#anyway i love this funny comedy show!!
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Stede cannot escape his crushing guilt
In rewatching ep 1, there are two blatant examples of how pervasive Stede's guilt is that actually really hit me hard despite them mostly being played for laughs:
"I knew you'd find me, babe" "You're not mad?" "I knew you'd find me, love" "So, we're good? About everything?" "Fuckin' love the beard, mate." Even in Stede's dreams, Ed does not confirm that everything is alright between them. I'm starting to think the dream sequence is actually a nightmare sequence because he gets confronted by his fears by not only Izzy throwing it in his face that Stede left Ed of his own volition, but Ed steadfastly refusing to answer Stede's questions about their relationship being okay. Also, the way he called out to Ed with tears in his eyes and the look of pure desperation and agony on his face as they're rolling around in the sand after they collide really drove home how much Stede is struggling with the weight of his separation from Ed on a subconscious level.
Later, we get the scene of Stede talking to Ed's wanted poster. The fact that, once again, in Stede's own imagination Ed is not refuting Stede's fears but is rather confirming them in the case of him revealing he's worried Ed's life is better without him in it and Stede responding "could be…could be mate" in "Ed's" voice is actually really truly genuinely tragic and heartbreaking when you think about it ! :) Stede is struggling so hard to cope with his shame over how his actions have affected Ed, he won't even allow himself to be forgiven in his own imagination even though that's clearly what he's hoping will happen. He just might not believe that he deserves it.
#ofmd#our flag means death#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers#edward teach#stede bonnet#anyway i love this funny comedy show!!
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#the duality of gay marriage
The Untamed 1.36 || Interview with the Vampire 1.01
#The Untamed#theuntamededit#陈情令#Wei Wuxian#Lan Wangji#wangxian#wangxianedit#OTP: as long as the sea is bound to wash up on the sand and stars are above you; we will meet again.#Interview with the Vampire#amc iwtv#iwtvedit#Louis de Pointe du Lac#Lestat de Lioncourt#loustat#OTP: I didn't realize it was a gift#cinemapix#otpsource#tvarchive#tvgifs#Rachel's edit tag#also the untamed scene invented comedy askjdhfkjfhgdfkjghdkjf. literally might be my fave moment from the whole show it's so fucking funny#like wwx's reaction to the chickens had me SCREAMING. and the thumbs up LAKSHDJJSKDFHDSKJFGHDFG. *chefs kiss*#anyway. am I insane or do ppl see what I'm getting at#will do another set of the untamed scene bc I had to cut some stuff and I love that scene too much lmao
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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Spirit: When I graduated high school you were only 13 isn't that weird
Wars: Can yuo put that out on me
Based off that one chapter lmao
LMAO DAMN OKAY YOU ARE VERY CORRECT ABOUT THIS ONE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING THIS VISION INTO THE WORLD IT WILL PLAGUE MY EVERY WAKING THOUGHT FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT WEEK BUT PROBABLY MORE 💛💛💛💛
#first off this joke is very funny and i love the fact that you maintained the typo#second i love how you drew spirit. the scar is incredible and the popped collar on the shirt gives off just the right vibes#i really should have more jokes in story about how spirit is technically older than warriors by virtue of being from earlier in history#fun fact: I played around with Spirit being a different age from warriors in his return to the plot to mirror how time's age was weird#having spirit be older than time (absolute mess of a grown ass adult) or a spirit still in his teens (barely got to be home before returnin#both offered a different way to play with the three brothers dynamic but I settled on Spirit matching Warriors in age to better show#how their post-war experiences differed. themes and such#anyway thank you so much for sharing!!! this is very funny and I will be giggling about this forever#me rambling#lu ctb#ask#blindbrilliance#ctb art#lu call them brothers#ctb fw#ctb spoilers#ctb is a comedy#<- earned that tag lol
