#anyway i'd like to experiment more with trying to animate things in future so!! look forward to that?

[journey-to-the-attic]

"karasu search how 2 cheer human up"

"karasu search difference between sad human and zoning out human"

"karasu search how long is it safe for humans to zone out for?"

(+ a longer look at each scene:)

[mirai-e-jump]

Uchusen Vol. 182 (Autumn 2023) Kamen Rider Gotchard Main Cast Member & Staff Interviews (translations below)

Publication: October 2, 2023

Junsei Motojima (Houtarou Ichinose) Interview

"Motojima-san, please tell us what made you want to become an actor"

Motojima: My parents love movies, and that was the main reason for my interest in them. I especially like action movies. When I was young, I watched alot of action movies with my parents, and when I started middle school, I started watching movies I myself liked. Then, when I was in high school and thinking about my future career, I thought, "I can't think of anything else but acting."

"What’s your favorite movie?"

Motojima: I love the "007" series, which I first watched when I was in my third year of elementary school. Among them, I like "Casino Royale" the most. I also watch a wide range of other genres, both Japanese and foreign, as well as horror films. I also like anime.

"That being said, what's your favorite anime?"

Motojima: I like "Tokyo Revengers" and "Jujutsu Kaisen," and I love "ONE PIECE," which I've been watching since I was a child.

"Do you have any actors you're aiming to be like?"

Motojima: It would be Yoshizawa Ryo-san and Suzuki Ryohei-san. Yoshizawa Ryo-san is a senior at my agency, and is also my senior in Kamen Rider (Kamen Rider Meteor). I was moved by the preview screening of "Tokyo Revengers 2: Bloody Halloween." I've admired Suzuki Ryohei-san ever since I saw his powerful performance in "The Blood of Wolves 2." My goal is to act in a way that conveys power, even through the screen.

"Did you watch any of the Kamen Rider series when you were a child?"

Motojima: I remember watching "Kamen Rider OOO." I also had some Rider related toy swords at home, and I remember my parents scolding me with, "That's dangerous!" when I would sword fight with my friends (laughs).

"Please tell us about your audition for Kamen Rider Gotchard."

Motojima: During the audition, I had to play the role of Houtarou, as well as another role. Since I didn't know in advance which role I'd be playing, I prepared for both roles.

"What was it like when you received the news that you had been chosen?"

Motojima: My manager called me into his office for something else, and when I got there, with a serious look on his face, he said, "Junsei, I need to talk to you, so take a seat." Then, the conversation started off as if I had failed, with him saying, "You tried your best in the Kamen Rider audition, but…" I thought, "Guess things didn't work this time, huh?," and then he said, "You've been chosen to play the lead role" (laughs). Even though I was in the office, I was jumping up and down with joy.

"How did your family react?"

Motojima: After hearing that I had been chosen, I rushed home to tell my mother as soon as possible. My mother had been the biggest supporter of my Kamen Rider audition, so she cried tears of joy.

"Did you feel any pressure when you were chosen to play the main character?"

Motojima: Of course I did. I was happy, but at the same time I was worried about whether I could play the main character, as I had little experience as an actor. However, I thought it'd be a waste of time to be anxious, so I decided to read the script anyway.

"What were your impressions on the production of Gotchard?"

Motojima: I thought it was a very upbeat show. The story of the search for 101 Chemies is interesting, and when I learned that there are more than 50 transformation forms, I was shocked thinking, "That many?!" With some simple math, that means that there'll be at least one new form each time, right? I felt like my head was going to explode (laughs).

"How did you prepare for the role of Houtarou Ichinose?"

Motojima: In the materials we received in advance, it said, "He's not very good at studying, but he's athletic and has a very bright personality" So, in my daily life I thought about things like, "What would Houtarou do?" and, "How should Houtarou speak?," with that in mind, I always try to be Houtarou Ichinose. As I worked on the role, I began to get a clearer picture of Houtarou's character, and from episode 5 onward, I added some new performances that differed from the previous ones, further solidifying the role.

"Are there any elements of Houtarou that you noticed while performing?"

Motojima: He's "full of energy". Also, he has the personality of saying what he thinks immediately. Even in the first episode, there's a line where he said, "I have to say something!" I think another characteristic of Houtarou, is that he takes action immediately, not just with his words. I'm also trying to learn how to act like Houtarou. When I see an elderly person on the train, I want to be the kind of person who takes appropriate action and give up my seat.

"Has anything else in your life changed since being cast in Gotchard?"

Motojima: Filming starts very early in the morning, but I try to go to the gym before heading to the set. My routine is to get up alittle earlier, go to the gym, make a salad at home, take a bath for about an hour, and then go to the set.

"We think that routine is abit demanding….."

Motojima: Houtarou is always in good spirits, so I'm committed about going onto set in good spirits myself. So on days when my body is tired, I get up early and go to the gym to get my adrenaline pumping. I want to make sure that my energy and cheerfulness never changes, even as we continue filming for Gotchard.

"Are there any similarities between yourself and Houtarou?"

Motojima: Houtarou was suddenly entrusted with the role of "Kamen Rider," and I feel the same way in that I was also entrusted with the important role of "Houtarou Ichinose." This is the first time for me to try out a full time performance, so I have alot to work on, but, I think we both have one thing in common, and it's that we both will never give up.

"You mentioned that you make salad every day, so cooking is also something you have in common with Houtarou."

Motojima: That's true! I make my own salad in addition to the boxed lunch I receive on set. It's not a creative dish like Houtarou's, rather, it's just an ordinary salad (laughs).

"It'd be interesting to see a project like, "Houtarou Ichinose's Creative Cooking Course."

Motojima: No? What would I do? (laughs). "Junsei Motojima's Cooking Course" would be fine, but Houtarou's creative cooking might not be very helpful (laughs). But, I actually did do some creative cooking during the auditions. In the script I was given in advance during the audition, there's a scene where he makes a, "Cucumber hamburger with mustard and pollock mayonnaise," and in order to become Houtarou, I actually made and ate that creative dish before heading to the audition. Then, after each audition, I thought of creative dishes that Houtarou might make and made them. On the day of the final audition, I came up with the dish, "Spaghetti with pollock roe, cucumbers, and a suika bar (watermelon popsicle)."

"A suika bar?!"

Motojima: I think Houtarou's creative dishes are filled with things that children will love. I wanted to copy that too, so I also added a suika bar. The taste was……I'm not so sure about the taste (laughs).

"Are there any other things you pay attention to when playing Houtarou?"

Motojima: I think it's important to be aware of the camera. When I watched back episodes 1 and 2, I realized, perhaps due to my lack of experience, that I wasn't fully aware of the cameras.

"You have the most scenes with Rinne, so what are your impressions of Matsumoto Reiyo-san?"

Motojima: Reiyo-chan's personality is the complete opposite of Rinne's. Rinne is abit arrogant, but Reiyo-chan is very honest and cheerful. She's very easy to talk to, so we read the script together the day before and discuss the performance.

"What was your impression when you first saw Gotchard's suit?"

Motojima: The sparkling reflections were so cool, that I could see them from far away. I was excited to think that I would be able to do the dubbing for this sparkling Rider for the next year.

"What kinds of discussions did you have with Suit Actor Eitoku-san?"

Motojima: I've talked with Eitoku-san about many things, including movements. There are parts of the sword where I use Eitoku-san's movements as reference and try to match them, and there are also parts where Eitoku-san watches my movements. In a way, Eitoku-san and I are one and the same, so watching Eitoku-san play Gotchard is a good opportunity for me to look at Houtarou Ichinose objectively. It's not often in other dramas that two people play the same role, so it's an experience unique to Kamen Rider.

"How was the transformation pose decided?"

Motojima: After much thought with Action Director (Hirofumi) Fukuzawa-san, we settled on the pose of "Gather 2 Chemies, mixing them together, creating a triangle with an alchemy symbol, and then clapping." However, Eitoku-san's pose in episode 1 was so cool that I changed it to incorporate the same movement starting with episode 3. Please think of the transformation poses in episodes 1 and 2 as special editions, with the definitive version starting with episode 3!

"Isn't recording for the dub difficult?"

Motojima: No, it's alot of fun! When I'm doing voice acting, I’m in Gotchard's point of view, so I feel as if I’m actually fighting. It's also alot of fun to be able to put my voice into movements that can't actually happen. When Steamhopper Wild jumps up high in the first episode, I adlibed yelling, "Whoo~!" (laughs). Of course there are tough parts, but more than that, I'm very excited by each new experience I come across.

"What kind of stories can we expect from now on?"

Motojima: So far, Houtarou has managed to overcome obstacles on his own. However, I believe that there'll come a time when he'll face an obstacle that he can't overcome alone, so I'd like to see a development where he can work together with Rinne and his friends to defeat a strong enemy.

"If you've been going to the gym, you may have the opportunity to show off your well developed muscles."

Motojima: I'll tear off my clothes and say, "Now it's my turn!" (laughs). It'd be interesting to see such a development, but since Houtarou isn't a muscular character, I think it'd be great if there was a setting where his body changed due to the influence of the Chemies (laughs).

"Finally, for our readers who are excited about Gotchard, what can they expect in the future?"

Motojima: Suddenly, Houtarou has been entrusted with the role of Kamen Rider, but from now on, he'll become friends with many Chemies and continue to grow stronger and stronger. I'm working hard to grow as an actor with Houtarou, so I hope you'll pay attention as you watch the show. As for future developments, Houtarou and his friends will be going to unusual places for school events. Rinne and his best friend Kajiki will also play a big role, so please look forward to it! _

Reiyo Matsumoto (Rinne Kudo) Interview

"Please tell us how you became involved in this production"

Reiyo: I knew (Hoshino) Yuna-chan, who played Kurama Neon in "Kamen Rider Geats," so I would watch Geats's broadcast. I was thinking, "I want to do this too," and was then offered to audition for the role of Beroba, which I accepted. At that time, I was told that my image was alittle different, and I thought, "As I thought, it's difficult to get into Kamen Rider," but then, I was given the opportunity to audition for this role.

"How did you perform in the audition?"

Reiyo: The materials I received described her as an "honor student." But, I myself am not an honor student and I'm not very smart (laugh), so I tried my best to play the role of a tough character. I tried to develop my own image of Rinne, answering questions in an honor student like style, and wore my school uniform with my hair in a ponytail so that I would look like an honor student. The script we were given at the audition was set up like a school drama, and I think there was a line from Rinne where she says, "Rules are meant to be obeyed!" At that point, the setting didn't involve alchemy or spells, so I was surprised when I read the actual script after getting the role.

"Please tell us about the situation when you were informed that you had been chosen."

Reiyo: When I received the notification from my manager that I had passed the audition, I was studying for an exam in the study room of a library. That's why I didn't scream even though I was so happy. I rushed outside and was once again happy, shouting, "I did it!" (laughs).

"How did your family react?"

Reiyo: Everyone's reactions were as happy as mine. My father said, "When Reiyo came back from the audition, her face was different. That's why I definitely knew that she was chosen." (laughs)

"You've been active as a model, but have you always been interested in acting?"

Reiyo: I wanted to challenge myself to trying a wide range of other things, not just modeling. I've especially loved Kamen Rider since I was a child, so I was really happy when I got the role.

"What's your favorite entry in the Kamen Rider series?"

Reiyo: In particular, I remember "Kamen Rider OOO" well. I also remember "Wizard" and "Gaim." I have 2 older brothers, so I watched them with them. We had "Den-O" and "Kiva" transformation belts at home, and we used to play Rider, but it took a long time for us to actually start because my brothers and I were always fighting over who got to be the hero (laughs). My older brothers played the role of heroes, and I had many roles where I offered support. Come to think of it, my oldest brother is the same age as (Yasunari) Fujibayashi-san, who plays Spanner, and the younger brother is the same age as (Junsei) Motojima-kun, who plays Houtarou, so they're linked with Gotchard (laughs).

"What did your brothers, who influenced you, say to their sister when she was chosen to play the heroine?"

Reiyo: They said "You've surpassed us~" and, "Play the same way you played the hero when you were a kid" (laughs).

"Other than tokusatsu, what kind of shows do you watch?"

Reiyo: When it comes to anime, I like "The Promised Neverland," "My Hero Academia," "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas," and "Beyond the Boundary." There are so many other shows that I like, but when we start talking about anime, it seems like I'll never stop (laughs).

"Going back to Gotchard, do you consciously play the role of Rinne in the same way that you did before?"

Reiyo: I did it with "harshness." When she was little, her father went missing, and I think that's why she distrusts people and didn't make any friends. But as I read through the actual script, I noticed the kindness in Rinne. However, if I'm too gentle, it's difficult to see Rinne's strength, so it’s hard to find a balance. Rinne has a gap between harshness and gentleness, and I think her tsundere personality is charming. In episodes 1 and 2, there was alot of "tsun," but I hope you'll pay attention as her heart gradually relaxes.

"What did you think of the alchemist setting?"

Reiyo: I wasn't familiar with "alchemy," so I immediately went online to find out more. The cloak, rings, and other parts of the costume are also unrealistic but very cool. I love spells and magic, so when I read the script I excitedly thought, "I can do this!" I was so happy because it felt like the playground games I used to play with my friends in kindergarten were coming true (laughs).

"What are some of the most memorable alchemy scenes that have been broadcast so far?"

Reiyo: It's the scene in the first episode where the fallen leaves come to the surface. When I saw the broadcast, I thought, "So cool~" and fell in love with Rinne myself (laughs).

"There's a scene where you climb a staircase connected to a wall and recite a spell to open a door, but how did that play out on set?"

Reiyo: At first, it was difficult to visualize. When I read the script, I imagined that a hole would open in the wall when I cast a spell, but I was surprised to see a scene where a door was opened during filming. When I saw the finished video, I was very impressed with how it turned out and thought, "So that's what happened!"

"Did you receive any requests or advice from the Directors regarding your performance?"

Reiyo: Director (Ryuta) Tasaki advised us that, "Acting is a drive." While showing the actors a miniature toy car, he told us, "An actor cannot move without the gasoline of emotion. When you drive at top speed, you can give a great performance." So in other words, you have to perform from the heart, not just from your hands, in order for the viewers to understand what you're doing, and for you to be able to perform effectively as an actor. In order to give an emotional performance, I read the script in detail and try to understand Rinne's feelings from each line.

"What's the atmosphere on set like?"

Reiyo: We get along incredibly well and everyone is kind to each other. When we have free time during filming, we play games together, and it's alot of fun. We play puzzle games like, "Word Wolf" or, "Sea Turtle Soup." I also love gummy candy, so I always have some with me and give them to everyone (laughs).

"Please tell us your impressions of Junsei Motojima-san, who plays Houtarou."

Reiyo: Junsei-kun is really just like Houtarou. For example, when filming stops for a scene that's difficult to act in, the scene sometimes becomes an issue. At such times, Junsei-kun can just say a few words, and the scene instantly becomes more relaxed. In the beginning, I couldn't tell jokes and spoke with honorifics, but now I can laugh at Junsei's jokes and he can respond to mine.

"What are your impressions of another female cast member, Oto Abe-san, who plays the role of Renge Icho?"

Reiyo: We often work together in the waiting room, and Abe-san speaks in a straightforward manner, just like a Kansai person, which is extremely interesting. Abe-san's own laughter is so loud that it makes me happy to hear it. Abe's laughter lights up the atmosphere on set.

"How much do you know about future developments?"

Reiyo: I don't know anything at all! (laughs), that's why I always look forward to receiving the next script, and every time I go on set, I check to see if a new script has arrived.

