#another iterator has been taken care of!

[shkika]

i want back

[breaking-news-the-aroace-has]

The AroAce will accept no criticism. In fact, they have decided to rant about it. (found below the cut)

Some things that are Hallmarks of the classic cinematic Batman are:

-constant depression,

-emotional dysregulation,

-extreme ego and narcissism, and

-refusal to have meaningful relationships outside of casual flings.

the Lego Batman Movie, (along with every other Batman movie) highlights these character traits, and makes sure that the audience knows that they are a direct result of witnessing the death of his parents.

However, what separates Lego Batman from the rest is that he is the only one who realizes that all of those things are deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms that hurt those around him! This movie doesn't romanticize these traits like many other Batman movies. They are portrayed as what they are, and we get to witness the consequences!

Batman's giant ego, his belief that he is the best, the smartest, is such an ingrained and predictable trait that it's what allows the Joker's plan to work. Throughout the film, he discounts and demeans those who are close to him, to the point of telling Alfred, the man who took him in and raised him as his own, that he "doesn't know what it's like to have a surrogate son." He literally and metaphorically pushes everyone who cares about him away, despite them pleading for him to let them help.

It takes him being sent to (arguably) an afterlife for him to realize how much he's hurt others. And even then, at first, he denies it. However, once Lego Batman does understand this, he tries to make things right. He convinces Phyllis, (the 2x4 Lego piece responsible for the phantom zone) to let him return to his world. Upon his return he has to give up his whole, "Batman works alone" mentality, in favor of wholly relying on his friends and family. and when he tries to sacrifice himself at the end of the movie, he gives Robin the lesson that he has learned throughout the course of the movie:

"Sometimes losing people is a part of life, but that doesn't mean you stop letting them in."

Lego Batman changes for the better, and that is why he is not recalled back into the phantom zone. If this were any other iteration of Batman, he likely would have been. This is because Lego Batman is the only one who has actually taken steps to heal from his trauma and actively relies on others for emotional support. Another difference, the "others" he relies on are not romantic relationships! When most batman movies show him in a relationship, it seems to be focused on the Token Hot Woman. But in this movie, it is platonic, familial love that causes him to want to make a change. These relationships are just as valid, and, quite frankly, probably more stable for him at this point in his life.

By the end of the movie, Lego Batman still retains many of the iconic Batman traits. He still runs around at night fighting crime in a batsuit. He is still cool as hell (the character states this explicitly). and he still struggles with the trauma of losing his parents. the difference is; he no longer does it on his own.

[metalhoops]

Inspired by this post

Steve had watched the world end a hundred different ways. He’d lived the same day more times than he could count, watching the people he loved die or feeling himself die. There were things worse than death. There were memories he didn’t dredge up for fear of calling them into the waking world.

He'd held onto hope for the first twenty recurrent days, which had dwindled to a sense of steely determination until he’d lost count of the days. Then all that was left was the comfort of repetition. He was Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill, day in and day out. Steve kept trying and failing to save Eddie until it was all he knew.

Maybe he was Prometheus, who stole fire from the gods and spent his life paying for it, tied to a rock while birds picked at his liver, only for it to grow back with each morning. Prometheus whose name, by definition, means forethought; one’s ability to consider possible futures. Steve had spent a small lifetime considering futures. It wasn’t a comparison he would’ve made on his own. That was Eddie, who’d spent his childhood with his head in thick tomes of fantasy and mythology.

Eddie Munson came to him like cheap furniture, in crudely disassembled pieces that Steve had been working tirelessly to put together. Each new loop brought him another piece of Eddie. His favourite colour was blue. He only woke up early on weekends to watch cartoons. He liked too much cream in his coffee.

The Eddie that existed in a world where Steve stayed with him and Dustin during the swarm of bats had told Steve his biggest dream was to make enough money to buy Uncle Wayne a proper home. His biggest fear was that when he died, no one would remember him.

Days or months later, with Steve repeating the same damn day, he’d finally learnt why Eddie’s love for his uncle ran so deep. Wayne had taken him in before his dad went to jail when the man caught Eddie holding another boy’s hand. In that world, Steve had stayed with Eddie in the RV as the rest of the group searched War Zone.  

Eddie’s mother died when he was six. He’d told Steve that later, or earlier. Steve had and has lost his sense of past and present. Eddie loved his mother deeply, though was unsure if that love had been misplaced. He recalled two mothers, one who read him bedtime stories and threw herself around the kitchen each morning with her wild theatrics and another mother who was distant and whose temper could turn on a dime. Eddie wasn’t sure which of those mothers was his and which was the mother of memory. All good storytellers know the story shapes itself in the retelling. Eddie’s mother was Janus, god of duality.

Steve understood. He loved and hated his parents. These feelings weren’t mutually exclusive. Steve loved Eddie because he’d spent the last hundred-odd days getting to know him, but Steve hated Eddie because he kept dying. Until he didn’t.

The boys lay side by side in the red-blue soil of The Upside Down, their bleeding sides caked with mud and demonic bat viscera. In the end, Steve wasn’t sure what’d done it. It’d been so long since he’d lived Eddie’s original death that it’d been smeared by the haze of memory and conjecture. All he knew was that a sea of bats lay dead around them and that it was over. Finally, over.

Steve removed his hand from where it was pressed into his side and extended it to ensnare Eddie’s. He felt muscles tug and tear from the walls of his ribs with the effort. Blood flowed freely from the cavity, but Steve didn’t care. He wanted to hold Eddie’s hand. Holy shit, they’d done it.

Somewhere along the way, Steve had fallen in love. It’d taken him ten more iterations to reconcile with the fact he could not only like a man but love him.  That was months ago, in Steve’s time. It was old news. “Steve, you still with me?” Eddie asked, his voice horse.

He was hurt, though not as badly as Steve. All his wounds were superficial. He’d be okay. Steve had been so sick of watching Eddie die, he’d been willing to put his body on the line to make sure it didn’t happen again.

In this loop, he was still ‘Steve’, not ‘Stevie’. They hadn’t grown close enough yet. Eddie only called him ‘sweetheart’ in the iterations where they kissed. Steve wanted to kiss him, but there was the taste of iron in his mouth.

“I’m okay,” Steve insisted, squeezing Eddie’s hand. He felt a sharp pain shoot through his side as Eddie pressed his hand into Steve’s wound.

“Christ, there’s a lot of blood,” Eddie muttered to himself. 

He was bad with blood. He’d scraped his knee down to the bone when he was seven and ever since, the sight of gore made him queasy. Steve wasn’t meant to know that yet. In this iteration, he hadn’t told Eddie about the loop. He’d tried before, but it never helped.

Pain and blood loss drag Steve down into a familiar oblivion. He expected to wake at the beginning of the loop, emerging in The Upside Down from Lover’s Lake, but instead, he found himself in a hospital room with Eddie in a bed by his side. It was late, too late for visitors, but Eddie wasn’t sleeping. His eyes were trained on Steve, equal parts concerned and curious.

“You scared the shit out of me,” Eddie confessed, as Steve’s eyes met his. 

Steve wanted to cry or scream. He wanted to untangle himself from the knot of cords and tubes to crawl beside Eddie in bed as they had curled up together in the back of the RV dozens of times before. He needed to hold Eddie to know he was alive, to understand he wasn’t going anywhere. Steve blinked away tears, balling his hands into fists. He didn’t want to scare Eddie.

“I scared you?” Steve choked out a mixture between a laugh and a sob.

Eddie didn’t know what to do. He never knew what to do when people cried. Steve learned that in the iteration where they’d lost Dustin. He didn’t want to think about it.  

“You almost died, man,” Eddie explained.

He somehow understood Steve wanted him closer. Eddie got out of bed, clutching his I.V. drip as he flopped into the chair by Steve’s bedside. He wanted to hold Eddie’s hand again, but he was out of excuses. He could tell him the truth, but he didn’t know what good it would do.

Steve was still used to thinking of possible futures. He was Prometheus who, unlike Sisyphus, escaped his torment. Steve wondered what happened to Prometheus after he was rescued. Did he return to a normal life? Does anyone bother to ask? Prometheus’ story is always about punishment. Afterwards, he was a footnote in the story of Hercules, but once the heroes leave the story, what’s left?

Eddie would know the answer, but it wasn’t a conversation he’d had with this Eddie. That Eddie was dead. This Eddie was and wasn’t him. This Eddie was Janus, god of abstract duality, god of beginnings and ends, god of life and death.

“Sorry my lame-ass face is the first one you had to see. Robin and the kids were in here all day. Wheeler left flowers,” Eddie tacked on awkwardly.

This Eddie didn’t know Steve. They were strangers. Of course, things were awkward. He couldn’t know he was the one person Steve wanted to see more than anything.

“No, Ed’s—.” Slip of the tongue.

“Eddie. I’m really glad you’re here, man.”

They were back to square one, but Steve could work with that. He’d been working with that for months. This time, Eddie would remember. This time, they had the luxury of taking things slow.

“One thing’s been bugging me all day,” Steve began.

After hundreds of days of getting to know Eddie, Steve had learnt a few shortcuts, a few ways to jump-start his way into Eddie’s heart.

“Can you explain what the hell Mordor is?”

It was a tried-and-true method. By that point, Steve knew Eddie’s response off by heart, but he wanted to hear him say it. Eddie gave him the same perplexed look he always did when Steve asked. It was as though Eddie thought he knew too much like there was some secret he wasn’t letting him in on, but he didn’t challenge Steve on it. He never did.

“Harrington, have you heard of Lord of the Rings?” Yes.

“No.” A million times.

“Tell me about it.”

Read Part 2 Here

[spotsupstuff]

(hii Spot been awhile) Something I think that's interesting about the observation about how Slugcats are getting so much attention nowadays is that its almost a 180 from how things were in the pre-downpour days, iirc.

Though I am glad we're getting an AU like yours it's so interesting compared to the usual

Im eating with a fork

Yeah, the fandom was not particularly strong back then, but I think there was more Iterator content. My suspicion as to why slugcats are so much more popular now is because the general "cat appeal"*. Downpour brought in wider audience which mostly consists of people that go wild over cat videos on the internet.

Not my intention to throw shade on it, because after all what does my opinion matter to anyone, but I find the whole "cuteness cult" of the internet annoying and, when applied to Rain World, frustrating. There's a whole silent worldbuilding in basically every screen of the game and the only thing that people seem to take away post-DP is "cute sluggy go wooo :3 the Ancients were such cultist pricks Dx". Which like alright, but expand a little on the latter please? Try? There is So much fun to it when one moves past the "religion only BAD" mindset.

DP also I think didn't care much about the Ancients and the culture they left behind (and therefore the root of Iterators). "But there's Saint!" Saint is almost everything new that wasn't heard of before, can be taken as another fact of monstroid mad religion and, of course, it Has to be wrapped in a fluffy cat package. The undergrowth Echo also feels like a spit in the face to the lore/religion than an addition, to me. My *guess* would be the original intention was showing an individual who failed to ascend because of the Fifth Hindrance but it doesn't *feel* like it. If that was the intention, I think the author didn't understand why a desire to live/survive could ever, in any form, be bad

It's interesting as well in the sense that when there was only Survivor, maybe up to Hunter- the slugcats felt like a vehicle that brings the player to the story. The player saw the world through their eyes and got to experience the world's rules, abiding them- the original campaigns were still subject to the lore/religion of the world.

DP made the slugcats characters, the main focus, in some cases a rebelion against the lore/religion (forever beef against new route for Survivor and Monk). So people had an easier time latching onto them.

That is my theory at least. Fact is also when I first watched RW I almost didn't get into it as a creator because I felt like I had nowhere to hook to and work with. Characters are great anchor points for people to latch on to and then work with/through, so it's not like I blame the fandom for quite literally getting slug infested. It's natural and logical and I'm well aware of it as someone who's trying to be a writer. Still frustrating.

Either way, at least there's a vacuum for me to fill with something I'm actively actually passionate about. It's kind of a sweet bonus that people are somewhat interested, too.

[peoniesnro]

In Another Universe

#4. F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Synopsis – When you are just another iteration of Park Jimin’s girlfriend in a different universe.

Park Jimin × Reader

Genre – parallel universe (duh)/ kind of fantasy/ strangers to ??/ SMUT/ maybe romance/ angst/ fluff /Infidelity

Warnings – Language/ SMUT-Breast play/ nipple play/ grinding/nipple orgasms(with grinding)/ INFIDELITY

Word count – 12k (😑)

a/n- Okay I'm a liar. So much for trying to keep the word count under 10k. Sorry for lying. But I love this chapter. Hope you'll love it too. Oh, and the taglists are open. And you can send asks if you want to. I'm curious to know what y'all thinking. Thank you for reading. ♥️

Taglist?

Chapter index

Previous - Next

...................................................................................................

Jimin avoids you. Like you are the plague.

You are so pissed. Like the momma bear he said you were.

You have no memory of how your night at the club ended. Only that you woke up on your bed the next day. With a throbbing head. And a killer hangover. Another week has passed since that day. Your life went from misery to anguish. To an unbearable pain. You are still struggling with your sleeping patterns, your lectures and job. You are running out of your poor excuses. Key is always on your throat. This switching between two worlds still happens, with no answers or solutions. But nothing makes you madder than Park Jimin.

It’s humiliating to be honest. That he avoids you. You don’t know what’s worse. Whether it’s that he always managed to disappear before you wake up or it’s that you’re worried about that, after everything. He advanced toward you first. He touched you first. He kissed you first. You know why he does what he does. That, however, doesn’t make it a good reason. You can’t find it in you to be unconcerned. You are very concerned. He is a fucking coward.

Fuck him!

You scream loudly. Knowing well that no one is inside this damn apartment. Kick the comforter away. It has only been you for four days now. This is the fifth day you are waking up in this fancy apartment alone. Oh, how you wish you could have the controller of this game. How great it would be if you could start avoiding him too. Why would you care this much? It’s frustrating.

It has taken every ounce of your strength not to destroy something to show your anger. To take a lipstick and write down ‘You fucking asshole! Go to hell!’, in his bathroom mirror. Or to write down a letter using all the vengeful, insulting words you know. Thank God that you have some dignity left in you that you did nothing of the sort. Thank God you managed to come and go without leaving a trace of your existence.

You sigh heavily, watching your reflection in the bathroom mirror. There’s dark circles under your eyes. Your skin looks dry. Drier than the Sahara. Simply put, you look like shit. You’ll have to find a way to make this work if this isn’t going to stop. If you can’t find answers, you need to find a way to stay alive. You still don’t know if Jimin has talked with Liya. If he did what she said. Where she is all these times you spend here. Because certainly there was no sign of her being at your apartment. Yours and Jimin’s assumption was that she might be waking up somewhere that isn’t your apartment. Jimin wasn’t very convinced. Said she would be freaking out the next day if something like that happened.

Oh, how you want to scream at him. This isn’t going anywhere this way. He was adamant of trying to find a way to stop this quickly a few weeks ago. And now he acts like this isn’t a problem at all. What can you do after all? You are in a fancy ass apartment with no communication for fucks sake. Your phone doesn’t work here. Isn’t compatible with wi-fi. You still don’t know if you could try using a SIM card. It’s not like you can go out and find out with no money in your hand. And it’s getting damn cold outside.

You have poked your head inside couple of rooms. Found some electronic devices which were either dead or ancient. Found a laptop protected with password and you didn’t try to unlock it. In the end, while you are in this world, you are isolated from the rest of the human race. No internet. No communication. No Jimin. No way of entertaining yourself for the few hours you spend here.

It’s all his fault. Despite all the frustrating fascinations you found with him, you managed to bottle them up and act normal. He destroyed it all. Ruined. And then he has the nerve to avoid you like it’s all on you.

You rinse your mouth off. Splash your face with water. Aggressively. Why the fucking hell do you want Jimin to be here. He is annoying anyway. Why are you angry that he ruined your ‘perfect stranger’s’ relationship. Angry that he avoids you. Why do you fucking care? You for yourself have no idea why you are mad. Or at what you are mad. You are a complete mess. It’s just you are mad you can kill a man with a crochet hook.

You pat your face with a dry towel. It’s more slapping than patting. Throw the towel away. Leave the bathroom to head toward kitchen when there’s a sharp pang in your lower stomach, making you stop in the track. Anger dissipates. Replaces with the pain. You close your eyes shut. It comes again. Subsidies. Comes again. Nothing unfamiliar to you. You know what it means when there’s random pains in your body.

You have a messed-up period cycle. You always keep pads and tampons with you. Knew that your monthly pal is near for a probable two days now. There has been slight pains in your pelvic region. Today it’s intense, which means your friend has finally arrived. Fuck your life. There is your reason to hate the whole world. No, to hate every single world that exists in every fucking universe. You don’t want to deal with cramps right now. Don’t want to have your period while you’re at someone else’s house. It always sucks. Especially, when you have no pads or any kind or period products with you.

Fuck! You have no pads. You straighten up. Eyes wide. What are you going to do? Use tissues? Maybe you can find Liya’s. You turn around again. Rush to the main bathroom. Start rummaging through bathroom cabinet drawers. One by one. And of course there is none. No pads or tampons. Only things you find are damn period cups. There are couple but you’re not sure which are used ones.

You stand in the middle of the bathroom. Have no idea what you are going to do now. And the pain is slowly becoming unbearable. Of course it is. You have bad cramps. You live your life on pain killers during your periods. You need to get something for your pain before it becomes severe. Before you become a crying mess. You do the best you can. With tissues. That’s not going to last at all, but you can find something for the pain. Fall asleep as fast as possible. You search through bathroom cabinet drawers again. Through the drawers in the room. In kitchen. Of fucking course, you can’t find anything, again. What are these people? Androids? How could they not have painkillers in their home? How come Liya doesn’t have pads for emergency situations? You found some pills. Yes. But you have no idea what those for are. Not going to risk your life here.

You crouch down next to the fridge. Pain is intense now. You can’t even stand on your own feet. It’s like your uterus is about to fall. You need to think. About a way to solve this problem. Is hard when your mind is clouded with pain. You are scared to sit down on a chair. What if you stain it? It’ll be so embarrassing.

Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out.

You take deep breaths. There is no way you could fall asleep with this kind of pain. You need pads or anything to help with the blood bath happening between your thighs. You need painkillers. And you have no money and you’re not going to steal money from this house. You are in too much pain to do something like that. There’s only one person you can ask for help. Not that you want to talk to him. He avoids you. Don’t want to appear desperate. Still, the pain is too intense.

There is no communication. You hate that some people decided to rely on smartphones completely. Hate that Jimin and Liya are apparently those kinds of people. Have no landline in their house. You can’t simply bother with trying to unlock locked devices. Your brain isn’t functioning properly at all when you yank the main door open. Reach the only other apartment on this floor. Knock at their door. It opens fast for your relief, revealing a young woman probably on her 30s. She gapes at you. More than surprised.

“Uh…I… I’m really sorry but can I make a phone call?” How stupid this whole ordeal is. What are you doing in front of a stranger’s door and asking for a fucking phone. Should’ve died in your pain. Middle of a blood pool, than this. What were you thinking? The woman raises her eyebrows with her eyes wide. “Well, yeah, but are you okay Liya? You look pale? Why are you here to make a phone call? Where’s Jimin?” There are so many questions leaving her mouth but the only one that registered on your brain is ‘are you okay Liya’.

Shit, you forgot that you look like Liya. Now this might look even more ridiculous in this woman’s eye. You don’t even know her name. You are supposed to be Liya and this woman, in that case, is your neighbor. You try to smile. “I’m… fine. I just uh... broke my phone and…” You don’t know what you should say. “I’m not okay actually.” That feel better than trying to find excuses. “I just need to call Jimin, and I don’t remember his number. Phone’s broken and I… can you please?” You blurt that out. Whatever happens next, you’ll deal with it later. Blood will start running down your legs at this rate.

She stares at you for a minute. And then nods and holds the door for you. Invites you inside and gives you her phone. Thank fuck, she has his number saved. You thank her over and over before dialing his number. Listen to the ringback tone. You absolutely don’t want to do this. Don’t want to talk to Jimin. Ugh, it’s better if you could call Lee Seung than Jimin. The woman walks away to give you privacy. You watch her retrieve into a room while biting onto your thumb nail. You are just about to bite your whole finger away when the phone is answered.

“Mrs. Lee?” Jimin’s voice reaches your ear through the phone. There’s concern laced in his voice. He needs to say hello first. You take a deep breath before speaking. Feel like you have telephobia.

“Uh hello! Jimin, it’s me...” You don’t know if he can recognize you. He will think you are Liya. “Spring Roll?” Oh no he doesn’t think you are Liya. Funny how he went from not recognizing your very obvious differences to recognizing your voice apart from Liya. Or he just knows it’s your day to be here.

“Hey? Are you okay Lil? What’s happening? Why are you like… Why are you at Lee’s?” He asks again when you don’t answer. You didn’t realize you hadn’t answered. You scrunch your eyes shut and grit your teeth to endure a sharp cramp. “No. I mean I’m fine but… Jimin… I need... uh…” It feels embarrassing. “Lil? What is it?” You can hear him shuffle around. Makes you wonder if he is already leaving. Like an obsessed lover in a stupid love story.

“I need um…”

“Yes?”

“I need pads. I need pain killers.” You finally get that out.

It’s fine. It’s fine.

“Sorry but I have no money and there’s no way to contact anyone and it hurts and-” You start again. Feel the need to explain your situation when he disrupts your rambling.

“Okay.” A silence. “Hey Lil? It’s okay.” Another silence. He is probably waiting for you to respond. You don’t. So, he speaks again. “I’ll come. Go home now.” With that he hangs up.

Home?

…………………………………………………………………………………

You blink at the stupid door. You had closed it behind you when you left the apartment. And now it’s locked. You don’t know the password. A quiet groan escapes your mouth as you slightly bang your forehead on the door. Why does your life always go from bad to worse? It’s not like you can just go back and knock on Lee’s door. No, you can’t do that. It’s better to stay here, waiting for Jimin to come. So, you do that. Crouch down again because it hurts bad. Lean your back against the door. Wait... When you are not in pain and can form coherent thoughts, you’ll slap yourself and then later kill Jimin- even though he is the one helping you.

