#anyway as always I has been doing well
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guys I am breaking my silence to share that I did in fact watch hazbin hotel and I enjoyed it and I cannot believe it’s real <3 I have many words to say that I cannot think of right now but we’ll come back to that at a later date
for now my thought to share is this… ler vox or OR BETTER YET!!! lee vox <3
#Holy shit vox came on the screen and started singing and I lost my mind#Also the way he uses positive reinforcement with applause/slot machine win sound effects is BRILLIANT#these tags are going to become a post of their own ARENT they…#anyway as always I has been doing well#Unfortunately I had some rough times but hey we’re pulling thru and getting back on the grind#imagine lee vox#squeaky laugh absolutely at times#and ofc ler vox bc just the evil teasing he could do.#the sound effects? he’d absolutely find a way to use those to fuck with you#why am I making a headcanons post in the tags 😭#ok goodnight if anyone else is thinking abt vox and tickling hit me up#asks are open hehe but no promises#hazbin hotel tickle
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green
#my art#free! iwatobi swim club#free! eternal summer#free! dive to the future#free! fanart#free!#makoto tachibana#yamazaki sousuke#hiyori tono#im DONe oh my god i didnt think i could do it#looks at date what do u meAN these only took a week i feel like ive aged 30 years working on these#makoto took the longest by far like th angle the water the FISH shoutout to the blur tool fr i would die without her#also let me tell u a story. the entire time i was working on makoto and hiyori i STILL had no internet#so not only was i fighting the csp offline usage limit i also couldnt download any new brushes so guess who rawdogged the willow and kelp#nothin but a bamboo leaf brush a flat chisel and a dream#these r easily the most in-depth backgrounds ive tackled in a While and i honestly think they turned out rly well all things considered#makoto has 2 b my fav for obvious reasons but as a set i think they r all very strong and cohesive im so !!! pats self on back#sousuke tho is sadly th latest instalment of hina refuses to learn csp perspective tool.. dont look at my diagonals dont LOOK at them >:(((#it's always more apparent w indoor settings sighs gomen sousuke at least u look great in the patient gown :'> resident hospital hottie#ANYWAY ever since tht one free!/colour theory post i have been rotating these three in my head nonstop they make me in sain#so this is my take on them and green this is my love letter to the right hand men of the free cast#and hiyori /j#i jest he's grown on me he has male manipulated his way up from the bottom tier i have been charmed by his petty instigator tendencies#this is what happened to ikuya kirishima hashtag never forget
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you always land on all fours
#umineko#umineko spoilers#ikuko hachijo#ikukos turn for a more serious piece... the old man has reigned for too long#now. INCREDIBLY LONG INCOHERENT TAGS RANT INCOMING FAIR WARNING HAS BEEN GIVEN:#it makes me so so sad how little discussion there is about specifically ikuko because imho she fits so neatly into a lot of the more#overarching Big Themes of the game in a way that i have not ever really seen people take notice of or point out in a meaningful way#like even just off of the top of my head. the significance of names and what it means to go by a name that's Not Yours (she has like 4+)#what it Means to be a witch how it represents a person's deepest insecurities and flaws & how its at its core a coping mechanism#the fact that it takes two to create a universe and trying to do it on your own anyways has the capacity to bring you intense misery#^ (how she's shown to be extremely dismissive of her own work and skill until a collaborator comes into her life and helps/encourages her)#and even the family/patriarchy/misogyny stuff that is so prevalent in the rest of the game comes back around to her. even her Only Friend#(young&stupid atp to be fair) remarks that shes Weird for being unmarried + the little she does say about her past invites the question of#to what extent her self-image stems from her family deeming her a freak outcast & effectively disowning her while celebrating her brothers#and i have lot in my mind about the witch thing specifically because i think her particular situation is very reflective of what umineko's#entire magic system and fantasy facet as a whole is meant to represent for an individual. from what little we see of (what is presumably)#her Real personality she is shown to be deeply self conscious in a way that is JARRINGLY diametrically opposed to both 1.) what we see in#featherine and 2.) what we see when she is acting as a Public Figure. because both of the above are very much purposeful acts that she is#putting on in order to obfuscate her true self. and i have always been very resolute & adamant about not totally equating her to featherine#not only because im very firmly in the camp of “featherine is the avatar of the Pen Name & tohya is part of her too” but also very much b/c#i feel very strongly that the stark differences between the two are very centrally relevant to her character & her psyche. as is the case#with most other witches featherine's personality traits serve to reveal/magnify a lot of ikukos inner workings by playing on her#insecurities/reversing them e.g. ikuko being very quick to downplay her skill/achievements becomes featherine being the COMPLETE opposite#to the point where she barely registers even other witches as living beings rather than just fun touys. BUT even though i do champion the#ikuko/featherine separation so hard i ALSO think it is purposefully relevant that at first glance the line between them seems so blurry#her introduction implying a more nebulous separation between her reality/fantasy counterpart is i think is an intentional move on her part#like it is part of the front she is putting up when acting as the Author. as opposed to Ikuko the person who we (in a way ironically very#similar to the way that the Real Battler is presumably only shown during the boatscene) only very briefly get to see take up screentime#which even on a meta level lines up very well with her apparent underlying nature as a like. extremely private largely reserved/shy person#hit tag limit but if by some miracle anyone is still reading this thank you... please see ikuko with the love she deserves... ok ily byeee
