#anyway idk if anyone cares. i posted this for myself but you guys can look too i guess 🙄😂

[puppys-rhythm-heaven]

i am being so fucking autistic about a video game i've only played an hour and a half of and have absorbed like 99% of my information about through osmosis from my bestie(s. it's complicated) and fanfiction. catastrophic levels of autism. i can't stress this in words i don't think y'all understand. or care honestly sdflkjfdskdfsjsfdkj-

[jaeyooniverse]

230925 Dawon Fancafe Update - "Native Country Class"

I'm reminded of the Miracle of Istanbul. Son(Heungmin) North London Multi-goal celebration meme(.gif) *

Yes Hello! I've come to you as a reviewer after a while!

First, as we had a layover in Turkey, I tried Kaymak which was on my bucket list!

Well if I missed this opportunity, I don't think I would be able to try for another 2~3 years, so I tried really hard to find itㅎㅎ(Funny but not funny)

First! The first place didn't sell kaymak separately, but on top of a local dessert. So it's not the style I wanted but I tried to buy it just to taste it. But, I couldn't pay by card so I wasn't able to eat it. The second place I found is!!

I didn't take this picture

This place! This place is like a buffet, where you can grab the food you want and pay for it, so you can try it!

Getting to the point, I'll show you the pictures first

Yes I took this picture myself

You can try it like this. The bread at the top is Simit which is a Turkish staple you can try. It was chewy and delicious. And the honey is just standard honey(The scent can vary by region or type so I was anticipating a special scent but that wasnt the case!) And, finally, kaymak!! Firstly, the biggest difference between Korea was the texture and mouthfeel.

I could say it breaks down and melts in your mouth without feeling artificial? First I don't know if there is cream or starch added like in Korea but in my opinion it still feels a bit more natural! The bubbly surface was also similar to the local kaymak I saw(bc it's local;)

Bubbles and detailed surface (soz for repeated edits) last lastlast real last *

And I understand why simit and kaymak are the best combination,

The bread isn't too moist? But when kaymak and honey meet, you could say that moisture fills up the less moist grains with creamy milk and honey's gooeyness? Anyway, these are some charming guys!

I've found if I go on a food trip once in my life, I want to come to this country again! Anyway, be happy today too, and think of me just 13 times. Thank you, yes

I think I need to become more familiar with Ayran

*may contain inaccuracies:^)

[arolesbianism]

Alright boys pack it up no more rain world posting new oni dlc is coming out in less than a week

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirits - Zuko x fem!reader (pt.7)

Summary: reactions from team avatar when they find out your ozais assassin

warning: mentions of scars, not very happy gaang, mean katara!, angst

masterlist: here!

most previous part: here! (all other parts can be found in my masterlist!)

authors note! hello!! idk if anyone will be reading this but if you are welcome!! i haven't posted to this series in YEARS so please forgive me as I'm very rusty at writing but please enjoy!

Unified screams erupted upon Appa. “YOU’RE WHAT!”

“Aang what have you done! You literally let a murderer on Appa! She’s going to kill all of us! Katara was right, and I can’t believe I ignored her.”

“I KNEW IT! Quickly Aang, land Appa and let’s get her off!”

Unable to take it anymore, Toph lost her cool. “Can you knuckle heads shut up! I highly doubt that she will kill us, why the hell would she listen to you guys fighting all the time when she could end her misery by taking you out.”

Reality hitting Sokka and Katara, they finally piped down, allowing Toph to continue.

“Look, what you said is highly questionable. I’m not saying that I trust you, but you’re going to have to give us more information than that or else I’ll throw you off myself. Got it?”

You sighed. At least someone in the group had more sense. “Yeah, of course. What would you like to know?”

“Well for starters a name would be great. Oh and maybe, I don’t know, how and why you’re the Fire Lords Assassin?!”

You almost wanted to pull Katara’s braid for the irritating look of satisfaction on her face. “Right okay… well my name is y/n. uhhh and I was forced to become his assassin when he caught me after I broke into the palace three years ago.”

“That’s it?! Nuh uh lady. I know he’s the Fire Lord and had done some awful things but why would he do that to a child?! You’re either lying or somethings still missing.”

There was a lot to weigh up. To suddenly reveal everything about you would be too much and would get you thrown off Appa anyway. Yet to reveal nothing wouldn’t let you gain enough trust to even last a day. Leaving you to share the one thing you knew so little about yourself that you didn’t care if they knew and hopefully enough of a miserable, pitying tale that they’d let you off the hook for the time being.

“My parents aren’t in my life, they never were. I don’t know who they were or why they did it. All I had was my trainer, Zemin. In his time, he was the most notorious Assassin in the entire Fire Nation and when he retired, he never took on any students to carry on his legacy - if you could even call it that. Every other trainer was ecstatic because this meant that their students would earn the most bounties. Until there was me. I don’t know why he took me in… he just said that he found me as in infant and regretfully took me from an islands rocky shore maybe to sell me off somewhere. I suppose he realised he could make even more money from me if he trained me until I could pay off debt for him raising me. I did the one thing assassins could do, kill. All the money I ever earned from each bounty went straight to him. Luckily enough, I learned quickly, and I got to my final payment when I was 13, then he would have set me free.”

Horrified, Aang couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was nothing like this in the Air Temples growing up. “Luckily enough?! How in any universe is that lucky!”

“Most assassins in the Fire Nation, and others, are stuck paying off their guardians or trainers well into their adulthood. Because of… certain tactics and advantages, I became quite popular if you could put it that way and most of the people, I had to take care of were…” Halting, you knew that if you verbally said some lives are worth more than others, Aang would probably go into cardiac arrest.

“Well, some had more people wanting them gone so the bounty was higher.”

“How does this have anything to do with you working for the fire lord! I don’t see why Zemin would let you go if you were doing so much for him.”

Your strength was fading. You hated yourself for how much you scretly enjoyed having people around that weren’t as idealistic as those in the Fire Nation.  “He didn’t. I got an anonymous mission to take out a high general in the palace. So high, that it was going to be enough for me to finish my debt.” After not being met with screams you felt reassured to continue…. they seem to be taking this well…

You took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “On my way out, I got caught in the middle of an Agni Kai. The fire lord wasn’t too pleased I killed one of his generals or interfered with punishing his son. Yet somehow in his psychopathic mind he saw it as an opportunity to pledge my allegiance to him.”

