#anyway I am so tired I need to sleep
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Siffrin in a Stardust Cookie event outfit because the name speaks for itself now if you excuse me, I need to sleep
#fanart#my art#artists on tumblr#isat siffrin#isat#isat fanart#siffrin#in stars and time#stardust cookie#because ref is up there!!#I didn't know he has an outfit like that when I first checked that he exists#after getting another outfit and thinking “Siffrin coded!!” without looking at the name#and them proceeding to laugh about it#Siffrin coded Stardust cookie truly beautiful#it's past 4 am I NEED TO SLEEP#but I also wanted to finish this thing#so now I feel like me feeling tired is multiplying at rapid speed#look at him so majestic so beautiful#Loop might be jealous#but I play dress-up with Siffrin for now their turn is not on#i'm sleepy now#anyway good timezone to you all too#Also look at that ponytail#I hate it because I don't know if it would suit him or not#But Stardust Cookie has it SO it's a long haired Siffrin now#He looks like he did a magical girl transformation...#Just imagine
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"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever
(I make a webcomic about them)
#GODDDDDDDDDDD I love them#theyre so.....#I just.#good. theyre good#I need the comic to come back NOW...#no I dont. I havent finished enough yet#I've finished 7 episodes so I gotta make 3 more minimum but 8 more ideally. which is. a big gap..#anyways I got up early to draw this cause I couldnt sleep#and someone shared it in a server I'm in and I was like. oh I have to#but now I'm super tired and I can sleep#so good night. enjoy my beautuful art of my beautiful vampires#'good ngiht' it is 10 30 am.#sleep. she betrays me yet again.#anyways working on coming back working on kickstarter stuff working on book 4#working on commissions working on my patreon...#work work work work#trying to be forgiving of myself LOL working like 50-70 hours a week and still feeling like its not enough#imagine if I WASNT on meds rn. I'm focusing better and there's still just way too much sheesh#super need some support but also I'm chillin#I was assigned an editor and she has not given me a single note#so I'm like uhhh. rlly feeling aimless and lonely#I'm doing very good work its some of my best stuff#but...#yeah. idk. just a lot HAHAHA#but I got like 45 mins to do a quick drawing#for my mental health...#time and time again#adam and steve#ttawebcomic#adam
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I like them a whole lot 💜
#tf2#tf2 fanart#team fortress 2#tf2 medic#tf2 engineer#science party#engiemedic#digital art#artists on tumblr#you can see these as platonic if you want#anyways theyve just been on my brain a lot and i needed to get them out#im a peach fuzz engie truther sorry#hed only be like that for like a week every 2 months but that wouldnt stop me from drawing it anyways#also my medic drawings are so fucking inconsistent i am so sorry it will happen again#his eyebrows are always fire tho#my tablet died when i was nearly finishing the second drawing so i had to color it with my mouse SOBS#i think medic looks a bit twinkish in the second pic and i hate it but im too tired to fix it#also tablet not working as i mentioned before#anyways goodnight im going to sleep (it is 6 pm)#demos art
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when the hero is of twilight or smth. this was supposed to be a quick sketch to test out some brushes two hours later idk how we got here
#linked universe#linked universe fanart#lu twilight#lu fanart#i need. to sleep. it is one am. i have Things to do.#also the weird white thing is supposed to be a wolf skull but idk if it came across like that#whatever im just so tired#got too lost in the twilight sauce and now my eyes feel heavy Oops#anyways bye#thee fanart
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Hey #GreekMythology tumblr, I want ya’lls help on something :).
So, I’ve been thinking about starting this massive project. Like, would take years and years work of writing and research and sheerly finding the time and motivation for. And as I was thinking about the specifics, I thought: why not bring others into it as well? Because as much as I am interested in a lot of Greek Mythology, there are things that are simply not my interests and might cause writers block and my goal for the project would to be as fun as possible. So, here we are.
