#and you're like whatever it's not a big deal

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

tl;dr: how do i become ok with my partner using porn? do i have to become ok with it?

detail/context: i am in a LDR. im demisexual, my partner is allosexual.

i thought i was ok with porn use at first, but about a year into the relationship i realized it bothers me a lot. i feel like im not enough, and i really dont know how i could ever be better than the limitless amount of content on the internet. it felt especially bad after my partner mentioned that they would probably continue to use porn even when we close the distance and live together. i tried my best to make peace with it, but found myself crying like 3x the usual amount, so i talked to my partner about. i already felt guilty, because i told them i dont care about porn use before, and now i suddenly was not cool with it. i felt like i was deceiving them. but my partner was very understanding and said they will stop using porn because they care more about me than any of that. which is great and very sweet of them! its been a few months and they told me that while they miss porn somewhat, its not really a big deal.

except now, several months later, i keep feeling like im taking something from them. i feel im being unreasonable and abusive and selfish. like, all the other progressive people are totally cool with it. so why is it so hard for me? what the fuck do i do.

some other relevant bits: i dont look at porn myself bc it generally speaking does nothing for me. me and my partner still masturbate, mostly to each other's nudes. i told them i dont care if the fantasize about whatever they want, but in their words, they cant really masturbate without some sort of visual input. they have some rather extreme kinks they dont want to involve me in even in imagination, so thats what they mostly used porn for, and also the main thing that makes me feel like im taking something away from them.

hi anon,

god okay there's a lot of meat on this question, let's do this.

first thing's first, because this is important: this is not abusive behavior. stop that. asking your partner to stop doing something that makes you feel stressed and upset is not what abuse it. that's called "being a human person with feelings and wants" and it's not illegal.

okay, so, second: do you need to be okay with your partner using porn? I mean, no. you don't have to be okay with anything, technically. your boundaries can be whatever you want them to be. but given the distress you're still feeling even though your partner has fully acquiesced to the thing you asked for and, frankly, sounds pretty fine with it, there's clearly some lingering dissatisfaction on your end. you wouldn't be here if the situation was as simple as "asked my partner not to use porn anymore, they don't, all is well, thumbs up emoji."

so that brings us to your first question, which is how you, sweet anon, can learn to be okay with this. I'm going to tell you straight up: I don't have a singular hard answer to that. I don't know you, I don't know your brain and the specific emotional baggage you bring to this, everyone is different, etc etc. but like. let's talk about it.

here's the thing: me personally, I don't understand why people are bothered by their partners enjoying porn. like, I get it in theory, especially when it's a situation where you're describing where you feel you're being negatively compared. and don't get me wrong, I've definitely worked with some people with real shithead partners who explicitly WERE comparing them to actors in porn, saying they wished they looked more like the actors, etc. and that absolutely is uncool, we do not condone.

but in general, to me, it kind of feels like this: suppose you're a cook, right? you're a great cook, you love to do it. and nothing makes you happier than making a big delicious meal for you and your beloved partner to share together. and they like eating your food! of course they do! you prepare it with love and you know all of their favorite things.

they're still going to want oreos sometimes.

and that's not a slight on you. it's not that you're cooking is worse than oreos. it's not that you're failing to make them happy and there's a gaping hole in their soul that only an oreo can fill. it's not that they're sitting with you at the dining table eating your delicious homemade meals thinking "goddamn, I wish this was just a plate full of oreos." it's just that, you know, oreos are yummy and sometimes they really hit the spot. you can like two things without either of those things negating or diminishing the other.

and I'm, like, absolutely not under the impression that a dinky oreos metaphor is going to totally change how you feel about this. I want to be so clear that I don't think you're being, like, heinous or unreasonable or anything. you're feeling a very real distress, and I have to imagine that it's exacerbated by the fact that you and your partner are long distance and you might feel like you're failing to show up for them in a lot of ways, including sexually. that's a very normal reason to feel insecure! a lot of people do! long distance relationships seem really hard! and I think realistically the only way through this discomfort, if you do want to go through the discomfort, is to really zero in on what's making you feel uncomfortable and insecure about your partner jacking it to something other than you, and honestly talk them about the areas where you're feeling like something may be lacking and find ways to mutually reassure each other that everything's cool. you know, get that reassurance that they do in fact love and enjoy your delicious meals and that the oreos don't negate that.

lastly, and I cannot emphasize this enough, it's fine if your partner watching porn never feels super comfortable for you. you're allowed to ask your partner not to do things! if they really hate it they need to say something about it! idk it can be very admirable to want to change your view on things but also most people have some stuff that's just always going to feel like a boundary they don't want to compromise and that's Fine.

[arakkne]

Gonna be real I don't love this energy from some of y'all!!

Gender non-conformity can be really, really emotional at times, especially when you first try it out. It changes your whole self-perception. After a lifetime of conformity, this can be a very powerful, profound experience.

If you don't have any radfem or gc language in your head, of course you're going to use odd language like "gender broadening." (Nothing wrong with this phrase btw, if you take it as "gender (expression) broadening" instead of gender identity.) If the world makes you think that clothes = gender and gender = this very important thing, you might start to think that the experience you just had actually means something about your "gender", essentially your very soul. Can you blame her for making it a big deal? It is, in a way.

Internalized homophobia & a never-questioned belief in gender roles are two crucial factors in forming the basis of a trans identity. Therefore, I fully believe that the only path forward to loosening the grip of gender identity ideology is to counter it with a STRONG pro-gay/SSA message and a STRONG pro-gender non-conformity message. Anything else just gives people more reason to stay loyal to the community that accepts them the most, y'know?

I don't think anything in the above screenshot is worth making fun of her for. Trying on jeans and feeling inspired to put tape over her chest (not necessarily binding) and having an emotional reaction to that is perfectly fine! Good, even! Making the logical leap that this emotional reaction = born in the wrong body or whatever is the part worth criticizing. The difference matters.

men's jeans. not even once.

