#another scientist character to my collection

[novaloo]

"Life fleets so lightly, that it can't flee too far"

"I feel elation mixed with fear. Nobody has ever tried, or at least I don't know of such practices, to construct a mechanism this complex, controlled by a bionic computer."

Photo closeups under the cut

[stygeanbluebasilsprout]

Sarkash: mad engineer, mad architect, experimental physicist in a field that should not be experimental, plural, plant parent, night owl, bass player when they need to unwind, pain in the ass full time

[dancingtotuyo]

6. play my bloody part

Woman | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: You take another step forward. Maria goes into Labor.

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (Reader is 42, Joel is 56). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: angst, needles, blood, discussions of selfworth, grief (loss of a spouse), childbirth, graphic descriptions of childbirth, traumatic child birth, hemorrhage, likely very bad medical practices (don't try this at home folks, I am not a medical professional), shock, trauma, anxiety

This chapter is intense!

Notes: Thank you to @janaispunkand @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin for beta reading this! I appreciate all your comments and feedback, and I love you both so much!

Words: 5507

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

Ellie stops by the clinic a few days later. She stays relatively quiet as you gather supplies. Her eyes track your movements as she swings her legs back and forth from her place on the exam table. You’re not used to her being so quiet.

“Hold out your arm for me?” You give her a reassuring smile.

She listens but seems half a world away. You find a vein with quick precision, letting the blood drip into a glass vial. Your eyes flicker from the collecting blood to her face. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Oh…” she says. “I guess- why did you agree to do this?”

You cock your head to the side, twisting the top on the vial before you press a cotton ball to the inside of Ellie’s elbow. “You asked. I could at least look at it.”

You press her arm up to hold the cotton there. “Even though you think there’s no point.”

“I never said that.”

Ellie looks you dead in the eye, expression flat. “You thought it. Joel thinks-”

“What does Joel know?” You twist your face, winking at her. A faint smile flashes over her face. “I’m the medical professional here.”

“He talked to Marlene.”

“And Marlene was a doctor? A nurse?”

“No… at least I don’t think so.”

“See, what does she know?” You smile. This time, Ellie actually smiles back. “Now, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you ask me to do this?”

Ellie bites her lip. “I mean if there’s any chance, I have to try right? People could stop dying from this.”

“It’s not your responsibility, you know.”

“What?”

“To save the world.” You say. “It’s not your responsibility.”

“But I’m immune.”

“It’s okay to want to help.” You place the vial in a holder on the counter. The crimson red stands at stark contrast to the sterile-looking clinic. 

“I have to help. I have to do something.” Ellie can’t meet your eyes. “It can’t be for nothing.”

“What can’t be?” You tilt your head to the side. 

Ellie clenches her fist. Her typically assured demeanor is gone, making her look more like the 15-year-old she is. “Ellie?”

She takes a deep, shaky breath, lip quivering slightly. She doesn’t cry, waiting until she’s more assured to answer. “A lot of people died for me. It can’t be in vain.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” She’s quick to answer, looking away.

“That’s okay.” You nod slowly. “But Ellie?”

There’s a pause. She sighs deeply. You can see the tears glistening in her eyes now. She’s fighting so hard to keep it all together. “Yeah?”

“Those people, they made a choice to do that. From what Joel’s told me, it sounds like they did that without even asking you first.” 

“What do you mean?”

You hold out a hand in front of her arm, the one with the bites on it. She’s hesitant at first but eventually lets it rest in your palm. You look over the raised skin where the tendrils of fungus are or were. You’re not sure if they’re still there, or if her body just stopped the progression of them. “You get to decide what happens to you, Ellie. Just because you’re immune doesn’t mean doctors or scientists or whatever form of power gets to make decisions for you.” She meets your eyes. You squeeze her hand. “You don’t owe the world anything for just existing.”

She chews on her lip, making you worry that she might draw blood. Her voice is quiet like she’s scared to say the words. “What good am I if there’s no cure?”

“Ellie.” Your heart breaks for her. You want to gather her in your arms and push all the bad thoughts away. You settle for squeezing her hand again “Your value isn’t tied to your immunity. You’re worth something simply because you exist.”

She tries to brush you off, pull away, and not look at you, but you keep a grip on her hand. “Look at me.” You’re stern. She hesitates but listens. You take a deep breath. “I don’t know if it means much coming from me, but you belong here. Here in Jackson, here in the world. You’re not a bother or an inconvenience, and yes, it sucks that we can’t do anything with your immunity, but that’s not your weight to bear. You understand?”

Her chest quivers. She manages a nod as a couple of tears fall from her eyes. You wipe them away. “And you will always, always, always, have a place in my home. Just waltz right in and I’ll set a plate.”

A small laugh falls from her lips. 

“Okay?”

“Okay.” She agrees, a small smile beginning to take over her face. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” You smile back. “Now, what do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still want me to look at it?” You tilt your head toward the vial of blood sitting on the counter. 

She stares at it for a minute, contemplating the answers. “Maybe another day? I’ll let you know.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

You move away, disposing of the vial. You’re not sure how much weight your words hold, but you feel a little proud of her decision. 

“Are you going to the dance tonight?”

“I guess.” She shrugs. “Dina and Jesse say I have to.”

“Good. You should.”

“Are you and Joel going?”

“Adam beat Joel in Texas Hold ‘Em last night and is making him go.” You laugh a little at the begrudging attitude Joel met you with last night, but a bet is a bet.

“I bet you could get him to dance.”

You laugh a little, images you’d conjured up in your childhood bedroom spring into your mind. They were the daydreams of teenage delusions, but there’s still a little dip of excitement in your stomach at the thought. 

And then you sober up. “I’m not going.”

“If Joel and I are going, you have to come.”

You force a smile. “I don’t go to them anymore.”

“Oh, come on. I bet you’re a great dancer.”

“It’s not about the dancing.” 

“What is it about then?” Ellie wears that goofy little prying grin that’s nothing no short of pure curiosity. If Joel were here. You imagine he’d say her name sternly and give her a look. 

You sigh, keeping a tight smile on your face. “It was something my husband really enjoyed. I haven’t gone since he died.”

“Oh,” Ellie says as the energy shifts. 

“It’s okay, Ellie.” You brush it off. It’s not her fault, and you didn’t have to answer. 

She hesitates, and then she knocks into you, arms flying around your torso, knocking the wind from your abdomen. It takes you by surprise, but it’s a good one. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

And then she’s across the room, grabbing her backpack off the exam table. You can’t help but laugh, wondering how she’s managed to hold onto all that wonder and spunk.  

“You should still come tonight!” Ellie calls before the clinic door slams shut, leaving you with only your thoughts. 

You drop Carter off with Tommy while you walk that night. Maria is on strict bed rest with her due date fast approaching, making them two of only four people not crowded into the Tipsy Bison. You expect to cry on your walk, expect to feel all the emotions that keep you away from the dances, but it doesn’t come even as you round the corner, passing the building that’s overflowing with energy. 

Light flickers across the dimly lit street from moving bodies. The doors and windows are open to let the breeze filter through. A few people congregate outside on the patio with boisterous laughter and animated movements. A couple of folks stumble about, already intoxicated. You stop in your tracks, taking it all in. In the past, you’ve doubled back to forgo passing the festivities, but things are different now. Maybe… maybe you’re a little bit different now too. 

Then you feel it, almost physically, like someone is pressing on your back, leading you toward the door. The people outside don’t pay you much mind, too caught up in their own worlds. The noise grows louder until you’re inside the Tipsy Bison’s doors.

You pass through the room slowly, almost invisible at first. Then you find him, laughing at the bar with Adam. He’s relaxed. An empty whiskey glass sits in front of him and a full one in his hand. He makes a comment to Adam that earns a playful roll of his eyes. He chuckles, shaking his head as he pulls the glass to his lips. His head cocks to the side. Before his lips make contact with the glass, his eyes lock with yours. He stills, a smile crossing his face. He tips the glass toward you and finishes it off. Then, he’s walking toward you with a determination that makes your insides melt and your toes curl in your boots.

His lips dip to your ear. His voice is low and smooth. “I thought you weren’t comin, Darlin.” His Texas drawl is stronger tonight, not helping the heat that grows in your belly. it sends wicked thoughts through your mind. 

You shrug, almost careless about it, but he sees the heat in your eyes. It burns in his too. “Plans change.”

His hand slides around your waist, landing just above your hips. “I like it when your plans change.”

You bite your lip, fighting the urge to pull him out of here and into your bed. “Dance with me?”

A grin spreads across his face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

He pulls you toward the dance floor. The crowd of bodies seems to part like the Red Sea before you, not that your mind can focus on anyone but Joel. He tugs you close as the band starts their rendition of My Girl. Your arms slide around his shoulders, body flush against him. He smiles at you. It’s like something out of a high school movie. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” 

He kisses your forehead, and then your head falls to his chest, eyes blinking closed. It feels like such a sacred moment, it’s hard to believe you’re in a room full of people. Joel sways on beat to the music, humming along. It reminds you of the faint singing that used to drift through your bedroom window at night when he would sit out on his front porch with his guitar and the stars. You spent countless hours sitting under an open window listening to him when you fostered that crush, imagining him singing to you. 

You never imagined you’d be in his arms at the end of the world, in front of the whole town no less, as you fight your growing feelings for him. It sends a kick-start to your system. Not enough to raise a panic attack, or for onlookers to notice, but Joel feels it in the way your muscles tense and your body straightens in his arms. Your eyes pop open and you catch it- the rumor mill turning. Whispers pass behind shielded hands between pairs throughout the room. Some of them are audacious enough to make contact with you or send a wink your way.

Joel’s breath hits your ear again. “Wanna give them something to really talk about, Sweetheart?”

You look up at him, brows furrowed. He stops swaying, both hands cupping your cheeks. Your breath catches. It feels like the whole room’s does, and then his lips are on you, hot and searing and nowhere near chaste. Joel Miller never struck you as the PDA type, but this feels like more. He’s staking his claim on you, telling them all to shove it. Everyone is here. Everyone can see what’s happening for themselves. For all intents and purposes, this is the night Joel Miller becomes yours in the eyes of the community. You’re off limits, and so is he, and it feels good. There are no words, no spoken acknowledgment of anything, just his actions. 

He pulls away, leaving you slightly stunned and hazy. He chuckles. Spinning you around and then pulling you in as the song ends. People clap around you, for the band of course, but you can only look at Joel with a smile that shines like crystal. 

Another song starts back up. Another wave of people join the dance floor. People seem disinterested in the very thing that held them captive moments ago. Joel looks like he is two seconds away from dragging you out of the bar as you stare at each other, unmoving. 

Tommy runs in, breath ragged and hair a mess. His eyes dart around until they land on you. He calls your name, running toward you. “Tommy, what’s wrong?”

“Maria’s in labor.”

Whatever trance Joel put you under is gone as years of experience snap into place. You turn to him. “Will you grab my clinic key and get the green bag?”

“Of course.” Joel nods and then Tommy grabs your hand, dragging you to the house. Ellie and Joel are not far behind. 

Maria is pacing the guest room when you get there, letting out small groans. Like everything else, Maria handles childbirth with grace and dignity- something you wish you could’ve done. 

You shake the memories from Carter’s birth from your mind. It’s mostly a blur- what you remember from that day haunts you. You were a mess- inconsolable. There was no grace or dignity in it. 

“How far apart are your contractions?”

“Hello to you too.” She pops a smile. Your tight lips don’t budge. She sighs. “About three minutes.”

“Three minutes? Maria!”

She waves you off. “You were never more than two minutes away.”

“We agreed on five.”

“I changed my mind.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re a shit patient.”

“I’ve been on bed rest for two weeks, have I not?”

You quirk an eyebrow. She may not have left the house, but you’re not convinced she was following the rest of your instructions. 

She waves you off like it’s nothing. “I heard you were at the Tipsy Bison.”

You shoot her a glare. “You are literally on the verge of having a baby, Maria. My social life is unimportant.”

“I can still talk in labor.”

“Not about this.”

“Oh come on, I’m going to be here all night. Might as well entertain me.” She grins. 

“No. Now let me check your cervix.”

Maria sighs, sitting on the bed. “I think we’re too close as friends.”

Maria’s labor moves quickly. Before midnight, the baby is crowning. You’re coaching Maria through it as Tommy stays by her side, offering what support he can. Maria lets out low moans as she works through contractions, bearing down when you say. Sweat dampens her brow. She’s tired but determined. “How much longer?”

You meet her eyes, giving her an encouraging smile. “You’re almost there. One or two more, Okay?”

She nods, and then another contraction hits. You feel them in your hands, guiding the newest member of Jackson, Wyoming into the world. There’s a long pause, there always is, you never get used to it, you’re quick to clear airways, and then he takes a deep breath, and tiny little wails fill the room.

Relief fills Maria’s eyes and looks of awe and wonder fill the couple’s faces. You can’t help but let out a joyful little laugh. “It’s a boy.”

You place him on Maria’s chest. The proud parents crowd around him, their voices softening, pitching up as they soak in their first moments of a family of three. 

“Tommy, you wanna cut the cord?”

He nods. You show him where to do it, and then he’s right back at Maria’s side, caressing his son’s head. 

“He’s got so much hair,” Tommy says. Tears gather in the new parents’ eyes. 

You’re quiet as you tidy up. Before you slip out, Maria grabs your hand. “Thank you.”

You smile at your best friend. “Of course. Anything for y’all.” She squeezes your hand and you return the gesture. “I’ll give you a few minutes and then be back in to finish up.”

She nods. You wash your hands in the hall bathroom, shedding the soiled apron you wear. Joel greets you when you come out. He raises his eyebrows. “I heard crying, and it sure as hell wasn’t Tommy.”

You laugh. “It’s a boy.”

You see Joel’s happiness for his brother on his face before the big smile ever crosses it. He wraps his arms around you. You lean in, laying your head on his chest. His heart beats beneath your ear steady as a drum. The stress you’ve been carrying for months over this day starts to dissipate from your body. It’s here. He’s here. It happened. You made it through. 

Tommy peaks his head out. “Maria says she’s ready for you.”

You nod. Joel kisses your head and you pull away, warm energy thrumming in your veins. Maria looks almost annoyed when she sees you, knowing what’s coming. 

“He have a name yet?”

“No,” Tommy looks pointedly at his wife. “She swore we were having a girl. Wouldn’t even discuss boys’ names.”

Maria rolls her eyes, making you laugh. “Tommy, go make yourself useful and get me some water.” 

“Yes, Ma’am.” Tommy chuckles, the grin unwipable from his face. His hand runs over his son’s head before he leaves. 

Maria shifts slightly, careful not to disturb the sleeping infant at her side. She lets out a soft hiss.”

“You good?”

“Yeah, you know how it is. Pretty sure the placenta is already out.”

You nod, kneeling at the end of the bed. You’re relieved to see the placenta delivered, fully intact. There’s some bleeding, but no more than what you’d expect. Another relief. “We should get Tommy in here to move you back to your room. How do fresh sheets sound?”

“Like a slice of heaven.” She smiles. 

You move Maria to their room, Tommy sweeping her into his arms like a groom would carry his wife on their wedding night. They throw baby names back and forth as they cross the hall. You carry the baby, swaddled and sleeping. Once he’s tucked into his mother’s arms, you set to work cleaning up. It’s always the hardest part as the adrenaline fades from your bones. Tommy and Maria’s bickering floats across the hallways as you do, making you laugh. This baby may never get named at the rate they’re going. 

