#another room to avoid it
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really wish i had a gauge for what a normal expectation of privacy is :ppp
#personal#i have been told im more private (secretive) than people typically expect from others#to be clear i am specifically antsy about being like overheard by others#anyway my roommate started streaming games this summer and she assumed i would want to be out of the house for it (i do)#but multiple people when i tell them this are like ‘why??’ which like.#because i don’t want my face/voice online like that…#but like whatever she’s respectful of that idiosyncrasy so it’s fine#anyway but i also kind of want a heads up now if she’s gonna be on a discord call for an extended period of time#becauseeee she doesn’t mute unless i specifically ask and like i don’t want strangers knowing my business#and ESPECIALLY since i learned one of the friends she’s on call w sometimes streams incl. the discord channel?#and so if im on there my voice will be streamed to tens of people#which i realize isn’t a lot but also like!! i don’t want that and to me that’s perfectly reasonable#like im in my house i shouldn’t be recorded & either put on the internet or broadcasted to her friends if i can help it#like if i know then i can just stay quiet/leave the room#but i don’t know if the second part is reasonable bc everyone i ask says the first is silly#and frankly i would really like to know#not bc im talking like a whole bunch & that’s what im worried about. like i can be quiet for a few minutes#but bc i have a tic disorder & there’s something very uncomfortable about like having those sounds recorded & i would like to just go to#another room to avoid it#and yeah i have confirmation the noises are picked up when she’s on call with other people#and when i say ‘now’ maybe i should specify she was telling me before & stopped#but then like saying it like that makes me sound a little silly i think bc i seem very paranoid about being surveilled. which i am#i just don’t know if this is an instance where im being silly or it’s reasonable#ANYWAY
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None of our hands are clean
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#mianmian#The secret meaning behind one of the jin members scuttling off is:#I couldn't make three people work out in the remaining panels and per my rule of '3 attempts and take a different approach' he had to go.#Sometimes there are meaningful reasons why something happens in the background. And sometimes it is like this.#Let's just say he saw what was about to happen and got out of there before mianmian started throwing hands.#Okay no more delay. The sheer boldness to call WWX a killer in a room full of people who wear their war body count as a badge...#It's about hypocrisy yes - but it is also about how the narrative shifts on the same action depending on the frame.#Because at the end of the day...the blood on our hands is still blood on our hands.#Both the deaths on the battlefield and the deaths of the Jin's abusing the Wen remnants are still deaths caused by another.#They are also deaths that - depending who holds the frame - are noble acts to protect others.#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.#It is about the need to be seen as the victim to avoid culpability.#Because if you aren't responsible you don't have to be held accountable. You don't have to grow or change.#If someone takes all the blame then there is no need to reflect on your own faults.#We have to protect our fragile ego from the mirror lest it shatter and we have to remake it anew.#Horrifically enough...even if WWX spared the Jin guards or even never ran into Wen Qing#He wouldn't have been able to escape being the scapegoat. He downfall was set into motion a long time ago.#My goodness...What a deliciously tragic story Wei Wuxian's first life was.
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Prompt 334
So. Danny has discovered he might erm, might be technically a necromancer. At least as far as magic is concerned. Like even if it’s just via resurrecting himself the magic side of things (god, he’s more scientist- sided dangit) count it as such.
Which means that half the time someone tries to summon a necromancing-esque being, he’s the one who gets tugged if he’s even a centimeter within range. It was annoying enough in high school, it’s no less annoying in this world they’ve all moved to.
On the bright side, thanks to also being half dead himself, the summonings and other rituals can’t actually drag him somewhere. It just causes him to feel like someone was crushing a lung or two, which honestly nothing new. (Gosh were those days of vigilante work really that violent? Huh, guess they were)
What he wasn’t expecting was for a tiny child, a living child, to track him down despite him not existing legally or anything similar in this world, to revive their previous local child vigilante. Which like, hey, first of all, he has a few questions? Just a couple and yeah sure, he’ll shake on it- can he have your name first there kid…?
