#and/or rewrite the old one

[rafeandonlyrafe]

unexpected consequences

words: 700

warnings: 18+ only!, smut, p in v sex, condoms breaking, pregnancy/breeding talk, unprotected p in v sex, established relationship, mention of marriage

“oh fuck, yeah.” you moan out, fingers gripping rafes shoulders. “right-right there.”

your moans are extra loud today, having been apart from rafe for nearly a week after he had business out of the country. rafe is just as pent up as you, thrusting harshly into your cunt to the chorus of his grunts.

“close.” rafe warns, but you could tell anyways by the swelling of his cock that he wouldn’t last long.

“oh my god, yes.” you moan out, back arching off the bed as your release pushes through your body, cumming with a final shout of your boyfriends name.

rafe drops his head into your neck as he cums inside of you, pushing as deeply as he can as your cunt pulses around him. you wrap your arms around his shoulders and press soft kisses to his head while rafe pants through his orgasm, until you shift slightly and feel it inside of you.

“rafe, pull out.” you shove at his shoulder, causing him to look up in concern, but he slips his softening cock out.

“what is it baby?” rafe asks. you look down at the condom he always wears, where theres always a bit of white cum gathered at the tip, but this time it looks practically empty, like he just rolled it on.

“rafe.” you hit his shoulder, causing him to flinch and look down.

“wha-” rafe suddenly realizes the issue, rolling himself off the bed as he walks into the bathroom, no doubt to inspect the condom and tell you what you already know is true.

“it broke.” rafe says when he comes out a moment later.

“i know.” you admit, shifting your hips from side to side again. “i can tell.”

“im so sorry baby.” rafe says with a sigh, laying on the bed next to you but not pulling you into his arms, not sure if you want to be touched.

“its okay.” you hum softly, mind still reeling. “you didn’t know.”

“what are we gonna do?” rafe asks, knowing you’re not on birth control due to affecting other medication you’re on.

“well, i can take a plan b in the morning…” you say quietly. 

“or.” rafe encourages you to continue, able to tell that you aren’t finished.

“or we could wait and see. i mean i probably won’t get pregnant just from one time, right?” you shrug.

“what about if it does take? and you’re pregnant?” rafe asks, looking at your tummy.

as if you’re thinking the same thing, you lay your hand over your stomach, knowing that even if you are pregnant there is nothing in there yet, but the thought alone has you rubbing gently over your skin. “i don’t know.” you admit.

“i want to keep it.” rafe blurts out. “if-if you are pregnant.” rafe can’t take not touching you any longer, pulling you close to him and tangling your limbs together.

“are you sure?” you raise your eyebrows. you think rafe would be an amazing father, knowing how protective he is of you, and how he strives every day to take even better care of you. “we are so young.”

“i love you. i want to be with you, i want a family with you. why not start now?” rafe questions. he won’t admit it to you yet, but he’s been thinking about taking the next step, having even gone ring shopping to see his options. “besides-” rafe smiles, “why are you trying to talk me out of it? you’ve always wanted kids.”

you grin back at him. “i know.” you let a giggle free, feeling giddy about the possibility. you’ve always wanted to become a mom, especially because you have so many younger siblings. “so, are we doing this?”

“yes.” rafe says definitively, pulling you in for a kiss, a comforting one that you truly need.

“oh my god, im so excited.” you break the kiss to mumble against his lips.

rafe nods in agreement, lowering a hand between your bodies to touch your stomach. “probably too early to start talking to your tummy, huh?” 

“definitely. i mean, we don’t even know if i’m pregnant, it may take a couple tries…” you trail off, hoping rafe gets your intention.

“well, i will just have to keep cumming inside you.” rafe shrugs. “in fact, we shouldn’t take any chances and i should fill you up again right now.”

rafes hand lowers from your stomach to your thigh as he grabs your flesh and pulls your leg over his hip, spreading your thighs for him as your cunt rubs up against his quickly hardening cock.

“rafe!” you shout with a laugh, but don’t stop him as he begins to grind his cock into your core.

