#anxiety at all time high

[xiaonesis]

Single and unemployed.

This is definitely my Struggle Arc, right? Right?

I'm gonna emerge a hero after this. For sure.

Hope a volleyball hits me in the head soon tho.

[serpentface]

This was going to be a panel of a little comic but I got too invested in drawing minute background details so, here.

[gobstoppr]

Tetris Fanart.

I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah

[julykings]

the last bits of 2023

[northlight14]

Speaking as someone who was constantly late to school, I think punishing kids/teens for being late to school is stupid. Like, I get it. When they’re older, they can’t be late to work and stuff and they need to understand that. But majority of kids/teens are getting to school via their parents or someone else driving them or hell the school bus which is also driven by an adult. So when a kid arrives late and gets punished for it, all that’s happening is a child getting punished because the adult responsible for getting them there on time wasn’t successful. That’s not teaching the kid anything, that’s just annoying. Especially when, as a kid I was always ready on time and it was my parents I was waiting on and then in detention I’d be expected to write down a “what will I do better” that didn’t apply to me because I didn’t do anything wrong

I get that sometimes it will be the kids fault but I feel like those cases are few and far between and punishing a kid for the adults in their life is just counterproductive

[rqg179]

thinkin about lydia barkrock again i just. she's incredibly important to me both as someone who has chronic pain myself & as someone who grew up with a disabled parent. my mother was diagnosed when i was a toddler, so i don't remember a version of my mum who isn't disabled to some extent, it's just always been a fact of my life. and sure, there are certain things she can't do, and that list has probably gotten longer over the last few years, but she's still my mum, and she raised me, and she did a damn good job of it too. and idk i just. for the most part it's easy to find families that look like mine in fiction, but i'm not sure i've ever seen the medical side of my family in fiction in a way that feels as close to home as lydia & ragh's relationship does. it's just very lovely to see a disabled character who a) is a well-rounded character in and of herself, and b) is a parent, and is explicitly shown to be a good parent to her son

[acearohippo]

What do you mean by Shen Jiu being female-coded? /genq

Hello! To preface, in a lot of fandom spheres calling any cis gendered character "[gender]-coded" tends to be negative, usually to highlight poor writing or usage of harmful stereotypes, i.e., male-coded women being arrogant and demeaning to other women or female-coded men being sensitive and the butt of jokes among other men. However, there are instances where it is done and, rather than promote negative gender stereotypes it rather... Emphasises a masculine and feminine natures that resonate with people.

I am not always good with words, but there is [gender]-coded that is basically thinly veiled sexism and there is [gender]-coded that is simply nature. Think along the terms of pre Christian colonialism, where many cultures and religions have masculine energy and feminine energy defined outside of biological gender.

I see SJ as female coded because of how the fandom reacts/reacted to him. We don't got a lot of info on him, canon wise, at least not without heavy (and unreliable) bias. But there is a stark difference to how fandom treats him compared to the other men in the story.

And I don't mean in the sense of "he deserved what he got/he deserved so much better" discourse that surrounds him, but how fandom understands him.

Depending on where you fall, the degree of SJ's childhood trauma could range from demeaning slavery with a historically usual amount of abuse and demands to underage sexual abuse and torture. Regardless, the common thread is that men have control over his autonomy. Men (and nobility) dictate what he does, how he dresses, what he will receive, and how others percieve him. This is something SJ does not escape, even when he becomes a Peak Lord, although the degree has lessened by this time. He fails not just because of his actions, but due to the words and judgement of people who only see him on surface level and, thus, scrutinise his every action as "evidence" to their preconceived judgement.

And boy does fandom run with this!

And it makes sense because, a huge portion of danmei demographics are women... Women who understand all too well the dangers a negative statement can have on their livlihood.

This is why Shen Jiu is female coded, to me. Qui Jianluo, Wu Yanzi, Yue Qingyuan, Luo Binghe, even Shen Yuan, etc etc all, in some way, have taken his autonomy. QJL and WYZ did it with their abuse and power over him, YQY did it by undermining him and placating him (while allowing the bad rumours and his bad behaviours to persist), LBH through his revenge (literally crippled him), Shen Yuan quite literally takes over his body and has no regard for its treatment for most of the story.

In fandom, I think its telling that Qi Qingqi, Mu Qingfan, and Liu Qingge also feature as a prominent antaongist that contribute to Shen Jiu's abysmal reputation. Unfortunately, the three kinds of people women should feel protected by and safe with- other women, doctors, and those who uphold justice- are some of the main contributors to the problems they face. They aren't taken seriously, they're ostracised or put down, they're ignored or labeled as over emotional.

Its also telling that, for most fanfics/discussions/art/etc where Shen Jiu is "redeemed" or given a second chance, the main reason why he suceeds is because others listen to him. They let him have a voice and respect it. He is able to advocate for himself and not be torn down or turned away. And if he is, usually there's a man that stands by his side and acts as the "ally" or "bridge" that gets people taking him seriously.

Or, him being attached to a well-respected man is enough for people to change their opinions. Fandom can't help but reflect real life in their works.

So, with all that being said... I understand that there's going to be people who think this is a "bad take" because I rely so heavily on how the fandom portrays Shen Jiu, and that's fine. There will always be Bible-thumpers in every piece of media we consume, and they're here for good reason. But I consume stories for the feelings they evoke and the influence they have on others. People make connections, that's just what we do, and this is the connection I made.

