#anyway enjoy! do i have a snippet written about them catching feelings and

[moriaarts]

@waxerboilmonth : Week 1 take 2: Something Different - Commander Boil

Or ARC Cody and Waxer not as bad as Fives and Echo but equipped with Obi-wan’s olympic gold in fighting with words and fists they are definitely a headache. Also posted this originally to the wbmonth discord and jsyk Wax makes Boil sweetened caff using the sweets Obi gives them.

[casualaruanienjoyer]

(Before you start reading, this is a silly Aruani scenario I wrote as a bit of a follow up to my other snippet, Flowers. I've never written a fic this long before so I apologize in advance if it's not the most coherent! Please let me know what you think, I would love to get any tips if you have any! Plus if there are any Aot inconsistencies, I apologize, I did try my best to build a setting that fits within the canon timeline I hope. Plus, some events happen in the past and the dialogue is marked with italics, I hope this past-present jump isn't too confusing! I'll shut up now and let you read!!)

Weapon

Tonight is obnoxious. Rowdy. Deafening even.

All the girls are chatting enthusiastically, some doing their hair, others trying to decide what to wear. All while Annie rests on her bed with her eyes closed.

She's tired. Her brows are twisted in an almost constant frown, hands resting lazily on her stomach. Why must her roommates be so exhausting?

"I'm so nervous about the exam tomorrow!" Sandra whines, but before she can spiral further down her mental path of despair, she gets headbutted by Mina.

"Come on, what did I tell you!? No more exam talk, tonight we party!"

Ah, yeah.... The party.

The party that the trainees decided to organize the night before one of their big exams. A stupid decision, Annie thought. Wouldn't they want to be in top shape tomorrow morning? Surely that would be the rational way of thinking.

But the more time Annie spent with her colleagues, the more she understood that she was very much not a regular teenager. It was, in a way, frustrating to witness such trivial behaviour. Though deep down it was also strangely endearing. Maybe if her life had been different, she too could have been excited about a simple party.

She never had the time to think about her hairstyle or ponder her outfits. These subjects were so low on her list of priorities that Annie often wonders if they'll ever see the surface. Even when faced with the possibility of buying herself something new, she doesn't know how to choose for herself. What exactly does she like?

She always thought that as long as her clothes made her feel comfortable enough to fight, that's what really matte-

She shifts on the bed, eyes fluttering open to stare at the bunk above.

Right...Fighting. The one thing that truly defines her. After all, a weapon doesn't need cute clothes.

A weapon also doesn't attend parties.

So, the plan is to patiently wait for everyone else to leave so she can enjoy a quiet and peaceful even-

"Annie, are you coming?"

For a second, she doesn't reply. Annie's unsure whether she feels annoyed or surprised that someone noticed her otherwise ghostly presence. But when the intruder doesn't leave her side, she sighs and turns towards them.

Mikasa. Of course. Annie didn't know how to feel about Mikasa. She was an intimidating beast in battle, a perfect sparring opponent for Annie. But she also had a strange crush on Eren that pretty much everyone but him knew about. A shame really, since Mikasa was the first girl that made Annie question her preferences.

Not that a weapon has any time for crushes.

"No" Annie replies shortly. She really isn't in the mood to chat.

"Ah I see" but Mikasa doesn't move. "Everyone is coming."

"And...?" Why does Mikasa of all people care about this anyway.

"I can lend you a skirt, if that's why you look so grumpy".

Grumpy? Grumpy?? Is she joking?

"You'd never catch me wearing one." Annie retorts, taking in Mikasa's outfit. Her signature pastel pink skirt matches nicely with a plain white shirt and her red scarf. Annie often wonders if Mikasa ever washes it. "I don't do parties".

"Reiner and Bertholdt will be there."

Great, now Annie's thinking about those two assholes. Fantastic. Another reason NOT to go.

"You're not doing a great job at convincing me." Annie turns to face the wall, hoping Mikasa will just leave if she ignores her long enough.

"Annie…" a sly voice calls out and it makes her groan. "Guess who else's gonna be there?" Mina shouts smugly from somewhere in the room.

"Yeah Annie" Ymir appears from the bunk above her head. "You gonna leave him hanging?"

Annie can feel her cheeks heat up, but doesn't allow her emotions to show though her words. "No idea what you guys are talking about. Now get lost".

"Huh?" Mikasa replies, clearly in the dark, earning a round of giggles from the rest of the girls who one by one leave through the door. "Oblivious, both of them" Sandra whines once more before disappearing down the hallway with the rest.

Ymir jumps down, hooks an arm around Mikasa's shoulder and pulls her towards the door. "Don't let her ruin the fun, Mikasa. Let's go".

In just a few seconds the room falls silent. Beautiful, peaceful silence.

Annie turns on her back, exhaling. This is exactly what she wanted... so then why does she feel so conflicted.

The first thing that comes to mind is, unfortunately, Reiner and Bertholdt. Exactly why they decided to attend this party is beyond her understanding. Their whole game of playing "valiant soldier" as if nothing had happened really pisses her off. Running off to make friends like they weren't just some horrible mass murderers. Like they weren't the reason for hundreds of innocent deaths, including the family and friends of many of their colleagues.

Yes, innocent, because the moment the three of them arrived to Paradis it became pretty clear there were no devils. No Eldian empire, no nothing. These people didn't even have running water most of the time for fuck's sake!

Annie sits up on her bed, pushing hair away from her eyes.

Reiner would often tell Annie they were "brave warriors" whenever they'd persuade her to go on spying missions around Paradis. Of course, she would do most of the dirty work while they get to sit around 'making friends'.

"Assholes."

Annie rubs her eyes. She really needs to think about anything but Reiner and Bertholdt, so she gets up to stretch her legs.

She catches a glimpse of herself in the old, somewhat muddy mirror that the girls had hung by the door. Her thoughts rewind to Mikasa's question from earlier and when her mind conjures a skirt on her mirrored self, she shakes her head.

"Yeah, no."

How Mikasa could balance being a terrifying beast with being a soft flower girl is beyond Annie. The same person excelling at mercilessly slicing titan decoys left and right would come back to dorms to change into such delicate clothes.

There's absolutely nothing delicate about Annie. Well, nothing she thought was delicate, anyway.

She feels her ears heat up again as her mind finally lands on the one subject of conversation that she REALLY tried to avoid thinking about tonight.

Armin Arlert.

The boy everyone seems to be teasing Annie about tonight.

Out of all her colleagues, Armin was the one she'd spent the most time around. Annie had tasked herself with learning as much about life on Paradis as she could, so they'd often bump into each other in the library. There was a lot of silence when they read together, but sometimes Armin would break it to ask for her point of view on various subjects: history, strategy, science... the list goes on.

"Why would you want -my- opinion?"

"You're a very practical person Annie! Your perspective could really help me ground some of my ideas." He would say with a determined smile on his lips.

"Practical, huh?" Annie looks at herself in the mirror again. Maybe that's what defined her? Practical, simple things. She did really like her very practical hoodie.

Then she glances down at her hands, her rough knuckles riddled with battle scars and bruises. Mikasa's hands were never this gnarly. She didn't spend her childhood beating the ever-living shit out of a fighting dummy.

Even now, Annie would often stay up late training and sometimes she'd find Armin doing the same. He really struggled to keep up with physical training, so he would work overtime to have any chance at passing his exams. His determination often worked against him though.

One time when Annie was practicing throwing her punches, she suddenly got interrupted by a sharp yelp. Armin somehow managed to get stuck under some weights he was trying to lift and was gasping for air.

"Don't overdo it" Annie said, effortlessly lifting the weights from Armin's chest. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Annie, how did you get so strong?"

She thought about her dad for a second, but decided it would be best to avoid that subject. "Practice. A lot of it."

She reached out for Armin's outstretched hand to help him on his feet. He was so light that Annie wondered if a boy like him could ever survive being a soldier.

To her surprise, Armin didn't let go of her grip, instead glancing down at her bruised knuckles. The warmth of his palm was so unfamiliar to Annie that it made time itself stop for just a second.

"Your hands..." he broke the silence, prompting her to pull them away and hide them in her pockets.

"Ugly, I know" she turned to leave.

"No, that's not what I-" his voice cracked, so he took a second to choose his next words. "They're exactly how I expected them to be."

"What does -that- mean?" Annie shot him a questioning look.

"They're strong.... and soft".

"Soft...?" Annie whispers to herself, taking one final look in the mirror before turning to glance outside the window. She can see various trainees heading towards the canteen.

Towards the party. The party where Armin will be. The same Armin that thinks her hands are soft.

"This is stupid" she groans, hands massaging her face in frustration.

It seems like weapons do indeed have time to think about crushes. Way too much, in fact.

As much as she hates to admit it, Armin's been on her mind. With how often they seem to bump into each other, you would think that they're doing it on purpose.

And then... there's the flowers. The mysterious flowers that began appearing on the window sill beside her bunk. The same flowers that the girls had been relentlessly gossiping about up until last week when- well…

When Annie unintentionally discovered the identity of the mysterious person leaving said flowers behind. And to make things worse, almost everyone was awake enough to witness Armin of all people gifting her a bouquet.

"They reminded me of you" was the only thing he said before he disappeared out of sight. However, his words were enough for a wave of gasps and screams to erupt in the whole room. So, ever since then she's been endlessly tormented by her roommates with various uncomfortable and quite invasive questions.

She also hasn't talked to Armin since. Whether it was her who was avoiding him or the other way around, they seemed to miss each other every day since.

So really, she should keep it that way. That's why Annie should not go to the party.

And she should totally NOT open the door, walk down the hallway and out of her cabin. But when the cold wind ruffles her hair, she already knows she'd lost this battle. "Idiot…" she mutters to herself, knowing full well she's heading towards a battlefield she's absolutely not prepared for.

Thankfully, everyone seems to have already gotten to the canteen by now so no one's there to witness Annie's walk of shame towards the building.

Why exactly is she doing this? What will this accomplish? She doesn't know herself.

The more Annie aged the more her feelings became annoyingly complicated and downright unpredictable. She often wished she was just a guy like Reiner and Bertholdt because it just seemed so much easier. A guy didn't have to worry about cute clothes or soft hands. Well, maybe except for Jean, but Annie really didn't want to think about another asshole right now.

So, when she carefully pushes the door to the canteen open, she decides to try and abandon any unwanted thoughts. She steps in and to the side, silently.

The air inside the canteen is warm and the only sources of light are a few stray candles lit on the outskirts of the room. It also looks as if the tables had been pushed to the side to make more room in the middle, where some trainees are dancing around in clumsy circles. Some of them had brought in a few rudimentary instruments to fill the silence with music.

Annie can smell booze in the air and she immediately knows someone had broken into their instructor's personal stash of alcohol. Again.

Parties really weren’t Annie's thing and she already feels uncomfortable. Everything is so loud and overwhelming that it makes her feel uneasy. There’re way too many people gathered close together for her liking. But when she reaches for the doorknob thinking she'd just leave, a voice from behind stops her in her tracks.

"Hey, flower girl! Didn’t expect to see you here! "

Fuck.

It’s too late.

"Hey Annie, did you hear-" but Annie’s hand flies over Jean’s mouth, silencing him. He absolutely reeks of alcohol.

"Keep quiet or else" she shoots him a glare so sharp that Jean shudders.

"Alright, alright" she drops her hand to let him speak and wipes it on the side of her trousers. Jean’s an absolute mess and he looks so dishevelled that Annie really doesn’t want to imagine exactly what he had been doing tonight. Or just where his mouth had been.

"You’re way too tense, sheesh. Here for the party, I take?" a smug grin crosses his face. "Didn’t take you for the partying type."

"I’m not. I was just leaving" she takes a step back towards the door hoping to sneak out before anyone else notices her.

"Ohoho, who do we have here?"

Dammit, that’s one asshole Annie didn’t want to meet tonight.

"Annie, I didn’t know you’d come" Reiner appears from her side, blocking the door. His arms are crossed in an overly confident posture as he leans against the entrance. The collar of his shirt hangs loosely around his neck and his skin is so bruised it makes Annie feel sick. What a god damn loser.

"Fuck off." she hisses back.

"Now, now, there’s no reason to be so aggressive. You should have some fun sometimes too" Reiner laughs. "Do you know what fun means, Annie?"

"I’m not playing this game tonight Reiner" she pushes past Jean, eyes locking on the other exit of the canteen located at the end of the hall. "Pretend you never saw me and go back to fucking or whatever you two were doing."

"Harsh" she hears Jean mutter before disappearing into the crowd. Annie pushes past various other trainees, some that she knows and some she’d not spoken to before. Not that she talks a lot to begin with. She notices Hannah and Franz making out somewhere in the distance, a very loud and very drunk Connie dancing on his own atop a table and a group of people surrounding Mikasa who’s sitting at one of the seats next to Eren, lost in her thoughts.

She keeps her head low as she makes her way straight for the other exit, avoiding making any unnecessary eye contact with anyone familiar. She just needs to reach the stairs, run up and escape though the back. She just needs to make it past the-

Shit. In her desperate attempt to leave she nearly walked into the rowdy circle of people dancing in the middle of the room. Before anyone can yank her in the never-ending circle of hellish dances she pushes to the side, walking around the edge of the crowd.

Annie’s chest tightens and her breaths become somewhat agitated. All this is so… normal that it makes her sick. She feels like an alien- no, she IS an alien among all these people. Loud laughter contorts into horrifying screams in her head and she feels the need to scream I’m sorry! at the top of her lungs. Her feet stumble and she leans against a pillar to hold herself up.

"Annie?"

… Oh no. No, no, no!

Anyone but him!

"Are you ok?" Armin speaks from below her in a quiet voice. He seems to have taken refuge somewhere on the side of all the action, sitting on a bench by the pillar Annie stopped by.

She doesn’t meet his eyes. Hell, she can barely hold herself up at the moment. Stopping helped her steady her breathing, but now her mind floods with thoughts about Armin and she feels like her head is going to explode.

She doesn’t know how much time passed, a minute, thirty, an hour before she gathers her thoughts and replies with a faint "I’m fine".

"Do you need to sit down? Or maybe a drink?" he asks so cautiously that Annie wonders when she became this visibly vulnerable.

"No, it’s ok. I was just leaving."

She finally manages to look Armin in the eyes and suddenly, it’s quiet.

So quiet.

Because he’s looking back at her with so much care that time stops around her. His hair’s a mess, sticking to his face in several places where sweat varnishes his skin. Some of it had been pulled back, presumably to cool him down. She can’t help but think it looks so good on him. Annie’s eyes then shamelessly follow the curve of his exposed neck only to notice that his chest was rising quite rapidly as well. Had he been dancing too?

She didn’t know Armin could dance.

"Um… Annie?" he says sheepishly, somewhat self-conscious.

Fuck, Annie was staring.

"Have you been dancing?" she blurts our, immediately regretting her words. Of course he was, everyone here was!

"Ah, yeah actually. I quite enjoy it" he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "Do you?"

Annie stares at the rowdy crowd in the middle of the room, looking hell straight in the eye. "Not really."

"I see" he replies.

There’s silence for a bit. It’s so awkward that Annie doesn’t know how to deal with it. All the confidence she had earlier on had disappeared. Why exactly did she come here to begin with? She was going to meet Armin and then… what?

"I don’t know how to dance either" he suddenly whispers in a soft voice, taking her by surprise. He leaned over as if he was sharing one of his biggest secrets. "I just make it up as I go. But don’t tell anyone."

She blinks, not quite knowing what to say. His proximity makes her ears burn.

"I can teach you, i-if you want?" he continues somewhat shyly.

Annie has no idea when Armin Arlert became so confident. Was it at the library? Or maybe during training, or perhaps when he gifted her flowers?

Annie curses herself for replaying those events in her mind all at once. Why was he doing all this to begin with?

"Too many people" she mutters, trying to brush him off.

"I see…"

Shit, he sounds so disappointed that her chest tightens. But this is good, it’s perfect because from where she’s standing there’s a clear path towards the exit. A few steps and she’s out of the canteen and back in her bed. All she needs to do is leave. Easy.

So then why does she grab his hand instead.

"My room is empty. We can do it there."

Fuck, that came out completely the wrong way and she mentally punches herself for her inability to choose words more carefully.

Armin’s face reddens so deeply that she worries he might combust. But he looks so determined when he squeezes her hand and nods in agreement. And it’s this pure boldness of his that makes Annie wonder-

Can weapons fall in love?

[zombee]

I feel like the luckiest Our Flag Means Death fan in the world after the season 2 finale. By a series of incredible circumstances - including a significant metatextual realization that came in at the 11th hour - it was close to perfect for me.

This essay has everything. Completely normal behavior over a television series. Steven Universe references. The David Jenkins School of Whatever is Best for the Bit. Humbling catharsis.

First: this piece does not exist with the central thesis of “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad.” I feel like thousands of words have already been written on this since Thursday, so I’m going to try to not get too in depth on that.

Second, cards on the table, because it’s relevant and I don’t want to waste your time if this is going to sour your ability to hear me out: I’m an Izzy Canyon hater. For MANY reasons, but from way before the concept of the Canyon existed, (some) Izzy fans pinged me in the same way as Snape/Kylo Ren fans did, and before May 2022 was over I went from genuinely enjoying Izzy’s character and place in the narrative to hating him because his fans made it impossible for me to enjoy him anymore.

(SOME! of his fans. Please don’t keep making me say this, although I’m not going to talk about the Canyon directly anymore after this. I know there are a ton of normal Izzy Enjoyers and even Canyonites, I am literally friends with many of them, please take this all in the good faith it’s intended and if you’re not One Of The Bad Ones then you’re fine! I very carefully don’t go anti-Izzy on main, and when I stopped enjoying his character, I stopped writing him into fics. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just want to be honest. Anyway.)

The season 2 finale made me weep over Izzy Goddamn hands.

ALL season long, I was disgruntled. All season long. I really, truly, DEEPLY appreciated what they were doing with his character and arc, I thought it was wildly on brand for the themes of community/queerness in the show, I saw the vision, I liked it!!! But. I wanted a fucking apology, yall. I needed three seconds of “sorry I called you a slur, Ed :/” and that would have been enough. But I had to let it go. It was poisoning my enjoyment of the whole season, which I loved with very little exception (not none!) and I just had to let it go. I wasn’t getting an apology. That didn’t negate what they were doing with his character.

Yall. They withheld the apology on purpose.

THIS FUCKING SHOW!!!

Let’s go back a bit. I was at the episode 6 + 7 screening, and the breakup shook me. Probably a LOT more than if I had watched it alone in bed at 3am on my laptop - five days of no sleep after NYCC, lots of emotions, seeing it on a big screen with a hundred other intense fans, etc etc - but I did see other folks reacting in parallel ways to me when the episodes aired to the regular public, so maybe I would have felt the same way. Regardless, I was mad at Stede and to a lesser extent Ed. I NEEDED AN APOLOGY FOR THAT FISH LINE. I needed it! “Whativah” autocorrects to “WHATIVAH” in my phone. I was going through it.

(When I rewatched the episode when it aired it was not nearly as bad as I remember, lol)

So now the episode 8 screeners go out and the reviews drop and I think I catch one half-glimpse of a “What a heartbreaking ending!” kind of snippet, and some of my friends who are spoiler fiends unintentionally drop little hints about similar ideas (devastating/heartbreaking/split the fandom) type shit.

And I was a fucking WRECK! about it.

I do love this whole show with my whole chest. I do!!! But I’m not rotted because this is an excellent television show, I’m rotted because two old men kiss each other! On the MOUTH!!! in an excellent television show. You get it, right? I’ve written 700,000 words across almost 100 fics and 98% of them are dedicated to those two men falling in love in different universes. 

So it just did not even occur to me the “heartbreak/devastation/fandom split” would be about anything but Gentlebeard.

Another piece of this that was fucking me up - David Jenkins and his “satisfactory” ending biz. My brain was reacting like this show was ENDING ending, even if I knew logically! that this is just season 2!!! And I wasn’t ready for that, because what if it wasn’t personally satisfying, and I’m a mess about it? Why was I so worried about not liking it? I’d liked the whole season! Even if they didn’t nail the landing I wasn’t going to stop writing fic or hanging out with my pirate community & friends. 

…is what I kept trying to tell myself, but the way anxiety disorders work is funny like that lol. What if I did stop writing fic and hanging out in pirate spaces? That would hurt much more than a show I like disappointing me. And for anyone who’s having that experience with ofmd s2, I’m so very, very sorry. It sucks and that’s where my epiphany came from on Wednesday before the finale.

Because it has happened to me before.

I flit from hyperfocus to hyperfocus, as ya do when you’re spicy, but the last thing to get its hooks in me PROPERLY like pirates was Steven Universe. And I did NOT like the way the regular season ended!!! (I actually really did like most of Future; that’s not what I mean. I mean season 5). I don’t like how they handled the Diamonds, tldr; I think the scope of their villainy got too out of hand, and I was left grieving the thing that had meant enough to me I ran a fan convention for four years based around it. 

Side note: imagine if I had channeled the hyperfocus of almost a million words of fanfiction into an American OFMD con instead. We could have made magic :( I did consult with Our Con Means Death though so I am at least a teeny tiny bit of that one!

I did not like the way Steven ended… but I do respect the story they were telling and think they told it well.

I’m still sad about it. Steven is still one of my most beloved, it will always be beautiful and great to me, but that experience did and does sully my memories. There is so, so, so, SO much more good than bad from being in that fandom, and I cherish it. And I hope, if you’re having this experience with OFMD right now, that you’ll find similar comfort.

But, like I said at the top, “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad” has been belabored already by people better at writing about it than me. I just had the incredible privilege to remember my brush with lower case T trauma and having that experience in my last REALLY big deal fandom. That’s why I had been so extra anxious about being disappointed. Because it happened to me before. It helped so much to connect those two.

So the finale happens, and it’s actually about twelve hours of me going from “eh, rushed but fun, whole season was great” to “THIS MAYBE IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME, ACTUALLY!”

BECAUSE THIS SHOW MADE ME CRY OVER IZZY FUCKING HANDS!!!!

They literally told me this was the story they were telling this season. “Men can change” “The end  of piracy” “Ed leaving Blackbeard behind (ish).”

As for me? I didn’t get an apology for the fish. Instead, I got “Sorry I was a dick.” “You weren’t a dick. Life’s a dick.”

Just… fuckity BAM. THREE FUCKING SENTENCES resolving that fight. Saying so much in so little.

In real life, should these two men have an actual conversation about this shit? Sure!!! But that’s not how OFMD tells its stories!

It works in symbolism. It works in vibes. It works in an hour’s worth of content into each half-hour episode, and for how much lamenting I have done about the pacing, I would prefer that 100x to having to stretch it out too much.

I have said since March 24, 2022 that OFMD wields anachronism as a weapon. First and foremost, it’s fucking funny, but in addition to that, it’s stating clearly: “This is a fantasy world. This is not real history. This show is about romance (and so much more than that), and the rest is just VIBES!!!”

Sometimes vibes can be historical accuracy. Sometimes vibes can be true emotional poignancy. Sometimes vibes can be Ed finding his sunken leathers in the sea, changing underwater somehow, and coming out of the ocean like the Birth of Fucking Venus, because water and rebirth and mermaids and shit is all very prominent this season. And ALSO, and this is very important! BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING COOL!

I don’t want to do much real Izzy meta here. It’s been said by others, and better than me. But it was telegraphed and it was symbolic – he was the paragon of Traditional Piracy in season 1, for goodness’ sake, and Traditional Piracy is Toxic Masculinity, and he was a part of Blackbeard and Ed had to leave Blackbeard behind (yknow, ish), and he got this ABSOLUTLEY FUCKING LOVELY! storyline about appreciating what a (queer) community can do, and god fucking shit fucking dammit… most of all, best of all (for me), was Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave at the end. Men can change. And Izzy DID!!! He did it for Ed. For love. For community. I am puzzled by “it’s fucked up to use Izzy to further Ed’s storyline” because… this was Ed’s season, in the way that season 1 was Stede’s. And Ed cannot be removed from piracy as a whole (neither can Stede!) so to have this old, set in his ways, coded-queerphobic character blossom to the point he can give this gift to Ed and to piracy… idk man. I just find it so fucking beautiful.

It is okay not to like what they did. It’s okay!!! It’s okay, and it’s okay to mourn, and while it’s not okay to do [insert vile behavior here], it’s okay to carefully examine what you think is “bad writing” vs “what you would have preferred to happen” and give good-faith, textually-based criticism on that.

But I want to remind you over and over and over again, this show works on vibes. It tells its stories leaving many, many, many gaps. There are many things I would have liked to see, and y’know what? I would have told the Izzy story differently. I would have personally done it differently. But it’s not my show! It’s not my show, and I am humbled and delighted to remember that, and to appreciate Our Flag Means Death for what it is and not what it isn’t.

Other words have been written better than I could about the 18 months between seasons 1 and 2 and what that does to us as rabid fans with expectations of how things will go. Millions and millions and millions of words have been written about OFMD, fictional and non, and that is going to color our expectations and experience. We had built it up SO MUCH in our minds and along the way I think some of us forgot (INCLUDING ME!!!) that it is first and foremost about Vibes.

The vibes of Izzy’s death are about rebirth and forgiveness and leaving traditional piracy behind. And he got to die in Ed’s arms, knowing (HAPPILY!) that he had been wrong, and giving Ed the gift of letting him know he is loved, and being a part of something. We had a funeral but we also had a wedding. The only constant is change. Men, piracy, Blackbeard; it all changes. And Izzy found peace in that.

Before my last point, I want to @ myself on things I felt versus realizing in the end it is (I will say it until I’m blue in the face) about vibes.

· I was convinced they left Buttons’ transformation ambiguous because they wanted to leave room for it not having been real. NO!!! It is real, until they decided it isn’t. Magic in the OFMD universe? Fucking why not!!! IT’S SYMBOLIC!!! IT’S IMPORTANT TO ED’S STORYLINE AND THE CENTRAL THESES OF THE SHOW!

· I was unhappy, and still am a little, about the Polycule Situation, but now that I realize Oluwande is Zheng’s Stede… I am less so. The Zheng : Auntie :: Ed : Izzy vibes, btw? Fuckin immaculate.

·        Obviously they touched on Stede/Ed’s “killing people trauma” but I’d reallyyyy like Stede to address it, and even though I think Ed’s is left on a very satisfying note, I’d like him to dip a bit more into it as well. But if they don’t, oh well! It’s not like they ignored it, they just didn’t have a Deep Dive like I Wanted Them To!

· They didn’t deal with Ed throwing Stede’s shit away. They just ignored it! Stede started to collect new trinkets, and I believe that was as much about giving the audience back the old feeling of the Revenge as it was anything important (not to say it wasn’t also important thematically!!!). Just like Ed going back to his leathers is both Extremely Important thematically and about putting Taika back in the leathers because that’s what Blackbeard should be wearing for the epic final scenes for the sake of visually keeping the show consistent. That’s Blackbeard’s uniform.

· Stede’s frilly little outfits my beloved. God I hope they give him back some of his frippery in season 3. I think they will re: cursed suit BUT his journey this season was about something else, so!

· Ed’s stupid little non-profit non-apology, oh my god. It was so funny. And there is a transition from eps 5 to 6 where Ed is back in his leathers and the crew is more comfortable around him. They didn’t have to have him do a Real Apology, it’s implied it was all settled. What was the timeline? A day? DOESN’T MATTER, BABY, VIBES!!!

· Lots more, I’m sure, but now that I’ve tried to let it all go, I’m remembering less of what I wanted and appreciating what I got!

