da-simi

[da-simi]

Ra's: he can't keep doing this talia-

Talia,holding jason: he's just a baby!

Ra's: he can't just go around murdering entire gangs of- my contacts!

Talia: HE'S JUST A BABY!

[da-simi]

Dick: The real reason Howl kept his castle moving was tax evasion.

Jason: This sounds like a joke but I read the book. This is the literal reason.

[da-simi]

Happy Homestuck Day, here's my favorite story about spotting a Homestuck in the wild.

So my actual job-job is scientific illustration specializing in Botanical Illusation, (or it was until 2018 when I got run over by a Karen while taking out the trash but that's a different story) and sometimes I go to Gallery showings, and there was one gallery exhibition hosted my my school that taught me Botanical Illustration.

It's a nice event and a typical gallery event- box wine, little cubes of cheese, exchanging of business cards etc. I'm going around the gallery, going Ooh-Ah at everyone's technique and compositional choices, until I get to one peice that's a phylogenetic tree of ancient water plants, with tweleve branches... colored in the hemospectrum.

Now, most scientific illustrators are 60+ because a lot of people get into it after they retire. It's not uncommon for me to be the only person under 50 at these events, unless Maryanne, the other Millenial in the Botanical Illustration program is there. So this little Artistic Homage is going entirely unoticed until I walk up.

Sure enough, it's by Maryanne.

And sure enough, Maryanne chooses that moment to walk up and say Hi, and I swivel around like a goddamn owl to face her, point at her cladistics tree and make the 8D face.

She immediately blanches.

Unfortunately, the head of our program sees, and sensing chicanery, demands "WHAT IS HAPPENING." Prof. Mervi is an extremely direct Finnish woman and I love her so much.

So I have a hot second to explain this.

"Maryanne's color choices are a reference to a Popular Novel, and it's really brilliant because the colors represent a hierarchy in the story, and she's arranged them so the hierarchy is reflected in the order of the Clades, with the highest-ranking color corresponding to the oldest clades. The highest-ranked members of the color are also the oldest members of the fictional society. It's a nice little cultural homage for us Young People."

Maryanne is relieved.

"Oh!" Mervi is pleased. "What is this book called?"

Maryanne is No Longer Relieved.

"It's an online comic book." I say.

"Yes, but what is the title?"

Maryanne is attempting to develop lazerbeam eyes so she can melt my brains before I intrduce our beloved professor to the weirdest thing 2015 had to offer.

"It's called Homestuck." You don't lie to Mervi. She can sense lies the way a shark senses blood in the water.

"That is a very strange title."

"It's a very strange webcomic."

This appeased Mervi and she went off to schmooze elsewhere.

"She's going to look it up." Maryanne says, terrifed.

"I garuntee she's seen weirder stuff than Homestuck."

The event ends, I go home and manage to forget this entirely, until my next class three months later. Mervi has come into class and is looking at everyone's works in progress, which is perfectly normal, until she gets to the table Maryanne and I are sitting at and she opens her briefcase, takes out a manilla folder like it's full of Classified information, and opens it up to reveal a printout of a screenshot of one of the most recent pages.

"This man is an exceptionally accomplished digital artist." Said Mervi. "The quality of his work has improved immensely in a very short period of time."

"Yeah Hussie is pretty great!" yelps Maryanne.

"You know him?" Mervi asks. "Do you think he'd be interested in being a guest lecturer?"

"I mean like, not personally?" Said Maryanne. "But he's uh. He's a pretty busy guy."

"You should send him an email anyway!" I say. "The worst he can say is No."

"Do you think people would be interested in seeing him lecture?" mervi asked.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure if Andrew Hussie gave a lecture here it'd be pretty popular." I said. Maryanne is slowly imploding beside me.

"Hm. I will send him an Email." Said Mervi.

Unfortunately, Mr. Hussie never replied, but Maryanne and I are still friends.

***

(If you found this story funny, I can't work as an illustrator due to aforementioned Hit-And-Run, so if you wanted to leave me a Ko-Fi or subscribe to my Patreon for more funny stories, I'd be extremely grateful)

[da-simi]

Big fan of Dipper "if I ever see you again outside of my nightmares, there is no force in the universe that will stop me from putting you in the ground" Pines

[da-simi]

the two types of billford content

[da-simi]

If I was J'onn, I'd check out during League meetings to daydream and doodle and periodically check into Batman's head where he's keeping a running transcript of major decisions along with annotations like "tell Clark to stop doing that thing with hair, extremely distracting", "God Barry, say what you want or stop opening your mouth repeatedly", and "For fuck's sake Hal do not get Oliver started on fourth wave feminism", followed by more transcriptions and a mental to do list that's so off puttingly impossible but also includes tasks like: "buy new crockpot to apologize to Alfred. Pride goeth before the food poisoning."

