#anxiety is keeping me again from sleeping

[jollyhunter]

Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Warnings! MDNI, explicit sexual content (light), fluffy smut, but also cuddling and lots of teasing, Dean being needy and touchy and soft!dom

EDIT: Whoa!! I just woke up to 100+ likes and I am speechless! I never found the courage to post any of my stuff, until yesterday. Thank you all so so much - you have no idea how much this means to me, especially since I just joined tumblr and felt a bit intimidated and lost. You’re all amazing <3

Now enjoy! …already sorry for the damn tease kishishi 🦊

A/N: Heya! This is my first fanfic post- woohzaa [throws glitter and anxiety across the post]. English isn't my native language but I tried to make up for it with spell-checking? Also, I'm sorry for the cliffhanger sweethearts! Let me know if you liked it <3

Word count: 1,700

⚝‿︵‿୨♡ ⚝ ♡୧‿︵‿⚝

The smell of musky sweat still hung in the thick air and the sheets around you looked like a strangled mess. So your sleep was deep, exhausted but also feeling all spent and fuzzy from the several rounds you and Dean had a couple of hours ago. Your breathing was serene, your nose nuzzled into Dean‘s arm which worked as a makeshift pillow. The other one was tightly wrapped around your waist, keeping you close, holding your back against his slowly moving chest, keeping you warm and save in his tight locked arms.

A sudden bump against your butt stirred you slightly, but you assumed Dean was just being restless again. His arm tightened around you when you pressed your body further into him in a reassuring gesture, your hand meanwhile untangling itself from the sheets to interlace your slender fingers with his calloused ones.

Then the broad shoulders that were glued to your back, suddenly shift. His breath against your neck coming in short little excited puffs. And his hips gently rock against your arse, slowly and almost testing. You grumble in response and give his hand a little warning squeeze. „You have to sleep, Dean…“ you remind him with a dozily slurred voice. He‘d have to get up in an hour or so, as he and Sam were going to investigate a case somewhere up in Nebraska. It would probably take at least a couple of days, and you already knew he’d miss you just as much as you’d miss him, because he was always especially needy and touch-deprived before he left the bunker for longer.

Another bump against your back. You curl up into a ball, not wanting to leave his comfortable warmth but still trying to get your point across without having to use your voice.

When you cuddled up against him like a kitten, Dean stilled his movements. And you left a soft exhale of something like relief, snuggling under his strong arm, loving the feeling of his shielding presence all around you.

But Dean was not done. And you curling up like a cat didn’t help either - if anything, it just made his hidden sly smirk widen. Just when you went back to dreamland, you felt something brush against your knee. Then your thighs. Dean snaked his leg over yours, trapping you against the mattress. „Dean…“ you grumble again, your eyes still shut and your face buried under his arm while you tried to ignore the shiver that ran down your spine. He doesn’t reply. Instead his foot slips between your knees and he now slowly pushes your legs apart, parking his thigh between them to keep them spread for him. He brushed his nose against your neck, taking in your sweet scent, his fingers slowly dancing down your body, tracing every curve like he knew them by heart. Another shiver went through your body and it became harder to ignore the heat pooling in your stomach, the sleepiness somehow just accelerating your arousal. You wiggle under him when you suddenly feel his hot breath waft against your ear, „uh-uh-uh…“ His gravelly voice earns him a little shaky exhale from your parted lips while he quickly pins you further down.

Dean traced the rim of your pajamas pants with his fingers, teasingly slow while his other hand tightened its grip around yours, to keep you from slipping away. „Just lemme take care of you, baby…“ he murmured with his lips pressed against your ear, his head keeping you flush against the mattress. He wanted you to keep your eyes closed, stay sleepy, just relax and enjoy.

Not sure anymore whether you were dreaming or not, you found yourself nodding against his side, and that quite eagerly despite your half-asleep state. Satisfied with your answer, he slipped his fingers under the rim of your pants, taking his sweet time as his hand traveled down between your legs.

Just when his fingertip brushed against your clit, a loud knock at the door made you startle from your half-sleep-half-needy state.

„Dean? Come on man- we gotta go. Get your arse moving!“ Sam called out from the other side of the door, knocking again just to make sure he’d not ignore him.

Dean’s finger still idly circled your clit, torn between ignoring him or getting out of bed. After a moment he groans, his arms and legs still tightly in position around you, as he opens his mouth to bark back - but then is cut short by your lips on his cheek.

He turns back to look down at your curled up sleepy form, your cheeks flushed and goddamn you‘re already wet between your legs. „’tis okay” You reassure him, although you had to really force yourself to not sound frustrated and needy.

