#anyway i love patrick jane so so so so so so much

[daynascullys]

i think you mean what you say when you say you want to die i think you mean what you say when you say you want to stay alive

[steelthroat]

I think the perfect man is actually the weird mix between Spencer Reid and Patrick Jane, with a hint of Castle playfullness.

Yes.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

9 People You Would Like to Know Better

I've been tagged by... A lot of people. @authortobenamedlater @fairytale-lights aaaaand it seems like somebody else, but those are the only ones I'm finding in my drafts. ANYWAY, thank you! <3

1. Three ships: Jisbon (Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon, The Mentalist); my first ship that really introduced me to the concept of shipping/fanfic/fandom in general. Garcy (Garcia Flynn/Lucy Preston, Timeless); to this day my best experience with fandom as a community. It's hard to explain, but something about the bonding that took place while everyone was fighting to save the show together will make that ship forever hold a space in my heart, I think. And Emotional Compass (Will Zimmerman/Helen Magnus, Sanctuary); Chosen for being the latest ship living rent-free in my head, though I'm due for a new one any time soon.

2. First ever ship: So Jisbon was the ship that introduced me to fandom, BUT my first ship before I knew what shipping was? Either Superman/Wonder Woman, or, going back further, a spider and a worm from a couple of kid books I read. I don't remember the titles or anything now, but they were buddies, and I shipped them hardcore.

3: Last Song: Champagne Problems (Clean Version) by Taylor Swift

4. Last Film: The 1950s Cinderella

5. Currently Reading: Pastwatch by Orson Scott Card, and Once Upon A Christmas Heart by Melody Carlson. Vastly different books, I'll say.

6. Currently Watching: Not much. I've nudged a few different shows, but nothing is really sticking.

7. Currently consuming: Nothing. I have a bottle of water I should probably be drinking from, though.

8. Currently Craving: Rest. I had a busy and stressful dream last night (late to work+can't find boss's phone number to call and explain+texts to coworkers aren't going through+tried to drive there but drove to the wrong side of town+oh no I tried to get back in my car to drive to the right side of town and it Wasn't There Anymore+you get the idea), and am hoping I rest better tonight.

Tagging @accidental-spice @kanerallels @amandamonroe @the-kirbe-anon @taleweaver-ramblings @zeegeetee @exhaustedhope @songsintheattic and @dangerously-human but only if you want to play! And anyone else that wants to join in, feel free! Yes, that means you; I'd love to get to know you better! <3

[mistermaxwellboucherdieasilived]

Doing @charlottan's book tag game Hiiiiiii Charlotte :) And thanks Skippy for tagging me

Favorite books: We'll Fly Away by Bryan Bliss, The Street by Ann Petry, Notes From my Captivity by Kathy Parks, Hunger Games trilogy (Catching Fire is my fave I think), Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram SOOOOO GOOD, Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds, More Than This by Patrick Ness

Favorite authors: Sorry for this some of these I've read literally one of their books. But anyway. Jason Reynolds, Lemony Snicket, George Orwell SORRY, John Webster, E. Lockhart LOVEEEEE HER

Favorite genres: Realistic fiction, lgbt coming of age/romance, YA but I don't consider that its own genre, novels in verse, early modern british drama sorry, survival narratives (idk if theres an official term)

Book(s) you're currently reading: Sort of The Hunger Games trilogy because I'm writing a paper on it, about to start reading Stone Butch Blues (for fun) and The Ministry of Utmost Happiness (for class)

Books on your to read list: Stone Butch Blues, The Poet X, The Hate U Give, The Handmaid's Tale, House of Leaves (THIS SUMMER I WILL)

Books you loved as a child: STARGIRL BY JERRY SPINELLI <3333, Nature Girl by Jane Kelley, Captain Underpants (the whole series), Animorphs series, any scary stories collections but especially David Lubar's Weenies series, A Series of Unfortunate Events <33

Preferred book length: Like 300-400 pages

Books you couldn't finish: Omg so many.... Sense and Sensibility, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, The Scarlet Letter, Romeo & Juliet, Julius Caesar... these are just for school

Fiction or nonfiction: Fiction<333333333 I <3 narratives

Buy, borrow from library, or read online: Library LOL. I also love thriftbooks

Author you've read the most of, but DON'T recommend: Laurie Halse Anderson. Sorry. Okay.

Favorite book character: At the moment, Katniss Everdeen.

