#andy was part of the night witches and no one can change my mind about it

[cryhardanddanceharder]

I found this thread in twitter about the Night Witches and it made me think again about how Andy probably was part of them in the Word War II.

So, here have some facts:

They were female millitary aviators of the 588th Night Bomber Regiment, known later as the 46th "Taman" Guards Night Bomber Aviation Regiment, of the Soviet Air Forces1 ("Taman" for their outstanding performance during the heavy air combat in the Taman Peninsula in 1943, Battle of the Kuban Crossing)

The regiment was composed primarily of female volunteers in their late teens and early twenties. (Andy being the regiment commander of teens and early twenties young women? Yes, I would like to see that!!)

They practically carried out suicidal missions, but they came to cause terror among the Nazis. The strategy used by the 588th was harassment, carrying out night bombardments of the camps where the German army was resting and their surroundings. An attack technique involved idling the engine near the target and gliding to the bomb-release point with only wind noise left to reveal their presence. German soldiers likened the sound to broomsticks and hence named the pilots "Night Witches". (Suicidal missions? Andy I see you doing those missions, dying, surviving and keep going. Not even caring when the regiment was starting to be called "night witches" by other people and the risk it could mean to you in case they found out about your immortality. Also always remembering how Quynh's destiny was ruined by being acussed of witchcraft and being cautious about the tittle but also proud of it.)

They flew in precarious planes, to the point that they were actually used for fumigation. Without a parachute (until 1944), without radio and with an open cabin, they could only carry two bombs so the flights were constant even with the enormous risk that it entailed. Still they were spectacular. (Without parachute? Yes, we know you don't need one Andromache "we don't need a pilot, we can jump and survive" the Scythian)

They used all the disadvantages of their planes as strengths: they were very quiet, maneuverable and flew so low that it was very difficult for the superior Nazi planes to shoot them down. Their attacks themselves were low intensity, but they generated a lot of damage, especially mental, because they never knew when a bomb could fall on them. The Nazis had to create a special night combat regiment to counter them. (Andy knowing how to find strengths in the disadvantages to kill nazis? Of course, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn")

They carried out more than 23,000 combat flights and dropped 3,000 tons of bombs. It was the most decorated female unit in the Soviet Air Force. Each pilot could have flown in more than 1,100 missions until the end of the war and twenty-three of its components got to obtain the title of Hero of the Soviet Union. (I'm sure Andy, being iconic as she is, recieved the tittle of Hero of the Soviet Union)

[neptune-stars]

hey darlings it’s samhain today so here’s a little fic i wasn’t sure what to do w for the occasion!! mwah sorry for the angst

———————————————————————

when sirius was eleven, he walked up to the hat and requested gryffindor.

“your ambition will be the end of you,” said the hat, but put him into gryffindor anyways.

sirius, while in school, could not figure out what that meant, because he wasn’t particularly ambitious. he supposed he liked pranks well enough, but they weren’t his entire life, and he liked pissing off his parents, but he wasn’t going to make a career out of that either.

it came to him suddenly, and when it did, the world stayed the same.

james potter met sirius black when they were barely eleven and defended him against some snotty greasy boy on the train. james potter didn’t care that sirius was a black, didn’t care that sirius’ family was dark - he didn’t mind that sirius wasn’t all that light either.

see, sirius would lay down his life for just about anyone really. but there were only two people that he would kill for. that he would love until the end of time.

and one of those people were james potter.

when james died, all the bright and happy and good things in the world died with him. sirius was the one to find him first, his james lying spread eagle across the stairs, wand still in the living room. but james looked peaceful there, like he was ready and happy it was finally over, and sirius wanted nothing more than to go to the afterworld and yank that peacefulness away.

lily is upstairs. her usual bright green eyes are cold in death, red hair surrounding her head like a halo. her collarbone is bleeding something awful, and when he pulls down her shirt a little to see - to stop the bleeding, to stop the blood from sinking into her shirt because it was lily’s favorite sleep shirt, one of marlene’s old ones - he finds a rune, a cross between algiz and six he’s never seen before carved into her skin. her blood is sprinkled around the edges of the room and there is a matching rune on harry’s crib.

harry is alive. he is bleeding sluggishly from the forehead, and he is wailing something awful, but he is alive. sirius picks him up, closes lily’s eyes and closes his own when he walks past james. puts harry carefully into his sidecar, and then hagrid is there and sirius trusts him and and and

he is filled with a vengeance so deep there is nothing that could possibly stop him. he think he would kill dumbledore, voldemort, Lady Magick herself if they got in the way, and he goes after peter with reckless abandon-

he is tricked.

it is such a slytherin move, such a slytherin move for little, mousy peter pettigrew that when the aurors find him he is laughing and laughing and laughing and then he is crying.

alastor is there, staring at him with nothing less than absolute disgust. his mentor, his and james’ mentor, thinks sirius killed james, and that just makes him laugh harder.

he is thrown in azkaban without a trial. it’s cold there, and they only give you one meal a day, and the vengeance still burns but not as bright as his grief.

bellatrix, his big cousin bella, takes him under her wing. she’s a little bit mad, and she tortured his friends to insanity, but she knows he didn’t betray the potters and she know he didn’t kill all those muggles and she still loves him. she protects him, with their cells right next to each other, by telling him story after story until her throat goes dry and she can’t speak another word, like they are children again and walburga and druella are screaming and banging on the other side of the door while they hide from their mother’s rage.

“why did you do it, bella?” he asks her one day, when his brain is particularly loud. “why did you kill all those people? those innocents?”

“i didn’t mean too,” she says, and she sounds terribly small. “the dark - it’s seducing, sirius. it pulls you in until you can’t get out.”

the death eaters all come from broken homes, homes where there parents were still together in loveless marriages and their mothers liked to scream and slap and fathers like stone cold silence and quiet crucio’s. the dark arts is a savior, a winning, something to help them get away from suffocating under the stress of it all.

it doesn’t help, sirius thinks, that muggle studies is so behind. sirius thinks a lot in azkaban and he thinks that muggle studies class should be mandatory, because most of the death eaters are convinced muggles are still burning witches and wizards at the stake.

“will you kill him?” asks bella another day. “the man who betrayed you, and cousin james?”

sirius thinks of all the people he killed during the war. he thinks about the small part of him that thought it had been fun, literally ripping out spines and burning them from the inside out and back again. he had insisted it was for justice, justice for marlene and dorcas and mary and gideon and fabian and benjy, but now he isn’t so sure.

“yes,” he says. “i will.”

when the ten year mark hits, bella screams in her cell, screams and screams and slowly the rest of prison fills with it too. the next day, in the courtyard, she shows him her arm, the tattoo that was almost faded and now is turning black again.

“he’s coming,” she says, but she does not sound happy. she sounds tired.

“promise me something,” she says later that night. “promise me, when we get out of here, because you know we all will - promise me you’ll aim to kill. i can’t keep going on mad, killing people just for their blood.”

he stares at her, his cousin bella. he remembers when they were just kids, reading in the library and skating on ice in bella’s back yard in the winter, and then later, in hogwarts, when he would find her cursing muggle-borns and half bloods and blood traitors alike. he didn’t recognize her then but he recognizes her now, as his scared, tired big cousin, more like his mum than his mum ever was.

“i promise,” he says. “now promise me the same.”

“you have a godson,” she says. “you must protect him.”

“promise me,” he insists.

she does.

the day before he escapes, he hugs her tight in the courtyard. she hugs him back, hands shaking, and when he sneaks out in dog form she gives him a shaky nod.

the ambition to protect james failed, so now he will do so with harry. the last potter.

harry flies like his dad, maybe even more, with completely recklessness and only the smallest amount of control. harry throws witty comments at draco malfoy and winks at cho chang in the air and all sirius can see is james.

“he’s a werewolf!” hermione granger explodes, pointing to remus, and sirius thinks he is the only one who sees harry’s look of yeah, obviously.

(later, harry will confide in sirius that he figured it out the moment he saw remus’ boggart.)

“i don’t think my dad would’ve wanted his best mates to become murderers, thanks,” says harry, still sarcastic and still so james even as he protects the man who made him an orphan.

sirius does not have the heart to tell him he already is one, and apparently neither does remus, but they back down anyways.

sirius thinks the next two years pass in a blue he barely remembers. he went to the caribbean for a little while, ate good until he was almost healthy and glowed with a light tan. he went back to dreary Scotland because harry was being hunted, again, and he remembers, distantly, living in a cave, watching harry in dog form as he slammed into the ground, a dead boy held tight in his hands.

dumbledore sends him right back to the dursley’s, and sirius wants to kill him. harry does not get grief counseling, or therapy, or to be surrounded by people he loves, because he is harry potter and it is not easy, being him.

sirius moves back into his old, childhood home, and stares at the spot on the living room floor where he had been tortured before he ran away. he throws up in the bathroom where he and bella used to hide.

he cleans the drawing room, where he and andi used to stare at the inter crossing lines, andi promising “i won’t be on there one day, just you wait.” he cleans the kitchen, where he and cissa used to flurry around with kreacher, throwing flour and sugar at each other while they attempted to make cookies.

he walks through the halls, where he and regulus used to chase eachother, to the stairs, where he used to slide down the curling banister, to the cell, where he used to get locked up.

harry comes to grimmauld and he yells at his friends - rightfully so - and then yells some more at dinner, and then he cries. he cries in the living room, in his bedroom, in the kitchen, in the drawing room, on the staircase. he cries when sirius hugs him and he cries when remus pats his shoulder and he cries and he cries and he cries and sirius just has to sit there and listen, because he can do nothing else.

it is quiet when harry leaves for school. sirius drinks a lot of firewhiskey and smokes a lot of hidden cigarettes and it is lonely even after harry comes back for yule time because then he leaves again.

hermione writes him a letter and says harry doesn’t cry anymore. now he’s angry all the time, at dumbledore for ignoring him and cedric for dying and his friends for not understanding and his parents for killing themselves so he could live, at himself for living-

on june eighteenth, sirius wakes up for the last time. he brushes his teeth and uses whiskey as mouth wash for the last time, eats blueberry pancakes for the last time, pets buckbeak and kisses remus for the last time and-

he hugs harry for the last time. there is a voice whispering in his head that he knows it is today, today he will finally rest, so he hugs his godson extra tight.

bella is there. she looks insane, with her hair spiked up and eyes bright, but when she looks at him her smile softens a little bit.

“you promised,” she mouths.

“so did you,” he says back, and they duel.

she doesn’t want to kill him. she hits him with a stupefy, but the veil is just behind him, and he falls through it.

harry is screaming bloody murder, heartbroken and pleading, and wrestles with remus who is trying to hold him back. it’s like the whole world stopped, and bella is looking at him, meets his eyes one last time, and says loudly, clearly, “i promise.”

he says thank you, i forgive you, i love you, with his eyes, and then he falls faster and lands hard on the ground.

“blimey, mate,” says a voice. “you really are clumsy, even when you’re dead.”

james potter grabs his hand and pulls him up, regulus holding his shoulder, and sirius begins to cry.

[the-roanoke-society]

now i have a story that i’d like to tell...

about this guy you all know him, he had me scared as hell! / he comes to me at night after i crawl into bed / he's burnt up like a weenie and his name is fred!

horror aus part trois. part one can be found here, and two, here. all warnings and disclaimers still apply--as does the love.

do you dare dare journey below the cut...?

it’s a long way down, a long way down - a holy hell au inspired by the creep series

there are stories are stories on stories on stories about matches made in heaven. about two pure souls destined for the other, finally reaching a ‘happily ever after’ after going through trials and tribulations that, honestly, are played out and boring.

that’s exactly what fergus macleod would tell you, anway.

he’s been inhabiting his mortal coil for a few decades now, engaging in his favorite activity--serial murder.

but lately, something has--gone out.

he’s lost his light. his passion for killing.

so he gets an idea, and puts out an ad for a videographer.

he’ll make a documentary, he decides. a magnum opus to relight the blood and the violence that had brought him so much joy over the years.

what he didn’t expect was andi.

not her beauty. not her courage. not her wit, sharp enough to make a god bleed.

and not her fangs, and a thirst to rival his--even if her moral compass was a bit more lawful.

enough of stories about matches made in heaven.

talk to me about a match made in hell.

(these--particular films are not easy watches, though i personally enjoy them. the sequel is my favorite, but remember when i said ‘explicit sexuality’ in the first warning post? the especially applies to creep 2. when i imagined this au it was less in-line with the main narrative of the movies and more, say, a meet-cute story you’d overhear at an addams’ family function.)

mini soundtrack sampler includes: lovelytheband, ‘buzz cut’ + catfish & the bottlemen, ‘longshot’ + albert natural, ‘sara loves her juicy fruit’

red sun rises like an early warning - an ancient cares au inspired by sleepy hollow

sleepy hollow was often called a “sleepy” village, in the way that meant that nothing ever happened there. marie van tassel, daughter of the richest man in town--and immediately intrigued by the arrival of one police constable walter vaughn, sent all the way from new york city--would disagree. especially in recent years.

the headless horseman had returned.

and marie, for all the occult studying she’d done far from the gaze of her father’s watchful eyes, still so haunted after her mother’s brutal and untimely passing--couldn’t figure out why.

she knew exactly who he was. what he was. but why had he returned? what had woken him?

and could see really be that mournful, when it had sprung start the machinations of fate that brought walter right to her doorstep?

“i have shed my tears for boom... and yet my heart is not broken. do you think me wicked?”

“no... but perhaps there is a little bit of witch in you, marie.”

“walter, why do you say that?”

“because you have bewitched me.”

mini soundtrack sampler includes: frank sinatra, ‘witchcraft’ + creedence clearwater revival, ‘i put a spell on you’ + the rolling stones, ‘sympathy for the devil’

drunk and driven by a devil’s hunger - a safety nets au inspired by apostle, co-starring @agent-thorn​

it was only five years into the birth of an entirely new century, and her twin brother had been taken; her father, lost in his grief, was utterly useless.

it was all up to parker jensen.

she found a fake pass easy enough, slyly dancing her way through conversations with began with “you know, i don’t remember seeing you at any of the prayer meetings...” until finally, finally, they reached that accursed island.

she’d never been to wales before.

she had no idea what to expect.

what are you supposed to expect, when you’re all alone on a solo rescue mission going toe-to-toe with what can only be described as a cult?

but ivar--son of the enigmatic priest of the island, malcolm--was a nice surprise.

the only nice surprise that she’d find.

it wasn’t until she caught jeremy, sneaking home after what she could only guess had something to do with ffion, that she got her first flash of what would be a more and more grisly truth.

this island had its own god.

and something much more sinister than genesis had happened on this soil.

mini soundtrack sampler includes: bakar, ‘hell n back’ + mumford & sons, ‘little lion man’ + neil reid, ‘mother of mine’

let that fever make the water rise - a grace & choice au inspired by the ritual

it was supposed to be like a vacation. diana hadn’t had one in at least fifteen years. vida, even longer.

so why not hiking? why not the kungsleden--the king’s trail--in northern sweden?

the first two days were bliss. nothing but rolling hills, clear skies. up until:

“ah fuck!”

“vida--shit, vida, are you okay?”

“yeah, i’m--urk!”

“all right, that was not a reassuring noise, let’s have a look at that--”

vida’s left knee went from pink to a swollen blue to an agonized, deep purple tinged with green over the course of next day. diana couldn’t bear to watch her struggle to keep up, especially when this was supposed to be a romantic break, nothing as taxing as the fieldwork happening back home.

by the light of a campfire, diana studied their map, humming. “what if we just cut through the forest?” she asked. “if we just went as the crow flies... it cuts the time in half. and you need medical attention, vida, we can’t keep going on like this.”

“has the battalion cleared this area?” vida returned her question with one of her own, eyes shining. the reflection of the fire made them look like stones polished by a river. “we wouldn’t run into anything, would we?”

diana smiled. “nothing we couldn’t handle, love, i’m sure.”

and diana didn’t change her mind when they set off the next morning... up until they found the disembowled carcass of an elk, placed up high in a tree like a religious icon.

she thought of morgan.

“diana, what--what put that up there? something had to have put that up there!”

mini soundtrack sampler includes: billie eilish, ‘bury a friend’ + two feet, ‘i feel like i’m drowning’ + coldplay, ‘paradise’

you can hear the river from my burial bed - a secret gardens au inspired by the legends of slenderman & mercy black, co-starring @agent-hood​

she wouldn’t say she wouldn’t remember. she did.

it was just that caroline janson had been in therapy for so long... she was no longer sure what of shards of her memories were real, and what would be, as dr. ward would say, hallucinations.

but she knew one thing: she was glad to be coming home.

“i hope chicken’s okay for your first night back,” parker began gently. “i’m just now realizing i forgot to ask--”

caroline smiled at her, “chicken would be great.”

she watched parker’s profile, as she opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. finally, she inhaled, then began, “you know... carter’s missed you since you’ve been gone...”

caroline rolled her eyes. “parker. it’s been a decade and a half. i seriously doubt it.”

“hey, who knows my brother better right now, me or you?”

that earned a huff... and a grin. subdued, but still there. “... okay. fine. but... maybe not tonight.” parker glanced at her once, and nodded.