"What do you want to do in the future as Rinne?"

Reiyo: First, I want to become stronger than Houtarou! Most heroines are saved by the hero, but I want to, "Become a heroine who's stronger than the hero" (laughs). That's why I want to challenge myself with action. And also, I want to transform into a Kamen Rider. Since I was a child, I've always wanted to transform into a Kamen Rider, and my older brothers and I even competed with each other for the belts (laughs). Recently, the number of female Kamen Riders have been increasing, so I hope that I'll get a chance to become one of them.

"Finally, please tell us about some future highlights"

Reiyo: Through her involvement with Houtarou, Rinne's mindset, which used to put rules first, has gradually changed. Some people may have watched episodes 1 and 2 and thought, "Isn't Rinne a scary kid?," But I think you'll gradually see a different side to her than the strict honor student character, so it's exciting. Please look forward to seeing Rinne's image crumble! (laughs). Still, I'll keep Rinne's strength and respect for the rules until the end. Thank you for your support throughout the year! _

Hiroki Uchida, Yosuke Minato, Keiichi Hasegawa Interviews

"First, we'd like to ask about the development of Kamen Rider Gotchard. When did Minato-san receive the offer to become Chief Producer?"

Minato: Last year, I was preparing for "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger" with Chief Producer (Takahito) Omori. Ryohei Takahashi, a talented junior staff member, joined us as an assistant Producer, and we were ready to go at last. Whenever I join a production, I always keep one goal in mind. In King-Ohger I had set my goal as, "Moffun will take the world by storm!" But during this I was told, "Please take charge of the next Kamen Rider," and Moffun was left up to Omori and the others. The result was that Moffun became very popular…..(laugh). I immediately started meeting with Producer Ishimori-san, TV Asahi, and Bandai, where we decided to use the cards as the transformation items. On my way home, the first thing I did was call Uchida-san.

Uchida: Originally, I was invited to write the script for King-Ohger, so I thought it was going to be about that, but was surprised to hear that it was about a new Kamen Rider. I'd already cleared my schedule for King-Ohger, and I've been in contact with Minato-san since our school days, and we also worked together on "Kamen Rider Saber," so I was happy that he asked me to work on it, but I was honestly concerned, as the two of us are still young, would we be able to handle it?

Minato: When a new Producer launches a project, veteran Producers Shinichiro Shirakura and Hideaki Tsukada are supposed to watch over them. However, if you don't have a solid idea of what you want to do and what you want to achieve when launching the project, it'll end up becoming Shirakura and Tsukada's work. That's why, the first thing I asked Uchida-san, an old friend who I could easily express my true feelings and weaknesses to, was to participate in this project. However, Uchida-san was a main writer for the first time (at Toei), so I thought it'd be difficult for him to write for an entire year by himself. So, I asked Hasegawa-san, who helped with Saber, if he could join us as a sub writer in advance.

Hasegawa: You called me on the phone, right? To put it simply, at the time, I was so happy to be invited to work on Minato-kun's first project as a Chief.

"When he approached you two, you already had a card motif in mind, but where did the theme of "alchemy" come from?"

Minato: Over the course of our meeting, the word alchemy came up. This is a theme that so far, has never been used in the Kamen Rider series (in the main series), and the combination of cards and alchemy is rare. I thought, "Wouldn't it be interesting to depict this?"

Uchida: Also, at that time, the existence of Chemies hadn't been decided. I wasn't at the meeting, so, when I was briefed on it, I smiled bitterly at what a difficult path I'd chosen to go down…..

Minato: When Shirakura worked on the card battles in "Kamen Rider Ryuki," he concluded that the cards were like a proxy war, so he needed a gimmick that would allow the user to intervene. In "Kamen Rider Decade," the value of the cards was further enhanced by allowing users to become any Kamen Rider when using them, but this time, we needed to draw out the appeal of the cards even more. During all of this, the design of the cards that Bandai sent to us looked like living creatures, and the idea flashed in my mind that these were homunculi, monsters created through alchemy. That led us to Chemy. We agreed that it'd be exciting if the Kamen Riders fought using the cards that contained the various abilities of the Chemies, and that it'd actually be fun to collect the cards.

"At that point, was it also decided that there would be only one Kamen Rider appearing in the early stage?"

Minato: It was. If we were going to depict a hero who fights while switching cards, rather than increasing the number of Kamen Riders, it's better to increase the number of forms for each Rider, and this direction coincided with my desire to create a small number of Riders. In the early stages of the project, the idea was to keep the structure similar to "Kamen Rider Agito," with only 3 Riders. In the end, it became a single Rider, and he has to fight using all of his cards and switching between them.

"Did the current story come out of that initial plan?"

Minato: While working with Uchida-san on the scripts for the episodes 1 and 2, the flow of, "There are Chemies," "Alchemy is used," and "Houtarou enrolls at the Alchemist Academy" was determined. However, since there's so many people involved in the Kamen Rider series, when we were putting together the script, both Uchida-san and I were constantly receiving so many different opinions, that we felt like we couldn't accept them all…..With the way things were going, episodes 1 and 2 would get lost in story, and would never make it into the final script. After consulting with Shirakura, Tsukada, and senior Producer Kazuhiro Takahashi, it was decided that we ask Hasegawa-san, who had been asked to participate as a sub writer, to help us sort things out.

Hasegawa: Just when I was thinking, "Isn't it about time?" I received a call saying, "They're finally here!" But, when I thought it would be about episodes 5 and 6, I was told, "Please do episodes 1 and 2. These are the main ones." I was surprised and said, "Eh?!" and "They're not done yet?!" (laughs). At that point, it had been decided that Houtarou would be the son of a family restaurant, that he would meet Hopper1, and become a Kamen Rider. However, Houtarou was supposed to release the 101 Chemies. Houtarou, an unconventional guy, feels sorry for the Chemies he's stored in the cards and releases them, but then collects them again because of the trouble they've caused. It was a, "Cause problems and get credit for the solution" type of story. There was no clear enemy, and the Three Dark Sisters didn't exist.

Minato: I thought that if the Chemies were scattered all over the world and merged with bad people in town to become monsters, there'd be no need for a villain for the main character to face. Even if it became necessary halfway through, I ultimately didn't think it was necessary to have them appear in the first episode.

Uchida: There were so many elements revealed in the first episode, that I thought if we included even the villain, the audience wouldn't be able to keep up with the story

Hasegawa: By abandoning the "problem to solution" development, we needed an enemy.

Minato: At first, TV Asahi's producer (Chihiro) Inoue insisted that "It'd be better to aim for an easy to understand enemy." Then, Assistant Producer (Daigo) Matsura remembered this and proposed it again to Hasegawa-san, where the Three Dark Sisters were created.

Hasegawa: We had alot of discussions about what kind of enemy to make. "Kamen Rider Saber" had 3 males, and "Kamen Rider Revice" had 1 female and 2 males, so I came up with the idea of having 3 females to differentiate our characters.

Minato: I thought it was an interesting story, and that having three female villains would leave an impact. As a result, the first episode had a high proportion of female cast members for a Kamen Rider.

"It's true, the only male characters were Houtarou, Minato, Fuga Kudo, and Kajiki."

Hasegawa: At first, Kajiki wasn't there either. It started out as a couple students talking about urban legends, but then Inoue-san asked us to, "Make Houtarou have a friend," and so Kajiki was created.

"Chemies are living things, and we asked about this earlier, but was Hopper1 originally going to be the current mascot?"

Minato: It was Hasegawa-san's tastes.

Hasegawa: Ever since I read the first draft, I knew that Hopper1 had to be cute. Grasshoppers don't make noises, but I thought, "Let's make it cute!," so I improvised and wrote in that it says, "Hopper."

Minato: Hasegawa-san joined us without any prior knowledge, so he suggested out alot of ideas that we didn't think of, which was very helpful.

Uchida: I was happy to see that he kept the refreshing male and female buddy element, which we'd been advocating for since the beginning of the project.

"Did Uchida-san originally plan on making the male and female combination of Houtarou and Rinne the center of the story?"

Uchida: We were aiming for a fun and cheerful story about two teenagers, Houtarou and Rinne, who are both students.

Minato: In terms of casting, we planned from the beginning of the project to cast a young teenager as Houtarou.

Uchida: We also talked about how difficult it would be to find an actor who could play the role of Rinne.

Minato: Unlike Houtarou, who suddenly became a Kamen Rider, I thought that since she was his senior and came from a line of alchemists, even though they're classmates, she would require a slightly more mature attitude than Houtarou. I thought that the actor would be in her early twenties, older than Houtarou's actor.

Uchida: And then we met Matsumoto Reiyo-chan at an audition.

Minato: We found Rinne. And she's a mature 15 year old!

Hasegawa: Motojima Junsei-kun, who plays Houtarou, is exactly the image of Houtarou that I had envisioned. I thought they both fit their roles wonderfully.

Minato: I'm truly grateful for the opportunity of meeting Junsei-kun and Reiyo-chan.

"From episode 2 onwards, Renge Icho and Sabimaru Tsuruhara will appear as students of the Alchemist Academy."

Minato: They also existed at the time of Uchida-san's initial ideas. However, as I mentioned earlier, there was no villain at the beginning, so Renge and Sabimaru were set up as a rival team led by Kurogane Spanner.

Hasegawa: It was a 3 person team with Spanner as the leader, and Renge and Sabimaru as its members. They were going to fight for the Ride Chemy Cards with them. During the rough plotting stage of episodes 3 and 4, it was suggested that Spanner should be left alone.

Minato: I decided that Spanner would be like an elder brother, who guides Houtarou until he grows. That being the case, Spanner must be a strong character who can fight alone. That's when the characters were reconstructed, and Renge and Sabimaru became classmates of Houtarou and his friends at the Alchemist Academy. Come to think of it, it was Hasegawa-san's idea that Renge start speaking with a Kansai dialect.

Hasegawa: In the script for the episode 2, we had Renge speak with the Kansai dialect to differentiate her character.

Minato: I thought, "It's not going to be easy finding an actor who can speak in the Kansai dialect!," but it was fate that Abe Oto-san, who's from Osaka, was there for the audition. I asked her to improvise some lines in the Kansai dialect, and she really got into it. The only character in the Kamen Rider series with a Kansai dialect is Akiko Narumi from "Kamen Rider W," but it's rare for a character to have a Kansai dialect all the time.

Hasegawa: But, episode 3 reminded me of Akiko. There's also a takoyaki scene (laughs).

Minato: Originally, Sabimaru was set to have a VTuber avatar, rather than use AI. However, creating a VTuber was difficult, so we settled on AI.

Uchida: I had been in contact with (Rikiya) Tomizono-kun, who plays Sabimaru, for a long time, but I presented him with an audition without saying I was happy. I was happy to hear that he made it to the final audition. I knew he had experience as a voice actor and that he'd be able to play the voice of AI, so when he was chosen, I thought it was the perfect casting.

Minato: For the AI…..there was a proposal to use a voice actor, but despite his looks, Tomizono-kun can produce a low, handsome sounding voice, so we decided he could play the role of the AI as well. We were happy that we found someone who exceeded our expectations.

"We'd also like to ask about staffing. Director Ryuta Tasaki is the Pilot Director, and Hirofumi Fukuzawa, who was previously in charge of Super Sentai, will be the Action Director."

Minato: When Uchida-san and I, two newcomers, started Gotchard, we decided to ask a veteran Director who we could rely on to direct the pilot, so we asked Director Tazaki, who worked with us on "Avataro Sentai Donbrothers." I also asked Director Fukuzawa, who I had worked with on Donbrothers, and consider to be one of the top ten Action Directors in Asia, to be our director. As a result, the main staff, except for the writers, are the same as Donbrothers (laughs).

Uchida: Since the planning meeting, I've been wondering, "How would the alchemy be visualized in the first place?" On top of that, Director Tasaki carefully creates a format for the worldview and creates a work that's even more exciting than the script. Both episodes 1 and 2 had great visuals.

Hasegawa: The acting of the cast was also excellent. Kajiki was my favorite, but when I saw Kabe Amon-kun's performance in the show, I loved him even more. It's hard to resist the urge to only have him in more scenes when I'm working on the script (laughs).

"Please tell us about the opening theme song "CHEMY×STORY" and the insert song "Rising Fighter."

Minato: Since the very beginning of the project, I've been committed to the "Rider Kick Supremacy" principle. I mentioned Agito earlier, but Agito has been a special work in my life ever since I saw it for the first time when I was in my first year of middle school. The coolness of the combination of the Rider Kicks and the song "BELIEVE YOURSELF" has left a strong impression on me. Because of this impression, I'd always said that I wanted to leave the Rider Kick scene in the memories of the children watching Gotchard. We decided to play the "Kick Song" during the Rider Kick scene from the very beginning of the project, and it led to the song "Rising Fighter" sung by Beverly in episode 2. When music producer (Mayu) Ida-san asked me what kind of theme song I wanted to use for the opening, I said, "I want it to be an upbeat song." Then, BACK-ON was chosen as the artist, and we came up with a song with a bright, youthful feel that's typical of a high school Kamen Rider. I told Fujibayashi Seiko-san (who wrote the lyrics) that Gotchard was a bright, youthful school drama, and she wrote wonderful lyrics. Director Tasaki also responded to my wishes with a fast paced video, for which I can only express my gratitude.

Uchida: When I saw the opening video, I felt that we had to keep this positive feeling. It felt as if we received a message from Director Tasaki that the story of Gotchard should be like this.

"Broadcasting will continue for the next year. What are your goals for the future?"

Hasegawa: Our goal is to take good care of the characters. I'd like to continue to make the characters more appealing and continue to depict them throughout the year, including the villains.

Minato: If we look at some previous works, there are some characters who leave the show halfway (laughs).

Hasegawa: That's true…..(laughs) Right now, we're still at the stage of thinking about how to make the characters appealing in the drama. A year is a long period of time, and it's impossible to predict what kind of "chemical reactions" may occur. After overcoming these challenges, we may discover some aspects that we never thought of. First, I'm aiming for the final episode, and I'm going to write carefully without giving up on these characters.

Uchida: Of course, we value the characters, but when we actually met with the actors, we felt that, unlike in anime, one of the characteristics of live action productions is that, "Actors who aren't colored with any colors create their characters from scratch." As for Gotchard, Junsei Motojima-kun, who plays Houtarou, and Reiyo Matsumoto-chan, who plays Rinne, are making their first attempts at acting, so I think we must create a script that'll bring out their charm and brilliance even more. I'd also like to make Gotchard a show that can inspire the hearts of not only children, but also adults.

Minato: I'm going to get through the year thinking, "I must never lose the feeling of youth." Youth is a time of unconditional brilliance, and I think it makes not only the individual but also those around them smile. In Gotchard, I'll carefully depict the story of Houtarou and Rinne so that we can share the "sparkle" of youth together.

[anonymous-gambito]

Just finished watching but I refuse to say anything smart about Revolutionary Girl Utena since all that I've gathered and analysed has probably already been said before countless times in the last two decades and a half, so I'll just share some of my mostly unhinged reactions instead (not all in order):

- "What's with the egg cracking" "I should tell future kids this was the trans agenda"

- *Yelling* "I'VE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!"

- " 'Yeah I like guys. For instance, i like that one idealized guy I made up in my head' – said no baby lesbian ever" (sarcasm)

- "Thanks for all the trigger warning folks :)" "My biggest trigger was actually seeing cats be mistreated so RIP me I guess haha" (I went to Does The Dog Die as soon as I saw the cat this is a joke ppl no one overthink this pls)

- "When people told me there'd be incest in this I didn't realize it'd be the only sibling flavor on the menu"

- "That Black Rose stuff sounds like bad news but it's giving ppl cool outfits so..."

