#anything barely anything is fun or cool or interesting outside of a single 2 minute spark im just doing the motions im a ghost im dead

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[boldlyvoid]

Amethyst you so much

Summary: Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

Warnings: pure fluff, weed mention, hurt/comfort, grief and mourning

Word Count: 6.4K

Read on Ao3

Late nights at the office had become his thing since Gideon left.

He couldn’t bring himself to go home some nights without a game of chess, a cup of coffee, and the ambiance of the post case staff working. He would’ve had no idea about what goes on after they close a case if he didn’t stay behind most nights.

The phone rings almost every 10 minutes, and it’s always answered by the sweetest voice. The fax machine never turns off, and the most beautiful girl in the world is always running around placing papers in different places.

He’s been smitten with her since she started here, 2 years ago. Never seeing much of her since she was switched to the night shift, always wanting to just watch her from afar, never speaking to her unless he needed to.

“Yes, again we are so sorry for the door,” he can hear her voice from the back corner of the room. “Agent Morgan will be paying for that out of his paycheck, don’t worry, Mr. Kennings. We’ll be sure to remember your hotel when we’re in the area again. The FBI has a very generous budget for overnight cases. Of course, you have a good night too.”

She hung the phone up harshly and let out a deep sigh. He turned around to see her face in her arms, resting against the desk. She looked done, completely fed up. He would be too.

She looked up then, noticing that he was making eye contact with her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at him, “sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Spencer replied. “We asked for the key, I should have stopped him from kicking it in.”

She laughed then, walking over to his desk so she didn’t have to yell across the room. She sat on the corner of his desk lightly, “why do you stay every night?”

“Oh, um,” he wasn’t prepared for this. She had never talked to him before. She was barely able to even look at him when she used to place papers on his desk 2 years ago, now she was on his desk.

“I don’t like to bring the work home with me, it’s better to destress here before I go to my apartment,” he answered, half honestly.

She nodded slightly, “I get it. Luckily I go home in the mornings so the sun helps me feel better.”

“Going home in the dark isn’t fun,” she lightly smiled up at her.

“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She asked softly, “seeing as I am still your assistant as long as you’re here?”

He laughed lightly, “I would, but I’d like to join you in the staff room for it?”

“Okay,” she stood, straightening out her shirt as he stood as well.

He held the doors open for her, letting her walk out first, still smiling as she waited in the hall for him. Never being anything less than 1 foot from him for some reason, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Do you like your job?” He asked lightly.

“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s like customer service on crack. Have you ever had to explain to someone why you can’t pay for the cracked foundation after Agent Morgan’s ransacked a place?”

“I honestly never thought of who has to deal with the aftermath,” he awkwardly admitted to her. “I’m so sorry.”

She couldn’t stop laughing as they entered the kitchen, “it’s fine. I never have to apologize on your behalf, it’s everyone else who seems to be reckless. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I came along to babysit.”

“That would be helpful,” he smiled softly as she entered the staff room.

He watched as she took a new coffee filter out of the cupboard. Emptying the coffee pot with ease, rinsing everything before adding the water and scooping in the grounds. He was mesmerized by how fast she was able to do it, then again it was sort of her job.

“What mug would you like?” She turned to him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

“Um, the purple one, if it’s there?”

“You really like purple, huh?” She teased him, standing on her tippy-toes to reach the mug for him.

She placed it on the counter before grabbing a white mug, it had a bumblebee on it, “bee happy” written along the top. It was perfect for her.

“Purple is a stress-reducing colour,” she explained. “When I was a kid my parents painted my room purple so that I’d sleep better.”

“I’ve always been drawn to it.”

She leaned against the counter while the coffee pot started to percolate, “Probably because of your anxiety, coffee doesn’t help that.”

“It’s in my DNA to be like this,” he tried to joke, knowing he succeeded when her smile crept back onto her face.

He was on a mission to keep seeing it.

“For someone who spends a lot of time with dead bodies, creepy places and bad people, you sure are a mousy little thing aren’t you?” She teased him.

“I also love Halloween, go figure.” He’s not sure where the confidence came from, being able to make light-hearted jokes like this was only easy with the team.

Which she technically was a part of. He’s seen her almost every single day for 3 years, slowly being able to get comfortable enough for this very moment.

“What else are you into, outside of here?” She asked honestly, making his heart swell as no one else had ever asked him before.

“Lots of things,” he sighed. “I love to read, I’ll read anything. But mostly I enjoy far-off worlds. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Sherlock mostly.”

“No supernatural?” She gasped. “Sacrilege, honestly. What kind of nerd are you if you don't support supperwholock?”

“That's the show with the monster hunting brothers right?” He tried to recall it to his mind.

She nodded with a pressed-lipped smile, “it’s bad but in a way where I can’t stop watching every Thursday, they just introduced an angel who is pretty gay. Star Trek is cool too, I guess, I was raised by Trekkies.”

“My mom was into Doctor Who.”

“Mamma’s boy,” she teased him slightly, returning her focus to the coffee as she poured the now finished brew into their mugs. “She was nice when she came in that one time, I made her a very sweet coffee just like yours.”

He reached for the sugar then, poring a generous amount into his mug with a grin, “how much do you like?”

“the same amount,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate the taste of coffee, but it keeps me awake.”

He poured the sugar into her mug as she places a spoon in each. Allowing him to stir his own before picking it up finally. Holding the warm ceramic in his hands, it was almost as warm as the feeling in his chest when he looked at her.

He’s felt it for a long time. He’s been caught staring at her by Derek, JJ even tried to get him to give her his number. Which she already had for when she calls him into work in the middle of the night. They knew he had a crush, he did too. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Come to my desk, I want to show you something?” She asked softly, avoiding eye contact as she walked towards the door.

He followed, like a lost puppy, all the way back to her desk. It was always neat, he always looked at it when he made his way up the stairs to the briefing room. He could even see it from where he sat at the table sometimes. Always wanting to see her leave in the mornings.

She had a collection of rocks that always changed, he loved the blue one the most but it wasn’t there currently. She had all new ones since the last time he looked.

“Here,” she hands him one. It’s brown and gold, the colours moving and shifting as he turns it with his fingers. The gold running through it like a beautiful wave.

“what’s this for?”

“It’s a Tiger’s eye, for good luck and happiness,” she smiled. “Keep it at your desk and maybe it’ll be easier for you to relax when you come back?”

The butterflies in his chest were swirling then as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting him to take it, wanting him to feel better. Caring for him.

“Thank you,” he barely whispers, clearing his throat softly. “It’s very nice of you.”

“You’re always nice to me, so,” she shrugged.

They sat down then, he dragged his chair from his desk over to hers. Sitting in close as she explained all the meanings to her rocks. He listened carefully, getting to examine each one as she spoke.

“This one is Jade, it’s for balancing emotions and allowing compassion so I don’t scream at everyone on the phone,” she laughed as she placed one in his hands. Her fingers brushing his palm softly.

It was a beautiful green stone with a thin white line running through it, separating into 3 directions as he flipped it over, “it’s beautiful.”

“I know some people don’t believe in this stuff,” she started to get embarrassed as she placed them all back on the shelf. “But I’ve always thought; if the moon, which is just a rock, can control the water, and humans are 70% water, then who’s to tell me the moon cycles don’t control my emotions and these smaller rocks can’t help problem areas?”

“You’re not wrong,” he shook his head softly as he thought her words over. “People depended on the stars and planets for guidance originally, as well as rocks and herbs for healing, just because it’s outdated doesn’t mean it doesn’t work?”

“Thank you,” she smiled. “No one has ever agreed with me that easily.”

“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll just be over there,” he pointed at his desk. “And I’m a phone call away?” He swallowed sharply at his boldness, trying to stay calm as he awaited her answer.

“I do have your number,” she smiled, reaching out to place her hand on his. “But you should go home, I’m sure you’re chilled out now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, staring at her hand as they touched. He lightly wrapped his hand around hers, holding it slightly, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“And every day after,” she whispered, tilting her head as she smiled at him.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Penelope was always dragging him out. She would take him shopping, to dinner, to the movies. She was like his big sister, dedicated to making sure he wasn’t always cooped up or trying to retreat into a fantasy life.

She kept him busy.

She had 4 bags in her hands as they walked down the street, peering into the store windows to see what else she could possibly be interested in taking home for someone. That’s when they passed the natural health store.

He stopped in his tracks, seeing all the different rocks on the wall accompanies by little cards that described how they could help. He opened the door and rushed inside before Penelope even noticed he stopped following her.

“Good afternoon!” The shop owner called out to him. “How can I assist you today?”

“Um, the girl I like has a rock collection,” he says softly, knowing Penelope is behind him listening. “Crystals more specifically, I’d like to get her some?”

“Well, you came to the right place,” the man beams, escorting him to the wall of rocks. “What is she like?”

“Wonderful,” the words are carried out of his mouth on a sigh as he thinks about her. “She’s confident and nice, and caring. She’s always positive and just so lovely.”

“I’ve got you,” the man starts picking rocks off the wall and placing them in his hands.

Spencer follows him to the desk where he lays down a handful of rocks, Penelope is shockingly quiet as she stands beside him, staring at the collection. She’ll be full of questions later, all of which he is terrified of.

“This is a rose quartz, pretty basic love, beauty, anti-depression stone,” he pushes the pink and a green rock towards him. “Serpentine is for new adventures, observation and insight. I have a feeling you’re up for an adventure with her?”

Spencer nodded enthusiastically, “I like that one. It would be better to get her some rare ones, some that have to do with friendship, new beginnings, or opportunities?” He tried to explain his feelings as best as he could. Not knowing if he sounded dumb for a change.

The man smiled wide, “here,” he dipped below the counter and dug out a box. “Chrysocolla is literally for new beginnings, love and opportunity.”

He hands Spencer a vitreous, raw blue stone with small green marks running all through it, it’s beautiful like her. “This is perfect.”

“I’ll throw in a Kiwi Jasper as well, it’s for being by someone's side, support and trust. As well as a Ruby in Zoisite it symbolizes finding the joy in life with someone,” he hands Spencer two equally beautiful stones, prepping a bag and wrappings for all of them.

Spencer lays out the 5 stones he picked out, watching him wrap them with care before placing them in a bag. He rings everything up, Spencer pays and before he’s even out the door Penelope is pouncing on him for answers.

“Who?!”

He can't help but blush and stutter, trying to brush past her and continue walking down the street. “You can’t hide forever Spencer, who is she?”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“You literally said so?” She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Come on? I won't tell anyone!”

“Y/N.”

The gears are turning in Penelope's head as she tries to place a face to the name, knowing she’s seen her somewhere, “From the office?”

He nods softly, “the one Derek bullies me for staring at?” He clues her in more as they walk.

“He also bullies her for staring at you,” she adds with a smile. “She’s going to love those, when are you going to give them to her?”

“I was thinking about just leaving one on her desk every day? Maybe with a note for why I picked it?” He really wants to woo her, she’s too special to just flirt with.

“She’s going to love that.”

—

Sure enough, he walked into work every day for the next week, placing a rock on a sticky note on her desk. He was never around when she was able to see it, only knowing she got it when he'd arrive at work the next morning with a note reading 'thank you ♥︎ ' on top of his files.

He thinks about her all weekend, planning how he'll give her the last rock as he takes the elevator up that morning. Only to see her sitting at her desk, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to talk someone out of suing the FBI, she looked absolutely miserable. Just a casual Monday morning for her, almost at the end of her shift.

He rushed over to his desk, putting all his stuff down to dig one of the rocks from his satchel. Picking the Kiwi Jasper for today, he grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote her a little note.

“Always here if you need to talk, -Spencer ♥︎”

He walked over to her desk, she was still talking so she didn’t notice him until he was right there, she looked up at him with a thankful smile.

“Yes sir,” she answered the person talking to her. “Can I call you back after I speak to the chief? thanks.” She hung up on him, turning all her attention to Spencer.

“I know you know it's been me leaving these, but I brought you in another one,” he says softly, placing the rock in her hand and sticking the note to the shelf where it would end up.

“oh my gosh, Spencer?” She placed her free hand on her heart as she looked at the rock.

“You looked upset?”

She stands and pulls him into a hug, he can feel all the eyes on him as he holds her back, letting his chin rest on her shoulder as she squeezes him.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back, awkwardly smiling at him as she also noticed everyone staring.

“Always,” he smiled back, hand still resting on her arm. “Um, I have a case I need to get to.”

“Of course, good luck,” she smiled.

He pulls the tiger's eye out of his shirt pocket, showing her that he still had it, “kinda hard not to have good luck with this.”

She bit back a smile, her eyes gleaming as she took a deep breath through her nose. Releasing the same feelings he was keeping inside, allowing both their butterflies to swarm out together.

—

He loved when they had cases in Virginia. Being able to stay in the bullpen and work was relaxing, it was easier to think where he felt safe.

He was working on the geo profile all alone, a huge map stretched across a clear case board as he laid a yardstick across it. Drawing a thick red line with marker over it, in his own little world as he worked away.

He doesn’t realize she’s standing there too until she’s lightly pressing her hand on his back.

“Hey,” she whispers softly. “It’s 10 pm, thought you’d like a coffee?” She places the purple mug on his desk with her purse, turning her attention back to what he’s doing.

“Thank you, I’m almost done here,” he says softly, finishing the red triangle he was making on the map.

“I’ve always found it fascinating how you do this,” she complimented him. “You’re so careful.”

“Like baking, it’s an exact science,” he smiled softly.

It made her giggle slightly, placing her hand back on his back as she moved in closer to look. He wanted her to stay there forever, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. He tried his best to steady his hand as he finished the line.

Putting the yardstick back down and turning to her, she doesn’t move her hand, instead, softly moving to rest on his arm as she stands close to him. “How are you?”

He feels nervous for some reason, it’s not like she hasn’t been this close to him before. It’s just that she’s close and she smells wonderful and he wonders if her lips would be a better wake-up call than the coffee she brought.

He realizes he’s staring at her lips when he licks his own, “I’m good,” he furrows his brow and clears his throat with a nod.

She smirks at him, “how come you’re the only one still here? Hotch said it could wait till tomorrow?”

“I was waiting for you,” he admits, “but I got carried away setting this up, I never heard you come in?”

“Cause I didn’t,” she scrunches her nose slightly as she straightens her stance. “I saw you working hard and went right to get you a coffee.”

“You’re wonderful,” he blushes as the words slip out, trying his best to keep eye contact when all he wants to do is kiss her.

She pats his arm slightly as she backs up a little, grabbing her bag from where she set it on his desk. “I’m going to set up for the night, come talk to me before you leave?”

“Of course,” he says as she walks away, letting out a small sigh as he realizes just how badly he wants her.

He never gets to talk to her before he leaves, she’s on the phone when hotch comes storming in. Saying something about another body and making Reid leave with him. He’s busy for 3 days straight, thinking about her with every free thought he’s able to squeeze in.

He carries the rock from her in his pocket everywhere he goes; in his pants beside his keys, in his bag with his books, in his breast pocket, over his heart, behind a bulletproof vest. Feeling it press against his chest, a part of her keeping him safe where ever he went.

They finish the case with minimal damage, Spencer specifically making sure that Derek leaves all the doors on the hinges for Y/N’s sake, cleaning up any messes they make so she won’t have to hear about it over the phone. They all notice that he’s doing it for her, quietly appreciating the fact that Spencer is happy for a change, that there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes again.

He arrives back at Quantico 30 minutes before her shift starts. Everyone else is packing up for the day while he sits at his desk, reading to occupy the time before she comes in.

Only she doesn’t.

30 minutes pass and she’s nowhere to be seen, it’s only 9:02 by the time he starts to panic. Wondering if she’s okay, hoping she’s just in the elevator or grabbing a coffee that’s actually good, somewhere outside of the office.

“Reid,” he hears Hotch calling him from his office door. “She just called in, her grandmother passed away last night so she won't be in.”

“Oh,” he furrows his brow, looking at him with confusion. “How did you know?”

“Penelope,” he smiles. “She’s still here too, and she knows where Y/N lives.”

“It wouldn’t be weird to go see if she’s okay?”

Hotch just smiles at him again, “go see her, Reid.”

Getting her address from Penelope felt a little weird, but she writes it on a sticky note for him and he’s out the door before she can even pry into what he’s going to say. Which is good, because he doesn’t know yet.

It’s late, but he stops by the little rock store on his way to her house. Seeing the lights still on and the same man from before behind the counter.

“Welcome back,” he’s overly cheerful for it being so late. “How did she like them?”

“She likes the ones I’ve given her so far,” he smiles, looking over the wall himself this time for the right one.

Scanning past every emotion and affirmation known to man as he looked around, picking out a beautiful pink Rhodonite for healing grief, supposedly acting as a hug from emotional troubles. And a Rainbow Moonstone for inner peace, harmony and strength.

“She’s lost someone recently?” He asks as Spencer places them on the counter.

“Her grandmother,” he says softly. “These are good, right?”

“They’ll be perfect, we also have amethyst bracelets, they’re good for healing and drawing in positive energy,” he points towards the small display of bracelets. Small purple stones separated with small gold beads.

He picks up 2 of them, placing them on the counter as well.

“Is she still just a crush?”

Spencer laughs lightly, “unfortunately.”

“She might be more after this,” he smirks, ringing him up. “I’ll give you a 2 for one deal on everything, I have a feeling you’ll be in a lot.”

Spencer thanks him as he pays, picking out a small purple bag for the rocks and bracelet. Placing one on his own wrist before leaving. Also picking up some cookie dough ice cream and a card at the corner store just beside her apartment. Remembering all the times Penelope, JJ or Emily has mentioned it being the best ice cream for crying.

He takes a very deep breath before knocking on her door, hoping to every god out there that she doesn’t find this incredibly inappropriate and weird.

“Spencer?” He hears her voice before she even opens the door, looking out the peephole at him.

She whips the door open, eyes puffy and swollen as she looks at him in shock. She’s in a big sweater and shorts, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shakes her head at him.

“I thought you could use some cheering up?” He awkwardly smiles, holding the ice cream up for her to see.

She wraps her arms around his middle, burying her face against his coat. Still crying as she holds him, he holds her with his free hand, shushing her as he presses his cheek to her head.

She pulls back with a sniffle, “come in,” she offers with an arm out, ushering him inside the small room as she closes the door.

He takes his shoes off, handing her the ice cream so he can take off his coat and satchel too. “This isn’t weird right?”

“Not at all,” she laughs slightly through the awkwardness. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care this much.”

“I brought something for you,” he says as he struggles to dig everything out of his pocket.

He hands her the card and the little purple bag, seeing the overwhelming glance grow on her face. Her eyes grew wide as he mouth opened, speechless.

She opened the card first, reading the passage about grief that was already provided. Dealing with grief was something Spencer knew too well, adding something a little special to the bottom of the card.

“To live in hearts we left behind is not to die,” -Thomas Campbell. As long as you remember her, with a smile on your face and love in your heart, she will always be with you ♥︎ Spencer

She wipes her tears with her forearm, placing the card on the counter beside the ice cream before she opens the bag. She pulls out the bracelet first, absolute shock on her face.

“Spencer?” Is all she can say, in a high squeak as she shakes her head at him.

“I didn’t want you to be sad,” he says softly, stepping into her space and placing a hand on her arm. “I love seeing you smile, and I thought this could help.

He takes the bracelet from her grasp and places it over her hand. Resting it on her wrist softly, straightening it out against her sweater as she notices the matching on over his shirt sleeve.

“Oh this is so cute,” she swoons. “thank you, really Spencer.”

“And there are some rocks for grief healing in there too, one is supposedly like an emotional hug which should heal the grief and sorrow, and the other is more for inner peace and harmony,” he rambles away, not wanting her to miss anything.

She pours the rocks from the bag, into her hand, looking them over silently with a smile, “they’ll look great on my desk.”

“The purple looks nice on you too,” he compliments her, watching her eyes drift up to him.

She places the rocks on the counter before wrapping her arms around him once more. This time he’s able to actually hold her back, tight as possible as he rubs his hand over her back.

She smells like home, clean laundry and happiness. She’s soft and warm, he holds her perfectly against his chest, like she was a missing puzzle piece that someone finally found under the table, she fits into his life like she was supposed to be there.

She kisses his cheek softly before she pulls back, causing him to pull her into a real kiss on impulse. Connecting their lips as she sighs into the contact, melting into his grasp as she kisses him back.

Her lips are soft, fitting between his own gently as she breathes him in. Her hands reach up to grip his cheeks, kissing him again and again, placing pecks to his lips and cheeks with her eyes closed as he giggles.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips, “for everything.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers back, kissing her one last time before she pulls away.

“I was actually about to smoke some weed on the fire escape and probably cry some more,” she laughs lightly. “would you like to join me?”

“I’ll stick with a bowl of ice cream,” he smiled awkwardly.

“Nice one,” she laughs as she opens the ice cream.

“What?”

“Oh, you didn’t even get the reference you made,” she laughs lightly, “to get high you smoke a bowl, so…”

It makes him smile, “I'm a comedian part-time.”

He makes her laugh again, loving the sound of her giggle replacing the tears. “Why aren’t you this funny at work?”

He thinks about it for a little, watching her scoop the ice cream into two bowls, “it’s a little hard to make jokes when people's lives are on the line, I know everyone else does but I get too focused.”

“They probably wouldn’t appreciate your jokes even if you did make them,” she says as she handed him a bowl with a spoon. “They’re kind of mean to you, in a family way but it still sucks sometimes to overhear.”

She walks into the living area then, grabbing a few blankets and opening the window to the fire escape. Crawling out to sit on the ledge, waiting for him.

“I don’t mind it,” he says as he finally sits down beside her.

She places the blanket over their laps, both of them sitting criss-cross applesauce as they ate.

“Do you like your job?” She asks him, just like he once asked her.

“Most of the time,” he nodded as he got brain freeze. The cold air, the cold ice cream, everything that was catching up to him as he scrunched his face up at the feeling.

She laughs at him only a bit before she’s also attacked by the brain freeze, holding the vein in her neck as she chokes out another laugh, trying to warm up the blood going to her head so the pain would stop.

They’re both just a mess of giggles together, unable to say any words as they let it all out. She leans her head on his shoulder lightly as they calm down to just soft chuckles. He presses his cheek against her head.

“Thank you, Spencer,” it sounds like she’s crying a bit. “My grandma was a lovely woman, she’d be glad I’m laughing right now.”

He reached out a hand for her to hold over the blanket. She interlocked their fingers softly, both cold from holding their ice cream bowls.

“If she was anything like you, I’m sure she was the most wonderful woman,” he says softly, not intending to make her cry but having a feeling he might.

“Would you be interested in holding me on the couch while I cry?” She asked softly, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

—

He’s late for work the next morning.

Waking up to the smell of coffee, opening his eyes to a strange view. He’s on a couch he doesn’t recognize in a room he doesn’t know too well.

Then he remembers, they ended up cuddled up on the couch. He wakes up to the memory of her on his chest, crying softly as they listened to some music, he ran his hand over her back while she went through it all, blessed to have his support.

He fell asleep under her at some point, waking up alone with a blanket laid over him. He sat up to see her in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug.

“Good, you’re awake,” she smiles at him. “Coffee is ready, I uh, I have this button-up shirt from a guy friend, if you wanted to wear that to work today? So they don’t think you stayed here?”

“That’s smart,” he replies as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

Getting up, he uses the bathroom, changes and takes that coffee from her. He’s not expecting her to kiss him on the lips at the door, but she sends him off to work like an old housewife.

He doesn’t want to pull away from her, keeping her pressed against him as he leans in for 4 more kisses before she finally pushes him out into the hallway with a laugh, “get to work!”

