#answer: not as badly as I feared but I DID actually have scenes separated with nested bulletpoints

[cyanferret21]

For the ask game, f g and k?

Ask game! (sorry for taking so long to answer)

F. Share a snippet form one of your favourite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Okay, I think the first moment that comes to mind immediately to me is this dialog from the start of the series, the “What the storm brings” fic:

“That was Yiga. If you see one, have no mercy” He then turned to them in profile, eye burning with hate, and Wars would swear they actually glowed. Storm’s voice dropped down to a growl. “Cause they for sure won’t have any for you.”

I was just starting the series and the plot was just slowly thickening and the image of this scene in my head was too cool to not put it in) Also, the slight implications in this line from Link is my favourite part, especially since I still didn’t post the chapter with his past that explains such reaction)) hehe

G. Do you write your story from start to finish , or do you write the scenes out of order?

You see, if we talk about writing the chapters themselves, I’ve been always writing the scene one by one, not to confuse myself and miss some detail in the process. Only recently did I allow myself to skip some scenes to write them later if I don’t want to in the moment.

With the whole story though, it’s funny really. Mostly, it’s all written in order, right before I post them. I even have a plan for my chapters. Here, take a look(without spoilers)

BUT (and that’s the funny part) , when I started this whole thing back in august, I firstly wrote THE ANGSTIEST PART OF THE SERIES! I still don’t know why I started from it! It explained some things for my version of Wild, true, but STILL! really?! Only when I figure out that it would be wrong to start from this chapter, I wrote the “What the storm brings”, and only after it the opening part - ‘Child of lightning”. After that, I mostly stick to the plan, only from time to time adding additional parts in between)

K. What the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Oh boy…. Well, I have a chapter for the future where Wind and Wild are separated form the rest, and the kid is hurt. Badly hurt! Wild will be caught in a loop of fear of revealing his secret and wanting to protest Wind from the monster that have them surrounded)

And all this time Wind would cry from pain, and that he don’t wanna die and that he wants to go home….

That’s all I’ll say about this chapter)))

Thanks for the ask)

[ursafootprints]

Another idea that popped into my head but that I aaaabsolutely do not have the conviction to turn into an actual fic so I'm just kind of dumping, uh, 3k of some thoughts here:

Starker Pacific Rim AU!

Tony is a retired Jaeger pilot who has lost past copilots to either death or injury; his final mission prior to retiring involved his copilot Rhodey suffering a spinal cord injury that impacted his ability to walk and Tony getting a chest injury that necessitates the placement of an arc reactor like in canon 

 Blah blah handwavey science bullshit, Tony is forced to retire because the arc reactor isn't compatible with the Jaeger technology somehow so he can't pilot any longer (and is kind of Over It from the trauma of outliving multiple copilots regardless)

He gets out of the Jaeger program entirely and starts working on the Kaiju problem from other angles-- other coastal defense systems, funding research into cures for Kaiju Blue toxicity, maybe some less-than-legal research into the Kaiju themselves to see if there's a biological weakness to exploit, but like in PacRim canon it's clear that humanity is losing the war nonetheless

And then Fury comes to recruit him back to Jaeger program, and Tony's like, you know I can't pilot anymore, what are you talking about. And Fury tells him that one of his engineers managed to modify Tony's old Jaeger to be compatible with arc reactor technology.

Tony's like, lol it's cute that you think I'm heading back to PPDC HQ because some gearhead has a theory about Jaeger-arc reactor integration, but no. And Fury's like, this kid built his own arc reactor; we've tested it; it works.

And Tony's still outwardly resistant to going at all (and genuinely ambivalent about ultimately returning to piloting), but Fury knows he's got 'im because of course Tony has to see how someone made that work.

So Tony goes back to the Shatterdome with him, and Fury introduces him to the engineer that cracked it: 23-year-old Peter Parker.

Peter's a little starstruck, and Tony's still skeptical that whatever tests and theoretical models Peter's come up with will adequately account for an arc reactor that's powering a human given that, y'know, Tony has the only one of those in the world. 

 So it starts out pretty awkward, but as Peter gets into explaining his research his nerves fade away and as soon as he's just being himself without that layer of jitters in the way, he and Tony immediately connect on both a scientific and personal level.

Over the course of like, a day of Peter walking Tony through first his research and then his efforts to restore and modify Tony's Jaeger (which Tony keeps a lid on but does get emotional about, since he designed his and Rhodey's Jaeger himself and it was totally wrecked last he saw it), and then finally the actual testing/demonstration of the Jaeger successfully working with Peter's arc reactor model, Tony comes to the conclusions that 1) wow, this kid is a genius, and 2) wow, this kid is perfect.

Fury leaves them alone to their science talk for most of the day, but does show up for the final demo so he can get Tony's thoughts on whether he's willing to return. Tony's like: yeah, but on one condition.

He points to Peter, and says, he's my copilot.

Fury actually is not… not on board, though he's skeptical because Peter's not a cadet, but Peter is like lskjdflsdkjf u-uhhhh no I mean I'm not a pilot I would only hold you back! And Tony's like, c'mon, your insight into what's necessary for Jaeger operations on the part of the pilot is way too good to only be theoretical, I know you've been in the simulator. what's your score.

Peter tries to brush it off but Fury's like, answer the damn question Parker, so he squeaks out his simulator score and it's Good.

Tony fucking grins and is like, okay great, when do we start drift tests? But Peter is still trying to desperately pump the brakes because

He's had a huge fucking crush on Genius Celebrity Hero-Pilot Philanthropist Tony Stark since he was like six years old and if he and Tony drift then Tony's going to know and then there's no way they could pilot together because it would be so fucking awkward and Tony would lose all respect for him and you have to trust your copilot and there would be nothing more humiliating than getting hand-picked by Tony Stark to be his copilot and then being rejected after the first drift compatibility trial--

And Tony sees Peter's anxiety and his enthusiasm immediately drains away because he kind of wakes up to, shit, he just volunteered this kid to be a soldier and of course Peter's not up for that, what was he thinking, and he's already lost so many people so why would he try to drag someone this good into the line of fire like that, he let himself say something so selfish just because he can feel that their drift compatibility is off the charts (but also, also, what's going to ultimately happen to Peter anyway, if the Kaiju can't be stopped--)

And Fury sees that he's like, losing both of them, so he's just like. Okay so we're going to do standard copilot compatibility group trials between Stark and the cadets. Parker you're going to participate in the group trials. Everyone gets to sleep on it, everyone gets a chance to try things out, no one's getting married so chill the fuck out.

Tony and Peter both unhappily agree to that plan, Fury leaves them alone, and Tony's like. "Sorry about that, kid. I shouldn't have volunteered you like that. Back in my day, anyone would have jumped at the chance to be a Jaeger pilot, but…" And he gestures to his arc reactor. "I guess I should have known that these days that shine's pretty well worn off."

And Peter rushes to reassure him that no, he still thinks being a pilot is the bravest thing in the world, and he wants to do whatever he can for the resistance, but-- he just doesn't see how he could possibly be a good fit for Tony Stark, and he's worried that he would only hold Tony back.

Tony's like, "You've got to give yourself more credit, kid. You're the one that made it possible for me to even get back in a Jaeger in the first place." And while Peter's still processing that, totally melting, Tony shrugs and says, "I know you've got better things to do than get yourself killed in one of those things."

But he can't keep himself from adding, "But if you end up sticking out the trials… With both of us in there, I think the Kaiju wouldn't know what hit 'em."

And Peter's absolutely gone for him, so even though he still thinks it's a terrible idea, he tells Tony that he'll see him at the copilot trials the next day, and they part ways.

In the meantime, Tony meets up with Rhodey for dinner, who never left the PPDC and transitioned to a LOCCENT Officer position (Tendo Choi's role in PacRim, ftr) after having to retire from piloting. They've kept in close touch, but mostly through videocalls etc. since it's hard for Rhodey to get off-base and Tony was avoiding visiting.

They catch up, have some drinks, and Rhodey finally asks Tony how he actually feels about getting back in a Jaeger. Tony-- who figures that Rhodey already knows, really; they were in each other's heads on a regular basis for years-- admits that he honestly doesn't know if he can do it, and when he thinks about being put in a position where he might have to outlive or watch a partner be badly injured again…

He shrugs and says "I'd do anything to keep that from happening. No matter what," knowing Rhodey will know what he means.

Rhodey scolds him for it gently, all, hey you know you can't get in there with someone thinking like that or neither of you is going to come back, and Tony says, yeah, I know.

And Rhodey says, you know we can win this, and if we do, there is still gonna be life after the war. there's a reason to come back. before you get in there you need to have a reason to come back. And Tony says, yeah, I know.

And then, the next day, copilot trials!

aka ~sexy sparring day~

Peter's not a cadet, but he has lived in/near different Shatterdomes basically his whole life because his parents were also Jaeger engineers, so even once he was living on-shore with his aunt and uncle he was always running around with aspiring cadets, rough-housing and sparring and trying to keep up, and he does work out in the gym and combat room when he's not on-shift. So while he's not 100% refined the way the actual cadets are…

............I was going to insert some gifs here from Mako and Raleigh’s erotic sparring scene, partic. the part where she has him pinned with his leg to her side and he just flops to the ground, defeated and starry-eyed, but I couldn’t fucking find one that Tumblr would let me upload/credit so we’re just going to have to use our imaginations here,

Tony tries not to push it. He just lets Peter pull him up and claps him on the shoulder and smiles, because he knows Peter felt the connection too; knows that Peter can see he was by far the best match out of all the trials, but he doesn't want to do anything to talk Peter into it if he's genuinely not prepared to pilot.

Meanwhile, with time to sleep on it, Peter is coming around to the idea-- he does want to do whatever he can to protect people, but he's always assumed that the best he could do was built better Jaegers, and the more he gets to know Tony the more and more unlikely it seems that Tony wouldn't be able to gracefully handle the idea of a fan with a crush. (And-- the more he gets to know Tony, the more likely it seems that maybe, through partnering up, they could actually become friends.)

Fury dismisses everyone from the combat room with news that the top candidates will be contacted after he and Tony have time to review the results. Before he leaves, Peter kind of blurts out to Tony to ask if he can see him after he's done talking to Fury, so they can talk about, y'know, piloting, and what that might look like, and--

Tony tells him of course, and everyone leaves the room, and Tony to Fury is like. Okay so obviously the top candidate is Peter but I'm not going to force him to pilot if he doesn't actually want to. But I think he's coming around. And Fury's like, yeah fucking obviously literally anyone could see that, who are your second and third place, and Tony unenthusiastically gives him some other names, and then goes off to find Peter.

They talk! Peter asks him what piloting/drifting is like for real, and Tony tells him. Peter gently pushes back on the idea that Tony's ready to do that with him, given that he's a total stranger, and Tony points out that so is everyone else in the pilot pool and that he and Peter at least already know that they get along, and Tony is already putting a lot of trust in Peter in regards to maintaining/modifying his Jaeger.

As they talk, Peter does finally admit that he is a little afraid that Tony will see something in the drift that will change his opinion about Peter (leaving it vague as a kind of formless anxiety rather than actually implying that there is a Specific Thing he's concerned about, both because duh and because the more he kind of genuinely falls for Tony, the less it is about worrying about romantic rejection and the more it is about a general personal rejection in regards to like, maybe Peter's just not good enough to be Tony's partner/copilot, etc.)

Tony empathizes about how drifting really is a very intimate/vulnerable thing to do, and he understands if that's not something Peter wants to do, and he admits that he also has a lot of his own concerns about being Seen in his entirety after having so long for his professional/media reputation as the Super Cool Effortlessly Funny Genius War Hero to take hold in people's minds.

But, he says. Everyone is always so concerned about people seeing what they think are their bad parts that they don't think about what it means that their partner is getting to see all of them, meaning that their partner knows why they act or think that way and why they have those habits. They understand. And it's kind of impossible to ever hate someone, to not care about someone, that you understand inside and out.

He makes some jokes, too, about how if Peter is concerned about drifting with Tony he can just ask Rhodey, and that would definitely be an object lesson in how it's impossible to hate someone you drift with because Tony's an obnoxious fuck and Rhodey still puts up with him.

But Peter can read the subtext there, that what Tony actually means is "I failed Rhodey and got him hurt and he somehow doesn't hate me anyway," and he absolutely aches that Tony would think of himself like that.

So he tells Tony that he can tell Fury that Peter's in. If Tony still thinks they would be a good team.

And Tony's thrilled, but also terrified, because the more attached he gets to Peter the more afraid he is of Peter getting hurt.

They tell Fury and make it official and are set up for like, pre-drift test briefing which is basically a thing where they talk through the stuff that's most likely to knock them out of the drift, so no one is taken badly by surprise and ideally they can be mentally prepared for it before they go in.

They both talk about losing their parents to Kaiju attacks, and Peter also talks about Uncle Ben. (I refuse to accept MCU killing off Aunt May so NWH can suck my dick.) Tony struggles through describing losing his first copilot (Steve? Yinsen? Incredibly dysfunctional copiloting relationship with Howard? Up to you I'm not actually writing this fic!) and the mission that resulted in his and Rhodey's injuries/retirements.

They bond over their mutual responsibility/guilt/savior complexes, and also just kind of lean into the ridiculousness of this Extreme Emotional Intimacy exercise by adding their own much more fun and low-stakes questions amongst the official and incredibly bummertastic Pre-Drift Interview script. So Tony asks Peter what he would be doing if there wasn't a war, or what he thinks he'll want to pivot to after, and Peter starts off describing career stuff-- working with groups that help people displaced from coastal cities, family reunification projects, turning his engineering experience with Jaegers towards things like prosthetics and neural-control accessibility devices, etc.--

And now Tony's the one that's all starry-eyed but he still cuts in to be like, okay great, that's the story for Peter Parker, Scientist, but like. It's your day off and the breach is closed and no one's had to worry about Kaiju for like, five years. What are you doing.

And, living in this world where the ocean has become something so much more scary over the last several decades, instead of being this source of wonder and exploratory and fun-- Peter says, I'd be at the beach.

And Tony laughs (kind of sadly) and shares some stories of his family's favorite beach spots growing up, and it's kind of a bittersweet-ly hopeful thing as the conversation winds down.

And then it's time for the actual drift test! Tony asks Peter, semi-jokingly if he has any last thoughts/secrets that he wants to share before they go in, and Peter's like, y'know, I think everything left is something that we could talk about in the drift. 

 The test starts! Tony's actually the one most shaken by it/coming the closest to getting knocked out of the drift due to his specifically-drift-related traumas, but he prepped for it and also, from Peter there's just such this sense of comfort and unshakeable faith and empathy and, and something else, what is that actually--

And Peter doesn't recoil or try to fight it as his memories of Tony start to surface in the drift. Watching Tony on TV as a kid, playing Jaeger Pilot with friends as a kid and always pretending that it was Tony's Jaeger he was piloting, growing even more interested and devoted to science as he got older with every news story about Tony's engineering breakthroughs in the Jaeger program as well as his successful missions, having some very private moments with magazines Tony was featured in coughcough, and then getting to actually meet Tony and within a handful of days sinking from a starstruck celebrity crush into something real, growing more and more with every joke and conversation, actively growing more and more with every moment he spends in Tony's head--

And Peter's still embarrassed, yeah. But he trusts Tony, now, and he's able to project his own feelings along their connection of hey, it's okay if you don't feel like this towards me, I've known of you so much longer than you've known me, we don't have to be partners like that to be partners and I still trust you and I can handle it gracefully because what we already have is so good--

And Tony is shocked, yeah, but it's not bad, and recognizing those feelings in Peter and then being able to feel his own feelings around him, feel Peter feeling his feelings, lets him examine them in a different way, that he wasn't really bothering to do before, and:

A new memory in the drift, of Rhodey telling Tony that there is a life still out there after the war; that he needs to have a reason to come back from the next mission. And a responding thought-- not a memory, but a thought, a fantasy-- an imagined picture of Tony and Peter, in civilian clothes, walking hand-in-hand down sandy shores.

CALIBRATION COMPLETE.

 …And then the rest of PacRim happens and they save the world with the power of their connection to each other and live happily ever after the end

Thanks for reading!

[streets-in-paradise]

Best Friends Till the End - Andy Barclay x (fem)Childhood Friend!Reader - Part 4

Masterlist

Word Count 7.5 K

Warnings: Discussion of Chucky induced traumas, massive amount of fluff and romantical tension. 

Summary: Catching up talks go in different directions as you bond with Andy and his sister sharing about your past and trauma. Her friendly approach becomes a new source of comfort for you while you begin to grow closer with your old best friend in ways neither of you would have ever imagined. 

Notes: There is a Halloween analogy structuring part of a scene, it was left open to interpretation if the two universes coexist. Also, I’m %100 sure I will write a part 5. 

Tags: @losersclubisms​

After so many years of being separated,the moment presented itself in the most unreal of contexts. You were finally face to face sharing about your lives and solving each other’s wonders about how you have been going. His sister was also there acting as Andy’s mediator on his tale and you wished yours would have been available to be part of it as yours. Although she wasn’t physically available then, it wasn’t like you weren’t about to call her so she could be warned of the imminent danger. You weren’t sure of how she would take the news about Chucky, but you knew she would ask to have a few words with Andy because his memory had some impact on her childhood despite never getting to meet him. Of course, he wasn’t aware of that because he didn’t know how hard you stuck to the promises made when you were little children. 

“ You start, I can’t wait to hear about you.” You sweetly begged him, insisting on making him a priority on the telling turns. “ Are you aware of how strange-awesome all of this is? When I was a kid you were my greatest hero, now you come back as some monster hunter expert. My infantile dreams have become true somehow, you grew up a hero.” 

There was real adoration in you matching the feeling of your phrasing, sweet admiration that never faded and only remained asleep to be awakened through its own inside process of transformation. By the way you were looking at him, as if he was the most amazing man on the planet, Kyle guessed there was something going on with you. Some aspects of reality matched the image of him you had plenty of years to build alone and you were fascinated. 

Maybe it was too early to speak of that, but you looked like a crushing girl silently swooning over the boy she likes. 

“ I’m just an ordinary man with very bad luck.” Andy humbly corrected you, refusing to see the motive of your surprise. “ More people near me have died than the ones I have actually saved. I told you I won and that’s true, but I didn’t state the price. Chucky took care of destroying everything around me, very few people have survived being in my life and most have left for good.” 

Fearing the sentence would be easily misinterpreted by you as a reproach, he corrected it before you could begin to blame yourself. 

“ I’m glad you did, (y/n). We were too little to understand that was the best.” 

“ I never did. Not spiritually, at least.” You corrected him before you could have burst into tears. “ I never got over it. Look around you, Andy. I dedicated my life to you, to make the sacrifice you made for me be worthy, but I didn't do it only out of guilt. We had a special vincule, our friendship was the very first social experience of my life. If Chucky taught me to fear, you taught me to love. I learned how to platonically love with you, when we were kids you were my world. I have had romantic breakups that didn’t hurt as badly as losing you did.”  

The blatant honesty impacted him, what you were saying was the exact opposite of what his guilt made him imagine. 

“ I’m proud of you simply for making it this far, even if I had to disappear for that. “ He didn’t have the strength to accurately answer you, to talk about his feelings about your separation. “ Raven grew up safe, you two stuck together and you are alright.” 

Kyle knew exactly what he was thinking of when saying that. Barbara and Nica Pierce: one dead and one possessed. That was perhaps one possible fate he imagined for you if he would have reappeared in your life sooner. She held his hand from underneath the table, a subtle sign of comfort trying to get him out of the overthinking. 

“ Ray dragged me into a scouts troop just for the knife training, Chucky would have been the one scared of her if he would have met her as a little girl.” You commented, hoping to tranquilize him within the joke. “ So you know that about us now. He better watch out: we got girl scout training.” 

The cuteness in that silly self mock got him, which left him ready to twist a sad memory into some impressive anecdote to tell you. 

“ I got actual military training.” He commented, carefully evaluating your reaction to see if that would impress you.” As a teen, in a military academy, after I failed the foster system.” 

It did, but the attempt of a self-deprecating joke got a quite intense reaction from you. 

“ Never say that, ever again, did you hear me? NEVER” You corrected him. “Institutions failed you, that’s not on you. I feel someone needs to tell you that because the amount of shit my sister tells me about the system is abysmal. She is away working on her thesis, the last step to get her degree in social work and that’s precisely her topic. Even today, It keeps failing the kids and then blaming them for it.” 

“ A kinder teacher and a social worker starting as girl scouts, you two are the definition of nice.” He teased you to avoid dealing with the effect on your sayings. “ I'm chronologically messy, I got into the academy at sixteen. What do you want to hear first? The story of how Kyle and I met and got our foster home raided by Chucky or how the bastard followed me into the military school? “

“ I know you have always wanted a sibling and I like that you got to be the little one.” You indirectly decided, then smiled at Kyle. “ You have each other despite everything and that’s a wonderful thing. I’m really sorry that he had to screw up everything else.” 

Kyle appreciated your heartfelt comment. 

“ It 's alright, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger i guess.” She answered to then later drop a casual joke before getting into the story. “ Your parents were real assholes with your sister’s name.” 

Naturalization made you think twice before realizing what she meant, but you did laugh once you got the joke. 

The food was getting cold and you were barely touching it, too into the stories you were sharing to realize you weren’t paying attention to anything else. Andy began the tale and the tenderness in your beautiful eyes completely fixated on him was making him melt a bit. It was the best comfort he could get for the grim aspects of what he was sharing with you. 

“ I spent an entire year being passed from place to place like a packaged bomb, nobody wanted to deal with me, untill Phil and Joanne took the risk. Of course, they kept the bomb for too long and it tragically exploded on them.” 

“ What he tries to say is that Chucky came back and killed our foster parents while trying to get him.”  Kyle corrected him.“ You were not a bomb, Andy. You were a seven years old kid, for god’s sake!” 

Your expression showed agreement with her viewpoint and she was encouraged by that. 

“ Sorry, you will always hear him saying stuff like that. Inside of him there is more guilt and regret than man. Maybe you will be able to help me out with that.” 

“ It’s alright, maybe we can start from another angle.” You followed her. “ How is your mom, Andy? I remember her fondly because, you know, your apartment was like my second home.” 

“ It took many years, but she got released.” 

“ THAT’S WONDERFUL! See? After all you did have one piece of good news to tell me.” You happily cheered for him. “ I would love to visit her someday, just gotta make some arrangements and I can go anywhere you take me on my next vacation period.” 

Andy understood by the implications of your words that you weren’t seeing your accidental encounter as an isolated incident. You wanted to stay, to get back in his life, for what he only hoped that the stories he had to tell would help you desist. 

“ So, in this new foster home I was staying there was another Good Guy left by some other kid. “ He reformulated, getting his narration back on track. “ I liked the place and I liked to be with Kyle. I didn’t want to leave but in order to stay our foster parents were demanding that I show normality. I was supposed to prove I left Chucky behind, that I ‘adapted’ because nobody wants a weirdo.” 

“ People think that because we were kids we had to forget easily. One year passes and all our problems get magically solved. The crap I got from the‘ they aren’t in full conscience, they are children! Give them time to repress it and done’ mentality got me where I am. Do you think I became a kinder teacher only to spot Chucky? I want to help children. “ You agreed with him, interrupting him for reassurance. “  I’m so sorry that even in the place you felt the most comfortable you had to stand shit like that.” 

“ It sucks, they have no idea of how it fucks you up even more. The thing is that I picked this doll and began pulling a fake show of how I was best friends with it once more, all just so they would think I was normal by whatever bullshit standards were expected of me. What I didn't know was that the doll was playing pretend too.” 

It took you an instant to show a reaction, shock impeding you to do it quicker. 

“ NO, NO, NO ,NO. Don’t you tell me that?”

“ Chucky destroyed it and took its place.” He confirmed for you. “ That's how he got into the sort of name switching he recently used with Camila.” 

“ My darling, that was so cruel. WHY PLAYING WITH YOU LIKE THAT? Of course you have trust issues, that’s even worse than what he did to you the first time!” 

The overly sweet way in which you addressed him was a new one. 

“ I found him tied to his bed, the doll was on top of him.” Kyle followed, continuing the story so he would get a rest. “ Andy tried to tell us, but we obviously thought it was more bullshit.  I did, at least until Chucky killed Phil and Joanne kicked Andy out. I threw one doll in the trash, but found the other smashed and buried in the yard underneath the swing. I went to check the trash can, but Chucky was gone. He killed Joanne, then attacked me when I discovered the body and held me hostage so I would drive him to Andy.” 

“ That’s exactly what he did to me. ” You interrupted again, disturbingly amazed as if you would have discovered the most incredible bonding point with her. “ Except that I was bait and he didn’t get to kill my mama because he was threatening me with killing her and my then unborn sibling.” 

“ She was four years old at the time and she still dares to say she wasn’t brave.” Andy commented to Kyle, showing evident pride for you both. “ Chucky must have convinced her of that; she would always say that to me.” 

She felt the immediate need of comforting you. 

“ I was a teen and scared to shit anyways, you shouldn’t at all go so hard on yourself.” 

“ To Chucky I will always be the weak bitch, I have feared him from before death. That's probably why he hasn't come back for me. There is no fun without chaze, if the prey is too scared to run, and I was.” 

The reasoning was slightly twisted, but the roots made it somewhat understandable. 

“ You are not a coward, ok? You are not.” Kyle insisted, her kindness reached you in a very special way despite you being almost strangers to each other. “ I have been there, I know how it feels. If there is someone you should believe in, it's me because unlike Andy, I don't know you well enough for you to assume I just want to make you feel better. It’s what I truly think: my little brother and you were tiny badasses, both of you.” 

You smiled as if those words meant the world to you. 

“ I bet you didn’t hide in a closet like I did. “ You mocked yourself for her. “ How did you stop him?” 

“ A car chase, Chucky kidnapped Andy and I drove all the way to the Good Guy factory to save him.”  

“ I wish you could have seen how furious he was when he tried to possess me, but found out it was too late and got stucked.” Andy followed her trace of the tale. “ We made him explode by forcing an air hose into his mouth, that’s how we killed him.” 

You were clapping with your fingertips, eyes wide open, probably impressed by such an end but suspecting it had to be more behind it. 

“ I wanna know more about that, he couldn’t have died in the first take. Do you remember how much it took you, Karen, Detective Norris, his partner and me to strike the asshole down? “ You stopped your friend from considering the story finished. “ Why don’t you tell me about this factory fight like if we were all kids and you two just killed Chucky? Any detail you remember, don’t be afraid to be disgusting and try to imitate his last words for me. I wanna picture him in my mind getting what he deserves.” 

Odd request, but he loved you for it. Andy took a sip of beer, then acceded to get into a prolific telling of his memories about that fight adding the gory details that Kyle wouldn’t recall as well as he did. However, you did begged her to include her contributions or remembered feelings of it because you were very impressed by her referenced actions. A case of reversed identification, you were living your vindictive fantasy through her because you never got to win on Chucky like she did: taking the more active part in an epic battle. 

As soon as the story ended you got up immediately to hug Andy, giving him no chance to correct you in any way. 

“ That was fantastic! “ You praised both while giving an extra of love to him. “ You are my hero, Andy. You will always be.” 

He giggled out of nervousy, a cute dumb smile on his face after as he realized you were the only woman on the planet he could have possibly impressed with a Chucky anecdote. 

“ You haven’t lost your sweetness to Chucky and that’s enough payment for me.” 

“ No, it’s not.” You corrected him in a sweet but snarky tone. “ You deserve every good thing in the world. If I could, I would do anything just to see you happy.” 

There was no doubt that it was an instant crush. You were all over him; if you would have been a cartoon there would be hearts in your pupils everytime you would mention his name. 

“ Mind if I hug you too, Kyle?” You asked the blond woman, back to earth from your infatuation. “ I’m like a Good Guy, I really like hugs and you deserve a strong one.” 

She got up to hug you herself, showing how far behind were her initial doubts on you, to what Andy felt a strange feeling of warmness as a witness of the moment. He loved to see you getting along, the part of him that wanted you to stay was made stronger. 

He later chose to pause his many other stories for you so he could get to hear some of yours. The implicit agreement was advancing according to stages of development, which meant it was your time to tell something about your childhood before he would tell you about his teenage years and Kent. 

“ Nothing was the same since you were gone. We stayed in Chicago, in that same damn apartment, but nothing ever felt the same for me.” Was the strong, introductory phrase of your story. “ Therapists had no real Idea of what was wrong with me because I couldn’t tell the truth, I really couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I was alone in the world, everyone who could understand me was put away. My sister was my only motivation: she became my world when I lost you and I got very concerned about being strong enough to look after her. I forced myself to grow up faster for her: tie my shoelaces, don’t cover my eyes on scary movies, sleep with the lights off like big girls are supposed to. That was the hardest of my bravery exercises to pointlessly prepare for Chucky, the darkness would make me automatically imagine his voice in my mind and he wouldn’t shut up. Asleep I would dream, awake I would imagine him. You were the only thought stopping him, Andy.” 

“ I missed you too, (y/n).” He confessed, moved by your words. “ I carried you with me anywhere I went, have no doubt of that.” 

The comment had you showing a special kind of light to your eyes. 

“ Buckle up your seats, because here is where it gets weird. “ You mischievously warned your small audience. “ My mother has always been a woman very open to the paranormal, but she has her limitations: she would believe in ghosts, but not in a killer doll. Karen’s explanation, OUR explanation, didn’t convince her. While I was spiraling and therapy wasn’t helping as quickly as she thought it would she started to search for her own answers. Our apartment was suddenly full of occultism books and she began to attend parapsychology conferences in order to elaborate an explanation she could believe.” 