[da-simi]

Jason has a life-sized cutout of Bruce Wayne in his apartment, and he argues with it a hell of a lot. When Dick dropped by one day and saw it, Jason convinced him of how cathartic it was. Dick brushed him off, telling him to find healthier coping mechanisms, only to go out and get one of his own.

[da-simi]

in honor of his birthday i would like to ask if you, as a master of a pangy fic writing, have any pangy jason fics to recommend

❗️ you’ve given me a quest! i do indeed have pangy jason fic recs, and here are some of them:

pre-death:

Not All Kidnappings are Bad by @cdelphiki

a “bruce finds jason early” au, featuring 9 y/o jason’s understandable trust issues, bruce’s terminal awkwardness, and slow-burn family. the identity reveal here is also one of my favorite moments.

we’re released pushing daisies by shoutowo

jason starts acting strange out of the blue, and bruce is fraying at the seams trying to figure out why. i love how the pov is so deftly navigated here; the reader knows almost exactly what’s going on, even if bruce never does, and we still get a little catharsis.

these words you can’t say by glaciya

a short, excellent, gut-punch of a fic in which jason is figuring out his place in the family, and dick takes out some of his bruce issues on jason (but does his best to fix it later).

A MOMENT THAT'S HELD IN YOUR ARMS. by orpheusaki

possibly my fav early days jason pang fic of all time; jason and bruce are stumbling toward learning to communicate, and bruce runs headfirst into one of jason’s (understandable) misconceptions.

Safe Space by Cerusee

the summary puts it perfectly: “Turns out, Bruce and Jason aren’t quite on the same page about who’s parenting whom.” feat. some exploration of jason’s past + trauma around being a caretaker to a parent figure.

post-resurrection:

the only way out (is as a carcass) by @silk-scarlet-ribbons

red hood gets mentally rewound to his robin days, and has A Time. this fic also delves a bit into jason grappling with the major changes his body went through since he was robin, which is a particularly compelling pang to me.

all my love and terror balanced there by @burins

in which jason and bruce have a conversation, and i cry. (this line has lived in my head since i read it: "I lost you too," Jason says. "You always forget that. And I never got you back.")

Tap Out by @coyote-nebula

jason gets poisoned as a civilian, which kicks off a character study of jason & bruce + trying not to hurt each other. one of my favorite jason povs!

The Cold Like Coming Home by cabezas_de_vaca

jason rescues bruce wayne from a kidnapping across the globe from gotham. this one made me experience the full spectrum of jason & bruce emotions, pangs and all.

butcherbird, fly away home by e_va

unrelated to the previous fic, but: jason rescues bruce wayne from a kidnapping across the globe from gotham. here, bruce doesn’t know jason’s alive yet, jason doesn’t tell bruce the truth about what happened to him (at first), and they both Go Through It before eventually going home.

It Doesn’t Look Bitter on You by ManURonaldo

a story about jason’s food insecurity, with some really excellent pangs in both the past & present timelines. (also comes with a side of tim pangs, as a treat.)

[da-simi]

Fic Recs - Shinsou-centric

click here to go to my master list of fic recs

Had someone ask me for Shinsou fic recs through a comment, and I just about cackled with glee. If it’s not obvious that he’s my favorite character, well, he is! I just love the idea of someone who is determined to prove everyone wrong about them and keeps pushing towards their goal. And I think there are so many real life parallels to his situation - he really is a great canvas to paint social commentary on. And he’s purple. I mean, come on, that’s a factor! Anyway, here are 25 26 27 of my favorite completed Shinsou-centric fics, organized alphabetically by ship (or lack thereof). All but one of these are in Shinsou’s pov, though some switch back and forth. As always, a range of ratings and ships, please mind the tags!

Fics without a romantic Shinsou ship:

and i’m nothing like you by aloneintherain Rated T, 1 Chapter, 9322 words, no / ship

Author summary: Of all the people to have been kidnapped alongside, it had to be this person, this hero, the one person who would never blame him for the things he was forced to do.

“Don’t cry,” Midoriya says.

“Fuck you,” Hitoshi chokes out.