“Fine,” he sighs, “are you going to be in tonight?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, “funeral is in West Virginia next week, so I’ll be in until then.”

“I’ll see you later?”

She nods slightly with a soft smile, “you’ll be seeing a lot of me soon, Spencer.”

“Good,” he winks at her before heading down the hallway and towards the street entrance.

He sighs as he walks outside, resting his back against the apartment complex door, taking a moment to think about everything that just happened, the night of company and the wonderful send-off.

It was something he could get used to.

He rushes into the briefing room when he arrives at Quantico, sitting down with his coffee and pretending he wasn’t late. Listening carefully to JJ’s presentation of the case as he flips through everything he missed already.

“Wheels up in 30,” he heard Hotch say as he zoned back in. “Nice of you to join us, Reid.”

“I know that travel mug from somewhere,” Derek said as he stared at Spencer, who was taking a sip to avoid the awkwardness.

“Hmm?” He played dumb.

“That’s Y/N’s. She washes it every morning when she leaves to go home, I see her do it every morning,” his eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”

“Isn’t that the same tie and slacks from yesterday?” Emily teased him as well.

“Her grandma died, I brought her ice cream and slept on the couch okay?” He all but yelled, flailing his arms slightly so they’d all back off.

Derek reached his fist out for him to pound it, “good man.”

Then Penelope noticed the bracelet, “did she get you that?”

He sunk his hand into his pocket then, “no.”

“What?” Emily and JJ asked in unison, straining their necks to try and get a good look at what she was talking about.

He nervously held his arm out for them, showing them the purple bracelet resting over the sleeve of his shirt. “I got one for her too, it’s for healing and peace. It’s what she needs right now.”

“Oh, so you love her,” Derek smiles as he teases him. Making everyone else in the room swoon slightly.

“Okay and?”

“Oh my god!” Most of them shout at him, embarrassing him to no end. He was so glad she wasn’t at work this morning or else she would be able to hear this from her desk.

“Did you kiss her?” Rossi pries, asking what everyone else was thinking.

He scrunches his face, pushing his glasses up slightly as he clears his throat, “a few times.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” JJ kept the questions coming.

“Not yet,” he said softly. “Kinda weird to walk into her apartment while she cries to say ‘hey sorry about the death in your family, want to date me?’”

“Yeah,” Emily agrees, shrugging lightly. “At least she knows you like her now, it’s been what? 2 years?”

“2 years, 3 months, 17 days and 43 minutes,” he confirms with a small nod and pressed lips.

“Gross,” Derek teases him.

“The plane is leaving in 10 minutes,” Hotch cut into their fun.

Making them all gather their things and continue the interrogation in the elevator, and eventually on the plane, and in the police precinct. Even Penelope called him in the middle of everything to bug him about her.

The questions were never-ending, everyone wanted to know how they even started talking, who made the first move, how he plans to ask her out. They were relentless, he almost regretted admitting to anything.

They bug him all throughout the day, all the way until they’re arriving back at the BAU late that same night. He almost doesn’t want to go back to the bullpen and see her with all of them, knowing they were going to follow and say something.

She’s waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open, a pressed-lipped smile on her face, “bad news.”

“Another one?” Hotch sighs, “have Garcia send us the info. Be at the table in 10.” He pushes his way out of the elevator, passed them all as they stare at Y/N.

“Hi?” She awkwardly waves at them all, showing off the bracelet on her wrist.

“See ya, Spence,” JJ and Emily say as they matt his shoulder, dragging Derek and Rossi towards the bullpen doors.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for them softly, stepping into her space.

She wraps him up in a quick hug, keeping one arm around his waist as she guides him towards the bullpen, “it’s fine, they’re going to have to get used to us being together.”

“Together?” He repeats her words.

“I only cry on my boyfriend's shoulders, if you're up for the title?” She teases him softly, pinching his side as they walk towards the doors.

“Can I frame “Dr. Spencer Reid, Y/N’s boyfriend” beside my Ph.D.’s?” He keeps his hand on her shoulder, holding each other slightly as they walk towards her desk. He felt like one of those kids who wouldn’t let go of their girlfriend's hand in the school hallway, attached to her at the hip.

“I’ll make one for you while you’re gone,” she laughs lightly.

They stop at her desk where he sees all rocks he got her collecting on the shelf, as well as a cup of coffee and his favourite kind of donut.

“Thought you deserved something nice too,” she says as she nudges his side.

He kisses her on the cheek as a thank you, “you’re welcome,” she smiles to herself. A feeling of pride growing in both their chests.

“See you later?” He asks as he picks up the coffee and donut, walking away slowly as she smiles at him.

“Come home to me safely, Doctor Reid,” her voice is just loud enough for everyone in the briefing room, where everyone is waiting at the window, watching them, deciding to put on a show in return.

He stops on the steps to look at her softly, “I’d fight a thousand unsubs to come home to you.”

“I’ll leave the light on,” she blows a kiss at him, making him blush a deep red.

He waves, making his way up the steps and into the briefing room. A smile on his face, heart thumping in his chest, all the support in the world swarming around him as everyone patted him on the back.

That tiger’s eye really did bring him good luck and happiness, and her name was Y/N.

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Nev, Max, Help!-Nate Jacobs Oneshot

Requested: Yes

Warnings: aggressiveness and rudeness from Nate and a brief panic attack scene

A/N: The reader is gender neutral since the requester did not specify what they wanted and I did not want to disrespect the storyline from the show. Also, it’s a long one. 

  For once, Amy Winehouse’s low, melancholy voice did nothing to soothe my nerves as I typed what I was looking for in the designated box. “Love is a Losing Game” was definitely not the best song for the mood but I loved her voice so much; it was like a really messed up security blanket for me. My thumbs shook as I kept typing and quickly deleting my words. 

  Someone to have fun with.

  No, that’ll bring every single creep to my profile.

  Someone to watch Netflix with.

  Ew, no, they won’t want to go anywhere or do anything. 

  Someone to discuss Maya Angelou with...

  This could go one of two ways: attract a sensitive, nice person or the ultimate softboi who was really just an f-boy in a sensible cardigan.

    Okay, Y/N, just add to it.

   ...and have adventures, great conversations, and watch the best movies.

   That seemed broad enough and, potentially, weeded out all the weirdos. Patti Stanger would approve of this. I took such a deep breath that I could feel the oxygen in my feet as I pressed the green check mark. An adorable buffering sign appeared before being quickly replaced by a CONGRATULATIONS, Y/N/N, ON COMPLETING YOUR PROFILE. 

   The air came out of me slowly, like a balloon, and I tried to make myself relax as I swiped through different matches. One person was too short, the other too tall, another had way too many pictures with reptiles in his profile, and one’s bio simply read: DM and you’ll find out. 

  Serial killer much?

  “That’s part of your problem, Y/N,” Jules had chastised me a few day prior.

 “What do you mean by ‘part’?” I’d replied.

 “Well, for one, you barely leave the house anymore unless I drag you out,” Jules argued.

  “I’m busy,” I’d defended. 

  “Rewatching Breaking Bad for the eighth time does not count as being busy. Plus, you’re so picky.”

  “Am not!” 

  “You said you’d only do DiCaprio in his Great Gatsby days,” Rue had added.

  “Did you see him in that suit?” 

  Jules then shrugged. “All I’m saying is if you aren’t careful, you will end up all alone.”

  “That’s not true, Y/N might get cats.” 

  That conversation had haunted me since and had driven me to making a dating profile after the required Saturday night family dinner. While my parents and brother were downstairs watching a movie, I was holed up in my room, cringing and regretting accepting any chat requests. 

   Half an hour on the app caused the images of various male genitalia to be burned into my mind. I would need my brain soaked in holy water for it to be erased. I huffed and kept scrolling, vainly hoping and wishing for a decent guy to pop up on my radar.

  Maybe Jules and Rue were wrong. Maybe I had all the right in the world to be picky, I thought harshly to myself. 

  I dropped my phone on my nightstand and flopped against my pillows as Me and Mr. Jones began playing. I sighed and felt myself being lulled into the comforting abyss Amy created. 

   Ding!

   I jumped out and glared at the source of the noise. Another chat request, another picture to ruin my young brain? 

  “Be positive, Y/N, this might be good,” I stated as I grabbed the phone. 

  Tyler wants to chat!

   I frowned and opened up the app, only to be met with the most sculpted six-pack I had ever seen. My heart began banging against my chest and my thumbs fumbled for a moment to answer the chat request. 

  Whoosh. 

  My stomach dropped as I stared at my first chat to Tyler: Shg.ismtle

  I’m. Going. To. Die. Alone.

  I quickly typed: Please ignore that, I’m so sorry!

  Seconds later, my phone dinged.

  Tyler: Really? I thought you were trying to send me a secret code and I liked that we were that cool already.

  This was not real, this could not be happening. Tyler had to be a bot, that was why he didn’t show his face in his profile. Bots were supposed to have a hard time recognizing and creating faces, right? 

   But, on the off chance Tyler was real, it would have been rude to leave the conversation so abruptly? 

   Y/N: Who knows? Maybe it was a secret code and I’m just testing you.

   Tyler: Ok, let me guess what it means.

   Tyler: Hi? 

   Y/N: Haha, you really thought I’d use such a simple code as a first message?

   Tyler: It’s my bad for underestimating u. I should have known u were smarter since you read Maya Angelou.

  Y/N: U a fan? 

  Tyler: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” 

  He knows Angelou? He could have Googled a quote though. Still, it’s a good quote to use if he had Googled it.

   Y/N: Nice, but, doesn’t get u out of the guessing game.

   As Tyler helplessly guessed wrong for several minutes, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I used to think online dating was a last resort or a breeding ground for predators. But, maybe there were decent people looking for something (or someone) meaningful after all. 

  Tyler: I give up, you’re really good. 

  Y/N: Thx. But, I can tell you what I meant to say. 

  Tyler: The suspense is srsly kiilling me. 

  Y/N: I meant 2 say hey.

  Tyler: I guessed that!

   Y/N: No, u guessed ‘hi’, there’s a difference.

  Tyler: C’mon, barely.

   For the rest of the night, Tyler and I chatted. He told me that he plays baseball at a school across town and he doesn’t like anyone around there. He liked John Mulaney stand-up, lemon bars, going to the gym, hanging out with his friends, and reading good books. He was an only child and his parents tended to spoil him. I told him about my friends and how I liked being on the swim team at my school as well as the different YouTubers and books I enjoyed. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of talking to him. 

   On Monday, Jules and Rue were hanging out outside the school as other people either headed to class or relaxed on the lawn. I could not stop my feet from bouncing as I walked up to them.

   “...and that is why Sailor Mercury is the most underrated character of the whole show,” Jules affrimed. 

   Rue seemed halfway interested as her head nodded slowly underneath the hood of her burgundy hoodie. “Cool, all I asked was who’s your favorite but, cool.” 

   Jules rolled her eyes playfully and straightened up when she saw me. “Hey, Y/N, nice shirt.” 

  “Thanks.” I wore a sky blue tie dye shirt with ripped jeans and white Converse.

  Rue leaned forward and squinted at me. “You’re not wearing black, something’s wrong.” 

  “Nothing’s wrong, she’s obviously been influenced by me!” Jules teased as she wrapped a slim arm around my shoulders.

  “Yeah, you can only hang out with this literal rainbow human so long before she starts influencing your outfit choices.”

  We started heading inside, which was really just Jules and me dragging Rue into the building.

   “But I don’t wanna be here. It’s so stupid that I have to wait six more months before I can legally decide where I spend my time,” Rue muttered.

  “It’s fine, you have us!” Jules insisted.

   “Yup!” I agreed.

  “Hey, Y/N, Rue, Jules!” Cassie greeted as she sidled up next to me. 

  We all greeted her.

  “Have a good weekend?” Rue asked. 

  “Yeah, there was this great party that Nick Davis threw. I swear, everyone there was on acid.” Cassie stopped herself and bit her bottom lip. “Sorry---” 

   Rue shook her head. “It’s fine.”

  “How were yours?” Cassie asked as we continued to our lockers. 

  “Fine,” Jules said.

  Rue shrugged in response.

  I opened my mouth to reply when my phone beeped and I wrestled it out of my pocket. 

  Tyler: Is it 2 late 4 a good morning text? 

  I smiled. 

  “You’re so cheesy,” I muttered under my breath. 

  “Who’s that?” Cassie asked, peeking over my shoulder.

   I jumped and cradled my phone to my chest like it was my child. “No one.” 

   Jules pulled open her locker and cocked a bleached eyebrow. “‘No one’ does not cause huge smiles like that!” She jabbed a sparkly-manicured finger at me. 

  “Yeah, show us,” Rue said. “We are your friends.” 

  “It’s nothing,” I insisted as I weaved around them. 

  I pushed myself against my locker and managed to open it with my free hand. Rue was on one side of me and Cassie was on the other. 

  “Is it a boy?” Cassie sang.

  “Or a girl?” Rue questioned.

  “It’s none of your business,” I gritted out as I grabbed my necessary books. 

  As I shuffled the books in my arms, Jules came from behind and slipped my phone away from me. I gasped, whirled around, and watched as Rue tried to look at the phone while Cassie playfully blocked me.

  “Guys, this is not cool! This is such a serious invasion of privacy,” I argued as I tried to move around Cassie.

  “We’re besties, there’s no such thing as privacy!” Jules retorted. 

  “Wow, Y/N, these are so----” Jules cut Rue off.

  “Adorable!” Jules squealed and turned to face me.

  Cassie took the opportunity to glance at my phone and she smiled. “Aw, this Tyler guy sounds so sweet.” 

  I snatched my phone from Jules. “Well, now you know. Can we please go to class now?” 

  As the other girls grabbed their things from their lockers, I got out my phone to reply to Tyler.

  Y/N: It’s never too late...until noon technically.

   Somehow, I started wandering away from the girls until I ran into someone. I tried to jump away, but they grabbed me by the forearms.

  “I am so sorry, I should have looked where I was going---” I stopped speaking when I recognized Nate’s direct gaze on me. I was pretty tall but I always felt like he could throw me into the lockers if he wanted to.

  “Watch it, Y/N,” he muttered. 

  “Nate, let go of them,” Maddy chided, her hand resting against one of his arms. 

  She seemed to have the magic touch because he relaxed and I joined my friends. As the couple continued down the hallway, I couldn’t help but admire them. In a very messed up way, they worked. Kat had told me only a little about what Nate would do whenever Maddy upset him and I felt so bad for her, angry at him, and then conflicted. Nate just had to have that stereotypical amazing all-American look.

  “You okay, Y/N?” Cassie asked.

  “Yeah, is it weird that I can still feel his eyes on me even when he’s not looking?” I asked. 

  “No, his need for dominance permeates everyone’s sense of autonomy,” Rue assured.

  “Nice,” Jules said. 

  “And scary accurate,” Cassie added. 

  Jule looped her arm with mine and steered us in the direction of our first classes. “Anyway, if he tries anything, I’m sure Tyler would gladly kick his butt for you.” 

   Throughout the day, Tyler and I chatted and I even had to get creative with responding. In English, I kept my head down during quiet reading time and made sure my phone was positioned just right in my lap. During geometry, I told Mrs. Packer that I was having some digestive issues and spent most of the class outside the bathroom, texting Tyler. At lunch, I could barely focus on my friends’ conversation.

   “Hello, Earth to Y/N?” Lexi waved her hand in front of my face and I blinked.

   “Sorry, I was----”

   “Texting her boooyfriiiend,” Jules sang.

   “He’s not my boyfriend, we’re just talking.” I started poking at my sandwich. “What did I miss?” 

  “Oh, nothing, just the fact that I nearly blew up the school during chem,” Cassie said. 

  “Magnesium chloride isn’t an explosive,” Lexi argued. 

  “Well, the tube overflowed and everyone was freaking out,” Cassie argued.

  “Yeah, because magnesium chloride can have bad side effects,” Lexi continued.

   “I wonder what would happen if the school exploded and we weren’t all here? Would they have to give us our diplomas?” I thought outloud.

  “Ooh, and I could go to fashion school early!” Jules cheered. 

  “I’d be happy not coming here anymore,” Rue admitted. 

  It was quiet for a moment as we all ate but that quiet was broken when Maddy yelled.

  “WHO ARE YOU TEXTING?”

  I couldn’t help myself but look. Maddy was standing behind Nate, who was sitting with his teammates at the center table. Bebe and Kat flanked Maddy a little behind. Everyone stared at them. Nate’s jaw tightened. 

  “Maddy, calm down,” his relaxed, controlled voice nearly echoed in the silent cafeteria. 

  “DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! YOU’VE BEEN ON YOUR PHONE ALL DAY!” she snapped. 

  “Maddy---” 

  “ARE YOU TEXTING OTHER GIRLS?” Maddy shouted.

  “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” Nate asked. 

  Maddy sighed. “Are you gonna let me see your phone?”

  “Maddy, we need to talk.” 

  “Don’t talk to me again.” 

  Before Nate could respond, Maddy dumped the contents of her lunch tray over his head and threw the tray aside. Kat and Bebe followed her as she strutted out of the cafeteria amid the shocked gasps. 

   “I’m gonna go check on her,” Cassie whispered.

  We all nodded and she quietly exited the room. As I stared at Nate, the supposed king of the school, drenched in soggy salad and fat-free milk, I wondered why he could never stay broken up with Maddy. Their relationship was not just toxic, it was volatile. Their breakups were always public and outrageous, but they always ended up back together. No one questioned it either. I never understood why people could continue to choose relationship they knew was bad over pursuing something new. I told Tyler as much that night. 

   Y/N: It’s like those dogs that get killed by electric fences because they keep walking into them.

  Tyler: U have a good point, but, that couple’s relationship is more complicated than u think. 

  Y/N: Probably, but, it doesn’t look that way. They hurt each other a lot.

  Tyler: How do u know? 

   Y/N: Bc I’ve seen it. I don’t mean 2 b judgy, but, I could never be in a relationship like that. 

  Tyler: Well, I don’t think anyone would b if they knew it would b bad. 

  Y/N: Good point. But, why would they get back together so much? 

  Tyler: Idk them, but, it could b bc it’s familiar and it’s what they know.

  Y/N: Still, it’s messed up.

 Tyler: Yeah, but I don’t wanna talk abt them anymore.

 Y/N: K, what do u wanna talk abt? 

  A few seconds later, Tyler sent me a picture so graphically beautiful that I was convinced I passed out.

 The next day, I showed Rue and Jules the picture during break time.

 “Holy crap!” Jules took my phone and leaned into it for closer inspection. 

 “Tyler is packing,” Rue agreed. 

  Jules slid my phone back to me. “You haven’t replied to him?”    “No, and he hasn’t talked to me at all today.”

  “He’s probably expecting a reply that’s similar to what he sent,” Rue said.

  My face warmed up. “I can’t send him nudes,” I hissed.

  “Why not? It’s like the greeting cards of our generation,” Jules stated.

  “Really? You’d send your grandparents a greeting card of your naked body?” I replied sarcastically.

  “Relax, if you’re uncomfortable, we can help you,” Jules assured.

  “We can?” Rue asked.

  “We can.” Jules gave her a look and Rue relaxed. 

  “It’s still weird, but, I guess you guys can come over after school.”

  “Sweet! Your mom still bakes cookies for you after school, right?” Jules asked.

  I nodded.

  “She might stop once she learns her darling favorite older child is sending nudes,” Rue snorted as she spoke.

  I recoiled in my seat, taking a second to bask in the sun’s warmth. “Don’t remind me.” 

  After swim practice, once my teammates left the locker room, I eyed my naked form in the mirror. I had nothing to be ashamed of, really, thanks to all the swimming, but, I just felt weird being naked in front of people. There was something so vulnerable about it, like, being on display in a museum or lying on a cold surgery table. But, online dating was supposed to get me out of my comfort zone and I’d found someone who’d made me feel comfortable enough to do it. With this resolve, I changed into a hoodie and some sweatpants and left the school. It was dusk and I typically walked home after practice since it wasn’t far. Plus, I’d told Jules and Rue to just go to my house after school. 

  The late breeze rippled past me and I dug my hands into my pants’ pockets as I started walking towards the parking lot. There was barely anyone around, except stoners hotboxing their cars, some couples making out, and dance team members and football players getting out of practice.

  I kept my head down as I maneuvered around the few cars and people around. It felt like someone could spot what I was about to do once I got home and it was nervewracking. All I had to do was get home, let Jules make me look even better, take these pictures, and never thinking of it again.

   “Something on your mind, Y/N?” Nate called.

   I froze and snapped my head up to look at him. He was leaning against his truck, looking like a model for Ford in only a tshirt and jeans. Ford should hire him. 

   “No, not really,” I said. 

   I started to side step the truck, eyeing the sidewalk that was only a few yards away as though it was a lifeline. 

  “Get in,” Nate ordered.

  I paused and looked at him. “Excuse me?” 

  “I see you walking home all the time, let me do you a favor, one athlete to another.” Nate was about halfway in the driver’s seat of the car and all I could do was stare.

  “We’ve...never really talked before,” I stated. 

  “We can talk during the drive.” 

   I stepped back and my eyes flittered around, like the best decision would hit me in the face. Then, I saw Maddy across the lot. She was standing with a couple of dance team girls, including Cassie. She stared me down as though daring me to do it. I glanced from her to Nate, who started the engine loudly. 

   I quickly climbed into the passenger’s seat and stared into Maddy’s reflection in the rearview mirror as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

  “How do you know where I live?” I asked.

  “You forgot that I gave you a ride before?” Nate asked.

  “When?” 

  “After Cassie’s sweet sixteen. You blacked out, your friends were panicking, and I offered to take you home. For some reason, you remembered your address,” Nate recalled.

  “Oh, thanks?” 

  “Sure.” 

  We pulled up to my house a few minutes later, Lil Wayne bragging about his conquests filling the quiet. I hopped out of the truck and grabbed my bag. 

  “Thanks for the ride, this one, I mean, I owe you,” I said.

  “Yeah, see you around, Y/N.” 

  I closed the door and headed inside.

  “I’m home!” I called.

  My mom poked her head out from the kitchen. “Y/N, how was school and practice?” 

  “Fine.” 

  “Was that Nate Jacobs outside?” 

  I hesitated. 

  How did she know what Nate’s truck looked like?  “Yeah, he gave me a ride today.” 

  “Aw, isn’t that sweet? Rue and Jules are waiting for you in your room. They took the cookies with them.”  

  I nodded and went to my room. As soon as I walked in, they bombarded me with questions.

  “Why did Nate give you a ride?” Rue asked.

  “What did you guys talk about?” Jules inquired. 

  “Don’t you hate him?” 

  “He’s kind of a dick, but, unfortunately, super good looking.”

  “Did Maddy see?” 

  “Do you think she’s gonna kill you?” 

  “Guys, I don’t know but I do know that if you do not take amazing pictures of me with no clothes on soon, I will delete my entire profile,” I interrupted. 

  They both nodded. 

  “But, we will ask for details later,” Jules insisted.

  “Okay, but, please give me a cookie, I’ll need it to get through this.” 

  Rue extended the plate towards me and I bit into the melty goodness as Jules began doing my makeup. It was simple, only bringing out my best features. I made them both turn around as I undressed. Once I had, Jules encouraged me.

  “You look amazing, I would be shocked if he didn’t jizz in his pants,” Jules said.

  “Lower your voice, Y/B/N can only play Five Nights at Freddy’s so loud,” I hissed.

  Jules held her hands up and Rue direct me to lay on the bed, my phone held up in front of her.

  “Okay, look sexy,” Rue said.

