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thexsilentxwordsmith · 10 months ago

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Dad!Simon Riley x Fem!reader

Simon Riley: Girl Dad

From the request here ; pic screenshot from this video

“Can I come in now?” you ask, popping your head into the nursery as Simon finishes getting your 3 month old daughter Anna ready for the day.

She wriggles in his grasp, babbling away as he mutters in a hushed tone to her about keeping still for daddy.

"Ya think this is funny yeah," he teases her, tickling her chubby tummy before trying to wrangle one of her legs in his grasp.

It’s like music to his soul the way the happy talking sounds she makes touches his heart and it only makes him want to do whatever he can so that she will keep making them for him. That’s why it always takes longer than usual to get her dressed when he does it.

You crane your neck trying to sneak a peak, but his voice stops you. “Not yet,” he says and moves his body to block your view.

He doesn’t want you to see before he’s ready. The outfit is one he picked up the other night on a whim, the moment he saw it he knew Anna had to have it for today, and he wants to get it all on to give the full effect. He finishes straightening her up and tucks her body sitting up in the crook of his arm. She is content as can be being snuggled at the side of his chest, happily clapping her little hands together as they turn to face you.

“Well?” he asks, brow furrowed and body slightly tense as he waits for your critique. “How'd we do?”

You match your daughter’s vibrant smile as you see the outfit Simon’s bought all on his own: a bright yellow corduroy romper with frill capped sleeves, little socks with suns on them, and a big yellow bow to match. Your heart swells full of emotion at the sight; it’s just an outfit, sure, but it really means so much more than the sum of its parts. You know just how far Simon has come in his journey with her and it truly warms your heart to see him so smitten with the little babe this way.

When she first came home, there wasn’t a moment when Simon wasn’t on edge around her, nervous that somehow, someway, he would end up hurting her. She seemed so small to him in those first days, so incredibly delicate as she lay sleeping in her bassinet like the most perfect doll, that he was certain that someone as rough around the edges as him would never be able to be near her without breaking her and that was something he was not willing to risk.

She is his gift, his light, a treasure that came from out of all the years of heartache and hardship and he would never let anything bad ever happen to her.

It took some time and a lot of encouragement on your part, but finally Simon found his confidence and never looked back. Any chance now that he can get he is holding her, changing her, feeding her; anything and everything he can do to show her his love by his actions alone. And whether he gives himself the credit for it or not, he is doing a marvelous job.

“How did I know you'd choose something yellow?” you laugh as Simon glares at you, trying not to crack that fake tough facade.

It is becoming a pattern for him to choose yellow things when it comes to Anna. When she came home from the hospital a few months ago in that yellow onesie, it was like a flip and been switched and that was it; that was her hue from then on. It is strange, Simon never really had a favorite color before that special day and then suddenly yellow was never the same. Now he cannot imagine his life without it.

His face breaks into a smile as he shakes his head, not ready to admit that he is becoming predictable. “Come on, did I do it right or not? Just want to be sure it looks fine on her. We got a big day and I want it ta be perfect.”

Your face brightens as you look her over again. “She looks adorable, Simon,” you reply cheerfully. “You did good, baby. I think you’re really getting the hang of this dad thing.”

Looking down at her in his grasp, he beams with a sense of accomplishment and his tense shoulders ease. Parenting is not something Simon ever thought he could be good at, he never thought he would be the one with the chance at having a family, but each day he is making strides in the right direction to becoming the dad he desperately wants to be.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own today?” you ask as you watch Simon place a delicate kiss to the top of Anna’s small, wispy-haired head. “Cause I can stay if you need me to. All I gotta do is make a call and let them know I can’t go.”

Simon shakes his head and reaches for you with his free arm, pulling you by the wrist until you step close enough that he can wrap his arm around your hip to pull you against him opposite your daughter. “Ya worry too damn much, sweetheart,” he says as his hand finds your cheek, his thumb stroking across the soft skin before he is leaning his face in towards yours.

His full lips catch you in their tender embrace, a kiss that is full of emotion, and in an instant your eyes flutter closed as you relinquish yourself to him. You let all those worries fall away as the gentle touch of his lips, the heat from his breath, the passion flowing through his kiss calms your mind. He conveys so much without ever speaking a single word and in a flash you are put at ease.

Slowly he breaks away, already missing your taste the moment your lips part. Eyes still shut, he rests his forehead against yours, rocking all three of you back and forth a moment as he enjoys the feeling of having his entire life resting comfortably in his arms. You both open your eyes after a time and look down at Anna babbling away to herself, before looking back at each other. This is all still new and unchartered territory, so the both of you are working to figure it all out, but so far it has been anything except bad.

“I promise, I got ‘er. We’re gonna be just fine,” he says quietly. “Isn’t that right, princess?”

At the sound of his voice Anna turns her face to find his and it lights up as it always does whenever her favorite person talks to her. She even employs her recently-learned skill of giggling happily to punctuate that she agrees with whatever it was she was just asked, even though she doesn’t understand a word of it.

Simon kisses your forehead to be sure the worry is completely gone. “It’s just a couple hours on base and then we’ll be home the rest of tha day,” he says. “Besides, might be nice to show her off to the guys. She does look real pretty today.”

“That she does,” you agree as you quickly check the clock on your phone and with a kiss to your baby and one more for Simon you are gone, leaving the pair alone.

Simon gets to work double checking everything in his backpack that he has to bring for her: extra diapers, wipes, bottles, toys, anything he could need while he is out. It’s in his nature, years of military training has come in handy as he is prepared for it all. Satisfied, he turns back to the baby at his side. “Alright princess,” he says, “ready to go see where your dad spends all his time when he ain’t at home?”

The moment he’s walking on base, black backpack filled with essentials strapped to his back, tiny baby girl dressed in bright clothes tucked in his arms, he’s drawing curious stares from everyone he passes. This is the first time she has gone to base with him, so of course people are going to be inquisitive about things. How can they not? Simon looks like… well, Simon: intense, stoic, intimidating. Even in just his black t-shirt and jeans, with his lightweight balaclava on, he is still an imposing figure. Never one to be shy per se, Simon still does not like the attention on him, but since he is with his little angel he doesn’t care. He is proud to show off the best damn thing he has ever helped to create.

The contrast between him and his daughter he knows is jarring and Simon laughs to himself at how absurd this must look for someone like him with such a coarse demeanor to be handling such a precious, sweet thing. Who would have thought that the scary skull-masked military officer would have a family of his own? It is a shock he is sure.

“Seems we’re gonna be the talk ‘round ‘ere today, princess,” he says as he looks down at Anna, secure in his grasp as they continue on towards his office.

She is too busy looking everywhere her little head can turn to be bothered by anything. Being out and about with her father, seeing things she’s never seen before, which is pretty much everything, has her interested and engaged with the sights around her. Those small brown eyes, the ones that are a carbon copy of his, stare on as she silently takes everything in.

He makes it to his office and gets set up, grabbing everything that he needs in one tight spot as he sits Anna up in his lap with a toy for her to play with. She is content for a while as he goes through paperwork, occasionally he gives her a tickle or readjusts her on his thigh, something to show that he hasn’t forgotten she’s there with him.

Barely an hour has passed before Anna begins to whine and fuss and Simon knows what that means: she’s hungry. He grabs the prepped bottle out of the bag and walks to the small microwave in the corner of the room, warming it and testing it on his wrist before he moves back to his desk and sits back down in his chair, cradling her in his arms against his chest as he places the nipple of the bottle in her mouth.

“There ya are, luv,” he comforts her until she settles into him, “I gotcha. Daddy didn’t forget.”

Unknown to Simon, there is an unexpected guest that has just appeared near his office door, though before the person can even knock to announce themselves, they are caught by surprise at the sight before them. Johnny, who’s come to deliver something from Price, stops right in his tracks and stares at the scene before him.

He stands there, watching as Simon tenderly holds this little infant in his arms, quietly rocking back and forth as she drinks her bottle. Every now and again he speaks to her softly, the skin around his eyes tightening to indicate there is a smile underneath the mask. There is an ease to his movements as if he knows exactly what he is doing and it genuinely shocks the young sergeant. Who could have ever guessed that this would be something Simon would be such a natural at?

As Anna is finishing the bottle, Simon looks up as he feels a pair of eyes on him to see Johnny standing there, obscured by the doorframe, silently watching. He sets the empty bottle down on his desk and moves Anna to sit upright on his thigh, leaning her against the crook of his arm so that he can pat and rub her back until she burps.

“Can I help ya, Mactavish?” Simon’s distinct voice calls out, catching Johnny off-guard as he realizes he’s been caught staring.

“Sorry, L.T.” Johnny stutters out as he hurriedly steps inside the office, remembering why he is here in the first place, and sets some papers upon his desk. “Price sent these; says he needs ya to look ‘em over.”

Simon nods in understanding, his hand still rubbing the baby’s back. “Will do,” he agrees, thinking this will be the end of the interaction, but Johnny still lingers. “Anything else?”

“I heard ‘round base that ya had your little one here today. Had to come see if it was true fer myself,” Johnny admits with guilt.

“Well, ya could meet ‘er if ya like, ‘stead a standin’ there just starin’.” Simon nods his head down at the baby. “Johnny, this is Anna.”

The sergeant observes her as she begins to coo, her eyes catching the tattoos along Simon’s muscular arm, her petite fingers tapping and poking along the lines and patterns with delight as she loves to do when he holds her like this. She’s so engrossed that she hasn’t realized there is another person in the room yet.

Johnny clears his throat. “Didn’t mean ta stare, ya know. It’s just a surprise ta see she’s actually real, I guess.”

The original members of the 141 know about Anna, it wasn’t something that Simon could hide once she was about to make her way into the world, but it’s a bit jarring for the Scot to see someone that he had previously known to be so toughened by the world change so drastically. Anyone who gets close enough can see it in the lieutenant’s soft gaze: he adores the little girl and that is… interesting, to say the least.

Simon chuckles at the clear surprise in Johnny’s voice as Anna is still playing with his arm. “Bit absurd, innit Johnny?” he questions while watching her with a prideful twinkle in those brown eyes as she giggles. “Me with a kid? Doesn’t seem possible, does it?”

“Ya seem a natural ta me,” the Scot admits in awe of how easily he makes it seem, as if he was given some secret knowledge that made him know exactly what to do and how to do it. “Then again I don’t know the first thing ‘bout babies. Wouldn’t even know where ta start.”

Simon is reminded about how when he first found out he was going to be a dad he had started reading all the books, researching all the things like a good, capable soldier would, but how all of that prep was nothing in the end as the moment she came into the world everything was turned on its head. It’s not like in the books, it’s so much better and it is days like today that make it worth all the worry and fear and anxiety he had to break through to get here.

“Easier than ya think,” Simon replies with a chuckle as he moves Anna around facing forward now. “Once ya get the hang of it.”

“Don’t tell my girl that,” Johnny laughs back. “Can’t afford one right now.”

Anna’s attention is stirred away from Simon’s tattoos and towards the other man standing in the room with them. She looks up at Johnny in awe, not having much experience with others outside of Simon and you, but Johnny shoots her his classic smile and he has her giggling again in a flash.

“Well hey there Anna, nice ta meet ya,” he introduces himself before turning back to Simon. “I think she likes me.”

“It's your hair she's eyein’,” Simon points out, following her eye line.

Sure enough as soon as Johnny runs his hands over the mohawk cut into his hair her eyes light up. “Can she touch it?” he asks Simon and he nods in agreement.

Johnny falls to one knee in front of the little girl, leans his head down, and lets her put her hand in it. Her short, chubby fingers pull the strands as she laughs, the short, spiky pieces pricking her fingertips. She pulls away quickly before bringing her hand back in again, a sort of game that she repeats a few more times before Johnny gets back to his feet.

“He’s a funny one, ain’t he, princess?” Simon questions his little one as he strokes his thumb around the smile that fills her tiny, round cheeks. “Ya like him, yeah?”

She coos, her little lips forming an ‘o’ so that she sounds like a dove. That’s the closest to a yes as they are going to get.

“I sure ‘ope ya do, seein’ as I’m your dad’s best friend,” Johnny picks, looking to Simon to see his reaction.

He rolls his eyes at the statement, but stays silent and doesn’t correct him. Instead Simon opts to end the conversation there, needing to get finished here anyway so that he can get back home. As much as Johnny’s company isn’t as grating as it first was, he is ready to spend some alone time with the baby before you get back. “Well, if ya don’t mind, I need to get back to it. Say goodbye Anna.”

Johnny agrees, though his mouth twitches like he wants to ask a question, but ultimately decides not to ask it in the end. He turns to leave, but Simon guesses at what he is wanting and calls out behind him so that he stops.

“And ya can tell the others they can come see ‘er if they want,” Simon assures, “I know they’re probably itchin’ to get a glimpse of her too. That’s why they sent ya, yeah? See if I was up for company?”

Johnny turns around and nods his head. Fuck, they’ve been caught. “Will do, L.T.” he says. “Can ya blame us though? She’s pretty damn cute.”

And with that he turns back around. As Johnny leaves the office with the sounds of Simon and Anna at his back, he can’t help but smile to himself at seeing his friend finally have a bit of happiness; if anyone deserves it, it is Simon. Wait till the others see just how much things around here are going to change.

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #call of duty #ghost cod #ghost mw2 #cod mw2 #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon #ghost simon riley #simon ghost riley fluff #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #ghost #cod ghost #ghost call of duty

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justiceforvillains · 3 months ago

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CALL ME M O N S T E R

➽ PAIRING : Vampire Hyunjin x Fem Reader

➽ SUMMARY : Vampire Hyunjin has lived hundreds of years alone, only leaving his castle when the thirst becames too unbearable, so what happened when a pretty faced broken human asks to be his blood pet?

➽ WARNINGS : Mention of Abuse, body bruises and injuries, implied starvation

[How it's like Living with Vampire Hyunjin]

Note : i Don't usually like Vampire AUs but JJAM Hyunjin did something to me

There was a big dark castle just outside of the kingdom no one dares to go there, everyone knew who was inside it or more like…what was inside, the monster hidden inside away from their sight

The last time someone visited that castle was 10 years ago, and it was an army of men looking to take the monster down that was terrorizing the whole kingdom, however it ended up with the kingdom missing a whole army

A deal between the king and the monster was made that day, whenever he's hungry he will go and pick a random human from the kingdom and suck their blood, however he will only suck enough to feed his hunger and not to kill the human

He might be a monster but he does have morals, and he doesn't wish to kill someone unnecessary, so that leads him to now staring at the human who just entered his castle, he was confused only one human came?

Why would someone in their right mind visit his castle and at night at that?! were they looking for death? When the vampire took a closer look at the human he could see the torn worn out clothes, the messy hair, the bare dirty feet

He growled loudly and apparently that was enough to have the human heartbeat picking path, and falling on the marble floor whimpering loudly, the human was scared? Good he smiled maliciously it's been awhile since he last had fun

With one snap the light of the candles went out, and the human heartbeat was deliciously getting more and more louder, in a second he stood behind the human flicking the lights back on, you havn't noticed that the vampire moved behind you yet, too frozen in fear to notice

“You dare come to my castle human?” In a second there was a loud yell followed by backing up to the wall trying to get as far away from the monster as possible, Hyunjin smiled making it a point to show off his thin tall fangs, you kept staring at him in fear

“Are you just going to keep staring little one” as if on cue the your eyes widened as if they remembered why they're here in the first place, you quickly got on your knees bowing deeply making you head touch the floor “ple-se m-y lo-o-ord” the human had manners good

He chuckled darkly “what are you here for?” The poor thing shook in fear as Hyunjin got closer but you didn't dare to move you just lifted you head up eyes glossing over “p-le-ase let m-me be your b-blood pet” now that took the vampire by surprise “what?”

you couldn't hold back anymore, your tears finally fell and Hyunjin doesn't usually care much about human tears, he was used to seeing their tears, but this time it was different the human Infront of him was not crying in fear like the others, they were crying in despair what an awful smell “I will p-proof I'm worthy please just try me”

Hyunjin's eyes narrowed as he took a step closer to you "You're willing to be my blood pet? That's a bold move, little one." He smiled, his fangs glinting in the dim light.

you nodded vigorously, your eyes brimming with tears. "I-I will do anything, p-please just Take me In"

“What makes you think I need one in the first place?” “You don't like visiting the kingdom, you h-hate how the people scream” That was true; he hated how much men and women would scream as soon as they saw him. “What's in it for you?” He raised his brow.

Who in their right mind would make an offer like that to a vampire? “I don't wa-anna go back there” “What's your name?” “Y/N, my lord” “Ok, little Y/N, I want you to get in the shower and scrub off all the dirt on your body” your eyes widened, does that mean he will take you in?

you looked around, oh yeah right; you didn't know where the bathroom is. “Follow me” Hyunjin wasn't actually going to let you stay in his castle forever; he would just suck you dry and kill you, morals or not. you did trespass on his property. and he does not appreciate that.

He opened the door waiting for you to go inside, and he stood there waiting. “So?” you looked at him confused with those round innocent-looking eyes. “S-so?” you managed to say back. Hyunjin chuckled. “Are you going to shower with clothes on?”

Realization hit you; he wanted you to strip right in front of him. you looked down, no backing down. Y/N, if you disobey his very first order, he will kick you out or even worse kill you. you did say you would do anythin...

