#anyway i'm glad she has a therapist and i hope she's doing okay

[dxcinhx]

jasmin is speaking facts on her ig story rn

[creekfiend]

a lot of what i've read in your antipsych posts is also stuff my therapist straight up said about psych institutions when i was approaching a mental breaking point a few years ago. when it became clear how Bad i was doing, she was like "okay we need to find any interventions to get you to a point where you don't end up in a psych ward, bc even if they're acutely lifesaving, people invariably leave with more trauma than they went in with. they should be avoided." like this is a thing that ppl working in the space know about, even if most won't say it as clearly as she did.

i get the instinctual reaction towards the term antipsych, especially if you're someone who has had to deal with the crunchy tiktok/insta types who will tell you that all psychiatric medication is poison, but the posts in your tag are very clearly not about that. i actually rly appreciate getting to see the arguments for antipsych written out so clearly bc they articulate something i have personally felt for a while, which is that the people i care about who were institutionalized were not actually helped by that, bc the reasons they ended up there were straightforwardly related to external pressures and problems that didn't magically go away while they were in the psych ward.

anyways. i appreciate your existence. pls know that your posts have helped some people learn more. hope you and your excellent dogs have a good day/week/month/year.

that sounds like a good therapist. I also managed to find a therapist who is broadly antipsych and much of the work she does for me is like, physically placing her body and her respectability as a professional between me and institutions that might do me harm. it's really encouraging that more people are starting to approach it that way. I'm glad you found a good one!!! thank you for your message

[notnights]

Out of all the mean shit I've gotten for my ribbuns (and I admit it's expected to an extent I am after all purposely depicting this in a way that should disturb you, but man some comments get MEAN) there has only been maybe 2, or 3 that basically sum up to "I went through something like this, and seeing my favorite character go through the same thing makes me feel less alone."

And honestly that kind of makes it worth it. I can get 60 mean comments but if there's one that makes reference to feeling seen and heard, then that's kind of worth it.

I had--have someone who still loves me a lot. Till this very day, every day she tells me she loves me so much. It took me years to figure out that doesn't make everything she put me through right, or forgivable. So there's a certain cathartic aspect in some of what I make. While not the exact same scenarios, it helps. Can't explain in detail why, would just bore, and it's too personal anyways.

Why I constantly joke about "my therapist says toxic ribbun is good for me." Art therapy all that jazz.

Anyways, I don't really know why I'm posting this. Awhile back someone left a comment on one of my "toxic ribbun" pieces, that has probably since been deleted because I can't find it again, but one point they said in it, "I feel seen in this." Hope who ever said that is doing alright out there and life takes it easy on you.

I think about that comment a lot. For a lot of different reasons, I hope they're okay out there. But it reminded me the value in all sorts of different stories. Different portrayals. And how it can make us feel less alone. I've always liked making sad stories, I feel guilty for writing so many sad stories, I think about how awful the stuff I went through made me feel, why am I putting my favorite characters through that. I don't know, but it helps apparently somehow. I guess I'm glad it's helped others too. Maybe one day I'll be in a place where I can make happier stories but right now these are what I want to tell and I'm just glad what I'm telling now maybe still has value in some way, even if it's just one or two people.

Then there are also some people who say things like "this is me fr" and I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT IS THIS SOMETHING YOU TOO WENT THROUGH AND ARE JUST VOICING IT IN A COMEDIC MANNER BECAUSE IT HELPS ? ARE YOU JUST JOKING? ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW?! ARE YOU OKAY??? DO WE NEED TO FIND HELP FOR YOU PLEASE FIND PEOPLE YOU TRUST TO HELP YOU PLEASE BE OKAY OH GOD. I'M TYPING IN CAPS TO MAKE THIS A LITTLE MORE COMEDIC BUT GENUINELY I HOPE ALL OF YOU ARE OKAY OUT THERE

[tia-amorosa]

Episode 38: New Directions

After Peter had taken enough time for Michael, he went outside and was a little surprised to see Ethan standing next to Holly. He'd come straight to the hospital after work. “Well, now the only question is, do I wear a suit or a gown?"/ ‘ahaha, no gown please’, Michael had to laugh. “Hey, what's going on here?”.

Peter looked at the two of them with raised eyebrows and a slight smile “well, when Micha has recovered, there'll probably be a wedding soon…”/ “WHAT? does that mean you…?” Michael still had to laugh a little at the idea of seeing Peter in a gown. Which was, of course, completely absurd. “Yes, I asked him, well, indirectly…", he said then. ‘Wow, congratulations!’.

After Ethan and Holly had received the great news, Peter turned his attention back to Michael. “Do you know how long you have to stay here?"/ ‘Two to three days, you said.’/ ”OK. I'll go home now and let the others know, OK? “/ “I don't know if I can stand it here that long without a TV.”/ “How about a radio?”.

“Well, for once… I hope the food here doesn't taste so shitty"/ ”hn, don't worry, the quality has improved in the meantime. And when you're back home, you'll do the therapy, okay? You promised me"/ ‘yes, I will’/ ”good. By the way, your phone is charged, call me if you need anything. I'll come back tomorrow and bring you some fresh clothes"/ ‘O.k.’. The two of them kissed again and then Peter made sure that one of the nurses at least gave Michael a radio in his room. Anyone who has ever been in hospital knows how terribly boring it can be to spend the whole day in such a barren room.

By now it was after 6 p.m. when Peter and the others left the hospital building. He had been here for over nine hours, with the exception of the lunch break, which he spent with Holly. “I'm sure you're glad everything's okay with him now, aren't you?"/ ‘hh, definitely. ho-man…’/ ‘hnhn, and you're engaged now too, too bad, just without a ring’/ ‘won't the wedding ring be enough later?’/ ‘Sure…’..

“These little things are only symbolic anyway, believe me, your word weighs more. I'm happy for you"/ ”I… I've often thought about asking him too, but finding the right time is sometimes quite difficult. Well, now he's taken it off me, hnhn"/ ‘hn. and are you going to wear a WeddingGown?’/ ”Forget it, luckily neither of us is like that. Other gays seem to like wearing women's clothes… I can't stand it…”.

“I want to go home now and get into my bed… Our bed. It's the first time in a long time that I've slept alone again…"/ ‘hnhn, you'll survive it and so will he. and if he goes through with his therapy and gets it over with, then you'll have a great wedding’/ … On the drive home, Peter had a lot of thoughts running through his head. Above all, what his and Michael wedding might look like. He had a nice idea of seeing him in a white suit. Would it really turn out like that? Only time will tell.

For the next three days, the other side of the bed remained untouched. Michael recovered relatively quickly in hospital. His vital signs also improved steadily. Once he was back home, the therapy soon began. He had to see the well-qualified therapist twice a week. It took a while before he was able to talk to her openly and freely about what happened in Sunset Valley and what was bothering him afterwards…

Friends and family were informed on the same evening of the day of the operation how Michael was doing and what other events would take place in the future. Most of them were more than happy. Only Liane thought it was almost a little rushed. But whenever Peter talked about Michael, she quickly realized that he had become a big part of his life. But they wanted to wait a little longer before the wedding.

We now leave Bridgewood for a while to see how the other residents of Sunset Valley have fared in the meantime. Michael will work on himself and improve his physical condition. Lisa will hopefully have found a job she likes by the time we get back. And who knows what else will happen. Nero, at least, turns his nights into days - just like a cat.