The silence amongst the group was short lived.

“YOU MEAN ZUKO?”

“YOU KILLED SOMEONE.”

“AND YOU ACCEPTED?”

You scrunched your face. Maybe this was a bad idea to tell them. But it was too late to go back. “Yes, it was Prince Zuko in the Agni Kai, that’s how he got his scar. Yes, Aang I did kill the general, but to be fair I haven’t killed anyone since then… And Katara if you were being tortured every day for 8 months, I’m sure you would wear down too.”

The waterbender was unsatisfied with your answer. “Unbelievable! Of course, you did! Everyone has a choice in this world, and you chose the fire lord. You’re nothing but a coward.”

“My life was on the line! You don’t know anything about me.”

“Oh please, y/n. I do. I know everything! Sure, you were raised to assassinate others, but you can’t expect me to believe you didn’t know what you were doing when you were standing before Ozai. I would have stayed in a life of suffering than go with him.” Shaking her head, she pierces you with a disgusted look, “You’re no better than Ozai. No better than Azula.”

As Appa continued to glide through the ever-ending expanse of the sky, it seemed nothing could break the suffocating tension that encompassed everyone upon his saddle.

Toph was the only one to speak up. “Didn’t you hear her Katara? She hasn’t killed anyone since then! She’s surviving. If you ask me… she’s braver than any of us, you never know what could have happened to her if she got caught not actually killing her targets!”

Irritated Katara only grumbled, turning away while leaving the two boys to think about how they felt about you. Despite giving them answers, they still had so many questions.

It was undeniably clear that Katara has made her mind up about you, and you were sure everyone else was the same despite the earth benders attempts at comforting you. Hence, as you sat there across from the four of them, you were the first to break eye contact, turning your head to the side as you searched for something to focus on out there in the sky. Bird, a cloud, anything. You didn’t have the heart, the courage, to argue against what she said.

Unknown to you, Aang shuffled closer to you scared that his angry friend might hear him going towards you. His words only just loud enough to hear above the wind he whispered to you… “Its okay y/n. I don’t really understand what you’ve done or what you’ve been through but when youre ready.. you can tell us.

That was the first time your heart ignited a comforting warmth.

As Appas soft paws skilfully landing on the hard earth, you felt your heart drop inside you. What do I do now? Mind racing through all the possibilities, Toph seemed to have decided what to do before you could even stand.

“Hey! Come with me.”

Jumping off Appas saddle you landed on your feet with such a skilled silence, Toph had to sense your heartbeat to even realise you were next to her. Setting off towards where she’d set up her sleeping area, it was best you stuck closely behind.

“Don’t think about what Katara said, she doesn’t get it.”

“How so?”

Stalling in her tracks, she turned her unseeing gaze towards you. “She doesn’t know what its like to be born into a life that you don’t want. And she definitely doesn’t know how hard it can be trying to escape it.”

Unsure with how to reply, humming in understanding was the best you could come up with.

“Just stick with me and you’ll be fine. I know you most certainly don’t need me, but I’ve got your back.”

The next day had gone by agonizingly slow. With Toph trying to teach Aang earth bending you were left to your own devices since Katara decided to tag along. Although you found yourself tailing Sokka as he went his own way looking for food unaware of your silent giggles seeing him get stuck in the ground.

“...big things eat smaller things. Nothing personal. But this time, it didn’t work out that way…I admit it, you’re cute…”

You decide to finally reveal yourself, tired of your lack of entertainment. “What are you doing down there Sokka?”

Letting out a girl like squeal, he’s horrified at getting caught in this position. “Nothing!”

“You look like you could use some help.”

“I don’t want help from you!” You dismiss it. Surely he has no other choice but to make himself acquainted with you.

“Yeah, right. It’s funny, you’re probably the third person that has ever said that to me. The second in about the span of 48 hours.” you cant help but divert your attention towards the cute animal annoying him. “Aweee look at this cutie!”

“Get away from it!”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because I don’t want you to hurt it!”

“Please, I actually quite like animals. They’re a lot better than humans anyway.”

“I- well… fine! Just go away?”

You scoff, “Why’s that?”

“I don’t like you!”

“Hmm… is that so.”

“Yes, of course it is!”

You’re done feeling sorry for yourself. “Are you sure you don’t like me, or do you feel that way because of your sister?”

“I- well… argh! Fine! I don’t know.”

“Well… why don’t you talk to me and work it out for yourself? If you still dislike me so much I’ll leave you be and get someone to come help.”

A  silence fills the distance between the two of you.

He sighs, caving in, “So.. this Zemin guy. Did he REALLY not give you a choice?”

Looking up, you stare at the clear sky. “I learnt early on in my training that I didn’t have a choice or options in life other than what he wanted. Any exercise I rushed through, half assed, or tried to skip through when he wasn’t looking came with consequences.”

“What kind of consequences?”

“The kind that keeps all of my clothing and bindings on so I don’t constantly get pitiful looks or too many questions.”

He scoffs, “prove it”

Staring at all your layers you sigh, “don’t say I never warned you.”

Peeling off all your layers one by one until your down to just your tank top and pants, you decide to take off your face mask last. Your eyes meeting Sokka’s, you notice him swallow thickly. But its you to break the ice first. “In all fairness, most of them are now from Ozai. The older they look… well I’m sure you can work it out for yourself.”

“b-but-“Fuck why did I have to make him uncomfortable.

Unable to take it any longer, you pull him out from the hole in the ground. “Its fine.”

You turn to walk away after helping him, but he grabs your scarred wrist, the feeling of the textured skin making him internally wince. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you expose yourself like that. Its horrible that you had to experience that… hell we look the same age!”

“Everyone is on different paths. Look, lets just forget about it..”

Sokka feels like he could bust into tears “No! you don’t understand. I’ve seen the effects of the fire nation… hell they took away my mum. I still remember it, sometimes I have weeks where I keep reliving it in my nightmares, only finding peace when im awake. Its like im being haunted. But- but you?! You have to face it whether you’re awake or asleep”.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you can’t handle the intensity of his words. Theres nothing you can do. Nothing you can say. You hug him. You don’t remember the last time you held someone. It feels weird, almost wrong. But as he squeezes you back, tightening the embrace, you understand one thing. You have an understanding with the water tribe boy, despite how dark it may feel.