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Saw james acaster tonight!! Second row seat! It was the closest ive ever sat to a stage and i see why ppl pay more for it cos it was exhilarating like he was in my phone and then he was there! within reach! I think this is the first time ive been properly starstruck bc ive never been that close to a person i watched on my phone before i could see the textures of his skin and creases in his clothes and it was a small theatre so it felt like he was looking out and make eye contact a few times even tho he almost definitely couldnt see the crowd with the lights and everything. Hes also taller than i thought he would be. Anyway he was amazing straight to the top of my power ranking of stand up acts ive seen live. Hes just so so so good at what he does he talks about hating doing stand up but its like bro u cannot quit this is literally ur calling. The show is called hecklers welcome and he did crowd work for literally half the show not even sure if it was planned?? Cos he started a story and never finished it bc he got sidetracked but hes so good that maybe that was also intentional idk. All the crowd work wouldve annoyed me if it was anyone else but it just seemed effortless for him idk. He made the unfunny heckles funny and it was so evident why hes the professional. Hes a guy whos already talented AND really studies and understands comedy AND i like his type of comedy 10/10 i had high hopes walking in and he did not disappoint
#i love seeing ppl do what they are good at. in any profession really#men who are funny are like the pinnacle of attractiveness to me. its sense of humour above all else it doesnt even matter#that hes british and wearing matching green sweatpants and sweater i was like love w him for those 2 hours.#which btw is also the longest comedy show ive seen he even had an intermission where he changed into a pink sweatpants/sweater outfit#anyway im so happy i got to see him at least once hes like the wayv of standup comedy to me (my favourite)#james acaster#sidney talks shit
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Now why would my dad, this cishet construction worker pushing 60 who spend his life watching only action movies and the occasional comedy movie, suddenly got VERY into mostly romantic K-dramas ??
#the sudden shift in his interest in media is so funny to witness#I've watched a bunch with him. so far:#the one where the main guy is italian. vicenzo? it was hilarious but why did they spend an entire ep dedidacted to homophobia#sweet home. first season excellent the other two. well. no comments#ummm what else. my fav ones were extraordinary attorney woo the writing was soso good and accurate rep of autistic ppl#according to what I've read from autistic people who watched it#also the glory!!!! that one was also crazy good i loved how her revenge was never framed as a bad thing#OH and another one i loved was the kingdom. the final episodes all being a long zombie fighting sequence and the prince and his people being#progressively caked with blood. poetic cinema etc etc#uhh i also watched a short romance one with him I can't recall very well. kind of mystical? about a sorcerer that had like. a shop or smth#two more period pieces: mr queen which was also excellent!! it surprised me bc i thought it'd be comedy only? the genuine gayness of it all!#and v well written as well! a modern guy who was a misogynist echanges bodies with a queen of the past and he not only learns to what's like#to be a woman but also realizes he's bi as he falls for the king? and cries when he goes back to the future bc they broke apart??#who did it like them!!! mr queen tv show your gay subtext was too strong they had to kill you!!!#I'm currently watching the king's affection which is also like pretty gay? we'll see#anyways back to my dad i was like oh (abt the king's affection) this is a period piece right? looks interesting and he was like actually#*puffes chest* it's set in the joseon era 😌 he was SO proud of correcting me sjsjsjd#nacido para ser kpoper condenado a ser un hombre cishet maquinista de grua de casi 60#woa this post got. long lmao#z
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ok maybe it's just because it's almost 3am and i went down a rabbit hole of trying to track down veggietales-related things i only very very vaguely remember from when i was a toddler but why the fuck does this song from the goddamn veggietales jonah movie soundtrack slap so much?????? like yes obviously it's nostalgia but that fucking hook "iiiii'm sleeping with fishes here / iiiiii'm highly nutritious here" has no right to go as hard as it does it's making me insane
youtube
#went down a veggietales rabbit hole thanks to a video that was like ''revisiting and ranking veggietales episodes as a non-christian adult''#and i love videos like that bc veggietales was my shit as a kid lmao i wasn't even really raised christian i just loved that show#and i genuinely think it's the very first comedy i was obsessed with at like 2 years old#and say what you will about the religious aspect but a LOT of the comedy from the veggietales golden age holds up#(it's funny how i was never invested in the christian aspects of veggietales as a kid but it's what got me into comedy#and then i grew up to be an adult whose relationship to comedy is what other people might think of like religion)#anyway there's still one veggietales thing i vividly remember but can't find bc i don't remember any key words to search it with#i remember there were a bunch of music videos on the jonah special features. one of them was this one#but there was another one possibly by the same band where the visuals had like balloons of different animals floating upward#i think one of them was a pink elephant???#the lead singer was bald i remember that too#but again this is like the kind of flash-of-barely-a-memory you get from trying to remember being two years old#Youtube