“ You told me this was gonna be a ride.” Andy commented, remembering some past casual saids of yours. “ What did she come up with?” 

“ To her it was as if we would have been in a Conjuring prequel and I was little Lorraine Warren discovering her powers. “ You simply explained. “ I was talking with a dead man, I predicted my sister’s sex from the womb; she had enough circunstantial pieces of information to believe I was a psiquic. “ 

The news impacted him, but he tried to dissimulate it. 

“ Still less crazy than a voodoo possessed killer doll. I doubt her theory can get crazier than reality.” 

“ I got your apartment haunted by accident and a violent ghost got connected with both of us. Remember how my father used to scare me as a joke with the Lakeshore Strangler news before he was catched? My mother thought and still thinks that my fear triggered an early awakening of my ‘powers’ and a natural psychic response made me summon the ghost of Charles Lee Ray in your apartment the night Maggie died. I got years of ‘ I know you are scared of what you saw, but you can’t close yourself to your gift’, ‘ You are special, that’s why Chucky chose you. He was a horrible man, but there are plenty of good souls who need your help.’ “ 

Kyle tried to soften the impact with a joke. 

“ What a prideful parent, that lady was desperate to make her girl the star of the scene.” 

“ I didn’t need her pride, I needed to be heard. “ You insisted. “ Mom confused my ptsd induced dreams with Chucky as visions, my craving to see Andy as some psychic connection with him that was distressing me. He was the last person who made me feel safe, of course I was desperate to see him! I had a breakdown in front of the door of his old apartment once: sat there in silence and wouldn’t move, told everyone I was waiting for my friend. After that mom made me quit therapy and searched for a medium to treat me.” 

“ Nadia, right? The woman you told us about.” Andy asked you, disturbed by a suffering he never imagined on your part. “ That’s how you meet her? When your mother irresponsibly refused you therapy?” 

“ She was convinced it was going to help me and, in some way, it did. Not like she thought it would, because I am not a psychic and Nadia knew it. She listened to me when no one else was willing to, she was there for me and that was what I needed. Mom got to her seeking for confirmation, she would have left if she wouldn’t have been told what she wanted to hear so we kept the farse together. “ 

“Wait, you pretended to be a psychic for years just to please your mother? 

“ I grew up between meditation sessions and tarot cards. Nadia became a friend of the family just to keep helping me for real, but we had to pretend she was teaching me to control the power my mom thought I had. I learned divination readings of all kinds, every system out there, and some other cool shit like those symbols you saw. She was the most awesome adult friend; she explained Chucky for me to my sister when she reached the age to start asking questions.” 

“ Really?” Andy questioned you, marveled. “ How did she take it?” 

“ It wasn’t that hard, she was already used to weird shit by then. We got the Chucky talk as soon as we could because I couldn’t wait to start telling her all about how you saved us, as I promised you I would.” 

You were especially interested in letting him know that you fulfilled your saids. 

“ That’s, well, nothing like I have imagined your life would be.” He hesitantly interrupted. “ But wonderful. Someone believed in you, supported you and your sister understands you thanks to her. It’s beautiful, although not normal. I'm happy for you.” 

“ Thank you, it means a lot that you are not looking at me like I was a witch.” You pointed out, expressing an understandable fear. “ Nadia passed away in 1998. She got sick, the cancer was terminal so there was not much that could be done. It hitted me hard, like losing a mother.” 

The mention of that year activated an old alarm on him. 

“ No way, that was the same year Chucky came back for me… Are you sure that’s how she died? Maybe this lady saved your life and you didn’t know it.” 

“ I was the only one in my family who had the guts to enter the room to see her go when the time came, probably because I was exposed to death before.” You clarified for him. “ Natural causes, I’m absolutely sure because I was there.” 

A coincidence, those existed in his life for once. 

“ You know? She would say that stuff like that isn’t random, this sort of date match between your suffering and mine. I can imagine her blaming it on destiny or kindred spirituality, as if even from afar our lives would be meant to tangle. “ You added after reading his guess on his expression of relief. “ Maybe we were meant to meet again, Andy.” 

The softness in which you delivered that conclusion got every fiber of his being weak and he still had to remain strong to tell you about the massacre at Kent. 

Everything about you was a comforting surprise, you were making him feel insanely good and he had no idea on how to deal with that. Part of him, the one he considered most rational, was sure it was too good to be true. He wanted to disappear as as soon as he would be sure you were going to be safe to keep going with your calm life without him.However, what the rest of his conflicted self wanted was to wishfully wonder if it would be alright to ask you out someday or that would be weird to you coming from him. 

With you there was no awkwardness while talking about his life. Everything that would scare any other woman away, you admired him for. It was precisely your reaction to his Chucky stories that convinced him that you were perfect for him. He found you attractive pretty much since the very first moment he saw you at the preschool center, but that initial strike was intensifying at every moment spent with you. 

Thinking of the past bringing you back together, his child self would have exclaimed a strong 'yikes' to the way in which Andy was seeing you as an adult. When you were kids he sometimes used to get the casual teasing adults at that time would do of strong friendships developed between little boys and girls. Everytime someone would call you his girlfriend he used to internally cringe and reject the claims. Ironically, like everything in his life, finding you in adulthood had him begging that you would be completely single for him to take. Knowing that you weren't married was a good start to get hopes, but he still wasn't sure that there wouldn't be any partner that you weren't mentioning yet. 

Insecurities disencouraged him when he made an accidental new finding about you. You were showing him pictures on your phone and he took a brief peek of your photo gallery. Mixed between pics of your cat, selfies, stuff the kinder kids do for you and other cute stuff there were a few ones you quickly scrolled through. He catched a glimpse of those and saw you adopting romantical posings next to a man that was his physical opposite. There were only two possible scenarios in which he interpreted that: the guy was your current boyfriend or an ex. In either case, he himself wasn't your type. Andy was a master in overthinking: on a matter of hours he managed to get a crush on you and assume you would never be interested in him all in one take.

It became the main conversation topic during a stakeout he did with Kyle near the last hotspot of Chucky sighting. He managed to let you out of it explaining that they needed to be sure another Chucky wouldn't go after Camila but you couldn't be seen spying on the family of one of your class' kids. You were no fool and absolutely aware it was an excuse to make you stay away, but allowed it that time despite it frustrated you only because you had context for his attitude. 

Andy tried to dissimulatedly ask his sister for advice, but she could have bursted into laughter hearing his conjectures. Your interest in him was evident, she spotted it easily observing your peculiar approach. It wasn't just the sweet complimenting, you were showing clear signs that he wasn't catching. Hiding underneath all that hero worshiping you were practically throwing yourself at him, so obviously fascinated with the man you were discovering. 

The waiting for them to return felt eternal and the imprevisibility of the moment was killing your nerves. If Andy and Kyle would find a Chucky, they would be facing risk, but there was still the possibility of him being outside your house waiting for his best shot to get you. In the worst case, there could be two Chuckies handling everyone of you at once. They were used, probably felt ready for it, but you would be completely alone and he would find a way to mock your security. The worry for your old friend and his nice sister was more intense than the personal one, but the combination of both was fatal. For so, you ended up going along with some of your learnt strategies to calm the anxiety, starting by calling your sister once more. 

Exactly as you imagined, you two didn’t get much time to talk on the first call of the day because as soon as you told her Andy was with you she begged to speak with him and he gave her the needed instructions to keep precautions. The beautiful smile he had when he got to hear her thanking him for everything he has done for you made you feel a fuzzy, warm feeling close to bliss that you couldn’t explain. You weren’t going to tell her about that, but you wanted to talk your fears away. Raven’s idea of comfort was highlighting the positive elements in the news about your enemy. If the whole doll body was permanently weak, not just the heart, then she was ‘ finally able to perform a colonoscopy on him with his own damn butcher blade’ and so were you. Although quite sadistic and imprecise, it was an encouraging thought. Chucky was, in some forms, weaker than before and the surprise element remained his main advantage. He didn’t have that with you, not completely like in the case of some disgraced fool getting to know him for the first time.

 You had to stay focused, but busy with something that could calm you down nerves wise. Instead of doing some mindless scrolling on the phone before starting to fall asleep, the best was trying various true comforting activities in the wait. By the time the heroes arrived back you were baking cookies and watching your comfort film. 

“ We may have a killer out there, isn’t that enough for you?” Andy teased you as soon as he peeked at the tv screen. “ I thought you were going to relax, but you are just watching Michael Myers do what Chucky could be doing to us for real.” 

The movie playing was Halloween and that choice showed your quite curious definition of comfort. 

“ I use this to cope.”  You calmly informed him. “ This movie has a special place in my heart, the plot is really touching. There are two kids escaping from a killer they call the boogeyman and the prick really wants to kill their babysitter.” 

“ I bet Chucky has never been that tall, not even in his human body.” He mockfully recalled. “ Do you revive that night through this?” 

You had a very simple excuse ready. 

“ It’s cathartic, here the babysitter wins.” 

He sat next to you and your immediate reaction was to cling, hugging his side. 

“ Did you find him?” 

“ I look way too clean to have fought a Chucky, don’t you think?” He mocked himself, attempting comfort. “ Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave until I know it’s safe for you and your class.” 

" I have no rush for that, I'm just worried for you. Are you in a hurry to go? I'm all alone and thought this place could be like our Mystery Gang ClubHouse, the center of operations. There is safety in numbers, If we separate Chucky splits then dolls 1 and 2 kill us one by one. " 

You were trying very hard to justificate yourself while implícitly asking them to stay with you without sounding like you were begging for it. 

Kyle guessed what the fuss was about through what she learned of you in your conversations. You were scared and didn't want Andy to leave you, but you hated to be seen as a coward. 

" That would be a smart move. Thanks, (y/n)" She contributed to your justification without pointing out her observations. " I'm very tired, is there anywhere...?" 

" Take my sister's bedroom, we had a talk about the situation and she felt way better knowing you both are here with me. " 

" I take the couch, if Freddy is fine with that. " Andy followed with a joke. " I don't want to start a territorial fight with your cat." 

" For what I have seen, it's most likely he will abandon me to sleep with you. " You teased back. " Not that I mind. Nadia used to say cats can spot when your energy is low and they are like little rechargeable batteries of positive vibes. " 

" See, Kyle? I am not a cat magnet, I am just depressed. " 

The conversation got interrupted by the ringing of the timer and you had to rush to the kitchen. She followed you out of curiosity about what the hell you were doing at that hour. 

There were many plates with freshly baked cookies getting cold over the counter and you were taking out the last ones from the oven. You must have been on that for hours. 

" Are you baking in the middle of the night?" She wondered out loud. " I guess asking if you are alright is pointless." 

" I had to stay up and focused. My two standard reactions to distress are either insomnia or shutting down my brain and that last one ain't an option tonight. " You excused yourself. " Besides, I want to cheer up my kids with a little something tomorrow." 

In a closer inspection, she noticed you made two kinds of cookies: regular round shaped ones and others shaped like dog treats. 

" Scooby Snacks?" 

" Shhh, those are a surprise for Andy." You clarified in a complicit whisper. " Go ahead, pick one." 

She did so and shared with you more than just her verdict. 

" Great, really good. I'm sure he is going to love it. This is sweet, the kind of sweet he doesn't get often. His first instinct is to take off but, even when he doesn't do it, things don't get like this for him. If you want him to stay, keep giving him more of that. " 

You were slightly disconcerted and didn't hesitate in letting her know. 

" Why are you telling me this?" 

" Andy needs to let more people in and he has never closed the gate to you. "

There was a wide smile on your face when you returned to the living room holding a full Scooby Doo cookie jar. 

" Andy, I have something for you!" You announced yourself with a quasi musical tone. " It's a little reward for your courage, you deserve it. "

He turned back to look at you, then noticed what you were all about.  

" Is that what I think it is?" 

Your mischievous expression worked as confirmation. 

" Aren't you exhausted from being so lovely? " He teased you, blatant honesty coming out from him because of the great surprise. " You have to be the sweetest woman I have ever met. Look at that, those even look like Scooby Snacks!" 

His reaction was better than what you imagined, what forced you to try to dissimulate a bit. 

" I have an entire set of Scooby Doo cookie cutters." 

He tried to pick one cookie from the jar as fast as you approached, but you stopped him and he knew the reason. 

" There is only one ríght way of having Scooby Snacks and I know you know it. " 

Andy was simply astonished with your softness and the particularly sweet way you had to evoke your purest memories. His líps parted, allowing you to delicately feed him the cookie in shared excitement.  

You were staring lovefully at him, your inner child feeling like healing while your adult self couldn't help find him incredibly adorable.

He tried to return the gesture, but your first reaction was refusing.

" I don't deserve one unless you have a scary task in mind for me to do." 

He found you so cute that he was barely able to believe his own feelings. 

" Your scary task, (y/n), will be standing me tonight. " He replicated mocking himself to avoid what he thought would make you uncomfortable. " I'm a light sleeper and even when i am tired i don't fall asleep easily."

" So, not looking for clues in some dark abandoned toy store. " You followed, in tone with the joke. " Those have to be the easiest earned Scooby Snacks ever. " 

" You helped me win the trust of the kids and your classroom activity forced that girl to bring her Chucky. Without you that one would still be out there. " He insisted once more, proving to you the impact of your contribution. " Open up, you earned it. " 

You obeyed, circumstantially convinced by his words. Worries and fears faded almost exactly like when you were kids, but with one big difference. Feeling his eyes following the action, as he felt yours before, brought a kind of tension nonexistent back then. You glanced at each other's lips like you never thought you would. 

Andy finished the rest of the movie with you feeling in disbelief with what was happening. You weren't afraid of seeking intimacy, cuddling on the couch with him and talking about your experiences babysitting as a teenager. To increase his surprise, that closed the circle explaining how Chucky marked the path of your life. You went from hyper responsible eldest sister acting like a mini parent to highly recommended teenager babysitter with girl scout reputation to kindergarten teacher, all of that with the side ingredient of the secret occultist hobby your mother imposed on you.  

The closeness was there, both physically and sentimentally.

" You have warm hands." He heard you whispering in a fully relaxed tone " A chiromant would say that means you are a passionate man. " 

He instinctively retired the hand he had posed over your shoulder as if he would have done something wrong and you chuckled. 

" I am not going to hex you, Andy. My friend wasn't a witch. " You softly teased him, believing he got scared of you. " She was a woman of special sight. All we discussed was rules of the ghost world,exorcisms she performed and divination because that was all she used to work on. Actually, the first nice thing Nadia did for me was describing Charles after seeing him on a vision in her first reading of me. She helped me draw him so I could give my monster a face. A human face, something that could make him stop being the boogeyman with a doll mask. " 

" The masked man." He recalled. " You weren't entirely wrong on that. "

" There was a mystery to solve, just not the one I thought first. I do wish I could have seen his face for real like she did." 

In the TV screen Michael Myers was getting unmasked through the fight with Laurie, irony making you laugh together when it happened. Andy didn't remember that part and you weren't aware it was coming because you were distracted with him. 

" Is that why you want so badly to fight Chucky?" He asked you, quickly connecting dots. " Do you want to be like her?" 

You nodded in affirmation and the innocent expression on your face made him wish he could treasure you forever. 

" What if i tell you that you already are, even if you never got to single handle the bad guy? Daphne never did and she is amazing. " 

You had a quick objection to make. 

" What about the live action?" 

" Forget the live action, I'm talking of classic Daphne. " 

Andy wanted to cheer you up, but he was about to masquerade some very personal impressions of you through it. 

" She is kind, positive, and sometimes helps the gang with common objects she finds in her purse like freaking Mcgiver. I don't need a Buffy Daphne, I have always loved her like she was. She has been the villain's bait a few times, so what? She is sweet and beautiful. Shaggy is ríght there being a stoner dumbass and he has been the gang’s bait for the villians more often than her being taken away."

" Don't talk shit about my true love! " You cheerfully complained. " Shaggy may be a stoner dumbass, but I love him. " 

Andy felt so thankful of the fact that you were paying attention to the movie's ending instead of looking at him, because he was a weak mess. Through that description of Shaggy he was thinking of himself: you grew up into becoming the sweet, beautiful woman and he was the stoner dumbass.

" LOOK, LOOK! You are going to miss the part when the doctor shoots him!!" You were commenting with excitement. " I always get massive throwbacks here." 

He pulled you a bit closer and you were very receptive, holding his free hand. 

" Nice warm hands, indeed. You are either full of passion or anger... or both. " 

He looked at you skeptically. 

" Do you really believe in that? I thought it was bullshit your mom made you learn. " 

" It's a system of symbols like any other, Andy. I can read palms as I would read a text. " You patiently explained. " I don't have the power allowing me to go further, but I can interpret in base of what I know the symbols mean. " 

It awakened some curiosity in him. 

" So, you can't know for sure if Chucky is going to kill me tomorrow. What can you actually learn from my hand?" 

" I can get to know you better." You mischievously commented. " Chiromancy is to me more about discovery of personal traits than divination of the future. " 

He turned it into a challenging proposition. 

" Go ahead, read me. If you guess ríght anything about the mess I am in, you can consider double checking if you actually lack psychic abilities."

You accepted, turning off the tv and indicating him the perfect posture to adopt for his reading. He extended the palm of his ríght hand for you and you began to concentrate in a prolific examination. 

The experience was way more intense than what he imagined on the initial discredit. The proximity, mutual staring involved and the delicate touch of your fingertips all in once was too much for him. Your touch was following the lines of his hand, his knuckles, even the softest trait mattered to you as if you were discovering him as a whole through that. 

" Since I want to know first how much of that warmt is passion and how much is anger, I'm gonna go straight to the source. Venus and line of heart." You were explaining to him, reasons falling in a numbled mind whose only thought was you. "mmhh .. That's a surprise, Andy. Are you a repressed romantic? " 

He didn't know how to react. 

" Excuse me?" 

" Means that there is a shit ton of love inside of you with no clear outlet. " You replicated." Mars shows us some anger, frustration, but that's not the end of it. That warmt you have inside is more than just hate for Chucky. " 

It was starting to get scary, but he didn't want you to stop. 

" What else do you find?" 

" A persistent want for love, romantical love." You continued. " Dating you must be a delight, I bet you are the kind of guy who knows how to treat a girl ríght." 

One second of eye contact while delivering that phrase and he was done, praying that your grip of his hand wouldn't show him melting to you as he was. 

" Tell that to all the women who ran away after a quick google search. " He casually commented, confessing himself through the intimate moment. " It hasn't been easy, I can't be open with anyone and if i would they wouldn't believe me. "

" You know? I may not appear in page number one of the case search, but if you dig deep enough my name shows up too. " You tried to comfort him. " A few failed relationships afterwards, I can assure you I would have prefered to have the Chucky talk on the first couple of dates. It's part of my life: if he can't love me despite that, then he ain't the man for me." 

" Do you really think that or are you just saying it to make me feel better?" 

You chose to elaborate on that because you both needed it. 

" From all the bullshit he said, Chucky was ríght in just one thing: my dad never loved my mom. By the time she realized she wasn't going to divorce because she was afraid of creating more trauma, the real trauma was living among them. The thing is that I'm always afraid of repeating the cycle and, to me, that would be like letting Chucky win." 

" In his twisted way, he has raised us.. Didn't he?" Andy commented, trying to soften the impact. " Never listen to anything he says, he is a specialist on eating brains with crap." 

" I have never felt loved to a level that would make me stop fearing. " You added without thinking. " None of my partners had made me feel that much safe about their feelings. There was love, of course, but not enough for any big steps. Passing the initial dating phase means nothing if you don't feel safe enough to give yourself completely because you fear the other half could not retribute the same amount. It may sound silly and childish, but after what I have seen on my parents..." 

" You want a man that would be willing to give you all of him." He completed your phrase. " Did I guess that ríght? " 

You pressed a kiss on the inner side of his wrist, right at the pulse point, and both of you pretended not to feel it rise.

[buckyownsmylife]

So I Take What I Want - Jake Gyllenhaal smut (ft. Tom Holland)

The one where Jake finally lets Tom watch him fuck you

Warnings: smut, cuckold!tom, mean!jake, voyeurism, overstimulation, possessiveness, cuck humiliation, name-calling, p in v, dacrophylia, light choking

Word count: under 2k

A/N: thank you to my lovely @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog for reading this over to me. As you might already know, this is part of my do it universe, and although it can be read by itself, I highly recommend you go read the other stories first.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The first thing I remembered was feeling a gentle kiss pressed to the back of my hand, gently awakening me as two hands softly cradled my face, brushing the hair away from it.

“How are you feeling, beautiful?” Blinking a few times, I was able to focus on the familiar bearded face that was patiently waiting for my answer, prompting me to try to sit up so I could give him one.

“I’m alright,” I assured him, although every single muscle in my body ached. It was a good king of hurt though, the kind that you had after a great workout session… which I supposed was more or less what had happened.

“Good,” Jake smiled, kissing me unexpectedly, and my eyes widened before I closed them to accept his gesture. Sure, this was still a bit surprising - I associated such an intimate act as something to be shared between two persons with actual feelings for each other, but after everything Jake had done to my body, I couldn’t very well feel shy about him pressing his lips against mine. “Because I need to have you again.”

I gasped when I felt his hands yank my ankles so I was on the edge of the bed, my legs dangling from it. “W-Wait,” I asked as his hands kept me spread open for his gaze. I wanted to cover myself in an effort to hide from precisely that, especially since I could feel his spent threatening to fall from me, drip onto the hardwood floors beneath us. “What about Tom?”

Jake snickered, eyes still fixated on the apex of my thighs, before finally raising them to meet mine. “He’s right there,” he informed me, nodding towards the other side of the room, where there were a couple of lounge chairs by the wall.

Craning my neck to look behind, I found my boyfriend sat in one of them, chewing on his bottom lip nervously as he took in the image of me being slowly spread open by his best friend. I took notice of how his cock strained against his pants and how once Jake was fully in, Tom leaned his whole body towards us, like he wanted to be as close as possible to the action.

Jake climbed onto the bed, adjusting me so I’d be underneath his warm body and started moving. My head swirled with the overwhelming emotions and sensations coursing through my body. While the man on top of me - and inside of me - worshiped every inch of my skin with his tongue and beautiful lips, the man I loved - the man staring at us from a distance - seemed to be stuck between pain and pleasure, desperate to keep watching and pause the scene at the same time.

“Tell him,” Jake panted in my ear, calling out for my attention. I already knew he was a sucker for it, already knew he didn’t like me to focus on anything else than him and the way his cock made me feel as it dragged along my walls.

What I didn’t know, however, was what he wanted me to say. I was fucked out and sensitive, yet still taken to the edge of desire. I couldn’t think, only feel. The only thing I truly wanted at that second was to keep climbing higher and higher until I had met bliss once more, and I knew I’d never get there if Jake stopped moving because he was unsatisfied with my answer.

Thankfully, he seemed to be in a giving mood. His nose rubbed against my throat as he kept pounding me, his words pressed against my skin, “Tell him what you tell me when we’re alone.”

I froze. Not even he would be that cruel, would he? But… maybe Tom would like it? I really couldn’t think. And in the silence that followed, I knew Jake’s mean dominant demeanor would grow to fill it, even before his dark chuckle resonated across the room.

“Don’t be shy,” he mocked, gripping my cheeks and shaking me still somewhat gently (for what I was expecting of him). “Tell him how you beg for my cock like a fucking whore.” And still, I remained silent. Well, that wasn’t accurate at all, actually. Moans and whimpers flowed freely out of my lips, taking over the words Jake longed to hear so badly.

“Fine,” he relented. “Perhaps you need to be closer to your beloved.” I didn’t understand what he meant until his cock left me, making me whine like a wounded beast. His chuckle didn’t sound mocking this time, but the entire situation made it seem like that to me.

“C’mon,” he smacked my ass as I finally made my way out of bed, utterly confused about what he meant until he took me by the arm and dragged me all the way across the room, until I was standing just before my boyfriend. “Let me teach him how to really please you.”

A shiver went down my spine as I realized what was his plan all along. I gasped when I felt his hand pushing down on my lower back, making me fall over the arm of the chair where Tom was resting.

Before I could even adjust myself, Jake resumed his thrusts, even more punishing and quick than before. All the while, my boyfriend was just there, staring at me with wide eyes, almost as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing - even though it was something he himself had told me that he wanted.

A hand covered the one with which I held the chair, and I looked up to meet Tom’s soft brown ones. He smiled - it was a small, tentative smile. A smile that seemed to say, ‘this is a bit too much, but I’m okay. Are you okay?’

How could I tell him that I was beyond that? Would that be crossing a line? All I knew was that Jake’s cock was filling my abused pussy perfectly, hitting that spot deep inside of me, making my eyes roll to the back of my head, and that was all I could focus on.

Until my hands were captured and pulled behind my back, forcing me to separate from Tom once more. Tom looked confused, but I knew what this was. I already knew Jake was possessive, he hadn’t even tried to hide it, but I think until that second, I had allowed myself to believe that at least in front of my actual boyfriend he’d relent.

I was wrong. Instead, Jake sat down on the bed once more, spearing me open with his cock, forcing my legs to stay spread for Tom’s view. It was so fucking deep, much deeper than I was used to. The pleasure and sensitivity from my previous orgasms became too much.

Tears started streaming down my face, and upon seeing that, Tom’s voice resonated in our bedroom. “Jake, stop.” He’d never seen me cry for anything other than sadness and pain, but this was something more.

This was bliss. And Jake knew it, so he let Tom’s pleas go unanswered, his big hands forcing my hips to keep riding him as he mocked. “Oh, tell him, sweetheart. Do you want me to stop?”

But I couldn’t speak. All that left me were loud whines - whines that apparently terrified Tom because he insisted, now looking at me, “please tell him to stop, please.” Jake’s fingers found my clit, making me shudder in his arms.

The moment felt too real, too heavy. I didn’t know what Tom was referring to anymore. Did he want Jake to stop fucking me because he thought I was hurting, or was he the one hurting from seeing me getting fucked by his best friend?

He didn’t say, so all I could do was answer the question Jake had made. I managed to spit out a “N-no,” shocking Tom, his wide eyes making his surprise clear. Behind me, Jake just laughed.

“That’s right, tell him how happy you are. Tell him how needy you are for my cock.” I was so fucking sensitive, but I was relishing in it. I was not used to having such long sex sessions. My nights with Tom were always satisfying, but they were short - and I think that was something he was thinking about too, as he watched me fuck myself on Jake.

“She becomes such a whore when I’m near,” Jake informed my boyfriend. “Well, I guess you’re seeing it now.” Just then, he covered my throat with one of his hands, squeezing a bit, not enough to fully choke me, but enough to make it hard to breathe and have my pussy clamping down on him.

Jake’s P.O.V.

“Oh, fuck,” she cursed, making me grin behind her shoulders. “Oh, Jake…” My eyes were focused on Tom’s, making sure he was taking in the entire scene, the way she was the one who was really controlling it, fucking herself on me while I just held her up. The slip of my name from her lips embarrassed her though, so she move her hands over her eyes, much to my displeasure.

“No, don’t cover your face,” I ordered, taking her wrists and pulling them behind her back. “Let him see you. Let him see how well you take me.” Her pussy clenched around me once more, undeniably showing just how aroused she was at her boyfriend watching her giving herself to another man.

It had me moaning, fingers burying deeper in her supple skin, my hunger for her insatiable. “Yeah, you made a mistake letting me into your girlfriend’s pussy, pal.” I didn’t even look at Tom anymore, eyes too transfixed at the way her ass shook each time her hips met mine. “Now that I know what she feels like, I’m never gonna stop fucking her.”

He knew I meant it. I didn’t have to look at him to feel the fear rolling off of him in waves, egging me on. And it was all the more powerful because now that he had seen what she looked like succumbing to my desire, he would forever be scared that she would give in to me.

He could see the effect I had on her just as well as I could feel it. The juices running down her thighs, the gasps of pleasure, the way her fingers scratched on my arm that held her by the throat.

It was very clear that she liked this. And knowing that only left me more insatiable. “I’m done desiring her from a distance, wishing I was buried in this delicious cunt,” I warned my friend, not knowing if he’d believe me or attribute this entire confession as part of the scene. Either way was good enough for me. “I have her now and I’m never letting her go.”

Raising my gaze to meet his, I made sure he was looking at me as I pronounced my final words. “I’m making your girlfriend my fucking bitch. My cum is all she’ll ever know.”

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~sixth chapter rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Two months later, you sat outside The Daily Bugle and impatiently bounced your leg. While waiting to see if your boss liked your first draft of the Cleatus Kassidy article, you reflected on your past two months in New York.

It was now June. You and Venom had fallen into a routine. You’d work on the Cletus article by day and go patrolling at night. Of course, being Venom wasn’t a nightly occurrence. You’d only go out eating once or twice a week. Still, you managed to have 11 run ins with Spider-Man.

You and Peter had become significantly closer in that past two months as well. You’d help him with his homework, though you secretly thought he was smarter than you, and he helped me with your story. Some nights, he’d visit you on your fire escape and watch the sun go down. You had no idea how he got there, but you didn’t care.

You’d send him science puns while he was at school and he’d bring you food and keep you company when You had writers block. Your favorite was the long talks on the roof. You would sit there for hours and tell each other everything. You knew all his secrets and he knew yours.

Well, not all.

But the best part of all was that every now and then, you’d catch the other staring. Then, the other would stare back until someone, usually Peter, started to lean in. Every time you thought you were finally going to take the next step, something would interrupt you. Whether it was May knocking or Ned barging in or Peters phone ringing. That was another thing about Peter. His damn phone was always ringing and then he’d have to dash off somewhere, leaving you with a random excuse or something about an internship. Sometimes, you’d wish he’d just throw his phone aside and kiss you already.