“i understand. besides, maybe i want you all to myself for the first few days, anybody think about that?”

and caroline laughed.

and she wished that it felt like she wasn’t still being haunted.

mini soundtrack sampler includes:  oingo boingo, ‘dead man’s party’ + shaed, ‘trampoline’ + corrina repp, ‘only a beat’

don’t let it shake your steady thread-cutting hand - a royals & robots au inspired by kristy

it was hardly tilde’s idea to spend thanksgiving alone harvard. but between the pandemic, the weather, and her own growing agitation at her father’s behavior...

it just seemed easier.

and it wasn’t all bad. she still had prudence, who opted to stay with her out of love (and perhaps a lack of family--but she didn’t ask). and they had run of essentially the entire campus--there were several buildings that stayed opened, even over the holiday. the library being one.

but it wasn’t until one night, when they made a late night trip to a convenience store not far from tilde’s housing that things became... strange.

“pru. ... pru!” she whispered, snacks in one hand, the other on pru’s elbow. “... i think she’s following us.”

“she?” pru asked, lowly, careful to keep her eyes down, as if they were just having a very, very difficult time decided on what kind of poptarts they wanted.

tilde, face oddly blanched, couldn’t find her voice, so she just nodded.

at the end of the aisle, a figure in dark hoodie and skinny jeans passed out of view.

one of pru’s arms went around tilde’s waist. “don’t worry. i’m sure she’s just here at the same time as us. it’s a small store.”

tilde would remember that when she got home in time to find a snuff film loaded onto her laptop.

“oh shit--oh shit, oh god--!”

this is why she preferred halloween.

mini soundtrack sampler includes: yeah yeah yeahs, ‘heads will roll’ + rihanna, ‘disturbia’ + nonono, ‘pumpin’ blood’

[bloodandpaintchips]

Home

Tagging→ Andrea Sheldon, Johnny Arcos Time Frame→ October 30th, 2020 Location→ Sangren, Colorado General Notes→ Some things to rely on.

Andrea sat outside of her father’s house for a while. Her entire mindset about coming home had surrounded him and again, in such a short time since meeting her mom, she had to rethink her moves entirely. She was getting sick of the rollercoaster, but something in her brain told her it was her own fault for avoiding things for so long. She could have been over this hump, continuing to think Audra was dead and having hobbies. Shaking her head, she put the car in drive and took off, her blue van bouncing down the residential street.

She went to Johnny’s without even thinking about it. She hadn’t planned to show up unannounced on his doorstep asking for a place to live, but her options weren’t vast. Grabbing her duffle bag from behind the seat, Andy stopped the car and got out. She didn’t sit and think about it, she was tired of that and needed a best friend. When she got up to his door, she knocked three times and exhaled.

At the knocks, Johnny lifted his head from where he let it drop to the back of the couch so he could eye the door. Sprawled out in his living room in nothing but boxers and covered with the inked lines of tomorrow's spells, he had been feeling restless for the past few hours - something in his blood that he was not quite able to recognize, not quite anxiety, not quite the moon tugging up the tides... 

"Coming," he said to no one as he pushed himself to his feet. Once at the door, he cracked it opened and, with one eye, took in the sad sight of Andy, long-absent, very-missed, tired-eyed and still wearing those shoes. "My Raggedy One." He let the door fall open completely and beckoned her in with a wave of his hand. "How was your trip?"

Unable to stop her smile, Andy walked in at his invitation and set her bag down by the door. After what felt like a barrage of rejections it felt great to feel the familiarity of his energy and to be let in with no questions asked. That’s what she expected with him, but it was nice to have those expectations met. At his question she sighed and closed the space between them to hug, despite the marks all over him. “Kinda sucked, actually,” she replied, pulling away and shrugging. “I met a lot of assholes, pretended to be different people, was hungry a lot and also I met my mom. How was...home?”

The cool press of her against him was already familiar, he didn't miss any warmth at all, so he just hugged her back just as tightly and let her go when she was ready. "Assholes... Your mother... Have you eaten?" He walked to his forgotten bowl and box of cereal on the coffee table and beckoned at her again, the cat jumping up suddenly into the empty seat meant for Andy. "Home was nice. I did not see my grandmother. The forest misses her."

Andrea took that as a cue to greet the cat, wrapping the black mass into her arms and sitting down once she was holding her. She stroked her head and scratched her ears while she listened to him speak. “I ate enough,” she answered, letting the cat reposition in her lap. “That’s...good, right? I don’t miss the forest. I missed you. Missed Sangren in the fall. Missed my dad, which actually kinda brings me to something I wanted to ask. My dad doesn’t, um, want me home anymore. Well it’s not my home anymore I guess.” She rolled her eyes at herself and let the cat slip out of her lap. “I’m asking if I can move in?” A pleading smile was added for good measure.

Watching on fondly as the cat was coddled and cuddled, Johnny tried not to be too surprised by Andy's words. After all, he missed her, too, though she wasn't gone too long. Still... It took a moment still for her words to catch up to him and he frowned thoughtfully at her. "Of course. The second bedroom is yours - what happened to your father? He has not died, has he?"

Andy relaxed a little more in the seat, smiling at him and leaning on her knees. “Cool. Thanks. And no, he’s not dead. He looked at me like I was dead though,” she told him, followed by a hollow laugh. “Since I came home I thought I’d better just rip the band-aid off and tell him what I am. It was the only way we could move forward. At first he thought I needed psychological help by the look of his face, and then when I proved it to him, he…” She ran a hand through her hair and made eye-contact with Johnny, mustering a kind of pathetic smile. “He said I wasn’t Andy anymore. Asked me to leave.”

"Ah, păpuşă," he sighed, folding his hands together in his lap. She looked as young as she ever looked, as lost as she was ever lost and Johnny felt regret that he could offer her no more than his home and simple words. "This town... many are still in so much doubt about this town." He shook his head. Simple words. "But here, you are with me; we will fix things together. Now, tell me of your mother. What about her made you want to reveal so much to your father?"

Kicking her shoes off, she brought her legs up to cross them under her. “Yeah. He went from not believing me to knowing I wasn’t me anymore. Funny.” She shrugged, a smile creeping onto her face again at his words. “Okay. We’ll fix things together.” When he mentioned her mom, she huffed and let herself fall against the back of the couch, silent for a few moments while she figured out where to start. “I feel like there’s so much to say about her and yet not much at all. I don’t know. It took almost five years to find her and I don’t know what I was expecting but I wish I could take all that time back. She’s alive. Didn’t want to be found. She uh...kinda called me pathetic to my face. She called my dad boring and said she never wanted to have me.” Andrea felt her eyes welling and then a bit of anger at how the disappointment still affected her. “She’s a witch. She had enchanted windows and mirrors and the sun shone in this mansion and I could feel it on my skin. It was so magical to be such a symbol of her negligence. And she was so beautiful too. I could see myself in her features and I hated it.”

It made sense that her mother was a witch; if not dead, then yes, a witch sounds correct. His brethren were often flighty. He couldn't help but think of his own mother, but dashed the thought from his mind. He reached a hand out and twirled his fingers over and over, pulling neon strings of sugar from nothing until he could hand over a fluff of cotton candy to her, a reminder of a lighter time. "She sounds clever. And selfish. Did you talk long?"

“Yeah, she’s both those things I guess.” She fiddled with one of her bracelets and shook her head. “That night she went missing, she turned. She saw it as an out, so she let us believe she was dead. Those childhood memories I have of her that were so sweet...they’re just buried under the narrative that she was merely ‘trying out’ motherhood. When she got tired of it, she didn’t even hesitate because of me. With my dad I get it, romantic love can be fleeting I guess. But nothing kept her here. If anything I made her want to leave more.” She smirked at the cotton candy, bringing it to her lips and letting some of the sugar melt on her tongue. “We talked long enough. My questions were answered. It sucked but they were answered.”

Johnny furrowed his brow in confusion, stuck on one part of her statements. "Turned? One cannot be turned into a witch."

Andrea laughed, throwing her head back and turning to Johnny with a smile. “My bad, she is also a vampire. She’s both. Can you imagine?”

"Ah." He deliberately smoothed his features and leaned back. He tried to wrap his mind around it - he hadn't met many like Andy's mother, the first coming to mind was the owner of Tartarus, Helena... Old and frightening as she was, he still couldn't fully imagine. "I cannot speak on children nor will I give excuses for the way she has treated you, but none of this is surprising, given the nature of my kind. It pains me that it pains you." He held his hand out to her.

She finished off the cotton candy, pursing her lips as he spoke. “Yeah, I don’t know. I truly thought pushing a kid out of your vaginal opening would mean you have some love for them but people have killed their kids so I guess I should have known that doesn’t automatically come with it.” She gladly took his hand in both of hers, focusing on its skin while she gathered her thoughts again. “I know it’s my fault. I built her up. I thought she was a missing ingredient in my life for so long and I had no idea she was any kind other than human. It was blindsiding. But also I kind of think she was just rude. Maybe she couldn’t understand me, but she didn’t have to be a bitch about it,” she said, laughing a little. Her laughter about all this was so dry and a little sad. It was all funny to re-tell, but in a self-depreciating and ironic way. A waste of five years for a rude conversation.

"I do not understand how you're at fault for loving your mother, Andy. Everyone grows up with heroes, everyone idolizes their good memories. You did nothing but be her daughter and she was nothing but a failure," Johnny reasoned, stroking his thumb back and forth across her fingers. "But yes, I agree that the rudeness is a step too much."

Andrea simply looked at him, smile still in place. “You know, I think I really needed to hear that. I think I just really need to be here right now.” She finally let go of his hand, slapping her own on her thighs and looking around. “Your place looks gorgeous. Can you show me my room?”

He looked back at her, mirroring her smile with a slight curling of his lips. "Of course. I forget when I changed things around, but you'll like it." He stood and padded into the open space between the kitchen and the dining table. He didn't wait for her to follow, merely moved through a doorway that led to a small office space. "For what ever reason, the room decided to curve, so I let it. We'll need blackout curtains or..." He lifted a hand and the wide window over the desk thinned some. "And around this corner, the bed." He led her along the curving wall until they stood in the middle of the bedroom.

The luxurious floorplan was nothing like she was used to, her and her father’s cluttered Victorian flashing in her mind. It really felt different, in an exciting way. She was hurt, but as Johnny fussed about the room and updates he would make, this felt like a new chapter that she was curious about. “I like the curve. A lot,” she responded, taking in the bedroom once they were completely in it. “Your space is so beautiful. This is like the Ritz-Carlton to me right now. Should be interesting for it to become home.”

He glanced at her carefully, wanting her reaction to the space. She looked interested and said as much, but he couldn't help but want to give her - promise her more. "Do whatever you like with it, my Raggedy One. There's always a place for you here."

[ivybucky]

soft (s.r)

prompt: it was cold and rainy. it was near perfect. the company of a blond super soldier would make things a whole damn lot better.

A/N: this is literally just to satisfy the mood i’m feeling right now with this weather. i’ve noticed literally all of my steve fics start with s and i dont know how to stop

Current Masterlist

author: abby

words: 1473

pairing: steve rogers x reader

song: in the arms of love - andy williams

“Hey FRIDAY,” you’re muffled call from under your covers sounded to the AI. “What’s my schedule like today?”

“You’re meeting with Captain Rogers has been cancelled and training with Sergeant Barnes is pushed back until he returns from his mission tomorrow. You have a day off, Agent Y/L/N.” You silently thanked whatever gods were out there that you didn’t have to get up at that moment. 

“Perfect. Now, what’s the weather going to be like today?” 

“Thunderstorms started last night and are going to continue well into tomorrow morning. It’s also going to be pretty cold today.”

“So I have nothing to do today AND it’s raining? FRIDAY, open the blinds, and lock my door. I don’t want anyone barging in today.”

“Would you like me notify you when someone is approaching your door?”

After agreeing to that, you continued what you were doing. Relaxing. Rainy days were your favorite, but with your line of work, you hardly ever got to enjoy them. But now a day off presented itself. 

For a few minutes, you just continued to lie in your bed, allowing your body to sink further into your blankets with every deep breath. Your thoughts started wonder and you couldn’t help but think about the blond super soldier who made your day. 

Steve and you had been best friends for a while and recently, you felt your feelings start to change. You acted a bit more shy around him than you did before. He’d been distancing himself and you had begun to see your best friend less and less. And now, while you were glad you had the day off, you felt a little sad your meeting with him had been canceled. That’s when you had a thought. 

“FRIDAY? Did Steve say why the meeting was cancelled?” You pondered. 

“He mentioned to Mr. Stark that he was gonna give you the day off because it was raining.”

You smiled. Steve purposefully knew you’d want to sleep in and relax for once. You grabbed your phone to text him. 

“Can we hang out today? I feel like I haven’t seen in forever.”

“I thought you’d want the day to yourself since it’s raining.”

“For you I can make an exception,” you grinned as you pressed send on your message, letting yourself flirt a little more than you usually would. 

“I’ll be up in a bit.”

You moved out of your bed to put on a record, some smooth old jazz to match with the mood you were feeling today. Feeling the temperature of the room drop due to the weather outside, you put on a sweatshirt you stole from Steve a while back and some fuzzy socks with some soft pajama shorts. You grabbed your sketchbook off your desk and placed it on the brown leather chair placed next to the wall-sized window you had in your room. 

“FRIDAY, let Steve in when he comes.” you called, as you headed into your bathroom to brush your teeth and fix the mop of a bun you had after a night’s sleep. 

Steve knocked and entered the room, taking in the soft mood of the scene before him. The lights were off but the grey light from the day outside was enough to brighten the room. That and the smile you gave when you saw him. 

“Hi Stevie,” you sweetly greeted from your sink drying your face after washing it. You looked down at his hands full with a sketchbook and two mugs. “What’s this?” you questioned.

Steve blushed a little before handing you on of the mugs. “Well, I know it’s pretty cold out and peppermint tea is your favorite.” His hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously. You sighed, taking in the smell of the tea and the warmth in your hands. You looked back up at Steve���s slightly pink face before grinning widely. You cupped his cheek and stood on your toes to give his cheek a peck.

“Thanks Stevie, that’s awfully sweet of you,” you practically sang. His face split into a wide grin matching yours. You pointed to his sketchbook before motioning to the two chairs. “Do you wanna do sketch prompts? I’m in the mood to draw today.”

Steve moved to the paired chair a couple feet away from you and smiled. “I hoped we could do that.” he hummed, setting down his matching mug on the table in between you. 

You plopped down on the soft worn chair and threw your legs over the side, pulling the sketch book into your lap. You reached your hand into a jar that sat on the table in between you, filled with small folded up pieces of paper with sketch ideas on them. After rustling around the papers a little you pulled one out and read it. Your face reddened slightly knowing the topic was seated right in front of you. 

“Uh,” you stumbled. “It says draw something you love.” 

Steve’s cheeks reddened once again, coughing to distract his thoughts. “Hmm, okay.”

Both of your pencils started dancing across the page as began outlining your drawings. You thought back to Steve and took a deep breath knowing that this might be the only time you had enough courage to tell him, even if it was a little indirect. 

You started to sketch a raindrop, slightly smeared across a window, but on a larger scale, much like one of the ones clinging to the window next to you. As your gaze wondered, you noticed a small reflection of Steve across from you in a drop. It was distorted, but it was him. You smiled, inspiration streaking through your mind to your fingers as the mirrored the droplet in front of you. 

As the both of you drew, conversation was here and there, talking about the other Avengers, upcoming holidays, and passing inside jokes. Some of the silence was filled with the both of you humming along with Andy Williams and Fred Astaire, occasionally looking up to admire the other. 

As you finished the details on his face, Steve cleared his throat. You looked up at him, smiling. “I think I’m done,” he said almost shyly. 

“Me too,” you sighed shakily, holding the sketch to your heart, before passing it to him face down. He did the same to you, with almost the same amount of hesitation. You both grinned at each other nervously, before you started counting down.

“One,” you breathed.

“Two.”

“Three,” and you both turned the sketchbooks around. You gasped slightly at the image before you, shaky hand coming up to your lips in shock. 

It was you. Steve had drawn you. From the folds of his sweatshirt, your sock covered calves dangling over the chair, to your furrowed concentrated brow and the loose hairs on the back of your neck and the ones framing your face. You didn’t know you had been biting your lips as you drew. You didn’t know you had been so damn concentrated on your drawing of him to not notice him constantly looking at you. Your face flushed red realizing you’d been caught up in the fact that Steve drew you, that you were something he loved, that you hadn’t seen his reaction. Because you drew him. 

Looking up, Steve’s eyes were already on you, his plump lips parted in shock, with the same red you’ve seen multiple times now dusting his cheeks. Your eyes started watering, unable to turn away now, too full with emotion. 

“Steve,” you whispered. He quickly stood up, letting the sketchbook fall into the chair he once was. The sketchbook your lap fell to the ground shifting to face him. He stepped forward resting his hands on the back of your chair, leaning over you and caging you in, before pressing his lips firmly into yours. 

One of your hands cupped his cheek, while the other fell to the back of his neck, running your fingers through the short soft hair. Your lips moved against each other with so much emotion in them, relief and happiness that you both finally knew how the other felt. His soft lips stole the air from your lungs, but you didn’t care. He could take as much as he wanted. But eventually, you both had to come up for air. 

Out of breath, Steve rested his forehead against yours, grinning widely. You matched it, looking up into his eyes, a breath away from you. He pressed his lips to your forehead, sighing. 

“Thank god,” he chuckled. “It was getting hard trying to stay away from you.” You giggled as he picked you up and sat down in your chair, letting you rest against his chest. You hand cupped his cheek again, bringing his face to yours, noses bumping. 

“I’m never letting you go, now.”

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[queen-of-deans-booty]

The End: Part Three

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,207

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“Don’t take it personally,” Dean whispered as 2014!Dean gathered the most important people to talk about this.

“Don’t take it personally?” you hissed. “Apparently, I say yes to that monster, Amara, and you grow up to be a major dick, by the way, who said that he would have killed me on the spot if it hadn’t been for my witch powers to prove that I’m me. So, yeah, I’m taking it personally.”