[faireyhouses]

— little!van + phys. disabled, little!reader hcs

once again some very self indulgent (short) hcs with one of my fav characters <3

— You and Van who are the only ones who understand the resistance to going outside, who want to but both hate the stares, points and looks of pity, but can do it if the other is there offering comfort

— Van who always finds a way to include you in games, even when you're having a hard day (everyone's playing castle but you're bedridden? Well guess what? everyone has to go on a quest to visit the Super Cool & Important wizard in their lair. They're playing pirates? Well your crutches are actually treasure-finding tools so you have to come along on the treasure hunt, etc.)

— Always checking in on one another, even when the others don't realize something said or done affected one of you, soft shoulder pats, pinkies hooking together and other silent but comforting actions that don't Make A Big Deal about it but still show you noticed/care

— Van loves to construct pillow forts for the two of you, proclaiming it a secret club to the others, you two will lay amongst the pillows and watch cartoons, play with whatever toy you drug through the blanket door or sometimes just lay in comforting silence with one another.

— Van is very serious about finding the coolest stickers for you to decorate your aids with, she'll dig through the sticker prize boxes at the doctors office looking for ones she knows you'll like and fiercely insist on getting one for both of you if anyone tries to say otherwise

[ingravinoveritas]

Speaking as a trans uk person who grew up under section 28 and is just a few years younger than David, that reaction on the Assembly last night is the most ‘I think in another time, I wouldn’t have been entirely cis’ response I’ve ever seen. I’ve got a couple of friends of similar age and similar ‘I’m cis because I wasn’t able to be anything else’ mindset and just… I hope he’s happy, and I hope his loved ones give him the support around this whatever he decides and feels.

Oh, Anon. I'm sorry, I am so behind in answering Anons and trying to catch up now. But I saw this message when you sent it in and first of all, big hugs to you (if you are okay with that).

Secondly, though, I can't thank you enough for writing in and sharing this, as being a contemporary of David's and trans, your perspective is absolutely invaluable and carries so much weight. I am a non-trans, non-UK person, but I had a similar reaction to what David said on The Assembly, and from the DMs I've gotten and conversations that have happened since it aired, it seems others have, too.

I have more thoughts on this related to what was said on the episode of David's podcast that Georgia hosted, so I am going to try and save a lot of those thoughts for another post in response to the numerous Anons I have gotten about that. But for me, what stands out are two particular things.

One is that this is now the second time that David has specifically mentioned his experiences with Section 28 and homophobia growing up while also getting choked up/emotional about it. In this instance, he was specifically asked what made him start supporting the trans community...and this is what he said. He did not at all mention his nonbinary child--which of course doesn't mean that Wilf isn't part of the reason--but what David goes to directly in his answer is homophobia and Section 28.

What makes this so significant is that he spoke of it not as someone who saw it from the outside, but who had experienced it from within--something I also noticed in his podcast interview with Russell T. Davies, where RTD talks about discovering he was gay and the process of navigating his sexuality and David essentially "fills in the blanks" as RTD is talking, as if he'd gone through it himself.

Seeing David get so emotional--where it wells up in you and fills your chest and something in the core of you tightens automatically no matter how hard you try to stop it--is something I felt like I recognized. Something that comes from a place of trauma, where you don't just remember a certain event or incident, but relive everything you felt when it was happening. And it breaks my heart to think that he has been through things like that and may still be dealing with them now.

I think your comment about "in another time" echoes into this, because that's been another recurring theme in these conversations. It's this idea that David seems to have that his children and the younger generation on the whole can be whoever they want to be...but he can't. As if somehow it's too late for him to change, to be who he wants to be.

In David's recent appearance on Lorraine, she gushed over how much she loves David and Michael together and how people think they are married, and ends by saying, "In another world." That she (and so many others) can plainly see what's between them and that in another world, Michael and David would be together.

We all only get this one life. This one shot at being here, at being alive long enough to find what makes us happy and hold on like hell to it.

...So why not in this time? Why not in this world?

You're never too old to figure out who you are, or to embrace it. To realize that safety is not the same thing as happiness. To let go of being afraid, to finally come out of survival mode and have the chance to just live in the world.

Shouldn't David get to have that same chance?

A few weeks ago, I noticed some fans on Twitter/X talking about TERF/GCs "accusing" David of being trans. These fans immediately leapt to David's defense: "What? People actually think David is trans?" and "No way! David is NOT trans." And while well-meaning, these responses pained me because of the underlying implication that being trans is something that needs to be "defended against" in the first place.

Because it’s not.

Because it shouldn't be.

Because the correct and only answer to "Why do people think David is trans?" is, "If David is trans (or nonbinary, or genderfluid), why would it matter?"

So thank you again for this, Anon. I hope people will really take in the words you've said and understand why you are saying them. And I hope, as you do, that David is truly, genuinely happy with whatever he feels and decides, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

[femmehaljordan]

i saw you posted about it in a community but i dont have access. you're the resident tim drake anti on my feed so i know you have thoughts

Many thoughts. Boiling down to: what the FUCK

1. The cutting of the line was NOT a big deal. Tim was literally perfectly fine

2. One of the tags was like “dick deals with the consequences of taking Robin from Tim” or something. Fuck you????? He had EVERY RIGHT to do that. A) it was bc Tim had surpassed the sidekick role and B) Robin was HIS. Dick can do whatever the hell he wants with it.

3. Damian being classist— COMPARED TO WHITE RICH BOY TIM? Okay.

4. That comment about “blood purity” A) he was raised by Ra’s al Ghul, yeah he’s probably gotta unlearn some stuff related to eugenics. B) THATS NOT EVEN WHAT THE BLOOD SON THING IS ABOUT

5. And finally. The “savior robin” bit. I assume that’s about him becoming Robin to stop Bruce’s self destruction? Bruce is a GROWN MAN it’s on him to deal with his shit. Praising Tim for keeping him from killing somebody or something is. A choice.

Anyway it felt racist to me tbh. Unsurprisingly another Tim stan is racist to Damian!

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

The Meet-Cute - Kid's Story - 10

Source for pic

Imperfect 10 🔞

Word Count: 4824

Tags and Summary can be found here.

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Notes: Oh, look at that, we've got an NSFW warning in this chapter... whatever the hell could this mean, I wonder...? Fair warning, I was going to end this on a terrible cliffhanger and decided against it, which means my angsty instincts aren't kicking in at the moment so please enjoy this chapter, love you all!

