#anyway i'm glad she has a therapist and i hope she's doing okay

[dxcinhx]

jasmin is speaking facts on her ig story rn

[creekfiend]

a lot of what i've read in your antipsych posts is also stuff my therapist straight up said about psych institutions when i was approaching a mental breaking point a few years ago. when it became clear how Bad i was doing, she was like "okay we need to find any interventions to get you to a point where you don't end up in a psych ward, bc even if they're acutely lifesaving, people invariably leave with more trauma than they went in with. they should be avoided." like this is a thing that ppl working in the space know about, even if most won't say it as clearly as she did.

i get the instinctual reaction towards the term antipsych, especially if you're someone who has had to deal with the crunchy tiktok/insta types who will tell you that all psychiatric medication is poison, but the posts in your tag are very clearly not about that. i actually rly appreciate getting to see the arguments for antipsych written out so clearly bc they articulate something i have personally felt for a while, which is that the people i care about who were institutionalized were not actually helped by that, bc the reasons they ended up there were straightforwardly related to external pressures and problems that didn't magically go away while they were in the psych ward.

anyways. i appreciate your existence. pls know that your posts have helped some people learn more. hope you and your excellent dogs have a good day/week/month/year.

that sounds like a good therapist. I also managed to find a therapist who is broadly antipsych and much of the work she does for me is like, physically placing her body and her respectability as a professional between me and institutions that might do me harm. it's really encouraging that more people are starting to approach it that way. I'm glad you found a good one!!! thank you for your message

[notnights]

Out of all the mean shit I've gotten for my ribbuns (and I admit it's expected to an extent I am after all purposely depicting this in a way that should disturb you, but man some comments get MEAN) there has only been maybe 2, or 3 that basically sum up to "I went through something like this, and seeing my favorite character go through the same thing makes me feel less alone."

And honestly that kind of makes it worth it. I can get 60 mean comments but if there's one that makes reference to feeling seen and heard, then that's kind of worth it.

I had--have someone who still loves me a lot. Till this very day, every day she tells me she loves me so much. It took me years to figure out that doesn't make everything she put me through right, or forgivable. So there's a certain cathartic aspect in some of what I make. While not the exact same scenarios, it helps. Can't explain in detail why, would just bore, and it's too personal anyways.

Why I constantly joke about "my therapist says toxic ribbun is good for me." Art therapy all that jazz.

Anyways, I don't really know why I'm posting this. Awhile back someone left a comment on one of my "toxic ribbun" pieces, that has probably since been deleted because I can't find it again, but one point they said in it, "I feel seen in this." Hope who ever said that is doing alright out there and life takes it easy on you.

I think about that comment a lot. For a lot of different reasons, I hope they're okay out there. But it reminded me the value in all sorts of different stories. Different portrayals. And how it can make us feel less alone. I've always liked making sad stories, I feel guilty for writing so many sad stories, I think about how awful the stuff I went through made me feel, why am I putting my favorite characters through that. I don't know, but it helps apparently somehow. I guess I'm glad it's helped others too. Maybe one day I'll be in a place where I can make happier stories but right now these are what I want to tell and I'm just glad what I'm telling now maybe still has value in some way, even if it's just one or two people.

Then there are also some people who say things like "this is me fr" and I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT IS THIS SOMETHING YOU TOO WENT THROUGH AND ARE JUST VOICING IT IN A COMEDIC MANNER BECAUSE IT HELPS ? ARE YOU JUST JOKING? ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW?! ARE YOU OKAY??? DO WE NEED TO FIND HELP FOR YOU PLEASE FIND PEOPLE YOU TRUST TO HELP YOU PLEASE BE OKAY OH GOD. I'M TYPING IN CAPS TO MAKE THIS A LITTLE MORE COMEDIC BUT GENUINELY I HOPE ALL OF YOU ARE OKAY OUT THERE

[one-strugling-bean]

So.

I finished the 4th season (MAG #160)

......I'm unwell

(part 3 of my Magnus Archives experience)

Ahhhhh where do i even start???? Ok, ok I think I'll start with the lesser things

First off, right off the bat, RIP Tim. More than ever, now I know he didn't have to die and I am so so sad he did..... Flirty boi deserved so much better u^u

Martin collected many moments of badassery throughout the 3rd and 4th seasons. Im so proud of his growth. Not him burning statements and snipping back at Elias - ahhhhhh he was so coooool, I wish someone else was there so that they could tell him! And when he made Fairchild sit back down to finish answering Martin's questions, I swear I got chills!!

Anyway. I continue being a fierce Martin fan, nothing new there

What is new is my newfound adoration for Daisy. Seriously. She's my baby now. Idc what happens or who dies, she needs to end this story okay :'))))

No, im 200% serious, if Daisy doesn't survive to the end, im def going to cry. Because i can totally see her being the "sacrifice herself so that everyone else will have a chance" type.

I swear she was the only one holding the brain cell power this season –  and FINALLY, someone who's not Martin is not being a bitch to Jon!!!

I wasn’t even expecting Jon to be able to bring her back. Much less for them to become supportive avatar besties! I’m so glad the writer decided to take that turn with her. It’s really satisfying from a narrative standpoint to have Daisy of all people do a whole 180 on her standpoint with Jon.

Idk, i just really liked her this season. She deserves all the hugs. So she gets a meme :)

Basira, on the other hand, fell a bit for me, but i think that was kind of the point. She was fierce and stony and nearly zero compassionate, – very Gertrude-ish of her –  but after everything that’s happened, i can't really blame her :/

Im just here praying to everything that the cop ladies can get a modicum of a happy ending

And just so I round up the gang, im scared for Melanie... She is now blind and also has (had?) a monster as a therapist. And Georgie doesn't feel fear which makes them even less likely to sense danger if it comes for them. I hope they're able to push through whatever season 5 throws at them

Okay. So only Jon is lef now. What can i say about him tho?? I mean, i can say he's been going through it.

Like, I spent my whole time hearing this podcast lowkey making fun of him for collecting beatdowns from pretty much every character - AND IT TURNS OUT IT WASN’T EXACTLY JOKING MATTER AND WAS ACTUALLY PLOT RELEVANT??

WHAT IS THIS SORCERY AND WHY IS IT MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR VOICES ON MY PHONE??

I just feel so bad for Jon. The guy did not deserve all of this. He really was a lamb to the slaughter—a poor wet cat, an eternal damsel in distress, the Antichrist…?

That last statement from Elias/Jonah is so good tho. Like, objectively. I love it. Not only does it take the listener in a nice little trip down memory lane - nostalgia is always fun - but its also just. So evil.

They really gave us such a sweet start – Martin and Jon bunking together in a cabin in Scotland(?) seemingly happy and it's all "uwu, they sho cute, yada yada- and then BAM!! APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN!"

(i could literally be here for hours coming up with titles for Jon. he makes it too easy.)

Elias though...... I was spoiled that he was Jonah Magnus halfway through season 2 or so, so the reveal wasn't a big deal for me. I wonder how shattering it was for listeners when it first dropped though... At least he upped his villainy cred this season. Suits him better than the "unbothered neutral/evil stand-by" vibe he gave before.

And one last character thing, I fell in love with Peter so quickly. His lines were all gold and his delivery even more so. He just had that unflappable vibe to him. Like he didnt have a care in the world.

Oh, and him and Elias totally had ex-wives who spent the last 10 years fighting about who gets what in the divorce energy.

No, i will not elaborate.

Uhhhhh yeah. I grew to appreciate Helen more and more every time they showed up. Simon Fairchild was surprisingly fun for an old man, Gerry deserved the freaking world (thank you so much Jon for burning that page) and i think that’s kinda it on my favorite “creatures and associates”

Im super excited for this last stretch. i wonder if TMA will stick the landing. I sure hope it does, and honestly trust it will.

Anywayyyyyy, off i go for those last 40 episodes. Wish me luck!

Finish testimony, or whatever

[slowdripsunrise]

oop okay i havent updated this in longer than i thought lol. spoilers under the cut !

finally read the starless sea by erin morgenstern ! good lord beautiful writing, beautiful imagery, and the stories nestled in between the main plot were so entertaining, just as much as the main storyline. characters were sweet, i wasn't in love with the romance subplot but like. the setting, the books, OUHG. that's really what i was focused on so if other aspects lacked. i dont care tbh. entertaining and fun and just overall gorgeous. not what i was expecting but a pleasant surprise.

next i read godkiller by hannah kaner, also a pleasant surprise ! the world was fun and the characters were interesting, and i'm curious to read the sequel !!! not much else to say about it tbh it was a fun fantasy read and also the audiobook slayed.

next i read the centre by ayesha manazir siddiqi and oml went into this knowing it was about language and well yes. but it's also about a failgirl and her questionable decisions and well i do like that. it's not my favorite but like yeah. yeah i get it. i think sometimes for me when i read books about women that just suck i find it a bit too relatable and start to hate the book like. i start thinking about my failures and problems instead of the characters and then im not interested in the book anymore. especially if the failgirl in question has money. its like well just shut up. sorry thats rude people with money can be sad but also like thats a book character so i dont care shut up. anyway this book was also about language so i liked it !! and cannibalism which was also fun. i loved the conversations about translation as consumption and translation as violence. i'm thinking about becoming a linguistics major at my local college so like. much to think about and digest (lol) i think topics like this are really interesting. overall a fun read !!!

