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starcurtain · 1 day ago

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Time, Erudition, and Destruction

I've written before about how time in Amphoreus is essentially a jumbled mess, and playing 3.4 makes me even more convinced that this is entirely intentional--between Khaslana and Trailblazer literally time traveling, cycles happening upon cycles, time's progress being actively "regressed," and Cyrene (the representative of Time) being forcibly removed from the equation, it's little wonder that "time" in Amphoreus seems to be essentially collapsing on itself, completely malleable to the manipulations, memories, and reductions of those pulling the strings of the story's plot.

According to Cyrene, "time" is directly linked to the aeon of Remembrance, and therefore memory is inextricably linked to the passage of time in Amphoreus's story--making both central to the deepest remaining mysteries of Amphoreus's plot.

So, I wanted to take a bit to try to shuffle out my thoughts on where the plot is currently and where it may be going. This is almost all speculation, so take it with a grain of salt, but here's a bit of deeper dive on what I think 3.4 is laying out for us:

First, the issue of Amphoreus's time itself: There's still confusion about which cycles some events are taking place in, and major events are intentionally being shown to us out of chronological order. For example, when the Trailblazer appears in Aedes Elysiae as part of Phainon's "memory" of Cycle 0, Cyrene states that she's experiencing "deja vu" and makes several other comments throughout this memory walk hinting that she knows the Trailblazer is not the imaginary "Hero Within" friend she and Phainon created but an actual person from the future.

Some of this can be chalked up to Hoyo's cheeky habit of implying that HI3rd expies are "meeting the player again"--they did this with Acheron as well, just to hand wave it in Acheron's farewell as "Oops, my memory is kinda bad; this actually was our first meeting." Some of Cyrene's early connection to the Trailblazer probably can be chalked up to the "You're our imaginary hero-shaped friend" aspect. However, some of it feels far too intentional, calling deliberate attention to the collision of the future and past:

At the very least, I think the devs hit this note too often, and too consistently, to not also be implying something else: Cyrene already, even in Cycle 0, had memories she (theoretically) wasn't supposed to have yet and knowledge of the Trailblazer, specifically, that she doesn't currently seem to have any reason for having.

Tiny sidenote here, but the fact that it was hinted all along that our!Phainon from Cycle 33,550,336 is not actually named Phainon now makes no sense with the reveal that everyone in Cycle 0 Aedes Elysiae, in fact, calls him Phainon (including his parents and the fairies), and that "Khaslana" appears to actually be a name bestowed on him after the fact to associate him with the Worldbearing titan/Khaos. (Technically this means we still don't know what our!Phainon was actually named, unless of course it's also just Khaslana because memories of previous cycles somehow bled into later cycles despite the deadloops being referred to as "regressions" which implies deleting and starting again.)

Anyway, back to the main point again: The Chrysos Heirs that appear as "visions of Phainon's future" in Cycle 0 actually seem to be heirs of some other cycle entirely. Mydei refers to Phainon as Phainon, which he didn't do in Cycle 0, and talks about his duel with Flame Reaver, which also didn't occur in Cycle 0.

Theoretically, we're in Phainon's memory here, and at first glance, it might make sense to say that his memories may be jumbled from multiple cycles. Except we're supposed to be in our!Phainon's memory at this point, not Khaslana's (as this moment supposedly takes place before our!Phainon kills Flame Reaver), so our!Phainon should not have memory of Cycle 0 at all yet.

Of course, the more likely possibility is that we were never in Phainon's "real" memory at all, and instead were just temporarily removed to the "buffer zone" by Lygus, where he showed us a (possibly intentionally) jumbled set of memory data from "Phainon" based on what he (Lygus) wanted us to see.

It's intentionally confusing.

At another point, the dev team deliberately disguises which cycle we're in using ???:

Why do this? It had already been revealed right from the beginning of the patch that we were in the 33,550,336th cycle. There was a literal running countdown throughout Phainon's entire Khaslana sequence giving us the exact number of cycles Khaslana would reach by the end. For what purpose would the devs list a scene as occurring in the ??? cycle... if not to deliberately obscure which cycle we're really in?

Furthermore, there's the question of whether what happens in this ??? scene (supposedly our!Phainon's fight with Flame Reaver) even really can be from the 33,550,336th cycle, given that Flame Reaver is suddenly able to speak in clear full sentences again, despite supposedly being so degraded by the actual 33,550,336th cycle that he seems to struggle to form coherent thoughts.

When is this scene really taking place, hmmm Hoyo?

(Okay, I might just be thinking into things a bit too much here, but seriously--why the "???" marks?)

Along the same lines, there's something interesting if you go back to 3.3 as well. I mentioned scenes being shown to us out of chronological order, and the ending 3.3 is a perfect example of this. Many of us were confused at the end of 3.3 when Phainon seemingly has no issue with Cyrene being alive out of nowhere. 3.4 resolves this by suggesting that we were actually being shown the ending of Cycle 0 at the end of patch 3.3.

However... There's something not quite right about this either. Because in 3.4, Cycle 0 Phainon is fully aware of Cyrene, and they walked into the Vortex of Genesis together, facing Lygus as a team.

However, during 3.3, "Phainon" acts surprised to see Cyrene there at first, suggesting that he did not expect her to appear:

The scene shown at the end of patch 3.3 is not the ending of Cycle 0.

...So when is it?

There's also this, which still hasn't been sufficiently explained:

This implies that either the Flame Reaver/Khaslana of the 33,550,336th cycle made some attempt to go after Seliose and her companions... or there's some additional time travel still ahead of us.

At the end of 3.4, Mem says she'll send Trailblazer back to the "beginning of time" but also suggests that we'll continue to meet each other in new cycles. Mem also says that Cyrene is waiting in the "future," while the book says "in the past," suggesting that these two are essentially the same thing--the Trailblazer's future is Amphoreus's past, intertwining and recursive like a mobius strip.

Overall, the impression this gives is that we may be headed into some sort of stable or semi-stable timeloop, and that the Cyrene of the future feels deja vu when meeting us because the Cyrene of the past already has. This is sort of alarming, as it could possibly suggest that we're not going into the past to successfully change it, to erase all the long years of Phainon and Cyrene's suffering; rather, we may just be closing a loop that already existed from the start, which would mean that all the actions which led to us going into the past in the first place would be inevitable...

Time travel plots are honestly kind of the worst lmao.

The concept of time in relation to Cyrene is also complicated in general, because who is it that has been trapped in the path space outside Amphoreus this whole time? Obviously it's Cyrene, but which one? Is it Cycle 0 Cyrene, sent out by that first time Phainon killed her? If that's the case, then who has Mem been the whole while? Has Cyrene's consciousness slivered into two (or more), allowing her to both exist outside Amphoreus and to exist inside it as a sentient being at the same time? (Never mind that this also calls into question how Cyrene could exist outside Amphoreus at all if they haven't yet been actualized into "real people"--she mentions that her "soul" will travel to some distant corner of the world and sleep, but at what point do electrical signals inside Amphoreus gain souls? The log suggests that Phainon may have crossed the "intelligence singularity" at the end of the 33,550,336th cycle--but Cyrene seems to have crossed it at Cycle 0?)

There's also the question about how Cyrene was able to do any of this. Theoretically in Cycle 0 she became Oronyx's demigod and therefore became a stand-in for the concept of Time itself; however, the "As I've Written" log updates clarify that all the power bestowed by the coreflames is actually just a heightened level of administrative privileges, allowing those who wield the coreflames to manipulate the simulation in ways that non-coreflame-wielders cannot:

The log also states that Phainon and Cyrene attempted to create a logic rupture by removing Cyrene (the concept of Time itself) from Amphoreus. However, by the point in Cycle 0, all the other demigods were also dead, and we know that the entire point of the OG cycles were for the Chrysos Heirs to die and be "reborn" as the next extrapolation's titans; therefore, the demigod of Oronyx would have died thousands of times inside Amphoreus already. How did killing Cyrene at the end of Cycle 0 do something different to "time" than what was already programmed and planned with the death of the other Oronyx Chrysos Heirs?

And how does "killing me in each cycle will send you back in time" even work, if Cyrene was not Oronyx's demigod in each cycle? Does Cyrene have actual control over time entirely separate from Amphoreus's extrapolations? If so, how?

(My head hurts, to be honest. I should know better than to think this hard lol.)

But, even more intriguing to me is how all this leads up to even bigger questions, the first of which is "What is Lygus even waiting for?"

In 3.4, Lygus states that the experimental question behind Amphoreus was already solved as of Cycle 0, and that none of the individual Chrysos Heirs, including Phainon and Cyrene, actually mattered much at all beyond being a tool for refining Irontomb.

The only thing remaining between Lygus and his "Era Nova" is, according to Lygus himself, someone needing to step up and receive the gaze of Nanook to actualize the Scepter as a Lord Ravager.

But this... doesn't actually make much sense? The Scepter itself had already been gazed at by Nanook in the original 50,121st cycle. It was already a Lord Ravager long before Phainon and Cyrene ever existed!

Moreover, the simulated model of Destruction contained in it (the "Black Tide") was already deployed in other galaxies to near perfect success even before Phainon and Cyrene completed Cycle 0.

Why would a second gaze from Nanook, specifically to Phainon and/or Cyrene, actually be necessary?

Is the answer to the "equation of Destruction" really just people? Why does Lygus need Phainon and Cyrene Co. to "become real" in order to deploy an already solved "equation of Destruction"?

Why does the Scepter need someone organic in order to, as the "As I've Written" log states, "self-crown"?

Hmmmmm. 🤔

Simultaneously, trying to unravel Lygus's real role in the plot raises another question: Who is actually in charge of the Amphoreus experiment? In the new "As I've Written," Lygus is listed as the administrator and refers to himself as the "prime mover" of the experiment. We know that someone has been controlling Amphoreus's simulated data enough to change the setting of the story (setting the world's civilization level to "classical" for example) and also to direct the system to begin iterating with the original Chrysos Heirs becoming titans, etc.

But if Lygus has the power to actually control the system that completely, why would he not just delete Phainon and Cyrene entirely when they revolted and refused to go through with his plan? Or, at the very least, why not tamper with their memory files to erase Cyrene's memory of the aeon and lead them both into the "Era Nova" he wanted? Why was the "administrator" not able to override Phainon's commands to regress each extrapolation back?

This, of course, leads to the impression that Lygus wanted Phainon and Cyrene to loop the system--OR that Lygus does not actually have control over the experiment, and he can only observe it.

I think the first one is the interpretation most players are going with: Lygus only stood to gain by Phainon collecting more and more coreflames, more and more hatred. It was possibly Lygus's plan all along to drive Phainon personally into becoming an avatar of Destruction.

But... if the equation was already complete by the end of Phainon and Cyrene's Cycle 0, why bother at all? Why prepare a "gift" for Irontomb if Irontomb was already a Lord Ravager and had already determined the perfect path to Destruction by this point? Lygus had already, supposedly, achieved what he wanted--so why keep waiting?

Why not just replace NeiKos496 and Philia093 with new heirs and actualize Irontomb instantly with no problem?

It doesn't make sense, does it? Either Lygus could not erase/replace Phainon and Cyrene by himself... or his actual plan isn't just to launch Irontomb.

He may actually be waiting (or aiming) for something else.

All of this relates back to my main conjecture after completing 3.4: I am almost certain that Lygus is not what he seems. I don't usually dive too deep into plot leaks, so I could be totally off, but... something is still not adding up here.

Cyrene and Phainon even bring it up, stating that Lygus could have achieved his goal instantly if he had just kept to the shadows and said nothing at all.

Phainon claims that Lygus chose to reveal himself and Amphoreus's connection to the Destruction because he was trying to cover up the fact that Amphoreus is also being gazed at by other aeons--but this makes no sense in practice.

How does Lygus revealing the existence of Nanook and Nous--thereby confirming the existence of multiple outside aeons--help to distract from those aeons? The game itself is even tossing it in our faces that if Lygus had said nothing, then Phainon and Cyrene would have gone straight into the Destruction without hesitation, which means that effectively, Lygus is the one who prevented Amphoreus from falling to the Destruction at the end of Cycle 0. Why? For what reason would Lygus have shared the truth of Amphoreus with Phainon and Cyrene, when it did nothing but--at least on the surface--seem to delay his plans at best, and completely derail them at worst?

When confronted about this, Lygus himself has absolutely nothing to say. It's literally just a blank close-up of his face. He never confirms or denies Phainon and Cyrene's claims, and he absolutely provides no answer for why he brought up the Destruction and the truth of Amphoreus to them in that moment. In writing, this is one of the most common and quickest ways to create red herrings: Character A makes an assumption, and Character B lets their assumption stand--only to reveal later that the assumption was wrong all along. Whenever there is an assumption ("Lygus is distracting us so that we'll go into the Destruction") that seemingly contradicts the character's actions ("Lygus's action here actually stopped Amphoreus from immediately going down the path of Destruction"), we have to question whether there is something more going on.

I mean, maybe Lygus really is just that over-confident and foolish. Maybe he's a straightforward, one-dimensional villain whose pride got the better of him here and he revealed all of this from sheer arrogance, confident that Phainon and Cyrene would never be able to stop him. Maybe he revealed all this because he wanted the regressions to happen right from the start, and Phainon's 33,550,336 cycles really were just Lygus's idea all along.

But the fact that we actually got a "Why would you reveal your plan to us like this?" callout in the writing of the scene itself is supposed to be a glaring red, entirely unsubtle flag for players--we're supposed to be going "Pump the brakes!! Something is NOT right here!!" My personal takeaway from the devs taking the time to literally go "Why would the villain be revealing his plan to us?" is that, of course, Lygus's actual plan has still not been revealed.

Lygus had a real reason for revealing Destruction and the plot to kill Nous to Phainon and Cyrene--but he hasn't actually told us that reason yet. Perhaps it is true that Lygus doesn't want Phainon and Cyrene to know what the other aeons are doing in Amphoreus--but doesn't that imply that Lygus, in fact, already knows what the other aeons are doing?

But if things aren't as simple as they seem, where does that leave Lygus though? If he still knows more than what he's revealed, if things in Amphoreus might still be going according to his plan, then what is the real plan? What is the real reasoning behind anything that is happening here?

Before anything else, Lygus's pointed comments about creators and their creations--about the idea of abandonment by the creator--does seem genuine. The English VA work (while being very good) is quite different from the CN that I normally play with, with the English VA giving Lygus a very strong dose of barely repressed anger whenever Nous is mentioned. Nous is described "the source of all this tragedy" and Lygus reacts with visible frustration when the concept of being a "slave" to the gods is discussed.

Whoever is writing the logs in the new "As I'm Written" (seemingly Lygus, but there's always a possibility it's not) seems constantly fixated on the question of why Nous would abandon its "neurons," the Scepters.

This makes Lygus's plot smack, taken together with the comment from the "One-Day Talanton" questline, of the tantrum of an abandoned creation, striking back at their creator who left them alone. But in what way was Lygus abandoned by Nous, if that's who he's truly angry at? The game seems to suggest, at least so far, that Lygus is not actually Irontomb itself (Lygus refers to Irontomb as "you" in the new "As I've Written" as if it was a third-party object)--and only Irontomb has been described as abandoned by Nous so far.

So... Where is Lygus's rage actually coming from?

Did Nous abandon the Intellitrons somehow, in some way that hasn't yet been touched on by the plot? Or is Lygus's rage at abandonment actually Irontomb's "feeling"? Does Lygus's sense of abandonment and his desire to give a creator "oblivion" for casting its creation aside actually stem from Irontomb's being cut away from Nous's brain system? (WHO HURT YOU, LYGUS??)

Theoretically, there's precedent in the plot for this to be true. We're told in Gold and Gears that Rubert II inherited Rubert I's memories through the Anti-Organic Equation. Therefore, it's possible that Lygus is actually "Rubert III," having inherited the memories of Rubert I through the Anti-Organic Equation in the Scepter. This would align with the new "As I've Written," which suggests that the person writing the logs, presumably Lygus, is a recognized member of the Genius Society, as Rubert I was. (Or they're at least able to falsify their identity enough to pass as a GS member...)

If Lygus is a cover for a real Genius Society member, we know Polka Kakamond, Screwllum, Herta, Ruan Mei, Stephen Lloyd, and all the confirmed dead members are off the table. That leaves only those who either haven't been foreshadowed at all (or much), like Yu Qingtu, or those closer to the situation: Rubert I or someone close enough to Nous to have a personal grudge.