If you at some point stopped reading but then started again, what book/books got you into reading again: What most sparked my interest in literature for school was probably Macbeth or Heart of Darkness. I stopped reading much around freshman/sophomore year but one book that really brought me back would be You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman. I remember reading it in one sitting and feeling like myself again because I read it so fast lol. Smiles

Tagging @verpaso and anyone else who wants to heart

[lordstormageddidnt]

Top 5 favourite character?

There's going to be a lot of middle aged white men on this list and for that I apologize in advance.

5. Dean Winchester (Supernatural). Cas is #6 bc I can't bear to separate the two. They are holding hands on this list. Anyway dean is a shell of a man full of contradictory character traits bundled up in soft plaid and I want to stick him under a microscope and pick him apart piece by piece. Yes he is still holding hands with Cas while under the microscope, he is touched starved and deserves physical contact

4. Patrick Jane (the Mentalist). This man's silly levels are off the charts. Best version of the asshole detective trope ever

3. Benoit Blanc (Knives Out). Everything about him is so !!! I hope we get to see a movie with him and philip actually interacting together

2. Bobby Singer (Supernatural). I love him so much. He remains the single character whose death I will cry over. If you pull up SPN s07e10 Death's Door I will be ugly sobbing by the end

1. Squirrel Girl (Marvel Comics), obviously. She's undefeated in the Marvel universe and she's undefeated here.

[altschmerzes]

For the tag game, would love to hear about Can't Grow A Proper Branch, or if you don't want to do that one again, Bad Blood (I actually discovered your writing via MacGyver and those stories hold a special place in my heart)

aaahhhh thank you so much that's so sweet :') since i've already explained what can't grow a proper branch is about, i'll just post a clip

Man plans and God laughs.  When Bobby was growing up, the Nash family’s next door neighbour had been a Rabbi and his wife whose older daughter had been his age. Often, when his parents were working late, Bobby would end up at the Rose house, playing with Sarah Rose or doing homework with her at the kitchen table under Rabbi Rose’s quiet supervision. Man plans and God laughs. A Yiddish proverb Rabbi Rose had been fond of. Even though it’s been decades since he’d lived in the house in St. Paul next door to the Roses, decades since he’d last spoken to the man at all, the phrase he’d used so often still pops into Bobby’s head sometimes. It even makes its way out of his mouth now and then.  From the moment they meet, it feels to Bobby like Evan Buckley is God laughing at his plans.

and then i'll talk about bad blood too bc it is one of those like hyper-niche things that i do that i get very invested in but sounds insane from the outside sldfkjs. anyways i posted a oneshot a while back called 'make of us a bridge' which was a peek into a crossover idea i had wherein i looked at patrick jane on the mentalist and i looked at james macgyver on macgyver and i was like. hm. well. you two have an.... uncanny similarity. so now i have a crossover au where mac's dad had a half-brother he had a bad relationship with and didn't talk to or about much at all. and then patrick and mac learn the other one exists. and. boy howdy! clip from that too, but under the cut, bc this is getting long already sldkf

“What’s the hold-up, Jane?” Lisbon asks, hands splayed at her sides, palms up, a nonverbal repetition of her question. He ignores it completely, instead asking one of his own.  “Remember I, uh, remember I told you about my brother?” He’s having a bit of trouble getting the words out at all, like his brain’s slowed down, grinding and jolting its way through the desired speech.  Her frown deepens and when she speaks she sounds completely lost as to the potential relevance of what, to her, sounds like a left-field flyball of a tangent. “The one you haven’t spoken to in…” “About twenty-five years? Yes, that one.” Still not looking at her, Patrick indicates the young man they’re about to interview. “His last name - it wouldn’t be MacGyver, is it?” “Yes, actually.” Lisbon flips open the case folder, scanning it for his full name. “Angus MacGyver. How did you know that? I know it’s not because you were paying attention when the officer was giving me the rundown.” “You’re right, I wasn’t,” Patrick admits instantly. “But there’s one thing I know for certain, and it’s that that boy is the spitting image of James, so either my brother got in a time machine, came back here in his early twenties, and gave us a fake first name, or I’ve got a nephew nobody told me about.”

[gemstone-roses]

Christmas fic party 🎉

So, those who have followed me a while will know how I feel about this time of year. This year, in an attempt to feel better about it I have decided this time to write two Christmas fic per character I write for. Send in your requests for the characters I write for and I’ll pick two request per character to write. Fluff/smut, hurt/comfort, the filthiest thing to make you feel better about spending Christmas with people you don’t like?angst with a happy ending, are all open to request. You can also still request regular requests as well ofc.