What is the project exactly? Well, hopefully, it’ll be a long Ao3 series/fic focusing on the individual perspectives of various figures/events in Greek Mythology arranged in (semi/good enough) chronological order. I personally intend to write for Poseidon in his/my version of the Titanomachy and (maybe) some events that follow, if you want a little bit of an idea on what I’m talking about.
The limits on this are almost completely free, all that I ask are that each of your submissions are one POV only (and by that I mean your main subject’s POV). Why do I say this? I say this because that is what I want this project to look like. It doesn’t matter if it’s First, Second, or Third POV along with all the other variants of those three, my main focus is on the individual experiences of these individuals. Kind of like character studies, if you know what I mean. I’m intending for it to be mostly formal but I will absolutely accept crack admissions that I will probably put into its own series to Separate the Vibes for whoever comes by :).
Ultimately, this is a completely open-ended project that has absolutely no deadline. I’m about to go to bed so I can’t go into too much detail, but if you want to DM me or send any asks, I am completely okay with that and we’ll all flesh out the specifics we go :).
What is my overall purpose? Not only is this project made for my own individual purposes of learning more about the gods and other Greek Mythology writers, but it’s also the chance to spread the word of other writers. I know how hard it is to get specific audiences, especially when you’re shy, so this is a chance for your work to be stumbled upon. Each post on the eventual Ao3 fic will include your socials, how to find you, and your other general works on either ao3, tumblr, wattpad, or other :)
Can you participate even without socials or a tumblr page? Yes you absolutely can :). My asks will always be open to anons and I will do my best to give credit when I eventually post everything :). If you want to post multiple submissions or simply just want a trackable (between works) name to your writing, just sign something at the end. It could be a name, it could be a potential username, I don’t mind at all :)).
How do I submit things? Well, the best way would be to DM me :). I have a personal writing email separate from most things that would be perfect to either share a google docs with or to just send a copy-and-pasted copy of it. Otherwise, I take asks. None of them will be posted unless asked or we’re ready to so it’ll be safe to just drop them off in! It’s also where I take questions :).
Any other things to note? I’d really appreciate some other moderators and editors :). There’d only be like two or three of each and we’d have to know each other decently well before officially starting, but some help would be appreciated! Also, I’d like to keep a working ‘spreadsheet’ of who’s working on what just for people to see what’s going on :). Maybe some people can collaborate or it’ll encourage those niche writers to write :). A third thing is that most questionable stuff is accepted. I’d personally rather not handle all those things other than posting it so it might be a while until I can officially accept (consensual and/or graphic) ✨spicy stuff✨ but, other than that, I’ll take any of it (also, it’s Greek Mythology, almost all of it already happened). If someone’s willing to take over the ✨spicy stuff✨ then please DM me so we can work out the details and see if it’s a nice fit :)
Honestly, that all should be it. The main point is that I’m trying to start up a long-term project on Tumblr and Ao3 about what is essentially Greek Mythology character studies that not only allows for mass communication across a wide audience, but also (hopefully) gets some recognition for the smaller writers :). Feel free to DM me or send me asks with questions but for now, I shall sleep
Tagging: @bluebellstudio @thirteen-deaths-later @0lympian-c0uncil @happyk44 @h0bg0blin-meat @sworeontheriverstyx @deathlessathanasia @gotstabbedbyapen. Sorry if I tagged you and you want nothing to do with it, I just wanted to get it out there /pos /gen
#ya know this is the one time I regret deleting all my old accounts :/#I had such a large (ish) following on my old tumblr (neptunes-sea-of-writing btw if you recognize it)#that it’s kind of intimidating to restart again :(#need to do it tho. i just gotta#but I haven’t really written-#anyway that’s not this post’s problem#tagging everyone to try to get it out there#even if you aren’t interested#it’d be appreciated if you share anyway to get to a larger audience :)#i just. wanna build that community and know more things#as much as I’d love to tackle this project all on my own#I know I can’t and it wouldn’t be beneficial for me#but since a large portion of it is gaining knowledge#why not ask it from others?#tagging everyone to get it out there#also the general tag is going to be:#Neptune’s Big Ass Greek Mythology Project#bc why not :)#but seriously#consider it if it’s your thing#and if it’s not that’s fine#I remember being a small writer so intimidated to find people#and I’m feeling that feeling once again having started my entire platform over again :)#we’ve all got this. we’ll make it work /pos#greek mythology#also#you can write for absolutely any fandom#idc#as long as it’s one consistent pov of your focus character :)#also I’m like incredibly sleep deprived and tired rn ive been up since four am and its nine pm rn
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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I don't mean to sound dramatic but I'm still flabbergasted by that TLP episode. Like, I literally can't stop thinking about it. I can't believe they cut THEE love scene that people have been waiting months to see. The love scene that, in my opinion, should be the emotional climax of the show.