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i lied i had like atleast one more weston thought to expell from my brain, before i miss this boat entirely. we're heading to green lands woooo
#god i had a fever this entire morning and afternoon so I think it was my inability to do anything that finally pushed me to finish this#seriously it took a month... disapointing#more disappointing is that i didn't have the time to tear up the internet in order to find what a professors break room looked like in 1899#if there was such a thing#really tragic#ah yea welp im very glad it's out there atleast. I want to release all of my black butler stuff so badly but guh...#tragedy has struck and i have been inspired to finally make a person project of my own#so that's taking a long time#but not to worry after like 5 years and some pondering i know well that black butler will always be one half of my brain#coooool#anyway i got more dorky stuff coming I hope??? wasn't lying before I am thinking of the midfords#and ill pray i can find the strength to get everything done soon#hope my rants are more tasteful after months of absence if ur still here#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#digital art#animation#animatic#video#weston college arc#black butler anime#black butler agares
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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#carlos sainz#autumn posts#loml!!! ❤️💫#hi everyone!!!! sorry I've been gone for a while!!#I missed SO much OMGGG so much has happened!! 🥺 I'll be reblogging to catch up on Carlos' modeling adventures and Enchanté rosé today + more#I have some saved Milan moments too and tewe stek moments that now feel so long ago haha!! omg the gp is NEXT WEEK??#😭❤️ so hyped#ahhh tbh I sped through dts just to see it for myself#so reductive and frustrating on so many levels#some lovely moments though and thanks to everyone for capturing them in lovely clips and beautiful gifs ❤️#I'll focus on the good but wow... very frustrating editing#anyways I won't ramble here much!!!#as I'm want to do only always#sending everyone lots of well wishes ❤️#and ahhh this video for these gifs#his hand in his hair and his laugh and the way he says he was thinking 'wild things'#😵💫💦✨ good god#he's barefoot and pregnant in my mind palace's kitchen rn wearing only that ill fitting Williams apron#I shall stop there 🙂↕️✨
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ringo has never ever looked bad in an alt but my god she's hitting never before seen levels of Help Me lately
#puyo puyo#ringo ando#my stuff#i was on call with my friends when i found out the red spotlights had been released. they can attest that i went so insane#i screamed also. when i saw her#i wanna draw smn for rulue and amitie too because theyre sooo.... theyre so!!!#i love rulue's pants i want those pants. rulue in pants is such a rare treat and its always so great when it happens#and ami's polka dots and frills galore and shes trying to talk like a lady and shes got a medal themed after her usual flower charm??? help#ringo in the furisode was something i was not expecting (everyone's been western style so far) but like. im not complaining#look at her. shes gorgeous. i love her HAIR#step over satan's ponytail. uhh witch's... also ponytail#ringo's coming and shes fabulous#also i think. i think do not quote me on this. the medal she has was handmade and given to her by her clubmates right.#they matched it to her outfit. god get you friends who'll match a handmade gold medal to your seasonal fit#anyway its. well i accidentally didnt sleep to finish this so im going to bed probably now#i leave you with ringo looking so so good. take care of her
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another character from die as lovers may, my funney vampire story... had this design bouncing around in my brain for years honestly
[image description: a reference image for an original character named dr. pranali guin, a fat, older dark-skinned woman that has black hair with a white streak pulled into an updo. she is wearing a tight white dress with a cropped black jacket and an orange ribbon around her neck. next to her are blurbs stating that she is 55, that her pronouns are she/her, that she is an aroace woman, and the following: "acclaimed sexologist who is rather humorless. incredibly suspicious of rowan, but isn't quite sure why. not as stern as she looks. has really bad eyesight, but refuses to wear glasses out of spite. loves melodramatic soap operas and keeps a journal detailing every plot point in them. probably autistic." end id]
#she's not the most important character plot wise but she's been a part of the outline of it for years#if you have noticed the very obvious and very silly pattern among all of the scientists in dalm kudos to you#spoilers. it has no metaphorical or subtextual significance. i just thought it would be funny#i mean it has a bit of significance i guess? but its not very serious#anyways. where are my old lady enjoyers. i have a lady for you#also let me say that dalm takes place Vaguely in the 80s and rowan and pam are really the only characters involved in the queer culture-#-of the time so i dont think pranali would actually like. self-indentify as aroace. but like. She Is. so im putting it anyway#even though typically i write the identities as how they indentify themselves. such is why geo's always has a question mark#none of this is important i just like rambling bc i put a lot of thought into this stuff#doc talks#my art#my characters#maybe i should make tags of my different stories. why dont i do that already.#may as well start here i guess. if i remember to do this later#die as lovers may
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You know what's hilarious, if Ludinus was indeed a young man being traumatized by the end of the Calamity. Deirta Thelyss is almost certainly older than he is.