…………………………………………………………………………………

It probably took more than thirty fucking minutes for him to come. Tears are rolling down your cheeks, and you are at verge of passing out, when you finally hear the elevator ding. Tissues are failing you and you are about to cry all over again for the embarrassment when your head snaps towards the sound of footsteps. Eyes landing on Jimin. On a black suit again. Like the last time you saw him. He has a grocery bag in his hands. He stops. Eyes on you. Takes a shaky breath in and approaches you like wind. Crouches down beside you.

“Fuck. What are you doing here? Are you okay?” He slightly touches your face. You shake your head. “No. It hurts. Bad.” You can’t be embarrassed now.

“Fuck I’m sorry it took some time to come Lil. But why are you here? Outside?” His eyes are wide. Mouth a little agape. Adorable. You clutch your stomach tightly. “I... ha...ve no password. I... don’t kn... know it.” You manage through gritted teeth. Jimin sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. Lamenting. Looks like he wants to slap himself.

“Shit. Shit, I’m sorry Lil. I forgot, like…”

You interrupt his pointless apologizing with a painful whine. You’re not his responsibility after all. It’s not like he should be here. Jimin gapes at you, mouth open, for a split second. Nods his head in realization. Surprises you when he suddenly grabs you from your upper arm. Makes sense when he reaches for the lock and enters the password. He holds you steady, so you won’t fall. He holds you steady, so you won’t get into your feet on your own. Stops you when you try to. Surprises you again when he cradles you. You yelps first in surprise and then in mortification.

“No, Jimin. There’s probably …” You don’t get to complete that sentence. Not as he enters the house. Kicks the door shut behind you.

“Fuck it.”

…………………………………………………………………………………

“You fine now?” Jimin softly asks you as he stares at your huddled figure, laying on your side. He stands next to the bed. You feel fairly fine now compared to earlier. Not completely, though. Pain isn’t going to subside just after you swallow some pills. You nod anyway. You are now perfectly curled up in his guest bed. All clean and tummy full. In his clothes since you said you shouldn’t wear Liya’s clothes all the time without her permission. Ready to sleep with your phone and your clothes pressed to your chest. You learned from your mistakes and evolved through the time you’ve been here. That’s how you learned to dress properly to bed. Even with a bra, despite how much you hate to wear it. From now on, you’ll make sure you carry a care package to bed with you. With every essential in there.

“You sure?” Jimin asks again, slightly bending down toward you. You crack an eye open to look at him. He is still in his dress shirt. Looks worried. It was ridiculous how you had to assure him again and again that you will not die and are fully capable of showering alone. He is a funny thing. Jimin is. Paradoxical. Complicated. You find him hard to read. “I’m fine Jimin. It hurts but I’ll be okay. This shit happens every month.” You state matter-of-factly. Jimin snorts. Sits on the edge of the bed. “You sure? Cause you sure did act like it was your first time.” There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. He has been avoiding you for nearly a week and now acts like nothing happened. Pisses you off. You take a breath in to calm yourself down.

“Well, I always take something for my pain and it’s not like I always ended up in some stranger’s house…You know? With no pads and...” Your words trail off as you watch Jimin grins now. He is teasing you. Asshole. “Oh, fuck you Jimin. It was an emergency. Sorry I bothered you.” You grumble, trying to hide your face in the pillow. “Hey, no Lil, I was just joking and uh... anyway you didn’t bother me. It’s okay to ask for help sometimes. I’m glad you did. If it hurts then it hurts.” He places his hand on your arm. Makes you shudder. His voice is serious now.

You sneak a peek at him again. He and you need to talk. Talk about what happened last time he was close to you. You need to convince him too. Convince that you were drunk and forget it ever happened. This moment, however, doesn’t feel like the right time. You’re still in pain and it’s always easy to procrastinate. It’s okay to let it slide for this one last time. You and Jimin were on good terms before the club night happened. With playful banters and insults that didn’t actually hurt you both. You were kind of friends. Right? Perfect strangers? There’s no reason to be hostile or distance when he is the only person you know in this world. You can sweep it under the rug until you take it out again. So, you nod. Mutter a soft thank you.

“I wouldn’t have call you anyway if I had you know… I just… Fuck.” You don’t know what you should say.

Jimin smiles. His cheeks puffs out like soft, round loaves of bread. You madly want to squeeze them.

Nope. You don’t.

“It’s okay Lil. It was an emergency, like you said. I know you wouldn’t have reached me if it wasn’t. But are you gonna be okay alone? Like do you want me to stay?” He asks, through his grin. Adorable but is so dramatic. You roll your eyes.

“It’s just periods Jimin. I know I was crying but believe me I will not die, I promise.”

“You promise?”

“Yes. I promise. Happy? You can go to work now Mr. CEO. You have a business...” You wince. Grit your teeth. Blow a breath out. “…to run, don’t you?” Complete your sentence finally. Random cursed cramps. Jimin gives you a skeptical glance. Doesn’t say anything when he stands up. You watch him curiously when he rounds the bed and climbs up next to you. This is not good. This, definitely, isn’t good. What is he doing?

“Okay…? What are you doing?” You mumble with wide eyes. “Nothing. Just going to make sure you won’t actually die.” He says as laying back. Eyes on the celling. You turn to your back too. “Seriously Jimin? This is ridiculous. You can go. Besides, isn’t this weird for you to lay here with me?” Look at him with your head turned to his face. “I wake up next to you every other day spring roll. And most of the time, you cling to me like a koala.” He says that very nonchalantly when you choke on your own spit. Do you? You gape at him. Do you really do that? Jimin’s bread cheeks are appearing again, however. He is trying so bad not to break into a laugh. You groan annoyingly. “You little stupid….” Mumble every curse word you know as you turn your side again. Your back to him. Jimin giggles. Why does he have to be adorable all the time? Why do you have to think he is adorable all the time? And hot. And...

This time you are grateful for the sudden pain that make you reel. It distracts you from Jimin. Even though it makes you whimper quietly and squeeze your tummy. Grit your teeth hard and leave you exhausted when it subsides. You take a deep breath after the pain become bearable. Feel Jimin shifts behind you. Maybe he turns to his side too. There’s a beat of silence before his voice reaches you again.

“Are you really okay Lil? Does it hurt a bad?” His voice is too soft for your liking. Makes your heart picks up the speed of pumping blood.

Bad.

You just nod to indicate you are indeed fine when another cramp hits you. He shifts again. Closer to you this time. You are certain. Can feel his warmth on your back now. Makes you tingle all over. This is really bad. And it’s worsen when he speaks again.

“Want me to help you? Do something to soothe the pain?” Jimin whispers. Makes goosebumps appear on your skin. Makes the hair in the nape of your neck stand. You shot your eyes open, staring into dark blue curtains of the room. Heart now beating violently. What does he mean?

“Help me how?” Your body has started to react exactly like that time in the club. Funny, since he isn’t touching you this time. You don’t even know what he is insinuating at. He might well be saying that he would tell you a bedtime story and you are already panting. “I... uh...don’t know. Like rub your tummy like. Fuck I don’t know Lil. Anything to help you.” His voice is still a whisper, and you shudder. Again. Oh, he indefinitely is not going to tell you bedtime stories. Why would he suggest this at all?

The air in the room suddenly feels heavy. You two are going to fuck things up for a second time if you don’t say the right thing.

All you need to say is, ‘are you crazy? I don’t want you touching me, Park Jimin. That’s so wrong. Go to hell’. Then why are you nodding.

This is a disaster.

You stiffen when you feel him scoot closer. Not quite in contact with your body but you are sure just a light movement from you, would make your back plastered into his chest. Can feel his breath on your neck. Like the last time. Makes your head spin. Like the last time. Mouth dry and heart about to leap away. Like the last time. And you are poised. Anticipation firing inside you. Excitement bubbling. Not even trying to soothe your dry throat. As if one single moment from you will make him disappear. “Want me to Lil?” He asks again. Fuck its addicting how his breath fanning your neck when he speaks. You nod again, weakly. “Words Lil. Say you want me to.” Jimin doesn’t even move a finger. Just stays close to you. This surely doesn’t feel like trying to soothe your pain. Instead, feel like you are doing something immoral. Well, it is immoral. You need to use your words and say you don’t want his help. Shouldn’t let this carry away like the last time.

“Yes. Help me Jimin.” You mutter breathlessly. To hell with it. You don’t know what you are doing. “Soothe the pain you know. It’s okay since you are trying to help.” Add that part just for the sake of your sanity. To justify the situation. To make it fair and mitigate. You expect Jimin to laugh at that. Snort. Asks you to stop being a bitch and then trying to justify your bitchy actions. If you are bad, then you are bad. He doesn’t. He doesn’t do any of those things. Surprisingly, agrees with you. “Yes, I’m just trying to help.” You are certain he says it to himself more than to you. You nod in agreement anyway. Wait until he do something. Patiently. Holding your breath. Let that breath out with a shiver when he finally snakes his hand over your waist. Palm flat and places on your tummy. Over your (his) hoodie. “Like this?” Asks again and start to rub gentle circles all over your stomach. You don’t trust your voice. Are afraid you’ll moan. All you can do is nod.

Fortunate how he doesn’t ask you to use your word. You think this situation is embarrassing. How you are near moaning when he is just rubbing your stomach. There’s nothing more but you are becoming pliant. Turning into a mush under his touch. That’s exactly how it was the last time. You’re pathetic aren’t you?

You visibly shudder when his breath hits your sensitive skin every time. It feels good. You won’t lie. Even when you can’t feel his touch properly, it feels damn good. Enough to make you sigh in relief. “Am I doing it right?” Jimin whispers in your ear. A weak yes escapes your mouth. “Does it help? Do you want more?” He scoots closer to you more. Finally press his chest into your back.

Oh God!

You don’t know what you should say. In a world where you are a completely sane person, you would say yes that helps and you don’t want anything more. This world, however, is a world where you are completely insane. So, you say no, for the first question. So, you say yes, for the latter one. Jimin sighs heavily. Almost like he is beyond relieved with your answers. As if he waited for you to say them.

“Okay. I’ll push your hoodie up. Huh? Just want to soothe the pain. That way will be better.” He waits again until you say yes. Give him the green light to proceed. The thing is, he needs to stop asking because you won’t say no. You feel like you are high. Your brain is malfunctioning. Bite your bottom lip until the blood draws when he does push the hoodie up, after another one of your weak yes’. Touches your bare tummy. Directly touches your skin for the first time. Without any barriers and you are certain he feels how you tremble.

It's just fingers first. Drawing mindless, yet burning patterns on your hot skin. And then he is pressing those fingers on your skin. Then painfully slowly his entire palm. Touches you properly. Massages your soft muscles. His hand is all over your tummy.

“This good?” Asks again. Makes you annoyed.

“Yes. Please.” Fuck why did you say please. What are you begging for. You’re really glad he doesn’t ask. Just keeps caressing you. Rubbing. Massaging. Touches turning tender every time. Comes even more closer to you. Hides his face in your hair. You weakly whimper when you feel him inhaling. A feathery kiss following. He brings you Impossibly closer to him.

“Lil...” Breathes in your ear.

“Hm?”

“Fuck. Just?”

“What?” Your voice is barely audible.

“Can I? Please?” His voice is no different. Husky. Breathy. And feels like liquid honey to your ears.

You know what he is asking for. You shouldn’t but you do. This is the only chance for you to do the right thing. At least pretend dumb and stop him.

“Yes. Jimin….yes.” How desperate you sound. The only relief is the shudder you feel on Jimin’s body. “Thanks fuck.” Says as his hand starts wandering upwards. Up, up and up. You give up trying to keep your mouth shut. Allow yourself to softly moan when his hand reaches your ribcage. Touches you there properly. Fingers graze the underside of your boobs. But doesn’t go any further. Stops there. Drives you crazy.

No, you shouldn’t ask for it. Shouldn’t beg.

“Fuck Jimin. Please.”

Jimin hides his face in your neck. His grip on you tighten. “Please what?” Loves to make you little more miserable than you are. It seems. “Please what Lil? What do you want?” Asks again in your ear. You want to go back to your bickering selves and curse the shit out of him. Impossible when he gives you feathery touches under your left boob. So, you give up.

“Touch me. Please fuck touch me.” Ask for what you want like a good girl. Jimin curses. “Touch you where? I am touching you.” Says as he squeezes you tightly. You whimper again. This time in complaint. He doesn’t do anything though. Waits patiently for your answer. Well, fuck it!

“Tits. My tits Jimin. Please touch them.” You don’t say those words, you moan them. Jimin kisses your ear at that. “Fuck Lil.” Mumbles in your ear and then his hand goes to where you want it to be. Grabs your left boob in his palm. Grips it hard. Molds. Sighs heavily.

“Fuck you are not wearing a bra again?” Traces his thumb over your hardened nipple. Takes it between his thumb and forefinger, pinch it. Makes you twitch. Do it again and again. “I… J... Jimin. I…” Your voice is trembling. “It’s hot.” Jimin says mindlessly. Shifts the attention between your two breasts. Molds them so good that you are moaning without you realizing. Makes Jimin press himself firmly against you.

It feels so sudden. Like the time in club. Why do you do this? He and you? Why neither of you can think properly? You are not drunk now. Very sober and still do this.

It's very wrong. Immoral. Unfaithful. Yet, it’s happening. And it is so fucking good. You’ve been starving for touch, and you are incapable of refusing one when you finally receive it. Especially, when those touches belongs to someone like Park Jimin. You’ll think about the reasons later. For now, you’ll just give up. Let him play. Touch you right. Allow him more access to do it more. That’s why you slowly start to roll onto your back. To let him touch you more. He helps you. Shits in his place and snakes his hand under your neck. Curls that hand so you become impossibly close to him. Keeps groping your soft mounds. Like he can’t stop doing so.

You look at him for the first time after you started this. Are so happy to see him flushed. Similar to you. Eyes hooded and pupils dilated. Mesmerizing. Comes closer to your face. Breath fanning your lips now. For split second you think he’ll kiss you. Disappointingly, he doesn't. Murmurs against your mouth instead.

“They are so soft. Your tits. Fucking soft. Wanna touch them all the time.” His lips slightly brush against yours when he mumbles. You moan shamelessly. You were turned on in an inhuman way from the beginning. Now though, you think you’ll die. You smell him in. Want to tell him he can just do that. Feel like you are travelling through the clouds. Words fail you. Only breathless whimpers and monas leave your dry mouth.

“Will you show me, Lil?” Asks again since all you do is gaping. It’s already too late turn around now. You rub your thighs together. Clench around nothing. “Please? Just want to see.” Squeezes your left tit so hard that a cry rip through your throat. Back arching. You nod desperately. “Yes. Yes. Yes, you can.” Close your eyes to drown in the head spinning feeling. Only for a moment though. Open them slowly again when you feel Jimin shifts your hoodie up. Revealing your bare skin to him. You are not surprised anymore. Just painfully horny. The way his breathing staggered, makes the sensation double. He pushes the hoodie all the way up. Toward your neck. Gets your tits bare in front of his eyes.

“Shit. Fuck Lil.” Curses some more. Molds your tits some more. Props himself a little bit. You reluctantly raise your head to let his hand go. Leans over you. Grabs your tits with his both hands. Start groping and molding. Sanity is slipping through his fingers as you watch. You and him both are insane now. You keep leaning into his touches. Harsh and pleasurable ministrations. Moan his name.

“Shit you are gorgeous.”

“You have seen them Jimin.”

“This is different. Fuck. I wanna suck them.” He peeks at you through his lashes. The desperation in his face together with his words are enough to make you cum in your pants. You want to say yes but words aren’t coming out. Especially, when he presses a tender kiss to one of your nipples. Pulls back to look at your face. Then kisses the other one. Doesn’t pull back this time, just stays in his place and inhales. Smells you. “Fuck!” Curses. You want to say yes.

He doesn’t wait for your answer anyway. And you are glad. “Want them in my mouth Lil. Gonna suck them, okay? Gonna… fuck.” He gives up entirely. Gives up on talking. Explaining. Dives right into your tits. Takes one hardened bud in his mouth. And you find words. “Holy fuck Jimin... Oh god...” You nearly cry. Hands reaching his head. Fingers lacing through his blonde locks. You have sensitive nipples but this? His mouth does wonders apparently. His hot tongue swirls around your nipple. Sucks on them. Moans. Sucks your life out of you. Keeps groping the other one. Then takes the other nipple in mouth while squeezing the now free one. Kisses and sucks every inch of skin he can find on your tits. Lightly bites. Leaves your tits wet with his saliva. You like the feeling. Even love it when he starts sucking on your skin harder. Surely giving you marks.

“Fuck, you are so sensitive. Think you can cum like this?” Jimin asks so suddenly that you are beginning to be surprised again. It’s so out of blue. “What?” You ask through your whimpers. “Cum Lil. Can you cum while I suck on your tits?” Asks again. Doesn’t wait for your answer and goes back to his work. Well, you don’t think you’ll completely be able to do that. Without a single pressure on your clit or nothing close to your quivering hole. “I’m not… su…sure. Like I need... Jimin.” You tug from his hair. He moans. You don’t think he understand what you are trying to say. See, now Jimin will never cease to amaze you. Can read minds. Doesn’t say anything but completely hovers over you. Places one knee between your thighs. Presses. You shudder. Reel. Moan. Watch the way Jimin peeks at you again. One of your tits still in his mouth. Moaning against your nipple. Pops it out. Kisses your wet nipple and bites it lightly. Licks it.

“C’mon, go on. Rub your pussy on my knee.” Says against your tit before starting to suck on it again.

And of course you do. How are you to refuse such a demanding plea. Press his face more into your chest and start grinding your cunt on his knee. Desperate. Hard. Fast. And he keeps sucking your tits. Soaking them. Encourages you with grunts and groans. Vibrations he cause travel through your body like liquid fire. To your core and makes that knot in your tummy tighten. Tighten with every press of your cunt on his knee. Even though it’s through layers of clothing. With his every suck on your tit. And right at a moment when he bites little harsh on your right nipple that knot explodes. Making you cry for him. Your grip on his hair tighten. Nearly rip his hair off when he finally pops your nipple from his mouth. Stares into your flushed face. Smirks. Peppers some light kisses to your abused tits. Makes you flush with embarrassment.

You both take a moment. Jimin is still grabbing and holding your breasts. You are staring into the ceiling. Both of you taking deep breaths. Trying to calm down from your high. Jimin retrieves his hands from your breasts slowly. The stupor you were in breaking down. Shattering into little pieces, so you could see properly. Think properly again. And the very moment, unclouded thoughts occur in your mind, you sit back abruptly. Making Jimin do the same. Both of you inhaling a shaky yet deep breath. Just like that, you two fucked up again. It doesn’t make sense how you lose control. How he loses control.

You want to ask him why? See, now it was only you who reached a high and he didn’t. Does he want the same? Are you willing to give him that? If he doesn’t want that, why did he do that for you? Is this the same kind of situation where he was confused? No, he kept calling you Lil. Not Liya.

You stare at his face. His face is flushed still but calming down. Eyes starting to flash something else which is not desire. Regret perhaps. You want to ask million things.

“Don’t fucking run away Jimin.” That’s the only thing that leaves your mouth. He shakes his head at that. Blows a breath out.

“I won’t. Just sleep. We will talk.” He says. There’s no warmth or softness in his voice anymore. His voice isn’t husky or breathy. Just like the last time, he is very serious now. Only that he isn’t stuttering. Nor does he run away like you burn him. Still, he and you are both back on earth now. He stares at you for another hard minute. Then he climbs down from the bed.

“We will talk Lil. I promise.” Says before running away. Again.

You fucked up. Again.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“Okay for real young lady, I don’t buy anything you say.” Key screeches in your ear as you try to wipe the tables down. End your shift and go home. Key isn’t supposed to be here, and she’s annoying you so much. “Well, I don’t know what I should say to you then my dear best friend. Move out of the way please. I have works to do.” You nudge her out of your way with your hip. She scoffs. “You should tell me the truth bitch. What’s happening in your life? How come you miss so many lectures and where the hell are you going all that time?” She keeps trailing after you. From one table to another.

“Do you have a secret boyfriend or something? So, you fuck around with him and miss your lectures? Are You fucking crazy? Who’s going to pay for you to repeat the subjects….” Her nagging is becoming unbearable, and you are glad Chan interrupts you. “You gonna fail your subjects?” He asks with a look that’s torn between pissed and incredulous on his face. You take back the glad part. You groan. Throw the cleaning cloth on your hand onto the table. “No one boss. No one’s failing their classes. My best friend is just fucking dramatic.” You point your finger at her.

She gasps. See, dramatic. “Don’t talk to me like that you little brat. I’m worrying my life away here for you.” Turns to Chan. “She’s been going MIA for some time now. Doesn’t attend lectures. I can’t reach her. And she sometimes doesn’t come to work too. Doesn’t she Chan?” Starts nagging to him instead of you. Fine by you to be honest. This is the first time in a while you are here at your workplace at the same time with Chan and Key. You guess Chan hasn’t confessed his feelings for Key yet. She would tell you if he did. Surprisingly, you don’t feel much bitter about it now.

You found out that you can talk to Chan normally a few days ago. Without any hard feelings and not wanting to cry nor slap him. And now you are finding out that you can stay in the same room with both of them. It hasn’t been that long since your rejection. Just nearly a month but probably the things happening in your life makes the rest of your life problems insignificant.

“It’s only been couple of days. So, it’s just fine.” Chan answers Key’s question with a shrug. Doesn’t sit properly with Key apparently. “Oh, c’mon… How that’s not fucking concerning Chan. It’s very irresponsible of an employee to be unattended without prior-”

“Fuck Key. Are you my friend or enemy?” You interrupt her while sneaking a glance at Chan. He is unbothered. There’s a grin on his face. As if Key said the most adorable thing right now. Well, if that’s how he always looked at her, then you might have been blind. “That’s fine Key. She is just not an employee. We are kind of friends so, as long as you don’t disappear for like weeks and months that’s fine with me.” He says finally, looking between you and Key. Key sighs while you nod in assent.