I mean, props to them for keeping most of the dialogue from the book because I will admit that was the most important part of the reconciliation. But how tf do you make a show with so many gratuitous love scenes in order to capitalize on your main couple's chemistry and popularity... and then fail to deliver when the story actually demands it?
Like I'm sorry I can't shut up about this but at the same time I don't even know how to properly articulate why I'm so disappointed. And I don't mean to sound greedy because it's genuinely not about having one less love scene; it's about the storytelling aspect of it. They could have cut almost any love scene between eps 8-12 and it wouldn't have made much of a difference. But why leave THIS ONE out? The whole show is about Anilpin's relationship. That's literally the only plot. And the only real drama that exists in this story is the angst we've been watching for the past couple of weeks. That's the main conflict of the show and the main conflict between the characters they've been setting up since episode 1. How do you take this romance story and then not give the main drama, the ONLY drama, a proper emotional resolution? How do you have the main couple separated and suffering over each other for months and then not give them a proper love scene when that's exactly the emotional payoff both your audience and the characters themselves have been waiting for? Just... why?
Anyway, I don't even know why it annoyed me to this extent when in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter all that much. Maybe because I think TLP is miles ahead of most other gl shows in terms of quality so I set my expectations too high. I don't know. I'm just... confused.
#6 am here and i can't sleep. anyway. just needed to get this off my chest.#god i'm so tired#the loyal pin
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Inktordem!! More of a plot-y fic where I toy with some fun ideas I had, less character-driven. I am. So sleepy hfjdks.
Spoilers through early OPC episodes. (Probably through 1-ish, or 3-ish.)
DAY 7 — NEVE
Dante saw the dusting of frost crystals along the bottom frame of his window this morning, but getting hit with a blast of icy air when Ivete opens the front door is a whole other feeling entirely.
“Goddamn!” she exclaims. “They weren’t kidding when they said ‘cold snap’.”
Arthur sighs. “And not even any snow to show for it.”
“Shame,” Dante remarks, pulling his coat a little tighter around himself. His usual cape is underneath it, and he’s suddenly grateful for the layers. “As fun as it would’ve been, though, it’s probably for the best.”
“Oh probably. I don’t think São Paulo is equipped to handle snow.”
“Or ice.”
“Or ice. Damn. At least we wouldn’t have to drive in that to get to base.”
“Come on, come on, keep moving,” insists Ivete. Dante hears her head down the short steps to the sidewalk. “We’ve got to shut the door to keep the heat in.”
Dante feels Arthur move forward down the stairs. He follows after, his own hand finding the railing—cold and slick with moisture, a feeble frost that dies instantly under the heat of his skin. Dante makes sure he’s got a good grip on it before he brings his white cane in front of him and heads down the steps with practiced ease. And perhaps just the slightest bit more of caution.
Ivete’s arm finds his once he’s on the sidewalk, their elbows linked. Ivete shivers a bit. “Damn the cold.”