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TED LASSO EMMY LOSER 🎉🎉🎉
#exactly what this dogshit season deserved#im mixed about the bear winning so much bc its very much a comedy/drama thats very heavily drama#like i love ebon winning richie is one of the funniest characters but u know its for like episode 7. which is my favorite episode but#not so much comedy#and i wish comedy actor categories were based on COMEDIC PERFORMANCES not just 'theyre in a funny show'#'but did a really good job doing Serious Acting in the funny show'#succession and the bear are at a very similar level of comedy. or i guess funniness lmao. to me.#succession definitely has higher stakes drama and stronger dramatic performances but like.#i wouldnt be interested in it if it didnt make me laugh#(thats just my personal taste im not saying it wouldnt be good if it wasnt funny im saying id never have even tried watching it)#but anyway one is an hour and one is a half hour so here we are#literally im sitting here like the white lotus is a drama??? more than a comedy?? i havent watched it yet so i cant compare but#once i do i will have opinions#anyway all this to say ted lasso IS primarily comedy compared to many of the winners and the nominees were giving comedic performances#however it sucked so bad.
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😂
#my mom is trying to get me to try out for the college's last theatre thing for this season#which is 1) comedy#which it's been established already that I cannot do bc I have zero poker face#and 2) it's being directed by. THE Theatre Boy#I guess the theatre professor was like lol you're leaving for all summer and possibly forever? not before you do this!!!#which is hilarious. he literally just put the most calm and put-together person in his entire class in charge of an improv comedy show#anyway. I will not be auditioning however I will be going to see it. I might offer my help with whatever they need but yeah#LOVE how my mom immediately goes HEY ARE YOU TRYING OUT?? and I'm like NO. WAIT UNTIL THEY DO THEIR SERIOUS PLAY IN THE FALL.#I don't have the capacity for comedy. no composure. I break at the slightest sign of something funny.#love to be an observer though#maybe dnd will make me better at this aksksjsjsjfnakfnakfnak
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Would I Lie To You Australia is an incredibly entertaining panel show that I would like the panel show fandom on tumblr to know about.
#would i lie to you#would i lie to you australia#charlie pickering#frank woodley#em rusciano#chrissie swan#comedy#panel show#i was scared it wouldn't be good but this show has been so entertaining#it's on channel 10 which is the same as taskmaster australia#and i've only watched full episodes of season 2 which is the one with charlie pickering instead of chris taylor#but ngl i love him so much#and frank is so naturally quick and funny#anyway i recommend everyone watch it if they can find it#charliegifs#wilty#wilty au#wilty australia#would i lie to you au
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my snap memories r so funny. sorry to the ppl who care abt snap score and streaks or whatever i use snap for myself and myself only.. and also to complain!
#i have thoughts i need to say and so i make a snap and save it for me to look back on later#but bro im literally so real and funny.#‘i love whne bitches self sabotage like join the club i hope u never recover’ combined with me posing in the dark??? comedy at its finest#i have a pic of me eating a mango like an animal captioned ‘sucking this mango dry to deal with the stressful day i’ve had’#and a vid of me singing reindeers r better than ppl and going no one knows more abt frozen than i do#i am so insane id love to explore my brain from a third person perspective#anyway those r a few of the hundreds of snaps of my random thoughts i have. sucks that i’m never ever gonna show anyone this bc it’s private#<333#the burden of being crazy insane with no one to talk to 💔
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I may have gotten Josh’s tattoo, too. 😅😂❤️
[ID: Five screencaps from Taskmaster. Josh Widdicombe says, “I thought you’d worry that I’d forget you after this, so… I’ve got a tattoo.” He shows a photo of his bare foot with “GREG” tattooed on it, and the audience gasps and laughs. Greg Davies is astonished, laughing and covering his face with both hands as the audience cheers and applauds. End ID.]