And, last point here, I think it is also very very very important to remember that a lot of people are normal about this show. In fact, WAY more people are normal about this show than aren’t. And that is EXTREMELY! IMPORTANT!!! because otherwise it wouldn’t be profitable and we all know what would happen then. We are the core of it, to be sure. Without word of mouth that stems from our intensity, this show would not be NEARLY as successful as it is. I truly, truly believe that.

But.

Do normies need deeply emotional discussions dissecting the central relationships? No. What normies need is Ed and Stede running dramatically toward each other on the beach and kissing. And I am happy, so fucking happy, to realize that’s what I need too. I’ve got fanworks for the rest.

I love this fucking show and this fucking fandom and its fucking creators so much. Fuck.

[dingbatnix]

Slime

Who's ready for some angst?

So anyway I have a different fic (the snippet I posted just a second ago) I wanted to do for valentine's, but that one is nowhere near finished, and this one is, so. Y'know.

It's kinda badly written, buuuut I don't care. I'm so very tired o~0

Anyway, enjoy!

Warnings:: Fear of death, dehumanization, ect.

Word Count: 3,070

Karl can't speak in his gummy/true form—which I've decided to use for angst.

He is a relative of the slime family, kinda like Slimecicle, but Karl can’t really control his form when he’s stressed/has lost too much mass. He mostly violet/purple, but his limbs do have a slight gradient to blue/teal. He is much younger than Slimecicle, and has not lived in a hole for centuries, so he has a much, much better understanding of retaining a human form and shape than Charlie does.

So anyway, he gets stuck in his true form for some reason, like exhaustion or stress.

It's equated to damage, like slime hybrids in osmp. He gets attacked by a mob of zombies, loses his ability to retain human-ish shape, and loses enough mass to be small, like a foot tall small. If he had enough to eat, and wasn't super stressed, maybe he'd be able to gain back enough mass to become his human self again, but, as it is, he can't.

And he can't speak, either. His two fiancés, Sap and Q, don't know about his true form, and he's scared of what they might do to him if they catch him (while Sap and Q are very kind to him, in his human form, he didn't want to risk it. Quackity had a mean streak twenty miles wide, and Sapnap did enjoy killing things. Especially pets. What if he got mistaken for a hostile mob? He was a slime, after all) so, he tries to hide in Kinoko.

But! After a few too many close calls, he decides that it would be better for him to go somewhere else, so he travels out of Kinoko into the main Smp. This leads to him getting caught by some curious people (Tubbo, Ranboo, and Michael) who think that Karl's just a strange, somewhat intelligent, mob. They end up keeping him in a cage as a cool new pet, and poor Karl doesn't have anything to write with or signify that he's not an animal, dangit. A pencil wouldn't really be much use, because he didn't actually have fingers in his slime form, but still. He could have worked it out.

The teens weren't so bad, he supposed, but they treat him like he’s a cat or a dog or something, and it just feels demeaning. So, he devises a plan to escape. It’s really not that hard, actually, he just has to squish his malleable body through the bars of his kennel and make his way out the door. The snow outside poses a bit of a problem for his semi-liquid body, but he is the consistency of jello. It helps him a little bit, but some of his body mass freezes off, leaving him even smaller. Eventually, though, he manages to get out of the tundra and starts making his way back to Kinoko, because even if he gets caught and treated like a pet by Sap, Q and Goggy, at least it'd be safer. At least it'd be by people he trusted. At least it'd be by the people he loved. And even if they kill him, at least he wouldn’t have to live as somebody’s pet anymore.

Meanwhile, Sap and Q are freaking out, cause they can't find Karl anywhere, and it's bordering on four weeks that he's been missing. They’ve nearly turned the Smp upside-down looking for him, and unfortunately, nobody else has seen Karl, either.

So when Karl finally makes it out of the tundra, he still can't change back. He's just so stressed with everything going on, so when he eventually gets to Kinoko, he's faced with a choice: hide again, or show himself to try and communicate with the other residents of Kinoko.

He made the easy choice. He decides to find his fiancés.

The two were in the courtyard, Quackity reading through some documents piled next to him and Sapnap sparring against a training dummy. He approached them carefully, hiding behind barrels and building fixtures until he was close enough to reveal himself to Quackity. (He was not going near Sapnap with a sword, not when he looked like this. That was a good way to get cleaved in half.

He finally revealed himself to Quackity, stepping out from the shadows and tugging on the avian’s pant leg. Quackity shrieked, flailing enough to tip his wicker chair over and scatter his papers across the stones of the courtyard. Sapnap heard Quackity scream and was running in a flash, brandishing his sword towards Karl as he sprinted over.

Karl’s heart stopped. He had the opportunity to run, in the short time before Sanap arrived and speared him through, but…this was the first time he had seen either of his fiancés since he first got stuck like this. It had been nearly a month. And now, Sapnap was about to kill him, and they’d. They’d never know. They’d never know that it was him.

Karl’s legs wobbled, and then all but melted beneath his body. He threw his arms over his head and curled in on himself, his entire being quivering in fear and despair. He didn’t want to see Sapnap kill him, didn’t want to see one of the loves of his life deliver the final blow.

Sapnap skidded to a stop just as he reached them, head cocking in confusion as the little purple slime folded in on itself upon his arrival. The entire mass was wiggling, almost like it was afraid of him. Curiously, he poked it with the tip of his sword and was rewarded by it unfurling and trying to scramble away on its back. Beady little dot eyes blinked at him, wide and glimmering in the morning light.

"Hey! It's colored like one of Karl's hoodies! Like, y'know, the blue and purple one?" Sapanp realized, a grin spreading across his face as he shot a glance at Quackity. The avian, who had been crouched behind his overturned wicker chair, peeked over it at the slime's splayed out body. Sapnap was right. It did look like one of Karl’s hoodies.

“So it does,” he agreed, climbing to his feet and approaching Karl. “It…it seems more scared than hostile.” Karl nodded frantically at the avian’s words, scooching backwards as Quackity grew closer. Quackity paused in surprise and shared a look with Sapnap. He waved at the fireborn to put away his sword and turned back to the shivering slime on the ground.

“Hey,” he murmured, crouching slowly down to inspect the little slime. “Can you understand us?” At Karl’s hurried nod, a pensive frown stretched across his face. “...can you speak?”

Karl slowly shook his head, feeling strangely ashamed.

After some contemplation, he turned back to Sapnap with a curious expression on his face. “I think it’s like Charlie. Just…not quite as developed, maybe? Cause Charlie can talk, even when he’s small.”

Sapnap snorted out a small laugh. “Don’t let Charlie hear you say that. He’ll freak out over his ‘cover’ being blown.” All the same, he joined Quackity in inspecting Karl.

Karl deflated at the remark. While it wasn’t meant to hurt him, it still smarted. Charlie was older than he was! By several centuries! Of course he’d have better control over his body!

He waved his arms furiously, gesturing towards himself, and then towards Sapnap and Quackity. He was trying to tell them that it was him, that he was Karl, but they just didn’t seem to understand!

He couldn't sign either, he didn't. Have. Fingers.

He was still himself! He was still Karl…he guessed the others didn't realize that. He guessed they couldn't tell. They wouldn't have any reason to think that he, the strange little slime creature that wandered up to them, was their fiancé.

Unbidden, his eyes started to burn, and tears sprung to his eyes. Karl scrubbed at his eyes furiously. He didn't want to cry! Of all the things he couldn't do in his slime form, why wasn't crying one of them?!

"It's crying! Dude, I think you hurt its feelings! What do we do?" Sapnap exclaimed, tail twitching and flicking anxiously. Quackity shrugged, eyes guilty. “I dunno, man! I didn’t know slimes could cry! Charlie never has!”

Sapnap bit his lip, thinking, then scooped Karl up into his arms. “Hey, it’s okay, little guy. I know Quackity can be a dick sometimes, but don’t take it to heart. It’ll be okay, okay?” Sapnap ignored the affronted noise that the avian made and gently stroked his fingers over Karl’s head while making cooing noises. Karl took the gesture of comfort for what it was, burying his head against Sapnap’s chest and sobbing into the fireborn’s shirt. He poured the pent-up emotions of being trapped in a cage for days and treated like an animal, of being half frozen, of being afraid and unable to speak for weeks into Sapnap’s shirt, soaking it through with fluids he probably couldn’t afford to lose. If he kept crying like he was, he'd start losing more mass. He didn’t want that. Not when it was so hard to gain back.

Karl cries for a long, long while. Sapnap and Quackity don’t really know what to do, because that’s obviously not because of Quackity’s remark, but something that had built up over time.

They decide to take in the little slime, letting it live with them as long as it wanted to.

For Karl, their decision was a godsend, because he could rest and recover in a familiar place, with people he loved. He was allowed to roam wherever he wanted (which is a step up from the cage Tubbo had him in) and he stayed with at least one of his fiancés every day. Unfortunately, he was still stuck in his slime form, no matter what he tried.

Despite everything, Sapnap was rather…dense. And most of the time, Quackity was either busy with his affairs with Las Nevadas, or he was looking for Karl. Neither of them ever realized that he was with them, nearly all of the time.

And no matter how much he tried, he couldn't get his hands on an inked quill and a piece of paper. The frustration had reduced him to stinging tears, and it took him a while more before he gave up and accepted that he'd probably never get to tell his fiancés who he was.

It was fine. He would be fine.

He would.

_______

Quackity found himself becoming rather fond of the little slime over the few weeks it had been with them, and he was absolutely delighted on the days it decided to hang around with him. It usually alternated between himself and Sapnap, and sometimes didn’t go with either of them, but today it had decided to spend its time with him.

Right now, it was hanging from his neck like a sloth, or perhaps a koala would, as he made his way along one of the many paths of Las Nevadas. He was headed to the casino today, needing to do a checkup on the slot machines and make sure that nobody had tampered with anything.

A green, semi-translucent figure bounced towards Quackity, and a fond smile grew across his face as Charlie barreled closer. He raised a hand in preparation to greet the slime. Charlie’s face lit up, and he sped towards Quackity at a much more rapid pace, his own gelatinous arm raised to meet the avian’s.

"Hello, Quackity from Las Nevadas! Hello, Karl from Kinoko Kingdom!" A green palm slapped his own, but Quackity was too startled to respond to the slime’s exuberant greeting. Karl was here?!

Quackity jerked ramrod straight, and his head whipped from side to side, wildly searching the surrounding buildings. "Karl?"

The little purple slime frantically patted Quackity's chest, nearly losing its one-armed grip around the avian's neck. Quackity looked down at it with sad eyes, confusion clear in his face.

Karl slapped his own chest, staring imploringly at the big avian. To his utter disappointment, Quackity looked away from him and back up at Charlie.

"Wh–where's Karl, Charlie? Where did you see him?" The avian sounded desperate, and it hurt, to hear Quackity call for him when he was right there. Karl’s eyes stung, and he sent a pleading look Charlie’s way. The bigger slime met his gaze, and a small, sympathetic grin formed over his face.

Very gently, the bigger slime leaned forward and patted one green hand on top of Karl's head. "Karl from Kinoko Kingdom." The green slime said plainly, moving his gaze from Karl up to Quackity’s.

Karl nodded frantically, twisting his hand-nubs into Quackity's rumpled dress shirt and bracing his legs against the avian’s sternum. He pulled himself up, high enough that he was face-to-nose with Quackity, and waved frantically between himself and Charlie. His movements were so violent that he lost his grip, and panic strummed though his body when he tipped backwards and fell.

His back smacked against something oddly lumpy, and he realized that Quackity had brought his hands up to catch him, even while he was staring at him as if he was in some kind of daze.

Finally, Quackity blinked several times and hesitantly brushed his thumb along Karl’s arm, almost as if he thought the slime would disappear at a moment's notice.

“Y-You’re Karl?!” His voice was shaking, and his eyes were watering. Karl nodded frantically, curling one of his hand-nubs around Quackity’s thumb. The line of the avian’s mouth wavered, and he wiped his eyes on his shoulder before turning to Charlie.

"Charlie, why can't he talk?"

"He's been de-gooped, Quackity from Las Nevadas. He doesn't have enough of himself to form properly." Charlie paused for a long moment, then. "Not that I know anything about that, seeing as I am a perfectly normal human being with perfectly normal human bones."

Quackity didn’t bother answering, instead staring down at the little purple slime draped over his hands. Karl had been with them the entire time…? Karl had been with them while they were looking for him…

An incredulous laugh escaped from his lips, and soon, he found himself doubled over, Karl clutched to his chest, cackling like a madman as a wave of emotion overcame him.

Karl found himself squished against a layer of smoky cotton as he was squeezed to Quackity’s chest in a desperate hug, the scent of cigarettes and the dusty smell of sand pervading his senses from the tight embrace.

After what felt like too much time and not enough, Quackity loosened his grip on Karl’s body, and his laughter petered out. A doofy grin still decorated his face, and his eyes were scanning over Karl like he’d never seen him before.

Seconds later, his eyes widened, and his grin grew. “I gotta tell Sapnap! Holy fuck he’s gonna be so happy!”

Quackity shifted Karl to one arm and pulled his communicator out with the other. It took him a few seconds to do it one handed, but Karl saw him pull up Sapnap’s contact and hit call. It rang for a few moments, before their third picked up. “Yea–”

“Sapnap, Sapnap, I fucking found Karl.” Quackity didn’t even pause to let Sapnap get a word in, bowling over anything the other man had to say. “Sapnap, he’s the fucking slime, he’s fucking been here the whole goddamn time!”

“Oh my fucking god.”

“I fucking know!” Quackity grinned down at Karl, cradled in the crook of his left arm. Karl waved back up at him, eyes scrunched up in joy.

“I’m headed over there right now. Don’t you two fucking move, got it?”

Quackity laughed and planted himself on a bench on the side of the road, pulling Karl into his lap and hugging the little slime to his chest. “We won’t, we won’t. We’ll be here, dude.”

Quackity hung up and shoved his communicator back into his pocket. His other arm circled around Karl’s pliable body, and he looked down at the slime, eyes wide with wonder.

“Dude, what the fuck,” he whispered, and all Karl could do was shrug, chest feeling lighter than it had in a long, long while.

Charlie wandered away while they waited, stating that he needed to go check his holes (Quackity needed to fill some of those in, he’d nearly broken his ankle about eight times) leaving the two of them to wait for their third.

When Sapnap finally arrived, he made a beeline for the little purple slime resting in Quackity’s lap, sprinting through town and skidding to a stop right in front of them.

He immediately reached for Karl, his warm hands surrounding his torso and his thumbs pressing against Karl's chest. He was plucked up from Quackity’s arms before he could blink, and then he was brought towards Sapnap’s face.

The huge fireborn pressed a kiss against Karl’s face, lips as big as his head smothering against his face. He leaned into it, wrapping his arms around Sapnap's cheeks and jawline in an awkward hug. It was a good thing he didn't technically breathe through his nonexistent mouth, because he'd be suffocating from how long his face was being squashed into Sapnap's lips.

Then he was being squished against the fireborn's stubbled cheek, a deep, elated purr jiggling his entire body. Karl leaned into it, burying his face into Sapnap's cheek and wrapping himself in the familiar, comforting scent of charcoal and dirt. It felt different now, now that they knew.

Sapnap held him at arms length, hands still wrapped firmly around his chest. Karl’s legs dangled limply below, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sapnap asked earnestly. Karl shot him a flat look and getsured first at his mouthless face, then at his fingerless hand-nubs, and then finally over his whole body in general. The fireborn winced, realizing that Karl physically couldn’t.

It was fine now, though, because they finally knew.

When they finally went to bed that night, he was cocooned between their chests, in a warm embrace formed by the blanket and the two bodies of his fiancés. He wasn’t a pet, he wasn’t dead, and they. Knew.

He still couldn’t build up enough body mass to grow back to normal size and retain his human shape, but it was more bearable now, now that his fiancés knew who he was.

Taglist!

@brick-a-doodle-do @i-am-beckyu @da3dm @kayla-crazy-stuffs @local-squishmallow @skullsnbruises @munchkin1156 @gt-daboss

[ladytauria]

I've been following your AO3 before I found your Tumblr, I loved your Sub Alpha Jason and Dom Omega Tim fics and I just adore all your Jaytim fics 💙💙💙

awww you’re so sweet <3 i’m so glad you enjoy my fics!!

i actually have. most of a long sequel written for the dom!omega verse fic <333 i shared part of a snippet here, though i’ve expanded that part a little xD

have another one~ this is from a little earlier in the fic:

It’s not the first time Tim’s been hit on while they’re out. Probably won’t be the last, either. Jason isn’t normally bothered by it. He might get a little territorial—throw his arm around Tim’s shoulders, raise his brows like he’s daring them to keep trying, but. It’s not a big deal to him. Mostly because he knows what those alpha want—and it’s not Tim, no matter what they think. They want a sweet, submissive little thing, not an omega who wants to bring them to their knees, and is more than capable of doing it.

But this alpha—

There’s something about him that has Jason’s hackles raising.

It’s the subtle turn of his head; the way it exposes his neck without calling attention to it. The way his body seems to—fold, toward Tim’s. A subtle sort of submissiveness you usually see in omega flirting with alpha, not the other way around.

Combine that with the way he’s shorter, smaller than Jason, his muscles less defined, it—

His belly twists.

He takes a deep, centering breath, and approaches, careful not to rush. “Hey, baby,” he says, mouth corners quirking up into a smile. It’s only a little forced. “Thanks for watchin’ my drink.”

The way Tim brightens at the sight of him, all of his attention switching to Jason, as if the other alpha isn’t even there— He’s ashamed to admit the way it comforts him a little; soothing the terrible thing coiling in his chest. Tim passes him his water, and he kisses Tim’s temple as he takes it, settling his arm around his shoulders.

He resists the urge to pull him into his side. To growl, bare his teeth. Tim won’t appreciate that kind of stupid alpha dominance shit, and Jason— Jason doesn’t want to give him any reasons to be upset with him.

He can’t resist cutting a cool look at the alpha, though.

“Like I was saying,” Tim says, a wonderful note of satisfaction in his voice, pressing up against Jason’s side all on his own. “I’m with someone.”

The alpha looks Jason up and down; the slow drag of his gaze flaying Jason open. He looks at Tim again, one brow raised as if to ask, Seriously? Aloud, he says, “Right, well.” He slides a napkin across the bar. “If that doesn’t work out—give me a call, won’t you?” With a wink, he slips back into the crowd.

Jason takes a sip of his water. His hands don’t shake. His scent doesn’t shift, but he locks it down anyway. He ignores the way his chest feels tight; the way he feels like he’s just been assessed and found wanting.

It doesn’t matter what that alpha thinks. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, except Tim.

But—

Jason can’t help but compare them, still. That easy, automatic submission. How much less challenging it would be for Tim to move him around, the way he could overpower him without strain. He’d be a much easier sub than Jason. Prettier, too—he bets that alpha isn’t a gnarled mess of scars and blemishes. Doubts he’s carrying a minefield of trauma, either, bets Tim wouldn't have to worry so much about triggering him by accident.

The accent, or what Jason caught of it, was different, too; more Upper Gotham. It’d be less of a scandal, for Tim to be seen with him. Maybe not even a scandal at all, with how clean cut he looked.

No complicated history, either.

Just—

All-in-all easier and better suited for an omega like Tim than Jason is, or ever could have been.

Tim mutters something Jason doesn’t catch, taking the napkin with the alpha’s phone number and tearing it to tiny little pieces. The sight makes Jason feel better—but only just. Tim drains the rest of his water, and then steps closer into Jason’s space, turning so his front is pressed against him. His arms twine around Jason’s neck; fingers playing with the short curls at the base of his skull.

“Take me home,” he says, looking up at Jason, glossy lips shaping the words.

[thenugking]

✅😠😊

Why must people continuously make me say nice things about myself afghjk

✅ list one or two favorite lines you’ve written and explain why they’re your favorite 

From the latest chapter of Not A Place of Honour:

She growls, spinning suddenly, knife catching the thigh of the devil behind her before its bulging eyes can blink. Orin the Red is not afraid to die, won’t hide away from Father to slowly starve within her tomb. She slashes, cuts, gouges, makes rivers of blood from insect bellies, makes art of their deaths as she crafts her own, all red and white and blood freezing into ice. She will be beautiful, her corpse-meat a shrine to Bhaal--even in the depths of Hell they will know Father’s name. She will make Kallian proud.

Honestly the “Orin in hell” scene only exists to bridge the gap between two longish Gortash POV scenes, but when I went back to reread it before posting chapter 4, I ended up going “holy shit this is great, and a vital piece of the story”. Orin POV is fucking difficult to write, but it feels so fucking worth it when I get into the flow and really find her voice, and I’m always proud when I feel like I’ve done that well.

Aaaand a little snippet from the newest Val letter I posted this afternoon:

Anyway, I guess Wyll’s inspired me, because I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf and start helping all the poor unfortunates of the world. Starting, of course, with the beautiful, dangerous, starving vampire, who was more than welcome to take as much as he liked. I feel like you probably don’t want all the details. But, well, it felt good. Incredibly so. (And I swear, it was only blood drinking. No matter how much of my shirt I pulled out of the way. To, you know, keep blood stains off it.) And I’m pretty sure Astarion was enjoying himself too, considering how much he drank. It wasn’t a dangerous amount or anything! He pulled away after I started moaning once he realised he’d be too overcome with desire to stop if things went any further. But I might’ve got up a bit too quickly to run after him check in with him after, and might’ve fainted a little bit, and woken up the others, who had some things to say about the whole vampire revelation. I’m fine though, really, just a little woozy! Shadowheart’s making a big deal about how he almost killed me, but she just needs to prove she’s still enough of a downer for Shar after spending the evening baby-talking the dog.

I love this because while Val’s going “omg Astarion must be sooo into me, we both had such a fun time with the blood drinking kink!!” that’s, y’know, very much not what Astarion is feeling about Tav during Bite Night! What he actually does in Bite Night is fucking kill Tav if they don’t persuade him to stop, and he is very much right on track to do that here, until they start moaning, and he gets uncomfortable enough to leave.

😠 whats your least favorite part of your writing process?

Making the fucking words come out when I know what I want them to say but I don’t know which words to use and then I put some words down, but those words are wrong and I have to find a different fucking word and also the sentences is now ten lines long so I need to put a full stop in somewhere and once I’ve done That I need some more fucking words. I hate those bastards.

😊 say something nice about your writing

I’m good at characterisation and dialogue. Again, I’m very proud that I’ve gotten pretty good at writing Orin, who’s definitely the hardest character I’ve ever written for.

[if-confessions]

I've been in the IF fandom for almost two years now, and I don't think I've ever found a fandom I've liked as much. I like the community here, the stories, creativity, how diverse the games are compared to other media I see.

I like reading IF, but more than that I'd really to create an IF game myself. I've been creating stories since childhood and I've always wanted to tell them to other people. However, I was never able to find a suitable medium for doing so. Creating video games is a passion that met reality and died too fast, writing traditional books makes me incredibly anxious, and comic and visual novels require way too much drawing when I'm a concept artist at best. And IF... IF seems to be exactly what I was always searching for. But here's a twist.

I'm not a writer. I'm really not. The amount of writing that I've done that wasn't for my studies is... not a lot. Which makes me extremely self-conscious of my writing, and I'm a very anxious person to start with (and English not being my native language doesn't help). I just don't know where to start, I've never even written fanfiction. And then if I end up actually writing something and posting it for people to see, I'm afraid of what they'll say, of me not being good enough, or of people being uninterested in anything I create. It's dreadful really. And I know that this feeling is possibly shared by so many other people, but I just don't know what to do about it.

I had wanted to post this earlier, but Tumblr ate my essay again...

Welcome, Anon, to the wonders of IF! Have a seat, and a cookie, and enjoy the ride! It's quite the experience, you'll see...

Totes understand your worries. With so many good projects out there, it's easy to not feel... adequate (in writing or proficiency); and with many in the community having opinions, to be unsure whether to publish said work.

But here's the thing: many of us in the IF community (especially as hobbyist) have not studied writing (for a while or at all)* or are writers either, and quite a few of us are ESL (hi, hello!)**. So you are in very good company!! *sidenote: some of us consider ourselves game dev/creators before writers too. **Dear... you wrote an essay of an ask with no mistake (that I could find) - I would not have guessed you were not a native speaker, if you hadn't said it before.

To relieve those anxious feelings, here are some advice, from one ball of anxiety to another one:

You don't have to publish anything you don't want to have public. If you prefer to write for yourself and yourself only, it's more than fine. Having fun is what matters.

There are ways to "hide" your project from searches (on itch or tumblr) to have a bit more privacy, as well as disabling replies/comments/ratings...

Setting boundaries from the beginning with people interacting with your projects (whether it is in asks, or doing beta/feedback rounds/etc...) can also be quite helpful (even if some people don't follow them...).

Join writing groups and share snippets/ask for feedback. It's helpful to get some boosts of confidence and get pointers on how to improve.

Have beta/playtest rounds for longer feedback needs (like when you are ready to upload/update a demo, to catch bugs or typos and stuff).

Joining game jams with small projects can help with testing ideas/stories/gameplay, and get comments/feedback from people.

Anyway, we all start somewhere, and very often (most always) that somewhere is not good at all. But that's ok :) There's always room and time for improvement and change (until you're finally happy with it). The beauty of online games is that you can always tweak it and fix it when something doesn't feel right. Nothing is ever set in stone!

Good luck :)

[sophieswundergarten]

(Also very much not to do with me digging through everyone's past fics for the last week /s)

I think the Benedict humans should have more unconventional/interesting communication methods!! Specifically, I was thinking of ASL, because I really love learning it, but then it occurred to me that it would be fun if each duo/trio/group in the family had their own preferred way to talk.

I imagine that all of the kids use morse code (They teach Martina and SQ), while the adults favour sign. Within that, of course Miss Perumal and Reynie speak Tamil, and I feel like Mr. Benedict and Sticky would use Greek or Latin with each other.

Milligan and Kate have some complex system that consists mostly of their farm-code terms and meaningful glances (Moocho can participate in most of it, but his meaningful glances aren't compatible with both of them at the same time, so it takes longer).

I think Sticky and Reynie would be the type of silly people to sit down and teach themselves, like, Quenya (A Tolkien elvish conlang) or something just for kicks. Kate tried to learn with them, but she wasn't having near as much fun so it's something just the two of them do. Mr. Benedict knows Sindarin (Other Tolkien elf conlang), but it doesn't help him much.

Constance and Mr. Benedict have perfected a form of communication that is exclusively reciting snippets of poetry to each other. It's actually kind of impressive. They make it a game, and when one of them uses a poet the other doesn't know, they break off to ask about it. This was initially supposed to be part of Constance's schooling and broaden her artistic horizons, but she's stubborn and kept coming back to it so as not to admit defeat (And it fully delights Mr. Benedict anyway, so he lets it continue until it's just another thing they do)

I'm going to (sort of) pull this from the books and say that the twins speak to each other in Dutch. Rhonda, Number Two, Milligan, and Sticky all know a little or have picked it up over the years just from being around Nicholas, but when he and Nathaniel are in a room together they go too fast for anyone else to follow properly.

For some reason, I feel like Rhonda and Number Two (Besides the obvious Sister Speak that they're beginning to let Constance into) would enjoy speaking German or French? I'm not super sure where that idea came from, but there you go. (Their sister ability to communicate is a lot of sideways glances and exaggerated facial expressions, but it is occasionally supplemented with hand signals)

SQ leaves little written notes everywhere. Sometimes he puts them in spots that he knows only one person will get into (The cabinet with Number Two's mixing bowls, Mr. B's pen drawer, Sticky's encyclopedia shelf), but he also likes to sneak them into jacket pockets and things. His favourite is to try and slip them into Kate's bucket. He likes to use a special color code for each person when he can, so that way if someone gets into the mixing bowls and sees a little yellow slip of paper, they'll know who it is intended for.

