#anxious. i think. overwhelmed. likely too. i'm so tired of thinking too much about all this bcs i know i can manage better but

[pathologicalreid]

come a little closer | s.r.

in which you and Spencer have sex for the first time since his release from prison, and more importantly, since Cat told him what happened in Mexico

margotober masterlist

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: smut (18+ mdni) content warnings: mentions sexual assault, spoilers for season 12 of cm, fingering, unprotected p in v sex, crying during sex, cockwarming, explicit consent, not really softdom but reader has spencer take the lead, read with care word count: 2.65k a/n: this bad boy has been in the works for MONTHS. please tell me if you like it i'm so desperate for affirmation. (also this is the last kinktober post of margotober)

His hands on your waist were becoming firmer in their placement as Spencer continued pressing his lips to yours, expertly slipping his tongue into your mouth as he managed to take your breath away.

This could be as far as you went, and you would be content with that. After prison, after Mexico, you were grateful that he let you in at all. You were sleeping in the same bed at night, he was home for the month, teaching forensic psychology at a private university in the district. “Are you okay?” You whispered against his lips.

You were sat on the edge of the bed, and he was standing between your legs. “Yes,” he responded, continuing his motions.

In the past few weeks, you have found yourself in this situation three times. The first two times he had called it off, being too overwhelmed by fractured memories of his time in Mexico. The last time, you asked him to stop when you got stuck in your head, too anxious to remember that you were supposed to be enjoying it.

Today, you were tired. Too tired to think about anything other than the feeling of his lips on yours. You couldn’t control the whimper that escaped your throat as he gently tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth.

He pulled away slightly, eyes studying your face quickly before he asked, “That was good right? The noise?”

Your chest ached at the recognition that he had been left with so much self-doubt that he didn’t even know if what he was doing was right. Nodding confidently, you peered up at him through your eyelashes, “Yeah, that was good. I liked that,” you assured him.

It felt like the first time. As if you hadn’t had sex together multiple times and spent the past several years learning what the other liked. “What do you want me to do?”

“Take the lead,” you implored, looking at him. You couldn’t tell him what to do, at the very core of your actions, this was about him. This was about what he needed to do. You could always tell him to stop, but if he asked you to change something, you’d move heaven and earth to make him comfortable.

You just wanted to make him feel comfortable. The way you could feel his heart pounding in his chest, made you wonder if he was going to call it off. You had to bite your tongue from asking if he was alright, you needed to trust that he would tell you if anything was wrong.

Surprising you, he deftly slipped his hands beneath your t-shirt, pulling the soft fabric off of your torso in one quick movement. He used the pads of his fingers to lightly skim your bare body, causing goosebumps to spread across your skin. You kept yourself quiet, looking up at him as he studied you with wonder in his gaze, “You’re so pretty.”

If you hadn’t been hyper-aware of your surroundings, you might’ve missed the compliment. “I love you,” you breathed, chest tightening in a nauseating mixture of adoration and nervousness.

“I love you too,” he responded easily to you, his large hand placed firmly on your ribcage while his other planted itself on the mattress, maintaining his balance as his head craned forward to kiss you.

Your hand shook as you thumbed the hem of his shirt, moving your lips against his as you waited for him to cue you. The catch there was Spencer could spend hours kissing you without needing anything more. Your other hand rested softly on his collarbone, a non-sensual location where you were still touching him, but it wasn’t an intimate touch, at least, not in a sexual sense. It was an intimate touch in the sense that you were using the soft pressure of your palm to reassure him that you were here.

Spencer’s hand on your side gently pushed your back down to the mattress, once the fabric of the sheets was touching your skin, you eyed him curiously as he took his shirt off of his own volition. Better food and a considerably less stressful living situation had brought him back to life, and the haunted look that he came home to you with had faded over the months.

He stepped back from the mattress, and before you could figure out what he was doing, he took your thighs in his hands and moved you so your body was entirely on the bed, and you thought that the laugh that came from you as he moved you would be the end. Clamping your hand over your mouth, you looked up at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” you whispered to him, mortified.

Shaking his head, Spencer smiled and climbed up on the bed with you, “No,” he breathed, hovering over you, “Do it again.”

This time a nervous laugh bubbled through your throat, “What?”

He dropped a soft kiss to your lips before pushing himself back up on his arms, “I just want this to feel normal. It’s sex, there’s no need to be so procedural about it.”

You stared up at him while nodding, “Okay,” you affirmed, reaching a hand up and fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck. There was no procedure available to you. There was no pamphlet that could readily guide you on being intimate with your formerly imprisoned boyfriend after a serial killer let him know that she had arranged his sexual assault in a foreign country.

The best thing you could think to do was let him take the lead. He was the one who had initiated this, and you were more than willing to follow.

Spencer deftly pulled your underwear and shorts down together, guiding your legs out of the extraneous fabric before he paused. His arm looped around your leg, effectively hugging your calf as he rested his chin on your knee, heady eyes looking at you before he spoke, “Oh, angel,” he murmured, “My memory never does you justice.”

Your stomach flipped at his words, your hips adjusting on the sheets as he detached himself from your leg and returned to his station above you, this time with you fully nude beneath him. “Then it’s a good thing I’m right here,” you murmured, giving him a slice of comfort with a double meaning.

His hand skimmed down your chest, resting his palm on your lower belly before he looked back up at you, brown eyes meeting yours, “May I touch you?”

Breathlessly, you nodded, “Yes,” you told him, verbalizing your answer. Reinforcing your response as his hand slid further down, cupping your heat with his hand, his index finger slipping between your folds.

He didn’t break eye contact with you as he gently rubbed you, his unpracticed hand quickly gaining confidence as your lips parted and your breath quickened. You hadn’t considered how quickly your orgasm would build up, but for as long as it’s been for him, it’s also been for you.

His finger slid into you slowly, his eyes watching you carefully with every slight movement, and a soft moan escaped from your throat at the sensation of his finger knuckle deep in you, feeling miles further than your own fingers could ever reach. Lifting your head up, you brought your mouth to his, moving your lips slowly against his, moaning into his mouth as he withdrew his finger, slipping it back in with ease. There were no words that you could find that would accurately explain the amalgamation of emotions that were rushing through you right now, but the way you were kissing Spencer portrayed them perfectly.

Spencer hummed against your lips, delicately adding a second finger to his ministrations, the stretch of your pussy around his hand causing your back to lift off the bed. He started thrusting his fingers in and out of you, a gentle but firm pace that took away your ability to focus on kissing him, letting your head drop to the pillows.

“Oh, Spencer,” you breathed, the knot building in your lower belly causing your head to spin. “Spence,” you panted his name, “You’re gonna— ah.” You screwed your eyes shut for just a moment before opening them again, meeting his as you whispered, “Please, please, please.”

Your incessant begging only came to an end when your orgasm finally took you under the influence of dopamine, walls clenching around his fingers as he worked you through the waves of pleasure coursing through you. “You’re so pretty,” Spencer mused, his words taking you slightly by surprise as his hand withdrew from your cunt.

You sighed dazedly up at him, reaching up a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, “I love you,” you whispered, looking up at him with wonder in your eyes.

The lopsided smile he gave you was all you needed to know that all was well, and the kiss that he dropped on your lips elicited the same feeling. “I love you too,” he muttered against your lips, keeping himself propped above you.

Parting your lips with curiosity, you struggled to find the words to ask him. “I want… Can we…” you tried, but everything fell short as your eyes searched his desperately.

Spencer took his lower lip between his teeth, and you knew that if he called it off, you would be more than happy with the progress that you’d made. You’re surprised when he responds, “I need you to say it. I need you to ask.”

“Would you like to have sex with me?” You asked him, there was a tentative note in your voice that seemed to bring him comfort. A sort of cumulative blanket of uncertainty over the moment that you were sharing.

Spencer nodded in response “Yes,” he said, giving you a verbal answer.” He didn’t take another moment to think about it before he moved off of the bed, your eyes followed him curiously as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his pants and underwear, dropping them both to the floor in one fell swoop. “Yes,” he repeated.

With every ounce of self-control in you failing, you eyed his cock. Standing at attention, the tip was leaking pre-cum and he looked almost painfully hard, your lips gaped at the sight, “Oh.”

Finding his way back to the bed, he held himself above you, not touching you at all as his head tilted to the side, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yeah, I am,” you looked up at him. “It’s just been a while,” you breathed, letting your nerves show through in the hopes that it would ease both of your minds.

He smiled softly at you, understanding clear in his expression, “We’ll go slow, okay?”

His use of the word we made your chest tighten, a recognition of your nerves as much as his. “Okay,” you breathed, opening your legs slightly wider for him and placing your hands on either one of his shoulders.

Biting on your lower lip, your eyes flittered down to where his hand was positioning his cock at your entrance, the soft skin of his tip swiping over your clit as he found his mark, pushing just the tip inside, and giving the both of you the time you needed to adjust. You moved your gaze back up to his face, studying him intently as you did so. As sure as he seemed, you wouldn’t put it past him to push through something if that’s what he thought you wanted.

“Take your time,” you whispered, trying to reassure him without it being overbearing, your breathing hitched when he pushed in more. Somehow, at only about half of his length, he felt impossibly deep in you.

Making eye contact again, Spencer watched your expression, “I’ve got you,” he said, dropping soft kisses to your lips, one after the other.

You nodded, keeping your eyes on his to the best of your ability, “I’m okay, we’re okay.”

Your words gave him the confidence to push into you, fully sheathing himself inside of you, and breaking eye contact. His head dropped into the crook of your neck, groaning against the soft skin as you tried to adjust yourself with the sheer amount of pressure between your legs.

