#anyway i think i mostly wanna get to the specials
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I get the impression that money was a bit tight on clouds on the horizon in general, what with the uneven time put into the lumity kiss vs the hexsquads fight outside blight manner w/ the infamous cha cha slide, plus background details going wonky (like baloony hunter), but my favourite semi-wonky frames are the closeups on Hunters face when he's talking with Luz about him being a grimwalker.
bc the proportions are just. So funny to me. Why is his nose so long. Why are his eyes in the middle of his face. When did his forehead get so big. What's happening. Did I die. Is this purgatory. I unironically love this bc it reminds me that this show was made by people who were trying their best. And sometimes their best looks the Bunter Vs hexsquad fight in thanks to them and other times it looks like this
[ID: a screenshot of a close-up on Hunters face from clouds on the horizon. The placement and proportions of his face are slightly off. End ID]
(although in searching for this image I was informed that a different studio than normal animated clouds on the horizon. Which is probably at least part of the reason why there's so many bungled frames. Also probably why the cha cha slide got animated the way it did. God I love animation)
#ramblings of a lunatic#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#I'm sorry if this post seems mean i promise you I'm trying not to be this is unironically one of my favourite parts of rewatching this ep)#my thoughts on clouds on the horizon are that i like it's individual elements but it struggles to be more than the sum of its partd#*parts#mainly i think that everything is pretty strong minus. literally the ''main'' storyline of amity and her family#i think you need at least one extra scene to communicate to the audience that the relationship between al and odalia-#-is more abusive than we'd previously been led to believe. because as it stands it feels like too much of a leap between previous eps#but like. everything else about this episode is good and works#its that storyline that lets this ep down and makes it feel incongruous to me#i recognise that it's a result of the shortening and I'm not mad about it so i don't make a big stink about it#but its the reason i dont really care too much abt alador as a character. he's good when it lets me explore other characters feelings#(Darius Amity even Willow or Camilla etc)#but other than that he's just kinda there#anyway i think i mostly wanna get to the specials#im fighting the part of me telling me to just rewatch my comfort eps (asias and labyrinth runners. also ftf a lil bit) bc WE JUST DID THAT#IF I KEEP WATCHING THEM TOO MANY TIMES I'M GONNA GET SICK OF IT AND DIE#but like. i really wanna :(#being strong tho /j
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my *in-universe reason for why masato couldnt be in ishin longer is because he had to use the last of his Foreign Drugs for his second scene and since he couldnt get any more they had to cut him because he insisted on just standing without it and kept keeling over as a result
*in-universe being that ishin is a movie and theyre all actors for some reason
#is this spoilers#i'll do it just in case#spoilers#ishin spoilers#snap chats#i always think of ishin as a movie or stageplay its more fun that way#anyway his stubborn ass would#forever bothers me they didnt just have him sit like the scene where he stands he can very easily sit#they prob didnt wanna reanimate things but cmon dawg#i guess it'd throw off the composition and energy of the scene but idc bout all that so long as man has his ailment#ACTUALLY sounds horrible when i say it but no im right let him be disabled rgg#its crazy cause the only other scene he's in he's sitting which. makes sense for the scene he's meeting with ryuji/saigo#but in his second scene he's also meeting with takechi/shibusawa and i mean he's kinda just wanderin for a sec#but he mostly just stands let him SIT#anyway back to being goofy. masato took his Special Injection but recording the one scene took too long and he keeled over#ichiban was on site to get him tho its ok <3#see this is how /i/ cope with knowing this is the last time ill see my mans
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uses my editing self reflection paper to talk about the importance of set design lmao
#..........listen they filmed in front of a white wall with bright sunlight coming from a big window#and they chose mostly white-with-black-lines art to hang on the wall#this was a POOR DESIGN CHOICE and i as the editor Suffered for it#so YES i have a new & cool perspective on set design! and yes i wanna learn it.#.........and yes i think my college should teach more of it#sure i mostly had school in a pandemic so we wouldn't have gotten to anyway but there are ZERO set design classes for tv#there are for film and theater but u gotta get like! so many prerequisites!!#i wish the tv&radio program would have specialized classes!!!!#i have no influence on this and i'm graduating too soon for it to matter but i CARE#i don't want more vr classes i want SET. DESIGN. AND. LIGHTING. AND. SOUND.
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pride month is over volcel mimuro has been taken to the woodshed by daddy and mikado is now the presiding icon which is also a really funny match for my beloved (haha) header
#also if i'm not around a lot i'm SAURRY i'm doing artfight and still cranking out references for my yun skeb cries loudly and throws up.#also i am almost at 2k posts and i wanna do something special i had an animation planned i have the cells extracted i just need to actually#make it. now. sighs#it's mostly tracing but it's like. 53 frames. smiles.#and it's of a character i find hard to draw but ANYWAY. smiles.#if i get it done i think you guys will like it. smiles.
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YOU SHOULD DO FILMING A SEX TAPE WITH ENHYPEN
yes yes yes !! the only downside of me thinking about this too much is that now i have the increasing need to write a full fanfic about filming a sextape with heeseung
HEESEUNG gets hard the second you mention the possibility of filming a sextape. he strikes me as someone who would fucking love to receive and send nudes, so having videos of the two of you would feel even better. it’s perfect for when he’s away on tour too, because he’s a visualizer and he cannot cum if he doesn’t hear your pretty moans. he’s basically down for doing everything on camera, and he will even end up creating a special folder just for these videos. he has some close up of your pussy covered in his cum, of you drooling around his cock, of your cunt swallowing his big cock. i think he’d also tease a whole lot more, being cocky about the whole situation even if he’s the one losing his mind every time he watches the footage again. anyway, he’s on the nasty side.
“- open your mouth for me pretty, show me how much of a slut you are for me… yeah, just like that.”
JAY would literally do anything for you, so of course he is going to say yes. i don’t think he would particularly into it himself, but how much it is turning you on is what makes him hard. he’s the definition of a service dom, so it isn’t surprising. he’ll talk about it with for hours before actually doing it so that he can be sure he will fulfill your desires perfectly. and there will also definitely be a much more romantic dimension - footage of your face when he’s making you cum, of him while he’s worshiping your body and you’re the one holding the camera, or of your whole body on full display while he’s fingering you. your fantasy will slowly grow on him though.
“- you look so beautiful, princess. i love you so much.”
JAKE is a whore, of course he’s saying yes. actually, he will surely be the one to ask you about filming a sextape, something he had always wanted to try. he’s horny all the time, and even more when he’s stressed out and far away from you - some videos of the two of you are not a want, they’re a need. though the content is a little different from the one his two hyungs like, in the sense that jake loves when you’re on top, and that’s what he wanna see when he needs to jerk off. videos of you riding him, of him whining pathetically when you’re edging him, of your hand on his cock while you’re telling him that he’s your toy. he wouldn’t be against having some footage of him destroying your pussy too, but you domming him is always what gets him going the most.
“- fuck, you’re so tight… please, let me cum inside and film it dripping from your pussy… please.”
SUNGHOON is so cocky about it, it’s actually infuriating how confident he is. the whole time you’re discussing it with him, he has that smirk on his face, and maybe he’s even sitting on the couch and manspreading and and and ! anyway, he’s down for it as long as you beg - it’s not that he’s against the idea, it’s just that he loves to see you get down on your knees for him. the majority of the videos consist of showing how much of a slut you are : ones of you being ruined from behind, of you grinding against his thigh with tears in your eyes, and of your eyes rolling to the back of your head just because of his fingers. he’s sending you those footage at the worst moments because he loves it when you’re all needy for him, he just wants to see you go crazy on him.
“- that’s it darling, fuck yourself on my cock like the dumb girl you are.”
JUNGWON is not very big on nudes, he prefers the real thing or to call you if he’s really in need of a quick release, so you’ll have to be the one to bring up the thought. but once you do, he’s actually down to try it with you. i can’t see him loving it as much as the others, but once in a while, it’s something he enjoys. with him, it’s mostly short videos focused on your boobs bouncing with each one of his thrusts, or of his cock buried deep in your cunt when he’s barely moving. what turns him on the most about it are the sounds the both of you are making.
“- you feel so good, baby, don’t stop… say my name again.”
SUNOO is so shy at first, he’s really hesitant because he doesn’t want to disappoint you if the videos turn out to be bad. but he’s trusting you with his life, and he knows you will stop as soon as he asks you to do so. as much as he is a pillow prince, he will make the videos all about you and your pleasure. his favorite footage is the one in which he’s eating you out like a starved man and you’re moaning his name like a prayer. there will also be some shots of you caressing him while filming everything through the reflection of the mirror, or of his hands running your body up and down. he mostly does it for you because he knows how much you miss him when he’s away, but he gets to cum every time so he loves it too.
“- i want you to remember how good it feels everytime you rewatch this.”
#i wrote this in like 15 minutes that's how much i love the idea#eli answering your questions#eli's anonie#enhypen#enha#enhypen smut#enha smut#enhypen x reader#enha x reader#enha hard hours#enhypen hard hours#heeseung smut#heeseung x reader#heeseung hard hours#jay smut#jay x reader#jay hard hours#jake smut#jake x reader#jake hard hours#sunghoon smut#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon hard hours#jungwon smut#jungwon x reader#jungwon hard hours#sunoo smut#sunoo x reader#sunoo hard hours
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“Oh…shit,” Eddie mutters as the garage door slowly lifts open.
“What’s oh shit?” Hazel pipes up from the back seat.
“Nothin’. Just didn’t know Papa was gonna be home early today.”