Anyway, here’s an updated list of characters I’ll write for:

Geralt of Rivia

Hannibal Lecter

Patrick Jane

Sam Wilson

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Giles

Thor

Eddie Munson

Olivia Benson

Rafael Barba

Happy requesting! Much love ❤️

[callipraxia]

Books Read, May 2023

I've thought of starting a book blog before, but alas - I never have enough to say when I don't have someone to bounce off of, or at least can't figure out how to say it. Plus, I mostly read nonfiction, so...probably not the most thrilling reviews. In lieu of that...here's what I read in May.

Courting Scandal: The Rise and Fall of Jane Boleyn, Lady Rochford - James Taffe

Jane Boleyn: The True Story of the Infamous Lady Rochford - Julia Fox

Young and Damned and Fair: The Life of Catherine Howard, Fifth Wife of King Henry VIII - Gareth Russell

Inside the Tudor Court: Henry VIII and His Six Wives Through the Writings of the Spanish Ambassador Eustace Chapuys - Lauren Mackay

Wolsey: The Life of King Henry VIII's Cardinal - John Matusiak

Cardinal Wolsey - Mandell Creighton

Remembering Wolsey: A History of Commemorations and Representations - J. Patrick Hornbeck II.

The Life and Death of Thomas Wolsey Cardinal: Once Archbishop of York and Lord Chancellor of England - Sir William Cavendish

Obviously, I got 'on a tangent,' as I do sometimes. I've gathered this may have something to do with the ADHD, though not from particularly official sources, so don't quote me on that. In this case, it was partially a return to old tangents; while I'd not read the last three books on this list before, my reading journal indicates I previously went on a bit of a tangent on the subject of Cardinal Wolsey in February and March of 2021. I was also immensely pleased, in my Kindle recommendations earlier this month, to find a book on Chapuys; he was always one of those background figures in the historical fictions I read as a kid that I wished I knew more about. Gotta read his letters myself sometime, since it seems, from the Google, that they can be viewed online in English translation.

I'll give Lauren Mackay this: she's much more honest than a lot of authors are when she reached places where the information simply no longer exists, or at least hasn't been recovered yet. There was enough 'prose' to keep it interesting, but not excessive attempts to state things about the ambassador that she couldn't back up with evidence. This, I felt, was in sharp contrast to Julia Fox; I loved the descriptions of the court, the attempts to tell a story, and these things definitely have a place in history-writing, but here they were fairly blatantly...fluffy, I suppose. Now, I'm hardly one to complain of fluff, rather fond of soft things myself, but it was glaringly obvious, when she said Lady Rochford must have been thinking or feeling something, that she was essentially filling in the blanks with a story of her own devising. Sometimes the 'costume' of historicity the text wore was something it looked 'comfortable' in and sometimes it was quite obviously a poorly-researched French hood shoved awkwardly onto the head of an actress with zero knowledge of sixteenth century fashion and how to wear it, but there were always leaps from one point to another. In contrast to that, I felt that Gareth Russell balanced his reader-drawing prose fluff with his historical analysis much more adeptly when considering Catherine Howard; I've read his book more than once over the past couple of years and expect I'll read it again in years to come. I came away with no impression of James Taffe's work, alas, except that he clearly wrote his book as an exasperated rebuttal to Julia Fox; I was, unfortunately, very sleep-deprived when I read that, so I'll have to read it again sometime. My lack of sleep, however, is not why I read the rebuttal first and the book it was responding to second...even though I'd had Fox's book in my physical TBR shelves for several years and only stumbled across Taffe's the day I bought it. I'm told I've always had a tendency to do things in the wrong order and somehow make it work anyway, so why mess with a good system at this point?

As for one book being a rebuttal to another - here we come to one of my favorite things about reading history, which is to say, how often historians blatantly attack or support each other in their writing. In the last couple of chapters of Remembering Wolsey, I was irrationally delighted to see the author offer opinions on every book I read during my 2021 tangent as well as one of the ones I read this time around. It's amusing (to me) to sort of...get to know the different personalities: "hm, yes, I can see why someone would say that about Ives," or "yeah, I never did get Starkey's position on that, all things considered," or "ha, that was almost the exact same thing I said two years ago about Ridley!" It's...oddly cozy, I suppose.

Hornbeck was especially interesting as he wasn't writing about what happened - he was writing about the trends in how people have remembered what happened over the past few centuries. There were interesting thoughts on historical fiction throughout, especially near the end; that one may warrant a full independent review, if I can muster the energy to write it out. For now, however - there's all the reading I did in May.

[agalnamedlunasea]

Hi hi hi HELLO! @shslskaterboy tagged me to post 10 songs I've been listening to lately so uhhhhhhh here it is 👍

I have been loving the new FOB album so so much, since it got released, and this is one of my (four...) favorites!