This is not relevant but I think Essek should bring this up, just to be a bitch about it.
#for the purposes of showing my work: a beacon was found by leylas kryn 1200 years ago.#she was considered enough of a cultural leader or influence to convince people to follow her ergo likely an adult of some standing.#the other umavi of the ruling dens (aka deirta and abrianna) are suggested to have been around at the time as well#ludinus would be at most 1000 years old. they're all like. at LEAST 1400 mentally if not physically.#and that's the LOW estimate#as always how long was the calamity. are the umavi actually pre-calamity. that would be SO funny to me.#(pre-calamity and pre-divergence are different for the record.)#ludinus da'leth ain't SHIT#leylas kryn escaped lolth lived through the calamity and has gone through seven rebirths. ludinus WISHES#if ANYONE deserves to have beef with lolth it's leylas kryn for the record. I mean she does. canonically. BUT HERS IS MOST VALID#anyway as always the dynasty best country <3#if there are 99 ludinus haters I'm one of them if there's one it's me if there are none I've left this earth etc etc#he's just SO fun to hate and I do not respect him in the slightest nor do I think he deserves respect or validation.#I think he should get fucking sucked into a dark star and never be heard from again xoxo :3#cr spoilers#essek thelyss
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Eyy, King Reaper and his beloved Mage Geno designs <3
#new age au#Geno is very tall (tall Geno supremacy <3) and Reaper usually floats so he's just slightly taller than Geno on any normal day <3#if he unties his robe in the back it drags along the floor at the perfect height to feign being very tall-#ohh I have so many thoughts about them :]#Geno's magic manifests as crystals so he wears some on his outfit (and keeps more in his pockets)#the black and purple ones on his belt are meant to be a little reference to Reaper (and Dust. before meeting him he only has a black one-)#Geno also uses a Cane! he's insanely skilled and powerful but on sone days magic fatigue finally catches up to him and he has to use it#the black half-robe was also the only accessory Reaper could convince Geno to adopt from his kingdom- that and the Sandals haha-#(I like to think Error made Geno's scarf-)#and ofc Reaper...#he's been ruling for so long that he lives in comfort rather than appearance because. i mean. no one is going to doubt him at this point#he leaves his ribcage exposed as a show of his confidence in his rule (direct access to his soul basically-) but also because. well.#he thinks he's eye-candy 🙏#and in his kingdom the crown/sign of royalty are those olive branch circlets#he wears his over his hood usually. Geno recieved one when Reaper officially finished courting him. Dust would eventually get one. though#for him it's more the equivalent of a wedding ring since his loyalty lies with Nightmare still and he has little official ruling power in#Reaper's kingdom.#oh! Reaper also wears a littlr band Geno made him once on his ribs. it's a nice red gem that he's vaguely aware is actually a tracking spel#Geno thought he was being subtle about it. he. in fact. was not. but Reaper let him get away with it 🙏#oh!!! last thing#Geno sometimes wears a nice silk wrap over his bad eye that's a nice clean white. it usually depends if he's doing magic or not#because his eye tends to get melty again if he strains during casting. and he's always overdoing it lmao-#anyways yeah#mm lied one more note#Reaper's wings are optional. kinda like a manifestation of his Ecto in a way since he doesn't need them to float#more just sonething to make him more regal or appear more threatening!#now I'm done#my favorite goofballs <3#spot!drawn#my art
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let it be known that i love prince inigo with my whole soul. however sometimes it is SO much fun to think about owain and his two most loyal-est knights you ever seen: worst guy in the world #1 and worst guy in the world #2. i love retainer inigo and severa so much. retainers who bully you and make fun of you and trash on you but they’d leave behind everyone and everything they ever knew to follow you and protect you in a whole new universe. they love you so much that they’d swear allegiance to total strangers but that loyalty pales in comparison to what they’d do for you. and they were all lovers!!!!!!!