Tim, on the other hand, is getting a little concerned when he realizes a lot of the questions the probable-fae keeps asking are in line with the stuff CPS asks. (Unknown to him, that is exactly where Danny is getting several of his questions about this scrawny vigilante kid. Erm. He might have to take the kid, for like, his own safety- hey Frostbite he needs your help he has some questions-)
#Prompts#DCxDP#DPxDC#Tim: I’m not getting adopted#Danny already setting up another room in his Lair connected to an apartment door:#Danny to Jordan & Ellie & Jazz: You might be aunts/uncle soon a tiny vigilante child tracked me down#Danny: Tucker I need assistance in the digital sense not the reality bending sense BUT-#”Sam I need your entire list of foods & humanely dispatched meat products I might be acquiring a child soon”#Tim (later): In avoiding getting adopted by my associate Batman I may have gotten adopted by a necromancing space fae#Danny is not ghost king#It’s not said outright but it can be Eternal Trio#The three of them are vibing in this other world after graduating college#And decided where they want to go next
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round
#disco elysium#assigning characters my thoughts pt.1#avoiding the problem of poses coming out too stiff because I haven't drawn human bodies from references in years by not drawing 90%#of the body 👍#(I do have another thing with a couple of full bodies even if it's much more stylised. but who knows when I'll finish it#if I'll finish it before I think it sucks. ai also have a fourth that I barely begun. and a fifth that's just in my head#who knows maybe I'll think they suck. I already think the one I doodled with kim's room was too rushed. needed a couple more panels)
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i might just lay down and die just found out my ra for this year is someone my roommate used to be friends with til she posted a jews r the new nazis "becoming what you once hated- ironic" on her story and a whole thing supporting oct 7. like not even a post just her own heartfelt thoughts about how awesome it was.
#i never even saw the post bc i had unfollowed her by that time#i heard abt it from this crazy zionist i know who said she posted hitler was right#& i knew they're a liar so i asked for screenshots & they kept avoiding me#so for literal months i was in this horrible limbo every time i saw this girl i was like she *could* be a literal nazi.#but she could also just be a regular terrible person who said something shitty but not THAT#& that was horrifying the one time i was alone in an elevator w her i was not managing#finally someone else showed me the screenshot so i know exactly what it said#which like. really isnt much better. but hey#anyways idk who to email abt this bc i cant be alone in a room w her#& i dont think anything ever happened i dont think anyone said anything to her. shes on the board of a club#with another insane girl btw but im not even gonna get into that.#oh and shes living two doors down from me#oy. i need new friends terribly#& my friends from my first month of college also have their best friend living on this floor i hope they never set foot in it tho#if i see theater kids on a bad day its over#sigh#delete later
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Mutuals if u ever want to come virtually visit me I now have a guest duplex you can stay in 😚
#today's a deeply hard day for me so i am just fucking Logged In to try n avoid a breakdown#omg i just realized the steps are like the steps to a classic Philly apt#this is another pallette swapped and modified villager house#i added an extra 3 square blocks to the upper room but even so its a bit tight. tried to make it as cozy as possible though
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Genuine question, not trying to start a fight, why do you get so upset about gods and churches being presented in a negative light in fictional works?
No pbs!
I guess it's a mix of being too common, too forced and having, in general, the cast use common tropish arguments to fight /defeat them.
I rant a lot about this game, but take TS where we have three sort of factions opposing each other, and each are supposed to suck. Who is the faction who never receives any "positive traits" or "pet the dog" moment?
The game force fed us a scene where an Aesfroti soldier - when Aesfrost is depicted as a highly militarised nation with a cult of personality towards their current ruler, that invaded the protag's home and slaughtered several civilians and NPCs in the process - say goodbye to his wife and kids before going to "war" to defend his land against, well, the protags who are invading it to kill their warmongering leader.
As force-fed as this scene was, it, I believe at least, tried to tell us that even the Aesfrosti who pillaged villages and killed their inhabitants are humans, and care about their loved ones, sure it's corny, but it's all about not deshumanising any party.