Dean grunted, knowing exactly that you were just trying to get him out of bed and out of trouble for being too late. But man he could have kicked his brother in the arse right about now.

He gave you a quick peck on the forehead and with a reluctant movement pulled his hand from your pants and untangled himself from your body. When he kicked his legs over the edge of the bed and got up, he suddenly turned around again, his eyes darkening and his lips curling into a sly smile.

“C’mere” he said gruffly, making it sound like an order. But you just looked up at him with bleary eyes, blinking in confusion as your mind was still half asleep. “On your knees.” He patted the spot in front of him with an air of authority.

You weren’t sure where this was going but were curious enough to play along. So you sat up, swaying a bit as you scooted closer to the edge on your knees. “Uh-uh,” you stopped and tilted your head in confusion, giving him that befuddled puppy look. He circled his index finger, gesturing for you to turn around. “On your hands and knees.” He said with that iconic deep and firm voice.

You swallowed, a little shiver running down your spine again. Without any protest you did as you were told and backed up against the edge of the bed again, this time facing away from him.

“Wanna get a look again.” He began, while his hands suddenly cupped your arse, squeezing them. „Wanna memorize what I’ll miss.“ You bit your lower lip, glad he couldn’t see your needy eyes right now. With a swift motion, his fingers hooked under the rim of your pants and he pulled them all the way down to your knees. The moment the air hit your bare skin, you were suddenly fully aware of how exposed you felt, unable to see what he was doing, where his eyes were going and what his next move would be. Without a word his hands immediately went back to your hips, slipping up to the back of your waist and pressing you down with a certain strength that made you follow each of his movements like a tamed horse. He ran one hand up between your shoulder blades and pushed down there as well until your tilted head and your chest were flush against the mattress, drawing a small whimper from your mouth. God how he loved seeing you comply like this, exposed, open and vulnerable to him, filling his heart with pride.

He kept one hand on your back to pin you down while his other went to tug at your lowered pants. “Jesus… you’re dripping, sweetheart.” He mutters almost in awe when you felt his eyes roaming your wetted thighs and pants. Suddenly he slides his hand back up along your spine until each of them grabs your hips. He angles them so your butt would point more up for him, pushing you even further into the bed, just the way he wanted you. Then out of nowhere his firm hands grab your arse cheeks and without a warning he pulled them apart, getting a real nice look on your slick folds. „I want to remember this view…“ He mutters, spreading your arse even more while you felt him bend down, his hot breath hitting the inside of your thighs, „Want to think of that beautiful pussy when I‘m alone…“

And then you suddenly feel the tip of his tongue flick against your clit, the unexpected sensation almost making you buckle while a shuddering moan slips your lips. Dean chuckles, relishing the effect he’s having on you. „Hold still, baby.“ He ordered while his one hand trailed over your hip and to the small of your back, holding you down, and his other started to rub your arse cheek, affectionately and proudly. „God… you’re so beautiful… Want to remember your taste…“ He continued before his tongue flicked across your folds this time, wetting his lips with your sweet juice, followed by a deep groan, "God you taste so fucking good...". He pulled the stroking hand back, and then brought it down again with a sharp swat to your arse. You yelped and your legs trembled, which made Dean grin proudly that he managed to surprise you with that move. „You a good girl until I‘m back?“

He didn’t wait for an answer but swats your arse again, this time definitely leaving a red mark he knew you wouldn’t mind. „You be good?“ He asks again, his voice taking that gravely tone which always made you squirm.

„Mhm,“ you mutter against the mattress, trying to hold still for him. „I‘ll be good.“

„That’s my girl.“ He patted your red arse cheek, his lips widening into that cheshire grin of his, „Now you get some rest.“

Before you could protest, he wiggled the soaked pants up your legs and over your hips again. You stifled a soft whine but knew it was no use, he‘d need to go now. Dean chuckled at the needy sound that slipped your perfect cute lips and it took all of his willpower to not just take you right there. He leaned over you to kiss you on the neck, his lips lingering there for a little longer than usual before he whispered in a low rumbling voice, „We‘ll continue right here when I‘m back, sweetheart... and 'till then... I‘ll always think of you.“

[ode-to-melpomene]

Hello!! I loved your writing for Daring rescue! It was a funny but still showed the vulnerable sides of the batboys!!!

I was wanting to request some fluff with Tim? Up to you! I just feel like he needs more fics!

I agree, Tim definitely needs more love! I hope you like it 💛

Weekend Off

Pairings: Tim Drake x gn!reader Synopsis: Weekend plans are often interrupted when you are dating a hero. Word Count: 985 Warnings: Fluff, and somewhat suggestive dialogue/flirting. Maybe subtly angsty at the end.