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @emma77645 @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart

[ganondoodle]

did a little sketch yesterday that i really liked and tried to get it done today just so i got literally anything to post- but i fell into the trap of 'making sketches to elaborate and thus really stiff and non fun' (for me), ... soooooo .. im redoing the whole thing

but the idea was a mummy ganondorf for my (yes still existing) totk rewrite; i wanted to make him more scary looking and also emphasize just how horrid it must be to be kept in between life and death by having your heart grabbed by a cold and vengeful magical hand for thousands of years (in this case the ancient queen .. which i also tried to sketch despite not showing up aside from her dissolving hand)

the spell starting to fail and his body being more damaged in some parts (jaw being only the bones left for example) and his chest open from being slowly eaten up by the queens magic, the ribs contorting around it like its a gravitational pull- sounds cooler than it looks bc this sketch did not work out, so im saving the details for the .. hopefully, better version

[shummthechumm]

assorted (rewrite) designs that i never posted here? das crazyyy

[gracebethartacc]

MY FRIENDS!!!! <3333

[festering-bacteria]

Reworked some of my redesigns, forgor to post them when I made them so here they are now :3

[yeloenk]

drops my dream redesign doodles. and runs away

he has the maturity of an adult. and his name is daydream !! 😋

if u guys are interested i have a rewrite of dreamtale in the works called somnibound... just lmk if u wanna see moar!!! because there will be much lore. much.

this redesign is old btw ive had him sitting in a dusty corner for a while. i am testing the waters

Cross belongs to @/Jakei95

Daydream belongs to me

[lyn-ne]

shoutout to that one honakana ver that made me wanna redraw this scene

[wishchip106]

need more old men cherik

hrrmmm last stand cherik where are you

widower Erik at the end of that movie damn

i wish they kept it so he didn’t get his powers back at the end he needs to struggle from time to time

lost the love of his life AND his whole reason of being

put some more on his plate I’m sure it’ll fit 😁 (it’s already overflowing)

i need to see his reaction to Charles being alive

THE MAN DOESNT STAY DEAD

pookie a cockroach forreal 😧

if he was younger he would jump up and down in joy but now he would break a hip

calm down old man

“Charles Xavier did more for mutants than you would ever know, my single greatest regret is that he had to die for our dream to live”

ho you gay? 🤨

(yes)

defending his man

he was ready to beat pyro’s ass to next week

damn thinking how Erik had to see Charles die ☹️

“CHARLES!” FUCKKKKK 😭😭😭😭

god these tragic ass motherfuckers making me go insane

i know for a fact he cried offscreen you cannot tell me otherwise

i love seeing edits that switch between their old and young selves

ah gayness through the ages

“you think we’re dramatic now? you should have seen us in our thirties”

lol 😔

[evanwevand]

Redrew that shit (aka my first digital Bright fanart from December 2022)

Hope no one says I got art regression and that the old one is better..... /Ref

[himejoshiangels]

unfortunately thinking hard abt how Bruce meets duke at three vastly different times in his life and how he watched the innocence and cheer leave him as he got older and more jaded only for his spirit to blaze with hope when he matures into the signal

[gumjester]

THINGS I NOTICE ABOUT MY OWN WORK WHEN FRANTICALLY TRYING TO PLOT FURTHER: i have never written the word 'rebel' in eah:rir i a m not even joking. i have written the word 'rebellion' once in chapter 23 . NOTHIG ELSE. 95000 WORDS AND I STILLH AVENT GOTTEN AROUND TO THE WHOLE REBEL PART OF IT ALL

[osamusriceballs]

The Accident - Final Part

Atsumu x fem Reader

Warnings: Smut

Words: ~ 2,1 k

About: Not much to say- enjoy the ending! <3

Part I II -> Epilogue

"Y/n!"

He smiles and waves when he spots you, his expression soft and excited as he jogs towards you, passing the court in an instant. You notice Sakusa and Hinata on the field too, waving in your direction, and you hear Bokuto calling your name. You return the greeting and wave at him too with a smile.

Atsumu comes to a stop when he finally reaches you, his hands immediately finding your hips and pulling you close. "What's my wifey doing here?" He leans down to peck your lips, his excitement barely concealed.