“Great work so far, L/n.” Your boss tore you away from your thoughts. “I knew you’d be right for the job.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jameson.” You stammered as you stood up. “I really appreciate you giving me this job. I was kinda blackballed back in San Francisco.”

“I know.” He shrugged. “But you ask the hard hitting questions that people want to hear. Once this article is out, I want you to write one on Venom.”

“Venom?” You gulped at her name.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You know that scary black monster that’s been fighting Spiderman? I’m thinking an exposé on that menace webhead and his latest enemy, and I think you’d be perfect for the job.”


“I would love to.” You said quickly. “I’ll start researching right away.”

With that, you turned on your heel and left the building before Venom caused a scene.

“Monster?” Venom roared once you got in your car. “Scary?”

“I know.” You whined. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was gonna call you that.”

“His whole job is reading about the most dangerous criminals in New York. If he thinks we’re scary, what’s Peter gonna think?” Venom asked. You laughed in dismissal until you thought about what he said.

What would Peter think? What if you told Peter who you really were and he ran away? He was sweet and understanding, but how understanding could he possibly be when you tell him you can turn into a flesh eating monster?

That’s when you realized you were scared. You were scared of letting Peter in and him letting himself right out. You were scared of repeating the mistakes you made with Andy. No, not scared.

Petrified.

What if Peter didn’t like what he saw? What if he realized you were too messy to be with? Or had too much baggage? Peter deserved a nice girl. One with a normal family and friends. One without depression. One without a flesh eating symbiote attached to their immune system.

“What’s wrong baby?” Venom asked with concern. She cuddled around your neck and nuzzled into your cheek.

“I can never be with Peter.” You whispered, mostly to yourself. Hot tears of frustration filled your eyes so you looked up to keep them from falling. Admitting it felt like a fatal blow to the stomach. Venom tied your hair up with one of her arms and wiped the tears from your face.

“Why do you say that?”

You thought about it for a moment before answering. You didn’t want to tell Venom that you were feeling insecure. She freaked out on you whenever you said something negative about yourself. You didn’t wanna another 100 slide PowerPoint titled “why Y/N L/N is the baddest bitch in the galaxy”. Especially since forty of those slides were just pictures of your butt. You appreciated Venom wanting to help but you were feeling the kind of insecure that a pep talk couldn’t fix. You needed to figure it out on your own. So instead, you told her a different fear you had.

“Because. Look at us. We’re the only thing keeping each other alive.” You reasoned. “What if we get separated and die? I can’t become one of those people in Peters life who loved him and then left him. His mom, his dad, his Uncle Ben. I don’t want to die and leave Peter behind. He’s been through enough. He’d be so much better off without me.”

“We’re not gonna die. You protect me and I protect you. Nothing will hurt us as long as we have each other.” Venom assured you.

“I can’t protect you like you protect me.” You said softly. “I’m just a human. What if something happens to me and you die because of it?”

“Nothing will happen to you, Y/N. I promise. I won’t let it.” Venom swore. You looked at her and gave her a sad smile.

“I won’t let anything happen to you either.” You said, but you didn’t promise it. You knew you couldn’t promise it.

“And you can be with Peter.” Venom insisted. “On Klyntar, we mate for life. And we think you’ve found your mate in Peter.”

“What does that mean?” You wondered.

“It means we’ve become attached to him and will never be happy with anyone else.” Venom said. You let out a shaky breath as that wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You needed a reason to shut your feelings for Peter down.

“Like soulmates?” You asked.

“Exactly like soulmates.” Venom answered.

“Well what happens on Klyntar if someone is your soulmate but you’re not theirs?”

“Then we go into a cave and mourn until we die alone of heartbreak.” Venom said simply.

“That sounds about right.” You laughed sadly as you took a second to think.

“I’m gonna call that guy back.” You said suddenly.

“What guy?” She asked.

“They guy who asked me out at the coffee shop this morning.” You reminded her.

“The one with the stupid hair? Why would you call him?” Venom asked angrily.

“What was wrong with his hair?” You laughed.

“It was blonde. We like brunette.” Venom said with a devilish grin.

“His hair was fine.” You rolled your eyes. “And I’m gonna call him to say yes to the date.”

“Why would we do that when we like Peter?” Venom whined.

“Because if Peter doesn’t like us, I don’t want to die of heartbreak alone in a cave.” You admitted.

“He does love you.” Venom protested.

“We don’t know that.” You shook your head. “It’s just one date. I need to get back out there anyway. I haven’t gone on a date Andy and I broke up.”

“Fine.” Venom grumbled. “But this is a terrible idea and I’m going to complain the whole time and sing the Les Mis soundtrack in your head.” This was one of those moments where she felt more like your toddler than your symbiote.

You gave the guy a call before driving back to your apartment. As fate would have it, you ran into Peter in the hallway on your way to your room.

“Hey Y/n!” Peter greeted you. “You want to come over later and help me with spanish? I’ll amo you mucho.”

You wanted so badly to say yes but you had to stick to the plan to squash your feelings for Peter.

“Aw, I’m sorry Pete. I wish I could but I have a date tonight.” You frowned, instantly regretting it when you saw the look on his face.

Peter’s heart sank to the floor as he emotions went from feeling devastated to feeling white hot anger in a matter of seconds

“A date?” He sputtered. “With who?”

“Some boy I met at the coffee shop.” You said weakly, knowing you were hurting him.

“Oh.” He said dully. 

“Some boy.” He thought angrily. “Some freaking dirty ass sissy coffee boy asked my girl out.”

Peter felt like hunting the man down and smacking the shit out of him. Or at the very least, webbing him to a wall leaving him there until he missed the date.

“What’s his name?” Peter asked suddenly, wanting to put a name to his new mortal enemy.

“Matt.” You nodded slowly.

“Freaking Matt.” Peter thought. “Freaking dirty ass bitch ass Matt. Was Matt Spider-Man? No. Could Matt treat you as well as I could? Probably. But did he like you as much? No. Did he have inside jokes with you? No. Could he make you laugh your beautiful laugh just by doing a Captain America impression? No. He wasn’t good enough for you. He couldn’t do the things I could do. He was trash. He was a trashy dirty ass rat boy.”

“Interesting.” Peter said, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“I’ll text you when it’s over and maybe I can help you then.” You offered. That sound okay, guapo?”

Peter nodded sadly, not even acknowledging that you called him handsome. Actually, he probably had no idea that you did. He was smart, but only in English.

“That’s fine.” He nodded glumly. “I’ll see you later.”

You watched Peter trudge into his apartment and felt a pain in your heart. He seemed so upset all the sudden. It couldn’t be from your date, could it? It’s not like you told him you got engaged or something. It was one little date. And it’s not like Peter even made a move. He had no reason to be upset. You brushed it off and went into your apartment to get ready.

Just as Venom predicted, the date went horribly wrong. You drove back to the apartment in silence afterwards, leaving Matt to clean himself off back at the restaurant.

“Why did that happen?” You asked her after a long drive in silence. You were mortified from the events of the night but you needed to know why they happened.

“Because he wasn’t your soulmate.” Venom said simply.

“We defiled that boy.”

“It happens.” Venom stated.

“It shouldn’t.” You said, shocked at how nonchalantly she was being.

“But it does.”

You rode the rest of the way in silence, shooting Peter a text before asleep on your couch. You woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat and in tears. You didn’t know it, but Peter was listening to your breathing from his apartment. He had picked up the small cries of his name in your sleep with his superhearing and stayed up to see if you were okay.

You weren’t, by the way. You had had a nightmare that shook you deeply and left you shaking. It was about Peter, but not in a good way. In this dream, he laid injured on the ground after a fight. You were separated from Venom and bleeding out near Peter. You couldn’t do anything to save him. You couldn’t scream for help. And worse, you couldn’t protect him. It caused you great agony to not be able to reach him.

Without giving it another thought, you got off your couch and made your way to the door. You needed to see Peter and tell him how you felt.

You didn’t care about your insecurities anymore. You didn’t care about all the things keeping you apart. You only cared about him, and that was enough. He needed to know that and you couldn’t wait another second.

You swung open your front door, only to find Peter Parker outside it in pink Hello Kitty pajama bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. His hand was raised, like he was about to knock.

“Hey.” you breathed. His hair was tousled and sticking up in random places. He looked heavenly.

“Hi.” He said shyly.

“I was just about to go to your door. I had a bad dream.” You told him. You were anxious to skip the semantics and cut right to the chase. 

The chase being, “I love you and I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

“Yeah, I heard. That’s why I’m here.” Peter explained. That’s not what he wanted to say. What he wanted to say was, “I’m always here if you need me. I’d go to the ends of the earth for you. I love you. It’ll be okay.”

Peter looked at you funny for a moment, like he was seeing something beneath the surface.

“She looks so beautiful.” He thought. Makeup free, hair a little messy, and nothing but an oversized sweatshirt to cover you. Peter recognized the sweatshirt as his own, one you had swiped from his laundry basket because you had been freezing while watching Alien in his room. He felt so honored to know that you slept in it. Peter wondered how many times he could fall in love with you in a short span of time. In the past few seconds, he’d fallen about 15 times. Once for every breath you took. And you were breathing quite heavily.

“You heard?” You asked, wondering how he

had possible heard from his apartment.

“My hearing is excellent.” He said quickly. “Are you alright?”

“Please be alright.” He thought. “I’d stop anything that tried to hurt you. I’ll protect you from the storm. Don’t shut me out. Don’t turn me away. Let me love you.”

“Um…” You trailed off and looked behind you at your empty apartment. The darkness looked anything but inviting. You couldn’t go back in there just yet.

“No?” It came out as more of a question.

“No? Do you want to talk about it-“ Peter was cut off when you rushed into his arm and hugged him tightly. He seemed taken aback, seeing as you nearly knocked the wind out of him. But as soon as he found his footing, he wrapped his strong arms around you and held you close. You relaxed in Peters embrace and let out a sigh.

“I had a nightmare.” You croaked. “You died and I couldn’t save you.” 

“I know. It’s okay. You’re awake now. I’m here.” Peter said soothingly. 

“I’ve been here the whole time.” He thought. “I will never abandon you. You are safe in my arms. Nothing can hurt you now. I won’t let it.”

You pulled away a little and looked at his face, seeing how tired it was.

“Would you stay with me?” You asked timidly. You didn’t want him to go. Not now, not ever.

“Always.” Peter answered with a smile. “As if I could ever leave you.”

Your lips lit up in a smile as your eyes fell to his lips. They lingered there for too long, or maybe just long enough. Peter took the hint and slipped his hand behind your neck and began to pull you closer. As your lips were about to touch, your door slammed, causing you to jump out of each other’s embrace.

“Shit balls.” You said immediately, letting out an annoyed sigh.

“What?” Peter asked, giggling a little at your choice of profanity.

“I just locked myself out.” You realized as you jiggled through door handle. Peter laughed louder this time and put a hand on your shoulder.

“Come on. You’re sleeping over.” He said, leading you back to his apartment with his hand on the small of his back.

You entered Peters room for the millionth time, but it felt the first time. Sure, you’d become good friends in the time you’ve lived in the building, but bedrooms were intimate places. The context of you being in Peters bedroom after going to him for comfort changes how you saw the place. After all, bedrooms were windows into the soul. Oh wait, that’s eyes. Still, the room was different. You didn’t feel like you were entering it. You felt like you were returning.

You looked around with a content smile on your face. He still had his academic decathlon posters on his wall, along with a few Avengers posters. Peter was pretty neat, but he was still a teenage boy. Socks and sweaters were strewn across the room. You saw him kicking a pair of boxers under his desk out of the corner of you eye. His room was so cute. It was so…Peter. You noticed a first aid kit on his desk next to his chemistry textbook and wondered what on earth he could be using it for.

“I’ve always liked your room.” You complimented as you touched a decathlon trophy on his dresser.

“Oh thank God.” Peter sighed in relief. “I thought you’d take one look at my nerdy ambiance and run.”

“Star Wars bedsheets?” You asked when you noticed the Death Star poking out under his duvet. You definitely hadn’t seen those before and found them endearing. Peters ears reddened and he fixed his duvet to cover them up.

“Those aren’t mine.” He said quickly.

“Are they Mays? As in May the force be with you?” You played along and he gave you a defeated smile.

“That was the worst thing anyone has ever said. Ever.” Peter joked. You laughed and he gave you a shy smile.

“Fine. They’re my bedsheets. Star Wars is cool, okay?” Peter defended. You took a seat on his bed and shrugged.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Peter. I just didn’t know you were a loser, is all.”You said simply. Peter sat down on the bed next to you and rolled his eyes.

“Very funny. You’re the funniest person I know.” He said sarcastically. You nudged him with your elbow and he and hit you with a Yoda printed pillow.

“Mm. Good with the force you are.” You commented. Peter groaned loudly and told you to shut up.

“Enough playing around. How was your date?” Peter asked as he turned to face you. You could hear the pain in his voice and regretted ever telling him about the date.

“Oh, you know.” You shrugged. “Terrible.”

You weren’t going to let him off the hook that easy. If Peter really did like you and want to be with you, he needed to say it. He couldn’t just grumble and wallow in self pity when you were with another boy. You wanted to test him to see if he’d ever actually admit his feelings, but a part of you was still scared there were no feelings to admit to.

“Really?” He said excitedly. He cleared his throat to cover it up and grunted. “I mean, really?” He asked calmly.

“Yeah it was awful. I definitely won’t be seeing him again.” You sighed sadly, but you weren’t actually sad. You were just putting on a show for Peter. Peter bit the inside of his cheek to stop the smile from emerging.

“That’s terrible.” Peter lied. “What went wrong?”

His acting was equally as bad as your own. He had a shit eating grin on his face, pretending to be sad when he was clearly over the moon.

“It was going fine all night until the kiss.” You sighed dramatically, looking longingly out the window. You might as well have thrown yourself onto the balcony and cried out for Romeo. Peter, however, was buying every second of it.

“You guys kissed?” He asked, his voice heavy with disappointment. He looked miserable. All you wanted to do was throw your arms around his neck and tell him he was the only one for you. Instead, you kept your feelings to yourself and nodded slowly.

“Almost. He leaned in and…” instead of finishing your sentence, you just shrugged. You could tell Peter was on the edge of his seat so you dragged it as long as you could.

“And?” Peter practically begged. You let out another long, dramatic sigh as Peter took a slow sip of his water bottle.

“And I threw up on him.” You said simply. Peter spat out the water in his mouth and burst out laughing, doing his best to cover it up. You gave him a fake angry look but ended up laughing as well.

“What?” Peter laughed.

“He was such a tool.” You whined. “He talked down to me the entire night and then had the audacity to try and kiss me. I don’t know what happened but all the sudden he was leaning in and I was throwing up. He deserved it though. He treated me like was an idiot. I’m almost glad I threw up on him.”

Peters was overjoyed. He was about to say something when we heard a straggled cry of your name.

You and Peter rushed to his peephole and saw a familiar blonde haired boy standing in the hallway.

There he was, Matt, outside your apartment door with his phone on full volume playing “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing.

“What the actual hell?” You wondered out loud. “I better get rid of him.”

“Y/nnnnnn. I’m sorry I was a jerk.” Matt slurred. “Please talk to me. I told the doorman we were cousins. Then I told the elevator guy that I was your husband. You may need to move now. Y/nnnn.”

“You definitely can’t go out there.” Peter shook his head. “He could have a knife.”

“Or worse.” You whispered, making Peter looked at you fearfully. “He could have the same loser bedsheets you do.”

Peter scrunched his nose at you and picked up you swiftly to threw you onto the couch.

“Since when are you so strong?” You laughed in shock. Peter shrugged and held out a hand.

“Let’s go to bed.” He said. You raised an eyebrow and he quickly added, “In a non-sexual, platonic way.”

He was always so cautious of offending you or making you uncomfortable. You appreciated how much of a gentleman he was and knew Aunt May had implemented those qualities in him.

“You can take the bed.” He offered. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Let me know if you need anything.”

You nodded and climbed into his bed, patting the the space next to you.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You told him. “Get in.”

Peter looked at you with wide eyes, looking very unsure of himself as he toyed with the hem of his shirt.

He was torn. He wanted to get into the bed, but he also knew you were vulnerable right now and he didn’t want to take advantage of you. He didn’t want to do anything you’d end up regretting in the morning.

“Get in, in a non-sexual, platonic way.” You added. Peter relaxed but stayed standing. You pretended to splash Peter and twirled your hand around the bedsheets as if they were water.

“Come on in Parker. The waters warm.” You said in a low voice.

“I am…repulsed.” Peter deadpanned. In reality, he was dying to get in the bed. He wasn’t gonna try anything, he just wanted to feel you close. He wanted to comfort you and take the pain of the night away. Finally, he got into the bed and pulled the covers up. He shut off his lamp and we fell into comfortable silence.

“Good night, Peter.” You whispered, turning your back to him and cuddling into his pillow.

“Night, Y/n.” He whispered back. You felt his eyes on the back of your neck still. He didn’t want to close them and fall asleep. He wanted to stay in this moment as long as he could.

You soon felt hesitant arms wrap around your waist. Peter was very unsure of himself and kept his hands loosely on your hips, barely touching. You turned your neck around and looked at him quizzically.

“What the hell are you doing?” You demanded. His hands flew off your waist and his eyes widened with fear. He looked so apologetic, you thought he might cry.

“Do you not know how to cuddle?” You asked before he could blurt out an apology. You grabbed his arms and pulled them tightly around your body. You held his hands in your own, flush against your chest. Peter felt really tense at first and a bit stiff, but he soon relaxed and nestled into your hair.

“You smell really good.” He muttered. You laughed softly against his body, prompting Peter to hold you even tighter.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Y/N.” He whispered. He said it so quietly, you figured he thought you had fallen asleep. “Sweet dreams.”

You woke up the next morning in Peter Parker’s arms. Subsequently, you wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of your life in Peter Parker’s arms. You were a mess of tangled limbs and hair but you found yourself firmly in his embrace, inhaling his cologne.

Peters eyes fluttered open suddenly and you were nose to nose.

“Hi.” You said softly, a playful smile resting on your lips. He was so pretty in the morning. He didn’t even have to try.

“Hey.” He chuckled. “This is new.”

“It is new. Is it okay?” You asked him, not wanting to overstep his boundaries.

“Is waking up next to the actual sun okay?” He teased. “Uh yea, Y/n. It’s okay. You can sleep over anytime you like if it means more mornings like this.”

Of course he said that. He held all your strings and knew just how to tug them.

“Did you really not enjoy that date?” He whispered, but in his head thought, “Do you want to be with anyone else?”

You didn’t know why he was whispering, but the look in his eyes told you he was dead serious.

“Not in the slightest.” You answered honestly. What you wanted to say was, “Because it wasn’t with you.”, but you didn’t.

“Would you…would you want to go out with me sometime?” He asked shyly. “I promise I won’t throw up on you.”

He said the second part as if it was the only way you’d say yes to the date, which made you laugh.

“Peter Parker, I have waited exactly 64 days for you to ask me that question and you just had to ruin it by promising you won’t throw up on me?” You playfully scolded as Peters eyes lit up.

“Is that a yes?” He asked excitedly.

“It’s a yes.” You nodded, holding his nearest hand. “It’s always been a yes.”

“Can I-“ He began.

“Don’t ask.” You whispered. “Just do it.”

Peter leaned in slowly and you did the same. His lips had just ghosted yours when Aunt May knocked on the door. He bolted out of bed as you sat up.

“Breakfast is ready. Did you clean your room?” Aunt May called from the other side of the door.

“Yes.” Peter called back. You looked around. No he didn’t

“No you didn’t.” She said knowingly. She didn’t even have to see his room to know it wasn’t clean.

“I’ll clean it after.” He groaned.

“I’m coming in.” She said suddenly, making you and Peter look at each other in fear.

“Don’t! I’m naked.” He screamed.

“Fine. But it better be clean after breakfast. And put some clothes on. You should not be naked at 7 am.” Aunt May said. You heard her footsteps walking away and knew it was safe to speak. You got out of Peters bed as he got up to lock the door, his back still to you as he did it.

“Alright.” He sighed. “That should buy us some ti-“

The second he turned around, he was met with your lips on his. You had your hands on the sides of his face and your head tilted to the left. You felt Peters eyes flutter shut as his eyelashes tickled your cheeks. He was frozen at first, but slowly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer. You melted into him and he melted right back into you. The kiss was short and sweet, but absolutely perfect.

When you pulled away, Peter gave you the softest eyes ever. A grateful smile was on his lips.

“I am so over these interrupted moments.” You laughed softly as you shook your head. Peters eyes twinkled in agreement. The sun was coming through the window and made his brown eyes look like pots of honey. You could stare at them forever.

And then he kissed you again, with confidence this time. He wasn’t ready for the last one since you caught him off guard. You let your fingers tangle in the messy curls at the back of his neck, something you thought you’d only get to dream of doing. Peter groaned slightly into your mouth as you tugged on his hair, indicating that he liked it. He put his hand under your neck and slipped his toungue in your mouth. Who knew Peter Parker knew how to kiss? He tasted like morning breath, spearmint chapstick, and something you could only identify as being exclusively Peter. When you pulled apart, he looked up at the sky and sighed.

“If I wake up and this is all a dream I’m going to fight you.” He said menacingly.

“Did you just threaten God?” You laughed.

“For you? Anthing. I’ll fight anyone for your honor. Our Lord and Savior can catch these hands can square up.” He promised.

“You’ve gone to far.” You joked. “We need to break up.”

“Don’t even joke. I’ve waited too long for this.” Peter said as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m only teasing. I’ve waited my whole life for you Parker. I’m never letting you go.” You told him. He burst out in a smile and kissed you swiftly, then promptly got down on one knee.

“Will you please be mine, darling? Officially?” He pleaded softly. There was so much hope in his eyes so you pretended to think about it.

“Sorry.” You shrugged. “I’m pretty busy with Matt.”

Peter stood up and gripped your hips, pulling you closer while you let out a small gasp.

“I never want to hear his name again. He had the privilege of taking my girl on a date and treated her poorly?” He raised an eyebrow. “He’s a deadman if I ever see him around here. Now, I need you to tell me you’re my girlfriend before my heart explodes. Tell me you’re mine. I won’t believe it until you say it. ”

You nodded yes as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

“Peter Parker, I always have, and always will be, yours.”

[soulmate-game]

Useful Part 2

fluff with a little hurt and comfort. If you want answers as to the lack of angst, look through my recent posts for an explanation. 

—* — * — * —* —* 

“Wait, you have a WHAT?” were the first words that the rest of the Gotham-based vigilantes heard when they finally were able to track down where Damian had gone. Dick looked over at Bruce, who was noticeably tense. No surprise there, the man had just found out that he had a second biological child. One who was apparently a superhero already, without his intervention, and also apparently had a tragic background in the League of fucking Assassin Assholes. Not to mention that Damian’s track record with meeting siblings wasn’t great, even if this one wasn’t actually new to him. Nobody had any real fear of Damian relapsing on his no-kill rule, they knew he had matured far too much to be at risk of killing for something as immature as sibling rivalry anymore. 

But there was still fear. Because this new Wayne was an Unknown Factor, and as a rule the Bats hated Unknown Factors. And they had no idea what the relationship between the two had been before they had been separated, or what it would become now. 

“That wasn’t Damian’s voice,” Dick helpfully pointed out the obvious. Bruce only frowned, doing his best (and failing) to hide his anxiety about what they would find. Silently, the group inched forward to the edge of the abandoned building they were on top of so that they could look over at what was happening. What they saw was a girl, presumably the same one who had been in a ladybug onesie and had fearlessly begun to ask them to leave Paris— until she had laid proper eyes on Robin and fled, that was. That girl was sitting down next to an unmasked Damian, who had his arm around her shoulders and let her lean into his side. He even smirked cheerfully at her question before continuing to speak to her. 

“A dragon-bat. I knew you’d love hearing about him, I’ll introduce you when you come visit the Batcave. His name is Goliath,” Damian admitted smugly. Despite the familiar attitude and pride behind his words though, his spying family couldn’t help but notice that he kept periodically rubbing the girl’s (they really needed to find out her name) shoulder in reassurance. None of them missed the tear tracks on both of their faces, or how red the girl’s eyes were. Clearly they had missed something big. 

But nobody wanted to try to figure that out yet. This scene was too precious, too breathtaking for them to interrupt just yet. They had never seen Damian this vulnerable around someone outside of their little circle before, someone from the Time Before Bruce, no less. Most of the time, only Nightwing was able to see this side to Damian. And usually the roles were reversed, with Damian being the one consoled. They had never seen him in the position of the comforter before. The pillar of support. 

It really cemented just how far he had come. 

So they watched silently as the girl flinched, pulling away a bit and hunching in on herself. The laugh she let out was small and overflowing with self-degradation. 

“You make it sound as if the rest of your family actually wants me to visit,” she replied sourly. Damian gently cuffed her over the head, frowning. 

“Two things,” he held up two fingers from his free hand. “One: They will. They accepted me, and I was— well, you remember how I used to be. Once they actually meet you, and process the fact that there’s another Wayne now, they will bombard you with more welcoming than you will know what to do with. Two: It’s Our family, Marinette. Not mine, ours.”

Well, at least they had a name now. But it seems like they had bigger issues now, like Marinette’s clearly damaged sense of self. Jason and Tim traded knowing glances; it wasn’t hard for them to guess where, or how, she might have been damaged enough to think so lowly of herself. 

They watched as Marinette shook her head. 

“I don’t know. It’s one thing to try to… to get to know you again. We used to be close before… everything,” she haltingly argued, voice small and frail and uncertain. But she never once looked away from Damian’s eyes, trying to convey as best as she could what she was feeling. “But they’re different. They don’t have any reason to trust or like me, Dami. And I’m bad at, well everything, but especially,” she waved her hands frantically as if indicating the whole situation they were in. “I mean, listen to me! I can barely articulate right now, and I’m talking to someone I’ve known my whole life! I’m a mess. Nobody wants a mess.” 

It was Damian’s turn to snort, and he pulled her right back into his side. “Please. If anything, that’s exactly the type of child Father goes looking for. We’re all a mess. Especially Father, trust me.” 

“You’re just trying to make me feel better,” she accused suspiciously, but sank into his sideways embrace anyway. Damian chuckled. 

“No, I’m being honest. He’s terrible at emotions, not that I really have much room to talk. We all are pretty bad with them. But he’s the most obvious when it comes to that issue,” Damian smirked over at his sister conspiratorially. “For example. He still tries to tell people that he works alone, and pushes people away because he has this intense desire to protect, but doesn’t know how to say “I don’t want you to get hurt, stop worrying me,” so instead he says “Go away, I don’t need you,” only for us to see through that nonsense and remind him that the amount of people in his team is in the double digits already. He doesn’t want to admit he cares about us and is vulnerable—”

“Sounds familiar,” Marinette teased with a watery grin, startling a short laugh from her twin. He nudged her a little roughly (but not to roughly) and playfully glared at her. Marinette just giggled.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lied with a grin before waving his free hand in dismissal. “Anyway. Another example. He has no idea how to tell a stranger, “hey, I’m your father and I will not reject you. In fact, I’m completely willing to adopt you right this moment and whisk you away to Gotham and relative safety and hire an entire team of therapists to help you and buy you half the world if you asked for it,” so instead he and the rest of our emotionally constipated family just lurks on the edge of a building in broad daylight eavesdropping on us and expects us not to notice.” 

“Wait what,” Marinette’s gaze instantly whipped up towards the sky, taking only half a second to locate the aforementioned eavesdroppers. Everyone except Bruce at least had the courtesy to duck down and pretend not to be there when they noticed she had seen them, leaving Batman standing seemingly alone on the concrete roof. Marinette blinked once. Twice. Then turned to Damian. “I’m gonna blame the fact that I didn’t notice them on emotional turmoil, because there is no way I’ve gotten THAT rusty.” 

Damian smiled, but didn’t laugh. He knew that was a deflection to try and distract from Marinette’s quickly resurging self-consciousness. Her hands were already trembling again, and the fear from only minutes ago had resurfaced. The insecurity. He could practically see the words “I’m not good enough,” written in her irises. 

“You’ll be fine,” he whispered, standing up and pulling her with him. “If anyone has to worry here, it’s me.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Marinette whisper-hissed right back, eyes wide in disbelief and confusion. “You’re— You! Mister Perfect!” 

Damian rolled his eyes, and his self-deprecating smirk matched the laugh Marinette had given just a few minutes earlier. “For the League, maybe,” he shrugged. “Never the Wayne family. Which is why I know you’ll be fine. If they put up with everything I’ve done and still call me one of them, they’ll accept you with barely a second thought.” 

Marinette’s next argument was cut off by the sound of a dozen soft footfalls stirring up dirt not far ahead of them. The BatClan had landed from the rooftop. 

Marinette gulped. 

But if there was one thing— one thing she still remembered from her days as Marie Al-Ghul, it was how to fake pride and confidence. She straightened her shoulders automatically, lifted her chin, and pulled away from Damian’s supporting arm around her shoulder. Damian let her. 

A little bit of old resentment flared up in him as he saw Batman walk up close enough to comfortably talk with them. Resentment that he no longer held onto, but that had haunted him nearly every night of the first two years he spent with his dad. The realization that maybe his twin was the one that was meant to be a Wayne. Marie had the blue eyes, the compassion, the more specifically detective-oriented mind. The calm head. Sometimes. Marie was exactly who he imagined when he thought of a naturally born member of the BatClan. Stubborn, clever, morally just. She had risked immediate death just because she refused to fight him, for crying out loud. Because she didn’t want to hurt the boy who used to be her best friend. The only ally she had ever had, growing up. 