(When Shinsou goes grocery shopping a few weeks after transferring to Class 2A, Midoriya tags along. Because he is, for some reason, determined to be Shinsou’s friend.

Shinsou remains cold and withdrawn in the face of Midoriya’s friendliness—until they’re kidnapped by a woman with a brainwashing quirk who believes Shinsou doesn’t belong in the hero course.)

How to Win the Sports Festival: A Step by Step Guide by mhwright NR, 5/5 chapters, 15783 words, no / ship

Author summary:  Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

The fic is the title, folks. Shinso Wins the Sports Festival.

I Would Understand by deafmic Rated T, 3/3 chapters, 45,639 words, no / ship

The whole foster kid Shinsou and Dadzawa headcanon is probably one of the most popular for stories that focus on Shinsou as a teenager. This is an old one that I think handles it pretty well.

Author summary: Shinsou Hitoshi had a bit of a problem, and that problem was that he’d gotten attached to Aizawa Shouta. And somewhere along the line had started seeing him as a parental figure, a replacement for all the foster home parents who’d passed him along and never quite done their job.

A kid who's been in foster care his entire life spends a normal, average day after training with the teacher who seems to care a little too much.

komorebi by Calamitatum Rated M, 56/56 chapters, 192,705 words, no / ship

If you saw this list before 4/27/24, this was a late add. I usually don't bookmark things until they're finished, so I missed this one in my initial list, but the final chapter posted today and I realized I never recced it. SO GOOD.

Author summary: The change can't be immediate, or it’ll seem forced. It has to take time, in order to be realistic. He knows that.

He’ll need to seem like a villain. But he’ll be a hero.

And for that, Hitoshi thinks he’d do just about anything.

Or,

Someone's selling UA's secrets, and Shinsou Hitoshi definitely doesn't have anything to prove.

Soothsayer by Smurfee Rated T, 1/1 chapter, 10873 words, no / ship

Beyond being a great writer, Smurfee is an incredible artist. They've moved on to other fandoms a bit, but their work is absolutely worth checking out.

Author Summary: Soothsayer - n. / sooth' - saer / : a person who predicts the future by magical, intuitive, or more rational means

Shinsou may not be a soothsayer, but he knows that this is not what the future had in store for him. This isn't how his life was supposed to turn out. He isn't supposed to wind up trapped in this small grey room, with the walls closing in on him from all sides, slowly suffocating him with the knowledge that he'll never become a hero. Not like this.

And he definitely isn't supposed to end up with this annoying freckled visitor, who keeps telling him not to give up.

the night was a gelid, bitter, and biting thing by sonrissa Rated T, 1/1 chapters, 4067 words, no / ship

Author summary: Shinsou Hitoshi finds reprieve on the top of his apartment building, looking up at the stars and the vast expanse of space. Sometimes, he thinks he's a void too, a black hole that suffocates everything that gets too close. It's how he was built.

He doesn't expect company, doesn't expect said company to actually stay, nor does he expect his entire outlook on life to change after one conversation with a tepid stranger.

The night was a gelid, bitter, and biting thing, but it may have saved his life -- his future -- from burning out completely.

The Things You Learn at 1:30 a.m. by purple_insomniac20 Rated T, 1/1 chapter, 6912 words, no / ship

Yes, this is one of mine :) 

Author Summary:  It was a well-known fact in the 2A dorms that Shinsou suffered from insomnia. The eyebags were not a fashion statement, but a hard-earned badge of honor for the chronically sleep deprived. He could be found rambling around the hallways at odd hours, trying to convince his overactive mind that he was, in fact, exhausted, and it was ok to just shut down for a bit. A change in one student’s work study schedule, however, leads to a series of meetings that change Shinsou’s perspective on warm drinks, random knowledge, and friendship.

In which Shinsou and Midoriya share a love of random knowledge and use it to their advantage.

The World Ended Before it Could Begin (Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds) by borntobemild Rated T, 19/19 Chapters, 72735 words, no / ship

Author summary:  It was supposed to be Izuku. He had all the knowledge and the plans he needed to make this work. But circumstances change and now Hitoshi is thirteen again and trying to stop the world from ending while also pretending that he isn't a traumatized adult trapped in a child's body. 

You Want it Darker by Ms_Chunks Rated E, 90/90 chapters, 533808 words, no Shinsou ship

This is my one exception to the rule of only having Shinsou pov fics in this list, because this one has one of my all-time favorite characterizations of Shinsou, his family, and his influences. It’s a murder mystery from Aizawa’s pov, and it gets DARK. You REALLY need to mind the tags on this one and read the author’s note at the beginning of chapter one, then decide if this is a good fic for you.