“Well, that makes this situation even more concerning. As a friend of her you need be worried as I am. What if she planning to sell her kidney.” Key doesn’t want to accept defeat. She has been constantly nagging you lately. Nothing you say is believable anymore. You have said you are sick so many times that Yoon-hee, your favorite professor, told you that you can ask her help if your illness is terminal. They might think you’re dying at this rate. It’s reasonable and very fair that Key is worried. You would be too. Can’t tell her the real reason though.

“I’m just fine Key. Please stop worrying. And my kidneys are safe.” You pat your lower back before reaching for the cleaning cloth again. Look back at her. “I promise. If I really am in a problem, I will tell you. You know that already.” Say as you start to wipe down the tables. Miss the glance Key and Chan share.

“You will?” Key asks, finally accepting the defeat.

“I will.” You nod without looking at them.

“I meant it when I said we are friends, you know. You can ask for help if you want, my very hard-working employee.” Chan adds when he isn’t a part of this at all. You and he are not that close friends. You were once infatuated with him, but not anymore. Still, you nod. Say you know.

It’s better you figure things out soon before you fuck up things in this world as well. Now, after you officially ruined things in Jimin’s world, you want this switching to end as soon as possible. You’ll find a way. Yes. You will.

…………………………………………………………………………………

This is the most unproductive Jimin has been in his entire life. He was far better than this when he was a college fuck boy and didn’t give a damn about passing his subjects. Even then he did a better job than staring at his computer screen. Black. It has been exactly fifteen minutes since he sat here in his study. He has work to do, but can’t concentrate. His mind is everywhere. No, that’s a big lie. His mind isn’t everywhere but at two people. Two people who look exactly same but not at the same time.

Why did he allow that to happen. Not once, but twice. Did he really think you were Liya? No. He didn’t. Jimin found a simple answer for his questions after loads of thinking. He really is a fucking asshole. Just like you said. He knew what he was doing but still did. Knew it was wrong but threw morality out the window the moment he felt you. And he fucked up.

The day at the club, when he returned to your booth to find you and that jerk named Jungkook were gone. Gone for a fucking dance. Jimin had felt his guts twist with an unfamiliar rage. He wasn’t or isn’t the jealousy type. Besides, you weren’t his girlfriend or anyone else that mattered to him. Still, he found his legs working on their own as he drifted to the dance floor. Saw you with him. Smiling. Laughing. Felt the same pang he felt when he saw you with Taehyung that day earlier. Saw he turns you around. Touches you. And he wasn’t thinking at all when he started storming toward you. He had a good excuse in his mind. You were supposed to be Liya. Liya will never do that. And only she knows why. It didn’t matter though. What mattered only was that you were breaking the character, and he needed to cover it. Before you ruin everything.

Funny, how he was the one who ruined things afterwards. It was pure bliss when he felt your body against him. Simply, the moment he felt you he started to think with his dick. It’s simple as that. That’s what happened at both times. He did his best to stay away from you after the club. Doesn’t know why he felt that it was the best decision. That it would solve the problem. He, after all, kind of knew he would fuck up again, if he was to be with you. Just like he thought, he did. Fucked up. And what he did was cheating.

Jimin cringes visibly at his own thoughts. He left that life behind, didn’t he? When he met Liya. When he started his business. He left his playful life behind. He is not Taehyung; he stopped jumping into fire pits just because it’s fun. Those stupid decisions people make just because they feel good at the moment, always come back to bite in their asses. Exactly like now. Like Jimin is drowning in misery full of guilt and regret. Guilty toward Liya. Regret toward you. Because even if it’s for a little while Jimin knows you. Even if you and he may not have a proper tag on your relationship. It was fine. The relationship you had. It was fine. More than fine actually and he ruined it.

His miserable thoughts got startle out of him, making him jump on his seat when the door of the study room suddenly slammed open. He snaps his head to the door at the same time Liya barges in. That’s not very like her. She knows how to knock after all. And she looks wearied off. Jimin watches curiously as his girlfriend takes a seat. Slams her bag on the desk. Makes Jimin flinch.

“What’s going on?” He asks carefully.

“I missed my meeting with Owen Scott. With the ‘Owen Scott’. Yesterday. Because I slept through it and the deal ruined Jimin. Can you believe that? I lost this one chance to partner with Scott. My dad is going to kill me.” Liya vents. Jimin feels like she slaps him. She missed that meeting while, he was fondling with your breasts happily. Has to bite his tongue so he won’t say something stupid. Oh, the guilt starts to tear his conscience away.

“Oh! I mean, that’s bad but reach to him again….?” He says after carefully deciding that’s the best reply. Liya gives him an incredulous look. “Don’t talk like you don’t know business Jimin. If you missed, you missed. There’s no going back.” She slumps her shoulders. Then puts her hand on the desk. Let her head falls down between her hands.

“Who said that to you?” Jimin doesn’t think Liya is here to talk business. They rarely do that. Live in two different worlds. He wants her to go. This is really uncomfortable. How much of a dick he is. “My father of course. But that’s not the problem Jimin. I keep sleeping through the days. It happened more than one time, are you aware?” Liya raises her head back. To give Jimin an accusatory look. Jimin wasn’t in a good mood to begin with. And that mood starts to get worsen when Liya silently, but definitely accuses Jimin. She does that all the time. Even his guilty conscience starts to dissipate at her accusatory look.

“And that’s my fault? That you sleep through your meetings?” He feels like shit when he says that, however. It’s not his fault, to be fair. But still he knows what’s happening yet never tried to explain that to her. Maybe this is his chance to bring that subject up. He promised you he would talk to Liya. But after the club he felt too cowardly to face either of you. For different reasons.

Jimin feels heavy. Bile rising up his throat. He cheated on her. Their relationship might not be the best but still cheating never was something they had both done. Ever. Not even when he can’t remember when they last had sex.

Yes, that’s it. That’s why he was so out of control with you. Sexually deprived. Never felt the need to find a woman to satiate his needs since he was so busy. That, however, in the end doesn’t change the fact he is human. So doesn’t the fact it was wrong.

“No. How’s that your fault?” She questions back. Keeps her gaze on Jimin’s face. Makes him uneasy. God, he needs to come clean, doesn’t he? How though? This is a very complicated matter. “No, I should have woken you up.” He says timidly in the end. Voice barely a whisper. Liya certainly doesn’t expect that if the way her eyebrows raise is anything. Jimin can’t wake her up even if he wants to. And he doesn’t know what he should do. You and he will have to do something soon. Liya nods slightly. Says that it wasn’t his fault, and she doesn’t expect him to do that. Surely is about to say something else when Jimin beats her to it.

It’s now or never.

“Baby, are you sure you are just sleeping through days?” The term of endearment feels heavy on his tongue. She looks confuse for a moment. Her perfect brows pull together. “What do you mean?” Asks. “Uh… like... are you having weird dreams?” He praises himself for coming up with that.

“Like what kind of dreams?”

“I don’t know. Like any kind of dream. Vivid dreams I mean.” Waits hopefully for her answer. “No… No, I don’t dream at all, I think. It’s like I’m dead while I’m sleeping.” Says making Jimin feel even more miserable. How is he ever going to clear this mess. He just nods. “That’s good. I mean at least you are not having any bad dreams.” Says as he finally turns his computer on. Liya clears her throat again, however. Jimin thought she would leave, but of course that can’t be the reason why she is here. They don’t share their problems. She isn’t here to vent about her issues like she should.

“Well? You are not here to tell me your life sucks, are you?” Jimin pays his attention back to Liya, lips curling up slightly despite there’s nothing amusing happening. Liya blows a breath out before taking another one in. “No. I’m here to tell you that I can’t make it to the Hoseok’s party. Sorry baby.” Says without an ounce of regret in her voice or face. It’s Jimin’s turn to blow a breath out. He isn’t surprised at all. Nor is he hurt. It’s very expected from Liya. Just tilts his head up. Asks the reason simply.

“I just have to meet Min Jae for this dinner on New Year’s Eve. I’m so sorry but it’s so sudden baby. He only called me just this morning-”

“Don’t fucking lie Liya. You are not least bit sorry, and you never wanted to join me there at Hoseok’s at first place.” Jimin scoffs. There was a time he couldn’t stand Min Jae. The damn celebrity and the heartthrob of Seoul, South Korea. Doesn’t know since when he does not care. Liya flinches at his words. Or voice.

“Watch your tone and words Park Jimin. You don’t get to talk to me like that because you’re jealous. You’re too old to be jealous.” Liya says sternly as she stands up.

Jealous?

“I’m by no means fucking Jealous baby.” Jimin emphasizes the word fuck yet tones down his voice. Doesn’t want to fight. Not after he did something wrong. Feels like he has no right to do so. Liya stares at his face. “Good then. Just tell them I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it.” Takes her bag and walks to the door. Reaches the doorknob but then turns around again. “You know what Jimin? You should at least pretend you’re disappointed. You don’t look like you care at all.” Bites on to her bottom lip while waiting for Jimin’s answer.

See, now Jimin is wrong for everything he did yet Liya makes his blood boil with her stupid antics. She wants him to beg. All the time. Wants him to be the one who gives hundred percent. He happily did so once. When he thought he would be able to do forever without getting tired but then he did. He is fucking exhausted of that. Ever since that day he finally felt tired he and Liya started to crumble.

So, he scoffs. “You know what Liya? You should at least pretend that you’re sorry you couldn’t make it. You don’t care at all. And if you think I would beg, sorry Miss. Kim Liya, but I’m just fine by myself.”

…………………………………………………………………………………

“So….” You start after staring into each other’s faces for a solid five minutes. It’s getting awkward.

“So…” Jimin repeats you. Just sitting in a desk chair while you sit on the edge of the bed. In his bedroom again. You were so worried about this day to be honest. You partially expected him to start avoiding you despite his words. But he was here when you opened your eyes. And it was you who insisted on having this conversation as the first thing. That way your own nerves will not allow you to sweep the conversation back under the rug, just after you pulled it out. So, here you are. Gaping at your faces with no words leaving your mouths.

“We need to talk Jimin. You promised we would talk.” You pout at him. Unintentionally again. There’s a slight smile ghosting on Jimin’s lips, but he doesn’t really smile. “We are talking.” He says, gesturing between you. “You call this talking? I can’t believe you are in a five-year long relationship when this is your idea of talking.” You say with a huff. “Exactly. That’s why it does work.” Jimin mutters under his breath. You want to ask what he meant but that would certainly distract your subject of matter. So, you heavily sigh as you get to your feet. Approach him. He looks up at you. It’s not comfortable having this conversation while he looks at you like that. Reminds you of a time he stares at you just the same way through his lashes.

Okay stop!

“Did you talk with Liya bec-”

“I did and she, apparently doesn’t travel anywhere Lil. She is just sleeping. She thinks she sleeps like she is dead.”

“That can’t be though. If I’m here and she disappeared-”

“I know. But I already told you she can’t be waking up in a strange world since she never said a word about it. She said nothing because she isn’t going through what you are going through.” Jimin tells as he gets to his feet finally. Towering over you. You like that. “I don’t know what’s happening but she, Liya, doesn’t go anywhere. Or even if she does, she never woken up. She is asleep all these times you are here.” Explains further. Peers into your eyes. You do the same for a second before tearing your gaze away. This makes it worse. It makes this isn’t on Liya either. She isn’t going anywhere. She is asleep when this shift happens, and you are the only one who is awake. That means it happens while you are asleep. Not her. This is on you. Not her.

It feels hard to breathe again. “What do you think will happen if I fall asleep while she is still awake. Will us shift?” You ask, suddenly. Jimin pulls his brows together. Thinks for a bit. “I’m not sure. We haven’t tried that yet, have we? We can try that. I mean you can try falling asleep in middle of the day when she would be clearly awake?” Suggests. You nod.

“Yeah, that’s it. I’ll try that tomorrow.” Say like you finally found an answer when Jimin softly sighs.

“Whatever we find Lil, will not change anything. Even if this doesn’t happen while she is awake, it will happen again one day or another. Unless of course you two decide to compromise and change your sleeping schedules.” He says it as a joke, but you beam at him. A wide grin adorning your face. Jimin’s face softens at that. Shakes his head. Does that thing he always do when he is frustrated. Searching for answers from the above. Looks at you back and about to take his hands to his face when you sprint into action. Grabbing from his both wrists and surprising you both.

“Don’t do that. It turns you into a tomato.” You say since you already started it. A soft chuckle escapes Jimin’s mouth.

“Seriously?” Asks. You let his hands go. Say that you are serious, and he nods. Smiles. Almost like in pity. “That thing won’t work Lil. The sleep schedule thing. You know it’s the same thing, right? It’ll not make any difference… it’s not like one of you can sleep during the day or something. And I don’t think Liya will... anyway it’s stupid.” Jimin talks to you like you’re a child who lost her candy. Your smile falters at that. Of course, you know. It’s really stupid. Then you’re back at a lost.

This time it’s you who search for the answers in the white ceiling. It’s you who rub your face frustratingly before you turn your back to Jimin. Let your head fall down again and throw your hands on your hips. Feel like you want to cry all of a sudden. “Then what should we do Jimin? Keep going like this? Forever? I’m oh so fucking tired. I can’t keep doing this. I just want a normal life. And I don’t know how to-”

“Hey. Hey.” Jimin doesn’t turn you around to face him. Instead, he walks around you to face you. Gently tilt your face to his with your chin. And let go of you immediately afterwards. You pretend that doesn’t do any hurtful things to you. “We will find answers Lil. We will. I don’t know how, but we will.” Stares into your eyes. You do the same, let yourself get lost in his amber depths. Did he always have those eyes. Why do you feel warm. Cozy. Melting. Why do you feel like you travel into a forest at twilight. And then he smiles again, softly, making those amber depths disappear in his cheeks. You want to touch him. Cup his cheeks.

Nope. Not again!

You turn your head away from that bewitching gaze. Clear your throat. Take a step back. “So, what are we going to do until then Park? If it take like forever to find answers, if we turn old? No, I will not live to turn old. I’ll die from the exhaustion.” You whine. Bottom lip jutting out. Jimin chuckles. “We will find answers before you get grey hairs and will stop this. And until then…” Now he gapes at you intensely. No sign of a laugh on his face. You watch gears shift in his head. Takes his time and then gives a single nod. “Yes, until then you can at least have your normal life back.” Clarifies. Yet, nothing is clarified in your head. “What normal life? Like? What do you mean Park?” You pull your eyebrows together.

“Like you wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night, like normal people do. Unless you party hard at some nights. You are going to live a normal life even though there’s nothing normal in your life Spring Roll.” Jimin is stern. Looks like someone with a plan.

“Are you suggesting that I’m spending a whole day here and a whole day there. Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“How’s that gonna change anything? What about Liya? You want her to miss an entire day of her life? And what do you plan to tell her when she starts asking you about the previous day? What am I going to say to Key? She is already on my tail. I can’t miss my lectures Jimin. I can’t stay away from my job for a whole day.” You throw your hands in the air. Jimin surely isn’t someone with a plan. His plan is way stupider than yours.

“Okay slow down.” Jimin holds a finger in front of you to shut you up. “Well, first, we won’t do this for long. We will find a way to stop this before… I don’t know before uh… like the spring.” Says proudly when you gape at him in disbelief. Holds two fingers up. “Okay even before that. And second, for Liya, she didn’t remember a thing when you uh... that day at the club. You spent a day here and she was fine-”

“You don’t plan on telling her about me at all. Do you park? You just asked her if she is waking up in somewhere strange and when she said she doesn’t you let it at that?” You don’t appreciate that pathway.

“No. I didn’t, and I’ll not ask her anything Lil. Because that’s stupid. If she doesn’t know then she is good that way. No need to trouble her when she will not believe me anyway. And… trust me it’s better when she doesn’t remember a whole day and think everything is fine than waking up in a middle of the day and worrying about having a some fucking sleeping disorder.” Jimin let his hand fall down. Gaze on you. Expectant.

“Okay, so you are saying she is better sleeping a day away. Fine. Then what about me Jimin? What about my life. How-”

“You gonna get medical assistance.”

“I’m going to get what?”

“You are terribly ill that you need special consideration from your university. And your damn boss will understand that too.” He looks smug. Proud. Really do look like someone with a plan. You are not convinced, however.

“But that’s lying.” You say as trying to imagine how your life will be. You’ll have to lie to everyone. “You have a better idea Spring Roll?” He grabs from your shoulders suddenly. “Like you said Lil. You can’t stay awake through nights. You can’t keep giving stupid excuses. So, let’s give them something believable. And meanwhile let’s find a way.” Raises one of his eyebrows at you. Well, you have no other ideas let alone better ones. Maybe, just maybe this will work. But then it’s not like you can go and tell people you are sick and need special consideration. Expect them to rely on your verbal explanations.

“Well, I need proof to prove I’m sick Park.”

“Leave that to me. Just give me the details I want.” He grins. Let you go. You’re still not hundred percent convinced. Feel skeptical. Yet are willing to see what will happen. So, you nod. Sigh.

“Yeah. Let’s do this. It’s already fucked up anyway.”

He nods too. You both nod in unison. One problem is talked through. No answers but there is a plan, that might work. Or not. In that case, there’s only one thing is left to talk through. And for you, that is the scariest part. Makes your legs weak even before you start it. If the way Jimin gulps harsh is anything, you know he feels the same way. Still, you’ll have to talk this one too. Especially, since you’ll spend days here from now on.

“Um... well, then about what happened the other day… I... uh...” You are the one who start it first. Jimin encourages you to keep going with a slight nod and his furrowed brows. “I... I mean... it’s like I’m sexually dep-”

“Sexually deprived.” Jimin finishes for you. You suck in a deep breath. Fall into a deafening silence. Have no idea whether he completed your sentence or said it to you.

“I was sexually deprived Lil. I don’t remember when I last fucked.” He then lets you know that he indeed did the latter. You are about to ask how, when he gives the answer for that one as well. “Yes, I have a girlfriend but we both are so fucking busy. It just happened Lil but-”

“But it won’t happen again.” You complete it for him this time.

“Exactly. And it’s not happened because you look like her because, uh… I don’t know, you’re not. And it has everything to do with me being horny as fuck.” He is not looking at you. Just staring at the bed. As if this is the first time, he sees it. “And it’s so fucking wrong. I’ll resolve my problems, and I don’t want to think that I used you or something.” Gets done with bed and looks at you instead. “Ugh... this is so frustrating.” Finally rubs his face. You don’t stop him this time. “I fucking crossed a line Lil. I’m really sorry and it will not happen again.” Finishes. Now it’s your time.

You feel at a loss, however. Feel disappointed. Ridiculous considering you expected this. This is how it should be. Still, there’s a pang in your heart. A tangled ache. A piercing confusion. You force yourself to smile. Pretend that you’re fine. “Yeah, I get it. And it wasn’t completely on you Jimin. I said yes and like you, I’m sexually deprived too. And unlike you I don’t have a fucking boyfriend either.” You finally manage to say while blowing out a breath. This is fine. “So… that happened because, both of us were horny. Like extremely horny. That’s it and I’ll resolve my problems as well.” You agree. Not with the bottom of your heart. Something feel wrong. Extremely. Yet you continue anyway.

“I’m sorry too Park.” Chuckle very awkwardly. Wave your hand in front of you. You’re not looking at him either. “But like are we good though?” Take a sneaky glance at him. Catch the way he bob his head violently. “Of course, we are.” Affirms and gives you an awkward chuckle of his own.

“Great!” You keep forcing yourself to smile.

“Great...” He echoes.

“Um... then are we like friends?” You ask without thinking. What a stupid question. He thinks so too, apparently. Gapes at you. “Friends?” Inquires tentatively. You just keep peering at his adorable face. Leaves him to do nothing but answer your question.

“Yes. Yeah, fuck. Friends. We can be friends like… uh... yeah friends Lil. We are friends.” Concludes at last. Takes you by surprise when he is stretching his hand for you to shake.

Oh! It apparently aches.

It was your idea anyway. You take his hand. Shake.

“Friends it is. And we will not do anything that crosses the line again.” You seal the deal.

“We won’t.” Jimin squeezes your hand. Keeps it in his hold more than necessary and finally let go. And you’re certain this is the most disappointed you’ve ever been.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“Liya wmph be there a’ New Year’s Ee?” Taehyung asks through his mouthful of kimbap. Jimin peers at him over the printed report he’s been looking at while eating his lunch. “Liya what?” Jimin frowns at his friend.

“Yah! Don’t talk with your mouth full, moron.” Jin clicks his tongue at Taehyung. Taehyung sighs but swallows down his food before repeating what he said earlier.

“Liya won’t be there at New Year’s Eve? Seoyeon told me.” Even gives further explanation, though nobody asks.

“Oh, she won’t?” Hoseok perks up too, expectantly looking at Jimin. Jimin hates this. Just shrugs.

“Yeah, some dinner plans or something.” Says as nonchalantly as he can.

“With who? You’ll be there though, right?” Hoseok asks again at the moment Jimin is about go back to minding his own business. “Of course, I will. Why wouldn’t I Hobi?” Jimin gives him a tight-lipped smile, praying he would stop asking questions. He doesn’t, but Taehyung does.

“Liya was really weird that day. Is she okay? Like was her tummy actually hurting that day? Is that why she acted like that?” Taehyung blinks at Jimin. Jimin blinks at Taehyung. Jin butts in to save him. “Why would someone act so cheery when their stomach hurts? That’s fucking stupid Tae.” He says while searching for a paper serviette. Jimin almost nods in assent when Jin speaks again. “But she was weird. I mean not that I know her very well...” He doesn’t get to complete whatever he is saying when Hoseok snorts.

“Sorry.” He mumbles fast. Then point his chopsticks at Jimin. “But Hyung is right. Fuck dude. You and she have been together for five fucking years, and we knew each other all that time but she is a fucking mystery, you know. I mean no offense...” Looks carefully at Jimin.

“None taken.” Jimin finally gives up trying to review this stupid report and places it back on the table. Hoseok carries on happily. “Yeah, but I mean I was so surprised she joined us in a club? And then acted like she likes us so much?” He raises his eyebrows and tilts his face. Jin after all didn’t butt in to save him.