The first time Tommy calls out your name. It doesn’t register. The second time is much more urgent and he’s in the doorway of the guest room. He’s gone pale, breathing heavily. 

Your stomach drops. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s bleedin. It’s soaked through the towel.”

“Shit.” You drop what’s in your hand, grabbing your bag of supplies. 

Tommy is at Maria’s side. You lift the blanket and your heart drops. You glance back up at Maria. She looks tired. You’d expect it, but this feels different. “How do you feel?”

“Like I just had a baby.” She tries to joke, but it falls flat. She knows this is bad too. “A little lightheaded.”

There’s another gush of blood. A clot that’s bigger than it should be. “Fuck, Fuck, fuck.” Your breathing turns ragged. There’s too much blood and more appears bringing another large clot with it. She’s hemorrhaging. 

“What should I do?” Tommy asks. He’s panicking. 

“Go get Joel.” Tommy tries to protest. You cut him off. “Get Joel back in here.” You leave no room for debate, but he still hesitates. “Now!” 

He finally listens. Maria locks eyes with you. She knows. You see the fear in her eyes, and it knocks the breath out of you. You’ve never seen Maria scared. She’s always so sure and sturdy, but not now. Her skin has gone dull, losing its typical vibrance, like the life is slowly draining from her.  You want to sit on the floor and weep, but you have to push through. “Deep breaths, Maria. I need you to stay as calm as possible.”

You dig through your bag, pulling out everything you need. 

Joel is barely across the threshold when you direct him to the chair next to the bed. He doesn’t have time to ask questions. He knows it’s best not to. “You promise you’re O negative?”

“Yes, why?” He hardly gets the words out before you clean his arm with high-proof moonshine and insert the needle in his vein. He winces. You’re efficient, ensuring there’s no air in the tube before inserting the other end into Mari’s arm. You glance down at your watch, noting the time. 

“Keep your arm elevated. If you start to get dizzy, you tell me.” You’re stern. You leave no room for argument. Joel watches as his blood flows through the short plastic tube connected to Maria. 

You have no idea if this will work. She’s probably losing blood too fast and the risk of complications looms in your mind, but you’ve never had someone survive a hemorrhage like this before. It’s your only hope and you will do everything within your power to keep Maria on this earth. 

Maria stays as quiet as she can. She’s focused on her son, memorizing everything about him, so you focus on saving her life. 

“What’s happening?” Tommy stays in the doorway. You don’t turn around. You can’t stop what you’re doing. You have to stop the bleeding. It’s the only thing on your mind now. “Tell me what’s happening to my wife!”

“She’s trying to save your wife’s life!” Joel snaps. “Let her do her job.”Joel keeps his eyes pinned to you. 

“Tommy,” Maria says. “Come here.” Her voice is weak and raspy. You have to push it out of your mind. If you don’t, you’ll break. You can’t break right now. 

Tommy kneels next to Maria and his son. He’s caressing both their heads. You’re sure he’s crying. You’re not convinced you’re not crying too, but you’re too preoccupied to take stock of it. 

You know when she goes unconscious, but you don’t hear anything from Tommy. The room is so silent as you rotate between massaging Maria’s uterus and packing it. You’re running out of semi-sterile material. Has the bleeding slowed down? How long has this been going on? It feels like a lifetime. You can’t spare a second to look at your watch. 

Joel’s arm drops a little. It’s getting tired. “Keep your arm higher than her head.” You spare a look at Joel only because it pertains to Maria’s health. “Stand if you have to, but slowly.” 

The blood loss appears to be slowing down, but you don’t. You keep going and going and going, until you’re sure it’s stopped. Then, you just sit there and wait. Tommy wants to demand answers, but Joel glares him into silence. 

You dare you to step back. You’re on autopilot, the adrenaline wearing off long ago. You check her heartbeat and her blood pressure. Neither is great, but it could be worse. You dare to hope you’ve seen the worst of it. 

Joel stumbles forward a little bit, catching himself on the bed frame. 

“Shit.” You rush over to his side, guiding him back into the chair. 

“I'm fine, I’m fine.” He brushes you off, making sure his arm is still raised. You see the shake of it. 

You check your watch. It takes you longer than it should to do the math. “Fuck, you’ve been hooked up for too long.” 

Joel stops your hand before it can pull. “No, no. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You’re done.” 

“No, Maria… she’s not awake yet… she-” Tommy stands up.

“She’s not waking up.” You face him.

 He loses any color he has left, panic-stricken across his face. “What?”

“Fuck,” you cringe. “I mean tonight, Tommy. She’s not waking up tonight. She needs to rest.”

“So she’s going to be okay?” 

You want to assure him. You look at their newborn baby sleeping in the bassinet in the corner. You don’t know when he was moved and it doesn’t matter. You want to promise Tommy that he’s not going to be a widower, that their son won’t be motherless, but you can’t. 

“I don’t think she’s going to die from blood loss anymore.”

It’s a small assurance, but it’s all you have to give. When you attempt to remove the needle from Joel’s arm this time, he lets you. The bandage feels so delicate and small compared to the trauma you just dealt with. You struggle with it. Joel takes over for you. 

“You need food, something to drink,” you say. 

“I’ll get it,” Joel says. 

You push him back into the chair. “You’re in no condition to walk downstairs.”

“Neither are you.” He says, eyes traveling over your frame. 

You furrow your brow. You don’t understand. You don’t see or feel the blood that dresses you, not yet 

“Ellie!” Joel yells. 

It’s a stark contrast to the quiet encapsulating the room. You hear her footsteps up the stairs. She enters, eyes going wide. She surmised something wasn’t right, but the copious amounts of blood are startling. “Holy shit.”

“Will you bring up some food? Water?” Joel looks to you to confirm. 

“Fruit.” 

Joel nods. “And then take Carter home?”

“I should-” you go to say. 

“No.” Joel cuts you off. He takes your hand, thumb running over your knuckles. “Not tonight.” 

Ellie nods. She knows now is not the time for the many questions running through her mind. “Yeah, of course.” 

Tommy clears his throat, still searching for answers. You sigh. “I can’t promise anything, Tommy. There’s still so much that could happen, but she’s strong.” 

“I know how strong my wife is. I need to know that she’ll be okay.” He’s still pushy and you don’t blame him. You’re all on edge. 

“I don’t know!” The world blurs before you. “The risk of infection is high, she- she could have complications from-” Your chest rattles. Joel’s hand settles on your back. Tommy can’t look at you. “She’s my best friend, Tommy. I’m doing everything I can.”

Tommy nods. He knows it’s true, but he’s scared. This is Maria. She keeps Jackson going. She keeps you going. 

Ellie brings up the food. She wants to do more, you can see it in her eyes. You can’t pull the words out anymore. 

“Thank you, kiddo,” Joel says. 

Ellie makes a face at the name. She shoves a strawberry in Joel’s face. “Eat this, you look like a ghost.” 

“Carter?” You ask.

“Passed out on the couch,” Ellie smiles proudly. You need the relief, you just hate that the 15-year-old bears that responsibility. “Glad he’s potty trained.” 

“Thank you, Ellie.” 

She nods at you. There’s some hesitation like she might wrap her arms around you for a second time that day. Was that really only hours ago? But she ducks out of the room instead. 

You make sure Tommy and Joel eat. You’re amazed that the newborn still sleeps. His chest rises and falls and from your check-up, he seems to be healthy. You check Maria’s blood pressure and heart rate again. It hasn’t gotten worse. 

You clean up as best you can without jostling Maria too much. Tommy joins in, working silently alongside you. Much to his displeasure, you make Joel stay seated. It’s another long silence before you’re finished. 

“Sweetheart, you need to go home.”

You’re dead on your feet. Your arms feel like lead at your sides. It’s so apparent in all of your movements, but you don’t feel like you can leave her side. Fear flares up in Tommy’s eyes and then he takes in your appearance. 

“He’s right,” Tommy says. 

You intend to put up a fight, but it doesn’t happen. You feel the exhaustion in every fiber of your being. You’re not sure you won’t collapse at any minute. 

You pull out a bottle of antibiotics. Maria would hitch a fit you know, but you don’t care. You’ll do anything you can to make sure she recovers, and you can’t keep the medicine forever. It’s going to be fancy water eventually if it isn’t already. You hand the bottle to Tommy with careful instructions. “If her breathing changes, or she starts bleeding, come get me immediately.” 

He nods. “Of course.”

“We’ll stop at Paul and Lindsey’s, she’s still breastfeeding. Little man is going to want to eat any minute.” 

Tommy nods. Joel’s arms come around you, supporting you from behind. Your legs attempt to fold but you regain your balance with his help. Glancing between Tommy and Maria, the urge to stay inflames again, but Joel is leading you out of their home before you have time to comprehend it. 

He leaves you on the front steps, approaching Paul and Linsey’s on his own. You’re worried about him, sure he gave too much of his blood tonight, but he comes back a few minutes later.

Joel leads you through your house. You want to collapse into bed at first sight, but he tugs you back. “Shower first.”

The small protest dies on your lips the moment you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. You look like you have stepped out of a horror film. You don’t even recognize yourself. Blood, Maria’s blood, coats your shirt and arms. Smudges streak your cheeks. Some of it’s in your hair. It’s endless. Your body begins to shake. You don’t think it’ll ever stop. You lean against the vanity for a semblance of stability. It’s useless. You stare at it all, taking it in, but it doesn’t look like you. It’s like you’re in some faraway space floating around, not connected to your body.

Joel tears your shirt down the back. He’s quick and gentle about it. Your bra is next. He slips off your shoes and then your pants until you’re completely naked. Steam fills the room. Blood soaked through your clothes in some places, painting your skin like modern art. Joel backs you into the shower with ease. You’re pliable, muscles turned to liquid. 

Hot water cascades over your body, flooding your eyes. It’s suffocating until Joel pushes your hair out of your face, redirecting the water with his hands. His fingers massage at your scalp over and over. He adds soap to your hair, pulling it through until the grime and blood are gone. 

There are no noises, no tears, but you can’t stop the shaking. You must look pitiful standing under the water like a limp doll as you lose control of your body. 

Joel scrubs your body clean, and then he does it a second time for good measure. When he finishes, his fingers trail up your arms and neck until he cups your cheeks firmly. Your eyes finally focus on his, pulling you back into yourself with a thud. You feel it all at once, his hands on you, the rawness on your skin, the hot water pounding down on you. Joel sees it happen, his hands slide under your arms as your knees give way. The tears fall. Your back hits the cool tiles. Joel presses against your front, keeping you up. 

Finally, tears wet your cheeks. Sobs leave your chest, and your brain spirals through it all: Maria okay one minute and bleeding out the next. The fact that it stopped was little comfort now. So much could still go wrong, and you can’t lose Maria. She’s your rock, probably the only reason you’re alive today. Losing her would be harder than losing Gabe. 

If she dies, it’s your fault because you couldn’t save her.

Your chest constricts with a tight, wheezing inhale. The tears stop as you struggle to breathe. Joel takes your hand, laying it over his chest. “Breathe, I’ve got you, Sweetheart.” 

He models it. You see and feel the slow rise and fall of his chest. His hand stays over yours until the ache in your chest eases and the water runs cold. 

Joel picks you up, tugs a soft shirt over your head, and crawls into bed behind you. He’s solid and warm against your back. You’re locked against him. His fingers dance across your stomach, lips brush against your ear. You lean into him. In such a short time, he’s come to know you so well. Maria is your rock, but Joel is your support. He tore down your walls like cheap construction and built a fucking shelter to keep you warm. You let your brain take you away before the rest of it can sink in because loving Joel Miller would be wonderful, but losing him would kill you.  

He whispers in your ear. “What do you want?” 

Your eyes won’t stay open anymore between the exhaustion and Joel clouding your senses. 

“Stay,” you fumble out. You don’t know if it’s decipherable but it works. 

For the first time, Joel stays the night in your bed. 

[in1-nutshell]

I'm gonna try again tfp team prime with a bot Buddy who has a concerning interest in poison. 😅 And now i'm beginning to annoy myself

Hello there! Don't worry about asking again, I'm just not well versed in some things that's all. Still glad you asked though! Since you did not specify which characters you wanted I will be selecting them at random.

Hope you enjoy!

Ratchet, Wheeljack, and Ultra Magnus reaction to Bot Buddy who is fascinated with poison

SFW, Platonic, talks of poison, Cybertronian/ Bot reader

TFP

Ratchet

Ratchet has known Buddy for a while. As in before the war started, before their interest in poison.

Buddy used to be a good doctor that helped him from time to time in his makeshift clinic. They were always experimenting with new forms of medicine to treat patients. It could have been medicine for a mesh wound to try to find a cure for the rust plague.

It was during the war that they had found an interest in poison.

Ratchet wouldn't see Buddy again until they crash landed on Earth. To say it was a pleasant surprise was an understatement.

"Ratchet? Ratchet is that you my friend?"--Buddy

"Buddy?! By the Allspark it's great to see you online."--Ratchet

"Likewise my friend. Now tell me, what do you need?"--Buddy

"Any help at this point would be nice, truly. "--Ratchet

"Well it's a good thing I brought my kits! Don't worry this war will be over in no time now!"--Buddy

"You still have the kits?! I thought they were destroyed in your lab back on Kimia."--Ratchet

"Kits? Ratchet what are they talking about?"--Bulkhead

"An explanation would be nice."--Arcee

"Buddy has a gift for medicine... And other things..."--Ratchet

"Oh Ratchet you make it sound like a bad thing. To answer your question, my dear Wrecker, I specialize in poisons and venoms of all sorts! Pretty exciting don't you think?"--Buddy

"... I'm just going to be over there..."--Bulkhead

While Ratchet isn't exactly thrilled with the idea of Buddy handling any type of poison, he has to admit that they do get the job done.

Buddy is often seen in their little corner of the base or near the consoles discussing things with Ratchet.

Wheeljack

Wheeljack knew Buddy from the Wrecker's. Like him, Buddy was a former scientist before the war started.

The two of them went together faster than a house on fire. One was never too far from the other, and if they were something was going to explode.

There was a huge explosion the day that the two had gotten separated.

Years later Buddy found a strange signal coming from a planet called Earth. They decided to go and check it out. Who knows if they would find more poisonous things for their kits?

They didn't find any poison yet, but they did find Ultra Magnus, Bulkhead, and Wheeljack.

"Wheeljack! Bulkhead! Ultra Magnus sir!"--Buddy

"Buddy?--Bulkhead

"Buddy?!"--Magnus

"Buddy!"--Wheeljack

"Wait how do we know if it's the real Buddy? We don't want another Makeshift problem."--Bulkhead

"Makeshift?"--Buddy

"True soldier. From what you told me we need to be on high alert in case this is a Decepticon."--Magnus

"Decepticon?"--Buddy

"It's Buddy I can tell."--Wheeljack

"How?"--Bulkhead

"There is only one bot crazy enough to carry that many kits labeled POISON like it's a collection of rocks."--Wheeljack

"Hey!"--Buddy

After the formal introductions are made, and Buddy gets to know Team Prime, they are once again attached to Wheeljack.