Hours pass by as you sit with sokka talking about useless topics until the other three join you once more. Feeling weariness in their gaze, you realise you forgot to put your layers back on. Now everyone can see your face and scars.

Only Aang has the courage to speak with you.

“Hey. Uhhh, y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“I just… I’m sorry for not speaking much with you since yesterday. I didn’t mean to, it was just a lot to process personally! Growing up with the Air Nomads, I was taught that killing is wrong and that under no circumstance should that be the answer. If I’m completely honest with you, I still stand by those teachings and to have someone who has… killed… so close to me and the people I care the most about is… unsettling.”

There it was. You knew despite how much he was trying; you knew he wouldn’t be able to see past what you did. What you are.

“I understand. I don’t blame you, or anyone for reacting the way they are, and I know what it feels like to want to protect those who mean something to you.” You glance at Sokka, remembering how he understood.

“Just… please understand that I’ve realised what I did was wrong and while I can’t change everything that I have done, I’m trying to move away from that way of life. I don’t want to be a killer anymore. I’m trying my best to fix it.”

“I know…. Its just-“

“You don’t trust me.”

“What?! NO! I mean…. I don’t know. You clearly have good inside of you but it’s hard to look past.”

“I get it. I’ll head off then, the world needs you Aang and I won’t be the one to stand it your way.”

“No! stop! Please! I know I said it’s hard for me to do, but I clearly see you trying your best. I know you won’t hurt me. I just… I suppose I need to open my eyes more. See you for who you are now, what you’re doing now.”

But what if you can’t? What if I’m still that person, no matter how much I try to shove it away. This is what I have been made to become?

“Okay.”

Letting out a nervous quiet laugh, he glances back to everyone. “okay well… lets eat!”

Zuko stares at the sky in the heavy downpour. “You always through everything you could at me. Well, I can take it. And now I can give it back!”

Lightning cacks in the sky before his eyes.

“Come on!”

“Strike me! You never held back before!”

Met with only the sound of the world around him, he feels helpless. Lost. Alone.

Screaming out, Zuko falls to his knees as the rain and guilt encompasses all of his senses.

His voice scratchy from screaming, he can hardly croak out… “You never held back from her."

taglist: ​​ @mangoberry43​​ @eridanuswave​​ @slythergirlimagines ​​​ @whiskeywinter89​​ @simplyfandomish @khaleesi-of-assassins​ ​ ​ @calciumcow @ilovespideyyy @callums-keith @nnon-it-up @blackhood5sos @chewymoustachio @tiffy119 @reclusive-chicken-nugget @lozzybowe​ @scarletemeterio​​ @simpinforsukka​ ​ ​ @sokkassuki​ @spearbatty @kaylove12

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[fandomstickyy]

Watching A Movie With A Rape Scene

Angst/COMFORT

18++ MDNI

------

CW: mentions of rape, NOTHING GRAPHIC, comfort from these menzes

-----

Au: I'm a bit of a film nerd so I'm always looking for indie/low budget bangers and a few movies I've seen have straight up r#pe scenes! Idk why I terrorize myself. Thought of these scenarios to ease the pain 💀. ANYWAY this post is probably super random but I've seen a lot of wild fics on here so whatever it's not too bad.

It's all fluff!! <3. Take care of yourselves !! Don't read if you're not up for it

--------

Deku

° wants to turn the movie off completely

°is super mad if the scene feels unnecessary to the plot. Really sensitive ab it. Even if it makes sense for the plot he's still mad.

°Rethinks his opinion on the entire movie

° if you don't wanna watch it anymore then he is zooming around to get snacks and put on something cute and/or comforting.

°"you want an extra blanket? We have chocolate you want chocolate??"

°"izuku please sit down, I'm okay."

°very touchy the rest of the night. Almost as if physically apolozing for you having to see that 🥺. Touches are light and needy

Bakugo

° he's REALLY uncomfortable

° I mean it goes to say they all are BUT he seems like the guy to freeze up at first

° mind RACING

°body stiff

° 0-100 instant stress. Just thinking "UGH WTF! I didn't know this shit was in the movie when I picked it out! I hope she knows i didnt know" "👀 damn do I turn it off!? Would that be weird ??" "Is she uncomfortable-"

°he'll blurt smth out about the @ssaulter being a piece of shit or smth.

°he pays a lot of attention to how your reacting to his statement. Wants to make it clear that he would NEVER think that's okay. He can be rough around the edges even sharp at times but he would never cross that boundary w you or anyone else nor does he think that's okay (goes w all of them but I feel bakugo knows he's a little more aggressive than the rest I can see him being a little insecure that anyone would possibly THINK he would sympathies with or do smth so shameful and cruel)

° if he sees you're really affected by the scene, he will pull up every reason that the movie is "actually trash" and that the filmmakers are "demented"

° would turn it off if you're really not feeling the movie anymore

Kirishima

°similar to bakugo there's an instant panic. It's that tense in their muscles, that shift in their eyes to you, to the tv, to you, to the wall.

°there's more hesitation with kirishima because he wants to protect you but doesn't want to treat you like your some kid that can't protect themself

°back and forth, back and forth, back-

°"He- hey baby I don't think your eyes need to see that, right??" Reaching to fast-forward with an awkward laugh which makes you laugh hard

°why this man can't stop stutterin ????

°you adore the way he's so caring about it but the act was just too wholesome not to laugh

°"What?? C-comeon I don't want you to see that. .. it's not beautiful.. and you should only witness things that are beautiful .." (BRUH PLEASE-)

°holds you tight the rest of the movie

°giving small kisses on your head, arms, shoulder

° when the movie is over, just wants to hold you close for a moment in silence

° maybe asks if if you're okay after seeing that even though he fastforwarded through

Denki

°instant reaction

°covers your eyes !!

° "LALALA!! how was your day baby??"

° closes his eyes too!

° he might as well just fast forward or smth, but he kinda just dived over to you before thinking ab it <3.

