#any anger that is in this post isn't really logically what i think

[nerdvi]

In the wake of the whole james somerton fiasco and inspired by this post, I wanted to share a few of my um, soft signs, like, orange flags to detect when someone is bullshitting you.

First of all, I am on the spectrum which means 1) I tend to take what people say at face value and 2) I have a strong sense of justice which makes me prone to biases, all of which combined means I am at perpetual risk of swallowing the bullshit.

So, what to do about it? You turn on the critical thinking and pay attention.

As one of my favorite youtubers, Hannah Alonzo, likes to say: "consider the source, remember the motive". Who is talking to you?? What do you know about them?? What biases might they have?? How do they interact with your own biases?? Where are they talking from?? Is it anger?? happinness? boredom?? Also, why are they talking to you? Are they trying to sell you something?? Are they trying to convince you and why?? How do they go about the finantial motivation, if present? If you have, in this case, a white cis gay man talking to you as it he has it the worst of the worst in the world, there's probably some exaggeration and you should start to wonder. There's a good chance he's bullshitting you.

How they talk about women and POC No, no, stay with me. There's a rule I had back when I was dating men: Always beware of how they treat their mother. With the exception of extremes like mama's boys and cases of abuse, how a man treats the woman with whom they have that familial bond is a good indicator of how they are going to treat you. Do they berate her? speak ill of her? are aggressive or controlling? do they dismiss her opinions? Same with creators, and by god I tell you, specially cis male creators, queer or otherwise, always always beware of how they speak of women, how they treat women, how they treat POC. Somerton had a weird vendetta against straight women. It went mostly unnoticed. Then, he was dismissive towards lesbians and other queer women and it was once again overlooked. Then he went ahead and made sinophobic content about genres and cultures he knows NOTHING about. Again, it went unchecked. What I am telling you is IT'S NOT NORMAL. Contempt about women and non white-western cultures is not normal and if someone has them as them as an enemy or a scapegoat, they're probably bullshitting you. Take what they say and fact check it, see for yourself.

If at any point in a video or an essay you find yourself thinking "wait, really??" then it's time to fact check. Is it a bit suspicious?? is your logic telling you that's not quite how this works?? Then take to google, my friend, they might be bullshitting you. At worst, you dodge a fake fact, at best, you learn way too much about a topic you were already interested in.

Beware of the lack of nuance. I can not stress this enough. We all love monochrome, but life and societal issues are never black and white. It's just impossible, there's too many factors to consider. If you are being presented situations or anecdotes as absolute truths, you're probably being bullshitted. If it's too good to be true, it is. If it sounds waaay too convenient, it probably is. A good researcher, a serious investigator, will always have some nuance because they have done the work and checked the sources. If someone provides you 1) no nuance and 2) no sources, THEY'RE BULLSHITTING YOU.

These are the ones I can come up with just of the top of my head, I'm sure there's more and please, add them. Remember that naivité isn't a crime, I'm fairly naive and that's made me distrustful, and these are some of the techniques I've found that help me navigate through a world of information without losing myself.

[sokkastyles]

To be honest, the most controversial character for me in Avatar is Mai. I'm not even referring to her relationship with Zuko, but basically her position on the show. And in the comics, it gets even worse. It's like she doesn't really have any character or arc, and she's just doing what the plot needs (Like betray Azula, because the princess must eventually lose all she loved ones for her downfall.) Therefore, most of her actions and words seem illogical to me. She loves Zuko at the same time, but it's not bad for her to hunt him as a traitor? She supports the war and the imperialism of the Fire Nation, calls Zuko a traitor to the motherland, but when Ozai is overthrown and Zuko replaces him on the throne with a completely different policy, she is just fine. I mean, when did she change her mind? One minute she supports the status quo and doesn't mind Zuko communicating with Ozai and advises him to accept things as they are, then in the comics she resents the fact that Zuko asks his father for advice. What's in her head anyway? The same goes for her relationship with her parents, who are cold, but at the same time she covers up for her father, who is plotting. It's as if the scriptwriters never tried to look at things from May's point of view and build some kind of logical chain for the development of her character, rather than just using her as a plot tool. I think I would like Mai a lot more if I understood her at least a little.

Yeah, Mai's biggest problem as a character is that she's mostly used as a plot device. She does what the plot needs her to do. All the writing in the comics is like this, but Mai is written like this in the show, too. I remember when I first watched the show, when Mai showed up at the Boiling Rock, I initially thought she would save Zuko before she started yelling at him. Her anger at him for pulling the standard hero "breakup to save her" is so inexplicable. Like I get that you feel rejected, but people's lives are at stake here, Mai. And then her betrayal of Azula a moment later is equally inexplicable. I get what they were trying to do, but it's just not built up enough. She comes across as a misogynistic caricature of a crazy emotional girlfriend because her actions are over the top and do not make sense. The other day I saw a post saying her arc is "subtle" and that's why people don't get it, and no. None of her actions are subtle. She screams and yells and throws things and reacts to everything with dramatic biting sarcasm. Her betrayal of Azula is a grand gesture that was clearly supposed to be the climax of her arc, it's just not built up enough and we have no idea what Mai herself feels about anything that isn't Zuko, and even then, we know very little of how she feels about him. How did their love develop from when we saw her blush at him as a child to when they were on that ship in book three? How DID Mai feel about having to be part of capturing him? How did Zuko feel? I've said this before, but there should have been some tension there, some conflicting feelings, especially once Zuko betrays himself to go back home and gets to be Mai's boyfriend. Since that isn't explored, it makes his relationship with Mai feel like a lie, and another facet of Zuko being someone he isn't, and Mai just another person who would never love the real Zuko instead of the idea of who he should be. Just because she doesn't want to see him die doesn't mean she really understands him, or his cause, as you mentioned. But as I have said many times before, what really hammers that home for me is that when she comes back, she assumes they are still dating, and tells Zuko to never break up with her again. Like, I get that it is supposed to be a joke, but that's the problem. Mai Strong Female Characters her way back into Zuko's life because the writers thought it would be funny and cool and sexy. Look how funny and cool and sexy she is! She's pointing fingers in Zuko's face! We wrote a Strong Female Character!

But there was no thought given to Mai's actual motivations. And worse, they had an abuse victim for whom this is supposed to be his triumphant moment of independence from his abusers be in a relationship with someone who was a part of the life he chose to leave behind and told him that breaking up with her wasn't his choice and acted like that was okay. Again, I know it's all a joke, but it's an ugly one.

I don't think she's controversial, though. We've seen this type of writing for female characters before, as my reference to the Strong Female Character implies. She's cool, she's badass! She loves the hero despite him not doing anything to prove his worth, but to make up for how awfully he treats her, she treats him awful right back! She has to do over-the-top things constantly because otherwise the narrative will forget about her completely. She's edgy in whatever way will appeal to the audience the writers are trying to appeal to - in this case weaboo hot topic preteens.

[eamour]

emotions do not matter.

! this post was highly inspired by former loa blogger aphrodite apprentice !

emotions and feelings, the way neville coins these words, are of different nature. when speaking of emotions, we are speaking of unconscious emotional experiences. feelings, however, are a conscious act and usually a reaction to our emotions — which, according to neville, are the secret to help us manifest.

emotions vs feelings.

an emotion is an immediate reaction to your emotional state of mind, whereas a feeling remains a lot longer and is felt for a longer period of time. emotions could be joy, fear, anger, lust or sadness. the counterparts in feelings would then be happiness, anxiety, bitterness, love or depression. if something unpleasant happens in your life, you will react to it emotionally first. only later, you will be able to form a feeling. as you can see, an emotion is a lot more intense and often manifests in a physical reaction (ex. facial expressions), not based on any reasoning while in contrast your feeling is based on logical reasoning. you could say a feeling is a way of explaining an emotion with thoughts which you have felt due to external experiences. this also means that not every feeling will always be accurate enough to explain an emotion and how you actually feel emotionally.

emotions cannot manifest ...

once again, a feeling isn’t the emotion itself. your feeling has nothing to do with our emotional state of mind but rather your mental state of mind. that means that your feelings, longterm, are more concerned with what you feel to be true or false, right or wrong and real or unreal.

mental · relates to the mind; thinking process.

emotional · relates to emotions; feeling process.

... only feelings can.

especially because a feeling does not necessarily have to correlate to an emotion, it is entirely up to you to define your feeling. you could replace feeling with what you accept, know or believe to be true. it's a thought. and an emotion isn't. you may not help the way you emotionally feel — and you shouldn’t! you should never suppress an emotion and feel sad, angry, etc. — but you can make the conscious decision to define your feeling. and since a feeling is a state, after all, you can manifest anything you'd like while feeling like you are at your lowest (or highest). your emotions will not manifest!

emotions arise.

as i was saying, an emotion is a pretty much sudden response. you may lose something and feel bad about it, maybe you had a fight with your friend or perhaps you were told some unsettling news. whatever it is, you will always feel some intense type of way from time to time.

emotions fade away.

the thing is, emotions come and go. you may feel super joyful one minute and then feel super sad the next. that’s totally normal, and we are definitely not trying to fix our wonderful human nature in any way.

emotional responses.

emotions are a response. when manifesting, when changing your feeling, you might also experience emotions of some sort. you may feel euphoric of manifesting something that has always felt very prestigious or hardly available to you.

but the same way, you could not feel anything at all. some manifestations aren’t going to move you the way some manifestations do, but that’s not an issue! the premise is, you don’t HAVE to feel excited. you don’t have to jump out of happiness whenever you think about how you manifested to find your keys you had lost the other day. remember, emotions come naturally. you don’t have to force them.

accepting and persisting.

the only thing you really have to do is to accept your desire as yours and persist in that assumption. feel it to be true, to be real, to be factual. that’s what feeling the wish fulfilled means. the feeling of your assumption to be realty.

with love, ella.

