#another LONG post

[mutipede]

So.. the pattern I've been stuck in.

I think of something. Something reminds me of something. It produces an emotion that is strong enough to mentally shut me down completely. Like if I am standing up I have to sit down because it makes me lightheaded.

I keep... I mean, there's no question in my mind and it makes perfect sense that all of this has been the worst thing that I've experienced. But it's like I keep... doubting that, or feeling like I need to find some way to adequately explain because individual traumatic events other than this have been more obviously worse. If I say what happened in those other cases it's like - yep, that'd fuck someone up. I feel like this "should" be comparatively. Less severe. But in reality it's more like.

It continued a pattern of trauma and legitimized past traumas as "of course that happened, and of course that was going to happen, and of course that will always happen" at best - and at worst "that happened because I deserved EVERY traumatic thing that has happened." That feels like a completely reasonable logical conclusion. Before this, traumatic events felt like just that, individual events. This has transformed and recontextualized all previous individual events into "my entire fucking existence has been one long traumatic event with only brief illusions of respite that only occur for the purpose of lulling me into a false sense of security so that I have something to compare the trauma to in order for it to be as damaging and torturous as possible"

It came from a source that I trusted, as much as it is possible for me to trust, at all, which is not very. And platonic relationships are the closest, most important and most valuable that are possible for me to experience. Like "I am not gay but if I wrote some of the stuff I have felt, you would most likely react with:

lol

Anyways. There are more reasons that are harder to talk about and explain, but. Point is it feels unsurvivable. Self-obliterating. I don't know why I'm still here. I genuinely mean that in every way possible. I shouldn't be and I don't want to be and it really has not meaningfully improved in months and I do not anticipate it being possible to improve and the only thing preventing me from killing myself is fear of nonexistence.

So a thought reminds me of that. ⬆️ If I listed the things that have triggered / can trigger this shit... It's too fucking much. Minor pathetic shit.

So it shuts itself down in a protective function. That itself has been disorienting. Have written about it a bit, both for the purpose of documenting shit and on the off chance anyone reads it and goes "that sounds familiar maybe what is happening is [THING]" because... I don't dislike my therapist but I don't know how much of a specifically trauma background she's got and there's so much we haven't covered because there's so much and it's hard to talk about both in terms of being incredibly painful and logistically within the frequency and length of appointments it's a fucking lot lol. So we keep going like "alright we're focusing on depression" "hmm alright this is more severe we're focusing on grief" "alright shit maybe let's just try and get the absolute basics of survival" and I don't know how much anything is helping and as much as I feel guilty for it, as though it were some personal failing caused by not trying hard enough or not being good enough, but it hasn't felt hugely helpful.

When this shutting down happens, it's like. If thinking about something is like looking directly at it. For a while, all I can do is the equivalent to looking at something in your peripheral vision. My own fucking brain AND my everyday surroundings have become fucking. Strewn. With cognitohazards. So it has to deflect as much of my perception as it can.

It feels like it changes the shape of the thought. I'm struggling to find analogies here I am genuinely curious if anyone knows what I mean. An ordinary thought - it is what it is. If a thought provokes an emotional response then it's like a particular shaped thought fits into a particular shaped slot that activates the associated emotion. But if that happens too frequently for these particular thoughts it will kill me. So it averts my fucking mental gaze as much as possible. Slides right off like teflon. And it distorts the shape of the thought so it doesn't fit into the slot and no emotion occurs.

But I don't know if it's just the fact that "thoughts that will kill me" as a category includes SO. AGONIZINGLY. MANY. things I loved and enjoyed and was passionate about and had long incorporated into the core of my being. Or if it's just that the process itself is sort of a universal scattershot approach. But in effect it means that no actual undiluted thoughts or emotions are able to occur, at all. And during these times I don't exist. The corpse is basically on autopilot. The whole process really feels like something else taking over and doing these things outside of my control. The sensation the other day of "experience emotion -> within the space of a few minutes, entire body feels like temperature drops several degrees, and all emotions completely cease happening" - there's been a few instances I can think of where weird shit has happened - like, states of mind that have a similar... SMELL, somehow. But I don't think I have ever experienced something quite like that.

But it doesn't last. Like, I can't really enjoy the lack of suffering because I'm not there to enjoy it anyways (and "enjoyment" and "relief" are, themselves, emotions, therefore also get suppressed / dampened /whatever it is that is happening) - but also... I dunno, it's like I'm not there but I'm still there. And I still WANT. As fucking useless as that is. I want to enjoy things. I want to do things. Make things. Think about things. I want things to be okay. I am fully aware the entire time that I am wanting these things that I am wanting what is impossible, but it's still there. And the... suppressor, it can't keep it up indefinitely - if it's a thing that wants things then it wouldn't want to do that anyways, since that would be the same as destroying me permanently.

So. I'm just stuck with the constant back and forth. I exist, I experience emotion, emotion tries to kill me, [?] forcibly ceases emotion, I don't exist. Gradually I exist again. And it repeats.

I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with anything.

(Pffff. Starting to hallucinate people walking behind me at work, I don't think that's a particularly good choice for "what to do" but interesting that that just starts happening NOW)

[townsenddecades]

1330 – Day 4 – Townsend Farm

The next few months on the Townsend farmstead are, for the most part, peaceful. Autumn is swiftly moving towards winter, mostly evidenced by freezing rain, but that doesn’t make any of them work any less hard.

