#and frank is so naturally quick and funny

[dollyichi]

DREAM-LIKE

todoroki shouto x f ! reader ᯓ★ m—dni. 1.1k words. established relationship / somno (initially) / morning wood / unprotected / in the morning <3 / not proofread

an entry to my “ milk and cookies “ event with the prompts #1 “i had a very nice dream that started off just like this.” & #19 “did you just get bigger from that?” requested by an anon!

you never the one to take initiative. it was always your boyfriend who suddenly grabs you by the waist, under your shirt no less, and whispers that he wants to do it.

but it’s inevitable that when you’re apart, you end up being in the mood. which could be a quick fix to tell him to come over and jump you, but it wasn’t necessarily your style.

you knew it’s your own personality getting in the way. it felt hard to voice out to him. not necessarily because you’re intimidated by him, it’s mainly because cause your man literally has such a high sex drive that it’s scary—plus, you just didn’t know how to make it less embarrassing when he teases you even when it’s never on purpose.

besides, between the two of you, he was the sweeter and more affectionate one. very frank and straight o the point that leaves you in a puddle of emotions that you try to push through—exactly how he confessed to you. quick, easy, and heartfelt that definitely felt like a train wreck.

you think of the times whenever he initiated. somehow it was like second nature to him. that man has no shame and you shouldn’t as well as no one could be as shameless as shouto, but it’s still a bit hard.

you come up with a plan, you stay over at his place and in the morning you pray for morning wood to come and use it as a practice to start. it’s funny how you’re treating this like a mission of your own, infiltrating your opponent at their most ‘vulnerable.’ still, you already know he’d be into this.

to you, your shouto is a lot of things, but he is especially a pervert.

when you finally wake up, you see him in such a sweet state. lying fully on his back with his mouth slightly open. completely asleep with his arm on your back where you leaned on last night.

quietly, you pull away on the thick comforter and see his bulge underneath the pj’s that you matched with. immediately straddling his waist. he twitches slightly but continues to snore.

“hmm…” you’re pressing your clothed cunt against him. “h-hah…” you just wished he wakes up already so he could fuck you as soon as possible.

you grind harder, having your clit rub against the fabric. biting your bottom lip while you humped on him. it’s so thin you could almost feel the veins on his dick.

he fucked you so well last night your panties were soiled to no return. which was exactly what was happening to your pajamas, getting damp every time you moved.

“mmh…” shouto flutters his eyes open, getting such a nice view of you with your half-lidded eyes. “good morning.” he greets, already sitting up. you get startled for a bit already shy that you were so into it that you didn’t notice he was already awake.

“i’m really happy you waited for me to wake up.” he smiles, leaning on his elbows to get a better view.

“you were hard.” you stay with a little firmness. pushing him back down on the bed so his head rests on the soft pillows. he’s looking at you too intensely for someone who just woke up.

he chuckles in defeat, trying to get a better angle to see you a bit better. “that’s nice of you to help me out.”

“it’s not like i could shake you awake.

“no i need you to shake me next time.” he was dead serious too, typical shouto.

he pulls down the garter from your pajamas, exposing your cunt that’s already building up slick. “no panties?” he says as if so amused. you click you tongue, “you literally ruined them last night.” you motion your head towards the laundry bag hanging by the door. he chuckles, cupping your face, “ah i remember. i did a pretty good job.” he discards your pajamas and throws them on the floor in a swift motion.

you roll your eyes at him, already feeling the warmth that’s crept up to the apples of your cheeks.

“you know, i had a very nice dream that started off just like this.” he admits, sitting up to kiss you. you pull him closer. which definitely explained his hard on earlier. “you were so adorable in it too.”

“you were on top of me just like this, feeling so good riding me.” and he went on and on while he kissed your neck. telling you about his naughty and very graphic dream that’s even getting you a little breathless. “y-you’re such a damn perv.”

you yelp when you feel two of his fingers already curling up inside you. “so wet it slid right in, must feel nice.” he comments.

your shake your hips slightly, you needed more though. today you wanted to be greedy, and whatever consequence you have to endure (which is him definitely teasing you after) will be dealt with later on. you just needed him while the sun is prettily shining on his face.

“i don’t need that just put it in.”

“so greedy and impatient.” his tone is so coy, which pissed you off a little.

“h-hah… just greedy today.” he smiles to himself when you didn’t deny the impatient part. you’re such a mess that when you answer with your typical rebuttals it didn’t feel snarky at all, it just confirmed how cuter you get everyday for him.

“that’s okay baby just use me.” he says so soothingly.

shouto positions his tip at your entrance, and you waste no time by moving your hips to get him to bottom out. you’re already moaning at how perfect he fit right in. even when he gets to hold you, it always felt like the first time. he even felt getting weak at his own finger tips.

“mmph! fuck… y-you’re so big shou.” you ride him while he hands rested on your hips. his brows furrowed while you pick your movements. his mind is still trying to wake up, feeling your pussy clench down felt really dangerous. he’s just so sensitive right now.

you let out a breathy moan, feeling every inch of his cock that’s stretching you out. using him to hit your sweetest spots. sometimes it felt too good that you end up rambling away about how he makes you feel good, verbally expressing everything that goes in that pretty head of yours.

shouto gets weaker and weaker when you’re so honest like this, only finally waking up when you whispered under his ear a small, “i love you.” already in such a trance from bouncing on his dick. he hisses, cock twitching and getting harder from your affection.

you felt him hitting deeper inside you, “d-did you just get bigger from that?!”

he grunts, this time bucking his hips upwards meeting yours. seeing how your tits bounced up and down whining above him makes his cock ache. he wants to cum so bad. “you definitely have to wake me up like this from now on.”

“like h-hell i would! in your fucking dreams!”

do not copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost my works

note : in my head i thought reader to be a little bit rough and snarky to contrast a very sweet and patient shouto

[bananaactivity]

Kickin It X Lab rats???

Naw jk kinda…

Billy Unger was in Kickin it for realies as a Character called Brody. Technically he was a good guy by the end but I changed that so that he and Kai are literally besties. Like imagine how Jerry and Jack are. That’s what these two are like…. But evil

LMAOO I could’ve done this with Carlos and Jay, I probably will.

Kai is like way shorter then everyone else which is funny because he’s the most violent and the leader. He’s like an angry wet cat.

Here’s the info on the two

Kai

Kyle “Kai” Andrew Brewer:

18 yrs old Born: Oct 31

Leader of the White Inferno (Second degree Black Belt)

Wassabi Parallel: Jackson “Jack” Garfield Brewer

Catchphrases: “ You're gonna regret that…” “Weak Shit.” “Im leading a pack of dipshits.” “ Ill scramble your fucking insides” “ Oh this isnt fruit juice on my clothes ,trust me.” “ I'm the best of the best, If anyone says anything to the contrary I'll kill them”

An absolutely stacked martial artist who spent lots of his time training not just for revenge but for the love of it. He is a spicy guy who has fun while being a downright dangerous man. He can get along with anyone but would rather give them heart attacks with a mere glance. He rollerblades and plays bass guitar. He's strong and agile with a domineering presence and is down right bloodthirsty (He craves confrontation and validation, nothing makes him smile like beating people to bloody pulps LMAO) He's also an asshole, don't get it twisted he's a massive dick head. Literally look at him he is a JERK.

Dragon Relationships:

Carson: His second in command who he generally trusts and his sparring partner

Brody: Someone he knows is the actual second best but also knows that competition keeps him sturdy and likes him much more than Carson. That’s his literal bestie

Frank: An idiot who tests Kai daily and of whom he's had to man handle many times, still at least a good fighter

Arthur: An absolute quack at martial arts whose spot on the team is paid. He's funny though.

Wasabi Relationships:

Jack: Kais cousin of whom he considers a weak, traitor who he's NOT even with. He will absolutely crush him like a bug if given a chance.

Kim: A girl whom Carson is obsessed with.

Jerry: A dancing buffoon

Milton: A nerd who once hit him with a crab leg. That was unforgivable and Kai is plotting his murder.

Eddy: Someone almost as talentless as Arther

Brody

Brody Edvin Carlson:

18 yrs old Born: Aug 19

3rd Rank of the White Inferno (1st Degree Black Belt/ close to second degree)

Wassabi Parallel: Jeremiah “Jerry” Tomas Martineiz

Catchphrases: “I'M THE BEST! ME. ME. ME.” “Not my problem brochacho” “I WIN. YOU LOSE. I'M THE BEST. DEAL WITH IT.”

A tough disciplined Martial Artist who respects authority immensely. He has a high skill level mixed with natural talent and quick learning that makes him a force to be reckoned with. He holds back on Carson; in respect to how Kai placed the ranks. (He's obsessed with Kai fr tho, kinda a D rider tbh) He can act crazy and have fun but seriousness is typically required to maintain respect especially in front of the WW so that they feel inferior.

Dragon Relationships:

Kai: Literally Carson is obsessed with the man as he wants to be that revered and respected for his raw power and skill.

Carson: Someone Brody will do anything to one up and desperately wants his spot as second.

Frank: His sparring partner who he sees potential in

Arthur: A rich guy

Wasabi Relationships:

Jack: Enemy number 1 but still respects his talents.

Kim: Enemy number 2, no feelings were at play for what he did to her

Jerry: Enemy number 3, a goofball with no sense of respect or discipline

Milton:Enemy number 4, a nerd but focused

Eddy: Enemy number 5, someone not to be overlooked but no match for Brody

BESTIESSSS YASSSSSS

[offorestsongs]

Fannish Fantasies

summary: Vil never bothered with the nonsense stories his fans wrote about him on the internet. His boyfriend shared none of his sensibilities | 2.1+ words • oc x canon author's note: this came to me in a vision in the middle of the night and i couldn't rest until i made it a reality. this is just pure silliness and also weirdly meta lmao. enjoy!