after that i read a teeny tiny little short story the only harmless great thing by brooke bolander and GOD it was so good. like damn the pov changes between the elephants and the humans and like the nuclear waste warning and the elephant's stories and just uhg. ouhg. definitely recommend as like a sad bittersweet aching story

finally, i most recently read everyone in this room will someday be dead by emily austin and well. i'm writing this as a time killer so i don't look like i've just been crying when i go out to register my car LOL. like the beginning didn't quite hook me but im so glad i stuck through because i was absolutely sobbing by the end of it. like full on ugly crying. the characters were all lovely and real even tho some of them were bigoted like barney ... i hope he lives well even if hes super homophobic the author made me feel for every character. and the mc at first i didn't love her because i couldn't quite grasp her reasoning behind some of her decisions or her situation, but once i got further in i really started to see myself in her. which okay going back to the last book like i know i said i didn't like books that are just about failgirls well this one was different...... idk it just hit me the right way. the way she cared so much for every single living being around her made me care for them too, flop the bunny, mittens the cat, grace and rosemary, jeff, etc. like. pretty much every time she cried in the book i was also crying. which is like a lot. i also okay and i haven't examined this fully with myself but i really saw myself in her in regards to her depression and anxiety (i know these are not her only issues but these are just the ones i relate to specifically) and i can't help but reflect on how some of her choices, i probably also would have made if i wasn't were i am today, or if i wasn't medicated, or seeing a therapist, and that i've come pretty far from where i started. which feels really fucking nice. anyways i would recommend reading this if u like sad stories about sad girls that find themselves in The Situationstm. also if you've taken your anxiety meds. bc i forgot and my heart was pounding along with the mcs the entire time almost to the point where i had to put it down lol.

[antiendovents]

*buries face in pillow and screams* ok I'm sorry for that message lol evalynn took control and I'm still making sure she didn't fuck up anything on my computer but lol yeah. don't worry I'm not mad at her just kinda embarrassed. I love her but she is a headache sometimes (affectionately). she also gets attached to people very quickly sorry lol (evalynn if you read this i love you its ok I'm not mad just um remember to wait five minutes before you make a decision to see if it still sounds like a good idea but I promise its fine)

anyway um yeah. Eva wants to change her name to sunny, short for sunflower. shell probably go by both (Eva and sunny) depending on the mood.

I'm doing well! I took my brother and his friend to the museum. it was nice. I like my brother very much, he's a pretty good human. hbu?

we (system 'we' now, not brother 'we') talked to another alter we don't talk to often. shes pretty uhhh stressy depressy. evalynn doesn't like her very much because she reminds evalynn of her (evalynn's) worse moments. Eva prefers to stay away, but shes politely pleasant to her. Saturn gets her best I think. she (stressy depressy alter) has done a lot for me cus she basically keeps a lot of our sadness and trauma and she helped us a lot when we were having a depressive episode last year cuz that's basically her default mode, but we all are trying very hard to make sure she stays pretty quiet because we don't want to feel like that. I feel kinda bad for making her keep all of this, but I cant help without getting hurt too. yeah. she goes by Dark (may change her name later, she doesn't wanna reveal her real name), btw. rn shes using she/her, but sometimes its he/him or they/them.

sooo yeah. that's us. Eva is feeling lovely rn. I'm just chilling. saturn is lying facedown on the floor listening to music. (saturn is overstimulated and tired). evalynn is building a dollhouse from blocks she painted pink.

update: Saturn is no longer listening to music. Saturn is imagining music. dad stole our spotify. (-Eva/sunny)

we think were gonna make another blog for a headmate named רונה. (if you google translate this name pls don't share it this is my irl name and its very personal to me but this alter doesn't like going by anything but that name). she speaks only Hebrew, and some very bad English, so that's gonna be fun. I suppose she could speak English cuz we share the same brain and all but it makes her feel like throwing up so she doesn't. anyway. she wants to say hi.

שלום!!!!! השם שלי רונה!!!!! רוצים ליהיות חברות??? להיתרות!!!!! י

so yeah that was her. btw what she said was "hello!!!!! my name is רונה!!!!! wanna be friends??? See you later/bye!!!!" that last part deosnt translate too well to english but yeah. anyway. ttyl! byeeeeeee!!! <333

-🌌🌠 system (cuz r still doesn't have an emoji code lol) (oh hey Saturn. feeling better?) (hey. yeah, thx.) (awesome. <333) (<3)

its fine! We found the message quite sweet! And we get it, some of us get attached easily too! I hope she didn't mess anything up on the computer, that wouldn't be great!

Also sunflower / sunny is a great name !! :D we have an alter named sunny, kind of. He only lets his best friend call him it though-

We're glad you're doing well and that sounds pretty fun! We're personally okay, trying desperately to salvage our sleep schedule lol

Also that is interesting, I'm glad Dark managed to help you guys get through that and I understand why you'd feel bad but I want you to know it's not your fault. Alters have roles and even if it's unfavorable someone has to do it. Just make sure she knows y'all are grateful (that's the only advice I can give as an alter with a similar kind of job lol). Don't try help her if it hurts, wait until you're in a safe environment and able to do to so (preferably wait until you have a therapist, if you don't have one already (if you do wait until you can manage a session about it, this kind of stuff is best done with a professional, though if y'all do try healing by yourselves we won't judge either))

It's good that Eva is feeling good, hah I said good twice lol. I hope Saturn is doing okay and that Evalynn is having fun!

Also that's fair enough. We have some alters that are uncomfortable with the English language too, though we don't know any other language (not fluently anyways) so they usually just end up not speaking at all or making animal sounds-

And hi! We'd love to be friends and bye! :3

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Ayyy honeymoon :D!!

Ooh vlog style :o

Ope o.o

Uhhh xd nah something sus is going on lol

Um o.o

Nope y'all nahh xd

UH OH UM

Nah creepy masks a i n ' t i t .

Aww ay hey guys :D love them :)

Ooh backup 👀👀

We love getting to see some of the others as well :DD

Uh oh guys this is not good o.o

YOO they're actually gonna come yess :DD

OHH GOSH

Y'all cannot just have one normal thing can you xD

Poor babies 😭 they goin through it as always xd

At least it wasn't some terrible big scheme on their wedding itself lol

Just random stuff and a small bad thing xD

OPE GUYS O.O

Okay, that's the last of my promo thoughts, now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

Not quite as fancy as my 911 or tgd ones lol, more like the normal ones, just with the end of a liveblog as well :).

I made a post about this before coming back to this one, but happy 100th episode all!! Lowkey forgot this was the 100th anniversary lol. But it makes so much sense and it was a GREAT 100th episode :D.

I love that everyone had their little moment (at least): James with the music, Wesley with Oscar, Luna with her college classes, etc :). And just Randy, Chastity, Oscar, and Henry BEING there lol. Though to clarify Oscar was not at the wedding xD. But seriously, I really loved all the cameos and little character moments this episode :)).

Also CHENFORD AAAHHHH!!! Their MOMENTS this episode y'all I was losing it xD. I do kinda wish it hadn't been that Tim isn't supporting her despite thinking he is, though? Because the vibes last episode were just really on Tim's side, I guess, and now they're just tossing him into "bad guy" a bit. But, I think it'll work out in the end. I'm also glad Chastity brought up that Lucy could also be scared! I think that's a real possibility :). Anyway, they were ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE and whether it was the first time in universe or not, WHOOO FIRST I LOVE YOU!! And it was so cute :'D. Also the dance 😭😭😭❤️ stop I'm not okay :').

BAILEY AND JOHN ARE MARRIED!!! WHOOOOOO :'DDDD!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎉🥂🎂🥂🥰❤️❤️🥰. I'm so happy for them :'DD

They might not be my favorite couple on the show but I still love them and this has been a long time coming. I'm also glad that despite all the issues they still had the wedding and everything was okay and beautiful 🥰🥰. Thank goodness they actually had it and we saw it lol (looking at you Wopez - still mad at the writers for that). Also I'm SO EXCITED for the next episode with their honeymoon :D.

I felt so bad for Celina and Aaron this episode 😭. Aaron because poor boy is going through it and misreading signals/situations xd, and Celina because she's trying to be there for him and do what's best and she as also, you know, kidnapped and beat up xD. But, I think they'll make it through it :).

Really though Aaron you need to talk to your therapist 😭. It's dangerous going out when you know you're not healing :(. Hope he learns it soon D':.

I loved all the togetherness moments this episode!! The bachelor and bachelorette parties (y'all I can't articulate it beyond loving individual characters and them all hanging out but oUAGH chomping on it)/last minute preparations xD were SO GOOD!! And the wedding, especially the dancing :'D. AUOGH, I love them <333. And of course the final mission at the end - they slay together :DD. Also, I'm glad Celina's okay :')).

Don't even get me started on the Wopez/Wesley angst. Y'all I'm about to have so many thoughts about them moving forward (even more than usual/always xD). Like! AUGH! OSCAR!! SITTING ACROSS FROM HIM!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED FOR THIS

Where's the panic attack Rookie <33

Where's the panic attack writers 🥰🥰 where is it :))

I'm kidding xD kind of lol. But seriously, the angst thoughts are turning (the wheels are turning) :DD. And don't forget about Angela either lol

Anyway! Everybody slayed this episode and I REALLY enjoyed it :D. I'm SOO excited for the next one :)). Also, again (mentioned it in the liveblog or just before), I don't know that I've ever gotten to watch it live before, so this was the perfect episode to get to do it :D.

Loved the episode!!!

Happy 100th Episode guys 🥂🥰🥰. I love this show and you all so much :DD.