Wheeljack doesn't mind Buddy's fascination with poison. In fact he encourages it. The more Cons they can the better.

Ultra Magnus

Ultra Magnus knew Buddy as a new recruit for the Wrecker's medic.

How in the world they became friends?

Magnus doesn't have the right answer for that. It just happened.

He is well aware of Buddy's poisonous hobbies but he can't say they aren't benefiting from it. There have been multiple times where the Wrecker's would have been killed if not for Buddy's experiments.

Buddy had gotten separated from the Wrecker's during a rather gruesome battle. Magnus pushes his grief deep down so he could focus on leading his group.

Buddy gets reunited with Magnus when they literally crash into the IronWill.

"Identify yourself!"--Magnus

"Magnus? Ultra Magnus! I can tell how good it is to hear your voice my friend!"--Buddy

"Buddy?"--Magnus

"Sure is Commander! Might I say it again, it's good to hear your voice."--Buddy

Magnus gives Buddy the introduction to the team. He makes sure that Buddy doesn't feel isolated or left out. He knows how that feels.

It takes more time for the team to get used to the fact that Magnus has a best friend than Buddy playing around with poison.

[ralibo14]

TPN Brainrots part 1:

Another TPN manga panel redraw, but this time everyone goes down with me (because it's sad).

Also part one of my 'wonderful' tpn theories and head canons. It'll be long😅. There will be manga spoilers so please, read at your own risk😊.

First character I go through is... Ray.

He is one of the most complicated characters I ever saw (all tpn characters are, tbh). I always thought that people who have photographic memory are so lucky. Ray showed me that it's both a blessing and the curse.

Like in the picture above. You can clearly see that the first 2 kid waving at his direction. It's strange to know that there was a time when the Trio were one of the young kids and not the older ones. My first head canon is that Ray tried to save more kids, not just Emma and Norman when he was younger. When the blond haired boy leaves (first panel) he looks like he is about to cry (also the Trio is around 4 or 6) but when the other kids get 'adopted' Ray keeps his head low most of the frames (I'm convinced that when the second kid left he was already working as Isabella's spy.)

Ray coloration explained:

Purple eyes are self explanatory to me. I started draw him with purple eyes as soon as I found out he is Isabella's son. Purple in the hair and freckles? Well... I'm still very, very convinced that Leslie didn't die (at least not when he left the House). I always think about his situation, like what Norman got into with Lambda. The Ratri-clan is big but they need outsiders, to be soldiers, scientists, etc. And since girls from the Houses can only become Sisters and Moms... maybe some boys can become scientists and soldiers. (I can't believe I'm writing this but think about Andrew🤢... he was 100% not Ratri yet he could become an adult). So by this logic I believe Leslie could grow up too and (because I'm a sucker for happiness) he met Isabella again at some point.

Ray turning away:

On the second frame he is not looking at the girl who is leaving, but to the opposite direction. Why? Notice something else? Yes, Norman is missing too. Gilda has her winter jumper on so I figure Norman got sick again. Ray priorities his friends safety over everything else.

Also notice how Emma and Norman slowly get into the middle of the frame while Mom/Isabella get out of it? Pretty strong metaphor. It's the perfect example of 'Blood related family ≠ real family'. And while I'm a RayEmma shipper (obviously aged up version) I would never forget about Norman. He is as important to Ray as Emma. This Trio sticks together no matter what.

(older manga colouring ⬇️)

Now onto the hearth breaking stuff:

Ray's relationship with Isabella:

This deleted scene with Ray and Ayshe lives rent free in my head. Like there are two people with similar family situations and the one who lived int the middle of nowhere with a demon parent thinks positively about their parent, while the other, who grew up in a comfortable home like space with a human parent, thinks the opposite.

"But to me, she was always a monster"– Ray.

Like ufff... This sentence hits real hard. And it's low-key true from Ray perspective. He studied and read all the books in the House, not because he was interested, but because he had to. Norman is a genius, Emma learns real fast, Ray does everything he can to always get max points on his tests. But he also secretly planning his friends excape. Collects scraps of technology to build the device which makes them able to excape, plans his own 💀 carefully, so no one else will get hurt and on a top of that he is 'spying' for Isabella. Sacrifices people he wanted to protect. I can't imagine that inside panic when he didn't get max scores to that one test. I'm sure he was happy because Norman and Emma got their regular scores, but deep down he felt like he failed.

My head canon here is that Ray always gets nightmares if he is alone or in an unsafe place. And 'thanks' to his perfect memory his nightmares build up from actual memories (like we see that in the Seven Wall Arc). Also he doesn't get sick often but when he does... it's like a memory fuelled fever dream, with hallucinations and etc.

Ray's healing journey starts after the Jailbreak Arc. As soon as Mom is not around anymore, he ever so slowly starts to let down his guard and starts to show more and more emotions. His relationship with Yuugo/Mister is like a greatest archivment in his case. The playful, sarcastic 'arguments' and the way he openly said his opinion on things in front of Yuugo and Lucas. Shows how much he changed and opened up.

Isabella on the other hand... her change of heart and feelings were a mistery almost to the very end. To be honest I hated her most of the time, until the Back to Grace Field Arc. (Older manga colouring again⬇️😅)

Two things in this page which are very important.

1: Ray's guard is up again in no time, when he sees Isabella, while her emotionless mask is cracking. This is the first time we get a little inside of how she really feels about Ray.

2: Flashback of the two most important things that connects them. The song and the way they were forced to sacrifice others to stay alive.

The lullaby is very important, because it's calming and feels very intimate (like a normal parent-child relationship should be).

You also can't convince me otherwise that Ray didn't hummed this lullaby at least once in the B06-32 shelter to help the youngest kids fall asleep.

And now... onto the last picture. Their goodbye.

Saddest part ever! Never forgiving for this decision.

Ray and Isabella were never allowed to talk even two short sentences with each other without any consequences. In the House they had to play their assigned roles. Then they didn't see each other for almost 2 years. Finally they had to save half of the team from getting unalived... And they moment they would have time the last twist happens... leaving us with a sad ending.

Epilogue and Human World Arc...does little to compensate. Although I can't get over the fact that Yuugo's, Conny's and Isabella's 'ghosts' helped Ray found Emma in the Human World.

Speaking of finding Emma. My last head canon for Ray is the following;

When they found out that Emma lost all of her memories from the Demon World. Ray couldn't help himself but whisper a "I wish this happened to me". And everyone looks at him with an understanding smile thinking he blames himself for this... But in reality he really just selfishly thought (only for seconds) that he could forget everything happened on the other side.

Okay. That's all. Sorry for the supper long post and I'm forever thankful if you read through my brainrots 🥰😘. Also let me know if I should cover more characters like this. I'll obviously do Emma and Norman but if there any other characters you want to see please let me know🥰🤩💖.

[mj-iza-writer]

This story was requested by @electrons2006 with inspiration from a recent post by @tender-traps . It was about Whumper not talking to Whumpee or talking for a while to Whumpee, but ultimately stopping. Which I did a reverse of that idea, and Whumper ends up talking at the end.

The difficulty with this type of story is keeping a silent character moving.

Warning: lab rat. Heavy language.

Whumpee's home was the lab. It's where they grew up. It's where the professor and other scientists kept them safe from people wanting to misuse their blood's healing properties. So they thought.

After a while though, the professor was losing interest in the lab. They were ready to retire.

Whumper bought the lab and rights to Whumpee. Quite a few of the scientists left after the professor retired, but still, a small few remained.

It seemed now with Whumper in charge Whumpee's blood was often drained to dangerous lows. They were only left alive to make more.

"Hold still Whumpee", Connor, one of the original scientists, worked to take more blood from Whumpee's arm, "we need to take another few viles for samples."

"You've already taken five though", Whumpee whined, "I already feel sick from all of that blood loss, and you want to take more."

"I know, unfortunately, one of the new idiots spilled the viles, and I still need to do test", Connor fought, "stop moving before I destroy the vein."

Whumpee whimpered, "I-I want to keep some of my blood today, please. I'm not being given enough time for my blood to come back in between blood collections. I feel so sick all of the time."

"I'm sorry, but you don't get a choice", Connor frowned.

Whumpee moved away again before a hand came out of nowhere and grabbed the side of their face. Whumpee's head was then slammed to the metal table.

"Ow, ow, ow", Whumpee screamed.

"Go ahead and take the blood", Whumper looked at Connor, then down at Whumpee.

"Please let me go", Whumpee pleaded, out of the corner of their eye. They could see Connor sticking the needle into the their scarred skin, "please, I won't fight them, you're hurting me."

"Hold still Whumpee", Connor warned, "it seems you're in enough trouble as it is. Don't add more."

"How can you tell. This freaken ass hasn't said crap to me once since taking over. I don't even know what to call them", Whumpee complained tiredly, "h-how much more blood do you need?"

"One more vile", Connor frowned, "maybe if you'd stop being so disobedient, they would be nicer to you. You're why the professor quit, you know that right?"

"He-he said he liked me at one point. I-I didn't know he hated me", Whumpee whispered, "I-I thought..."

"It doesn't matter anyway", Connor frowned as they took out the needle, "with Whumper in charge, this lab may actually be on a breakthrough with studying your blood."

Whumpee winced as Whumper let them go. They rubbed their sore arm.

"C-can I have a bandaid an-and juice... please?", Whumpee looked cautiously at Whumper then at Connor.

"I guess", Connor sighed.

Whumpee was placed back in their cell with a juice box and a bandaged arm.

"I miss the professor sometimes. At least when he liked me", Whumpee frowned as they sat down on the floor of their cell, "at least I didn't have to give so much blood when he was in charge. He never acted like he hated me."

Whumpee rested their head against the wall and fell asleep. They were so tired from the blood loss.

"Whumpee, what the heck did you do?", Whumpee jumped when they heard yelling.

They felt their pants were soaked.

"Earth to Whumpee. Did you pee?"

Whumpee turned to see Connor squinting in at them, then opening the cell door.

Whumpee looked down to see why they were wet.

They looked up nervously as Connor towered over them.

"I-its my juice", Whumpee frowned, "I couldn't stay awake."

"Such a waste. Waste of juice, my time, we have to clean all of this", Connor complained loudly.

"I-it's not my fault", Whumpee shrunk back, "I'm so tired from all of the blood being taken. I can't keep my eyes open."

Whumper came in and grabbed Whumpee by the back of the neck and dragged them out of the cell into the hall.

Whumpee was drop kicked across the room. When they landed, they rolled a few times until the wall stopped them.

Whumpee gasped as they looked up. Whumper was already walking toward them again.

After a few more punches and kicks, Whumper turned and walked back to Connor.

Connor watched the beating with his jaw to the floor.

"I'm sick of their shit", Whumper frowned at Connor, "don't look at me like that."

Connor looked past to see if Whumpee was still awake or alive.

"Right, but they still need to be alive for this study to work. I didn't tell you about this opportunity for you to come in here and kill them. Their blood is our link to healing people", Connor frowned, "we probably should give them a few days to recoup their blood supply. Their levels are very low right now."

"Let's take out everything they own and let them learn their place that way. They're a good for nothing lab rat, that's all", Whumper glared at Whumpee who squinted weakly at them, "they will need to earn things back. They have too many belongings for a lowly rat."

"They get to keep two items. I will fight for them to keep two items", Connor argued, knowing Whumpee had two items that if lost Whumpee would lose it.

"Fine", Whumper turned and stormed out.

Connor cleaned the spill, and started to clear Whumpee's room of their belongings.

Whumpee watched from the end of the hall where Whumper left them. They whimpered as their mattress and other furniture was moved out.

Connor knelt down beside them and patted their back.

"I am truly sorry, I didn't know Whumper would go that far", Connor sighed.

"I-I already earned all of that", Whumpee whispered, "I-I didn't do anything wrong. I just had an accident and asked if my health could be considered at least once in a while."

Connor sighed, "he uh, we let you keep your stuffed toy and blanket at least. So that wasn't taken from you."

Whumpee whimpered, "why do you even care? Since Professor left, you've been just as cold to me. Did you mean it when you said you invited Whumper to be here?"

"Uh yes, I-I couldn't risk losing this testing. We are on the brink of great things. You are helping so many people. You'll be a hero."

Whumpee chuckled hatefully, "at the expense of my well-being. At the expense of my freedom. Fuck them all that will use the products you made from me. I won't be a hero, they won't even know I exist."

Connor looked at Whumpee with frustration.

Whumpee's glare softened, "please don't hit me. Can I just go back to my empty...", Whumpee felt a tear slip from their eye, "my empty cell. I need help."

Connor nodded, "I'm not going to hit you, I think Whumper did enough."

"You think?", Whumpee groaned as Connor helped them up.

Connor sat Whumpee down and helped them lean against the wall of their cell.

Whumpee looked around sadly, "everything is gone?", they looked at Connor sadly and sniffled.

"It is... I'm sorry", Connor reached for Whumpee's favorite blanket and covered them up, "I'll try to at least get the mattress back, but you may need to behave for a few days."

Whumpee nodded sadly, then looked at their stuffed toy.

"Here", Connor reached for the toy and tried to hand it to Whumpee.

Whumpee only looked at it and started to cry.

"It isn't fair", Whumpee blubbered, "this is supposed to be my home. My safe place. I learn that my caregiver actually didn't like me. Everyone who took care of me left. Now I'm being taken care of by two people who only want my blood. That's not how it was supposed to be. Yes Professor studied my blood, but I wasn't ever treated like this. All of the stuff I earned is now gone. Everything hurts, and, and I feel sick", Whumpee yanked the toy from Connor's hand, "and I'm expected to be happy."

Connor frowned, "I'm sorry Whumpee. If it makes you feel any better. The professor was tired of being a scientist and retired. He may not have left fully because of you."

Whumpee sniffled, "then why did you say that they left because of me?"

"Because I'm mean, and an idiot. Look, is there anything you want to eat for dinner that will make you feel better", Connor felt so guilty.

"You're an ass, that's what you are", Whumpee glared.

"I'll take that", Connor agreed.

"Can I have pizza? Like good pizza, and uhm, and ice cream", Whumpee looked at them longingly, "please."

"I can make that happen. I'm going to give you a few days as well to build up your blood supply. Those samples were really weak." Connor turned to leave.

After some complaints from Whumper. Connor served Whumpee their pizza and ice cream.

After a few days Whumpee was taken to give blood samples.

"I can definitely admit I didn't miss this the last few days. Though I did miss getting to leave my cell", Whumpee frowned as they looked at the needle.

Whumper stomped into the room.

"Are you being mouthy?", Whumper glared at Whumpee.

"N-no I-I'm being good", Whumpee shuddered, "good Whumpee see", they offered their arm to Connor quickly.

"Ymhmm", Whumper walked away.

Connor chuckled as they started to draw the blood, Whumpee breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's not funny", Whumpee frowned, "I want my mattress back. That floor hurts so bad. Especially since I'm already sore from them hurting me."

Whumpee paused, "wait they actually talked to me. That's a first."

"Don't get use to it", Whumper walked by again, "you have to earn it."

"Wow, a second sentence", Whumpee whispered.

"Whumpee don't make me laugh, you sarcastic pain in the ass", Connor tried to focus back on the blood draw.

"What? I'm just saying", Whumpee frowned.

Whumpee was taken back to their cell. They were surprised to see Whumper inside.

They took quick glances around the room, making sure their stuffed toy and blanket were still there.