 “I know what fanfiction is, Rosienne,” Vil scoffed. “I just don’t see why would I ever bother myself with such juvenile fantasies. And to be frank, given your nature, I wouldn’t expect you to take all of it so lightly either, but you look like you’re having the time of your life.”

Rosienne’s face split in a grin. “You thought I’d be jealous? Why? They’re the ones writing outlandish stories about you, and I’m the one sitting in your bed.” And, to prove his point, Rosienne leaned over and planted a quick, warm kiss on Vil’s cheek. At least this time, he was sure that his black lipstick was transfer proof.

Seeing the look of exasperated fondness on Vil’s face, his smile became even bigger. There were few things Rosienne enjoyed as much, as inflicting a bit of gentle suffering and annoyance on his boyfriend.

“Anyways,” he continued, firmly snuggling himself to Vil’s side. Sometimes, he missed being roommates, just for how easy it made to be directly in Vil’s personal space all the time, without having to do such bothersome things like texting each other and walking down the hallway first. Rosienne made up for the lack by spending most of his free time in Vil’s room anyway. “Point is, it’s funny. And harmless. You don’t really give your fans much personal info about you―”

“Of course. This is my job. And I enjoy my privacy.”

“I mean, yeah, but that gives them a wiiiide room for speculation. Or not even speculation, just making shit up for their stories. Pure unlimited creativity and all that.” Rosienne made a vague gesture with his hand. “They seem to really like to portray you as some sort of… bad boy type.”

Vil’s eyebrows shot up so high, Rosienne got afraid they would fly off his forehead entirely. “A what?”

“Oh, you know!” Rosienne laughed ― a real witch-like cackle of somebody currently enjoying the misery of someone else. “Black clothes, chains, secret tattoos, smoking, dangerous business”

“As if I would ever smoke. An utterly despicable activity. Ruins both your health and your appearance.”

Of course, that’s what Vil would focus on.

“Listen. Everyone knows that. It’s just… you know, the aesthetics of it all. They just think you’d look hot.”

Vil blinked. Rosienne laughed again. This really was a brilliant idea!

“I meeeeeean,” he said, raising his phone to hide the barely restrained glee on his face. “I agree. You kinda would.”

“Rosienne!” Despite Vil’s scandalised tone, Rosienne could see the glimmer of amusement in his eyes. Perfect.

“Alright, alright!” Rosienne raised his hands in defence. “So, you wanna read some?”

“There’s nothing I have ever wanted to do less than this,” Vil replied, already leaning over Rosienne’s shoulder to better see his phonescreen.

Before Rosienne came to pester his boyfriend, he had already gathered a nice collection of bookmarks to show Vil. Rosienne was nothing if not a prepared man. And of course, he only saved the best of the best.

“Okay, we’re gonna start pretty tame,” he said in the tone of a game show announcer. He flipped through all the opened tabs, making as much of a dramatic show out of clicking on one as he could. “So this is just the summary.”

He cleared his throat, then started reading out loud.

His whole life, Vil Schoenheit has been upholding a perfect image, but few knew the dark secret hiding behind it. He was tired of his work, of the industry, of always feeling like he has to watch his every step. Searching for an escape from it all, he finds it in drinks and cigarettes, getting caught up in scandal after scandal that his PR management barely has the time to cover up. Can a chance meeting with an ordinary girl stop him from spiralling?

“What nonsense,” Vil scoffed, his words echoed by Rosienne’s gleeful laughter. “I hope you didn’t waste your time reading through the whole thing?”

“Nah. This is like, crazy long. Just kinda scrolled through. But basically the fanfiction you meet a girl that’s oh, so plain and oh, what could anyone ever see in her!, you know the usual reader-insert romance protagonist, but she has a bleeding heart and tries to fix you. Kind of like Lysander, but even more annoying, which I didn’t think was possible.”

Vil rolled his eyes ― Rosienne wasn’t sure at what exactly. Everything, he supposed. “If somebody is spending their precious time writing such hogwash, they could at least get more creative with it.”

“You want creative? Oh, baby, I have something perfect. Just, uh, prepare yourself.”

Rosienne chose another bookmark.

Vil Schoenheit, the son of the leader of one of the most influential mafia families. The future Queen of the crime empire, as beautiful as he was dangerous.

Next to Rosienne’s side, Vil burst into laughter. That was the true dark secret of Vil Schoenheit ― when he laughed, honestly and without any strangers around, he sounded utterly inelegant. Every time it happened, Rosienne felt a warm pride at being one of the few people allowed to see it.

“Dear Seven, what is this?”

“Wait, let me finish! This isn’t even the best part!”

Vil let out a heavy sigh. Rosienne continued.

Having to secure the family’s position, he’s pushed into a marriage of convenience with a girl who wants nothing more than to run away from the world of crime that had ruined her life.

A brief moment of silence followed. “I don’t think that’s how mafia works,” Vil finally pointed out. He sounded a bit stunned, which only made Rosienne’s wild glee grow bigger. Stunned was not something Vil happened to be often.

“Yeah, me neither. But again, it’s for the aesthetics. Nobody cares if it’s realistic, it’s just supposed to be a fun, exciting costume for the characters to wear. But hey, at least this goes kind of wild with the plot!”

“I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“It’s not that bad. The fanfiction you just saves his future wife from a kidnapping from her evil dad mafia boss who’s angry that she tries to run away from the marriage and then shoots the dude.”

Vil frowned. “Wouldn’t that start a gang war or something of the sort? I’m not well versed in the matter, but it doesn’t seem like the wisest choice…”

“Hm, I don’t think the author thought about that too deeply. It’s just an excuse for the girl to throw herself into your arms and finally confess her feelings. It’s very dramatic.” And very cliché, but that seemed redundant to even point out. Being cliché was the whole point of those stories. “But wait, there’s a great moment, you just have to hear it!”

The look on Vil’s face suggested that he didn’t necessarily agree, but still, he leaned even closer, leaning his chin on Rosienne’s shoulder. A position far from comfortable; his boyfriend was unbelievably beautiful, yes, but also really… pointy.

He closed his fingers on my wrist. Despite his dainty appearance, his grip was strong. “What do you think you’re doing, darling?” he whispered into my ear. I could smell his perfumes, strong and expensive, like everything about him.

A shiver ran down my spine, but I kept a straight face. I turned around, looking him in the face. My gaze was as cold as his.

“It’s a party. Am I not allowed to talk to people at parties now?” I said.

He smiled. It was a smile like a knife. “Not when you talk to men who look at you like they want to eat you. You’re still my fiancé, remember that.”

Once again, Vil laughed, right into Rosienne’s ear.

“I told you they like to write you as a bad boy type!” Rosienne said. “Being a controlling boyfriend is a part of the deal.”

“That… doesn’t seem very healthy.”

Rosienne turned to give Vil a look. “It’s romance, babe. It has to be exciting, not healthy.”

“So that’s why you have all those books about innocent young lords getting kidnapped by pirates?” Vil asked. His smile really was sharp like a knife now, except the context was way more embarrassing.

Heat rose up Rosienne’s cheeks. “It’s not the same!,” he objected.

“Ah, really? Forgive me, love, but I fail to see the difference.”

The vast collection of questionable bodice rippers that Rosienne started reading when he was way too young was only between him and whatever gods may be out there. “Anyways!” he said with force, making Vil laugh again. “I have more, and it’s all equally bad.”

Despite Vil’s earlier reluctance, they’ve spent a good amount of time going over one story after another, each more ridiculous than the last one. Rosienne laughed with unrestricted joy, while Vil seemed to grow more and more concerned and confused. For a moment, Rosienne worried that the crease between his brows would stay like that forever. Occasionally, Vil would laugh at one of the more outlandish passages, making Rosienne ever the happier.

“I just have one question,” Vil suddenly said. “Why are they all about girls? I don’t care for labelling myself publicly, but…”

Oh. Oh. This was exactly the moment Rosienne had been waiting for the whole afternoon.

“Not all of them,” he said slowly, for once trying to keep a straight face. He wouldn’t want Vil to get suspicious. “But they’re… uh, specific. I can show you some. If you’re ready, that is.”

“If there’s no mafia involved, I think I can handle it.”

Famous last words, Rosienne thought. He turned away from his boyfriend a bit, so he wouldn’t be able to see the phonescreen.

“Well, if you say so.”

Heart pounding in his chest, Rosienne started to read. At this point, his voice had become a bit hoarse from all the reading and scream-laughing he did.

He felt vulnerable, like an open wound, easy to hurt again. There was nowhere he could hide now. He hated that feeling more than anyone else.

“You’ve been with me through all those years,” he said, voice trembling. Curse his soft-hearted boy for making him so pathetic! “You’ve seen me at my worst. You’re the only one I could ever love.”

Neige’s eyes were big and warm. They were always warm, as if he had never known any sadness or worry in life. He smiled. His smile was warm, too. “Oh, Vil!” He reached out his hands, gently taking Vil’s face in his hands. Vil allowed it, melted into his touch.

His hands were warm, too.

“Truth is, I’ve loved you since we were kids―”

“Hey!” Rosienne yelled as his phone suddenly get yanked out of his hands. “Give me that back!” 

He flailed his arms around, trying to get it back from Vil. Vil, however, remained stern, holding the device close to his chest.

“Rosienne,” he said, voice so cold, it could probably freeze not only the bedroom, but the whole dorm. “What is this?”

Rosienne tried to give an apologetic smile, though he wasn’t sure he succeeded. The look on Vil’s face was absolutely worth it all. “Well… you wanted to read the one about guys, right?” He shrugged. “It’s not my fault that most of those tend to be about your and Neige’s fated love affair.” He couldn’t help but giggle as he said the last words.