You took a shaky breath, willing your shaky hands to move and take off your tattered shirt.

you didn't dare to look at the vampire; didn't dare to see the look in the vampire's eyes once he sees how your body looked like. Once you were just about to pull your pants off, you heard an angry growl. and a door slamming you freezes; fuck now you're dead.

he was gone he left you alone in the big fancy bathroom your legs gave out as you sobbed too scared to move too scared to even think what he will do with you next

“And they call me a fucking monster!”

Hyunjin didn't believe his eyes; he only asked the human to strip to see how far they would take it, what was their breaking point. but he did not expect to see the bruises, cuts, and degrading words engraved in the human's skin.

His blood boiled he knows he's a vampire he knows humans are usually smaller than him but you were too small too skinny TOO FUCKING DESPRATE

The fact that you would rather be a blood bank instead of living with your own kind made him Furios, he knows he shouldn't care but this whole thing was just unexpected

Now he fucking knows why this little human wanted to be his blood pet; why they wanted to leave that fucking hell hole and live with a vampire.

✦ Masterlist ✦

[How it's like Living with Vampire Hyunjin]

#stray kids hyunjin #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin stray kids #hyunjin skz #hyunjin vampire #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x y/n #hyunjin angst #stray kids angst #stray kids #vampire hyunjin #Hyunjin JJAM #hyunjin reactions #hyunjin fanfic

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justagalwhowrites · 5 months ago

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Halcyon - Ch. 14: Me Too, Baby

Joel helps you. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 13, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT! Unprotected P in V sex. Fingering. Childcare struggles. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 6.7k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Joel wasn’t sure what he expected to find at his front door at almost midnight on a Friday night but it wasn’t you with a screaming baby in your arms.

“Please,” you said again, your eyes red and wide and there were little rivers of mascara that ran down your cheeks.

“You’re OK, Goldie,” he said. “I’ve got you, you’re OK.”

He moved without thinking, just taking the carrier gently from your trembling hands. He had to almost pry it away from you, your fingers clinging to it like a life raft. He carefully tucked the handle over his arm and put his other arm around your shoulders, guiding you into his house because he wasn’t sure he could trust you to just walk in all on your own.

“I’m s-s-s-,” you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to contain the racking sobs that were making your whole body shake. “I’m sorry, she just… she won’t stop crying and I can’t get her to eat and…”

“It’s OK,” he said gently, taking you and your wailing niece to the kitchen. He set the carrier gingerly on the table and took you by the shoulders. “Goldie, when did she last eat?”

“I… I don’t know,” you said, getting worked up again from what little calm you’d managed to gain only moments before. “I got her to take some of a bottle earlier but not enough and that was… that was… what time is it?”

He looked you up and down, frowning. He’d known things with Anna and Ellie were bad but he’d never seen you like this, never seen you out of control like this.

“It’s OK,” he said. “She’s probably hungry…”

“I know she’s hungry!” You snapped before you gasped and clamped your hands over your mouth, new tears welling up in your eyes before you pulled your hands away. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s not your fault I can’t take care of her, I…”

Joel hushed you gently and wished he could just hold you for a while, get you to breathe, but that would have to wait until after he got Ellie to settle.

“I’m going to feed her,” Joel said calmly, his hands still on your shoulders as he guided you to a chair at the kitchen table. “You sit, it’s OK, I’ve got you, both of you.”

He went to the pantry and got one of the cans of formula he’d picked up from the store earlier that day. You’d texted him the night before after getting home from Ellie’s appointment, worried that the doctor hadn’t told you anything useful. He remembered the formula struggle with Sarah, how it took what felt like a small eternity for the pediatrician to tell him to change what he was feeding her when it seemed like all she would do was cry and all Joel wanted to do was take whatever was hurting her away. He didn’t want to put anything else on you and Anna so he just picked it up, planning to bring it to Anna’s tomorrow afternoon.

He made the bottle quickly as you sat as his table, a glassy look in your eyes as you stared straight ahead and Ellie cried. He tested the formula temperature on his skin before going and taking Ellie delicately from her carseat.

“I hear you, baby girl,” he said quietly, tucking her into his body just so. He angled her head and, after some coaxing, got her to take the bottle. She was still breathing in little, worked up huffs but she was eating, quieting as she did. “There you go, you’re alright.”

“How did you do that?” You sniffed, drying your eyes on the backs of your wrists.

“We’ll see how she does with it,” Joel said, looking over at you. “Sarah was real rough early on, too. Wouldn’t eat for the life of her. Turns out she was allergic to somethin’ in the formula and it was upsetting her stomach and there was something about the angle I was holdin’ her at too… anyway, I got some of the formula that worked for her, figured I’d try the way I held her, too.”

You just nodded before looking around yourself for a moment and then frowning.

“What?” He asked, watching you was he walked slowly with your niece, bouncing her gently as she ate.

“My bag,” you said, looking around. “I think I left it in the car, I wasn’t thinking, I wanted to write down what you were doing but I don’t have my notebook and I’m not sure I’ll remember it and…”

“Goldie,” he said gently. “You’re alright.”

You nodded and teared up again before closing your eyes and taking a deep, trembling breath.

Ellie drank most of the bottle and fell asleep before finishing it. Joel swayed with her gently as he set the bottle on the counter.

“Are you OK?” He asked, still moving with the baby in his arms to make sure she was good and out of it. You nodded quickly. “Good. Where’s Anna? Why do you have the baby?”

“Anna…” your lips quivered and you hiccuped. “She… She left.”

“What?” He gaped at you. “What do you mean she left, where is she?”

“I don’t know,” your voice was thick and wet. “I don’t know if I should call the police, I’m afraid if I do they’ll find her all drugged out and arrest her but I wouldn’t even know where to start…”

“What happened?” He asked, straining to keep the concern out of his voice. You were already close enough to a panic without his help. “Just… start at the beginning.”

“We had Ellie’s appointment yesterday,” you said, taking a deep breath. “It didn’t go well, the doctor said he wanted to see us back in less than a week because she’s lost weight. Anna told him she’s been trying everything but… I don’t know, it felt like he didn’t really believe her. I took her home and said I would stay over last night but she told me no, she wanted to do it on her own… so then I went home and I was working and it was late and she texted me to see if I was home and then a few minutes later she texted me to check my porch and I did and Ellie was there, she was just there, in her carseat with her diaper bag and the can of formula and Anna was gone, she was just gone, I called her and she answered and told me she’d be back but I have no idea where she went or who she’s with and…”

“Alright,” Joel cut you off before you fully panicked. “It’s alright, you got Ellie, it’s OK.”

You just nodded again and he watched you for a moment.

It was so unnatural, seeing you this way. You had always been so remarkably certain in his mind. You were the smartest person he’d ever met, you always had the answers, you knew what you were doing with your life. You had talent - so much goddamn talent - that it had never even really been a question. You had a path and the drive to find your way through it and, while you’d stumbled in some things, you were still you. This wasn’t you.

“OK,” Joel said, the baby’s breaths having settled into the steady rhythm of deep sleep. “I’m gonna go set her down. You go to my room and sit down, OK? Sarah’s asleep, this hasn’t exactly been quiet…”

“Sorry,” you said softly.

He gave you a look.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I’m glad you’re here and comin’ here was smart. Just that I don’t want you feeling like you need to explain this to my daughter right now. We can deal with that in the morning once you’ve gotten some sleep. Now. My room. Go.”

You nodded and got up slowly from the table and Joel walked behind you, up the stairs and down the hall. You went in his room and he went into the room he’d pretended was going to be an office when he’d bought this house even though he knew he’d never have a job that required an office. Instead, it had turned into a storage room for shit that wouldn’t do well in the garage and that he was too lazy to move to the attic. At least, it had until Anna had gotten pregnant. He’d cleaned it up then, getting Sarah’s old nursery stuff out of storage and cleaning off the cobwebs and the dust. He’d even set the crib mattress at the height that would be best for Ellie at this age, feeling like a dumbass as he’d done it - why would you be taking your newborn niece to his house? - but he was grateful for it now.

He set her gently into the crib and she scrunched her face for a moment, like she was considering wailing again, but then she relaxed and settled there. He turned on the baby monitor - also from Sarah’s infancy, he’d been amazed at the technology in them now when he was helping you pick one for Anna - and pocketed the receiver before he crept out of the room, closing the door almost silently behind him.

There was a glow of light from around the frame of his bedroom door and he tried not to think about the last time he’d shared a bed with you, how you’d both ended up when you had.

He went to the kitchen and got one of the biggest cups he could find - one of those tall beer glasses he’d gotten at some Oktoberfest thing Tommy had dragged him to one year - and filled it with water. He grabbed a snack sized pack of almonds he had for Sarah’s lunches and went back upstairs, taking a deep breath before opening the door to his bedroom.

You were sitting at the foot of his bed, your arms folded and clutched around your stomach as you stared straight ahead.

“Hey,” he said, more to say something than to actually say that. You looked at him, like you’d only just noticed he was there. You’d cleaned up the streaks of mascara. “Here, guessing you’ve eaten about as much as she has today…”

He set the receiver to the baby monitor on his dresser before he handed you the almonds and sat beside you on the bed, his legs stretched far out in front of him. You opened the small bag and poured a few nuts into your palm before putting them in your mouth as though they were a handful of pills.

“This too,” he said as you chewed, handing you the water.

You nodded and took the glass, your fingers brushing his as you did, and you drank in big, desperate gulps, Joel’s hand coming to rest at the small of your back, slipping below the hem of your shirt to find the soft of your skin there and when he did, the tears started again, less overwrought and more like a release of some deeply held pain.

“Talk to me,” he said quietly. “What’s going on.”

You looked at him then, cheeks wet and eyes red and he just wanted to take you away from everything that had ever hurt you.

“I can’t do this, Joel,” you said softly.

“Goldie…”

“I can’t,” you said it with such certainty. “I’m going to ruin this baby, I’m going to ruin her and she’s going to be stuck living with my inability to take care of her the way that she needs. She’s going to be the one who has to suffer because of it, not me, her and she doesn’t deserve that, Joel, she doesn’t! And she’s… she’s so tiny and perfect and she deserves someone who can give her everything and I can’t. I wish I could, I would do anything for her but I can’t and…”

“What makes you think you can’t?” He cut you off as you started to edge toward hyperventilation.

“Look at what I’ve done so far!” You stood up so fast it made Joel flinch a little. “I’ve had her not even a day and I’ve already failed her! Anna trusted me with her daughter and I’ve done nothing but fuck up! I wasn’t good enough to help Anna when she needed me and she had to leave to stay sane and she left me with her fucking kid and I…”

“Why do you think this is on you?” Joel cut you off, watching as you paced, resisting the urge to just hold onto you, giving you a chance to work some of the nervous energy out. “Babies… they’re fuckin’ hard sometimes, they just are. They can’t tell you what’s wrong, they don’t really understand it themselves, all you can really do is try and figure it out and yeah, sometimes that’s a lot of trial and error…”

“Trial and error that I am not built to do!”

“Why do you say that?” He asked, not able to keep from touching you any longer. He got up and took your shoulders in his hands.

“Because it’s true!” You looked at him, your lip quivering and you seemed so small in that moment, like he could gather you up and carry you with him forever.

“Why?” He asked. “Baby, you’re not makin’ sense, you need to explain this to me because I’m fuckin’ lost…”

“You really think I’m someone who should be looking after a child?” You asked, eyes wide.

“Yes!” Joel said, baffled, looking you up and down like there would be some physical indication of whatever defect you were talking about. “I’d trust you with Sarah in a heartbeat…”

You scoffed.

“Why shouldn’t I?” He continued like you hadn’t made a sound at all. “I’ve told you before, I’m glad you’re in her life, I’m thankful for it every damn day! She needs someone like you - hell, not someone like you she needs you, why wouldn’t she?”

“Because I’m too selfish!” You all but screamed it, closing your eyes when you did.

Joel had the strangest urge to laugh. It wasn’t funny but the concept was so ridiculous he didn’t see what else he was supposed to do.

“What?” He said instead.

“I’m not capable of doing what it takes to take care of a child,” you opened your eyes and looked at him, pleading. “I’m just not, it’s not in me…”

“Do you not want kids?” He asked, brows raised. The question stung, as if you’d want kids with him either way so it didn’t matter but it didn’t sound like you. You liked kids. You always had. He didn’t understand.

“What?” You looked back at him, so baffled that it calmed your crying. “No, of course I want kids but it’s not a good idea for me, you know me you must know that, you must see that, you…”

“No,” he cut you off. “I don’t, I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby, you’re not making any damn sense and…”

“I’m not capable of doing what is necessary for a child!” You said. “I’m too… I’m in my own head all the time, in my own head or on the page or anywhere else but I’m not reliable enough or nurturing enough and he knew that and you must know it, too and…”

“Who knew it?” Joel said. “I still don’t…”

“Gale!” You choked on his name and Joel’s hold on you tightened. “He knew, maybe you’re just not close enough to me now to see it but he could see it, he could see me and he knew that I would ruin a baby and I’m ruining Ellie, I’m ruining Anna’s baby, I ruin everything and I’m trying, I’m trying so hard but I just can’t!”

“You’re not ruining anything!” He said, eyes searching yours. “That… that fucker? He didn’t see you, Goldie. He never did.”

“Joel…”

“He didn’t,” Joel said, his grip sliding up and over your shoulders to your neck, your face, holding what felt like the world in his hands. “He never saw you, Goldie girl, never. He saw someone he could fucking manipulate and use but he never saw you because you… Fuck, baby! You are everything and he doesn’t get to take that away from you! You… you are brilliant and fucking beautiful and you are one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. You couldn’t ruin anything if you fucking tried and that… that fucking guy doesn’t get to tell you otherwise! Understand?”

You just stared at him for what felt like an eternity, your face held firm in his hands, your tears on his palm, and the next thing he knew he was kissing you.

Your lips were desperate on his, more than he’d ever felt before. You kissed him in the same way you’d fucked yourself against him in the hotel, that moment he would have given anything to go back to and given anything to take back.

He hadn’t been able to get it out of his head the days he was away from you. He’d made himself come over and over to the memory of you pressed tightly against him, hoping it would eventually work its way out of his system and he could go back to thinking of you as Goldie, his best friend who he loved more than almost anything, not the woman he couldn’t look at without wanting. After three days, he gave up. He just hoped that, some day, it would fade and he could find a way to move on.

But now your arms were around his neck and your body was pressed tight to his and your tears were on his face and your kiss tasted like almonds and salt and he knew there would be no coming back from this. Not for him.

He guided you back toward the bed, turning you so your legs were against the mattress and you eased yourself down onto it, fingers tangling in his hair, your lips never leaving his.

You moved back toward the middle of the bed and Joel moved with you, one knee coming onto the mattress and then the other, one between your legs as he tugged your shirt up and over your head, casting it aside on the floor. You pulled at his and he helped you take it off, breaking the kiss with you long enough then to watch as you deftly unhooked your bra and slipped it off, the straps sliding down your arms, the cups the last thing to leave your body and then you were bared to him there, the plush fullness of your breasts and curve of your waist and the way your eyes looked up at him round and deep and needing him in the way he’d always dreamed that you would.

“Joel,” you whispered and he kissed you again, his hands trying to go everywhere all at once. He needed to touch you everywhere, memorize everything, take all of you into himself in a way he never had with another person. He’d had the chance with you once before and he’d squandered it, too lost in the fact that everything was intense and new to really understand that it was happening with you. He had the strangest desire to swallow you up. To let the essence of you dissolve on his tongue like sugar so he could taste you and hold you within himself forever.

Instead, he found satisfaction in your skin. You were so soft below his touch and his fingers lingered on the small things it felt like only he could know about you, little swells and creases, things he was sure you would worry about him noticing but he loved them. All these little things that made you human, made you you and he wanted to know them all. It felt like he already should.

Your hips rocked up against him and you whimpered against his mouth as his hands skimmed over your waist to your breasts and he took them in his hands, marveling at just how fucking good you felt. Nothing had ever felt this good, nothing should feel this good but you did. It seemed forbidden, somehow, like it had the morning after prom and you both realized what you’d done. But even that cold memory couldn’t take away from this moment, here with you, warm and soft beneath him.

He pulled his lips from yours to kiss down your cheek, your chin, your throat, taking a nipple in his mouth as he cradled the warmth of your tit in his hand, sucking and licking at you, making you gasp and your back arch. Your hands trembled as they found his shoulders, sliding slowly over his skin and down his back like you were savoring him the way he wanted to savor you.

Joel kissed over your skin, trailing his lips and tongue along to your other breast, tasting that one, too, as you took a shaky and desperate breath below him. He kept going down your body then, working his way gradually lower until he reached the waistband of your jeans. He unbuttoned them and slowly, carefully, unzipped them, hooking his fingers around the denim and the soft cotton of your underwear but your hands met his and he lifted himself from you enough to look you in the eye.

“Want me to stop touchin’ you?” He asked, praying that you wouldn’t say yes.

“No,” you whispered but you still looked uncertain.

“Trust me?” He asked, watching you closely. You nodded quickly. He leaned forward to press a soft, lingering kiss above your navel before looking back at you. “I’ve got you, baby. Don’t worry.”

“Please,” you said softly, your voice shaky.

He turned back to the work of pulling off your clothes, tugging your pants down with you lifting your hips from the bed to help. Joel stood as he bared the last of your skin, your thighs pressed tightly together, feet propped up on the bed, your arms covering your stomach as best they could.

“Can I see you?” He asked as he opened his own jeans. “All of you?”

“You,” you closed your eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. “You want that?”

“I do,” he said. “More than anything.”