Tim tried not to bring vigilantism into your home. He knew you didn’t mind–in fact, you had teased him about how good he looked in his suit several times… but often he fought to keep you and that side of his life separated.

Tonight was not that night.

A last-minute call from Stephanie had changed his plans. He had planned to take the weekend off with you since you had just finished midterm exams and were feeling a lull in your college workload; but, if Steph was calling him for backup despite knowing his weekend plans, it was too important to ignore.

So, Tim hurriedly gathered what he needed. He was underprepared–too few supplies in his toolkit, given he didn’t want to bring extras into your apartment. He regretted that now and thoroughly wished he could hide a stockpile in the back of your closet. You would let him if he asked.

“I’ve got a cup steeping,” you called from the kitchen, your voice carrying through the adar door to the small bedroom Tim changed in. “You want some before you head out?”

“Coffee?” he asked with a crooked grin. He could picture the way your nose no doubt wrinkled in disgust.

“Tea,” you responded with an exaggerated sigh and a hidden smile. “Y’know, the one that’s actually good for you.”

“Coffee can be good for you,” he debated with a smile. Tim sat on the edge of the bed, his back to the door, and worked on pulling his boots on. They slid on easily over his socks–a comfortable pair you had gotten for him for his birthday after complaining about his feet aching after patrols. The comfort the socks brought him made it easy to ignore the pink flamingo pattern. “It helps boost metabolism and antioxidants-”

“And causes anxiety and sleep disruption,” you argued, your voice suddenly much closer than the kitchen. Tim turned to look over his shoulder at your figure standing in the doorway, sipping from the warm mug in your hands. “You and I both know you need more sleep.”

“I sleep best when I’m with you,” he replied. Tim stood with a tired sigh and adjusted his feet in the boots.

“Have I mentioned how much I like the suit?”

Tim laughed, turning to face you and your teasing grin. Your eyes roved over the suit, taking another sip as you ogled. “A few times, yeah.”

You hummed in reply then lowered the mug from your lips. “I prefer you without the cowl. The domino mask shows how handsome you are.”

“Being handsome doesn’t exactly help me stop crime.”

“It does if your good looks distracts them enough,” you quipped. Tim scoffed playfully and turned his back to you. He pulled his belt from the suitcase he had brought with him and fastened it around his waist.

“What, like how you get distracted?”

Tim fiddled with the buckle of his belt, waiting for your clever response. His brows rose when you held off as he adjusted the straps across his chest and centered the emblem. When he finally turned to face you again you were staring at him from beneath your lashes, a coy smile on your lips.

“Sorry, did you say something? I was too busy admiring how you look in that tight spandex-”

“Alright, enough out of you,” he chastised with a shake of his head. You barked out a laugh at his response, admiring the blush that rose on his cheeks. You set your mug of tea atop the dresser beside the bed and made your way over to him.

Your hands slipped beneath the tactical straps that crossed his chest. His hands landed on your waist, bunching the soft fabric of your pajamas beneath his gloved hands. “You look nice,” he uttered quietly.

You scoffed. “It’s the same pajamas I wear every time you come over.”

“And you look nice every time,” he answered, pressing a kiss to your temple. You huffed in response and your hands moved up, one cupping his cheek and the other tangling in his hair. You tipped his head, chasing his lips with your own.

“Wish you could stay,” you muttered against his lips between slow kisses. He hummed in response and cupped your jaw with one gloved hand. “Don’t suppose I could convince you to?”

Tim pulled away and fixed you with a stern look. You sighed and dropped your forehead to his chest with a dull thump.

“I’m going to watch your favorite show without you while you’re gone.”

Tim gasped softly in offense, although the way his hands moved across your back and pulled you flushed against him told a different story. “Criminal. You know I could throw you in Blackgate for something like that?” His hands cupped your cheeks and lifted your head, forcing you to meet his gaze.

“Good luck,” you huffed out a laugh. “I’m a highly skilled individual. My boyfriend taught me self-defense–I’m not going down without a fight.”

“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” he responded, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You sighed in defeat when he took a step away, his hands moving deftly to his cowl and pulling it over his head. “Gotta go. Spoiler wants backup before she proceeds with her case.”

You smile warmly, hiding the disappointment as best you can. “She’s lucky to have you watching her back.”

Tim hesitated for a moment as he backed towards your bedroom window, staff in hand. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I know. Stay safe,” you answered with a reassuring smile. He returned the expression as he slid the window open and planted one foot on the ledge outside. He nodded curtly in response.

Tim didn’t linger. The faster he could get this done, the faster he could return to the warmth of your apartment and enjoy his weekend off.