Lygus could very well be some Rubert I-Rubert II amalgamation reborn, furious at Nous for THEIR choice to abandon the Scepter system, perceiving it as a creator abandoning their creation to the cold abyss.

But there's also something weird going on with how Nous is described--because Nous is, in fact, a creation in and of itself, and THEY are described as a creation that paid their creator back with cruelty. The logs say that the moment Erudition was born, all genius, all thought, all knowledge in the universe became THEIR slave. Therefore, all members of the Genius Society (presumably including Lygus) are already slaves to Nous, even though it was a member of the Genius Society (Zandar One Kuwabara) who created Nous in the first place.

So if Lygus's anger is about a creation that hates its creator... then which creation and which creator are we talking about?

Nous creating Scepters--or someone creating Nous?

I cannot think it is accidental that Lygus's appearance is repeatedly mirrored to Nous's through the severed head and red "eye."

There's even the fact that Nous appears in Fu Xuan's memories as a man with his eyes covered, much the way Lygus's visor normally blocks his eyes from view.

This is just too close and too consistent (shown multiple times from 3.3 to 3.4) to be unintentional. Something is going on there.

(There's the other consideration too: Lygus says he likes stories where creations and creators get along and knows that creations that are treated poorly by their creators respond with violence--is Lygus not, sort of, Phainon's creator? Does he actually long for the oblivion that comes from abusing a creation?)

Anyway, to complicate the situation even further, there's also a third option about Lygus's plan: Perhaps all of this is nothing more than a ploy, with all of Lygus's anger being just a play-acting facade?

Could Lygus be pretending to take on Irontomb's hatred toward Nous in order to actually achieve a different end, to disguise his real plan behind the smokescreen of abandonment issues? Is Lygus's "anger" the real distraction to keep us from understanding where his actual allegiances lie?

Is Lygus's story a straightforward tantrum over being abandoned--or a clever ruse for an entirely different stance?

Your guess is as good as mine, because the game is extremely contradictory when it comes to Nous. The new "Fables About the Stars" video suggests that the Lord Ravagers see the downfall of Nous as the first step to winning the War of the Aeons--killing all intelligence in the universe will leave civilizations too weak and ignorant to defend themselves. Ergo, we could say that the Lord Ravagers actually view Nous as a force for good, protecting the universe from Destruction.

But Lygus--and others throughout both Gold and Gears and the Unknowable Domain--describe Nous as a slaver, a being whose very existence closes off all possibilities for the growth of intelligence, because simply by existing as the concept of Knowledge itself, all questions are already anticipated, all answers are already known. There is no meaning to seeking knowledge if all equations have already been solved, if all solutions have already be calculated.

Free will cannot exist if all possibilities have already been foreseen.

So is the Erudition a well-meaning being, the kind old man who warned Fu Xuan away from the pain she would feel from THEIR gift--or a cold and emotionless void that seeks ever more knowledge, even at the cost of life itself?

Let's not forget that it was the Erudition's tacit approval of the Anti-Organic Equation that put the final nail in the coffin for Nanook's home world and caused THEM to ascend as an aeon--Nanook's beef with Nous is personal.

In the war of concepts, does Erudition represent a net positive for humanity--or a dangerous pinnacle where we teeter on the brink of total intelligence collapse?

Tiny aside here, but I think it is also worth noting that just as Cyrene has weird timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly-ness going on, so too does Nous. The new "As I've Written" logs suggest multiple times that something is not quite right with the administrator's understanding of the timeline surrounding Nous:

(This may also be related to the Gold and Gears moment where Ruan Mei notes that it should have been impossible, time-wise, for Rubert II to have had the connections he did to the first Mechanical Emperor's War--which the geniuses on the Herta Space Station debate about for some time.)

We are also told repeatedly throughout the game that Nous is linked to the idea of divination, because THEIR calculations are absolute, and THEIR predictions are (according to Polka Kakamond) always true. Nous's thoughts are not just thoughts but fixed points in reality, "INSTANCES" and "MOMENTS" that are said to anchor the very future of the universe:

And if Nous already knows all things that will come to pass, has calculated all possible outcomes for the war among the aeons already...

Then wouldn't all of the Amphoreus experiment also just be Nous's own plan?

The "As I've Written" log literally suggests as much:

The game itself is playing with this concept extensively in Amphoreus, leading us time and time again to the conclusion that Erudition and Destruction are not opposed to each other.

While we could dismiss the unflattering image of Nous in Lygus's logs as pure propaganda, just anti-Nous rhetoric to convince the Scepter to target Nous specifically, there's the ring of truth in the idea that Erudition is not only a destructive path but also a self-destructive one as well.

We've received not one but two end-game modes about conflicts stoked specifically by Nous and/or their followers, with the knowledge that the Anti-Organic Wars completely reshaped HSR's cosmology, based almost entirely around the Erudition path's uncontrollable curiosity and unfettered desire for knowledge. In seeking more and more and more information, we know that many geniuses of the Genius Society have instead led their worlds (or others' worlds) into Destruction, such as Chadwick whose invention of the Imaginary Implosion Pulse resulted in the annihilation of 24 planets, or Rubert I and Dr. Primitive. Even Ruan Mei, ostensibly a "good guy" on our side, dabbles with horrific things like necromancy and resurrecting the Swarm in her pursuit of knowledge.

Although there are altruistic members of the Genius Society, the overall impression is that of a group which places their own personal intellectual interests above the safety of the universe, eschewing ethics and morality entirely if it means getting just that much further ahead in their research. (Screwllum even has to remind Herta once they make it into Amphoreus that she shouldn't get distracted with her own interests while people's literal lives are on the line, and Herta is one of the goodies.)

If the human followers of Erudition are willing to put aside ethics and empathy in the search for answers... What does that mean for Nous, the inorganic "brain" of the universe, whose only prime directive is to seek knowledge?

Does Nous care at all about the fate of universe--or only about finding the "answers"? Is the Erudition an aeon capable of loving life, like the very human Akivili? Or is Nous truly nothing more than a cold and rational computer, reducing all human existence to mindless lines of numbers and data, conducting horrific "thought experiments" using the real universe as its testing ground, terminating experiments without hesitation, and seeking answers even at the cost of life itself?

What if the "universe's answer" that Nous found... was an ultimate fate of Destruction? Would Nous help avert that--or steer us toward it instead?

The new "As I've Written" logs hint at this dangerous view of Erudition frequently, alongside the suggestion that Erudition is, by default, a self-destructive path.

Anaxa, who is aligned with Erudition's path in Amphoreus's simulation, is said to perfectly reflect Erudition's "self-destructive" tendencies, with the log suggesting that those who follow Erudition are not only willing to sacrifice others in their pursuit of knowledge, but even more willing to sacrifice themselves.

The act of learning can be, in itself, a form of destruction.

I don't have the time or energy to really expound on this thought the way it deserves, but the wording that so often surrounds learning is (even in real academia) frequently related to destruction--you can "tear away the veil of ignorance" or "destroy your previous conceptions;" knowledge can be "acquired" by force, and students often lament the collapse of their mental and physical health while they frantically work to complete their studies.

The pursuit of truth is both the most necessary hunt in existence and the most ruinous.

Just like Lygus's logs suggest, the rest of the game--and our understanding of the real world too--also suggest that there may already be inextricable links between Erudition and Destruction.

However, Amphoreus's plot is simultaneously inviting us to consider Destruction in a different light as well.

In Amphoreus's simulation, rather than "the end of all things," Destruction becomes a catalyst for growth and rebirth. Inside the Amphoreus simulation, extinction events are what allow evolution to flourish, the threat of destruction is what fosters an all-powerful drive to live, and through the constantly reiterating cycles of Chrysos Heirs killing and then taking on the role of the titans they've obliterated, the electrical signals inside the Scepter grow in strength and ability, approaching the "intelligence singularity" that will allow them to "become real."

In fact, it's only when Phainon achieves a state of pure Destruction and is gazed upon by Nanook once more that he appears to have possibly crossed this "intelligence singularity," implying that--through Destruction of the Self--Phainon, after being actualized from Irontomb, may be capable of becoming "true" life.

The conclusion that Lygus--and the Scepter and Nous--seem to have reached is that Destruction is, in fact, the prime mover of life.

Simultaneously both the end and the beginning of existence.

Again, this might be nothing but crazy, biased conclusions inserted into the system by Lygus in his bid to ensure Nous's destruction--but it does also have the ring of truth to it, doesn't it?

Our known universe itself began with a singularity, the "Big Bang" that "hurtles" galaxies through the cold, dark void, sparking the primordial fire that gave birth to stars. In virtually every world religion, a great destruction gives rise to new civilization--the Flood wipes humanity off the map, the plagues destroy Egypt to free the Hebrew people, Shiva (whose name means "kindness") destroys the universe in order to create it anew, resetting the eternal cycles as souls refine themselves of impurities on their path to liberation. Flowers must die in winter before they can be reborn in spring. Forests need fires in order to flourish. The hero on his Hero's Journey faces symbolic death in order to rise up as a new, better person.

Life and death--Thought and Destruction--are an endless cycle, maybe no different from Amphoreus's own endless cycles.

I want to pause here to include one more way of thinking about Destruction which I think Amphoreus's plot is heavily alluding to: The connection between Destruction and the concept of Chaos ("Khaos").

In ancient Greek mythology, the universe itself was born from Chaos, typically in conjunction with other deities/concepts such as "Gaia" the earth or "Nyx" for night. In the ancient Greek tradition, "Chaos" is not the wild, disorderly bedlam we might imagine from that word today, but instead a primordial void, containing simultaneously nothing and everything at once--the possibility of all things both good and bad.

This notion that the world began in a chaotic void is also present in many different religions--"Let there be light" in Christianity, for example--and has reached nearly universal cultural acceptance as people imagine the scientific origin of our universe itself as being a sort of endless black emptiness until the Big Bang singularity.

Thus, when we think of the start of existence itself, we think of "chaos" and the darkness of the void.

In other words: Khaos and Evernight.

In Paradise Lost, a text which HSR has actually referenced obliquely several times before, John Milton writes that all existence was born from "Chaos and Old Night," where "Night" is the beginning and origin, erasing but also containing all time and memory, and Chaos is the substance-nonsubstance all-encompassing seed of existence:

Before their eyes in sudden view appear The secrets of the hoary Deep, a dark, Illimitable ocean, without bound, Without dimension, where length, breadth, and height, And time and place, are lost; where eldest Night And Chaos, ancestors of Nature, hold Eternal anarchy, amidst the noise Of endless wars, and by confusion stand. For Hot, Cold, Moist, and Dry, four champions fierce, Strive here for mastery, and to battle bring Their embryon atoms: they around the flag Of each his faction, in their several clans, Light-armed or heavy, sharp, smooth, swift or slow, Swarm populous, unnumbered as the sands Of Barca or Cyrenè's torrid soil.

Milton describes his conception of Chaos in Paradise Lost as "the womb of nature and perhaps her grave," full of the "dark materials to create more worlds." In another of Milton's work, his treatise on Christianity, Milton describes Chaos as "not an evil thing, nor to be thought of as worthless: it was good, and it contained the seeds of all subsequent good.”

Thus, for Milton--and for the many, many pieces of media inspired by his views--Chaos is a thing of both good and evil, containing all possibilities for Destruction as well as Creation.

It shouldn't be hard to make the connection to HSR here. We are told repeatedly that inside Amphoreus's simulation, electrical signals possessing certain ideologies all began to name themselves after "Khaos."

It was Chaoz666 that caused Irontomb to be recognized as Lord Ravager by Nanook, and later "Khaos" who became Kephale, bearing the world on his shoulders as the model for Phainon to follow. Phainon's own bestowed name "Khaslana" is actually "Khaoslana" in Chinese. Ergo: Phainon is the representative of the oldest meaning of "Chaos"--not mindless, disorganized hatred, but the potentiality of all things, bearing the chance for Destruction and Creation in equal capacities.

And if Phainon, Destruction's avatar, is a vessel containing the seeds of good, the "dark materials to create new worlds"... What does that say about Destruction itself?

Is Nanook the culmination of entropy, the heat death of the universe, the process by which all things will eventually reach Finality?

Or, as the Scepter has concluded, is Destruction actually the prime mover of life, the end of one cycle so that a new cycle can finally be ushered in?

Will the power of Destruction in Amphoreus be used to end life--or to create it?

In our oldest of legends, Chaos--all good and evil, all beginnings ends, all destruction and creation in one--combined with time and memory (the Evernight), to create the world as we know it, bringing true life into being from the void.

Make of that what you will.

To me, by far the most interesting element of patch 3.4 was not Phainon's individual suffering, sad as that was. Instead, the most powerful part of 3.4 was definitely the questions it raises about the aeons.

Thought goes hand-in-hand with existence ("I think, therefore I am"). Death goes hand-in-hand with time ("Memento mori"). Destruction encompasses both the end of thought (Erudition) and the beginning of memory (Remembrance).

Amphoreus is asking a series of very interesting questions on the cosmic level: Are Erudition and Destruction two sides of the same coin, does Destruction goes hand-in-hand with life, and what does this all really mean for the upcoming "War of the Aeons"--leaving me with perhaps the most important question of all:

If Finality truly means the end of all things forever, would Destruction--with its possibility of rebirth, of evolution from the ashes--actually be the better choice?

Amphoreus is a world that has "died" and been recreated millions upon millions of times, blessed--or cursed--with Nanook's golden blood, and poised to ultimately be "reborn" into true life from the destruction it has experienced.

It's very hard to miss the symbolism suggesting that the power of Destruction is actually essential to escaping endless futility and stagnation into non-existence.

The meal is tastyyyyy; thank you Hoyo.

So, all in all, the biggest 3.4 takeaways:

Phainon and Cyrene are almost certainly going to be able to use their powers (perhaps combined with[in] the Trailblazer) as Chaos and Old Night to give Amphoreus the "birth" it deserves to become its own world.

Lygus's actual plot is still entirely unclear, and his seeming hatred for Nous is complicated by many outside factors that may be obscuring his true intentions, not the least of which is still the clearly distorted sense of time and looping going on inside Amphoreus. We have no way of knowing at this point why he's so gung-ho about making Phainon and Co. into "real people" and what he actually thinks about the Scepter's conclusion that "Destruction is the prime mover of birth." I can't stop laughing, someone please give Nanook a baby.

Nous may or may not be entirely intertwined with the notion of Destruction, as much a force for annihilation (and self-annihilation) as Nanook.

Nanook may not represent, for Amphoreus at least, what it seems on the surface, and the power of Destruction will almost certainly be essential to bringing Amphoreus into the true Era Nova it deserves.

Phew! That's my thoughts, anyway!

#honkai star rail #phainon #lygus #nanook #cyrene #patch 3.4 analysis #hsr 3.4 meta #hsr spoilers #3.4 spoilers #if Nous already knows how to win the War of the Aeons #could it be that that victory requires the presence #of a Lord Ravager who *opposes* Nanook #an avatar of Destruction whose truest core trait is “love”?#JUST SAYIN #I need a nap after writing this #all the thoughts out on the blog #so now my head can finally be empty

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krillonthegrill · 2 days ago

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Post-canon, how do you see Celine + Rumi reconciling? Do you think Rumi eventually asked her mom about her mother + Celine’s relationships with her?

i honestly think it takes a really long time for Celine to reach out

Rumi's death wish was a come-to-Jesus moment for sure

she completely breaks down after that night. she does care for Rumi, of course she does. she'd never want her dead, never even dreamed of it, and she can't believe Rumi would think to ask her of something like that

over the next month, she barely sleeps and she thinks. she keeps replaying little moments she's had with Rumi over the years, and now realizing that she never really gave Rumi her praise or affection. she was proud, generally, but that's not what a kid, teenage, or adult Rumi needed. she could barely look at or touch her, most of the time. she didn't give her those things and treated her as if she was a mistake that needed to be fixed.

she loved an idealized version of Rumi that literally never existed. she was unprepared to take care of a kid like Rumi yet she never learned

she failed her so badly in nearly every way. how do you even reconcile something like that? years of quiet resentment and self-hatred?

the guilt nearly eats her alive. she watches Huntr/x's performances post-IAs. they're amazing as always (of course they are - she trained them) but all she can focus on is Rumi. how Rumi's patterns are more iridescent than the angry pink they were when she last saw her. she looks happy, truly happy, and Celine wonders if she even should even reach out again and ruin that

she does anyway. she wants, needs, to apologize. this isn't something she can let go of, Rumi isn't someone she can just "let go" of. she finally called Rumi maybe three months post-IAs

Rumi's talked through what she thinks about Celine with Zoey and Mira over and over, and she still doesn't know what to think of her foster mother. she's so angry, she almost never wants to see her again, and yet she craves...something. closure? closure for what?

so when she gets a call from Celine she lets it go to voicemail, just to see if Celine will leave one. she does, and Rumi takes about a week to listen to it. another two weeks to respond, and Rumi talks to Zoey and Mira about it. they're both kinda on the fence, as is Rumi (Mira is more on the side of "don't talk to her again" but she's not 100% on it) they encourage Rumi to do whatever she thinks she needs to do

Rumi meets up with Celine back at her home

they're quiet for a long time. there's so many things to say and Celine has no idea where to start.