#taskmaster#taskmaster series 1#greg davies#josh widdicombe#alex horne#I am just so incredibly in love with this show#if you’ve never seen it#do yourself a favor and go watch an episode or two#it is genuinely the funniest ‘game show’ I’ve ever seen#the stakes are low#the comedy is high#the contestants are constantly like wtf why are you asking me to make a Swedish person blush#the point system is entirely at the whim of Greg#therefore there really ISN’T a points system 😂#it’s delightfully arbitrary#which makes it SO FUNNY#and so infuriating for the contestants 🤣🤣🤣🤣#I told my mom I was getting the Greg tattoo and she was like …are u sure u want that on your body forever#YES I SURE AM#TYVM Loretta#i already had a giant criminal minds tramp stamp by that point#so like#commitment to the bit has never been something I struggled with 😂#my body is not a temple#my body is just one big shitposting opportunity#getting a little ‘Greg’ on my foot is nothing compared to having HOTCH’S HEAUX right above my butt 😅😂😂😂😂😂#anyway go watch taskmaster#you will not regret it!!!!!
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end of episode 6 summary of the player. everyone's a bitch and i love them <3
#the extremely convoluted web of people seducing other people to break up one (1) specific relationship for their own gain#is both VERY funny (only gets funnier with every added layer of cheating) and SO present i keep forgetting this is a missing person case#the player#*#the player the series#anyway. i'm in love with the way jojo shows reliably blend high drama mess (and/or comedy)#with social commentary that's about as subtle as a punch to the face.#the show goes 'society is set up in a way that's incredibly hostile to poor people' & 'sex workers do a real job and deserve your respect'#& 'yes we have a character who cheats and is bisexual but that DOES NOT MEAN those two things are linked. he's just an ass'#and i'm sitting here like so true king. thank you for making the entire show screech to a halt for a second to deliver this message
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I feel really bad for folks who grew up without their parents showing them classic films and shows tbh. Like. There’s so much good stuff out there that remains timeless that remains relevant to this day that is still fundamentally good, but nobody wants to show their kids these things because they’re old and because they’re not current and “oh maybe they wouldn’t get it because they’re kids” but really they’re shooting them culturally in the foot because when you only grow up with the new stuff that’s all you recognize as legitimate pathos, even though that pathos from a creative perspective is deeply flawed and rooted in sale rather than story telling. And then you end up in a class with me watching the old shit and have no idea what to make of it. And I will pity the fact that I DID watch these things growing up and that I had a cursory knowledge of some of them because it’s so much more enriching than watching whatever their parents thought was “good for children” and then they never got a chance to grow out of that. It’s just straight up sad.
#and this is how I get opinions like ‘monty python isn’t that funny’ and ‘charlie chaplin is very dated’ in this class#sorry just woke up and I am suffering#like literally a student in another class yesterday really said ‘I have a hard time sitting through old movies sometimes’????#and they are a film major#someone also said that the first spongebob movie was their favorite comedy and it made me wanna kms#anyway childhood multigenerational media exposure is important#I watched the marx brothers and loved it at the ripe old age of babie and I benefitted from it so much#but also I am 8 years older than all of these bitches and it fucking shows
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also having now actually seen the whole thing adventure time has skyrocketed into one of my favorite shows ever. like for real i liked it as a kid and have always had a fondness for it ever since but rewatching it now has made me realize Just how fucking good it is and how unlike anything else it is. its so good and appeals to ME specifically in so many ways please for the love of god if you haven't watched adventure time WATCH IT. WATCH IT RIGHT NOW
#ALSO. i think i may have mentioned this before but i really do think AT has one of the best senses of worldbuilding and continuity#i've seen in a cartoon. other than like steven universe maybe (gee i wonder how that happened)#but seriously like the fact that its able to be so goofy and weird a lot of the time while still constantly keeping in mind all these thing#and having them inform the story and world in realistic ways is so good it has really blown my mind#nothing is ever retconned nothing is ever forgotten about. even the seemingly most meaningless things will still be remembered#and referenced by the characters because thats how people are!! they dont just have stuff happen to and around them and then never#bring it up again!! but they also dont constantly go ''remember when we did xyz?'' stuff just comes up naturally if it makes sense#for it to do so. and i think thats so fucking incredible and admirable#AT's flavor of weirdness and comedy and raw emotion is something so wonderful and perfectly aligned with how i like my stories#and it really does have a vibe that is unlike anything else. i am going to cry thinking about it#like the closest thing i can think of. and lord forgive me but im being genuine in terms of vibes closest thing i can think of that#i've experienced at least is dsmp. in the way that there are things that are so fucking dumb and strange and things that are so gut#wrenchingly emotional and beautiful and simple and often those things are intertwined. its stupid and weird and funny and sad#its silly its dark its fun its tragic#something about both of them just feels like a representation of the human spirit in its purest form to me. they impact me the most#because they represent all sides and experiences of existing#idk. but ive always felt like this even before i got into AT again. i said a while ago if dsmp was made into a show it would HAVE to#be an adventure time style cartoon. and every time i see fanart drawn in the AT style or whatever it makes me so happy even now#ANYWAYS. sorry to derail but i really have missed the vibes of the dsmp and in a weird way AT felt a lot similar and i really love that#FUCKKKK not me getting emotional over the indominable human spirit. im gonna go saw my legs off BYE I LOVE ADVENTURE TIME#serena.txt
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just a taste
18+. mdni. smut. kinda perv!eddie x fem!reader. he is a lil freaky in this i'll admit.