  I tried to smolder, but, by their expressions, I did not achieve it.

  “No, like, pout your lips, like, you just heard that TheOdd1sOut is not uploading for a month,” Jules directed.

  “And give the camera bedroom eyes, you know, as though it’s Tyler.”

  “Okay.”    After a few pictures, I slowly got the hang of it and even started posing a little naturally.

  “Oh my gosh, Tyra is shook!” Jules cheered. 

 “Yeah, these are pretty good if I do say so myself.” Rue handed me my phone and I flipped through the pictures. 

  She was a talented photogrpaher and I joked that maybe she should go professional.

  “Yeah, I’m sure I’d have a nice clientele.” 

  I laughed as I changed back into my hoodie and sweatpants. “Okay, help me pick one to send.” 

  Jules took my phone and she and Rue began scrolling.

  “No, the lighting’s off in this one,” Jules muttered.

  “No, it’s never off in any of these,” Rue argued. 

  “I’m not shading your talent, I’m just trying to find the best thing for Y/N to send Tyler.” 

  After a little more bickering, we all agreed on the picture and I sent it to Tyler.

  “Should I follow it up with something?” I asked.

  “Maybe say ‘Wrong person’? Guys want what other guys want,” Jules suggested.

  “Or say ‘Sorry for the late reply’,” Rue added.

  “I’ll go with Rue’s, sorry, Jules.” 

  Jules shrugged. 

  I sent everything off and my friends and I watched as Tyler typed a response.

  Tyler: It was worth the wait ;).

  We squealed so loud that my mom yelled for us to keep it down. We apologized as we descended into a fit of giggles. Through it all, I could not help but feel so bouncy and light all over. Was I...falling for this total stranger? 

  “What do you think he looks like?” Jules asked during lunch later that week.

  I shrugged. “It’s different every day, if that makes sense.” 

  “I guess that’s the nice thing about interacting with someone who doesn’t show their face,” Jules thought outloud. 

  “How do you see him now?” Lexi asked. 

  I sighed. “Right now, I think he’s tall, six feet at least. He’s got a mix of blonde and brown hair like a surfer because it’s lightened from all the time he’s spent in the sun. He has green eyes, freckles, and he dresses well.” 

  “Sounds amazing,” Jules said as she rest her chin in her hand. 

  Rue nodded slowly. “You’re not nervous or anything?” 

  “No, this is so cheesy, but, I feel like I know him, you know? He’s so easy to talk to and has so much to say.”

  “Y/N’s blushing,” Jules teased. “Do you love him?” 

  “I really, really, really, like him.” 

  “Do you think you’ll meet soon?” Lexi asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know, neither of us has brought it up.”

  “Well, it just matters that you’re comfortable, okay?” Rue said.

  “Okay.” 

  If I was honest, I did not know if I wanted to meet Tyler. I knew that I liked him more than I liked anyone before, but, there was something strange about breaking this wall the internet provided us. It was freer to talk on the internet than it was in person. What if I said something stupid in front of him? What if he thought that I looked different in person? What if he looked different in person? 

  I managed to keep these thoughts at bay for the rest of the day until I got home. Post-dinner had been officially declared Talk to Tyler Time. None of my family knew what I was doing besides blasting Amy Winehouse in my room for about an hour. My laugh nearly overpowered her high note in “Best Friends, Right?”. I had to blink away my happy tears as I replied to him. 

  Y/N: That did not happen!  Tyler: Yes it did! Do u want 2 c the scar????

 Y/N: No, I think I’m good.

 I wiped away my tears and settled under the covers. I wondered if his friends would agree that Tyler gets into some weird situations as well. Just as I started typing, Tyler beat me.

 Tyler: I want 2 meet u.

 The speed that I launched my phone away from me almost shocked me more than the text.

  Almost.

  My heartbeat thrummed in my ears. This was it, I knew I couldn’t avoid him much longer, but, I felt like I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare at my phone like it was the most offensive object in the world. Slowly, I regained mobility and grabbed my phone. I took a deep breath.

  “Take a chance, Y/L/N,” I whispered.

  Y/N: When and where?

    “You’re meeting him tonight?” Jules squealed the next day.

  I hushed her as people in the hallway paused to look at us. “Not so loud.”   “But this is so exciting. Please let me help you decide what to wear,” Jules pleaded with a pout. 

  “Sure,” I said. 

  Jules hugged me. “This is going to be so fun. I won’t go crazy with glitter since this is the first time you’re meeting this guy.” 

 “Thanks?” 

 “Do your parents know?” Rue asked.

 “No,” I replied as I slowly pulled away from Jules. “They’re coming Senior Night tonight, though. and I’m going to meet him at Mercy Park an hour before it ends.” 

 “Are you sure you even want to do this? I know that Jules and I tease you about your love life, but, this is risky,” Rue said. 

 “You weren’t saying that when you were helping me with those pictures the other day,” I shot back.

  “That was different. You’re...you’re actually meeting him now and he could be a psychopath or a sociopath or, just, a creepy old guy who likes to look at teenagers!” Rue insisted.

  “Rue, relax, everything’s going to be fine.”

  “You don’t know that!” She turned on her heel and hurried into the bathroom with Jules and I on her tail. 

  When we entered, Rue was leaning against the wall, panting and staring up at the ceiling. Jules and I approached her slowly as the girls who were in the bathroom quickly filed out. 

  “Rue, slow down your breathing,” I said slowly.

  “I...I can’t. You-you could get hurt or something and-and I would know about it an-and I-I couldn’t live with that!” Tears burst from her eyes as Rue began pacing and Jules and I were close but gave her room. 

  “Rue, Y/N is going to be okay, we both know what time she’ll be at the park. If anything happens, we’ll know the area she could be in,” Jules assured her.

  Rue shook her head and stopped in her tracks. Then, she looked between us helplessly before bowing her head and sobbing. Jules and I carefully hugged her and let her cry.

  “I’m sorry that I’m scared and I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt,” Rue mumbled into my shirt.

  “It’s okay, I appreciate it. I really want to meet Tyler, though, and, I promise I will let you know if something happens, okay?” 

  Rue nodded and sniffled.

   It took Jules about an hour to make me look amazing. I had no idea my hair could be so fluffy and put together until she was done with it. She used eyeliner to make eyes look bigger and rounder and added sparkly lip gloss to make my lips look plumper. After she contoured and highlighted the best places she deemed that her work was done. My outfit, a fitted forest green long-sleeve shirt and fitted black pants with Jadons, was also approved by her.

  “Tell me everything later!” she insisted.

  Rue couldn’t join us since she had “prior commitments” but I texted her that I would let her know when I head to the park and when I leave. My nerves didn’t let me focus on the soccer game my parents insisted I joined them and my brother at. I couldn’t care less that the forward on one team got a yellow card or that the goalie on the other team made illegal blocks. I was practically buzzing with excitement and fear so much that I had to give my pretzel to Y/B/N. Finally, the third quarter arrived and I told my parents that I would meet them at home since I’d promised Lexi that I would help her with some homework. 

  Lexi wouldn’t mind being used for a lie this one time; it was an emergency.

  I tried to practice some calming deep breaths as I walked over to the park. The dark night sky provided a little bit of comfort to my walk. I wondered how different Tyler would look from the picture in my mind. I wondered if he thought I would look any different. Maybe (hopefully) it wouldn’t matter to either of us.

  Finally, I reached the park. It was empty, save for the oak trees scattered throughout the lush green scenery that seemed mysterious under the mooonlight. A few benches and wooden tables were around as well, but, Tyler and I had agreed to meet at the fountain which was further in the park. The breathing exercises had to have helped because I felt much more relaxed and I hoped that everything would go all right. 

   When I got to the fountain, there was a tall person facing it. All I could make out were dark clothes and broad shoulders. I took another deep breath and kept walking.

  “This is a nice spot, you have good taste,” I commented. 

  “I could say the same for you.” I stopped in my tracks as Nate slowly turned to face me. His face was unreadable but his eyes stayed on me. 

  “What? Wh-where’s Tyler?” I asked, my voice already hoarse. 

  Nate glanced down at his shoes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how else to talk to you.” 

  I shook my head. “No.” My vision got blurry but I could tell that Nate was looking up at me now. 

  “Just let me explain,” he requested softly. 

  He took a step towards me and I took two steps back .

 “I don’t wanna hear it. This....this is some sick joke to you or something?” 

 “No, never, Y/N, just listen to me.” 

 “I don’t want to!” The tears rolled down my cheeks and I swiped at them so hard that I thought I scratched myself. At least I could feel something because my heart felt numb. “You catfished me!” 

  “I just wanted to talk to you, I really do like you, Y/N. Tyler and I are the same, just different names,” Nate insisted, coming closer.

  For some reason, I didn’t move. I didn’t know if it was from emotional exhaustion or stress, but, I let him approach me. I kept shaking my head. 

  “No,” I hiccuped. 

  “I wanted to meet you tonight because I was tired of lying. I want to figure this, us, out,” Nate said.

  I sniffed. “Us?” 

  At that moment, I could actually see his face and Nate seemed so hopeful. There was a slight smile on his lips and his eyes seemed light for once. Maybe he wanted there to be an “us”. Maybe, despite all logic, he wanted to talk to me seriously and could not do it offline because of his reputation. Maybe, he was over the on-again-off-again situation with Maddy. Maybe, this was my chance, our chance.

  I wiped my face again, mentally cringing at how upset Jules would be for my ruining her masterpiece. 

  “Yeah, us.” Nate stepped closer to me, gently wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me into his chest.

  Gradually, my muscles relaxed and I relished in the feeling of his strong upper body and his warmth. Then, I began to feel pressure on my waist and gasped as it intensified. 

  “Nate, you’re...squeezing...too hard,” I rasped out. 

  And he started laughing, no, cackling. As he laughed, his grip tightened and I continued gasping and clawing at everything I could. 

  “Nate...stop!” 

  But he kept laughing and squeezing. When he finally released me, I looked up and saw nothing behind his eyes. Everything in me told me to run, but, I knew he could have easily caught up to me.

  “I really thought you were smarter than that, Y/N. C’mon, you couldn’t honestly think that I would do all this to be with you,” he sneered.

  “So why do it then?” I asked, my voice so small that I could have kicked myself for it. 

  Nate sighed and folded his arms. “Because you made it so easy and, to ask for a favor.” 

  “What? That makes no sense,” I argued. “I told you I owed you one that day you gave me a ride!” 

  “Yeah, well, I needed to make sure that you were available when I needed you.” 

  “Whatever, screw you,” I hissed as I pivoted on my heel. 

  “Too late for you, you’re already screwed.” Nate pulled out a folder from inside his jacket pocket. “Remember those special pictures you sent to Tyler? Well, they count as distribution of child pornography, which has a hefty fine and sentence.” 

   My mouth opened and closed several times before I faced him and responded. “But...but you held them, doesn’t that count towards possession? And, you’re extorting me!” 

  Nate glowered at me and stormed over. “Heresay, no solid evidence for your case. Plus, I’m a Jacobs, so, who are you kidding?” 

   I felt so sick to my stomach that I could have thrown up, fainted, or cried at that moment. This was not real, this could not be real.

   “What do you want?” I asked.

   “Like I said, just be available when I need you.” 

  “Fine.” 

  “Sorry, what was that?” He gripped my chin his hand and forced me to look up at him.

  “Okay,” I said softly.

  “Hmm.” His eyes scanned my face before he released me. “And if I ever hear you judging my relationship with Maddy again, these pictures are going to be the least of your concern.” 

  I nodded weakly, regretting every single thing I ever told him. Nate Jacobs was truly the devil. He wandered off into the night like a centurion leaving a victorious battle. It seemed like he always won. 

  I managed not to start crying until I was on the empty sidewalk. No, I sobbed so bad that my throat went dry. 

  How could I have been so stupid? I should have known it was him that day Maddy yelled at him for texting all day. 

  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

  My sobs continued as I grabbed my phone and texted Rue. 

  Y/N: U were right. 

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person. 

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect. 

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization. 

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head. 

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice. 

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too. 

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think. 

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby. 

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it. 

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency. 

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits. 

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you. 

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn. 

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past. 

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation. 

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write. 

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese. 

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting. 

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗

[devinescribe]

Liars

Chapter 13 of '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

I am... very... very... sorry for not updating this. I've been trying to write for this, got started, halfway through I got bored of the concept, deleted it, and started over. It's still... meh, if I'm being completely honest, but I hope you enjoy

Warnings: talks and mentions of rape, talks and mentions of abuse, swearing, mentions of blood, mentions of bullying. I think that's all, but as always let me know if I missed any.

Finally a hearts game!

You were excited, and so was Niragi. It was low ranking so you weren't worried in the least.

There were a couple others playing with you, and you smiled. There was people to sacrifice if needed. "How fun!" You cheered. Niragi laughed, shaking his head. "You're a crazy bitch you know?" You heard someone say. You turned to face them, and smiled. Your smile looked so innocent, so pure. "Hopefully the craziest bitch you've ever met."

"Game: Maze Of Reflection (can I name things? No.)

Rules: Everyone will be partnered up. You will be asked questions that you can only answer truthfully. The questions will all have relate to you and your life. Your partner will get the questions they must ask you through the headsets on the table.  If you do lie, the headsets send a wave of the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Once you've lied a total of 3 times, the headsets explode. There is no time limit. If your partner dies before you reach the end, you've basically won. You just find your way through the maze.

Clear condition: Make it to the end of the maze without lying to your partner 3 times.

The headsets will tell you who you're partnered up with. Game commences in two minutes.''

You skipped to the table, grabbing a headset. You noticed everyone except Niragi, Chishiya, and Last Boss, hesitating to grab one. "Well, come on now! You'll die of you don't grab one," you said. So cheerful. So excited. And for what? To watch the people in this room die? Maybe.

You put the headset on, and watched the screen load.

Partner: Player 59725

Below the number was a picture of Niragi. "Oh this is going to be so fucking easy!" Niragi exclaimed. You high-fived him. "Promise number two really saved our asses, hm?" You teased, remembering him saying something about keeping so many promises being dumb.

'Game start.'

You grabbed Niragi's hand, dragging him with you. "First question... oh, OK. What did your best friend promise to do if you were 28 and still single?" You asked. "That we'd get married," he answered. You heard his head set chime. "This is gonna be a bit too easy for my liking," you muttered.

"What cartoon characters did you idolize growing up and why?" Niragi asked. You bumped into a mirror and cursed. "Fuck... um... it was.... L Lawliet for his skills in solving things as well as his cleverness, Light Yagami for his twisted sense of justice, and Misa Amane for my fashion inspiration?" You said, trying to remember correctly. Your head set chimed.

This kept going on for a couple minutes, where you would ask each other a question, and the truth was told.  Then the mirrors lit up.

'Players 11037 and 59725 switch. Your new partners are player 25718 and 617834.'

''So I go with Chishiya, and you go with that guy?" You asked. He nodded with a groan. "Well, I was getting rather bored, weren't you?" You asked him. He looked at you confused. "What do you mean?" Niragi asked. "Well, we know all there is to know about each other. There's nothing new or interesting being found out right now," you explained.

Were you really bored of him? No, not of him. You would never be bored of him. You just wanted a fun and interesting game. You would never get bored of him. Niragi hoped you wouldn't. He didn't want to be alone.

"So, did you bore the game master somehow?" Chishiya teased when you got to him. "I guess you could say that. We have nothing to hide from eachother, so it was getting boring for me too," you explained.

"Who in all actuality took your first time?" Chishiya read off the screen. He looked at you, waiting for your answer. "Easy, it was Niragi," you answered. Then you felt a pain in the bottom of of your stomach as your headset beeped. A voice on the headset called you a liar, as the pain worsened, and you  screamed, falling to your knees. It hurt. Tears built up in your eyes as you tried to deal with the pain. "Are you lying?" Chishiya asked. "No, read the question again please? Just so I can figure out why I got it wrong. I know I'm not. I really did give him my first," you said, holding your stomach. It really was the worst pain you'd ever felt. It made you shudder. How did they know what was the worst pain?

"Who in all actuality took your first time?" He asked again. You thought for a minute.

'I gave Niragi my 'first'. The question is asking who took my first.'

You looked away. "It... it was taken... stolen... by... by a bully from school. One of the guys that tortured me," you stated. You had never admitted that out loud. You hadn't even told Niragi. You heard your head set chime, and looked at the mirrors. They were projecting you.

All of them. In the whole maze. You gasped, scooting back until your back was against the mirror behind you. You stared in horror as it replayed the words you had said. The thing you didn't want anyone to know had now been broadcasted to at least 14 people. The screen changed to Niragi.

"(Y/N) they did what?! And you- you didn't tell me?!" He shouted. "S-suguru, 'm sorry don't be mad at me," you squeaked, hiding behind your hands, as if he were in front of you. As if he would hurt you. "We'll be talking about this later," he said. Then the mirrors went back to being mirrors. Tears rolled down your cheeks. From the pain in your stomach and the embarrassment. The fear of the one person who you looked for approval of might leave you.

You stood up, and read Chishiya's question. "Who's the person you hate most?" You asked, wiping the tears away, holding your stomach. "Hm? Hate is such a strong word. I don't hate anyone-" Chishiya started, before holding his left hand. His eyes widened and he cursed, holding onto it. His headset beeped, and called him a liar. You guessed the pain worsened as he let out a groan of pain, followed by a small yelp when he tried to soothe the b pain. You went over to him looking at his hand in concern. "Are you ok?" You asked, grabbing his hand softly, your fingers barely ghosting over the skin. He hissed in pain, grabbing it back. "Fine. I hate my father. And my mother. I hate my parents," he answered. His headset chimed, and you looked a him in shock. You would've never guessed that was his trauma. "What? Little miss perfect grew up with a perfect family, didn't she? Got everything she wanted, the attention of people she loved?" He spat. You flinched. "Oh, look here's your question now. Who and what do you fear the most?" He asked. "My father and Suguru's father. And I fear being alone, getting hurt by people, as well as disappointing those I love and them leaving me," you answered. Your headset chimed, and you looked over at Chishiya. "Am I still little miss perfect with a perfect family?"

You two finally found your way through the maze, question after question. You didn't want to tell him some things, but it was better than dying.

'Last question is for both players. Tell the truth or you will be executed whether or not it was your third time lying.'

'Why is that the worst pain you've felt in your life?'

"Because... I was left handed. My parents might not have cared about me or anything having to do with me, but they sure as hell cared that I wrote with my left hand. They broke it once. Never wrote with it again," Chishiya answered. You grabbed his hand softly once more, and gave him a look of understanding.

"Mine has a few reasons. When... well when my first was stolen, it hurt. A lot. And when my father found out I gave my first to Niragi... he hurt my stomach. And the kids at school... the ones that tortured Niragi and I... they used to hurt me in similar ways to both reasons I said before," you said. Chishiya gave you a look that you couldn't read. Was it sympathy? Pity?

The screen chimed as well as phones a 'game complete message' across them both, and your headsets dropped to the floor. You grabbed his hand, pulling him out.

Outside, Kuina, Last Boss and another guy was out there. "My partner had a lot of secrets I guess," Last Boss muttered, wiping some of the blood from his arm. "Dude no way! He exploded on you?" You asked. He nodded, very annoyed at the fact they had. "Like, number 1, ew. Number 2, however,  that's pretty fucking cool. What did they have to hide they didn't want to tell?" You wondered. "So... about your maze fiasco? Why did it only broadcast yours? And you and Niragi were the only two who got separated," Kuina asked. "I don't know... but if the game master is going to be a dick, I'm going to start hating these games," you said. "Hey... (Y/N), can I talk to you?" Chishiya whispered, pulling on your arm. You nodded, letting him lead you out of earshot of the others.

"I'm... I didn't know about your family situation. I shouldn't have said you were little miss perfect and assumed," he said, looking off to the side. "I accept your apology," you smiled. "I-i didn't apologize," he stammered. "Can I hug you?" You asked. He looked around, before nodding. You pulled him into a hug, leaning down, and whispering in his ear, "I know that was your way of apologizing. Thank you for telling me the truth... I'm glad I know you a bit better."

"Everything you heard, you say nothing about, got it?" Niragi threatened his partner. They nodded, terrified of him. They left, and Niragi immediately looked for you. He saw you sitting in the backseat of the car. He gave you a look, and you lowered your gaze. Kuina glared at him, sitting besides you in the back. He went over, and sat in the driver's seat. He purposely sat far from you. Last Boss got in the back, Chishiya finally getting into the front seat.

Niragi didn't say a word. He didn't respond to you, Chishiya's taunting. Nothing. You tapped his shoulder, and tried talking to him. "(Y/N), I'm driving. We will talk later," he stated. Was he really that mad?

You rushed into the hotel, rushing into your room. You didn't want to talk to him anymore. He was being mean.

You took a shower, changing into your pajamas, and sitting on your bed. You knew that Niragi would barge in at any second. You knew he would. Even if you didn't want to talk to him, he would.

You heard the door creek open, and got ready. Would he yell at you? Call you names? These were things that you had never thought about when thinking about Niragi.

You didn't look up as he sat on the bed besides you. "We're going to talk about it. I know you don't want to, but we have to," Niragi said. You looked up at him. "Are you mad?" You asked, playing with the fabric of your shirt. "Kind of. Why... first, let me ask, when did this happen?" He questioned. "Mmm... last year of high school... about two months before I gave you my first," you responded. "It wasn't really your fi-"

"To me it was. I didn't give him my first Suguru. He stole it. Why the fuck do you think I was so nervous the whole time?"

"Yeah but it wasn't-"

"It was! I-i... it was to me. Think about it, if your car gets stolen, it's still your car, no? You didn't give it to them... Then... if they stole my first... I still... I didn count as my first. You were. I counted you as my first."

You bit your tongue to stop the tears. You didn't want to cry and seem weak. "I... I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I'm sorry you had to find out about it that way..." you whispered. "I know. It just... makes me a bit upset that you're the one who made promise 9 and you broke it. I wish... you had told me back then, so that I could've helped you," he stated. "You did. You helped me back then. Even without knowing," you said, reaching your hand out to touch his. He pulled back. "How!? I-i- You cried when I- is that why? How could I have helped you if I didn't even know about it?" He asked, raising his voice. You grabbed his hand softly. "Because you showed me that... when it's wanted, when it's with you someone you trust, and when it's with someone you love... sex is a positive thing. It's not something I should be scared of. You gave me a positive image of what it should be like," you explained. He looked at you in shock. He didn't think you had actually felt that way back then, and even now. But it made sense about why you made promise 40 after.

You lay next to him, catching your breath, your hands holding onto him. Every inch of your skin was pressed against his, as if he'd disappear the second you would let go. He held you just as tight.

"Sugu... let's make a promise, yeah?"

"What is it?"

"That if by the time we're 28, and still single, we'll marry each other."

"I'd like that."

"Promise 40, we promise that if by the time we're 28 and still single, we'll get married."

It made so much more sense to him now.

"If you say so..." he muttered. You pulled him into bed with you, getting under the covers. "Sleep in here tonight. Please?" You pleaded, having a pillow and a space for him on the other side of the bed. "Alright," was all he said before getting under the sheets with you. You hugged him, burying your face into his neck. "I hope you know all the neck and back pain I have endured from hugging and sleeping with your short ass," you whispered. He decided to let your comment slide. He'd would just let you relax from the game. Tomorrow was another day.

You hoped you didn't have nightmare again.