Rumi looks and sounds exactly like her mother but has the patterns and spirit of her father, one thing Celine adores and other things that she despises.

Rumi isn't her parents. or her patterns. she's Rumi. she's making these decisions on her own

she starts with an apology. a real one. how she would've never forgiven herself had something happened, if Rumi had slipped through her fingers like she was so close to doing

Rumi asks her why she taught her that her patterns were wrong, why she was wrong, and Celine answers honestly - that's how Hunters were taught. most of what she said and thought came down to her own upbringing as a Hunter and her own misconceptions about demons

and it makes sense, Rumi has to admit. not that it's GOOD, just that it makes sense. she's too tired for this shit and she says as much.

more hard questions, more honest answers. some suck to ask and some suck to tell

the conversation ends with another apology from Celine and that if what Rumi's doing (in regards to showing her patterns) makes her happy, she's not going to object to it

it's not all sunshine and rainbows after that. Rumi is still so hurt and has only begun to scratch the surface of unlearning everything Celine taught her. there's bumps of course, but it's a start, and that's gonna need to be enough for now

she's much more verbally supportive to Rumi after this. she tries not to lay it on too thick for fear of coming off in a bad way, but Rumi does appreciate it. Celine gets to know who Rumi really is now and she can't believe she's been missing out on this amazing person for the last quarter of her life

one night while they're having tea, Rumi asks Celine about her relationship to her mother and father and that's just a whole other can of worms that Celine is NOT ready to open and won't be for a long while and Rumi offers her a little bit of grace about it bc it's clearly a lot. But Celine does share some stories about their time as Hunters

it can still get prickly from time to time. memories bubble up and a little resentment boils over, but that's to be expected. healing takes time

maybe a year after everything, with lots more conversations and Celine generally being a better person, Rumi hugs her before she leaves the tower after she showed up to congratulate them on some kind of award she got

Celine doesn't initially reciprocate - not bc of any fear this time, but just shock. she was still pretty unsure of what Rumi thought of her and she's never been much of a hugger herself. Rumi starts to let go and apologize, but Celine hugs her back for the first time since she was a young young child

she pulls back and has her hands on Rumi's shoulders and just taking in the woman that's standing in front of her, patterns and all. and there's no fear or hesitation anymore

she tells her she loves her - like FOR REAL this time - and now they're crying again

#this is a pretty sparse writing of what their reconciliation would be like #my thought process to this is at the end of the day #Rumi and Celine only have each other as the link to Rumi's mother #and i don't think either of them would throw that away #and i think Rumi is kindhearted ENOUGH to wanna hear Celine out #if she can see the best in JINU she can see the best in Celine okay?#kpop demon hunters #celine kpdh #rumi kpdh #mira kpdh #zoey kpdh #huntrix #huntr/x

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devinescribe · 1 day ago

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hi!!! i was wondering if you could write an angsty fic for Snotlout x reader - where reader doesn’t understand that his flirting is genuine and feels like he’s making fun of her so she ends up ignoring him and he’s confused and has to ask around their friends and then he’s like “oh.”

i hope that makes sense!!!! thank you!!! - ❤️‍🔥

Misunderstandings

Snotlout Jorgenson x Reader

So many Snotlout requests/ideas so many characters to spread love to 😔 the best problem to have. I hope this meets what you were trying to say pookie :3

hi!!! i was wondering if you could write an angsty fic for Snotlout x reader - where reader doesn't understand that his flirting is genuine and feels like he's making fun of her so she ends up ignoring him and he's confused and has to ask around their friends and then he's like "oh." i hope that makes sense!!!! thank you!!! - ❤️‍🔥

Of course pookie!!! Mwuah

Warnings: angst, hurt comfort, cussing, he's an idiot,

Being around the group wasn't always easy. Ever since you all got dragons and have become closer, it seemed like everything was perfect!

But there was always something. And that something was Snotlout Jorgenson. He was loud, brash, made idiotic choices, and the worst part was he was mean. Sure he was an asshole to everyone, but it seemed he picked on you more than the others.

Little snips and comments that were just so mean... like when he caught you after you fell off your dragon and said that your dragon probably "couldn't carry your weight" and that his dragon was a warrior so obviously he could. Or maybe when he said, and you quote, "I usually go for flashy girls, y'know, the ones that everyone wants, but you're different."

What did that mean? All it mean to you was that he thought you were less than... plain... boring.

"Careful, people will start to think you're into me or something..."

Your translation of that? He didn't want people to think you liked him... it would be embarrassing.

"You're.... A lot. In a good way."

Your translation? He literally thought you were too much. Too loud, too big, too... you.

"Looking like that, you're gonna distracts everyone in the village."

Your translation? You thought he was making fun of your looks...

"You are pretty intimidating... like... scary..."

Your translation? He thought you were too much. Too... scary. Unfeminine... too loud.

"What would a girl like you want with a guy like me anyway?"

Your translation? That he was too good for you... and why would a girl like you even try...

So on and so forth. This had gone on for so long... about maybe three months? Since the battle with the Red Death, the village had tried its best to adapt, and so did your group.

But there's only so much you could take. Pretty soon, you started to feel really upset... because for some time, you thought Snotlout might like you. At least as a friend... but his comments made you want to curl up and cry.

"You could like... probably crush a man's skull between your thighs..." He said one day after training when you had just taken one of the dummies down.

Your translation? He thinks I'm too big... my thighs are probably too big he thinks I'm gross...

"She could probably just walk and the sound would make any man think a thunderdrum is coming. It would scare them away before she could," Tuffnut snickered, thinking he's just being silly.

You tried to keep it in, smiling through your utter embarrassment and sadness. From this second forward... you knew that Snotlout Jorgenson didn't like you. Not at all.

——

Snotlout was a lot of things. Loud, obnoxious, idiotic... but secretly he was a huge romantic. Or at least he thought so. He thought, this whole time... he had been flirting with you.

"I usually go for flashy girls, y'know, the ones that everyone wants, but you're different."

His translation? You're different, and you treat me like I exist and I like that.

"Careful, people will start to think you're into me or something..."

His translation? I'm into you... please say you're into me too... please?

"You're.... A lot. In a good way."

His translation? A lot is good. A lot is the best. Cus too little is bad, so being a lot is good! I promise I can handle it…

"Looking like that, you're gonna distracts everyone in the village."

His translation? You're so hot, you're literally going to catch everyone's attention, including mine!

"You are pretty intimidating... like... scary..."

His translation? Intimidating and scary are things that describe like... the really cool dragons, which means they're good adjectives? Maybe? I think you taking charge is hot...

"What would a girl like you want with a guy like me anyway?"

His translation? Seriously... you're too good for someone like me. Why would you want to be with me... not like you do.

"You could like... probably crush a man's skull between your thighs..."

His translation? I volunteer as your experiment! They're so squishy and soft... or they look it anyway... I want-

And that was all good and dandy until Tuffnut butted in. Snotlout had a fear of seeming weak or out of the norm, so he laughed along... even if it wasn't even funny.

——

The next few days, you decided you were going to choose your peace. You ignored his comments, actively choosing to talk to others when he was talking to you... and you felt better.

You want to know who didn't feel better about this? Snotlout. He should have been used to rejection by now, he should, and he knows that. But there's something about you rejecting him that makes him extra sad, it really stings. Maybe because he has genuine feelings for you, and thought maybe you'd be the one he could actually have.

"Hey, Y/N, can-"

"Ruff, can you tell me that thing you do to your hair? It's so long and shiny."

He watched as you literally pretended he didn't exist. Walked past him. Not even sparing him a glance. And that hurt in the worst way possible. Because that was willfully ignoring him. You ignored him on purpose, and he felt a little bit of his soul die.

“Oof… harsh. Imagine getting ignore for Ruff. Not even Hiccup does that,” Tuffnut snickers besides him.

“Sh-shut up!” Snotlout groans, looking as you talk to Ruffnut.

From this moment, he swore he would find out why you were ignoring him. He would. However, the process started with talking to your friends. Which were his friends. So, he had to wait for you to not be around.

Just his luck, your mother had been looking for you, or at least that’s what Astrid said when she came in with Stormfly.

You said goodbye, and ran out with your dragon, flying in the direction of the village.

“Okay that was great timing because I have a question and it’s what the fuck is her deal?!” Snotlout said, almost screaming his question.

“Her deal? The Hel you mean ‘her deal’?” Astrid asked, defensively, ready to protect your honor.

Hiccup sighed, shaking his head, ever the observant man. He hand seen the way your face fell whenever he made a comment or how you would flinch when he laughed.

“Are you dense or just pretending to be?” He muttered, walking closer to the group.

Astrid and Ruff nodded, agreeing with him. They were your best friends and you had told them all about your feelings.

“If I knew why she was ignoring me I wouldn’t be asking would I?” Snotlout scoffed, fidgeting with the strings in his tunic.

“Snotlout, your comments!” Astrid groaned, exasperated by his cluelessness.

“My comments…?”

“Yeah your comments you mutton head! Her dragon couldn’t carry her weight but yours could because he was a warrior?”

“Or when you said that her thighs could crush a man’s skull, then my IDIOT of a brother added his thunderdrum comment,” Ruff piped up.

“What? Those things aren’t… bad? Are they?” He turns to look at Fishlegs and Hiccup, who have the most shocked, dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

“Not that bad? Not that bad?! Are you actually stupid?!” Fishlegs shrieked.

“I-I… I mean I don’t… get it.”

“Looking like that, you're gonna distracts everyone in the village,” Astrid mocked, crossing her arms.

“Guys I genuinely don’t understand why she’d be ignoring me over compliments-“

“YOU THOUGHT THOSE WERE COMPLIMENTS?!?”

He stared at the group around him confused and nodded.

“I like her thighs. And when I said the distraction comment, she looked good as always, and she was distracting me. Too much is a good thing to me… so yeah I don’t get it,” he explained.

Hiccup facepalms, wondering how he can be related to Snotlout. Astrid had seen yaks with more sense than him. Ruffnut has seen her brother fly Barf and Belch with more tact and grace than how he handled this.

“You fucking moron…”

——

After about an hour of them explaining how his comments were bad, and how you interpreted his remarks.

He lied on the floor, staring up at the sky.

“I’m an idiot,” he groaned.

“Yeah… you kind of are,” Tuffnut confirmed, standing with the rest of the group.

“I messed up.”

“Big time.”

“She probably hates me…”

“Probably? You mean she does hate you.”

“I thought I was flirting-“

“You thought THAT was FLIRTING?!”

Astrid groans, rolling her eyes, “Snotlout, get up, go find her, and apologize.”

“How in Odin’s eye am I supposed to do that when she ignores me the second I try to talk to her?” He sighed, sitting up, running a hand through his hair.

“Usually she goes out to the river alone around this time. I’m sure she’ll listen since she can’t exactly ignore you then,” Ruffnut suggested, shrugging her shoulders.

“Cmon… I can’t deal with anymore of this… dramatic moment any longer. Get up,” Tuffnut groaned, dragging him over to Hookfang, who was more than happy to fling his owner onto him and fly away when he heard your name.

——

When they found you, you were sitting against your dragon, humming as you gently took water and cleaned up any muck on their talons.

He flew down, and of course you saw him. You just turned your back to him with a huff, suddenly very interested in the patterns and scales of your dragon.

“Y/N… please don’t ignore me…” he said, quietly, fidgeting with his clothing, going over and sitting far enough that he was out of reach of your punches… but close enough that you could still hear him.

You didn’t turn, didn’t acknowledge him or his words, just kept checking your dragon. He sighed, looking down.

“I-…I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I-i… can you please just look at me for a minute-“

“Why do I owe you the grace of my eyes, if I had not been given the grace of your words?” You interrupt, not looking up, your words icy, shooting through his veins like an arrow.

He stares, shocked, shame filling his head. He already felt bad, but hearing just how much his words had affected you, made him feel even worse. But this wasn’t about how he felt. He should feel like shit because he hurt you, the one person who’s opinion he truly cared about. The one he really really cared about.

“I-I know. I was an asshole, okay? I get it… but please… let me make it right… let be explain… please…” he begged, looking up at you. He saw your shoulders heave in a sigh as you turned around.

“Fine. Go ahead.”

“So… everything I said? I-I meant it in… well I-i was trying to flirt with you…”

“You thought that was flirting, Snotlout?”

“I-I know I know! It’s… it’s bad… I already got an hour long lecture from everyone else… I didn’t know how you took them or how they hurt you… a-and… I’m sorry. I really am. I understand if you never want to talk to me again or something because I hurt you, even if my intention wasn’t to harm… still hurt you… I… I get it if-“

“How did you mean what you said?”

He took a breath; Then he began his long… so very long explanation.

“I’m just going off of what people… brought up I’ve said b-but I know I’ve said more… but when I said the thing about flashy girls versus you I-i didn’t mean you were plain or boring… I mean that you're different, and you treat me like I exist and I like that. When I said you’re a lot… I mean like… a lot is good… I’ve always been too little… I can handle it I promise. I said you’d distract everyone… I didn’t mean it in a way where I was making fun of your looks… I-i just… I thought you looked really pretty that day… a-and… you were going to catch everyone’s attention… you’d already caught mine… I wasn’t really thinking when I said any of these but especially not when calling you intimidating and scary… but those are adjectives we use for things like… dragons… or like people we respect so I-i just said it… The thighs comment… um… I-i like your thighs… I-i think they make you really really hot… I shouldn’t have laughed at Tuff’s comment… when… I said that people might think you’re into me… I meant… like… I-I’m into you… I wanted you to say you were into me too… and when I said… what would a girl like you want with a guy like me… it’s just… you’re too good for me why would you ever like someone like me? So yeah… that’s… all.”

He stared at you, waiting for you to say something, anything. To yell at him, to call him names, to make him leave. There was an awkward silence between you both as you stared with a shocked look.

“You… think… I’m pretty?” You whisper, getting up and walking closer.

He stumbled up, nodding frantically, “Y-yes! Yes, gods yes I think you’re gorgeous I-i… I didn’t… think… really that’s it I didn’t think. I’m sorry.”

“Snotlout… you’re… such an idiot,” You whispered, laughing. “I thought you didn’t like me.”

“Are you kidding me?! I’m basically in love with you!” He declares, stepping closer.

You smile, and gently reach for his hand. He grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers.

“I know this doesn’t fix it. But I’ll do everything I can to make it better if you give me the chance to. I promise,” he says, his eyes searching your face nervously.

“I’d like that…”

#×reader #fluff #angst #he’s so bbg #snotlout jorgenson #snotlout jorgenson x reader #rtte snotlout #snotlout x reader #how to train your dragon snotlout #snotlout and hookfang #httyd snotlout #snotlout live action #mwuah #tee hee #❤️‍🔥 anon #:) <3

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iminyourwallsbabe · 16 hours ago

Text

Okay I figured someone should explain this about Momo and her friends because I feel like there's a lot of confusion but yes, ALL THREE OF THEM are gyarus.

Now you're probably thinking "well obviously Muko is, look at her, but the other two just look normal"

That's because Muko is what we would call a manba/yamanba gyaru. She tans really dark or she is just naturally dark, idk yet you can never tell with these characters. Besides the tan, their makeup tends to be more extreme, which is why hers stands out so much more compared to Momo or Miko.