“So, that's it? That's the Colt?” Risa asked once the door shut behind her. She glared at you but made no further comment about it.

“If anything can kill Lucifer, this is it.”

“Great. Have we got anything that can find Lucifer?” she sneered which caught the attention of future Dean.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, we were in, uh, Jane's cabin last night. And, apparently, we and... Risa have a connection,” Dean answered.

“You want to shut up?” 2014!Dean glared and your boyfriend held his hands up in surrender. 

Everyone in the room seemed to hate your mere presence, but 2014!Dean knew that your powers would come in handy for what they were about to do. “We don't have to find Lucifer. We know where he is. The demon that we caught last week, he was one of the big guy's entourage. He knew.”

“So, a demon tells you where Satan's gonna be, and you just believe it?”

“Oh, trust me, he wasn't lying.”

“And you know this how?” Risa asked with her arms crossed.

“Our fearless leader, I'm afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth,” 2014!Castiel said with a smile.

“Torture? Oh, so, we're—we're torturing again?” Dean asked his double. “No, that's—that's good. Classy.” 2014!Castiel laughed at his words, and 2014!Dean glared at him slightly.

“What? I like past you.”

“Lucifer is here. Now. I know the block and I know the building.”

“Oh, good—it's right in the middle of a hot zone.”

“Crawling with Croats, yeah. You saying my plan is reckless?”

“Are you saying we, uh, walk in straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croats, and we shoot the devil?”

“Yes, but we won’t be alone because we have her,” 2014!Dean said as he pointed to you. All eyes were on you, and you gasped at the insinuation.

“Me? You’re not using me.”

“Yes, we are. You don’t have a choice,” he glared.

“What is she going to do besides cause trouble?” Risa asked.

“She’s pre-Amara which means she has abilities that won’t stand a chance against the Croats. Plus, she’s immune.”

“She’s immune?” Risa freaked.

“Okay, I’m not going to stand here and listen to you raffle me off. I’m going to pretend that you did not just objectify me because you lost me. The only reason I would say yes to Amara is if I had lost everything which included you! So, don’t blame me for your failures, and you’re certainly not going to talk to me that way when you know I can kill you with a flick of my wrist,” you growled lowly.

“Okay, I get why she’s coming,” 2014!Castiel said as he tried to calm everyone down, “but why is he? I mean, he's you five years ago. If something happens to him, you're gone, right?”

“He's coming,” 2014!Dean said as his eyes never left yours. “We're loaded and on the road by midnight.”

“Alrighty,” 2014!Castiel and Risa left the cabin.

“Why are you taking me?” Dean asked which finally tore his double’s eyes away from you.

“Relax. You'll be fine. Zach's looking after you, right?”

“No, that's not what I mean. I want to know what's going on.”

“Yeah, okay. You're coming because I want you to see something. I want you to see our brother.”

“Sam? I thought he was dead,” you said.

“Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'yes'.”

“Wait, you mean—”

“That's right. The big 'yes' to the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.”

“Why would he do that?” Dean gasped in disbelief.

“Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and it's not getting out. And we've got to kill him, Dean. And you need to see it—the whole damn thing, how bad it gets—so you can do it different.”

“What do you mean?”

“Zach said he was gonna bring you back, right? To oh-nine? When you two get back home—you say 'yes'. You hear me? Say 'yes' to Michael and ‘no’ to Amara. She’s bad news, Y/N.”

“That's crazy. If I let him in, then Michael fights the devil. The battle's gonna torch half the planet.”

“What do you mean she’s bad news? She doesn’t give off those vibes to me.”

“You’re still having dreams about her, right?”

“Still?” Dean asked in disbelief. He didn’t know you’ve been seeing and talking to Amara.

“How did you know?”

“Because Y/N had them. She believed she was good. They formed a bond, a relationship. She trusted Amara to do the right thing and then she goes and blows up half the fucking planet. No matter what she says, do not trust her and don’t say yes. She will kill everyone and everything you loved. That’s why you don’t see your father here anymore.”

“She killed my dad?” you whispered painfully.

“A slow and painful death. I wasn’t enough to change your mind, but when she went for him, she made you watch… even after you said yes. Don’t say yes,” he whispered the last part.

“Why didn’t you say yes?” Dean asked.

“I've tried! I've shouted 'yes' till I was blue in the face! The angels aren't listening! They just—left—gave up! It's too late for me, but for you—”

“Oh, no. There's got to be another way.”

“Yeah, that's what I thought. I was cocky. Never actually thought I'd lose. But I was wrong. Dean. I was wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes,” he paused. “But you won't because I didn't. Because that's just not us, is it?”

“I can’t believe this,” you whispered as you stumbled back into a desk since your knees gave out from the news. Amara kills your father. The person she needs to trust her. Maybe she was bad after all.

“So, you two are really from oh-nine?” 2014!Chuck asked as you and Dean got in one of the cars.

“Yeah, afraid so.”

“Some free advice? You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it's made of gold, because it is.”

“Thank you, Chuck.”

“Oh, you'll thank me, all right. Mark my words.”

“I'll see you around.”

“Oh, and Y/N?” he said before he needed to leave. Looking over at him, he sighed at the broken sight in your eyes. “Don’t let the other Dean scare you. You said yes to Amara, but it wasn’t an impulse decision. It’s your fault as much as it his. He’s the one that drove you off, not the other way around.”

“Thanks,” you whispered. 2014!Chuck tapped the side of the car which signaled the driver to start moving. Biting your lip in worry, you stared out of the window the entire time.

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[musicmixtapes]

Halloween Mix (October 31 ‘18)

Happy Halloween to all my favorite witches, vampires and ghouls--This week's mix is pretty self explanatory but I had so much fun making it and think that it can be listened to even when it's not Halloween because we all have spooky hearts year round

Listen on Spotify

1. Witch by the bird and the bee - The beginning of this song with the xylophone sounds already sets us up for some interesting tones and makes it all the more spooky vibed throughout, which was automatically very ear catching when I first listened to it. But other than that, the entire love-lust-desire themed song of a witch entrapping someone in their spell and taking names without mercy is such a great trope for female empowered music. There are so many references to the "spells" "biddings" "conjurings" "hauntings" in this piece which makes it a classic halloween song. But I didn't find this during witching season, in fact, I discovered it over the summer which goes to show that it holds the test of time and can be enjoyed not just on this specific day (although I highly recommend it going on your own Halloween mix for sure). There is also another really cool instrumental segment in the mid part of the song where an electric guitar or string instrument of some sort is introduced followed by the step down chords of the synthesized creepy piano/string sound that is recurring in this piece. 

2. Ungodly Fruit by Wax Tailor - This artist, who I have featured one other time on a previous mixtape, produces some of the the smartest and most unique pieces that I have had the pleasure of hearing with unworthy ears. There are not many words in this piece and in Wax Tailor true character, the words in the song are samples from different films. The first lyrics heard are Sampled from Professor Alexander Siletsky in the 1942 film To Be or Not to Be. The second portion of lyric is sampled from the 1934 film The Man Who Knew Too Much. Listening to the extravagant horns throughout the piece along with the interesting harp and assorted strings woven through create a vintage love/horror movie vibe that perfectly aligns with the samples of the movie lines that are showcased. 

3. Black Magic Woman by Fleetwood Mac - Please for the love of halloween and all things magical, do not try and tell me that this is a cover of Santana's song because it is the other way around actually. His much popularized cover is quite fantastic, I agree, but there is something special and essential Fleetwood Mac about this piece that sets up the vibe of the band from very early on in the metamorphosis of the group. Now, if you are only familiar with the more recent group, you would be confused by this track because it sounds different and queen Stevie Nicks is not anywhere to be found. The group used to consist of Peter Green, Mick Fleetwood and Jeremy Spencer before the grouping was changed to what we know now. Honestly, this song is just a prediction about the queen witch that would later grace the band, but also a desire song about a mystifying woman.

4. Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett & The Crypt Kickers - If you have been living under a rock for every October since you were born, then you don't know this awesomely spooky hit. Otherwise, I'm absolutely sure you've sung, you've danced, you've enjoyed this graveyard smash of a song that has created a rippling effect over halloweens for over fifty years. I remember being in kindergarten at my Halloween parade and walking around showing off my angel costume to this song, so yes, it has had a lasting effect on me for sure. Lou Simon, senior director of music programming at SiriusXM Radio, says, “‘Monster Mash’ has timeless appeal. The generations who grew up with it have fond memories of the song from the ’60s and again from its ’70s renaissance. The familiar arrangement is uncomplicated and delightful. It’s just one of those records that wears well and makes people happy.”

5. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side by The Smiths - Ok starting this one off with a literary definition, just in case you don't know exactly what Morrissey is referring to... To have a thorn in one's side is to have something or someone that continually causes problems for you; my definition of this is when someone will not quit pissing you off and making life hell even if they are unaware of doing so, we all have one of these and they are utterly unshakeable such is the way of life. When asked if this song was inspired by Oscar Wilde in an interview, Morrissey replied: "No, that’s not true. The thorn is the music industry and all those people who never believed anything I said, tried to get rid of me and wouldn’t play the records. So I think we’ve reached a stage where we feel: if they don’t believe me now, will they ever believe me? What more can a poor boy do?" 

6. Leave Me Be by Beau - This is one of two songs on this week's mix that does not exactly conform to theme I laid out but there was no way I was going to leave it out because the sounds and emotions included in this piece is perfectly in line with the general feeling of the playlist. The singer's voice is so weird and unique, I have not heard anything like it before, but it definitely reminds me a bit of Lene Lovich's (80s singer) voice when she does those big jumps in range and pitch in the chorus of the song. I guess the voyeuristic image of someone bothering the speaker of the song and pestering her like an impetuous ghost following one around does conform to the theme of ghoulish natures and general halloween-ness. My favourite line from the song is the repeated phrase "All I ever wanted was just to be left alone/All I ever wanted was something to call my own" because me too... me too. 

7. The Piano Duet by Danny Elfman (Corpse Bride) - Sitting in the piano room of my college dorm in the East Village on a Monday night a couple of weeks ago, I was exhausted of studying statistics and needed something to bring me to a peaceful state of mind. At first, I tried playing other pieces of music, but they proved too complex for my muddle mind at the time. Then I came across this simple and wonderful piece hailing from the classic animated king of Halloween, Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride. I was fascinated by the wandering notes that can be played with literally one finger which turns into this complex two handed piano piece that takes more time than I had to learn in its entirety. Danny Elfman has composed a lot of music for Burton which has become well loved and renowned but this short piece is striking and emotional for me. If you have the chance and a piano, you should play around with it because I think it is so satisfying to play. 8. Agony by Yung Lean - Originally I found this song in another version, one that was done by the alternative band Beach Fossils and I was hesitant not to put that version on the mix, but in the end decided the original needed to be heard and loved more. Coming from the Swedish hip hop/rap/emo/etc performed and artist Yung Lean, this vulnerable piece of music which describes how it feels to become unraveled is unrivalled by a lot of other songs about chaos that traps you in your own mind. What's more is that the song comes from a place of truth because the artist, Jonatan Hastard's (Yung Lean), spent time in a psychiatric facility due to mental health issues which were making him unable to live successfully. I think that it is so important that mental illness be represented in the music industry because it shows not only that having illness is okay, but that you can deal with it and get through it. So, thank you for showing us yourself, Hastard, and encouraging us to do the same. 

9. Skeletons (Acoustic) by Yeah Yeah Yeahs - How fitting for this celebratory day with none other than the queen of being spooky and distorted. In this track, the speaker asks her lover to basically tear her apart, to destroy her by any means necessary because she has already been destroyed by the love she has experienced. Now, one of the most important things to remember about a song that has very few lyrics is that the ones that are there, are there for a particular reason. The phrase "frost or flame" returns more than once, and it is due to the reference to the poem by Robert Frost "Fire and Ice" in which he details which way the world ending would be better. The speaker relates this to the way that her lover can destroy her: either by burning her or icing her out. I am going to include the poem because I love it so much: Some say the world will end in fire/Some say in ice/From what I’ve tasted of desire/I hold with those who favor fire/But if it had to perish twice/I think I know enough of hate/To say that for destruction ice/Is also great/And would suffice.

10. Femme Fatale by The Velvet Underground - I'm sure you've heard of this phrase before, but do you know why and when is became such an iconic phrase? No? I didn't either until I heard this wonderful song. This phrase has actually been around since the turn of the 19th century with the mass popularization of the gothic type of novel, but it resurfaced with this song in the 60s and has stayed relevant to this day. What I didn't know about the 'femme fatale' is what I found from contributors on Genius music (I use this all the time for insightful explanations): "Edie Sedgwick was an American socialite, actress, and model that came from a very wealthy and prestigious family. She was a part of Andy Warhol’s “factory” crew, and became one his closest friends and muses as Warhol brought her to fame." I think that this tribute to a friend and inspiration makes for the perfect song and gives a deeper meaning to a tale of a heartbreaker and 'take no prisoners' woman that is depicted here. 11. I Put A Spell On You by Annie Lennox - Classic. Breathtaking. Magical. Three words that describe this song and specifically the Lennox cover of this song. Something about the way the high chords of the keyboard are struck in the beginning of the piece is so gratifying, I just knew I would be in love with listening to this in the first few seconds. Honestly, and I never thought I would be saying this but, I have to thank whoever put together the 50 Shades of Grey film because that is the reason the cover of this song exists, which is kind of annoying. Nonetheless, it thankfully exists, and tells about a man who cannot be faithful to the woman who is telling the story in the song. So, she puts a spell over the man so he will not leave her and remains faithful to her instead. Despite having such amazing music to go behind it, this is such a wicked sentiment and fits perfectly with the season. 

12. Found Love In A Graveyard by Veronica Falls - This song is really, really sad. And I wasn't sure I was going to include it because it is really striking and makes me feel very emotional due to the intense meaning behind it. But, I think that music is, yes, supposed to uplift you and put you in a good mood, but not always. Sometimes, songs have a power to touch the things deep and dark inside of us that are untouchable by anything else, and this is a beautiful concept; sad, but still beautiful. The minor and eerie chords and drumbeat that start the song off with the discordant "ooohs" let us know this is not going to be one of those sunny, uplifting songs, but one of the darker ones. This piece can very well be about the literal sense of finding love in a graveyard with someone who is no longer alive, but I think it's about finding love in someone who is not present in one's life and wanting them so much but not being able to have them anymore. Listen with caution if you are already in your feelings. 

13. Zombie by The Cranberries - Let me paint a picture for you: it was summertime five years ago. A thirteen year old girl who was just discovering her musical genre for singing and listening alike stepped onto an outdoor stage in mid-June. The heavy guitar of a somber rock song come on and she begins to sing; surprise, the song is this one, and the girl is also this one who is writing to you. This song particularly has had more influence over my own writing and singing style than any other in this mix, both because it is beautifully metaphorical and because it is truthful to the point of tears in some respects. The song tells about the Troubles which occurred in Northern Ireland between the unionists and nationalists, the tensions and violence which spanned over decades and literally tore families apart. Dolores O'Riordan, the writer and singer of this song said, "This song is our cry against man’s inhumanity to man, inhumanity to child."

14. Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Not going to lie, I first heard this song and saw the scene performed when I was 12 and discovered the wonderful television program that is Glee. After that, though, I further investigated the chaotic goodness that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show and became enamoured with the explicit messages of open sexuality, breaking social norms and utter weirdness that makes up the show. This song is the most recognisable from the show, but by no means diminishes the other pieces that are performed. If possible, I really suggest either seeing a live performance or watching one online because all of the different characters, which you can hear in the recording are produced on the stage; the visuals make all the difference in the holistic experience of listening and I think in this instance, enhances the value you will hold with the song particularly the ever shifting point of views and voice sounds exhibited.

15. Werewolves Of London by Warren Zevon - First and foremost, all credits for this song being in my life go to my father because I have been listening to this with him since before I could write, much less write about music on a blog for my friends and family. Because it was such an integral part of my music experience from a young age, I enjoy examining not just what it means, but what it means to me.  The song is based on the 1953 film "Werewolf Of London" and if you haven't seen it, I recommend the viewing of this, because it's a really good movie, but either way you can enjoy the song separately because it stands on it's own. It describes and details a werewolf doing all normal human behaviour and a man meeting him and being like "wow this is really strange". Even just the first line of the song depicting a werewolf getting chinese food at the store is so funny and strange, and then talks about in the next lines a woman being mutilated by werewolves. I love the contrasting images outlined in this piece with such a simple 3-chord progression that is so catchy. 

16. Voodoo Child (Slight Return) by Jimi Hendrix - The distortion of the guitar in the intro for this track is so awesome, I cannot get enough of it and it is quintessential Jimi Hendrix  classic rock. Hendrix's gruff and raw rock voice comes through amazingly in this song and tells us a story about psychedelic experience of exaggeration with voodoo practice that was popularized especially during the 1960s and 1970s. The image of chopping a mountain down with the edge of one's hand presented in the first verse suggests that this is a drug induced experience in which the narrator is having an out of body vision of this happening, or so we can assume (I don't think Jimi chopped down a mountain, but who knows). As for the much iconic phrase 'voodoo child', I attributed this notion to the feeling of some of the African heritage and cultural spirituality that centers around practice of voodoo which has traced back through centuries. The intervention of God given to shamans or mediums, the servants of the spirits, results in a magic of spiritual nature. 