When we attack Hyzante? Niet, zilch, nothing. No similar scene where random soldiers, or NPCs, worry about what is going on and if they're going to die when their wall has been breached. They just, don't exist in this context.
I think the cherry on the cake is the Golden Route scene, where, apparently, nationalists Aesfrosti decide to turn back against their ultra charismatic leader because, uh, he "lied" when he declared the war and used a false pretense, so the soldiers and people who were butchering babies and invading a city where people were preparing a marriage apparently now have morals and rebel.
There's no similar scene for Hyzante when the cast reveals that the teachings of their Goddess were made up and salt wasn't exclusively given to them by divine intervention, because rock salt exists everywhere. Sure it would be a bit weird and forced that people thinking they're chosen ones and looking down on everyone else suddenly, hm, don't break down when their entire system of belief is shattered, but hey, if the Aesfrostian Gregor can have morals after washing his hands of all this Glenbrookian blood, why shouldn't religious npc #55 not make the same heel face turn?
And then, we have the slavery/human experimentation plot - in general, when TS tries to give nuance, they more or less explain/justify why something that "sucks" is done, it's basically Silvio's character.
Aesfrost' Gustadolph manages to push his "freedom" mentality because his land is a harsh place where people are desperate to survive, salt smuggling is reprehensible, but it's the only way to give some to the ones who cannot afford it. Of course is everyone is free, no one is because, as Gustadolph puts it, they're basically free to die for his ambitions.
Hyzante? Follows a racist creed where Rozellians have to pay for some great sin, and are slaved away in a lake to recover salt until they die. It's, later, justified by Hyzante wanting to keep its salt monopoly else they don't have anything, and wanting to curb down the Rozelle people because they know about the exitence of rock salt (and I guess getting free workers to harvest salt from the lake + having state enemies make his own population docile/not willing to rebel ?).
And then, we have the human experimentations, that are just done for, uhh, Idore's lol. When Hyzante is known for its "advanced medicine" and we could have had the usual dilemna of, idk, having those humans experimentations used to develop this medicine that is reknown in the world (idk, sacrificing a Rozellian to save someone else's life?) - it's not the angle the devs picked. Rozellians are sacrificed to power up an idol, Idore wants to control the world through his idol and soft power (compared to Gustadolph's hard power) and manipulates his people (just like Gustadolph) to do so.
The two are very similar, but who is the final boss? Complete with a transformation in an eldritch monster? The war-mongering imperialist or the jaded old man who is leading de facto a religion?
Hopefully there's the entire "human experimentations for no other purpose than the lols" to settle them apart.
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I recently watched Dune, and even if I have some issues with the adaptation, the Bene Gesserit isn't portrayed as "comically" evil-er than the Harkonen Empire, I reckon the comparison isn't adequate, because Dune is multi book series when I'm mostly talking about video games.
Symphonia's church of Martel is a font for the Big Bad (tm) to put in motion his nefarious plans, and yet, through the game, we see how random clergymen use their, uh, religious buildings to help people around. Ultimately Martel herself is reincarnated through plot device and tells the big bad to stop being an ass and the story is less about "church and gods evil" but "big bad distorts Martel/church's teachings and role for his plans because he has a tragic backstory"
(but then Symphonia ends with the biggest whitewashing from every Tales I've played for its big bad so I'll stop talking about it because otherwise I'm going to be salty).
Abyss' church is more or less the same thing - the Church is supposed to help people deal with the fact their verse has "predestination stones" where the future is already written, and in the course of the game, we see how it has several factions and one opposes the group (who has the pope as a NPC!) - but it's not a story about "gods bad church BaD".
I remember playing Suikoden Tierkreis a long time ago, and while the game seemed to go through familiar "church bad gods bad" route and we end with defeating a god-like entity... I pretty much loved the twist that, in a game that relied on alternate dimensions/universe, the god-like entity was actually the protag if he made different choices!
