#anyway i think im done bitching for at least 20 minutes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

solardick · 6 months ago

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Right on script. America arms alleged neo-nazi extremists to fight russia. Again, none of their business. Saying fuck you Russia. Like a bunch of femmes. Russia runs nuclear tactic drills. Love how they’re playing me to this script. You can feel the ltgbcq vibe in it. Lol. An unevolved dark moon vibe.

Anyway. On to another card wence i get to it. Somfar the chariot, to the field, to the saint-Geirge card tun beautifully together. The tower belongs in position two. A is still the blind fool, Bv i’m not sure still maybe the high priestess. Maybe not. It’ll take a ling time.

A novel clean slate with supportive motives and room to play even though the entire known world is running everything in their power to detain such an endeavour. Preffering to keep to their satanic antics of slavery to the perverse megalomaniacal motives of superiority.

The russian basically and single handedly ended war world 2 after the world sat back and watch them lose over 20 million civilians. And now these bs news plots saying that their arming the brigade founded by neo-nazies…. Ok. Whatever. Maybe if any of this is true. They’ll slowly and persistently keep crossing all the lines they boid not to cross until the rest of the eastern world says ok. Your done. Feels awefully personal. Though missing the “annexation”. While being beaten and manipulated into states of dellirience and belligerence, though it all being olanned a long time before hand. While your own family pushed every button and treated like a pathetic low life woman. Delighting in emasculation. Of course they would it runs in the family. Generationally soeaking there has always been a family outcast treated like shit. They need it. An dit’ll probbaly be bred again in the next generation. Plus sonce theh all have hars squares on me and pluto opositions on me. Cant say any of it is my fault. I tried. They dodnt want anynof it.

Soeakign of the last several years of them playing with me. And setting me up with relations with woman beating me down while in most of the cases i dis nothing wrong. Did the right honest thing in good conscious and got punished for it regardless. Trying to make it feel like it was my fault. Cherry the exception but, i wasnt in a right mind either. So and she played her role well enough to manipulate outcomes. If it was wven her at all. While they set up and framed me into position to rape my spyche. And drug me up and beat me down when ever i started coming to again.

Wonder if my sex drive is ever coming back along with any motivation to di anything. Like pick up after myself and exersice. Not that i know whya sex is like anymore. Im pretty much the equilavent of a virgin again. And the interpersonal retardation doesnt help. But 40 years of being neglected, beaten in and owned. Doesnt leave much room for development does it. The only tiem that feelign goes away is when i take a shit and it only lasts a fee minutes. I prefee the physical violence, druggings and neglect over the psychological violence and sexual abuse. Of be like my mother, neglect and over control and the beatings, and the the phone calls after i get removed, saying i love you. Suck my balls. Inpay good money for coggarrets least you acn do is sell clean packs. Or good money on a language learning game app, and then incade it with your sickness and abuse me on that too. Calling me stupid and a woman.

Да, ты глупый. My granmar is probably wrong. But whatever. That fucken language is impossible.

youtube

So what was said? Fuck you america right back. We got nukes. We’re a hunch of bullies too. Bring it bitch. We got more nukes than you. Bigger nukes than you. But, we font eant to use them unnecesarilty unlike you have done in the past. If your arming our enemies. Why shouldnn’t we think the same. But your enemies are far worse than we’re willing on aiding without caution. We’re just mirroring back yournown bs.

Previously paraphrased “ keep your butt loving bs out of our country.”

Тhough still have to make a deck thats still attractive to westerners. Replacing the lion with a bear on the love card. Soubds promising but, i dont know.

But if i do make card Bv into as the high priestess card. It becomes merged with the star card. And as the proestess card works is that of memory and mind. It gives you the blueprints. And fitted puzzle pieces together. And my image made already fits nicely as Bv. And as a start of a journey. But, will have to go over the fictionary and see if it fits.

See, russia couls easily arm nations already hostile to the americas and they could invade and fire upon them andvrussia will still be in the right. And able to bs back. Protected by the world laws.

But, besides takign a sympathetic view what whatnis taught to be a hostile sovereign nation is the language learning. Alot of these beginner words decontaminate alot of the curse and disdainful garbage words that have been taught by proximity and experience. Words that sounds so much like shit for example when forst heard by the russian dialect mean something else. Have significance, not negative, but ordinary everyday sounds that aren’t perversed by the negative degenerate bs of the mother tongue. Thise words lose strength in that connection and its liberating

On this account according tonthe history books. In the time frame of the tarot. The 14-15th centuries. Roughly. Maybe off. Russia went on and chnaged slightly the theological beleifs and went on saying that they are the new Jerusalem. God’s chosen people. This of course stared some nifty controversy and havoc not only inside the boarders but by many outside as well. The dialogue putin is going on about is nothing new. This dates back hundreds of years. The other connecting symbol here is the errection of a certain statue outside the walls of the kremlin. A warrior monk holding a cross and a sword. Its not by ignorance that what is being said is being said.

если какой-нибудь иностранец, как я. Comes across a history book, then a man competent enough to serve has the nations spokesperson, would know even better than i do. What reaction would result. And as for a hostile nation, this war “against ukraine” is the first time russia has deployed any military action to any significant measure since WW2. Not counting on the cold wars. And so far it seems just child play. Precision strikes aimed at the least amount of casualties while crippling infrastructure. Maybe even select people. But what doni know. Thisnis “america” the land of bs, perversion and glamour. The largest producers of fiction and make beleive on the planet. No? Who was the lasted voted president? Trump. Named after a card game? Aa telvision actor? Didn’t terminator try and run for it too? Funny. I know. That fact thatbits easier to say fiction than non-fiction… well….f

Fiction is most of my life experience. Should put it to use somehow. Tv was my parenting. My only guidance. My only source of communication. Maybe why im so perfectly in sync with whatever.

Think i found a source of thr discomfort and pain. Its my tailbbone digging into the flesh. A change in posture leading into the onset. Medsage and pushing the area away and slreping with a pollow undet my butt sermed to aoded a bit. So three different problems all in the same area symultaneousy. Probably because of the mock reality overlayering my own. That eases of the depression some.

Learning pronounciation and language by memorizing short stories.

#Youtube

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tsukasageorge · 2 years ago

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8 10 12 14 16 18 artist ask

nico is carrying my entire inbox

1. what is your favorite color to work with?

pink and purple my beloved. red is cool too

2. who is your favorite character to draw?

(shoves mound of alluka drawings under the table) i do not have a favorite ahaha maybe aubrey because she has long hair 😊😊😊😊😊😊

3. what song(s) do you listen to when you do art?

a lot

4. how often do you draw?

at least every few days. it's pretty rare for me to go more than a week without drawing nowadays but i used to draw much less regularly and improved so much slower

5. digital or traditional?

digital! traditional is nice in small doses. i think im done with normal pencils i prefer either painting or like. charcoal as i recently discovered

6. tag your favorite artists/inspirations!

UH. UH. YOU DO I TAG YOUR ART BLOG OR MAIN. @shitbox-drawn my friend who's not on tumblr but she was my first art mutal ever i love her her names kyoki um. ngl i dont know anyone's name. tiucotheus (i dont wanna tag them i feel like id bother them) & yuumei art. hyperpop type art has been a pretty big inspiration for me recently i love colors

7. do you prefer sketching, outlining, or coloring?

sketching <3 lineart is to me what coloring is to normal people. it's relaxing sometimes but i need 1 million stabilzer. you already know how i feel about coloring

8. show us at least 2-3 drawings from 1-2 years ago.

this is the iconic sibling moment i was talking about. its roughly a year old now, and looks pretty stiff, but it was like. kinda insanely good for my skill at the time. pretty big point in my art history

here's one from 2021, its one of the oldest drawings i have on my computer. gilda was supposed to be there but i couldnt draw her so i gave up

9. what drawing program do you use? (if the artist does digital art)

clip studio paint my beloved

10. are you right or left handed?

right

11. warm or cool colors?

why are we pitting two bad bitches against each other..... personally i like ourple

12. draw one of your favorite characters in 15 seconds.

unlluka

14. what was something that you used to draw a lot that you don’t draw as much anymore?

um. bows i guess? butterfly wings, i really liked drawing those for a bit (i drew like 2 ever)

15. when was the last time you did art?

