#anyway I wanted to write some kind of response to all the hate I’ve been getting for this

[overthinkinglotr]

This post has led to straight people literally coming to my blog to threaten me with death and genocide. That’s how you know it’s accurate . ❤️❤️❤️ Conservatives are so sad they’re missing out on something as beautiful and powerful as Gay LOTR, which their puny monkey brains are incapable of imagining,….and the more they shriek about how it cant possibly exist because they haven’t experienced it, the more I know that I was RIGHT with this post. So sad hope they get well soon ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Also a special “fuck you” to all the moronic gay people in the replies/tags saying “I’m gay but this post is offensive somehow and I agree with the conservatives”— I hope you know the people you’re joining this dogpile with literally want you dead! <333 being gay doesn’t make you smart, and it’s sad how easily you fall for homophobic fascist propaganda as long as it’s framed as “defending traditional friendship values from the disgusting degenerate gays.” Here’s my hot tip for you— don’t be a ‘pick me’ gay! Don’t act like you’re ‘not like other gays!’ you can’t appease homophobes because they literally want to kill you, and any shallow pretense of “defending friendship” is just the excuse they’re using to kill you! ^_^ <333 Hope that helps! ❤️

It’s also interesting to contrast the LOTR cast talking about the possible queerness of the story (openly gay Ian McKellan talking about how the queerness was something that drew him to the books, Sean Astin and Elijah Wood both recently expressing that queer interpretations of the story are valid/nice/deserve to be respected), ……..with the insane insecurity of people who will sling slurs/Nazi propaganda at you and then threaten you with genocide for even lightheartedly suggesting gay interpretations are possible. XD. These monsters also apparently want to massacre the very people who created the things they supposedly “enjoy.”

Which makes sense, because fascists don’t view art as a way to help you make sense of the world and your experiences, or even as a way to connect with the art’s creator— they view art as a possible weapon to beat people with. Art is meaningless to them unless it can function as violent propaganda, as a weapon they can use in their genocidal crusade against “degenerates.”

The fascists in my notes/inbox weren’t who I was talking about when I mentioned having conversations with people who watched the movies “in a funhouse mirror alternate reality.’ (I was just thinking about ordinary inoffensive clueless straight grandmothers who aren’t hurting anyone, and I wasn’t being judgemental at all- I was just making a lighthearted observation based on funny awkward conversations I’ve had. And I don’t apologize for it, because I was correct. If anything my mistake was that I treated ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ interpretations as if they were on completely equal footing, instead of straight interpretations being dominant and gay interpretations being something marginalized we have to fight for because people are attempting to violently eradicate them.) But yeah these horrible people definitely exist in their own vile awful cruel world.

Idk how to phrase this but Gay Lord of the Rings and Straight Lord of the Rings are two completely different trilogies. hilariously different. I hear straight people talk about lord of the rings and it’s like they watched the movies in a bizarre funhouse mirror alternate reality 

[therealcocoshady]

Why even brother with this kinky month when you never upload on time.. your‘re not really a responsible person and people want to read recovery anyway

You do realize I’m not paid for this blog, right ? That I do it for fun and in my free time, right ? And most importantly : bloggers, fanfic writers and creative writers do not owe anyone shit 🤡.

We produce content that you guys consume for free. We do so on our free time and do not expect anything in return. We’re grateful for every single like, reblog and kind Ask but you need to realize that we don’t get much out of it. I might as well keep what I write in my notes app. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with entitled readers. 🤡

« Why even bother with this kinky month ? » because it’s a writing challenge and it’s fun. I know I’m arguably not skilled at writing smut and kinky shit so I take it as an opportunity to explore and get better. That’s why.

« You never upload on time » I do my best. There, I said it. But in case you’re wondering, I am a real person, with a real life and a real job. I have shit to do. And while I did give a schedule as an indication, you people need to understand that life gets in the way. You could have chosen to be grateful that I’ve uploaded more in the past 6 days than I have in the past month but obviously not 🤡 If you want some robot to produce content at will for you, just get a premium account on one of those AI thingies. Or better yet, commission writers.

« You’re not really a responsible person » sorry for being irresponsible for making my health, family and job a priority. How very irresponsible of me not to drive myself to burnout for a writing challenge.

« People want to read recovery anyway » well that’s too damn bad. I’ll upload the new chapter for recovery when I’m satisfied with it. Same goes for any Kinktober episode. I’d rather not upload than publish anything I hate.

I had to address this nasty comment. From someone who knew they’d better hide and stay anon, mind you. 🤡 now, if anyone wants to come at me on this fine-ass Monday morning, feel free to, but don’t be surprised if I clap back at your entitlement.

But most of all : thank you to all the people who have been ACTUALLY KIND. 🥰 That Kinktober thing and the new Eminem updates have brought tons of new people here and I’m grateful (albeit a tad nervous). I’ve received tons of encouragements and I am really thankful for this. 🥰

[magicalrocketships]

hi! are you planning to write more of de-aged max bc he is just so cute it’s giving me a heart attack. saw a tiktok the other day w photos of baby max and all i could think about was this verse!!!!! ahhh lysm

Thank you!!! Here is a little bit more, in honour of grown up Max's adventures with colouring in.

(Hopefully this link shows the stuff I’ve already posted in chronological order. But anyway, this bit follows directly on from this part.)

It has been five full days since a seven year old Max showed up at Daniel's door in too-big clothes and holding out a little card with Daniel's name carefully printed on it in grown up Max's blocky handwriting. Baby Max shows no signs of going big again. He follows Daniel around his apartment, looks at his flag book, and plays with the Jimmy or Sassy cats — no further narrowing down of cat identity has occurred, due to Daniel having little to no interest in identifying cat penises, and grown up Max's complete fucking inability to put his fucking cat names on a fucking collar, or, indeed, to have informed Daniel of his Go Small plans at any point in the past three fucking years, but that's fine, Daniel is fine with this responsibility. Max has wet the bed every night and Daniel is just having to cross his fingers that he's not making everything worse by each and every decision he makes.

Anyway: if grown up Max doesn't show up again extremely soon, Daniel's going to have to bite the bullet and call Christian and tell him Max isn't going to be able to race. Max will hate that when he's back, if Daniel brakes too soon and makes the call, and more than that, it's going to turn baby Max into a Thing, and if there's one thing Daniel has learned in the last five days, it's that Max one hundred percent does not want to be a thing of any kind.

So, it's time for Emergency Measures. Maybe what will kickstart baby Max back into adulthood in time for his next race will be a race track, and go-karting. Daniel takes advantage of Max being distracted by his coloured pencils in the living room to google nearby karting tracks, and sends the nearest one a message to see if he could book out the whole track for a private session. The answer comes back with an immediate yes, which is probably in some part due to the figure Daniel had dropped in his message about how much he's willing to pay for the privilege.

He leans against the doorframe into the living room. Max is concentrating very closely on his colouring book, his coloured pencils all out on the coffee table. A little something in Daniel's chest shifts a bit.

"Maxy-Max," Daniel says, half way through his email response to the karting track. "Would you like to go karting tomorrow?"

There is a pause. "No, thank you, Daniel." Max does not look up from his colouring book, nor does he stop colouring.

Daniel also pauses. Max's little fingers hold onto his pencil tighter. He's pressing down hard on the picture.

"Okay," Daniel says. "Would you like to go another day, if we don't go tomorrow?"

"No, thank you, Daniel," Max says again. He still doesn't look up. His pencil might tear through the paper soon.

Daniel's been reading up on Going Small. Well, googling randomly when he can't sleep. Most people tend to think about Going Small as a way of connecting with your kid self, like… remembering who you once were in case maybe you wanted to stop being such a cunt or that you always wanted to sew clothes or build bridges and maybe your hedge fund job isn't as fulfilling as you maybe thought it was. Some people say it's as much for the people around you as it is about you, but whatever. Daniel had had a great fucking time in the pit lane six years ago, he remembers that much, although the detail has always been fuzzy. Like it happened a very long time ago. But there's another school of thought, one about the kids that don't age back up after a day or a couple of days, the kids who maybe lost a part of their childhood the first time around. Daniel's never met anyone who stayed small longer than a couple of days though, and it's so rare that the theory could be complete bollocks, and no one would ever know anyway. You can't battle data against the universe, it's not like race strategy. There's no science to it.

Max continues not to look at him. He's colouring the same line over and over again.

Daniel closes his email app, and slips his phone into his pocket. "Can I come and colour with you?"

Max nods, but doesn't look up. His fingertips are white around his pencil. He's used it down to the nub so that it's almost too blunt to colour with.

Daniel tries to sit down on Max's right side, but Max shakes his head and makes him come and sit on his left. Daniel positions himself cross-legged by the coffee table and it becomes clear just why Max wanted him this side when, a moment later, Max's little hand slips into Daniel's bigger one. Daniel does not now have a hand to colour with, but maybe it doesn't matter, because Max is colouring with enough concentration for the two of them, a big picture of a train with a cat sitting in the window next to the driver. He's being very careful. He still doesn't look up.

One of the Jimmy or Sassys wanders over to curl up by Max's little Pikachu-socked foot. The other one, the one who doesn't like being petted as much and prefers to watch you in a creepy and furry way while you're doing perfectly normal things sitting on the toilet or in the shower, perches on top of Daniel's shelves and stares at them.

Max's grip on his pencil loosens a little. Daniel leans over and kisses the top of his head. "You're very good at colouring," he tells Max. "We can cut out ones you've finished and put them up on the wall, if you'd like."

Max looks at him then, his eyes big and wide. "My pictures?"

"Your pictures," Daniel agrees. He reaches for the Pikachu pencil sharpener in the middle of the table. "Can I sharpen your pencil for you?"

Max dutifully hands him his blue pencil. His eyes are still shining, even though Daniel's had to stop holding his hand so that he can sharpen it for him. When he hands it back, all sharp, Max tucks his hand into Daniel's again.

"You've done some good colouring in of this train," Daniel says. "Have you been on a train, Maxy-Max?"

Max shakes his head.

"Would you like to go on one?"

Max's eyes widen. "A train?"

"Yeah," Daniel nods. "If you'd like, we can go and find a train to go on tomorrow. If you want to. We can take Pikachu."

"But not the Jimmy or Sassys," Max says, frowning. "They would not like the train and they might get lost."

"No," Daniel agrees. "The Jimmy or Sassy cats can stay here."

"There is a cat in my train picture but it is not our cats."

"No," Daniel says. "So, should we go on a train tomorrow?"

"Yes, please, Daniel," Max says, in satisfaction.

Daniel watches him colour even as he's avoiding texting Christian to let him know Max has gone small and isn't getting big again. He follows up on his avoidance by ordering a night light for Max's bedroom and one for the bathroom, in case his little boy is frightened of the dark and is too scared to say. He pays extra for same-day delivery.

He'll call Christian later, when Max is in bed. Instead, he googles train stations, and train timetables, and puts together a plan for the morning.

Max keeps his hand tucked into Daniel's, carries on colouring, and doesn't let go.

Thank you so much to Zoe @flawlessassholes for giving this a pre-post read through, and for consistently being interested in all baby Max lore!

[thehardy-boys]

The Platform (Tommy Shelby x Reader)

Hey! Its literally been like forever but I've had some time to myself and actually written something. This was not requested or anything but I just got inspired with all the new content recently. Anyways, pls enjoy. It's a series so there will be more parts to the story.

Warnings: Sadness, negative thoughts, flirting if you squint (In the future -- smut 😏)

Part 1

(y/n) hadn’t planned on ever coming back.

“I’ll put your tea here then mum. Alright?” (y/n) spoke fairly loudly so the elderly woman could hear. She was nearing eighty and she had lost most of her sight and hearing. She was a ghost nearing on a corpse. But there was no one else to look after her. As these kinds of responsibilities usually fall on the women, the daughters, they fell on (y/n) just the same.  

“I’m heading to work. Mrs. Iona will check in on you from time to time, alright?” The bedroom door was almost closed when she heard the slight mumble coming from the shriveled woman.

“Not supposed to be here. Don’t want her here. Take her away.”

She paused only for a moment suddenly hit with a wave of the past. The tide so strong it almost pulled her into its murky depths. But with the door closed and the sight of her mother taken away (y/n) turned her back and softly made her way out of her mother’s house.

She waved to Mrs. Iona as she shut the front gate and walked back down the street towards the main road. Her shoes already collecting the terrible coal dust.

