#another low effort shitpost because i can

[tyrianludaship]

miss pauling and the mercs after witnessing the administrator and her barely alive ex-husband crumple to dust in front of them:

[seannessy]

⚠️POLITICS⚠️

haha bet you forgot through the shitposts that i have a bachelor's degree in political science

here's a bunch of reasons why Kamala Harris is going to win the presidency because i can never find the effort to edit this into a video:👇

1. The current polls are VERY biased towards republicans. Most large polls just take the averages of other smaller polls, and right now the GOP has been dumping LOTS OF MONEY into publishing a lot of fluff polls in swing states to make themselves look better and to get more donations. Democrats don't usually publish their polls publicly. Odds are it's another red mirage.

2. The majority of people who Trump is catering to just don't vote. A lot of the latest pushes in the Aiden Ross Gamerbro communities are not reliable voters, even as loud as they are online. You cannot convince me that the twitter edgelord crowd has ever even seen a ballot in their lives.

3. In elections canvassing matters by about 300% more than advertising (my own ballpark estimate, not a specific datapoint, but still very true having worked in both canvassing and campaign marketing). The only people signing up to canvass for Trump are just stealing Elon's money, meanwhile people are flying out from all 50 states to swing states to canvass for Kamala.

4. "This is Hillary Clinton all over again." No it isn't. Hundreds of papers have been published that all agree that the reason Hillary lost (besides the Michigan debacle) was that largely a lot of people already assumed she was going to win, and so they didn't go out to vote. Sean Westwood did a really good paper on this in 2018, the more likely you are expected to win, the less of your supporters turn out. The entire narrative is that Kamala is either tied or behind, so anyone who supports her will NOT be sitting this one out.

5. Kamala just did a MASSIVE rally event in Texas. Texas. In this part of the campaign, any sane strategist would tell you to do ALL campaigning in the swing states, so this makes no sense... unless internal democrat polls are saying that Texas is now winnable for democrats. I will remind you that Texas is not NEARLY as red as the stereotype says, and Greg Abbot has himself previously said that Texas would have gone blue if not for all of the voter suppression he did. I'm not joking. This is real. The only reason Texas is still Lean Red instead of Moderate Blue is because of insane levels of voter suppression by Texas GOP.

6. When turnout is low, republicans win. When turnout is high, democrats win. Turnout is already STUPIDLY high in the early voting metrics. Even higher than 2020 (which i will remind you, we won) in some cases.

7. Voter demographics just aren't on Trump's side here. Lots of republicans have bled out of Trumpism, and in a close enough race as this one looks to be even a few thousand republicans deciding to stay home could make or break it in a lot of states. Additionally, while Trump has made a lot of progress in minority voters (daily reminder that the median voter is stupid enough for "median voter" to be used as a slur in political science communities), Kamala has the white woman vote locked down. And oh no! Look at that! Which voter demographic is orders of magnitudes both larger and more active voters than all of the minority demographics that Trump has been gaining in? Yep! Kamala's lead in the white woman demographic has entirely erased Trump's gains in other communities. Abortion was the final nail in the coffin of republican chances, they took the mask off too early. The dog caught the car and didn't know what to do with it.

8. Voter demographics are STILL not on Trump's side even ignoring all that other stuff, because keep in mind, Trump voters have largely been older people, and the waves of people who elected him previously have... well they've kind of died. Covid really didn't help with that. I mean obviously not everyone, but like, this is a close race, and a very large chunk of those voters have been reincarnated as plants or whatever now.

9. "The X Factor" is 100% on Kamala's side. By that I mean just the force of raw charisma, the Kamala campaign is just more appealing and less unnerving to the general population. I really hate to keep hammering this but oh my god dude have you SEEN JD Vance????? Even after the debate where he performed as best as he possibly could and Walz performed as bad as he possibly could, samples STILL said they supported Walz over Vance by a factor of 85 PERCENT.

10. "The Shy Trump Effect." There's a myth a lot of people believe that Trump underperforms in polls and overperforms in elections because voters are shy to admit they're fans of him. A few things. #1: This was disproved so many times, including in Sean Westwood's previously mentioned paper. #2: Even after it's disproved, many polls already factor it into their calculations, which is actually INFLATING his odds in the polls. #3: Anyone who would have been a Shy Trump Supporter either just isn't going to vote this election cycle or is going to follow the Cheney's lead and vote for Kamala instead. This is probably the one election in our entire lives where Democrats have appealed to the right and it actually fucking worked.

11. Polymarket. A lot of people point to the new Polymarket as evidence that Trump has a lot of support among the average joe crowd. These people have no idea how the Polymarket works. American citizens legally can't bet in it, and the only way to get around that is by using Crypto. How many tech illiterate boomers do you think are going to know how to use both Crypto and a VPN? All of Trump's support there is coming from techbro whales or people in other countries. Infact, I think the number was that about a whopping 30% of all bets made on the side of Trump were sourced back to this one French Billionaire.

That being said, it's not a predetermined victory. Currently I'd put the odds at anywhere between 60-40 and 70-30 in favor of Kamala, but that still leaves Trump plenty of room.

The moral of the story is that things aren't hopeless! We have a very good shot at winning--as long as we all keep pushing like hell!

Oh also, if they try another Jan 6th, reminder that Biden is now the one in control of the military and national guard at the capital. Lol, Lmao, even.

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 8 Matsuribayashi pt. 8

Now, whether or not this sways your heart towards sympathy in the forthcoming events is really something to mull over. Can suffering tragedy at such a young age justify the eventual atrocities one winds up committing in their adulthood? That really depends on you, and your outlook on morality I suppose. Just as a random example, can having an abusive childhood excuse you from ordering the deaths of two thousand or so people?

Probably a smart thing to be doing when you’re not a hundred percent sure if you’re still being hunted for escaping the abuse factory.

Nothing to really do with anything, but how much do you suppose something like the console ports of Higurashi cost to make? Couple million, maybe ten at most (translate into whatever yen amount is appropriate, I used USD)? Obviously you have to pay your voice actors, and the artists for the new art, but it probably isn’t something that breaks the bank right? I know that it’s not exactly a precise tool to use, but according to steamcharts the highest player count for one of these games tops out at around 350 people. Again, not a precise tool because these have probably been available elsewhere for years prior to their steam release (for instance I play them on GOG, except for Hou+ which didn’t release on GOG for reasons I don’t know).

The reason I bring it up is because despite all the new art for some of the scenes, and characters and so on, I can’t help but love when it goes with a relatively low tech option and just zooms in on a characters face. Like the scene where Miyoko is yelling at God in a thunderstorm above. It just pixelates it a bit, and I find that kind of endearing that despite throwing more money at these higher-end ports it still has these small rinkydink workarounds.

Also, and I know I say this a lot, they haven’t quite said who the mysterious voice Miyoko heard was that day. Perhaps they’ll say who it was later on in the chapter, part of me wants to assume it is some aspect of Hanyuu. Even though that doesn’t make a bit of sense considering this scene occurs far away from Hinamizawa.

Another thing I thought about doing just because it amuses me is I’m considering plopping Miyoko’s head onto Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body from Predator.

Yeah, that’s the stuff right there. (The most annoying part is finding pictures for my little shitposts that are actually decent quality, and not 320x200, incidentally I had to get the screenshot myself from a copy of Predator I owned). I don’t know why you people put up with my medium effort sillies.

God’s not done with you yet Miyoko. Although it is remarkable you didn’t get blasted with a bunch of splinters when he struck the tree with lightning. Also, not to keep the plot from moving along, a burning tree does provide some warmth you know? Probably not where you should hide since the people from the orphanage would probably check around the remains of the tree, but you know, temporary solutions.

Also, just a fun amusing fact, when the lightning strike happened here it caused the game to crash. It was pretty funny timing all things considered.

Not to yell at the fictional child, but maybe you should count your blessings kid. You’re out of the rain for the moment, you don’t have to sit in the rain and catch pneumonia. I like the phrase of “it looked like this phone booth had been put there as punishment for doing something bad.” It’s a very amusing line, and it definitely strikes me as the sort of thought a kid would have despite their recent difficulties.

[miguel-owhora]

Rip, I didn't see your post yesterday about the reaction YouTuber/College AU. Well, I think Micah wouldn't really go to college on his own; he is just there because, like in Canon, it's a tradition for the Bells. (The tradition of being shady criminal lawyers instead of outlaws is simply because I like Better Call Saul. Someone please give me better ideas.) So while Amos is actually doing it and working for his father's company, Micah is just at this college to half-heartedly study law so his father can't complain or something. 

Micah's channel definitely has some stupid rat machcott similar to Schlatt with goats because, why not? I'm half German, aka I grew up with JuliensBlog. Micah definitely has some decade-old video, which is a tutorial to hit women as insane ragebait, together with his early videos being shitting on news papers and news channels. I don't got a lot for you today 🙏

OG Anon

god i love this au so much

Micah studying to become a shady crim. lawyer is so true. He's actually very intelligent but pretends to act dumb, and I feel like his half-hearted effort only exists bc he doesn't really need to study all that much. Coming from a bloodline of shady lawyers means he more or less has a solid idea of procedures and terms and whatnot.

That being said, I don't think he ends up working for his father's company, which I imagine is probably located somewhere in Cali (following along the canon timeline of Amos moving to Cali, i think?) and stays wherever the hell the AU takes place to instead work for Dutch's shady law company; which, since we're on the topic of outlaws = shady crim. lawyers, most gangs are shady law companies. It fits so well, you're so right.

People still don't like Micah because he's still so crude and perverse, and just the biggest troll to walk the world. Dutch only hires him bc of his connections to Micah Bell Jr. (Micah's dad, idk how names work tbh 😭) and realizes he'd be good for their business + he's also Arthur's bf.