1 minutes ago if u count unlluka. i did draw earlier today though

16. what kind of tablet do you use? v v

the wacom one its like. flat. no screen

17. (alternative for traditional art ) ^ ^ do you work with pencils or pens more often?

pencils my beloved

18. how long have you been drawing/ when did you officially “declare” yourself as an artist?

i considered myself an artist when i actually drew something and didn't just shade a picture. i've been drawing for probably like... 4 years now??? that's insane i swear it was 3 yesterday

19. do you like drawing short hair or longer hair more?

LONG HAIR ESPECIALLY THE KIND THAT IS SLIGHTLY WAVY

20. how often do you get art block?

not in my art block era but if i dont have an idea then yeah

21. draw one of your original characters.

not gonna lie i actually dont really like my ocs but anyways this one is nyx they're chaotic silly. remember that royal who randomly disappeared 3 years ago yeah thats them they were hanging out w some dragons this whol time

22. do you use a mac or pc to do (digital) art?

23. draw your fav as a vampire

i will do this as not an ask bc i want to put actual effort into it

24. how many followers do you have? (on your art blog)

like 23 iirc but lets say 24 so it matches with the question number

25. where in your house do you usually do art?

exclusively on my bed but i drew nyx on nicos bed

26. draw urself! (it doesn’t have to be detailed)

same as 23 ive been meaning to make a meet the artist for a while

#asks <3 #long post

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shiraoyagi · 2 years ago

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everyday i realize more and more how similar c!sapnap is to c!happyduo and it scares me, esp with how strained their relationship is.

like imagine being extremely jealous of ur best friend's son over him making a birthday present for him. and then that best friend and his son have tried killing eachother multiple times.

not to derail the post into c!happyfamily dynamics but i think c!bad genuinely wants c!sapnap on his side still. like he's tried inviting him to the badlands before and failed, but the way he's acted towards c!sapnap as of recent reads very much as "awkward morally fucked up dad wants to reconcile with morally fucked up son"

meanwhile c!skeppy just seems to look down on c!sapnap in general and doesnt claim responsibility for his actions. everytime c!skeppy has mentioned c!sapnap it's been in a negative way that insinuates that c!skeppy is a better person than him (he is NOT and the fact that c!bad doesn't stop c!skeppy from doing this is. questionable ..... actually hes never even disagreed now that i think about it wtf)

like during the first bd island stream, while c!happyduo was arguing, a dono told c!skeppy that now they understood why c!sapnap had anger issues; because c!happyduo raised him. c!skeppy then denies this, and says that c!sapnap is just "weird" which... yeah no bitch ur lying you literally hate children.

and yeah cc!bad has pointed out that c!skeppy being involved in c!sapnaps childhood is something he doesnt know... but honestly. im thinking it probably will be given that cc!skeppy has liked c!happyfamily fanart meaning he at least approves of the concept? also it just makes more sense with any potential backstory c!happyduo has, they literally could be centuries of years old so it would be a little weird for c!skeppy to be out of c!bads life for ~20 years only to come back on the dreamsmp

and i just realized i was supposed to talk about their similarities.

mainly it comes down to their worldviews and ideologies? c!sapnap is very fucking weird and believes he is a good person that has never done anything wrong. im serious he literally told c!michael and c!eryn that he has never done anything wrong on the server, which is a fucking lie and signifies that he doesn't grasp how bad his actions were. (this was in dreams jailbreak stream btw hahah)

he also has scarily black and white thinking, he literally accuses c!michael of being a fucked up person (a descriptor he used to describe C!DREAM only a minute or so prior) just because they had differing opinions (and when c!michael actually had valid points, even if he wasnt fully informed of all contexts of the situation).

he hasnt stopped killing pets at all and doesnt even care about it, he basically forced mexican dream to get high to get his trauma out of him for information, etc. etc.

c!sapnap in general is pretty much an asshole to the people he doesnt care about.

but even then he is an asshole to the people he cares about at times. he lied to c!george about c!dream, he's betrayed c!dream before he was abusive, he's tried killing one of c!punz pets and when c!punz got mad he hypocritically told him that it was "just a horse" when he's the same guy who started a war over a miscommunication about a panda, he betrayed c!bads trust which is where their current relationship strain comes from anyways, etc. etc.

with the only exceptions being his fiances . ig they ground him in a way because he literally hasnt lashed out at them or intentionally hurt them in any way which is interesting

c!happyduo are very similar.

c!happyduo seems to think that they're in the right, no matter what. neither of them seem to feel guilt for their actions (sure c!bbh apologizes but all of his actions afterwards contradict his apologies which signifies a lack of remorse), they're very vindictive and will come up with unreasonable plans to take vengeance against someone (haha nothing like c!skeppy getting disturbingly excited over c!bads plan to basically exile arc c!foolish)

but with eachother it's... complicated. theyve definitely hurt eachother and manipulated eachother but that was because of the stress induced by the egg arc and its trauma on them. the thing is, as of rn, c!bad is very much afraid to hurt c!skeppy and is scared that he will leave him, while c!skeppy is afraid that c!bad will lie to him and betray him.

ironically they have the same fear more or less

but before that they never hurt eachother. like how c!sap just hasnt... hurt his fiances (intentionally) . its interesting

i am so sorry for this post ong this isnt formatted right wtf wtfqtwtrw

#c!skeppy #c!badboyhalo #c!sapnap #c!happyfamily #dreamsmp #dsmp #nobody asked for this but here you go?!?!??!#this is barely comprehensible #tw manipulation mention #skeppy #badboyhalo #sapnap #i forgot how to tag posts everyone

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pies-writes-and-more · 4 years ago

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karasuno boys as things my bf (and past dudes) have done irl

characters: Azumane Asahi, Nishinoya Yū, Sawamura Daichi, Kageyama Tobio, Tanaka Ryūnosuke, Hinata Shōyō, Sugawara Kōshi, Ennoshita Chikara, Tsukishima Kei, & Yamaguchi Tadashi, all with a Fem!Reader

warnings: these were real events. not exaggerated. real things that happened to me lol they’re all mostly fluffy or just funny so no bad vibes here haha

a/n: i got this idea out of nowhere tonight and ive been feeling bad vibes so here’s me trying to make myself happy lol. very self indulgent im sorry haha but i hope you guys find it entertaining! also i’m sorry for not including Kinoshita or Narita - I really dont know much about them!!

haikyuu masterlist

Asahi writes a goddamn essay about you for his english class. He wasn’t quite sure why he did but the prof asked him to write about how he used writing or poetry in his every day life and he thought about all the little notes he would write to you

Noya will happily order food with you at any time. Especially when you’re hangry or just whining about how hungry you are. Did you say you wanted food and it’s 11PM? Well that convenience store is open so I guess we’re ordering. They don’t do orders? Okay well we’re walking now.

Daichi gets matching jean jackets with you. You got it first and found it in the mens section of a store but you loved it so much, you asked Daichi if he wanted one too. The look in your eyes was just too much so of course he had to say yes. Now Mom and Dad of the Karasuno Volleyball Team walks around in their jean jackets with all their kiddos in their team jackets.