“As if I would ever―!” Vil took a deep breath. “I was… vaguely aware that some people would like to see the both of us in a romantic context, but I had no idea that they would go so far as to write stories about it.”

“See? You learn something new every day!” Rosienne replied cheerfully, returning to comfortably laying against his boyfriend’s chest. 

“I just fail to see the point of it.”

“Oh come on! You two are basically the perfect romance protagonists! You’ve known each other since childhood, you’re opposites in both personality and looks. Kind of like you and me, just a lot less cute” Rosienne explained.

“I would rather they wrote fanfiction about us.”

“I would love that,” Rosienne instantly agreed, maybe with a bit too much enthusiasm. “I mean, the popular kid taking in the weird goth kid under his wings? That’s a classic! Kind of overplayed, but people would still go wild for it. I could be your mysterious mafia husband.”

Vil looked at Rosienne, eyebrow raised. Rosienne looked at Vil, his own words slowly sinking in his mind. Silence fell between them, absolutely unbearable.

“Husband?” Vil replied with a smile.

Rosienne quickly looked away. He just said stupid things sometimes! Vil knew that well ― there was no reason to make a big deal out of it!

“So uh, you wanna hear some more?” he asked instead.

“Absolutely not!”

taglist (ask to be added <3): @thehollowwriter @tixdixl @scint1llat3 @felix-cant-ski

dividers.

[foreversnews]

1:am July 4th, sitting here flipping this Tamia I'm so into you song in to a slow sample

thinking of new ways to trust myself

this song has always reminded me of a special kinda of feeling around love. or infatuation at least right now this specific scope of "love" feels more to me like alice millers cover of spell on you by Nina Simone

or frank ocean seigfeind

or looks good with trouble by Solange

slow sample just going on loop as I write this

" I can't realllyyy exxxxplaainitttt"

slowed down at about 45.5 bpm

I used to hear this and think of the most life affirming guilty embarrasingly mushy love

where my young imagination could only think of me walking in the sunlight with a pretty girl, not even touching her, just walking

funny how I always thought romance could save me from something

even as a kid I would almost stay up all night before the first day of school, finally I get to see girls !!

I could get a girlfriend !!

life was simple like that then, elementary school me lol

wanted to feel like something to somebody so baddd

"iiii rreeaallly liiikke what youuu dooonne too meee"

as slowed sample plays*

this song it still hasn't lost its shiny touch

makes me think of someone that I haven't spoke to in while an

meiby in a way I thought she could save me from myself

if I pretend enough

if i talk enough

if i give enough

if I tell you any and everything

nothing stopped the inevitable end

as the loop still runs *

"doooonnee toooo meee"

I think of the countless beds I found myself in the search of the comfort of the that little kid that just wanted to feel like that song feels

cords and rhythms bouncing off my shoulder blades

quick as a lie Is told

as love is perceived

I've ran out of rhythms to not see in this

"whhhaaat youuuu Donnee too meee "

as the sample plays on loop *

playing out the cyclical natures of my most intimate desires coverd by cathexis of pretty faces and gentle misreadings

but to young people who like each other isn't there any more to think a out??? haha my young mind thought it was that easy

making Valentine day cards. hiding them in desk and sing to girls during recess lol

I found (Mei)self dreaming this person again.

how can I begin to think about this in a way the keeps me intact ?

because after all this is who I built for better or worst

become charming people will forget how you've warn that same unwashed uniform shirt to school 5 days In a row

maybe she might look past the body odor you quite don't know how to get in order yet lol

ive always found myself obsessing over what my first time would be like

would it be like one pf those songs of the weekends trilogy ? high school me would think about lol

after all it seems like the perfect sounds track to this double reality I found myself in from a young aspiring towards everything and hopping to find home

'IIIII ammmsoooo iii inn too you"

sample still runs *

being a young boy not really aware of my innocence

didn't feel like I had anything worth seeing

like I was guilty from the first perception of others

the only thing that I could see for myself was desire of romance

maybe I could think about this all day and nothing else

I remember one day my dad would update me on his latest sexual prized catch and how sexy she was, how ,such she pleased him

"iccaannnntt reallly exxplaainne It"

Sample does on *

.........................................................

now my conquest for the ultimate I immature romance, devided in two sexual prowas and power.

after all if my dad is telling me all these details it must be somthing worth doing right?

was he only telling me this to escape his own feelings of loneliness

maybe if he reflects some sort of cool posture ill look at him in a way that helps him look at himself

funny how that goes

bc here I am now hoping to see my value in bodies, faces,ect

but how can I ask them to see omthing I havnt deeply interrogated ?

I know now that love feels more like Alice Coltranes going home

unknowable, only lived and acted out in my own personal being

romance is just a extent of ritual maybe

the coldness of my young self non knowing how to cope with poverty, with abuse and misuse of my young body, mind.

its not far off that, that became the only motivating factor win my life but I deeply want to know myself in everyday possible

not from a automated idea in hopes of finding someone

im not personality package, a body to be used, an idea to be exploited

but then again.

'iiiii reeallly liikkke whhaat youuuuu donnneee to mee iii cannnnt rreealllly exxpllaainne iiit iiiimm sooo iiinn too youuu"

last sample flip*

maybe this coldness is what ive never recognized.

(im rambling and speaking in fragments but I wanted to be honest with how many turns my brain was making "

[randomness-is-my-order]

ik we’re always protective of characters we love and especially when it comes to pjo–the fact that most of them are children and going through so much, i’ve seen people get really bothered/angry about anyone even slightly critiquing them.

obviously, since the show is bringing in alot of new fans, the same discourse from the books is coming up again–only the judgement is based on just a chunk of a whole. the character arcs are yet to be complete over the very first book, let alone the entire series. naturally, first time viewers will have their opinions and takes on a character and might not want to refer to the books to get their answers. that is okay.

it shouldn’t be difficult to acknowledge these things:

yes percy is brave and kind and funny and heroic but he is, at this juncture, still naïve and immature.

yes grover is sweet and empathetic and a guidance but he’s also easily influenced and sometimes a bit too late to take a stand.

yes annabeth is intelligent and fierce and strong-willed but she’s also too prideful and sometimes insensitive.

it is easy to come to their defence with “they’re just kids!! they are going through so many struggles!!” but what if we don’t? what if we let their faults be discussed without making it seem like a big deal by covering for them with facts we already know and should be an accepted backdrop for any discussion about them? yes they are twelve (mentally) but we were all twelve, too. we were once immature, maybe bratty, maybe too quick to anger, maybe too reckless, too stubborn, ignorant, insensitive, etc. kids have flaws sometimes just by virtue of being young and new to the world but that’s a given. we can still say, “hey, what they said is kinda mean” or “damn, they shouldn’t have done that” without feeling the need to softblow it by a defence since acknowledging these flaws is SO important. because guess what?? percy, annabeth, grover and many other characters overcome alot of personal flaws over the course of five books (and later, even more) and it is the fact that their rough edges are so prominent in lightning thief and the fact that we were able to recognise them that made their eventual growth feel that much more earned and gratifying.

we were children once too and we had our bouts of bad behaviour and the very fact that someone realised it (that someone could have been our ownselves) that led to change. sometimes, making excuses–and by that i mean, simply providing context–for characters is necessary because the pointing of flaws might be overblown to target/pile on/hate on a character but most of the time it’s just a frank assessment. writing off a character due their initial behaviour and never giving them the benefit of the doubt is, well, not something i like seeing but just giving an honest review about the first impressions the characters had through the show, even if they’re a bit critical but with the openmind to see them grown and change–that i 100% love to see.

[skyepixels]

The Welcome Home Website!!!!! She is Beautiful~! And She Leaves Us With So Many Questions!

First off, I am absolutely astonished at how beautiful she is!!! Clown, Puzz, and everyone else has worked so hard and they've exceeded everyone's expectations with the site!!! What a wonderful little Home they've made, and I'm excited to experience it as a fan!!!

I know that everyone's combing through the new website update with a fine toothed comb so I won't be sharing anything we've already found. I don't think I've found anything new in the site that others haven't already found, but oh boy!!!! Does everything there only raise more questions!

What I do love is how all the audio files we've been given through the "bugs" has really shown what everyone's personality is like! I love every one of them, and the voice actors captured them perfectly! Oh and the little tidbits of history with the merchandise, the telephone calls, the little skits! Be still my beating heart~!!!

AND THE WALLY LIVE INTERVIEW. I CANT! It's sooo darn cute!! And Nick Nocturne (I know it's him, that interdimentional cat demon) as the interviewer was such a lovely touch! I cannot wait to hear about that from his YT channel!!! And Wally was so coy with the romance question~ and I think that's the perfect way to answer it for everyone who loves him! Keep it vague, let everyone make their own conclusions and be happy! (I know I certainly will for the time being, and will love him no matter what!) I am so curious about the underlying story here: there's so much to think about it's driving me crazy! They gave so much and answered so little! We can only theorize from here! So here's my little thoughts! None of it's cohesive in any way, nor does it really have all the details or tell full story yet, so just take it in sections if you decide to read it! ______

!~OBSERVATION TIME~!

I think that Wally, Home (And maybe everyone else, not sure) are trapped somewhere. Where exactly isn't certain, but very trapped indeed. My first indication of this from this response in the guestbook for Tayla (Page 8):

"eu não sei onde estamos" - I don't know where we are (A bonus for the multi-lingual side of things there, it makes me really happy to see it!)