#ann plays awakening#awakening trio#sometimes i forget owain is literal royalty and like#in the bad timeline hes probably like. the second most important person there?? unless luci has a sibling#obviously she’d need her own retainers but unfortunately i am thimking awakening trio thoughts. i miss. i love them in any form#that they are handed to me#i love them as best friends. as forced circumstance allies to family. as lovers.#i know i said lovers in this post but im not sure they’d ever label it as that#to me its very much ‘its not exactly romantic but its too intense to be platonic’#what i am getting at is queer platonic awakening trio btw. in case that wasnt obvious#like no matter who they are or where they go they are eachothers people dude. like literally do not separate#anyways im gonna be thinking long and hard about who should be everyones parents in this timeline#i have what i call my ‘main’ pairings and thats what i use for most of my headcanons (ex prince inigo)#but i’d like a completely separate one for owain retainer trio#i think im pretty set on fred!severa#i couuuldddd pick fred!inigo which i do think is SUPER compelling as well but something about freddy!severa… also shes so cute as a brunette#like sorry… shes just so beautiful#ive been having a lot of thoughts aboht tharj!inigo and i need to figure out if thats current bias talking or if im cooking with that one#i got no idea who owain’s second parent should be. robin maybe? idk#i mean his second parent isnt quite as impactful in regards to trio dynamics in this case just because he’s always the prince but. idk#i really like the idea of half plegian owain but i ALWAYS run half plegian owain cuz im always pairing lissa with robin or henry so its like#this isnt new 😭😭😭 but god. PLEGIAN OWAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#hm. though. hear me out. manakete owain???????????????? ehhh????#sorry. idk. i love how changing the parents of the second gen can change their characterization. its like my favorite thing ever#i think its why im so attached to all of them. theres always new things to explore with them!!! its so much fun!!!!!!#graaarfggjjjhhhhhhn!!!!
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I think that discussions of TTRPGs would be much more productive if the advocates of moving from D&D could separate out the ideas of "WoTC is part of the massive Hasbro conglomerate which engages in the shady capitalist practices massive conglomerates do"; "D&D is not suited for every single type of story or gameplay style"; and "here's how to pick a different TTRPG that suits you needs" because as I've said many a time like 99% of them are just trying to sell you on their favorite game, which might be out of print, prohibitively expensive, something no one around you is interested in playing, or is just as bad if not worse a fit for what you want to do as D&D.
I also think said conversations would be more productive if acknowledging many people came into TTRPGs via Actual Play but would be willing to branch out if you weren't the world's most condescending dickhead towards them*; if people considered the hard truth that if you're fluent in D&D and own the materials and have a group already the pitch for Pathfinder specifically actually becomes much harder, not easier; and, as always, if people tailored their recommendations. I agree that heists or space operas or low-combat social games don't play well in D&D; they also don't play well necessarily in your favorite game that you recommend for everything that isn't magically better or more versatile just because it's from a smaller company.
Anyway the point is if you just want to whine about D&D being a dominant force be my guest but you will probably lose all but the most impressionable/desperate for the validation of strangers portion of your D&D-playing audience. If you're actually interested in changing minds and not jacking off to how much cooler and better you are be prepared to ask or answer these questions:
Is D&D genuinely a bad fit for what they want to do, or are you just an intrusive hater?
What is the person you're trying to convert interested in doing at the table? This is is a complex question that covers genre and tone; session-to-session gameplay such as combat vs. RP balance but also (for example) granularity of rules; and overall scope of the game (eg: is this something that you can play a long-term campaign in with character progression? Or is it fairly static and intended to be a few sessions at most?)
What games are accessible to them? This means within their budget (unless you advocate for pirating from small indies, which will not really help with the whole WoTC dominance situation); within what they and their table have time to learn (or, if they are looking to get into games in the first place, what they might be able to find a group for); and again, I can't believe I have to say this but I really do because I've seen it multiple times: whether the game is in print.
Have you considered gently directing them to their friendly local gaming store with answers to the second and third questions above and unleashing them upon a person who knows the gaming scene in their area and (while I've dealt with a Comic Shop Guy or two in my time) is less likely to call them a dumb bitch to their face if the answer ends up being "I'll stick with D&D"? Again, is this about them having a good time? Or is this about you?
*the best way to describe this, since I've been talking a lot about people attempting to claim the status of the systemically oppressed, is that a lot of non-D&D/non-AP fans of TTRPGs on Tumblr act like they are an oppressed class and it's like Kevin, you are a white sysadmin Monte Hall Games fanboy, you are not oppressed by the girlies making Keyleth-inspired D&D characters. You are not part of the more popular fandom and indeed dislike it; this does not make you of a lower class.
