would have a field day with it, but promises to make it up to you, and take you out on a proper one tomorrow.

this cg is the two of you dancing at the rfa party, jumin resting his chin on the top of your head and daydreaming out loud about everything the two of you could do on your real first date.