17. Blood In The Bathtub by Bonny Doon - I think the only scary thing pertaining to this song is the title and matching phrase that is repeated in the chorus of this low key song, but otherwise it is really of a loving, sensitive nature for year round enjoyment. Again, the guitar in this song is so present and the riffs included are indicative of some blues inspiration which is really nice and adds a lot of colour. As for the meaning, I ascertained that the speaker feels bad about his actions towards the end of his and the subject's relationship and is trying to explain his feelings about their demise. The aspect I appreciate about this song is that the speaker isn't trying to get back or win the affection of the subject, but instead agree that they have the right to leave and be lost or confused, which is a really valid feeling. The blood can be many things, but I like to see it as an impurity where the goodness (water) of the relationship was supposed to be. 

18. Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps) by David Bowie - I often find that this spectacularly strange man can describe feelings that we all have in surreal ways no one would think to, yet do it so precisely we can't help but love it. This is a description I found online for the piece that I think is really perfect and I couldn't say it better myself: "The song title was inspired by a Kellogg’s Corn Flakes ad campaign: “Scary Monsters and Super Heroes”. It describes the feelings of an obsessive man when he gets a shy girlfriend. Though his influence on her initially works out well for the relationship, it becomes too much for her. She soon becomes a recluse, leaves the man, and descends into madness, seeing all strangers as ‘scary monsters’." I love this thought of being terrified of strangers and can relate on days in the city when I don't feel like talking to anyone.

19. Monster by ALASKALASKA - A new song for this mix, which was hard because surprisingly, not many artists cater to the halloween aesthetic genre of songs. I impose the thought that we need some bands/artists that only write for this holiday and season because I want more halloween music, not just the same old same old. This song is not about making someone else the monster, but the other way around of someone making you out to be a monster in order to place blame and flip the script. If you've ever been in a relationship where someone uses an ugly aspect of you in and twists the conversation to make you look bad, you can definitely relate to this song. The electro indie sounds in this song which are discordant and not so pretty go perfectly in line with the songwriter's intentions of meaning, in my opinion. 

20. Which Witch by Florence + The Machine - A bonus track and a demo from the How Big How Blue How Beautiful album and quite possibly my favourite song from the album at the same time. This song makes so much sense coming from Welch because she exudes the witchy nature in every way and writes about pagan nature and deity folklore a lot in her music which is so outside the realm of regular music that we are used to, which makes her so likeable and a force in the music industry. This track describes a two fold witch trial: one in the realistic and historical sense of witches being put on trial for having sinister ways and doing unexpected things for women for their time period. The other is her having her heart put on trial for loving in a way that was not desirable from her lover, even though she never tried to hide what she was. Now that she is escaping from the relationship, she explains she has no regret for what has happened, no matter what the man says in retaliation to her opinions. 

Thanks for listening and reading!

See you next week,

Julia

[castorhq]

now that’s a face with a thousand questions. we could give you some answers, stranger. the oracle requests you draw a card. just focus intently on what you want to know most, and pull from the deck. you won’t need to say any more than that-- we’ll leave it to the fates.

you draw: strength, inverted

age range: 18+ species: witch alignment: street beasts suggested faceclaims: tba

the reading: 

“there is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. my courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” — jane austen

you were raised steeped in as much age old tradition as any witch can be, and this gives credence to the power you’ve come into in adulthood. but stuffy customs did not quite fit your image of an ideal life, did it? you heart is a bit too wild for that. do not be afraid of the long path ahead, you are not as alone as you think. standing on your own two feet for the first time is admirable, indeed.   

you are: andromeda calliope foster

age: twenty gender & pronouns: nonbinary, she/they faceclaim: antonia gentry occupation: shopkeeper at cat’s eye occult

the interpretation:

tw: abuse, blood, and ptsd

andromeda foster was born in the wee hours of crisp autumn morning. it was a difficult delivery, her mother's first. the sisters of their coven surrounded her, chanting spells and incantations as andromeda's mother screamed, life being born in the middle of the ancient wood just outside of new orleans. but, alas, they both made it through. a healthy baby girl. everyone cheered, knowing the scene had they not been blessed with a daughter. and blessed they continued to remind her she was. andromeda stayed in that wood, her mother's true glory. for a majority of her life andromeda was sheltered to her coven's culture. she found out that her father was merely a means to an end for her mother, desperate to sire an hier to her wealth of knowledge and pass along the coven's line. though, andromeda's mother was weakened from the birth. she was old, and her sisters had warned her what having a child would do to her at that age. she didn't listen. her weakness festered until she was unable to continue teaching her own daughter at the small age of 9, handing her off to other members of the coven while she rested in the hopes of recovery. but the rest only lasted a short while. no matter what their sisters tried, andromeda's mother never made it to see her 10th birthday. andromeda was devastated. her mother was the only true family she'd known, the other sisters in the coven always treating her with disdain... knowing she was the cause of the loss of a great witch, if not the great witch of their coven. andromeda felt that weight too, now being raised by a family she didn't choose, and one that didn't want her. as she got older, they ventured out into the world more. andromeda learned there were more than barren walls and books to keep her occupied. there was life, music, and people in the city. men too, a species she'd never run into in her early life. she always pestered to go back, but the sisters hated the mortal realm. the coven was old and the lines ran deep, they were not infatuated with blending in with mortals like the modern witches did. however, this small life took a dark turn once andromeda turned 17. she'd taken after her mother, an extremely gifted witch who could do nearly anything she put her mind too. she was moving up in ranks and soon was thought to become the leader of the coven, should something happen to their current. their current caught wind of this, and was enraged. andromeda surely outmatched their magic abilities, that much was obvious. however, she still answered to her. and answer she did. the entire year after she turned 17, the year of the most intense training in their coven, andromeda was subject to torture and abuse at the hand of her elders. she became the test for forbidden spells, ones that invoked pain and memory loss. ones that were so powerful she'd often wake up in the center of the woods, blood surrounding her, with no idea how she got there or what had happened the night before.

and when she wasn't being used as the test subject, she was forced to partake in these ceremonies. often preying on mortal men, andromeda committed far more atrocities than she'd ever be willing to admit, often forced to be the leader of these ceremonies, committing the deadly acts herself.

it was the day before her 18th birthday that she'd finally had enough. in the last year, andromeda had been sneaking out to the local town. in the dead of daylight, when the rest of her sisters rested, andromeda roamed the streets of new orleans, sticking her head in voodoo shops and cemeteries alike. it was there she met a boy. one a little older than her, seeming to take to her beauty and ignorance of the city. she snuck out to see him often after their first meeting, keeping their relationship a delicate secret from her sisters. however, it was only a matter of time before their current leader found out. she was ordered to bring the man home. bring him to see where she really hailed from. but andromeda knew better, she knew no man could lay eyes on their organization without having the life mercilessly ripped out of him. she didn't even have time to leave him a note before she ran. a part of her knew her sisters would go after him anyways, revenge for her abandonment. a year later she found herself in castor, very far from home. she'd hitchhiked and hexed her way across the country, desperate to put as many miles between her and those woods in new orleans as possible. something about the small town drew her in, a safety she hadn't known since her mother was alive. the city buzzed with magic and other sensations alike, she could feel it in the air as she carefully woke her protection spells. so, she settled. at the ripe age of 19 she managed to coerce the owner of the occult store into hiring her (or, perhaps they truly just took pity on them), and forged her way into getting a lease on an apartment. she changed her name from andromeda to andy, and discovered she never wanted the label of sister or daughter again. her demeanor hardened, too many years of pain and strife had made her into a solitary creature, ready to bite at whoever disrupted her path.

as she matured into the city, she found the street beasts. or perhaps, they found her... her first few weeks here were fuzzy. they blamed the ptsd. a new member, but an extremely powerful one, now turning all of her energy into protecting her new home, desperate to not lose another.

played by sav !

[eveningsinlondontearsmeapart]

Fear never wins

Type: One shot | Imagine about Justin Bieber Rated: Rated R for Sexual Content Warning: There is abuse the first part of this imagine BUT its not by Justin Word Count: 4,111 Enjoy! I could feel the air escaping my body. My feet slowly leaving the ground as he tighten his grip around my neck. I reached out gripping a knife in my hand lunging it forward into his side. I pulled my arm back as the knife exited his body blood running on the floor. I thrusted my hand forward again hitting his stomach as he finally let go. He collapsed to the ground holding his stomach as he started to go in and out. I backed away as my heart started to race again, trying to catch my breath. I ran into our room trying to fit as much as I could in my bag. I swallowed hard as I tipped toe back downstairs, walking in front of his body. He was lifeless as I finally got to the front door, I ran out of the house. I started to run down the street, holding my bag close to me. My feet hitting the ground as the neighbor started to call the police. I just wanted to be free I wanted to get away, the lights started to edge closer. I stood still like a deer trapped in headlights. Two cop cars trapped me in as I looked at the lights. I finally dropped my bag as they moved closer to me, pulling my arms behind me. Everything was silent as they handcuffed me moving me to the car. The tears filled my eyes and fell onto my cheeks as they closed the door of the car. I was lead to a room as they finally released the handcuffs. I grabbed my wrist rubbing it slightly as the cop sat down across from me. "Im Andy and I need to ask you a few questions" he broke the silence in the room. "What questions" I looked up. "Why were you running down the street with a knife and blood all over you" he asked. "I stabbed him" I admitted. "We found him and he's at the hospital" he nodded. "Is he dead?" I questioned. "We don't know yet" Andy said. "Im sorry" I looked down at my arm. "Why did you do it?" Andy asked. "He had his hands around my throat" I mumbled. "It was self defense, we will get things taken care off" he nodded as he got up from the table. They took pictures of my bruises before I was released. I grabbed my bag and left the station, I was down town and I questioned what I wanted to do. I started walking down to the bus station. I bought a ticket and hurried onto the bus as it was just about to take off. I sat down in the seat finally relaxing as the bus took off. I wasn't sure where I was headed but I knew I was finally safe. I drifted off to sleep on the bus and really didn't know anything until I felt the bus stop. I finally went through my bag and slipped on my flip flops before getting off the bus. I followed people into the local store, I grabbed a bottle of water and checked out. I walked down towards the pier and looked out towards the water. The sun was coming up as it was finally a new day. I sat down on the beach as the bus pulled off with everyone else, this is where I felt like I needed to be. I pulled my laptop from my bag and checked all my messages. Of course, there was a message saying something about Alex and that he was in the hospital. I knew that lifestyle or that live back there was something I couldn't go back to. "New here?" someone asked. "Uh?" I jumped as I heard their voice. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, " he said as he moved in front of me. "You didn't, just a rough night" I nodded. "You came off the bus, " he said. "Yeah​, just wanted some time away" I put my laptop back in my bag. "That's nice, " he smiled. "Know any place where I could get something to eat?" I asked. "I know a place, come on, " he reached for my hand. I grabbed his hand as he helped me up. I grabbed my bag as I followed him to the local restaurant. It was a small town so everything was really in walking distance. We got a table for two, he pulled out my chair before sitting across from me. I smiled as I sat down, grabbing the menu as I started to look at it. Everything looked good, but I just couldn't decide on what I wanted to get. "What's good here?" I finally asked. "Having trouble, " he chuckled slightly. "Everything just looks so good" I smiled. "The fish is really good, " he nodded. We ordered our food and drinks as well. Once the waitress walked away we started to talk and just enjoyed each other. It was nice to actually have someone I could talk to that wasn't Alex. We finally got our food and that was the only time things got quiet between us two. He ordered dessert as well, but I didn't want anything. I reached for the check when it came but he beat me to it. "I'll pay for mine" I nodded. "Don't worry about it, " he took out his wallet. "We just meet, you don't need to pay for mine" I said. "I got it, it's the least I can do for the newbie" he smiled. "Thank you, " I gave up wanting to pay. He got up from the table and paid for the check. Once again, I grabbed my bag before getting up, I followed him out of the restaurant. We went back down to the beach sitting on the shore. I pulled my hair back in a bun as I rested my bag between my legs. Leaning back in my arms as I watched the waves crash onto the beach. The breeze was blowing and it has been just a peaceful day, plus I had good company. We mainly stayed on the beach all day. I guess I didn't realize how fast the time was actually going. Before I knew it the sun was going down and the air started to turn cooler. I finally pulled out my phone and saw that it was nearly 8pm. I also saw messages from a lot of people, I just didn't want to deal with it. I turned my phone off and shoved it into my bag, pulling my legs up to my chest. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing, Its getting pretty late" I responded. "Yeah​ I know, will you be ok?" he looked at me. "Yeah​ ill be fine, you should go" I looked at him. "Today was nice, I hope we can do it again sometime" he got up from the sand. "I would like that" I smiled as I got up. "Good night" he leaned in kissing my cheek. "Night" I bite my lip as I watched him walk away. I grabbed my bag and walked towards the breakfast and bed inn. I checked in and got to me room, laying back against the bed. The next morning I woke up bright and early. I went down getting brekfast before going to change my number. Of course I had to buy a new phone witch I didn't mind if it meant that I could get away from my past. I went back to the restaurant we ate at last night and asked for a job. It was my lucky day since she was actually looking for help. I started to settle in this new place and I could say I really started to like it. I kept hanging out with my new friend as we grew closer together the reason why I was here started to melt away. "I see that you work here now, " he smiled as he leaned against the bar. "I needed a job, got to have money to live" I looked at him. "True, " he chuckled slightly. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Just enjoying this beautiful day, " he responded. "I get off in an hour, " I wiped the counter down. "I'll be on the beach, come find me?" he questioned. "Sure" I turned to get back to work. I finally finished my shift hanging up my apron on the hook. I punched my time card, before leaving going towards the beach. I looked through the people trying to find him. I just couldn't seem to find him so I started to think that maybe he ditched me. He sneaked up on me, placing his hands over my eyes. I jumped at first, but then calmed down once I heard his voice. "Guess who" he whispered in my ear. "I know it's you" I laughed as I pulled away from him. I turned to face him, I didn't realize how close he was to me. My hand bumped into his chest as he stood looking down at me. I bite my lip as our eyes meet, just wanting to kiss him. He placed his hand against my cheek as he leaned down slightly. Placing his lips against mine, I leaned up on my tippy toes keeping the kiss between us. I placed my hand on his arm as he kept his hand on my cheek. I smiled against his lips as I felt him pull away, resting my forehead against his. I eased back on my feet as I looked at him, his hand against my hip. "I have something planned for you" he said. "Oh you do?" I asked. "Yeah​, trust me?" he questioned. "I do" I looked at him. He grabbed my hand, leading me to a boat. I was hesitant at first, but finally got into the boat with him. He got behind the driver seat and we were off, I took a seat behind him. The breeze caught my hair as it started to blow, it was nice but a little chilly. He nodded to a blanket next to me as he looked back towards me. I wrapped the blanket around me as I got up moving to the seat next to him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he turned the engine off. We were just floating in the middle of the ocean just us, which was nice. "Cold, " he rubbed my shoulder. "A little bit, but I'm sure you can keep me warm" I smiled as I looked at him. "It will be my pleasure, " he smirked as he pulled me closer to him. "I'm sure" I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his shoulder. "Just us and the fishes" he kept me close to him. "Fishes are interesting" I chuckled slightly. "Not as interesting as you are, " he kissed my forehead. "Not interesting" I looked down at my hand. "You never told me where you are from or why you are here" he said. "Just from Charlotte" I nodded as my heart started to race. "Whoa, just calm down, we don't have to talk about it, " he rubbed my back trying to calm me down. "I-I just don't like talking about it, that's why I moved here" I sighed. "Its ok, im sorry I bought it up" he titled my chin up, placing his lips against mine. I smiled into the kiss, placing my hand on his chest. We kept the kiss until the boat started to rock, there was a shark under it. He tried so hard to get the boat to start but the engine was dead. He pulled out his cell phone and there was no service since we were so far out. He called for help on the boat radio hoping someone would come and help us. "What do we do?" I questioned. "Don't panic, they can sense that just tried to stay calm" he said. "I'm trying" I took a deep breath in. "It will be ok" he rubbed my back. I leaned up kissing his lips softly, keeping my hand against his chest. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me onto his lap. I placed my hands on his cheeks, keeping the kiss between us. His hands slipped from my hips onto my ass squeezing slightly. I pulled against his lip as the kids started to get intense. I pulled away again as the boat started to rock once more. I moved off his lap as he got up and tried to restart the boat. He kept trying to restart it and finally it did. He returned us back to shore and I was glad that my feet were back on the ground again. He got off the boat and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. I leaned into him as we walked back to the restaurant. "You want to go back to my place or I could drop you off" he said. "Maybe we could head back to your place, watch a movie?" I questioned. "Sounds fun, " he smiled as he grabbed my hand. He leads me back to his car, opening the door for me. I got into his car as he did as well, buckling my seat belt before we took off. We headed to his place, its a plus to be in a small town because we didn't have far to go. He unlocked the door as he held my hand in his leading me into his place. He kept my hand in his as he pulled me close to him. Leaning back against the wall as he placed his hands on my cheeks. I smiled as I looked at him. He titled my chin slightly placing his lips against mine, softly kissing me as I stood on my tippy toes. He lifted me up slightly allowing my feet to be on top of his. I ran my hand down his chest resting it against his stomach. I kept the kiss between us, his hand slipped down to my neck. As soon as I felt his hand against my neck I pulled back. I gasped for air as the memories started to rush back to that night. "Hey, hey" he titled my chin up so I looked at him. "Sorry" I sighed as I looked away. "Don't be" he turned my chin back towards him. "Its complicated" I whispered. "We will take things on your pace, how about that movie?" he asked. "Yeah​" I nodded. He let go of me as he walked towards the den. I finally calmed myself down and caught my breath before following him. He had laid out a blanket on the floor with another one so we could wrap up. He also had the movie ready to go with the popcorn, he stood there watching me at the door. He reached out his hand for me, I walked towards him. I allowed my hand to slip into his hand as we sat down on the blanket. I rested back against the wall as he pulled me closer to him. I kissed his cheek as he wrapped the blanket around us. I rested my head against his shoulder as he pushed play. I played with his fingers as he held me close to him. About halfway through the movie I started to get bored and wanted to make things interesting. I threw a piece of popcorn at me and it started a popcorn war. I laughed as he threw a bunch on me, his laughter joined in with mine that filled the room. "You wanted this" he laughed. I laid back on the floor as my sides started to hurt from laughing so much. He moved over me resting his hands above my head, leaning down slightly. He hovered over me allowing his lips to barely touch mine. I slightly leaned up allowing our lips to meet, he smiled into the kiss. His kiss was soft but intense, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He moved a piece of hair from my face as he pulled away from the kiss. He looked down into my eyes as he started to try to figure out my story. "What are you looking at?" I finally asked. "You, your eyes are memorizing" he said. "Thank you" I bite my lip as I looked at him. "I love the way you do that" he leaned down kissing me. He pulled against my lip as he pulled me to him. He sat up allowing me to sit on his lap, keeping the kiss between us. I started to grind my hips down against him, his hands resting against my hips. He tighten his grip on my hips as he started to get hard. I started to pull against his bottom lip as I felt him get hard underneath me. I finally pulled away from the kiss as I knew it was getting to intense. His hand slipped up against my side, moving to my neck pulling me back against him gently. I kissed him softly but also in a teasing way as I wanted to make him work for it. I felt his hands slipped down to my his again. Gripping my shirt as his hands started to move up, I raised my arms so he could remove it. Throwing it on the floor, moving his hands around my back. As I kept the kiss between us I felt him unsnap my bra removing it from my shoulders. He pressed his lips against my neck slowly moving it down to my collar bone. I let out a soft moan as he started to move down, wrapping his lips around my nipple. He ran his fingertip along my other nipple as he flicked his tongue around one. I leaned my head back as I started to moan, his arm around me keeping me on his lap. He started to switch back and forth between my nipples. Making them hard also turning me on as I wanted more than ever. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he got up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He took me upstairs laying me down on the bed moving his body over mine. Leaning down to kiss me softly as he rested his hands above my head again. "You ok with this?" he questioned. "Yeah, I'll let you know you if I want to stop" I nodded. "Ok, I'll only do what you want me to do, " he peeked my lips. "Thank you for asking" I smiled. He moved his lips back against my neck. Kissing down my body to my belly button, looking up at me. I nodded slightly for him to continue down, he started to undo my jeans. I lift my hips slightly, allowing him to pull my shorts off. He also pulled off my panties so I was fully naked on his bed. He stood on his knees as he pulled his shirt over his head. I bite my lip as my eyes wondered over his body, waiting for him to remove his pants. He grabbed my hand pulling me up to him. I placed my hands on his waist band slowly moving towards the button. I looked up at him as I started to unbutton his pants. He tangled his hands in my hair, slowly placing his lips against mine. I slowly started to kiss him back, tugging gently at his bottom lip. As I kept the kiss between us I pushed his pants down and his boxers. I wrapped my hand around his shaft as I felt him moan against my lips. His thumbs brushed against my skin as he pulled away from my lips. He stood up allowing his pants and boxers to fall to his feet. I moved to the edge of the bed grabbing the back of his neck. Pulling him closer to my body, placing my lips against his neck. I pushed him down on the bed moving over top of him. He pulled me close to his chest placing his lips against mine. I reached over to the night stand grabbing a condom, opening it without breaking the kiss. I slipped over his tip as he moved his hand down. He finished putting it on before moving my hips over his. I smiled against his lips as I felt his tip rub against my slit. I wrapped my hand around his shaft as I lined it up with my entrance. I slightly started to sit back allowing him to enter me, sliding fully into me. He groaned as his hands gripped my hips tighter, I slowly started to move. He started to thrust up into me as I moved my hips down towards his. I leaned my head back as I started to moan. He sat up wrapping his arm around my waist, his hand against my neck. He titled my head forward placing his lips against mine. He kept me moving against him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He thrusted his hips up as he moved me against the bed, opening my legs wider. He smirked as he looked down at me, moving faster and deeper. I gripped the bed sheet as I arched my back, edging closer to a climax. He thrust a few more times and took me over the edge, I clinched against him as I screamed out. He held his movement as he allowed me to fully experience my climax. He started to move again, thrusting deeper as he started to get close to a climax. He gripped my hips as he thrust harder bringing himself to a climax. He groaned as he filled up the condom, slowly removing himself from me. He lay beside me as we both tried to catch our breaths. I pulled the cover over us as we finally started to calm down. I moved the closest to him, resting my head against his chest, tracing my finger along his body. He smiled as he leaned down to kiss my forehead, pulling me closer. Somehow I felt as if I was right where I was always meant to be. We both slowly drifted off to sleep. I started to shuffle in the bed as I started to toss and turn. My breathing started picking up as the scenes ran through my mind. The bloody knife, his hands around my throat. I had nightmares about that day and I just couldn't never seem to shake them. "Hey, wake up, " he rubbed my shoulder. I gasped for air as I shot up in the middle of the bed. I placed my hands around my neck as I slowly started to realize where I was. I took a deep breath in and looked back meeting his worried eyes. He leaned up pulling me close to him, trying to calm me down. "Are you ok?" he questioned. "Yeah, just a bad dream" I nodded slightly. "You're safe, " he said. If only he knew how much hearing that meant. I knew I was safe with him I never questioned that. I knew I was buying in this town for a reason and maybe that reason was to start over. I was falling in love with Justin and I could tell his feelings were mutual. I lay back in his arms and fell back to sleep with him. In the morning I woke up when he moved out of the bed. I watched him walk into the bathroom, then into the kitchen. I got up putting his shirt over my body and pulling my panties on. I walked up behind him, wrapping my arm around his stomach, kissing the back of his neck. He smiled to himself before turning around peeking my lips. He made breakfast for us and we sat down to eat before we went our separate ways. I had to work and so did he, I walked to the restaurant from his house. I wrapped the apron around me as I walked to my first table of the day. I took their order and while I was putting the order on the board I heard someone come up behind me. "I found you" the person said. The sound of his voice froze me in place. I could feel my heartbeat faster as my breathing picked up. I couldn't believe that he actually found me, I was scared to turn around.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Amy you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Druella Black!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