----------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover , @solorisims , @honeywinesims 😊

NOTE: It will take a little longer for new episodes to arrive, as we're moving to a new location, and not all households are ready to be shown again yet. Sims need to be edited, and their new houses need to be freshly furnished… This takes some time. So stay tuned for what happens next. 😊🙂

[one-strugling-bean]

So.

I finished the 4th season (MAG #160)

......I'm unwell

(part 3 of my Magnus Archives experience)

Ahhhhh where do i even start???? Ok, ok I think I'll start with the lesser things

First off, right off the bat, RIP Tim. More than ever, now I know he didn't have to die and I am so so sad he did..... Flirty boi deserved so much better u^u

Martin collected many moments of badassery throughout the 3rd and 4th seasons. Im so proud of his growth. Not him burning statements and snipping back at Elias - ahhhhhh he was so coooool, I wish someone else was there so that they could tell him! And when he made Fairchild sit back down to finish answering Martin's questions, I swear I got chills!!

Anyway. I continue being a fierce Martin fan, nothing new there

What is new is my newfound adoration for Daisy. Seriously. She's my baby now. Idc what happens or who dies, she needs to end this story okay :'))))

No, im 200% serious, if Daisy doesn't survive to the end, im def going to cry. Because i can totally see her being the "sacrifice herself so that everyone else will have a chance" type.

I swear she was the only one holding the brain cell power this season –  and FINALLY, someone who's not Martin is not being a bitch to Jon!!!

I wasn’t even expecting Jon to be able to bring her back. Much less for them to become supportive avatar besties! I’m so glad the writer decided to take that turn with her. It’s really satisfying from a narrative standpoint to have Daisy of all people do a whole 180 on her standpoint with Jon.

Idk, i just really liked her this season. She deserves all the hugs. So she gets a meme :)

Basira, on the other hand, fell a bit for me, but i think that was kind of the point. She was fierce and stony and nearly zero compassionate, – very Gertrude-ish of her –  but after everything that’s happened, i can't really blame her :/

Im just here praying to everything that the cop ladies can get a modicum of a happy ending

And just so I round up the gang, im scared for Melanie... She is now blind and also has (had?) a monster as a therapist. And Georgie doesn't feel fear which makes them even less likely to sense danger if it comes for them. I hope they're able to push through whatever season 5 throws at them

Okay. So only Jon is lef now. What can i say about him tho?? I mean, i can say he's been going through it.

Like, I spent my whole time hearing this podcast lowkey making fun of him for collecting beatdowns from pretty much every character - AND IT TURNS OUT IT WASN’T EXACTLY JOKING MATTER AND WAS ACTUALLY PLOT RELEVANT??

WHAT IS THIS SORCERY AND WHY IS IT MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR VOICES ON MY PHONE??

I just feel so bad for Jon. The guy did not deserve all of this. He really was a lamb to the slaughter—a poor wet cat, an eternal damsel in distress, the Antichrist…?

That last statement from Elias/Jonah is so good tho. Like, objectively. I love it. Not only does it take the listener in a nice little trip down memory lane - nostalgia is always fun - but its also just. So evil.

They really gave us such a sweet start – Martin and Jon bunking together in a cabin in Scotland(?) seemingly happy and it's all "uwu, they sho cute, yada yada- and then BAM!! APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN!"

(i could literally be here for hours coming up with titles for Jon. he makes it too easy.)

Elias though...... I was spoiled that he was Jonah Magnus halfway through season 2 or so, so the reveal wasn't a big deal for me. I wonder how shattering it was for listeners when it first dropped though... At least he upped his villainy cred this season. Suits him better than the "unbothered neutral/evil stand-by" vibe he gave before.

And one last character thing, I fell in love with Peter so quickly. His lines were all gold and his delivery even more so. He just had that unflappable vibe to him. Like he didnt have a care in the world.

Oh, and him and Elias totally had ex-wives who spent the last 10 years fighting about who gets what in the divorce energy.

No, i will not elaborate.

Uhhhhh yeah. I grew to appreciate Helen more and more every time they showed up. Simon Fairchild was surprisingly fun for an old man, Gerry deserved the freaking world (thank you so much Jon for burning that page) and i think that’s kinda it on my favorite “creatures and associates”

Im super excited for this last stretch. i wonder if TMA will stick the landing. I sure hope it does, and honestly trust it will.

Anywayyyyyy, off i go for those last 40 episodes. Wish me luck!

Finish testimony, or whatever

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon(ish) Advice Asks - May 9

@ameliatheperson , @teasiswriter , hair anon, 100% anon, personal anon, folklore anon, therapist anon

@ameliatheperson

hi cas! this a bit of a vent/advice maybe? im not using anin bc I've talked about this on this acc anyway, but I just don't know what to do about this.

so I have severe scoliosis, right bordering the surgical threshold. it gets x rayed about every 6-9 months, since it's pretty likely to get worse as I become an adult. this should be fine, it's my reality. the only thing is that my back has been hurting a lot more than normal this past week, in the way that it did when my curve worsened after I stopped wearing my brace. I'm really anxious about it, because if I need surgery, it will ruin my entire senior year of highschool, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it from worsening and I can't even know whether it has gotten worse until August.

I know I shouldn't worry about things out of my control, but I just need to talk to someone about it. the thing is I hate talking to my siblings or parents because they get very uncomfortable whenever I talk about it (understandably) and I don't want to burden my friends and make them uncomfortable. there is one person who has gone through the same thing or almost, but tbh I don't know where I stand with her, it's complicated. we have a school counselor, but I'm scared to talk to her for a couple reasons. I'm just hoping you have any other ideas for what to do? I've tried to help by journaling, but that never really helps me. I'm sorry, this got so long!!!

Hi!

Wow, that sounds so scary, and I completely understand why you're anxious about it. I feel like you have the right ideas for what do do about it- talking, journaling, etc. Is there any way you can go to the doctor sooner to get peace of mind?

Either way, you're welcome to vent to me all you want! I can't pretend to understand but I'm always willing to listen, and venting about things can be really helpful. Remember to continue to wear your brace and do whatever else your doctor has said to do!

___

@teasiswriter

Hihihi so I have a ton of rings that I wear daily (9 in total, 6 on one hand and 3 on the other) and I kinda have a problem with “main character syndrome” I guess? In the sense that sometimes I do things hoping someone will compliment me or notice me, so I can have self esteem, but I’ve been shifting away from that and have been doing things for myself recently and I realized how good that people noticing me for actually being myself (and also, actually being myself) can feel!

In drama class someone commented on all the rings and so I just had like, a group of 5 people ask me about all of my rings and the stories behind them and I got to tell them. One of them said “yeah with your hand gestures and movements you were doing when you were talking I kept noticing them and was wondering about them all”

Like, oh my gosh???? People noticed my hand gestures???? I’m known for having hand gestures???? I barely noticed that about myself???? You like my rings????? Thank you they’re the way I express things I don’t know how to write???? They’re the trinkets I keep with me that make me feel safe???? Thank you for noticing my existence???????? I love you?????????

Anyways, it rocked and today was an okay day! Soooo yeah :D

hahaha this made me giggle because it's relatable. I think it's nice to be noticed for something you do to be yourself, you know? Like instead of doing something purposely to be noticed, you do something for yourself, and then STILL get noticed. It feels a hundred time better.

I'm glad you had a good day!

___

usaid anon

Hey its usaid anon,

So... fuck. Not to anything in paticular just what the fuck.