Here's a Spotify Playlist I created for this story if you want to check it out!

Masterlist

Divider by @cafekitsune

“Well, this is anticlimactic…” you snort, unimpressed, looking around at the small and drab motel room. “I was expecting a honeymoon suite!” you tease with a grin. 

It’s small, very small. There’s a king-size bed in the center, occupying most of the space, dressed in a hideous brown-washed, flowery comforter, and three pillows with matching pillowcases that rest against the headboard. The desk that stands in front of the bed takes up the rest of the space, leaving only a gap wide enough to shimmy your body sideways between the two pieces of furniture. There’s a TV on top, a kettle with two teacups, and complimentary teabags. On each side of the bed is a nightstand with nothing but a lamp.

At least it looks clean, and it smells nice. But then there’s… that…

“Oh…” you mutter, stopping just one step away from the door, eyes locked on the bathroom, a look of dread scrunching your face into a grimace. 

“Fuck,” Kid whispers as soon as he enters, and his eyes hit the same feature you’d been staring at.

“Why the hell—” you begin.

“I’m gonna get us ‘nother room,” Kid grunts, dropping the duffels on the floor and turning on his heels.

You turn and grasp his forearm, forcing him further inside the room and closing the door with your foot. “It’s fine, Kid. We can survive this. Maybe there’s a curtain somewhere in there?”

Kid looks at you, then back at the bathroom. He inhales deeply, and when he exhales, his shoulders slump and he nods. He must feel as exhausted as you are.

“Fine. Whatever. Don’t even have any more fucks to give.”

You let go of his arm and shimmy your way across the too-tight gap between the bed and the desk, gesturing at the sheer glass that acts as a wall between the two rooms. “It’s just a see-through bathroom! I mean…” you snort and shrug. “It’s not a big deal! We’re adults!”

As soon as you open the door and get inside, you look for a curtain to use as a cover. There’s none. Next, you search the wall for a button or switch to lower blinds or something similar. Nothing.

“Shit,” you curse and hear Kid groan again. You look around the small space: the shower area is completely exposed to the inside of the bedroom, but the toilet at least has some privacy with a small divider that covers whatever you're doing in there. 

You get out of the bathroom and shrug again. “No curtain. But hey, it’s not like you haven’t seen my boobs yet!” you say to lighten the mood. Kid lets out a huff that could be akin to amusement, but the tension is beginning to weave its way around the room in small beats. 

It’s going to be a long night. 

-*-

Kid went out while you took a quick shower, and raided the vending machine. When he comes back inside, you’re already sprawled on your side of the bed, flipping through TV channels like a maniac but not really focusing on any show. 

“Got plenty of shit. Hope yer feelin’ the munchies now.” Kid drops everything on top of the bed, then opens his duffel bag, removing some clothes to go take a shower. 

“Score!” you say in a singsong voice, getting on your knees and rummaging through the stash of potato chips, assorted cookies and popcorn bags that Kid brought. You grab a bag of chips and put on your tennis shoes. “I’ll be outside.”

“Wait!” Kid grabs your arm just as you’re about to pass him by and he gives you a once-over. His eyes linger on your bare arms and legs, since your pajamas are somewhat revealing. “Ye can’t go out like that.”

“Kid, it’s fine. There’s no one out there.” You shrug and try to free your arm, but he just squeezes tighter. You raise your chin to meet his gaze with a challenging arch of your eyebrows, and he meets it with a soft look. Something so unexpected that it releases a soft gasp from your lips. 

“It’s not fine,” Kid utters your name in a soft whisper, his fingers threading through a wet strand of your hair. “I’m probably not the only monster ‘round here.”

He lets go of your arm, and you immediately frown at his words. “You’re not a—” Kid interrupts you by shoving one of his clean shirts over your head. You’re forced to pass your arms through the sleeves, but you do it with contempt and frustration, which he ignores. 

“Leave the door open and don’t wander.”

“Oh, come on, Kid!”

“It’s either that or ye watch me take a shower,” he grumbles, crossing his arms. Your eyes immediately light up, and you grin.

“Well, if that’s an option…” 

Kid guffaws and shoves you out. He leaves the door slightly open and makes sure you’re staying there on the balcony overlooking the swimming pool below. Then you hear him shuffle through the duffel again, always grumbling something under his breath. 

You let out a small chuckle at that and open the bag of chips, leaning on the balcony and looking around. It’s nearly midnight, and the motel is quiet. You can hear dogs barking in the distance, though they might belong to someone outside the motel premises, and one of your room neighbors talking loudly. But other than that, just silence. It's peaceful. 

“Hey there, gorgeous. Looking for some company tonight?” You whip your head around with alarm written in your eyes and find a middle-aged man right next to you, a wicked grin curving his lips. The fuck? You weren’t even out here for a full minute. 

The door to your room swings open and a furious Kid comes out. “She has company, motherfucker. Better get the fuck goin’ before I throw ye into that pool.” Kid’s only wearing a bath towel, wrapped low around his hips. He’s not wet, he didn’t have time to shower, he only had time to take off his clothes. Kid extends his arm and wraps his hand around your bicep, shoving you behind him. 

The man lifts his arms in surrender and takes a few steps back. “Alright, man. I’m going, no worries.” He still winks at you before disappearing down the walkway, and you have to restrain Kid because he’s about to go after him. 

“Hey, it’s fine.”

“For fuck’s sake, I knew this would happen. Get inside,” he growls leading you with a hand on your lower back. 

“But—”

“Lock that door and sit on that fuckin’ bed. I’m gonna take a shower.” 

You sigh, too tired to even argue with him, lock the door, and after transferring the snacks to the top of the desk, you lie down on the bed with your back turned to the bathroom. Playing games on your phone doesn’t really distract you from the running water behind you, so you put the phone down and stare at the wall instead. 

You could have a little peek. You’ve seen him shirtless already, heck, you’ve touched his cock, too. Would it really be that bad to just turn your head and watch as the hot water hits his muscles?

Fuck, shit, goddamnit.

You shake your head and resist the urge to do it, grabbing your phone again and opening one of your socials. You start scrolling aimlessly on your phone, not even bothering to pay attention to anything because now all you can think about is naked, wet Kid. Focus, damnit!