[sematarygirls]

Living Dead Girl Pt. II — Patrick Hockstetter.

part one

pairing : patrick hockstetter x ghost!reader

summary : patrick gave into his urges and finally tested his morbid curiosities on prey much larger than just a cat or dog. little did he know his actions would come back to haunt him... literally.

warnings : patrick being a psychopath , animal cruelty , male masturbation , graphic descriptions of murder and suicide , reader being manipulative , degradation , sexual themes ,

word count : 4.5k words !

a/n : can't believe i'm finally posting this after a year and a half. also this is my first attempt at smut-ish so i'm sorry if it's ass. im not gonna say this is 18+ bc I myself am not 18+ (im turning 18 this year tho) also im not your mom and idgaf what you read.

"Finally," a voice sounded, causing him to drop both his can and his plate. The sharp sound of glass breaking followed by a loud thud echoed through the room as the plate and soda can collided with the floor.

"No, no, no," Patrick shook his head, shutting his eyes. "This isn't real. I killed you. You're not here. You're not real."

"Sorry, babe," the voice, your voice, whispered into his ear. Your warm breath fanned his ear, and he felt his whole body tense. "I'm very much real."

"That's not possible," he said through gritted teeth. "I watched you die. I buried you!" He opened his eyes, convinced that this was all some terrible drug trip. Maybe the weed he'd just got from Henry was laced, or maybe he was suffering from a temporary psychosis. Either way, there had to be some rational and logical reason that he was seeing you.

However, when he saw you there, sitting there with a smug look on your face, your presence as solid as any living person, he felt his heart skip a beat.

You tilted your head, eyebrows furrowing as you pouted. "What's wrong, Patrick?" You asked condescendingly. "Don't act so scared now." You walked toward him slowly, watching him scramble backward in a panic. A smile spread across your lips as you saw the pure fear in his eyes when he hit the wall behind him, having nowhere else to go. "You weren't scared when you stabbed me. You weren't scared when you watched me bleed out in your arms. You weren't scared when you buried my body like some animal you found on the side of the road." Your voice was seeping with anger as you stepped closer and closer, cornering him. "So you don't get to be scared now."

Patrick Hockstetter was not someone who was frightened easily. In fact, up until this very moment, he didn't think he had the ability to be frightened at all. His unique ability to remain calm and collected in situations that would often stress others out was one he was prideful of. However, at that moment, he felt all composure and level-headedness dissolve. For the first time in his life, he was scared. Not just scared—terrified.

"What- What do you want?" He asked, his voice shaky as he looked into your eyes. You no longer looked at him like he hung the moon. There were no remnants of your innocence and naivety—willing to trust that people have the best intentions. There was nothing behind your cold, lifeless eyes. It was like staring at a corpse.

"Now, what's the fun in that?" You grinned, leaning forward so your face was inches away from his. Your gaze flickered to his lips. The same lips you thought he'd planned to kiss you with, but instead, he'd stabbed you in the stomach and mocked your intelligence. "You should really watch your back, Patrick," you whispered with a devious smirk, your breath fanning over his face. "I heard the search for me is really picking up after they found my blood in the woods."

Your words snapped him back to the reality of the situation at hand. He had killed you. What you were saying was impossible though. Right? He was meticulous in every stage of his plan. There was no way they found any trace of you. "What are you talking about?" He asked, his eyes searching you for any sign of deception, but you were impossible to read like this. He was no longer able to detect everything from a single glance. He only knew what you wanted him to know.

Without another word, you disappeared, leaving the boy spiraling as he went through all the events of that night over and over again. "Come back!" He screamed, his voice echoing through the empty house. "You can't just leave like that you bitch!"

Patrick let out a frustrated yell as he grabbed the nearest thing—which happened to be a porno mag—and threw it across the room in a fit of rage. Who did you think you were to haunt him? To come into his room, make him feel that horrible emotion, and tease him just to leave abruptly?

He sat on the edge of his bed, trying to control his heavy breathing as his anger took over. You had to have been lying, trying to get into his head. He hated to admit that it was working. He was supposed to be the one in your head. This was his world. He controlled everyone and everything. You shouldn't be here. You should be dead and buried like he had intended.

He fell back in his bed and took a deep breath, letting his mind settle as he chased sleep. He told himself you would be gone tomorrow and that would be that. Your appearance to him, like something out of a Charles Dickens novel, was just a fluke. Tomorrow you would be dead and all would be right with the world.

He drifted off to sleep, having convinced himself that he would never see you again. He was able to get a few hours of sleep, but you weren't going to let him be at peace for long

At around 4 am, Patrick had a very vivid dream that he was choking. He was gasping for air, clawing at his neck as he looked around frantically. His surroundings dissolved into a pitch-black room. He felt his lungs burning, his brain growing fuzzy as the oxygen left him. It felt so vivid, so real.

He awoke in a panic, sitting up straight as he gasped for air. His lungs felt like they were on fire. Like he had truly been deprived of air like he'd dreamed about. He panted, catching his breath as he looked around at his room, thankfully finding no signs of you. However, when he finally felt secure, able to draw a breath without feeling like a thirsty man drinking water, he realized the pillow that had been behind his head was now sat on his lap.

The realization dawned on him that he may have been actually suffocating, and you were the culprit. He shook his head, trying to expel the thought as he laid back down, throwing the pillow off into the black depths of his room, so he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. It was just a dream. Just as you were just a vision.

Patrick wasn't stupid, though many would argue to the contrary. Just because he didn't give a shit about school and didn't try didn't mean he wasn't smart. He just saved his intelligence for things that actually mattered—like planning and executing a murder.

That in mind, his refusal to accept the things he deep down knew to be true was not, as some would think, him being stupid. On the contrary, he believed himself smarter than to believe in silly things like ghosts. Dead things stay dead. He'd learned that at a very young age. He knew when he killed his brother that he would not be coming back. Just as he knew when he killed you that you would not be coming back.

Ghosts don't exist. He wasn't dumb enough to believe that.

As he laid in bed, trying to rationalize himself into a calm enough state to fall asleep again, he found himself more on edge with every creak of the old house around him. He stared up at the ceiling, his eyes conspiring with the moonlight to play tricks on him. His breath hitched at every shadow dancing around the dark.

You were proud of your work, and you had barely done anything yet. You watched from the shadows, pleased as he seemed to run himself in circles trying to cope with everything going on. The mere thought of you was torture enough.

You grinned, biting your lip as a thought washed over you. As a ghost, not bound by the physical realm, you had the ability to do a lot of things. One of those so happened to be raising and lowering the temperature in a room.

You focused hard, raising the temperature several degrees, making Patrick swear at the sudden sweat washing over him. You watched with a satisfied smirk as he pulled his shirt over his head, trying to cool himself off.

He didn't have a six pack or anything, but you didn't expect him to. He had a lean, toned torso with a very sexy v-line peeking out from his jeans. A small tattoo sat on his stomach just above his v-line on the right side. You couldn't make it out in the darkness, but you didn't care much. The sight of it alone was enough.

After all, who said you couldn't mix a little bit of business with pleasure.

He had taken away the rest of your life, all the possibilities of experiencing having your first kiss, losing your virginity, falling in love. It was only fair he made up for that in one way or another before your time together came to an end.

The time passed agonizingly slowly with Patrick staring at the ceiling and you watching him, studying him like he was some foreign thing. It was so interesting to watch someone when they don't know they're being watched. Of course, he felt the hairs on his neck stand on end, his body detecting the unseen eyes on him, but he chalked it up to paranoia—as he did every other unexplainable thing that seemed to be happening to him.

His mind drifted off, the heat making him restless as his brain filled with gruesome images of his previous kills. He sifted through his memory for the most interesting ones—dismembering birds, beheading cats, snapping a squirrel or two's neck—but none of them seemed to get him off anymore.

The image of your face right after he stabbed you made it's way into his mind. Your eyes, so wide and filled with fear. He could practically hear your sweet voice crying out, asking why he would do this to you. The thought made his cock tighten in his jeans.

He reached down, palming himself through his jeans with a groan. Reliving the sounds of you choking and coughing up your own blood had his fingers working quickly to undo his belt. He tossed it to the side, practically ripping the button off his jeans as he pulled them down along with his underwear, allowing his dick to finally be free from the restrictive fabric.

He spat in his hand, gripping his cock and lubricating it. He caught his chapped lower lip between his teeth as swept his thumb over his pink head, smearing his precum across it. He let out a low moan, letting his hand travel up and down his dick at a slow, agonizing pace. He kept his eyes screwed shut, immersing himself in the memory of your murder as he stroked himself.

Patrick was not a moral man by any means but this was a new low. Getting himself off to you, in his mind, was no better than if he was imagining one of his dead animal playthings. You were nothing to him. You were roadkill.

But, for some reason, the fresh sight of you, wearing the clothes he killed you in with that dark blood stain right where he'd stabbed you, your hair all matted, and the cold, lifeless look in your eyes, made it so easy to relive that night in great detail.

It was the greatest night of his life. The biggest release of pressure he'd ever felt since he began getting those homicidal urges—those itches. He didn't think he'd ever get to feel that euphoria again, but fucking himself to the thought of it would get him pretty damn close.

He let out a strangled moan, his hips pushing into his hand as he came, and he was right, it was the second-best feeling he'd ever felt. It didn't compare to killing you, but it was enough to satiate his urges once again.

He laid there, panting for what felt like hours. The time moved by so slowly until finally, the sound of the alarm block beside his bed blaring pulled him from his thoughts.

The red numbers reading 7:30 blinked slowly, reminding him that he had to get up and get ready for school. He leaned over, smacking the top of the clock roughly to silence it before falling back flat on his bed, preparing himself to get up.

He groaned, pushing himself up and grabbing a random pair of jeans and a shirt that smelled clean enough. He quickly got dressed before making his way back downstairs. He knew Belch would be here any second to pick him up—he always woke up later than he was realistically supposed to.

He slipped his boots on, and a few moments later, he heard Belch laying on his car horn. Rolling his eyes, he opened the door, heading outside and letting it slam just behind him.

"Calm your tits," he shouted in annoyance. Patrick always had a short fuse, but after the particularly restless night in which he'd been visited by some fucking ghost of Christmas Past, he found himself particularly irritable.