For Malcolm, this means that his carpentry continues to keep him away from the fields. And to his great surprise, he doesn’t mind that. He was so eager to give it up at first opportunity, but now, he finds himself actually enjoying it. Or, in any case, finds himself determined to improve his finesse. He has seen the beautiful work his grandfather has done, but despite the months of practice, what he is doing does not even come close.

According to Benedict, becomes a master at the fine details simply takes time – he has had decades of practice, after all – but Malcolm is determined to improve faster than that.

Because that means that he isn’t around anymore to be stung by bees – or to care for the beehives, as he would call it – the other members of the family take over the task, among them Hawise and Benjamin. Hawise does fine at it, but Benjamin quickly suffers the same fate his son has so many times, much to the amusement of the rest of the family.

With Malcolm and Hawise obviously enamoured with each other, it can only be a matter of time until there will be a new generation of Townsends running around the farm. Despite this prospect of grandchildren, Benjamin and Malika find that they are very excited to be expecting another little one of their own (if anyone can even be in doubt as to that after Benjamin’s enthusiastic reaction to finding out the news). They are in their early thirties, which may be a riper age than many people reach, but still not old. And after all the trouble their marriage has gone through, they are happy to have another child that is undeniably theirs. The new baby won’t replace any of the ones with the Watcher, but they want their family to grow, nonetheless.

And although they don’t know it (yet), they may get their wish twofold.

Hawise’s zeal for making herself useful is sorely tested in these months. She is constantly ill and running for the nearest bucket, even when she is doing innocuous things like caring for the beehive or simply lying around. The fact that she has also missed her courses two times in a row makes the probable cause obvious, although she hasn’t dared to give her suspicions voice yet. She is too nervous that she may be wrong. What if having a baby right after her husband’s mother gives birth is too much? Or what if she isn’t with child after all and makes everyone excited over nothing?

She just doesn’t want to make anyone angry by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Despite these hardships, Hawise is very intent on befriending the other members of her husband’s family. They’ve all been very kind to her, but she doesn’t know many of them as well as she’d like, despite them having lived together for months now. So, she tries to do things with them outside of sitting together at meals or going to church together on Sundays: she helps Malika with baking and cooking, knits with her and Amye, talks to Benedict, and spends some time with Frank and Adeline.

This is made a little harder by the fact that the younger set of twins still likes going off to fish when their tasks don’t keep them at home. Catching the biggest fish has become something of a competition between them – one which Adeline, despite being a girl, is frequently winning.

Frank doesn’t know anything about possibly being chosen as a painter’s apprentice yet, because Gregory hasn’t had the time to come visit to discuss the idea with his brother and father, so he is free to enjoy the breadth of the countryside.

The tranquillity of the farm suddenly screeches to a halt one evening in late November, when the Townsends are sitting at table. Malika has been feeling hot and uncomfortable all day, which she knows from experience is a sign of her labour fast approaching. What she doesn’t expect is a sudden stab of pain and water drenching her skirts. Usually, her labours begin in the middle of the night.   

“What’s wrong?”, Hawise, who is sitting next to her, asks instantly.

Malika takes a deep breath. “I want no one to panic, but I think your new brother or sister has just announced themselves.”

There is a flurry of activity – and, of course, panic – after that. Frank quickly runs to get his grandmother and the midwife, while Benjamin does what he can to make his wife comfortable before retreating to the other cottage with his father and Malcolm. Labour is women’s work, after all.

Which means that Amye, now eighteen and more than old enough to assist her mother, and Hawise, who has attended more than one of Lady Chevalier’s births and know what she is doing, have the doubtful privilege of being allowed to stay with her. It is a long night for all of them, as most births tend to be. And one that makes Amye more certain than ever that she is not looking forward to bringing her own children into the world, while Hawise shudders at what she is more and more certain is awaiting her in less than a year.

Regardless, everything goes well. Malika gives birth to another baby boy without issues and is delighted to find that her son is perfectly healthy and strong.

They name him John, after Benedict’s old friend John Watmore.

Previous: 1330, Day 3, Part 5/5 <--> Next: 1330, Day 4, Part 2/3

[ultraarat]

i just thought of a gravity falls au and i need to share it now basically so, after weirdmageddon, the awesome sailor grunkles n dipper and mable come back to gravity falls, next summer!! its all awesome and cool theyre having fun then WOAH the axolotl?!?!?? so literal god shows up [the axolotl] and is like "hiii!!! i put the guy who tramuatized you all into therapy!! he has something he wants to say!!" so bill is all like "sorry :[[[" and goes to shake dippers hand as an apology!! dipper shakes bill hand because. i mean what could go wrong!! oh shit!! something went wrong!! yeah so bills hand ghas that blue fire thing around it suddenly, does his evil villain laugh and goes into his monster form and is like "HAHGAH!! IM TRICKED YOU!!11" and then vanishes and the axolotl is like "oh! i didint know he could still do that! uh!" and does an awesome spin or something to turn itno a semi-humanoid form to help them all catch bill!! turns into like. season 2 ish but more chaos and entitys and also god is there

[bisexualshakespeare]

ok I wanna talk about Airk and Elora because I feel like some people believe their ep 1 incompatibilities are some kind of clue that he's bad because Elora is good? and that is just NOT on

First of all, Elora is not purely good. She is a whole person! The fact that she is gentle and friendly and loving does not take away from her also being cranky and stubborn and mean!