- "If I had a penny for every pink haired character who fantasized about that creepy dude looking like a young little twink I'd have two pennies, which isn't a lot but–"

- "When dudes peaked in highschool so they just decided to never leave"

- "I thought my first Ikuhara anime would have desensitized me to all other Ikuhara anime but in retrospective the butt stuff was a much easier metaphor to understand"

- "Are you really trying to go for both the brother and the sister???" (Things I have somehow said more than once while watching this)

- "Is that guy for real???" *Is actually legitimately doubting that guy's existence*

- "Spree of vehicular manslaughter (allegory) (allegory for other kinds of crime even)"

- " 'Daddy Long legs'? You mean, like, the book??? You mean the book or that anime adaptation where the age gap is actually creepier? Because the art style and the fashion in that thing was cool af but damn was it uncomfortable" "Anyways don't fucking call him that I might throw up"

- "They care more about the dress code than about all this child grooming going around so this is basically like ur average school"

- "He was LEADING HER ON! *hits table* I KNEW IT! He's been manipulative since the beginning so of course I suspected that he was encouraging his sister's feelings so he could have control over her and–" *keeps rambling*

- "This is the future the 'abstinence only sex ed' crowd want. Just look at them! They don't even see the red flags!"

- "My face is gonna get stuck in that cringe"

- *Starts biting table* "Hitting isn't dramatic enough for this anymore"

- "I'm getting all kinds of deja vu about that reveal, like I've seen it years before and had just forgotten about it until now" "which is surely annoying me because I did NOT sign up to be part of this show's narrative themes FUCK this immersive experience bullshit"

- "Intricate Rituals™" "Okay I'm just surprised I hadn't said that one before, considering..."

- "...Suddenly all that slapping around has gained a lot more narrative significance..."

[rivenroad]

10 years ago today.

Despite playing the beta and loving it, I actually didn't buy A Realm Reborn on release for a few reasons - I was just about to start my third and final year at art school, didn't have much money and my laptop at the time struggled with the game, plus I knew about the server issues going on at launch so I didn't feel too bad for missing it. I owned a PS3, but I'd heard what everyone said about it being inferior to playing on PC, so I was hesitant, but a couple of weeks later I bought it for PS3 anyway because I really wanted it. I feel like that was perhaps the first time that FFXIV helped me to cast off the influences of others and make my own decisions.

The first character I made in the game proper was a Duskwight arcanist. He doesn't exist any more, but I found screenshots of him the other week when I dug out my PS3. Back then, I was excited by the amount of options in character customisation because I hadn't played an MMO before with the level of variety that XIV had. I played around with a whole lot of different characters, most of them being on the extreme ends of things - unnatural blue and green skintones, tiny Lalafells, huge Roegadyn women who towered over everyone else. I really liked that those were options for the protagonist of a game because I hadn't played many other games where they could take a leading role. The first character I took to level 50 and spent the most time on, to start with, was one of those, but it took me much longer to realise that I was playing a character who I wanted to exist in the world, but not one that I actually connected with on a personal level.

Early on I also messed around with male Miqo'te and Midlanders, and I made a couple I really liked, but I was reluctant to actually commit to them and I think it was because I felt like I "shouldn't" - because it was predictable to be an anime catboy or a plain old human man, it was boring, those things had been done before. In a game that allowed you to be some combination of traits that was hardly ever seen in a protagonist role, why would you pick something that was basically... a trope? That's kind of how I felt, or rather, had been made to feel. I was mildly embarrassed that I wanted to be a catboy, so I resisted it for a while.

Eventually, though, I did take the plunge to make one and level him alongside a friend who had picked up the game a few months later.

That was Ayin'a. That was really where things began to change for me. I was finally playing a character who I really felt a connection with, who I felt actually represented some part of me rather than ones who I absolutely loved being part of the world, but just weren't really "me". I started to write, to roleplay, to create, to form connections with people with him as my avatar. I was enjoying myself and I was inspired in a way I hadn't really felt... probably since I was a child, because I was doing things from the heart, rather than trying to follow an idea of what I thought I should be doing.

A lot has happened since then and it's way too much to go into here, but this for me was a huge turning point that provided me with inspiration and passion to hold on to in some very, very bleak times in my life. And from there, more came - with a better understanding of what I found interesting, what I liked in a character, what I was interested in exploring and writing... My identity began to solidify thanks to this process. After a long, long long and dreadful slump I started to make art again because of FFXIV. And now, I'm fortunate enough to be in a position where I can call making art my career, where I can look forward to what the future may hold for me as an artist, because of the experiences I've had with this game.

Incidentally, Ayin'a himself is now retired as of Endwalker, both in and out of character. For as much as he means to me, he was never intended to be "the" Warrior of Light, and as soon as I was able to make a character who suited that role (it only took 6+ years...), I started winding down his role as my "main" in a gameplay sense, because at last I had character who belonged in those MSQ cutscenes rather than having to feel mild uncomfortable as I watched them feature a character who would absolutely not be in that role.

Plus, when it comes to his own story, he's had enough too - he made a bunch of money, got married, settled down in his beachside house with a bunch of odd pets and his husband to be a reclusive and grumpy yet altruistic neighbour. He's still around, and always will be, both in FFXIV and in other worlds I choose to transport him too, but for now that chapter is over. I'll always have a soft spot for him and how he was the start of my journey to understand myself and find my place in the world, just as I'll always be grateful for all the many, many ways in which FFXIV changed the course of my life.

I'm looking forward to the next ten years, and there were times in the not so distant past when I had no hope that I'd ever say such a thing truthfully.

[demonfuck]

thinking about making art that is patient

being the way that i am, this maybe kind of comes naturally to me

as a teen i found it interesting to make art with no audience in mind. as in, NO audience. it will sit on a server somewhere gathering dust

and it doesn't try to make you feel guilty for its isolation. it was never your responsibility to find it and interact with it and understand it. it's patient. it makes peace with itself

i'm happy with that process making it kind of timeless. there were never any references or details that demanded that it be read this week, or this year, or within this lifetime. i've always been fascinated by outsider art, including stuff that doesn't get found until after the artist has passed away

it makes MAKING art feel less urgent to me. to be able to make something, "put it out there", and then continue making it. i feel the URGE to get wrapped up in expectation and disappointment. to say, why did i make this if no one saw it? should i continue making it? if i continue making it, will resentment seep in to the text? what good are my good ideas if no one is looking at them?

i think there's a part of me that deliberately tries to avoid the pain of disappointment and unpopularity by expecting to be discovered long after my death. to say, well, wouldn't it be exciting if someone discovered my weird art blog or my unfinished book sometime in the future? i know of lots of comics and anime that have meant the world to me, that i didn't get to participate with in real time

still. it's all too possible to go too far with this sort of thing. i appreciate when this way of thinking let me work on art one piece after the next without stopping myself and forcing myself to try something different because this wasn't Doing Numbers. but doing it like this forever would cut me off from lots of wonderful experiences within my lifetime. to be able to learn what works and what doesn't. what's too difficult to parse, what's boring, what's annoying. unintentionally anyway. i don't mind making something difficult, boring, and annoying, but i rarely want to make something impossible to parse that puts you to sleep

when i was making art for myself, for my own needs, i'm glad i made it in a way that was criticism agnostic. and while i'd like to allow myself to maybe, advertise myself more, consider an audience more, i really want to retain the lessons i've learned in making patient art

idk. i want to push myself more this year ! because there's a major keystone of motivation in the back and forth conversation between audience and creator. i work faster when i know, specifically, that someone will see and respond to my work. and criticism plays a major role in becoming more effective at achieving whatever your art was meant to achieve. comforting someone, discomforting them, sharing a lesson, imparting a warning, or just helping them lose track of time safely in a world full of demands and danger

and then there's the money game. the "make something that will fund your next something" type game. make a portfolio of things that communicates what you're about, what your capable of now, that makes people imagine what you would make in the future if you're allowed to continue creating without starving to death. this basically runs in the opposite direction of my entire spiel about patient art, but i don't think it contradicts it. potentially, anyway

generally i think i've turned myself into that portfolio. when i talk to people, i'm showing them my Self as the thing i'm capable of. my problem solving, my comfort, my patience, my passion. i practice being valuable as a person and i hope sometimes that maybe that will be the avenue which sees my life get funded. "if you like talking to me today," i imply, "you should buy me dinner so that i am around to keep talking tomorrow!" is this normal? is this moral? join my patreon

[bitty-bits]

A Jolly SineTrismas

It surely was another year. Let's look back at some stuff, and forward to other stuff, in the final Bitty Bits edition of 2022.

First of all, happy holidays to all who celebrate. Yeah it is a bit late on the "more famous holiday" side of things, but there are still others going on, and... in general it's probably never wrong to be festive during all of December. (It's also not wrong to NOT be festive! Just pointing that out!)

Many things happened in this late half of the year, controversial things, stupid things, all things. Here I will talk about some that mattered to me, to some extent.

(Also, RIP bozo...naro! Good riddance!)

This issue is dedicated to @rick-666, friend and avid newsletter enthusiast who encouraged me to try to fix the broken ass email form thingy that should actually send these posts as newsletter things but just isn't working! I'll have it fixed next year, I promise!!!!

My Work - Where To Next?

So I've made and tried to make many things through the years, but as someone who pretty much does anything all the time, I'm finding myself often doing... nothing at the end of it.

In 2020 I basically started work on Ketchup Dreams by making its first characters, Bitty and Lake, with more to follow the coming years... but still nothing too substantial. Pondered with which medium to present these characters in. Comics? Animation? In the end I'd just continue adding some things here and there to the overall project, but it still doesn't seem like enough. I really want to build a good universe for these guys to live in.

So at the moment I feel kinda directionless. But hopefully that will change. I guess I won't know what sticks until I actually do stuff.

From Bitty also came the entire aesthetic, motif, symbol, meaning AND name for, I guess you can call my "indie" studio/group/label thing... which my future creative works will be released under, and who knows maybe even friends' creations. The "ᑎᐱ" thing was kind of accidental, but I liked it enough that I wanted it to mean something for me. Not to sound corny and dumb, but to me "ᑎᐱ" is kinda like another representation of the polarity we have in life, much like black and white, but in this case it would be something like... smooth and sharp. Yeah I'm not gonna try to give too much meaning to it, it's just for fun, mostly. Bitty's ears initially were meant to just be bunny + kitty ears (hence the incredibly original name) for an asymmetrical design, but that basically spiraled into everything else.

All that said I'm still doing stuff every now and then, I even have been experimenting with tweaking Lake's design slightly, you can even see a little bit of that in the header art here. More on that some other time...

You can check the current "roadmap" for Studio SineTri projects on the pinned tweet.

Why not "TriSine" instead? Because that just... sounds too normal. "Tri" is an existing and common prefix. Also the order matters.

The Tesla In The Room

I don't think I need to talk much about the whole thing with Elon Musk buying Twitter and everything that came with it. Mostly I'm just tired of it all. Billionaires, other than beings that shouldn't exist, are Boring and not even in a funny kind of way (except for Bill Gates, his mere existence is comedic to me probably thanks to early internet culture) I wish I just didn't have to hear about 'em. But I guess we can't.

Anyways this entire situation practically got me back into being on Tumblr daily, after I had left it in favor of Twitter in like 2015, and now... the opposite is happening, that's just how sick I am of Twitter. Not just the website itself but the people in it and the energy that usually comes out of there these days. Musk was simply a final nail in the coffin. The problem is... he just keeps adding more nails. Here's hoping Elon doesn't ruin the very last thing that made Twitter "fun" to me - TweetDeck, but chances it'll survive are slim.

I'm also on Mastodon btw. Juuust in case.

AI Art Discourse - What's Happening?!

"A Still of Klonoa in The Simpsons"

Speaking of Twitter, probably one of the least pleasing topics to witness over there lately will be this.

No doubt, "AI art" as a concept pretty much exploded into popularity in 2022, while it already existed in concept years before, this was pretty much the one year that, 5 years ago, we'd look at machine learning attempting art and say "now just think about how that'll be 5 years from now", and well, that time IS now. Kinda.

There's legitimate worry about whether or not the computer would be able to replace artists, but... personally I don't think it will ever BECAUSE... there will still always be a demand for humanity and human-created content no matter how good any sort of AI gets, and well, currently AI still struggles with "drawing" many things. But it's fine, earlier this year people were mostly memeing with AI generators, being impressed, confused, having a laugh, or everything all at once.

Until computers making drawings suddenly were no longer seen as cool but rather, bad!!! evil!!! problematic!!! etc. even though the reason for that all stems from... misconceptions and misinformation (sometimes on purpose, just because... I dunno. Internet rewards people who get angry at things.) about how the technology works to begin with. No, AI doesn't simply collage a bunch of pictures together, that just isn't how it works, even if it knows what a Mona Lisa looks like almost perfectly. It's hard to put it into words, but this thread I believe explains it a bit better in simpler terms (hopefully), even if you still don't understand, it's... best to not be too ignorant about it.

Of course, I DO think AI ethics is an important conversation that should happen, but not if it's... not gonna be a conversation in the first place. If it sounds too extreme, reactionary, or sounds just about as crazy as anything you'd hear coming from Alex Jones or like, your pro-life uncle™, then it probably isn't the way to go.

This made even people who think photography isn't art come out of their closets, if they even were in one.

There are good use cases for AI in art. One of them is allowing disabled individuals to also partake and experiment with visual arts. Yes, technically nothing "stopped" them from "really" doing it, but just look at how much that argument almost slips into ableism territory (and there is a surprising amount of that coming from some anti-AI folks.) Hell, I could've used AI to create a background for the art on my header as I'm mostly... a character illustrator, focused on characters, and just don't really enjoy drawing backgrounds much at all.

Anyways I recommend y'all check out AWAY (Are We Art Yet), a collective of artists and creators alike embracing AI but also fighting for more ethical AI usage (discussion about scraping images from the web, consent for works to be used as training data, etc.), without the reactionarism and sometimes ableism. They're a friendly bunch.

What I’ve Been Playing / Watching

Gravity Falls

Well, does it really?

Hey Kids, Have You Heard Of Gravity Falls? The show's 10th anniversary was this year and, having heard mostly only good things about it since then, AND as someone who had recently been sucked deep into the modern Disney TVA pipeline (DuckTales 2017, Amphibia and Owl House are also great and would also recommend), I made it a goal to watch all of it before the year ends.

At first I thought this, like other very successful shows, would have way too many seasons for me to really get into, so I was surprised when I found out that wasn't the case.

It's definitely a great show, even 10 years later. From what I saw very little of it comes across as dated when it comes to references or jokes, the characters being likable and interesting are about enough to hook you into it I think. Also Matt Chapman is in there a lot and as an avid Homestar Runner fan, you can just Tell not only through his voices, but his humor and vibes entirely in some episodes.

If there's one thing I probably can't get enough of is Disney cartoons made by some of the most... Non-Disney people on Earth.

The Dream I Had On December 25th

Usually I share my dreams on Twitter, but decided it might be neat to feature some of the more interesting ones right here. They are an essential part of one of my creations after all. This year though, for a reason or another, I had less eventful or weird dreams in general. But waking up on Christmas day this is what was on my mind:

For more of my dreams you can check out my dream journal with stuff since at least 2014, here.