See you next time!!

[imagineitdearies-old]

I'm a lurker on this site but i wanted to drop by and say that the dynamic you've created with Aemond and Luke is sooooo impressively complex and layered- and so drenched in miscommunication and blockages and issues. I just read on Twitter (lol) about emotionally damaged people wanting their partners to prove their love to them because they feel they do not deserve it- and how that can be soo harmful. Obvs in the context of GOT and D+S and all of the twisted stuff aemond had gone through and heard its a lot more serious (he is so crazy love it). But yeah.

Wonderful wonderful job! I'm excited to see where this goes and if they can talk for real and sort this out because while I AMMM not gonna lie I'm a little upset with luke (I'm an emotional person swayed by aemonds pov.. i know rhae and luke will sort this out i believe it with myy tender heart) I feel as if this has a lot more to it than just aemond kind of dooming it from the start with his insecurities.

By that I mean, he seemed to always be waiting for something terrible to happen, looking for evidence to feed his insecurity and his anxiety and post-trauma. And this is just.. gasoline to those flames in his mind. He's like: Luke has just confirmed everything I've been saying in my own head.

Where are the westerosi therapists? These mfs need COUNSELLING! Hahaha. And alicent of course. I love her so much I could weep for her! It's like 4am and I have really bad insomnia so I re read the entirety of D+S and while I am a little glad that rhaenyra can comfort and help alicent my girl, I know it is also a big trauma in itself to have your secrets in the open like that in such a tense and emotional context too. I hope she's okay.

Anyways thanks for reading (?) This novel length ask you're doing sooooo amazing- love love love it. And love the fight in the comments LOL!

Hey, this was all so kind and sweet!! I feel ya on the insomnia--I have a 7:30am job so I basically just live off anxiety and bursts of mania until I can sleep through the weekend, lol.

Yes, 'prove your love by doing xx' is a really toxic thing to ask for. And ineffective--Aemond's not thinking very clearly (lol), but IF Luke gave him what he wanted I think he'd feel momentary satisfaction at best. He told himself in that scene that he wasn't blackmailing Luke like he could have, but it was still emotional blackmail and they wouldn't have walked away closer. In fact, I can't see them recovering from it.

Then there's Luke who HAD the knife in case Aemond really couldn't forgive/move forward without using it, so he was very ready to feed into this toxic idea himself--until Aemond completely blindsided him of course by taking it a step farther/worse 😂 If this was a modern!AU you can BETCHA the happy ending would involve therapy, lol.

As I've told others, you are very welcome to take Aemond's side. He's got the least power in their dynamic and the most emotional baggage, and readers have all the context for the choices he's made right now. AND Luke hasn't been entirely forthcoming about his family (even if it was in the name of protecting them), so this situation acting like gasoline is an apt metaphor to Aemond's short fuse personality, lol.

Alicent deserves all the soft, good things, I just want to wrap her up in a blanket next to a cozy fire, make her some relaxing tea and stroke her hair 🥺 not saying that's exactly what Rhaenyra is up to off screen right now, haha, but she's certainly not yelling at her I promise. The gals are better off than the guys atm, haha.

I'm loving reading everyone's thoughts here and in the comments (for the most part lol), while you've been busy rereading D&S I've been busy rereading those!!

[1d1195]

Okay so this part was SOOO GOOD! I'm literally BUZZING with their reunion! I think it’s just so cute that she has kept so many notebooks about her and Harry even after all this time😭This speaks to the journal obsessed part of me lol and the fact that she thinks he’s moved on is CRAZY but im not surprised since she did get insecure about their relationship(fuck Lauren lol) so I ger her! The detail of the pic on the figure was just so 💔 bc MY MAN WOULD HAVE AND WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF HER😭 oh and that little part about how ‘hope” feels, bestie that was such a beautiful way to explain it! 

also the image of Harry in a fireman uniform… yeah I just know he’s so😵‍💫 is it kind of creepy he knew where she would be? Yeah but like idgaf THEY ARE SOULMATES so I'm choosing to believe that their bond was calling him to go there lol the KITTEN NAME DROP AFTER SO MANY YEARS MY HEART😭 but ugh god the mention of Lauren still being somewhat close to her MAKES ME WANT  TO SCREAM!!!(trust me I love it for the plot) Now I loved their balcony moment and it was nice to see how his instinct was just to take care of her! Oh tell me why I was giggling so hard about everyone’s reaction to Harry sending that text! And you know I love a good jealousrry moment even if it’s small! Though I did love the mention of how each of them mourns the loss of their friendship with her differently and going through a friendship breakup is just as painful! Was so sad for Louis :( BUT OVERALL I LIVED FOR THIS SAM!! So well written and I'm so excited where this story is going to go! Very excited!!! Loved it so much!

Hope you have a lovely and relaxing weekend! Wishing you the best! LOVE YOU!!-��

I realized I was writing almost entirely from Harry's POV. I try REALLY hard to split the POVs from Harry and my MC. This part was completely uneven even after I added her part, but it just was SO much better from his perspective lol. But I did end up really loving the part I wrote from her POV. I thought the notebooks were a cute touch and I actually am really proud of the candle/hope analogy 😭🙈 sometimes I get an idea in my head and I'm like "It would be so cool if I could come up with something profound right now. Like John Green saying 'slowly, then all at once'." I'm not sure I'll ever get that, but I'll keep trying. But humbly, I do surprise myself with what I come up with solely because I have this moment of clarity where I'm like "Okay, I'm writing Harry Styles fanfic do I need to inform the masses about how I think roses are prickly and wildflowers are strong?" probs not. But it happens I suppose.

Spoiler/not spoiler I'm really looking forward to writing about her finding out that Harry hasn't moved on even a little 🤭 I'm glad you liked the journaling part! Our little writer girly wouldn't do anything less I don't think. I don't know if I knew you were a journal-er! I need to start keeping notes of you on my computer to consult after a year 😭 It would look like this:

has 4 dogs that don't like fireworks

studies psych (and takes way too many classes)

enjoys drag brunches and record stores

Paramore [Wikipedia page biographer?]

journals

enjoys thrifting (and can alter her finds!?)

Anti-Victoria's Secret

has a competent MALE therapist

But anyway 😭 I know you're more than this and I would so add more but it's a good starting point to keep track of things 💕

I probably glossed over the explanation of him just knowing where she was so YES we should assume it's just that soulmate connection that brought him to her. I SWEAR I saw an AI photo of him in a firefighting uniform. I'm also DESPERATELY trying to get on fireman TikTok for inspo and for my own personal gain 👀👀

I know we hate Lauren lol it's so funny what you guys pick up on because I don't even THINK about her at all when I think of this series 😭

I believe so fully that Harry would be the kind of guy that lays his jacket down on a puddle for her to walk across (probs shouldn't have said that, now I gotta come up with another analogy to write 🤣) so I wanted him to just fall right back into being so infatuated with her and taking care of her immediately. I figured I needed a mood lightener and them all worried about Harry was the best I could do on short notice 😅 I like to keep the friends in my stories as mostly minor characters (except for Traditional) mainly because I struggle to sustain prolonged interactions with others (I just want all my couples to live in their own little love bubbles). UGH I wanted to make him more jealous! But I think rationally, he wouldn't be jealous of his friends. Maybe I'll do it for the next part hehehehehe As it is not in my notes above, I believe I recall that you weren't TOTALLY into 1D but Louis was always denoted as the goofball and I think that was a gross underestimation of his emotions (see also the times I've said his lyrics are 👌) ANYWAY

Thank you for attending this week's book club 💕

FINALLY A QUIET WEEKEND 🎉 Hope yours is good too! 💕

xoxo

P.S. In true-Sam fashion, my lack of feedback on this part is making me so sad and feeling like it's an absolute flop. I wish I didn't write so much sometimes because my series tend to start off SO good but fizzle by the end. My one-shots do SO much better. But I want MORE to happen. Maybe I'm just bad at having stories progress? I know, I know, notes aren't everything and summer is a weird time for people and I know with Harry being MIA in real life people are missing him and not writing as much and also not reading as much. But yeah, it's part of why my updates are far between :/

[mostlymalena]

April 13th 2024 10:50pm

Just got done eating G out. Wonderful and tasty per usual. She is asleep next to me, and she is really pretty.

It has been a while, apologies, I have been so empty but a candle has been relit inside my soul. Why? NO IDEA LMAO. I'm just waking up again and thank god bc the last couple weeks have been an empty shallow hole.

Do I have tea to spill. Remember rine?? Of course you do since ive been writing about her for some time now!!! We had our lovely sleepover and the NEXT FUCKING DAY I get the wonderful news this bitch has a FUCKING BOYFRIEND LMAO and for some time too!!!!! I was so upset tbh bc why is this such a pattern?!?!?! Anyways I confronted her at Reggies bc she was meeting me there and we had talked about her sleeping over that night. She confirmed it and I walked away and left instantly to bluepost. We have not spoken since and will not. I get to bluepost and Gracie is there. I tell her immedielty what has happened and she makes me feel better. Out of the corner of my eye I see something slither into view dressed like a distressed scarecrow. Who else but Belle, parks her 2by4 ass across from me and Gracie and just idk.. keeps and eye on us?? Just stares. I do not know if P is there but I do not stick around to find out. Me and Gracie leave and she sleeps over.