Taking a deep breath, you froze at the realization that tears were falling onto your skin, the nearly inaudible drip of them on your neck and the pillow behind you spreading an icy feeling through your veins. “Spence,” you whispered, combing your fingers through his hair while you felt his dick twitch inside of you.

He didn’t respond, not verbally at least, producing a low hum.

“How are you doing?” You asked him softly, trying to stop your walls from clenching around him while he was clearly having a moment. “We can stop if you need to,” you murmured, continuing to play with his hair.

Slowly, he pushed himself up on shaky arms and kissed you, tasting of salty tears and bitter coffee. As his lips coaxed yours open, he moved his hips, gently filling you as he did so.

Tears pricked at your own eyes as you realized that he was being as gentle with you as you were with him. It had been six months since you last opened up to each other like this.

“I missed you,” he muttered, pulling his head back so that he could watch where your bodies were joined, his shaft covered in your slick as he thrust in and out.

You already knew that he’d missed you while he was away, but he specifically missed this. The feeling of baring your soul to another person, and this time around it all felt that much rawer. It broke your heart while simultaneously putting it back together. “I missed you too,” you whimpered, forcing the words out while he found a steady rhythm.

His thrusts were still slow, but they were hard, pushing himself as deeply into your cunt as he could go. “You’re so good for me,” he said, grunting as he kept moving, “Fuck it’s— Can I cum in you?”

Nodding frantically, you met his eyes again. “Yeah,” you breathed, a sharp moan torn from your throat as he moved up, changing the angle ever so slightly as he continued fucking into you. “Oh,” you gasped, as your eyes rolled back at the sensation of him spilling himself into you, his sloppy thrusts sending you over that same edge.

You couldn’t make sense of whatever he was mumbling while his hips stuttered to a stop, leaving himself firmly planted inside of you. He rested his head on your shoulder, his body lying on top of yours.

Once you remembered how to breathe, your hands made their way back to his head, fingers combing through his hair. “Are you alright?” You asked him, seeking out a final confirmation that he was, in fact, okay.

He hummed in response, “I’m great,” he said, “I’m really really… in love with you.”

Startled, a light giggle escaped your lips, “I’m really really in love with you too,” you responded, mimicking his intonation.

“You’re so perfect for me,” he murmured, coveting you in a way that made you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. As far as you were concerned, you were the luckiest girl in the world.

Sighing, one of your hands fell to his arm and you closed your eyes, ready to fall asleep like this, with him still tucked into you.

Your other hand remained up, playing with his hair, “You’re gonna make me sleep,” he said, a half-complaint, really.

“That’s okay,” you whispered, knowing that eventually someone would get up and turn off the lights, but right now, you’d rather stay with him. Right now, that was the only thing that mattered to you.

[lollytea]

Please, your finale Huntlow thoughts, my liege. We poor peasants beg of you, our bowls are empty and your tables full; if we might have but a crumb of your succulent meal to fill our bellies in these cold December nights.

ASGCDHBDJNK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OKAY

I got a few asks about this but I guess I'll answer this one cuz it's phrased the funniest. I just wasn't too pressed about giving my Thoughts about finale Huntlow because I am fully a part of the Huntlow hivemind. Like I feel the way everyone else feels. I'm ecstatic, I'm delighted, I'm overwhelmed, I'm emotional, I'm so happy for them, I got everything I could have wanted. I won. We won.

(I HAVE TOO MANY PICS. I'LL RB WITH PART 2)

First of all this scene is so special to me, you have no idea.

It isn't inherently romantic but it's still so sweet and shows how much these two care for each other. Here's Willow, who's spent the last special Atlasing and repressing and refusing to rely on anyone else. But then she had her breakdown in front of Hunter and he realized just how stressed and scared she's been this whole time. She's visibly anxious and upset here, likely worrying up a storm because she hasn't found her Dads yet. And Hunter is right here beside her. He's seen her meltdown, he's felt her pain, he's heard her cry. He knows that Willow is in a fragile state at the moment. He knows she's been holding in a lot. He knows she's scared. I love that he's not only standing by her side and helping her search, but holding her too. It could be that she vocally expressed how worried she was to him, or maybe he just saw it on her face, but he probably placed that hand on her back to comfort her, let her knows he's right here, grounding her. And Willow, who's still learning how to depend on others, is letting him.

The way Hunter lights up when he sees Harvey and Gilbert, thrilled by how happy he knows she's going to be and his soft smile when he points them out to her. And then THIS!

Like Hunter is devastated. He feels alone and out of place here. He really thinks he has nobody. But Willow being happy can still bring a smile to his face. He just loves her so much!!!

And I know I already talked about the grom photo but UGHH!!!

I got a pic in better definition. I'm pretty sure this is Hunter's first grom. So likely a few months after the events of WAD. And it's so cute to think about Hunter and Willow very awkwardly but eagerly navigating a romantic relationship. I love how grabby and flirty Willow looks here, messing with his bowtie. She clearly LOVES the floral suit, thinking he's like the hottest man alive. She needs to smooch him and NOW. Or she's just like "Oh my, what a nice collarbone you have!!" Idk the ambiguity of what exactly Willow is doing here but the vibe and general intentions being very obvious is my favourite part of this pic. You can speculate for years on this. Oh and Hunter's face, I love it so much. His dumb little blush is like an old friend. He's fucking THRILLED that he's getting so much attention from her. He's very excited about where this is going. But he's also like. So nervous he's gonna pass out. But overall he's having the time of his life. Bi rights!

Also epilogue Huntlow....guys....guys epilogue Huntlow....are you guys still listening to me at this point?

God I love this scene. Its so natural and smooth, giving the characters a chance to breathe and exist and providing a glimpse of how they go about their daily lives. It's soft and lighthearted but it establishes so much about where Willow and Hunter are currently at in their relationship. They've been dating for like....3 years at the very least. And they're clearly very happy together!!

The way Willow casually slides on to the scene, giving the impression that she's often dropped in on him while he's working. And why wouldn't she? That's her sweetheart. What if she requires emergency smooches? What then? And of course, there's Hunter beaming at the sight of her. Seems he never gets tired of his girlfriend stopping by to visit. Or maybe he's sick to death of Willow the menace showing up to distract him while he's trying to work and he's just excited about the prospect of Luz's party. Either way, it's an adorable expression.

Something else I love about epilogue Huntlow is how equally distributed the affection is between both of them. Back when FTF dropped I gushed about how sweet it was to see Hunter taking initiative with Willow and the significance of something as simple pressing his backhand against hers during the pinky hold. And God, this sequence here says it all. From what I can tell, as Hunter runs towards her, they both reached out at the same time and linked hands immediately, implying that holding hands has become the automatic gesture for them whenever they meet up. They're in love, you're honor.

I love the huge carefree grins as they skate down the hill (still holding hands). They might have grown a lot since we last saw them but they're still young adults, they still love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff. And even better, they love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff together. All the handholding and fluffy cuteness is wonderful but I also love knowing that they seem to genuinely enjoy just hanging out and spending their youth with each other. Zeno was right, they ARE besties. Who knows how much shit Hunter and Willow get up to together? Being a pair of thrill seeking athletes, it's probably a lot.

This part is just so silly and ridiculous. After they go stumbling, Willow's first instinct is to grab Hunter and hold on for dear life. Her intense scrunched up expression is just so funny. "I will protect you, my love. No big dumb hill is going to harm a hair on your pretty head. Your girl is here." And Hunter barely acknowledging it (it probably happens a lot) because his life is currently flashing before his eyes. GOD they're just such nerds.

Oh and this frame is just SO adorable. The way Willow's hold on him lingers for a moment before he walks towards the grave, Hunter's heart eyes. They're clearly still so soft and touchy with each other. And this is after three years. I know they were insufferable when they started dating as teens.

[silly-writes]

Hi! I love your work! Can you do a Mike + alters, Scott, Alejandro (seperate) x reader where the reader has really bad sensory issues, especially with loud noises, and can have panic attacks from them? if your not okay with writing this then that’s totally fine /gen. it’s important to take care of yourself.

Contestants with reader who gets overstimulated.

Aaa thank u for this request anon! Yes i'm totally comfortable writing this kind of stuff! Thanks for being so kind about it! As an autistic person with really bad sensory issues myself I actually find it a thearputic, lol. Okay enough about me, enjoy!

Mike

dealing with a traumagenic disorder (DID) I would imagine he's honestly kind of in the same boat.

He's no stranger to panic attacks, and is pretty well versed by now in how to deal with them.

The first time it happens though he's sort of an anxious wreck, he's just nervous that trying to help might make it worse, but he doesn't want to leave your side.

He gives you lot's of words of encouragement, and helps you through breathing exercises, and gets you plenty of water.

"It's okay, breathe with me, I'm right here," he assures you gently.

If you require pressure/physical contact during your panic attacks, he's more than happy to give you that.

He gets good at catching them too, he'll always be able to identify when you're about to spiral because of too much noise or too bright lights, and he'll find a quiet secluded room so he can work through it with you.

"Sorry you have to deal with this too," you said, after a particularly bad one, you still felt dizzy, and tears still stained your face, but you had come out of it now, and felt a little guilty.

"Hey don't apologize, I don't mind. Not at all."

He's just very caring with this kind of stuff in general.

Manitoba

Maintoba is similar to Mike, and I would think he likes to carry around a backpack whenever he is fronting (you never know when you're going to run into treasure). So he always keeps noise canceling headphones and a pair of sunglasses in there just for you.

Honestly I headcanon him as the caretaker of the system, so I imagine he's used to caring for people during panic attacks.

He's very observant, probably even more so than Mike, so he's better at avoiding them all together by identifying what situations you can handle and what you can't.