It just sounds so good, I love the lyrics and Patrick's voice :>

MåneskinMåneskinMåneskinMåneskinMåneskin aaaa they're so good! The vibes here are so good, so sexy and cool and im absolutely obsessed with it

MORE MÅNESKIN bc they're so good. This one is more simple, but I like that about it. It really gets in my head and stays there. Also I absolutely want to eat the way they use guitars in every song and thus one is a good example imo

Yeah more fob. Watch me struggle in real time to not put all my faves from so much (for) stardust on here. I really like this one too, the lyrics really grab me lol

Last one I promise. This one just takes me to a particular moment in time, which I feel like the whole album does but this one in particular for me. I also really love the feel of the instrumentals? Idk how to describe really I just like it

Hajime song. To me. The animatic in my head is so good I prommy

Quick warning, this one focuses a lot on gender dysphoria (the album is 'gender dysphoria blues' so. Obvious. But still 👍)

Anyway this song is so fucking good and I love Laura jane grace's voice. Real tearing your guts out in pain vibes to the way she sings it its fantastic

Im never not gonna recommend this song actually its really good. The lyrics and the way it builds just really hits me aaaa its so good and more people should listen to it

I love more!jump!more! She is like caffeine to me :]

The last one is telecaster b boy and im putting the mv bc I think about it daily I love it so so much.... wonderlands x showtime my skrunklies...

Anyway,,, I am. Too tired to tag anyone, so I guess this ends w me. But tysm for tagging me James my best friend James :>

[thelivewireoracle]

Weekly Tarot 10/22/23 - 10/28/23

The Tower reversed, The Hermit, King of Wands reversed + Squash Dragon - Opinions

Hello everyone! This week’s theme is that of embracing the inevitable. Crash! Bang! Boom! Almost as if everything that you’ve been avoiding will soon be brought to the forefront for you to finally face once and for all. With The Tower reversed, it seems that many of you will be the ones taking the stand to put an end to certain situations that no longer support your highest good. You may feel a sudden rush to take inspired action to tear down those walls brick by brick. While you might feel the courage to finally make the change, be sure that you have at least a general idea of the direction that you’d like to go toward.

As you are going through the week, The Hermit lends insight toward where you might shed some light onto who you are when your mask comes off. At the end of the day, in the privacy of your space, is this the same person that you show to the outside world? If not, perhaps this is the time to reconsider where to start placing more of your precious time and energy. This is not by any means a call to drop all responsibility for the sake of avoidance. This is a means to show you where your truest values lie. You’ve had hopes, dreams, and visions. Do not let that part of you suffocate while attempting to maintain a certain status quo. 

The King of Wands reversed asks you to reclaim your ambitions and sovereignty. You do so much for others and work diligently to assert a level of urgency into your surrounding environments. And while it is great that others can depend on you to bring that energy and inspiration, it is time to take back some for yourself. Give yourself permission to utilize that energy for you and your dreams. What that looks like will be different for each and every one of you, but know that this week's energy is in full support of stepping into an upgraded version of you. No more bending backwards and upside down just for things to go awry anyways. There are better ways to be productive and the first step begins with you taking a step back and focusing on you.

Last but not the least, the Squash Dragon is a friendly reminder that not all opinions matter. What matters most at the end of the day is that YOU feel in alignment with the changes that you are making for yourself. Trusting that whatever happens as a result of this transformation is ultimately for the highest good. And as you are growing, you are creating space for your friends and loved ones to grow alongside and all around you. Some opinions may be well intended while others not so much. Practice simply observing multiple perspectives and not allowing yourself to immediately internalize a differing opinion as your own until you’ve asked yourself a few simple questions such as “Does this opinion align with my personal morals, values, and beliefs?” “Do I believe that I am any less of a deserving person if I do not accept this other opinion?” “Do I have the tolerance and maturity to hold space for multiple realities and perspectives?” 

All in all this week offers you all more opportunities for growth and expansion. The deeper you are able to connect to yourself, the better you may begin to understand others around you. Ultimately you are the only one who can walk your path. Embrace your purpose and step boldly ahead! - Lilith Jane

Deck Used

Deviant Moon Tarot by Patrick Valenza

Field Guide to Garden Dragons by Arwen Lynch, Artwork by Stanley Morrison

[theghostofbean]

Yay thank u for tagging me @enlitment <3 always love an opportunity to talk abt books <3

Last book I read: Sabriel by Garth Nix - it had some really really cool worldbuilding elements and the characters had sooo much potential but it was just too short to explore it all properly :,) I wish it had been like 800 pages lol

Book I recommend: This is hard cuz it depends on the person but my go-to general recommendation would probs be The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. I just absolutely adore that book and I feel like anyone would enjoy it, it’s addictive and so easy to become immersed in, but also beautifully written and the characters are so lovable and relatable, it’s just a perfect 10/10 book.