a/n: i just love the idea of the citrus six all living together lol idk i think it’s so nice also i have never watched cheers i just googled 1991 american tv shows and picked one at random LMAO ++ for the movie, i thought it’d be a nice lil easter egg for them to watch something with winona in:,)
✧・゚: ✧・゚:
eddie doesn’t know who you are or why you’re coming to visit or why exactly it was him that was being made to vacate his room for the two weeks that you were here.
“c’mon eddie,” robin pleads, nay, demands, “you sleep on the couch most nights anyway, what’s the difference?”
“uh, maybe because it’s my room? i don’t want some random girl in there touching my stuff,” almost flabbergasted that she’s even asking.
“she’s not a random girl,” robin frowns, “she’s my friend and she needs somewhere to stay.”
“tell her there’s a great hotel in town,” rolling his eyes, trying to leave the conversation before she breaks out the puppy dog eyes. "i'll even give her a ride if you ask nicely," no longer interested in entertaining this conversation.
“i’ll give you fifty bucks,” robin deadpans, using her last resort.
this was bribery of the highest order but eddie's not stupid. fifty bucks is fifty bucks.
“now?”
she sighs, sliding her wallet from her pocket to reluctantly hand over the bill. she stops just before it touches his palm, “promise you’ll clean your room.”
eddie goes to grab the paper but robin’s faster, jolting her hand into the air, “and change your sheets.”
“okay,” he huffs, holding his palm outstretched.
she graciously places the note down, smiling wickedly as she does so before skipping off back to her own room.
he can only roll his eyes, turning around to the shit hole that was his room, wondering if fifty dollars was worth having to tackle it.
-
eddie’s sat on the couch when you arrive, barely looking back as robin begins to fuss, talking loudly about your journey. he doesn’t really care enough to involve himself, besides, elvis presley had just given sam a very important message.
“eddie,” robin hisses, standing in front of the screen, “don’t be rude, say hello,” her hands firmly on her hips like she was his mother or something.
he looks up at the looming figure by the couch, hoping his eyes hadn’t given his immediate shock away too much.
you flash him a sheepish smile back, waggling your fingers in a short wave.
two weeks on the couch didn’t seem so bad now.
not if you were sleeping in his bed.
it’s just a shame that he wouldn’t be in there sharing it.
“hey,” he stands, hoping to indiscreetly catch his breath, “i’m- uh, i’m eddie,” offering his hand out, though he regrets it as soon as it’s done.
who shakes hands now? christ. he needed to get a grip, and badly.
“hey,” you reply, your name dripping from your tongue. though you do shake his hand, not bothering to hide your confusion in the process.
“eddie very kindly said you could have his room,” a bright, big sarcastic smile on her lips.
“yeah.. no biggie..” christ, he’s almost panting. “do whatever you want in there.. or you know, just- just make yourself at home.”
his desperate pleas for the earth to split open and swallow him whole go unanswered. instead, robin shoots him a concerned glare before ushering you away from his weird, longing gaze.
'pull it together loser' she mouths before disappearing, leaving him to reflect upon how utterly hard he had just fumbled that entire situation.
