#anyone else care about them deeply
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killjoy kids - sandy pmv
(some favourite frames under the cut!)
#is anyone out there . can anyone hear me.#this took me like 45 hours if anyone else is utterly devastated about the killjoy comics this is for you#the girl and jaime they go through so much i care about them deeply#jaime ramirez you dont get nearly enough love its gonna be ok kid#anyway. Hi YAY ENJOY IM SO HAPPY WITH THIS#art#goosebxrry-art#the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#ttlotfk#killjoys national anthem#killjoys california#jaime ramirez#jaime milligram#the girl#motor baby#my chemical romance#mcr#danger days#pmv#danger days fanart#digital art#fanart#artists on tumblr
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I relate to Sanji too much because it really does seem like he’s adopted the mentality that physical and mental abuse is a form of significant affection but only directed towards himself, like he sees it’s wrong and unjust when other people are being abused, but when he’s the victim he feels this conflicted sense of I deserve it and Wow they love me so much! It’s heartbreaking just to think about tbh
#it makes sense looking at his past#and how he interacts with people he cares deeply about—besides woman who he holds#to a higher standard which I more so interpret as him looking back#on his mother and not wanting to see them abused and sick and whatnot like she was#look at how he acts around Zeff and compare it to Zoro—it’s the exact same really#not compare the above with his brothers—he’s cold towards them and obviously wants nothing to do with them completely different#to the amount of emotion displayed in his eyes AND body when conversing with the men on his crew and Baratie#hes a victim of physical and psychological abuse and severe child neglect(?)#he’s going to have a vastly different way of expressing his emotions and how he expresses them to loved ones#for woman it’s unashamed intense infatuation#that he usually expresses with a showering of flowery lovey dovey words and gifts#for men it’s closed off and angry but once you get to know him he shows his kinship through his ACTIONS#idk if any of this makes sense to anyone else lol#but Sanji is a really interesting character when looking at him through the lens of an abused child#one piece#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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Thinking about "default to violence as a form of justice and discipline" Jason and him never questioning those thought processes or his constant urge to maim others for not staying in line with his morals/beliefs (even if those beliefs are not standard/societal or are incredibly niche to Jason specifically) because he was raised under the unspoken rule of "fuck up and find teeth in your throat" in the wolf house and it only really begins to bother him when he loses his memories but as soon as he starts to remember his past, he stops caring because oh right, this is how the world is supposed to work (he does not understand why others do not agree)
#jason disapproving of abusive people but lacking the ability to recognize certain behaviours of his own as abusive#because this is the way the world works and obviously his moral code his rules his laws his ethics are pristine and perfect#and anyone who disrespects them must be disciplined must be punished must find themselves staring down sharp teeth and death#because how else is he supposed to correct them#anyway him having violent urges towards leo and piper throughout tlh and in the beginning he hates himself#but gradually through the story he accepts it so instead of striving to do better and rewire his thoughts like a typical main character#he just comes to the conclusion that he is right and being this way is fine for him and he stops questioning it#and then leo loses his arm and he feels bad about it but he can't care because it was deserved it was discipline it was correct#jason can't accept his behaviours as abusive or thoughts as problematic because that would imply his upbringing was abusive#and he cannot come to terms with that without shattering himself in the process#so he just doesn't and it's fine and it's okay don't worry about it just do what you're supposed to and everything will be fine#happy talks pjo#jason grace#junebug#june defaults to violence for similar reasons but she's significantly less accepting of it. very full of self-loathing. deeply suicidal. 👍
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i love when ppl have furries that get you invested in an animal you probably never thought about very often. shout out to every techno fan who has a deep appreciation for pigs now
#im gonna leave this one rebloggable incase anyone else has fun animal associations to tell me about#i imagine there's some grian fans who are deeply interested in parrot care now#schlannies who are obsessed with rams#his sona isnt a furry but phil fans who are deeply interested in crows now#btw im not saying like. you didnt care about said animal before the streamer/youtuber#i mean like. yeah i knew about pigs duh. they're kinda cute. were nowhere near my favorite animal#but then i met this stupid furry and i just HAVE to think about how being animalistic would affect his character kjfhgk#gotta look into pig eyesight. how many scent receptors do they have. what is their diet. are there deadly foods for them. different breeds#and now im like huh. pigs are neat! there's A LOT i didnt know about them! cool!#...do other furries do this someone please say yes KJFHDG#chat