[rkived]

drabble #2: pediatricsurgeon!jk is sure he only has a tiny crush on generalsurgeon!reader, but neurosergeon!taehyung makes him face the reality of how big that little crush actually is.

or, in which, hypothetically speaking, would jungkook mind you going on a date with obgyn!jimin? (hospitalplaylist!au) 

↩  previous | 📍drabbles masterlist | next ↪️

‘‘Yeah, yeah,’’ Taehyung spoke, rolling his eyes as he makes his way to seat next to Jungkook, who was having his dinner.

And by dinner, it’s the microwavable Top Ramen his office’s pantry is filled with.

He opens his mouth, finger pointing at it as the silent request for Jungkook to feed him ‘‘No, I mean─’’

He does and now Taehyung’s mouth is stuffed with noodles, interrupting his conversation as he mumbles the last of his words, though they’re incoherent.

‘‘Mph─?” he garbles “I’m having dinner.’’ he answers after swallowing and Jungkook stifles a laugh at his annoyed expression, he can’t tell if Taehyung’s unpleased with the person on the phone or with his mischievous action ‘‘What? No! I’m having dinner at work.’’

By the way he’s speaking, the pediatrician figures out who his friend’s talking to. 

‘‘Yoonah?’’ Jungkook mouths and Taehyung nods, there’s a glimmer of annoyance in his eyes. 

Taehyung huffs, switching the phone to his other hand as he takes Jungkook’s chopsticks to feed himself more noodles ‘‘Okay, y’know what? I’ll call you later, babe.’’ and the neurosurgeon's girlfriend is not allowed to answer back because Taehyung has already ended the call, putting his personal phone on airplane mode and placing it on one of his lab coat’s pockets.

He groans, exhausted. Taehyung never looked like this, not even after a big surgery. Jungkook doesn’t even make an effort to take his chopsticks and ramen back. 

‘‘You should break up with her already.’’ Jungkook casually advices and it’s obvious this is isn’t the first time the topic has been discussed. 

Taehyung shakes his head slightly, cheeks stuffed with noodles and the pediatrician wants to squeeze them for the fun of it, but his friend’s annoyed so Jungkook might just get it. 

Taehyung swallows and he sighs ‘‘I’m too old to date again,’’ he explains and Jungkook prepares himself to hear his friend’s excuse for the upteenth time ‘‘and Yoonah is a pain in the ass, but she puts up with me. I have to meet her halfway.’’

Jungkook knows it’s not because of that.

Taehyung isn’t old, but once he turned thirty he had deemed himself ancient. The neurosurgeon even cried while they all sang him the ‘happy birthday’ song. 

Also, Yoonah is a twenty-two-year-old model and she’s pretty, so there’s that.

‘‘You should mind your business,’’ Taehyung spoke ‘‘you’re old too, yet your ass is single.’’ 

Jungkook did get it after all.

‘‘I’m not old, I’m still in my twenties.’’ Jungkook argued and his friend laughed out loud enough to be heard by the passer-bys outside the pediatrician’s office. 

‘‘Barely,’’ Taehyung replied after calming down ‘‘you’ll be thirty in a few months, say goodbye to your youth.’’ he says this bitterly, like he resents the natural aging a human has to go through. 

The pediatrician sighs, eyes closed ‘‘Taehyung, turning thirty does not equal to being old, in fact, thirty is the new twenty!’’ 

He read that somewhere, probably one of those lame Facebook posts that definitely a thirty-year old wrote to makes themselves feel better. Taehyung’s thirty-two so he can attest that that’s not true at all. 

‘‘Anyway, right now I’m focused on my career,’’ Jungkook continues ‘‘I can think about settling down later.’’ 

Taehyung hums, unimpressed ‘‘Fine, die alone then.’’ 

The familiar ringtone of Jungkook’s phone is the conversation ender between the two. Jungkook smiles lightly at the way your name displays on the screen. 

Taehyung chuckles ‘‘Or don’t.’’

Jungkook ignores him and answers his phone with a chirpy tone ‘‘Hey, you coming?’’ he asks and he can hear papers being stacked in the background, he guesses you’re rearranging stuff in your office like you always tend to do once a week, apparently it brings you sanity. 

‘‘Yeah, in like, ten minutes’’ you say and Jungkook knows you’ll be right on time, he hopes he’s still here by then. 

You’ve been a little too busy lately and he’s been unable to have a face-to-face conversation these days, coincidentally falling on a time where he’s fully aware of his tiny crush on you. 

Maybe it’s a good thing, but now he goes stupid whenever he bumps into you around the hospital’s hallways because he’s not mentally prepared when he sees you. He’s never able to fully explain why he stumbles over his words when this happens.

You hang up, explaining you need to finish something up before you’re able to stop by his office and Jungkook doesn’t let you know he already knows what you’re doing, instead telling you he’ll wait for your arrival.

‘‘Ah, Namjoon was right,’’ Taehyung speaks up ‘‘this is serving me Med School vibes.’’ 

‘‘You’re thirty-two, please don’t talk like that.’’ Jungkook reminds him, there’s a whine in his voice and he physically cringes at his friend’s usage of the new slang terms.

Taehyung frowns ‘‘Thought I was young.’’ 

‘‘This is not Med School, alright?’’ the pediatrician clarifies, standing up from his place on the couch to take the finished Top Ramen his friend had ate for him and throwing it in the trash ‘‘I am mature now, I can control my emotions better.’’ he guarantees.

‘‘Oh yeah?’’ Taehyung retorts and Jungkook nods, he seems sure of himself ‘‘So, let’s say that─hypothetically speaking─Jimin asks Y/N out on a date and she said yes, would you get upset?’’

Jungkook hums ‘‘OBGYN Park Jimin?’’ he asks and Taehyung nods ‘‘Hypothetically speaking, he doesn’t have a chance on going on a date with her.’’ he answers with a tight lipped smile.

‘‘Hypothetically speaking, why not?’‘ Taehyung prods. 

The pediatrician scoffs, thinking this conversation was absurd and quickly taking another direction ‘‘Because, hypothetically speaking, Y/N is out of his league,’’ he entertains the idea anyway ‘‘and yes, that includes medical fields.’’ 

Taehyung stands up abruptly ‘‘Okay, pause, are you trying to say that bringing a baby into the world is lesser than a common surgery? Where does that place me then?”

‘‘Hypothetically speaking.’’ Jungkook says through gritted teeth ‘‘Why are you bringing that up, anyway?’’ he asks because even though Taehyung always talked about the randomest shit, it always made sense in the end. 

His friend shrugs his shoulders, like there’s no particular reason ‘‘I don’t know, maybe Jimin’s interested,’’ he teases ‘‘maybe not.’’ 

Jungkook’s heartbeat races up and he’s come to understand why Namjoon gave him that diagnosis a few weeks back. 

He’s nervous. 

---

By the time you stop by, Taehyung’s long gone having already lit the match, but not bothering to wait and watch it burn. 

You so kindly came with an iced americano for him and a small cupcake to indulge yourself in, a small reward for the succesful surgery you had done earlier that day.

Jungkook is trying to listen to you explain to him what the process was like, but your words sound like an echo in his head instead. He can’t help but to think about Taehyung’s stupid—but valid—hypothetical situation.

Well, he’s sure he’s not madly in love with you. Like, he hasn’t reached that level—yet. If anything, this crush is a ‘I think you’re really pretty and smart and nice and sweet and cool’ sort of crush.

Fuck, this is actually giving him Med School vibes too.

“Would you go out on a date with Park Jimin?” he interjects and his brain is yelling at him, perhaps he should seek Taehyung’s help next “Hypothetically speaking.” he adds once he notices the raise of your eyebrow.

You cross your arms over your chest, glancing somewhere else “Uhm,” you really don’t know what to answer, thinking that entertaining Jungkook’s out of the blue questions usually don’t end up well “I don’t know—I guess?”

“Hypothetically speaking, right?” Jungkook asks, but it sounds like he’s begging for you to tell him that the situation would never happen.

“Sure,” you shrug “he seems like a nice guy.”

Jungkook tries not to yell in frustration.

There’s no backstory to him and the OBGYN. The pediatrician only resents the fact that Jimin had become residents’s favorite doctor, taking Jungkook’s spotlight away. He had made peace with it, there was something about that guy that was indeed charming.

But now, this opens up the possibility of you being on Jimin’s league. He tries not to let Taehyung’s words affect him, but what if the OBGYN really is interested?

Jungkook knows his neurosurgeon friend and the bright smile guy get along quite well, have caught them eating together at the hospital’s cafeteria more than once.

Does...does this mean Jungkook has competition? Is he actually going to have to do something about this tiny —not so tiny— crush?

A lightbulb pops over Jungkook’s head instead “Hypothetically speaking, would you go out on a date with me?”

“Okay, what’s up with you?” there’s laughter in your tone and Jungkook doesn’t like the way you can’t seem to take him seriously.

“Y/N!” he whines “just answer, it’s hypothetical anyway.” Yeah, hypothetical.

You sigh, there’s a level of patience you have to have for dealing with him. You’ve studied it and have learnt it for the past decade and few years of being friends with him. Yet, you still have to prepare yourself every time.

“Are we friends in this hypothetical context?” you ask and he narrows his eyes at you, does that change your answer? He nods anyway “Mmm, yeah, sure.”

Jungkook wants to yell in excitement now, but he’ll wait for when he’s in the privacy of his home.

He’s in your league too, then!

He can’t help but smile anyway, but you mistake it with him making fun of you, because this is something he could possibly use to embarrass you later on.

“You’re so weird.” you mumble, drifting your gaze somewhere else as if to hide from him.

You make a mental note to threaten him about not revealing this information to any of your friends later on. Right now, it’s actually sort of cute seeing his bunny-like smile.

a/n: i be like “don’t be shy, write some more :)” kssjsjsjsj [roblox death sound] n e way here’s some more pediatrician!jk x gs!reader for y’all this is purely self indulgent at this point but u know what ??? i am at peace with that

[d0llpie]

Tendou x reader

 Part 1    Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

Warnings: angst, mentions of insecurity, self harm (not explicit), sexual assault, ooc ushijima and smut, please let me know if i missed anything

Word count: 2.7k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You woke up and took a shower, as you were getting ready you decided to text Asahi to let him know what you were up to

y/n: Hey Asahi, i'm going out for brunch with a friend, hope you had a good practice and tell the team i said hello :)

Asahi: Who's the friend? Do you have enough money? I can pick you up later if you need

y/n: it's Tendou, the red head we saw on moving day, he's on the boys Volleyball team, it's okay :)

Asahi: Text me after and keep your location on

y/n: i will, love you <3

Asahi: i love you too <3

You put on a black tennis skirt, white collared tee and an oversized navy blue sweater on top. You put on some simple jewellery and make up before tying your (h/l) (h/c) in a half up half down style. After checking yourself in the mirror you wondered if you were too dressed up. You heard a knock on your door which brought you out of your thoughts and you opened to see Tendou. He was wearing black dress pants, a striped long tee with a thin collared jacket and some rings on his hands. His hands. You noticed his defined hands and how attractive they looked decorated with rings.

"N/n-chan.." he pulled you out of your thoughts while he looked you up and down blushing

"Ten-chan, you look great! I thought i might've been dressed up but it seems we have similar style" you smiled sweetly at him, feeling your heart beating faster than usual.

"You look great too, shall we head out?" he smirked grabbing the door handle behind you and closing your dorm door.

The walk to the cafe earned you both many stares as people in the streets gawked at you both who seemed caught up in your own world.

Tendous POV

This was going to be harder than expected, he felt so carefree around you and he wanted to push his doubts away and trust you just wanted to be with him, friend or more, just him. But deep down he doubted you and he hated that he did. You were holding his arm walking, talking mindlessly about different topics, he watched as you rambled on and he felt comfortable being the less energetic friend for once. You matched his energy and for now he was satisfied seeing you be the ball of energy.

"Would you get any piercings ten-chan?" he snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at you who was still clinging to his arm.

"Oh i have my ears pierced i just haven't worn them in a while, see?" he showed the 3 holes in his earlobe and y/n looked up at him surprised with a smile.

"Woah, you should've worn them today" she looked up at him and he searched her eyes for any tell that she was joking, any sign that would give him an excuse to push her away, he found none. They arrived at the cafe and sat in a small booth by the window, the sun catching y/n's hair and making it seem to glow. Tendou looked in adoration as she read the menu, why did you have to be so cute, he was still prepared, prepared to hear you say it, to say that you weren't interested in him and wondered if Ushijima was single. He'd heard it all before and was no longer shocked at the lengths girls had gone to in order to try get with the captain.

"I'll have the french toast and fruit salad please" he looked up at you and realised he hadn't even read the menu yet.

"Uh me too, thank you" he said to the waitress before handing over the menu. He heard y/n chuckle from across the table and shot her a teasing glare.

You watched as Tendou seemed to zone out while staring at you, you wanted to know what he was thinking, after all, being the only two in your dorm building would be difficult if you weren't friends.

"Tendou, are you alright?" you asked sweetly

"I'm great n/n-chan, are you?" he looked relaxed but his eyes gave away that he was avoiding something, he wouldn't even look directly at you

"Sorry if i'm wrong, but i've noticed you tense up a lot and zone out, are you sure you want to hang out with me?" He looked into her eyes and once again saw nothing but sincerity, he was so worried about her using him he had barely spoken to her all day, he hadn't even been trying to consciously push her away but it had become habit. He felt awful

"What? You're amazing i'm just, i guess i was wondering why you wanted to be friends with me" he started twirling the rings on his fingers

"Oh c'mon don't doubt yourself, you're so nice and always take me to practice, plus you're the first friend i've made at this school and your style matches mine, it was just made to be" you said dramatically, looking at the ceiling. He laughed and felt his worry release.

Back at the dorms you asked Tendou what he liked to do and he started talking to you about Shounen Jump, he seemed so excited and you wanted to share that with him

"Could i maybe borrow yours and read it?" you asked

"Yes i'll go get it right now!" his face lit up and he ran off to his dorm room, after a few minutes he ran back and handed it to you, you laughed at his excitement.

"You're beautiful you know that?" he said staring down at you, you blushed and looked up at him not knowing how to respond, before you could he went back to his dorm with a smirk on his face.

y/n: Asahi i'm back at the dorms

Asahi: are you okay? how was brunch?

y/n: it started off a little rocky but it was really fun :)

Asahi: that's great, do you want me to come visit you tomorrow?

y/n: if you're free that'd be cool, i have a question tho

Asahi: what's up?

y/n: back at the dorms Tendou called me beautiful and then just walked away..

Asahi: you cannot get a boyfriend after a week of school y/n

y/n: i never said anything like that

Asahi: introduce me to him tomorrow okay?

y/n: ugh okay, bye <3

Asahi: goodbye <3

You changed into some shorts and top before lying in bed and reading shounen jump. You heard knocking on your door but you snuggled deeper into your bed. You don't remember falling asleep but you remember you were almost finished shounen jump at some ungodly hour in the morning. Asahi was knocking on your door and calling out to you

"y/n open the door" he groaned as he'd been waiting for 10 minutes now

Tendou had woken up to the banging down the hallway and looked out to see Asahi outside your door. He made eye contact with the male and started to worry as he walked towards him, he assumed this was your brother but he seemed frustrated.

"Hi..um Tendou? is it?" he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke to the redhead

"Yep, you're y/n's brother right? the ace?" Asahi looked up at him and smiled,

"Haha yeah i guess, is y/n in her dorm?" he asked

"Yeah she should be" Tendou said before walking towards your dorm with Asahi following. He knocked on the door and heard some shuffling before y/n opened the door.

"Asahi can you relax i'm coming-" you looked up and saw Tendou and blushed before you saw Asahi behind him

"Oh sorry, um, come in" you moved out of the way and they both walked in, Asahi watched tendou before he wrapped you in a bear hug, suffocating you.

"Asahi- let go" you squirmed and laughed as he put you down. Tendou was sitting by your desk holding his shounenjump manga and watching you, he saw how cute you looked in your pyjamas and he smirked, admiring you.

"N/n-chan, did you start reading it yet?" he said snapping you and Asahi out of your greetings.

"I actually finished it last night, that's why i was still asleep this morning" you smiled at him blushing, Asahi noticed.

"n/n-chan?" Asahi looked between you and Tendou.

You both just laughed and Tendou was smiling like crazy, ushiwaka had never read shounen jump and he never had anyone to discuss it with.

Tendou left and you and Asahi started talking

"so y/n, that's Tendou" he started the conversation

"yep, do you like him?" you asked nervously

"well do you?" he suggestively asked, you slapped his arm and rolled your eyes

"We're just friends Asahi, don't worry" you rolled your eyes at him

"But about what i said, he called me beautiful...what do you think he meant?" you looked up at Asahi

"I think he likes you, please get to know him more though, i barely even know him" Asahi sounded protective but you knew he was a big softie that would support you no matter what.

"Thanks Asahi" you smiled

After Asahi left you caught up on some homework, watching more anime than working and took a shower.

Over the next few weeks Tendou let you borrow his Jump magazines and you discussed them when going to and from practice. One of his practice matches was coming up and he invited you to come watch him play, you accepted of course.

At training he would always put his arm around you when talking to his teammates and Semi, the setter, seemed to find it amusing how smug he acted around them. You didn't mind, you enjoyed talking to the boys team and you noticed when tendou would tense up at the interactions you and Ushijima shared. You brushed it off and tried to avoid making Tendou uncomfortable.

At the practice match against some college team you sat with the girls volleyball club, next to Miki the captain and Yachi the setter. You stopped chatting when you noticed the boys team walk in, Tendou looked so laid back especially in comparison to Ushijima who looked more serious than usual, something you thought was impossible. Tendou looked up at you and dramatically waved while smiling, you laughed at him and waved back being just as dramatic. Yachi elbowed you lightly and raised her eyebrow suggestively, you rolled your eyes in return.

You watched as Tendous face changed when he made eye contact with the players in front of him, he was filled with so much intensity and he really did suit the name guess monster. Every spike he went to block he ended up killing it, he was insane. You smiled at him in amazement and he glanced up to see you looking at him from the stands, his heart fluttered and he stared back more demonic looking than ever.

They won both sets easily and as the game ended you ran down to the gym entrance ready to congratulate the team, particularly Tendou. You looked around for the tall redhead as Shirabu and Goshiki walked past, you smiled at them and gave them small congratulations as well as the rest of the team.

Finally Tendou began to approach you with Ushijima and you ran up to him and wrapped your arms around his neck giving him a hug and mumbling congratulations into his chest.

You stepped back after realising how long you'd been hugging him in front of the doorway and you looked up to see him blushing.

'cute' you thought.

"Thanks n/n-chan" he said and you smiled at Ushijima congratulating him too, he smiled back at you earning a shocked look from both you and Tendou.

You waited outside for Tendou to get changed and finish up with team, after he did you walked back towards the dorms. He noticed you started to shiver and he grabbed your hand, enveloping your smaller one in his much larger one. You looked up at him and grabbed his arm, cuddling into his side with your head resting on his shoulder as you walked. Both of you lightly blushing and enjoying each other's company.

"Y/n, do you wanna go out with me this weekend?" Tendou asked squeezing your hand lightly

"Yeah sure where do you wanna go?" you replied obviously not realising what he meant. You both hung out together often and went to the cafe down the road several times a week, but Tendou wanted to take you on a date.

"I was thinking dinner in Tokyo, there's a nice restaurant near my mums work, i've been there before and the prices aren't too bad" he hand subconsciously brought his hands into his jacket pockets, bringing yours with his, you blushed at the gesture.

"Wow Tokyo, that's fancy, are you gonna propose?" you beamed at him dramatically while giggling. He smirked at you and you answered 'yes of course' and you arrived at the dorms a few minutes later.

"Well goodnight n/n-chan thank you for coming to the game" he took his hands out his pockets and noticed he was still holding yours.

"Of course, you really were incredible out there" you said and hugged him again. You felt him tense up against you and you pulled back not wanting to make him uncomfortable but his hands snaked around your waist and pulled you back in as he held your head. You wrapped your arms around him and smiled into his chest.

"Goodnight ten-chan" you looked up at him before walking back to your dorm room feeling excited for your date in the city. A date. You hadn't confirmed if it was a date or not, you didn't want to assume so you decided to text him after your shower.

y/n: Hey Tendou

Tendou: Already miss me?

y/n: shut up

Tendou: hahaha whats up?

y/n: so this weekend..is it a date?

Tendou: Do you want it to be?

y/n: Do you have you answer everything with a question :(

Tendou: Alright, lets call it a date :)

y/n: okay :)), also i finished your other shounen jump can i borrow the next one pleaaseee <3

Tendou: Of course n/n-chan, i can bring it over now if you're too impatient to wait ;)

y/n: >:(

Tendou: i'm kidding i'll bring it to you now :)

Not long after their conversation y/n heard a knock on her door and she opened it excitedly and invited Tendou inside. He stood awkwardly by her desk while she grabbed his last copy

"Tendou.." you looked at him with a scared expression and he began to worry

"please tell me he isn't dead" you looked up at him dramatically while gripping his weekly jump copy. He relaxed and began to laugh at you, he'd never had anyone to discuss his interests with besides volleyball, and with you he could discuss both freely.

"You'll have to find out-" he was cut off by your snatching the next copy out of his hands and running to your bed, he giggled and began to leave when you looked up at him

"Don't you wanna see if he dies?" you knew he knew the outcome but you wanted to talk to him about it and he knew this too, he turned around and hesitantly sat on ur bed and watched you read.

After a while Tendou was sitting against your headboard and you were in between his legs with your back to his chest reading the manga. He was following along the storyline occasionally and playing with your hair absentmindedly. It was around 3am when he noticed you slump further down, you had fallen asleep.

He watched for a while as you slept in his arms, your chest rising a falling peacefully, he knew he should head back to his room so you wouldn't be startled when you woke up so he lay you down under the covers and grabbed the manga from your hand placing it next to your bed. He pressed a small kiss to the top of your head before returning to his room and falling asleep.

[charlthotte]

Breaking Through The Iron Wall - Aone Takanobu x Reader

Chapter 4

The squeak of trainers stubbing themselves on the gym floor echoed throughout the massive establishment. Around a dozen boys in volleyball uniforms were scattered around the court, spiking and blocking balls with ungodly strength. It was truly mesmerising seeing a spherical piece of foam being smashed around the court at an immense velocity, even when their hands met with the ball - the force didn't phase them one bit. That was truly amazing.

Futakuchi must have noticed myself and Aone entering the gym through the corner of his eye, he immediately dropped the ball he held in his hands. Soon, his annoying smirk regained its composure upon his face. "What is their highness doing here? We are but a simple sports club, after all." That boy seemed to poke bucket loads of fun out of messing with people. Tired of his jests, I folded my arms and sighed, feeling rather ticked off my his words. At that moment, Aone must have sent him a look, as Futakuchi soon came to his senses and asked me a question. A question that was certainly very out of the blue. "So... Your highness, it seems that our team is in need of a manager; seeing as though our last manager - Nametsu - is in Greece because of a foreign exchange program."

"And what am I meant to do about that?" I replied curtly.

"Well, pretty, pretty please could you be our new manager?" He spoke in the voice of a little girl, furiously batting his eyelashes whilst swaying from side to side, with his hands cupping his face.

"I'm sorry but I don't know much about volleyball. Wouldn't someone else be better at the job other than me?" I inquired, seriously confused.

"However, I do see that Aone was the one to bring you here, and you wouldn't want to disappoint him, would you? Futakuchi's face switched from that of a child to his devilish smirk, knowing the right buttons to press in order for me to accept his offer.

"Wouldn't you need the captain's approval first?" I asked, trying to worm my way out of being the manager in any way possible. "Or the coach?"