But the point of this ask is theres been word of a 15% cut in EVERY department WITHIN the state department. And the med department (the department my mom works for) isnt that big. Not to mention the are only 10 people with the job she has, meaning her name is up there. As she said theyre "an easy part of the 15"

Ive been trying to look on the bright side of everything so rn the small comforts are that i will 100% be staying until the end of the school year (3 weeks but as i said, small comforts) and there are pros of going back to the u.s. so far i have:

I could actually go to protests

Chipotle

Family

If it happens to my friend in china too we could see each other more often

I think thats it.

SIDE NOTE: FUCKING JD VANCE CAME HERE TO INDIA. Its so stupid. He went for his kids spring break but he didnt want to pay for it so he sceduled some meetings on the monday and then got his vacation for free bc it was technically a """""business trip"""""". Kind of funny thing about the visit tho. They obviously need staff from the embassy and they were struggling to find people willing to join bc it was vance. Which is rlly funny to me.

Im really trying to find a balance between being informed and knowing whats going on and not focusing on this ALL the time.

Hi <3

I'm so sorry, that's terrifying. I wish I could do something to help. I do have to say though, chipotle being on your list of positives is such a vibe. And you're not wrong at all.

I'm sending you so much love, and please keep me updated. I hope things turn out well for you and your family <3

___

hair anon

Hey, how’ve you been? Sorry for the incoming vent

I’m having a very bad gender day. It’s spirit week and I was asked to dress either emo or preppy but it made me super dysphoric and I wore my normal stuff. And I might be late for school because of all the different things I was changing in and out of to make myself feel better. I don’t even know what gender I want to look like. I don’t even know what name I want to be called. It makes me sad and angry for no reason. I don’t want to hate my body, I worked so hard to like it again. And my binder doesn’t help much. I hate my boobs and I hate my legs and I hate spirit week and I want to scream and cry and yell.

—Hair anon

Hey Cas, I’m sorry for another ask so soon

I’m just, having a very bad gender day again. My hair, my chest, my legs, everything. I can’t wear a binder because it causes me so much chest pain, and my parents won’t be thrilled if I ask for another one, so now I’m stuck, in the summer, with some big annoying boobs that won’t go away! They’re like, the forefront of ALL my normal sized shirts and make me sweat so much. If my bra is too loose it flops and if my bra ACTUALLY FITS ME it’s all big and in your face. I hate it. Like, I don’t even know how to style myself with my boobs. And summers in like, 2 months which is usually when I experiment with my style and stuff so I’m stuck looking like a massive weird freak.

Sorry. I shouldn’t say that. I learned that my thoughts about myself can actually become things I believe if I say them enough. I just feel so gross and insecure. I feel disproportionate.

I just can’t wait until summer, where I won’t be around my classmates 24/7, so I won’t get so many questions if I braid my hair to grow it out, or if I start dressing differently, etc.

My hair is just stressing me out. Everything is so stressful especially when my mind is insistent on fighting itself!! :(

Anyways, I’m sorry for the downer of an ask. Thanks for being a listening ear

—Hair anon

Hi hon!

Please don't be sorry! I totally understand having a Bad Gender Day, and it sucks SO much. The icky feeling of changing a million times, feeling all itchy in your skin, nothing feeling right...it's awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You're always welcome to vent to me about that, and anything else. I wish there was something I could do </3 I'm proud of you for recognizing that your current binder isn't good for your chest. Have you tried TransTape? Sometimes it works better for people, depending on the shape of their body, or their other needs. If you do try it, make sure to follow the directions on ways to tape, and use oil to remove it. But yeah, a lot of people prefer it to binders!

___

100% anon

hii its 100% anon!

thank you sm for answering my ask<3

your like explanaition is so good bc ive been trying to undrstabd what it meens but now its clear!

and yeah ig i am kind of sure? or more or less sure that i dont like guys in a romantic way!

anyways thank you so much!

hope youre doing okayy<3

Yay, I'm so glad I could help! No problem at all!

____

folklore anon

folklore anon!

it took me a while to answer back but yeah..

i think youre right i shouldnt feel guilty abt how i feel but i still do and it sucks

but atleast,yes i had a great time there<3

my uncle gave me a kindle!

i hope youre having a great night/day

Yeah, it's definitely easier said than done- to not feel guilty. But I'm glad you had a great time! And a kindle is so exciting!

___

personal anon

heyy, its personal anon!

so my parents took us out last thursday for dinner, everything was good until they brought up grades abd school and how its "not my style" and how "i used to be so great" and how my grades are slowly dropping as if i dont already know that and hate myself for it!and guess what? they made me cry yay! so i went to the bathroom and cried for 5mins and didnt talk to them for the rest of the night<3 and the bext morning my mom was acting like nthg happened so yeah

Ugh that sounds AWFUL. And in public, too...I'd be so upset. I'm so sorry that happened. If you want to vent, I'm here <3

____

Therapist anon

Hi!

First of all, your sister sounds like a pain. Like yes, she's acting her age, but she's being annoying, and that's okay to say.

Honestly, Instead of just going to your parents and complaining, I would approach it like "___ is happening. What do you think I should do?" For example, "Sister keeps kicking me out even when I'm sick. What should I do?" And then see what they say. Don't say it sarcastically, say it like "You guys are smart, responsible adults. What do I do?" (even if you don't feel that way). Like.. make your problems their problems. Make THEM figure out a solution.

And if they won't? Idk, it's probably shit advice because it's not the nicest, but I'd probably find a way to make it their problem in another way. Like when you get kicked out, go sit with your parents and talk their ears off. When your sister won't hand you a pad, call your parents and ask them to hand you one. Make it their problem, because like...you're doing your best to cohabitate, so she needs to as well.

I hope things get better and your shoes are still perfect!

[backgroundnoisewithaview]

Stevie came into the job knowing she couldn't really keep it a secret for very long, and she doesn't really want to keep it a secret anyway, she wasn't ashamed for what she was, just for the mistakes she made trying to be what she wasn't. That was the whole point of leaving Andrew in the first place, she had been hurting both of them and it wasn't fair and they did both deserve to be happy. She had an easier time of believing that for Andrew, but her and her therapist back in detroit, and something to work more with, with her new therapist in chicago.

So when Will starts talking about going out for things to eat, and going to work events together, and she yoyos between agreeing and rebuffing him, she knows she has to shut this down. And she hopes it doesn't ruin another thing because, despite their old rivalry, they do work really well together. They are something like friends now, something like what they used to be in med school without the insecurities burning each other.

So when it's, she dares to think the word, quiet, she seeks out Will who is thankfully in the break room by himself scrolling on his phone.

"Can we get drinks later? I want to talk to you about something."

Will looks up, concern written all over his face. "Yeah, sure. You okay?"

Stevie plasters a cheery smile on her face, knowing it doesn't quite fit, and says yes. Which Will clearly doens't believe but he nods and says yes anyway.

"Great, meet you here at end of shift." And she walks off and tries not to practice exaclty what she's doing to say. Or thinks about how Will, with his St Christopher medal and cross tattoo may react.

-

They don't go to Molly's, where others might be, they go somewhere Stevie's remaining chicago friend took her to a few weeks before, where the end with the pool table and kitchen is always loud but the area with the tables nearest the doors are quiet. They both order beers and Will darts looks at her to try and guage the conversation they're about to have.

Anything she thought of saying has vanished from her mind and she think she should just blurt it out and get it over with when-

"Are you okay?" Will asks.

Stevie laughs because that's Will for you.