Author Summary: Aizawa hunts a killer and takes on a new student. He gets more than he bargained for from both.

ShinBaku

Fingertips by tangerinelighter Rated M, 20/20 chapters, 106861 words, ShinBaku

The author has another account - tangerinedarker - with fics which are *surprise!* darker in theme. I’ve really enjoyed everything I’ve read by them on either account. This story switches between Bakugou and Shinsou pov chapters.

Author summary: Katsuki finds often that most people suck. They’re boring, they’re stupid, they talk too much and never put their money where their mouths are, and they’re just frankly pathetic.

But damn if Shinsou doesn’t have a mean sense of humour, a petty streak a mile wide, and pretty eyes to boot.

Pro-Hero Bakugou Katsuki finds someone to talk shit with and Hopeless Romantic Shinsou Hitoshi realizes he’s a hopeless romantic.

Hard Reset by Lemon_drop_lantana Rated E, 3/3 chapters, 14353 words, ShinBaku

Author summary:  Hitoshi achieves his long-term dream of fucking Bakugou Katsuki. Too bad he can't remember it, and Bakugou's probably going to kill him.

How Much Does it Cost to Fall in Love? By useless_donut Rated M, 5/5 Chapters, 11,175 Words, ShinBaku

There are three authors who got me into this ship: useless_donut, walkingcatfish, and ladybugfanfics. HIGHLY recommend anything by any of the three of them. They have a range of ratings so you can always find something that suits your preferences! This one was my first donut bookmark - it switches between Bakugou’s and Shinsou’s pov.

Author summary: Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki has had a rough day. All he wants is some caffeine, but what he gets instead is a blast from the past in the form of a deeply sarcastic, failed-to-become-a-hero barista named Shinsou Hitoshi.

Shinsou enjoys his part-time cover job at Nocturn Café. It gives him a sense normalcy after the often heart-wrenching jobs he takes on as a top-secret underground hero. A job that Bakugou definitely doesn’t have security clearance to know about.

Too bad Bakugou doesn’t know how to leave well enough alone, and desperately wants to know why Shinsou gave up on his dream. Shinsou just wants to have a relaxing shift at his cover job, but it doesn’t look like that will happen any time soon.

Not as Far by ScentedBooks Rated E, 1/1 chapter, 12599 words, ShinBaku

Author summary:  Shinsou only sends the person photos of simple things. Photos of his cats, the coffee he had that morning, or if he sees something nice on the way to work. Or random memes at 3am when he can’t sleep.

The person does the same back. Shinsou can never tell the exact location of their photos.

What if that all changed?

the things you think better left unsaid by ladybugfanfics Rated E, 24/24 chapters, 155,660 words, ShinBaku

My all-time favorite ShinBaku story. EVERYTHING this author writes is incredible, so if you like this ship, you really need to check out their other works. So much emotion, so well written! Definitely a comfort fic for me. I’ve reread it a lot.

Author summary: Shinsou Hitoshi’s quiet mornings in the back of the library get suddenly and annoyingly disrupted by a loud blond at the start of his third year in college. There’s no reason for this loud-ass blond to be as loud as he is, and for some reason, Shinsou isn’t telling him to fuck off.

After two weeks of annoyance, Shinsou gets the pleasure of him breaking into his apartment, and for some reason, he doesn’t kick him out. A week later, he finally asks what’s wrong, and he’s asked a question he was wholly unprepared for.

For some reason, he says yes.

What harm can a fake relationship do him when the guy who asked is attractive and he wouldn’t mind some intrigue in his otherwise boring university life?

to chance upon your explosive heart by kourota Rated M, 24/24 chapters, 232324 words, ShinBaku

If you looked at this list before 11/27/23 - this is a late add! Was driving somewhere and letting my mind wander and it hit me that I'd forgotten it, but it is NOT forgettable! Much softer than most ShinBaku I've read, but still addresses some deeper themes. It also bucks the trend of foster kid Shinsou stories - his family is a huge (good!) part of this story.

Author summary: The first time Hitoshi met Bakugou Katsuki, he’d called him arrogant, sent him a challenge, and basically pulled every trick in the book to piss him off. To him, Bakugou had been someone who had everything handed to him on a silver platter—a powerful quirk and enough strength to make it into the hero course—where Hitoshi had to fight tooth and nail for every little thing in his life.

