#anyway I’m finally releasing it from my drafts

[raplinenthusiasts]

in bloom 🌸 {old version}

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Imagines

mafia boss | lhs.

synopsis: mafia boss heeseung pursuing you.

pairings: lee heeseung x reader

word count: 4k

warnings: mentions of bullying, people being mean to reader, mafia heeseung.

note: i think this was requested, here you go! hehe i’m slowly releasing my drafts so bare with me lmao. also i’ve been very busy lately since there will be a big change in my life (i’m not getting married). anyway, reblogs and replies are highly encouraged as it helps me boost my posts and inspire me to write more. have a nice day and ily. stay safe everyone!

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

Being courted by the heir of Lee clan is pretty crazy. Having him all smitten by you is even crazier. It still doesn’t seem real. You’ve always think he was way out of your league, but he never made you feel like that.

Although, there are times where he flaunt his wealth sometimes that makes you realize how different you two are. It was unintentional, you can see that he’s just really want to make you feel how much he adores you.

“Wait, Heeseung.” you halt your steps and since the tall gorgeous boy is holding your hand, he stops as well.

He glances over his shoulder with eyebrows raised, confusion and slight worry flashes through his face.

“The mall seems close. We should just go.”

When driving over the parking lot a while ago, you already noticed how the famous mall seems so empty. The lights from inside is open, it’s well lit as usual but oddly, the parking space is empty. It was really weird as it was never like this. Since its located pretty much at the center of the city, its a hot place for mall goers.

He stares at you for a while before he then glances at the mall. Realization occurs him afterwards as he smiled, tightening his hold to your hand.

“Oh, yeah. I rented the whole place.” he casually said that made your jaw drop slightly.

He started pulling you again to guide you towards the entrance, but after regaining your senses you halted.

“What?” the astonishment lingers hardly on your tone. He furrowed his brows, wondering what is it this time.

“What do you mean ‘what’? I rented the whole place to ourselves.” he shrugs his shoulders then you can feel his thumb caressing your hand softly.

“Why?”

Being the youngest and used to getting things instantly, Heeseung’s feeling a little impatient with the way you’ve been delaying your agenda for tonight. He’s been wanting to do this for days and now, he couldn’t wait.

“You said you hate it when there’s a lot of people whenever you shop.” he smiles softly, “So I rented this.” he glances at the mall behind him.

Your lips pursed while staring at him, gaze softens. Nobody ever put so much effort for you, and now that you’re experiencing it from someone you least expect to do it leaves you speechless.

He’s been doing these things for you ever since the day he told you he likes you. He never fails to amaze you and take you by surprise. Lee Heeseung surely has a lot of tricks under his sleeves.

But apart from wealth and good looks, you discovered a lot of new things with Heeseung. The fact that behind his very intimidating aura, is a child wanting to be taken care of. He loves cuddle so much, always wants to feel you through his skin. He’s very clingy.

“Hey,” he gulps and leans downwards to slightly match your height. “too much?” he worriedly utters under his breath.

Heeseung wants to try his best to make you feel his sincere love and affection towards you, but he also doesn’t want it to be overwhelming.

“N-No,” you finally aswered and smiles despite the tears brimming your eyes.

“I’m just really thankful.”

He smiles and kisses you on your forehead before guiding you inside again. The stores on the whole first floor seems to be vacant. Lights were open, but there’s nobody there. The two of you headed straight to the second floor. Lines of branded clothes greeted you.

You rarely shops here since its super expensive, but Heeseung wants nothing but the best for his girl.

“Welcome, Mr. Lee.” the staffs bows their head as he walks inside this popular brand. He has his hand on your waist.

“Help her find clothes.” he stated.

“How many pairs, Sir?”

Heeseung eyes the girl with cold look. “As many as she wants.”

He teared his gaze off of her then glances back at you. The familiar soft look is back and he smiles, taking your hand over his lips.

“Just pick whatever you like, okay? I’ll take care of everything.” he smiled assuredly.

“B-But,”

“No buts.” and the way he looks at you indicates that he will surely not accept no from you.

Since you’ve been all alone your entire life, there’s nobody for you to lean on or share life problems. You’ve been independent your whole life and so you’re still not used having him taking care of you like this.

He walks towards this white elegant couch, “I’ll be waiting here patiently so take all your time, baby.”

Even before you can say anything else, a girl wearing a uniform escorted you towards the pile of expensive clothes.

That’s where it all started. The luxury kind of living you’ve only daydream about. Heeseung became very consistent of it that it triggers something inside you. Sometimes, you overthink and get scared of him suddenly stopping. He just constantly assures you that it will never happen.

“Y/n, let the boys take care of that! Why are you carrying heavy things?!” your manager suddenly steps in and stops you from what you’re doing.

You gave her a confused look as she calls some of the staffs to do it instead. You’ve been doing that before Lee Heeseung even happen and now she’s all worried that you’re carrying those boxes?

Lee Heeseung sure made your life way easier.

“It's fine, I can totally do this. Its my job.” you tried stopping her, but she glances and continuously shakes her head in disapproval.

“What?! No!” you can almost see the fear forming her eyes when you said those words. Not fear of tiring or overworking you, but fear of making you feel upset and getting on heeseung’s bad side.

“Can you believe her? She use to scold you so much for not moving those boxes right away.” your friend stood beside you, watching as the scene unfolds.

You let out a sigh, “Yeah.”

She glanced at you and scoffed, “Well I can’t really blame her. Who wants to mess with Lee Heeseung?” and she shrugs her shoulder before walking away.

You stood still and let yourself be drowned in your own thoughts. She’s definitely right. But you can’t really relate to their fear as you know damn well that the mafia they’re scared with? Is whipped for you.

Later that night you went home and showered to go straight to bed. Surprisingly, despite the same hours of shift, you aren’t that tired. You barely did the heavy works.

The bed that Lee Heeseung provided sure is pretty comfortable, it pulls you into dreamland right away. But in the middle of the night, you’re awoken by the continuous doorbell from your door.

Your eyes pries open, a little annoyed to be disturbed in a very inconvenient hour. The clock beside your bed flashes the numbers 5:03 am. It made you curse lightly as you push yourself up to go get the freaking door.

With your hair still a little disheveled and only wearing a tank top and sweatpants, you stride your dark hallway.

You didn’t even bother to check who it was and just burst the door open, ready to smack out of whoever it is that interrupted your sleep.

“Baby.” his husky low voice completely pulls you out of trance.

The annoyed look on your face vanishes into thin air and got replaced with confused expression. Lee Heeseung is standing in front of you, wearing a white longsleeves and slacks. Seems like he just got out from a meeting or something.

“Hee?” you managed to utter using your hoarse voice. He kept his icy stares on you.

“What are you doing here?”

“Why did you open the door without checking who it was? Are you always this reckless?” he hissed. You couldn’t take it seriously at the moment as you’re still astonished that he’s right here in front of you when he’s suppose to be still in another country.

“What are you doing here?” you repeated yourself.

He steps forward and kisses you on your forehead, a bit hard since he’s a little pissed by the fact that you’re being careless. He’s already thinking of sending 24 hours security guards right in front of your unit.

He sighs then reached over you, resting his hand on both of your hips.

“Let’s go.” he said that only added to your confusion.

He hold your hand, tugging it to guide you outside. Some of his men were already there, waiting. One of them secures the door as Heeseung continued pulling you somewhere.

“Heeseung!” you hissed and tries to stop him, but it was no use. Your built are no match on his.

“Aren’t you suppose to be in a business meeting outside the country?”

“Yes.” he answered, still not stopping and sparing you a glance.

Your brows furrowed, “Did you went straight here from your flight?” as you rack your eyes down to his outfit.

“Uh-huh.” he shortly replied, tightening his grip on your hand. It does not hurt so much, felt so warm tho.

“Where are you even taking me?” and tries not to stumble on your own feet. Your eyes dropped at your house slippers, pouting that it caught all the outside dirt thanks to him.

“We’re going to have some breakfast.” he smiles and opens the door to his car.

“I’m on my pajamas.” you informed him like he couldn’t see it himself.

He trailed his eyes from your head to toe.

“You still look beautiful.” he sincerely stated that awed you slightly.

How come he can still say that when you have no make up on and looking like a rug? He’s definitely something.

He gently pushes you to go inside and his last comment just poisoned your whole system that you didn’t even fight back. He successfully put your seatbelt before closing the door to walk around the vehicle.

“You can sleep more, baby. I’ll wake you up once we’re there.” he says while starting the car, the roaring sound its engine is too familiar for you already.

You rolled your eyes and made yourself comfortable, “You ruined my sleep.” you jokingly said.

He chuckles then effortlessly reaches for a blanket somewhere from the back to warm you up.

Since you’re still a little sleepy, you did drifted to sleep pretty easily. Which you regret sooner since the moment you open your eyes, you’re in a different seat.

“Why are we in a plane?” was your first question, slightly panicking.

Heeseung’s sat beside you.

“We’re having breakfast.”

You shoot him with a bashful look, “On a plane?” a private one, to be specific.

He chuckles, finding you adorable.

“No, silly. We’re going to Paris.”

To say that your eyes bulged out is an understatement.

“Paris?! Why?!” you exclaimed.

Heeseung has the audacity to look surprised by your reaction when he’s the one who took you from your unit then take you to a flight to Paris. And he said you’re having breakfast? In Paris?!

“Yeah,” he shrugs his shoulders. “you said you want to eat croissant.”

Your mouth gaps, couldn’t believe the man beside you. The fact that he looked so innocent while saying that as well is even more staggering for you.

“From the shop a few blocks away from my workplace!”

His eyes then softens then he blinks multiple times, finally realizing it.

“Oh...” he says.

You’re out of words and you two are occupied by silence for a while. This is totally unexpected. But what do you even expect? This is Lee Heeseung for god’s sake! He’s a man full of surprises, sometimes even unplanned.

You let out a sigh then looks out of the window, appreciating the beautiful blue skies decorated by white soft clouds.

“I can’t believe I’ll be in Paris for the first time wearing sweatpants.” you mumbled softly, like it was the biggest problem you have at the moment.

Heeseung reaches for your hand and kissed it, “We’ll just shop for a dress once we get there. Sounds better?”

You craned your neck to face him and stares deeply to his beautiful eyes. A small smile finally spreads across your face before you reached over his cheeks to caress it.

“Thank you so much.” and then you leans in to kiss him on his lips that caught him in utter shock.

“I can’t believe you agreed on coming in the first place! Those people were so mean to you!” she exclaimed as she watches how you’re scurrying to prepare for this dinner.

You looked at her through the mirror. She looks so stressed out while watching you put some make up on. Her eyes then trailed at your expensive dress— bought by Heeseung of course.

She inwardly smiles, you looked beautiful. Well, you always are. She sighs and got worried once again. She knew how bad those people treated you back in high-school so she can’t be at ease knowing you’ll be dining with them tonight.

“It will be alright, (friend name).” and gave her an assuring smile.

But at the back of your mind, you’re actually very worried as well. Scared of what may happen tonight. You convinced yourself that nothing will change unless you face those people who bullied you before. They will keep on torturing and hurting a part of you, thinking that they still have the upperhand on you.

For the first time, you wanted to stand up for yourself.

“And I can’t believe you’re going to that reunion without Heeseung. They’re probably bringing their partners to brag. You should too!”

“He’s probably busy.”

She snorted, “I bet my whole life savings, he will ditch whatever he’s doing just to go with you! That man is down bad for you.”

You chuckled with a blush on your cheeks, totally flustered about it. “You don’t even have savings, (friend name).”

She rolled her eyes, “You don’t have to slap me with reality!”

“Just take Heeseung with you please? That way, I'll be more at ease.” she says in a very worried tone.

“(friend name), I can’t.” you sighs. She’s probably insisting this even more after knowing how you felt for the man.

“I genuinely love him and I don’t want him to get the impression that I’m using him.” you explained. Her eyes softens as her shoulder lowered in surrender.

“Fine, that sounds disgusting by the way!” she jokingly hissed at you then asked you to hurry up.

“Make sure to call me if something happens, okay?” she reminds you again when she drops you off at the said restaurant.

You chuckled at her, “Yes, Mom.” you answered sarcastically.

She shoot you glares. “I mean it, y/n.” she said.

You nodded, smiling warmly at her. She nods then waves after wishing you a great night. Your eyes follows her driving car and as it slowly disappear on your sight, your smile fell. Now that she’s not there to comfort you, uneasiness occupies you.

“You can do this, Y/n!” you cheered to yourself before deciding to walk inside.

It is a fine dining and you’re very thankful that Heeseung had bought you these kind of dresses. It fits the vibe so well.

“Reservation, miss?” the girl by the front desk greets you with a smile.

You nodded then returned the smile, lips shaking a little. After she checked which private room your ‘friends’ are, one of the staffs guided you to the room.

It was pretty loud when you arrived. Some greeted you, some can’t recognize you at all. Its been a while after-all.

“Y/n?” one of the girls who used to torment you before stood up from her seat and walks towards you.

Heads whipped to look on your direction, instantly making you uncomfortable. One of her brows raised as she scanned you with so much judgment.

“Nice dress,” a grin forms her red lips. “where did you rent it?” she added with so much sarcasm that made a lot of the people inside laugh.

Your heart cracks while watching them make fun of you. Just like old times. You nibble on your lower lip, smile long gone from your face. Fist balls beside you, air felt like it got stuck on your throat.

“Just joking!” she exclaims, still with that evil grin. Your eyes stares at hers and you know exactly she didn’t say that as a joke.

Her hand grabbed your arm then dragged you towards a table. You tried to halt her, already foreseeing what’s about to happen. But just like before, your mouth kept shut. You felt pathetic. You went here with a mindset that you will show them that you won’t let them make fun of you anymore and yet, here you are... still helpless.

“Guys, its y/n!” she says and forced you to sit down. You didn’t have any chance to resist as everyone on that table gave you their full attention.

Their faces aren’t friendly, same old gazes that pierced right through your soul. You feel sick on the stomach.

“How’s life y/n? Still working on that restaurant?” (name) asks taunting. She’s the most popular girl on your batch and also the meanest one.

She looked pretty and elegant with her branded dress. Her family is kind of well off, mainly why she got away from bullying you throughout high-school. It was always easy for her. Life is always on her favor.

“Gosh! That’s so embarrassing.” the other commented, she’s the one who forced you to sit at this table.

All of them laughed and agrees. You unconsciously roamed your eyes around everyone seated and it caught on Sander. (name) is sat beside him, probably chasing after him like old times. She’s always been head over heels for him.

He’s the most popular guy on your batch and often paired with (name). He has this small smirk on his lips while everyone laughs at you. It was horrible. You didn’t actually had a serious feelings for him, but it was given that almost every girl slightly had a crush on him. He was that hit back then.

You felt small while fidgeting your fingers under the table. Just by looking at them, you realized how it was before. How they used to bully you back in high-school, belittling you for being poor. You hated it. You hated them. You still do.

The mean things they’re saying is too much so you stood up, making all of them look at your way. (Name), cocks her brows and smirks.

“I-I’ll just go to the bathroom.” and you turned around, ready to leave when you suddenly bumped into something—more like someone.

“Going somewhere, baby?” a familiar husky voice asks.

You’re too immersed to how (name) humiliates you that you failed to notice how the other tables grew quiet at the arrival of someone that doesn’t belong there.

The table you’re in slowly grow silent as well, noticing the tall man right in front of you. His toned arms now snaking over your waist to tug you closer to him.

“Hey...” he softly calls when he noticed how stiffed you got. At a slow pace, you lifted your head to see Heeseung’s soft eyes watching you carefully.

He is really here. You felt your heart swells and finally you felt safe. Your hand rests at his chest, lips shakes because of too much emotion.

“L-Lee Heeseung?” one girl exclaims, totally astounded by his presence.

Some of the men on that table look thrilled as well. They knew him, everyone in this room does. They know his power and influence.

He didn’t spare that girl any glance and just focused on you. His jaw clenches after noticing how you’re shaken up. It didn’t took him long to put piece and piece together. He understands what’s happening right away.

He roamed his icy glares over to the people occupying your table. One by one, like as if trying to remember each and everyone of them. The look on their face instantly changes, some even looked pale.

“U-Uhm,” (name) looked really scared. You’ve never seen her this way. And you’re not gonna lie, its a pleasure to your eyes.

“Lee Heeseung, wow!” Kent, one of your batchmates. He’s not particularly mean to you before, but he does laugh from time to time.

And there’s this one time where he offers for you to date him and got mad when you refused. Saying that you’re just a nobody and how dumb you are for actually saying no to him.

“Nice to meet you, man! Come on, sit down first.” he offers enthusiastically and even pulled the chair beside yours.

Heeseung stood still and quiet. People easily got intimidated. He heaved a sigh and you know he’s about to start saying something, but you beat him to it.

“We’ll be g-going.” you announced lowly. You aren’t even sure if they heard. Some whipped their heads at you with a look of disbelief on their faces.

(name) stares at you with a confused and a bit annoyed look on her pretty face. And with all the courage left on you, you said, “My boyfriend and I will leave now.”

Heeseung got stoned on his position when he heard that. Thankfully, you grabbed him by his arm then dragged him out of there. Normally, you wouldn’t be able to do it. But since you definitely caught him off-guard, you managed to drag Lee Heeseung out of there.

You can feel everyone’s eyes darted at the two of you and the whole room remains quiet as you take your leave. That doesn’t matter. You just want to get out of that place.

“Wait,” he halts and instantly, you stopped too. He held your arm then yanked you back near his body.

“Hold on, baby.” he licks his lips then blinks multiple times. “Let’s talk.”

Thankfully, you’re already by the parking lot. A few people are around, but its better them than those people inside.

You noticed a few familiar vehicles of Heeseung’s men along with his expensive sports car that he often used whenever picking you up.

“I j-just want to get out of here, please.” your pleading and tear stained eyes broke Heeseung. He wanted so bad to ruin those people inside. Everyone who made fun and even the bystanders. He doesn’t care. He will make sure they will pay for making you cry. For making his baby upset.

His large hands cupped your cheeks, “We will.” he huffs, calming himself. “I just need to confirm something.”

You kept your stare right at him, waiting for what he’s going to ask. You already knew what it was and initially, you planned on telling it to him in a different situation.

But it was already clear as a daylight. You love Lee Heeseung and ever since he was around, he always made you feel so special. Like you aren’t just someone. That you actually have value and that you don’t just exist in this world... you have a place here.

“Baby, I’m your what again?” he asks, very eager to hear those words from you again.

His brain already short circuited the first time you said it and he highly doubts it wouldn’t happen on the second time. Specially now that you are alone with him.

“My boyfriend.” you answered confidently.

Heeseung heart races and he felt like fireworks bursted inside his chest. He’s undescribably happy about it. He blinked mutliple times.

“You didn’t say that to only escape that place, right?” he asks, a little nervous. It amused you. You never knew this mafia boy is even capable of having that kind of emotion.

You let out a sigh and held his arm, caressing it softly. Then you gave him this assuring smile.

“No. That’s why I didn’t even ask you to come here. I don’t want you to think that I’m just using you.”

His eyes softens even more, if that’s even possible. Heeseung just loves you so deeply that the thought of being used by you doesn’t even bothered him. It's fine, as long as you’ll want him beside you. He’ll take anything just to be close to you.

Then your loving gaze turns into a glare.

“What are you even doing here?” you ask like a cop interrogating a suspect.

He smirks, “I missed you so I asked somebody to check on you... it happens that you’re heading to this event.” he chuckles. “I thought I could pay you a visit just to check if some guys would try to hit on you.” and he even raised an eyebrow.

You scoffed then rolled your eyes, “As if! You’re the one who walked there looking like a snack! You probably caught the attention of the pretty girls at that table!”

His eyes sparkles, “Really?”

Your face turned sour then you gave him a bashful look.

“Did I really caught your attention?” he asks, sounding a bit excited.

You got confused then let out a big sigh when you realized he got it wrongly.

“Heeseung,” you uttered in a very serious tone that made him stand up straight, giving you his full attention.

You felt your heart thumped louder, feeling nervous now that he’s so focused on you.

“Unlike you, I have nothing special to offer you. I only got a high-school diploma and 20 dollars in my bank account.” you tried to make it sound a joke to ease the tension because he’s staring so intensely.

He kept silent for a while.

“Do you love me?” he suddenly asks that made you all flustered, cheeks and ears turning red.

You blinked then cleared your throat.

“I don’t see how is that relevant in this conversation—”

“Do you love me, Y/n?” he repeated himself, this time even more serious.

You gulpes nervously, getting drawn by his piercing beautiful eyes.

“Yes.” you answered confidently.

He sighs in contentment and smiles gently. His eyes glisten with so much happiness that it made you wonder why.

“Then that’s good enough for me.” he stated that melts your heart instantly.

He took a step closer, making your bodies touch. Cupping your face once again then rest his forehead on yours.

“I love you, Hee.” you suddenly said that made his heart leap in joy.

Heeseung is in trance. He never knew that he’s capable of feeling all these things towards one person. He has no regrets pursuing you. If anything, he’s very much willing to do it again and again.

“I love you even more, y/n.” he whispers then kisses your forehead, then your nose and then pulls away slightly to look you in the eyes.

“You just made me the happiest man alive.” and he leans in for the much awaited kiss.

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[bangtanintotheroom]

Just Like Candy (M)(Teaser)

She's just like candy, she's so sweet

But you know that it ain't real cherry, know that it ain't real cherry

🔊 candy - doja cat (spotify | soundcloud) 🔊

• Pairing: S.Coups x (F)Reader

• Genre: Non-Idol!AU, Strangers to Lovers, Smut

• Rating: 18+

• Words (teaser): 583

• Summary: Following a breakup, Seungcheol is looking for a distraction for the night. You catch his eye with your red lips and the rest is history.

• Warnings/themes: mentions of a breakup, sulky Cheol 🥲, drinking, swearing, one night stand, flirting, making out, dirty talk, handjobs, fingering, oral (m. and f. receiving), c*me swallowing, strength kink, manhandling, hint of begging

• Notes: Yes, yes, I know. "There goes AJ falling for another leader!" I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! SO WHAT IF I LIKE A RELIABLE MAN HUH, HUH 🤬 *deep breaths* Anyways. Just enjoy me starting to simp for Mr. Coups and watch as I slowly become a Carat over time 😊

• Teaser Notes: Teasers are a WIP and will not fully reflect the final draft, warnings and themes are subject to change. If you want to be tagged when the final draft is released, either leave a reply or shoot me an ask! PLEASE HAVE YOUR AGE PRESENT IN YOUR BIO OR YOU WILL NOT BE TAGGED.