I had a dream I can split up in three parts - first I was at an old house of mine but I could hear a new trailer for the Mario movie premiering far outside, a classic game song could be heard in it and things pointed to it being a Daisy reveal.

Second part was a Strong Bad thing, where I possibly interact with him directly and actually cause a change to homestarrunner.com "accidentally". He makes some sort of analog horror parody, and an old main page gets a new "feature" permanently. I felt a sense of realization since "I caused this". I really wish I remembered more cuz it was great

Third part is the one I can recall the most, it was what seemed like a weird Gravity Falls AU type thing, which is slightly mixed up with The Owl House - In what appears to be the first episode, Grunkle Stan is nowhere to be found, with probably Eda taking his place as the twins' "Graunt". The episode begins with Mabel just wandering around the forest, when she comes across several typically good luck signs all at once, things like four leaf clovers and such. Eda knowing better knows it's a trap and tries to protect Mabel, but she is convinced that Eda is a witch (which probably Should be a secret at first in this alternate timeline I guess, Eda Is Not What She Seems™) and EVIL!!! and ignores her, acting hostile towards her, even, so Eda locks her up in a shelter. Perfectly normal. In there she finds… a journal. It doesn't appear to be -the- GF journal but rather a mix of that and Philip's journal from Owl House. At first it looked like the journal could talk by itself but someone just happened to be there in disguise, it was Soos, who happens to know a couple things about the journal but probably not much. For some reason I was "watching" it in Portuguese and they'd give him a completely different name, likely starting with a hard C, but I can't remember now. Some weird magic thing happens too which I don't remember how it's triggered or when exactly in the episode progression it even happens but it would make food and candy "infinitely stretchy", where you could essentially have infinite amounts of something just by stretching them, and it caused children to go insane over it. Eventually Soos and Mabel made it out of the shelter, with the latter no longer feeling suspicious about Eda. That's about what I can recall.

Song of the Issue

I will now feature some cool music (probably just vgm) I like here, just because. Sometimes topical, sometimes not.

But today it might be.

A secret easter egg track, on the older 2008 MIDI version of the Charlie (the Duck) II soundtrack (that probably came into existence together with the 2008 Windows version of the game, as opposed to the original DOS version which much like other Wiering Software games only had sound effects, at most.)

It would only play on Christmas day, and was basically a slight arrangement of the proper theme, but with some classic Christmas tunes thrown into it.

The OGG/streamed version you hear on the Steam release cuts the song a bit shorter.

More Stuff

Audicons Fluent/2.0/Name Pending

Inspired by Microsoft's Fluent Design aesthetics and technicalities, this will be an update to my existing icon pack for audio formats, covering even more obscure formats that only 3 people know about! Just like the old pack, this will be fully compatible with probably any version of foobar2000. Very soon!

Ninjin on Archive.org

Yeah!

juke...box. AI. video.

yeah dude.

(no, seriously, it'll come out when it comes out. that's it.)

Miscellaneous Tumblr Side Things

I dunno, I just felt like... having a couple dedicated side blogs for specific interests, as some people do, cuz I have ideas. One of them will be about brazilian animation in general. Nothing fancy or scheduled, just things that will exist.

Conclusion

The more I write the more self-conscious I get that I might just be shit at writing Anything, but I still appreciate if anyone actually likes reading through!

Stay tuned for the traditional yearly dumb highlights collage pic™ on my main Tumblr (@lu9) and Twitter (if it's not completely broken by then...)

Bitty's Message of the Day

My new year's resolution is to Exist more!

[aromistic]

I've been thinking about a LOT of things lately, but what's really coming up tonight is thinking about having kids

like I've always wanted to have kids and be a mom since I was very little, it was something that I think my mom set me up for (like by saving stuffed animals for my future kids and talking about her experiences with motherhood in a way that implied I'd be doing it too)

But it never felt like PRESSURE, it always felt like a very comfortable inevitability. Like a relief, a certainty -- that everything I'm doing now is for the betterment of my future self and my future kids.

And lately at work I've been talking a lot to my coworkers, many of whom are moms. Whenever I do I feel like I'm soaking it up like a sponge -- hearing their joys and frustrations and wondering what I'll think. Will I be more patient than the ones who complain about how needy their kids are? Will I be able to calmly comfort my kids through first heartbreaks? And all those answers are just Yes! to me.

It's been a hard fucking few months for me, I'm not gonna lie. The last what? Year and a half? Since Nov 2022 I've had like 4 different jobs? Started and ended a relationship, which while it ended amicably, has left me just. Undeniably heartbroken. It's unearthed a lot of *way* deeper stuff (ow) but finally prompted me to actually go back to therapy (yay) so regardless of the path like. I'm on the way up now

But it's all just been. So crushing. The uncertainty and ambiguity of what the next month will look like. The next year. All of the resilience that I built up through surviving the pandemic seems completely stamped out. Hiking treads worn down into slippers.

But thinking about being a mom? Loving every little freckle? Staying patient through the hard days and the health scares? Crying through morning sickness with someone who holds me dear and wants me close. All of it. The stretch marks and the childbirth. The ugly parts, the beautiful parts. Tears and blood and viscera and little tiny hands. Homework. Doctor's appointments. Parent-teacher conferences. Figuring out what's for dinner every night when no doubt my kids will inherit my fucked up tummy issues (sorry in advance about that one)

Like. Yeah. I know it's not *actually* guaranteed. Nothing in life ever is. But motherhood makes me want to keep going. It feels more certain to me than pretty much anything else in my whole life.

(to the point that I'm SO fucking scared of that. I want it too bad. It's my biggest dream so it's also the biggest threat to my happiness. Fucking terrifying.)

But the belief in it, that I will have those little tiny moments with some little tiny hands, might be the most comforting thing I have right now

anyway. I post this in a semi-public place as an exercise in vulnerability. I feel like a year ago I was really good at it, but for a variety of reasons I convinced myself that being honest about what makes me scared and angry and hopeless will make me what? Less attractive? Too needy? Completely unlovable? So I'm a) trying to be less hard on myself b) practicing vulnerability even tho I hope nobody actually reads this and c) thinking about the specific fear and delight I'll feel when my water breaks and my wife (bless her. where is she) frantically drives me to the hospital

It's a very warm thought

[tobias-nf]

2023 plans, also launching this blog.

Hey everyone, Toby here!

I started this blog mainly as an outlet to write about my deskspace since I often do a lot of research beforehand on all the bits and pieces that go on and around my desk. Tumblr isn't really the website to post about SFF cases, flight sim gear or mechanical keyboards but Twitter's character limit makes it hard to go into detail and Reddit isn't really made for adding and building stuff onto older posts. I'll probably also talk about other things like video games, anime/manga, wanting to but never going hiking and Cold War-era Soviet military aviation, y'know those types of normal regular things.

My desk as of early 2023. It's all perfectly serviceable right now but there are two items I currently want to change.

First thing is the Tofu60 which I want to swap for a split ergonomic keyboard. I dont have as much space as I'd like for my mouse to move around for shooters (bumping into the side of the keyboard full force happened a few times, oops) so being able to move half the keyboard away for gaming along with splits looking like a fun typing experience makes me want to give one a try.

The other one is my Meshlicious, this SFF case has proven to be a really great home for my system. So good in fact that I haven't tinkered with it in almost a year which has left me with an itch for PC building. Having basically maxed out what I can do with the Meshlicious I want to move to a case that can be more of a long term project, eventually doing custom watercooling at some point (something I could do in the Meshlicious but when factoring in the cleaning thats required to keep custom loops running I'd rather build one in a case with a more maintenance friendly layout).

Another thing I want to change more broadly is that everything on the desk is a bit monotone right now, black PC case, black keyboard & mouse, black HOTAS and so on. Swapping out the keyboard and case like I mentioned with more interesting looking options will help somewhat but I'll definitely need to make changes in non hardware related ways to dampen the sterile vibes it gives off right now.

Anyway thats all from me for now. I'll probably go into much more detail about the individual parts of my deskspace as I replace and work on them in the future, thanks for reading!

(≧◡≦)

[dausy]

So I plan on finishing an illustration today and hopefully get it uploaded. I have a tentative first day at a new job tomorrow and now I'm stressing over that.

but also I spent the entire day out of town yesterday. We took our first ever outdoor rock climbing trip yesterday and I think all of us are feeling it today.

I felt kind of bad because I didn't have a chance before January to talk about some stuff I accomplished last year of all my hobbies and what I wanted to accomplish this year. So I figured I'd do a looksy backsy and ramble for a bit. Hopefully with cute divider icons if tumblr formats correctly.

so anyway, art related stuff. This time last year I was really wanting to try and build my own stationery set to sell at a local craft fair. Have to admit moving makes this seem too far out of reach. I do kinda feel like abandoning tiktok for youtube. Even though tiktok has the majority of my everything right now. Im at the moment enjoying the bloggy style rambling of youtube. I already have quite a few projects that I want to do but I feel like its been so long since I've uploaded an illustration that I need to do that first. I also have quite a few art supplies that I want to buy..maybe with like my first paycheck.

Games, last year I somehow managed to utilize my switch a lot. That thing went up on a shelf for a long time after animal crossing a few years ago and this past year I pulled it out quite a bit. I really need a goodreads but for video games so I can track what I've played because my memory is getting so bad. I played quite a few cozy games like ooblets and disney dreamlike valley but I also did some jrpgs like Atelier Sophie and Xenoblade Chronicles. I did just download harvestella as a break from xenoblade but I did enjoy the style of that game and would kind of like to play its sequels. I also at some point had meant to play Octopath traveller because I'd never played it and the sequel is out/coming out soon and the sequel looks better than the original imo.

The bulk of my playing though was Horizon Zero Dawn and its sequel. I played Assassins Creed Valhalla before that too so that was A LOT of open world explorey explorey, one right after another. I played HZD and immediately started Forbidden West immediately. I was really brain dead at the end. I get into insane map clearing mode and I cannot do anything until the map is clear. I really liked the idea of the story and I liked the open world nature. I originally wasn't interested in the game because of the machinery involved. Im more of a mystical dragons and castles person but I actually did really like the idea. I had some issues with the execution of the story. It taking itself so seriously yet being so cartoony at the same time. Ill play the triquel but I wasn't thrilled with HFW really.

Books. Previous year I did a personal challenge of trying to read 100 books and I think I got to 98. So I was a bit burnt out this past year. I did read more than I thought. Think I thought I read maybe 15 but I counted and read about 33 not including the Harry Potter Philosophers stone reread that I read in spanish. I do plan hopefully to read book 2 in spanish this year. I'm studying spanish and HP is such a familiar story I think it makes the language less daunting.

My favorite books were definitely Legends and Lattes and Home Before Dark by Riley Sager.

This year I have no real plans to read any sort of amount and I dont want to feel pressured to do so. I'm finishing some books that I didn't complete before 2022 ended. I finished 5 Days at Memorial right before the clock hit midnight practically on 2023 and it made me so angry at the medical field. I added 2 more medical books to my tbr. Ill finish 2 more books that are halfway done probably in the near future and then I don't know what else to read.

Ill admit trying to film art for youtube really interupts ones audiobook experience. I may just ditch books for ambient music.

[random-gamer1942]

Haha, nice. I've been playing for a few years so i'll try my best to explain

I'll split it up into character creation and actual play, and split character creation into build & character. Your build is like their stats and abilities, your character is like their personality and looks

Note: If you want tips for what to choose, where to find things, or specifications, ask the internet, your future Dungeon Master, or me:D (choose me please i love making characters and helping others do so)

Character Creation

To create a character, you gotta make a build and decide on their actual character (as in, who they are). You can start with either, really depends on the person and situation. Sometimes i have an idea for a backstory, which i then base a build around, but sometimes i wanna make a character based on a specific ability or subclass. You can choose how you do this, but i'd generally reccomend starting with a general idea of the other when writing up the first thing

Build

Depends very much on the level you start at. 99% of games will start at lvl 1-3, but ask the Dungeon Master beforehand. Also, ask them if they ban specific things, so you don't waste your time and creativity juice™. Anyways, you need to choose the following things: Ability Scores, Race (sometimes also a Subrace), Class (depending on class and level also a Subclass), and Background.

Abiliy Scores: Your 6 primary stats. They are Strength (physical strength), Dexterity (precise movements), Consitution (health and toughness), Intelligence (remembering and applying info), Wisdom (experience, mental strength, and instincts) and Charisma (emotional control and people skills). You decide these based on pointbuy (you get a pool of points which you divide), standard array (you get 6 numbers and choose which stat has which), or rolling (rolling dice for your stats, which everyone does differently). Ask your DM which your table uses

Race: there's dozens of different races, each with their own abilities, and sometimes drawbacks. Base your race choice on aethetics you're going for, abilities you want, and their ability score improvements. Same for your subrace (varients of a race), if your race you want has one

Class: Prolly what you know most about from youtube videos? Basically, a class is your role/job, although you can technically build any class to do anything (like a wizard that can tank). They specifically give you your main abilities, proficiency in some skills, and the equipment you start with. Your choices are Artificer (propably), Barbarian, Bard, Bloodhunter (maybe), Cleric, Druid, Fighting, Monk, Paladin, Ranger, Rogue, Sorcerer, Warlock, and Wizard. Your subclass is a a branch from your class, which you get at 1st, 2nd, or 3rd level (depending on your class). It gives you extra abilities within a specific theme, like the Beast Barbarian turning part animal when going into a rage, or the Storm Sorcerer using their spells to use, well, storm abilities

Background: Not the same as a backstory. It's basically a basepoint or simplification of a backstory, making you a bit better at some things, giving you some extra goodies to start with (most importantly, money), and an out of combat feature. All of these are basically tied to how you became who you are. Someone with the Noble background for example gets more starting gold than most others, new known languages, some better conversation skills, and one of two features, which are having 3 servants helping you or being well accepted by richer folk and having poorer folk treat you better out of respect/fear.

I think i have a wall of text explenation on how exactly you make a character somewhere, i can send it to you if you want. For the rest, specifics (subclass abilities, lists of races, etc.) can be found online. I like the dnd wikidot because it has basically everything.

Character

Who is your character? That's basically 100% up to you to decide. I'd try starting with the following things

Backstory: Not the same as a background (said it twice because my players still sometimes confuse them, lol). This is how your character came to be who they are. This can go back as far as you like, wether you just have some notes about their childhood, or a handcrafted family tree going back 200 years. It can also be any length, wether it's 3 sentences or 15 pages. Your backstory should generally either be what you base the other things on on, or how you explain them (depending on what you do first)

Characteristics: 4 traits of your character, working to either base their character off of or give examples of it. You have: Personality Traits, Ideals, Bonds, and Flaws. Personality Traits are some traits that are like a baseline for their personality. Anything from being a perfectionist to behaving differently around rich folk. Ideals are what their outlook on life or way of thinking is. Anything from believing in second chances to wanting to protect those that can't protect themself. Bonds are bonds to people, places, items, etc. Anything from a memory you often think back on to a sick childhood friend you wanna find medicine for. Lastly, Flaws, which are your weakpoints or shortcomings. Not believing anything you haven't seen, being clumsy, running away from enemies bigger than you, really anything that's any amount of relevant

Alignment: Ever seen an alignment chart meme? That comes from dnd. You have 9 alignments, with each character choosing Lawful, Neutral, or Chaotic, and Good, Neutral, and Evil. Good and Evil depend on morals, methods, and goals. Lawful and Chaos depend more on personal codes and consistency than following the law

Personality: A bit harder to pin down since you usually don't write it anywhere, and evolves over time. Should be vaguely based on their other character stuff and maybe race, but you can generally choose anything. A veteran could be anything from a serious, grumpy, and grizzled to calm, kind, and protective.