He’d thought it’d be just that—a clash with the angry boy, and maybe another face-off at the Sports Festival—but it seemed that there were more situations where they’d meet. Far too many odd run-ins which left him frustrated and confused.

Coincidences. Perhaps there was something bigger at play.

It didn’t matter, he supposed. What did matter was the fact that Hitoshi had gotten to know Bakugou on a level far more personal than he could have ever anticipated, and he’d discovered that they had a lot more in common than meets the eye.

U + ME by Deos Rated E, 1/1 chapter, 43016 words, ShinBaku

The summary doesn’t do this one justice - it’s an AU where there are quirks but they're not heroes. Hitoshi is a college student and Bakugou runs a café that serves soup with some crazy rules. One of the tags is literally, “Bakugou the Soup Nazi.”

Author Summary: This is Hitoshi's first impression of Bakugou:

Kinda cute.

This is Hitoshi's second impression of Bakugou:

God, what an asshole.

ShinDeku

All the Words We Couldn’t Say by purple_insomniac20 Rated T, 5/5 chapters, 24796 words, ShinDeku

Yes, this is also one of mine :) 

Author summary:  Hitoshi was almost at the bottom of the box of mail when he came across an envelope that was different from the rest. It was almost square, and had unfamiliar postage and a handwritten address. He stared uncomprehendingly for a minute before realization hit - he knew that handwriting.

In which Shinsou is overworking himself to cope with overwhelming feelings, until a letter from a friend forces him to face it all.

Paper Agency by The Feels Whale (miscellea) Rated T, 1 Chapter, 47,707 words, ShinDk

I recced this one before in my Quirkless Midoriya list, but it belongs here too, since it’s from Shinsou's pov. 

Author Summary: Brand new U.A. graduate, Shinsou Hitoshi, has a lot on his plate between finding a job, looking for a place to live, figuring out what his relationship with his mentors is going to look like now that they're not teacher and student anymore, and why his civilian boyfriend, Izuku, is acting so damn weird.

Or: that one where Shinsou realizes a lot of things have been going on in the wings.

Realizations of the Hopelessly Infatuated by RunawayBean Rated T, 1/1 chapter, 9543 words, Shin/Deku

Author Summary:  His brow is creased with concern, eyes spilling over with it, and he looks like he wants to hug Hitoshi but is too afraid to. Honestly, Hitoshi wouldn’t be opposed if he weren’t so worried about getting blood all over everything Midoriya has on. Midoriya’s hands are warm and timid, shaking, when they touch his face and, before Hitoshi is even processing it-

It’s only after Midoriya tilts his head to kiss him more firmly that Hitoshi realizes what’s happening.

The Cute Guy Next Door Might be a Villain by alesyira Rated T, 31/31 chapters, 89707 words, ShinDeku

The author has a couple of sequels for this, some of which are still in progress, and a podfic of it, which is actually how I discovered it! POV switches by chapter between Midoriya and Shinsou.

Author summary: Quirkless, young adult Midoriya Izuku has a problem. Namely, he has a crush on his purple haired, tired-looking neighbor. They keep running into each other and the guy is actually pretty nice under that deadpan facade, has a sense of humor, doesn't seem to judge anyone for their quirk status, and is constantly spoiling any cat in the building that finds him. (He's also a shameless flirt.)

But Izuku has concerns. About the strange bruises and bloodied knuckles. About the weapons he's seen when stopping by for a cup of sugar. About the shady-looking figures he's accidentally spotted his neighbor meeting with. About the fact that right after the news reported a big crime bust, his neighbor came home beat all to hell and looking haunted.

Izuku has a problem. Namely, he has a crush on his neighbor, who he's pretty sure is secretly a villain. And he has no idea what to do with that.

(or: Adult!ShinZuku AU where Shinsou is an underground, undercover pro hero trying to find a lead on a case that may or may not involve the socially awkward guy living next door. Misunderstandings abound.)

ShinKami

Blame it On the Cat by fandomtrashpanda Rated T, 1/1 chapter, 3856 words, ShinKami

This is another author who writes some great ShinKami - check out their other works if you like this ship!

Author Summary: "Do you think if we used the same name for the cat our fans would figure us out?" Denki asked, bumping their hips as he went to get a glass from the cabinet.

"If they haven't figured it out from you wearing the same shirts when you walk through the living room during my streams as you do during your own streams, they don't deserve to know," Hitoshi grumbled, going back to his coffee.

OR

Shinsou and Kaminari are semi-popular twitch streamers, whose fans have no clue that they already live together and are dating.