G and I have been hanging again on account of my therapist telling me that shutting down and cutting people out of my life the second I feel vulnerable is not a good thing. Wild huh. She said I need to give Gracie a chance to let me forgive her. Uncomfortable but will give it a shot. We are hanging but I will continue to accept dates from other people. G is such a safe space for me to be goofy and relax.

No feelings of passion or romance have stirred inside me yet. Those have laid dormant since November and I fear every day they have been lost for good. I really hope not.

TOTALED MY CAR LMAO. It has been a shit two weeks ngl. I am just so lost but did all my dishes and felt hope in the world. I will find a job and I'll be okay. Argentina is so soon and I cannot wait!!!!

Went out to opera room with the crew friday to support my friend who is a DJ. She did great but saw several ops. Confronted this one dude who I know has been talking shit and spreading rumors and he apologized. Also talk to Emma - graces recent ex to make sure she knew even though it's weird and uncomfortable there is no bad blood and I have 0 issues with her. That went well and we ended the convo with a hug.

Today we had a soccer game and won then O and I took a nap and when we woke up me, Ethan, and Gracie went and got pizza. Zach!!!! A tender man who I fumbled 2/3 years ago which I will always regret WAS WORKING THERE!!!! I saw him and went outside and waited lmao. He has a beautiful gf of like 1 or so years now and I'm glad he is happy.

we all got ice cream after and I chose the rankest flavor called blueberry basil. Tasted like a salad dressing RIP. Got home drank Diet Coke and smoked on the porch and now Im catching up on writing and thoughts before watching 500 days of summer and going to sleep! Feeling settled and content.

[kairosclerosis--liberosis]

November 2023

Before anything else, I am devastated about Palestine, and continuously try to share and search information through all my other social medias. Honestly, it's haunting to think about the holidays with what's happening to them and other parts of the world that are violently mistreated over and over again. I crave for humanity to come together to end all wars and just have peace for once. I just wanted to express this before this month's post.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November was a long one, so long in fact- I started writing this post on the 16th.

There's this amazingly annoying thing that always happens to me around this time of the year, and that's that I start reflecting a little too much on my past. I mean, I tend to do this a lot but now, I've recently discovered (thanks to my therapist) that these repetitive, tiring, and lingering thoughts might be chalked up to something chemically wrong with me, which honestly feels like a relief compared to me feeling like I can't just let sh*t go. Basically, she thinks I may have a form of OCD (I legit don't care about sharing this because being vocal about mental health has always been top priority to me).

So, I've been assigned this task where every time I feel anxious or see myself grasping on to the same things for way too long, I have to write it down. So, look out world! If you see me outside writing down on a tiny white notebook, that's literally me documenting my anxiety.

Anyways, I'm eager to keep getting to the bottom of this, because it is exhausting always wondering how one scenario could've played out 34,958 different ways, among other things. I sometimes sense that it also has a lot to do with untreated trauma. My whole life I've just kind of sprinted on to the next thing instead of taking a moment and really digest what I just went through, and I think it's all catching up to me now that I live a calm life- which is ironic.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm unhappy, in fact- it's actually that I'm so genuinely glad for where I am now, that it kind of triggers my nervousness of it being taken away from me.

Anyways, I've been keeping more track of that part of me, I guess it's all part of the healing journey.

It's now the 20th, and I've been actively keeping myself busy and filling up my days with chores or just stepping outside and breathing fresh air (I stay indoors 5/7 days a week because of work so...that's something). I'm also still on a weight-loss/fitness journey and I don't talk about it on social media but I've lost over 30 pounds and am currently in my "ideal" weight- according to my nutritionist. This took a year. I've never been a thin person, and I don't think I ever will, but I do feel stronger and a bit more toned, which is nice.

College is blegh. I honestly just want to graduate. The education system on this island is not getting any better and it's concerning. I hope to be done by May.

I've been getting into Audiobooks lately and I love it! It's a great way to catch up with all the reads I just can't get around to. So far I've heard "The Woman In Me" by Britney Spears and "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy. Both were super impactful and worth the listen. I have a few other books lined up before the year ends.

Oh! I'm officially traveling again soon. It'll be over a year since I last left the island and I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be my first ever girls trip! I'm nervous but also excited.

Thanksgiving is this week and all I can say is that I'm grateful for the way life has played out for me, the good and the bad, it has all led me to where I am now, and who I am today. I'm grateful for the people in my life, my husband, my fur babies, my home...I'm grateful to be alive.

I hope you, reader, are doing okay as well.

Here's wishing for the world to get a bit better each day.

[heybekindtoyourmind]

And so it begins..

Been meaning to make this blog since undergrad but life has a funny way of delaying projects so here we are. I won't say much about myself because it's better that way. Plus, this isn't about me, it's about mental health, therapy, and other things. Just know, i'm a kind hearted, neurodivergent, she/her that loves psychology so much I hyperfixated my way into a degree in it.

If you're skeptical, I get it. Whether it's from personal experience or someone you know, therapy isn't viewed as a solution, right? Been there, trust me. I won't become pretentious or a know-it-all because I want my influence to expand perspectives on mental health. And hell, to be honest, it's better to *not* know everything anyway. We're always learning to be better every day and all I want, is for you to be better for yourselves. Not for me, a friend, your parents, partner, or whoever but for the MOST important person that matters in this, you.

This isn't a self help blog because those are placebos to me. You take the sugar pill and suddenly the symptoms go away because their instructions made me BELIEVE and hope for a better beginning. And if they have, I'm happy for you! I just live by the philosophy of being pessimistically optimistic in this life. Guess where I got that from? My therapist. lol

First thing she said to me when i sat down was "I'm not here to help you, I'm here to listen." And i'm glad she went that route. I didn't feel alone in my sessions, i felt safe. It wasn't fun at all and it's not supposed to be. But we'll dive deep into my therapy sessions as time goes on with this blog.

My hope is that I can help anyone out there that feels isolated, undervalued or lost. Or just make you think for a minute or two about a post I've made. Influence is powerful, I'm here to use mine for what it intended to do.

So welcome, everyone. Let's learn and grow together, okay?

And remember...

Be kind to your mind, always. 🤎

[saintobio]

I have high hopes that y/n didn’t do that. Personally, I don’t think she would spite him even after all he’s put her through, unless it concerns her health. Even then I still have doubts, she’s very selfless. Then there’s the dialogue between his two best friends. I do recall you saying that they’re soulmates but everything’s is wrong timing for them a while back, so I’m kinda glad she asked for a divorce. In my opinion their relationship was toxic even after the whole Sera ordeal was over, it just seemed like the only thing that could “patch them up” so to say, for y/n and gojo was that baby. And moving her into the mansion he was planning on moving in with sera? My guy…he clearly needs more time to change.

Anonymous said

I can't see y/n giving up that child. She'd risk the labor at the cost of her life. She loves the baby, and no matter how much Gojo hurt her, she'd reason that the child is innocent.

Shoko's behavior... her dad's... I think she's going to have the kid still, but she's too scared to let Gojo be a part of it because she can't trust him with her and the child (just like she said.) I think the "abortion" might have been a ploy to get him to agree to a divorce and/or keep him in the dark about the child. WHICH, I read it closely but I'm hella dyslexic so I think I saw that he never agreed to one or signed any papers right? They're still married? And he hasn't been going out so there's no way he got "served"?

Anonymous said

okay what was shoko tryna say tho?? “it’s not what it seems”????🤨 I’m kinda doubtful reader actually had the abortion.. my heart hurts so much for satoru even though he’s a dick. mans really bought us the mansion he imagined living in with sera… ughhhh tojixreader arc when

Anonymous said

Honestly I think y/n kept the baby. She probably lied to get Gojo to leave her alone, she’s leaving so she can continue the rest of her pregnancy term in peace so she can give birth safely. I just can’t see y/n killing her baby bc of its father’s mistake, u all saw how she cherishes the baby. I feel so bad for gojo tho, he has lost his second family, his reputation is ruined and he believes his baby is dead. U really ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it huh?😭 crying, throwing up, sliding down my the wall dramatically, banging my head on the wall, ripping my hair out, screaming, punching air, and coughing. If u hate us just say that🧍‍♀️

@el13 said

YOU SAID WE COULD HANDLE IT, I COULD NOT HANDLE IT omfg I didn't see that coming. Whether she decided to stay with him or not, I really didn't think she would have an abortion (unless🤔). But holy shit, I feel so much pain for him. I guess sometimes the timing and circumstances just aren't right. Anyways I'm gonna cry myself to sleep now- 😭✌️

Anonymous said

why do i feel like she's keeping the baby but she just doesnt wanna tell mr gojo the dumbass bitch? 😈😈 i think this chapter hurts a whole of a lot but having to be here since wastelands made me numb as fuck, other than that, another amazing chapter saint 💗 ily, *kiss kiss*

Anonymous said

This chapter hurt a LOT but I think they divorcing is for the best like when you think about it their marriage was so stained with Gojos mistakes and there was no way y/n would ever trust him completely.I know many people think Gojo deserves all this pain and he does but I also think he deserves to get somehow a “happy” ending , I hope he gets therapist and learns to love himself and not to be so codependent of others. He has a lot of work to do and for y/n ( I have the theory she didn’t get an abortion pretty sure she’s moving and raising the child by herself and if she did get one good for her too bc she should always prioritize herself) I hope she finds someone who loves her unconditionally and gives her what she deserves ( if that man is toji or not it really doesn’t matter to me) and I also hope she heals from all the pain Gojo put her thru , she deserves nothing but happiness . And just a final note! The way you write angst is AMAZING!!!