We adored how much time you spent fleshing out her character, and how you took the extra energy to check in with us about how players connected to her felt about her character and their development to make sure your Druella would fit in like a glove! Your para sample was lovely and we’re so excited to see you explore the plot ideas you have listed -- your Druella will be a fantastic addition to the roleplay and we know she’ll have some amazing connections with players already and it’s so exciting to see that! *your face-claim change has been accepted!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hello! I’m Amy! I’m 18, and my timezone is GMT-6.

ACTIVITY

I’m always horrible at giving activity in numbers, but maybe a 6.5 or 7 out of 10? I’m in another RP, but I can still be on  at least every other day, with more time on weekends.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

By looking through the “marauders rp” and “marauders rpg” tags.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Ooh, good question. I’ve loved Luna ever since I read the series for the first time, but I don’t think I’m like her at all. Hermione, maybe? I read a lot, and I get very, very absorbed in trivia and all kinds of learning-related things.

ANYTHING ELSE?

No, I think I’m alright, thanks! You’ve already been very helpful with answering my questions!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Druella Black

FACE CLAIM

If it’s still alright with you, I’d like to go for Joely Richardson, please!

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Ah, Druella. Well, first of all, I was thrilled to see that she was available, since I haven’t seen the parents of the marauders’ generation in RPs much,  except as npcs. (I love playing older characters, so I was thrilled to see her.)

I’ve played Narcissa before in the past, so I’ve definitely wondered for a while how some of those family dynamics could look from the perspective of the older Blacks. People have gotten to play with how Andromeda’s departure impacts her sisters, but what about the parents?      

I see Druella as someone whose entire world is based on appearances and doing what is expected of her. She doesn’t mind this too much. She’s charming and confident and good with people, (and a snappy dresser too) so the demands of pureblood society come fairly easily to her.

Well, some of them do. Other things are beyond her control. For example, the inability to produce a male heir. This was a huge blow and source of stress to her at first. But with the addition of each little girl, she grew more and more resolved to… she would call it making up for things, but you or I might call it overcompensation. If her children were all going to be women, then they were going to be the most elegant, most ladylike women in all of the wizarding world.

I also think it might be really interesting to explore how Druella, as someone who is situated right at the heart of pureblood society, copes with its demands and problems. Especially when her life starts to go more awry than she thought it would. Given how important reputation is to the family, it could be really great to play with how she reacts to the shame of Andromeda marrying Ted.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

I’m not quite sure how to format this, so I’m just going to do the basics first, then the analysis.

Gender and pronouns: Cis female, she/her. // Preferred ships: I’m open to anything, except maybe incest.

Like most other women she knew, Druella did not have the luxury of marrying for love. Her marriage was orchestrated between the parents of her family and that of her husband. Her role in it all was to hope for the best.

And in her world, you couldn’t ask for anyone better than Cygnus Black. It came as no surprise to her that she could marry into the House of Black. After all, she was quite the catch. Beautiful, smart, in possession of some family galleons. Of course the Blacks would want her. But that didn’t mean she was any less pleased.

But how did they match up, in a more personal sense? If asked Druella would certainly say she loved her husband. Not with a burning passion, mind you, but she had few complaints. They made a good team, and they certainly looked good together.

She has wondered though, just a little, what life with someone of her own choosing. Not that she would ever do anything about it. She likes her life, for the most part. But everyone wonders a little. Even Druella Black.

In Druella’s experience, sex  has been more about creating a suitable family tree than anything fun or pleasurable. In the early years of her marriage, it was more of a source of stress for her. As a result, she’s not quite sure how to feel about it. She’s never been very adventurous with it, but that’s never bothered her. It’s just sort of…there.  

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-A MOCKBLOG

https://druellablackmockblog.tumblr.com/

I’ve never made a mockblog before, but I hope you have fun poking around!

-A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

I would love to play around with Druella’s relationship to her two remaining daughters, and how desperate she is to make sure she doesn’t lose another one. I picture her as showing some favouritism towards Narcissa, but obviously I’d have to clear that with Bella and Cissy’s players, haha. I feel like Druella is one of those moms who’s always secretly (or not so secretly) judging her kids in everything they do, so that might provide a nice source of tension.  

I would also love to explore how Druella copes with the fact that people’s opinions of her family might have changed with Andromeda leaving. Status is very important to her, so it might be really fun to see how she tries to preserve her status among the purebloods. Depending on what people think of her now, she might pretend nothing ever happened, or spend years publicly disowning Andy, or even get more involved with the DEs to prove that she’s loyal.

I know Walburga’s still open, but I would love to see how their relationship might work, and how you might be able to play with how they each deal with their children defecting. Would they talk about it? Maybe it would bring them closer. Or maybe it would never be spoken about. (This could be interesting with Orion too.)  

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“Hmm. Perhaps a spell to thin out the mudblood population? If not that, then one to make my house elves work faster. It’s so hard to find good help these days, don’t you find?”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“I like to think that I could handle myself fairly well in that situation, but given the chance I would probably take my husband — he’s a fairly proficient dueller, you see. And I would take… a mirror. If needed, I could throw it at any monsters. But if there weren’t any, I would be quite happy to use it for its normal purpose.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Difficult? I’ve found that in most matters — housekeeping, entertaining, even family — you can decide most things using the same method.You simply have to weigh your pros and cons. Look at what life will be like if you make one choice over the other. And then live with your choice, whatever it might be.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“I would never want anyone to say that I… run in the wrong circles, if that’s the right phrase. But I doubt there’s much danger of that.”

WRITING SAMPLE

One of the things Druella loved most about her family was their sense of tradition. Today, she was indulging in a favourite one. When her daughters had moved out, to begin their new lives, she’d suggested something to keep them close. A periodic lunch date with each girl. So they could catch up with each other. And also, though she would never say, so she could keep an eye on them.

Today was her day to catch up with Narcissa. As Druella walked into the little cafe they had agreed upon, she was immidiately flooded with a sense of being watched.  It was a feeling she relished. Where others might shrivel under the attention, she felt the curious eyes on her, the whispers of adoring gossip, and felt at ease. She was about to sit down with her lovely girl, the two of them looking like pictures, and provoke the envy of every soul in the room.

She weaved her way slowly through the tables until she found a suitably spotless one. She sat down, smoothed her already smooth hair, and checked her watch. She was early. “Excuse me,” she called to a serving witch. “Get me a glass of wine, please. Thank you.”  If she was early, she had time to think.

And today was a day where Druella did not want to think clearly.

Because, you see, today wasn’t just the day to meet her youngest daughter for a chat. Today was the anniversary of her middle child leaving the family.

The little mudblood-loving idiot. Tearing the family apart to hop into bed with Ted Tonks. Even his name sounded common. Why? Why had she done it?

Druella knew she shouldn’t think about it. Instead, she should rewrite things. She had two daughters. No third to speak of. No middle child off out there, on the other side of the war. Palling around with heathens in some commune for mugglle enthusiasts, or something.

She shouldn’t have suggested that Cissy meet her today. No doubt she’d been thinking about it too. But what other options did she have? Surely they all had to just carry on as normal.

Just as the wine arrived, Druella spotted a familiar blonde head. One that she hoped would arrive for many more lunches to come. “Darling!” She rushed over to her daughter and looked her up and down. “You’re looking thin, dear. We ought to get some meat on your bones.” She picked up Narcissa’s willowy wrist and examined it. “And pale. Like you’re made of parchment.” Druella lead her child over to the table and fixed her with a steady gaze. “How are you, sweetheart?” There. Just like any other lunch.

[noctis-hq]

round two! since i made a few changes to the application i thought i’d make another sample just so you can see it all in a different context. as mentioned in the previous sample, you don’t have to match this perfectly by any means. the important thing is to answer all the questions posed on the app and that’s all. if you have any questions, send them my way!

&&. the audience

alias. ariel

age & timezone. Twenty-two, est

activity. 7/10. I have work and school, but in-between I’m always online! Plus my weekends and weeknights are always free so I’m pretty much available all the time.

triggers. none (they will be removed before the app is posted.)

&&. the act

skeleton. the illusionist

reasoning. why are you applying for them?

name. Archibald "Archer" Ivashkov

faceclaim. Ross Lynch

age & birthday. 23, Sept. 17th 1995.

gender. cismale, demisexual

school length. he’s been there for three years. got there when he was twenty. 

key traits.

resilient. life has given him a lot of opportunities to give up and he’s turned them down at every corner. he knows that it’s never going to be easy for him, life didn’t deal him a nice hand. but he’s ready to play dirty just to keep himself in the game. he’s stronger than he was at each bad player before. and he’s not going to fold.

bitter. he’s let vengeance consume his soul. he’s a witch, his family were witches. he should be proud. but instead, all he saw was it ruin the best thing that ever happened in his life. so he’s taken in the darkness and let it fester into the hatred that he has for the very people he lives with.

ability.

power negation.

Archer has to be able to keep his life a secret, the only way he can stay that way is by blocking powers, really. I think they idea of also having the very power that would have been able to save his half-sister is also such a tragic, devastating thing that just haunts him and drives him farther down the path he's going.

Archer's powers lie in his mind. He has to passively be thinking about negation for his powers to work. When he's going head to head with someone mentally stronger, he can use his eyes to concentrate his magic. he also tends to use his eyes when going against an active power, e.g., pyrokinesis. He usually squints to focus it.

bio.

Archibald Nathan Dylan Ivashkov was the product of an affair. A father out to war, gone from the home for over two years left a wife lonely. It wasn’t intentional. Feelings sparked from an old flame and loneliness only further fueled the flame. But the child was shuffled away after a few months. The mother knew how her husband would react to the sudden child—knowing it couldn’t have been his. So she gave the child up, leaving only a little note card with his name at the door of a nearby church. Thankfully, the little child was taken in by a family from the church. And so Archibald Nathan Dylan Ivashkov, or Andi as affectionately grew up being called, was safe.

And his former life might have blissfully been forgotten save that little note card had it not been for one little girl. The other child of the woman and the only living soul to remember the little Ivashkov boy. When Andi was fifteen, a nineteen-year-old girl stopped him in a park. He was shocked to discover she knew his name, no one outside the Carsons knew it. She introduced herself as Violet Ivashkov. His half-sister. His world tilted and everything toppled atop him. At first he didn’t want to believe her, but he’d seen the same sparkling emerald eyes and dark hair in the mirror.

After a few months, he conceded. He thought at first he was just humoring his curiosity, but there was a small part of him filled with hope at the possibility of meeting his real family.

Violet told him what she remembered of him as a child from the few months they’d had together. She’d never forgotten him. She even spent months trying to find him. Andi bit back on his tongue for as long as he could before he finally asked about his mother, their mother. And it was revealed to him that she had taken her own life with the man she truly loved after her husband returned from war. It filled his heart with sadness to know that he’d never meet the people who’d given him life. But Violet was a huge comfort in that time. They bonded as she told him what she could of their mother.

In time, she eventually revealed that their mother was a witch. Violet claimed that she had had inklings of visions of the future. She wasn’t sure if it was her magic or her imagination. She also told Andi that he had the potential to become a witch as well, but he’d shown even less signs than her that he was a witch.