My secret recommendation for cool people on tumblr is the Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling. I know I say I’m insane about one thing or another on this website every day but I am actually genuinely insane about this series. It only gets progressively more unhinged and I’m losing my mind because I love these characters more than life itself and every book they just experience horrors more insane and incomprehensible than the last. Anyways if you're interested in sword fighting, bisexuality, evil sorcery and tragic, mysterious, morally ambiguous protagonists you’ll love it <3

Book I couldn’t put down: The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas!!! Was so good I am now addicted to classic literature forever

A book on my TBR: Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb

A book I’ve put down: Weirdly enough, Jane Austen’s Persuasion, but it was because I started it just before going on a long trip and then I didn’t bring it with me on the trip for some reason. I will definitely pick it up again soon!! Sorry Jane Austen!!

A book on my wishlist: Need the Moomin books asap. Very urgent

A book you would give to a friend: well it depends on the friend of course :P probably Frankenstein, I’ve recommended it to friends a lot

A book of poetry/lyrics you own: I have a copy of Shelley’s Poetical Works from 1919 that I thrifted, there was a dead butterfly inside it and it’s definitely cursed but I think it’s cool

A non-fiction book you own: I have a bunch of art books, my fav is probably this huge heavy one with all Monet’s paintings in it.

Currently reading: The White Road by Lynn Flewelling - I fucking love this series guys. I fucking love these characters.

Planning on reading next: Possibly Persuasion, but I never really know what I’ll read next

tags (no pressure <3): @arrant-knav3 @silliestscribe @oatmilk-earlgrey @a-simple-space-gay + anyone go ahead if u wanna talk abt books :)

Thanks for the tag, @acrossthewavesoftime! I did one of these ages ago, but they're really fun, so here goes.

Last book I read: Temeraire by Naomi Novik. A beloved and comforting favourite.

Book I recommend: Depends who you are, but I'd almost universally suggest Piranesi by Susanna Clarke to anyone looking for magic, weirdness and profound empathy.

Book I couldn't put down: Foucault in Warsaw/Foucault w Warszawie by Remigiusz Ryziński. Haunting.

A book on my TBR: The Dream of Enlightenment by Anthony Gottlieb. Picked it up cheap in Oxford and it looks promising.

A book I've put down: I probably said this last time too, but Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch. Slogged through the first 100+ pages and just couldn't find anything to keep me interested.

A book on my wishlist: Still on my endless, tireless and so far fruitless quest to find a decent book about Alexander Roslin.

A book you would give to a friend: Really depends on the friend, dunnit? Send me an ask if you want to know what I'd recommend to you 🫵

A book of poetry/lyrics you own: Eros in Boystown, edited by Michael Lassell – a gem of a collection that I picked up at Left Bank Books in NYC.

A non-fiction book you own: Dining with the Ancient Greeks by Maria Thermou. Charming and delightful!

Currently reading: Unruly by David Mitchell. Imperfect but fucking funny.

Planning on reading next: George III: The Last King of America by Andrew Roberts. Very excited for this one and, as a bonus, it's both for personal interest and for class!

Tagging @enlitment @chaotic-history @kaiserin-erzsebet @clove-pinks any anyone else who wants to share!

[lovelydrusilla]

"from the vault". a deep dive into iconic robin tunney photos. 🎄tm secret santa 2022 day six for @thinkingaboutjisbon

[robntunney]

[lizzybennets]

13 YEARS OF THE MENTALIST

day 3 - humor/beloved dynamic: jane and lisbon being literal children

[cambria-writes]

hello! welcome back!

would you look at that i've remembered to update! y'all lucky it took me almost two years to update with chapter 16 on AO3 and by the time i've posted that one here i'll probably have chapter 17 done!

not gonna lie though every time i see the word counts for these chapters i want to cry. i love reading long chapters so want to put that out too, but several years ago i guess 2-3k felt like a marathon to me!

and that's okay. that's growth. 🌱

pairing: patrick jane x reader word count: 2,262 rating: M, each chapter rated individually warning: alcohol consumption, reader drinks maybe a little too much, reckless flirting, Frat Boys, swearing, reader isn't often referred to with pronouns but they are afab

Previous Next

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕿𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖛𝖊: ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔪𝔭𝔞𝔤𝔫𝔢

Patrick Jane helps you through your sobbing the only way you believe he knows how to. For a few minutes, he lets you cry. Vent. When the tea begins to cool beyond Peak Consumption Temperature, he begins to talk.