In those games, if you fight a religious body and someone pretending to be a God or what not - it's not because people fight against an eldritch creature who wants world domination and to erase puny insects, or is the reason why everything goes wrong, but because, at the end, the conflict/fight is ultimately caused by someone, generally a human or at least a non "god like" entity, wanting to destroy the world.
I don't remember if FE was my first JRPG series or not, but I always liked the idea that if the world is doomed in those games and the heroes must prevent said doom, it's not because a god-like being wants to destroy the world, but because people, humans/randoms are the most shitty ones out there.
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As for the "tropes" often used to deride fictional churchs and religious people, well, I will again point to TS - which did a splendid job in the Benedict Route where you smash Hyzante after allying with Aesfrost.
There's one battle where out protags diss Hyzantese because they worship a goddess and have no free will, listening to Her teachings and Her says (the traditional "religious people have no free will and listen to their churches who tell them how to think!") - which is immediately countered by one of those Hyzantese characters asking Serenor if he's not the same, but instead of blindly listening to a Goddess, blindly follows Benedict. And it ends with the final chapter title referencing automatons/puppets : who is that title talking about ? The fake "idol" Idore created, or the fake "king" Benedict created?
Anyways, the usual "religions people have no free will because their church/religion tells them how to think" trope reeks of r/atheism and the double standard - bar in this route of TS, but I guess, in TS itself in the Roland route! - is never called out, blindly following a charismatic leader is okay, as long as charismatic leader isn't religious?
Regardless of my IRL thoughts about religion, usually those tropes are presented as a "gotcha!" when they are... not at all, but the games/books leave it at that and we're supposed to roll with it.
I'd say it's lazy writing or, as we saw in Naruto, a quick way to end a story without having to dwelve in characters and their motivations : "you're a god/alien/other being and you're bad, so let us do what we want!" - end of the story.
Hopefully some fillers and to an extent, Boruto gave her more meat bar being the 11 hour villain we had to defeat quick and who manipulated the previous sad'n'lonely antagonists - but it still felt rich from Naruto, known for his famous "talk no jutsu" and trying to understand people he's fighting against, to drop the ball with Kaguya, calling her pure malice and ending with some "let us live the way we want" to wrap up the plot so he can wrestle with his boyfriend later on.
In the end, we often end up with "religion bad bcs the big bad manipulates people through it", as if those mangas/animes/vg never have other examples of charismatic people not using religion to manipulate their randoms/people or "gods bad they should let humans do what they want" when we've read/seen/played through various, uh, really fucked-up shit humans did - but on their own! and ultimately, but it's more in fandom spaces, with have Projection 101.
TLDR : church/religion/gods are too often used in those works as the ultimate scapegoat to either wrap up a story in a rushed ending or to pretend to have "nuance" but still have a common enemy where all the "nuanced" characters can grow/be whitewashed and side together against that "common enemy".
Just like in all things I guess, I prefer when something isn't painted as purely negative and all of the positive traits are erased because there is a need for a perfect scapegoat - sure, bring out too much "nuance" and writing/designing a game/manga/anime becomes harder because there's no "clear cut" antagonist, and yet, the one who always gets fucked in this scenario is the religious/church side.
Want a generic stock villain who will destroy the world so the heroes have to fight against them? Just create a "religion" in your setting, and have the big bad either hell bent on resurrecting Chtullu to destroy the world because Chtullu BaD, or have them be the most corrupt piece of shit who manipulate everything in the shadows, so the rest of the world, even the ones who slaughter others bcs they feel like they must start a war, can be whitewashed at the end.
I mean, there's a saying about diverting attention from a fire by starting a bigger one near, or a trope of "aliens made them do it" : who cares if Madara started a continental war and targeted a village full of random civilians he swore to protect because he lost the elections? Did y'know he was manipulated by a woman, I mean, an eldritch thing created by a woman, regarded as a God, who ultimately wanted to get out of her fridge to kill everyone?