• Taglist: @minttangerines @minisugakoobies @kiestrokes @swga-ficrecs @hyunjinsjeans @firesighgirl

Reminder that I have a permanent taglist if you're interested in all future fics I post!

“Yah, is he on his phone again?”

Wonwoo replied to Seungkwan’s question from the front with, “He sure is.”

Every other occupant groaned in exasperation, Chan peering around him to scold, “Seungcheol-hyung, focus! You’re supposed to have fun with us tonight, not pine over her!”

“Just block her already!”

Seungcheol was quick to snap at Joshua’s quip, “No, because then I’ll look bitter.”

“So?”

Seungkwan turned around in the passenger seat to look directly at him, seeming as if he was about to give the most unhelpful advice ever.

“Hyung, you want my suggestion?”

“No.”

“Too bad. Fuck her feelings, respectfully—” He was quick to throw in that word after the elder’s face began twisting in displeasure. “—she decided to end it and she’s out there living her best life while you’re moping around. Be selfish for once and focus on your well-being!”

Chan joined in, “Exactly! Are you going to let her distract you from having a good time with us tonight?”

The eldest wanted to fight back on instinct, but the more he stewed on his friends’ words, the more he realized that they had a point.

What was the use in getting in his feelings? He’d just end up being the downer of the group and waste the effort they put in to have him get dressed and come out. Even though it had been a while since he went to a party of this size, the tiniest part of him was excited. His ex was the type to avoid get togethers like this, so he often put off the guys’ invites in favor of pleasing her.

But she wasn’t around anymore…

He sighed heavily. Hopefully, he’d be distracted enough that she wouldn’t run through his mind until he got back to his bed and deleted more of their couple pictures.

“No, I’m not.”

“Last chance to back out.”

Seungcheol couldn’t help but knit his brows a bit as he pondered. Was he really about to fool around with a complete stranger?

He didn’t need to see Wonwoo’s flabbergasted expression downstairs to know that this was somewhat out-of-character for him. Even when he was single, getting in bed with someone he had only known for a couple of hours was a thought he never entertained. But this was now and he was, to put it lightly, yearning for some physical contact that would keep him distracted for the night.

And quite frankly, he didn’t want to say no to you.

“Seungcheol?”

The light call of his name brought him out of his thoughts, looking down to see you gazing up with mild concern.

“You alright?”

He was quick to nod and smile reassuringly, replying, “Yes. Sorry, just…got in my head for a bit.”

Your expression eased up, tongue clicking as you gave his hands a squeeze.

“Well, we can’t have any more of that. C’mon.”

You maneuvered Seungcheol around so his back was facing the bed now.

“Quit thinking about your ex and focus.”

“Believe me, I’m trying. I might need a little more help on your end.”

With the hint of encouragement in his voice, it seemed to shift you into a more domineering mood, cherry lips twisting into an undaunted grin while you let go of his hands.

“Of course. Even if it’s for a moment—“ All of a sudden, he felt a push to his chest and found himself falling to the bed before looking up at your salacious smile. “—I’ll make you forget all about her.”

©bangtanintotheroom, 2024. Crossposted to AO3. Do not repost to other sites or copy without permission.

[beenbaanbuun]

Mug w/ Jung Wooyoung

this has been in my drafts for months and i’ve always wondered whether or not i should release it since the material could be triggering to some people. i guess i’ve finally settled on putting it out there, so please heed the warnings before reading it. i don’t want this to affect anyone negatively.

warnings: mentions of past abusive relationships, self doubt, slight dissociation, panic attacks, blood, self harm in the form of skin picking. i think that’s it but please let me know if it’s there’s anything i forgot to mention

——————————————————————————

“I’m not mad,” Wooyoung said, as if that made anything better. The tension was still there, eating you alive from the inside out. So was the guilt.

“But you’re disappointed, right?” You countered, knowing how this sort of thing goes. They tell you they’re not mad, but you have to face the consequences anyway. And there were always consequences.

Wooyoung just stared at you with unreadable eyes. They looked almost pitiful in a way, but why would he pity you for what you’d done? He should be screaming at you, throwing things around just to prove his point. Just to make you submit to him once more. That’s how it normally went for you.

But Wooyoung had been kind up until now. He was a gentle soul who preferred to steer you in the right direction if you ever misstepped. There was never any shouting within the four walls of your relationship, nor was there any placing the blame on you being ‘useless’ or any other such word. He was just… nice.

But there had to be a day when that ended, right? You’d fucked up big time this time and he must’ve realised that his kindness isn’t working by now. He had to know that the only way to get you to learn was by putting you in your place.

“Baby, what’s going on?” You were desperate to answer, fumbling over your words trying to find a suitable answer that would reduce your punishment. Perhaps you could tell him you were sick! That always worked when your last partner was mad at you. It would at least postpone whatever was going to happen for a few days. Wooyoung, just frowned. “Calm down, sweetheart.”

But you couldn’t. You knew this was the breaking point so how could you be calm about such a thing? No matter how gentle Wooyoung had been up until this point, you knew it wouldn’t always stay that way. If you’d been taught anything it’s that you were a bad girlfriend, and the only way to make you good was to hurt you. Fear was a powerful teacher, afterall. Fear wouldn’t let you be so careless about your actions.

It would hurt to say goodbye to this version of Wooyoung, you had to admit, but you always knew it was coming. He couldn’t stay his annoyingly loving self forever because you couldn’t stay well behaved forever. You only had yourself to blame for what was to come, really. Did you even have the right for it to hurt?

No, you decided rather quickly.

Wooyoung stared at you, unsure of what to do as you seemed to completely depart from reality. Your eyes were glazed over as you stared off into the distance, and your fingers picked at one another so bad that it fetched blood. You didn’t flinch as the crimson liquid beaded up on your fingers, though, almost as if it didn’t hurt you at all.

Your breathing was heavy and ragged and Wooyoung could tell you were barely staving off a panic attack. He’d done it often enough himself to know exactly how to recognise it, but for some reason, he didn’t know how to help. Something told him you didn’t want to be touched, but he wasn’t sure of how else to get your attention. He’d been calling your name with no success, but the last thing he wanted was to raise his voice. If he was in the slightest bit angry with you, perhaps he would’ve, but he wasn’t. Not at all.

He spared a quick glance towards the trash can, his favourite mug resting at the top in shards. It was really the only one he used, the weight of it just feeling… right. You’d bought it for him when you first started dating a few months ago and although the saying on it made him cringe a little, he’d learnt to love it. Of course, he was sad to see it go, but it was only a mug. He could always get another one. It wouldn’t be the same, but then again, was anything ever the same as the thing it replaced? And you never know, maybe he’d end up preferring whatever mug he got to replace it.

With a sigh, he turned back to you. There were bigger issues to deal with than a mug. You were still barely keeping away a panic attack and your blood from your fingers starting to smear grotesquely across your hands. He briefly wondered where he kept his first aid kit before realising that too was a problem for later.

“Sweetheart,” he mumbled as he walked closer. He didn’t lay a hand on you but instead spread his arms as if he were herding a scared animal. He felt stupid doing it, but you started to back up and eventually landed upon his sofa. He tried to ignore the pang of pain that shot through his chest when he thought too deep about the implications of the situation, but it was hard when you were backing away from him like he was going to hurt you.

Oh.

His stomach lurched and for a moment he was sure he was going to throw up. He begged for it not to be true, but it fit way too perfectly not to be.

Someone had hurt his baby.

Wooyoung couldn’t help the rage that filled him from head to toe.

He wanted to scream, and throw things, just to get his rage out, but he couldn’t. To risk scaring you even more would be a cruel thing for him to do. Even if he were sure it would make him feel just a little more calm, he couldn’t bear to think of doing anything that would make you afraid of him. He simply had to hope that his anger would eventually peter out, and he wouldn’t be reminded of it every time he looked at you.

Deep breaths, he told himself as he took himself over to the sofa to sit beside you. One in, he shuffled closer so he was almost pressed up against you. You shuddered and Wooyoung frowned, but he didn’t move away. He couldn’t move away.

One out, he said your name in the softest voice he could muster, finally bringing you out of the trance you’d found yourself trapped in. He wondered why this time it worked when all of the other times you ignored him. Perhaps it was his proximity. It was a long shot, but perhaps you felt a little safer with him so close.

One in, he asked if you could hold you in his arms.

One out, you gave him a shaky nod and crawled into his lap. He hated to think that you were only doing it because you thought he’d be mad otherwise, so he let you know that you didn’t have to.

You did it anyway.

“Sweetheart, I need you to tell me that you understand that I’m not angry,” he whispered into your ear, wrapping his arms around you tightly. When he was fresh out of a panic attack, he always liked pressure. With the way you seemed to go limp, he assumed you felt the same. “Not disappointed either. It’s a mug, baby.”

“Your mug,” you replied as if that made your reaction seem any more normal, “I broke your favourite mug.”

Wooyoung sighed. Whilst it was the truth, it was nothing to be angry over. He wondered how many times he’d have to clarify that to you before you understood? Whatever. It didn't matter. He’d tell you as many times as you needed to hear it, just as long as you knew you were safe.

“We’ll it’s only my favourite because my favourite person got it for me,” not a complete lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. For some reason, though, he felt as though ‘it was a nice weight in my hands’ wouldn’t have been so effective in trying to get you to calm down.

“But I bought you that mug?” His heart broke a little, but he couldn't let that show. He refused to give you another reason to throw mental punches at yourself.

“Well then, I guess that makes you my favourite person.”

There was silence for a few seconds as you considered his words. There was no trace of a lie in his voice, but you still found it hard to believe that he was telling the truth. He was surrounded by so many wonderful people who didn’t fuck up nearly as often as you did, and yet he still chose you to be his favourite? You doubted it, but you would never call Wooyoung a liar.

“And I want my favourite person to know that I would never do anything to hurt them,” he continued, voice suddenly a little more solemn, “because why would I ever want to hurt someone as lovely and precious as you?”

“I’m not lovely,” you hid your face in his neck, partially to cover the blush, partially because you were afraid of what may come at the inadvertent accusation. He merely chuckled, bringing a hand to cup the back of your head.

“Yes you are, you little liar,” a kiss, warm and chaste, was placed to your temple, “and I don’t know how anyone could ever tell you you’re anything less than the most wonderful person to ever walk this planet. You’re so kind and thoughtful and even if you do mess up sometimes, that’s okay because you’re human.”

You just nodded into his neck, no longer wanting to deny his compliments. Even if they were just being used to butter you up, you let them sink in. As long as they came from Wooyoung’s mouth, you told yourself you would believe them, for his sake. He’d yet to prove himself to be anything but a good boyfriend, the least you could do was believe him.

“I love you,” he mumbled into your hair, “so incredibly much.”

“I love you too, Woo.”

“Will you let me patch you up?” He asked, pointing at your fingers but placing his hand over your chest where your heart was beating deep within. You couldn’t know for certain that this relationship would be different, but the look in Wooyoung’s eyes made you feel like you could trust him. It would be a long process, you knew that, but you knew he would put in the work.

You knew that he could make you feel safe.

[lookismfanfics]

𝐁𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐬

Note: I have a couple of requests that I’m still working on in my drafts, which I’m very excited about, but this idea came to me and I figured I’d release some fluff while I can~ ♡︎

Warnings: Fluff, mentions of abuse, implied nudity (sfw), mentions of violence, blood, mild cursing. James’ is angsty and went off track of being “fluffy” and “bubble bath-y”.

Warren • Eli • Olly • Vasco • Jerry • Brad • James • Samuel

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧

🝮 You rap your knuckles lightly against the bathroom door, staring down at the grimy wood floor.

🝮 “Can I come in?”

🝮 There’s a pause before Warren replies. You hear the water churning, and listen as he heaves a shaky sigh

🝮 “Yeah… come in.” His voice is slightly muffled, but you swing open the door anyway

🝮 You would’ve never pictured yourself in this situation. Never in a million years.

🝮 You stare at Warren, eyes quickly glossing over his tightly formed muscles covered in bruises, making your way to his side in the dingy bathtub.

🝮 Warren sits still, avoiding eye contact as you squeeze more soap into the water.

🝮 “This was the only stuff I could find,” you say apologetically, pouring in a good portion of the bubbles

🝮 Soon the dank hotel bathroom smells like honeysuckle and the tub is filled with sudsy puffs of foam.

🝮 Warren closes his eyes, turning his face away from you.

🝮 His attempts to hide the hue of color rising to his cheeks fails, and you will away the smirk that threatens to form at the sight.

🝮 You and Warren are only in that broken down hotel because A, it’s the only place you could afford, and B, he was running away again.

🝮 Max and Derek were off on their own… Warren lost track of them after their first encounter with the police.

🝮 So here you were, sitting with Warren in a cheap hotel, tending to him after he got himself in another fist fight.

🝮 “Another win?” You ask, wetting your washcloth with the warm water.

🝮 Warren nods, finally looking at you. You’re perched on the side of the tub, a concerned expression adorning your features.

🝮 Warren feels a hollow drop in his stomach, feeling exposed beneath your heavy gaze.

🝮 Your thumbpad rubs slow circles against his jaw as the both of you fight off embarrassment, your warm fingers soothing your pounding hearts

🝮 The washcloth dabs away at the blood on his neck as you slowly clean off his cuts and scrapes.

🝮 “How long (do I have to stay with) you (in this) stupid (place?)” he grumbles, feeling a touch of guilt for dragging you into his mess and forcing you into this awkward situation.

🝮 Why are you suddenly looking at him like that?

🝮 “Warren I don’t think you finished your sentence…” you glare, wiping away at the dry blood on his pectorals.

🝮 “(Oh…) sorry.”

🝮 Warren’s face continues to heat up with embarrassment as your eyes roam over his body. You yourself feel your cheeks growing warm.

🝮 “Once I finish up we should head to bed. I’ll take you to Hostel in the morning,” you murmur quietly.

🝮 Warren stares at the foamy bubbles, his expression gone blank

🝮 The warm water, earthy smell, and gentle scrubs slowly melt him as he relaxes into the tub.

🝮 You wash off the bloody towel in the sink, glancing over at Warren’s athletic form.

🝮 “…It was bad again… wasn’t it?” You ask quietly, ringing out the cloth with pruned hands.

🝮 You aren’t talking about the street fight.

🝮 Warren subconsciously closes his legs, his hands moving to his thighs and mindlessly drawing foamy bubbles closer to himself

🝮 “(Well) he was mad (about the runaway thing). He got on me for (not finishing) my sentences.”

🝮 You nod, approaching Warren once again.

🝮 Your hands move over his body tenderly, scrubbing him down with a gentle touch.

🝮 The sweet-smelling bubbles float into your face and hair, curtesy of Warren “accidentally” splashing you.

🝮 You assume most of the bruises below his waistline are from the caretaker… and are sure to be gentle as you scrub down there

🝮 The dank bathroom, filled with the warm smell of honeysuckle, is where Warren drifts off to sleep. You use the towel to ruffle his hair and help him out of the bath. All those foamy bubbles are down the drain.

𝐄𝐥𝐢

🝮 “Eli you should take a bath…” you had told him.

🝮 He had been sitting on the couch, staring up at the ceiling while he rubbed at his arms and legs.

🝮 “It’s okay, I already showered. I’m more sore than I am dirty,” he looked at you, smiling tersely.

🝮 You deadpanned, and gave him a how-could-you-be-so-stupid look.

🝮 You told him the facts: taking a warm bath would help sooth his aching muscles, and that he should try it if he wanted some relief.

🝮 He was a real lazy-teen-dad about it until you started running the water. 🥔

🝮 “Too late to turn back now, bro.” You crossed your arms and smirked. (Sally was very proud of you)

🝮 So that’s how you ended up here…

🝮 You’re looking through the cabinets, avoiding looking behind you as Eli lays naked in the hot tub, most likely giving you a dead glare.

🝮 You look for the bubble bath solution- the athletic soap that you had given Warren for Christmas.

🝮 It’s not there… and the only alternative you can find is…

🝮 “Yenna will be so pleased…” you grimace, squeezing more of the baby-bubble solution into the tub.

🝮 It smells almost unnatural- like baby powder or something.

🝮 Eli doesn’t seem to notice. He leans his head back against the tile, closing his eyes in contentment.

🝮 You avoid staring until the suds of bubbles have completely covered his lower areas. After all, you gotta be polite around Big Daddy.

🝮 On your knees, you kneel down beside Eli, scrubbing at his shoulders with your soapy washcloth

🝮 You don’t notice, but he opens his eyes to look at you

🝮 Eli has always seen you from a special perspective. That’s what how he pictures as you lean over him, hands gently and meticulously rubbing up and down his biceps; his eyes dark but soulful, watching you as though someday he’s going to loose you… and if he blinks you might disappear; you’re special.

🝮 You feel the damp warmth of of his hand cupping the back of your neck, prompting you to catch Eli’s gaze.

🝮 He’s barely a breath away, his lips closer to your face than you can remember.

🝮 “(Y/N)…”

🝮 The door creaks open.

🝮 Your sandals slip on the wet floor.

🝮 A spray of bubbles and bath water accompany your splash as you flip into the tub

🝮 Eli: 😨😳🫣

🝮 You: 😶‍🌫️

🝮 Sally: 😲

🝮 Sally slams the door shut, apologizing profusely, leaving you and Eli helpless in the bathtub.

🝮 “I’m so sorry! Sorry! I was just coming to bring you Warren’s bath soap!”

🝮 Eli casts you a sharp glance, evidently embarrassed and trying desperately to redirect his attention.

🝮 “(Y/N)… whose soap is this…?” 🫧

𝐎𝐥𝐥𝐲

🝮 You kneel down by the side of the tub awkwardly, placing the container of bubble bath solution on the base.

🝮 “Does it feel nice?” Is the only lame remark that comes to your mind.

🝮 Olly is oddly quiet, leaning his head back onto the wall and absorbing in the steam.

🝮 “Feels awesome!”

🝮 You smile, once again feeling awkward, mindlessly poking your finger into the water.

🝮 ❗️

🝮 “OUCH! OLLY-!” You yank your finger out from the piping hot water, wiping the flushed tip against your shirt.

🝮 He looks at you, startled, his emotions a flurry of turmoil

🝮 “What the hell?!” He exclaims

🝮 You shoot him a sharp glance, turning down the water knob to a colder setting

🝮 “That water is burning hot Big Daddy…” you murmur, sliding your fingers into the water to check the temperature.

🝮 Olly doesn’t say anything; he wordlessly grabs the soap and bath bomb dunks it into the cooler water.

🝮 “I mean I knew it was hot! I’m not that stupid-!” He laughs, splashing you with the newly formed suds of bubbles

🝮 They smell like herbs… but you turn your nose up in disgust nonetheless

🝮 “You just couldn’t tell it was burning your skin?” You ask, grabbing his pink-washed arm and scrubbing with the bath sponge.

🝮 He nods, using his free hand to push back the dreadlocks that fall onto his forehead.

🝮 “Please wash your hair—”“Nope!”

🝮 More puffs of bubbles launch into the air as Olly flicks water at you, “You’re such a buzz-kill! It pisses me off!”

🝮 You glare at him steely. However… you’re aware violence won’t work on him… and you’re technically below him in the ranks.

🝮 “…Can you stop training with that guy? He’s not teaching you proper hygienics.”

🝮 Olly grows silent, sinking into the foamy water with a quiet “shut up…”

🝮 You wipe off the dry blood from the dips and grooves in his toning muscles, ever-so-gently.

🝮 Olly knows that his body is temporary— he’s wasting it imprudently and he needs to be more careful. But it confuses him as to why you, of all people, are so gentle with him.

🝮 Even if your touch feels dull and light against his skin; he can sense you treat him gingerly, like he’s fragile or something. (Which he is… and he knows it.)

🝮 He catches your eyes roaming freely down his tattered body, ogling at the bruises and scratches that would’ve winded a normal person.

🝮 He splashes you with more bubbles.

🝮 Why do you have to be so serious all the time?!

🝮 It’s killing the mood…

🝮 And it’s making him blush.

𝐕𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐨

🝮 You walk into the bathroom and it smells like peaches.

🝮 The tub is already filled, and you’ve already inserted the bath-bomb. The surface of the water is dyed orange and cream; little bubbles hide in the corners of the tub.

🝮 “You can get in now,” you call. “The water’s ready.”

🝮 You remain squatted by the side of the tub, but your eyes are glued to the ground. You’re not looking up, no matter how much you may or may not want to. Vasco made you swear it.

🝮 You hear his bare feet slap against the bathroom tiles, and listen as he sucks in an awed breath.

🝮 “That’s what the bathbomb does?” His voice sounds deep and monotonous, but you can sense his radiating excitement. Knowing Vasco, he’s probably flushed with pleasure.

🝮 “Uh huh. Hop on in.”

🝮 He’s sweet… he didn’t want to embarrass you by flaunting his impressive physique around the bathroom without any clothes on.

🝮 And yet you sit there by his side, pouring soap onto a bath sponge, clearly still embarrassed.

🝮 Once he’s actually in the tub, and the colored water has completely covered the things you aren’t allowed to see… it’s smooth sailing.

🝮 Euntae eases into the tub, dozing off and relaxing. You can’t help but smile; you had been absolutely right when you told him that he’d like it.

🝮 He was more sore than usual, apparently, so you had suggested an ice bath or a hot soak. Jace agreed… as long as you took care of the whole thing.

🝮 “I’m not the one he’s in love with,” he waved dismissively, smirking in satisfaction with the way you grew silent.

🝮 “Jace he loves you more than he loves me…” you had insisted, but it was no use.

🝮 Vasco turns to you, a goofy smile on his face, his expression tender.

🝮 “Do you wanna get in with me?” “Euntae!”

🝮 You flick water at him, shaking your head defiantly, trying to hold back your smile.

🝮 “Do you?” His smile only broadens.

🝮 You shrug, lazily splashing more water in his direction.

🝮 Who would’ve guessed that one move would be the downfall of your peaceful bath.

🝮 Vasco, in short, still hasn’t mastered the art of restraint when it comes to water fights.

𝐉𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲

🝮 The door into the sitting room opens, and you quickly sweep your eyes around for anyone nearby.

🝮 Surely the world hates you. You grimace, opening the door fully to face the wrath of Big Deal’s number three, four, and six.