Kageyama fell asleep while waiting for you to come home. You knew this was going to happen so you had begged him to give you the key to his apartment but nO the boy just insisted that he could totally stay up. He literally was texting you 5 minutes before you got there. And by the time you got to his door, he was passed the fuck out. You panicked for a solid 20 minutes outside of his door, calling him over and over again in hopes that it would wake him up, before he woke up and awkwardly answered the door. You were really upset about it but Kageyama tried to make it up to you for the rest of the week until you finally forgave him lol

Tanaka thinks you’re the prettiest person in the world. But you literally cannot ask him to take pictures of you because he takes horrible pictures. You’ve been trying to teach him about angles and how it’s not always about how many times you press the picture button. That he actually has to think before he takes the photo, not just take as many as he can.

Hinata wants to slow dance with you so badly but you are so incredibly awkward because slow dances seem like the perfect time for you to fall on your feet. But there’s a slow song playing and Hinata begs you to come dance with him and there’s just a moment where it actually was pretty nice. And then you remembered how nervous you were and thankfully the song ended but he liked it anyways and begs you to dance with him more often.

Sugawara cooks for you nonstop because you are a college student now and incapable of cooking for yourself. He tries all sorts of new recipes for you and you love him for always trying to make you food. He’s even brought you some in a tupperware when you were on campus studying and forgot to bring food. He had to go away for a bit once and wasn’t able to make you food so he bought you a rice cooker so at least you could make yourself something other than ramen and frozen pizzas.

Ennoshita is the only person in the world who can pick good makeup colours for you. You once tried to pick out a nice lipgloss colour for yourself and absolutely hated the look of it. But he always gets it right. And then makes fun of you a little for not being able to do it yourself lol

You’ve bullied Tsukishima into doing a skincare routine. Before you met him, he was using body wash as a means to clean his face. Then you smacked that attitude out of him because no way was your partner going to look like a wrinkled grape by the time he was 40. No way. This man needs moisturizer. Now he uses cleanser, toner, an eye cream, and moisturizer and when you tell your friends about it and they’re all so shocked by it, and praise him endlessly, he just stands there with his nose in the air like I’m better than you to all the other boyfriends. He enjoys when you tell your friends and their boyfriends that Tsukishima does something and the girl goes “See? How come you can’t be like him?” to their own boyfriend. Smug bitch lol

Yamaguchi came over in the middle of the night once because you found a spider and everyone else in the house was asleep. He had literally been sleeping but you called him because this spider was HUGE and you needed it to die immediately. Yamaguchi doesn’t really like spiders but honestly, you were so scared, he knew he had to help. Man dragged himself out of bed to come save you from this spider, gave you a kiss goodnight, and then walked himself back home and passed the fuck out

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to join!)

@al0ehas @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @tobi-momo @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @livy384 @babyshoyo @jesssobs @b-bakana @just4readingfics

#haikyuu x reader #hihqnetwork #tsukishima x reader #daichi x reader #kageyama x reader #asahi x reader #noya x reader #hinata x reader #yamaguchi x reader #ennoshita x reader #sugawara x reader #tanaka x reader

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sweetie-sire · 2 years ago

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Ayo i wrote some hizzie garbage 🗑 im both sleep deprived and tired of life so whatevr have at it wolves.

Its not good so lol but this tag is dead af so idk

Also dodie is sad af

~i can finally see ~

"I dont understand how you always manage to choose her side josie" im enraged beyond what i thought i could ever possibly be and my naive idiot little sister doesnt manage to get it through her thick little skull. Mikaelson is gone.

"No lizzie YOU dont understand, shes just lost she needs us now more than ever! How can you not see that?!" Shes been at this for the past 20 minutes and quite frankly its getting old.

"Jo, all i see is our dearest dad finally finding out the prodigal daughter is just an evil coniving bitch" i see josie flinch at the dry humor but i no longer care.

~youre as fucked up as me~

Josie gets up and walks out of the room, before she exits she turns to me "I get that youre hurt lizzie but you need to remember why hope even resorted to this in the first place. She gave up her life and landons life just to make sure everyone else would be ok." I can see that bringing up landon hurts my sister there are tears in her eyes and im so tired of everyone bringing up deceased bird boy, since he will probably just find a way to come back anyway.

"Yeah well maybe we can go ask dad if we should forgive hope then!" I yell but shes already left and my snark is useless and i feel so frustrated i could tear my hair out.

~so how do we win?~

Josie has once again taken upon herself to go chasing after our long lost tribrid trying to find a way to help her or whatever. I know just the way to help hope.

Cleo sowande is my very own personal hero right now.

~brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth~

Im driving from dead end to dead end and all i can manage to think about is hopes stupid evil "im a Mikaelson fear me" face and scoff

The balls on this bitch.

I pull up on a trail i picked up and the feeling of this dive bar is more unsettling than the last. I walk in and instantly feel the need to relieve my stomach of its contents.

Theres body parts and blood everywhere. Some guys head chopped off by a pool table. Brutal i dont even know how nobody has been in here to clean up the mess. Oh a concealment spell nice to know she cares about some things i guess. She could have at least lit the place on fire.

~im sick of losing soulmates so where do we begin?~

"Why would i burn my own room down Lizzie"

"With my family history im not exactly immune to those issues. I would never say that stuff about you"

I scoff remembering that and for some reason the back of my throat feels tight.

Josie may be right she might need help, but i cant find it in me to see the same girl thats understanding and i have grown to begrudgingly tolerate to be the one leaving a trail of bodies up and down the coast.

She mauled my dad whats stopping her from doing the same to the rest of us.

And i might have grown to love her too but josie is too soft to do what needs to be done.

Someone has to stop her.

~time and hearts will wear us thin so which path will you take~

I dont know what the fuck possessed me to say that idiocy. Impending death? Minute insanity? I can see the little gears in her tiny evil head turning

Theres a spark of someone i used to know flicker through her eyes.

And i see it the moment the hurt flashes in her mind what she went through to get to this point. I see her intent

The resolve. To end me. What did i expect?

Some sick twisted voice in my head tells me to keep going and see if i can reach her.

I slowly try to approach her and my voice is cracking i dont even know what im saying anymore

I see it in her eyes whatever hope was left is gone

Ironic

Before she has a chance to snap and as soon as i feel her hands wrap around my neck i rush forward

I close my eyes and say fuck it.

God i must really be crazy.

Her lips are unmoving but still soft i must have caught her by surprise because im still alive so i press on and i can feel her reciprocrate for a second and theres relief in my heart that maybe this will all turn out ok. Due to an unconsensual kiss of all fucking things.

Its something i never really considered doing while i was on my way here but minute insanity must have won over my fried brain.

I sigh as i feel soft hands tighten around my neck and it all goes black

Thats going to be one awkward as fuck conversation when she realizes im not actually dead.

Whatever serves her right.

*insert dodie lyric cuz im cant be bothered to do it*

+ lizzie wakes up and is super cool about it while hope is a crying mess on the floor cuz she killed this bombshell and sassy lizzie is everything.

#hizzie #lizzie saltzman #hope mikaelson be like #legacies #rant #creative crying #i really hate posting fics on here cuz my gf follows me and thats fucking embarrassing but i need this fandom to stay alive.#i dont care if i have to do it myself one shitty fic at a time #fuck julie plec

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imonthinice · 3 years ago

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The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy.

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’ competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

--------------------------------

Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

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daaziscoolbesties · 4 years ago

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[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42, "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to. foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe? the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor" from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

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misskittysmagicportal · 4 years ago

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All You’ve Got Is Gold Part 1

FandomAU!: Billy Delaney/Cormac McNamara x Female OC

Warnings: Slight NSFW, mostly steamy fluff. Guys this ended up being long as fuck. And it’s really only chapter one. Or Part 1.

Jeanie leaned over the bar at Ewan's to pour herself another whiskey, ignoring the bartender as he chastised her. "C'mon lass, don't the wee ones file in to the grounds tomorrow?"