Eddie takes his sweet time easing into the garage and cutting the engine, and then he twists in his seat to look at Hazel.
“Okay, we had a super fun day today, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Right, so here’s the deal – Papa is not gonna be thrilled with me if he sees how much fun today was. What if you go inside and distract Papa for me while I get everything in the house?”
Hazel just looks at him for a moment – long enough that Eddie wonders if she might hit the other end of the spectrum and go tattle on him to Steve, (and honestly, with Hazel it was sort of a toss-up if she’d actually be interested in running a mostly harmless con on her dad anyway).
“Okay,” she finally says.
“Okay?” Eddie repeats, “Alright, atta-girl. You wanna come up with a plan or–”
“No,” she cuts him off, fiddling with the buckle on her carseat.
Eddie pauses.
“You’re good?”
“Yup.”
“Okay,” he replies, only somewhat tentatively, and only then does he get out of the car, help Hazel out of her seat, and follow her into the house.
Steve is sitting at the kitchen counter, and he looks up as they walk in.
“Papa!” Hazel exclaims, barely kicking her sandals off before she’s running up to Steve and jumping into his arms.
“You’re home early,” Eddie comments.
“Had a feeling my last client was gonna cancel so I got all my admin shit done early in the day,” Steve replies, “What were you two up to?”
“Errands,” Eddie replies, because keep it simple, stupid (or so Eddie needs to remind himself constantly).
He hikes Hazel a little higher up so he can press a kiss onto her cheek, “How ‘bout you? Did you have a good day today?”
“Yup,” Hazel nods, and Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at her behind Steve’s back, “I wanna snuggle and put jammies on and read with you please.”
Steve’s whole face lights up.
“Really? You wanna snuggle and have some quiet time before your sisters get home?”
“Uh-huh,” she nods again, nuzzling her cheek against the collar of his shirt.
Steve looks entirely delighted as he heads up the stairs, and Hazel gives Eddie a thumbs up without even lifting her head off of Steve’s shoulder.
Holy shit, Eddie thinks, because he can’t believe that actually worked, but also because, holy shit, Hazel is diabolical. Just as diabolical as her big sisters, but in her own special, twisted kind of way, which means Eddie and Steve’s hopes of having an easy go of it with their youngest daughter are totally shot.
#don’t worry#eddie was so baffled that he forgot to bring all their shopping bags into the house#so steve found out pretty much immediately#liv’s steddie dads verse#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie dads
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Quiet Love
Characters: Xiao, Heizou, Cyno, Wanderer, Albedo x mute!reader
Summary: You're mute, and cant talk? not a problem for your partner, they can find other ways to communicate, and honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
Warnings: mute reader, kissing, most of them dont know sign language bc i said so and it makes this more interesting, idk man
Note: i feel like i accidentally made both the char and reader mute in some of them, I've tried to fix it though, so im sorry for that (and i also messed up some other shit im just missing brain cells n´ down bad) -love you
Xiao
Whom talks with you in touches and small notes.
He had seen no problem in your absence of speaking, he likes the quiet nights that you shared with him. The sounds of nature taking over your ears, it was nice, just standing beside you and looking out to the views of Liyue. he reaches out to hold your hand, though still not accustomed to the feeling, he does it anyway. and as his hand lightly squeezes yours, he feels your own squeezing his back, as if saying 'I love you'. your quiet conversations are sweet and only for you two to know about.
He leaves notes scattered around, as you do too. ones with little messages of your schedule and plans. ones written with more love than any other person could comprehend. notes shared between you and him. notes saying 'i loved that dish, could we make it again' and a reply under, 'of course, i'll do anything for you'. it seems simple and dumb, but a nice way to talk to each other anyway.
Heizou
Who likes when you just listen to him, and let him do anything he kind of wants to since you can't talk back, but he also loves when you just draw your thoughts on paper.
He loves to talk, but mostly loves when he gets to talk to you since you always listen to him so closely. he loves when he can just drag you to to places, but of course he's nice about it (kind of) and ask you if you wanna go to that new ramen shop that opened in the outskirts of Inazuma City, which he kind of answers for you because of course you do! in which you smile at (smile at him or else...)
He likes your little drawings, and especially when its a little puzzle he has to solve so he can understand what you're saying and loves to guess wrong purpose so he can get a reaction out of you. and even has a special sketchbook, that he keeps on him at all times. he also sometimes goes trough it and just smiles at all your little drawings. remembering the time that you drew it, and all the cute little faces you made when he teased you for how bad it looked.
Cyno
Who helps you talk with small drawings in the sand and learned sign language so he could communicate with you properly.
He's often out in the desert, and from time to time takes you with him. which makes it easy to express yourself when all you need is a stick, sometimes his spear if he lets you, and sand which is already in front of you at all times. the little drawings that symbol your love, so many hearts all over the sand it would be hard to count how many times you drew them. he gave you his cape at night when you were extra cold? you drew a heart around his feet as a 'thank u, i love you', in which he cutely (your words) responded with, "i love you too" right after.
Whom learned sign language just because he felt like you were left out a little, but also learned the wrong one at first so you had to help him and learn him some signs as well. but the first thing you learned him was how to say "i love you", but didn't tell him what it meant so you could do it without him noticing just for a little while longer.
Wanderer
Who hates being touched, but makes you touch his shoulder when you need something and gifts you a book so you can write to him when needed
He, despite hating when people touch him, he cant think of many other ways you could get his attention, so he wants you to touch him when you need him. it doesn't matter if he had an extra bad day, its the best way to get his attention, so touch him all you want. it is you after all, the love of his life, he would let you do whatever you wanted to do, just tap his shoulder and give him a few signs or point at something, anything you want you'll get.
Others would say that he would be annoyed at you for pushing a book up to his face every hour or so, but he surprisingly he doesn't get annoyed at all and "tolerates" you pretty well. in fact he loves when you just stand there and write in your little book, he thinks its adorable when you glare at him as a sign to wait for you to finish.
Albedo
Who is normally very quiet but when he's with you he loves to talk, but of course, he loves the times when it's just you and him sitting together in silence
He could be seen as quite shy if you didnt know him well, but when around you he was the complete opposite, talking about everything he did that day, was currently doing, what plans he had ext. he loves when you just listen to him, but if you ever tried pointing at smt to ask like yk 'whats this?' he would be overjoyed and you wouldn't be able to make him shut up for hours about that one thing.
He looked at you when you had put your hand in front of his sketchbook, you looked at him sweetly before kissing his cheek, catching him by surprise. he put down his sketchbook and kissed you back on your forehead. it was just a quiet moment between you two and you wouldn't have it any other way.
thx for reading i hope your day went/goes well, luv ya-Masterlist
You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts
#genshin x reader#gn reader#genshin impact#xiao x reader#albedo x reader#cyno x reader#wanderer x reader#scaramouche x reader#mute#mute!reader#heizou x reader#shikanoin heizou#scaramouche#albedo kreideprinz#genshin#genshin impact x reader#adeptus xiao#xiao fluff#cyno fluff
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If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?
If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖
Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs
A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!
btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.
cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,
GENERAL
ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.
he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.
the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.
contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.
ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.
lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.
ROMANTIC
you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.
“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”
would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.
he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.
after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.
favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)
not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.
now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.
he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.
ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.
the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.
a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.
please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.
pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.
big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.
NSFW
okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!
ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.
i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.
definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.
despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.
he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.
he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.
he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.
did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.
he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.
#creepypasta#creepypasta smut#celia reqs#creepypasta x reader#ben drowned#ben drowned x reader#ben drowned smut#ben drowned x y/n#ben drowned x you#ben drowned headcanons#ben drowned hcs#creepypasta headcanon
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Now that I have the confidence to send you asks, fully expect me to bug you periodically from here on out
Anyways- do you think Dick qualifies as a scapegoat? Cause I 100% think he's a scapegoat. People always try to shove the 'golden child' role onto Dick, and it always confused me cause like. He doesn't fit it at all if you actually look into what a golden child is.
Dick is definitely one of the scapegoats of the batfamily (Jason being the other) and it makes me sad that people always label him a golden child when he's the exact opposite. Seriously- he's hit, beaten, unfairly blamed, lashed out at, not told about important things (Jason or being replaced, Jason dying, Jason's funeral, probably other things, i wouldn't be surprised), etc. Definition of a scapegoat to me.
It's also why I hesitate to label him the 'favorite' even when the comics try to say otherwise. Mostly because... favorite children aren't really treated this way. Favorite weapon, maybe, as I've said in a post I've made before, but that's it. Bruce wouldn't kill for him or any of his kids. He's come close, yeah, but he's also come close to killing the Joker too after Jason's death and had to be threatened into not doing it. Every time, it's in a strong surge of emotion, and the second Bruce thinks rationally- well, he doesn't do it. Dick isn't at all unique, Bruce wouldn't kill for him either.
I think Bruce is the most proud of Dick, and has a unique relationship with him due to knowing him the longest and the parentification, but I don't think that makes him the favorite. Maybe to the other batkids, but probably not in reality.
I don't think Bruce really HAS a favorite- Dick is probably the closest to it, but still.
Though, if you wanna play around with angst and fanon ideas, maybe both Dick and Jason are the favorites and that's why Bruce treats them the worst? Dunno, it'd make a fun fic, even if it's not really grounded in canon (though I ignore RHATO and Comic UTRH).
Idk. Just,, gestures. Dick is a scapegoat to me.