°yall 100% get caught up in the conversation, hands over your eyes and everything. Maybe he brings up a funny moment when yall were hanging w friends recently or the way the bathroom door looks like it has a face and he's judgey and his name is Willfred the III

°laugh until you snort when yall realize the r#pe scene is over and has BEEN over

°bored w the movie anyway and change it to Shrek

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

This is just me rambling and stuff, and this is the only way i could get out my monty brainrot and a little bit of yves brainworm out of my head, but just ignore it if it's cringe or too insane

I think with the way Yves would take care of me thoroughly and know me so well would unsettle me at times, but ultimately it would probably cement his place as a comforting and caring platonic partner in my head 😭😭 cause i know i would be thinking like "oh! He's so inspiring! I think he's the perfect role model for how i should take care of myself and love the people close to me ^^" <- absolutely missing the point and every romantic gesture i would misunderstand (what lacking romantic experience does to a mf) as something he does with other ppl, even though i would imagine that he's barely seen with anyone else than his darling :'); or maybe he would account for the fact that i misunderstand things? But i have a feeling that he would catch on to the fact that I'm a bit of a blockhead

Imo i think that i would choose Monty over Yves, despite everything that he did for me; maybe because he's done so much for me, i would probably feel immeasurably guilty even if he does say he likes doing it and personally, the power imbalance in both his material and physical qualities as well as the lack of vulnerability would intimidate me 🫠🫠 errr in a way, Monty I love so much because of how loving, protective and accepting he is, he's got characteristics that are close to my type!! (might also be the fact that to some extent, he can be controlled :3); he's endearingly trying his best and flopping a lot, but at least he listens to valid criticism 🥰🥰 he's... Cute... And maybe because of the food too, since receiving and giving food is a big sign of love for me <3 His messiness is a bit of a charm to me, because personally it takes a lot of guts and vulnerability to show someone how messy you are physically and mentally, or well, maybe its pity over the depression mess 😔 One thing i want to know is if he'll ever get immune to his darling's romantic and sexual advances and throw it right back similarly? Or is still gonna be giggling and kicking his feet on the bed over it? And i wonder how his reaction would be towards a darling that starts off meek and quiet, but gets more dominant and pursues him as well? Man, i want this guy pegged <3 And to get him pregnant <3 I want to give him backshots that make him better or worse :3

Anyway, this is also a way of grieving over not choosing Monty over Cyprus 😔 because i read Cyprus first before Monty and i regret picking him for the poll 🤧 but, I'm looking forward to any potential Monty content and how this silly guy locks in or flop <3

Boy oh boy do I have the ask for you

Thanks for the ramble anon it was a good read 👍

Well Yves does act accordingly to your personality. If you are pretty clueless BUT would accept him as your ONLY romantic partner for life, he would be extremely straightforward, cutting to the chase and be clear in what he wants the relationship to be (it was exhibited in Best and Worst of Both worlds)

But if he predicts that you will reject him or eventually cheat on him later in the relationship despite all the measures to stop you from doing so, he will remain platonic. And his prediction model is horrifyingly accurate. Mans will even reject YOU if he knows you can't keep it in your pants 💔

Oh yeah if it's vulnerability you're looking for Yves is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT the man you're looking for homie 😭 he is THE fort knox of mental illness, you can (almost) never catch him lacking and is always locking in while Monty is human

Literally Yves isn't actually human anymore

Here are other pieces of writing that has monty in it, idk if you seen them yet but it was all clumped together with Yves's MASSIVE sections

What makes Monty wanna fuck you (the lower half of this post is just Yves waffles)

Montgomery as a dad (scroll to like half of it to skip Yves's part)

Yves isn't necessarily okay with being only a platonic yandere

[the-s1lly-corner]

gender dysphoria comfort for afab reader x spot?? :p

Spot comforting an AFAB/trans reader

Rubs my autistic little hands (in a cool nonbinary way)

Not gonna specify if reader is a trans man/nonbinary or somewhere in between/else where so!!!

Heavy projection on my end because my dysphoria is kinda. Raging

But also idk how to comfort myself so this is gonna translate into spot bouncing around

It shows so bad that I!! Am bad at outright comfort <\3

Happy pride by the by! Not sure if I said that over here yet

YEEEAAAAAH 4am posting REAL

Right off the bat I wanna make it clear that this man would snag some stuff for you

Of course he does this in general, but hes more than willing to get you things that may help you express yourself

Clothes, are a big one! Need a new wardrobe? Hes already on it! Same applies to other things you may need

On the fence on if he would snag some hormones for you; since he doesnt wanna risk taking them from someone else

Actually ykw

Bros a scientist

Be can probably make his own solutions

Anyways onto the actual

Ask

Admittedly Spot is not the best at comforting others, so his go to is self projection; if that makes sense

Applies what he knows cheers him up to you?? Like venting and physical affection can help him get through rough patches, so he'll try to urge you to vent during a cuddle session

Reinforces that you look handsome; though hes down with calling you anything if that isnt your cup of tea

Hes a scientist, he does research! Listens to every word you say and sucks up any information regarding the topic he can find

Offers some tips on passing, if that's what you need

OOOOOH BRAIN BLAST

You guys have self care days together as is, but you guys tend to have them on days things get rough

Basic.. self care things. Low stress activities, you both go shopping (stealing) (hes wearing s shitty disguise), things like that

He toooootally doesnt target anyone who purposefully gets your pronouns or name wrong! What? What do you mean that rude person lost everything out of no where, y/n? He doesn't know what you're talking about, he doesn't know anything about anyone

Easily your biggest fan and supporter, your personal hypeman

Generally he let's you know that he loves you, and that regardless of how you present youre amazing and valid. He may not know the best way to comfort you all the time, but he's trying his best to hear you out and advocate for you! While he may not be the most... ferocious.. man out there, but he's quite vocal to anyone who dares try to tell you otherwise! Whether you present more feminine, masculine, or androgynous; he'll be right at your side

Also now that I think about it, if he got his hands on the material he'd definitely try to make a way to literally. Just change your sex right there to align with how you feel

If the dude can make a mini collider on his own he can probably make the transgenderinator

[stacycpr]

Important

So, I had this very disappointing matter.

As some of you guys know, I'm the creator of HugleTale (@hugletale-au). It's been created more than 2 years and also the first AU I worked on. Although, I didn't release much more of its story, unless if you have tried to read its fic version on Archive on Our Own and Wattpad.