Reynie's been asking Milligan to teach him some "spy codes", so they will often communicate short messages with an Alpha-Bravo-Charlie and number strategy, mostly assigning each member of the family a short "callsign" of sorts and then using it to check where someone is with each other.

Constance and Sticky, surprisingly, have worked out a fairly good system with their cheating morse code. They got a lot better at it, and now can do it so subtly and quickly that it's hard for anyone else to catch.

Martina and Kate make up absurdly long nicknames and terms for activities/locations and turn them into acronyms. They are fantastically over-complicated and no one has even tried to puzzle out what they're talking about.

[blueberry-ash]

EXTREMELY :eyes: about both FangGaoQiaoWang sedoretu and MF x SQY team china fic <3

My godddd, I have left this sitting in my asks for far too long. ;__;

-----

MF x SQY, Team China fic

Ahhh, yeah, this fic was originally meant for rarepair week (although I’d been wanting to write MF/SQY for a while before that).

The main reason it’s been stuck in WIP limbo for so long is that I wrote it with a different cadence than I usually would (I’m not sure how obvious that is in the snippet I picked, but it feels really glaring when I read the story as a whole). And, yeah, I guess I just get stuck on that whenever I sit down to edit-and-post it. XD

I think I probably also need to rip a fair chunk of the smut out, too, tbh. But it’s mainly the (overall) voice that’s causing me issues.

Snippet:

Song Qiying had slipped the keycard carefully in his pocket. And then… despite him having paid close attention to what he had predicted might happen next… despite him having glanced to where Mo Fan had been resting back upon his elbows by the front desk not a moment earlier… Song Qiying had still come incredibly close to missing the ghosting sensation of Mo Fan stepping quietly past him and pickpocketing the keycard clean away. If Song Qiying had possessed even a fraction of Qiao Yifan’s enthusiasm for PDA, he might have been tempted to catch hold of Mo Fan’s wrist and illustrate just how much he’d enjoyed such a proficient display of skill. As it was, of course… Song Qiying had known that both he and Mo Fan would appreciate the wait.

-----

FangQiao, Lavender Haze (FangGaoQiaoWang sedoretu stuff)

God, I love this fic. I love it so much that I’ve written, like, uh, three-and-a-half fucking different version of it at this point, and it’s driving me a little more insane each time I open it.

Eventually, I will either pin down a version or else just give in and “two cakes” myself. (The latter is pretty likely, tragically, given there are a few different ways my brain would like to explore the idea of these two couples coming together into a group marriage within this worldbuilding shape.)

Unfortunately, I do also think that this story suffers from me trying to do too many things at once with it, which… I guess I keep trying to avoid contemplating because that way lies me having to write multiple fics within the same ’verse. (Which is something I get weirdly squirrelly about, at least when the ’verse is my own.) On the other hand, of course, refusing to deal with that is, well, how I keep writing different versions and not… y’know… being happy with them.

Anyway, I really enjoy the worldbuilding in this. And, apparently, the fact that they’re doing the dishes for at least half of it. XD

Snippet:

Fang Shiqian sees the moment Qiao Yifan registers his presence. He sees the way Qiao Yifan’s shoulders stiffen, the way Qiao Yifan’s spine straightens as Qiao Yifan… what? Hesitates? Panics? Gathers himself down into whatever version of himself it is that Qiao Yifan thinks he ought to be right now? Look at me, Fang Shiqian thinks, resentment lining his lungs. Look at me without the fucking politeness on. Qiao Yifan has always been so good at polite. So good at feelings, and at knowing when to put them away. It’s one of the reasons Fang Shiqian had even agreed to this whole— this whole thing that they’re doing. This whole thing that they’ve gone and done. Qiao Yifan is a good boy. A good man. Everyone knows that. He’s just… nice, really. He’s just really very nice. Fang Shiqian should have known he’d learn to loathe it.

-----

[darkspace7]

[That Which Protects The Falling Rain] Pt.2

[Part 1]

[Chapter Summary]

"So You Somehow Survived The Apocalypse And Have Jumped Timelines, What Do You Do Next? Get Sick And Spend A Week Regretting Life Apparently." A Novella By Uryū Ishida (Co-Written By Ichigo Kurosaki) Or, the aftermath of the first chapter in which we see first hand how things can never be easy for a traumatized teenager who somehow managed to kill God several times over. Also some friends show up. Misunderstandings ensue.

[A/N]

Anyways, here's the next chapter which I'm just as surprised as you all that this thing exists. And to think it only took me a damned year and running through two different laptops bring it to you all. (May you find peace in whatever tech afterlife there may be my dear Toshiba-san and let Honne-san carry on your memory for years to come.) It...most certainly has been a year. Well, here's ya'll's bunch of headcanons and worldbuilding stacked together on top of one another in a trenchcoat. Enjoy.

His head ached.

(…Urgh. What the fuck happened? Did I get rammed by a truck?)

Feeling as though he had just fell from a great height, consciousness slowly returned to him as he made his journey out from the oppressive dark into the muzzy blur that was the waking world.

(Maybe a hollow chucked me into the side of a building again. Holy fucking shit that hurts…)

With a slit eye, he stared out at the fuzzed miscellanea that surrounded himself with a brief haze of confusion until the cobwebs dusted themselves from his mind and he recalled –oh yeah, that’s right, I wear glasses- and groped around himself searchingly. Upon location, he slipped them on and waited as the world resolved itself around him and a few things made themselves glaringly apparent.

The first: he felt absolutely awful. There was a deep ache down to his very soul and every single piece of him felt raw. As if he had been stripped of his skin and then had it stretched over his bare skeleton and pinned back into place by a bunch of searing hot sewing needles prickling his…well…everything.

Second: he was currently back at home, in his bedroom with no real idea as to how he had come to be there. However, he had the indescribable notion that he had previously been somewhere very different and nowhere even remotely near the place whatsoever. (But if that were the case then just where had he been? And how…)

(Don’t think about it.)

And finally the most important thing: why the hell was he on the floor of all things? Urgh. (Even if he did have a rather nicely done rug that he had stitched together all by himself in his spare time –thank you very much- covering the cold hardwood beneath that was still asking for any variety of aches and pains that would hit him the very moment he sat up.) Had he had a nightmare and accidentally rolled out of bed? Well, that would explain the vague sense of creeping dread that lingered at the fringes of his mind. As if he were forgetting something important.

(Don’t think about it.)

(It had been a while since he’d had a nightmare, now that he thought about it. Truly, when had been the last time he’d woken up in a cold sweat with the air all knotted up in his chest as he struggled to breathe. Hand outstretched as he continued to reach for out for his mother grandfather but was never quite able to catch as it faded to black. How he bit back the silent screams that wanted to escape as so not to wake his sisters or his old man with the noise. But didn’t he live alone? He was an only child after all and -outside of brief snippets brought about some by rather extenuating circumstances- he hadn’t actually held a conversation with his father in literal ages. Calling their relationship strained would be generous at the best of times and it would seem as they would never even have a chance to mend it because the very last time he had saw the man it had been as he was fishing the silvered arrow out from his emaciated corpse-)

(Don’t think about it.)

(Hold on a second, even in the middle of the night it was never this quiet at his house. Where were the soft sounds of his sisters puttering about? The thuds of old goat-face as he trounced about getting himself ready for another long day at the clinic? Hell, he couldn’t even hear Kon as he scurried about doing god-knows-what like the little menace he was. Also his room looked nothing like this? Where the fuck was he???)

“Ichigo. Oh my god, just shut up. You’re giving me a headache.” He groused, staring blankly up at his ceiling.

…Wait.

(…Ishida?)

“…Ichigo???”

…Oh shit.

He jerked up (ignoring the rolling twist of his stomach as he did so) with a gasp as the feeling of hot knives were suddenly being rammed through his skull as he they thought about it.

Clutching at his head as if his life depended on it, short breaths hissed through gritted teeth as the fiery static subsided leaving a bitterly cold ache in its wake. He let out a hysterical half-sob as things continued to click into place as he remembered.

And oh dear sweet god did he remember.

(‘That…that was just a nightmare?’ It wasn’t. ‘All of that actually happened?’ Yeah...)

And now? After suffering through all of …that… they were just –what- shunted off to some alternate dimension? Thrown back in in time? Or maybe he genuinely had went mad from the stress of all those battle and what he was experiencing now was all just a dying dream as the void slowly consumed his soul.

(How morbid.)

But…

But if they truly had made it back…

Turned back the swing of the pendulum to before…

(Before Aizen had made his grandiose move. Before Yhwach rose up from the millennia old shadows with his army to enact his revenge. Before the subsequent collision. Before he failed so thoroughly at his role as a protector, swept up instead by the whims of supposed fate. Before he foolishly sought a place at the royal bastard’s side just so he could drive a stake in his deadened heart at the first chance. Before their thoughtlessness got everyone killed.)

He had to be certain. He had to check.

(Quick get your phone, check it! Hurry!)

The mad dash for the device had his sock-clad feet slip up on the bare hardwood and in the process he smacked his arm into the bedside table before he caught himself on its edge. Ignoring the bruise that was sure to form, he swiped the object from its charging dock. With a sense of trepidation, he flipped it open, wide eyes scanning for the date and stared.

There on the digital readout they stood, the numbers a stark contrast against his pale background. Right now, it was currently three-fifteen in the morning, around two years off from the date he last remembered. It hadn’t been a dream.

(It wasn’t a dream. They were back. Oh my god-)

At a loss for words, he let the device clatter to the ground, bonelessly following suit as he was slowly but surely consumed by the sort of numb disassociation that came from experiencing two weeks’ worth of repressed emotions from a lost future all at once.

He stared blankly at his hands.

They were shaking.

(I can’t believe it, we’re really back! This means that bondage-fucker’s plan actually worked holy fuck-)

Yeah, great.

The indistinct weight of another’s attention, shifting at the edge of one’s perception that could be felt but only just so. The subtle widening of eyes unseen.

(Ah, hey Uryū you good?)

Was he…good?

(Okay, yep. Stupid question. Ah...)

A wince trailed by conciliatory motion. The throes of night given substance, black-as-pitch and impossibly heavy but so very kind. This presence settled tentatively upon his shoulders. (Because of course he would; that even like this he would prioritize others over himself because that’s just who Ichigo was. Even if it was in part because of your own actions that led to everyone else getting killed –himself included- he’d still have the heart to treat you like a care-worn quilt. Even if you didn’t really deserve it.)

His breath hitched.

(Hey, easy, none of that now. I need you to do something for me, real important. Yeah? Think you can manage it?)

What?

(Okay, so I’m gonna need you to breathe in to the count of five, hold it, then release. Could you do that for me?)

He grimaced faintly. Why was he asking him to do something so asinine?

(Don’t question it dumbass. Just do it. Yeah, just like that. In…)

And so he did, despite feeling like a total idiot, the teen continued follow along to the beat of the other’s directions. But even so, he couldn’t help but notice as the knot in his chest seemed to lessen a bit more with every passing moment.

(Hold it. Keep at it. You’re doing fine.)

Ah, wait. He was having a panic attack wasn’t he? Like himself, Ichigo grew up among medical staff so it figures that he would have some sense of what to do if something like this occurred. (So why was it that he couldn’t have remembered the steps himself and spared them both the trouble of having to sit through something like this?How pathetic.)

(…And release. There. Now, you holding up a bit better?)

As he came back to himself, the presence drew back slightly but lingered around the edge of perception, almost as if uncertain whether or not to leave him be. Regardless, he didn’t quite trust the stability of his voice at the moment so in lieu of that he aimed a wave of weary appreciation in the other’s general vicinity. And judging by the sensation of a terse nod not his own, he understood.

(Okay? So…we’re in the past. Or an alternate dimension. Or...something. Holy shit. Okay, focus. Now. What do we do next? We can’t fuck this up like we did last time. So the main thing now is: we need a plan.)

“Mhm.” He agreed, blearily allowing gravity to draw him back down to the floor. The teen let himself sink into the soft blue-and-white rug. Face somewhat muffled, he said: “I’m open to suggestions.”

So, following Ichigo’s lead, they began to hash things out with the starting bullet point being the one thing they did know and then tacked on to that.

(Now, just so we're clear, this is all operating under those previously mentioned assumptions because the alternatives are just...no. Got it?)

A nod.

(Good. Okay, so as it currently stands that whole prophecy shit hasn’t fully come into play yet so we have a little bit of a leeway on that front. The way I figure it, Yhwach won’t be at his full power for another two years –give or take- which gives a set span of time that we can use for preparation. We’ll need every second of it too because, realistically, any hope we have right now of just offing him and being done with it we probably can’t feasibly pull off.)

“That’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one.” He said into the carpet only to earn the feeling of a mildly annoyed look and gentle thwack on his already aching head. He rolled his eyes with a grumble as the other –satisfied that there would be no further interruption- settled.

(As I was saying: That’s because I guarantee you the moment we do try poking around a bit, we risk not only setting his entire Quincy army on us but any fumbling with that will probably alert the Gotei 13 and by extension Sōsuke. We can’t forget that right now he has that bullshit hypnosis spell over everyone over there because he’s still pretending to be a good guy or whatever. ‘Sides, you and me both know how badly we’d get our collective ass kicked trying to solo a war against three different armies at the same time.)

Not that they still wouldn’t try if things ever came to that.

But, still, priorities.

“We don’t exactly know the full scope of their resources or capabilities right now nor have we really had the chance to take stock of our own situation. I mean, it was kind of a mess toward the end there so how can we be sure of what carried over and what didn’t?” Dark eyes squinted up at the ceiling as he rolled over and proceeded to ignore the severe headache behind his eyes from the motion. He could curl into a ball and wish he was dead later there were more important things to deal with right now.

“There’s also the added mess of how we’re gonna find a place where we could feasibly test them out without everyone and their mother coming to snoop.” Maybe they could see about sneaking into his father’s practice range? But then again, that ran the risk of drawing the elder Quincy’s attention and then he would –urgh- actually have to talk to his dad.

(Right. Because that would definitely lead to some awkward questions. Good point. Uh, hey Uryū what do you figure would happen if you were to square up two instances of something like “The Almighty” against one another? Would they be matched and cancel each other out or would that, like, break reality or something?)

They contemplated this for a second before deciding it was something to come back to later.

(So training and then what? More spy shit? Scoping things out?...Maybe going to grab you some painkillers or something?)

Ignoring that last jab he let his eyes fall shut, “I was thinking more along the lines of gathering allies.” He could sense the other perk up a bit. “On the Quincy side of things, I know for certain that there’s at least one person we could probably convince to join our cause and that could potentially give us an in to what the others are doing right now.” He carded his hand through the carpet’s fibers, blue-&-white wool soft against callused fingers. “Not only that, but we’d also have to find some way to sway your Reaper friends to our side. Because I hate to say it but without their added firepower the chances of us actually pulling off this little venture are next to nil. Whatever we do, we have to make sure it’s done right from the very outset if we want any of it to go according to plan.”

(Urgh, check your phrasing dude. The way that you said it there makes it feel like you’re trying to pull off a bootleg Sōsuke impression or something. Gross.)

With his free hand the teen flipped him off.

(Alright, sheesh. Don’t bite my head off. Anyways… So to sum it all up: The main issue we’re facing right now is lack of resources and we can’t do much until we have more info on how to go about getting those resources and so as it stands we’ll probably have to wing it until can be sure there are people in our corner that we can trust to get this shit done.)

“Yeah. Basically.”

(…We’ve done more with worse odds.)

“…That’s not very comforting, Ichigo.”

(I know but it’s all I’ve got so deal with it.)

The mutual urge of wanting to stick a tongue out at the other was a strong one and he would have probably followed through on it if his stomach hadn’t picked that exact moment to turn over on itself. He stifled a moan as he rode it out, hand clenching and unclenching with every wave of pain. Shit. Was it just him or was it warmer in there than usual? To distract himself from heat licking at his veins (and the increasing wave of concern he could feel radiating out from the other) he offered: “B-But on the brightside I’m pretty sure we’re the only ones who remember any of this anyway. So unlike everyone else we’re not starting at zero. We have the advantage.”

(…Right, okay. That brings us to up to what stuff we could change and what we probably shouldn’t.)

He nodded. “True, if we change too much that could be bad too. All that knowledge would be useless and…” Just the very thought of seeing the others have to face a world worse off than the one prior left a lump in his throat. (No. Absolutely not. That cannot be allowed to happen. I’ll protect them, this time.)

(I won’t watch them die again. I r e f u s e.)

Swallowing thickly, the sensation of bile built at the back of his throat alongside a groan. He pressed his palms to his eyes and let out a curse, low and vehement. His body was already feeling like an overused pincushion and this sure as hell didn’t help any. He couldn’t deny it any longer, something was wrong. Of course being thrown into an alternate past what-have-you as they had been would have some sort of cost because why wouldn’t it? God, nothing could ever be easy for them, could it?

And then there was Ichigo hovering behind his eyes, the other teen’s agitation practically overflowing from the writhing mass of eventide-in-shadowy dark. The balmy presence pressed forward, likely spurred on by his waning attention. He could feel the unspoken question on the other’s non-existent lips.–

Was he okay?

–So he hurriedly pushed himself up and bolted for the bathroom to release the meager contents of his stomach.

To which the answer was: No. He was not.

{+-----}>

Uryū Ishida was not a happy camper.

Between the ever-worsening waves of pain rolling throughout his very being as he clung to the seat of chilled porcelain they managed to work out that if your (admittedly overpowered) future self is suddenly dumped into your past body with no preparation or warning whatsoever it tends to have rather severe consequences.

Obviously.

The centerpiece of this being that evidently the sheer existence of their combined spiritual pressure was incompatible with his present, very mortal, and squishy body.

Which made sense, he supposed, seeing as they were currently a slapdash hodgepodge of Gemischt Quincy, an imprint of the genetic medley that had been Ichigo Kurosaki, the scrapings of the God-Progenitor of pretty much all modern day Quincy that had come from when aforementioned teenager had consumed the other, and whatever the holy fuck Aizen tossed in with that glowing-death-orb of his at the last minute before he too decided to dip out from existence.

(Sōsuke, still capable of screwing them over even from beyond the grave, the fucking bastard.)

Really, it was no wonder that his body had no idea how to deal with that clusterfuck of a mess. Hell, even he had trouble wrapping his head around it and he was living it. Even so, do you know what happens when a body doesn’t know how to deal with something exceedingly confusing and stressful? It tends to break down.

Violently.

But, like the deus ex machina it assuredly was, it seemed the hōgokyu was not quite done dragging him through the ringer with all the reality-bending fuckery it was known for.

Again and again, it felt as though every little piece of him was being ripped asunder only to be slapped back together not a half-second later by the scraps of the purple wishing-orb’s lingering essence in a twisted loop of make-unmake-remake. And you know, experiencing every single solitary second of this with not a moment’s chance to breathe before the whole process restarted itself as the body simultaneously tried to keep itself alive and reject its very presence really fucking sucked.

Fuck, the only reason it seemed he had not lost himself to the pain was that there was too much riding on this whole venture for him to even dare to dream of doing so. Combine that with the fact that he was also fueled by a spectacular amount of what was equal parts raw determination and sheer stubborn spite that had successfully kept him more-or-less sane –if not rather unhappy- during this whole ordeal.

(And –if failing even that- he still had Ichigo. The other’s seemingly uncanny ability to know when to swoop in and be able to distract him with the oddly soothing sensation of a hand carding through his dark hair and the steady stream of wordless nonsense that still somehow managed to heft the weight of -comfortsafedon’tworryyou’llbeokayI’mhere- that pulled him away from the tides of agony. Carrying him until he was close enough to shore that could finally take step back and breathe was something he would be eternally grateful for.)

So the teen had spent the next –he didn’t even know really…Day? Week? Time had lost all meaning to either of them as he drifted about the achy haze- alternating in the intermedium between staying curled up in his bed and being sprawled out in various spots around his modestly sized apartment as he not so low-key wanted to die.

And he likely would’ve stayed that way, contemplating how he thoroughly hated this new world already if it had not been for the sudden appearance of a loud knock upon his front door late one afternoon.

The teen groggily lifted his head from the warm blanket swathed couch from where he had decided to nest that morning and looked at the entryway with a sort disbelieving stare as he thought for a moment that he might have hallucinated the whole thing. That is until the sharp noise that once again cut through the silence of the living room proved that he –in fact- had not imagined it.

Had it really been so long that someone had finally taken note of his (or perhaps his previous self’s) leave of absence? Perhaps, but then again who would even care enough to then actually go through the effort of hunting down the rather out of the way building that he resided in for a not-so-quick social visit? He wracked his brain for a moment before quickly giving it up for a loss. Well, whoever it was they seemed really determined to get his attention if the way they were really going to town on that poor door was any indication.

But to open it and give them the satisfaction? Hm…

(Look, if it’s just some solicitors you can tell them to fuck off and then go back to wallowing in misery or whatever it is you want to do okay? Just go see who it is before they break down the damn door.)

He honestly didn’t want to get up from his spot though. It was warm there and the pain seemed to have lowered itself into almost tolerable levels today so he wasn’t really keen on doing anything that might’ve summoned the wretchedness back into existence.

…Even though the noise was kind of starting to give him a headache.

He wondered if he ignored them for long enough then maybe whoever was there would finally decide to give up and go away.

(Fat chance. Listen, if you aren’t going to do it then I will.)

Blue eyes widened as a flicker of alarm shot through him. Fumbling with the blanket’s grasp, he finally succeeded in extracting himself and sat up. “Ichigo don’t you dare-”

(For though the vast majority of their brief time together had admittedly been spent wracked with some form or pain or another they couldn’t say that they had been completely idle during the short reprieves. For a while they had attempted to return to their impromptu plotting session only to soon realize that they were getting nowhere. So, with nothing else to show for it, conversation once again shifted to other things.

Anything and everything that came to mind worked to serve as a distraction; from the stupid everyday banalities of their shared past– {such as the redhead’s lamentation for his personal book collection, now forever lost to time. And –really- with the way the other presented himself he would have never pegged him as a fan of Classical English literature with a focus on Shakespeare of all things. Although he had to admit, the unending variety of quotes that the teen could seemingly recall at the drop of a hat was both impressive and kind of dorky.} –to bodily quirks they would have never known about the other had this never happened– {There had been a rather nasty spot of dizziness earlier when the body had stood up too quickly that had managed to catch both boys flat-footed but before the elder teen could work himself into a tizzy Uryū sheepishly proceeded to admit that –actually- he might’ve have had naturally low blood pressure and that this sort of thing was not all that uncommon for him? This did nothing to assuage his concerns and despite the dark-haired boy’s repeated reassurances he still had his doubts. But as he sat back and watched as his friend chose to further expand his study on the modern caterpillar what with the veritable cocoon of assorted blankets now wrapped around his frame he decided he was willing to the matter drop…for now.} – it was all fair game.

But soon even those topics ran dry and in the lull of things the young Quincy finally turned to address the elephant in the room: their involuntary state of cohabitation. The whole mess was tricky enough as it was but if they didn’t want to spend the rest of their ungodly existence stuck alternating between snapping at each other’s heels and walking on eggshells then there was going to have to be some ground-rules.

And for the most part Ichigo agreed, if only for the sake of what was left of their collective sanities and the thin hope that this would help them successfully navigate their curious new…dynamic.

But still, who could have foreseen that the young hybrid’s past experience in wrangling unruly inner-selves would’ve come in handy when hashing out negotiations for shared bodily autonomy with his younger cousin/friend?)

But while that was surprisingly less stressful than what either teen expected for it to be that didn’t mean there hadn’t been any slip-ups in other fields, after all they were forging through untraversed ground here so there was bound to be some interesting incidents every now and again.

Such as the first time Uryū had found himself unintentionally shoved into the backseat by the elder teen. Something that had been an exceedingly unnerving event for both parties involved which had –thankfully- had only lasted about the span of a heartbeat before he somehow managed to wrestle the other’s presence back to wherever it was that the other currently resided.

(And even though the other had since apologised for it and he knew that Ichigo wouldn’t truly abuse this power without his consent unless something was deeply wrong because that just wasn’t who he was the incident remained etched in his mind. Just, the idea that someone else could take control like that brought forth an instinctual sort of panic that he couldn’t quite quash.)

But that was all that he managed to get out before he found himself being (oh so very gently) tugged away from the reins, unable to do anything but watch his body leveraged itself up and off the couch before moving over towards the door. He floundered for a bit before he found himself thrust back into control. The transition was so jarring that it sent a wave of dizziness strong through him that he had to clutch at the side of the genkan to stay upright.

As he waited for the nausea to pass he grimaced and was sure to radiate the sensation of absolute annoyance to which the other merely responded with the impression of being utterly unmoved. A raised brow and nod to the door in a silent ‘well, go on then’. Exasperated, he moved toward the door and braced himself.

“Asano, you complete dumbass.”

“Hey you’re the one who shoved me Ms. Enter-the-Dragon so that makes you just as guilty.”

“One, that’s a kung fu flick which is a completely separate thing. And two, that’s not how any of that works so just be a man and own up to it when you do stupid shit.”

“So??? Do you really think I know all the specifics about that stuff?” With arm folded across his chest, the remaining hand flapped about in a vague gesture. He grumbled the last bit under his breath, “And honestly I could say the same for you, freaking martial arts nut.”

“Bullshit, I know you know the difference and what was that you little turd?” She stalked forward.

“Ack! Mizuiro help me!”

“Ah, so you were at here after all.”

The other two froze halfway through their skit with a look on their faces not unlike a child caught with their hands in the snack drawer before in unison turning to face the newcomer.

“Oh, hey. Yeah, sorry about your plant. Someone got a little overzealous with their knocking.” She jerked her head over to where the poor thing sat; delicate blue-and-white petals lay crushed under heavy shards of terracotta while decorative stones were cast indiscriminately over hallway carpet to which the teen felt a pang of sadness.

He liked that plant.

It was a lovely little hyacinth that Mrs. Yamada –one of the more tenured nurses at his father’s hospital- had gifted to him for his fourteenth birthday along with a small sealed container of mackerel miso soup and some homemade lavender cookies just because he ‘reminded her a bit of her grandfather’ or something like that. The fiery old bird could cook like a master chef, took absolutely no shit from anyone, and the very day she hit seventy she proceeded to pack her bags and headed to Spain for a well-deserved retirement. And now the only thing left he had to remember her by was broken.

Great.

“Sup dude!” Evidently oblivious to his obvious dismay the brunet gave a small wave from where he hung limply in the other’s grasp. “So, yeah, I thought maybe you couldn’t hear me so if knocked harder then you would but then she shoved me!”

“Don’t you dare try to pin this on me you-”

He stared blankly as the two once more began to bicker which rapidly devolved into Tatsuki attempting to commit murder via strangulation when the other male inevitably stuck his foot into his mouth.

The whole song and dance was somewhat nostalgic to be honest.

And so was the incoming headache, unfortunately.

(Well, seeing as the running theme of things appears to be entirely made up of the universe tossing stuff at us that genuinely make me want to rethink all my life choices up to this point–) He pinched the bridge of his nose and bit back an exasperated sigh, dark eyes trailing down to the mess now scattered across his front step. (Maybe we can close the door while they’re distracted and pretend this never happened? Just…give up and go back to bed? They probably wouldn’t even notice…) At this point that didn’t even seem like a bad idea.