Looks: Barely matters at all, but oh so important. Your characters looks will mostly be dependant on their race, but usually you can go pretty wild with colors and some bodyparts. Eyes and hair specifically can be pretty wild, and literally anything from pastel green to bright pink to pitch black. If your DM is okay with it, you can also add some cool extras. Maybe they have plants instead of hair, maybe their eyes change color based on their emotions, maybe they're cold to the touch. For clothes, they can be absolutely any design you want, as long as it kinds makes sense. Like you wouldn't have a hoodie, but do you want an uptight uniform? Flowy robes? A large puffy dress? A hat that somehow never falls while running around fighting? Anything.

Aaaand, that about does it for what a character consist of. Now onto...

Actual Play

So first, what do you need? Only 2 things: Your character, and some dice. You can actually type "roll 1d20" or "roll 4d6" or something into google, and it'll actually roll those, so you only really need your character, which can be anywhere from on a real™ character sheet, to an app, to a random piece of paper

If you have your character, some dice, some other players, and a DM, you can finally begin playing

The Game

Usually, it works like this. First, the DM describes what's currently happening, then the players say what they do, and then the DM and the dice decide the outcome, rinse, change it up a bit, repeat. Especially roleplay can play out differentlt. Anyways, at any time, the DM may call for a roll if needed. Just know this: If you need to make a ... check, roll a 20 sided die and add the number on your character sheet, like your strength modifier. Rolling with advantage means rolling twice and taking the higher number, rolling with disadvantage is rolling twice and taking the lower number.

Here's an example:

DM: You all exit the cave, beaten and bloodied from the battle. It's around noon and it's pretty warm, although clouds are starting to form. What do you all do?

Player 1: I'd like to start bandaging up my allies

DM: Alright, roll me a Medicine check

*rolls*

Player 1: That's a 13, +5 from my Medicine makes that an 18

DM: Alright, that'll do it. You dig through your bag and grab some bandages and such, and you start treating your party members' wounds. I'll say you can all heal an additional die on your next short rest

Player 2: In the meantime, i kinda look at the clouds, as i say "Prolly gon' rain soon. How 'bout we find some cover. That cave there again perhaps?" I say, as i point to the cave we just left

Player 3: "No way", i say as i hold the wound that just got bandaged, "that i'm going back into that bloody hellscape again. I'd rather stand in the downpour than have to fight even one more lf those bats"

Player 1: As i finish treating their wounds, and my own, i say "I mean, there's a town south of here right? If we start traveling now, we should arrive before the rain gets too bad."

Player 3: "Ah, perfect." Do i still have that map?

DM: Got torn to shreds by a bat, remember? If you want to find your way there, roll me Survival, all of you

Etc.

Basically, it's all about acting and reacting, with the DM describing the surroundings, what's possible, how your rolls play out, etc. For the rest though, you can try doing, well, anything. You can go into town to get quests, search for berries in the forest, start traveling to a town you heard about, try pickpocketing the mayor, and a million other things

Outside of general playing and roleplay, you have combat. At the start of combat you roll Initiative, which decides the turn order. Once it's your turn, you have movement, an action, a free action, and a bonus action if you have something that needs it. Your movement is walking around, climbing or swimming, standing up, jumping, etc., with your speed depending on your race and any special increases. Your action is the main thing you do, an attack, an ability or spell that takes an action, dashing to double your speed, hiding, etc. Your free action is generally an item interaction, like opening a door, drawing a sword, picking up an arrow from the ground, or hearting a pos- wait a second. And if you have a bonus action, it can be an offhand attack or a spell or ability that takes a bonus action

Outside your turn, you can only do these things: making a saving throw, which happens when targeted by some attacks or abilities or using a reaction, like attacking someone moving past you or, say it with me now, an ability or spell that takes a reaction

For the rest there's not a lot in terms of combat? I guess enviroment stuff like fog and walls, but not really anything else.

Just mostly try having fun roleplaying and going on quests, trust me, it's great

So yeah, that's just about it. Hope it helped because i spend way longer on this than i would like to admit, and if you want help with your character, just ask

i just agreed to join a d&d group with 0 knowledge of how d&d works. i've since been watching every video i can find on the matter, and simultaneously understand both everything and nothing. could anyone please offer a little advice on how to play? asking for a friend :']

[veliseraptor]

☕ your favorite anime/manga of all time....

yes I know I posted this meme a week ago or more but sometimes things take a while, you know

anyway this is a tough one because I'm not actually sure how to answer it? I suppose first off I should say that I have read very little manga, not because I don't want to but more because the format made it hard because by the time I wanted to read there would inevitably be 30+ volumes, and my library would have maybe half of them, and purchasing all of them would be so much money, and I do not particularly enjoy reading manga online, generally. I just find the experience unpleasant. so there's that, though I'm a little sad about it sometimes. but since I'm also watching less anime now than I used to, the momentum to change this state of affairs hasn't quite materialized.

but to look at the anime I've seen and try to pick a favorite...well, for one thing there's ones I really remember enjoying but it's been ages since I watched them and I have no idea how I'd feel about it now (Steins;gate), or the ones I really want to watch because I'm pretty sure I'd really like them but just haven't quite made it yet (Revolutionary Girl Utena, Puella Madoka Magica).

but I guess what it comes down to is sort of three series that occupy different places in my "favorite anime" ranking, which are:

series that I actually think is probably the best one, in terms of storytelling, and also like the visuals best: fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood

series that I imprinted on at a young and impressionable age that was extremely formative, but objectively has a lot of issues: death note

series that I am at this point probably most into for the thematic elements and hits a lot of very specific trope buttons for me, but certain things about it really bug me, particularly in terms of design: code geass

I'd say that's more or less how it breaks down, at least as of today, november 21st, 2022. who knows what anime I may watch in the future.

[daz4i]

my pitch for the persona 5 arena game. atlus hire me

this is very long so under a read more it goes

royal compliant, so the whole maruki thing did happen. all the phantom thieves have graduated by now (or at least the current second years did), so it's post strikers too as to not conflict with that timeline. having a hard time with school in his hometown and generally not being interested in a higher education, akira ends up not going to college. he's grown apart from his friends as they all progressed with their own lives, mostly sticking to texting in the group chat but nothing more.

he's having some crisis about things: a sense of no future, trauma from the interrogation room, grief over goro - but he can't talk about it with anyone or get professional help bc he's scared they'll use it against him. he ends up bottling things up, but as time goes on it becomes too much, to the point it manifests a new world - not quite the metaverse, no. more like... an arena 👀

to mix things with the previous games, it's time to make "akira is from inaba" canon, so the arena is based there, kind of rising from the ground and destroying half the town in the process. the p4 squad are the first to notice, naturally, but only some of them are still living there (I'd say probably kanji yukiko and chie). they call the shadow operatives first, and then the rest of the investigation team

"but how will the phantom thieves get there? shouldn't they be the main group in the story?" glad you asked! the shadow operatives actually have a new member, someone who has a lot of personal experience with shadows and personas, who also happens to have to stay hidden from the public and keep the fact they're alive from the people they know. y'all already know it's goro lmao. I'm a firm believer he lives after royal, and in the canon verse making him a shadow operative makes so much sense, esp if he's looking to hide himself from the public and the thieves

but he feels bad about hiding himself for so long - the years softened him a little, he actually believes in having teammates now that he's got some therapy - and i have now decided he knows akira is from inaba bc I'm sure it was brought up before, so he's worried he might be in danger. he calls akira, but gets no answer, so he tries the other thieves and asks them to get together and come to inaba (I'm guessing he catches like, one of them and gives them a rundown of what's up to pass to the rest of the team).

so now we've got all three groups in inaba, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I'd say it's a bit like in p4u where all the residents are missing, but electronics still work here for story convenience.

anyway, while they're trying to explore the town, each of the thieves arriving separately, they get attacked... by... akira? this is where the gameplay begins. the thing that's attacking them, it's akira, or it looks and sounds like akira, but he's copying their attack style and methods - to the player it looks like the same animations and moves set.

we got a joker card here y'all, he's matching whoever he's fighting atm. personas wise I'd say he uses some of the velvet room ones, the one he uses in each battle depends on the other person's element so he just uses whichever persona specializes in that.

once the thieves beat this akira, he basically turns into black dust like a cognition would when destroyed. it's not actually him, but rather his anger at the unfairness of life and the repressed rage he has over growing apart from his friends manifesting into "him" attacking them. the fights are all one on one so for once he gets to have a fair fight, to not be at a disadvantage or have to think 3 steps ahead, just let loose and fight and express all of his bottled up emotions. he can only afford to let things out through cognitions in this world of his own creation

I'm guessing it's all subconscious for him. he's probably inside the arena, waiting, maybe not even realizing this isn't a dream. once the thieves reach him for the final boss battle (after, I'm hoping, more plot I'm too lazy to figure out now lol) i want it to be one long battle where you switch between the thieves in the order they joined the team, each of them having to beat the real akira in turns. i wanna say his health bar is just really large and you gotta whittle it down to a certain point to switch to the next phase/thief, where akira switches his persona to the same element of the thief he's fighting just like the regular battles, but does have his own unique moveset this time.

i don't have much else plot wise. i guess there needs to be some god involved and i nominate yhvh bc he def symbolizes unfairness in my eyes lmao. could be that he takes over akira or smth for the last phase/the whole story and is the reason why his health bar is huge OR that after the akira boss battle he rejoins the team and things switch back to his pov and he's the one who has to go beat that god himself, finally letting his feelings out on the being that caused his suffering

but that's all i have hehe. open to hear ideas on how to progress with that. i just want goro to interact with naoto and ken in the canon universe tbh. and for akira's trauma to be acknowledged and i think a post canon game like that is a great opportunity for that, especially when you consider royal's ending and how it only makes sense for him to be this fucked up in the future

i also think the idea that anyonee can become distorted and destructive as a result is a good one that helps highlight p5s's themes and brings an interesting twist on the base game and royal. the unfairness thing connects well to both maruki (who has no reason to be in this game, but the echos of his actions are surely felt) and goro (who should be the replacement protag imo, and this can serve as a mirror to him in a more raw and direct way)

tldr: hire me atlus

[akirameta84]

thinking about it, was there anything stopping kusuo from re-petrifying akechi over and over until he figured things out?

sorry for spelling mistakes haha. if its not major I'm too lazy to reread and catch em all(™)

it never says he has a limit on this ability like that, so if he had been extremely determined to not let akechi find out, he could've kept trying different future outcomes over and over

but would a person petrified experience hunger and thirst while in that state? if so, this would only be possible a day or two without serious negative effects. but from what we've seen, im fairly certain everything about the individual is frozen like that, so I doubt so

of course there was people and noticing akechi's disappearance, and akechi himself nothing the missed time. but if he got the timeline right, then akechi would've never been even entered the room in this instance, as seen by the failed timeline where hes closer with his friends group. thus its a moot point, and making the idea of keeping him frozen longer plausible

considering how the other two espers came to know about his powers, it really makes you wonder why he gave in so easily. kusuo had almost told aiura because he believed its be inevitable, but when he realized his aura was too large to be seen up close, he forfeited, only having to confess in order to save chiyo's life.

toritsuka had found out completely on his own, and by the time he approached saiki, there would have been too many memories to erase them all with his memory alteration, as its stated he can do a minute at a time.

and, interestingly, in the manga there's a whole day between saiki receiving toritsukas letter and him arriving, while in the anime its the same day. saiki is even able to complete his psychometry on the letter. it actually makes more sense in the anime, though, as surely he'd have noticed his glove was missing before a whole day had passed?

anyways, point stands that family is the only people kusuo has completely willingly told about his powers were family members. and yet he gave in so easily to akechi.

something that's striking me as odd is when akechi revealed himself to be someone from kusuo's past, and someone who suspected him of having powers...he did nothing.

as seen on aren's first day, he could've easily had akechi transfer out or just make him stop attending.

sure it might've been suspicious, but a combo of forcing him to transfer out and some memory alteration making him forget kusuo was at PK, that he attended PK, or that he was transferred out strangely, any may have possibly worked.

or better yet, petrify and perform the time leap stunts much earlier, before akechi had such concrete evidence. akechi likely would've responded readily to an invitation over to kusuo's house, and he could've attempted to deal with the problem then.

sure its possible he didn't think about that, but with how covered everyone of kusuo's bases have been throughout the series, I heavily heavily doubt it. and besides, I think there's more to it.

one thing kusuo mentions being happy to have fixed at the end of akechi's time travel arc is erasing the fact his younger self told akechi about his powers.

he regrets this truly as a teenager, but his younger self was a lot more complacent about telling him, up until akechi spilled the secret himself in order to hope for kusuo's protection, but even kusuo acknowledges its normal for people to reach out to those who they know can help

he smiles like this after his confused face fades, and tells akechi about his powers. his younger self didn't have much of a reason to keep his powers from someone he viewed as a friend, and even showed MUCH less emotional repression imo.

but there was one striking reason.

look at how the smile on his face fades each time he recalls what his mother said. he actively wanted to show them his powers, not just akechi either.

his older self acknowledges that akechi felt like a friend to him, which is kusuo speak for he felt they were pretty close friends, considering that the main cast is still mostly classmate or aquintence level at the end of the series according to him.

considering how easily kusuo gives in to telling akechi after his admittedly extensive process trying to prevent this outcome...I'd say, honestly, kusuo still feels the same way about akechi.

he certainly tolerates akechi referring to him by his first name, and even though aiura does as well, im not convinced she'd listen if he even told her off. (tbh, his whole friend group has issues with listening to him, and his mom forcing him on outings isn't helping. but thats a rant for another time)

the day akechi invites himself over, its done merely to hang out, and kusuo is slightly surprised by this.

of course, even akechi has to cheat his way into staying, but kusuo is like that to everyone.

kusuo isn't used to people coming over just to hang out, as whenever the rest of his friends bug him, they need something most of the time. and when the two of them get into betting on the horse races over cake, as frustrated as kusuo gets, id say he enjoys himself. one of the last panels says as much

I hit the image limit, but near the end of chapter 266 his eyes have the sparkle effect they do when he's actually feeling emotions. its so sweet. and during the end of the showdown arc, kusuo repeats to kuusuke the the same phrase akechi said to him after taking the power remover. "I can still be your playmate"

overall, coupled with how easily kusuo gave in to telling about his powers, without even a single death threat to keep akechi silent...yeah, he definitely thinks of akechi as a good, maybe even close friend. even if he doesn't believe or admit it to himself, its true.

thank you for reading i got this in my mind after rewatching the time travel arc, hence the random anime images instead of panels which I can grab more easily as examples lol

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 5)

I'm back on my bullshit. I decided I'd post these, once a day, four days a week. Then I'll go on breaks for the weekend to let interested readers catch up while also further writing more entries. At the time I'm posting this, for example, I'm in the process of analyzing Chapter 39. That way, it's easier for everyone to enjoy this essay. Which I hope people do.

Anyway, this can finally truly be called a ship essay, because one of our key players has FINALLY developed feelings! Going forward, Natsume's behavior will heavily feature his growing affections for Mikan. We'll be analyzing Natsume's self-preserving hesitation as well as his immediate instinct to give up any chance he has from the get-go.