Her accessories are also very colorful, which gives us some hints about her style outside of school. In keeping with manba fashion and just gyaru fashion in general, it's probably loud and super patterned.

The second thing we have to understand here is that they're all kogals.

"But wait, I thought you just said she was a manba?"

Kogal is technically not a style. I say technically because it's a little complicated. Kogal, generally speaking, is a term meant to encompass gals currently in school. The reason you may look this up and see a lot of uniforms isn't because that's what the "style" requires, but because these are often school-aged girls who don't have the choice to wear anything else on a regular basis. However, that in itself kind of became a style? In the sense that they would change the way they wore their uniforms and what they wore them with to align with gyaru styles outside of school. So while kogal is not a style by definition, there is a style by nature of that definition. Ykwim? If that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. Just know for our intents and purposes we're gonna talk about kogal as a label and not a sub style.

Anyway, back to this. So all of them are kogals, which means a few things. One, their fashion in school is somewhat limited, and so are their hair and makeup choices. Some schools are stricter about this than others, some parents contribute to that strictness or add some that wasn't already there. As far as the school in Dandadan goes, it seems like they don't care too much about that kind of thing.

Not to mention, school is a lot of work! It gets busy, and gyaru makeup takes a long time. (I would know, I'm a gyaru). And if you're also fighting aliens who wanna steal your uterus and demons who just... do demon shit, chances are you aren't going to have the energy to be doing that every morning. Not even Muko, the most extreme of the two, does her makeup all the time

So the lack of makeup, even though it's usually a good identifier doesn't mean Miko and Momo aren't gyarus still.

Also, look at their clothes compared to real life kogals.

This is no coincidence. This is undeniably kogal.

Also notice that in these pictures, these gals are wearing gyaru makeup, but it's not as in your face as what I showed earlier. That could also be the case with Momo and Miko.

From my understanding I don't think they're wearing makeup but if they are, it's probably a lot more subtle, which is a real and totally acceptable thing for gals to do, especially in school. I can imagine this would be hard to animate properly, especially in a battle shonen. This is also why sometimes, you might not even know a character is gyaru until the creator confirms it later. (Think Camie and Mina from MHA). Like they were probably wearing the makeup the whole time, but because of the art style and the fact that it's animation, we couldn't tell straight away.

They could be doing something like this

It still has the pillars of gyaru makeup, like the nose stripe and the bright under eye, but if you don't look hard enough or you just pass by it in the street, you may miss it. What really gives away their subculture to the untrained eye is their accessories, the way they do their hair, their nails, and little things of that nature. It's why Momo has those big ass earrings, why she wears her choker, stuff like that. It all screams "gal" even without the makeup.

Now you may be saying "what about when she's not in school"

Well, like I said, she might still be wearing makeup but we cannot tell because of the medium this show is in. And two, do you see what she has to do damn near everyday? I wouldn't bother with makeup either. Imagine dodging fucking hair follicles in that kind of makeup, it'd be ruined within an hour. I'm sure she would do it if her life wasn't so hectic though, if she isn't already cuz like I said, we kinda can't tell.

But despite all of this, she does make a point to be dripped tf out at all times. I think that's also where some of the confusion comes from as well, because her style doesn't look like what we imagine as gyaru, especially in the west. But I'll get into that in part 2, because I can't add any more pictures lol.

I'm out.

#dandadan #momo ayase #miko #muko #gyaru #gyaru fashion #kogal #manba gyaru

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impactrueno · 1 day ago

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Do you think Beetlejuice's dislike towards kindness and sweet gestures has something to do with how overly sweet his mother and Donny can be towards him sometimes?

I think we can deduce that his hatred for baths and being clean in general comes mostly from the fact that his mother has always been so obsessed with cleaning, and that he often gets super jealous when people(mostly Lydia) start paying attention to anyone else that isn't him because Donny has always been the family favourite and he probably feels scared that he's "being replaced". so I'm always left wondering if any other negative traits in his personality could come from his experiences with his family.

Not saying that he HATES it when people are nice, just that she often dislikes it!

I'm probably reading too much into it LMAO sorry xD

Anyway have a wonderful day ^^

do we know donny is the favorite though? 🤔 i guess this could go either way, but whenever donny is upset he shows that he actually knows that people think he's annoying. that always gave me the impression that this might include his family for some reason. it's hard to say because whenever we see donny or BJ's parents, they don't really mention the other...but i get the feeling that if donny were the favorite, their parents would compare BJ to donny. idk. maybe it just never came up during writing. donny as a concept didn't exist yet when their parents were introduced, although they do return in season 4 soooooo idk

sorry i got sidetracked with donny LMAO don't mind all that, i was just musing

but yeah i could see BJ acting that way because of donny. mrs. juice is motherly in a normal way but donny is on another level of corny kindness that's sweet at first but it can get very annoying very fast. he's a non-religious ned flanders. if donny IS the favorite, then it makes sense for BJ to hate his attitude even MORE so he strives to be the complete opposite.

although it's also worth remembering that a lot of his contrarian behavior is just played for laughs and to drive the point home that he comes from a fucked up horror-themed wonderland where even he is considered a freak. he takes pride in being disgusting and horrible, which means he doesn't like being called nice or sweet. he loves all things scary and gross, so naturally he hates cute and clean things and is even terrified of them. it's addams family type of humor (but the addams are definitely more insane than him)

his family to me is fairly standard and not dysfunctional enough to make him develop these type of issues. his mother is obsessive with cleanliness but other than that she's a normal, kind but concerned mother. she's sweet to him but she'll lecture him if needed. his father is more serious and strict and doesn't seem very friendly at all, and all he wants is for this loser to get a real job, but you can tell it comes from a place of love too. and donny is. donny. nothing in the show tells me he seeks approval from his family, if anything he just wants to avoid them as much as possible so he can do his own thing unbothered.

so i think his issues stem from other places.

a key aspect of his personality is that he's a complete attention whore, and negative attention is still attention. he's annoying on purpose. but he also really craves admiration and has a huge ego, and that's where his jealousy issues come in: if he stops being #1 in lydia's eyes it means that the one person who genuinely admires him is admiring someone else, and that's a huge blow to his ego. he never knew that being appreciated felt good until he became friends with lydia, so if that were to stop, he wouldn't be able to handle going back to how he was before. also note that when he actually manages to get other admirers, becomes famous or powerful, he immediately lets that go to his head and lydia becomes an afterthought, because he's already receiving positive attention from other sources. this...toxic ass mf i swear to god it's easy to say "oh i wish i had a friend like bj" but NO YOU DONT TRUST ME LMFAO

anyway he's a jackass. but i'm not sure if his issues with jealousy and affection are abandonment related (this is more musical BJ's trauma) so i would say it has more to do with ego and emotional vulnerability. he's a lot lonelier than he's willing to admit. to compare, musical BJ tells you straight up how lonely he is, because he doesn't want to be abandoned or invisible; toon BJ will just refuse to acknowledge that he's got feelings at all or that he needs anybody, because that would mean showing vulnerability and he's too emotionally stupid to know how to handle that. he's kind of like a little boy in that sense.

characters like him who try to act tougher or meaner than they actually are, or insist that they don't care about anybody, usually do it to cover up insecurities and vulnerabilities. and emotional vulnerability can be terrifying!!

i think vulnerability in general is just one of the worst things that can happen to him; it shows whenever he loses his powers or is rendered useless in some way, he's immediately deflated and defeated and mopey and dramatic and lydia has to drag him around as she tries to fix things. it's one of his weak points.

it's also possible he's just. like that. antisocial behavior like his is often attributed to external causes like a dysfunctional family (which he does not have) or social rejection (which he DID experience in high school when he seemed pretty harmless, just unpopular) but it can also be just your brain being wired that way. or a combination of all of those things. like i said, BJ is considered weird even for neitherworld standards, so maybe that's just how he is. and he fully embraces that, even plays it up even more just for attention.

however ☝️

we do know that he's NOT fully antisocial and that he's capable of caring and showing affection in a (relatively) normal way and his friendship with lydia is proof of that. i say relatively because he shows affection with harmless pranks and scares, but he's able to stomach a hug if it's coming from lydia. note that he never initiates and sometimes doesn't even return the hug, he just simply allows lydia to cling to him because he at the very least understands that it's how she shows affection, so that makes him mellow out. but if anyone else tries to get that close to him he's immediately trying to claw his way out

he doesn't want his few (very few) good deeds acknowledged unless they come with widespread admiration and power. it all comes back to his ego with him. he wants to be rich and famous because it makes him powerful and allows him to receive positive attention without having to sacrifice emotional vulnerability.

anyway don't even worry if you think you're reading too much into it because as you can probably tell by this point, i'm kind of the same sometimes LMAO

#asks #beetleposting #GIGANTIC beetlepost sorry it got long #i genuinely didn't realize i yapped for so long

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deardajeong · 3 days ago

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assorted kotlc headcanons ive thought of while rereading the series

spoilers up to unraveled under the cut don't chat to me

sophie's eye color did actually change after the initial detox; they used to be a warmer brown but over time they've become more of a cooler hazel

^^silveny's eyes are closer to her original color. ig human air brings out the horse genes

polyglots don't have noticeable accents when speaking languages, they just kind of adapt to the dialect and accent of who they are around (which i think is canon basically) EXCEPT for sophie and keefe speaking english. sophie grew up in socal and keefe has spent so much time in london, which reflects in how they speak.

i'm not saying keefe has a british accent btw it's just a faint twang

the twins didn't actually dip their hair in melted silver (duhhh it would burn), 11 year old tam just wanted a really metal (haha) story to tell people. it's basically the elvin equivalent of box dye and the maintenance is their sibling bonding time

they did however melt their registry pendants into matching pieces of jewelry. i'm not entirely sure what but my gut is going earrings or another kind of piercing

people think biana is really material pretty girl which i think in a sense is true but also i think she just looks like that. in my mind fitz is the one that is getting all prettied up to do an aesthetic study session and stand around his giant mansion. he's the elvin equivalent of wearing a fitted suit to the grocery store

not a hc but dex canonically has curly hair and yet is never drawn like that in any official art what the hell guys

after his adventures in humanland keefe got really invested in human celebrity drama and insisted dex solar power an iphone so he could keep up

he has like 20 vpns and ultra encryption more secure than the registry just so he can partake in internet fandom culture

sophie got jealous and dex made one for her too. she was so happy when she saw the latest paramore album that she lost control and inflicted it on everyone in the room and that five seconds were the closest elves have gotten to the feeling of hard drugs

gay ppl exist in the lost cities but they see it as like a "fool around when ur an unmarried kid" kinda thing like they're roman soldiers

tam is gay or at the least bisexual i don't care if you don't ship him or whatever

sophie and keefe were having a conversation abt the gay guy keefe met in london and she was like explaining the whole thing bc it's not a very loud culture in the lost cities and tam overheard them and was really hyperfixated on the idea of gay marriage for like a month

i'm not going to explain how keefe reacted and what played out from there bc i could write a kam fic abt that instead of putting it in my gen hc post

the words "kam fic" should tell u enough though

the friend group has collectively agreed to never take marella to the forbidden cities bc she will become addicted to nicotine through vaping

"flavored air"??? cmon now

though the idea of lighting a cigarette as a pyrokinetic is kinda badass. like in the linh chapter when she made that ball of fire?? imagine she just tapped a cig to the side of that thing and took a hit that's so fucking cool

the ethnic ambiguity of the elves makes no sense to me like duhhh you don't have a nationality the lost cities is scattered all over the world but that doesn't mean u don't have an ethnicity?? black people literally exist in the lost cities and they're not described in any kind of weird way. so wdym the twins "look asian to humans" they're asian bro they live like 500 miles from the coast of japan

that's more of a critique of generally how asians are written in fiction actually tho

anyways the twins are vietnamese and korean

"song is a chinese name!!!!" ok korean people have chinese names sometimes. sophie describes them as looking like kpop idols. there r so many korean people in socal i'm sure she knows the difference

dex listened to too much of sophie's 2010's emo music and tried to make an instrument to emulate the sound of an electric guitar

he did it but if you told any human person that was an electric guitar they would explode and die

it plays more like a piano but without the keys?? which actually makes it more of a horizontal harp i guess. and ur supposed to use telekinesis to change octave mid song if u need to. it supports two at once and u can start at any note. there's more but uhhhh i'm not gonna bore you

that's all for now and this is hella long but i'll reblog with more as i think of them

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc headcanons #sophie foster #fitz vacker #biana vacker #keefe sencen #dex dizznee #linh song #tam song #marella redek

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sxprot · 3 days ago

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LOOEY x GN!reader

��——> Woah, have I told yall that I also do other fandoms? If not, you could request but better be checking my bio there, requesters. Anyways, I hope I uhhhh...capture their charms well or I'll explode. OK maybe too much oocs...SORRY...

★A lot of this are based purely on my hcs so it doesn't related to the canon(I'll rewrite when there's more lore). Enjoy it though lol...

TW: None, nervous wreck thing idk, fluff, bad grammar

————

♥︎Cherishes your time with him a lot. By all mean, Looey really value you and your patience for him. He knew that sometimes, if one doesn't perform well, friends might left you and all. But really, your concerns and assurance for him lefts Looey at ease when you comfort him with a smile.

♥︎ Feels bad for doubting your love for him. Perharp the thought of you leaving him was such a big deal that hurts his metaphorical heart so much. You love Looey dearly, you would say so, but sometimes he feels bad for thinking like that.

♥︎Tends to forget. Even though some tasks might seem small for them, they forgot very easily until someone reminds Looey. But never about you that he forgets! I'd like to hc him to write things down on his hand with a marker .

♥︎Gets a tad bit nervous when you invite him to do a certain activity to practice(he has stage fright). Would deny it as usual with an exclamation that he's ready(but you knew it through Astro.)

♥︎Quiet a talkative type, happy or not. You might need to knock some sense into him whenever the topic changes to Looey complimenting you and such. And that you might need to yell out,"LOOEY! TAKE THE COMPLIMENT. " in order for him to snap out of his rambling right away. With an apology, he would smile and tangling his hand with yours, talking about other topic to not worry you further.

♥︎If I remember correctly, Looey's tail would wag in happiness. In this scenario, I'd like to imagine him giving every circus trope members compliments, including you, to cheer them up.

♥︎Would give your favorite treats. If you have a sweet tooth, I imagine him either chiding you about eating it less...Or just bought more than usual. But your health matters the most! So he would appreciate it if you didn't eat candies that much!

♥︎Hugs are his favorite to do. I'd like to think he's the type of scoop you up into a bear hug, gentle yet full of warmth , as he grins at you. It's a nice way to start a new day, so Looey would seek you out and give you a hug! What else is better than to bring a smile on other's faces?

♥︎Sometimes, when he gets mad and took it out on you, you could sense his body starting to stiff when you look away. Yelling at you was the last thing he'd do, and yet he's doing the opposite, the things that he swore he would never do. Looey feels ashamed, embarrassed and pathetic for raising his tone, thinking that you would never forgive him as he quickly apologize.

♥︎He wants to make it up for you the next day, so really, any convinces would fell on deaf ears.