You straightened your legs gradually, relaxing them as you went, your hands sliding slowly, almost sensually over your stomach as you did.

“Want you to touch yourself,” he said as he took hold of the waist of his pants and the top of his underwear. Your eyes went wide. “You… you ever think about me when you do?”

“Yes,” you whispered and you closed your eyes again, swallowing harshly. “All the time.”

“Show me?”

Your hand trembled as you slipped it between your thighs, brushing over your clit for a moment before moving lower, the heel of your palm pressed tight to the top of your slit as he watched, entranced, as your finger slid inside yourself, whispering his name as you did.

“Fuck, baby,” he breathed as he watched you, your other hand moving to take hold of your tit, squeezing it and he had to remind himself to move instead of just watching you do the things he was ashamed to admit he’d dreamed of you doing.

He stripped and ran his hands over the inside of your calves to your thighs, opening your legs to him, his eyes all but locked on the way you were working just a single finger in and out of yourself. His hand covered yours and you gasped, freezing when he did.

“Keep goin’,” he said, gravel in his voice. You swallowed, hard, but obeyed and, when your finger was all but fully outside of your entrance, he covered it with his own, the wet heat of you on your own skin intoxicating.You slowly, firmly, pressed back into yourself and he followed your lead, his thicker, longer finger pushing in alongside your own.

You moaned as he did, the sound seeming to come from deep within you as he slid inside, something almost broken about it. He moaned, too. He couldn’t help it, already lost in just how goddamn warm and tight and wet and soft you were inside and he thought, for a moment, maybe he hadn’t imagined just how good it had been with you so many years ago. Maybe it hadn’t been all in his head, some memory gilded by the haze of youth and by his inexperience and by the fact that it was with you. Maybe being with you was that much better than everyone else he’d ever touched.

“I’ve got you,” he said and you nodded, slipping your finger out of yourself and Joel felt you completely grip some part of him for the first time in so long and he groaned at it, watching where part of him disappeared into you.

He worked you slowly, firmly that way for a minute, until your hips were moving almost of their own accord and he could feel the softest parts of you on the tip of his finger. He added another one and felt you stretch a little to accommodate him and you whimpered as you took him, one of your hands groping your own tit, the other twisting in the sheets as your legs fell even further open. He scissored his fingers apart inside you, opening you to him and your back arched and you ground yourself down on his hand, your pussy tightening around him.

“That’s it,” he said, not even caring that he sounded out of his mind with need. “C’mon and come for me, you’re real tight, need you to come.”

“Joel,” you panted. “I… fuck!”

“I’ve got you,” he said gently. “It’s OK, just let go for me, don’t hold back, never hold back with me, just let go.”

You turned your head and buried your face in his blankets and moaned as you fell apart and he couldn’t help but watch where his fingers were inside you, how your body fluttered and clutched at him, how your chest rose and fell, how your back arched, how fucking beautiful you looked when - for just a moment - he was able to drive every worry from your mind.

He worked you through your orgasm, his fingers stilling inside you as your walls did and he pulled himself from you slowly, gently, his skin shining with your pleasure before he spread it over his cock, harder than he could ever remember it being.

But when he looked to your face, your eyes were wide and uncertain and he felt his stomach drop.

“Is this what you want?” He asked quietly. “Because…”

You nodded quickly, cutting him off before he could finish.

“I want you,” you said, sounding breathless and fucked out. “Please, I want you so bad.”

He nodded then and moved the head of his cock to brush over your slit, trailing up and down and thrusting a little against your swollen clit. He gently, reverently, spread you open for him, exposing your grasping entrance to him and he had to resist the urge to press his lips to you there, to slide his tongue inside and devour whatever pleasure you would let him take. But he was already afraid that this wasn’t going to last as long as he wanted and he didn’t want to risk coming before he was even inside you.

Joel spread one hand on the soft of your stomach, the other fisted his cock as he pressed himself into you, a moment of resistance before he was enveloped in your tight, wet heat.

“Fuck,” he panted, watching where you were joined, just the first two inches of him inside you but you moaned all the same and suddenly, he wasn’t nearly close enough to you, there was too much of your skin he wasn’t touching. He looked to your face and you seemed to have the same thought he did, eyes wide, pupils blown.

“Please,” you whispered, like wanting him was a secret. “I… I need…”

“I know,” he said, covering your body with his own, one hand slipping below your back to hold you tighter to him, the other finding your thigh to pull your leg against him. You closed your eyes and nodded, a blissed out look on your face. “Me too, baby.”

He drove himself deeper into you, memorizing the way your body opened for him as he fit himself into the cradle of your hips and he was aware, suddenly, he hadn’t put on a condom. It had been years since he’d been inside someone without one - since the night Sarah was conceived - and it was a heady thing, realizing that there was nothing separating him and you. But instead of any underlying fear or spark of wrongness like he’d felt years ago with Sarah’s mother, he just felt right. Like this was how he was supposed to be, a part of you, breathing the same air and feeling your throbbing pulse and shuddering breaths from inside. You opened your eyes then and looked at him, your gaze locked on his as he filled you totally, feeling his head brush the back of your channel. You tilted your hips just so and he moaned a stuttering moan and marveled at just how clearly he could feel you like this.

He kissed you then, your mouth warm and soft as he ground himself deep inside of you, you grinding your hips up against his, your hands on his back, fingers pressing into his skin as he worked himself into you. He was reluctant to pull back even a little, the satisfaction he found from being this close to you too short lived. Almost immediately, he needed more, he needed closer, he needed you to let him inside your skin where your blood pulsed and lungs filled because anything short of that was not enough. Instead, he kept himself buried to the hilt within you, totally enveloped by you, the wet of your come making a sticky mess of him and he didn’t care. He hitched your leg higher, found ways to be deeper, bodies in total alignment when he pulled his mouth from yours to move to your neck, kissing and sucking at the delicate skin of your throat.

“Joel,” your fingers grew tighter on his back, like you wanted him impossibly closer, too. “I’m going to come, I…”

“Not gonna last when you do,” he said, his own climax already so much closer than he wanted it to be. He wished he could spend hours inside you like this, pulling orgasm after orgasm from you. “I…”

“Don’t leave me,” you tightened your leg on his hip, your arms pulling him so close to you. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Not leaving,” he said, fucking into you a little harder, pressing as deep as he possibly could with each and every motion, brushing his lips against the skin of your throat. “Never leaving, you’re OK.”

“Joel,” you said again, your fingers going from his back to his hair, pulling his face from your neck. Your eyes searched his for a moment before you pulled his mouth to yours and kissed him, rocking your hips up against him before holding them there and he felt you come apart then, in a way that seemed like your entire being was throbbing around him so hot and tight it almost hurt before he gave into his own orgasm, his fingers pressing deep into the softness of your thigh, the small of your back, holding you as close as he could as he emptied himself into you.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever come that hard in his life, not even his first time with you 15 years earlier, pulse after pulse reaching from somewhere deep inside himself to give it you. Because, he reasoned, damn near everything that was him belonged to you, anyway.

Joel collapsed when he was done, trying to be conscious of his weight so as to not crush you beneath him but his mind and limbs were buzzing and he couldn’t seem to manage anything beyond just existing inside you for a moment.

After a minute, though, he came back into himself. He lifted his body from yours slowly, gently, you still breathless below him and pulled his already softening cock from your warmth, a thread of your come and his still connecting your bodies until the tie broke.

He lay carefully beside you, watching you closely, waiting for you to panic or run. But you didn’t. You turned your head to look at him, your eyes ranging over him and you felt so far away. He didn’t like that.

“Here,” he said, nudging you onto your side with the arm that was still below you so you were facing him. He pulled you closer before brushing your hair back from your forehead, your eyes closing as he did. “I’ve got you, OK?”

You didn’t say anything. Instead, you pressed yourself close to him, your face buried in his shoulder and your arm hooking around his back and he trailed his fingers up and down the path of your spine as he felt you fall asleep in his arms, feeling like you and him were right where you belonged for the first time since prom.

May 2008, the Tuesday after prom

Why was Ricky always fucking late?

Joel was pacing below the stadium, his footsteps echoing ominously off the concrete. Ricky’s last block was free, too. He told Joel he could meet him here, he said he’d come as soon as he was done with class and where was he? Not fucking here, that’s for damn sure.

He pulled out his phone and checked the time. There were only a few minutes left of the school day now and this wasn’t a conversation he wanted overheard if he could fucking help it.

“Goddammit,” he muttered to himself, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

“Sorry!” Ricky ran over, hiking his backpack strap up on his arm and looking back over his shoulder. “Ran into Kasey on my way out and she was a little pissed I wouldn’t tell her what the fuck I was running off to do so this had better be good…”

“I need your help,” Joel said, looking around him one last time, as though anyone really gave a shit about what he’d be saying but still. “And I need you to keep your mouth fucking shut about it, OK?”

“Sure, man,” he said, frowning. “Stays between us, what’s goin’ on?”

Joel crossed his arms, his thumb worrying at his elbow and he paced, his tongue in his throat now that he had to actually fucking own up to this.

“You and Kasey,” he said, watching Ricky. “You two are fucking, right?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I mean we’ve been dating two years, I’d fucking hope so.”

“Right,” Joel nodded, his stomach in knots.

“Jesus, Joel, look like somethin’s eating you alive,” Ricky said. “What, you get herpes or something?”

“What?” Joel gave him a look. “No, Jesus, I just…”

He paced for a moment before coming to a stop in front of Ricky.

“You know I went to prom with Goldie, right?”

Ricky frowned and said your name, something that sounded so familiar but so foreign to Joel.

“Yeah,” he continued. “Y’all looked good together.”

“Right,” Joel nodded, then quickly added. “Thanks…”

“So,” Ricky said after a minute. “What about it?”

“Well,” Joel ground his teeth for a moment. “Well we… we had sex.”

“Oh shit!” Ricky laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “Good for you, man, she looked hot as fuck that night. She good? I bet she’s good, she looks like…”

“Hey, fuck you!” Joel yelled and shoved him. “Don’t talk about her like that!”

“Woah, sorry, fuck!” Ricky said, his hands up. “Didn’t mean anything by it, she just looks… anyway, what’s the problem? You’ve had a thing for her forever, right?”

“Yeah, but,” Joel said, his voice low. “I didn’t use a condom.”

“Oh shit,” Ricky said. “Why not? You’re a dumbass but I didn’t think you were that much of a dumbass.”

“I didn’t have a condom,” he hissed. “It’s… it’s Goldie. I didn’t think that was going to happen, not in a million years did I think that was going to fucking happen and I just…”

“Just what?” He asked.

“What if I fucked up everything for her?” Joel asked. “What do I do? What if I got her pregnant? You and Kasey must have talked about that shit, right? Had a scare or… or something? My mom checks the fucking computer at home and everything at the school is blocked so I can’t even Google this shit…”

“Shit, man,” Ricky sighed, his eyes wide. “We haven’t had to deal with that. Fuck knows we’re not perfect about condoms but she’s on the pill. I don’t know if there’s even a clinic around here, I could ask Kasey, she might have some friends…”

Joel just nodded, still trying not to panic. It felt like he’d been on the verge of panic since the morning after prom and realized what he’d done. How had he done something so fucking stupid? How had he been so goddamn reckless? With you of all people?

He’d taken the fucking sex ed classes - which was more than his mother had ever said to him, only ever saying “just wait until you’re married before you go thinking about that” - and he knew that it only took one time, one time of him being a fucking idiot and giving in to what he wanted so bad he thought it might swallow him whole if he didn’t to ruin everything. He knew he might have gotten you pregnant and it wasn’t fucking fair that it was your life that would get wrecked because of his stupid fucking choices. He’d trade places if it were possible, make it so he was the one who had to go through all the bullshit and get all the stares for becoming a teenaged parent but it was always worse for girls. He wasn’t stupid, he’d seen it at school and he couldn’t handle seeing that happen to you. Especially if that meant you needing to drop out of college and derail your entire life, everything great you were going to do, because he’d fucked up.

“Well, hey, at least it’s her, right?” Ricky said, pulling Joel out of his own head. Joel just looked at him. “Could be worse, at least if… you know. At least it’s your friend.”

“No,” Joel shook his head. “It’s Goldie. I wish it were anyone else. It’d be better if it were anyone else.”

Joel heard signs of people nearby and sighed.

“Shit,” he said. “School’s out… I need to go try and find her, pick up Tommy…”

“Maybe it’d be better if you gave it a few days with her,” Ricky said, looking Joel up and down. “You’re freaking out, man. You’re only gonna freak her out, too. Just… Calm down, get your shit together, then talk to her. It’s not like she’s going anywhere, right? I’ll help you come up with a plan just in case but don’t talk to her while you’re freaking the fuck out. It’ll just make it worse.”

“Right,” Joel nodded. “That’s… you’re right.”

Ricky clapped him on the shoulder again, giving him a friendly shake.

“Y’all will figure it out,” he said. “If anyone can, it’s you two.”

Joel nodded, trying to sort out his thoughts and figure out if he even could actually stay away from you any longer than he already had.

But, he thought, Ricky was right. You were the smartest person Joel knew and, for you, he was pretty sure he could figure out anything.

Next Chapter

A/N: Alrighty, I think we have most of the missing pieces to the Goldie disappearance now, right? Yeah? Cool.

I hope this chapter was worth the wait! I know it's been a long time coming for these two and they certainly still have a LOT to work through - the angst is still gonna be angstening for a bit yet because it's me BUT at least they got this far. Thanks for coming along for the ride! I really couldn't love and appreciate you all more.

Love you!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #smut fic #the slow burn finally paid off omfg #halcyon #fucktacular

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idksmtms · 11 months ago

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Cillian Murphy Masterlist

Cillian Murphy

Oneshots

Cillian Murphy & Y/n L/n | Actors on Actors - (Cillian Murphy x young actress!reader - coming soon)

The two biggest movie stars of the summer sit down to discuss all things acting, the success of their movies, and... possibly flirting with each other?

Golden Globes - (Cillian Murphy x reader)

Written from the perspective of press and viewers of the golden globes; how cute are Cillian Murphy and his girlfriend Y/n L/n?! From the red carpet to his acceptance speech, look at what a mesmerising couple these two make!

Was it Just the Movie - (Cillian Murphy x young actress!reader - coming soon)

While filming a dark romance movie with Cillian, the line between costars and lovers begins to blend. Do you really love each other or is it just the movie?

Meet the Kids - (Cillian Murphy x younger!reader)

It's finally time for the kids to meet Dad's new girlfriend. Cillian thinks they don't even know that he's started dating again, and decides to sit them down for a conversation. The kids already know who it is and more. How is this going to go?

Series

Year Abroad - (Cillian Murphy x younger!reader) - coming soon

After a last minute accident, the Murphy family decides to host a pair of University year abroad students as a favour to a friend. Neither Cillian nor Y/n is expecting to find such camaraderie in someone so different to themselves. (I promise it's better than the summary makes it sound...)

evermore series

1. willow 8. dorothea 12. long story short

AUs

Don't Jump in the Mushroom Ring - (Fairy King!Cillian Murphy x human reader - coming soon)

There's a reason people tell their children not to jump into a mushroom ring. They say it's a portal into the world of fairies. The only way out? Judgement handed by the king. You were curious. You jumped in...

A Gift from the Sidhe - (Hurt Human!Cillian Murphy x fairy!reader - coming soon)

After a dog walk in the woods ends with Cillian hitting his head and passing out, he wakes up a few hours later fully rested with not an injury in sight. Something doesn't sit right with him, and he returns to the spot the next day, happening upon something he only knew from Irish folklore...

Plié, Jeté, Relevé - (Ballet Master!Cillian Murphy x Ballerina!reader)

You may not have been the best ballerina in the company, but you worked hard. Ok maybe the last couple of weeks weren't the best evidence for this but in your defence, there's a lot going on in your life! And maybe Mr. Murphy doesn't appreciate lazy, slacking, ballerinas...

Emmett - A Quiet Place Part II

Silence - (Emmett x younger!reader)

Who cares about propriety? Everything is gone.

Tommy Shelby - Peaky Blinders

Request: The Comeback - (Tommy Shelby x reader, Tommy Shelby x Grace Burgess)

After Grace shoots Detective Campbell and runs away, Tommy ends up marrying you to further Shelby Company LTD. He doesn't expect life with you to be as amazing as it is. Nor does he expect Grace to return...

Jonathan Crane - Batman Begins

(Coming soon)

Raymond Leon - In Time

(Coming soon)

Robert Fischer - Inception

(Coming soon)

Jim - The Delinquent Season

(Coming soon)

Lenny Miller - ANNA

(Coming soon)

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johnwickb1tsch · 10 months ago

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bittersweet ~ a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... Part 7 all chapters

I knew the pleasure of vexing and soothing him by turns; it was one I chiefly delighted in.

–Jane on Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

-It's no real mystery, why you dig out your beloved old copy of Jane Eyre. From the early 1900s, it had seen better days when you’d scored it in the local used book store, many years ago. You’d been a teenager then—and those days were long behind you. It seems you never outgrew your liking of a dark and broody anti-hero.

It’s safer to read about it though, than pursue the real thing.

Lately every time Mr. Wick comes into the shop you feel slightly agitated, as though you don’t quite fit into your own skin. You remember the sensation of his fingertips on yours, like a burn.

Mr. Wick sees you reading your tattered novel on your break, but doesn’t comment. You’ve seen him with old classics in hand and reckon he must be something of an aficionado.