Dante smiles a little, pulling her closer. “Got the door, Arthur?” he asks.
“Yep.” There’s a telling thunk and a jangle of keys. “All set here. Let’s go.”
“We’ll warm up a bit when we start walking,” Dante says to Ivete.
“We better.”
They get to the main thoroughfare soon enough. Dante tilts his head. He can hear…more cars than usual? It sounds busier. Not as many willing to walk in the chill, he supposes. Dante’s never been a fan of the colder months—the orphanage was “drafty” at best, and his apartment with Jasmine and Leo wasn’t much better; but when the worst of the cold is a brisk 20 minute walk and an underground base that gets a little chilly sometimes, it’s not so bad.
He can enjoy the novelty of it now, he supposes. Frost decorating the window when he woke up, bundling himself up in a coat, walking tucked a little tighter to Ivete’s side than usual as they head to base together. It’s not so bad.
~*~
“Ohhhh, hey, hey!” Dante hears Agatha spin off her chair in the back of the ritual room and come trotting over. “See, this is what I was talking about—people are posting videos about the snowfall south of here.”
“Yeah?” Arthur’s chair creaks as he leans, likely to look at Agatha’s phone. There’s the rustle of papers as he sets down his case files on the table. “Oh yeah, look at that.”
“Look, there’s one of someone nailing their friend on the back of the head with a snowball from like, twenty meters back.”
“Oh seriously?”
“Yeah! Dante, you wanna watch?”
Dante pauses his fiddling with the artifact in his hands—the arrangement of its etched sigils has some intricate pattern with the hum of the Paranormal beneath the surface of its chain links—and shrugs. “If you think I should.”
“I do, I really do think you should. It’s important.”
“Alright.” Dante opens his eyes, and the veil is parted in a swirl of imperceptible shadow, and he Sees. His head takes a second to adjust to the sudden stimuli as usual, but the shape, color, sharpness of Arthur and Agatha sitting at the table before him settles in his mind quick enough. “What am I looking at?”
“This here,” Agatha says with a grin, scooting closer so Dante can see over her shoulder. She has a different sweatshirt today, he realizes; black with a faux wool lining inside the hood. He moves his cane out of the way so he can get closer. “Look look look, it’s funny, I swear.”
They’re four silly videos into a hashtag of people dunking snow on each other’s heads when there’s a knock at the door. “Come in!” Arthur calls.
Samuel pops his head in through the door. “Morning, all. You guys busy?”
“Ehh, not really?”
“Depends on how you define busy,” Dante provides.
“You wanna watch someone get snow poured down their shirt?” Agatha asks.
“Uh, in a minute,” replies Samuel, a small laugh in his voice. He sobers a beat later: “CRIS might’ve picked up some activity, and you guys are the only ones in this early who aren’t already wrapped up in something.”
Dante feels the air in the room shift immediately. “Occultist?” he asks.
“Hard to say, but…I don’t think so?” Samuel opens the door a little wider and points towards the computer room. “I can show you guys, if you want.”
~*~
What Samuel wants to show them, apparently, is more videos from Twitter. They aren’t like the ones Agatha was showing them, though. These ones were all taken during the previous night when the snow rush hit: videos from people sitting at bedroom and living room windows, showing the wild tempest of swirling snow outside, the rattle of it against their windows, the roar of it against their walls. Porch lights were shattered, a few people lost power, and someone even lost their whole satellite dish to the winds.
And there is one video in particular showing, through a window, a strange glow from somewhere in the darkness, bright and blue-purple-orange around its edges. The person who posted it initially thought it was a broken power line, but when they checked this morning, the power line seemed intact.
“All of these posts came from the same town,” Samuel explains, a heat map of location pins pulled up onto his second monitor. “And the thing is, I’ve looked at the official reported weather patterns in the greater region, and what you see here is way more intense than what it should have been.”
“And then there was that glow,” Arthur says.