I have no concept of what happened to everyone else, but from the little drawings he's made on the guestbook, he's constantly telling people things like "Oh, I'll tell Eddie." or "I'll tell Frank." these messages, but we never get a direct response from any other neighbor! It's always him talking! Just him. He tells people their responses, but we never hear anything direct from the other neighbors! The quick reference I can bring up is the hearts PNG in the guestbook for Kazoo:

itoldhim_hesaidhesflattered_idontknowwhatanyoneistalkingabout_.png I feel like those collections of audio clips with all the neighbors (1-14 to 14-14) are a recount of events throughout an entire day that previously happened that may give insight into what happened to Wally. I think this is the case based on the last audio in the list, 14-14 bh audio, when Barnaby notices Wally acting strange:

BARNABY: Yeah, yeah, real funny! A poor little guy like me deserves some sympathy! A clown without a kazoo is like… Like an artist without his paintbrush! Go on kid, tell ‘em! …Hello? Buddy? Pal? …Hey, you stopped paintin’. Everything alright, Wally?

Well, something happened there. Maybe a change in his psyche, how he perceives things - some strange realization that terrified him. Maybe he got angry at something. What it was? I have no clue.

Another addition that I think is interesting! Frank wrote to Wally describing the unusual bug he found. In the beginning of that letter, Frank says this:

"I know you would ask if you are here." Where is he?

The nature of how Wally and everyone communicates is so vague and weird! I think the telephones, the mail, the TVs - all these things are means of communicating, but there's no direct connection to us! Any time a phone call is made, they can't hear us. This I have inferred from the "It's for you!" Talking telephone toy! They can talk to us and we can hear them, but they can't hear us! What's causing this disturbance? That's the real bug here, and I'm clueless on what that means or how to break through the surface!

Most importantly! I think that Wally specifically trying to communicate with that one person on the WHRP team. That person... is experiencing a lot of heavy sh*t, because I think they remember Wally and the show. They're the closest person right now that's able to help him (either willingly or not!)

I also believe he's specifically working with that WHRP member because in the phone audio (the one you click on when interacting with the toy telephone on the merchandise page), he says:

"You have to go too. You have work to do."

From what I can interpret from the live interview, I think that it implies some semblance of back story! Wally did interact with people and the outside world during his prime in the 70s, when the show was really starting to pick up speed. He was calmer, more in tune with his character and fame. He was in character most of all, and I think being in character was a sense of identity for him that he could rely on!

But those secret audio files we hear from him now? He sounds desperate, like he can't breathe. He's practically breaking from his usual character. What did he realize? What does he know? All of those things boil down to this sentence:

"I will help you understand. I will find a way soon, Neighbor."

Wally (and Home?) are working away at a solution wherever they can I think that WHRP member is the key to that! (Although the methods of how they're doing it, i.e the black paint that apparently you shouldn't touch with bare hands, the mind-boggling phone ringing in that person's ears, the complete distortion of reality - definetely implies a few things.)

I also think that the highlighted in invisible ink is Wally's words throughout the email compilations and other documents! The one where he says "Im so sorry." - I feel like that's him showing some remorse for his actions there, but it's like a sorry that says "I'm sorry, I have to do this." kind of deal (which is... oof)

Also - quick note! Wally keep insisting on being let in, rather than being let out. "Let me in." - Let you in to where? Our world? Reality? Oh so many questions!!!

I also am curious about the WHRP staff too, and their interactions with the Question-Answerer, the Marlo company, the Playfellow Workshop! There's two sides to this story; the human side and the puppet one, and it's so multilayered here that at this point, I'm inclined to distrust what anyone on that website says until we know what's going on!

Lastly, I'm not certain how much we as viewers of this story are involved. While I believe that he's working to get that WHRP member to let him in, he does acknowledge us through the guestbook. Although, I don't think truly aware of how much we see him. i.e "idontknowwhatanyoneistalkingabout" line from the heart PNG.

While I want to believe that Wally can see us through our art, specifically when we draw or recreate his eyes, for engagement's sake (audio from this link), I also am inclined to believe he's refering to the eyes that the WHRP team member keeps drawing on those sticky notes and other places throughout the restoration site:

And and and!!! I think that there's got to be something upcoming with this link: https://www.clownillustration.com/error404

You find this link on the staff-only page at the bottom with the text "It's in here." And I think that with any future updates, the next section of the story will be coming from here.

AHH~! I rambled on too long! Hope you enjoyed it!

[paigegonerogue]

Dialogue Styles and The Last of Us

There are many different ways that media handles dialogue, but in my observations they can usually be sorted into three different categories: Poetic, Witty, and Real.

There are more complicated and technical ways to look at it, but most shows have one that is the main “style” of dialogue.

Poetic Dialogue: People talking pretty, basically. It’s unrealistic, but speaking in metaphors or beautiful words can make you cry or give you chills.

Many monologues use poetic dialogue. Think of Luthen’s “revolution” speech in Andor or Silco’s “drowning” speech from Arcane. Period pieces or fantasy media also tend to use poetic dialogue.

Witty Dialogue: Dialogue that’s funny or smart. It’s also unrealistic, but really fun to watch!

Most good comedies most often use witty dialogue, like Community, Arrested Development, and Brooklyn 99. As do dark comedies like Succession or Aaron Sorkin Dialouge like the Social Network (that movie fucks, btw).

Realist Dialogue: Pretty self explanatory. Realistic Dialouge that sounds like how real people talk.

Examples of good realist dialogue include The Bear and Better Call Saul.

(Quick side note: Realist Dialogue isn’t indistinguishable from normal conversation. Usually dialogue and the way people talk is very different. Real dialogue just captures a more natural and raw way of speaking than the other examples.)

So what category does The Last of Us fall into?

Well, here’s the interesting part. I would say that the game and the show fall into different dialogue categories.

I would say that the game falls into the ‘Witty’ dialogue type, while the show falls into the ‘Realist’ dialogue type.

The show also occasionally dabbles in Poetic Dialogue, like Bill’s speech to Frank at the end of ep 3, Joel’s “I’m failin’ her in my sleep’ speech. If you’ve watched Chernobyl you’ll know that mixing real and poetic dialogue is a Craig Mazin specialty.

While both, like most pieces of fiction, have moments of all three (like the show absolutely has witty moments and the game has poetic ones), their main styles are different.

While there are many ways that you can see the differences in dialogue styles, but the starkest contrast is the way Ellie talks.

In the game you can definitely see the Juno-esque origins of Ellie that people have speculated about. She talks with this quickness, even in dramatic moments. She’s always got a quip or a joke or something clever to say (though you see less of it in the final part of the game).

In the show Ellie talks more like a real teenager. She’s clever and a she’s funny, sure, but she also gets flustered or doesn’t know what to say. She says the wrong things or rambles or she blurts stuff out and she sounds young in a way that game Ellie doesn’t.

You can see the difference most clearly in scenes very similar in both the show and the game, like when she shoots the man in Kansas City/Pittsburg, or when she wakes up in David’s cage.

In both these scenes you can definitely see show Ellie a bit more flustered, a bit more scared, and a bit more young.

TLOU HBO was able to use it’s medium to increase the realism of the story (something I’ve talked about before), and a way of doing that is to change how the characters themselves speak.

There are many other examples, but these are definitely some of the clearest.

But while the way they talked changed, the characters stayed quite consistent with only a few very intentional differences, and I think it’s awesome, and a testament to how strong the characters were, and how the writing in the show is that it doesn’t feel too jarring or separate. At the end of the day they’re very different, but both absolutely play to their strengths as a medium and I think that’s pretty cool!

[da12thkind]

Tumblr and The Old Internet Re-Awakens, An Opinion Essay

This is going to be a super long post about my thoughts on the current state of the internet, with a chunk of what I'm about to say having been stuff I've already said elsewhere on other sites. To save your dash, I'll be putting a READ MORE break.

The fact that Twitter and Reddit have basically been destroyed by their own hubris is both hilarious and sad. It's funny because "ha ha rich man's hubris" but also sad because this is very emblematic of the current direction many social media companies that have been at the top for too long are going.

Ever since the muskrat purchased Twitter, it was clear from the beginning that something seriously wrong had happened, with worse decisions to follow. Something I hadn't realized was just how extensive the ripple effects of this would be. Reddit is now being destroyed by their leader's desire for more and more money, as if they needed any more.

I've been having this conversation with my friends via Discord and with strangers on the Starmen dot net forums. The writing is on the walls. The internet is moving towards a future that caters to advertisers more than its users. If there's even the slightest hint of getting more money by screwing over users, the higher ups of a given site will be chomping at the bit.

Where does that leave us?

Well, with Reddit and Twitter both now in a state of complete and total self-destruction, albeit rather slowly, we have seen an influx of new and returning users. Fantastic! I love when an old place gets new life breathed into it.

That being said, I don't believe that Tumblr is the bastion of The Old Internet, far from it, and many of you would agree.

Instead, I think that the resurgence in Tumblr's popularity could be just the first step towards the return of The Old Internet. We have the power to go back to the days of making our own websites. Information on web design and web programming are available online for free, in addition to many places offering free hosting services for a basic website or blog that don't need many bells or whistles (just don't go to GoDaddy).

Tumblr, in my opinion, once you know how to use the advanced editing tools, can make for a great "Baby's First Web Blog." There are some users on here that have made GORGEOUS blogs that will absolutely blow you away.

What about peer-to-peer communications?

We've seen that Discord has been another victim to the plague that is internet gentrification. They've removed the discriminators for usernames, had a store put in, and so many other little changes that have consistently annoyed the end users.

That being said... Discord is not going to be falling apart anytime soon. It's still a fantastic way to connect with many people at once and have quick access to all your different communities.

However, you could make the case, and I certainly try to, that internet forums fulfill the same thing. It is true that forums for many topics have drifted into the void of internet history, but is that not simply the nature of the internet? Communities sprout up, thrive, have an internal way, break apart, and start anew. We've seen that with many Discord servers, albeit rather small ones.

