#anyway! lemme know what you think <3< /div>
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Fic: Brilliant Things
While Rook is trapped in the Fade prison, Johanna and Emmrich are forced to help each other overcome their own regrets. DRAGON AGE | EMMRICH & JOHANNA; EMMROOK | WORDS: 4,553 | RATED: G
(AO3 LINK)
It’s pathetic, really. Volkarin has always been a soft touch, but this snivelling is something else.
Despite her own prodigious knowledge of anatomy and the undead, Johanna had not known the human body capable of making such a hideous racket prior to the events of these past few days. Corpses do not weep, and even if they did, she hardly cares.
The worst part isn’t even that she’s reduced to mere ornamentation in the already ostentatious study of one of Nevarra’s greatest necromancers, forced to watch him burn a hole in the floorboards with each anguished thump, thump, thump of his feet as he teeters at the edge of a nervous breakdown borne by the weight of his own misplaced compassion. No, this part was inevitable. Volkarin had always been destined to crack one day—she just wished she could have been the one to cause it.
No, the absolute worst part, worse than having been denied the opportunity to gloat over her lifelong rival, is that despite the circumstances, the lovelorn fool’s dedication to his Watcher duties have been thorough to a fault. Johanna has of course tested the wards binding her soul to her remains multiple times; she’d been trying to escape before this most recent escalation in their circumstances, it would be downright idiotic not to try when facing down the end of the world as they know it. Especially while her only hope at salvation rubs his red-rimmed eyes and mutters inconsolably under his breath, unwilling to accept that it is in fact his infernal meddling which has doomed them all.
It’s simple, really: if Volkarin had just stayed out of her way, left her alone, Johanna would still have her beautiful bone construct—the culmination of her life’s work—with which she would’ve had the power to raise an army of undead to defeat this so-called god, this Elgar’nan.
But Volkarin had possessed the sheer nerve to outplay her at the most inopportune moment. Although she’s ordinarily capable of giving credit where it’s due, she cannot respect the lack of long-term strategy. Of all moments to finally locate his own backbone! Volkarin had always been like that, though. Capable of surpassing his own self-imposed limitations given the correct impetus. What else could one expect from such a hot-headed, idealistic man as he. Ugh. And couple that all that with a new paramour, a bright-eyed young thing surely twenty years his junior, it’s no wonder Volkarin’s been distracted (but not distracted enough) of late.
What needs to be done now is plainly obvious to Johanna, or indeed, anyone with half a functioning brain. For whatever reason, everyone in this crackpot team of would-be heroes that Volkarin has somehow gotten himself mixed up in relies on Rook, even though Johanna’s not sure what the impudent whelp brings to the team, other than a tendency to meddle which rivals even Volkarin’s. And as the group’s resident expert on the Fade, Volkarin is the most well-placed to tear a hole in reality itself to locate his misplaced lover. Even Johanna can see that would make for a most romantic story indeed, and she doesn’t even read that sort of dreck.
But it’s clear to Johanna that Volkarin is functioning at perhaps one-tenth of his usual operating capacity, compromised as he is by needless sentimentality. Of course, the type of man who would sacrifice not only his lifelong dream—immortality itself!— for a mere wisp, of all things, would struggle without the guidance of a more indomitable hand.
And in Rook’s absence, the task falls to Johanna. Unfortunately. Here she’d hoped her days of solving Emmrich Volkarin’s problems for him were over, but no matter. Unlike Volkarin, Johanna Hezenkoss does not shy away from necessary evils.
As always, she chooses her words carefully, delicately balancing dramatic effect and efficiency.
“You know this is entirely your fault, don’t you?”
Volkarin stops dead in his tracks as though she’d just punched him. The respite from his infernal pacing is most pleasant indeed, and she’s elated by the knowledge she can still instil such a reaction in him even while bereft of limbs.
Expression jumping from shock to outrage and then, most curiously, to acceptance, Volkarin raises two fingers to rub at his temples, quietly answering, “I know.”
Johanna’s mandibles clench tightly and it is only with some difficulty that she manages to relax them. For Volkarin to admit his failings so readily, the situation must be worse than she had feared. “And what do you have to say for yourself?” she asks instead. The last thing she needs him to know is that she’s worried.
Volkarin averts his gaze as he hunches into himself. She remembers the stance well from his days as a young child at the Necropolis. “I should have confessed the truth to Rook while I had the chance,” he admits in the most mournful, pitiful tone that makes even Johanna feel sorry for him as much as it makes her want to vomit, if she were still capable of such a thing.
While it’s not quite the answer she’d hoped for—then again, Volkarin would never debase himself by offering her a proper apology for everything he’d put her through—it’s one Johanna can work with nonetheless. Doing her best approximation of a tongue-clicking noise, she replies, “Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that argument you had with your paramour.”
As planned, the words bait him back into action with a sputter. Back straightening and fingers curling into the palms of his ungloved and unadorned hands, he snaps, “Still hung up on—” before cutting himself off and pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathes deeply to regulate his emotions, the same exercises they’d been taught as apprentices. Johanna had never cared much for them.
The next words that come out of Volkarin’s mouth throw her for a loop. “Have you ever been in love, Johanna?”
One of the downsides of no longer having muscles or tendons is the inability to answer questions through exaggerated facial expressions alone. As much as it pains her to lend legitimacy to this line of inquiry, there’s a frightening intensity in his eyes suggestive of a commitment to this topic of conversation. She suspects he won’t accept a total deflection, or worse, that such an attempt might set off his moping again.
That still doesn’t mean it’s any of his blasted business. The time to be asking these types of questions was thirty years ago, not now. “I’m familiar with the concept,” she says acridly, hoping it’s enough to satisfy his curiosity before swiftly adding, “Not that I see how it’s of any relevance.”
Of course, Volkarin simply can’t leave it there. Instead, his lips purse, the look he now fixes Johanna with one of mixed pity and disappointment.
Infuriating man, to think such condescension could possibly affect her!
“Then you would know what it feels like,” he continues quietly, “to leave such matters unresolved with no resolution.”
Of course he would turn it around on her: a most pathetic and transparent attempt to make this an exercise in ‘practicing empathy’ instead of learning to properly communicate himself. She deftly avoids the obvious trap, cutting to the chase instead.
“You’re an idiot,” she states cleanly, simply. There’s a lack of malice in her words that surprises even her.
Volkarin must sense it too, because even though his body visibly tenses at the accusation, his reaction is short-lived. Instead, he allows his shoulders to slump—terrible posture, really—before running a hand through his tousled hair, the action accentuating the dark circles beneath his eyes. Finally, he sighs, a little huff of intermingled acceptance and defeat. Pinching the bridge of his nose once more, he answers, “I’m afraid you’ll have to explain yourself, Johanna.”
Now she’s really concerned, and even more adamant about not admitting it. Esteemed Professor Volkarin, inviting her to lecture? She’d never thought she’d see the day. Preening nonetheless, she doesn’t bother to disguise the elation from her voice as she points out the obvious. “Your paramour is trapped physically in the Fade, correct?”
Volkarin blinks; it’s too difficult for Johanna to distinguish whether he’s simply concentrating or staving off a fresh wave of tears, so she doesn’t bother.
“Correct,” he answers, fingers rubbing at his chin now, itching at the three-day-old growth which is a sight bewildering to even Johanna.
She does her best to continue ignoring the absurdity of it all as she continues. “And my understanding is that you are indeed Professor Volkarin of the Mourn Watch, one of Thedas’s leading experts on the properties of said Fade, are you not?”
The masseter muscle in Volkarin’s jaw twitches. “I don’t see where you’re going with this.”
“You always did lack a certain vision,” she says with a sigh which could be described as downright nostalgic. “I simply ask, what would happen were the situation reversed? If you were the one trapped in the Fade?”
Volkarin’s face softens, lips twisted into a smile so besotted it sickens her. “Rook would stop at nothing less than breaking into the Fade barehanded.” Johanna watches him expectantly as his eyes widen in realisation and he mutters, “Oh. Oh dear.”
It would, of course, be too much to hope for him to actually admit that she had a point, that she was in fact, entirely correct as always. “You always did give up far too easily,” she admonishes instead. “I’m frankly astonished you ever got anything done without me.”
Not only does he have to the gall to ignore her reprimand, he even adds to her immense displeasure by resuming his infernal pacing. There he goes, thump, thump, thump against the floorboards again. All take and no give, just as always.
A newfound wave of frustration pulses through Johanna’s consciousness and she’s hardly a patient person to begin with. “You know, when I told you this situation was entirely your fault, I wasn’t talking about the missteps you’ve made in your pathetic love life.” There’s a new vigour—an urgency—to his steps when he finally deigns to face her. His hands together with frenetic energy. “Johanna, this is hardly the time. There’s so much to set in motion—”
No. Absolutely not.
She refuses to be overlooked again.
Shouting over him, she demands to be heard. “YOU. RUINED. EVERYTHING.”
But Volkarin still won’t be diverted and waves a hand as though before himself as though to dismiss her accusations. What’s downright infuriating is the confirmation that this infatuation with some youth he’s known for less than six months means more to him than all the years they’d spent working together. He pulls books off their shelves with alarming velocity, muttering titles under his breath that Johanna can’t quite decipher.
Never one to back down from a challenge, Johanna tries again. “If only there was more at stake than locating your lost paramour,” she hedges.
Volkarin continues to ignore her, but she can see his hands shake.
She makes another attempt, but this time she doesn’t even bother to disguise any lingering traces of bitterness evident in her voice. Not that she had been holding back on purpose, of course. It’s simply a most peculiar situation in which they find themselves. “If only you had an old friend with practical experience in creating receptive Fade eddies.”
A sharp intake of breath. Aha! A reaction! He doesn’t look at her yet. “What do you suggest?”
She’s not going to let him off that easily. “I don’t know. I didn’t realise you were seeking my opinion on the matter.”
“Johanna.” He finally turns from the bookshelf, pushing back unruly locks of hair from his forehead. “I could not have expressed myself any more clearly.” “Only because I had to do nearly all the work of leading you there!” she snaps back in return. Despite her gnawing frustration, there’s comfort in the familiarity of their conflict, the back-and-forth, the diametric oppositions of their world views.
Johanna will never, ever admit it aloud, but she has missed him. Not that it means she wants to spend the rest of his life trapped in his study, mind you.
But still, better this than death, better this than the cowardice Volkarin had embraced with open arms. For all that the good professor harps on about morality, of propriety, of decorum, of kindness, the real difference between them is that Volkarin is little more than a persnickety academic, but Johanna is the true innovator. An inventor. Her experiments speak for themselves. Yes, her aptitude for the more experiential aspects of their art had resulted in her current predicament, but failure is only ever a temporary setback, so long as the fundamental nature of existence remains intact.
And right now, that can't be relied upon. Elgar’nan had changed the trajectory of the moon itself! Even Johanna balks at such audacity.
It's only then that she realises Volkarin has been silent too long, which is entirely suspicious for a man who so adores the sound of his own voice. But at least he isn’t snivelling again. No, instead his forehead is furrowed deep in thought, fingers scratching at his chin once more.
“Careful,” she warns.
Volkarin blinks, his attention snapping back to her. “What is it?”
“You’ll hurt yourself, thinking that hard about it.”
Strangely, he begins to smile. Maddening man! “I suppose it would be too much to hope for you to simply help me out of mere goodwill.”
Something about his tone and his expression manages to get under her skin even though she no longer has any. “Obviously. You know me better than that.”
“But you are considering offering lending your knowledge to our cause due to the mutually-aligned nature of our interests.” “I would’ve used less words,” she answers in agreement. He holds up an index finger as though about to lecture, but it’s evident in his posture that he’s barely able to restrain himself from pacing again. That he does manage to do so is a point in his favour, for now. “You’ve certainly made clear your opinion on my relationship with Rook.” When she opens her mouth to interject, he raises the other fingers on his hand, and despite herself, Johanna falls silent and allows him to continue. “Which brings me to the realisation your motive was to provide a distraction from my grief so I could recalibrate and continue on the necessary work that must be done in Rook’s … absence.”