“Right? Exactly my point.” Taehyung agrees very enthusiastically for Jimin’s displeasure. “She even danced with that guy. What was his name Hobba? Your friend’s friend? With tats and eyebrow piercing?” He looks at Hoseok while pointing at his own eyebrow. Jimin feels the same unpleasant twist in his guts at the memory.

“Who Jungkook?” Hoseok asks back when Taehyung snaps his fingers, grinning. “Yeah. Jung Kook. She danced with him dude.” They all are looking at Jimin now. He doesn’t know what to say. Jin again butts in and definitely isn’t saving him.

“And then these two almost fucked in the dance floor. Liya? And Park fucking Jimin? I have never seen her somewhat like kiss you in the public Jimin. Was she possessed that day?” Jin finally has found the serviette he was looking for. Jimin sighs. Hardly. There’s a headache forming. “She was just fine, guys. Was in a good mood. That’s it.” Says wearily. He really wants his friends to drop this conversation.

“Yeah? So, she is back to her sour mood again. Back to dislike us again. To think that we are all bad influence on the-best-future- CEO- Jimin.” Hoseok says with an edge to his voice. Makes Jimin really uncomfortable. It’s true in a kind of way but not completely. Liya doesn’t think that way, just doesn’t like hanging out with them and that’s her choice. Still, Jimin feels the urge to defend. Defend who, he has no idea. Maybe himself. “She doesn’t think that way and she... I mean has no problem with you.” Says and stuffs his mouth with food.

“I think that’s the same thing. I mean we don’t care, it’s your personal life, but she really doesn't like us, Jiminie. That’s why she won’t come to the party as well.” Hoseok scoffs. That discomfort Jimin felt is turning into anger now. “Really Hobi? You said you don’t care but you certainly act like you do.” He puts the chopsticks down. Hoseok does the same. “I don’t. I’m just saying Jimin. No need to get so riled up. If you’re happy then we are happy. The question is, Are you happy?” Smiles at Jimin but it feels like a smile of pity.

“Yeah, yeah, happy boss happy life.” Taehyung quickly disrupts. Picks a kimbap and brings that to Hoseok’s mouth. He gives Taehyung a very judgmental look but eats it anyway. Makes Jimin sigh. He loves his friends. “I’m not your boss you fuckers! We are co- fucking owners. And I really don’t want you to think that way. I am happy, guys. I mean c’mon it’s just a party and who cares if she can’t make it.” Tries to laugh but fails.

“You should care.” Jin says noncommittally. Doesn’t even look at anyone. But everyone looks at him. “That’s your girlfriend of five years. We are your friends, and we don’t want to suddenly sit back to talk about walking in different paths with whatever we made till now, just because she hates us. Maybe you should care, Jiminie.” Finally looks at Jimin. Jimin feels a weird sensation his stomach. This is not the first time his friends brought something up like this. Not that they always do but sometimes they just let Jimin knows that he isn’t happy. Fuck them!

“Okay fuck. She will come. Since you all think it’s a huge deal that she can’t come, and it defines our relationship. Let me prove it.” Jimin blurts that out. Looks at everyone. Ignores the way all three of them saying he doesn’t have to prove anything to them.

“She will come guys. Hobi, count her in.”

Fuck, why did he say that. How old is he to play silly games. How on earth is he going to make Liya agrees to come.

…………………………………………………………………………………

Jimin stares out of his floor-to-ceiling office window. Sulking. Regretting his life decisions.

“Fuck!” Mutters to himself and sighs. Why did he say Liya would come? Why did he make a big deal out of it. Maybe he can just let it go. His friends won’t make it a huge deal if he joins them alone. They wouldn’t now, would they? Jimin groans loudly. Looks up. About to rub his face furiously when the tomato pops up in his head. Can’t help but chuckle. You are always so weirdly interesting.

He needs to block you out of his mind. Think about the problems he has instead of thinking about you. It’s very unintentional, however. You’ll pop up on his mind at most random times. Like now. Jimin puts his hands back. Refrains from making himself looking like a tomato. Wonders if you try sleeping in the day. See, can’t help it. Groans again. Starts pacing around only to stop dead in the track. You feel nauseous when he does that.

Wait what? What the actual fuck? You again?

This might look really ridiculous how he just stands in middle of his office. Mouth agape. What’s wrong with him? He needs to find a way to get Liya abandon her dinner and join him. Or if it doesn’t work, he will have to find another plan. He just needs to bring his girlfriend to that stupid party. So, his friends will not think his relationship is crumbling. He shouldn’t care. It’s stupid to try to worry about a fake healthy appearance of a relationship. But apparently, he does. And he needs to find a way. Needs to stop thinking about what you like and not.

He looks at the place that gives him answers all the time- the fucking ceiling. He always finds answers there.

A way to bring his girlfriend to the stupid party. Or find another way. Another way.

Wait. Another way? He has another way.

A huge grin breaks out on his face. Of course. Liya will never change her plans for him. He won’t either. But since he still needs to pretend, all he has to do is bring his girlfriend. Or someone who looks like his girlfriend. There he goes. He lets out a victorious noise. He’s going to ask you. You will agree. Because of course you will.

Besides, you two are friends now. Jimin thinks that’s extremely stupid. Your idea anyway. So, he will make the best of being friends with you. Even though something doesn’t sit right with him when he thinks you are friends now. There’s a disappointment in his heart. An ache. Still, this is the right thing and right way. He gives himself a few nods. He will ask you to help your friend. That’s what friends do. This strange ache and longing will go away. And when it does, he will have a good friend.

A friend from a star.

A friend who looks exactly like his girlfriend.

A friend who sounds so sweet when she comes.

A friend who has most beautiful fucking tits.

Still, friends. You said you are now friends. Fucking friends.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

…………………………………………………………………………………

Chapter index

Taglist- @chimmy-licious @smoljimjim @graydolan12

[lurkingshan]

Love for Love's Sake Episodes 7 & 8

Well holy shit, that went in some directions I never imagined, and it was very dark indeed. I can't believe this intriguing little show is already over. So let's unpack what happened here.

My interpretation of everything we learned in these final episodes is that Myungha already died by suicide in the real world after a series of hardships, including the death of his grandmother, a long-term struggle with depression, and rejection from his ex and his mother, and the author gave him a chance to live again in the game world. The ending suggests he will now stay in the game world with Yeowoon and get another chance at life where his core objective is to make himself happy, and any expectation we had that he would have to return to the real world is out the window, because his life there has already ended.

But what exactly is this game world? I don't think we'll ever fully know for sure. Certainly, the show did not explain the how of it, or tie together all the vignettes we saw of Myungha and the author discussing their philosophy on life in a clear throughline to how we got to the game. The game world was purportedly based on the author's fictional novel, but all along it has taken on the features of Myungha's real life, including all the significant people we saw in his first life flashbacks. His grandma is here, his mother is here, his ex is even here in the guise of Yeowoon's agent. Myungha's memories and consciousness seem to inform the way this world was built, even as he did not create it. The author is given the role of Creator, somehow designing this world for Myungha to try to find happiness via seeking to make someone with very similar experiences to his happy.

Now, on this point, I don't think everything that happened in the original iteration of the game totally holds up. The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness, and the point where Yeowoon seems to discover the game and somehow intervene to pull Myungha back in was lacking some clarity. And I wish the show had grounded us in Myungha's experiences earlier on rather than holding everything back for the sake of mystery--I do think that choice got in the way of a more coherent emotional arc for our protagonist.

But despite those quibbles, I still was able to connect with Myungha's struggles. This is a boy who has been so mired in his own misery that he doesn't know how to let anyone else in. He is too afraid to trust and let someone care for him in the way he cares for others. I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle him when his own emotional paralysis caused him to destroy the game--Yeowoon was telling him exactly what he needed, but he couldn't find the strength within himself to give it to him. And this is why knowing Yeowoon is exactly what he needed to see a different path for himself, because Yeowoon has experienced many of the same hurts but still finds within himself the ability to trust and rely on Myungha. Yeowoon is the stronger of the two of them, and Myungha needed to learn from him to overcome his own cowardice. Their happy reunion in the game world felt earned, and I believe in Myungha's ability to try again at both life and this relationship without holding back this time.

This show definitely wasn't perfect, but it really did some interesting things and left us with a lot to think about. I am looking forward to reading everyone else's interpretations of these final episodes, and Myungha and Yeowoon will be staying with me for a long time.

[worldruins]

Meet the Remnant, my "slugcat" oc. Because I have no sense of moderation, it has an entire campaign loosely mocked up in my head- I don't have the modding ability or time to make anything of it but I enjoy thinking about it! The two iterators on the sheet are the central npcs of the campaign.

Remnant is larger, more aquatic, and faster on all fours than a slugcat. It struggles to use the same tools, carries items in its mouth, and can eat batnip and bubble weed. And, though it doesn’t know it, it is one of the last four of its kind left.

More about the campaign below VVV

BONUS: Remnant obviously resembles a slugcat, and they are sort of a slugcat ancestor! The genomes of the pipe slugs slugcats evolved from had remnant DNA as well as the simple tool-worm base that ancients used for many creatures. The blueprints were present in the modified organisms, and over several generations and mutations began to express themselves once more. Anyway…

To start, the Remnant is living with their family in an idyllic natural landscape much like survivor and monk at the beginning of their campaigns. The incident kickstarting their journey would be them wandering off from their kin and- gameplay starts here- getting lured off by something interesting, before the wall closes quickly behind them and the player realizes they have been trapped. They find themselves in a crate lined with wet plant matter, which gets shaken and turned around for a bit before settling down. It continues with a gentler rattling and remnant is clearly being taken somewhere, but the game acts like you're in a den and, once you've eaten the food set out for you in there, you sleep.

You are woken when the train carrying you crashes. You are able to escape and wind up in a light drizzle. Numerous overseers, some purple and others seafoam green, follow you around. The artificial, dilapidated surroundings are alien to the remnant.

During the first cycle an overseer will direct you to the nearest den, but you don’t have a rain timer until the first time you hibernate. You’ve never experienced rain like this before, after all.

The fact is that the remnant and their family are primal fauna, from the old world before bioengineering and iterators. They have spent their whole lives in a carefully controlled environment, maintained at first by ancients and then the systems the ancients left behind. The mass ascension happened, and nobody really knew what to do with these creatures- depending on the species, animals in captivity were generally released to fend for themselves or set for years of being maintained by machines scheduled in advanced, automated to care for them.

Remnant is taken when the iterator Ink Stained Palms orders a specimen of one relatively hardy species to study and potentially have the rest delivered to their regions. Something goes wrong- their delivery is sabotaged by their semi-active former senior, Calls To Stony Skies. And out Remnant goes into an alien land, with each of the two rival iterators trying to lure or force it to go to them.

This generally takes the form of projections like Iggy uses to get the slugcats to Moon, though it’s two different kinds of overseer guiding you in opposite directions at the same time. There may also be introduced environmental hazards- some of the chases in Little Nightmares come to mind- to corral you toward wherever the iterator causing it wants you to go.

ISP was the one who was getting the remnant delivered to her facility. They’re a bioengineer interested in long-term ecosystem restoration. It’s come to believe there’s a natural ‘balance’ to the world that could, in time, let living things leave the cycle of their own accord if it was realigned properly.

CTSS is in a condition not unlike spearmaster moon, though his decline has been steadier and over a longer period of time. They’ve been replaced by another iterator as group senior, and derailed your journey in the hopes of using a rare animal as collateral to get ISP’s help. Watching the remnant’s struggle to survive, however, he ends up very attached to it and can’t bring himself to kill it as he originally planned to.

Though they might want to, CTSS can’t save the remnant from a more insidious fate. The air, the soil, the water itself is toxic to you, whose kind has lived countless generations shielded from the heavy metal byproducts of industry and the artificial metabolisms of those great boxes in the sky. Ascension is an option, but so is going to ISP, whose body itself possesses a complex with artificial environments much like the one you began in. It can’t protect the remnant fully, but it can offer them a longer life. There are multiple endings to the campaign, based on the order you visit the iterators in.

If you read all this thank you so much and feel free to send questions!! About my little guys.

[yzafre]

who wore it better – 2003 v 2012 episode comparisons

I said I wanted to do this in my 2003 thoughts post, and I’m gonna. I've been picking away at this for a couple weeks now.

I’m focusing on places where they actually recycled a storyline rather than adapted general concepts.  Fugitoid and the space arc is an example of the second method – Robot Scientist with a connection to a Dangerous Machine is a shared concept, but the stories are different.

“Ohhh how did we end up here we’ve GOT to figure out how to get home, our Dad might still be in danger” versus “we HAVE to collect the McGuffins before the enemy or earth is going to EXPLODE. AGAIN.” You know?

Comparing those types of adaptations could be done, but it’s not what I’m interested in here.  I specifically want to look at the places that made me think “oh, 2012 just copied this” while I was watching 2003.

Now, obviously this is extremely subjective.  So take this as me defending my nominations for winner in these categories, rather than some sort of objective truth.  I am presenting my dinky power-point on why you should vote for my favorites.  Ect.  Your preferences may be different!

My ramblings on the episodes got long (should I have split this into parts? maybe! didn't though), so uhhhh...

tl;dr: Scoring got weird at 3.5 to 2003, 3 to 2012, and two draws.

Key takeaways: 2003 better matches my personal tastes, and what makes 2012 good is the stuff specific to its iteration, rather than copying 2003

With all that taken care of, here’s my opinions, in very messy order.

Meet Casey Jones vs The Good, The Bad and the Casey Jones

So, this was the very first episode that made me sit back and go: wait.  This is just.  The same thing? 

Raph loses a fight, loses his temper violently over it.  He then goes out to get some air and runs into Casey, getting into a fight.  Raph goes back and apologizes to his brother, and then they have to deal with the Casey situation.  Eventually they’re friends.

That being said, they do handle things a bit differently inside of those plot points, in a way that makes me very split on which one is better.

So, this episode is doing two things: introducing Casey (at least to the turtles, in 2012’s case), and spotlighting Raph’s anger issues, and the shows handle both of them differently.  So let's look at them:

Raph and his anger

I want to start with the positioning of the episode within the wider series.

This is the 4th episode of 2003.  At this point, they’re still setting up the characters and your understanding of them – so this is really here to say hey, our Raph has a temper, that’s going to be a thing going forward. (I'm watching '87 right now, and while I've heard Raph gets more of his anger late in the series, at the beginning he is... not that. So signaling this for people who might have watched the previous show is valid.)

After this, I don’t remember there being other episodes that are Explicitly About Raph’s anger issues?  That’s not to say there aren’t any – there very well could’ve been some that were just so boring I don’t remember them, which would be a whole other issue – but what I remember of him being, to quote the show, a “hot-head” is integrated into other stories.

For 2012, this is nearly halfway through season 2, and is one of 3 episodes I can think of off the top of my head that at least start out framed as a lesson on Raph’s anger issues.  (The one with the guy that turns into a spider mutant, this one, and…. Okay so I don’t remember the details but I’m Pretty Sure I remember there being another one post-space arc).

Now, in theory this is good – having a sort of long-term journey recurring throughout the series.  In practice… eh. 

This is very subjective, but from the way the topic was constantly put on the shelf until they wanted to use it for an episode, to the way it was all extremely surface level and used mostly for jokes, it didn’t do much for me.

That aside, let’s look at the content of the episode itself:

Raph's anger issues have two different tones here.

2003 Raph’s snapping at Mikey is framed a lot more seriously – and a lot more dangerously – than 2012 Raph going at Leo.  And, accordingly, ‘03 Raph is a lot more horrified at his actions, whereas ‘12 Raph is more petulant, unwilling to fully own up to his mistake.

That carries over to when they’re “getting some air” - ‘03 Raph is blatantly angry with himself, where ‘12 is complaining about his brother’s not getting it.  I do think some of that frustration with himself is buried underneath, but it's interesting to note the difference between how aware of it they are. (Of course, ‘12 also didn’t try to brain his brother over the head with a metal pipe.  So.)

The two different versions also shifted what they chose to have “spelled out” versus implied.  What I mean is.... okay, so ‘03 had Raph explicitly say “What is wrong with me” – that frustration with himself I mentioned earlier – where it’s kind of buried underneath for ‘12.

On the other hand, ‘12 Raph flat out says he wasn’t angry, just “determined to win,” when explaining himself to Splinter, whereas with ‘03 the reasoning comes from Raph’s “You think you’re better than me?” line during the fight (and a bit of Mikey’s taunting, the menace), allowing you to (very easily, let's be real, I don't know that you can really count this as subtext) connect the dots on how it escalated.

So, that leads to their fight with Casey – where they both get carried away, before coming to their senses and questioning what they’re doing (and subsequently getting surprise-attacked).  The difference here is that ‘03, upon calming down, went back to trying to talk some sense into Casey (using the lessons he’s obviously trying to absorb himself), while to me ‘12 Raph just kinda seemed disoriented by it all?

Which. Fair.

Next step: the apology.  VERY different receptions.  The ‘03 brothers greet Raph with worry and care, and take his apology quietly and warmly, whereas for ‘12 they act like this is another Tuesday, a bit dismissive, and tease and taunt him through his apology.  I’m not trying to disparage the ‘12 turtles here – not exactly – more so observing the difference in tone once more.

When people say the ‘03 turtles feel older, I think this is a huge part of it – the ‘12 turtles’ behavior feels very “stupid teenager”.  And I mean that in a genuine, fairly affectionate way.  I remember being that age, I was dumb.  You don’t know how to handle all these strong feelings, you have no impulse control. Also around 2012 I remember being genuine being deeply uncool, so. But ‘03 are demonstrating a higher level of emotional maturity, compared to that, and it does make them feel older.

Anyways, after that you get the reunion with Casey, having very different tones.  ‘03 purposefully tries to reach out and rehabilitate help Casey get himself under control, whereas ‘12 diverges into a surprise attack by the Foot where Raph and Casey bicker their way into teamwork.

Overall, ‘03 takes a more... introspective? Approach to Raph’s anger, where ‘12 flickers between being slightly emotional and using the situation for humor or cool action scenes – it feels like setup for an arc that I never felt we got satisfying payoff for.

For my tastes, I think I prefer ‘03 for the Raph part of the episode, if only because it remains thematically cohesive till the end.  From start to finish, Raph is trying to impart the lesson he wants to learn to Casey.  With 12, it feels like the “Raph’s anger issues” thread got a bit lost/abandoned in building up the Raph-Casey dynamic.

Speaking of...

Casey Jones

I think ‘12 is the better Casey intro episode.  There, I said it.

I know, I know!  It’s not technically where we meet Casey, we already saw him interacting with April (also scenes I like), but... although having finished 2003 I think ‘03 has the better overall Casey (mostly because they give him like. Actual personal connections to the world), ‘12 has the better initial burst of character, in my opinion.

His little intro monologue is so stupid, and I love it.  The skates and the little taser-gloves he obviously put together himself (and the fact that we only got one episode of Donnie and Casey bonding over this kind of engineering is criminal???).

The initiative to follow Raph down, his reactions to Splinter, the entire subway tunnel chase scene, where his and Raph’s rapport is building up... it’s good stuff!  I like it!  Maybe there’s a bit less depth in some places – we don’t get the personal connection with the Purple Dragons, how it ties back to his family – but his character voice, his initiative and impulsivity, and his creativity all come through.

It’s such a shame they didn’t do more to add to his character throughout the series in ‘12, because he had a fantastic early showing.  But then, that series didn’t seem interested in doing that for any of their characters, to me.  Sigh.

But... just looking at the episode itself, I'd give the Casey have to 2012.

So... draw?  Great way to start off, I know.

Shredder Strikes Back vs The Invasion (or: Leo gets thrown through a window)

So, this is a tough competition, we’re gonna have to take this point by point, I mean -

2012.  It’s 2012.  Are you kidding me.

Okay, look.  2012 already has an advantage just on moving this from halfway through season 1 to the season 2 finale, but, I mean... come on.

With 2003, there was barely any build up with the Shredder.  We’d seen him sort of being in charge of the various villains since early on – but the turtles didn’t see that!  For them, he showed up, tricked Leo, Splinter gave some back story, they fought and then Splinter seemingly killed him.  It just... wasn’t that dramatic? To me??

So when you have Leo thrown through the window, whispering “he’s back”, I was just like... I see no reason for this level of dread.  It doesn’t feel that personal, or important, or.... anything, really.  I know 2003 came first, but having watched 2012 beforehand this was kind of a letdown.  Didn’t feel earned.

Now, 2012 on the other hand....

Shredder has been a constant, ever-increasing threat since the moment he showed up in Season 1.  It was already personal with Splinter, yes, but then he also became a subject of looming dread for the turtles themselves.  And it doesn’t come out of nowhere. 

Like, yes, we, the viewers, were aware 2003 Shredder survived, but otherwise he was just hanging out off-screen, doing who knows what.  He wasn’t on the mind.  2012, on the other hand, showed the way Shredder was slowly amassing power, planning for something.

And then you add the Kraang on top of it.

Like, seriously, making this a two-prong threat is. Mwah!  The boys are falling apart, stressed by the time-limit of the upcoming Kraang invasion, disagreeing on how to handle it.  And then the argument gets cut short by their home being discovered – they don’t even get a chance to choose their path together, because they have to run, and everything’s chaos, and they’re still focused on the Kraang.

And that’s when the Shredder comes in.

This is insult on top of injury with everything going wrong that possibly could.  This is an immaculate payoff to the set-up they’ve been doing all season. This is fantastic.

And when Leo is thrown through the window, you feel it – the dread, the horror, the regret.  It really feels like the breaking point of “we can’t take any more” that leads to them retreating.  It has a weight to it that 2003’s version was sorely missing.

When it comes to Leo getting thrown through a window, 2012 takes the win, hands down.  The stakes, the drama, and my investment are all so much higher than they were in ‘03, no contest, it’s my favorite part of ‘12.

What comes after, on the other hand....

Tales of Leo + The Monster Hunter vs Season 3a (or, the Farmhouse Arc)

Maybe it’s unfair to compare 2 episodes to 8 episodes.  And maybe this is diverging from my “only episodes that are directly connected” rule I stated in the beginning, but I need to get this off my chest.  Because I just.  I’m not impressed by 2012’s farmhouse arc. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Warning: rant ahead, this is VERY subjective and heavily based in my personal tastes.  Reminder that I do genuinely enjoy 2012, I just think the farmhouse arc is the lowest point in the whole series and is representative of what I find to be the weakest aspect of the series’ writing across the board.  That being said.