"I... is that my mattress?", Whumpee watched Whumper slide it against the wall.

"Yep", Whumper frowned, "don't make me regret this. We just had a breakthrough, so you earned it back."

Whumpee looked at it happily, then at Whumper.

"I don't know what I appreciate more the bed or you finally talking to me."

"Like I said. Don't get use to it", Whumper smirked, "you're still a lab rat. Just not as useless."

"I'll take it", Whumpee nodded.

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@3-2-whump @risk606

@electrons2006 @paperprinxe

@whumprince @kaz-of-crows

@mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94

@sausages-things @sunglasses-in-the-bentley

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie

[ashensgrotto]

The Sea's Sacrifice (Part 1)

Characters: AzulAshengrotto / Jade Leech / Floyd Leech x F!Reader

Total Word Count: 14.7k+

Part 1 (You are Here) Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Synopsis: A potential job as a marine biologist’s assistant leaves (Y/N) feeling something fishy going on behind the scene…

Author's Notes: Original Idea came from @merakiui 's annonymous ask with a short story / headcannon -> https://www.tumblr.com/merakiui/684490143936167936/ooohhh-i-love-those-writing-ideas-you-had-for-sea?source=share

and I absolutely love this concept and wanted to take it a step further. I don't write yandere nor fanfiction as much as I did a few years ago. However, I do hope I do this piece justice; I will had links to the next part once it is completed and ready for viewing.

Also, this is a work of fiction. I disagree anyone that justifies the following behaviors which are represented in this fic (if I think of more, I will add them as I go):

rape/non-consent/dub-consent, possessive/controlling/dominating behaviors, and manipulation

Cruel and cold like winds on the seas

Will you ever return to me

Hear my voice sing with the tide

My love will never die

Over waves and deep in the blue

I will give up my heart for you

***

If someone were to tell you that you’d eventually be pulled into the wrong end of the sea by, not one but three, unknown sea creatures - you’d probably laugh your head off, thinking they’ve lost their mind.

But how wrong you’d be.

When you had initially applied to work at Twisted Wonders - an emporium of oddities that were collected and studied by the greatest minds in existence - you thought you’d be taking an everyday desk job; answering phone calls, scheduling tours, directing visitors… that sort of thing. 

Never in your right mind would you believe that you would be working alongside the Dire Crowley - director and owner of Twisted Wonders. Mr. Crowley was an acclaimed renowned genius with an air that was both mysterious and alluring. He was approximately 170 cm in height (five feet, seven inches) and wore rich tailored clothing made of silks and leather with gold embroidery and jewels embedded into the vest and belt; of course, he upped his strange allure by consistently wearing a heavy leather overcoat that hung to his frame, decorated in black feathers - real or faux, no one was sure, a top hat that perched on his head, and a mask of black that reminded you of a crow - his arched nose hidden under the long rim of the mask that poked out like a beak. 

“Here’s the deal, (Y/N),” Mr. Crowley spoke, reclining back in his desk chair as a pair of golden eyes peered out from behind the mask, “We’ve recently acquired three creatures that need to be observed. My team, however, has been unsuccessful at getting remotely close to studying them. They seem to think that an outsider might have a higher success rate at being able to approach them more than any of us will due to their knowing who we are.”

“So, what is it exactly that you want me to do?”

“I want you to observe them,” Mr. Crowley spoke, pushing a contract towards you, “You will work with my group of scientists for about three months as well as the three creatures. You are to notate anything and everything you see the trio doing - how they eat, sleep, react with each other, and so forth - and document everything for our records, no matter how insignificant it is. If you prove your worth and competence within those three months, you will be moved to another position within the facility of your choosing.”

“And that’s it? That’s all I need to do?”

“That’s it.”

‘Seems pretty easy for a payment of twenty dollars an hour…’ you thought as you looked down at the contract before, “And this is my… compliance, right?”

“That would be correct, as well as a safety and confidentiality agreement,” Mr. Crowley answered, offering a pen in your direction.

You took the instrument and wrote your name across the bottom of the page on the dotted line.

“Alright,” Dire Crowley took the contract and stood, pressing a buzzer on his desk, “with everything in order, I’ll have Grimsley take you to meet Divus Crewel and Mozus Trein - the overseers of our aquatic project.”

“I’m sorry, did you say aquatic?” your eyes widened in surprise.

“Dear me, did I forget to mention that part?” Mr. Crowley tapped his chin, his glowing eyes looking up toward the ceiling before returning to rest on your features, “Our newest arrivals are of the oceanic nature - I’ve never met or seen them myself, however Professor Crewel and Professor Trein will be able to go over the basics with you and introduce you to the trio in question.”

“As long as they don’ forget the good stuff!” a snarky voice spoke from behind.

You turned in your chair toward the door to see the man who must’ve been Grimsley.

He was about 163 cm in height with pale skin and dark gray hair with tufts of flame blue poking out in random directions. His eyes also were flame blue and held mischief in their depths that matched the smirk on his face as a set of sharp teeth peered out from behind thin lips. He wore a suit of black with a vest that matched his hair, a black and white-striped tie, and a white dress shirt. Leather loafers padded softly against the carpeted flooring of Crowley's office as he held out a black leather gloved hand in greeting.

"Grimsley Overblot," the man smiled like a Cheshire cat, "I'm Mr. Crowley's henchman and errand runner here at Twisted Wonders."

"(Y/N) (L/N)," you answer, taking Grimsley's hand with a shake, "pleasure to meet you."

“Grimsley, go ahead and take (Y/N) to see the good professors,” Dire Crowley spoke, a satisfied smile on his features, “I’m sure the two are more than ecstatic to meet her.”

***

As it turns out, both men were ecstatic to meet you - though Professor Trein was a bit more reserved about it versus his partner.

Trein's appearance matched his personality - his posture indicated a "no nonsense" aura as did his unchanging features. His lips would quirk into a small smile before they would fall to a straight line as his dark eyes settled on your uneasy form, as if he enjoyed watching you squirm like a germ under the microscope. He was dressed as any scientist would; a heavy white lab coat that fell to his knees hung around his frame that covered a white dress shirt and charcoal-colored dress pants and loafers. His hair was gray with streaks of white and wrinkles covered every inch of his face and neck.  He also wore a set of white pristine gloves and had a cravat around his neck with a singular emerald gem that held the cloth together.

As for his partner, Professor Crewel was a bit more… eccentric. Crewel had a sort of energy about him that reminded you of a young dog - not a puppy, but not an adult either. He was always cocking a smile that bore teeth, chuckling when he patted the top of your head as he called you "puppy." His clothing matched his laidback ideals too - a heavy black and white fur coat with a red silk lining covered the charcoal gray dress shirt and pants. His vest was black on one side, white on the other, and wore a red tie that matched the gloves on his hands.

“So,” Crewel spoke after introductions, pulling a cigarette out of his pants pocket and lighting the object, “any questions before we get you set up?”

“I guess my big question is what exactly will I be working with?” you ask.

“We believe the trio to be mers, but they’re not your typical ones,” Trein explained with a sniff as his features twisted at the smell of Crewel’s smoke,  “All three of them have the upper bodies of men, but lower halfs of sea creatures. Two of the three half the lower half of what we believe to be that of a moray eel and the third the lower half of an octopus. The twins are typically more curious of the three, though they can be aggressive. Several of our closest colleagues were attacked by the duo after accidentally disturbing them - their bites have left scars and one of our colleagues actually lost their leg from their attack.”

“... and you don’t think I will?” you had to question, the comment coming out high-pitched.

“Well, moray eels - specifically - will attack only if they have been disturbed,” Crewel answered nonchalantly, “We believe there are similarities between the animals and the mers, which is why we are gathering as much information as we can. We want to know what the similarities and differences are between moray eels and the twins.”

“Okay, but I still don’t see how I won’t get attacked by those two. And what about the third?”

“You won’t be attacked as long as you stay still and don’t make any sudden movements,” Trein answered, “Once they get used to you, you’ll know.”

“As for the third,” Crewel answered, “he’s a cecaelia - half man, half octopus.”

You blink, “Don’t moray eels eat octopi?”

“Typically, yes,” Trein answered, “which is strange, in this case. The trio were originally found off the coast in the Coral Sea - living in harmony with each other. When we brought them here, the moray mers have consistently been surrounding the grotto that is in the enclosure - the cecaelia hiding within and rarely comes out. We think that the cecaelia may have raised the morays, but we’re not completely sure.”

“And it’s been a devil of a time trying to get a glimpse of him too,” Crewel shook his head, eyes rolling to the ceiling.

“You mean you haven’t seen him? Not once?”

“I saw him when he was first brought into the enclosure,” Trein sighed, “however, it was dark and I couldn’t see him very well - the eels could be seen because of the bioluminescence that exists within their bodies, allowing us to see their figures.”

“Speaking of which, come,” Crewel rested a hand to the small of your back, “let’s get you acquainted with our aquatic trio, hm?”

Crewel and Trein led you to the opposite end of their laboratory where a large glass wall stood with a set of double doors that led to what appeared to be the edge of a massive pool. Once inside, the smell of fish and humidity tickled your nose as the sound of lapping of water reverberated in the slightly dimmed room; the only light being illuminated from the pool itself. The gray walls stretched high, the ceiling covered by long triangular beams that permitted the echoes of voices and lapping water in the room. One the far left was a coat rack and a small freezer with a large fan blowing the heated air around the room.

“When you come in - which will be about six-thirty each morning, you’ll hang your coat on the rack and put your lunch in the freezer before feeding your charges,” Crewel explained, walking over to the freezer and lifting the lid, “We always restock the food the night before, so you don’t have to worry about not having anything in here for the day. There will be nine buckets total in the freezer - three for the morning, three for noon, three for dinner - so make sure you dump all three buckets in the water, but don’t toss the actual bucket into the water.”

“What’s in them?” you ask, wrinkling your nose at the mixture within the buckets.

“A collection of shellfish - shrimp, crab, clam, lobster - and assorted fish are what they primarily eat,” Crewel answered as he closed the lid to the freezer, “We’ve tried feeding the moray twins octopi - but they refuse to touch it and often threw it at the feeders when they came in. Also, feel free to wear something comfortable. The water temperature varies from 45℉ to as low as 39℉ so we have to offset that with the atmosphere in our enclosure here at approximately 77℉ to 85℉ - never mind that one of the twins likes to splash newcomers right off the bat.”

“So, shorts are ok?”

“Shorts would be preferred, so yes,” Crewel nodded.

“But not too short - lower thigh length to knee length is acceptable,” Trein chided, “you are also permitted to wear sandals within the enclosure as well as a t-shirt or tank top due to the humidity. However, if you do choose sandals and tank tops - please bring a spare pair of tennis shoes to wear on the way in and on the way out as closed toed and heels are required within the labs and main building as well as something to keep your shoulders covered; this is a place of employment, not enjoyment.”

When you nod, Trein continued.

“After you feed them their breakfast, take a seat and use the notebooks over here to document any findings,” Trein walks to the opposite end of the enclosure, opening a locker filled with office supplies, “Take whatever you think you might need for the day and have a seat at the edge of the pool and begin your observations. It might take a few days before one of the twins actually approaches you, but once they do, you should be able to start the observations with no problems. During your first few days, remember to stay still - morays attack when startled or provoked, which we don’t want to happen. You’ll let them come to you and, hopefully once you get acquainted, you’ll be able to do your observations with no trouble at all.”

“Alright.”

“Your shift will be twelve hours total,” Trein also explained, “you will be expected to eat lunch with the trio and feed them their supper before you leave for the night at six pm and place any of your notes back in the locker here for Crewel or I to collect at the end of the day. When you leave, make sure the door is locked. Typically, we will be here until eight, so we often check the door on our way out - but just so you are aware, the door does get stuck on occasion; you may need to knock on the door a few times and one of us or our staff will get you out.”

You nod again.

“Alright, are there any questions?” Crewel asked.

“No, I think I’ve got it.”

“Very well,” Trein smiles, “We’ll see you tomorrow at six sharp - no later.”

“Thank you very much for this opportunity,” you bow your head to both of them before shaking each of their offered hands as the two escorted you out of the enclosure - none of you aware of the two sets of heterochromia eyes that watched your figure from below the water’s surface.

***

One week passes slowly as you go through the motions as the Twisted Wonders aquatic observer. 

Every morning, you arrive at quarter to six and greet Crewel and Trein at their laboratory doors. After they unlock and head into their own offices, you make your way to the enclosure and place your bag on the coat rack and the brown paper bag that contains your lunch in the freezer before hauling out the three of the nine gallon-sized buckets one at a time and dump the contents into the water, watching a little bit to see if anything will appear to snatch up a meal as the fish disappear into the murky depths of the pool. After watching the last piece of morsel disappear into the depths, you turn toward the locker, grabbing notebooks, pens and anything else you think you need and take a seat at the edge of the pool. 

As the hours pass by, you jot notes down about anything you see - which is nothing.

7:30am: Ripples of water, no sign of the creatures

10:30am: Still no sign of the creatures

12:30pm: Fed mers, no sign of breaking the surface yet - maybe they know I am waiting for them and want nothing to do with me?

2:30pm: Still no sign

4:30pm: I heard a splash, but saw nothing. Maybe they’re nervous?

6:00pm: Fed the mers their supper - Hoping to get a sign of them before I leave today.

Day after day after day, the notes were the same: No sign. No sign. No sign.

By the end of the first week, you were beginning to wonder if you actually would ever see the creatures or if they even existed - or even, heaven forbid, if you were a test subject yourself for believing that there were mers that lived in the enclosure. 

When Saturday morning came, you trudged into the enclosure with a heavy sigh and slowly began to begin the day’s events. Everything you did now seemed slower as the hope of seeing something otherworldly began to diminish like smoke. You pulled the first bucket of food out of the freezer and brought it to the edge of the pool, dumping the contents in before standing to return the bucket to the side of the freezer when something slimy and light hit the back of your head. Your hand instinctively reached up and brushed the hair behind your head, feeling traces of water and slime. You looked down to see what hit you, finding the bottom half of an unidentifiable colored fish laying behind you. 

Your eyes shifted to look out into the pool - but no movement or any indication that something had thrown the half of the fish at you could be seen.

‘Maybe I’m just imagining things,’ you thought as a sigh escaped your lips, picking up the fish and dropping it into the second bucket before it was dumped over the edge of the pool as well.

As you turned your back to grab the last bucket, again something smacked against the back of your head, a clicking sound following shortly afterwards.

‘Ok,’ you thought, a slight smirk appearing on your features as you picked up the large hunk of lobster from the ground, ‘whoever or whatever you are, I’m assuming you want to play. Well, let’s play.’

You grab the last bucket and dump the contents into the water and kneel at the edge - watching like a cat watches a mouse before pouncing. A few moments pass before you feel your back begin to strain, forcing you to stand. As you do, a whole king prawn nearly smacks you in the face as another round of clicking echoes in the enclosure. You whip your face toward the pool, just in time to see two sets of eyes watching you.

Silence defends the enclosure as the three of you stare in silence at one another.

Your heart races as you realize that the creatures staring at you must be the twins.

You can’t see them completely - their entire bodies are hidden under the water while the tops of their heads and their eyes are the only thing being seen from your position at the edge of the pool as they regard you from a few meters away - but you can see that they are nearly mirrors of each other.