She hated it here. The heavy air that the sunlight could never quite penetrate which resulted in the town being in a constant gloom. It made her skin crawl. The unhappiness was crippling. The drunkards already stumbling around the street at eleven o’clock in the morning, the starving children running back and forth, the haggard mothers one step closer to the grave and the dark alleys that were haunted with glistening knives, illegal pistols, and razor-sharp caps.

Get me out of here. Get me out of here. (y/n) screamed internally but she only pushed open the heavy wooden door of the newspaper agency and kindly greeted Mrs. Kelley the receptionist before making her way to the back of the building and sitting down at her desk. Another day. More editing. That was her lot in life: never to be the one writing and creating but only a ghost in the machine, a minion behind the scenes.

By the end of every long day at the newspaper house the words would blur into one huge muddle. She’d pack up her small bag, wish a good night to her boss Mr. Beavers, and head home. Her eyes would be sore and her brain throbbing with a headache. But that was just Small Heath, barely living.

(y/n) felt that she had something missing. She knew she had it when she was younger because of all her memories. The vibrancy of the trees she climbed, the scent of baking in the kitchen, the damp fur of their pet dogs after a rain storm. Everything was so vivid back then and full. Her eyes open and wanting, now she was shuttered, fragile, and tired. Her knees often ached and her neck sore from hunching over papers all day. She was decaying, slowly.

“(y/n)!” Her head popped up from her desk at the sound of her name. Polly Gray was making her way towards her. She was as formidable as (y/n) remembered. She rose up to return Polly’s hug.

“Mrs. Gray, It’s so nice to see you!” Polly squeezed a bit tighter. The warmth of her body rubbing off onto (y/n). She welcomed it. It had been so long since she had received any kind of touch.

“When the hell did you get back?”

“About a year now.”

“A year!? A whole year and you didn’t bother to drop me a line?” Her outrage wore the mask of humor but (y/n) could tell there was genuine worry, genuine hurt lurking behind it.

(y/n) shook her head in apology, “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting to come back here and then a lot happened and I’ve just been so busy Mrs. Gray. I’m really sorry.”

“No, I know (y/n). I heard what happened. Awful stuff. I had no idea you were here dealing with it all. You should have asked for help.”

(y/n) began to shake her head and ward off Polly’s offer when her boss’s door opened up behind her.

“Ah, Mrs. Gray and Mr. Shelby do come in.” He gestured warmly into his office.

Polly rubbed her arm before stepping inside.

A tall man had been standing behind Polly. (y/n) hadn’t noticed him in the frenzy of the greeting but she didn’t need an introduction. Nobody in Small Heath did. He was just as the ladies described him at the grocers she went to weekly: cold, inscrutable, foreboding, and dangerous.  

(y/n) had lived in Small Heath only until she had turned thirteen and then her family had moved away. Her father had been close to Polly and consequently (y/n), over the years, had played with the young Shelby brothers. (y/n)’s older brother had gotten along well with Arthur and if she concentrated hard enough, she could remember playing hide and seek with Thomas and John Shelby. But it was all so long ago, and she realized she hadn’t seen any of them in over fifteen years. And yet she knew it was Thomas. She knew.

She wondered mildly if he remembered her, “(y/n) (l/n).” That was all he said with a quick nod he passed her by not glancing back and nor did she.

Polly left first and, on her way, reminded (y/n) to drop by. An hour or so later Thomas came out, as well. (y/n) was neck deep in the upcoming Sunday issue so she barely registered the figure standing next to her desk.

“Oh, Mr. Shelby! Did Mr. Beavers ask me to get you any forms?” She pushed away her paper hurriedly and stood up.

He shook his head slowly and continued to stare at her, hands deep in his pockets.

She tilted her head as a question, and he only shrugged slightly.

“I was trying to remember why you left, all those years ago.”

(y/n) sat back down. A flicker of fear coursed through her at the reminder of their family’s departure. A broken window, her father’s bruised face, and her mother’s hands constantly trembling.

“It wasn’t my decision; it was my parents.” She didn’t look up at him and instead pulled her papers back towards her. She didn’t want to sift through all those years. She could barely make it through the present.

He must have sensed the finality because he bid her good day and left but his stare stayed with her all day and even into the night. The frostiness of the blue. The condemnation they held for humanity.

Mr. Beavers explained the next morning that they were starting a partnership with Shelby Limited. They would be expanding their sports column to include more articles on the races. Mr. Beavers excitedly described the hope for a few informative articles on the intricacies of horse racing, training, and breeding. But it wasn’t just about horses Mr. Beavers went on, being attached to Shelby Limited allowed them an easy avenue for new stories and information. It was a ready-made news source.

“All this in exchange for what?” (y/n) asked.

“We give Mr. Shelby’s races publicity and well…occasionally we would publish or not publish certain articles for the company.”

(y/n) crossed her arms, “So they can censor us? What stops them from completely taking over the paper? What if next week they decide they don’t want the Theatre column? Evan and Nate would be out of the job.”

Mr. Beavers frantically shook his head, “It’s not like that, not like that at all. I know Mrs. Gray and I trust her. The company is not interested in that kind of control. I mean we’re only a small agency, (y/n).”

And thus, the partnership began and now not just (y/n) felt the steely stare of Mr. Shelby, but the entirety of the agency did.

It started slowly but Thomas began to come by once or twice a week. It was usually on Tuesdays and Thursdays. (y/n) learned from Mr. Beavers that they were working on a contract. She would here the tell-tale sound of expensive shoes on the marble floor and know even without looking up who it was. Thomas Shelby walked with such authority in his three piece suits all the young ladies at the agency were already gossiping about him during their lunch breaks. But (y/n) kept her distance.

She had always been an outsider in Small Heath. The community never welcomed her family, something to do with their Jewish ties. And now, after returning, people were even more wary. (y/n) could tell there were whispers behind her back. She ignored the fake apologies about the missing invitation when she caught her colleagues out for a bite to eat all together. It didn’t bother her, not really.

“Mr. Shelby, Mr. Beavers will be right out. His previous meeting’s running a bit late. Please sit down if you’d like.” She gestured to the few arm chairs by the window. He only nodded and sat. He lit his cigarette and did what he always seemed to do around her, stare. And she ignored him in favor of the monumental stack of paperwork in front of her.

“How much do they pay you here?” He asked out of the blue. His deep voice easily cutting through her concentration.

She looked over, “Minimum wage.”

“For all that?” He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

(y/n) shrugged.

“You edit, organize, design, and manage each issue and only get minimum wage?”

“I’m not in a position to be picky, Mr. Shelby.” She bristled a bit.

He took another drag and let the smoke column upwards. He did look beautiful with the sunlight streaming in behind him. It caught the contours of his angular face and she thought yeah, I think I get it now.

He cleared his throat and sat back satisfied her attention was now on him, “Don’t you remember me?”

“Yes. I mean we were just kids.” She shrugged lightly.

“We met on the platform.” He took another inhale of his smoke, “After the war.”

(y/n) blinked.

“Yes, we did.” Her throat had gone dry.

He opened his mouth to continue but “(y/n)! I need the consumer reports.” It was Evelyn from the market section. Her plump red lips perking up at the sight of Thomas. (y/n) had the feeling Evelyn already knew he would be here; the reports weren’t needed until the end of the day.

“Yes. Here they are.” (y/n) sifted through her desk and handed over the packet.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Evelyn asked. She played with a few loose strands of her hair.

“Oh. Uh-Mr. Shelby this is Ms. Lowe. Ms. Lowe, Mr. Shelby from Shelby Limited.”

“Ever so pleased to meet you, sir.” She placed a sneaky hand on her hip and shifted her weight a tad to conform her body into an elegant pose.

And she was attractive (y/n) had to admit. She was young and full of vigor. Her hair always done to perfection and makeup never smudged. She looked like a movie star. She looked like a woman all men would fall head over heels for. (y/n) inwardly cringed. She could only imagine what she must look like next to this creature of beauty.

But when (y/n) looked over to see Thomas’ reaction, he seemingly hadn’t stopped looking at her. Only when their eyes met did Thomas glance over at Evelyn and give a slight nod.

“Mr. Shelby! Please come in, come in! I do apologize about the delay!” Mr. Beavers rushed out and hurriedly greeted the businessman.

After the door closed Evelyn let out a huff. She handed back the packet to (y/n).

“I don’t even need these. I just wanted him to get a look if you know what I mean.”

(y/n) gave a small smile hoping to be rid of the superficial woman but she had one last request.

“Put in a few good words for me, will you? He always comes by your desk. Just drop in a few hints?”

(y/n) sighed and re-organized a few papers, “I’ll try my best Evelyn, but I can’t promise anything.”

A few hours later, Evelyn really did come and collect the consumer reports but lucky for her the office door opened and the two men appeared.

“And wonderful (y/n) here will get the correct form for you to sign Mr. Shelby. Let’s organize a convenient day for her to drop the upcoming issue down at your office weekly.”

Evelyn who was too quick easily swooped in without any hesitation, “I can help, Mr. Beavers. You know that I have a much more open schedule than (y/n). I’d be happy to deliver the issue.” She smiled blindingly.

(y/n) just sat there watching the whole thing unfold. In fact, she was actually grateful Evelyn was sticking her nose into it because she didn’t want to see more of Thomas than she already had these past few weeks.

“That is true, Mr. Beavers. Evelyn has a bit more time on her hands these days.”

The boss was beginning to make the face of agreement before, “I’d like Ms. (l/n) to be the one making the deliveries.”

And there was no room for argument with Mr. Shelby.

“Of course, whatever works best for Mr. Shelby. Let’s say every Thursday?” Mr. Beavers heartily clasped the man’s hand and then beckoned Evelyn into his office for a round up on the recent reports. (y/n) didn’t miss the venomous look the other woman shot her.

(y/n) opened her desk drawer and took out the mentioned form that needed the signature.

“Just here, Mr. Shelby.” She held out a pen for him without bothering to look up. This turned out to be a bad idea because she jumped in surprise as he partially leaned over her to sign the paper. He smelled of oak and whisky. He carried the scent of the past.

She remembered seeing his eyes in the sea of green uniforms on the platform. And she knew. She just knew. After all those years. She had walked towards him. He stood there waiting for her. His beautiful blue eyes. That beautiful face.

“(y/n) (l/n).” He had said her name then with such certainty like it was law. Like it had some kind of divine meaning and not just a jumble of letters.

“Is that all?” He asked setting the pen down.

She cleared her throat, “Yes.”

She expected him to be on his way, but she looked up when she never heard the retreating footsteps. He still stood next to her one hand on the back of her chair. Looking down at her.

“Did you not expect me to remember you?”

She clenched her jaw, “Why would I expect you to remember me?”

He furrowed his brow and walked away.

Part 2

[yuri-is-online]

Sorry if this ask makes absolutely no sense I just need you to know the absolute emotion I feel because of this Ayuu.

I need you to know just . how close to tears I am . I just reread your Azul meeting his Yutu and I am. IM CRYING. THE “Your daddy’s here” IS TAKING ME OUT AND SHOOTING ME DEAD . IM GENUINELY TEARING UP. I think I’ve read every part so far twice over, barring the Yuu specific ones cause they Hurt Me. Speaking of hurt, Deuce!Yutu and Riddle!Yutu hurt me so so bad . All of the Yutus do, but they’re the ones that just came to mind rn and it’s so so sad. Especially Riddle! Yutu because he hates his dad :( Idek why I might’ve blocked out why LMAO,,, I love all the Heartslabyul characters and their kids it makes me cry. Especially Trey. He’s such a weirdly domestic freak that the idea of him being denied the family life he’s always been content with is so so sad. ALL OF THEM . THEY MAKE ME SO SAD BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE WITH YUU!! They want to be with Yuu, and most of them are obviously happy to have a kid, but to know that that’s been taken away from you by circumstances that are literally destroying the world you live and love in? Yeah. That’s Rough!!

I would love to see Jamil!Yutu and how Jamil reacts to his child feeling guilt for something he never did, was never responsible for, and again has to suffer through because of the family theirs has been forced to serve. I think he’d be so mad, so so mad this boy has grown up thinking he’s the biggest blight of his father’s life, the cause of his death, when in reality he’s probably someone Original Timeline! Jamil would have cherished.