Yesterday, that evening, (I don't open Discord much anymore other than to lurk around and chat a little or look a bit of my server.)

A member of my server, made an unauthorized revision my AU, HugleTale. Not only just the first chapter, but also the other ones, as I got the read their document file sent in my server. (Take a look at the screenshots at the cut below of this post).

So, what's the matter with this??

As an author/creator, it's really disrespectful and very offensive. It's not something anyone else can just do. NOT VERY TOLERABLE.

Revising someone's work especially without permission from the author, BUT STILL, even so, not all authors would like to revise their own work by somebody. It's ours, authors' responsible for this rather than anyone.

The EFFORTS, WORK, IDEAS, that were put into it can be just, idk, changed by somebody?

All just for no reason in particular because you had to do it?? You were lucky that I'm pathetic enough to cry rather to talk much farther about this. But, I won't let this slide by just forgetting it. It's not something I don't want to happen to others. This is beyond very inappropriate.

What makes it even worse, to assume that the revised version of my AU will be added to their book series. And to think that I won't even be bothered or even care about it??

What would you feel if this happens to you? Should I even feel welcomed for this??

HugleTale is very precious and special to me, my heart. I couldn't help myself to be very disappointed to this person.

As much that my friends tells me that there's more people that loves my AU, my works and the other things I do with drawing and creating...

Something like this, it proves that there's still need more improvement I must do. I'm still not good enough... Instead of being furious, I'm pretty much sad for real. Of course, I just cried like a weak I am.

I'm sorry to conclude it this way for my situation. Although, I still want all of you guys, especially to my other artists and writers that I'm friends/or not, to let you know.

If I'm not that pretty much focused with my schoolworks, I may have time to draw or even write to share with you guys, I've missed it. Anyways, that's all, I'm still very sad about this.

To the one who did this, I know your Tumblr account, but I won't even bother to mention you, rather you read this and hope you learn something. I'm still bit kind enough not to be mad at you, but pretty much you added more disappointment with myself as a creator and as a person.

I took a copy of their revised version of my AU. (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fvgbxFU_WMQjvujQjHKWSNcja2AmPefS0q2PFOQV5Ys/edit?usp=sharing) While here's the original version of my AU. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28524027/chapters/69895557)

[mallowmaenad]

not that anyone cares but I found this anime and its a pretty perfect illustration of how I perceive myself

now I don't mean this in like a "he just like me fr lol" way (well also in that way in some cases I do like to cook for my office lady gf and suffer from depression) but like, I am a schizophrenic therian and I often feel and see myself as a really large fat cat of these proportions albeit with a much fluffier tail, and idk it just feels... nice to be seen and have a show that represents how I feel and who I am in a way a lot of media isn't going to get. and its also like I have a succinct thing I can point at and say "this is what it feels like and looks like from my point of view" cause im sometimes shit at describing my hallucinations. Anyway idk why im posting this i might just delete it I just wanted to show you guys what I look like in real life or something idk

[emleeeeeeeeee]

chaps 500-501 sorry im late guys

okay so first thing even though it might be obvious i feel like vin and taejin have had such a parallel life if that makes sense? like obviously taejin was bought up with everything and anything that he wanted (and taught that everything was his) and we did see at the start that he was decently kind(?) to vin as a child, but only bc he viewed vin as his property. we do see this like attitude start changing as he grows up tho, where he doesnt see the need to treat his 'property' aka other ppl well anymore (rip sujin) and really just takes what he wants from them. he also really just wants everything to be his at this point, as seen when he's like excited at his father's death bc it means that he has more power. so vin has obviously had like a very traumatic childhood, but somehow vin and taejins lives still seem very in parallel

especially in that scene bc its like showing their attachment(idk how else to describe it) to cheonliang, but for starkly different reasons. wait more like how they're both fighting for cheonliang, but while vin(and the other ppl sry idk what theyre called) are fighting purely for the memory of sujin and seongji(rip), taejin is fighting so that he can claim it as his AS SEEN WHEN THE LITTLE BITCH SHOWS UP WHEN THEYRE DECIDING THE LEADER.

OMG THE DISRESPECT I CANT. I WANT TO PUT HIM INTO A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER. (writing this i have to keep reminding myself that the way he acts is a result of his upbringing BUT STILL DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS RIUGSDFHJKNXMCSDFJKX)

YES VIN I SUPPORT YOU PULL THAT BITCH APART

okay ive literally never hated goo more than in this moment. like yes i knew he was a fucking psychopath that didnt care abt anyone other than himself but ykkkkkkk i was hoping it wouldnt apply to characters that i cared abt??(this is how im going to get into a toxic relationship and end up on a true crime podcast)

behold the queen herself mary kim. also possibly the best female character ptj has written imo (maybe zoe as well)

OMG THE TANGHULU BOUQUET ISTG ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL MAKE TANGHULU THEN MAKE A BOUQUET AND GIVE SEONGJI A FUNERAL (help i think im getting too obsessed i have work to do and im here doing this)

OUR FRESHLY GLOWED UP MC IS BACKKKK. i honestly cant tell if its his new or old body at this point someone pls tell me its not just me

thats a bit interesting. i still think that goo is going to be the one to die (but im not as attached to him anymore cuz otherwise taejin would be dead IF NOT FOR HIM) but gun definitely looks kinda depressed in this frame after the whole yk chaps 479-480 soooo idk whats gonna happen. even tho chap 502 is out im just gonna finish my work first and get back to you guys. but cheonliang arc finally ended!!!! and now we hopefully get to see jake kims brother who is like fiiinnneeeee (and a cannibal but whatever im colourblind i dont see red flags)lmao i love how this post just started with like an essay opening and dissolved into shitposting. anyways love you guys prob gonna post again sooooonnnn <33333

[silveve]

Ok so about the white washing Steve posts that are going around

I’m gonna be honest, Minecraft Steve is probably white* (crowd boos)

He was made by a white guy and is well within the range of white skin tones, like I’m pretty sure the guy just has a tan.

Anyway this could be coming from a place of ignorance** but I don’t think it’s super important that Movie Steve be the exact same skin tone as Minecraft Steve, like I think they’ve just gone “welp, Steve is white, Jack black is white, that’ll do.”