He always does a little research before the two of you go out in the environment to ensure that it doesn't seem loud/bright/overstimulating.

However sometimes these things are just unavoidable, and inevitable.

He'll provide you with whatever physical comfort you require, if any at all.

Anything you need, he's there to get for you.

"Take all the time in the world treasure, I'll still be here," he said.

He's all around good at keeping you grounded, and just good at being there with you.

Svetlana

I would think Svetlana is probably the protector/gatekeeper, most of her comfort comes from her just being fiercely loyal.

She'll be there no matter what, and you take great comfort in that fact.

She's not as good with being traditionally comforting, since it's a little out of her element.

Not that she doesn't try of course, she really cares about you, and she wants that to come across.

(I would think she would panic a little and ask Manitoba and Mike for help from the inner world).

But she would absolutely stay with you, coaching you through breathing exercises, talking to try and distract you.

Eventually if you let her know what you need (be it space, a distracting, physical comfort, quiet, dark) you name it, she will get it for you.

She's much better at caring for you after the panic attack honestly, when you feel really tired and put out, disoriented and just overwhelmed.

"Svetlana's here now to melt all your worries away," she smiled at you once.

She'll almost always bring you home, or take you to a secluded room, and just hangout with you. She'll turn all the lights off and sit in silence with you so you can have basically zero sensory input for a little while.

She'll absolutely stay with you until you feel yourself again.

Mal

Okay things with Mal are a little tricky.

He's for sure a former prosecutor and after a bit of system healing, definitely prosecutor turned protector.

Don't get me wrong though, he can still be a little nasty and snarky sometimes, but he's working on getting better.

Which is why he feels sort of out of his element when he's with you when you're having a panic attack.

He's not good at being comforting, and he barely knows what to do when he has a panic attack, so the first time it happens he completely freezes up.

He might even let someone else front to help you out instead of him.

After a while he gets better at keeping up with your triggers, and while he remains pretty awful at being comforting, he's good at grounding you.

He's glad sometimes that being there is enough sometimes, he doesn't know what he'd do if it wasn't.

"Sorry I can't do more..." he said one day.

You smile at him "You being here is enough sometimes."

Scott

Scott is also somewhat of a wreck I would imagine.

Growing up fairly isolated on a farm he's understandably really rough with being intune with people's emotions, he's not really all that good at reading you. Or anyone for that matter.

The first few times, he's shocked everytime.

What could be making you feel like this? He had no idea.

He would definitely need a list of all of your triggers, you have to tell him what helps you and what doesn't outright. Scott doesn't really like playing guessing games, especially when it comes to your safety and comfort.

Clear communication becomes pretty important for the two of you in all honesty, and the two of you work at it all the time.

Eventually he gets better at serving you during panic attacks, or meltdowns, he knows what to do after a little while.

Again I would think he's really good at protecting, so I think he's super good at keeping people away when he sees you're overstimulated.

"Don't touch them!" he huffed when someone was trying to tap you to get your attention.

Overall, he's really really trying for you, and knowing that is comfort enough.

Alejandro

It's no secret that Alejandro is very intune with people, just one of his many skills.

So he can tell right away from his very first meeting you, any loud noises, bright lights, things like that just don't mix well with you.

He steers clear of them when around you, always guiding you more towards quieter, much calmer and secluded dates.

When driving he turns the music down, and makes sure that all audio input looks like its helping you and not harming you.

Plus I feel like (and this is totally me projecting btw) he would carry around stim toys for you to distract yourself with, and headphones for when things are a lot.

But again, sometimes things just happen, and try as he might to protect you, it's not always possible.

He can always tell when things are getting to be a lot for you, he's good at reading everyone but you in specific.

He's really good at covering for you, if someone is asking where you are, or needs/wants to talk to you when you need to be alone he'll keep them away from you.

He'll spend as much time as you need helping you.

"Are you feeling better mi amor?" He would ask.

"Almost-" you said, voice a little course and shaky "-sorry," you said softly.

"Don't apologize, I don't mind at all."

Alejandro can be really nurturing when he wants to be.

He might deny it, deny it to the ends of the earth but he's very good at taking care of you.

[ciellunee]

I DON'T DESERVE LOVE

Pairing- Kento Nanami x reader

Genre- angst, smau, hurt/comfort

Synopsis- Nanami is exhausted and snaps at his girlfriend, making him question if he's even capable of her innocent love?

It was almost 11 PM, and nanami was still not home. You were lazing on the couch, waiting for him to return. Nanami has been a little too busy for the past 2-3 months. You and Nanami have been together for almost 3 years now, and the past few months haven't been the best for the two of you.

Every time you tried talking to him, he'd get really frustrated and snap back at you. You understood his anger and frustrations were due to work stress and let him be.

It's been 13 days since you and nanami held a proper conversation even though you share the mansion. You missed him, his tired face made you worry and you became anxious and depressed. You wanted him to leave the job and find another one, a job that doesn't Overwhelm him like this, but you were too scared to present your views. However, today, you finally decided to voice yourself. This relationship isn't going to doom because of a stupid job!

You knew he didn't mean it. Kento wasn't one to ever hurt you on purpose, let alone make you cry, but today..... it was different.

You want to understand kento tonight aswell, you want to be a doll for him tonight as well. You want to drag yourself to the bed and sleep again, but something just snaps inside you. Your cheeks feel hot, burning water pouring down your eyes, not even realising you're crying, you try to text him back, to tell him you're not his servant but lover, that you demand his respect and crave his love and attention but you're too exhausted to do that. So you stood there, phone in your hand, throat and eyes burning as you let your overthinking get the best of you. *Did he really think you're selfish?*

You didn't realise when you fell asleep in the living room, on the hard wooden floor, face exhausted and strained, cheeks stained by tears you let yourself cry to sleep and for what? Your lover's text? You felt pathetic, "Of course, he was right. I'm always too much to handle he's tired of me" being your exact thoughts before fatigue took over you and your eyes closed.

At around 2:30, your boyfriend entered the home looking absolutely drained. The bags under his eyes are huge. He's done with everything, just wants to be in his love's embrace while he forgets all about his job.

Entering inside, he is met with a tired looking s/o lying on the floor near the couch. His heart sinks as he moves forward to see her face hot and tear stained cheeks. He really never wanted to see you like this, that's why he worked his ass off so that you would never face any difficulties in life. His precious darling could enjoy her life without worrying about deadlines or getting consumed physically and mentally. Nanami never wished to see you like this. His hands shook as he held you close to his heart, mumbling an apology you're too asleep to hear. "It's all my fault, isn't it? I couldn't be the person you deserve. I always wished that you would never get caught in a life where you'll have to trade that glorious smile off for some money, but I did it myself. I don't even remember the last time I made you smile~ You regret choosing me, don't you?"

His eyes gave up, and the stoic jujutsu sorcerer and monotonous salary man nanami kento was bawling. His body shook half from the fatigue and tiredness and remaining from the fact that he became the person he was trying to save you from. His mind played every memory, every moment you two spent together, every time you made nanami smile. Coming home to such a loving partner was his victory in life. It was his achievement. He wanted to protect you, to save your innocent heart, but now he was in his living room crying, contemplating if he ever deserved someone like you?

The next morning, you wake up in your room, your head aching wildly, but you ignore it and search for the only person you wish to see. Did he tuck you in? When did he come home? Where was he? But you could only find a note stuck to the nightstand. "I've got to discuss something really important with my boss, I'll be home soon. Ps- there's some sandwiches and your smoothie in the kitchen. Love (your ken)"

You blushed as your fingers kept going on your Ken. For some reason, this morning felt weirdly positive. Your heart fluttered, thinking you'll finally get to spend some time with your boyfriend after weeks of him ignoring your presence.

After a few hours, your phone dings grabbing your attention, a message from kento pops up~

[toastedjeans]

So anyway i made a pizza tower oc/self insert/fanchild?? Technically?? If you squint.....

Their name's Ziti and they're Peppino and Gustavo's adopted "kid" (they're around 16). If you saw this post before, i aged them down a bit and changed/got rid of a few other things.

Anyway, some info about them below

I'm still too lazy to put all this into sentences and in an order that makes sense so here's a bigass list

They were adopted by Peppino and Gustavo after the tower fell

Used to work in the tower in the background, probably in a computer room. There was never much work there so they often fell asleep or doodled on the side. When there was work it was very stressful for them and they were easily overwhelmed. They never took days off cause they felt they didn't deserve to. Still, they desperately need a break (more on that in the backstory post)

Very anxious, but unlike Peppino, their anxiety does not turn into rage, just more anxiety and later on extreme tiredness. They're always tired tbh

Likes goofing around with Gustavo. He's the slightly sillier dad, while Peppino is slightly more caring and comforting (he can relate to the trans struggles. We love trans Peppino in this house). Of course, they're both caring and silly and great dads and love their kid very much

Random headcanon that Gustavo likes picking up people as a sign that he likes them a lot, and you know he often does that to Ziti (and Peppino lol)

Absolutely cannot cook, they WILL burn the kitchen down while trying to boil water. Please for the love of pizza do NOT let them near any kitchen. Peppino is honestly amazed by how bad someone's cooking skills can be (he says they're worse than Maurice's, which is saying a lot)

Not used to physical affection, at first only cuddles with Brick. Touch starved as hell.

Fakey is kinda like a mix between a best friend, a big brother, and a weird pet to them. It's weird at first, seeing how he resembles one of their dads so much, but they eventually get used to it

An awkward piece of ham™, but there's a silly goofy goober under all that anxiety

They always put other's needs in front of theirs, resulting in them neglecting their own needs because they're "not important enough" in their mind.