I LOVE YOU RUGGIE BUCCHI!!! Sorry I needed to cry that out this made me love him so much more!!! And Rook!! I love you Rook Hunt you weirdo. Ruggie being like “Idrk what to do… but I can bug Leona about it” is so so real. Him not caring if his son is charismatic as long as he knows his cards and is able to survive. Rook as a phantom is genuinely breaking my heart idk why. All of the phantoms break my heart. I don’t want to imagine anything abt them if I do because if I imagine them having even a fraction of sentience I’m heartbroken. Imagine being unable to prevent something from possessing you. Imagine your body and soul being used to tear your home apart— imagine seeing any of that through your own eyes. Imagine seeing your own kid after years of thinking them missing. I would genuinely not be able to handle that. It’s giving the Last of Us zombies where they’re completely aware and conscious throughout the first phase. Scared . Heartbroken .

Anyways, this au is 100000/10 I need you to know this. YOUR MIND IS SO SO BRILLIANT!!! I’m probably gonna keep rereading everything you’ve written so far about it because I’m having so many brain worms . So so many. Sorry for this ramble!! Please ignore this ask if for any reason I might have said something you didn’t like >:]]]] I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR!!!!

;-; ty so much for your kind words anon I am injecting them into my veins to continue writing. You have said nothing wrong, rambles are nice to receive, though my ask box is a bit cluttered at the moment and I am super busy so getting to things in a timely manner is not something I am able to do.

Riddle! Yutu was the first one to get a post, and I am tempted to re do it as I was still figuring out the format. He hates his dad because he wasn't there for him when he was a child and he doesn't know why. In the good timeline he's something of a daddy's boy; he really wants Riddle to be proud of and praise him

After I finish editing the second part of Rook's post you will be pleased to know the next post is about Jamil. I'm still formulating the outline of it because I've been thinking some thoughts about stars and unique magics

The way I write the phantoms they posses the instincts of their former selves but the individual lacks the input you might associate with consciousness. I'll get more into it in the second half of Rook's post... but there is a degree of awareness of their actions.

There's a lot of tragedy in this ayuu, I'm glad I'm hitting my stride with it c: it's nice to know people are liking it

[starbeltconstellation]

So I gotta ask, do you have any headcannons(or cannons I guess since you're the author) about Melanie and Anakin that you can share without spoilers to much.

I'm going through Rewrite the stars withdrawal lol

Awww, thank you so very much for the ask, dear! (And so sorry again about your Rewrite the Stars withdrawal. 😭 Things have been crazyyy in my life. My bro was in the hospital for a while, but he’s okay now though. Also just me fighting my never ending depression spells 🙃). 😅😂

I would be happy to offer some “head” canons! Or canons, technically, as you said. 😂 Lol.

Essentially, this has become like one big, long SW meta analysis and meta analysis on my SW fic, Rewrite the Stars, and Anakin and Melanie’s characters. Sorry for the long response. 😭 I got really into explaining my thoughts. Haha.

I’ll put this under a read more, as it’s VERYYY long:

I’ll just say that the entire reason I started this story is because well, I wanted a fix it fic of course. 😂 But also just because I wanted to write this kind of grand, epic tale in general, just like Star Wars is supposed to be.

A lot of fics I’ve seen like this completely demonize the Jedi most of the time and blame them for their own genocide. And the ones that don’t, also flip it the complete opposite way around and demonize Anakin to where he’s nothing but a cackling demon who kicks puppies for fun (and well… would he do that AFTER the prequel trilogy when he’s in his emo Darth Vader era? Probably. 😂 But he wouldn’t be CACKLING while doing it. He’d be very bitter and callous about it, because Anakin likes to take out his anger on the world when he’s in pain, so by GOD the entire galaxy is gonna be in pain along with him).

But anyways, I’m kinda getting off track.

My point is: the whole reason I started my SW fic is because I wanted to write the type of epic, grand tale of a fic that I���ve been looking for that treats all of its characters with love and respect while ALSO still calling out their flaws and allowing them to grow. That includes everyone: Anakin, Padmé, Ahsoka, Barriss, Mace, Obi-Wan, Dooku, Satine, etc—EVERYONE.

I feel like fandom has become this toxic environment where if you’re criticizing a character, then… (le gasp 😱)… you don’t really LIKE themmm. (Untrue. 😂).

I love, love, LOVE Anakin. He is my hot, insane, child killing bastard of a mans.

… But I also hate him too. 😭😂

I HATE what he’s done and what he believes in after the war and how he just wallows like a child in his pain. I HATE how selfish he is (while at the same time heavily relate to his fear of death and losing those he loves to them dying/growing older). And I also HATE how damn close he was to making a better choice, but he DIDN’T, because in the end, it didn’t MATTER if Anakin technically knew the ‘right’ way to act. He purposely went against it, because he was just too selfish to let go of Padmé (he kinda did a self fulfilling prophecy with her death, but we’re not gonna talk about that part right now), and so he decided his happiness meant more than the entire galaxy, and burned down his childhood home like a school shooter and helped genocide his friends just for the CHANCE to save his wife.

And all of this, in the usual fics I’ve seen, can somehow be undone, just by changing a few little moments in Anakin’s life where he doesn’t get his feelings hurt: ie; Obi-Wan faking his death, Ahsoka leaving the Order/being framed by Barriss, or Mace/Qui-Gon/whoever-the-fuck-you-want-to-say being assigned as his Master instead of Obi-Wan.

And just… no. 😂

As shown through this wonderful SW blog here:

Anakin doesn’t do what he did because, oh, “This, this, and THIS happened to him”, and if you take that away and help him avoid it, he’ll suddenly change and be all warm and fuzzy inside and won’t burn the whole fucking galaxy just because HE cannot handle Padmé (MAYBE) dying and leaving him alone (when he wouldn’t even really BE alone, but Anakin also clearly puts Padmé/romantic love above all else. He might care for his friends and family, but he’d throw them all under the bus if it came down to the wire between them and Padmé). This is something I will go into in the fic as Anakin slowly starts to take a look at himself as he realizes: “wait… wtf? Do I even KNOW what Rex does outside of work? 🤔😨” for him to realize that he’s so obsessive over one person… that everyone else is slowly becoming put to the wayside.

Stopping one or two little things in Anakin’s life during the Clone Wars isn’t going to magically make him see the light and not be a currently ticking time bomb.

That is not how change WORKS. Not REAL change anyway. All of the fics I’ve seen written, usually hand wave a lot of Anakin’s misdeeds and flaws away, and pretend like if you hold Anakin’s hand through certain parts of the war and help him avoid THESE certain moments, that he’ll suddenly just magically become a better person who understands what being selfless and less greedy actually means.

That… is not true change. TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF realizing slowly but surely as the war goes on that he’s slowly becoming someone he doesn’t recognize in the mirror anymore (*cough* Mel line drop from upcoming chapter? 👀✨ *cough*). TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF working through his flaws and inner demons, before he gradually begins to realize with a sense of sickening horror that he has been WRONG: ie; massacring an entire Tusken village down to the last child while never telling another soul except Padmé about it and whistling happily to himself without a care in the world as the war rages on.

TRUE change (as you might’ve started to guess from the most recent chapter of my fic) is Anakin HIMSELF slowly but surely starting to question his actions, by comparing them to other people he respects and cares for.

Which brings us to your question on “headcanons”.

The entire purpose of the relationship between Melanie and Anakin (besides me living vicariously through her 😂) is that they are a MIRROR for each other.

Melanie and Anakin, while very different, aren’t COMPLETE and total opposites. There are purposeful parallels between them: their moms, their care of droids, their fear of losing those they love to death, and the PURPOSEFUL CHOICE GIVEN TO MELANIE BY THE SHOPKEEPER 👀 that parallels the choice Anakin is given at the end of ROTS by Palpatine himself in their choice to help the galaxy or be selfish and choose themselves/their own wants instead.

There is a quote I have based their relationship off of. I will share it here (if you are still with me, because I know I ramble a lot 😅😂):

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

—Elizabeth Gilbert

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Melanie and Anakin are meant to have parallel journeys, even though their personalities are very different. But it’s more than that: their fatal flaws are in direct conflict with each other.

Anakin’s fatal flaw is: greed/selfishness.

Melanie’s fatal flaw is: fear/judgement.

BUT as they are forced into working together… the more they interact with each other… the more their fatal flaws are FORCED to be challenged by the other.

Anakin’s more selfish nature is challenged more and more by just being in Melanie’s presence and watching how she acts with complete compassion and selflessness in certain situations, which makes him slowly start to look at himself internally and take a look at his own actions and thoughts, gradually beginning to realize how selfish he’s slowly become without even realizing it.

Melanie, in turn, has the purposeful flaw of judgment, which can make her self righteous at times (even if she IS correct most of the time 😂), and also the flaw of fear, which as readers have seen, makes her a bit more cautious than she should be in her actions on trying to outsmart Palpatine to save the galaxy.

It’s kind of ironic: just being AROUND Anakin slowly begins to challenge Melanie’s fatal flaws (since she was completely fucking terrified of him the very first moment she realized she was in the SW universe and realized Anakin/Darth Vader was real now 😂). She sees things in such a black and white way at first, but as time goes on, Anakin’s need to be gentle with her and prove himself to Mel, makes her question her judgment with him, which allows her the ability to give him a chance. In turn, just being in his PRESENCE challenges her other fatal flaw on fear, since he’s a walking nightmare PTSD trigger for her pounding heart (and not always in the fun way 👀💓❤️‍🔥☠️😂).

Anyway, my point is that they aren’t just meant to be together romantically to be TOGETHER. It’s because I have purposefully tried to develop a romantic slow burn relationship that comes with my story to weave itself against the original theme of Rewrite the Stars, which is this: TRUE change and atonement/redemption.

Anakin physically CANNOT get closer to Mel, until he forced himself to take a step back and give her some space. If he wants to get anywhere with her, he HAS to start looking internally at himself to try and change and be more gentle with her.

Melanie, in turn, CANNOT outsmart Palpatine and win the war without Anakin’s help and working together with him over the next three years of The Clone Wars. She HAS to get past her judgment and allow herself to swallow her terror enough to give him a chance, because she NEEDS him to win.

This is a chess match between her and Palpatine, remember? And if you lose the king, you lose the game.

ANAKIN is the king. 👀

I bet you can’t guess what chess piece Melanie is. 😂 Lol.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve done a whole lot of taking in circles (sorry about that 😅), because I wanted to go ahead and explain my whole process for this fic while I had the time, so I can also refer this post if I ever need to again.

Now! Getting into some more FUN Stuff:

Idk if you’ve looked up my fic on Wattpad, but I have a lot of cool graphics posted there from my mind and from other artists/authors that have gifted me such wonderful cover art ( @shoniwake ! 👀✨❤️), and in a certain subsection, I have a whole playlist page dedicated as a type of ‘outline’ for the entire story of my fic (fair warning, it’s a lot 😅), just because I think it helps me with planning stuff out.

I won’t tell you all of them, of course. But I’ll share a few of my favorite songs that I always think are the PERFECT songs for Melanie and Anakin’s relationship and their slow burn romantic development. 😭🥺💔❤️💕✨

Innocence by Nathan Wagner

Stronger Together by Lou & SQVARE

Now I See by Lou & SQVARE

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I love these three songs so much, because of their theme of two people coming together as a team and/or learning to open up their hearts to the other and to help the other person the see world in a different way. 🥹❤️💕

This is basically what I want for Melanie and Anakin. Their relationship isn’t just about having a romance in the story (although that’s part of it. Haha 😂💕). It’s about how their relationship meshes in with the rest of the themes of the story: TRUE change and growth into something better.

Melakin is purposely written to be in direct contrast to Anidala (which is still written with care and not erasing their genuine affection, by the way! I think it’s extremely lazy writing to write a canon relationship OOC just to prop up your OC’s own), which shows the difference between a more healthy developing relationship that is based on genuine care and respect (Melakin) and in contrast with one that is more based around idealizing the other person/ignoring their faults and putting them up on a pedestal that is sure to lead to disappointment (Anidala).

This is, as you know from reading the fic, slowly starting to be shown in how Anidala acts with each other in their trash fire (in my opinion! Don’t kill meeee! 🙌😂) of a marriage, which has them basically talking past each other/not really caring about anything that isn’t SPECIFICALLY RELEVANT to the other person (ie; them. Not anything with their family or job. Just THEM. Because while the love is genuine, it’s also eerily obsessive, which was GL’s whole point of them being star crossed lovers that burn out from their own flawed choices in regards to being together and trying to have it all).