The reason I bring this up at all (because normally I would not care) is because a little bit ago the same thing was happening with Bdubs’ model in the Minecraft launcher when they released the hermitcraft S9 world download and people then were getting actually worked up about that to the point where Bdubs saw it and said on Impulse’s stream that it surprised him because he viewed himself as white and that he just had a tan (unfortunately I don’t remember the exact phrasing and have no idea which VOD it was, maybe when they were working on the city together).

And something is just really niggling at me about this stuff now after that happened, but I’m not an expert so I’m not great at articulating or even really identifying why it’s niggling, but I’m thinking it might be one or both of the following:

1- People may be using the term ‘whitewashing’ a little too loosely, I saw someone say the sheep had been whitewashed, and I think we maybe should be careful not to erode the term.

2- I’m kind of getting the impression that there’s a couple of people out there that are looking at skin that is anything other than the pastiest of pales and going ‘that’s not white’. And like, there are definitely some white people with darker tans than the skin tone of some POC, because humans are diverse and there is of course going to be a bit of overlap. And this is the part that I’m having trouble with because it definitely feels off but I can’t seem to really put it into words why it’s off***

And just for the record and without going into a whole discussion about how whiteness is actually a lot more complex than just skin tone (someone could write a whole other post about how culture and ethnicity and religion and facial features and body proportions and all sorts of things effect how ‘white’ someone is perceived as. not me though I don’t know enough) I do acknowledge that it is possible to whitewash a white person, I’m just not 100% sure that that’s what’s happening in this particular instance.

Having said all that I will continue to reblog these posts because in this instance I’m pretty sure they’re harmless and they would definitely piss off Notch if he saw them.

*ultimately he is blocks so interpret him however you want actually, I’m not the arbitrator of skin and neither is anyone else.

**I’m white so I could very well be making an idiot of myself, do tell me if so, or throw bricks at me, whatever works.

***IDK maybe someone who knows more than me can explain why it’s not great, or they can tell me why I’m wrong, or this post will get 2 notes total and I will learn nothing.

[nerves-nebula]

I saw a post where someone is like "I'm making my entire caste women", and someone added "I'm going in the other direction cause I'm gay and trans masc" and someone added sarcastically that addition "wow an all male caste, how ground breaking" and I get the point of that last addition, and maybe I'm looking at it wrong the way, but I read that first addition as an all trans masc cast, and when have you ever seen an all trans masc cast?

I felt similair emotions when I saw someone implying that headcanon female characters as trans masc is taking away representation.

Like I get the scarcity of important female characters in popular media but I feel they're better represented than trans mascs you know?

Like am I onto nothing with this one?? Like I feel like im over reacting but it feels like people act like trans mascs such as myself are somehow on the same level as cis men. And like no ill to cis men but like we're not? We don't have the same privileges, which includes representations in media. There's a lot of guys in media but not a lot of trans guys you know?

dontttt send me asks like this in the future please. i am not interested in talking about this stuff with anyone except my friends.

i have my own opinions and also saw follow up posts by the person who made that specific addition, which clarified things, but i also don't super care because it is a one off post involving like 4 people who i do not know nor care about personally.

I also don't believe anything worthwhile can be gained by attempting to have a conversation like this over individual blog posts and asks and reblogs because everyone will only be responding to what they specifically saw and therefore we'll all be having vastly different conversations. kind of just multiplying the difficulty of normal human miscommunication tenfold.

the internet is not conducive to nuanced or good faith discussions. and i am nothing if not extremely conflict avoidant so. don't bring this shit to my door.

i will say tho that you should prolly take a step back and either talk to this with someone you care about and who cares about you (rather than publicly ask an internet stranger for their opinion on it) so that you can have like. a real conversation about how it and all the other stuff you mentioned here made you feel and why that might be and whatever else you want etc etc etc

and ALSO recognize that this is not a personal slight against you. there is a long standing history of people looking at posts and going "this post is just like me, if you change the core aspects of it" which many people find very annoying, regardless of intent. which is how i read that post.

I try to give grace with that kind of thing (annoying additions) cuz idk how old everyone else is here and i generally just assume its like. overexcited children for the most part. that's definitely not always the case but it's better to treat it like it is and move on cuz idc. like whatever. i have better things to do than attempt to dunk on random people for an annoying but generally harmless social blunders.

but most importantly NEVER ASK MY OPINION ON ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. Please. i don't enjoy it.

also like what if I hadn't seen the post you were talking about?? i'd probably say "Idk what you're talking about" like. anyway i have homework to get to so, good luck with all that

[wyvernscales]

Rather than make a post for each of my DATV thoughts, I’ve just put them all here. Spoilers for all of act 1:

Not Varric fulfilling the Duncan role this game

Why only Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain tho? Why aren’t they all out

Strife!!! He doesn’t like me :(

FREAK DARKSPAWN ARE BACK BAYBEEE

Would smash the nadas dirthalen

Well D’Meta’s crossing was gross.

Why is there a human mayor of a town in Arlathan and why does he care about Ghilannain?

A Morrigan intro that doesn’t have her saying “well, well”????????

VALTA!HARDING

Bbg I’m so confused by the crossroads I don’t like these mapsssss

TEIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Faceless horde of identical qunari occupying a city? How original.

Caterina’s kind of a gilf ngl

Underwater level uwu

Spite’s kinda…

No! Another gilf down :(

oh? Is the oracle the same thing that valta heard???

Yeah, yeah, dangerous relics or whatever. I’ve got kitties to pet and pottery to eviscerate

LuCANIS! All this talk of coffee kisses in front of your cousin??

Why is the Butcher called the Butcher if he’s the leader of the Antaam?

Why would the qamekmaster call them human traitors if all non-qunari are bas?

You can’t seriously make me believe the Crows are a moral group fighting for justice

Governor Ivenci only referred to with gender neutral pronouns. Another nb win

And Why would the Venatori be knowingly working with elven gods??

MAEVARIS MAEVARIS MAEVARIS

I don’t care how long I have to go running around killing darkspawn to get the chest in the creepy blight tree, I’m GETTING the chest

Worth it.

Idk, I’ve always imagined the Anderfels as snowy not… cactusy

Antoine is perhaps the most French man to exist ever. Not even Orlesian, French.