🝮 You walk with feigned confidence over to the grocery bag near the table, rummaging through the inside anxiously.

🝮 Brad and Lineman watch you from the couch; The former sets his drink down to observe you better. Neither of them say anything, but they draw Jason’s attention to you.

🝮 “What’re you doing?” he asks accusingly, effectively halting your movements with little to no effort.

🝮 “I’m trying to find the soap…” you reply offhandedly, keeping your eyes on the bag as you finally find the container.

🝮 “Who needs soap?” Brad chimes in with a tone leagues less intimidating than Jason’s.

🝮 “Uh- Jerry,” you answer nonchalantly, straightening up with a blank expression.

🝮 As usual, the subject of Jerry Kwon is one you handle with calculated disinterest. You don’t smile when you mention him, you keep your expression indifferent and make an effort not to appear otherwise.

🝮 And yet, somehow, even Brad and Lineman get the impression that there’s more to it than that.

🝮 Jason in particular sees straight through your bluffs, eyeing you steely with a hint of annoyance. He’s guessed there’s more to your feelings for Big Deal’s number two than meets the eye.

🝮 But can he call you out on it? No.

🝮 “What does he need soap for?” he quips, crossing his legs and staring at you expectantly.

🝮 “He’s taking a bath…?” Once again, you regulate the amount of emotion you express. You don’t show the slightest hint of giddiness of embarrassment.

🝮 “Anyways, I’m off guys~ Jerry needs me.”

🝮 And with that you leave the room, swinging the door shut behind you and making your way towards the bathroom.

🝮 You knock courteously, but before he can answer you’ve opened the door and thrown the bottle of soap across the bathroom. You hear it plop into the water; your eyes are squeezed shut as you close the door behind you.

🝮 “Pour it all in, okay? I’m not opening my eyes until the bubbles are all sudsy.”

🝮 Jerry just sits there with the canister of bubble bath soap in his hands, his large body feeling uncomfortable and cramped in the dingy bathtub, blood still trickling down his forearms. He’s frozen for a solid thirty seconds… and then he obeys

🝮 You don’t look until you feel a damp foam land on your nose, and your eyes shoot open.

🝮 Jerry looks innocent, pretending he totally-did-not-just-splash-you-with-bubbles. You rub your nose, glaring playfully.

🝮 “You just let the kids hit you?” You ask quietly, readying the washcloth in the sink. In your peripherals you catch Jerry nodding.

🝮 “I didn’t want to hurt them. I think they were on something…”

🝮 You smile musingly; typical Jerry. You toss the washcloth at him to use, preparing another one for yourself.

🝮 For the next half hour or so you sit by his side, wiping away at the scrapes and bruises on his arms and on his knuckles.

🝮 Do you both feel incredibly shy? Yes. Who wouldn’t feel shy when they’re in a room with the biggest hunk who happens to be naked. And besides, Jerry is Jerry. What’s not to feel flustered about? And who wouldn’t feel shy, being in the bathtub completely naked with arguably the most attractive member of Big Deal? After all… (Y/N) is (Y/N).

🝮 “Talk about puppy love,” Brad laughs, staring down the hallway and listening to the rumble of your voice mingled with Jerry’s.

🝮 Jason rolls his eyes, “They’re messing with Jerry’s head. They should just get a room already.”

🝮 Lineman glances wonderingly between the other two, “How long has this been going on?”

🝮 “Forever.”

𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐝

🝮 Brad doesn’t know what to think…

🝮 The warm glow of the scented candles littering the room is the only light source in the bathroom. They’re everywhere, scattered against the rim of the tub and across the sink counter.

🝮 A few bubbles float across the transparent water, but he doesn’t complain. He never complained in the first place. He never even asked for this.

🝮 And— there you are again, swinging open the door with a bundle of items in your arms.

🝮 Brad has been watching you bustle in and out for ten minutes…

🝮 You can’t help it, honestly, there’s just a lot of things you had planned and now you’re forgetting everything 😔

🝮 You kneel beside the tub, placing your items on the floor, “Okay, I got a couple different soap brands because I wasn’t sure which scent you’d like… uhm,” you glance up to meet his gaze

🝮 Brad just stares at you, listening attentively with a slight furrow in his brow. You quickly look down again, unable to maintain eye contact at the moment.

🝮 “So… yeah. I also brought some bath bombs— they’ll just color the water and stuff. And then here’s the sponge and-”

🝮 “(Y/N)…?” He interjects uncertainly, “Why are you so nervous?”

🝮 Ugh… oh well

🝮 You shrug, keeping your gaze fixated on the floor

🝮 Brad’s damp finger drags beneath your chin to meet your eyes, concern washed over his features.

🝮 Rizz 🕺

🝮 “I knew Big Deal’s (Y/N) (L/N) was a bit overrated… but I never figured they were a downright tomato.”

🝮 “I don’t blush you twerp!” You smack the side of his head

🝮 Brad just sinks into the water, a lighthearted smile on his lips, clearly smug.

🝮 “Whatever hippo,” you battle off your embarrassment (do I really turn red? Is that possible? With my complexion can you even tell?) and toss in a pink bath bomb

🝮 And for the rest of the time you enjoy your little self-care date; basking in the aroma of the scented candles, soaking in the warmth of the water (or at least Brad does).

🝮 Brad is eventually convinced to turn into Brenda, and gives you a manicure

𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬

🝮 The bathroom is small and steamy.

🝮 It’s a three-in-one… hair, body, and bubble bath. It claims to calm and smooth children, and apparently smells like lavender.

🝮 That’s the soap you pour into the tub anyways, even if lavender isn’t his favorite scent.

🝮 Soon the fluffy white bubbles are dyed rustic red, and the water turns a light copper. The shower head sprays water into his sweaty flop of hair; trails of blood and water wash down the sides of his sickeningly blank face.

🝮 You turn off the shower, facing him with a sigh.

🝮 James Lee just sits there, returning your gaze with an expression of pure boredom.

🝮 His messy array of red hair blends in perfectly with the blood staining his hands. You kneel beside him, grabbing a washcloth and beginning to scrub away at the metallic liquid.

🝮 “How much of it is yours…?” you ask

🝮 “Do you really wanna know?”

🝮 A smirk ghosts his lips; all of James’ flamboyance and arrogance summed up in a single move.

🝮 You had already concluded that was the case. Most of the blood wasn’t his own.

🝮 You feel awkward— pampering him even if he had been busting up thugs a few minutes ago. James doesn’t seem to mind, or care really, about the attention you’re giving him.

🝮 The foamy bubbles, dim romantic lighting, and calming aroma differ drastically with the actual situation.

🝮 You scrub across James’ toned chest and up to his tense neck, dragging a trail of soap and water across his damp skin. He watches you intensely, searching for something you’re seemingly unaware of.

🝮 The mood is somber; the tension thick; you want very badly to rush out of the room

🝮 You’re still confused as to what James wants from you. After all, he didn’t seem to show any interest or concern for anyone but himself. He had rescued you from some assaulters— but not to benefit you. He had done in for “kicks.” Excitement. Thrill. Something? So why was James keeping you around? Did he want friendship? An alliance? Or maybe you were just missing a hint. Maybe you’re being stupid.

🝮 His nonchalance, disinterest, and callous demeanor meant something, didn’t they? He was using you… but he wasn’t interested in you… right?

🝮 James Lee was so stupidly confusing. You tried connecting the dots to his end goal. You tried searching for his objective. And so far you couldn’t find anything.

🝮 You followed him because he told you to. He confided in you because you said he could.

🝮 Somehow you couldn’t reach a conclusion as to what your relationship was with this red-headed hotspur.

🝮 Maybe it was the heat that was driving you delusional. Or the lavender scent was too strong, and it was messing with your head.

🝮 You retracted your hand from its place against James’ back, laying the washcloth against the rim of the tub.

🝮 His dark eyes follow your movements, his focus solely on you.

🝮 “What do you want James? All you seem to care about is fighting and conquering… and all I seem to be to you is another string attached to your victory-parade.”

🝮 It’s a serious question.

🝮 Depending on how he answers, you’re more than willing to pack it up and head home right here and now.

🝮 James, the arrogant jerk, turns away from you and sinks into the water.

🝮 He takes a second to think and closes his eyes, stupidly long lashes resting almost angelically on his cheeks

🝮 “You aren’t part of my victory-parade, conquering-sham, or whatever you wanna call it. You just happened to get involved.”

🝮 You pause before countering, “So then I’m really just a string attached. This… doesn’t mean anything.”

🝮 James opens his eyes, turning his angular face towards you, damp red fringe sticking to his forehead. He looks handsome. Always has.

🝮 A wolffish smirk spreads across his face; it’s an expression that will be the death of you. “I never said that, or even implied it. You’re different ‘cause you’re my (Y/N).”

🝮 You feel a drop to your stomach.

🝮 James has never called you by your first name.

I really bopped off with this one— whoopsies. 💅 I get the feeling like I should write out their whole story… should I? 👉👈

𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐞𝐥

🝮 It smells expensive.

🝮 That’s the only way you can describe it… in simpler terms.

🝮 Samuel’s broad, inked shoulders lean against the tub, surrounded by clouds of bubbles. He looks like a mangled fallen angel.

🝮 Dried blood stains his battered body, and yet he smells like expensive shampoo. It’s a suave, clean smelling scent that your mind automatically associates with Samuel Seo.

🝮 You rub down his tightly formed abs, dabbing at the reddened bruises that nestle into the curves of his body. Soap suds follow your strokes; your careful movements lulling Samuel into a deeper sleep.

🝮 His grip on the glass of expensive beer slowly starts loosening as his large, warm hands begin reaching for your hair.

🝮 Samuel is definitely holding back a flood of snarky comments… you can tell he’s itching to complain to you about something.

🝮 But as usual, you swat his hand away and press your fingers to his lips.

🝮 “I don’t wanna hear anything.”

🝮 His brows furrow angrily and you can tell he’s ready to snap at you. You simply rub more bubbles across his chest, and continue cleaning off his injuries.

🝮 “Well it’s not like I was gonna apologize anyway.”

🝮 His expression reverts back to nonchalance, masking the intolerance that brims just below the surface.

🝮 Giving Sammy a bubble bath after he heaved himself into his penthouse, looking like a bloody mess, was not how you wanted to be spending your evening. You didn’t even bother to hide it in your mannerisms.

🝮 But of course, as Samuel rubs thumb across your engagement ring, he’s assured that you won’t hold a grudge for too long

🝮 You always tell him to “let it go” 🙄

🝮 So to contradict yourself would be hypocritical… and Samuel couldn't have that.

🝮 Sudsy bubbles spurt into the air as he drags you into the bathtub.

🝮 It might not fix all your issues… but at least it lessens the tension

🝮 Or that’s what Samuel tells himself—

🝮 If you’re gonna force him to soak in a bubble-infested tub that smells like women’s perfume then he’s gonna force you to go through it with him

Part 2 with Zack, Johan, and whoever y’all want? Ask me ^_^

[eepwriting]

One More ✶ IV x GN! Reader

Warnings: nsfw, smut, thigh riding, overstim, fingering, intercourse

To the anon who requested thigh riding, praise + overstim with ivy: I was in the middle of writing this and accidentally posted it instead of saving it to my drafts…so I had to delete that shit lol I’m so sorry. Anyway, this is for youuu! I hope you can still find it + thank you for the request 🤍

!! mdni !!

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“Hop on. You can help yourself.”

It took you a second to register what he just said.

“You can pretend I’m not even here. Hm, how about that?” He reaches for your hand, his covered mouth pressing to the back of your hand, leaving gentle kisses. When you don’t answer he looks at you with impatient eyes and taps his thigh. “C’mon.”

You shift in your seat before standing to remove your bottoms. One leg bends and comes to sit in between his thighs, the other resting beside him, his thigh now caged between your legs. “See? That’s wasn’t so hard was it?” His hands grip your hips. “Now, I’ll sit here, and you do whatever you want.” His eyes are relaxed as he lets his head fall against the couch cushions.

You blush. The way he’s speaking to you, demanding yet calm. The way his hands are ever so slightly guiding your hips back and forth over his thigh. All of it makes your brain fuzzy.

You take a deep breath before firmly pressing down on his thigh, your hips slowly rolling forward then rocking back. You can’t help but let out a whine, the friction feeling like a reward after the yearning you’d felt all day. Your pace quickens slightly.

“Mm, that feel good?” His hands grip tighter as he flexes his thigh. You give him a weak nod. “Oh yeah? You look so pretty up there using my thigh like that.” You whine out at his words, one hand landing on his shoulder, the other gripping the back of his neck. You lean over him, your lower half, having developed a mind of its own. Hips snapping back and forth, your own thighs, closing and opening as you push yourself harder down on his leg.

IV’s hand shoots up to pull his mask up and over his chin and mouth before he grips your jaw, bringing your mouth to his. He kisses you, deep and slow. You moan into his open mouth and grip the back of his neck tighter. He pulls away slightly “Tell me how you feel baby. You like riding my thigh like this?” He’s bouncing his leg now, looking up at you through his lashes, his hands gripping your hips even tighter.

You let out a breathy yes and a quick nod. “You feel so good baby. So good.” You moan out, your eyes squeezing shut. Your release is so close you can almost taste it. You take notice of the way iv’s hips slightly buck up towards you, the way his hard cock is straining the denim of his black jeans. Everything combines into the perfect mixture, aiding that knot in your lower half to finally unravel. Your head rolls back, a cool flash starts at the top of your head, crashing down your body before settling between your legs.

“There you go baby. Always so good for me, aren’t you?” He says with a slight groan as he watches you. IV’s hands run up and down your sides as your hips slowly come to a stop. Another whine leaves your mouth as you lean into him, your head on his shoulder. He lets you stay that way for a short while, before wrapping his arms around you, standing up slightly and laying you down on the couch.

He’s standing over you now, his hands making quick work of his belt. “You gonna let me fuck you now? You’ve been asking all day.” He shifts you over on the cushions before straddling your hips, his head coming down to kiss you. His hands roam your neck and chest as he licks into your mouth. Soon his hand finds its way in between your thighs, his fingers lightly rubbing and teasing you.

Your teeth come down on iv’s bottom lip as a whine crawls up from your throat. “Hmmm, easy.” You make a poor effort in shifting yourself away from his hand.

“Shhh, I know baby.” He moves to leave open mouth kisses on your jaw. “You can give me another, can’t you? You asked for this, remember?” His other hand pushing down on your hips, keeping you still.

You let out a guttural moan because he’s right. You have wanted this all day but you’re already so sensitive. You know it’ll take little to no time before you cum again. You can already feel yourself reaching that peak. IV pulls away to sit up, his hand still moving between your legs, faster now. He looks down at you and grabs your hand. “Be good for me baby. Make a mess on my hand, c’mon.”

Your pleasure catches up to you and you feel that familiar feeling again. You can’t help the almost silent cry that leaves you. IV works you through your second orgasm, one hand still working you, the other still gripping your hand. “Oh, good job baby.” He lets out a chuckle as he leans back down to capture your mouth in a sloppy kiss.

His mouth travels down your neck. “One more.” He sits up again, his hand reaching into his boxers, pulling his cock out. He gathers some spit in his hand, pumping himself a few times.

You don’t know if you have another in you, but you can’t bring yourself to push him off. Deep down you want this just as much as he does.

He teases, the head of his cock just barely entering you before he pulls away. He does this multiple times until he finally pushes his full length into you. You moan out, basically on the verge again, having just finished mere minutes ago. “Wait. Wait, just sit there for a second.” You breathe out, your hands gripping his forearms. IV listens, his hips still while his hands rub comforing circles on your hips and stomach.

You give him a slight nod when you’re ready. He pulls out until just his tip is still in you, before burying himself again. A low but long moan leaves him, his head thrown back. “Shit baby. Feels so good when you’re wrapped around me.” He lets out a huff before bringing his hips back and snapping them forward.

Tears prick your eyes, everything feeling overwhelming and sensitive. IV notices and leans down to rest his forehead against yours. He coos at you, peppering kisses on your cheeks and mouth. “You can take it can’t you? You’re doing so good for me.” His thrusts are somewhat harsh and quick, but you can tell he’s loosing himself with the way his breath stutters.

Arms on either side of your head, he picks up his pace. His cock pummeling in and out of you. His whines and moans are gruff and constant.

His hips falter and his breathing becomes shallow and quick. “Where do you want me?” He whimpers. You wrap your legs around his waist, arms around his back and bring him down to you. Your mouth attaches to his in a hungry kiss, occasionally interrupted by moans from both of you. IV’s hips stop when you feel him twitch and release into you.

With him, his sounds and your overall sensitivity, another orgasm washes over you, smaller and weaker this time. Your whole body shudders as you moan out a weak cry into his mouth. You have zero energy left.

You hear a groan from IV before he pulls away from you. “Hm, you okay?” He’s breathless as he cups your face. You nod, on the verge of sleep.

He pulls out of you, before leaving the room in search for a wet cloth. He’s back a short time later, gently cleaning you and himself up. When he’s done he squeezes your hand before slotting himself behind you on the couch. He drapes a blanket over the two of you before wrapping his arms around your waist. “You did such a good job baby, thank you. I knew you could give me one more.” You feel him kiss the side of your face before your heavy eyes close.

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This was so fun to write y’all! Sorry if the ending kinda sucks :/

If you want to see anything in particular, feel free to request.

K. Bye bye.

[darkwaveho]

Damage Control

Summary: You went through hell just to get this vacation, and everything has been going smooth but how long will it last?

Parings: Mob!Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: 18+, violence, fluff, jealousy, hurt -comfort, angst, drug use, alcohol use, bondage, edging, orgasm denial, Oral, fingering, overstimulation, scissoring, tribbing, psychotic le$beans <3

A/n: This shit is long asf lmaoo so if you don't have time to read it in one sitting I would probably wait until you do, buut that's just me idk? never again (unless on A03) anyway, I hope you guys like it and thank you guys for being patient with me. I know I promised this chapter like a year ago but I'm happy to finally post this and get it out of my dusty drafts folder.😂💜

Damage Control Masterlist

During the whole vacation trip Natasha was insatiable, never letting you get an inch before her hands and lips were on you. she fucked you anywhere she could. That whole situation in the warehouse was a wakeup call for her and she would never take you for granted ever again.

“Tashh, enough.” you whine into the pillow she licks a long stripe up the center of your neck before she bites your skin. “That’s not what you said last night.” she drags her lips against your skin and drips her head down to lower each kiss further down your body. “In fact, I believe the words that came out of your mouth was ‘more, don’t stop, more." She mocks you with pride, smirking against your skin as she travels dangerously closer to your covered sex.

“Shut up.” you harshly yank her hair in retaliation. “Shut me up then.” she smirks after she bites your cheek in retaliation and tugs on your panties you move her hand away from the expensive lace. “I’m serious, I still need to get dressed. we both still need to get dressed” you correct yourself and huff beneath her. “We can stay in and go to the club another night.” you roll over on top of her as she was caught off guard. thinking she’s won you over she places her hands on your hips waiting for you to give her what she wants.

“We’re going.” you untangle her hands from your hips and walk into the bathroom to fully dress yourself. “You know you want to; I don’t even know why you’re denying it right now.”

“We’re not staying cooped up here in the penthouse tonight, Tash. we already missed our dinner reservations.”

“Well, whose fault is that? you’re wearing my favorite set. what’d you expect?”

“I expect you to have some self-control but we both know you don’t know what that is, don’t we?” you snap back at her not caring if you bruised her ego or hurt her for bringing the amber thing back up in her face. Okay you haven’t completely forgiven her; you still threw things up in her face any chance you got, and Natasha couldn’t do anything but sit there and take it. she sighs on the bed waiting for you to return from the bathroom.

She checks her phone for any updates on anything back home. nothing out of the ordinary, Yelena bugging her about when you’re coming back because she misses her bestie and Clint dealing with import deals. She also saw a couple of text messages from Melina. Once she saw the mention of his name on her screen, she shut the whole thing down completely. She needed to take her mind off of it. There was no way she was going out tonight, she wouldn’t be up to partying now.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” you stand in front of her on the bed hand placed on your hip annoyance present on your face. say lays there on the silk sheet in her button up blouse that she was too lazy to button up at the moment and no pants. she stands giving you a better view of the lace that pressed against her body. she nears you with hunger and an unwavering gaze. she was mesmerized. staring at you, admiring your beauty. there was also a look on her face that you know too well, something set her off and she needs a distraction, a way to release her emotions.

“Look at you baby, absolutely breathtaking.” she swiftly slides her hand under the tight dress running her hands against your soft skin. “Tash, no. I already said we were going.” you try to remain firm on your plans, she’s done this many times before to sway you into doing what she wanted.

“Please.” you groan from hearing her beg and she knows it’s a weakness of yours. you rarely ever heard her beg. after almost losing you forever she’s wanted nothing more than to keep you to herself in this penthouse. “I’ll make it up to you in the morning, sweet face. We can have our own party right here.” You stand firmly on your decision by unlinking her hands from around your waist. “No, I said we’re going, if you're not downstairs in 10 minutes I’ll just go by myself.” You grab your jacket and make your way to the door.

“You wouldn’t leave me.” She replies with confidence, maybe the old you wouldn’t have but the Amber situation brought things up in a new light you were tired of her shit. You had just as much if not equal power as she did; you were no longer going to let things slide so easily. “I guess you’ll find out in about…” You glance at your phone to view the time. “Seven minutes now.”

Natasha sighs heavily as you leave her alone in the penthouse. She really didn’t feel like going out and maybe she should’ve given you more details about why she had a change of heart but then that meant she had to talk about it. She also didn’t want to spend the remainder of the night alone, so she put the rest of her outfit together, but she didn't rush to finish. Ignoring the time frame, you set for her. She was deliberately ignoring the timeframe you set for her just to remind you of who was still in charge regardless of how sorry she was for her mistake. Natasha is the one calling the shots, at least that’s what she thinks.

She makes her way downstairs coming out of the building as the doorman holds the door open for her. She waits patiently still not seeing the driver's car. She calls you promptly and you let the phone ring on the first call just to be petty. Truth, is you left immediately after you made it downstairs. Telling the driver that you had a change of heart and that you were still going to the club. “Y/n, where are you?” She has to shout into the phone and now it away from her ear as the loud screams and music drum through her ear. “I’m at the club, duh. You took too long.” Natasha goes to yell at you for leaving her. You weren’t even sitting outside for no longer than ten minutes. Her lips part but remain in place as she hears the mentions of body shots. She hears your voice agreeing and cheering on the crowd. “Y/n I swear to god! We’ve been doing so well on vacation, don't do anything stupid to ruin it.”