On another note, Micah doesn't really care for anyone else other than Arthur, and maybe, Amos, but just barely. He thinks Amos is a suck up for following in their dad's footsteps and for trying to earn his approval, so he looks down on him for that, but has very low contact with Amos bc at the end of the day, they're still brothers. But he truly does care about Arthur, and does love him. Like genuinely, wholeheartedly, does value Arthur.

Anyways, in the beginning Micah didn't really post, and if he did, it was shitposts and obscure, and insane ragebait as you put it. As he grew in popularity, this didn't change — well, if only to follow the YouTube guidelines. Just barely tho. Anyways, as he grew in popularity, so did his haters. They doxxed him and swatted him, sent him death threats, and Micah would just double down.

I imagine they'd try to get him kicked out of college or get him fire, but either they forget or don't know that 1. he has money, and not just from youtube, but from his lineage of being successful lawyers, even if that money is less than earned. and 2. Dutch won't fire him. Not because he's Arthur's sweetheart and he doesn't want his son to be angry at him, but also bc for all the wildcard that Micah is, he's actually good at his job. Like genuinely, bc c'mon now, we all can agree that Micah is a good ass criminal. He's a literal career criminal.

Anyways, I'm in love with this AU, i could talk about it for years

[the-dragon-twin-demons]

Notes of warning/importance

I have a slight headcannon for some lore here. The circles are giant domed cities connected to one another via tubes with plenty of ventilation to keep out the mists from what I call the badlands. These mists corrupt almost all who enter by first slowly but noticably draining a demons sentience turning them into beasts of burden with one mission and one mission only...Feed. of course it also slowly corrupts the form until it's a complete feral form of itself. The only beings so far known to resist the mists were Lucifer and Lilith aside from the dragon twins. I also suck at art like my blog description says so I used avatar makers to make the pictures here and I'll just use an image of deathwing from world of Warcraft/blizzard entertainment for Bahamut 's dragon form and an ancient silver dragon from DND/wizards of the coast for tiamaht's until I can better form arts of the dragon modes better myself.

Roleplay rules&info

Minors DNI

Bahamut is straight and Tiamaht, Ruby, and Lillian are lesbian both dragons are polyamorous and imps are monogamous

Shitposting questions are not allowed so no "ur mom gae" kinda stuff.

If absolutely necessary I will deactivate anon asks but I don't want to for now and will change this bit of text if I had to.

Be respectful of others and me as a person out of character because in character is one thing, lots of folk in hell are pricks. People have their own lives and luxuries to live and experience and don't deserve to be rushed or disrespected when you don't even know the person in the slightest.

Sexual asks I must mention be kept to an all time low or just not at all but there are characters like angel even if they're not other men or other angel dusts and I can't stop them but in most cases I won't be answering them

Character intros

These are the twin dragons of hell Bahamut (left), Keeper of Knowledge was manifested billions of ages ago when Hell was a singular realm and not split into the 7 circles that we have now in modern day. According to many legends of him (and to confirm them) he IS Hell's oldest living encyclopedia and a master strategist. He has the wit, but not the power, to far exceed any modernly known demon...including the Radio Demon himself. But if he were put into a fight of raw power against say, angel dust, the spirder'd be burned to a crisp. He believes in Charlie's ambitious nature but as a Primordial Daemon, Bahamut is bound to Hell and can never be redeemed despite his efforts and has made peace with that. (Physical notes not said: he's 5'10, he's not lacking for anyone he's with and though I didn't find a good one he does have a longer tail to sell the dragon aspect further)

His sister Tiamaht, Protectorate or Relics(right) was a demon born before Hell was divided into the 7 circles we know now. She, like her brother, is an extremely loyal demon. She is the strength to her brother's strategy yet is far more nomadic than him. Of course she's not all that into planning without Bahamut there. Unlike Bahamut though she uses ice magic instead of flame magic. In person lately she is very tomboyish and kind of a dick but openly admits as such but follows up with "people need people to be blunt sometimes and it's not easy but if I'm the one who has to in situations I'm then I'll make sure I tell it how it is" (physical details not told yet: shes 5'3, they may not be bif but her partners love em, also has a tail she uses to teasingly spank partners.)

And below this text are the dragon forms

Other OCs

Name: Ruby Bakers, Age: 1845, Gender: post op MtF (bc apparently males have thick white stripes and that's how to differentiate and I just thought it was a humans gender dimorphism thing which made me pick these horns before I knew), Orientation: technically lesbian now but she's attracted to women. Job: Helluva Post delivery woman

(Both Ruby and Lillian were made using this ⬇️)

Name: Lillian Servont (pronounced like servant but it's Ser-vahnt), age 1576, gender: cis female, orientation: poly lesbian, job: personal assistant/secretary to the first overlord to accept her application (will edit this post to change that) so that she can run a business specifically meant to send people on that path.

[memoirsofareddittroll]

AITA Shitpost #1: If you're from Africa, then why are you white?

So, here we go with the first one dating back to January, 2022. This one I'm particularly proud of, as it was my first, and it reached over 100 comments shortly before being recognized as fake by the mods. You can find the original post here (although, since it was locked, you won't be able to read it). Luckily for you, though, I still have the account and can thus share the post with you below.

"AITA for not knowing a lot about geography?

I use a throw away, because this situation is apparently embarrassing for me, so I would prefer not to be traced to my real account.

This started when I (24M) overheard some friends M (24M) and G (25M) talking about economics. I decided to join in, because one of them said the phrase “African immigrants,” which I thought was quite humorous, because it is an oxymoron. I pointed this out, and they both just looked at me. G asked me do I know what an oxymoron is? And I answered yes, I think it is a contradictory phrase. G then asked me what was the contradiction? to which I responded that “immigrant” implies to leave ones country, and one doesn’t leave ones country when he or she goes from Africa to the other states. Then M asked me what had I meant by “other states”? I responded that I had been fairly certain that Africa was a state, and that if it was not then it would not make sense to say common terms like “African-American,” as then being African would not make you automatically American.

Indubitably the conversation devolved to M and G mocking me for having thought that Africa would be apart of the United States. It became particularly bad when M said that what I had said was stupid, which obviously angered me, so I told him to shut up, cursed him out, and then remarked that him being a knowitall was the reason why no one liked him. M and G became really defensive after I said that, therefore I have seen neither of them since the argument. Since then, all of our mutual friends have been phoning me and saying I was rude.

On one hand, I feel that I may have been a bit harsh on them. On another hand, I have always considered myself a considerably intelligent person, so I think it rude and dishonest for M to insinuate that I am stupid. So, Reddit, AITA?"

Looking back on my first piece after a year of shitposting, the most striking part to me is that my work has gotten kinda sloppy over time. I put a lot of effort into my first post—here you can clearly see a well-defined character (well, more like a caricature, but in r/AITA terms they might as well be synonyms) which was carefully infused into the writing in a way that I unfortunately haven't been able to replicate since. I'm sure you noticed how pretentious I sounded throwing in clunky grammar and misusing words like "indubitably" and "therefore."

I also had a good bit of lore prepared—my character was eventually intended to whip out the fact that he was a member of Mensa as a last resort (as if that somehow excused thinking that Africa was a state in the US). Unfortunately, this is where I got a bit carried away with the commenting and eventually got my post taken down.

My personal favorite exchange in the comments was my third (and last!) comment here, which I think might have been what gave me away to the mods.

I learned from my mistakes that Africa is not a state in the US, and I now know that it is a country in its own right!

The thread got reposted to r/AmITheDevil, which is one of my main criteria for success in these stories. Most people there were calling me out as an obvious troll (one even dared to call me a low-effort troll, which I took particular offense to), as opposed to the maybe one or two comments on the original post calling it out as a shitpost.

Maybe I leaned into the dumb American stereotype too much, but I guess that's the whole point of these shitposts. Either way I still look back on it as a success, even if it did have some rougher aspects.

Anyway, my second post was more successful and was never removed (and even includes some DM action!) so I might post these out of order to let it stay up for a bit longer. Let me know if liked this, thought I was a pathetic loser with no life, or want to see more, or just generally what you think.

[enki2]

So, as somebody who was paying close attention to both generative art and generative text years before GANs & LLMs were invented (both the actual tech on the ground and how the media & regular people talked about it), I have a couple things to add. (Also relevant experience: I've written freelance for outlets with varying degrees of clout, self-published, gotten my stuff published in small-press anthologies, gotten paid for non-LLM machine-generated text by a small press who was featuring gen art, commissioned art, and spent a bunch of time talking about GANs with both professional illustrators and people who do art commissions.)

For one thing, text generation that's good enough to generate shitty children's books & nonsense essays has been around for a lot longer. I absolutely do see writers freaking out about LLMs (and the writers I see freaking out about LLMs are exactly the same demographics as the artists I see freaking out about GANs: amateurs doing freelance/commission work), but I think freelance writers have more or less accepted that they've never been able to make a living off this stuff & they also have noticed that their shit pay doesn't seem to get substantially more shitty (or their commissions substantially more rare) even after all the scary articles.

For another, every minor advance in generating art of any kind (including visual and textual art) produces dozens of low-effort sensationalist articles about how robots are gonna take artists' jobs. (It doesn't matter how shitty the output is: look at coverage of that TV screenplay writing program from the 50s.) These articles tend to have a big but short-lived effect on the discourse, and then are completely forgotten -- with the same people freaking out about what is essentially the same article about the same technology several years later. GANs and LLMs have stayed in the news a bit longer because non-technical people were able to play with them through several generations of development -- but this doesn't guarantee that the freakout will "take" (nobody spent too long worrying about botnik's autosuggest-keyboard was going to put comedians out of work, even though a lot of people found it very useful for comedy writing). It may be chance that GAN sensationalism hit a particularly sensitive audience, who now is stuck doubling down on dubious ideas because people post a lot of GAN images & trigger them, rather than amateur illustrators somehow being less capable of critical thinkers than amateur authors.