They both have skin the color of seaweed with short hair to match - a longer piece the color of deep sea teal arching in the front of their faces. Instead of human ears, they have fins - likely hiding the gills they use to breathe underwater behind them. The one on your left appears to be more cautious than their twin on the right - their eyes are sharp, their right colored brown and left colored gold, and watching every movement you make as if calculating whether to attack you or not. The one on your right appeared to have more of a droopy expression on their face, their lower eyelids dropping into a bored expression, but their gaze is still sharp. Like their twin, their eyes are different colors - the left colored brown and the right colored gold instead.

You swallow thickly, unsure of what to do exactly. 

Moray eels attack if provoked, you recalled Crewel saying, so you didn’t want to make any sudden movements in case they read it wrong and attempt anything. However, it seems that the decision is quickly made when the one on your right slowly approaches the edge of the pool. You stay as still as possible as they approach, their eyes locked on yours as if in a trance. 

When they reach the edge, you can see the length of his body in the murky depths. His skin is a darker seaweed teal with little stripe patterns on his cheekbones and arms - with likely more on his lower body hidden deeper in the depths. Large fins poke out from his lower arms, giving him and his brother the ability to glide through the water quickly. You couldn’t see his tail, but if you had to guess - you thought he could be approximately six feet in length or longer.

Then, salted sea water covers your entire body, causing you to sputter at the surprise at getting splashed as the moray mer peeled in laughter. His brother follows up with three sharp clicks before the duo disappear under the water, leaving you to wonder what in the world just happened.

[little-mouse-gardens]

Yandere vampire rottmnt au concept/idea

A rottmnt au that popped up in my head (romantic)

Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, kidnapping (I do not condone this behavior in real life. I Do not condone anyone to do any of these actions in real life. this is only for entertainment purposes only.

I don’t normally do character x reader writing (mostly because I’m not great at it) I mostly do character x oc stuff.

However I got a random idea for yan vampire turtles au idea?

Thought about this a day or two ago and got some great ideas on discord. Saying thank you and Crediting at @lexiechr and @astral--horrorshow for inspiring some of my ideas!

Reader is an upcoming mystery thriller novel writer seeking inspiration for the next book they want to write who moves into the local village far, far away from the city.

Reader Hear legends about vampires and decided they want to stay a little while longer to write their novel and see what All the fuss is about and one night while they are out and about on some late night errand.

The turtles (separately) spot them and instantly fell in love with their personality, the way their eyes sparkle with emotions and the way they spoke. Making them want to make reader their bride. To love and to cherish them in their castle for the rest of eternity no matter who gets in the way. Suddenly reader notices strange things occurring around them that are quite hard to ignore.

- a local bookkeeper reader was talking to the other day? Suddenly disappears and is later found in the river. The only calling card being the turtles family name emblem carved into the bookeepers flesh. A dire warning to stay away.

- The turtles visiting reader outside their cozy cottage at night, talking with them. Trying to sweet talk them into letting them in and being theirs with equally sweet promises of love and anything reader desires. Though reader is clever enough to not let them in.

- the villagers suddenly being extra nice to reader. Offering them free things to them, letting them have special privileges, life is made easier for them. It’s very confusing to reader, but the villagers know they have to unless the turtles decide to go after them.

Reader, after another string of vampire based murders and disappearances, does their research on each of the turtles and discovers more information about them based on the emblem. Wandering into the local library one late evening and finding a book on them.

The turtles are a bloodline of vampires that dated back for many years.

- Raphael, dubbed as the brawn’s of his brothers and the most feared by the town. Actively known to hunt down and brutally maul people and livestock. Occasionally steals soft things like fabrics and plushies. However he is the only one recorded to have actually spared some peoples life

- Leonardo, the charmer. Everyone in town knows his tricks, he charms and flirts with his victims before delivering the finale blow. Has been known to enter the local tavern when it’s not busy, or even steal from local tailors and jewelers to buy new shiny expensive things to add to his collection or himself.

- Donatello the mad scientist. The second most feared. His methods are simple, grab and torture his prey with his experiments in his laboratory. Villagers will not hesitate to give him the things he needs and or wants for his inventions. Leaving them outside their homes at night in an effort to get him to leave them alone.

- Mikey the artist, he will use his victims blood to decorate the streets with messages to taunt those who don’t give him what he wants. Sweet but not unwilling to cause mass chaos. Every craft store and bakery will always find something missing by morning, and sometimes he will leave different paintings on the walls of the town as a reward for their offerings.

Then, reader leaves the library that night, they are kidnapped by the turtles (separately) and brought back to their castle to be their partner for life. Promising to make them immortal, to give them all the love and joy they possibly can and making the clear vow that they won’t escape them.

However reader is clever and determined to find their way out. Even if it means playing along for now.

- Forcing themselves to Cuddle with raph and accepting his gifts and tokens of affection

- letting Leonardo shower them in compliments, dolling them up in silks and jewels while they compliment him on his attributes

- listening to Donnie speak of his inventions and praising his genius no matter how diabolical it may seem

- painting with Mikey, eating all the treats and snacks he makes them while he paints their portrait

The ultimate sacrifice for reader, other than their freedom, is to let the turtles have a taste of their blood and agreeing to be their partner for life. The turtles (separately) are much more gentle with reader, or at least they try to be.

- they’ll make sure reader comfortable. Each turtle (separately) will praise them for being brave and shower reader with compliments, cuddles, gifts after they finish. Soft blankets, their favorite snack or comfort food, a nice warm bath scented with flowers. Name it and reader can have it so long as the turtles get a taste.

Each yan vampire turtle has a different wing in their castle. Each with a specific set of theme colors and decor. Each place being huge, full of secrets for reader to uncover and secret entrances for them to potentially use so long as they don’t get caught.

Leonardo’s wing = Soft blues. Golds and silvers. Jewels encrusted everywhere you go, silks arranged around as if you were walking through a kings palace. So many drapes and screens that make it very Easy to hide what isn’t meant to be see. All the jewels and fine clothes for him to dress reader in. To shower them with compliments and sweet promises, making sure that his beloved will never want to go looking for the secret passages in the castle

Donatellos wing of the palace = Reader never dares to get to deep into his Lab, lest they find the many remains of the missing villagers turned into something sick and twisted. Donatello prefers to keep his beloved partner close to his side, showering them with endless gadgets and gizmos to impress them. Keep them distracted and their interest away from his sources of food and morbid curiosity that would put victor Frankenstein to shame.

Raphael’s wing = His halls are expansive, almost never ending. A place for the brute of the vampire brothers to wander at ease, lest his rage be incited. Rooms full of soft things and others full of little objects he collects. Objects he will gladly show and shower reader with if it means they’ll stay with him as his bride for all eternity.

Mikey’s wing = All down the halls, throughout every room reader will find art of all kinds. All of which he painted, sculpted and crafted himself with delicate yet skilled hands. He will spoil the, with all the beautiful sights and delicious smells. How can they search for the secret corridors out if they’re too distracted by Mikey’s art and him forcing them to sit for another portrait or sculpture? Or making them try all the fine delicious foods and drinks?

Most of the time reader is able to get alone time, which would be when they leave at night. Though occasionally one will stay behind to watch them, reader mostly spends their time in the ornate guest room or exploring the shadowy halls of the old castle.

Using their clever mystery novelist mind to come up with plans of escape. Writing down things about their captors and potential routes of escape in a journal they keep under a floorboard beneath their bed.Reader is kept in the highest point in the castle. That Overlooks the village and forested mountains below. Reader can only see their freedom from a distance while they bide their time.

Now, if reader managed to escape? All hell would break loose. Reader running for their life and packing any important belongings to get out of town while the loud roars and shouts of the turtles don’t linger too far behind.

- Raphael wouldn’t hesitate to reign destruction upon the village in a blind panic rage. Demanding his beloved be returned to him unless this whole town gets stomped down to the ground.

- Leonardo who is portaling to every corner of the town and nearby woods to get his beloved home safely or even threatening to portal the villagers into the gator infested swamps and wolf infested forests unless someone spills the details.

- Donatello who actively starts torturing people until someone gives him answers on where his darling went to

- Mikey who is literally using his powers to tear apart houses and farms looking for his lover

No place is left unturned, and it wouldn’t shock reader if the villagers came hunting after them to bring them back or snitched about their where about’s and to be honest, reader couldn’t blame them either.

Once and if reader is brought back to them, they are never let out of their sight if they can help it. If reader wasn't smothered before, they’ll definitely be smothered now and the wedding date will be bumped up closer from a year to a few months time.

Anyways, that’s just my random take on it. Hope you guys enjoy!

[tinydefector]

Well, I seem to get more mers drawn when I'm on stream, so here's Sideswipe and him missing his arm from the comic panels

the Start of Windblade, wasn't planning on doing her butshe kinda happened screaming over how pretty she is, and gods doing her head fins were hell. Discord watched me struggle with them for ages.

And because that now only leaves Soundwave both an OG and Prime form for my next stream after I finish her.

So another vote so I can just add some more characters back into the list.

Let me know if you would like to be added to tag list (tagged for every fic)

Taglist

@angelxcvxc

@wosemoose1

@savvy-the-mad-scientist

@saturnhas82moons

@horizonartist980

@murkyponds

@buddee

@bubblyjoonjoon

@chaihena

@pyreemo

@lovenotcomputed

@mskenway97

@delectableworm

@cheesecaketyrant

@ladyofnegativity

@desertrosesmetaldune

@stellasfallow

@coffee-or-hot-cocoa

@shinseiokami

@tea-loving-frog

@aquaioart

@daniel-meyer-03

@pupap123

@dannyaleksis

@averysillylittlefellow

@rosielecktor

@shurushurubanban

@strawberrydutchling

@azuragalaxya

@dumpster-fae

@simp-sentral

@smallestapplin

@starscreamloverfr

@doodle-dongs

@natchayaphorn

@askcookieanon

@aerisvirtue

@horizonartist980

@soulless-nocturnal-raccoon

@gracebear

@lilliaslonghair

@rabies10

@alextheknight707

@chershire23

@goretechnician

@witchygod

@therealholyloaf

[the-river-rix]

Something that is extremely personal to me and quite honestly could be an interpretation caused by those personal biases is Zack’s relationship with Hodgins and Angela but specifically my interpretation of what they symbolize to him and how that effects him because Hodgins, similarly to Zack is off putting to many people and doesn’t always say the right thing and has intense non conventional interests but he is able to connect with others in a way Zack can’t or think he can’t it’s fascinating to me that despite Zack having had sexual/romantic experiences not only have none of them turned into significant relationships (this also goes into Zack being gay but that’s another story) but he is consistently seen as inept with these types of relationships and is shown to be both insecure about them and perplexed by them alternatively Hodgins is shown as someone (in his own way) who is good with sexual/romantic relationships, he forms a deep connection with Angela, he’s a self-proclaimed romantic this is a big difference between Zack and Hodgins’s experiences socially, and something I believe that Zack is jealous of

That’s not even unpacking his relationship with Angela who is easily the most socially skilled person in the lab she (like most of the characters) is extremely empathetic but she is also very good at expressing it (unlike most of them) she forms deep connections with others and most importantly she understands how to do so this is further symbolized by her role in the lab as “the artist” the dichotomy between art and science is a clear allegory for that between extrovert/introvert, left brain/right brain, EQ/IQ that sort of idea I think Zack is extremely envious of her for that because despite being a genius and a brilliant scientist he can’t understand people like she can

It’s particularly meaningful to me that Zack goes to BOTH Angela and Hodgins for social advice because while Angela is an obvious choice Hodgins is frequently put in the same category as Zack by most people the fact that Zack views them as equal in social skills reflects that he views them as a collective in a higher position of power (within social situations at least) then his own position which he does not share I think that ultimately while Hodgins and Angela are probably his closest friends they probably make him feel incredibly jealous and further isolated at times

Idk I’m just rambling at this point and I don’t think I articulated my thoughts well but yeah Zack Addy one of the tragic characters of all time

[yzafre]

who wore it better – 2003 v 2012 episode comparisons

I said I wanted to do this in my 2003 thoughts post, and I’m gonna. I've been picking away at this for a couple weeks now.

I’m focusing on places where they actually recycled a storyline rather than adapted general concepts.  Fugitoid and the space arc is an example of the second method – Robot Scientist with a connection to a Dangerous Machine is a shared concept, but the stories are different.

“Ohhh how did we end up here we’ve GOT to figure out how to get home, our Dad might still be in danger” versus “we HAVE to collect the McGuffins before the enemy or earth is going to EXPLODE. AGAIN.” You know?

Comparing those types of adaptations could be done, but it’s not what I’m interested in here.  I specifically want to look at the places that made me think “oh, 2012 just copied this” while I was watching 2003.

Now, obviously this is extremely subjective.  So take this as me defending my nominations for winner in these categories, rather than some sort of objective truth.  I am presenting my dinky power-point on why you should vote for my favorites.  Ect.  Your preferences may be different!

My ramblings on the episodes got long (should I have split this into parts? maybe! didn't though), so uhhhh...

tl;dr: Scoring got weird at 3.5 to 2003, 3 to 2012, and two draws.

Key takeaways: 2003 better matches my personal tastes, and what makes 2012 good is the stuff specific to its iteration, rather than copying 2003

With all that taken care of, here’s my opinions, in very messy order.

Meet Casey Jones vs The Good, The Bad and the Casey Jones

So, this was the very first episode that made me sit back and go: wait.  This is just.  The same thing? 

Raph loses a fight, loses his temper violently over it.  He then goes out to get some air and runs into Casey, getting into a fight.  Raph goes back and apologizes to his brother, and then they have to deal with the Casey situation.  Eventually they’re friends.

That being said, they do handle things a bit differently inside of those plot points, in a way that makes me very split on which one is better.

So, this episode is doing two things: introducing Casey (at least to the turtles, in 2012’s case), and spotlighting Raph’s anger issues, and the shows handle both of them differently.  So let's look at them:

Raph and his anger

I want to start with the positioning of the episode within the wider series.

This is the 4th episode of 2003.  At this point, they’re still setting up the characters and your understanding of them – so this is really here to say hey, our Raph has a temper, that’s going to be a thing going forward. (I'm watching '87 right now, and while I've heard Raph gets more of his anger late in the series, at the beginning he is... not that. So signaling this for people who might have watched the previous show is valid.)

After this, I don’t remember there being other episodes that are Explicitly About Raph’s anger issues?  That’s not to say there aren’t any – there very well could’ve been some that were just so boring I don’t remember them, which would be a whole other issue – but what I remember of him being, to quote the show, a “hot-head” is integrated into other stories.

For 2012, this is nearly halfway through season 2, and is one of 3 episodes I can think of off the top of my head that at least start out framed as a lesson on Raph’s anger issues.  (The one with the guy that turns into a spider mutant, this one, and…. Okay so I don’t remember the details but I’m Pretty Sure I remember there being another one post-space arc).

Now, in theory this is good – having a sort of long-term journey recurring throughout the series.  In practice… eh. 

This is very subjective, but from the way the topic was constantly put on the shelf until they wanted to use it for an episode, to the way it was all extremely surface level and used mostly for jokes, it didn’t do much for me.

That aside, let’s look at the content of the episode itself:

Raph's anger issues have two different tones here.