The two became inseparable over the next few years, that is until Andi graduated from high school. Violet’s powers had indeed developed. They ability of precognition. And it devoured her whole. She tried everything to escape her magic: drugs, adrenaline, distractions, you name it. Eventually, she found the only thing that could numb it was magic. But it was magic more strong than she possessed. Andi watched as she became a shell of the person he loved. She tried little spells at first, but she eventually was taken by magic, exhausted her soul. Andi was the one that found her, along with their mother’s grimoire.

His heart broke again, but he had something to blame this time. Magic. At nearly eighteen, he forwent the idea of college and spent all his time looking for ways to remove magic. Eventually, he discovered witch hunters. They listened to his plight and pulled him in with their saccharine words. He disagreed with their “burn-the-witch” philosophy. He’d seen magic take life and he didn’t want to see it anymore. He proposed some form of cure. A magic removal. The hunters thought it was ridiculous at first, but he swayed them.

The Hunters took him in under the cloak of night. He stayed with the Carsons and even began college. His goal was molecular biology. There had to be the secret key somewhere. He even used his own blood at first, knowing he had the trait for magic.

But his tests came to a complete halt one night. They hunters had found a witch and were ready to burn him alive. However, Andi wanted to try his most recent magical no-go. He was a fast learner, but it was a delicate process with only about a year’s worth of tests and trials. He didn’t even get to administer the vial when the witch started making his own fires. He burned two other hunters and was about to burn Andi—but it didn’t work. The hunters made quick work and killed the witch before any other hunters perished.

Then came the question, what saved Andi? The hunters prompted him to attempt some simple spells from the grimoire he had. He refused at first, but they pressured him until he caved. That’s when it was revealed that he’d inherited the thing he wanted to destroy. He was distraught. He fled the hunters and ran to the nearest church he could find. But it wasn’t a church that he found. It was the School.

He wanted to say no and leave the School. But it made him realise something. This was a place full of witches. And it never came for Violet. They had all turned their backs on his sister. The anger that sparked in him was that unlike before. He accepted his new position in the school and made a quick return to the Hunters. He presented them with the perfect solution. He could spy for them, tell them things, and he had ample ways to test his cure.

So young, twenty-year-old Andi, disguised his heart. Archer Ivashkov came into creation with his magic. He discovered that his power was that of negation and loved it even more. He kept on with school online, as he wouldn’t be able to stay at the school nor his home. He bid the Carsons farewell and began his new dual life. He’s been working on the sly since. But now things have escalated. One of the witches he’d been testing his cure has gone missing and people are to find out why. This could be the end of his charade.

( bio does not have to be this long obviously omg. )

extras. 

there’s a moodboard on his mock blog here.

headcanons:

He grew up going by Andi Carson (the last name of the family who took him in). Andi is still the name he goes by with the hunters, but to keep things discreet he goes by Archer Ivashkov in the School. He even discovered an old grimoire in the library that belonged to one of his ancestors.

The note card he was left with read: “My dearest Archibald Nathan Dylan Ivashkov. You are my only son, the light of my life and my greatest regret. I’m sorry I won’t be there for you as you grow, but I hope you find a family that can give you all the love I can’t. Forever, your mother.”

Archer is still pretty new to being an upper-classman, so sometimes he’ll still walk to the wrong wing and then have to turn around and head back. The only reason he’s still conformtable with the switch is that his room hasn’t actually changed.

[callunavulgari]

heather recs things pt. 2

This isn’t everything else. I could actually update that fic recs blog that I have daily and it still probably wouldn’t be enough. However, this is a list of my All Time Favorites. Most of them are from the actual tag, but some of them are too new (or not found on Ao3) or too old.

Boys by @caseyvalhalla. (Kingdom Hearts; Axel/Roxas, Sora/Riku) If you know me, you know that I’ve been yelling about this fic for the better part of a decade. Even now, years after I slowly drifted from the KH fandom, I can say without an ounce of doubt that this is my favorite fic. This is the one. And after nine years, I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon.

Freedom’s Just Another Name For Nothing Left To Lose by @ synecdochic (SGA; Mcshep) By now, I’ve trawled through a lot of SGA fic. I’ve combed through old rec lists, gone through page after page on Ao3, and can say with confidence that this is the best one I’ve read. This is probably going to be the one that I take with me and it doesn’t even. God. I can’t even get into how much I adored this. How perfect and sad and raw it is, and how the day that I read this, Rodney McKay was completely changed to me.

Under the Table and Dreaming by snooter (Toy Story; Sid/Andy) is one of those fics that you can’t really explain with words. Because, I mean, c’mon. Toy Story? Really. But seriously. Go. Read it. Marvel in wonder over slash fanfiction for a Disney movie, because it’s in my top five.

Towards Zero by mirabella (Inception; Eames/Arthur) The first. The best. The only one that I still regularly think about. Arthur meets Eames projection before he meets him. It’s angsty and sexy and all kinds of awesome.

The Student Prince by FayJay (Merlin; Merlin/Arthur) Another fic that outlasted my interest in a fandom, this one has been reread almost as many times as Boys. Reincarnation, Arthur as a prince, and modern day magic. I was always going to fall for this one.

Arcana by rosa_acicularis (Sherlock BBC; John/Sherlock) Okay, so much like Doctor Who, over the years I’ve fallen out with Sherlock. However- this remains to be one of the best things that I’ve read. John Watson is Joanna. She is also a witch. The world building is excellent and Joanna herself is perfect. Hell, even Sherlock is perfect, okay.

Magpie by @waldorph (Star Trek AoS; Spock/Jim) is a Star Trek AoS fic where Jim and Spock pretty much grew up with each other. It is so incredibly gorgeous, almost 60k of, you guessed it, found family and friendship and a slow, slow burn that will leave your toes curling by the end. Also by waldorph is  strive seek find yield, which is basically a royalty AU. In space. It’s magnificent.

Inertia by @the-apocrypha. (Teen Wolf; Derek/Stiles(/Cora)) I know for a fact that I’ve talked about this one before, because it’s slowly and carefully inserted itself in with all the other fics that made my top ten fics years and years ago. You guessed it, this fic mostly focuses on friendship and emotional healing after various traumatic experiences for the three main characters. The fact that it’s roadtrip fic only made it more enticing. This is my feel good fic. Well, one of them. The one that I read when I need something to drop me straight into that syrupy sweet state of mind when you’re just quiet and slow and content. Lawrence of My Labia, the cracky mixtape made for the fic has also seen me through some shit, not gonna lie.

Not Easily Conquered by @drop-deaddream​ and @whatarefears​ (Marvel; Captain America; Bucky/Steve, Steve/Peggy) clocks in at over 100k as a whole and is one of my very favorite fics. It’s basically a canon divergent AU where Steve crawled out of the ice and married Peggy Carter instead of being frozen in ice for decades. Almost twenty years later, the world finds out about the lost letters of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, which throws Peggy and Steve’s marriage into freefall. I can’t seem to find the words to do this fic justice, but just know that it’s one of those where you’ll have snippets from it pop into your head years after you read it, and you’ll still smile.

Heroes by @ryttu3k (Legend of Zelda; Zelda/Link/Groose) Before this fic, I never considered Skyward Sword as fanfic material. That was for Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask, hell, even Twilight Princess. Those were the fics that I read and wrote. And then I read this in its entirety in the span of one very long night and never looked back.

to the sky without wings by @leupagus​. (Star Wars; Poe/Luke) Okay, okay. If you’d told me going into this fic that I would emerge from it shipping Luke Skywalker and Poe Dameron I probably would have... well, okay, I would have shrugged at you and said that anything’s possible, but I would have been pretty damn doubtful about it. I stumbled into this one blind, not knowing a damn thing about it, just that it was 80k of Poe Dameron backstory and as I was trying to write him at the time, desperately needed him to start clicking in my head. It’s a truly beautiful fic, fleshed out and horribly sad and exhilarating. It also contains one of the hottest damn scenes I’ve read in years, so look forward to that.

we built this city by @fahye​ (Raven Cycle; Gansey/Blue/Henry) is a Raven Cycle fic. Now, I haven’t read much fic for the series because somehow Stiefvater achieved literary nirvana and I was so satisfied by the books that I never actually went looking for fic. I was just content to let it stand. And now, I can’t remember when I actually started reading Fahye’s stuff, but I’m pretty sure it was back when I was into things like livejournal and Ouran High School Host Club. So it’s been awhile, and I can pretty much guarantee that I’ll always like the things she’s written, so I read it, because I had a bit of a hankering for Gansey/Blue/Henry and I figured she could satisfy that. And my god, was I right. This fic is beautiful.

[multi-fan-dom-madness]

JaxCon 2017

Wow. Just wow. I’ve not stopped internally screaming since I stepped foot in the hotel where the convention was being held. That feat becomes much more ridiculous the further away from JaxCon we get, but then again, I’m always screaming about something. So, without further ado, here’s how JaxCon 2017 went down in the eyes of a first-time conventioner. (Sidenote: what even is the term for a person who attends a convention? Is there a term? Because there should be if there isn’t already.) (Another sidenote: I have literally 13 other videos, one of which is Matt and Rob doing imitations, which is always hilarious, so if you want those just lemme know. Now keep reading :P )

THURSDAY

I went to this convention with my mom. It had been a high school graduation present for me last June, so for months and months I’d been dreaming about what it would be like, what would happen, who I’d meet, what I’d say. I can confidently say that no amount of daydreaming (or even dreaming in general) can prepare one for the atmosphere and the pace of a convention. We rolled into Jacksonville around 8 o’clock, but by some cruel twist of fate, we did not end up eating dinner until after midnight. Thank Chuck god for early registration. I went to bed after reading a mind-numbing 30+ pages of my Colonial America history textbook. Yay me.

FRIDAY

We were up early, on account of my need to take care of some homework before the weekend’s shenanigans got underway. But as soon as work was finished, we were ready to roll and boy, did things roll. After a quick exploration of the vendor hall, I made the spur-of-the-moment decision to buy photo ops with Rob and Richard (separate). My mom looked surprised, I guess because after all my antics about how much I love Lucifer, I went with God. Anyways.

As much as I love J2, I can proudly say that Rob and Richard made my top 5 favorite things of the con. Aside from being utterly adorable awesome, the men are geniuses. I mean, who else stands in front of a full convention hall and declares, “We love KoC!” (And if you don’t know how to pronounce it for whatever reason, it sounds exactly the way it looks.) Friday would also begin the weekend-long trend of referencing “lumbersexuality,” as well as the entire cast’s undivided support and admiration of the Women’s Marches occurring all over the country.

First panel of the day was the lovely Alaina Huffman (Abaddon). She’s so pretty!!! And funny!!! And amazing!!! Unfortunately, none of my photos of her came out any kind of decent, which really sucks, because she is really beautiful. She talked about her background in modeling and how she became an actress. But by far my favorite quote from her was:

“You guys write porn about us. It’s weird.”

Apparently she had either been sent or had found (I forget which) a fic in which Abaddon was with Dean, who was wearing a very nice pair of pink panties. Props to whoever wrote that.

Next up was Death himself, Julian Richings. Apparently none of my photos of him turned out decent, either. Regardless, I think the best part about his panel was his uncanny ability to sound like either Ron or Harry from Potter Puppet Pals depending on how he was talking. In his “I’m from England and this American stuff is all new to me!” bit, he sounds like Ron. When discussing why he gets cast as the “bad guy” in certain productions, he is able to imitate Harry as he lists the two things necessary for a villain: cheekbones and an accent.

He also told his concussion story, which apparently had kept Rich up the night before. I don’t have video of it, but if you can find it, it’s pretty hilarious. Long story short, he was running to catch a bus/trolley/some form of public transportation when he ran headfirst into one of those clear bus stop walls, knocking him over backwards. Forehead bleeding, concussed, a knot the size of an egg where he hit the glass. He’s a crazy old guy, but he’s got great energy. I admire that.

Jason Manns. Unf. What can I say about Jason Manns other than he was unexpectedly and wholly attractive and so sweet. He’s honestly such a nice guy. He told us how he tried using his Apple Watch to scan his airplane tickets. Someone said he was being hipster. He replied, “It would be hipster if I did it right. It was much more dad the way I did it.” Basically, he was trying to scan a ticket at the wrong gate, holding up a line of people, and only after about five minutes of confusion the airport people realized what was going on.

Someone asked him something about how he gets his lyrics/writing to be the way he wants them. The two things he said that stood out to me were:

“Art is not perfect.”

&

“Not trying to be perfect is the way to get it closest to perfect.”

Simple advice, really. Hard to put into practice, though.

He sang “Stand by Me” and then the question right after that was about what song he thought fit his life, and he said, “I wish you would’ve asked that before I played that song, but um, I’d like to think that Stand by Me would be that song for me.”

I got to ask him a question!!! Excitement!!! Here’s the gist of what happened: I asked what it was like working with Jared and Misha on the Christmas album a few years back. Jason explains that he enjoys collaborating with a lot of people and makes the point that those two are some of the busiest guys you’ll ever meet, so he had about two hours to record their songs. Ends with, “Somewhere in that long rambling attempt, did I answer your question?” Cutie. (I’d embed the video but Tumblr only allows for 5 videos. Sigh.)

He also sang two songs with Rob, but for whatever reason only one of the videos actually works, and it’s the better of the two songs anyways (in my opinion, at least), so enjoy that:

Oh, and as a follow-up type question to mine, someone else asked about the Christmas album as well. They wanted to know why he chose to switch the traditional gender roles in “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” His answer?

“I think we can all agree it’s kind of a rape-y song.”

He also wanted to recreate the original scene that that song was choreographed to, but it never happened. There’s always hope, though!

Last came Gabe Tigerman, who was filling the space that Emily Swallow was supposed to be in. (Kinda bummed she didn’t get to make it, but hey, Gabe was hilarious so I guess it worked out alright.) He got asked if he would ever go on a ghost hunt with Chad Lindberg. He rejected the idea right away, because Chad is always talking about how he got scratched by like, a demon, “but it’s fun! You should come!” or how something followed Chad home, “but you should come!” Gabe was like, 

“I don’t like ghosts, and maybe that’s close-minded of me.”

On the subject of Chad - someone asked Gabe what he thought his character Andy’s personal heaven would be like. He started out describing a very Scooby-Doo-esque scenario in which Ash and Andy would just drive around heaven, and then it turned into a discussion of a fanfic he’d seen involving Ash and Andy (or Chad and Gabe, I don’t remember which to be honest). After about five minutes of recounting this fanfic experience, he stops and goes, “I just learned a lot about myself, wow.”

He also recounted his college road trip for us, which was one of the funniest stories I’ve heard in a while. If you haven’t heard it, go look it up. It’s about the world’s largest groundhog (which turned out to be the world’s largest groundhog statue) and the world’s only 5- and 6-legged cows. Seriously. Just YouTube it. I’m cracking up writing about it.

And that was it for Friday’s panels. But there were autograph signings by Richard, Gabe, Alaina, and Julian and we did those. Since they were pretty much on schedule that day, we got to have our autographs personalized. My name is kind of a weird one - Rhiannon - and at first I was only going to have them put “Rhi” simply because it’s easier to write, easier to spell, etc. But I changed my mind and put my full name.

Richard looked at it, started writing it, and when he got to the second “n” he freezes and goes, “Wait. Did I do that right? That’s a lot of n’s.” 

PSA: If you have not yet noticed, Rich has some of the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something because I’ve also seen Jensen’s eyes up close. Fuck, man. Sunlight through whiskey, indeed.

Anyways. Gabe looked at my name and held up a finger as he spelled it out. “R-H-I-A-N-N-O-N. Is that right?” The volunteer at the table asked my mom, who was behind me, where she wanted him to sign her thing. She said he could sign it wherever - hell, he could draw a flower for all she cared. He looked up and grinned and said, “Oh, you’re getting a flower.” And he drew one for her. 

Alaina didn’t even blink at my name, just wrote it out like she did it every day. She told us that her kids all have unique names, and that it was because of her ex-husband, but she was like, “Really, you want to give our kids weird names? Okay, John.” She’s so cute, I love her.

Julian looked at it and asked, “Is it Welsh?” My mom and I both answered that it was and he asked what it meant. My mom said something about how it means goddess, water nymph, witch - and that I embody every single one of those. (I’m flipping my hair right now. Bow before me, peasants, I am your goddess.)

After that we had a bit of a break, so we ate dinner and then sat around for like an hour and a half before the karaoke party started. Once it started, it was great. We had Matt Cohen and Rich dressed up quite hilariously-

And if you haven’t heard about it yet, this is where Matt’s moose knuckle comes into play.

His mustache kept falling off and he had glue running into his mouth, poor dude. He and Rich were great, though. They made all the karaoke participants run in front of the stage whenever there was an instrumental break in their song. They were joined by all the people who had panels that day, as well as Rob, Jason Manns, and his college buddy Hayden Lee. Look at these precious friends.

Somewhere in the midst of practically screaming the words to all the songs, I realized I had a much bigger crush on Rob than I originally thought. It was one of those odd moments where you can feel yourself slipping down the slope of “oh god they’re really great I love them” and I’m still sliding down that incline. I’ve had like five Louden Swain songs stuck in my head for the past couple days, send help.

Anyways. Somehow the people singing karaoke went from nice classic rock to Toxic and Hollaback Girl and shit like that. It was weird. But a good time.

SATURDAY

Explored the vendor hall some more after we had breakfast. I found this shirt-

which I thought was great. Should’ve got it - I was a Friday person - but I didn’t. Oh well. Next time. After the vendor hall we had to go sit in the ballroom for the opening bit by Rob and Rich. They talked a little about the Women’s Marches going on all across the country, but veered off course when Rich missed the second “r” in Rob’s name, calling him “Robbit.” (Rob replied by calling Rich “Richad.”) One of them mentioned the similarity to The Hobbit. They called the Shire “the Squire” and “Hobbitville” and said,

“We’re not the tallest guys but we are the tallest Hobbits.”