I will still hold my ground that forums should be revitalized if we truly want to go back to the days of old.

What does the future hold?

I... don't know. Despite my vast horde of opinions, research, and second-hand accounts of what The Old Internet was like and how The Current Internet is becoming, I cannot say for absolute certainty that we will see a total collapse of these tech empires. At the very least, however, I do believe that they will become hollowed shells of their former selves.

I have yet to talk about YouTube and its history, and, to be quite frank with you all, I simply must avoid that topic for now. All I will say is that I implore my fellow content creators, specifically those that create Video On-Demand content for YouTube and TikTok, to look into creating your own websites to host your content in the event that something happens to these empires, too. If you don't have offline copies of your videos, do so when you can.

That will be it for now. Thank you for reading this essay. I love your faces. Stay safe.

[abbatoirablaze]

Shameless, Chapter 2, Frank The Plank

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings:  mentions of violence, mentions of smut/sex/cheating, slight angst.

“Thanks for the ride Tone…”

“You got it, Sof…” he smiled, “thanks for helping out at the station.  The chief loves having you there.  And so does everyone else…you’re really making this easy on administration while Janet’s out.”

“I’m sure that’s only because I buttered him and you guys all up with baked goods!”

“You are a hell of a baker,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “but that’s not it.  Everyone loves you there!’

“You’re too sweet to me, Tony!”

“You’re my best friend, Sofia.”

You pressed a sweet, but lingering kiss to his cheek, and then unbuckled your seatbelt, “your mom still wants to do Sunday dinner again tomorrow?”

“Wants to?” he chuckled, “I’m sure she’s living for it now.  You’ve been over for two Sunday dinners already.  I’m expecting her to ask me when we started dating at tomorrow night’s dinner.”

“She wouldn’t!”

“She hinted about how nice it would be to have some grandkids soon, just last week.” He laughed, “there’s no doubt in my mind that mom likes it when you’re around, Sof.”

A blush rose to your cheeks once more and you couldn’t help but look away, “That’s not funny, Tony.”

“I wasn’t laughing either, Sofia…”

Your eyes met his once more, “w-maybe I shouldn’t go Sunday.  I love being around you too, but I don’t want your mom getting the wrong idea!”

He frowned, and you felt like your heart went into the pit of your stomach, “did I say something wrong?”

You bit your lip and shook your head, but he was quick to grab your face in his hands, “Sof…if I did something wrong, tell me.  We’ve been best friends since we were practically in diapers.”

“Tony…” you whimpered, leaning in.  

Just as your lips were about to touch, the front door slammed.  You jumped, your eyes going wide as you saw an angry and confused looking Steve coming out of the house and roaming down the sidewalk towards his car.

“Shit…”

“Is everything okay?” he asked quickly, already unbuckling his own seatbelt as he sat forward, “do you-do you need me to come in with you?”

“No…no…I-I should take care of whatever this is myself…you know how Fi is…she probably went Fiona on him!  It’s probably just a silly fight between the two of them that will blow over before they go to bed.”

“Alright.  If you’re sure…so, Sunday?” he asked hopefully.

You felt your throat drying up as you nodded, “y-yeah…Sunday…”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, catching you off guard.  For a second, you didn’t react, but it all felt too right, too natural.  You forgot about what was going on outside of his car as you melted against him, your lips beginning to work in tandem with his. 

But just as quickly as it happened, it stopped, and you were left breathless by your best friend.  Your eyes fluttered open, and you couldn’t stop the smile from coming up onto your lips as you noticed the same goofy smile on his face.

“For the record…I’ve liked you since head start, Sof…”

“Me too!” you admitted softly.  He bit his bottom lip, and you grabbed your bag, “Sunday?  We-we can talk about this.  Us?  Whatever this-“

“You’re freaking out…” he chuckled softly.

“What?  No, I’m not.  I jus-“

“You ramble when you think too much!” he pointed out.  He reached up and stroked your cheek, his thumb grazing over your lips, “I like you…you like me…we have time to figure it out…you know, until my mom starts bugging you about when you’ll give her grandkids and when am I going to put a ring on your finger.”

“I think both of those things would only happen after you moved out of your mom’s place, Tony…”

“So, you’re saying there’s a chance.” He asked, “you know…that it could happen?”

“Oh, most definitely.”

“Go on…get inside…I’m sure whatever’s going on, Fiona needs your help!”

“Okay,” you agreed.  I’ll see you then!”

“Yeah!”

You got out of the car after lightly kissing him once more.  And while you had originally thought about talking to Steve, he’d already pulled off, leaving you confused about what had been happening. 

When you made your way into the house, everyone was relatively quiet, and there was a somber air in the house.

“Everyone okay?”

“Upstairs!” V nodded, “Frank headbutted Ian…”

“What?”

Instantly, the first thing that came to your mind was that your younger brother came out and that was your father’s response to it.  Your heart fell into your stomach, and you began to feel the worry and anxiety coursing through your nerves, setting them on fire.

You ran upstairs and saw Ian holding ice to his face when you burst through their door. “Ia-“

“Eddie Jackson!” Lip said quickly, cutting you off.  You frowned, knowing about the situation from the first day it had happened.  And while you were sad that Ian was injured, you were happy to know that his secret was still safe.   

Lip had wanted to see if Ian was really gay, or just unsure, so he’d brought him over to the girl’s house that he was tutoring so that she could give him a blowjob.  And so for the course of the week, while Lip’s foot healed, everything seemed to be okay.  But this seemed to be the reignition to the fire you thought was nothing more than a pile of ashes.   

Frank hurting Ian. 

“Shit…I…”

“I’m okay!” he said quickly, trying to put on his tough guy act, “Frank was drunk.  He-“

“That’s no excuse, Ian.  You’re a kid!”  you said defensively as you rushed up to him and stroked his cheek, “let me see…did V already check you out?  It’s not broken, is it?”

“At least it wasn’t because of something else!” Lip hinted, trying to calm you down while changing the subject.  He knew how much of a worrier you were, and he saw you spiraling as you rushed Ian with questions.

“Phillip Ronan Gallagher!”

He smiled, chuckling to himself, “just saying…that kind of news pops off around here, and that’s how a guy gets shived!”

“Alright, enough about murder!”

“Murder and disappearing!” Lip chuckled, agreeing to your statement, “they wouldn’t’ just stab him Fi Fi.  He’d disappear.”

“Only one that deserves to disappear around here is Frank,” you grumbled.  Ian frowned and you stroked his hair, “you sure you’re okay, kid?  Anything I can do?”

“I’m good, Fi Fi…”

“Alright,” you sighed, “you two get in bed…I work the Alibi Room tomorrow night, because I’m picking up for Kate, but I’ll be here in the afternoon.  Lip, more SAT prep?”

“Yeah…”

“Good night boys…”

“Night Fif…”

“Night Fi Fi.”

“What day is it?”

“Friday! Why?”

Your sister held up the orange envelope and your brow furrowed before your throat went dry.  Frank nearly tackled the mailman for it every month, “Frank never misses a check!”

“Just what I was thinking.”

She started up the stairs and you knew she was gonna go drop off the check to the man who was probably passed out in his bed if he hadn’t been waiting for the mailman.  You shook your head.  It was rare for him to go on a bender the night before the check came.  Usually, he waited until it was in.

“Ian…give Carl his plate?” you asked softly, handing the sunny side eggs up to your brother.

Carl smiled as Ian took the plate and passed it off. 

“Who’s next?” you asked, pointing the spatula at your siblings, “Fi said you all gotta eat breakfast today because you skipped yesterday when I was at the station!”

There was a knock at the door and Ian looked at you, “expecting someone?”

“No?” you questioned, “grab it?”

“Yeah!”  he agreed, opening the door to Steve with a box of donuts and a carrier of coffees, “hey!”

“Morning campers!” he grinned.

“What you got?” Lip asked curiously.

“Jelly, plain, glazed,” he shrugged, “didn’t know what everyone likes!”

“Thank god…we’re out of eggs after Carl!” you smiled, “one of the coffees on that tray there for me?”

“Yeah!” He agreed, setting the carrier down while Deb dug into the box. Steve dipped some of the toast into the eggs and went to town while you jogged around the island and took a coffee, giving Steve a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks Steve!” you smiled.  You patted Lip on the shoulder, “don’t forget.  It’s your turn to walk Debs and Carl home from school today!  I gotta work the bar tonight with Kev, but I open, so I won’t be in.  But you can drop em off there, and I can make sure they get dinner.  Liam too.”

“Oh, great!” your sister frowned as she noticed the coffee and donuts, “I’m trying to get them to eat a healthy breakfast.  Fi Fi.  Why didn’t you tell him no?”

“Carl got the last two eggs, and I didn’t get to cook anything else,” you shrugged, sipping on your latte, “it’s better than them not eating breakfast again.”

“Lip just had those teeth pulled from sugar rot!”

“Alright, fine,” you shrugged, pulling the glazed donut from Lip’s hand and taking a bite, while replacing it with a plain one, “Fi’s rules.  No sugar.  That latte got any in it?”

“Fuck off!” he chuckled, drinking his own coffee. 

“Hey, Fi.  I got a date Sunday night at-“

“Officer Tony!” Debs giggled, cooing at you, “again?”  

“Bring home some more of those leftovers.  Ms. Markovich is a great cook!”

“On it!’ you nodded, before realizing your sister still had the envelope, “Fi…where’s Frank?  You still got the check!”

“Anyone seen dad?”

“Behind the arm chair!” Debs shrugged, “I left him a cup of coffee this morning.”