“It's called having fun Natasha, you could be having fun with me and my new friends right now if you came downstairs in a timely matter.” The only words that seem to register in her head is “new friends” “Listen, very carefully I will leave bodies all throughout this city if I have to, don’t add more deaths to your consciousness.” If Natasha could see your face on the other end of the phone, she would have regretted saying those words to you. She knows how hard you tried staying away from actually getting your hands dirty, not only was Amber a contest reminder of infidelity but a constant reminder that no matter how hard you tried you still had the blood of a killer in you.

“Well, I guess I should tell you to have fun on your Gta rampage then. I’ll see you back at the penthouse.” just as you finish your response the drunken woman you've come really close to in a matter of minutes comes back with your drinks. The only thing Natasha can accurately make out is that it was your turn for body shots. If that meant you licking someone else's body or someone else licking your body, she didn’t know, and she didn't care. It shouldn't be happening. She doesn’t expect the growl to escape her throat as she yells into the phone again, but this level of disrespect was causing her to lose every inch of restraint she's been holding back on this entire trip.

“Y/n!”

“Bye Tash!” You end the call with a muffled laugh as the phone goes dead. Natasha fumes by the curb, the realization of the club music no longer playing on her phone. Your voice filled with excitement. You, having fun without her. Having fun with strangers. Would you be bold enough to get even with her after everything she's doing to show you how sorry she was? Natasha’s not going to stand here and think about scenarios like that. If this is the game you wanted to play, fine she down to play but she won't be holding herself accountable for what comes out of it. Natasha gathers her thoughts and calls a contact to pick her up. As she sits in the vehicle dangerously calm, and stone faced. The inner part of her is excited. Yes, excited to cause a bit of chaos. She’s been loving vacation time with you, but it wasn’t every day that she gets to go on a rampage. The other non-rational devil on her shoulder keeps repeating that you're pushing her to do this. You want her to act this way. You want to see innocent people die and get hurt. One thing Nat is always good for is making your wish come true.

---------------

Natasha swears she made it in record time telling her driver to run every red light that tried to slow her down. Her fast-paced steps hold a rhythm as she searches for you within the dark and crowded room. when she spots you by the bar preparing to lay on the counter the rage overloaded as she stomps her way over to you.

“Did you think that was fucking funny?” she adds more force behind the yanking of your neck. She practically drags you to the corner of the bar before a bystander approaches her for her aggressive actions. "Hey, leave her alone!” She naps her head around to face the person who dared speak to her and inserts herself in her relationship conflicts. “What the fuck did you just say to me?” The man doesn’t back down clearly not knowing who Natasha is and what her level of power was. “You heard what I said.” he reaches for you, thinking that you were actually in danger. You’re too buzzed to actually tell him that everything was okay. That and the fact that Natasha was jealous and angry had you wanting to see how things would play out.

Natasha lands a swift and impactful hit to his throat, crushing his air supply momentarily. As the man holds his neck in pain while coughing up a lung Natasha watches him still not satisfied with the damage. “Fuck!” The man cries out in pain. Always the observant one, Natasha picked up the abandoned glass off the bar and in one swift motion she lodged the shattered piece of glass into the man’s neck. Blood splatters out as the man's face raises in panic, he holds the wound on his neck for dear life desperately trying to keep all the blood from flowing out as much as possible. “You crazy bitch.”

The outburst caused a scene within the club, people yelling and screaming from the escalated fight that just occurred before their very eyes.

“What the hell is going on?” The woman's voice sounds louder than the music and the frantic screams in the club. Natasha turns her head with pinch brows as she recognizes the voice. “Long time no see.” she smirks to the woman and you stand there clueless looking back and forth between the two. “I should've known it was you Romanoff, what the hell are you doing wrecking my club?”

“Relax Sharon, it’s just a flesh wound he’ll be fine.” the blonde woman sighs and brushes it off, calling her worker over to clean up the mess. “Come on, let me show you to the VIP section.” Natasha quickly interjects Sharon’s offer.

“Oh that won't be necessary, we aren't staying anymore since this one wanted to get a rise out of me.” she clenches your forearm as she responds to Sharon, an obvious sign that you really made her mad tonight.

“Oh, come on, you can't come to madripoor unannounced, trash my club and then leave, have some class, Natasha. I mean unless you’re still working under Alexei and have no time for fun, or a social life then never mind.” Sharon pokes fun at her knowing she'd get her to stay at least for an hour by bringing up Alexei’s name. She turns away from you and Natasha and halts when Natasha's voice reaches her ears once more.

“We’ll stay for about an hour or so, my sweet face here already started partying without me.” she reminds you of what you did just to make you feel guilty. For making her lash out like that when this was supposed to be a relaxing time for the both of you to reconnect and just enjoy the sense of a normal relationship vacation trip.

“Ah so this is y/n? Had I known that you were in my establishment I would have treated you to a much more luxurious greeting.” Sharon grasps your hand with the utmost gentle care. “I’m Sharon Carter, nice to finally put a name to a face.” You rarely were involved with Natasha’s business. After what happened to your father you tried to block that part of your life out. So, it shocks you that Natasha would mention your name to someone you haven’t met before. “Sup Sharon.” You reply back to her and shake her hand that hasn’t left yours during this whole interaction. She accepts the greeting and releases your soft hand. Sharon turns to Natasha and motions with a tilted head nod for her to follow.

“So, I can count on you to spend a little more for that outburst you caused earlier?” Sharon speaks over the loud music as she leads you both to the top level of the club.

“Well, that depends.” Natasha shouts back and keeps you pinned to her side to make sure you don’t wander off causing more headaches for her.

“On what?” Sharon questions Natasha's response, only her focus was on you and your inebriated, loopy state. “If you keep making sly touches and glances at my girlfriend ” It takes Natasha to yank you by your clothes for Sharon to bring her attention back to Nat’s unamused glare. Sharon clears her throat and rolls her eyes. “Right, I forgot you’re not big on sharing.”

“Let’s hope you don’t forget that again, for your own sake.” Only Natasha could be this unfazed about making threats to Sharon in her own environment. The remainder of the walk was silent apart from the loud music and passing conversations.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Sharon showed you to the table right above the dance floor. Natasha sat down in the booth and drinks were brought to the table immediately. Natasha didn't say one word to you, she spoke about you as if you weren't sitting right next to her silently begging for her to acknowledge you, touch you, look at you or something.

You start thinking that maybe you went a little too far tonight, but then you remember that she had no right to act this way when she was the one who stepped out on you and this relationship. You throw back a vodka shot and stand from the booth. The sound of the glass firmly slamming against the table brought her attention to you, only this time you weren't really seeking for her anymore and she could sense that. The sudden movement of you standing has Natasha's grip on your wrist in an instant. “Where are you going?” Natasha's grip on your arm for the second time that night did not hold back on the amount of strength she used on you. "The restroom.” you reply back to her with gritted teeth and an annoyed attitude. She raises her eyebrow at the tone of your voice, maybe she’s been too soft with you. Let this be no mistake she was sorry for what she did, and she wanted to do anything to make it up to you, but she would never tolerate this level of disrespect, especially in a public setting. You know better.

The image she possessed was everything to Natasha, it always has been and it always will be. She releases you and turns back to her abandoned drink and lights a cigar. Silently telling you it was Okay to leave from the vip section. Sharon comes back to the vip section not expecting you to be absent. “Where’s your troublemaker?” She sits down across from Natasha casually fixing the cuffs of her suit jacket.

“What do you want, Carter?” Natasha takes the cigar out of her mouth as smoke fills the area. “Well, I wouldn’t be a businesswoman if I didn’t at least try to tempt you into something, now, would I?” Natasha doesn’t even hesitate with an answer. “No.” Sharon’s face drops from rejection and Natasha’s blunt but playful response. “Oh, c’mon you haven’t even heard me out yet.” Natasha looks Sharon over for a moment and thinks what warm could it do to at least hear the proposal. “Alright, fine but don’t waste my time.” Sharon smiles as she’s won Natasha over; she also knows the amount of money the two of them could make would have her set for life without any worry.

------------

During that time of discussing business Natasha lost track of time and your absence. She searches the crowd from above until her eyes land on you, on the dance floor dancing but of course you're not alone why would you be when you look that good in a club filled past its maximum capacity. “Nice, catching up with you Sharon but we have to get going now.'' Natasha puts the cigar out and throws back her drink before slamming the glass down against the marble tabletop. The glass cracks from the brutal force but Sharon doesn’t complain about it, she could care less about a glass right now, her mind was too busy focused on her future financial luxury that would be coming her way.

You let the music take over as all the negative energy fades away from your body. You dance close with strangers, well one woman wasn’t really a stranger you met her in the restroom. After a few traded compliments you two have since then become best friends even if she doesn’t know your name. As your body grinds against others without a care in the world you're once again snatched up and pulled away from the dance floor. "Ouch!" You yell out in pain, but Natasha continues on her mission to exit the club with her hand firmly around the back of your neck.

“Get in the car.” she shoves you into the backseat. “Aww are you mad at me baby?” you inch toward her with a condescending pout on your face. You reach for her face to bring her closer, she dodges with ease. Setting her jaw and sticking to keeping her eyes on the window she wasn’t in the mood to play your game.

The moment you were about to cave in and apologize to her, the car door opened on your end, surprising you both. Natasha was seconds away from blowing a hole into the intruders head just because she’s away on vacation doesn’t mean she let her guard down. She was always aware and alert. The sound of the bullet never comes as she blinks away the utter disbelief that someone would be stupid enough to enter her vehicle. It’s the woman you were on the dance floor with.

“Omg I was looking all over for you! One minute we were drowning in vodka, sharing a blunt and then the next you were gone babe by.” She moves the hair from her eyes and leans a little closer to you. She was obviously more drunk than you, not even taking notice of the gun barrel that was aimed at her head. “Omg you found me!” You move away from Nat scooting closer to the other side of the seat.

“Of course, I did! Now why don’t we take this party back to your place, we can have more fun with just us.” her hands start to travel in places that only belonged to the fuming red head seated on the opposite side of you.

“Absolutely not!”

“Cmon Tash live a little, I don’t mind at all” The woman snorts thin white powder from her wrist, that seemed to get Natasha’s attention again but what comes after it has her considering cutting this trip short and ending her no kill rule for this trip. The woman plants her lips onto yours. Humming in delight and moaning in ecstasy. It was quick but calculated so much so that her tongue sneaked its way past your lips for the second time tonight.

Natasha had enough. There was a part of her that thought this through, thoughts of participating in a threesome, thoughts of letting you sleep with someone else for what she did to you, but she could never go through with it, she was selfish and a hypocrite.

Her apology would have to be enough because once again she’s not big on sharing and she’s definitely not big on sharing when it comes to you, she’s had many requests over the entirety of your relationship. All have been shot down over the request and some have literally been shot at for even proposing such a thing. “Get the fuck out!” Natasha shields you away from the drunken woman pulling you onto her lap and raising the gun to a better eye level. “Woah, hey! No need to get violent red. I was going to give you a taste next.” She raises her hands up in surrender. She furrows her eyes and does a seductive motion, slowly lifting her dress up to change Natasha’s mind. “Mm can we take her home Tash?” You bite your lip as you slowly wait for the drunken women to reveal more.

“Don’t move your hands any further unless you want me to chop them off! Now get out!” You can only giggle hysterically at the interaction between the two of them. Natasha smacks your ass to quiet your annoying drunken giggles and gives the woman one last chance to exit the vehicle before the entire back seat interior was covered with her brains. If she even had a brain. She understands the seriousness now or either she’s started to slowly sober up but she doesn’t say anything else as she exits the car finally. “Byee madissyn.” You slur your words as you watch her leave the vehicle. Natasha grabs your face harshly turning you around to face her, and for the first time tonight she looks deeply into your eyes and lifts your eyelids. “Did you fucking take something?” You giggle and mock her as a reply “dId yOu fuckin take something.”

“Relax, it’s nothing we haven’t done before.” Natasha doesn’t need you to go further she can tell by your dilated pupils and the way you can’t sit still in the leather seats. Ecstasy. She knows the signs partly because you’ve done it together a few times when you were younger. She can’t decide if she’s upset that you took it from a stranger or the fact that you took it without her.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind? You don’t even know her!” Natasha shoves you to the other side of the seat and instructs the driver to head back to the penthouse. You've made her mad, mission accomplished but at what cost?

-------------

Entering the penthouse Natasha goes straight to the bar by the window, taking her jacket off and tossing it on the bar stool. For some reason it annoys you, how could she be so upset and hurt when all you did was dance and participate in harmless body shot fun. Okay maybe it wasn’t as innocent as you made it out to be but the fact that she was being hypocritical right now only angered you more. “You’re upset about a dance, body shots, shotgunning some weed and some ecstasy pills?” She keeps her back turned towards you as she sips on her drink. You walk closer to her stumbling a bit when you near the bar.

“It was more than that and you know it, the whore even followed us out to the car and had the nerve to touch you! We didn’t discuss anything about bringing a strange whore into our bed!” She deeply inhales and exhales, closing her eyes to maintain her calm demeanor. “Get away from me y/n, I’m not in the mood to even look at you right now.”

“Aww did you not like her touching my body?”

”Y/n” she says in a warning tone, her face is stern but the way her lips pout in a cute way only makes you want to push further.. “Did you not like her lips grazing mine?”

“I’m warning you, watch what comes out of your mouth.” You challenge her, what could she possibly do when she vowed not to hit you in that way again? You brush off her warning threat and you can’t fully blame it on the drugs and the alcohol for what comes out of your mouth because truth be told it’s been on your mind since that day.

“I would hate to see the look on your face when I actually do decide to fuck someone else!” Her hand finds comfort around your throat, your back pressed against the wall as you struggle to breathe. Natasha doesn’t look like she’s letting go of you anytime soon. Being in this position was a sense of deja vu. Being back home in the bedroom after finding out about Natasha's true actions at Tony’s club, but this time it didn’t end with you receiving a slap to the face and a split lip.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t tell me what I don’t m-“ your snappy response gets cut off when you feel the ripped fabric of your skirt. cold air exposing you and the wet spot of your fancy lingerie. “You think someone can fuck you better than me?”

“The way you’ve soaked your panties tells me otherwise, did you like making me mad? You like seeing me go crazy over you?” Your breathing picks up as she moves closer to you. Her lips ghosting over yours. Everything she said was true, you just wanted to be petty tonight, and give her a taste of what could happen if she ever stepped out on you again. There is always someone out there that would kill for a night with you.

“I asked you a question” she tightens her grip on your neck no doubt a bruise will be left when her hand finally retracts from your skin. You offer no reply back to your girlfriend, only smiling menacingly at her and placing your hand on top of hers adding more pressure to your restricted airway. A flash of excitement rushes through Natasha. You weren’t always like this, so willing to initiate certain kinks like airplay. “I know everything about you and your body, I know what sets you off, and I know I’m the only person that can make you cry out to god.” You don’t hide any sense of humility. Smugness plastered across your face. It’s not enough, you really want to push her.

“Unfortunately for you the same can’t be said for me.” You’ve pushed too far deep now. She knows you can find pleasure from someone else. Of course, it won’t be on the same level as her, but your body will react and openly welcome the pleasure. For her it’s not the case, the prime example of that is now dead. The darkness within her eyes had you retreating. No longer wanting to toy with her but the damage was done, and Natasha had her mind set, once she finally had confirmation that you wanted her to lash out at you and use your body to take out her frustrations. Finally, she slams you to the window, not hard enough to truly injure you but hard enough to have more than a hangover in the morning.

Her lips crash into yours leaving your plea unheard. The kiss was rough and messy, as it normally would be in this situation of claiming you. The feeling of her rough hands tearing at the remainder of your clothes.

“Fuck, you know I love this set on you.” She speaks with mesmerized once again as her eyes land on the lingerie set that had her begging you to stay on for the night. It was a midnight black two piece. Mostly basic, Natasha didn’t need much despite her lifestyle, at least when it came to you she welcomed simplicity she found it just as sexy as you dressing up for her but the reality of it all was she just loved you. No matter how long or how hard it’s taken her to admit that out loud and under the circumstances it came out.

“Duh, that’s why I put it on.” You don’t receive any form of reply. Natasha snatches the fabric of your bralette finally exposing your Breasts. Her animalistic growls only increase the burning desire to have her near your throbbing core. She briefly breaks away from the kiss, roughly turning you around to face the bright lights and industrial buildings. Your face pressed against the window and her fingers plunged into your warm cunt without warning. You didn’t need any foreplay, that started the minute you decided to leave her for the club. Riling her up any chance you got. You hoped that she would fuck you, but you didn’t want to be fucked against this high rising window. You teased her, you angered her, and edged her on, now you were just going to have to deal with it and take what she gives you. She keeps a steady and brutal pace pushing you closer to your high and pulling away just at the cusps.

“Hm, Tash- it’s enough.” You reach behind you with intentions to push her arm away. Natasha smirks and forcefully pushes your pleading hand away and plants it against the window as well. She keeps her hand there for extra security, squeezing your wrist as a silent warning not to do it again or to move it. She wasn’t done tormenting you just yet, but she’ll allow you to cum. She lifts your leg and hikes your thigh up for a better angle, adding another finger to your overstimulated hole. She grunts as her breath fans over the shell of your ear.

“Nat”

“Tsk, what happened to all of that mouth you had a few minutes ago? she knows your fear of heights and still proceeds to fuck you against the thick glass. The fear and the pleasure has your mind going foggy, experiencing both at the same time. She pounds into you harder with each thrust reminding you of who you belong to. The thick glass brought some sort of comfort to your skin, cooling it off from Natasha’s burning touch. No words come from you, only panting and whines. Your breath fogs the glass as Natasha keeps her brutal pace, slick runs down your legs . She doesn’t relent until you practically turn into mush against the tall frame window.

As you feel her body weight slightly removed from your back you sniffle as the tears built up in your eyes struggle from falling down your cheeks. The edges her on even more, the sound of you trying to catch your breath and the small sound of your sniffles push her further. She’s definitely not done being petty. She takes her previous position behind you and pulls your back against her front; she grazes her lips against the warm skin of your ear and her raspy voice lights a fire inside of you from anger and arousal. “Who’s the sensitive one now?” You didn’t need to turn around to know she was wearing that shit eating smirk, you didn’t even need to look at her reflection in the smudge stain glass, you could hear it.

You use all the strength you have left on your shaky limbs to push her away. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You asshole!” You wipe the stray tears that fell from your eyes and Natasha only returns a smirk in response before she reaches for her abandoned drink on the bar counter. “Relax, the window is custom made, there are very few things that would make it shatter and our body weight isn’t one of them.” Natasha isn’t hiding her enjoyment right now, it’s on a very rare occasion when you actually cry for her. After the small moment of silence the soreness and weakened state of your body starts to take effect. Your eyes feel heavy and the drugs start to come back in full effect. It's pretty normal for you when you do smoke, not to mention the post orgasm clarity.

Natasha stood next to you the entire time watching you and she knows you had the idea of sleeping on your mind next and that just wasn’t enough for her, she’s still angry at you. Natasha picks you up and heads for the bedroom, she lays you on the bed gently totally different from her aggressive demeanor in the living room. You think she’s helping you get more comfortable, but the light tap against your cheek tells you otherwise. “Oh, no sweet face, wake up we’re not done yet.” She removes your shoes and tosses them to the floor. You hear shuffling around you still not quite aware of your surroundings.

“You’re a hypocritical, psychotic, asshole.” You mumble into the cool air of the night with closed eyes. The small break was enough for you to gather yourself again and you’re still upset about her putting you into danger like that just to get back at you for what happened at the club. She stops unbuttoning her blouse and kneels over your body until she’s face to face with you, her hands softly rub against your cheeks. “Don’t act like you don’t love it.” Natasha takes her clothes off and sits everything she needs on the other side of the bed, the next thing you feel is the bed dipping. Natasha grabs both of your arms and lifts them above your head, the feeling of soft fabric against your wrist causes you to jerk your body. She pays no mind to you as she continues to focus on knotting the fabric and connecting it to the headboard.

Your mind is still hazy, so every little movement Natasha makes is keeping you alert. “Nat, what are you doing?” You say, your voice is scratchy and hoarse. Natasha returns with a liquor bottle, two shot glasses and one regular glass. “We’re gonna play a game, since you’re in a playful mood tonight.” Is all she says before pouring into the two shot glasses. You curiously watch her in anticipation. She kisses up your stomach leaving bites and wet kisses along the way before she stops at your neck and pulls away all together.

“If you spill any of my drinks you lose.” She places one shot glass on your bare stomach as you shudder from the cold glass she sends you a warning sound. “Careful buttercup you don’t want to lose before we even start now do you?” You have to compose the little self control you have left. Her fingers slide against your thighs as they get closer and closer to your sex her smirk grows wider. Her finger grazes your swollen clit and you have no choice but to react causing the drink to shake but thankfully the alcohol remains in the glass.

Natasha crawls up your body and takes the glass in her mouth while remaining eye contact, she doesn’t finish all of it, she leaves a small amount in the glass and removes it from her mouth and pours the alcohol down your body starting from the center of your chest. You shudder from the contact and Natasha doesn’t give you much of a break as she starts her attack going down your body. She follows the trail that the alcohol leaves behind for her with her tongue. Leaving deep marks and bites along the way until she makes it back to your clit with a gentle kiss that leaves you wanting more. She looks up from your clit at the sound of your moan.

“Isn’t this much better than doing body shots with strangers?” You don’t reply to her, your head is too busy wondering how long she’ll keep this game up. She pours another shot but this time she has a new agenda on her mind. She makes her way up your body right in front of your breathless face. “Are you thirsty?” She knows the answer to that question just based on your appearance. The tension in your throat was becoming too much. You need a sense of relief. She takes your head leaning forward as a yes. Just as your lips were about to make contact with the glass, she pulls it away from you and drinks the shot herself and chuckles from the bewildered look on your face. “What the hell Nat!” You don’t even know what number of shots she’s on right now, but it takes a lot for Natasha to be drunk. A drunk Natasha was a completely different story than an annoyed Natasha.