Kiss Me Through the Screen by Ischemia Rated M, 24/24 chapters, 70,428 words, ShinKami

I absolutely love Ischemia’s sense of humor, and they write a lot of ShinKami. This is just the oldest one I have bookmarked. 

Author Summary: Shinsou remembers when he first saw the ad for Ch4rgeb0lt’s services. He was just messing around online when a pop-up appeared with his smiling face, one eye winking and the other brightly flashing with happiness.

“Lonely? Tired of coming home to an empty apartment? Can’t find anyone to listen to your problems? Say no more! For the low cost of $10 per stream, you can have all the company and love you ever wanted. Get a best friend for the best price!”

His first reaction was, “what kind of depressing loser needs to buy a boyfriend?” before he looked around at his empty home and realized he might be that depressing loser.

Letter to the Headitor by Ischemia Rated E, 30/30 chapters, 105918 words, ShinKami

I was reading this one as it was being published and chapter release days were the highlight of my week. I laughed harder at this one than almost any other fic I've ever read.

Author summary: Hitoshi's heart sped up as he imagined how they'd respond to his earlier rude complaint. To be fair, he wasn't prepared to inform them, "I have the emotional maturity of a sponge, and your dreadful blonde sex clown made me feel things I haven't felt in years," so an insult was the next best thing.

In which librarian Shinsou is mesmerized by the world's worst porn actor, despite his better judgment.

Microdose by octobot Rated T, 1/1 chapter, 6078 words, ShinKami

Author summary:  Hitoshi has only been a part of class 3A for a few months when Kaminari appears at his door in the middle of the night. They’re not friends, they barely even know each other really, but when Kaminari asks for help, Hitoshi finds himself unable to say no.

Wondering What You’re Dreaming by fandomtrashpanda Rated M, 1/1 chapter, 6281 words, ShinKami

Author summary: "Just to warn you, my family insists that I talk in my sleep."

OR:

Kaminari tends to talk in his sleep. Shinsou can't help but find it endearing.

For several years, jokes and shenanigans ensue.

Poly

Cotyledon by sholosha Rated E, 58/58 Chapters, 232,372 words, ShinTodoDeku

Author Summary:  It's his second year at UA, and Shinsou is finally, finally, transferring to the hero course. He's ready, he thinks, or hopes— either way, it doesn't matter, 'cause he's going to show everyone he's got what it takes. And it also doesn't matter that the longer he spends in the program, the more he can't stop thinking about a certain freckled wannabe-friend, and the more he's noticing that a certain stoic classmate is paying him a lot more attention than he'd like.

Whatever. Irrelevant. He's here to be a hero, not make friends. Even if they would be the first ones he's made in...ever. But it's his second year, and he's going to make it count by focusing on what's important.

His name is Shinsou Hitoshi, and he's going to be a goddamn hero.

Homebound by chalk Rated T, 1/1 chapter, 1472 words, TdDkKrBkShin

Author Summary: Hitoshi only planned to stay on their couch for a few weeks.

[da-simi]

Occasionally I picture Nightwing calling Red Hood "little wing" in front of others and people looking between this huge, 6'0 feet tall man with growing white hair, and then Nightwing, a shorter man who has flawless skin, probably around his 20's, and a fit but not too buff build and they just- don't know what's happening. Is it some kind of inside joke they aren't aware of? Why is Nightwing acting as if he's years older than Red-fucking jacked-Hood?

Nightwing: Little wing, you actually were decent in that fight! I'm impressed.

Hero, who was helping during this fight as well, listening in to the conversation: little...?

Red Hood: Wow, feeling very appreciated right now. Got any other backhanded compliments in there?

Hero: Wait, excuse me-

Nightwing: As a matter of fact-

Red Hood: Nope! I'm outta here. Screw you!

Nightwing: You know you love me!

Red Hood: In your dreams, dickhead!

Nightwing: Hey! We don't use that-

Red Hood: Not listening!

Nightwing: Jeez, kids these days...

Red Hood: I'm an adult and fuck you too!

Nightwing: What? Thought you weren't-

Red Hood: See you never, I'm out.

Hero: ...

Hero: what the actual fuck?

[da-simi]

when your crime lord son has glow in the dark eyes

[da-simi]

ok ok consider. athena kid jason. BUT. upon his resurrection and finding out bruce never gave the joker any real consequences, his mother's sense of justice reared up so strongly that nemesis caught notice and went "oh. oh that's not justice anymore. :)" and blessed him

ohh that’s interesting.

jasons sense of justice got so fucked up athena and nemesis did a little trade

[da-simi]

Dick: Okay, I think we’re gonna have to do ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop’.