(C’mon man, I mean something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. Holy shit, look at them go. I haven’t seen the two of them this pissed at each other since that time the class tried to figure out who the greatest stunt actor of all time was. Remember, when Keigo tried to use his chair as a shield –dunno why he thought that do him any good. She just wound up just snapping the damn thing in half- Chad had to scruff her like one of those mother cats in order to keep her from ripping his throat.)

(No??? When was this?)

(Last January, I think? It was the first Monday after we got off break. Miss Ochi was out so we had a sub and they got ticked off at the mess and made everyone stay late to it clean up after chewing us out for letting it get that far.)

(Ah. Actually, I think was out sick that day. Inoue had stopped by the night before and dropped off one of her…more elaborate concoctions…and insisted that I tried it. And, well…)

(Food poisoning?)

(Yeah.)

As the echoes of fond halcyon days bled away to bittersweet reminisce a wash of loneliness hit him –hit them- so suddenly that he had to clutch at the door frame to keep himself steady. As quickly as it stuck, the sensation drew back and in its wake left such gaping maw that he fought for a second to just simply breathe.

(Seeing them like this, untouched by the horrors brought about from beings centuries their senior who were equipped with powers beyond mortal comprehension and still able to joke and goof around. It was sobering. Right here and now they were just kids acting their age weren’t they? They were all so young.)

(Fucking hell, were we ever like that? Just…able to just fuck around and not really have to worry about the finding out?)

(…I suppose so.)

(Yes, perhaps once upon a time, long long ago before everything that made them who they were occurred. Really, it was just another reminder of what was at stake.

And wasn’t that a heavy thought?

That if they truly succeeded in this monumental wager then perhaps the instance of their once dear compatriots that now stood before them would forever be the norm, carrying about their day to day lives undisturbed by the supernatural entities that plagued this world as a whole, forever ignorant of the travesty that befell their prior incarnations.

And if the only hope to see their family spared of such a tragic stage was at the cost of bloodstained hands forever cursed to carry the enormity of a lost world upon itself along with the direct knowledge of what could have been that had they themselves not manipulated and manhandled into unrecognizability then that was the price that they would pay a thousand times over all so the others would never be damned to suffer the ill-fated devastation that had been wrought by their own accursed hands.)

“…Ishida?” He jolted, drawing in a startled breath. Ah shit, he had completely forgotten the third member of their little troupe who was now currently standing right behind him in his flat.

(When had the other seen fit to invite himself in? Actually, no, scratch that, how had he done so without either of them noticing???)

(Whoa I think I might’ve zoned out for a bit there, did he say something just now?)

(How should I know? You think I could pay any attention while those two are going on like a bunch of wet cats caught outside during a monsoon in the background?)

(Fuck, when did he even start talking anyway? Wait, is he giving us the look? Ah man, he is. We’ve been quiet for too long I think he’s keyed into that something’s up. Say something!)

Snapping back to reality he noticed how Mizuiro had leveled him an expectant stare, presumably awaiting his response. Under such scrutiny pale cheeks dusted somewhat as the teen cast back for a response. However as he floundered about for something –anything- to say his mind simply drew a blank and the first thing that came out of his mouth was a rather dumbfounded: “How did you even know where I live?”

Judging by the way the other’s expression seemed to briefly crack before remolding itself into that plain smoothed-out placidity that the other was known the town over for that his response evidentially had been the wrong thing to say.

Shit had he already cocked everything up or perhaps had the other (hopefully) misconstrued the situation? With Kojima, it was always a guessing game of which was which as the inscrutable bastard had a nasty habit of playing things close to his chest until it could benefit him in some way. This penchant for the subtle theatrics was a talent that served him well when it came time to persuade some of the more ruthless students around campus into…keeping the peace… with their newly formed school disciplinary committee (which Ichigo himself had been guilted into becoming a member of with the stipulation of it being on a per commission basis.)

(There was a reason that he had never really put up too much of a fuss about where the other’s money came from. Not only had it been a solid source of income, but he personally didn’t want to be the one to find out whether that rumour going around that the teen had some sort of connection to the business had any merit. Not because he would view the other any differently for his relations or anything stupid like that –oh no- it was because he was more than already certain that they were entirely founded and that the less he knew about his friend’s illicit affairs the better he would able to sleep at night.)

In other words the dark haired teen had always been really fucking observant so if anyone were to notice something was up then it’d probably be him.

(‘Or maybe-’ The little conspiracy theorist in the back of his mind whispered, ‘–just maybe there had already been a shift in the timeline and all of this is just reaping the aftereffects? After all, as far as you can recall none of your extended friend circle had ever received the honour of knowing your personal address, right?’ Oh great. Now he was definitely going to be stuck in a spiral because once the thought had cropped up he couldn’t not think about it. ‘Because while I might not have done such a thing what if the instance of myself that we seem to have unfortunately superimposed over in fact had and through this gaff I have somehow already ousted us as an imposter? What other blocks in this already shaky tower would crumble next and how long before it would all come crashing down upon their collective head?’)

What indeed…

Urgh, he could already feel the headache worsening.

(Well…I mean, this sort of thing’s always kind of a last resort but…How quickly do you think you could gather up everything we need to pull a runner because I’d say we could be out that window and halfway out to Yokohama before anyone would be able to catch up with us? Just as a suggestion.)

Kojima, whether oblivious to his internal distress or just wisely choosing not to comment on it, it seemed had also came to the conclusion that egging on the spectacle upon his doorstep would be fruitless and had evidently opted to join him in ignoring their fellow classmates in favor of continuing the somewhat one-sided conversation.

“Well, you know how I’m a class officer too, right?” A short nod. “And you know just as well as I do what the Head Office is like.” Unfortunately, he did. “So it seems like somebody went and narc'd to the board –personally I think it was Yukimura from 3-B, the snitch- about all the ‘rough’ and ‘unruly’ students that have been hanging around town.” The subtle look of disapproval from the shorter teen was enough for the both of them to silently send their condolences to the sorry bastard along with anyone else in the blast radius. The morons wouldn’t even know what hit them. With a small shake of the head, Kojima continued on. “Naturally the high-strung boneheads got it into their skulls that the sure-fire course of action was to implement a new school-wide campaign focused on ‘Curbing Delinquency in Our Honoured Youth’ and first order of business was to start cracking down on truancy.”

(So in other words, the stodgy old coots got their panties in a twist and now the first people to step out of line are of course the ones to placed on the chopping block. Got it.)

“All for the sake of maintaining their ‘pristine image’ I presume.” Was his response to both.

The sheer dryness of the statement managed worm a snort out of his classmate. “Rather blunt way of putting it, but yeah. If you ask me I think the teachers were just tired of having to drag people to the nurse after they got nailed by the gate’s auto-lock when they tried slip past it to ditch class.” Mizuiro said, eyeballing the small mountain of covers that had been cast to the floor with a thinly-veiled curiosity.

(Yeah, besides everyone and their mother knows the front gate’s no good. The school’s too cheap to oil the track so not only is it a pain and a half to try and shimmy through when the damn thing randomly closes in on you but it’s loud as all hell too. Now the service door behind the gym on the other hand, a single solid kick to those rusty latches and you’ve got yourself a quick getaway…)

“Yeah, they were really sold on the whole ‘zero-tolerance’ thing. Heck, there were even some talk about making an example out of the first batch of students that they caught slacking on their attendance.”

Shit.

“…Is that so?”

The shorter teen leveled him a wry side-eye, “Although when a certain member of the student council pointed out that if the head office were to make such a hasty judgement without even taking a second to ascertain the circumstances behind such unexcused absences then by chance wouldn’t that mean our dear class president could be grouped together with other much more notorious offenders?”

“A-Ah. Well, yes I suppose that’s...”

“And that’s not good for anyone now is it? After all, there must be a perfectly rational reason for someone with previously perfect attendance to have all but disappeared off the face of the planet without so much as a warning thus leaving his classmates and fellow student council members in the lurch as to have to deal with everything in his absence now wouldn’t there be?”

He wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light but for a second there Kojima’s placid smile seemed to twist into something darker –more menacing- and were it not for the incorporeal hand that came to rest upon his shoulder –a silent reminder to just stop, take a moment, and b r e a t h e- he would have succumbed to the hair-trigger urge to form his bow and level it at the other’s brow.

And really, when had he even taken the first step back? Was the mere possibility of something more lurking behind his schoolmate’s shadow enough to have him jump the gun with such a fervor that he’d end the other’s life without a second thought? What utter foolishness. He was better than that.

(But was he really though? After all, wasn’t there an old saying somewhere that ‘the worst wounds we bear are always brought about by those closest to us?’ And besides, it wouldn’t have been the first time that he had done such a thing in cold blood, nor would it be the last.)

Letting himself unspool from that overly tense spring he ruthlessly squashed the impulse for further self-recrimination. Even so, that could’ve spelt disaster. Especially considering the fact that –to his current faulty knowledge base- the other’s spiritual awareness would have been more or less dormant right now so he pretty much would’ve just looked like a dork pulling a weird pose or something and not the very real threat he actually was.

(But, like, seriously. How the fuck did Mizuiro manage to pull off such an intimidating presence like that without even batting an eyelash? Why can’t we do that? So unfair...)

Now equipped with a with a shellac-thin composure that would most likely crack like the candied coating it was the very moment that any pressure was set upon it the teen’s mouth started to move, “A-Ah well, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. Which is-”

Mizuiro raised a brow.

(Ichigo help me out here.)

(…Yeah. I got nothing. Sorry. Good luck! You’ll need it.)

(What?! You jerk-)

…Fuck. Time to wing it.

“-that I’m not quite sure where you’re going with this?”

…Nailed it.

“…Really?”

“Yes?”

“Really.” It wasn’t a question.

Ignoring the dual-part judgemental incredulity and utter exasperation radiating from his personal tagalong was a notable effort but he valiantly kept at a straight face and doubled down on his decision.

“Yes.”

“…”

“…”

(...)

“…Alright then.”

And that was the only warning he received before Mizuiro lurched forward causing the taller boy to recoil, dark blue eyes involuntarily screwed shut as he braced for the blow…

…only to blink as he felt something soft and laminated thwap against his chest. Bewildered, he risked a glance down at the manicured hand before him and followed it down to the violet folder currently pressed against his bosom. With all the grace of a rusty robot, he mechanically took the proffered item and (in the process entirely missing the strange glint in the other’s eyes) took a peek inside.

…It was just some office forms and a couple of annotated lecture notes clipped to the corresponding worksheets. Nothing remarkable or special about them whatsoever.

Confusion apparent, Uryū’s gaze flicked up to other as he tried to gauge the teen’s intent. Finding nothing out of the ordinary he twisted his focus inward to the shadow on his soul to which the other boy merely gave a small shrug, equally as clueless.

“…It’s the coursework for the rest of the week. Miss Ochi was just gonna chuck it in the bin with the rest of the extras so she could go skive off and ogle Mr. Toudou over a cup of bad teacher’s lounge coffee; had it bagged and everything. Luckily, I managed to snag it from the clean-up crew before the whole thing got hauled out to the trash.” He gave a small nod, gaze distant. “Yeah, they were weirdly nice about the whole thing too; something about people’s notebooks disappearing just before midterms or something? I’m not entirely sure, anyways…It was no big deal, really.”

Here the other’s faint smirk faded into something a touch more sour. The faint but unmistakeable sense of irritation perking the two-in one teen’s curiosity. “At least, until Hanya decided to show his face.”

Ah, that explained it. If there was any individual who could instantly put the shorter teen in a bad mood then that person most certainly had to be their shifty Vice-Principal.

There was no shortage of strange rumours about the man and how he out of nowhere went and ditched what was supposedly a pretty cushy spot at some hoity-toity private academy in Sumaru only to do an about face the following day and transfer to their plain old public school the next town over. And it wasn’t like you could even ask the tightwad about it either because the very moment you dared to try the guy’d go off on you and start spouting something about: ‘Don’t you know how it was rude it was to gossip?!’ and ‘Teens like you shouldn’t be spreading crass rumours!’ Then, if he was in a particularly bad mood you’d land yourself in detention.

Naturally, this did not work whatsoever and only served to further alienate him from the student body where he was regarded by most as either a tedious annoyance at best or a downright pompous narcissistic creep at the very worst. But for some inexplicable reason it seemed that there was no one in the school that Hanya had it out for more than Kojima himself and from what they could see the feeling was likely mutual.

(Or, at least, that’s what his admittedly spotty memory of the whole situation told him. Were these little snippets of information their alternate self’s memories superimposed upon their own and trying to helpfully fill in the blanks? Did they have someone on staff with that name back in their old world too? He didn’t know and he honestly couldn’t remember-)

“We were already out by the incinerator and everything but when he caught the others standing around and talking to me instead of cleaning he started going off on us, tossing all sorts of wild allegations left and right. Such a distasteful show, and presented by a faculty member no less! Any sane person wouldn’t be able to let something like that slide, right? You’d have to do something-” Mizuiro fumed.

(‘So he pretty much went off on him…’)

“—because, like, aren’t class officers are supposed to advocate against such egregious displays when presented by both student and staff alike? No, I’m serious. Like, that’s literally the job description in the school’s charter, I checked. And, well, it’s not like anyone else was going to step in because you know what those office flunkies are like the second any of the higher ups get so much as mentioned.” And underneath his breath he muttered, “The cowards-”

(He absolutely went off on him.)

Like a line cast out to sea, he seemed to be caught in the waves for a moment before becoming aware of himself and reeling back a touch, “-ah, um sorry…” The teen rubbed at the back of his head, looking a little sheepish before straightening. “But yeah, one thing lead to another and I got sent to the office.”

“Wait, just to clarify, you’re the only one who got in trouble?” He asked incredulously, “That’s…”

(Dude, that’s fucked up.)

“I mean, yeah? It got the others out of the line of fire so I can’t really complain?” A shoulder briefly rose in a sort of half-shrug; a truly hapless gesture of ‘yeah, sure, it sucked but might as well make the most of it.’ “Besides, it’s not like it was all bad. Miss Amano was on admin duty today.”

(Amano? Oh that’s a relief.)

The rolling sense of relaxing shadow muddled with something positive spurred a bolt of confused-curiosity from the dark-haired teen until the dark presence ‘twisted’ to face him.

(She was a teaching assistant in charge of handling the younger years and spent a lot of time helping out Mr. Toudou. All of the grunt work the other teachers didn’t want to do was usually her problem which is probably why you didn’t run into each other all that often.)

Ah, that made sense. But even so…

(You seem rather fond of her?)

(Well yeah? Amano was actually one of the few decent people on the staff roster. She was always genuinely cheerful and never really let their stupid hazing get to her. Plus she said she actually liked my hair, apparently it reminded her of her roommate’s or something? S’probably why the old farts rigged it so she’d have to transfer out at the end of second year. And I stand by what I said the first time, everyone and their mother saw that there was no way in hell that those test scores could’ve been botched! I-)

(Ichigo.)

The shadowed mass went from a frothing mess to as still as the grave so fast that it was enough to twist his already tumultuous insides. Biting back the bile in his throat –because he was not going to throw up on his favourite hand-crocheted blanket while his troublesome classmate looked on, he refused- the teen’s slender fingers eased out of their death grip on the manila folder. The heavy wriggling of other’s not-form slowly returned, albeit at a more sedate pace.

(…Sorry.)

“So,” He began a little roughly, “she let you off the hook?”

“…Mhm.” A nod, “Once I told her about what happened outside she was all too happy to let us off the hook just so long as we went and did a little errand for her for her first. Yeah, something about ‘doing time through a bit of community service’ and ‘to be sure to put the fear of god into them’ or something like that just so long as we kept it on the down-low of just who authorized the whole thing.” A mischievous light shone in the shorter boy’s eyes. “Playing a bit of messenger bird in exchange or being able to fly the coop? An easy deal if you ask me.”

The gears were turning, “Wait…so that whole bit earlier?”

“…I might’ve taken some creative liberties.” He smirked, “But what can I say? I’m nothing if not thorough with my work.”

…So the entire time he felt as though his heart was about to burst out of his chest and that he were wobbling on the edge, a hair’s length from his (third? Fourth?? First??? Final) death and the other was simply fucking with him? He let that thought sit for a moment. Let it percolate. Let it ruminate. Contemplated his place in the universe and the vague constellation of stars that somehow aligned to bring him to this very place, this very moment.

And then proceeded to nope out.

(Distantly he felt that gentle tenebrous warmth slide into place as his body took in a rather deep breath and released. His Their hands, still clutching that accursed folder, came together as if to pray for strength before slowly lowering themselves and twisting ninety-degrees to face the accused. Their expression only could be described as something belonging to the family of ‘are you fucking kidding me right now?’)

“…Mizuiro.”

And proceeded to whack him on the head with the folder.

“You’re such a dick.”

“You know I am.” Mizuiro admitted with a shrug and an honest-to-god laugh. Preempting another strike, he hurriedly took a step back out of the folder’s range. The other teen seemed to grouse a bit before letting out a reluctant sigh and permitting the thing come to rest at his side, having conceded defeat. For now, anyway. Somewhat thrown by the seemingly easy victory, the shorter boy raised a brow.

“You act like you’re surprised but who else would go along with my improv so spectacularly and match it with a one-to-one bit their own?” He shook his head with a scoff, “The idiot duo back there? Please.”

“Mhm. But I can still call you out on it though, can’t I?”

It was a fair point but…

(‘I honestly thought that was Keigo’s job though?’)

He felt a wash of confusion at what was presumably yet another difference. Those hastily preconstructed towers were being pulled down faster either of them could cope and if was to be some stupid missed in-joke that would finally do them in then he was going to scream.

However, instead of giving note to the thought, the one in control of the body turned his their face to the side with a faint scowl. Looking for all the world as though he had seemingly dismissed the other in favour of more important things.

(When the truth of the matter was that he much preferred to let their gaze travel around the rather sparse apartment in contrast to the facing the awkwardness of prolonged eye-contact and the other teen’s way too keen expression. Uryū’s dissociation was already putting him on edge enough as it was and he didn’t need to accidentally check out in front of these guys as well.)

Glossing over the small touches of personality –(a little janky plush thing wedged into the cranny of an otherwise neat bookshelf over here, some hastily stashed books with geometric stitching patterns on the cover there, and all the other various knickknacks scattered about that signified that someone did in fact live there)— their attention shifted to land on the covers scattered about the floor.

Sock-clad feet shuffled over to the pile as blue eyes briefly studied the comfortable mix-match of fabrics. Slowly, the body knelt down, Ichigo fighting back a strained grimace as he went and gathered the sizable mass into his their arms. Hands paused ever so slightly on the knitted afghan as a look of contemplation crossed his their face.

“Then what about the other two?”

Ichigo shifted the worn knit to wrap around their shoulders, bearing it not unlike one of the many mantles that Uryū had been so fond of wearing when they were younger. The warm fabric acting as though it were a shield between them and this twisted mirror-like version of their friend. The rest of the bedding was summarily balled up and tossed onto the couch with a huff.

(Neither of them noticed the flicker of concern on Mizuiro’s face as they seemed to sway on their feet for a second but successfully managed to catch themselves on the edge of coffee table. Nor did they notice, so caught up in the internal dialogue were they, that as they righted themselves and the tension bled out of their form it seemed to remain etched in his.)

‘Yeah, so I guess that’s how we came to came to find you on my doorstep. But that doesn’t really explain what they were doing here as well.’ The feeling of crossness drew him back to the surface, ‘Or why they felt the need to break my stuff.’ He thought with a mild huff as he took back control.

As if summoned by the thought (or perhaps finally distracted from the epic battle of dumbassery at the door) it seemed that Keigo finally managed to escape his dueling partner’s grasp. Quickly dancing away from her reaching hands, he finally stepped into the apartment proper.

Conceding defeat (for now) Tatsuki followed suit. “What about us?”

(Oh so they’re all just gonna come in now? Okay. Sure. At least have the decency to shut the damn door while you’re at it…)

Taking it upon himself to do just that, he turned back to face them. A hand tightened around the makeshift shawl, securing it in his tight grasp.

“What I mean is, Mizuiro-” He tipped his head toward said boy, resolutely ignoring how his head seemed to throb at the action. “-I can understand, but why are you here?” The teen groused.

Keigo just stared at him as if he had suddenly burst out in full traditional Quincy garb and then proceeded to give them an all expense included monologue about the whole truth of their fucked up situation and spared none of the nitty-gritty god-murdering world-ending details.

“Ishida. Dude.” He spoke slowly, as if they were the dumb ones here and he had to spell it out for them. “You’ve been gone for like ages and no one’s heard a single word about it. There’s already, like, five different rumours about your death going around. I even heard the handicraft’s club was planning on holding a séance.”

He very deliberately did not react. “I-It hasn’t even been a week.”

“Well yeah, but when someone like ‘Mr. Perfect Attendance Class President Ishida’ decides to dip for that long? People tend to take notice and start theorizing.” He put one hand under his chin and did a little theatrical wave with the other, “They say stuff like: ‘Oh gee it must be something big that nailed him like...a huge mystery illness that would drop even the most stalwart of men’ or ‘Maybe he was indoctrinated into this demonic alien cult and just been taken aboard their secret mothership parked just outside the atmosphere as they planned their next move.’” There was a gleam to his eye as he began to get more into it and his gestures got more energetic.

“O-Or maybe he was kidnapped by a mysterious gang of strange ladies that would only state their demands if in the presence of a strapping young lad under the age of twenty but in the process of negotiations the daughter of a big business conglomerate somehow managed to fall for him at first sight and as a result wanted to take him as consort but on their way to elope somehow they managed become the center of a political murder mystery thus necessitating the help of local amateur gumshoe detective Asano Keigo and his assistants to crack the case!” Already lost in the fantasy he let out a semi-maniacal cackle.

“...Right.”

(He’s completely lost the plot.)

(Oh totally.)

(...Should we, y’know?)

(Nah, Tatsuki’s got this. Watch.)

The aforementioned girl rolled her eyes, stalking over to the still cackling teen and unceremoniously bonked Keigo on the head. A whine escaped his lips and he stopped instantly. With a betrayed look he rubbed at the spot, grumbling all the while.

“Ignore him. He’s being a moron again.” She went on, folding an arm across her chest as she shot Uryū a mildly exasperated yet commiserating smile. “What he meant to say was that we were worried about your dumbass. Or well, at least he was-” Tatsuki jerked a thumb over to Mizuiro, “-but me? Truth is I felt kind of bad just leaving Kojima to the wolves like that.” She gave a small shrug. “So I tracked him down just before he left and made him spill the beans about this whole home delivery deal. Figured why not tag along since I’m kind of familiar with the area.”

The smile dimmed somewhat, “But when he mentioned you lived sorta out of the way, I didn’t think he meant this far out. I mean, this place is so far out in the middle of nowhere that I’m surprised you’re still even in our school district. Not only that but it’s kind of a pain to even get up to the front door! Anyone ever tell you that?”

Yes. And it was that way for a reason. A less populated area meant less prying eyes to his comings and goings at all hours of the night. Less prying eyes meant fewer people trying to dig into your personal business. And of course fewer people meant less collateral damage if an errant hollow was ever suicidal enough to follow him home. Not that these guys knew any of that so all he said was, “Once or twice, yes.”

His gaze traveled to Keigo, who was now prodding at the small plush on his bookshelf curiously. “And him?”

“Huh? Oh right, him.” Her friendly look flattened into one of annoyance. “Yeah, dumbass over there on the other hand just really wanted to ditch cleaning duty early.” And as if sensing the other was about to do something stupid again she whirled around to level a pointed look at the brown-haired teen “Isn’t that right, Keigo.”

“As if. Also, rude.” Said teen muttered. But thankfully he took the hint and put the fragile plush back on the shelf, seeming somewhat put out as he did so.

(Impressive.)

(Yeah, back when we were little whenever me and the other kids from the dojo were gonna do something stupid she’d somehow just know. Trying to deny it wouldn’t work either because she’d just call us out on it and then go tattle to one of the instructors. She liked to call it her ‘Big Sister ESP’ which didn’t make a damn bit of sense because not only is she an only child but she was the youngest kid in our group by, like, two days.)

(Sounds like you were on the receiving end of it loads of times.)

(Oi.)

“And that’s pretty much the whole story.” Exasperated, she rolled her eyes and turned to face him fully but as she finally seemed to take in his haggard appearance the look of irritation made way for a concerned scowl. “But, dude, for real are you okay? You don’t look too hot.”

Keigo rubbed his hands together as he cast a final quick glance about the room before turning to face Uryū as well. The brunet seemed, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. “Yeah, she’s right. You look like shit.” And suddenly, as if something just occurred to him, a look of worry-tinged suspicion crossed his face. He backed up slightly, brown eyes squinting at the other teen. “Wait you aren’t contagious are you? Because, like...whatever you got looks nasty. I don’t want to be no patient zero’s plus one if you catch my drift.”

“Keigo!”

“What? Come on, we were both thinking it!”

“So? You don’t just-” An arm pulled away from her chest to grasp the air fruitlessly as she let out a noise of frustration. “Have some tact man!”

Jolting slightly at the other’s careful touch, it took him a second longer than it probably should have to process Kojima’s presence beside of him. Blue eyes flickered between the two teens yowling at each other like a bunch of wet strays then over to the calmer boy watching the action play out not unlike a spectator at a tennis match. Urgh, just the mere thought of yet another argument had his head hurt preemptively from the noise. Yeah, better to cut them off before it even started.

“Guys, I’m fine. Really.” Because while he admittedly did felt like shit, surely he didn’t look as bad as they were making it out to be, right?

(...)

(...Right?)

“Y-Yeah.” He turned back to the other two as neither of them seemed to pay them any mind whatsoever. “Just fine...”

And was it just him or was this all getting to be a bit too much? Even the presence of Mizuiro’s chilled hand on his shoulder was starting to prick at something deep and indescribable within his patchwork soul. Quietly the folder still clutched within his grasp began to crinkle.

(Uryū! Mind the papers!)

‘What? Oh!’ Realizing what he had been about to do he went to quickly dispose of the item before the other teen’s thoughtful gift got ruined any further.

But it was then, as he went to bend over the coffee table to set the folder down that the sudden shift in position sent a sharp spire of pain coursing throughout their very being. A feeling not that different from someone having up and went to town with an ice pick on his skull had him seeing stars and with a quickly darkening sky to match.

A quiet intake of breath. That’s pretty much all the warning they got before the floor steadily drew itself up to meet them (or perhaps he was going down to meet it?)

And he was down.

A pause.

Then–

“What the fu-“

“Oh shit-!”

“Uryū!”

–three teens scrambled reach his side. All talking over each other in a rush of chaos and panicked noise.

“Oh my god is he dead?!”

“Holy shit-“

“I knew something was up! Like I didn’t want to be the one who said it first and I’m sure Kojima’ll agree with me here but, he looked sick. Like sick sick. One foot in the grave sick. And oh my god are we watching a dude die right now oh my god-”

“Clear some room! You two help me get him onto the couch-“

His consciousness was already starting to fade in and out as they struggled to get him to the couch but even as he sunk further into the deep night he could still hear snippets of their terrified fervor.

“Ow!”

Keigo let out a small yelp and jerked back from the fallen teen only to be directly on the receiving end of a daggered stare courtesy of the lone girl of their troupe. “Stop screwing around Asano!”

“He shocked me!” The brunet cried, pointed an incredulous finger at the downed boy.