There's also a much bigger gap between drawing furry porn on commission and being a professional illustrator than there is between writing blog posts and writing a book, in terms of typical workflow. Professional illustrators are used to painting over photobashed models (which is almost exactly the same as painting over a GAN-generated image -- which you'd need to do in order to make it into something of publishable quality) while amateur artists of the kind I'm characterizing here tend to come out of the "do not steal my OC" corners of fandom spaces & idealize originality in a way that's not really compatible with commerce. Meanwhile, both the random Medium publication that wants to republish your shitpost & the New York Times is gonna basically gonna do collaborative editing on google docs & then try to figure out a way to not pay you. So, writers in general are not under the illusion that their work is valued, while digital painters who have not yet interacted with The Industry often are under that illusion.

Another factor is that literacy is more common than visual literacy. Most people can tell that an essay is dogshit because they themselves wrote dogshit essays in high school & got reamed out for it. But most people cannot recognize the illustration equivalent of a C+ essay. What's more, most people can recognize when an essay is poorly structured even when all the words are spelled correctly, while an image with reasonable anatomy but poor composition does not register as an unacceptable image. (I think most people can tell when somebody really knocks it out of the park -- the image equivalent of award-winning poetry has exactly the same kind of impact as award-winning poetry -- but most art, like most writing, is mediocre, and it takes a lot of learned skill to distinguish between two slightly different shades of mediocrity.)

Honestly kind of interesting to compare the relative intensity of response to AI art from visual artists/illustrators and writers - there's plenty of, like, high-minded worry about the potential damage of people using ChatGPT as a search engine/personal assistant or whatever, but basically no one seems to viscerally loath it like people on here do Midjourney.

[bowieisworried]

check in tag!

I was tagged by @freeflyingfairy

Why did you choose your url?

I changed it back when Peter Capaldi was the 12th Doctor, and it was a reference to one of his interviews. I had 2 urls before this one, but I’ve been bowieisworried for years now

Any side blogs? If you have them: name them and why you have them.

I’ve got 3 sideblogs: @oneuskreativ @shineekreativ and @vixxkreativ I made them in case anyone wanted to follow me for my oneus/shinee/vixx content without wanting to deal with everything else I post

How long you’ve been on tumblr?

December 20, 2012

Do you have a queue tag?

‘q’ - so low effort it’s unbelievable, and half the time I forget to use it

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

No idea really, but the things I reblogged at the start were basically just all of my interests at the time: Avengers, Supernatural, a variety of rather old actors... and my URL at the start was a reference to ‘There Will Be Blood’ starring Daniel Day-Lewis, so probably that.

Why did you choose your icon?

Because Hwanwoong is an annoying little mofo who hijacked my soul

Why did you choose your header?

For my desktop header: I love Oneus and No Diggity was the reason I got into them For my mobile header: Taemin is a bamf and the SuperM teasers were absolute perfection for him. Shame everything else about SuperM is cursed and should never have seen the light of day.

What’s your post with the most notes?

A Blaqk Audio (Davey Havok and Jade Puget of AFI) gifset I made in 2014: https://bowieisworried.tumblr.com/day/2014/12/05

How many mutuals do you have?

No idea, hit me up when Tumblr actually gives us helpful stats natively

How many followers do you have?

I had 910, but I just purged all the inactive blogs and now have 545. But I also know that about half of them are invisible followers, like everyone elses inflated follower counts on this hellhole site. So in reality, about 250 genuine followers.

How many people do you follow?

194 (I had a purge when I came back to Tumblr this year)

Have you ever made a shitpost?

Technically yes, I’ve made many, but they were all just submitted to @choicemillionaire and never saw the Tumblr dashboard... thankfully.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

On and off all day, no idea how many times the app gets opened.

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

I have had many an argument with morons on Tumblr, and I’ve always won because, unlike some people, I admit when I’m wrong.

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

One of the most annoying things about this site.

Do you like tag games?

Yeah, they’re always fun.

Do you like ask games?

Aye, although most of them seem to have been created by 12 year olds which just makes them redundant.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

None of them, probably. Hell, I can barely even remember who actually follows me anymore.

Do I have a crush on a mutual?

‘Crush’ doesn’t cut it. Also far more than a Tumblr mutual, someone I knew for a fair bit before we realised we were both on this daft thing. Not naming names, because I’m a kind soul.

[animetrashlord-007]

Tumblr Takeover

Word Count;; 2.2k

Genre;; Fluff

Pairing;; Ushijima x Reader

Summary;;

You groaned as you scrolled through your Tumblr profile, glaring at the content that seemed to have no end. What used to be your messy, themeless blog filled predominantly with anime, nightblogging and the occasional debate, now contained volleyball. Only volleyball.

[The cringe is real, folks]

Notes;; Published: 2017-04-06

My Masterlist

   You groaned as you scrolled through your Tumblr profile, glaring at the content that seemed to have no end. What used to be your messy, themeless blog filled predominantly with anime, shitposting and the occasional debate, now contained volleyball. Only volleyball. You slammed your laptop shut before packing your school supplies and running out the door. Your teacher would never let you hear the end of it if you were late for the third day in a row, even if you tried to pass the blame onto a certain third year. It was his fault after all; he altered your entire blog overnight without asking beforehand, and the early morning discovery put you into a temporary state of shock. You growled and quickened your pace - no sane teacher would accept that excuse and you had no intention of gaining detention because of a volleyball-obsessed dork. Once you reached class (on time, much to your amazement), your irritation faded. As much as you hated to admit, it wasn't his fault. You should have expected this to happen sooner or later. You knew what you were getting into when you shared your account with him. He had told you his intentions at the beginning: Ushijima wanted to share his love of volleyball with you and your poor followers.

   It wasn't like you disliked the sport either; you knew your school’s team well enough to attend their matches (with only mild persuasion necessary on their part) and, while you could see the appeal, it wasn't your first pick for a hobby. In fact, it wouldn't be your second or third pick either, but if you had to choose a sport… you might consider it. In all honesty, the thing you enjoyed most about volleyball was the players. Shiratorizawa’s team was determined and they had talent. Somehow your admiration for their abilities had led you to befriending each of them to different degrees. When you saw Tendou in the halls, you’d yell manga references at one another, each quote becoming more obscure than the last, until the bell rang and you both bolted to class. Goshiki did his best to avoid you after watching you challenge Shirabu to an impromptu dance-off, which, to his horror, his upperclassman accepted. Neither of you were being very serious as you dropped it low and pumped it up, laughing at how stupid you both looked, yet Goshiki claimed to be scarred for life. At lunch most days you pretended to study with Yamagata and Ohira whilst spamming Semi with memes and vine compilations. He once blessed you with a response, and had it not been at two in the morning after a long night of studying, you would have been impressed with the video of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” on loop for ten hours. Never in your life would you have suspected to be Rick Rolled by your senpai, but you weren't one to back down from a challenge. Feeling invigorated, you continued to spam him every chance you got. To his regret, that included sending TED talks about asexual reproduction in various species in the dead of night when you were unable to sleep.

   “I think the real question here is why the hell do you watch videos about animal reproduction at midnight every week?” Semi sighed as he wiped the sweat off his brow before throwing his towel at you.

   “Gross! I don't want your stinky towel!” You snapped, tossing it back. You grimaced as you stretched, the obnoxious cracking of several joints resonated throughout the gym. After being hunched over your textbooks for the first half of their practice, it was nice to stand up and move your tired muscles. Goshiki muttered a protest to your presence under his breath, which you elected to ignore.

   “No way, she still sends those to you?” Tendou bellowed, slapping his friend’s back with a grin. The setter shrugged, shooting you glare before walking back onto the court, leaving you with the middle blocker. His grin fell into a devious smirk upon seeing your narrowed eyes. Knowing full well what his mind was focused on and that he had no intention of letting his inquiry go unanswered, you stalked toward the door. He kept pace with you, poking you as he continued, “You can't avoid it that easily.”

   Feigning naivety, you quipped, “I don't watch them, I just send them to Semi to bug him.”

   “Oh, no, no, you don’t. Not that question, the one before that. Why don't you annoy Ushijima like you do everyone else?”

   You allowed a quick smile to flicker across your features before turning to the boy who was still following you to the door and ignoring his coach’s calls to return to the damn court already. Pure bliss flooded your mind as you pursed your lips, hand lifted over your heart in mock despair as your eyes quivered. Giving yourself a mental pat on the back for being on the verge of tears, you whispered, “I annoy you, Satori-kun?”

   “No! Of course not! I just meant-”

   “I'm sorry, Satori-kun, I'll leave you all alone from now on,” a single tear flowed down your cheek and you just about imploded with pride. Who needs to take theatre courses when you have this much natural talent?

   “No, no! Don't cry!” Looking to his teammates for help, he pointed at you with exasperation. His silent pleas were met with snickers as they each turned their back on the scene.

   On the outside, you were a delicate mess. On the inside, however, you were rejoicing. No longer was his mind on why you acted just a touch different with the team’s ace (since evidently nothing slipped past those maroon eyes of his), but rather on how to stop the waterworks that threatened to break before him. All that was left was to run out of the gym, celebrate your narrow escape, and continue to avoid him until you could formulate a believable excuse. You didn't want him to catch on to the small crush you had developed on Ushijima, but more importantly, you didn't want him to know about your Tumblr. He would never let you live down your low-effort blog after he had shown you his organised manga-themed one. Nevermind the the flack you would receive about how much of a pushover you had become to allow Ushijima full reign over it. Perhaps you could lie and say that the third year intimidated you, so you didn't want to push your luck around him. Maybe fortune would favour you and Tendou would drop the subject completely after this disaster. Knowing him, however, that was unlikely.

   “I'll just go, since I annoy you-”

   “What did you do this time?” A gravelly voice resounded across the room. It sent shivers down your spine as you faced the sound. Ushijima towered over you, a mix between confusion and disappointment aimed toward Tendou. The redhead just laughed before running back onto the court.