He snickered, "I see what you're doing. Moniwa! Coach Oiwake! Come here!" He belted across the gym, beckoning his hands towards himself. A boy with choppy, black hair wearing the number 2 and a man with his hair slicked back with a stern disposition made their ways towards Futakuchi. There weren't going to be any chances for escape after that.

The captain seemed as if he didn't want to entertain Futakuchi and what he was going to say. Everyone was probably thinking that too.

"Captain..." Futakuchi cooed, falling into his childlike state again, "Don't you think it'd be great if this person here became our manager, they've already met Aone and myself?"

"Don't ask me leading questions, Futakuchi. It is their choice to join anyway." The captain turned towards me, shooting me a look of compassion. I did need to join a club, but none I had came across interested me. If I did want to join, I would have already known people, which was obviously a bonus. Pondering for a little longer, I wondered what clubs Hiroko and Rea did? Surely they'd be less demanding than being a manager. Futakuchi also wouldn't be a part of their clubs. Seeing his grimace each day, would have surely drained me.

I nodded in appreciation towards the captain. "Thank you. I'm not acquainted with the rules of volleyball, so I don't think I'd be the best fit."

Once again, Futakuchi started to open his mouth, "But Moniwa! There hasn't been a single other applicant for the position, and we could teach them over time." I could tell he wasn't going to give up anytime soon, the thought of that and how draining his consistent begging would be, I began to cave. 

"Maybe you could give me until tomorrow to think about it? I think I'd make the better decision if I think it over properly" However, I knew all too well that no would probably still had been the answer.

"Yeah, that's completely fine. I'm Moniwa Kaname by the way." He held out his hand before me.

"Thanks, (L/N) (F/N)." I then took his hand in mine and shook it, and his grip was certainly more intense than any I had felt before. "Goodbye, I'll see you tomorrow." I swiftly turned around and headed for the outside, wanting to be out of that situation.

And of course, Futakuchi had one more thing to say, "You better say yes, your highness!" Turning around again, my face met his and glared at him, and I ushered him away with a curt wave of my hand. That thing was infuriating. I tried to keep my walking at its fastest pace possible so I wouldn't be in view of the gym anymore. From checking my watch I noticed I had a decent amount of time before my train came, so maybe I'd do a bit more reading when I arrived at the station. 

Walking down, my velocity was set at a mere saunter compared to the jog this morning, the afternoon air hitting my face making me feel somewhat refreshed. My head remained empty for the rest of my stroll, there was no need to think, I was walking down the path solitaire - just admiring whatever new things came into my view. Seeing as though, I didn't really get the chance to that morning. This place was just a completely different world compared to my last hometown. 

After arriving at the station, I set my bag down beside me and fumbled around inside it for my book. I had read quite a large portion of its contents earlier, the new page about the oak-leaved geranium. Giving it to someone would mean that you believe that your friendship with the recipient was true, so true that your bond could never be broken. It could also mean that you believe that your friendship outshines every other one in existence. Once again, I thought how beautiful it was that something so powerful could be expressed with something so delicate, something that could easily die if not taken care of. Maybe that was the whole concept behind the language, if you let the flower die - the meaning of the flower would die with it. I sat in thought for minutes more, contemplating the meaning of things we can and could say.

Not so long into the future, the train pulled up. Sparsely packed and there didn't seem to be anything wrong with the vehicle's integrity, quite a pleasant situation - given the shenanigans of the earlier hours of the day. I plonked my body down onto a seat by myself, gazing out the window, this time my thoughts interrupted by the choice I had to make. 'Should I join? But what if there's a person better fitted to the job and they don't get the chance. After all, their original manager was still joined onto the club, she could still come back. But that meant my job wouldn't last that long." I thought to myself, waffling on and on inside my head - almost panicking in a place where nobody could hear. I just couldn't seem to calm my subconscious down by even one peg. I regret to say that the rest of the journey, my mind stayed locked in the state of internal pandaemonium. 

I hopped off the train, my head still stirring inside of me. I didn't even acknowledge my parents when I came through the door, I simply clambered up the stairs and flopped straight onto my bed, my head drowned into my pillow. Only coming out for air when I realised what I had said to myself earlier. I'd simply ask Hiroko what clubs her and Rea were in. Propping myself upon my headboard, I typed the digits I had been given by Hiroko.

"Hey Hiroko. It's (Y/N), just a quick question. What clubs are you and Rea in?"

-

It barely took her thirty seconds to reply.

-

"Hey!!!!!! I'm with Rea right now! She is in the computing club but she ditches everyday :( I'm in the rowing club but we can't take anymore members. Why'd you ask?

"I've been asked to manage the boys' volleyball team, but I don't really want to."

"OMG!!! That's so cool! Imagine managing a team that's practically famous!"

-

Famous? Why would a public school like Date Tech be famous? I thought that was a little weird, so I questioned Hiroko about it.

-

"Famous?"

"Didn't you know?!?! They're basically famous in Miyagi for their iron wall of blocks!!"

"Oh, that's pretty cool I guess. Sorry for troubling you."

"No problem! See you later!"

-

I thought that it may be cool to manage a 'famous' team, and I wouldn't be the one playing the sport everyday. All I'd have to do was put little things together and keep players like Futakuchi in check. After all, my plan of joining a club with Rea and Hiroko wasn't going to work at all, maybe I'd even get to miss school to go to their matches. I did have to join a club at some point, and there weren't any that caught my attention. Even if I didn't like it - I'd only have to stay until their actual manager got back from Greece.

Didn't Futakuchi say something about disappointing Aone?

"However, I do see that Aone was the one to bring you here, and you wouldn't want to disappoint him would you?"

Did he really mean that? I hadn't even known Aone for 24 hours - wouldn't disappointing him in that way seem strange? But, from what I'd seen Futakuchi do; he was probably just trying to pull my strings for himself. But why was he even trying to do that in the first place? Was he really that desperate for a manager?

I took one deep breath in, attempting to not let the questions drown me again. But other than the grimace, were there really any negatives that came with being their manager? Maybe being their manager would be a good thing to me...

And that's exactly what I was going to do.

[yoondoze]

if | myg

letter #1 | letter #2 | letter #3

listen to: the 1975 - anobrain / please be naked

wc: 2k

a/n: warnings are absent in order to not spoil, but it’s heavy angst. if you need them, just message me and i’ll happily let you know. pay close attention to the formatting as to not be confused <3

Maybe it's just him, but the winds seem a bit warmer today.

The air is fresh and inviting as Yoongi steps outside his apartment. It's not something he does more often than he needs, but today is a special day. It's your birthday, and he wouldn't miss it for the world, despite his heavy heart.

He takes his time on his walk to the train station. It's not all that crowded for a Tuesday afternoon. He supposes that the typical throngs of people who would usually be here have come and gone already, much earlier than him. 

The world he sees through the train window isn't awful. He knows you would berate him for being so pessimistic, but you haven't been there to remind him of that in a while.

"Dear Y/N,

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who remembers you."

Your laugh is Yoongi's favorite sound, he decides. It's versatile and comes in so many forms yet every single one manages to light up his heart in a way no one else's can. The shy ones when he compliments you, the hearty ones when he fumbles over his words and accidentally creates a new language, the laughs in between syllables as you call him a motherfucker after making a joke at your expense.

It's music to his ears, much more so than the bass-heavy songs pumping from the house party across the street. He didn't really want to come in the first place, but the smile on your face when he agreed was priceless. Saying no would be a serious, inhumane offense he'd never be able to forgive himself for.

"I know it's been a while, but it just feels so strange to me how people can move on with their lives so easily. I think maybe they just never suffered a loss as great as you. Because as lovely and wonderful as you are to have around, it hurts so much more when you leave.

Will there ever come a day that I don't cry when I think about you? As much as it hurts, I hope never do, because that will mean that I've moved on."

As he gets closer to home, the sun peeks out further and further from behind the clouds. Sooner than later, he is passing through the town. If he reaches deep into his memories, he can picture you standing on every street corner and every crosswalk and every doorstep he passes.

"At the very least, there is a place that remembers our love, even if it wasn't explicit. The train tracks behind your house, the playground of my old school, the convenience store in the corner of town we always snuck out to together. The people that walk there now have no clue about you or me or us, but the footsteps are embedded in the concrete, even if just barely, as proof. Traces of you linger there."

He helps you out of the car, balancing you on your heels in the grass, before taking your hand in his and pulling you across the pavement. His hair bounces as he looks from side to side every step of the way to be extra careful.

Inside, he weaves through the crowd with you. It's only a slight disappointment when you tug him back to say hi to almost every person you see. All he can give them is a timid wave, but it's alright because you make up for his silence with everything you have to say. You're practically bursting at the seams with eager words at every instance - the two of you balance each other well.

"I'm doing okay now. I moved because I felt suffocated back home after what happened. It doesn't mean I've forgotten you - I hope you understand. I could never."

When Yoongi's friends find him, slinging their arms around his shoulders half-drunk, you take your cue to leave. You shoot him a look that says something along the lines of, "you'll be okay?" and he offers a minuscule nod that responds, "always am." 

He spends the night with the guys while he wishes he was spending it with you. Sure, you could compare the two and accurately say that you get just as rowdy as they do when drunk, but Yoongi thinks you're much more fun to be around. Things being what they are, he has been preferring your presence over anyone else's recently.

He could name detail after detail that he likes about you and wouldn't reach the bottom of the list in a million years. As to not embarrass you, though, he won't.

Regardless, he tries to enjoy himself. He catches your eyes every so often but keeps his distance out of fear of smothering you, entirely unaware that it's not something you would mind.

What bothers him, though, is when your friends start to egg you on in talking to some hotshot baseball player. Not one to be the jealous type, but it's a different story when it comes to you. And to baseball players. He stands in the kitchen, glancing over the rim of his red solo cup, while you push them off and beg them to stop bringing attention to your corner of the living room.

However, drunk girls are overtly supportive and full of encouragement of one another, so of course you end up talking to him. When his cup starts to cave in under his fierce grip, he knows it's time for him to exit the scene. He hits the bathroom upstairs to cool down.

"It's lonely without you with me. I always imagined that we would be together when we went to college and moved to the city and got married and that one day, we'd be neighbors and our kids would end up being friends. That is, if we didn't have them together.

And honestly, maybe we could have. We'll never know for sure, but I have a feeling."

It's only a minute after he shuts himself in does he open it up to your knocking.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

He shrugs. "Nothing, why?"

Your eyes narrow at him skeptically. "I don't know. I just saw you leave really quick." You hop up onto the bathroom counter and Yoongi leans his hip against it to face you.

To be honest, he's a little drunk. He didn't mean to as he intended on driving home, but he got a little caught up without you there to manage him. Therefore, his world is moving a little slow. Not too much to be incomprehensible, but enough that he has to take a second to buffer.

He takes up an interest in the sink between you and him, leaning back on his hands. 

"Is it about the guy downstairs?" you ask, holding back a cheeky smile. "My friends were just being annoying. All I did was say hi to make them happy."

Yoongi wants to say that it wasn't about that, wants to deny your assumption that he was jealous, wants to dismiss there being anything between the both of you that would make him feel that way in the first place. He doesn't, though, because you're right, despite how nervous it makes him that you've figured out as much.

"As one of your favorite quotes proclaims, love transcends time and space. I think it also transcends existence. Because wherever you may be, or where I may be, I love you still."

But then it hits him that you've not only figured it out, but you've just now acknowledged it. And it didn't seem like you were upset.

"I never told you, but I think you already knew."

Before he can point it out, you're leaning in to kiss him. One of your hands slides up to the nape of his neck, gentle fingers carding through his hair, and the other rests lightly on his collarbone. It's soft and sweet. Fruit punch lingers on your lips, and he only realizes he's supposed to be reciprocating when you break apart from him.

"Um, I-," you sputter, shaking your head. It starts to feel like a mistake, like you were too bold, but then Yoongi goes into full gear again, hands on your waist pulling you back in. This time it's your turn to be stunned, but it fades much quicker. 

A fit of excitement bubbles out of you in the form of a laugh, and Yoongi savors every second. It feels like his dreams are coming true. There's not a doubt in his mind that you like him back now. everything he's been overthinking for the past year was real, after all.

If only he confessed sooner.

"We were us."

He sighs, falling into step across the barren grass. Unfortunately, he knows this path far too well. His body gets him to where he needs to be while his mind wanders. 

"And it was so special to feel."

You both agree it's time to leave and the roles have reversed as you now lead him through the crowd. He holds tight to your hand and is even hesitant to let go when you have to push him into the passenger seat and go around to the other side.

You'd driven his car more than once, and considering you were basically sober at this point, it was a no brainer. Deciding you want a little more time before parting ways, you take the backroads, twisting and winding between the trees, so thick that you can't see what lies on the other side of the turn.

"From the moment we're born, we're destined to die. I know that. That's how it is for everyone. The one thing you can be sure of in life is death. The form you might not know, but you are guaranteed it's coming. The day I expected it most, you lived. The day I expected it the least, you didn't.

But sometimes I wonder if I could have done anything. Looking back, I knew what you were doing. I wish I knew what you were thinking. sometimes, I think I already know."

A bright light flashes from around the bend all too quickly.

You always saw three steps ahead, didn't you? It's that sixth sense. I think you resigned yourself to what was going to happen before I even had a clue. Maybe you saw it being me and it ruined you. Maybe you saw it being you, and despite the fear, there was purpose. You talked about not having it so often, but here it was. So confidently, purpose."

There's the drawn-out bellow of a horn and your arm flies out in front of Yoongi's chest. There's not enough time to break.

"Is that moral obligation? Is that destiny? A finite human making a split decision?"

He reaches over to grab the wheel, but you've already committed, hard swerving to the right. He hears himself yell, and then glass is shattering and tires are screeching as your side of the car takes the brunt of the crash.

"Or is it you loving me?"

His feet stand still at the base of your grave. With delicate hands, he nestles the bundle of envelopes between the lillies he's brought for you.

He knows you won't be able to read them. A part of him, however, hopes that maybe you were reading it all over his shoulder when he wrote it. Maybe you can feel it. Maybe you can hear it when he says it in his mind. You were able to when you were alive, so why couldn't you do the same now?

It's been years, but each memory of you is vivid in his mind. How could it not be, when every good thing he sees reminds him of you? When he relives that moment every day?

"If I could go back in time to save you, I would.

But then again,

would you let me?"

[harryandmolly]

Complicit // 8

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, NSFW (the kind that anon politely asked me not to write but I did it anyway -- this is your warning, sweet friend), alarming tenderness... and what comes after

WC: 6.9k

----------

S.M.: Can I ask you for something?

Penny wakes up to see a text sent at 2:30am on the morning of her day date with Shawn. He requested the day date specifically -- he’s been in Europe for a week for a festival in Helsinki and his body clock is so fucked up he feels sick when he tries to figure out what day it is.

He has the day to himself before he has a Bex outing planned for that evening -- drinks at The Nice Guy, some kissing and maybe a little minor groping outside the cars as they leave conspicuously together. He wants to spend those hours before, his hours, with Penny.

Orthodontist: You may.

S.M.: Can we be cozy? I want to see you but I’m fucking wiped out. Cozy sweats day?

Penny frowns at the frantic tugging in her gut, the one Silver trained to save her from something all escorts go through at one point or another, the one that should make her wary of the potential intimacy of something like this. Penny clears her throat and lets her thumbs fly.

Orthodontist: Of course. See you soon.

She’s paid to give the client what they want. If they want the girlfriend experience, that’s what she’ll do. It’s not unique to Shawn, anyway. Plenty of clients have asked for lower key dates once they get comfortable with her. She understands that, the need for that kind of comfort. She used to need that, too.

But the tugging reminds her of the other circumstance. Shawn requested a house call. Again, not unique to him at all. But she has this funny feeling that if Silver took a look at her schedule and saw the date herself, she’d make that carefully concerned-but-not-too-concerned-because-you’re-a-grown-up-and-my-business-partner face. She loves Silver endlessly, but that face makes her feel small.

Penny shakes her head, but just minutely in case he’s watching her walk up through the window. She focuses on the date, on being prepared for whatever he may need from her when she walks through that door.

Client’s needs. Client’s needs.

Penny lets it take over like a mantra as she parks her normal car, the leased white 2021 Passat, beside his Tesla in his driveway like she’s done it a million times. She walks up the steps and rings the doorbell, tucking her hands into the front pocket of her Ivy Park hoodie, trying to look anywhere but right at his front door.

When it swings open, she feels like her heart has spilled out onto her shoes. He’s in a pair of green and blue plaid pajama pants that are inexplicably a little long and pooling around his ankles, despite his impressive height, and a big, loose t-shirt. His hair is wet. He smells like warm soap. His smile is soft and flat. He stands aside to let her in.

“Hi, Penny.”

She hides the full body shiver by doing a quick turn like she’s interested in looking around his foyer. She plasters on a smile.

She’s in his house.

“Hi, Shawn.”

He reaches a hand for her. She knows it’ll be soft and hot from his shower. She braces herself to take it. He tugs her forward, the corner of his mouth lifting as he pulls her in for a kiss. She nearly trips into him, her Ugg moccasins bumping into his bare toes as his nose nudges hers and it’s so startlingly intimate that she purrs into his mouth like he’s not paying for her time.

He curls his hands around her hips and starts to lead her into the house. She follows, taking tiny steps between his feet as he continues kissing her -- quick, open-mouthed kisses.

“Can I just keep kissing you for a while?” he asks, his teeth clanging against hers as he smiles, his eyes shut. She gives him a breathy hum and a nod in response. He guides them through his house blind, ignorant of her curious eyes scanning the area as they go. Her hand rises from his shoulder to cup the back of his head just before it smacks into his closed bedroom door.

He grunts, reaching for the handle to let them in. It’s dark inside -- he’s got those good blackout curtains, the heavy ones that turn any room into a cave. It’s pleasantly cool with a haphazardly made up squishy gray duvet on the bed, nondescript but cozy. Shawn reaches for a lamp on the dresser and it casts the room in a warm orange glaze of light. He sighs contentedly on the way back to her lips. She feels it in her bones as she wraps around him.

She steps out of her moccasins to rise higher on her toes to meet him. His hands wander, curiously, not hungrily, over the worn cotton surface of her hoodie. He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls her in, tucking her around him to straddle him. Penny goes willingly, settling low enough on his thighs that she’s not plastered up against him, but perched comfortably in his lap.

Penny gives Shawn a breather by tucking kisses down his jaw and into his neck. The marks she left last time have all faded back into lightly bronzed summer skin. She kisses and sucks gently, not enough to bruise. Shawn’s fingers twist into the ends of her hair, pulling more teasingly than desperately.

Over his shoulder she spies several ripped up citrus peels on his night stand -- tangerines, she thinks. They have extra bits of pith picked off and spread on top. They explain the bright fruity taste of his mouth. 

Penny closes her eyes again and feels him shiver as her teeth graze his jugular. She thinks she could’ve lived without knowing he peels the extra bits of pith off his citrus.

Penny separates from his wet skin with a deep inhale, pressing her hands into his chest to push him back. He goes with a soft smile. Her good boy knows better than to grab at her to drag her with him.

She folds herself over him, gazing between his lips and his flooded brown eyes when he stops her, grunting a little as he raises his chin.

“Where did all these come from?”

He’s staring up at her in wonder, just below her eyes. Her brow furrows. She leans onto one hand to lift her fingers up to graze her nose.

“My freckles?

He beams so wide and lazy it makes her smile too without knowing what they’re grinning about.

“Yeah. You’ve been hiding these under makeup?”

She shrugs.

He lets his eyes trail over the course of them -- a heavy sprinkle over her nose and cheekbones, growing sparse and light down her cheeks.

Shawn closes his eyes and sighs. “Didn’t think you could get prettier.”

Penny dips her head to kiss the spot between his collarbones, tugging at the collar of his shirt to reach it.

���How was Finland?” she finally stammers, needing to put something between them and… this.

“Weirdly hot. And the food was really good.”

She doesn’t bother to point out that she’s been there with the Aston Martin guy. Instead, she nods and watches his blinks get slower and slower. 

She wets her lips. “It must’ve been nice to have a break.”

His eyes refocus on her. He stares questioningly.

“From the American press, I mean. I’ve seen a lot of you and Bex lately. Which I guess means that’s going the way it was planned.”

She doesn’t sound bitter or flippant, just matter-of-fact. Shawn ignores the tiny voice that wishes he could accuse her of jealousy. He knows he wouldn’t like her response if he did.

“Yeah,” he hums, “Her album sales have gone up. Mine are projected to be… pretty good.”

He’s being modest. His album is one of the single most anticipated releases of the fall. But thinking about that makes him want to throw up so he chooses to suck on her bottom lip again, re-memorize the little dip in the middle where he likes to flick his tongue.

“It’s ok, you know,” she breathes after he pulls back, “That you don’t want to talk about it with me. I understand it’s… maybe confusing.”

Shawn shakes his head. “It’s not that. Honestly, I’m better talking about it with you than anyone else. I know you’d never judge me.”

She smiles, a little warm, a little sad. “It’s true. The prostitute can’t be throwing stones at any glass… anything.”

Shawn actually chuckles. It’s odd how quickly it happened, but he’s long since gotten used to the notion that she’s a paid sex worker. He probably got over it somewhere around the third orgasm. He knows what Niall meant now about it being like a form of therapy. The stigma doesn’t bother him like it once did.

He lowers his gaze to the strings on her hoodie. “I guess I just like mostly pretending it’s not happening. It’s not… it’s not like I’m miserable around her. She’s a nice girl, she’s fun. But I built a whole relationship with my fans on always being honest. I told them everything, I promised I always would. I gave them everything. Because they’ve given me everything.”

Penny nods. “You made those promises as a teenager. Your life hasn’t been simple in a long time, but it sure as hell was simpler then. You’re a grown man now. No real adult’s life is so easily lived in the spotlight. I know you know that, you’ve lived through some of that already. The rest of the world has to figure out how to deal with you now, how to approach you differently. I don’t think they’ll need much more time. The Bex thing, as much as I know it makes you squirm, it’s working.”

Shawn closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath, feeling it rattle in his chest as tears threaten. He’s so fucking tired.

“It’s working,” he agrees in a croak.

Penny knows enough to move on now. She slides up his body so their heads are level. She teases his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.

“Your bed is comfy,” she coos, rocking from side to side with a grin.

Shawn seems grateful for the distraction. “You like it?”

“I do. Your place is nice. It’s big but cozy, like you.”

Shawn smiles, releases a little chuckle through his nose. “It’s nice like this… with you. In sweats and t-shirts, just… y’know. It’s easy.”

Penny’s smile grows a little dangerous in that way he loves. “Who said I was gonna make it easy, baby?”

Shawn groans. “You never do. It’s what I like about you.”

Penny purrs, ducking her face back into his neck, on the other side this time as he cradles her. Her fingers sneak up under his shirt, teasing the soft hair on his stomach that trails into his pajama pants. He releases a breath into her hair as his muscles contract.

“What can I do for you, baby? What would you like?”

She usually chooses for them. He usually wants her to. But she must have sensed that he was holding back, wanting to ask. He sighs.

“In the shower I was thinking about… after the cock ring. What we did after.”

Penny’s eyebrows raise. Her heart picks up pace against her ribs. She stays cool and purses her lips.

“What was it we did after, Shawn?”

Shawn’s cheeks start to flush. He rolls his eyes. “You want me to tell you I want you to fuck me in the ass?”

Penny’s eyes go bright with delighted shock. She laughs, “That’s exactly what I want.”

Shawn, never one to deny Penny what she wants, manages to get his mouth around the words, his eyes sliding shut. “I want it, Pen. I want to take your cock like a good boy.”