Hope my 2 am rambling made sense lol
Okay, I see you, but I'll argue:
Dick Grayson is both the scapegoat and the golden child.
Now, you might not believe this since he doesn't tend to be both at the same time, and it isn't common for these roles to exist within the same individual. But Dick Grayson is praised and favored as much as he's blamed and pushed.
A golden child is the one who carries most of the expectations in the family. The parent expects them to be perfect, make no mistakes, take on roles they're pushed into with no issue (thus parentification can happen), and continue on and on to be good enough and meet the criteria so they don't make the parent disappointed.
The love is conditional hence they develop this unhealthy perfectionism and self-esteem and self-worth issues that will follow them till adulthood even when they're out of that environment and living their own lives.
The reason why a parent might choose a specific child (or children) to be the favored one is because they tend to see this child as an extension of themselves. And consequential to this, they will project their insecurities onto said child and force them to improve—be the best—where they fall short. All of their capabilities are overvalued, making the parent see them as special and much better than the rest, causing the unrealistic expectations a child must hold and fulfill so as not to “fail” their parent(s).
Although this child might seem like the favorite and who could do no wrong on the outside, the love they receive isn't something they can take for granted.
When a golden child underperforms or isn't as good as they're expected, the parent’s demeanor might change. They will feel the disappointment and fear this might cause the treatment they get to change. Sometimes the child might even fear abandonment or rejection from their parent as a result of their failures.
The mix of all this turns into a person who's over-competent, hard-working and someone that tends to take charge of things so they aren't at risk of failing, making them ‘natural’ leaders in any group they might be part of.
Sounding familiar yet?
Now, let's move on to the scapegoat:
A scapegoat child is the one that is blamed by all the things that go wrong in the family. They are constantly criticized and shamed by things they might've not even been part of, but somehow they're now involved and taking all the blame for the others so there are no consequences for anyone but them.
(All the blame also messes with their perception of certain events, making them prone to self-blame for the problems that occur in the family or their behaviors towards them.)
The scapegoating in the family may be due to subconscious projection from the parent when they're dealing with difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, rage, etc. They feel threatened by their own feelings and therefore they will try to escape from them by externalizing those feelings and making them their scapegoat’s problem.
Because of this treatment, the scapegoat might become an outsider in the family, feeling excluded and isolated from the rest. And for this, when push comes to shove and they're going through a rough patch, they will not have any reliable support they can go to inside the family as they'll be ignored or otherwise unfairly treated, having their feelings be invalidated.
Like the golden child, there's some aspects the scapegoat shares with the former:
Being treated differently by the parent/family.
Having unrealistic expectations placed upon them.
Being pushed into roles or responsibilities the child isn't meant to take.
Fear of expressing how they feel.
Self-worth issues and low self-esteem.
Although they're usually roles that are considered opposites, they aren't as incompatible as one might think. A child can alternate between being a scapegoat or the golden child, and this usually happens when the parent is very emotionally unstable, commonly due to a disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).
(I have so many thoughts about the latter applying to Bruce, but I will refrain from elaborating to not make this longer than it needs to be)
Having all I've said until now in consideration, I'm sure you've noticed how Dick meets both criterias—dare I say the golden child more often than the scapegoat.
Bruce is always speaking about how Dick is “better than him” and “the thing he's ever done right”, but in both of these statements you can see he's taking who Dick is and making it as something that's part of him, comparing Dick's accomplishments to his and putting him in this pedestal, and because of this projection happens and Bruce starts seeing Dick as an extension of himself.
This is why, when he or Dick fail, Dick will suddenly become the scapegoat, contrasting with the former golden child position he was in.
Here you can see the high expectations, praise for his accomplishments, his siblings feeling like Dick is better than them (i.e. treated differently than the rest), and you can also see how when he doesn't meet the expectations, he's met with disappointment (see: Alfred disappointed he's not as bright as he usually is) or judgment (see: Bruce angry at him because he isn't committing to his cause as much as he expects him to).
And these are examples of Bruce being too harsh on Dick and expecting him to do better, blaming him for his brother's death, and in result Dick having a habit of blaming himself and accepting mistreatment, thinking it must be his fault.
More often than not, Dick is put on a pedestal by his family and even his friends sometimes. They praise and love him, but when there's occasions in which he's acting less than perfect, the treatment towards him can change.
Dick Grayson can be the golden child as much as he can be the scapegoat.
#thank you for the ask!#dick grayson#nightwing#robin#bruce wayne#batman#jason todd#tim drake#alfred pennyworth#batfamily#golden child dick grayson#scapegoat dick grayson#dc comics#dc#character analysis#long post
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it's not about the roses
pairing: chan x reader (i wrote it with idol!chan or producer!chan in mind, but despite a brief mention of the studio it can fit any au, really) word count: 1,1k genre/warnings: er, fluff, a hint of angst if you squint but overall just tooth rotting sweetness. reader being kinda vulnerable author's note: inspired by my and @skzms 's channie brain worms, me crying over how boyfie he is in may's dms and her coming up with this little prompt. i'm manifesting a sweet healthy relationship for y'all, never settle for less <3
you were never the one for flowers, really.
it just didn’t seem anything meaningful or special, an occasional cute little bouquet on some first date you had ages ago, meeting someone completely new after mindlessly swiping them right on a dating app. plus, it’s always such a bother to take care for it. disassemble the thing, cut the stems, change the water, maybe cut off the leaves too.
at some point, you began to think of yourself as more of a practical person, taking gift giving to the point where it completely lost symbolism. always getting your friends and family either money or something they specifically asked for.
“at least, they’re actually gonna use it and get some utility out of it. ‘s good, right?” you thought to yourself, ticking a box on one of your friend’s wishlists for their birthday. it is good. no stress of choosing and endlessly pondering whether they’ll like it or not.
or is it avoiding the vulnerability of going down a more symbolic route if they don’t happen to respond to your gift the way you’d like them to after carefully planting hidden meanings and confessions all over a seemingly useless present? yeah, maybe, that’s the one, actually.
it was a regular saturday evening, no work, no plans, no big day or anything to celebrate. so, naturally, you were just spending the time at your place, resting after successfully having done all the house chores in one go.
purposelessly lying on the bed, you wondered what chris was up to. it wasn’t something out of the ordinary for you two to leave each other hanging during the day, keeping each other’s messages unread and waiting for some free time to give a thoughtful, proper reply.
but the little “1” next to your kakaotalk message was starting to feel unfriendly because... honestly? you just missed him. you wanted to know about his day, what he ate for lunch and whether work was okay today (knowing full well the man couldn’t care less about days of the week, coming over at the studio any time he needed or pleased).
distracting yourself with scrolling tiktok for a quick dopamine hit, you end up losing track of time a little. and the thing bringing you back to reality is chan’s short message, popping up on your notifications bar.
“can you come out for a sec? i’m at the door hehe~”
it takes you three times to read to finally understand what it actually means. he doesn’t have keys to your apartment yet, and you mostly hang out at his place anyways, so him coming all the way to the opposite side of the city makes your heart skip a beat.
you rush to the door and open it almost immediately, only to see channie, your channie, standing right in front of you with a nice bouquet of red roses wrapped up in kraft paper. the next thing you notice is chan’s wide smile, so sincere and endearing it makes you wanna cry on the spot.
you were never the one for flowers, really.
red roses always seemed like something either too vulgar or “easy”. something that becomes men’s first pick because they just never care enough to look for anything else and assume every girl loves it by default.
right now, however, it doesn’t feel like either of those.
the way chris is a bit nervous and really excited all at once; his hands gripping at the crunchy paper-wrapped base as he's waiting to give the flowers to you. the way his eyes sparkle and shine with warmth and genuine adoration for you. and you read past the roses, you learn so much more from it.
you learn how he’s been quiet because he was plotting a little surprise for you, trying not to be too obvious.
you see how he thought of you during the entire process, from an idea to carefully picking out the best flowers, making sure they’re fresh and pretty and will stay this way a while.
you can hear his timid little “thank you” to the florist as they exchange their bows and polite smiles.
you imagine the slightly awkward small talk with the taxi driver asking him about the occasion — the traffic and the parking area next to your building are awful, so you’re guessing he did take the taxi. and the drivers sure love to talk on the long drives, this one you had to learn the hard way.
gosh, chan looks so warm and… so soft, his lips making a familiar heartbreaking :] shape.
snapping out of your thoughts, you look into chris’s eyes and swallow down a salty lump in your throat.
“please don’t be alarmed, but i probably will cry a little,” you warn him before your voice gives out and take the roses, holding them close to your chest where the heart is bleeding.
“so pretty,” you stare down at the gentle velvety petals and sniff quietly.
chan looks worried for a moment but quickly pulls you into his embrace, stepping into the apartment and locking the door behind him.
“hey-y, i expected a smile, not your tears, baby. i didn’t upset you, did i?” to which you shake your head to reassure him.
“no, no, ‘course not! what do you mean? they’re so nice. i’m just… really happy? and i missed you. so much,” the last words come out like a weak mouse squeak as you close your eyes and let your emotions roll down your cheeks, staining your skin wet.
chan nods and takes your face into his palms, wiping away the tears and looking at you so lovingly you think you might actually break.
“i missed you too, baby. do you mind if i stay the night? i…- uh. i bought some face masks too, so we can just relax a little before bed and cuddle?”
you squeeze out a little “yeah” in response, headbutting his forehead and putting your arm around him, with another still holding the roses carefully.
“i love you,” you say slightly louder, making sure that he hears it.
maybe, gifts don’t have to be practical all the time. maybe, it’s okay to put sentimental value into simple, useless things sometimes. make them mean something.