You put it away in your shoulder bag in the back after the break.

The next day, it’s gone.

You know you left it in your bag. Where the fuck could it have gone? Why would someone fucking steal it?

A couple of weeks later, it reappears on the counter by the register you favor.

You hardly recognize it at first, for it has received an encompassing makeover. It has new leather covers with gorgeous embossed gold lettering, and marbled end papers, and the tattered thread of the binding repaired. There are gilded arabesques on the spine and delicately drawn climbing flowers on the cover. You wouldn’t have even thought it the same book, if not for the intricately printed title page unique to your edition, with an old pencil mark in the corner you recognize.

Such a restoration would have cost a fortune.

You knew, because you’d looked into it.

Further compounding the mystery, there is a beautiful jacquard embroidered ribbon bookmark inside. It’s on the page where Rochester has sat Jane down in the arbor, and is telling her that she has rejuvenated him from his unhappy existence without actually admitting anything, asking in the most roundabout way possible if it would be so very bad to take a second wife who would make him a new man, while his first is still living, the big idiot.

“Is the wandering and sinful, but now re-seeking and repentant, man justified in daring the world’s opinion, in order to attach to him for ever this gentle, gracious, genial stranger, thereby securing his own peace of mind and regeneration of life?”

Jane tells him, of course, that a man shouldn’t base his redemption on another person, but within himself. You are not sure you would have had the strength to speak so frankly to a man you secretly loved.

Well, maybe you would.

You are utterly mystified by the whole thing, to say the least.

But later, you are browsing the local book store, and the owner is reading Anna Karenina in what looks like freshly bound leather. The style looks familiar.

“Did you have that restored?” you ask, feeling like Nancy Drew hot on the trail of a fresh lead.

“Yeah, that new guy in town, John Wick did it for me. He says he’s just a hobbyist, but he does amazing work. Usually you have to send off to Florence for quality like this, seriously. It’s a dying art.”

Darren lets you look at the book, and you are impressed by the craftsmanship.

The spine decoration matches yours. There is a plate in the back that proclaims: Bound by John Wick.

The sneak.

You are touched to the tips of your toes, your heart filled with butterflies. Was the bookmark purposely left on that page, or just a random placement?

You hardly dare hope, and tell yourself it’s an invention of your own fancy. The gift of the book is magnificent enough. No need to further muddle things with secret communications that aren’t really there.

The next day you approach Mr. Wick’s table with hands on your hips, affecting annoyance. “You stole my book.”

He actually has the grace to look sheepish about it, casting those lovely dark eyes downwards.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks. I really love it.” It’s the understatement of the century.

He looks up through his hair, the surprised sparkle in his eyes taking your breath away. Suddenly, he looks ten years younger.

“Yeah?”

The corners of your mouth twitch. This man speaks like he’s paying five cents per word, you swear. “Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me you bind books?”

He just shrugs, and you cannot help but laugh.

“I’ve never owned anything so fine. Thank you, truly.”

He nods again, and you sense that you’re maybe making him uncomfortable with your gratitude. You suspect it’s not why he did it at all.

“Will you show me sometime? How you do it?”

There is a flash of something dark in his eyes before he turns his attention back down to his own book. It feels like dismissal, but you have no idea what he’s hiding underneath it all.

Still waters run deep.

“Anytime you want,” he offers as you turn to go.

You smile at him over your shoulder as you go back to your station, a secret lightness fluttering in your heart. On your break you flip through your refurbished book once more, taking even more pleasure in it knowing that John poured over every detail of it. You don’t know much about bookbinding or leather work, but you suspect he freehanded the little flowers on the front, and that moves you to your toes.

You flip to one of your favorite scenes because you find it so funny, when Jane puts out the fire that nearly burned Rochester up in his sleep, because undoubtedly he’d drank too much earlier to easily rouse, the lovesick scoundrel. Afterwards he doesn’t want her to leave but can’t outright keep her in his room without behaving an absolute blackguard.

“Strange energy was in his voice, strange fire in his look.”

You cannot help but glance up at your tall dark bookworm in the corner, an aching warmth spreading in your heart for the sight of his furrowed brow, his concentration (you think) focused on the tome in his hands.

You know you are a ridiculous thing.

#john wick #john wick x you #john wick x reader #john wick x y/n #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves #john wick fic #bittersweet john wick imagine #yandere john wick #yandere! john wick #yandere john wick x you #i nerded out so hard on this chapter im soorrryyyyy!!!#jane eyre

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owlsie-hoot · 1 year ago

Text

You only realise what you have until it's gone - paralells 02x04//04x03

#ACGAS 2020 #all creatures great and small #siegfried farnon #audrey hall #siegfried x audrey #parallels that hurt and rip out your heart #he is so alone and I want to hug him #acgas #this episode was painful but good #it was lovely to see audrey so happy but then siegfried stood there all alone #POOR MAN!#suddenly everyone is gone and has someone in their life and he does not #how will he cope?#will Audrey notice?#but we also don't want her to pity him... and he wants her to be happy #OH this is a mess!!!#also: I cried again #Sam West is just soooo good this series #and Anna Madeley does things to me....

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darlingsfandom · 4 months ago

Note

stalker lenny miller x neighbour younger reader PLEASEE

You got it friend ✨

tw: stalking, stealing, he’s a creepy pervert!

not proofread.

“Hi Mr. Miller!” Rang in his ears making him turn around to see you standing there waving with your mail in your hand.

“Hi sweetheart, how are you?” He gave you a small smile. You walked across the yard in your little slippers since it was early morning.

“Pretty good! Love that we’re having colder morning again.” You smiled at him which made his heart skip a beat. “I wanted to give you your mail last night but you must’ve been asleep.” You had a few pieces of junk mail in your hand. Lenny’s job kept him busy and gone for days at a time so he had asked you to collect it for him.

“Thank you, I can always count on you!” He took the mail out of your hand making sure lightly brush his finger tips against your fingers. To say Lenny enjoyed you was an understatement. He watched you, everything you did he knew about it. Lenny had access to you 24/7 and you had no clue about.

“Do you want to come in for some coffee? I just made a fresh pot.” Lenny asked.

“That would be lovely.” He put out his arm for you to loop around. Once he had you inside he couldn’t help but think about how he could just keep you here, but he knew now was now the time. He helped you sit on the stool in front of the island in his kitchen.

“Sugar?” Lenny put a mug in front of you that looked similar to the one you had in your own kitchen. It was a simple red mug with black polka dots, what was even funnier is the fact that his mug had a chip in the handle just like yours!

“Yes please !” You put your hands in your lap as he poured the coffee for you. A small smile appeared on your lips before a quiet “thank you” left your lips. Lenny leaned on the opposite side of the island sipping his own coffee watching how you drank your coffee.

“So anything new ? How’s grandma doing over there? Better ?” Lenny asked.

“Eh nothing new. Grandma is grandma you know. We do our afternoon walks, she still does her bird watching from the porch but you won’t believe this… we went for the early bird special last week and she got flirty with another old man!” You giggled making Lenny laugh with you.

“Grandma still has it going on eh?” He laughed before the both of you made that face that said “ew” .

“Well at least one of us does.” You sighed into your coffee.

“Oh please, you’re beautiful Y/N, you could get anyone you wanted. You’re also smart, caring, funny and a very polite young lady.” Lenny spoke up making you stiffen as he moved closer with each word.

“Oh! Umm thank you… for everything , I gotta get going.” You jumped off your stool and quickly made your way back into your shared home with your grandma. Lenny watched carefully how you went back inside. He knew what he was doing. He didn’t care , he found it funny that you didn’t question why he had your coffee cup in his home, you didn’t notice that he had picked flowers out of your garden and put them in his kitchen.

That moment in the kitchen played in his head over and over as the days passed. You still smiled and waved at him when you crossed paths that you knew of. Lenny had taken some time off work to relax after his last mission with Anna or so he told his boss but it meant he could watch you more. He’d do normal things like take out his trash, check the mail, went for runs shortly after or shortly before you’d go on your walks, he’d even take up bird watching or so everyone thought! Why else would he have binoculars ?

It was the night you had just taken your grandma over to stay at her friends house because even in your eighties you still stay with your friends and to be fair she was just around the corner and Lenny caught out to this. He watched you pull into the driveway, lock the car and settle in for the night. He always thanked his lucky stars that his bedroom faced your bedroom window, well it was your grandmas storage room until you moved in with her to help her out seven months ago also known as when Lenny started stalking you.

You were mindlessly undressing in your room, tossing the dirty clothes into your hamper and walking into the bathroom to shower . Lenny had about twenty minutes to spare before you’d be done. He toyed with the idea for about thirty seconds before he was walking over to your home. The extra key was under the painted rock , of course he knew that! He let himself in quietly tip toeing along the carpet towards the stairs that for his sake were also carpeted , but he was still going to be smart about it.

The running water filled his ears when he passed your bedroom. He had to be quick , Lenny snuck into your bedroom and went straight for the hamper to steal another pair of your panties. He couldn’t take the ones you just had, that would be too obvious so he dug until he found an emerald colored pair and quickly ran off after making sure nothing else looked different. Once he was back downstairs Lenny took a deep inhale of your panties before he looked around your living room to see you had a magazine spread open , he arched an eyebrow and grabbed that too. It was a porn magazine but he didn’t care! It had your scent on it. The water had turned off and that was his signal to leave so he did, put the key back where it was and made his way back to his own house to his room and looked to see you standing there drying off completely clueless that he was just in there.

You finished drying off and turned to face to the window completely unaware that Lenny was watching you. You grabbed the lotion , put some in your hands and rubbed it slowly onto your tits which Lenny rubbed his dick through his pants watching you do your nighttime routine. He didn’t care that he watched you , stole your stuff or sent you some gifts. He sent you flowers at home and work, but the funny thing is… you never told him where you work just what you did! Lenny also sent little stuffed animals and he could tell you liked those because he seen them sitting on your dresser and what is even funnier is that he put a little bit of his cologne on the toys, so how you never made the connection ? You were as naive as he hoped.

Watching you day after day, week after week, month after month , Lenny was more than invested in you. He loved you. The gifts kept on coming, but he was careful not to send the same type of flowers or chocolates. He would watch from his kitchen window in the mornings to see you grab the paper from the porch and hoped you were in a tank top but it didn’t always happen.

“Mr. miller !” You waved at him with that same pretty smile he’s grown to love.

“Hello Y/N! How are you?” He asked throwing his trash into the trash can just like what were you doing.

“Good good, hey I know this is a long shot but have you seen anyone around ?”

“You’ll have to explain a little more my dear.” Lenny raised an eyebrow.

“Well you see I’ve been having these gifts dropped off on my porch and I just… I’m confused. There’s no notes or anything just a vase of pretty flowers!” You crossed your arms before looking at him with a sigh.

“I wish I had an answer for you dear but you know I’m not always home and when I do get home it’s pretty late, anyone crazy enough to deliver flowers that late.. “

“Yeah you’re right but it’s just strange because it’s always my favorite things like they’ve studied my brain or something.” A dry laugh left your lips .

“Maybe an ex lover ?” He shrugged .

“No no, haven’t had a boyfriend or girlfriend since high school! Hard to date these days.” You scratched your head before shrugging.

“Tell you what, I’ll keep my eyes open from now on and if I see anything I’ll tell you soon as I see it.” Lenny gave you smile that made you smile back before saying goodnight and heading back in. He had to run back in and double check the order for the newest gift he had.

His collection of you had grown full of your panties, magazines, only two coffee cups because those were too big to play off, some of your chapsticks, he even bought the same lotion you used on your boobs so he could have your scent on his hands at all times. You were his! But only he knew that and he liked it that way for now!

#lenny miller x you #lenny miller #anna #Lenny miller blurb #Lenny miller Drabble #Lenny miller x reader #Cillian Murphy #emsblurbs

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breachverse · 7 months ago

Text

Breach: Chicago War Zone - WIP Update 18 - 26th of August 2023

... This one's actually been brewing for 6 months, so... 1 Million Words folks!

Update 21 has been released! Last public upload was pretty much a year ago so, I'm very sorry for the long silence, a lot of the updates have been mostly in the private testing phase on Patreon, but I am here with a bunch of fixes and hangout updates.

But most importantly... We've passed the 1 Million Words mark... My fingers are tired. ❤

You may play it on the link below.

Breach: Chicago War Zone (Updated)

DEVELOPMENT LOG#21 (15-April-2024)

(B2.1.1.24.4.15)

Alpha - 21

Fixed something here, fixed something there, fixed something everywhere

SideModule: Fixed Justin's hangout background

SideModule: Fixed Hayne's hangout background

SideModule: Added Anna's 1st hangout

SideModule: Added Charlie's 1st hangout

SideModule: Added Kaz's 1st hangout

SideModule: Added Carly's 1st hangout

Stats_Page: Added Archangel crew background notes

UniModule: Added 7 new weapons to the shop

MISC: Added AA-12

MISC: Added FAMAS G2

MISC: Added HK G36C

MISC: Added SIG MPX

MISC: Added PP-19 Vityaz

MISC: Added Ultimax 100

MISC: Added SR-25

COMPLETED: Chapter 3 Part 1 of The ARC branch (100%) (PT only) W.I.P.: AA Hangout Part 1 (86%) W.I.P.: AA Store system (85%) W.I.P.: FBI Hangout Part 1 (46%) W.I.P.: FBI Store system (65%) W.I.P.: Stat screen upgrade (40%) Word Count: 1,007,622 words including codes (Last update was 971,142)

I'll be completely honest, when I started Breach 2 I knew it was going to surpass 1 million words. I just didn't think it would take this long. Through numerous challenges, both in writing and in real life. Through numerous ups and downs, I'm absolutely surprised and grateful to know that there are people out there who still support me. I've had many thoughts, numerous times, to give up and move on to other things in life, but I didn't want to disappoint, so I kept writing.

I bring to you, the 1 million milestone update. It's really not much, but it is one step closer to completion. This update has been in the works for the past 6 months mostly due to the weapons rework and also story changes for the crew members that I apparently couldn't keep track of without a giant excel spreadsheet. This update finalizes the Archangel's Gamma Crew hangouts, which is Kaz and Carly's hangout as well as Anna and Charlie's hangout.

As before, they share the same storyline so they will both share the same hangout. If you choose to go out with one, you cannot go out with the other. Kaz shares it with Carly, and Anna shares it with Charlie. Keep that in mind. Oh, and there's 7 new guns to play with. Have fun, Ian.

This update does not include the new Chapters. Chapter 3 will still be Patreon exclusive until Breach 2 finishes and I can send the demo to the public testing, and to CoG for the full release.

I really cannot reiterate how grateful I am to have an amazing array of readers and supporters who are still here after numerous hiccups and fuck ups. Thank you all, so very much.

Much, much love. - Max ❤

Link to the CoG Forums

I also have a Discord server!

As always feel free to drop however many screenshot feedbacks you'd like, either in the forums or in our Discord channel!

#breachverse #breach update #breach: chicago warzone #choice of games #interactive fiction #bcwz #breach the archangel job #if wip #choicescript #hosted games #cyoa #dashingdon #if game #interactive novel #breachverse news #btaj

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yanderefairytales · 1 year ago

Text

Queen Elsa Headcanons

Might write a full story on my Quotev [Both a Genderbend version and Normal]

Reader is Genderneutral

She was very mean to you at first

Say you were a guard or worked for the royal palace

You were mistaken as a guest during Elsa's coronation and were dragged off a lot from your work

Even Elsa mistook you for a guest

^She caught you alone and it was so awkward

^ You both looked at each other and you were holding some food on platters

^ "Hungry yeah?"

^ You were confused at first, until you realized she didn't know you were a worker and thought you were a guest eating all the food. "Oh no, I'm not-"

^ "I'm not going to judge you, I don't care."

^ You tried correcting her, but she just kept misunderstanding and then she started revealing stuff to you. You felt bad, because it seemed like she was in a vulnerable place

^ "This whole thing is dumb. None of these people cared when my parents died, yet here they are now. I guess it's easier to be there for the good times than the bad." She remarked, not looking at you

^ You were taken aback, though you didn't necessarily disagree.

^ She looked at you, before apologizing, saying that was rude of her. You shook your head, telling her it was okay, you didn't mind.

^ "I like you. You're nice." She laughed, blushing

^ "You have a nice laugh. I like it."

^ She blushes, before thanking you

When it was revealed she had ice powers you were just as surprised as everyone else, but in hind sight it made sense why she was so on edge

You were forced to go with Anna by Hans, because he saw you chatting up with Elsa [You were a risk to his misson]

You tried convincing Anna that maybe Elsa needed time alone

^But she wasn't listening to you

When you did make it to Elsa, she was very angry

She was yelling and telling you to leave and take her sister with you

^ "She can be the queen, I don't care"

^ "This isn't about her being queen. She loves you Elsa and she wants you safe-"

^ "You need to leave. I don't want to hurt you-"

^ "Then don't!" You yell, but Elsa was furious and she accidentally hit you

She didn't mean to, but it was bad

Thankfully, Anna had found a guy, Kristoff, and he brought you to the trolls

^ But they couldn't help you

Anna felt bad and confronted her sister about it or at least she tried. Elsa knew she had gotten you and she didn't need her sister making her feel worse

You just wanted to go back to Arendelle, especially if you were going to die

Elsa tried to talk to the trolls and they told her that Anna and Kristoff took you back to Arendelle

Though, before she could get back, she was captured and imprisoned

Anna tried helping you, but Hans turned on you both and locked you in a room

"He's going to kill your sister." You told her and while Anna tries to stop you, you go looking for her sister

Anna calls your name and ends up finding Kristoff to tell him what happened

You find Hans holding a sword, about to swing at Elsa, calling her a murder

But you freeze just in time and you defend her, breaking Hans sword

Luckily though, Elsa does end up bringing you back, though without even realizing she was in love

She hugs you tightly, profusely apologizing for everything, before realizing how to get Arendell out of winter

Hans was exiled, instead of imprisoned, because Elsa didn't want him anywhere in Arendelle

You become part of the royalty, because Elsa makes sure to include you in everything

After you saved her life, she saw you in a whole new light

Granted, she already kind of liked you, but now she was scared to lose you again

She gets so nervous around you and her sister notices and confronts her, but Elsa alimentally denies it

But Anna just needs one slip up and she eventually gets it

Elsa was watching you all lovingly and didn't realize her sister was behind her

"Staring at Y/n?"