She sighs, takes a drink and then looks at Will. "I don't know if you're just glad to have a friend back or if you're trying to date me, but I have to tell you why me and Andrew broke up."

Will looks like he is about to protest the accusation of trying to date her, but must realise that's not the focus of the conversation, because he nods slowly like he's taking it in. "Okay."

"I... I always thought it wasn't quite right, me and Andrew, but I thought I had cold feet, and then commitment issues... and then I realised i was gay. A lesbian.."

Will pulls his head up, taken aback by Stevie's admission. "Oh."

"And I don't, uh, I don't want to have a problem with it anymore, so if you do, I need you to tell me now because-"

Will is already shaking his head and waving his hand a little. "I don't have a problem with it. It's fine. It's great, even! I mean" He pauses to collect himself, and then looks at Stevie in sincerty, "- I'm glad you figured that out, you must have been unhappy for a while, there."

Stevie wasn't expecting that and it chokes her up a bit. "Yeah, I was."

"Are you... are you more happy now?"

Stevie thinks of her decent apartment, starting new, but problems with her mom and not settling in quickly enough for her liking overshadow the leaps she's taken to find herself. "It's so so," She settles on, "Some things are better, but some things are just the same."

Will quirks his head and huffs out a self depreciating laugh, "I hear you."

"So... we're good? We can still be friends?" She hates how childish it sounds, but can't take her words back. Besides, she really wants to know the answer.

Will's eyes soften, "Of course we can. Of course we can be friends. Stevie, I'm an asshole soemtimes, and an idiot, but i'm not a bigot."

Stevie laughs and nods, "You can be an idiot, yes."

Will gestures between them with a smile, "See? I'm being honest and you're insulting me. Nothing's changed."

They both laugh softly but then Will sobers up. "But I am sorry that I made you... uncomfortable. In all honesty, seeing as we are being honest, I have... issues when it comes to people who are nice to me. I guess i've got to work on that."

Stevie was surprised by the admission but glad he said it.

She raised her beer bottle up slightly "To working on things."

Will knocked his bottle against hers, "To working on things."

Stevie thinks about how this could have gone, how this might have gone back in college, med school, how her life might have been different for it. But she knows that she can't go back and change things, can't realise things about herself sooner, can't go through therapy she wasn't ready for yet - couldn't even fathom therapy as anything other than things psych patients go to - so as for an alternative, a second chance as it were, it's pretty good.

[slowdripsunrise]

oop okay i havent updated this in longer than i thought lol. spoilers under the cut !

finally read the starless sea by erin morgenstern ! good lord beautiful writing, beautiful imagery, and the stories nestled in between the main plot were so entertaining, just as much as the main storyline. characters were sweet, i wasn't in love with the romance subplot but like. the setting, the books, OUHG. that's really what i was focused on so if other aspects lacked. i dont care tbh. entertaining and fun and just overall gorgeous. not what i was expecting but a pleasant surprise.

next i read godkiller by hannah kaner, also a pleasant surprise ! the world was fun and the characters were interesting, and i'm curious to read the sequel !!! not much else to say about it tbh it was a fun fantasy read and also the audiobook slayed.

next i read the centre by ayesha manazir siddiqi and oml went into this knowing it was about language and well yes. but it's also about a failgirl and her questionable decisions and well i do like that. it's not my favorite but like yeah. yeah i get it. i think sometimes for me when i read books about women that just suck i find it a bit too relatable and start to hate the book like. i start thinking about my failures and problems instead of the characters and then im not interested in the book anymore. especially if the failgirl in question has money. its like well just shut up. sorry thats rude people with money can be sad but also like thats a book character so i dont care shut up. anyway this book was also about language so i liked it !! and cannibalism which was also fun. i loved the conversations about translation as consumption and translation as violence. i'm thinking about becoming a linguistics major at my local college so like. much to think about and digest (lol) i think topics like this are really interesting. overall a fun read !!!

after that i read a teeny tiny little short story the only harmless great thing by brooke bolander and GOD it was so good. like damn the pov changes between the elephants and the humans and like the nuclear waste warning and the elephant's stories and just uhg. ouhg. definitely recommend as like a sad bittersweet aching story

finally, i most recently read everyone in this room will someday be dead by emily austin and well. i'm writing this as a time killer so i don't look like i've just been crying when i go out to register my car LOL. like the beginning didn't quite hook me but im so glad i stuck through because i was absolutely sobbing by the end of it. like full on ugly crying. the characters were all lovely and real even tho some of them were bigoted like barney ... i hope he lives well even if hes super homophobic the author made me feel for every character. and the mc at first i didn't love her because i couldn't quite grasp her reasoning behind some of her decisions or her situation, but once i got further in i really started to see myself in her. which okay going back to the last book like i know i said i didn't like books that are just about failgirls well this one was different...... idk it just hit me the right way. the way she cared so much for every single living being around her made me care for them too, flop the bunny, mittens the cat, grace and rosemary, jeff, etc. like. pretty much every time she cried in the book i was also crying. which is like a lot. i also okay and i haven't examined this fully with myself but i really saw myself in her in regards to her depression and anxiety (i know these are not her only issues but these are just the ones i relate to specifically) and i can't help but reflect on how some of her choices, i probably also would have made if i wasn't were i am today, or if i wasn't medicated, or seeing a therapist, and that i've come pretty far from where i started. which feels really fucking nice. anyways i would recommend reading this if u like sad stories about sad girls that find themselves in The Situationstm. also if you've taken your anxiety meds. bc i forgot and my heart was pounding along with the mcs the entire time almost to the point where i had to put it down lol.

[antiendovents]

*buries face in pillow and screams* ok I'm sorry for that message lol evalynn took control and I'm still making sure she didn't fuck up anything on my computer but lol yeah. don't worry I'm not mad at her just kinda embarrassed. I love her but she is a headache sometimes (affectionately). she also gets attached to people very quickly sorry lol (evalynn if you read this i love you its ok I'm not mad just um remember to wait five minutes before you make a decision to see if it still sounds like a good idea but I promise its fine)

anyway um yeah. Eva wants to change her name to sunny, short for sunflower. shell probably go by both (Eva and sunny) depending on the mood.

I'm doing well! I took my brother and his friend to the museum. it was nice. I like my brother very much, he's a pretty good human. hbu?

we (system 'we' now, not brother 'we') talked to another alter we don't talk to often. shes pretty uhhh stressy depressy. evalynn doesn't like her very much because she reminds evalynn of her (evalynn's) worse moments. Eva prefers to stay away, but shes politely pleasant to her. Saturn gets her best I think. she (stressy depressy alter) has done a lot for me cus she basically keeps a lot of our sadness and trauma and she helped us a lot when we were having a depressive episode last year cuz that's basically her default mode, but we all are trying very hard to make sure she stays pretty quiet because we don't want to feel like that. I feel kinda bad for making her keep all of this, but I cant help without getting hurt too. yeah. she goes by Dark (may change her name later, she doesn't wanna reveal her real name), btw. rn shes using she/her, but sometimes its he/him or they/them.

sooo yeah. that's us. Eva is feeling lovely rn. I'm just chilling. saturn is lying facedown on the floor listening to music. (saturn is overstimulated and tired). evalynn is building a dollhouse from blocks she painted pink.

update: Saturn is no longer listening to music. Saturn is imagining music. dad stole our spotify. (-Eva/sunny)

we think were gonna make another blog for a headmate named רונה. (if you google translate this name pls don't share it this is my irl name and its very personal to me but this alter doesn't like going by anything but that name). she speaks only Hebrew, and some very bad English, so that's gonna be fun. I suppose she could speak English cuz we share the same brain and all but it makes her feel like throwing up so she doesn't. anyway. she wants to say hi.