#prokopetz is one of the only people on tumblr who seems to be capable of doing this; jenna moran when she's around as well#and unsurprisingly they are both game designers not condescending randos#me at pax u like i refuse to even go to the fabula ultima booth bc your tumblr fans suck so much i don't want to be around the game#anyway i make this post like once every six months but it's always true and none of them ever learn#ESPECIALLY pf people like. why would i switch to a rather similar system and have to find a new table and buy new shit#when it supports the same scope of gameplay and genre. and it's not even indie.#anyway this is both about like. charlie hall. and also the person who thought that playing pf1e in 2014 would inherently imbue a game#that has been played in D&D 5e for 10 years with an increased level of complexity. & the condescending dipshit out of print games fandom
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Athena: Hee hee hee. You were so cute! ...And who's THAT fine-looking young man?
Apollo: That's Nahyuta, back when he used to smile.
[...]
Apollo: These pictures sure bring back memories. Nahyuta is cheerfully smiling in this one. That quiet smile he gives in court now seems almost fake by comparison.
[...]
Apollo: [...] (Before he goes, I'm going to turn back time by righting the wrongs that have been done. I'm going to restore Dhurke's freedom... ...and return a real smile to Nahyuta's face! I'm going to win this case. I just have to!)
[...]
Apollo: ......... (Dhurke, I hope you're watching. I proved your innocence... ...Nahyuta's smiling again... ...and that revolution you've always dreamed of... is finally happening.)
apollo's repeated reflections on nahyuta's smile throughout turnabout revolution and his desire to bring a real one back to his face instead of the fake one he's used up until then......augh. it's so fun to me
#fifteen years since you've seen your brother and he's acting like such a dick that you're ready to move the hell on without him#and your dad tells you that he's suffering and honestly that doesn't really explain anything at all. but#you remember the quiet gentle brother you were raised with. who's been in your memories since#before the time you could even remember anything at all. and if there's a chance that your dad is right. if there's a chance#that the brother you knew is still in there. that you might be able to bring back the smile you haven't seen in fifteen years.#then maybe all of this will be worth it.#off-topic but do you ever think about the 6-5 bad ending. where they don't prove#ga'ran guilty and apollo joins the defiant dragons with nahyuta. that was insane of them tbh#staying to help fix a legal system when the worst of everything is over is one thing. but staying when it's still at its absolute worst...#when the rebellion has been forced underground and you're eating lizards when you have an apartment and a job waiting for you#on the other side of the world. when you don't Have to be here but you are anyway....#(or. well. i guess ga'ran knows his face at that point but even still. apollo Could start over in the states if he wanted to)#i think about it sometimes. you could run but your brother is here. even after all this time#there's just something so fun to me about apollo and nahyuta only being a year apart because god they really don't remember#life without each other's existence in them do they#when they were with each other and when they were without each other later#but they always Knew the other was out there somewhere. even when they tried to forget
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While Edwin’s more than a bit stand-offish and definitely not the most tactful, I never did get the sense that he doesn’t like people - in fact, I think his insistence that he’s “not good with people” and his general emotional detachment/disinterest has a lot more to do with his assumption that they don’t or won’t like him.
And while that’s very sad to think about… it’s not as if his belief here is hard to understand, considering his past experiences. But it’s left him quite guarded and lonely, and of course, the more he isolates himself from people other than Charles (and even here, he allows himself little vulnerability), the more he reinforces this fear that people won’t like him, and the less he allows himself to properly sympathize or empathize with others, which is why his friendships with Crystal and Niko and Monty (short-lived as that was) are so important. Once he started to let some of those walls down, to not be so scared of vulnerability and to be around people who allow themselves to feel and want so readily (to live! who allow themselves to live without fear of loving!), he’s really not nearly as bad with people as he seems to think he is - and, in fact, he’s actually quite good at saying or doing the right thing for them when it really counts.
#he really does mean well :’)#he also LOVES being a sassy petty little show off but these two things can and do coexist and in fact. improve the overall vibe lol#honestly Edwin is so funny. I don’t even find him that mean tbh that level of petty has always been hilarious to me.#if id known him in high school I definitely would’ve sat near him in class. don’t know. I feel teenage me would’ve considered him#‘potential friend’ or at least ‘someone to work on group assignments with’#lol but anyways edwin makes me very sad#that boy lives his (after)life in so much fear#storyrambles#dead boy detectives#this is a bit of a mess but I’m just going to post it as is#edwin payne#random thoughts
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