“You still thirsty?” She whispers against your lips. Her stare is intense and intoxicating. You look away from her to show her just how annoyed you are, of course she thinks it’s cute. She refills the glass and hooks her finger under your chin bringing you face to face with her again. She downs the shot once again and tosses the glass across the room. She keeps your face in place as you try no ring away from her. She smashes her lips against yours and pushes the alcohol into your mouth. It’s fast and sloppy, so small amounts of it leak down the corner of your mouth and as Natasha pulls back she uses her tongue to catch every drip she sees.

“You want more Detka?” She still remains close to you as she reaches over to grab the bottle of alcohol off of the small cart. You only silently nod eagerly, wanting her to do it again. Except this time she hooks a finger underneath your chin tilting your head backwards and tips the bottle over. She notices the sudden change in enthusiasm at the change of direction. She can only laugh at you and your expressions but she can’t get too lost in it. This was a punishment after all. There was no time to be soft, at least so early into things. “Don’t pout.”

The next time she reaches for a shot to place on your stomach she sits the bigger glass on your stomach as well. She follows it up with dropping a few pieces of ice into the glass. “Nat you’re not being fair” frustration grows more when you realize this was a losing game either way it went. It’s not a game at all, it's a punishment of overstimulation. She pulls the wand out and turns it on to the highest level, your moans rise in volume at the first touch. “What was that I can’t hear you?” She keeps a firm grip on the toy and doesn’t relent on the pressure against your clit. “Fuck” you whine from the overstimulation, your legs are numb, and you no longer have the strength to try closing them from Natasha's access. The drinks spill over your body and the sheets Natasha takes in the sight with pride even though you’ve clearly just lost she has not intent on letting up on this game “You lost, baby and you’ve made such a mess.” She taunts you with fake concern as her hand stays firm and she starts moving the toy against your folds.

“Natasha, please.” She pouts at you with her fake sympathy. “Natasha please, what?” She gave your messy pussy a break by turning the level to the lowest Instead of taking it away completely. Your facial expressions plead more towards her than your words do. “Y-ou made your point, okay? now can you please- fuck! untie me?” She hums, weighing her decisions on if she thinks you’ve learned your lesson or not. Not really though because once Natasha Romanoff’s mind was set on something she made sure to go through with it no matter what. She took a little bit of pity on you right now but she really wanted to see this through, plus she was beyond turned on. She’s just stubborn like that.

“You know I don’t like pity cards and you know I don’t like cop outs, but nice try buttercup. You take what I give you and be happy with it.” If you were truly in unbearable pain, you’d use the safe word or Natasha would notice your breaking point and stop everything immediately. “Besides, don't you want to cum?” You growl in frustration as you glare at her, forgetting about the tight silk fabric strained against your skin you hiss in pain after your little tantrum. Natasha chuckles as she presses the toy firmly back into you. “You’re worried about me hurting you, it looks like those are doing it all on their own.”

“Mmh- h-how much longer are you gonna keep me like this?

“Until my feelings are no longer hurt or until I’m satisfied enough with how puffy and messy your pussy gets for me.” You were about to say something until the sensation of the wand tapping against your clit and the curl of Natasha’s finger entering your hole sent you further into ecstasy “Oh! Oh my-“ your fingers clench hard around the fabric of the restraints. “You know you haven’t even said sorry.” The look you gave her made her laugh but you can tell that she was being serious, maybe you did cut a little deep with your words knowing she has abandonment issues among many others. “I’m sorry, please. I’m sorry Tash.” You desperately apologize to her and she gives you no sign that she’s acknowledged it. Natasha turns the toy back on but not to the highest level and trails her tongue to your throbbing and neglected hole. She teases you for a moment by swirling her tongue around the hole before she spreads your folds, dives in and fucks you with firm and fast strokes. The sound of your wetness egging both of you on even more.

Every stroke and flick of her tongue was so intensifying that you forgot all about the silk fabrics restricting your hands from her grasp. Your body jerks from overstimulation but hearing the sound of Natasha’s praise filled moans made up for it. You ignore the stinging pain as the pleasure was much more overpowering. Just as you were getting used to the feeling of being on the edge again Natasha abruptly stops and pulls away from you with your juices smeared over her face. She enjoys the baffled look on your face right now. “I hate you.” You say, breathlessly while glaring at her as your legs shake uncontrollably with the loss of another orgasm.

You both know that’s not true she is using this moment to trap you, she wants to get a reaction out of you, she wants you to beg her to fuck you after you’ve been pleading with her for a break. “No, you don’t.” She places a soft but burning kiss on your skin while doing absolutely nothing to hide that smug expression from her face. You arch your back off of the bed, the sensation is now becoming too much to withstand. Natasha takes note of it and silently looks at you for any signs that you are at your limit. You wrap your legs around her as tight as your worn-out limbs will allow. “Keep going daddy, I’m okay.” Natasha’s strong hands have to keep you in place as she devours what belongs to her.

“Naat” your voice was finally at its breaking point. Worn out and hoarse. Natasha doesn’t budge, she keeps her focus on gaining her pleasure. “Hm fuck, just hold on a little longer” she thrusts against you groaning just how you like it, breathlessly panting with extra rasp in her voice. The moment her breath fans against your earlobe you felt your control slipping away. “Hold on for daddy?” She hooks your leg up for more security. Her fingers would surely leave behind imprints from the way she’s pressed her fingers into your soft thighs. “You feel so fucking good throbbing against me.”

“Just for me” she whispers the words out loud more so to herself than to you, but you respond to her anyway.

“Uh huh” you nod with eagerness as your nails claw at her skin. Natasha endures the stinging pain as she gets lost in the feeling of your warm slick. “Say it!” The sound of her hand making contact with the side of your ass jerks your body. “Just for you! Fuck, just for you!” You cum before Natasha does, you were already worked up and well spent she however still had energy left to use against you. Anger and jealousy were always a motivational boost for Natasha’s sex drive weirdly enough. As you lay there catching your breath Natasha’s movements slow down only for a moment before she’s repositioning herself on top of you. She finally frees your hands from the silk binds. Quickly massaging your wrists and leaving a chastise kiss on them. She spreads your puffy folds and begins angling herself against you. “Tash.”

“You can take it.” The sigh of relief and pleasure that takes over Natasha’s face was definitely worth the soreness that you will feel in the morning. She positions her clit against your dripping hole, she slowly pushes into you. The warmth of your pussy against the tip of Natasha’s clit was pure joy, she doesn’t do it often, or rather she didn’t really have time to do anything other than a quickie. Her mob activities and her regular nine to five businesses were always top priority now with new goals and a clean slate she wouldn’t dream about leaving you and your feelings out of the equation anymore. Especially not if she gets to fuck you like this more often.

Natasha snaps her hips forward, with each thrust your tits bounce in perfect rhythm. Her thrusts start slow but firm, until she can no longer hold on. Even though her entry point was small it didn’t take away the indescribable feeling of you sucking her in. Natasha pulls back for observation and once she sees the tip of her clit still inside of you something snaps inside of her. The perfect bounce of your tits soon starts to become erratic and sloppy just as Natasha’s thrusts. The loud sound of skin slapping, and wetness was almost enough to drown out anything else.

she buries her face into the crook of your neck, her muffled moans send the last bit of sensation you had left through your body. You don’t move. All of your limbs were non-functional at the moment, your bodies are still pressed together, and you hope to the highest heaven that Natasha meant what she said this time because you could still feel her throbbing against your folds. Your warm juices continue to flow as you watch Natasha come down from her high. “That was so hot.” She bites the side of your neck and soothes it over with her tongue. She takes a moment to place soft kisses anywhere she can on your body. You lay there in comfortable silence as you bask in the warmth and affection, she’s showing you right now because you truly don’t know how long it will last. How long this side of Natasha would stay before she’s back to her cold and set ways of thinking.

You fought off sleep as long as you could, but you were no longer winning the fight, Natasha obviously notices you trying to keep yourself awake. She makes quick work of cleaning you up, during your moment of dazed and fuzzy afterglow you only come down when you feel her in the same area she just abused. “Fuck off tash.” You limply try swatting her hands away from your cunt. Natasha scoffs and chuckles in the same breath. “Shut up and stop squirming. I'm cleaning you up, I should leave you a mess for what you did tonight.” She slaps your pussy once just to add on to the ‘asshole of the night award’ and you call her a bitch which only makes her chuckle. You know it’s a lie, Nat has never deliberately skipped aftercare with you. Only in times when she had to rush out unexpectedly, back when she was still in training to take over the business. Back when your relationship was in an awkward place.

During your small moment of reminiscing, you feel the bed shifting. The warm heat of Natasha’s skin against yours and the faint feeling of her breathing gets you to crack your eyes open to be greeted with her patiently awaiting your gaze. “Hey.” Your groggy greeting is cut off forcefully by Natasha’s lips smashing into yours. She pulls back looking you over as her nimble fingers ghost over your skin, over every mark on your neck and chest. She’s satisfied with her work tonight. She gives you a few more kisses before pulling you close to her side of the bed and turning the lights off. “Y/n.”

“Hm?” You hum in response while she rubs your back soothingly. “You're the only one for me." She wants to say, “I’m sorry I fucked up for me to realize that.” But she doesn’t want to get deep into that conversation right now. She doesn’t want to be vulnerable and open; she'll save it for another day. “Sleep.” Not long after that you were out cold.

----------------

The next time you shift in bed your eyes are halfway open. You notice Natasha is still sitting up with her back against the headboard talking in a hushed whisper. She hears you stirring beside her. She doesn’t want you awake, she doesn’t want you to hear the conversation. Panic bells sound off inside of your head anytime she gets a phone call in the early hours of the morning. “Let me guess, vacation is over.” Your voice still dripped with slumber but it wasn’t a question it was more of confirmation, confirmation that usually results in you being tossed to the side and neglected. Natasha pauses the conversation you weren’t too focused on trying to hear. You were nearly on your way back to sleep. “No, baby, just go back to sleep.” She gives you a soft kiss to distract your curiosity so you fall asleep without any hesitation or any push back.

The next time you wake up you hear voices, and you feel yourself being moved around. The cool breeze hits your face, but you still remain with low lidded eyes. You’re not in danger, you would know if you were. The hands that hold on to you and occasionally caress your face weren’t unfamiliar ones. You could spot them instantly; you drift back off to sleep with the reassurance of a body nestled close to yours and warmth radiating into you. You wake up feeling the aftereffects from the evening you had last night with Natasha. You stretch your arms out while remaining to keep your eyes shut. You feel the bed for Natasha’s body and freeze when you come up empty. She wasn’t here.

You vaguely remember being put in the car and seeing your luggage being carried out of the penthouse. You sit up in bed with pinched brows after you’re aware of your surroundings, you search for your cell phone and find it on the side table plugged into the charger. Most of the messages were from Yelena and a few emails about your new night club. You were just about to call Natasha’s phone to demand answers about the change in location when you heard voices above you on the top deck of the yacht. Not only is Natasha standing there but she has Bucky and Clint with her as well. This was supposed to be a trip away from the mob life and that includes them. You storm up the last few stairs towards her. She knew you’d be yelling at her sooner or later after you woke up.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I thought this was our vacation time?” You cross your arms as you await her answer while also being aware of the extra bodies that were not supposed to be present. “Good morning to you too honey, I slept great thanks for asking.”

“Don’t fuck with me, I’m not in the mood to play with you right now Natasha.”

“We’re still on vacation…this needed to be dealt with immediately.” Her response doesn’t do anything for you to ease up on her. “Oh, c’mon sweet face, I thought this would be better by settling this here so we wouldn’t have to cut our trip short.” She rubs your waist and kisses your face hoping it will cool your temper. “You couldn’t have handled it at the penthouse?”

“You’d rather have me do that in a place where we lay our heads?”

“Natasha, we’re in fucking madripoor! Shit happens here every hour on the hour! Packing me and our things away at the ass crack of dawn for this? was not necessary!”

“Will you relax? You’re always complaining about me being romantic. Well, I was trying to be spontaneous while also getting things done efficiently!”

“Nothing about this is romantic and your whole excuse is a cop out.”

“Surprising you with a morning on a yacht isn’t romantic?”

“Don’t condescend me Natasha, it was the way you did things while also having an ulterior motive behind it.” Natasha grabs your hand before you walk away from her. Linking her fingers through yours and somehow your eyes drift up her body just in time to see the flex of her muscles in the tank top she was wearing. “Calm down, have some breakfast. I have all of your favorites prepared Already. This is not the end of our trip, it's more of a small interruption.” “Fine.” You turn your face away from her and start moving towards the kitchen area for some breakfast. if you were going to be around for this you were not doing it on an empty stomach. Natasha stops you and places her lips to the shell of your ear. “It won’t take long I promise.” She kisses your neck. “We can go back to our room and make that champagne and ice bucket useful, hm?”

“No, absolutely not you’re not touching me after last night, I’m still sore.” You brush past her as she scoffs and glares at you, you can say that now but maybe when she’s finished, you’ll change your mind. Natasha walks back to the group at the seating area and picks up a few pieces of fruit as the paranoid man sits in silence. “It’s my understanding that I haven’t received your payment.” She holds her hand up when the man attempts to speak, no doubt to apologize or make an excuse for his actions. “I don’t want excuses” Natasha doesn’t like pity and she doesn’t like excuses. You'd be lucky enough for her to even ask you for a solution instead of killing you. Charles stupidly ignores her response hoping she’d be able to understand when she hears the full story and his side of things.

“We’ve been having a tough time at the shop and-“ Her fists cut his words short he wasn’t even aware of when she stood up to even get near him. “I thought I just said I didn’t want to hear any excuses.” Natasha sighs with disappointment as she checks her nails like the narcissist she is. “You interrupted my lovely trip with my sweet face over there.” She points to you while you sit at the counter sipping your orange juice. “This was not the way she was supposed to be waking up, Charles. Do you understand my dilemma here?” The man hesitated to answer Natasha. The question was dripping with a sexual undertone, not knowing if he would end up with a bullet between his eyes for answering truthfully. “I-“ Natasha delights in his uneasiness to reply, one wrong word would set her off completely, changing the mood of this meeting. “It’s okay, you can answer.”

“I understand, trust me.” He takes a little too long to turn his attention back to her. So, she grabs him by the collar. “Aren’t you going to apologize?” She tilts her head hovering above him. “I-I apologize for the intrus-“ the back of her hand makes contact with his face. “Not to me you fucking idiot!” She grabs his face and turns it towards your direction. “To her.” You grow awkward with the man’s eyes on you while you are trying to eat. “I’m sorry.” “She can’t hear you! Say it louder!” You heard his apology but you wanted to be left alone for now. After having a week of silence and wild nights with Natasha you weren’t ready for things to start going back to normal. You weren’t ready to go back home and fall into the same pattern again. “I’m so sorry” fully catching your attention you flip him off in response and go back to eating and drinking your juice. He turns around to look at Natasha for what to do next. She insists on him trying again for an apology. Shooing him away with her hands. He moves further into the kitchen area as you eat your breakfast. Unfazed by his presence. “Um miss I wanted to sincerely apologize for-“ his apology was stopped abruptly when the weight of the waffle iron collided with his face. “What the hell!” He shouts out in agony clutching his broken nose on the floor.

“Why the hell are you in my face? You already ruined my morning, now you’re going to ruin my breakfast too?” You grab him by the collar of his shirt. “No, that was not my intention.” Even if he was telling the truth, you were still pissed about it, so you use this opportunity to use him as a punching bag. Throwing multiple punches to his already broken and bruised face. Clint once again steps next to Natasha. “You just gonna let her do that? We don’t need him dead, Nat.” Natasha looks at Clint with a smirk on her face. She honestly loved that you let out your dark side more now. “I suppose you’re right, but I just love seeing my sweet face go sour and bad for a bit.” Clint makes a face of disgust.

“Please spare me the details of you and y/n’s psycho relationship dynamic, I already told you that you two need therapy like yesterday.” She rolls her eyes and walks away. You stop your attack on his face and you hold him up by the collar of his blood-stained shirt. The small blade presses against his skin; you trail the sharp knife down his cheek and stop at the curve of his neck. “What type of work do you do?” He seems caught off guard with that question as he nervously licks his lips. He doesn’t know if he is supposed to look at you or keep his eyes trained on the cabinets. “I own a butcher shop.”

“Oh, this is perfect.” You take pride in his blatant display of confusion and fear. “You cut and trim meat all day, what’s so hard about that?” You don't give him a chance to reply to you, not that he would even dare try to respond to that loaded question. “Since you’re a butcher I’m sure you’re aware that a single incorrect cut could ruin a good piece of meat.” He stares up at you in pain and confusion as you tilt your head adding more pressure behind the knife. Natasha arrives in the kitchen area just in time.

“Okay, that’s enough, buttercup.” She pulls your back to her front and holds you in place. “Put the knife down.” She rubs your body soothingly to bring you back to a calm state. It takes you a few seconds, but you eventually flick the blade back into its safety pocket and place it into Natasha’s hands and let the man go in the process. As she puts the small knife in her pocket Natasha looks down at the bloody figure on the floor. “I know how much you wanted to cool off a bit, I don’t know what possessed him to bother you.” She snuggles her face closer to your neck inhaling deeply, She loved the scent of you. As Natasha was distracted the man quickly defended himself once again.

“You literally told me to come over here and apologize!” He shouts out at her stupidly once again not knowing how dangerous that is. “No, I don’t think I did, actually.” Instead, she replies back with a cool and calm demeanor she wanted to see if you’d attack him again. ”Yes you did!” Charles shouts back defensively and Natasha kicks him in the face “Shut up!” You crane your neck to watch Natasha’s body language. “Don’t listen to him baby Especially since I know how grumpy you get when something interrupts our plans.” She softly kisses your neck when she’s done telling the lie. You take a moment to look down at your silk pajamas and groan frustration.

“He got his blood all over my new pajamas, now we have to buy another set of matching ones.” Natasha just chuckles at your response. Blaming that poor man for getting blood on your expensive robe when you were the cause of it being there in the first place. She loved it. Part of her wished your father would’ve made you more involved with the mob activities like she had to. She would’ve had this sight of you way early on into the relationship, but she loves you just the way you are right now. “Don’t worry about it. We can buy all the matching pajamas you want, I’ll take care of it.”

“Yeah, you will especially since this is your fault for sending him over here in my goddamn face in the first place.”

“See, I told you!” You both speak at the same time. “Shut up!” When the man quiets down Natasha doesn’t try to deny it this time she just laughs and pulls you closer to her. Of course, you knew she was lying. “I’m sorry, I just thought you wanted to let some anger out and I was clearly right.”

“How thoughtful of you.” You gently pat her cheek. “I know.” She leans forward placing her lips on yours. She growls in surprise when you take control, shoving your tongue down her throat. Backing her up into the counter and harshly biting her lip. “Don’t tease me right now dekta.”

“Can you two stop sucking face? We have import shit to deal with here!” Bucky was getting annoyed. From the time being wasted and just from seeing you two showing public displays of affection. You clench your jaw, looking over Natasha’s shoulder. Who the hell did he think he was? You pick up an empty champagne flute and launch it at Bucky. “Shut the fuck up!” He dodges the glass before it makes contact. Clint pulls Bucky aside with force. “You seriously need to let it go, Buck.” Clint harshly whispers to him. He snatches his arm from Clint and goes to sit down on the padded couch. Seeing him be seated like a good little guard dog that he should be. As Clint snatches the man from the floor and away from the kitchen area you focus back on your girlfriend. “Finish everything up here and I’ll be downstairs. Don’t take too long though, I’m not promising to keep my hands off.” You slide your hand underneath the silk waistband of her pajamas. Natasha’s eyes blown wide, she couldn’t wait to get this over with to have you screaming out in pleasure and pain once again. You bring your hand back out into the open. Natasha licks her lips at the glistening wet slick dripping down your fingers. You place your fingers on her lips. She welcomes them openly, sucking the flavorful juices off your fingers. You lean in ghostly whispering against her lips.

“If you get this handled quickly the next time, we kiss I’ll have the taste of your cum on my lips.” Her breath hitches and she’s more determined to get this shit done now more than ever. Hell, she might even give him more time and just have Clint and Bucky take Charles back home. That would be the only time she would show forgiveness. The only time she’d be so lenient to someone who wronged her.

Natasha makes her way back to the seating area; she makes a show to whistle from your previous actions. “Yeah, she’s pissed. I was going to put on a show for her but I’m feeling merciful and gracious.” She pops a few pieces of fruit in her mouth and turns directly to face the bruised and bloody man. “So, let’s talk about how you’re going to move forward to get me the money that I’m owed and how you’re gonna pay extra for this inconvenience, shall we?”

They found a way to come to an agreement and the instant that the problem had been solved Natasha jumped up from her seat with haste and intended to run downstairs to you. “Natasha, we have another problem.”

------------

“No, we just fixed it…any other problems can wait until tomorrow or until I officially return from my vacation.”

“Uh, Nat you’re not listening…”

“And you’re not listening to me Clint, this trip was to make things up to y/n, and I don’t need calls interrupting the time I made for her. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have holes that I need to fill downstairs and you’re making me late.” Clint visibly gags and Natasha’s satisfied with his reaction to walk away from him to leave him with that burning image. “Jesus! Keep that to yourself I swear to God I’m this close to ditching my earring aids whenever I’m on duty! and I’m serious Nat it’s about Alexei.” Just as she was walking away from him she stops in her tracks as soon as he mentions the name. She slowly turns around to face him and a silent Bucky. “What kind of problem is it?”

Time passes longer than you would’ve liked but once again you were used to it. This trip did nothing but show you the reality of your life and your relationship. You could never truly get away from this lifestyle. You quickly change into normal clothes, your mood has drastically changed and the likelihood of your girlfriend returning to you anytime soon was uncommon. As expected when the bedroom door opens you know it’s Natasha and you know she’s come to tell you the bad news but what she doesn’t expect is for you to already have the bags packed and ready to be put into the car. Her apology falls dead on the tip of her tongue as you cut her off before she even had the chance to release it. “I don’t want to hear it.” Your response is cold and calm, two signs she’s much familiar with now, you could snap at any moment. Which furthers the internal need to be close to you she knows there’s a chance of a fight happening, an item being thrown at her hell you could be hiding a knife somewhere just waiting to make your move. She ignores her thoughts and cautiously takes small steps towards you at a time.