Roland must get over his hatred for Aesfrost for barging in his kindgom and killing hundred of his people while they were preparing for a wedding, because hey, Idore is evil and plans on ruling the world through his sham religion!
I'll forever be salty at TS for not giving Kamsell the occasion to rise against Idore, or not even have minor NPCs get the same treatment as Sycras suddenly going all "u lied to me gustadolph so i won't listen to u anymore + sad goodbyes to my wife'n'kids".
Extremism of all kinds can lead to wars/tragedy/fucked up shit - Sure I don't want to get my History lessons in video game medium when I play lol, but what I really don't like is how it feels like depicting "they're extremists because they're religious" feels like the default/easy answer : want a bunch of brainwashed people the heroes must fight against and can't talk no justu their way out of this fight/will fight without looking too BaD? Depict those people as "misguided" members of a corrupt church/believers of a religion, no one will givea fig. If they are instead supporters of a charismatic leader who throws them through the meatgrinder to further their goals? Well, there's no automatic loyalty so either you have to show/depict it on screen, else it can be challenged at key points to demonstrate how those people - who follow the charismatic leader - aren't completely "mindlessly listening to their leader" or how their leader "isn't that bad after all".
#idk if it makes sense anon#replies#anon#i'm not tackling the fandom projected takes anon this is another can of worms#I'm not immune to it far from that#Having grown up in a post 2000s world with some people lit being asked how dare they be religious and all#'religion is the only reason why people do those horrible things' dude are you serious? Did you open a book recently?#TS was really mind boggling about the duality between 'regular' imperialism and 'religious' one#and how one faction got way more care than the other to make a clear cut villain#Also blaming everything on Gods/evil cults etc etc imo is often used to remove agency from people X or Y who start shit#That's why I really liked Fe Jugdral#sure we have nutjobs going to say everything BaD happens because of Loptyr#But DiMaggio seducing Aidean? Danan turning Isaach in a giant brothel? Slavery in the Thracian peninsula?#Dragons in this opus are sitting on the sidelines and only itnervening when one of them starts shit#but otherwise? Humans are allowed to be shitty without blaming 'Gods' for behaving like they did#and they receive their due#From the Tales I've played they mostly avoid this general religion BaD#even if iirc it's one of the plot points in Berseria? who would have guessed lol#I guess I'd say I'm not seriously upset whenever a game/manga ends up with 'akshually the religious faction was the big BaD'#it's just the same canned ravioli again and again#but whenever games/manga/anime try to give some grey morality to antagonists#the ones who always are wrecked are the religious/god-like entities#Is there any room for nuance when one faction has no other reason for doing the things they do bar 'for the lols/bcs i was told to?'#fandom woes
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Spring 08: Now or Never (10/25)
Sadie waited for James after her class was over.
“Sade!” James called as he came down the stairs, “I just had the best idea for a song!"
"Maybe we can work on it together tonight?”
Sadie smiled and nodded.
“I love working on songs with you, so I’m absolutely up for that,” she said as they exited the building together.
“But we should get some snacks, because my songwriting brain needs food to funct...” She stopped mid-sentence at the sight of a boy sitting on the bench outside the building...
... Finn.
#Okay it's like this#yes Finn does live in the same building as Sadie and James#But his room is on another floor#And Sadie has sort of been avoiding him too...#So they haven't really spoken for quite a while...#atoh#ts3#the sims 3#sims 3#sims story#sadie stevens#james wyler#finn richardson
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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It's honestly pretty frustrating sometimes how I feel like so many people say they love Martha, but mostly what I actually see people saying about Martha is how much she probably does/should hate the Doctor for not returning her crush, or sometimes how much people hate Blink/Family of Blood/Last of the Time Lords because they were hard for her.
And like, the former of those is frustrating because a) Nobody is obligated to return someone's romantic feelings, b) Being oblivious to someone having a crush on you might suck for the other person but is not actually a moral failing and c) Martha was sad about it but like. She didn't leave because she was furious at the Doctor for not returning her crush? She left because she knew her crush wasn't reciprocated and wasn't going to be, but couldn't get over it on her end while travelling with the Doctor. And also because the past year had been pretty traumatizing for everyone, including her and also the Doctor and also everyone else who was on that ship thing.