"I thought you could use some moral support. And maybe some food." You shyly smile and raise the bag in your hand just a little, the Onigiri Miya logo evident on it. "I asked Samu to make something that works with your diet. And I got a dessert for you, the one from the cafe we visited last time." He looks at you softly, his hands still holding your hips tightly, not the slightest bit embarrassed about showing his affection in front of his teammates.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. Yer always so good to me." You blush at his words, trying to wave it off, but he pulls you closer and kisses you again, his lips now firmly pressing against yours. You easily give in, your free hand resting on his biceps, feeling the smooth and hot skin under your fingers, not caring about the fact that he is slightly sweaty by now. The faint sounds of volleyballs meeting the ground are drowned out by the sound of your heartbeat, and a soft gasp escapes your lips when he ever so lightly brushes his tongue against yours. You pull back, clearly flustered, and he grins at your state. "Wanna come over tonight?" You nod with a smile, and he pecks your lips one last time before letting you go.

"Can't wait, wifey."

xxx

"Tsumu!"

You yell, eyes only on him when he is about to serve. You're fully convinced that he can't hear you in the crowd, yet his eyes still flicker to your direction for a second before he focuses on the ball again, the red uniform a stark contrast to his bright hair.

He looks amazing. He's so focused on the game, you can see it in his eyes. This is the final moment of the game—if they manage to score one more point, the game will be over. You can see the pressure on him in his posture, and you can't help but want to hug him and make him feel more at ease.

He's serving, flawlessly as always, and you hold your breath when the other team receives his mean serve—and you find your heart skipping a beat when it's not Atsumu setting the ball after a fast attack from the other team, but rather Kageyama setting the ball and Atsumu attacking—surprisingly, even though you know that he does decent in every position. And you almost cry when his attack scores the final point, and he yells loudly and raises his arm triumphantly. You hug Yachi, who almost had a heart attack during the intense game, and you look up surprised when you see Atsumu staring at you happily and ignoring the cameras and media to come to you.

You're absolutely flabbergasted when he simply hugs you and slightly lifts you off the ground, grabbing your face almost too harshly before he kisses you in front of everyone. You're frozen, the noises of cameras clicking and yelling people almost overwhelming, but you somehow feel safe in his arms, so you just return the kiss and hug him tight too. He still beams from excitement when he pulls back, and you can't help but smile softly before you gently push some strands out of his face. "Congratulations. You did amazing." He smiles even brighter at your words, and you laugh breathlessly.

"Did it all for you. And for Japan. But for you too." He laughs, his chest still heaving heavily, and you can't help but smile softly. "I'm honored. And Japan too."

You press a last longing kiss to his lips and then you slowly let him go. "Now go—you need to get your medal or something. You're a world champion. I'll meet you after that, and we can celebrate." You smile gently, and he laughs happily. "Sure, wifey. I'll get my real reward later." His smile turns smug, and you blush feverishly. "S-sure," you whisper, flustered by his comment and avoid looking at his eyes.

"My real prize."

xxx

"Y/n?"

"Hmm?" you slightly raise your head, just enough to look at his face. You're comfortably cuddled against his chest, a thin blanket thrown over you both while you watch an animated fireplace and listen to slow music. His utterly relaxed expression is slightly crowded with unease, as if he has something on his mind.

"I was thinking... if you maybe wanna to store some clothes here. Like permanently. I made some space in my closet for you. Not like I want ya to move in already, I know most couples wait- but- just saying. There's space. Technically."

You raise your eyebrows, your eyes wide open, and he clears his throat awkwardly. The way he seems so shy and insecure about it—a state that you have never seen on him before. It warms your heart when you think about how nervous he is to ask just this, but it also fills you with excitement and makes your heart flutter.

"So... you wouldn't want me to move in?" You say while you try to suppress your teasing smile and try to seem as serious as you can. You feel his body tensing under your fingers, and his arm that had been loosely caressing your bare lower back under your shirt freezes.

"I didn't say that." He stretches the syllables while he seems to be in an inner conflict. "I just meant that ya might get uncomfortable if you're already moving in. It's only been a few months, I know that most couples wait a bit longer with that." He looks down at you, his tone showing his serious curiosity. "Are you not against moving in?"

You pause, taken aback by the statement, and proceed to think about it. You know that moving in together is a big step- but on the other hand, you both have been married for quite some time. And being together with Atsumu just feels so right—you really don't mind moving in after seven months.