"Wee?" she gulped around her swallow. "Ewan, they're pubescent. You know me though, I like to have a bit of a glow every new semester. That way the parents think I'm truly invested in the well-being of the brats." Jean waved her glass around in the air. "Ok, not brats. Most of them are well-behaved and genuinely interested in learning. Not like the little bastards in America. I'd have 40 to a classroom back there. Saint Fergus barely has 40 students in the entire school."

Ewan took it as a sign and gave her a generous pour one more time, "Heard you cannae keep any professors for the pay. But your husband-"

"EX. As of last spring," Jean corrected.

"EX-husband found some new blood in a few of his University students."

"Aye," Jeanie imitated the Scottish brogue with perfection. "They're all in the corner over there with Dr Purves now."

She had half a decade to assimilate to the culture of the small, boring town just outside of Aberdeen where she followed Gordon and married him without any family or a job. He became head of the Physics and STEM department at the University of Aberdeen, working on projects and female students alike. Jeanie, having abandoned her Master's in Education, was really only qualified to student-teach at a local boarding school. Before long, lack of interest and the economy drove the numbers down to four or five dozen and a position of Headmistress open. At least it was a place to live and an existence that kept her mind off everything else.

"I would say don't look now, because here comes one of his students, but my darling who can keep their eyes off him." Ewan pointed behind his friend with damn near literal hearts in his eyes.

Jeanie glanced over her shoulder as a young man, early 20s? She couldn't tell. But he approached her at the bar. Her first glance became a double, and nearly a stare. Embarrassed, she whipped her head around quickly and blushed in Ewan's general direction. "Sweet Virgin Mary," she exhaled under her breath.

"I normally go by Delaney, but I suppose in certain company Mary will do," a soft Irish lilt.

Jean slow blinked as the bartender broke into a cheshire grin. She took a deep breath and turned towards the man now beside her and held out her hand. Blood pulsing in her ears because.. he was stunning. "Brave of a Celt to set foot in the land of Picts. Even braver for him to be in the presence of the biggest asshole in all of Scotland."

"Well from what I've heard she's more of an Ice Queen than an asshole," he squinted before smiling brightly. Green eyes sparkling in the low light of the bar. "Your.. partner put me up to it anyways. You know, say the bit about the ice. Sorry," he blushed but still held on to her hand firmly. "I've heard you're rather pleasant from the others. Just aloof as it were"

"EX!" Ewan and Jean exclaimed together, and the young man blinked responsively. "No sorries. Cold-hearted bitch is what some of the 6th years call me when I confiscate their illegals. Headmistress Jean Turner, but the two friends I have call me Jeanie. Drink?"

"Just one? I'll take 5. I have to catch up with the others." He hooked a thumb at the group of obnoxious men groping the female students who hung off of them as if they were celebrities. Taking what he was offered, chugging it quickly and shuddering. "Billy. Delaney it is. Well occasionally."

Jeanie and Ewan watched as he basically pounded every shot placed in front of them. Squinting off and on, as if he was trying to adjust to the ambiance. "Is it hot? It's hot in here. God I hate people. Those people. I will never fit in with the misogynists and knobs who prefer rugby and football to actually learning about the world." He pulled at the collar of his sweater before taking it off and draping it over Jeanie's chair. He wore a striped tee shirt underneath "Sorry. Sorry. I've got my nose in tech and books and maths algorithms most days. I forget how to socialize, so I really just want to blend in with the norms."

"You.. are.. fit." Ewan sputtered.

Billy snapped back to attention, his mind having drifted off to the same group Jeanie's eyes kept staring at. "What?"

"He's saying you are fucking fit, mate" Jeanie gaped.

"My body? I'm not really certain about that. I'm rather spindly wouldn't you say?” he shrugged while his cheeks flushed profusely. "My arms? Is it my arms? I swim. Clears my head from all the clutter." He was rambling now.

Jeanie and Ewan started laughing. "Relax! we're taking the piss, love. Your every move is being scrutinized. Now why abouts did Dr Purves send you over here? Surely he has fucking with me on his mind. Not unusual, humiliation has always been the name of the game."

Billy made a gesture that resembled adjusting non-existent glasses. He immediately dropped his hand and pulled a tenner out of his pocket. "To melt the ice, Gordon said. He gave me ten quid to hit on you."

"One of his students. What a lovely parting gift. I guess you're worth the loss of the house and the car," Jeanie stood back slightly to properly size him up.

Billy bit the entirety of his bottom lip, furrowing his brows, "I reckon you're worth more than a tenner to sleep with."

Jeanie blinked a few times, head tilted to the side to make sure she heard correctly. "SEX?!" she laughed, unable to help herself. "I don't exactly know what all of this," she waved her hand down his body, "would be doing even in the vicinity of sleeping with this," pointing to her own.

Confusion came over his face, "Am I supposed to be.. Is there something wrong with you that I don't notice? I, I can be kind of oblivious to loads. I think, really, Gordon goaded me into coming over here for my benefit as much as his amusement. I don't have too much experience, but you seem quite lovely you know. Your hair is," brows furrowed again but in thought, "Nicely red in this lighting. Reminds me of my friend from Ireland. Hannah."

Jeanie pinched the bridge of her nose as Ewan audibly guffawed from beside her. "Saints preserve us," the Scotsman said between gasps for air. "Donnae if you are taking the piss now, bloke, or are you really this bad at pulling birds."

Billy grimaced, the entirety of his face beet red. "Honestly, I never make it this far. I guess they usually pull me and I let them?" He started to fan his face, "seriously,,how fucking hot do you keep this pub?" His forehead bent forward to rest on the metal and wood counter of the bar.

Ewan covered his mouth and ruffled the curly head in front of him. "What a wee babby, Dr Purves sent into the lion's den. You just drank half a bottle of my best whiskey and mortified yourself in front of my favorite woman in this whole country. Maybe you ought to drink some water and have a sit for a few. We'll give you something to take to the bell-end in the back."

Jeanie and Ewan's eyes met, and she bit back a smile before leaning over to wrap an arm around her husband's latest protege. "Oh Ewan, I don't think it should be only a story. Why not give the evil genius a bit of a show. Right now he can see Mr Delaney is headed towards a spectacular crash. Im embarrassed. Mr Delaney's embarrassed. You're without very expensive whiskey. Gordon will never let anyone live this down for the semester."

She put her mouth near Billy's ear, "Ten quid is worth SOMETHING. Don't you think? Just look at me." He obliged quicker than she expected. Emerald eyes gazed upwards at her while the heart banged wildly in her chest. "What comes next?"

"I reckon I ought to put my arm on your waist. Right?" his voice now low in her ear and a hand slipped around her hips to draw her as close as possible.

No further guidance was needed as the liquid courage kicked in. Billy stood up and took Jeanie's face in his large hands before he drew her into a rather passionate kiss. Hers instinctively buried in his hair, their tongues dancing as the thought he hustled her entered the back of her mind. How was it that just a few minutes ago he looked ready to vomit at the thought of trying to come on to anyone, not just her. Now he was kissing her like they were Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts. Jeanie’s back slightly arched as Billy dominated her personal space with his height, a hand dangerously on the curve of her backside.

Ewan held his own face, eyebrows lost in his bangs as he watched the two of them go at it for well, he lost time. Glancing up he noticed just about everyone else in the pub was watching too. Gordon positively green with envy and turning purple with anger. Ewan saw him lean to a colleague and mouth, "That wasn't the fucking deal."

"Job done you two," he cleared his throat and practically shouted to break them up.

Jeanie's mouth was cold as it kissed the air. Billy had stumbled backwards a bit, mouth turned down ever slightly in a whoops motion. He walked, swayed really and floated by every single patron, including the group of men he came in with earlier. Fingers pulled at his bottom lip before he passed a devilish grin over his shoulder in Gordon's direction.