After a few minutes, you hear Kid turn off the water, and no matter how hard you’re trying to school yourself into aloofness or distract yourself, you can’t stop the sudden instinct to slightly turn your head, like gravity itself is betraying you. 

You only take a glimpse over your shoulder. Just one glimpse…

And oh. My. Sweet. Jesus. You get the most perfect glimpse. 

Kid is still inside the shower stall, his back turned to you. Water glistens on his skin, dripping down through the planes and ridges of his muscles, tracing his spine in the same way you desperately want to with your tongue. 

Your eyes drop lower, your body turning slightly to get a better view of his firm, sinfully perfect, sculpted ass. You have to bite your lip hard just to control the sounds that threaten to escape. 

Kid raises his arm and runs his fingers through his hair, shaking the dampness from the locks. The action pulls on all of his muscles, flexing them as more droplets run their course over every scar, every perfect imperfection the war carved into this man’s body. 

For all his outward abrasiveness, ruggedness, and outright sharpness, Eustass Kid is devastatingly beautiful. A raw, visceral beauty.

Warmth spreads through you, a scorching fire extending its flaming tendrils, as heat pools in your lower belly. Your breath stutters, and almost as if he senses he’s being watched, Kid turns, a smirk already plastered on his lips. 

“See somethin’ ye like, sweetheart?”

FUCK!

With a sharp intake of breath, you turn back to your phone as heat crawls up your neck and flushes your cheeks. You were caught. Kid grumbles a laugh inside the bathroom, and you hear more shuffling as he gets dressed and ready to come to bed. 

Cool it off, just cool it off!

You drop your phone on the bed, grab the pack of chips you opened earlier, just to have something to do with your idle hands, and get up to grab the remote again. “Shit!” you utter as you collide with Kid’s towering frame. You didn’t even hear him get out of the bathroom, yet here he stands, shirtless!

Fucking shirtless!

“Didn’t you get dressed, for fuck’s sake?” you squeak, dropping the bag of chips, Kid’s language already rubbing off on you. The urge to place your hands on his chest almost overpowers you, and you gesture wildly before settling on pressing your flailing limbs against your legs, just to keep them still. 

“Ye have my clean shirt,” he deadpans.

Oh. His shirt. Shit, you do. 

Since your brain seems to be taking forever to process his statement, Kid reaches down, his fingers grazing the feverish skin of your waist as he pulls the fabric up and over your head, holding it between his fingers the same way he holds your heart.

“Fuck,” you whisper. You need air, cold water, or a Bible. Your unholy thoughts are taking over, and Kid’s not even trying to make it easier. He’s lingering near you with his burning gaze, damp hair, and muscular chest. Damn him to hell. 

“Yer starin’.”

“Nuh-uh,” is your perfectly smart and articulate response. 

He chuckles, and he’s so close that his warm breath fans your eyelids. For a moment, there’s only you and him; no barking dogs in the distance, no late-night show playing on the TV, no loud talking from the next-door patron. Everything else is muted and faded into background noise. 

Then Kid steps away from you, and reality comes crashing down, unforgiving and all at once. “We should sleep,” he states, voice gravelly and filled with a longing that matches your own.

“Right,” you answer, clearing your throat and heading towards the bathroom to quickly brush your teeth before you crawl inside the too-scratchy sheets. By your side, Kid takes off his prosthetic, laying it over his nightstand, takes one look at his shirt, then back at you, and tosses it over his duffel bag, deciding the bed might become too hot to wear more than sweatpants. 

It’s hot, alright. You’re sweating already, much more so when he lays down and the bed dips, almost making you roll over to his side. 

“G’night, Kid,” you whisper breathlessly, turning off the lamp on your side of the bed. 

“‘Night,” he answers, looking at his phone for a few minutes before setting it aside and turning off the light, too. 

Soon enough, the small room is illuminated by the flickering lights from the walkway outside the door, providing a dim, comforting light, bright enough that you can make out every shape of what surrounds you. 

Especially Kid. 

You’re both extremely aware of the space you each occupy in the bed. Every little movement to adjust yourselves to the unfamiliar space is calculated and measured to precision as a way to avoid contact. You bump his shin with your foot and mutter a hastened apology; he turns onto his stomach, and the movement makes you jostle around the bed and now it’s his turn to gruffly apologise. 

You drag this dance out for a few minutes before you decide you’ve had enough. With a sigh, you raise your torso only to find what you were already expecting. Kid has one leg out of the bed from how far he’s keeping his body away from yours. 

“This is ridiculous,” you mutter.

“Aye. King-size, my arse. Can’t even fit two people properly,” Kid grumbles, jerking his body further away from you.

“Not that. This. Us.” Kid turns slightly, and you roll your eyes. “We’re adults. Get over here.” 

With another frustrated sigh, you grab his arm and roll him to the side so he’s facing you. You place his arm over you and turn your back to his chest, making sure you both have enough space.

“There. Now we can both be comfortable and sleep. We’ve touched before, it’s not a big deal.” You’re not quite sure if you’re reassuring him or yourself, especially because this position makes you acutely aware of how well your body fits snuggled up against his, but you’ll have to make do if you want to get some rest.

Kid grumbles something under his breath, most likely curse words, but doesn’t move. His hand grips your waist tighter, and then he relaxes. 

“Sleep,” he mutters against the back of your neck, perfectly unaware of how that action elicits the most marvellous goosebumps over your skin. Sleep, he says, like it’s the easiest thing to do with him glued to you.

“Mmm,” you agree, closing your eyes. 

To your credit, you do try to get some sleep, but your position isn’t quite right, and you need to adjust before you can rest peacefully. 

So, with careful movements, you shift your legs. And then you feel it. Your hips press back, and your ass hits Kid’s groin. Shit. You hold your breath, gauging his reaction to see if he’s still awake. 

He is.

Kid’s fingers tighten on your waist, and the exhale of his breath against your nape draws much more than goosebumps this time. “Better be careful with that cute arse of yers,” he drawls, voice rough from sleep or something else. “I ain’t particularly known for my restraint.”

“Could’ve fooled me…” you try, literally still poking the bear. The short chuckle he releases drips warmth across your skin and low into your belly. “I’ll behave,” you promise in a whisper, and he hums.