Dark brows furrowed and lips parted slightly as the girl leveled him an absolutely dumbfounded expression before she got pissed, “Are you fucking serious right now?! Ignore the damn static cling and help us get him up here!”

“R-Right.”

As they got him into a suitable position Keigo pulled back once again and watched the two fuss about their fallen friend. His mouth continued to move in a stream of nervous word vomit, “Oh man, what do we do?! Television makes this stuff seem so much less complicated. I mean, like, the dude just...dropped out of nowhere! One second he’s fine and then...blam! He’s down on the ground and out for the count. Does he really have some secret terminal medical thingy going on? Is that why?? Do we, y’know, take him to the hospital??? Argh dang it, I knew I shouldn’t’ve skipped health class...” He grasped at his hair, staring off into the middle distance.

(And it was that last little bit of noise that sent an instinctual spike of blind panic through them. If it were to come to light that the Director’s son had just been admitted to A&E with some form of unexplainable illness the news would most certainly reach his father’s desk within the hour. And Ryūken, for all that he spurned the supernatural world and those who participated within its boundaries in favour of the more mundane, the man was neither blind nor stupid. He was, by the very blood flowing through his veins, still a Quincy. Their razor-thin plausible deniability would be pierced through in a heartbeat by the man’s prodding and soon to follow their skull; courtesy of a charged Heilig Pfeil. And the second that happened the lives and afterlives of everyone around them would instantly be forfeit. Come be what may they could not let themselves be taken to the hospital.)

It was this desperate thought that allowed him to use that as a ballast to rise through the muddled dark just enough to poke out through the murky surface. His jerking gasp caused all three teens to startle.

They were at his side in an instant, “Easy there Uryū.” Mizuiro gently tilted his head to right and tried not wince at the sheer heat radiating off of the other boy. “Don’t push yourself.” And to the others in a low voice he muttered, “He’s burning up.”

“How bad?”

“Bad.” As in: he legitimately did not know how the other had even been standing, let alone able to hold a semi-coherent conversation with them.

It was Keigo who noticed that he was trying to make his opinion known on the matter, “Guys, shush!” And to Uryū: “Hey there bud, didn’t quite catch that. Mind repeating it?”

“No...”

“...No?”

“N-No...No hos…pitals.” Why was it so hard to get the words out? He reached out blindly for the nearest thing that could sense on his peripherals and was met with a balm of cool lakewater stopped just shy of freezing against the raging surge of an ocean black as pitch; Mizuiro’s hand. Already he could feel the stormy dark dragging him back under but just as he slipped back beneath its grasp a single desperate plea escaped his lips.

“Please.”

And then he was gone, lost once more to the waves.

There was a moment of silence before the trio once more burst out into panic.

“Wah he passed out again?!”

“What do you mean ‘no hospitals’? In the state you’re in?! Don’t be a dumbass!”

“W-What do we do-”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you want a doctor when you’re this sick?!?”

“D-Do we just...go ahead and call someone or...?”

They were shocked into silence as the third member of their party suddenly rose from his place at Uryū’s side and made his way over to the kitchenette where he proceeded to rummage through the cabinets. The two of them shared a baffled look as this seemingly nonsensical course of action had them scratching their heads for all of two seconds until he reemerged from behind the partition with his newfound prize; a medium sized bowl now filled with a decent amount of semi-chilled water from the tap and a novelty kitchen towel, having once been lost to the depths of a junk drawer, now stood a notable presence draped across his shoulder. He lugged his precious cargo back over to their little cluster, taking care not to spill a drop of it as he sat the bowl down, and reclaimed his spot at the edge coffee table.

“Kojima?”

In lieu of a response, he opted to position the other’s limbs into a more comfortable arrangement. Once satisfied with that Mizuiro’s focus then shifted to the glasses perched his friend’s face. With deft hands, he slid his fingers underneath the thin wire-frames and carefully tugged them off, taking care as to not smudge the lenses when he folded the earpieces up and set them to the side. Finished with that, he went to work dousing the fabric in the cool liquid. As he shuffled about the space, it was hard not to notice how the shorter teen carried himself with this sort of inscrutable countenance; the face a careful blank all save for a subtle furrowing of his brow.

It was Keigo who broke the silence next, “You know what’s going on, don’t you.”

The boy paused in his ministrations and there was a long silence before he finally spoke.

“...Uryū’s father is currently employed at Karakura General.”

“...So, he’s a doctor?”

“Yes. Or, well, not exactly...” The teen took another moment to parse his words, hands absently reaching back into the bowl to wring out the soaked cloth between them as did. He carefully laid the damp towel across the other’s forehead, “He’s actually the Director there.”

“...Wow, that’s certainly something.” And then a thought occurred to her, “Hold on a sec. If that’s the case then it makes even less sense for him to be like this.” She gestured pointedly at the boy lying prone before them. “You think a doctor wouldn’t notice their own kid getting sick like this?”

“Well, maybe he just too busy at the moment to really do anything about it?” Keigo offered haltingly, however when faced with the twin stares he hastened to explain himself, “W-Well, I mean, he just said he was a hospital director or something which means the guy’s pretty important right? And, hey, important people do important stuff all the time! Like...go on super long trips for business.” He made a vigorous series of hand motion, as if to illustrate his point. “And when they’re on these long trips don’t they cut off all contact so they can go ahead focus only on the big business stuff, yeah? So, maybe that’s what happened. His dad had to go out of town for this huge important medical conference or whatever and everything was going all good until then out of the blue Ishida was struck by this sudden mystery illness. And our man Ishida, being the good guy that he is, didn’t want to bother his old man when he was doing something so important so he thought he’d try toughing it out while waiting for to get back? Or something along the lines of that maybe?”

“Asano. While that’s a nice thought, I sincerely doubt that is the case here. After all,” While he seemed was patient on the surface one couldn’t help but note the faintest hint of something else lurking in his tone as he stared down at the body before him. “Uryū doesn’t live with his father.”

“H-Huh?”

Dark brown eyes narrowed, “What are you trying to get at Kojima?”

“I mean,” He started slowly, a rare look of consternation flashed across his face as he met the girl’s energy with a soft-yet-acerbic tone of his own. “Look around you; at the single set of shoes at the door, or the lone bedroom down the hall. He doesn’t even have enough food in the fridge for one person, let alone two.” He leveled a pointed gesture back at the object in question, his other hand coming to make a tight fist against his pantleg. “No, there hasn’t been anyone else here but him for a long time.”

“B-But that’s...” But before he had a chance to speak Mizuiro cut him off, signalling the other to give him a second. At his side, he clenched and unclenched his fist, repeating the gesture until the circulation flowed back into the digits. Once the feeling had returned to them, he then smoothed out the creases in his uniform pants with a silent note to further iron them out when he got back home later.

“Sorry, I got a little heated there.” He shook his head as he twisted to face him. While he did appear to be a bit calmer for the action there was still the faintest lines of a scowl that tugged at the corners of his mouth. As a whole, he seemed troubled. “But still, my point stands. While it could be whatever’s making him sick right now egging it on, I genuinely don’t think it would be in his good interest for us to just dump him at a hospital right now, at least not one run by his father at any rate.”

“...S-So what do we do?” Mizuiro did have a point after all, they couldn’t just leave him there to suffer like that. (Well, actually, they could but that would be kind of a shitty thing to do, wouldn’t it? What if he died or something because they left him alone? He definitely did not sign up to become a murderer of all things, no siree. Because when the cops eventually came around to investigate things then them just being there right now would lead to some uncomfortable questions which it would then go straight to them getting implicated for something or another because that’s just how authority figures were. He was too young to go to prison! Hell, he still cried at the end of Phoenix Ranger Featherman Classic when everyone finally put aside their differences to bring about world peace through the power of friendship! And that wasn’t even getting into whatever weird beef Kojima had with Ishida’s Old Man. Argh, he just wanted to get out of doing cleaning duty for the day, not be faced with drama and life or death decisions!) The usually bouncy teen’s eyes flitted between his friends with a ever-growing desperation, having felt as though he was completely out of his depth here. “We have to do something, guys.”

Tatsuki, as per usual, ignored the fretting teen in favour of leveling her attention on the last conscious resident of the room. She seemed stare at him for a long moment, long enough to make any weaker willed person squirm. However, Mizuiro Kojima was no such individual. He met her gaze, dark eyes clear yet unyielding. It was Arisawa who broke first, her brown eyes glancing away and then over to the fallen teen. Dark brows furrowed until she finally turned away from this as well, her lips pulled back into a heavy grimace. “...Alright. Fine.”

“‘Fine’?” Mizuiro raised a brow.

“You win. We won’t take him to a fucking hospital.” She spat as she raked a hand through her short spikes. Hard set to her jaw, a rush of air escaped her as she shoved herself up to her feet. “But Asano also has point. I’m not leaving him like this.”

“She’s actually agreeing with me?” He muttered under his breath somewhat disbelievingly before being startled by the sudden movement. “Huh? Wait, where are you going?” Keigo called as she moved towards the kitchen partition, personal cell phone already out of pocket and in hand.

“I’m gonna go make a call. So pipe down so I can hear the dang thing–”

“Okay, no need to shout–”

“Don’t worry, Uryū. Everything’s going to be alright.”

“Hello? Yes, we’re kind of in a bit of a situation...”

“So you just try to get some rest now, okay?”

“No, please, listen Mr. K-”

“We’ll take care of it, I promise–”

<{-----+}

(And then it was dark. The twinned consciousness finally faded from the forefront; soul fragments curled tightly into one another as they drifted along the stormy ocean of liquid pitch. Their entirety ebbed and flowed with the steady rhythm of make-unmake-remake as their patchworked being slowly remolded itself into something that truly should not have been yet somehow inexplicably was and a delicate equilibrium was met. Upon finally having spent those additional energy reserves they sank deeper into the realm of dreamless sleep; yet even so this unique rest was not a wholly peaceful one. There were brief moments where awareness bubbled up, reaching out but not quite touching the surface, allowing for snippets of lucidity as their body slept on.)

{+-----}>

(“I’m so sorry for calling you out of the blue like this and at such a late hour too but we couldn’t think of who else to turn to.”

A presence slowly drifted through the endless mire.

“Well, it’s a good thing you kids called me when you did–”

Twisting and turning.

Rising and falling.

Life and Death .

Over and over and over again the display repeated so on and so forth until eventually with nowhere else to go it turned in on itself in an endless array of spiritual fractals. Awareness came and went with the tide, the stolen snippets nothing more than static nonsense.

“█████!”

“█████?”

“█████...?!”

A messy tangle of fizzy yellow passed it to a worried forest gale and then to an absolutely frigid lakewater then back to the first one and so on the pattern repeated itself, occasionally tossing another burst of noise into the mix until the soothing aura of a smouldering flame— not quite the raging bonfire it could be if properly given time — cut through.

“Yes, you ███ can run along now. I’ve got your friend ██████ all settled. He’s in ████ █████. So let me ███ ██ ████, okay?”

So f a m i l i a r. . .

“You’ve got good ███████, you know that? Didn’t ████ want to leave ███ for a ██████.” A self-depreciating chuckle, one that felt like the crackle of embers cloaked in cigarette smoke “They’re good kids. But...” A smile dropped.

He knew this person.

“I’m ██████ this is a ███ out of their ██████████.” The rare seriousness was a jarring contrast to his usual behaviour. It was easy to forget how good of an actor he was. It ran in the family.

...Who?

“What a mess. It’s a ████ ████ thing that I ███ ██ home visits, ███ know that? I’m █████████ that ███ even managed to ████ ██ this long in the state ██████ in. I guess that █████████ stubbornness must be ████ ███ something, huh? You ██████ ██████ are something else.” A hand that should’ve been warmer ran through disheveled locks, its owner letting out quiet hiss before the limb retracted. “████ weren’t ███████, ██████ burning ██. Damn, ████████ gonna have ██ ███ ███ ████ if you don’t—”

—And then everything was cast drift once again.)

“What am I gonna do with you kid?”

It was time once more for the void’s shadowy hold to lighten and almost immediately he cast out his nebulous senses in search of that familiar rain-soaked maelstrom that both was and was not part of him. He relaxed somewhat, able to tell that the other was still caught Hypnos’s grasp. To continue on with that comparison did that mean that he, on the other hand, was more suited for the position of Thanatos in this situation? He allowed the vague amusement to flow through him as he curled around the other in a lazy embrace.

A shaky awareness slowly trickled outward, allowing for him to distinguish that curious warm presence hovering somewhere off to the side of the body. However, with that gesture a sliver of reality bled in and he could feel an involuntary shiver as the prickle of cold air hit bare skin. The sound of someone clucking their tongue and that warm flame drew closer, and he could feel the chill fade away. Replaced with the soft comfort of what could only be a blanket.

“████ ██ ████ ███.” The outside presence said something else but seeing as reality was currently as flaky as a distant oasis mirage it was practically gibberish to his ears. That –along with the garishly vibrant yet hazy body that periodically swam into view every time the world seemed to blink— it was hard to say if what he was experiencing now was nothing more than the continued offshoot of a particularly vivid fever dream or not. This assumption was not helped when the other being, who turned to face him for some reason or another, had spotted a single bleary eye squinting from across the distance and had taken that as a license to explode into a whirlwind of chattering noise and activity.

Well, dream or not, it sure as hell was annoying enough to made him want to bury his head under a pile of pillows and snap for the moron to just stay still and shut up, damn it.

“...?”

...And he must’ve said something to that effect out loud if the way the other had paused, having been caught off guard by the garbled outburst, was any indication.

Oops.

Another blink and their mouth was moving again but still not quite reaching through to him. Huh, maybe if he had a bit more of a presence of mind this fact would bother him but as it stood, he couldn’t help but instead wonder. ‘Who the fuck is this anyway?’

His spinning mind wracked itself trying to place where he knew that presence from despite the thoughts slipping through his fingers as if they were leftover grains of sand from their last trip to the Land of Endless Night. Why was it so familiar?

(Of course it was familiar. That was his–)

“Dad?”

(Did he accidentally get a concussion and stumble into the clinic hospital again? His Dad Grandfather would chide him for getting into a fight again even though it usually wasn’t his fault people were assholes and tried to pick fights liked to steal his stuff.

Wait. That didn’t seem...right? What, no, yes it did?

He’d only ever gotten into a street fight once back when he was a little kid when this group of utter twats stole the Little Huntress knit plush that his Grandfather had spent months making for him. He had been so mad that he had subconsciously used a reinforcement technique and, in the process, completely shattered the other kid’s jaw.

Sure, he had gotten the knit plush back but the damage had already been done. It was no time at all before word had gotten around to all of the other kids and their parents about how the ‘weird boy’ who ‘saw things others could not’ had gotten ‘violent’ and sent an ‘innocent’ kid to the hospital. It had taken no small amount of hush money and eventually changing schools entirely before the whole incident eventually was swept under the rug.

But truly, it was the event that directly succeeded it which still bore a stark testament to his memory even after all this time.

It had been the dead of the night and he truly had never been meant to hear any of the hissed words behind that set of closed doors; but because he had thought he’d heard a strange noise earlier, and with the childish worldview that had yet to be tainted with the existence of their cannibalistic counterparts wondered if it had just been one of the friendly local ghosts that had somehow managed to sneak onto their property in search of him and as such went down to see if the wayward spirit needed help.

He hadn’t expected to see the sliver of light filtering out into the hall from his father’s usually locked study. So, filled with all the curiosity of a child his age who couldn’t sleep he had crept up to the crack to check it out.

He had never seen both his Grandfather and Father so upset.

The way the two went at each other backlit by the light of the Hunter’s Moon was a sight to behold. Their weapons for this duel: thunderous expressions and acid laced words undercut by a form of panicked desperation and righteous anger.

He might’ve just been six at the time and not really understood what they were so furious about but judging by the fact that he could catch his name interspersed between that special brand of German that Grandfather spoke he knew enough that whatever it was they were talking about had something to do with him.

And it was terrifying.

Original purpose forgotten, he crept back upstairs and hid himself deep underneath the covers. Little arms wrapped tightly around the plush that started it all, he buried his face into the soft yarn as he tried to forget what he had just saw. Eventually, tiredness won out and he fell asleep to the thought that he never wanted to see another’s person make that sort of face because of him ever again.

Yet he did, only a few years later and continued to do so, with the devastation brought about by his own hand.

Wait. Something about that didn’t feel quite right either, but whatever it was just wasn’t clicking and he couldn’t pin his finger on just why...)

The blurry figure almost seemed disconcerted, “███ █████.”

It feels like he’s forgetting something, perhaps it was related to rising the impression of befuddlement emanating from the living personification of cigarette ash over there and the fuzzy looking frown on his Old Man’s face. He didn’t know why but he didn’t like that look. It just didn’t suit Ol’ Goat-Chin and he as so much said so.

“███ ████! ████ █████ ████, █ █████. ████ █████ ██ ██████ ███ █ ████████ ████████ ██████ ████ ██████ ██ ██ █████████ █████ █ ████ ███████?”

...Well, if there was anything that he could say transcended both space and time it was that the other could certainly be enthusiastic about his reactions. It sure as hell would have been nice if those few snippets of vigorously animated noise made some sort of sense, though. Eh, time to extrapolate and figure out the rest from there!

“I...am not sick. Don't need a doct’r Old Man, I'll be fine." He slurred, thankfully having enough clarity to form most of the words.

This eloquent and well put together response did not inspire the confidence he hoped it would if the loud disbelieving snort were indication. "██ ████? ███ ████ ██ ████ █████ ████?” The other seemed to retort but already he could feel himself slipping again. His eyes slid shut. He...felt like something big was going to happen and...he needed to warn him? But why and what about? Was it about the girls? Oh, wasn’t it around this time there had been a hollow...and something else? But it would be a big risk if they didn’t let him face the others and get strong enough to...do what?

(Who was he fighting back then? Was it a–)

“H’ll’w?”

(No, it was Ywh—)

Wait, who was in control?

Their consciousness was fading and fast but they were still aware enough to see the other man stiffen and that was...very bad. Why, he didn’t know, but he at least knew that the other definitely shouldn’t have been like that so with their last bits of cohesiveness they fought to reassure him. “D’n’t w'rry he’s dead.” Their hand went up grip at their chest, just why was it so hard to breathe? It hurt. But still they forced the words out, “P'rm'se.”

(And then they proceeded to pass out.)

Contrary to the consolatory result he had been aiming for, it seemed as though the display had provided the direct opposite effect for the other man, only giving rise to a number of questions that urgently needed answering and an ever-darkening stain of concern.

He slowly made his way over to the teen and ever so gently pried his fingers away from where they clutched at his chest. He tried not to grimace at the sight even if he did allow himself a low oath uttered under his breath. It wasn’t like the kid could hear it anyway, having once again fallen unconscious, a likely result from how his body was trying to cope with the nightmare that was happening to it.

“...Poor kid.”

The whole thing was starting to look a bit too much like that horrible mess with Masaki and that Hell-Forsaken Hollow all over again. It made his fingers itch for the package of menthols he kept tucked away in a spare pocket, if only to distract himself from the cold knot that made its home in his stomach. For all his vibrancy and self-admitted eccentric worldview, he wasn’t blind, nor had he ever been stupid.

He knew the kid had made it a habit to go out at night to try his hand at hollow hunting, perhaps using the activity as a coping mechanism so that he could come to terms with Sōken’s death, and while truthfully, he could only guess as to what had been going through Ryūken head at the time; whether it be dealing with his own feelings on the matter, or maybe some misbegotten cultural aspect of having to deal with ‘The Pride of a Quincy’ that the other would steadfastly refuse to elaborate on ‘because he was no longer involved with that state of affairs’, or even some other bullshit entirely. Frankly, he didn’t give a damn what the reasoning was. The fact of the matter was that eldest Ishida had let him go about doing all of it alone.

Damn it, back when he still was a part of the active service there was a popular saying among the members of the 10th Division. If memory served him well, it was:

‘A lone wolf is nothing more a dead dog.’

It meant that there was a reason why you didn’t let a fresh from the academy recruit runaround on their own without some form of supervision (usually in the form of a higher ranked squad member that could serve as back up should the need arise) for their first few missions. Not everyone was able to handle the stress of a battlefield where emotions regularly ran high and sorry bastards would pounce on any weakness that you so much as dared to show, after all. And he had seen more than his fair share of good men lose their lives because of things like this.

Hell, even with years of the patented ‘Shiba Subtle Situational Awareness & Athletics Training’ under his belt he wouldn’t have let his own son go galivanting after the damned things if it hadn’t been for Kisuke’s silver tongue and the Kuchiki girl’s presence acting as a sort of makeshift mentorship born out of sheer necessity.

(Feelings on the matter be damned, he knew –even if he didn’t necessarily agree— that it was the only way that his boy could even have a chance at standing against the things that were to come. The only way for him to live up to the name he had been blessed with and be able to shatter the plans of those who would wish to inflict a fate worse than death upon him for the simple crime of existing as something beyond their understanding as he and his sisters did.

But he still couldn’t help but wonder sometimes; that if things had been different would none of them have needed to have faced such things to start with? That he and the girls would have, if not a normal life, then at least one that still would have had their mother in it?

But there was no use dwelling on a world that never was and never could be when one had to keep their sight on the present, anyhow.)

He knew he was a hypocrite, but damn it if he couldn’t still get pissed off when he saw a child basically throwing himself to the wolves.

‘And look where this mess has gotten us Ryūken. Where it’s gotten our boys.’

With his power drained down to the barest dregs as it was, he still would’ve had to have been utterly blind to miss the strong haze of hollow-tainted reiatsu on the child. A grimace deepened as he busied himself with refilling the water basin and then moved on to examining the makeshift cooling towel set across the teen’s brown. He had to commend the dark-haired lad’s (Kojima, he believed, was what the brunet had called him) insistence on fussing about with the thing before he shooed them off, a thoughtful stopgap measure set about in the slim hope that it might make things a bit easier for his friend, even if it was purely palliative at this point.

Taking note of the way sweat gathered at his brow and the tachypneic breaths, followed by a quick check of the pulse that revealed an equally racing heart –likely straining to filter the toxins out of his body and soul— this accompanied with what he’d witnessed during the young man’s brief periods of rousing it was right of them to be concerned.

His own professional (and totally not biased at all) verdict on the matter was—

Well...

Let’s just say it really was a good thing that the boy was out of it as to be spared the worst of things.

Up close like this, it was easy to see Ryūken’s features in the boy even without the mop of white hair on his head (that Ryūken insisted was his natural colour and most certainly not bleached, but Isshin had seen all the hair care products the man had in his bathroom, there was no way) but with this proximity it was also not that hard for him to imagine by some unlucky roll of the dice Ichigo in this position and with the uncertainty of the future such a thing wasn’t entirely out of the cards.

That the thought of something like the bastard from that time or possibly (nay, likely) worse going after these literal children (his own flesh and blood turned conscripted soldiers forced to play to the tune of people centuries older than them) made that familiar churn in his gut and once more his fingers itched desperately for a cigarette to take the edge off.

He instead toyed with the frayed lining of his coat sleeve, the patch of cloth already long since rubbed thin.

‘Even in his hour of need the kid still had his dad on his mind.’ He mused, absently brushing back a sweat-drenched lock of hair from the boy’s brow. Like this, you wouldn’t even be able guess the boy had been deliriously seeking out the comfort of a parental figure not moments before. ‘He still thought of you, Ryūken.’ Then his thoughts took a darker tint, ‘But would you have even cared?’

At least Ichigo had some others to stand with him if things went south, those who had at least some idea of the rather unique problems he had to deal with. But what this child have? An emotionally constipated father and a smaller, yet no less significant, spiritually charged target painted on his back? ‘Pride of the Quincy’ indeed.

And then he winced, immediately chastising himself for the line of thought. That was being a bit unfair, wasn’t it? He wondered what his dear Masaki would have to say if she heard any of this. A wry smirk, ‘It’d probably end up with a well-deserved smack to the head for the both of us for being morons; followed by an hour long chewing out session that would cow even the most stalwart of men.’

He shook his head to dismiss the thought, his gaze traveling up and out to the decently-sized balcony just beyond his reach. The trails of light streaming through sliding glass painted the small room in the colours of the setting sun. ‘Geez,’ He sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. ‘I’m not usually this gloomy. Must be because it’s almost that time of year again.’ And with that what little bit of levity he had managed to scrounge up had faded, allowing his thoughts to spiral back to the same bleak spot that was now their home.

That spot also known as his current patient: Uryū Ishida.

Right, what to do...

...Fuck he missed his wife; she’d know how to deal with this better than he ever could. If this was just some sort of normal illness or a trauma case then he would have been able to handle it no problem. Hell, even if the worst came to pass and he somehow managed to make the transition to soul form then at least he’d have some idea of what to do. But this? He wasn’t equipped for any of this mess right now.

...But maybe there was someone who was?

“Kisuke would have some idea of what to do about this.”

(That...and well, he couldn’t leave his ‘new son’ to suffer now, could he? Heh, he could just see Ryūken’s face when he told him. If anything, it would make a great memory to look back on while he was running for his life from the other’s arrows.) He glanced back at the other’s prone form and while he knew full well that the other didn’t seem to be processing things by anything other than a base level at the moment he felt the need to reassure him for his own peace of mind at the very least.

“I’m just going to step out for a second, there’s someone who might be better equipped to handle your condition. Just hunker down and hold tight okay kid?” He gave Uryū a brief pat on the shoulder –trying not to wince at the sharp crackle of errant spiritual energy that made his hair stand on end— and strode towards the small apartment’s front door.

<{-----+}

(The comforting feeling of cigarette-&-embers moving away as the man left to go somewhere else. A patchwork quilt of sightsoundhisnothis as the world blinked by in a series of snapshots going back and forth. The acid-fire of pins and needles and an ill-fitting skin being pricked like a pincushion. A flawed restructuring of self; error...action rendered incomplete, energy going into stabilization. Awaiting further instructions. A Whole-and-Fragments with overlap grating painfully against one another. A lantern spark of a familiar yet not Soul forcing a hard reset; new patterns found, translation successful, installing █̵̨̝͈̍█̶̢̛̼̼̥̩̈́̄̑̀̈́͜█̴̖̱̍̋͗█̷̪̒̄ͅ█̸̧̛̠̞͙͍͊͆͂͑̀█̴̧̜̺͈͕̓̑ͅ█̵͚͙̏͂͐̑̋ ̵̝̽̿̿̈͒█̶̯̼̣̟̏̐̈͂█̷͍̣̜͉̩͔͐̐█̸̢̛̬͉̰̈́̅█̷̡̲͐̏̉█̷̨̰͇͙̹̟̎̀̔̕█̷̰̎̒̓̕͝͠█̶̭̩̻͉̾█̵̳͌̽̋́̓̀█̴͇͙͂̊͋̎͝ ̵̢̠̱̓͆͐█̸̳̻̒͜█̴͕̥̫̽͊͠͝█̴̤̐͂͒͂̈́̕█̵̠̀̇͝█̵̢̳͙͓̟͑̃̅͠█̶̯͍͎̥̱̍͂͠█̷̧̹͈͉͐͝͝. A new equilibrium reached and becoming whole. Purpose fulfilled, pieces falling into place and a final dissipation...A dearth of energy and thus sinking deeper and deeper into the dark of sleep—)

“Kisuke would have some idea of what to do about this.”

A twitch.

