#anxiety fucking sucks man

[m-art77]

Do you guys ever think about how if redeemed!Durge pulls out of Gortash’s alliance after returning with Orin’s Netherstone that Gortash literally cannot rationalize their betrayal (and them now trying to kill him) by blaming their urge? Like how much of a complete mindfuck that would be for him. The Dark Urge just told him they’re 100% cured and now they’re trying to kill him? You know, the person who’s always been by their side, their partner in crime, their equal, and their (potential) lover; and now they’re trying to murder him. And prior to the amnesia, Gortash could always rationalize that if The Dark Urge tried to kill him one day that he could hand wave it as “they just couldn’t help themselves anymore” because of Bhaal’s hold on them. It doesn’t mean they wanted to.

But now, Bhaal is gone and The Dark Urge is moving in to kill him. There’s no way to rationalize it as anything else. The only person who ever cared about him is going to kill him, and he’ll die knowing everything they once had is completely gone. The Dark Urge doesn’t remember him. Their love for him died the moment Orin split their skull. The urge isn’t the reason they’re doing this. He’ll die knowing that they hate him.

[moon-down47]

GO GIRL!!! WORK YOURSELF TO DEATH!!!

You guys do not know what I have went through these last hours </3 /silly That's a lot of new information bud

Background below cut

[catboy-jupiter]

i'll be like "i'm a god of writing" and then an hour passes after i post or submit something and i'll be like "i'm so dumb there's so much i could've done better if only i'd waited a bit and looked at it with fresh eyes i would've noticed how much it sucks & what i could've improved that looks so much like first draft material there's so many revisions i could make why i am i so impulsive and overconfident" and then i'll start writing something else and be like "i'm a god of writing" again

[apostaterevolutionary]

The genuine stress I am experiencing waiting for final verdicts on veilguard is actually embarassing lmfao like pls why am I having very real anxiety over whether a video game will live up to my dreams about it or not. Why couldn't I have the math autism, what the fuck is this madness sdklsd

(This is a long personal rant about my own personal anxieties from a person who has not played the game yet and is waiting until people start finishing it cause I need to go in with the correct expectations or else I risk ruining the entire franchise for myself forever and I cannot do that)

Like okay I'm not doubting that it's commercially successful and a lot of people like it. That's great. I'm happy about that. But also. There's a lot of very successful games I personally don't like? I really disliked Hades for example. It's boring and repetitive and the combat is all just button mashing and I don't get the appeal at all. But it's a very successful game - obviously I am the outlier and that's fine. I have no problem with that. But any game that's ever compared in any way to Hades is one I won't buy cause I really, really didn't like it

I don't like soulsbournes either - unless they have difficulty settings and a strong narrative (respawn's star wars games are about the only ones I like tbh, and even then I do find the combat gets too repetitive at a certain point after completing the main story. Not too much that it's bad, but just by that point I'm avoiding enemies a lot cause I just want to get that last collectible gdi, stop spawning fucking stormtroopers all over the place lmao). But that's another genre of game that I just don't personally like even thought other people do. Elden Ring was massive and it's not that the people who like it are wrong, it's just that tastes vary and I don't enjoy that kind of experience

So when people compare veilguard to god of war (never played) or mass effect (games I like, but are a very different play experience than dragon age and I've always preferred DA by a lot for a reason) I'm like. Well okay you keep saying it's a good game, but is it a good dragon age game? Does it feel like dragon age? Am I going to open it up and go ah, yes, I'm home, or is it going to be like coming to a place I always used to go and finding everything's different and it's just a barely recognizable shadow of what I remember? Will it feel the way I want it to feel? Will it feel like the thing that defined several years of my life and fundamentally changed me as a person or will it feel like a stranger?