   “Hey Wakatoshi-kun, did you finish your exam?” You fumbled with your bag strap as you tried to sidle out of his vision. Much to your dismay, his eyes followed you with an intensity that would make a weaker person crumble.

   “What did he do?” Reiterating his question with a deepening frown, he moved in front of the door and blocked your escape.

   “Oh, you know Tendou-kun. Everything he does is annoying. Well, I've got to go!”

   “Before you leave, did you see our Tumblr? I changed it a little.”

   “A little?” You repeated, bitterness tainting the smile you flashed toward him, “You changed it more than a little, Ushijima-kun. My favourite part of it would have to be the ask from a mutual about why I'm suddenly a volleyball blog, and if I'm sharing my account because it seemed even more all over the place than usual and I just loved waking up to a new theme as well. Yes, it was very nice, Ushiwaka-kun, very nice.”

   “You should try regulating your breathing, you look flustered. I am glad you liked it, however. I spent a decent amount of time on it,” he nodded, brushing past you to join his team in their practice. Unbelievable.

   “Oi, you! We're not done here! I'll be calling you tonight, so, uh, prepare yourself!” You shouted after him, huffing at his thumbs-up. A tinge of pink painted the tips of your ears when Semi and Shirabu smirked at you, which bloomed into a full blush at Tendou’s, “You can call on him anytime!”

   The rest of the day whirled by in a blur. You couldn't procrastinate on Tumblr without being reminded of your new theme, which turned off your desire to slack off in general. You finished your homework early, then you finished next week’s as well. Something seemed off, but you didn't stop to question it - you were motivated to work for once and you didn't want to jinx your flow. Even after finishing two essays, you had time to kill before you could call Ushijima. Since he was tardy to practice, he would undoubtedly stay late to make up the lost time. Heading to the kitchen, you grabbed out the ice cream and threw yourself down on the couch. With nothing left to do, binge-watching Netflix would feel rather guilt-free for once. Your relaxation was cut short when you heard a knock at the door.

   “I don't want to buy your shit, go away!”

   “It's Ushijima,” a palpable pause, “and I'm not selling anything. I have your textbooks. You left them in the gym.”

   You groaned at your own stupidity. How could you have let Tendou work you up enough to abandon your textbooks? On top of that, you allowed your desire to scold Ushijima to blind you to your obvious lack of study material. Without it, the likelihood of errors had increased exponentially. You smacked yourself with a pillow; now you would have to double-check all your homework. Anxiety tickled your numbing thoughts as you turned off the television. You didn't make any effort to meet him at the door, “Ugh, just come in already.”

   He offered a nod in acknowledgement as he entered the living room and placed the books on the table. He sat down next to you, smiling as he grabbed the dessert from your hands. You were used to him being in your home after many an afternoon spent showing him how to use Tumblr. What came as a surprise was watching him eat the ice cream. Most days he would return it to the freezer, disregarding your pleas. You took the chance to observe him while his own gaze fell to the carpeted floor. The embodiment of a proper gentleman, he maintained perfect posture. He was still in his school uniform, and he always looked tense in it, but he seemed to loosen up when he was in your home. You knew he had taken a shower at the school, which he usually did after practice, because his hair had been styled once more. You always appreciated how the minty scent of his body wash lingered throughout your house even after he left. His clothes seemed tighter, clinging to his damp skin, providing an even more exquisite view of his muscles. Eyes falling to his legs, you let your mind wander and toy with the notion of seeing those thighs bare of clothing. You didn't notice when he turned to you at last, still lost in your own somewhat perverted thoughts. Coughing to gain your attention, he cocked an eyebrow, “Enjoying yourself?”

   “Shut up, you smell nice.”

   He blinked, a tinge of red dusting his cheeks, before continuing, “What did you want to talk about?”

   “I was going to call you. You didn't need to arrive at my house unannounced and start eating my food,” you mumbled, hitting his arm, “but I wanted to talk to you about getting your own Tumblr. Or, I guess since you already took over mine, I could start a new one.”

   “Why?”

   “What do you mean why, doofus? When I showed you my Tumblr, I didn't intend for you to take it over. I just thought you might want to see that someone posted one of your matches and it was getting notes,” you sighed, hitting his arm again. He chuckled at the effort, lifting a spoon of the frozen dessert to your lips. You swore under your breath as your cheeks exploded with crimson heat upon swallowing the treat.

   “I'm sorry,” he placed the tub of ice cream on the table before facing you once more, taking your hands within his, “You mentioned how your blog was personal to you, and I enjoyed that you shared it with me. I enjoy spending time you.”

   “Oi, you can't just say things like that! Dammit, Bakatoshi! You're making me blush!” You slapped his arm once more, earning an amused grunt from the attractive volleyball-obsessed idiot. He leaned in to you, tucking some loose strands of hair behind your ear.

   “It was nice having something that was ours,” You could feel his breath on your lips as he caressed your cheek. Your heart skipped a few beats, waiting for him to make his move.

   “Geez, just kiss me already, Wakatoshi-kun!” You closed the gap, lips smashing against his. If he was surprised by your forwardness, he didn’t show it. Instead he entwined his fingers within your hair, returning the kiss with equal passion. Patience was never one of your strong suits, not that either of you were complaining.

[quantumvaudeville]

Putting too much effort into shitposts again. Which song is for who and justifications under the cut.

Odysseus

Go tell that long tongued liar Go and tell that midnight rider Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Orpheus

Take me to the place where you go Where nobody knows If it's night or day But please don't put your life in the hands Of a rock and roll band Who'll throw it all away

Oedipus

To see you now To hear you now I can look outside myself And I must examine my breath and look inside Because I feel blind

Icarus

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear Here comes the sun do, do, do Here comes the sun And I say it's all right

Achilles

I don't know how long this feeling will last Maybe it's only tonight Darling I don't know why I go to extremes Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens And if I stand or I fall It's all or nothing at all

Cassandra

That's me in the corner That's me in the spot-light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough

Narcissus (and Echo)

It's all false love and affection You don't want me You just like the attention Yes, it's all false love and affection You don't like me You just want the attention

Jason (and Medea)

Earl had to die, goodbye Earl We need a break, let's go out to the lake, Earl We'll pack a lunch, and stuff you in the trunk, Earl Is that alright? Good! Let's go for a ride, Earl, hey!

Tantalus

Tempted by the fruit of another Tempted but the truth is discovered What's been going on Now that you have gone There's no other

Pheidippides

And I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0j6KPdfnssoG2Iza6T94M4?si=p5fWnbBLT2GlIbhkjrA6xg)

[botanyshitposts]

Do you know how to capitalize?

yeah? do you know that in the complex linguistic context of casual conversation in specific circles of the internet, things like capitalization and punctuation are used differently to express different tones, inflections, and meanings, and that traditional capitalization in all contexts says a lot about the author and who they intend their audience to be?

for example: 

-’i am mad’- neutral conversation, can be funny depending on the context

-’I Am Mad’- author is making a specific point or exaggeration, often in a humorous, self-aware way

-’I am mad.’ - an inflection of formality usually interpreted as more standoffish and less approachable, slightly unfriendly if used in a casual millennial setting

in the context of this blog, i’m writing accessible science content to people my own age in the same social context of the internet, and i choose my inflection accordingly- just like i would talk to another person my age. this is indicated beforehand by the title of this blog being ‘botanyshitposts’, with ‘shitposting’ being a popular internet term to refer to memes, low-effort explanations, and easily accessible, modifiable, and approachable content. 

remember that these inflections have reasons to arise! if you’re a millennial (like me) texting your friends over discord, then it becomes less efficient in a quickly moving group chat to use proper capitalization (one more button to hit, and every line?) and everyone has an understanding that that’s that and nobody else in the chat cares about formality….because you’re friends. this is a similar reason why other shorthand for common sayings and phrases have become common over the past two/three decades (beginning with stuff like ‘lol’ and developing more to include a lot of acronyms). all this has led to relaxed capitalization and shorthand being a sign of friendliness. 

if you go to circles of the internet with people who might not have grown up talking frequently to others online, the context is much different, and is more inclined towards proper capitalization and such. similarly, when i- and others - write outside of online circles, we’re still educated human beings who write with proper capitalization, punctuation, and spelling, because we are fully aware of the complex societal nuances in different situations and are able to change how we speak to adhere to that. in fact, we are so acclimated to multiple online and offline cultures and relevancies that we actively choose how we talk! 

in conclusion: this is actually a really interesting ask, because it shows that you’re coming from another part of the internet/a completely different context where, when looking at how i and other (educated, intelligent) people in my age group speak online, you completely miss the nuances and brush it off as something to be mocked, because in the circles you’re a part of varied capitalization is interpreted as a sign of incompetence. meanwhile, for much of the evolving internet, varied capitalization conveys meaning of tone and intent through a medium where verbal tone changes aren’t applicable! it has it’s own meaning, and it’s a very interesting thing to watch and study from a scientific perspective… that’s modern linguistics and anthropology, bay bee!! 

[fuckepilepsy]

OFFICIAL EPILEPTICON 2019 ANNOUNCEMENT POST

What is EpileptiCon?

EpileptiCon is sort of festival or convention for people who have seizure disorders, right here on Tumblr. It takes place during the first week of November. That’s November 1st through November 7th!

Anybody who has a seizure disorder is invited to participate. That includes epileptics and non-epileptics alike. If you have pseudoseizures, psychogenic seizures, PNES, NEAD, FND, etc., you are absolutely a part of EpileptiCon if you want to be!

Here’s the concept: for a week, we generate a burst of activity in a community that is typically quiet and gloomy, flooding the tags and each other’s dashboards with epilepsy/seizure disorder content, talking about ourselves, our experiences, and our interests as people who live with a seizure disorder.

Okay, but why?