“i love you too, baby,” chris hums still a little confused, rubbing soothing circles into your lower back and planting a chaste kiss on the bridge of your nose.
you reach for his plump soft lips and press yours against them. and even though your tastebuds can feel the salt, it’s the sweetest kiss you two have shared so far.
#skz imagines#skz x reader#skz x you#my fic#bang chan x you#bang chan x reader#chan x reader#chan x you#bang chan x female reader#chan x female reader#skz bang chan#stray kids bang chan#stray kids fanfic#skz fic#my writing#my work#skz fanfic
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prologue - is it a wonder i broke?
series masterlist
liked by arthur_leclerc, fernandoalo_oficial, maxverstappen33 and others
ines_sainz i am what i am cause you trained me. the after and before.
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user01 girl a soft launch? while we're still processing you leaving racing?
user02 the before being spain and racing and the after being monaco and no racing makes me sad.
maxverstappen33 pick up the phone! i just want to talk!
ines_sainz you know where i live. just come over? maxverstappen33 that's too far! ines_sainz get the fuck up and walk?
fernandoalo_oficial todo bien?
ines_sainz eh más o menos fernandoalo_oficial ay nena que voy a hacer contigo? user03 their father daughter bond makes me coo. it's so special to me.
user04 is the caption shade?
user05 but to who? her family? user04 i will go to war if her family forced her out of racing. user06 same, we ride at fucking dawn bitches
charles_leclerc fancy a game of goat simulator?
alex_albon OH COUNT ME IN! georgerussell63 if it's as bad as last time, count me out. ines_sainz only if i can invite my super secret friends. charles_leclerc oscar and logan are not super secret. they were around last time. arthur_leclerc and why was i not invited? ines_sainz charles said you weren't cool enough.
user07 the way she looks so sad in the after. i wanna cry for her.
user08 no cause i remember her saying, 'without racing i don't know who i am' and now i'm crying. user07 WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT BRITNEY??
user09 now where the heck is carlos? he usually drags her by now.
user10 me thinks that rumor from a few months ago was about the sainz siblings and not the leclerc brothers like everyone thought. user11 makes sense carlos would be jealous of his little sister for being better than he is. imagine helmut marko publicly saying that 'she would've been miles better than her older brother.' user09 sometimes a man's hell is a teenage girl.
*translation is included in the second set of texts
¡taglist!
@minmira95 @lesliiieeeee @vroomvroommuppett @prongsvault @justtprachisblog @scuderiadevils @cataf1 @chezmardybum @formulaal @lilsiz @norstappenvibes @ironspdy @nikfigueiredo @hinamesgigantica @niniluvsainz @matchaverse @fakeikeastore @theseus-jpg @six-call @81folklore
¡not taggable!
@ashlovestoread1411 @books-thingys-andstuff @nothanqks @yeanoskrrt @ale-522
¡leclerc-s speaks!
for now, it's a pre-established relationship, but i'll write a part later explaining how they got together (the bonus tracks). i just find it easier to do it this way for myself. the point of this fic is mostly to have them torment carlos. sometimes i forget that i like carlos. this is like the fourth fic where i make him seem like a dick. i'm sure he's a nice person but for the sake of this fic he is not. there are time when i don't like (miami 2024) him, but my problem isn't with him, it's mostly with his fans. anyways, hope you enjoy this new fic. the first bonus part should be out like sometime tomorrow or in the next two days, i want to post it before the first part.
¡disclaimer!
this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
#leclerc-s#guilty as sin series#f1 instagram au#f1 x oc#f1 oc#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1#formula one#f1 fic#formula 1 fic#f1 x female oc#charles leclerc x female oc#oscar piastri x female oc
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Ik this is sorta late depending on time zones and this ask being cheesy as hell but what would the Riddlers do for Valentine's Day with reader? Something cheesy asf? Or not celebrating it at all? I wanna know I'm curious as hell now
Valentine's Date
Riddler Headcanons gosh i rushed so fast to get this done today!! luckily, it was a blessing as work was SLOW! so here are the boys and how they would celebrate valentine's day in my mind because i am down bad for them all and live in a fantasy world where they would all try and do something nice for you 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: suggestive stuff but it's mostly fluff!!
young justice
i can almost guarantee that if you're spending valentine's day with him, it'll be the first one he's had with a partner
so he is pushing the boat out. or... as best as he can... what with the nerves
he wouldn't do something too extravagant, not too fancy or big. that would only increase the number of people he might embarrass himself in front of
he's far more keen on taking you to a quiet, unexpected but comfortable restaurant with quiet music and only a few tables, so he can talk to you and hear you properly
he'd buy you a single rose, hire the violinist to play a song by your table, your favourite tune
no dancing, he's got two left feet, but he will reach across the table and hold your hand, stroking it with his thumb and looking into your eyes
and when he takes you home, he'll walk you to your door and offer you a shy, reserved kiss
whether or not you pull him through the door by his tie and ravage the poor beast is up to you
unburied
he wouldn't actually ask you out for valentine's day
he'd give you a rant about capitalism and how it's a made up holiday and that you should keep your calendar clear anyway just in case he decides to do an ironic date
you'd think his goal was to embarrass you, in fact, because he's showing up to your house with a little remote control and blasting your favourite song out of every speaker system you own
"hey, sh... don't ask how i know your favourite song or how i got control of your devices. just... stop thinking about it. hey. hey! you're thinking about it... don't think about it, sh you're too pretty to think about it. let me think about it, i'm smarter and prettier"
dinner isn't anything too special either. takeout pizza on a rooftop in gotham somewhere. it could be romantic though, and it would be to someone desperately in love with him like you
listening to him talk about light pollution, asking if you want to hear some riddles about constellations, pointing out the various places he's hid from his enemies
it's not traditional by any means, but it is oddly romantic. dinner, music, time alone under the dulled stars. maybe that was his plan all along
gotham
oh we are going WHOLE HOG here for valentine's day!! you know he's an old romantic, a sweet and gentle soul
so don't think for a moment that you'll be seeing any other people that day, your attention will be solely focused on each other
he's sent, uh... someone has sent in some miscellaneous threat to your workplace, so luckily for you(!) you're not required to go in! SO SURPRISE!! he's here to make you breakfast
and then a brief walk down some of the quieter streets, where he might be brave enough to ask if he can hold your hand
once you're at his apartment, you're in for some respectable but tension filled cuddles on his sofa while you watch some classic romance movies
and then he's making a beautiful three course meal for you both! pressed tablecloth on his little dining table, roses in a conical flask, candles in test tubes (is he stealing these from work?)
he'll feed you little bits of food, wiping your face with a napkin, staring into your eyes dreamily
and then the night will end with a perfect and very polite kiss that you'll wish wouldn't end
telltale
he knows how to do romance, he's been around long enough. it's more a question of whether he can be bothered to celebrate
but he'll pull himself together and act the perfect gentleman for you, regardless of how tired he is after a day of committing violent/cyber crime and being oddly agile for a man in receipt of a state pension
(a fact which will come in handy at the end of the evening...)
he'll start off the evening with the traditional gifts. a box of expensive chocolates or candy, perfectly suited to your dietary requirements of course. and a bouquet of flowers. not roses, but your favourites. he knows they'll make you happier
he's not one for being out in public, what with the whole "is he dead" thing, so you'll be dining in BUT to make it special, he has hired a discreet personal chef to provide the food for the evening
slow, quiet jazz playing in the background, just you, him, and the waiters he has hired and has threatened under extreme violence to keep their mouths shut about this particular shift
could it get any more romantic??
arkham
bless his heart but this eddie is forgetting that it's valentine's day until you're handing him a card, grasping it between his dirty fingers, smudging the soft pink colour with grimy fingerprints
then, you'll endure a fifteen minute long lecture about why you should have at least had the sense to warn him in advance, or to remind him, since you know how he can be
and when he's done, he'll be pushing you out of the room, getting rid of you so he can "finish his important work" and only then can you consider "doing something for this silly holiday"
really, he's just looking for an excuse to get you away so he can work on your very last minute present without you seeing
which of course, he'll present to you as though he had been pretending to forget all along
"i made you this, it's a symbol of our relationship"
it's the remnants of a neon question mark bent into place to resemble a heart. and there's hot glue still drying on it. and a screw stuck to it
but it's the thought that counts, and the thought is there! after all he loves you enough to have lied and put aside his important welding or whatever to haphazardly craft the lie
dano
for him, valentine's day is about showing your love for someone. because you can love them every day, but this is an excuse to make a display out of it
so expect a myriad of gifts, food, perfumes, vouchers, jewellery, stuffed animals, flowers, a handmade valentine's card
enough that it makes you guilty (and enough that you wonder if he really has just been saving all his salary instead of spending it on... furniture or therapy)
then, the personalised activities! most of which involve you doing his quiz all about you and your relationship with him, solving several riddles that lead you to a hidden compartment in the wall of his bedroom (weird.) where he's stuffed his poems to you (sweet!) which he will then recite to you, stuttering over the words and blushing the whole time
but it's not enough for him, he wants to shout it from the rooftops, show the world how much he loves you and appreciates you
he's had all this love bottled up for so long with no one deserving to give it to! let's just hope it comes out in a healthy way...