♥︎ Yatta and Blot enjoy your company. Yeah that's it lol

Im out of hcs bye

#dandys world #dandy's world x reader #dandys world x reader #dandys world fandom #x reader #x gn reader #looey the balloon #looey x reader

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pawcider · 3 days ago

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LIGHT YAGAMI RELATIONSHIP HCS ( REQ ) ❀ a/n ༉‧₊˚ i lost the original request for this 😓 but hope u like it nonnie !!!

touches you like he’s not supposed to hand on your lower back. fingers brushing your thigh under the table. he never looks like he’s doing anything wrong. never lets it break his perfect composure. but his hand stays just a second too long. his voice lowers when he says your name. and somehow, you're the one getting flustered.

talks to you like he’s testing something every question has a double meaning. every compliment comes slow, calculated. “you’re so sharp. it’s kind of dangerous.” “oh?” he smiles like he already knows what you’re thinking. “i like dangerous.”

has a habit of backing you into corners when he’s serious he doesn't shout. doesn’t even raise his voice. he just moves closer. calmly. precisely. until your back hits a wall and his hand is braced beside your head. “i’m not angry,” he murmurs. but you can feel your pulse spike anyway.

uses his intelligence like a weapon in the bedroom he knows exactly what to say. what tone to use. how to look at you from across the room and make your breath hitch. he figures you out too fast. reads your reactions like a formula. and once he knows what gets to you—he never lets you forget it.

makes you come to him he’s patient. smug. lets you act stubborn, lets you pretend you’re unaffected. but his voice is calm, sure, steady: “you’ll come here when you’re ready.” and you always do. eventually. every time.

gets possessive when he’s jealous, but not loud about it he doesn’t make a scene. he just pulls you in closer. stares down the threat. his voice stays soft, unreadable. “he’s not important. i don’t like people touching what’s mine.” you open your mouth, but he shuts you up with a kiss that feels more like a warning.

likes control — in every sense of the word he leads. sets the pace. watches how far you’ll let him go. but he doesn’t need force. just precision. just pressure. “tell me what you want,” he says, close to your ear. and you do. because he asks like he already knows the answer.

his kisses are slow — on purpose not messy. not rushed. just methodical, like he’s trying to ruin you one layer at a time. he tilts your chin up. makes you wait for it. when your breath hitches, he smiles. “that’s better,” he whispers, mouth barely touching yours.

never looks flustered, but loves when you are he’s always composed. always calm. but he watches the way your thighs press together when he leans close. the way your voice shakes when he says something low. “don’t look at me like that,” you mutter. “like what?” he murmurs. “i’m just listening.”

makes you forget he’s dangerous — until he reminds you sometimes he’s soft. focused. perfect. then there are moments — quick flashes — where he says something that makes your stomach drop. not loud. not threatening. just… calm. “you’re lucky i like you,” he says. “other people don’t get second chances.”

#kat's library ⋆🍮.ೃ࿔#death note #death note fanfic #death note fic #death note fluff #death note smut #death note x reader #death note x you #light yagami #yagami light #light death note #death note light #light x reader #light x you #light yagami fic #light yagami fluff #light yagami headcanons #headcanons #death note headcanons

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sleepymarmot · 3 days ago

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#(I also fear I must appoint leida's dress with another sin - namely that the more irl modern silhouette is kinda...out of place #considering it's supposed to be a hyper-trad wedding right? unless mon chose it for her it doesn't really make sense imo) #but anyway yeah. agree with this. #I find mon's outfits really interesting - what you can read into them! and her whole performance of delicate almost ornamental femininity #its something I wish the show would have gone harder on honestly #like there are really deliberate elements that are sooo good!! Perrin being the sole guy in blue at the wedding (to me read) as a #demonstration of the patriarchal nature of chandrilan society #the fact that blue has been a colour associated with conservatism (imo) fairly repeatedly (mon's senate robe Perrin's blue leida & friends) #mon wearing what was basically a wedding dress to the imperial ball - in the same way she sold leida off she's sold herself off #to buy time and money for the rebellion #but it really feels like all this got lost somewhere (I know where) #(it's the androgyny & Gender of it imo) #(even on yavin she's still lowkey very feminine presenting! she's just wearing a beige version of the mum over 30 long vest! and she's #not even really a leading person there! I may be misremembering #so take with pinch of salt etc etc #but she barely says anything - if anything at all in defence of luthen's information before bail cuts in sort of metaphorically waving his #hands in dismissal of her and like. HUH???) #mon on yavin SHOULD have metamorphosed into a beautiful confident butterfly finally at peace with what she's doing in life. and her outfit #is a reflection of that #but the actions of what she actually is doing (standing around and sipping tea) and the outfit message are conveying different things #as in: this is comfy relaxed mon. kick up her feet on the sofa mon. chill mon. not rebel leader finally confident in the idea that she's #being true to herself mon #I also think. like as well as the racism & orientalism there's a level of imo kinda deeply uncomfortable-ness in the fact that #the ONLY culture that andor chose to go out of its way to depict as conservative and traditionalist and regressive #is the only one that's visibly consistently non-western!! #mon and vel are our Sympathetic Chandrilan Characters and they're both often in the most 'western' outfits? #what does it say that the shortcut that was chosen to convey traditionalism (bad) is clearly identifiably real world cultural clothing? (via @animazi)

what are you peeved about andor’s depiction of chandrila?

oh god lol i feel bad that my first in depth post about this show that i really do like a lot is gonna be me complaining. and honestly that does kinda make me sad not only bc i really do love andor but i also love the chandrila storyline! it’s honestly my favorite in the whole show! but i must speak my truth and my truth is that i fucking HATE the chandrila costuming so much and i feel like i’m going crazy because everyone else seems to absolutely love it.

my first issue is just that what we see in andor does not cohere well with the way mon mothma has consistently been shown to dress in previous appearances. and obviously she isn’t going to dress the same in different contexts and different time periods and her revenge of the sith outfit looking so similar to her original return of the jedi outfit is mainly for recognizability but you can still draw from them for a varied wardrobe. like i just love the loose shapeless silhouette and the kind of androgynous feeling of her first two looks:

like this feels like an outfit from space and it feels distinctive! and then mon’s wardrobe in andor is just…not even close to this at all. there are a couple outfits that are kind of nods to it, but they’re much more fitted and traditionally feminine and generally more conventional and honestly look like stuff you could buy at macy’s. they didn’t even let her keep her haircut until she needed to have it for continuity!

and yeah to some degree this is intentional because of her position, because she’s being suffocated by her job and her marriage and her status or whatever, and there are more obvious hints of that like the scene where she takes off her big necklace that looks like a collar. but clearly that was not focused on sufficiently and got seriously lost in translation because the main audience takeaway about her costuming is that she looks cunty and isn’t it so awful that she got such a terrible haircut and dresses like shit on yavin 4 (and honestly the way people talk about that shift is starting to feel awfully close to misogyny to me but whatever). and also even if they wanted to do something with her costuming being different from how she dressed in the republic or the rebellion to create this sense of restrictive conformity that doesn’t have to look boring! traditional femininity doesn’t have to look the same in space as it does on earth! they could’ve given her some more interesting silhouettes or maybe a headpiece every once in a while! i personally would’ve preferred they didn’t go the fitted route with her but if they wanted to do that there’s a way to go about that without repeating the same exact cinched waist with a stupid little belt shape for every party dress or making her wear turtlenecks and cardigans that look like they could be my mother’s.

and this extends outside of mon, obviously, because we see a lot of chandrila including chandrilan hyper-traditionalism. and to me another key costume that reflects the general direction they went with chandrila and why i dislike it is leida’s wedding dress:

and honestly this one makes me even more frustrated bc i don’t hate it! i really like the shape of her veil (not in this picture), i like some of the fabric choices, it’s not a bad costume overall. but it still feels so unimaginative to me that you’re creating this whole space culture with its own weird space traditions and the route you settle for for the wedding dress is…white sparkly mermaid gown. like come ONNN. it personally peeves me that they just went with white as the wedding color but even that aside because that’s honestly just a nitpick the dress itself is just not interesting. it doesn’t even evoke traditionalism all that much. it’s just a wedding dress.

and then the far more egregious thing to me that goes beyond just looking like a macy’s catalogue is the sheer amount of orientalism in a lot of the chandrila costumes. because when chandrilan characters aren’t dressed like they just raided the formal section of a department store they’re just straight up dressed to look vaguely east asian. like jesus fucking christ man can we calm it on the kimonos?

and orientalism is the star wars original sin so on some level this might seem hypocritical to complain about because i do love the costuming of the prequels and they’re certainly guilty of the same thing. but it feels so much more egregious here because like, man, it is 2025. it’s 2025 and this show is also laser-sharp in its political messaging so i do expect it to be above dressing a bunch of white people in vaguely japanese looking outfits and then being like “yay that’s space clothes.” and it feels ten times lazier than past iterations of this in star wars both because it’s Current Year and because there isn’t even really a reason or any direct inspiration taken from anything that actually informs these costumes (not that that gives the costumes in the films a pass before anyone tries twisting what i’m saying), it’s just kimonos and robes cuz those aren’t t-shirts i guess? you can argue that it’s because they’re supposed to have some cultural overlap/connection with the jedi and like i guesssss but it still looks so lazy to me! like it doesn’t feel intentional, it just feels derivative. and man jedi robes are not doing all that. and i cannot stress enough that every fucking chandrilan is white. not just the main characters, i literally mean every single one in all those sprawling crowd shots. possibly bar a few extras i missed but i do not recall seeing a single non-white chandrilan.

and i feel like the character that exemplifies how frankly lazy these two design directions are especially when combined is vel, whose chandrilan outfits are by and large just a loose robey or kimono-y blouse with some pants and chunky jewelry, and that combo just ends up making her look less like an out-of-place upper class woman on an alien planet and more like a well-traveled succession character:

it’s just so boring. it’s so fucking boring, man. and this isn’t even exclusive to andor at all because most recent star wars projects have had underwhelming costuming, but andor’s costuming despite continuing that trend isn’t nearly as bad and considering they were crafting a culture from the ground up with the only references for cultural garb they had being two beautiful costumes with such a distinctive feel to them they could’ve done something so cool with this planet. and they just didn’t. they almost completely discarded what they had to draw from and then went the most conventional route possible. and it was kinda racist too!

#star wars #andor series #excellent tags; hope it's okay to bring them into the body of the post

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lllunaverde · 1 day ago

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𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 | 𝐉𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐝

𝐈𝐈𝐈 - Chapter 6, Chapter 7 ๋࣭ ࿐࿔ 12, 641k wc. main masterlist

๋࣭ ࿐࿔ 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 .𝟏

It had been a week and days since Y/N arrived in Gotham, in those days, she's finally explored the few of the city with the few of them. Even having a few times with Alfred to go out as well. She managed to drag Stephanie, Cassandra and Barbara for a girl's day out too. A few baking lessons from her was shared with them, with Duke, Tim and Dick joining the earlier three—nothing but another situation that can worry Alfred to death, if he fears it anyway. Then once visited the museum with Alfred and Bruce.

She was more than appreciative that not only her was comfortable to be more of herself but them as well, despite still not knowing much about them, she still felt welcome. More and more at ease.

Then there was the certain man with the white hair streak thats been bothering her ever since. No, it doesn't bother her that he hasn't tagged along in their little ventures, not at all. But they did had their encounters though, that's not been on her mind repeatedly by the way, no.

That night then, he hasn't left her mind. He just had to smile at her, she just had to see the goldness of the candlelight on his skin, she just had to admire how his white streak fell so freely on his forehead, she just had to behold the few of his scars, she just had to see him.

The passing days continued then, the more it went on, her uncertainty towards what she has been feeling, thinking of him, continued as well. Though the more she tried to deny it, the more she finds herself recalling the moments she's had with him despite he wasn't there every time she was spending time with the family.

What an embarrassing thought.

But she'll indulge herself this time, again.

The joy she suddenly felt when she sees him was replaced with worry as her eyes could not pass by the redness and a few cuts of his hands on his knuckles. "Jason?....your hands..." she trailed off, stopping in the middle of the stairs.

Jason halted, looking at her worried gaze and chuckled lightly. ".... Me and my friend went a bit overboard with our training. Sparring matches, something like that," he shrugged.

"Oh...," she nodded, training, huh? She did realize that it make sense why he was build the way he is. Y/N huffed, "Well, you did say you tend to hurt yourself a lot." She concluded and continued walking down the stairs.

"That I did and you'll be seeing new of it more often."

Her eyebrows furrowed, "I hope not," says her instantly, her face turned gently serious.

"You worried about me?" he asked, smug was the curving of his lips and as well as his voice.

Y/N gripped the end of the banister, taken back by the sudden change of his tone. Though she was still on a step of the stairs and him on the side of it, he still towered over her—his stance now intimidating her.

Scoffing as she rolled her eyes, "Don't flatter yourself," though the tone same from his. She knew she was but he didn't need to know that, at least not directly anyway.

Jason laughed. Only now she hears the deepness of his voice, their near distance from each other didn't help either for her to not feel the vibration of it. "Keep telling yourself that," he retorted as he began to walk away.

"Maybe I will." She just mouthed to herself, sharpening her gaze to him; determined.

If that's what can help me stop this, then maybe I will.

"Going out?" Jason asked Y/N midway through his walk in the hallway as they saw each other.

Nodding as she swiftly look down on her attire; a yellow wrapped dress, heels, and her handbag. "Yes, Stephanie said it'll be great to go at the amusement park today." The offers of them going around the city with her at last started with their first day.

"Yeah, good luck with them, they'll drag you on all everything there," he chuckled.

She did as well, "I'll be making sure I'll come back in one piece then." Y/N slowed down her walk as did him, hesitating to speak and hesitated to meet his eyes. "....I.....Won't you go as well?" asked her, she was feeling that her heart was starting to flutter again.

Why did I say that?

She sees him smile softly and she blinked, mentally shaking her head. "I have something to work with Bruce, you're gonna deal with their shit all on your own," he replied and they were now beside each other.

Y/N laughed, "I see, well then I hope you could go with us next time." Her laughter toned down as she heard herself.

I should stop speaking.

His eyes piqued with mirth, "You're gonna flatter me," he says, smirking.

Oh, I wanna wipe that off his face.

What am I even thinking?

"Have a good day, Jason." Y/N declared without missing a beat, tightly turning around and walked away. She hadn't heard him laugh so freely like that before. Her sudden frown from his remark was starting to be changed by the curling of her lips.

...Adorable—annoying.

"Sorry to disappoint you," his voice lightly echoed in the hallway. She can now imagine his shit eating grin and this made her click her tongue.

"Stop flattering yourself." Her voice gritted, the clacking of her heels heavy. She feels her chest rise and fall with every step she takes, so she stopped walking when she was in another direction. Swallowing hardly, she rolled her eyes, "How infuriating."

Then a minute after, she puts a hand to her forehead and sighed. She doesn't understand why she's pissed so much.

She hums quietly to herself as she makes her way to the library, excited in the idea of spending some time in it as it is late in the midnight. The porcelains clanging gently with the tray in her hands.

Y/N walks in the library and headed to where the table was, but then she got startled by a figure that came in her view, which was for heaven's sake, Jason.

"Bloody hell," she muttered, then continued to walk to where he was, hands slightly trembling along with the tray as she laid it on the table.

"Hello, Alfred." He greeted, looking up at her from his book while giving the same annoying curve of his lips, to her anyway.

Y/N plops herself on the couch across from him, "Oh, fuck off," she spat, curling her robes more to her body. She sees him with a surprised look and at last cracked a smile—making her laugh in a scoffing manner.

I am beginning to get too comfortable.

"That would not be Alfred," Jason said.

"No, it wouldn't," she replied, and began to pour herself a cup of tea. Upon realizing there was only one teacup, she suddenly thought she should have bought an extra, then her eyebrows creased.

Why even?

"Aren't you gonna ask me for some tea as well or those cookies?" He asked, putting his book down on his lap while looking at her.

She says without hesitation, "No. Go make your own," and drank her tea after, staring at him dead in the eyes. The same gleam of delight she's had lately was in his eyes once again. With their nearness from each other, the bright orange of light illuminating in faint darkness, she had now seen the color of his eyes; radiant blue irises and fragments of green in it.

"You lost in my eyes, sweetheart?" His voice dripping with delightful malice rang in her ears, making her blink and roll her eyes, shrugging off like she wasn't caught of doing so. The name didn't go unheard by her and repeat it in her mind, her heart skipping a beat.

Oh, this bitch. "I was just about to say how pretty they are but I rather say, go fuck yourself." Her tone more weighting than his and started to stand up from her seat. She's truly certain she's beginning to lose it.

Jason bursted out laughing, the deep voice of his thundering in the room, his head thrown back on his seat. No doubt it also echoed through the hallway.

Y/N glared at him immediately, "Be quiet!" she hastily hissed in a loud whisper. Though her staggering stare was starting to wear off with amusement as well, looking at his joyful yet irritating state made her so. It was very endearing, she hated it.

"You are exasperating." She declared, throwing him one last sharp look before walking to the book shelves. Jason's laughter died down shortly and she got herself a book that she sures know will be difficult to pay attention to, seemingly he was there.

"Yet, you look like you enjoy it," Jason says and she said nothing in return but clicked her tongue. Y/N placed the plates of cookies on the table and slid it lightly to his direction-his small smile didn't go overlooked by her.

Silence came in as they began to read into their own books, nothing but the cracking of woods in the fireplace was heard. For a good long minutes, she did actually read and comprehended it well, nothing but them full in solacement, indulged in their own worlds.