"Dude what happened yesterday?" Victor asked as Patrick climbed into the blue Trans Am.

"You were totally tripping the fuck out," Belch chimed in, starting the car and peeling out of Patrick's neighborhood.

"Dumb fuck can't handle his liquor," Henry scoffed from his spot in the passenger's seat.

"Shut the fuck up, Bowers," Patrick bit back, gazing out the window. "At least some of us don't piss our pants when we drink."

"It was one fucking time you dickhead!" Henry defended quickly, his cheeks turning red from the embarrassment.

At the feeling of someone's hand on his thigh, Patrick quickly looked over at Vic. "Don't fucking touch me you-" he paused just short of spitting some derogatory remark about Victor being gay and a freak when he saw you sitting between him and Victor, grinning at him darkly.

"What the fuck are you talking about, dude?" Victor asked, bewildered by Patrick's behavior. Patrick was always an odd one, but he never acted this weird.

"He probably smoked himself fucking dumb," Henry grumbled, still annoyed about the pants pissing remark.

You held a finger to your lips as climbed over onto his lap, holding onto his shoulders to steady yourself. You just wanted to rile him up a little, make him feel suffocated by you, like he could never escape. And truly, he couldn't. You were never going anywhere until you believed justice had properly been served, and you would take that in any form.

He glared at you, but you paid him no mind, leaning to whisper into his ear: "How cute," you condescended him. "You thought I would just go away." You dug your nails into his shoulders making him sharply inhale, trying not to tip off his friends to the seemingly unwarranted pain he was feeling. "You will never be rid of me," you whispered menacingly, looking deep into his eyes with a sickening grin that made nausea pool in his stomach.

In any other situation, having someone on his lap, digging their nails into his shoulders would probably have been a pleasurable experience, but this was not any other situation. This was a nightmare he couldn't seem to wake up from.

When Belch finally pulled into the school parking lot, Patrick couldn't get out of the car fast enough. You disappeared as he scrambled to unlock the door and get out, finally feeling like he could breathe. He pulled his shirt collar to the side, looking down at the angry red marks where your nails had been. They served as a disturbing reminder that you were really there, and you could do anything to him.

"You get laid last night, Hockstetter?" Belch asked, grinning as he saw the red marks.

"That why you ran off yesterday?" Henry snickered. "You pussy whipped?"

"At least, I actually get pussy," he sneered, paling as he heard your laugh echoing around him the moment the words slipped from his lips. It was a deafening sound. Like a mix between a cackle and a scream that seemed to permeate his surroundings.

His jaw clenched, eye twitching as he resisted the urge to cover his ears. Apart from not wanting to look insane, he also didn't think it would help much. You weren't around him. You were in him, in his head.

The bell could faintly be heard going off inside the school, making Victor curse under his breath. They had two minutes to get to class or they were late.

"Mrs. Denton's gonna throw a bitch fit if I'm late again," he groaned, watching as Henry lit a cigarette.

"Kiss ass," he remarked, taking a long drag before exhaling the puff of smoke into Belch's face as Victor walked away.

"You asshole," Belch coughed, shoving Henry.

"Oh, shit." Henry's eyes widened as he tossed his cigarette on the ground, quickly stomping it out. "Let's go," he ordered, making his way up the stairs to the front doors of the school, looking behind him frantically.

Patrick's eyebrows furrowed at the sudden shift in Henry's demeanor. He followed the brunette's gaze, his eyes locking with those of Butch Bowers, the sheriff.

"Wonder if they're here for you," your voice taunted him, breath tickling the back of his right ear. He turned, preparing to come face to face with that condescending smile you always seemed to be wearing, but you weren't there.

He looked back, finding Sheriff Bowers still staring at him, seemingly ignoring whatever the deputy was leaning into his ear to say. Patrick wasn't one to back down easily, but your presence, your warnings, had him on edge. He quickly advanced forward, his lengthy legs providing long strides as he followed suit in heading inside Derry Highschool.

The sounds of his heavy boots hitting the linoleum floor echoed through the empty hall as he made his way to his math class. Victor was right; Mrs. Densen was going to throw a bitch fit that he was late, but he didn't care. He wouldn't have cared on a normal day, but on this day, with the police sniffing around and you practically breathing down his neck, he cared even less—which he didn't even know was possible.

He pulled open the door to the classroom, a hush falling over the students as he entered. Most stared at him wide-eyed, some avoided looking at him altogether, and he briefly caught Vic looking at him with sympathy. The teacher, however, was glaring at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Mr. Hockstetter, late again I see," she said pointedly. "You've earned yourself a detention after school today." Patrick stifled a laugh as he made his way to his seat at the very back of the classroom. "Is something funny?" She asked, her tone displaying clear annoyance.

"Yeah, that you think I care," he rolled his eyes, slipping into his desk. He tuned out whatever lecture the teacher decided to give him after that. His gaze drifted to the empty desk in the front row— the one you used to sit at.

"Don't go feeling remorseful now," you said into his ear. He felt your arm around his shoulders as you leaned down, your face positioned next to his. He turned to look at you, and you turned to look at him, your faces almost touching.

your breath fanned across his face, the moment oddly intimate until you grinned at him, opening your mouth and emitting an ear piercing scream.

"Ah," he grunted in pain, his eyes screwing shut, and his hands gripping his ears. It felt like his eardrums were seconds away from bursting and causing blood to pour out of his ears. "Shut the fuck up!" He yelled, the room, and you, falling dead silent immediately after the words left him.

He peeled his eyes open, his hands falling as he looked around. "Excuse me, Mr. Hockstetter," the teacher gasped, clearly taken aback by his outburst. "Take yourself to the principal's office right this instant!" She ordered him.

His blood began to boil as he stood up abruptly, storming out of the classroom and slamming the door behind him. He was getting very very sick and tired of your little games. He headed toward the back door of the school, not wanting to cross paths with Henry's dad.

"This doesn't look like the way to the principal's office," you mused, appearing beside him. He stopped, turning to shove you against the locker. He groaned when his arms made contact with the locker instead of your body, and your laugh echoed behind him. "You think you can hurt me, how cute."

He let out a frustrated groan, smashing his fists against the locker. He couldn't stand you. He couldn't stand having someone that he couldn't manipulate or hurt but that could manipulate and hurt him. "What do you want with me?" He asked, refusing to look at you.

"To break you," you grinned. "To have you begging for it to stop."

Yeah, right he thought.

He was Patrick fucking Hockstetter; he didn't beg. He didn't bend to the will of others, especially not some dead bitch. He was determined not to let you win. You would eventually get tired of tormenting him and go back to wherever the fuck you came from. He was sure of it.

Oh, how he underestimated your patience and overestimated his resilience.

He lasted exactly a week. A week of you screaming and poking and scratching and fucking with his head. A week of people staring at him like he was insane with his random outbursts and talking to the air. A week of torment before you finally had him right where you wanted him.

"Just leave me alone!" He begged, standing in the middle of his room with his head in his hands. You had finally drove him to the brink of insanity, and he didn't know how much longer he could live like this. You, being everywhere all the time, taunting and touching and teasing, it was too much for him. He couldn't take it anymore. "Go away!"

You tsked, grinning at him, that condescending grin that filled him with indescribable rage. How could you look at him like that? Like he was stupid? You were the stupid one. You were killed by him not the other way around!

"I'm afraid that's not how this works," you told him, shaking your head slightly. "I get to stay until you give me what I want." You took a step, punctuating the next words you said with a pause between each one and another step forward. "However. Long. It. Takes."

"What the fuck do you want from me?" He yelled, desperate to get you away from him forever.

"Well," you drawled, running your index finger along his chest, making him flinch. You smiled at the effect you had on him. He talked a big game, getting mad when you left—cursing, throwing things, even—having the audacity to fuck himself to the thought of your murder— but when it came to being face to face with you, he cowered away.

Ain't nothing like a little fear to make a paper man crumble as Henry Bowers' father once said.

"I'll be nice and give you a choice," you said darkly. "You can turn yourself in," you almost laughed at the way his demeanor hardened. "Which we both know you're too proud and stubborn to do," you continued. The intrigue behind Patrick's eyes was undeniable as he eagerly awaited his second choice. "Or," you trailed off, grabbing a razor from his dresser and holding it in front of his face. "You can die."

"You're a crazy bitch!" He shouted, though his inability to mask the tremble in his voice made him sound less than threatening.

"Maybe," you shrugged, admiring the sharp piece of metal. "Hmm," you hummed. "I wonder how you'll feel about me in another week," you asked thoughtfully. "I bet you'll be wishing you took the chance while you had it."

His jaw clenched at your words. He'd already lost a considerable amount of sleep because of you, and the thought of you tormenting him any longer was a fate worse than death. "Why don't you just kill me?" He asked defeatedly. You'd backed him into a corner that he was positive he couldn't get out of without doing things your way.

"I'm not you, Patrick," you spat hatefully. "I don't kill people or things."

"What? Like driving me to suicide is any better?" He scoffed, challenging your sense of superiority over him.

"You have an informed choice," you told him, trying to regain your calm. You didn't like losing your temper, especially not to the likes of Patrick Hockstetter, scum of the earth. "That's a luxury you didn't extend to me."

He eyed the blade in your hand warily. He didn't like accepting defeat. He would never admit to killing you. Being confined to a tiny room, unable to satiate that burning itch deep inside him whenever he needed; it would drive him mad.

"Go on," you urged him softly, holding the razor out for him to take. "Put yourself out of your misery. End it all and be free."

He looked between you and the blade hesitantly, a million thoughts running through his mind as he tried to make a decision. Glaring at you, he took the blade. A scowl formed on his face as he observed the triumphant expression that you seemed to wear immediately after he made his choice.

"Two deep cuts, and you'll never have to see me again," you assured him. That all but sealed the deal. Patrick didn't believe in heaven or hell and death didn't scare him. Being caged like one of the many animals he's so cruelly killed scared him more than dying. He walked over to his bed, sitting on the edge.