Anonymous said

I wonder if mc rlly went thru with the abortion? if that makes sense, I just feel like it’s very out of character for them. I’m excited to see ch20 !! I love ur writing style it’s so heartbreaking yet beautiful

Anonymous said

Saint… wtf was this? This was so sad omg😢, Satoru’s really going through the shit, but so is Y/N. Ahhh and the little munchkin too🥺?? This was a ton to take in at one time omg. I’m holding out a small amount of hope that the baby isn’t really gone and they are just keeping them away from Gojo, but ik it’s a long shot. I really hope both him and Y/N get a chance to heal from all this, but once again, Gojo really did this to himself (and Y/N) he didn’t have to marry her and treat her like that, but he did and I don’t think he’ll be able to move on with his life and start his healing process until he acknowledges it and stops trying to find an excuse for it. As for Sera… well, I don’t think anybody just deserves to be treated as badly as that, she better understand that’s what she gets for messing around with a married man. She should’ve known better and then treating Y/N like shit… when she was nothing but kind and understanding… yeah I don’t wanna she deserves all of what’s going on considering her situation, but at the same time it’s a lesson learned (Especially with the whole Naoya thing, cause 😬 that was just embarrassing). Anyway, I hope Y/N has a chance to heal and recover from both her angina and her mess of a marriage. Question: did Y/N get the surgery to get rid of her angina? Or is she still waiting? Where is Y/N gonna travel to? And how did Toji react to everything that’s going on? But all in all, this was an amazing chapter Saint, and I really appreciate you doing this on your time when you feel like it. It makes it even more special that you share your talents with us ❤️. Get plenty of rest and drink water ❤️❤️❤️

@minaces said

Pls why do I have a feeling this miraculous fanfiction baby of 5 months somehow lived ??? (Idk how incubation works !!!!!!!!) but like she's leaving the country ,,,, and shoko's little "trust me" just leaves me thinking . . .

I'm like gaslighting myself into thinking that the baby somehow lived idk why I got so attached to this fanfiction fetus

Anonymous said

i will believe there was no abortion, that’s why y/n is going away, and they just wanted to make satoru suffer. yes.

AH BUT FR THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER I CANT STOP CRYING

i felt it all the way to the core. you get to understand gojo’s pain. but i still believe y/n decision were wise and we do not have the reasoning behind them since we just got gojo’s pov.

if he actually proceeded with his actions it would all be in vain, for he would just be escaping the consequences of his actions

AGGGHH im such a sucker for you and your writing

these are all rly good theories you guys !! they’re very interesting to read but i can’t confirm anything rn </3 i’m glad to know that the angst delivered tho 🥺 tysm

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [five] // daisy johnson

summary: the longer Daisy spends with you, the more you realise that maybe nine years isn't enough time to get over her.

warning/s: mentions of PTSD.

author's note: this is the final part, but it was a little long so i’ve put it into two posts. hopefully the daisy stans appreciated it 😊

part one | part two | part three | part four | part six | masterlist | wattpad

I woke with a start, immediately feeling my hair sticking to the nape of my neck and the need to shake off my duvet.

The fear of my nightmare still implanted in the pit of my stomach made me reach for my bedside lamp. I half expected someone to grab my hand in the dark, my imagination working overtime to scare the living hell out of me, but nothing happened except for the lamp turning on.

I sat up in bed and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. It was just a dream, nothing real. And I knew that, logically, since I was in my childhood bedroom instead of a dark torture chamber. Yet I couldn't stop crying and imagining the worst.

It was getting worse – the nightmares, the anxiety, the nausea. Ever since Daisy and my mum had told me to see a therapist, I knew it was getting worse, but I still hadn't done anything about it. Clearly, things had to change.

Barely thinking about, I found myself grabbing my phone and dialling Daisy's number. I hadn't spoken to her since she came over, and it was my fault things had been left on a bad note. That was only last week and I felt like an idiot as I heard the phone ringing.

"Hello?" her groggy voice came through, and I immediately felt bad.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried to silence my heavy breathing. "Hey, Daisy. It's, er, it's Y/N. I'm sorry, I– I didn't mean to wake you. I–"

"Y/N?" she asked, voice laced with fatigue and confusion. "Are you okay? What is it? Where are you?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you," I said quickly, trying to maintain my shakiness. I brought my legs up to my chest and wrapped an arm around them tightly. "I'm at home. I just–" I flinched, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry, did I wake you? My parents gave me your number and I– I didn't know what else to do–"

"You don't need to apologise," she cut me off, wakening up a little by the sounds of it. "I'm glad you called. What's wrong?"

I smiled dryly, wiping away at my tears. "I, er, you were right about me. I should have–" I breathed out deeply. "I need to talk to someone about... yeah. But right now I... I can't go back to sleep."

"Do you want me to come over? I'm not far and–"

"No, no!" I said quickly, slightly embarrassed. "You don't need to– it's the middle of the night. I just– I don't know what I was expecting. I just didn't want to be alone and I didn't wanna wake my parents and worry them."

"Of course," she said reassuringly. "It's okay. I won't come, but I can stay on the phone with you if you'd like? We can talk. Or we can just stay silent. Anything you want."

I sniffled and put my head between my legs, feeling my shoulders relax a little. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother to her.

"Thanks," I muttered, and I wasn't even sure if she heard it. "I'm sorry for how I acted last week... with this."

"We don't need to talk about it," she said softly, her voice raspy as she'd just woken up. "I just want you to be okay."

I closed my eyes, breathing out quietly. I wasn't sure what to say, but the sound of her voice was instantly reassuring.

It was quiet between us, for at least another minute or so, and all I could hear was her breathing on the other side. As much as I appreciated the company, I knew it was unfair of me to keep her on the phone.

Swallowing hard, I said, "Daisy?"

"Yeah? Are you okay?"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, knowing I wasn't. "I don't think–" I sighed awkwardly. "I won't be falling asleep any time soon and I– er, you should go. I don't want to keep you on here for no reason."

"It's not for no reason," she reassured. "I'll stay on until you fall asleep, Y/N. You'll get tired eventually."

"But if I don't–"

"I'll stay on."

I nodded, despite her being unable to see me. "Thank you..."

It went quiet again, and I felt my heart rate returning to its normal pace as I distracted myself with the sound of Daisy's breathing. It wasn't hard to tire myself to the sound, as I was already exhausted, just scared. But when I closed my eyes and let her breathing comfort me, it almost felt like she was right next to me, and my fear slowly faded away.

—

When I woke up the next morning, I was drooling on my phone screen as the sun streamed through my curtains. When I wiped my mouth, a yawn escaped my lips and I moved my phone from my pillow, confused to why it was there. But then I remembered the early hours of that morning and felt my face flush with embarrassment. I checked the screen, seeing the call wasn't still on, but there was a text from Daisy.

Daisy: hey, Y/N, I hope you feel better in the morning. I figured you wouldn't want to wake up to me on the phone, so I hung up. Please don't be angry, but I'm on my way over to see you. I just want to make sure you're okay.

That message was sent fifteen minutes ago, so I wouldn't put it past Daisy to already be outside. It was embarrassing, don't get me wrong, but I appreciated that she cared enough to check on me, even after I'd treated her disrespectfully.

I'd just managed to brush my teeth when Daisy arrived. My mum called me downstairs, claiming it was for me, and I tried not to fidget in my pyjamas as I descended the stairs and saw Daisy waiting by the front door. When she saw me, a relieved smile was on her lips.

"Hey," she began quietly, hesitant to say more in case I was mad.

I exhaled slowly, shoulders relaxing at the sight of her. She'd helped me more than she'd known, and with that thought in my mind, I moved forward and hugged her gratefully.

"Thank you," I whispered into her shoulder, closing my eyes as my arms laced around her neck.

She returned the hug and I sensed her surprise.

"Anytime, Y/N," she replied with a squeeze. "I just want you to be okay."

I nodded, lingering for a moment longer than I probably should have, before pulling away. She searched my eyes with a hint of concern and I subconsciously grabbed her hand and kept ahold of it.

"I'm gonna book an appointment with a therapist," I told her, the thought terrifying me in itself, but I knew it was the right thing to do. "And I wanted to ask if you... would you..." I swallowed hard, suddenly unable to meet her eyes. "Will you please come with me?"

"Of course I will," she promised, squeezing my hand and earning my attention. "I'll be with you whenever you want." She blinked, clearing her throat with realisation. "I mean, for the appointments, obviously."

Thankfully, her messy words brought a smile to my face and reassured me about the whole therapy thing.

"Thank you," I said, finding it cute how she was the one to avoid my eyes now. "Since you're here, you may as well stay for breakfast. If you're not busy, that is."

"Breakfast. Sure. I'd love to."

I didn't let go of her hand as I tugged her towards the kitchen to join me.

—

Having Daisy back in my life was probably the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

Not only had she literally saved my life as Quake, but she was also saving my life every day after. Whether it was accompanying me to my therapist appointments or hospital appointments, or hanging out with me way more than she needed to, she was more present in my life. I didn't ask her to – it only began when I'd asked her to come to my first therapist appointment – but she'd chosen to. And I didn't want to question it because I'd missed her more than I cared to admit.

My parents took her in as family like no time had passed and I was accepting her back into my life, too, but I didn't want to get too attached. She had a job to do at the end of the day, and knowing Daisy, she wouldn't stay for too long. I guess, in the back of my head, there was still that expectation of her picking up and leaving, just like she used to. Which was silly, since that was years ago, but still...