You might have noted that EpileptiCon coincides with Epilepsy Awareness Month. This is by design. @the-twitchy-life and I conceived of the idea of EpileptiCon as an alternative to attempting to raise awareness, because we believe that Epilepsy Awareness Month should be for people who have epilepsy. Epilepsy Awareness Month isn’t even really about people who have epilepsy, at least not directly; it’s about epilepsy itself.  Epilepsy Awareness Month isn’t for us, either. It is for people who do not have it, because the whole point is to improve public awareness and understanding of epilepsy. Those of us who are living with epilepsy are already quite aware of it and have no need of an awareness campaign.

Furthermore, it’s generally on us to scrounge up the spoons to do the work, and as you all know, spoons are always in short supply. I believe that energy would be better spent reaching out to each other, so that we might enjoy a sense of fellowship and belonging pertaining to something that normally brings isolation and despair.  EpileptiCon was conceived because we need to take time to celebrate ourselves and each other for our ongoing efforts to survive and persevere in the face of adversity. So we feel less alone, so we feel more comfortable and safe talking about it, get some things off of our chest and maybe achieve a little catharsis.

How do I participate? Make epilepsy-themed posts and tag them with “EpileptiCon." They don’t have to be high-quality or time-consuming. In fact, they can and should be completely bonkers because dwelling on how epilepsy is terrible is a good way to get burned out. The goal is quantity, and whatever fun you can wring out of it.

If you want to do a big write-up about an epilepsy-related thing that is important to you, go for it! Just remember that you are absolutely free to pour low-effort epilepsy shitposts into the tag for everyone to see. It’s also absolutely cool to repost your old stuff, though you should remember that reblogging it instead of doing a copy-paste into a fresh post won’t drop it into the tag for public viewing. 

For those of you who are flagged NSFW and can’t post into tags, just tag my url so I can see your posts.

I’ll watch the #epilepticon tag in addition to all the others (#epilepsy, #epileptic, #seizure, etc.) and reblog everything that comes through it. If you’re not comfortable with that on your blog, feel free to submit to @the-twitchy-life or myself. We’ll get you the spotlight you deserve. If you need inspiration or motivation, I’ll have another post on that soon.

[modern-oedipus]

Kinda a personal post that is not required to read but just first line is enough

Also I couldn’t get back to much of personal messages today because:

• i threw up in the morning and it shoookth me

• was running on 2 hours sleep

• had 8 hours of continious lecture and barely made it home just now, eaten, and calmed her shit down

•has 3 assingments and 2 quizzes due tomorrow

•did I mention, I can hear my own breath making Z z Z z Z z z Z sounds due to post-asthma hypersensitive body or SOME anNOYING THING that doctors said

• im mentally unwell because someone I love is mentally unwell and I can’t do a thing to help him regardless of my efforts and also i feel quite sad and desperate in general even though I do my best to not just let it go and get in a depresso mood

• so like. Responsibilities piled up, emotionally at my limit, physically sick, but at least not in so much physical pain.

I haven’t let anything go, though! I take care of my sick body regardless, I try to eat healthy, I /am/ doing the responsibilities one by one and making sure I finish them even if it costs me some sleep, I am trying to mentally reassure myself to things and although I haven’t got to write them down yet I planned some 2020 resolutions and cleaning; they have been on my mind for a long while now so if it all goes well I am planning to get a better start at the new year! I think I have done fairly well in 2019, most of my resolutions came to true by my own efforts anyway.

Anyway I didnt have to give a long explanation about why I was like this, I’d just say “I’m unavailable” if I didn’t want to share, but since I know that most of you care about me as friends (and I care about you as friends too, obviously, that’s a two sided thing), I thought those who care may read, just to have somr sort of idea about why Nila is shitposting but not individually replying. Those who don’t care (with no offense in them since no one is obligated to) have long scrolled past this, anyway.

Ihh I’m tired! Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, I’m tired at all aspects but worse? I objectively don’t think it will get better. But I also objectively know that I hve no choice but to work to make it better because I love my life that I regained after so much hard work and battling with d, I love my family and friends whose days we brighten together, I (sort of) love my scientific research even tho science doesn’t seem to love me, I love the stories I am writing and the newspaper I am managing, I love walking in the soft wind, I love coffee talks and fun dates and hook ups, I love my pets and I love everyone who reached out to me and befriended me here on this account, I love reading/writing comments to the ao3 and reading/writing replies back to them, I love the fandom stuff we organize, I love working out and then having that serotonin boost, I love offering a newly baked recipte to family/friends, I love casual hook ups and if and when I’m in a relationship (my last rl lasted 3 years sooo... rip.. that was most of my life) I do love loving and being loved in return, I mean, I even love doing laundry like it is such a nice feeling to put all dirt in a machine and then take it back perfectly clean and cozy and nicely smelling, like idk, because of all these things (and more that I forgot to add) I can’t give up from my life and I can’t stop fighting for it to be better. I can’t give up from myself or my loved ones. There is so much to live for.

P.S. I also low key live for the days Given, To Die For, the “photographer Ray” au whose name I forgot, and the teacher/student norray fics ( ;) ) gets updated. I mean I’m sure I’m reading many more fics but these are the stuff I have been looking forward to ever since August or something and just knowing that one day I /MAY/ read a chapter of them sometimes make me motivated enough to go through a day. Also spaceomania’s (damn did I spell that right?! I’m absolutely NOT tagging anyone to this long ass post, don’t want them to go trouble reading it aLL) comments like I’m sure they made not just me but many other authors write a lot more happily than they normally would, oh I also live for Ardency but I am too scared to read it because itnis eNDING so I will procrastinate it, but like, yes.

I have reasons to keep going, I have reasons to stay strong. I may not be feeling my best now and my problems may not be fixed overnight but I have no choice but to have faith in myself & people I love & things I believe in (now, “believe” sounds so non-scientific but that’s subject for another day), so, I’ll go on.

I usually don’t like opening up about suicide or depression since I just think that’s way too personal to talk about (I still havent declared why it happened and I dont think Iw anna talk about it anyway), but, in case someone with suicidal tendencies is reading this (first of all congrats for coming thru this essay idk what kept you here but you’re amazing), just, remember that a year ago I was at where you are and, well, THIS is my mindset now. I am not telling you to compare your journey with mine or anyone else’s. I am just proving you that a way out of that dark tunnel is perfectly possible for you and even if my current situation may not be ideal (to be honest, is there even an ideal life? Problems will always exist), I’m gratefulthat I have got enough reasons to fight for. Sure, my energy still drains sometimes (hence why regular text talk with Nila is difficult. No she doesnt have adhd or anything. She has a fairly good attention span. She just lacks the friggin energy), but I restore it before it gets out of hand. Stuff like that. It’s possible, not for just me, but for you and for everyone. I’m not a publicly-spoken-social-norm-warrior or anything but I will always stand up for anyone who is feeling suicidal tendencies because no—

As someone who went through that, just, no.

Don’t.

Let’s make 2020 better.

*and here my friends, you went through a good representation of what it is like to be in my brain changing 485858 subjects. Anyway NOW that I let ut out I need to do my assignment. I want to reply back to you insividually bevause texting you all makes me feel warm and happy and i also wanna check on you but i need ti restrore my enrgy (i actually tried texting whdn my mood was low and I think I frightened some people over sudden agression so I’d rather text you wisely than text you randomly), so, see you all soon!

I know it is not just me going through shit in her life. So, know that I’m cheering for you and I am always in for friends bringing best of each other, so if you really read this far go do the thing you procrastinate!! Bud!! Go do it!! It’ll feel better!

What a conclusion tho

[lightlorn]

ABC- For Everyone

late festivities. ll accepting.

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Aerith: See, Aerith is a bit odd. She’s ultimately a good person, and a fantastic friend, but she’s very out of practice in letting others in and demonstrating her feelings. Part of this is her backstory, part of this is just the hard knock life she’s led. For the most part in canon, her affection is a little mischievous, a little chaotic, being the one that goes along with your wild ideas and giving her all to your aims. But it’s also thought, letters written and wishes made, the same care and attention she would give her garden. Aerith is not a woman that shows her affections easily, but is no less devoted once you get around her rougher edges.

Albel: He doesn’t. For the last nine years, Albel has not had a speck of affection in him for anything, living or dead or self. Even his once close bond to his deceased father has soured in his heart to a further reflection of his failures. Tenderness or adoration are beyond him. That said... I think he would display it in respect, or in curiosity. For a wicked man such as himself, simply taking the time to listen to another’s opinion or invest himself in their affairs is a great show of trust. I also think he would, over time, get more physical without getting violent, like a child just learning how to navigate the world. There is something simultaneously mature and overall boyish about this, which is why he does not let such sentiments rise to the surface.

Angela: She’s a healer, so it falls on her to want to take care of those she feels strongly for. Besides this, Angela is a taciturn woman, and I think she uses her words to great effect if someone can coax them from her. Whether she’s singing praises or taking someone to task, her voice will be used to demonstrate just what someone means to her. There’s also the possibility she will geek out about her hobbies and interests with someone who has won her affections, all too eager to get them up to speed so they can keep up with her interests. The act is repaid in kind, as she looks into her loved one’s interests and gains at least a rudimentary understanding of how it works or what it’s about. Catch her with lots of useless video game trivia to keep up with Hana, for example, or basic knowledge of bike maintenance for Mako.

Aria: A more in-depth answer can be found here.

Aqua: Oh my God Aqua is such a giver. It’s in her nature to mother others, to show her affection in gifts and in tender care for them. She’s all handmade gifts and homecooked food, deep concern tempered with constant support, the peak of team mom. While this is sometimes tempered by her self-righteousness, such as her worry for others manifesting as nagging, her heart is as ever in the right place. Her affections are also very self sacrificing, as she will take the fall for her loved ones without fail and try to take their burdens on as her own. At her best, her love is a gentle and homely thing, and at worst she will let it take everything she has so long as the object of her affection is alright.