Jeanie and Ewan gobsmacked, but pleasantly amused, looked at one another. Mischief in their eyes as Jeanie noticed Billy's sweater draped over the bar. "Mr Balderston, I think I have a grad student to visit this week. It seems Mr Delaney might need his sweater because the Scottish nights get awfully cold."

Orientation came and went, and the students seemed to settle in quicker than normal. Quite possibly because this was the lowest attendance in the school’s 150 year history. They had been in danger of shut down, but Jeanie was informed that first Monday by the Board of Directors that an anonymous group of donors had decided, against their wishes, to purchase the school. Even if no students came back the following school year, or they were down to only 15 or 10 or 5, Saint Fergus would remain open for unknown reasons.

To say she was relieved was an understatement for Jeanie. Much needed repairs were being made, and someone had come to put together a state of the art security system. Which really confused the faculty and dwindling staff. Who would steal anything from this junk heap? Even their books were falling apart. Except they weren’t.

By the end of the first week, the girls in their dormitories and in the hallways were abuzz with brand new Literature and Maths books. They were suddenly interested in Oscar Wilde and Pythagoras. Jeanie watched as three 4th years sat in the windowsill and audibly cracked open their copies of “The Happy Prince,” stars in their eyes.

“Have you ever seen anyone as good looking as Dr McNamara? Honestly, I don’t know how I’ll pay attention to anything else but that voice,” she held her book against her chest.

“Oh c’mon Siobhan. It’s all about the eyes. I don’t think I’ve seen anything like them. Proper green. If he sticks around, I’ll tell Daddy to talk to all of his barrister friends. Get them to enroll their kids here next year.”

The third girl was clearly in a daydream out the window, “All I heard today was blah blah blah ‘important in oratory history of Ireland’ blah blah. Lemme tell you, he can give me an oral exam any day.”

Jeanie cleared her throat and the students jumped nearly a mile high. “It would do you girls a kindness not to sexually harass our newest teacher at Saint Fergus.” The smallest hint of a smile on her lips. “Honestly, how is it that I'm headmistress here and have no bloody clue who this mysterious Dr McNamara is?”

“Well rumor has it, Miss, that he bought the school. Dr Purves hired him for a project at the uni, and he asked to be right in the thick of the school.” Siobhan shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh he’s installing the security system and having a new science laboratory built,” the daydreaming girl chimed in.

“I thought it was a grad student that was teaching here this semester? Have any of you heard the name Billy Delaney? I’ve been looking for him the last week or so, but I can't find him in Aberdeen housing. I’d like to return his sweater.” Jeanie’s face flushed pink, and the girls all cast a knowing grin in her direction.

“Has Miss got a crush herself?” Siobhan teased. “There’s no student teachers this year, but did you say Billy Delaney?”

“Yes. Does that name sound familiar to you too?”

The girls stood and handed Jeanie paperback books one by one. A stack of them, young adult novels that had grown incredibly popular the last few years. A stone wall with a glowing green and gold light graced the cover. “A Green Pool of Light: Emerald City to Oz Book 1” blazed across the top in that standard stereotyped font that represented all things Irish. The daydreaming girl, Aila Jeanie would come to find out, opened her copy and ran a finger down the page. “Yeah, he’s like a gender bent Hermione in these books.”

Jeanie frowned and flipped through the pages. The girls all started to laugh, not mean-hearted but in the way kids do at adults when they become lost in the world of anyone under 20. “That’s Dr McNamara, Miss Turner, and he’s living in the Boys Dorms.”

Jeanie blinked a few times, too many times in disbelief. The girls dissolved into hysterics and headed off to their next set of classes. Things maybe just got a bit easier but harder at the same time.

--------------------------------------

Jeanie stared incredulously at herself in the mirror. When exactly was the last time she showed up to any man’s room wearing only a coat and her underwear? Or well, a sweater in this case. She waited until the school was dark and quiet, she couldn’t risk one of the students seeing her dressed this way. On her way to do a dance of seduction. No, that’s humiliating. This was all humiliating.

What in the hell am I even doing? She thought. But it was too late, her legs carried her into the halls and across the floors and up into the West Wing where the boys slept. Tip-toeing quick and stealthy to the only source of light on this side of the school.

Jeanie took a deep breath and knocked on the open door. His back was to her, sitting with one foot up on the chair, a knee drawn up to his chest in the most awkward of positions. His dark head was bent over an abundance of little digital boxes spread across a desk that he tinkered with under a magnifying glass. Several computers and laptops spread around the room running codes attached to various projects simultaneously. Lost in his work, he ignored her.

Sighing heavily, Jeanie knocked louder this time. She raised one hand up the door frame, leaning in the most tempting pose she could muster at 11pm on a Thursday. His head popped up, and he only glanced over his shoulder in her direction before going back to his work.

“Well took ye long enough to find me, Miss Turner. Wanna see what I’ve put together for the school?” he queried without paying any attention to her attire.

Jeanie felt the bile rise in her throat. How in the hell was she ever going to feel better about herself when this man wouldn’t even acknowledge her? Was it too late to just slip back down in the shadows and melt away like she never existed? Still she took a breath and made her way to the desk and stopped directly behind him. She bent forward over his shoulder, her hair brushed against his face and neck. There was a nearly inaudible hitch in his breathing as she picked up one of the boxes. Did she make him nervous? Good, she thought and chewed her lip to prevent a smirk sneaking through.

“Well Mr Delaney. Or is it McNamara?” She studied the box carefully and poked at it with her nail.

“Doctor” he interjected huskily. He was nervous. “I’ve got a PhD,” he corrected.

“Are you even old enough for a doctorate?!” she retorted.

“I’m 24, thank you very much. I suppose that’s quite young to have several PhDs, but I don’t really keep track. If it makes you feel better, I'm also a chef. Cooking is just science after all,” he said almost dismissively. “Oh, That is L.I.S.A. you’re holding. Large-scale Interface Security Application.”

Jeanie snorted; she couldn't help it. “Do you mean an alarm system?”

“No it’s a specified security application that only I know how to program and,” he caught himself. “Yes. It’s an alarm system.” He rolled his eyes and gently took the machine back from her and placed it amongst the others.

“If you're working with Gordon on some kind of secret project, why are you teaching Literature?” Jeanie launched into everything without really meaning to. “You know Dr Delaney or whoever the hell you are, several of the girls brought to my attention that there’s a character in those young adult novels written by Hannah O'Flaherty. “A Pool of Green Light?” They are quite popular with our 1st-4th years. You're Billy Delaney aren't you? That’s why you gave that name in the pub the other night instead of your real name. That being Cormac McNamara, am I correct?” She placed her hands on hips hidden in the mass of wool and cable knit.

"Delaney is part of my last name. Hyphenated.” once again correcting the headmistress.

"Don't see much of that in men"

"Well it and my brain are about all my parents left me,” he moved to face his chair towards Jeanie and abandon his project.

"Well I bet they're proud of you, Cormac. Or Billy. Whatever.” she waved her hand dismissively. “You lot discovered.. what's it called?"

"Dimensional Dark Matter Transport with the possibility of Inter and Temporal"

"I mean, Portals. Or to put it in tv nerd terms: Beam me up Scotty"

"Precisely!” Cormac exclaimed and stood up excitedly. “And your ex-boyfriend-"

"Husband"

“Yes, husband. Well couldn't have been good at it if he's your ex.” He bit a finger absently, staring off towards the ceiling. Then snapped back to attention quickly, “Well he wants to find a way to make it.. Portable. Not just in plotted locations around the globe. And my business partners, em Hannah and Brett if you will, would like it privatized. Dr Purves, he wants the highest bidder."

"Military?” Jeanie blanched at the thought. Then her voice drifted off, “So the books ARE real.. You three are real. Hannah hid the stories in plain sight for the entire world to discover" And for the first time, she noticed a framed photo on the vast desk. A trio of happy young people: red-headed girl, pretty with large blue eyes. A floppy haired, tan surfer type. And a tall, lanky boy with oval glasses and severely parted hair starting to curl. Jeanie took the frame and traced her fingertip along the glass. “Sarah, Zack and Billy. This is like finding out Harry, Ron and Hermione are living, breathing people. And here you are, in my school.”