Despite her presence in my life again, we'd been avoiding talking about what we'd missed in each other's lives. The specifics anyway. I knew she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. and found her family, and she knew I became an investigative journalist and did many news packages on different topics, but I didn't know anything more and neither did she. I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or if we just avoided it without thinking, but I knew we had to face the music soon.

We were getting coffee after she picked me up from one of my therapy sessions when I brought it up.

"So, my therapist has been helping me with some stuff," I began, staring at my coffee as we walked back to my house. "Stuff outside of my PTSD, that is."

"Oh?" Daisy asked, and I could see her looking at me in the corner of my eyes. "Like what?" 

I took a sip of my coffee, trying not to feel embarrassed as I answered, "Well, we obviously talk about my life. And what happens in it. Who I'm with..."

"Yeah..." Daisy was grinning now.

I rolled my eyes, wishing my face wasn't as warm as it felt. "She noticed you've been dropping me off and picking me up and... you may have come up in conversation."

"Ah, so you talk about me," she said slowly, trying very hard not to laugh. "Did you tell her how amazing I am? Or how beautiful, charming and funny I am?"

I sighed, finally lifting my eyes to look at her. Brown eyes twinkled with amusement as she gave me her usual teasing smile, making me shove her in the shoulder gently. Laughter spilled from her lips and I hated the butterflies in my stomach at the sound.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, falling into step with me again. "You were saying. Go on."

Looking back ahead as we walked, I said, "Yes, well, we talked about you. And then she recommended that I try to catch up with you more. You know? Because we both talk so much about the good old days and even now, but not the in between. Not the parts that we weren't there for."

I looked back to Daisy when I finished, and she thankfully lost her amusement as she nodded in agreement. I half expected her to take the piss, but she was supportive as she glanced at me.

"I like the sound of that," she said, easing the nerves in my stomach. "So. What do you want to know?"

I cleared my throat, taking another sip of my drink and thinking of where to start. "Okay, erm... why don't we start with your S.H.I.E.L.D. friends? They're your family and I would love to get to know them better. What are they like?"

She nodded thoughtfully, sipping her coffee. "S.H.I.E.L.D., okay. Well, you met Jemma. She's basically my sister. Her and Fitz – I think I mentioned him before?" I nodded, recalling her throwing in the name in one of her stories. "They're together and they've been with me since I was recruited a few years ago. We've been through a lot together, but they've got my backs and I've got theirs."

I smiled at the carefree expression on her face. Just talking about them put her at ease and I felt a little better knowing that her time after high school wasn't completely terrible like I imagined.

"Then there's Coulson, of course," she continued, glancing at me every now and then to see if I was listening. "He's basically our dad. He's the reason I'm even with S.H.I.E.L.D. and he's always looking out for me, even when I'm doing stupid stuff."

"So, regularly then."

She nudged me in the arm at my comment, making me chuckle.

"He was how I learnt about my family," she explained. "There for me when I found them. When I got my powers. When I lost my family... he's been there through it all. I'd do anything for him."

I watched her carefully. "He sounds important to you."

Her lips curved into a small smile as brown eyes met mine. "He is."

She continued to tell me about the rest of her team and what everything was like at work, and the whole time she did, she was smiling.

"I'd love for you to meet them all," she finished, and I was surprised at the hint of nervousness in her voice. I didn't think she ever got nervous. "I mean, you've met Jemma, but the others– you should meet them, too. If you want to, that is."

"I'd like that," I said instantly, appreciating the way her eyes lit up and she tried very hard to hide her smile.

She cleared her throat, distracting from the pink spreading on her face, before asking, "So, you basically know about everything interesting that's happened to me these past nine or so years. What about you? Anything life-changing occur for you?" I opened my mouth to answer, and she added, "Apart from travelling around the world and being an investigative journalist?"

I feigned offence. "I hardly think that's fair. That's like me asking you not to talk about working for S.H.I.E.L.D. or being Quake."

Rolling her eyes playfully, she said, "Go on. Tell me something different."

I looked away from her in thought, thinking back to the past nine years. "I guess... oh, I know. I was almost married."

Her jaw dropped. "You were what?"

A laugh escaped my lips at her intrigued expression. She shook her head with disbelief.

"I have to know more," she insisted, before raising her brows. "You? Almost married?"

"It does sound strange," I agreed with amusement, before recalling the event. "It was about two years ago. I was with this guy who worked at the same paper I did. We'd been together for about a year and–"

"–and you realised he had a second family in the Bahamas?" she finished with a roguish grin.

"Very funny." I narrowed my eyes jokingly. "But no. I just realised I didn't love him. Well, I wasn't in love with him."

"Ouch."

"Ouch indeed." I paused, remembering the poor guy's face when I broke the news to him. "It was a month into the engagement when I told him the truth. He was very understanding, but–"

"–but you broke his poor little heart," she concluded, before wrapping an arm around my shoulder and tugging me closer. "Dear Y/N. The heartbreaker."

"Fuck off."

She laughed when she saw me attempting to fight a smile from my lips. Though eventually, one appeared anyway. Daisy always had the ability to bring out the best in me like that – I'd missed it.

"How about you anyway?" I asked, hoping for an opportunity to tease her in return. "Any boyfriends or girlfriends I should know about? Crazy exes, maybe?"

She snorted, swallowing her coffee before giving me a knowing look. "You're gonna need to brace yourself for this one. I doubt you'll believe me when it comes to this."

I rose an eyebrow with curiosity. "Damn, you've got me hooked, Johnson. Proceed."

And of course, that was the first and last time I heard about Agent Grant Ward. An interestingly dark tale of a dickhead of a man whose existence I was glad was no more.

"...so, do I win?" Daisy asked once she finished talking about him.

"Win what?"

She stared like it was obvious. "The best ex story, duh!"

"Wow." I snickered, shaking my head. "I guess you do."

Fist-pumping like an idiot, she said, "Knew it. Nothing ever beats homicidal psychopath almost-boyfriend."

"You need help."

"No, no I don't. I have you."

"Uh-huh."

"Love you, too." 

—

Three months passed since returning from Myanmar and I was finally in a place where I could return to work. Even though I'd been putting together my research and interviews into a coherent news story at home, I hadn't physically been back to the newsroom in about a year.

My therapist had been helping me to treat my PTSD, my physical therapy was helping me get back function in my shoulder and arm, and the injury itself was almost healed, though I still had to wear a cast. Everything was actually beginning to look up.

I'd even sent off the complete news series about what I'd discovered in Myanmar to my editor which got published just before I returned to work. So, of course, as soon as I got there, that was the first thing everybody congratulated me on.

"Views have been going through the roof," Taylor, my colleague and closest friend at work, said as soon as he spotted me walking to my desk. "Your story is all anybody has been talking about!"

"Good to see you, too," I joked, an attempt to disguise my embarrassment at all the attention. "It's only been a year since we last saw each other."

He gave me a grin. "You know I missed you, Y/L/N, get over here."

I rolled my eyes playfully but accepted his hug, being careful of my shoulder. He squeezed me gently before letting go and perching himself on the edge of my desk as I took a seat. It felt strange to be back, but a good strange.

"I still can't believe you're actually here in the flesh," he said after a moment, eyeing me suspiciously. "I've been so used to quick calls and texts where I try to convince you not to do stupid stuff."

Chuckling, I shot him an appreciative smile. "You know I'm grateful for that. Even if I didn't listen."

"You not listening helped you get the best story though," he countered. "I bet you didn't expect S.H.I.E.L.D. to make the bust in the end though."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Definitely not. But I owe them a lot. They saved my life."

His expression softened. "That's another thing... thanks for not dying on me."

"You're welcome," I returned, though appreciated what he meant. "Now. Catch me up on everything I missed. Gossip an' all."

That was enough for him to pull up a seat and remind me of everything I'd missed whilst being away. We'd spoke many times whilst I was gone, but nothing quite beat a good bitching session in person.

Eventually though, our editor ended up interrupting and asked to see me in her office. I wasn't worried in the slightest, but there was still that tiny part of me that imagined the worst.

"You can stop holding your breath, y'know," Karla told me when I stopped before her desk. She seemed amused as she added, "I wanted to congratulate you on the human trafficking story."

Relaxing my shoulders, I raised my brows. "Oh. I– thank you. I'm glad you liked it."

"You put a lot on the line to get the results you did, but it shows," she continued proudly. "You've made an excellent name for yourself and done your fellow journalists proud."

"I didn't do it for that," I said politely, "but thank you. I just wanted to help those people in Myanmar the best I could."

She smiled. "And you did."

"Well, S.H.I.E.L.D. did."

"But you shared the truth, didn't you?" she reminded me. "Don't belittle this achievement."

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet and watched as she took a seat at her desk chair.

"I heard that it was Quake who saved you back there," she said curiously. "You know, we've never actually gotten an interview with her. Nobody has."

Oh, so that's what she actually wanted.

"I thought, well, since you know her, you could get us an exclusive?" she asked.

I chewed on my lip. "Erm..."

"You don't have to," she added, noticing my reluctance. "But it could be good for everyone. The city can get to know its hero, you can get a great interview under your belt. And our paper gets all the views. What d'you say?"

I was beginning to regret putting that one quote from Daisy in my article now... I should have known Karla would want more. That was the thing with editors – you give them one taste and they want to eat the whole thing.

"I'll ask," I decided, which she seemed to love. "No harm in asking, but I can't promise anything."