While she’s glad to hear Volkarin’s voice tremble as he dances around the topic of the void Rook has left in his otherwise obviously miserable life, the fact that it even does so still rankles her. Even more frustrating is Volkarin ascribing emotions and feelings to her that she does not possess, as though he’s some sort of Chantry sister instead of a powerful necromancer. “I just wanted to stop the racket,” she snaps.
“Be that as it may, I couldn’t help but notice your choice of topic.” He sighs again, an exhalation of air that’s heavier than any of the noises she’s heard him make throughout their entire conversation. His shoulders slump. It makes her wish she could slap him with a ruler.
“For what it’s worth,” he continues, “I am sorry. Sorry lichdom failed you. Sorry you were unable to reach out to me. I amespecially sorry you felt the need to conquer the capital in order to attract my attention.” When he lifts his gaze to look at her properly, she is surprised to find his eyes glittering with a mischief that makes her feel thirty years younger. “Forgive me, but I am unaccustomed to receiving overtures of friendship disguised as attempted acts of war.”
She has told herself many times over the years that she has always hated him. She wants to continue hating him the same way she has survived these last decades in his absence. But in this moment, something within her breaks. Perhaps it’s the way they’re hovering on the precipice of the end of the world, or maybe it’s even the way Volkarin’s eyes resemble a baby labrador’s.
As it turns out, even she is not entirely immune to the proximity of Emmrich Volkarin’s moral fortitude. Everything according to the Mourn Watch’s plan, no doubt. Oh, she’s not an idiot: she knows why it’s his office in which she has been assigned to complete this part of her penance, even if Volkarin pretends they’re still figuring out the details. All these years of exile but still trapped by the consequences of oaths she had made when she had been much younger and more naïve.
The realisation should really disgust her but she finds herself devoid of her usual anger and envy, bitterness and rage. She realises, too late, what it is that has broken inside her: the dam that had kept any other most inconvenient emotions at bay.
A wave of vulnerability crashes over her and she is powerless to stop it. Her next words slip out of her before she’s even had time to think.
“You abandoned me.” Once spoken aloud, she wishes for nothing more than the ability to take the words back, if only to stop Volkarin staring at her like she’s just kicked him. The flame of hatred she holds for him at her core begins to flicker back to life.
“Johanna, I….”
“Don’t you dare apologise to me!” she screams. Maker, she’d throttle him if she could. Discrete emotions become increasingly difficult to identify, she only knows that she’s been knocked off course and discombobulated despite only trying to help for once. She feels seven years old again, lost and scared in the chambers of the Grand Necropolis, hating all these stuffy mages and their prim propriety, hating the newfound knowledge that such arcane energies filled her veins as well. The only friendly face a shy boy not much older than herself, and she’d helped him out of his shell with her façade of fearlessness.
And in turn, she had watched as he had become one of them.
“You don’t understand,” she hisses. She chances a look directly at his eyes again. He’s patient. Waiting. Despite it all, he wants to understand. Damn him.
But whether Johanna is capable of letting herself be understood is shakier ground, part of a vast expanse of uncharted territory that lies between them.
Putting it as bluntly as she can, she simply states, “Your parents died. Your parents loved you.”
Volkarin steeples his hands together, comprehension dawning on his features despite what continues to be left unsaid between them. “Ah. I—you never did tell me how you came to live at the Grand Necropolis.”
She scoffs. “What was there to tell? It’s only the same tale from all over Thedas. Parents have child. Parents don’t want a child with magic. Pah!” A surge of resentment swells within her. Why is she talking about this? Why is she talking about this with him? She hasn’t so much as thought about this in years. It hardly matters now. Just look at everything she’s achieved! She’s fifty-one years young and she’s going to live forever.
The thoughtful expression has returned to Volkarin’s face, and she’s grateful to find herself capable of hating it again. “You told me you were born near Perendale.” Why does he even remember that? Regretting ever telling him anything about herself, she answers, “I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Next he was going to be asking her whether she had ever been in love again. Why did he always insist on meddling in matters that didn’t concern him!
“That’s no insignificant distance to travel, especially with a young child in tow.”
“As though you’re an expert on travelling with young children,” she answers hotly, before recalling that pet skeleton of his. The way he doted on it, Johanna would be unsurprised to discover that Volkarin had indeed mistaken it for a real boy. Very magnanimously, she decides against saying this part aloud.
She just wishes Volkarin would let the topic drop. In the past, she’d always retreated whenever he had threatened to dismantle her walls and bluster with his disaffecting sincerity and dogged determination.
But now, she is at his mercy. And she knows—better than anyone—that despite his spotty track record at seeing through his commitments, Volkarin is nothing if not thorough. He’s an indecisive man, not a slothful one.
“I simply believe most parents do their best with the resources available to them.” He scratches at the side of his nose. “Most people do, in fact. Even if we cannot, at times, predict the consequences of our actions.” At this, he fixes her with a downright professorial stare.
“I am grateful I wasn’t snatched up by templars,” she begrudgingly admits. “I could have been sent to Kirkwall.”
The corner of Volkarin’s lips twitch. “Perish the thought. I do profess my gratitude that the Mourn Watch was able to take me into their care.”
It’s only when Johanna remains silent that Volkarin appears to realise his mistake. “Ah. Of course. They never did truly appreciate you.”
Volkarin’s words sound downright strange to her until she’s able to identify the anomaly: the phrasing is hers, not his. She continues to say nothing, entirely too suspicious of where he’s beginning to go with this. “And although I wouldn’t, as you said, dare apologise to you, I do want you to know I am aware that it was wrong of me not to speak in your defense when it came to the growing number of censures that had been amassed against you, even though your experiments benefitted my research. If I could redo that time in our lives again, I would have severed our partnership earlier and provided you a proper explanation of my decisions. “I suppose I assumed you would come around to my position on the matter. But I dare say you thought the same as well.” She watches the smooth column of his throat as he swallows nervously. “There was so much I was willing to overlook until I thought the price too high to pay. Naturally, recent events and conversations have elucidated to me that we have vastly different thresholds for such matters.” To say she is stunned is an understatement: that she has allowed him to prattle for this long without interruption is testimony to this fact. But it is even more stunning that to receive a proper explanation for the events that have haunted her for decades from the most conflict-avoidant man she has ever known. Other partnerships are unlikely to be repaired by an admission that they should have separated sooner, but nothing had ever been what one would call normal when it came to the two of them.
As much as it displeases her to admit it, Johanna is certain that Volkarin’s capacity to deliver his soliloquy was driven by Rook’s influence. What other force in this world but love would be strong enough to push a man like Volkarin to the brink of foolhardy bravery?
And while the thought is still annoying, it doesn’t sting as much as it once had.
Thus, it is with nostalgia and not bitterness that she remarks, “We could have done brilliant things together, Emmrich.”
Her use of his first name does not go unnoticed. How could it? His eyebrows raise so high they nearly disappear into his receded hairline. “You haven’t called me that in over thirty years,” he protests.
“And it’ll be thirty more until I use it again,” she insists in return. “Just tell me the truth. Was there ever a moment in time when you appreciated the power and potential at our fingertips? That you thought we could have been the ones to rule this world?”
He averts his gaze. Grinds his teeth. “Yes,” he finally admits. “I saw it. But it would have never been worth the cost.” Johanna scoffs. “There’s always some crackpot trying to take over the world. It might as well have been us. We had the best chance of it. Both of us liches, our knowledge combined, my brilliance counterbalanced with your compassion… There was a reason I kept a bleeding heart like you as a partner for so many years. But I underestimated your sentimentality.” She wouldn’t be making that mistake again, that was for certain. Just look at the situation it had landed her in! She would simply have to figure out how to best wield it to her purposes while she remained trapped here. If Volkarin thought she wasn’t going to continue using every tool at her disposal to facilitate her great escape, then he was sorely mistaken.
“Yes,” Volkarin answers softly, crows’ feet at the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he gazes at her with discomfiting fondness. “I dare say you did. Just as I am guilty at times of underestimating your brilliance.” He swivels on the spot and Johanna is afraid he’s going to resume his pacing but the walk he has in mind for now is mercifully short, only over to the bowl on his desk where he’s deposited the majority of his grave gold.
“What are you doing?” she hisses, hating how urgent her voice sounds to her own consciousness. She always hates it when he behaves erratically.
“I was under the impression we had work to do, my dear.”
“Absolutely not.” Surely it hadn’t been so long he’d forgotten her utter loathing of pet names.
He laughs, then, long and rich. It is a definite improvement on the snivelling. “Force of habit. Won’t happen again,” he promises. “First things first. I do believe you had some knowledge to impart on the practical applications of receptive Fade eddies?”
“Getting ahead of yourself as always, Volkarin,” she says by way of reprimand. “You need a bath. I don’t have olfactory glands and even I can tell that you reek. And a shave.”
He rubs his hand against his chin again, eyes widening as though surprised to find it covered by hair. “Ah! Yes. Thank you.”
“Completely and utterly useless.” This time, she’s disgusted by the tenderness in her own voice. Oh, no, this won’t do at all. “While you’re at it,” she adds, determined to get their shared task back on track, “get the elf girl and your skeleton boy. We’ll need to replace the stolen dagger in order to kill a god. And I don’t know about you, but ancient elven gadgets are hardly my area of expertise.”
“Of course, I’ll speak with Bellara.” His brow furrows. “But why do you want Manfred?”
“Because I don’t have arms, you idiot.” It really does make building things more difficult. And she won’t even be able to inadvertently kill the wisp this time due to the aforementioned lack of limbs. It’ll work perfectly, really.
“Consider it done.”
Not having much other choice in the matter, Johanna watches as Volkarin gathers his bathing supplies and heads towards the door.
It is on the threshold that he pauses and looks back at her, his hazel eyes bright with fiery determination. “I’ve always appreciated you, Johanna Hezenkoss. Let us continue doing brilliant things together.”
And then he is gone, door to his study closing gently shut behind him.