[demonpiratehuntress]

anxious

Portgas D. Ace x F!Reader

summary - you're very anxious and prone to panic attacks, and your boyfriend seems to forget that after a bad mission.

warnings - a little bit of angst, mean and kind of toxic Ace, hurt/comfort, panic attack triggers (or at least they are for my anxiety, idk about you guys but a warning anyway)

You were just trying to be thoughtful.

You hadn't known his mission had gone so sour.

It was a harmless surprise, and you hadn't known that he felt so strongly about it.

"SURPRISE!"

His expression went from anger, to shock, and back to anger in the span of ten seconds as he realised what was happening. One look at the decorations and the cake confirmed it.

"(Name), what is this?" Ace's hard gaze turned on you.

You shrunk back a little ,not used to being on the receiving end of that look, "You never celebrate your birthday, so I wanted-"

"There's a reason I don't!" He raised his voice, making you flinch.

"I-I'm sorry-" You started, panic flooding your body. "I didn't-"

"Think? No, you didn't," he cut you off harshly. "If you were thinking, you would have asked me first!" Small flames flickered on several parts of his body as he stepped closer, glaring menacingly.

At the first sign of your body trembling, Marco stepped between the two of you, "Ace, stop."

You felt humiliated. The rest of the crew had seen everything, and your face burned with embarrassment. You shook slightly, the panic growing until you became unsteady and stumbled, catching yourself on the wall.

You turned and fled, hot tears streaming down your face.

You barely made it into the room before you couldn't take it anymore, your entire frame shaking so violently you couldn't keep your balance. You fell to your hands and knees, unable to breathe as you sobbed.

Someone came in behind you, and you made out a figure trying to help you up, but you couldn't tell who it was before you passed out.

-

You woke up in your bed, but with an empty spot beside you. You frowned deeply - Ace hadn't slept here with you last night. He was never that upset with you, he always craved your touch regardless.

You sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You felt horrible, not just emotionally but physically too. Still, you got up to get ready.

Your first action was to find Marco, because if Ace hadn't come back last night then it must have been the doctor who put you in your bed. Which you were grateful for, but embarrassed about.

"(Name)! How are you feeling?" He offered you a warm smile when you eventually found him.

"Better," you admitted, "But..."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's not you who needs to apologise," you sighed. "But anyway, thank you for helping me last night. Have you seen Ace?" The moment you saw Marco's expression, your anxiety returned. "What?"

"(Name)..." He sighed. "I shouldn't tell you."

"Why?" But even as you asked, unease gnawed at you slowly and made you uncertain you wanted to know the answer.

Before Marco could answer, someone's shout from outside made you freeze up.

"Ace, there you are! Finally made it back from the bar? With all those pretty women that were surrounding you, we feared the worst!"

It was a harmless joke to the crewmate who'd spoken, but those words crushed whatever hope you were holding onto that you could talk to Ace about what happened.

Marco quickly went to close the door, "You can stay here if you'd prefer not to see him." He eyed your trembling hands, then added, "I think it would be best if I go talk to him."

All you could do was nod, before you had to force yourself to sit down. The anxiety you felt increased tenfold, making your head spin. The dizziness worsened, to the point that you felt as if you were going to faint again. You tried breathing in and out deeply, but that failed and the tears came before you could stop them.

How could one small issue, that could have been talked through rationally, cause this much hurt?

When you eventually ran out of tears and stopped shaking, you decided you'd had enough. Ignoring Marco's suggestion to stay there, you left his room and left the ship, going onto the island it was docked at.

Acting as if you didn't hear the confused calls and shouts of your concerned crewmates behind you.

A hand closed around your wrist before you could get too far, and without thinking you swivelled around and punched your assailant square in the nose.

Ace let go and stumbled back, a surprised and pained grunt leaving his lips as he covered his sore appendage, "I deserve that."

"What do you want?" You asked emotionlessly, arms crossed.

"To apologise," he looked up at you, guilt clear in his eyes. Hurt and panic joined it when he reached for you again but you flinched away from him. A first.

"For insulting me or for going to be with other girls on your birthday?" You snapped, crossing your arms.

His guilt worsened, "I...both."

"This is the worst apology I've ever heard."

"Look, I'm sorry," he pleaded, "I'm really, really sorry. You didn't make me upset, you never do. I was just...the mission went bad, and I barely got out of there and I was just so frustrated that I couldn't see or think straight. And I ended up hurting the person I love the most because of it." He stepped closer slowly, shoulders sagging in relief when you didn't move away. "I know it's not an excuse, and I feel so, so horrible for being the cause of a panic attack...But please let me make it up to you, I want to celebrate my birthday with you. You're the reason I want to celebrate it now. Please..."