Karla leaned back in her seat, nodding. "Very true. Thank you for understanding. I'll let you settle back into work now. Remember to take it easy, yeah? Don't want to lose my best journalist from overworking herself."

I smiled awkwardly as she laughed, before nodding in response and leaving her office.

It wasn't that I didn't want to interview Daisy, but I didn't want to ruin what we had by asking for a favour. Everything between us was going well, even if it was probably temporary and she'd have to leave soon. I assumed that anyway. And on top of that, I was certain I was falling in love with her again, just like I had nine years ago.

Could you blame me? It was impossible to just remain friends with her when she went through all this extra effort to make sure I was okay. Her kind, considerate, supportive self was always on my mind whether I liked it or not. A girl could dream, right?

After my first day back, Daisy picked me up outside. She insisted when she rang me at lunchtime to make sure I was okay, wanting to know everything about how my first day went. I couldn't find it in myself to say no, so I eventually found her sat on a chair in the lobby when I came downstairs after work.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter six - “lake, the sequel”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: reader seeks out bucky after his dramatic exit and they find themselves earnestly conversing... back at the lake

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: this story is available on my wattpad as a bucky x OC fic @ / typicaldaze :)

He didn't like this feeling. No, he didn't like this feeling at all. He hated it, in fact. It was betrayal, bodily betrayal. He just could not sit in that room any longer or he would've peeled his skin off. His lungs felt as if they were bound with barbed wire and the state of his stomach had him worried he was going to throw up. Most of all he felt guilty. How could he have just stormed out of the room like that? She was going to hate him now. How could he let this happen?

He was thinking this over whilst sitting at the lake, hands in the grass, trying to distract the physical body from the mental cacophony he had just endured. He had somehow found his way there after leaving Y/N. These extremely unpleasant sensations were unfamiliar. Was he sick? Could he have been drugged? He was so confused. Bucky realized he seemed to be confused most of the time. Following that realization, he became mildly pissed off.

The super soldier stared out at the lake. It was a calm day, the water tranquil and clear. It was a stark contrast against his stress. He leaned forward and looked into the water at his reflection.

"Damn," he said out loud.

Is that really what I look like now?

His eyes traced over the long shaggy hair, dark under eyes, and the subtle but noticeable worry lines. This sight reminded him of when he broke the mirror at his old place in Bucharest. Now he remembered why. God, he looked as fucked up as he was. He leaned back and tossed a stone at where his reflection had been.

A deep sigh left his lungs, which were now conveniently working properly.

"Fuckers," he muttered, referring to the mercurial organs.

He had spent nearly two years alone in Bucharest, and he had grown accustomed to living in this new body. He was always on edge, that much he could tell. However, he was never too introspective; he never thought about his feelings or his behavior. All he was focused on was surviving. When there is more to life than survival, that's when things get complicated... not that they weren't complicated before. God, he was running in circles inside his own mind. His scarred and ruined and manipulated mind that resided in this body that was used as a tool for destruction and violence and death-

"Hey."

His head whipped around, startled out of his thought frenzy. Always on edge. Mentally, he shook his head in disappointment.

"Oh! (Y/N)!"

He stood up immediately. "Listen, I'm so sorry about before, I don't know what-"

"It's okay," she said quickly, holding up her hands. "Bucky, you do not need to apologize, everything is totally fine."

He was taken aback. Words didn't seem to work.

"I'm not mad if that's what you were thinking," she said.

"You're not?"

"No, of course not. If anything I was worried."

"I- Worried?"

"Yes, you were clearly in distress, and that room was the last place you wanted to be. I'm glad you found your way back here because you look much better now," (Y/N) explained with earnest eyes.

She could tell he was freaked out? She probably thinks he's insane.

"Yeah, I... I think I'm better now."

He was far from okay, but definitely better than before.

The psychologist sat down next to where he was standing. He didn't move, but looked down at her.

"I don't think it'd be wise to leave you alone here considering you're supposed to be in a session with me right now and you can't go anywhere without an escort. It would most likely lead to suspicion and then trouble you don't need. I'm going to stay with you. We can continue the session if you'd like, but if not we can just sit."

She said this all while looking straight forward at the water.

In all honesty he wasn't sure what to say, so he settled with a breathy, "Okay," before sitting down next to her.

"I'm getting the vibe that this is more of a just sit situation..."

"Yeah... I think I'm all therapy-ed out for today," Bucky said in a meek attempt at a joke.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a wide smile. He then realized that she didn't know he could see it, and that's why this smile seemed different. Most differents in Bucky's life hadn't been outstandingly pleasant. But this was a welcome different. This was a good different. It was genuine and unbridled. That was the most open he'd ever seen her.

Every now and then he forgot that he was a literal trained super spy. He may not have any PhD's, but he had his own way of reading behavior, cues, and subtleties. Perhaps he'd make an effort to be more observant. Perhaps he wanted to learn a little more about what else was behind this new different.

A few beats of comfortable silence passed before he heard the word again.

"Hey," (Y/N) started softly. "I'm sorry if I went a little too far today. I know I said our first session wouldn't be much, but I realize I was pushing too far."

"Oh, it's okay," Bucky replied, looking down at the grass between his knees. "I think it's more my fault anyway. It's not like the questions were super intense."

He let out a loaded sigh. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Bucky it's really okay. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. This whole process is supposed to be based on your comfort levels and at your own pace. And there's nothing wrong with you. Your reaction was completely normal given the circumstances."

Bucky wasn't terribly familiar with reassurance. He turned his head, looking at her dead on. She was so genuine, like she knew all of what she was saying was the all encompassing truth.

Echoes of different combinations of "there's nothing wrong with you" and "completely normal" and "your own pace" flitted around inside him until they melted into a feeling he hadn't felt in so long: hope. It was horrifying... yet it gave him a kind of relief he didn't know he could feel.

The super soldier then realized that (Y/N) was looking right back at him dead on. He was about to stumble through some sort of apology for staring or thankful expression for her kindness, but he noticed that she didn't look like she was necessarily waiting for a response. She was just... looking.

Bucky tried to say something, anything. But he just couldn't seem to pull his eyes away. In this brief moment, he felt crystallized. His conscious, logical brain was somewhere far away, hypnotized by the stillness of the moment. It was only a few seconds, but somehow felt longer. These very few seconds of mental sedation were soon over.

Speak, idiot.

He snapped back to reality, suddenly finding himself inspecting at the grass below him.

"Thank you."

"Of course," she replied without missing a beat. Her tone of voice was water soft.

"(Y/N), do you... do you know what happened with me earlier?" he asked, cautiously. "Like, what was wrong- I mean, not wrong but why I-"

He sighed frustratingly, cutting himself off.

Her face was patient, but she was waiting for a description of something he didn't know how to describe.

"I know I said we were done for today, but I-I don't know how to explain it, and I want to know what it is," he confessed.

"I think you had an anxiety attack."

Anxiety? That couldn't be right. There's no way that could've been from being nervous.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"Anxiety. It seemed as though you were experiencing high amounts of anxiety. Most people get nervous at times, but those tiny amounts are normal. But, some other people are a lot more nervous a lot more of the time. Sometimes, these peoples' anxiety can get particularly high and be so overwhelming that their body kinda takes over, and they can experience really uncomfortable physical symptoms, and this can turn into an anxiety attack."

"I thought I was... sick or... or drugged or something."

"Well, I'm almost certain you weren't drugged, and I'm pretty sure you can't even get sick."

"Oh."

He honestly didn't know what to say.

"Bucky," she looked straight at him again and he almost felt himself slipping. "In terms of psychology, a lot has progressed since the 40's. I'm not sure how anxiety was presented or studied then, but there's really a lot more to it than people think. And honestly, given your situation, it would be strange if you didn't develop an anxiety disorder."

Anxiety disorder?

"Anxiety disorder? I have that?"

"Well, again, I think we have to do more work to confirm, but that's what it seems like."

"I thought you said I had PTSD?"

"I do. I think you have both."

Christ.

"Wow, I'm a whole sack 'a problems, aren't I?" he chuckled, giving up on trying to internally oppose his short comings.

"You're not a problem, Buck. You had to deal with a whole sack of problems, though," she smiled.

The nickname didn't miss his radar. Was that the first time she's called him that? He ignored how he liked it.

"That's for damn sure."

They conversed for a while after that, and didn't seem to notice how late it was until the sun began to set. The ending day's reflection on the water created an aura so relaxing Bucky didn't want to move. But alas, reality calls.

(Y/N) stood up. "If you're not back soon, they'll start looking for you. We should probably get going."

Bucky stood up, too, following her request.

"I'll walk you back to your quarters," she offered.

And so they went, conversation continuing naturally, as if they were old friends. Bucky found it strange that someone he knew so little was so easy to talk to. He brushed it off as some inherent therapist quality.

He still found her hard to read although he knew her more with each passing word between them.

Despite all of this, the walk back, with cool air, a melting sky, and languid steps, was the best thing he had experienced since coming out of cryo. His memory may be spotty, and his mind may be rough, but this, this he was sure of.