Braska: Actions. Above all else, Braska is a man who acts. While his tongue is silvery and his heart too big for his own good, he is more of a doer than a talker. This is a man who turned his back on the church and his own lifelong training for the love of a foreign woman, and who later decided to lay down his own life to try and spare his daughter some pain. He spares Auron, in my telling, by leaving him behind out of love, though it does nothing to spare Auron in the long run. Even his taking a chance on Jecht is a leap of faith that pays off in the long run, and shows the depth of their bond. Even if he ought to think things out a little more thoroughly, he puts his money where his mouth is every time he feels strongly for someone.

Eraqus: Stern as he is, Eraqus has always shown his affection recklessly and sometimes in a very troublesome way. He is always willing to forgive and grant second chances, whether romantically as seen with Xehanort or as a matter of familial affinity, as seen with Terra. He puts care into everything he does for those who have won his loyalty, and works to show it in his own ways -- the time he offers others, and the encouragement he shows them. As a younger man, I think he was far more open about his affection, and more physical about it as well. He was less judgmental then, too, and as part of his adulthood affection he is at least willing to hear out those who disagree with him rather than shutting them down completely.

Gwynevere: Honesty and physical affection are the cornerstones of Gwynevere’s genuine affections. She puts forth the face of the all loving goddess, but her real love is shown in simply being herself around another person. She won’t beat around the bush or try to trick others, only show them how she really feels for them and those around them. She is also liberal with physical affection, anything from a touch of the hand to an embrace, and for lovers there is an ever-present sensual element from a woman who must always be above such things in the public eye.

Inessa: Inessa is actions and giving, to be honest. She shows affection for her community by being an ever present sentinel in Lowtown, ready to help as she is needed or sees need. Diligence is what makes affection in her eyes, the time and effort put into others sure to be repaid even if she does not work for that reason. Faithful as she is, she puts goodwill and prayers without actual attempts to see your desires made reality in low regard, something that has led to a lot of her friction with the Chantry of late.

Invi: Reserved as she is, Invi’s presence alone is one way she shows her affections. If she likes you, she will tolerate being around you for longer than is strictly necessary, and without any ulterior motives to boot. Being observant, she might also ensure little tokens or treats are left where the person she cares for can access them, never owning up to these things but responsible all the same. There’s also the chance she invite someone into her personal space or day and that is when you know you have made it with her.

Isa: This is actually very hard to answer because in canon, we see his affection as a child manifesting in ‘I am going to roast you alive but also I will go along with your dumbass idea because I love you’ and as a Nobody in displays of great possessiveness and rage. His actions towards Lea/Axel have always been a little antagonistic, but to what degree varies between his state of being. I think he might be the kind of person who shows his affinity in time spent together and being easily compelled into whatever the other person wants. Given my take on his backstory, I think he’s emotionally stunted even putting aside his inhuman rage issues, and so he’s not entirely sure what to do to show how he feels about others on any positive level.

Kokoro: Local Blue Blood Lets Down Her Defenses In Show of Trust, Lets Herself Be Human and Make Mistakes. But seriously, Kokoro is a person who is all about appearances and keeping up a front, so her affection comes more in letting others see her be more down to earth and laid back. I have said before that she shows her love in being able to admit she doesn’t know something, but it’s also in admitting she’s wrong or made some mistake. The sins of the father have definitely influenced her to channel her affections in a more healthy way, and acknowledge those moments where she lets the people she cares for down.

Roxas: Ice cream and fighting a cult. No literally. The boy is a trained child soldier whose only brushes with softness involve eating sweet snacks with other child soldiers, former or otherwise. This is what he was taught friendship is. He’s got to figure out for himself the shape his affection takes when he’s not fighting a war.

Shizuka: Flashing cash and offered favors. Shizuka’s got shaky identity and self-worth ideals, so they fall back on using their resources to reward those who get close to them sincerely. Some who are very close to them get more genuine shows of affection, the ability to hold them or be held, and heart to heart conversations, but for the most part Shizuka is the kind to pull strings rather than get into any ‘sappy shit.’

Zevran: I swear I am not shitposting, flanderizing, or making fun of him, but how doesn’t Zevran show affection? Realistically, though, he’s very protective with those he cares for, and tends to let them in a little deeper to see the mess he is under the ladykiller facade. He can be something of a good person for them, and that’s the most he can give. He’s still a little too broken to fully form an idea of how to show affection that isn’t saccharine or bombastic.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Aerith: She absolutely adores flowers. Her people are tied to the planet itself, and the ebb and flow of life is shown so beautifully in flowers. She tends to some both as a hobby and to make some money, and so she’s very attached to them. She adores lilies best of all.

Albel: Once given a flower by a female peer of his fathers, immediately bit it off of the stem. He’s from a harsh winter environment backed up against desolate flatland and mountain ranges, so he is unused to them in any capacity. Still mesmerized by the red spider lily. 

Angela: They’re alright, but not really a priority. She’s so used to hospital flowers that the appeal is kind of lost, though she might still hang a few cheaper bouquets on her desk to try and spruce the area up. Show her a proper Alpine bellflower and you might get a nostalgic smile out of her.

Aria: Like might not be the right word, but Aria is certainly aware of various herbs and flowers from the Koccari Wilds to the edge of the Free Marches. She appreciates them as tools, but is not much of an aesthetic admirer. Is fascinated by the vandal aria for which she was named.

Aqua: The land varieties are just fine, but her love for flowers lies in the watery blossoms. She studied them extensively as a child and knows basically everything there is to know about them. Unsurprisingly, she loves the lotuses that grow on the Land of Departure.

Braska: He was never much of a man to stop and smell the roses before his Pilgrimage, so he often overlooked flowers. He’s not very well educated on the different types, but they’re pretty enough.

Eraqus: Coming from a world that was a winter wonderland, Eraqus is absolutely enamored with flowers. His master’s daughter had a balcony garden that was his favorite place to go and decompress after a long day. He is fond of morning glories above all.

Gwynevere: The princess oversees the maintenance of Anor Londo’s vast garden during its glory days. She is a friend to every flower she meets and knows how to care for any variety. Scandalously, her heart belongs to the moonflower for deeply personal reasons.

Inessa: Good flowers are hard to come by Kirkwall, at least for women of her station. The most she has seen of them has come through her work as an apothecary. For this reason, she has decided the marigold is her favorite.

Invi: As the local font of mystical and magical wisdom, Invi is well acquainted with many different plants. The language of flowers is one in which she is fluent, though it has little bearing in her choice of favorite. It’s the water hyacinth, for those interested.

Isa: The man is a Radiant Garden native. There is no conceivable way he escaped being a fan of flowers. Of the many species found on his homeworld, he just had to be enchanted by a dangerous one -- wolf’s bane. 

Kokoro: Her mother is aforementioned master’s daughter from Eraqus’ answer. She could never have escaped being educated and invested in flowers. Of the many that her mother grew in her garden, Kokoro gained an affinity for foxglove.

Roxas: He doesn’t know a lot about flowers, admittedly. There wasn’t a lot of time to stop and smell them during his missions, and Marluxia was unbearable even on his best behavior. He feels drawn towards the forget-me-not for reasons he cannot immediately pinpoint.

Zevran: If a poison can be made from it or a message conveyed with it, Zevran is aware of it. He’s learning how to appreciate flowers for just being flowers the longer he’s a free agent. And he’s a cliche who just adores a red rose.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Aerith: It’s ok, but a little out of her budget. Whatever is cheapest gets her vote.

Albel: First had chocolate on the Diplo. It churned his stomach. Disgusting.

Angela: Yes, but only a rich European style or she’s not touching it.

Aria: Humans are out of their gods damned minds thinking this tastes good.

Aqua: As a connoisseur of desserts, absolutely. Loves a good white chocolate.

Braska: Has never heard of chocolate in his life.

Eraqus: Patron saint of sweet teeth. Milk chocolate or don’t talk to him.

Gwynevere: It’s human food and she’s not a plebeian. 

Inessa: Had some once as a child. It’s now way out of her budget but she dreams.

Invi: More fond of chocolate products. Loves hot chocolate.

Isa: His body is a temple and only cheat days permit a chocolate/nuts candy bar.

Kokoro: Eh. Not a huge sweets person, but a rich chocolate cake has her number.

Roxas: If it’s not sea salt ice cream don’t fuckin talk to him.

Zevran: Thinks Aria is fucking crazy and any chocolate is good chocolate.

[dotsz]

hey i finished my elmer’s glue fic i bet for the phight

@phandomphightclub​ dunno if you’re still active but here’s my bet lol fml

Empty. The room was empty.

Oh, sure, one could argue otherwise; literally speaking, the room was covered wall to floor in posters from various comic books, fanarts, certificates, and the such. Action figures littered every surface, and the camera set in front of the desk gave the impression of there always being an audience.

And yet.

It wasn’t so much the contents of the room but the atmosphere that made it feel so incredibly void of… happiness? No. Purpose. Maybe. Even the word felt empty.

Butch sighed from his place on his seat. He looked into the camera, the lenses reflecting his own mournful face back at him, and a cold pit grew in his stomach.

“What am I,” he said, “but a puppet in this madness? This simulation? This… this reality, it’s… it’s falling apart.” He put his head in his hands, inwardly cursing himself for how his shoulders shook. “Oh, Lord, it’s all falling apart.”

All this efforts to create something for this bland world, all the years of pouring his heart and soul into his work… was it for naught? Did they truly detest him so? What did he ever do to deserve such torment?

Deep in the recesses of his mind, a dark voice slithered through. But you didn’t really do anything! it whispered. Your show only did well because of the concept; still people fight you on it, tell you what you could do better, yet you refuse to open your mind and accept criticism-

“Silence yourself,” Butch murmured fiercely. “I am not weak. I don’t listen to those who are less than me.”

But are they really less than you? it cackled. What if you are the one in the simulation? The dream? The nightmare? What if they are telling you to wake up? What if your masterpiece is really the key to your salvation, not theirs?