I see what 2012 was trying to do, by drawing out Leo’s recovery over all those episodes, giving the characters some space to breathe.  But they didn’t do it well in my opinion, and honestly the whole thing.  Flounders. 

2012’s best feature is its plot writing, how one episode tumbles into the next, Rube Goldberg machine-style, across an entire season.  But at the farmhouse, they’re removed from the greater plot, and that’s not doing the writing any favors.

And it’s not that the episode ideas are bad – I generally think they’re pretty interesting!  It’s just that without the inter-connected plot, they need something else to push them from “okay” to “exceptional”.  Usually, this would be where deeper characterization and relationship building would kick in instead, but uh.  I don’t personally think 2012 is great at that.

They under-cut the message of the episode with Big Foot, the Casey and Donnie friendship doesn’t really go anywhere after this, every other episode where inter-personal issues are only dealt with on a very surface level become even more obvious and a bit annoying without the greater plot to distract from it. Yes I know this is a kids show, but A:tlA had already finished airing at this point, also on Nickelodeon.

I think there’s a consistent issue with character writing in 2012 where they do what looks like set-up with no intent to ever give a meaningful pay-off or significantly change the status-quo, and that’s very much on display here.

And it’s not that there was nothing good in the season – I liked what they were doing with Raph, and how he was trying to help/encourage Leo, while somewhat bungling it in very realistic ways.  It was a fascinating look at what this Raph acting at his best as the Lancer trope could be, and I genuinely wish they leaned into it more later down the line.

Also, I’m always thrilled to see the Leo-April friendship get some focus, so Eyes of the Chimera was a favorite.  But across the board... the season didn’t wow me, and the longer it went on, the more I could see the cracks.

It all tops off with Vision Quest, which was my biggest disappointment in the entire series, the point at which I had to really stop and reset my expectations on what kind of story the writers were interested in telling.  The summary describes them having to go on a spiritual journey to really face themselves and their weaknesses, and I was so excited!  But then it was just.  Really surface level.  And occasionally confusing.

Raph needs to work on his temper, sure – but how is this any different than any of the other episodes about it?  Do we look at all at where his anger comes from?  A deeper way to handle it?  No, of course not.

Mikey needs to focus, stop getting distracted – I mean, yeah sure I guess.  Not a particularly interesting way of handling it, though.  Also, even if he manages it here, I know it's not going to pan out to the rest of the show, they’re not giving up their easy source of humor for the younger demographic.

And Donnie needs to... stand his ground? What?  I was so caught off guard.  It’s not that it’s completely out of touch, we see him coming up with complex paths to his goals, trying to think his way around of problems, ect, but... it was never really highlighted or presented as a real problem other than maybe the episode on instinct over thinking too hard?  It just felt really disconnected from anything else they were doing with him.  A genuinely interesting pay-off scene, with no solid set-up.

And Leo.  Oh jeez.  My friends.  WHAT is up with how they handled Leo’s knee injury?  The pain is just in my mind? It's not real??  Really???  No, thank you.

Like... I think this was supposed to be a riff on what Splinter says about ‘03 Leo’s coma, and him being trapped in his head due to fear – but because in ‘12 they tied it to an actual, specific physical injury, the execution falls apart. 

(Especially when they use the same flash-effect they used on Leo having issues with his knee of Splinter having issues later in the series but I probably shouldn't take that into account here.)

I mean, his quest is the closest to being satisfying, because they had lain interesting groundwork with his struggle with recovery and his insecurities in previous episodes, but then they just completely bungle it at the end! Argh!

I was so excited for Vision Quest, but this didn't tell me anything new about the characters or progress the characters in any meaningful way! It had no effect on how the characters are written going forward. So – other than some admittedly very cool fight choreography – what was the point?  Was there one??  It felt like putting on the trappings of an emotionally deep story without any of the actual, you know.  Depth.

I am clawing at the walls. Look at all the potential you wasted.

And yes, I’m aware this is all very subjective, and again part of a show for kids, but that’s how it hit me.

The 2003 farmhouse arc, on the other hand, was very short, and I think it benefited from that.  It had two episodes, and it knew what it was doing with both of them.  They felt purposeful, in the larger arc of the story.

First episode: they make their way to the farmhouse, Leo’s in a coma (according to Splinter, one driven by his fear), and his family tells stories of when he was brave/strong as a little kid to try and bring him out.

Wonderful, amazing, I love this episode.  So much character work – both in the past and present!  By going back to when they were kids, it helps us contextualize the turtles’ relationships by making them simpler.

In showing early memories that probably started cementing their views of each other, we see the core around which they developed.  By seeing which memory each brother chooses to present, we get some insight into how they each see Leo.  It gives us a point A to our current point B, which allows us to extrapolate the line between the two, how they developed.

And then you also get the little moments of how the brothers are handling this catastrophic event, how they react to the stress, to seeing their brother so hurt – Raph especially!  It’s pure character work and I love it.

After that, we get one episode of shenanigans, which is both representative of that “space to breathe” after Leo woke up, and also gives space for the B-plot (which is the truly arc-important plot) of Leo, now awake, dealing with his own handling of this stressful situation.

Is the A-plot of this episode quite as good as some of the ideas for the 2012 episodes?  Honestly, no, but just the fact that it’s carrying the Leo recovery story pushes it ahead.  We see Leo struggling with his failure, Raph stepping up to herd him back on the right track – the idea of physically remaking his swords to remake himself!  And, though we don’t know it yet, how hard Leo takes this is great foreshadowing to how he reacts going into his season 4 breakdown.

And then, having done the character work they wanted to accomplish, the writers go back to the main story.  The characterization here matters (and also is good) in a way that whatever is going on in the 2012 farmhouse arc just.  Isn’t. 

In my opinion.

Okay, rant over, winner is obvious, moving on.

Triceratons

Again, we’re not comparing most of the space arcs, as that’s apples to oranges, but there are two episodes that caught my attention:

Rogue in the House vs Dinosaur Seen in Sewers!

Here we've got two episodes where the turtles find a Very Confused Triceraton and trick him into helping them.

I like the 2003 one better.

Honestly, it comes down to the context of the episode.  Rogue in the House comes after the turtles have been in space and when they know more about who the Triceratons are.  2012 on the other hand is a sudden introduction to a new arc.

2003 also... questions the ethics of their decision more, by the end.  It’s a bit more empathetic?  And I appreciate that.

I will give 2012 credit that translating “we’ve been dropped into the middle of a war where both sides are bad” over to be attached to the Kraang, which they’ve built up already as a powerful alien threat, was clever.  It doesn’t have the same edge of commentary that “and one of these sides looks just like us humans” has, but it is clever use of their existing world-building, and I like it.

The Arena vs The Arena of Carnage

The most obvious connection in the 2012 space arc – the turtles get thrown into a gladiator arena.

Now, 2003 does have an unfair advantage in this comparison, as The Arena is heavily bolstered by the set-up work done in The Big House, giving you a sense of place, stakes, connection to the other characters...

That last bit is where my bias and personal taste shows: I really love the turtles making any kind of meaningful connection with other characters, and I find this more convincing in the 2003 version than the 2012 one.

But 2012 also weakens itself in its own right by doing some setup here with no long-term pay off.  You’ve got your fellow prisoner, who turns out to be a Triceraton who objected to the leadership's decisions... and after this episode, that means nothing!  Cool, okay.

Like I get that was a part of the episode they’re pulling from, but if they’re not planning on reusing that long-term story, then they really could have cut that aspect all together.  I know they have enough creativity in them to adapt the concept of “stuck in a gladiator arena” to do something more interesting, they’ve proved they have it in them.  They just... didn’t, and the plot point didn’t translate well.  Ah, well.

2003 also wins this one.

City at War vs... City at War?(???)

Look, I am only comparing these because they use the exact same name.  Otherwise, it’s nowhere near a fair comparison.  For 2012, this is actually part of a couple episodes where they talk about there being a power vacuum after the Shredder is out of the picture, but...

Can we be so real?  They don’t even get close to the scale of 2003.  Like with the farmhouse, it’s not that they don’t have any good ideas – I like the Don Visioso episode quite a bit – but it never gets to the depth or scale I want it to. 

Like, 2003 made it visually obvious that the city is falling apart, that things are really out of control, in a way you can feel. Though, honestly, I’m not even sure 2012 could reach the levels of 2003, because they never put as much effort into making their NYC feel... real?  I guess?

Also, the 2003 City at War arc is just.  It’s really good, guys.  It did such great work on Leo and Raph’s characterization, the danger in the city is palpable, the tension is thick, and then you add Karai on top of it all?

You’d think 2012 could push this, given the added dimensions to Karai and her connection to Shredder, but it ends up falling short.  Point again goes to 2003.

What a Croc! Vs It Came From the Depths (Leatherhead)

So. I am painfully biased, because It Came From the Depths is my favorite 2012 Mikey episode, and I thought What a Croc! was... just okay.

I frequently bemoan that 2012 didn’t lean more into long-form character arcs for their story, and this is one of the central episodes that defined my desire for Mikey’s arc.

The instant compassion and understanding he has for Leatherhead – the way he recognizes and is willing to work with his trauma responses, but also is childishly impatient with the process when it gets messy later on, showing he still has some maturing to do – it's great, and I love it.  I didn’t find the same kind of depth in the 2003 episode.

On the other hand, long-term I like Leatherhead better in 2003, just because he’s more present as ally, friend, or even family.  2012 Mikey’s always excited to see Leatherhead, but you don’t exactly see them hanging out.

But this is about the episode, and for that, I’ll give it to 2012.

Renet (Time Travails + Return of the Savanti Vs Turtles in Time + Tale of the Yokai)

I’ll be real with you, 2003 gains points with me just because this is another example of 2012 poorly shoving in romance. I would like to make it clear – I don’t have an objective issue with the turtles being in romantic relationships.  It’s just... don’t put it in there if the writing's going to be so... bad. And boring. And unnecessary.

Additionally, this particular example put me off a bit more because... hm. Okay, the episode starts with Mikey going “I'm never gonna get caught up in all that!" Only for the show to do the writing equivalent of saying "of course you will, as soon as the right person comes along. And here she is!"

And uhm.  Okay, so, I’m asexual with a big ? when it comes to romance.  So that framing is..... nghghghgh I don't like it. Like I get the joke, but it still gave me the ick.

Also it was another infatuation-at-first-sight situation like Donnie which. Is a romantic trope that is So Stupid, you CANNOT tell me that's how it actually works, I don't believe you, and also it makes for stupid, boring writing. So there.

Ahem.

Once you get past that, there’s points to be made for both episodes.  The way the 2003 turtles find Renet just kind of tiring but can’t help going along with her anyways is very funny to me, but 2012 lets them do Tales of the Yokai, and I enjoy the concept of them getting to see what Actually Happened Back Then, rather than just hearing subjective stories of it.  Adds some texture.

I dunno on this one – if it’s Time Travails vs Turtles in Time, 2003 wins, but once you move on to Tale of the Yokai I give it to 2012.  Call it a draw?

Loosely inspired by

Okay. So. These are things where I can’t say “Oh, they were just doing this story again”, but where I think there might have been some heavy inspiration.  Your mileage may very on these, and you could think I’m completely wrong, but I thought they’d be interested to talk about.

Even if they are from Back to the Sewers.

The Engagement Ring to The Power Within Her

April gets magic jewelry that possesses her, goes on a rampage?  Admittedly, the set-up is very different, as is the tone, but... well, you have to wonder.

I thought The Engagement Ring was one of the better episodes of Back to the Sewers, but as entertaining as it was, I’m still going to give this to 2012, I think.  I like things that have more build-up to them, and they did pretty good at setting up this episode ahead of time, building up that dread.  And it just did more with the concept, you know?

Also, it fit well into my interpretation/re-write of April’s character, so.

Identity Crisis to Brain Worms

I mean.  Turtles get brain-washed by the Foot, have to be broken out of it by being reminded of memories/who they were.  Methodology of the brainwashing is very different, admittedly, which is why I put this down here rather than in the main section!  But it’s similar enough for me to connect them.

This is another situation where I think 2012 took a concept and further developed it.  The brain worms are fantastically gruesome, and really treated like the existential horror it should be.  The amount of fics I’ve seen expanding on the brain-worms concept is proof of how it hooks in people’s brains.

Another point to 2012.

Conclusion

So let’s run a tally.

I'm not sure the two Back to the Sewer episodes count, but I also maybe have broken my rule on the farmhouse arc... I guess we could count those as half points?

Casey Intro: Draw

Window: point 2012

Farmhouse: half-point 2003

Lost triceraton: point 2003

Gladiator arena: Point 2003

City at War: point 2003

Leatherhead intro: point 2012

Renet: Draw

Losely inspired: cumulative point 2012

So that's... 3.5 for 2003, 3 for 2012, and two draws? Pretty close.

Realistically, I think these should be the two takeaways from my opinions:

First, 2003 better matches my personal tastes. I'm a character arc girly, and 2003 gave a lot more attention to that aspect of their writing than 2012 did, and that affects my opinions. See: the Vision Quest rant.

Second, what makes 2012 good is the stuff that’s specific to its iteration.

The way they adapted the Hamato Yoshi backstory from 2003 to be about Splinter and Shredder, making Karai Splinter’s stolen daughter, and how that whole plot line plays out.  The way they make the Kraang a whole organization, and their alliance with Shredder.  The full season, Rube-Goldberg machine buildup of plot.  These are all the thing that make it excel.

So... yeah. That's my thoughts. Your opinions might be different, and - if you're nice about it, please - I would love to hear your thoughts on what I've said, which episodes you like better, and why you like them! Shows hit different people, well, differently!

[tmntheadcanons]

Idk if you've already done this, but have you done how they would deal with panic/hard feelings?

I haven't yet! This one is interesting. I focused more on panicking/fear but I'll make another post for hard feelings, how they act when they're mad, etc. I was thinking about the 03 turtles when I wrote this mainly but it's sort of just my head canons for the turtles in general.

Leo:

I feel like when Leo panics, it's less visible. You might mistake his panicking for just general stress but in his mind he is losing it.

He'll get pushy and impatient.

He'll be anxiously pacing.

When he's starting to panic he starts desperately trying to keep track of everyone in his mind. His head will be darting around in all different directions because he's trying to keep tabs on everybody

In general though, I think Leo is good at keeping his head when he's panicking. He is able to filter out what is important at the moment and what isn't.

And I feel like Leo's panic response sort of hits after the situation has been dealt with. He will handle it in the moment and then the second it's over, he snaps.

His habit is bottling things up until he explodes.

After a high stress situation, Leo needs to be alone. He'll go some place private and just let it out. He won't do this around other people except maybe Splinter.

I could see after a particularly bad mission, he comes home and after everyone's been taken care of he goes into his room and cries for a good half hour. I feel like it would be kind of cathartic for him.

Or he starts replaying the situation in his head and spiraling into what-ifs.

It helps him to talk the whole thing out with Splinter.

Raph:

When Raph is afraid he gets snappy and jumpy. He'll be visibly on edge and probably pretty irritable.

When he is full on panicking I think he would enter a blind rage. Not out of anger but as a fear response. He'll start desperately attacking whatever the threat is. He loses his judgement pretty quickly.

The more panicked he gets the more impulsive and aggressive he gets

Also, notice how some iterations of Raph (I'm thinking bayverse and mutant mayhem) start making heartfelt confessions when he thinks they're all about to die? I feel like that's a Raph thing. In moments of high stress all his pent up feelings just come flooding out.

I think after a really high stress situation, Raph becomes pretty mellow. Also he'll get really tired. He might get upset about the situation again later but in the moment he'll just be exhausted

Afterwards, I could see Raph wanting to spend some alone time, but I could more see him wanting other people around. He'll want some quiet company. He might not say much but he'll stick around the room where everyone is. I think it would comfort him to just be in a mundane and safe environment with everybody.

Donnie:

When Donnie is scared he starts rapid fire thinking of solutions. He shuts everything else out and tries to laser-focus on whatever he's doing.

This makes him block a lot of stuff out and he might not notice or respond to things. He'll blank out for a second and go into his own head but eventually he'll snap back.

When he's panicking, and it's from something he can't solve or analyze, like something flying directly at his head, he'll freeze.

He might start overthinking or over complicating things. In really bad cases he'll be over thinking something so much he'll forget really basic information.

Donnie has the patience of a saint but if someone rushes him when he's under pressure he will obliterate them.

After a stressful situation, Donnie becomes a bit reserved. Like Leo, he'll start replaying the situation in his mind. He'll think about how he could have prevented it, if there will be any repercussions, if he did a good enough job, etc. He'll be a bit jittery and restless. He'll start bouncing his leg or shaking a little.

When he comes home he starts looking for a distraction. He'll be so in his own head he'll need something to distract himself from his own thoughts. He'll immediately start working on/researching something.

Mikey:

If Mikey is afraid, he will say so. Even if he is completely alone he will still say so out loud. He'll get jumpy and easily startled. He also uses humor to mask/cope with fear.

When he is anxious he fiddles with things in his hands, especially his nun-chucks.

But if he picks up that everyone is panicking, he'll force himself to calm down and become a bit more level headed. He'll become unusually serious and focused on whatever they're doing. He also might try to calm other people down, particularly Leo and Raph.

When he gets anxious he'll start slipping up and making stupid mistakes, and then he'll get insecure about those mistakes and start to spiral even more.

When he's panicking he gets flustered and frantic.

Afterwards he might be a bit shaken but he usually comes back down pretty quickly.

He likes to be around people afterwards. He's usually the one to lighten the mood and I think he purposely makes an effort to do that.

He'll be pretty good for a few hours but I think when he goes to bed or is by himself it will hit him again

Sometimes he'll read a comic or play a game or do something fun to get his mind off things

[lightontainted-ask]

TSAC: Greetings! My name is Three Stars Above Clouds. I am Director of the Zenith Stellar Observatory Consortium and Lead Archivist of the Zenith Data Archives.

I have a question for Missing Link of Chain. It is to my understanding that you have curated quite an impressive collection of historical records, and I was curious to learn more about your archival methods.

I maintain a large archive of my own, primarily used to store observational and scientific data. My own archives are primarily data pearl-based; this storage method allows large data payloads from my telescopes to be moved relatively quickly, and also facilitates fast data read/write speeds. However this method of data archival has its limits- for instance it is quite inefficient in the storage of high-resolution qualia, which tends to rapidly exceed normal data pearl memory limits.

I am eager to learn about your own data storage techniques, given the contrast between our respective duties. What kind of information do you maintain in your own archives, and how is it stored? Do you have any particular preferences when it comes to data organization? Are you aided by scholars in the curation of your archives? Do you have any records on hand that you are willing to share?

Please excuse my bevy of questions; I am simply curious about your work. I hope this message finds you well and I wish you good luck in your endeavors. (@threestarsaboveclouds) (ooc: I hope this gives you some worldbuilding stuff to chew on lol. Enjoy)

Hello TSAC! I'd be very happy to answer all your questions, from one archival iterator to another.

About my archival methods- I think you'll find it apparent I don't use many pearls. They fade over time if not cared for properly, and I store far too much data to be stored in a pearl network. Besides, they're particularly easy for me to lose...

Rather, I've taken a long-term storage method that uses purposed organisms to store massive amounts of data in the form of qualia, text, images, audio, and so on. You may even recognize similar organisms around many citadels, storing the memories of those who've ascended. These neural amalgams are stored and grown in large biometal and glass buildings atop my can, towering about as tall as any city, and sprawling even wider. It can be either horrifying or beautiful depending on your tastes. Or neither, if you're me.

This, of course has upsides and downsides. The upside is that this storage method lasts for a very, very long time. However, retrieving the data again is not as optimized. This is not a problem for me, as much of what I store is... rather useless anyways.

Which is what my main job is. Anybody can store data in some neural meat. But that data is scrambled and unorganized, I make sure that everything is properly formatted and easy to find again through a system of complex tags and IDs identified to every segment of data and- actually I'll save that explanation for another time.

My time is more spent organizing rather than going out to find documents myself. Over 99% of the data stored in my archives have been donated to me by scholars, volunteers, companies, and other iterators!

Normally, this would be an easy task. Even easier for me, as I've been designed with a larger processing strata and memory conflux in order to run more parallel processes, but even still, I estimate I'd collapse before I fulled tagged, ID'd, and sorted everything.

Luckily there's a priority system for donated data so I'd get through all the actually useful documents first.

I hope this may satisfy some of your curiosities.

(-ooc, I was going to draw the structures mentioned, but I really don't want to anymore. Here's a wip! Yes I know it shows nothing. Just imagined Memory Crypts but very very tall. And a little less shaded.)

[moseslikellamas]

♱𖣂 Redfork Menace ♱𖣂 pt.3

Benjicot Blackwood x Bracken!OC

Summary - Shanda has made her preparations as good as can be, now she ventures back out into the ceaseless storm to find and bait the Blackwood heir into a trap.

Warnings - fem!reader, suspense, mentions of violence, adult language, liberties taken with weapon mechanics.

Word count - 2.5k

I’ve returned briefly!! Unfortunately even on this day of independence, I have work agony. So enjoy this wild cliffhanger. Ive altered a map of the riverlands taken from https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Red_Fork just to give an idea of where the conflict is taking place. I took the book descriptions into account when placing the castles. The green area outlined is the borderlands. I also didn’t have time to edit sry.

Martyn stood in front of Shanda, frowning. “I don’t think it’s a good plan.” He said finally.

“Duh, Martyn. We don’t have time for a good plan.” She rolled her eyes.

But her brother held firm. “Sorry, I meant it’s not even a passable plan.”

She pitched herself back on her bed groaning. They’d been at it for hours and every plan seemed flawed.

“You can’t let him get his hands on you again.” Martyns' gaze was hard. “I mean it, Shan. They don’t call him bloody ben for nothing.” The latest reports on the heir of Raventree insisted he could crush a man's head with his hands like a melon.

