#anxiety i thin
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whatevas wrong with me crazy because ill see a post that implies something vaguely threatening will happen to me if i take a certian action and it ruins my life for the next 2 years
#okay “ruins my life” is an exaggeration it makes me feel vaguely anxious for the next 2 years. is what i mean#can sleep facing the wall. can leave charger plugged in. cant leave door unlocked#anxiety i thin
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Thinking about them…
#Dungeon meshi#laios touden#touden family#Toudad and momden#The laifam. The touuu… tou… toudamily? Help idk#Laios holding onto his dad like that after a near death experience after he ran away from his warnings gets to me so bad.#Dad does care dad was so worried and he WOULD stick with u thick and thin he just thinks about ur sake#w momden i also almost put the exorcising Falin thing instead but that wasn’t Laios centric enough#I’ve been writing a laios pov family angst fic lately i’ll be posting it real soon#Gonna be called Push the deciduous out of my gums you’ll know it when u see it#Sigh. Isn’t it neat how the Toudens are scandinavians but Toudad has an interest in myths so he gave his dogs and Laios greek names#That “he never told me anything” panel is prob my fave touden family moment like god what good framing what good hollowness in the delivery#Momden having debilitating anxiety but caring so so much and being overprotective and overdoing it my beloved. Peeking in on them eating#Dad too busy and mom too bedridden to share meals :(#Is the mama reading book pic very tiny and blurry? Yes. Do I have a better resolution of it? No#Could that be a servant peeking in and not their mom? Yes. Do I believe so? No
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Me being in the Phandom like
#danny phantom#deep space gives me anxiety lmao#stars are cool but they're on thin ice#I also can't see them very well anyway since I have visual snow so the night sky is more static than anything#ANYWAY GONNA POST THIS AND DUCK AND HIDE#safety/#that last tag is related to my OCD if you ever see me post it just know there's some weird or anxiety inducing OCD thought process happening#dogposts
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Anyway this is a link to a five year or so old guardian article about the exploitations in crystal mining. It's a good jumping point
#if someone tells me they work with crystals i generally hold them on thin ice until i get to know them better#and see how they handle it#because it tells me a lot.#not trying to start a fight. i have anxiety around what i do and probably a touch of OCD#i do welcome discussing things !!
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Fuck it. I'm like a furry except my fursona is Thin Man Little Nightmares 2!! MY FURSONA IS THIN MAN LITTLE NIGHTMARES 2 AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! I DON'T!!!! GIVE A FUCK!!!!!
IT HAS MADE ME CREATIVE AND HAPPY AND MAKES ME FEEL MASCULINE AND HELPS ME IN MY SELF LOVE AND SECURITY OF MY TRANS IDENTITY!!!!!
I DRESS LIKE THE THIN MAN EVERY TIME I STEP OUTSIDE AND I'M PROUD OF MY SELF EXPRESSION!!!!!
I DRESS LIKE AN OLD MAN AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!!!
#i have been ashamed of myself over this for three-ish years so I'm GETTING OVER MYSELF#so THERE#this isn't directed at anybody really#besides my own anxieties lolol#*spongebob voice* IM THIN MAN AND IM PROUD!!! IM THIN MAN AND IM PROUD!!! IM THIN MAN AND IM PROUD!!!#pickle blogging
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HIS FUCKING GRANDMA LITERALLY ALMOST DIED? CAN EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND CHILL THE HELL OUT
#century of love#mine#i will go grey today#taking wee away from all of them and wrapping him in a blanket#they can choke on the goddamn jewel#we will be eating ice cream and watching romcoms#maybe kissing idk#san can join once he walks his superstone separation anxiety off but grandpa is on thin ice
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Today at the cafe I went to there was this person at the table next to mine who was a perfect facecast for Millat Iqbal Whiteteeth and I spent a good 20 minutes wondering if there was a normal way to ask a random stranger to take their picture so I could use it to draw Fictional Guy From My Book
#i think i kept staring at them too much but like. they were literally millat what was i supposed to do#i did not end up asking them for a picture but maybe that would have been more normal behavior idk#trying to figure out how to walk the thin line between 'staring at strangers' faces to learn drawing' and 'weirding people out'#things i am constantly negotiating on public transit at 10pm#ANYWAYS i forgot the person's face unsurprisingly but i'm going to draw my millat/magid image regardless#perce rambles#(caveat: i have more than enough social anxiety for my definition of 'staring at people' to rarely cross into actually weirding people out)#(by 'staring at people' i mean like. occasionally catching very guilty glimpses and then feeling bad for Looking At People In Public)
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1 am and my upstairs neighbors are rearranging their room it sounds like? hey do yall sleep? hey can yall sleep?