btaa
he's swooping in to your apartment very late at night
"it's only 11pm, it's still valentine's day mi amorrrrr"
look, he's very sorry that he wasn't able to spend the day with you, and that he's incredibly late to the dinner you had planned
but he's a busy little criminal, he has so many things to do AND he had to do it all by himself because he gave miss tuesday the day off so she could go on a date of her own and-
oh see! you've changed your mind now, no longer grumpy, because he was actually doing something kind for someone else
he really is a generous soul, emphasised by the fact that the reason he was late was because he was pulling off a perfect heist in a jewellery store uptown
so... did you save any leftovers for him? or is he going to have to return this beautiful ring/watch/necklace he bought you?
twojar
he's a curveball, like seriously give you whiplash kind of valentine's date
you think it's going to be a very standard evening, after all there you both are in black tie best, sipping expensive champagne, him talking about himself while you try hard not to stare at his tits
but when the meal is finished, he goes to pay in secret and then rushes you out into a car with tinted windows, and it's lucky he can get you so hot and flushed and eager that quickly, since it's not long before you arrive at the next spot
a strip club
which is? i mean not a traditional valentine's day date location, but it could be very hot
and he's booked one of the private rooms for you both, so at least you won't have to hide your blushing cheeks from the rest of the guests
but it becomes very obvious that there isn't a dancer coming to entertain you, and you worry that he expects you to get up there and put on a show, which would be a disaster because you haven't planned anything and-
"happy valentine's day"
ah. of course. why would the world's most self-absorbed man think you would want anything else for valentine's day than a private strip tease from him
and he's annoyingly very right in that assumption
btas
he absolutely does the most! and the most is often cheesy and dorky and therefor a million times more precious
the kind of guy who would buy you a rose for every day he's known you, regardless of how many days he has known you
the kind of guy who gets those little personalised lego figures made of you and him, or gets a plushie of him to give to you so he'll always be near you (and you know he's putting the personalised message in if he gets it from build a bear)
he knows your favourite starter, main and dessert are all from different restaurants, so he's made the reservations at all three with plenty of time for romantic rides in the back of cabs between each stop
it's important he has plenty of time to cover your neck with kisses, and for you to tell him how adorable he is
and then, because he is the cheesiest but in the best way, it's more than likely he'd use valentine's day as an excuse to propose to you, so he's down on one knee under the cloudy gotham night sky to ask you to marry him (and you're obviously not going to say no)
zero year
he doesn't do valentine's day, what a waste of time! he's nice enough to you the rest of the year, why should there be one day where he has to do something extra fo-
oh? oh! oh ok, if it means you have to do something for him too, then he's down for it
yes... that sounds like a wonderful excuse to get up to some mischief... (it's concerning how evil his little face looks when he's supposedly considering activities for the most romantic of holidays...)
although, why bother going out somewhere on a date, it's such a waste of time and effort
he has to keep his energy for more important things, and speaking of... he can think of very few ways to spend an evening that are better than taking you into the bedroom and sharing an exchange of giving for a few solid hours
no need to wear something nice, it's only going to get stripped off
no need to get him a gift, you'll be giving him plenty
and no need to eat something, he'll make sure you don't leave hungry, trust him
#finnie writes#riddler x reader#riddler x you#riddler headcanon#ridler scenario#gotham riddler#arkham riddler#young justice riddler#dano riddler#zero year riddler#batman unburied riddler#bu riddler#telltale riddler#twojar riddler#riddler#the riddler#btaa riddler#btas riddler
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Hello, Zuko here - Zuko x Reader
Word Count: 4 919 Warnings: mentions of: burn wounds, war, death, looting Summary: Zuko attempts to join Team Avatar to teach Aang firebending A/N: Can be read as a oneshot; Part Four of the series Perfect (10 times Zuko thought you were perfect and the first time he told you) Dividers: original by @thecutestgrotto edit by me (colour only)
“Hello, Zuko here.”
He had never seen anyone draw their weapon as quickly as you in that moment. Not even Azula or any of the special divisions he had trained with as a child. Impressive. And slightly scary considering you were fully prepared to all-out attack him.
No, now was not the moment to think about his stupid little crush on you. Stupid because he had never even really had a conversation with you yet. When he had rescued the Avatar and you from Admiral Zhao, he had not talked, when he had run into you at the north pole, you had only threatened him, and when he had gone to rescue the Sky Bison, you had not exactly had a conversation either and instead focused on saving the Sky Bison, which now, with slow and surprisingly light-weight steps walked over to him.
No, no, no, he had to stop getting distracted. The reason why he had come here was far bigger, far more important than just you or him. This was about helping the Avatar save the world.
“Hey, I heard you guys flying around down there, so, I just thought I'd wait for you here,” Zuko’s eyes helplessly flickered over to you, as if he expected you to help him out. He jumped, startled, when the Sky Bison roared at him, irritated when it suddenly licked him along his whole side. The second lick was only focused on Zuko’s face, and he surprised himself with the realization, that he didn’t really mind the warm salvia that was now sticking to his skin, and only wiped it away so it wouldn’t run into his eyes or mouth. “I know you must be surprised to see me here.”
“Not really, since you've followed us all over the world.” The reply came from the Water Tribe boy.
“Right.” Zuko averted his gaze. “Well, uhhh ... anyway ... what I wanted to tell you about is that I've changed.” He looked back up, finally feeling like he was actually able to say what he had come here for. Your eyes were narrowed at him, but you seemed willing to listen, more willing than the others anyway. “And I, uhhh, I'm good now, and well I think I should join your group, oh, and I can teach Fire Bending. To you.”
The surprise at the offer was openly displayed in the Avatar’s face.
“See, I uhhh-”
“You wanna what now?” The little girl in green, probably the Earth Bender of the group, had spoken, immediately backed up by the Water Tribe girl.
“You can't possibly think that any of us would trust you, can you? I mean, how stupid do you think we are?”
“I think we should hear him out,” you interrupted, making Zuko hopefully look over to you. But unlike he had hoped your expression was not soft or gentle, only calculating. Yeah, okay, he deserved that.
“Are you crazy,” the Water Tribe boy asked. “All he’s ever done is hunt us down and try to capture Aang!”
So, the Avatar’s name was Aang?
“I've done some good things,” Zuko quickly spoke up. “I mean, I could have stolen your bison in Ba Sing Se, but I helped to set him free. That's something!”
The Sky Bison licked him again, this time over the back. He wondered how long it would take to get the salvia washed out of his clothes again. Was it even worth the time trying? Would that bison keep licking him if he got to join the group? Maybe he should just get a raincoat.
“Appa does seem to like him,” the Earth Kingdom girl pointed out.
“You didn’t exactly do a lot to help,” you accused, ignoring the girl’s comment, taking a challenging step forward. “You mostly argued with your uncle about… what was it? Honour? Destiny?”
Zuko groaned quietly, but also couldn’t pretend you were wrong; he hadn’t been exactly helpful that day.
“He probably just covered himself in honey or something,” the Water Tribe boy claimed, ignoring your words entirely. “So that Appa would lick him. I'm not buying it.”
“I can understand why you wouldn't trust me,” Zuko agreed, seeing little sense in focusing on your words. It seemed like you were the most willing to give him a chance, so he had to work on convincing the others first. “And I know I've made some mistakes in the past.”
“Like when you attacked our village,” the Water Tribe boy asked.
“Or when you stole my mother's necklace and used it to track us down and capture us,” the Water Tribe girl – was she the boy’s sister? – shouted.
“Look, I admit I've done some awful things,” Zuko lowered his head, clasping his hand in his hair. Really though, what had he been thinking that whole time? Never once questioning his own actions, only stubbornly, naively, focused on his goal to capture the Avatar. “I was wrong to try to capture you, and I'm sorry that I attacked the Water Tribe. And I never should have sent that Fire Nation assassin after you. I'm going to try and stop-”
“Wait,” the Water Tribe boy interrupted him, pulling out his boomerang. “You sent Combustion Man after us?”
Zuko looked back up, with the distinct feeling he had just somehow said the exactly wrong thing. “Well, that’s not his name, but-”
“Oh, sorry,” the boy spit sarcastically. “I didn’t mean to insult your friend!”
“He’s not my friend,” Zuko shouted angrily. Why was this conversation going so, so differently from how he had imagined it to go? Why couldn’t they see he just wanted to make up for his past mistakes and help them? They didn’t have to like or even trust him. They just had to let him teach the Avatar – Aang – whatever he knew about Fire Bending so he would stand a chance against Ozai!
“If he’s not your friend,” you asked, the anger in your eyes blazing dangerously, making Zuko take a step back. “Then tell him to back off!”
“That guy locked me and Katara in jail and tried to blow us all up,” the Earth Kingdom girl shouted.
Zuko took a deep breath before turning towards Aang.
“Why aren't you saying anything?” In the end, it came down to the Avatar’s – Aang’s – decision. Zuko was sure that if the- if Aang decided he’d accept him as a teacher, the other’s might argue, but ultimately not object to his decision. “You once said you thought we could be friends. You know I have good in me.”
Aang looked over to his friends, the Water Tribe girl staring at Zuko hostilely, the Earth Kingdom girl focusing at a point on the floor, the Water Tribe boy shaking his head and you, you still watching Zuko as if you could read his thoughts if you only tried hard enough.
“There’s no way we can trust you after everything you’ve done,” the Avatar – Aang – decided. “We’ll never let you join us.”
Somehow it felt like the fragile ground of the Air Temple was giving way underneath Zuko’s feet. After all he had done, after all the battles he had fought, all the pain and rejection and self-hatred he had lived through, not even the people he had put his last bit of hope in seemed to see any chance of redemption for him.