“Hey, it’s another emergency that needs to be addressed and it’s much bigger than what happened this morning.” You don’t say anything to her as you sit in silence on the edge of the bed. She tries to be near you to bring you some sort of comfort, but you stand up and head for the door with your luggage in hand. “I told you I don’t want to hear it; I don’t want to hear excuses.” Natasha already felt bad and now you’re using her own shit against her which makes her feel even worse. She reached for you hoping you’d let her explain the situation further. Maybe it’ll ease the pain if you knew just how dire it was to fly back home. All she got in return was a stinging slap to the face before you stormed out of the room with your luggage completely. Natasha wasn’t expecting it but she isn’t mad at it, you’re upset, angry and hurt. She knows you’re not letting it all out, so a slap to the face is something she’d have to endure. She grabs a duffel bag and tells Bucky and Clint to get the rest of the luggage as she follows after you.

You remained silent in the car as Clint and Natasha discussed business matters. You settle for keeping your focus on the car window knowing Natasha is staring at you intently waiting for you to address her. To say something. Anything. She leans closer to you, and you counter her movements by sliding closer to the door. She tries again by placing her hand on your thigh to silently apologize for cutting the trip short. You remove her hand immediately. In your eyes it looked like she lied about what happened earlier, which in truth she didn’t lie, things just played out that way. How Inconvenient for her. She leaves you to deal with your emotions and goes to her phone texting Yelena about your incoming attitude and about this meeting that Alexei demanded to have.

------------

You make your way onto the private jet, and you still have not said one word to Natasha other than your outburst from earlier. You flop down in the seat after taking a sucker from the candy bowl and popping it into your mouth. Natasha brings two champagne flutes over as she sits next to you. She asks you something and your only response is to grab the abandoned pair of headphones and turn the volume up to true maximum level to drown out her repeating apologies. “Can I have some?” She removes the left side of your headphones to speak directly into your ear. When she has your attention, she nods to the candy that’s in your mouth. You roll your eyes and hand her the bowl only she never reaches for it. Instead, she goes for the sucker in your mouth, and she reaches for the end of the stick. Lightly tugging on it for you to release it from your tight grasp. Making a sound of annoyance and disapproval you swat her prying hands away.

“You’re not gonna share with me?” You once again shove the bowl of candy near Natasha, and she still doesn’t budge. That’s not what she wanted. This was her way of getting you to interact with her. To acknowledge her. It’s not the first time something so childish as candy could bring you back from a fit of rage and anger and back into her embrace of understanding and forgiveness. A little lighthearted interaction to let her know how deep in shit she was truly in once the two of you were back home and things went back to the everyday routine. Natasha makes a disapproving noise and tosses the candy bowl on the empty seat next to her. She’s had enough of your attitude and your unwillingness to hear her out, this wasn’t like any other excuse that truly needed her presence. Natasha quickly grips your face and turns your attention back on her.

“I didn’t plan this. Trust me I would rather still be on that yacht with you right now, but this is serious." You shrug her off of you, annoyed with her cryptic responses, she never really goes into detail about why things were serious or so urgent that you sit at the dinner table alone most nights. You remove the candy from your mouth and lick your lips, an action Natasha focuses on intensely. “You still haven’t told me what’s so serious that you cut our vacation short, a vacation I only got because you let Stark get in your head and you couldn’t keep your hands off of an attention seeking whore!” Your voice raises in volume and Clint and Bucky share a look but they remain in their seats unbothered. They’re pretty much used to the outbursts between you two and they’ll only intervene if Natasha tells them to. Meanwhile you lean away from her and place the candy back into your mouth seemingly being done with this conversation. Natasha rubs her face harshly and exhales a deep breath that she’s been holding since she got the news. Natasha calms her nerves trying to stay on her new path by managing her temper. She’s trying her best to communicate properly. “It has to do with Alexei.”

“Alexei?!” You could’ve cut the inside of your mouth with how fast you pulled the candy out of your mouth from hearing his name. She nods her head and swigs down her champagne. She was nervous. “You know just as much as anybody how dreadful this surprise meeting is going to be for me.” Natasha hasn’t spoken to Alexei directly in a long time and she hasn’t seen him in the flesh for even longer. The two of them never got along and when Natasha started to rebel against him and his orders, that caused the drift between them. The final straw that broke the camel's back was her continuing to defy him by being in a relationship with you. Once he found out about you two, things changed. He treated you differently, he deemed you as a distraction to his daughter. Of course, his attitude could only be expressed slightly back then with your father still being around and being the man in charge but once he was murdered, Alexei didn’t hold his tongue any longer. He had free reign to say anything he wanted. He Finally got to release the built-up aggression that built up over the years starting from the moment you came back, and the moment Natasha set her eyes on you.

The harsh and cruel words spewing out of his mouth no longer held back in the depths of his throat. The words remained there from the first day he caught you and Natasha together. The memories brought back pain not just yours but Natasha’s as well. You saw how she was treated by that man for as long as you’ve known her. You finally turn your whole body to her and the first thing you can see is the sincerity in her eyes. “I know.” You say with softness and love. You hold your hand out to her and she doesn’t touch you. You move your hand closer to her, placing it in her lap. “Are you gonna hold my hand or what?”

“That depends if you’re gonna slap me again or not.” You shake your head ‘no’ in response and she links her fingers with yours. Now you feel bad for slapping her knowing she has Alexei on her brain already, that abuse was enough on its own, even though your feelings and reaction was valid you needed to apologize. “I’m sorry for that by the way.” You use your other hand to rub against the cheek you previously struck. “No, you aren’t.” She cracks a smile and you return the same mirrored emotion back at her. “Okay, maybe not completely but I’m sorry for not hearing you out earlier.” You slowly exhale, lowering your gaze down to your abandoned hand on Natasha’s lap. “I was just really starting to get used to this kind of lifestyle.”

“You’ve always had a luxury lifestyle, what are you talking about?”

“Not that, I meant being normal. Having a normal and domestic lifestyle, that doesn’t involve waking up to random strangers in our living room or having to be pulled away from vacation after the shit I had to go through to even get here.” You take a brief moment to calm down. You weren’t trying to start another argument with her, not after you know what awaits her when this private jet lands. The mindset and preparation she has to readjust to. You feel the warm embrace of her hand in yours. Natasha gives you a firm and comforting squeeze before she finally links her fingers with yours. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I know I’ll never be able to truly escape it but it would be nice to put things on pause more often and just...get away.” You look to Natasha to answer your response as if your statement was a question. She understands perfectly without the use of your voice. She’s known how long you’ve wanted to get away and it was always put on the back burner, had she known that a vacation trip meant this much to you, your passport would’ve been overfilled with stamps by now. She feels guilty for neglecting you and not being attentive to your needs. All she had to do was make a call and everything you wanted would be everything you’d have. “We’ll take more trips…I promise.” You give her an annoyed look, it's something you’ve heard before and you’d rather not hear the lie again. “I’m serious, if you want to take a trip just book a flight or call Fitz to have the jet ready and we’ll go wherever you want.”

“Tash, you talk a sweet game, but we both know how this will play out.”

“I’m making changes, I’ve put in the effort and I’ve owned up to my mistakes. I’m being serious, I really mean it this time.” You hum with satisfaction as you see new determination in her eyes. Your hand tugs the collar of her shirt forward, you hold eye contact for a moment before your lips ghost over hers. “Next time something like this happens just tell me straight up, and don’t start with apologies. Do you understand Natalia? She smirks against your lips as they slightly graze each other. “Yes, my love.”

“Good.” You say, softly and finally lean forward to peck her lips you pull away way too soon for Natasha to even get started on her attack. You pull away with a smug smile while Natasha licks her lips tasting the remnants of sweetness from the cherry blow pop, she was practically begging for moments ago. “I’m stressed out over here and you’re teasing me?”

“You’re right” you go in for another kiss, but this time Natasha pulls you in and holds your face in place as she deepens the kiss. It’s sloppy and desperate, which is another silent sign that means she needs comfort and support right now. when you try pulling away again, she places her hand around your neck giving you a subtle squeeze as a warning to keep still. Natasha makes sure to savor the artificial flavor as she strokes her tongue around every part inside of your mouth. The noises you two pull from each other caused Clint to fully turn his hearing aids off and Bucky turns his headphones on max volume to drown out the lewd sounds. When she finally lets you come up for air, she admires your dazed expression and goes back to drinking her champagne as if nothing just happened.

“You just tried to kill me!” You say as you finally get the sensation of oxygen coming in again. she chuckles and turns her head towards you. “It’s your fault for not sharing with me.” Is all she says before shrugging her shoulders and sighing before she makes a move to get up. You quickly place your hand on hers stopping her movements, a silent question hung in the air about why she’s leaving her seat. “I need to plan things out with Clint and buck” you move your hand and silently nod in agreement but before she leaves you beckon her with your finger for one more kiss which she happily obliged to.

After a few playful nips and bites, you both pull away and you place the blow pop against Natasha’s wet lips. “I also forgot to mention that Alexei is meeting at our house tonight for dinner.” The moments of normalcy and domestication were over, now things were officially going back to what you've been used to since you were born. You just hope and pray that no one ends up dead but maybe that's asking for far too much when Alexei is at the center of the equation.

[wordbunch]

a little secret (Bilbo x f!reader)

a/n: my brain wrote this on its own while i re-watched the hobbit trilogy twice within like, a week, so... there is that!! it's been sitting in my drafts for months??? anyway it's just a fluffy little piece cause he is an absolute cinnamon roll (i've been neglecting him too much and i'm gonna fix it) 💖 let me know ur thoughts and opinions, and please be so kind to reblog? 🥺 i'm exciteddd to be back and figuring out new things to post!

Yet another all-day-long march was behind them, and the setting sun signaled that it was time to set up camp for the night, and rest, as much as it was possible by sleeping on the ground and eating tiny portions of anything that was at all edible.

[y/n] let her weighty bag plop down onto the rough forest terrain and she let out a weary sigh, stretching her back and arms as much as it was humanly possible, wishing she could stretch away the negative feelings and thoughts that plagued her mind on that particular day.

As soon as Bilbo neatly stored his belongings near the bark of a tree, which seemed like a moderately comfortable spot to take a break in, his eyes keenly followed the movements and expressions of his beloved, who was uncharacteristically quiet and perhaps even sorrowful during the day. Normally she would put her things next to his and enjoy the few short hours of peace, but this time she just tossed them onto a random patch of grass and turned her back to him and the rest of the company, who were already discussing dinner. Before anyone asked her to weigh in with her opinion, she took the chance to walk away and among the trees, away from the commotion of the dwarves. 

Bilbo's curious eyes followed the shape of her in the shadows as long as they could, but soon enough she was out of sight and, inevitably, he began to worry immediately. As much as he wanted to let her have a few minutes of silence and contemplation, it was too dangerous for any of them to go wandering around alone, especially while exhausted in every way; so his anxiety got the best of him, and even though it was nice to finally sit down for a moment, he had to make sure she was alright.

She was expecting he would follow after her shortly, as she stood among the trees and hugged her own arms for extra warmth; trees were swaying in a chilly breeze as the last rays of sun painted them in saturated hues. The moment she heard some shuffling she turned around cautiously, but sighed in relief at the sight of her favorite (as a matter of fact, the only one she knew) hobbit. A small smile stretched her lips, without quite reaching her eyes, and that’s all it took for Bilbo to all but run to her and pull her close.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” he spoke, albeit a little bit breathlessly, as soon as he reached the taller woman. “All day you have been acting…differently.” He murmured with caution, hoping not to offend her with his probing.

[y/n] released a shaky breath and shook her head slightly, looking down at his hands on her waist. Even though she felt like she would start crying if she spoke up, she didn’t want Bilbo to think she was keeping something from him; she knew him well enough to know he would surely overthink it later in the night, instead of sleeping.

“You know you can tell me anything,” he urged her in a soft voice, reaching up to her cheek and stroking it with the back of his hand. “Even if it’s about something that i’ve done,” he added, half-jokingly.

After a string of rough days packed with danger and uncertainty, she was rather moved by the display of tenderness, and she felt her lower lip quiver. At last her eyes, that were brimming with tears and exhaustion, met his, and he let out a quiet gasp. [y/n] could swear he looked like he could start crying only at seeing her like that.

“i just- I cannot,” she confessed shakily, while he pulled her as close to him as possible, “I cannot really handle all of this right now. I’m so tired, a-and there are so many terrifying things going on all the time, and it seems like this whole undertaking might never end, and I just can’t,” she rambled on, trying her best to fight the tears that wanted to spill. The grip she had on the hobbit’s shoulders was so strong, as if he was going to evaporate if she let him go. It was terrible for him to see her feeling that way, and for a second he felt a stab of guilt - maybe he was failing her - but he had to fix it as soon as he could. Both of his hands found a way to her tear stained face, and he gazed at her with so much love and understanding that she could have melted right in that moment. [y/n] wrapped her fingers around one of his wrists to ground herself in reality.

“My beautiful flower, most beautiful in all the world,” Bilbo began, speaking so lowly that only she could hear him, “do you want to know a little secret?” he raised his eyebrows with a playful glint in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. If he couldn’t make her smile, then what was the point of anything at all? She immediately recognized a small attempt at cheering her up, and her heart fluttered in her chest. she really considered herself lucky amid all the chaos.

“Yes, dearest,” she sniffed, but the beginning of a smile was playing on her lips too.

"I can’t either,” he chuckled airily, with a small shake of his head, “but with you by my side, maybe I can. And all of this has been… well, insane, to say the least, but it won’t last forever. I mean, I really hope so.” [y/n] finally laughed, and a tremendous weight was lifted off of his chest. Bilbo stood a little taller as he looked up at her with more hopeful eyes.

“But sometimes insane things lead to beautiful things, I suppose,” he continued, still cradling her face as if it was made of the finest glass, and his smile was contagious as she let those words sink in. “Trust me, I would love nothing more than to be at home with you right now, holding you close, wrapping you in blankets when you get cold, bringing you breakfast every. single. morning,” he accentuated his words with three taps of his finger to the tip of her nose, and her giggle warmed him up from his curls to his toes. “And look at the stars with you on every clear night, and read by the fire together, and chase away visitors because I want you only to myself…” he trailed off, suddenly very aware that she was looking at him with such open love that he needed to remind himself to breathe before continuing. “And, petal, I promise you, very soon we will be doing exactly that, we just need to finish up this-this little dwarven errand.” 

[y/n] all but threw herself over him in a haphazard hug, drawing out a startled laugh from the hobbit.

“Thank you,” she muttered into his hair. “I cannot wait to do all those things with you.”

“Anything for you, my love,” he replied, “and until then… even if we can’t, we can’t together.”

-

✨

taglist my beloved @starlady66 @queenmeriadoc @entishramblings @thesolarangel @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @averys-place @valkyriepirate @emmaarenstarr @noldorin-painter @asianbutnotjapanese @adamgetawaydriver @fenharel-enaste @ironmandeficiency @starryeyedrogue @dinofromspac3 @wisheduponastar @lady-of-imladris @frodo-cinnamonroll @unethicallypleistocene @deadlymistletoe @suncran @high-sea-husbands @asianbutnoteastasian @aidansloth @moth-makay

@bubbleyukismile @kitexvi @herstudios @babe-bombadil

[crystillyzed]

at the rainbow's end // mysta rias

pairing: mysta rias x gn!reader

word count: 4.1k

genre: fluff, staff!reader, mutual pining, wingman elira

content warning(s): swearing, unedited

summary:

After nearly a year of hearing each other's voice, you finally meet him.

a/n: this was originally going to be released as my 100 follower celebration since i hit that a while back and to make up for the lack of event since i don’t have the time to host one. but with mysta’s graduation this past weekend, i didn’t want to keep this in my drafts since i’ve been working on this for like practically a year now.

this fox-dog man means so much to me, even though i can’t really catch his streams due to timezone differences, but he means So Much to me. i got back into writing because of luxiem, but he and shu were the ones who got me back into the swing of writing which is amazing bc i love writing. i just lost all the motivation to do so until i found them last year. even though he’s no longer in niji anymore or mysta anymore, i will keep writing for him. in fact, i actually have like 3 or so mysta works in the drafts lol

and speaking of writing, this is the first long fic i’ve written in 3-4 years. i’m considering crossposting this onto my ao3 as an alternative access to read longer fics bc ik how tumblr is poopy with loading long text posts. i’m a bit rusty when it comes to writing long fics, but i hope you’ll be able to enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this 🧡

links: luxiem m.l || main m.l || ao3 ver (if tumblr dies)

You twist your head from your phone back towards your monitor, displaying the Discord window showing your current private call with your blue dragon friend.

“Mysta’s WHAT?”

“Yeah, he’s coming along on the trip,” Elira laughed. “You didn’t know?”

“Apparent-ly! What the hell!! Luca, that motherfucker, I’m gonna beat his ass when I see him!”

She howls with laughter as you ramble on and on about how Luca told you everything about their planned trip but didn’t tell you about Mysta’s planned involvement. Once you’re done, she takes many deep breaths to calm down. “You should come with us! It’s gonna be fun. And, you’ll get to see him again.~”

You can’t really see each other’s faces, considering you’re both in a voice call. But god damn, you can hear the eyebrow wiggle in her teasing tone.

“I can’t,” you groaned, “I have finals when you’re there. As much as I wanna skip it, I really need to pass.”

“Damn, you can’t even get a referral from staff to get you here for a business meeting? Unlucky.”

“Can’t even do that anyway. I already told my professor that my trip’s been canceled, so now I have to take it.”

Though you’re not a liver for the company, you are, however, a staff member for the company. Specifically one of the staff in charge of promotions. Of course, you mainly focus on promoting EN and sometimes the other two now-merged branches. In fact, that’s how you got close to some of the livers.

As one of the staff promoters, you have to speak with the associated livers about PR stream offers and their convention appearance invites. Since you’ve been interacting with the livers the most, you’ve become friends with a few of them. Some namely Elira and Mysta.

Honestly, it’s not that you play favorites with the livers. You try your best to keep your relationships professional with them. But your bond with a specific fox-like man says otherwise.

You see, Mysta has been a joy to be around with. Although you haven’t met him in person yet, you have played some multiplayer games with him. Sometimes you check out the EN Minecraft server to see if the installed mods are working properly. Weirdly enough, almost every time you visit the server, Mysta is online. In fact, that’s how your not-so-business relationship started.

When you first entered the server, after double checking if no one was streaming at the scheduled hour, he was the first person you met. You thought you would run into Selen, Pomu, or perhaps Uki during your visit, but you were pleasantly surprised at his sudden appearance. Luckily, he was kind enough to show you around the server while teaching you some mods. With, of course, the trademark Mysta Rias experience packaged with sexual innuendos and teasing about. Well, except he didn’t go completely sexual considering it was your first time meeting him. He has some decency.

After that, you’ve run into him almost every time you visit the Minecraft server. Every visit eventually turned into hangouts, just you two (and sometimes another liver) chatting and building projects in-game. Soon enough, you and Mysta started to play other games together. You both played games such as Overwatch, Clubhouse, and sometimes League if you felt like torturing yourself for some reason.

Obviously, you had to keep the professionalism on both sides somehow. Your fellow staff members, especially some livers, noticed your close bond with the detective. So they usually send you to his DMs to discuss about any promotion offers involving him. Whenever you have your cameras on for a meeting, he somehow always flusters you with sudden flirtatious marks or something of the sort mid-conversation.

“Hello? Helloooooooo? Is someone there??”

Elira’s voice yoinks you out of your thoughts. Oh god, were you spacing out this entire time? How embarassing.

You clear your throat then respond as if you weren’t thinking of someone just now, “S-sorry, did you say something?”

“Oh my god. It’s that bad,” she mindlessly mutters.

Blink blink. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” she quickly retaliates. With a slight hum, she speaks again, “Since you’re gonna be stuck in hell… Want me to get you something? Like a souvenir or a limited edition thing? I literally have your address, man.”

Oh right, she does. Sometimes you and Elira send gifts to each other like figurines or plushies at random times.

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for the offer, man.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’ll still probably send some pics buuut… Y’know… Just saying…”

There she goes again, doing that thing where she wiggles her eyebrows even though you can’t see her fucking face right now. Goddamn it, why did you tell her about your… thing with Mysta? You should’ve known that she’s NOT going to let it go.

You groan, “Just. Just surprise me.”

“That’s so vague! Do you know what that means?”

“Yeah? So? Surprise me.”

“Man… You have no idea how much power you just gave me.” She cackles for the next few seconds, making you start regretting your decision. “Okay, I’ll surprise you. Just don’t forget you asked me to, alright? And no complaining!”

“Okay, alright, fine! I won’t complain! Jeez… Now get to bed, nerd, you have a flight tomorrow.”

“Sheesh, what are you, my mom?” You both chuckle at her remark. “Okieee~ I’ll go pass out now, I guess. Good night!”

“Good night, Ewiwa. Have a safe trip.”

And you both leave call. Well, maybe you should get to sleep too. It’s getting super late, after all.

—

Mysta stares at Elira across the table in disbelief. “Finals? Of all times? Bruh…”

“Haha, yeah! Super uncool and lame and not something I have to worry about soon,” his penguin colleague beside him laughs with a dreadfully crazed look in her eyes. She anxiously reaches out for her soda and starts drinking rapidly.

“Wh— it’s not like I can control it or anything. Shit happens!”

“I know, it’s just…” he drawls off as his gaze lowers to the table. Admittedly, it’s difficult for him to hide his expression. So naturally, the two girls noticed his disappointment. Elira and Petra awkwardly look at each other, then to him, then back at each other.

“Hey, it’s okay, Mysta,” Petra says as she pats his back. “You can always see them next time! Like Nijifest!”

The dragon nods, “Yeah! Or you could see them the next time you take a break. Like going on another vacation or something.”

“If I have enough money for it,” he sighed. But he gives them a small smile to appreciate their attempts to soothe him.

Petra frowns. “If? Mysta, you’re literally one of the top livers in EN, like? Hello? Mr. One Million?”

“But I still don’t know when that’s gonna happen. Might as well be in a year or maybe like half a year or something.”

Elira’s eyes narrow. She quietly listens to their conversation, or bickering at this point, while taking some occasional sips of her drink.

For the past practically a year, Elira’s been one of the victims to both of your hopeless gushing.

She already knew about your friendship since you’ve talked a lot about it before. She knows the stupid hijinks and drunken confessions that you and Mysta told her about off stream. Her eyes closes as a confused thought crosses her mind, Seriously, how are you two not dating already?

Of course, she’s quite aware that the rest of Luxiem are both of your victims. Hell, when Elira’s alone with the other boys, it’s usually them talking about how astonishing that you and Mysta aren’t together. Sometimes, they make bets on who’s going to confess first. It’s obvious!