Elsa was embarrassed that she had gotten caught and instead of fighting it, she decided to ask her sister for help

Cue Anna playing Match maker

You and Elsa have become very close, so it won't be hard to get you two together

And when you both do together, Anna is so happy because she's never seen her sister so happy and extroverted before

#queen elsa #elsa x reader #elsa of arendelle #yandere elsa #yandere fairytales #fairytales #queen elsa x reader #yandere elsa x reader #frozen #yandere disney #disney #disney x reader

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thefaithfulnightwriter · 5 months ago

Text

Dracontine - Chapter One

[^ the gif above i found on Pinterest so rights go to rightful owner ^]

❝ She is very rare. She is what you call a Dracontine. Meaning she belongs to a dragon. But in her case, she does not belong to one but three. ❞

Summary - In which a young female hides who she truly is from everyone and stays to herself. Keeping to her chores as a servant. Staying hidden was her main task while taking care of her three dragon eggs that were bound to her. But many things change when she has to stay Under the Mountain with many others. What she didn't expect was that she would meet her mate. Who happened to be the powerful High Lord of Night Court. Then soon later on she would find she has another powerful mate. The Spymaster of Night Court who was a Shadowsinger. She soon finds herself having to break out of her shell with the help of her mates and their family. Along with finding out how to navigate two bonds with two powerful mates. Also, while taking the title as Dracontine. Being she is the one who belongs to not one but three dragons. All while trying to survive a war.

Pairing - Rhysand x Female!Oc/Mc/Reader x Azriel

Universe - pre acotar - acowar [it may go into an au after acowar not sure yet though]

Series Warnings - DRAGONS (yes that is a warning lol), Gore, Death, Characters may be a bit OOC, Mature Themes, Semi Smut, Violence, Language, Mention of Past Abuse, War, Things Will Be Changed, Fluff, Angst, Some Sensitive Subjects, Mating Bonds, Poly. Relationship MxFxM (Side Note - Rhysand & Azriel are in a relationship or are mates to my Mc they will not be together), More Will Be Added If Needed. (Please do not read if these are triggers)

Disclaimer - I do not own the series ACOTAR - ACOWAR. I do own certain characters, and I own my mc. I do own somethings that are made up. And i own my writing and whatnot you get where im going and what i am saying lol.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

A smile was upon the lips of the little female fae right now. She had long dark brown curly hair that fell to her waist. Dark brown eyes so dark they looked to be an onyx color. Light brown smooth skin and dark freckles that littered it. She was a beautiful child. She was only a young fae though only being in her mid teens.

Right now, though she was asleep and dreaming. She loved being in her dreams. It was always peaceful for her. Her life outside her dreams however was not. She had a rough life. Even though she was young she still understood what was going on around her. She was born to be a servant in the Autumn Court. Her mother was already teaching her the things she was supposed to do as a servant.

But she wasn't thinking about her life at the moment. No right now she was enjoying her peaceful dream.

As a soft giggle escaped her lips as she skipped beside an older male in her dream. She was holding his large hand with her small one. Swinging their hands back and forth. As she hummed and looked around her. It was a beautiful vast meadow. But she soon smiled widely when she saw the familiar red dragon not that far away laying down in the grass. She was soon letting go of the male's hand and running towards the dragon.

Once she was close she skipped faster to the dragon. Once she was in reach she went and ran her hands against the red dragon's scaled neck. Which led the dragon to growl softly with affection. As she allowed the child to pet her. Anna was enthralled with the dragon. That she didn't hear the chuckle from the male nor see him smile at her fondly. She was so happy and content as she ran her hands against the dragon's neck. That is until a thought came to her mind. She was then turning to the male behind her with a curious look upon her face.

"Grandfather Cade when can I tell everyone about you being in my dreams, and about Crimson being here too?" She asked with a sigh. She desperately wanted to tell her mother and most definitely her grandmother about the dreams she has. She wanted to tell everyone about her great grandfather Cade and his dragon Crimson. She wanted to tell them what they look like, what it was like to fly in the sky upon Crimson's back, and about her being the next Dracontine.

"Well little one I want you to tell them when there is proof," Cade told his great grandchild. Cade didn't want her to tell anyone just yet about him and Crimson. These dreams he cherished and kept them close to his heart. Though he was dead, coming into his great grand daughter's dreams was something that the Mother allowed. Which he was grateful for. He was so happy to have a connection to his family, and even more overjoyed that the next Dracontine was going to be his great granddaughter who was in front of him. She was so kind, so caring, and warmhearted. She kept such innocence and affection. Even while she was going through many things at such a young age. Living the life of a servant.

"What do you mean?" She questions him with a tilt of her head. As she leant her back against Crimson sliding down to sit on the ground. Looking up at Cade with curiosity and wonder. She wanted to tell someone so bad about her dreams, mainly her family. But her grandfather wanted her to wait.

"When you find your dragon eggs. Then and only then will be the time. When you are allowed and will be able to tell the family about these dreams. About me and Crimson. But only tell our family Annamarie. Like I said before they will know what to do. You remember what I told you before?" Cade explained to Anna. As he sat down beside her. Which led Anna to crawl over and sit sideways in his lap. Leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Yes grandfather I remember. One day the Mother will guide me to my three dragon eggs. And once I find my eggs and touch them I will change. Which I have to keep hidden. Then I must tell the family and only them. Then I must hide my eggs and make sure no one finds them. But I need to keep them near me and warm with my new abilities. It will take them years to hatch. And um oh yeah. Then when the time comes I need to go Under the Mountain as a servant. Wherever that is. Then everything will fall in place for me," Anna recited the words that her grandfather had told her many times before. As she looked up at him with wide eyes wondering if what she said was right. This caused Cade to nod with a smile.

"Yes. Very good. I must warn you... it will be happening sometime in a few more years little one. You will be finding your dragon eggs in time. You just have to be patient," Cade warned her. As he sent her a smile. Trying to hide his worry for his granddaughter and her future. Anna smiled as she clapped her hands and jumped and threw her arms over his shoulders and hugged Cade with excitement.

She was ecstatic that she was going to find her dragon eggs sometime in only a few more years. After hearing such news the two calmed and they stayed there for a moment letting a peaceful silence wash over them. Nothing was heard but the loud breathing of Crimson and the wind. Anna was enjoying her time with her grandfather Cade. That is until she thought of something.

"Grandfather will I always be able to see you in my dreams even when I'm older?" Anna asked him, as she looked into his light eyes. This caused Cade to sigh and look at her then up at the sky. Anna was quick to climb off his lap and sit next to him again. Giving him time. To let him think. Cade was then looking down at her again with a sad smile.

"For now I will only be a dream away if you need me, little one. All you need to do is pray to the Mother. Let her hear that you need me and when you close your eyes to dream, I will be there for you. Both me and Crimson will be. Remember the Mother allows these visits. We should be grateful that she allows it. But as you grow I will guide you as the next Dracontine, and I will teach you as much as I can in your dreams about dragons and much more. About being the next Dracontine. Though there will be a time when you will not need me anymore Annamarie. But that won't be for a long time. For now me and Crimson will always be here for you whenever you need us in your dreams," Cade informed Anna with a smile.

This caused Anna to nod understanding. She was soon thinking about what he said and was stuck in her thoughts. She was thinking about a time she wouldn't need him. But she thought she would always need her grandfather Cade and Crimson. Which made her grow sad.

Looking over at Anna, Cade instantly knew what she was thinking about. He sighed sadly until he heard a soft but loud growl escape Crimson's scaled muzzle. Looking up at the dragon his eyes met Crimson's golden snake like eyes. As if she could understand what was going on. Which she did. She was giving him a look and gestured to her back with her golden eyes. That was all Cade needed. But thinking for a moment and feeling Crimson's emotions soon Cade smiled as he turned to Anna. Taking in what Crimson was hinting at.

"How about we go for a fly in the sky above Annamarie. Before you wake," Cade asked Anna. Trying to get her mind off her thoughts of him being gone. He didn't want to think about it either. Hearing him though Anna quickly turned her head to Cade looking up at him with a wide smile.

As she nodded and stood up quickly making her way to Crimson's wing. The red dragon moved her large wing allowing Anna to climb up to sit on her back. A chuckle escaped Cade's lips as he followed after the excited child. And soon they were sitting on Crimson's back with Anna sitting in front of Cade.

Anna was in a giggling fit with a wide smile. She was smiling so much and wide it hurt her cheeks but she didn't care. As she looked back at her grandfather Cade when he asked her if she's ready. Which she nodded exclaiming yes. As she threw up her small arms then went back to leaning forward and holding onto Crimson. Like Cade had taught her many times to do before. Laughter escaped Cade's lips before he leaned forward making sure they were both secured and shouted.

"Crimson fly," he exclaimed to the dragon. Which led Crimson to throw her head back and let out a loud roar. As she brought up her wings and began to flap her massive wings. Letting the air under her wings and allowing the wind to lift her off the ground. And soon she was flying high above into the sky. Laughter was heard from both Anna and Cade as they felt the wind whipping past them.

The next day Anna woke up from her dream with a smile upon her lips.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Years have passed by in a blurry motion for Anna. It was years later and Anna was now in her early twenties. Many things have happened over the time. Anna still had dreams about her grandfather Cade and Crimson. But not as much as she did as a child. But Anna couldn't be mad; her time was taken up by her job. Anna was now a full time servant in the Forest House in Autumn Court. She was the servant to the Lady of Autumn Court. Which Anna couldn't complain about. Her Lady was kind to her. Very reserved and quiet but kind. Much like herself.

It was one day though when Anna was brushing out the Lady of Autumn Courts hair. When something happened that would change her life. In the middle of brushing her Lady's hair Anna was humming a tune. Both were content at that moment.

When suddenly Anna stopped her humming and movement. She was then staring outside the vast window. There was a call. It was faint but it was there like whispers in the wind. It was as if something was calling out to her... to no one else but Anna.

The Lady was confused. She was wondering why Anna stopped her humming of a peaceful melody, and the brushing of her hair. She then turned to Anna. She was soon asking if Anna was alright. When she didn't hear anything she placed a soft hand on Anna's arm. Which led Anna to look at her with glowing orange eyes. The Lady gasped and leaned away when she heard Anna whisper, "their calling to me... all three of them are calling to me."

"Who is calling to you Annamarie," the Lady asked with worry. She didn't know Anna very well. But she knew enough and was close to Anna. Being Anna was her servant. But Anna didn't answer her, and suddenly she was gone. Which caused the Lady to gasp and wonder where she went. She was quick to look around to see if anyone saw. Knowing if they did Anna would be in trouble and she didn't want that. She wanted to protect Anna. The young fae who has helped her on many occasions.

When Anna woke up she gasped seeing that she was in darkness. She was somewhere in the dark. Which frightened Anna. She was scared but gasped again when she felt something within her. It was her magic. But it was something different of some sort. Then suddenly a light came from her chest turning into an orb of light. Grasping her chest Anna gulped down a breath of air. Looking up at the orb of light she was in a state of awe. She then heard a voice she hadn't heard in months. It was her great grandfather Cade's voice.

"It is time little one. Time to obtain your three dragon eggs. Follow the light... it will guide you," Cade's voice was heard. A tear fell when Anna heard his deep comforting voice. But she wiped it away quickly. Soon she was following his instructions. Anna was then grabbing the end of her dress and walking behind the orb of light.

After some time Anna was walking through the cave for what felt like forever. She then met with a vast looking open area in the cave. Then suddenly the light was zipping in front of her. Then it stopped. Anna was quick to run to it. And there she saw them... three dragon eggs. A laugh escaped her lips but she covered it with her hand. As tears fell down her cheeks. She was overjoyed to have found them. She was then quick to reach out for them.

But as she touched them a painful gasp left her lips. She felt her body burn. It started from her chest and traveled all over her body. Which led her to groan in pain. But she embraced it as she felt her body begin to change. Her pointed ears stretched longer. She then felt her two teeth become pointed into small fangs. Then there was a burning sensation she felt on her chest. And finally the power within her.

A laugh escaped her again. As she picked up all three eggs, hugging them to her chest. But the laughter died down and a gasp escaped her lips. Now realizing that she left and disappeared right in front of the Lady of Autumn Court. She knew she was in trouble. Then before she knew it suddenly she was engulfed in darkness again. And not by her doing. She then found herself on the floor in front of her Lady. Who was looking at Anna with shock.

"Where did you go? What happened?" She asked Anna with concern. As she walked to her from the door. Having kept a lookout making sure no one came into the room. But as she walked closer she looked down and saw what was in Anna's arms. A gasp left her lips as she looked at Anna in awe. As she looked at not one but three dragon eggs.

"You're a Dracontine? Aren't you? You're a descendant of the one called Cade," the Lady asked with wide curious eyes. Anna saw where she was and looked around. Then at the Lady and a soft sob escaped her lips. As she hugged her three dragon eggs close to her chest. She couldn't believe she was here of all places. She couldn't believe she was going to be caught when she just found her eggs.

"it's alright Annamarie I will not tell anyone. I will not breathe a word about this to anyone. I promise," the Lady promised Anna. As she knelt in front of Anna trying to sooth her. She didn't want Anna to worry. She wouldn't tell anyone about such a discovery. Not even the High Lord himself. Once Anna heard this she gasped and quickly looked up at the High Lady of Autumn Court.

"You won't tell anyone? Not even the High Lord Beron?"

"No. I won't. But first let's hide these new ears of yours. And you can tell me as much as you want to. That is if you're comfortable," the Lady smiled widely for the first time in a long time. She couldn't stop herself from being excited. She once had a fascination with dragons herself. Hearing this though caused Anna to smile and nod. She could have hugged the Lady. But she knew it wasn't proper, and her hands were currently full. She was soon telling the Lady a little about her being the next Dracontine. Then telling her about dragons. As the Lady brushed her hair. Making it so that Anna's new longer pointed ears were covered by her long dark brown curly hair. Anna told her she didn't have to do such a thing. But the Lady shook her head and made her stay seated. As she brushed her long curly hair.

Soon when she was done the Lady made sure to give her a small brown bag. A bag that could hang by her side that Anna could put her dragon eggs in. So she would be able to keep them close to her. It was a spelled bag that only Anna could open. She then walked Anna to the servant quarters and then to her small room. They received looks but the Lady didn't care.

The Lady of Autumn Court then allowed Anna time off to go visit her family. Well more so made her take time off to visit her family. Which Anna agreed to reluctantly. The Lady then left with the promise to not tell anyone. Which Anna believed as she waved goodbye to her Lady with a smile.

She then quickly closed the door to her room and locked it. She then bursted into a giggling fit as she hugged the bag to her chest. She then took out her dragon eggs carefully and smiled at them. Whispering to them a promise, "I promise I'll keep you safe my three precious dragons."

───── Dracontine tag-list ─────

blackgirlmagicforever

#rhysand x reader #azriel reader #azriel x reader #rhysand x you #azriel reader series #azriel x you #rhysand reader #rhysand x oc #azriel x oc #acotar x oc #acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader

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fellthemarvelous · 1 year ago

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Staged and Good Omens: The discontinuity of a story within a story within a story.

I'm watching the third season of Staged again right now, and I think I've figured something out.

The discontinuity that people are talking about of Good Omens 2.

Staged 3 was a very modern version of A Christmas Carol. Ep 1. Is there a version? (David and Michael work with Simon again) Ep 2. Who's Playing Who? (Scrooge, episode was a farce) Ep 3. Past (Michael and David are co-dependent af) Ep 4. Present (Michael and David fail to write a script) Ep 5. Future (David tells everyone they are doing a live show) Ep 6. Knock, Knock (Simon gets even, ending is sad but not really because they are just taking a break and breaks don't last forever, and Simon gets a job offer based on his script for Knock, Knock, the one story he didn't write.)

The epic trainwreck that is David and Michael's live version of A Christmas Carol is actually a hit, but everyone else has to convince them to stop the show because it can't go on forever. So they end it with Michael and David agreeing to take a break from working together even though it makes both of them sad.

But the whole premise of Staged was that everything was filmed on iPads, computers and cell phones. And it was submitted to Simon so he could piece it together.

Simon Evans wrote Staged as a love story between David and Michael. Simon writes what he sees and finds ways to incorporate fiction into reality. He saw them on Good Omens together and he saw the chemistry between David and Michael, and he turned it into a comedy about these two eccentric actors who clearly love each other. And they agreed to star in it.

They improvised most of it, but Simon laid out the framework of the plot for them to follow, and then he let them be themselves.

The entire show has layers upon layers of meta weaved into it.