“You need to get out of here,” the Water Tribe girl commanded. “Now.”
“I’m trying to explain that I’m not that person anymore,” Zuko shouted desperately, trying not to let the hurt and disappointment overwhelm him, his eyes helplessly searching for yours. You were still watching him, but something in your gaze had changed. That cold, calculating glimmer was gone, instead replaced by something that almost resembled pity.
It seemed like you were taking a deep breath in, getting ready to speak up, but the Water Tribe boy interrupted you before you even opened your mouth.
“Either you leave, or we attack.” The boy took a threatening step forward, pointing his boomerang at Zuko, his sharp and deadly looking boomerang.
“If you won't accept me as a friend,” Zuko knelt down on the ground, holding his hands over his head while facing the ground, offering them his wrists to bind them, “then maybe you'll take me as a prisoner.”
It was the only thing he could think of to do. He couldn’t go back home, not after he had very clearly declared himself as his father’s enemy. He didn’t know where his uncle had gone to, after breaking out of that prison cell before Zuko had tried to free him. And if the Avatar and his friends rejected him as a new member of their group, then he had nowhere to go. He had always felt alone, from a young age on, having grown up without any other boys to play with, only his cruel sister and her friends. Then his mother had disappeared, and he had felt even lonelier. That had been before his father, his own father, had exiled him. Back then he had thought he had lost everything, never realizing just how important his uncle had been to him, how he had looked out for him like a father was supposed to. He had never appreciated his uncle, and now he was gone, too. Zuko would rather be a prisoner than walk out of here and have no place to go, nowhere to belong, nobody to go home to.
“No, we won't!” The Water Tribe girl threw a wave of water at him, throwing him backwards, where he sat up in a puddle, drenched and with the distinct feeling that there simply was no end to this endless string of rejections he had lived through all his life. “Get out of here, and don't come back!”
Zuko turned around, laying in the puddle on the floor, staring up at the group. Aang and the two Water Tribe kids were staring him down with unveiled hatred in their eyes, the Earth Kingdom girl having taken a similar stance.
Only you seemed to be uncertain. It was not hard to tell that you were torn between agreeing with your friends and giving him a chance. But if he were in your position… he wouldn’t give himself a chance either. In fact, he probably long would have agreed with the others.
“And if we ever see you again-” The Water Tribe girl seemed to try thinking of a good threat, but being unable to come up with anything, she continued: “Well, we'd better not see you again!”
Her brother took another threatening step towards Zuko, who quickly averted his gaze. Crawling backwards a bit, he slowly, carefully, got up, so they wouldn’t think he might try attacking them, before turning his back on them and walking away, each of his steps making his boots squelch from the water the girl’s attack had washed into them.
Had never felt as awkward in his life as the moment he was approaching the team around the Avatar in the ruins of the Western Air Temple. The setting sun was painting everything golden, drawing long shadows over the floors. His hands were tender from where he had caught the vine, after the Fire Nation assassin had kicked him over the ledge. Small scraps littered his palms, and he knew they would keep burning for a while.
He wasn’t disillusioned enough to hope that the Avatar would accept him into his group now, or that the Water Tribe girl might heal those scraps, as she had offered to try with his scar.
All he wanted… he just wanted them to give him a chance. He had tried to prove himself, that he was different now. That he had burnt the Earth Bender girl’s feet by accident obviously didn’t exactly speak in his favour. But still- a sense of silent pride washed over him as he looked up and found you were watching him approach with a small smile on your lips.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but-” the Avatar – Aang, his name was Aang – took a deep breath. “Thanks, Zuko.”
“Hey, what about me?” The Water Tribe boy immediately began complaining. “I did the boomerang thing.”
“Listen, I know I didn't explain myself very well yesterday,” Zuko began, hoping this time his explanation was somewhat more coherent than the previous one. He searched for your eyes, finding you were watching him expectantly. “I've been through a lot in the last few years, and it's been hard. But I'm realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honour, and that somehow my father could return it to me.” He looked over the others. Aang listening with an almost determined expression, the two water tribe members frowning at him, the Earth Bending girl sitting on a rock. “But I know now that no one can give you your honour. It's something you earn for yourself, by choosing to do what's right.” He took a deep breath. “All I want to do now is play my part in ending this war, and I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world.”
It felt like he had never meant anything as much as this. Far too long had he tried to play along to his father’s rules, far too long had he been fooled into believing that only the reign of the Fire Nation over the world could mean a peaceful world. But if he had learnt anything in the past three, almost four years, then it was that the attack of the Fire Nation on the other nations had disturbed the balance, that all nations needed to exist in peace for there to be balance. And he was ready to help restore that balance.
It felt like the thick fog clouding his mind had finally lifted. And if he wanted to help, he had to start making up for the mistakes of his past self. Turning to the Earth Bending girl, he said: “I'm sorry for what I did to you.” Placing his right fist against his left hand, he bowed to her. “It was an accident. Fire can be dangerous and wild, so as a Fire Bender, I need to be more careful and control my bending, so I don't hurt people unintentionally.”
“I think you are supposed to be my Fire Bending teacher.”
Zuko’s eyes snapped over to the- to Aang. Did he actually mean that? Was he really going to accept Zuko’s offer?
“When I first tried to learn Fire Bending,” Aang continued, even though the two Water Tribe siblings seemed shocked, “I burned Katara.” So that was the Water Bending girl’s name. Katara. “And after that, I never wanted to Fire Bend again. But now I know you understand how easy it is to hurt the people you love. I'd like you to teach me.”
Aang bowed deeply before Zuko, who had listened attentively, unable to believe the boy’s words. Were his efforts really paying off?
Quickly Zuko bowed back. “Thank you,” Zuko smiled relieved. “I’m so happy you’ve accepted me into your group.” For once in his life, he’d get to be part of a group he actually wanted to belong to, a group he was part of because he had asked to be part of, not because he had been assigned a part in it.
“Not so fast,” Aang disagreed. Maybe Zuko had let excitement and relief take over too quickly. “I still have to ask my friends if it’s okay with them.”
Oh no, that would probably not end well for Zuko. Yesterday, before he had hurt the Earth Bender, it might have been two against two, the Water Tribe siblings against you and the Earth Bender. But after he had hurt that girl, there was no way she would speak in his favour now.
“Toph,” Aang turned to the Earth Bender. Toph? Another name to add to the list. (y/n), Aang, Toph and Katara. “You're the one that Zuko burned. What do you think?”
Zuko held his breath, feeling his heart pick up speed. If she denied-
“Go ahead and let him join,” the girl answered in an almost indifferent tone. “It'll give me plenty of time to get back at him for burning my feet,” she added, pounding her fist against her palm and Zuko could only hope she’d go easy on him. She was a powerful Earth Bender after all, and there was only so much he could do against a boulder crashing down on him.
Aang nodded at the Earth Bender’s words before turning to the Water Tribe boy.
“Sokka?”
So that was the boy’s name. Now Zuko only had to memorise the names.
Sokka glared at Zuko for a moment before shrugging. “Hey, all I want is to defeat the Fire Lord. If you think this is the way to do it, then, I'm all for it.”
Zuko released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding, before his eyes moved onto the next person in the group. The Water Tribe girl.
“Katara?”
Zuko tensed up under her intense stare and he was only glad she couldn’t shoot fire from her eyes, otherwise he’d be well done by now.
“I'll go along with whatever you think is right,” she finally declared reluctantly.
“(y/n),” Aang turned to you. “What do you think? You said he tried to free Appa, but you were right about what you said earlier about his uncle.”
Zuko, who had almost dared relaxing, certain you wouldn’t object to him joining the group, froze. What had you said about him and his uncle? After he had convinced all the others that he could teach the Avatar Fire Bending, would you veto their decision?
With bated breath he turned to you. Your smile from before had disappeared entirely and instead you were chewing on your bottom lip, mustering Zuko with a gaze as cold as ice.
“You betrayed your own uncle,” you accused, watching his face carefully. “We were beginning to think we might be able to trust you and you betrayed your uncle, who accompanied you all this time. We can't know you won’t do the same to us as well.”
Zuko stared at you, horrified. The problem was you were not wrong. He had betrayed his uncle. He wanted to explain that he had clung to the stupid and naïve idea that he could go back home to his father and sister, and finally be accepted, be loved. But it felt like his tongue was as heavy as lead, making it impossible for him to speak and explain himself. But it didn’t seem like you were expecting an explanation anyway, because after a short moment you continued.
“We can’t know you won’t betray us. But I trust you won’t, so you better not let me down.” Zuko lifted his head, staring at you in disbelief. What did this mean? Did this mean you really- “Welcome to Team Avatar,” you finished.
Zuko felt like a weight was falling off his shoulders. “I won’t let you down,” he exclaimed excitedly, approaching the group. “I promise!”
Before he could reach them, they turned away, walking towards the inside of the temple, Sokka carrying Toph. You were the only one who shot him a last glance over your shoulder, and suddenly Zuko realized that this had only been the first step. He might have been accepted into the group, but he still was not a part of it. He still had to prove himself first. By all the spirits, he was tired. All this time he had done nothing but trying to prove himself, first to his father, now to the Avatar’s team. Well, he could still hold out a little longer, put in a little more work.
Zuko sat on his bed, holding the portrait of his uncle in his hands. Katara’s threat from before still echoed in his mind. The light outside had dimmed enough for the room to be covered in a mysterious twilight, blurring the lines of the simple portrait enough that if he hadn’t known Uncle Iroh’s face as well as he did, he might not have recognized it.