שלום!!!!! השם שלי רונה!!!!! רוצים ליהיות חברות??? להיתרות!!!!! י

so yeah that was her. btw what she said was "hello!!!!! my name is רונה!!!!! wanna be friends??? See you later/bye!!!!" that last part deosnt translate too well to english but yeah. anyway. ttyl! byeeeeeee!!! <333

-🌌🌠 system (cuz r still doesn't have an emoji code lol) (oh hey Saturn. feeling better?) (hey. yeah, thx.) (awesome. <333) (<3)

its fine! We found the message quite sweet! And we get it, some of us get attached easily too! I hope she didn't mess anything up on the computer, that wouldn't be great!

Also sunflower / sunny is a great name !! :D we have an alter named sunny, kind of. He only lets his best friend call him it though-

We're glad you're doing well and that sounds pretty fun! We're personally okay, trying desperately to salvage our sleep schedule lol

Also that is interesting, I'm glad Dark managed to help you guys get through that and I understand why you'd feel bad but I want you to know it's not your fault. Alters have roles and even if it's unfavorable someone has to do it. Just make sure she knows y'all are grateful (that's the only advice I can give as an alter with a similar kind of job lol). Don't try help her if it hurts, wait until you're in a safe environment and able to do to so (preferably wait until you have a therapist, if you don't have one already (if you do wait until you can manage a session about it, this kind of stuff is best done with a professional, though if y'all do try healing by yourselves we won't judge either))

It's good that Eva is feeling good, hah I said good twice lol. I hope Saturn is doing okay and that Evalynn is having fun!

Also that's fair enough. We have some alters that are uncomfortable with the English language too, though we don't know any other language (not fluently anyways) so they usually just end up not speaking at all or making animal sounds-

And hi! We'd love to be friends and bye! :3

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Ayyy honeymoon :D!!

Ooh vlog style :o

Ope o.o

Uhhh xd nah something sus is going on lol

Um o.o

Nope y'all nahh xd

UH OH UM

Nah creepy masks a i n ' t i t .

Aww ay hey guys :D love them :)

Ooh backup 👀👀

We love getting to see some of the others as well :DD

Uh oh guys this is not good o.o

YOO they're actually gonna come yess :DD

OHH GOSH

Y'all cannot just have one normal thing can you xD

Poor babies 😭 they goin through it as always xd

At least it wasn't some terrible big scheme on their wedding itself lol

Just random stuff and a small bad thing xD

OPE GUYS O.O

Okay, that's the last of my promo thoughts, now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

Not quite as fancy as my 911 or tgd ones lol, more like the normal ones, just with the end of a liveblog as well :).

I made a post about this before coming back to this one, but happy 100th episode all!! Lowkey forgot this was the 100th anniversary lol. But it makes so much sense and it was a GREAT 100th episode :D.

I love that everyone had their little moment (at least): James with the music, Wesley with Oscar, Luna with her college classes, etc :). And just Randy, Chastity, Oscar, and Henry BEING there lol. Though to clarify Oscar was not at the wedding xD. But seriously, I really loved all the cameos and little character moments this episode :)).

Also CHENFORD AAAHHHH!!! Their MOMENTS this episode y'all I was losing it xD. I do kinda wish it hadn't been that Tim isn't supporting her despite thinking he is, though? Because the vibes last episode were just really on Tim's side, I guess, and now they're just tossing him into "bad guy" a bit. But, I think it'll work out in the end. I'm also glad Chastity brought up that Lucy could also be scared! I think that's a real possibility :). Anyway, they were ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE and whether it was the first time in universe or not, WHOOO FIRST I LOVE YOU!! And it was so cute :'D. Also the dance 😭😭😭❤️ stop I'm not okay :').

BAILEY AND JOHN ARE MARRIED!!! WHOOOOOO :'DDDD!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎉🥂🎂🥂🥰❤️❤️🥰. I'm so happy for them :'DD

They might not be my favorite couple on the show but I still love them and this has been a long time coming. I'm also glad that despite all the issues they still had the wedding and everything was okay and beautiful 🥰🥰. Thank goodness they actually had it and we saw it lol (looking at you Wopez - still mad at the writers for that). Also I'm SO EXCITED for the next episode with their honeymoon :D.

I felt so bad for Celina and Aaron this episode 😭. Aaron because poor boy is going through it and misreading signals/situations xd, and Celina because she's trying to be there for him and do what's best and she as also, you know, kidnapped and beat up xD. But, I think they'll make it through it :).

Really though Aaron you need to talk to your therapist 😭. It's dangerous going out when you know you're not healing :(. Hope he learns it soon D':.

I loved all the togetherness moments this episode!! The bachelor and bachelorette parties (y'all I can't articulate it beyond loving individual characters and them all hanging out but oUAGH chomping on it)/last minute preparations xD were SO GOOD!! And the wedding, especially the dancing :'D. AUOGH, I love them <333. And of course the final mission at the end - they slay together :DD. Also, I'm glad Celina's okay :')).

Don't even get me started on the Wopez/Wesley angst. Y'all I'm about to have so many thoughts about them moving forward (even more than usual/always xD). Like! AUGH! OSCAR!! SITTING ACROSS FROM HIM!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED FOR THIS

Where's the panic attack Rookie <33

Where's the panic attack writers 🥰🥰 where is it :))

I'm kidding xD kind of lol. But seriously, the angst thoughts are turning (the wheels are turning) :DD. And don't forget about Angela either lol

Anyway! Everybody slayed this episode and I REALLY enjoyed it :D. I'm SOO excited for the next one :)). Also, again (mentioned it in the liveblog or just before), I don't know that I've ever gotten to watch it live before, so this was the perfect episode to get to do it :D.

Loved the episode!!!

Happy 100th Episode guys 🥂🥰🥰. I love this show and you all so much :DD.

See you next time!!

[1d1195]

Okay so this part was SOOO GOOD! I'm literally BUZZING with their reunion! I think it’s just so cute that she has kept so many notebooks about her and Harry even after all this time😭This speaks to the journal obsessed part of me lol and the fact that she thinks he’s moved on is CRAZY but im not surprised since she did get insecure about their relationship(fuck Lauren lol) so I ger her! The detail of the pic on the figure was just so 💔 bc MY MAN WOULD HAVE AND WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF HER😭 oh and that little part about how ‘hope” feels, bestie that was such a beautiful way to explain it! 

also the image of Harry in a fireman uniform… yeah I just know he’s so😵‍💫 is it kind of creepy he knew where she would be? Yeah but like idgaf THEY ARE SOULMATES so I'm choosing to believe that their bond was calling him to go there lol the KITTEN NAME DROP AFTER SO MANY YEARS MY HEART😭 but ugh god the mention of Lauren still being somewhat close to her MAKES ME WANT  TO SCREAM!!!(trust me I love it for the plot) Now I loved their balcony moment and it was nice to see how his instinct was just to take care of her! Oh tell me why I was giggling so hard about everyone’s reaction to Harry sending that text! And you know I love a good jealousrry moment even if it’s small! Though I did love the mention of how each of them mourns the loss of their friendship with her differently and going through a friendship breakup is just as painful! Was so sad for Louis :( BUT OVERALL I LIVED FOR THIS SAM!! So well written and I'm so excited where this story is going to go! Very excited!!! Loved it so much!