Anyway, my point is...

This post is one of several that covers the different ways discontinuity seems to occur during Good Omens 2. The evidence is very compelling.

I'm not here to point all that out because I don't have the strength of some of the meta writers in this fandom, and they're already on top of it, but if we look to Staged as an example, what is the plotline that Good Omens 2 is following?

Good Omens 2 is a modern version of.... Ep 1. The Arrival Ep 2. The Clue (A Companion to Owls) Ep 3. I Know Where I'm Going (The Resurrectionists) Ep 4. The Hitchhiker (Nazi Zombie Flesheaters) Ep 5. The Ball Ep 6. Every Day

What are the stories happening around Aziraphale and Crowley? They're the focal point of season two, but what else is happening?

Neil Gaiman has said that everything means something. They aren't just showing us these things by accident. There is a story happening outside of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship. And we are all looking closely for that person doing a very odd thing just out of sight or objects being moved around without knowing how they got there in the first place.

There was literally an entire scene in Staged where they are trying to figure out who is playing Scrooge and Simon is so anxious that he keeps moving his plant between two different spots in the room. It also ends up with Georgia accidentally planning her own birthday party because David is in Tokyo. But then they cut at one point and you learn David was actually in his bedroom and not a hotel room in Japan and Georgia didn't really just plan her own birthday party. That chaos was scripted. David has to change clothes, they have to go several minutes back in the scene they just did, but as Anna points out, the sun is not in the same place it was when they started the scene. And then Michael loses his shit at Simon and storms off.

You think that's the reason Simon left, but then we get the episode where Georgia tells David Michael wants to write the script and then tells Michael that David wants to write the script. She does it so she can get them alone in a room together because people love watching them argue. They find out she set them up about six hours later. They are hungry and hot and annoyed and mad at her so she gets Simon to come back to work with David and Michael. Simon comes back from cosplaying as a dentist, brings the food Michael ordered hours ago, and sits down to write. Michael gets pissed off at Simon again because Simon forgot the prawn crackers, so he throws his food at Simon.

Some of these are of the past. Some are of the present. They were all filmed at the same time though so you don't know what happened when or why.

These scenes are all cobbled together. They tell a complete story though. The order just isn't exact.

The story we are seeing in season 2 isn't the real story. It was happening around Aziraphale and Crowley, but with them at the focal point, you get a romantic comedy and it distracts you from what's going on in the background.

There is more than one story in season 2. It's basically a jigsaw puzzle that we can try to piece together, but we won't know what's actually happening until we get the much needed context of season 3.

There are clues all over the place in Good Omens 2. The story is being told through so many other methods except for the one that makes the most sense to us because someone doesn't want us to see what's coming, so we get distracted by Nina and Maggie, Jim, Aziraphale and Crowley.

We know Muriel and Saraqael are up to something. We know Shax and Furfur are up to something. We know the Metatron is up to something. What we don't know is where God went. We hear God's voice in Companion to Owls and we hear God's voice speaking through and with Jim when Crowley orders him to tell them what is going on. It ties directly to the first time Crowley and Aziraphale ever worked together.

We know that Aziraphale is going to Edinburgh and he knows exactly where he's going because he and Crowley have been there before. It challenges the concept of good and evil because Crowley does the good thing and gets sucked into Hell. Right next to Gabriel's statue.

We know that Aziraphale picks up a hitchhiker even though he doesn't want to, and it turns out to be Shax. She reminds Aziraphale of the time that Furfur caught them working together. There were zombies and human magic tricks and Aziraphale uses sleight of hand to save Crowley from being dragged back down into Hell again.

The episode titles of Staged 3 all represent different chapters of A Christmas Carol. But it was more than that because Michael is upset with David for doing adverts without him after they were both asked to work together at first. They love each other and they love working together, but it's preventing them from doing other things they want to do. Hence the break from working together.

It's a story within another story within another story.

And I think that's what we are witnessing in Good Omens. Things aren't happening in the right order. Beyond the sadness of Aziraphale and Crowley splitting up, there is still the next apocalypse to deal with. The story we are getting in season two isn't happening sequentially. It's being manipulated to hide the signs that things are already underway by giving us a love story as a distraction.

And it works very damn well. Because the love story was beautiful.

Staged 3 ending

Good Omens 2 ending

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens theories #i am in no way saying that this is the answer #but it hit me while i was watching staged #staged #david tennant #michael sheen #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #michael and david

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justagalwhowrites · 3 months ago

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Halcyon - Ch. 16: You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do

You and Joel look for Anna and find a new balance in your relationship. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 15, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT! Unprotected P in V sex. Discussion of drug use and addiction. Mention of parent death Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 10.6k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“You’re sure this is a good idea?”

You kept your voice low, watching as Joel swayed slowly with Ellie cradled in his arms.

“She’ll be fine,” he said quietly. “C’mon. Would I do anything that would put this sweet little thing in harm’s way?”

You sighed, Joel already ignoring you in favor of your niece. Not that you could blame him. In the two months that you’d been basically living with Joel, Ellie had blossomed. She still had her crying jags and was far from an easy baby - from what you could tell, anyway. But she was eating steadily now that you’d found a formula that didn’t upset her stomach so much and sleeping for three hours at a time overnight. She’d gone from being underweight to having charming rolls of baby fat on her arms and legs and she had this tendency to watch whoever was holding her with an intensity that felt uncommon for a baby. You were sure you were biased but you were certain that she was the smartest baby you’d ever seen. Her gaze was keen as she took everything in, her eyes shifting to a deep, rich chocolate brown and it was hard to not just look at her all the time.

“I’d never let anything happen to you, would I?” Joel said to Ellie, his voice high pitched and lilting. “No I wouldn’t! Uncle Joel loves you so much, yes he does!”

You smiled a little, letting yourself enjoy the sight of your best friend holding the baby who had become the most important person in the world before looking back in the direction of the kitchen where you knew Tommy was putting a mountain of junk food into the fridge and freezer.

“Really, Goldie, it’s fine,” Joel said in his more typical baritone. “Tommy watched Sarah for me all the time when she was a baby, he’s actually great with kids, even tiny ones. She’ll be just fine for a night, I promise. We gotta do this.”

You sighed and then nodded.

“Right,” you said. “You’re right, we do.”

You held your arms out and Joel passed you Ellie before his lips brushed your temple, a motion that had become so commonplace over the last few weeks. You glanced at him quickly, eyes darting, as he pulled away from you and he flinched a little before grabbing your overnight bags and heading for the living room.

That was a commonplace occurrence, too. The flinching when he touched you in some intimate, familiar way that seemed to go beyond the bounds of your previous relationship.

You weren’t sure why he kept doing it. Kissing you, putting his hand on the small of your back when you were near, nuzzling into your hair. He always flinched some after, like these little sparks of closeness were nauseating. You had your theories as to why, of course. He’d told you little of Sarah’s mother but it sounded like she had been around for at least the early days of her daughter’s life. Maybe he was used to these tiny intimacies with a woman he was raising a child alongside, maybe the only way he was used to passing off a baby came with a gentle brush of his lips on skin. Or maybe he thought you needed it, that you were still so fragile even months after you’d shown up on his doorstep with a screaming infant and feeling like you were going to lose yourself if you weren’t careful that he needed to do things like touch you to keep you sane.

But you wished he’d just stop. It didn’t help when you knew how much he apparently loathed it, it just stung. Even tempering it with the knowledge that he apparently cared enough for you to tolerate something he so clearly didn’t enjoy because he thought it was what you needed, it hurt.

You and Joel had struck a delicate - if largely unspoken - balance since that first night. You’d all but moved in, Joel giving you two drawers and a corner of his closet, and you’d put a small bassinet in his room. The two of you took shifts overnight, switching out looking after Ellie when she stirred. Since UT’s school year ended a full month before Sarah’s did, you took over making breakfast and getting her out the door in the morning until she was on summer vacation and - now that summer break was in full swing - you watched her and you took care of Ellie while Joel was at work during the day. For all intents and purposes, you functioned like a couple. In all ways except one: you didn’t have sex again.

You should probably be thankful for that, you knew. It wasn’t like you’d ever say no to him if he’d offered. Even if it destroyed you, you’d always fold the moment he touched you like he wanted you at all. The fact that it hadn’t happened since was a blessing.

You tried to remind yourself of that when you were lying next to him at night and he didn’t touch you that way. Not that you expected him to at all, especially not with Ellie in the room but still. You wanted it. Longed for it. Ached for it, taking full advantage of what little privacy you got when in the shower or when Sarah was at a friend’s house and Ellie was down for a nap to fuck yourself hard and fast until you had to bite your lip to keep from moaning your best friend’s name.

Because it was always Joel you thought of now. He was burned into you that way. The first time you’d ever touched yourself had been to the thought of Joel, back before you knew what kissing him and taking him into yourself would be. It had been a losing battle since you’d moved back to Texas, the proximity bringing him to mind so much faster now. Once you’d started dating Stephen, it felt almost like cheating when you made yourself come to the thought of someone else, even though you’d never talked about being exclusive in any sense, let alone in the world of fantasy. Still, you came hard to the thought of your best friend and dealt with the twinge of guilt after. You’d just hoped you’d be able to set this obsession down if you became serious about someone.

The aftermath of sleeping with Joel again had proved, though, that you were going to be stuck here, feeling like this, for what seemed like forever. You cut things off with Stephen then, using Anna’s vanishing as an excuse to end things. Really, it was just because you couldn’t stomach pretending like it could go anywhere, like you wouldn’t spend your entire relationship wishing he was someone else.

Since then, you’d thrown yourself into anything - everything - else you could use to distract yourself. Beyond caring for Ellie and Sarah, you’d made some progress on your next book, shifting the story to be about a family more than a romantic relationship. You’d helped Joel with a business plan for Miller Construction, the contracting company he was hoping to start. But, most importantly, you’d gotten some idea about where Anna might be.

She was, at least, still alive. You’d been able to track down contact information for her sponsor after meeting her once and hearing Anna mention her first name a few times. Marlene had been reluctant to tell you much at all but did at least tell you that she was checking in with Anna daily. She seemed sober, apparently, and Marlene was encouraging her to seek some help but she hadn’t had any luck yet.

“I shouldn’t tell you this,” she’d sighed when you called a few days earlier. “But she mentioned her ex today. I think she might be with him.”

You’d all but flown into a panic at that, fighting to hold it together as you watched Sarah swim and you held Ellie carefully while you sat on the steps in the shallow end of the pool. Josh Williams was the worst possible fucking influence your sister could have. He’s who got her into drugs in the first place, their love affair had been a whirlwind even in the best of times. What would being around him do to her now, when she was cracking under the weight of motherhood and what you were certain was postpartum depression?

“Goldie, take a breath,” Joel said that night after Sarah was in bed and he’d plied you with a margarita. “Here, gimme…” He held his hands out and you passed him the baby and he beamed at her for a moment, making her giggle, before he turned his attention back to you. “Drink more. Let’s think on it. When things went real bad for her, was she with Josh or was she on her own?”

You sighed and took a sip of margarita.

“On her own,” you said. “She definitely got into trouble with Josh but… he didn’t hurt her. Well, not like that.”

“So she’s probably safe,” Joel said gently. “That’s good, that’s the important thing right now, right?”

“Right,” you nodded and sighed again. “Jesus… So what do we do?”

“Well,” Joel shifted Ellie and she cooed at him before he cooed back as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Lemme just…” He typed something in, pressing a kiss to little Ellie’s cheek as he did. “Alright, looks like that band of his is on tour and they’ll be in Dallas in a few days. We can go, talk to him, see if he knows where she is.”

You nodded slowly, taking another drink.

“If I can talk to her, I can see if I can get her to get some help,” you said. “Or at least come home… Even if we still keep Ellie for a while, if she was at least home…”

“It’s progress, Goldie Girl,” Joel said gently, putting his phone back in his pocket and shifting Ellie again. “It’s a good thing. It is.”

You drank a few margaritas there on his couch, watching Joel with Ellie. He seemed enraptured with her, making faces to pull little gummy smiles out of her chubby features and peppering her with kisses before coaxing her to sleep on his chest.

“C’mon,” he said quietly after a while. “Let’s get this one to bed and then get you to bed. You need it.”

That night was the closest the two of you came to fucking again. You were tipsy enough that Joel had to help keep you from stumbling between the bathroom and the bed, Ellie sleeping soundly in her crib as she had been the last few nights, the distance from her still oddly foreign to you.

“Careful there,” he caught you. “How many’d you have?”

“Enough, apparently,” you tried not to laugh, worried you’d wake up the baby.

“I’ll say,” he said, walking you to the bed and lowering you to the mattress. “Alright, legs in baby.”

You obeyed and he tucked the sheets around you before turning out the light and climbing into bed beside you. You rolled onto your side and nuzzled against him before he’d even gotten settled, making him laugh.

“Forgot what a touchy feely drunk you are,” he teased.

“Shut up,” you said, pressing yourself closer to him all the same. He laughed and then the two of you fit yourselves against each other, your body curving around his.

“Know it’s not the best circumstances,” he said quietly after a minute. “But… I’m glad you’re here. That you’re not tryin’ to do this shit alone.”

“Me too,” you said, moving somehow closer to him. His hold on you tightened, his nose nuzzling into your hair. Your lips ghosted over the warm skin of his throat. He groaned a little and your leg hitched over his thigh. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you ground your hips against him.

“Goldie,” he said, a little breathless, pulling back from you enough to look you in the eye. “We… we shouldn’t…”

You groaned in a way that was closer to a whine and his forehead dropped to yours.

“You’re drunk,” he whispered.

“Not that drunk,” you whispered back.

“Drunk enough,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “This… you still want this in the morning? We can talk about it. Or just forget about it. Whatever you want, but we can’t right now.”

You fell asleep before too long, feeling achy and needy as you did, and woke up still in Joel’s arms with dawn slipping through the slats of his blinds. Joel was already awake, his large palm resting on the crown of your head, his thumb brushing a gentle trail over your forehead. You looked at him for a moment, memorizing the planes of his face, the scruff on his cheeks, the way his hair was mussed first thing in the morning.

“She still asleep?” You asked quietly, eventually.

“Yeah,” he said, just as quiet. “Don’t know that she’s ever slept this late but checked the monitor a little while ago, she’s still breathin’…”

��That’s good,” you smiled a little. Your stomachs were pressed together, your t-shirt had ridden up in the night so your skin was against his and he was so warm, the heat of him seeping out and spreading over you.

“Goldie…” he whispered, his face drawn and so close to yours and your heart lurched in your chest. “I can’t…”

Ellie’s sharp little cry made you both jump, like you’d forgotten for a moment about the little life in the next room that was completely dependent on the two of you.

“I got ‘er,” Joel said, quickly pulling himself from you and all but running to Ellie’s room.

The two of you didn’t talk about it again.

You carried Ellie to the kitchen, Sarah perched on a counter as Tommy made a huge plate of nachos.

“And we can watch movies and stay up late and…”

“Just because I’m gonna be out of town for a night don’t mean that all the rules are out the window, baby girl,” Joel said, a small smile on his face all the same.

“Hey,” Tommy said. “How late she stays up and what junk food we eat while she does it is none of your concern when you ain’t here, old man.”

“Yeah Dad,” Sarah smirked, leaning over and swiping a chip from Tommy’s plate. “You leave Uncle Tommy in charge? You get what you get.”

“Lord,” Joel sighed, still smiling. “Such a bad influence on my kid…”

“S’why you love me,” Tommy smirked before winking at you. “Alright, let me see the tiny one, c’mon.”

You gave Ellie a kiss on her chubby cheek before passing her off to Tommy and he beamed at her.

“There’s the cutest baby in the world,” he held her with his large hands around her waist, lifting her to blow a raspberry as best he could on her onesie covered stomach. Ellie giggled and he held her to his chest. “There, now I got the important stuff all set. You two get out of here, try to have fun…”

“Not goin’ for fun,” Joel said, almost like a reprimand.

“I know,” Tommy said, still calm. “But still. You two have had your hands full lately. Have a damn drink at least.”

You stepped in before Joel had a chance to try to pick a fight with his brother.

“You know how to hold her when she has her bottle?” You asked. “And where the extra diapers are in case the ones in the changing table drawers run out? And…”

“I got ‘er,” Tommy said gently. “And I got your numbers if I need ‘em. Which I won’t.”

You nodded, not fully able to shake the knot that had settled in your stomach at the thought of leaving Ellie with anyone but yourself or Joel. At the thought of being alone with Joel, no buffer of Ellie or Sarah that had been there ever since you’d slept together again.

“Thank you for doin’ this,” Joel said earnestly. “It means a lot.”

“One day, I’ll have kids and I’ll need you to watch ‘em when I want to get my girl out of town,” Tommy said. “Better believe I’m cashing in.”

You and Joel stopped at a gas station on the way out of town, filling up your car and grabbing snacks from the convenience store and delaying the inevitable awkward silence when the two of you were alone with nothing else to distract you.

It felt like the two of you were halfway to fucking Waco when Joel finally spoke.

“You think she’ll be there?” He asked.

You sighed.

“I don’t know. I hope so, I hope we can get to her and that she’ll listen and…”

You ground your teeth for a moment before looking over to him. Joel was driving - it never mattered that it was your car, Joel always drove, it had been like that even when you were teenagers - and there was something so reassuring about him being behind the wheel.

“Is this stupid?” You asked. “Am I going about this the wrong way?”

He glanced over to you, looking you up and down before turning his eyes back to the road.