#emmrich volkarin#johanna hezenkoss#emmrook#datv spoilers#therapy doesn't exist in thedas so we have the next best thing: frenemies!#also it is very entertaining to read this through an arospec johanna lens because it then becomes her#not understanding why emmrich (or anyone) bothers with love#until she sees how it helps him overcome his fear lmfao. still not her cuppa tho#but i prefer to leave these things open to interpretation unless they're the centerpiece of the fic :>#anyway! lemme know what you think <3#ziskfic
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Qitian dasheng and other outfit concept sketches
#I always find it funny when in every iteration wukong is the only one to ever get outfit changes#he ran the fashion department pockets THROUGH#every season china’s Madonna gets a new dress cuz he’s the people’s prettiest little princess#jelly didn’t do a good enough job talking me out of that uglyass qtds design so you guys get to see it#I was going for a more empress dowager look to be unique but it doesn’t really suit him I think lol ^^#back to the drawing board#but I really do like that handsome monkey king sketch#the one with the small monkey in his arms#I like to think he’s actually very motherly to his children subjects <:3#that’s mother#I’m also trying my hand at giving him a more Indian outfit since that’s where they’re going -w-#not really satisfied with any of em lol#the crop top sketch is maybe him directly after getting out of the mountain and being petulant about the band#the tassels STAY ON#digital art#my art#jttw sun wukong#journey to the west#sun wukong#jttw fanart#monkey king#anyways lemme know what y’all think#I actually wanna hear other opinions on this :P#also if you couldn’t tell I’m obsessed with cloud collars at the moment#☁️ 🌺 🦢 ✨
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i dont know if anyone from not here is awake but .... yesterday i had the idea to perhaps bind the champions 2.0 abilities to the inventory/weapons
(totk rewrite "botw2")
so, for example, yunobos would be tied to a permanent two handed weapon (his signature weapon for example) in your inventory that doesnt break and doesnt need repairing (considering my craft and repair system otherwise) but instead needs recharging to recast the ability somwhat like when the master sword looses its power, but instead it just deals the base or reduced weapons damage (perhaps using the ability function via the throwing mechanic, like the MS swordbeams? or a different way to control it when using that speciffic weapon)
teba/tulins would be either a magic bow or arrow that similarly doesnt break/run out (unsure whether arrow or bow is better)
sidons water shield + heal would be tied to a shield
rijus would be tied to the hookshot, when aiming it thered be a button prompt to switch to send the lightning instead, thought to tie it to this bc i wanted it to be aimable similar to the hookshot and combining them saves you from making yet another aiming system and menu
the idea was that i could also use the tie to a weapon as an explanation for how they give it to you without repeating botw but worse (since in botw they are ghosts of the dead and a spirit knowing how to give an abilitiy tied to their spirit to you is more sensical than your childhood friend that didnt even have an ability at all even after a hundred years time last game suddendly not only mastering one but also somehow knowing how to give it to you within .. 5?) the explanation being that the weapon has been charged with their magic over the course of using it for so long or doing so during the dungeon
(like in yunos case, he was the only one that actually had the ability in botw, he always used a .. stone breaker weapon thing, and he gifts it to you at the end; teba/tulin would discover charging their arrows with magic during it and give you the bow at the end (perhaps them having to pull on the same bow to shoot it during a miniboss fight in the dungeon makes it charged with it); sidon would use your shield to channel his magic in a way to make it useful for you and since hes still new to using it, perhaps he gives you the permanent one at the start of the dungeon bc its the one hes been practising it with and at the end gifts it to you since its charged with it (if you leave the dungeon before beating it hed want it back sicne .. its his practice tool); riju charges your shiekah arm with lighting, like overcharging a device just before it breaks, perhaps discovered accidentally during her dungeon ? so we have a variety and not all work the same ... and overcharging bricks your arm for a short time lol)
the possible downside of this is the menuing, but you dont really have to use all of them all the time (maybe longer cooldown but more powerful anyway just like in botw- also each permanent weapon would be the first in the row) and .. anythign is better than those god awful sage ghost controls of canon totk imo lol
other idea would be that its NOT tied to a specific weapon, but just to the category in general, so when you got a shield out you get an extra button prompt to activate sidons ability (very similar to botws system but giving you the control of activating it or not) BUT that has the issue of lacking the explanation on how they give it to you and the downside of not having anything permanent, and while i like my reworked weapon system, also givign players a permanent thing even if not very powerful sounds kinda right to mitigate those complaints without destroying the system outright
#ganondoodles talks#ganondoodles rewrites totk#botw2#been trying to make some sketches for the bosses#and got a little stumped on what to do with dungeon items or abilities#until i thought of this#its arguably not perfect#but ......... still better than totk#a magic stone with the worlds stupidest name making them megically know how to do something is worse imo#saving the full breakdown on everything for when i get the sketches for the bosses done#whenever that may be#been trying to get rid of the pressure im putting on myself to make this project as cleanly as i can#like i want to fool people its real concept art or whatever#which is kinda stupid .... its never gonna look like that so why drive myself up walls trying to do it#anyway lemme know what you think of this :3#biggest trouble rn is deciding whether i want teba/tulin to be tied to arrows or a bow#for arrows youd always have some but that also a lil weird#for bow youd have to switch bows but it makes more sense#so probably bow#... unsure if i can combine the two#but maybe i can#this isnt deciding anythign permanent#just trying to see what others think of it
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doctober day 12: train tracks
fact: their favorite bedtime story is 'how mom, dad, and clint eastwood stole a locomotive and saved the space time continuum'. source: dude trust me
#back to the future#bttf#doctober#doctober 2023#verne brown#jules brown#my arts#my sketchy wip arts#would you believe there are no good references for that GODFORSAKEN MODEL ?????? bc there arent lemme tell you#i was pausing and screenshotting that blurry ass video so much T_T it was insane. and i done even think its 100% accurate#BUT YK what its fineeeeee u get the idea. PLUS whos to say some pieces didnt change throughout the years !!! ^^;#anyway this was brought on by me wondering what happened to that thing and i decided the boys play w it bc like. they would#i personally think verne would be chucking that wooden car off the track so hard. chaotic king <3#side note i love their outfits uwu theyre so dapper. def claras fashion sense (also bc theyre in purple lol)#also also i think theyd always ask what happened after the crash. like dad was marty okay??? did he make it back to the future??? :0#and doc having to just be like... idk but i hope so#:(((#bc like he literally DOESNT KNOW and obvs marty doesnt ever return to the 1880s so uh? did he not come back on purpose or did smth happen??#i think there should be more angst about that#time-train-building time skip my beloathed </3#anyway i didnt mean to talk about all this LMBOOO i got really off topic but yeah#(also my hc the reason the boys dont say anything in that last scene is bc theyre starstruck. marty is an celeb/action hero to them irl)#okay im stopping now sorry
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i love reading things set in countries that i'm knowledgeable and/or have been to because i can point out really minor errors in fanfiction. i think the average american does not know that in england (and apparently some of asia! which i only just found out) there are switches on power outlets so you can just turn it off instead of unplugging it. like 9 times out of 10 that won't come up but on the off chance it does i'm like ohoho. this clown has never been to england...! my favorite part though is watching americans (specifically americans because i swear to god people who speak english as a second language and/or are from any other country have some idea of what it's like to have an accent / personally know people who have accents? idk) try to write british accents like it is REALLY funny. i literally only lived their for five years and i never picked up a full accent myself (certain words and tones i did but they're mostly gone after living in the states again for a few years) but between living there and having a ridiculous amount of family there & visiting them often (like once a year if im lucky) i like KNOW what british accents sound like. i think some americans genuinely dont even know theres more than one or two english accents i think some people think there's like posh english and chav english and nothing else. maybe scottish accent gets thrown in there if they remember the uk is not in fact just england. i would bet real money they've never heard a welsh accent. anyway my point is it's really funny watching people who don't know as much as i do write this stuff. like i see it and i understand how doctors read this and go Oh that is so medically inaccurate. i get them now. anyway i dont remember what my point here was but please know if you are attempting to write a british accent. reddit and youtube are your best friends if you don't have a british friend you can ask and also rest assured even if you do ONE google search. it will not be the worst attempt ive seen guaranteed
#muffin mumbles#idek what the definitive worst one ive seen is#but ive seen some baaaaad ones#favorite example though is in the fucking jjba dub.#like thats not even a fan / indie project thats a real professional thing people were paid to do?!?! and the accents. are fucking TERRIBLE#please im begging you. you dont need to hire famous american voice actors for this. just go to any pub in the whole of england#and i can guarantee youd get better results accent-wise.#speedwagon's accent is easily the worst in part 1 like if you want examples lemme know cause i have some. its so bad. its really bad#but also so so funny#joseph in part 2 is. MARGINALLY better than most of the part 1 cast#not good. far from it. but an improvement#anyway hearing speedwagon say anything especially in part 1 (hes calmer in part 2 and he sounds better (not good. better)#like hes better in part 2 but not by much and only sometjmes.)#hearing this painfully obvious attempt at an american doing a cockney(?) (cant even tell for sure) accent complete with misused slang.#is SO fucking funny#like i showed me mom and she said it was worse than dick van dyke in mary poppins and shes not even wrong#and the slang isnt even like. irs not even super uncommon slang and i dont think its used wrong technically (iirc) but it just sounds so#painfully unnatural. please i am begging them to just hire british people next time. i promise you there are british voice actors#that being said i am still incredibly sad they just gave everyone american accents from part 3 onwards because i miss the awful accents#i miss them dearly.#the main benefit to this imo is that now joseph joestar despite living in england for the first almost twenty years of his life#just got this full blown american accent after living in new york. like i know he did not pick that up naturally#i KNOW dude watched stupid fuckinf tv shows to practice his accent. i know he sounded like a cartoon mobster and suzie q was like jojo.#please for the love of god. you cannot start talking like this. go back to being british#alas he did not listen. but he did drop the mobster thing (sadly.)#anyway this is really unrelated but if joseph was not old as fuck when it started airing i think he wouldve gotten a kick outta seinfeld.#like if the years lined up that wouldve been his main show to practice his american accent to the point people are like hey you kinda sound#like jerry seinfeld. and hes like hah i wonder how that happened!#hes a massive fucking loser is what im saying. hes like my weirdo great uncle joseph joestar#anyway. got really off topic. thank you for watching remember to SMASH that like button
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gonna keep it shmoovin man
#just me hi#i have a piece i was working on last night that i realized after i didn't have my computer could actually be Much more accurate to my ideaa#but that means i gotta scrap some stuff. sigh ᴗ.ᴗ#also i couldn't get around to readin my thing yesterday cuz my focus was shot for some reason lmao <//3#i would open the thing and then just start. driiiifting away kfshvg#//anyway idk what happened but why have i started to miss Gs at the end of my words Lmfhvaf#i already do that in real life we don't needa do that here too kfshvh#'asz wu' 'm sayin man !!' <- my engrish :3#i do like it though i think it's fun :> but my typingggg not you too kfsvhg#//anywho i've got a $1.75 thing i'm workin on :D#it's gonna hopefully be the third part to those last two i did for that thing#which goes adoration -> devotion -> guess hfh :3#i'm normal abt these guys. [places them in a lunchbox and throws it into the river to watch the bubbles] yea :)#//anyway Wednesday#not the best of the week days i will not lie#like you're stuck between the beginning and the end and it's just got that undecided feeling to it ykno what i mean pfshv#//also LMAO i've been calling feet/foot 'peets/poot' bc i think it's goofy and i don't like the F sound#and i got leo into saying it and he was talkin to somebody and had to explain what it was Lmfhjshfg#my infec- influence is spreading. influence. that's what i said#my woerds: peet. poot. tomach. shnoze. ham. heed. fingaa. ect ect#//ouhhh my collarbone keeps making these snappy noises when i pull my shoulders back#it's only occasional but holy shizz it's loud sometimes. like 'when we're in church i think you can hear it 4 pews back' loud khgsfjhfvjg#//ANYWAY i was mentioning wednesday earlier cuz it's not the best of days on the week (we know this) but i wanna go skating </3#'why isn't wednesday good for that' because it's the middle of the week. [gesturing]#i can't explain it but things need to happen on- Oo i like this songgggkkggg- either weekends or the other 4 days of the weekday#wednesday is for appointments you really don't want. i'm sorry but it's a filler day <//3#which means no happenings on a wednesday. it's illegal. that's right. Illegal#even thursday is iffy man. tuesday? tuesday is your last-chance stop. perhaps i do have thoughts about silly things Kfhvsjhgsf#nobody tell leo he's tryna get me for having a weird brain. the sentence is 5000 years of i-told-you 😔 Lmaooo#//OKAY i think i'm outta tags tho lemme say ciao here loll :3 toodles tooooodles !!! <3
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i need to talk about the dess raises kris au. or im gonna explode.
#chatter#GOOD TIMING TO THINK ABOUT AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY: EDITING UR TOH DAEMON AU LOL#like i can separate it out enough when im working lol but afterwards. oh its all deltarune babey!!!#been thinking a lot about dess and how i wanna write her#(aka im gonna canonize some mental stuff i've always kinda had in the back of my mind for her)#and GOD. dess. i forgive her for all her flaws <3#but no shes sooooo fascinating to me in this au its just. she was Eighteen. right in the middle of a pretty bad psychotic break.#the only person ever in her corner (asriel) Did Not Believe her and has always been real shitty about her undiagnosed mental illnesses#(dw we will come back to this i have a LOT of ideas for azzy lol he is. uh. not the best at the start!)#and so like. of course when it comes to kris her best was never going to be enough.#but GOD im soooo fascinated by like. she does genuinely really truly care for kris.#yes its messy and caught up in a bunch of other things but she LOVES THEM#even if she cannot ever love them in the way they want her to (ie as a parent loves a child)#and is it fair for kris? no! course it isnt!!!#but theres no changing the past and so. this is kris's life now#and its dess's life now. and they just have to live with what happened#thinking about the like. 6 months to a year where it was just dess and kris (before chara) and. god.#GOD. YOU GUYS.#sorry this au is. um. i think it is my everything. like.#if you know you know (hi stars lol <3) but. man.........man.#i have a lot of thoughts about. prophecy. and when translating that out beyond just story and into like. the real world#cause lets be real prophecy doesnt exist but things w this power of 'you are supposed to be x and cannot be anything but x' DO and#god. the dess raises kris au is So Much.#also yeah another acacia tags essay they simply hit differently <3#also enough to go into the main tag so#drkau#anyways lemme go back to editing lol
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I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:
I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]
This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing
This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me
Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.