Always tries doing things on their own because they don't like bothering others, even if they know they can't do it alone. Will not actively ask for help but will reluctantly accept it when offered.

Giving gifts is their love language. Gives gifts randomly whenever they find something, but still feels bad when they don't have a gift on a special day (birthdays, Christmas, etc), or if they think their gift is lame

They're very forgetful, but they do remember tiny things nobody cares about. Will forget your birthday, but remembers that they once saw a frog jump directly into water and exactly how the resulting splash looked. This has no significance to anything at all, but they do remember it!

No fashion sense. At all. I mean look at them. Bland white ass. (No wonder tbh if you know where they come from)

Very pale, often got called a vampire or zombie when they were younger. Peppino and Gustavo sometimes lovingly refer to them as their little Mozzarella (despite both of them being smaller than Ziti)

Lastly, they're strangely obsessed with Noisette's cooking. Their favorite is her peanut butter spaghetti. Never gets sick from any of her food. They're not picky is all I'm saying. (Kinda explained in the backstory post)

[deblklesb]

hi i was thinking about something, is there any chance you could write something with the reader saying the safeword?

sure, anon!!

cw: use of safeword, reader is neurodivergent and is going through a verbal shutdown, oral (r!receiving), aftercare, MDNI

Usually whenever you and Abby start to enter in a more intimate situation, you're both on the same page. It's not hard to engage, fall into the deep desire and accept the sensations that mix to the endless pleasure. You're always so overwhelmed, so full of her, and it's enough to send your mind into a place so far away from the reality that coming back it's almost a pity.

But today isn't the same.

You were so tired. At work, you've spent most of the day in silence because even talking was too much - to rationalize your feelings and thoughts in words and then pronunciating them out loud; even this was too much untill the last hours of your shift. Lucky for you a library isn't a very busy place, and you gathered all the strength you could find to talk to your boss and ask to just be organizing books on the shelves.

Breathing was already too much. So imagine the fatigue you had when coming home.

Now, you wanted to be this intimate with Abby. You wanted sex with her, you wanted to be wrapped by her warmth and just let go of everything else for some time before going to sleep. You wanted her touches, because she always touches you with so much care and love.

But you just realized now that when you both talked about limits, kinks, desires, safewords, still in the beginning of your relationship, you completely forgotten about your verbal shutdowns. That's because you were slowly discovering things about yourself due to a late diagnosis, and now you learned to identify some things better - including a verbal shutdown -, which you didn't know how to explain before - even to yourself. Now you could honor your needs better and go through it when necessary.

Abby witnessed a verbal shutdown just once since you both started dating, but it didn't involve a sexual moment and so now you were in a very uncomfortable and new situation. She was asking you to respond to her questions, as usual, but each time you couldn't bring yourself to do it tears started to gather on your closed eyes. Her touches were so nice while her lips traveled south of your body, but the demands to talk were just too much today.

"Oingo Boingo", you could bring yourself to say, heavy breaths as you finally could let it out. You felt Abby stop on her tracks and opened your eyes, tears rolling down your face.

In a matter of seconds you could see on her face that she was trying to process the situation, and as soon as the blue eyes got to your face, her expression metamorphosed into a absolutely worried one.

"Babe", she gently pulled you by the hand untill you were sitting on the mattress, getting next to you in a blink of an eye and holding you close. "What happened, did I hurt you?" You shook your head, holding her hand back intensely.

"Give me a moment, please", you could say, gulping.

"Okay. Do you want me to hold you?" You nod and so she does, her skin directly against yours.

Closing your eyes and resting your head on her shoulder, you stay like this for a time you couldn't quantify. Calming your mind, trying to put effort into just explaining her what was going on so then you could go back into honoring your own need to keep silent.

"I-I... Today was very hard. I'm not feeling good to talk. And I know you're always ready to support me but it wasn't in a sexual situation before, and so now I'm not being able to... To... To answer you questions. And it's making me anxious", you took your time saying it, focusing into put your words out. Abby won't judge you, so it's easier to do it in your own pace.

"Is it a verbal shutdown?" You nod. "I'm so sorry babe, I didn't notice. You want to write on you phone right now?" You nod again, and she gets your mobile on the bedside table, handing it to you.

Unlocking it and opening the notes app, you look at her for a second, indicating she can go on.

"Is there something I can do for you? Want me to keep going or want me to stop?"

I want this, to keep going. I just can't answer you verbally, so it would be nice if you didn't ask me to do it. You can still say things to me, i like it, just don't ask me to do it back.

"Okay", she smiles fondly, kissing the top of your head. "You want it now or you want to keep it like this for longer?"

Her look at you is so comforting. She's not treating this situation as more than it is. She's not acting like this is less intimate because you aren't vocally answering her, absolutely willing to keep going, because she knows you can decide it and she'll give you time to think about your needs. She's not acting like she just broke you or something, she's just going through it, walking along with you on this path, following you because she knows you know the way and doesn't need her to do it for you. It's a limitation and you can accommodate your needs into a sexual moment too.

We can just stay like this for a little bit more, just so I can regulate properly. And then we can go back at it ;) If I need you to stop when we're at it, I'll tap your shoulder instead of saying the safeword

"Alright", you hand her the phone and she puts it back on the table, holding you again. Her fingers, a bit bigger than yours, caress your skin, sending shivers down your body.

Your mind start to settle. It's all clear now, like a fog disappeared from around you; it's so calming to know that you can rely on her and be open about it, that she won't underestimate your collocations or act like it's the end of the word.

Later, when you feel okay and her scent start to dominate your head, you slowly kiss her neck. And then do it again, a hand resting on her shoulder as she sighs.

"Wanna keep going now?" You nod, looking at her face before she kisses you again with a smirk that makes you freak out internally a little bit, as always. She still has the same effects on you.

It isn't hard to go back to the moment, it never is with the two of you. Soon, she has you laying on the bed again, eyes closed as her mouth left wet pecks around your chest.

Abby doesn't take long to reach your core again, head between your thighs as she pays attention to each one. Her strong hands keeping you in place it's enough to make you squirm, the strength and size difference always affecting you. Whenever she towers you, it's like a tsunami of feelings drowning your mind, you can barely contain how needy you get.

"Hm, my good girl is so wet", she says, tongue fatly lapping your cunt before she groans. "You're always so delicious, fuck..."

She keeps your legs spread, mouth working tirelessly like she's devouring you. Your legs tremble, you're shaking and contracting your whole body as whimpers escape and you grab the sheets.

Her tongue makes a number on your pussy. You're dripping with desire, her eyes are full of lust, and everything else fades away. There's only her on your sight.

Abby is tasting you and she can't stop from moaning against your core. Periodically she also backs away to murmur how she could eat you forever, how she's getting wet herself, how she wants you to come on her mouth. You're holding on for dear life, hips jolting like you're out of control as you come closer and closer to that high.

When you finally reach the peak, she's right there to sooth you through it. First she cleans you whole with her tongue, licking and sucking. You quiver at each one of these acts, breathing heavily and whimpering. Then she's next to you again, kissing your face and neck and pressing your pussy with a hand, waiting for you to come back down.

"There you go, hun", she whispers, lips bumping into your cheek as you hold her forearm. "Let it all come, babe. You did so good", your heart skips a beat at her words. "I'll go get a cloth to clean you up and then we can sleep, okay?" She kisses your face again after you nod, getting up from the bed and leaving you cold from her absence.

You're already drifting away, tiredness taking control of your body and mind when she comes back. The sensation of the cloth on your skin is okay, but you prefer her muscles against you. Either way, she cleans you carefully and then turn off the lights, laying next to you on the bed.

You hold her close and finally can fall asleep. Right before you do, though, you can hear Abby whispering: "Love you, babe"

[arveil]

thinking about kaeya being insecure + anxious avoidant who would isolate a lot... and it doesn't make him feel better whenever childe would try and reassure him

in fact kaeya gets uncomfortable, feels like he's a burden to tarts (because no one has ever loved him that much before, and still believes that no one ever should.) the more childe loves him, the more that kaeya withdraws since he feels like he doesn't deserve that much.

then i'd like to think that childe is insecure in his own way too. he would be unnecessarily doing too much for kaeya, may it be spending too much money/time on him or doing whatever acts of service

he's only doing too much of those because it's what makes him feel worthy of kaeya's love. even when kaeya tells him that he doesn't need to do all that, childe can't sit still when he isn't doing anything for kaeya. at one point he'd be so obsessed in doing so much for kae, sacrificing his personal needs and making his life revolve around providing love for kaeya. tarts subconsciously believes that if he can't do anything for kaeya, he'd be useless.

making both of their issues clash — kaeya getting overwhelmed and feeling extremely guilty (?) whenever childe does too much for him. then childe getting scared that he might have not been doing enough for kaeya when kae withdraws / pushes him away.

eventually both of them would get lost in their relationship. kaeya wanting to leave because he thinks childe deserves someone that can appreciate him and the love he gives better, to be with someone who can accept and reciprocate it instead. childe not knowing what else to do because he's sure that he has done everything he could to love kaeya, maybe it was still not enough?

maybe not really a breakup, but they would go on for a few months not seeing each other.

kaeya drowning himself in alcohol, not wanting to think about their relationship. deep down, he believes that it was probably his fault for not knowing how to appreciate his partner. he wouldn’t have the guts to face childe and communicate cause he doesn't have anything to say except for how he still feels undeserving of him. kae's aware that he's acting like this because of how insecure he is, yet he doesn't know how to stop being insecure.

childe on the other hand, i think would turn emotionally numb instead of an emotional wreck. he's burnt out and tired from doing so much, only for everything to result in this? oh he would go sparring more often to release his frustration, spend an awfully huge amount of time trying to get better at fighting because it would make him feel good about himself. yet at the end of the day he still feels hollow and useless now that he's no longer with his usual "doing everything for kaeya" routine.

but ofc i know both of them will get that resolved and help each other. (i won't let it end without comfort nuh uh)

kae would one day learn to see himself the way childe sees him. that even with all of his flaws, it's alright and those aren’t reasons to automatically consider himself unlovable. be comfortable with the fact that accepting love doesn't make him shameless. yeah he'd still doubt himself all the time, but childe would remind him not to be so critical of himself. childe would allow kaeya to take his time and get used to receiving love, until he can do so without the need to feel guilty / undeserving of it.

with childe, it would be extremely hard for him not to overdo it whenever he wants to express his love or do something for kaeya. though i'm sure once he realizes that habit is due to how he needed the validation there is whenever he did something good for kaeya [ how he gains a temporary feeling of fulfillment whenever he got good reactions from kaeya, which were like a reward after doing something ] , he'll learn to resist the urge slowly. kaeya would reassure childe as well that he's enough without having to constantly offer anything grand. he'd even encourage tarts to enjoy doing other things that make him genuinely happy whithout it having to be about providing for / helping other people.