“I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to do this,” he said after a moment. “It’s… it’s a shit situation. I just don’t want you gettin’ your hopes up too much is all.”

“They’re not,” you said quickly. “God, even if she is there, it’s still going to be a fucking mess…”

“It is,” Joel said. “But you’ll help her through it. You’re real good at that shit.”

You scoffed.

“What?” He said. “You are. You’ve been doin’ a great job, Goldie girl. That’s not going to change because Anna actually comes back - or doesn’t.”

You nodded slowly, looking out the window again, trying not to think about whether you were more afraid that Anna would be at the concert tonight or that she wouldn’t be.

“Think you’re ready to throw a pool party for a bunch of preteen girls?” You asked, giving him a little smile.

“Lord,” he laughed once. “No. But thanks for helpin’ plan it all the same. Sarah’s so damn excited, rivals the fuckin’ concert…”

“Your list is coming along,” you smiled a little wider him.

“Speaking of our lists,” he teased, glancing your way. “How’s that book of yours comin’ along?”

“Good, shockingly enough,” you said. “You’re in this one, too. Well, kind of you, it’s not like I named the character Joel but…”

“I am?” He asked, brows raised. You nodded and then he frowned. “Wait, too? What do you mean, too?”

Your face fell before you could stop it, your eyes going wide.

“Goldie,” he said, glancing toward you. “What’d you mean, too? Was I in your first book?”

“OK, don’t start that,” you said. “Come on, I… Look, alright? My first book was more of a coming of age thing and you were my best friend so… yeah, OK, you might have influenced a character a little. Just a bit. That’s all, it’s nothing crazy…”

Your heart was racing but Joel just smiled, broad enough that it made the corners of his eyes crinkle.

“Didn’t know I meant so much to you, Goldie Girl,” he teased.

“Don’t read into it,” you rolled your eyes. “Literally, please don’t read it…”

“Pretty sure it’s above my reading level, anyway,” he winked.

You glared at him.

“I hate you,” you said.

“I know,” he smiled, glancing over at you. “S’why we get along so well.”

The two of you fell into your usual, comfortable familiarity after that, joking and laughing and singing along to the songs from the playlist Joel made for the drive, you trying to forget about the fact that you were only making this drive to try to save your sister from herself.

The room Joel had booked for you this time was not nearly as nice as the one from the Taylor Swift weekend - not that you were arguing. Putting the two of you in one hotel room right now felt like tempting fate as it was, let alone one that could be mistaken for romantic. But still, you were disappointed when he opened the motel door to a room with two queen sized beds instead of just one king.

“Figured you could use some space from me since we don’t gotta listen to a baby monitor all night,” Joel said, carrying the bags in. He dropped your duffle on the bed furthest from the door and checked his watch. “Should probably head out in about an hour if you want to get something to eat first…”

You nodded, fidgeting with your necklace, feeling Joel’s eyes on you.

“Well,” Joel said, his voice a little awkward. “Think I’ll… I’ll just… take a nap. Keep my eyes closed. So you can get changed and shit if you need.”

“Right,” you smiled tightly. “Thanks.”

“Yup,” he said, lying flat on his back on his bed, his forearm over his eyes as you started going through your bag.

You checked in with Tommy, already missing Ellie, before you got changed into something that was good for a rock concert. Well, you thought it was, anyway - this was always your sister’s territory - and did your hair and makeup so that you had a shot of trying to talk your way backstage to talk to Josh. Hopefully. Maybe.

When you gently shook Joel awake he stared at you for a moment, blinking with a look on his face that you couldn’t quite place.

“You really passed out,” you teased, fighting that awkward feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Yeah,” he shook his head quickly, like he was shaking off the sleep. “Guess so. C’mon Goldie, let’s go see if we can find Anna.”

***

There had to be more Joel could be doing to help you. He was sure there was something he was fucking missing because there had to be something he could do beyond twiddling his fucking thumbs, waiting in line to get into a small concert venue in Dallas on a Saturday night.

You were twisting your hands around on themselves, lower lip between your teeth as you tried to peer around the line as though you’d have any chance of seeing any of the bands right now.

“Is this dumb?” You asked eventually, looking at Joel with wide eyes. “I’m worried this is a stupid fucking idea…”

“How else were you gonna get ahold of the guy?” He asked gently. “You didn’t have his number, it’s not like you can find him in the damn phonebook. You came to him. It’s what you had to do. You have to try, right?”

You took a deep, shaky breath and nodded.

“Right,” you said. “You’re right.”

The words didn’t match your expression, still worrying your lip between your teeth, still knotting your fingers and Joel wondered yet again what the fuck he was missing. It had to be something, there had to be something he could do to make your life easier because, fuck, why was he even here if he couldn’t?

Ever since you’d all but moved into his house, you’d done nothing but improve his life. Sure, you came with an infant and she was nothing if not a challenge but Joel liked having another kid around to take care of. Thrived on it, really. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed Sarah’s newborn days until he was faced with Ellie’s.

Joel had been so alone then, drowning in the state of his life, in his new identity as Sarah’s father, in the weight of the future heavy in his hands whenever he held his baby girl. It had been hard to really enjoy that time. He knew he’d want to remember it, the way her little legs tucked up into her stomach and the way her nose scrunched when she first woke up - something she still did now if he woke her up abruptly from a deep enough sleep - but it had been a conscious thing. Remember it because he should, because he knew he’d want to keep these parts of his daughter close, not because it came naturally.

He wondered, sometimes, in hindsight, if there was something wrong with him for that. If he wasn’t a good enough father because his mind had been elsewhere in his daughter’s earliest days, if some vital piece of him was broken because he hadn’t taken naturally to that part of fatherhood even though he loved her more than he realized any human being could love another.

With Ellie, though, he knew he wasn’t broken. He’d just been so overwhelmed by everything else that the best parts of fatherhood hadn’t found their way to him yet. Now, though, it seemed like he had everything he needed. There was Sarah, you, a new little life that needed care and guidance and love. He felt like he had purpose and so much of that was thanks to you.

And of course, once you came into yourself again with Ellie, you’d started doing what you always did: make things better. Of course, you just being there would have made things better. But you stepped right into loving his daughter like she was your own. He’d come home from a job site and find you in the yard with the girls, a makeshift soccer goal set up, Ellie in her bouncer in the shade, you in the goal to give Sarah a chance to practice shooting.

“Dad, look!” She’d yell before Joel even got the door all the way open on the truck.

“I’m watchin’,” he’d smile and look over her head to you and you’d give him a wink. And he did watch as Sarah dribbled the ball toward you and faked out her kick, making you go one way while the ball went the other.

“See?” She beamed, her smile huge. “I’m going to score so many goals next season!”

“You really are,” he kissed her forehead. “Great job, baby girl!”

You helped him with his business plan. You gave him an audience while he practiced playing guitar with a plan to go talk to Jimmy and see if he’d let him play at the bar again, like he did when he was young. You’d kick him playfully as the two of you sat on opposite ends of the couch with your legs overlapping his in the middle, just like you had when you were kids. You made him dinner and made him laugh and made him want to kiss you so bad he wondered if it was possible to explode with wanting.

You did so much for him. Why couldn’t he figure out a goddamn way to give it back to you?

The venue finally opened and you laced your fingers with Joel’s as you worked your way through the press of people, trying to make it close to the stage.

“This is so weird,” you said, looking back over your shoulder to Joel, standing at your back. “What do we do? Dance? Pretend this is a regular concert? Do we get a beer?”

“If you want a beer, Goldie, I’ll get you one,” Joel smiled a little. “I think it’s fine if we just stand here until they come on and try and get his attention when they do. But… well, if you feel like you can have a good time, I think you should.”

Your face pinched at that, like you thought maybe you shouldn’t even consider something as insignificant as your own happiness.

“Think this’ll be easier with a drink,” he said, making an executive decision. Maybe having fun when trying to track down your sister when she was fuck knows where and left you with her infant daughter was insane but fuck it, being miserable while doing it wasn’t making it any easier. “Be back.”

You looked like you were about to protest but he slipped away from you and into the people starting to press into the pit, working his way against the flow of bodies to the bar. He got himself a whiskey soda and you a vodka sour because that’s what you’d get with your fake ID when the two of you would sneak into places like this when you were kids. He smiled a little, thinking about that as he went to find you again, how you’d pretended like it wasn’t really breaking the rules since you were just helping Joel do research for how to break into the music business. You’d smile at him, your eyes so bright from the stage lights and say “Someday, that’ll be you up there” and he thought - even then - that you might be the best thing he’d ever seen.

Joel was working his way back through the crowd to you, living in that time long past for a moment, when he saw you toward the front of the pit. But he didn’t have a chance to really enjoy the sight of you all decked out in your concert clothes. Instead, there was a man next to you, his hand on the small of your back as you leaned away from him and Joel’s blood got hot.

“…just for a little while,” the man was saying, trying to step closer to you.

“No thanks,” you said, your tone sharp.

“C’mon, we’ll get you a drink and…”

“Hey,” Joel said, stopping right behind the man, crowding his space. The guy was tall but not as tall as Joel and he had to tilt his head back to look him in the face. “You botherin’ my girl?”

The man’s eyes darted to you before going back to Joel.

“She didn’t…” the man began before puffing himself up, straightening his spine as much as he could. But the top of his head still only reached Joel’s eyes and he quickly deflated. “Look man, all she had to do was say she had a boyfriend and I would’ve backed off, alright? Think your problem is with your girl…”

“No,” Joel said, jaw tight. “My problem’s with you. Don’t matter if she’s got a boyfriend or not, she says she ain’t interested? She ain’t interested. Learn some fuckin’ respect. Or do you need me to teach you?”

The man looked Joel up and down, like he was weighing his chances. Joel just stood his ground. He wasn’t about to let this asshole just touch you without permission. An excuse to hit him would be welcome.

“Fuckin’ asshole,” the guy muttered, turning to go. Joel watched him leave before turning back to you and handing you your drink.

“You alright?” He asked.

“Fine,” you said, watching him closely. “Thank you for that. He just was not backing off. I forgot what it’s like to go to places like this and deal with guys like that…”

“Shouldn’t have to deal with guys like that,” Joel said, clenching his jaw. “Fuckin’ asshole should know how to take a no. But probably shouldn’t leave you unattended again, apparently the second I walk away some jackass swoops in…”

You laughed a little and rolled your eyes as the crowd started cheering and you turned to face the stage as the opener came out. Joel slipped his hand around your waist to your stomach, his fingers splaying wide over the satin fabric of your shirt and he wanted to touch the silk of your skin below and he tried not to think about that. He tugged you back against him and you frowned, looking over your shoulder to him.

“To be safe,” he said in your ear. “Keep other assholes’ hands off ya.”

You smiled a little and Joel held you close as the first two bands played, your back pressed tightly against his front. The more of your cocktail you drank, the more you moved almost absently to the music and Joel had to focus to not get lost in you.

It was easier to remember exactly what the two of you were doing here when the headlining band - Josh’s band - took the stage. The crowd became deafening when they came out and you grabbed Joel’s arm when the guitarist jogged to his place under the lights.

“That’s Josh!” You yelled over your shoulder to Joel.

He evaluated the man quickly. Your brother-in-law was on the other side of the stage, stocky and shorter than Joel’d expected him to be, in ripped jeans and a tight gray t-shirt, a guitar strapped across his body. He lifted the neck of it and played the first chord, the lead singer running out and taking the mic.

“C’mon,” Joel said, keeping his grip on you and trying to guide you through the crush of people toward the other side of the stage, hoping that Josh would see you and recognize you in the crowd. “Try and get closer.”

It took some time, a few songs passing before the two of you could make it over there and even then, getting to the very front of the pit was basically impossible, fans pressed tight to the barricades and reaching for the band.

Still, it didn’t stop you from trying to get his attention, your arms up over your head and screaming his name. When he thought the set might be winding down and Josh still hadn’t acknowledged you, Joel started looking for where to take you to try to get back stage and, when the band left the stage and you deflated, he took your hand.

“C’mon,” he said. “Think we can try and get to ‘em this way…”

He tugged you along behind him, keeping a tight hold on you as he led you to a side door. He jiggled the handle but it was locked.

“Shit,” you swore, looking back to where people were leaving.

“Any security?” Joel asked, voice low.

You frowned and looked around for a moment.

“No, but…”

He grimaced but forced the handle down with all his weight, the old lock popping.

“Did you just break the door?” You asked quietly, brows raised.

Joel shrugged.

“You gotta do what you gotta do,” he said, ushering you through it and quickly pulling it shut behind him.

“Now where?” You whispered it even though there was no one around to hear you.

“Uh,” he looked around, trying to remember where he thought the green rooms would be as he looked down the hall. “This way, I think.”

He led you down the cinderblock passage, things getting louder as he did - a good sign, he thought. And then, he turned a corner and walked smack into a security guard.

“Sorry,” Joel said quickly, tucking you behind him and hoping the guy would forget it and move on.

No such luck.

“You two supposed to be back here?” The guard asked, looking you and Joel up and down. “Show me your passes.”

“We don’t have any,” you said, stepping out from behind Joel before he could stop you. “But I’m trying to talk to Josh Williams from Shine Anthem, he’s my brother-in-law and…”

“Don’t really give a shit who you say you are,” the guard said, reaching for Joel. “You can’t just come back here so I’m going to have to ask you to…”

Joel was trying to figure out some kind of plan when he heard your name being called from behind you and then the man from the stage was there, running up and damn near tackling you, bending low to tuck his shoulder into your chest so he could lift you into a hug as you yelped.

He put you down quickly, though, a broad smile on his face and a glassy look in his eyes.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming!” He beamed, looking you up and down. “Should’ve called! I’d have gotten you tickets and passes and shit instead of you hangin’ out out there with everyone else!”

“Well, it’s not like I had your number,” you said, a little incredulous as Josh leaned around you to the guard.

“They’re good,” Josh said to him. “This is my girl’s sister! She never fuckin’ visits, this is great!”

You turned to Joel, a look of almost total disbelief on your face as Josh threw an arm around your shoulders and started guiding you down the hall. Joel just shrugged at the security guard and followed, you looking back over your shoulder to make sure he was still there.

“She didn’t say anything about you coming, either,” he said, an almost odd familiarity to his tone. From what Joel knew, you’d only spent a little time with your sister’s husband, it wasn’t as though the two of you were close. “Could’ve called her, too! She can always get ahold of me, always answer the phone for that girl…”

“Have you seen her?” You asked. “Because…”

“Seen her?” He laughed. “She’s here! It’s like old times, s’been great! God I love that girl. She’s with the guys right now, nice to have her around again…”

“She’s here?” You stopped and turned to stare at him. “Right now?”

“Yeah!” He said brightly. “This is great, a regular family reunion! She’ll be so excited to see you, she’s always saying she wishes you’d come back home more. Who’s this guy, by the way? Not your husband, he’s that old dude, right?”

“This is my friend Joel,” you said quickly before trying to refocus him. “Josh, I need to see Anna. Right now.”

“Alright, alright,” he said, stopping outside a heavy metal door and turning to Joel. “You party? Because we can do shit up, I know this one’s not usually down but…”

“We’re not here to fucking party, Josh!” You snapped. “I need to see Anna! Right now!”

“OK!” He put his hands up and gave Joel a look as if to say ‘women, right?’ before opening the door. “She’s right here.”

The space was smaller than Joel had been expecting. Maybe he had idealized expectations for a rockstar’s green room since he’d once dreamed of being one but this one was small, with a few couches that were crowded with people, the air clouded with acrid smoke so thick he couldn’t help but cough.

“Ahhh!” Anna threw her arms in the air in glee from the corner of one of the couches, where she was perched on the lap of some other band member. “My sister’s here! Look, guys, it’s my big sister!”

Joel clenched his jaw and looked over to you, ready to help you if you needed it. The look on your face was hard for him to place, your expression so strangely foreign. Of all the faces Joel knew, he knew yours maybe best of all - Sarah the only exception. He knew how you looked when you were lost in thought, when you were about to cry, when you were coming, when you laughed so hard you cried. But you were so rarely angry that he didn’t recognize it, not at first.

But your eyes narrowed and your hands curled into fists at your sides and for a moment, just a moment, Joel thought you were going to scream.

But you didn’t. Instead, you steeled yourself and marched purposefully, forcefully, over to your sister.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You asked, standing over her. “This is what you’re doing? You’re here, partying with your ex-husband and the guys you used to fuck around with while I’m home with your daughter?”

The room had gone silent, Anna staring up at you with wide eyes.

“Daughter?” Josh said quietly and Joel looked over at him. He was staring at Anna in disbelief and disappointment. “Wait, you had a kid? When…”

“You didn’t even tell him?” You scoffed at her. “Of course you wouldn’t, why would you? Why would you ever consider anyone but yourself in your decision making process? You never have before! Hell, you never even really think of yourself, do you? Not your future self, not the person you really need to be worried about because if you did, you wouldn’t be fucking high right now!”

“I’m not high!” She got up quickly, stumbling a little as she did.

“Bullshit you’re not high,” you snapped. “Look at you!”

“I’m not…” She lowered her voice, as though that would make much difference in a room as quiet and small as this one. “It’s just some pot, OK? It’s not like…”

“Oh, because you’re not snorting anything or injecting anything, it doesn’t count?” You asked, brows raised, incredulous. “Because this isn’t the first step to you ending up back in the hospital after you OD again or worse, just dead somewhere?”