Is it possible that you’re already falling hopelessly for this man? You tried to chase away the damn butterflies, the fluttering in your stomach and all the missing beats of your heart. You postponed analysing your feelings because you were sure you were feeling so much more than you were willing to admit. Too afraid to let your heart be broken again, too scared to give too much of yourself and be given nothing in return.

You can’t push the feelings away anymore. 

Even though you don’t want to fully admit they’re there, not even to yourself. 

-*-

You’re not even sure if you were dreaming. One minute you were asleep, and now you’re not. You’re about to drift right back to sleep when you notice it: Kid’s breathing has changed. It’s harsh and uneven, probably what woke you up in the first place. 

His arm is no longer draped over you, so you turn slightly to see if he’s awake. He’s not. The sheets draped over him move up and down with his rapid breaths. His flesh hand grips the covers with so much force you can almost hear the threads ripping. His brows are scrunched, and dampness from sweat coats his forehead. 

“No!” he growls, though the sound comes out muffled between gritted teeth. It’s a nightmare. 

“Kid?” you try softly, fully turning around and touching his shoulder, shaking him slightly to see if he eases out of it.

“Don’t!” It’s not quite a cry that he releases, but it’s such a pained sound your heart clenches painfully in your chest. Wherever he is, he’s trapped.

“Come on, Kid, you’re fine. It’s a dream, you’re in the motel,” you whisper the words at his ear while you keep shaking him, but he doesn’t come to.

“Don’t die!” Kid thrashes, but you’re the one whimpering this time. It’s all the buried pain he keeps inside, locked behind walls and barriers. He can’t contain it in his sleep. And it’s so painful to see him vulnerable like this.

“Come back,” you beckon. “You’re not there anymore.” But it’s useless. Kid keeps thrashing, spasming, and gripping the sheets. 

With a desperate move and a reckless decision, you press your lips to his, urging him to find you through the thick fog of his horrors, aiming to be his tether amid the helplessness of war. He doesn’t budge, and you press harder, fingers digging into his shoulders, lips claiming, urging, pleading: come back, come back.

He stiffens. Then he releases a shuddering breath as you pull away, searching his eyes. He’s still not here, he’s awake but so very far away. 

“You’re with me in the motel, Kid. You’re safe.” You comb your fingers through his damp hair, chasing the fiery strands away from his face, waiting for him to come back to you, whole and grounded. 

He doesn’t come fully back, but he moves. 

Yanking your face towards him, Kid presses his lips back into yours, immediately pushing his tongue against the seam of your lips. You open them, letting him claim whatever he needs from you. He rolls you until your back hits the mattress, and there’s not an ounce of restraint in his touch. It’s all fire, desire, and heat. 

He breaks the kiss for a moment to click his prosthetic arm into place and slot himself in the space between your legs, his hands pressing your thighs open with a grip so strong it will definitely bruise. 

You barely have time to think that this is about to happen when Kid pulls your top over your head, his mouth urgently latching onto your neck. He drags his lips down with a feral, throaty sound and sinks his teeth into the curve of your shoulder. 

A muffled cry leaves your lips, and he withdraws, easing the sting with a swipe of his tongue and another kiss. Your nails rake his back with frantic urgency, pulling him against you and rolling your hips.

“Fuck,” he grunts when your core grinds against his hardened length. “I need ye.”

“Take me, Kid.” You’ve said those words before. But you won’t be interrupted this time. It’s just you and Kid. You grab his face to stare into his eyes and whimper, he’s still not quite here, he looks very far away. So, it’s not just you and Kid. It’s you, him, and whatever demons he’s fighting inside. 

The rest of your clothes disappear in the blink of an eye, and Kid returns his half-focus to your body. His prosthetic hand grips your hip and holds you steady as he lowers his head and bites your perked-up nipple, drawing a cry from you. 

It hurts, but it sends an immediate jolt to your core as your legs tremble in want. 

Kid shoves one finger inside you without any preamble, and you moan, back arching away from the bed as he rolls his tongue around the sensitive nipple. “Yer so wet for me, fuck, gonna make ye come so hard.” 

He eases one more finger inside, and they’re so big that you suck a breath through your teeth as you accommodate them. With a curl, he touches a spot that turns the sting into pleasure and you whimper in need, your hands gripping his hair as you twitch and squirm under him. 

He bites your other nipple with more force than before, but works his hand inside you with skill at the same time, curling his fingers and pressing the pad of his thumb against your clit. Instead of crying out in pain, you cry out his name, feeling the waves of bliss starting to crest, fast and hard. 

“Aye, yer takin’ my fingers so well. Scream my name, go on.” Kid adds another finger, pumping them in and out with harsh motions. Your body trembles and shakes underneath his weight, clamoring for more. The indents of your nails might be drawing blood from his back, because your hands feel numb, but neither of you cares about it. 

“Kid! I’m coming!” You suck in a breath before your head falls back in abandon, a litany of moans escaping your lips in a crescendo of pleasure. Your cunt squeezes his fingers as he works every last bit of your orgasm out of you. 

You’re still shaking and coming down from your high when he presses the tip of his cock against your clit. You moan at the sensation, your throbbing nub still too sensitive, but Kid doesn’t give you time to recover. 

“That’s it, open up for me, sweetheart.”

Dragging his cock down, he pushes inside brutally, making you arch your back and let out another strangled cry. He’s not being gentle or kind. He’s fucking you as if he’s fighting. Each relentless thrust pushing his ghosts further away from his mind. 

“Fuck, ye feel so good, takin’ me so well. Fuck!” Kid rasps, his hands spreading your thighs wider as he watches his cock get sucked inside your walls. 

You can only moan underneath him, completely overwhelmed by the sensation of being needed by Kid. He’s using you as an anchor, a tether to reality, and you’re more than willing to be that for him. 

He slams again and again, pulling moans and whimpers from you as tears of bliss pool in the corners of your eyes. He’s wrecking you completely, each piston of his hips driving him further into you, hitting that sweet spot and clawing his way into your heart. 