"I'm... not against it, to be honest. It's unconventional, but we're kinda already married, so I think it's fine to skip some steps. here." A deep relieved sigh leaves his lips, and you feel his posture relaxing once again. "Sounds good. I got ya a key on the counter, we can move your stuff gradually, if you want to? But I made a lot of space in my closet actually, you might wanna go shopping to fill it. My treat of course."

You look at him wide-eyed. "You already have a key for me ready?"

He looks away with a faint blush on his cheeks, his hand absently caressing your back again, but now more relaxed while his lips curl into a triumphant grin.

"Maybe."

xxx

"Y/n?"

"Hmm?" You turn towards him and see a letter in his hands.

"That's um..." he clears his throat, his eyes looking anywhere but your direction. "It's from our lawyer. It's about the divorce. The year is over."

You freeze, carefully making your expression neutral while you wait for him to continue.

"It's um... we can—ya know. Wait a bit. I mean—you're busy with work and I'm also busy with Samu's new shop. We can maybe wait just a bit longer. If you want to. No pressure."

And you finally smile when you reach for his shirt and pull him down to press a kiss on his lips.

"Sounds good."

xxx

Tsumu—"

You look up at him in the mirror with pleading eyes, his hand tightly wrapped around your throat.

"Now come on. Tell me, what ya want me to do?" He grins teasingly, knowing fully well that you can't speak with his hand now firmly wrapped around your throat. You manage to gasp his name, and he raises an eyebrow. "What was that? Didn't hear ya, sweetheart. Might wanna try harder here."

You avert your gaze, overwhelmed by the intensity of it and arch your back slightly against him, offering him your neck submissively. A groan leaves his lips and his eyes soften at the sight of you. "So pretty for me. Always so good." He tilts your face and kisses you, the grip around your neck loosening and his free hand wandering to your chest, gently squeezing your body.

His lips are glued to yours, the kiss starting out softly, but quickly turning into a messy clashing of lips melding together and tongues grazing against each other. It's hot, so, so hot when his hand stops palming your chest and moves further down your stomach, causing you to gasp and whine against his lips as you tense under his touch until his hand stops between your legs. He doesn't stop the kiss, instead keeping one hand loosely around your neck while the palm of the other hand cups your pussy and presses against it. Your hips buck into his touch and you break the kiss embarrassedly after a lewd needy sound escapes your lips.

"What was that?" He asks, a bit breathlessly, but his lips curl into a smug grin. "Gettin' shy on me? You know that I love those pretty sounds. Especially when I do—this—" Two of his fingers push inside of you with no further warning and your body almost bends over at the feeling, but his hand quickly moves from your neck around your upper body to press you tightly against him. "Uh-uh, pretty wifey. Not escaping yer husband. I need to fulfill my duties after all, right? Satisfy my wife and all that. Look at ya, how you enjoy that, huh?" He slowly pumps his fingers in and out of you, the squelching sound making you whine embarrassedly, yet it feels so good that your eyes flutter closed and your mouth stays agape. He brings you to your high like this and holds you when you tense around his fingers, clenching tightly around him like a vice, his name leaving your lips breathlessly.

"Tsumu—" you whisper, your voice hoarse, but your body feeling so good and satisfied, and he softly pulls his fingers out with a lewd sound. "Oh, love, you made such a mess, huh?" He looks at his fingers with a grin and then down to your pussy, his tongue quickly coming out to lick his lips.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of ya."

xxx

"Tsumu—do we have to go out? We could also relax at home. Watch that movie maybe. Or... do different things." You smile a bit shyly as you hug his arm and press your chest against his biceps in a way that you hope is seductive.

He freezes for a second and then shakes his head. "As tempting as that offer is, we have plans. Or I have made plans. For us." He wraps his arm around your waist and directs you towards a building—that looks suspiciously familiar to you. "Tsumu— is that—no way! Why are we here?" Your eyes grow even bigger when you recognize the building, but he ignores your comment and simply pushes you forward. "C'mon, we have an appointment—and you need to get ready," he grins, but you can see a faint hint of nervousness in his eyes when he opens the door and reveals the club where you had met during your first day. Your jaw drops when you see the decorations—all in a classical wedding style, like the pictures you often like on Pinterest. "Tsumu—don't tell me—"

"Y/n." You hear his voice firmly, and you look at him, who suddenly lets go of you and looks at you a bit mischievously before he smoothly sinks down to one knee.