Hope you have a lovely and relaxing weekend! Wishing you the best! LOVE YOU!!-💜

I realized I was writing almost entirely from Harry's POV. I try REALLY hard to split the POVs from Harry and my MC. This part was completely uneven even after I added her part, but it just was SO much better from his perspective lol. But I did end up really loving the part I wrote from her POV. I thought the notebooks were a cute touch and I actually am really proud of the candle/hope analogy 😭🙈 sometimes I get an idea in my head and I'm like "It would be so cool if I could come up with something profound right now. Like John Green saying 'slowly, then all at once'." I'm not sure I'll ever get that, but I'll keep trying. But humbly, I do surprise myself with what I come up with solely because I have this moment of clarity where I'm like "Okay, I'm writing Harry Styles fanfic do I need to inform the masses about how I think roses are prickly and wildflowers are strong?" probs not. But it happens I suppose.

Spoiler/not spoiler I'm really looking forward to writing about her finding out that Harry hasn't moved on even a little 🤭 I'm glad you liked the journaling part! Our little writer girly wouldn't do anything less I don't think. I don't know if I knew you were a journal-er! I need to start keeping notes of you on my computer to consult after a year 😭 It would look like this:

has 4 dogs that don't like fireworks

studies psych (and takes way too many classes)

enjoys drag brunches and record stores

Paramore [Wikipedia page biographer?]

journals

enjoys thrifting (and can alter her finds!?)

Anti-Victoria's Secret

has a competent MALE therapist

But anyway 😭 I know you're more than this and I would so add more but it's a good starting point to keep track of things 💕

I probably glossed over the explanation of him just knowing where she was so YES we should assume it's just that soulmate connection that brought him to her. I SWEAR I saw an AI photo of him in a firefighting uniform. I'm also DESPERATELY trying to get on fireman TikTok for inspo and for my own personal gain 👀👀

I know we hate Lauren lol it's so funny what you guys pick up on because I don't even THINK about her at all when I think of this series 😭

I believe so fully that Harry would be the kind of guy that lays his jacket down on a puddle for her to walk across (probs shouldn't have said that, now I gotta come up with another analogy to write 🤣) so I wanted him to just fall right back into being so infatuated with her and taking care of her immediately. I figured I needed a mood lightener and them all worried about Harry was the best I could do on short notice 😅 I like to keep the friends in my stories as mostly minor characters (except for Traditional) mainly because I struggle to sustain prolonged interactions with others (I just want all my couples to live in their own little love bubbles). UGH I wanted to make him more jealous! But I think rationally, he wouldn't be jealous of his friends. Maybe I'll do it for the next part hehehehehe As it is not in my notes above, I believe I recall that you weren't TOTALLY into 1D but Louis was always denoted as the goofball and I think that was a gross underestimation of his emotions (see also the times I've said his lyrics are 👌) ANYWAY

Thank you for attending this week's book club 💕

FINALLY A QUIET WEEKEND 🎉 Hope yours is good too! 💕

xoxo

P.S. In true-Sam fashion, my lack of feedback on this part is making me so sad and feeling like it's an absolute flop. I wish I didn't write so much sometimes because my series tend to start off SO good but fizzle by the end. My one-shots do SO much better. But I want MORE to happen. Maybe I'm just bad at having stories progress? I know, I know, notes aren't everything and summer is a weird time for people and I know with Harry being MIA in real life people are missing him and not writing as much and also not reading as much. But yeah, it's part of why my updates are far between :/

[mostlymalena]

April 13th 2024 10:50pm

Just got done eating G out. Wonderful and tasty per usual. She is asleep next to me, and she is really pretty.

It has been a while, apologies, I have been so empty but a candle has been relit inside my soul. Why? NO IDEA LMAO. I'm just waking up again and thank god bc the last couple weeks have been an empty shallow hole.

Do I have tea to spill. Remember rine?? Of course you do since ive been writing about her for some time now!!! We had our lovely sleepover and the NEXT FUCKING DAY I get the wonderful news this bitch has a FUCKING BOYFRIEND LMAO and for some time too!!!!! I was so upset tbh bc why is this such a pattern?!?!?! Anyways I confronted her at Reggies bc she was meeting me there and we had talked about her sleeping over that night. She confirmed it and I walked away and left instantly to bluepost. We have not spoken since and will not. I get to bluepost and Gracie is there. I tell her immedielty what has happened and she makes me feel better. Out of the corner of my eye I see something slither into view dressed like a distressed scarecrow. Who else but Belle, parks her 2by4 ass across from me and Gracie and just idk.. keeps and eye on us?? Just stares. I do not know if P is there but I do not stick around to find out. Me and Gracie leave and she sleeps over.

G and I have been hanging again on account of my therapist telling me that shutting down and cutting people out of my life the second I feel vulnerable is not a good thing. Wild huh. She said I need to give Gracie a chance to let me forgive her. Uncomfortable but will give it a shot. We are hanging but I will continue to accept dates from other people. G is such a safe space for me to be goofy and relax.

No feelings of passion or romance have stirred inside me yet. Those have laid dormant since November and I fear every day they have been lost for good. I really hope not.

TOTALED MY CAR LMAO. It has been a shit two weeks ngl. I am just so lost but did all my dishes and felt hope in the world. I will find a job and I'll be okay. Argentina is so soon and I cannot wait!!!!

Went out to opera room with the crew friday to support my friend who is a DJ. She did great but saw several ops. Confronted this one dude who I know has been talking shit and spreading rumors and he apologized. Also talk to Emma - graces recent ex to make sure she knew even though it's weird and uncomfortable there is no bad blood and I have 0 issues with her. That went well and we ended the convo with a hug.

Today we had a soccer game and won then O and I took a nap and when we woke up me, Ethan, and Gracie went and got pizza. Zach!!!! A tender man who I fumbled 2/3 years ago which I will always regret WAS WORKING THERE!!!! I saw him and went outside and waited lmao. He has a beautiful gf of like 1 or so years now and I'm glad he is happy.

we all got ice cream after and I chose the rankest flavor called blueberry basil. Tasted like a salad dressing RIP. Got home drank Diet Coke and smoked on the porch and now Im catching up on writing and thoughts before watching 500 days of summer and going to sleep! Feeling settled and content.

[kairosclerosis--liberosis]

November 2023

Before anything else, I am devastated about Palestine, and continuously try to share and search information through all my other social medias. Honestly, it's haunting to think about the holidays with what's happening to them and other parts of the world that are violently mistreated over and over again. I crave for humanity to come together to end all wars and just have peace for once. I just wanted to express this before this month's post.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November was a long one, so long in fact- I started writing this post on the 16th.

There's this amazingly annoying thing that always happens to me around this time of the year, and that's that I start reflecting a little too much on my past. I mean, I tend to do this a lot but now, I've recently discovered (thanks to my therapist) that these repetitive, tiring, and lingering thoughts might be chalked up to something chemically wrong with me, which honestly feels like a relief compared to me feeling like I can't just let sh*t go. Basically, she thinks I may have a form of OCD (I legit don't care about sharing this because being vocal about mental health has always been top priority to me).

So, I've been assigned this task where every time I feel anxious or see myself grasping on to the same things for way too long, I have to write it down. So, look out world! If you see me outside writing down on a tiny white notebook, that's literally me documenting my anxiety.