Hold on, I’ve gotta explode this cactus with my body

Gloom Howler’s kinda hot

Jesus FUCK this blighted dragon

Noticing a suspicious lack of anyone responding to Varric’s existence….

MYRNAAAAAA

TAAAAASH

When Harding talks about the inquisition all I can think about is the inconsistencies? Like, why would she remember Cole if he left or remained a spirit?

EEMMRICHHHHHH

I’ve only known this wisp for one second and if anything bad happens to it I will kill everyone and then myself

Em has canon father energy

LEMME AT THESE fucking CHESTS IN THE NECROTORIUM

MANFREDDSD

Ykw. Vorgoth can get it too

BELOVED Taash feeds the birdies

Karash has non binary swag

Wait wait. If Taash’s mom left the Qun bc she didn’t want her child to be in the Antaam, which would make them functionally a man then why is she ok with Taash being a warrior anyway? Seems odd to do this kinda plot with a group we’ve already established transness with

You can’t seriously think I’m gonna save the capital of the slave empire.

Davrin is dadcore

FORMLESS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

A BELOVED wisp has gifted me a SPOON!

Astrolabe Restored

Well. Goodnight shadow dragons I guess.

candle hops are such cuties

My inquisitior would not behave like this.

So Aveline’s the Viscount and she’s allied with Sebastian, a guy who tried to annex Kirkwall in my worldstate

I kinda wanna play “Inquisitor saves Southern Thedas 2 Electric Boogaloo” if I’m being honest

I already collected all the wolfs regrets before meeting Inky. So. Yeah. That was a lot.

SO FLEMETH IS DEAD FRFR?????

How come the other gods are crazy looking and Mythal is just a normal elf

Oh this echo in the well thing is gonna be cool

Truly don’t know how much of these blight sound effects I can take tbh

ARE WE GOIN TO KAL SHAROK BAYBEE???

The Kal-Sharok armor kinda reminds me of the Sha-Brytol

The Valdasine Thaig is the primeval Thaig in 2 btw

VALTAAAAA

Ugh. I’ve always hated the ‘the old gods are related to the evanuris’ thing (tho I guess it’s not a theory). But we all thought Elgar’nan was Dumat tho right?

And if you can kill the Gods with the lyrium dagger, why didn’t he just do that? Like, we’ve already established that killing them with the dagger just fragments them.

I get that the fate of weisshaupt and all the wardens is important or whatever, but I’ve got chests to open beybee

Yeah bc it’s super easy to just off an Archdemon. what do you mean davrin’s killing it….

Well now killing an archdemon while it’s all tied down’s a bit unfair

Oh.

God that archdemon fight sucked.

[icedmetaltea]

Talking about stuff

Really contemplating leaving tumblr for another site in the near future... does anyone know a good substitute? Like, on one hand I love this site, but on the other hand man. I've been getting way less notes lately. I can't help but feel like it's my fault, that either I've been posting too much and am annoying people or my art/writing has gotten worse. Same issue with ao3 so leaning on the latter possibility.

I know it's selfish, but it's not like I'm the only one who feels this way. Lots of artists and writers have been complaining about the discrepancy between likes/reblogs. No matter how many followers I've gotten over the years, the success of any piece of art/writing will depend on who reblogs it and when, and how many reblogs it gets in general. If it doesn't get enough it quickly gets swept under the rug like it never existed.

A single piece of art or writing can equate to many hours of work on my part, and if it's barely seen it's like... why bother.

I know it's selfish, I know there are still people who reblog and comment and everything, and truly I appreciate it, more than anyone could ever know.

But I also just feel like an annoying failure who never stops talking and that people would prefer if I was gone. So they can look forward to seeing stuff from the real artists, the real writers, the people who actually have talent.

I want to be someone people see and are able to feel happier as a result... right now I just feel like a burden to not only everyone in my life (hence why I've been distracting myself by drowning myself in art lately) but also you guys.

I know I'm not just a source of entertainment, I know I shouldn't care so damned much about what others think, and again I know I sound really fucking selfish to worry about all this, but it's been eating at me so much lately.

So I see a couple options.

Take time away and let the water run clear so to speak then abuse the fuck out of the queue so I stop mass reblogging (a nasty habit of mine, surely annoying to many)

Move to a different site, if there are any where I won't feel like such a speck. Idk. Maybe I'll feel like that everywhere.

I guess I could rectify that side blog idea I had a while back so asks, headcanons, doodles, non-fnaf posts and whatnot, just keep this up for main art/writing. Kinda leaning toward that rn. Less spam, less annoyance.

Just disappear for good. Delete it all. It's been a thought in the back of my head for a long time anyway. Start new somewhere else. Or just draw/write for myself. I also don't want to make any rash choices atm cause I know the past 3 months have been hell and I'm not thinking clearly. I've been depressed as fuck and I may regret choices I make right now. But what if I don't? Maybe I'll be better for it idk

[malocclusive]

big ol baby trans ramble under the cut

Watching some analysis of Beastars/Animal Complex being queer in the background of crocheting and keeping tipsy, and just loving being trans. (If anyone came here from tags, thank you. I'm also 33 next month so like... Not a later life trans dude, but later than the average online it seems)

Never feel trans enough, since I'm not punished for it (How fucking sad is that/I know how bad gender affirming care sourcing can be and mine was a breeze aside from the fact that it's been almost 2 months of me waiting for top surgery dates. I can't get over the fact my insurance will pay for this, and I know I couldn't have even thought of it before transferring to high school, and it's sad it took 20 years of me crushing any thoughts of being nonbinary/male before I was so at the end of my rope that I was even searching to see if I could get top surgery through my insurance) despite that being an ABSOLUTE LUXURY on my end, and my spinelessness in affirming myself in situations with friends of friends and in the workplace.

Most of my students have been super on board, but every time I get new kids transferred in (constantly) I'll introduce myself as "mx." and kind of.... leave it at that. I have a sticker that says "Hello I'm Mx. _____ they/them" on my laptop w the trans flag, but man. Even in my super liberal school, it's... not something I want to harp on, honestly.

The kids (and adults, but mostly kids) who get it, get it. Those who don't, I'd LOVE to be a little more insistent on it, but I also don't want to come off as the "badgering queer". You never know if they just haven't caught on, or if their homelife is massively queerphobic.