This is also shown in my fic with Melakin vs Anidala contrasting each other in Anakin’s choices and how he interacts with them. Anakin REMEMBERS stuff about Mel’s life and choices that really he has no need to care about, but he does anyway. In contrast, there is a scene in the latest chapter of my SW fic where Anakin forgets a very… important member… of Padmé’s family 😭 (If you know, you know 👀🫣😬). 😂

I guess what I’m saying is is that I’m trying to not PREACH to the readers of my fic. I’m trying to write scenes that SHOW them what I believe to be true in regards to Anidala’s toxic relationship/the Jedi being scapegoats that everyone cruelly blames for their own genocide/how the Jedi culture might not be how THE READERS want to live, but it doesn’t change the fact that it IS a valid culture/way to live, and it doesn’t deserve to be eradicated just because you don’t understand/like/agree with it.

I’m trying to lead up into the themes and lessons of my fic as I go along, is what I’m saying. 😂 Which is a really heavy feat, considering how long it’ll end up being as a grand, epic tale. 😩

And a big part of the theme of my SW Fic: genuine change and growth into something better than you were before (ie; TRUE redemption) cannot happen to Anakin as easily as some of the time travel fix-it fics/other fix-it fics I’ve seen written on A03 before. Changing a few little things so Anakin doesn’t have to deal with a few moments in his life is not GENUINE and TRUE change. What that is is essentially placation. It’s PLACATING and CODDLING someone dangerous, which allows them (for the MOMENT) to calm down, because they are generally happy and have the things they want and aren’t under stress like Anakin was in the ending of ROTS when there was nobody there to hold his hand for him to ‘guide’ him in the right direction.

For TRUE change and redemption to happen for Anakin, he has to admit to himself that he was WRONG.

He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that actions he has taken are horrific (the Tusken Massacre), and accept people’s/the Jedi’s judgment on it without becoming defensive and acting like he’s being unfairly attacked and punished for something not that big of a deal. He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that his thought process has slowly but surely become corrupted over the years without him even realizing it, whether that’s from the war or Palpatine stroking his ego or from the trauma of his childhood making him cling to things too hard—it doesn’t really matter. He has to RECOGNIZE that he has become someone over the years that he can’t even recognize in the mirror in relation to that little nine year old boy on Tatooine (about how selfish he has become), and what he can do to change that.

I know some fans will think I am attacking Anakin and that I hate him or something (and well… I DO hate him… but I also love him 🫣☠️❤️😂), but that is not the case. I LOVE Anakin’s character and truly relate to him on such a deep level in terms of how terrified he is of losing the people he loves to death. I can recognize myself and some of my worst fears deeply in him.

However, at the same time, I can also acknowledge that Anakin’s trauma from his childhood (from slavery/his mother dying in front of him), has essentially made his entire personality completely self serving. Because yes, Anakin can care about other people. He cares about and loves his friends. He’d do anything he could to keep them from harm (at least in TCW era 🥶☠️), but the hard truth is… he doesn’t think of his relationships and saving them from death in terms of what his LOVED ONES deserve or what THEY will lose if they die. He thinks about it in terms of what HE will lose if they die.

He straight up says it in the scene with Mace and then the scene with Palpatine: He NEEDS to keep Palpatine (who he KNOWS is an evil Sith Lord) alive, because it’s the only way he can keep Padmé alive. HE can’t live without HER.

There’s genuine love there. I am not denying that. Anakin isn’t a cackling villain like Palpatine (it’s the whole reason Anakin CAN be talked into coming back to the Light Side by Luke, whereas Palpatine would melt Luke’s fucking face off without hesitation if he tried). He cares and loves his family and friends and wife and kids… in a TOXIC way. In an OBSESSIVE way. In a way that is essentially all about HIM: ie; selfish.

Example 1:

Out of context, this sounds very romantic and simply just a reasonable amount of worry. But in relation to all the other things Anakin will end up saying while referring to Padmé as essentially a possession, I’m placing it here anyway as perhaps a sign of his darkening thoughts.

Example 2:

Yes, yes, I knowwww… some of you ladies will be like: 🥺💔 at the sad murder puppy moment. And I suppose it’s still very evil wet cat bastard level/blorbo of him in a intoxicating way for people who want to feel loved—at the same time, he’s essentially saying: look, man, I don’t care if I gotta murder some kids and betray my friends and descend the galaxy and Republic into darkness (which I know my wife will be fucking horrified at). It’s very important that I DO NOT have to deal with this pain, okay?? 😭 Everyone else can be in pain, but not meeee. I’ll crush and stab my friends in the back just so I won’t be left alone from my wife dying.

Very sad. Very wet cat villain blorbo of him.

And yet—VERY selfish and evil. 😭🤷‍♀️👀😂

He’s essentially saying—fuck the galaxy. Let me get mine, and I’ll go home. ☠️

Example 3:

This one’s pretty obvious. By this point, he’s lost his shit. His mind’s already cracking at the seams as he tries to keep justifying the actions he’s taken, which will eventually lead into his 20 year long dissociation where he essentially goes, “Nahhh, that wasn’t meee. That was DARTH VADER. Anakin didn’t do that, because ANAKIN is still a good person (he mutters to himself over and over like a maniac at night in his emo villain lair), whereas I AM THE DARK INCARNATE. 😌🖤” so he doesn’t have to admit to himself that HE—yes, THAT he, Anakin fucking Skywalker—has become an actual terrible fucking person with no heart. 🤷‍♀️😭😬

I don’t see why this is so hard for SW fandom to get. It’s a METAPHOR George Lucas uses to say Darth Vader killed Anakin (and also just a way to plug up the plot hole of what Obi-Wan originally told Luke in the first movie). It doesn’t mean that Anakin’s consciousness is sleeping inside Vader’s head like a fucking cat. Lmao. 😭

Not only would that not make SENSE in terms of how GL wrote it, but it also just essentially makes Anakin’s ‘redemption’ (I don’t really view it as a true redemption. More like just the Christian version of salvation for his soul by the skin of his teeth. Although GL did say Anakin was redeemed in the eyes of LUKE only, because he said some crap about being redeemed in the eyes of our children) all but useless. 😭 You can’t say on one hand that Darth Vader’s ‘redemption’ is the most iconic one of all time, while at the same time saying on the other hand that “Anakin never did any of those things. It was DaRtH VaDeR! 🤪🤪🤪” because then you’re essentially absolving Anakin of all of his crimes while on the Dark Side, and if Anakin is absolved of all of his crimes… then wtf is there TO make him the most iconic ‘redemption’ of all time??? 😭🤷‍♀️ I mean, like—what IS there to ‘redeem’ at that point??? Ya can’t have both, kids. Lol. 😂

This is also essentially what Anakin wanted in terms of his relationship with Padmé and the Jedi Order. He wanted it ALL. He wanted BOTH. Sureee, he TALKED about quitting the Jedi Order eventually after the war to be with Padmé in a little space cottage. But could he WALK THE WALK? Could he really give up the thrill of chasing an enemy, or the twitch of his fingers in reaching for his lightsaber? 😑🤔 Me myself has some doubtssss.

He wanted it ALL. He wanted to be married while ALSO having the strength and power that came from being a Jedi Knight. He didn’t WANT to choose. He even SAYS it.

Example 4: Essentially this SW meme

He doesn’t want to CHOOSE. And it’s why it’s BS when it’s argued he was put in this position by the Council’s rules on marriage, because it’s LITERALLY just like a vow of a priest at a Catholic Church. They can’t marry either, just like the Jedi Order. BUT (unlike what fandom likes to believe), the Order isn’t some cult, and you are free to leave at any time (and hell, they’ll even build a statue after you leave, apparently, if the one they built of Dooku that’s in the Archives (I think) is anything to go by), just as a priest is free to leave the Catholic Church at any time. Because it’s a COMMITMENT to that place. And people might think it’s dumb/stupid/not like it—or even understand it! And you don’t HAVE to like something from a religion/culture/belief, or understand something, to still respect it (another theme drop for the next chapter of my SW fic? 👀😂).

So, what some people will probably wonder is—“But, Starbelt! (Le gasp 😱) Then how is the Jedi culture going to be respected in my fic, if Melakin is still endgame at the end of their slow, slow burn?”

And to that question, I say, “I am not a by-the-book-to-the-very-LETTER interpreter of the Jedi Code (although I’m not saying the code of an entire culture is gonna be ‘changed’ for legit one person/couple. Lmao. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂), but I AM a Jedi lover who is of the belief that—even if you don’t completely AGREE or even UNDERSTAND the Jedi Order and their code—it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be difficult to respect it. It shouldn’t be difficult to not scold a culture on their beliefs, while essentially saying that belief is the reason it is ‘good’ for The Force/galaxy that they were genocided as a ‘clean slate’. 😬🤦‍♀️☠️”

What I WILL say, is that I am going to explore the Jedi Order and the different interpretations of the Code and The Force in general in this fic, and what that means in terms of coexistence, instead of the frankly childish notion of just painting an entire culture as emotionless and wrong in their beliefs, like they are some kind of stuck up, snooty and rich culture that ‘deserved what they got’. 🙄🤦‍♀️😬☠️

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ANYWAY, back to my point with Anakin, and how my fic is trying to complete the most massive and epic of all writing tasks: making Anakin slowly change and grow out of his greed and selfishness into a better person in such an organic way, that perhaps may one day be compared with the likes of Zuko’s redemption from ATLA (I know, I knowww. Pretty high hopes for myself. Lol. 😂).

So, essentially, in the original “timeline” of ROTS, Anakin is freaking losing it, and since nobody is there to hold his hand, he descends right into the core selfishness that is buried inside of him, where he basically just decides, “Fuck it,” and throws all of his morals out the window so he can keep himself from the pain of losing Padmé (ie; it’s really about HIM and his fear, and not about Padmé deserving to live and see more beauty in the world) by cutting off Mace’s hand to stop him from killing Palpatine, because—in Anakin’s OWN words:

Example 5:

Like… 🤷‍♀️😭.

People like to sing “Lalalala,” and plug their ears by pretending Anakin is just so shocked in this scene (le gasp 😱) that Mace is being so UN-JEDI-LIKE, and that it just convinced him that the Jedi Order truly has been ‘corrupted’. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Now see… that might hold some water if Anakin literally didn’t scream “I NeEd HiM! 😡” at Mace like an unhinged five year old, which literally PROVES that the only reason Anakin wants Mace to keep Palpatine alive and not to kill the guy yet is because he needs to learn the super-secret-Dark-Side-magicy way of how to save himself from the pain of losing Padmé to dying in childbirth.

… Because like some may recall, Anakin LITERALLY beheaded Dooku himself all but like… what? 12 hours ago? 😭🤦‍♀️

Essentially, this meme:

So, essentially, what I’m getting at here is: Anakin is a goddamn hypocrite. 😂

Now, in relation to my SW fic? What I essentially am TRYING to accomplish, is to have Anakin slowly CHANGE HIMSELF as the war goes on and he interacts more with Melanie and witnesses her compassion, while in turn comparing her actions to his own.

Melanie isn’t supposed to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ Anakin. Anakin is supposed to be INSPIRED to change from how he grows to care and admire Mel’s choices and who she is inside her heart as the Clone Wars rages on.

I do all of this, so in the HOPES that when he is presented with this scene again, it makes perfect sense to all readers of my fic that his choice may become different—essentially choosing for ONCE, a more selfless route, out of no expectation that he will gain anything in return (that only happens with Luke like—20 years later—and it’s not like he had many other options at that point. 😭🤷‍♀️ Lol.).

(And as I said—MAY become different… 👀 After all, Melanie still has a long way to go before the end of the war… 👀)

But yeah—that’s my plans with my SW Anakin x OC Fic, Rewrite the Stars, and how I’m planning it and Melakin’s relationship to go. I placed a big feat on myself. 😂❤️💕

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If you wanna see some of my like… ideas/notes on what I have planned to eventually place in there somewhere, I will show you a few things, because it’s not really SPOILERS, since I already talk about the Jedi genocide a lot anyway (it drives me up the wall when SW fandom refers to it as ThE FaLl Of ThE jEdi 🤪🤪🤪). Guess it makes it easier to blame them all for their own deaths that way if you refer to their genocide and slaughter as a “fall”. 😭🙄 Idk. 🤷‍♀️

I also have some stuff with the history of Churches splitting into different factions (ie: The Great Schism of 1054), which I will be weaving in as a parallel at some point. 👀👀 I will not explain why, as that would be too spoilery, but I’m sure some of my more in depth analysis readers on my work could guess if they thought about it hard enough… 👀

There are also some comparisons on the Jedi genocide in the SW universe, and how it parallels the Air Nomad genocide in the ATLA universe pretty much to a T in terms of how fast it all happens in one day, and also how any survivors were hunted down and lured out with relics of their own culture, not to MENTION just the fact that both of these cultures are just non-western inspired in general (seriously, what is with people and killing monks in Temples? Lol. 🤷‍♀️😂). It’s also just an interesting comparison in general, because where the ATLA fandom usually is quite sympathetic to the Air Nomad genocide, on the other hand, the SW fandom is so nauseatingly nonchalant and cruel about the Jedi Order’s genocide that it’s almost downright weird. It’s almost like the SW fandom has this THING about never calling the Jedi’s “Fall 🙄” what it actually was—a horrific genocide. I swear to Godddd, SW fandom must be allergic to the word. 😂🤦‍♀️

I also threw in the ‘Hero’s journey’ thing I’ve been using for Melanie to try and make her a relatable protagonist, while also still having her own character arc along with Anakin’s. It was really important to me that she had her OWN arc away from Anakin, and that she had more connections and relationships in the SW universe than just him. Not only does it weaken her character if she had been made to be all about HIM, but it also just makes a certain… choice… 👀… with The Shopkeeper (her antagonist who parallels Palpatine, Anakin’s antagonist) hit all the more harder, because saving the ENTIRE GALAXY isn’t even about saving ANAKIN at all for her. Not at first, anyway.