-
when everyone’s home from work and you’ve exchanged niceties and greetings with the rest of the house, robin brightly suggests a movie.
eddie usually hated movie nights in the house.
jonathan would want to watch some indie cult classic that no one else had ever heard of, steve wanted to watch some dumb comedy that only he’d find funny and then nancy and robin typically opted for the romance genre.
leaving eddie and argyle with absolutely no choice but to sit in silence as they bickered.
tonight it’s different, you get to pick.
and now he’s not saying that whatever you choose will forever change the way he views you but.. well, that’s actually exactly it.
you land on edward scissorhands.
not the worst choice you could’ve made, and hey, his mom used to call him edward when he was in real bad trouble.
in the end, it doesn’t really matter what you had picked because eddie can’t muster up enough energy to actually care about the film. not while your thighs are peeking out from underneath your oversized shirt. he can’t help but wonder what they’d feel like wrapped around his ears. what previous sounds would fall out of your mouth in response.
at some point during the movie, you stand up and walk out of the room to the kitchen but that doesn’t stop him. staring through the open door, marvelling at the way the hem of your shirt lifts, exposing the tiny shorts you had on underneath.
he’s practically hanging over the back of the couch to get a look, craning his neck at a ninety degree angle just to get a glimpse of your soft, pillowy skin. pinching himself as he tries to resist the urge to just sink his teeth into your inner thigh.
robin jabs her elbow into his ribcage, drawing his eyes back to the room with a grunt and a harsh glare thrown her way.
“you’ve been staring at her all night,” she whispers angrily into his ear, “stop it, or next time it’s your balls,” a harsh warning he didn’t find entirely necessary.
you sidle back into the room, drink in hand and eddie can’t help but let his eyes wander over again, short glances that robin hopefully wouldn’t pick up on.
he can’t help it, some magnetic force swaying his gaze in your direction. he wishes so badly that he could just crawl out of his head and tell you how much he wanted you.
unfortunately for eddie, he’d instead spend the night dreaming of your ass and all the ways he could have you if he’d only grow a backbone.
-
living alongside you is an entirely new feat eddie’s not sure he’ll survive.
it’s torturous.
testing the limits of how ridiculously horny one man can get without self-imploding.
so close and yet so far. each night you’d tuck yourself into his bed, doing god knows what in between his sheets all without eddie getting a look in.
of course he’d made up a hundred different scenarios to fall asleep to each night.
his favourite being the one where he walks into his bedroom to find you mouth open, legs apart, too encapsulated in your pleasure to notice him. only until you do, inviting him closer, between those supple thighs of yours, a forbidden nirvana he’ll never get to know.
though more often than not he’s cruelly forced back into reality by robin ripping the curtains open at the ass crack of dawn, blaring sunlight on his face as you slip away from the grapples of his dream land.
now is his opportunity, the house quiet, bar the muffled giggles of you and robin upstairs. he’s safe for now, he thinks, rather foolishly. it’s late, the rest of them asleep or too busy in their own rooms to catch him in the act.
eddie’s never done anything like this before. it’s disgusting, perverted to the core.
good grief, this is prosecutable behaviour.
tiptoeing down the hall to his room, the door open just a crack, enticing him in further. he can still hear you on the floor above, giving him enough confidence to push it open a little more, edging inside with a quick glance back down the hall, just in case.
gratefully it seemed that you were just as messy as he was, your clothes strewn across the floor. his eyes immediately turning to the peeking of lace from under the pile. glancing one last time at the cracked door, ensuring that absolutely nobody would see him.
reaching down to gather the fabric in one quick swoop, bunching them in his palm as he lets out a quick sigh of relief.
oh fuck. they were so soft, fingers spreading to really get a feel. he wasn't even going to take them, he'd just wanted a little look, something to help his overactive imagination get all the important details right.
“what are you doing?” startling him in this precarious position, the lace of your underwear entangled around his fingertips.
eddie freezes, he can feel the heat rising through his chest, all the way up to the tips of his ears. scarlet red.
“uh.. i..i-i don’t know..” he hasn’t done anything like this before, he swears.
your mouth is open in a sort of half-smirk, half-perplexed gawp, closing the door before he could bolt.
you move around the mess, creeping closer until he can feel you brushing against his side, peering over into his hand.