Penny growls before he even gets the words out. She drops her weight against him, rocking her hips automatically in a way that gets him groaning into her plundering mouth. Before they can get too lost in their almost teenage humping, warmth trapped under layers of clothes, Penny straightens up on her arms, perched over him.

“Did you get ready for it in the shower?”

He nods and glances around his room like he’s just realized something.

“Where’s your suitcase?”

She grins. “I traveled light today. I brought a purse.”

He eyes her. “You… have a strap on in your Prada bag?”

Penny tilts her head. “I’m always prepared.”

She sits up in his lap and stretches her arms up, shedding the bulky hoodie, bare underneath. Shawn whines so loud his torso clenches. 

He pants, “Can I touch your nipples?”

Penny nods, continuing her hips’ assault against his. She rolls against him, feeling him go fully hard under the thin flannel fabric of his pants, angling herself so his cock slips against her swollen cunt through her leggings. Shawn’s hands go straight to her breasts, cupping their fullness and positioning his thumbs right over her hard buds, the ones he treated so well he made her come without touching her perfect pussy. He smirks at the memory.

“Thinking about it, baby? About how hard you had me coming just with your pretty mouth on my tits?”

Shawn’s head falls back as he mewls. He loves it when she gets mouthy like this. She’s excited, he can feel it. He thinks maybe she likes pegging him as much as he likes being pegged by her.

Shawn scrapes the tips of his fingernails against her nipples like she likes and it’s like striking a match. Her back stiffens, she groans, loud and deep. He watches them go diamond hard between his fingers, squeezing a little just to get a last dirty thrust of her hips against his before she really goes to work on him. She knows his game and gives him a crooked grin. 

“Are you gonna be a good boy or a brat?”

Shawn’s pearly teeth sink into his swollen, wet lip. He nods. “I’ll be so good, Pen. Gonna be your good boy. The best.”

Her lips twitch. She blinks quickly, startled with the words that almost come slipping out of her mouth.

You’re already the best I’ve ever had.

Penny lays her hands over his much larger ones on her chest and peels them away, dropping them beside his cherubic curls. She moves her hands down to rest against the firm stillness of his chest, his steady heartbeat singing for her. His fingers twitch but he remains quiet beneath her, watching her, wondering about her.

Her fingers stretch and relax, scrunching at the fabric of his t-shirt. He lifts his hips invitingly, just grazing her, offering himself to her. Like in case she forgot how much he wants her and needs her, he’s there to remind her.

Penny lowers herself against him slowly and flips them, his arm tucked beneath her, his knees bracketing her legs to hold his weight. She reaches down and lifts the hem of his shirt, wriggling him out of it. She’s hit with a wall of him, warm naked chest and the perfectly Shawn scent that comes with it. It’s the purest version -- devoid of cologne or weed or the incense Cez sometimes burns. It’s his soap, his breath, his shampoo, his skin. She gasps greedy lungfuls, sinking her hands into the easily defined ridges of his back as she grapples with a way to steady herself.

She closes her eyes away from his prying ones and pushes her hands down his hips to shove at the fabric of his pajama pants. With a few heavy grunts, he manages to slip out of those, too, his old plaid boxers going with them. He fights to keep himself from grinding down against her. He can smell how wet she is for him already through her leggings. He slams his eyes shut and struggles to breathe.

He opens them again when he hears her shuffling around beneath him. In a squirm of fabric and freckled skin, she sheds her leggings and whatever panties she had on beneath. For once, he finds he doesn’t care what they look like. He just aches at the sight of her bare and wet, her limbs threading around him like sun-darkened vines.

“How are you always so tan?” he breathes, his mouth tugging up at the corner. Penny grins lazily, her eyes heavy.

“I sunbathe naked on my patio while I listen to audiobooks.”

Shawn is seized by the image, at once so, so painfully sexy and somehow also domestic and warm, like if he spent a few seconds longer with it he could imagine being back there with her, sharing a bottle of wine, playing his guitar for her.

But he definitely doesn’t let himself get that far.

Instead, he buries his face in her neck and inhales. “Fucking gorgeous.”

Penny brings a hand firmly down his spine from his neck to his lower back, squeezing for his attention. “Hold on a second.”

Shawn eases back, blinking curiously. Penny slides out from beneath him. On little brown tiptoes, she hops to the window and peeks out curiously. Once she’s had a look, she glances back over her shoulder at him. His brow lifts.

Penny lifts back the curtains, flooding the room in midday Californian sun. Shawn winces and blinks, turning his cheek. She tucks the curtains back, revealing his view, the rolling, blank green of the Hollywood Hills. Shawn’s lips part like he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t. Penny turns to face him.

“I want to see you in the sunlight.”

Shawn trembles with a shiver as she approaches the bed slowly, perching on the end, cupping his cheek so her thumb runs along the lower edge of his cheekbone. 

He can see every freckle. He can see every little smile line. He can see a little ridge-like scar on her temple that he doesn’t know the story of. He can see the way her skin glows like she’s absorbing the sunlight she craved for him. He can see everything.

And so can she. The only natural light she’s seen him in has been cloudy, dusky, early morning light that lovers sleep through, or shrouded by curtains that forgive the sharp edges of shadows and direct sun. She left no room for it here. She can’t believe she never noticed how pink he is, all over. She’s seen it in his cheeks and chest, and on occasion in the skin she’s abused to the point of sweet red welts, but never like this where she gets to see the true permanent almost-blush that sits ready under the surface at all times. It’s breathtaking.

They both know they’re spending too much time openly studying each other, but the opportunity is too tempting to ignore. It’s Penny that breaks first, dropping kisses into his shoulder as she crawls over him, pressing him back into the mattress with a deep sigh.

Through the soft graze of his chest hair, she flicks at his hard little nipples with her tongue, enjoying the way he arches into her with a little huff of air. She keeps on, nose brushing all the petal pink skin she finds on her way down, punctuating with wet presses of her lips until she reaches the dark swirls of pubic hair that trail from his navel downward. His chest shudders hard as her breath displaces the hair and her hands find the soft insides of his thighs to push them apart for her to settle between. His cock twitches with interest, just gone fully hard against his stomach. She brushes her lips along the shaft, lips parted in a curious smile. Her hand reaches back to the bench off the foot of the bed. Shawn’s eyes snap shut at the sound of the bottle of lube opening and shutting. 

Penny’s lips are followed by just the tip of her tongue. Her tracing is gentle, intimate like the touch of a finger along the throbbing vein, then to the sensitive head of his cock. Her fingers warm the lube between them with audible wet strokes that make Shawn’s brows pull together in anticipation.

Her lips join her tongue again at the base of his cock. Her fingertips press gently against his perineum. His inhale sizzles through his nose loudly. She rubs little circles, firming up in pressure as her mouth moves in a wet pattern up to the head of his cock. It slips between her lips. Shawn’s fingers sink into the squish of his duvet.

“Fuck,” he breathes in disbelief, lifting his knees to plant his feet before she can ask him to. 

She works her tongue in swirls around the head of his cock as her fingers draw the same motion around his hole. Just as she slurps at his tip, she sinks a finger in to the first knuckle.

Shawn sighs comfortably, less tense now than he was when they first began exploring this together. She slips it in and out a few times before burying it further. His head tips back and draws out a moan that’s as honest and selfless as she’s ever heard him. It urges her on.

As Penny curls her finger, stroking upward, Shawn loses himself further. He turns his cheek against the pillow, nuzzling as he presses his ass into the bed. His dark eyes fixate on her, on the way she watches him when she slides a second lubed finger inside him, moving so preciously slowly, treating him with so much care it sucks the breath out of his lungs into more breathy moans. She alternates attending to the head of his cock with her wet mouth and pressing kisses to his shaft, keeping the main focus on the talent of her perfect little fingers. She scissors them apart slightly, stretching him to get ready for the toy, grinning at the way his toes curl.

“Penny, baby, feels so good,” he grunts, shaking his head in disbelief. She hums her agreement. She has her own fondness for this, feeling the tight, welcoming warmth with him, feeling the trust grow ever stronger as he puts more of himself in her care with each breath.

Penny licks a drop of precome from his tip and watches her free hand spread to trail up his chest and rest over his heart. It’s thrumming hard, not too hard, not enough to make her back off for fear of ending it early. She wants to take this time nice and slow for him now that he knows how much he likes it and asked her for it. She focuses the press of her thumb into his perineum while her fingers flex and curl.

“Fucking… yeah, Penny, Jesus,” he pants slightly, fisting the sheets on either side of him. She can feel and see the sheen of sweet sweat on his chest and abdomen. He’s almost ready.

“Baby,” she breathes, her voice hoarse from disuse and the weight of her own arousal, “You want my cock?”

He’s not so bashful this time as the first time she asked. He nods first, closing his eyes to find his voice.

“Baby, Penny, please. Fuck me.”

Her toes curl in anticipation. She rolls her hips needily into the bed. Shawn watches with a growling moan. His body protests the careful removal of her fingers and she knows he wants his hands on his aching cock but one look from her reminds him she hasn’t given him permission. Instead he squirms against the bed watching her lift the strap on harness out of the pouch and step into it. Her wetness makes a sound as she separates her legs. She bites her lip at his eager gasp.

“Nice and wet, Pen? Gon-gonna come when you fuck me?”

She tightens the harness around her hips and thighs and considers him through heavy lidded eyes. She flips her feathery dark hair out of her face and cups her fist around the base of the dark green silicone toy.

“Would you like that? Wanna feel me come with you?” Her breath breaks off at the end. Shawn lifts his head and nods again, more fervently.

“Baby, I always want to feel you come. I need to make you come. Please.”

Penny feels his urgency and steps to the end of the bed, reaching for the bottle again. She slicks the toy down with a generous handful of lube. Shawn pokes the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he watches, knees still bent, legs still spread. 

As she lifts a knee onto the end of the mattress, Shawn comes up on his elbows and readies to turn over. She reaches out and grabs his leg to stop him. The first time she took him like this, he was on his knees with her behind him. He’s surprised when she has him lift his hips to settle a pillow beneath them and angle him up toward her. She pulls his thick thighs over hers and nudges him with the head of the slick toy. He exhales slowly, nodding.

Penny goes perfectly slow for him, watching the flutter of his lashes as he adjusts to the fit of it inside him. She sinks gently until she’s buried, her hips snug against his thighs. Shawn focuses on his breathing and the way the ends of her hair tickle his chest as she leans forward.

Penny eases her hips through a circular motion that has the toy grinding into him a little harder. His eyes fall shut. He whines, high and sweet.

“Yeah, baby?” she coos.

“So good,” Shawn sighs, opening his eyes again when he feels her thumbs rubbing similar circles into the insides of his thighs. He’s noticed she has a thing for matching patterns in the way she touches him to heighten sensation. He offers her a lazy, fucked-out grin as she continues the slow sway of her hips.

“Have you ever tried this?” he whispers, nodding at her.

Penny bites at her lower lip like she’s not sure. The coyness is a reflex. She shakes it off.

“Yeah. I like it, too. With the right partner.”

Shawn smiles. His thighs tremble. Her hips have picked up their easy pace. She grips him a little harder as she rocks into a pulsing motion that has her sliding in and out a bit more obviously.

Shawn groans. “Holy… shit.”

He’s wordier when she’s inside him than he usually is. She likes that, makes it feel like he’s even more free than usual, like his thoughts come out through his mouth rather than the alternative of getting stuck to rattle in his brain.

Penny eases forward onto one hand by his head. Her breasts hang, her nipples grazing his chest as she strokes in and out more purposefully. Shawn’s eyes fall shut and his head lolls back. His mouth drops open in a low cry of pleasure.

“Shit… f-fuck,” he sobs, feeling the welcome heat of this with her singe him all over. He grips the sheets harder.

“Can touch me if you want,” she pants, her breath broken up by the strain of her thrusts and the way they bump right up against her swollen clit in the way she likes.

Shawn’s fingers are flushing red as the blood seeps back in. He lifts one to cup her shoulder blade and the other around the back of her head. The motion focuses her eyes down on his, up from where she’s pressing into him.

His eyes are heavily glazed and his lips are parted and wet. Before she thinks about it too hard, she dips down to lavish them with kisses. The change of angle has Shawn nearly purring into her mouth, his legs spreading wider to welcome her closer.

“Baby, oh my god,” he hisses, his curls shivering against his forehead as she mouths at the edge of his jaw.

“Like it like this?” she croaks, fucking in and out of him a little faster, “No one’s ever made you feel this fucking good.”

It’s not edged with the cocky lilt her words take on when she’s giving it to him good in bed. There’s a note of desperation. The need to praise and validate her roars up in Shawn’s chest so strong he gasps a breath to speak.

“No one,” he agrees in a rough sigh, “Fucking-- oh. No--nobody, baby, you’re the only one. Penny, you’re the only one.”

With a satisfied moan, Penny reaches between them and wraps her fingers around the head of his cock. Her hips swing harder, wringing a pretty gasping cry from him with each one. She pulses her fingers around him in time, ready to feel him come apart at the seams.

Shawn feels her lips brushing his. He blinks lazily, almost too far gone to speak, but the look in her eyes makes him whisper, “Come with me. Please.”

Penny’s responding breathy whimper sends him right over the edge. He stifles a scream as his entire body goes beautifully tight and he releases between their stomachs and into her small, wet fist. She breathes through it, right up against his lips like they should be kissing but breathing each other in is enough. Suddenly, with an erratic flick of her hips that has Shawn holding her a little tighter, Penny whines his name and it’s the best fucking thing he’s ever heard. She rows up against him again and again, riding through the orgasm he’d give her a thousand more times if she asked until she’s spent and collapsed against his chest, the toy still inside him.

Shawn lifts his heavy arms around her, smiling like a dope into her hair. He smoothes her hair down her back. It falls so far it brushes her cute round ass, so he massages that, too.

Penny peels up enough to look at him. She smiles and bumps her nose up against his lips.

“Wow,” she chuckles.

“Uh huh,” he grunts back, the same amusement in his voice. He cradles her between his legs, propping his chin up on the top of her head.

Penny starts easing her hips back to Shawn’s little noises of protest. She sheds the harness and grabs a wet washcloth to clean them both off. She tosses it in the hamper and crawls up beside him, still bathed in warm morning light, his arm open to the side to welcome her. She’s just settled up against him when she hears something.

“Hey now, hey nooooow! This is what dreeeeeeams are made of!”

Penny’s head shoots up. She always, always turns her personal phone ringer off when she’s on dates. She somehow forgot. Her head jerks as she looks to Shawn, who’s still wearing a look of dreamy calm.

“Nice ringtone.”

“Sorry, fuck-- I usually turn it off. It’s… that’s my brother’s ringtone.”

Shawn tilts his head curiously. “Answer it if you want. Does he know about me?”

The question is so shocking Penny forgets to think before she answers with a short nod.

“I mean… yeah. It’s-- I tell him everything. I mean not, everything everything. Obviously. But… he would die before telling anyone. I promise.”

Shawn’s face shifts at the look on Penny’s. He’s never seen her look so wide-eyed and sheepish. He strokes a hand comfortingly up her arm.

“Hey, it’s fine. I get it. Answer it, I really don’t mind.”

Penny hesitates a moment longer, then launches off Shawn’s chest to get to her purse. With impressive flexibility, she reaches off the end of the bed and hits the answer button before the ringer ends.

“Hey,” she pants.

“You know what absolutely blows?” Peter barks. He’s so loud Penny is sure Shawn can hear every word but he looks out the window politely.

“What?”

“Data structures and functional programming!” Peter wails. A clunk in the background sounds like a textbook falling shut.

“Don’t tell me you got a B+ on a test again,” Penny jabs, eyeing Shawn with a mischievous smile. His nose twitches over a shy grin now that he realizes he’s allowed to listen.

“No, god no, don’t joke about that,” Peter hisses, “Hot TA finally, FINALLY asked me out.”

Penny’s eyes pop. “What? That’s great! He’s so cute!”

“So, so cute,” Peter agrees in a strained voice, “But my data structures professor moved our test up because he got asked to speak at some conference in Bern. The summer semester break is about to start and hot TA is starting an internship in Hong Kong until September!”

Shawn’s eyebrows raise curiously. Penny bites her lip over a smile, her cheeks catching pink at this odd collision of her personal and professional lives.

“Peter, fuck the test. You have an A. Even if you fail it, you won’t fail the class.”

Shawn chuckles, sitting upright to listen closer.

“But--” Peter begins.

“No,” Penny interrupts sternly, “Don’t do the thing. Don’t use me as a way to argue with yourself. You’re in college, Pete. There’s plenty of time to take over the world with your impressive brain later. Go get laid, for the love of god.”

Shawn laughs, loud and delighted. Penny giggles.

There’s a pause. Peter says, “Who is that? Silver?”

Penny wets her lips and lowers her gaze to Shawn’s legs. “No.”

Another pause. “Oh my god, are you on a date?”

Penny chews the inside of her lip. Her silence is enough confirmation.

“Oh my god,” Peter cries, scandalized. There’s another crash -- this time it sounds like a computer chair smacking into a wooden desk, “You answered your personal cell on a date?”

Shawn looks even more intrigued. He leans further forward and bites his lip. Penny reaches out and plucks at a curl on his forehead.

“Shawn doesn’t mind.”

Peter’s overdramatics reach new heights with his squealing cry in reaction. Shawn laughs again, going pink from the chest. Penny crawls into his lap, feeling mysteriously smug -- perhaps at the disproving of her longtime theory that if ever her two worlds should meet, chaos would immediately follow. Shawn gathers her up on his lap and brushes his nose against her collarbone, sweeping his lips against her neck.

“Are you seriously post-coital with Shawn Peter Raul Mendes and taking a phone call from meeee?” His voice has gone all squeaky so the final drawn out vowel makes her cringe.

“Why do you know his full name?” she laughs. Shawn snorts a chuckle and it vibrates her throat. She hums comfortably.

“My god, my god, get off the phone. Bitch, I will hang up on you. Go get that mans. Get that good Canadian rock star dick, what the fuck.”

Shawn laughs harder and he’s close enough to the phone that Peter cries out at the sound.

“Shawn, for the love of all that’s unholy, do something to get her off the phone.”

Shawn lifts his head and considers the challenge. Penny is breathless, watching him lie back, taking her with him. He lifts her, scooting her up his chest until she’s perched over his head, her knees bracketing the pillow, phone still pressed to her ear.

“Hey, you’re still coming for that CalTech thing, right? I see you in a few weeks?” she breathes, gazing warmly down at Shawn as he tongues at the inside of her wet inner thigh. She sinks a hand into his curls to steer him. He goes willingly.

“Yeah, yeah in like a month,” Peter answers distractedly, “I put the flight on your Amex.”

Penny’s eyes fall shut when Shawn swipes his tongue up through her folds, flicking at her clit.

“Good boy,” Penny hums with a nod.

“Are you talking to him or me?!” Peter shrieks.

Penny grunts, glancing down at Shawn who locks his arms around her thighs and bears down. With a shaky inhale, she sighs.

“I don’t know anymore. Bye, Pete.”

She holds the phone away from her ear to hang up. She can hear more screaming as she hits the end call button.

+

Oh my GAWD! Shawn Mendes and Bex Get Hot and Heavy in Miami BETCH! -- Perez Hilton

Shawn Mendes and Bex Spotted Getting Steamy on Miami Beach -- People Magazine

Hottest Couple of the Summer! Shawn Mendes and Bex Making Waves In Miami! -- JustJared

+

Penny lifts her chin and controls her stride as she steps into the chilly hotel room at The Beverly Hills Hotel. With a nod back at Gus, the door shuts behind her.

He’s tall. Extraordinarily tall. He’s probably at least 6’5”. He’s a Nordic god with crisp blue eyes and a swath of blonde hair that falls shaggy but controlled around his shoulders. His body is lean and smooth, well trained but hard and a little unwelcoming somehow. Penny’s lips curl into a smile.

“Miss Penny,” he breathes in lightly accented English, “You’re a vision.”

Penny’s upper lip puckers. She tucks some falling curls behind her ear and steps closer, dwarfed but unintimidated by her new client.

“Mr. Larsen. You’re every bit as handsome as you appear in Forbes.”

He’s flattered by her easy softball of a compliment. She can tell by the way he preens for it that he believes her words. She looks down at the glass of gin in his fist. She looks back up at him and smiles again, walking around him to prepare her own.

“I was very eager to receive your recommendation from a colleague,” he says, easing around the chaise to stand behind her. He’s not hovering, exactly, or at least not close enough to make her uncomfortable. She’s aware of the shimmery body oil she rubbed on the bare skin of her back, accented by her low cut cocktail dress.

Aston Martin guy referred him, Silver told her. She knows the type. Elegant and refined. Not terribly interested in small talk before clothes come off. Gets called ‘daddy’ by the girls he brings home from bars and events but needs a strong woman to hold him down and ride him hard to feel balanced.

It’s easy. No challenge. No problem to solve. Penny sighs. It escapes his notice.

She turns while dropping a wedge of lime into her sweating glass. Her eyes rake him from head to toe. He takes it as an invitation to step closer.

“Good word of mouth is crucial to my business model,” she agrees coolly, taking a sip. It’s not as strong as she’d like.

His smile is vaguely unpleasant. He’s the kind of guy she’d tell the La Splendeur girls to avoid when out in the wild. He steps closer.

“I’ve heard very good words about your mouth.”

Penny’s low exhale takes the place of the eyeroll she’d give if she weren’t being paid so handsomely. She can’t blame his native tongue for the too-smooth, cheesy pun. This guy was probably Oxford or Cambridge educated. He speaks better English than she does. He’s just fucking boring.

Penny drops a finger into her drink, curling it slightly, watching his eyes follow the motion. Too easy.

She brings it to her lips and sips the gin off her finger. She doesn’t even like gin. He licks his chops like she’s a meal.

She puts her glass down.

“Get on your knees, Mr. Larsen.”

+

Whiplash.

It’s the only word for the feeling he’s had for days on agonizing days.

Penny crawled out of his bed and left her scent behind in his sheets after a few more traded orgasms and more shared kisses than usual. In a sexed out daze, Shawn heads into the lion’s den. He’s never seen so many paps outside The Nice Guy. The cold snapping of their shutters knocks him back into reality. The high he rides after a few hours with Penny is cut criminally short.

He cradles Bex close under his arm. He wets his lips and leans in when she whispers in his ear. He smiles, makes it melt like butter, and brushes his lips over hers. It’s stomach-turningly tender.

There’s more obvious canoodling outside the bar. Even with his eyes shut and her sucking on his lower lip in an objectively satisfying way, the flashes have him on edge.

He returns home to a bed that smells like something that feels imagined. It’s somehow even less real to him than the carefully orchestrated farce he’s been living.

Because it can’t be real. There’s no trace of her besides the sunny breath of perfume in his pillows that makes him choke up inexplicably when he buries his face in it before sleep mercifully knocks him out.

He can’t see her. He has trouble picturing her pretty face despite all the time he’s spent staring at it. He claws at it -- freckles. Tiny forehead scar. Slender ankles. Weirdly pointy but still cute knees. The laugh. He can’t remember the real laugh, the one that fizzes like expensive champagne, the kind he only drinks with her. He can’t hear it.

Even if he could manage to cling to all these pretty things, it can’t be real. What’s in the headlines is real. The album sales, the festival numbers, the hashtag stats -- those are real. As fake as it all is, it’s real. It’s more real than the nothing he has with a woman he pays to sit on his face.

His career is real. His album is real. His family, his life is real.

The rest of it is distraction.

-----------

If you’d like to buy me a Ko-fi and support my writing, the link is in my bio!