(The distant sound of a voice low but urgent and the slow rousing of a distant memory. A slightly cracked door and the rising of noise from the source, as if it were someone that was trying to be quiet but had begun to forget themselves in their frustration. It enough to remember something as neurons rubbed together enough to connect that this was something they did not want to happen at any cost. Driven by pure instinct they lurched up, the world spinning at the sudden movement. They couldn’t stay here. They needed to get outside. Pitching forward, the fall was mercifully muffled by the thick fibers of the large area rug. The fading echo of white static as circulation returned to limbs having had long since fallen asleep and the nauseating rush of a world that was blurry and too bright and alive was a strong deterrent but they couldn’t curl up and sleep until the phantom ache of pins and needles faded away along with the rest of their problems like they desperately wanted to. The faint smoke-wrapped ember that filtered in from the cracked door behind him was as comforting as a funeral pyre at the moment and only served to remind them that they needed to move.

He hadn’t noticed them yet, but it was just a matter of time.)

(Could we take him out and make a run for it?)

(No. That would bring pain and death. Can’t get caught. Fate worse than death.)

(But they already ached so much. It was as if a yawning chasm had opened up in their very existence, and to fill that emptiness it needed to consume and consume and consume until there was nothing left. The void where that ocean once stood was so empty and they felt so h u n g r y.)

(They had to find another way. Unbidden, their gaze turned to the balcony and the hazy light of the moon above. The way that it filtered down through the clouds as it cast everything in a soft glow was honestly kind of beautiful. Another stirring of a half-remembered conversation from a world that had been dead twice-over where two overlapping viewpoints met and interlaced; it had been stupid and banal, something to pass the time as they raced across endless monochrome sands and keep himself from going nuts from the lack of visual stimuli and had startled an undignified snort out of his mouth but one thing that remained the same was that large unreachable light overhead.

The reverie was shattered when the voice in the hallway went silent for a bit too long. The lack of sound causing their hackles to rise in warning. Shit, he couldn’t be wasting time like this, they had to get out of there! But how? And yet despite it all that moon still loomed on the horizon.

...They had an idea.

There was no time to think, the quiet patter of footsteps and the desperation of the void spurred them on. They lifted a hand to the dark world behind the glass, fingers that were already far too pale clawing forward; their owner driven by some inbuilt instinct as they tried to grasp something far beyond mortal reach.

And then they grabbed it and tore the world asunder.

The body moved, jerking up and through the gaping maw without a second thought. Having served its purpose, the crack stitched itself back together, allowing reality to reseal behind it as if the aberration had never been there to begin with.

And then there were none.)

Ichigo (Who Is Currently Possessing Uryū): -Calls Isshin "Dad"- Isshin: -With joint custody and adoption papers at the ready- Congratulations and welcome to the family New Son. You have gained +1 dad. There is no escape. Also Uryū: Now it is imperative that we blend in to this world as not to give cause for alarm to the local populace and ruin our plans. -Acts sketchy af and passes out two seconds after meeting that world's version of his friends- ... Uryū:...Nailed it. (Fun fact: That plush dubbed “The Huntress” was one of the first that Uryū ever had made for him and it was based off of a mix of traditional Quincy stories that his Grandfather told him and tales about his adoptive daughter in her youth Masaki. Not that he knew it was her specifically until much later. Ichigo had a matching “The Hunter” one that vaguely resembled Ryūken that Isshin managed to “lose in the wash” when his wife and son were out grocery shopping one day. He had to sleep on the couch for a week for that one.)

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

So...

Do you guys know that thing about creative writers with ideas (plot bunnies) and how they always seem to multiply one after the other? That's me with Twisted Wonderland AUs. I can't help it! The series just reminds me of all the stories I loved as a kid, with characters that had depth and / or developed or we got to learn more about--even if it was stupid little things they do in their everyday life! I've grown to appreciate it in ways I never imagined I could any form of media. ;;v;;

To be honest...this game has given me the creativity to consistently create and build upon ideas, and the support you all have given me has meant so much. I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me for so long, and for sending me all the ideas or scenarios you all have been daydreaming of. ;;v;;

So I wanted to give a bit of an update on a few things I'm going to do with the blog:

1) Create a rules page. I've gone far too long without updating my original set, and I feel it's long overdue 😂 Plus, it'll help me keep track of certain things!

2) Go back through and update the links on the Masterlists with posts I may have missed. I didn't realize that some things I was referencing in some of my latest posts (aka the grape incident in the monster!AU) were missing, so I'm gonna comb through my posts and make sure I label and organize them easier for you guys to find (and for me to refresh myself on what I write)!

3) Answering asks (of course). Things are a little slow going and my muse has been getting finicky with me, but I will make sure I get to everyone's asks! Some I may answer because they're quick and easy, others...I may end up getting an idea for something more expansive, so that'll take a bit longer. 😅

And finally, 4) Introducing a(nother) AU:

Twisted Wonderland!Mermaid AU!!!

Honestly, this started because I got inspired by the artwork by this artist here where they drew the characters based on Floyd's nicknames for them, and it started as a Marine Biologist AU where Yuu is a marine biologist and taking care of the mermaid bois (all 22 boys + one fire-breathing cat) buuuuuut...at the moment, Yuu getting shipwrecked and living on the island with the mermaid boys wouldn't leave me alone. 😂

As well as an idea where Yuu is a full-blooded Kaiju/born a Kaiju and has Land Before Time like adventures because I got emotional at baby Littlefoot hatching, but who's counting the ideas? Certainly not me!

Anyway, I wanted to share a snippet of the prologue I have written that's currently under construction, so the final product may differ. I'm honestly really excited about this AU too, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do~ ;;v;;

Snippet under a read-more because this post is going to be long anyway 😂 Enjoy!

Oh, and if I need to tag it a certain way for future posts, please let me know and I'll be sure to add them!

//////------------//////

If anyone were to ask Yuu what they were going to be doing over the summer, they likely would have told them: catch up on their reading, or playing video games, or any number of different things they had planned. Even just relaxing at home or on the beach would have been an enticing offer.

A scuba diving trip was not something they expected to get dragged into.

“First time diving?”

“Was it that obvious?” Yuu asked, one hand gripping the bar on the seat next to them until their knuckles were white while the other kept hold of the oxygen tank sitting in front of their flippered feet.

“Yeah…kinda obvious for a first timer,” the instructor said with a chuckle, the man giving them a reassuring pat. “It can be a bit nerve-wracking for new divers, but you’ll be fine. You’re one of the contest winners, right?”

“I put my name in as a joke, I didn’t think I’d actually win!” Peering over the edge of the railings, Yuu couldn’t make out anything in the dark water. “I…thought we were going to dive near the shallows closer to land. What are we doing so far out?” they asked, swearing they saw a big shadow pass by…only to realize it was the ship’s frame reflecting on the water.

“I know we’re a lot further out than we normally would for first time divers, but we had problems with our normal ship and the only one that was available was this ship a couple of marine biologists were using.”

“…why didn’t you just cancel and set it for another day?”

“Try telling that to my bosses,” the man muttered under his breath before the smile was back on his face. “Anyway, I think this will be a fun change to the program! These biologists are actually working to explore the reactions of marine life to musical instruments, and we’ll get to see it firsthand ourselves!”

Before Yuu could respond, the ship came to a stop and the driver said, “We’re here! You folks ready to go diving while we get set up? There’s a coral reef not far below us, so you’ll have plenty of time to sightsee.”

“Yup! Okay, so let’s go over the basics again, and I’ll make sure your gear is on properly.”

Yuu listened nervously as the instructor walked through each procedure and rule of diving, the wetsuit sticking tightly to their body as the tank weighed heavily on their back. This was not how they imagined their first time scuba diving would be—they could barely even make out the shore from a wave in the distance. Finally—with mask secured and breathing apparatus in—the instructor gave them a reassuring nod…before falling backwards into the water with a  ‘sploosh!’. For a brief moment they froze, but the motion of the ship and the weight on their back knocked them off balance and forced them backwards.

Fwoosh!!

[watery-melon-baller]

3, 7, and 40 for weekend and belos'

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

ooooh theres so many i would never touch. the first one that comes to mind is accidental pregnancy which like. i dont even write romance much. also hate student/teacher. uhh nonromance id go with. uh. i cannot think of anything rn lmao

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

ooooh id have to go with a snippet from a shera fic i did a while back. torn between two but ill go with the shorter one just because. not sure what counts as a snippet oops.

"Adora rolls her eyes, but stands up to join them. As she runs over, she knows that she’ll trip over her dress several times, and their clothes will all be covered in grass stains that will take forever to wash out. But Adora is here, in a future where there is no war to fight, where they can laugh freely and love and she doesn't feel selfish anymore for wanting a happy ending."

bad at explaining myself but like. its the potential of a happy ending, of not everything being perfect but it good, and thats worth living for. its a whole metaphor about feminity and wartime and accepting yourself. that its okay to be safe now, its okay to be soft and vulnerable and to start healing. apologies for being incoherent

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

ohohohohhohho you know whats funny. i actually did have an alternate ending planned where hunter just. slept through the rebelllion and just woke up after it was over and was like "what the fuck." anyways i sat down and wrote this in a night (ive been saving the ask until it was finished so thats why im answering it late sorry!) so enjoy 2k words of that under the cut. apologies for typos i tried my best to read this over lmao. you can also read this on ao3 now yipee

Hunter stared at his clock, and scowled. Shit. He had 20 minutes until the coven head meeting!

He stood up, quickly scrambling for his notes.  He wanted to try and get there early, so he could figure out somewhat of a plan.

Flapjack lifted their head up, disrupted from their slumber. What is boy doing?

His foot slipped on a piece of paper, and he barely managed to catch himself on the edge of his desk. “I have a meeting! I need to go talk to the other coven heads, and-”

Have time! Should rest!

He scowled. “Flapjack, I don’t have time to rest! I need to prepare my notes! I still haven’t figure out what I’m going to say to Terra, or Adrian, or how to deal with the recent riots-”

Nap time! Boy too tired to think!

“You always say it’s nap time.”

Because boy is always tired!

He sighed, flopping back on his bed and letting the stack of papers in his arms scatter onto the floor. Flapjack did have a bit of a point. He had been staying up later and later, getting less sleep in favor of trying to take care of… well, everything.

He could get ready in ten minutes. It wouldn’t take long to teleport. Just closing his eyes for a few minutes surely wouldn’t hurt. And he wouldn’t actually fall asleep. He would just lay here!

“Just ten minutes. Then I have to go.”

Flapjack chirped. Nap! Nap!

“Not a nap, Flap,” He mumbled. “M just resting my eyes.”

He didn’t even realize he was falling asleep.

___

He woke up to the smell of smoke.

He shot up out of bed, head swiveling as he took stock of the room. Everything seemed to be in order, except-

“FLAPJACK!”

The bird had at some point moved inside his shirt. They peeked their head out, looking adorable as always, but Hunter wasn’t fooled.

He glared at them. “I said ten minutes.”

Boy needed nap!

He pointed at the window. “IT’S DARK OUTSIDE NOW! IT’S NIGHTTIME!”

Not that late. Sun just set. More like evening!

He dragged a hand down his face and groaned. “Flapjack. I missed the coven head meeting. The one thing I cannot, under any circumstances, miss.”

Flapjack did not look even remotely apologetic.

Hunter sighed, standing up and brushing back his hair. The smell of smoke was still lingering in the air, and he poked his head out the window, following the smell.

Ah. That might be a problem.

The area of the castle where Terra and Adrian had been fighting the other day looked even worse than before, mainly because it was on fire. Several scouts were running around in a panic, and if he listened closely, he could hear the faint sound of screaming.

Flapjack had moved to sit on his desk, and he slowly turned to glare at them. “Flapjack.”

They chirped.

“This is why we don’t skip coven head meetings! Look at what happened while I was asleep. The castle is on fire!” He sighed. 

Could be worse!

He flung his arms out, staring the bird down in frustration. “How could this be worse?!”

The Titan must have thought that was funny, because at that moment his door was slammed open with a war cry.

“GOLDEN GUARD!”

Something (someone?) charged through his door, and he screeched, barely avoiding their tackle. Whoever it was slammed into his wall, sending feathers flying everywhere. Why there were feathers, he didn’t know. Maybe they were because of the large wings that were almost smacking him in the face. 

Flapjack screeched, dive bombing the intruder, and Hunter quickly scrambled back, grabbing a heavy textbook detailing the criminal justice system and hurling it at their face. They shouted in pain, falling back onto the floor, and Hunter decided that was his cue to go.

He skidded out into the hallway, his slippers barely staying on his feet, while Flapjack circled nervously around his head. Behind him, he could hear the sound of the mystery attacker getting up, and he risked a glimpse behind him as Flapjack transformed into a staff.

“Golden Guard, kid, wait a second-”

Their voice sounded somewhat familiar, but he was too busy grabbing his staff. The last thing he saw before teleporting away into a haze of golden light was what looked to be some kind of harpy woman, heading straight for him.

He bounced across the castle, not having much of a destination in mind besides something that was away from the harpy lady. He materialized in a small room with dim lighting, and as he leaned against the brick walls he realized he was in the break room.

There were technically several break rooms scattered around the castle, but those were all empty storage closets scouts had converted into a break room in their free time with their own money. (Hunter may or may not have contributed to them with money from the castle treasury). This, however, was the official break room, the one all the coven heads used, and the one that the Emperor made somewhat of an attempt to maintain.

He hadn’t been here in a couple weeks, with the whole “accidentally killed my Uncle and now running the government from my bedroom” issue. Not much had changed since the last time he was here. The table was still stained, one of the chairs still had a wobbly leg, the sink was still dripping water because no one knew how to fix the leak, there were still a few spare coven cloaks lying in a pile on the floor, and the fridge still had several post-its about labeling your food properly and not letting it sit in the fridge for months and stink up the room.

The bulletin board, however, had a few changes. The ‘days since Kikimora tried to assassinate someone’ board had been reduced back to zero (last time he saw it it was at 11, which was a new record), and there were several notes stating that due to being understaffed, everyone would be getting extra shifts. Which was weird, because Hunter thought he was in charge of scheduling guard shifts, but he had handed off so many of his duties to Kikimora and random coven captains that he wasn’t sure anymore. Also, why had no one told him they were understaffed?

Someone had also brought in cookies, and there were still a few left. Yay! He grabbed one from the box, biting into it. 

“Want a piece? Its chocolate cricket flavor.” He broke off a small chunk, offering it to the palisman, who began gleefully pecking it. He finished eating the rest of the cookie, wandering over to the sink.

He smacked the faucet, hoping that maybe this time it would stop the leaking, but it did nothing. Like it did every time. He sighed, and turned towards the clawfee machine, turning it on. Next to the sink was a small collection of drying dishes, one of which included a mug that said ‘world’s best nephew’ in hot pink script.

“Hey Flapjack, I found my favorite mug!” He picked it up, thankfully finding it clean. He had been searching for that mug for weeks! Although, it seemed a bit inaccurate, with the whole ‘killed my uncle’ and ‘being a grimwalker of his brother’ thing. Nope, that was a problem for another time.

He shrugged, watching as the clawfee pot came to a boil. Flapjack was hopping around the table, pecking the various crumbs that had been left behind. Hunter should probably be stopping them, but he figured if Flapjack had survived this long with such little self preservation, they would probably be fine.

Probably.

He poured the clawfee into his mug, and moved to sit down in a chair. The good chair, not the one with the wobbly leg that made you rock back and forth every time you moved the slightest inch. 

He sighed, leaned back in his chair, and stared vacantly at the wall. “So,” he said calmly. “I think there might be a rebellion going on right now.”

Flapjack chirped anxiously. Hunter stared at the bird. “You know, this is why we don’t skip coven head meetings.”

He sipped on his clawfee, savoring the bitter taste. Oh, sweet caffeine, how he missed it. Having energy was fantastic.

“I should probably go out there and deal with that.”

Or don’t! Don’t risk yourself!

“Flapjack, I don’t think that's an option.”

Run away to woods! Can hunt for worms!

“I can’t eat worms! You can hunt all you want, I’ll forage for berries.”

Good plan!

Hunter groaned. “Terrible plan.” It wasn't like he had any ideas. He had been slowly preparing a runaway bag, but he had hoped he would have a few more weeks before he had to use it. This was his punishment for procrastinating. 

He stood up, taking a long swig of the coffee. “Okay, my stuff is in my room. Let’s see if we can try to sneak back there, and if anyone is still alive.” He looked down at himself, grimacing at his lack of armor. He was still in his PJS! 

Hesitantly, he lifted one of the coven scout cloaks from the pile on the floor, checking it over. There didn’t appear to be any visible stains, so he shrugged, putting it on.

Flapjack chirped, and fluttered on top of his head. Hunter sighed, but said nothing, pulling up his hood to cover the bird. He opened the door and hesitantly peeked his head out. There didn’t seem to be anyone, so he stepped out into the hallway, letting the door shut behind him.

Picking a random direction, he began walking, the only sound being his bunny slippers slapping against the tile. He nervously clutched his cloak, suddenly beginning to regret every decision he had ever made that had led him to this situation.

He rounded a corner to see a hallway that looked very much destroyed. A section of the ceiling had collapsed, and plants and abomination goo was everywhere. Several coven scouts were lying unconscious on the floor.

Hunter bit his lip, and with a start realized he was still holding his mug. There was still a little bit of clawfee in it, so he could throw it at someone and run if he needed to. The perfect weapon. What a plan.

He froze at the sound of footsteps, frantically looking for a place to hide. He slid behind a pile of rubble, hoping that he would just be mistaken for an unconscious scout.

The sound of footsteps grew closer, and then stopped. “I could have sworn I heard something over here,” a familiar voice muttered. Oh shit.

Hunter involuntarily flinched, shifting the rubble he was hiding behind with his movement.

“Over there!” Oh, he recognized that voice too, although it was only marginally better than the first one. Maybe if he stayed very very still, they wouldn’t notice him?

He yelped as abomination goo wrapped around his legs, dragging him out into the open and pinning his arms to his side. He scowled at the awkward angle his arm was held at, the clawfee slowly dripping out of his mug and onto the floor.

Darius crossed his arms, lifting an eyebrow at Hunter. “Ah, Little prince. You’re looking… unwell.”

Hunter, very maturely, stuck out his tongue, something that only caused Darius’s scowl to deepen.

Behind Darius, Luz cheerfully waved at him. “Hi Hunter! You kind of caught us at a bad time.” She turned down the hallway, cupping a hand to her mouth. “HEY GUYS, WE FOUND HUNTER! OVER HERE!” 

Darius winced at her yelling, rubbing his ears. Hunter wished he could do the same, because wow Luz could shout loud.

The two of them turned back to face him and he grimaced. “Uh, hi?” He said awkwardly. Maybe they would be nice and just kill him right away. Luz could probably convince them not to hurt Flapjack.

Luz shoved her hands in her pockets, grinning casually. “Hunter, my man! I’ve been looking for you! Sorry about the whole, uh, overthrowing the government thing.”

‘It’s fine,” He said, even though it was very much not fine. “It was already falling apart anyways.”

Darius stepped towards him, frowning. “About that, actually. We have quite a few questions to ask you, Golden Guard.”

Luz’s grin became just a bit more shaky. “Not bad questions! Just, uh, questions. It’ll be great!” She did not sound convinced of her own words. “It’s fine.”

Hunter sighed. He should have just stayed in bed. This was all Flapjack’s fault. He was never trusting that adorable little bird again, no matter how cute they were.

[romirola]

Fragment Friday

I’m queuing this one up because I promised the lovely @ejunkiet that I’d post a snippet of the Milo’s chapter of (It Was the First Time) Things Felt Normal Again sometime this week. Hope you enjoy! 

Tagging anyone who would like to participate, including @taelonsamada, @glassbearclock, @ejunkiet, @floofdeloop, @haradasaya, and @onesmallcentury. (Please tag me so I can read anything you share, but no pressure to share anything, friends!)

Click here to read the previously posted chapters of this story, featuring David, Sam, and Asher. 

Rating: T, Written in Sweetheart’s POV

Milo let out a huff tinged with a growl. “Fuck these D.U.M.P. clowns!” he burst. “This is too much. It’s just too much! I’ve seen them work you into the ground before, but this is ridiculous! It’s not enough they’ve got you working double overtimes so that you can work on your normal caseloads, which, by the way, were already way more than one person should handle, while also smoothing over the fallout of this Inversion shit, but now they’re assigning you so much work that you’ve literally got to work at…” He craned his neck to check the clock on the wall. “3AM on a Saturday to finish your paperwork? This is nuts, Sweetheart! I know the Inversion has the Department stretched thinner than ever before, but I presumed by now things might’ve calmed down a little bit for you. But they’re just getting worse! You can’t be doing this to yourself. They can’t be doing this to you. I have half a mind to go down to headquarters myself and have a little chat with your sergeant to say‒”

“It’s not D.U.M.P. who gave me this work to do, Love,” I quietly interrupted. My eyes stayed trained on the screen in front of me. “I finished my caseload for the week.”

“What?” Milo gaped. “But then, what are you doing?” He made his way over to me, snatching a chair along the way so he could take a seat.

“I’m checking through any violent complaints involving vampiric suspects from the last six months.” I pointed to my screen, showing him the column of reports. “And then I’m comparing those reports to the little information that David gave me about Quinn’s possible whereabouts. To see if there is any crossover. I told David I’d have this done by tomorrow,” I answered. “Err, today, I guess. It was my own fault that I’m so behind. I miscalculated how many cases I’d get assigned this week. By the time I finished, I was already trying to play catch up with trailing that CloseKnit contact you wanted me to check out, and like I told you, that took up a chunk of my time this afternoon, though it was well worth it. And you were absolutely right! We’ve now got a possible lead into infiltrating CloseKnit’s online platform.” I shook my head to get myself back on track with answering Milo’s question. “Anyway, umm, just seems like I didn’t plan well enough this week,” I shrugged, trying to downplay how overwhelmed the thought of continuing all these inquiries made me feel. "My own stupid fault."

“Oh.” Milo straddled the chair, angling it so that he faced me. It almost looked like his eyes took on a hint of embarrassment, but I figured I must’ve been wrong because Milo had nothing to be embarrassed about. “I… I guess I didn’t realize how much time the CloseKnit stuff has been taking up.” His front teeth caught his bottom lip. “Nor did I realize you were still working that Quinn-thing on the side at David’s request.” Milo took the liberty of straightening out the piles of papers that precariously sat upon my desk before they fell onto the floor in a haphazard cascade. “I mean, I remember you were doing that. I guess I just forgot.” He tapped the stack of papers as he pushed them into the middle of the desk so that they wouldn’t have a chance to tip over the edge.

[loki-is-my-kink-awakening]

Unconventional writer ask game: my answers

I was tagged by @insert-witty-user-name-here, thank you, my love. I've already tagged some lovely writers in the original post. 😘 Can't wait to hear from you all.

— How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Less than a year. I'm a baby in fanfic terms.

— Do you have a favorite word? (One that you love. Doesn’t necessarily have to be one you use all the time.)

'Close' and that's probably because of when it's used, such as when two characters find themselves stuck together, faces inches apart or limbs entangled. Also, that word can be used again when a character is about to come. Basically, during sexual tension or sex.

— Share a favorite run-on sentence that you’ve written.

Don't know if this is my favourite but it is the longest one I could find.

From Beneath The Stars:

When they would sit and talk for hours, when they sat at the cafeteria hours after finishing lunch with their legs entwined, when Mobius would lead him into the elevator with a hand on the small of his back or when he gave Loki those soft smiles in the archives as they sat with piles of files around them.

— Share a bit of a scene that you’ve written that still gives you FEELS.

From Preparing For A New Arrival:

That night, as they lay in bed together and Loki was fast asleep, Mobius gently caressed his stomach, softly stroking it. “Hello, little one,” he breathed out. “Your mother doesn’t think I know but I do. I’ll do anything to keep you safe, to protect you. You’re growing every day. I can’t wait to meet you.”

— What is your favorite kind of character interaction to write?

I think I enjoy when characters are at odds with each other but in a fun way. Like when one character is flirting and the other is trying not to fall for their charm. I love the game, the chase, the tension.

— Do you have a hyper-specific genre?

Does priest kink count? Coz I definitely have that and I want to write more of it for all my ships.

I also like writing kink fics and have a bunch that's are WIPs that I need to finish and publish. Specifically, I love characters having to do something, like praying or reading out loud, while kink or smut is happening. In Praying for Salvation, it's blow jobs and praying.

— Any personal or frequently used tags?

Probably smut, followed by angst.

— Share a joke or funny moment that you’ve written that still makes you laugh.

From Sorry, Not Sorry. This whole fic made me giggle while writing it.

“Loki, if you don’t stop apologising, I’m going to come!”

— Best editing tip?

I try to have at least one read through where I say the words out loud to see if it reads alright. I don't catch every mistake but I try my best. Occasionally, I have a beta too and that's amazing to have.

— What drives you to write?

Brainrot and horniness, basically

— Share something about your writing that you have wished someone would ask you about. Or alternatively, something that you are just really proud of.

I have no idea what I'd want people to ask me, so I chose this snippet from Praying for Salvation.

“Get on your knees before me and we will pray together.” His voice was smooth and Riley felt his legs obey before his mind had even begun to process what this meant. It was only when his eyes fell once again on Father Paul’s crotch that he felt he understood what kind of worship this would be.

“Let us begin. Our Father...” the priest rhymed off the prayer as he pulled down his zip. Riley tried to get words to come out of his mouth but he couldn’t find any. It probably didn’t matter soon anyway as Father Paul’s achingly hard cock sprang out of the confines of his tight jeans.

— Where do you draw inspiration?

Anywhere. Today, I was inspired to think of Steve Harrington dressed as a goth girl after seeing a goth girl walk down the street. That may be a fic at some point. I can't escape the thought of Steve in bouncy goth boots and Eddie just staring up at him (because they are tall boots).

— What is your biggest challenge in writing?

Work and my social life primarily. Also, having too many ideas and not enough time to write all I want or choosing to do events. They're great and I love doing them but they take up time.

— What is your immediate reaction when you receive a new comment on a fic?

Incoherent screaming. It's just the best feeling. I treasure each and every comment. I remember someone said recently they wanted to print out and pin nice comments to their wall and I feel the same. It's just amazing to get a nice comment.

I remember when I got this comment on Going Down In The Elevator I couldn't believe how thoughtful it was.

I just want you to know that this is hands-down the most realistic and in-character Lokius steamy one-shot that I have read thus far! Thank you for depicting an amazing scene!! Could literally see this happening in the show. Your dialogue for both Loki and Mobius is on-point!!

— 1-2 sentence preview from your current WIP?? (Only if you are willing.)

From an untitled Geraskier foot fetish fic I'm working on.

His mouth salivated and he laved his tongue again and again around the bard’s foot.

“Hmmmm, yes. Suck on my toes.”

— What story or scene are you most proud of?

I'm very proud that I managed to bash out this almost 8k Geraskier fic in a week - Bring Your Hunger. It was for a fic/art prompt swap for @thepassifloradiscord and it's my first Witcher fic.

It's got smut. It's got angst. It's got pining. It's got denial of feelings. It's got them eventually getting together at the end.

— Please link your profile so we can admire your works!

I'm Tears_and_smiles on Ao3.