Anyways
I just wanted to talk for a bit about the things I like about Martha, or that are interesting, that are unrelated to those points above.
I think she's the first companion in New Who to join Unit, and I think still the only one to be a medical doctor with a strong scientific backing. Which is cool!
I think it's interesting that in the first episode she appears in, her family is shown to be kind of messy and kind of frustrating, and it feels like that's something she's a little glad to be getting away from for a bit when she travels with the Doctor (though it's not the reason she travels with them). And then, at the end of the season when her family is in danger she prioritizes their wellbeing enough to snap at the Doctor about it. If I remember correctly their phones were tapped or something and it wound up making things a bit worse, but I appreciate the nuances of her relationship with them and how important they are to her despite the messiness.
Despite all the ado made about her crush on the Doctor, I really loved how she really seemed to get the point of travelling with the Doctor. I think that she nailed both the joy and excitement of the unknown, and the compassion and sense of care that motivates the Doctor's travels, and which I think is vital to all of my favourite companions.
It also contrasts in interesting ways with how her personality shifts after she stops travelling with the Doctor - she still cares about people's wellbeing and seems to value the things she learned while travelling, but working with Unit and Torchwood does make her more military, and then of course doing freelance alien fighting (? or something?) in the End of Time.
I think Martha and the Doctor are an interesting duo because they contrast each other in interesting ways. They're both compassionate, hopeful but practical, and good at what they do, but they reflect those qualities in ways that almost, but don't quite, fit together nicely. They don't conflict, really, but they're not quite sustainable either.
They work well together and care about each other, but they're too similar in some ways and too different in others to ever quite see eye to eye, which is why they end up going in different directions. And I think that's not anyone's fault, or indicative of any deep flaws in either of them. Or even really a tragedy, because Martha seems to be doing new and interesting things every time we see her, with plenty of options available and a decent rapport with the Doctor whenever they show up.
Anyway this got way longer than I meant it to. Tldr: There are so many more interesting things to say about Martha than just "She must hate the Doctor". Here are some of them.
#Also I didn't have room here but. I understand hating the family of blood stuff but. John Smith is not the Doctor. That's the whole point#John Smith is absolutely rude to Martha and I dislike him as a person. But he is also not the Doctor#And I absolutely do not believe that the Doctor handpicked the persona and went “Yeah. Making him rude and racist and like guns”#I think they just got out the chameleon arch and said#“Here's the time and location that gives us the best shot at avoiding the family of blood. Give me and Martha random identities. Thanks”#That said it's actually not an episode I particularly like so I don't know why I'm rambling about it here#I get anxious about things where characters are Not Themselves and being rude and mean in ways they aren't#And also found the ending a little Too Much personally#Anyways I'm just monologuing now#Doctor Who#Doctor Who Meta#Martha Jones#I am talking#I am just some guy (gender neutral)#This post brought to you by another person joking about how Martha is so strong for putting up with the Doctor because of the crush stuff#And me as an aromantic not enjoying the implication that I am something to put up with and that the most interesting thing anyone can say#about a dynamic between two people is how much it sucks that one of them didn't know the other had a crush and 'led them on'#or whatever. But just ranting about that again didn't feel constructive so I tried to say more interesting things instead
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I drew a great couch out of its place near the corner, so that as I lay, I could look at the lovely view to east and south, and unthinking of and uncaring for the dust, composed myself for sleep. I suppose I must have fallen asleep; I hope so, but I fear, for all that followed was startlingly real—so real that now sitting here in the broad, full sunlight of the morning, I cannot in the least believe that it was all sleep. I was not alone.
May 16
When, an hour or two after, the Count came quietly into the room, his coming awakened me, for I had gone to sleep on the sofa.