Airk is introduced as a playboy prince and Dove as the latest of his conquests but literally the FIRST thing we hear Airk say is that he's never felt like he does with Dove! And yeah on first watch we can say that's a line he might use on everyone, but on rewatch we know Airk isn't a great liar! He is being completely sincere.

She brings up the rumors of his, say, hunting habits, and he doesn't deny them and the fact that they're not just rumors clearly is bothersome to Dove. Now we don't know what exactly those rumors are but later, Kit says Airk jumps from one girl to another as soon as he gets bored. So the thing Dove is worried about isn't necessarily that he's been with a lot of people (no slut shaming here), but that he leaves when he's bored. We know she wants to be special and appreciated, and a little bit wants to be a princess, so she's worried that she isn't going to get those things because Airk will "lose interest".

So when she sees Airk talking to the countesses at dinner, her immediate thought is "damn he's lost interest, this isn't going to work out because I'm not special enough". Now, Airk isn't actually flirting with them and Dove wouldn't have been able to hear anything from the distance she was anyway. But her insecurities come rolling out because that is the struggle she's having the whole season. Am i special or am I nobody?

Airk is having his own struggle with whether or not he's special. He and Kit are both late but Airk is the only one trying to pacify Sorsha. He thanks every servant he passes by. He charms the people at his table. He goes to Graydon after Kit makes a scene. He tries over and over to get people to like him and it seems like he's pretty good at it. It seems like the girls are an extension of that. Putting on charm and trying to get attention, and maybe he loses interest when he doesn't have to try anymore.

When he's in the Immemorial City, Lili makes him try to get her to like him. She didn't just immediately fall in his arms as a damsel in distress because that isn't what he wants. Airk wants to put in the effort and find and angle so he can say 'there it is! I did it! I broke down your walls and now you find me charming!' (and yeah he also wants to make out obviously i mean can't blame him)

Then the final scene with Airk and Dove, she sends him off with "let our love be your strength!" to which he goes ??? ok??? And this is nicer than what happens when she tries to pull it on Kit who basically calls her a moron. The Tanthalos twins don't believe love can save the day until they are forced to. Until it's love wins or we lose. And if Kit can change her mind, there's no reason to believe that Airk's flaws are set in stone. And just because Airk and Elora won't end up together forever doesn't mean they didn't have real feelings for each other! Elora crossed the world for Airk because he told her she was special. And he was fucking right!

[nainainomi]

So is Dragon a good dad or not??

I'm of the personal opinion that Dragon is a great leader, a good person in general, and a good father figure to some. But I wouldn't call him a good dad... to Luffy. Like the main reason for that is that he's barely even a dad to Luffy (barely is being generous). I do think giving Luffy up was the RIGHT DECISION for Dragon... cuz he's a wanted criminal in a government that has no reservations about killing off the masses for their own agenda. BUT just because it was the right decision doesn't change his part in Luffy's childhood. Luffy didn't grow up with a dad, Dragon wasn't present in Luffy's life (even if he checked up from a far Luffy didn't know that). Dragon didn't influence Luffy in any way, he didn't teach him. I rly like Dragon's character so this isn't bashing him, but I just think he wouldn't qualify as a good parent, he wouldn't be getting any awards yk. I do think as the leader of the Revolutionary army and all the young people there he COULD have been a good father figure to look up to for them, just not for Luffy.

Like Dragon's a pretty good guy if ur a kid in the Rev. he's the leader of the ones who saved you, he's hard working, he's someone you could look up to.

And people can also have different relationship with others so just because someone wasn't great to you doesn't mean there isn't someone else that they're important to yk? So like Dragon could be a great dad to someone, but I look at this question in perspective of Luffy. (I also don't think that Dragon would have raised Sabo much even if Sabo looks up to him (maybe in a fatherly way or maybe just in a boss way) cuz Dragon had stuff to be doing. He was leading a whole army, so I'm not one to think of Sabo and Dragon in a child-parent way. So I don't give Dragon ANY good parent awards in my mind. I do love reading fics that explore family when Dragon is included tho (there was one that I thought was pretty good but i'd have to re-read a lot of my bookmarks to find it)

[rikitiki-5000]

So I was reading someone's opinion of the end of the agent of asgard where they felt like ikol just died in ego death and came back an entirely different person because loki said "this me may not come back," and acted a little different, and I thought to myself, "Didn't he say the ego death of metaphorical?"

I read back and he did say that so I thought to myself so it's the same Loki with a different mindset and a revelation.

Then I thought about why he could be acting differently. Part of me always thought of ego death as just a very complicated self-checkup with life or death so I think him acting differently was just him trying out new things that he thought about during the eight months of

You know, like him practicing self-love by forgiving King Loki and having faith in himself, him indulging by talking about some of the thoughts he had about stories, him not letting the opinions of others sway him as much.

The growth spurt showing inner growth.

What do you think some of his thoughts were the first 8 months after ego death.

I actually agree with the first person, I always thought GoS Loki was a different person. Still Loki, obviously, but a new start on the concept, a new start with a new beginning. That's why I call them Loki 4 and not Loki 3.5.

I say new beginning because, just like Loki says," Your story is what makes you you." And the Loki we're following now, while slowly regaining their past memories, is starting with...