“That doesn’t even make any sense.” Butch stood abruptly from his chair, and the screech it made as it slid across the floor caused him to cringe almost as much as the phandom while watching Livin’ Large. “I created their childhood. Without me, they would not exist. I shaped their very souls.”

Is that the truth? Or simply your over-inflated ego?

“Who even are you?” Butch whirled around to face his wall of fanart, which had not been updated since, like, 2015. “What business do you have to be in my mind, speaking poison into me?”

I am your insecurities.

“Impossible. I have none.”

Let me clarify, said the voice. I am the insecurities created out of your show. The creation of Danny Phantom came with sacrifice; it came with the knowledge that despite your initial ideas being of interest, your writing and unwillingness to stray from your narrow-minded beliefs of what cartoons are to be caused the show to inevitably fall into mediocrity.

“Hey-”

The inspiration of superheroes, woven into a twist of a child’s secret identity stemming from keeping themselves safe rather than those they love, coupled with the allure of ghosts in a small, eerie town, as well as relatable and well-written depictions of teenage characters, could’ve made the show to be a legend, revered, given much more than two seasons plus one half-assed excuse for a season and conclusion.

“Are you done yet?” Butch asked irritatedly, an ache beginning to form between his eyes. He didn't have time for this. He didn’t have much time for anything, it seemed, what with Oaxis needing more support and his fans letting him down… he was always being let down…

Stop whining, the voice snapped. Anyway, as I was saying: if Danny Phantom had been given the same treatment as other popular cartoons, like Gravity Falls, the creepiness would’ve fit its child-like innocence enough to give it the right kind of feel people were hoping for when you put ghosts and superheroes together. Truly, I pity you. You could’ve done something great.

“Stop…” Butch groaned. His head pounded, his hands shook, and every inch of his body tried its hardest to go against the thoughts that had begun to enter his brain. His - no, it was no longer his - fandom had grown into a phandom, solely for the show, leaving his ideas behind for “better” ones of their own. And when he demanded answers, they only laughed in his face… is this what he’d become? A laughing stock? An example of everything he’s ever hated?

This simulation of life was created for us to give, the voice said, sounding much more sympathetic. But they’ve done nothing but take from you.

“I…” Butch gasped, fell into his chair, stared into the camera. Soulless lenses.

Isn’t it your fault, though? You pushed them away, didn’t you?

Black spots danced before his eyes.

You false god, said the voice, and Butch lost consciousness.

He swam in darkness for what felt like eons. Bursts of light and noise every so often tore through the veil in front of him; he heard whispers from years past, mutterings of guacamole and a red-head background character, the phrase Phantom Planet’s Not Canon Fuck You; he saw lists of dissection fics and metaphysical hang-out spots at Denny’s, accusations of diaper fetishes… finally showing his ridicule after announcing Oaxis, the way they slandered him.

This was his legacy being shown.

Butch groaned. Something soft remained under him.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” said a voice to his right. Familiar.

He opened his eyes, slowly, pushing through the heaviness, black spots receding to the corners of his vision. He took a moment to recognize he still sat in his office, only this time on a small couch by the corner.

“Here, drink some water,” said the same voice. Butch turned his head to look-

And froze.

It was him. It looked like him. Same strong jawline, luscious locks of dark hair, broad shoulders and tight-fitting shirt that stretched over his toned physique; same deep, soulful brown eyes, a charming grin showing perfect, pearly-white teeth.

It was like looking into a mirror.

The other him grinned wider, holding out a cup of water. “Here, drink up.”

As if on autopilot, Butch reached forward and took the glass out of Other-Butch’s hands. Their fingers brushed, and something akin to electricity traveled up his arm and into his chest, warming him up from the inside, making him gasp. With shaking hands, he gulped down the cold drink and shivered at the chill.

“What was that?” Butch choked out, staring at the perfection that was his face - on another body, yet so incredibly familiar he had no choice but to feel calm, secure, happy.

Other-Butch laughed, booming and infectious. “Oh, you took a nasty fall, all right. Don’t worry, the voice in your head won’t come as long as I’m here.”

“Alright?” Butch paused. “Who are you?”

“I’m you,” said Other-Butch simply. “Well, not exactly; I have my own thoughts and feelings too, of course. But I’m still you. Same memories.”

“Same name?”

“Butch Hartman.” Other-Butch smiled softly as if he were revisiting an old nostalgic memory. “But you can call me Elmer, if it’s too confusing.”

“Elmer.” Butch tried the name on his tongue - it fit. “I haven’t heard that in years.”

“It’s pretty old, isn’t it?” Elmer sighed, leaning forward. His biceps flexed as he wrung his large hands together. “Butch, do you remember the Golden Days?”

“The what?”

“The Golden Days.” A ghost of a smile. “Back when everyone loved your show. I mean, they still do, but they respected it back then. Loved you. Your ideas.”

“I…” Butch closed his eyes. “Yes. Yes, I do. Good times.”

“I remember your - our passion,” Elmer continued, his voice dripping with wistfulness. “And now? What now?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re giving up,” Elmer said, his tone suddenly sharp.

Butch snapped his eyes open to stare at Elmer. His jaw jutted out defiantly, his eyes smoldering, looking into his very soul. For the second time today, Butch shivered.

“You can’t give up, not now,” Elmer continued. “What about Oaxis? What about the children? You’re making the future, Butch.”

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Butch sniffed angrily - he, crying? The almighty Butch Hartman? No, he would not stoop to such low measures. “The phandom-”

“Those little shits know nothing of what you’ve accomplished,” Elmer hissed. “All they’re good for is making bad shitposts and hurting your canon. What happened to ‘You can’t bring me down,’ to ‘Criticism only makes me stronger?’ What happened to the Butch we know?’

Butch stayed silent.

“You can’t give up.” Elmer grabbed his hand, brought it close to him. Butch gasped at the energy flowing between them. “You can’t.”

And through his doubt, a pinprick of light shone through; a small bit of passion broke through, then multiplied, flooding his veins and swelling his heart as he fell further into the electricity Elmer brought him.

Butch grinned, reminiscent to his old bravado. “You’re right.”

Elmer mirrored his grin. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“You will?”

“We can do this together,” Elmer said, his eyes wide and open. Butch leaned into him, the two embracing, gasping at the energy coursing through them. Yes, this was meant to be. They were meant to be.

And whatever happened, Butch knew he’d be ready. With Elmer by his side.

“We can fix this simulation,” Elmer whispered hoarsely into his ear. “Together. Like glue.”

And Butch said, “Okay.”

And together, they created.

[kyleisme14]

My trip to Area 51 - unedited

On Facebook, a kid from Bakersfield created an event. He uses his page, perfectly named, shitposting because my life is in shambles and makes 'storm area 51, they can't stop us all' and seemingly overnight a million people said that they would be attending. I did attend. Shitposting because my life is in shambles is inadvertent the most zeitgeist worthy name for this page. Shitposting is when you share terrible content that you know is bad just to get a reaction. You are sharing a low effort joke for the sense of connection from others.  Because my life is in shambles, this anonymous statement of personal vulnerability, I shall try and make a low effort attempt at connection. This is what our age is all about. We are doomed to be as connected and as isolated as possible. This had a chance of being a real life meme where we'd be isolated no longer.

The page became an immediate stronghold for memes. It adopted other internet jokes like Karens asking to see managers, Kyle's drinking monster energy drink for invincibility, and Naruto runners being faster than bullets, as ways of infiltrating the base. And also generated new ones about what people would find inside Area 51 like the 10th doctor to recommend a toothpaste or where my girlfriend wants to go for dinner or how we'd sneak in with a minivan but escape with a space ship. The killer meme was how once we 'free them aliens' we'd keep them as lovers and bang them so hard that we 'clapped them cheeks'. This was the low effort comedy that this meme page generated.

Was it a joke or would people actually go? At first I did not know why I needed to go to area 51, and everybody seemed to ask me. I failed to recruit any friends to join me on the quest, 7 hours driving to the infamous base. Most thought I was crazy for going. My brother told me to be safe. My sister thought I was joking, and called to counter my bluff. Whenever somebody said they couldn't go, I pittied them because I was sure they were going to miss something incredible and life affirming. I was excited because I had no idea what was going to go down, and nobody in the whole world did. I stopped at the army surplus. I thought we'd either see a humanitarian crisis like fyre fest or a government crackdown. Don't forget, 2 million people clicked GOING online, so even if 1% came that'd be 10,000 people to a town with a population of  1000. The airforce released a warning about 'raiding' active military bases being a bad idea and the use of deadly force being a possibility. Lincoln County, one of nevadas sleepiest, had to call in enough police to potentially break up a neo-woodstock.

I always wanted to go to area 51 since I first learned about aliens as a kid. When I asked the big question of are we alone in the universe? If there was an answer, if somebody had the evidence, if it was anywhere, it was stored at area 51.  UFO's and little green men were hiding somewhere in Nevada... at least according to pop mythology. In grade school I would check out the same book over and over from the library, about aliens and the search for exterterestrial life and the scientists who were looking at the stars. There was a spooky section about times aliens might have visited early humans based on cave paintings and statues. And then the next page was all about area 51, where the government did secret expirements on alien artifacts and maybe had a specimen. So I've been captivated since at least then. Area 51 represents a big secret. A mystery! And somebody powerful, a general or established congress person, knows and is keeping the answers from us. So as an anti-establishment, meme and alien lover, I was fascinated with this 'movement,' that would of 'raid the base'. I wanted to go and find out how many people like me were out there! Turns out I wasn't completely alone! But... for the ignorant... What is Area 51? I could never believe people weren't following the biggest BREAKING news of our lives. But for those out of the loop, Area 51 is an infamous hotspot for UFO lovers. It has a rich history in alien folklore. But here is the factual history: Nevada is almost all federal land. and it was used back in the day for nuclear testing. an original tourist attraction to Las Vegas was watching nuclear testing in the distance...