Anyways, I'm eager to keep getting to the bottom of this, because it is exhausting always wondering how one scenario could've played out 34,958 different ways, among other things. I sometimes sense that it also has a lot to do with untreated trauma. My whole life I've just kind of sprinted on to the next thing instead of taking a moment and really digest what I just went through, and I think it's all catching up to me now that I live a calm life- which is ironic.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm unhappy, in fact- it's actually that I'm so genuinely glad for where I am now, that it kind of triggers my nervousness of it being taken away from me.

Anyways, I've been keeping more track of that part of me, I guess it's all part of the healing journey.

It's now the 20th, and I've been actively keeping myself busy and filling up my days with chores or just stepping outside and breathing fresh air (I stay indoors 5/7 days a week because of work so...that's something). I'm also still on a weight-loss/fitness journey and I don't talk about it on social media but I've lost over 30 pounds and am currently in my "ideal" weight- according to my nutritionist. This took a year. I've never been a thin person, and I don't think I ever will, but I do feel stronger and a bit more toned, which is nice.

College is blegh. I honestly just want to graduate. The education system on this island is not getting any better and it's concerning. I hope to be done by May.

I've been getting into Audiobooks lately and I love it! It's a great way to catch up with all the reads I just can't get around to. So far I've heard "The Woman In Me" by Britney Spears and "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy. Both were super impactful and worth the listen. I have a few other books lined up before the year ends.

Oh! I'm officially traveling again soon. It'll be over a year since I last left the island and I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be my first ever girls trip! I'm nervous but also excited.

Thanksgiving is this week and all I can say is that I'm grateful for the way life has played out for me, the good and the bad, it has all led me to where I am now, and who I am today. I'm grateful for the people in my life, my husband, my fur babies, my home...I'm grateful to be alive.

I hope you, reader, are doing okay as well.

Here's wishing for the world to get a bit better each day.

[heybekindtoyourmind]

And so it begins..

Been meaning to make this blog since undergrad but life has a funny way of delaying projects so here we are. I won't say much about myself because it's better that way. Plus, this isn't about me, it's about mental health, therapy, and other things. Just know, i'm a kind hearted, neurodivergent, she/her that loves psychology so much I hyperfixated my way into a degree in it.

If you're skeptical, I get it. Whether it's from personal experience or someone you know, therapy isn't viewed as a solution, right? Been there, trust me. I won't become pretentious or a know-it-all because I want my influence to expand perspectives on mental health. And hell, to be honest, it's better to *not* know everything anyway. We're always learning to be better every day and all I want, is for you to be better for yourselves. Not for me, a friend, your parents, partner, or whoever but for the MOST important person that matters in this, you.

This isn't a self help blog because those are placebos to me. You take the sugar pill and suddenly the symptoms go away because their instructions made me BELIEVE and hope for a better beginning. And if they have, I'm happy for you! I just live by the philosophy of being pessimistically optimistic in this life. Guess where I got that from? My therapist. lol

First thing she said to me when i sat down was "I'm not here to help you, I'm here to listen." And i'm glad she went that route. I didn't feel alone in my sessions, i felt safe. It wasn't fun at all and it's not supposed to be. But we'll dive deep into my therapy sessions as time goes on with this blog.

My hope is that I can help anyone out there that feels isolated, undervalued or lost. Or just make you think for a minute or two about a post I've made. Influence is powerful, I'm here to use mine for what it intended to do.

So welcome, everyone. Let's learn and grow together, okay?

And remember...

Be kind to your mind, always. 🤎

[saintobio]

I have high hopes that y/n didn’t do that. Personally, I don’t think she would spite him even after all he’s put her through, unless it concerns her health. Even then I still have doubts, she’s very selfless. Then there’s the dialogue between his two best friends. I do recall you saying that they’re soulmates but everything’s is wrong timing for them a while back, so I’m kinda glad she asked for a divorce. In my opinion their relationship was toxic even after the whole Sera ordeal was over, it just seemed like the only thing that could “patch them up” so to say, for y/n and gojo was that baby. And moving her into the mansion he was planning on moving in with sera? My guy…he clearly needs more time to change.

Anonymous said

I can't see y/n giving up that child. She'd risk the labor at the cost of her life. She loves the baby, and no matter how much Gojo hurt her, she'd reason that the child is innocent.

Shoko's behavior... her dad's... I think she's going to have the kid still, but she's too scared to let Gojo be a part of it because she can't trust him with her and the child (just like she said.) I think the "abortion" might have been a ploy to get him to agree to a divorce and/or keep him in the dark about the child. WHICH, I read it closely but I'm hella dyslexic so I think I saw that he never agreed to one or signed any papers right? They're still married? And he hasn't been going out so there's no way he got "served"?

Anonymous said

okay what was shoko tryna say tho?? “it’s not what it seems”????🤨 I’m kinda doubtful reader actually had the abortion.. my heart hurts so much for satoru even though he’s a dick. mans really bought us the mansion he imagined living in with sera… ughhhh tojixreader arc when

Anonymous said

Honestly I think y/n kept the baby. She probably lied to get Gojo to leave her alone, she’s leaving so she can continue the rest of her pregnancy term in peace so she can give birth safely. I just can’t see y/n killing her baby bc of its father’s mistake, u all saw how she cherishes the baby. I feel so bad for gojo tho, he has lost his second family, his reputation is ruined and he believes his baby is dead. U really ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it huh?😭 crying, throwing up, sliding down my the wall dramatically, banging my head on the wall, ripping my hair out, screaming, punching air, and coughing. If u hate us just say that🧍‍♀️

@el13 said

YOU SAID WE COULD HANDLE IT, I COULD NOT HANDLE IT omfg I didn't see that coming. Whether she decided to stay with him or not, I really didn't think she would have an abortion (unless🤔). But holy shit, I feel so much pain for him. I guess sometimes the timing and circumstances just aren't right. Anyways I'm gonna cry myself to sleep now- 😭✌️

Anonymous said

why do i feel like she's keeping the baby but she just doesnt wanna tell mr gojo the dumbass bitch? 😈😈 i think this chapter hurts a whole of a lot but having to be here since wastelands made me numb as fuck, other than that, another amazing chapter saint 💗 ily, *kiss kiss*

Anonymous said

This chapter hurt a LOT but I think they divorcing is for the best like when you think about it their marriage was so stained with Gojos mistakes and there was no way y/n would ever trust him completely.I know many people think Gojo deserves all this pain and he does but I also think he deserves to get somehow a “happy” ending , I hope he gets therapist and learns to love himself and not to be so codependent of others. He has a lot of work to do and for y/n ( I have the theory she didn’t get an abortion pretty sure she’s moving and raising the child by herself and if she did get one good for her too bc she should always prioritize herself) I hope she finds someone who loves her unconditionally and gives her what she deserves ( if that man is toji or not it really doesn’t matter to me) and I also hope she heals from all the pain Gojo put her thru , she deserves nothing but happiness . And just a final note! The way you write angst is AMAZING!!!