Shanda got up and began to pace, feeling like the frantic wind beating against her window. It was desperate to get in, and her to get out.

“I told you, I didn’t know it was him. And how could I? Once I realized who he was, I exclusively used evasive maneuvers. He caught me by surprise, that won’t happen again. Trust me.”

No one was more bitter about being caught than she was. Even if he had been a random guard, it was an insult that he’d ever gotten close enough to touch her. Shanda prided herself on her ability to slip through life mostly unseen. She put on the show well enough when required but she lived in the moments between walls. With the rush of her heart heavy in her head while she garnered the most precious resource, secrets. It was the only thing she had a real and true patience for. She could lie in wait for days unaffected, ready at a moment's notice. That is, given its worth her time. Plenty of people knew a profusion of particulars, the problem came in deciding which particulars mattered. Currently, and for so many years it's hard to keep count honestly, it’s been Blackwood information. Nasty business is secret dealing though unfortunately and she would always prefer hearing it firsthand.

“Take the bow, set up a snare in the copse, and for the love of the seven don’t let him sneak up on you.”

Martyn had taken up residence on her bed, lounging without a care as he prepared her to sneak into “neutral” territory.

According to the latest edict passed down from Riverrun, a league was to separate the two lands. The borderlands was more or less two and a half leagues. Because of this there was still continued, heated debate over the real border of the two lands. The copse was smack in the middle of the two opposing sides. It was as truly neutral as it could between the two houses. And considering she’d just rolled around in a mud fight last night, it wasn’t exactly being recognized as such.

“You’re quick enough to evade him but you suck at hunting.” Now laying upside down, Martyn was fiddling with the tassel attached to the bed hanging. “I don’t know the borderlands like you, so I can’t think up a misdirection for you but that’s your best shot at snaring him.”

The current plan included some iteration of her being seen, a subsequent chase and ideally, a Blackwood trussed up. They didn’t have a good backup plan though so in the event that failed she’d book it home or find a good hiding spot to wait it out. And there were so many ways it could go wrong. Martyn had bribed another guard to switch shifts with him, in case she got stuck out longer than expected. The mainest objective of tonight was to find and bring the dagger she’d borrowed home or else the armory was going to start asking question they couldn’t answer. Not truthfully or without a raging argument anyway.

“Use your anonymity to your advantage, sow dissent around the other houses. They’ll be fine combing everyone in the riverlands.”

Shanda wasn’t listening to her brothers well meant advice anymore though. She’d reached the stage of anticipation where her brain was moving too quickly for conversation. She was too busy mapping out the planned course of action. She didn’t want to get anywhere near the guards, but with the bow she wouldn’t have to.

“I’ve got to go. I’ll be late as it is. Remember if you get stuck out there, the story is -“

“I went to the Redfork before dawn, I passed you and said something about the mourning ceremony. Everyone will be uncomfortable enough to leave it at that. I remember.”

The river cut through the borderlands but it was finicky. Sometimes high enough to require a bridge passing but that meant locating a bridge. That was too time consuming, Shanda planned to take a pole to vault over it instead. She couldn’t even remember passing the river on her flight home last night, she must’ve taken the bridge though as it was pouring rain. The sky had yet to let up in its continued assault. Though it wasn’t as suffocating as it had been, it was constant. For hours it had been consistently falling, a relentless pattering that seemed to morph into a dull droning inside her head. It was a quiet roar eroding what was left of her sanity.

Shanda strapped the bow to her back and pulled her hood up. This time she’d taken pains to cover herself more effectively. Her hair was bound up and hidden, covered by a piece of black fabric pinned in place. She wanted to cover her face as well but with the rain that was an impossibility. She had settled instead on smearing her face with a handful of mud. It would help hide her features if nothing else. She elected to wear the ruined cloak. Having hastily sewn the slash back up, it sat a bit awkwardly with the missing fabric but she knew it would be soaked and clinging to her soon anyway. Tied around her waist was the rope she needed to set the snare, it was thin and she had heaps of it. She wouldn’t run out of materials tonight.

Gazing around her room she only just now realized Martyn had departed. She crossed to the window and gazed out at the sky, black clouds continued to roll in obscuring any moonlight. She turned her attention to the guard tower, where a glint of steel signaled she was clear to leave. Crossing her room quickly, she slipped out the door and down the hall. The only sound was the distant rush of rain and the crackle of torch flames as she snuck down the stairs, past the main hall guards and into the kitchens. A sack of fat trimmings sat on the floor waiting for her and she scooped it up before storing it in her bag. The riverlands were always full of wolves. Day or night, rain or shine, the riverlands had a wolf problem. And Shanda hoped to use that to her advantage if everything went to shit. What better way to throw off the all mighty warrior than have a wolf attack him?

Once outside she didn’t breathe until she was safely outside of the keep walls and in the tall grass again. She stopped and ripped up several wild onions, and stuffed them inside her bag to hopefully hide the smell of meat until she wanted it to be smelled. She was already soaked when the first strike of lightning hit. It was close enough she could smell it and feel the heat of it on her skin. Unphased she began smearing her face in mud, covering both hands as well. Then she got to work.

The walk this time was spent carefully surveying the land around her. Hiding up a tree or in a fox den was out of the question. She couldn’t risk anywhere that might trap her, instead she considered the way the land moved. Which areas had slopes or holes. Where the mud was softest and which weeds were tangled together. This portion of the borderlands would be her last stand and before she continued on, she set what would be the last trap of the night. If they chased her this far it meant things had gone astronomically wrong. She pulled the heavy claw trap out and carefully pulled the metal sides apart before setting it in the shallow hollow. Then she spent a while weaving strands of grass together to conceal the trap. It would snap an ankle pretty cleanly with the spikes sawed down.

Crouched in the grass she made a mental note of where she placed the trap and sent a prayer to the warrior that she didn’t fall into it herself. Then she set off towards the small collection of trees on her side of the Redfork. The first snare she set was at the opening of the trees. This was the weakest point in her mind. The odds that she remembered exactly where to exit were slim to none. But it didn’t hurt to have something near the boundary between grass and trees. From there she spent more than an hour setting various snares around her side of the river before crossing and placing just a few on the other side. If this dispute became known she didn’t want to give the Blackwoods much ammo to accuse them of starting it. She could justify a few snares. Since technically this was neutral land, there was no reason she couldn’t place as many as she liked.

At last came the part she’d been waiting for. She walked slowly through the last of the trees. Crouched low and silent, she pulled the bow off of her back and notched an arrow. She crept forward for a while, keeping only to the right. She wanted to confront the heir something terrible but it was most important she not return to the same post twice. If she visited more than four posts without seeing him, she’d hang it up and try again later. But she didn’t think that would be an issue. If he’d been telling the truth last night, they were already looking for her right now. It shouldn’t have but it made her feel light and giddy to imagine a score of idiot Blackwood guards confused and aggravated, searching for her. She shook the jitters out of her hands and took a deep breath, pulling the bow taunt as she approached the first post of the night.

Still concealed within the trees she couldn’t hear the guards' conversation over the pounding rain. The wind was low and not doing anything for her now. She could see three of them, posted under a hastily erected canopy that was doing little to keep them dry. She scanned their faces briefly, making sure to keep an eye on her surroundings while she did. She wasn’t likely to be the only one making plans to obtain information. She pushed down her rising excitement once she confirmed Benjicot was not among these guards. Releasing the tension on her bow she walked on.

It wasn’t until the very last post she checked that she found him. Of course, she thought ruefully. They would want her as far out as they could conceivably believe to lure her. It didn’t matter to her, she could play along. And she knew they were playing once she spotted him. The fourth post was a crumbling ruin which immediately made her wary. A physical structure provided cover and ample opportunity to hide resources. It made the post more unpredictable and easy to defend. She didn’t want him to defend, she wanted him to run.

As she worked her eyes up the crumbling ruin her sense of forbidding rose, bow pulled taunt she aimed up and up scouting for guards. There were none until she reached the top of a half broken stone wall and found the Blackwood heir staring right at her.

“Shit.”

It all happened very quickly then, she loosened the first arrow, striking just beside him and he jumped off of the stone wall. It shocked her so much she nearly slipped in the mud as she began to run backwards, sending several more arrows at him. The wall had been several feet high and he hadn’t even paused when he touched the ground.

“Holy Mother. Agh.” She muttered under her breath watching him rapidly approach her position.

He was fast. Much faster than she was anticipating and he’d been waiting for her the asshole. She slung the bow back over her shoulder and took off in a dead sprint. There were no taunts thrown this time, just the sound of her sure breath as she vaulted over turned logs and gnarled roots. She was mid way over a recently down tree when he tackled her from behind. He was moving so quickly when he hit her that they both soared over the tree, tumbling to the ground together.

The struggle on the ground was aggressive, as they wrestled sliding in the forest undergrowth. She was lucky he hadn’t landed on top of her and she was able to slide her legs out from under him before he could make a grab for her. She quickly stood using her hands and knees but a hand wrapped around her ankle jerking her down. Clawing forward she kicked her free foot back at him striking his shoulder before he locked that leg down as well. Grunting she twisted around and socked him in the eye as hard as she could. His hold was tenuous in the rain but loosened further when a laugh burst out of him at the punch.

She was up and running in an instant. She felt like a blur as she led him up to the river. She vaulted over it without even trying to trigger a trap on his side. He was fucking quick and she didn’t want to give me an opportunity to down her again. Having the pole gave her the head start advantage she needed to get in position. When she saw him come barreling through the trees it didn’t take her long to lead him into the first snare. The rope pulled taut around his foot, sending him sprawling as it snapped.

She would’ve groaned at the sight if she weren’t panting hard, sliding through the mud working to find the next trap. The problem with running in the dark in a torrential downpour is it's incredibly difficult to see, and in that it becomes impossible to identify where you’ve been. So when the next snare triggered and she tripped it was a hard fall. She knew how to undo the snares and had just gotten it off as Benjicot slammed into her.

“Son of a - ah!”

This time he’d yanked the bow off of her back immediately slamming her head onto the ground, water and mud rushing up to choke her. Before yanking her arms back behind her, shoulders drawn back from the force, while his knees pinned the back of her legs down. The cold metal of her own knife pressed against her neck, with rain running in rivulets down it into her cloak.

“Caught you.”

[thefiresontheheight]

1. The Roud Folk Song Index lists it as the 39th Child Ballad. Comparisons to be made to Type 425 in the Aarne-Thompson-Uther Index, under the entry “The Search for the Lost Husband.” TvTropes.com has more to say on the page titled “Shapeshifting Lover.” A story iterated upon in many forms. A young woman, almost always a woman, sometimes virginal, is wedded, or falls in love with, or is taken away by a man under some sort of curse. He is horse. Or a lindworm. Or a wolf. Sometimes only at night. Sometimes only when the fairies who cursed him make him so. He is a Beast, she must undo whatever evil makes him so, normally through a kiss, true love, wedding him, or, in some of the less sanitized versions, simply sex. 1. The first time they hooked up he cried afterwords, which she didn’t understand at the time. They were sophomores in college. It wasn’t her first time. It should have been casual. It was up until he cried in the morning. She felt so bad that she suggested they get breakfast together, when she had simply meant to leave. At breakfast he calmed, he talked about his life. Quiet, nerdy, hiding in his hoodie. There was something vulnerable there, and she liked it. She gave him her number after. 2. Later thinkers and writers have revisited this trope. Sometimes it is played straight, depicted on the screen by Disney. Sometimes this is (falsely I would argue) called Stockholm Syndrome. Sometimes this is, it must be said, simply used for purposes of sex and titillation. I think, however, that the continued persistence of this motif in media, it’s emotional resonance, demands further explication of its longevity. What about this appeals to us in the modern day, when we (ideally) can no longer ascribe to it a moral of young women being forced to accept arranged marriages? 2. They’re a few months into their time dating, after long arguments about that label, when the crying returns. This time no longer after sex, but she feels the emotion is the same. You should leave me, he says. Break up. You should do it now before I hurt you, he says. And she, not wanting to point out that she is bigger and stronger than he is, gently asks why he says something like that? In there time together he has been nothing if not careful. Thoughtful. Kind. One of the most soft and charming people she knows. He cannot explain it in any satisfying way. He simply insists that there is something dark inside him. Something he has sought to deny far too long, and will not be able to deny forever. That if she stays she will be hurt, simply as a function of loving him. He will one day lose the fight against himself. She does not know what to do but hold him. 3. I think some of the appeal of this trope can be found in reference to another motif of our pop cultural mythos. That of the werewolf. We are used to seeing werewolves depicted from the viewpoint of the hunted. But there is perpetually the question of what such a transformation looks like from the viewpoint of the animal itself. A human transforming into a beast demands of a human audience that we consider what it must be like to monster. To be capable of hurting those we love. And yet, I at least wonder, if we are capable of hurting those loved ones, do we not still hope that they will love us as we transform? As we become different, monstrous in shape and utterly unknown even to them? 3. They graduate. Together. Move into an apartment above a Taiwanese restaurant. She gets a shitty job that has health insurance for them both. He does commission from home. It’s not perfect. There is some part of him he never shares and she does her best to make peace with that. To accept that wherever his mind goes when he is watching her put on a dress, do her make up, whatever he ponders while watching the women passing by the street outside, or after they have sex, that is something he has chosen not to share. But instead they share popcorn. And bills. And shitty inside jokes. And that time they got accidentally drunk at his mothers remarriage to Craig (fucking Craig amiright?) and got found by the staff of the hotel whose ballroom she had rented, having passed out near the punch bowl. It’s a life. It’s their life. She tries to give him space within it. 4. Consider again the Ballad of Tam Lin. The idea of Janet in the woods, holding onto her lover as wicked fairies transform him. To something ice cold. To something burning hot. To a horrible slimed thing writhing in her embrace. To a snarling wolf-monster, a beast of wicked claws and gnashing teeth. Who has, at one time or another, when circumstances reveal that which we keep hidden, felt like that? 4. She gets home unexpectedly early one spring afternoon in her late twenties. Janet from accounting somehow set fire to a microwave, which set off the sprinklers, and no one could get anything done that day. A small treat, and it validates her admittedly flash-judgment of Janet. And as she unlocks the door, flowers in hand, she finds him in front of the closet they share, and understands the secret that has been kept from her for almost a decade. 5. And then of course, the tales and legends end. Normally in the curse being lifted, the lover being returned to normal. Beast is a beast no more, the Lindworm is again a prince, Tam Lin may leave the woods a man. A simple ending to a simple story. But for us living in reality? Outside of the tidy constraints of fiction? Perhaps there is no ending. Perhaps we remain a beast, remain a wolf, remain cursed, and monstrous and strange. Perhaps we endlessly transform into new, and more twisted shapes, and have only hope that our loves will hold us nonetheless. That even if we become something that may hurt them, something they may not understand, they will still love us. 5. It is hard. It would be nice to say there are not challenges. She always thought she was bi, but the label of straight was easy, and she never had to examine it when she was with him. She keeps on stealing her dresses. There are good times too. Times where she looks at this woman still becoming, someone she had loved for a decade and still barely knows, and sees how brightly she smiles, and feels so proud. But it is above all else hard. The crying does not go away. Estrogen works wonders, but cannot stop dysphoria, and hurt, and pain. It is hard to love her. But she is trying. And when the fights over labels and new boundaries and shifting emotions break out, or the dread comes, or the weeping, she does what she can. She holds her partner, no matter the form she takes.

[electric-s0da]

Please note that; this post has showings/depictions of blood and strong language found within some of the drawings. @moonverc3x convinced me to join on in the @kirbyoctournament with their very persuasive words.

Bro got a really captivating vocab, how can I refuse? /pos Anyways, I am submitting Neko! Pronounced as Nico cause it took me over 3 years to realize that I was dyslexic and had been saying 'Neko' wrong the whole time. Created on SEPTEMBER 11th 2018 My oldest Kirby OC. Lil Man started off as a little cat with an absolutely horrendous design that was bleeding with the affection I had for the Kirby fandom and anime. Filled to the brim with cringe.

[OLD ART FROM 2018] Skipping over a few years, he was redesigned with any sanity I had to salvage them. Thus came this new iteration of Neko. Which is whatever you call this.

[OLD ART FROM 2022-2023] Which is still a cannon version of him but not the specific version of him that I'm submitting to this tournament. I got out of drawing puffballs and borbs in the fandom so if someone asks me to draw in the Kirby species format it may or may not look very good 👍 Coming to my last design of him that will be submitted into the ring to fight it out in brackets. His biker arc.

[ART FROM LATE 2023 TO PRESENT] This variation of Neko was made for an RP with a friend group I've been a part of since 2017 on the good ol Kirby Amino I know traumatized a whole lot of you that was on it during the prime and golden age of Amino. Therapy isn't cheap but I hope those affected can find comfort knowing the place has fallen into ruins, dusted with spider webs and rotting as the app burns from the inside. Anyways, this version of him grew up in an underground fight ring which was his home after living on the streets for his whole life, before it was discovered and the whole place scattered him and his friends across the region where the story takes place. I didn't write the story for this RP that was heavily inspired by TOTK, but that's the gist of his backstory. He's very laid back now that he'd older but was much cockier when in the fight ring. He very much mellowed out after his whole home got taken away. Learning to not treat everything like it was easily disposable in life. Neko is and has always been caring to his friends and family, doing his best to take care of them without letting his strong persona mask slip off. His ethnicity is Filipino. His current design across the board is based on my childhood cat named Jingles and his personality is based on another one of my cats that passed away last year at the age of 18. While some may thing this isn't important to mention I have to say those people are wrong as he really did shape Neko into the character that they are. So overall I hope to whomever read this far you enjoyed learning about Neko! Thanks for reading and good luck to the other bracket competitors, may the best OC win this :] Ciao~! Bonus: I don't have pictures of Jingles but I do of Spookie <3

[earthstellar]

More Thoughts on Prowl in Earthspark

I think it would be fun if Prowl has a little bit of a tough time integrating with the Terran Team, which I talked about previously in another post

Like, if it starts out rough, understandable-- And then the "lesson" for the intended audience (kids) can be something along the lines of learning how to get along with others that may be different from yourself, how to integrate into a different culture by trying to make friends and being open to learning, how to meet people halfway when you might be personally hesitant, etc.

But I have some more thoughts...

Real World Concerns: ACAB Still Applies

Keeping in mind that Prowl's a cop and there are some real world implications of that which are even more highlighted as the Maltos are a non-white family who live in the USA, I can understand the concerns I've seen some people have about bringing a "tough cop" type of character into a show that has heavy emphasis on diversity and reflecting that diversity fairly realistically.

I've been wrongfully detained back when I was a teenager and was taken across a state border then had to sleep in a cell overnight thanks to the NYPD myself as a trans person, which happened only four weeks after my black partner at the time was harassed by a police officer when a cop straight up just walked into my dad's house with no warrant because apparently a black person and a trans person gardening together is "suspicious behaviour".

My dad's house is in Pennsylvania, which is where Earthspark takes place. Me and my loved ones have been harassed by cops that are quite literally the actual cops you'd see in Earthspark, in Witwicky. Same police department/region in Pennsylvania, given their proximity to actual Pennsylvanian locations in the show.

So I know these fears well and I understand-- Nobody has a good experience with the American police. Every interaction is terrifying, and those of us in any minority group are far more likely to have experiences like this having never committed any crime or wrongdoing at all. Seeing any cop, even a fictional one, can trigger some bad memories or prior trauma for a lot of us, and it might be hard for them to work around.

I'm thinking that's part of why they've changed his alt-mode, from what we can tell from the toy photos.

Earthspark Handles Real World Issues Fairly Well: Writing with Sensitivity

At the same time, the themes of the show are fundamentally family, friends, learning, growing, and teamwork, with some emphasis on developing emotional intelligence and social/cultural awareness.

It's important to remember that Prowl is a Cybertronian cop who took a cop car alt-mode back in the G1 days because it was simply what fit his own role best and made for the most effective cover while on Earth-- He may not be working with local human police forces, but if he is, we'll see how the show handles that.

I think it's notable that they've changed up Prowl's alt-mode design here, despite having shown him in his police vehicle alt-mode in the G1 flashback sequence. You don't see "POLICE" written across his doorwings, these days. They're not selling him as a "cop car toy" anymore, which I think most of us can agree is a good thing.

I think Prowl absolutely has a place in Earthspark, and it'll be interesting to see how they utilise his character-- For all we know, it'll be a totally unique take on the character unlike any specific prior iteration of him, which would also be interesting!

But I do think that they know they have to be careful with introducing a cop character. They've handled subjects like xenophobia in Earthspark very tactfully in a way that suits the intended audience of children, and hopefully they continue to use the same tact when interpreting Prowl's character for this same audience, given that he's a cop and there are implications to cop characters in general that are going to lead a lot of people to be a little less forgiving and a little more suspicious of him.

More Conjecture/Thinking Out Loud, Since All We Have is a Photo of a Toy At This Point

That having been said, almost no story can happen without a hero's journey in some shape or form, and it would be interesting to see Prowl have some initial difficulty dealing with the Terrans and humans in general (or something similar that might cause some level of conflict) to be resolved as time goes on.

It would be interesting if the show touches on Prowl being a cop and how American kids realistically react to that.

I was always taught to never speak to a cop and how to do so very carefully if I ever absolutely had to etc. when I was a kid, and I'm sure the Maltos have had that same conversation with their children. It's a safety issue; Unfortunately, most American kids get "the cop talk" pretty early.

Maybe Prowl shows up and Robby immediately grabs Mo to get her behind him and he tells his Terran siblings to "let him do the talking", since he's the oldest one and a little more aware of the risk that police officers can present. Since Mo is usually outgoing, and she might be more quiet here because she would understand the potential risk whenever cops are involved, the Terrans would take the hint and be wary of Prowl.

Or perhaps Prowl is introduced as an "enforcer" by Optimus, and when the kids ask what that means, Optimus translates it as "police officer", which might be what causes Robby and Mo to react a little negatively/suspiciously to Prowl. So it wouldn't be as immediate of a reaction, but once they find out he's a cop, they react appropriately-- With caution.