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[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Happy 10th Anniversary To Every Anime Opening Ever Made (The Video)

  I don't remember where I was at when I first watched "Supercut - Every Anime Opening Ever Made," but I do remember the inescapable truth it showed me after I watched it. Maybe I was on Gaia Online or some other forum when someone posted the link and asked "have you seen this?" I started the video and saw the seagulls flying in the sky. Then the white text on a black background showed up, saying that the following was in every single anime opening sequence...

    The montage began! Cameras heading towards the sun! Going right into the character's eyes! The running! This dude was right: This stuff IS in every anime opening!  

  This Youtube supercut turns ten years old today, and if you were in the anime fandom around 2010 you had probably seen this video at some point. Now with 3 Million views, I think the reason it resonated with so many people is that for as much anime we watched, we probably noticed these trends but didn't make the full connection until it was fully presented in front of us. Regardless of genre or tone, there was this underlying connective tissue across dozens of shows that we may or may not have seen before. And shown in such a slick and edited fashion provided a connection across the shows we love.   While videos like this are likely uploaded onto Youtube now more than I can imagine (maybe even right now as I write this!), this supercut was the original, back in a time when fandom was certainly a lot smaller and growing. Even though Youtube was becoming more of a hub for anime content  (as we were slowly getting out of the Bleach-episode-split-into-three-parts era), fandom was more split in the sense that everyone had their own particular hub or forum they claimed home. There was no AniTwitter or Youtube Community tab to trudge around and find out what wider fandom was talking about. And yet, everyone seemed to have come around and appreciated this, a small stepping stone to what the community would end up becoming today.   I was just going to celebrate this little piece of fandom fun with an article going down memory lane, but I decided to try to reach out to Derek Lieu, the original creator of the video, to see if he had anything to add for this retrospective. And luckily he got back to me really quickly! Can you first introduce yourself and what you do?   My name is Derek Lieu, I currently live in Brooklyn NY and I make video game trailers! I’ve worked on trailers for Firewatch, Subnautica, Spelunky 2, Ooblets, Dead Cells, Half-Life: Alyx, and a lot more.   How did you get the idea to make the "Every Anime Opening Ever Made" video?   When I learned the American X-Men animated series from the 90s had alternate opening sequences made for when it aired in Japan I became fascinated by what made those openings so distinctly Japanese. I don’t remember my precise thought process, but I started downloading textless versions of anime openings from YouTube to start, and started sorting the footage. I think the one exception I made was for Neon Genesis Evangelion because I couldn’t not include it.   About how long do you think it took to edit?   Believe it or not the whole project took about an afternoon and maybe part of the evening. Downloading all the openings took longer than the actual editing. After downloading them I sorted the different tropes into categories like I normally do when editing stuff. Once the footage was sorted I barely moved anything around except to adjust for music sync and also where each chunk of tropes fit into the video. I used a specific Ayumi Hamasaki song which was used for the cel-shaded Molly Star Racer trailer (which much later became Oban Star Racers). The original remix song is much longer so I edited it down to about 3.5 minutes.  

  Is there anything in particular that stood out to you when you were making it? (Outside of so many shows using the same shots, obviously haha)   I think the main thing that occurred to me is that so many of these tropes are just great ways to create cool moving images using as little animation as possible, but which still feel dynamic and fun to watch. One interesting bit of trivia is Trigun is one of the few series whose opening is footage from episodes cut together. This was by far the exception to the rule.   I remember this video very fondly back in the earlier Youtube days, and it has 3 Million views as to date. Did you ever expect it to be that successful?   Haha, not in the slightest. It seems the videos I give the least amount of thought always get the most number of views and the ones I spend a lot of time get the fewest.   What do you think is your favorite and least favorite "trope" in the original video?   I like the head turns. I didn’t even give attention to that one when I started the project, but it very quickly revealed itself as one of the most common ones. I don’t think I have a least favorite; they’re all fun to watch. One of the funniest is a person reaching their hand out to someone on the ground; I like this one because it’s so incredibly specific.  

  Do you still watch any anime? And if you do, do you see any of those same shots/frames/movements in particular still being used today?   I don’t currently watch any anime, but I assume a lot of openings still use a lot of these tropes. Because they cover everything from standing still to running. I later made a video for unique anime openings because there are some which have really great stylized art and interesting images. I also made one for classic anime from the 80s and earlier which helped me see where a lot of the tropes originates.   Do you have any other thoughts on the video looking back on it ten years later?   Reading comments from people who watched it as a kid and now are rewatching it as adults makes me feel old, haha. Also, people keep telling me I “forgot” an anime. I once tallied all the anime people say I excluded and the list was far far longer than the number of anime in my video. Also, a lot of people mention anime which released after the video was made :P One bit of trivia, I didn’t include any Naruto because at the time I thought it would’ve been funny to exclude the most popular anime at the time. Sorry, Naruto fans.   We'd like to thank Derek Lieu for not only making the video, but also for taking the time to speak to us. You can find him on Twitter and Youtube.  

    Kyle Cardine is an Editor for Crunchyroll. You can find his Twitter here.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[fanficparker]

Faking, Falling > Part 3

Harrison Osterfield x Reader (Fake dating! Unrequited love switcheroo!)

Word count: ~3.3k words

Warning: Swearing, Angst.

Summary: Positive or negative intentions yet the results do look pleasant but for how long?

<< PART 2 [ MASTERLIST ] PART 4 >>

"I am taking the day off early." You tell Jade, making sure Harrison was nearby and could hear you clearly.

"You seem excited, is there something special?"

You look at Harrison through your peripheral vision, who was just sitting ten feet from you, reading his script. But as much as you know him, you were sure his concentration was not on his script but on you. Completing almost one and a half month here on set you knew if you and he were in the same room, his mind was always wandering around you. Well, you would be more than pleased to get the eyes of the blonde who has the ability to get everyone's eyes on him, only if he wasn't a jerk. You were sure the only reason he had is eyes on you was to search for a perfect opportunity to belittle you or to make fun of you in some way or the other like he does every time.

But this time was different. You wanted to belittle him. Everyone who works on this set very well knew Simon and Harrison never got well. They had arguments every now and then and it would be really cool to show how his enemy was far better than him.

A smirk played on your lips as he stole glances at you thinking you weren't noticing. Idiot. You turned your attention back on Jade as you spoke further, "Simon asked me out! And now we have a date tonight, of course, I am excited."

"Really? But you told me just a week before that you weren't ready to date after-" She paused turning her head to see Harrison in the corner and then back at you, afraid she would speak anything that could hurt you. But you completed her sentence yourself.

"After that arsehole pulled that prank on me? Pfft." You were louder than you should for a bilateral conversation with Jade because it was with someone else. She looked surprised at your confidence level and that you were so comfortable saying Harrison 'arsehole' when he could easily hear.

"Look I thought about it and came to a conclusion. I am sure every fucking person on this planet is better than him and Simon... Simon hates him, I hate him. It's a perfect match!" You sounded as if it was a sure thing. You could feel Harrison's gaze on you, making you almost chuckle but you successfully hid it under a fake cough.

"Okay. I am happy for you." Jade said although you were sure her approval only translated to 'but Y/n that's not a very reliable reason to date someone.'

"Yeah, anything except that arsehole makes me happy." You smirked turning giving him a look and walking back to your designing room.

"Mate, I think she was referring to you." Harrison's co-star Greg whispered in his ear.

"Fuck off!" He mumbled and slammed his script on the front table, getting up and walking to your room.

"Seems like we aren't on good terms, specky."

You heard his voice behind you as you continue to sew your costume.

Without looking at him you clearly stated, "Next time make sure to knock before entering."

"Excuse me, what?"

"Looks like you need to get your hearing checked." You said finally looking at him. His jaws dropped yet again. You could see him struggling to take in your changed behaviour, which simply means - your faking game was working fine.

"You have changed," He said quietly.

"Guess it's a change for good."

For like minutes he just stared at your eyes as if he was trying to read them. It felt like he was searching for the part of you that you no matter how much you acted to be confident yet get flustered at his sight or snarky comments. You didn't give in, maintaining firm eye contact. He licked his lips and you could see the clear movements in his Adam's apple.

Harrison Osterfield was nervous and you were the reason behind it.

"Did it really hurt you that bad?" His voice was barely a whisper but still, you could clearly make out his words.

"Like you care, Osterfield."

He exhaled deeply.

"Yeah, you are right. I don't care."

"Good for you. Looks like the hatred is mutual."

"Never said it was hatred---"

"Action speaks louder than words..." A third voice interrupted before Harrison could complete himself. You and he both turned to see Simon standing by the door, holding a bunch of costumes. He was also you assistant after all.

"I am sorry if that sounded cliché but Y/n surely isn't enjoying your company." He said entering inside, keeping the costumes on the table and faced Harrison.

"You are no one to speak for her," Harrison spoke with gritted teeth.

"Well for your kind information, we are going on a date to---"

"That still doesn't make you speak for her. You aren't her boyfriend."

"At least she doesn't hate me," Simon said, standing just two inches from Harrison. The scene that played in front of your eyes seemed a lot more serious than you expected, making you quietly stand there and listen.

"Well, she will definitely hate you if I tell what you really do." The corners of Harrison's lips tugged into a light smirk.

"Ensure you have enough proofs before opening your mouth, Osterfield. We both know whom Y/n will trust otherwise."

Harrison smile fell and now Simon was the one confidently grinning. Harrison shifted his gaze towards you and then back at him. He exhaled again and walked from the side, saying nothing, leaving you and Simon alone in the room. Simon turned to look at you, giving a bright smile but it didn't do anything to the sinking, dark feeling in your abdomen. Their conversation was so shady that it made you sick.

"Aww come on Y/n, don't listen to him. Just two more hours of work and we are free!" He cheered to which you smiled (fake, obviously) but still you believed in him more than Harrison which let you sigh and calm yourself.

* * *

Two hours went by really slow but they did anyway. Simon asked you to leave together but you told him to leave first as you had to do finish the last tid-bits of your designs.

"I will be at Regan's Diner at 7. Can't wait to see you there!" And then he left when you concentrated back at your costume. You sighed, stretching your arms, relaxing. You glanced at your phone.

"Shit!" You jolted up from your seat, it was already 6:25 pm, you were late by 20 mins. You needed time to go back home, get dressed and then reach the restaurant. You cursed under your breath, assembling your stuff and shoving it into your handbag. Accidentally your phone slipped landing on the soft carpet beneath your table. You zipped up your bag, oblivious to your missing phone and rushed outside. You almost bumped into that blue eyes notorious blonde but stabilised yourself before you could collide. He gave you a blank look and you ignored him, walking out and driving to your home.

* * *

It was just five-minute past and Harrison couldn't find any interest in rehearsing his role. The conversation between him and you played over and over again in his head. If your date with Simon goes well, he would no more be able to follow you around or see your flattered or maybe annoyed expression. The thought of completely distancing himself from you made his stomach churn. But he doesn't care, right?

But you weren't wrong... He did feel guilty of what he did now.

No. No... He doesn't care about you or anyone... He isn't guilty.

It was your life, your date, whatever it was it had nothing to do with him. Maybe it was good for both of you. If he could survive without Tom and his company then he was sure he could definitely survive without interacting with you. You, who was basically nothing for him... He shook his head at all these annoying self debates going in his mind and he decided to take a break too. He finally called it a day off. He was about to walk out of the building when Greg called him.

"George asked you to keep all your costumes arranged as Simon & Y/n both have already left."

"Yeah yeah, no need to explain..." He rolled his eyes, dramatically.

Thank you Greg for making the day hundred percent better! He placed his costume in the wardrobe stand and then heard the sound of a chime. He checked his phone, but there was nothing. He again heard the sound and this time his gaze landed on the phone lying beneath the table. He picked it up, realising it was your phone. He would have not cared even a little bit if the 'two new messages' notification didn't show the name, Simon.

Don't open the message. Don't open the message...

And then he did... You didn't put a lock-screen password and Harrison felt calm blaming it on you.

Simon [6:35 pm]: Hey Y/n. I m really sorry but I got stuck in some important work. Can we plz meet at 9:30 instead of 7?

Simon [6:35 pm]: Tell me if this works for you. And I m really sorry for changing the plans on last minute.

Harrison read through the messages, rolling his eyes as if it was the most stupid message of all time. The phone chimed again.

Simon [6:36 pm]: Waiting for your reply <3

"Look how fucking excited this bastard is!" Harrison mumbled.

Maybe he does deserve a reply...

Harrison's fingers danced on the phone screen without thinking twice.

You would have put in a password if you were too bothered.

Y/n [6:38 pm]: No problem. See you at 9:30 then.

And the phone chimed again.

Fucking desperate!

Simon [6:38 pm]: Great. Can't wait to see you ;)

"Haha... Like she'll wait for you till nine-thirty!" Harrison finally felt a bit relieved from today's incident. A proud smile formed on his lips. He debated whether to keep the phone with him or leave it here... But first he should delete this conversation and he did.

Wait... What if he hands you back this phone himself? And enjoy your and Simon's date... Sounds like a plan to him.

He slipped the phone in his jacket and eagerly drove to your house, smiling proudly. He parked the car in the driveway and didn't waste a single minute ringing your door-bell.The door opened a minute later.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Thank you for being so polite. I really appreciate," Harrison chuckled at your annoyed voice. His eyes travelled from your head to toe, taking in your complete look. There were a hairbrush and a lipstick in your hands. Your hairs were half combed. You were wearing a blue knee-length dress, and the ribbons on your sleeves were still untied. You looked like you were rushing.

Yeah, rushing... For your date.

"Tell me what's your work I literally am getting really late and can't even find my fucking phone!" You growled looking at the wall clock showing 6:59 pm already.

"Well maybe this is yours," Harrison said taking out your phone. You looked at his hand and instantly snatched the device out.

"Oh God! Where do you get this?"

"Really Y/n. Your guest serving etiquette is kinda fucked up." He said leaning at your door frame as you checked your phone.

* * *

You were absolutely confused to see Harrison at your doorstep but because you were already late for your date, you didn't want to waste any more time thinking about any possibilities. But now he was here, safely handing you your phone. It's true you haven't forgiven Harrison for what he did and neither ever he asked for any apologies making you want to continue this hating game. You won't be lying if you say - you were actually enjoying it. It was easy to hate him than to deal with any other feeling. Maybe this crush was dying slowly, slowly. Everything you ever wanted...

But right now, he came to return you his phone and maybe he was right. It deserved a thank you.

"Oh sorry. Thank you but really where did you get it?"

"Beneath your table."

"God! I am such an idiot... " You laughed and damn, something in his heart stopped working. He glanced at your face, how your eyes squinted forming little creases along the corners and how your lips parted ever so slightly. He has always been the sole reason for your sadness & anger. But seeing you smile and laugh because of him automatically made his own lips tug into a small smile, his eyes still concentrated on your face.

Your laugh died down as a nervous chuckle in the end when you noticed his intense gaze on you.

"I-uh... I am getting late. You make yourself at home till I get ready." You tucked a hair strand behind your ear looking at your feet. You heard Harrison lightly cough, maybe to lighten the thickening air between you both.

"Yeah."

After five minutes you showed up again cursing about already being super late.

"I should call Simon. Maybe he thinks I am flaking out!" And before you could search for his contact, your phone was snatched from your hand. Your eyes shot up only to meet Harrison's icy blue ones.

"What are doing? It's just six-ten. You don't need to call him." He told.

"But I have to reach Regan's Diner too---"

"It's just five minutes from here. I'll drive you there. You don't wanna look like an idiot apologizing for just 15 minutes..." He handed you the phone back.

"You-you will drop me?" You asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, why not. Now hurry up, you don't wanna waste any time, right?" He already opened your main door signalling you to move out.

Was it right for you to go with Harrison when you already knew how much Simon hated him?

"Y/n, we are getting late!" He yelled standing near his car, giving you no time to think too much. You would have straight away denied if you weren't so punctual and being already late wasn't making you feel guilty.

The drive was silent and you couldn't thank less. You were panicking for your date but he was panicking about something else.

What if you come to know about those messages he sent and then deleted?

"Hey hey stop, we came ahead!" You said and Harrison instantly pulled the breaks.

"Ah, sorry, I was thinking about something."

When did Harrison Osterfield start saying sorry?

"Thanks for dropping me by the way," You smiled genuinely to which he nodded. You rushed inside the restaurant asking for your reserved seat. The waiter gave you the seat and you came to know Simon didn't arrive yet.

Good, you didn't call him.

7:40 pm and Simon didn't show up yet. You rubbed the skin of your arms in concern and embarrassment or maybe shame. You tried to divert your attention by scrolling through Instagram on your phone when you heard the noise of a chair pulling in front of you. Your head shot up only to see Harrison...

"Harrison? You didn't go?---"

"Saw you waiting and well... Guess my doubts were real!"

"What guess?"

He took a seat continuing, "Simon isn't going to come. He is a jerk, he likes flaking out---"

"At least, he isn't doing anything you did at Rick's party!" You spoke straight.

"Oh, come' on. Can we just forget it." He groaned stretching his back into the chair.

"You didn't even say sorry or anything regarding it. I have the right to carry whatever feeling I have for that incident and you." You said, one hand resting on your chin while the other mindlessly making invisible patterns on the table cloth. Harrison sighed and rubbed his palms over his eyes lightly.

"Okay okay... I get it. Sorry. I am really sorry. Now can we just forget it?"

The corners of your lips tugged upwards, a small smile forming.

"Will think about it..." You said slowly.

"Hello, sir and ma'am would you like to order something?" The waitress asked coming to your table, a big smile on her face.

"Umm... Actually, someone still didn't arrive---"

"Yeah, we can start with some starters... Cheese rolls, soup. Are you good with that?" Harrison interrupted you. He looked at you and you didn't understand what to answer so nodded.

"Thank you, just give us five minutes and hope you both are enjoying your date..."

"We--no..." You tried to clarify but the waitress had already walked away. You hated it but your cheeks felt warm making you look down at the table. An uncomfortable silence enveloping the two of you.

Harrison fake coughed to get you attention, "Umm, so for how long are you been here, in London?"

You looked up at him, a bit astonished to see him actually starting a good conversation.

"Well, two years. I came here to learn from some big fashion designers basically thought of getting an internship at Joshua Kane but guess they didn't need interns." You gasped.

"So, you came here to get a job at JK?" He leaned towards the table.

"No. For learning. I actually would love ṭo start my own brand. Basically, it's my dream, goal. There's just too much competition. Seems like everyone is better than me." You pursed your lips, looking at the glass of water blankly.

"Your work is personally my favourite. I mean it doesn't look like you are any less than professionals."

No. No... That feeling you hated it. Those butterflies... Harrison Osterfield... Not a good combination.

"You're just bluffing." You say, smiling shyly.

"Don't believe me but my fortune cookie did tell me that." He lightly chuckled.

"So, you believe in those?"

"Come on Y/n. I am saying the truth..."

"Thank you..."

"Your order." The waitress served your starters.

...

"Well, then see you tomorrow..."He dropped you back home.

"Yeah..." As he left you raced inside your house almost squealing in excitement. Changing your clothes you got into your bed. You replayed your time with Harrison this evening. Your phone rang and you absolutely blocked Simon's number the exact minute he called. He flaked out in your eyes after all. But then your phone chimed.

A new message.

Jade [10:45 pm]: How was your date?

You smiled at the message and wrote without thinking twice.

Y/n [10:45 pm]: Fucking awesome!

-----------------------------------------------

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[lucadina]

Enigma Girl (2)

Rating: T

Pairing: Eren x Annie

You can read the first part here!

Supper is a predictable occurrence. And kind of gross, sometimes. 

The food isn't normally good, nor is it bad. Tonight, however, the main dish may resemble a rendition of the usual potato stew, but might as well be pig slop. That's what happens when the instructors think it's a good idea to assign Connie and Sasha to the same kitchen duty schedule. Eren raises his spoon to his nose, takes a whiff of the greyish-red pudding thing he's scooped up, and tries not to retch. He sets the spoon back down.

'This is disgusting,' Mikasa says bluntly.

Too chicken to agree, Armin opts instead to placate the situation, 'Haha... Well, we've got to eat, since it's another rough day tomorrow.'

Eren remains silent. He's thinking about Annie. Specifically, he's mulling over their encounter earlier in the day, at the forest during hand-to-hand combat training.

Why did he follow her? Was it really an attempt at friendship? No, he's not that pure. Truthfully, he doesn't really know why he’s relentlessly chasing after her. It’s his choice and yet, without so much as an utterance of a word from her, he feels spellbound, like she had beckoned him to year for her - like a fish swimming towards a lure. Not that he regrets it. When she was on top of him, her lips upon his wrist, teeth merely a breath away from his skin; he thinks that moment is a fond memory, one he replays over and over in his head. Weird, considering how Annie is singularly the most terrifying woman he's ever met.

And he's seen some odd ladies crawling the streets at night, none of which have ever struck him as sexy.

Wait. Stop. Not that Annie's—

Going red in the face, Eren chokes on a cry. Mikasa is quick to pat his back and ask what's wrong, but he only brushes her off and hangs his head in shame.

Reiner, who's decided to invite himself and Bertholdt to join Eren's group for dinner and is seated across the table from said suicidal blockhead, has a burning question at the back of his mind. He just doesn't know how to bring it up. Really, a more appropriate setting to do so would be in a few hours at the boys' barracks. But Reiner is a nosy little weasel in bear's clothing who revels in drama (particularly when it relates to a that blonde bitch) and he can't take the suspense any longer.

'Eren, is something going on between you and Annie?'

Every single pair of eyes in the room fly to Reiner.

Even Annie's, if only momentarily.

'What?!' Eren doesn't mean to come across so incredulously, as though the possibility of him harbouring romantic feelings for said girl is preposterous, because he actually might like her but wow— he's never been into girls except the imaginary one with a killer bod that lives in his head and hold on; this is a bold question, even for the outspoken Reiner.

'R-Reiner, please...' Bertholdt clears his throat, throwing a quick glance at the woman they're presently chatting about. Annie’ who's seated three tables over, is unfazed. She simply stares disinterestedly at her untouched meal, 'I don't think Eren wants to talk about that. Let's just enjoy our dinner...'

'Oh, come on. It's just a question.'

'You are the only person she pairs with during combat training.' Armin wonders aloud before backpedaling because Mikasa's glare is that terrifying, 'But of course, it's not practical to get involved romantically with someone, considering we're here to become soldiers.'

Eren frowns, 'Soldiers can have wives. I'd like one eventually.'

'You'd like to wife up Annie?' Reiner wiggles his eyebrows.

'Well, I think Eren's uncomfortable, so we should really move on!' Bertholdt clucks, slapping a palm on Reiner's back with enough force to squash a small animal. Against Reiner's build, it barely registers as a friendly handshake, 'Right?!'

'I'm not uncomfortable,' he bluffs, 'Besides,' a pause to swallow a spoonful of his shit-stew even though it makes him want to gag (he's trying to make a point that he's committed to what he's about to say), 'You guys are seriously making a big deal out of nothing. Annie and I just spar sometimes.'

'Oh, come on,' Reiner snorts, 'I wouldn't blame ya, Eren. I know she's a soulless prune, but she has a nice-'

Mikasa interjects, 'Eren still hasn't eaten. 'You're distracting him.'

It's too late. Eren's offended, for a few reasons. Interestingly enough, that last, unfinished remark regarding Annie's derriere sours him. Annie probably heard that. Did she expect him to defend her modesty? No— she'd probably kick him between his legs and mutter something like I don't need a man to defend me, especially not a boy like you, Yeager! It'll just piss them both off if he says anything.