Instead, from the very beginning, it’s all about how Melanie grows to care and feel compassion for the people she meets in the SW universe and becomes friends with, and how she cannot turn away from them and leave them behind to die, when she has knowledge that can help change their fates. It was SO important to me that Anakin is not even on Mel’s RADAR at first. She doesn’t hate him or anything. She doesn’t want him dead, but it’s not really about SAVING him either (if that happens along the way, it’s a happy bonus for her). Because—as you know—she’s TERRIFIED of him in the beginning, and just plans to avoid him like the plague.

And in doing so, she grows closer to others in the SW universe: Ahsoka, Rex, Yoda, Fives, Obi-Wan, all of the other clones, etc. ALL of that is so important for a certain choice she makes with The Shopkeeper (which I won’t spoil for any new readers who may stumble across this post and want to read my work 👀😂).

So, essentially, my fic is a grand, epic tale, that our main protagonist, Melanie Bains, is going on to save millions of lives in a galaxy far, far away from death and suffering.

No pressure, huh? 😂😬

That’s definitely going to crack and fracture at Mel’s psyche as time goes on… 🥶 The weight of such a feat on one’s shoulders essentially all alone becomes overwhelming. 😓💔 (*Cough* Hint for next chapter? 👀 *cough*).

So I’m really trying to follow that ‘Hero’s journey’ format. I already have her character arc outlined with a clear beginning and end. I just have to find the will to write the thousands and thousands of words to get there to that point. 😩😭😂

It still makes me so happy how many people relate and enjoy Mel. 😌🥹❤️💓🥰

Some planned themes I am going to weave in as the story goes along:

Example 1: Genocide

Air Nomad genocide propaganda from ATLA:

Jedi Order genocide propaganda (Not sure if it’s from before or after Order 66. Either way, it’s meant to rile the populace up against them and demonize the Jedi as ‘other’, like emotionless wizards that are barely human and aren’t capable of true compassion since they’re a ‘cult’ and not from ‘true’ familial structures, unlike the ‘good ol’ regular populace with their attachments 🤪’) from SW:

Example 2: Church factions splitting up/The Great Schism of 1054

Example 3: Hero’s Journey (Mel’s character arc)

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… Now, moving past that long meta ramble, here’s some more songs from my playlist on Wattpad for Melakin’s developing romantic relationship and it’s slow, slow burnnnn. 👀💓❤️‍🔥😂

Borderline by Florrie

Let Me In by Michael Corcoran

The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

Minefields by Faouzia & John Legend

Unlike the previous songs in the earlier part of this meta post, THESE songs are more about Melakin struggling to open up to each other. I’ll admit, a lot of it is more focused on Anakin trying to get Melanie to open up to him, because he doesn’t understand why she’s acting so terrified of him at first.

The one song that’s more about both of them trying to find common ground is “Borderline”, which is meant to be them both reaching out and trying to meet each other halfway. 😊🥰🥺❤️💕

And if you’re wondering what my favorite song is out of all of them?

It’s the “Innocence by Nathan Wagner” song. WITHOUT a doubt. It’s the PERFECT Melakin song that is basically what the whole arc of their relationship is supposed to be. 😭🥹❤️💔💕

Whew, that was a long post! So sorry about that. 😅😂🤷‍♀️ I just got really into talking about my fic and my writing process. I think this has even helped me with motivation! Losing hyperfixations is a bitchhhh. 😖😖

The only other thing I will add is this to hopefully ease your and everyone else’s minds: I may have to go on hiatuses every now and then because of writer’s block or a family/life problem like the recent one with my brother being in the hospital for a while. BUT! No matter WHAT, I will NEVER abandon this fic. It is literally gonna be my damn life’s work—I swearrrrr. 😖✊😂

To end this long SW meta off, I’m going to link another two great Pro Jedi SW meta posts from the wonderful Pro Jedi blog I mentioned earlier. Feel free to check it out if you want, because it’s a lot of Mel’s thoughts on the Jedi, and part of the problems she has to find a way to solve as the war goes on by trying to keep the Jedi in favor of the public’s eyes:

-

To any new readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@xreadersunite

@shoniwake

[suzukiblu]

May I ask how you got people interested in your works? You have so many people who love your writing (rightfully so bc you're awesome) and I just want to find some people who like my writing like you did

ik that I should be writing for myself and everything, and for the most part I am! I write bc I like writing and it makes me happy! But it's just so so discouraging to see my little silly posts that take me 5 minutes to make do fantastic, meanwhile the works that take me weeks of effort get like 3 notes yk?

How do you do it? Did you ever deal with something similar? Any words of wisdom for the struggling noobs?

(This is a genuine question, I'm not trying to be rude in any way shape or form and I'm very sorry if it came off like that) (Also sorry to bother you)

You’re good, I’m not bothered by questions and I don’t think you’re asking anything rude either! I especially don’t mind the “please explain this thing I don’t know much about to me” type of questions, there’s just some shit you can’t effectively google or things that just make more sense coming from someone with direct experience. 

First and foremost: the two cakes meme is law!! No one will ever complain about getting two cakes, no matter if you think someone else already did it better! 

Second and second-most: as a newbie, before you read any of my advice at all, remember that you're currently comparing yourself to someone who’s been writing fic for their entire writing experience and has also been in fandom on and off for pretty much all of that time on multiple sites and through at least a couple major migrations of fandom hubs, and that time has been about twenty-five years now. Like, it has very much been a long-term process, me learning how to find a receptive audience for my stuff. Also I am a grown-ass adult who is currently pushing forty and am pretty self-aware of who I am as a person due to a WHOLE lot of personal introspection and therapy and general life experience. Like, I know how I work at this point in my life, if nothing else.

The long-form answer of my personal fandom process will definitely require a cut at this point, though, haha. Like, this got kind of involved, ngl, but since you’re asking I figure it’s reasonable to go into detail.

So anyway, the “how to find your audience” answer is obviously gonna be different for everybody, but PERSONALLY, I've been in fandom for a long-ass time and just about always been pretty prolific and consistently communicative and available during the times I was around. I have a ton of different fandoms and fics in my history and have run into a lot of different people and written a lot of different things over the years, so I've cast a pretty wide net of options for people to find me through. I've got readers who've followed me through multiple fandoms and even deliberately gotten into new ones because of me just because they like how I write and know me well enough from my other writing to trust that I’ll be respectful of certain things (or at least put in a good-faith effort to be). Your kink is not my kink, but I’m not gonna hate on it; your thing is not my thing, but you have fun over there, you DO your thing!

Being prolific is super-helpful, of course, because that gets people in the habit of checking in on you regularly and keeps you fresh in their minds, but one of the most effective ways I’ve gotten people long-term interested in my work is by being very responsive to readers and very open about what I’m currently working on. Taking requests has helped, asking who wants to see more of what has helped, talking to people in general has helped, and definitely playing “yes, and?” with ideas I’ve been offered has helped. Also I had the benefit of LiveJournal being one of my main fandom hubs for a while, where I met a lot of people and got in the habit of talking to them in a way Tumblr does not necessarily intuitively facilitate, so that’s just a habit for me. 

I definitely still produce stuff that comparatively flops and get bummed about it, it’s just a thing I’ve gotten used to over the years and so I either kill my darlings and move on to the next thing or I decide “naw, I’m still into this idea, I’mma work on it more anyway”. That’s obviously much easier when at least a couple other people are also into said idea, but still, it’s a thing you just gotta decide for yourself either way. Like I’ve DEFINITELY had stuff I slaved over get just about totally ignored while things I only tossed up on a whim off the top of my head or just intended as jokes people adored and resonated with way more, which is part of why I do so many WIP memes where I’m drip-feeding bits and pieces of content more regularly. One of my recent fics didn’t get near as much of a reception or interest on AO3 as I’d hoped it would, but when I was writing it on Tumblr people DID get excited for and enjoy it during the process, so that helped soothe that particular indignity/frustration for me.

Also, I’ve gotten enough people invested in my writing at this point that it’s much easier for me than it is for some writers, because I can do things like ask “hey what do you guys like/want to see more of?” and I’ll pretty much always get an answer, simply because so many people are in the habit of regularly checking on my blog and talking to me now. Polls are very helpful that way too, because it’s a functionally anonymous way for shyer people or people who are just casually scrolling their dash to give you an idea of what they’re enjoying from you without having to disrupt their flow or psych themselves up or anything like that. Like, it’s low-pressure, you know? I have done a LOT of polls since I found out Tumblr has those now.

I also constantly encourage people to both talk to me about and also play with my interpretations and AUs as they so please, and I deliberately cultivate responsive relationships with as many readers as I can. I don’t always have the spoons to answer every ask, but I always try to answer the majority of them and try not to ignore questions. A significant chunk of people have told me that they read tropes and AUs from me that they hate from other writers because they just trust that I’ll write it in a way that they can enjoy. I will include certain things and a certain level of respect that they just would not be comfortable without, and if I don’t have those things in there or there’s a common trigger, I’ll at least have done my best to tag for it. And I listen to people who tell me when I’m fucking up and I either take reasonable accommodations or change my behavior where appropriate. I tag for common triggers, I don’t use terms I’ve been told are insults or slurs, I try not to associate negative connotations with physical characteristics or things people can’t change about themselves, and when I have a reflexive “squick” reaction, I try not to assume shit and try to examine my biases. Or I just back-button and move on, if it comes to it. I also do my best to assume the best of people until they prove that I should not be. I am very much going to de-escalate when and wherever I can. 

I generally consider myself a low-drama blog and a low-drama person to follow, and put in effort to be that as best I can, and at this point I think (or at least hope) people feel relatively confident that they can talk to me without having to worry about immediately getting their head bitten off, which seems to be an increasing fear/concern that some people have in fandom. Therefore, I get people talking to me pretty regularly, because I’ve gone to the effort to be as approachable as I know how to make myself.

Also, yeah: above all else, write what you wanna write! Write your weird and niche dreams! Trust me, somebody out there LOVES your weird and niche dreams and wants all the deets on ‘em. I get the most engagement and interest when I just write what I really wanna see and don’t particularly worry about how goddamn weird I think I’m being. People are actually gonna be EXCITED about how goddamn weird I think I’m being, because a lot of them want it too and they’re not finding it as easily as a lot of the more popular stuff. 

So like . . . hope at least some of that was helpful, feel free to ask follow-up questions if you have any, hah.

[saulocept]

clumsy ‘cause i’m falling in love

pairing: alejandro vargas/reader

rating: t

summary: You hate his guts. He hates yours. It’s how it’s always been between you, and it’s how it’ll always be. There’s no way this could end happily, but maybe you could be wrong about some things. Once.

notes: very very very self indulgent if u couldn’t tell already lol. semi au bc it’s actually just wish fulfillment tbh. i’ve been toying with this idea for a while now, and this may or may not be a part of a semi series. anyway that’s all. enjoy ur holidays everybody! 

If you weren’t sure the universe hated you before, then you definitely are certain of it now. Because there’s just no way this is happening to you now, not for the third year in a row. “No way,” you mumble, glaring at the piece of paper in your hand, as though whatever’s written on it would just magically disappear. It doesn’t. For a second, it seems brighter somehow, the writing crystal-clear, as though it’s mocking you in response.

You crumple it in your hand, shove it in your pocket, ready to forget about the whole thing, but then a voice from beside you startles you out of your thoughts, stops you from moving.