Anonymous said

I wonder if mc rlly went thru with the abortion? if that makes sense, I just feel like it’s very out of character for them. I’m excited to see ch20 !! I love ur writing style it’s so heartbreaking yet beautiful

Anonymous said

Saint… wtf was this? This was so sad omg😢, Satoru’s really going through the shit, but so is Y/N. Ahhh and the little munchkin too🥺?? This was a ton to take in at one time omg. I’m holding out a small amount of hope that the baby isn’t really gone and they are just keeping them away from Gojo, but ik it’s a long shot. I really hope both him and Y/N get a chance to heal from all this, but once again, Gojo really did this to himself (and Y/N) he didn’t have to marry her and treat her like that, but he did and I don’t think he’ll be able to move on with his life and start his healing process until he acknowledges it and stops trying to find an excuse for it. As for Sera… well, I don’t think anybody just deserves to be treated as badly as that, she better understand that’s what she gets for messing around with a married man. She should’ve known better and then treating Y/N like shit… when she was nothing but kind and understanding… yeah I don’t wanna she deserves all of what’s going on considering her situation, but at the same time it’s a lesson learned (Especially with the whole Naoya thing, cause 😬 that was just embarrassing). Anyway, I hope Y/N has a chance to heal and recover from both her angina and her mess of a marriage. Question: did Y/N get the surgery to get rid of her angina? Or is she still waiting? Where is Y/N gonna travel to? And how did Toji react to everything that’s going on? But all in all, this was an amazing chapter Saint, and I really appreciate you doing this on your time when you feel like it. It makes it even more special that you share your talents with us ❤️. Get plenty of rest and drink water ❤️❤️❤️

@minaces said

Pls why do I have a feeling this miraculous fanfiction baby of 5 months somehow lived ??? (Idk how incubation works !!!!!!!!) but like she's leaving the country ,,,, and shoko's little "trust me" just leaves me thinking . . .

I'm like gaslighting myself into thinking that the baby somehow lived idk why I got so attached to this fanfiction fetus

Anonymous said

i will believe there was no abortion, that’s why y/n is going away, and they just wanted to make satoru suffer. yes.

AH BUT FR THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER I CANT STOP CRYING

i felt it all the way to the core. you get to understand gojo’s pain. but i still believe y/n decision were wise and we do not have the reasoning behind them since we just got gojo’s pov.

if he actually proceeded with his actions it would all be in vain, for he would just be escaping the consequences of his actions

AGGGHH im such a sucker for you and your writing

these are all rly good theories you guys !! they’re very interesting to read but i can’t confirm anything rn </3 i’m glad to know that the angst delivered tho 🥺 tysm

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 2

grounded anon, 100% anon, panromantic anon, 24 anon, in the mirror anon (new)

Grounded anon

Hi!

Okay so I'm guessing you're underage, so I'm not comfortable talking about the first part or your ask. I'm not mad at you at all or judging you, I just am not comfortable taking about it.

As far as your friend- honestly I was just talking to someone else about how it's SO difficult to tell the difference between like...fried-flirting and flirting-flirting. It can be so frustrating! I wish I could help somehow, but I have to say I'm not the best at seeing the difference. I'm glad you were there for her though! <3

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100% anon

hii cas its 100% anon

so in my last ask you said i might be afab but i didnt know what that means so i researched it and thats what i undrstood that its a prsn who was a female at birth but does not feel like one right? like they could be genderfluid or ?? (pls correct me if im wrong) and im not i pretty like being a girl!

but i realised that im probs a lesbian because like i gind all woman attractive but i think for guys its probably a friend crush? like i feel i want to get to know them and stuff but not be with them...

anyway hope youre doing okay!!

hihi! So AFAB just means anyone who was 'Assigned Female at Birth' or, in simpler terms, when you were born, the doctor said 'it's a girl!' AFAB people can feel like girls, or they might not. So when I said society kind of conditions AFAB people to want validation from men, it's because society kind of teaches girls, or people who are treated like girls, that they are inferior to men and need their approval. But you don't!

And it sounds like you're figuring more out about yourself, but remember that it's okay to be unsure! Just do whatever feels right to you, label or no!

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panromantic anon

Reading your stories, you put warnings for homophobia transphobia etc, and I realize how fucked up my environment are more.

.. Because those things don't seem bad while reading. Obviously bad, but I hear it- I see it too much it's as normal as someone calling someone an idiot. And it hurts.

Most of the time I go back to fics, people put trigger warnings, and after reading I end up very surprised it's put a warning at all.

I hate being born into learning to hate lgbtqia.

Sorry for venting, it's panromantic anon. And I want to say, I don't mind you putting my asks. It was probably someone else who wanted you to not show their ask.

Thanks for answering always, I ask too much here and I am sorry to bother

Hi!

You're not a bother at all <3 and you don't have to be sorry for venting. You're allowed to be angry and sad and hurt. I wish I could do something or say something to help, but please know that I am here to listen <3

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24 anon

hi, cas, its 24 anon again 😮‍💨 i got too see my therapist again in the time since i last assaulted your askbox. ive had two big conversations with p during that time too, they both left me feeling real not good but i have gained a bit of her perspective finally, even though i dont think it was very enlightening and honestly just made me feel worse. the jist of it all basically boiled down to her being like 'i noticed that we were talking and hanging out less but i figured thats just how it was now, it made me sad but i thought everything was still working out fine' so apparently this has been an issue only to me. im really thinking about asking for some genuine distance, if only for the sake of being able to get over the unhealthy attachment i have to her and our relationship in a space that she's not constantly invading? that feels so harsh to say but when we weren't talking i felt so much peace and the second i started talking to her again ive had this inescapable pit of dread and grief and guilt coiled in my stomach and my chest feels so, so heavy. i cant keep having this conversation with her and watch her keep not taking it as seriously because she doesn't see a problem, or acknowledge and respect or understand that at least im having a problem. i point blank asked if we could work out something that'll work for both of us and thats when she hit me with the 'oh well i thought everything was working fine' bit and then immediately devolved the conversation into out usual bantery bullshitting as if the conversation never happened. she cant have a serious conversation to save her life and its driving me insane, i always end up having to reassure her and it keeps reading as like 'its okay i know you're trying and youre not hurting my feelings as badly anymore' and every time i say shit like that i always end up worse. i feel so incomprehensibly guilty about wanting time away from her but i really cant keep doing this. ive been going rounds with myself trying to figure out how to ask without making us both feel like irredeemable assholes. and im so terrified to finally pull the plug even temporarily because she is so genuinely all that i have to rely on and the idea of losing that makes me want to cry. i genuinely do not have any other friends to talk to about anything anymore and my support system is non-existent across the board. im terrified of being actually, truly alone like i will be, but staying in her orbit is making me feel just as, if not more, alone. everything fucking sucks, cas. too many things are falling apart on me and this is like sending me over the edge rn. im so tired lol

Hi! I'm so glad you got to talk to your therapist!

As far as your friend- I know it's incredibly hard, but you need to think about what's best for YOU. It's clear that your friend is not prioritizing your feelings, so why are you prioritizing hers? Someone needs to look out for you, here, and since I can't come through your computer/phone to help, you need to be the one to do it. It's not mean or horrible to do what is best for you- even if that's taking a step back. It's GOOD, because you're taking care of yourself. So you need to think about what would be best for YOU, and do that, even if it's hard <3

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in the mirror anon

Sometimes I wonder if I hate my body because I'm trans or if I just hate my body because I'm fat, and either way, I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't know how to tell the difference.

Hi <3

I just want to first say that what you are feeling is so difficult and overwhelming and defeating and I have been there. It sucks. And I'm sending you so much love.

I think...I think there's no easy answer. Battling dysphoria and accepting the shape of your body are both difficult things. But I think one key thing to know is that you deserve to love yourself. So like...finding the balance between doing little things to make yourself more comfortable in your body (gender-affirming things, clothing that you feel good in, etc) and also finding love for your body is important. But it's something I struggle with daily, so I get it <3

Sending love <3