Which might serve to alienate him a bit, as he wouldn't understand why they were just outgoing and friendly and now they're suddenly not-- From Prowl's point of view, he might not fully understand their reaction.

If he'd been working on trying to investigate the bot fighting rings etc., then he'd be aware of the general public's xenophobia towards Cybertronians and how that can manifest as real violence, and might think the kids were being biased against him. Which might be worsened by the fact that to him, as far as he knows, they evidently don't like enforcers specifically-- Which may even lead him to overthink it, as he is technically designed to do in most continuities, and he might assume their anxiety around him comes from some kind of criminal history on their part.

This could be handled partially comedically, as the audience knows the kids are good and haven't done anything wrong (and this would also introduce Prowl's capabilities as an investigative officer while framing him as a "silly adult bewildered by kids just being kids" for the younger viewers)-- -But it needs to be treated respectfully and with reasonable seriousness as well.

This type of assumed guilt is often what leads to wrongful arrest, miscarriage of justice, and serious abuse from actual police. There is a real world body count for this exact kind of assumption, and these assumptions are often based in racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.

And this is a kid's show, so I don't think they'll go too deep-- But I do think they'll address the "cop in the room" in some kind of way.

There could be some serious misunderstandings that go both ways, as the kids might then interpret any upset from Prowl as being inherently hostile.

It would take work to get them to trust him, and Prowl would need to come to understand why being an enforcer in this context is something that registers as a threat to the Maltos and by proxy the Terrans as well-- Who haven't had good experiences with authority figures either, given the whole GHOST situation.

And given that he might not start out too enthused about the situation altogether (we don't know how he might be coping with being forced to live on Earth), it might be interesting if they take this approach (or a similar one) to introducing Prowl.

Keeping in mind this is a show for kids, and you don't want kids to implicitly trust cops. In America especially, that's just not a safe lesson to teach.

So it would be hard for them to pull something like this off, in a way that both 1) solidifies that cops can't be safely trusted and also 2) Prowl is good not because he's a cop, but because his genuine interests are to protect and serve in his own way, and it's not just some kind of fake creed that he doesn't follow like every other cop.

But like I said, you can't teach kids that cops are good. So it'll be interesting to see how they handle his role as "enforcer".

He might be misguided sometimes, or he might need some fine-tuning, but Prowl shouldn't be directly malicious or intentionally mean to the kids. Maybe he's accidentally rude, or doesn't understand how he comes across to others (especially humans/the Terrans). Maybe he's having a hard time being on Earth, and it shows in his behaviour or demeanour.

But he can learn, and adapt as best he can over time. The show is about learning and growing with each other.

I Don't Think He'll Dislike the Kids Too Much: Teaching Time with Prowl

It'll be interesting to see how Prowl gets along with the kids, but I do think he eventually will, at least to some degree.

I don't think Prowl is a child-hater. I think he might need time to acclimate and socialise a little more effectively and understand a little more. And the kids might need the same, when it comes to Prowl.

I can't see him as being mean to them, not once he realises the Terrans are essentially sparklings and the human kids develop and grow on a totally different scale. We don't know what interactions Prowl might have with humans in general, or how experienced he is with younglings of any kind.

There might be a learning process, or Prowl might even take up helping to tutor the kids a bit-- He could help teach them investigative techniques, or logical problem solving, or how to evaluate complex situations (like calculating battle outcomes and assessing threats in the field-- a safety lesson as much as anything else). Things along those lines.

We've already seen the kids learn from various adults, so why not Prowl too?

I can see him wanting to protect them and do what he can to help them, but he might not be a super-involved parent-type, and that's totally fine.

He would likely make for a strict but effective teacher, using his skills of observation to notice when the kids need some extra assistance or would benefit from a different approach.

He might also struggle to teach at first; Maybe he attempts to treat it like an enforcer academy, which the kids might not respond well to. Bumblebee could provide some input to help Prowl adjust his approach, as he has the most experience with training them so far.

He Might Not Be a Cop at All

Maybe he's not an enforcer at all anymore, in this continuity.

Maybe he's struggling to find an identity for himself after realising the enforcement system on Cybertron was corrupt (as Megatron in Earthspark has given us some hints that the background setup to the war might be similar to IDW 1 in some regards), and after finding Earth's police are no better, he's at a loss for how to make himself useful.

He could possibly be working as a kind of private investigator, carrying out missions assigned to him by Optimus. He doesn't wear the GHOST badge, so it doesn't seem like he's been working with them somewhere this whole time.

Part of any irritation from him might be, essentially, an identity crisis. What does he do now, and how does he do it, with almost no resources and very few Cybertronians left to collaborate with? Does he even want to collaborate with anyone at all, at this point?

He might be more of a solo actor in Earthspark, off doing his own thing. With or without missions assigned from Optimus.

But he does still wear the Autobrand, which is interesting if this is the case.

More Disability Representation: Prowl is Essentially Neurodivergent With a Syncope Disorder

He might not be too good at socialising, but this shouldn't be taken as a sign of being a "mean cop"-- Prowl is canonically neurodivergent in some continuities (owing to his unique tactical/statistical processing, he is also prone to crashes), and any social problems he's depicted with are at least in part a result of his thought processes and perception of things being fundamentally different.

It would be interesting if they brought this aspect of his character back for this iteration of Prowl; Maybe he sees the Terrans for the first time and his processor struggles to understand what's going on and what they are at first, and it might trigger a crash.

Of course, the kids would react like how most kids do; Sort of panicked and worried that it's their fault somehow. Prowl could provide some situations that would be a good opportunity to teach kids a little more about disability and provide further representation for any neurodivergent kids watching the show, which would be great! And a "crash" could be comparable to anything from some types of seizures to syncope disorders to narcolepsy etc.-- Any health condition where fainting or collapse might occur.

We rarely see syncope etc. disorders portrayed in media, let alone kid shows, so it would be great to see in Earthspark as an opportunity for both inclusion for disabled audiences and education on disability for non-disabled audiences.

It would be interesting if a "crash" were portrayed somewhat realistically, no immediate recovery, maybe some dizziness, lingering fuel tank upset, maybe he even sustains some damage from falling over. It might take him a bit to fully reboot. He might regularly need to be a little more careful, to avoid processor loops or logic system issues that could lead to a crash.

Maybe he has a crash at a critical moment, and is out of commission for a battle or situation where he could have been helpful. If the kids are lukewarm towards him at this point, maybe seeing him laid out on a berth still recovering after they return from the fight would encourage them to step up and reassure him that he's not any less capable-- They would understand.

They've likely seen their mother struggle now and then on days where the phantom limb nerve pain is too much for her to go on that hike they had planned, or days where the prosthetic just isn't the vibe so she goes without and gets around the house a little differently on those days, or maybe even days where they see Dot looking at her prosthetic with a little sigh, and that's just how it is. Not every day is a feeling good day, some days the prosthetic just isn't wanted, some days the prosthetic is harder to put on than others. Disability is variable, and how people deal with disability fluctuates.

The kids would be good about understanding that Prowl has "those kind of days" too.

The show's not about Prowl-- There is an ensemble cast and plot/storylines to progress. But it would be a nice little scene if they want to do a one-off bit about this, that could also serve to show that Prowl, as hard-ass as he might come across, does actually have some vulnerabilities.

It could be the thing that encourages the kids to at least try to work with him, if they have any initial hesitancy-- Especially following their experiences with Robbie's illness previously.

If the kids might think Prowl's demeanour is a little off-putting because he's not as outwardly emotive, might be more literal than others, etc., maybe one of the other adult bots could help explain to them that Prowl's processor just works differently, and that he struggles with being social. The kids would likely be understanding of this, and it would be a nice parallel to teaching abled kids how to interact with autistic peers, while also making Prowl relatable to autistic kids watching the show.

(This would also provide a potential opportunity for a medic character to be introduced... I'm just saying. We all want Ratchet to show up, lmao.)

Earthspark is good about disability representation so far, and it would be nice to see that it's not just humans who can be disabled.

----

Anyway, yes, there's a lot of potential for Prowl in Earthspark, but it will have to be handled with tact, which I think the writers have proven themselves to be pretty capable of so far.

So, we'll see! We have no information right now aside from the toy photos, but the hype is real, and it will be interesting to see how they bring Prowl into the show and what, exactly, he'll be doing.

[peoniesnro]

In Another Universe.

#2. A Lil' Roll

Synopsis – When you are just another iteration of Park Jimin’s girlfriend in a different universe.

Park Jimin × Reader

Genre – Parallel universe (duh)/ kind of fantasy/ strangers to ??/ SMUT (will be here in future chapters)/ maybe romance/ angst/ fluff /Infidelity

Warnings – Language/ Slight breast play/ Arousals

Word count - 7k

Chapter index

Previous - Next

…................................................................................................

Jimin thinks his body is on fire. Every inch of his skin burns. Throat sore. A violent sneeze, intense enough to break his neck was, what woke him up a second ago. It has taken him a solid minute to recall why he is woke up on his couch. In a sitting position. With a stiff neck. That stiffness, however, doesn’t stop him from snapping his head to his right, his heart pounding violently. Scared of seeing who he expects to see. Only to find an empty spot.

A breath of relief leaves his mouth. So hard. Like he’s been underwater for hours. There’s no one next to him. Not even a sign. Thank goodness it was a nightmare, even though it’s hard to explain how he ended up on the couch. It doesn’t matter though. That woman who he met, probably through his dreams, isn’t real. That’s more than enough in the end.

Jimin gets to his feet in light speed. Unfortunate how he misses the cold, forgotten coffee mug on Liya’s precious coffee table. No surprise. He is focusing on one thing and one thing only.

Liya!

He doesn’t think he has ever been as scared as he was in that damned dream. Has no idea what he would do if it were reality. The reality of Liya disappearing. That would make him drown in guilt. That damn fight they had before bed didn’t help his situation either. No matter how much they fought, it’s not like he would want her to disappear. No, of course not. She has been in his life forever. For good or bad. It doesn’t matter. In the end, she is a part of his life.

Thank God it was just a dream. He would take a look anyway to see if Liya’s okay. Just to be cautious. It doesn’t hurt to be cautious.

He bursts into the bedroom first. Empty. The bathroom is next. Empty. Then he is in the kitchen, feeling like he is still dreaming. Stops right in the doorway, eyes falling on the figure next to the kitchen island. Struggling with a blender. Ridiculous. He doesn’t care, however. Not when he recognizes the woman in his kitchen instantly. The sigh that escapes his mouth is so loud that it catches her attention.

“Oh hey! You up?” Liya doesn’t yell when she talks. It’s soothing like music. “Why did you sleep on the couch?” She mumbles as she keeps trying to make her morning smoothie. She isn’t mad at him anymore. It appears. Normally, their fights would last for days. Today is an exception, apparently. Not that it makes Jimin feel any better. Liya looks at him in question when he doesn’t answer.

Jimin doesn’t know how to answer that question now. What can he say, after all? Sleepwalk? So, he decides to lie. Strides toward his girlfriend. “Uh… couldn’t sleep so, I... uh... ended up there… I guess”. Liya turns to Jimin as he approaches her. “You guess?” She raises one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Yes. I must have fallen asleep at some point. I don’t know.” Jimin is sniffling uncontrollably and coughing. Liya looks at him, concerned. “And you’re sick too”. Not a question but a statement. An observation.

He ignores it. Thinks about each and every scenario of that dream. It’s really baffling for Jimin how it all felt so real.

Even when he is here now. Certain it was a dream. He can’t help but compare the woman he dreamt about with Liya.

This is Liya. The Liya he knows. His girlfriend of five years.

He takes her confused yet concerned face in. Then her delicate figures. Lips, nose, eyes, brows, hair. Her graceful body with its slender curves. This is Liya. Incredulous how he mistook someone else for her. Explain why it could only be a dream. That’s not a possibility in reality. There’s no way he would mistake. He knows her for five years. Five fucking years. It was just a dream. Everything’s possible in a dream.

Still, even with that, he wants to ask her if anything happened. Just needs reassurance. But that question might sound insane. Decides to keep ridiculous dreams to himself. So, he chooses to grab her by the forearm and pull her into his embrace instead. Just glad it wasn’t real. Glad she is okay. Ignores the way she yelps in surprise but couldn’t ignore her words. “Well, this is new. But let go Jimin. I’m getting late” And with that, she is pushing him away. Kisses his cheek slightly before giving up on her smoothie. Leaves him alone in the kitchen.

What’s so fucked up? He doesn’t feel disappointed nor does he feels hurt. She rejected him, didn’t she? Shouldn’t he feel hurt? That’s his girlfriend after all. Since when does he not care at all. Since when has just being alive been enough.

…................................................................................................

Art and Design Theory is the only theory-based subject that you like. Even just a little, in your damn degree. You hate most of the subjects. This one, however, has made you appreciate your major a little. A reason to think you chose the right one. Even with that, you’re not listening to a single word - the black haired, vivacious woman is saying. Yoon-hee is one of your favorite professors. The last thing you want is to be on her bad side. Still, you can’t help searching and searching on every social media page, blog, professional sites, hell even on genealogy websites for a certain person.

You ignore the pokes on your ribcage for a third time. Didn’t really realize your best friend has been hissing in your ear for some time now. “For fucks sake, dude. What are you searching for so desperately?” Key hisses in your ear for the hundredth time and you finally look at her face. She is scowling at you. A pout on her lips. You sigh heavily in resignation. “Park Jimin” You mumble in a very hoarse voice before completely ignoring her again and return to your in-depth research. “Who?” She perks up and you can’t tell if she really didn’t hear you or not. You give her a long stare.

“Park Jimin Key. That’s his name” It’s really difficult to talk. With a parched throat and a stuffy nose.

“Okay.” She starts pulling out her phone while you look at her with interest. “What? I’m gonna help you find whoever this is…” She stops midsentence to look at your face. Like she realized something only now. “Who is he? When and where did you meet him? And why do you want to find him so badly that you’re literally ignoring your crush.” She gestures to your professor with a tilt of her chin. You roll your eyes. Not really in a mood to joke. The thing is you don’t know how to answer her questions now. A man you met in your dreams? This stresses you out to no end. Simply because it wasn’t a dream. Not at all. You’re positive. It really happened.

See, you were quite certain it was a dream when you opened your eyes this morning. In your own bed. At your own rusty and dusty but trusty apartment. You clearly ignored your burning eyes and sore body. Blamed all the exhaustion you felt on all the crying. Didn’t really give a shit about your suddenly runny nose. Was simply happy that it all was a dream. Until, of course, you checked the time and jumped out of bed to rush to the bathroom. That’s when your leg got tangled in a blanket that nearly made you break your neck.

A blanket which is not yours for sure.

A blanket from a dream.

A blanket, someone named Park Jimin, used to wrap your trembling body.

A blanket that shouldn’t be on your bed.

And like that you began to feel like you were dreaming again.

You should’ve known better after all. It all felt too vivid to be a dream. You can still feel the sting of the rain drops. Feel the fear. Feel his presence. Feel his breath on your thigh. Feel his feathery touch there. Hear his voice. It really can’t be a dream. The problem is, it only leaves you to believe that you, indeed travelled to a different world. Met someone. Nearly died. Went through so many things within a mere few hours. And that freaks you out. The experience was scary itself. But the fact that it was in a strange world makes goosebumps appears on your skin.

You need reassurance. Need to find this person so it explains that it wasn’t a different world but the same world you know. The only world. Doesn’t matter how you ended up in his place, only need it to be the same world. Disappointingly, all your efforts are in vain. You found thousands of Parks. Found several Jimins. So did you find three Park Jimins but not the person you are looking for. Nobody has that plump lips, cute nose, or captivating eyes. Nobody looks that ethereal nor mesmerizing.

Key’s voice startles you slightly when she hums in your ear in question. You really can’t tell her anything. Everything is so messed up and seems absurd. Besides, it is all over and there’s no reason to make her worry. So, you lie. “Someone I met online”.

…................................................................................................

All you want to do is go home and sleep. You feel like shit. Make sense considering you’re violently sick. And you haven’t slept very well last night now have you? Cold medicines don’t help your situation either but make you drowsier. You’re practically falling asleep on your feet now. Key, however, is an enemy from your past life under the disguise of a best friend.

You asked for a sick leave from your part time job earlier. Had every intention of disappearing the moment your second lecture ended. But no! Here you are on your way to ‘The Coffee Corner’, your workplace. The one place you’d prefer not to go for at least a year if possible. Especially not with Key. Not to be a bitch but you haven’t told her anything about Chan. Not your place after all, that’s it. He needs to manage his own shit. And of course you don’t care. Right? Just hate Key for making you do this.

And you hate her even more when you’re inside the café, seated on a secluded corner. Hiding your face from the world. Get this urge to kill her when she waves at Chan and makes him come to your table. He sits in an empty chair, greeting. Why would he be here all the time? He is the boss after all. You are a hypocrite. Selfish bitch and everything in between. How happy you were that he is here all the time, just a day ago? Now though, you want to resign. Can’t afford it much for your dismay. Hence, your polite nod and smile.

“Are you okay?” Chan asks as he takes your haggard appearance. “Huh? Oh yes never been better.” You say as you go through the menu for no reason. You know this place too well. “Yeah? You look pale though.” He ruffles your hair so unexpectedly that you nearly swat his hand away. Good thing Key decides to intervene. “She is just fine… Just starting to develop an unhealthy obsession over a someone she’s never met. Park... what was his name? Oh yeah Park Jimin” She waves her hand in the air as Chan looks at your way, surprised. You flip her away. “Fuck You. All I want is to never see him again”.

…................................................................................................

It was well past midnight when you finally went to sleep yesterday. Thanks to your best friend. You slept well, however. Thanks to cold medicine. Even had a good dream about a faceless person kissing and sucking on your neglected for years, breasts. Even started to feel aroused and wet when it all disappeared, and you woke up. Fuck! How unlucky you are to not be able to have a peaceful orgasm, even in a dream. You open your heavy lids. Close them back again. Feel like you’ve been robbed of a good orgasm. Put you in a grumpy mood. Strangely, however, you can still feel a lingering sensation on your chest. Tickles on your throat and neck. Soft, wet kisses on your….

“Holy fuck. What are you doing?” You don’t even realize it’s your hoarse voice that erupted in the room.

That room. Not your studio apartment.

Your loud voice makes Jimin lose his shit for a second time causing him to practically jumps out of the bed. “Fuck what?” He blinks at your face stupidly. For moment. The realization, however, dawns upon his face while you watch. “No…. No fucking way… not again.” He mumbles softly in disbelief, mouth agape. Takes a few steps back. You ignore his stunned expression. You’re mortified for yourself. He fucking sucked on your tits. You sit back abruptly, pulling your flimsy tank top down. Cover yourself properly under the comforter before speaking. “Did you…. Did you just fucking… suck on my tits?” You can’t even be bothered by the fact that he is in front of you again. Very much real.

He looks as if you slapped him. Scowls at you before answering. “Fuck… Jesus no woman…” You interrupt his stutter. “No? You totally did, you pervert. You were sucking on my tits when…” He interrupts your ranting. “I was sucking on my girlfriend’s tits…” He shouts while bending to your height, face inching closer to you. That, very effectively shuts you up, making your eyes go wide as you think. Of course, he was. You’re not supposed to be back in here. You really thought it all was over. Holy shit, you’re back again. It’s Park Jimin again, standing in front of you, looking at you like you disgust him. Well, he’ll be damned. Asshole.

He straightens up. Breathes heavily. And starts that annoying pacing. You hate it. “I really thought it was a damn dream.” He mumbles to himself as he stops, facing your annoyed figure on his bed. “You know, a nightmare. You were gone when I woke up yesterday.” He paces toward you again. Does he think it's news? Indeed, you were gone when he woke up and it really make sense why he thought it was a dream. But nightmare? You grit your teeth as you get to your feet. It feels awkward to gaze upward at his face as he towers over you. Makes him look intimidating. Makes you feel powerless. So, you stand proud before him, shoulders square. “Well, lucky you that you believed it was just a dream even for a day. Imagine my fucked-up situation to know it really happened. To know that you, asshole, really exist.” That serves him well.

“What’s your problem?” Jimin stops in front of you. He really needs to stop scowling that hard. Or else it will imprint on his face. “My problem?” You scoff. “I was the one who woke up to a random pervert sucking on my nipples. And then you talk like this all is my doing, my fault. Of fucking course, I have a problem. That’s my problem.” You point out, hand gesturing toward you. Will never admit his small ministrations felt so good. So good that you’re underwear is soaked now. Gosh what’s wrong with you. He doesn’t affect you that much? Does he now? He shouldn’t affect you. You need to control your primal needs. That isn’t right to be turned on. Not when he was clearly misunderstood you for his girlfriend.

You may be calling him out for that. In deep down, however, you know he messed up you with someone else. Again. That’s the part you should be blaming him for. How on earth someone will mistake their girlfriend with someone else. Even though they look like clones. Unacceptable.

“I never said that. When did I ever say that?” Jimin tilts his head to the side. Ignores the part where you talked about your tits. On the other hand, he is not affected at all. You sigh at his answer. Because, right, he really didn’t say so but it probably is his tone.

“You just called me a nightmare. That’s insulting.”

“Do you want me to call you a fairy tale then? My damn girlfriend disappeared again. She was here yesterday. You look exactly like her. If this doesn’t feels like a nightmare, then what does?”

That is a really valid point. It was a nightmare for you as well. First, Jimin and then that scumbag. Only that you knew it wasn’t a dream at all. You knew it really happened, and Jimin exists. Jimin didn’t know that. To him this might be still feels like a dream.

“And how did you exactly know it wasn't a dream?” He questions again, boring into your eyes. Makes you uneasy for some unexplainable reason. “Uhm... it was your blanket. I woke up with it.” Why does it feel like you’ve stolen it from him. “You woke up where?” Apparently, Jimin doesn’t care about his blanket. He has a fancy ass apartment after all. His questions really feel like an interrogation. Like you’ve done something. As if this is all your fault. “In my home obviously. Stop sounding like it’s my fault.” You say, pouting without you realizing it. “I am not. I really am not saying it’s your fault, okay? Just want to make sense and know what’s going on and I’m in the dark side here. I don’t know anything except you woke up next to me. Twice.” His voice is soft now. Holds up two fingers. You gasp. He has beautiful hands. You want to slap yourself. “What?” He questions looking between your face and his hand.