2003 Raph’s snapping at Mikey is framed a lot more seriously – and a lot more dangerously – than 2012 Raph going at Leo.  And, accordingly, ‘03 Raph is a lot more horrified at his actions, whereas ‘12 Raph is more petulant, unwilling to fully own up to his mistake.

That carries over to when they’re “getting some air” - ‘03 Raph is blatantly angry with himself, where ‘12 is complaining about his brother’s not getting it.  I do think some of that frustration with himself is buried underneath, but it's interesting to note the difference between how aware of it they are. (Of course, ‘12 also didn’t try to brain his brother over the head with a metal pipe.  So.)

The two different versions also shifted what they chose to have “spelled out” versus implied.  What I mean is.... okay, so ‘03 had Raph explicitly say “What is wrong with me” – that frustration with himself I mentioned earlier – where it’s kind of buried underneath for ‘12.

On the other hand, ‘12 Raph flat out says he wasn’t angry, just “determined to win,” when explaining himself to Splinter, whereas with ‘03 the reasoning comes from Raph’s “You think you’re better than me?” line during the fight (and a bit of Mikey’s taunting, the menace), allowing you to (very easily, let's be real, I don't know that you can really count this as subtext) connect the dots on how it escalated.

So, that leads to their fight with Casey – where they both get carried away, before coming to their senses and questioning what they’re doing (and subsequently getting surprise-attacked).  The difference here is that ‘03, upon calming down, went back to trying to talk some sense into Casey (using the lessons he’s obviously trying to absorb himself), while to me ‘12 Raph just kinda seemed disoriented by it all?

Which. Fair.

Next step: the apology.  VERY different receptions.  The ‘03 brothers greet Raph with worry and care, and take his apology quietly and warmly, whereas for ‘12 they act like this is another Tuesday, a bit dismissive, and tease and taunt him through his apology.  I’m not trying to disparage the ‘12 turtles here – not exactly – more so observing the difference in tone once more.

When people say the ‘03 turtles feel older, I think this is a huge part of it – the ‘12 turtles’ behavior feels very “stupid teenager”.  And I mean that in a genuine, fairly affectionate way.  I remember being that age, I was dumb.  You don’t know how to handle all these strong feelings, you have no impulse control. Also around 2012 I remember being genuine being deeply uncool, so. But ‘03 are demonstrating a higher level of emotional maturity, compared to that, and it does make them feel older.

Anyways, after that you get the reunion with Casey, having very different tones.  ‘03 purposefully tries to reach out and rehabilitate help Casey get himself under control, whereas ‘12 diverges into a surprise attack by the Foot where Raph and Casey bicker their way into teamwork.

Overall, ‘03 takes a more... introspective? Approach to Raph’s anger, where ‘12 flickers between being slightly emotional and using the situation for humor or cool action scenes – it feels like setup for an arc that I never felt we got satisfying payoff for.

For my tastes, I think I prefer ‘03 for the Raph part of the episode, if only because it remains thematically cohesive till the end.  From start to finish, Raph is trying to impart the lesson he wants to learn to Casey.  With 12, it feels like the “Raph’s anger issues” thread got a bit lost/abandoned in building up the Raph-Casey dynamic.

Speaking of...

Casey Jones

I think ‘12 is the better Casey intro episode.  There, I said it.

I know, I know!  It’s not technically where we meet Casey, we already saw him interacting with April (also scenes I like), but... although having finished 2003 I think ‘03 has the better overall Casey (mostly because they give him like. Actual personal connections to the world), ‘12 has the better initial burst of character, in my opinion.

His little intro monologue is so stupid, and I love it.  The skates and the little taser-gloves he obviously put together himself (and the fact that we only got one episode of Donnie and Casey bonding over this kind of engineering is criminal???).

The initiative to follow Raph down, his reactions to Splinter, the entire subway tunnel chase scene, where his and Raph’s rapport is building up... it’s good stuff!  I like it!  Maybe there’s a bit less depth in some places – we don’t get the personal connection with the Purple Dragons, how it ties back to his family – but his character voice, his initiative and impulsivity, and his creativity all come through.

It’s such a shame they didn’t do more to add to his character throughout the series in ‘12, because he had a fantastic early showing.  But then, that series didn’t seem interested in doing that for any of their characters, to me.  Sigh.

But... just looking at the episode itself, I'd give the Casey have to 2012.

So... draw?  Great way to start off, I know.

Shredder Strikes Back vs The Invasion (or: Leo gets thrown through a window)

So, this is a tough competition, we’re gonna have to take this point by point, I mean -

2012.  It’s 2012.  Are you kidding me.

Okay, look.  2012 already has an advantage just on moving this from halfway through season 1 to the season 2 finale, but, I mean... come on.

With 2003, there was barely any build up with the Shredder.  We’d seen him sort of being in charge of the various villains since early on – but the turtles didn’t see that!  For them, he showed up, tricked Leo, Splinter gave some back story, they fought and then Splinter seemingly killed him.  It just... wasn’t that dramatic? To me??

So when you have Leo thrown through the window, whispering “he’s back”, I was just like... I see no reason for this level of dread.  It doesn’t feel that personal, or important, or.... anything, really.  I know 2003 came first, but having watched 2012 beforehand this was kind of a letdown.  Didn’t feel earned.

Now, 2012 on the other hand....

Shredder has been a constant, ever-increasing threat since the moment he showed up in Season 1.  It was already personal with Splinter, yes, but then he also became a subject of looming dread for the turtles themselves.  And it doesn’t come out of nowhere. 

Like, yes, we, the viewers, were aware 2003 Shredder survived, but otherwise he was just hanging out off-screen, doing who knows what.  He wasn’t on the mind.  2012, on the other hand, showed the way Shredder was slowly amassing power, planning for something.

And then you add the Kraang on top of it.

Like, seriously, making this a two-prong threat is. Mwah!  The boys are falling apart, stressed by the time-limit of the upcoming Kraang invasion, disagreeing on how to handle it.  And then the argument gets cut short by their home being discovered – they don’t even get a chance to choose their path together, because they have to run, and everything’s chaos, and they’re still focused on the Kraang.

And that’s when the Shredder comes in.

This is insult on top of injury with everything going wrong that possibly could.  This is an immaculate payoff to the set-up they’ve been doing all season. This is fantastic.

And when Leo is thrown through the window, you feel it – the dread, the horror, the regret.  It really feels like the breaking point of “we can’t take any more” that leads to them retreating.  It has a weight to it that 2003’s version was sorely missing.

When it comes to Leo getting thrown through a window, 2012 takes the win, hands down.  The stakes, the drama, and my investment are all so much higher than they were in ‘03, no contest, it’s my favorite part of ‘12.

What comes after, on the other hand....

Tales of Leo + The Monster Hunter vs Season 3a (or, the Farmhouse Arc)

Maybe it’s unfair to compare 2 episodes to 8 episodes.  And maybe this is diverging from my “only episodes that are directly connected” rule I stated in the beginning, but I need to get this off my chest.  Because I just.  I’m not impressed by 2012’s farmhouse arc. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Warning: rant ahead, this is VERY subjective and heavily based in my personal tastes.  Reminder that I do genuinely enjoy 2012, I just think the farmhouse arc is the lowest point in the whole series and is representative of what I find to be the weakest aspect of the series’ writing across the board.  That being said.

I see what 2012 was trying to do, by drawing out Leo’s recovery over all those episodes, giving the characters some space to breathe.  But they didn’t do it well in my opinion, and honestly the whole thing.  Flounders. 

2012’s best feature is its plot writing, how one episode tumbles into the next, Rube Goldberg machine-style, across an entire season.  But at the farmhouse, they’re removed from the greater plot, and that’s not doing the writing any favors.

And it’s not that the episode ideas are bad – I generally think they’re pretty interesting!  It’s just that without the inter-connected plot, they need something else to push them from “okay” to “exceptional”.  Usually, this would be where deeper characterization and relationship building would kick in instead, but uh.  I don’t personally think 2012 is great at that.

They under-cut the message of the episode with Big Foot, the Casey and Donnie friendship doesn’t really go anywhere after this, every other episode where inter-personal issues are only dealt with on a very surface level become even more obvious and a bit annoying without the greater plot to distract from it. Yes I know this is a kids show, but A:tlA had already finished airing at this point, also on Nickelodeon.

I think there’s a consistent issue with character writing in 2012 where they do what looks like set-up with no intent to ever give a meaningful pay-off or significantly change the status-quo, and that’s very much on display here.

And it’s not that there was nothing good in the season – I liked what they were doing with Raph, and how he was trying to help/encourage Leo, while somewhat bungling it in very realistic ways.  It was a fascinating look at what this Raph acting at his best as the Lancer trope could be, and I genuinely wish they leaned into it more later down the line.

Also, I’m always thrilled to see the Leo-April friendship get some focus, so Eyes of the Chimera was a favorite.  But across the board... the season didn’t wow me, and the longer it went on, the more I could see the cracks.

It all tops off with Vision Quest, which was my biggest disappointment in the entire series, the point at which I had to really stop and reset my expectations on what kind of story the writers were interested in telling.  The summary describes them having to go on a spiritual journey to really face themselves and their weaknesses, and I was so excited!  But then it was just.  Really surface level.  And occasionally confusing.

Raph needs to work on his temper, sure – but how is this any different than any of the other episodes about it?  Do we look at all at where his anger comes from?  A deeper way to handle it?  No, of course not.

Mikey needs to focus, stop getting distracted – I mean, yeah sure I guess.  Not a particularly interesting way of handling it, though.  Also, even if he manages it here, I know it's not going to pan out to the rest of the show, they’re not giving up their easy source of humor for the younger demographic.

And Donnie needs to... stand his ground? What?  I was so caught off guard.  It’s not that it’s completely out of touch, we see him coming up with complex paths to his goals, trying to think his way around of problems, ect, but... it was never really highlighted or presented as a real problem other than maybe the episode on instinct over thinking too hard?  It just felt really disconnected from anything else they were doing with him.  A genuinely interesting pay-off scene, with no solid set-up.

And Leo.  Oh jeez.  My friends.  WHAT is up with how they handled Leo’s knee injury?  The pain is just in my mind? It's not real??  Really???  No, thank you.

Like... I think this was supposed to be a riff on what Splinter says about ‘03 Leo’s coma, and him being trapped in his head due to fear – but because in ‘12 they tied it to an actual, specific physical injury, the execution falls apart. 

(Especially when they use the same flash-effect they used on Leo having issues with his knee of Splinter having issues later in the series but I probably shouldn't take that into account here.)

I mean, his quest is the closest to being satisfying, because they had lain interesting groundwork with his struggle with recovery and his insecurities in previous episodes, but then they just completely bungle it at the end! Argh!

I was so excited for Vision Quest, but this didn't tell me anything new about the characters or progress the characters in any meaningful way! It had no effect on how the characters are written going forward. So – other than some admittedly very cool fight choreography – what was the point?  Was there one??  It felt like putting on the trappings of an emotionally deep story without any of the actual, you know.  Depth.

I am clawing at the walls. Look at all the potential you wasted.

And yes, I’m aware this is all very subjective, and again part of a show for kids, but that’s how it hit me.

The 2003 farmhouse arc, on the other hand, was very short, and I think it benefited from that.  It had two episodes, and it knew what it was doing with both of them.  They felt purposeful, in the larger arc of the story.

First episode: they make their way to the farmhouse, Leo’s in a coma (according to Splinter, one driven by his fear), and his family tells stories of when he was brave/strong as a little kid to try and bring him out.

Wonderful, amazing, I love this episode.  So much character work – both in the past and present!  By going back to when they were kids, it helps us contextualize the turtles’ relationships by making them simpler.

In showing early memories that probably started cementing their views of each other, we see the core around which they developed.  By seeing which memory each brother chooses to present, we get some insight into how they each see Leo.  It gives us a point A to our current point B, which allows us to extrapolate the line between the two, how they developed.

And then you also get the little moments of how the brothers are handling this catastrophic event, how they react to the stress, to seeing their brother so hurt – Raph especially!  It’s pure character work and I love it.

After that, we get one episode of shenanigans, which is both representative of that “space to breathe” after Leo woke up, and also gives space for the B-plot (which is the truly arc-important plot) of Leo, now awake, dealing with his own handling of this stressful situation.

Is the A-plot of this episode quite as good as some of the ideas for the 2012 episodes?  Honestly, no, but just the fact that it’s carrying the Leo recovery story pushes it ahead.  We see Leo struggling with his failure, Raph stepping up to herd him back on the right track – the idea of physically remaking his swords to remake himself!  And, though we don’t know it yet, how hard Leo takes this is great foreshadowing to how he reacts going into his season 4 breakdown.

And then, having done the character work they wanted to accomplish, the writers go back to the main story.  The characterization here matters (and also is good) in a way that whatever is going on in the 2012 farmhouse arc just.  Isn’t. 

In my opinion.

Okay, rant over, winner is obvious, moving on.

Triceratons

Again, we’re not comparing most of the space arcs, as that’s apples to oranges, but there are two episodes that caught my attention:

Rogue in the House vs Dinosaur Seen in Sewers!

Here we've got two episodes where the turtles find a Very Confused Triceraton and trick him into helping them.

I like the 2003 one better.

Honestly, it comes down to the context of the episode.  Rogue in the House comes after the turtles have been in space and when they know more about who the Triceratons are.  2012 on the other hand is a sudden introduction to a new arc.

2003 also... questions the ethics of their decision more, by the end.  It’s a bit more empathetic?  And I appreciate that.

I will give 2012 credit that translating “we’ve been dropped into the middle of a war where both sides are bad” over to be attached to the Kraang, which they’ve built up already as a powerful alien threat, was clever.  It doesn’t have the same edge of commentary that “and one of these sides looks just like us humans” has, but it is clever use of their existing world-building, and I like it.

The Arena vs The Arena of Carnage

The most obvious connection in the 2012 space arc – the turtles get thrown into a gladiator arena.

Now, 2003 does have an unfair advantage in this comparison, as The Arena is heavily bolstered by the set-up work done in The Big House, giving you a sense of place, stakes, connection to the other characters...

That last bit is where my bias and personal taste shows: I really love the turtles making any kind of meaningful connection with other characters, and I find this more convincing in the 2003 version than the 2012 one.

But 2012 also weakens itself in its own right by doing some setup here with no long-term pay off.  You’ve got your fellow prisoner, who turns out to be a Triceraton who objected to the leadership's decisions... and after this episode, that means nothing!  Cool, okay.

Like I get that was a part of the episode they’re pulling from, but if they’re not planning on reusing that long-term story, then they really could have cut that aspect all together.  I know they have enough creativity in them to adapt the concept of “stuck in a gladiator arena” to do something more interesting, they’ve proved they have it in them.  They just... didn’t, and the plot point didn’t translate well.  Ah, well.

2003 also wins this one.

City at War vs... City at War?(???)

Look, I am only comparing these because they use the exact same name.  Otherwise, it’s nowhere near a fair comparison.  For 2012, this is actually part of a couple episodes where they talk about there being a power vacuum after the Shredder is out of the picture, but...

Can we be so real?  They don’t even get close to the scale of 2003.  Like with the farmhouse, it’s not that they don’t have any good ideas – I like the Don Visioso episode quite a bit – but it never gets to the depth or scale I want it to. 