And, really, doesn't stop.

He talks about how the older woman you saw was the original killer. Explains to you what you already know about her motives. You aren't sure how Mr Jane could possibly know this, too, but you stay quiet and listen. He says that she was targeting young women because she believed them closer to the truest human nature. She killed those who looked down on her and belittled her. And eventually she found someone worth keeping around.

It was a murderous cult, is what it was. In the end, it was someone who had gone off the deep end and took their passion too far. You don't have it in you to argue. He isn't completely wrong, but you can't find the words (or the air in your lungs) to explain what exactly it was. Not that Jane would believe you even if you did.

By this point in the conversation, despite yourself, you drink. Camomille probably. You can feel it calm you. You stare down into the cup while he speaks. You don’t dissociate. Not really. But you blank out for a few seconds, long enough for it to be noticeable, you think. Slack jaw. Slumped shoulders. Vacant expression. You tense when you see a hand approach you before realizing Mr Jane is just taking the cup and saucer away from you.

“I can help you with that,” he says, calmly and quietly. You find yourself nodding without thinking. Frown into your empty hands.

“Help me with what?” You don’t look up. You know what he’ll say and how he looks at you.

“That depends on why you want,” is Mr Jane’s typical non-answer. “I can make you forget. It’s temporary, but it works. For a while. Or,” he leans forward, leaning his elbows on his knees and threading his hands in front of him. “I can teach you.���

The tone of his voice is serious. No kidding, no joke. He wants to teach you something. Now you look up. The intensity in his eyes almost makes you sweat.

“Teach me what?”

A grin fit for the devil spreads across Jane’s face, white teeth showing.

“How to sharpen that fear into a knife.”

Your tears are still drying on your face. But slowly, quietly, you can feel something hungry expand in your chest.

The first exercise is in a bar. A dive bar. Sleazy, questionably sanitary and filled with even more questionable characters. The beer’s not even that good. You drink it anyways. It makes it easier to talk. Removes your bias. Removes the majority of the self-doubt.

That’s what Jane says, anyways. Part of you can believe it. The other part believes in ulterior motives in spite of yourself.

It takes the time of a beer and a half before he wanders off. Orders you to watch closely what happens, to try and memorize every movement he makes. No matter how small it may seem, you are asked to track everything. The small rub of his thumb when he shakes a woman’s hand. The lack of any nervous tics altogether. Slow, deliberate blinking. Leaning in for conversation, but only after confirming boundaries. Everything about Jane’s posture screams “I’m paying attention to you and only you”. 

The woman excuses herself and grabs her jacket. Jane makes his way back towards you with a martini he didn’t have before. As the woman threads an arm through a sleeve, she pauses, shoulders the rest of the jacket, and reaches into the left pocket. You already know what’s in there, but the surprise on her face shows that she had no idea. She looks around to find a familiar dirty blonde head, but gives up after a few seconds.

She exits the bar with a smile on her face and her phone in her hands.

“That was smooth,” you comment, eyes glued to the door shutting behind the woman. “She seemed pissed that you even came up to her until you shook her hand.” You turn to Mr Jane. His face is plastered with a look of pride and satisfaction. “Is this witchcraft?”

He lets out a quiet bark of laughter. “No, darling, that is just the simplicity of the human mind.” Places a hand on your shoulder and squeezes. “It’s easy to make anyone like you as long as you push the right buttons.” 

You’re too distracted by the warmth of his hand to mention that his phone hasn’t gone off yet.

You can’t put words to it yet, but there’s an idea slowly sprouting somewhere in the back of your mind.

“So, tell me.” The hand disappears from your shoulder. Jane sits back on his stool and sips at his martini. “What did you see?”

You look down for a few seconds, gather your thoughts. You saw a lot of things. Though honestly, you can dismiss about half of them. Grab your beer and take a swig straight from the bottle before you can speak. 

“You were always turned towards her, that’s the first thing I noticed,” you begin, eyes still unfocused, aimed somewhere at the floor. “Your feet were always pointed towards her, which I think is one of those subconsciously-read body language things about attentiveness. You kept your arms open and wide apart. That would look inviting I guess. And you didn’t hunch or try to make yourself smaller. Not… not in a presumptuous way, though. Confident, I guess?”