“And the ‘roaring’ sound from some of videos,” Dante adds. He looks at Arthur. “That didn’t sound like wind to me.”
Arthur considers this. “Soooo, creature causing a blizzard?”
“Could be. Or feeding off it. Either way, it’s worth checking out. Has anyone from the region been reported hurt or missing, Samuel?”
“Nnnnnot that I’ve seen…” Samuel says slowly. “There might be more in the database of the local police, but I haven’t seen anyone post about anything like that other than like, normal accidents that probably happened as a result of the sudden power outages. Nothing major.”
“We should try to keep it that way,” Arthur decides. “There’s nothing in particular we’re needed for here, so Dante and I can go check it out.” Arthur looks his way. “That is, if you’re up for dealing with some more of the cold?”
“It’s not so bad,” Dante replies. He feels his own smile somewhere in it. “When do we leave?”
#curlyinktordem#my fics#ordem paranormal#I didn’t feel like writing quarantena fic so I started googling abt snow in brazil#apparently there was an abnormal cold snap in 2021! which is between opd and opc in canon#like I said I chewed more on ideas rather than characters#Dante feels vvv flat to me as a result but also. am tired. Will save big character thoughts for another day.#anyway no proofread as usual lmao I need sleep#maybe in the morning
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Might just be them
#ocs#let the man go to sleep he looks so tired 😂#I’ve been laughing my ass off at this since last night#mainly because of how almost accurate this feels for them lmao#I always say this but their height/size difference is everything to me kfjskdjdk#valen serving face and body and cleavage and everything else#gideon is? serving perfect posture at all times ig lmaoo#the canon nightgown is everything to btw she do be going to bed looking like that#princess babygirl#anyways this is really stupid but it was 12 am after a long day loll#I needed this#valen x gideon#my ocs#my art
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Hide - RKS
Hide your love, don’t let it slip away
#yeah so this was inspired by Hide by Rainbow Kitten Surprise#I’m so emotional over them#anyway I’ll probably be sleeping when this gets posted#stayed up wayyy too late to finish it#good god am I tired and aching but I needed to get this done#Serennedy#luis serra#luis serra navarro#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#serrennedy#luis x leon#leon x luis#resident evil 4#resident evil 4 remake#re4#re4r#re4 remake#moose posting#moose draws#moose draws re#moose draws resident evil#I hope I hit all the tags I needed#explanation for my interpretation tho: Leon is struggling to reconcile his feelings for Luis with Luis’s past.#He’d hate to miss him not because he hates Luis but because he doesn’t want to lose Luis#Losing Luis would lead to him missing Luis so he wants to avoid that altogether#That’s my take on this.
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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progressing through the myth of sisyphus again
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#netzach#netzach lobcorp#obligatory drawings. ive had the book since my freshman year in highschool but never ended up finishing it due to how its worded and the#structure of it.. i need to be in a very specific state to be able to focus. mostly for reading in general but even more so for this#i have done parts though. never in its entirety which is a shame its a very intriguing read. hopefully i can finish it and then reread to#fully process. it is just 138 pages after all. its just so Dense... enough of book shit though. LOBCORP!!!#living hurts but the body yearns for preservation and people want to Live. to live is such a crucial want even if the self doesn't recognize#it on its own. everything in the flesh is designed to try and keep you alive. pains to eat the signals to drink the fear of hurt and pain#the automatic jerk when pain is experinced. the signals to show pain. yet living hurts. to survive hurts. so to sleep#to numb the pain to go through escapism to shut your eyes. general ideas. to see such a thing addressed and spoken about and acknowledgement#of pain and how it gets to that point was very stunning to me. it felt so real. seriously its hard to Not consider such a thing and its#rather scary? moreso when one doesnt have the words to explain or able to see such a thing experinced. it felt amazing? to see such a thing#Wanting to Die yet not to Die and to live but living hurt so much and so to get by and for the pain to Stop one does anything to soothe it#suffering is tiring. suffering hurts. its empty yet its excruciating. the want for it to stop and to not be there and experince it anymore#be it through various means or to the extreme to force it so that Nothing Else could ever happen to you. even pain. ahh nuts not quite just#lobcorp its just ramblings in general somewhat related since i didnt reread the exact dialog lately.#anyway skethcy drawings yay... i am fine currently its not super bad as it was earlier just a fatal flaw of thinking a lot (rip)