“Yer so tight for me, sweetheart,” Kid grunts, his pace quickening as he dips his head to take another bite of you, this time on the swell of your breast. “Yer gonna come on my cock this time, ain’t ye?”

You nod, his filthy words caressing your skin like silk. The bed creaks in protest as he straightens again, fastening his pace and pressing his rough thumb against your oversensitive clit.

Fuck, you’re so close.

“Fuckin’ hell, yer better than air. Only need ye to survive, nothin’ else. Fuck.” 

And that does you in. You shudder and squeeze your eyes shut as a cry of his name spills from your lips, followed by relentless moans, gasps for breath and pleas for sanity. 

Kid curses, clenching his jaw tight and digging his fingers so hard into you that it would hurt if you weren’t in the throes of pleasure. Then he thrusts harshly and haphazardly, burying himself impossibly deeper, before letting out a primal, visceral grunt and collapsing over you.

Time stands still. The world stops. And now there’s only you and him. He’s driven out his ghosts.

Sweat clings to your bodies as tension falls back into place, settling heavy and thick over both of you. Kid’s head is still buried in the crook of your neck, but you can feel his muscles, taut and strained. 

He pulls out of you, and you whimper softly at the loss of him. Neither of you utters another word. Kid avoids your gaze and you feel the weight of everything crashing down. You were supposed to wait. You were supposed to take things slowly. 

So, where do you both stand now?

-*-

Kid pulls your naked back against his chest, nestling into the position you both fell asleep in before. He can’t speak. Can’t open his mouth to tell you how much it meant to him to have you here, to get lost in you. 

To use you.

Fuck!

That’s the ugly thought that’s been consuming him since he finished. There was no gentleness or kindness in what he did to you. He was harsh and rough, taking with just a beat of permission. Assuming you’d be willing to give yourself to any version of him instead of asking if this was what you wanted. 

Because this was not gentle or romantic sex. 

And now he feels guilty and ashamed. A heaviness in his heart when there should only be relief. Because he claimed you and he doesn’t want to leave. He never wants to leave. Though he should. For fuck’s sake, he really should. 

What kind of egotistical, self-centred person uses another just to get rid of ghosts and demons from the past? That’s what he did. He was drowning in pain and agony, he was back there, in that scorching warehouse, getting devoured by flames and explosions. He heard their screams again. The wailing cries for help, the echoes of the agonizing howls of his men being blown to bits or shot like animals. 

Fuck.

And then you were there. Calling him back, trying to tether him back to reality. So he clung to you. And he took, like the selfish motherfucker he is. 

Did you even want this?

Because he’s not sure he properly asked. 

Kid’s throat works to swallow the pain and shame along with the faintest hint of bile. You’re already asleep, he can tell by the slow rise and fall of your shoulders. So, he dips his head, burying his face in your hair, drowning in your scent. 

Fucking hell. He’s all kinds of wrong for you. How can he keep tainting you? How can he keep soaking up your goodness if all he can give back is darkness?

He doesn’t even remember falling asleep.

-*-

The morning light sets a different tone to the intimacy of yesterday. The shadows on the walls are sharp and recognizable instead of dream-filled wisps of possibilities. The sheets much too rough against your touch, too grounding and unforgiving in their ordinariness. 

And the man behind you? Is he, too, a fickle memory in the light of day? Will what happened in the dark embrace of the night be nothing but a fleeting dream? Or something that might take shape and grow? 

Kid's strong arm rests over your waist, and its weight is both comforting and terrifying. You're afraid to move, too scared to breathe wrong and shatter this bubble you woke into. He's still asleep. You feel the steady rise and fall of his naked chest against your bare back; the soft waft of warm breath tingling the hairs on your nape. 

You never shared a single word after what happened, and the fact weighs heavily in your chest. How will Kid react? Will he push you? Will he hurt you? Will he run? 

You're too afraid to consider more possibilities because the ones where he stays are equally terrifying as the ones where you're left broken behind. Where do you go from here? Or, better yet, where will Kid allow you to go from here? 

He stirs softly, and you hold your breath, trying to release it slowly and steadily, as if you're still asleep. Just a little while longer. You want to prolong this dream for as long as you're allowed to. Kid stiffens, and his arm tenses. This is it. It's the part where he leaves. 

Please, please, please. 

A silent tear rolls down the curve of your cheek and drips into the seam of your lips. You didn't even realise you were near tears. 

Kid moves, and you press your lips tighter to hold the silent prayers inside. To keep them close to your heart lest he hears them and does the opposite. You feel him bury his head against your hair and inhale. Then his lips press softly on your skin, first on your shoulder, then on the center of your upper back, then on your neck. 

Your body curls into itself, a relieved sob trying to claw its way out before you smother it with a pained swallow. He's staying. He's not pushing you away. 

Kid’s hand grips your waist tighter, pulling you closer to him, skin against skin, bodies flush and souls mingling. 

“I ain't goin’ nowhere.”

A claim. A promise. A vow. 

Desperate tears still stream down your cheeks, and you let them. They're your way of celebrating this moment. His walls came down. It's only fitting that somebody weeps the solemnity of it.

Taglist: @rosidaze @beachaddict48 @armiliadawn @jintaka-hane @sprinkklz @baby5555 @hopelesslover06 @mars-mizuko @sleepykittycx @nerium-lil @eustasscapitankid @ren-ni @jqperi @elysian-asphodel @daydreamer-in-training @iloveyoushanks @thegalaxysedge22 @kyllium @keiva1000 @chibinasuu @my-name-is-heartache @laidenbreecatchall @moldychefboyardeecan @dazzlingstarlight23 @bearg-bia @babyboofangirl @praline357 @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @traffys-heart @cherileecore @violetmatcha @theloserqueen @mapachito @shamblespirate @ibuch7

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[xxactlyperfect]

its just creepy to say a 13 year old has a fetish. like yes its POSSIBLE but why would anyone assume say that?? especially over the fact shes trans bc yall cannot for ur life separate transness and sexuality even for a 13 year old

(sorry im in ur asks i have too much negative stuff on my blog alr)

I don't mind you in my inbox. I have quite literally invited you before if you want to have a regular discussion.

I don't necessarily draw this inherent connection between identifying as trans and having a fetish. I don't think being trans (whatever that means) is necessarily a paraphilia. Especially when it comes to children, I do not want to say they are fetishizing the opposite sex or whatever the adults might be doing.