“You ODed?” Josh said weakly, going over to her, running his fingers through her hair. “Baby, you never told me this, why didn’t you tell me this?”

“It was last year,” she said. “You were touring, it wasn’t that bad…”

“She almost died,” you said to Josh. “And she had been sober until you came along, so congratulations on dragging her down yet again.”

You turned your attention back to your sister.

“Were you ever planning on coming home?” You asked. “Or were you going to just party like a goddamn teenager without a care in the world until you wound up dead?”

Anna just stared down at her hands and you shook your head.

“I should have fucking known.”

You stalked off without another word, slamming the door behind you as you went.

The room was awkwardly silent for a moment, Josh looking at Joel apologetically.

“I didn’t know,” he said quietly, his eyes wide, all the casual familiarity gone. Instead, he was almost uncomfortably earnest and almost sad. “I never would have… I didn’t know.”

Joel looked back toward the door for a moment before he sighed and looked at Josh again.

“We’re here ’til the morning,” he said. “Gimme your phone.”

Josh handed it over and Joel typed his number into a text message before sending himself a message that had the name and address of the hotel you were at with the room number. He gave the phone back before he turned to Anna.

“She loves you,” Joel said. “And she loves Ellie. You should come home.”

She sniffed but just turned her head, looking away from him.

“Right,” Joel said. “Well… Should know Ellie misses you. And we’ll be at that hotel until 11 a.m. tomorrow.”

He had to run to catch up with you, finding you standing outside with tears in your eyes as you paced.

“Hey,” Joel said and you looked at him, quickly drying your eyes on the insides of your wrists. “You alright?”

“No,” you sniffed. “No, I just fucked everything up, I shouldn’t have done that, who knows what…”

“Hey,” Joel cut you off, pulling you into his chest. “S’OK.”

“Easy for you to say,” you said, voice muffled by his shirt.

He sighed, holding you for a moment, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“C’mon,” he said, giving you a squeeze. “Let’s go back to the hotel. Pick up some beer on the way.”

You checked in with Tommy on the way and Joel tried to keep his distance from you once the two of you got back to the hotel room and you’d calmed down a little. He’d gotten the two damn beds for a reason and it wasn’t because he wanted to be apart from you. It was because he knew that things between the two of you had gotten too close since you’d shown up on his doorstep with Ellie in your arms. Even if the sex had never happened, it was too much like being with you, going through life with you the way he had been. It couldn’t continue, not without destroying him.

So Joel stayed on his bed and you stayed on yours, a six pack on the night stand in the middle and he cursed the pretext of it. The space was smart, he knew that. But goddamn, couldn’t he just hold you as long as you’d let him? Couldn’t he just live in that liminal place for as long as he could manage it? Wouldn’t the damage be worth it in the end if he did? He didn’t know. He just stayed on his bed, finding some stupid action movie with a bad TV edit to put on, one where the dialogue choices were bad enough that you were laughing so hard that you spilled beer on your bedspread.

“Oh shit,” you swore, putting the now nearly empty bottle on the nightstand and jumping up to run to the bathroom and grab towels. Joel joined you, mopping up the mess as best you could. “God, so much for having one night where I don’t end up covered in something. If it’s not spit-up at home it’s beer here…”

“At least this didn’t end up in your hair,” Joel smiled a little and you laughed.

“Yeah, thank god for small miracles. And at least it’s just my bed so you don’t have to deal with it, too.”

“You don’t need to deal with it, either,” he said before he even thought about it. “You can just sleep in my bed.”

Not that he really needed to think about it.

“You don’t need to do that,” you waved him off. “I’ve already taken over half your bed at home, you deserve your space. I’ll be fine sleeping in spilled beer for a night.”

“Goldie, c’mon,” he said, realizing just how close he was standing to you. How easy it would be to kiss you. “This ain’t some frat house, not about to just make you sleep in that shit.”

You bit your lower lip, uncertain, and he had to fight the urge to tug that soft flesh from between your teeth. He wanted to bite that lip, kiss it, run his thumb over it.

“What?” He asked, desire edging into his voice whether he wanted it to or not.

“What about distance?” You asked quietly, breathily.

“Distance is overrated,” he said, tightening his hold on the towels so he wouldn’t grab you and kiss you the way he was so fucking desperate to do.

He tried to make himself calm down in the few minutes you were in the bathroom, getting changed into pajamas and setting the beer-soaked towels out to dry. He wished he could jerk off because that might be the only thing that actually put him back inside his own goddamn head for a moment. Maybe he could once you were asleep, just lock himself in the bathroom and fuck his hand to the memory of you and try to keep your name off his tongue when he came.

But that wouldn’t help now as he watched you cross the room in the little shorts and tank top you’d brought to sleep in, all but mesmerized by the bounce of your breasts when free of your bra when you walked or the way the soft cotton of your bottoms just skimmed the edge of your ass and he could see the swell of flesh there, almost out of sight, almost out of reach, close enough to tempt but far enough to not belong to him.

“I really didn’t mean to put you out again,” you said as you climbed into bed beside him. “I really didn’t mean to the first time, either… In case I haven’t said it, I think I owe you my life for everything you’ve done for me and Ellie. I would have drowned in this alone.”

“You’re not putting me out, Goldie girl,” he said, smiling a little. “Hell, it’s been nice, having the two of you around. Sarah’s been beggin’ me for a little sister since she could talk, think this is the closest she’s getting for a while…”

You laughed a little and then sighed, leaning your head back against the headboard.

“How bad do you think I fucked up with Anna?” You asked, watching him.

He sighed.

“I dunno… S’not like I know much about addiction or what she’s going through right now. But I can’t say I blame you for what you said. She knows you love her, that you want what’s best for her.”

You sighed and looked down at your hands, picking at your thumbnail for a moment.

“She’s the one who found our mom, did I ever tell you that?”

“No,” Joel said quietly, watching you closely.

“She did,” you nodded at your hands. “I can’t imagine what that would have been like for her. I only saw Mom after the funeral home had her, I didn’t have to… I wasn’t there for Anna after that. It’s no wonder she dropped out, found trouble, tried to take care of shit with drugs…”

“That’s not on you,” Joel said.

“Isn’t it?” You looked at him. “I was the big sister, I was who she had and I left her to cope with it alone and the first time I try to actually help her with something, I fuck that up, too.”

“You were young,” Joel said. “Basically a kid.”

“I was 20 years old,” you replied. “I was old enough to have a fiance and a career path and a life away from here. I could have moved back, I could have stepped up, I could have done something but I just…”

“It’s not your job to take care of everybody, baby,” he said gently.

“What if I fucked up so bad this time that she doesn’t come back?” You whispered. “What if she leaves Ellie with me forever and I can’t do it and…”

You sniffed and looked back at your hands, a tear slipping down your cheek and Joel just tugged you against him, tucking you against his chest, kissing the crown of your head.

“We’ll deal with it,” he said, tracing his fingertips along your hairline soothingly. “Whatever happens, I’ve got you. It’s OK.”

You nodded wetly into his chest and he held you like that for a while, your body slowly molding to his until you were soft and warm and pressed entirely against him and your tears slowed.

“You doin’ better?” He asked eventually and you nodded against him, sitting up and sniffling a little. He smiled, reaching out and trying your tears with a swipe of his thumb, your cheek fitting against his palm. “See? Not so bad.”

“No,” you smiled a little back. “It’s not.”

Your eyes were on his and he was so close to you, so close that he could almost touch your nose with his.

So he did, moving ever so slightly closer so your skin was brushing his own. Your breath hitched when he did and instead of finding relief in the contact, it stoked a fire he hadn’t realized was burning, low and hot and sure, inside him.

“Joel,” you breathed. “Please…”

“It’s OK Goldie girl,” he said softly. “I’ve got you.”

He kissed you then, the concept of distance so far at the back of his mind as he did, the spearmint of your toothpaste tinged with hops from the beer on your breath.

It was hesitant at first. He wasn’t sure if it was just him holding back or if you were, too, but all pretense was gone almost immediately. You were twisting in the sheets, moving to face him, to put your arms around his neck and press yourself closer to him as his hands ranged over you, trying to touch as much of you as he could reach before you slipped through his fingers yet again.

He pulled at your clothes, your mouth separating from his only long enough to get your shirts off, and you moaned into him, fingers fumbling with his pants, pulling the waistband down to free his already hard and aching cock. He palmed you through your shorts, your cunt so hot and wet he could feel it through the fabric and if he thought too long about what being inside you would feel like, he was going to come before he even had a chance to fuck you.

Your hand wrapped around his length and you started working him, making him groan and you seemed hellbent on trying to move closer to him somehow, practically squirming as you worked yourself against his hand while pulling yourself toward him.

“I’ve got you baby,” he said, breathless, as he tugged your shorts down, watching with rapt attention as your skin was revealed to him. You were glistening between your thighs and he groaned at the sight, tossing your shorts and panties aside before he teased your little, swollen clit.

“Fuck,” you panted, closing your eyes for a moment. “Holy… I need…”

“What?” He asked after a moment, working your clit harder. “What do you need, baby?”

“You inside me,” your eyes opened again, your pupils blown. Your hips moved almost of their own accord against him and he moaned. “Please Joel, please, fuck, it hurts, I need…”

“Take what you need,” he said, cock aching so bad he thought he might explode with hit.

You just nodded before moving to straddle him. He sat back against the headboard and took your waist in his hands as your dripping slit brushed against his leaking head, his hips involuntarily jerking up toward you at the temptation of you there, hot and wet and wanting.

Your eyes met his - so wide and vulnerable - before you lined him up with your grasping entrance and took him inside yourself in one, swift motion,

He gasped at the feeling of it, how your velvet tightness made room for him inside of you, how your walls stretched over him, how you were so warm and soft inside, your wetness already making a mess of him.

“Fuck, you feel good,” he breathed, watching you closely. “So goddamn good…”

You just gave him a strangled little moan as you looked down between your bodies to where he was entering you, panting for breath. You rolled your hips against him, slowly and deliberately at first, pulling a groan from him that made him thankful you were in some shitty hotel room and not home where his daughter would hear him because he didn’t think he could stop it if he tried. He didn’t want to stop it. He wanted to let himself get lost in you and your body and your pleasure until the only thought left in his mind was you.

You started to ride him in earnest then, your pace increasing, your clit finding his pubic bone and grinding against him there as he thrust up into you, finding those deep, soft places inside your tight heat, places that made your channel start to flutter over him in little shocks of pleasure.

He watched as you stifled your moan as he hit one of those places inside of you and he pressed there deeper, harder, holding you to him for a moment before his thumb moved to your clit, working you in tight circles.

“Want to hear you, baby,” he panted before kissing and sucking at the tender skin of your throat. “Don’t gotta be quiet here, lemme hear you.”

You nodded quickly, desperately, and his hands ran up your back as you arched into him, fingers digging into your flesh, guiding you over him as you rode him hard and fast and he met you stroke for stroke. You moaned, your body tightening around him and he took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking and teasing and turning your moan into a needy little cry.

“That’s it baby,” he panted against your skin. “Just take it. Come for me, make yourself come on my cock, c’mon.”

Your movements became faster, more uncertain, your pussy so tight around him it would probably hurt in any other context but because it was you, like this, it was heaven.

“Joel!” You cried, burying him deep inside as you exploded around him, your muscles throbbing over him. He held you close and tight and drank in the sight and sound of your pleasure for a moment before giving over to his own, coming hard and deep inside of you, rope after seemingly endless rope of his spend spilling into you.

He held you close and tight like that as the two of you came back down from your shared high, buried inside you where it felt so much like he belonged he thought his heart might burst with it.

Eventually, you sat back from him, your eyes searching his for a moment, a hint of panic at the edges. He ignored the sting in his chest that came with that and instead just cupped your cheek.

“It’s OK baby,” he said softly. “I’ve got you.”

You just watched him for another moment before you nodded and slowly, gently, pulled yourself away from him, settling against him on the bed.

He had the fleeting thought that he should go, get a washcloth, clean the two of you up but he couldn’t bring himself to move, afraid if he lost this closeness with you now he might never get it back. Instead, he stayed there, trailing his fingers up and down your bare arm as he held you.

“What are we doing?” You asked quietly, eventually. “We can’t keep doing this, Joel, we have responsibilities, we’re not teenagers anymore, there are kids involved now, we….”

“Why do we have to be doing something?” He asked, adjusting so he could actually look at you.

You pulled back from him, frowning a little.

“What?”

“Why can’t we just…” he paused, trying to find the words. Words he shouldn’t say but that he couldn’t seem to stop. “We’re basically living together. We have so much else goin’ on right now it’s not like we’re dating anyone. Why don’t we just…”

He trailed off, hoping you’d fill in the rest.

“Do you mean like…” You paused. “Friends with benefits or something?”

“Yeah,” he said, even though calling you that felt so wrong that it was something like blasphemy. “Then we can just… do this when we need it. Don’t need to be a big deal, it can just…”

“Right,” you said, looking from his face to his chest before nodding. “Yeah… That… we can try that. As long as you promise it won’t ruin things with us. I can’t lose you again, Joel. I just can’t.”

“I know, baby,” he said quietly, kissing your forehead. “Can’t lose you, either.”

“OK,” you said softly, nuzzling closer. “Friends.”

“With benefits,” he said.

“With benefits,” you said.

The term felt so wrong that it took time to settle in him, reducing what he felt for you to something as simple as just friendship with sex. But there was something hopeful in him, too. Something that clung, vicious and hard, to the thought that he could have this with you, live in that place between worlds where he could pretend that you were his when he came home to you because he got to fit himself inside you every night. This, he thought, would be worth the destruction.

He tried to dwell on the comfort of that as the two of you got packed the next morning, moving slowly but in sync with each other in the small room, one bed stained with beer and the other your indiscretions.

Joel had given up hope that Anna would show - glad he hadn’t told you that he’d given Josh the room number so you wouldn’t be let down by it - when he carried your bags to the car in the morning but froze when he saw your brother-in-law standing outside an Uber, his arms crossed, watching the hotel room door. Joel just gave him a nod before going to put the bags in the trunk, Josh meeting him there.

“Didn’t think you were comin’,” Joel said, closing the lid with a little too much force.

Josh nodded slowly, staring at Joel’s feet.

“Needed to talk things through with her first,” he said before meeting his eyes. “I didn’t know any of that shit, swear I didn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t have… I guess it doesn’t matter. I talked with her. She told me everything. I think everything, anyway.”

Joel just nodded, giving him a chance to continue on his own terms.

“I’m not good for her right now,” he said. “Shit, probably never was but I’m smart enough to know better now and I love her too much to let her get hurt because of me.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” Joel asked. “Because saying that kind of shit don’t mean much if you just keep letting it happen.”

“You’re right,” Josh said. “She’s in the car. She agreed to go home with you guys and go to rehab. Back to rehab, I guess.”

Joel nodded again, looking toward the car, just making out the outline of Anna sitting in the back through the tinted window.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Joel said.

“Is she here?” Josh asked. Joel jerked his thumb toward the hotel room but Josh shook his head. “Not… I mean the baby. Ellie? Is she here?”

“No,” Joel said. “She’s home, with my brother. He’s takin’ good care of her, he watched my daughter plenty when she was Ellie’s age.”

Josh clenched his jaw but nodded anyway.

“Probably for the best,” he said. “I’m not… I should figure my own shit out before I meet her. But I want to. I will. I’m going to.”

Joel wasn’t sure he believed him but then, he’d done plenty to try to make himself worthy of being Sarah’s dad. Maybe Josh had it in him, too.

“Joel, do you have the…”

You fell silent as you came up beside him, one hand in your bag like you were looking for something, your mouth open in shock when you realized who he was standing with.

“Hey sis,” Josh smiled awkwardly.

“Hey,” you said quietly, eyes wide.

“Anna’s in the car,” he said. “We talked. She’s going to head back with you, figure shit out.”

“Yeah?” You asked, voice wet.

“Yeah,” Josh said. “It’s… it’s the right thing. Just… don’t be too hard on her. She’s hurting.”

“I won’t,” you said quickly. “I’m sorry I said what I did last night, I didn’t…”

“It’s OK,” Anna said. Joel hadn’t even noticed her getting out of the car but she was there now, one arm crossed protectively over herself. “I know I didn’t give you much choice.”

“Anna,” you breathed before all but throwing yourself at her, flinging your arms around her neck to pull her close. “I’m so glad you’re OK.”

She laughed wetly as she hugged you back.

“Yeah, me too.”

Josh went to help her get her things from the Uber and you looked to Joel, drying your eyes on your wrists.

“How’d you do it?” You asked quietly.

He shrugged.

“Don’t think I did much of anything at all,” he said, watching you closely. “Just told her the truth.”

“Whatever you did,” you said, stepping closer to him. “Thank you.”

You hugged him, your arms wrapping around him and he could feel every line of your body against his and he held you close. He couldn’t help but hold you close.

“‘Course, baby,” he said. “Do anything for you.”

He tried not to think about how true that was or how much that scared him as he gathered you up and took you and your sister home, where you belonged.

Next Chapter

A/N: I'm so sorry this took an eternity to write. My carpel tunnel flared up something fierce and put me out of commission for a while. Thank you so much for being patient!

Goldie and Joel are doing... something. It's something. I promise they're getting somewhere, they really are! There are just a few more bumps in the road until they do. I just really love writing these two as they work through these long-held assumptions and insecurities! Thank you for wanting to be there for it.

Love you!

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #halcyon #joel miller x oc #joel miller smut

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