With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…
It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.
Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.
To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.
It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]
When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.
And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…
It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.
I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.
So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.
And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.
Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.
To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…
Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.
But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.
So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.
And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?
Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…
Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…
Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]
To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.
He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.
Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…
As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.
Self-destructiveness
It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.
I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.
I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.
From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.
Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad
I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."
Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")
Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.
Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.
I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.
Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]
I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…
Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]
Lol
Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity
Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]
Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately
That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.
This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.
Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.
High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks
I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.
Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)
Lol…
Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others
Lmao Even…
Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)
I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.
Abandonment issues
Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.
Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place
Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG
Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]
Rofl Perhaps…
Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]
He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.
Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)
Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.
Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")
The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.
[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard
EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…
......
... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao
ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE
#long post#cw csa#doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately#snap chats#THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit#I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby#and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them#i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them#i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics#so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects#tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine#the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less#when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense#THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato#even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre#cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist#but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi#BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY#childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL#i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good#so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That
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Alsoooo royal and guard au for Shin and I? 🥺
I'm very predictable with this one. Also I don't know enough YTTD character's to make a WHOLE AU but I do know one extra
Prince Shin who is next in line for the throne, his half sister (same dad (The King), different moms) Princess Kanna who he is protecting from being married off to another royal family, and their head night Lady Emmy who works dutifully with Prince Shin to keep Princess Kanna safe (and whomst he has caught feelings for, but won't speak on them until he can bow out of being crowned king safely)
Something about Shin gives me major Would Not Want to be the King vibes, but sense he only has a little sister and definitely doesn't want her to have to become Queen, he's currently working behind his family's back to find a solution that also doesn't involve marrying Kanna off. His only ally in this quest to get out of being royalty would be his faithful knight Emmy who's been trained to be his guard sense they were both children.
If YOU have any more thoughts for this AU I would love to hear them because I am at a blank at this point kdjfkds
#Emile's Arts#Other's Self Ships#Thankyou for asking#I'm gonna play YTTD some day so I can have more to do with these prompts promise#But I do think I have a grasp on Kanna's personality now and her relation to Shin#Not to height though ignore the fact that I made her like 12 years old I don't know why I did that#I really really REALLY like Shin's outfit for this but something about him looks off to me and I can't figure out what...#oh but drawing YOU was fun!!!!!! Super cool Knight Emmy who only has eyes for her Prince <3 soooo cool#Anyway lemme know if you have any thoughts#Would looove to hear them <3
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Hey guys, remember that Venom!Hobie fic I'm working on?
Well, Chapter 6 is finally up!!!
Summary:
“HOLY SH-” Miles and Gwen simultaneously turned to cover Pav’s mouth so as to not alert the creature in the middle of the carnage below them. The creature either didn’t hear him or it was too preoccupied with whatever it was doing. To his regret Miles soon realized what that was, as another wet snapping noise broke the silence once more. The creature was crouched down on all fours over what Miles assumed was the body of an officer, though it was so mutilated that it was hard to tell for sure. Its head was buried into the chest of the body beneath it, another wet snapping noise emerging as it pulled out a couple of ribs between its bloodied jaws... Or The Spider-Gang goes looking for Hobie. They don’t like what they find.
#editing this chapter was hell#so I'm so happy to finally post it!!!#it's 4am here I should really go to bed#why does this always happen lol#anyways#please lemme know what you guys think- I could really use some feedback cause I wanna improve my writing#this is my first fic and english isn't my first language so I still have a lot to learn lol#but you only get better through practise so here I am <3#hobie brown#spider punk#Venom!Hobie#venom hobie#miles morales#spider man#pavitr prabhakar#spider man india#gwen stacy#spider gwen#spiderverse#across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#atsv#the spider gang#my fic#my post#alright I'm off to bed now - cya guys! <3#and thanks for reading!
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sometimes i think about offering up oc ideas based in dorverold for people to snatch up if they so choose but i feel like that'd actually be asking a lot bc there's a lot to read about and the lore is expanding and there's still stuff i haven't talked about bc i need to get it on paper and organize it properly :' )
#i used to think those memes about hoarding lore weren't about me but lately they are asdfgh#alternatively though if you ever wanna make a verse i'm gonna kiss your face <3#there's stuff about the deities i need to talk about in particular and i need to do a proper post on delwyn#i need to talk about gnorman whose real name escapes me rn bc rin has always called him that asdfgh#i need to expand on eva as well bc her relationship with rin is important but i've had trouble imagining her character lately#so i gotta fix that#and i need to develop edmund... trying to decide what kinda villain i want him to be exactly#like i want all of us to collectively hate him but i want him to have dimension too you know#bc it's too easy to make a flat villain#anyway asdfg lemme stop rambling and distracting myself from writing :' ))#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Logan, sorry I know you hate me and all (from what I'm told) but your arts really good and I was wondering if I could commission you to redraw My current vampire taco into your art style of a vampire taco for my vtuber model. I don't wanna get scammed. Scary.
I don't hate you! I just don't have the energy to socialise much these days. I'd be happy to do a commission for you, yeah!
#if you're who i think you are??#nah i dont hate you I'm just a hardcore hermit#anyway ye i could do some art for you just lemme know what kinda art you'd like :3
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gorgeous girl ln4
lando norris x fem!reader ( fc: sabrina carpenter )
in which y/n y/l/n breaks up with her cheating boyfriend and fans are rooting for her and lando norris to get together.
warning: swearing, fluff, the timelines of song releases and races are not in order, cheating with multiple people, breakups, relationships, some spelling errors or grammatical errors. lemme know if there’s anything I missed xx
an: I’ve never done a face claim but I wanted to try and see how it works out. I might not do one again but I am not sure yet. ALSO I am very unsure about the name of this cause I feel like it sounds cringe, so I might end up changing it.
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yourusername
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yourusername over it 🎀 album coming soon loves <3
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user gorgg
user ALBUM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
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landonorris beautiful as always
⤷ yourusername 🤍 thank you loveee
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⤷ yourusername only friends xx
user please date lando
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music.f1gossip
liked by y/nbiggestfan, espressolover and 55,622 others
music.f1gossip are lando norris and y/n y/l/n dating?
it’s known that y/l/n’s recent breakup was one that didn’t end happily because of her ex boyfriend’s infidelity. y/l/n made a story a few weeks after the breakup stating “he had three different side pieces during the whole relationship” which left fans absolutely shocked.
her ex has been getting a lot of hate from y/l/n’s fanbase to a point where he blocked his comments. he has been flaunting around his new girlfriend since the breakup all while texting y/l/n to take him back which we saw because y/l/n posted their messages on her story as seen above.
however, her next story was one with lando norris which was captioned “my saviour fr” which many speculated it was a mention to norris supporting y/l/n during the breakup and defending her from hate comments that she received. she then made a story showing she was at the miami grand prix.
norris and y/l/n have been best friends for quite a while now and many always thought that they’d end up together, however, neither of them have announced anything about their relationship.
in recent times, norris has been so called ‘flirting’ with y/l/n in her instagram comments which has left both their fans going crazy.
now, do you guys think y/l/n and norris are dating? or they just good friends?
let me know in the comments xx
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user that change up is scary
user damn
user lando’s better anyway
user 💀 I love you right after he called her a bitch is crazyyy
⤷ user frrr like what is this guy on?
user THATS ONLY FOR LANDO
⤷ user HE CALLS HER GORGEOUS GIRL
⤷ user they’re so datinggg
user I love themmm
⤷ user SAMEEE
user SAVIOUR!!! it’s actually so cute how he defends her all then time and even promotes her music
⤷ user THEY’RE cuteeee
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yourusername P1 BABY!!! I am so proud of you lan more then you will ever know. congratulations love, you truly deserve this 🤍
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landonorris thank you gorgeous, couldn’t have done it without your support ❤️
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carlossainz55 you never did this when I had my first win 😔
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⤷ landonorris yeah but you’re in front of me
⤷ user OMD
user the way he’s shamelessly flirting now, he ain’t even try and hide it.
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“LAN! YOU CAN’T BE SAYING THAT!” she tells him sternly, looking up at him.
he had a boyish grin on his face as he looked at her, “what? can’t tell people that my girl- oh sorry best friend looks good right now?”
“you just exposed our relationship. we agreed to wait three months before saying something.” she spoke softly, standing up as she placed her phone down on the coach.
“I can’t wait that long. I want everyone to know that after eight years you are finally my girlfriend.” he says with a smile as he shrugs his shoulders.
“you’re an idiot.” she replied as she tried to hold a serious face which soon fell into a blushing smile the more she looked at him.
“yeah but i’m your idiot.” he says smugly as he pulls her onto his lap to straddle him.
she places her arms around his neck and rests her forehead against his as she strokes the back of his head whilst he keeps his hands on her hips, using his thumb to lightly stroke her hip.
they stay in silence for a few more moments, letting themselves enjoy a rare peaceful moment before she breaks the silence, “I am really proud of you lan, you really deserved that win today.” she says softly, looking into his eyes.
“thank you baby.” he smiles.
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landonorris
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landonorris P1!! got a win and a girl (ive been her’s for two months now. be jealous)
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#ָ࣪ ۰ ⸂ ࣪ darlingletters blog *⋆。˚ 🤍 ˎˊ˗#⊹ ࣪˖ᝰ ࣪ darlingletters driverslist 🛒 ៹ ࣪˖ ◞ ⋆#formula 1#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#lando norris#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x reader#ln4#ln4 x y/n#ln4 x reader#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln4 one shot#ln4 x you#ln4 fluff
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How i mastered the art of persisting & how yall can too
hello my luvs, lemme tell u, its been a rlly eventful last 2 weeks in terms of me undergo a drastic shift in my mindset and WHEWWWWW, i thought it was time to share with yall
storytime
this past year i told myself i would adopt a strict mental diet where i wouldn't let doubts stop me or anything and lemme tell you, it was such a rocky road. There would be periods of me affirming that i was a master shifter, seek validation from the 3D and then start dwelling in my old state again. This cycle of giving up continued until i came across these posts. I then deeped how i've been overcomplicating manifesting & shifting to the point where i would give up so easily on my new states because "persisting was too hard” when it rlly wasn't. Anyways, lemme share my favourite tips & advice i learnt.
THE ADVICE & TIPS
stop associating emotions w/ states
Once i stopped associating me doubting, being frustrated, etc with my state, i found stuff x10000 EASIER!! I be affirming when i'm sad/frustrated because my emotions do NAWT define me. If something happens in my life, i allow myself to acknowledge it then i affirm on loop that "everything gets better" and the very fact i am a master manifestor.
manifesting will exist whether u like it or not
whenever i feel like "giving up", i remember that no matter if i "give up" on my desires or not, the law of assumption will still operate in the same principle of dominant thoughts materialising ur reality. So that really made me think, why would i not take advantage of knowing about the loa and manifesting everything i want? Like once you find out about the law of assumption, there is no turning back so u might aswell utilise it.
you can never lose your "manifestation powers"
Sometimes i be having thoughts "what if i lose my manifestation powers" and its like?? i will always be able to manifest easily & so will you. You can never "lose" the ability to manifest. Its a LAW. Meaning you will always be able to do it
pick a staple affirmation & loop it no matter what
After utilising robotic affirming, i've felt so much more FULFILLED then i ever did. Trust me when i say, pick one affirmation (e.g. "i am a master shifter") and keep affirming through your doubts, random thoughts, etc. Litreally when you deep it, affirming is basically thinking and thinking is super duper easy. So picking one affirmation and continuously repeating it is so easy even when you feel like your having sm doubts (trust me, once u get in the habit of js affirming, things feel sm easier).
you don't need to believe to manifest
Before some of yall come at me, lemme tell yall something. When i got more serious about the loa this year, i overconsumed a sh!t ton of loa content stating in order to manifest your desires and it made me feel so frustrated whenever i felt doubts/overwhelmed when affirming for my desire. The belief bit will follow natrually while persisting, dont focus on beliving in ur manifestation, keep repeating you have it & your belief of it will feel more natrual as you keep repeating it (if that makes sense)
the 3D isn't the end, keep persisting
I made a post about this but to keep it short & simple, your 3D circumstances aren't permanent. Just because you may be experiencing the opposite of what you want in the 3D, doesn't mean it will stay like that forever and your manifestation "won't work". Keep affirming bb <3
okie that's it for the post <3 i'll probs make a pt2 if i got anymore advice?? but hope yall liked it ;3
#loassblog#loassumption#shifting blog#shifting community#desired reality#reality shifting#shifters#shifting antis dni#law of assumption#dolliecoded
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“You’ll like it,trust me”
word count:3,301
summary:Your boyfriend, Hyunjin, knows how reactive you are to touches, especially on your clit. As he is drawing a certain frame of your pussy from a homemade sex tape you both made, he can’t help but admire the still image, but a thought crosses his mind. He can’t help but realise his fingers are a tiny bit clumsy sometimes on your clit, never touching just your clit, & this is when he gets his bright idea to use something… more precise to see if it will make a difference.