“Nothing” You’re quick to shrug it away. “Listen Park. I know nothing more than you do. I woke up in my apartment yesterday and went to sleep on my bed. Mine. And now I’m here. That’s all I know and why didn’t you ask your girlfriend where she was yesterday?” You think it’s a very smart question, but Jimin laughs while shaking his head. Humorlessly. Sounds more like a scoff. “Ask what? Where she was in my dream. I thought it was a dream.” He emphasizes. Puts his head back. Eyes on the ceiling. You really don’t want to be a creep, but he does that a lot. You watch his Adam’s Apple bop when he looks back at you. “Gosh this so damn frustrating” He groans. Rubs his face hard. Makes you want to swat his hand. He does that a lot, too. When did you have the time to observe him so much. “Tell me about it.” You’re equally as frustrated as him. He makes you feel like shit on top of that.

“Okay, so your apartment was back yesterday?” He goes back to his interrogation. “Well, yeah…. Wait, you still don’t believe I’m not… that we are not… like form the….” God, it feels like a dirty secret when you say it aloud. Jimin doesn’t let you finish, however. “No, I’m not. It’s unbelievable. Stop with that two-world bullshits, please.” He starts pacing again. “Explain this then Park. How am I here? Believe me when I say that I searched for you on every social media platform and everywhere else I can and it’s not like you don’t use them is it?” You want to throw a pillow at him. Jimin opens his mouth to answer your question when a sudden vibration disrupts him. You follow his gaze to the bedside drawer. The same drawers you saw a day ago. Funny, how you are not that scared of him anymore. Funny, how you’re soaked because he accidentally sucked on your nipples, clearly thinking it was his girlfriend. Fuck your life.

His phone screen, however, is black and the vibration isn’t coming from it. It’s natural to look at Liya’s phone next, and it’s black as well.

You step away to let Jimin walk toward the drawer and check the phone, Liya’s phone. Watch curiously how curious he appears. He turns toward you with a pout on his lips. Adorable. Turns away again to follow the vibration sound, tugs the comforter away. Reveals a third phone that he probably doesn’t recognize. But you certainly do. Your face lights up like you see God. A huge grin spreads across your face as you hurry toward it. “I’ll be damned, it’s mine” You mutter as you practically snatch it away.

The alarm is going off, so you turn it off before checking on your new notifications. There are none. There’s no service. You’re not surprised. Kind of expected considering you’re not in your world. It doesn't matter that Jimin doesn’t believe you. You’re certain of your theory. Honestly, you think you should be freaking out more about that, but you’re not. You passed that freaking out phase. On the day you met Jimin. The moment you actually felt suspicious of it. And then you had all day yesterday to zone out, think, think, and think. Now you’re in acceptance phase. You’re impressive for accepting the inevitable so fast. Just like how you’re moving on from a heart break, a humiliation, and a traumatizing experience. Maybe you just don’t have enough time to process things through. Even now, you have to prove this to the man who stands next to you. Who is watching you carefully. You need evidence to show him that you’re from a different world.

You stare at your phone blankly. Proof. Things that he never has seen. Pictures. You snap your head toward him. The grin on your face stretching from one ear to the other. Of course, you’re currently holding the biggest evidence to ever exist. You brandish your phone at him. “I’m gonna prove to your smart ass that I’m right.”

…................................................................................................

Proving. You definitely did. You showed Jimin every single app on your phone, even the settings. Enlightened him through every social media app you have, even when there is no service. Tried connecting on to his Wi-Fi but it didn’t work. Useless.

Shamelessly, gave him a tour of your gallery. Almost showed him every picture save for the really questionable ones. You swiped through them in light speed and grimaced at him, making him stare at you in pure disbelief. Brought his attention to the screen shots and all the products you saved there that you’ll never be able to afford.

Now, at the end of your presentation, Jimin lies on his back on the bed. Legs dangling over the edge. Eyes void of any emotions and blankly staring at nothing. You understand he needs time to process. Must be damn hard to believe this still. You made your point, however. He no longer can refuse your hypothesis of you two being a part of a mess between two worlds. You watch as he finally finds it in himself to face the problem. Sighing and sitting up. Not so impressively accepting the situation.

“This.” He points at your phone. “Makes it really worse.” Well, you agree with him on that one. It really does make it worse. You don’t know what’s next now you’ve proved your point. Hence, your stupid gaping at his frustrated face. No replies from your end. Jimin looks at you, raising his brow questionably. “We need to find a way to stop this lady. Now what?” He gestures between you two. You think that gesture ruins the meaning of his words. “Yes, we do… That’s what I want but don’t ask me ‘Now What’ because for the hundredth time Park, this is beyond me. I assure you that I don’t come here willingly.” You throw your hands in the air, shrugging. Annoyed. Jimin gets to his feet and before he starts, you know what he is about to do. “Please don’t” You didn’t mean to say that aloud nor did you mean to clutch on to his white shirt. Jimin is a little more than surprised. “Huh?” He looks like he wants to laugh at a very serious context. Halfway up to a standing position. Comical. “Don’t start pacing around. Makes me feel nauseous” You justify. He chuckles. Not really amused but it’s a fair reaction. “And why do you think I would care about your wellbeing?” He asks. But sits back, regardless. Looks at your hand still gripping his shirt. You immediately let it go as he begins again.

“Okay, fine. Here’s what we gonna do. I need us to talk about everything regarding this situation. Every possible theory on the table and then we gonna test them until we find a way to control this situation and stop it altogether.” His face is so serious to a point that you’ll definitely laugh at it if you aren’t desperate for answers as well. You can’t really afford to skip your lectures, nor can you say goodbye to your part time job. You want this to end at this moment. You have a life even though it’s pathetic. You wonder what might be happening in your world now. Has Key called you. Is she worried about you? What about Chan? Oh, this is the first time these things occur in your mind. Things about people from your life. Real one. You think you can understand the desperation Jimin feels about Liya. That makes an idea pops up in your mind.

“Hey” You turn to Jimin, who has started bobbing his leg up and down violently. He hums in reply without really looking at you. “If I’m here, you know, there’s only one place Liya could be” You think out loud. Jimin’s head snaps toward you, realization hitting on him. “Your world” He whispers, and you nod. That leads him to ask a whole lot of questions about you, your place and possible dangers Liya might be in now. You assure him that she will be fine. Your place has good security, but Jimin’s question is what will happen if she leaves the apartment. And for that you have no answer. So, you stay silent until Jimin sighs and gets up.

“Okay, I’m gonna believe that nothing bad will happen.” He says more to himself.

“Nothing will happen, Liya’s a big girl” You are good at positive thinking.

“Of course, she is, unlike someone and will not go running toward a tornado like a headless chicken.” He is good at making you annoyed.

“Well good for you, you asshole. You know your girlfriend but still can’t remember what she wore to bed last night and ended up sucking on someone else’s tits. Good thing she doesn’t have a twin.” You say aloud, not giving Jimin enough time reply before storm away from the room.

…................................................................................................

There are very pressing matters at hand. His girlfriend is possibly wandering around a strange world and God knows what might be happening at this very moment. Moment in which he watches you slurping cup ramen. Complaining constantly about him not having anything edible in his damn fridge except for, as you said, ‘ramen, which nobody puts in their fridge’. He finds you weirdly intriguing in your messy up do and worn-out clothes. Sniffling occasionally. You’re sick. Just like him.

He really is ashamed that he failed to recognize you for a second time. He thought he saw the differences. So much for never mistaking Liya. Funny thing is he does see the differences. When he watches you this carefully. He sees you as you. Not as Liya. You are Liya, but not Liya at the same time. Intriguing. Interesting. Weird.

The way you eat so fast is like you’ve been starving for years. There’s no delicacy in that. Everything Liya does is delicate, even when she walks. Like she is dancing instead of walking. You don’t have that. Delicacy. He thinks you’re still very cute however. Especially, when you peek at him through your lashes, scrunching up your nose, just to ignore him and go back to mind your own business. You have shorter hair than Liya. You appear slightly thinner than Liya. You curse too much. Liya doesn’t really curse if it wasn’t for a time she is really mad. You have a very short temper, according to how you’ve acted all these times. Make Jimin really annoyed. Your cheeks puff up adorably when you eat. You wear very worn-out clothes. Liya would faint if she saw that. Then how on the hell did he think it was Liya when he started his shameless actions earlier this morning?

He really can’t find an answer to that. Even if it was really Liya, then he might be in a position dealing with her bad mood since Liya’s boundaries are thick. She will be pissed to wake up to those ministrations on her chest. Then why did he do that in the first place. Maybe he wanted to return to something he used to have. He wants to laugh at that. In that sense, however, this is better. It’s really embarrassing because it was you. A complete stranger. Still, it’s peaceful and interesting to watch you eat. Maybe, it’s because you’re a stranger. He doesn’t know you. In the end it makes him feel awfully guilty. Guilty about watching and thinking about your adorable puffy cheeks, appearing whenever you slurp on your noodle, when what he should do is worrying about Liya. You are right, however. To say Liya will manage. She will, but it doesn't give Jimin excuses to enjoy getting annoyed at someone. As weird as it sounds, he enjoys it. He sighs heavily, catching your attention. You peer at him through your lashes.

“So…. About this two-world shit. It’s like you’re another version of Liya from a different universe, right?” He asks. Intrigued. Adds some more explanation since you look like you’re about to choke on your ramen. “I mean, you two looks exactly same, that’s the only possible explanation. Two universes? Parallel?” He raises his eyebrow at you.

“I… I… don’t know Jimin...” Even your stutter is adorable. He needs to focus. “I mean I haven’t thought about it that way... Two universes huh? Yeah, it makes sense. So...” You put your chopsticks down. Look like you just found out you’re adopted. “Yeah, that must be it... Different version of the same person.” You say nodding, before going back to finish your ramen. Jimin waits for another one minute for you to say something, but when it doesn’t come, he thinks he needs to push. See, you’re intriguingly weird. “In that case we need to find out a way to stop this don’t you think?” He says as you nod again. Finish your ramen fast. Ask him for a pen and paper.

Weird. Adorably weird.

…................................................................................................

You and Jimin make a list of all your observations. Theories that you can test. It was your idea. You don’t know why you were so surprised at his parallel universe theory. It makes perfect sense after all. Still, it feels a little uncanny to think you and Liya are versions of the same person. You have no idea about Liya. About what kind of a person she is. Is she just like you? Can’t be considering, she lives in this apartment, has a caring boyfriend like Park Jimin, even though he is an asshole to you. When you think about it, he hasn’t really been rude to you either. Not very much at least. He was panicking, and very confused. Even at that state, he saved your ass. Doesn’t matter he was thinking you were his girlfriend. He still did and even tried being very understandable toward you. Helped you calm down when you were losing your mind. You think Liya is very lucky. Think she must be the total package to pull Park Jimin. Not like you at all. She must be that better version of yourself.

You think Park Jimin is a good person, even though he has packets of ramen stored in his fridge. Even though he argued that it’s completely normal when you point out how abnormal it was. Even though he said you lack proper decorum, and etiquette in a rude tone. Said that you need to remember this is his house and you’re a guest. Said it doesn’t give you the right to nag him so much just because you’re wearing something like you live in a homeless shelter. How fucking rude! It’s comfortable at least. An asshole. But a good one.

You recap the pen and place it on the paper. Slide it toward him. “Done. Go on, read it.” You say as he takes the paper in his hand. He already knows what’s in it, but you were the one who wrote it. So, you want him to give it another go. You watch as Jimin’s eyes scan the lines. Watch the corners of his mouth tug slightly upward as he does. Tries his best to maintain the serious face though. Makes you mad that he thinks it’s funny. This is a very serious situation, like he said himself and you put your best on that paper. You watch him sniffle. He is sick. Just like you.

Jimin puts the paper on the table. Takes the pen and scribbles down something. And slides it back to you. Silently asks you to read again despite you being the one who wrote it. So, you do.

You roll your eyes. Now it’s your time to swallow the laughter that threatens to leave your mouth. Oh, the audacity to point out your grammar. You scoff. “You have what now?” You show him the paper and place your pointer finger on the last part. Tap it. Jimin rolls his eyes too. “You can��t read that word? Oh, in that case it says I have a dick!” He states as he gets up. You open your mouth but nothing comes out. You by no way, are that close enough to talk about his dick. Not that you mind it. Not if someone else starts speaking about their private parts so casually. A stranger or not. You can totally get a joke. Key is your best friend after all. But when it comes to Jimin, you mind apparently. Have no idea why? “Are you sure?” You finally come back with a retort before he leaves you alone. Jimin turns around. Smiles. Only slightly. Makes you wonder how he might look like when he cracks up with laughter.

“Yes. Last time I checked I had one. Just come and sleep please.” He turns around again. You jump into your feet. Abandon the paper as you follow him. You badly want to argue with him about that ‘last time I checked’ part but are more intrigued about ‘sleeping’ part. “You want me to do what?” You catch up to him in the living room. “Well, you travel between these two worlds when you sleep, and it switches you and Liya. And I want Liya to come back unharmed. Quickly as possible. So, sleep. Besides, we have theories to test, don’t we?” He peers at you, an amused look on his face. You nod. Understand what he says. “Okay. It’s not like that it’s hard or something.” You walk past him as you state. Turn around when you’re on the first step of the staircase. “You keep ramen on the fridge, Park. That’s a brainless thing to do.” You let your eyes fall down on his figure. Shrug. “And maybe, you should check one more time. Just to be cautious. You know?” You watch he opens his mouth, to say something or not, you’re not sure. Either way you don’t wait as you ascend the stairs, feeling smug.

…................................................................................................

Your first theory testing is to make sure that this really happens when you are sleeping. While doing that you’ll see if it has to do anything with the bed part. You claimed that this wasn’t hard. It’s just sleeping after all. All you have to do is sleep. Like a little baby. This is even a rare occasion where you get to go back to sleep after breakfast. Still with that, however, you are very much awake after spending almost 30 minutes in Jimin’s and Liya’s bed. On Liya’s side. It’s absolutely not normal for you to sleep here. But Jimin said that’s how you are going to test your stupid bed theory. Besides, you woke up here. Probably have slept in the same bed for hours. Who knows? Still, weird though.

You probably tossed and turned for hundred times now. This bed feels really comfy. So is the comforter. Then why exactly can’t you fall asleep? You’re wide awake. There’s not a sign of a drowsiness in your eyes. Your brain is buzzing with thoughts. Jumps from one thing to another. From Chan to Key, Key to Lee Seung, Lee Seung to Liya, Liya to Jimin. And stops on the last person, who is in the bathroom right now. For fucking 30 minutes. What does he do in there? Why would you care?

You groan as you sit up. This isn’t working at all. You even tried the ‘counting to100’ method, but the sound of the water running is too distractive. Nothings working and there is only one thing left to do. You need to wrap yourself in something and the only available option is the comforter. So, you pull it up. Spread it on the bed properly. Stack two pillows for later use. Lay yourself on one side of the comforter. And roll with it. Sigh in content when you’re safely wrapped. Up to your neck. Lay back on the stacked-up pillows to prop yourself higher. And wait until the dreams come to you.

It isn’t exactly dreams that comes to you first, however. But you certainly do feel like dreaming when the bathroom door opened and Jimin exits. Freezing in the doorway, eyes locking with you. In a towel. Not so safely wrapped around his waist. So low. You can see his V-line disappear underneath it. Chest bare but not the first time you see him. Only difference? Now you really see him. His honey skin. It’s ‘Never mind’, what tattooed on his ribcage. You gulp harshly. Gosh! He really looks like a sculpture. Breathtaking. Fucking ethereal. His damp hair makes everything just worse.

“What the hell are you doing?” Jimin’s voice makes your wandering eyes stop in his face. Your eyes going wide. Fuck! Did you just ogle at him like that? You’re mortified now. Horrified. Want the floor to open up and swallow you up. Why do you keep humiliating yourself? What’s wrong with you? He will never let this, go. “What are doing like that?” Jimin questions again at your eerie silence. “Like what?” You question back, eyes never leaving his figure. Mouth dry. “Like a fucking spring roll?” Jimin chuckles, pushing his hair back. Finally, moving in to the room.

Oh that?

You watch his muscles flex before you answer. Force your eyes to look away. “Ah that? It helps me relax.” Your eyes fail you as you’re looking back at his half naked figure. “Who’s the weird person here now?” Jimin walks to the mirror as he asks. “You called me brainless because I keep ramen on the fridge? It’s not even me. That’s on Liya. And you think it’s normal to act like that..” Watches you through the mirror. “In a stranger’s house? Where’s your manners spring roll?” Smirks.

“What did you call me?” You ignore all his questions. Your brain isn’t functioning properly. Watch his every action as he moves around. “A spring roll. Cause you look like one. And please stop ogling like I’m the only man you’ve seen shirtless.” He disappears inside a door next to that full-length mirror, which you guess is a walk-in closet. That makes you snap out of your entrance. You gasp. Unbelievable. Scoff. “Oh, for fuck’s sake Park! I’ve seen better, far better. I’ve seen fucking gorgeous.” You shout out aloud since you can’t see him now. Wait few minutes. There’s nothing but silent in his end. Don’t like the idea of being ignored. So you start shouting again. “Besides you’re not shirtless, you’re half-naked. Disrespectful. Have no shame...”

He interrupts your shouting as he emerges back. Is wearing pants now, and a shirt. What a shame. Buttons still undone. He points his finger toward you. Trying so bad not to laugh and it makes your lips itching to spread too. So, you bite on to your bottom lip. “You little brat.” He exclaims. “Is the one who ogled at me. You’re the shameless one. And, oh please you’ll never see anything like this.” He opens his shirt up. And of course, you ogle again. He smirks. “Take a good look, Rollito. You’ll never see something like this again.” Turns around and disappears again. You can’t argue in the end. You must be sexually deprived. When was the last time you had sex? Like real sex? Not orgasms using your own hands? You don’t even know. That’s why you find him so damn attractive. That’s why he makes you drool. Shamelessly, so. You let out a little sound of annoyance.

Changing the topic seems good for your sanity.

“Do not call me nicknames Park. No spring rolls. No Rollito. Fucking use my real name.” You yell after him.

“You are. A fucking spring roll. Rollito. You know what that means?” He yells back.

You take a moment to think. Decide that you don’t know what that means.

“What?” So you ask. Which is more of a shout than an ask.

“A little roll. In Spanish.” His voice is muffled. Of course, he would start speaking Spanish. “You know Spanish?” You are curious to know. Your throat is complaining. You’re still sick after all. Jimin appears back. “No.” Scowls at you. Gives you a look that clearly ask ‘are you that stupid?’ “I know what Rollito means. A little roll.” Comes little bit closer to the bed. Haven’t done his buttons yet. You look at his tattoo.

‘Never mind’

How come he be so enchanting. Why can’t you tear your gaze away.

“A little roll.” Jimin softly mumbles when you finally avert your eyes to his face. Enchanting. You hum noncommittally in question. He smiles.

“You are a little roll. It suits you.” Answers your non verbal question. Steps back. Slowly. Walks inside his closet. Backwards. Eyes never leaving yours. Disappears.

You badly want to argue. Instead you’re blushing. Feels your heart beating madly. Why? Why are you feel like you’ve been spellbound. You hate him for that.

…................................................................................................

An adorable spring roll. Jimin thinks. You’re strangely quite. Doesn’t know what made you shut up. Can’t help but grin to himself. You and he escalated so fast. You don’t know each other by any means. But you are sleeping on his bed. Fight with him as if you known him for years. Called him a kidnapper. An asshole. A pervert. And now Park. Something tells him that you’ll keep calling him names. Just like he’ll do. For good or bad.

He’ll call you a spring roll.

He’ll call you a little roll.

He’ll call you a lil’ roll.

A lil’ roll.

…................................................................................................

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[sca-nerd]

How did you decide on your heraldry? I’m trying to pick one out, but there are so many choices that I’m a bit overwhelmed.

I love this question, because I absolutely understand the overwhelmed feeling. It's kind of like getting your first tattoo. You have to pick something that represents you or has some significance for you, and then you're stuck with it, so you better love it.

Please keep in mind that, had my friend not been intent on fighting in Crown and wanted me to be their Consort, I probably would have taken a lot longer to register a device. But he very much wanted for BOTH of us to enter under our own colors, so that lit a bit of a fire for me.

When I started out, I knew that I wanted Vert (green) because it's my favorite color. I considered adding another color, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really wanted to keep it simple with just a color and a metal. I wanted something simple that I could replicate easily, and to me that meant fewer colors. I went with Argent (white/silver) because I look terrible in Or (yellow/gold), and I knew I would be wearing my colors. I also just... don't personally care for green and yellow as a color combo.

My Charge took a couple of different iterations. I had considered doing three interlocking or touching rings (reminiscent of the Triquetra) because of my persona as a goldsmith, the fact that I make maille, and my faith (which is important to me and my persona). I was kind of excited about the idea, because I intended to decorate the rings to look like donuts since I'm also known for my sweets baking and I can never take anything too seriously. Only there was no way I could do the Charge so that it didn't look heavily Celtic in design, and my persona is German.

Another idea I considered was a piece of toast. I have no explanation for that, except that I really love toast and I thought it was hilarious.

Fast forward a couple of months of bemoaning my never finding a Charge I like and googling Charges ideas when I was talking to someone about the Jerusalem Cross necklace I have. I explained to them the significance it had for me and specific others and how we had come to be in possession of them. I laughed and said that most of those who received them like I had didn't know them as a Jerusalem Cross, but as "the waffle cross."

And that's when it clicked for me. The Jerusalem Cross was a period design, it held great significance for me, it appropriately represented my persona, and it looked like a waffle. Perfect.

I immediately submitted paperwork to register it with the college of heralds, and it was kicked back because it was too similar to someone else's design. They said to add an argent base, so I did and it was accepted!

Here's the great thing about doing a heraldic device with the SCA, though. You can always change it and register another. Is it more work? Sure. But people change, and those things that represent us are allowed to change, as well.

I do regret the lack of donuts, though, so I might register it as a badge for my Household...