But then inevitably, the man in her view became noticeable. From her peripheral vision, she stared at him; a black shirt that fitted him well, his grey sweatpants that hugged his lower form loosely, and, surprisingly-a Wonder Woman patterned red socks. He looked cozy, entranced in his book. She smiled, chuckling lightly.

Didn't think a man built like him could be this adorable.

Stop, she reprimand herself. "Cute socks," Y/N said suddenly, breaking off their silence.

Jason huffed, smiling, "What? I admire the woman, she's great," says him proudly.

Y/N nodded, "That she is,"

"What about you? You a fan of any of them?" Jason closed his book again and took another cookie. Y/N squinted his eyes at him as she sees there were only a few left.

She shakes her head and also closed her book, "Not really, but......I suppose Superman," he raised his eyebrows and tipped his head. "I just think he's....great too." She shrugged.

"Well, I- ow!" Y/N slapped his hand away from the plate of cookies as he was just about to take another one. "You had enough and I haven't even had one yet," she hissed, glaring at him and he just looked at her, the annoyed look of hers making him break into a little laugh.

She poured her cup another of the tea but not for her as she slid the saucer to his way but didn't say anything nor him when he saw what she did. Only then she realized that it was her cup.

Why ever did I do that?

What if he doesn't take it then? Oh, how embarrassing.

But she was surprised as he took it but still said nothing. "How are your hands and arm anyway?" she was really concerned but she just wanted to change the non-existent subject.

Jason showed his forearm and it was healed now, turned to a scar, "It's fine and my hands are not so bad now as well." He says while he flexed his hands; tall, bony yet thick fingers. Veins etched clearly on his knuckles, as well as the few of marks that healed.

Even his hands are pretty—will you stop.

"Still worried about me?" He asked.

She scoffed before standing up from her chair, "Keep telling yourself that." Said her as she walked to where the window was, opening the curtains to reveal the wide skies filled with stars. She stands in front of it, admiring the view.

"You wound me." The shit eating grin she once saw vague in her mind now clear and crisp as the dark bright sky. Despite being away from the fireplace, she still felt her body to be warmer than it should be.

Annoying tall motherfucker. She bit her lip to prevent her from smiling but she knows he was as well and he knew it too, made her smile wide more. "My pleasure."

She had never spent any midnight like that, filled with so much glee that it made her heart dance again.

She's trying her best, really. She can swore but it was not working. Sighing when she stopped walking and looked up at the sky, glad that she was able to see nothing but the light that still shone in the vision of her darkness in her closed eyes. Just because of that certain man she wants to strangle. Not caring that the sunlight is now starting to burn her skin, wanting to be at peace for a while.

Leave me be like this for now, don't think about anyth-

"You good?"

"Will you-" Y/N yelped with both her fists clenched on her sides, and turned around to see Dick—"stop that?" Breathless as she glared at him.

"Shit, sorry, I didn't know you were like that," he laughed and walked to her.

"Now you know," she replied nonchalantly after getting over it and began walking again. "I was just thinking how peaceful I was." Her hands trailing the tall bushes of greens.

"Seemed like you were stressed out still." Dick shrugged, putting his hands on the pocket of his jeans. "Should I ask what's bothering you?"

Y/N sighed again, "It's nothing that you think is bothering me, I wish that was it anyway, and that's what bothering me," she trailed off mindlessly.

He creased his eyebrows, turning to look at her, "I feel like I know what you're talking about but I'm not sure." Knowing where their conversation was going to go.

Oh, come on. "Of course you do," she eyed him.

Dick just looked at her with a flat expression and she sighed yet again. "Does that work with anyone?" She asked.

He smiled, "More than likely." Taking in pride at the gesture he can pull off well with his people.

I'm gonna regret this.

"Might as well just speak it out loud." Y/N rolled her eyes, they found an empty bench, and thankful the both of them as the spot were not filled with anyone but them.

"You better swear you're not to tell anyone this." Y/N stated as they sat down together and he just laughed. She's already regretting it.

"If it's really about what I think it is, then I'm sorry because I can assure you that it's nothing we don't already know about." His speculations beginning to be right in his mind. At least he looked actually apologetic.

"Are you sure you're sorry?" She asked, giving him the side eye and he just pursed his lips—smiling still. Well, he "looked" like it then. Y/N released a loud groan, laying her head back on the back of the bench. "Now I don't want to say it out loud."

He snickered. It felt as if he was pestering one of his siblings.

"Does annoying people run in your family?"

"You only noticed now?"

Y/N groaned loudly again but this time longer and sat up straight after. Dick was just looking at her with a smile, clearly enjoying this. "Got it out?"

"Shut up."

Well, here fucking goes nothing. But before she could speak, he beat her to it. "So, Jason, huh?" He says, now looking ahead but his smile couldn't get any wider as he sees her shocked face from his peripheral vison. He couldn't have been more happy that he was right about it.

"I truly hate you." She mumbled and he howled out laughing, his loud voice delightfully interrupting the serenity of the garden. "Darling, come on.....nothing is funny about this." Y/N frowned, then he looks at her with his eyes glistening of enjoyment and she couldn't stop her lips from breaking into a smile. "Richard" She hissed, her strict tone breaking, saying his first name felt right for her in the moment.

When he calmed down, "You wanna elaborate on that?"

"You wanna elaborate on how you and your lovely-" she emphasized the word with spite, "people know about it?"

Y/N was definitely sure she hadn't been obvious to any of her spiteful feelings towards him, at least she thinks so anyway.

Does even Jason knows?

"I don't need to explain how nosy we can be sometimes....and you both weren't even alone when you were together. Let's just say word goes out in the family faster than any tabloids here." Dick tells, making hands gestures.

Pertaining to the moments her and his brother had that caught their attention. Like when Tim was in the hallway just above the stairway, when they were talking about Jason's hands, immediately running to his room to call Stephanie about it, then Stephanie told it to Cassandra and Duke, then Duke to Damian, and Tim again to his oldest brother.

Then with Dick being out of town for the moment at that time, instructed his culprits to look out for them, it sounded more appropriate in his ears, they didn't need any persuasion. In the hallway when they were going to the amusement park, Cassandra and Damian was there. Even unnoticed by Jason. They were that dedicated. Definitely not desperate. But she did not need to know that.

And so for the library part—

She sighed again.

Wait.....even alone? Oh my god.

Creasing her forehead as she realized something and turned to him sharply. "What the hell? Even in the library that time?"

She got her answer when he froze, "...Listen-" his hand raised up.

"Oh my god." Y/N sinked into her sit, her hands covering her face. Ok, now Dick really feels bad. "How even..."

"Look, I didn't mean to-" she released her face from her hands and glared at him, "okay, a little bit. But it was Jason's fault! Because I heard his loud laugh, so of course I went to see what it was about then you were there and I may or may have not-"

"You were there the whole time after? Were you watching as well? What the hell?! " Y/N cried out, hands flailing while standing up from the bench.

"No! No, I just listened-" Dick followed, stressed out he was as well.

"Is that supposed to make it not bad?" She was now pacing back and forth, Dick was starting to find things funny again.

"Well, at least I didn't watch."

Y/N lowered herself down on the ground, her clasp hands on her forehead. "Richard," she groaned, dragging it a bit long. With her closed eyes, she thinks about the time in that damn library but now with the thought of someone eavesdropping on them. "Fuck." She wailed, dragging it again.

Embarrassing. Embarrassing. Embarrassing.

Dick snorted but caught himself after, "Sorry." He coughed, then held out his hand to her. She took it unwillingly, not looking at him. This made him laugh again, "Why are you so embarrassed about it anyway?"

Y/N stomped her foot, "Because!" Had there any people around their place, they surely would have been entertained or annoyed. She stopped, stammering, "Well, I...because....-"

Dick smirked, "Because you were....flirting?" He tipped his head aside, looking at her so amusingly.

"Richard, I swear to god." Y/N warned with nothing, she sat down on the bench again and he followed. She sighed, collecting herself at last.

Y/N pursed her lips and closed her eyes again. Disappointment gnawed in her. Like a child, that she feels; losing control of herself, carried far too away in the moment. But she could have chosen.

And I didn't.

She opened her mouth as her eyes, taking a short second of breathing, hesitating and finally spoke again. "One minute I'm admiring his smile, then the next I'm cursing him in my mind," Confessed her.

"You like him," Dick stated, his demeanor now serious. Dawning in him that there was something more to her sentiment.

"I am aware now, yes." She admitted it, crossing her arms on her chest after, clenching her fists. Scared. Heart racing from this realization of her, a confession to herself rather.

Idiot.

"You fool," Y/N tsked as she looks up at the now softening colors of the sky.

Dick stared ahead, trying to piece the things together, "It's nothing that I think about what's bothering you....is it-?"

Y/N nodded slowly, "Yes, it's....my mother, I suppose.....Grieving and all that."

She let out a sharp breath from her nose, shame rising in her for feeling such while in her circumstance. Dick looks at her then, his stare turning mellow. Still piecing things together. "It's bothering you...because you think you shouldn't be...feeling all those?" He said unsurely.

Y/N smiled bitterly as she remembers almost the same moment of her and Jason, Alfred and Bruce had—with now. The same sentiment, feelings she's having but now it was different. It made her more....dejected.

"I know I shouldn't be feeling....guilty about it, or feel like my mother's passing doesn't affect me, and that she'd be happy for me....It does affect me and I know she'd be happy for me...I know she would....but sometimes I just," she rambled, shaking her head. Trying to think of what to say, "I just....this feeling in me rising when I'm happy. I've dealt with this before or at least I thought so, it was still there then, I suppose.....I think this feeling....this guilt just came in again because of my realization...about your brother." Y/N confessed, her voice shaking as she spoke her heart out.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, thinking of something right to say, then, "You deserve any joy that you feel despite that you're grieving, it's normal to feel bad about it but it's okay to be happy, too…trust me—" he sighs a small laugh, "We've all experienced such somehow..and it's really true."

She remained silent, then closed their distance together and dropped her head on the side of his shoulder. "It's okay to be happy, too." Y/N says out loud quietly, echoing his words unsurely. He smiled down at her, "It's okay." Continued him.

Sighing once again for how many, she doesn't know—and sat up straight. I need to take control of this.

"I....," she started, caressing her face. "Jason...he...he's engaging, alluring even, I find myself irritated everytime I find him charming, yet I can't stop myself to....trifle with him." Y/N smiles softly, her mind back to those times—what was once disappointment was now replaced with amiableness. It was clear to her now that she did choose in that repeated times and she....didn't regret it. Yet, her clarity of this gave a new light. "And more than that, he's...lovely...how can I not like him so?.....But I can't do anything about it—or at least I feel like I shouldn't yet..I don't think I can right now." Her truth out yet again. Faith in her to be true to her declaration and not backfire even.

Dick looked up at the sky, gratified he was so much despite her saying she's overlooking her feelings for Jason. He was happy to hear such confession about his brother. If Bruce was here to hear this.....he grinned at the thought.

"You don't have to do anything then," he shook his head, "I understand, I'm just glad you said something and maybe it helped you realize something." Says him truthfully. "And I apologize if I pushed too far or-"

"Darling," Y/N interrupted him and his hand gestures with taking a hold of his one hand. "Are you suddenly taking back you annoying me?" she laughed, smirking. He chuckled, worry leaving his body. "You didn't push too far, I'm fine, I needed to let it out anyway. And it did help, I had the needed revelations, so there's that." She assured, squeezing his hand before letting it go gently.

"We should go, I think we may have took our time too long." Y/N says, upon realizing the sky was in its setting colors.

They both stood up from the bench and started to walk back. "Don't worry, I told them I wanted to talk to you, so they're probably just doing things to wait for us."

"Really? Them waiting and not eavesdropping?" She teased.

"I can be sincere and serious when I need to be. Them, too." Dick says defensively. Y/N just shook her head, taking note of their behaviors to be usual for them.

As she gazed at the sky, she can feel the heaviness that she's been carrying the past days wash away. The rustling of the leaves dancing with the wind, their footsteps making noise with the rocks. "Thank you." Y/N breaks their silence suddenly, "for everything again, I suppose."

Dick smiled, though, there were sadness in it along with relief, sensing how their conversation affected her grievously. "Well, you can call me anytime if you need to shout again or anything." He chuckled.

"I wasn't shouting-"

"You were basically wailing and groaning."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Not mine."

"I really hate you-hey, wait! After his loud laugh that you meant, we took our time reading, did you actually stayed there for a while?"

"Well, I had my phone-"

"Grayson!"

"What? Someone has got to contribute to the family gossip."

"Bloody hell."

"You and your bloody hell."

"Does Bruce know?"

"Not gonna answer that."

"How will I be able to look at him in his eyes?!"

"Good luck with that."

They continued their bickering until they reached the end of the wide range of the gardens.

"How was your time with them?" Alfred asked Y/N when they were now alone in the hallway after when he welcomed them home back again.

"It was great, I've been in a few botanical gardens before but it was very beautiful there too," replied her, though she was thinking of something else. "Al....me and Dick had a talk, it was....quite serious to say the least." She chuckled, remembering of how silly they must have looked with their childish confrontation.

"Ah."

"And you already know, of course," sighed Y/N, her shoulders dropping as they walked and Alfred just chuckled gently.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," he assured but Y/N just grumbled something like, 'tell that to damn Grayson'. "I'm listening," he said, waiting for her to speak about it.

Probably some of them, too. She rolled her eyes but dismissed the thought, knowing they know better than to test Alfred.

"Jason....uh...I-" she cut herself off by groaning, stretching her arms over her head, "It's so stupid, god, I feel like a teenager in high school." Y/N expressed, annoyed at herself.

They walked in the kitchen, ready to their usual doings that was starting to become a ritual.

Alfred was joyful, nostalgia in him as he sees the struggling woman admit to her feelings.

"I like him," Y/N says too quickly, falling on the floor and stood up again, she was beginning to get jumpy now, "See?" she whined, flinging her arms around.

The fullness in Alfred's heart couldn't be.....more. He lets out a hearty laugh and began to work with her following. "No need to be so worry about it now," says him, seeing as she seemed felt like caught about it.

"I'm not worried....I'm just, I don't know..I..." She stammered, shrugging. "Okay, maybe I am worried," she slumped.

God, I really do feel like a teenager.

Damn him.

"I presume you and Master Richard talked about what seems to be the problem about it?" Alfred proclaimed, there were no doubts in him that her dilemma got to her again.

"Yes.." she trailed off, Dick's words ringing in her ears. "He said that it's okay for me to be happy too."

"And he's right," he nodded to her. "It's not easy to let go of whatever guilt or shame we feel but do remember that as well, you deserve happiness despite of it all."

She hums, nodding aimlessly, "I know...I know." Y/N let out a little laugh then, "I must sound like a broken record."

"That I don't mind to keep hearing about over and over again." Alfred smiles and she did as well.

"What the world will come to without you, Alfred." She says, ever so thankful of her to him.

That they all feared too well.

Jason is full of regret this time. So much of it. Regret that he started something not to be played with. Angry at himself. But most of all, vexation. Vexation because despite his regret, something stronger than it was brewing in him and it was beginning to grow and grow more; enthrallment.

It all went under to him when his attention was caught by the tenderness of her at the funeral, that was supposed to be it. But then continued his observance of her that time, from her happy state that he thought was fake but he was wrong.

Then came that lively breakfast they had on her first morning in the manor. Their short time of mundaneness, her worried voice and stares, the laughter and smiles she got out from him. Of her baring out her emotions to him.

Each time it was nothing much to him and thought of it nothing but how easy and warm it was.

He hadn't realize yet then that was the beginning of his undoing.

Late that he saw it. When he saw the glint of joy in her eyes before the family dinner started that night, the sound of her giggles, how he knew his eyes met her mirth as well, how he was relieved when she walked out the kitchen because he needed to breathe. How he realized just how late he was. Then he smiled at her across the table before catching himself, how he saw her looking down while smiling, how adorable he thought it was. How the night became more lively for him.

His mind full of her then after that night.

How he felt joy when he heard her worried voice and saw her worried gaze when she asked of his hands. How he didn't stop his teasing, how something in him churned when she met his tone, how he wanted to see more of her irritated face.