“Hey, wait.” It’s Soap. He’s a good friend, the only one you can actually get along with. Your only ally in this wretched place, you think, though you’re sure you’re just exaggerating. You pause, then turn to face him. “Who’d you get?”

“No one important,” you reply quickly, but whatever he sees in your eyes must’ve fueled his curiosity because the next thing you know, he’s snatching up the paper in your hand, uncrumpling it and then reading it out loud, like he wants everyone to know.

“No way,” he says, and for a second, he almost sounds like he doesn’t believe it. Bless his heart, really, because that’s exactly what you’ve been thinking. “Alejandro, huh? You got him three years in a row?” Here, he sounds more than a little impressed, and you narrow your eyes at him, half-suspicious, half-glaring. He looks up to meet your eyes, the corners of his lips twitching into a smile. Now he’s definitely mocking you, too. You settle for a glare instead, but he doesn’t seem afraid, or fazed at all. He lets out a low whistle, then reaches out to pat you on the shoulder. “Now this is definitely fate, huh?”

“No way,” you reply with a shake your head, because you just refuse to believe it is, and that they don’t have any hand in it. There’s no way you just keep getting the same person three years in a row. Especially for fucking Secret Santa. This has to be a joke, or some kind of a dream. Something. Anything other than reality. “This has to be rigged. You’re all fucking me.”

“Definitely not.” He laughs, then shakes his head. Gently, he hands the paper back to you, and you quickly snatch it out of his grasp, rolling it into a ball and then shoving it back into your pocket, as though it’s something you could just bury and forget. It’s not.

“Come on,” he says, when he sees the look on your face. His tone is soft, placating. You feel your tension ease a bit, because you really shouldn’t take it out on him. He’s not the one at fault here, but still. “You were there, too. We all picked at the same time; you saw that.”

He’s right, obviously, but there’s no way you could just accept it. There’s no way this is just fate, after all; they must have a hand in it, too. Him, especially. Knowing him, there’s no way he’s just letting go of another opportunity to fuck with you. You look up, narrow your eyes at Soap, feeling more suspicious than ever. “Who did you get?”

Here, he blanks out, shoves his hands in his pockets. He gives you a nervous laugh, like he knows more than he’s letting on, which is far too suspicious for you not to notice. “It’s not a Secret Santa now if I tell, is it?”

You step toward him, and he raises his arms in surrender. You stop, then cross your arms over your chest, opting to glare at him instead. “We’re friends, aren’t we?” you ask. He nods his head mutely; he still seems nervous, a little wary of you, so you press on, eager for some answers. “Who did you get?”

He shakes his head. “Nobody.”

“I swear, Soap, if you’re all fucking me, I—”

“We’re not,” he says. “And why are you blaming me? I didn’t make this.”

“Whatever.” You huff out a sigh, then shake your head in exasperation. “I’m sorry, alright? Let’s just get out of here.”

He gives you a weak smile. “Now that’s what I like to hear.”

-

“Here,” you say, shoving the wrapped parcel in his direction. There’s a split second where he looks surprised, though he’s quick to cover it up, staring at you instead with a raised brow. You frown. “Happy holidays, asshole.”

He eyes the package in your hand, suspicious, careful, like he doesn’t trust whatever’s in it. Or you, for that matter – which, strangely enough, stings a bit, though you’d never say it out loud. It’s not like you’ll give him a bomb, or anything explosive, anyway. You’ve been doing this for three years now; the least he could do is know you better.

“Unfortunately,” you reply, rolling your eyes. You shove the parcel in his direction, but he’s still not budging. He’s still eyeing it suspiciously, as though it’ll suddenly explode any minute now. It won’t. “I’m your Secret Santa this year.”

“Again,” he echoes flatly. For a second, he sounds like he doesn’t believe it, too.

“Not by choice,” you agree, nodding your head. “And not by design either, just in case you’re wondering.”

He hums under his breath, stares at you for a long time, studying your face like he’s searching for clues, some kind of answer. You aren’t sure what kind he’s looking for, but it’s strange nonetheless. Something about his gaze makes you feel different. Weird. Has he ever looked at you like this before? You can’t remember, and you’d rather not think about it. You clear your throat, then shove the package in his direction. “Come on, asshole. Ie h’ve got places to be.”

He gives you a toothy smile, stares at you with narrowed eyes. He’s still not budging. It’s always been like this between you, anyway, and you don’t think anything would ever change, even if the intensity his stare from earlier has left you feeling a little strange. (It’s just a dream, you think. A trick of the light, and you’re sure of it. Almost.) “Like what?”

“Like being as far away from you as possible.”

He raises an eyebrow at you, but then nods. There’s a glimmer in his eyes now that wasn’t there before, and you’re certain it means nothing but trouble. He’s always been nothing but trouble, and you’d know that from first-hand experience. You narrow your eyes at him, suspicious, but before you can even open your mouth and ask, he’s already speaking over you, cutting you off. “Even when it breaks tradition?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “What fucking tradition?”

He points upward, his smile widening just a fraction. He seems amused. “See for yourself.”

You do as he says, and it’s there that you catch sight of it: a fake mistletoe dangling above your heads, pinned to the doorway, high enough that you can’t reach it. Annoyance brews in the pit of your stomach, because there’s no way this is fucking happening. You narrow your eyes, glare at him. “Fuck you. You planned this.”

He shrugs – a complete non-answer, you know, but you’re almost already certain of what it means.

“I hate you.”

“I know.” He gives you another smile, though this time, it’s smug, knowing. Like he’s mocking you. You’ve never felt the urge to punch anyone else as much as you do now, and you’d have done it if you know you aren’t going to lose. You settle on glaring at him instead, trying to put as much intimidation behind it, but he only grins at you, unfazed. “What do you want to do about it?”

It takes you a second to realize what he means. You lower your head, clear your throat. Embarrassment courses through you; you feel your cheeks grow warm, and at this point, you could only hope he’s far enough not to see it. By the time you’ve regained enough composure to finally look up at him, he’s still staring at you, watching you with a smug smile on his lips. There’s a twinkle in his eyes, as though he knows something you don’t. You narrow your eyes at him, frowning. He definitely knows, you’re sure of it, and now he’s gloating about it, too.

“Whatever,” you say, trying to affect a flat tone. You turn your head, look around you, nodding in satisfaction once you realize it’s empty and there’s only the two of you. Good, that means no one’s going to be around to watch this whole fucking disaster. You clear your throat, look up at him. He’s still sporting that smug smile – the one you want so badly to smack off his face, and you’re certain that one of these days, you’re really going to do it. “Let’s get this over with.”

You step forward, walk over to him. He doesn’t push you away or move back. Instead, he stares at you, still smiling, quiet as he waits. You’d punch his pretty face if you could, and then you have to stop and shake your head because there’s no way you’d just thought of that.

Whatever. The sooner you can get this done with, the better. Maybe you’ll have enough time to grab a drink or two and sit in silence wondering what made you play along in the first place. Maybe you’ve hit your head on the way, too. You’ll have to get that checked one of these days.

“Well?” he asks with a raised brow when he sees you aren’t moving. He taps a finger against his cheek, still smiling, still waiting. Fucking asshole. With a glare, you move toward him, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. Quick, chaste, and not at all sweet, but then he turns his head at the last second, captures your lips in a proper kiss.

It surprises you at first, and there’s a split second where you’re paralyzed, uncertain to react. Whatever thoughts you might have had before are quick to disappear into the ether. The world around you falls away, fades into nothing – and all that’s left is you. And then him: the feel of his lips, the warmth of his body. The hunger in his kiss. As though this has been a long time coming. And maybe it is, but you’re not trying to think about it.

You make a strangled noise in your throat. It’s easy to melt into him when there’s nothing to hold you back. You kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him toward you, closer than you’ll ever have him. In response, he pins you against the wall, and the force of it would hurt, really, if you aren’t so distracted by his kiss.

He smiles against your lips like he’s pleased. You’ve half the heart to curse him out, mostly just out of instinct, mostly because you’re used to it, but then he runs his tongue along your bottom lip, coaxing, and god, you’ve never been this fucking weak before. Everything’s instinctive, automatic; you move without thinking, fueled only by heat and so much wanting, parting your lips open for him, accepting. He smiles again.

He slips his tongue in your mouth, runs it along every inch, and you cup the back of his neck, pull him closer, as though you’ll never get enough of this – him. He makes a low noise in his throat, and the sound of it only sends a shiver down your spine. Your heart pounds. Your head spins. Your stomach’s twisting into knots, and you feel almost weightless, light, as though you’re going to disappear any minute.

By the time you pull away, you’re gasping, trying to catch your breath. You’re still reeling from the shock, the knowledge of it all, because there’s no way that just happened, and there’s no absolutely no fucking way you actually liked it, and you’re still trying to process everything when he clears his throat and speaks, breaking you out of your reverie.

“So,” he says. There’s a knowing smile on his lips, and the glimmer in his eyes makes you want to punch him. Or kiss him again. You don’t know which one you actually want to do at this point, and it frustrates you a little . “Still hate me?”

“Yes,” you reply, because it’s the only thing you can think to say.

He laughs, stares at you for a second. He doesn’t seem convinced. You open your mouth to say something – call him out, anything, but then he steps closer, enough that there’s practically no distance left between you. Slowly, he reaches out, twirls a lock of your hair around his finger. Your breath stops, catches in your throat. You can’t breathe, can’t move, can’t do anything but stare at him, waiting. He catches your eye, grins at you: toothy, mischievous, and very, very troublesome. “What if I try to change your mind?”

[ashintheairlikesnow]

You don’t have to write this if you don’t want to, but there’s an idea that has been on my mind lately and I just need to get it out there and share it with someone. Lately I’ve been thinking about a whumpee sitting in the passenger seat of caretaker’s car, being driven home after caretaker picked them up from the bar. Under the influence of alcohol, whumpee starts casually rambling about the fucked up shit that whumper did to them, all of which caretaker was completely unaware of. Whumpee wasn’t normally the type to open up to them. Caretaker is horrified, while whumpee is too drunk to even notice caretaker’s stunned reaction.

CW: References to domestic violence, drug use, derogatory self-talk, Kauri being a Drunk Mess. Takes place early after Kauri starts coming to the safehouse.

"I said, 'Oh my God, look at that face,'" Kauri sings, voice husky and cracking, boneless against the passenger seat. "You look like my next mistake-"

"Annnnnnd we're not listening to this," Jake interrupts, leaning forward to switch from the random dance-pop playlist to his own personal one. Kauri's glimmering smile fades into an overwrought pout in response.

"Boo. You have the worst taste in music."

"I do not. I just don't want to listen to you drunk-sing Taylor Swift, that's all. Not again. Last time you cried."

"Excuse me, Jakob Stanton, that was a private performance and you should be glad I didn't make you pay for the concert of the century." Kauri kicks his dirty Vans up on Jake's clean dash, crossing his legs at the ankles. He drops his right hand down to pull the little lever on the side of his seat, the back falling backwards until he's nearly lying down. "Not my fault I get carried away with emotions."

"Ever tried not doing that?"

"Yeah." Kauri smiles again. Jake pretends not to glance sidelong to watch his eyes move, like he can see the stars right through the roof of Jake's car. There's a hickey on Kauri's neck, bruising in the shape of teeth and tongue. Might be lipstick smudged on an earlobe. Kauri's own mouth seems too red in the dark, yellowed under the occasional streetlight.

It isn't the answer Jake expects. "What?"

"Course I tried. You think I let this pretty face be ruined by all those ugly tears before? It's in my training, you know. No tears unless he wants them, no screams he doesn't demand, nothing left that he didn't pay for. He wants a gorgeous face, not some asshole who feels things and has opinions."

Jake falls quiet. His music seems incongruous now, clashing with Kauri's soft voice. He takes a turn, driving out of downtown where he'd found Kauri giggling outside yet another bar, dancing with a group of people who looked just as wounded as he does.

He isn't as good as Kauri is at knowing, but he thought at least two of them probably had barcodes hidden underneath jewelry and long sleeves, too.

Romantics run away often, it's in Jake's literature. But they struggle once they're out. They don't know how to make a living. They tend to shoplift because no one showed them how to pay, they can't get a job anyway even when they know what to do. They get treated like shit and taken advantage of... and they go back. They're bad at hiding, at blending in. They get caught, or they go back.

"There's a lot in you that nobody made but you." Jake wishes he was better at this. He's still kind of new at it, and Kauri hasn't been coming around that long. He still has some bandages under his shirt, covering the fresh scar on his collarbone.

"Therein, Jakob, lies the problem." Kauri intones the sentence like a professor delivering a lecture. "Mr. Owen hated all those parts, because none of them were in the person I was supposed to be."