18+, MDNI! Smut below the cut.
©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post.
main masterlist here
->SMUT WARNINGS: Soft dom Hyunjin, overstimulation, squirting, multiple orgasms, use of a paintbrush, fingering, spit, cum tasting, oral but its brief, praise, Hyune is just a cutie, mention of safe word but not used, begging, dacryphilia, PIV, creampie, aftercare is extremely brief but more happens off screen, this is literally 99% smut:3
Hyunjin is currently sitting in the living room, sitting in front of his canvas, using his favourite water colour paints that he is holding in his left hand as he dips his paint brush in the small glass of water, the colour a dark, musky bluey, grey colour.
He has his inspiration photo on his phone screen, balanced up on the small ledge of the wooden frame the thing he is painting on, the photo being a photo of your pussy.
In his eyes, it's not even a sexual thing, he just thinks it's so beautiful & he can't help but admire it, so why wouldn't he want to paint it for the millionth time?
He lightly swatches a violet colour & starts to paint your hood & clitoris with a careful hand, not even focusing to look at the photo anymore since he has it memorised better than how to spell his own name.
His white bristled paintbrush coated in the very faint colour glides over the canvas, he pauses for a second as he gets an idea that he thinks is worth a million dollars.
He looks down at the photo on his phone, your vagina still plastered on the screen & he uses the kitchen paper to dry the brush, the remnants of the paint leaving the brush & he doesn't pack anything away, leaving the living room with his mini station in a mess as he giddily walks to your shared bedroom.
He sees you just sitting on the bed with your back against the pillows & headboard as you're just reading a magazine you bought that day & Hyunjin plops himself on top of you, forcing you to put your magazine to the side of you & Hyunjin settles between your legs, your chests connecting over all of your clothes & he starts pecking your lips & cheeks.
"What's made you so clingy all of a sudden?" you ask, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach as his lips coated with a layer of lip balm sticking to each area he kisses & he pauses to look at you, pouting.
"I'm always clingy! You can't blame me, wanna be stuck to you" he replies, his voice soft as he now switches to shuffling down just enough so he can shove his face in your tits, covered by your shirt & just lays there as he reaches down to caress your thigh.
"I thought of something I wanna try, I think it will be good, can you lemme try?" he asks, his voice still soft as he buries his chin in your chest, looking up at you at a slightly uncomfortable angle.
"Who am I to stop you, you can try anything you wanna do, what is it you're wanting to try anyways?" you respond, stroking his long fluffy hair & twirling your index finger through his soft locks & Hyunjin can't help but chuckle as he stands up again.
"I'll be right back, its a surprise but I need you to want it too since I'll be doing it to you, take your.. my sweatpants off & wait here" he cheers as he runs back to his DIY art station & grabbing a long, thin & soft bristled paint brush that he actually hasn't had the chance to use yet, before returning to you & to his happiness, you've done what he said & you're now just left on the bed wearing your plain cotton panties & your shirt.
"Hyune, why are you getting me half naked with one random paint brush in your hand & no paint?" you joke as you sit up & cross your legs & he giggles at you as he sits down on the bed as he doesn't really respond right away & instead lies you down.
"I was painting you earlier & I was painting your pretty clit & I came up with the idea to try.. paint yourself with your juices? that sounds cringe but trust me! You're so sensitive it will feel soooo good, it might even be better than my fingers since I can be more direct." he whines, a tinge of embarrassment in his voice from actually saying this all out loud & when you look at his face & realise he's being serious, you can't help but start laughing.
"The look on your face when you're nervous is adorable, Sure, we can try, how do we do it?" you ask & he gives you his cheeky, cunning smirk. "Just take your underwear off & I'ma play with your little clit n try make you cum & then I can put it on my painting later, makes it even more personal, the idea just turns me on." he responds, his cheeks blushing as he helps you pull your underwear off anyway.
You nod your head & reach behind you & reposition the pillow & you sit it comfortably beneath your head & you're quick to open your legs for him, completely bare now except for the shirt you've kept on.
Hyunjin lays on his stomach between your legs, his legs swinging ack & forth as he litters a few kisses on each thigh, warming you up before he moves his hand that is holding the paint brush & he puts it in his mouth, transferring his spit onto the small hairs to make it feel that tiny bit softer for you before he brings it to your folds, before painfully slowly parting them.
You twitch beneath the brush, the sensation being so so different to anything you've ever felt, but different is good in your eyes & this proved your quote as true.
He drags the brush up & down your folds, gathering your juices & painting them across your entire pussy, the full area sticky with arousal. "How does it feel baby?" he questions, his eyes looking up at you as he doesn't stop his action, wanting to see your face on how you're reacting.
"Feels weird, but I really like it, don't stop" you murmur, basking in the feeling, relaxing as you melt into the bed. "Wasn't planning on it, gonna put it on your clit now, mkay? tell me how you feel" he purrs as the brush drags from your hole all the way up to your clit before he slowly starts swirling the thin, soft & now wet brush around your clit in small circles & you buck your hips & at the same time your breath gets caught in your throat.
"Shit, feels so- dunno, good" you rasp, your fingers gripping onto the pillow that tiny bit extra as you get used to the sensation & Hyunjin chuckles from where he is.
He twists the brush in his fingers & the bristles fully engulf your clit & your legs threaten to close around him, but he is quick to shut that down by stopping his hand to speak. "Don't shut your legs, just wanna be good to you so let me" he softly murmurs before resuming his motion, pulling back your pussy so now your clit is completely exposed & he can visibly see it pulsating.
He switches from twisting the brush in his fingertips to then circling your clit with the brush before dragging it down your folds for a few seconds just to not let you think he's forgetting about that area entirely before repeating the process & the noises from your throat are getting a lot more frequent & getting louder every second.
Little 'fuck's', 'shit's' & repeating his name over & over is all you're really saying, the sensation being mind numbing & you mentally slap yourself for never thinking of this idea on your own.
Hyunjin can see your cunt pulsating & clenching around nothing & Hyunjin bites his lip in anticipation. "You gonna cum, hmm? Can see you gushing n clenching" he teases, before continuing "Just let go, wanna hear n see you enjoy yourself, so pretty f'me."
"Yea, g'na cum, don't stop, please Jinnie" you whimper, back arching off the bed as you force your legs to stay open upon Hyunjins earlier request, your eyes scrunched closed & he just smiles at your words & starts kissing your inner thighs, not changing or disrupting his rhythm at all & your orgasm shoots up your spine as your legs shake around him & your toes curl.
"Good girl, look so pretty when you cum" he murmurs, his tone soft as he moves his face to now kiss over your raw clit, moving the brush back down to your folds & hole, the brush tracing your leaking hole which makes you try hump against it, not wanting to be teased even though you're only just coming down from your orgasm.
"W-was good" you whimper, your hand reaching down to cup his cheek as you rest your weight on the other am you're using to sit up with but your arm gives out & you flop back down when he spits down onto your pussy before sucking it back up, slurping your clit in his puffy lips as he looks up at you & you can feel him smirking against you.
He lets go of your clit with a small 'pop' noise & he groans. "Taste so good, you can handle one more, I'm having too much fun" He states, lust in his voice as he moves his frame so he's sitting at the side of you as he drags the brush back up to your clit & resumes his previous action but at a slower pace, not wanting to overstimulate you too much.. not at the moment anyways.
"S-sensitive Hyune, want a break" you whimper as he shuffles upwards so he is pretty much face level with you & you can smell the faint scent of his expensive cologne that you love so much & he just smiles at you.
"You can take it, you know the safe word if it's too much, remind me what it is please angel" he states, so confident in what he is saying he has a slightly sassy tone to it.
"F-fluff- Ahh, right there!" you whine & you buck your hips into the brush & Hyunjin leans down to kiss you, ignoring the uncomfortable angle of his hand but ignores it, instead, letting himself sink into the feeling & taste of your tongue, groaning into your lips.
He leans back just enough so your lips disconnect & he squishes your cheeks together to the point your lips part & he takes this chance to spit into your mouth, a small tinge of your own taste that he didn't already transfer into your mouth during the kiss being evident & you immediately swallow it & he blushes even more.
"So gorgeous, y'know that? So perfect for me, Love you so much" he conveys as he sits back on the back of his legs & pulls your leg over his lap, giving him better access & then reaches down to use his other hand to start teasing your dripping hole & you wince.
"Put em inside, want them Jinnie" you squeak & he wants to try tease you, but he has pretty much no self control left & he listens to your request instantly, as if he is being controlled by his very own siren.
He slips not just one but two fingers into you & his long, slender fingers find your aroused G-spot the second they slip inside, his knuckles being the only part that is visible as he starts scissoring them in & out of you at a semi quick pace, slowly picking up the speed as he also picks up the pace with the paint brush & your legs can't help but spasm.
"Hyunjin, w-wanna cum, lemme cum" you whine, your hips jerking almost as quick as his fingers are moving, dying for absolutely everything he can give you. "Cum then y/n, I wouldn't ever stop you, gimme it" he replies, his voice smug.
You can feel it bubbling up in your tummy, but you know it's not like the orgasm you had just a couple of minutes prior. "G- gonna squirt Jin, d-don't" you whimper, not wanting to squirt because your brain is already mush & it's always a hundred times stronger but that doesn't deter him at all, if anything, it pushes him to keep doing it a million times more.
"I know it's stronger, want you to be spent, it's so hot gimme it, please please, cmon angel please" he pleads with you & the second you hear how desperate he is for it, you can't not give him what he wants especially when he's being so good for you.
Your orgasm squirts out of you as you squeal, spraying onto the bed, Hyunjins knuckles & the entire paint brush, he is forced to pull his fingers out of you with how much you're constricting around him & he takes the time to suckle on his fingers, groaning at your taste as his eyes roll at the second it hits his taste buds.
"That's it, that's a big one isn't it" he smirks, his voice teasing as he encourages you, in awe at the sight of you as he slowly changes the angle of his body so he's back to sitting beside you again, watching you come down from your even more intense orgasm.
You are left on the bed panting, your eyes watering & a tear or two stained into your cheeks, the overstimulation burning so good & Hyunjin throws the paint brush to the side & leans down to kiss you, his hand softly playing with your tit over your shirt & your body can't decide if it wants more of his touches or if it wants to lean away from it.
"Do you think you can handle my cock jagi? Don't stress if not" he says softly, wiping the tears from your face.
"Wanna make you c-cum, can handle it" you respond & you feel as if your skin is on fire with his touch on your face, it's so simple but you can feel the love radiating from it.
"Just say your safe word if it's too much, don't want you completely worn out, I know I've taken a lot from you, love you endlessly" he murmurs & you want to cry even more tears but not from overstimulation but from how cared for you feel.
Hyunjin helps shuffle you from the now wet spot on the bed on the bed so you're now laying on your stomach on the other half of the bed & you take it upon yourself to raise your ass for him but he pushes on your lower back until you fall & you're laying flat on the bed & you can hear him stripping his own clothes from his body & he straddles the top of your thighs & you can hear the 'shlick' noises coming from him giving himself a few jerks & you can swear you feel beads of precum drip onto your ass before he aligns himself up with your hole, before pressing the tip into your hole, begging for attention.