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I know people raved for The Song of Achilles but I don't get it. It was... Solidly fine. If the whole book could have been like the last 100 pages I'd Get It, but it was mostly Patroclus being the blandest, most passive man alive, passively in love with Achilles while Achilles was The Golden Boy. It wasn't until they got to Troy that Patroclus started to be his own character, and by that point it was too late for me to care all that much about him and their inevitable tragedy. So much potential left on the table, imo
#granted im not the most familiar with the iliad and this corner of greek stories#but as i was reading i was like ''wasnt patroclus a warrior too? didnt he do stuff in the trojan war?''#meanwhile patroclus in the book was training with chiron and achilles and avoiding any fight training like the plague#made it a... good surprise i guess when he still went out and did good battle before his demise at hector's hands#but idk if the author was going for a divine moment that he was suddenly Good At Fighting when standing in for Achilles#or a twist juxtaposition?#idk the pieces of it all didnt come together for me#didn't give the characters enough early on for me to care about them very deeply and thus their tragedy didnt hit me very hard#if anyone else has read this book and has opinions id love to hear them#always curious what other's took away from books#especially when I'm def in the critical minority for not loving this book#book club
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i fear i cannot mentally or emotionally handle being conscious much longer so im gonna take a melatonin and hope to god it works enough to make me pass out by 8:30 tbh
#i. have gone through the full spectrum of human emotions today methinks (not including joy or happiness or any of the like.. naturally)#i am so exhausted and feeling deeply deeply fucking hopeless#ive spent so much of my life feeling miserable and hopeless but holy fucking shit none of that even remotely came close to the amount#of sheer hopelessness and despair that im feeling today#gneuinely. at a loss for ways to make myself or anyone else feel better#like. well at least we're alive! bitch i dont think i want to be anymore. and furthermore for a LOT of people NOT FOR MUCH LONGER probably#at least we have friends/family/community! yes and that means i have that many more people to be absolutely terrified for on top of myself#we've been through this once we can do it again! I WANT MY LIFE TO BE ABOUT MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH#JESUS CHRIST LIKE#by the time the next election comes i will be 27#meaning i will have spent the majority of my teens AND 20s fearing this stupid fucking man and his stupid fucking morally bankrupt follower#im so sick#im so tired#i have to stay alive but for what??? for climate change to make everything exponentially worse in the next 10-15 years??#for society and humanity as we know it to AT the very LEAST begin to collapse in front of my very eyes??#anyway.#like... i just...#thank god i have ppl in my life rn who care about me bc they are essentially singlehandedly keeping me alive at this point#at the end of all of it even though i can do this song and dance all day and be like "whats the point of living? why shouldnt i k myself#and the answer is that the people i love would be sad. the people i love love me too and they would never be the same.#and especially with how much a lot of them have done for me. i owe it to them to at least Try to give myself the best shot i can#us politics#election 2024#kamala harris#2024 election#uspol
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kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway
#like whether or not something's bad isn't determined by whether or not it adheres to arbitrary rules people made up and never obey#i thought we all knew that already. c'mon man. get a grip#obviously war crimes are bad but that's not where the badness potential ends y'know#this post is due to my dad talking about smth i sent him mentioning US troops firing on a bunch of guys in smth on deserters and he was lik#well they're not like citizens or refugees or deserters they're retreating enemy combattants. so it's different.#it IS different but isn't it still like. overly brutal? idk.#like would you want them to pursue Your ppl regardless? are they not allowed mercy just because you proved stronger? your positions could#be swapped easily and you'd think that as fellow combattants you would feel that deeply. idk maybe i'm just too soft or whatever but like.#seems stupid to me. war generally seems stupid to me but this specifically right now seems stupid to me#yes i know there are practical concerns and sacrifices in combat that make sense when you're actually there and me saying there should be n#wars and we should make it a fucking priority to not have wars doesn't mean ppl already in a decision-making role in the field should do#what i (an idealist) would do. they're responsible for minimizing loss and shit. whatever. doesn't mean it's not fucked up anyway.