May 28
I came back to the library, and read there till I fell asleep. I was awakened by the Count, who looked at me as grimly as a man can look as he said:—
June 29
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I just noticed this little detail today. Every time Jonathan falls asleep somewhere in the castle other than his room, he's awakened by vampires. He never wakes naturally, every time it's at the approach of a predator. And while Dracula at least certainly doesn't stay out of his bedroom, as far as I remember Jonathan never is woken by him there. Every time he mentions waking in his room it's a natural awakening.
Furthermore, these three events get closer. The first time, the three ladies are across the room from Jonathan and approach from there. The second time Jonathan wakes as Dracula is entering the room. This time, it sounds like he comes over and wakes Jonathan up himself, probably touching him or at least getting close and speaking to him.
It's a neat detail.
#dracula daily#jonathan harker#by neat i mean alarming#oh boy#speaking of jonathan's choice to sleep in the library#a part of me wonders if it is in an effort to still be in the Safe Zone while staying outside his room#on the chance that he won't get locked in again unable to intervene if dracula brings back another child#i dunno because it's not like he hasn't been locked in the library before too. maybe he just wants to avoid staring out his window#wants to occupy his mind somehow by reading#but i kind of like the idea. he knows there's every chance it may not work but this is at least one small thing he can do differently#(attacking dracula would be as fatal in that situation as walking out to the wolves would've. but if there is another child--)
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jfc just caught a look at myself in the mirror and my eye bags are so bad it almost looks like actual bruises
and I looked like this all day. no wonder my manager was acting so concerned
#no wonder my ex-service dog has been following me like a second shadow#ive been cleaning to avoid doomscrolling and she usually hides in another room
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you guys just don't know how to write angst anymore. putting people who say they like "toxic yaoi" in my dni cause they have no idea how to actually write toxicity
#I feel like a lot of this toxic blah blah stuff is fancy internet lingo to avoid accusations that you just enjoy abusive dynamics#without actually developing them or doing anything interesting. like if you're gonna say you love toxicity and codependency#and then just make fluff and smut about it without actually taking the time to explore and deconstruct it#then you're romanticizing it. are you not?#especially when the pairing in question has had extremely negative (beyond the scope of basic enemies to lovers) encounters in canon#just because you're using cutesy tumblr.com lingo doesn't mean you're absolved of actual development#and I'm saying this as someone who really likes this kind of trope because it gives room for monumental character exploration#and as a victim of abuse myself. I'm not saying write an essay I'm just saying why hype up how toxic and shitty they are for each other#just to turn it into fluff/a meme. like the actual negative parts of the dynamic don't matter? I though you guys condemned romanticization.#it's genuinely fascinating how the internet will deem one pairing abusive and bad but another with the same dynamic is just toxic yaoi?#I'm not sure where the line is drawn but you can't have your cake and eat it too.#and if you're going to try tackling a dynamic that's heavily abusive (“toxic”) then you can at least try to#justify it in a way that isn't just 'um well funny fandom meme ☝️'#you just want to skip all the development and get straight to the gushy parts? fine. not saying you can't. I can't tell you what to do.#but it does massively cheapen the dynamic and make it seem like you don't actually care about the characters you just want to ship somethin#I HATE CANON X CANON!!#slash nobody here#decrees
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I think I am getting better at guarding my heart :')
#i know it can sometimes be hard to even be in the same room as him so i simply do not let myself be in the same room :)#or at least politely avoid him. which is a big step for this anxiety riddled people pleaser#anyway i learned that i can literally hit da bricks if things are heavy to hold! i literally can study in another room!#and it isnt a crime or offensive it is what i need and i dont HAVE to be unnecesarily uncomfortable/sad on a random weekday afternoon!
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one thing that fucking sucks about being an Adult™ is its no longer acceptable to hide in a separate room away from Relatives during holidays
#nutmeg rambling#my brother and i would usually just stay in another room and just Do Whatever#but now i have to Talk and Listen To Everyone#and try and avoid blowing up
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