"I can't remember the first time I did this, but I promise, I won't forget this time. I wanna do everything right, Y/n. Marry you properly, be your husband and care for you."

You look at him, feeling tears dwell in your eyes when you realize how he has spent the last few weeks preparing this—and you bite your lip to avoid a sob when he pulls out a ring—similar to the one he had given you last time, yet even more beautiful.

"Will ya marry me?

xxx

A/n: Thank you so much for following this series! I'll make an epilogue about the night they met around next week-ish! But after that, that's it for the series! I hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the next one! <3

[lucydoodlessometimes]

Icon...

[bonefall]

Reading your post about the DOTC leaders made me wonder - in BB, when does the DOTC naming style shift into the modern naming style? If they're already using modern-style names by the time Windstar's (possible) grandson is leader, that seems pretty quick - unless Cloudberry and Ryewhisker had DOTC-style names originally, and just got called modern-style names later on.

They did originally have DOTC style names! There's going to be more shuffles soon as I move to expand the Forest Cats into a third major cultural group, but I'm planning for all three of these groups to contribute to the naming system.

The older story, which I'm going to be shuffling now, is that two-part names came from Mountain Cats, but the name changes come from Park Cats.

Mountain Cats have a given prefix, and a familial suffix.

Whichever familial suffix the kittens receive is "political." Usually the names are split evenly, so as an example, Jackdaw Cry and Hawk Swoop named one twin Lightning Cry, and the other twin Acorn Swoop, but Clear Sky insisted that ALL of his kittens receive Sky as their familial suffix. Except Thunder Storm, of course, who he disowned.

This stops being used after the collapse of the River Kingdom and the massive conflict that came from the succession crisis. After that, Byyrkabraw, directly translated as "scab-forming" and roughly translated as "nepotism," becomes a taboo to be avoided. Sharing last names with your parents and family took on a bad, biased connotation for several generations.

Thus, the system dies in Clan Culture. However, it persists and evolves in Tribe Culture! Brook's name in BB is Brook Where-It-Swirls, and she shares the last name with her two brothers. They've kept last names, but the last names have gotten longer.

What DOES remain in Clan Culture is that Mountain-descendant cats 'prefer' 2-part names, and like to say the entire thing. It's Mountain culture that creates Clanmew's preference for contractions rather than syllable-shortening.

As an example, for a long name like... Dandelionbreeze, send her back in time to talk to a Park or Forest cat and they'll shorten her name to "Dan" or "Lion" or "Bree." It's the Mountain cat who would call her "Danzy," which becomes part of being 'polite' in Clanmew name shortenings.

Park Cats are born "nameless," and earn names as they grow.

It's PARK culture that was so centralized and ceremonial, with kings and a clearer hierarchy. As kits, they're just called by a characteristic trait. The Biggest One, Little Ears, Ginger. Their first real name is given when they're assigned as an apprentice, and they become [Mentor's Nickname] [Dominant Paw].

So as an example, because the prince is always mentored by their father and the king at the time was Arc-of-Park, Riverstar's very first name was Arc's Paw.

Once they're fully trained, they can earn titles. On average, a cat will earn two or three of these in their lifetime, discounting outliers like Titles Georg. These are three words or less, and usually reference strengths and achievements. Willow Flayed Bare, Slate Keeper, The Wind Runner.

These titles are made official by the King, which is where Warrior Name changes originally stem from.

In a situation where Park Cats have left their kingdom, they will turn towards the cat they recognize as an authority to make these name changes. In WindCo, either the "parriarch" of a homestead would bestow these names, or The Wind Runner herself. Thunder Storm began doing it on request, as the Park Cats who joined his cause wanted their names to come from him.

It's not seen as "appropriate" for a cat to name themself... but there are rebellious cats, who may forge their own titles, if they're willing to eat the social implications.

River's Ripple was quite independent. He came up with his own name, and then asked his papa to make the name official. King Arc of Park argued with him a lot about this, especially because the name he chose sounded a lot like an apprentice's title, and only caved in when he realizes there would be a MASSIVE scandal if it looked like his prince would willingly bypass the will of his father entirely.