... i really like the idea that kaeya is very insecure and the entire thing about him acting confident is just a mask. and that mask he uses to run away from himself falls apart the closer he gets with childe. he can't really hide his true self with the one he loves most right? but because of it, his true insecure and avoidant tendencies would come out.

then about childe having savior complex or somethin... his loyalty and dedication when it comes to things and people he love is a very admirable thing. but going deeper, why does he actually have those traits? what if it's because deep down, he's just scared of letting people down? what if because of that fear, he would always burn himself out doing to much, trying to consistently prove he's reliable?

( i am a huge fan of ships that involve the two characters growing emotionally together, not only growing old physically !!! ) *sniffles* they make me sick

and so i wanted to maybe use their potential issues against each other /j

i wanted to test those and use their relationship as a reason for their issues to come out? but for the better because after it, they'll be more aware of their insecurities which would result in them fixing those and maturing asdfadsfada

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC Explain!

Hopping on this open tag by @oh-no-another-idea (here)!

Imma go with Liam Steele and Dylan Millihan from What Lurks In The Hollow because that WIP is my new obsession/hyperfixation lmao

Okay, here we go!

LIAM STEELE

✨ Image ✨

✨ Song ✨

Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit

It's just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up Everything is fucked, everybody sucks You don't really know why, but you wanna justify Rippin' someone's head off No human contact, and if you interact Your life is on contract Your best bet is to stay away, motherfucker! It's just one of those days It's all about the he says/she says bullshit I think you better quit lettin' shit slip Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip It's all about the he says/she says bullshit I think you better quit talkin' that shit

overwhelmed - Royal & The Serpent

What am I feeling? Can't look at the ceiling The light is so bright It's like I'm overheating This mind isn't mine Who am I to judge? Oh I should be fine But it's all too much I get overwhelmed so easily My anxiety creeps inside of me Makes it hard to breathe What's come over me Feels like I'm somebody else I get overwhelmed so easily My anxiety keeps me silent When I try to speak What's come over me Feels like I'm somebody else I get overwhelmed All of these faces Who don't know what space is And crowds are shut down

✨ Quote ✨

Liam fidgeted with his charm bracelet for a moment, in a compulsive, anxious rhythm, before taking a deep breath and closing his hands into fists, glaring at the bullies cluttering the street. "I don't think any of you motherfuckers heard me right, so Imma repeat myself - if you don't let go of that damn kid and get the fuck out of my way, I swear to fucking God I will bash your heads on the curb" He gave them a sharp, almost condescending smile, "And that's mostly because you're making me late for the arcade and I don't like that. Does that sound all good or do you need any more goddamn details?"

DYLAN MILLIHAN

✨ Image ✨

✨ Song ✨

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window Dreaming of what could be And if I'd end up happy I would pray Trying hard to reach out But when I tried to speak out Felt like no one could hear me Wanted to belong here But something felt so wrong here So I prayed I could breakaway I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change And breakaway

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman/Luke Combs

You got a fast car I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal Maybe together we can get somewhere Any place is better Starting from zero got nothing to lose Maybe we'll make something Me, myself, I got nothing to prove You got a fast car I got a plan to get us outta here I been working at the convenience store Managed to save just a little bit of money Won't have to drive too far Just 'cross the border and into the city You and I can both get jobs And finally see what it means to be living ... So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

✨ Quote ✨

"Look, none of us asked for this. But whether we like it or not, we're siblings and we're stuck together. More than ever, unfortunately, as much as I loathe to admit it. So we need to make this" He gestures around them, gaze lingering at the, well, still quite decrepit living room of the house, before settling back on Amy, "work out for us, somehow. And we need to stop being at each other's throats all the time - which, by the way, um, I'm..." It seemed physically difficult for him to say the words that were stuck in his throat, but eventually, he sighed and droned out the phrase, earnestly "...sorry for all the stuff I said. I was just really tired and angry, but I shouldn't have said all of that. None of this mess is your fault, and I don't think you're a bad sister, like at all. You're a great kiddo."

Dylan paused unsure of what to say next, but when he noticed that Amy wasn't frowning or sulking anymore but actually smiling softly in agreement, his uneasiness seemed to fade into what could almost be a smile too. "Anyways, let's cut the emotional crap before I feel sick to my stomach more than I already feel. Do you want some more cereal?"

Tagging (gently): @sleepy-night-child, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @wyked-ao3, @topazadine @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart, @ray-writes-n-shit

@writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@i-can-even-burn-salad, @cakeinthevoid @thecomfywriter

@thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @amaiguri

@cherrychiplip @thecomfywriter @thelovelymachinery @bookwormclover

@differentnighttale, @leahnardo-da-veggie

[sanguineterrain]

about strawberry jam - e.m.

Summary: Eddie knows what kind of jam you like.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x gn!reader

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings/tags: discussion of food and a sort of unhealthy relationship with food, but no mentions of eating disorders! reader just isn't fond of eating with people. reader is anxious about relationships and has commitment issues but they are trying their very best, like i know all of you are <3

Notes: first of all, i want to say how blown away i am by the response that about a boy got! thank you so so much! i have some ideas for future snapshots so please enjoy this one here, which takes place about a month after about a boy (though you do not need to read that to understand this one). that being said, this fic is loosely connected to the series.

divider by firefly-graphics

"Pasta sound okay?" 

You doze on Eddie's bed. It's weird, being in his space, but you're practicing. You have to remember that he wants you here, and if he doesn’t, he'd tell you. You're not an intrusion or a wrong piece of furniture. You belong here. Eddie had told you so. 

"Pasta is good. Mac and cheese?" you ask. 

Eddie's head pops up from his pillow. Affection overwhelms you. You need to be close to him, suddenly. You scoot closer so your knuckles brush his. Eddie links your pinkies and kisses your hand. 

"Sounds great. I can go—"

"I'll start it," you say. 

Your brain itches with the thought that you take too much when you're with Eddie. If you want to earn your keep, you need to do more than laze about in his room. 

Eddie's expression suddenly turns serious. With his other hand, he gently pushes his thumb into the center of your brows. 

"What're you doing?" you ask. 

"You're thinking too hard again," he says. "Had to smooth it out."

Eddie molds your worry into something pretty, like you are dry clay and his hands are damp with love. You wonder if this is what creation feels like. 

"I'll start it," you say, trying again. "And… and you can help in a bit?"

Your forehead stays smooth. Eddie's eyes crinkle at the corners from his smile.

"Sounds like a plan, sweet thing. You know where everything is?"

"Yes. But, um… your uncle isn't home, is he?" 

You feel terrible asking. You do. It's not that you have an issue with Wayne Munson. You're sure he's a great guy, with how Eddie gushes about him. You know that, at the very least, his love for his nephew is cavernous and infinite. 

"He's not," Eddie confirms. "But y'know he wouldn't chase you out with a broom if he was, right?"

"I know. It's just… we're new and I don't want to rush things."

You're a new fixture in Eddie's life and a part of you waits for the other shoe to drop. A part of you thinks this is too good to be true; your clay will dry out beyond fixing and Eddie won't want anything more from you. 

"Hey." Eddie doesn't kiss you, just brushes his lips onto your cheek to get your attention. You look at him. 

Eddie licks his lips and chews on chapped skin, studying you for a minute. 

"Do you like this?" he asks finally. "Do you like how things are going?" 

"Yes," you say.

It's only been a month but it's been one of the greatest months of your life. And if this is the time you have with Eddie Munson before you overstay your welcome, it will have been worth it. If only to have found a home in a person. 

"I do too," Eddie says. "I really, really like you. And I want us to stay like this."

"Now."

Eddie tilts his head. "What?"

"You want to stay like this now. But in a month, you might get tired. Or you might want to leave and I'll hold you back."

Eddie's eyes turn soft and sad. Sometimes you do that, with your stupid, clumsy words. Eddie never turns sad around anybody else. It's only you that pulls it out of him. 

"I wish you wouldn't think of me that way," he says. 

"I'm sorry."

You're afraid, and it makes you selfish. You should think of others, but you don't, because that's when you get hurt. And you don't think you can take it if Eddie hurts you because you think of him. 

Eddie brings your palm to his mouth and kisses it. Your lips draw down. 

"I'm sorry," you say again. "I'm scared."

"Of me?"

"Of what you've become to me."

"I would never do that to you," Eddie murmurs. "Leave you. Hurt you. Never."

You release a slow breath. "Okay."