One of them (I think Rob? Correct me if I’m wrong) spoke as a Hobbit in a high voice. Rich was like, 

“In the new Trump America, Hobbits have high voices.”

They talked about deporting all the Hobbits in the country, building a wall around the Squire, etc. And then somehow the topic moved onto Rich’s ice cream van. If you can find a video of this, please please PLEASE watch it. Funny shit. My favorite interaction to come out of it, though, was:

Rich: I do have a van.

Rob: Don’t...don’t get in Richard’s van.

Rich continued the trend of calling Rob “Bobbo” which I will never ever let go of. If I ever get around to writing all the Rob fic ideas I have now, he’s being called “Bobbo” at least once in all of them. Sorry not sorry.

I don’t really remember much else from their introduction on Saturday except Rich proclaiming,

“We are all parishioners in the High Church of the Holy Dick!”

To which I had to “woot!” in agreement because, I mean, c’mon. I’m totally a part of that now.

Jim Beaver was the first panel of Saturday morning. According to him, the elixir of life is Dr. Pepper, which I wholeheartedly second. Early on, he was asked a question pertaining to what he was recognized most for, Bobby or some other character. He said,

“A lot of people recognize me from prison.”

And when everyone laughed:

“I used to do outreach programs, what did you think I meant?”

He was asked how he prepared for the scene where Bobby dies, and he said, “I just...pretended I was dying.” He also said that during that entire scene, Jared was twisting his toes so it was a bit difficult to act like he was dying when that was happening. Towards the end of his panel, someone asked him what he would rename vampires. His answer:

“What’s wrong with callin’ them vampires? ... Toothy fang buddies.”

So now that we have a new name for vampires, I expect you all to adjust your lives accordingly. Petition for Twilight to be remade specifically for the purpose of replacing every instance of the word “vampire” with “toothy fang buddy.” (I’m laughing at my own idea, but just imagine: “Say it. Out loud.” “A toothy fang buddy.” Dear god I crack myself up.)

After Jim, it was Mark Pellegrino. Though his entire panel was extremely entertaining, the only things I wrote down had to do with what Lucifer did in the cage with Sam, Adam, and Michael as well as pre-release. To the first one, Mark said that the last time he answered that question, he’d been attacked on Twitter for merely suggesting that they were all getting it on, basically. So he changed his answer to, “A perennial game of strip poker.” (Someone write the fic.) In answer to what Lucifer did before he was freed from the cage, he said,

“Whatever he was doing with the others, he did with himself. Take that however you want.”

Somewhere in the panel, someone asked him how they could go about showing that they were a Supernatural fan without looking like a Satanist. Mark basically told the person to think about what other people think and say, “Fuck ’em.” Middle fingers all the way. Who cares what they think? Solid advice.

After Mark went off-stage, there was a bit of a break during which Rob was signing some things and the Misha photo op was going on. I had that photo op, and it was my first one, and I honestly don’t remember much about it, but here’s what I do remember.

I remember going upstairs to the room where they had the photos set up. As soon as I saw Misha, that was it, I started freaking out almost as bad as the girl in front of me. But the closer I got, the more I calmed down, mostly because he’s really tall and I was so focused on that I forgot why I was nervous. Like, I’ve seen posts about how he’s actually a normal-sized human being but damn, you don’t realize just how tall he really is until you’re about 10 feet away from him, starstruck.

When it was my turn, I just kinda forced the words out past the residual nerves and asked, “Can we do back-to-back with our arms crossed?” He gave a little nod and that was that. I looked up at him right after and thanked him. (My internal monologue at this point was something like: “holy shit this is Misha Collins his eyes are sO BLUE WHAT THE FUCK.”) As soon as I walked away I started crying, but I calmed down pretty quickly. Here’s how that op turned out:

Right after that, we had to go back downstairs for Mark Sheppard’s panel. I knew going into it that he has the tendency to make fun of the people asking the questions, but my mom did not know and so the first person he messed with she looked at me like, “What the hell???” But Crowley is one of her favorites and she soon was in tears laughing so hard. Just some quick interactions:

Fan: What’s it like being the King of Hell? Mark: I don’t know, I’m an actor who plays him.

A fan in the crowd hands him a rose. Mark: *to the fan asking a question* Yeah, I got a rose, you can go home now.

A fan dressed as Castiel is asking a question. Mark interrupts to ask who they’re dressed as.  "Um ... Castiel?” “Who’s she?”

A fan has their question written on their phone. Mark looks at it and says, “Will Crowley ever be the King of Hell aga- go away.”

After a fan calls him pretty: “I haven’t been called pretty in a long time. But it’s nice, and I appreciate it.”

He also stopped to play with probably every baby in the room. He’s such a dad, it’s so cute. 

After that was another break, so we were going to eat lunch, but as we were walking through the vendor hall, Louden Swain came out to their table to do a quick acoustic performance. Jason Manns and Hayden Lee joined them. We got lucky; we were able to be at the front of the crowd, close to the table, so that was super cool. In order, the songs are called “Night Light,” “Revolution,” and “Stowaway.” Here’s the full performance:

Afterwards we were also lucky enough to catch Jason and he was kind enough to take a quick photo. Like I said, real sweet guy. Also very big and I mean that in the best way because he made me feel small and I could get used to that. I did get used to that, actually, by the end of the con. I’m 5′2″, I can’t really feel anything but small. But anyways, Jason was great and he’s adorable. 

Not long after that was my photo op with Rob. He’s such a cutie oh my dear lord. I was one of the first maybe 20 or 30 to take a photo with him. When it was my turn, I asked, “Can you hug me from behind?” He was like, “Yeah!” (So cute, ugh.) After, I turned and thanked him and he said, “Thank you.” Maybe had a hand on my back/shoulder? I don’t remember. I was freaking out too much. He’s seriously attractive and I still can’t handle it.

Next was the panel with Rob, Rich, and Matt. Very first question was about the train story, so we got a super abridged version of that. Someone else asked if they could do their impressions of each other.

My favorite part of their panel was when Rob was asked what he would do to Rich and Matt if he had God’s powers for a day. Someone suggested making them make-out. Rob laughed and then gave his answer. I didn’t get the full quote, but this is basically the gist of it:

“I’d make Rich my go-get-me guy. You know, like, I left my bag in my room, go get me it. ... And Matt, Matt would be my body guard. ... And then I’d make them make-out.”

Rob was also asked how God would come back to the show. He said, “Sam or Dean would be praying, and I’d just walk around the corner, eating a bowl of cereal in my boxer shorts. ‘You called?’”

Look at these cuties.

Misha was the last panel on Saturday.

I didn’t realize until making this post that Misha’s feet are off the ground. Dorks. Anyways, the four big things I remember from him are:

House lights come up. Misha looks out at the audience and says, “Wow, this is almost as many people as were at Trump’s inauguration.”

A man asked a question but started with, “She said she’d hit me if I didn’t come ask you this.” Misha went on to interrogate the man about his marriage to this “she” only to find out that the woman in question was the man’s daughter. Misha’s face was priceless.

He was asked which bad habit of his he didn’t want his kids to inherit. He went on a rant about technology, and as soon as he finished, his phone rang. It was his mother-in-law, but when he called her back she said she hadn’t tried to call. She was so cute to listen to.

Someone asked about his internship at the White House. He said he expected it to be much more political, but they had him licking stamps all day. He told us, “I remember thinking, ‘This isn’t fun, I don’t like licking stamps’ - which is not entirely true. They’re kinda tasty.”

Me too, Misha, me too.

After that was my photo op with Rich. I was a little less nervous for this one than the previous two, but I mean it’s Richard Speight, Jr. of course I was excited. I got up to him and said, “Hi!” He said, “Hi, how ya doing?” to which I replied, “Good! Can you hug me from behind?” (I’m so original, I know.) He was like, “I sure can!” And like the other two, I thanked him afterward and he said thank you as well, one hand on my back. Squee!

As soon as that was done, we headed back downstairs for the next round of autographs: Mark Sheppard, Matt, Misha, and Mark Pellegrino. These went quick, because they were running a little behind schedule, so no personalization on these, sadly., except from Pellegrino Mark Sheppard asked me if I was having fun, to which I replied, “Yes! Very much fun.” There’s that wonderful English I was talking about earlier. Matt said he was going to take his two year-old to Disney Land in Cali. Misha didn’t say anything. Straight faced the entire time. Was a little unsettling. But I suppose that’s Misha. Mark Pellegrino was super nice. The woman in front of me shared a name with his mother, and my mom was like, “I bet no one in your family has her name” (”her” meaning mine). He kinda laughed and said, “Nope.” He wrote “Love you!” on it but at first I thought it was “fuck you!” and honestly I would’ve been happy either way.

We finally ate dinner. And then it was the Saturday Night Special with Louden Swain. We all got kazoos and glow sticks! We also raised over $5,000 just in the ballroom alone, for a total of more than $70,000 overall. It was nuts. When Misha announced it towards the end of the show, he got quiet and went, “Holy shit.” The show itself was amazing. I’m just going to put a few of the videos, but know that they also sang “No Time Like the Present,” “Whipping Post,” “Fare Thee Well,” “Wagon Wheel,” “Juliet,” “Amazing,” and some others (not in that order but you get the idea). The only thing I will say is that between songs, someone yelled that Rob gives good hugs. He asked, “What was the question? Free hugs?” The fan repeated their statement and Rob grinned really big and said, “Oh! Thank you. I- I like to give hugs.” Could he be any friggin’ cuter? (The answer is yes. So much yes.)

Superman - Rob and Rich

She Waits - such raw emotion from Rob. He’s a beautiful singer. Fuck. (Sidenote: after this song he got really quiet and got that 50-yard stare and I just. I love him. Precious man.)

Medicated - ft. the best kazoo solo ever (please listen to all the comments Rob makes because they’re hilarious. And so are Rich and Pellegrino trying to smoke their kazoos. This is also where the “Goddammit I love you” comes from.)

And that was the end of our Saturday night! Well, sort of. I'm pretty sure when we got back to our room I went and read some fanfiction, and my mom was like, “What are you reading?” After a long pause, I answered, “Fanfiction.” I read a bit more and then my mom told me to go to bed and said something about it being weird that I was reading porn in the same room as her. I believe her exact words were, “That’s kind of fucked up.” In my defense, only one of the five quick fics I read were porn, as she put it.

SUNDAY

First thing Sunday morning was the J2 Gold Panel. And yes this is when Jensen was asked the Destiel question, I don’t wanna talk about it, don’t ask me about it, just stop with it. It happened, now move on.

Jensen said that on set, whenever Jared doesn’t want to laugh out loud, he just hums. Straight up hums.

Someone asked them what Jared and Jensen would tell Sam and Dean and what Sam and Dean would tell Jared and Jensen. Jared replied, “As Jared, I’d tell Sam that there’s probably some demons in Hawaii. And as Sam, I’d tell Jared to watch out for Ruby.” Jensen answered, “As Dean, I’d tell Jensen to enjoy his blissful domestic life. As Jensen, I’d tell Dean to oil the freakin’ hinges on the car doors.”

I think after that was the Jensen photo op. I was shaking before I even got in line for it. As soon as I got in the room and saw him I started to tear up, but I held it together. About 60 seconds before it was my turn I decided I was just going to hug him - and I planned to say that - but once I stepped up next to him all I managed was, “Hi!” Damn his hair. Damn his height. Damn his eyes which were more hazel than green thanks to the shirt he wore. Just damn him. I don’t remember much except he was warm. I don’t even remember if I said thank you. As soon as I walked away, that was it, I started sobbing. Full on sobbing, with big fat tears and everything. Cried for probably half an hour, not gonna lie. He’s a beautiful human being.

lOOK AT HIS TONGUE THOUGH OMG.

Once I calmed down, I redid my make-up and then we walked the vendor hall one more time so I could get a Louden Swain t-shirt (and also bought their new album, No Time Like the Present - go listen to it, it’s great). Not long after that was my photo op with Jared. I was less nervous for this one - must have gotten it out of my system after Jensen. Jared was so cute. And so, so, so very tall. When it was my turn I asked him, “Can you use me as an armrest, for the height difference?” He was like, “Yeah!” I managed to sneak in a quick hug right after and good GOD his back muscles, you guys. So firm, so defined. Anywho, this was my favorite op of the weekend.

He’s so tall that his knee is bent even with his arm on my head. Amazing.

Right after that we ran back downstairs for the Louden Swain autograph signing and I talked to Rob!!! He’s so cute!!! No hesitation, I said, “I’m writing a story about you for my creative writing class.” He said, “Oh really?” and I was like, “Well, not you, more like God, but same difference, right?” My mom jumped in with, “She’s meeting you in an elevator.” I stepped to the side at this point as he had passed along the CD they were all signing, didn’t catch what he said (or even realize he said something until I noticed he was still looking at me). “Pardon?” I asked. He said, “That’s a good idea. Good luck!” and wINKED and I still haven’t come back to life from that yet. I’m a ghost now. He’s so goddamn pretty. Such blue eyes and a cute smile and I just. *buries face in hands*

Anyways. Jim Beaver had a Sunday panel. Here’s some of what stuck with me:

“I write pretty well when I get around to writing.”

(on kissing Mark Sheppard) “...it was like kissing a dirt sandwich with stubble. No, it was the most romantic day of my life. ... I don’t lose as much sleep over it as Mark Sheppard does. I’m not as needy as he is.”

“You’re asking me to be creative up here, which is more than I’m willing to do.”

(after answering about a Bobby and Rufus spin-off) “You guys would be there for an episode about a can of corn that was in an episode.”

“I really hate to disagree with the current administration, but there is actually a thing such as facts.”

After Jim, it was Jared and Jensen’s main panel. 

Honestly the main things that stuck with me from this were that “Pudding!” was written as Sam's line, and that the grenade launcher scene wasn’t scripted. 

Oh, and we sang Happy Birthday to Clif after the last question.

Mark Sheppard’s Sunday panel was the last thing before autograph signings. I was working on homework for most of this panel (and by homework I mean my God story), so the only things I caught were:

“Lumbersexual? Sounds like a back issue.”

&

“Word of the Day: Lumbersexual.”

After that Rob and Stephen sent us home and then the only thing left was the J2 autograph signings.

Oh, boy. We got Jensen first, and now that I had a little more time (because they really do rush you through the photo ops) it really hit me just how goddamn pretty he is. Obviously he’s an attractive guy, but in person? With the hair and the jawline and the lips and the eyes? Some lucky person ahead of us in line got the full force of the lip bite. Oh, to be that fortunate. Sigh.

Anyways. We get up there, in front of him, and after he asked how we were doing, my mom said something along the lines of, “I just wanted to thank you, because this show is the reason she is who she is, and her dad hasn’t always been the best dad, but you guys have kind of been like stand-in fathers for her.” She was tearing up and I just nodded in agreement and Jensen was smiling so soft at both of us - smile lines in full effect (did I mention he’s pretty?). I jumped in here and gestured to her crying and said, “She wouldn’t stop making fun of me earlier for not being able to say anything but ‘hi’ at the photo op.” That made him laugh and he looked at my photo and was like, “Look at that smile though!” Then he looked back up and grabbed my hand (*internal screaming intensifies*) then my mom’s and said that he loves hearing stories like that from fans. And that was that.

When we finally got up to Jared my mom had calmed down - like me, she got it out of her system. I had two things I wanted Jared to sign: my photo op with him, and this:

It was a chalk piece I did at a local street painting festival in February 2016, and I got so many compliments on it just for the quote alone. So I stepped up to the table and the first thing Jared said was, “I like your shirt.” I handed the AKF photo to him to sign and he got this big grin on his face and asked, “What’s that?” My mom and I both were like, “That’s you!” He said, “I know that, but what is it?” I explained what it was, then gave him a smaller version of it, saying, “That one’s for you to keep.” He looked at it, looked at me, and said, “Wow. This is amazing. You’re amazing.” Gave me a high five (his hands are so huge, damn). My mom said, “You’re amazing” and Jared replied with, “Well, that’s only because I get to be around amazing people all day.” He put his copy of the photo in a little box with other things people had given him, then when he turned back around he grinned again and said, “Fuck that’s cool.”

So he signed the AKF one, then my mom again explained the impact both he and Jensen have had on me and how “she fell in love with the show and the characters and then with you as people and as fathers, because her father isn’t always around.” Jared said, “Well thank you for being part of the family.” I was like, “No thank you.” Because seriously, without them, none of this would be possible as a fandom. Then he went to sign my photo op and said, “Now I feel bad for putting my arm on your head.” We laughed and said it was perfectly fine.

My mom asked real quick if he could write out “always keep fighting” for the tattoo I’m going to be getting, and the people at the table were like, “You only had two autographs” or whatever but Jared immediately said, “No I’ll write it. My handwriting is horrible, though.”

And that was it. I’m still overwhelmed by it all. Meeting them has been my dream for years. It doesn’t really feel real. But hey, Jared said I’m amazing and Jensen held my hand and Rob winked at me (and liked my tweet!!!), so I’m happy. Can’t wait to see what surprises the next go-round brings. But until then, stay lovely.

(If you’ve made it this far, congrats! I apologize for the ridiculous length. But while I have you here, if you have any fic ideas/requests, my inbox is always open.)