Meanwhile, he still had issues reigning in his anger sometimes. He had too much blood on his hands, he was more of a battlefield tactician than a long-term strategist. Still stubborn, but also completely unaware of the pain he brought others with his words or actions a lot of the time. He used to be such a rage fueled little demon, and thinking about how his sister fit the classic Wayne outline more thoroughly than he did had made him destroy more than a few practice dummies in frustration. 

But now, looking at Marinette trying so hard to appear strong and proud when he knew she was still so shattered inside, relief overpowered the old and dull resentment. This was what she needed, he could sense that easily. She, just like him all those years ago, needed Bruce and the others to start to heal her and reforge what the League had badly molded. 

“... Marinette, I suppose?” Damian nearly facepalmed at his father’s awkward attempt at a conversation starter. Marinette herself was clearly too keyed up and overthinking things to even register any amusement at the lame attempt, merely nodding with an overly serious expression on her face. 

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Monsieur Wayne. Or that’s my name nowadays, that is,” She stumbled a little in her response before clenching her fists and forcing herself to continue as calmly as she could muster up. “My birth name was Marie Al-Ghul.” 

Bruce’s eyebrows visibly furrowed underneath his cowl. “Was?” 

“I…” Marinette finally looked away, shame creeping back onto her face. “I was explicitly told that I was stripped of the Al-Ghul name and would be killed if I ever dared lay claim to it again. So I not-so-legally changed it. And I was later adopted.” 

Several sharp gasps or the hiss of breath through teeth bit through the quiet breeze. Nobody was necessarily surprised, Marinette could see it when she looked through her eyelashes and examined the winces and sympathy on the faces of the vigilantes before her. Batman’s shoulders were stiff, as if someone had paralyzed only his shoulder blades. 

“And the people who adopted you?” Batman pursued. Marinette couldn’t read his tone very well, but it sounded vaguely angry so she quickly raised her hands in a placating gesture and her eyes widened significantly. 

“They’ve been amazing! They don’t know anything about my past, or who raised me, but they are endlessly patient with me. I mean, honestly! Sabine caught me when I was trying to steal one of her gold bracelets in Hong Kong— and I know I’ve never been as good of a combatant as Dami, but I’ve always been better at sleight of hand and stealth so honestly that’s impressive— and she saw my dirty eight-year-old face and for some reason decided, ‘yeah I want this one as my daughter’ and roped Tom right into it and next thing I know they somehow tailed me to my hideout? I still don’t know how the hell they managed that, but Tom had a huge plate of steaming buns and I was so hungry and suddenly it’s two years later and I’m adopted and we’re on a plane to Paris—” Marinette threw up her hands. “I still don’t fully grasp what happened sometimes.” 

She belatedly seemed to realize that she had just gone on an entire breathless rant at the speed of sound, and slapped her hands over her mouth before lunging into a deep bow. “I apologize! I spoke horridly out of turn!” 

To her surprise though, she was met with a soft laugh instead of a scolding. She jerked in surprise, whipping her head up only to see Batman holding a hand over his chin to hide his large grin. It only took another second for the boys behind him to laugh a lot LESS softly. Nightwing strolled over casually and swung an arm around both her and Damian’s shoulders, playfully nudging her brother with his knee. 

“I think she fits right in, don’t you little D?” 

“Of course,” Damian scoffed, though his eyes were playful. “She is a Wayne by blood. She ‘fits in’ more than you strays.” 

“Dami!” Marinette whipped back to him and puffed out her cheeks. “That was uncalled for!” she barked. Damian held his hands up in surrender. 

“Relax,” he said as soothingly as he could manage. “They know I’m joking,” he dropped his hands and a knowing smirk took over his face. “And besides, now you’re relaxed so my plan worked,” Marinette could only blink at that. She… did feel more relaxed, actually. “Also. I told you you’d be accepted easily. They already consider you one of us.” 

“Wha— there’s no way—” she frantically looked at each of the older men around her, but each of them just shot her a smile or grin and a short nod. Her shoulders and jaw both fell, and it broke a little of everyone’s heart. 

Marinette looked so utterly shocked, bewildered to be accepted as if it was still something profoundly foreign to her. And there was that disbelief in her eyes, that distrust that screamed that she expected some sort of lie here. That told that she thought this would all crumble away at any second. If anyone had any reservations about bringing her into their inner circles, it vanished right that moment. She needed support, or she’d crumble away and they all knew it. 

“How about we start by talking about the situation with Hawkmoth?” Red Robin spoke up, walking forward to stand beside Batman. “I assume that’s a little more in your element?” 

Damian silently vowed to thank Tim later for that. In a silent, completely anonymous way of course. Couldn’t have Tim thinking they were friends or something now, could he? Marinette instantly straightened up and nodded, her confidence returning with a little more sincerity this time. 

“Yeah. Yeah, let me transform again. It’ll be easier to explain.” 

—*—*—*—*—*

It was three weeks later, on Marinette’s third now-weekly visit to the Batcave, when the question finally came up. Jason had asked to spar with Marinette for the first time, having seen her in action as Ladybug and wanting to test the girl when she didn’t have superpowers to rely on. Damian hadn’t been down in the cave to warn him, and the result was Jason’s gut sinking as Marinette scrambled as far away from him as she could, eyes wide and chest heaving in the beginnings of a panic attack. 

“Shit,” Jason muttered before he quickly knelt down and did his best to talk her down, to calm her until her breathing slowed and her pupils were back to normal. It wasn’t long afterwards that Marinette started hugging herself, refusing to look at him. But he wasn’t going to just back down, he wanted to solve this issue. If even the mere suggestion of a spar was enough to set her off, he needed to figure out why and fix it. 

So he carefully lowered himself so he was sitting only a foot away from her, resting his arms across his knees casually. 

“Sorry,” he apologized. “Didn’t think it would be a sore subject. That’s on me.” 

Marinette just shrugged, but didn’t answer him. She just buried her face in her arms and took a shaky breath. 

Jason let the silence linger for a while before trying again. “Does this have to do with certain Asshole Assassins?” 

That startled a slightly hysterical bark of laughter from her, and she had to wipe away a few tears when she raised her head and finally turned it in his direction slightly. Not enough for her to be looking at him,  but just a subtle turn to show that she was listening and speaking to him. “Yeah.” 

“You know, you never told us why you got disowned,” Jason tried to make his words as casual as possible, but wasn’t surprised when Marinette still stiffened and took a sharp breath. He didn’t push. The stage was set, and he’d wait until either she took the opportunity to open up or told him to leave well enough alone. Her tongue flicked out to wet her lips, and her foot tapped on the ground a bit. Clear signs of her anxiety around the subject, and Jason’s hopes vanished a little. He would probably have to wait longer for her to be ready to share.

But, to his pleasant surprise, he was wrong. She took another few minutes to gather her thoughts, but she did eventually open up to him. 

“I refused to fight Damian,” she admitted. “It was… We were seven. It wasn’t supposed to be a fight to the death, but it was a very important spar. We were using live weaponry, and we were told to fight until we couldn’t anymore. Whoever fell first would be relegated as a mere soldier, and have to fight for status like any other assassin in the League. The winner would officially be named as G— as Ra’s Heir. I didn’t want to fight, because I knew Damian would win but I also knew that it wouldn’t be as easy as Ra’s probably expected if I gave it my all like he wanted. I knew both Damian and I would be heavily injured if I did as he asked, and it wouldn’t be worth it. If I misjudged anything, any single hit, I could have accidentally injured Damian permanently and ruined his worth in Ra’s eyes, and that wasn’t an option. I didn’t care that throwing the fight was as good as giving up my life, because at least I could be sure that Damian kept his. I could make sure that he was treated well, or as well as anyone could hope for in the League anyway. I could, with only a few words, make sure he became indispensable. Ra’s and Talia never liked me as much as Damian anyway, I figured… I figured it was nobody’s loss,” She swallowed heavily, clenching her eyes shut. “I was always just the spare. The extra. Damian was their crown prince, the one with actual value. Even to me. I saw him, and I saw everything I wanted to be. I… I tossed down my weapons and let him stab me, because I figured I owed it to him for being such a failure in comparison to him. That I owed it to him to do everything I could to make things easier for him, since I was just an unnecessary obstacle—” strong arms wrapped around her, and she turned to sob into Jason’s chest as he just silently held her. 

“Idiot,” Damian whispered, making Marinette jump. Her twin sat only a few feet away, though only Jason would have known when exactly he had gotten there with them. He shook his head at her. “I never would have gotten as far as I did without you,” he whispered, looking up at the cave ceiling. “You were the only real rival I had. When you left, everything was either too easy or nearly impossible, nothing was the same as trying my best against someone who was just as good as me. And when I got here and met the others, I didn’t think any of them were worthy of taking your position, you know,” he scoffed a bit as he got lost in his memories. “That’s why I hated Tim for so long, I think. He reminded me of you so much that I wanted nothing more than to punch him for daring to replace you—”

“Heh, the Replacement twice over, huh?” Jason joked. Damian chuckled with a small eye roll. 

“Plus, he just has a really punchable face,” Damian added, trying to distract from the emotion behind everything he had just admitted. “Part of me thought you were dead. The other part refused to believe that. And seeing Tim and how some of his mannerisms were the same as yours,” Damian shrugged a little. “It stung. Especially that second year, when I started to regret that you never had the chance to come here and join them with me. Meet them with me.” 

Marinette sniffled. “... Who are you and what have you done with Dami? He’s never this sappy.” 

Damian flicked a pebble at her head with a good natured glare, successfully diffusing the serious air a little. Marinette wouldn’t ever be normal, and it would take a while before she was no longer fragile, but she could get there. Especially now that her bridges with her brother had been mended, and and a whole new family had cropped up to help support her. 

She was glad Damian had convinced her to try, again.  

[shihalyfie]

A meta and analysis on Takaishi Takeru

Of all of the Tokyo Chosen Children, Takeru is lucky enough to get significant attention for two full series from beginning to end, and his character also goes through some drastic changes in the process, especially through Adventure and 02. There’s so much going on with him that it makes it hard to give a short answer to the question “what is Takeru like?” because there’s so much you could say about him at so many different times.

Fortunately, that’s what we’re here to talk about today!

Takeru in Adventure

At first glance, Takeru seems to be the “tagalong kid” -- the obligatory “little kid character” you have whenever you have a party in a fantasy story. Generally, these “obligatory kid characters” are the kind constantly struggling to catch up with the older ones. Adventure being a series that loves to play with tropes and expectations, though, very quickly says no to that.

Seki: ...We also mixed up the children’s ages, for a bit of variety. Kakudou: The oldest one would be the most unreliable, and the smartest one would be one of the third youngest. Just a little to throw you off the usual, conventional track. Seki: The youngest one would feel too much like a burden to everyone else, and conversely would actually have himself together.

Takeru “doesn’t want to be a burden” -- meaning his feelings on this issue are actually rather much like Hikari’s. Unlike Hikari, though, Takeru reacts to this compulsion differently -- instead of simply repressing things and pretending the problem doesn’t exist, Takeru’s reaction to his own negative feelings is to “have himself together” and act as if he’s got everything under control.

Or, more accurately, pretend he has it together and has everything under control.

Takeru, for all intents and purposes, was not supposed to be on the camping trip the others were on, not having gone to everyone’s school -- he had to get special permission to go. Takeru’s family is very, very split harshly at this time, with his mother not even able to treat Yamato comfortably. Yamato deals with the familial estrangement badly -- alternating between approaching everyone awkwardly and exploding like an emotional fuse bomb -- but Takeru tries to take it as a sign  that he needs to be “responsible”. A lot of his actions in Adventure are him basically exuding this aura of “I can take care of myself!”, and in fact he works very hard to “assert” himself as if he were yet another peer. We even see him make the complaint directly in Adventure episode 43 -- while he is correct in calling out Yamato for coddling him and him only while recklessly disregarding the others, the fact he specifically complains about Yamato approaching him as someone holding them back if he’s not protected reveals a lot about his own mentality regarding the situation.

One of his first major scenes in episode 2 is him offering his own food for the pile of supplies everyone has, even though it’s just snacks. Which is, probably, a pretty accurate summary of Takeru’s character at this point: on the surface he’s responsible, well-behaved, and capable...but, in fact, he’s still about as immature as an average eight-year-old child would predictably be.

Yamato spends his Adventure character arc pretty openly angsting about his relationship to Takeru and how his family’s split has affected them, but throughout the entirety of Adventure (and, eventually, 02 as well), not only does Takeru rarely if ever touch on it, there are indications that Takeru deliberately tries to dodge the subject or not dwell on it too much. In Adventure episode 12, he actually outright lies to Patamon about his younger childhood memories, claiming he “probably doesn’t remember” anything about it despite the audience very clearly being shown that he very much did, and in episode 26 he comes very close to leaking his actual feelings about the group being separated being tied to what happened to his family, before quickly covering it up and trying to move on with the topic.

In other words, unlike Hikari, who knows exactly what she’s feeling but is compulsively unable to vocalize them, Takeru actively suppresses his negative feelings and tries not to dwell on them too much. Again, this comes from his desire to “not be a burden” on others -- he’s got this situation under control! Everything is fine!

And this has a very, very nasty payoff. While Yamato clearly deals with his emotional issues badly, tending to get very explosive about it, Takeru’s way of coping isn’t actually all that much better in the long run, because Yamato’s frustration and openness about his emotions at least lead him to being very straightforward about his feelings, incredibly self-aware and sometimes even self-conscious, and ultimately able to get at least some degree of catharsis from the situation. Takeru...not so much.

Takeru is a child, no matter how much he tries not to act like one, and it ultimately results in him reacting disastrously whenever something hits him too emotionally hard -- which results in Takeru suddenly becoming irrationally stubborn and even angry. We later see what it takes to actually break through Takeru’s facade of “totally having this together” in Adventure episode 22, which is also the first time he openly breaks down wailing in front of anyone besides Patamon -- and it’s, of course, when PicoDevimon convinces him that Yamato hates him. The interesting part is that this is so blatantly a lie that even Tokomon is able to quickly call bullshit on it, but Takeru, previously having worked so hard to maintain this facade of being responsible, falls for it completely with utter irrationality -- and it really does suggest that Takeru’s fear of losing yet another member of his family, and being a burden to Yamato, runs so deep that it causes that entire facade to shatter in one blow.

Which is where the problem lies: Takeru’s habit of suppression is so bad that once one of his triggers is hit, he completely loses all sense of rationality and blows up, and it becomes nearly impossible to reason with him because he locks down on becoming stubborn. It’s also dangerous because even he isn’t particularly self-aware of what he’s doing when he blows up like this; at least Hikari was very consciously aware of her suppression problem, but Takeru never really seems to have any awareness of the fact that his covering up of his feelings is directly related to some of his worst moments. We see it cause problems between him and Patamon again in Adventure episode 33, when Patamon asks a rather innocuous question about the brothers, and it hits Takeru’s trigger so badly that he snaps at him, resulting in the fight that kicks off the plot of the episode.

Adventure episode 52 is basically a major test for Takeru as to whether he really can hold himself together in a situation where everyone else older than him is gone, and “having himself together” is something he has to actually do instead of just have the surface facade of. He does, ultimately, pass, and this is why the Crest of Hope glows this episode -- but it’s also made clear that it wasn’t quite as easy for him as he would normally pretend it is. Of course, it also helps that Piemon is genuinely the scariest threat they’d faced during that time, but it also reveals that, yeah, ultimately, Takeru is an eight-year-old child who still has to struggle to put on a brave face so that Hikari doesn’t get impacted by his own fear.

For all it’s worth, although we get a ton of depth into his background and mentality, Takeru does not actually change that much as a character over the course of Adventure. This incident is probably what changes him the most in terms of him gaining a more solid core, and he also learns to accept the inevitability of fighting after his stubborn refusal to engage in it all the way back in Adventure episode 12 -- but for the most part he still does remain a bit naive about the world at large, and, more importantly, his issue with trying to cover up his problems with a confident smile never really gets addressed. At most, he’s willing to admit his grief over being separated from Patamon in Adventure episode 54, but even that is something Takeru tries to bounce back from quickly, much like with the first time he cried with Patamon in Adventure episode 12. But there’s nothing to indicate that his problem with emotional management isn’t going to continue being a problem from here on out if left unchecked.

That problem ends up taking another three more years to get addressed.

Takeru in 02

Takeru is one of the first people we meet in 02 (for reasons that end up revealed in the final episode), and right off the bat we learn that he’s a bit...evasive. He leaves a cryptic line to Daisuke about his goggles without coming even close to what we all know is the full extent of what’s on his mind (that the goggles specifically remind him of someone important to him), and later just...deflects Daisuke throwing accusations at him with a mild dismissal. In fact, even though Takeru pretty clearly understands very quickly what’s going on with Daisuke and how touchy he gets with the Hikari issue, he keeps dodging the question and constantly saying things that are evasive about it and therefore never truly helps his case until episode 17, when the circumstances between why Hikari and Takeru knew each other are finally properly clarified to Daisuke and he stops getting on their case about it on his own.

There were multiple points in time before this -- especially in episode 7, when Daisuke is practically at his worst in regards to approaching Takeru -- when Takeru could have easily said something to at least attempt to get Daisuke to stop bothering him, but Takeru never even asks him to cut it out! He simply continues to handle everything with a “yeah, okay, sure! :)” attitude, which of course confuses Daisuke (who’s rather allergic to people not being straightforward) rather thoroughly, and you wonder if he’s practically enjoying seeing Daisuke’s antics to the point he’s just enabling it further.

As a point of aside trivia, the official 02 website adds the fun detail that apparently he's popular with the girls at school but doesn't show much interest in them himself, and the Animedia audio commentary CD for Armor Evolution to the Unknown had his voice actor even express the opinion that he saw Takeru as someone who wasn’t really the type to think about romance at this age (adding in a separate interview for the 02 DVDs that he felt Takeru was respectful of girls primarily due to having been taught by his single mother to be such). The latter part of course isn’t something that comes from the writing, but given the website trivia I’m inclined to personally agree with it -- and, more importantly, the implication is that Takeru is at least aware of these kinds of things, but actively chooses to not think about it and deal with it when the time comes.

So in other words: That part about how Takeru actively suppresses things that are negative or inconvenient to think about, all for the sake of keeping a smile plastered on his face? Yup, still there.

In fact, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment from 02 episode 17 implies heavily that, even with their parents having developed a more cordial relationship after the events of Adventure, Takeru is now emotionally dealing with the aftermath of his parents’ divorce worse than Yamato is, since Yamato is at least able to speak about it casually and even joke about it openly, whereas Takeru keeps his mouth shut and the framing of the shot heavily implies he’s still extremely sensitive and unable to vocalize his feelings on it. Takeru never brings this up as something eating away at him for the entire series -- but BelialVamdemon uses it against him in episode 49, revealing that, yes, this is a problem that’s still tearing away at him, and yet he’s refusing to be open to anyone about it, even to Yamato himself. (Especially since, again, Yamato seems to be doing a great job trying to move forward; why kill his mood and thus be a “burden” to him?)

Even so, Takeru is very different in 02 partially because his circumstances are completely different. Adventure had him as the youngest in a group of older kids, so in terms of “being a responsible child”, that naturally meant being deferential and polite to everyone due to standards of propriety. 02 is where we learn a lot more about how Takeru interacts with peers his own age and people who are outright younger than him, when he has a bit more leeway to be more assertive.

On top of that, back in Adventure, Takeru was a young child who had a very small “range of periphery” -- as a young child still rather naive about the world, his emotional investment in things primarily pertained to loved ones and the people around him. But now that he’s a bit older, he’s gained a certain degree of strong feelings about “what’s the right thing to do”, and now has very strong opinions on it.

These things ultimately manifest in, unfortunately, Takeru losing his composure much more often than he did in Adventure, and for reasons that pertain to much wider things than just his brother. Still not having recovered from the trauma of losing Patamon back in Adventure episode 13, Takeru starts physically fighting Daisuke in 02 episode 11 because he perceives Daisuke as not doing enough to prevent Patamon from potentially becoming a slave to the Kaiser, and in 02 episode 13 he lashes out at Hikari in frustration about her refusal to do anything about her situation (which he of course ends up deeply regretting later in the episode).

Takeru’s infamous scene of suddenly switching modes on the Kaiser and punching him out in 02 episode 19 is basically the pinnacle of this -- because, yes, the Kaiser really did deserve it, but this really is not a good thing for Takeru either. This is Takeru getting the closest we ever see him to being a genuine sadist, and it’s basically everything to do with his emotional stuntedness coming out at once -- blowing up in anger out of nowhere with a passive-aggressive demeanor, succumbing to the weight of his trauma in the worst way possible, and mixing the ^^ front he puts on with his tendency to blow up angrily at anything that cuts him a little too emotionally close.

And for the first time, we see someone actually acknowledge how bad this is. Iori, one of the most consciously perceptive of the group, witnesses, for himself, the sheer jarringness of Takeru seeming to only really have two modes between “all smiles” and “unreasonably angry”. Sure, Takeru had shown a penchant for getting active as soon as there was something he needed to protect, but the moment it got personal, Takeru suddenly blew up in front of his eyes and almost turned into a completely different person. (Perhaps he’s not that different from Yamato after all...)

This is a very important moment because it sets up the base for what ultimately becomes the Jogress arc between Iori and Takeru. Daisuke ended up reaching out to Ken because Ken was someone who needed someone to accept him and teach him to move forward instead of drowning in the past; Miyako ended up reaching out to Hikari because Hikari knew herself to have a suppression problem but had difficulty doing anything about it, so the extremely in-your-face and aggressive Miyako could go in deep. But with Takeru, since his personality is genuinely volatile, and because Takeru goes out of his way to hide the fact he’s having emotional problems, personalities like Daisuke and Miyako wouldn’t help much because they’re too straightforward for someone like this who’s a bit unpredictable -- whereas Iori, who’s assertive but also methodical and thinks through everything consciously, is eventually much better able to reach out to him.

Once the relevant arc kicks in, in 02 episode 34, Iori continues to observe Takeru, and quietly notes the many “contradictions” in Takeru’s behavior -- since, after all, Takeru starts to sometimes violate what you’d think would be common sense whenever he gets too emotionally compromised. The fact that ostensibly one of the outwardly “nicest” kids in this group suddenly blows up in certain circumstances and basically goes “absolutely nope, needs to be killed!” in the midst of a few moral debates over killing sentient Digimon disturbs him deeply, and really, it’s not even about the killing part (after all, it’s later established in 02 episode 43 and after that Takeru and Hikari have a certain degree of acceptance of the inevitability that the others don’t) as much as Takeru’s being pretty gung-ho about it. Not “I don’t like it, but we have to” like he said earlier, but NOPE, GOTTA DO IT.

Iori refers directly to the duality of Takeru that he doesn’t quite understand multiple times in this episode (including in regards to the incident back in 02 episode 19), and it continues to torment him until the end, when Takeru only gives a very cryptic “clarification” that he doesn’t necessarily hate the darkness per se.

Iori, too intimidated to ask Takeru about it directly, goes to ask Yamato in 02 episode 35, and Yamato finally clarifies the background that we as the audience knew but Iori didn't: the story behind Takeru's trauma regarding the loss of Angemon back in Adventure episode 13. Yamato also makes a conjecture about why Takeru has been acting so ambivalent towards Ken -- you'd think he'd still be under Takeru's scorn after the events of 02 episode 19, but in fact Takeru's judgment of him in episode 25 was simply that he was certain something had changed, yet he couldn't tell what he was thinking (really rich coming from someone who refuses to tell anyone else what he's thinking himself!). Yamato guesses that Takeru is inclined to be a bit more forgiving of Ken due to understanding the feeling of losing a partner -- and the ultimate conclusion here is, basically, that Takeru's behavior is contradictory because he's acting based on what's personal to him, not necessarily via principles that make sense. After all, back in Adventure, it was clearly demonstrated that Takeru isn’t exactly rational when things hit too close to home.

The other important thing that happens this episode is that Takeru learns that Iori is actively trying to reach out to him, when Yamato drops him a line informing him that Iori asked. Despite complaining that Iori could have just asked him directly, after Takeru witnesses the face-off between Iori and BlackWarGreymon and a demonstration that Iori is clearly trying his best to make sense out of this entire mess, Takeru actively reaches out to Iori and says something to comfort him -- “a life is beautiful simply by existing.” It’s still cryptic as hell, but it’s not something he would have said in the midst of his anger in prior episodes.

It would be one thing if it were simply that by itself, but the following episodes further push the idea that Takeru really is starting to change after witnessing all of this. 02 episode 36 has him explicitly acknowledge what Iori’s been doing this whole time in trying to understand him for the sake of their Jogress, and, finally, during their meal later that episode, he says, very openly and honestly, that he thinks they’ll be able to do it now. After two instances of Jogress, these kids are very aware of what that entails -- so this is basically Takeru consciously acknowledging to Iori “yes, I understand that you’re trying to reach out to me, and I accept it and want to understand you.” Because Takeru is such a convoluted sort of person, this “understanding” ended up being something that didn’t span a single magical moment as much as it took several episodes and a diplomatic, conscious affirmation on both ends -- but it’s a fitting way to go for someone who had always indicated some pretty poor conscious awareness of where his feelings were taking him.

This is especially because, in 02 episode 37, his statements to comfort Ken are in pretty significant opposition to the sort of anger he’d displayed in earlier episodes, and are now a more pragmatic view of the issue in light of Iori’s efforts and everything he’d just witnessed with BlackWarGreymon -- and to drive the point home, the episode has, at the very end of it, Takeru making his first true explicit show of goodwill towards Ken after having been a bit touchy with him for so many episodes.

Iori himself, being the youngest of the 02 group, still has a lot to learn, and so Takeru, who had previously been one of the youngest in the Adventure group himself, now has his role inverted to effectively be a guiding mentor to Iori as he finds his own way. Basically, Takeru becomes responsible for the welfare of this young child, and so his way of treating Iori is markedly different from the more detached and playful way he would treat others from here on out. This is especially because, earlier, Yamato had informed him that Iori had taken a very roundabout way to help understand him better, and so Takeru probably understands that he scared the hell out of Iori earlier and needs to do better. While the Takeru of 02 episodes 38-50 still has a way of being playful, and while he still isn’t completely straightforward about his intentions, he is definitely much better about being open with the others, especially Iori, instead of doubling down on his “everything-is-fine” mode.

And perhaps this is what the other meaning of “hope” thus became in this situation -- learning to be forward-facing even in the midst of truly knowing and understanding everything that’s wrong with the situation.

Post-02

Although Takeru’s Spring 2003 track is addressed to no one in particular, meaning that it’s the most likely reason he’s so willing to be open about it, Takeru outright admits he’s having problems with his emotions -- especially those pertaining to Angemon’s death. We do, however, learn that Takeru’s started writing the early, early drafts of what’ll eventually end up becoming the novels he writes as a future career.

This being only a year after the events of 02, Takeru’s position is interesting. His decision to start writing is that he wants to have a record of everything before it’s forgotten -- because these things are very personal to him -- but he’s not emotionally ready for the huge task of finalizing everything in words, to the point he still hasn’t told his mother he’s started writing yet. After all, this is a book we eventually find out takes upwards of twenty years, and so this is the presumable reason why -- being able to get this down in a rational way that’s not emotionally compromising is going to be an upwards battle for him.

Even come Kizuna, there’s still a long way for him to go, because an actual line (in a very fast-paced movie) is dedicated to establishing that he’s still uncomfortable with his novel progress to the point he won’t even let Yamato see it. His official character profile and background details are revealing, too -- although he’s currently taking language classes in university and is even part of a children’s literature club, he still hasn’t actually decided on what to do with his future, meaning that he hasn’t determined that he’s going to be a full-time novelist with these yet. That means that even though he’s clearly still clacking away at his novel (multiple indications in the movie are given as such), his memoirs are still at the level of being so deeply personal, and not something he feels comfortable telling well, just yet.

I’ve pointed out before that despite not appearing directly with them in the movie, Takeru and Hikari have more in common with the others in the 02 group than they do with their Adventure seniors, and this is fully codified in the drama CD when Takeru is content to basically just “do whatever” with the rest of his friends instead of having any particular concerns about his future. And as someone who has a tendency to kind of just let his emotions take him wherever they’re going, this isn’t too surprising. Although he approximates as the closest to level-headed during most of the group’s antics during the CD, he’s still completely guilty of enabling them full-force, after all...

So, with the 02 epilogue, we get the massive meta reveal that the entire series was Takeru’s novels the whole time. This was planned to be the ending for Adventure before recording for the first episode had even started, but was postponed to the end of 02 when the second series was greenlit -- and if you’d followed the Japanese version, there are a ton of meta hints scattered around from day one:

The narrator of the series is Hirata Hiroaki, who played Takeru and Yamato’s father, and is revealed in this episode to voice him as an adult as well;

Episode 12 of Adventure is named “Adventure! Patamon and Me” and is the only episode title in Adventure or 02 to use a first-person pronoun -- and it’s of course a Takeru-centric episode, with the episode title using Takeru’s boku;

02′s first episode kicks off narrated by young Takeru opening the story, with Takeru himself suspiciously omitted from the opening vignettes;

02 episode 18 suddenly has the narration cut in when discussing Takeru’s trauma from Adventure episode 13, with the younger Takeru even filling in part of it himself;

02 episode 49′s “next episode” preview for 50 suddenly also starts using “we”, which also includes Takeru’s boku;

Finally, Takeru starts narrating right after Oikawa’s death, which fades into what’s revealed to be his adult voice.