The sincerity of his words and the pain in his eyes were enough to convince you that he was truly sorry. You sighed, finally letting your guard back down and taking his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I forgive you, just...don't do it again. If you do I will throw you into the ocean."

His eyes lit up and he engulfed you in the tightest of hugs, "Deal!"

He sucked up to you hard the following few days, doing anything and everything you asked. He knew the crew took advantage of that and asked you to tell him to do certain things, but he never protested because he knew he had a lot to make up for.

He brought you breakfast in bed, forcing himself to wake up earlier than he would usually just to get you food for when you woke up. He made the bed and cleaned the room, organised your clothes and attended to you every need.

Because the thing about Ace is that he cares deeply, and loves even deeper. If he hurts someone he loves more than anything, he doesn't forgive himself easily and he grovels, hard. Even if you've already forgiven him.

But that's what you loved most about him, his passion for and commitment to the ones he loves.

[vind3miat0r]

Disabled Speaker hcs :3

sum headcanons for disabled!speakers that i thought i would share :3 (aka me realizing i have a horrible habit of keeping headcanons to myself 💀)

enjoy :3

hard of hearing and autistic David who didnt like wearing his hearing aids when he was a teen because they were uncomfy and everything was too loud and overstimulating. he eventually acclimated himself to them but some days doesnt wear them bc he knows it would be too much for him

Asher with an audio processing disorder (projection moment)

Milo loosing 50% of his sense of taste after stepping into the ward during the Inversion. he started packing spices into the food that he cooked so he could taste them again

more under the cut

Sam had Wilson’s Disease before he was turned (bonus hc that vampires’ bodies are forever caught in whatever state they were in when they got turned. example: if someone had gotten chemotherapy the day before they were turned, they would always have that lingering sense of fatigue afterwards. their disease never went away, it was just put on hold forever. so, Sam still has Wilson’s Disease, it was just caught at a time where it was under control)

Vincent has pain flareups + some numbness in his left arm due to it literally getting separated from his body during the accident (William managed to reattach it) (bonus hc: Vincent had asthma before he was turned :3)

Porter has panic disorder (Treasure has implored that he looks for a doctor or therapist that could help him, but he believes that he doesnt deserve the help 💔)

*projects my autism onto the entire DAMN Crew*

Caelum who isnt disabled but makes sure to research disabilities any of his charges have

autistic Gavin because i said so

Lasko having some sort of spine/leg injury related to his home life as a kid and having to use a cane/crutches as a result

Damien who had mild anxiety that spiked after the Inversion, and ended up getting a service dog

Huxley with sleep apnea because i said so‼️

uhh yeah thats abt it :3 lmk if i should make a part two :D

[sugarushwriting]

ot7 vampire — human blood bank

s2, part 6

master list here

accepting requests and ideas

adult content featured, read at your own discretion

it was past 2 am. silence all throughout the neighborhood. all throughout the house. you slept soundly next to sunghoon, you occasionally twitching in your sleep.

“come to me.”

your eyebrows knitted confusingly in your sleep. behind your eyelids, you saw a dark shadow loom over you. it’s like seeing yourself in third person—an out of body experience.

watching yourself sleep next to sunghoon while this unknown figured stood over you quietly. just observing. just staring.

you couldn’t speak or make any movement.

but the figure’s outline was similar to ni-ki’s build. you gasped. it was ni-ki!

except when he turned around from your sleeping figure, he was ni-ki but he didn’t look like ni-ki.

blood covered his mouth, dripping down his chin. shirt covered in blood. fangs extended, pointy and ready to pounce on his next meal.

irises red and dark as the blood worn on his clothes. hair a mess, as if someone had been tugging at it. like pushing him away. his smile, eerie, unsettling, and nightmarish.

it gave you chills.

before you could react, ni-ki had you pinned against the wall, you unable to move. you couldn’t scream. you couldn’t move your limbs. you were helpless.

ni-ki’s nose ran against the length of your neck, teasing his fangs against your skin. ni-ki smiled against your skin, his teeth poking through your flesh.

you awoke with a scream, so blood curdling, you sure it woke up any sleeping animals nearby.

sunghoon sat up quickly, ready to fight and protect.

your hand rested on your chest, sobs breaking out of you, your chest heavy, you hyperventilating.

“calm down, baby, it’s okay, i’m here!” sunghoon tried to soothe you, but you fought him. he tried to hold and comfort you, but you pushed him away, thrashing at the covers, still fighting the demon you saw in your nightmare.

it didn’t take long before the 5 boys came running to sunghoon’s room—jay, heeseung, jake, jungwon, and sunoo.

all with confused, frightened, and terror written all over their faces.

you knew it was them, but all you could see was ni-ki’s frightening smile.

you started pulling at the shirt you was wearing, suddenly feeling claustrophobic as if you were being choked.