He sucked in a breath, pressing the blade into his wrist and dragging it upward toward his inner elbow. He clenched his teeth, deeply inhaling through them. A groan of pain fell from his lips as he felt the warm blood begin seeping from his wound, running down his arms and onto his jeans. He continued the action on the other arm, feeling nauseous and lightheaded.

The blade fell from his trembling fingers, clattering to the floor as he fell back onto the bed. His head felt foggy, and the pain began to melt away into numbness. His eyes began to droop, and he faintly saw your outline standing above him.

He just barely felt you lean down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. His ears began to ring as his eyes fell shut. The words you spoke next were the last he would hear before his heart slowed to an eventual stop. He almost couldn't make them out, the sound muffled, as if he was underwater, but his mind used its last bit of energy to process them before giving out.

"Goodbye, Patrick Hockstetter," you said softly. "May you burn in hell."

tags! : @fatfagsj , @mysticalhills , @simpingforthe80s , @slasherho , @pinkpanther-44 , @slaggylemon , @kyranisnotdead , @ladydragiiss ,

[salmonlyster]

hes waving at you hes just weird

ive used the name frances the most but fritz is really growing on me :p okay more thoughts under the cut lol

im not sure i like the idea of him being on a scholarship anymore since that implies he has an attachment to the school which is NOT like him at all. my initial thought was hes on a scholarship because hes valuable to the student body (again, really smart when he puts effort into things) but i think thats a bit too complicated and i would have to work around that logic a lot.

he's still in constant danger of being kicked out, though. and a constant target of harassment. he doesn't do it on purpose persay but he doesn't make any sort of effort to conceal what he does whatever the fuck he wants. type of guy where you would think he has no social awareness, but he's very aware! he just doesn't care. type of kid that flushes random shit down the toilet or puts firecrackers in it. burns his homework in the bathrooms. hides cigarettes in his boxers and skips to go smoke behind the dumpsters.

him and illi are the first to meet each other (and on illi- i love the name illi, and will definitely keep it, but will likely change their last name :3). illi is really frustrated with school because it's miserable for them, but they just kind of float by without bothering anyone else. illi has a bit of a complex about it where they feel like they should at least be bullied or something of the sort to justify how much they hate school. in short they enable each other and become public nuisances, but there's a weird dynamic about it. willis has been a target his whole life, and is ambivalent towards it because of how he's grown up with it, but is frustrated with illi's fascination with that. illi struggled talking to others growing up and goes days without speaking to their classmates, and struggles to form substantial connections to others. there's never a negative attitude towards illi by the student body, but there's never a positive one, either. they have a lot of pent up rage and think that getting beat up on the near daily would make their anger worth something.

on the socialization thing, louise's conflict with others is less that he can't form connections, and more that he isn't particularly interested. he takes his academics very seriously and eats lunch in the teacher's room (one of the english teachers) (which I will get into later in a louise-focused post). he views school as "networking" and more like a professional work environment than anything, so becoming friends with others isn't something he thinks about doing. if he put in the effort, though, him and illi would be equally awkward.

also, i really like the idea of willis being trans, simply because his uniform is worn really interesting. the pants are lower on the hips to give the illusion of a longer torso, which is something that trans men (myself included lol) do to conceal their hips/give a more masculine frame. i know the intention was just to be a sloppy uniform but i think it could be interesting. I likely won't take that idea that far.

also let me know if youre interested in the playlist im making for this :3 ok bye now ill prob not like this drawing in the morning but we ball

[kinardsevan]

I think a big part of why Ryan feels comfortable enough to say the things that he does is that he knows he won't be punished for him. He won't be fired by Tim, a certain group of fans will always defend him. or ignore the things he says. Like if people aren't ignoring that he said slurs, they're defending it, saying it was years ago and he was sticking up for his wife. And just seem to outright ignore the comments about women.

and this is the issue that allows the discourse to grow. Look, I know that at the end of the day, the same way we all love the colloquialism "far above my paygrade" that these fuckers probably figure the discourse caused is probably too far below their paygrade on it's on them to figure out how to create any kind of solution or speak up in any way to help quell it because, at the end of the day, they're "just working". it's "just a show".

except htat it's not. because we have people on one side doing SO MUCH to try and create a good footprint (for the most part. I will acknowledge that there have been fans called out--rightfully so, too--for choosing to take the low road and use slurs just as the other side has... while that ~spoken for~ other side continue to spew vitriol, hate, and honestly straight-up abuse and slander in some cases. I'm not really one to get on tumblr often and engage in the discourse of "Tommy's viewed as this while Eddie does that"...

EXCEPT. Lou shot the character of Tommy in season 2 with VERY little knowledge. By that logic, he went into season 7 with the same mindset. Tommy, in both of those situations, was not intended to become what he has (at least initially, in terms of s7). He showed up, hit his marks, made his money. Good on him for it, too. And to that end, you have fucking TM & Co. stating the fact that while we don't have Tommy Begins, we also kind-of do because we get to see his growth over time. Further, if we ultimately end up getting him into season 9, 10, etc., I'd like to think that at SOME point, they're going to have to give us more backstory on his life. What drove him to be as clammed up around Gerrard as he was. Did he genuinely not like Hen and Chimney (I doubt that) or was fear a driving factor? Had they actually lost a probie before Chimney? What was it like, going into the army and seeing all of that death, and then being a firefighter? (my headcanon on that, btw, is that Tommy did LAFD at 18, enlisted after losing someone sometime after Chimney Begins, but was out and back with the LAFD by the time Hen Begins airs in 2011.) Especially having to do it under Gerrard? And then, we get Tommy back, five years on from those episodes (and chronologically, roughly 20 years out from the first problematic behavior, and fifteen from the second). We also know that for Bobby Begins Again in 2017, he's GOOD with Chimney and Hen. They built a strong bond with him and Sal, and life was good for all of them together. So we're going to sit back and hold hate against a character for choices he made in his early 20s? This is the same issue with those who want to call Lou out for stuff he posted on Insta 10/15+ years ago. I am not at all sitting here and dismissing the behavior, but I apply Gabriel Iglasias' logic to it: it's not acceptable now, but it was viewed as acceptable at the time.

Here's the difference: Ryan's behavior was not and IS NOT viewed as acceptable now. His slurs in the late 2010's were ALREADY problematic. As someone who was around for the aughts, 2010s and beyond, using that vernacular outside of that particular culture has not being viewed as acceptable for quite some time. I don't care WHO he was defending. If he really needs to sink as low as using the N word, it's pathetic. There are plenty of other curse words you can use in a fit of anger that isn't going to invoke an entire race of people in a poor way. the misogyny issues aren't any better, and if anything, they continue to build on the issues happening in the US government at this very moment. I've had a number of conversations with my bestie about the fact that we haven't seen anyone from the 9-1-1 cast speak out about the protests happening at the moment and it's like...

Ok. >Oliver probably can't. We assume he's here on a visa, there are likely contractual issues to speaking up, etc. Also, while he makes a decent amount of money on the show, with the cost of living in LA and everything/one else he has to pay, I don't imagine he's living the high life. (also cameras and film are expensive AF). >This doesn't necessarily impact anyone else as much. I'm okay with letting Lou off the hook, because he's not a main cast member and there's definitely a small to moderately sized impression in the fandom that he's among the alphabet mafia. Not wanting to draw that attention back to himself is understandable. Referring back to how expensive it is to live in LA, and him not being a main on 911, let me remind yall of something.

in 2024, I did a post about how people were complaining about him with his cameos and their cost, etc. I mentioned that during the strike an actress (whose name evades me atm, but I can see her face in my head and I want to say that it's Michelle Hurd, but I could be wrong.) Whoever it was though that was in the video (which was from SAG), talked about your average working actor and explained THIS: >the average working actor that is NOT a main on a primetime show average somewhere between like 6-7k per episode (roughly, my memory isn't super clear on the number, but I'll explain why that doesn't matter in a second). To that end, most working actors that we think of who do guest spots usually do 2-4 spots a season, but usually around 3. Now, they don't get to TAKE HOME that money. Out of that money comes their dues, the cost to their agent, the cost to their publicist, living expenses, and so forth. Further, just to QUALIFY for SAGs health insurance, you needed to clear more than 24k+ a year as a working actor (again, I don't have the specific number). So... 7x3=21. Then you take out taxes, and then you start nickel and diming that shit. While we can assume Lou was/is definitely making more than he was, and that he probably was doing better after being bumped from guest to recurring along with his spot as Rocker, homeboy probably isn't clearing anywhere near what his costars are who are mains on their respective shows.

Beyond that, we have others who I can still give the benefit of the doubt. Aisha, if I remember correctly, has immigrants in her family. I imagine Kenny does too. But why am I willing to give them a pass and not Ryan? (Because they're not out here touting conservative barefoot and pregnant culture bullshit into the ether).

The people I severely struggle to give a pass on this TRULY, is Peter and Angela. Based on my google search THIS WEEK, in 2023, Angela was making 450k per episode. Assuming she clears 500k now.... homegirl doesn't need to listen to any contractual obligations on what she can/cannot speak about. she's doing just fine with or without 911. I'd even make that argument for JLH, who has spent YEARS being a main on one show or another. Her last two shows, she was top billing. THESE are the people who need to be speaking up/out. It's utterly baffling that a show with a cast that is black/white/asian/hispanic/italian hasn't said ONE WORD about what's happening at the moment.

I realize this completely devolved from my original point, but it's also stuff that needs to be said, because at the end of the day, if someone would pick up the reigns and speak on THOSE things, then maybe someone would open their mouths about the things Ryan is putting out into the ether. I truly cannot fathom how this man has put his rhetoric out into the world more and more increasingly in the past few years, and continues to go unchecked.

anyway.