"It's okay if you don't believe me right now," he says. "But I wanted to tell you. So it's somewhere in there." 

He kisses your forehead. You want to try once more. 

"We can start the pasta together," you offer. 

Eddie's smile doesn't scrunch his face up this time. But it's fond. It's good. 

You get up with him. 

You're not fond of people watching you eat. 

Eating with people feels like a sin. You enter their space and you're caught. They can watch you hork down whatever glutton you feed yourself that day, and you can't do anything about it. 

Or it's a bribe. Come to lunch with me, and food suddenly becomes a leash. A chain with expectation collared to your throat. You reach for your fork and you are an animal with your claws in a raw steak, blood dripping down your chin. You howl and your companion sneers at how you can't even control your hunger under their gaze. 

Eddie asks you to come over a lot more now, and, being that you have a real heart and a real stomach, the time does come when you eat together.

"I think we have Velveeta in the bottom cabinet," Eddie says, digging through a top shelf for a box of macaroni. 

He turns on the stove. You hear him open the fridge and dig through there. 

The unopened package of Velveeta is exactly where Eddie said. You take it out and pause. 

A jar of strawberry jam sits at the front. You take it out and stare at the label. 

"Find it?" Eddie asks. 

"Yeah… Eds, can I ask you a question?"

"Fire away, pretty."

"What does your uncle eat for breakfast?"

"Hmm. Eggs, bacon, y'know. He grew up down south, though, so he really loves grits." 

"Oh. So not a jam on toast type?" 

"Nah, he's not much for sweets. Why?" 

"Grape jelly," you say.

Eddie comes over and closes the cabinet doors. You give him the Velveeta but you cling to the jam like it's your firstborn. 

"Grape jelly?" he asks. 

"You only like grape jelly. It's one of the first things I learned about you. Steve made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and you said you wanted grape jelly or no jelly."

Eddie nods. "Sounds like something I'd say."

"Well, I—" You swallow and hold up the jar. "I think you made a mistake, Eddie. You bought strawberry jam."

"That wasn't a mistake, sweet thing. I bought it for you."

Macaroni bubbles in a pot and you want to run because you know this is a trick. It must be. 

"For me?"

"Mmhm." 

You watch Eddie's hand twitch, like he's about to tug you into his side, but he stops, because he doesn't want to overwhelm you. Your tongue tastes sour. 

"Strawberry's your favorite, right?" he says. 

You look at the jar again. When you come over for breakfast, you will turn the lid, and the seal will pop. Eddie will smile at you from across the table and tell you about the campaign he's writing. And you'll eat the reminder that you are a part of someone else's life now. 

"You thought of me," you say. 

"I think about you a lot," he replies. 

"You do?"

"I do."

"Oh. I never thought I'd have somebody to think about me.” 

"Well, you do now,” he says, ducking his head so your eyes meet. “That okay?" 

"It's good."

This jar of jam is good. That pot of macaroni is good. Being cared for is good. 

Eddie strains the pasta, and you’re reminded of the fact that you're going to eat together. 

But it doesn't frighten you as much. It doesn't feel like a bribe or blood on your chin. 

You slice the Velveeta. The two of you make food and take care of each other side by side. 

It feels good. It feels like Eddie says he'll stay and he means it. 

It feels like a place on the shelf for your strawberry jam. 

[askadrianalucardtepes]

"Hey everyone, apologies for being away for so long. Truth is, I am so, so tired at the moment. I got to enjoy a lovely trip last week which helped me relax, but I've admittedly not been doing so hot lately. I look forward to getting back to answering your inquiries soon, but I might require some more time because I am just... Exhausted, for now. Mentally and physically. Overwhelmed, underwhelmed, antsy, anxious, you name it, I'm currently feeling it. I'm receiving some support for my current state and I hope for it to improve soon, but until then, please, bear with me. I just need to take it easy for a while, I think."

[OOC] I say that all in character, but it applies to me irl. My social anxiety has pretty much tripled in the span of about two weeks and I am constantly exhausted because my body cannot properly rest. Some of my worst social fears have kinds come true unexpectedly and I'm working through that very slowly now. I miss this blog so much and I want to get back to business soon, but I first need to talk to my psychologist a bit more and get some more support so I don't feel so tired 24/7. It gets lonely sometimes, I'll admit. It sucks to feel like I can't lean on anyone anymore because I'm too afraid. But I hope to make that better and become better myself, too. Sorry for the vent/rambles, I just want to keep you all in the loop of what's going on behind the scenes. And maybe it does feel nice to blow off a little steam like this. But I disgress. I can't wait to get back to work here and I'm sending you all so, so much love! Much love, Adrian

[oldiesstationlover11607]

hiii hi! hello! uhm. could you please consider writing a Tyler Joseph x male!reader? a mixture of fluff and angst, a hurt/comfort if you will, reader is having a very bad mental health day and Tyler improvises a song to sing for him. think the "don't be anxious Josh" song he sang during the qna Livestream. if not it's alright but I thought to ask anyway! sorry if this sounds too similar to past requests you've received, I hope it's alright ^^ have a wonderful day!!

Panic - Tyler Joseph x GN!Reader

Warnings: Panic attack and mental health struggles

Word Count: 1553

A/N: HEYYY I've combined a few requests into this one piece and made it gender neutral so everyone can enjoy it :) I'm going to respond to each inbox message so everyone can see it but hopefully this is good :)

I’d been feeling it for days, this weight pressing down on me like an invisible hand. I kept brushing it off, forcing myself through the routine motions. I was fine, I told myself, over and over again. I was strong. Strong enough to push through. That's what I did.

But tonight, it all felt like too much.

The knock at my door barely registered at first. When I opened it, Tyler stood there, smiling as if it was just a regular night in. He had a bag of takeout, his other hand deep in his pocket.

“Hey,” he said, stepping inside without waiting for me to invite him. His eyes lingered on me for a beat too long, and I looked away, trying to shake off the ache that had settled into my bones.

“Hey,” I muttered, forcing a smile. “I forgot you were coming over.”

Tyler’s smile faltered for just a second. “Good thing I didn’t forget,” he said, glancing around. He set the takeout on the table, pausing to look at me again. “You okay?”

I nodded, maybe too quickly, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Yeah, just… a long day, I guess.”

He raised an eyebrow, not buying it. “You look… more than just tired,” he said carefully, watching my reaction. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” I said, the words coming out sharper than I meant. “Just… rough day, like I said.”

Tyler watched me in silence, his gaze soft but probing. He didn’t push, but I could feel his eyes on me as I sat down on the couch, drawing my knees to my chest. He settled beside me, and for a while, we picked at the food without talking.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked quietly after a while. “You seem… I don’t know, different. I can tell something’s off.”

I shook my head, feeling my chest tighten. “I’m fine. Just a little… overwhelmed.”

“Hey,” he said, scooting a little closer. “You don’t have to act like everything’s okay. Not with me.”

I swallowed, my throat tight as I looked away, fighting to keep my voice steady. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing.”

Tyler leaned forward, searching my face. “Maybe it’s not nothing, though. If it feels like a big deal to you, then it’s not nothing.”

I tried to shake it off, forcing a laugh. “You don’t want to hear about my stupid problems.”

“Actually, yeah, I do,” he said, his voice unwavering. “I care about you. So I want to know what’s going on.”

That simple truth nearly undid me. I felt my pulse quicken, my breaths coming shallow and quick. The panic that had been simmering all week flared up, and suddenly it felt like the walls were closing in. I tried to stand, but my legs felt weak.

“Hey, hey,” Tyler said quickly, reaching out to steady me. “Are you okay? Talk to me.”

I shook my head, barely able to get a word out. “I… I don’t know. I just… I feel like I can’t breathe.”

He was beside me in an instant, taking my hands in his. “Okay, try to focus on me,” he said gently. “Look at me and breathe. Let’s do it together, okay?”

I nodded, though my chest felt tight, every breath shallow and quick. He inhaled slowly, exaggerating the motion so I could see, and I tried to match him, feeling the tension in my lungs ease just slightly. Tyler’s hand stayed wrapped around mine, his thumb moving in slow circles over my knuckles.

“You’re doing great,” he said softly, his voice like a quiet anchor. “Just keep breathing with me.”

After a few minutes, the tightness began to ease, and I managed to take a fuller breath. My grip on his hand loosened, and I could finally meet his gaze, the worry in his eyes softened by relief.

“Sorry,” I whispered, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over me. “I don’t… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

He shook his head, squeezing my hand. “Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re just dealing with a lot. It happens. But you don’t have to apologize for it.”

I felt my throat tighten again, the shame creeping in. “I just… I thought I could handle it on my own. I didn’t want to… I don’t know, be a burden.”

“A burden?” Tyler’s voice was soft but firm, his eyes holding mine. “You’re not a burden. Not now, not ever. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly brushed it away, trying to keep the dam from breaking. “I feel like I should be able to handle this. Like I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t need anyone.”

Tyler shook his head, his hand never leaving mine. “Needing someone doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.”

I let out a shaky breath, feeling my defenses start to crumble. “But I’m supposed to be strong,” I whispered. “I don’t want to… I don’t want you to see me like this.”

His thumb brushed over my knuckles, his voice gentle but insistent. “But I want to see you like this, because this is part of you. I care about all of you, not just the parts you think are ‘strong.’”

I looked away, feeling the tears starting to fall in earnest now. “I just… I don’t know how to… I don’t even know how to explain it.”

Tyler nodded, his hand moving to gently cup my face, his thumb brushing away a stray tear. “Then don’t explain. Just… let me be here. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

I nodded, the last of my resistance finally crumbling. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, and I let myself sink into his embrace, the weight of everything I’d been carrying finally spilling over. The sobs came in waves, and he held me through all of it, his hand moving in soothing circles on my back, his voice a quiet whisper of comfort.