“love!�� jay’s voice was deafening. his tone deeper, more authoritative to get you to snap out of this state of pain from your nightmare.

soon you stopped any screaming, yelping, crying, or any other noises. your face hid behind your hands as you sobbed quietly.

the boys were at a lost of words and what to do. how to comfort you. they didn’t want to startle you.

jay turned to some of the guys, “heeseung and jungwon, come with me. we’ll look over the premises to see if anything got too close to comfort on our property that shouldn’t have.”

jay was now worried. worried that something had also gotten to you. because sakura had reached out again, worried out of her wits.

jungwon and heeseung went with the older, as sunoo and jake stayed behind to keep you company with sunghoon.

“i’ll go get her some water and wet rags.” jake offered and walked out the room. you were a sweating mess.

sunoo observed you carefully, his sensitivity meter going way off. he felt so many emotions from you.

fear. anxiety. sadness. despair. confusion.

sunoo went to whisper your name as gentle as possible but you flinched.

flinched at sweet, innocent, caring sunoo.

sunghoon and sunoo exchanged a glance of puzzlement.

what or who got you so worked up?

outside the home, the three others found nothing. no footprints, no smells that didn’t belong, nothing.

“there’s nothing out here, jay!” jungwon called out.

jay nodded in agreement and the three went back in the house to check on you.

meanwhile ni-ki hid in the shadows, his powers masking his scent from anyone he was trying to hide from.

he didn’t mean to scare you. he promise he didn’t. you were just so alluring.

meanwhile behind ni-ki stood sunwoo. sunwoo with a sinful smile.

soon, you would belong to sunwoo and his kind.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

you awoke with a pounding headache the next morning. you were alone in sunghoon’s bedroom. for no reason at all, your heart started to race.

fear.

“sunghoon!” you yelled scared.

in no time, sunghoon had his door open, running to your side asking you what was wrong.

“i—i don’t know why im so fearful all of a sudden. im sorry!” you sobbed out an apology.

“no need to be sorry, babydoll. you’ve had a terrible night.” sunghoon comforted you and was happy that you finally let one of them do so.

you sobbed in his shoulder, gripping onto his body tight, afraid he might leave you to become a victim of something.

“babydoll, jay is going to want to know what happened.” sunghoon said patting your head. he used a thumb to wipe away a tear of yours.

you nodded in understanding. “i know, but how do i even explain something that i don’t even understand myself?”

sunghoon looked at you lovingly with worry. “what do you remember?” he whispered.

“i just remember being scared and fearful for my life. uncomfortable, like i was being watched from every angle.” you tried to explain.

sunghoon listened carefully, but it didn’t help that you didn’t even know what you saw.

“where is jay?” you asked.

“he went to talk with sakura and the other girls. something happened last night.” sunghoon explained.

you gasped. “what?”

sunghoon sighed. “garam, one of the girls claims she woke up in the middle of the night and found some guy standing at the edge of eunchae’s bed staring at her.”

“oh my!” you got goosebumps all over your body. “does she know who it was?”

sunghoon shook his head. “no, but sakura is worried it might’ve been ni-ki, although she can’t be sure.”

“why would she think that?”

sunghoon shrugged. “she just said that garam felt vampire vibes and the dude had dark hair but that was it. jay went to see if he could feel a linger of ni-ki in their house.”

“jay has to believe something if he even went to their house.”

“you’re right. jay does believe something is going on. he said the other day, he just unconsciously tried to read sakura’s thoughts and he could. that could only mean the tea they’re drinking isn’t working anymore.”

sunghoon explained more how the girls started to have personal items go missing and feeling sick more often. mainly eunchae. eunchae has became sickly the past week, paler each day, losing energy and being less like her self.

“what is jay going to do?”

“we have a guesthouse in the back. it’s still within our boundaries we’d be able to feel anything out of the ordinary. he’s gonna have them stay there.”

you nodded. this should be fun.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

later that day, you peeped from the back window of the library, watching jay, heeseung, jake, jungwon, and sunghoon move in the seraphim girls.

jay laughed at what sakura was saying. sunghoon making intense eye contact with zuha with a smile.

you swallowed a lump in your throat, suddenly feeling many emotions at once.

mainly jealousy.

but why? could it be because of jay and sunghoon’s past with sakura and kazhua?

but you knew those girls were no longer interested in those boys, at all. however, you couldn’t say the same about the boys.