In the context of Adventure, Takeru was “the youngest child”, so the idea makes sense that “the littlest one” would be the one to grow up and reflect on all of the adventures they had as kids -- and once 02 was added, it practically made sense that Takeru would be the one to recap both adventures, being the one person who was there to completely witness both (it also explains why Takeru and Hikari’s character arcs remain somewhat unresolved by the end of Adventure compared to others, since by this time it was apparent their story would be continued in the second series). So on a meta level, Takeru is, in a certain way, one of the most important characters in both groups.

On a level relevant to his personal character arc, on the other hand, the point here is that Takeru finally managed to put together his book and story in a way that he was comfortable telling the entire world about, to the point of choosing to make his entire career into it. That’s something that requires a lot of coming to terms with what happened, how he feels about it, how others feel about it, and everything about the whole ordeal in general, without compromise or (too much) bias.

And in the end, that’s really a lot!

[thewillowbends]

So I'm rewatching the first season and reading the book, and I've got Thoughts (TM)

And I've got a LOT of thoughts about what exactly Leigh Bardugo was doing here in terms of the moral and ethical statements of the narrative, so I'm putting it under the cut.

Something that's really glaring on the rewatch is just...the complete lack of compassion every character outside Aleksander has for the plight of the Grisha. The army treats treats them with reciprocal dislike, despite the fact that they couldn't even cross the Fold with the Inferni or Squallers. The tsar and tsarita treat them with condescension and disdain, clearly valuing them mainly as a utility that, historically, they've happily turned on when they felt they were growing too powerful. Baghra has just given up on trying to protect other Grisha who aren't immortal like her or Aleksander. Even Alina is guilty of othering them and has to be told off by multiple characters (Ivan, Aleksander, Baghra) to stop treating her power like a yoke instead of a responsibility and opportunity to help others.

We get this big, bad, armor-piercing line from her to Aleksander about how he doesn't care who suffers as long as he wins. Which is true to some extent, but...where is her compassion? Didn't we just spend a hefty portion of the narrative wanting to give her power away to somebody else so she can, what, be with her bestie? Meanwhile, there's, you know, an actual war going on. This isn't small stakes shit she sees going on around her. People are dying. We literally have an entire plot where we see a Grisha kidnapped, enslaved, and then sent to be put to death...who was given to the enemy by her own people!

And then we get that line from her in 1x07, only to have it followed up by her running away at the end of 1x08 for....why? Most people on the ship are dead or those that survived weren't his supporters. The people on the docks were killed, and most of them actually were traitors trying to kill Alina. Aleksander didn't lie about that. So she's running away to take the blame for some nebulous reason that's not really well explained, which is...well, what the fuck happens to the rest of the Grisha? Do we not care about how Aleksander's actions are going to reflect back on them and cause a potential backlash or something? Not to mention, nobody is on the other side to warn them that Aleksander is a threat to begin with. Even if you assumed he was dead, you'd definitely want to assume he likely had supporters back at the palace, too!

From a character writing perspective, I find it stupid that Aleksander doesn't tell her certain things because if he's such a big, bad, clever manipulator, he would absolutely be weaponizing his own pain and experiences to make her stumble in empathy. That's bad character writing to me when you're telling me somebody's an abusive villain but actually isn't using very real and effective abuser tactics. But then you also have Alina who refuses to even point out...Aleksander, I get it! I've talked to other Grisha! I see what you're going through! But this can't be the answer. You have to see this won't end well for you! Like, her own arguments make no sense to me. They're so myopic and self-involved.

One of the big things that bothers me that gets folded into Aleksander's other manipulations is this idea that he primarily associates and values her for her power, in contrast to Mal who primarily sees her for being herself. While I get the intent of that on a narrative level, in the scope of the wider story...it just literally makes no sense for Aleksander to parse those two as separate. Not when the whole reason Grisha are hunted down and killed is because they don't get the privilege of being people outside of their power. Aleksander doesn't get to be General Kirigan without also being the Darkling. Therefore, Alina doesn't get to be Sankta Alina without also being the Sun Summoner. Not a single other character gets to be relevant without being powerful.

Even on a narrative level, it makes no sense. One, it's frankly kind of sexist (when are male protagonists ever expected to be segregated from their power) and two...that's the whole reason we're telling her story! That's why she's the protagonist! She is special. She can't be separated from this unique power destiny has handed her. We don't tell stories about common, boring people; we tell stories about people who incite conflict or change. So even the mere concept to me of basing a character's identity or value around not wanting value is frankly kind of ridiculous.

There's just this strangely insidious underpinning to the story that power is inherently dangerous, even as it acknowledges that people who are NOT in power can very much suffer at the hands of those who do. So where's the moral and ethical reflection about what this means for the rest of us? What does that mean for minorities?

Think of the scene on the boat where Aleksander has Ivan kill off the nobility. The narrative wants you to see this moment as blackly humorous and awful, but stop for a moment and think about what happened there from his perspective. This is a man who spent centuries watching his people get killed and enslaved, and that isn't a false representation or manipulation from him, either. His statement is backed up both by what we see in the flashbacks and by other Grisha. Nobody created a safe haven for him and his people - he did that! He had to claw his way to the top, flatter, kill, and fuck his way through god knows how many noble houses, just to get to this moment where he could build a Little Palace. And it took him four hundred years just to get that! All while Grisha are dying!

And nobody did anything about it. Not the king, not the landholders, not even the peasantry. They were happy taking advantage of the Grisha's powers, of course, when Aleksander helped raise them up into a position of prominence, making them soldiers and enchanters. And even then, they're mocked! The army can't wait to get rid of them!

And then some noblewoman, who has enjoyed the benefits of her wealth and power, some of which were built on the backs of your people, sits there and tells you, the moment you take hold of the power everybody else has been grabbing for centuries, has the audacity to sit there and tell you that the world will hate Grisha and view him as a heretic?? When less than twenty years ago, your people were being killed right and left? When the enemy is still kidnapping and enslaving your people? When your own countrymen view you with fear and intrigue already? The audacity to sit there and frame it as a hypothetical when it's very much an actual reality still going on. Just look at the barely hidden seething rage and contempt on Barnes face when he delivers that quip about "needing to do that speech again." Motherfucker has been waiting YEARS for this moment, this revenge. And really, who can blame him...if you aren't wrapped up in the narrative wanting you to focus on just what he's doing to poor Alina.

The way the Grisha's situation is framed along with how the Darkling's descent into villainy is handled is so just incongruent to me. The pieces don't fit. You're asking me to see this man as completely irredeemable after you just showed me six episodes of Grisha being killed both for being what they are in the hopes of protecting Alina, after you showed me that Aleksander had already TRIED appealing to the protection of the crown by lending it his power, after making us see that lies and manipulation are the only way he and his mother have been able to survive as long as they have in a world that eradicated them. Where is the compassion in the narrative for that?

And okay, fine, you can do an irredeemable villain. You can do a Kilmonger-esque story with the Darkling, but that requires forcing your protagonists to empathize with the villain and change from it. But then I read ahead and...that doesn't happen?? She winds up walking away from it all at the end?? In fact, she even loses her power. And that's supposed to be a HAPPY ending? After we just saw how badly this minority was treated for how many centuries??

You know what it feels like? It feels like Leigh Bardugo read The Hunger Games, tried to replicate a Katniss, and then completely failed to understand the profound situational differences between her protagonist and that one. Katniss is a girl made extraordinary by her circumstances. She's not special herself other than the fact that she did the right thing at the right place at the right time and helped create the tipping point for a revolution that was already in the works before her. Katniss walking away from the world after makes sense because she's burned out after the war, but it also got its use from her. She helped make the revolution work; she showed up for the event while it was happening and did what she could. The situation was out of her control and power for the most part, and she still managed to rise the occasion.

Alina is NOT Katniss. She is inherently special. She is inherently powerful. She has the ability to create change and bring a new perspective that Aleksander has long given up on and which her country desperately needs. We know the world of the Hunger Games will be better because the creators of real change were always working behind the scenes behind Katniss. She was just their propaganda, their symbol. Alina is a symbol, but she is also a very real power. It's not an act of moral celebration for her to walk away from power at the end, namely because there's a whole minority class of people we still have to worry about. Putting a Grisha on the throne is no promise the country won't turn against them eventually, nor does that protect the hundreds of Grisha at the mercy of a superstitious peasantry and countries that will likely continue to invade them.

It's just...I dunno guys. It's frustrating because all the compelling elements are there in the characters and storyline, but it's like the author had a set of characters telling one story and then she had an entirely different plot in mind, and they just clash all over the place for me and become thematically inconsistent. But what really gets me is that she had seven years to think this shit over...and we're looking to get the same story all over again. Usually, it's a great thing to have an author involved in the show. This is a rare situation where I wonder if it hurts the chances of it improving.

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[kitkatopinions]

The sad thing is that Blake's most healthiest option romance wise is someone who gives her space and willing to let her go. Sun fits this description perfectly. But they went with a codependent toxic relationship partially held together by guilt in which one side is clearly submissive and the other too worried and insecure.

Yeah, tbh, the send off to Sun at the start of volume six made me think they would pick up the relationship where it left off eventually for a couple different reasons, but one of them was this reason.

I want to preface this post by saying that A. I don’t really like Bumblebee and I don’t need a reason to dislike it even though I have reason to dislike it, B. I’ve shipped BlackSun from Sun’s first introduction, and C. also I’m coming at this as someone who has been in a co-dependent relationship, so all three of those things means I’m naturally a little biased. I’m not pretending this is all a super objective, impersonal interpretation. This is just me talking honestly about my thoughts towards a ship I don’t like. Bees, I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, Tumblr is being screwy and I’m not trying to rain on anyone else’s posts. I’m using filterables and putting this under a keep reading to try and make it easier for Bumblebee fans to not see this.

I had - when I saw season six’s opening ep - given the show mad props for writing a romance driven relationship where the partners didn’t have to stay together all the time to still care about each other and be secure. It felt like the perfect move to me to get some distance between their characters while firmly establishing that Sun had never done the things he’d done ‘to win the girl,’ and didn’t consider himself ‘letting Blake go.’ Sun not only being willing to spend this time away from Blake, but to not even need it really said, and to have his own stuff he needed to do as well... All of that felt like a healthy, independent relationship. I don’t mean to get personal on main, but I’ve been in a relationship where I felt partially responsible for my partner’s happiness and he tried to do things like keep me from my friends or guilt me into things. I ignored the red flags because our relationship was important to me, but it made me feel pretty unhappy because I was always worried that if I didn’t do the things he wanted, he would get upset and over-react, and put himself down until I built him back up, and if we didn’t spend the majority of our time together, he would start talking about feeling like I didn’t really care that much about him and how lonely he felt. This was really exhausting to me, especially since I’m an introvert.

Sun always seemed like such a good partner for Blake because he was always so self-possessed, so confident in who he was already, independent and happy and accepting of Blake’s independence. Sun was always there for Blake, but he also was the one usually pushing her towards interacting with others too, they were able to go do separate things and even go on completely different missions with confidence and without drama. For a character who had previously been in a destructive, possessive, controlling, abusive relationship, it had seemed like a scene that clearly established Blake and Sun’s relationship as one where Sun wasn’t expecting Blake to stay with him all the time, respected her goals and her independence, and had his own life and his own friends too. I had kind of just assumed that the choice to have Sun leave the group and go to Vacuo was to further their relationship. Upon rewatching the scene later now that I know that the writers were already starting to try to implement Bumbleby, I can see how the show writers might’ve been intending that scene to be an amiable goodbye where Sun confirms to Neptune that they aren’t actually an item with his ‘it was never about that.’ But I just have to shake my head, because I was giving the writers credit for something they didn’t do.

Instead, they were trying to tie off the relationship between Sun and Blake by having him leave, not cementing Blake’s independence and Sun’s encouragement of that (and they tied it off badly imo because Blake freakin’ kissed the boy lol.) And once they had Sun leave, they started setting Blake up with Yang. I want to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with the writers deciding to go with Blake x Yang, and the ship itself was not a totally baseless one. I’m personally disappointed that one of my favorite RWBY ships isn’t going to be endgame, and I personally don’t like the idea of Blake and Yang as a couple. But my problem isn’t really with the ship itself, it’s with how the show writers have chosen to write the ship in execution.

Getting past the queerbaitery nature of Bumblebee as a ship, the choices surrounding Blake and Yang seem faulty on both sides (which I also think is important to remember. I’ve seen loads of people recognizing that Bumblebee as written in the show is destructive to Blake, but I’ve seen much fewer people talk about how it’s not the best for Yang too.)

Let’s start from the fact that Blake is an abuse victim. She was previously in a relationship with Adam and talks about his destructive and violent behavior. Blake has a really hard time trusting people because of how Adam had acted. He was explosive, manipulative, and he got angry at and hurt Blake specifically for leaving him. The last thing Blake would need is a relationship where she feels personally responsible for the stability of another person. The last thing she needs is to be pressured into staying with someone. The last thing she needs is to be expected to be with that person without the option of ever working with others. The last thing she needs is to be in a relationship where she can’t be apart from someone even temporarily without that person getting anxious and insecure or without having to feel guilty and like she did something wrong.

And yet the show has her in a relationship with someone that has abandonment issues. The show has her promise to stay with Yang in a moment of huge trauma, Blake crying out a desperate denial to the accusations of the abusive ex who had made her life hell, after he tried to again separate her from anyone she loved and she was forced to kill someone she had once deeply cared about. It was also a really weird choice of the writers to have the characters respond to a question over if they’d ever thought about working with other partners with dismissive and cold behavior as if the very idea was somehow wrong (especially since Yang spent quite a bit of time pre-volume six working with Weiss and Blake spent so much of her time working with Sun.) And the writers chose to frame Blake and Yang leaving on temporary separate missions in volume eight to result in insecurity and anxiety from Yang and guilt for Blake. On top of that, Yang is a person with a strong temper and aggressive tendencies. Although she seemed to be trying to work through those problems in seasons four and five, Yang backslid and seems just as controlled by her anger and her insecurities as her volume 2 self now, who had lashed out at Blake and angrily pushed her for not listening in ‘burning the candle.’

As for Yang, she lost her mom when she was very young (Ruby was a toddler,) and her dad temporarily shut down after that. She soon found out her biological mom had left her when she was a baby and spent her whole life wondering why while her uncle spent that time flitting in and out of her life and taking on dangerous missions - the same types of missions that had killed the woman who had raised Yang for the first part of her life. Yang has deep seeded fears of being abandoned and losing her loved ones, and she also has a history of trying to take care of and support the people around her even at her own personal expense. While Yang’s more selfless moments in season five - like giving up her dream of getting answers from Raven to follow and protect Ruby even when she clearly wasn’t wholly healed from her trauma - are admirable, what Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone who she feels like she has to protect and save and sacrifice for. What Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone she feels like she can’t rely on to be there for her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who can’t give her stability or struggles to trust her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who won’t call her out when she goes a little too far. And yet the writers chose to put Yang with someone who runs on the regular, the only member of their team who thought Yang might be lying about Mercury, someone who needs time and distance when Yang clearly needs someone who is consistent and present. And then the writers made it so that Yang and Blake spend very little time with anyone else. The writers made it so that they can’t be apart without guilt and anxieties.

And you guys, Blake in seasons 6-8 feels so needy. She’s consistently in need of saving, consistently doesn’t stand for herself, seems like she needs a lot of reassurance in her relationship, she’s consistently waiting for other people to make moves, etc. Even when Blake convinces Yang to divulge top secret information to Robyn, when Ironwood confronts them about it, Blake backs up and leaves Yang to explain their actions. In the early seasons, it feels like Yang cares more about their friendship than Blake does and that she’s putting in more effort, which don’t get me wrong, makes total sense since Blake had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and Yang’s clear anger problems (and her using a laser pointer to try and force Blake to talk to her,) might’ve made Blake hesitant to get close to or open up to Yang. But while it no longer feels like Yang cares more, it still feels like Yang puts in more work. Yang is constantly reassuring, protecting, comforting, and stepping up for Blake, while Blake is so passive and acts so dependent that I personally can’t help but feel like Yang must be exhausted. Yang needs stability and reassurance too, Yang needs a partner she can talk to and rely on to be there. When the writers did write Blake as trying to comfort and take care of Yang, it was way too much and had undertones of ableism. And I know, I know they had this ‘we’re taking care of each other’ moment when they were fighting Adam, but that’s just what we were told for one scene, and not what we’ve actually seen in their relationship.

The worst thing is that it didn’t need to be that way. Bumbleby could’ve been a really good ship that built on their foundation. Blake used to be an independent, brave, strong, active character. Blake stood up for herself to Weiss, told Ozpin to his face that he needed to do more for the Faunus, used to have a great, creative fighting style, used to be this sassy girl who’d banter with Sun and with Yang and when she did start opening up to Yang, it was a great way to start evolving their characters to be a strong relationship. In V3 when Blake admitted that she had doubts about Yang due to her past experiences with Adam, but opened herself up and decided to trust Yang anyway when Yang looked her in the eyes and told her sincerely exactly what had happened... That was so great and it really showed off the dynamic the two of them were starting to adapt. CRWBY might’ve immediately separated the two, but A. Seasons four and most of season five had great set up for them to work through their problems and then continue to grow that great dynamic we started seeing in the first three seasons. And B. their respective arcs continued their growth as characters even apart from each other. While I wish that RWBY had let the two work some of this out together, the growth that we were getting did make them more suited for each other. I’ll always ship BlackSun. But Yang getting a hold on her emotions, maturing, starting to work through her abandonment issues, and displaying just what a caring, honest person she was, at the same time that Blake was working through her past and her fears, learning to let people in, strengthening her resolve, and coming into her own as a leader... Come on, those two characters could’ve easily developed a good, healthy, strong, independent relationship and I’m legitimately sad that’s not what we got, especially since we sacrificed so much of Blake’s personality to get a worse ship.

I don’t even know what to say about it, tbh. Idk what else the writers expected us to think with how they wrote things. I’ve heard before that there was probably a cut scene in volume eight that included Yang and Blake fighting (which would then justify Yang and Blake’s reactions when they reunited,) and I do believe that, but the writers chose not to include it, and that made them look worse as a couple. Just like they chose not to include a scene where Blake and Yang work through the problem of Blake having left Yang without a word of explanation at the end of Volume 3. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake explains herself and Yang realizes that maybe she was being a little shortsighted about the trauma Blake had also gone through. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake actually learned that she didn’t have to protect or take care of Yang in volume six. And they haven’t included a scene where Blake puts just as much effort into their relationship as Yang does. And they didn’t include a scene where the two make it clear that they’re fine being apart. If anything, CRWBY has established the opposite, and it isn’t enough to just say that they’re taking care of each other, when they don’t show that to be the case. 

Sun being not only willing to let Blake be with others, go her own way, and be her own person, but encouraging of that, made him a very compelling romantic prospect for her. Unfortunately I just don’t see that with Blake and Yang. Their relationship feels co-dependent, and maybe it’s just my personal experience talking and making me chafe, but I personally just don’t like it.

However, fans have been queerbaited long enough. So personal opinions aside, CRWBY give Bumblebee some confirmation you fucking cowards.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep15 [FINALE]

For better or worse I think Ryukishi achieved exactly what he set out to do with this series, and I guess everyone’s just gonna be forced to reckon with how they feel about his own perspective on this franchise versus how they feel about it, lol.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut, plus Umineko spoilers.

I’m not entirely sure where to even start with this, but I guess the TL;DR is that I honestly think Gou/Sotsu was ultimately just fine despite it’s issues, and part me of can’t help but be like ‘I told you so, lol’ about how this really did end with this episode, and also committed pretty hard to the Umineko prequel elements.

It’s not like all of my theories were correct in the end, but I at least think I was pretty spot on in my prediction last week that this would end with the miracle of them side-stepping the sword issue entirely and choosing the third option of forgiveness and reconciliation. And also them ending it with an epilogue where we go back to the Matsuribayashi timeline and get a happy ending for Rika and Satoko that provides a ‘non-magical interpretation’ for the story while also giving us an idea of how Bern and Lambda formally split off into their own entities and start the relationship we see in Umineko.

I didn’t quite expect them to go down the route of having them agree to just spend a few years apart and accept that they don’t need to literally always be together, but I think that was a really good way to wrap things up between them. It’s pretty much the healthiest compromise to their conflict that doesn’t come across like it completely invalidates one of their dreams. I get why it feels too anti-climactic and convenient for people, but when you pull at that thread you get into wider topics of what the entire story is about, since this was always going to end with Satoko being redeemed and forgiven. People might not have taken him seriously, but Ryukishi was 100% genuine about his regrets about Matsuribayashi’s ending, and how part of why he came up with this new story was to create a better ending, while also doing more with Satoko as a character.

Basically I think a lot of the fandom negativity towards this boils down to people fundamentally disagreeing with the idea that Matsuribayashi was even ‘flawed’ in this sort of way to begin with, or that Satoko was badly written. It’s valid to disagree on this stuff, but at the very least we all have to grapple with how Ryukishi has his own specific relationship with this series.

People like to focus on how he’s a troll who likes to mess with people, but I feel like this is a bit of a wake-up call for people about how he’s actually extremely sincere, almost to a fault, and he likes to use his stories as a vehicle for expressing his personal philosophies and ideals. 

This whole story is also a good example of how he just sees this as ultimately being a fictional story about fictional characters, and not literally a matter of real people who need to be sentenced for their crimes or whatever. As early as the original VN he was almost being outright preachy about the message that nobody is irredeemable, and that philosophy carries through to this. But to be more specific, nobody *in this story* is irredeemable. He’s pretty open about the fact that in practice you can’t apply this sort of ideal to real life, but fictional stories are their own separate matter.

I think this whole issue of how he views this as a story first and foremost is also the central reason why this ended in a way that comes across as Satoko being let off too easy for her crimes. One way or another, Ryukishi’s made it clear that he sees this as being no different to how other characters had arcs where they committed crimes but still got forgiven, or how Takano is basically a straight up war criminal who also got forgiven for her crimes.

Anyway, this episode at least committed to the Umineko stuff, so that was satisfying. Sure there’s people that still want to deny it, but at this point I think a lot of people are just being stubborn, so it’s not like anything would have really convinced them, lol. I’m also genuinely not sure what people even would have expected them to do beyond what we saw her, aside from having the two of them literally put on their gothic lolita outfits and turn to the camera and go ‘we are literally Bernkastel and Lambdadelta from the video game series Umineko When They Cry’. I almost feel like there’s some kind of misunderstanding from people who aren’t familiar with Umineko when it comes to the idea of what it even means for this to be ‘an Umineko prequel’, or ‘a Bern/Lambda origin story’. I mean, this is quite literally exactly what I expected and hoped for in that regard. It’s not like I was expecting them to incorporate anything related to, like, Beatrice or the Ushiromiya family.

I think this is also one of those things where you just have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to earnestly engage with the story that’s being told, or if you want to assume that there’s some level of malice or trickery going on.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting them to literally have Rika and Satoko recite part of Bern and Lambda’s final conversation with each other word for word, lmao. Combined with the scene at the end where ‘Witch Satoko’ talks to herself about how she’s going to give her body back to Satoko while she goes chasing after Rika, it was literally just the exact origin story of their relationship as it’s depicted in Umineko.

I still feel like this would all only really be ‘worth it’ if we actually get something like a full on anime remake for Umineko, but at this point I can’t help but feel satisfied with this part of it all.

It’s not like I think Gou/Sotsu as a whole is perfect or anything, though. I don’t hate it as much as basically everyone else does, but I think Ryukishi’s the sort of VN writer who really struggles with the shift to writing for an anime. I think a big part of the frustration people have is just from how this is formatted as a weekly anime series spread across basically an entire year, instead of being something like a stand-alone VN chapter that you can read at whatever pace you want, even if it ultimately takes the same amount of time to read as it would to watch all of Gou/Sotsu.

There’s also the whole issue of this being a sort-of-remake, which snowballed into a whole list of structural problems. They absolutely tried too hard to have their cake and eat it too, and they should have just committed to it being made for old fans only, instead of trying to sincerely incorporate elements from the VN that old fans don’t care about anymore because they’ve gone over it already.

And as I’ve said several times before, it was a major issue for them to decide to put Nekodamashi in the middle of Gou and then spend like 20 episodes on flashback answer arcs until finally getting back to that cliffhanger. I’ve been waiting until this all ended to decide exactly how I feel about that, and now that it’s all over I still think it was a really bad idea. I don’t think it was an issue for them to reveal that Satoko’s the culprit that early, but having the gun cliffhanger specifically happen that early just gave people misguided expectations and tainted the answer arcs because people were just impatient to get back to the cliffhanger. And then the cliffhanger itself ended up being somewhat anti-climactic, which is what I’d been fearing would happen. It would have worked fine if they shuffled it around so that the cliffhanger happened right before Kagurashi and was followed up in the very next episode, or if this was a VN where you could binge your way through the flashback stuff, but spending like half of an entire real-life year to get back to that point only to have the resolution be ‘Satoko just shoots Rika and the death loops keep going’ just didn’t really work properly.

I’m a lot more generous towards the Akashi arcs than most people are, since I think they really over-estimate how much re-used content there is there, but they still suffer from the central issue of the show trying to be accessible for new fans. It could have been heavily condensed otherwise, without losing anything in terms of Satoko’s whole character arc.

On the other hand I think the first half of Kagurashi was awful specifically because it highlighted how bad of an idea it was to put Nekodamashi so early in the story. They still ended up having to go back to that arc and repeat it anyway, in the most 1:1 recap-y way in the whole show, but that wouldn’t have even been an issue in the first place if that was instead the first time that arc happened in the show.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I would rearrange the story to make it flow better while still following Ryukishi’s intentions, and I think they could have condensed it into a 2-cour season with this sort of structure if they did something like this:

-First arc where Rika gets thrown back into the loop and quickly figures out that somebody intentionally caused this to happen, and it’s not Takano because at least in this idea of mine she’d try and investigate her only to find out that this version of Takano regrets everything and is planning to flee the village with Tomitake.

Basically I think this could tie into the idea of Satoko initially wanting to just concoct an idea world for Rika so that she won’t want to leave this time, but sort of like what I think happens in Saikoroshi, Rika would still reject it, and this time around there’d be the additional layer of her knowing that somebody did this to her for an unknown reason. Maybe they could even initially market it as a new adaptation or a remake of Saikoroshi, and then reveal that it’s a sequel, to keep that whole element to the series. Either way I think this would end with everything going to shit when Rika rejects that fragment and wants to go back to St. Lucia’s, and Satoko basically snaps and kills her, and that way the audience can find out about her being the culprit without Rika finding out about it yet.

Maybe there could even be some dramatic irony where Rika’s attempts to meddle with certain ‘trigger events’, and her displaying her looper side, inadvertently triggers people around her to get paranoid, and the whole fragment would start to spiral into tragedy from there. I think they could at least use the whole conflict in Tatariakashi about Teppei actually being good this time as a starting point for that sorta thing.

-Second arc, rounding out the first cour, which is basically just Satokowashi. I don’t think there’s much that you’d need to change here, but like I said above I like the idea of her initially trying to just invent a perfect world for Rika and her to live in, instead of jumping straight to murder. But maybe instead of her literally just watching Rika’s loops, she could instead just be stuck using her looping powers to try and figure out how to create that ‘perfect world’ in the first place, by personally investigating all of the different tragedies and how to prevent them.

-Staring the second cour, a third arc where we basically just get to see those loops Satoko goes through, and her whole process of solving the tragedies and ‘purifying’ characters like Teppei and Takano, until we eventually see her perspective on the first arc, and how she reacts to Rika ultimately rejecting the world she tried to make for her.

-A fourth and final arc which is basically just Nekodamashi + Kagurashi, where she just totally snaps and tries to just torture Rika into never wanting to leave the village again, and eventually Satoko gets exposed and they have their direct confrontation with each other.

With that sorta story structure, you’d keep all the relevant bits of Gou/Sotsu as it is now, while being more focused on Rika and Satoko instead of doing kinda half-assed reruns of the Rena and Shion arcs. It’d also push the big cliffhanger between them until near the end of the show, while still revealing to the audience relatively early on that Satoko’s the culprit.

I’d also like them to do more with Satoshi and Shion, so maybe like with how Teppei gets redeemed and Satoko almost gets to have a happy life with him in Tatariakashi, the central question arc of this hypothetical story could also involve Satoko making sure that Satoshi wakes up from his coma, and Shion also gets to have a good relationship with all of them. You could probably do something interesting with the idea of Satoshi and Shion being in the camp of not trusting Teppei and his whole redemption arc.

Honestly I could spend a long time talking about how I would have done things differently, lol. For one thing, I think the Akashi arcs would have been much better if they just changed it so that Satoko used psychological tactics to make people paranoid, and we completely cut out the whole syringe plot device. I get how it fits with Satoko’s whole certainty gimmick, but it made those arcs way too predictable. Even if we knew the outcome, it’d at least be entertaining to see exactly how Satoko might go out of her way to set up the different tragedies. We kinda got glimpses of that sorta plot point in Wataakashi when things seemed to go outside of her control, but they didn’t really do much with it.

Anyway, this is a whole lot of words to say that I think that in spite of the serious structural issues going on, I think Gou/Sotsu as a whole is fine, and was at least working with a lot of perfectly good ideas that could have been executed much better.