“Why is there a tent in the living room?” Fiona asked a second later.  You followed after everyone else and stopped beside Steve to see your sister stalking towards the entrance, “Fi?”

“I’m gonna check V and Kevs and see if they saw dad!”

“Alright…I’ll get the kids off to school.”

She nodded and you got the kids coats on, their lunches, and went out the back to start them on their way.  You were stopped a second later when you reached the corner.  Your sister had a look of panic on her face, “Fi Fi…I think Frank’s missing!”

“Fucking Canada?”

“Yeah…I thought it was wild too…”

He chuckled and shook his head, wrapping his arms around your middle, “that’s crazy though.”

“You’re telling me,” You laughed, “Frank fucking hates Canada…”

“Frank hates everything.”

“Not drugs…or booze…or my mom!”

He smiled and took a long sip from his beer, “Technicalities…so, have you given any thought to coming to the awards with me on Thursday?”

“I’ll be at the Alibi Room,” you frowned, “I’m working the night shift there!”

“Call off,” he shrugged, “come out with me and enjoy the night.  You can meet the kids I coach and there will be plenty of leftov-“

“I can’t just call off, Tony…”

“Just one night!”

“I know those kids mean a lot to you, and I think it’s amazing that you’re a coach and getting an award, but I can’t call off,” you frowned, “Fi hasn’t been able to get a job this week so I’m the one paying the bills right now.”

“Fi’s off?” he asked, “do-would you be mad if I asked her to come with me?”

You felt your stomach turn, “y-you wanna take Fiona?”

“She is my other best friend,” he shrugged, “I mean those Catholic ladies hate her, but-“

“Sure…” you said quickly cutting him off as you tried not to think too much about the situation.  “sure…ask Fi.”

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?”

“YOU FUCKED TONY!” you screamed at your sister as she was left hunched over from your physical confrontation with her, “YOU FUCKED-“

“So, what,” she shrugged, “he’s single.  I’m single.  We fucked in his cruiser!”

“You’re unbelievable,” you scoffed, shaking your head at your twin sister, “you’re un-fucking-believable, Fi!  Tony was a virgin.”

“Fi Fi, wait!” she begged as you walked away. Fiona looked at Debbie who was shaking her head at her elder sister.  Ian glared at her, “What?”

“She’s had a crush on him for forever!” Debs said as though it was the most obvious thing ever.

“So?” Fiona laughed, “we’ve all known each other since head start.  They’ve never made a move on each other.”

“She’s been going to his mom’s place every weekend and bringing back leftovers,” Ian reminded his sister, “obviously they weren’t just hanging out.”

“She hangs out with Tony all the time!” Fiona shrugged, “There’s nothing there!”

“He kissed her last week!” Ian frowned, “did you really have to go and have sex with the one guy that Fi Fi’s been in love with for as long as you guys have known him?  Was it really that hard to not ride his dick?”

“Ian!”

“Just asking, Fi?” Ian grumbled, “Fi Fi’s never done tha-“

“Craig Heisner!” Fiona said quickly, shaking her head, “she fucked Craig Heisner and I had a crush on him in high school.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Ian frowned as he lit up a cigarette, “Tony asked you because Fi Fi was off making money at the Alibi Room, and she didn’t want to fuck us over by calling off…and you fucked the guy of her dreams in return.”

“Oh don’t lay it on so thick,” Fiona scoffed, “Tony isn’t the man of anyone’s dreams…”

“Yeah, well Fi Fi is the one keeping us afloat and you shouldn’t have done that!” Ian grumbled.

“That sounds like a pretty shit thing to do!” Lip added in, taking the smoke off his brother.

“Fuck off, Lip!”

Chapter 3

[ulabewriting]

Oliver Foreman-McGuire.

he/him.

– Adopted in California.

– Sagittarius.

– ADHD. (diagnosed at 12.)

– Photographer, specialized in nature.

• some people just know how to befriend the whole world…. he’s one of them. he could befriend a shoe.

• naturally lights up the room. he enters the space with his blond curls, his bright smile and his animated voice and everyone falls under his spell…. you included.

• goofy and athletic are his two main traits. sometimes you see him randomly walking upside down on his hands around the house for absolutely no reason??

• cooks breakfast for you when you’re staying with him. It’s funny how quick he jumps out of bed to run to the kitchen. He prepares food with a big smile on his face, humming happily, giving little pieces of whatever he’s cooking to Hanslo.

• a lot of people think he seems fake. There’s no way anybody’s genuinely so giggly and happy and kind all the time, right ? sigh, if they only knew.

• can’t live without his army of stuffed animals. Bears, unicors, cows, sharks and octopuses – he’s got them all and needs them all to sleep.

• started surfing when he was 12, became obsessed with it and basically started living on the beach ever since lmao.

• travels a lot for his job. To photograph the whole wide world and its little gems, he must go over the entire globe and, if you’re down for it, he’d love for you to come along. :)

• can’t stay still for the life of him. he needs to move around, to stay occupied, to entertain himself at all times.

• sings in the shower.

• 6’1 with big dreams 💪

• his best friend is his dog, Hanslo, a golden retriever. They always stick together; it’s impossible to find one without the other.

• eaaaasily could’ve been a chef – this guy cooks meals straight from heaven.

• loudest laugh ever; but not in an unpleasant way. it’s infectious and frank; you can tell by the dimples that appear on his cheeks.

• obsessed with the ocean and its animals. he could talk about them for houuuurs (and he will fall in love with you if you listen to him infodump.)

• toxic masculinity ? i don’t know that hoe.

• likes to act silly and optimistic; he’s the type of person you need around you. Having a bad day ? Anxious about something ? Call him. He’ll make you smile and breathe better in a minute.

• jacked mf. has the dimensions of a fridge lol

• dominic and him like to wrestle and get into friendly strength-based little competitions.

• nurturing and caring guy. like very caring, even with strangers. It just doesn’t make sense to him to… be bad and not care ? like how ? how could you ? how–

• « Sometimes, I really, really miss my siblings… then I think about how they’re all trying to change the world in their own way and be true to themselves, doing good things wherever they are… and also that one time Skyh almost burned our house down and then I feel better–»

• very protective of his siblings, he loves them deeply and gets along with all of them.

• wholesome ass reaction when karter came out.

• « WAIT. I had a brother the whole time and I didn’t even know ? damn, I was robbed. In my arms, dude ! »

• gets attached to people pretty fast and is terrified of abandonment.

• loves to paint his nails but sucks at it – he always asks for mickayla’s help to draw tiny little fishes on each finger.

• loves wearing pearls. necklaces, bracelets; anything with pearls. If you ask about it he’ll just say : « Precious pearls for a precious boy. :)»

• so, so affectionate. He couldn’t hide when he loves someone even if he wanted to; you can just see it on his face : the way he lights up when they’re around, the way he looks at them with fucking sunlight in his eyes – it’s obvious.

• goes to his big sisters when he needs advice on anything. He calls them the wise oldies. (picture celestia's disgusted face.)

• super talkative. could chat your ears off for a whole week and still have a million more stories to tell.

• not really the type to love parties but whenever he goes, he becomes the human disco ball of it. he’s just powerful like that.

• adventurous. he lives off the thrill of discovery. Whenever you want to try something new, go to a new place, dive into the unknown without a plan; he’s your guy.

• very vocal about his feelings. He isn’t scared about being vulnerable, crying, saying what he likes, loves and dislikes. He’s so blunt about his heart’s tantrums that it’s disarming, sometimes.

• BIGGEST SIMP EVER. you do anything, he likes it. You smirk, laugh, BREATHE, he loves it. do it again. please do it again. oh my god just do it ag–

• very polite. He’s the kind of friend your family/parents reaaaally appreciate. Like if you want to go somewhere they’d ask you « Is Oliver going to be there ? »

• you don’t think there’s anything or anybody he hates? either that, or he just hides it very well.

• clingy ass. c’me here, let him give you a koala hug. ;)

• love languages : physical touch and acts of service.

• don’t even think about lifting a finger in this man’s presence. he’ll get offended.

• likes to hang around half-naked lmao. the man is SHAMELESS.

• can’t be called the « jealous type » per se, but does get jealous and will tell you about it without making a big deal out of it.

• loves stargazing. he likes the sky almost as much as he loves the sea.

• insanely loyal. i’m talking dog-like type of loyalty.

• always been hardworking. even back in school, he’d make sure to find tons of different ways to cope with his short attention span to study.

• fantastic billiards skills.

• a bit naive sometimes. you have to remind him from time to time that life isn’t all made of butterflies and rainbows.

• in love with hip hop culture.

• showers you in compliments but gets bashful when you give them back.

• « I just love experimenting, you know ? I like throwing myself into the world’s hands and engage in all the fun it’s offering me. But loving you ? That’s, like… the wildest experience yet. My favorite, by far.»

[nd-poite]

Who do I see when I look in the mirror?

Someone who’s trying. She makes mistakes but to be Frank, I don’t think she is a mistake. She’s a flawed imperfect individual— but she’s also incredibly kind. . . Always looking for more ways to bring kindness into the world. She feels like a failure when others go unnoticed or unlovable—and wears her heart directly on her sleeve. It’s not often she truly opens up, but when she does, I think it’s worth it. . . She aspires to make everyone feel like someone, give them the courage to be something. She wants to leave the world warmer than she found it. . . And she’s one of the first people to worry about you, and then of course worry about how to tell you she’s there for you, or worse, how to let go of you while still worrying about you.

I think she’s intelligent, obsessively interested in knowledge at times. . . Although she had a stutter, she can be very eloquent and articulate with ideas, able to align them in such a way that maybe she’ll teach someday. Everyone has their learning curves, she has hers — she can be extremely stubborn and rigid sometimes — very much a “hands on” kind of gal. . . I think it stems from not wanting to accept help. . . But mostly she’s creative, hungry for life, passionate and sometimes downright volatile—and that’s what makes her special and unique.