[goshiki-kun]

invading your inbox with a matchup req😎

i’m a minor, my pronouns are she/her, female, 5”2 *sobs* idk if this helps but libra sun aqua moon idk rising i’ll have to check snapchat for that. i’m and INTP with a 5w4.

personality: i only loud over text; kinda quiet in person. like the lesser the people around me, the more i’ll interact. for my sake we’ll say i’m funny. i’m the therapist friend if the group and fluent in sarcasm.

hobbies: playing the guitar and keyboard, reading, painting, reading and writing poems, making fb memes, math (i’m gonna get hated for this bye)

other random stuff

i’m fluent in three languages

love oversized clothing

love dogs

listen to music 24/7

make playlists every two days

i have tarot cards😎

i need my space at times

i’m sorry if that’s too much anyways hope you have a great day <33

oh hell yeah!!! you're my first request ever so congratulations and thank you! also, tbh, there is never too much when it comes to this! more makes it a lot easier for me!

okay so, since i'm split on who exactly i would match you with, you get two characters! lucky!!

my first pairing for you is....

SUNA RINTARŌ!

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HOW YOU MET

✦ You two didn't actually meet in person; and didn't even see each other until you were already friends for a couple of months.

✦ That's right– you're internet friends with everyone's favorite terminally online e-boy!

✦ Like I'm gonna be honest here, he saw your memes and really liked them. That's just how you two became friends: he messaged you on a whim, and you two meshed really well together!

✦ He really loved your sarcastic bantering, and has laughed himself to tears more than once from your jokes and memes– something which is pretty rare for him! That's kind of when he realized that you were going to be someone really, really special to him. But like, in a best friend way. ...unless? 👀

HOW YOU STARTED DATING

+ more first impression shenanigans

✦ Honestly, you two didn't start dating until after you've met in real life.

✦ He was kind of surprised at how quiet you were in person, compared to how bombastic you were online– not that he thinks it's a bad thing! Suna definitely thought it was interesting at just how different you were, while still retaining all the same qualities that made you his friend in the first place.

✦ Also, he really finds it cute that you wear very oversized clothing when you're already so small– it just accentuates how adorable you are and- oh shit. That was when Suna really, truly, definitely knew he had a thing for you.

✦ About eight months into your friendship, you're both hanging out together. You both have made it routine to take the one-and-a-half hour train ride to each other's prefecture every Saturday; on odd-numbered days, he'll come to yours, and visa versa on even days. It's nothing out of the ordinary for you guys, until Suna says something completely out of the blue while you opine about your mutually lackluster relationship experience: “Y'know, I definitely wouldn't mind dating a girl like you.”

✦ Before he could even regret the phrase that just came out of his mouth, you agreed with your own similar sentiments. As is typical for Suna, there's no fireworks or anything too over-the-top; i was just the two of you, and he wouldn't have changed it for the world.

WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT YOU

✦ You're his little pogchamp.

✦ Okay, seriously though, he really can't wrap his head around just how lucky he was to have stumbled across you. He's really, really glad that you're a part of his life.

✦ Conversation just comes so naturally to the two of you? And you can even just communicate entirely through memes and references? And it doesn't feel awkward or forced? Just god, he is whipped.

✦ He thinks it's kind of weird how you like doing math for fun, but hey, who's he to judge? Maybe you'll let him cheat off of your homework, too.

✦ Will listen to every single playlist you make, and will make playlists for you, too. Not even romantic ones, either, just songs that he likes, or that he thinks you would like, or that just remind him of you.

DATE IDEAS AND OTHER HEADCANONS

✦ Y'all go on really chill dates, and they often consist of you two just hanging out in proximity to each other; he's just happy enjoying your company, no matter the context.

✦ High-key, you're both gonna end up raiding a convenience store at, like, 2 AM for snacks, and then loitering around outside to scarf them all down. And, just for good measure, he's gonna hit you with that: “Tsuki ga kirei desu ne?” even though he's just looking over at you.

✦ Not only will he let you steal his clothes, he'll just sometimes give them to you. If he sees that you're cold, you are getting his jacket, and whoops– looks like he forgot to ask for it back! Guess it's yours now! 🤷‍♀️

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But, that was just the second of the two I was split about– and now, it's onto my main choice for you, which is....

────────────────────────────

KUROO TETSURŌ!

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HOW YOU MET

✦ You two were seated next to each other in your homeroom class when you were both first years in high school, and you just stuck together ever since then.

✦ He just kind of introduced himself to you– in like, the way any kid does when they're in a class without anyone they know. Like, Kuroo didn't expect to be friends with you for so long, and he definitely didn't expect to actually catch feelings for you.

✦ At first, he noticed that you were both the student closest to him, and just how quiet you were; you didn't approach anybody, nor did they approach you. It kind of reminded him how Kenma was when they first met, so he just naturally gravitated towards you.

✦ Congratulations! You're now under the wings of Kuroo Tetsurō, resident extrovert and rooster-haired smartass. Good luck.

HOW YOU STARTED DATING

✦ I'm sorry, but this is a slow-burn friends to lovers situation that you've found yourself in. It's gonna take a good, long while of mutual pining for him to actually ask you out.

✦ Kuroo being Kuroo, though, he's gonna flirt with you so much– mostly in the form of shitty jokes and "intentionally" cheesy pick-up lines (he actually thought they were good, but he'll never admit it).

✦ He passes you notes like: “Are you made up of C12H22O11? 'Cause you're really sweet!” and he thinks he's so clever. Even if he elicits just a light chuckle from you, he'll still count that as a victory in his books.

✦ You both have this sort of tongue-in-cheek relationship, where your feelings are always spoken in at least three layers of irony, sarcasm, and inside jokes that neither of you can really tell if the other is serious or not. You've got the type of friendship where it's painfully obvious to everyone else that you like each other but, for some reason, you guys can't put two and two together.

✦ Like honestly, y'all were already dating four months before you even made it official– but like, ironically, as friends. Just two besties going on purely platonic dates. Nobody believes you, but they humor it anyways; by the start of your second year, Morisuke and Kai have both started making bets about it.

✦ Finally, though, near the tail end of summer break, Kuroo decided that he had had enough– it was gonna be now, or never, and he needed to put the months of tiptoeing around you to an end.

✦ “Hey, do you that one time, back in Japanese last year?” he mused into the warm, lazy breeze, eyes trained firmly at the emptiness in front of you.

✦ “...You mean the required fives hours each week for an entire year? Yeah, totally.”

✦ “No, that's not–! You know, that one time where we got caught passing notes and you had to read it out loud– but, you lied about what it said. That time.”

✦ Of course you remembered it. Given what was actually in the note, it was hard to forget.

✦ It was such a simple note, really, but one that made your heart do summersaults within your ribcage whenever you even thought about it; all from just three simple words.

✦ “I like you.”

✦ Written in red ink, the same red he used to emphasize important words whenever he was taking notes– he never used that pen for anything else. It was that ink that made you question whether or not he really was serious about all the little jokes you two made.

✦ “Well– yeah, of course I remember,” you replied, slightly more hastily than you would've liked. “What about it?”

✦ He paused, just for a moment– taking a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. He looked just as he would before he made a decisive serve during a tough match: focused, invigorated, and nervous. This is the first time you've really seen him nervous around another person like this.

✦ “I meant every word of it: liking you, I mean.”

WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT YOU

✦ You're amazing. Plain and simple: not just to him, but as a whole. You're amazing.

✦ Like, wow. You're smart, funny, and kind? You're just a triple threat, aren't you?

✦ He thinks it's really cool that you can speak not just two, but three different languages! He will ask you to teach him at least one of them, so you can have your own secret language that no one around you guys can understand. He's a quick learner, and, within a week, he's already learned the worst pick-up lines you've ever heard in your life.

✦ At least his pronunciation is pretty alright.

✦ Kuroo kind of thinks the whole tarot card thing is a bit silly, but he isn't gonna think any less of you because you're into that stuff. He'll give an off-handed mention about it not being scientific, but that he'll give it a shot– after all, if it's something you believe in, maybe it is worth giving a second glance.

✦ He still does admire how smart and witty you are! He loves that you can keep up his bantering energy with your own retorts, and that you guys can keep riffing like that before one of you inevitably breaks.

✦ And, if you need space, he's willing to give it to you. Kuroo is good at reading people, and he can usually pick up on when you need some time alone. He'll still check in on you every couple of hours, just to see how you're doing.

DATE IDEAS AND OTHER HEADCANONS

✦ Study dates? Study dates.

✦ Like, you two just spending an afternoon cramming the last couple of chapters of a textbook you really should've read, cracking jokes about just how bland it really is. Helping each other understand concepts they didn't quite get the first time over. Swapping and comparing notes. These are usually either at home or at a café.

✦ Also: museum dates. Please take this nerd to the museum. These dates are so chaotic, honestly? It's just you two being public nuisances while also kind of learning about science. He especially loves it if they have really immersive and interactive exhibits!

✦ He buys you the absolute largest hoodie they have in the gift shop. It completely dwarfs you, but he thinks it's really cute.

✦ If you thought his shitty puns and double entendres would get any better now that you guys are official– you're wrong. They're 1000% worse.

✦ Whenever you're at one of his matches, he looks into the crowd and gives you this wild grin after he scores a point. His hair is all messed up and his eyes are bright, and he looks so proud of himself when he hears you cheering him on.

✦ To be honest, I headcanon Kuroo as a dog person, so like.. y'all text each other pictures of dogs all the time. Whenever he goes out jogging, he snaps quick pictures of each one he sees: your favorite regular is the dopey Shiba Inu who always manages to trip as soon as Kuroo gets his phone out.

✦ In summary: chaos nerds. Goblins of entropy and harbingers of mischief. Why are y'all so cute together 😭😭😭

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— vince.

hoo boy! this was a lot longer than i expected it to be, but i think i'm pretty happy with the results! i hope you enjoy your match-ups as much as i enjoyed writing them!

my requests are open!