A quiet snort and a hint of a grin. Alright, not bad, you’re on the right track. Straighten yourself on your stool and grab your beer with both hands. Look up directly at Jane. 

“The handshake; you did that thing where you rub with your thumb. She looked weirded out by that, but seemed to relax when she realized you didn’t look nervous. You put yourself between her and the rest of the crowd, but in a way that I think gave the illusion of privacy? You didn’t impose yourself so much that it looked like you were boxing her in. She had the option to walk away any time she wanted.”

You’re about to continue when two things happen: Jane looks above and beyond your right shoulder and you can feel more than see the shadow that someone is casting down on you. Already hate the vibe. And the smell. Can’t fathom why anyone would want to bathe in anything related to Axe. You cast a withering look at Jane; though he looks some measure of upset, when his gaze lands back on you, you know that look. It’s a challenge. 

Alright. Sure. You’ve done significantly worse over the past several days. Turning down an arrogant idiot should be a piece of cake.

Turn around on your stool to greet the intruder. He has already made the mistake of being far too close to you. Your face is level with one of his pectorals. Jock #1 is “casually” leaning against the bar. Does his best impression of someone who is failing to look uninterested. He looks at you like he’s just noticed you. Or, at least, you figure that’s the look he’s going for. It isn’t working.

You keep your expression flat. He’s clearly expecting you to ask something. Who he is, what he wants. You keep quiet. The man looks significantly more uncomfortable when your eyes move from his forehead back down to his eyes. Only then does he finally break the silence. 

“I, uh. Hi.” He at least has the decency to cringe.

“I was shot in the leg a few days ago, I was targeted by a serial killer and her equally psychotic sidekick, had brain matter splatter on my face no sooner than a few hours ago, and I really just want to get shitfaced and forget about it in pleasant, intelligible company. You feel like you can have a five minute conversation with me that won’t bore me to death? Give it a shot. Otherwise I’m going to stay here, have another shitty beer in this shitty bar and lament my shitty life with the only not shitty thing to have been in it in the past five days.”

Take a slow, deliberate swig of your beer and stare the man down. He is completely slacked-jawed. Mutters a quick apology, grabs his half-empty beer back from the counter and walks away much faster than he arrived. You breathe out a sigh of relief. Turn back to Jane to find him looking deep in contemplation. Quickly look away and down the rest of your bottle of beer. Stings your throat and eyes. Ask for another one. Three beers is probably too much—when in the world did you become such a lightweight?—but whatever. Jane offered to pay. You aren’t one to squander an opportunity to get drunk on someone else’s dollar.

Jane waits until you’ve dragged a third of your beer. “Your turn.”

You almost sputter, but don’t. You knew what this was about. Grab your beer and stand and do your best impression of someone who isn’t you.

“Alright, sure. Who?,” you ask, looking around the bar. Not much to pick from. You catch the obnoxious Axe man from before shooting you furtive looks. You hope he doesn’t think he’s being subtle.

“That one,” Jane says, eyes on you but pulling your attention in the direction he nods his head.

It’s an older man, sitting alone under a window. Not entirely sure how many years he’s got on you. Something in you bristles at it; you wouldn’t have dared approach him sober. But inebriated, you can acknowledge that man is absolutely your type.

You don’t ask anything. Jane’s probably done the preliminary background check in his head already. You aren’t too worried. Take a deep breath. Another. Turn around and stride on forward.

You exit the Citroen more gracefully than you’d have thought possible. And also far more dramatically. Jane brought you back to the CBI office. Not sure why. You don’t question it; you don’t feel like going home anyways. You were hunted down before, you could be again. Feels like everyone is painting a bull’s eye on you. The thought doesn’t unnerve you as much as you think it probably should.

Swat away Jane’s hand when he offers to help you walk to the door. Mutter something about not being a goddamn child. You bump shoulders as you walk. More accurately, your shoulder bumps his bicep.

“You almost had him, you know,” Jane says airily. Trails off like he wants to say something else, but you know he won’t. All it does is burn your pride even more.

Shove him with your elbow. He barely moves. “Shut up. Okay? Shut—just, shut up.” Wait patiently to be let into the building. Someone from security nods at Jane. You try to remember to ask him if he actually lives here later.

You fall asleep on a leather couch covered by a knit blanket. 

You wake up with the suggestion of a headache. The lights are too bright. Despite their deliberately hushed tones, you can hear Jane argue with someone. Sounds like Agent Lisbon. You pretend to still be sleeping. It isn’t hard. There’s a pause when Jane speaks that makes you think he noticed, thought.