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#i’m not even awake rn but i also can’t sleep because my brain is playing that ‘that’s not gonna happen…i’ll make sure of it’ line on repeat#it’s the way carla repeatedly makes lisa look her in the eye when she tells her something important#like with the ‘you mustn’t put yourself in harm’s way’ line#and ultimately doesn’t it all just boil down to ‘trust me’ / ‘trust yourself’#when lisa trusts *nobody* least of all herself#anyway. i’m too tired to be coherent actually but when these two stop playing silly buggers i’m going to need#lisa to give carla the best foot massage for all the running around she’s been doing for/after her#it’s the WAY carla takes her by the shoulders and holds her at arm’s length and forces her to meet her eye and tells her#with so much indisputable confidence#I Am In Your Corner#i am fighting this fight For You#the way she tells her i will not rest until you’re safe and then she just….. doesn’t!#tells her i will do everything within my power to clear your name and then……. does!!!!!#lisa baby i’m going to need you to open your peepers and then your heart and then your arms and then your p—#[GUNSHOT]
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✨ thinking of him thursdayyyy ✨ (<- said in a monotone deadpan with jazz hands)
#volition thoughts. as usual. (sorry im so fucking deadpan all of a sudden hello lmao? probably bc i need to sleep.)#hey. volition ship captain and echem as a siren. what then huh. he's already like an octopus AND its mermay.#(<- will not act on this thought in the slightest but know that i am thinking it in the back of my mind)#i think they're lost at sea and the sirens keep singing and volition's losing more and more crew but he's fuckin volition so of course he's#not falling for it. but its okay in the end the sirens are just leading them back to land because my god give them happy endings. please.#concept and suggest would also be sirens i think. ency and logic are navigators. volta do mar should be here because i say so.#volta and kinetic dressage are little fairies then that help volition with sanity/the ship. who can stop me im not even making this.#anyway VOLITION. i am totally normal about him and 95% of my brainspace is definitely not occupied by thinking about him.#jesus ive been so tired lately (its! the! ✨ chronic fatigue! ✨) i WANT TO DRAW but i am. too tired. writing is easier...#but i want to draw so many volition things. hmgbmbbb... i want him to be loved... which in retrospect is fucking silly he is a character.#okay vision's straight up going unfocused so we're done here goodnight. o7#chemi chats
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adult wins, adult anxieties and fears and frozenness.
#I take my responsibilities so seriously and I take my work so seriously and so consequently myself so seriously#and that last one I need to not do#it doesn’t all come down on me. I am not in charge of everything or in control of everything#anyways I’ve just been absolutely wrestling these past few weeks with my internal landscape#if that makes sense#but it’s this thing where I just feel full of layers of deception#to other people because no matter who I’m talking to there’s something they don’t understand about me.#and this part of my brain goes insane when I’m tired and stressed and empty#and I have simply been doing so much non-stop#that I am due for a crash and a rest#unfortunately my brain also loves to torment me when I am tired and stressed#(it’s because of the tiredness and stress)#not a thought here is coherent or connected#but I need to rest and recharge#it’s like I keep finding new aspects of me that i can push harder. increased stamina. mental strength. more Finely honed observations#so I’ve just been doing it (everything life teaching conversations existing) at a much higher rate of intensity#and productivity#but the exhaustion this produces is new to me and it’s very scary and idk what to do with it#(rest. change my metaphorical tires. sleep. recharge)#anyway ignore me
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