Also, on a side note, that one scene during their fist-fight at the start where the art-style changes a bit was kinda weird, but I really liked how it looked, and part of me almost wishes the whole show looked like that, lol. I like Akio Watanabe’s character designs, but I feel like that sort of stylized, almost TWEWY-ish art style would have been really fitting for this series, especially in the horror/action parts.

Oh, and the new rendition of You was so good it almost felt emotionally manipulative, lol.

[saksukei]

wen junhui college au

other college aus; wonu minghao mingyu

you're damn right if you think that wen junhui is a theatre arts major because he iS and that too with humanistic studies as a minor aH and he's also on the rowing team,,, he started rowing as a joke and now he has one of the best times??? like. how.

and everybody knows he has too much energy and he uses it in the best way possible

like the plays? dude has a separate fanclub

you keep on seeing new tweets about “who’s the black haired guy in the play?” like wen junhui’s popularity is straight up no joke,, EVERYBODY KNOWS HIM

you on the other hand are an exercise physiology major with nutrition as a minor and you're also part of the rowing team,, and you have the best time for the women’s team,, which means,, you see junhui every other day,,

the coach pairs you guys often,, but there’s only one small issue,,,

YOU HATE WEN JUNHUI

he's such a pain in the ass,, he teases you every time he sees you,,, he always challenges your skills and makes you doubt yourself,, oh the amount of times you’ve wanted to deck him in the face,,

and today was the same as well

“you're not dead yet?” you hissed, as you saw jun approach you,,

“dont sound so disappointed, I might think you don't like me,” he retorted, a smug expression on his face, as he set his bag right beside yours.

“but I really don't like you,” you roll your eyes,,

jun chuckled, as he clapped his hands together, getting everyone's attention.

you guys were practicing indoors, on the rowing machine because there was some trouble with the equipment and the coach had to go get new stuff

which also meant he left jun in charge,, the teams assembled,, looking at junhui for directions,,

“alright everyone, warm up for ten and then start with a thousand metres,” he instructed. “and y/n, you're my partner.”

you rolled your eyes while everyone was whistling or smirking

it was no secret that you and jun didn't get along and he purposely tried to get on your nerves,,, heck everyone in the club said you two would fall in love at one point or another but you assured them by saying you'd rather choke

“your IQ is lower than room temperature junhui if you think that I want to train with you,” you hissed, as the two of you walked towards the machine.

“oh I'm sorry, I don't compare my intelligence quotient to someone who was deprived of oxygen when they were born,” he snapped, as he started warming up.

“you know what,” you spoke. “i'll just aggressively ignore your existence until you disappear.”

“maybe you should try doing it with that bird hair of yours, looks like worms will crawl out of it soon”

“why don't you look at your face first– ass clown?”

“why don't you look at your face first ass clown” he mimicked in a high pitched tone and all you wanted was to stab him there and then

“CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP WE'RE TRYING TO PRACTICE?” one of the team members yelled, causing you two to fall silent and warm up.

the next day,,, one of your best friends had begged you to go to her department because she had misplaced one of her things,, you only agreed on the basis that you'd be getting pizza

you were passing by the theatre to the class she told you to go to,, and you heard someone rehearsing their lines,, you went ahead to see who it was,,

of course it was jun with a script in his hands,,

and you don't know what it was,, but something just pulled you into the room,, maybe it was the way his words echoed of the walls,, the emotion in those alluring eyes of his,,

you actually sat down and listened to him instead of wanting to kill him,,, understanding what the hype was around him,,

like? you didn't even know this side of junhui existed??? excuse me? he was the biggest dick alive to you so you never really paid attention to anything nice that he did but this,,

you didn't even realize he had stopped until someone snapped you out of it

and you saw jun standing right in front of you

“well well well, it looks like I have a fan,” he smirked, folding his arms as he bent down to your level

“h-heck no,, I was just,,, looking for the um.....” you cursed your memory internally for forgetting.

“umm?” he teased,,

“shut up, I really was looking for something,” you snapped

“alright, alright” he surrenders,, raising his hands in defeat. “how was it though?” he asked.

“what?”

“the lines,, i'm sure you heard some of it.”

“they were um,,, good,” you reply,, shyly,, you've never been used to giving him compliments,,

jun nods as an awkward silence befalls the both of you,, you take it as a que to leave,, but then his voice stops you,,

“hey,, why don't you rehearse with me?” he suggested. “my actual partner is really busy and I need someone to rehearse with.”

“uh,, yeah sure?” you reply,,, as he hands you the script,,

jun started reciting his lines and you responded with the same enthusiasm

but the only thing that worried you was the last,, scene

in the script, it was written that jun's chracter would walk over to where you were, push your character against the wall and would try to initiate a kiss but your character would push him away

and so jun recited his last line, “i don't think I've ever tasted lips so fine, heck i'd taste them over and over again” he walked towards you, eventually pushing you against the wall

and your hEART WAS LIKE BADUMP!!

and his face was an inch from away from yours and you could feel his breath tickling your ear and you realized,,, how pretty wen junhui was,, how perfectly sculptured his face was,, those lips,, those cheekbones?? wait what??

and you were so mesmerized with how he acted on stage you didn't really realize you had to play a part as well

jun broke his stance, “you know you're supposed to push me away right?”

AND YOU BECAME RED

“y-yeah uh–but I–um remembered that I left the stove on!” you lied. “aND I DID SO BYE JUN!” you grabbed your bag and yEETED YOURSELF OUT OF THERE

and jun was confused but he ignored it and started rehearsing again

you on the other hand were trying to calm yourself like ???? It's just wen junhui? what the FUCK? Why is your heart racing so fast?? you were so confused? wHY? why is this happening

and the next time you saw him at training, oh dear god

“well if it isn't miss sunshine,” jun grinned.

“shut up jun, your existence makes me want to die,” you muttered,,, you felt your cheeks getting warm,,

“well, great, I think I'd be doing the world a favor.”

“jun if you're going to bother me one more time during practice I'm going to kick you so hard you will lose the ability to entertain a partner” you hissed, as you started warming up.

“nah,, you don't have the balls to do it,” he grinned, especially proud of the pun he used.

“you know what,,, I don't give a damn, so just leave me alone.”

“you give so many damns, they're visible from space,,,” he says,, his face is close to yours,, and you stop BREATHING

jun grins,, he thinks he has rendered you speechless,, as he goes up ahead to train with the boys,,

aND YOU FELT YOUR HEART WAS GOING TO JUST POP OUT OF YOUR CHEST

and now you were noticing all of these little things about him,, from his silly smile, to how he rolls his eyes, copies every small thing someone else does, to his goofy jokes, how his hair falls on his face, or just,,, him in general

all the while trying to keep your angry/annoyed facade so that he wouldn't pick up on it

but oh boy, it's wen junhui

and he notices every goddamn thing

including how much you've been staring at him especially in today's training session

he knew you were acting really weird since the rehearsal thingy but he was letting it slide because he thought you were upset or something and he didn't want to get on your nerves more

regardless, you decided to ignore jun from today onwards,, to stop feeling whatever you were feeling,,

and every thing was going great

you barely talked to him in rowing practice, you didn't attend the plays or even go anywhere near him

and jun,,,, he stopped annoying you as well

for two months

the whole damn university noticed but nobody dared to say anything ,,,,, in fear that you guys won't talk again

you were casually walking to the cafeteria and you heard something that just ,,,,, made your heart stop

“did you hear that jun got injured really badly? He was practicing in the theatre and this glass fell on his foot,,”

aND YOU DID A FULL 180 AND RAN AS FAST AS YOU COULD TO WHERE HE WAS

you had no idea why you suddenly cared so much like sure yeah, it was bad he got hurt but you were running so fast you felt your heart would pop out of your chest

the nurse eventually led you to where he was

and you saw his leg covered in bandages???

and your heart just broke

“hey what are you doing here?” jun asked. “i haven't seen you in like,,, two months?”

“jun I'm sorry–” you felt tears slide down your face. “i'm sorry I ignored you every time you tried to make a conversation with me or whatever I just,,, I had all these feelings that I couldn't figure out and I got scared–”

“hey hey hey, it's okay,” he cooed, as he opened his arms wide, only for them to wrap around you, as you cried in his chest. “no harm done, I promise.”

“no but jun– I was really inconsiderate and I just kept on feeling like I was missing something but I couldn't figure out what it was,” you cried out. “i felt ignoring you would be a solution but I just, I don't know?”

“hey, okay listen to me– what happened in these past two months happened–” he wiped the tears from your face. “but I hope you understand that the only reason I used to bother you a lot was because,, well,,, I really geniunely like you.”

“l-like me?” you stuttered.

“why do you think I annoy the crap out of you?”

“because you're an idiot, you like doing stuff like this,” you answered.

“but you're the only one I annoy?”

“okay that part I missed,” you give him a weak smile,, jun chuckles,, ruffling your hair,,

“in all seriousness though, I hated these two months. I felt like you were upset or something and I didn't want to risk hurting you even more so I stopped talking altogether because I thought you'd talk to me if I did,,” he admitted.

“its my fault this happened in the first place,” you responded. “and I now realize how stupid I am.”

“you're not stupid, you're just an ass clown,” he joked, a playful smile on his face.

“but i'm still sorry, junhui,” you sighed. “i really didn't want this to happen.”

“hey, it's okay– we both were right in our own places.”

“so um now what do we do?” you asked.

“well it depends,” he answered. “does someone want a cute, charming, handsome and brilliant boyfriend?” he grinned.

“only if he wants an amazing, beautiful, smart and talented girlfriend,” you answered.

“oh he sure as hell does,” jun grinned.

[quirrrky]

⚡Can i ask for a zenitsu scenario where he starts dating this girl who is like a dreamgirl to him but she starts treating the reader (zens bff who is obv in love with zen) badly to the point she really hurts readers feelings (i have a fear of being hated by everybody, like feeling their rejection maybe you could use that) but zen doesnt know until he catches gf saying or doing sumn bad? im sorry if its too specific i came up with it while setting up the christmas tree please make it very angsty and then very fluffy it would make me so happy i also love your writing and your blog in general is so pretty im sorry for the lenght

ALWAYS YOU

Rating: K Genre: Angst, Fluff

HI ANON! I TRIED TO MAKE IT AS ANGST AS POSSIBLE, I HOPE I PULLED IT THROUGH AND THAT FLUFF IN THE END IDK IF IT’S FLUFF ENOUGH, BUT I H WISH YOU LIKE THIS ONE!  OH! IT’S COOL TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE AT HOME AND I HOPE YOU GET TO PUT THE STAR AT THE TOP HEHEHE. AND! DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH!

ALSO! FEEL FREE TO JOIN MY ON-GOING EVENT, 12 DATES OF CHRISTMAS! 

Zenitsu was “in love” with her. He told you she was his dream girl and she possessed everything he’s looking for in a woman. You kept on wondering what did that girl has that you haven’t. Was it because she’s all pretty and glammed up and you aren’t? But you knew that you wouldn’t change for the world since you’re perfect the way you are.

And it’s because you are you that you know how to get Zenitsu’s laughter, his jokes, his stories. Though some found his crying incessant, you found it cute—a special part of him that sets him apart from others. Nobody gets that but you. Not even her. That’s why you can’t help but die from within whenever you’d see them together.

You thought to yourself that maybe if you’re just smart enough to discern your own feelings a lot earlier, you wouldn’t have to see her that close to him. Maybe if you’re just brave enough to confess your feelings, he wouldn’t have to hold her hand like that because that would be you in her place.

You’d plaster a smile on your face whenever Zenitsu would turn to you, but you knew that you couldn’t keep up the farce much longer. You have to go your own way—you can no longer bear to see them together like that wishing he’d look at you that way he does with her. Not when she already told you to stay away.

“Please just go away. He doesn’t need you anymore. I’m already here.”

You were his best friend. You were there through his highs and lows. Zenitsu never thought that the day would come when the two of you would ever get separated. Whenever he’d imagine what his future would be like, you were always there, a part of the person he’d like to be. You dreamed together yet you were growing apart?

The familiar face that usually welcomed him every morning to school was gradually fading away, until he just noticed that you’re drifting apart from his life. Even if, he finally had her hands in his, her attention all to him, there’s still a space in his heart that only looks for you. Zenitsu honestly didn’t know the reason why until he heard her.

“Please just go away. He doesn’t need you anymore. I’m already here.”

At the moment, he heard her say that, he didn’t think through confronting her, “How can you say that to Y/N? She’s my best friend.”

Was that the reason why you’ve been avoiding him recently?

“Are you trying to choose her over me?” She asked confident about his answer.

He doesn’t need you anymore.

But he needed you. He needs you in his life. Perhaps, more than he thought. Only you can understand him deeper, only you gets his jokes, only you were there to listen to his stories without trying to change who he actually is. And he wanted to do the same to you. He wanted to listen to your stories, laugh at your joes and be there when you cry. Just the way you are and the way the of you were.

“I’m sorry.” Zenitsu told her as he took your hand and you both ran away.

You couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like a scene from a shoujo anime the way you were running away from everybody. Soon, a laugh escaped you two while your breaths were catching up at your speed. You stopped at your favorite street corner with heaving breaths.

“Y-Y/N-chan! I can’t believe this. I-I broke off with her!?” Zenitsu said in utmost disbelief.

You just gaped at him still testing the waters. “Yeah, I mean…it’s okay if you choose her instea-“

He cut you off when he started crying. “i CaN’t BeLievE I aLmoSt LoSt yoU y/N!-chan!”

This made you hold back your own tears, because everything he said resonated with you well. Because yes, you thought you’d lose him for real too.

“They were right. We can’t live without each other. I’ll just stick with you and only you from now on!” Zenitsu announced gaining his resolve, which left you surprised.

It might be too early to start from now, but it’s great that you had each other back. It’s even greater that he finally realized how much you meant to him. Only time will tell, but now you knew you’d have this time in your hands. You just didn’t know it but he’s actually planning the same.

☾ masterlist: Zenitsu ✧ KNY ☾ ⁺˚*·✧ request guidelines ✧⁺˚*·

[mashedpotittiess]

Seance Season Chp 2

Chapter 2: Worries and Answers.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader.       Mentions of OC x Hoseok. Non-Romantic mentions of other BTS members.

Summary: You repeatedly told yourself you did not have Magick. But one evening has you fearing for what you’re starting to become. In the middle of all of that, you have this pull to Jungkook that you both can’t quite explain. This new season of your life is Seance Season. Will you come out the same person?

Words: 13,500+

Rating: PG13-M’ish. Some Sexual scenarios but not the full Snex.

Genre: Magick, Witch au. Fluff, Angst and Smut. Slight Horror.

Tags/Warnings: Strong mentions of Magick and spells. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the idea of wicca and anything of the sort as certain remedies and ‘spells/chants’ are in fact real to some. Drinking. Fighting. Blood. Destruction. A man harms y/n. Horror to some degree. Extremely religious folk be wary.

Pls excuse if there are any spelling or grammatical errors. I don’t really have a beta or anything to scan for anything like that <3

All rights to pictures, songs and other types of media respectively belong to their owners.

Fic Inspired Playlist that I highly recommend while you read each chapter as they sent the mood. Link is here.

Taglist: @a-mess-of-fandoms @dnyad @mwitsmejk @ggukkieland​

To be added to the taglist of this pic or all of my pics lmk through comments or dm’s c:

—————————————————————

“Thanks, for uh..the ride home and you saving me..and just everything.” you were still visibly shaken from the events that had just transpired but you tried your best not to show it, your face hardening as you worried at your cheek with your teeth. 

The heels of your scraped up boots clacked against the concrete leading to the front door of your apartment complex. You’d probably have to say goodbye to these shoes as they not only had had enough ‘excitement’ for their lifetime but the heels were wobbly to walk on and you knew they were close to just breaking off.

Stopping at the wooden door to the lobby you looked up to meet the intense gaze Jungkook fixated on you. It wasn’t the same intense gaze he had at the club, no, this was and intense look of contemplation, of fear, of intrigue.

You searched for the right words to say but as you opened your mouth he did the same. “Are you okay to stay by yourself? You’ve had a long night. I’m not saying I’d like..stay the night, but I could always stay for a bit if you want to talk about tonight.” His eyes held sincerity in his words and if you were being honest you really didn’t want to be alone. You we’re scared of so many things right now and you weren’t sure you could even sleep if you tried. The thought of the man who attacked you possibly finding you again made a shiver run up your spine. You knew he was badly injured from Jungkook and it would definitely take time and powerful potions to heal him up right, but it didn’t settle the slight tremble in your knees.

“If you would..I’d appreciate that” With a nothing but a nod, Jungkook opened the door to you and followed behind your walking body.

Reaching into your purse that Jungkook recovered from the alleyway for you while you were in a daze, you pulled out your key and turned it into the deadbolt mechanism until the locking ‘click’ could be heard.

Gesturing with a wave of you palm, Jungkook entered your ‘home’ and you closed the door behind you both making sure to lock both locks, even if it was just for peace of mind. You watched his eyes move over the entirety of your livingroom/diningroom open space and the kitchen nook that was only separated by a wall with a cut out alcove between the dining area and the actual kitchen space.

“Make yourself at home, I’m going to take a quick shower. I think I packed up some of Tae’s clothes that he left at my old house and brought with me here, when I get out I’ll check.” you watched the dark haired mans left eyebrow cock at the mention of ‘tae clothes’ but didn’t ask why as you just wanted to get out of these clothes and try to wash away at the grime and blood that covered your body.

Taking a change of undergarments and pajamas with you to the bathroom, you left them neatly folded on the sink and made quick work of your clothing. Deciding most of it had been damaged and it would be best to just get rid of it, you threw it all into a heap and tossed your non ruined undergarments in the hamper nestled inside your linen closet.

You finally took in your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was wildly matted in spots from when you were against the wall and on the ground wiggling about to break free. Your body was littered with numerous scrapes and scratches that you knew would bruise over the course of the next week. You cheek had bits of dried blood from where the Ice dagger cut at your skin and the cut on your palm still had beads of flowing blood mixing in with brown specs of dirt and debris you accumulated from the alley floor. Your tearducts and nostrils were black with soot and ash from Jungkooks fire and what was left of your makeup was smeared in different directions. You looked like hell and a part of you was embarrassed that Jungkook had seen you like this.

Steam filled the room as you lit the eucalyptus and peppermint candle settled atop a shelf to help with the tension that was running rampant in your mind and body.

Stepping under the hot water, you felt it start to string your skin with the borderline too hot stream that you needed to feel. The water swirling into a pool at your feet making it’s way to the drain was tinted a mauve color and you watched until it finally ran clear. It was almost therapeutic, clear was associated with purity and the water washing off the physical grime of tonight made you a little less on edge. Thanking the element of water you made quick work of working shampoo into your tresses.

Atop your head sat a bun of hair and conditioner while you washed your body. The mixture of hot water and soap licked at your body and you hissed at the pain but you scrubbed vigorously at your body with your loofah none the less.

The water once again spiraled with a pink hue as the grime that hadn’t been washed away with just the water finally made it’s way off of your body. With a sharp hiss, the cut on your palm opened further. The swollen pink skin around the crimson gash stung as you made sure to really wash it. The cut on your face re opened in the same way while you washed all traces of makeup, soot, debris and dried blood from the delicate skin.

You din’t know if it was the color of the water or the thoughts flowing in your mind but you broke down. Tears streaming down your cheek as your knees gave out and you sat your body in the tub curling into yourself.

Sobs wrecked your body as you shook violently and you held your knees to your chest tightly in search of some sort of stability. Water made its way from your head and into your mouth and a quick inhale from a sob caused you to choke out the liquid. 

Why did this all happen? What was going on? Could this all please be some sort of horrible nightmare that you could wake up from? What was this overwhelming urge you couldn’t quite describe? 

Scenes of fire fanning over concrete and chunks of rubble lying under gaping holes littered your brain and dances behind closed eyes as silent cries of why continued to escape your lips. 

Jungkook had been using paper towels to dry at the cuts and scrapes on his arms he had just washed in your kitchen sink when he heard a heavy thud echo from the bathroom. He had thought you might’ve dropped something but the sound of a choked sob prompted him to hastily make his way to the bathroom door. He had called out to you multiple times but the sounds of streaming water and heart breaking sobs were all he got in response. 

Warm arms and a fluffy towel were wrapped around your body as you finally registered that the shower had been turned off and you were currently leaning against a solid body of muscle as Jungkook secured the towel around your body. 

You both stood there in silence with his arms secured around you as tears continued to escape your eyes and it wasn’t until you were finally taking in deep breaths to calm yourself that you took in the situation. Jungkook had not only seen you naked but he witnessed your break down and helped you yet again.

Pulling away from his body, you clutched the terry fabric closer to your body and he politely nodded his head while making his exit to let you dress yourself. 

The soft jersey fabric of your lavender colored pajama shorts and old megadeath shirt covered your body while your fuzzy socks felt cozy against your toes. Covering the candle to extinguish the flame, you made quick work of brushing your hair with the etched wooden comb your mother had gifted you for your 18th birthday, the wooden teeth detangling your hair gently.

Your eye cream had aided in helping to de-puff your eyes a bit but they were still visibly swollen and red. Shaking your head at your yourself in the mirror you finally exited your bedroom deciding you had finally calmed down enough to not only face the man who had saved you twice already but make yourself some tea to hopefully aid in clarity of your mind, body and soul.

Upon entering the kitchen, you came face to face with Jungkook who had been leaning against the counter waiting for you. “Before you say anything, I didn’t see much I swear. It was so foggy from the steam that it was all a blur and before you apologize just know you don’t owe me one. I just wanted to make sure that you were..well..okay.” He had insisted before you could even open your mouth and attempt the apology that had been sitting on the tip of your tongue as you didn’t know what else to say. His words put you at ease but you still softly thanked him to which he smiled that dazzling bunny like smile that was such a juxtaposition to his ‘rebel without a cause’ look he had going on. The tattoo spiraling from the tips of his fingers up to his chest and neck didn’t really help- WAIT when THE FUCK did his shirt come off. Omg was he half naked when he picked your buck naked body off of your shower floor and into a towel? Jeez you really should stop with the leering y/n, you were literally having a mental breakdown like 15 minutes ago, a breakdown that this tall dark and handsome man had witnessed. Shaking your head of the ‘offensive’ thoughts, you opened the upper cabinets by your stove searching from your herbs you wanted to brew.

Turning on the high heat setting on one of the burners, you set your black kettle down and got to work on filling a small mesh bag with a concoction. A pinch of dried Lavender buds, a 1/2 teaspoon of ground chamomile, a few dried yarrow flowers. Hmm, I’m forgetting something.

“Tangerine peel would be a great addition for that tea.” The voice to your right called out, reminding you of Jungkook’s presence. He was right, Tangerine peel had been known in the ways of Magick for its aid in purification, protection and clarity. The uplifting scent was also a plus. Grabbing a Tangerine from your fruit bowl on your small dining table, you carefully separated the flesh of the fruit from its peel and sliced in thin strips. 

Steeping the Yarrow separately as it needed more time than the other herbs, you munched on the Tangerine. The sweet yet tart juicy flesh burst between your teeth as you chewed making you realize how hungry you had been.

“Are you perhaps hungry? I just realized I haven’t eaten in hours.” You questioned Jungkook with a soft bite at your bottom lip. “I could go for some food, I actually know this 24 hour pizza joint that delivers if you’re up for that.” He asked with a smile and you nodded in return promptly telling him to order anything he liked when he asked what your preferred toppings were.

The scent of the steeping tea was soothing and you found yourself gazing at the man in front of you who was currently on the phone ordering a pepperoni, mushroom and black olive with garlic butter crust. The words along making you internally drool. The tattoo on his left side of his torso looked so intricate, the swirls of black ink with small bursts of crimson in the shape of what looked like dahlias made their way from mid torso over his defined abdominal muscles and down his hip disappearing into the waistband of his pants. Wait why is his shirt still off? Where is it anyways? OH FUCK You had forgotten to bring him some of Taehyungs old clothes. You had finally noticed that he had cleaned himself up while you were gone, his wounds hadn’t been bleeding but you could see the shadow of bruises starting to form over his bruised skin and decided after you found the clothing you would try to make a healing salve to aid in the swelling of the area. Passing his frame to head to your room you caught a glimpse of what looked like his shirt folded on one of your dining chairs. 

Holding what looked like it would fit his frame you thrust your hands out to him.”Here, the clothes I forgot to get you earlier. They look like they’d fit. Tae isn’t as uh..’muscly’ as you but you’re around the same-ish height” Mentally cringing at the word ‘muscly’ leaving your lips you glanced to the right of his frame and noticed that your tea had been presented in a mug on the counter with a napkin folded next it.

Jungkook thanked you and assured you it was more than okay, even adding that he ‘forgot’ he had been without a shirt. When you look like that you can get away with ‘forgetting’ being half naked. 

A drizzle of honey perfectly complimented the steaming tea as you brought it to your lips and blew a stream of cool air before taking your first sip. The herbal concoction did wonders to your palette. Tangerine leant a soft citrus note that had you quickly taking another sip. 

Gathering a plethora of herbs based essential oils you quickly got to work mixing the right amount of each together in harmony of what was needed most. The oils had now been ready to put into the coconut and jojoba oil you had already warmed. With a 1/4 cup of bees wax to help harden the oil like consistency you set the mixture in the fridge for quick solidification. You had finished putting away the multitude of jars that littered the counter when Jungkook entered.

“Hey thanks for the clothes.” you noted Teahyung didn’t look like that in those dark grey marled jogger style sweatpants and plain black crew neck t shirt that sported more than a few holes. You liked distressed oversized tops and Tae and Joon always left clothes at your old house so finders keepers. I mean you had to admit your friends were beautiful creatures, but you always looked at them as brothers and not a man that had his hands on your hips dancing rhythmically a few hours earlier.

The sound of the doorbell ringing brought you out of your thoughts and Jungkook stated it must be the pizza. Pouring yourself a glass of ice water you took both your mug and glass to the coffee table situated in front of your couch. Laying two paper plates on the wooden surface, you stacked a few napkins from your roll knowing how messy pizza can sometimes get.

The smell of garlic and pepperoni filled your nostrils and you almost groaned as your stomach grumbled embarrassingly loud; good thing Jungkook hadn’t been too close to hear. While Jungkook set up the cardboard box in between the two plates you had laid out, you brought him a glass of water after asking what he’d like to drink. 

It was a comfortable silence that befell the living area as you both munched on the greasy goodness on the comfort of your couch. Your legs stretched outwards from their previously criss-cross applesauce position as you reached for your ice water after finishing your first slice. You had to admit, Jungkook had been right about the pizza being delicious. His bunny like smile made your lips curl upwards at your admittance.

Three slices of pizza and half of your water later you curled your throw blanket around your legs and sipped on the now lukewarm tea. Clearing his throat, Jungkook turned towards you from his position on the other side of your grey couch, a napkin in his hadn’t as he dabbed at his mouth. “Are you..are you okay to uh…talk about what happened earlier?” You weren’t quite sure if you were to be honest, but maybe he had some answers to the questions you had regarding the events that had transpired in that alleyway.

With a long sip of your tea you nodded in answer with a swallow. “Y/n do you know what you did? Like are you aware of what happened?” your head bobbed up and down slowly as you took in the trepidation on his face.

“I could see the smoke if that’s what your asking. I saw the tendrils twist and curl into those obsidian looking spears. I couldn’t really control it, It’s like I saw what was happening but I was just a bystander of sorts as my body was taken over.” You paused trying to figure out the best way to phrase the next series of sentences. “I could..hear..voices that sounded like my own and something deeper almost sinister..telling me what to do, what I wanted to do, what I should do. As I was watching I almost wanted to give in to everything the voices were saying. I was so upset and frustrated that it all came out at once in a physical way. It’s like I was in one of my recent nightmares, just watching as I destroyed that wall. Whatever it was wanted me to do much worse but it’s like this light was cast and parted the smoke that clouded my vision and I was able to break out of that sort of trance. It’s like when the wall was destroyed, either the sound of seeing the concrete turn to piles of rumble made me realize what I did. I just..I j..just want to w..wake up and it all be some sort of sick nightmare. Jungkook I don’t have magick, I never have. M..maybe it was some sort of spell that I was under and it can just be broken. Maybe that man had some friend that cast a hex.. I don’t know.” Fingers shaking you reached for your mug and chugged the rest of the cool liquid hoping to calm yourself down.

“Y/n that wasn’t spellwork or some sort of hex. That was dark magic. Something I’ve only seen once and i..that was a long time ago. It looked like you were being consumed by it, not controlling it. Your eyes turned the color of Onyx and your veins looked as if they were full of ink and not blood. There was this shrouded aura around you that pulsated with power. I felt like lightning had struck next to you and I was..almost..scared. But then you came to and some part of me needed to help. You keep saying you don’t have magick but you seem to know a lot about it.”

With a nod of your head you gestured towards the framed picture atop the mantle that held your tv. After you had explained to him the magick your parents and friends held he nodded in understanding, his question seemed to be answered.

“So you didn’t come into magick before your 18th birthday?” A shake of your head answered his question. “I don’t know much more about how dark magic is obtained. I just know it is capable of so much hurt and destruction. You aren’t anything like the holder I’ve..come across.” 

“I don’t want this Jungkook..I don’t want to be this way. What if it was all a fluke? Like, what if it all goes back to normal tomorrow?” His tongue poked at the inside of his left cheek as he contemplated what you had said. “I don’t think that’s how that works y/n, but maybe it will. We can hope. I really think you should ask your parents about it though, you said they own a magick shop right? They must have more knowledge on this than I do. I know you said you don’t want them to try and bring you back home but y/n you need to know what’s going on. Even if it was a fluke and never happens again you still can’t just run the risk of it happening again and without a magic shield protecting the area you could do actual damage to something or worse..” He was right and that thought alone scared you. Standing up you threw the paper plates into the brown cardboard box and took it to the kitchen for recycling.