Chapter Seventeen

Natsume next shows up to walk into Class B during a commotion of Mikan’s retelling of the Reo incident. The kids all gather around him now too to ask questions and press about his condition. One kid even asks if he should teach Mikan a lesson for bragging about his rescue. Mikan smiles at him, under the assumption that their shared trauma has brought them closer and maybe even made them friends, but Natsume’s response is to simply turn away and ignore her.

He’s still Natsume after all. This is the first girl he’s ever liked, and she used to be somebody he despised, so the change in feelings is probably very strange to him. He’s confused and possibly embarrassed. He doesn’t know what to say or how to act.

Can't have her getting any ideas that he's completely changed his mind about her or anything.

Most of the people that Natsume likes at the school (although that is just Ruka and Youichi… so… you know) know that he likes them. He spends time with them, is gentle with them, does things for them, and can openly say kind things to and about them. Mikan is different. He used to be her number one enemy, so all of a sudden switching gears and becoming her friend would be quite odd.

Over time, Natsume will find ways to be gentle and sweet to Mikan, but for now his crush is brand new and he doesn’t know how to act quite yet. He’d rather avoid her entirely, or pretend like nothing happened, than openly approach his new feelings.

Furthermore his behavior is always and under all circumstances inseparable from his status as Persona’s favorite and as the Black Cat. He may have some loved ones, but he keeps the number low and tries to avoid getting close to people for a reason. Naturally, nobody could ever really understand his experiences so there will always be a divide between him and the rest of his peers, but even more than that is that considering people precious turns them into targets.

Natsume has probably learned the hard way that displaying closeness and affection for his friends can have dangerous effects, so he might now think of showing that kind of affection as selfish or even cruel. Why subject somebody to something like that, merely because he has feelings for them? It’s not fair.

In either case, it’s really not that Natsume is naturally mean and cold. He just doesn’t trust his situation enough to properly act. It’s safer in every way to just pretend like nothing changed. It’s too much to deal with otherwise. But sooner rather than later, the hard thing will be staying away. Eventually, maintaining coldness with her will be almost impossible.

Chapter Eighteen

This chapter further touches on Natsume’s new-found crush and its consequences.

Class B is used to being in an environment where Natsume hates Mikan and is bothered by everything she does. He gives in to her slightly, in small ways, and it shocks his classmates. Now, it’s understandable that, even if he hadn’t developed a crush on her, he might still be softer to a girl who risked her life to save him, but it’s still odd.

Mikan recalls asking Natsume for help training her alice. She needs an offensive alice to nullify, so Iinchou or Hotaru’s would be ineffectual in training. Natsume is really the best person to ask, and, to everyone’s surprise, he actually agrees to help.

Natsume doesn't need any convincing to help her, but what did she think practicing with a fire alice would entail?

And yes it does seem like he’s only doing it to torture her, because his alice is capable of genuine bodily harm and his admirers snicker with amusement at his antics, but I can’t help but assume there’s more to it.

He doesn’t really hesitate to help. He doesn’t need convincing at all. In some ways I think he did genuinely want to help. Her alice helped save his life, after all. Why not repay the favor by using his alice to help her train? To him, there's a lot of value in her alice, so training it is beneficial in his perspective as well.

And later still, Mikan spots Natsume sitting amongst the principal students. He stands out, as an elementary student next to upperclassmen. This moment is a good introduction to the arc. His crush on Mikan only grows stronger as the festival goes on, but there’s something looming over him too--he’s different from the rest of them. He stands out so much during the festival. He’s a dangerous ability type who’s not allowed to participate while also being a principal who has to sit on the stage for the opening ceremony. That's horribly ironic, but also shows just how singled out and under the spotlight he is. It’s a huge part of why he acts the way he does, so cold and mean and distant despite his growing affections. It’s all he can do.

He may see potential for a future, but he’d be foolish to think he should be able to acquire it, because his current circumstances have not changed at all.

The chapter ends with Natsume being asked by Koko if he wants to try out the special ability class event. He’s looking towards the special ability area, and we can tell the next chapter will be fun.

Chapter Nineteen

And how!

Natsume is here to see Ruka, his best friend, but he’s also here to catch a glimpse of the girl he has a crush on.

Sumire is also there, and it’s interesting to see that Natsume hasn’t changed in his attitude around her either, even though she also helped save him. She tries to embrace him and he dodges her.

This catches some people’s attention and they start to whisper about his presence.

In the anime, this moment is a bit more potent, hearing the murmurs and seeing a darkness over the gossiping kids, but the manga still establishes that the people waiting in line are by-and-large unhappy to see him. They whisper amongst themselves, rudely asking why he’d bother to come here, but that gloom only lasts for a moment (one singular panel and then Natsume’s responding bitterness) before Mikan appears jumping over the wall, calling his name and even smiling.

It’s almost like she was waiting for him to show up, running off from her post the second she heard Natsume was there. The dark looming screentones are replaced with flowery ones, and it’s hard not to think of this as his perspective: all is gloomy and then there is Mikan. All of a sudden, after hating her for so long, he thinks of her as bright sunshine, and he must have showed up just to see her and feel nice for a change.

It's Natsume seeing Mikan through floral-filter lenses for me...

Of course, he ruins the mood. It feels almost as if he does it solely because he knows it will upset her. She was so excited to see him, and he manages to completely turn her mood from eager to angry, just the opposite of how she was able to unwittingly turn his mood from gloomy to... as close to content as he can get.

He’s okay now. He doesn’t want her getting any ideas.

Now, in my opinion, his method of bothering her could be anything and the plot would remain the same. What matters is that he wants to piss her off, and this just so happens to be the way he does it, partially because it’s intended to be funny. Mikan has to get angry at him for this chapter to progress the way it does, but his actions could have been replaced by any other irritating action and it could’ve gone the same way.

Tsubasa then appears, drawn to the sound of a loud commotion. He sees Natsume and vaguely wonders why he’s there. Everyone knows Natsume, at all grade levels, because he’s famous. For Tsubasa, whose only real knowledge of Mikan’s relationship with the kid is that he causes trouble in Class B, it would be strange to see him at the RPG.

Natsume, meanwhile, has no idea who Tsubasa is. Seeing Mikan crawl all over her senpai, seeing him easily comfort her, is something that bugs Natsume. He glares at Tsubasa, somebody whose name he doesn’t even know, and then starts leaving with Ruka.

At first, Tsubasa is confused to be treated like this, until he hugs Mikan tighter and sees both Natsume and Ruka turn in jealousy. Tsubasa gets it immediately. Thus begins a strange and tumultuous frenemy relationship between Tsubasa and Natsume, where they both begrudgingly understand each other while also irritating each other beyond belief.

Natsume is not interested in playing the game, insulting it and wondering how anyone could get hooked on it. Ultimately, it’s not even Mikan who convinces him to give it a shot; it’s Tsubasa taunting him, “then you should be able to win, no problem, right?”

Tsubasa will come to regret saying this, because the answer is yes.

The RPG is designed to be tough. Nobody has won the whole game yet. Beating one or two students is one thing, but being able to outsmart or outmaneuver the entire special ability class is a difficult feat.

Natsume agrees to play, and gets a robot cockroach as a weapon.

Tsubasa is hugging Mikan as Natsume is about to enter, and that pisses him off even more. He decides that Tsubasa will be his slave, his motive being get your hands off her. This is silly considering that just a short time ago, Natsume hated Mikan. His feelings really did a 180.

The challenges pick up in difficulty as he goes on. The first one is effortless. He doesn’t even move from where he’s standing. The mirror-alice girl just freaks out about the cockroach and sends him on his way after two seconds.

The next one is trickier, and Natsume will need to put in more effort than just standing and waiting for the cockroach to do its job. But not that much effort. He sits next to Megane, lights a fire, and waits. It’s a scorching flame, and although Megane tries to tough it out, he gives in with two seconds to spare. Natsume, a smartass, quips sarcastically that he’s sorry--he really can’t tell how hot it is. (This is not actually important or anything, it’s just interesting that Natsume is not affected by his own flames and can’t feel the heat of them. I might end up referring to this a couple times.)

With the exception of the first and last challenges, Natsume uses his alice to beat the maze; either by heating Megane up so his soul goes back into his body, or by writing with fire instead of chalk. The next challenge is the one Natsume has been waiting for and he’ll use his alice here too.

Tsubasa is shocked to find Natsume has progressed so quickly, but he proceeds with the challenge: Natsume has to touch him in thirty seconds, but it’ll be tricky ‘cause he’s held in place by his shadows. He toys with Natsume’s shadows a bit, which really pisses Natsume off. Tsubasa even apologizes nervously, even though he’s the one in control. Or he is, until Natsume uses his alice again and gets rid of the shadows.

Natsume’s anger towards Tsubasa all stems from jealousy. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging and comforting Mikan, it’s that he can. Natsume needs to distance himself from Mikan in order to keep her safe, and he’s aware of that right from the start, but there’s more to it. He’s busy establishing himself as an enemy to Mikan, doing things to bother her to make her angry with him, but nobody rushes to their bully for comfort, and Natsume knows this. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging Mikan; it’s that he feels like he will never get the chance.

And so the next and final challenge is where he gets to be selfish.

Mikan is aggravated to see him, obviously not thrilled that he was able to make it in such a short time. Her task is that he has to get her off the carpet in thirty seconds. He can’t hurt her or force her off the carpet, and because of their alice training together, he can’t use his alice on her either. (They’d apparently practiced so much that she was able to sharpen her skills significantly. Before, her alice was a wildcard and she struggled with using it, but now she’s able to use it with relative ease. That’s a lot of training in a short time, and I’m sure Natsume wasn’t upset at all the time they had to spend together as a result.)

Natsume must feel relief regarding Mikan's nullification alice. She's nullified his alice in pretty big ways already, one time to save his life. The girl he's crushing on is capable of turning off the thing that decreases his lifespan. She really is a breath of fresh air, in more ways than one, and his appreciation for her alice, even if he doesn't voice it, will only grow. This is important, but I'll talk way more about this in the other POV.

He tries the cockroach, but she’s a country girl and unaffected.

Natsume is genuinely stumped by her challenge, admitting to himself that it’s a tough one. He then comes up with a risky idea, no doubt influenced by her rescue of him when they were kidnapped by Reo. He plays sick. This act only works if Mikan falls for it and is concerned enough to jump off the carpet, but he’s a good actor on account of all the sick experience he has and she does fall for it in no time. Her being concerned was a given.

She jumps off, meaning he’s won the game, but that’s not enough of a victory for him. He acts sick until she’s closer, so he can grab her and put his arm around her. Yes, he calls her an idiot, but this is the closest he can get to a hug… for now. It doesn’t matter that she’s annoyed and dismayed that he won. All he cares about is that he got to touch her.

She jumped down. He won already, but it's not enough! (Also sorry about two pictures. If it ruins the format, oh well.)

Natsume was jealous that Tsubasa got to do something he thinks he'll never be able to, and so he got a taste of what he wanted some other, convoluted way. He gets angry that Tsubasa is so touchy, but that's only because he wishes he could be touchy too. Natsume will get bolder and bolder with his physical affection, because he will want more and more to show it. When he starts being honest about this affection, she will be more eager to return it.

Natsume is the first winner, and Tsubasa admits it was never expected for somebody to be able to pass all the challenges. Part of the appeal is that it’s an unbeatable game, but Natsume’s feelings of jealousy and spite were enough to get him over the finish line. Though perhaps knowing it's beatable but only one person could is also appealing. It's possible to pass, but very rare for somebody to be able to, so they can draw in crowds by capitalizing on kids who want to the next person to beat the game.

He gets to choose a lamp, but he has no idea which one is whose. He cheats by asking Koko to tell him which one is the right one, but he ends up picking Mikan’s, because Koko assumed that’s the one he wanted. After all--Natsume was thinking about her. Natsume is lucky that Mikan was too anguished at being a slave to care about Natsume thinking about her, but it’s interesting to know that even when he’s supposed to be angry at Tsubasa, he was only thinking of Mikan.

Chapter Twenty

This chapter’s premise is pretty simple and light: Natsume can’t think of any use for Mikan other than to follow him and Ruka around the festival and carry their stuff. They navigate the technical ability class area and even encounter Hotaru, though only for a short time because she’s quite busy.

Most importantly, their time in the technical area makes Mikan insecure. Everyone in the tech class seems to know what they want to do with their lives, with their alices being perfect for research or creation. I’ll go into more detail with this during Mikan’s essay, but it’s important to note that Mikan asks the people around her if they’re prepared for their future only to see that they all are. Hotaru, Sumire, and even Ruka all have dreams for the future, even if Ruka won’t share his. Natsume has decided to leave the conversation and we don’t hear what his dream is, which makes sense because he doesn’t have one. Natsume doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to graduate, so why even bother wasting his own time and getting his hopes up for something unattainable?

It’s then revealed that Ruka is also a triple, and Mikan can’t tell, but the mood has been soured for Ruka. His triple-star status is a touchy subject that he’s unhappy with. His star rank is representative of Natsume’s suffering and he doesn’t like talking about it. He only says that he didn’t mention it because he didn’t get it on his own talent or effort before Natsume forces Mikan to walk in another direction, claiming to be hungry.

This is literally just a scan of the TokyoPop version, which is better than the other version I see floating around.

He can tell Ruka is uncomfortable and is ready to step in so that his friend can feel better.

As a result, they end up at the cafe where Anna is working (after all, Mikan has been perfecting her puppy-dog eyes routine and I think both Ruka and Natsume are affected, even if the latter would never admit it).

Natsume takes the first bite of Anna’s hell pie, just to see a rot demon (or whatever that thing is) taunt him about the trouble his stomach will be in soon. He really doesn’t have a choice but to throw the tea over the pie. Ruka is grateful, but Mikan is outraged at how rude Natsume is acting, and even angrier when Natsume explains that the pie was horrible. She demands he apologize but Natsume simply walks away, content to be the bad guy because he saved his friends from getting food poisoning while also sparing Anna’s feelings and reputation at her cafe.

"Your stomach will writhe" is such a potent threat. I feel sick just looking at that demon/scoundrel/rot thing.

This scene has more substance than in the anime. In the episode, Natsume sees the rotten scoundrel (or WHATEVER IT IS) before he can take a bite. He tosses the tea for all their sakes and ultimately nobody is hurt. But here, in the manga, Natsume has already taken a bite. We see the missing part of the pie, the residue on the fork. Natsume is already screwed. He's going to have food poisoning from Anna's pie, and he still puts her feelings before his own. He'd rather say that the pie is terrible according to his own tastes than to let everyone around know that she made such a health-risking mistake. He drenches the pie so that Mikan and Ruka don't get food poisoning, even if it's too late for him. Natsume leaves, knowing he will look like an asshole, AND with stomach problems on top of that, but at least he's the only one who will be seriously hurt.

This is a pretty insignificant example of a trait that we have seen before with Natsume but haven't really fully explored. It's going to play a major role for the rest of the manga, because Natsume has something of a martyr complex, where he is quick to sacrifice himself because he sees little to no value in his own happiness. This is a small example, and I'm not saying it's not kind of him, but there are consequences with his line of thinking. He's fine with looking like an asshole to protect people, or giving up things he wants so someone else can have it, or blowing himself up so two girls can escape safely. Whenever there's a chance to sacrifice himself, Natsume will take it every single time.