[deathfavor]

Something I love about these last two chapters is we REALLY get to see the troupe's understanding of Chrollo. Of course we KNOW they know him, but this is a different level than we've seen before in canon versus common fanon. We've KNOWN they deeply care about him; the whole Yorknew City arc made that clear and also brought about the interesting situation of where different members stand - whether the put Chrollo as a being first or Chrollo's ideals / beliefs for the Troupe first. And there's no wrong answer here (okay there is to Chrollo actually but he doesn't hold it against them). Both valuing Chrollo as an individual as well as putting his command "the spider before any individual" show that the members CARE about him. This isn't a secret. They all go to such lengths to show they care about him.

But caring doesn't necessarily mean you UNDERSTAND someone. We see that in so many other bonds and connections in HxH. People care but they misunderstand, or don't actually know how a person will react despite thinking they do.

This isn't the case with The Troupe. They all understand each other so deeply, and we did see some of that back with Yorknew City arc, but 405 & 406 are when we get to see it in regards to CHROLLO specifically. Because even in all the times we see him, he remains a very ELUSIVE character; both in understanding and even just in panels or frames in the anime.

But here we have Bonolenov saying he knows Chrollo is struggling with inner conflict and emotion. With a character like Chrollo, it could easily be brushed off as this being one character's point of view, but what makes this so EFFICIENT in that IMMEDIATELY in the next chapter we have Chrollo confirm that Bonolenov was right. " I'm struggling to control these conflicting emotions. Patience is a virtue, but I can't afford to wait around either. " I don't think this would have been NEARLY as effective if we had this Chrollo introspection 3 or 4 chapters later. The fact the chapters are back to back drives how well he's understood, especially because to this point, Chrollo's shown very little signs of truly being shaken by anything that's happened beside a panel or two. Furthermore, we have the other troupe members comments + Bonolenov explicitly saying that the rest of the Troupe wants to find Hisoka first BECAUSE they all know what state Chrollo is in and they all know Chrollo is just ACTING composed.

They know Chrollo knows. And they all know he knows they know. But he keeps acting the same because he is logical first and foremost. It's just cracking at the seams. He acts because Chrollo struggles to understand himself, to identify himself, and this anger and pain forces him to be more of an individual rather than an abstract concept ( i.e. recall when asked who he is he simply says "The Spider" ) which isn't something he's been for a LONG time. Since the Troupe began, really.

This is far from any eloquent or pretty post, and it's become something of a ramble, but the point is that I love it's canon now just how deeply the troupe understands Chrollo and vice versa, even if Chrollo's presently struggling. Not just in a logical sense, but even understanding Chrollo's emotional state better than Chrollo himself currently is. Hence why they're working so hard to find Hisoka first, even though Chrollo wants to personally kill him again.

[autistic-beshelar]

Hey! I'm very interested in what you've told me about antisocial personality disorder, neurodivergence, and empathy vs. compassion so far. I would love to hear more!

hi, sorry this has taken me a bit to get to, i've had a hectic few days, and i knew i'd end up writing a lot!

ASPD:

i'll start by saying that i don't have ASPD, so i'm just going to give the basics and hand you off to people who DO have it. it's important to bear in mind that ASPD is primarily considered traumagenic, and that, like any other disorder, it can manifest in a bunch of different ways, and people with it can behave very differently from one another.

ASPD is a cluster b personality disorder characterised by low empathy, limited range and depth of emotions, disregard for other people's feelings, disregard for societal conventions and morality, chronic anger, and chronic boredom. the common view of pwASPD is that they are violent criminals, but that is primarily because research is only ever done on the worst kinds of people, and i'm sure many of them are misdiagnosed. i'm sure i don't need to explain to you why basing a disorder solely off of people in prison is fucked as a concept, given how both the prison system and psychiatry are both incredibly flawed. (it's also for this reason that i have no scientific studies to give you, because the only ones i've come across are grossly ableist)

having ASPD comes with a lot of challenges, but having a disorder - any disorder - doesn't make you a bad person. from what i have seen, a lot of pwASPD don't so much 'not have morals' as have a deep distrust of authority and base their morality on logic or serving their own interests. in fact i've seen an awful lot of pwASPD who are very left leaning or are anarchists. of course there's also plenty who are right wing assholes, but that kind of goes to show that a disorder doesn't dictate your morality, it just might lead you to approach your sense of morality differently.

ASPD resources, from actual pwASPD:

https://shitborderlinesdo.tumblr.com/post/115096247519/the-anti-social-personality-disorder-checklist

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/life-with-antisocial-personality-disorder-aspd/ (cw for mention of csa)

https://inanawesomewave.tumblr.com/post/177638772232/the-bones-of-it

EMPATHY:

my favourite thing to rant about. empathy is wildly misunderstood by most people, so let's start off with a proper description. there are two main types of empathy: cognitive and affective. you will also see some people say that there's a third type, 'compassionate empathy', but i have never seen a definition of it that isn't based on the idea that empathy is necessary for compassion, so i'm ignoring it, and i'll get to compassion later.

cognitive empathy: basically, thinking about feeling. cognitive empathy is the ability to recognise and understand emotions. it is involved with reading people's expressions, or understanding why a certain situation might cause a certain emotional response.

affective empathy: this is typically what people mean when they talk about empathy - the ability to feel what someone else is feeling.

it's extremely important to note that this is fucking impossible. 'feeling what someone else is feeling' is some sci-fi nonsense. it isn't real. the belief that it is causes a lot of harm.

affective empathy, properly defined, is the a person's emotional response to an emotion that they perceive someone else having. it isn't always as simple as 'i'm happy because they're happy'. affective empathy can also be involved in more complicated situations, like feeling afraid because of perceived anger (which leads to a whole conversation about hyperempathy and hypervigilance and the relationship between them, but that's a whole other post that someone who actually has feelings would be more qualified to write)

so that's empathy. it's really just a bunch of feelings that we have about or in relation to other people's feelings. there's no moral component to feelings whatsoever. morality only comes into play when action is involved. which leads me to...

compassion: being kind, not as an inherent state of being, but as a choice.

i'll talk about my own experience here, but i've heard similar from other people with low/no empathy, and i've heard similar from some pwASPD as well.

i choose to be kind because i believe it's the right thing to do. i see a lot of injustice in the world, and it makes me furious - in fact, for me, it's primarily my anger that fuels my compassion. my morals have been based partly on feeling, but also on logic, and on a lot of research. to me, being kind is logical and sensible. it's logical to want people to be happy and safe and free. it benefits me too, for starters.

i don't need to feel sad about people's suffering to want it to stop. and though i don't really feel much empathy, i do still get emotional about things - i can still be sad or angry or happy about certain things happening, it's just... less than other people.

i look at the world around me and i try to find things that i can do to make it better because i think that's my job as a human. sometimes i'm bad at it, and sometimes i'm too tired to, but at the very least i can refuse to cause harm, and when i do, inevitably, cause harm, i can make amends.

(there's also a long discussion to be had about how basing your morality on your ability to empathise with people makes it extremely easy to no longer care about people who have been dehumanised, but that's a post i don't feel qualified to make)

a book i am desperate to read on this subject is Against Empathy by Paul Bloom, but here's an article about it, which is of course not perfect, but makes a lot of interesting points: https://www.vox.com/conversations/2017/1/19/14266230/empathy-morality-ethics-psychology-compassion-paul-bloom

i hope that helps explain some things. if you have - or anyone else has - more questions, feel free to ask, and i'll do my best to answer.

[gffa]

Dearest gffa, you are the only person I know whose been reading Batfamily comics. (Though I do read some of the fanfic haha). The destiel meme informed me that Bad Things just happened in the latest comics. Is there a primer to the latest drama? (Everyone seems upset). Are you ok?

Best wishes, your fandom neighbor on Star Wars Street

I assume this is about the Batman #148 leaks? I haven't seen a ton of drama (other than a couple of posts, including the Destiel meme notification that got me to go see what was happening) but if that's it, it's kind of funny, because okay. As far as I've seen (the issue isn't even out yet, so I can't read it until tomorrow, I'm only going on the leaked panels I've seen) what happens in the issue is that Failsafe-- okay, let me back up. In the current Batman run (written by Chip Zdarsky), awhile back Bruce created a super powerful robot that was meant to be activated in the case of him going rogue so that it could take him down, and it's very coldly logical, based on his patterns, so it knows him extremely well and is hard to beat. It's powerful enough that it apparently took out the Justice League awhile back (I haven't read that arc yet, so take that with a grain of salt), which means now that Failsafe has gone rogue in the current Batman series that Zdarsky's writing, Bruce is having a hell of a time fighting it, especially with his "backup personality" Zur-En-Arrh (Bruce is a paranoid shit and I love him the most) is also running amok in his head and he's fighting back against that. Back up further--in late 2023, there was an event called "Gotham War" that was basically, "Bruce has been through a lot of shit lately, so he was out of commission for several months, in that time Selina stepped up in Gotham and started training crooks to be cat burglars instead of rogues' goons, Bruce woke up, thought this was bullshit, despite that crime was down, and they basically had a turf war while Bruce was losing his goddamned mind because of what he'd been through and because Zur-En-Arrh was literally ratting the bars of the cage of his mind, and part of the fallout being that Bruce dosed Jason with a gas that basically made his adrenaline go wild any time he would do anything dangerous, so that he could no longer be in this life of crime or vigilantism, because Jason had killed a lot of people, but Bruce couldn't bear to send him to jail, so this was the only way he could live with taking Jason out of the life they lived". Gotham War was extremely controversial--I had fun with it, because it was BONKERS and I fuckin' love bonkers stuff in the "punching people in the face solves crime" genre, but a lot of people were really angry about how Jason was treated in the arc. Zdarsky co-wrote Gotham War, so this is a continuation of a lot of people's frustration and anger towards how Jason has been treated by DC especially by this author.