So much for convincing her that he's interested in who she is as a person, as a human, and not just as a mentor. He can't keep on pretending like he isn't hurt by her, especially after what she pulled in the woods today.

'I don't want to talk about this anymore,' Eren's eyes darken as he gets to his feet, then walks out of the hall.

Mikasa follows him out. So does Armin.

Bertholdt scolds Reiner for his insensitivity.

Everyone else resumes their supper.

Minus Annie, who seethes in silence.

Soulless prune?

Soulless prune?!

Reiner's never been her favourite person, but he's officially on her list. That list. A list that has her preoccupied with thoughts of making Reiner disappear for the next hour of dinner. Before she thinks herself up into actually applying her imagination to reality, Mina interrupts: 'Hey...' she tries to whisper, but she's too loud anyway, 'What's up with you and Yeager?'

Annie shrugs. She bites into her bread, hoping that no one else will start a conversation with her if she's got food in her mouth.

Her plan doesn't work.

Stupid teenage girls; they're unrelenting, and it isn't just Mina anymore either. Now Hannah and Moira and Laura (Annie's guessing their names, they've never spoken to her prior to now) have started shooting questions her way despite not getting a single answer. Perhaps they assume that she'll cave in to their persistence at some point.

'Do you two hang out outside of training?'

'Who made the first move?'

'Do you like him?'

'I'm eating,' Annie snaps— that last question had cut her somewhere deep.

The girls go quiet. Still, they've won: Bingo! Mina shoots Hannah a playful smirk. There's a silent understanding; can't wait to giggle about this later!

The rest of the mess hall reverts back to its usual mild chatter. Jean's bitching about Eren somewhere to the far right, by the door. Marco's trying to calm him down. On the table over, Reiner's giving a speech about how romance is fun, but should be approached with caution since the life they all lead is that of a soldier's.

'Dangerous and unpredictable,' Reiner beams loudly, 'So we should make smart choices. You know— ones we won't regret later.'

Annie scoffs to herself. She knows that he's stupidly aimed that comment at her, which only serves to amplify the murderous intent she already feels towards him. But she'll play it cool, for now. No point in blowing a gasket. She tries to finish the rest of her bread, but only gets to half of it before she drops it onto her cold stew.

The bells chime, signalling the end of the hour.

Annie doesn't immediately get up. She's tired.

Reiner and Bertholdt pass her. The latter's always concerned about her, and this time is no exception, 'You didn't eat much,' he observes meekly. He looks like he wants to say something else, but is intercepted by his fellow warrior.

'It's useless,' Reiner shoots Annie a dark look, 'She never did learn not to play with her food.'

.......................................................................................

Eren doesn't spar with Annie for a month.

Four weeks.

Thirty-one days.

Whatever; she's anxious about it by the time the cold weather rolls in. It's snowing outside, and will probably continue to for the rest of the season. Apparently, in this side of the world, hotter summers bleed into biting winters. Consequently, hand-to-hand combat training is suspended until further notice. The instructors don't want any of the cadets dying on them, after all. Not when the militia is in desperate need of bodies.

Of course, this all means that Annie has absolutely no excuse to interact with Eren.

It's not like he approaches her anymore, not after that fiasco in the forest.

She expected him to put distance. Pushing people away is instinctual for her. But it was even easier to commit to dismissing Eren because his passion frightens her. He's special; so human, but in a way that is foreign to her. Unlike herself, who bends weakly to the will of unknown forces, Eren charges straight into the fray without a second thought. He's defiant, beautifully so, like a single, bright flame flickering a brilliant orange amidst the ice.

Maybe Annie's a little jealous of him.

Maybe she misses him.

Maybe.

'Hey,' she greets him curtly once as they pass each other before roll call.

Eren offers a small, hollow smile. Beyond that, he doesn't say anything and speeds past her.

Annie's surprised by how much his indifference hurts her.

.......................................................................................

There's something that hurts a little more, and Annie deems herself selfish for allowing herself to be stung in the first place.

Eren's a happy person. Despite his history, he's happy.

She observes this in the sparks that go off in his eyes before the instructors introduce a new training course or when he succeeds in what he's previously failed at. He's equally energetic when he's smashing his fist onto Jean's ribs, only to get beaten up right back and whisked away by Mikasa a minute later. That older sister figure of his, together with Armin, scold and console Eren in that order after each of his episodes. Then, the very next day, Eren's got another goofy grin on his face and is ready to fight another day.

He's seen the Titans. Yet, he braves this danger. He dedicates his life, even if it's insignificant relative to the rest of the militia.

He has an unwavering sense of purpose, and because of this, he can be happy.

He knows who he is.

She does not.

'Stare at him any longer and you might as well be eating him instead of your dinner, Leonhart.' Ymir mutters under her breath.

Annie blinks, snapping out of her stupor. She didn't even realise that her gaze has been glued to Eren until now. Aware that a blush blooms across her cheeks, she directs her attention to her untouched bean soup. Is it bean? It's green, with yellow blotches at the sides where the oil separates. Disgusting. She can't do this. But she has to, or she'll be forced to endure another grilling from the girls.

'If you're so into him, why not just go for it?' Ymir continues, nudging her seat-mate with an elbow. Annie's at least thankful that the taller woman is trying to keep her inquiries discreet. The others haven't caught onto their topic. Not even Krista, who's chatting away to the rest of the table about whatever because it doesn't really matter and they all just want an excuse to admire her. 'Leonhart,' Ymir presses while the others are distracted, 'What's stopping you?'

Annie swirls her soup with a spoon, 'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'I think he likes you.'

'Well, he shouldn't.'

.......................................................................................

This afternoon, Annie's assigned to do meal prep.

She actually likes to do the cooking because she's a) usually paired with someone too scared to bother her with conversation, and b) it's quiet in the kitchen, away from the hooligans letting loose after a rough day of training. Actually, she seems to have an extra stroke of luck today considering that she's been working for half an hour and yet, no one's joined her. Perhaps she's been tasked to do this all alone, which isn't so bad. She can get it done.

Winter is dogged. Annie doesn't recall experiencing anything quite like it. It's as if the earth itself is rebelling, screaming something like wake up, you fools! There are traitors amongst you!

Annie considers herself.

She's not a good person, but she'd like to believe that she's still a person.

'Hey.'

Annie's heart skips a beat. She recognises that voice, and the familiarity sets off a thrill in her gut that's uncharacteristic of her. Too flustered to even think to put the potato she's been working on down onto the table, she turns on her heel. Potato in her hand and all.

To Eren, it's a strange sight. This strong girl who's given him a hundred bruises and two broken ribs looks harmless in an apron. Domesticated, even. It's not just the fact that she's cooking or that she's dressed for the part; her crystalline-blue eyes are wide, frightened and sparkling with anticipation, like she's seen a friendly ghost. Except they're not friends, so she has no business wearing that expression on her face.

'Sorry I'm late,' he grumbles and reaches for another apron hanging on the hook of the door. He's clearly avoiding her. His back faces her, and his eyes focus on the furthest thing from her body: the empty pot where the stew of the night is supposed to boil in. He busies himself with it. Takes it to the sink, starts scrubbing at the metal. Anything to keep from having to walk over to her.

Disappointed, Annie resumes her potato peeling. Well, more like hacking. She's lopping off the skin in jagged, reckless strokes of a knife. She's bothered by the wordless grudge of a stupid teenage boy who can't lower his fists. What’s worse is she can't even control this feeling she has; of guilt and desire, of a need so tempting that she feels it in her chest now despite having her interest rebuffed by Eren Yeager of all people.

Fifteen minutes pass. Annie knows because she's counting the seconds in her head. She has to, or she won't be able to keep herself calm enough to stop herself from kicking her companion to the ground.

She supposes it won't matter because it'll all be recut into chunks for the stew soon anyway.

Wrong.

Keith Shadis enters, whipping the door open with so much force that the knob hits a wall. His attention immediately flies to Eren, who's started filling the pot with water. As much as Shadis is looking forward to this particular subordinate's next ass-kicking, he can't very well punish without crime, can he? This shred of dignity in the instructor's heart saves Eren, who gulps a hard lump at his throat because he absolutely cannot afford to screw up in front of this guy.

Annie is another story.

'Leonhart, you brainless roach!' Shadis bellows, eyeballs threatening to bulge out of his sockets as he stares pointedly at the naked potato in her hands, 'What the hell is that?!'

She stiffens.

Shit.

She doesn't know what to do, so does nothing.

'Leonhart! You're supposed to skin the potatoes, not maul them! What the hell is this-' Shadis unceremoniously reaches into the wastebin next to her. He grasps the skins she's discarded, brings it up to her face, 'You've taken off the actual meat of it too!'

It's true. She didn't do it properly because she was pissed at Eren and needed to take it out on something.

Annie inhales sharply - she fucked up, can't get out of this one.

'Do you think we can afford to waste food around here, cadet? Do you?!'

'No, Sir.'

'Then do it right! Or I'll have you skip out on kitchen duty altogether and have you scrubbing toilets instead!'

Miraculously, he does not headbutt her. He doesn't so much as touch her, really. Just marches back out as quickly as he'd come, a dozen deep lines expressing his vexation. Although that has less to do with Annie, and more to do with the frustration he feels that he can't psychologically castrate Eren today.

The door slams shut. Annie stares at it, as though she doesn't know how to proceed after what just transpired. It's clear to Eren, who's spent over a decade familiarising himself with Mikasa's cryptic social processing, that Annie is affected by the verbal beating she's received. He can't imagine that she'd take too kindly to being called brainless, let alone a roach, no matter how cooly she tries to play it off.

Sighing, he drops his pot and makes his way over to her. She doesn't react until he takes the knife away from her, to which she flinches.

'Look,' he whispers as he slowly reaches over her side for another potato, careful not to impose on her space with his voice or body, 'You're supposed to do it like this,' he angles the potato diagonally with one hand, presses the thumb of his other onto the straight edge of the knife so that it picks up just a the tiniest bit of the brown skin, which then easily lifts. Thereafter, he secures it with the tip of the knife and gracefully starts to peel.

Annie tilts her head. 'Ah... You're surprisingly good at that.'

'I've had a lot of practice. My mom used to make me help her out in the kitchen sometimes.'

'I see.'

This was meant to only be a demo, but she doesn't make an effort to mirror him. Eren's nostrils flare. Does she expect him to do her work for her? 'Hey,' he presses, miffed, 'Grab a potato and get to it.'

'But you're so much better suited for this task than I am.'

'Oh, no.'

His temperature is rising fast - a natural occurrence around the infuriating Annie. He takes her by the wrist, pulls her to him, back-to-chest, and forcibly takes her hands in his. It's uncharacteristic how tame she is when he manipulates her arms so that they're intertwined with his, his palms nestling on the top of her hands to guide her to a knife and the potato he was working on.

'Alright, Annie— do it like I showed you.'

Do it precisely how I've taught you! That's my daughter!

Annie goes pale (not that Eren can see), and she's once more frozen in place. Green flashes dangerously until he feels her form tremble slightly. She feels fragile, soft, like something human but not quite as durable. It catches him off guard, and he nearly lets her go. He wonders if he frightens her; probably not, although the very thought that he's pushed her into dark corner breaks the chains he's manufactured around his curious attachment to her. Suddenly, he forgets why he's been so upset with her.

He chooses to believe that she's just shaken up from Shadis.

He doesn't fully buy into his own half-assed hypothesis.

Most likely, she won't tell him what's going on.

That's alright. He'll kick it with her anyway.

'Fine, forget the potato,' he whispers into her ear in as soothing a voice as he can muster. His heart is hammering against his chest; she's unpredictable and that's scary, 'Just... I'm here, OK?'

He releases her hands, so the objects she's loosely held onto fall on the table. She makes no move to pick them up, but neither does she swat his arms away. The close proximity of their bodies births a heat that burns him, and he realises the implication of the lack of distance between them. 

Awkwardly, he moves to the side so he can pretend to busy himself with a potato and knife. He steals a glance at her; she’s unreadable as always.

'I'm angry with you,' she admits, breaking the silence. She tucks a long bang behind her ear. He observes her fingers; they're trembling. His attention flies back to the potato; it’s less intimidating than the uncharacteristic fragility she displays right now.

Eren swallows, 'Why's that?'

'You've been ignoring me.'

'Thought that's what you wanted, Annie.'

'No,' she smiles at him, knowing fully well that he cannot see.

[retphienix]

As I type this the credits are rolling on FF12 and man, what an interesting ride this turned out to be.

It’s flawed as can be, and in ways I never suspected. But that was a really fun romp to be honest, and that’s in no small part because of the remaster’s fast forward feature.

But let me rewind a touch for fun.

When this game came out I was falling away from RPGs for a while in my life, not in a “sudden distaste” kind of way, more of a “I have x amount of dollars either directly to my name or accounted to me by my parents being kind and this new thing called ‘xbox live’ just came out and Halo 2 is cool!”

So to say I was out of the loop would be an understatement, I’m almost certain I didn’t know this game came out for upwards of a year of its release. When I did find out about it I had assumed it was an MMO due to the very very little I did see of it through possibly G4 at the time, I mean, it LOOKS like an MMO, and I had heard they had made one, so it lined up.

I knew 11 was an MMO so I just assumed FF was dead and they just made MMOs now, and that 12 was like, a new MMO or something. MMOs were a foreign concept to me at the time so this seemed weird but plausible.

Now I said all of that just to say that now that I’ve played it, man I was more right than I suspected and than anyone who told me I was wrong were willing to give me credit for! THIS IS SO CLEARLY a mismatch of MMO concepts they didn’t do for 11 with broken concepts from FFT and FFTA.

This plays 100% like a single player MMO and that is so utterly bizarre and has so many strengths, weaknesses, and potentials to its name that it’s a miracle this is a game that was released and not cancelled for being too complicated to materialize.

It DEFINITELY holds the faults you might expect from that concept, holy moly.

Regions that are WAY TOO BIG FOR NO REASON? YEP!

A severe lack of respect for your personal time? YEP!

Story feels like a backseat ‘flavor’ feature rather than the point of the RPG you’re playing? GOT IT!

And so much more on the negative front, but it still holds the positives.

I also can’t understate how the disrespect to your time is a lot less of a negative with the 4x speed the remaster allows you, but that’s not the game’s direct doing.

Enough of that though. This was a bizarre game, good and bad all in one, flawed as heck but just so mesmerizing in some respects.

I genuinely liked the single player MMO style. I love the general gameplay of an MMO boss and while the main quest bosses are..... severely lacking and mostly auto-play themselves which is really dull, the side hunt bosses offered a bit more to the fun which I enjoyed!

Ah.

Auto playing.

Should mention that in my little wrap up now shouldn’t I?

FF12 has a sort of ‘program your fight’ mechanic through gambits. I mentioned them in an earlier post when I was just starting the game and my general positivity towards them remains!

But man, they are. Not PERFECTLY applied here.

It’s a weird mix of you having too much and too little all at once and the combat itself not really.. doing much with it?

For one, you can’t go in-depth with how you program your units. You can’t say “When Ashe enters combat cast decoy on Ashe” you just say “Cast decoy on Ashe” and accept the fact that a lot of mp will be wasted unless you toggle off your gambit in between combat.

You can’t say “When party hp < 40% cast group wide heal” or, well, anything that would be so situational. It’s pretty bare bones “Heal when under 80%” “Attack nearest enemy” and no real conditionals to be applied outside of the literal conditionals like “If Ally = Poison use Antidote”.

And yet...

The combat is so simplistic and lacking decisions beyond what gambits you set that you can literally, and I practically did, auto-fight through the whole thing bosses included.

I wouldn’t say that’s the worst. I mean, DWM has that going for/against it and I adore how it handles. But this game arguably has less choice than that game and this one lets you pre-program your fights...

It’s, a sticking point. It didn’t ruin my experience and infact was something I admired about the game, but it’s a flawed system so if the flawed part of it bothers you, ho boy will this bother you.

I did enjoy forcing the game to give me some form of a build through this system but the lack of creativity it fully allows (instead relying on you to battle traditionally which is fine) makes it feel like a weird “Not enough power, too much power” feature.

I was able to make it so I had a full tank/dps/healer setup at least and auto fight with that, so it wasn’t all bad. Just. Flawed.

And I’d bet because this system exists is why the main bosses are so bland. Literally every one just falls to auto attacking, heck, THE FINAL FORM OF THE FINAL BOSS is the first real main story fight to have something you might need to micromanage and even then it was just “He’s immune to physical.... okay now he’s immune to magic” but I could have honestly just auto fought and waited out each phase due to how undertuned he seemed.

All the main fights feel extremely underleveled, which isn’t unusual for FF, but in THIS one with the literal auto fight gambit system, it’s noticeable. The hunts were the only real challenge that usually amounted to “tackle them, change my gambits around, win” which felt rewarding to be honest.

But what of the rest of the game outside of the gambits?

Well it’s alright.

I enjoyed the story beats that reminded me of FFT, though they feel a touch front loaded and then spread thin, but that’s the story as a whole to be honest.

It’s a, well, pretty weak one. Remarkably weak one. Painfully weak.

It has beats that remind me of my favorite! But the rest of the story is just “We have to find the mcguffin.” “I hope she doesn’t use the mcguffin for bad” “Oh thank god she didn’t”

With the interesting bits put to the side and kind of entirely ignored? It’s weird. Like they bring up an immortal species of pseudo angels that control all destiny and fate in our world, and the story is KINDA how do we fight fate or do we follow fate, but it’s shoved so far on the back burner that it isn’t even given closure in the end after you defeat the big bad. Logically, we’ve defeated fate and broken ties to those immortals, but we don’t see them after the fact, and we fight and destroy... not them? We fight the rogue immortal and not directly, if anything we killed his puppet and he just said “later” or maybe he merged with the puppet and we did get him, hard to say. But what isn’t is that the entire story beat is wasted and just kinda there.

The story is forgettable as heck, has a lame and frankly ugly final boss, and gets thrown away to say “We did it, hooray!” at the end so it’s lacking closure on that level, but it does have a sense of character based closure so that’s nice. Well, pretty nice.

Can’t say I adored the cast, but I liked them. I really did end up liking them, and the ending is a nice little “Everyone did well even if we grow somewhat apart” story, that’s sweet.

Not sure what else to say. I know in 20 minutes I’ll have more on my mind, and I know I’ve missed my chance to speak on countless moments in this game by virtue of not truly live-blogging the experience since I lack a mouse/keyboard for my main computer (such a bizarre way to lose access). But here’s a closer.

Final Fantasy 12 was a bizarre, flawed, fascinating game. And I truly understand why it’s the one final fantasy I have never had someone talk to me at length about. Because it’s excruciatingly long (without the remaster fast forward), it’s story is dull, and it’s gameplay is experimental in a way I’d argue has more misses than strikes. It’s not a tranwreck, but it’s forgettable if you aren’t one to pick and find intrigue in those weird little decisions like I do.

This was fun.

[stormears]

Some Rando’s Quick Thoughts on TROS and the Sequel Trilogy and How Nothing Means Anything, Sad :/

(I’m highlighting the most important bits because this got too long like everything I ever say or write...)

So that movie was a big mess, right. I saw some spoilers beforehand but the whole product still took me by surprise. I had fun being there and seeing Star Wars be Star Wars but...it was so fast, so frantic, constantly informing me that my previous understandings of things didn’t mean shit. 

The movie felt like completing a task list and not completing a journey. Easily could have had some Resistance person find the Sith wayfinder by accident at the very start, not knowing its importance till a little while in, and cut the quest for the dagger entirely and save 30 minutes for other, better content. Rey spent most of her time ignoring her friends and single-mindedly chasing her past and whatever task was required. Poor Finn struggles to get her attention and interact with her and almost never does, so her final hug with him and Poe only barely registers as good friends being reunited or celebrating or whatever. Throwing Rose away, who literally kissed Finn, for random Stormtrooper lady, and not acknowledging that they’ve kissed, feels mean. Feels like he rejected her off-screen. Like the SW fandom rejected Kelly Marie Tran I guess. 

One of the things I most disliked was that Kylo Ren’s inner conflict and his wrathful personality are almost entirely gone. Excluding his one wonderful scene with his father, where he’s struggling and emotional and trying to stifle it, (Dad...I know...was SO GOOD THO) he is otherwise like a stoic anime cool guy who expresses almost nothing. Adam Driver has extreme talent to be able to put life into a character even when his part of the script was so barebones. I can’t fucking believe that in the whole final conflict with Palpatine he doesn’t say anything except “ow”??? Kylo Ren says “ow” and kisses Rey and dies without a word?? WHO WROTE THIS!!

Of course I hate Rey Palpatine. I was a big fan of Rey Nobody. I love the narrative conflict (and evenly matched physical conflict/FIGHT SCENES!!) between Rey who is from no lineage and no special place, and Kylo Ren who comes from privilege and prestige. I liked that Star Wars wasn’t 100% obsessed with dynasties and blood quantums this time, I liked that there was an effort to turn away from this ferocious lust for tradition and important family history. Rey’s skill wasn’t self-made but given to her by birth, it’s her BIRTHRIGHT, all she had to do to be powerful and beat Kylo Ren was sit on her ass because the requirements were in her DNA all along. Christ. Hate this. 

However, I am not the average Star Wars fan. For one thing, the average Star Wars fan is probably not also a tumblr user. Much less one who’s into shipping. So I don’t love this movie, but I’m not sure that most people will, either. It’s not a triumphant, fun quest like TFA or a ponderous spooky introspective thing like TLJ (which many people outside of tumblr viciously hate lol) but I think the average moviegoer can still tell it’s rushed and it’s a LOT and it just feels kinda...lesser, compared to the other 2. 

I wonder whose “fault” it really is? I’m not sure if it’s just JJ Abrams or other people we’ll never be aware of. I think TFA proves he can set the groundwork pretty well. He set REALLY good groundwork for his TV show Lost back in the day but it had a famously convoluted and dumb ending. Maybe this is the same, he’s good at basic ideas but can’t end his stories well. What an awful choice to include this guy in your movie trilogy that you are deliberately not planning out, so he can fully use his superpower of not knowing how tf to end it all. 

I’m sad the trilogy is over. I didn’t expect to get as invested in it as I did. I saw the original 6 films in high school and thought they were fine. I saw TFA on a whim a month after it came out and adored it. I saw it 4 or 5 more times. I loved these new characters and their potential and the unique circumstances that made Rey, Ren and Finn who they are. I loved the canon. I’m not used to being invested in canon and it then disappointing me. 

I’m sorry Kylo died unceremoniously, I’m sorry Rey left her friends and new home to seemingly live isolated in a desert which she didn’t exactly enjoy the first time around. I’m sorry Rose was thrown away like the majority of the series fanbase threw her away. I’m sorry Finn never got the chance to be powerful or important beyond his importance to Rey or Rose. I’m sorry Poe didn’t get to be in love with Finn like Oscar Isaac literally actually wanted his character to do. I didn’t like them shoving a hetero interest at him but it was neat that she never took off her mask and straight-up said “no thx” to potential romance anyway. 

I’m so damn sorry for Kylo Ren dying fucking unceremoniously after being the most interesting character these 3 movies had to offer...this whole movie is just unceremonious, isn’t it? Rush here, do this, get that, never sit down and think or talk, just fuckin go. And just fuckin get it over with. 

I’m glad the only thing all moviegoing audiences, fandom or no, shippers or no, casuals or no, can bond over is that we all loved Babu Frik. Otherwise, the movie was messy. And I don’t know of any other majority consensus beyond that. 

Sorry, Star Wars canon, I really loved you while you lasted for me. I’ll rewatch TFA and TLJ probably once a year at least. Time to move on to FanfictionLand.