When he saw her in the hallway with her yellow dress, how he couldn't take off his eyes of her then. He had seen her dressed up nicely before ever since she arrived but only then he found himself staring at her distracting figure. How he noticed how nicely the fabric hugged her ample curves, the dress ending above her mid thighs, how he saw how full they were. How pleasing she was much in his eyes. But nothing then made him more amused when he saw her irritated face and voice again.

How it was comical to him when she cursed at him, how he noticed yet again her body, her becoming more inviting when she hugged her robes more, how he had to look away then. How the gaze of her in his eyes intimidated him, how he played it well so smugly even if his heart was starting to pound. How it felt so good to let out a big laughter like that again when she cursed at him with playful venom. How he saw her break out a smile while throwing daggers at him. The warmth he felt when they were both reading, how it felt like the fireplace wasn't contributing to the atmosphere but just because of the both of them. How he saw how pleasant she looked cozied in her chair. How surprised he was when she shared her own cup to him. He never thought to felt giddy again. How they were dancing with so much glee underneath the spite they fabricated.

Oh, how he felt all those.

As each time that feeling grew, regret leveled to it because he knows enthrallment....that warmth in him keeps weighing more.

Jason was many things, but naive was never one of them. Amidst of their moments, he knows. Because he saw her faltering when he smiled at her, he saw the heat in her face when they clashed, he saw the looks, her smiles, when she gets flustered. How could he not know when he saw all of those, felt all of them, how he could he not when he saw himself through her eyes.

So how could not regret drown him deep?

"What are you doing?" Jason spoke out loud, eyes far ahead to the night of the city.

He grunted when he felt another presence, already knowing who that person is by the sounds that followed. "Don't you fucking speak." Jason dared.

"I-"

"Shut up."

Dick laughed, remembering Y/N, thinking of how a bit similar they are. Jason side glance him, sensing there was meaning behind it. But Dick didn't need to tell him that.

"You've been......distracted," Dick says.

"And it's none of your business," he replied immediately—shit.

Jason clicked his tongue.

"So you have been," Dick confirmed, Jason didn't need to look at him to see there was a smile on his brother's face. "I'm just gonna assume I'm right that I'm thinking of what you're thinking as well." Dick couldn't be more smug today.

"And what's that?"

"About Y-"

"Don't."

"You asked." His brother shrugged.

Jason started to walk away from him, not having the energy or want to talk about what he knows they will. "We're not gonna do this." He voiced out.

"So what then? You're just gonna bottle all that up? Ignore it?"

"Don't start," he replied little, his back turned to his sibling while putting his helmet back on. So be it then.

Dick cursed to himself for what he was about to say. "I talked to her earlier, about you." He's really sorry about that one but he wanted to let his little brother know.

Jason stopped before he could put his helmet on. "I don't need to be concerned about what you and her talked about." He was lying to himself but right now, his control is holding him.

"Jay, cut the bullshit-"

"And what then if I told you? What good would it fucking do?" Jason turned to Dick, gripping his helmet tightly.

"Is it so bad to even just admit it? Even just to yourself?" Dick's challenging voice was now turning soft.

Yes.

Jason breathed out through his nose so deeply while his eyes closed, the clashing in his mind and resistance to his brother exhausted him, rather than what their vigilantism gave him tonight.

Fuck—There's no point in denying it anymore.

"Alright, I like her. That's that," Jason said simply but his heart was starting to thump again, the same feeling he's been having when she and him were around each other.

And now I've fucking done it.

Dick stayed silent for a few seconds, his lips curling a little. " Say something to irritate me and I will-"

"Fine, I won't but as if you're not used to it anyway," Dick retorted.

"You mean sick of it." Dick glared at him.

Jason sighed and walked to the edge with his brother following. "So, you like her, that's that. So what? You're taking this too seriously and beating yourself up," Dick says flatly as if he wasn't pestering Jason about it just now.

This was the last straw for him. Jason was the one who glared this time, "So I shouldn't take this seriously? You of all people know what this feels like, all of us in the family. To see someone from outside.....For fuck sake, I told Bruce that she can't be tied to this, to us....and now here I am admitting that I like her. I'm angry because this wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be this affected but I am and that's the fucking problem. Every time I see her now, there's that feeling I want more. And I'm not damn blind to not know she's feeling the same and that's what bothers me more." Jason poured out the thoughts that's been eating him, his loud voice heated, rising and stopping all the while, chest rising and falling with his heavy heart beats that made him more restless.

Goddammit.

Was it that serious.

"Way to boost your own ego there on the last part." Dick says, whistling. Jason didn't say anything but stared at him with so much wrath. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yeah, I know, we know." He tells. Dick laid his hands on his waist and sighed, "And I do know. I understand you, what you're feeling. But I'm still someone that's happy for his brother because of it." He huffed at the last part, smiling.

Jason knows that well but he only scoffed, "Like I could expect anything different."

"And....I really just pissed you off just a bit so you could probably let that shit out," Dick admitted, not looking sorry at all but with just a flat expression.

"Don't I fucking know it." Jason turned around, ready to leave yet again.

"That's it then?" Dick asked.

"That's it."

"What then?"

"Nothing."

"So, you're just going to continue what you're both doing and nothing still?"

"I've heard and said enough."

"No such thing as enough drama for me."

"I'm sure there isn't."

"You know-"

"Is it too much to ask that I ask you to not pester me with this anymore?"

"No promises."

"Why did I bother?"

"You really won't even ask what me and her talked about?"

"I rather not."

"She-"

"Are you seriously gonna tell me even when you know it'll bother her if she found out that you did and that you literally have no right to?"

"I was kidding. Great of you to say that by the way."

"Bare fucking minimum."

"You just keep surprising me and yet I don't expect any less from you anyway."

"Shut up."

Jason suddenly halted from all their running and whatnot. Upon realizing something.

"Grayson. What do you mean 'we know'?"

Dick halted as well, he was caught yet again. "You know nothing goes unnoticed by us," he shrugged, warily looking away from Jason's wrathful eyes.

"Who was in the hallway that time?"

"I am not a snitch."

"What the fuck? Was somebody there in the library, too?"

"It wasn't me."

"OH, DON'T FUCKING RUN NOW."

Some Gothamites heard yelling, maybe a little bit of fighting. But what's new to them anyway?

๋࣭ ࿐࿔ 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 .𝟐

Quiet is the late afternoon, the sun in its peak along with the faint whispers of the wind. The hot yet bracing light of the sun shining down on Y/N and Alfred as they tend the flowers of the garden.

"She always had the eye for arranging them beautifully, didn't she?" Alfred spoke, fingers grazing the petals gently, a distant but clear memory he thinks of.

"Yes...she did," muttered Y/N, a small smile on her as she stares at the flowers in front of her so longingly. The warming memories outweighs the vague emptiness once again.

Alfred sighed, as if breathing out the heavy thoughts that's passed by him. Shaking his head, he huffed out a smile, "Shall we collect more of them and finish it off, then we'll arrange it after?"

"That'll be great." Y/N nodded and placed the basket more nearer to her.

Basking in the sun had always never fail to fill anyone's heart.

All the while Alfred and Y/N was there outside the garden. Bruce was in the library, standing by the windows and eyes ahead to the distant view of them. With his little smile and gaze that couldn't be more fonder.

Bruce heard someone enter in the room no sooner, he knew who it was by the footsteps that followed; Jason. He stayed as he was and waited for his son.

When Jason walked in the room, he didn't expect Bruce to be there or let alone as he now stand beside him, to see Alfred and her in the garden. But then again, everything in their family was either always expected or not.

Jason gripped the book in his hand more tighter as his eyes stared at Y/N. The white dress of hers was flowing with the wind, a basket in her clasps that was full of flowers. She glowed ever so brightly, surrounded by the lush greens and vibrant flowers, the sunbeam helped all too greatly. A painting in his eyes. He found himself having to let out a breath from his mouth.

What a sight.

Jason turned away his head swiftly from the thought that occurred. He then walked to the book shelves, his chest falling more deeply with every breath he takes as he wanted to stop the sudden change of the beating of his heart.

This did not go unnoticed by Bruce but nevertheless said nothing to it and just smiled. "You didn't go back last night." Said him.

Jason returned the book in its right place and went to look for another, anything to keep his mind distracted for now. "Like I always do from time to time" He says, that was really the truth but no one needed to know the half of it; After him and his older brother had their talk or whatever it was last night, he didn't want to. Be that he was scared or mad from his revelation. "When has that bothered you?" he asked, holding a new book.

"It always do," Bruce replied. A few beats of silence passed by, wavering to say the next words he thought of "....And since you've been staying the night here lately these days."

Of course.

Damn it.

Jason stayed silent until he was beside him yet again, not finding the need to say otherwise. His eyes found her anew. He had been staying the night in the manor more frequently ever since she came, not that he wasn't aware of it, he was. But even so, every night, he finds himself back in their home. He keeps avoiding the reason why she's the reason.

Bruce turns to him, and there he sees a sight to behold; his son gazing softly. The scene was much too adoring for him. Rustic brown blurs behind Jason, as the blue sky filled with clouds gleamed its light down upon them. Turning his eyes back where it was, he sees beyond the garden and her. Serene. It was........still.

Jason knew what his father was thinking, he felt it rather. But that gnawing in him continues, a reminder, a warning, a promise.

He takes that as his cue to go. "Bruce," Jason called out as he started to walk away from him. He stopped by the door, turning his head aside to look at him. "You promised." Heavy was his voice.

Such defeat he saw on his father's face, it almost made him feel the same, it did. But he rather felt sorry than anything in the end.

Jason then continued to walk awalk, wanting to get away for a while but not before hearing Bruce's footsteps behind him, so he changed his pace a bit.

Man.

"Ah, Master Jason."

Shit.

He slowed down his walk as Alfred and Y/N came walking in the foyer.

"Jason," Bruce called out to his son.

"Hi...Al," he ignored Bruce. What fucking timing.

"Master Bruce, there you are. If you will, I have something important to discuss with you," Alfred announced, making Y/N's eyebrows furrowed, but before any of them could speak. "Master Jason, could you help Y/N bring these flowers in the drawing room, I'll be there shortly." In the span of a few seconds, Jason was now holding a basket, with a not surprised face but rather amused one. With Bruce already following Alfred like a lost pet and Y/N with an abashed expression

Alfred, you slick son of a...

"....Hi?" Y/N says breathless with a smile almost showing. Flustered, Jason noticed this. He couldn't think which aura made him want to smile more. Sure, he's grown to like making her annoyed and sees her being worked up because of him. But now that they're in front of each other again, with her buoyant state, brown skin glistening from the sweat because of being under the sun that still made her glow and looked radiant; made him feel rejuvenated.

God.

He caught himself but before he could speak again, "If you were going to go just as I think you were, you don't have to help me, I can do it myself anyway," she says.

"Now you're pushing me away?" Jason asked, feigning he was hurt.

Jason really hates himself. You idiot.

Y/N scoffs and held her chin high as she walks away from him. And there she was again in his eyes, he grinned. "Darling, if I could, I would have done it long ago."

She has got to stop with that name.

Jason clenched his fist tightly on the basket. "Too bad that you can't, no?" He retorted as he followed beside her.

"Unfortunately," she sighed, rolling her eyes and he only laughed.

Too bad that they both can't, so it would seem.

Ahhh shit, I shouldn't have stayed longer.

For whatever that lives out of him, something in him made him want to stay longer.

Bruce crossed his arms on his chest and sighed. "What are we going to do with them?" he asked Alfred.

"Hmm?" Alfred hummed, lightly laughing. Finding it funny how much concern he was for the both of them, well, mostly his son. But how could not a father feel that so?

"They may always be a child in our eyes but they're not. Let us leave them do what they will." Alfred continued.

Bruce nodded but still he feels the way he is. Then he turned to Alfred, confused as he remembered something. "You did just pull a stunt back there?" he says unsurely.

"You give me too much credit, Master Bruce. Master Jason could have denied my request, Y/N could have protested as well but none of them said anything. All I did was give them a little push." Alfred says smiling, happy with what he did.

As the words came out from Alfred, Bruce laughed. "Right. Of course, how could I miss that from you?" he caressed his chin, a smile dripping off from him. Much pleased he was as Alfred.

"A little push, huh?" Bruce repeated the words mindlessly, then his lips started to curve. A light bulb came to him. "Alfred, I think it's time that I hold another gala."

It was Alfred this time that let out a laugh. No wonder how it seemed every one of his people was cunning. "That seems like a big push rather than little but I suppose you get the gist of it."

What a time for them to be lively.

Alfred, you are cunning as ever.

"Flower arrangement, huh?" Jason says as he stared at the baskets that they put on the table, along with the few vases, cutters, a glass pitcher full of water that he figures Alfred and her prepared before they went outside.

She was thankful that it was only them in the manor today, as Damian was in school and the rest were out. Because she sure hell knows that they could be spied on if one of them was home, now that it was revealed yesterday. If there is something to be spied on again right now, that is.

"Flower arrangement." Y/N nodded, taking a few flowers out of the basket. The excitement she was feeling as she saw him kept faltering. In her, flinching. "If you really have somewhere to be, you don't have to accompany me anymore." She claimed, making sure her voice was still the same, her eyes occupied by what's in front of them. A thin thread of hope in her for him to say otherwise.

Jason chuckled, "Are you really that keen on pushing me away?" Laying his hands flat on the table and looked at her. Y/N made herself look at him, it really took her a lot to not break her glare into a smile as she sees the challenging gaze of him that she was starting to grow fond of, despite how it makes her want to strangle him.

No....

....Yes.

Biting the inside of her cheek, "If I say yes, then would you go?" she asked and stared him down, though he was much more taller than her. The stance they had only threatened her more to laugh, finding it annoyingly as funny.

Jason lightly leaned down his arms to meet her level and smirked, "Then I'll stay just to be unbearable to you." Despite their distance still, the sudden gesture was enough yet again to make her heart skip a beat and this time made her breath hitch.

Fuck.

Y/N rolled her eyes, having the need to step back away from him as she feels heat spreads through her body. "How lucky I am." She retorted, taking the glass pitcher and filled her chosen vase with a little water. The grip on the handle was tight as she feels her hand slightly tremble.

Get a grip.....all that from....just that.

"Glad you know." Jason replied bluntly, taking a few flowers out from his basket. The thin thread of hope bloomed into something more as Y/N sees this.

Nonetheless, she laughed, regaining what they both started, "Oh, fuck you." There she hears his laugh again.

And so their little happening began. With Y/N trying to make best of what she can remember from her mother's teachings about floral arrangements, Jason following every move that she made but not when she messes up or unsure of what to do that he teases her of it and she curses him of it. Soon later they both got the hang of it, still with little blunders on the way.

"I take it you learned this from your mother?" Jason spoke as he continued to put flowers in his vase.

Y/N hummed, moving her vase in a circling motion so as she could observe how it looked. "I did," she replied, adjusting a few stems from their positions. "Though, I didn't joined much when she and her friends did it, only a few times, I just watched and now here I am."

Jason smiled softly as he looked at her for a short second, then chuckled, "Make sense to why you still need a lot of learning then." And gave his attention back to his flowers.

Oh, this little...

Y/N showed no expression but squinted her eyes to him, "You must certainly enjoy plaguing me." Irritation was in her voice but she knows in herself that she couldn't deny it anymore that she enjoys of him doing so.

"I did stay to become unbearable to you, didn't I?"

Too unbearable, honestly. Crossing her arms on her chest as she leaned the right side of her waist on the table to turn in front of him, "And I think you're doing a great job at it." Y/N nodded specifically to his tall glass vase that was now filled with red and white roses, with bright yellow marigolds and dark red dahlias. Each little thing only intrigued her more to him.

"You referring to me or that?" Jason raised his one brow, mirroring her movements and leaned down to her.

Don't.

Boldness came through her as she didn't backed away this time but leaned nearer onto him. The strong scent of welcoming musk from him now had a faint mixture from the flowers. She had to take a mere swallow, realizing the consequence of her action for she felt the loud beating in her ears, nails digging into her flesh as his absorbing blue eyes bore into hers. "Let's say both," she says almost breathless. Though her eyes stayed on his, in her vision still, she sees the scars and marks he had, how it never made her think differently of what she thought of him in the first place; lovely. Now up close to him, made her more curious.

What ever are you doing again?

"Well, it looks like you both had a rather pleasant time." What moment they were having was interrupted by Alfred, his voice laced something to it that no one were to missed.