“oh wow..” you remark, breath hot and sweet against his cheek, “what were you gonna do with those?”
eddie feels sick, trying not to projectile vomit across his room. there’s no way you wouldn’t tell robin. fuck. he could hear you now, voice full of disgust, robin laughing at how pathetic he was.
“n-nothing i swear..” stumbling through his sentence, “i was just..” excuses fail to come to mind, “i was uhm.. looking for something,” the absolute best his flustered mind to muster up.
“oh really?” reaching around to untangle them from his hand, “you sure about that?”
there’s no anger to your voice, but he doesn’t dare turn around to look at your face. afraid of what he’ll find. your eyes pitying, sad that he has to root around your dirty laundry to get off.
“i’m- i’m sure,” though the crack in his voice gives him away.
you hum, coming around to stand in front of his gormless face, “so you don’t wanna keep these?” holding the evidence up to his face, the hem just barely grazing his cheek.
eddie’s knees almost buckle, his breath shuddering as any semblance of composure he had left, floats right out the window.
“here,” reaching forward to tuck the baby blue fabric into the waistband of his sweatpants, your eyes never once leaving his as you do so. “you keep those.. but next time just ask, okay?”
he nods like an obedient dog, lapping up the scraps you were throwing him. he could stand here all night long, keeping up the weird little power game you’d started.
“goodnight eddie,” you smile, giving him a gentle nudge, a sign for him to get the fuck out.
you were the master, he was just the lap dog, eager to please.
-
at breakfast the next morning, he struggles to even keep his eyes open. having spent an embarrassingly long amount of time on the couch last night shamelessly sniffing the lace you’d gifted him.
you don’t even acknowledge it, or him for that matter. happily chatting along with nancy about some news article.
“oh and eddie,” robin begins, flashing him a stern look, “i don’t appreciate finding your fucking panties in between the couch cushions,”
he chokes on his mouthful, his knife clattering against the table in shock. a multitude of eyes turn to stare at the spectacle he was making.
“they’re- they’re not mine,” clearing his throat as he clears his name, though he doesn’t dare look in your direction, terrified that he’d absolutely lose his mind if he did.
“well whoever’s they are, i don’t care, stop leaving them on the couch.. i’m sure our guest doesn’t want to sit amongst dirty underwear,” she bites, calming down now she had gotten her point across.
if only she knew.
eddie must’ve fallen asleep with them still attached to his hand, thanking his lucky stars that no one had walked in on him with them pressed to his nose.
he keeps his head low, focusing on the plate in front of him. nothing had ever been as mortifying as this. not even the time he had slipped off the dinner table in the middle of the cafeteria.
cutlery scrapes and clinks against the china, uncomfortable silence until argyle clears his throat, “gnarly meal robin, thanks dude,” seemingly settling the tense atmosphere, for now.
everybody hums in agreement, getting back to their food without another word. but your eyes peek up, meeting his with an indescribable glint. and really, the worst part is that eddie would sit through this horrific situation a hundred more times, just for one more measly sniff at your panties.
-
eddie can’t take it anymore.
he’s never been so pent up in his entire life. and he’s tried to hold on until he could move back into his room but he couldn’t last any longer.
but he’s careful, waiting for everyone to trundle on off to bed, listening carefully for the muted click of the light switch and even then, waiting another hour to be sure.
the clock glares an alarming 1:04 by the time his belt clinks and his jeans come down, the first of them would be awake in just a few hours, ready to take you on to the airport.
he wishes it would’ve played out differently, that he wouldn’t be sat here on the last night of your stay alone. but alas, eddie’s never been particularly brave and especially not in regards to hot women.
your panties wrapped around his right hand as he spits on his left, wrapping around his stiff cock while his fingertips play with the lace in his other hand.
“ohh fuck,” he hisses, wanting nothing more than to start hollering the house down.
robin wouldn’t be too pleased if she ever found out what he’d done. and he can’t really afford to get the entire couch dry-cleaned so he really must be careful.
thinking quick, he shoves his t-shirt into his mouth, muffling the chorus of grunts and groans threatening to spill over into the dark room. the muted light from the tv illuminates his face, breathing loudly through his nose
he hadn’t heard the door open or the soft sound of your feet padding down the hall, only made aware of your presence when he reopens his eyes, near enough jumping out of his bones.
how long had you been there watching him shudder and whine?