Hyunjin fucks his tip in & out of you for a few moments, his eyes unable to get enough with the way your seeping opening is hugging his cock so tightly before he decides he can't wait any longer & fully pushes in & you both let out a groan at the same time.
"So tight all the time, definitely not gonna last long but I'll try hold out" he pants, forcing himself to try stay still so he doesn't fuck into you too fast, but you on the other hand, have grown far too impatient to wait to adjust, your wetness is far more than enough in your humble opinion & you start trying to fuck yourself on him, but you don't get very far & you grow frustrated.
"Hyune, please!" you whimper but he can't even bring himself to laugh at your attempt, far too horny to hold himself back & he starts fucking into you & you pretty much instantly start clenching around him as you let out loud squeaks & raspy moans, Hyunjin mirroring your sounds as you both feel his cock pushing against your cervix, the painful pleasure making you drool into the duvet you're laying on.
"So-so good Hyune, to-so deep" you squeal as he rolls his hips in a slightly but extremely evident angle, making you see stars & you can't help but start wriggling beneath him, feeling another orgasm already brewing inside you.
"S-stop clenching around me so much, g-gonna cum" he whimpers, his voice shaky as his eyes are glued to the way your cunt is stretching open for him & he lets a glob of spit land on your tightest hole just to watch you squirm, trying to take his mind off how close he is to cumming.
"Gunna pull out n cum on your p-pussy n will paint it over y-your folds, so fucking tight" he continues on as he leans forward so his back is connecting with your chest, but his pace doesn't falter.
He pushes the side of your head so you're no longer pressed face down & now facing him & you both meet half way & you both share a messy kiss, your tongues mostly around each others mouths & not in each others mouths, almost tasting each others sounds as those along with the squelching noises fill the entire room & no doubt the rest of the house.
"G-y/nn I'm gonna cum, can't stop" he almost fully squeals as he pulls out & turns you over with one arm, the other arm jerking himself off & the second you're lying on your back, he shoots multiple ropes of warm cum on your lower tummy, not in the right mind to be even slightly apologetic at the fact that your shirt is now gonna be stained with cum.
You can't help but whimper & moan along with Hyunjin as he orgasms, his gorgeous face is just too much for you to handle & too gorgeous to be mad at, even if he is currently messing on your clothes.
Hyunjin is left panting above you & you both try catch your breath. Hyunjin grabs the glass of water you have on your bedside unit & helps feed you it & you finish the remainder of the water before he puts the cup away.
You use the rest of your strength to try sit up to take you both to the shower but he decides against it & stops you & puts you back in the position you were just in as he reaches to grab the still wet paint brush.
"I didn't make you cum again & I said I'd.. what was it? I'd 'paint you with cum' & I don't lie, just one more." he purrs, his voice still shaky from lack of breath as he daps some of the cum off your shirt with the brush before dragging it across your clit, making you cry out, you have only just clocked onto how long of a night this is going to be.
->Anon list & taglist are open!
@jisungml
#skz smut#stray kids#skz x reader#skz#hyunjin#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin stray kids#hyunjin fluff#hyunjin smut#hyunjin skz#straykids#stray kids imagine#stray kids hyunjin#kpop smut#kpop imagines#kpop
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𝐖𝐎𝐍’𝐓 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐄 | J.JK
— part 1
— pairing | fem!oc x dealer!jjk
— summary | after a petty argument jungkook spots you showing out at a party with the hosts arm around your waist
— warning | bad writing (i’m doing my best)
unprotected sex, toxic fwb, lots cursing, jealousy, angst, ratchet behavior, dirty talk, angry sex, belittling, drinking, smoking🍃, womanizer behavior, breeding kink, both 🚩🚩 , daddy kink, degrading, slapping (face), false accusations, double standards
— word count | 6.2k words
— song suggestion | love you like me — william singe
He was blocked once again.
He didn’t even know for what this time.
Well, he had a good idea.
Running his mouth again. They always argued and he was always blocked and unblocked.
This time he think he actually irritated you.
“Goddamnit Y/n.” He cursed. He pissed you off once again but now his number and his Instagram was both blocked by you.
For some reason this time irked him more than the others.
“You’re still stressing over that girl?” Jimin plopped on the couch next to him.
“I can’t believe you still fuckin on her.” Taehyung walked in, taking a seat on the couch too.
“That’s my girl ya’ll know that.” Jungkook bit his lip, staring at his blank phone screen.
“You need to get like how you used to. 3 or more at a time. Always.” Jimin spoke, “You used to be like that. You used to make fun of guys like you. Now you’re giving out free shit to some girl.”
“I mean he does get pussy from it but like, only her bro?” Taehyung looked at Jungkook. “You used to have all these girls on you. Stephanie, Nari, Seunghee, Belle, Maya… What happened to you man?”
Jungkook thought about what they said. “Shits just different now.”
“Oh my gosh she’s ruined you.” Jimin groaned. “Nah man. We’re going to a Jackson party.”
“He’s having a party?” Jungkook looked up from his phone. “Why haven’t I heard anything about it?”
“Because you’re too busy stressin’ about some bitch.” Jimin shook his head.
Before Jungkook could correct him, Jimin corrected himself. “Some girl. Before you start.”
“Anyway, it’s tonight.” Taehyung spoke.
“So bring whatever cash you got and we’re definitely gonna send you home with a girl or two.” Jimin swung his arm around his shoulder.
“Oh shit I think she’s posting about you Jeon!” Taehyung was on her phone, immediately making Jungkook’s head snap over.
“Really?!”
“No man.” He laughed. “We really gotta get you more girls. You need more pussy than just her.”
“Yeah, no more Y/n.” Jimin shook his head.
“Whatever.”
༊—
“I’m so jealous.” Seungyeon swooned over the text messages on your phone.
“I don’t see why. This looks annoying as hell.” Elkie rolled her eyes.
Jungkook🍃
Wyd
Lemme come over
I got shit for you and your friends
Omg fucking answer
You’re mad annoying
I ain’t even mean what I said fr just reply 😭
“I think it’s cute. And hilarious.” Seungyeon chuckled. “What made you block him this time?”
“He was bragging about how many girls he sells to. How they’re all pretty and thick as hell. So I just said ‘cool’ and blocked him.” You shrugged.
You and your friends had been getting ready for hours for a Jackson Wang party they had personally been invited to.
“You better not hope he doesn’t pull up tonight.” Elkie spoke.
“Yeah Y/n. Taehyung’s going and I’m sure they’ll try to convince him.” Seungyeon told her.
“He’s probably too busy getting high in his room.” Elkie replied. “Or selling in the east side.”
“Wouldn’t doubt it.” You shook your head. “I kinda do wish he would be there though.”
“Is his dick really that good?” Elkie asked you as she was baking her makeup.
“Unfortunately it is. Like, real good.” You started to get flashbacks.
“Here she goes.” Seungyeon rolled her eyes.
“He fucks me sooo good yall don’t get it.” You began. “Even though he’s annoying and shit I’ve never had dick like his. Once we started recording our shit I can’t stop rewatching.”
“You aren’t worried he’ll show people?” Elkie asked.
“They’re all on my phone. He only has a few. Even if he does show his homeboys it’s whatever. He’s damn near louder than me anyway.” You told her.
Your phone went off, making you look over at it to see the notification.
kplug🍃 has added you on Snapchat
“Oh my gosh.” You said out loud, immediately making the girls look over.
“He fucking added you on Snapchat!” Elkie laughed out loud, “He’s crazy”
“And on his plug account?” Seungyeon’s eyes widened. “He’s obsessed.•
“What can I say? This pussy makes him insane.” You jokingly boasted.
“Did you add him back?” Seungyeon asked.
“Nah not yet. I’ll wait until I’m almost done getting ready.” You tossed your phone on your bed.
“Yeah that’ll be better.” Elkie nodded.
“Ugh I need to hurry anyway. I’m tryna look good tonight.” You groaned, looking at your barely half done makeup.
No matter what it was, you loved to look good. You were a confident woman who took pride in her appearance.
Tonight mattered. You hadn’t took good pictures in quite some time and Jackson’s party was the best place to take them at.
You had just changed up your hair last night. You had a brown base with blonde highlights. And for tonight you decided to add gold and bronze tinsel to elevate your look.
Your friends always had the same energy, wanting to look as good as they could even if it was a simple occasion.
Seungyeon and Elkie definitely showed out with you tonight.
You all had skimpier outfits on tonight. You were a low cut brown latex top with a matching black mini skirt.
Your heels were black and the strings wrapped up around your mid calf. You sprayed your expensive perfume all over, making sure you smelt as good as you looked.
Your makeup was finally done for the night and it couldn’t have looked better. You looked incredible.
The girls had taken some pre party pics in your room, posting on all social media.
“Oh Y/n! Add him back.” Seungyeon told you.
You nodded, adding Jungkook back on Snapchat.
“He’s gonna see all our videos at the party. He’s gonna regret saying all that shit to you.” Elkie laughed. “Gonna see so many dudes all up on you and start punching walls and shit.”
“He probably already is and we haven’t even left the house yet.” Seungyeon laughed with her. “The pictures we posted right now are enough to make him tear his hair out.”
“Damn right.” You giggled. “Yall got everything? I’m about to order the Uber.”
Both girls nodded, making sure they had everything they needed.
kplug🍃 just sent you a snap
You looked at the notification, “Hm.” You hummed to yourself, not opening his snap quite yet.
Once the uber pulled up all of the girls climbed in, taking more pictures in the backseat on the drive there.
You lived in a nice area, but nothing compared to Jackson’s place.
The location was one of his many homes,
“Jackson lives so far from us.” Elkie looked at the map on her phone.
“Yeah but his area is so nice. It’s worth it.” Seungyeon added. “I wonder how many people are gonna be there.”
“Girl you know it’s gonna be so packed we gonna have to get dropped off damn near a mile away.” You laughed.
“You better hope Jungkook doesn’t show up.” Elkie looked over at you, who was just opening his snap.
The snap was him a car, sitting in a car full of tackily dressed women right corner of him. One of the girls was taking the picture for him.
“I should’ve just shut up.” Elkie covered her mouth. “They’re definitely going.”
“He’s petty as hell!” Seungyeon looked over at your screen. “What does he expect you to say to that?”
“Probably nothing.” Y/n turned off the phone. “He wants to be like that he can go right ahead.”
“You’re so cool about it.” Seungyeon looked at her in amazement. “I would’ve went batshit crazy.”
“I’m not trippin because I’m not holding back at this party.” She laughed.
༊—
“Why would you guys do me like this?”
“You’re so dramatic.” Jimin rolled his eyes. “We found you a car full of girls to take to the party and you’re complaining.”
“Didn’t ask for it. Y’all make me look like a charity case. I could’ve gotten plenty at Jackson’s.”
“Whatever.” Taehyung rolled his eyes. “You know how much play she’s gonna get there? And you’re gonna have to watch it alllll.”
“Yeah man. You’re gonna have to watch all sorts of dudes kissing up on her and shit. You’re gonna look like a bitch.” Jimin added.
“Exactly. So let us help you bro.” Taehyung smiled. “Come on it’ll be worth it. Plus, you look great man. She’ll be unblocking you in no time.”
Jungkook and the boys got in the car full of women, instantly leeching onto them.
“Hello ladies” Jimin greeted, buckling up.
“Hiii Jiminnn” They replied in union, almost fighting to talk to him.
One of them turned to Jungkook, immediately biting her lip. “Hey Kookie.”
“Hey Oliver.” He exhaled.
“It’s Olivia” She laughed. “You’re like— so funny!” Her annoying voice rang in his ears.
“Oh— my bad.”
The girls had tried talking Jungkook the entire ride there, trying to get him to open up and talk to them.
“Ouuu look at his phone.” One of the girls motioned.
“Omg look!” One was quick to snatch his phone, “He added Y/n on Snapchat, let’s send her something!”
“You guys should!” Taehyung added.
“No one needs to do that!” Jungkook tried to take it back but they already snapped pictures and sent them to Y/n on his phone.
Olivia passed the phone to Taehyung who kept repeating ‘give it to me’
“Taehyung what the hell!”
“It’s for your own good!” Taehyung held onto his phone for the rest of the ride there.