Your mug had been placed into the sink basin by Jungkook. “How did you know to put Tangerine in the tea? You also must’ve known the brewing time to pour it before the herbs burnt and got bitter.” The questions slipped from your mouth as you washed the grease residue from your hands, in your defense not all active magick holders are well versed in teas, tinctures and the such. Thats why your parents shop had been frequently visited. Some witches finding things as simple as ‘human magic’ as they called it, to be just that simple, too simple for them to care to learn or worry about doing. “My mom taught me as a child before..she passed” A brief look of hurt crossed his face and you couldn’t help but regret asking.

“She was a fire holder like I am. She said Dad was too even though he passed around the time that I was born. Funny how we can have magick but still pass from disease and sickness.” His lips curled into a tight lipped small smile as you softly let out an apology for his loss. “Both passings were white some time ago. Don’t apologize for things you had no part in.” Jungkook’s front teeth showed as his smile widened and while you were put at ease you were still regretful of asking and having him relive parts of his past.

“But that’s why I really believe you should tell your parents what happened. You have someone to hopefully help you with what’s happening, to guide you. Earlier you asked about my Inferno Fire. When my mom passed..madness is a understatement for what I felt. I was consumed with the need to avenge her and my power..it was a lot to control. I still have my moments but what i’m saying is, you have the guidance I didn’t have. Let’s say your parents don’t have answers to whats going on, at least they know and can maybe try and be there for you.” You knew he was right, while you hoped it was a fluke of some sorts, there was no way you should risk it again without consulting your parents and best friends. 

“I’ll check to see what time the trains leave tomorrow, or well later today since it’s passed midnight.” You figured the sooner the better and having the next few days off until Thursday night helped.

“You don’t have a car right? If you want, I can drive you. You said it’s a few hours out of the city? I just don’t know if you being on a bus alone before knowing what’s going on is safe. What is another holder comes after you again and this time you’re not only defenseless but other can get hurt as well. The shield can only do so much. We got lucky tonight that he and myself both put up shields that blocked the brunt of the power but a moving vehicle with people so close together is another story.” 

To say you were surprised by his offer was an understatement but you agreed none the less as he had a fair point. You both agreed he would stay the night ‘his insistence and your obvious agreement’ and after you both rested for a few hours as it was already passed 3 in the morning, you both would go over to his apartment so he could change before heading over to your hometown.

“Wait are you sure you’re okay with that? What about work or a roommate or a..girlfriend. omg are they okay with you being at my place? or a club for that matter” Word vomit like questions escaped your mouth and you instantly regretted them despite the incredible smile they caused Jungkooks lips to form into.

“Well my work will be fine. I don’t go to the office as much since Jimin runs most of it now. The only roommate I have is a pet cat named Luna-“ A cock of your eyebrow “Don’t judge me, Stella Luna is an iconic children’s book and we can all learn from momma bat. Anyways Jimin will go by and feed you if I ask him to. I don’t have a girlfriend and if I did I surely wouldn’t have been at that club dancing with you like that.” You felt the blush creep up your neck to your cheeks, tinting them in a soft crimson.

“I..alrighty then, I should probably head to bed. Long day ahead of us and all. I’ll bring you some pillows. Before I forget, there’s a salve in the fridge for you. It should hopefully help with the swelling and bruising.” You didn’t give him the chance to reply as you bounded off to your bedroom in search of the extra bedding you had tucked away on the top shelving of your walk-in closet.

Two fluffy pillows and an extra blanket filled your arms as you made your way back into your living area where Jungkook was currently sitting while scrolling on his phone. Looking up from the glowing screen of his cellphone, Jungkook took the bedding from your outstretched arms while a polite ‘thank you’. “The salve feels great by the way. Calendula was used to make it right? and I thought I smelt yarrow too.” With a smile you nodded as his assumptions had been correct. “Peppermint to give the swelling a cooling sensation, Burdock root oil for skin circulation so the area can hopefully heal faster and a little bit of chamomile to soothe.”

“Feel free to leave the lamp on if you’d like. You already know where the bathroom is. Um, I’ll be setting my alarms to around 10 because I already know that if I don’t set them I’ll sleep all day. Goodnight Jungkook”. 

“Goodnight y/n” With a eye crinkling gentle smile, the man in front of you tucked the pillows behind his head. 

How long had you been laying there staring at the wall? 30 minutes? An hour? 5 minutes? Every time your eyes fluttered closed and you started to enter the dream realm, you snapped your eyes back open afraid of going back to the same nightmare you’ve had twice before. The tea had worked in calming you down and giving you a sort of clarity but it didn’t prevent you from still asking the what if’s and the fear that swirled around in your brain.

Tip Toeing your way to the kitchen, you blindly reached for what you thought was the wall separating the kitchen from the dining room and instead grabbed ahold of a fist full of air while leaning a little too forward. “Shit fuck” you hissed as your big toe came into contact with the leg of a dining chair. You hadn’t even heard Jungkook move from his spot on the couch when arms reached behind around you and you were suddenly placed in a chokehold.

Flailing your arms, you swung your right elbow backwards and hit the dark haired mans left ribs. “What the FUCK?” you yelled out and the man immediately let go of your body. Flinging yourself onto the wall behind you, you reached around for the light switch.

With the area finally being illuminated Jungkook’s eyes widened “I’m so so sorry, I just heard a voice and thought someone got in!” Shaking your head you dragged out a breath of air. “An intruder that’s short? I mean it could happen but you didn’t think of the height, mixed with the voice of a female mixed with you being in someone else’s apartment that maybe it was the owner of said apartment?” Top teeth bit into his plump bottom lip and you sighed. “I appreciate you for being on the offense with the ‘intruder’. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

With an adamant shake of his head and a promise of it being ok you slowly nodded your head. “Have you not slept yet?” You chewed the inside of your cheeks before answering quietly.

“I understand, but you need rest y/n. Would you like it if I..slept in there with you? NOT IN A SEXUAL MANNER.” His hands went up defensively and you held back the chuckle that threatened to escape your throat. “I just mean maybe another person being in the room will help you sleep better and if you have a nightmare I guarantee I’ll wake you up”. Studying his expression and glancing at the time on the stove fuck it’s already 5:20.

“Okay” was all you replied before he followed you to your bedroom after flicking the kitchen lights off. 

You could feel the heat coming off of his body despite your shoulders being a whole foot away. It wasn’t an uncomfortable heat though, it was actually almost soothing. Like a heating pad on your back when that time of the month came, TMI analogy I know but it was true.

The sound of Jungkooks breath slowing down as he was brought back to sleep lulled you into your own slumber, thankfully before morning light streamed through your window.

The sounds of two alarms going off at once blared into your ears. With a groan you reached blindly forward towards your phone with usually lay on the nightstand. Instead of the cool plastic case that enshrouded your phone, your hair was met with a fistful on floppy hair. 

Your eyes had never shot open so fast before in your life. Blinking slowly, you stared at the unmoving body that held you in his arms as you were pressed to his defined chest. How was he still so peacefully asleep with alarms blaring? His lips were softly pouted as he dreamt and his eyelashes looked like ebony feathers racing the tops of his cheekbones. The mole under his lip almost hiding beneath his bottom lip as he pouted. He was beautiful and you, you..oh fuck I probably have morning breath and look like shit.

The attempt at detangling yourself from his grasp proved futile as his arms only pulled you closer until his heated breath fanned over your neck. You pushed back the shiver that ran up your back with every breath he took. With a deep breath of your own you pushed yourself backwards with all your might and managed to flop right off of the bed and land on the rug covering your floor.

Pulling yourself up to a sitting position you watched as he clutched your comforter under his chin as he was still asleep. Wake you up if you have a nightmare my ass. He managed to wake up from me SOFTLY cussing but alarms blaring do nothing.

You took the time that he was still asleep to brush your teeth and hair and even put a light dusting of makeup over your face. With a pop of mascara and brow gel brushing over your hairs, you pulled away from your bathroom mirror and ran your finger over the now scabbing slice over your cheek. The tinted moisturizer and powder evening out your complexion but not covering your wound as you knew it needed to heal without possibly getting infected with anything covering it. A soft swirl of bronzer over your temples and the edges of your face made you look more awake than you felt as you were currently a walking zombie (no offense to zombies).

Walking back into you room, another of Jungkook’s alarms was going off and he hadn’t even budged from his position. Jungkooks eyes shot open as both of your hands gripped his shoulders as you leaned over him, his name leaving your lips in a sort of loud groan/growl. A lazy smirk pulled over his lips as he cocked his left eyebrow up at you. “You know, if you wanted to groan my name I could make it a lot more fun for you.”

The fire that licked at your loins was doused with water as you stepped back from his frame and cross your arms over your chest. “It’s 10:30 and your alarm has been going off non stop. How the hell do you sleep through that?!” Jungkooks smirk was quickly replaced with a sheepish grin. “I’m really bad with alarms. I promise if it’s like someone telling me to wake up or something urgent like what I thought was an intruder last night I’ll wake up but alarms go off for about an hour before I actually wake up. Luna usually jumps on my face and paws as my cheeks so I can wake up cause she’s so fed up with the sound.” The image of a cat squishing his soft cheeks caused you to giggle.

“You look nice by the way, not that you didn’t last night. I’m just saying you get ready fast.” Jungkook left to the bathroom after you thanked him for his compliment. Your feet pattered against the wooden floor as you searched through your closet for something to wear.

The light blue boyfriend style jeans being oh so comfy yet hugged your ass in just the right way. A worn grey/black Nirvana shirt with plenty of holes and gashes served its purpose in covering your torso and a pair of OG black checkered slip on vans completed your road trip outfit.

You slipped on your favorite birthstone embedded ring over your thumb when Jungkook entered your room in search of his phone. “I’m ready whenever you are” you nodded in understanding and grabbed an oversized navy blue hoodie in case you got cold. After a quick interval debate, you decided it would be best to pack extra clothes in case you stayed the night back home. Telling Jungkook of your decision, you hurriedly shoved a couple of  random graphic tees, a pair of pajama leggings, an extra pair of socks and your back up travel size toiletries into a satchel along with your phone charger.

With a quick look through your purse to make sure you had everything you needed you followed Jungkook out of your apartment and into his sleek black luxurious vehicle. “I sent Jimin a text telling him I’d be gone for a day or two so he could watch Luna. Speaking of Luna, she’s very cautious of new people so if she avoids you please don’t take it personally.” you nodded your head in understanding and your eyes followed the passing high rise buildings from the window. While you hadn’t really explored the city you remembered this area being upscale from the few school trips and random road trips with the boys you had been part of.

The sunlight streaming through the windows was cut off as you all pulled into an underground garage that was attached to a high rise building, rows of expensive cars lined up in their parking spaces and you instantly felt underdressed. Picking at the holes in your jeans you softly nibbled the inside of your cheek as Jungkook pulled into his spot. 

The garage level elevator dinged as you all entered the space and you let your eyes roam around. The walls were mirrored chrome, the rails looked as if they had been recently polished and the floor was a crisp white marble against your worn in shoes. “I could always just wait in the car..I don’t exactly look the part right now.” Your cheek was pulled between your teeth and the dark haired man shook his head adamantly. “You look fine y/n, plus I wouldn’t want to leave you in the dark garage while I took who knows how long getting ready.” He had been right, the garage lights seemed to be motion activated so they only lit up when a car pulled in or occupants exited the elevator or stairwell, so you would in fact be shrouded in darkness.

As the elevator doors opened to the 30th floor your eyebrows shot up at the modern design of the hallway. Marble floors seemed to extend over the ground here as well. The walls were a soft grey toned taupe color that was accentuated by the dark stained wood crown molding. Above your head, the ceiling had the same color as the walls except rows of squares were made with the crown molding and in the middle of each square sat a mirror which aided in making the space look large. In front of the elevator was a thin console table colored with the same wood as the molding, atop the counter stood a few silver toned vases that were filled with bunches of white hydrangeas and soft pink roses.

You had noticed that unlike your building that held many doors along the hallways of each floor, this building or maybe it was just this floor but as you turned right and followed Jungkook you had only seen one or two white wooden numbered doors. The glass and chrome mini chandeliers lit your way as you turned another right and ended up in front of another hall with two doors, one of either side. 

Setting his palm over the electronic keypad, Jungkook entered 4 numbers followed by a green ‘enter’ button and the locking mechanism clicked as is unlocked. With a turn of the handle, the door was softly swung open and you followed Jungkook though the threshold.

With a flick of a light switch, the apartment was now illuminated. Damn, so this is how the other half live. The kitchen to your left was a completely open space, a large white marble topped island with silver metal stools separated the space from a long black wooden table and chair set that sat at least 6-8 people.

To your right was a large living area complete with a built in black wooden console and shelving that housed a massive flat screen in the middle. Atop a shelf to the right of the tv were multiple different gaming consoles and rows of what you assumed to be games and dvd’s. Encircling the area were plush medium grey couches that formed a large sectional, to the side were two light grey nailhead trimmed wingback chairs. In the middle of the couches was a coffee table that looked as if it was made of twisting large logs that were dipped in liquid silver with a clear glass square top. In between both wingback chairs stood an endurable that matched the coffee table but at a much smaller scale. Tucked against a wall next to one side of the sectional couch was a chrome finished standing floor lamp with square shaped glass encircling the lightbulbs. Along the wall of the open dining and living area were large dark grey curtains that seemed to hide massive windows that looked as if they were floor to ceiling from what you could see.

The walls in the dining area held various modern eclectic paintings but besides that, the walls were pretty barren. The soft light grey almost white of the walls made the space look exceptionally clean. A loud purr and something rubbing against your left ankle took you out of your thoughts and appreciation of the beautiful space.

A small black bundle of fur was circling around you leg as it rubbed itself against the tops of your shoes. Bending down you smiled softly at loud purrs that Luna was letting out. A big pair of green eyes landed on yours and Luna meowed up at you. Extending your hands towards her head, you softly scratched behind her ears as she nuzzled her head against your fingers. 

In front of you knelt a dumbfounded Jungkook as he seemingly waiting for Luna to come to him but instead came to you for attention. “Luna, i’m your dad! How could you? I get that she’s pretty but didn’t you miss me?” A small pout graced the mans lips and you couldn’t help the loud laugh that escaped your lips. He resembled a child that got his gameboy taken away from him.

“Well since she seems to like you, I’m going to shower real quick and change. Make yourself at home. Theres food in the fridge but I was thinking of maybe picking up something for the road if that’s cool with you.” You let him know that was more than fine with you as your tummy was starting to grumble. Standing from your previously knelt position you watched as he entered a room to the left of the dining area, only two doors lined the wall and before you could ask what the other was, his mop of hair entered your vision from a small space as the door re opened. “Theres a bathroom in the door to the left of the little hall next to the living room.” With that, the man closed his bedroom door again and you followed Luna to the massive couch as she seemed to want you to sit and give her more attention.

She said in your lap as you smoothed your hands over her sleek black fur. You noted her bowl of food and some high tech water system on the side of the kitchen island and smiled at the little plaque reading “Luna” nailed into the white wood of the kitchen island over her bowls. You loved your couch, you really did but as your butt sank into the cushions of the sectional, you sighed. What the fuck did Jungkook do to live this lavishly? 

You scrolled through your phone with one hand as you pet the cute fur ball atop your lap with the other. You had sent a text to your parents and your friends asking if they were free this afternoon as you were coming back home and needed to talk. The text was answered immediately with worry from your mom and you assured her you were fine. Jin had asked if you needed a ride from the train station but you had let him know you were being driven by a friend to which your friends had a plethora of questions ready.

With another sigh you worked your fingers over the touchscreen, answering as many of the questions as you could with a promise of ‘i’ll tell you the rest when I get there’. 

You didn’t knew how much time had passed but you assumed it to be a short span before a door opened and Jungkook emerged with slightly damp hair and a new outfit. The dark denim hugged his thighs and you tried your best not to drool. A plain black crew neck shirt and dark grey hoodie covered his torso and you internally were little jealous at how someone dressed so casually could look like they were walking the stage at new you fashion week. In your mind you were miss potato and he was a greek sculpture.

Slipping on a pair of black combat boots he gripped the small leather overnight bag between his fingers and planted a kiss to the top of Lunas head as she hopped off of your lap and stood on the back of the couch. “Ready?” Your feet followed his as he exited his apartment and before you both could reach the elevator door, a shrill voice called out to you both. 

“Jungkook! You weren’t home last night, I tried to bring you a slice of tiramisu that I had ordered from Ronaldos but you weren’t home.” The blonde pouted her pink colored lips and her big brown doe eyes bat innocently. “Oh you had a friend with you.” The word friend seemed to be accentuated more than the others as she twist a strand of her curled hair between her manicured fingers. 

“Oh, yeah I didn’t come home last night, thanks for the thought though.” Jungkook politely called out. “Another night at Jimins? I love a good bromance. Or perhaps a long night at the office? I told you that you needed to relax a little sometimes. You’re always welcome at my place.” Her lips grinned lasciviously as she stepped towards you both slightly and ran her fingers up Jungkooks fabric covered arm to his shoulder. She acted as if you weren’t even standing there not even a couple of feet away.

“No thank you Melissa, I already told you I’m fine.” Her manicured nails curled around Jungkooks bicep and she hummed. “But you seemed to be more than fine last time you came over. Why don’t you come over right now?”.

“No” Jungkook sternly answered and turned his back to her after shaking off her grip. Not a single step was taken before she gripped his bicep and moved to turn him to face her. Your eyes followed the movement as she leaned in close to his face. You told yourself the annoyance that filled your body was simply because she was taking up your precious time that could be spent driving not the fact that she so calmly set her paws all over the man that had you feeling all sorts of tingles when you were with him.

“Come on, we both know you had fun Jungkook. Just tell your friend you’ll hang out later” Her voice lilting as she drug out the ‘kook’. Her hand trailed to the side of his face and she thumbed his cheek. 

You suddenly felt your wrist being pulled as Jungkooks large hand wrapped around yours and pulled you towards his chest which had now been turned to face you. A heated palm softly cup your cheek and you couldn’t even ask what was going on, Melissa’s large eyes being the last thing you saw before Jungkooks face took over your vision. Plush lips pressed against yours firmly yet so soft as the breath seemed to leave your body with a squeak. “Jungkook wha-“ Melissa’s lips snapped shut as he deepened the kiss with a palm flat against the small of your back. Your mouths now open against one another but no tongue was introduced. 

As he pulled back, Jungkook hovered his mouth over yours, his breath coming out hot against your lips. “Melissa, I’ve said it before i’ll say it again. That won’t ever happen again and no I wasn’t at Jimin’s nor was I at the office. I spent all night with this ‘friend’ of mine. Speaking of which we gotta go, long day and night ahead of us.” At the word ‘friend’ Jungkooks palm moved from the small of your back to your hip and gripped softly. With the last word leaving his lips he winked at you and turned both of your bodies away from Melissa and towards the elevator.

When the doors closed and the garage button was pressed Jungkook let out a long breath he seemed to have held. “I’m so so so sorry for that y/n. You just don’t understand how many times I’ve let her down nicely. I made one fucking mistake when I was drunk off my ass from being depressed thinking of my mom’s death and I just I don’t know, I knocked on her door and it happened. I left right after and told her it was a mistake on my part for taking advantage of her kindness and offers but that it wouldn’t happen again and that I hoped she’d understand but obviously she didn’t understand. It’s been like 6 months since it happened and she still hasn’t stopped and I just wanted to shut her up. I’m so fucking sorry I pushed the kiss onto you, I just took the opportunity of having a female especially an attractive one at that being there with me to show her I meant it when I said no.” 

Laughter filled the elevator as it dinged, the doors opening. “It’s okay. You’ve helped me over and over again these passed couple of days, I’ll just chalk it up to helping you. Plus it was just a kiss, don’t freak too much. You literally look like a ‘dear in the headlights’ except change the dear to a bunny.” Jungkook pouted his plump bottom lip as the lights overhead turned on while you both walked to his car.

You wouldn’t admit the tingles and butterflies you had around him were intensified when his lips met yours. You felt as if you were ignited from the inside out, the same way you had felt at the club and it took everything you had in yourself to not reach up and grip his hair to pull him closer as you slipped your tongue into his mouth right in front of the blonde watching.

A shiver ran up your spine at the thought and you bit down hard on your top lip, your teeth sinking into the soft flesh to keep you from dwelling on the situation that you had built up in your mind. 

The smell of breakfast tacos wafted through the car as you both munched on your food. Bags of snacks and drinks sat at your feet and the soft hum of the radio gave the start of the trip a chill vibe as Jungkook connected his bluetooth to his stereo system.

The ride was peaceful even with the little bouts of Jungkook obviously speeding on the semi deserted highway. You noted that he had a beautiful voice as he hummed to Billie Eilish’s ‘You should see me in a crown’. The bottled espresso drink you chugged had helped awaken you and you found yourself bobbing your head along with his playlist of songs.

With a text of ‘Just got into town, will be there soon’ you gave Jungkook the directions of the streets he should turn onto to get to your parents shop. 

Pulling up to the little shop you knew and loved, you lead the way up the pavement to the wooden door with the sign now saying ‘closed’. It had only been a little passed 4 when you both arrived but you figured your parents would have closed the store early when you texted them that you would be visiting. Your father had suggested the meeting place be the shop to which you all agreed. With a quick glance behind you, Jin’s small suv sat parked next to your parents car and Namjoons dark blue Jetta.

With a deep breath in your knuckles rasped against the wood of the door as you knocked. The door creaked open and you were immediately pulled from your spot to a solid body you immediately recognized as Taehyungs by his earthy natural scent. 

Your hands shot up defensively as you quickly informed everyone that you’d explain the now scabbing small wound on your cheek and bandaged hand in a bit as that was part of the reason why you were here. At the word ‘cut’ your friends eyes shot open but before he could ask you shook your head to solidify the fact that you wouldn’t be answering his question until later.

A big boxy grin widened across his face as he pulled away and you were pulled into another pair of arms. Jin hugged you tight as his arms wrapped around your shoulders and you pat his back. The third pair of arms that encircled you belonged to Namjoons and you held him tight as it had been awhile since you had last seen the man. 

Your mom and dad embraced you in a group hug you didn’t know you needed and when they finally pulled away you watched as your mom wiped away the stray tear that made its way down her left cheek. 

“Everyone, this is Jungkook. He’s helped me while i’ve been in the city.” Your friends eyes scanned over his broad frame as your parents bid him a warm hello. 

“Yours a magick holder and a strong one at that. Hi, I’m Jin.” With an extended hand he shook the mans tattooed one. “I am, you’re pretty strong too. Actually, you all are. I can feel your auras from here.” Jungkook’s hand waved as he gestured around the room. Namjoon introduced himself the same way Jin had and Taehyung stood there with a questioning glint in his eyes. 

You knew that look, it was the same one he had on his face when they found out Joshua had been your first kiss, Brandon had asked you to prom and Chan had been you first boyfriend. Your friends were all protective of you but Taehyung showed it a little bit more, you knew he meant well and just wanted the best for you but it still sometimes got on your nerves when you had to remind him you were a grown ass woman. With that being said you were somewhat of a hypocrite, knowing you were super protective of the three men as well, you probably held that exact same look in your eyes when you met someone they were interested in.

“Jungkook, this is Taehyung. Tae this is Jungkook.” Taehyung nodded out a ‘hey’ as his right arms wrapped around your shoulders. With a shake of your head you followed your friends to the makeshift table and chairs they had set up near the bookcases, your parents already sitting on the two plush chairs that were always tucked into a corner in case shoppers wanted to sit down and read a bit before purchasing. Sitting yourself onto a lightly padded black folding chair you tucked your hands in front of you not knowing where to start.

“What’s bothering you honey? You’re biting the inside of your cheek and i know you do that when you’re stressed or deep in thought and not that I love that you’re here, I didn’t think we’d see you back so soon.” Your mom’s gentle voice questioned and you breathed deeply to center yourself before answering her. 

“Mom, there’s so much I need to tell you well so much i need to tell all of you. But before I start. Jin, do you remember when I asked about those dreams ‘for a friend’?” Your fingers curled up into air quotes and he nodded with a seemingly knowing look crossing over his handsome features. “I think you already know but it wasn’t a friend, it was me.”

His chest rose and fell as he took in a deep breath as you confirmed his suspicions. You swallowed down imaginary saliva before you glanced around at your family surrounding you and opened your mouth to tell them about the nightmares and the weird feelings you’ve had to how you met Jungkook at your job and how he had saved you from the attack in the alleyway and witnessed your transformation of sorts.

By the end of your re-telling of events your moms face had paled and your friends donned eyes as big as saucers. Your dad gripped the edge of the table as his knuckles whitened and Jungkook sat beside you calmly.

With a shake of his head your father looked at your mom as you asked if they had any idea what could be happening. “You need to tell her.” It was cliche and straight from a teen fiction novel but the look in his eyes told you it wasn’t a light matter.

Reading the room your friends and Jungkook stood from their seats but your mom shook her head telling them to sit back down. “You all are as much of y/n’s family as we are. You need to hear this.” Moving her chair around, your mom moved closer until she was sitting right in front of you and half your hands into hers. 

“When I was a little girl, I had met someone who would later become my best friend. Her and I met at the park you always loved as a child, the one where you’d swing and swing all day. Every week we met at that very park, we would talk and chase each other in a game of tag and just laugh like little kids do. I knew even back then that I’d had to hide my powers from her despite my younger self wanting nothing but to show her I could sprout a small dandelion front a pile of dirt. Back then Magick holders were even more strict with not getting too close to regular humans. It was out of fear that those thoughts were made, we would be cordial with them but never get too close.

As I grew older the want to tell her about Magick grew stronger. We would meet multiple times a week and confided in each other with so much but I was scared of how she would react. One day while waiting for her to meet me by the little dirt mound that was shaded by a big oak tree, I fiddled with the dirt. My fingers brushing the earth until I mindlessly let some of my magick out. A path of babies breath sprouted from the earth through my fingertips and before I could make it go away, shoes cam into my vision. I didn’t even have to explain as that little girl just smiled and sat right down next to me. I probably looked like a fish with how my mouth was opening and closing but she simply placed her hand on mine and asked if I could keep a secret.” A deep breath exited your moms lips before she continued. 

“She held magick I had only heard about. As she brought her hands to cup over mine, a bright white orb of light manifested before bursting into golden butterflies. She told me her parents had taught her to hide her magick aura from others and that’s why I hadn’t felt her aura. She said she had wanted to tell me especially since I was a fellow magick holder but was scared of her parents finding out.

From then on our bond grew. I had been so happy when we found out we would both be attending the same high school. Your father- or well my husband and I met in a shared english class and she and him became quick friends after I had introduced the two. The three of us had become close friends but I always kept her secret from everyone. When her parents passed in our sophomore year she stayed over at my house to help with her grieving. They had been the only family she had and the only light holders she knew. After we had graduated high school she left with the promise of coming back and visiting despite me spending with her not to leave. With a bright smile she left for the city in hopes of finding other light holders and learning more about her magick.”

Your mom’s grip on your hands had tightened and your brows furrowed at how she had referred to your father as her husband. “I had stopped hearing from her a month in to her trip and I feared for the worst. I had even gone to the city in search of her but to no avail. About a year and a half later, a knock was heard at our front door and imagine my surprise when I got up in the middle of the night and opened the door to a very pregnant her standing on the porch of my husband and I’s new home. I let her in immediately after greeting her with a big hug. She looked terrified and clutched her stomach between her arms. She was sweating and looked as if she was having trouble standing. When my husband awake from the noise in the living room she took our hands into hers and pleaded that no mater what happened to her that we would take care of the baby she was carrying. I tried to ask her what she meant but she once again asked before taking a deep breath and gritting her teeth. 

I throw car keys at my husband as I knew she had started to go into labor. Her water breaking and streaming down the legs of her sweat pants making me wrap my arms around her and guide her towards the awaiting car. When we arrived at the hospital she gripped my hand and please once again with me. With a yes I told her it would all be alright and she was wheeled to the birthing room.

A few hours later I was called into the room and she lay there with a bundled baby in her arms. She looked so tired not just from giving birth but like something else was weighing on her mind. She asked me if I remembered saying yes to taking care of the baby when something happen to her. She was so sure something would happen and it confused me. 

A few days later she and her baby came to live with us as I adamantly gave her no other choice and she agreed as long as I kept ‘my promise’ she said. We were sitting in the living room a few days after she had been living with us and I asked why she had been saying something was going to happen to her. I told her I would go back on my promise if she didn’t tell me and with a shake of her head she looked at the little bundle of joy in her arms. She told me the father of the baby was a dark magick holder but was adamant he had not been a bad person. She said she was scared of some of the people that surrounded him and that when she had realized she was pregnant she started planning to get away in fear of what would happen to the child had she stayed around those people. While I was shocked to say the least, I just sat and listened to her.

It was approximately two weeks and one day later that she got up and left to what she said was the grocery store. Hours passed and at one point the baby I had been rocking to sleep started crying. There was an overwhelming feeling that took over my body and I knew something wasn’t right. We searched for her that night around town but came up empty handed, we had even filed a police report the next day. Two days later a body was found by the local river in a small shack that had been burned down. The body belonged to my friend, the police said it looked as if she had been in a burning building and died from smoke inhalation but the burned shack had been but ruins for years as the fire that took place had happened over a decade ago. Police searched for her killer but I knew it was dark magic, the soot the fear she had it all made so much sense.