What me and the others are saying is that teenage boys during puberty are loaded with testosterone and are very prone to develop a porn addiction, which can cause many other ideas. If a teenage boy sees another "trans woman" secretly trying on his relative's or partner's underwear, he might think it's okay. Not a big deal. When in reality, that is in fact a real deal and absolutely disgusting behavior. But when you're socialized as male, you might not understand it, or frankly, not care at all.

[elminx]

This is unarguably one of the BIG astrological weeks of the year, and it all concerns planetary movement. Sure, there are some passing aspects in the skies, but I won't even focus on them except where they are EXTREMELY relevant.

The Sun, Mercury, and Saturn are all changing signs this week.

When one planet changes signs, we are reminded to pay attention. When three planets change signs, our entire worldview shifts.

That does not even account for one of those signs being Saturn, our planet of Fate and Consequences. Saturn hasn't been in the sign of Aries for about 28 years, which is a big deal in and of itself (Happy Saturn return to all you Saturn in Aries babies out there!).

But wait, there's more.

Saturn is about to enter 00° Aries, the start of the ENTIRE HOROSCOPE. In comparison, our Sun and Mercury's movements look like child's play.

I've written about the significance of 00° Aries here. It's worth reading—or re-reading, as the case may be.

This week, some part of us is being reborn anew as Saturn crests the border between the ending (Pisces) and the beginning (Aries). This is cosmic cycle shit, as I mentioned above, Saturn takes about 28 years to make one complete circumnavigation of the Sun. Saturn is the reminder that everything comes back around again, in its time. Saturn is the reminder that every action is followed, on a long enough timeline, by an equal (and often opposite) reaction.

Saturn also hits like a Mack truck, so if you're in it this week (especially if you've got Saturn placed in the last degrees of the mutable sign or the early degrees of the cardinal signs), know that you are right on time.

It's not supposed to feel good, which can be a hard pill to swallow.

Saturn is almost inevitably a hard taskmaster because he is the Lord of Consequence. His energy tends to feel constrictive and depressive.

Saturn is the inevitable reminder that our lives become naturally restricted as we age and make decisions. What we have done before now dictates what is still in front of us. Saturn is the fate of being born into a specific time, with its associated triumphs and travails. Saturn shows us our natural privileges and our limitations.

It can be hard to talk about Saturn without it sounding bleak. I do honestly think that it is a matter of perspective. If you can't bear to look at your life, Saturn can feel like an impossible challenge. Saturn has a way of showing you where you aren't aligned, whatever that means for you. If you don't want to take accountability, you likely won't enjoy a strong Saturn transit - especially one that aligns with your natal birth chart.

In Aries, Saturn is the cosmic reminder to slow down and look where you are going. Aries types (Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Venus, and Mars) may especially struggle with this.

It is what it is - this is our upcoming astrological weather, and we will all need to live in it until April 2028 when Saturn moves on into Taurus.

What is significant is that the Sun, Mercury, and Saturn will all be in sextile with one another all week long as each planet moves from one sign into another. This echoes a larger patterns that will begin to emerge for the rest of this year - Saturn (and Neptune which is already in the early degrees of Aries) are slow-moving; they will hold these first degrees of Aries for most of this year.

Our faster-moving planets (the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Venus, and to some degree Mars and Jupiter) will change signs and inevitably aspect this conjunction. In the air and fire signs, these aspects will be positive and relatively supportive; in the earth and water signs, they will be challenging.

Both the Sun and Mercury move from Taurus to Gemini this week. The world is about to get me airy, and we may all get a bit stuck in our own thoughts as each of these planets continues to sextile Saturn, which will slow everything down and create a bit of a hold pattern. This won't release fully until our Gemini new moon next week.

This week will likely involve getting done what you need to, but there may be little frivolity or joy.

Energy Update: May 2025

May is a "5" Universal Month [5 (May) + 9 (2025) = 14 = 1+4=5] in a "9" Universal Year. 5 is a conflict number, a turning point away from the comfort and security afforded by the number 4. This doesn't have to be a bad thing; it is merely a sign that the times are changing, which is also evident from the ongoing and intense transits we have been experiencing. We cannot live in the world as we did before the start of 2025; some things have fundamentally changed. We learn, and we adapt.

The Set Up

We begin May with the Sun and Uranus in Taurus, Mercury Venus and Neptune in Aries, Mars in Leo, Jupiter in Gemini, Saturn in Pisces, and Pluto in Aquarius. As of the beginning of the month, all planets are in prograde motion. The big news of the month is that slow-moving Saturn moves into Aries, but the Sun also enters Gemini, and Mercury enters Taurus and then Gemini later in the month. Additionally, Pluto will retrograde.

The Details

All eyes are on Saturn this month, which will be the final planet of the year to enter 00° Aries on 5/22. This is pretty big news bears, as Saturn hasn't been in Aries since 1998, twenty-seven years ago. Otherwise, the planets are functioning as normal for our mid-spring season.

Saturn

Saturn takes top billing this month as it enters Aries, the sign of its fall, for the first time in twenty-seven long years. Happy Saturn Return to all of you babies born between 4/6/96 and 6/8/98! (also 3/3/67-4/29/69)

I know the planetary dignities can be pretty confusing at first, but we say that a planet is in its fall when it is in the opposing sign to its exaltation, in this case, Libra. This implies that the natural energy of the planet (Saturn is slow and constrictive) is out of sync with the energy of the sign (Aries is fast and impulsive). Saturn is not at its best in Aries because it prefers a methodical approach, whereas Aries has zero chill. This impedes Saturn's normal processes; to properly harness Saturnian energy, a workaround must be found.

To understand this energy, we must consider that the nature of Aries and Saturn are nearly irrevocably at odds with one another.

Except for a brief sojourn back into Pisces from 8/31 to 2/13 of next year, Saturn will be in Aries until 4/12/28, so we will all need to adapt to this energy in some way. Aries wants to go and never stop; Saturn wants to restrict and refine, which can be (and generally is) an excruciatingly slow process.