[urdreamgirls-dreamgirl]

ok I’ve been sucked into The Ultimatum: Queer Love on Netflix and just…

Steve is in a relationship where he clearly wants more than the other person. He and his partner have been together for three years and it’s reached the point where Steve has told him, “marry me or I have to go.” The dude is some kind of wannabe Instagram model, so he jumps at the chance to do reality tv.

Eddie’s on the opposite end of the negotiations. He loves his partner, but he’s not sure he really believes in the institution of marriage.

Both couples decide to try this new reality show.

Steve and Eddie clearly catch each other’s eyes on the first night, the camera catching both of them staring at each other between all the couples introducing themselves. They don’t get much time to speak that first night, but that’s okay. They’ve got plenty of time to say hi during the speed dating round.

Except that once they meet, they don’t want to talk to anyone else. Eddie is practically dragged away by producers so that he’s forced to talk to the others. The camera doesn’t miss the longing looks they send each other, though.

After that second episode, they’re immediately fan favorites. The chemistry between them is palpable even through the screen. Everyone’s just waiting for them to choose each other at the selection dinner.

And of course they do, as both their partners sit next to them rolling their eyes. They go to bed the first night of their trial marriage wrapped around each other, whispering and giggling. The mics can’t exactly pick up what they’re saying, but the cameras catch their smiles and the way their fingers intertwine between them above the comforter.

The audience loves watching the two of them fall in love over the next three weeks of their trial marriage. They’re sweet to each other, clearly thinking about each other’s needs and checking in when things seem hard. They meet each other’s friends. When Eddie meets Steve’s best friend, Robin, it’s like the three of them have known each other for years. When Eddie sneaks off to the bathroom, leaving Steve and Robin alone at the restaurant table, Robin takes the moment alone to give Steve her stamp of approval on Eddie.

After the three weeks are up, they’re supposed to go into a trial marriage with their original partners. The audience doesn’t see this, but Eddie and Steve try to refuse. They know what they want and it’s each other. They’ve made their decisions. But the producers remind them that they’ve signed contracts and they have to see the process through to the end.

They’re both uninterested in their partners. It’s clear that neither original relationship was the right fit now. It’s clear even to their original partners. They’re not even really doing a trial marriage; they’re all just roommates trying to make it through to the end.

When Steve and Eddie are finally reunited at the final selection, to no one’s surprise, they choose each other. There’s no hesitation on either side. They want each other. They’re both sure.

They’re married within the year and their wedding is filmed by Netflix. For the next season of the show, Steve and Eddie host. Ten seasons in, they’re still as in love as ever and, unfortunately for Netflix, the show’s one and only success story.

[pparuparfait]

there’s just something so intense abt being aroace and not knowing how to rant or talk abt it properly bc ur still coming to terms with it and what it’s like for you and what’s tied to it and what isn’t and then seeing riz be the physical manifestation of all the anxieties and concerns ive felt or am currently grappling with bc im aro and knowing i can’t rant abt it to my friends bc of what those struggles stand as and are and how a lot of it isn’t anxiety but just a truth i cant deny or run from so i js get to occasionally live vicariously through him instead once every week

[fisheito]

My favourite fantasy lately is Kuya kidnapping Eiden and bringing him to a house in the woods to punish him for endangering himself during some adventure. Kuya keeps Eiden in bondage and constantly on edge, teasing and denying him. And Eiden just takes it without asking to be let out, allowing Kuya to vent his fear and frustration, because he's nice like that.

But, at some point, even the strongest little soldiers break, and just when Eiden is about to shatter from all the stress and Kuya's oppressive anxiety, Quincy comes for the rescue. He's the only one who managed to find that little wooden shack in the middle of nowhere (you know, because Kuya's allowed him to), and he comes in and persuades Kuya to relent.

Kuya hasn't even given Eiden any dick in all the (three? four?) days they've been at it, so serious he was about the discipline aspect!

Eiden cries when Kuya finally fucks him, and Quincy makes him spill

this just reminds me of Billowing Wildfire Kuya R2 where eiden saID sO HImself

i would not be surprised if kuya went full speed into an evil edging hostage situation because he doesn't know how to process eiden's mortality

[alxandergoth]

to everyone who’s been commenting on my posts recently, i see u! i wish i could like ur comments, i love them so much thank u all for being lovely 🫶🏻🥺

[meekmedea]

probably going to take a step back from Tumblr for a little bit, life is getting a bit hectic

[hanzajesthanza]

god we need to bring crackfic back. or just short and idiotic ideas that wouldn’t happen but would be funny to read

[idiotictammi]

Merry Christmas!!

It’s finally done :D

Never posted anything on this website before lol, but thanks to @starryluminary for letting me join the noco sleepytime collab. (Cause now I have a reason to mwhahaha)

[demontouched]

i really like that fantasy high isn't six* people entering brennan's world. it's seven people working to build and establish a world, and brennan was just the start. he had an idea, he shared it with friends, and said "join me, let's make this something beautiful together."

(*for the people who saw this before the typo fix, i'm sorry 😭 i didn't even realize. i'm very bad at typing.)

[starflungwaddledee]

this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.

edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