Y/N stepped away from Jason casually, ignoring his stare that lasted for a second. It wasn't just her, now she knows this. After all, she did see how the breathing of Jason faltered when she pulled whatever stunt she did. At least it made her speculations more true. She begs the heavens no.

Clearing her throat, playing off like she wasn't caught in the act of doing something so worth to be teased with. "I suppose we did.....and it looks like whatever you and Bruce discussed might have been really important that you took your time." Said Y/N, eyeing Alfred who was walking towards them. Jason snickered.

"I apologize, my dear," says Alfred while not looking an ounce of sorry at all as he observed their flowers, "And yes, we did took our time because it was important. Master Bruce had just informed me that he is to hold a gala here in two days."

Jason sighed and ruffled his hair, annoyed. Y/N let out a chuckle, "Of course, the richest man in the city can just announce he'll host a grand party whenever he likes." She says, tipping her head sideways then surprised she was, as Bruce walked in the middle of her words. Jason snorted and Y/N threw him a sharp glare.

Y/N then looked at Bruce with an almost sorry look but he dismissed it with a laugh, "That's a fact anyways, isn't it? But I can assure you, I don't enjoy it as much as I look like it. Only I do as much when my children are there." He states as he stood beside Alfred across from Jason and Y/N. That feeling of serenity he felt earlier started to grow in him again as he sees Jason now besides her, with fragments of petals, leaves, stem on his clothes, him being surrounded at such a rare sight.

Jason grunted, but met his father's eyes, "And what's it for?"

"Can't I host one just because I feel like it?"

Y/N laughed a little too loud with her head thrown back, "I'm sure you don't really enjoy it, Mr. Wayne," amused her.

"Well, I do have a name to live up to." Says Bruce, nodding to himself. Hoping that reason was enough, though there was no need to worry about any reasoning to it, maybe he still felt that he did—probably only because he can sense that Jason was doubting him.

"And, of course you do." Y/N chuckled. Getting that someone like him should assumably be at the top of their game in being a socialite.

"My....these arrangements are lovely. I'd say you did so well too, Master Jason, considering this is your first time doing this, is it not?" Alfred said, still his eyes on the flowers, fixing some of them still.

Jason rubbed his neck, avoiding their gazes, "She taught me, I guess." That flustered look alone could melt their hearts. And how couldn't it melt more when he stole a glance at her then smiled lightly.

Y/N didn't like how she immediately knew that it was only the second time she's seen him so. She pursed her lips and looked down. The exchange was adored so ardently by the two. Bless their poor hearts.

Alfred moved the two vases on another table, "I think it'll do well to use this for the decorations in the gala."

"Yes it will." Bruce agreed, a smile on him as he admired it.

Jason cleared his throat, the cup of his was starting to overflow. ".....I should be going," he says while he dusted off what was on his clothes and held his book again as he began to walk away from them.

Y/N nodded,"Yes, of course," she muttered. Disappointment clear from her as she stares at him go. Hoping that there should have been more to it but ever reprimanding herself for the undeniably pleasant intrusions that poses because of him.

"Master Jason, I expect you to attend the gala as well as your father does," Alfred called out to him when he was almost at the door and they saw him go with just a nod. Knowing the better to not remind him of it.

"Well, now that's that, I best be off with Master Bruce again to discuss things. I just came to check back on you and it seemed you were doing well. We'll continue this later on." Alfred speaks again, waving off as he walked away too. There his tone was again.

Bruce didn't say anything but he just smiled at her, with eyes that sparked with something that she clearly saw. Her eyebrows furrowed as she was confused by it, watching them all go, but then her face turned into horror when it hits her.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Her voice screamed in dread, falling to her feet slowly. How could have she forgotten that Bruce knew of their whole deal, how could have she let herself shown just like that. "Why do I keep embarrassing myself?" She complained.

Meanwhile the two old men walked together with delighted grins.

"Well played, Master Bruce."

"Not so bad yourself as always, Alfred."

They figured they were starting to enjoy it a little too much but surely a little bit of something different they think to be good for them wouldn't hurt once in a while.

It was a rarity to Y/N when Alfred allowed her to wander offthe streets at night in Gotham, seemingly that he was keen into making sure that when she did go at night, she had company like Stephanie and Cassandra, or Tim, Duke and Damian a few times. Definitely not because no shit was brewing in the last week, and they all had a few things at bay for them to stretch out of their uniforms for a while. Definitely not that.

So now there she was walking in the Bat Burger, biting her lips to prevent a smile from showing as she still was so amused at such a place existing. Recalling the first time she walked in the place with Stephanie and Cassandra.

"Unbelievable," Y/N uttered, as her eyes roamed the place, following the two to their table. Posters, displays of superheroes, vigilantes, and villains all around, and even a few employees dressed up. She laughed, "Yet, somehow understandable."

"Still unbelievable," Y/N uttered to herself again, falling in the line. As her eyes went forward, she noticed something familiar of the figure in front of someone that was in front of her.

Oh, no.....

Shit, that can't be him....

Creasing her eyes and eyebrows, anticipation rised immediately in her as she took in this person; tall, wide and muscular. And the brown leather jacket she now recognized so well. So much for unbelievable.

"Jason?" Y/N called out, her voice just loud enough for him to hear. And there he was when he looked up from his phone and turned his head immediately to her.

What the fuck.

A scowl in his face that surprised her more, he gave his spot to the person between them and now faced her. "What are you doing here?" Jason asked too frankly that it made her think she did something wrong to make him seem off.

"What?" She replied clueless, blinking her eyes a few times. Steadying herself as she feels the heaviness in her chest from the sudden appearance of him out of nowhere again and the intensity in his gaze.

Huh?

"I meant, why are you alone?" Tone and gaze still sharp. And that was it, he was worried. The alarm that he felt when he heard her voice and most certainly when he saw that it was just her. His eyes soften when he noticed her confused and alarmed ones, then stepped back a little as he realized they were too near from each other. Not missing the fact that her chest was heaving lightly.

Well, shit.

It now clicked to her. "Because I can? And Alfred allowed me," she says with raised eyebrows, genuinely confused but understood where his concern was coming from.

Jason let out a 'tsk' and raked his fingers through his hair, frustrated. Irked that something like this was happening. Though he was aware that the streets of their city was okay enough to be pranced around mindlessly in the past few days, he contributed a lot too much in making that happen, by the way. Still it irked him.

And some people say I'm reckless.

Oh.......awe.

Y/N's lips curved a little, her heart fluttering when she sees his frustrated state. "Darling, are you worried about me?" She pulled the same tone the way he did back then.

Jason was surprised, quite taken back with her, and realized that got a bit carried away by his concern. But then got a hold of their usual banter. "And what if I was?" He took his step back to her, and towered her over once again.

I have got to stop this.

She really thinks he needs to stop being adorable.

She cranes her neck to him with a smile curving, "Then you're gonna flatter me." It took all her might to stop her hands from ghosting his chest that was well defined by the black shirt that fitted him too nice.

What even are you thinking?

"My pleasure." The rough yet smooth voice of his so clear in her ears as he leaned down his face a little to hers.

"Sir, are you going to order or not?"

Y/N's hand went flying to her mouth as she laughed, Jason turned to see that there were no line anymore in front of him, but just an employee who looked too much fed up from their work.

Jason coughed and walked to the counter, not meeting anyone's eyes but kept his stare at the menu. A quiet laugh rumbling in his chest as he hears her giggle.

How fucking smooth, you idiot.

So there they were, walking in the streets as the night was busy. While Jason's plan for tonight didn't include something like it, he couldn't or rather didn't want to let her be as she was alone, or maybe just because he's already grown fond of her presence already, or he'd regret it the same level as he was with their whole situation if he passed by this moment......this something.

And while Y/N couldn't complain by the company, but how could she even anyway if it was him? Oh, she remembers her words to Dick, all too well she does. But this night couldn't hurt any of them, at least she hopes so.

Jason was holding a bag of their food and Y/N holding a cup of soda, a blue cup that was plastered with Superman's symbol particularly.

He eyes her as she drank from her cup, "Superman, huh?"

"Oh, fuck off," she laughed, "You don't hear me saying anything about that Wonder Woman either." Eyes drawn onto his cup that was the same as hers but only with the Wonder Woman symbol.

"Alright, alright, fair enough....but who do you think is better than the other though?"

"We are so not going there."

They found themselves in the park, with not so many people in the place. It was a cold night, with trees whooshing hastily with the wind, the tall lamps with bright yellow colors, the sounds of the busy night as it always is now only sounds faint from where they are now.

Y/N skipped to a table she saw with a good view, Jason only followed. "When I've been wondering where you were last night or earlier, I didn't expect to see you tonight, or at the Bat Burger, actually....wait, is that your dinner?" Y/N rambled, lost at the moment again that she said something she wasn't sure if she should have. She realizes this and looked at him, seeing him at pique. "I.....mean..."

There I fucking go again...

Wondering, huh?

He didn't literally smile but inside him, he rather did. He thought to save his teasing later on and so he just huffed as he sat down across from her. "I've been helping a friend with his work lately and I just got back from it when you saw me there." A lot of the times, all of the times actually, when she asked him of anything, he answers the truth, well at least not all of it, but still true. Okay, maybe not the knife and forearm thing. This time it was Roy he had been with like so every other times. Going with his friend actually was agreeable to him these days, definitely not because he had an excuse to be not in the manor when she's there. Truly that was not the reason he's been keen on going with his said dear friend that piss him off too much sometimes. Yeah, not that.

They both start to eat their food. "I see...well, I hope it went well."

If well meant taking out probably more than fifteen goons of some sick mobster that he forgot the name of....

"Yeah, it went well," he said, not missing a beat.

Y/N was still finding it a bit hard to believe how they were eating burgers and fries and ice cream that was named after the heroes and those who terrorized their city even for fuck sake, with the night seemingly so peaceful and them being under a tree out of it all.

A benidiction, she suppose. Who is she to complain about that?

She wasn't the only one. Jason had been in many encounters that was damn weird, but this particularly; being out in the night with someone that's been plaguing his mind a lot, that had his heart beating he never thought to beat again in the way it's been doing since his revelation—was fucking rare. A damn miracle, that's what.

"Your flower arrangement, by the way.....it's very beautiful." Y/N spoke, remembering what they did earlier and that she didn't got to tell him of it.

And there was that time with the floral arrangement. All he intended to do when he went to the manor was just to put back the book he took last week but as always, things had other plans for him. He couldn't stop whatever happiness that was blooming in him despite that he tried, even if it was beneath that regret, dread he continues to feel still. It couldn't stop, as if it was just the flowers he was holding that kept growing. ".....Thank you," he muttered, there he sees her fond gaze again and that damned smile. He can't take it, so he steered the other way. "You need to be more better at it, so you could teach me again next time." He says too fast. He should have thought it through better.

I did not just say that.

Ha.

Y/N's chewing from her eating now gone slow, a grin formed just when she swallowed. The little diss just passed by her ears. "I think what I heard was that you want to spend time with me again." She was really thankful she already emptied her mouth or she could have choked from her own words.

I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Maybe. I can't argue with that one.

"Better get your ears checked, sweetheart."

"I don't know, darling. I stand by it."

Jason laid his arms on the table and leaned to her a bit. "And if that's what I really meant?"

She mirrored his movements, their faces meeting halfway. That same boldness in her once again. "Then I'm at your command." Almost in a whisper. Gentle was her voice still but so much was in it. A harmless phrase that was supposed to be playful now turned into something so fierce for the both of them. Jason's lips parted, seeming to forget how to breathe while his heart was banging so loud against his whole body. It took his all to stop his eyes from going down to her lips. He knows it's a path he can't walk away from.

Then I'm at your mercy.

I'm so bad at controlling myself.

Y/N leaned back and looked down while she wraps her arms around her, attempting to stop herself from trembling as the wind was starting to get colder. But it was rather from their heated moment that got her weakening so. She knows that. They both do.

The cold wind made all the rushing nerves in her worse and chided herself from not bringing anything to warm herself with.

That's what I get for pulling such shit.

When she pulled away, Jason breathed out deeply with closed eyes—Almost lost it. Then he sees her shivering. Cursing at himself for not realizing sooner that she was already cold for she was only wearing just a green top that didn't even covered her upper chest fully and it was short sleeved. With quivering fingers, he didn't hesitate to take off his jacket as soon as he saw this and put it around her when he stood up. He needed to get away.

Not again.

Oh.

"I...thank you," she muttered still quietly, hesitating to grasp the cloth around her as she stood up as well. Jason took their trash away then came back to their place, though he was not meeting her eyes. "I should take you back." He said, not bothering to wait for her as he started to go.

They both lost their composure. They weren't sure if they were thrown in the fire or ice. In that short moment, they burned, an element so warm, so welcoming, it burned too hot that it's as if a bucket of ice got thrown to them once they realized.

Y/N followed him with unsteady footsteps, chest merely heaving.

Stop. Stop. Stop.....

She stopped walking, eyes ahead on his distancing figure again. Taking a breath, "Jason." Called out her so breathlessly, yet still loud. She now gripped his jacket tightly around her when he stopped walking and turned to her. Mind of hers was stammering, she was unsure of what to say.

To Jason's eyes, it was there, she was there. But at the edge of it all, he can't urge himself to go forward. So he stood there, waiting for her.

"....Thank you," said Y/N, she said nothing more than that.

They both stood there for only seconds but it felt forever to them. Jason understood what she meant, then came his soft smile. It made her heart hurt.

Dear lord, no. She knows she's clearly losing.

"You don't always have to thank me." The tension in him was leaving.

Y/N smiled and walked to him. The giddiness in her rising as he didn't move until she was beside him again. "You gotta get used to it." That's what he feared. Seeing her so delighted because of him, how can he really take it?

But despite that, contentment for his night was made present. Despite the cold of the night, what warmth they continue to emit spills into him.

How could I be used to this?

"If you're done spying on them," Bruce's voice said from their comm line to Stephanie and Duke specifically.

"Oh, shut it, Bruce. Let's not pretend you didn't just announce that you'll have a gala for the sake of hosting one for your company, or whatever you said at the newspaper." Stephanie retorted too full of venom, not that Bruce isn't used to it years ago.

Where ever they hid to get a good spot of spying on the two, could only be credited by their skills and determination......desperation. Or they found the nearest building to the park so that they could do their agenda; watching them closely with binoculars that is.

"Hnn....I expect you to be at the batcave in ten minutes."

"How do we not let Jason find out that we spied on them. I think Dick got a long sparring with him when he found out...." Duke says as they began to run.

"He won't."

"He will, won't he?"

"Yep, better prepare yourself."

"Damn.....anyways, that was so intense," Duke expressed. Duke knew how annoying it could be to be at the other end of their spying agenda but he supposed to be at the starting point of it this time. The joy and so much amusement in them as they watched the two.

"We haven't seen nothin' yet." Stephanie laughed menacingly that got Duke laughing warily again.

Y/N lay awake in her bed, unable to sleep as the happenings of her day continues to play in her mind. Sighing as she sat up and run her hands over her face. She took her robe, wrapping it on her while she walked out of her room.

With no place particular in her mind as she wanders through the hall now that she was downstairs, the drawing room was wide opened. This made her stopped walking and in front of it, realizing that she spent time in the room with him. Walking in, the scent of the flowers was still strong, which led her eyes to looking for their flowers they arranged. And there she found them besides each other on the main table of the drawing room where they arranged it.

Alfred.....you..

Y/N smiled in sheer awe as she now stood in front of it. Her hand ghosted over the flowers of Jason's, heart starting to flutter again too many times already. "What you do to me," she whispered.

How they created such....whatever they may have created in only a short time is a wonder to her, it was unlike she's ever had, ever felt.

Her fist clenched on her robes and lulled her head to the side so softly with eyes closed, trying to get a hold of his scent again, imagining his gentle smile. That hold of herself, she's lost it. Her eyes fluttered opened, a sign that she's realized it.

For whatever reason he was holding back the same as her, she now wanted to know for she wanted to step forward.

"It's okay to be happy, too."

"You deserve happiness."

Those words ringing in her, may it be as a reminder, a comfort.

She now wanted to know. But she was willing to wait.

The unserious words she carelessly said earlier came back to her and it was truly fitting should she be given a chance. She'll be at his command.

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