#and that's assuming the best case scenario for a leader in such a position. usually they just want to minimize Their side's losses. usually#by maximizing the other side's. or they just want to win and will sacrifice anyone for it if it's practical#which happens a Lot. usually it's a mix of the latter two to my understanding#as if americans' lives matter more than anyone else's and the other side doesn't have a right to mourn bc they offended us somehow#ugh that shit irks me so bad dude. there'll be like a terrorist attack in europe or smth and the news'll be like#ONE AMERICAN WAS KILLED. and twenty swiss. THE AMERICAN WAS VISITING FAMILY THERE ON SUNDAY MORNING WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK etc etc#fucking hate that. i don't care if they're on 'my team' or whatever they're all equally human and equally dead#why the hell should i care if one of them was an american. just say 21 people died. like i get reporting on it briefly ig to like notify#ppl At Best but like. it's so grating. why can't you be normal about other people fucking goddamn you#why is this a controversial statement. why is giving a shit about people killing each other (often for like 10 ppl's financial gain) wrong#like. come on. i don't care if they 'deserve it' or whatever because i don't think they do. and even if they Did i don't think it's#America's Time To Step Up!!! every time smth like this happens (but only when it is financially beneficial to us to do so#such that we ignore atrocities all the fucking time bc it's inconvenient. we're not superheros. we're cops.)#not saying america shouldn't do anything bc like. idk. you screw everyone over to have all the power maybe you should use that influence fo#good. but my definition of 'good' is wayyyy way different from everybody who's ever held office here apparently so like. nuts to that#eugh. anyway im cutting myself off here rant over. for now
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I think it's fine if people don't want to post about palestine on tumblr. it's not like that's the pinnacle of activism, and not posting on tunglr dot com doesn't equal not caring or never talking about it anywhere or not doing anything else.
but I do think it's interesting that so many of the people I've seen ignore the genocide in palestine on here were posting about ukraine not so long ago. clearly then they wanted to talk about war and politics on tumblr. which doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about palestine, of course. but it sure is interesting.
#I'm not going to unfollow block report anyone over that because there could be other reasons#maybe they just are in a worse place now and want to keep tumblr nice or smthg#but when it's dozens of people doing it... I will not believe that all of them are super vocal about palestine somewhere else#idk to me it'd make no sense to log on and reblog blorbo posts without even acknowledging the fact that a genocide is happening right now#tumblr is deeply deeply unserious but I don't think it means no one cares what we say on here. I certainly do#it just seems to me that arguing that it doesn't matter at all because it's tumblr is callous and also dishonest because what are you even#doing here if you sincerely think tumblr is completely pointless and you can only say pointless things on here#but then again I'm not on any other platform and not great at compartmentalising so what do I know#tumblr#mine
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Always an ephemeral presence, only noticed when I'm there
and even when I'm there, I'm really not
#the latter half of my 20's where i left canada and was recovering from a near daily desire to end my life for 6 years#i started to come out of my shell#the more i did the more deeply attached i got to people#and so many people just left without a word and left me devastated#its torture to care deeply and feel deeply#it feels like someone i cared about died#how is it any different#i cant even talk or see them or hang out with them#just live out the rest of my existence in their absence#its easy to say 'who cares'#J won't even talk to me anymore and the first 3 years we met we hung out every night because we understood each other so well#she told me every little thing about her life that she wouldn't tell any one else#now she won't even talk to me or return my calls or texts#i dont know man#how can anyone view this as anything else other than the pseudo death of someone you love and that love will never fade#because maybe they never wronged me and we just naturally drifted#and what's the point of resentment i cant change anything other than myself#so im always left wondering what i could've done differently#but that's just being forever stuck in grief
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thinking about yancey and his people pleaser attitude