Even with the two going back and forth, practically becoming one with the background, she closes her eyes and hums in thought. Finals should be finished next week, she mused. Her visible eye opens as she takes a glance at the ashy haired male. But he’s been so busy lately that they haven’t spoken with each other…

The entire EN branch had a full schedule for the past few months. In fact, their schedule was so full that sometimes the livers couldn’t make their own streaming schedules nor stream in general. Mysta, of course, was no exception. As one of the most popular livers in EN, he’s one of the most busiest people she’s ever known. On top of that, you too have been busy recently too. You haven’t been able to hang out with him as of late despite being a staff member yourself. Life really likes to fuck anyone over, doesn’t it?

She could tell that you two haven’t been able to find the time to talk with each other. The staff picked up many projects that practically almost everyone is unavailable, and you were one of said unavailable members. The only times the livers could contact you was through Slack or by email for business inquiries. But things should be slightly slowing down, for now that is.

Although, it would be nice to have you two meet each other once at the same time, even if it’s a coincidental encounter.

Wait a minute…

A devious smirk lifts her lips, her eyes glinting with mischief in mind. She chuckles to herself as she entertains the thought. Hell, it even looks kinda creepy to the other patrons. ESPECIALLY to her coworkers who’s now staring at her with confusion and a hint of fear.

“…Elira? Are you okay?” Petra asked the dragon.

“Hm?” She blinks out of her thoughts as the penguin’s voice pulls her back into reality. Elira stares at her and Mysta, who also looks a bit dumbfounded, before grinning at them. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just thought of something.”

Blink blink. “Like what?” Mysta asked this time.

Again, she lets out a chuckle and flicks her wrist to wave off the concern. “Like I said! Don’t worry about it! Y’all will see it eventually.”

Soon enough, the waitress arrives with their orders. Elira turns to face her and helps her with the food. On the other side of the table, the two livers tilt their heads in confusion and eventually give each other an unknowing look as the table is served.

—

You lie in bed snuggled underneath your covers, but the lights are still on as you scroll through Twitter on your phone.

It’s been about a couple weeks since your call with Elira. She’s been sending you updates, videos, and pictures of the group’s adventures in Japan. Sometimes, she’d call you before going to bed to tell you what happened during the trip in case it was a story she couldn’t explain over text. Of course, there were times when another liver like Reimu and Nina would join in the call and give you the tea. As much as you wished you wanted to be there while dying in exams, you felt warm as you saw the livers enjoying themselves on their vacation.

Then, you noticed how fast the month flew by. Eventually, it was time for the livers to fly home and say goodbye for a while. They all had different flights, obviously, but there was a specific person who didn’t leave the country yet.

You were looking on Twitter while watching the members’ story time streams on a pop-up viewer. Although, you didn’t see Mysta’s waiting room or tweet indicating his return to streaming yet.

Suddenly, you remembered why.

“He wants to stay back for a bit,” Elira answered over the sound of her packing. “Dunno why, but I don’t blame him. He was in Japan for work last time.”

That he was. Though disappointing it is that you can’t hang with him for a while longer, at least he’s having fun.

“Oh, remember the thing I asked you about?”

She asked you something? When?

“What thing?” You asked.

“Uh… The souvenir thing?”

Oh shit, you forgot about that. And apparently, she noticed your forgetfulness as indicated by her laughter.

“I got you something,” Elira continued, “but I’ll send it to you when I get back.”

“Why not now? You can just ask headquarters to send it to me.”

“It’s not something in a box though.”

You blinked in confusion, unanswering.

On the other end of the line, you heard her chuckle, “You’ll see.”

Your brief conversation did, in fact, make you scared. Although it’s Elira, your local dependable dragon, sometimes she can be as unpredictable as… well… the rest of Nijisanji. Not just EN, but Nijisanji in general. Remember that one time you watched her stream where she suddenly jumped into a hole in that Forest collab? Yeah…

Now, some time has passed since the trip and she’s been home for about almost a week. It’s something not in a box, right? So what’s taking her so long? Is it digital? Or did she fuck up somewhere with the delivery?

Currently, you’ve been juggling schoolwork, personal work, and work-work. Needless to say, it’s been a stressful time, especially around this type of year. Seriously, why is everyone so goddamn busy around this time? Idle thoughts aside, you’ve also been anxiously waiting for Elira’s souvenir. For the past week, you’d constantly check your phone and your PC for any email or DM from Slack and Discord with Elira’s name attached to it. Every time you get DM’ed or emailed, it’s always been another liver or staff member whose name doesn’t start with Elira and end with Pendora.

But hey, at least you got funny memes from Luca and Mysta in the mean time!

Honestly, at this point, you might as well just give up. Maybe she did run into issues, or she just forgot.

You let out a sigh as you refreshed your feed for the umpteenth time tonight, accompanied by the ghost’s voice eminating through your speakers. Yet suddenly, a notification banner from Discord slides down onto the screen.

Elira Pendora

SURPRISE!!!!

Oh.

Huh.

So she didn’t forget??

Confused yet astonished at the same time, you pull down your notifications bar and tap on the DM to see what she sent.

As the iconic Discord logo pops up on your screen, it eventually loads your conversation with Elira. When you look past your previous chat, a message larger than it should be fills about a third of your screen.

A plane ticket to London next week. Seat number and all. And most notably, it has your name.

…

“HUH?”

You frantically tap on the textbox and type.

You

GIRL

WHAGT THE FUCK IS THIS

Elira Pendora

your souvenir! ☺️

You

WDYM SOUVENIR THATS NOT EVEN RELATED TO JAPAN??? 😭😭😭😭

also

HOW DID YUO GET MY NUMBER??? AND MY EMAIL????? :monkas:

Elira Pendora

I had to pull a few strings with staff

just normal coworker things

You

:thonk:

“normal”

Elira Pendora

but like you should go!!!

I didn’t go through all that just for you to not see him

and you really needed a break so 😎

You

??????

but hes Still in japan?????

Elira Pendora

yeah but he’s flying back home next week

I asked him earlier and had to like try to figure out how to get you to meet him at the same time

or like

around the same time 😌

You

man idk if i should thank you or yell at you

Elira Pendora

LMAO EITHER WORKS IT’S OKAY MAN

better get ready!!!

You

wait what about the hotel

Elira Pendora

what hotel? ☺️

i’m sure he wouldn’t mind letting you stay for a few days tbh

and yes I will also pay for your return trip

You

BUT YOUR LEN FUNDS……

Elira Pendora

I KNOW 😭😭😭

but it’s worth it! go get your man bitch!!

but :thonk:

I think I’ll try to pass out now since I have something scheduled tomorrow soooo

GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

You

gn ewiwa :D

Well! Looks like you have a trip to prepare for.

—

The gray haired detective lounged comfortably in the AirBnB’s living room, resting on the sofa as he scrolled through Twitter. He let out a chuckle here and there, sometimes full on laughing whenever a funny meme popped up on his timeline.

“Meesta!” Elira called out to him from the kitchen island.

He turned around to look at the unusually giddy dragon. Confused, he asked, “What’s up?”

“When are you heading back?”

“Uh…” Pulling out his phone, he quickly went through his gallery to find a screenshot of his ticket. Once he found it, he examined the ticket for its boarding time and date then put it away. “In like a couple or so weeks. I thought I told you?”

“I don’t think you did,” she answered.

She motioned him to give her the device, or at least show her the screen. Of course, he complied. Though insane she is, he does have immense respect for her and Lazulight. Mysta stood up from his seat and approached her. Once in the kitchen area, he flipped his phone towards her, letting her singular visible eye take a peek.

Elira hummed as she inspected the ticket details then pulled back. “Cool. Thanks man!”

She walked away from the kitchen, carrying a glass of water upstairs leaving him even more confused.

It’s been three weeks since his unusual encounter with Elira. He sits idly at a bench by a luggage conveyor in the airport, waiting for his bags to unload from the plane. While waiting, he leans back into his seat and lets out an exhausted sigh. Luckily, no one is seated beside him, so he could just take up all the space on this uncomfortable bench. Still, he couldn’t help but reminisce onto their conversation.

Was she planning something? Was she just curious? What was she cooking?

Now, he’s back in the dreaded land of England, land of the beloathed. He pulls out his phone and immediately checks Discord. The EN server is lively as always, everyone’s practically home but the sense of energy radiates from the screen despite being digital. Like any other liver, he hops in the conversation a bit, sometimes memeing around with the others in the general channel.

Although, he noticed that your icon hasn’t appeared at least once since he landed. He was even paying attention to the top left corner of his screen for a red dot indicating your message. Normally, you’d send him a meme or something to see while he’s asleep or busy. But strangely enough, you haven’t yet. Maybe he should send you something? Or maybe call?

Mysta continues to catch up and reflect on the livers’ vacation in Japan on the server, his attention eventually caught by a familiar bag on the conveyor.

Welp. Looks like he’ll call you later.

—

Thank god Elira had the brain cells to make sure your flight isn’t after his own. Of course, she had to take in account about the flight times since you’re both literally across the globe from each other going to London. To avoid missing him right after landing, you were booked super early into the morning. But sometimes, there’s a possibility that you might be too early when he lands. And, unfortunately, that seems to be the case.

“He lands around midnight,” Elira told you on phone prior to checking in. “So you should be a biiiit early.”

Yeah, by like, 2 hours.

Man, what the hell are you supposed to do for two whole hours? Well, at least you have your phone AND your luggage. You could even people watch in the lobby. But that’s 2 hours!

What’s even more fucked up is that you can’t really use your phone unless you find the wifi. But airport wifi is kinda shitty, especially in England of all places. Talk about a British debuff.

You let out a heavy sigh and collapse into your seat. Napping is out of the question, even though you’re still kind of tired from the flight. Don’t wanna risk missing him by a smidgen, of course. So you ended up roaming around the airport for a while, getting yourself some drinks and snacks to keep you occupied while waiting for your friend. Luckily there were plenty of places to lounge while waiting, so you found a place to sit and enjoy your haul of snacks while waiting.

You did get to connect to the public wifi to look at some memes, but again, it’s the airport wifi. With how slow your phone’s been loading, you eventually disconnect yourself from the wifi after moments of mindless scrolling.

But then you realized something.

You have absolutely no idea what gate he’s in.

Panicked, you scramble to pick up your bags from your side and stand up. Shit, did Elira tell you what airline he took? God, having data in another country would be so helpful. There’s absolutely no way you’re gonna reconnect to the public wifi, it’s too damn slow! If you did have data, you’d look back to your DMs and scrub through your brief conversation from last night.

With a quick glance at your phone, the clock flashes briefly on the screen. 9:20pm, that means his flight’s arriving in less than an hour. Oh shit.

Immediately, you pace briskly throughout the terminals. As you scrounge through the crowds just to take a good look at the terminals, you ask staff for international flights from Japan along the way to help narrow down as much as possible. Throughout the search, you occasionally checked the clock on your phone. 9:40? Shit, his flight should be here now or soon.

“Mysta!” You suddenly shout, passerbys looking at you strangely as you start calling for his name. Your luggage rolls and bumps against the crevices of the floor, bags jostling as you promptly continue your search throughout the terminals. “Mysta Rias!”

Meanwhile, in the same area…

An ashy gray haired man stands in front of the carousel, waiting for the rest of his bags to drop onto the conveyor belt. He pulls out his phone from his pocket, taking a quick glance at his notifications and Discord. His mouth lowers into a frown, his brows furrowing in worry as he notices the lack of notifications from you. Did they really fall asleep?

Clink-clang!

Sunset kissed eyes shift towards the carousel at the sound. Spotting his luggage on the conveyor belt, he walks over to his revolving baggage and lifts them onto the ground. Maybe he’ll shoot you a dm later when he gets home. The handle on his large case clicks as he pulls it up, soon dragging it on its wheels behind him as he heads towards the direction of the exit.

You continue running and searching for him, frantically calling his name throughout the terminal. Your head turns left and right as you look into the surrounding late night crowd, your gaze briefly analyzing each arrival for any hint of his gray hair or his tallness. As you remain standing in the middle of the hall, looking for him, you see a tall man wearing small shades on the bridge of his nose. Gray side hairs framing his face sway into the air as he lugs his bags from the baggage claim and towards the nearest exit.

Without a second thought, your feet starts moving towards him. “Mysta—“ you call. “Mysta!”

After seconds and minutes of searching for him, calling his name and pushing through the crowd as you chase after him. Just a little more…!

“MYSTA!”

And finally… Finally, you see him.

With a clear shout of his name, the gray haired man halts.

Bewildered, he looks left and right until he turns around to see you panting. His heart stopped as he stares at you astonishly. The ambience of the crowd and muffled intercom speakers drowned out as he zoned onto you.

He looked at you.

The person standing just centimeters away from him.

The person who he thought was someone he’d never meet face to face ever.

The person who helped him find a reason to keep going even in the darkest of times.

It felt like hours just staring at each other. It didn’t even feel like there was an ocean of people swarming about and passing by. Without a second thought, Mysta slowly approaches you as if he were to scare you off. As if he didn’t want to wake up, if he is dreaming.

As he gets closer and closer, you didn’t make a move. No, you merely stared at him with wonder and excitement im your eyes.

You both stood across each other, only a few centimeters apart. He blinks several times, even pinching his wrists to disprove his thoughts. But he felt a stinging pain on each part.

An airy huff somewhat resembling a laugh escapes from him. Relief washes over him, and he whispers with a smile, “…Hi.”

You smile back.

“Hi.”

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

I am going to write a scene between two characters that is so improbably emotionally honest.

(or: another exerpt from a fic i'll never finish, entitiled "griddlehark finally talk about stuff" in my drafts.)

-

Gideon wasn't sleeping. Harrow knew this because she also wasn't sleeping. But her own sleeplessness was born of long habit. It was an easy, comfortable insomnia. The dark and quiet were all she had left of home.

Gideon, though, had never been prone to insomnia before. She had always been easily exhausted and prone to oversleeping, rocklike and deaf. And yet, there she was, for the third night in a row, up at odd hours in the safehouse’s kitchen. Harrow could hear her softly shuffling around. She hesitated, considered leaving her to her own devices—what claim, after all, did Harrow have on her anymore? What right had she to butt into any of Gideon's affairs?

But she knew, in the way that she knew almost everything about Gideon, that she was at her worst when feeling abandoned. Harrow would go if she was told to go, but she had to try, at least. She would not abandon Gideon again.

So she went out to the kitchen and found Gideon hunched over the counter, wolfing down plain crackers. This, at least, was somewhat relatable to her.

“Can't sleep?” she asked, as it seemed as good an opener as any.

“Nope.” Gideon did not stop eating as she spoke. “Guess my body's still not in the habit. Being dead and all. Do you know how weird it is to be dead? Your organs just kind of…sit there. But they don't actually do anything. Puts a real damper on all your vital impulses. Like, all of them.”

This was more words than Gideon had said to her in weeks, which was good, even if they were the last words in the world Harrow wanted to hear. She floundered for something to say. Her face must've been doing something, because Gideon looked at it and said, “Oh, right, sorry. Wouldn't want to upset you with the details. Paul told me not to talk about it to you. Be a real shame to show you the consequences of your actions.”

Harrow tried not to react to that, but it hit her like a slap all the same. “I only wanted to save you.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to be saved? Did you ever stop to think, hey, maybe Gideon threw herself on a fencepost because she cared about me and did not want an eternal front-row seat to my continued suffering? No. You didn't. You never thought about what I wanted, you only thought about how you'd lost your favorite chew toy. At least have the decency not to revive the little innocent martyr act from when we were eight. It never fooled me then and it doesn't fool me now. Don't look at me like that.”

“I’m—sorry.”

“You're sorry.”

“I never deserved you. I know that. Not once in my whole miserable life did I deserve to breathe the same air as you. I should've signed your release the day you asked. I should've let you go without conditions and with half our coffers in your pockets. I should’ve begged your forgiveness the first time I said an unkind word to you.”

“You can say that all you like, Harrow, but you never would've.”

“I would now. In a heartbeat. Fat lot of good it does us.”

Gideon shrugged. “I'm not sure I would've left anyway, back then.”

Harrow was startled by that. She could remember Gideon speaking of nothing else, as children. “No?”

“I mean, what would I have even done? Joined the cohort? Been there, done that, and I was bored in a month. I don't know—I don't know. Seems like everything I used to believe in was a sham. My parents. The cohort. You.”

“I don't know how you want me to respond to that.”

“Try telling me the truth.”

Harrow was quiet for a long moment. She had been telling the truth. She needed to find a truth Gideon could believe. Start from there. “You're right. I wouldn't have let you go, when we were children. I could never stand to have you out of arm’s reach, for the same reason you would never have left. I would be at a loss. The fabric of the universe would come unraveled without you. I believed that then, and I've seen evidence of it now.”

“Bullshit, Harrow. You liked having something to play with.”

“You know better than anyone that both can be true, you insufferable, pedantic meathead. You know better than anyone how I felt then, what I feel now. Do you think I was ever stupid enough to believe myself your superior? Do you think I never understood what I was doing? You were the single point around which my entire world revolved. Everything made so much sense, when it was all about you. I have seen my life without you, Griddle, and it was colder and emptier than I had thought possible. In retrospect, the idea that I had endured such a childhood at all should have alerted me to the fact that something was wrong.

“I have never flinched away from my own faults. My inadequacies, perhaps, but not my faults. And I have always known that you were better than I am. I was once in denial, but never truly in ignorance, of the horror of our treatment of you. And yet the only sin you hold against me is that I tried to release you. That I removed you from my reach, relieved you of my beck and call. That is the only thing you have ever refused to forgive me for. Why?”

“You know why.”

“I want you to tell me. For once in your life, just tell me how you feel.”

“I feel stupid. I feel betrayed. I feel like I have not slept properly in a month, because I haven't. I feel like I was a corpse recently, because I was. Is this what you want to hear?”

“I want you to answer the question.”

Gideon stopped, took a deep breath. “We both already know, Harrow. Why do you need me to tell you?”

“Plausible deniability.”

She hesitated for a very long time. “I never wanted to be separated from you, either. I kidded myself about being your rightful equal when we were kids, but I don't think I even believe that now. My life was always going to be—you. I knew that. I just. Became alright with it. At some point. It was like—like, imagine if someone took your bones away, or something. The ones you carry around in your pockets, I mean, not the ones in your body. But kinda those too? Like, if everything that made you you was suddenly stripped away and you were useless. And I had to watch, Harrow, all of it, knowing I could help you. Knowing I could save you, if only you'd let me fulfill my only purpose that ever really mattered.”

[donationwayne]

WIP WEDNESDAY

tagged by @disasterbuck

He lights up when Bobby and Athena arrive with Harry and May in toe. May sits behind the booth in Buck’s chair and happily eats cupcakes, paid for by Bobby. Harry on the other hands goes in search of Denny and Chris on the playground. Bobby gives him a hug and Buck smiles big and wide. “Thanks for coming!” “Hey, baby.” Athena says, looking over his table. He leans down to allow her to place a kiss on his cheek. “Hey, ‘Thena,” He glances over at Bobby who is inspecting the display. “Why don’t you just call her mom already?” May asks with a catty grin, tossing a cupcake wrapper into the trash. Buck is saved from responding by the appearance of one of the counselors. “Hello, you two must be Mr. Buckley’s parents. Its so nice to meet Chris’ grandparents, I’m glad you two are already getting so active in the school. We love our little community.” May from her spot behind the table appears absolutely delighted by the turn of events. Buck isn’t sure who is more shell shocked: himself, Bobby, or Athena. Athena recovers the quickest, “That’s us.” Buck feels a bit like a teenager all over again while Athena and Bobby talk about Buck’s accomplishments, or lack there of in front of the table of sweets. “You’re the talk of the bake sale, people are raving about those cupcakes.” The counselor tells him and Buck feels himself blush in embarrassment. “Anyways, just wanted to introduce myself, thanks for coming out tonight.” “Where’s Eddie?” May asks, around a mouthful of cupcake, now unimpressed by the havoc the counselor had wrought after the lack of drama. “Also if anyone asks about ages, I’m just going to tell everyone Buck had a teen pregnancy.” “You’re worse than Hen and Karen,” Buck threatens throwing a napkin at her head. “I take that as a compliment. Now, where’s your fiancé?” “Wandering,” Buck says, ‘He went to check on Chris earlier but he hasn’t come back yet.” “He abandoned you, are you sure he’s the one?” May teases and Buck comes around the table to attack her. She giggles and screams when he throws her over his shoulder and heads towards the doors where he knows there’s a fountain. A few of the other parents and staff look at them fondly. He holds her over the fountain while she scrabbles to hold on to him, apologizing and shouting and giggling. When the return they’re both wiping away tears of laughter. That’s the moment Eddie chooses to show back up. “Hey Cap, Athena!” Buck turns and sees Eddie closing the distance, there’s a smudge of strawberry something on his cheek like maybe he’d been off eating sweets not created by Buck himself. “Are you cheating on me with another pastry? Is that what took so long?” Buck accused teasingly.

Hello, this fic won't be out for roughly forever but this is mostly what I've been working on. This is my first sneak peak at the big bang fic I'm working on!!!!

If you want to be tagged when it finally releases please let me know!!!

Context: Buck is working a bake sale at Chris' school. Eddie and Buck are faking as fiances so Eddie could get Chris in (was it necessary? No. Did they do it anyways? Yes.)

Anyway, have a scene of a Buck and May siblingism.

Its the end of the day already so I won't tag anyone but if you wanna do it please tag me so i can see!!!!! <3

ALSO IF THERE IS TYPOS PLEASE IGNORE THIS IS DRAFT ONE BABY

[mammamiagoth]

Pulp | Bo Sinclair x Reader

warning: smut, subby bo, handjob, edging, piv, unprotected sex, creampie, degradation, no mention of genitalia/gender neutral, bo refers to reader as mama (no mommy kink tho), fluffy ending.

a/n: i found this in my drafts and was possessed by the horny spirit to finish it and i’m not mad about it. i do mention bo being bound bc it’s hot and i wanted to and he loved it so don’t come for me.

“You look so pretty like this, baby,” you coo, your breath ghosting over Bo’s bounding pulse, the thick chords of muscle tensing at the sensation.

You hadn’t lied, he really did look beautiful— body bound and pliant, his skin balmy with perspiration, pupils blown from the combination of lust and desperation he was drunk on. Hours of edging had worn him out, his pleas for release morphing into frayed syllables, his eyes welling up with tears.