(Yes, I know it's "just a video game", but we don't always get to choose what matters to us and annihilation comes for us all, so let little shit matter to people okay)

And then I see people saying how bioware hasn't been an rpg studio since inquisition and anyone expecting an rpg was an idiot and like. Wait, wtf do you mean you all weren't expecting the newest released in a very well-known rpg series to be a fucking rpg??? Like yeah. Mass effect isn't but it never has been - it's always been a shooter with some rpg elements. Anthem wasn't either but anthem was a weird one off that flopped really bad. So yeah. I expected veilguard to be an rpg. If anything, my fear was they'd lean into inquisition's style a bit too much, as it was a very successful game at the time (won game of the year!) and even if a lot of us bitch about its flaws now, no one can deny it was successful. So yeah. I guess I was one of the "idiots" who can't let go of bioware's era of making amazing rpgs because that's what I started playing their games for. To wait 10 years for what sounds like is a massive genre pivot (and yes, I know it was originally an online game but I figured they'd pivot back to what they know they do well rather than entirely new territory) is... idk man, it feels bad

And like. I guess it's fine if veilguard cannot be called a dragon age game in terms of mood and feel. It's allowed to be that. But 1) ngl that is a disappointment to me and 2) like, that changes the way I approach playing it. If some of the rumours/vague hints/possible spoilers I've read are true, then I won't be able to play it like a dragon age game, I'll have to play it as a mass effect game. And like. Again, I like mass effect, but there's a reason I've played the trilogy only a few times and the DA games like over a dozen for origins and DA2. ME is just an inherently more stressful experience and that's all fine and good, but again, if it was an ME game, that would make more sense, the expectations are different for the two series'. Is it really so wrong to want a DA game to feel like DA? Or to be upset if it doesn't? Like yes, if I buy an apple I want an apple, and even if I like oranges, I don't think it's wrong to be upset if I bite into my apple and boom, it's just an orange inside, you know. It's not that oranges are bad, it's that I wanted an apple and expected an apple considering the sign said "apples"

And of course all of this might be alleviated by playing it but 1) again, these games matter to me and if I'm too disappointed, it can ruin everything for me and I don't want that - I've literally been thinking about a DA2 tattoo for the last couple years and this game suddenly coming out is the only reason I didn't get it this fall (and like, if I go in knowing it's not gonna be xyz, then I can deal with it, but I need to know first), and 2) it costs $80 of canada's own dollars lmao like. Yeah, you can get a refund on steam games if you don't like them, but you gotta play less than 2 hours and I don't think that's going to be enough to say for sure

Anyway, idk, this is a thought dump cause idk how to feel and I am just desperately waiting for some unbiased (or, rather, biased in the particular way I am biased lmao) final game opinions and in conclusion:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[lord-squiggletits]

God the loneliness has been hitting real bad since yesterday

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

[mars-ipan]

interesting disability mindset development: i think my gaining a “proper” physical disability is making me realize that my anxiety is also very much a real disability that should be taken more seriously

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[x-h3kk3ning-x]

Im going to the state fair in the morning with my two closest friends and Im like Nervous About It....sigh...

[nabsthevulture]

I need something to change for the better as of like a week ago or else I might as well just never get out of bed again

[descriptionofaruby]

and yknow what else

telling me like "youre an adult you deal with it" is so insulting actually. of course at the time my stupid feelings go "oh no i didnt think of this specific method of dealing with the problem and hadnt made steps yet i must be being immature :(" when in reality i just havent fucking gotten to the point where i know if and what steps i want to take yet. i was going to monitor how i feel for a bit to check consistency before i make a decision on talking to anyone because i actually felt really really happy last night and decent this morning before This happened which maybe shed have known if she'd asked about anything before she started talking about stuff. and of course shes asleep now so i just have to like sit here with this knowing i have to bring it up if i have any self respect and not knowing when thatll be an option

[the-kipsabian]

how often is too often to boop your own stuff that youre really proud of

[poisonedapples]

Super heavy vent ahead in the tags

[daddy-long-legssss]

me after three days of in-person meetings and team-building activities.

[barneysbigstompers]

Chucky and Jeepers creepers would scare the everliving shit out of me from when I was 4 to 8 genuinely NO ANNEBELLE SCARED THE EVERL8NGI SHIT OUTOF ME I WOULD CRYY

[dynjay]

Ugh... I'm not getting any sleep tonight...