“fuck,” he exclaims, fist still wrapped tight around his throbbing cock, too aroused to care about it too much.
“you want some help with that?”
eddie looks at his dick, then back at you, mouth hung open in a mixture of awe and confusion.
it’s not very clear but you move closer anyway, sinking to your knees and nestling in between his spread legs.
“okay?” maintaining eye contact despite how difficult it was, eyes bright and eager.
he nods, unable to comprehend what was happening. knowing he’d wake up from this twisted dream to some soggy boxers and a whole lotta shame.
your palm wraps around the base of his cock, shooing his hands away to make room, smiling as your lips wrap around the already leaking tip. were you a psychopath? were you placed on this earth to goad and tease him?
this isn’t real. this isn’t real. the voice repeats around his head though it’s quickly silenced by your tongue swirling circles around the tip of his cock, readjusting his t-shirt to bite down harshly on the fabric.
eddie’s hands lay useless on his thighs, twitching to intertwine with your hair, still doubting the reality of the situation. this could all be a dream and the second he touches your hair, you’d disappear from in front of his eyes.
the t-shirt falls from his lips, “fuuck,” grunting into the tense air, gritting his teeth so as to not expose your precarious position to the rest of the house.
the wet sounds of your lips wrapped tight around his cock make his toes curl, his hands find your hair, not without prompting from you. tugging gently at the tendrils as his head starts to spin.
when your eyes look up to meet his, eddie thinks he might just cum right down your throat then and there. he can see that troublesome glint in your eye, a roaring fire that he so desperately wants to keep stoking.
your fingers slide up his thigh, finding his neglected balls and with a slight smirk, you grab ahold, gently fondling them as his brain melts out of his ears.
no one had ever, ever made him feel so good. collectively losing brain cells when you hum on his cock, getting just as much out of this as he was.
“oh yeah, fuck- shit fuck, i’mcummingi’mcummingi’mcumming,” eddie’s mouth rushes, louder than he ever should’ve been. bright flashes of light fill his peripheral, using your scalp as leverage to keep himself on the couch.
his hips stutter, thrusting into your mouth with his fingers tight in your hair, yanking harshly in an effort to get your lips off of him before he came everywhere.
you don’t budge, nails digging into his thigh as his release seeps down your throat, his eyes squeezing shut as his fist instinctively comes up to muffle his mouth, moaning into his clammy palm instead of alerting the entire house.
eddie’s other hand lets go of his strong hold on your hair, allowing you to get off of his dick, panting happily as you sit up between his knees and with lips glistening with his release, you kiss him. all soft and gentle while his brain fails to compute.
it should be gross. but eddie just can’t find it in himself to care, because in reality, this was the hottest thing that had ever happened in his measly little life.
“please let me taste you,” he begs between kisses, grasping desperately at your waist, the fabric of your shirt slipping between his desperate fingers.
you giggle, pulling back to look at him through the dimmed light, “not now,” you hover just above, constantly teasing and unobtainable
“well when?" jutting his bottom lip out in hopes it'd convince you to change your mind.
"when i'm back," letting him down gently. eddie'd count the seconds till you came back if that was what it took to get even a tiny glimpse of your pussy.
“what time do you leave?” he pants, chasing your lips. eddie was nothing if not a chancer, though if it hadn't happened already, there's a miniscule chance of it happening now.
“seven,” whispering back, a hint of annoyance that this build up had only crescendoed now, just as you were about to leave. he'll blame robin for that, poking her nose in and trying to turn him off. it shouldn't have worked. he should've been braver.
“but it’s your turn,” an awful sadness and regret overcoming him. someone better, someone like steve, would've had you pinned to that couch by now, his head between your thighs and your slick dripping down his chin.
“next time,” only repeating yourself, smiling coyly before you plant one last kiss to his longing lips before standing fully upright and disappearing back off to his room, leaving him reeling with a story nobody else would ever believe.
#eddie munson#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson x you#eddie munson stranger things
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