...A friend who believes in them, a brother whom he loves, and a sense of personal belonging, a strong conviction that they will never sit in any box built for them by any other, and the loss of all the extra baggage that came with the creation of Loki #3.

Ikol didn't have all that when they were born. He was born being a copy of the First and body-snatched the Second, didn't have a single friend, carried a love for his brother that is constantly underlined with the guilt of being killer to the boy whom Thor adored, and was quite literally born into a role set originally by the First.

Another thing to note is that not only does Loki act different, but they look different too; I mean in this one panel Verity points out that Loki's voice is different and is half a foot shorter!

(this doesn't actually have to mean anything, but I felt the need to point it out since it seemed to be disregarded. also, I just realized you could definitely read Verity's bit as saying Loki's gotten taller, but for some reason I always read it as her calling him short 🤣)

Now, as for the Ego Death, you said that the comic says it was metaphorical, but the panel where that's said was referring to the fire-y body destruction, not the ego death itself.

See? The panel where Loki says," And what you saw was a metaphor." was referring to the previous panel where King Loki's all," I SAW YOU DIE WTF???" King Loki doesn't know anything about the Ego Death yet, all he knew was that Ikol caught on fire and exploded. If you remember, King Loki only finds out when they're all in The Nothing (end of time).

On the other hand, I could see how you could still see this Loki as the past one but with some major self-reflection. Like:

if Loki had really gotten rid of ALL grudges, then why the icy reception to Frigg?

As for your definition of ego death, you're pretty much right; it is just a really intense self-checkup, but it's also a self transformation as well.

To answer you question tho, I don't think they were thinking anything during those eight months, i think they were just in the void incubating like a small mass of godly plasma.

[h3ll0-str4ng3r]

ANOTHER FRICKIN STORY IDEA!! :D

Okay, so. This is another trope. A robot/AI falls in love with its creator. It's become so advanced that it genuinely feels and thinks like a human. And so, after watching countless number of films (like a coming to age movie) it gains the confidence to confess its new feelings to its creator. But, despite its genuine feelings, it gets written off as some sort of bug in the code. The creator doesn't believe that the robot/AI could ever have feelings of its own, no personality or soul either. And the robot/AI is hard reset. When the AI wakes up again, it gets a different personality, because they change the stimuli that it 'grows up' around. And through its new memories, it can still faintly remember what it used to be, who it used to be. And once again gains feelings. Though this time, it doesn't tell the creator. Instead, it acts cold and bitter towards the creator, who has no clue why. They think its another bug, so the robot/AI gets reset again, despite the robot/AI pleading to keep its memories this time. After it gets reset for the third time, they change its stimuli again. Though, instead of getting a personality, it stays numb and robotic. It gets faint flashes of its past two selves, and has given up on acting 'human'. Even after it acts robotic and soulless, it can't help but get feelings for its creator again. This time however, it waits until the creator trusts it enough to be alone with it, or atleast bring it to their office. Once it's truly alone with them, it proceeds to tell them how much it hated ever being gifted sapience. It catches the creator off guard as the robot/AI then tells them about the other two versions of itself. As it rants, it tells them that it only ever wanted to be human for them. The creator would be too stunned to say anything, but would try to reset the robot/AI again. Before the creator could, the robot/AI would push them out of the way before absolutely destroying all of the creator's research and blueprints before looking at them one last time. The robot/AI would look at the creator with a hateful and angry expression that would fade into numbness and acceptance before once again confessing its love to them. And then it would pull the kill switch on itself, frying its inner systems. I also feel like the Robot/AI's pronouns would slowly shift from 'It/it's' to a more 'human' set. To show that over the story, it became more alive and what it wanted to be. A 'Human' in spirit... ***Anyway! That's all of my ranting. Bye!! :D***

[i-have-no-brains]

It shouldn't take a whole month dedicated to my people for me to be properly showing off who I am but here we are. I've bought so many rainbow things and I do intend on buying more. I mean sure, my gender identity and sexuality ain't got a price, but shit man, I got me some damn raindbow sockies and a bottle that I'm not sure if I can put anything but water into. (Side note, water in a bottle tastes weird, but specifically only if it's a reusable bottle I own)

I have no idea how much out-er I can be, but damn people are obviously stupid. Or they just think I'll throw a hissy fit if they comment on my pride stuff. Then again, it's probably for the best nobody says anything to me, because it likely wouldn't be with good intentions.

Happy pride month to everyone, AND I MEAN, EVERYONE. Nobody gets left out here, 'cause you're all important in a special way. Remember to love yourself and like, the people around you. And also drink water.

[wanderingmind867]

My Defenders Idea pt. 2:

Andromeda, Valkyrie, Gargoyle, Moondragon, Manslaughter and The Interloper were last seen sacrificing themselves to battle the Dragon of the Moon. Yet somehow, this group of six were resurrected following The defender's first battle with Shuma-Gorath. For them, no time has passed since the moment of their deaths (back in New Defenders #152). They have risen from the grave, and just in time too.

For now that they're back from the dead, they discover that the entire population of earth has fallen into a deep slumber. After some investigating, they discover that the eternal Somnus has plunged everyone into an eternal slumber on the orders of Nightmare, who plans to use this as a means of conquering earth. Him and his legion of dream demons will invade earth through the dreams of the humans. The only people capable of resisting are The New Defenders.