#like i get the floors are thin#but disrespectfully what the fuck are you doing#ik i am probably a loud upstairs neighbor (im on second floor)#but when it’s bedtime i’m quiet bc i have concern for others#genuinely wtf is this.#also they have 2 dogs that have separation anxiety or something#bc at the ass crack of dawn#the neighbors leave#and i’m here listening to the dogs howl so hard it sounds painful for them#until they eventually stop after an hour#ok i’ll stop complaining now#if ur still reading i give u kiss on the mouth#shae hollers
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deeply craving a fucking cigarette
#barely holding off a massive anxiety or panic attack or whatever 👍 I don't have time for that#I'm choking back a scream because if I start I probably won't be able to stop for a bit and the walls here are thin#and its the fucking. “trauma holder incoherently screaming and sobbing inside” time of night so that's great too#trying to not think about it but not succeeding because The Screaming always. fucking always. is accompanied by intense dread and fear#awesome! great! this is exactly what I need!#sorry. I know I do nothing but complain here and I know it's tiring. I'M tired of me.
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okay loving my job rn kinda ???
#it feels like joy at a job is always thin ice#but maybe that's just the anxiety lmao#but for once i actually feel like i'm helping ppl#instead of just getting treated like shit by my old bosses and doing the most boring work#like oh okay i can actually take joy in work??? that's possible??#hope it stays good but this is the busiest season for me but at least i feel like i'm making an impact#hope it's true#ugh whatver this is rambley when am i not rambling tho#katie.txt
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2day in a few hours im gonna go to a theater class/club and im so nervous i cant sleep n my stomach feels funny
#its 2 am im gonna have 2 wake up at 9am aaaaa#the social anxiety is killing me im not even there yet aaaaaaa#my parents convinced me 2 do thins saying that it would b fun bc i enjoy being teathrical n over the top n i would get 2 do that#and that it would improve my social skills n all of that is proly true buuuut#on the other hand what if the moment i step a foot on there everyone wants me dead on sight#aaaaaaaaaaaa#gh0ost txt#personal#WHAT IF MAAN
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The dynamic between Griffin and Valtor is actually amazing and it’s a a shame it was never brought up again.
#I think I accidentally made it a little bit funnier in my rewrite too#but like you’ve got someone megalomaniac looking for magic and power and his ‘Queen of Darkness’ by his side#and they’re close. really close.#but one day she just fucks off to join the enemy#and ya know you hate each other now but you still know all those small little things about each other#their fights would have been wild because it would’ve gotten just so personal#winx#winx club#winx rewrite#winx valtor#winx griffin#not trying to jinx it but I might be back on my winx bullshit and given that I’ve overcome the first round of fic posting anxiety#I might be able to actually write it this time#no promises tho bc I’m a slow writer and my energy is constantly spread thin
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Im gonna order a scale this weekend I can’t keep relying on the one my mom hid under her bed
#she rly tried with that hidingspot😐#almost like she wanted me to find it#don’t want to only be able to weigh myself when they’re out of the house#or even worse try to sneak into their room while they’re at home#can’t deal with that anxiety anymore imma just get my own scale#4nor3xia#i just want to be thin#i wanna be sk1nn1#light as a 🪶#tw 3d vent#tw ana bløg#tw ana rant#tw ed ana#⭐️rving
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ok sometimes the anxiety does in fact pop off bc wym the one time i decide not to pack extra pants/a sweatshirt/a good pillow and blanket i fucking NEED THEM
#anxiety girl i should have let u do your job this is going to ruin the tour#cant sleep in strange beds and thia pillow is mad thin so my throw blanket and i are fighting for our mf lives#and we have to walk to our next thing..... but there's thunderstorms in the forecast for a while#i am never packing light again#shouting into the void here
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ugh i kinda wanna get back on tumblr and rot my brain out some more
#i’d probably mostly just still bitch about my family tho#and then dish n overthink on the polycule expansion pack that just dropped#kink club tales abound#didn’t see that one coming#still unemployed#broker than ever#paranoia is consistently present but manageable#social anxiety is getting lesser every day tho!! making friends is awesome and cool and epic#okay time to bitch about the fam#the level of misogyny/transmisogyny is ASTRONOMICAL since my moms bf moved in#like he’ll deadname/mispronoun ems and he didn’t even meet her until#until recently and she’s been transitioned for over two years like buddy you do not get the benefit of the doubt with a little ‘slip up’#here. you are being a malicious piece of shit on purpose!!!!! at least don’t be a pussy about it!!!!!!!#also big kudos to my mom on sharing ems dead name. really fucking classy.#my cats and my girls tie my sanity together with a spider’s spinner#thin and invisible they weave the net around me to keep me safe until i can pluck up the courage to get us the fuck out of here#should be able to pass a drug test soon so that opens up my application options a lot. i feel confident that i’d be able to hold myself#together long enough to get enough cash to put a security deposit down somewhere in the city#extra friends means the chance for roommates too!!!!!<333#only if i can be chillin in the nude in front of them tho. chances now are looking dece lol#ugh i’ve been manic dramatic for long enough tonight#hopefully it’s only the void i’m screaming at. i’m so damn lucky to have all that i have rn. especially the friends.#stick together with your local faggots and trannies always#ALWAYS<33#signed dogweed
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