That’s why I feared for you going to the city. Deep ties to dark magick lie within that city. Stories were told while I was in high school of light holders being hunted by dark magick holders in fear that they would try to stop their insidious ways. Dark Magick was not given like our other elemental powers were. A long time ago a group of Elemental holders; one of each element, came together in want for more power. They were power hungry witches with dark desires. They prayed to the dark Gods for immense power and even made sacrifices of living beings. In answer of their want, they were stripped of their elements as the Goddess did not want such people to hold power given by her. After their power was stripped, the dark Gods came together and granted them with dark magick. Like light magick, it is very rare, passed down by generations of holders who shared the same power. However, a person with enough wickedness can bring forth dark magick by sacrifice and doing the bidding of the Dark Deities wishes.”

Your brows furrowed as you took in all the information. “Y/n you were her child. I promised I would take care of you and I have. Believe me when I tell you I never told you of your birth because I wanted to protect you. I was scared they would take you from me like they had taken her. I never told you of your parents powers because you never showed signs of power. I had hoped you would be able to live a normal life.” Tears had streamed down your mothers face and you pulled her into a tight hug.

You had been crying as well and you reached for fathers hand. “You both are my parents okay? I don’t care that you didn’t give birth to me. You raised me, you’ve been there for me.”

“I’m so sorry y/n, I tried to keep you from all of this but it seems you’ve started showing signs of power. If we had told you then maybe we could prepare you.” You tightened your grip on your parents hands and you shook your head adamantly, telling them no. They had done what they thought was right and you were grateful for that.

“I felt it, a long time ago. When I had first practiced protection spells in your room with Tae and Joon. I felt this power trying to push through the barrier but I didn’t put much thought into it. Then when you were telling me about the nightmares I just had this weird feeling but you said it wasn’t you so I believed it.” Jin’s voice was shaken and you shook your head. “I told you it was someone else because I didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest.” Jin stood from his seat and engulfed you in a big hug to which you reciprocated. His embrace felt comforting and you needed it as you took in all the information you had just been given. 

A while later and more comforting embraces and conversations your father looked over the table towards Jungkook. “So y/n said you have the element of fire? Thats not very common, well not like air and water.” Jungkook nodded his head in answer and your father smiled. “Thank you for saving our daughter and bringing her here. You’ve been a real help and should she go back to the city like I know she will despite us asking her not to. I ask that you please keep an eye out for her.” You mother had been pleading with you to stay but you assured her you couldn’t do that to your lease on your apartment or your job. You told your parents you were going to learn more about your power should it come forth again and you weren’t going to run away from it. 

You friends weren’t very pleased with your decision and as you all decided to go back to your parents for dinner, Jin stood. “If you want to go back, I’m moving too. I’m not okay with you being alone, even if you have Jungkook as a friend to help.” 

Taehyung and Namjoon both stood in agreement and you shook your head. “Guys you all have lives and jobs here, I’m not that far away you could just vis-“. “Y/n we could just visit hight now and look what happened! What happens if that man comes back and Jungkook isn’t there or what if you need help controlling your powers. I can always apply for jobs there with my qualifications and my life here? I mainly just have you all as friends.”

Jin was going to budge and you knew it. “If that’s what you insist on doing then fine but you’re not moving in with me.” You all cleaned up the makeshift table and you followed your friends out of the store while your father locked up. 

“I’ll apartment search.” Jin huffed out and Namjoon said he’d be able to transfer colleges easily to the city with his GPA. Taehyung added that while he’d have to wait for his semester to end he’d be sure to go when it ended in a couple of months. It was now apparently decided that Jin would be giving his two weeks for work when he went in for his next shift and that him and Namjoon would be moving to the city soon, with Taehyung in tow in the coming months despite your disagreement. They assured you that you’d live your own life and they wouldn’t crowd you, they’d only be there when you needed them.

The drive to your parents house was filled in silence as you mulled over the fact that you had had a different set of birth parents. You still hoped that your power wouldn’t arise again and that you’d be able to continue living a normal life but part of you knew that would never happen. Jungkook had asked how you were feeling while he kept his eyes on the road ahead of you both and you mumbled out an ‘I don’t know’. 

Pulling up to the wood and brick home you had grown up in, you exited the car with Jungkook in tow as your parents invited you all in.

Dinner had gone surprisingly well despite the obvious stress that resonated in each of you and hung over the home. As your best friends hugged you goodnight with a promise of ‘see you tomorrow’ and ‘I can’t be here when you leave in the morning but you bet your butt i’m serious with moving to the city’. Rolling your eyes at Jin you waved them off and turned to enter the warm home. The heat of the house warming your arms from the chilly late night air.

Jungkook had been scrolling through his phone when you reached him. “What’re you looking at?” You asked. “Looking for a nearby hotel so that I can come pick you up in the morning.” Your mom had overheard his answer and placed her open palm on his shoulder with a shake of her head. “Nonsense, you’re already here, might as well stay the night and save the hotel fee. i promise we have better breakfast too.” A chuckle lit her face and Jungkook gave in, not wanting to argue with your mom.

“Perfect, you can sleep in y/n’s room or the couch as the guest bedroom is currently being renovated from a few days ago when my lovely husband exploded an experimental ‘sudden shower’ potion that went awfully awry. Your mother hadn’t mentioned that in your daily texts and she shrugged at your questioning face and scrunched eyebrow.

Jungkook entered the living room with both of your bags that had been placed in his back seat earlier that day clutched into his right hand effortlessly. 

You hugged both of your parents goodnight and led Jungkook to your downstairs room that had been secluded from the upstairs bedrooms. When you were about 15 you had pleaded with you parents to give you the downstairs bedroom and make your then bedroom an office or the guest bedroom. You stated that you needed to privacy and with nothing but a wall between rooms, you weren’t able to live your ‘teen life’. After many days of ‘No’s’, your mother had finally agreed to the switch when you reasoned with her that blasting your Whitesnake CD had always annoyed her nightly meditation. She still had threatened to kick your ass if she found any boy in your room without her knowledge to which you retorted with ‘what if i’m a lesbian’ to which girls were then treated in the same manor as possible male ‘corrupters’ of her daughter.

The overhead lights illuminated your bedroom as you gestured your hand to the door on the right. “The bathroom is over there in case you want to freshen up or anything.” With a nod of his head, Jungkook took his bag with him to the conjoined bathroom and you opened you overnight bag to pull the necessities you’d need for the night. You’d have to share your bed with Jungkook yet another night but you weren’t made uncomfortable by the idea in the slightest. In fact it was the total opposite, he had made you comfortable despite the tingles in the pit of your stomach he sometimes made you feel.

If you were being honest, it had been one hell of a few days, almost too much for one single person to take in. In the span of a little less than a week you had moved to a new city, got a new job, met a man that would later save your life, been attacked by a magick holder, come into a power you still wished would never resurface and learned that the couple that had raised you and been all you’d known as a family hadn’t been your biological parents. It was as if life was working way too fast and all you wanted was so be able to live a normal-is life or at the very least if all of this had to happen, could it at least happen over time? Not all within such a short period of time? The Goddess and God worked in mysterious ways and you tried to believe they had a plan for you. 

With a quick prayer to the Great Mother you sat at the end of the bed and took a few deep breathes to center your chakras. The air pushing from your lungs acted as a metaphor for the stress literally being carried away by the element of air.

The door to your conjoined bathroom opened with a slight creek. Jungkook had kept the same plain T shirt as before but had changed his earlier pants for a pair of thin cotton deep blue pajama pants that hugged at his thighs when he sat on an empty side of your bed, the bed dipping slightly with his larger frame.

A clear of your throat kickstarted your motions as you made your way to your bathroom to get changed.

Your soft flannel pajama pants felt like heaven against your legs, the worn in fabric replacing your denim jeans. You relished in the clean feeling your cleanser had given your face as you brushed your teeth, the bristles working in tandem with the minty paste against your teeth and gums.

Patting the rose face oil over your skin as the last part of your skincare you bundled your worn clothes into a ball and tucked it under your arm. Clicking the light switch off you softly closed the door behind you and made your way to your overnight bag that sat next to your bed to place your bundle inside.

Your bottom slightly dipped into the mattress as you sat down on the other side of Jungkook who had been leaning back on your headboard with his cellphone in his hands. A soft glow from the nightstand lamp was cast over the man to your sides features as the overhead light had been turned off by the time you made your way out of your bathroom.

“Hey, I’m sorry for imposing. I just really didn’t want to turn down your mothers generosity.” Jungkooks body had turned towards yours slightly and you shook your head in answer. “You aren’t imposing at all. If anything, i’m sort for imposing on your life. I feel like I’ve drug you down this rabbit hole of sorts and you’ve been nothing but there for me. I know you told me to stop apologizing but still. Thank you for everything. Also, there’s no way my mom would’ve taken no for an answer if you had tried to turn down her offer.” A light chuckle escaped your lips as you both smiled.

Shifting under the thin covers your mother had replaced your plush comforter with you leaned your body down against the mattress and reached for your cellphone to set alarms and check your social media.

The bed further dipped as Jungkook mimicked your posture as he laid his larger frame against your shared space. You nodded when he asked if you had wanted the lamp off and soon the only light that illuminated the area came from each of your cellphone screens.

Your bedroom was soon shrouded in darkness as both of your devices now sat on either nightstand. The ebony haired man mumbled a set goodnight as his breath seemed to slow and even out. Exhaustion took over as your eyelids fluttered closed as you entered your dream world, this time instead of darkness, your dreams were filled with jars of herbs as your parents whipped up potions and laughter as your friends watched Taehyung fumble with bottles as he helped prepare the concoctions. 

A heat crept up the side of your neck as you stirred awake. Leaning your body back slightly you sighed in comfort as a comfortable heat enveloped your back. Your actions were stopped short when a soft groan sounded against your ear, the arms that had been wrapped around your middle now gripped at your hips to still their shuffle backwards. 

The chirping of birds was heard through the room but sunlight had failed to fully penetrate the thick curtains that covered the windows shrouding your room in a very dim light. Your eyes shot open at the groan that entered your eardrums and the soft vibrations against your back as the sound reverberated off of a strong chest. Your heart drummed against your ribcage as you tried to dislodge your body from the larger one behind you. 

A pass of your bottom against something hard and protruding caused a familiar feeling of arousal to flood the pit of your stomach. Your teeth sank into your bottom lip and the fingers gripping onto your hips shifted to your stomach, palms flattening over the soft skin under your shirt.

“Don't move, I just…need to calm down” A deep voice mumbled from behind, a bit gravely from sleep which hadn’t helped the stewing hints of arousal that set itself into pit of your stomach.

Shifting your thighs slightly, your eyes clamped shut as you tried your best to steady your breathing before mumbling an answer. Afraid of the possible sounds that could try an escape your throat if you replied, you managed a slight nod. 

The closeness of his body set your aflame and you felt yourself getting dizzy with a mixture of need and heat. A clench of your thighs caused your ass muscles to squeeze slightly and Jungkook’s eyes squeezed shut with a bruising grip on your stomach.

He was really trying to keep himself from doing anything, given that you both were currently in your parents house and you undoubtably had gone through enough lately but the quiet whine that escaped your clenched lips caused his flattened palm to press you back against him.

With a short thrust of his hips, his covered bulge met the curve of your ass. The movement mixed with the clenching of your thighs caused a lovely friction against your core and you leaned your neck back against the curve of his shoulder as his hips repeated the motion.

Long fingers splayed themselves against your lower abdomen as your hips moved back to meet his short yet powerful pelvic movements. The cold metal of Jungkooks rings feeling like ice against your heated skin as your shirt rode higher up your torso. 

A low groan came up from the depths of your throat as you ground your hips hard against Jungkooks moving ones. “Y/n, you’re playing with fire right now.” The husky voice sounding in your ear making you feel the ghost of lips over the shell of your ear. 

“Maybe I wan’t to get burned.” If the groan Jungkook let out earlier was arousing, the sound that currently escaped his throat was almost enough to send you over the edge.

The hand that gripped your hip now trail down to your covered thighs, his fingers dipping into the soft flesh. The raise of your leg caused you to feel his clothed member more clearly and a thrust of his hips had you reaching up towards his scalp to tug at the silky black locks that covered his head.

“Fuc-“ “Y/n! Jungkook! Breakfast is ready.” The voice of your mom was heard from the other side of your bedroom door and as if in a trance you both sprung up from your positions on your bed.

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‘cough’ CoCK bLoCK ‘cough’. Hi ily for reading this chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it!

-C or Potittiess

[literalizzy]

A Touch of Ruin .:. Review

... Yes, I did just post A Touch of Darkness review. And, yes, that means I've finished this second book in less than two days.

I have a bunch to say about this second book, so take a sit.

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3.5/ 5.0 (with spoilers)

Dear Lord, what happened in this book?

I won't lie, when I first finished the previous book everything in the plot seemed so well closed already that I got really curious about how the author was going to be able to develop the trope. The answer, I've found out later, was simple: caos. That way, forgive me for any confusion in this review but so many things happened at the same time that I barely know where to start.

I believe I should start by recognizing the change of something that bothered me a lot in A Touch of Darkness: the no talking between Hades and Persephone. Even though I still have a lot of criticizes, I honestly believe this sequel showed up a true development in their emotional relationship. In a way where Hades and Persephone, whom spent the whole first book in pure smut and no talking, finally realize that being lovers is more than just knowing each others bodies.

Hence the whole fighting and stress. They've spent so many time separated in this book, exactly because they had to learn how to deal with their emotions and to be open with each other abou them. It was a beautiful thing to see, that made their characters so much deeper and so more relatable than in the first book. And most importantly, without losing the spiciness the book was being sold by, once there was a plenty of great smut scenes.

That being said, let's talk about what had already bothered me in the first book and just got worse in the sequel: the obsession with their partners previous sex life. As I said in my last review, this kind of trope bothers me a whole lot, and it doesn't matter if it is applied to the woman's sexual life or the mans. In a Touch of Darkness, Hades had already vainglory himself over being Persephone's only sexual partner. Now, in a Touch of Ruin, Persephone gets into a spiral of unfounded jealousy and spends a whole book in pure agony because her thousands of years old boyfriend wasn't a virgin when he met her.

I'm not saying her insecurities are not normal or should be reprehended. After all, she's pretty young and had only one sexual partner who is known to be hers by Fate, so it's not like she had or expects to have much other experiences. Hades did also kept a lot of information from her, not helping a lot with the whole "trusting a hundred per cent in my lover" thing. However, her fear around being cheated on was so badly worked that it didn't even looked like insecurity but as pure possessiveness and toxicity.

I couldn't really notice Persephone's development in this trope as an empowerment, where she understood her value as a woman and as lover. It actually looked way more like a "I'm pretending my lover does not have a past sexual life until the moment it will be inevitably thrown in my face again in the future and I can use it as an excuse to make angry sex with him".

Witch takes me back to the feminist plot, as I've also said in my last review. This sequel gets so confusing treating such important plots as sexual assault, rape, female union and empowerment, at the same time as it loses itself in virginity plots. It happened so many times that, more than once, I've found myself questioning if Persephone's actions were honest. In one second she was fine and all trustful of her relationship with Hades, and on the very next chapter she's having an attack because her biggest fear IN THE WHOLE WORLD is to be cheated on. Just so, right after it, she has a super sweet and adorable moment of female union and comprehension with Leuce, the woman who she just had a nightmare of being cheated with? It's like her personality changes in seconds and she never really outgrows her fears.

Anyway, after my rage around this plot (that, just in case didn't got clear, I hate a whole lot) we can move on to what was one of my favorite parts of this book: Lexa's plot. At the start, Lexa wasn't one of my favorite characters, I always felt like she wasn't adding much to the trope but being the fun gal with Hermes. However, in this sequel, her accident represented such a development to Persephone's character, it was brilliant. At the same time it exposed all the limitations in Hades power, it also represented a mistake that Persephone just had to make. If it was solved in any other way, Persephone wouldn't have ever understood the consequences of her actions and how important Fate and the barrier between life and death are. For her to understand and accept do be the Queen of the Underworld, it was extremely necessary for her to respect that sometimes some hard decisions were to be done, and she would have to deal with that. Now, that was a true empowerment.

I could spent a whole bunch of time still commenting on Apollo's trope or even Demeter's one, but I believe that, in general, this is all I have to say. Just as it's previous book, A Touch of Ruin is an extremely entertaining and spicy book. The kind of one you read really fast when you're just trying to run away from reality a little bit. There are a lot of bad points for me, but nothing that makes the book less pleasuring to read. I've already started the next one, actually.

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Can You Imagine? XIII

A/N: And we’re back with an update for this, too! Wow! For those of you not reading my other fic, Not Today, why not?? I’m kidding- for those of you not reading that fic as well, I gave a brief update that basically just says, I am in classes again, so my posting was a little sporadic during that. But I think I’m getting into the groove, so hopefully updates will be more consistent! With that hope in mind, please enjoy this emotional chapter! Skål! (Also, as a note for the end- it feels a bit final, but I promise this isn’t over! Just something of a sectioning off, I think!)

Summary: Freydis was dead. At least, when she’d lost consciousness, she’d been sure she was. But now she has woken up in a cold, sterile environment, one she is certain is not Valhalla, and the world as she once knew it has changed. People now have strange abilities, some of them, and people they call ‘scientists’ are trying to give them to her. The bigger issue, though, is the fact they have also woken the very man who killed her. Ivar the Boneless lives again as well, in the same way Freydis does, and if they want to survive… she may have to learn to trust him again.

Masterlist

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Forgiveness

“We go around. I will take the front, lock them in their minds, while you dispose of the others. Move fast, no hesitation. We can’t afford to mess this up.”

Ivar nodded once at Freydis’s instructions, watching her as she settled in. It wasn’t every day he took his orders from someone else, not on the battlefield, and hearing his wife lay out their strategy was different. It was a good sort of different, though, and he wondered how long she’d been working with strategy. Had this begun when they were in Kattegat still, when he had turned on her and forced her to turn on him in return?

It was hard to not let his mind wander there, back to that night where she’d gone to his brothers, and sold him out to them. What had she thought about, when she got up in the night and left Kattegat, went to the camp of Björn Ironside, and told him about the passages into Kattegat, which Ivar had had built for his family’s escape, and then the next morning when she’d let them in?

He remembered waking then, when she returned to bed after letting them in. He’d had no idea what was happening, just that she’d been gone, and come back. At first, he had let himself believe she’d simply gone… perhaps to relieve herself, and returned to bed then once she was finished. But when they had come under attack, when he realized where the attack was coming from, he’d known. Even if she had denied it, he would have already known the truth. He just couldn’t say, now, if he’d have done anything different if she’d denied it. How badly would he have wanted to forgive her? What would he have done to make himself believe her?

He swallowed hard as he thought about that, and took a deep breath in, before letting it out. “Do we trust each other?” he asked his wife, glancing over at her. She looked different like this, her hair pulled up into a ponytail- two of them, actually, one on top of the other- an almost skintight suit on, black and red in colour, very light on any tactical gear. Which, he was not light on at all. But he didn’t have the same powers as she did.

Freydis looked back up at him. In any other situation, that would have been hard to answer. Years before, before anything went wrong, she’d have answered with a resounding ‘yes’. After her son’s death, it would have been a scornful ‘no’. But now? She swallowed hard and looked back at their target, and answered him simply, “We must.”

Not the best answer, he thought, but an understandable one. After all the water under the bridge, water he knew he had unleashed, it was almost unfair to ask Freydis to trust him. But he had to, under these circumstances. Because their lives were at stake now, both of them. Because… if they got this wrong, if they blew it, they’d both take the fall, and who knew how that might look? If they didn’t have each other’s backs in here, they’d lose the chance to have them back there. That much, they were both certain of.

He still nodded, and shifted into a better position to get a good, running start from. The thought was almost strange to him that he’d be running at his enemy this time, as opposed to riding at them in a chariot. Or, hobbling at them with a crutch. His first fight standing on his own two feet, with ‘no hands’, he figured he could say. It almost brought a bitter chuckle from him. Fighting in his life before death, and fighting in this new one. Apparently, he wasn’t ever the type to be afforded a break.

A determined look had set on Freydis’s face as she watched their target, a warehouse being guarded by a handful of agents. The real target, of course, was inside. They were told to take in a thumbdrive, which they had been then taught how to use, to download two specific files. That was the extent of their mission, and then they’d be ready for extraction. Get in, get the files, and get out.

As the set of guards in front of the building changed, Freydis got into a position Ivar hadn’t yet seen her use, and he lifted a brow. “On my mark,” she muttered. He nodded, and looked ahead. They both watched as the guards from before went inside, and the new set settled in, and even then, Freydis gave it a few moments, letting the old guards get completely unready to come back out and fight. As soon as she calculated the right amount of time had passed, she gave a sharp nod.

Ivar watched with wide eyes as she suddenly launched up into the air, red glowing energy pouring from her hands and propelling her up. He’d never seen her do that before, and he blinked a few times, before shaking out his shock and taking off at a full run. It was much faster than he’d seen anyone run before, when back in Kattegat, and so he propelled himself as quickly as he could through the snow, arriving just after Freydis who landed in front of him.

It was a solid landing, one he thought might have broken his body even now had he attempted it. She landed firmly on her feet, and the poor guards in front of her looked suddenly as if they’d seen a ghost. And of course they had- they’d been so focused on Ivar running at them that Freydis had essentially been in complete cover.

The guards pulled their guns then, and Freydis lifted a hand. They suddenly found that their guns wouldn’t fire, and one of them suddenly turned his gun on another of the guards. His eyes had turned a glowy, almost bloodshot red, the sight striking horror into their hearts. She had him entirely under her control. With no other option, they all levelled their guns on him. Freydis smirked.

“He won’t fire, if you let my partner in with no trouble,” she said. “We don’t want to cause a scene, don’t worry, we just have to collect something and we’ll be on our way, hmm?”

One of them nodded eagerly, and so Freydis nodded to Ivar, who then stepped inside the building. He was gone for a while, as Freydis simply stood there with the guards, holding the one, and the others watched her fearfully. “How’s your day going?” she asked, smirking at them.

“It was alright…” one answered, after a very pregnant pause. “Kind of intense now, though.”

Freydis hummed as she sought out the one who spoke with her eyes, and used her free hand to wave him over. He obeyed shakily. “What’s your name?” she questioned him.

“Stevens,” he said. “Um. Private- Private Stevens.”

“Your first name is Private?” she asked, tilting her head in such a way she was clearly asking for his full name.

“No,” he answered. “It’s Roger.”

“Roger Stevens,” she said then, and nodded. “What is your worst fear, Roger?”

“Well, before today, probably something different,” he answered her honestly. “But, now, it’s um, it’s that.” He pointed to the man still under her control.

“Being under my control?” Freydis asked. He nodded shakily. “You won’t be. Not as long as this goes well. Tell me, who do you work for?”

“British Secret Intelligence, ma’am,” he answered.

“And what are you guarding, Roger?”

“Um, I’m not sure. They don’t tell us that much at this level. We just aren’t supposed to let anyone in.”

“And what will happen to you now that you have?”

He swallowed, and shifted on his feet. “Might get in trouble,” he answered. “We’ll have to report it. So.. yeah, maybe a few demerits or something, I don’t really know.”

Freydis lifted a brow. “Demerits?” she asked. “What is that?”

“Basically a bad mark on our file, we get too many and there’s disciplinary action. We can work them off, though. Or trade them out for merits, we get enough of those.”

She blinked a few times, looking back toward the building where Ivar was. “So… they would not… do something horrible, if you fail?”

“What?” the man asked. “‘Course not. They’re strict, but they aren’t evil.”

They aren’t evil…

Those words made something sink in Freydis’s chest, and she gave a small nod. “Thank you, Private,” she said. He could tell she seemed a little off now, and he lifted a brow, but didn’t say anything as he walked back to his position.

She was quiet, until Ivar returned, and even then, she wasn’t quite right as she released the one guard, and they walked away. “Did you get what we needed?” Freydis asked him.

“I did,” he answered, showing her the thumbdrive. She nodded.

“And deleted it from their systems?” This time, Ivar nodded. “Good. We should be alright, then.”

Ivar looked at her with a concerned expression. “Freydis…?” he began, and she looked up at him, swallowing and shaking her head. Don’t ask, she seemed to say, and Ivar nodded slowly. For the rest of their walk, silence reigned.

By the time they returned to their apartment, Freydis was still off. Neither Dr. Schmidt nor Professor Andersen had noticed anything, but Freydis had been Ivar’s wife for many years now, even if they’d been separated for a majority of that time, and he knew her better than she thought he did. She may have asked him to tell her the specific things, things like her favorite colors, or her favorite drinks, and maybe he hadn’t been able to answer her, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t observed her, closely, for well over a year in close quarters. He knew how to tell when something was bothering her now, far better than anyone else.

Some quiet part of himself, a part he wished was quieter than it was, began to question if she was dissatisfied with him again, or even angry with him, even though he could think of nothing he might have done to cause that concern. He supposed that was just left over from being blindsided before by her turning against him, and the realization he should have seen that coming from thirty miles off.

As soon as they were alone, Ivar asked her, “What is bothering you?” She didn’t answer, not aloud, but walked to him and put her hands up to the sides of his face. The same energy which had shot her across a field began to leak from her fingers, seeping into his mind. He let his eyes slip shut as this happened, and when they opened, he and Freydis were stood once more in Kattegat. He blinked a few times, remembering how she had done this once before, and his heart began to pound. Was this going to be another showing of his fears? Or would this be something else? He hoped, something better.

There was a slight bit of hope that actually did come to him when he realized they both appeared exactly as they had in their apartment. So… nothing yet that he was afraid of. What was this, then?

“I could not risk us being overheard,” Freydis told Ivar. “There are still cameras in our apartment, but in our minds, they cannot hear us. We are safe here, and we can talk.”

Ivar blinked a few times in confusion. “What do you want to talk about that they cannot overhear?” he questioned her.

With a deep breath, she answered, “I think something is very wrong here. When we were on that mission, I spoke with one of the agents who was guarding the building. I was trying to keep them intimidated and occupied, and I asked what their leaders would do when it was reported they had been robbed, and…” She paused, shifting uncomfortably. “It was nothing like what would have been done to us, had we failed.”

“It was better?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Far better. ‘Disciplinary action’, not being taken away from the only person you know, and locked in a cell alone as opposed to the apartment you share with that person.”

Ivar sighed. “Was I ever this cruel?” he asked her. “In Kattegat?”

Freydis swallowed. “I don’t know,” she said. “You… did kill people who you believed had committed treason against you, which is less cruel than what would be done to us for messing up, but you also would not need much proof there had been treason, before you would kill someone for it. Not to mention, Baldur, but even that you saw as mercy. So ultimately? I think you were not so cruel as this, even if you could have been perceived to be.”

Ivar sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “How do you not hate me, now?” he asked her. “I know, you say you had that vision, that it showed you we should be fought for, but how was that enough to erase the pain?”

“It erased nothing,” she confessed. “The pain was still there, I just saw that there could be something when the pain subsided. It is…” She paused, and gave a small chuckle. “Like having a baby. There is a lot of pain, in the hardest part, but then you are happier than you have ever been, holding your child. I think it is the same here. There was a lot of pain, there still is, sometimes, but the healing is happening. At least, I feel it, anyway.”

Ivar looked at her again in shock. Of all things he’d expected in this space, this confession was far from one of them. “You feel that we are healing?” he asked her, and she nodded.

“I do,” she said, and when he tilted his head, seeming about to ask her something, Freydis sighed gently and made her way over to him. She rested her hands against his chest, and his hands immediately came up to cup her cheeks.

It was like a flash from their shared history, and he realized why just as soon as she did. They had stood this way, exactly, when he killed her. 

Ivar swallowed as he thought of this, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks gently, and she leaned into his touch. “We’ve been here before,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “The day I…”

“I know,” she replied just as softly. “I know, Ivar. But you won’t do that again. I know you, you won’t.”

“I did once, though,” he reminded her. “I killed you, I killed our son, I… I was horrible to you. How can you stand here now and think I won’t do these things again, hmm?” 

“Because I can see you have changed,” she said. “Before, you would have never confessed to these things, never shown remorse. But you do now. And when I look at you, I don’t see the man who killed Baldur, who killed me. I see a good man. I see my husband.”

Ivar swallowed hard, closing his eyes, and he leaned into her touch despite himself when he felt her hands on his cheeks. “How?” he asked, his voice breaking under the emotion, the ache in his chest. “How do you…?”

“You could have killed me many times over, Ivar, since we have been here,” she told him honestly. “And even so, I can sense you are a changed man. This is what my vision said, that I needed to fight myself for you. And do you know? I think I have finally won.”

“What do you mean you have won?” Ivar asked.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest, somehow terrified to hear her answer. But all the fear and pain in the world, all the love and healing in the world, could not have prepared him for what she said.

“I forgive you.”

He fell apart in her arms, clinging to her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, sliding her fingers through his hair. He didn’t deserve this, he told himself. He knew he didn’t. And yet, here she was, holding him and whispering words of encouragement, soothing words to him as he sobbed into her shoulder. 

“I love you, Freydis,” he sobbed out. “I love you.”

“I know,” she replied. “I know, Ivar, my love. I know. I love you, too.”

Ivar blinked a few times, and they had returned to his apartment, and he was looking down into her eyes, still glowing red as the magic flowed back into her, releasing them from that place they had gone. As soon as her eyes cleared, Ivar took her face between his hands, and he kissed his wife. He kissed her with all the love he had for her, pent up over years and years of knowing what he had done, hating himself for it always. But now, she was here, she was real, and she loved him still. 

Forgiveness. Can you imagine?

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