#personal#he's such a sweetheart and he wants to help out everywhere with everything it comes so naturally to him#to the point it's so easy to tell someone treated him so fucking bad in the past#playing 5d chess with himself to prevent the possibility of conflict 10 steps further down the line#taking on tasks at the diner that aren't his responsibility at all just to make someone else's job easier#but at the same time doesn't let anyone do that for him because well it's His job so why would someone else have to do that for him#offering to help freddy out with garage stuff the second he hears the guy is having trouble with some things despite not knowing him#nearly jumping out of his skin from being overwhelmed when freddy gives him an old skateboard he can use to get to work#so he doesn't have to spend money that he doesn't have on a bike that'll probably end up breaking after like a month#he wants people to love him back so bad. he loves so so intensely and deeply and he wants people to want him#and he feels like he has to be useful in order to be worthy of their time and their love. he feels like he has to work for it#at some point along the way his ex gf stopped loving him in the way he needed to be loved#so he just. did anything and everything for her to just at least be close to her again so he could get like#fleeting moments of the kind of affection that he was craving. and it's so ouhhhghbbh because that's just the standard for him now#too afraid to ask people to love him in a certain way so he does everything for them in hopes they'll then allow him to get closer#while they already want him to be close!!! they care so much about him he's their friend!!!!! he doesn't need to do any of that!!!!!!!!!#anyway. i'm fucking insane. this doesn't say anything about me btw
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I adore wholesome queer media. Makes me feel warm and overwhelmed with joy.
That, however, is not stopping me from writing a fucked up, mildly toxic queer story involving abductions and murder. I may throw in a wholesome scene or three to indulge a little.
#ignore me while I ramble#writing stuff#like one guy is so deeply in love with another that he’ll cover up his murders even if one of them ends up being someone he cares about#and the other guy doesn’t necessarily love him back but he’s all he’s ever had and he refuses to let anyone else get in the way of that#tagging this as:#red herring#in case I make more posts about this story
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If I get one more comment on this discussion board telling me I'm brave or strong for being deaf I'm tearing into the professor for making this stupid fucking assignment
#stupid flighty bullshit#stop forcing people to be vulnerable and talk about deeply personal topics with strangers for a grade maybe!!!!#i normally dont care because people just lie but my god!#you realize that youve put so many people in such a hard position here right???#it's either talk about incredibly hard topics and get scrutinized or talk about surface level pain and get pity!#and neither of those options are appealing!#and i dont want to have to respond to anyone else either. i dont want to give or get pity. fuck that#and you realize that in doing this youre forcing your more marginalized students to become educators right?? youre forcing us to teach#our classmates about being less privileged and how NOT to be total dicks about it#and that's YOUR JOB#also you know by prompting people to talk about sexuality and gender that youre prompting people to come out to an entire group of strangers#you know that right???#you know how weird and unsafe that is right??#you know that a majority of your class has publicly talked about being christian and are from the midwest. one of the worst places ever#right???????#i dont know these people. i dont trust them. and you cant FORCE people to trust them#which is what youre trying to do#and it's quite literally already turning out horribly
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also worth saying that this is driving me to writing thg fanfic bc I'm genuinely pissed off, but my favourite way of engaging with thg isn't even with canon characters at this point. it's through thinking about two ocs I've had for years that I mentally refer to as "toxic fishermen yuri", and I'm incapable of writing extensively abt anything related to thg that doesn't involve them lol
#toxic fishermen yuri is like:#what if we were childhood friends who grew up together in our working class neighbourhood and knew each other in a way no one else ever wil#but you were being indoctrinated into thinking that our evil fascist government and their child murder competition were actually cool#and that you should totally volunteer for them one day. and even though I unlike you am immune to propaganda I can't abandon you#I'll never abandon you. you're the only person who has ever truly known me and I'm the only person who has ever really known you#so even after you volunteer and I watch you become twisted into something I KNOW you're not and you come back as ghost of your former self#with blood on your hands and a dead look in your eyes I'm still here. I'll always be here. I promise.#even when I become more and more deeply involved in a plot against our government and you become more and more entertwined with it#and I watch you be used and abused by it even as you claim you owe everything to them. and so many ppl I know claim you're a collaborator#a capitol loyalist and a traitor I know you're not. I know you. you had good intentions and did what you thought was right#I know you're just scared. I know you just want to protect people and you're just trapped in a web of you're own making#and given the opportunity? I know you'd take a way out. I know you'd do the right thing. I dont care what you or anyone else thinks.#I'm still here. I can't abandon you even if I wanted to. and I know you won't abandon me#and also we were both girls#anyway. they make me unwell </3 I love toxic homoerotic friendships. I literally can't talk about them or I just. do what you see above#I go completely insane and I know literally no one else will care lol#op
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OK TIME TO EXPLAIN THE NEW JOE AU!