This may seem noble or romantic or admirable but it's not healthy at all. The way he was raised (no shade to Papa Hyuuga and Kaoru but also.... tentatively side-eyeing them for putting so much responsibility on him) and the way he is now tortured by the school has put him in a position where his self esteem is horribly low. This complex of his results in suicidal tendencies, even after he falls in love with Mikan (and even exacerbated by that love). For Natsume, love is sacrifice. He simply cannot love without feeling like he has to give something up. Ideally, he would grow out of this and maybe start seriously choosing himself sometimes. It's not evil to want yourself to be happy and to choose your own well-being, even if it occasionally makes others sad or upset.

In the context of the actual story though, we have yet another glimpse of a complex that will cause a LOT of trouble down the road for Natsume and Mikan.

Conclusion

Natsume has new feelings for Mikan and is having trouble navigating them. They will cause even more trouble in the next essay. We also touched more on Natsume's self-sacrificing tendencies and how devastating they will turn out to be. These tendencies will be consistent and persistent throughout the manga in regards to NatsuMikan's relationship, and cause more problems. These problems will pop up a bit in the next part, so stay tuned!

Also, small note: I call him Ruka and not Luca because I got used to it after watching the anime and through scans and fanfics. I heard his name pronounced that way and at first thought it was a Japanese name so I simply copied the pronunciation. When I found out it was supposed to be Luca, I'd already been using Ruka for a while. I don't really want to switch to using Luca most of the time because I know people in real life named Luca/Luka and I talk enough about GA on the daily where it might feel strange to me. I use Luca sometimes when I'm talking to others who prefer it, but Ruka is what I'm used to. I hope this isn't frustrating, but understand that I pronounce Killua's name (from HxH) like "Ki-ru-a" as well and in my head "Gakuen Alice" is pronounced "Gakuen Arisu" because I pronounce things based on what I hear when watching the anime ;-; These are things I have no real desire to change because they sound right to me. I'm sorry. (Nobody has said anything or complained, and this is not a vague or anything like that! I just wanted to say that I know it's supposed to be Luca and it's not my intention to be disrespectful when I pronounce/spell it Ruka. I am fucking crazy, but I am free.)

<- Previous Next ->

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #13

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

[AO3]

((edited because I figured out to add some more history facts that I think are important))

~POV Sinbad~

"The Kou Empire, huh?"

"That is going to make things risky."

With all of the Generals caught up with what happened in Balbadd, they needed to start planning for King Sinbad's trip to the Kou Empire, as well as catching him up with everything that had happened in Sindria while he was gone.

"LadY YamuRAI H AA AA A" A yell came from the hallway accompanied by the sounds of running.

((Sinbad is hidden on the left. There's a hint of him poking out.))

A panting magician gave apologies for disturbing their meeting and ran to the head of Sindria's magicians. "I wish I knew you were here so I didn't search the tower first~" Then he started explaining about some magical proof. Most of his words sounded like gibberish to the rest, but it was clear that he had made some kind of break though.

Yam jumped out of her seat. "How did you finally figure it out?! Who figured it out?!" She whipped her head to her King, "Sorry your majesty," and then looked back to the other magician.

"It was the work of the Prophet!” the magician answered. "We were talking about her illness and she pulled out scrolls that- you just have to read them for yourself!”

Mori had said that she had written other scrolls before she started coping down Fate. This must have been what she was working on.

Both magicians bowed out to go test out this new information. Before they could leave, Sinbad ended the meeting; there was no way he was going to wait to learn what other information Mori had blessed them with. Ja'far followed as did a few of the other Generals.

When they got into the court yard, the doctors that had been sent to take care of Mori were already pushing their supply cart back to their main building. The magician that had stayed behind spotted them and raised two scrolls up triumphantly. "She let me take the scrolls!"

---

News of the scrolls written by a Prophet spread throughout the Black Libra Tower within an hour. Yamuraiha and the doctors explained their significance to King Sinbad.

If even a fraction of the theories in the scrolls proved true it would completely changed their understanding of how illnesses work. If Mori wasn't sick she would undoubtedly be swarmed with questions and demands for proof. According to the magicians, nothing in the scrolls went against any known information. Instead, they gave explanations to why certain things that had been attempted in the past had failed. What she wrote about 'cells' was what really caught the eyes of the white magicians and doctors. As an example, according to Mori's writing there were blood types and most couldn't mix; that would explain why most past attempts at blood transfusions had failed.

The 2nd scroll showed a break down of even smaller particles, and how the structures of different particles made up everything. This was going to bring alchemic magic to a whole new era. Sure, such things would most likely be limited to high magicians, group efforts, and the Magi, but it looked possible now. A lot of common magic of the current day took extreme amounts of magoi in the past because they hadn't found the right formula yet. Mori's writing -if true- could easily be used as a guide to finding the right order of commands for many spells.

And even more than that, Mori had said that she had even more information to share; she had just ran out of scrolls and ink.

Mori's presence in Sindria, and everything that went with it were Fate and the Rukh's guidance. King Sinbad could see it -the future he wanted.

---

~POV Mori~

In Sindria's Palace there is a Great Bell. It is rung during celebrations, and to signify the King returning home like it did earlier that day, but it's main use was to ring every 2 hours to tell everyone the time since clocks weren't invented yet. So even though I was a sick person trying to rest during the day, I was woken up by the Great Bell every 2 hours... which of course is also situated right on top of the guest tower.

For obvious reasons, I was awake again.

I wish I knew how the others responded to the scrolls. I really wanted to know Yam's opinion most. Those scrolls basically gave away the secret to Yunan's signature alchemy magic.

I still had the first scroll I had worked on -the one on the science behind blimps-, and the last science scroll I had started. That one was on DNA, and reproductive systems. It was the last one I started in Balbadd. I hadn't started working on it until sunrise on my 2nd sleepless night and it showed; there were missing words everywhere, many incomplete sentences, and I couldn't stay in topic.

These mistakes were too great to fix with an ink knife. Editing was going be super annoying and time consuming since I couldn't work digitally. I'd have to physically cut up the first draft to put everything in the right order before making the next one.

Wait- Did this world have scissors???

Back home the first evolution of shears that could be labeled as scissors was in Roman barber shops in the last hundred years or so before Rome fell. China would spontaneous also create something akin to scissors not long after. Reim and the Kou Empire seemed to line up with Rome and ancient China for the most part, so I tend to use them to place the time period, but the dress Princess Dunya wears is centuries off and throws all historical accuracy questions out the window. Rome was long gone by the time boning was added to women's undergarments, and that dress had all the signs of boned corsetry.

Fuck it. I'll ask for scissors and if they don't have them I'll just invent them myself. I had been drafting professionally for the past 4 years. That may have been for microelectronics, but it uses all the same skills; I could do this. I needed to get a ruler -or at least a straight edge- and a drafting compass which they probably have based on the look of maps in the series, and pencils, or at least colored inks if they had them. I probably needed to reinvent the French curve(stencil tool used in art & drafting)...

Since I was struggling to fall back asleep I moved to the table and pulled out my test scroll. It was full of random marks and some of my early drawing attempts that I used to practice with the dip pen -it's also where I wrote down the dreams from the Rukh. I'd write the list of things I needed, rip the section out of the scroll, and pass the list to someone who could get me what I was asking for. I added some living necessities too like sleep wear and a comb.

The maids that came to give me dinner, and next dose of medicine were not pleased that I wasn't in bed -I was an important guest who was sick after all. And I wasn't pleased to have to drink more of that bitter medicine, but we can't have nice things all the time, now can we?

My voices was strained but I managed to communicate enough. I gave them my list, and laundry (the clothes I wore on the boat) before they left. They'd get me the things the next day. I was instructed to sleep until someone brings me breakfast the next day... which is what I was going to do anyway since the sun was practically gone. I might be a bit of a workaholic but I'm not going to let myself pull an accidental all-nighter when I know I'm still sick. I'm far more self aware than that.

And besides, the Great Bell didn't ring at night.

---

Maids brought my breakfast (& meds) the next morning and let me know that my clothes would be cleaned and dry by the end of the day. I guess they didn't use magic for everything.

They also gave me all of the drafting and inking supplies I asked for except for scissors. In one of the omakes Sinbad was shown cutting his hair with a knife as a part of his normal grooming. I had hoped he was just old fashioned.

For the greater good and the future of my own hair care, I drafted up detailed designs for a few different types of basic scissors. They wouldn't look fancy, but hopefully I had put enough of a detailed explanation on everything for the smith to figure out what I was asking. Steel wasn't developed until the middle ages and some of the counties of this world matched that so I hoped

that God and anime were on my side. I really wanted scissors that would be a good quality.

And if that didn't work I'd just have to get used to using knives and bladed rollers like a regular person.

The Great Bell rung for 10 am. There were at least another 2 hours before someone would show up, to give lunch, that I could ask to take my draft for the scissors to a black Smith.

I should be resting as a sick person. I should be more exhausted and in pain as a sick person. What was making me recover this quickly?

I still didn't feel like laying back down, so I decided to start drafting up the materials and equipment for proving everything I had written in the scrolls I gave the previous day.

Globally, micro-organisms, viruses, and bacteria were not really accept or proved until the late 1800's. Since Magi seems to take place some time around our 100AD-1300, and Yunan hinting at chemical compounds was seen as shocking by Yam, I knew that my bio scrolls were probably causing an uproar in the Black Libra Tower. I refused to use actual people or wait for an outbreak to prove it like how it happened in history -like how John Snow proved it when finding the cause of cholera outbreaks in 1848 and 1854 England. No, I needed to show how to prove these things in a lab, and to do that I was going to need to explain how to keep samples and invent a way to see microorganisms.

First was for a glass petri dish and other containers for samples. I'd need at least 3 -preferably more. I know glass works have been around since BC, and that this world had glass windows in some scenes, but I worried about the quality of the glass contaminating the experiments. I was going to have to boil them beforehand to sterilize them anyway.

Gosh I wish I had access to nonporous, air tight containers, and a temperature controlled environment. The heat and humidity of Sindria could easily mess everything up.

Wait... I suddenly remembered a scene from the Magnostadt arc when they showed how a sample was being stored. They already had good enough glass. I knew there were magic bio experiments but I had no idea how they worked.

With the realization that I was getting ahead myself, I switched to writing about how to use the scientific method to test for germs. It was basically the bread in a bag test to teach young children about germs but with petri dishes. I also wrote about how to analyze samples with a microscope to see micro organisms so I was going to have to figure that out next.

Lunch came as the perfect break.

Just thinking about reinventing this thing made me nervous. I knew magnifying glasses existed in ancient Rome, but they would be nothing like what I was used to. I had to explain how light moves and made multiple diagrams showing how concave and convex lenses affect light as well as the material of the lens. I ended up also showing how to make a telescope even though I knew Yam already had one.

Magicians were the only ones shown with glasses. Maybe now the rest of the world could have them too.

4 o'clock came and so did 3 doctors and a magician. It was less than yesterday, but still more than necessary to treat or analyze one person. I only recognized one of the doctors from the previous day. All of the new faces looked nervous. None of them looked young by any measure, so I really doubted this was their first time treating someone.

They weren't happy to see me at the table and made me return to my bed -their loss.

The doctor from the previous day was the one doing most of the talking. "Your recovery is amazing. You will most likely be better in another 3 days at this rate if not sooner. It's practically a miracle."

I smiled. "It's pretty shocking for me too." As long as I spoke quietly and kept my comments short, I found I could talk again for a bit.

The doctor was silent for a moment before changing the subject. "I know you need rest, but would you be willing to answer a few questions about those scrolls from yesterday?

The 3 other men looked expectant. This was why they were here.

"I don't mind as long as you don't make me talk too much."

Then came the question I was expecting since I had first made the scrolls. "I know you are a Prophet and the information came from your visions but is there any way you can prove what you wrote?"

I pointed to the table with the scroll I had started earlier. "I can't prove it with the current equipment I have, so I've been drafting up the needed equipment and processes for proving it."

They all turned to look at where I was pointing.

I added, "It's not done, but you're welcome to read what I have so far."

I was thanked as they went to the table they had called me away from when they entered.

'He called it 'visions?' Really?' I had to ask Sinbad later what he was telling his people about me so I could keep the story straight.

The magician confirmed for the others what I wrote about light bending. There was magic to do that, but not everyone is a magician. I had just invented a way for non-magicians to bend light.

Just wait until I show them a prism that can split light into colors. Or teach them how light is perceived in the eye. Or even better, show them the double slit experiment that proves that light is a particle not just a wave... Did they know light was a wave yet?

"Lady Prophet."

I was pulled out of my thoughts.

"You said this isn't finished and there is plenty of space in this scroll for more, but would you let us take this back to the tower so we can get started?"

I wanted to say 'no.' I was still coming up with things to add to it, but I also knew that holding things back because I wanted to save paper was a fool's game. Besides, I could always add more to it later.

I nodded and they thanked me before making me promise not to leave my bed. They were grateful for this new scroll but not at the expense of my health -they were doctors after all.

And then they left.

It was probably about 5pm if my internal clock was on schedule, so I had about an hour before the next ring of the Bell.

Even if I wasn't a man of my word, I would have lost the motivation to work with my current project taken from me while I was still in the middle of making it.

So, I did the thing I grew up doing when I was bedridden from illness: I looked out the window. From the bed I could only see the tops of the buildings on the other side of the courtyard. The Tower that was just poking in from the left had to be the Black Libra Tower.

The waves in Sindria were calmer yet stronger than those in Balbadd. It was probably due to Sinbad's influence. He brought stability and security to his people. I could understand why so many chose to follow him or ally with him. But I knew where all this would lead. As he obtains more power and influence he will stop being able to see himself from the pedestal that he and everyone else put him on; his greed will make him blind to the wants and needs of others, and like a middle aged parent that isn't ready for their child to leave the nest he will take out his frustration on the world that was moving on without him. When Sinbad dies at the end of the manga, Drakon realizes that they all put too much on Sinbad's shoulders.

To change Fate, I was going to have to make sure I never put him on that pedestal nor rely on him for much. And I was going to have to convince the 8 Generals to do the same -or at least to start pulling more of the weight.

The 6 o'clock Bell came faster than I expected, as well as my dinner not long after. They brought my clean laundry, a sleeping gown, and some other common clothes and things for my convenience.

I would have preferred something much shorter for the night gown since I hate having a lot of extra fabric around my legs when I already have blankets. I was not going to risk being walked in on by doctors or whoever when sleeping naked, so I would make do for now.

There was no way King Sinbad wasn't going to reward me for those scrolls. If it was some kind of treasure I'd sell it and buy a new wardrobe for myself that actually suited me, and if the reward was a request then I would ask that he pay for everything directly.

The light coming in my windows changed, and I watched my 2nd sunset in Sindria.

When Sinbad found this island 10 years ago, he completely terraformed it. He didn't get rid of all of the vegetation that was here, but he did break down one of the sides to allow for easier access by boat. The side he carved out faced northish towards all of the other known countries, so no boat would have a reason to circle the island. It was a decision that would benefit the merchants and make it easier to defend.

It also meant that my windows faced west, so I could watch the Sun set every day. I couldn't help but see that as a blessing and a curse. Sure not getting the sunrise meant I'd need to put more effort into

waking up in the morning but that wasn't the part I was worried about.

See- The thing is... I have synesthesia (having 2 or more senses overlapping). I see sounds, letters, and numbers as colors and textures. I have it mild enough that I can normally block it out so it's not too distracting (thank God because music is a main stim), but sometimes I'll hear something and get overwhelmed by how it looks.