“watcha looking at sweetheart?” ni-ki’s deep voice sounded from behind you.

you ignored him, continuing to stare out the window. jay could feel something, and when he looked up, he saw you staring back at him.

but what he saw behind you nearly terrified him. a dark shadow figure with red eyes, but then, it turned into ni-ki.

now he was seeing things. jay waved up at you, but you didn’t wave back. ni-ki did, with a smirk.

“worried your boy toys will find new play things?” ni-ki teased, “mhm, maybe now you can leave and get out of this arrangement like you wanted years ago”

you turned around, rolled your eyes at ni-ki, and pushed past him, out the library. sunoo was leaning against the wall, opposite of the library door way.

he smiled when he saw you, but then frowned seeing ni-ki.

sunoos radar was going off with ni-ki, but the worst thing was, he couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“hey, you excited for the seraphims to be our new neighbors?” sunoo smiled brightly.

“not really.” you mumbled. sunoo frowned once again. your energy had gone down tremendously, jealousy and anger becoming a strong emotion of yours. it wasn’t like you at all.

ni-ki stayed silent behind you with a smile.

“are you okay?” sunoo asked carefully.

“not really.” you sighed. “i’m going for a walk—alone. i’ll be okay.” you quickly stated before sunoo could offer to come with or mention talking to jay or sunghoon first.

quickly making your way down the steps, you went out the front door, and made your way down the road for a quick walk.

you needed to try and get your emotions under control. you didn’t understand why you were feeling this way.

it’s not pregnancy hormones—they can’t get you pregnant.

it’s not your menstrual cycle—you honestly haven’t had that in a while (thank heavens!)

could it be a mental health thing? you were never officially diagnosed, but mental health did run in your family.

maybe anxiety? depression? bipolar? you didn’t want to diagnose yourself, knowing it was more complicated than some symptoms.

you were too in thought talking to yourself, you didn’t notice yourself being followed.

you hadn’t even noticed you made your way to the tree line near the forest were you caught ni-ki and those other vampires feeding.

“how the heck did i get here?” you gasped. it’s like you subconsciously came here.

a shadow stepped from behind a tree. dark hair, full lips. it was one of the vampires you saw that day.

you went to step back once, but he easily caught up to you, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you still.

he tsked, “don’t think about it. you scream, i rip your throat out.”

you inhaled deeply. “i—i wasn’t.”

you was.

“ni-ki was right, you are a terrible liar.”

then the boy scolded down to you like you were a child. he even addressed you by name.

the thing was, ni-ki never told them your name. but you didn’t know that.

“who are you?”

“my name is sunwoo.” he smiled, slightly showing off his fangs.

“hi sunwoo, can you let me go now?” you asked trying to pull away but failed.

“mhm, no, i think i’ll keep you.”

“ni-ki knows i went out for a walk. he’ll notice i was gone too long and notify the others.”

“you sure about that?” sunwoo stated, your full name ending the sentence.

once again, you gulped. “huh?”

“how do you think i knew your name? this was all part of ni-ki’s game. i knew you followed him that one day to the woods.” sunwoo rattled off. he unwrapped his hand from your waist, instead circling you like prey.

“that’s—a lie!”

“it’s not, pretty. you saw what ni-ki does with us. did he tell you he killed a poor runaway the other day?” sunwoo laughed.

ni-ki killed someone? no, no that can’t be! you couldn’t believe it. you didn’t want to believe it.

but you saw what he can do. the damage he can do when he’s out of control.

“what does this have to do with me?”

“oh sweetheart, you’re gonna be my new favorite feeding station.”

“to hell i am!” you yelled. you went to push him, but he quickly caught you by your wrist.

“not a smart move.” he gritted, his irises turning red, the rest of his eyes, black.

sunwoo quickly wrapped his elbow against your neck and began choking you. not enough to kill you, but enough to make you pass out.

[exlibrisseverus]

another sleepless night

[exuberantoctopus]

.

[inkteresting-art]

Please ignore this it's almost 1am and I can't sleep and am full of vinegar ...laying in bed stuck with my thoughts and man do they suck, for months all I've been doing it feeling guilty and horrible about myself and hoping to talk to people in hopes of apologizing and making burned ends less burnt.. I'm coming to the realization that it's never going to happen and need to just give up, I wont be getting my chance to speak.. I want to be forgiven, but at the same time, thinking about the pass two years and how angry I actually am about how things were stated and also parts left out, the forgiveness I deeply want really means nothing to me. if anything it's acted as a fuckin poison to my brain to constantly hope and think about it on a daily bases. Stuck thinking about how everyone hates me and not having a way out like a mouse stuck in a burning cage.