There's also a lot of lingering frustration and resentment in fandom because Jason is not always written well or frequently. He doesn't have his own solo book these days, half of what's written about him is written by authors with VASTLY different takes from the other half of the writers out there, and there's a lot of fanon that goes around with Jason's sub-section of fandom where I think it furthers the divide because the fic that's written about Jason delves deep into his character in specific ways that the canon doesn't match and I think it can set expectations for some fans that are just not matched by DC themselves, either because they see Jason differently or because Jason just doesn't have a lot of fans at the company itself, I couldn't say for sure. So, now comes Batman #148 leaks (it's not actually out until tomorrow), where Failsafe kills Jason and Bruce has a dramatic reaction to it, and a lot of people are furious that DC would kill Jason at all, much less with such little fanfare, after how little focus he's gotten over the last several years. The thing is, though, that Jason doesn't stay dead, he's alive again by the end of the issue (I've seen panels from later in the issue) and I'm not sure how many people are reacting just to seeing the posts flying around fandom versus how many people have actually seen the whole context. Because context is slowly rolling out, but people generally aren't soothed by that, given the lead-up to this moment. Basically, years of Jason not getting much focus in the comics + the events of Gotham War have led to a powderkeg of a situation and the contextless leaks (ie, without the panel where Jason's alive again) took a match to the whole thing. And that's what's going on, as far as I know! I personally am having a great time because I was extremely skeptical that they would actually kill Jason without any fanfare and also I like Jason as a hot mess with crunchy relationships with people and that he's done bad things and had bad things done to him/been a victim as well, so all this messy drama in the story has me living for it. (This would have been a very different situation if I'd thought Jason was really dead, but I didn't, so I'm doing fine right now. Also, my Blorbo is Dick Grayson, so I've already been through this wringer and I'm still mad at DiDio for it, so it's Jason-Blorbo's time now.)

[skippygiraffee]

Now I wanna hear more of your thoughts about Raihan and Leon and their insecurities wrt each other, and how they might solve them please.

absolutely, thank you for asking <3!! as per usual with me, I'm unsure how long this will be, so I'll put my thoughts under a read more for the sake of people's dashes/the tag. BUT I do think about these two a lot, especially this side of them, so I have a lot of thoughts floating around in the mind palace that I will try and materialize >:3c

I have a hard time picking a place to start with these two because the aforementioned mind palace is more like brain soup, and I'm trying to pick out the tasty bits from the broth with this one (meaning I think about it a lot, a lot) and it's hard to put pen to paper so to speak. but essentially, I doubt either of them started their careers with high self esteem to start with, and then I have in my own personal headcanon that Rose specifically pitted them against each other for the sake of numbers and marketing. it would be good for his bottom line, and Leon's brand as a champion, if he had a really strong and flashy rival, and Raihan was right there begging for the spotlight for various reasons.

when it comes down to each other specifically, however, here's a breakdown of some of those insecurities:

Leon is infinitely jealous of Raihan's freedom and that he has control over anything in his life

Raihan resents the effortless way in which maintains his popularity

Leon's body issues manifest in being spiteful towards Raihan's assumed ease with posting on social media

Raihan feels like Leon never has time for anything or anyone outside of Rose's elite circle of people

both think the other has social skills that they themselves seem to lack (for Leon it's interpersonal relationships and close friendships and for Raihan it's the way Leon is seemingly comfortable around and with powerful people), and they feel equally small when the other is in those settings

there's a lot of unresolved anger and tension from the years and years of being sold as rivals that has done immense damage to their relationship, and neither thinks they can overcome it

Raihan in convinced that Leon will always be, forever and always, out of reach in every possible way

Leon thinks he'll never be good enough for Raihan unless he remains at the top, the best, the undefeated Champion

to break some of them down a little more, Leon just doesn't have time for anything or anyone that isn't Rose or the League once he's Champion, and of course to anyone he's close with that's going to sting. and I think Raihan has a habit of questioning his place in people's lives, to the point that any shift in energy or attention can feel like the end of the world. so for Leon to just be busy with shit out of his control would definitely fester and build inside him, to the point where I think a lot of that boisterous energy on the field in battle is Raihan trying to let out that building anger towards Leon, when he logically knows it's not Leon's fault. however, logic and emotion don't always meet at the same junction, so Raihan and Leon have definitely had fights that spilled over into their shared friendgroup over how Leon will just ghost everyone for months on end.

I also think both want what the other has, in that childish way that kids always want what their friend is eating, but also in the very adult way of wishing their lives had turned out differently. Leon so desperately wishes that he wasn't caged up in Wyndon, forced to perform, forced to be Rose's left hand (because Oleana is his right, and Leon isn't even good enough to be there). he loves battling, loves his Pokemon, loves everything about what he does except being Champion. so he wants to be Raihan.

and Raihan is sick and tired of always being one step from the top, constantly reminded that he isn't good enough to be Champion. so painfully aware of the sacrifices that come with it, but he'd be fine with it for a taste of the adoration that Leon has. he wants to feel what it's like to wear the crown, be loved and cheered for, rather than hearing someone else's name being yelled from the stands the moment he enters the field anywhere but Hammerlocke. he wants to be Leon so bad it hurts, makes him privately bitter, and publicly aloof to avoid dealing with it.

Raihan has spent so long looking up, and Leon has spent so long feeling trapped I truly think it's a genuine shock to the system when the whole thing just stops. Leon wakes up in the morning Champion, and goes to bed dethroned. and it wasn't even Raihan who took his crown.

dealing with that is a whole other beast, you know? because they defined a good chunk of their relationship on the rivalry dynamic. do they scrap it, do they keep it, what do they do with that? how do they look at and deal with all the emotions being thrown right on the floor after Leon is defeated, because Leon is also dealing with the after effects of the whole Darkest Day event, which is at best just a natural disaster narrowly avoided, and at worst an extreme upheaval in the lives of so many people thanks to Rose being in prison and his company being left without leadership and Leon being left with lifelong ailments thanks to it.

honestly, once Leon is ready for the conversation, I think a lot of anger on both their parts comes out first. tears, yelling, the works. where they just start listing off all the built up anger and resentment from the years. it's not healthy, by any means, but they aren't sure how else to really lay it all out. and once it's out there they have to figure out how to deal with it, like unpacking an old closet and finding long forgetting items, and figuring out whether to toss or keep them. for Leon, he's just sorry, because he wishes he had been better for Raihan, for everyone, and he carries all the guilt in the world for the past decade or so of being Champion. he let everything fall to wayside, and now he has to figure both himself out and how he fits back into people's lives. for Raihan, he has to really really confront where his anger is coming from, and he hates that it's been staring at him in the mirror for a long time, being displaced onto Leon.

the legitimate things wrong with their relationship, like the foundation it was built on and how they talk to each other and treat each other, they work it out by slowly rebuilding everything. not from the ground up, because they can't erase what happened, and don't want to, but their rivalry is different. they battle together, but they'll be damned if the other outdoes them in making curry (Leon can't, but that's because both Hop and Raihan aren't sure what the fuck is up with his tastebuds). a lot of it is just them mellowing out, getting calmer about things, and doing their passions in different ways.

I dunno, I just like thinking of them as middle aged guys who still think their older mons can still duke it out like they're spry, and of course will for them, but Leon and Raihan laughing and having fun. and the local kids are wondering how these two were once these fierce rivals that their parents still talk about, when they're just sitting back and having a relaxed match. where the baggage of the past still comes up every now and then, but they get to sit down, have the time to talk about it, and come back better. I think more than anything they work it out with time and openness, honesty and compassion, more than anything. and it's what they deserve really.

[skylarmoon71]

Dick Roman: Oneshot - Fraternizing With The Enemy.

It didn't make sense.

He knew who you were and he had you captive. There was no reason for you to still be breathing.

His henchmen were watching you like a hawk, handcuffed to the bed. Your head was still slightly throbbing from the hit you'd received, but your frown is set. When the door to the room opened and you spotted the perfectly tailored suit, you prepared for the worse.

That grin was planted on his face.

"A Winchester as I live and breathe. I can handle it from here. "

He ushered the men away and your hard stare moved to him.

"Dick."

His smile just widened.

"I'm honored that you feel so comfortable using my name. Most people insist on the surname, I think it's more courtesy. Spineless walking meat."

You kept your face stoic, if nothing but to show no fear. Sam and Dean were already cooking a plan, all you had to do was stall. The second they came bolting in, the bobby pin in your hair would be enough to slip out of the cuffs.

"So what, you're just going to talk my ear off, or are you going to eat me."

There was a look in his eyes that had you a bit unsettled.

"I do enjoy a meal before bed, and you're already here, so maybe I should indulge."

You swallowed, now slightly tugging at the cuff on your wrist. He was just watching you, so close. He could kill you at any time, so why wasn't he? You have no doubt he's aware that your brothers will pull a rescue. After all it's their fault you're in this mess in the first place. You told the idiots the trail they were chasing was a trap, but no one ever listens to the logical one.

"While I'd like nothing more, wherever you and I have an encounter, I lack the urge to feed. Typically looking at you sad excuses for organisms give me that tingle for a bite, but with you, it's different."

His hands moved to his wrists, slowly loosening the cuff links. You're not certain of what he's getting at, or why he still doesn't chomp down, not that you're really complaining. You appreciate all your bones being in place at the moment.

"So tell me, anything tingling?"

His words are confusing. You're trying to keep your tough facade, but the longer he looks at you, the faster your heart races. You'd like to say it's adrenaline, or simply fear, maybe even anger, but that would be a lie. His hands drop, and he moves over, taking a seat on the bed. You're trying to straighten from your lying position, hand now a bit stiff against the metal bed post. It's hard given your angle.

"How many times have we met so far, four?"

"Five." You reply, gritting your teeth.

That just urges another smile from him.

"You're keeping score, I'm flattered."

You're liking this less and less. You're about ready for the calvary.

Where the hell are your brothers!!

You're in a pretty vulnerable position as it is. You suppose there are worse ways to go.

At least he has silk sheets.

"See, I'd like to think of myself as a people person."

"Really, is this before or after you eat them?"

"I'm ambitious."

You snort.

"I'll remember that when we finally chop your head off."

The threat makes him chuckle.

"Is that really what you want to do?"

Your brows knit, eyes holding nothing but agitation.

"Of course, you really think you're going to turn this planet into a buffet! We're going to stop you."

He clicks his tongue.