Sometimes she feels like a hurricane, rampaging in the shape of a woman’s body, but she’s really just a regular human being who’s looking for assurance that she’s loveable. . . I guess at some point either someone told her she wasn’t or idk, she stuck with the lie and just rolled with it—because as far as I know, it didn’t really come from anywhere. . . And so, naturally, there are times the self loathing gets the best of her and she pushes everyone away, and there are times the self destruction wins and other people unfortunately become casualties—but she’s usually quick to apologize. It’s just her mind is clouded, that’s all — just a little ignorant; and if you asked to see her or tried to call her, I’m sure she’d pick up because she’s the kind of person who will take you anywhere and buy you anything, as long as she has time. . . She wants to be a good friend, a good girlfriend, a good wife, a good person—even if her mind fights her. . . I used to think she was the most confident and indomitable, resilient person I knew — but now I’m not so sure. She’s unbecome herself, a stranger to my eyes. . .

But hey. I do still know that she’s bright, intense, energetic upbeat, eccentric, and bohemian — in a way that’s few and far between these days, and she inspires the lives she touches. . . And people worry about her. . . I honestly think she’s deserving of good things, as much as the next person, even if some days that’s hard for her to believe. She’s trying to be a good functioning person, and that’s all anyone can do.

So in that way — she’s beautiful — her life is music. Her heart is music. Her mind is music. She loves music. And she’s all wild black hair, scarred skin that looks someone carved constellations, big bright eyes that these days look so tired but are still quite lovely. She bounces and sings when she walks, she sings when she eats, she sings when she thinks — out loud. I’m not sure if she’s a skilled singer, but her voice is quite lovely. Her body isn’t perfectly skinny, toned or thick — she’s just average and she doesn’t get enough exercise but that’s that. Her body is a tool, not an accessory — although speaking of accessories, she’s got an incredible sense of fashion. I think it’s the Artist gene. . . And someday she’ll be a professional designer I think whether it be clothes or interior furniture. . . Or maybe it’ll be music. Maybe it’ll be books, poetry, theater plays and movies. . . She spends her time searching for hungry creative souls like her, wanting to be passionate and learn with.

And lastly — I think she’s funny. Her laugh is obnoxious yes, guttural, visceral, but it’s just a sign of joy. She used to be full of it, and one day I’ll pour out of her again. . . On good days, she’s laid back and good for a laugh at any time of day—like throw your head back and laugh until you cry kind of funny. Hangout and chill kind of funny, nothing is off limits unless you say so kind of funny. . . I Will say though, Sidenote, she’s not the best at sarcasm — it clashes with the self loathing and her deepest fear that she’s unlovable. . .

But again, she’s just a person, just a person who’s trying. Trying to survive being alive. Trying to understand why she’s loveable — and trying to understand why she feels she’s not.

[mari-like-atari]

10/13/24 cont.

I find beauty in relationships I know I will have for the rest of my time, though this is a bit naïve to admit, I count myself as one of lady luck’s favorites for the friendships she has given the ability to have. For example, the other day (like a month ago) Carsyn, Derek and I were hanging out, laying on a deflated air mattress, it hit me all at once, we are older, we made it past the teen age angst and meaningless dramatics. We moved on, and yet we took that step together, I went into more depth about with Carsyn. “I never thought it would’ve been us.” And I have to admit neither did I. I remember I first met Carsyn, we were at camp, I had cried myself to sleep and naturally being 8-years-old I thought the world was ending being away from home for so long, with people who I did not know. I don’t exactly remember how but some how we meet and thus had started a life long friendship. We talked about how much the other had changed, from our bodies to our personalities. I remember when she was younger I always thought of her as a bit brazen, quick to call out anyone, yet caring. She described me as quiet and shy, at the time I was, I was for a long time. Over time, those aspects about ourselves changed, I never realized the extent of it till now. I am enlightened to let you know that as of now I am the brazen one and she has become more mellowed out, not in a bad way, in a mature way. I met Derek through Carsyn, we clicked instantly, we had a lot of similar interest, admittingly I always had an admiration for him, he was older, and had this boyish attitude about life, and similar to Carsyn he was caring. I remember one year over the summer we had talked all year long and I listened to Self Control by Cavetown, a cover of the original by Frank Ocean. I had the biggest crush on him, I convinced myself to this song that we were meant to be, as I have gotten older I know that it is not the case, though at times I find myself considering to request a throuple if we are old and gray and single still. I find it so funny, as people mature it becomes more natural to compliment the other without their being any undertones of any sort of romance. Little Mari will be enlightened to know that Derek has called me pretty on multiple occasions, and I have said the same. Embarrassingly enough, I can still hear her little heart beating a little faster when I hear it or read the text. I love them and I think my relationship with them is beauty, the peak definition of it. I wish to be present at their weddings, to see their old graying hair. Yet I this beauty is not founded on any type of yearning, yes I love them and I have them forever, but there is no yearning. Upon writing this I found myself deleting the last sentence because I am wrong, this is built on yearning, I WANT them to be in my life for a good while, and even a little longer than that. Fuck you, Sartwell! I thought I was right, I hate being wrong.

[montyterrible]

“It’s The Great Troll Design, Ernest!”

Deep in the series’ “real movie” period, Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) is the last Ernest movie I own and was also the only choice for the last (maybe) piece of this retrospective when I realized it was going to run into October. Of all the Ernest movies I own, this one is also special since it’s the one I’ve watched the most recently. It made its way into my annual Halloween-time viewing a couple of years ago; therefore, my relationship with it is a lot more clear-headed and adult from the get-go.

To be frank, if I had seen this as a kid, I would not have made it all the way through. It would have scared the hell out of me. Scared Stupid still has plenty of slapstick, and the last thirty or so minutes of the 90-minute movie are mostly just chaotic fun as the adults of Briarville, a resurrected troll army, Ernest, and some plucky kids clash at the old mystical oak tree in a sequence that went on for what felt like a shockingly long time the first time I watched it. Yet, despite the heavy dose of silliness, the trolls are also creepy and viscerally slimy, and when exposed to their folk riddle weakness (milk), they dissolve via hand-drawn 2D energy swirls into extremely physical puddles of flesh and goop. I was a huge wuss, and this movie would have ruined my life. Now, though, I think it’s just a great largely kid-friendly horror movie. The design of “Trantor the Troll” is excellent, and part of it is the aforementioned, utterly ubiquitous slime, which is simultaneously realistic enough to approximate the humid body of a living being but also over-the-top enough to be more funny and gross than strictly upsetting.

(Related side note: Some images of Trantor seem to be blurred in Google’s image search because they might contain explicit content. That’s how effectively fleshy and slimy he is!)

The practical effects still look great, and there are some well-executed little scenes of horror, which include the classic “Lie back in the bed after checking for monsters just to find that it’s there beside you!” or another where one boy flees as the troll pursues and goads him with the voice of his kidnapped little girl friend. “I’m catching up,” says this creepy-friendly voice at one point, and, like, I’d have been inconsolable as a kid, had I seen this. These days, of course, I can instead appreciate this kind of long take of Ernest coming to the sheriff’s house and yammering inside the front door that’s impressive for how Jim Varney managed to get through all that panicked quavering and conversing without flubbing a line. Or, how there’s a fun little action sequence featuring Ernest versus Trantor inside, on top of, and then in the bed of a truck (while Ernest’s dog Rimshot takes the wheel, naturally).

Although it features the unfortunate return of Ernest in brownface as a part of one of two sequences in the movie that try to create comedy out of him rapid-fire switching personalities, I got a lot of laughs out of this one overall. There are some little quick statements that Ernest spits out, like “I didn’t have forefathers! I only had one!” or “Like my ancestor Phineas always told me…,” that just go unremarked-upon and that hit you in a kind of sneaky way that I adored, on top of some “bigger” stuff, like Eartha Kitt’s “Old Lady Hackmore” trying to extract Ernest from a barrel with a giant can opener, that’s also just fun and absurd.

Ernest Scared Stupid certainly has the vibe of a “cult hit” or a movie that gets “critically re-evaluated.” Something about the horror genre in particular seems to make it a fertile ground for works like this, and, as I’ve said, the horror parts of Scared Stupid certainly seem some shade of good. The film’s worst element is, unfortunately, the child performances probably. This isn’t entirely the fault of the actors and has to do with how they’re used. While Ernest is ageless thanks to the character being so eccentric and out of time, the kids are meant to be more hip and of their time, which would be the early 90s, and attempts to make them seem cool at points just feel more cringe. They’re funny, but “funny” in that way where you’re conscious of the fact that it’s the badness or awkwardness of the thing that you’re responding to.

The box art for the DVD also doesn’t totally inspire confidence. While the front cover image of a terrified Ernest popping out of a giant jack-o’-lantern in the middle of a graveyard, with a full and partially cloud-obstructed moon in the sky and lightning striking the ground somewhere in the distant background beyond the conventionally sinister silhouettes of leaf-less trees, reads as absolutely pitch perfect to me, the images chosen for the back don’t suggest “horror comedy” at all: just a close-up of Ernest in drag holding a milk carton, another close-up of Ernest and Rimshot, and then an image of Ernest with one of the kids. They’re setting up a troll trap, but that isn’t really clear from the limited visual information available. I can understand not wanting to make the movie seem SCARY exactly, and also probably not wanting to spoil the look of Trantor, but the images without explanation feel like they could come from any Ernest film and not this one specifically, which kind of belies the quality of what’s inside the box, suggesting Scared Stupid is more “default” Ernest than it actually is.