[drawlfoy]

detention retention finale p.1

masterlist (read parts 1-2 here!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: no this series is from my original idea however i did take inspo from quite a few people (credited at the bottom of this)

summary: gryffindor y/n is put to the test when she tries to use her detentions with draco malfoy to get close enough for him to share his secret. unfortunately, things are never as simple as they seem. (set in 6th year)

warnings (plz pay attention to these this time): blood, violence, mild gore, mentions of wanting to throw up, you’re just kinda not having a great time during this chapter. also, kinda dark!harry trope here. it is a little ooc, i know, but it was what worked and so i ran with it. also, i play around with the timeline of events that occur in hbp so just expect that 

a/n: the long awaited p1 of the finale is here! the second half is almost entirely written save for a few scenes, and i expect to get that out in the next few days (so much less than a week). i really appreciate you all being patient--i wrote and rewrote the potion scene about 3-4 times because it just wasn’t the vibes that i wanted, but i’m semi happy with how it turned out and at this point i’m just gonna go crazy if i keep trying to restructure it so here we go. all the loose ends will b tied up in the last part and y/n is finally gonna catch a break ;) so as always lmk what you think!

word count: 8.7k

here’s a spotify playlist inspired by this fic!

tags: @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss 

enjoy >:)

Snape’s stores were much more difficult to crack than she’d expected. She’d managed to steal one ingredient from there once, but back then all she had to do was disengage the multiple jinxes that guarded the door. Since, unfortunately, her slimy old Potions professor appeared to have felt a compulsion to fluff his nest and redecorate. A new painting was hung on the door--one of a large raven with beady, intelligent eyes that followed her as she walked past as inconspicuous as she could, no doubt preparing to fly off into the painting’s grey sky to alert his master. Her father had something similar to this in front of his Gringotts vault. She resolved to speak with him over the break to try and find a way in. 

Not like she’d had any chance to execute her plan, anyways. It had been two weeks since Y/N had so much as had a simple interaction with Draco. Every time she tried to talk to him, he turned his attention away from her, offering her a disinterested sniff in response or just outright pretending like he didn’t notice her. Pansy Parkinson seemed to take joy in this development, though she was hardly getting anything on her end save for a few dry looking conversations as Draco’s body angled away from her. 

Without the “distraction” of friendship and genuine human connection, Y/N had plenty of time to emotionally free-fall into an internal moral crisis. She supposed that Draco wasn’t expecting her to keep up her end of the deal now, just as her Gryffindor friends had given up on trying to make her useful. Physically, nothing was stopping her from walking right up to McGonagall during one of her detentions and telling her that Draco Malfoy was making an attempt on the headmaster’s life. But was it really worth it? Every time the thought crossed her mind, all she could think about was the way Draco looked when he talked about his mother, the way a shiny film glazed over his eyes and his eyebrows knit together. 

She’d made a promise. Too much was at stake. While she had failed her friends, she was at least not going to fail Draco...not when the rest of the world had betrayed him. 

Y/N was slowly sifting through thoughts like those when Katie Bell stepped foot into the Great Hall for the first time in a month. Her legs, slightly wobbly from being on bedrest for the better half of November, carried her down the aisle towards the trio of Y/N’s now ex-friends. Her soliloquy was interrupted by the familiar sound of Harry’s voice as he spoke, hushed and rather quickly, to Katie, his hands animated and his frame bent slightly lower so he could speak quietly. It didn’t take much imagination to discern what the topic of their discussion was as their eyes flickered over to the Slytherin table. She managed to hear a few snippets as the wind from the owls blew in and carried it towards her: 

“Malfoy--”

“Was it?”

“...remember?”

Katie, lips pressed into a thin line, shook her head. Harry bit his own lip and swung around to look at a blond figure further down the aisle. Draco. He was staring at the meeting, his body entirely frozen while he took it in. 

Oh, Draco.

Before either party could say anything, he was already turned around and speeding off outside of the hall. She swallowed; Harry and the rest of her Gryffindor peers were conversing and not casting a single look her way. Taking a deep breath, she got up from her seat, leaving her half eaten toast behind.

It didn’t take long to locate Draco--Myrtle’s bathroom was hardly a minute’s walk away from the Great Hall. He was in the same position she saw him there last, his head hanging over the sink basin while his body heaved.

“Draco,” she called out.

He snapped around, his eyes wild and his hair slightly wet at the tips. It occurred to her that he’d splashed his face with water. “Come around again for a formal Katie Bell confession?”

“No!” she exclaimed. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get herself past the doorway. Not when his wand was raised at her like that. “I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” he snarled. “Do you really expect me to believe anything you say?”

“Please,” said Y/N. “Please let me explain.” Despite the sting of his words, she couldn’t help but feel some degree of relief when she realized that he was finally speaking to her again, finally acknowledging her again. 

He let out a huff of disbelief. “This isn’t about you. Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter whether or not you explain. You lied to me. You put my family in danger, me in danger. And for what? A date with Potter?”

“What?” All the air left her lungs as she stared at him. “It was never like that!” 

“Save it.” His tone, a bitter blend of vileness and defeat, echoed off the stone of the bathroom floor. Y/N was overwhelmed with the urge to run up to him and just beg him to forgive her, but the fire in his eyes and the angry twist of his mouth told her that that wasn’t an option. Instead, she slowly crept towards him. His eyes blazed as she neared him holding her hands up. “Please, Draco. I’m begging you.” 

His composure slipped, his wand shaking slightly in the air while he caught his bottom lip on his teeth and stared at her with a look she couldn’t quite place. She was just about to ask him about it when a pair of footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom.

“I know what you did, Malfoy!” Harry appeared, brandishing his wand and pointing it at him with conviction. “You hexed her, didn’t you? Katie?”

Draco sucked in a wheezy breath, struggling to stand up entirely straight as he held his wand at the ready. 

“You’re not even gonna deny it?”

“Let me guess, Y/L/N couldn’t get a confession out of me so you’re here to pick up the slack?” Draco finally snarled. “How cute.” 

“Shut up!” roared Harry. She’d never seen him look so furious before. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think I do,” he said menacingly, the usual cool confidence she associated with him slowly reappearing in his demeanor as he twirled his wand around his fingers. Y/N finally let out the breath she was holding as Harry zeroed his focus on her. 

“And just what are you doing here?” he hissed. “Hermione was right, huh? You were with him the entire time. I can’t believe I expected anything different from you.”

Despite the fighting nature of the words coming from one of her best friends, she couldn’t help but glance at Draco as confusion briefly rippled through his features. 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know that she was being shunned by her friends for not telling them anything.

“I was just checking on him!” she wailed.

Visibly unsatisfied with the answer, Harry just scoffed and aimed his wand at Draco. “You’re going to confess what you did or I’m going to make you regret it.”

Harry wasted no time with firing off the first spell--a weakly cast Stupefy that hardly missed her head as Draco’s Protego ricocheted it in her direction. She yelped as she dodged it, smacking into the side of the stall door and falling on the ground unceremoniously hard. Frantically, she dug through the pockets of her cloak to locate her wand, but she was too late. A flash of light was headed her way.

Instead of it smacking into her chest with the force of a curse, the green light spread around her, creating a shield-like sphere. She met Draco’s eye’s briefly in shock. 

He’d cast a protection spell on her. In the middle of a duel that she was hardly formally a part of, he cast a protection spell on her.

“Diffindo!” The puddles from the eternal broken faucet glowed red as Harry parried Draco’s attack. It again went flying in her direction, breaking through the shell of the Fion Duris charm. In a stroke of luck, she rolled out of the way. A light blue flash followed from Draco--a nonverbal.

Finally. Y/N managed to close her hands around her wand, mind racing with thoughts of who she’d disarm first. Her wand had just begun to point towards Harry as the aftershocks of a Levicorpus charm slammed her to the ground once again, her wand bouncing on the cobbled stone once before rolling under the stall door. Y/N swore. “Harry, stop it!”

Harry was clearly losing composure. Despite his magical talent, the speed at which he was rattling off curses compromised his control...and his aim. Draco sent a few Fion Duris and Protego Maxima charms her way, but it still didn’t help when Harry had completely lost it. 

Things turned for the worst when his Tergeo actually sliced Y/N--just barely, but enough to draw a significant amount of blood in her wand arm. Even if she wanted to try and find her wand behind the toilets, she wasn’t even sure if she had the strength to fire off anything.

Her cry of pain prompted Draco to immediately turn his attention from Harry, angling his body towards her instead, an indistinguishable expression etched into his face as he took in the bloodstained white sleeve of her arm. 

Under normal circumstances, Y/N would’ve swooned at the fact that he willingly forfeited the duel just to check on her. But these weren’t normal circumstances, and Harry’s rage-filled expression and clenched jaw reminded her of this as he reeled his arm back and shouted out, “SECTUMSEMPRA!”

She didn’t think about it. To her credit, there really was no time to think. The cracking crimson light flashing towards Draco’s distracted figure was enough for her to launch herself at him with the intent of knocking them both to the ground--but she was too late, far too late. Glowing red light encased her entire body for a few tense milliseconds before she crumpled to the ground.

The Sectumsempra curse felt like every single nerve ending in her chest was being massaged with a sharp knife. Hot, sticky blood filled her mouth as she blinked, glassy-eyed and dazed, up at the ceiling. Distantly she could hear familiar voices over her body. There was a wet warmth that bloomed on her chest. She managed to glance down at her midsection to see an array of deep, short slashes scattered across her torso. 

“Am I okay?” Her voice sounded tinny and funny to her. A pair of light gray eyes came into her vision as she managed another breath. “Draco? Is that you?”

If he leaned closer, she couldn’t tell. His face was beginning to swim in her vision, blending in with the glass ceiling. Finally, a familiar voice, albeit strained and cracking: “You’re okay.”

She felt something shaky brush past her cheek and the coolness of metal rings dance over her skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. You’re going to be okay.” He sounded so far away for someone who was leaning right over her. She could see out of the corner of her eye a figure, cloaked in dark robes, raise its wand and recite an unfamiliar incantation. The metallic taste in her mouth began to subside as she felt the warm stickiness of her own blood seep back into her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for but doing it anyway. She thought she could feel the warmth of someone’s fingers softly cupping her face, but it could’ve been the heat of the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. In that moment, she was overwhelmed with the desire to just be held, to not be lonely. “Please don’t go,” she begged. 

The last thing she heard was a tense, “...Okay.” Then everything went black.

~

Y/N spent the majority of her break obsessing over the last memory she had of Draco--the startled way in which he gazed down at her as she bled out in Myrtle’s bathroom and felt his soft hands brush the hair away from her face. It was almost as if there had never been a problem between the two of them, like he’d forgiven her at that moment, but she knew that wasn’t true. Their last Potions class together had made that very clear. While he, thank Merlin, wasn’t letting Pansy hang off him like he did in 4th year, he still pointedly ignored her even though she had to nearly hobble into class. So why had he looked so worried if he didn’t care? And why, whilst surfing the high of a cocktail of pain potions, did she feel like she remembered someone with light blond hair at her side in the hospital wing?

“And you’re sure your bandages are comfortable?” Her mother interrupted her train of thought,, the plate of ethically-sourced willowbird lying completely untouched in front of her. 

“Yes, Mum,” groaned Y/N for what had to be the hundredth time of her Christmas break. “I told you. Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey made me their top priority over the last week of school. They say that I won’t even need them come January.”

Mrs. Y/L/N hummed as she delicately picked through her salad. 

“I can’t believe that Potter boy’s nerve,” said Mr. Y/L/N from the foot of the table. “Hexing his own friend like that?”

“Dad, he didn’t even know what it did!”

“Exactly! What kind of person does that?”

“He’s just stressed,” Y/N mused, though she was personally a tad miffed at the fact that she’d been brutalized by someone she once considered her best friend. “And he was a little angry at me. He thinks I’m in cahoots with Death Eaters.”

“Ridiculous.” Mrs. Y/L/N vigorously shook her head. “Anyways, dear, no relation to the previous topic: I ran into Minerva at Wurgie’s the other day while I was shopping for gifts. She told me something very peculiar. Is it true you’ve become friends with the Malfoy boy?”

Y/N paled. Dealing with the backlash of Hermione, Harry, and Ron had been bad enough, but her own parents? Over the winter holidays? “Draco?” 

“Yes, unless the Malfoys have another son I’m not aware of.”

“Well…” Y/N searched her mother’s face for any sign of animosity but found nothing but genuine curiosity. “Yes. We both had det--I mean, we were partnered for a class project together in Potions. He seems to have grown up a little.”

Oblivious to the slip up, her mother nodded. “Interesting. I was actually quite close with Narcissa myself back in the day. The Malfoys certainly don’t have a great track record of picking the right side, but we were two quaffles in a case throughout our schooling.”

“You knew Mrs. Malfoy?” asked Y/N, her eyes wide. “I had no idea!”

“Of course, we disagreed on the pureblood values and traditions that should be followed with children,” continued Mrs. Y/L/N, “But despite that, she was always kind. I hope she’s faring well.”

Y/N gulped as an idea slowly began to form in her mind. “Er, Mum, actually...Draco told me some things about...well, his mother.”

Both of her parents perked up. 

“So you know how you guys always talk about how the Order owes you a favor for the time you went undercover in the first Wizarding War?” asked Y/N. They both nodded. “Do you think...we could cash that in right about now?”

~

A month later, Y/N stood in front of the painting that hung on Snape’s door, frowning at the raven that stared right back at her, daring her to try and open the door. In all the excitement of Christmas and explaining to her relatives that she’d nearly been murdered by her ex-best friend in a haunted bathroom, she had completely forgotten to ask her father how to distract a charmed guardian painting, and it’d hardly be beneficial to owl him during a busy work month. It was still completely up to her.

The dungeons sent a certain chill through her bones as she ran through possible plans, prompting her to tuck her hands into her pockets and shiver so hard that she didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching. 

“What are you doing down here?” came the snotty, posh voice that she knew belonged to Pansy Parkinson.

“Parkinson,” Y/N greeted, snapping her head up to see that she didn’t come alone. Draco strode next to her, though he wouldn’t look at her directly. “Come for a rematch?”

Parkinson pulled out her wand and scoffed. “Wasn’t planning on it, but if you’re offering…”

“Pansy!” Draco hissed, yanking her away and forward. “We have places to be. Don’t waste your time.”

“But--”

“She almost got killed by Potter, like, yesterday,” he continued in a hushed voice. “Do you really want to make that worse?”

Parkinson sent her one last sour look before she was dragged off by Draco (who still refused to make eye contact with her). Y/N slumped against the wall, wincing as one of her injured spots bumped against a protruding stone. Why was he ignoring her? He’d protected her during the duel. He was even the one who stood over her as she lay crumpled on the floor. 

A lump began growing in her throat again as she realized just how lonely she was. With her friends gone, all she had now was...her owl, Edison? Yes, that was it. Edison and Hannah Abbott, who clearly was just letting her sit next to her for meals out of pity. Y/N wished that she had the strength to sit alone and just say fuck it so she wouldn’t have to be the kickstart to a bleeding-heart Hufflepuff’s philanthropy career, but she was already beat down enough as she was. Sitting alone would just seal the deal in her new life as a social reject who dreaded classes where the professors let you choose partners. It was like she was a shy first year again, too nervous to talk to anyone and instead sitting alone at the breakfast table, praying that she’d make friends with someone, anyone, even though she was too afraid to figure out how.

And then came Ron, the sweet ginger boy who she’d met once when she went to a wizarding play with her dad. He’d plopped into the space next to her one day, eyeing the untouched plate of toast in front of her.

“You gonna eat that?” he’d asked. Y/N had just stared, mouth agape that someone was actually talking to her. “Hey, you’re the Y/L/N girl, right? My dad works with yours.”

Without waiting for her reply, he’d just popped the piece of toast in his mouth and continued talking at her as if they were old friends. Before she knew it, she was getting swept up into the social swirl of Harry Potter and his friends, helping them as they made their way through Hogwarts and took on the challenges brought upon them by Voldemort and his cronies. For once in her life, Y/N felt like she actually belonged. 

And she’d thrown all of that away. 

“Y/N?” 

An unfamiliar, dreamy voice sounded from a little further down the dark hall, snapping Y/N out of it. She hadn’t even noticed, but she’d slid down to the ground and tucked herself into a ball. When she touched her face, she felt wetness on her cheeks. The raven in the painting made some kind of weird cackling sound.

“Who’s there?”

A girl in Ravenclaw robes, strange eyeglasses, and shockingly white-blond hair that rivaled Draco’s stepped into sight. Luna Lovegood. She’d seen her a few times--mostly during the Dumbledore’s Army meetings they’d both attended last year--but had never had a private, one-on-one conversation with her beyond the time that Y/N threw a protection charm to protect her from Bellatrix’s Avada Kedavra at the Ministry and she’d thanked her. 

“I thought I heard you talking to someone,” said Luna as she settled in next to her, crossing her legs. “Isn’t Snape’s raven lovely?”

“I suppose so,” mused Y/N. 

“His name is Marvin,” continued Luna, “and he always listens.”

“Huh?” Y/N balked, giving Luna a funny look. No wonder they call her Loony Lovegood she thought. “It--he can...talk?”

“Oh, yes,” said Luna, apparently not noticing her confusion. “Marvin is quite the conversationalist, to be honest. Snape is a very fortunate wizard to have him in his possession.”

As if to accent her point, Marvin crowed a few times.

“I was actually coming here to have a chat with him about you,” said Luna. “I think it’s terribly unfair how your friends are treating you. I thought that Marvin might know what to do. He always seems to.”

“Luna,” Y/N murmured, not expecting the way that her eyes began to swim with tears. “You...you really think so? I’ve been feeling so awful about what I’ve done…”

If she seemed taken aback by Y/N’s emotional outburst, she didn’t show it in the slightest. “Y/N, you just care about other people. And you know what it’s like to be lonely, so I understand why you didn’t want to leave someone alone when they felt that way, even if it was Malfoy.”

Y/N bit her lip to keep the tears from spilling over.

“My mother had this saying about kindness,” said Luna softly. “She told me that it’s easy to be kind to people you already love. But you can really tell how caring someone is by how they treat those who are different.”

Marvin made a sound that was eerily similar to a jackhammer in the background.

“Thank you,” managed Y/N, letting the girl pull her into a hug. “I...I can’t say that enough. I really needed to hear that.”

“I know,” Luna replied wistfully. “I’m sure your friends will come around, too.”

“I sure hope so.” She swallowed, giving her a small smile as Luna squeezed her hand. 

“Marvin is such a funny bird.” Luna shifted onto her feet, creeping towards the painting. “He loves shiny things. Now that I know the spell that weakens the barrier between the natural and painted world, I like to give him things sometimes. If he likes it enough, he’ll fly off to his flock to gloat to his murder for the rest of the day. He’s so proud.”

Something clicked in Y/N’s head. Was this her answer as to how to distract Marvin?

“It’s Transcendere, if you were wondering,” continued Luna, making to walk away. “Just in case you wanted to know. I can’t imagine why you’d need to, though. Anyways, I’m off to meet with Snape over a few questions on the exam. I don’t imagine he’ll be around here for the next hour!”

Before she could even thank her, Luna was already gone and down the hall. Y/N felt her pockets frantically, trying to find one thing that might appeal to the raven. He looked at her expectantly.

Her only piece of jewelry was her family ring, and apart from her obvious personal ties to the object, something told her that giving Snape’s guard bird a concrete identifier as to who broke into his stores would not be wise. So that left….She reached into her pocket, taking out the glittery quill that Draco had gifted her last fall. Giving it one last look and closing her fist around the feather one last time, she thought about how much she wished to go back to the simpler time.

Marvin made a little chirp, snapping her out of her reverie. 

“Transcendere.”

The quill poked through the canvas and into the scene, slowly changing so it fit the art style that the painter used to bring the raven to life. He wasted no time snatching it out of her grip, giving an appreciative gargle before he took off, flying away into the grey sky.

She was in. A quick Alohomora charm opened the door, and Y/N made quick work of deactivating the jinxes that guarded the entrance and was happy to see that he hadn’t changed anything else with his security measures. Finding the potion was easy, and before she knew it, she had reset all the security charms, shut the door, and made her way all the way up to the Gryffindor tower with the vial tucked firmly in her pocket. 

~

Getting Draco alone was the hardest part of her plan. Every time she saw him, he was either surrounded by a gaggle of Slytherins or darting off down side corridors that she could never quite locate. Carrying around the vial of stolen potion was getting increasingly stressful, too, especially now that their DADA class with Snape was coming up. He had to have noticed that his stores were broken into at that point, but given that he hadn’t stopped a meal yet to berate the student body on the importance of integrity and “keeping one’s grabby hands to themselves”, Y/N assumed she was somewhat in the clear. On the bright side, Y/N was enjoying mealtime much more now that she was eating with Luna. Her new friend even convinced her to go to the library with her one night to study--something that Y/N was not too familiar with. 

They’d left right before the library closed, going their separate ways. Something crossed Y/N’s mind as she realized what day it was--Saturday. Draco always worked on the cabinet on Saturdays, and of course he wasn’t going to bring his friends along with him. 

Quietly, she sank down next to the stone wall at the entrance, waiting for Draco to exit. She waited, and waited, and waited. Y/N was just beginning to wonder if Draco had switched his schedule around when the telltale sound of stone bricks scraping against each other snapped her to attention.

Draco looked more frazzled than usual as he stepped out of the newly-constructed entrance, his hands shakily running through his hair and his tie out of place. Y/N felt a sudden pang of guilt at the thought that she was going to add even more stress to his night.

“Draco,” she said, standing up and teetering at the sudden motion.

He started at the sight of her before setting his jaw and turning to continue a walk down in the opposite direction. 

“Please,” breathed Y/N, jumping forward to latch onto his wrist. “I need to talk to you.”

He immediately snatched his hand away, his scowl deeping in his features. “I don’t have time for this,” he said, though sheer exhaustion seemed to replace the usual venom in his voice. “If you’re here to apologize, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But--”

“I don’t have time,” he repeated once again, desperation seeping into the edges of his tone. “I don’t have the time to figure out whether or not I can trust you again.”

“Then let me make it easier.” Y/N reached into her pocket, producing the potion vial that had miraculously not been shattered after she’d carried it for so long. Draco arched an eyebrow. “Run a diagnostic spell on it. I want you to know that I’m being completely honest.”

“Y/L/N, I told you, I don’t want--”

“Please, Draco,” she pleaded, holding it out to him. “Just do it for me. If you do it, we’ll be even for what happened in Myrtle’s bathroom. I’ll leave you alone if you tell me to.”

He sucked in a breath, begrudgingly casting the spell. The vial glowed and cast a bright emerald light on his surprised features. “How did you get that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” rushed Y/N. “Just ask me anything. I’ll take it if you want.”

He looked like he was about to leave her in the corridor alone, so she did the only thing she could think of--uncorking the vial and downing it all in one go. It went down like water, hardly feeling like anything. She was surprised. Wasn’t it supposed to feel more compelling?

“Y/N, you are such an idiot sometimes,” he growled, but he turned back to her anyway. “Okay. Fine. Did Granger put you up to talking to me?”

“No. Harry did,” answered Y/N, the words coming spilling out of her mouth without her even thinking. Draco’s briefly softened expression immediately hardened. 

“I suppose that answers it then,” he snapped. “I’m not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.”

“Ask me something else!” cried Y/N. “Something you don’t already know the answer to.”

His silence was evidence enough that she was maybe, potentially, possibly getting to him. Something twanged in the pits of her stomach, reminding her of the time that she’d eaten bad fish in Greece and was sick for days, but she cast the thought aside for just a moment as he finally responded.

“This is ridiculous,” he clipped. She waited, turning the empty vial over in her hands. Finally, after a few agonizing moments of silence, his voice sounded again. “Why are your friends mad at you?”

Just as she was about to tell him, the tell-tale sound of footsteps and a cat’s meow echoed down the corridor. Filch. Panic-stricked, Y/N launched herself in the direction of the Room before a hand closed over her forearm and pulled her back.

“That’ll take too long,” Draco whispered, so close to her that she could feel his breath on her neck and had to try not to shudder. Without waiting for her response, he yanked her into the broom closet across the corridor and softly shut the door. 

It became fairly apparent that the broom closet was perhaps not the best hiding space for two adults, a fact that Y/N quickly noticed as she realized that the only place she could comfortably place her hands was lightly on top of Draco’s chest. His own hands pressed into the wall on either side of her head as he used it to push himself as far away from her as possible. When her eyes flickered up, she could see in the dim light that he’d shut his eyes. She couldn’t blame him--when she ran the plan through in her head, it rarely ever included getting stuck in a tiny broom closet together, and it never crossed her mind that it could happen before he’d even forgiven her. 

“I heard something too, my pretty.” Filch’s voice floated down the corridor as he neared them. She sucked in her breath, intent to hold it. She wished that she could cast a Silencio on the broom closet, but there was no way to be able to do that in such close range. Plus, she was quite preoccupied with the churning in her stomach that was getting significantly worse. 

Filch’s steps were getting louder as he called out, “Anyone there?”

“Yes,” Y/N let as a tortured, strangled whine. Realization flickered across Draco’s face as his hand shot out to clamp over her lips. She tried not to focus on how warm and nice his skin felt touching her and instead on the fact that Filch was still walking.

The footsteps finally paused outside of the broom closet. Y/N could feel Draco’s heart racing under her palm. She vaguely registered that her hands had long since curled into fists, clinging onto his shirt. 

“Anyone in here?”

“Mmph,” responded Y/N, hardly able to enunciate anything over the death grip Draco had on her face. This only made the lurching in her middle worse, so bad that she felt like she had bile rising in her throat.

“My lovely? What’s that?” A cat’s meow rang out from across the corridor. “Over by the Charms classroom?” Another meow. The sound of quick shuffling would’ve come to Y/N as a relief if she didn’t feel like she was about to puke the entire contents of her stomach up on Draco Malfoy’s hand.

“Thank Merlin.” Draco exhaled. Y/N could feel his shoulders relax under the grip she had on his shirt and took note of the fact that he smelled very strongly of that stupid rich scent in her Amortentia, something that was somewhat difficult when the cramping in her stomach had gotten so bad that she could hardly stand up straight.

Then he let his hand drop.

“They’re mad at me because I didn’t tell them about you.” The words came spilling out so fast and without prompt that Y/N felt like she was out of body, watching someone else speak for her. “I couldn’t ever bring myself to hurt you like that because even though you’ve been mean to me and my friends and I technically have no reason to want to protect you, I still do and it’s just so complicated because I thought I was just being a good person or whatever but honestly now that I think about it f it came down to it I would choose you over anyone else here and that’s scary and ohmygodIcan’tstop--” Y/N managed to suck in a small breath as the magic in her system propelled her forward, barely catching the widened eyes of Draco, “--It’s been so hard being away from you and I understand why you’re angry at me and I’m such a hypocrite for being upset that you were a Death Eater when I didn’t tell you why I started talking to you in the first place but I couldn’t just confess to you when I finally had a reason to spend time with you and I didn’t want to fuck it all up but I did and Draco please help I can’t stop I want to so badly you were never supposed to know all of this I thought that it would just make me tell the truth not everything--”

“I know,” His hand came up one more time, covering her mouth and muffling her voice. Without being able to move her lips, the words died down once again while the waves of nausea and agony hit in their place. Draco’s face had once again adopted that unreadable, somewhat sad expression as he moved his free hand so he could thumb away the tears that were collecting on her cheeks. Her fingers twisted into the soft fabric of his button down as she choked back a sob against his hand. “I know. That was really fucking stupid, even for you. You do know you’re not supposed to take more than an ounce of Veritaserum, right? This is going to take forever to get through your system. You just have to let it run its course. I’m sorry.” The potion was closing in around her throat as she blinked up at him through tear-ridden lashes. “I hear Filch escorting a student to McGonagall. This is our chance to get out.”