"I have no doubt that Sam and Dean want their revenge, but you, not so much. I told you, I understand people. It's hard not to be in this type of profession. I've got a really good feel for you and I can tell right now your heart is beating a mile a minute, but it isn't terror, is it (Y/N)?"

His words make your eyes widen.

"W-What the hell are you talking about?

This is going into dangerous territory.

He smirks.

"I think you know."

He licks his lips, and when he leans over, you should be petrified. You know what he is, what he's done, he could kill you right now and feel nothing, but instead his hand presses into the sheets at the side of your head.

You're positive your expression must say it all. Surprise is too small a word. His lips are possibly an inch away, but he doesn't close the distance. Your breath is shaky, shallow. You're almost certain you might not even be breathing anymore.

"You want me as much as I want you, don't you Winchester?"

His eyes flicker to your lips and you gulp.

Those words should not be causing flips in your stomach.

"Y-You're wrong!!"

"Am I?"

His breath against your lips feels like a drug. You should be trying to free yourself, but your brain is scrambled. To make matters worse, you couldn't be in a more compromising position. You're laying in his freaking bed.

Handcuffed.

"I'll kill you!" You threaten.

"Foreplay, exactly what I like."

He pulls back, and you curse yourself for missing the feel of him hovering. Closing your eyes, you turn your head. You need to regain some kind of composure. You take a few calming breaths. When you feel the release at your wrist, you look up.

Your hand drops and Dick just leans back into a seated position.

"You're free to go."

The cuffs fall off at the side and you're still just lying there in disbelief.

"Walk on out, I won't stop you."

Maybe it's your hunter instinct that kicks in, but you slide your machete right out of your boot, and in a matter of seconds you have him pinned to the bed, blade at his neck. He's still grinning at you, hands against the bed in a surrender. You hate the fact that this is certainly a trick.

"I'm not like those others, it'll take more than a blade to subdue me, but you can take your best shot."

You figured as much.

The boys dropped a car on Edgar and he walked away and he's just a lackey.

Even if that's the case, you should try, you've never thought twice before, so why hesitate now?

"Feeling squeamish?"

He's taunting you, right about now you should make him swallow his words. Something, anything other than staring at his delicious soft looking lips.

"Do it."

Your breathing staggers and before you know what's happening you're dropping your blade at the side of the bed, and grabbing the collar of his suit. Your lips press into his desperately, and he reciprocates with just as much heat. This man could very well snap you like a twig, but instead he's groping your body like you're both teenagers hiding under the bleachers.

He rips your plaid shirt open and you gasp, but don't fully pull away. His hand finds its way under the parted fabric and you moan into his mouth when he cups your breast. His hands are a bit rough in their ministrations, but you're not much better. Your tongue is exploring his mouth thoroughly as you grind your hips into his.

This is wrong on so many levels, but you can't seem to stop yourself. Your fingers start tugging at his shirt. You manage to get the tie off, and his shirt is your next destination. You pull the material and the buttons all pop off. He lets out an appreciatively groan, and you pull away, lips moving to his neck. His eyes are closed and his hands move to your back.

"You're good at this Winchester."

It's a little murmur.

"Shut...up.."

You growl between kisses.

He just laughs, pulling you back towards his lips. You accept, enjoying every bit of it.

You hate that he smells so good, feels so amazing.

You should stop, you need to stop. You have to.

"Don't stop."

It sounds like a demand, one you seem to find yourself following.

At least until the door to the room is kicked in.

Apparently the cavalry has arrived.

"Son-of a bitch!!"

Yep, that's your brother alright.

You practically jump off the bed, stumbling to your feet.

"I-It's not what you think!"

"Really! Cause it looks like you were sucking face with that wide mouth monster! Dick, really!!"

You wince, moving to your brother's side immediately. They both have machetes. Sam is also holding a bottle of what you can only assume is borax. As you glance in the corridor, you see the two idiot guards from earlier lying on the floor, heads a few feet away.

Dick finally rises, still sporting that air of confidence.

"You boys couldn't have come at a worse time. Things were just getting interesting."

"Shut up you wide mouth bastard!! If I didn't hate you enough before now I'm gonna enjoy chopping your head off!!" Dean is furious and Sam still looks as though he's processing what he saw.

"Seriously?"

You stammer.

"D-Don't judge me, you've slept with a werewolf and a demon!"

"Fair enough." Sam reasons.

"No, not fair enough, this is Dick!!" Dean complains.

"At least my first crazy was an angel, things could have been worse right?"

Dean is still holding his blade threateningly at Dick, but your statement seems to divert his attention.

"Wait, what? What angel?"

You laugh awkwardly, because you can see Dean going over all the potential ones that you've encountered that haven't tried to off you. When he lands on one, he looks on in disbelief.

"No..Cas!?"

"W-We were both drunk, it was only one time!" You defend.

His mood has gone from bad to worse.

"Damn it (Y/N)!!"

There's nothing you can really say to justify the discovery. It takes a moment to realize you're all still pretty much standing there with Dick. He hasn't really moved or said much.

"You're a fiery woman Winchester."

"DON'T FLIRT WITH MY SISTER!!"

Dean throws his glass bottle with force and it breaks on impact on his face, the sizzling echoing. With the distraction, he takes your hand, pulling you along and Sam follows behind as you all take off running.

"Call me anytime (Y/N)." Dick shouts.

Running through the building, you cut through a few more of his guards before you're all jumping into the car, Bobby at the wheel.

The drive home is interesting to say the least.

Bobby was obviously curious about Dean's overly pissy mood.

"What the hell is with our family and monsters, seriously?!"

Dean sounds a bit beside himself.

Sam looks away awkwardly and Bobby just shakes his head once he gets the full story.

"Idjits." 

[homoeroticjunoincident]

wouldn't it make more sense if mind spoke lojban? trying to play up a facade of logic and lack of emotion points more to lojban than toki pona

also mind seems like it'd get pissed the fuck off if it wasn't fully and clearly understood, and toki pona doesn't always lend itself to clarity

i'd say this is correct however i headcanon they speak toki pona for less logical reasons (i think it's fun for them to have a shared language that soul doesn't know and it leads to a lot of possibilities/bonding/whatever, i know toki pona and not lojban)

yeah i'd say mind at least says he wants the utmost clarity whenever he talks, and toki pona is definitely not that. english or whatever native language you headcanon him to have would Probably be the most clear, honestly, though (and then of course, for clarity it should be a language that both people involved have the best grasp of- mind might learn toki pona for spite reasons to be better at it than heart, or maybe intellectual curiosity or whatever that's not really the point, but would heart learn The Logical Language on mind's whim? probably nottt)

additionally also consider where he's learning the language/how/why/etc.

iirc heart is the one to learn toki pona first because, like you said, toki pona just isn't something mind would learn - i doubt he would learn any conlang at all, even lojban, because they simply aren't practical, and practicality is truly what's logical, or else he would be speaking in binary. he just isn't the type to learn a conlang for speaking purposes. at most it would be an intellectual curiosity to him, which i think toki pona is to him, when/if he genuinely starts to enjoy it.

anyways, for these reasons, it just doesn't make sense for mind to learn any conlang at all, let alone toki pona, thus, if you want either of them to learn toki pona, heart is your best bet. he does things out of whims, like if he thinks they'd be fun, not practicality, so all you have to do is just say he thought it would be fun for whatever reason, which is far much less of a stretch than contriving a reason for mind to learn toki pona (or any conlang).

you could easily leave it there because most people don't require extensive explanations for Characters having Hobbies unless the characters are freaks who must do everything for a practical/logical reason, even if that reason is just a lie, or the audience are freaks who require an explanation for every single bit of the character. if you don't want to, however, you can easily find reasons for heart learning toki pona, like something something toki pona sounds goofy.mp4 (volume warning), something something soul, something something 'ooo mind look i'm doing an Intellectual Task way better than you i'm learning a language that you don't know please cope and seethe now', and you can probably think of another reason if you want. mind just not have this versatility. his ass would NOT learn a conlang

thus, heart has to be first and it's super easy to make up a reason he'd learn it and it's super easy to say that mind's competitive because of his pride or he hates heart or both, probably both. you could apply this to a lot of activities (just you can't say heart would learn lojban because HIS ASS WOULD NOT LEARN THE LOGICAL LANGUAGE!!!!!!) so if you ever have a niche hobby you want to crowbar into a cccc fic, then there you go. (expect my fic on heart and mind trying to solve a square-1 by midnight /joke)

minor points before i post this-

i think mind would enjoy the challenge of translating things into a language, and toki pona would probably be as good as any other (? multilinguals chime in).

what i mean by the soul thing is that heart and mind might want to talk about things that would anger soul-

a) soul is (at least seen as, by them,) volatile

b) if soul was listening they can't exchange death threats anymore :( (the rate at which you think soul is listening, or you think THEY BELIEVE soul is listening, depends. on one side of the scale soul could be sleeping as much as possible because it's the closest to death or they could just go outside, on the other end soul could be extremely afraid of them killing themselves or him, or you could give them paranoia about being watched, it's up to interpretation)

idk like. maybe they just want to threaten each other when soul is right there can you really begrudge them that? idk maybe they just like the safety of knowing soul can't be listening. idk maybe they just like having a shared secret sort of thing. bonding time ^_^

i believe this is everything i can possibly elaborate on, i don't know why i decided to be as thorough as i could be but i did, thanks for the ask you can send more if you want or if you require clarification. also i don't have anything against lojban it's just that i like toki pona and no other conlang (and that's the reason why i decided to make them toki poners) and also he would never learn the logical language

[endopropaganda]

so what I'm hearing about SAS is that you don't like or understand nuance, you're unwilling to find out the kind of info on their blog yourself, even if those resources could benefit you and your followers, so you're deciding to just turn a blind eye to it

Is that right?