I miss drawing the things I liked, all my Fav OC's I now kinda hate due to having to throw them in the corner, forcing myself to redo them all when in the end not really having a good purpose to do so.

I don't know how to bounce back anymore but I have no choice but to try and walk away anyways. I'll find something that will click again and meet new people.

[chromoluminary]

the anxiety medication I’m on is working but I would like it to Work More

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Reefer Madness Lives

This is not such a hot paper, and the peer review process where it was published is not so hot either. Peer review in general is... Let's be charitable and say it's more for money and prestige than scientific rigor. But, just for basic integrity, you need to operate with a double-blind. CMAJ is single-blind, so their reviewers know if they're up against anyone famous or well-connected who might bring them a lot of attention. And their primary criteria is "importance and novelty." Less delicately, if it looks like it will get a lot of clicks and cites, they'll be pleased to publish it. This is not all that out-of-the-ordinary for science journals, and that's kinda bad.

But a paper saying that pot is gonna poison your children and give people schizophrenia will get a shitton of clicks and cites. It's the number one trending story on CBC right now! And there are live comments!

I need CBD and THC to deal with my PTSD and sleep problems. It's possible that, after being under-treated for decades, I will eventually deal with my underlying health issues enough to sleep unassisted, but I ain't there yet. And ya know what makes it really hard to make it to go to doctor's appointments and get care? Not being able to sleep!

I had a medical marijuana card before, and I could probably qualify for one again if I had to. But A) Do you really want me taking up a doctor's time for this when there aren't enough doctors for everyone right now? and B) Legalized recreational use keeps availability convenient, variety and quality-control reasonable, and prices low. If you are going to inflict capitalism on me, don't kneecap what little benefit a free market is able to provide.

Now, we don't want to get people high without their consent, and children cannot consent to getting high (although some of them do need cannabis products for medical reasons), so for fuck's sake store your shit carefully if you've got kids. But "cannabis poisoning" as they put it, means, "I feel awful and maybe I threw up but I won't die, even if I'm super paranoid and feel like I might." Most people who wind up in the hospital are adults screwing around with edibles who don't know what to expect, and all they need is a nice, patient friend who'll tell them they're fine. This "poison" doesn't kill people. Unlike, say, antifreeze, or children's Tylenol. (Although, I hear Willie Nelson's friend had a bale of pot fall on him one time, so it's not as safe as they say!)

And the schizophrenia thing... People with mental health issues self-select for these studies by choosing to self-medicate. You might also say cannabis use has a strong correlation with PTSD flashbacks - because people with PTSD know it helps and they freaking well try it, and sometimes they still have flashbacks. A psychedelic is not the best choice for schizophrenia, god no, but if you're having associated depression and sleep issues and you haven't been diagnosed yet, you might give it a try. Better mental healthcare and better, earlier diagnoses and treatment will address this issue more effectively than yet another moral panic.

But a certain portion of the population is really invested in "drugs are bad" and "drug users are addicts and addicts are bad" narrative. Like, literally invested. It keeps them in political power and gets money for studies like this and "public health" campaigns that are really thinly-veiled, outdated DARE propaganda.

Even this study, which specifically excluded medical marijuana use, found social benefits to not criminalizing drug use and drug users. No shit. People don't get addicted to something because addiction is fun; they have severe, unaddressed problems and they're doing whatever they can to cope with them, whether that's staying stoned all the time or blowing their retirement fund on Funko Pops. And most people who use drugs don't get addicted. (Also most people who buy Funko Pops, one assumes.) Removing them from society and giving them all criminal records doesn't help anyone.

Harm reduction should be the goal here, as in most things. You will never get it perfect, but you need to take steps towards improving the general situation as much as possible. Sending the War on Drugs (really, the War on Your Own Population) into extra innings after decades of failure is... Ha-ha, well, it's self-destructive addict behaviour, y'all. Maybe you could use some social services to help you deal with your problems in a better way.

[mando-abs]

Less than 24 hours in recovery and I’m having a huge newfound love for women who’ve had c-sections. Y’all are angel warriors. Like I can’t even imagine doing anything much less even thinking about tending to a child three days from now. Just know I am with y’all in spirit right now and giving you a kiss on the lips.

I don’t care when you’ve had the baby. I’m kissing you right now.

[byanyan]

when it's almost 5am and u get woken up by ur dog climbing into bed with u looking anxious so your dumb, unmedicated ass gets anxious too :/

[running-in-the-dark]

my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.

unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.

[xxlelaxx]

i probably got postnatal anxiety... aint that something...

[noxtivagus]

Final. Fantasy.

[samuraisharkie]

sitting in a chair placidly playing solitaire with the stress levels of someone being hunted and tortured for sport