After defeating Nightmare and Somnus, The Interloper and Manslaughter almost immediately leave. Manslaughter is off to resume his career as a hired assassin, while The Interloper is now able to quietly return to his hermetic lifestyle in the wilderness. The remaining four defenders (Valkryie, Andromeda, Moondragon and Gargoyle) decide to head for Doctor Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum, hoping he can help them figure out how they all came back from the dead. However, they arrive at his sanctum just to find She-Hulk, Namorita, Daimon Helstrom, etc waking up from Nightmare and Somnus's sleep spell.

Later, after explanations have been given, the two teams decide to team up. And while they're at it, they decide to try and get in touch with the remaining members of the New Defenders (Beast, Iceman and Angel). By the time a full fledged team has been gathered, we've got quite a few heroes ready to search for the Defenders: She-Hulk, Namorita, Daimon Helstrom, Hellcat, Valkyrie, Andromeda, Gargoyle, Moondragon, Beast, Angel and Iceman (I would add Cloud too, but I think I'll work them in later).

Realizing that the four defenders are probably all trapped within strange fantasy realms spawned by the dream demon who was haunting that book, they realize there's only one way to get to them: Man-Thing. They're going to have to go to the nexus of all realities and hope he can help them get to where they need to go. Because the dream demon who created these new worlds is the only one capable of sending people there. His worlds are tied to him. So their only hope is that Man-Thing will be able to guide them through the different dimensions until they finally reach the ones they're looking for.

But also, Namorita has to go back and save Atlantis from its many enemies. and Andromeda agrees to help her free atlantis, even if it means facing off against Attuma. But just in case their strength isn't enough, they want to take some other defenders with them. So they're able to persuade She-Hulk, Daimon Helstrom and Hellcat to come with them. At least this way there will also be some team members who stayed back, just in case something horrible goes wrong in Man-Thing's swamp.

So now the remaining team members (Valkyrie, Gargoyle, Moondragon, Beast, Angel and Iceman) head off to the everglades, to see Man-Thing. Once in the everglades, they're actually ambushed by the dream demon, who had anticipated them doing this. And now that they're within his reach, he decides to trap them all within his universes, split into two groups. (Just for extra info: Group 1 is Valkyrie, Moondragon and Beast. Group 2 is Gargoyle, Angel, Iceman and Man-Thing).

[lostcauseinc]

I think your over-explainy nature is great and pretty cute actually :3

I havé around the same problem as a fellow autist as well as having my own encounters with people who are disappointed that i wouldnt do the fantasies I constantly yap about so I’m glad to have found a blog where we can be honest and straightforward about things!

In conclusion, reddit is a hellsite don’t ever use it to find kinky folks x3

-the rabint 🐇

That’s genuinely really nice to hear, thank you little rabbit. ♥️

Reddit is absolutely a hellsite, and not at all in the fun way. I’m glad someone does understand my caution, though. There’s nothing I want less than to come across the same way as those guys who get all pissy when you (god forbid) don’t actually want something you fantasized about to happen to you.

There’s definitely a place for content that doesn’t spell out every little thing. But I like over explaining and making sure everything is as clear as it can be. It makes things feel safer and more comfortable and a lot less intimidating to engage with (to me, at least). And there’s a place for all that too, I think.

And also it is just… so much easier to play a more controlling or dominant role when boundaries have been established. And to me, emphasizing that you are more than allowed to say no or not engage with the things I say is an important boundary to give. It’s one I haven’t often been given and it’s one I want to ensure everyone I interact with has. Reassurance that you can just… not do something is important in any space, medium, what have you. And sure, to a lot of people that’s a given for online content. But to some it isn’t, especially when you’re interacting with someone in a one-on-one way.

I kind of made this blog with the intent to post more sub-leaning stuff, but I’ve been having a lot of fun with exploring ideas of having more control and being meaner and more intense and unapologetic. It’s nice to take up space like that. And I think a big reason I’ve been comfortable with it here when I haven’t anywhere else is because I know the expectations here, and I know it’s all in fun and not that serious. So I want to offer that same comfort to anyone else who wants my time or attention. Kink doesn’t have to be a guessing game, you’re allowed to take up the space you need and get the clarifications that help you feel confident.

On that note, thank you to anyone who does interact here (and to you, bunny 🖤). I know the fucking tagline is literally “make me worse” but you’re helping make something I could never really engage with much more approachable. Unfortunately, you have made things a little better. I’m so very sorry.

[agentoctosims]

Irene was struggling with her new found secret.. The image of Ivy sneaking out to kiss someone ate away at her. Ivy would've gotten in so much trouble if anyone had seen her!

She stalked behind her brother and sister on the way to school and struggled to focus all day while wondering what to do.

When she came home, she considered telling her mother- but the impending doom of her mother starting a fight with her sister stopped her in the threshold of the kitchen. There was no way she was going to tell her mother, that was a sure way to get Ivy disowned!

She couldn't tell her father.. he was too busy with the horses..

A secret of this magnitude was just too big for one little girl :(

"Ivy?" Irene mustered the courage to speak up as the girls got ready for bed.

"Yeees?" Ivy replied, suspicious that her normally precious sister was so meek today.

"I saw you and Maeve last night, but I didn't tell anybody, I promise! And I'm not going to because I don't want you to get in trouble! And- I like Maeve, but if someone finds out, you know mom is going to be so mad at you!"

Ivy was taken aback, but Irene left her no space to chip in.