"I could show you if you want but.. Miss Turner, why are you only in a sweater?" Cormac stepped back and lifted his glasses and put them back down. He took them off hurriedly as if he was embarrassed to be wearing them. Turning once more to face her "Is.. Is that MY sweater? You're only in. Jeanie, Where are your pants?"

"Well I planned on seducing you Mr.."

"Doctor" -

Jeanie sighed as if she had been defeated, "DOCTOR Delaney-McNamara"

"Well Ive mucked that up I suppose,” a deep crimson set across his ears.

" I mean you can have your sweater back,” Jeanie arched an eyebrow seductively. Pulling the sweater over her head to reveal only a pair of her nicest black panties and bra underneath. Nothing else.

"Thank you it's quite my favorite-" Cormac’s eyes widened when he noticed the headmistress in front of him wearing nothing but lingerie. He squinted briefly while scratching his head. “Oh.. Jeanie. That’s..” his voice drifted off lost in shock.

Ignoring the embarrassment growing in her chest, Jeanie crossed her arms over her chest. “Why in the hell did you take your glasses off?”

“Oh, em.. Hannah always tells me I’m far more attractive without them.” he shrugged.

“Just like how Clark Kent is only slightly, by a molecule,” Jeanie pinched her fingers together, “less sexy than Superman with his glasses"

"But his glasses are fake,” Cormac ignored the obvious joke. “Right now I can just see shapes. Lovely, curved shapes! but only shapes." waving a hand in her general direction again.

Jeanie sat down on his bed without the sweater, to protect her now she just decided to go with her original plan. She crossed her long legs and leaned back with one hand back on the mattress. "Ok give us a look with the glasses on, Delaney.. Mcnamara?" This was frustrating.

"No, I reckon I'll have the kids call me Cormac" his hands on thin hips as he glanced upwards in thought

"Yes, erase that line of authority between yourself and 11-15 year olds. Don't underestimate them, Billy. Or Cormac. Or whatever. You are probably the smartest professor Saint Fergus has ever had, but you’re handsome. My girls will eat you alive"

"I wouldn't go that far!" he was exasperated for some reason.

"You have five PhDs and can’t even legally rent a car in America yet," Jeanie pointed out.

Cormac waved her off dismissively. “No! Not the smart or genius part. That is true,” he agreed without pretension. “It’s the handsome part,” he rolled his eyes in frustration.

“Look McNamara, I can’t tell if you’re being humble or an asshole. Your constant squinting and inflamed cheeks are ruining my perception.”

"Inflamed.." he touched his face "It's rather distracting. You in your. I may realize now that's your intent. I'm not really NEW to this, uh women coming on to me. It's just not always quite so forward?"

"Had I known you were a doctor of Quantum Mechanics, my approach would be a little less intense. 10 quid or not, you were the one kissing me last night." Jeanie got up off the bed "Ill go, but can I take your sweater with me? The students don't need to see this"

"Oh, em do ya have to? You're already here, and I'm sure quite lovely to look at."

"Cormac put your glasses on"

"Really?" he was adorably confused "I would have to take them off if we-"

"Have sex?"

"I didn't mean to imply- I've never really-" he nervously put his glasses back on. Then started fiddling with his hands and chewing on one.

"No fucking way!” Jeanie sat up quickly “But you're-"

"Oh please don't say hot."

"Well-travelled?"

"I am not completely virginal, I'll have ye know! I've done tings. SEXY tings. I've put my mouth and fingers in places on a woman. I'm just picky about where I’d put my penis."

Jeanie’s amused now, she can’t help it. An eyebrow raised and a laugh ready to escape because he's pacing around and gesticulating wildly now. "Are.. are you getting more Irish?"

"MAYBE I AM!" he shouted louder than he meant to, then unexpectedly pulled his shirt over his head.

Jeanie laughed at the absurdity now. "Cormac. Or Billy, whatever you are more comfortable with." She kneeled on the bed coming to the edge of it. "We don't have to do this. I'm not asking you to justify your virginity; that your business. It’s a patriarchal construct anyways to make us feel like we have to engage in sexual activity. Then when we do, we’re trash. It’s a no-win situation for anyone. I LIKE you. We have all school year to get to know one another better."

“I think Dr Delaney-McNamara, but Cormac works just fine for you” his tone all at once softer and deeper.

There was a weird electricity in the air, which very well could have been the obscene amount of tech equipment in the small dorm room. It could have also been that the atmosphere switched so fast from mortification to that moment your body knows something is going to happen. Jeanie’s head began to swim when she realized the young man in front of her was unbuttoning his jeans to step out of them.

“Bloody hell...” was all she could utter before he wrapped her up in his arms.

Jeanie’s hand on Cormac’s hip and the other tangled in his hair as they found themselves in another kiss. Mouths dancing together. She sat back and pulled him down so that he was laying completely on top of her now. His skin was hot almost like a sunburn. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Jeanie thought maybe a literal electricity had settled in him from using the portals so often all these years. Their tongues pushed back and forth, she realized his body began to feel similar to one of those static glass balls. The kind you press your hand against and every single hair on your body raises? It was strange and exhilarating and comical all at once.

The thought was fleeting though because Cormac’s lips made its way down Jeanie’s neck. The breath caught in her throat as he bit softly before trailing to her chest. His large hand gripped the flesh of her hip, snaking it around to grab at her backside before settling it between her thighs. The other struggled to unhook her bra while in their current position, his annoyance eliciting a giggle.

Managing to roll them so that she was on top now, Jeanie deftly reached behind herself to finish the job. Her breasts free, Cormac took one in his mouth. His tongue was warm against her skin as he began to suck and lick at a nipple and the flesh around it. Alternating between each hungrily, hand still lost in between her thighs. A finger began to trace the fabric of her panties.

Audible gasp now, as Jeanie fumbled to reciprocate any way she could. Kissing his forehead? or rocking her hips against his hand, she began to float outside of her body. What was she doing? Trying to feel wanted after all of this time? Maybe give the other adults something to gossip about over the weekend. Attractive new professor, the benefactor of Saint Fergus, fucking the boss his first week in. Jeanie was his boss, but also his subordinate? Because Cormac, with Brett and Hannah, owned her livelihood now.

“What a fine mess we’re in, Delaney,” she managed amongst the new spate of kisses.

Ignoring Jeanie’s frank statement, Cormac took to nibbling her throat again. Exchanging now for harder bites, just enough to let her know he had the upper hand. Fingers deftly pumping rhythmically with the pulsating of her body. He found that part of her with ease. The button Gordon never could without neon arrows.

“I walked through an alien portal at sixteen and made one of the greatest scientific discoveries none of us can talk about,” That Irish lilt heavy in her ear. “A fine mess has been the last decade of my life, Ms. Turner.”

There was almost a reckless abandon as Jeanie unexpectedly came. She cried out; it echoed off the dorm walls briefly before Cormac clamped a hand over her mouth. Their eyes both wide before they lost themselves in a fit of giggles.

Lying beside each other now on the bed, Jeanie felt self-conscious while Cormac absently twirled a finger in her mass of red hair. She felt his green eyes staring as she traced the infinity symbol with the tip of a nail on his chest. Their breathing patterns quickly marched in time together.

“Not sure why I have a gut feeling your timidity was a fucking game,” Jeanie spoke without a hint of anger. More like curiosity.

“Only just a little. I am far more capable of handling people in small doses. There's a certain anxiety hanging around the average university student. I finished undergrad in a year and graduate school in another. Never really fit in with most people my age. I thrived in a boarding college like this one. Never more than 15 children a class. Miss Murphy let me do as I please because I kept mostly to myself, even when she and the others were strangely codependent on my brain.”