Each letter and number is a color. So every voice can make every color, but language, pitch, tone, and accent all affect the colors and textures I see from a person's voice like a filter. There have definitely been some people that I struggled to give my full attention to when I first met them because I was entranced by how their voice looked. The more I hear a person's voice the more I'm able to move its visuals to the background so I can focus -desensitizing myself to it.

Luckily, Sinbad's voice is normally not so distracting that I stop paying attention. Since it's like a merger of every voice actor I've heard play him (All the characters I had met so far were like this.) I'm already desensitized. The similarities across all of the VAs meant that his voice looked like a sunset -full of deep purples and magentas, and bright reds, peach, and gold, and with a smooth and flowing texture like painting in acrylic with a wet brush -like a painting of the last moments of a sunset.

His voice was as pretty as he was.

I hadn't actually gotten to see or hear him for a whole day. But I'd get to look at his voice's equivalent every day while living under his protection.

It was frustrating to admit -I barely knew him as a real person- yet I couldn't deny that I missed him. I feel asleep watching the sun set.

((I wasn't going to write about my synesthesia, but this is my fanfic and I thought it might be fun to reference the colors peoples voices make when the characters talk. I'm not going to paint every VA and head cannon, but I will describe them as I go. Ja'far's Japanese and English VAs have voices that look very different so finding the middle ground is proving tricky.

Also, anyone who noticed that the purple I see in Sinbad's voice is the same as the purple I've been using for the illustrations and comics is super smart and cool.))

[kyeomunism]

Journal of the Bruised || Sirius Black

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

Marauders Era

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: In which Sirius gets fascinated by the spitfire witch after reading her hopes and goals in a research journal.

Warnings: slight wounds, swearing, anxious thoughts, mentions of toxic parents, suggestive flirting, making out, me abusing my prompts I'm supposed to use for twelve different fanfics... (i think that's it, please tell me if I missed something.)

y/h/c=your hair color

y/l/n=your last name

y/n=your name (or just yeen:))

︵‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・༺❀༻・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ︵‿︵‿︵

You carefully step over some gigantic vines as you stroll around the forbidden forest. With a journal on your hand, wand in your pocket, and the bright moonlight over your head, you crouch down to get a closer look at some thorny branches and see a gleaming strand of unicorn hair entangling within it. You carefully save it in your pocket for your potions ingredients collection.

You stand up to get back to the castle without anyone noticing because getting detention would be a blow. You increase your pace, a hoard of centaurs being the least of your woes, considering the distant howls you've been hearing.

Your fear of getting in trouble at Hogwarts is just a result of your parent's high expectations, but you'll risk it for the sake of adding something to your journal. You love going to the woods at night just to pick a rare plant, animal hair, or at lucky nights, beast eggs. The moon is so bright you don't need to pull your wand out to illuminate the path.

Within a heartbeat, a loud thundering howl followed by ground-quaking steps electrify your spine. Instinct tells you to run immediately but the feel of something else's presence just several meters away glues your feet to the ground. You slowly reach for your wand as you turn. There's nothing there, but it feels like you're being watched.

A small rat came running near your direction as you inhale deeply, backing up towards the shadows just in case. A huge stag suddenly appears from where the rat came from, followed by an enthusiastic bear...no wait, you squint hard and could make up a large dog. The howling returns but this time, it's louder and scarier. Shivers overwhelm you as a full size werewolf came out of the shadows. Your free hand fly towards your mouth to stifle your terrified gasp.

You move away but not carefully enough, swearing all of them looked at your direction. The next second, you're running for your life, not daring to look back. All you know is that not only the werewolf is coming your way, but also the stag and the dog, and you don't care why. Nothing else matters as you make efforts not to scream nor show your face. It becomes harder for you through the thorny vines, wincing as the branches sting you.

Nobody can know you've been breaking the rules, not if it means getting many wounds or getting devoured alive. Nobody can know, or else your parents may force you to quit your hobbies and start preparing for work at the ministry. Oh you'd rather be dead than live without your passion.

The fear and panic about your future drives you out of the forest, not realizing until you find yourself catching breaths and applying pressure on wounds. You sit on the ground, listening to the distant howling that nearly became the last thing you heard. You check your pockets, your wand and the unicorn hair is still there.

"Damnit! Where's my journal?" You whisper-shout, bitter expression from your stinging wounds and the years long research now gone. Having the urge to lay there and cry until morning, you have no choice but to sneak back in the castle.

༺∘◦ ❀ ◦∘༻

"Who do you think that bloke was, Prongs?" Sirius asks as they sit beside Remus's hospital wing bed. "Doesn't matter now, does it? Whoever they are, they shouldn't have been idiotic enough to take a walk in the forest during a full moon," James says rather loudly.

"How 'bout you, Moons, who do you bet was it?" Peter pipes up.

"Doesn't matter, I could've killed them, worse, I could've bitten them," Remus says weakly.

Sirius brushes it off with a whole new full-proof plan for the next full moon. Something that Remus doesn't look forward to, but somehow enjoy with his friends' company. The marauders later spends the whole weekday morning in the hospital wing with the food Sirius, James and Peter got from the kitchens. The topics change each moment, until James finds a way to mock Sirius with his failed attempts at flirting with you.

"Just go talk to her!" James says between laughs.

"She doesn't even acknowledge me."

"I don't think so, it was only last quidditch practice when I heard her yell, suck it Black, when you got hit by a bludger." James, Remus and Peter laughs as Sirius's eyes widen.

Before Sirius could retort, "I gotta go prepare for my date with Evans now." James suddenly gets up, hastily messing up his hair and pocketing some sweets as his friends laugh at his ridiculous behavior.

"I'll stay here and finish these," Peter says while munching on some toast.

"I still want to know who's the owner of the journal I found a while ago. You sure you'll be good here, mate?" Sirius asks, to which Remus replies with a nod and goodluck.

༺∘◦ ❀ ◦∘༻

You're trying out spells to hide your puffy eyes from crying throughout dawn, frustratedly healing wounds. You don't want to miss breakfast to avoid suspicion, but it's hard to act normal. You finally look decent enough to your liking, but the potion made from the ingredients in your trunk did not do well on a gash on the back of your right hand, leaving a bruise. You decide to hide it in your Hogwarts robes and eat breakfast quickly.

After breakfast, you find yourself staring at the raven haired boy at the end of the hallway. Not that you expect him to care or notice you, but an inch of hope is still there. His usual unkempt hair that touches his face with such grace is just one of the many things you find attractive about him, but there was something different this time. He was holding a book, a very unusual thing to see since it's weekend.

You gasp as you walk closer in his direction, it's your journal. The thing you poured hardwork on, contains researches, discoveries and a list of dreams that had been ridiculed by your own parents. It was an extension of your soul, and it was being held by the Sirius Black.

He noticed you staring. "What's your deal, y/l/n, did you ran out of ridiculous potions to dye your hair y/h/c?"

You snap back from your thoughts. "Just a near-death experience, Black. And for the record, my hair is naturally y/h/c."

You turn around with a pounding heart. How did he find the journal? Did he read the contents? Was it that embarrassing?

Sirius watched you walk away. What does she mean by near death experience?

He looks at the journal, scans it for the second time since he found it this dawn. It's well-written and perfectly organized. He could swear he had seen the handwriting before, and the initials scribbled at the first page. Sirius decides to follow you to see if his guess is right.

༺∘◦ ❀ ◦∘༻

You sit on a part of the Hogwarts grounds away from other students, having trouble figuring out how did Sirius got your journal.

"You could've just told me this was yours."

You almost got a whiplash with Sirius's voice appearing out of nowhere. You just stared at him, examining his sharp features under the sun.

"What do you want?"

"Do you want this back?" he says, lightly waving the journal in front of you.

With a sigh, you spoke softly, "yeah. Can I have it now?"

"No."

"What?" You ask in disbelief, standing up to look at his silvery eyes.

"No, you have to reach it."

You want to whip out your wand and Accio the journal but Sirius's grin made you reach out as he waves it high above your head.

"What's wrong with your hand?" You freeze and hastily adjust your sleeves to cover it.

"You know what, I'm going back to the castle," you say half-heartedly.

"Who did this to you? I'll hex them."

"A tree branch. I would very much enjoy watching you hex it. You'll look more stupid than you already are."

"As much as I love the idea, let me see your hand first. Sirius's gentle voice almost melted you while reluctantly showing the bruise on the back of your hand. Sirius holds it, muttering an incantation under his breath. The bruise disappears in an instant.

You fill up with sudden gratitude and mixed emotions.

"I owe y—"

"No you don't. I'm doing this because I want to, deal with it. Now, tell me where you hurt yourself. Then I'll let you have your journal back."

"Why do you care anyways? I told you, I got hurt from a tree branch."

"That bruise is a cause of a potion applied on a deep gash lacking the proper incantation. What were you doing in the forbidden forest?"

"Speaking from experiences, are we, Black?" You say, highly amused. "I was just wandering around and dropped it. Are you done?"

"No, I know the easiest kind of lying is when you leave things out of a story. You could've been bitten or got killed. You're lucky Prongs and I saw you first."

You almost choked. "Excuse me? I don't know what you're talking abou—"

"I was there, me and my friends. It's a long story, y/n, so could you start first?" Your cheeks heat up at the sound of Sirius saying your first name.

"I don't think you'll understand, I'm my parent's disappointment, I'm the opposite of what they want me to be. Instead of doing my purpose, I'm out here wasting my time, trying to cope using the dumbest ways possible." You start venting out as you sit on the grass beside him.

"Believe me, I know exactly what that feels like, love." They both mentally freeze as the words slip though his mouth.

"I go through the forest just to write about the things I find there. Something I couldn't get from sitting in the library. That journal contains my hard work."

"I can tell. It's impressive and elaborate."

"Uhm, thanks. Y-you wouldn't tell anyone I was in the forest, would you?" You say hesitantly.

"If I'd tell the professors about your midnight strolls, I might as well be turning the marauders in for expulsion."

"Marauders?"

"It's my turn to explain," Sirius utters with a sigh.

You watch the handsome boy talk about his friends; how they had to transform into Animagi for the sake of keeping their friend's company—which greatly impressed you—and their mischievous whereabouts. You've never heard Sirius speak this gentle.

There so many things you wanted to say, but can't form words. "Sirius..."

His eyes meet yours for the first time you mentioned his name, and it's in a tone that he wouldn't trade for the world.

"...can I visit Remus?" you continue.

He smiles at you—a genuine smile that made your heart leap—and takes you back to the castle without a word. He gives the journal to you on the way.

Your steps are slow and steady, as if the air has never been more comfortable. You finally got to the hospital wing, and see Remus lying in bed, reading a book next to a pile of sweets his friends placed there. He looks at the two of you with a questioning stare.

"Remus, I... I was the person who saw you in the forest. Sirius told me about..."

"I'm sorry."

You felt taken aback with Remus's response.

"No, I should be sorry, I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have been sneaking around late at night."

"That's actually a difficult habit to stop, y/n. Not that I tried," Sirius pipes up, earning chuckles from you and Remus.

You eventually become good friends with the marauders. Remus is glad you become friends because of his condition, and not inspite of it. Sirius would always ask about your day, which earns a lot of teases from James. You would still walk through the forbidden forest sometimes, but Sirius is always there to accompany you.

༺∘◦ ❀ ◦∘༻

Your NEWTs were coming near and Remus studied with you in the Gryffindor common room. It was late at night and completely silent, except for your small discussions about some topics. Several minutes pass and you find yourself talking about your feelings for Sirius, to which Remus never fail to respond with the best advices.

"Sometimes I wonder if Sirius feels the same..."

"You don't have to wonder," Remus says.

"Why?"

"Because he's right behind you." You almost jump as you hear him speak. "Mind to take a break from studying, y/n?"

You look at Remus, who shrugged with a smile. You get up and take a walk with Sirius. It was a comfortable silence, casually avoiding spots where you know people can see you and get you in detention. Your mind was going places thinking about a possible future with him. You didn't even realize you're in the astronomy tower if it wasn't for the sudden hug if cold air. You watch his eyes sparkle under the stars, standing at the huge overview of the tower.

"You wanna know how I feel about you?" You gulp at the way he broke the silence. You don't think you'll ever be ready to know. Your eyes finally met and it sent your bones to flames.

"I love you, y/n. And I've never felt more sure about anything in the world, fuck that, you are my world." The sincerity in his tone melted your brain, you couldn't string up a word.

"I can't believe we're finally here." Your throat starts to tighten with the struggle of words. "I was so scared to lose you, but I was also scared to say anything."

"Does that mean...?"

"Face first to the point and you still missed it. Of course I love you too, you idiot!"

You laugh as you jump into his arms, he gladly hugs you tight. The warmth and comfort that you felt contrasting to the cold night air felt so right.

"Hogsmeade, this weekend?" He whispers to your ear which sends shivers through your spine.

"Yes, but I don't wanna end up in detention after that."

"That's also a good idea for a first date."

You let go of the hug to look at his face.

"There's a fine line between liking you and wanting to hex you to oblivion."

"And I cross it everytime."

"Oh yes you do."

"You love it though."

"Hmm...yes I do."

With one meaningful look in his face, you press your lips against his. It's soft and gentle, firm and promising. His hand cups your face, thumb caressing your cheek. You wrap your arms around his warm body, feeling his heartbeat under his perfectly chiseled chest. After what seems like a beautiful forever, you pull away. The second you back up, a whistle and cheering made you jump.

"Prongs, Wormtail, what the hell are you doing here?" Sirius called the crackheads by the door.

"We saw you in the map, thought we've come to see the show," James says smugly.

"Want a treacle tart, y/n?" Peter says while holding half a dozen of them.

"No thanks I—"

"Hey, I thought you snuck out to the kitchens to get those for me?" You hear the distant voice of Remus, who clearly made an effort to leave his studies just to get his friends away from trouble.

"Nah Moons, 'tis the best part right here, I wanna know if Sirius messed this up," James continues with such a bright tone.

"Oh sod off, mate!" Sirius laughs as Remus take the two grown children away.

"Where were we?" You coo.

His lips brush yours passionately, like a fiery tease. You barely had a second to react and you already granted his tongue in the seam of your lips. He delved in your mouth, making you breathless. Your arms travels up to tangle around his neck to his luscious black hair. He pulls you even closer and you inhale sharply as his lips form into a smirk. He began peppering your neck with delicate kisses. You can't get enough of it, you let out pleasured tones that feels like godly music to him.

"Please, Siri... I need you."

"Absolutely, love. I will be gentle and make sure you can still walk after."

"I have seen your exes walk, no you won't," you reply. He chuckles between kisses that turned you on even more. The rest of the night will forever be one of the best things you've ever experienced.

༺∘◦ ❀ ◦∘༻

After graduating, you and Sirius joined the Order, fighting with and for each other.

One day, you and Sirius comes home from an Order mission, you have a slight bruise on your hand after falling over once in a duel with a Deatheater.

"What's wrong with your hand?" Sirius asks. Your lips forms a smile at the sudden flashback of his words.

"It's not holding yours," you reply. He lets out a bark of laughter as he checks your hand. His laugh is the nicest thing to watch and listen to.

"Wanna know what's wrong with your hands?" you ask him.

"Hmm?"

"They're not around my neck." Before you even finish the sentence you both are already laughing loudly.

He did fix what's wrong with his hand later that day, which you absolutely love.

You continue writing all your researches on your journal as you participate in the war. It all paid off because of Sirius, despite your parents' disapproval. You're with him and that's all that matters.

You eventually publish several informative books, with Sirius always by your side to support you. You both are proud of the fact that your books became the foundation research for Damocles Belby in creating the wolfsbane potion.