It sounds about right and I'm disappointed, SAS does more for the CDD community than most other blogs

Block me if you want, but I'm not wrong, the only reason all of you (general you to refer to the large number of newer anti blogs), is because they corrected antimisinfo for misinformation, antimisinfo called them an endo, leaked their main, and then tried to cover it up by telling everyone to block SAS

But sure, keep them blocked, keep telling all your followers to block them

As I explained in a previous post, we are conflicted on them mainly due to CROSSTAGGING. Which, as i already mentioned, causes overstimulation for us due to our autism (Aspergers, which is an outdated medical term, to be specific)

Endo neutrals are on our DNI, and if this is nuance, then we have every right to block them due to that making them endo neutral, which is stated on our DNI. We had been considering taking that off our DNI, but in light of this, fuck no, we aren't doing that.

Not once did we tell anybody to block SAS. We said WE were going to block SAS. And not because of their stance specifically, but because we have gotten almost 15 asks with conflicting ideas about SAS and want to STAY OUT OF DRAMA.

The fact that the narrative you made out of this is "Oh my god, you hate nuance" is the exact reason this blog exists. We are NOT a syscourse blog. We are a blog dedicated to pointing out logical fallacies in screenshots. How something SOUNDS and how something ACTUALLY IS are two VERY DIFFERENT things, and you cant make an opinion solely on how it sounds to you. Not only that, but your making a critical assumption without really knowing anything about us prior, So far, the only members of the system involved in this situation are me (Mocha) and Magenta. Neither of us are the headmate that runs this blog. This blog isn't run by just one person, either. So you're making an assumption about not only 3 PEOPLE who run a blog, but also an entire system's opinion on a situation. An entire system who doesn't even know this situation is happening and I can GUARANTEE you would not have anywhere near the same response as me. No. I am not going to block you, unless you send another one of these spontaneous, anger fueled hate asks. Because then, I will care even less than I do now.

I (Mocha), as a low empathy protector, do NOT give a shit what you think of my host's blog. The only thing I give a shit about is when people make assumptions without sufficient information about the topic they are making assumptions about. I will be removing anon asks for the time being. Since this situation has caused Magenta several episodes. We will not be engaging in this situation further, and if any attempts by others are made to continue to engage, it will be ignored.

Thank you and goodnight.

-Sincerely, A very petty and pissed off Mocha

extra part to this post

[otts-the-verminqueen]

SBG/Star Rail! Time to combine again!

Gonna think about which paths and types each of the kids would have.

~~~

Ashlyn

Path: Hunt

Hunt path characters tend to admire determination, ruthlessness and tenacity, and I feel like she fits at least two of those qualities. She's a very determined person (15 years without making friends, jeez) and she can be pretty ruthless (very blunt with her words).

Type: Physical

She just gives me the vibe that she'd be a physical type character, honestly. I don't think there's really any criteria for type for Star Rail characters anyway, so.

Logan

Path: Erudition

Erudition path characters admire thinking, logic, and strategy. Honestly, I feel like Logan fits all of those qualities pretty well.

Type: Imaginary or Quantum

I honestly think he would fit either of these types really well, though I lean more toward Imaginary for him.

Aiden

Path: Destruction

Destruction path characters admire recklessness, anger, and destructive behavior, and while Aiden doesn't really fit with anger, he is definitely a reckless person and I feel like he's participated in quite a few self-destructive behaviors before.

Type: Fire or Lightning

I lean more toward Fire for him, but I could also seem him being a Lightning character.

Ben

Path: Abundance

I would have listed Destruction as well, but Ben isn't really a reckless or destructive person in the story. He was, but he's not really like that anymore. Abundance path characters admire selflessness, altruism, and healing, and well, Ben is kind of the group's healer, so I think it fits for him.

Type: Physical

Could just be because Physical has a gray symbol and Ben wears a lot of gray, but he gives me the vibe of be Physical type.

Tyler

Path: Preservation

Preservation characters admire patience, sacrifice, and defensive behavior, and Tyler fits with the patience and sacrifice at least. I mean, he's really patient with Taylor, and he's patient with their mother, who still seems very lost in her grief. While he may not have the best of patience with a lot of other people, I see it with his family. And he basically sacrificed his whole childhood to make sure his sister and mother were taken care of.

Type: Fire

I think part of it is really just his temper, but he does give me the vibe of a Fire type character.

Taylor

Path: Harmony

Harmony path characters admire understanding, support, and cooperation. Taylor fits all of these in my opinion, so I feel like this is honestly the perfect path for her. She's very supportive of the group, and does her best to be cooperative herself and get others to cooperate as well. And she's shown on multiple occasions that she's a very understanding person.

Type: Lightning

I don't really know why she gives me the vibe of a Lightning type, but she just does, so I'll just go with it.

~~~

Let me know your thoughts! Do you agree with this, or would you list them under different paths or types?

I will get around to figuring out which Aeons I think each of them would follow. Not all of the Aeons are associated with a path, so there will be another Star Rail/SBG post later, but this is what I've got for now. This idea has been sitting in my head for a while and I needed to get it out.

[moonmoonthecrabking]

who will pray for you when your body's gone?

aka a post that was going to be two and then i thought more and went FUCK

because, okay, when i first heard this line, i thought it was grace's internal proof of her superior christianity. while what she values primarily is her chastity (vibrating with anger at evangelical purity culture btw), she absolutely has a superiority complex around her faith. she doesn't swear, she's a christian unlike shapiro, a catholic (this also really pisses me off when i come across it irl, and believe me i have). so, now that either she wasn't following God anymore (who was left to pray for him), or she was the Real Christian in hatchetfield who kills jason (who would pray for him if she wouldn't), he was alone.

and then i realised - grace doesn't pray that much onstage. this makes logical sense, it'd only really work in a monologue or soliloquy (think charlotte in tgwdlm before you tied up my heart). because, you know, you're talking to someone who not only doesn't talk back but also isn't onstage. in a physical form. you know what i mean.

the two instances grace has of talking to God in any way (which is praying, feel free to use the terms interchangeably), or one and a half, is when the chasitys say amen after grace (food prayer, not the character) (i'm counting this as the half because normally one person says grace, we don't know if it was mark or karen instead, but i mean you're praying *with* someone even if you don't say anything. i'm also counting as half because we don't see the prayer, just the end, because it's a scene transition). the other is "and now he's leaving me out to dry! DO SOMETHING YOU SON OF A BITCH!" now, as a christian and therefore the authority on all christian matters (this is a joke please take it as one), it's not considered the best thing to call God a son of a b-word, and i personally haven't done so. however, this can be thought of - and stick with me here - as a slightly excessive form of a lament. i personally interpret lament to be less "God, you bitch" and more "hey, God, what the fuck" (i have said that one). laments are found in the Bible, (there's a book called lamentations, and iirc there are some in psalms). however, she regrets this prayer because, look, i'm not going to act as all-knowing, but lament is complex. basically, grace could internally see this as her rebelling against religion in the strict bounds that were set out for her, or maybe trying to command God? i'd personally say accidentally killing your classmate and excusing it by saying it was God's plan is a worse representation of God than saying "do something", but i'm bisexual and will be dead at some point, so who am i to judge?

after having this realisation, i realised that grace doesn't actually talk to the lib either. the closest she gets is saying their names in the summoning, but steph is the only one who actually talks to them. grace looks like she's in physical pain (which i have my reasons behind thinking, but they're more or less irrelevant). even when she's devouring the souls of the pervs, she never actually says "thanks to my boys, the lib". she doesn't say grace while metaphysical eating, for shame. you should be thankful for your food, chasity

and like. it's interesting, right? i don't have any major conclusions on this for the moment, but i'm curious if anyone here as any thoughts on this?

[44-moved-44]

TW: Suicide/S/H mentions, abuse mentions, but an overall silly post

Dude it is UNCANNY how similar I am to Heart

Like I see a lot of Heart kinnies who relate to him a lot and I just think "man, it must be nice to have a healthy amount of similarities to him, because I sure don't"

For reference:

Besides the like fifty minor things in my Carrd, my immediate family is composed only of my twin brother and my mother.

My twin brother is, as you might assume, very similar to Mid; we used to get along! Then we grew apart. And in hindsight, throughout my entire childhood him telling me everything I did was for attention didn't really benefit me when I was older.

He's a very logical, often to a fault person; has pretty bad anger issues too, and issues with authority. He's what one would call a "Reddit Atheist", and is a very blunt person who has little regard for anyone he hurts the feelings of when he confronts them.

My mother is a lot like me, but not really in any good way. She's overly emotional, has so many bad things happen to her constantly, is driven by spite, and of course, threatens suicide constantly. I kid you not, when I came to her about self-harming she threatened to kill herself because of it.

Even more notably, my mother highly favours my brother for being lower-maintenance and makes sure I am well-aware that my brother is better than me because he causes less problems and costs less money (although "apparently" she loves us equally).

Away from venty territory, probably another really uncanny similarity is that I am literally photophobic.

For those who don't know what that means, no, I'm not afraid of light, the light hurts my eyes.

In my case, it's more irritation than pain, but can become painful if it's not treated adequately. I'm always wearing sunglasses when I'm out of my very dim house as a result, and blink a lot throughout the day.

School days would consist of a lot of requests to turn off the lights as well as a lot of visits to the nurse to ask for sunglasses.

This has been happening since at the latest sixth grade. Nobody knows why I have this, it's just been deteriorating very, very slowly, and isn't fun alongside my traditional visual impairment.

And you know who else avoids the light and is visually damaged by it and also is just generally visually-impaired? Mmhm.

Basically all of my negative qualities directly can be found in Heart, too.

Extreme anger, extreme sadness, suicidal ideologies, violent fantasies, trauma from an inescapable bad situation, sensitivity, weakness, impulsivity, envy, hatefulness, cowardice, helplessness, these are all essentially my worst qualities and Heart's. And even more akin to Heart, I have the potential to be logical! But I'm not taken seriously and am dismissed as emotional.

Not to mention that I'm a very baby-faced and young-looking person who acts younger than they are.

HECK I LITERALLY LOOK REALLY SIMILARLY TO CHONNY AS WELL (this you'll have to take my word for as I'm not leaking a photo of myself)

There's more but those are all the ones I'm gonna say rn bc I am LAZYYYYYYYY!

But yeah, I'm Heart you guys Heart in real life.