“Does my pretty baby need to cum?”

He can only nod in response, his hips rutting into your palm as you stroke him at a torturously slow pace. You delight in the way his cock twitches at your dulcet tone, your words giving him false hope, but Bo knows better than to think you’ve had your fill.

The languid momentum you’d built up did little to satisfy him— it was by design, every touch purposefully pushing him toward the precipice of relief, only for your hand to recede.

You see the bob of his adam’s apple, his voice coarse when he grits out “baby—fuck— baby please,” pathetic in his attempt for your mercy.

You only smile cruelly in response, amused with the man beneath you, but you remain intent on breaking him. Fingers lithe as they tease his aching cock, up and down with a noncommittal grip that makes him arch upward.

“If you keep that up, I might not let you cum at all.” The words are sadistic but your features remain soft as ever, a syrupy sweetness in your tone that could rival honey.

The click in his jaw is unmistakable, reminding you of just who you’re dealing. You revel in the fact that only you can reduce him to tears, have him impotent to your every whim with a single look— probably less.

You hear him mumble through clenched teeth, an apology, barely coherent with the way he’s fumbling his words.

“What was that, handsome?” You tenderly stroke his chin while your other hand grips his girth at the base with enough force to have Bo lurching forward.

He recovers quickly, though his voice is noticeably strained when he speaks again. “I’m sorry, just— please, mama, I need it so fuckin’ bad,” his baby blues finally spilling over in time for you to lick away the briny trail.

This was the Bo you loved the most, submissive and malleable. None of that macho bullshit— you’d never cared for it much anyway. He was so much more than that, and hell, he did apologize…

“Oh honey,” you mock but begin stroking him more purposefully, his breath hitching in relief. “I’ll let you cum, you just gotta tell me who’s cock this is.”

He looks at you, steeling his visage before answering “it’s yours, mama. All of me, it’s yours.”

And with that, you move to straddle him, your panties pulled to the side as you lower yourself down with a strangled “fuck.”

Bo looks a mess, a moments notice from spilling inside you and the sight alone is nearly enough to send you over the edge. He says nothing as you grind above him, letting you take from him, completely at your mercy.

“I’m so close, Bo,” you cry out, making sure to meet his covetous gaze, “but if you don’t cum with me, you don’t cum at all.”

At the sound of his strangled moans, you clench around him, creaming his cock as he writhes in desperation. You almost miss it with the way your ears are ringing, hours of built up tension leading to this singular moment, his face contorted in pleasurable bliss as he spills inside of you. The warmth pulsates and envelopes you both. You let your head fall to his shoulder, hands wandering down to release his binds. Bo wastes no time to pull you into his chest, a steak of dominance you let him indulge in.

“Damn, mama,” he rasps, lips pressed to your head. “You drained me fuckin’ dry.”

You can’t help but giggle, satisfied and sated to the bone when you see how fucked out he looks. His eyelids flutter, heavy with sleep. It’s endearing, the way you can render him dazed, forever under your thumb when everyone else remains at arms length.

“Come on, big guy,” you yawn, letting yourself melt into the man beneath you. “Let’s go to bed.”

[kermitkrqb]

The Usual pt. 3 || Tyler Galpin x reader

A/N: I was going to release this part earlier but tumblr screwed me over and deleted my draft. I had to rewrite it all, fun times 😃. Also wanted to make you guys squirm a bit before I released it haha. ANYWAYS, this is the final part! 🥳

What to expect: Gender neutral reader, reader is a flirt, Tyler is so down bad, no spoilers!!!

Tyler had been anticipating closing time for the rest of his shift. In any other scenario he hated working the closing shift, usually due to the occasional straggler who would stumble in just before close and try to convince him to make them “just one drink” after he had already cleaned the machines. Tyler scoffed at the mere thought, he doesn’t get payed enough for that. With one final sweep of his broom, the brunette finished the last of his closing duties, sitting down in the booth with the two hot chocolates laid out on the table. As if on cue, you strolled through the door, offering the boy a small wave as you sat across from him. A warm smile spread across Tyler’s face, “You came.” You took a sip from the disposable cup, indulging in the flavour, “Of course. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” The coffee boy grinned tilting his head slightly, “Me or the hot chocolate?” You smirked playfully teasing, “The hot chocolate of course,” you held the cup in your hand examining it once more, “in all seriousness, how do you make these? They’re so good, it’s actually insane!”

Tyler smirked, “A barista never reveals his secrets! Besides, it gives you an excuse to see me.” Placing your cup on the table before you, you leaned in, “Oh please, like I need an excuse to see you.” Bringing the cup to your mouth you took another sip, admiring the richness of the chocolate you groaned, “God, I might have to start coming back to you everyday.” The curly haired boy grinned at your reaction, “Yeah? I have that effect on people.” You playfully gasped, “Get your mind out of the gutter, Galpin!” Tyler retorted, “Get my mind out of the gutter? How ‘bout you? We’re talking about hot chocolate obviously.” You played along rolling your eyes, “Obviously.” Tyler admired the smile that now adorned your face, and then decided to tease you more, “Careful now, wouldn’t want your eyes to pop out.” Grinning at him you joked, “Wouldn’t be the first time.” Tyler watched as you took another sip, deciding to fill in the silence, “I still don’t know your name y’know.” You smirked, a twinkle of mischief in your eyes, “Oh I know.”

The barista groaned at your response, his honey eyes stared into yours as he pleaded, “Please don’t leave me on another cliffhanger.” You held eye contact with the boy’s expectant eyes, “Don’t you worry. I’m not that mean,” you paused, “Y/n. Y/n L/n.” Tyler smiled softly, “Pretty. Now I can finally put a name to that face.” He looked down at the cup you held, “You really like hot chocolate, don’t you?” You tilted your head, sarcasm dripping from your voice, “However could you tell?” The brown eyed boy played along, “I had an inkling.” The two of you spent the next hour or so conversing in all sorts of random topics before you checked the time on your watch. You swore under your breath, “Shit. I’ve got to get back to my dorm before Thornhill starts getting suspicious,” you glanced at the Galpin boy before smirking, “This date was really nice. Yet again, I’d expect nothing less from my favourite coffee boy.” You threw the empty cup in the bin, waving once again at the pale boy before turning on your heel. Tyler stood up almost knocking the table over before he rushed to you, grabbing your hand as gently as he could in his state, “You have got to stop walking out on me,” he chuckled, “Can I at least get your number?”

Grinning sheepishly at his accusation, you moved your hand to summon the pen on the counter that was now in your reach. Gently turning over his hand you wrote your digits down careful not to smudge them. Turning once again you were about to leave the Weathervane, although, his sweet hand never left yours. Spinning you around, you tilted your head in confusion, “Wha-” He spoke in a hushed whisper, “You forgot something.” Cupping your face, Tyler leaned in silently waiting for your approval. Just as desperate, you nod, and the boy’s soft lips are on yours moving perfectly in sync. Your breath hitched as you clutched the collars of his uniform, pulling him impossibly closer as he kissed you like a starving man. To the honey eyed boy it felt electric, sparks filling his chest as he got lost in you. He wished for the moment to never end, scared that you would slip away through his fingers like sand but, he would be seeing more of you than he thought. Catching your breath you pulled away with slightly swollen lips and a flushed face, “See you again tomorrow, Tyler.”

A/N: Tyler finally unlocked first name privileges!! Go him! 🥳

[project-doomsday]

DD Progress/Updates 21

Hello everyone!!! It’s me EMatooney back at it again with mooooooorreeeee stuff!! Happy 4th of July!! 🎆🎇 Even tho it isn’t right now at the time of posting this but eh close enough!!

Besides all that I have an extremely wonderful, WONDERFUL news!

Introducing my newest team member @edgy-artkid!!!

I cannot express how happy this makes me to have a member working on this project!! Since the beginning this dude has always supported me and I will always always be thankful for that!! I am touched from the bottom of my heart!!! 🥹🥹🥹 Thank you so much @edgy-artkid and welcome to the team!!! Make sure you support him!!

Edgy and I will start working together after I have already released pages 13 - 16. I’ll be in charge of the rough drafts and line art while Edgy will be in charge of the coloring. After that, I’ll top it all off with the rendering!!!

Speaking of pages, progress is slow but definitely steady! Dib is halfway colored in now! After that I’ll begin the background art. I’m sure now that I have a new member things will definitely go much more smoothly! I’m so excited!!! Watch us fly, mama!!!! 🤣🤣

Anyways, I know I just said this but I’m truly grateful to have someone work with me. If you spoke to me 2 years ago that I’ll be getting popular AND getting a team member I would’ve thought you were crazy!! And now look, just look at how far I’ve come!! I know this might be silly but to me? This means everything. I’ve had dreams about this and it’s finally come true. I must be the happiest person on earth right now.

This is why you must never give up on your dreams. If you fight and continue doing the things you love and put a lot of effort into it it’s guaranteed to come true! It may take a long time, it may take a day! But it will come as long as you have faith in yourself and the pride that you have for the things you love. I promise.

Thank you all again for sticking with me! Let’s give a huge applause for @edgy-artkid!!!

With all my love,

- EMatooney ❤️❤️❤️

[bitchinbarzal]

Vancouver | J.Hughes

summary: after a hurtful breakup he never thought he’d hear her voice again.

not entirely sure what this is but have it anyway

-

Through high school and all the junior clubs he went through, Jack stayed devoted to you and your relationship.

It surprised a lot of people. He was the supposed heartbreaker and player of the group of friends but he proved everyone wrong.

It all went downhill after the draft.

You’d been alongside him when he was drafted, cheering the loudest alongside his family. You were so proud of him.

He wasn’t like Quinn, he didn’t want to take time out or go slow into his career. When he heard first pick it went straight to his head.

It hurt to see what he became right infront of your eyes. He made the move straight to Jersey, threw himself into the team and proving himself to the organisation while pushing you away in the meantime.

The breakup was slow and he was oblivious. You’d stayed in Michigan after he left so the phone calls got fewer and fewer, you stop flying out to visit so much and even stopped hanging out with his family.

It became final when you flew out to Jersey to watch a game. He hadn’t done much with you being there and when the weekend ended and you had your bags packed you held onto him for just a little longer.

“Goodbye J” you mumbled, a slight crack in your voice.

“I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the red wings game, right? No need to be upset babe”

You shook your head “No, Jack I- I don’t think I can do this any longer”

“What? What are you talking about?”

He reached out for your hand but you pulled away

“I lost you Jack-“ “I’m right here! What are you on about?”

You were trying so hard not to get upset “I lost you, the real you, my Jack back in Vancouver. The day you became Jack Hughes the devil I lost you”

He had been rendered speechless, stumbling back a few steps.

“Goodbye Jack”

No reply. Just the sound of your suitcase wheels squeaking out the door for the last time.

He was heartbroken.

The days, weeks, months following he reflected on everything that had happened since he had been drafted.

Maybe you were right.

He’d tried filling the void with random party girls, set ups and dating app girls but nothing ever came close.

His family saw you around still. You went to lunch with Luke oftentimes but he never told Jack about it.

You’d told him that you’d dropped out of college and signed a record deal. You were finally getting your dream of creating music, being a voice and being heard.

“We’re really proud of you - all of us. We’re just really sorry”

“Everything happens for a reason Lu, I’m okay”

The first song you produced hit number one on the charts days after it’s release, it was all over social media.

It was the off season and the Hughes’ were all home at the lake house with their friends. Fourth of July, everyone was over.

Someone had brought out a speaker to the deck, tuning in the radio and turning up the volume to the max volume.

“and next up we have a brand new artist on the scene, she’s still young but she’s already broken the internet with her sound. this is vancouver by y/n y/l/n”

Everyone quietened down, some throwing glances Jack’s way as the music began.

He looked straight at the speaker as if it were you standing there.

He never thought he’d hear your voice again.

“-but I lost you in vancouver, it’s still so cold”

“I lost you when the devil got a hold”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe mid way through the song, standing up to excuse himself. He broke down in the living room still hearing your voice in the background.

Ellen rushed in behind him, holding onto him from the back whispering “It’s okay, you’re okay sweetheart”

“Mom-“ “I know baby, I know it’s okay”

He wasn’t the same that summer and returned to Jersey sooner than planned just throwing himself into work.

The season opener brought plenty questions from the media

“Jack, you signed a huge contract this off season. How do you feel? What’s the plan?”

“Um yeah, I mean I think I just gotta keep my head down and prove to the organisation we can continue what we started back in Vancouver, I lost a lot to get to this point and I’m gonna make sure it wasn’t for nothing. I’ve got a lot of people behind me to support so I just gotta do what I can”

At home, you sat watching the interview

“I’ll always be behind you J, you got this”

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Excellent Bugle episode this week, episode 4311. I’d wondered for the last couple of days why it hadn’t come out, because they’re usually recorded around Saturday and released on Mondays. This one came out on Wednesday, and as soon as I started listening to it, of course I understood why. They presumably waited a couple of extra days to record to see if more news would unfold in the Trump situation, so they wouldn’t have to talk about something that people knew nothing about.

I guess it’s also worth taking a bit of time to plan your wording instead of responding to that incident immediately after it happens. Find a way to say both “Obviously you shouldn’t assassinate people” and “We still hate that guy though”, strike the balance in a way that won’t have the Daily Mail announcing WOKE SOCIALIST COMEDIANS SUPPORT POLITICALLY-MOTIVATED MURDER AND JACK BLACK WON’T MAKE MUSIC WITH THEM ANYMORE. I think they did a pretty good job of avoiding that, though Andy might have toed the line a little when he read out a list of victims of successful assassinations who deserved to die less than Trump did. I enjoyed that list.

Anyway, I was pleased when the episode appeared in my podcast app this morning, and even more pleased when I clicked and saw the lineup. Andy Zaltzman, Tom Ballard, Chris Addison. Tom Ballard hasn’t been on The Bulge in a while so it was nice to have him back – he was there in person, as he’s doing WIPs in London right now. Which I know because I’ve been checking the London comedy venues for stuff to see while I’m there, and learned that I could see a Tom Ballard WIP if I were there just a few days earlier. But it’s all right that I’ll miss it, since I’m seeing him in Edinburgh. I think his current WIPs are less about working out the show in general, as he did have it finished, but more about translating the Australian politics-focused material to Britain for an Edinburgh run/British tour. I’m really looking forward to seeing the show.

So I was pleased to hear from Tom Ballard on The Bugle again, but I have to say, the only small downside to this fantastic episode is that Tom Ballard didn’t actually get all that much of a look-in. And that’s not due to any weaknesses in what he had, it’s because he was on with Chris Addison, and the other guests always get pushed to the side of the edit when they’re on with Chris Addison, and rightly so.

I’ve said before that Chris Addison is an amazing Bugle guest because he doesn’t do stand-up anymore. The Bugle isn’t a fully improvised podcast; Andy and the guests turn up with prepared material on topical subjects and then present it and react to each other’s stuff. But most of the time, the comedians are writing for lots of different things at once, and put down a few bullet points worth of ideas for stuff to say on The Bugle. If one of those ideas is deemed good enough to make their stand-up show, they’ll polish it up for that. The version they take to The Bugle is their rough draft.

But not Chris Addison. He doesn’t have a stand-up show to be the final version, or other areas to spread out his ideas. He’s writing multiple finished, polished stand-up monologues for each topic they discuss. He’s throwing all his gold at The Bugle, because he doesn’t have to save any for anywhere else. Andy and other Bugle guests have stopped more than once during his episodes to admire his work/admonish him for making everyone else look bad. One time when Nish Kumar did this after one of Addison’s routines, Chris Addison explained that he just comes across this way because The Bugle is the only opportunity he’s had to write new comedy material in over ten years, and he misses it and enjoys that chance. Which made me say, how many other talents are being wasted out there because Andy Zaltzman didn’t work with them in the early 2000s and put them on the Bugle 15-20 years later? How many brilliant comedians don’t write stand-up material anymore, but are just itching for a chance to do it again, if only an old friend would invite him on a podcast?

That’s what Chris Addison does normally, and this latest episode was no exception. If anything, I think he was on stronger form than usual. He had multiple monologues across the episode that were formatted like a proper, fully-formed stand-up routine. He had tags on tags, of the sort that most comedians only develop after months of WIPs where they think of one or two more words at a time. One of his monologues had a callback to something from a previous monologue. Oh my God, Chris, just fucking book some stand-up gigs again. You can still write your sitcoms and whatever else you’re doing.

So that was great, once again. But that isn’t actually the reason I wanted to write this post. The reason I’m writing this post is to call attention to this exchange, from fairly early into the episode:

Andy Zaltzman: I’d like the Republican Party to become a serious political organization again. That’s right up there with my absolute top pipe dreams, along with eternal peace; guilt-free foie gras; a functioning rail network; compulsory lanyards for all – everywhere, all the time, so we don’t have to remember anyone’s name; a ceasefire in the culture wars – and an equitable and lasting ceasefire, not just one that bumps all the problems down the road, [cough] Versailles; competent top-level administration that safeguards the future of Test cricket for at least the next 4,000 years; and having a head like an orange. Those are my top pipe dreams. Chris Addison: [laughs] That’s a very, very good – very in-joke.

That is an excerpt from Bugle episode 4311, released on July 16 but recorded on July 15, 2024. Now I would like to draw your attention to an excerpt from a questionnaire that sketch comedy duo Zaltzman and Oliver filled out about their 2004 Edinburgh Festival show, published on BBC.co.uk on July 28, 2004:

If the Edinburgh fairy could grant your wish, what would your wish for? AZ: A head like an orange. JO: A head like an orange.

Here’s the important thing about those two quotes: I have carefully combed through the entire individual and combined back catalogues of Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver, and I am pretty confident that those are the only two references ever made to having a head like an orange. This includes within the two sources – I have quoted the entire relevant passage both times, there is no context around it to explain what the hell they’re talking about. They made this joke one time in 2004, I read that questionnaire ages ago and wondered what they were talking about, and now they’d done it again, nearly exactly 20 years later. Like, within two weeks of being exactly twenty years later. And they will not tell us what they mean.

Now, it is possible that I’m just forgetting something here. The fact that Chris Addison recognized the joke in 2024, and that it apparently originated in 2004, makes me wonder if it could have been from The Department, the radio show that Andy Zaltzman, John Oliver, and Chris Addison wrote and starred in together in 2004-2006. I’ve heard every episode of that show a few times each and I don’t remember anything about a head like an orange, but it was pretty dense writing so I could have missed it.

The other possibility is that this is something from Political Animal, the stand-up night that Zaltzman and Oliver ran in London/in Edinburgh during the festival, starting 2003. They’d host it and other comedians would come on to do exclusively political stand-up material, and I know Chris Addison was one of the people who performed there a lot in the early days (Andy, you need to re-start Political Animal in 2024, just so you can make Chris Addison do a set). Some of this got recorded for BBC Radio 4 as well, and there were a lot of weird Zaltzman and Oliver sketches that appeared in the radio show in between the guests, and someone having and/or wanting a head like an orange seems like the sort of thing that could have happened in one of those sketches. I don’t remember it happening, but it’s been a while since I’ve heard that show, so it could have been in there. Even if it never appeared on the radio show, my best guess for the origin of the Orange Mystery is that it was some inside joke from their many Political Animal live shows that didn’t get recorded.

I really want to know this now. I wanted to know before, that 2004 questionnaire is one of my favourite of the weird like Zaltzman and Oliver historical relics. But I want to know even more now that it’s been referenced for only the second ever that I can remember, twenty years later, and we have confirmation that Chris Addison knows what it means. But he’s not telling. And neither is Andy.

I mean, they didn’t tell us, there. Didn’t say they’d never tell. I do pay The Bugle approximately $28/month – by far my most expensive monthly direct debit (well over twice the amount that I pay every month for any other one thing, besides, you know, rent and bills), even though I keep telling myself I need to be careful with money and should probably cancel that one because I can’t quite afford it, but I’ve taken so much free entertainment from Andy Zaltzman that it feels like the least I owe him.

The point is that because I pay this much money, I am a premium subscriber who can access their monthly show in which Andy answers questions submitted by premium subscribers. I just recently wrote a post about how I tend to be horrifically embarrassed by the thought of interacting with comedians I like, normally I’d never do this. But I’m thinking I might, in this case. It’s a reasonable question, isn’t it? Why does Andy Zaltzman want a head like an orange? I might send that in. Interacting with famous comedians does feel slightly more justified if I've paid for the privilege.

It originated way too early to be a Trump joke, no one was talking about his orange head in 2004. I keep trying to picture a head like an orange, in the hopes that that that will jog my memory of some other time when that image has been in my head, perhaps due to some other reference that I’d heard Zaltzman and Oliver make to it but had since forgotten. But every time I think of it, all I can picture is the curious orange from This Morning with Richard Not Judy, and that’s not it. I have never heard Zaltzman and/or Oliver reference Lee and/or Herring, I can’t imagine they’d start with this. My only other vague guess is maybe a joke about the colour of Andy’s hair? But why?

@lastweeksshirttonight @nyomkitten @bimwi, any of the Tumblr Buglers recognize this? Can any of you read this post and say, "How on Earth is Meerkats forgetting the very obvious [old Bugle episode in which they clearly explain their in-joke about a head like an orange, which I am somehow the only idiot who can't remember]?" Because if none of you tell me that's the case, then I'm emailing Andy Zaltzman to ask. Well, I'm emailing Producer Chris, and I'll just have to hope he puts the question to Andy.

Although I recently heard someone else get the opportunity to put just one question to a comedian, and they went with "Fuck marry kill - Rob Beckett, Ricky Gervais, Daniel Kitson", and it did make me think that is the perfect use of an opportunity to ask a comedian one question, and that should be the only question asked by any fan who's ever in such a situation again. Sorry to betray that by asking about a head like an orange instead. Andy Zaltzman and Daniel Kitson sharing a stage/radio studio has delivered some of the most awkward, social chemistry-free energy I've ever heard, so I'm sure he'd have a fun answer to that question too. He might have to let Ricky Gervais live just so he could avoid a marriage or sexual situation in which someone made him do a Marvin Gaye impression in the middle of it.

Edit: Okay, I've been informed that apparently there is an old joke about a man wishing for a head like an orange from a genie? I'd never heard it before but a guy I knew from England told me it was quite well known (and showed me a link to an American site, so apparently they had it there). I had never heard of this. Am I the only person who'd never heard of this? It hadn't occurred to me that Andy Zaltzzman would be referencing a joke he hadn't invented.