Like, 2003 made it visually obvious that the city is falling apart, that things are really out of control, in a way you can feel. Though, honestly, I’m not even sure 2012 could reach the levels of 2003, because they never put as much effort into making their NYC feel... real?  I guess?

Also, the 2003 City at War arc is just.  It’s really good, guys.  It did such great work on Leo and Raph’s characterization, the danger in the city is palpable, the tension is thick, and then you add Karai on top of it all?

You’d think 2012 could push this, given the added dimensions to Karai and her connection to Shredder, but it ends up falling short.  Point again goes to 2003.

What a Croc! Vs It Came From the Depths (Leatherhead)

So. I am painfully biased, because It Came From the Depths is my favorite 2012 Mikey episode, and I thought What a Croc! was... just okay.

I frequently bemoan that 2012 didn’t lean more into long-form character arcs for their story, and this is one of the central episodes that defined my desire for Mikey’s arc.

The instant compassion and understanding he has for Leatherhead – the way he recognizes and is willing to work with his trauma responses, but also is childishly impatient with the process when it gets messy later on, showing he still has some maturing to do – it's great, and I love it.  I didn’t find the same kind of depth in the 2003 episode.

On the other hand, long-term I like Leatherhead better in 2003, just because he’s more present as ally, friend, or even family.  2012 Mikey’s always excited to see Leatherhead, but you don’t exactly see them hanging out.

But this is about the episode, and for that, I’ll give it to 2012.

Renet (Time Travails + Return of the Savanti Vs Turtles in Time + Tale of the Yokai)

I’ll be real with you, 2003 gains points with me just because this is another example of 2012 poorly shoving in romance. I would like to make it clear – I don’t have an objective issue with the turtles being in romantic relationships.  It’s just... don’t put it in there if the writing's going to be so... bad. And boring. And unnecessary.

Additionally, this particular example put me off a bit more because... hm. Okay, the episode starts with Mikey going “I'm never gonna get caught up in all that!" Only for the show to do the writing equivalent of saying "of course you will, as soon as the right person comes along. And here she is!"

And uhm.  Okay, so, I’m asexual with a big ? when it comes to romance.  So that framing is..... nghghghgh I don't like it. Like I get the joke, but it still gave me the ick.

Also it was another infatuation-at-first-sight situation like Donnie which. Is a romantic trope that is So Stupid, you CANNOT tell me that's how it actually works, I don't believe you, and also it makes for stupid, boring writing. So there.

Ahem.

Once you get past that, there’s points to be made for both episodes.  The way the 2003 turtles find Renet just kind of tiring but can’t help going along with her anyways is very funny to me, but 2012 lets them do Tales of the Yokai, and I enjoy the concept of them getting to see what Actually Happened Back Then, rather than just hearing subjective stories of it.  Adds some texture.

I dunno on this one – if it’s Time Travails vs Turtles in Time, 2003 wins, but once you move on to Tale of the Yokai I give it to 2012.  Call it a draw?

Loosely inspired by

Okay. So. These are things where I can’t say “Oh, they were just doing this story again”, but where I think there might have been some heavy inspiration.  Your mileage may very on these, and you could think I’m completely wrong, but I thought they’d be interested to talk about.

Even if they are from Back to the Sewers.

The Engagement Ring to The Power Within Her

April gets magic jewelry that possesses her, goes on a rampage?  Admittedly, the set-up is very different, as is the tone, but... well, you have to wonder.

I thought The Engagement Ring was one of the better episodes of Back to the Sewers, but as entertaining as it was, I’m still going to give this to 2012, I think.  I like things that have more build-up to them, and they did pretty good at setting up this episode ahead of time, building up that dread.  And it just did more with the concept, you know?

Also, it fit well into my interpretation/re-write of April’s character, so.

Identity Crisis to Brain Worms

I mean.  Turtles get brain-washed by the Foot, have to be broken out of it by being reminded of memories/who they were.  Methodology of the brainwashing is very different, admittedly, which is why I put this down here rather than in the main section!  But it’s similar enough for me to connect them.

This is another situation where I think 2012 took a concept and further developed it.  The brain worms are fantastically gruesome, and really treated like the existential horror it should be.  The amount of fics I’ve seen expanding on the brain-worms concept is proof of how it hooks in people’s brains.

Another point to 2012.

Conclusion

So let’s run a tally.

I'm not sure the two Back to the Sewer episodes count, but I also maybe have broken my rule on the farmhouse arc... I guess we could count those as half points?

Casey Intro: Draw

Window: point 2012

Farmhouse: half-point 2003

Lost triceraton: point 2003

Gladiator arena: Point 2003

City at War: point 2003

Leatherhead intro: point 2012

Renet: Draw

Losely inspired: cumulative point 2012

So that's... 3.5 for 2003, 3 for 2012, and two draws? Pretty close.

Realistically, I think these should be the two takeaways from my opinions:

First, 2003 better matches my personal tastes. I'm a character arc girly, and 2003 gave a lot more attention to that aspect of their writing than 2012 did, and that affects my opinions. See: the Vision Quest rant.

Second, what makes 2012 good is the stuff that’s specific to its iteration.

The way they adapted the Hamato Yoshi backstory from 2003 to be about Splinter and Shredder, making Karai Splinter’s stolen daughter, and how that whole plot line plays out.  The way they make the Kraang a whole organization, and their alliance with Shredder.  The full season, Rube-Goldberg machine buildup of plot.  These are all the thing that make it excel.

So... yeah. That's my thoughts. Your opinions might be different, and - if you're nice about it, please - I would love to hear your thoughts on what I've said, which episodes you like better, and why you like them! Shows hit different people, well, differently!

[papermonkeyism]

Poking at the dinosaur project thingy, this time with some production technicalities point of view.

Here be musings.

I originally thought of the project as a calendar, then a series of calendars that could be collected into an art book once enough art had been made for it, and at some point I thought of just skipping the calendar part and going straight for art books.

I've been going back and forth between those options multiple times over the years, and it's still kinda open. Like on one hand a simple calendar with just thirteen illustrations (twelve months plus cover) is the easiest and cheapest option, though pretty limited (what to do once the year presented in the calendar ends, and you still got unsold leftover stock?), and the other hand art books are big projects requiring lots of work, even more money, but be a lasting and very satisfying thing to have.

Maybe I should take a middle road and make a zine instead?

Maybe.

Though, this is where the shape of the actual project comes in.

I've always planned the project as having a slice of life style format, with little story and more focus in exploring the setting. Kinda just looking in and enjoying the view while you go. But I've noticed that keeping the "narration" as illustrations kinda keeps the immersion at arm's length too. While that is fine and dandy for a calendar where the space for any narrative would be very limited anyway, if I was going to do more with the setting, I kinda need something deeper. Even if the audience is fine just looking at pretty pictures, with ADHD it would be better to have something deeper to help keep me personally invested enough to actually plan, plot and produce the materials needed.

Should I make an actual story, with plot and stuff? Feels kinda unnecessary for a thing focusing on just illustrations, and I don't know if I really "click" with a text heavy picture book format. I kinda feel it would make comic as the best option, though that has its own downsides. I've always wanted to do full colour paintings of the dinosaurs, yet going comic it would have to simplify a lot and make it grayscale just to keep me sane. And, as someone who has done well over 250 pages of a long form comic, that's still a HUGE commitment I don't think I have the resources - mental, physical nor financial - to pull off.

I also kinda feel having a plot story would sort of detract from the "exploring the world" aspect and put more heavy focus on characters, which. Well, it's not *bad* exactly, just not quite what I want.

(Also I am aware the dinosaur clan I have has a kid character, and I don't want to make her the point of view character for the story. I have no interest doing a childrens' book. I mean, I am perfectly fine if kids do eventually end up liking my stuff, but I don't consider them my target audience. My target audience is me, an adult person in their later 30s, and a handful of nerds I consider friends and/or mutuals.)

Another option I've been toying with is kind of a double edged sword.

Those who got the Almost Real speculative evolution zine volume 5 got a bit of a taste of this, as I kinda tried it out there.

So... I've gone to pretty great lengths as a layperson to work in the setting of the project thingy. It's always bothered me when dinosaurs get just dumped into a story with no regards to when and where they actually lived, making for an anachronistic hodgepodge of what's popular forming into a mismatched fantasy setting, usually with throwing humans into the mix. I don't like that. I'm more interested in seeing the actual animals as they were, when they were and where they were, where the focus is in the dinosaurs themselves. Thus the limit to Two Medicine formation (with some of the surrounding areas included too, though still keeping to the same time period).

I do not want humans in my dinosaur stories. Period.

But what if...

So, imagine a research journal. There's a scientist visiting the clan of Singing People the project focuses on, with the mission of studying them, their life and their world. The book or zine or whatever could be a story of the dinosaur clan introducing themselves and their life to this person. An outsider point of view to excuse learning about them by them teaching this POV person how their world works. There could be some interaction and maybe interviews, and of course illustrations because you need to document your subjects after all.

Like, I'm kinda excited about the idea. It would let me get into the details I want to picture without getting too into the heads of the characters to limit the chances of artistic exploration. You gotta document the surroundings your study subjects live in after all! But you'd still get to know the characters because it's the job of the POV person to learn about them. Win win!

It's just that I don't want to put too much attention on this hypothetical scientist. Like I said before I don't want to mix my settings. The dinosaur project thingy's world IS Laramidia in the Campanian period of late Cretaceous, it's not meant to be a scifi setting, nor do I want to have any focus on any time travel.

Wonder if it would be possible to leave the scientist character vague enough to never actually get explained? They're just nameless outsider from undetermined time and place who's interviewing some dinosaurs. Maybe with some peronal opinions or musings but no anecdotes about their own life or themself. And whenever there's interactions between the scientist and any of the Singing People it just gets handwaved away. (Of course the Singing People are curious about them too, but that's not the point of the study so it just doesn't get documented or something?)

I don't know. Could that work?

[asurprizinglysanefangirl]

Name meanings of Star Trek main characters

TOS –

James - Supplanter; Holder of The Heel

Spock – I don't know

Leonard - Lion Strength; Descendant; Lover

Nyota – Stars

(Bonus - Uhura – Freedom (crafted from the Swahili word uhuru for the show))

Mongomery - Mountain Belonging to The Ruler; Man Power

Hikaru – Radiance; Light

Pavel - Small; Humble, Modest

Christine - Follower of Christ

TNG –

Jean-Luc - God Is Gracious; Bringer of Light

William - Resolute Protector; Will, Desire; Helmet, Protection

Data - Facts and statistics collected together for reference or analysis

(Bonus - Soong – Grandson, Descendant (it's a Chinese surname))

Deanna – Valley; Devine; Goddess; Church Leader

Beverly - Beaver Stream, Meadow

Geordie - Land-Worker, Farmer

Worf – I couldn’t find anything for either his first or last name

Tasha – Christmas Day, Birthday (Of Christ)

Wesley - Western meadow

DS9 –

Benjamin - Son of The Right Hand, Son of The South, Son of my Days

Kira - Mistress, Lady; Beam of Light; Black; Glitter, Shining

(Bonus - Nerys – Noblewoman; Hero)

Jadzia - Princess

Julian - Youthful; Jove's Child; Downy Bearded

Odo – Nothing [Cardassian meaning] (The following is extracted from the ST Wiki -  "Odo's name stemmed from the Cardassian word for "nothing", Odo'ital, which was the loose translation of the "unknown sample" label in Bajoran on his laboratory flask. After he was discovered to be sentient, the scientists began jokingly referring to him as "Odo Ital", in a similar manner to a Bajoran name, which eventually got shorted into simply "Odo".)

Odo - Wealthy; Inheritance; Richness [Human meaning] (Because apparently it's also a human name!)

Quark - I couldn't find anything

Miles O’Brien - Soldier; Who Is Like God?; Merciful

Elim - Place of Strong Trees

(Bonus - Garak – To Sojourn, To Dwell. Check this article out for more information)

Jake - Supplanter; Of Jacob

Nog – Agriculture (it’s a Chinese surname)

Ezri – Helper, My Help

Voyager –

Kathryn - Pure

Chakotay – Man who walks the Earth but only sees the Sky

Tuvok – I don't know. (There probably is someone who knows the Vulcan meaning of Tuvok and Spock out there.)

B’Elanna – (Belanna is an actual name) A noble woman who is beautiful

(Another bonus - Torres - Towers)

Tom - Twin; Innocence

Harry – Home Ruler

The Doctor – The name Jason means Healer, so I sometimes think of that as his name

Neelix – It was created for the show

Kes – I couldn’t find anything

Annika (Seven of Nine) - Grace; Favor; Gracious; Elegant

[katsona-the-katsequel]

Background Events: Persona Experimentation

Unethical experimentation on Persona Users has been happening since the beginning. But how has it evolved until now?

Warning: Some speculation will be involved.

TW: Human Experimentation

The Beginning

We don't have an exact date for when experiments related to Personas and the Collective Unconscious began. Phil and Nyarly's bet had been going for some time by the time IF took place. However, if we had to place a true beginning to the experiments, we would have to go with Stephen and the Demon Summoning Program. Along with Kyouji Kuzunoha, he's the only SMT character who's also canon to Persona. Makes sense, considering his weird transcendent nature. The tale may vary between franchises, but the Persona version goes like this:

By unknown means, Stephen managed to create the Terminal System to travel through computer networks. Since he's in a wheelchair in IF, then this Stephen also managed to connect to the Expanse (located in the Collective Unconscious) with the Terminal System. Since he didn't have a way to communicate with the demon who crossed and no Persona to defend himself, Stephen was was attacked and subsequentaly crippled. All of this had to have happened before 1996 for the timeline to make sense (Side Note: This also tells a lot about Stephen, since the incident had the perfect conditions for an Awakening).

The incident led Stephen to create the Demon Summoning Program, probably for personal use, since there was no upcoming war to prepare to (that Stephen could have known of). For some unknown reason, Stephen chose to upload the only copies of the program in the computers of Karukozaka High School. Was he an alumni? Did Stephen realize teens had more probability of connecting with the Expanse? Were Karu High's computers just that good? Who knows. Only Hazama and Tamaki took the program serious enough to use it, even if it was against each other. But that's a story for another time.

Like St. Hermelin would in a few months, Karu High briefly made the news before the entire incident was forgotten. That is highly suspicious on itself. My assumption is that there truly were some experimentation going on before this, amd they made sure to silence the press and make sure the students didn't snitch. Since Tamaki managed to hide among the student population as another victim (probably with Stephen's help), they never questioned her on her abilities nor disappeared her.

But who are they? Well...

SEBEC

The first formal organization seeking to gain a foothold in the Collective Unconscious was the Japanese branch of SEBEC, leadered by Takahisa Kandori. Their story goes like this:

When Kandori took over as head branch of SEBEC, they began to undertake the creation of a device capable of transporting matter from one place to another. Kind of like a portal. This had the main objective of helping to lower freight costs of imports and exports. Maybe even erasing them entirely. Key contributors were Setsuko Sonomura (an engineering specialist) and Dr. Nicholai (a scientist). Kandori kept the project so under wraps that those involved basically lived in the installations. Together they created the Dimension Variable Accelerator System, or DEVA System. However, they also pulled a Backrooms and accidentally connected to the Collective Unconscious.