༊—
“Yep. I’m definitely gonna get sloppy drunk.” Seungyeon announced as they walked inside Jackson’s party.
“There’s no way you won’t. This shits fucking cool.” Elkie looked around the home.
People everywhere and the music was booming in all corners. Girls dancing damn near naked on tables and guys dancing around with empty shot glasses.
“Oh my gosh they’re here!” One of the guys accidentally said a bit too loud, making some heads turn towards the girls.
“Seungyeon come dance with us!”
“Y/n come on we already have shots for you!”
“Elkie come get on the table with us!”
Multiple people were trying to holler at them in attempt to get their attention.
“Yeah it’ll be hard to stay sober tonight.” Elkie laughed.
“Uh huh. And when Taehyung gets here I’m dipping.” Seungyeon giggled.
“You’re still fucking with him?!” Both girls snapped their heads.
“Y’all don’t get it! He is soooo fine whenever he talks to me I just wanna do whatever the hell he wants.” Seungyeon swooned.
“She can’t be serious.” Elkie looked at you. “So let me get this straight. You’re fucking on Taehyung and you’re fucking on Jungkook. Should I just dance with Jimin tonight? Since we’re the three musketeers all of a sudden.”
“Okay Jungkook was an accident!” You defended. “You wanted weed didn’t you!”
“Cut the crap! It was one time” Elkie shook her head. “I can’t believe you two.”
“Whatever.” Seungyeon rolled her eyes. “You should go with me when I go talk to Taehyung. Omg! We can all hang out tonight!”
“Uh, did you forget we’re not on the best terms?” You interrupted her fantasy.
“You never are. Get over it.” Seungyeon rolled her eyes. “Elkie pleaseeee.”
“I can’t believe you.” Elkie kept shaking her head. “You guys are sick.”
“Who’s sick?” A voice interrupted them. “I don’t need any illness spreading around at my party.”
“Omg Jackson!” Seungyeon gasped.
“Hey ladies. Hey Y/n.” He gave you a side hug. “I knew you guys would come showing out.”
“Always. You know us.” Elkie giggled.
Jackson knew the girls very well. They’ve been around since his early party days, helping him promote and build up his status for the parties.
You always went above and beyond for him, offering to even financially support the parties during the time.
Now Jackson was so rich his party budget skyrocketed. All because of those girls he was able to be where he was now. He was more than grateful.
“I know. I shouldn’t have expected any less.” He chuckled, “I’ll tell the security upstairs about yall so don’t sweat anything okay?”
“You got new security?” You questioned him.
“Fuck yeah I did. Last party the security was too drunk to even do their fucking job. I was pissed.” Jackson shook his head.
“Everything’s all good now though,” He continued. “Gotta nice new set up and it’ll do y’all real good. I promise you won’t be disappointed. You ladies have fun, okay?”
“Thank you Jackson.” The three girls bid their goodbyes. They didn’t expect to speak to him for long, especially since he was running a huge party.
“Let’s hang out down here for a bit and then make our way up yeah?” You suggested, earning a nod from the girls.
“Unless it’s too hard for Seungyeon to keep herself away from Taehyungie” Elkie teased her.
“Oh my gosh I hate you.” Seungyeon groaned.
“Speaking of Taehyungie,” You eyes behind her. “Here comes the man of the hour now.”
“With a shit ton of girls at that.”
Seungyeon snapped her head his way. “Oh my gosh.”
“Don’t look!” Elkie turned her attention. “Act unbothered. You can’t let him know you care. Like Y/n when Jungkook calls!”
“Yeah— Okay whatever.” You rolled your eyes. “But she’s right. He’s with hella girls. He’s not thinking about you right now. You can’t act like you’re waiting for him.”
“Look at you miss love expert.” Elkie teased you. “Let’s get you drinking Seungyeon.”
“Yes! Let’s drink! Finally.” You clapped your hands.
The girls walked off to the bar, plenty of people wanting to take shots with them.
The girls played a few drinking games and partied on tables just like the girls before you.
It would be a lie to say Jungkook’s eyes weren’t locked on you.
It was just him, Taehyung, and Jungkook in their own little section, a few guys coming up to talk to them here and there.
“Oh my gosh I hate you guys.” Jimin groaned. “Taehyung you can’t do this to me too.”
“She’s so bad Jimin. I’m almost as bad as Jeon.” Taehyung stared down Seungyeon.
“I thought you wanted to drown yourself in pussy! You were hyping me and Jungkook up earlier!”
“I’m a big fat liar okay!” Taehyung folded.
Seungyeon and you were both dancing on tables, lost in your own little world with drinks in your hands.
Jungkook hadn’t said anything in a minute. Simply staring.
Damn did you show out.
He watched as many guys threw themselves at you, begging you to come down so they could have a piece.
What could he expect? You were a beautiful woman blessed with a body others would pay millions for. You could actually dance and you had looks that could kill.
You were a heavily desirable woman. Especially at a party like this where everyone knew of you.
He knew you weren’t gonna go home with any of these guys. None of them stood a chance.
He didn’t understand how he had one if he was honest.
The way you two started— having intercourse was wild and random. Just a random string of flirty led to you giving it up for him.
Goddamnit he missed you. It was a petty argument like usual. Him getting blocked just to get unblocked in the morning.
This time bothered him more than the others. Especially seeing you like this.
“Shoutout to these lovely ladies right here!” Jackson suddenly announced, all three girls surrounding him.
“My day ones right here” He said proudly.
Jackson wrapped his arm around your waist, pecking your cheek.
Interesting.
Jungkook hadn’t realized you two had become so close.
Was he the reason Jungkook wasn’t unblocked yet?
“Especially Ms. Y/n here. Shit would not be possible without her.” He spoke, making everyone cheer. “Everyone treat them well tonight alright?”
Elkie and Seungyeon cheered before Jackson walked off, finishing his announcement.
Why would it not be possible without you?
None of it made sense to Jungkook.
He downed a shot, hissing at the aftermath. It made Jimin look over.
“Someone’s mad.”
“Shut up.” Jungkook huffed. “I have no reason to be.”
The girls were laughing together and drinking a bit more.
Seungyeon kept stealing glances at Taehyung.
“Oh my gosh. She’s going insane.” Elkie pointed out Seungyeon’s constant tabs on Taehyung.
“Alright we’re going upstairs.” You motioned both girls to follow you to the next story.
“Jimin we have to follow them.” Taehyung watched as they left to go upstairs.
The man rolled his eyes.
Jungkook looked over, seeing Jackson look over that way too.
“Yeah.” Jungkook opened up his mouth. “Let’s go.”
The boys shortly followed them, heading upstairs.
This level was just as intense as the first floor. The only difference was that these people smoked a bit more than they drank.
“So many bad bitches in here.” Jimin looked around. “Nice move Tae.”
“Man who cares? Where the hell is she?” Taehyung looked over.
“Goddamnit.” Jimin cursed, forced to walk over to your friend group with Taehyung.
Jungkook wasn’t too thrilled either. Especially because he didn’t know how you were going to be like.
“Hey Seungyeon.” Taehyung approached her, making her instantly turn her head.
Poor girl had been waiting for that man to talk to her all night.
“Oh. Hey.” She kept it short, just like you and Elkie told her to.
“Let me get you and your girl friends some more drinks yeah?” He offered, making it harder to fight and say no.
“Please.” She caved in, making everyone follow them to the bar.
“Fucking great.” Jimin mumbled.
It was awkward as hell. Two odd couples and two random friends all forced to hang out together.
All because of Seungyeon and Taehyung.
Taehyung got all of them drinks like he said, everyone drinking together to ease up a bit.
Taehyung and Seungyeon were lost in their own conversation.
They were so corny it was making everyone extremely nauseous.
“Are you proud of her?” Jimin shook his head, speaking to Elkie. “Your friend single-handedly ruined my friend group.”
“My friend? Your boy here started it all.” She argued.
“Like hell he did. She took advantage of him.” He told her.
She laughed. “Who’s the one who’s supposed to just drop the shit off and go?”
“You can’t blame a man for just tryna get some.” Jimin shrugged. “Not his fault.”
“You’re delusional.” Elkie rolled her eyes.
“I like how you speak to me. You wanna go make out?”
“Sure.” Elkie shrugged, walking off with Jimin.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
You were alone with Jungkook.
“So,” You began to speak. “Which girl in the car was your favorite?”
“Is that seriously how you’re gonna start this?” Jungkook stared you down.
“Hell yeah.” You chuckled. “You’re a fucking prick. You’re childish and you’re just down right stupid. Sending me some photo of some bitches. Made you feel so good being with other girls huh?”
Started off strong already.
“You know what, it did. They didn’t have a fucking loud mouth like you do. Didn’t have to hear a bunch of bullshit every two seconds.”
“See this is exactly why you’re blocked.” You scoffed. “You’re a dick.”
“You block me all the time mama.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Doesn’t mean shit.”
“Probably doesn’t mean anything because you’re too busy with all those other bitches.”
“Me? I’m not the one fucking the party host.” He argued back.
Your eyes widened at the accusation. “Oh wow.”
You weren’t going to deny it.
It wasn’t true. You never slept with Jackson.
But Jungkook thinking that you did was enough to satisfy you.
“We’ll come back to that.” Jungkook poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue.
He was obviously very irritated.
“You’re always so angry.” You groaned.
“Because you just manage to strike that one nerve.” He shook his head.
“You’re so aggressive all the time baby.” You eased him. “Let’s drink some more. Please?”
He shook his head. “Trying to sober up. Someone needs to take you home.”
“I can Uber back.”
“By yourself?” He scoffed. “Fuck no. Your friends are long gone and most likely gonna end up going home with Jimin and Tae. Who can’t drive.”
He wasn’t wrong.
Elkie and Seungyeon were going to town on them. The couples were drunken messes.
You agreed, continuing to drink. You two talked for a bit, somewhat civilly.
The both of you couldn’t help but check each other out.
For you, that alcohol came in through your mouth and went straight to your pussy.
Jungkook’s going straight to his dick. Probably why you two always had sex whenever you hung out.
“Let’s go to Jimin’s car.” Jungkook mumbled lowly to you, making you nod.
Jungkook lets out a low whistle as you walk next to him. He couldn't help but stare at your body.
You were so fucking beautiful, he thought to himself.
The car was a bit far from the entrance. The lot was big so the parking was a bit inconvenient.
However, it was hidden well enough.
He opened the backseat car door for you, waiting for you to get in.
You could sense he was still irritated with you. It was written all over his face and you could sense it in his body language.
His anger and irritation had the opposite effect on you, making your pussy wetter than it already was.
Jungkook started the car, letting out a heavy sigh as he pulled out of the parking lot.
He glanced over at you, his eyes scanning over your body. "You know, you make me so fucking angry sometimes..." He growled, his hand reaching over to grab your thigh.
“It’s not my fault. You started it this time.” You shook your head.
"I didn't start shit," Jungkook retorted, his eyes narrowing at you. "You did. You always fucking do."
He couldn't help but get more and more irritated with you.
The idea of you and Jackson weighed heavy on him.
You were fucking Jungkook for weed. Were you fucking Jackson for drinks and party invites?
“You did last night. That’s exactly why I blocked your ass. Always running your mouth.”
Jungkook's fingers tightened around the steering wheel. He couldn't believe you just said that. "You didn't have to block me. You’re so fucking dramatic."
He snapped at you, his anger getting the best of him. "I fucking hate you sometimes."
“Fine. Just drop me off right here then.” You replied, just as irritated with him now. “I’ll fucking walk home.”
“You're not fucking walking anywhere. I'll take you home." He gritted his teeth.
“Whatever. Just drive me home and you can just get rid of me after. Since that’s what you want so bad.” You folded your arms.
He couldn't believe how much of a stubborn girl you were, but he still couldn't help feeling attracted to you. Even when you were like this. "Why are you so fucking difficult?"
He glared at you for a moment before turning his attention back to the road.
“I’m not even doing anything.” You grabbed your purse once he pulled up to your place.
It was natural for Jungkook to let himself in. He did so again, despite their arguing.
“I thought you would approach me at the party to apologize. But no, you’re just arguing with me because you’re jealous of some guy!” You huffed.