Of course, I say this under the assumption that someone likes the Ernest shtick. If you don’t, this is more of the same: the voices, the lip wriggling and “Ew-ew-ewww!”-ing into the camera, the inventions that run amok, the intense silliness and ignorance. While the plot is explicitly magical in ways that might make one see it as “non-canonical” (if there is such a thing as canon in the eternally recursive world of Ernest), there is an explanation for Ernest’s unfailing inability to do anything right here: It’s a curse from a troll, you see! In this case, Ernest was literally “scared” “stupid.”

[strikersunindie]

Frank could feel himself get excited at Fabian's audible hesitation. Frank had given Fabian so many chances to simply say no, to refuse outright. Yet once his son had left home for college, Frank realized Fabian had needed someone to live for. It explained the initial bratty nature Adrian had at first, though Frank was quick to deal with that. Just deprive Adrian of the dick when he acted like that, and the sissy was quick to learn what type of behavior Frank wanted. It was funny. Fabian was caged first, but Adrian got to his cage faster.

"Good. You'll send a plug check and a cage check from the car before you head out." The car was outside the garage of course, meaning there was a risk of someone seeing him take the selfies. The cage check would be fine, but that plug required movement that no one could deny. "Send me a cage check every red light you hit or an update when you're close. You'll park in the garage." Clear set of orders as the luggage was beginning to pile onto the conveyor belts. He removed himself from the wall and changed his face.

"Alright little bro, see you soon," he said with a smirk before hanging up. Frank was lucky that his duffel bag was one of the first to come out. He grabbed it with one arm and set it on his back with ease before walking away and making another facetime call to Adrian.

"Hey nephew. You working hard?" he asked when they finally answered as there were still people around Frank. Once he was alone in the elevator though, that's when his tone changed. "Training that pussy for your Daddy?" he asked, excited for when his plan on having both relatives know about each other to happen.

Maybe it was weak and pathetic, maybe even somewhat sick and twisted, but Fabian truly appreciated his brother's thoughtfulness in calling him something so harmless and even endearing on the phone, even when considering the fact that this kindness only went so far and ended when both of them were out of the public eye, or even alone together. He certainly didn't appreciate the slur Frank threw at his son, but of course Fabian wouldn't have dared to speak up against Adrian being called a sissy, not when his brother was the one to do so. And after all, the boy was old enough now; Fabian knew his son would have to stand up for himself eventually. Little did he know, of course, what the younger man was up to in his room, that Frank had instructed him to do so, and that Adrian himself did not mind being called a sissy or even worse, not by Frank. In a twisted way all too familiar to Fabian, he even got off on it somehow.

His heart sank twice within a few moments as his brother kept speaking; first when Frank announced his stay would last several months, possibly. The thought was both thrilling and disheartening; Adrian was home, and the older the boy got, the more difficult it became to keep things hidden from him. Fabian had a feeling this could only go south. And that feeling only got worse when Frank instructed him to show off the cage, causing him to get somewhat flustered, nervously looking around for his son but the younger man was still nowhere to be seen. Fabian hastily undid his pants, unzipping the fly and reaching in to pull out his cock, flaccid and locked away in the cage Frank made him wear, entirely unable to receive pleasure from what was once supposed to be his primary sexual organ.

The second time Fabian's heart sank was when he heard the other's next instructions. He swallowed hard, though certainly had no power to disobey, instead keeping the phone camera focused on his open pants and locked dick as he walked to Adrian's room, trying to turn the handle, but as expected, the younger man had locked the door. "Adrian!", he called out, knocking against the entrance, praying the boy would not actually open. "I'm heading out, I'll be back soon, okay?", he asked, only to hear a muffled "Fine!" echoing back. "God, I have no idea what the boy's doing in there all day...", he mumbled more to himself than Frank, turning away in relief and cautiously making the phone face him properly again. "Okay, let me get ready", he spoke, trying to subtly referring to the plug he was supposed to put in, "and I'll be at the airport in thirty minutes." He knew he could make it in twenty, but knowing Frank, it was probably best to exceed expectations rather than risk failing.

[davidwontstopwritingsongs]

Would I Lie To You Australia is an incredibly entertaining panel show that I would like the panel show fandom on tumblr to know about.

[slasherscream]

black girl high femme reader request here 👄💅 can we get a black!reader who's aesthetic is super girly y2k w/ crazy ass boys gang. Maybe she's got a little attitude but is sweet w/ the boys?? Thank youuuuuu 🧡

A/N: oh god yes i LOVE y2k as a black girl and i want to do a fashion wardrobe reboot when i have the money, don’t care if it’s just a trend i love it

crazy ass boys gang + black!reader who loves y2k fashion

billy loomis: First off he loves brats, he really does. He doesn’t know what it is about that little attitude of yours but it gets to him. The way you dress is what first got him eyeballing you. If we’re being frank, how feminine you were made him think you’d be the perfect victim (problematic? uhm, yeah.) Local man who doesn’t know how to separate extreme attraction from his murderous urges please stand up. He started talking to you and decided he was going to go on a few dates with you first though. You’ve gotta know someone in order to make their nightmares come true when you’re killing them! But he fell in love with you instead >:((. He’ll be angry about that for a while, honestly.

josh washington: Thinks you’re a baddie. This is the highest compliment since he’s always around baddies. He can’t help it, it’s the natural order of things. He’s rich, funny, outgoing, and popular. He attracts hot people in droves. He’s only ever got eyes for you though. Thinks your attitude is well-deserved. If he looked half as hot as you he’d have an attitude too. Likes to watch you get ready when you two go out. Also likes adding new pieces to your wardrobe. The reward is watching you look so good (plus the kisses, those are great too.)

stu macher: He likes mean people so he peeps your attitude quickly and it makes him go ‘awooga’. You’ll assume it was your looks but no, it was your resting bitch face. He really likes your makeup. Loves it when you do a lip-liner and colored gloss look. Always chases you around trying to make out with you because he likes the shine of it getting smeared everywhere. Gets you a lot of accessories and designer things. You stay decked out in baby phat and baby phat equivalent. Also, he loves to match.

jd/jason dean: Isn’t that impressed with aesthetics. He’s been all around the country and observed all sorts of cliques. Still, he appreciates your dedication to one particular look. Bonus points if where you live no one else is doing it quite like you. If you’re not afraid to stick out, that will definitely grab his attention. Dressed to impress even though you’re just going on a quick snack run to 7/11? It makes him smirk. You’re a little high maintenance, and it’s not typically what he’d go for, but there’s something about your Queen Bee attitude that keeps him locked down forever. 

kevin khatchadourian: As disrespectfully as possible, he does not care ☠️. Secretly he does like that Eva hates the way you dress (she is ever so slightly prejudiced, if not ever so slightly full-on racist.) This is something you have in common as she also hates the way he dresses. Doesn’t like it when you give him attitude but doesn’t care how you treat other people at all. Probably prefers it when you’re mean to other people. The smaller your circle is the more time you have for him. Is noticeably kinder to you when you’re being sweet to him though, so keep eye-rolls and teeth sucking to a minimum for your own sake. 

nathan prescott: Tries not to be obsessed with you but he is. You make him froth at the mouth. He takes one look at you and demands you start hanging out with his crowd so he can always have you around but pretend he’s not that interested. You see right through him and probably ignore his ass, just for a laugh, just because you can. This makes him even worse and bruises his ego. He’ll break before you do and it won’t be particularly romantic but you can’t expect much when it comes to Nathan and romance. Gift giving isn’t so much his love language as it is a compulsion because he’s miserable at showing his affection any other way. Loves the way you look but is not confident enough in his taste to buy you clothes on his own. Throws his wallet at you and demands fashion shows once you get back from your shopping spree. Some of your date nights involve him just taking pictures of you and instructing you how to pose. It relaxes him. 

sebastian valmont: What’s better than one bad bitch? Two bad bitches. You two look so good together it’s sickening. You don’t match, but the opposing styles you have wind up looking very sleek side by side. He loves shopping and always pays for the trips. Will even get you two personal shoppers that will bring clothes to you so you can have “lowkey” dates at your mansion. You two are high maintenance together. Equally bratty. He loves that he can be bitchy with you but also loves that he can be sentimental and soft as well. Because of the circles he runs in, people have said one or two nasty things about you behind your back, like calling you a gold-digger. He has ruined more than a few people’s lives over these comments. Tells you about it too because he needs you to know he’ll take care of you in all regards. Romantic king. 

david mccall: You’re definitely not the first black girl he’s dated. He’s got “I regularly date black women” swag. He knows all the drills. Likes to spoil you rotten and get you to go soft for him. He likes your hard-ass persona too though. Parades you around because you’re literally the catch of the century. You two are attached at the hip because he’s toxic. There are no more girls only nights. He’s always playing body-guard. Upside, he looks hot when he’s staring people down for looking at you too long. You can always wear what you want because he’s always ready to fight. Sits and feeds you food while you get your nails and hair done and never complains no matter how long it takes. The only thing he does afterwards is fawn over the way you look and pay the bill. Again, he knows the drill. 

sparrow!ben hargreeves: Is very focused on appearances since he’s always lived in the limelight. He’s always put together so he needs a partner who is on the same wavelength when it comes to looking good. Knows you’re not dating him for his fame because you give nasty ass looks to the paparazzi whenever they interrupt dates. It honestly makes him laugh, which is hard to do. He loves your mean little attitude when it’s directed at other people. Do not get snippy with him or y’all will be yelling at each other anytime and anyplace. Apologizes to you with expensive gifts. You make him use his words anyways and it enrages him, but he’s addicted to you so he says he’s sorry through gritted teeth. (He thinks the thousands of dollars of Off-White clothes he got you should have sufficed as a “sorry” but he keeps his mouth wisely shut.)

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