“You can’t keep taking her back here, Jane!,” you hear Lisbon whisper. She doesn’t sound pleased. “This is the CBI, not your personal motel!”

Shame crawls under your skin and feels like molten metal in your veins. You weren’t sober enough last night to realize that crashing at the CBI, in plain sight, probably wasn’t a good idea. Especially not following their kind-of consultant.

Jane’s muttering is too quiet for you to understand anything he says. Sounds like he’s getting further away; taking Lisbon away from you? You appreciate the distance regardless of the reason. You aim to get up slowly, but you’re greeted with a glass of water and what you expect are aspirin. Practically jump out of your skin at the sight of someone holding them out to you.

You take the offered water and pills with a quiet thank you. Down them and chug the rest of the water. Hand the glass back, but don’t let go of it right away. You look at the man expectantly.

“...fine. I’m Agent Cho,” he concedes. You let go of the glass.

“Benraft,” you answer shortly. The look he gives you is confusing. You ultimately settle for feeling proud. Agent Cho gives you a nod before standing and going off somewhere out of sight.

A quick look around reveals that no one is at their desk. Good. You take the chance to escape. Make your way as best you can to the stairway that leads to Mr Jane’s hideout. You don’t expect the sliding steel door to be unlocked. And it isn’t; you tug a few times. No give.

You let yourself slide down against the door, sit on the ground in a huff. There isn’t much for you to do. You wait five minutes. Ten. Thirty. And no Jane to be found. You’re reluctant to use your phone battery more than necessary. It takes some debating, but ultimately a trip to any kind of store is probably preferable to waiting like a lost puppy.

You almost don’t get lost getting to and out the front door.

𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

@fucklife-or-me @yearningforsappho @mamacakeishereforfun

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Sharpe Rewatch 4- Sharpe's Enemy (1994)

tonight's theme is:

(this is a lie, tonight's theme is actually me crying over teresa)

alright, starting off I have strong feelings about harper sitting on top of his captain, protectively pushing him back down to the ground with a big 'ol hand on the back of his head. then sharpe just kind... accepting his fate and curling up in the middle of a pile of his boys. i cannot label what exact emotion it gives me, but OH BOY it's an Emotion.

side note: sharpe says the chosen men were acting under his orders so.... were his orders to.... have fun? lol

fuck i take it back i AM gonna cry over this epsidoe. look at how happy sharpe and teresa are!!!!

i DID forget just how much teresa roasts farthingdale for insulting her hubby. amazing, #realtionshipgoals #girlboss, i'm gonna gif it later.

sharpe telling harper "don't name it after me" about his kid with ramona, only for sharp turn around and name his own son patrick. excuse me, rude.

i also hadn't noticed before that teresa is sewing a lil rifleman doll and now i want to cry again.

She gives it braids later? so i guess it's supposed to be of antonia in her daddy's uniform ;A;

now a bit i still don't understand is the, like, cooking lesson aside that happens in the middle of the hostage exchange? ... that's it, idk, it like doesn't effect the plot at all. just weird to me.

but, ah, anyway, frederickson!!! i love him! i wish he showed up more often, but i appreciate him most in sharpe's revenge, doing all the leg work to save sharpe's ass. he's just fun! i just think he's neat!

sharpe literally swallowing the urge to burst out laughing tho *chef kiss*

but the "why do i always have to wear the dress, sir?" from perkins makes me wonder just how many times they've played the "disguise one of us in a dress" card and why i didn't get to see every single situation this was their answer to. robbed, robbed of good content.

hey now let's talk about a cinematic parallel that i hate. it's this:

( : im fucking dying and i hate everything

"I lied. my wife taught me. she taught me many things."

*lays down on ground, cries fucking eyes out* THIS STILL ISN'T FAIR. just the IDEA of it- sharpe already has an Emotional Thing about the guy who taught him to read and write, and then he gets himself a badass literal #girlboss wife who teaches him how to speak french, teaches him how to chill out a bit as leader, teaches him such soft things. a woman who's been through rough shit, just like he has. he's so proud and amazed of her, every time he speaks of her. and then it's... just all gone.

him kissing the sword as he salutes teresa's grave makes me physically unwell

now, i do want to know how duco manages to keep his head when literally every single thing he claims in regards to sharpe ends up biting him in the ass. you'd think after the second time maybe people would, idk, not trust him judgement...

ok. i'm... im just gonna sit here and cry now.

this was somehow worse the second time around. probably because i'm going through theses so much slower. and i like it most when sharpe has someone to come back to, rather then doing the new girl of the week thing. though jane is.... well. jane is jane. we don't talk about jane.