Jungkook scoffed at your words. "Jealous? Fuck no. I just don't like seeing you with other guys, that's it."
“Yeah whatever.” You rolled your eyes, “You’re annoying. Your stupid pride won’t let you just admit it.”
You lifted up the couch cushion, a small bag of pre rolls packed away.
“You know what? Fine. I was jealous when I saw you with Jackson. Are you happy now? I fucking admitted it.
“Gonna fucking smoke with me or what?” She looked at him, ignoring him. “Got your two favorite things right here. Weed and arguing.”
He ignored her, grabbing his own preroll and lighting it up with her lighter.
“That’s all you’re gonna say?” He scoffed.
“Do you want a fucking cookie? Congrats, you actually told me the truth for once.” She took a few hits. “So you were jealous”
“Yeah, I fucking was. I don't like seeing you with other guys Y/n. It makes me want to rip their fucking heads off." He chuckled and shook his head. "Especially him.”
“Isn’t Jackson your homeboy?”
“Exactly. Why the fuck would I want to be fucking on the same girl as my bro? That makes me look like a fucking loser.” He glared at you.
“We were just catching up. We’ve known each other for mad long.” You defended.
Jungkook couldn't help but stare at you as you took a hit from the roll. He felt a surge of jealousy, but he tried to push it down.
"Just fucking catchin' up huh? With his bitch ass?" He chuckled and shook his head. "I know what kinda guy he is.”
“I know you’re not talking. Tell me, Jungkook. How many girls do you sell to that don’t pay cash? Too busy selling with their bodies.” She looked at him.
“Yeah? You’re gonna fucking start this shit again?” He chuckled, anger written all over his face. “I’ve told you the same shit over and over Y/n. I’m not fucking anyone else but you.”
“Car full of sleezy bitches all climbing on you? Yeah okay. Find that fucking hard to believe.
Jungkook understands your skepticism. Especially with the type of guys he hung around.
“Tell me this Jungkook.” You began, “How come it’s an issue when I’m with Jackson but when you’re with all these other girls I’m just supposed to believe you.”
Jungkook leaned in, his expression more serious now. He muttered. “I don’t want to do you like that.”
"I just get fucking pissed when I see other guys trying to fuck what's mine." He cocked his eyebrow.
“You’re annoying.”
Jungkook's gaze never left yours face as you rolled your eyes. He could tell you were irritated with him, but he didn't back down.
"I'm annoying cause I don't like seeing other guys around my girl?" He raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t like all these fucking guys tryna hop on you.” His eyes darkened as he stared down at you.
“I get it.” She sighed.
“Mm I don’t think you do.” He shook his head.
Jungkook turned you around, pushing you against the couch. "Fuck you piss me off. You’re just so fucking sexy" He growled, pinning your hands above your head.
"You're gonna let me fuck you like this?” He looked at you. “Because I’m fucking angry. And I’m not sure I’ll be able to give you that slow and lovey shit right now.”
You simply nodded. You swallowed hard, knowing exactly what was going to happen.
Weed made you horny.
Alcohol made you horny.
And you were definitely cross faded.
“Fucking open your mouth.” He moved his hand, now slapping you across your cheek.
It wasn’t enough to really hurt, but enough to leave a sting.
He seen your facial expression change. “No way. You actually like that shit?”
You two always had rough and angry sex. With the amount of times you two pissed each other off, it was like second nature.
This time was different. Jungkook was livid.
“I do.” You swallowed. “N-No condom tonight please.”
This was the first time ever. You never thought those words would ever leave your lips.
You needed it bad tonight. Real bad.
“Oh wow.” He laughed sarcastically. “You’re that sick? You get onto me every fucking day for asking to hit it raw. Now you want to?”
He almost couldn’t believe it. “Letting me toss you around like a fucking ragdoll. He fucking teach you about that shit?”
“N-No Jungkook.”
He slapped you once again. “Don’t fucking lie to me.”
“I promise. He didn’t.” You pleaded.
Jungkook let out a deep breath, knowing you submitted to him.
He moved his hand to your neck, squeezing enough for you to feel.
“Fucking embarrassing me.” He slid his pants down. “Got all my fucking friends talking about you. That what you wanted?”
“N-No.” You swallowed.
He slipped your skirt up, sliding your panties to the side.
He forcefully pushed himself inside, giving you not a single warning. “You let him fuck you raw did you?”
Staying still for a moment, knowing he would soon start fucking you with all the frustration he had in him.
“N-No I didn’t Jungkook.” You honestly replied.
“Not my fucking name.” He warned.
“You clearly wanted his attention Y/n. You think I ain’t notice that shit today?” His grip on your neck got slightly tighter.
“Changed your hair. Spending money to look good for him. Didn’t look in my fucking direction once. Get some new dick and you forget what you already have? Forgot about daddy’s dick?” He scoffed.
Jungkook's thrusts became more powerful, as he let out all the anger and jealousy he felt towards Jackson.
“T-That’s not what I—“
Jungkook's grip tightened on your hips, as he started thrusting. "Shut the fuck up Y/n." He grumbled, as he started pounding harder.
He smacked your ass, leaving a red mark. "Didn’t think you’d be this fuckin’ tight. Figured he stretched this pussy out.”
“H-He didn’t”
“You really have the fucking guys to speak to me right now?” He slapped her.
“Mmph— sorry daddy”
Jungkook grinned, hearing the slight tremble in your voice.
You couldn’t help but be turned on by how angry he was. How degrading he spoke to you.
Him expressing how jealous he was of Jackson definitely did a number on you.
"This.. is all yours, Y/n. It always has been." He slapped your face. "Don't.. you dare fuckin' look at him again. Don’t you fuckin’
dare question if I’m with other bitches or not.”
“Won’t— promise Daddy” She apologized.
Jungkook's expression changed to an angered confusion, as you apologized. "Sorry? You think.. You fuckin' deserve my mercy?"
He hissed as he stopped thrusting, grabbed you and forced you on all four. "I'll show you fuckin' sorry."
“You're mine to fuck. Mine to spoil. Mine to hug. Mine to love.” He grabbed your hair and pulled it back, as he started thrusting hard again. "And you just fucking gave that away?”
“No I— Daddy no I didn’t.” You whimpered.
Jungkook's thrusts became more violent as his anger continued to fuckin boil. "You.. You fuckin' slut," He growled and smacked your ass hard once again.
“D-Didn’t fuck him.” You confessed, swallowing. “N-Never fucked him.”
Jungkook stopped thrusting, his expression was furious, he looked at you with pure shock.
"You didn't fuck him?" He repeated between gritted teeth, not entirely sure if he should believe you or not. “Are you serious?”
“N-Never fucked him.” She hit her lip.
“So you lied?” His voice was low.
“I just never denied anything you said.” She confessed, a bit ashamed now that she was confessing out loud.
"Wow Y/n." He murmured lowly, making a pause in his thrusts, as he looked at you with confusion and shock. "And you made me do all this.”
“I-“ She felt her stomach drop.
Jungkook scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. He was still holding you by the throat, a little tighter now as his cock started to thrust intensely again. "Yeah, you did.”
Jungkook grunted, his thrusts became louder and more intense, holding you tighter. "You're a fucking slut.."
He whispered in a low voice, his hand starting to squeeze around your throat. He pulled himself out a bit to slap your face.
“Pulled all that just for some dick? Seriously Y/n?” He grunted into your ear.
“So sorry Daddy” She apologized softly, the sensual nickname slipping from her lips.
Upon hearing you call him "Daddy" his thrusts became more intense. Hearing it made him weak everytime.
A low growl sounded out from his throat again as your body was pushed back onto the bed with each thrust deeper into you.
He snickered, his hand reaching down to slap your ass cheek, hard. "You're a fucking whore.." He moans, his thrusts are so hard that he's smacking against your body. He leaned in to bite your neck.
“Finally got the dick you wanted? I can’t fucking believe you pulled that shit.” He grunted, utterly shocked. “Can’t fucking believe you did that.”
His thrusts became even more forceful, each hard smack against your ass echoing around you.
He moans as he bites into your shoulder, teeth grinding into your skin angrily. "Why'd you fucking lie to me?" He growls into your ear.
“Wanted you— Wanted your attention.” She whimpered. “Wanted to see how you felt.”
“Yeah? That’s how you fuckin’ wanted me to confess?” He roars out angrily, his grip tightening almost painfully.
“I-It worked…” She boldly whispered.
His glare is fire as he grabs your throat, pulling you back to look into your eyes.
"You like it when I get tell you how I feel? You fuckin’ like it?” He growls out, squeezing your throat tighter for a moment before letting go.
“I liked it Daddy” She bit her lip.
His jaw almost cracks from the intensity of his teeth grinding as he hears your response.
He begins to fuck you harder, losing his anger and going into a frenzy. "You’re so fucking lucky I love to abuse this pussy.”
“Shit feels so fuckin’ good Daddy— Fuck” She cursed repeatedly.
A low groan rips from his throat, feeling your walls squeezing around him at your curse. He liked when you talked dirty. “So fucking pretty like this.”
“Lying about other dudes is different for you baby..” He huffed. “You love this dick huh baby? Tell me.”
“Yes Daddy— I fuckin’ do.” You nodded quickly.
He leans back down, biting at your bottom lip and nodding.
"That's right, you love this dick, mama. Fucking take it then." He spoke lowly, encouraging you to get more vocal and naughty while he pounds into you.
“Feels so much fucking better raw.” She rolled her eyes back. “Should’ve fucking let you months ago.”
He lets out a growl, feeling how tight your walls are on him with no condom. He nods, agreeing and liking the feeling of you raw.
"That's right mama. You ain’t believe me when I said you were the only one. Should’ve been let me hit it raw.” He chuckled. “Gonna fuck you so good now though."
He's on the brink of losing it, he knows he's about to cum soon.
He looks down at you who’s absolutely fucked dumb on his cock.
He curses, slowing down just a tad. "You fucking loving that we're doing it raw now?”
“Feels so much fucking better now. W-Want you to cum inside too.” You begged, making his eyes widened.
“Are you serious?”
“W-Want it so bad I— Please.”
He groans, loving the idea at your request. “Pretty girl gonna let me cum inside, I couldn’t ask for more.”
He speeds up a little bit, slamming into you roughly and grunting. "That's right, fucking want my cum? Wanna turn mama into more than just a nickname huh?”
He dirty talked her so good.
“Mm yes Daddy yes.” She swallowed.
His eyes grow wide at the idea but he smirks while he continues to thrust into you hard, making a dirty scene in his head.
"That's right, I wanna fill your womb up with my kids, make them from your tight fucking pussy, don't fight it mama. So close” He mumbled in her ear.
“Shit I’m close too.”
He knows he's close too, groaning almost in pain from not cumming yet. He continues to fuck you relentlessly as you near the edge.
"Shit! Cum on my cock mama, you need to cum, you want to cum so bad don't you?"
“Cumming fuck” She immediately let go of the feeling building up in her stomach.
He's right on the edge with you, his cock swells up before he pulls out and shoots his hot load to the side of your stomach, he's not ready for kids, at least not yet.
He slumps backwards and curses. "Fucking shit.”
The two were panting on the couch, struggling to catch their breaths.
She panted. “I’m sorry for lying Jungkook. It was wrong of me to lie to you.”
He smirks and shakes his head but still looks at you with an amused expression.
"No need to apologize momma, we're fucking both dirty. Besides we both liked it didn't we?" He winks and wraps an arm around you.
“You’re really not mad?”
“I mean it irritated me a lot when I thought you fucked him.” He sighed. “I’m just relieved now.”
“When I told you I haven’t been with anyone else I meant it.” You told him. “That’s not
something I would lie about. Especially after I pressed you for so long.”
“I know. When I seen him touch you like that I just— I thought I lost you.” He looked at you. “I just kinda thought you were using me.”
“It’s not about weed for me anymore Jungkook.” You swallowed. “It hasn’t been for a while.”
“It was never about the weed for me.” He confessed. “I just wanted to see you since the beginning.”
“You thought that was a secret?” You couldn’t help but snort.
“Okay I’m never being vulnerable with you again.” He shook his head.
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