I'm extremely lucky that my husband hasn't really felt any animosity or lack of feelings towards me, far as I know. My one coworker left her husband after she came out as trans. This was a long time ago, but still. The AFAB NB and Trans groups I'm on are constantly posting about how their partners stopped loving them or left them. Also, I definitely live with monogamous demisexual privilege. I have 0 want or need for a relationship outside of my husband, and if he never asked me out 23 years ago, I'd probably still be single. I'm more than enough fun for myself.

I desperately want more queer folks to chill with within a short drive, but I'm too scared to post anything on the local facebook groups or nextdoor. I haven't even come out to any of my neighbors except for 2, but I genuinely think the group I used to drink with moved front yards down the street because I kept calling the main guy out on being transphobic and probing the virulent toxic masculinity in the group.

Was off my ass new year's at like 2 am while they were still partying, and while I brought an entire platter of shit for s'mores and some beers and entertained the kids (I was shockingly less off my ass than their folks, so I was fixing yoyos and showing them how to spin em) I called these two dudes out for their homophobic antics, more or less.

At least I THINK that's what happened? I got up the next day at like noon and only had a text that said "wow" from my favorite (genuinely good dude, only one in the culdesac) and that's kinda what I can piece together from being wasted.

Anyways, I love being a gay trans dude, but know it's all theory for a very, very long time. The more I research going on T, the more I love the idea. I thought I'd be fine with just top surgery, but man. I'd love to "pass" some day. Or at least be confusing enough that folks aren't sure how to address me. Maybe that's just because I'm extremely femme looking, 5' tall, and ridiculously hourglass shaped. I still got called "sir" a lot working at trader joe's in college, but even at my lightest I was still super curvy, just less all around. So maybe it's not all body and voice, idk. I wish I could harness that energy, because my personality is no less bombastic now than it was then.

I just feel like a fraud because I haven't faced persecution outside of folks just ignoring my identity. That's par for the course. When I was even firmly cis, I'd get folks correcting me if I said I was the "King of _____". Bro, it wasn't an accident. It's dumb to say "I'm not trans because people don't want me dead", but that's an extremely real reality for a majority of folks. Also transmasc folks/trans men seem far fewer/prevalent than trans women. I don't know what I should be doing, haha. Plus there's a lot of "dress up" vibes folks attribute to AFAB NBs so who fucking knows

Idk, I think I just want some validation. Not persecution, but I'm sure everyone who identifies as trans or nonbinary goes through this same thing at some point, and I've only been OUT for like 2 months. I'm also not the kind of person to take a stand for myself since I can pretty much weather anything. I'm also way more into the subtle approach on things, so I'll slide in bits and bobs and eventually another person will hopefully put those subconscious pieces together and realize they were wrong. You can't yell at someone and have them change, but you can be a listening ear for when they start questioning their own beliefs. That's my gay agenda and how I'm indoctrinating kids at work. Being very queer (They clocked me by like week 2 on an iykyk basis, and though I'm in my little hidey hole, the LGBTQ summit had kids telling me "yeah, this person I knew was like "Do you wanna be like THAT TEACHER? Because you'll end up like that."" Which I still don't know what that means, but it was something an out trans boy was told by their friend so. Here we are, lol.) but supportive of all kids regardless, and calling things out when I hear it/correcting misinformation.

I posted earlier about a student who came out to me as intersex like week 2 of my career at my high school. "Your hair, your glasses, your stickers, and personality, I just knew I could tell you.". He was going for some surgery and would be out a bit, and said he wanted to tell me why. He also told me he got stopped on the way to the SINGULAR gender neutral bathroom by security, because his pass was for the upper level and the only GN bathroom was on the ground floor. I love how I was gonna say I raised hell, but nah, I politely went to security and explained the situation, told him to have security talk to me if they had a problem, escorted him the next time I was free and he needed to go, and brought it up with the LGBTQ committee, which the principal is on (AND RECEPTIVE)

Idk. I'm just trying to lead by example. I know I'm in baby trans territory, and there's so much discourse and so many issues I'm not in because I keep to myself. For a terminal extrovert, I really don't involve myself outside of like... the 2nd degree of separation. Keeps me safe and I can control what I can ACTUALLY control, but I also feel like I'm not doing things right, in a way. Never had much support from my folks growing up, and while my Gramma was my lifeline, this is out of her depth. My cousin and her husband are both trans, so I'm the 3rd in the crew, but they're still... Somehow confused on it lol.

I told my mom(via text, the only useful way tbh), and she made it about her after saying "okie dokie" and how her bestie shouldn't have a kid with her boyfriend (husband?) and that my mom wishes she could have a kid with her(????????? the whole thing is confusing, my mom's friend is her surrogate for me since my mom genuinely is a diagnosed narcissist who won't do anything to better or repair her relationships (esp from her deep addiction days) and her response was vague enough that it also sounded like she wanted me to get her pregnant.... So confusing shit all around). I haven't told my dad (lives like a 13 hour drive from me) and probably won't til I at least heal from top surgery, if at all. Still just not telling my inlaws, but they're former Korean Unification Church members, and my FIL genuinely thinks women shouldn't be cannon fodder in the military because of their weakness.

Been a hoot with the staff at my school (mostly office, who I goss with and hang out with when I pass through and on planning periods) telling me how extremely femme I am. Hon, I'm the one folks come to for wd40 before maintenance, and I'm only a carabiner away from dressing like a stereotypical butch.

My queerest teammate said "It's the tits" which killed me. I can't wait to slough off a pair of 30FFs, fucking christ. I bet when I sit up for the first time I'll throw myself into orbit due to the lack of weight.

idk where I was going here, but I got a lot of crochet to do.

Anyways, I can't tell you how much I light up whenever I hear my husband call me his husband. Or by my name I'm still waiting on the paperwork on. Or they/he. Anyone, really, but it means so much to hear it from my favorite person. It's hard to think of what third person honorific to say when talking to the cats, though. I hate "wife" memes bc when they're about folks' goofy feral wives I'm "that's me fr" but most are written by and for straight couples, and there's definitely a double standard there. Dumpster diving? Hah, your wife is so quirky and goofy! OH YOUR HUSBAND CAN'T PROVIDE.

Hon, they're folks, let em be. I love a chaos gremlin-stoic responsible couple, but we don't need to gender it.