Jake tries not to grind his teeth too obviously. Mr. Owen. Fucking asshole.

"I tried not to feel things that I wasn't supposed to. I was great it, too, for a while. Even better at lying once the feelings showed up anyway. But that wasn't enough, because it was a lie and we both knew it. Love is just lying, for us. To ourselves. To the owners. To everyone. We don't really mean it. We don't know how."

Jake licks at his lips. They sit at a stoplight, and he wishes he'd told Nat to get Kauri instead. Or had told Kauri no, figure it out, it's late and Jake doesn't want to be doing this.

But Kauri called, and he came.

It's a bad habit he can't let himself get into, or he'll be who Kauri always calls on nights like this.

He hopes so, anyway.

"We lie." Kauri's voice is a haze, fog rolling in off the bay. Kauri sounds the way someone looks when they're far enough away that every edge has softened. "We manipulate, we steal, we plead and flatter and fuck like rabbits. And there's absolutely nothing underneath."

"Kaur, you know that isn't true-"

"Every time there was," Kauri continues, as if Jake hadn't spoken, "He hurt me, and then he put me back in my box."

The light finally turns green, and Jake presses down on the gas. "Your box?"

"My delivery box. He kept it, set it up against the wall. When I couldn't be empty enough for him, when he remembered it was all just the two of us lying to each other, he would put me back in it. In the dark... all by myself." Kauri blinks rapidly, and Jake sees streetlight gleam, dim and yellow, off the tears escaping the corner of his eye to soak saltwater into his hair, just above his ear. "Can't feel anything. Can't see anything. Can't hear anything. He'd leave me for hours. One time for-... for over a day. Once he even moved it around like he was sending me b-back."

"Holy fuck."

Jake thinks about that.

He thinks about the way Kauri flinches away from small spaces, sleeps outside because the doors don't lock when there aren't any.

"Jesus," He whispers.

Kauri doesn't seem to notice.

"I just got so tired of pretending I didn't feel it when he hit me," Kauri says, holding his hands up, looking at his own palms. The leather bracelet that hides his barcode looks like handcuffs at this angle, in what passes for light at midnight under nothing but tree canopies lining residential streets. "I couldn't keep it up and he couldn't keep remembering I'm not ever going to suddenly become Vincent fucking Shield, even if he killed me. And... and he was gonna kill me sooner or later, right? After the choking started, the..." He touches his collarbone over his shirt. "He was going to, soon. And nobody would care."

Jake swallows, hard. "That's not-"

"I almost didn't even care anymore, either."

There's no way to respond to that.

He just listens.

"I got so tired of being empty. I couldn't lie to him any longer. Couldn't keep lying to me, either. I'm a failure, a broken pet. I wanted to tell the truth. Just the one time, I wanted to tell the truth without being put in the box, Jake. I wanted to say that I could hate him more than I loved him. I wanted to get to hate him at all. But there's... there's a problem with that."

"Is there?"

What the fuck else can he say?

"Yeah." Kauri digs a hand into his pocket. He swallows something before Jake can stop him. Maybe it's just Tylenol to hold off the hangover. Maybe. Probably not. Kauri'd smile swims, uneasy and seeming oddly seasick. "The problem... is that the truth isn't what I want it to be."

"Kauri-"

"I am empty, Jake. I got away from him and there isn't anything in here. They're right. I'm not even a person. Just a face and a cock. Just the cold and the walls and... and the box."

"That's not true-"

"It's okay." Kauri, absurdly, lays a hand on his arm to soothe him. "It's okay. I don't even mean it. I'm just rambling, Jake. None of it means anything. I am so drunk, just ignore me, yeah? Just talking shit, that's all." He suddenly smiles, bright as any star, and jerks his seat back upright. "Hey, can we go to Burger King? I want some fries."

The sudden swerve of mood feels like driving right off a cliff but finding yourself suddenly flying a plane.

"What? It's twelve-thirty in the morning-"

"Drive-thru is open til one. Come on, Jake, please?" Kauri's eyes are absurdly wide, too blue.

Jake groans. "Yeah, fine."

Kauri claps his hands together with glee, half-lunging to grab Jake's mp3 player. "You're my favorite person on earth, Jake. Now, where is the list with the pretty orangey looking background color..."

Kauri keeps his eyes carefully unfocused so he won't read the letters. The guitar starts up for the first song in the list, and Kauri grins. Whatever he swallowed is already starting to work on him, pupils wide, wiping out so much of the gorgeous blue.

This time, Jake doesn't stop him from singing along.

-

@finder-of-rings  @endless-whump  @arlin-always-writing  @thefancydoughnut  @newandfiguringitout  @doveotions  @pretty-face-breaker  @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow  @boxboysandotherwhump  @oops-its-whump  @cubeswhump  @burtlederp  @whump-tr0pes  @autophagay  @whumptywhumpdump  @whumpiary  @orchidscript  @outofangband  @eatyourdamnpears  @hackles-up  @grizzlie70  @mylifeisonthebookshelf  @keeper-of-all-the-random-things

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Yes Rosa is a thief for stealing a lot of stuff off your blog that was specifically meant for your blog but the recent sighting post would’ve made it to twitter anyway. I’ve seen plenty of people already post it without crediting you and no one is calling them out so I don’t see why anyone would specifically call her out for doing it. It’s a Facebook post. It’s not something that was specifically meant to only be posted on here. Seems kinda silly to get so worked up about it. If you’re going to call out Rosa for this post then please call out the others who have posted it without credit to you.

i'm not trying to be funny, but did you read the text associated with the screenshot i posted? i'm specifically calling out rosa because she has made dozens and dozens of posts calling me a rat in response to me making posts outlining her thievery, as if it were some kind of farce.. as if she has never visited my blog explicitly to steal commentary and content. this is not about me ''getting worked up'' about someone cross-posting a screenshot, one which i already credited an anon for alerting me to! it's about the utter ridiculousness of this woman so brazenly continuing to farm content from other peoples accounts and attacking them when approached about it.

outside of.. well, rosa, i try not to be a stickler for people innocently reposting things. reposting a screenshot is not the problem here, and i think anyone following this ''saga'' knows this. obviously i'm not here to gatekeep, i'm here to do the opposite in freely sharing things that some would like to keep amongst their circles. but i'm human. i hate watermarks - i don't like to use them and i never have. but you have to realize that it is very disheartening when you see people taking content you have compiled, created, edited, thought out to write, etc. and people just repost the stuff as their own, without ever indicating the very source from which they received that content.

an example of this is the amazon reviews. i was not the first person to find his amazon account - far from it. but i spent hours and hours across several days scouring the internet via obscure search engines and other whacky means to find ones that had not yet been publicly shared, to my knowledge. i did compilations and edited them together for easy viewing. people took those and reposted them all over twitter, tiktok etc. and never once linked back to my account, who did the work. i didn't say a peep about that, but would i have appreciated a shoutout? of course. again.. i'm not a bot. i'm a human. i have a life outside of this blog and i want to share things that make folks happy or entertained, which takes some time. every single time a person has reached out to me to share a lead, a new photo, etc. i have explicitly asked if they wanted public credit on my account when i posted it, as a courtesy and respect for those who contribute. i have never wanted to seem like someone who just slaps my name on something and calls it mine, and to a certain degree i would hope most would operate this same way. hopefully that is reasonable to you.

[roseverie]

Hey <3 Is it okay if I ask for an advice? I really need it and I have no one else to talk to. I’ve honestly been considering cutting off a toxic family member, but I feel conflicted about it. I talked to my aunt about this, and she was incredibly unsupportive. She acted like my decision to cut off this person was a great act of ungratefulness, like I had the obligation to remain in contact with this person, like I had to ignore every thing she’s ever done and said to me just because she raised me, and even though I have my reasons to cut her off, I can’t help but feel affected by her words. Also, besides the things she’s done to me, she’s an overall bad person, you know? Not someone you would like to meet or keep around you, but at the same time I think about her actions, she went through a lot in life so sometimes I think maybe that’s the reason she treats me so badly, maybe that’s the reason she is the way she is and is so full of hate, and I don’t know, this makes me feel kind of obligated to understand her, or tolerate her, or like, excuse her actions towards me. Anyway, that’s pretty much it. It’s been really difficult and exhausting to deal with this situation and I guess I just needed someone else’s perspective on this, or an advice, or whatever. Thank you so much in advance and I hope you have a lovely day 🌷💕 (also, I forgot to say this but you don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want to)

Hi <3 I understand your situation and all your feelings so much, hence I could write a lot on this, but I’ll just dot point a few things and I hope it can help you 🤍

- You can understand why someone is the way they are/empathy for what they experienced, but that never means it then renders the toxicity you have experienced as nothing. Someone going through a lot in life can explain behaviour but it does not excuse it. It’s difficult to not fall into the trap of conflating tolerance and understanding, it’s imperative to maintain the difference in your head. You can understand why someone is the way they are but that does not mean you have to tolerate their toxic actions/words.

- You are not responsible for another person’s emotions or the way they will react to something. If your aunt deems you ungrateful for wanting to justifiably cut off this person for your own well-being, then that’s the aunt’s mindset. You do not have to navigate a solution that appeases everyone, you do not have to share this mindset. You are allowed to disagree rather than trying to uphold this false perception that everything is alright.

- Also just a point in terms of the whole raising a child: Providing shelter/food etc, all caregiving stuff like that is the bare minimum when someone is a minor. By not neglecting a child the parental figure fulfils the minimum requirements of law. It doesn’t make them a “good parental figure”, it just makes them “a parental figure.” An actual good parental figure is someone who supports the child in their emotional and mental development, someone who nurtures the child so that they are equipped to thrive when they reach adulthood. The fact some parents or relatives continue to use the example of doing the bare minimum as a means to suggest the child is forever indebted to them is very toxic. If any parental figure has caused distress or harm (emotionally, mentally or physically) a child is not obligated to keep them in their life no matter if they raised you. You do not have to stick around this person, you should not be made to feel guilty for wanting to cut someone toxic off, setting boundaries is very healthy.

[lily-orchard-gossip-blog]

On the topic of EoT’s suspension and whether or not that’s a self ask anon, it’s very much likely bc I’ve never really seen any of LO’s fans use her exact name calls for anything or think they’re being creative by coming up with a clever insult for something she doesn’t like, or copy her exact phrasing word for word, not that I’ve really paid much attention to that anyway, however….I was once a LO fan, and my ex as far as I know, most likely still is. Even when we were still together, they sometimes threw around specific terms LO uses when talking about stuff ie “white favoritism” in terms of writing characters, shipping and character lineup, “Poe faced” about a mobile game we played together coming out with a new season at the time and their ‘concern’? over it being unnecessarily ‘edgy’, “gay reylo” about catradora, and “nazi/fascism/abuse apologist” about making their main villain oc irredeemable and making sure not to write them like rebecca sugar would,etc and i hate to say it but they’re a pretty good example of a sheep and not even just when it comes to Lilian. I think what started to have me go down this rabbit hole of how problematic and awful LO really is, is how I kept getting this vibe/fear of accidentally offending her, if I were to interact with her, basically walking on eggshells, which is not good, and brings me back to my own past traumas with toxic abusive assholes I’ve dealt with. If anything I still kind of enjoy MO’s art and videos, but I’ll have to watch in a way that doesn’t go straight to LO’s pocket.