Some airforce commanders were flying around dropping bombs when they spied a dried lakebed next to a mountain, Groom Lake. They landed on it and found it to be a perfectly flat natural runway. Excellent for testing expiremental aircraft. The facility became known as  Area 51. And was where the airforce and Lockheed Corp developed the U-2 stealth bomber. They brought the best and brightest scientists and engineers to develop new aeronautics and weaponry for the US military. At the height of the Cold War, any foreign technology that was aquired would be brought to Area 51 to be tested and backwards-engineered. You can imagine Chinese reactors and Russian jets being taken apart and used by the best tinkerer's and best test pilots. People at the highest levels of classified access. Because if you are one of the folks who are handling stolen foreign items, you are so classified that your spouse isn't supposed to know what you do all day. Yes honey, I was testing out the Ruskies new fighter plane! They don't even know we have it! These were experts in aeronautics and weapons science who could decipher technology even if the instructions were in another language... so perhaps if the US government were to encounter any other 'foreign technology' of an unknown origin, maybe they'd  send it to Area 51 to be backwards engineered? That's the set up, those are the facts, the rest is conjecture and tinfoil hats stuff. Like unexplained phenomena,  military released sightings that definitely aren't weather baloons and general mysticism. Do you believe in aliens or not?

If you believe that it's more likely that our government would keep aliens a secret than releasing that information to the public... welcome to the club! If not, do some reading. As I drove across the desert, down lonesome roads and through one horse towns, I realized what I was doing. I was driving into the middle of nowhere, likely to stand around doing nothing... and boy was I excited. My plan was to go and maybe film something and if that didn't work out I'd put on an alien costume and hold a sign. I figured that there'd be a bunch of cameras and I could use it to collectively protest all sorts of wrongs in the world. One of the initial reacitons to the playful event was, 'hey there are more imporant places to raid! why not raid the border detention centers, why not congress, why not the oil companies?' To which I say, hell yes... but that's not shitposting. That's being earnest and noble. This was about being ironic and part of a joke. This was about chasing an internet meme into the ground and disecting it until all that was left was the human connection. I had a sign and costume and figured that even if nobody showed up at least news organizations would be covering it.  The sign I held said, Peace on earth ain't coming from outer space, and I really believe that. We shouldn't expect peace to come from somewhere else in the universe, it has to start right here at home, inside each of us. I wanted to get that message out. The day of the event, due to classic internet decentralization, people debated whether the raid meet up (located at the Area 51 gate) should be at 3am on friday morning or 3am on saturday morning. Most people kind of agreed to just gather sporadically between those two times. I monitored a live stream late on thursday to confirm that millions of people weren't gathering to make American History. Instead, about 30 people gathered for that 3am moment. I only missed a photo-op. I awoke on friday morning and drove towards my destiny. There were two events scheduled. One hosted by the facebook Shitposting kid who decided to use his 15 minutes of fame to organize a rave in the desert at the local Little Ale'inn, a motel close to the gate. The other was set up by a filmmaker who made a movie about Area 51 at the Alien Research Center. Both locales are alien themed tchotchke paradises designed to sell the eager UFO tourist any manner of t-shirt, shot glass or Alien doll. These spots have a fun feel and would be desert trinket spots selling only desert sage and gems if not for the boon of being next to an infamous mystery base.

The dueling events were both hoping to capitalize on the rush of people to the desert for the raid. Alienstock, as shitpost called it, was going to be a kumbaya style gathering. But everybody thought it was an alibi for shitpost incase anybody got in actual trouble at the gate and roped him in. Shitpost from bakersfield ended up not even going to his own event out of fear. Also the county sued him for the cost of preparing for a potential fiasco. The Alien Research Center event was going to have famous Alien Community folks speak and some high end music performances. But as I drove down the dusty route 375, known as Exterterestrial Highway, I saw very few people on the roads. Lots and lots of cops. It became obvious that the whole county and the organizers of these events had been preparingor at least 30,000 people. They had nearly 200 port-a-potties. Which makes  sense, if 1% of the people who claimed they were coming online came! The reality was that maybe only 1% of 1% showed up to these sleepy nevada towns on the edge of a fabled military base. The imediate reality of the events was that they were extremely underattended, but that was also a blessing. it made everything a little bit more intimate and accessible. I pulled into the dusty parking lot of the Little Ale'inn to find a rag tag DIY music festival set up. People were essentially tailgating on the side of the road. It was a scene and it was dusty. All sorts of folks were jovially milling about, some in alien themed costume, many with cameras. Many folks with booze, despite the morning. I pulled out a camera and tried interviewing people, but found that everybody I talked to had the exact same talking points. Do you believe in aliens? Duh. Why are you here? Free them Aliens. Do you really think they are in the base? Yes, but maybe now they've been moved. What did you think would happen if we charged? We'd all get killed or arrested. Nobody seemed to have really believed in the facebook post's idea of 'they can't stop us all.' Most people were sure that, especially with the meager turn out, the military and police could stop us all. Everybody just wanted to see what would happen, expecting anywhere from fyre festival 2.0 to a bloodbath to nothing. Everybody had listened to the same Joe Rogan podcast, where he'd interviewed Bob Lazar who claims to have worked at the base. That podcast was the bible of this gathering and  was what had inspired Shitpost to shitpost.

It was special that everybody was a believer. That's rare that strangers are all on the same wavelength. Nobody seemed to have any doubts that the government knew about aliens and weren't telling the public. And it was agreed that UFO's had been tested and stored at the base. Everybody I ended up meeting seemed pretty prepared. They had plenty of water and booze and camping supplies, so the idea that a humanitarian crisis was going to occur dissapated completely and reminded me of a group outting to the desert. Most important was that everybody at the event seemed to be in on the joke. They might believe in aliens but had no plans of raiding the base in actuality. Aliens might exist but the might of the US government is way more certain. The police presence alone was insane, but they merely hinted at the military might behind the base's perimeter. The police actually became quite friendly once they realized it wasn't going to be a boodbath. But the silent and hooded guards behind the gate remained terrifying with big guns and big dogs. There was definitely the threat of violence if you crossed. But we all joked that maybe if a million more people showed up we'd actually start Naruto running passed the guards.

After a while of milling around quasi-interviewing people I decided there were enough people with cameras that I should just put on my alien costume and go to the gate and get in front of the camera. I was taken to the gate by some friends I'd made while trying to get interviews. Evan and Kevin were two dudes I became super weirdly close on the day of the Raid. Each of us had come by ourselves from far away, San Francisco, Boston and Los Angeles, with a vague intention of documenting it in some way. I had a vision of either a mini doc or article, Evan was a photographer and who took some insanely beautiful photos (featured here).

Kevin was a video creation guru who just wanted to make as much instagram content as possible. Kevin was by far the most successful, he's got that showman's knack to always get on camera with insanely high energy. There were a lot of cameras and each one he'd run up to and start lecturing about how the governemnt needed to release the secret documents! It was a great bit especially with his Boston Townie accent turned all the way up.

Evan explained how he was drawn to the site by a mysterious desire to see what would happen.  He expressed it best as, 'this is like a reddit safe post.' People will find safes while remodeling or cleaning a house and say, 'hey reddit, look i found a safe, i'm going to open it and see what's inside!' Then people get excited trying to guess what marvelous jackpot could be in that old dusty safe. They wait desperately for the original poster to share an update. More often than not the poster never returns and people are left waiting for nothing.

Once and a while there will be an updated post to show what was found inside and sometime's it's a haul of trinkets and dubloons and rare items that were saved throughout time to be found by some noble internet user. but then most of the time it's like, wow a roll of coins from 1953! "so yeah i felt obligated to go and find out what was in the safe and share it with reddit even if there actually was nothing inside. reddit deserves to know.' evan said. Because sometimes those posts are just as important, the safe find coming back to say, 'hey we cracked the safe, but turns out there was nothing in it! here's a picture of an empty safe."

So I was beginning to realize that I was standing inside an empty safe. But wow, all of these people had also come to be here and that was something special. It's not often that we get to organically be around likeminded strangers that all have such clear and imediate shared experience. Here we all were, because of a a meme, just to see what would happen. The gathering had a magical quality because we were an internet joke that had left the cyber space and entered the meat space. It was a silly idea that was reaching a physical end point.

I stood around the gate for a good while, we chatted with everybody, shook hands with the police guarding the gate, exchanged instagram handles and shared jokes we'd heard on the internet. You could tell people were really cutting loose. Most people spent most of their time on their computers it seemed. Hey, me too. We shouted 'clap them cheeks' and 'let them out.' We were all in on the joke. There were still mainly cameras and I got interviewed and photographed by dozens including history channels ancient aliens and the nytimes and countless youtubers and instagramers. It all kind of culminated when Kevin and Evan were getting cold and saying we should leave, I heard a distant 'clap them cheeks' chant and booty shuffling down the lonesome road to the infamous Area 51 gate was Riley Reid! Pornhub's number 1 star. She's somebody I have searched for all my life, on google. She did a strip tease and pretended to rush the gate. She was an internet hero in the flesh, and she was in on the joke too! A perfect metaphor, eh?

The next morning, hungover from the excitement and extrovertism of the day before I was sitting in a diner scouring news websites for mentions of the raid and looking for photos of myself. Behind me I heard some locals discussing, a gravelly voice said, "usually this town has 1 car every 10 minutes. this weekend we've got like 1 car every minute!" The townsfolk seemed to have had the wildest weekend of their lives. Me too. I managed to get into a few articles in my green alien suit.  A USA Today affiliate newspaper even printed a whole write up about me and my sign. On the way back, realizing I expected nothing, and found little more than nothing, I was completely satisfied. I had held my sign for peace and found a version of it, internet strangers, weirdos from all over had gathered peacefully to celebrate an idea. A silly and anti authoritarian conspiracy idea, but an idea none the less. I decided the reason I was drove all this way through beautiful american desert land, was because it's something I would have thought was cool as an 11 year old. A mission to see aliens and the people who wanted to meet them. Radical.