It is probably at this point that Kandori awoke to his Persona, which was hijacked by the real Nyarlathotep. And thus, Kandori became a puppet in The Great Bet while believing he was achieving world domination or something like that. "But, Kati," I can hear you saying, "all of that was about the Collective Unconscious. Aside from Kandori, there were no Persona Users working with SEBEC".

Oh? OH? So quickly you forget about him?

Takeda. The man, the myth, the barely remembered NPC. All we know about him is that he is Kandori's right-hand man, the head of security at SEBEC and a Persona User. We don't even know what his Persona is, only that its couldn't handle the combined forces of the St. Hermelin students. His existence does imply something deeper: SEBEC is already employing Persona Users to their cause. They probably didn't know much about the phenomena (understandable, since they had just finished the DEVA System) and didn't have a definitive way of figuring out who could be a User and who couldn't. For all they knew this could be random. And so, a not-so-stellar security guard rose to become the second-hand man of the main antagonist. Just because he had the same power as him.

As we know, Kandori and SEBEC failed. But what was the fate of the staff that worked on the DEVA System? What about the little knowledge of the Collective Unconscious they had?

New World Order

Due to Nyarly's meddling, the NWO was founded in 1979 after they found Kiyotada Sumaru's head. They might have had supernatural advice from an ancient head and the backup of one of the most powerful beings in the Persona Universe, but no real Persona Users. Not one of those people had their shit together. The closest thing they had was Chizuru Ishigami, who was a sorcerer (most probable given true power by the Rumor Curse). When the time was right, we can assume Nyarly guided them to the remnants of Kandori's fuck up. The NWO revived Kandori and began their recruitment of the now-lost scientists and inventors. The NWO gave more freedom to their researchers than SEBEC did, which eventually led to the beginning of true human experimentation.

We don't see the worst of it unless you play Tatsuya's Scenario, where the hints they leave us are enough to call for a second Doctors' Trial.

Yikes. And this was only one known experiment.

Like SEBEC before them, the NWO also fell. But they weren't the only ones running supernatural and unethical experiments in 1999.

Kirijo Group

With the creation of the Dark Hour, demons shadows weren't only a danger of the Collective Unconscious anymore, at least, as far as the Kirijo Group knew. Now those in the know had to watch themselves every night to avoid being attacked by them. They couldn't always rely on the perfected version of the Anti-Shadow Suppression Weapons. That must have been the moment when they began to hear rumors of supernatural events in Sumaru City, which led them to the crumbling NWO.

As it turns out, the entire Death Incident a couple of months ago left a huge vacancy for their supernatural research division. And these guys seem like they have fresh ideas that might just solve their self-created problem! A secret scramble must have taken place where the Nanjo and Kirijo Groups tried to covet all the info and personnel that had anything to do with the NWO. Those who weren't important enough to know the truth behind Kiyotada Sumaru's head and their self-proclaimed high-class greatness could have become the precursors of the Conspiracy.

And so, the Kirijo Group now had better scientists, inventors and researchers than before, and more willing to dab on unethical territory. With the need for defense, the former NWO scientists must have suggested they try to create their own Persona Users, like the ones who kept barging into their labs back in Sumaru. Thing is, no one there knew how a Persona User came to be. They did seem to have the power to control a shadow to do their bidding... maybe all they had to do was link (whatever that meant) a human with a shadow. The survivors of these experiments would become bodyguards for the Kirijo Group's excursions to Tartarus. No one would last long, though.

Skip a couple of years and the unexpected happened:

A natural Persona Awakening.

Note was taken of the factors that had to do with the event: the User was a child and she had been in a highly stressful situation. This is how the Kirijo Group rounded up the 100 children they would experiment on to create Artificial Persona Users. All of them dying except for three: Takaya Sakaki, Jin Shirato and Chidori Yoshino (and Sho Minazuki). This violation to the Nuremberg Code probably fell to the side when Mitsuru found and recruited two natural Persona Users on her own. Nothing like flushing dozens of children's lives down the toilet.

We must remember that the Kirijo Group didn't know everything about Personas, and so believed that the stressful situation with a dash of fear of death was necessary every time the User wanted fo summon their Persona. And so Evokers were created. Better not think of the trial and error that led to those inventions. Nor the one that helped create Persona Suppressants.

Who cares if three failed lab rats ran away? Now the Kirijo Group had true Persona Users with them.

A lot happened after that, but that is a story for another day. What about the hypothetical precursors to the Conspiracy formed from the high-profile members of the NWO? The ones that fell through the cracks during the power vacuum?

The Antisocial Force

For once, this wasn't Nyarly's fault. The basic rich bitches would have remained basic rich bitches if it wasn't for Yaldabaoth. The creation of the Shadow Operatives and the less restrictive hold on Kirijo Group employees probably made all that Persona and Collective Unconscious experimentation more of an open secret in the science community. And like hypnosis, this is one secret that most didn't believe until they witnessed it themselves. Not all were skepticals, and those interested were recruited by Masayoshi Shido for the creation of the Antisocial Force.

They would be the new oppressive entity in this area, suppressing information and giving stitches to snitches. This wouldn't stop "Cognitice Psience" from becoming an increasingly popular field. Who knows what kind of experiments happened in and out of the Antisocial Force. They couldn't have been the only ones.

If there is one thing the new Kirijo Group managed to contain, was the knowledge of the creation of Persona Users. The Antisocial Force didn't even have the research from the original NWO scientists that would help them create Artificial Users. Yaldy had to put an already-Awakened Goro Akechi in Shido's path for them to have a User. And even with an actual User, they couldn't replicate the circumstances that could have helped create more. I doubt Akechi was very helpful with that, though. Can't have any potential substitutes for his job.

Nah, the Antisocial Force's forte would never be Persona Users, but rather humanity's cognition.

So, what was the order of events?

Stephen created the Terminal System and began working on the Demon Summoning Program.

SEBEC began working on the DEVA System.

Stephen completed the Demon Summoning Program.

SEBEC finished the DEVA System and, after Kandori's Awakening, began to recruit Persona Users (at least one other than Kandori).

After SEBEC's fall, the New World Order recruited the staff that worked in the DEVA System.

The NWO began to experiment with demons and humans.

The Kirijo Group hired all the scientists and inventors from the NWO.

The Kirijo Group began to create Artificial Persona Users.

After Mitsuru's Awakening, the Kirijo Group focused on children experimentation.

The Antisocial Force began to recruit experts in cognitive psience for personal experiments.

[windvexer]

hello! another little question on tarot if i may.

when i read more casually my readings were usually very relaxed and with simple meanings, accurate with by the book meanings but not super specific. as i become more ambitious i became super motivated to learn all the nuance i possibly can, its an interesting journey but.. doesnt seem to work in practice. i always knew it but everyone and their mama will always have interpretations that can seem stupid to others, even among experts in the field. question is how do you deal with that?

Im seeing that as my study deepens and Im working with Apollo to achieve that, some interpratations that are organically coming up and rooting themselves in my practice can seem just straight up weird to some people. how do i deal with that? have you experienced that? everyone seems so Agressive about their interpretations being the proper ones.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

You must engage in the most batshit methods of reading tarot. You must design your own systems of reading with all the glee of a young boy throwing rocks off an overpass. You must read tarot so bizarrely that it makes you feel like a mad scientist.

You must decide for yourself every rule and ritual which makes tarot "work," and you must develop methods of reading that hinge upon destroying those ideations. You must make vehicles of meaning, drive them as fast as you can down the freeway of tarot, and crash them at full speed into brick walls. You must laugh at the fiery destruction you have wrought, and you must sprint all the way back to the launch pad to begin building something else.

They will be Aggressive with you over what the cards really mean? They are fools. They do not know the depths to which you can tear apart their petty systems. They think the extent of tarot perversion is choosing the wrong meaning for the card. They think this because they have mistaken the surface of the water for the depths of the ocean.

They think the height of tarot discourse is whether or not it's okay to not memorize card meanings. They think tarot is a pretty sea turtle languidly drifting in a sunny reef.

Go down in that ocean and dredge up the most horrifying bulbous-eyed god-defying pale abomination you can find. Map out new depths of horror. Make friends with the purely absurd. Perform atrocities with tarot and hang each one around your neck like the badge of honor it is. Crack tarot's spine and drink from the fluid that drips out. Become a monster, do you hear me?

And when they smirk at you because they think they know better words to tape to the Knight of Swords, you will open your mouth and say the most dumbfounding shit that person has ever heard and blast them with a ray of psychic damage so severe it will make them question if they should keep reading tarot lest they be associated with someone like you.

"Well akshually, knight cards do the queen's bidding, so in this case-"

"Haha, yeah! Once for a couple of months I worked exclusively with a system where the four knights were the rulers of the deck. I divided up the major arcana cards between the knights as their servants, but since there's one card left over, I incorporated a system where one of the four knights was the 'ruler' of that reading. Then I laid out all four knights as signifiers and dealt the entire deck between all four knights and the reading was based on which omens were collected under the ruling knight."

"Haha, yeah! Once for like two weeks I assigned all the court cards to be my favorite anime blorbos and I read from a restricted deck that only used court cards and major arcana. I'd draw one major arcana card to be the battlefield setting and then two court cards. To resolve the reading I wrote fanfiction about the characters fighting and whichever character won would decide the outcome of the question. It's actually how I got started using creative writing as a form of exploratory divination!"

"Haha, yeah! One weekend I decided to find out what would happen if I read in such a way that sword cards could 'kill' other cards in the deck, and the Knight of Pentacles ended up getting 'killed' like three times that weekend and ever since then it's always coming up in readings about sadness and depression, isn't that weird?"

"Haha, yeah! Well today I'm reading with a system where I meditate until a recurring character from my dreams appears and asks me to possess one of my tarot cards, and today No-Eyes the Whale asked to possess that knight card, so that's why I'm not using your meanings."

Do they challenge you? They cannot challenge you. Are you not shuffling right? Are you getting scolded for not fOcUsInG enough when you shuffle? Look them in the eye and say something so deranged they will think about it for the rest of their life.

"Haha, yeah! I remember the last time I used those meanings, it was so fun. I got drunk, shuffled my tarot deck, and laid out piles of three cards around my house, sight-unseen. For the next three days I kept running into these little three-card readings hidden everywhere, but funnily enough, they all ended up being past-present-future readings of the ten second timespan when I picked up the cards. I even predicted getting the phone call about losing my health insurance!"

"Haha, yeah! I actually decided to re-assign every single card to my custom twelve element system, so I don't see the same divisions between the suits as you do. Look, this card is the element pearl! Pearls are an element, I decided a couple of months ago. It's a really long story but it helps explain what happened to No-Eyes."

"Haha, yeah! I don't use intuition to choose cards out of a lineup. I turn them all face up and select all the cards that I think are the most likely ones to show up in the reading. Then, I go through the entire deck and match every single card with it's polar opposite. Then, I put the deck face-down and flip cards over. If I flip over a sword or a wand card, I exchange my chosen card with its opposite, but if it's a major arcana card I keep both my chosen card and its opposite."

"Haha, yeah! I don't shuffle. Like, at all. Once I'm done with the reading I put cards on the bottom of the deck and then just draw new cards from the top of the deck."

"Haha, yeah! I mixed all my decks together and sorted the superdeck into piles of every elementally aligned card. In order to resolve questions I have a yu-gi-oh duel with myself."

Eat the tarot. Consume it whole and raw. Tear away at it until you fear there is nothing left, and then go back for more. Each time you eat its heart, it will become refined before your eyes. Assist the tarot in shedding its decrepit cloak of meaning. Rescue it by killing it. Rend tarot in your hands like a child ripping at crafting clay.

And if you destroy it well enough, and for long enough, it will be reborn in your hands as it was meant to be: glimmering and pure, whole and new, ineffable and eternal, your dearest friend,

and so shiny and smooth that no meanings at all can stick to it.

That is what you do with people who get Aggressive about what the cards really mean.

[mushroomcrepe]

Hi i'm back about Senku and Byakuya because they are everything helppdkfjeke

I felt my post [x] about their father-son relationship lacked their shared love for science, because i was worried the message of my post would give an "science is only what makes them close" impression. But I think it could be interesting to talk about how Byakuya's view of science influenced Senku's view of science.

I won't talk about much about Senku personal relationship with science, because a famous manga called Dr Stone already talks about it in numerous ways (go check out i swear it's good), and I wouldn't have the words to give another interesting perspective.

So Byakuya's point of view 100% oriented Senku's vision of science and way of using it. How ? Well first he is a very dedicated man. He dedicated his life for the progress of science in his way. As Senku said, he was accepted by the Jaxa not for his scientific capacities, but for his "vigor". Now i can't say with confidence just how athletic he was (all astronauts have to be, and he sure was ripped hahaha), but i am sure there were younger more athletic people than his 40 years old self out there. I rather think when he said vigor, it was also a matter of mental strength.

We never, ever in the whole manga saw him give up on trying. We saw him fail sometimes like any human, but he simply doesn't give up. And Senku witnessed that his whole life too, even after his death. How Senku couldn't pick up on that and become the not giving up, going step by step, trials by trials and try and find out person he is now ?

His father waited 10 years for the opportunity of being astronaut, waited in his peaceful rest millenias for Senku to wake up, tried again and again for ramen space food, and also never gave up on trying to bring fun or romance in science things to his son (ex : the moon following him, the fireworks). Even if it's not something his cartesian mind enjoy, Senku saw that his father never stopped being himself. He showed him a science where he could fully be himself and have fun in his way.

Byakuya works for the progress of human civilisation, that's something drilled in his mind and he died with this belief. He worried about the precious ressources being less accessible so he collected as much as possible to be sure that civilisation could grow again. Of course, like said in the first post, his son was a very important source of motivation. But remember when the children of the astronauts asked him why he didn't stop, he answered "because i'm an astronaut".

Everytime he mentionned he is an astronaut, it always felt special, almost solemn which show how serious he took this job. An astronaut, the epitome of scientific progress and the very pride of humanity.

He is a man of science, he doesn't have the scientific brain of Senku or his deceased colleagues, but he has the mindset of a scientist. And this is what Senku got from him. Senku was already walking toward the sciences by himself, all Byakuya did was showing him the mentality of a scientist that wants to discover and help the futur of humankind. That's why they both decided to bring back humanity, they just worked differently for it.

Byakuya worked until someone took his place, which is Senku, that he considered as the next astronaut, the next scientist working toward the progress of humanity.

(unrelated note : he literally, in this world with nothing left to give, prepared an heritage specifically for Senku before his passing which is his final gesture as a father. Really what a character Boichi what happened in your mind)

Byakuya showed Senku how science isn't about only cool technology or data pilling up, it's about methodic work, trials and errors, sharing your competences with other to achieve better... Actually, he showed him that despite everything, science was profoundly human. That's why Senku respects people's personal capacities, like when he explained the division of work to Magma, how he's opposed to Xeno's opinion about the use of science (not developping to prevent spoilers)...

One of the things that shows the best this division of competences is the Yuzuhira/Taiju/Senku bff trio or the Creation/Labor/Science pillars. The trio represents 3 distinct characteristics you find in humanity and they still are the closest characters in the manga.

To conclude Senku way of doing science is so much like him, his personality really breathes through his silly ideas and ultra ambitious plans (who would have think of making a phone in a stone world ???) because he learnt from Byakuya that used science while being himself (the record disk to transmit a song and one last message)