Jason: Yeah. It’s tropey but it works.

Dick: Exactly. Wanna flip for Bad Cop?

Jason: You’re kidding.

Dick: Or we could play Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?

Jason: Dude, I can’t be Good Cop. I kill people, remember? You can’t kill people and be Good Cop.

Dick: Those were traffickers and mob lieutenants. These are Rogue goons.

Jason: What, like that matters?

Dick: Yes, that matters. They don’t care that you took out some mobsters. They care that you revived the Joker after beating him to death and then let him go.

Jason: I didn’t revive him, I just didn’t let him die yet! And I didn’t let him go either! That was Batman! I was gonna kill the psycho!

Dick: Yeah, well, you still kept him alive and the goons probably know it. Just like they know I was happy to leave him dead when I killed him.

Jason: What?

Dick: You heard me.

Jason: You…?

Dick: Killed the Joker? Yes. I thought he killed Timmy and then when I confronted him, he said your name and…I didn’t stop hitting him until he choked on his own blood.

Jason: Then…how is he still alive?

Dick: Batman revived him.

Jason Fucking what?

Dick: Yeah.

Jason: Well, now I definitely can’t be Good Cop. I’m way to pissed for that shit.

Dick: Well, so am I.

Jason: Fuck.

Dick: Fuck.

Jason: So now whadda we do? Try to beat it outta him?

Dick: No, he'll lock down. That's why I suggested "Good Cop, Bad Cop" to begin with.

Jason: So we need a Good Cop.

Dick: Okay, I’m gonna call Timmy and see if he can come play Good Cop.

Jason: Good plan.

Dick [talking into a secure (& Batman-proof) phone]: Hey, Robin, you busy?

Tim [on speakerphone]: Kinda, yeah. What’s going on? You sound weird.

Dick: Hood and I need to get some intel from a goon, and we’re thinking “Good Cop, Bad Cop” is the way to go but neither of us can pull off Good Cop right now.

Tim: Shit. I’m in Bangkok right now-

Jason: The fuck are doing in Bangkok?

Tim: Speedy needed help with a thing.

Dick: In Bangkok?

Tim: No. She’s in Korea.

Jason: So, again, why the fuck are you in Bangkok?

Tim: Because Lady Shiva’s here and she’s perfect for what Speedy needs, so I’m calling in a favor she owes me.

Dick: You’re calling in a favor from Lady Shiva because Speedy needs help with a thing in Korea.

Tim: Yep. You got it.

Dick: No, that’s- You say that like it doesn’t require any further-

Tim: Can you hang on for a second? There’s an assassin tailing me.

Dick: Shit. Do you need us to send someone out there?

Jason; Starfire should be done with her thing by now. She's not on your shit list, right?

Tim: No, I like Kori. But I’m good now. My assassin got the other assassin.

Dick: You have an assassin?

Tim: Kinda? She defected from the League of Assassins and is up for hire but she always gives me priority since she feels like she owes me a life-debt.

Dick: Again, you sound like you think that statement doesn’t require any further explanation.

Jason: So you hired your assassin buddy to kill the other assassin?

Tim: What? No. Of course not. She didn’t kill him. We’ll question him later. She never kills on my jobs since she knows I don’t like it.

Dick: What about other jobs?

Tim: That’s her business. We aren’t all control freaks, you know.

Dick: That’s-

Jason: That’s good, Little Red. Good that you have healthy boundaries.

Dick: I have healthy boundaries.

Jason: Sure you do.

Tim: Okay, you’re gonna have to argue that on your own. I’m supposed to help my friends out with something after I get Shiva to help Speedy, but I have to handle this interrogation first. So how about I just send my friends the twenty-five plans I drew up and ask Bunker if he minds helping you out before he joins us? He should be able to get inside Gotham in less than ten minutes.

Jason: Oh, Bunker’s perfect for Good Cop.

Tim: Right? They’ll spill everything and probably give him their grandma’s secret family recipes on top of it.

Dick: Wait. Back it up. You have twenty-five plans drawn up? What are you guys up against?

Tim: Nothing we can’t handle. Young Justice figures, why even bother with a plan B if you aren’t gonna cover the whole alphabet?

Jason: There’s twenty-six letters in the alphabet, Little Red.

Tim: Yeah, but plan Z is always the same, so we don’t bother listing it anymore.

Dick: Is it ‘get an adult’?