“You’re okay,” he murmured, his voice a steady anchor in the storm. “I’ve got you.”

For a while, I just let myself cry, the tears falling freely as he held me. He didn’t say anything more, didn’t try to fix it. He just stayed there, letting me let it all out. And slowly, the storm inside me began to calm, the sobs subsiding into quiet sniffles.

“Sorry,” I whispered again, my voice hoarse. “I didn’t mean to… to fall apart like that.”

“Hey,” he said softly, pulling back just enough to look at me. “You don’t have to apologize. You’re allowed to feel this way. You’re allowed to fall apart.”

I managed a small, watery smile, and he returned it, his own smile gentle and warm. “You’re too nice to me,” I mumbled, feeling a faint blush rise to my cheeks.

He chuckled, his hand moving to squeeze mine. “Well, maybe you deserve someone to be nice to you. And hey, it makes me happy, so really, I’m just being selfish.”

A laugh escaped me, soft but genuine. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Glad I could make you smile,” he said, his own smile widening. Then, as if on impulse, he started humming, a soft, wordless tune that felt strangely familiar. He caught my eye, a playful glint in his gaze as he began to make up lyrics.

“Don’t be anxious, Y/N… I’ll be here till the end…” he sang softly, his voice light and comforting. “Even if you cry… even if you sigh…”

I let out a real laugh this time, shaking my head. “Please tell me you’re not going to make this a full song.”

“Hey, if it makes you laugh, I might,” he teased, his grin widening. “And if I do, you have to sing it with me.”

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “No way. I’m not singing that song.”

He nudged me playfully, his eyes twinkling. “Fine, but you’re stuck with me singing it to you, then.”

“Fine,” I said, laughing despite myself. “But you’re not recording it.”

He mimed disappointment. “There goes my big break as a songwriter.”

I rolled my eyes, but there was warmth in my chest now, a lightness I hadn’t felt in days. “Thank you, Ty,” I said quietly. “For… for being here. For not letting me… you know, push you away.”

“Always,” he said, his voice softening. He reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re important to me. I’m here whenever you need me, okay?”

I nodded, feeling a wave of gratitude I couldn’t quite put into words. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I whispered, feeling my chest tighten again, but this time with something softer, something that felt a lot like hope.

“You’d probably keep being amazing and strong, just like you are now,” he said, his voice warm. “But maybe you don’t have to do it all alone.”

I looked at him, my heart feeling lighter than it had in days. “I guess… maybe I don’t.”

Tyler smiled, his hand finding mine once more. “Good. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

And in that moment, as his hand held mine and his presence surrounded me like a warm blanket, I believed him.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[cherryblossomforest]

19th & 20th September 2024

19th:

Today I had to take Giggles to the vet for more vaccinations and more flea and worm treatment as I didn't have any more. I'm ensuring her health checks are all up to date because I think I've fallen off the ball with that.

She was a bit nervous at the vet but wasn't meowing or scared. She wanted to hide and her crate was on the floor so I made a cup with my hands and she hid her face in it which was enough for her to feel safe. It was absolutely adorable. I gave her many head rubs and scratches behind her ears which she loved and she purred which was reassuring.

The car ride always makes her a bit nervous but she's soooo much better than she was before. I play some LoFi instrumentals when she's super anxious but on the way back she barely cried at all and took a nap. It makes me happy that she's starting to feel safe in the car because then I can take her on more adventures and she won't be so nervous :)

One thing I do need to get on top of is her dental hygiene. It's tough because she hates it but it needs tending to so I need to invest in some things! I don't want her to end up having any problems in the future.

When I got back home I rested some more and got to preparing for my job interview. I wasn't anxious but I was nervous. I got some examples I wanted to use also and by the time my interview took place I was feeling more confident. I answered all the questions quite quickly but also in enough detail and I taught one of the interviewers something about mental health which felt super nice. She said what I explained was quite nice to learn so I hope I made a good impression and I did feel like it was a good interview too. I was kinda buzzing after.

I was reminded that for someone who's in crisis, I'm doing quite a pretty good job right now! It felt nice to have Elodie around for the interview and it felt nice to remember things from work which I hadn't thought about in years. I really hope I get this job because it would be perfect for me to work from home and earn enough to support myself, travel and pay off my debts. Then I can eventually start paying for private therapy too and get a knowledgeable therapist. I need that and I really do think I deserve this too! Another thing is that I can hire a cleaning service to help me deep clean my home because I can't do it with my pain and mobility problems so that'll also make me feel so much better and I know I can pay my friend to help me too.

I decided to watch Forrest Gump which sent my brain into a bit of an overdrive I think. I ended up being so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Just so exhausted! It definitely was triggering watching it again as an adult but very very relatable too in so many ways. Forrest definitely is autistic and Bubba too.

I ended up sleeping at completely the wrong time so I'm up at a weird time. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow and I see my doctor and I just really need her to help me. I need my meds increased and I need a care coordinator or social worker. I need better support or I'm going to end up back in the hospital and I just really don't want to end up back there but I get no support and I really need it.

20th:

I thought I was having an episode... I thought the ceiling was going to collapse because of a noise I was hearing which I couldn't identify. Messed-up sleeping patterns mess up my mental health dramatically. The noise was coming from my upstairs neighbours but the anxiety that it was the ceiling about to cave in was farfetched...

I need to sleep

My sleep was really bad and idk why it has to be like this. I had a nightmare that I just couldn't get away from someone and they even found me on this blog and they showed me not nice pictures that they took of me that I couldn't remember (I basically had amnesia for the events and another part was present...but more in a way that they wanted to hide it from me too and was happy - since when did I have DID in my dreams??) That was overwhelming and it felt so real that I woke up feeling like it was real. That's always my biggest fear.

I'm so tired and stiff that I've ended up late for my freaking doctors appointment and I want to cry because I had one job but I'm so exhausted. I feel sedated. If this doesn't work out I want to give up now... I'm ngl.

It was so lovely to see my Doctor she's so lovely! As soon as I sat down she was like "Is it getting bad again [name]?" and from that moment I was holding back tears and that surprised me. She asked me if I was getting support from family and I explained that we had a bereavement in January and she remembered it was Dead Brother then she asked me if I was getting support which I wasn't. She asked me what's been happening and I explained that every September I get so much worse and I feel so bad. She asked if it's an anniversary for anything and asked me to specify and I actually managed to say it's a trauma anniversary from being raped which was so confronting but such improvement on my part. She then asked me who and I explained Dead Brother.

I think this is significant because I tend to think I talk about what's going on with me a lot and I reallllyy don't. This blog is the only place I actually talk about my feelings and not even my doctor knows much about me. That's bad. This was something my old ED T also said to me and I thought I opened up to her a lot. I really don't talk to people and I'm always holding everything in. Even my friends say this too so it must be true.

Anyway, my doctor has increased my Mirtazapine to the highest at 45mg and wants to see me in 2 weeks. She's also referred me to the crisis team (🙄) and a mental health practitioner to talk to as well. I see them on Monday. She said she's going to refer me to see a social subscriber which will help me get out of the house and maybe do things and for the first time I'm going to give it a go. She even said if I really don't like it I don't have to go so that's reassuring.

Right now it's been 30 minutes that I've been in this car park at the gp so I'm going to find somewhere to go...

Sometimes I wonder why it feels like the world just wants me to die, I try so hard all the time to get help and keep myself safe and it's just like no one cares enough to help. As much as I'm grateful for this help from my doctor and I truly am... if me reaching out for desperate help for another year doesn't work I'm so done trying. I'm so tired.

Oh my God I am so tired of being so alone.

All I want to do is listen to music but I know the music that I want to listen to will make me feel worse.

I'm not sure if it was my first time admitting what Dead Brother did, but it was definitely the first time telling a professional or anyone in person and my brain is going crazy.

Yep. First time saying the words out loud. Wow. That wasn't a good idea in the middle of September... body memories and flashbacks have started but I've taken 2mg Lorazepam to help calm everything down normally 1mg is does a good job but rn I'm struggling. I'm also being distracted by my loved ones which feels nice and I'll most likely cry some more.

Why is this September different? I'm remembering more memories even before the doctors appointment. It's so bad... so so bad...

[4saken4gotten]

Head Canons For Dante From Devil May Cry

I think about Dante way too much so I thought I would share my thoughts on some head canons of my own. Especially since the fandom for me gets so fucking dryyyyyyy Like please, I need more content or I'm going to spontaneously combust and not even in a hot and sexy way. (Or it still will be I just wont feel like it, but looking like hell on wheels is the goal!) yes that was a Heathers reference don't come at me Am I cringe? Yes. Am I free? Yes. These are my SFW head canons for him! If I get to it I can make my NSFW head canons as well but we'll see about that. Gender Neutral Reader Pairing. For my bitches, bros and fellow nonbinary hoes. (My certification in making head canons is as follows: I have played DMC 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I've read all the novels, and read 3 different fan translations of the novels we don't have official English translations for. I've watched the animated series at least 12 times and I've listened to all of the audio drama CD's. I have canon reasons for all my head canons but some of them are just little silly things because I brain rot. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.) I apologize in advanced for any typos and grammar mistakes and or just not making sense. I am dyslexic and autistic so I have a weird way of explaining things and will misspell basic words sometimes but I promise to do my best.

He's a big dork and his favorite thing to do is make his S/O laugh. Filling their soul with light is his favorite thing to do. teehee So he says the stupidest jokes to make them double over in laughter.