Cormac’s eyes still trained on Jeanie while he spoke. “I didn't mind. I DON'T mind. My tinkering and projects work bloody fantastic now!” he exclaimed with pride. Those long fingers combed through Jeanie's hair. His gaze became nostalgic, “I transferred my AI tech into the lab at Aberdeen. There's my personal version. She's asleep right now,” he chuckled, gesturing towards the wall of monitors.

Jeanie grimaced, “She?!”

“Oh yes! SILVIA! I suppose she'll become LISA’s big sister.”

“You invented a primitive android.” her response was incredulous.

“No no. SILVIA was a lie detector I installed artificial intelligence in to play ch-..” Cormac caught himself. For the hundredth time that evening, “I suppose. Yes,” he tapped a finger against the soft dimple in his cheek.

“You suppose!” Jeanie reeled with laughter once more.

Cormac’s face flushed pink, “You know what I did to you was just basic anatomy that’s easily taught by reading a damn book. I reckon you'd be interested in what else reading has taught me about a woman's body.”

And so it began.

#robert sheehan #billy delaney #me and mrs jones #fluff #steamy?#cormac mcnamara #robert sheehan character fic

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advena87 · 5 years ago

Text

Aiden & Lambert’s love story because we deserve more than one and we didn't get any (at least not in canon). Long Post!

check out also Kaer Morhen Shenanigans

Here is: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 and Daily Lambert

also Keira & Lambert’s love story and… this.

I love playing with incorrect quotes. The ones below are already used a few times in Kaer Morhen shenanigans, but I modified and changed them, and added a lot of new ones.

So the idea is that young witchers from the griffin and cat schools come to Kaer Morhen - including Coen and Aiden. The purpose of the visit is for aspiring witchers to learn something from each other, and in fact it’s just an excuse to play with the idea of Lambert x Aiden. Of course, Lambert’s witcher brothers will try to help him with his crush, and they will not miss the opportunity to make fun of him.

The setting is like this because the idea that Geralt, Eskel and Berengar will be Lambert's wingmen is simply priceless. I know that this configuration had no right to happen in the canon, but the canon has hurt us more than once. That's why we always have to fix everything. And that's why Berengar appears in my posts. In my opinion he deserved it and you can't change my mind. And I think he and Lambert have so much in common that it's really a shame they never met in games. I think that they would have a beautiful dynamics of the oldest and youngest brother.

Anyway I hope you enjoy it! :)

Aiden: Hi, I am-

Lambert, shaking his hand: Handsome.

Aiden: -Aiden. And you are?

Lambert: Apparently not as straight as I thought I was.

***

Lambert: Can I ask a dumb question?

Berengar: Better than anyone I know.

Lambert: Is it gay to think about your best mate in the shower?

Berengar: …

Geralt: …

Eskel: …

Lambert: Asking for a friend.

Berengar: …

Geralt: …

Eskel: …

Lambert: But now seriously: I’m not gay if I wanna date Aiden as like bros, right?

Geralt: I’m no expert but that does sound kinda gay.

Berengar: I’m an expert. That’s gay.

***

Lambert: I swing both ways.

Lambert: Violently. With a sword.

Lambert: Also, I’m bisexual.

Lambert: … promise you won’t tell anyone?

Berengar: Your secret is safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

*later*

Eskel: The printer messed up the invitations. It was supposed to say “Lambert’ birthday”.

Geralt: What does it say instead?

Eskel: “Lambert’ bi”

Berengar: Well that could still work.

Geralt: Wait, what? No, Lambert is straight.

Berengar: Trust me, he isn’t. The only straight thing he is gonna do is that he is gonna go straight to hell.

Eskel: Wait, Berengar, isn’t this thing between Lambert and Aiden supposed to be a secret?

Berengar: Hardly. The only people who don’t know Lambert loves Aiden are Lambert and Aiden. And Geralt for some reason.

***

Eskel: You and Aiden seem very close.

Lambert: We're just friends.

Berengar: Oh please, we all know you're a heartbeat away from getting his name tattooed on your ass.

***

Lambert: You look nice, I want to kiss you.

Aiden: WHAT

Lambert: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU

Berengar, behind Lambert's back, mouthing to Aiden: LIES

***

*Aiden and Coen talking and laughing*

Lambert: *staring at them silently*

Eskel: You’re really quiet today, Lambert.

Lambert: Nobody plans a murder out loud.

***

Lambert: Why does this griffin dude keep talking to you?

Aiden: Lambert, we are friends.

Lambert: I know you two are friends but…

Aiden, deadpan: No, Lambert, I meant you and I are friends.

Lambert: Yeah, we’re friends, but I’d fuck you if you asked.

Aiden: What?

Lambert: What?

Berengar, eating popcorn: He said he’d fuck you if you asked.

***

Lambert: Fuck, Aiden, you look like hell!

Aiden: Yeah? I just got back.

Lambert: Dude, who hurt you?

Aiden: Do you want a list or something?

Lambert:

Lambert: *grabs sword* Actually, yes.

Aiden: No, wait, we can’t solve all our problems with murder.

Lambert: How about just this problem?

***

Lambert: I think I might have a crush on Aiden…

Berengar: Congratulations, you’re officially the last one to know.

Geralt: Aiden would never date a jerk like you.

Lambert: Fuck you, shouldn’t I be one of your best friends?

Gerelt: Yeah, which is how I know you’re a jerk.

Eskel: So what are you going to do?

Lambert: I don’t know, something dramatic I hope.

Berengar: Oh for fuck’s sake, just ask Aiden out! What’s the worst that could happen?

Lambert: Humiliation, embarrassment, fire, explosions, collisions, tears, nudity and death.

***

Aiden: Can you ride?

Lambert: *looks at Aiden up and down* Yes.

Aiden: I meant the horse, Lambert.

***

Lambert: How do I politely ask him to slam me against a wall and make out with me?

Geralt: Lambert, it’s four in the morning, if you want to make out with Aiden just do it quietly, I don’t care how you ask him!

*next day*

Aiden: *hands Lambert a water bottle*

Lambert: *drinking it* Thanks, what’s it for?

Aiden: Geralt says you get thirsty around me.

Lambert: *chokes on water*

***

Lambert, smirking: So when are you gonna go out with me?

Aiden, smiling back: I don’t know, when are you gonna ask me out?

Lambert, freaking out: uhhh....

*later that day*

Berengar: So you ran away like a fucking coward?

Lambert: I DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO FLIRT BACK!!

***

Eskel: Why are you ignoring Aiden?

Lambert: I’m playing hard to get.

Geralt: Why would you do that? You’re already hard to want.

***

Eskel: I shouldn’t be interfering in this but give him a chance. Lambert would throw himself in front of a speeding horse for you.

Aiden: Lambert would throw himself in front of a speeding horse for fun.

Eskel: Ok, point taken, but don’t worry, he grows on you.

Aiden: Oh, really?

Eskel:

Eskel: No, actually, he just gets worse.

***

Aiden: I’m having problems with Lambert.

Geralt: Problems like ‘his dead body won’t fit in your cupboard’ or problems like ‘you like him’?

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Problems like ‘I like him’.

Geralt: Too bad, I could have helped with the other one.

***

Aiden: I have 4 friends.

Eskel: But there are 5 of us. Me, Geralt, Berengar, Lambert and Coen.

Aiden: Lambert is my special idiot.

Aiden: That’s different.

***

Aiden: Lambert, look me in the eyes and be straight with me.

Lambert: So… Do I look at you? Or do I be straight? I can’t do both.

***

Lambert: I’m in love with you.

Aiden: That’s… a terrible idea.

Lambert: Yeah, I have a lot of those.

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Well then, let's try.

Lambert: Wait, does that mean you like me? For my personality?