Tim: Of course not.

Jason: When you were a Teen Titan, how often did you call in an adult when you probably should have?

Dick: Okay, that’s fair.

Jason: So what’s plan Z?

Tim: ‘Fuck it, we ball’.

Dick: That’s not a pl-

Jason: That’s perfect. I love it.

Dick: No. Don’t encourage him.

Tim: Thanks, Hood. So do you want me to ask Bunker about helping you? I’m kinda on a time crunch now.

Jason: Yes, please.

Tim: Okay. He’s on the way. Is there anything else?

Dick: Whe-

Jason: No, we’re good. Have fun storming the castle!

Tim: ‘Kay, bye!

Jason: Bye!

Dick: The fuck-

Jason: Bunker and I can handle the interrogation here and Timmy and his assassin friend are gonna be busy with an interrogation there for a bit. If you take off now, you can probably catch up with him and go all big brother like you’re dying to.

Dick: You sure?

Jason: Yeah, I’m sure me and Bunker can handle this asshole.

Dick: Thank you.

Jason: Yeah, well, you did kill the Joker. That’s gotta count for something, right?

Dick: I’ll tell you all about it after I make sure Timmy doesn’t get himself killed or lose another organ.

Jason: I’ll hold you to- Timmy lost an organ?

Dick [already calling Kori to get him to Tim]: Later. I’m on a time crunch now!

Jason: I’m holding you to that!

Jason: *sighs* No one in this family knows how to share.

[da-simi]

The average gothamite dies twice factoid is a statistical mistake. Jason Todd, who keeps dying and coming back to life, is an outlier and shouldn't have been counted

[da-simi]

Red Hood’s all about keeping his secret identity from almost everyone, right?

He’s going to all his meetings with the hood on and never lets any of his ‘business partners’ or goons or allies unrelated to the bats see his face, right???

He either gains enough trust or completely forgets to put it on as he walks in on his goons, his gang, if you will.

They all just kinda side eye this kid who just walked in and started ordering around until one of them finally speak up questioning this kids existence and whatnot. Hood whips around to yell at them for their insubordination but goes to run his hands through his hair or something and is genuinely surprised when his fingers DO go through his hair. So he just walks out of the room in a huff until he walks back in and says the exact thing. All the goons immediately burst into action and don’t question the kid who walked in and said the exact same thing moments ago…

In another instance he forgets his hood under his arm and starts addressing everyone but this time they react a bit more aggressively. This time he just sighs and puts the hood on his head. It’s an instant reaction but Doofenshmertz style, “a kid with a hood giving us orders?” To, “Red Hood giving us orders!”

Tim sees it this time and never lets him live it down, periodically calling him Perry the Platypus.

[da-simi]

Prompt:

Oliver Queen and Bruce Wayne are childhood best friends.

Green Arrow hates Batman’s guts.

That animosity— and his aim to subtly piss Batman off at every turn— results in Green Arrow and Red Hood collaborating on a trafficking bust.

This somehow results in discovering that the Red Hood is his best friend’s supposedly dead son.

Oliver doesn’t know how he’s going to fix this, with Jason refusing to want anything to do with either Bruce or the Batman of Gotham (who everyone knows is dating the former)… but one thing’s for sure:

He needs to bring the kid home. Oliver can’t bear to watch Bruce suffer any longer when the cause for it is sitting at his kitchen table, alive, and stuffing his face with waffles.

[da-simi]

au idea where all batman’s kids never became vigilantes/heros and all went straight to villainy.

why, you ask? because bruce was out so much dealing with gotham rogues and the justice league that they hardly see him anymore. and, after all, the best way to get the bats attention in gotham is to be an absolute menace.

imagine bruce coming back from some long mission off-world to find that gotham has several new rogues who have seemingly staked a claim on different parts of the city. they are all causing panic and havoc.

dick gets to flip around the city and cause his own brand of chaos, jason gets to try and run crime alley again, tim finally gets to have his villain arc(he’s so been planning this for months guys), damian is releasing so many animals from the zoo and getting them sent off to places that will rehabilitate them, cass is having a blast just stalking bruce while he is losing his mind on various gotham rooftops, and duke keeps using his abilities to like, flash bang creeps and assholes on the streets in broad day light. babs is probably eating popcorn and hacking into bruce’s comms with alfred to watch the chaos unfold. steph went around in a fake batman costume, really poorly mimicking bruce’s voice, and saying the most random shit to civilians.

the opportunists are endless. the plot holes are prevalent, but ignored