WARNING for talk of possessive behavior
I present...
The Corrupted! Joe AU
Ok the actual premise of this new au is that Joe's body holds residual dark magic from ZZ's possession of him, which basically poisons his brain, warping him, making him volatile and also highly possessive of those he cares about. It's as though it's putting him under a spell of sorts, kind of like what happened to Todd. At least this time he gets to stay in his own body...
The patrol team and bb brigade trio, whom he deeply cares about and views as his own kids, he is especially possessive of. He won't let them leave Caliosteo, their vivosaur medals are likely taken from them, as well as their access to the vmm machines. It probably gets to the point where he won't even let them leave Cranial Isle. Joe doesn't realize that what he's doing is overly controlling and scaring the kids. The magic has made him think that all this is genuinely necessary to keep them safe. Despite his overprotective/overbearing behavior he is still kind and caring towards them, and when they're with him, he's relatively calm and things can seem almost normal. Almost.
Joe has become VERY easy to anger too and anyone who dares to so much as look in the kids' general direction may be deemed a threat to their safety and thus risk being attacked or even killed by him. He never directs his anger toward the kids, however. At most he gets frustrated at them if they attempt to leave.
While Joe can't use the residual dark magic to cast spells (as far as anyone knows anyway) he has gained a boost to his physical strength and endurance. Scary scary stuff.
The whole au revolves around the staff leaders and Scatterly trying to find a way to get Joe back to normal while also trying to prevent him from hurting anyone, and that includes keeping the kids away from him for the time being.
This of course prompts an enraged Joe to hunt them down to get his flaplings back. Igno help them...
#fossil fighters#fossil fighters champions#joe wildwest#the corrupted joe au#aw yea/oh no new au tag#zesty's ramblings#zz still fucking shit up from beyond the grave#and when I mean fucking shit up I mean fucking Joe up#If anyone else that Joe deeply cares about visits Caliosteo he will probably try to keep them there forever too#I think we need to hit him with the pipsqueak again clearly he was not hit hard enough last time
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posting hnw-related things to twitter feels so weird its like Do They Know im not just doing redraws ? im actually crazy insane about this i got credentials and everything im overqualified for redraws
#i may not still go ham as much but i like to think i still got the ao3 rights#when i draw a redraw of a song theres careful consideration#there's the Allowing characters that aren't the originals to take the spot of others i already care deeply about#of course enstarries that will edit anyone onto character-specific cards wouldnt get it. tch.#sorry mental illness slipped.#this is also why i didnt assign songs like yellow seika or honto no watashi (or even samishigariya and. you know. yumefan)#to anyone in that one post they're too character-based for me it's a great responsibility to let someone else have them#that said. hajime honto no watashi Checks Out.#mar's midnight rambles#well if im being completely real sometimes its vibes alone. but im Right about the vibes#because i can judge those vibes thanks to having been into honeyworks for (checks calendar) like 8 years#damn.
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