Was he ever going to see him again? Where was he now? And if he saw him again, would he forgive him? Zuko shook his head. There were other things to worry about right now.
He had to show the others that he was loyal to them. Whatever it took for them to believe him, he had to do it. No matter how dangerous or risky or stupid it might seem, he had to prove himself to them. And he had to find a good way to teach Aang Fire Bending. After all, that was why they had accepted him in the first place: Because he was their best chance at Aang learning Fire Bending. If he couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t earn his stay in the group.
A knock on the closed door startled him, and quickly he sat up straight.
“Yes,” he called, curious to see who had come to look for him.
Much to his delight, it was you, who poked her head into his spacious room. A smile pulled at his lips, and Zuko realized having joined the Avatar had the previously unconsidered advantage that he’d get to see you now every day.
Zuko’s happiness was only short lived though, because a moment later he remembered your words from before, how you had reminded everybody, how you had reminded him – of his betrayal of his uncle. You were not the person he had begun imagining throughout all these nights in which he had felt so lonely and desperate for the faintest slither of approval and sympathy.
You were a young girl who had joined the Avatar, for whatever reason, and spent the past months fearlessly facing off against the most capable Fire Benders and the biggest army in the world, determined to defend your friends. You were so much more than whatever he had conjured up for his own comfort.
Your brows furrowed as you watched his smile fall, tilting your head at him.
“You okay,” you asked, making Zuko flinch.
“Yeah,” he quickly answered, “I’m fine, what’s up.”
“Dinner’s almost ready,” you let him know, clearly not believing his answer. Considering he had lived undercover as Lee from his uncle’s tea shop, he was still a surprisingly bad liar. “But… I wanted to talk to you before that. Can I come in?”
A mixture of excitement and anxiety settled in Zuko’s stomach, but he nodded, jumping up from his bed to invite you in.
“What did you want to talk about,” he asked, hoping he wasn’t digging his own grave.
“Just-” you shrugged, stepping into the room and closing the door behind you. “I know I was pretty hard on you earlier. You saved our lives out there. I shouldn’t have brought your uncle back up.”
“You had every right to,” Zuko denied. “I know you are taking a risk by giving me a chance. For all you know, I could just send a messenger hawk and give your location away to my father.”
“Will you?”
Zuko stared at you for a moment. Did you really think he would do that?
“No,” he answered incredulously. “I told you: I’m with you now. I want to help the Avatar bring down my father and end this war, so the world can shift back into balance.”
You shrugged. “I got no choice but to believe you.”
“That’s not true,” Zuko disagreed. “You could have said you don’t trust me. Earlier, you could have told the others you don’t want me in your group.”
“And send away the best chance we have, to teach Aang Fire Bending? I don’t think so. Besides,” you sighed and leant against the wall by the door, “I believe you. That you want this war to end, I mean.”
“Why?”
You shrugged, taking in Zuko’s form as he was helplessly standing in the middle of the room. “There’s something different about you. Makes me want to give you a chance.”
Zuko nodded, watching as you absentmindedly reached for the fire pendant on the leather strap around your neck. He had seen you wear it before, that time he had gotten you out of Zhao’s prison.
“Are you Fire Nation,” he asked before he had even thought his question through.
“What makes you say that,” you asked back, almost defensively now.
“The pendant,” he explained. “You wore it when I got you and the Avatar out of Zhao’s prison.”
“His name’s Aang.”
“What?”
“The Avatar’s name. It’s Aang,” you repeated.
“Oh, yeah. I know.”
“Then use it. But you’re right. I’m Fire Nation,” you answered. “Or at least I was born as Fire Nation. My family moved to one of the new colonies when I was very little, but my dad died shortly after.”
“I’m sorry,” Zuko mumbled. He knew what it was like to lose a parent.
“It was awful,” you agreed. “He got very sick, and there was nothing the doctors could do. A while after, my mum remarried, a man from the Earth Kingdom, and we moved away from the colony. We had to hide we were Fire Nation, but we were happy. At least until my brother died. He died in the war. He stayed behind in Yu Dao and joined the Fire Nation army.”
Zuko watched how you tensed up, your hand tightly closed around the pendent now. “He gave me this,” you added, lifting your fist. “It’s the only thing I have left of my family. And he died for nothing.”
“Don’t say that,” Zuko disagreed. “I’m sure that through his sacrifice he saved others. It’s little comfort but-”
“No,” you shook your head. “His whole unit got wiped out. The whole 41rst.”
Zuko froze. The 41rst? The unit he had tried to speak up for in his father’s war council? The unit he had tried to protect and been sent to an Agni Kai for, been exiled for? He wanted to tell you, wanted to tell you that he had tried to speak up against the unit’s sacrifice, but he kept the knowledge to himself. It made no difference whether you knew or not. And even if you would believe him, it was too early to share this fact with you. Instead, he just swallowed thickly.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“You weren’t the one slaughtering him, were you,” you asked, shaking your head with a sigh. “It only got worse after that. Last year the Fire Nation attacked out village. I was in the forest, so I wasn’t there when they burnt down the house. They killed both my mother and my stepfather. I don’t know what happened to my sister.”
“You have a sister?”
“Have, had, I don’t know. She might be dead for all I know. If she’s not, she’s probably with the Fire Nation now. She’s my half-sister. If she’s alive, she’d be six now.”
“Why did the Fire Nation attack your village,” Zuko asked, trying not to picture what the Fire Nation would do to the children of the enemy.
“I think they were just claiming new territory. They never cared how many people they had to kill in order to advance with their plan to take over the world.”
Zuko lowered his head. He had been so oblivious all these years, never caring about anybody other than himself, refusing to see the destruction his father’s plans rained on the world.
“You’ve been through a lot,” he admitted, lifting his head again to look at you. Your hair was falling down past your shoulders, unbound now and reflecting the blue light of the evening. You looked eternal in the twilight, and even though pain was swimming in your eyes, Zuko could also see the strength it had taken you to keep fighting all the time. He admired your resilience, he admired you. You were perfect in his eyes, strong and still gentle, hurt so many times but never bitter, a fighter, who after all the evil you had seen still believed in the good in people. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have given him a chance.
“We all have been through a lot,” you replied. “You too, you said so yourself.”
Zuko nodded. “But it feels like all the bad things in my life were something I caused myself. Your family has been a playball of my father’s.”
“I don’t believe that you are to blame for all the bad things that happened to you,” you disagreed. “You – just like all of us – are just a product of the adults who raised you. And-”
You got interrupted by a voice shouting for you.
“Dinner’s ready!”
“That’s Sokka,” you concluded. “Let’s go, before he and Aang finish everything before we even get a chance.” You pushed away from the wall and opened the door before turning to Zuko again. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself,” you told him. “And don’t focus too much on the past. There’s nothing you can change about it now. Help us change the future instead.”
And with those words you slipped out of the room, leaving Zuko wondering whether his uncle’s spirit had possessed you there for a moment before he quickly hurried after you, looking forward to whatever there would be served for dinner.
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As someone who's been into kpop for over 10 years, I just wanted to comment on the saesang ask. Saesangs aren't in their right mind, most of them are deeply obsessed with the person they are stalking and also have an element of desiring control over the person/wanting to feel closer than other fans. Most of them don't aim to air out an idol's private life, unless they get pissed off i.e. find out the idol is dating and feel like a jilted lover for example, so they lash out and leak private info. Most of them either have a mother or lover complex (for male idol saesangs) and want to control them. Their goal isn't to leak info, but to feel close and special to the idol.
There are some saesangs who do it for money by selling info about idols. BTS is so famous now that this isn't really viable because other than really really gullible people, most people realize that anyone could make stuff up about bts and call it "insider info". They're so big, it also makes more sense to go to Dispatch or something like that with "real info" to get top media dollar than sell to random fans. Even former saesangs say you'd have to be an idiot to buy bts "info" nowadays because its all going to be bullshit.
I want to be clear that any "legit" saesang rumor comes from idols having their personal life invaded without consent. I'm not saying their is a rumor about jikook out there, but even if there was, no one who actually gives any amount of fuck about them (especially korean fans who have a history of gatekeeping stuff that could harm the boys) as human beings would spread it, because it'd basically be outing them because actual saesangs have a terrifying amount of knowledge and connection to these idol's inner lives. I wanna be very careful how I say this, but for example there were group chat messages from an infamous saesang that got leaked years ago that in my opinion, implied some things about a kpop idol that had no right being implied publicly without their consent. You might wonder, well what about antis who hear the rumor, won't they spread it? But once again, most saesangs aren't looking to spread info about the idol they're stalking, and even if they do, a lot of them seem to mostly engage with other saesangs of the group their idol is in because they are, in some messed up obsessive unhealthy way, still a "fan" of the idol. So unless the groupchat gets pissed and someone leaks it or the saesang feels jilted by the idol they stalk, most of that stuff stays there.
Now in regards to jikook, the obvious reality is that they're bandmates. There's nothing crazy about them hanging out or being seen together. They even tell us themselves how much time they spend together privately at times. They aren't going to makeout in public, so what would a saesang say anyway even if they wanted to reveal stuff about them (which as I stated before, most of them don't aim to do anyway)? They saw them together? So what? Also as you @jeonscatalyst said, these people aren't god, just stalkers. Even they have limits and all saesangs aren't equal in terms of access to their idol, opportunities, etc. that allow them to get "info".