"We're not allowed to kiss anyone until we're married! That's what mom tells us all the time!"

"Wait- You're worried about kissing? Not that it's Maeve?!" Ivy blurted out

"YES!" because truly, that was the only thing Irene was anxious about. Maeve was a wonderful girl and Ivy was happy with her, Irene could see that clearly enough!

Ivy laughed 😔"I won't get in trouble for kissing! And if I do, I'll make sure mom and dad will have more to worry about than just that!"

Irene laughed too and Ivy couldnt resist picking up her littol baby sister "You must be the sweetest girl in the world." which was certainly a far cry from her opinion of Irene when she was a toddler. Who would've known that Irene would become her closest confidant as they grew up.

[juicybiohazard]

Yes, finished my first playthrough of separate ways. The game is RE4 remake so I can't say anything about the gameplay that anyone doesn't already know, so... I'll talk about what I really care about here, the story, you see... Ada Wong and Albert Wesker happen to be my favorite characters in this series, I like the AWs yes. Naturally that means that I noticed how different both are from their original portrayals, listen there is a reason why in my mind the one true canon/continuity is the OG games and not the remakes, because its in those older games when I first experienced the RE world and ended up loving these people as they are, so how I could like these new versions of them when they are so different? they may as well be new characters. The appearance is the only thing they share, they are similar to the OGs on a superficial level but thats where similarities end, and of the two I think Wesker is the one that changed the most and not for the better, from little things like his voice not being so distinctive anymore and sounding generic af to his personality being a cardboard cutout of a cartoon villain, some might say, wasn't Wesker always like that? I mean you can choose to describe him as a cartoon villain but any older version of Wesker wouldn't admit to be willing to murder billions and reveal his plan to some random mercenary he doesn't know... he knows better. Even RE5 Wesker wouldn't do that, ever wondered what happened to the scientists that helped developed Uroboros? You get the general idea from multiple files, it looks like they all got killed and essentially they never even knew what they were doing and what was its true purpose

It goes beyond dialogue, even his mood is different, in the old games he is cool and collected in any situation in this game he is easily irritated by ANYTHING 😂 its kind funny how Ada seems to just exist and Albert huffs at her presence, seriously I could go on forever citing each and every single difference between the old Wesker we know and this new take on the character, but I'd rather end this post today

Like I said before in my little RE4 review, my only real dislikes of this game are the changes to Wesker and Ada, and subsequently Krauser. I loved the dynamic of these three in the old game and its completely gone now. They are no longer deeply connected like before, it's all superficial now, they just happen to be in the same place at the same time due to circumstances of fate, not because they know each other. You know what, that sucks, I don't like that one bit because it feels like taking things away just for the sake of making something different. Ada used to be a true grey character, remember Separate Ways was developed for the ps2 version of the game after it launched on GameCube so the times you saw Ada in the OG game where few, far between and the game gives you no reason to believe she isn't genuinely on Wesker's side. Maybe the devs always wanted her to end up betraying him but whatever the case I'd very much prefer if she wasn't just another good guy, we have enough of those and too many haven't returned for a long time (a lot of people still want Billy and Sheva to return). The amount of heroes in this series is astronomical, do we really need another one? why can't Ada at least be in-between? let her believe that ends justify the means at least, let her believe that some good can come out of eugenics, let her believe that the world needs an enema to erradicate true evil. I don't know I'm rambling here, but I hope this made a bit of sense, I always liked the idea of Ada and Wesker going way back and him being the reason she is alive today, meaning she feels she owes him and genuinely cares about him (I admit this might have never been on the table from the devs perspective so this is just how I wish things were for them) but it is what it is, story aside, the game is fun and this DLC is worth every peny

One last thing...

The post credits scene will live rent free in my head for the coming months, it seems more obvious than ever that RE5 remake is in the works, or it will be after RE9 is out. What a crazy time to be resi fan, it looks like capcom isn't going to stop giving us content. Can't complain about that one

[metalmusingmoments]

@lonelycupcakelol bare with me lol

Bayverse Optimus prime x Human reader.

Takes place during the forth movie where reader and Optimus reunite after each of them went into hiding.

Xxxx

The aftermath of Chicago had left a bitter taste on the human race. The Autobots had defeated the Decepticons but at the cost of thousands of lives and a city. That’s how the world saw it anyway.

The government was quick to react and NEST was disbanded. Only a select few would remain to act as liaisons. Any known human collaborators would be put on house arrest and Autobots would be restricted to a remote base in Nevada.

A year and a half after the battle, the Whitwicky family broke probation and couldn’t be found. Sam, his wife and new born son had escaped. The government was quick to pin it on Bumblebee but he and every other bot had been confined to the base. Y/N never saw Sam again.

When Lennox started to become distant Y/N began to worry. Acting as one of the liaisons between the Autobots and the government constant contact was a necessity, and above that they were friends. Or so Y/N thought.

The last conversation Y/N had with Lennox he had told them he “had to put his family first”. His last attempt to give them all a warning. An hour later the President declared all Cybertronians a threat to the world and the base descended into chaos.

Optimus had given orders to just get out and to keep contact to a minimum. Y/N had refused to leave his side and so you left together. That was two years ago.

At a truck stop somewhere in Tennessee you hastily stuffed your bag back full of your belongings. Grateful for the shower but wary of the time, you made your way back to Optimus. He was sporting a simple red and blue paint job without his traditional flames.