This is a bit of a double edged sword however since he uses humor and sarcasm as a major crutch / coping mechanism. He can be serious when the situation calls for it, but most of the time he doesn't want situations and mishaps to weigh on himself or those around him too heavily.

He's HELLA broke. So he'd take full advantage of free things to do like spending the night under the stars in a park after hours. Something that feels like "We aren't supposed to be out here!" but isn't really harmful / breaking the law.

I think he has some sort of collection of some sort. I think he collects seashells because they remind him of more serene times in his childhood. Probably hand sized conches or perhaps sand dollars (because its the only 'dollars' Lady cant swindle out of him ;u;)

Will die on the hill of pizza being a "balanced meal" insisting that it has all the important food groups therefore pizza is healthier than media wants people to think.

Despite his habits of leaving his pizza boxes about and letting Patty clean up after him- his own personal hygiene is actually really important to him. He always makes sure to take a shower after he gets back from every mission.

He honestly cant stand the scent of demon blood on him, it makes him a little anxious because it takes him back to the night of the fire / attack every time. (babyyyy boyyyyyyyyyyyy)

His love language is physical touch (giving) and acts of service (receiving). When he gets more comfortable with you, he's got some part of him touching you at all times: a thigh pressed against yours, a gentle hand around your shoulders or the small of your back, insistent on you laying on his shoulder or in his lap if you're tired. He'll be super appreciative of you organizing things when his mind gets too jumbled or he's just brooding.

I'm sick of people calling him lazy. I don't think he doesn't clean up because he doesn't want to- I think he's just overwhelmed most of the time / overstimulated to do anything if he's not in battle.

I strongly feel like he has some sort of ADHD, Depression and CPTSD due to his trauma. (Losing / killing his brother several times, his mother being killed, his father up and disappearing one day, losing his found family repeatedly: Grue, Nell, Jessica... etc)

He'd probably be super understanding of a neurodivergent s/o and be more than happy to "parallel play" in the shop. He reads his magazines on the couch with you while you read a book. Or he'll try to get some semblance of work done at his desk on the occasion while you watch your favorite tv show.

[dootplusone]

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(If the OP would prefer this post not link back to the OG post or is otherwise is not okay w/ this post in reference to theirs, please let me know in some form so I can delete/edit it as needed.)

Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?

For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.

A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.

And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)

Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."

And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.

...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.

In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.

[bogkeep]

like i Know it's "not normal" to be tired all the time but what can i do. existing is exhausting

my mother is once again Worried For Me because i've accidentally given her the impression that i don't have the energy to do things all the time, which is fair because i use the phrase "i don't have the time or energy to do that" a lot about things i wish i could do if the society we live in was structured a little bit differently. like, maybe it's just because i'm in community with a lot of neurodivergent/disabled/chronically ill people and it's just a given that Everyone has a limited amount of time and energy per day, and that it's Normal to structure your life as best as you can to make sure you get around to do the things you need/want to do and rest/recover as needed.

so it's like. there's things i would like to do but i have eight hours of school and i must run errands and i must cook food and i must have sleep. i don't have a car so i walk everywhere. i must feed my soul and i must relax. it's difficult to Add things to that mix unless it's a one-off. i thought my mom would Get It since she too is an adult and i've seen her nap after work more times than i could possibly count. so i don't know if there's some mismatch in communication or if there's something so deeply wrong with me i can't even see it.

like i'm sure SOMETHING is "wrong" - i've heard from multiple reliable sources it's not Good or Normal to "not know what it's like to feel fully awake". like i've never slept enough no matter how much i sleep - though i've always figured i maybe just don't sleep enough, or i sleep wrong or something (i actually took a sleep test once and apparently i sleep very well). or i figured it's just being autistic and obsessive compulsive that's just really, really exhausting. like if wearing clothes and accessories drain me of energy then no wonder, right? like to me this is just normal so i don't think about it too much.

something my mom has told me many times is that if you get into a routine of doing many things you get good at doing many things, and doing few things makes you tired. like how regularly doing exercise does, after a certain point, energize you instead of draining you. i've never gotten to that point, i think. to me it sounds as far away as the "once you drive enough it becomes automatic" statement. how much do you need to do to Get There? i have struggled to find a way to do Regular Exercise (i mean, i Walk Everywhere. according to my GP i am filling the quota for regular exercise by walking to school every day) that's like... sustainable for me? it's a bit like asking a poor person to save money but you kinda gotta spend money to live. like maybe that's the one thing that would help me feel awake and energized but how the fuck do i even get there when i don't have the time!

as for Doing Many Things - i do many things all the time! recently i kept doing so many things every day i neglected to give myself a rest day for two weeks and you know what happened? i had to go home from school on a wednesday because i was too woozy to do anything at all. i had to go home and crash because if i don't pick a rest day my body will do it for me. and this makes sense right!!!! body needs rest! i hadn't rested! i can't just willpower myself into ignoring the needs of the meat machine!!

like i don't know. my mom thought starting T would give me an energy boost and maybe it should have. maybe it did. but i've got so much going on and i'm so overwhelmed and anxious everything just cancels out!!!

like next you're gonna tell me it's not normal to constantly feel like i need to drink water

[mooshkat]

kinktober day 10+11, fucking machine and sensory deprivation

Carlos looks so pretty when he's like this, TK thinks. He watches his husband squirm on their bed, tugging uselessly at the ropes tying him down as TK plays with the controls to the fucking machine he'd set up for Carlos.

It's not quite at the highest setting, but there is one of their larger dildos attached to it, one that TK typically favors because it leaves him absolutely aching for most of the next day. 

They have the weekend to themselves without the worry of work, their shifts lining up finally after a few weeks of barely seeing each other. They've already been at this for over an hour, almost two.

There's a blindfold hiding his husband's beautiful eyes and the silk soaks up the tears spilling as Carlos is pushed past the point of overstimulation. He thrashes his head, chest stuttering on a whine as TK turns the machine down to a gentler pace.

They've decided not to use the earplugs tonight, but it doesn't matter as the mechanics of the machine masks TK's light footsteps as he walks around the bed. He stops at Carlos' waist and brushes his thumb over the remote, stopping the machine completely for a moment.

Carlos' panting is the only noise in the room now, and TK watches him as it takes a few moments for him to calm down. His husband's stomach and chest are both messy from the two orgasms he's slowly pulled out of him from the fucking machine, and he's aiming for a third before they're done.

Smirking, TK reaches out and brushes his finger over the tip of Carlos' cock, smearing precome over the head. Instead of wrapping his hand around him like Carlos' so desperately wants, with the way he jerks at the first touch and tries to arch up into TK's hand, he drags his fingers down the length, scratching his nails lightly across the overly sensitive skin. 

He wonders how it feels for Carlos, with his sight blocked and relying only on touch, sound, and smell.

With his other hand, he turns the machine back on to a rough pace.

Carlos cries out and he yanks hard on the ropes as he tries to get away from the sudden, overwhelming sensations. He doesn't drop the bell clenched tightly in his fist, though, so TK keeps playing with him even as Carlos' entire body begins to tremble.

"You're doing so good, baby, just a little while longer," he praises, so proud of how long Carlos has managed to go tonight. 

It's been long enough since they've played like this that TK was initially worried about accidentally pushing him too far, but Carlos had helped soothe those worries before they started the scene. The second it got to be too much, he would drop the bell.

His husband moans brokenly and tilts his chin up, silently asking for a kiss. TK knows how well touch can ground him when the overwhelming feelings can tip on the bad side of the scale, and he readily gives that to him.

He slides his hand up Carlos' torso and stops at his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat against his palm as he leans down to claim his mouth. Carlos does more panting into TK's mouth than actual kissing, but that's okay.

TK brushes his nose against Carlos', more than happy to let him take all the time he needs. He rubs his thumb soothingly over sweat soaked skin, humming quietly. "Do you think you can go one more time, baby? Or do you want to stop?"

Carlos shakes his head and his determination, as tired and shaky as it is, makes TK smile and brush his hands through his curls. "N-No, I'm good, I'm green. Promise." 

He bites his lip then, an anxious tick that TK has tried and tried to train him out of. Carlos catches himself almost as soon as he does it and stops, so TK doesn't say anything.

"I want to—" his breath hitches and his legs try to close and squeeze his thighs together, but the green rope tied intricately around them stops the movement and he whines. "I don't want the machine anymore, I want your cock, Tyler, please."

With such pretty begging, who is TK to say no to that? He turns off the machine and Carlos sighs in relief as it stops its relentless pounding. "Of course, baby. Let me move this out of the way real quick, okay?"

TK gently eases the dildo out of Carlos' ass and fuck, he reaches out before he can think about it and presses his thumb against the puffy rim, pushing in and watching the way his hole gapes around it.

"God, you're so fucking wet, Carlos," TK groans. He had been extra generous with the lube when they started this, and it had done its job of making the dildo slick and making an absolute mess under Carlos.

Carlos is going to be sore tomorrow, and TK won't be able to resist teasing him.

"Tyler," his husband whines, snapping TK out of his aroused daze. 

He pulls away and goes back to putting the fucking machine to the side, setting it on the floor by the bed to be dealt with later.

(Later, after a short nap with Carlos, he will have forgotten all about the machine when he wakes up and trip over it as soon as he's out of bed.)

After a moment of consideration, TK makes quick work of untying the ropes holding Carlos' legs and rubs the skin around his ankles rubbed slightly raw from all of his squirming.

TK strips out of his boxers and takes his cock in hand, his eyes rolling back at the first touch of relief he's given himself all night.

"You ready, baby? One more and then you can relax."

He settles between Carlos' legs and his husband tries to wrap them around him, but he's worn out and tired now. His head rolls against the pillow and his chest heaves with his harsh breathing.

"Please…"