Also, pretty much all the "rumors" we hear about jikook even in heterosexual relationships don't come from saesangs, its just made up shit from random korean forums (this is actually the case for a lot of kpop rumors, not just related to jikoook or bts). This isn't to say jikook is real or something, but that we actually don't hear from "actual" saesangs as much as people like to pretend. I think i-fans of kpop think that term comes with authority because it implies a closeness to the idol from being a stalker (which is fucked up because why are we putting stalkers on a pedestal but I digress), so they kind of slap it on any rumor, but that's really not the case, especially for a group as famous as bts. You think if someone wants to make money off a rumor about them or aims to leak private info to take them down, they're going to sell it or share it into the fandom? No, they'd take it straight to the media or competing k-pop companies who would pay top dollar and be frothing at the mouth to take down the biggest kpop group in history. Basically, even if a saesang does want to spread something, its not coming to us in the form of fandom rumor. And since this is a jikook blog, let's pretend a saesang thinks jikook are a thing and for one reason or another, decides to share that info. How does spreading that info even work? What media company is going to not only out someone, but also risk looking like an actual buffoon for thinking two group members are together? The group aspect of bts gives plausible deniability for everything up until actual romantic/sexual physical contact pretty much, something which a saesang is never going to get evidence of unless they figure out how to become the actual wallpaper inside jikook's apartments. Even if they spread it though the fandom, fans will just look at them like a shipper. Like "aww you have a pic of them out at a restaurant? how cute! #jikookarethebestbros". I think it can't be overstated how much them being in the same group and shipping culture (+ homophobia) aid in downplaying any possibility of an actual romantic relationship being there.
Also just a sidenote, but saesangs are just extremely disturbed fans, they can be y/n's (most of them are), they can be homophobic, etc. Jungkook has some of most y/n fans of any top male kpop idol. Do I think its beyond a saesang to see their fave idol in a same-sex relationship and think "I can fix him (make him straight)?" Not at all. Do I think it would be above them to start seeing the other member/partner as "the other woman" and start hating them or blaming them for tainting their beloved idol? Not at all. In this scenario, I doubt they'd want to spread this info they think is "shameful" about their fave idol, they would just think he needs "fixed" or pulled away from the person "contaminating" him.
Anyway, I have spent waaaay to long in the kpop fandom, even pre-bts (when saesangs almost seemed worse back then) and this is the general consensus I have garnered about why saesangs are the way they are.
Thanks anon, for your very insightful input💜
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interview_3aC
I got into piloting during the Third Generation. For the historically illiterate, that’s before the breakpoint, not after. Summer Offensive, Chelsk Offensive, ‘81, ‘82… All that shit.
When you say pilot now, people get a certain mental image. It wasn’t like that, back then; end of the day, a G3 frame is basically just another kind of tank. Hot like hell inside and full analogue control. You had to think five, six, seven seconds ahead sometimes, because that’s how long it’d take you to string together the inputs for what you were doing next.
I was good. I mean, I’m good at my job now, sure, but… you should’ve fuckin’ seen me then.
... Anyway. Long and short of it is, I got unlucky. Everyone does, sooner or later. Coterie railcannon caved in part of my cockpit, crushed my leg to dogmeat, and that was that. A few years later, they’d have amputated, plugged in a spare, and sent me back in, but this was ‘83, the tech wasn’t there yet. We were hearing about it, you know, shit on the grapevine about the brain-machine barrier, weird tests underground out in Lysk, but I don’t think any of us really believed in it.
I wanna say I knew what was coming, but I didn’t. Nobody did.
So. Cockpit breach. Fucked leg. They did a lot of work, got it to where I could walk on a good day, but it was obvious I wasn’t gonna cut it any more. Took my pension, checked out, spent eight years in the worst dyke bars I could find. Don’t really wanna talk about that part. That’s not what you’re here for, anyway.
So I’m a few years down the line, losing my mind somewhere in Sengrade, and I get a call. It’s this guy I used to know, I never really nailed down what he did, Information maybe, and he’s telling me about this program they’re spinning up over in Lysk, and sure that rings some alarm bells but what am I gonna do, say no? I don’t even need to hear the specifics, he’s trying to tell me it’s the next big jump in frame tech, it’s gonna win us the war, whatever, I’m already halfway onto a train.
The job turned out to be the Fifth Generation. Not only was the brain-machine barrier real, but they’d smashed clean through it. I said a G3 is basically a tank, right? So I was expecting an iteration on the form. Sharper, sleeker sure, but at the end of the day just a prettier-looking tank.
Well, I was dead fuckin’ wrong. Seeing something that size move that way, it’s… I don’t think I can put it into words. Go find a poet or something. Ask them what they think about Gen 5.
… Didn’t come for free, of course. The neural throughput on a machine that size will cook an unprepared brain like a fuckin’ egg. You need to be dosed to the gills on a whole cocktail of ten-syllable shit to take it for more than a few minutes, and the drugs make you weird. Horny, mostly - I’m sure you’ve heard about that - but you’re also looking at impaired impulse control, difficulty with long-term thinking, emotional disregulation, mania… Plus, there’s something in the cocktail or the link or both that is bastard habit-forming. You see them counting the hours between sorties. They adjust to the hyperstimulation, get calibrated to it, and then everything else is just too god-damn quiet.
Think maybe it’s carcinogenic, actually, but you didn’t hear that from me.
So, yeah. Weird. Command doesn’t want weird operating superweaponry. Weird doesn’t make sound tactical decisions. Which means all the shit that makes somebody a functioning soldier - the long-term decision making, the impulse control, the ability to give a fuck about the rules of engagement - it had to be outsourced.
The term they used at first was “special consultant”. Then “special consulting officer”, once we hit field testing. It wasn’t “handler” until later.
The first crop of us - I’m just gonna say handlers, I know how you’re gonna wanna spin this, I get it - were all ex-pilots. G3, mostly; Gen 4 didn’t leave a lot of material to work with. I guess the idea was we were the closest you could get to a G5 candidate’s frame of reference, but it was pretty clear within the first few months that that was bullshit. Some of us took to it, some of us washed out. A lot couldn’t take the wetwork, which I guess I can sympathise with.
Me, I handled it fine. Better than I should’ve, maybe. Being a tanker didn’t do shit for me, but my dad, he was a dog trainer, and… Yeah, well, you get the idea.
… No, no. The other kind of wetwork. You know what I mean.
…
The leg? Ha. Yeah, they offered me a prosthetic. ‘Course they did. But, call me a hypocrite, whatever you want - by that point I was six months in and I knew with total fuckin’ certainty I didn’t want the link. I spend enough of my time helping the military put their shit into peoples’ bodies, you know? I don’t want it walking home with me.
… No, I don’t understand why they keep signing up. Early days, sure, nobody knew what it did to you back then, but there’s been leaks, people’ve talked - hell, I’m talking right now. You can find our burnouts in any dive in the country, or what's fuckin' left of them. The candidates now, they know what we do to people here, and they just keep coming, and coming…
Though, you know… I think sometimes about the first time I saw a Gen 5 machine take off, that first day on the program. The way it moved against the blue-black of the sky, like it weighed nothing at all. And I almost get it.
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I can understand how Shuro may be a frustrating character to some folks - in fact that is kinda what he is there for, narratively speaking. But it really gives me ick when people just wanna shit on him for "being awful/the worst/an asshole"
The way I see it, the dude is his own different flavor of Autism- repressed, conditioned, awkward, and forced to participate in high society, not to mention the culture clash - and he sees laios just being his own weirdo self and he hates it --- no, thats not it. I honestly don't think he hates laios; i truly believe he hates that Laios gets to be TRUE to himself, and he (shuro) Doesn't get to be.
And it's a feeling I can understand and sympathize and empathize with, as I have been on my own personal journey to try and un-mask and deconstruct and heal myself in a world that has made me feel broken my entire life
People scream "hypocrisy" as shuro sees the same traits between the touden siblings, and is attracted to one whilst hating the other - and yes, I can agree that it's a bit hypocritical, but yall are taking it at face value and not understanding where his feelings are coming from. Shuro doesn't hate laios because he has a special interest, shuro hates that his whole life, he has had to squash himself into a form-fitting box, behave as his family commands, and now he sees laios being free of expectation, just out here being a weirdo, and shuro is possibly feeling that frustrated grief that comes with the late diagnosed autistic situation of "I could have been happy, too, but no, *I* had to be the responsible one"
... at least, that's how I view it. Coz I myself have had those thoughts. And I know, it's NOT a good look for me to be out here admitting that I have felt this way, like for example, maybe I see someone else's struggle with anxiety, whether it's online or in real life, and I have this bitter thought to myself of "yeah, I have anxiety too, but *I* was still forced to be a responsible adult anyway" which makes me momentarily frustrated.
And before anyone jumps my ass about it, NO, I definitely DO NOT think that "if I had to suffer thru it, so should everyone else" that's NOT what I'm saying. But I AM saying that, there is a bitterness, when u see someone who is able to avoid a struggle that you had to endure - that bitterness is NOT thinking that everyone should suffer as I did, but me being bitter that *I had to* at all.
Does that make sense? Coz I really feel like Shuro just gets shit on because people think he's there to interrupt the Yuri and be mean to Laois, and I really feel that he's a whole ass person. And a somewhat melancholic one, at that. He makes me think of how I had to grow up Christian whilst being queer and undiagnosed Audhd my entire life, and I would be very very surprised to hear that a large chunk of dunmeshi fans didn't ALSO grow up this way, feeling broken and stupid and tired, forced to do things the "normal people" way, and then NOT understand how Shuro feels when he sees someone who is in a position to be mostly free of that...
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