(The Wind Runner's name was "crowdsourced." She didn't give it to herself; that's what WindCo calls her.)

Forest Cat names...

So there's the two-parts from the Mountain cats, and the name changes from the Park cats... and now I'm trying to work in a third element here, which I'm still trying to figure out.

I'm thinking of putting ranks into their names, since I'm starting with a given that Slash/Shai/Silverpelt is their leader. Maybe have it so that the name the Park/Mountain cats call him is "Slashes" in reference to his leg markings, but his real name is Silver-Star, with all of his cats just referring to him as his rank, Silver (formally) or his given name, Star (informally)

(Over time his name is going to become Silverpelt. They believe that he became heaven itself. Ssoen becomes Clanmew's opening particle for omnipotent knowledge, Star becoming the leader suffix.)

Then make it so that his followers follow the Rank-Given name system. So there's Claw-Milkweed, her daughter Kit-Bramble, a good hunter might be Whisker-Violet. So, over a very short number of generations, both the Forest Cat and Park Cat naming systems start to meld, since it's not all that different.

ALSO NOTEWORTHY: The Wind Coalition was more mixed with Forest Cats than the River Kingdom was. So the Park/Forest name schemes beginning to mix together would be beginning up on the Moor, while there would be more Mountain/Forest mixing happening in Thunder's Clan.

This is a WIP section btw, these guys are still extremely new.

Anyway, skip forward a few generations

Cloudberry's and Ryewhisker's names aren't the ones they had in life. The were active 25-ish years after DOTC, after the collapse of the River Kingdom when things had begun to "settle down."

With the Law of the Deputy, Commandment 3, WindCo and River Kingdom are now Clans. They operate with a Leader and a Deputy.

In-canon, Cloudberry is the daughter of the RiverClan leader, Emberstar. I'm not sure if that's going to remain; because I still haven't chosen who Riverstar's successor is. The Law of Loyalty is Commandment 4 and I'm committed to Duststar of WindClan being alive and in a position of power during the succession crisis.

It could be that Cloudberry's father is Riverstar's successor, OR I swap Ryewhisker to be Duststar's son/grandson instead and include a small detail that Duststar feels a need to prove he's NOT being biased in favor of his dead descendant by forcing this commandment through.

Maybe both, that could be fun. Romeow and Mewliet type thing. Two Clans, alike in their digkitty.

Anyway, point being, Cloudberry is from Park Cat culture as a member of RiverClan, which was heavily influenced by some pretty open travel between the groups under Riverstar's rule. The modern naming system was coming together, as cats of these three cultures mixed, but it wasn't quite there yet. So Cloudberry probably had a full title, while Ryewhisker had a title and a rank.

It might even be a translation quirk. Cloudberry is also called "knout," and it's a red-orange fruit that comes to be heavily valued in the Clans. Knout Berry Keeper, which is only remembered as Knout-Berry, written as Cloudberry.

(It would be cute if the direct translation was Cloudberry Cloud.)

For Ryewhisker, the most I know with him is that he's somehow related to the guy who invents Tunnelbuns, or at LEAST some kind of inventive contributor (such as a person who invents bread). He gets his name from that-- Rye is one of the most easily accessible grains.

I haven't nailed their names down yet, since by the modern era, they're known as Cloudberry and Ryewhisker. But they did actually have different names, which have changed over the years.

They also didn't speak Modern Clanmew, their native tongue was actually the border between the Mountain/Park/Forest pidgin and the creole language that would soon be born! A linguist might describe it as Ancient Clanmew.

[missholoska]

feels like I blinked and suddenly it’s chrimmus and I haven’t posted in 2 months, so how's about an update ✨

the good news: I have a new computer and tablet! my technical difficulties are no more!!

the bad news: I still haven’t gotten back to drawing yet because as great as it is to have a functioning setup again, getting used to windows 11 and a different brand of tablet has been real difficult when my brain is so resistant to change @_@

(unless it’s Good Change like my new computer allowing me to play minecraft with shaders for the first time, which is genuinely a dream come true and the resulting hyperfixation was unavoidable jhfdsgd)

that being said I am 1) slowly but surely getting there and 2) determined to get something drawn before 2024 ends, so we’ll see what I can throw together within the week :] thanks for being patient with me and happy holidays 🎄

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long