And I kind of have the feeling LO’s influence may have also contributed to even my friendship ending with my ex too, bc even when we broke up as a couple, we were still okay with being friends, and even while I thought things were fine between us after awhile, apparently things weren’t on their end bc they pulled away from me completely over how similar our coming outs were; they told me after reflecting on it, they noticed this pattern of similarities between them and their timings, basically accusing me of copying them and tacking on their labels just so they could notice me? I’m sorry but don’t flatter yourself. Because that is farrrrrrrr from the truth and it literally took me over 6 yrs to come to terms with being gay, going back n forth on whether I was actually bi or lesbian, and even with my pronouns, I am comfortable with going by she/they, and even with those I still contemplated over for awhile bc I always had this fear of ‘faking’, so I made sure to take my time in figuring these things out, regardless whom I was interested in, not letting anyone define me and they knew that. While they said I never did anything objectively wrong, it’s like they just picked apart any “questionable” thing about me and used it as a reason to drop me when she/they were never like that at allllll, more so the opposite, and seeing them act this way felt like such a betrayal because I never saw it coming from someone I considered one of my best friends, we literally started dating on our 7th friendship anniversary the year before. We almost made it to a year and despite their hectic work schedule, I knew they still did their best and I was nothing but understanding and supportive and loved them no matter what…I just..feel like it could have been handled so much better and that we could have come to some sort of understanding. I made it clear that I wanted to hold myself accountable for any flaws and mistakes I may have made throughout our relationship and apologizing for my timings coming off a certain way that offended them…taking responsibility for myself, my actions, any misunderstandings, open to having a civil conversation, call things out and clear up any confusion, but they just weren’t here for it and I don’t think it would have mattered what I had or hadn’t explained at that point, not if they were just going to pick it apart in a black and white/all or nothing way like a certain youtuber they sheep over. Shortly after Christmas, I found they had me blocked/removed on everything… Also they didn’t know I was getting those walking on eggshell vibes from LO either, I never told them, mostly bc they seemed to be defensive of her and I was still trying to figure out my feelings on that, not knowing if it was intuition or just me being paranoid. I’m so sorry if this is all over the place, but I also recall seeing an ask here about friendships falling apart bc of LO’s influence and I felt I may as well work that in and vent a little. If LO encourages questioning the validity of someone’s labels and cutting them off over it, that is truly fucked up, considering she said that if someone identifies a certain way, you don’t question it unless you want your teeth knocked out, yet she also misgenders those she doesn’t like… those inconsistencies alone, among many, are a red flag.

.

[fangirlies]

i dont want to be annoying, but now what do u think of the accusations? cuz the racist video was part of a role in a series, in the nude photos he was a minor and friends came out to defend him, but i dont know what to believe from the things he said and shared on his twitter lol i mean i make those jokes too, the same kind he makes, but its just that for me: jokes. thats why i dont know if its okay for me...? i dont want people to hate me for supporting it but now everything seems too fake to me, especially when the girl who started it all made videos on tiktok making fun of having ruined his career and wrote to someone on ig insulting, and finally, how she deactivated her account when everyone started exposing the inconsistencies in her story (later she activated it), so that makes me think about how strange everything has been 😭😭 especially when percy doesnt give announcements, but hes active on instagram (likes) and also that the cast hasnt stopped following him AHHH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK i need my favorite writer to guide me pls pls and also sorry 4 the grammar im 🇧🇷 😭😭

Hi there friend!

First and foremost I’d like to say that when the news first came out about the SA, it did shock, confuse, and hurt me. I have stopped supporting artists/actors in the past for such allegations for obvious reasons, so obviously it was a natural reaction for me to no longer want to support someone with such allegations out there. However, I did some slight digging as we all did and informed myself about the allegations being tweeted and after just a few scrolls, I thought the whole thing was just strange. The story never made sense to me, the girls kept being rude to people who were asking normal questions to fully understand the story, the spread of his nudes as a minor?? It truly left me confused and so I stopped reading and interacting with such posts. I also thought it was strange people were going through his likes and kink shaming him for things he’s liked on ig before the accusations came out. And that’s my issue with ‘cancel culture’ they find one thing out and start digging for every and anything they could find to pin on a person and start building their own conclusions, hoping anyone would believe them. And people do.

Now, his use of the slur was wrong and I could never deny that. Am I a little confused about his lack of response? A little. But I do believe he was told not to comment on anything yet for whatever reasons, which at the end of the day was smart on his end because now these girls have twisted and rewrote their story— lacking credibility.

Although I’m not fully convinced about it all, I’ve made this account solely an xavier account and maybe some of his other characters too. I was and still am a little wary about adding his face to my pieces because I want to make everyone on my account comfortable. So if anyone has any issues with that, I hope they can privately reach out and tell me about it!

But anyway bestie, I mean this in the nicest way possible— don’t let me and my opinions steer you a certain direction that you’re not comfortable in. I have my own opinions that some of my other friends on here may or may not have and that’s fine! I still respect them and their decisions to either stop writing for xavi all together or to add his picture on their writings and what not. But thanks for reaching out, I hardly talk about it on here because at the end of the day, it’s an xavier account and my sweet little muffin boy did no wrong. I can happily seperate actor from his character but I can understand why some writers can’t.

Also, omg a Brazilian bestie?? I’ve heard amazing things about Brazil and dream of scratching it off my travel bucket list one day 😭 your grammar was perfect! Never apologize bestie!

[dirtykpopsnaps]

Because @mintchocolatesunoox asked, here’s why I don’t take requests for other groups now.

My main problem is that I’m not hugely into kpop anymore. I listen to it, but not a whole lot. I have multiple groups that I sometimes listen to, but people would constantly request for groups that I didn’t know. I would only get requests for groups that I didn’t follow some days and I would just get mad because this blog was made specifically for the groups I follow.

Second, because I don’t know these groups, I don’t know the members and the selcas aren’t always labeled or even labeled correctly. So, I would choose a random selca and hear one of two things…1) “that’s not the member I asked for, but I like them, too!” or 2) “that’s not the member I asked for, please remake it”. These snaps kinda take a bit to come up with, especially because I come up with it on my own. I’m a huge people pleaser (hence why I was writing for groups I don’t follow *anyway*), so hearing those responses just made me feel upset or sad because I didn’t do it right and I would start beating myself up.

Third, I’m just busy. It takes a lot longer to make snaps for groups I don’t follow because I have to check members’ age and full names to tag the snaps correctly, and then try and find selcas that sometimes aren’t even correct…and then I get the comments about it, even though I’m trying the best I can. I’m a new teacher and a lot of my time goes into either 1) dealing with my kids/duties at school, 2) dealing with my young nieces and nephew at home (three under the age of 6), or 3) trying to relax a bit after doing my best all day to control my chaotic classes when I’m a major introvert and just want to basically sit and cry all the time.

Four, to go along with said comments about “this isn’t the right member”, I would occasionally get hate for that, because either the member was underage (because I trusted my followers to realize “hey! she doesn’t do this for other groups, why would she do it for mine?”) or the member had said “I don’t like when people write this stuff about me” which, again, I don’t follow the group, so how would I know??!! And these people would come at me saying what I do is “horrible” and that I’m “a bad person” and “this is disgusting”. And, yeah, I’m a pretty sarcastic person and I usually let it roll off my shoulders, but it’s been a really hard road to get to this point and sometimes it still fuckin hurts.

Sorry for getting riled up, but I’ve talked about this a lot. I’m not mad at you or anything, but it’s just frustrating. This is my blog and I try to make it accepting for everyone, but it just fucking IRRITATES ME when people push and keep asking. You were very kind about it, so again, this isn’t about you. But, I’ve had people literally BERATE MY BLOG because I don’t make snaps for groups I don’t follow anymore and it fucking PISSES. ME. OFF.

- Admin

[not-poignant]

Hello, happy holidays!

I’ve been a quiet consumer of your works and I just wanted to thank you for being such a source of writing inspiration for me. Especially with regards to how you handle reader engagement.

I used to be really sensitive about every negative/not explicitly positive interaction regarding my story and ruminate for days about what I did wrong, but your attitude towards people not always being into your content has really helped me engage with mine in a healthier way.

Idk if that makes sense lol. Feel free to ignore this if it doesn’t. Happy holidays again!

Hi anon!

Hopefully my replying to asks in sometimes an extremely untimely manner has not made you too anxious, it's definitely a me thing, and not a you thing. (*Quietly kicks my email inbox under the rug*).

Honestly, I can understand being sensitive to these things! I think a lot of creators are like 'you have to develop a tough skin' and while it's nice if you can, some of us remain relatively thin-skinned until the end of time, so instead we just have to learn ways to deal with it otherwise. Negative things still get to me, but now I can actively remind myself that it often has nothing at all to do with me, when it comes to my writing, or that I don't deserve to be treated with disrespect, or to be made to feel like it's my fault that *they made the choice to read my writing.* (I've never made anyone read my writing - but I do like it when it happens!)

I think as well, when people like and don't like your stuff, you're doing something right. It means you're making something real. I love onions on a burger, will always ask for extra onions on a burger, and some people can't stand onions and will be like 'ONIONS ARE THE GROSSEST THINGS EVER' (and asshole twats will be like) 'HOW DARE YOU EVER EAT ANOTHER BURGER AGAIN WITH ONIONS BECAUSE I HATE THEM' and when you look at negative comments through the lens of my burger analogy, you realise just how much what these people say has nothing to do with the people who like onions on their burgers. They are screaming into the abyss. They forgot they could use their little legs to just walk into a different store lmao. They forget they can leave.

That's what blocking, deleting, or reminding people that they could at least be respectful is for. But yeah, ultimately, people just need to find the burgers they like, and stop expecting the whole world to cater to them. Especially when it comes to free fanfiction / labour.

Anyway so it does make sense. I can talk about this until the cows come home (obviously). I don't think you need to feel unaffected by this stuff when the negativity comes, as long as you can gently remember some perspective here. Whatever your favourite food is, some people hate it, and the responsibility of those people isn't to get you to change your favourite food, it's to go elsewhere. And if someone forgets they have that power, I am always happy to remind them. And a block/delete reminds people just as well as saying something, depending on the level of troll you're encountering.

(If it's just general polite negativity I generally still remind them that I didn't make them read a thing, and they are welcome to go elsewhere. Sometimes you need to remind people that the exit is exactly the same as they door they came in through, they just need to turn around and use it, lol. And if it's general polite negativity with a few positive comments, I'll just respond to the positive stuff and ignore the rest).

(Also caveat: Doing things actually wrong when it comes to representing marginalised identities is an entirely different kettle of fish, obviously this is something to listen to and take on board and reflect on. That's just a very different strata to the kind of engagement I'm talking about here, where someone gets weird because like... I didn't make a character pregnant, or because I didn't describe a back story the way they wanted me to and so on (that's why fanfiction exists! Folks should write some!))

Sometimes folks also just need to be reminded of - or taught - fanfiction and fandom etiquette. Not everyone knows it, and not everyone picks it up through osmosis. But ultimately...

I don't have an ultimately, I just had a Wednesday afternoon ramble hehe.

[g-kat423]

about the fic rewrite, it depends on how much you want to change, IMO. Is it just rewritting to paraphrase stuff, adding a couple more lines and other minor fixes? Edit the previous chapters and make a new one as an author announcement, so the readers still subscribed can check out the changes. But if you intend to change more meaningful things in the fic like the plot direction or characterizations, I think making a new version is the way to go. Most writers I've seen doing this tend to delete the old one, but its fine to leave it as well. Nowadays in the lady d fandom new fics tend to not get as many kudos and comments as they did last year, unfortunately, but theres definitely still an audience there!

Hey, thanks for your response! I was thinking about making some major changes regarding my first completed fic so an entirely new fic would probably be suitable. I made all of my works private awhile back because I felt really self conscious regarding my writing ability and the fact I couldn’t see myself writing anytime in the near future with how sick I’ve been, but things are kind of improving(for now). When I think of my first fic, I’d describe it as a porn with minimal plot. It was mostly meant to be smut, but I feel it has potential to be something a bit more fleshed out. A lot of the descriptions and dialogue is clunky too. Back then it was like I was trying to get chapters out as quickly as possible even if they were short, barely moving the story forward. There’s also issues with tenses changing idk why I seem to struggle with that. Overall it was something I was proud of at the time because I had never written nor published more than a oneshot before, but being a couple years removed from it now I’m less than impressed.

I also am aware the fandom has been slowly dying out which makes me sad, but fandoms tend to do that if it isn’t a supermassive ongoing thing. Even for myself I lost interest while I’ve been struggling. In a way I feel like it would be good for me to write and get myself out there again even if it meant less attention, just to feel like I’ve accomplished something and then it’s out there if people take interest in that. It’s not like I was ever a big name fic writer to begin with. Im surprised any of my fics got attention.

I’d also like to resume my 2nd fic that’s been on pause for over a year now. I’ll be surprised if that gets the attention that it did if and when I update, but it’ll be nice to see it through to the end at some point. Tbh I’m kind of over the whole x reader thing and the au fic I was doing feels so far removed from the source material that I love and prefer.

I think what I’ll do is rewrite my first fic and retitle it(I hate the title, it doesn’t suit the story like at all lol) and note that it’s a rewrite, and maybe republish the original with a note that there’s a rewrite. I think I’ll maybe even remove the x reader aspect and go with an oc which I know will definitely get less attention, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’ll be a good way for me to get back into writing again especially since the bones are already there.

Edit: and should I rewrite the fic in its entirety I’ll publish the entire thing at once to not clog up the Alcina Dimitrescu tag or seem like I’m trying to stay on top with an old fic. It’s more for my own peace of mind anyway.