Aiden: I know, I was surprised too.

***

Lambert and Aiden: *walk into the room together with happiness written on their faces*

Berengar: So who finally confessed?

Lambert: It was me, I made sure it was short and sweet.

Aiden: You yelled, “Listen here, you little shit, I have feelings for you and it’s about time you acknowledged them!” from the castle tower.

Lambert: It worked though.

Aiden: All in all, this may come as a surprise to you, but Lambert and I are dating now.

Geralt: Damn. Now I owe Eskel 20 crowns. You guys couldn’t have waited another week?

Lambert: Wait, what?

Eskel: You two just earned me 20 crowns is what, so thank you.

***

Aiden: When you're gay in your house with nobody else, you're homolone.

Lambert: When you're bi and there's nobody else around, you're biyourself.

Berengar: You're two morons.

***

Coen: So, you've already made friends with Eskel, Geralt and Berengar?

Aiden: Yeah.

Coen: Great, just a little advice - stay away from Lambert.

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Lambert is my boyfriend.

Coen: Oh...

Coen: Um...

Coen: So, what's he like?

Aiden: Have you ever met a human version of a headache?

***

Coen, pointing at Lambert: Is this guy bothering you?

Aiden: Yeah, but he’s my boyfriend, I signed up for this

***

Aiden: You’re annoying.

Lambert: But you love me >:3

Aiden: Doesn’t make you any less annoying.

***

Lambert: *spills water on his shirt* Oh, what have I done? Now my shirt is all see-through.

Geralt: *rolls his eyes* And so are you. I know what you’re doing.

AIden: So do I, but I am enjoying the show immensely.

***

Lambert: Did it hurt?

Aiden, rolling his eyes: When I fell from heaven?

Lambert: No.

Lambert: When you fell for me.

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Actually, yes. It’s hurts every day.

Berengar, from distance: BUUURN!

***

Coen: It’s so exhausting having a boyfriend! You’re lucky you don’t have one.

AIden: Actually, last time I checked I did have a boyfriend.

Coen: No, you have a Lambert. That’s not the same thing.

Aiden: What do you mean?

Coen: Well, he’s more like a puppy. Excitable, loud, always happy to see you, protective, and he bites anyone who threatens you.

Aiden: …

Aiden: Point taken.

***

Aiden: YOU’RE SO ANNOYING! I CANT BELIEVE IM DATING YOU!

Lambert: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOURE THE ONE WHO CHEATED!

Aiden: Because YOU cheated FIRST!

Lambert: YOU STUPID-

Eskel: I think we’re done playing gwent for tonight….

Geralt: Wait, no. I’m enjoying this.

Aiden: Don't you call me stupid!

Lambert: Okay, then how about 'bitch'?!

Aiden: Arrogant dick!

Lambert: Spoiled asshole!

Aiden: Fuck you!

Lambert: Fuck YOU!

Aiden: FUCK YOU!!!

Lambert: FUCK!!! YOU!!!

Aiden: ...

Aiden: My room, ten minutes.

Geralt: Okey... not what I expected.

Eskel: And we're done here.

***

Lambert: I have an idea, but I’m going to need your permission.

Aiden: Sudenly you need my permission? Why?

Lambert: Cause if I mess it up, I don’t want it to be just my fault.

Aiden: That sounds like a really risky and gay plan.

Lambert: So? You in?

Aiden: I thought it was an obvious answer.

***

Aiden: I want to hear those three little words.

Lamber: I love you.

Aiden: Try again.

Lambert: Fine.

Lambert: I will behave.

Aiden: :)

***

Aiden: Close your eyes and hold out your hand.

Lambert: I played this game once with my brothers and got slimed by a toad.

Aiden: It’s not a toad.

***

Lambert: I didn’t raise you to be like this.

Aiden: You’re my boyfriend. You didn’t raise me at all.

Lambert: And yet you still call me daddy.

Aiden: Oh for the love of-

***

Eskel: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Geralt: Weak. I sleep with a sword under mine.

Lambert: You’re both pathetic.

Berengar: What killer weapon do you sleep with then, Mr. Badass?

Lambert, proud and confident: Aiden.

***

Aiden: The food's too hot, I can't eat it.

Lambert: You're too hot and I still eat you.

Berengar: It's family moments like these that we will never forget.

Geralt: With a good therapist, hopefully I will.

Eskel: I'm not hungry anymore.

Vesemir: One dinner. ONE NORMAL DINNER!!

***

Lambert: *phone starts ringing*

Eskel: *looks at who is calling*

Eskle, laughs: So you call Vesemir 'daddy'?

Lambert: *answers call and makes direct eye contact with Eskel*

Lambert: Hey, Aiden.

Eskel: *chokes on drink*

***

Geralt: Okay Lambert, truth or dare?

Lambert: Truth.

Geralt, smirking: Why did you get kicked out of the brothel?

Lambert, looking absolutely horrified: Oh no…

Aiden, whipping his head around so fast Eskel almost shits himself: You fucking what?!

Lambert: Look, you can’t be mad at me! I was just there, minding my own business-

Aiden: We both know that’s a load of crap, Lambert, you’re lying!

Lambert: Does this look like the face of a liar?

Aiden: You really don’t want to hear my thoughts on your face right now.

Lambert: Ok, you know what? Fuck you!

Aiden: Later. Now listen here, you little shit-

Geralt, laughing: Living my best life.

Eskel: Oh my God, Geralt, what did you do, they’re going to kill each other.

Geralt: This isn’t about them.

Aiden, siting on Lambert and beating crap out from him: Really Lambert, I expected better from you!

Lambert, rolling them and pinning Aiden to the ground: Then that’s your own fault! I’m not responsible for your expectations!

Aiden: Bite me!

Lambert: Where?

Aiden: ...

Lambert: So you going to take a swing? Or you just going to staring into my eyes?

Aiden: Hmm, what was that? I was busy staring into your eyes...

Labert: Oh you beautiful bastard! Just punch me already!

*Berengar enters room*

Berengar: What the fuck is going on here? Are they fighting or making out?

Eskel: At this point, I honestly can't tell.

*later*

Lambert: Eskel, how do I get revenge on Geralt?

Eskel: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest.

Lambert: …

Lambert: Berengar, how do I -

Berengar: Brick.

***

Aiden: How do you usually get out of these messes?

Lambert: I don’t, I just make an even bigger one that cancels the first one out.

Aiden: That sounds like a terrible plan.

Lambert: Oh, I’ve had worse.

***

Aiden: I’m fucking an idiot.

Eskel: Isn’t that grammatically wrong? Shouldn’t it be “I’m a fucking idiot”?

Aiden: No, I’m fucking an idiot.

Eskel: ???

Aiden, sighing: Ok, watch out.

Aiden: Yo, Lambert, are you high?

Lambert: What?

Aiden: High!

Lambert: Hello!

Aiden to Eskel, pointing to Lambert: That’s the idiot.

***

*witchers face complications during the contract. Lambert is abducted for the ransom*

Lambert, offended: You think I’m only worth 10.000 crowns?!

Kidnappers: What?

Lambert: Give me that *takes the megaphone*

Lambert: Make it 1 billion and we can think about it.

Aiden, from outside: LAMBERT SHUT THE FUCK UP!

***

Lambert: Okay, okay, what if I microwave a spoon? Steal some bees? Oh, oh, let's try to fuse corn and apples!

Aiden: What the fuck?

Aiden: Lambert, I asked you how we should spend our anniversary, I clearly do not remember requesting for ways to disappoint your family.

Lambert: Sorry, force of habit.

***

Lambert, drunk at 1AM: *in pajamas and blasting ABBA in his room* Gimmie gimmie gimmie my man after midnight! Won’t somebody help me-

Geralt in the other room: Aiden is dead. Get over it and go to bed! There’s your help.

Lambert: [drunken sobs]

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