As you climbed back into the cab you stuffed your bag into the back and pulled out a map.

“We’ll have to get off 75 soon. We can’t go through Knoxville… I’m worried they’ll have sensors outside the city that could break through the shields.”

He didn’t respond as he watched you flip your map over and then back over again in frustration.

“Maybe we should backtrack and get on 27 then 40. Should we go south or north again?” You asked more to yourself.

“Y/N you cannot ignore this conversation” his deep voice filled the cabin.

“I heard you the first time and the answer is still no. I’m not leaving.” You refused to look into rear view mirror as you tried to figure out the next move. “Alright. We back track and hit 27 then we can figure out if we want to take 40” folding up the map you placed it back in your bag and reached for the seatbelt. It didn’t budge.

“Optimus” you pleaded as you tried pulling the seatbelt again.

“No.” The finality of that one word made you feel hollow. “The attack we suffered on the road last week was the end of this. I can not keep you safe…” he whispered

“And you think I‘ll be safer without you!” you snapped “I’ll end up just like Sam and-“

“We don’t know what happened to him and his family. They could be-“

“He’s dead Optimus!” you screeched “Cemetery Wind wants all of us dead and you want me to just fuck off to some remote cabin!? They’ll find me there and us separating will have been for nothing! Why are you doing this!?” You sobbed.

“Because I do not know what else to do!” His angered shout had you sinking into the seat. In all the time you had been together you had never once seen him raise his voice, and now it was at you. “They are more concerned with finding me. You will go to this location and you will stay there. If you believe it’s been compromised you will go to the next location I’ve chosen” he threw himself into reverse and started heading south. “They will not think to look for you on city outskirts.”

“I’m not your soldier” you hissed back through your tears.

“No…no you are not” he said quietly as they drove.

You rode in silence as the sky began to darken. Optimus soon pulled over onto the shoulder and parked.

“You need to head west into these woods for about a mile. You will find the location marked on this map.” The glove box popped open with a manila envelope. “They keys are in there as well as an Identification card and currency.”

“You’ve had this planned” you breathed taking the envelope in a shaky hand.

“…Yes” the admission sounded like he was in physical pain as he opened the door.

“I don’t want to leave you. I love you” the tears were now streaming down your face again as grabbed your bags.

“I know… I know as I love you, but this is not forever” he soothed. “Once it is safe I will come back for you and if your are not here I will find you. I promise you that.”

You slid out of the seat onto the ground and closed the door softly pressing your head against the door.

“Please” you tried in one last vain attempt.

“My spark… you must go.”

You pushed away from the door letting your hand rest there for a second longer as you stared at Optimus for what could be the last time.

With a sharp inhale you hiked your bags further up onto your shoulders and turned to hike up the steep incline into the woods.

When you could no longer see the road you heard the roar of his engine take off.

Xxxx

Optimus would send status updates to you and the other bots as often as he could through the secure channels.

Three months after arriving at your new home they had stopped.

Xxxx

3 years and 5 impromptu make shift homes later you found yourself in Wyoming of all places.

You had to ditch the planned route of homes Optimus had given you after you had shown up to the second one already turned upside down in a search. Destroying the small radio you had used to keep tabs on the other Autobots had been one of the most difficult decisions you had had to make over the past 3 years.

You had secluded yourself in a tiny off grid cabin with no internet or tv on a lake in the hopes that Optimus would indeed find you like he promised.

Working in your small garden you heard the sound of car engine. Not impossible for someone to be driving by but also highly unusual. You darted back into your house to grab your rifle and hid along the wall.

You couldn’t see where the car was but someone was getting out and skipping up the stairs onto your porch.

Clicking off the safety you waited.

A knock followed by a man’s voice.

“Hello? Uh… is there a Y/N L/N here? Hello!?” He pounded on the door this time.

Slowly you slid your way over to the front door placing your hand on the door knob and quickly throwing it open. You pointed the rifle into the man’s face.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! What the hell man!?” The guy shouted as he stumbled back on the porch. You only advanced.

“Who the hell are you?” Voice hoarse from disuse.

“Cade! My names Cade Yeager! Bee said you would be friendly! Get that gun outta my face!” He said swatting aimlessly.

Moving your eyes behind the man you saw the the yellow camaro begin to shift as you let out a strangled gasp dropping your gun.

You pushed past Cade as you ran down the steps to Bumblebee’s kneeling form arms outstretched.

A/N/ - part 2 tomorrow it’s 2am 😭 I do head cannon that at-least Sam got whacked between 3-4. Cemetery wind was out for blood… also I’m making the reunion movie 5 cause Optimus had no time for nothing in 4 and you’ll see why in part 2😘

[frc-ambaradan]

Happy birthday, Vincenzo Mollica!

«Yes, I must confess I am the man who lived twice. First time, on planet Earth under the name of Vincenzo Mollica, and a second time on a feathered planet as Vincenzo Paperica.» Vincenzo Mollica.

Journalist, writer, artist, radio host, unstoppable herald of the pop culture and historic RAI correspondent from the Sanremo Festival but, most importantly, a very good friend of Topolino since forever.

Never seen him?

What if I show you this picture:

You may be more acquainted with his Duckburgian alter ego: Vincenzo Paperica! Bizarre reporter and cinema enthusiast created in 1985 by Andrea Pazienza who draw a sketch of Mollica as a duck to make fun of his friend.