Y/N nodded as best as she could without loosening his hold on her, and they were creeping out of the broom closet and slowly making their way down the hall as silently as possible. He was to her right, his left arm slung around her shoulder so he could keep her quiet without sacrificing too much of his balance. He pulled her away from the direction of the Gryffindor dorms.

“Not happening,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing past her ear. He was so close. She shivered. “Filch went that way. Plus, I need to keep an eye on you until you’re back to normal.”

She nodded again. By some miracle, they made it to the Slytherin dorms without much of a hiccup beyond the awkward shuffle down the stairs. “Purity,” muttered Draco, prompting the cobblestones to rearrange themselves into a door. “Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me.”

Y/N scoffed behind his hand. The Slytherin common room was, thankfully, entirely empty, but very eerie and cold. She tried to open her mouth to tell him that he’d obviously drawn the short straw when it came to lodging, but when she felt his palm tighten over her lips, she was reminded that that wasn’t an option. 

“Here we are,” murmured Draco, his voice still low and careful as he led her to the end of the hall of the boys’ dormitories. Something other than the effects of the Veritaserum she consumed set off the butterflies inside of her once again when she thought about the fact that she was really going to see Draco’s dorm room. His door, black and heavy, was completely unblemished apart from the silver numbers of his room. 

Before she could think any further, he turned the knob and spun her so he was looking right down at her. “The less you talk, the longer it’s going to take for you to be normal again. Try not to be too loud, though. I wanted to sleep tonight.” With that, he released her once again.

“You have really nice hands,” she blurted out, immediately clapping her own palm over her mouth again.

“Oh.” An uncharacteristic blush rose in his cheeks. 

Squeezing her eyes shut and steeling herself for whatever was about to come out of her mouth next, she let her hand fall. “I--I actually think I can control some of what I say now.” She took one more breath in to check. “Yeah. Thank god. It’s not just...coming out of me anymore.”

“I’m not too surprised,” he said. “You were on quite a roll back there in the broom closet.”

“So, um…” She shuffled her feet. “Are we good now, do you think?”

Draco sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone willingly down two state terrorist interrogation sessions worth of Veritaserum just to apologize to me. So, yeah, I guess. I think you should probably try and get some sleep. Chances are it’ll wear off some by tomorrow morning.” With that, he rested his hands on her shoulders and steered her towards his bed.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked, sinking down onto his black silk bedding and meeting his eyes.

He shrugged. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything before you sleep?”

“I’d really like it if you held me until I fell asleep,” Y/N said so quickly that she didn’t even have a chance to look away from him. He blanched, his eyebrows raising but his lip quirking up. 

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were going to ask for water or something.”

“Draco, please don’t be mean,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to say it. It just came out. I would like some water, though.”

“Your wish is my command,” he drawled, disappearing into his bathroom before coming out with an empty glass that he cast a quick Aquamenti into. “Go slow. I really don’t want you coughing up water on my sheets.”

“Me neither,” she said between sips. “Merlin knows I’ve embarrassed myself enough already.”

When she finished, she handed it out to him. “Thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. I mean it.”

He snorted on his way to put the glass away. “Of course you do. That’s the beauty of Veritaserum.”

“You’re actually funny sometimes, you know,” she said. 

Draco smirked at her again. “Veritaserum. You’re doing wonders for my ego tonight.”

While he was doing whatever he was before getting into bed, Y/N went ahead and slipped under the sheets, rolling over onto her back so she was closest to the wall. She felt the bed slightly dip to her left and a throat clear.

“What is it now?” muttered Y/N. 

“You know, it’s really hard for me to do what you asked when you’re on your back like that,” he said.

“What?”

“Like, do you want me to be on top of you or something?”

“What are you even talking about?”

Draco huffed and reached his hands out to grab her shoulders once again, turning her to face him. Before she could register what was happening, she felt his own hands come around under her arms to rest on her back. Her head lay on the swath of skin between his shoulder and his collarbone, and she could feel the quickening of his pulse. “There. Honestly.”

“This is really nice,” Y/N blurted out, physically cringing when she realized that in her position she couldn’t easily cover her mouth. 

“Yeah?” She could feel the laugh rattle through his diaphragm.

“Yes.” Y/N huffed. “Stop asking me questions. This isn’t very kind of you.”

He let out another light laugh, his fingers moving to thread through her hair. “Is this okay?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve wanted--” Y/N buried her face into his shoulder, silencing the words that were about to come out of her mouth. “Oh, my god,” she said after she resurfaced. “I think I want to take a vow of silence after this is over.”

Y/N could hear his smile as he offered her a, “What a load of good that thought is doing you now.”

“Please, just knock me unconscious until it all goes away,” she groaned. 

“Stop demeaning my work,” he said, mock offense creeping into his tone as he continued to card his fingers through her hair in soothing motions. “What do you think I’m trying to do? If you want me to give you blunt force head trauma, then just say so. Sheesh.”

She sighed dramatically. “At this point, maybe.”

“Seriously, though, are you feeling okay? That was a lot of Veritaserum,” he murmured. 

“I’m just feeling mortified right now,” she answered. 

“You still need to tell me where you got it.”

“Oh. I stole it. From Snape.”

All at once, Draco dropped his hands and pulled slightly away so he could gape down at her. “You did what now?”

“Yeah,” she said, confusion creeping into her tone. “It really wasn’t that hard, you know. I’ve done it before.”

“When?”

She felt another lurching sensation. All of the questioning was starting to make her stomach turn again. “I was a second-year. Harry had to brew Polyjuice Potion and he needed an ingredient we couldn’t find anywhere else.”

Draco let out a low whistle. “At twelve?”

“Eleven. My birthday hadn’t come around yet.” 

“That’s…” He’d shifted so she wasn’t pressed up to him, catching his lip between his teeth as he thought. Y/N hadn’t made much notice of this development as the growing pain in her midsection grew. “That’s quite a lot for a kid.” The way his hair glowed in the soft moonlight made her heart twinge. It looked so soft. Y/N noticed that she’d been staring at him for far too long without saying something when he blinked, planning on opening her mouth to apologize or crack a joke when instead:

“I have the biggest crush on you.” The words left her lips without any prior consent, the consonants and vowels forming before she could even think.

He was completely frozen in place, his expression entirely unreadable.

 “Oh, god, and now I’ve ruined it all because I know you said that I didn’t have a chance that one time in detention and you don’t see me like that and I’m pretty sure you’re with Pansy and even if you weren’t I’m not enough for you and I wish I hadn’t taken this stupid potion but I know that I’d do it a hundred times over if it meant that you would trust me--”

Her words stopped abruptly as Draco silenced her--not with his hand, but by placing his lips on hers. The kiss was brief and shy, more of a question in nature than a statement. Her fingers curled around the collar of his shirt as he pulled away, a rather frazzled and deer-in-the-headlights look etched into his features. 

She was speechless. Absolutely, completely, irrevocably speechless. Despite the insistent gnawing of the Veritaserum at the lining of her stomach, she could only manage to blink owlishly up at him, mouth agape.

“Are you okay?” His voice was low. 

“Ehm…” Her lips refused to move. Draco frowned, dropping his hands from her sides and sitting up straighter. Something impartial washed over his features, turning his expression from hurt to uninterested, like he’d woken up from a pleasant nap and was snapped back to reality. His legs pulled away so no part of her body was touching him.

“I--er, didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I just wanted to make you quiet again, y’know, before you said anything else you regretted. And I thought that...kissing you would shock your system enough to make you stop talking.”

Her cheeks turned a violent red as she realized the depth of his statement. “So you...don’t see me like that?” 

“No.” He ran his fingers through his hair once, took in a deep breath, and dropped his gaze to the comforter. “You should go to sleep. Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”

At the very least the potion was beginning to settle in her stomach as Draco’s breathing turned slow over the next hour or so. She didn’t know all too much about the mechanics of Veritaserum, but at this point, she had almost nothing left to confess anyways. 

Y/N tore her eyes away from his sleeping form, turning around to face the wall. His bed was soft. And it smelled like him, like the perfect blend of black tea and sage and snobbery that was in her Amortentia. She squeezed her eyes shut and wished to be anywhere but there. When he kissed her, it felt like he wanted her. Yes, of course he was timid, but she’d thought he was just nervous. But what was there for him to be nervous about? She’d already confessed under literal truth serum. He knew how she felt, and he didn’t even say sorry for kissing her and telling her he didn’t mean it like that. He still didn’t want her. Of course he didn’t when Pansy Parkinson in all her obnoxious Slytherin perfection was right fucking there. 

She was just beginning to feel sleep tug on the strings of her consciousness as she felt her hair get tucked behind her ear by a warm hand coming around from behind. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s better this way, you’ll see. It wouldn’t be fair if I...if it was different.” Despite his words, he let his fingers brush over his jaw as he moved closer, his shoulder lightly pressing into her back.

At that moment, there were so many things that Y/N wanted to say, ranging from “I am never going to live this moment down because I’m positively lovesick over you” to “I am going to beat you up for kissing me and then telling me it didn’t mean anything after I confessed.” Two schools of thought, neither of them perfectly encapsulating the true essence of her feelings. Her most traitorous thoughts told her to stay still and enjoy the final moments of affection she’d get from Draco, but she’d given into impulse a little too much that night. 

He must’ve noticed that her breathing had changed because he suddenly shifted his weight onto his free arm, keeping his hand poised by her neck. 

“Please stop touching me.” The words that came out of her mouth sounded much more pathetic than they did in her head, a voice crack finding its way into the final syllables. He jolted away.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“I thought…” He swallowed. “I thought you liked it when I touched you.”

“Yeah, before you told me you didn’t feel the same way,” she mumbled. “I really would appreciate it if you didn’t make me rehash that again. Today has been humiliating enough. I’m not looking to set a record or something here.”

She’d thought that her quip was pretty good, but Draco remained completely humorless. “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. It was stupid of me to act on impulse like that. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Never meant to--” She stopped in her tracks, instead letting out a sharp huff. “Nevermind. I don’t want a fight right now. I just want to sleep.”

Much to Y/N’s horror, her throat began to tighten up again with the tell-tale coming of tears. The next breath she exhaled was embarrassingly shaky and loud, and the movement that it sparked in Draco was even more mortifying. He made a small sound of sympathy. “C’mere, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know that must’ve hurt you.”

Undecided between feeling pissed and just wanting to forgive him, she slowly sat up and faced him. His arms were out in a motion of invitation, an unreadable expression in his eyes. 

“You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.” The Veritaserum in her system didn’t care much about her emotional turmoil, much to her horror. Y/N began to turn away, a watery scowl fixed firmly on her face, but Draco’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. 

“If I...wanted to be with you,” he began, his tone careful and clipped, “It would never work. Okay? Trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong.”

“I kind of did.”

“Yeah, well, we both did. But I don’t want you to think that I, er, never thought about it.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t quite sure what the underlying meaning of that was. 

“So... “ He motioned again with open arms. “Do you...want to? I’ll play with your hair again until you fall asleep.”

Y/N stared at him, completely astonished. “Why? If you don’t see me like that, then why?”

“I’m not going to sleep tonight anyways,” he said softly. “And I want to help you feel better.”

She opened her mouth with the hopes of a biting retort coming out, but instead she was met with silence. Against her better judgement, she set her clenched her jaw and gave in. 

His arms were wrapped around her in an instant as she tentatively settled back into his chest, her hands lightly rested on his shoulders. Despite the humiliating previous events, it didn’t feel awkward, especially when Draco’s long fingers slowly threaded through her locks and brushed past her neck. A small, forbidden sigh of contentment left her lips when he let his touch linger over the back of her neck. His deep, slow breathing and the steady beat of his heart began to lull her to sleep. 

The next morning, she was able to lie convincingly enough to Draco, telling him her name wasn’t Y/N Y/L/N and that she was 80 years old. Confident that she wasn’t about to spill all of his secrets to the student body, he told her she was free to go. 

“Draco?” she asked poised by his door.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ll see you much after this? You know, now that we aren’t Potions partners and don’t have detention together anymore?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe when this is all over, I’ll see you around at pureblood functions or whatever.”

“Yeah.” Y/N tried not to think about the implications of pureblood functions still existing in the future after this. What kind of world did Draco think this would turn into? “But this is probably it, right? The last time I’ll see you like this?”

She didn’t even need to see his nod. She knew. That’s why he offered to play with her hair despite not even liking her--it was his way of apologizing for roping her into this, for tricking her, for shutting her out, for the Sectumsempra curse...for everything. His way of apologizing before they parted ways. 

final a/n: ty for reading! first off, congrats to the anons that guessed veritaserum. that shit took me forever to write bc i had such high expectations but it turned out to be quite the challenging scene since i still had to juggle draco’s conflicting emotions/distrust and the fact that i really wanted him to make her feel better fjdkas; i thought i’d mention someone who helped me write this (even tho i don’t think they realized how much they helped lmao)L i’d like to thank my 🌟 anon for giving me some inspiration. i was struggling with the first half of this story in terms of pacing for quite some time but found some help in an ask they sent me mentioning how they related to y/n feeling lonely/would like to see luna and neville mentioned. unfortunately, i haven’t quite been able to fit neville in yet (and i’m not sure if i can without it seeming just like a random extra bit of story that isn’t helpful to the plot), but hearing some affirmation that y/n’s loneliness was something that actually resonated w them really helped. it made me realize that the isolation from her friends/draco didn’t have to just be a logical turn of events for the plot to proceed in a sensical way and instead could be used to explore y/n’s character. i hope you all enjoyed! i promise the stuff w her dad and the order will be cleared up next chapter

[brockadoodles]

Let me tell you that I love you (4 +1) - b. boeser

AN: Burn this gif onto my grave honestly. BUT ANYWAYS. Uh decided to write during the Canucks game just in case they gave me pain. And they didn’t, and I finished something. A short sweet little 4+1 for you all. I haven’t written one of these in forever, so i really tried to keep each snippet short. Let me know what you think :)

Word Count: 3433

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol briefly 

One 

Brock Boeser was an irremediable fucking romantic. He was the guy who was always more than willing to cozy up on a rainy day with a tragic Nicholas Sparks-esque movie on in the background, never shy at admitting that something as achingly faux romantic as The Notebook could make him weep. He was the guy that all of the cliches were written about, the over sensitive Pisces who stitched his heart on the inside of his left sleeve, ready and eager to give it to someone. That someone, the one who he wanted to give his entire soul to over the last year had become you. 

You were someone he had met by accident, a romantic comedy worthy moment where you both had bonded helplessly at some overly fancy bar where you both had been stood up on dates. He felt stiff in his suit jacket, and you were there in that beautiful navy piece that had him wondering how the stars and planets had aligned in such a way that he was lucky enough to be half enjoying a drink next to you. You had smiled at him, opening the gates for a shitty date turned into a memory he couldn’t wait to tell the story of in twenty five years. One chance meeting had become a date, and more dates after that until over the summer he was bringing you home to meet his parents, where he told you that he loved you for the first time. 

Brock was nervous to take you home but it wasn’t because there was an underlying fear that his family wouldn’t see all of the things in you that he did. He was apprehensive because he knew the backstory of his own life was enough baggage to send someone away, and it had. He had gone through this before, bringing someone home who didn’t want to bear the burden of what life with Brock Boeser actually meant and that loss had shaped his perspective on relationships. Bringing you home was hard, because he wanted so desperately for this to work out, and if you couldn’t take on that baggage, he knew that it wouldn’t. 

Brock felt like he had that nervousness in his chest and stomach for the whole first twenty four hours that you were there. You had flown in late, settling into bed and falling right to sleep next to him. You always found a way to sleep, whereas he was consciously restless late into the witching hour, anxious about the next day where you would be actually meeting his family for the first time. 

He had spent so long waiting for the other shoe to drop, that when you got along seamlessly with his dad, he was still uncontrollably on edge. He was watching wordlessly as you sat out on the porch with Duke, a smile on your face as you listened to him, nodding and responding with Easton comfortably playing in your lap. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned, seeing his mom with a comforting expression on her face.

“She’s great, Brock. Stop waiting for the bad.” She murmured. Brock turned back to look outside, where you were just reaching a hand to his dad’s wrist and laughing. He felt like the air was exhaling from his lungs the longer he let his mom’s words marinate in his mind. Brock opened the slider door and stepped outside, slowly walking over and pressing a soft kiss to his dad’s cheek, who in return patted his hand reassuringly. He then moved to you, settling into the wicker chair next to you and letting you hand over his nephew who was now reaching for him. As you handed Easton over, it was like everything clicked into place for him. This was what he wanted one day with you, passing over your own child with the sun setting over the lake and family all around. That was the first time he realized that he had finally figured out what love meant, because the feeling struck him harshly. He loved you, and instead of overthinking the feeling, he told you.

“I love you.” He murmured, softly enough that only you could hear it. Your eyes widened and your mouth hung open as if he could see every thought that was stampeding through your mind. He recoiled a bit, diverting his eyes from yours and swallowing back the feelings he had just let escape without thinking about the consequences. You smiled awkwardly, grabbing his hand and lacing your fingers together. You brought his hand to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to it, your non verbal way of not reciprocating. It wasn’t until you were alone that you explained to him you just weren’t ready yet, a conversation that felt like a punch to his gut but that he bore with patience and understanding. He pressed a soft kiss to your temple after, reassuring you that he understood what you were saying. You didn’t not love him, you just weren’t there yet, something he could have the patience to wait for. 

Two

The second time that Brock shared with you that he loved you was by accident. It was a classic case of drunk words revealing sober thoughts. Not that his love for you was a secret that he was trying to keep, but instead it was a closely locked away feeling that he was trying to wait to share again until you gave him the go ahead. The wait had been eating him up inside, a small sense of rejection had made a home out of his heart after telling you the first time didn’t go how he envisioned. He loved you, he was so beyond in love with you that he wished for nothing more than to be able to tell you that every second of every day. But you weren’t ready, and his sober self knew that, his wine drunk self, did not.  

It was your birthday and Vancouver had blessed (or cursed, according to most of the people that lived there) you with a dusting of snow. It was nowhere near what Brock was used to from growing up in Minnesota. He was used to long winters where the lake would be a solid sheet of ice that he and his buddies could spend their days skating on, with sometimes over a foot of snow on the ground. 

Vancouver snow was a different story. The small amount was enough to close businesses early, and cause the city to almost shut down until the snow was gone. The mere 5 inches was a lot to people in the pacific northwest, so he watched you with a fond expression as you dragged him down to the park that was near his condo, a pom pom beanie on your head and one of his jackets wrapped around you. 

You both had knocked back almost two bottles of wine, and there was a hazy aura surrounding you as he watched you twirl around with your arms out, catching snowflakes in your hair. Brock grabbed your hand and pulled you into his chest, kissing your forehead and then your nose and cheeks that were cold from the snow. 

“What are you doing?” You giggled, bringing your hand up to rest on his cheek as he looked at you. God, you were his entire fucking world, and once again he didn’t think before opening the box to that thought he had buried in his heart from the summer, the words slipping from his lips before any sense of sobriety could catch up to him. 

“I love you.” He whispered, a soft smile tugging at his lips and his eyes searching yours, hoping for a different outcome than the first time just a few months prior. You stepped back from him, bracing your hands on his arms and shifting your gaze away, something that sobered him up completely. 

“I’m not ready.” You mumbled, a sad expression behind your eyes that Brock wished wasn’t there. He tugged you closer into his chest, another soft kiss to your temple as he ran a hand along your back.

“Take as long as you need.” Brock reassured you, more than willing to live by that promise. You were worth any wait that he had to endure.  

Three 

Playoffs were Brock’s favorite part of his job. The rush of the do-or-die series was something that every player loved. He felt like playoffs were the time where his real skills came into view, where he stood on his own as a talented forward instead of in the shadows wondering where his place was. It wasn’t that Brock was insecure per say, he just always felt like he had something to prove, mainly to himself. The Canucks had battled through all of the rounds, knocking out their opponents, leading them here to the Western Conference Finals against Vegas. It was game seven, the last hurdle before playing for the cup, absolutely do-or-die for this season.  

It was everything Brock had been striving towards. It wasn’t a Stanley Cup, but god in that moment it may as well have felt like one. A game seven game winning goal, sending the team to the finals. Every year he had spent plagued with injuries, wondering if he would ever get back to that spot he had been at his rookie year, wondering if he’d ever actually feel like he deserved to be a part of that core that were the faces scattered on the outside of Rogers Arena. He nearly couldn't breathe as the puck passed by Marc Andre Fleury, hitting the back of the net and sounding off the familiar goal horn. Elias and JT were quick to pile on top of him, nearly knocking him backwards into the boards as the rest of the team ran out onto the ice. This was everything he had hoped for, a chance to play for the Stanley Cup and he was in tears knowing it was his goal that sent him there. 

After the game, all he wanted was to find you. He raced out of the locker room, past the press area where thankfully he still had twenty minutes before he needed to sit down for his interviews. He ran out into the tunnel, hair still slightly damp as he searched for you. It didn’t take him long to find you, you were standing near Holly. You turned to face him just as he rounded the corner into your line of view. He watched as you touched Holly’s arm, saying something to her that he wasn’t close enough to read on your lips. You nearly jogged up to him, jumping into his arms hard and sending him backwards as he braced for your impact. 

The two of you stood there for a moment, ignoring the entire commotion around you as some of his other teammates were cheering and coming out. He didn’t care about any of it, he cared about you. You were the one who was there for the worst season of his career, and sharing this win with you was almost more special than the win itself. You grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him hard, peppering kisses after. Brock took this as his moment, another moment where he could share with you just how he felt.

“I love you, I love you, holy shit, I fucking love you.” He mumbled against your lips. You froze slightly in his arms, hesitating before you crashed your lips back into his, hopefully distracting him from the uneasy feeling in your chest.

“I am so proud of you, Brock.” You whispered. He just looked at you and smiled, ignoring the slight feeling of letdown he felt at your lack of reciprocation. You weren’t ready, and he was okay with that. Instead of dwelling he just kissed you one last time to your lips and then your temple, holding you close before he went to answer questions from people he didn’t care to answer to before you all were going to celebrate. The Canucks didn’t win the cup that year, and his first thought after watching the Flyers rush out and hoist the coveted trophy was that maybe the disappointment would fade once he got home to you. 

Four

Brock Boeser was a fucking romantic, and there was nothing more romantic to him than a wedding. It didn’t matter how many he watched in movies, or attended as he got older and his friends and teammates started getting married. No matter who it was, there was something that calmed him about seeing two people so in love and committing to that for their lives. He always pictured his wedding, except it was only ever from his perspective. In his daydreams, he never saw someone walking down the aisle toward him, he only saw himself standing there with tears in his eyes and a smile on his face as he waited for whoever that person was to get to him. It wasn’t until he loved you that the perspective changed, and he saw himself looking at you walking toward him. 

It was Troy and Emma’s wedding, a small gathering just outside of the city and Brock was in a good mood all day. He was humming softly as he drove the two of you there, a smile permanently settled on his lips as the soft sounds of Kodaline came through the speakers of the car. He had one hand secured with yours in your lap and occasionally he glanced over at you, wondering how in the hell he got so lucky to still have you. 

The wedding was beautiful, Troy and Emma both cried softly as they went through their vows, cementing their relationship with that final first kiss as the small group of close friends and families sat in the gazebo in attendance. Brock held your hand the entire time, feeling his chest tighten when you reached up and kissed the back of it just as the vows were being shared. 

He loved weddings, but going to one with you had him tumbling back toward that locked away feeling in his chest. The romantic atmosphere clouded his judgement and dared it to come out for another time to share it with you. Brock made a mental note to stop getting ahead of himself, to stop planning out an entire future with you when you weren’t ready to even say you loved him yet. He tried to push the anxiety away, the feeling that maybe he was the one holding you back, maybe he was too sensitive or putting too much pressure on you to say it back, even though he had only let it slip less than a handful of times. He swore that sometimes he felt it. Sometimes you would look at him just long enough, with your lips pursed and the words sitting right there as he waited, but then you would falter and shake your head a bit, playing the moment off with a smile. He counted so many of those times and they were casting doubt into his chest that maybe he was there planning an entire future with someone who would never realistically be ready, no matter how hard he wanted you to be.  

You could tell that he was in his head, something about the way he was carrying himself through the day had you worried. You watched as his eyes wandered around the reception hall. He was watching everyone carefully and you knew him so well by now that it felt like you were almost inside his head with him. Only instead of letting you hear what was running through his mind, there was a locked door keeping you out. Brock shifted back to face you, grabbing your hand once more and helping you up.

“Dance with me?” He asked. Brock pulled you into his chest, wrapping an arm around your waist as he swayed slowly with you, not paying attention to much around him other than you. He was feeling grateful for a lot of things, grateful that he was able to share such a special day with some of his closest friends, grateful that now the picture of this with you was so clear in his mind, and grateful that you were there with him, dancing slowly around the room. Brock closed his eyes for a moment as you leaned your head into his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as he moved you around. He pictured all of it, the flower crown you’d probably wear, the smile on your face, and the tears in his own eyes that he would have watching as you came toward him. He pictured every last detail, a vivid dream that he was set on becoming a reality now. 

“I love you.” He hummed, letting his eyes open slowly as you lifted your head. You didn’t even have to say you weren’t ready this time, the slight shift of your eyes had unfortunately become something that Brock was learning all too well. He did what he always did though, he pressed a soft kiss to your temple and tucked the box of love back inside, sighing softly to himself and wishing that one day you’d take it.  

Plus One

Brock loved you in all the ways that he ever thought that he could love someone, down to each subtlety of your demeanor and personality. He loved the way you laughed at his bad jokes, the way that you were patient with his dad, and the way you cared so much about the health of the world. But he also loved the bad things, the little annoyances that came with navigating a relationship that was long distance part time, the way you’d sometimes leave a mess at his place, hitting a nerve after a tough loss, he loved all of those things because that’s what made you human and your relationship normal.

This morning wasn’t anything special, there was no event the previous night that had kept you out late. There was no celebration of any kind. You had come over for dinner and stayed, falling asleep tucked under his arm with Coolie and Milo snuggled at your feet. This no doubt was Brock’s favorite way to wake up, and he’d do it for a lifetime as soon as you’d let him. 

Brock always woke up before you, he was often an early riser and whenever you were there he found himself settling in and watching you sleep for just a few moments before he would slowly roll away from you to get up and make coffee. This morning was no different. His fingers drummed along your hip as your eyes fluttered open and his chest filled with the same feeling he only ever imagined existed in an alternate reality. You smiled softly and tucked yourself closer into his chest, a soft and groggy  good morning escaping from your lips. He didn’t have time to think about if you were on his page, he was already writing the rest of the book with you. 

“I love you.” He said. 

He supposed it was just another instance added to the shortlist in his mind of attempts at telling you he loved you. Brock was now zero for four, more than a strikeout on the scoreboard, but Brock was also patient, and didn’t mind a late bottom of the 9th inning comeback if it meant his love was finally reciprocated. He didn’t mind telling you he loved you, because he did, but a small part of his heart cracked each time you smiled and nodded in favor of saying those three words back that he’d do anything to hear. Each kiss to the temple after masking that crack in his chest that was widening, possibly too far to fill in with hope much longer. 

Except this time, your smile wasn’t forced. There wasn’t a nervousness behind your eyes, there was something else. You leaned into him, kissing him softly while your hand tugged at the ends of his hair. Something felt different in this kiss, a calm wave settling into his chest instead of the usual feeling that Brock felt from the previous times he shared this with you. You pulled back, smiling at him brightly. 

“I love you, too.” And those words that fell from your lips didn’t hold a flame to any of the hopeless romances he not so secretly liked to enjoy, he now had the real thing.