[tuscangallinadoro]

We were back in Italy for New Year and Epiphany which also happens to be our wedding anniversary (6th Jan), this year we learnt all about what Epiphany means to our Italian friends! La Befana is loved in Italy as much as Father Christmas we were told….

It was rumoured that a witch was invited to travel with the three kings to give gifts to the baby Jesus, she refused but then changed her mind so travelled across the land giving gifts to all children. La Befana travels on a broom and, in the night between 5th and 6th January, she will bring gifts, sweets in particular, to good children. For those less good, however, she only brings coal. Italian children leave out their shoes to be filled with gifts and sweets! 

Epiphany is a national holiday in Italy so from now on, it will be easy to remember our anniversary and easy to celebrate it! We had a terrific time over New Year too with friends both Italian and British, we still ate way too much though so that will be the same wherever we are!

Our house and apartments are looking really good, with the snow capped hills in the background we couldn’t be more delighted. We had hoped to be in for New Year but a delay with the final part of the mortgage means that the builders are off site again. We met with our new bank manager (new bank manager is part of our problem) who we had to take through all our details and accounts again, but of course because it is Christmas we can’t get the surveyor and notary sorted in time for us to resolve things this visit. We are becoming quite used to the delays and paperwork required to complete our project now and whilst not exactly relaxed about it, we are accepting of it!

  The olive pruning has started by the lovely Nicola he was busy doing the trees we didn’t do last year. The weather was very windy so we also had a bit of help from nature!

This does mean we need to get back out and have some more bonfires for all the branches and get the chainsaws (we have two now thanks to my dad) out to start chopping up the large branches into firewood. I have an idea I would like to make some bread boards or chopping boards from some of the wood but as you can imagine Andy thinks i’m mad. I suppose I need to go on a woodworking course to learn what to do and I suppose I should be learning Italian before I learn woodworking!!

Oh and guess who is back…….

Mr and Mrs Wild Boar have been turning over our ground again, you would think given it is hunting season they would have more things to worry about than coming onto our land and furrowing the grass! The new fence that Charlie has put in doesn’t yet give us protection from them but it does look very pretty and the locals love the fact we have done it the traditional way. It has also been a new thing for us using the wood from our forest to build our own fences, something that will come in handy if we need more fence.

Finally, this is the inside of one of our wells, we have two, we have to make them secure so people don’t fall into them or try to push someone into them (been reading too many thrillers this Christmas).  We also need to make sure that even if a person can’t fall in a small child can’t drop their parents keys in to see what happens! I think it is really pretty inside so it would be a shame to cover it completely, so if anyone has any bright ideas we would be happy to hear them! 

Epiphany and New Year We were back in Italy for New Year and Epiphany which also happens to be our wedding anniversary (6th Jan), this year we learnt all about what Epiphany means to our Italian friends!

[scarfninjawrites]

Scarfninja’s Jukebox/Music Writing Tag

Inspired to do this tag by @shaelinwrites even though I wasn’t tagged (you can see her post here). Of course, this gave me a great excuse to my another playlist on 8tracks again, which you can listen to here. 

The rules are:

1. List lyrics that best describe your characters from your manuscript (doesn’t have to be current)

2. List at least three characters/lyrics

Also, thanks to @sarahkelsiwrites for creating this. I love doing these sorts of posts so I hope to do it some justice. Here we go!

HOPE : “So you can throw me to the wolves/Tomorrow I will come back/Leader of the whole pack" Throne - Bring Me the Horizon 

To be honest, this song could pretty much describe like 90% of my characters. But seeing as Hope literally drags herself through hell, I think it’s best suited for her.

Hope is from the first arc of my first, giant project, which I refer to as The Saga. She’s the first of eight chosen to change the system of magic within their world. A bit of a stoic, you might be shocked to see how protective and loyal she is to her friends and family.

Also she has lightning magic. get it?

LOLA: “And I don't give a damn about my reputation/Never said I wanted to improve my station"  Bad Reputation - Avril Lavigne 

The second heroine of The Saga. Fun fact: Lola is actually the protagonist of the very first book I ever wrote. Also, like her successor, Rouge, I primarily associate her with the color red.

Lola is the closest thing I have to an anti-heroine. She has less gripes with doing morally gray things if it means achieving her goal. Admittedly, her motivation, returning ancient relics to where they belong, is a pretty pure one. But she has no problems with killing or blackmailing people, and she’s certainly not afraid of standing up to people.

She’s been discriminated against for her entire life for being a halfling, so she’s pretty jaded. 

ANDY: "One breath in this moment/We'll stay 'til we're chosen, and through it all/With our eyes wide open/We'll fight 'til we're broken/We rise and fall" Rise & Fall (Krewella Mix) - Adventure Club (feat. Krewella) 

The Saga’s third heroine, and another halfling. She’s also a knight, and has a strong sense of morality and holds her ethics in high regard. Probably the most honorable of the six Saga heroines.

Needless to say, Andy is not afraid of dying in battle if she thinks it will help. She takes her status as a knight and bodyguard super seriously. I can’t talk about her too much without getting into some spoiler territory, unfortunately.

I picked this song for her because I think it has a nice “breathy” element to it that she would really like. That’s probably a weird way of describing it, but it gets at her essence. 

SHARONA: "I'm such a star/Queen boulevard/Blaze through the dark/And never stop, it's how we ride/Comin' up until we die" Break the Rules - Charli XCX 

Sharona, or should I say, Princess Sharona, is The Saga’s fourth heroine and arguably its liveliest.

The best way to think of Sharona is if you take the easy-going nature of Son Goku and mixed it with pre-Angel Cordelia. Also while keeping Goku’s battle lust. Essentially, Sharona will do whatever Sharona wants. And if she’s bored, she will let you know in the bluntest terms possible. (”Yes, Mr. Prime Minister, this meeting is a complete drag so I’m going to leave now.”) If it weren’t for her older brother, Aodh , and his mastery of persuasion there would probably be more threats against her life.

Sharona is also easily distracted. Despite in being search of previously mentioned older brother, every time Sharona arrives in a new town, she immediately goes in search for the strongest person around to challenge them to a fight. And she will not leave town without fighting them.

In a contemporary novel, she would be your local party girl and upcoming Instagram model. Would constantly pose with her tongue sticking out and would drive a car with a detached roof just like music videos. 

CHRISSI: "I crawled over broken glass/To find a place in the sun/Was with me all along" Awesome- Darling Violetta 

The Saga’s fifth heroine has no magic or fighting skill, but she has a pretty unique skill. Chrissi is a “jademaker” or someone who specializes in making magically enchanted charms that help with the most mundane of tasks to enhancing entire armies.

In terms of personality, she’s a bit of a proto-Jenna; both are dreamers, and romantics at heart, are super optimistic about life and take a backseat to the hardcore action. Chrissi is a bit more confident in herself, however, and unlike Jenna, she got her formal schooling from going to an academy rather than a tutor.

Since the fourth and fifth arcs of The Saga have the shortest time gap (only four years), she’s actually introduced during Sharona’s story, and they have cute nicknames for each other - “Cupcake” and “Roni”. (Chrissi was only eleven at the time, cut her a break. Judge Sharona more). Despite all the teasing, Chrissi really looks up to her and wants to do well by her. In fact, Sharona was the one who encouraged Chrissi’s dream of studying and becoming a great jademaker.

CLARISSE/LIESE: "We play with fire/These yellow marks get glowing/Ember on the wire, I'm burning with you on this black tar road/When it feels this good, you don't let go" One Bad Night - Hayley Kiyoko

The last heroine of The Saga is also the youngest at fourteen. Until the night she was attacked by zombie (yes the story really goes there), she had no idea she was a fire mage. She was under the impression that her life would be normal (or rather, as normal as it can get in this world) and being inducted into an underground resistance was not part of that plan.

These lyrics were picked more for an on the nose reason - her fire magic. I think an older Liese would listen to a lot of Hayley Kiyoko and relate to her though, especially this song. More or less, she’s a pretty typical teenager thrust into a situation she’s unprepared for. Like Sharona, she thrives off of parties and people, though she’s got more tact and lacks Roni’s confidence.

Also, Liese is her nickname I chose because of one of my favorite video game characters. 

JENNA FELDBERN: "Waiting for love/Waiting for the same or/Dreaming on the other side/Hoping no matter how far I'll find my way to you/Following a rainbow" Rainbow - Colbie Caillat 

Hardcore romantic lesbian witch. Jenna’s story is probably the most easygoing I’ve ever written, and Elixir’s playlist (not the mini mix) has a lot of Colbie Caillat. This and One Fine Wire describe her best.

Jenna aspires to greatness, and wants to see if she has any secret witch abilities. It’s unlikely, considering the magic gene runs pretty low in her family. It was a major surprise that her mother was born a witch at all. Still, Jenna is determined to evolve her skills.

More to be revealed in my eventual All About My Novel post for Elixir of Heaven.

MELISSA: "My friends ain't gotta worry more/They meet outside the corner store/And walk the pavement, miss the cracks/I’d join them if I could relax" Hang It Up - The Ting Tings 

Melissa is from a short story I wrote called “From the Sidelines”. It’s essentially the story of a mistreated sidekick trying to do the right thing in the face of abuse and incompetence. 

In short, she’s Hermoine - super smart and gets everything done only for the “hero” to get all the credit. It’s only when she has her views challenged by the sidekick of the story’s villain that she has to really consider whether or not she can continue fighting the good fight the same way.

She also has a really cool friend she’d rather be hanging out with most of the time but can’t because of freakin’ Kevin.

ROUGE DELAVILLE: "We fight for the dream/We fight to the death/We fight for control" Fight Like A Girl - Emilie Autumn 

The second heroine associated with the color red. Rouge is from my Little Red Riding Hood reimagining Captain Rouge. Which is basically a retelling with sailing and magic.

She’s pretty similar to Sharona, though a bit more diluted. She’s also no where near as extroverted, and when actually trying to make friends, she struggles a bit. She’s kind of lonely. She’s also the only other noble character I have.

Still, Rouge has no problems speaking her mind, and has dreams of sailing across the oceans to see other countries. She’s definetely a fighter, and can often be seen training with either her gun or in hand-to-hand combat. She gets to sent to her grandmother to work at her shipyard, since her parents can’t tolerate her “bad attitude.” Rouge is also asexual and aromantic and has zero desire of being tied down in a political marriage, something that causes her endless stress. It’s also caused a strain in her relationship with her sister, Bianca.

I’ll be talking a bit more about her in my All About My Novel post for Captain Rouge, so I’ll cap it here.

MARIA VALENTINA: "Made of concrete made of gold/I am young and I am old/Preach the Son's eternity/You tell them lies/You tell them all" I Am Shell, I Am Bone - Gazelle Twin 

I’ve brought up this song a bunch of times, and I mentioned that it was one of the biggest inspirations for The Twilight Court, and specifically one of its main characters. I never revealed what her name was though.

Maria is one of the POVs in part 2 of the book. I can’t really tell you all that much more about her role, so here are some trivia facts instead: she’s also associated with the color red. She’s Italian and Catholic. Maria isn’t her real name. She’s unknowingly asexual and aromantic.

This was fun, so I might do another one soon, except with Disney songs.

Check out my other playlists!

The Twilight Court

Elixir of Heaven

Lola’s Novel (Dark Scarlet)

Also, I tag anyone interested in doing this.

[isobeldickinsonfmp2]

mental heath disorders

Mental heath disorders

Before I move on with looking at my final piece Ideas, I wanted to reach mental heath disorders. Because it gives me more knowledge on the people that I’m trying to reach out to and better understanding of mental heath disorders.

Mental heath is a cognitive, behaviour and emotional well-being. It is all about how we think, feel and behave. This affects daily life, relationships and physical heath. This is why it is important to have a good mental heath so it has a positive effects on your life.

The term mental heath is sometimes used to mean an absences of a mental disorder (Timothy j legg.2020). There is more then 200 mental heath disorders. (Andy 2020) The most common are, Anxiety disorder, mood disorder[1],schizophrenia and psychotic disorder. (Dr Glen Xiong 2018).

Lots of people suffer with mental heath issues, in 2017 approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK alone had experienced mental heath problems. In England, 1 in 6 report experiencing a common mental heath problem (such as anxiety and depression) in any given week (anonymous 2017) , this roughly calculated up to 16 million people (MCManus,S 2017).

Bad Environments can effect your mental heath and lead into mental heath disorders. Certain genes may increased the risk of developing a mental illness and your life situation may trigger it. Environmental exposure before birth e.g.  inflammatory conditions, toxins, alcohol or drugs while in the womb can sometimes be linked to mental heath. (Anonymous 2019)

Depression

Depression in psychology is defined as mood or emotional state that is marked by feelings of low self – worth or guilt and a reduced ability to enjoy life. This is a very common mental heath disorder.

When experiencing depression it feels like your thought are a heavy beg pulling of which you try and get off. You do this to try and feel slightly happy again but its stuck, it’s like your trapped in your own bad thoughts that screams at you. this is a 24/7 occurrence that is inescapable.

If you are suffering with depression, the best thing to do go to your GP and they will refer you onto the right support for you. Sometimes they send you to ether therapy or counselling as well as the option of medication. In the instance that your GP dose prescribe medication the best thing is to carry on taking it for the time they have set. although it maybe tempting to stop medication as your mood lifts, continue taking it for as long as the doctor recommends. Most doctor’s advise to taking antidepressants for six months to a year after they no longer feel depressed. (Brenda Conaway 2010)

In 2014, 19.7% of people in the UK aged 16 and over showed symptom of anxiety or depression – an 1.5% increase from 2013. (headscape2020)

Anxiety

Symptoms of Anxiety disorder is persistent and excessive anxiousness and worry about activities or events, even ordinary things such as going out the house (mayo cinic staff 2018) . Other symptoms can be nightmares, obsessive thoughts, even physical such as pain and headache (timothy j legg.2020). This is most likely to form into a panic attack when there overwhelmed. A panic attack is every common when you have anxiety disorder, for most people feeling like they can’t breath. When having this the best thing to do Is try the grounding or safe place skills.

Overall It has a massive effect on everyday life because it makes it harder to try new things, to take risks in the work place or personal life. Many people experiencing anxiety feel changed in. they see things they want to do in life but their anxiety keeps them from trying. This can lead into loss of income and unfollowed potential. (Recovery Ways 2018)

To get help with anxiety the best way is to go to the GP, They will try and give you the best help for you. the treatments for it is the same as depression, witch is therapy or counselling as well as the option of medication.

Anxiety and depression are closely linked togethers because it’s hard to differentiate between the two. In most cases one leads to the other; for example if you have bad anxiety you feel very anxious and don’t to go outside due to a fair of interacting. This will  then you to stay in and over think witch get you into a bad headspace witch may turn into depression and vice versa. (Karl Nezbit 2020)

In 2013, there wear 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK (no panic 20180)

Bipolar

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder. It’s a condition that causes extreme mood swings. The main symptoms are episodes of extreme highs and lows, which can last for several weeks. (NHS 2020)

Many people with bipolar are still highly functional Individuals and can maintain a healthy professional and personal life when taking treatments. The treatments Persist of medication and talking therapy. (NHS 2020)However, Untreated bipolar is more likely Worsen and interfere with daily life. This can lead into Suicidal thoughts and actions can occur in both manic and depressive episodes. ( timothy J Legg 2018)

In 2013, there wear almost 4 million cases of mood disorders In the UK. In 2014 Experts said younger people was More likely to have bipolar then older people. 3.4% of 16 – 24 year olds was screened positive but only 0.4% of 65-74 year olds screened positive. (Headscape 2020)

Why should we talk?

For people with mental health problems not being able to talk about it can be one of the worst parts of the illness. By getting people to talk about mental heath we brake that barrier down. This improve relationships and gets them on the path of recovery (Andrew Berrie 2019). Without talking, the problems will grow. They may end up using bad coping mechanisms such as self- harm, drug’s and alcohol. Which may lead into Addictions, because these substance effect the way you feel, both physic and mentally. These feelings can be enjoyable for a short Length of time this is called a “hight”,  It create a Powerful urge to use the Substance again.

Addiction is when you feel like you need it and can’t life without it. This makes you start depending on it. You can get addicted to anything, not all addictions are bad. The most common addictions are drug, alcohol, gabling and Neurotics (NHS 2020). These all have negative effects on your mental heath, physical health.

Not all people that have addictions start off stuffing with mental heath issues. It may just be in there genetics. Experts have proven that children of addicts are 8 time more likely to become addicted then children of non – addicted family’s. As well, those with certain mental heath illnesses are more likely to develop addiction (Anonymous 2015).

To prevent this from starting or carrying on, the best thing is talking. Talking will help you to find professional help. That can give you heathy copping mechanisms such as safe place and grounding.

My own views

People who are struggling with mental heath issues. Feel alone and are suffering every second of every day and night there is no piece. What can we do to help? Read and learn about the issues, you don’t need to be an expert. You just need to listen and try and spot sights. This will help because then you can advise to them to go to the GP and get the best help they can. Alone side this you can help them with techniques, give the best advice you can to guide them alone the way.  

Each mental heath disorder have there own methods to get better. I find with PTSD and anxiety the best thing Is to do grounding techniques this will give you a clear mind so all the bad thoughts will go away. I find for depression the best thing to do is wright about all the thought and feelings so there not stored in your mind pilling up. Then uses grounding techniques when you feel like it’s going to get worst that you can’t control. for each person they will have different techniques that are fit for helping them.

iv learnt a lot about the mental illnesses although when I was going thought this. The reach helped me because now I can been sensitive with how I go about my work and what other ways I should try and add to help people. This has also brought out the importance of having someone there to help so these people are not suffering alone.