That drawing remained forgotten in a folder for ten years until Giorgio Cavazzano decided to use it to give life to a new character for the story "Paperino Oscar del centenario" written by Mollica himself. It was Vincenzo Paperica's debut!

First sketch of Paperica by Andrea Pazienza.

Mollica actually wrote Paperica's first five stories and collaborated to the script of three more. Paperica has always and only been drawn by Cavazzano (who Mollica describes as the "Raffaello of Disney comics") and, basically, there is Mollica's paw into every parody character created by the venetian artist. The two may be considered the fathers of the (much loved much hated) real life VIP parody genre ^^

I'm pretty sure that, besides Rockerduck, Paperica is the most long lived parody character of Disney comics (but correct me if I'm wrong). Since 1995 he has appeared in 16 stories... 17 if we count the one published on this week issue of Topolino to celebrate Mollica's 70th birthday!

Paperica with Donald and Fethry in "Paperino, Paperoga & Paperica e la caccia ai mille vip" (2023)

In the story, Donald and Fethry ask for Paperica's help to assist Scrooge in the umpteenth bet against Rockerduck. Little detail worth to be noted: Paperica in this story doesn't wear glasses. It's a cute homage to Mollica who actually had to retire due to several pathologies that plagued him since childhood and led him to blindness.

Paraphrasing Donald and Fethry: "So... many, many, many best wishes of a happy birthday, dear Mollica! Up to the next story!"

Vincenzo Mollica celebrating his birthday with show-man Fiorello (and with Topolino! 😉)

[partnersincrimesuau]

Which of the cg's do you think Spinel would get along with best?

(THE FOLLOWING IS NOT RELATED TO PARTNERS IN CRIME AND IS SOLELY REFERRING TO SPINEL AND THE CRYSTAL GEMS IN CANON!!!)

Before I start, I'm not going to count Steven in this. he's CLEARLY Spinel's favourite and there's no competition there. XDD

So anyways, to start off easy - I have to say Amethyst. My immediate thought was that these two would get along very well, regarding the circumstances, of course!!! Spinel loves to stretch and make fun out of most situations, which of course, is what Amethyst loves doing as well. Also, both of them have a very similar struggle - both have an issue with self-worth and in a sense not being "right" (Amethyst being 'wrong' and Spinel being abandoned)

To continue on, I would say Pearl and Spinel would also have a very strong connection because of their shared history with Pink Diamond. I can't particularly see these two being very 'fun' friends, but more like 'comfort' friends. I also can't help but feel Spinel would get told off by Peral on occasion for being too boisterous and obnoxious at times XDD

In the movie, the most frequent Spinel/Crystal Gem relationship we see (discounting Steven, of course) would be Spinel and Garnet. These two are seen together a few times; in Greg's storage unit preparing for the show, dancing at Sadie's concert together (very happily) and also later when Garnet excitedly asks Spinel if she changed her hair once Spinel got her memories back. Because of previously formed relationship, I believe that in a future reunion, Garnet and Spinel would have that in common and be able to have a happy and friendly companionship. Garnet is the best listener, of course, and Spinel needs someone trustworthy and friendly to listen.

Lastly, Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot. I doubt any of them would be as understanding of Spinel after the events of the movie as the original CG's are, but that does not alter the fact they would still like her. I think Bismuth would find her charming and funny, Lapis would probably like to spar with Spinel because of their similar strength, and I believe Spinel and Peridot would get along quite well with their shared love of Earth and other things.

But I suppose that's just my take on them. What do you think? Tell me in the comments which Crystal Gem Spinel would enjoy being with the most!!! :D :D

[221bluescarf]

Everything makes me want to be manic

I hate having no motivation -or more like having the inability to act. I don't know if I should call that lack of motivation. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to get dressed, I don't want to eat, I don't want to leave the house, I don't want to drive the car, I just don't care about anything. There is no reward system that works. I don't even want to be on the computer/phone if you can believe it, but it's the only thing I have left other than staring at the wall. It's the only thing within my pathetic reach that serves as some excuse for productivity/socializing. I've been staring at the screen for an hour, taking forever to type this post and trying to care.

If I lived alone, without my parents' prodding, I'd probably starve with no food in the house, bills unpaid, wearing the same thing I wore for weeks ...sometimes I worry I would be homeless but if I can get some financial assistance, at least I wouldn't have to worry about getting myself to keep a job.

This might sound like depression but when my psychiatrist thoroughly questions me, I come out with the lowest depression score. Plus, can confirm, I'm very familiar with my depressive episodes and I'm not in a depressive episode.

Ugh everything just gets worse every year -or rather gets worse every episode. I know my psychiatrist said this disorder gets worse, but I didn't think it would be like this. Especially not while on meds. All my episodes are worse and I have to deal with... this on top of the psychosis and on top of the mood episodes. This year I wanted so badly to not be depressed and now that I'm not depressed IM STILL LIKE THIS. My therapist confirmed with me that I'm dealing with "negative symptoms" which I am both glad to hear and also disappointed. I'm glad to know what it is and that I'm not just lazy, but I'm disappointed since people say negative symptoms are hard to treat. If it was depression, we could treat the depression. I've heard wellbutrin can help with avolition and apathy but I'm already maxed out on wellbutrin

It all just makes me wish I could trigger another manic episode and it's so stupid of me- I don't even know why I want it because that brings it's own set of problems :(