In the best-case scenario, this means moving slowly and methodically, putting one foot in front of the other, and always moving towards a well-defined and thought-through goal.

For those who can't slow down and be accountable for their next steps, this likely means being thwarted at every turn.

Saturn rewards those who are accountable for their own lives, a quality that is often out of alignment with our current fast-paced, short-form culture. Saturn demands that what is worth doing is worth doing right.

There is no fuck around with Saturn; it is all finding out.

As I mentioned above, those born in the late 90s are about to undergo their first Saturn return, and those born in the late 60s are about to undergo their second. This is beyond the scope of this report, but if you'd like me to write more about the Saturn return, I can. What I will say is that it is wise to look at Saturn not just by sign (here Aries) but also by the house it resides in your chart and any aspects that it makes to your other planets. If you work planetary magic, remediation is recommended during this time.

This mantra is for you, Saturn return babies, but it also applies somewhat to all of us who have to live through the next three years of Saturn in Aries (especially anyone with a luminary or personal planet in Aries - look for the dates when Saturn will conjunct your planet NOW ahead of time): I do the work to further my own life.

Really, "I do the work to (insert what you need to here)."

Also, because Saturn is an impossibly hard taskmaster, it's okay not to do the work EVERY DAY. You need sweet, soft times, too. If you weren't at your best today, tomorrow is a brand-new day.

For those of us with a strong Aries presence in our charts, this transit may kick your ass at times. Remember, Saturn has a depressive effect on everything it touches.

Sometimes the work is finding the light in the darkness.

Our Luminaries: The Sun and the Moon

As the Sun moves through Taurus, it sextiles the North Node on 5/14 and conjuncts Uranus on 5/17. It sextiles Saturn on 5/20 and then Neptune on 5/22 after it has entered Gemini. We can view all of this as cleaning house; with no personal planet aspects in sight, this isn't personal. We've been in a period of intense change since early 2020, and, as expected, we are now experiencing the consequences of the last five years.

I would remind those reading this that it isn't personal, so please try not to take it personally. However, I also understand that when you are truly in it, you may not always have a choice in what you take personally.

However, I want to reiterate that what is happening astrologically this month is, overall, not a personal matter. Society is at a tipping point, but we don't yet know how all of this will spin out. We can ruminate over it, and we can catastrophize all we want, but until some of this clears up, there aren't any real actions to be taken or decisions to be made.

It's a challenging situation to be in.

Especially for people who crave action, the doers among us.

It's just where we are. Things are too new. There is a lot of intentional obfuscation and misinformation being circulated, and even those among us who have some insight may notice that things are somewhat obscured at the moment. (I'm looking at Neptune in Aries)

There isn't a lot going on, and things may remain unclear until 5/30 when the Sun conjuncts Mercury in prograde motion at 09° Gemini.

It is what it is. The space soup is murky, but we all still need to live in it.

Our 22° Scorpio Full Moon on 5/12 is a 1/6 Full Moon.

8 (Scorpio moon) + 2 (Taurus Sun) = 10 = 1+0 = 1. 1 (Scorpio full moon) + 5 (May 2025) = 6.

The Sun will be conjunct to Uranus during this lunar event, so expect some shake-ups and possibly some big reveals. It's not a particularly tight conjunction, so I wouldn't say that it's indicative of disasters, particularly. Instead, the Sun will be closely sextile to the North Node, and the Moon to the South, creating an energy akin to that of an eclipse, albeit outside of eclipse season. This heightens magical opportunities of all kinds, but with a hint of wild card energy that many will not enjoy.

Our 06° Gemini New Moon on 5/26 is a 6/2 new moon.

3 (Gemini moon) + 3 (Gemini Sun) = 6. 6 (Gemini new moon) + 5 (May 2025) = 11 = 1+1 = 2.

Note the double "6" energy of our full moon and our new moon. Six energy naturally follows five and tends to bring a sense of balance after the conflict. These lunations may serve as a reprieve within the conflict of our "5" month energy, offering a bit of relief.

The new moon will be loosely conjunct to Mercury in a sextile to Saturn and Neptune in Aries. It's not an excellent day for magic for these reasons. Geminis' carefree energy does not fare much better under Saturn's control than Aries's does.

Altogether, this month looks like a bit of a breather, but still like we may struggle to catch our breath, especially around 5/24-5/25 when Saturn enters Aries and Mercury enters Gemini. If you're looking to do magic this month, I would consider a supportive variety. While we sit in the time in between, we need nourishment and something to calm our nerves more than we need to rush ahead into the unresolved and the unknown.

Mercury

Now that Mercury has exited its post-retrograde shadow, they are moving fast to catch up with the Sun (which they will do on 5/30). In this way, we may all feel like we are playing a game of catch-up this month. And it's not just Mercury, either. Mars was retrograde from December to February, and Venus retrograded through March and April. This is the first month we've had all three personal planets in prograde motion all year long.

Things have been halted for so long that it may take a moment to regain our momentum.

On 5/5, Mercury in Aries sextiles Jupiter in Gemini, which is an opportunity. I'm not sure it's an opportunity I would take, but in all fairness, I am not the gambling type. These are our two planets of luck, but Jupiter is ill-placed in Gemini.

A pattern is starting to form here, one I will discuss over the next couple of months: we are witnessing a buildup of outer planets in the early degrees of the signs. Already, we see Neptune sitting at the beginning of Aries and Uranus at the beginning of Aquarius (roughly sextile to one another). As the moving planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars) change signs, they will begin to interact with this pileup of outerplanetary energy.

When Mercury enters Taurus on 5/10, they form a square to Pluto in Aquarius (and also a wide square to Mars in Leo, technically creating a wide fixed T-square). The Sun does this when it enters Gemini on 5/20, and Mercury will repeat this when it also enters Gemini on 5/25. This is a repeated connection point between the personal and the transpersonal. When repeated elements appear in our skies, we should all start paying attention. I will discuss this further as the year progresses.

Mercury in Taurus squares Mars in Leo on 5/18, which is probably the rough point, from a relational perspective, of the month. NBD most likely, but it smells of mild domestic troubles. Misunderstandings and miscommunications galore lead to fights. Being the person big enough to back down and bend rather than break is always the big flex when there's a fixed square in the skies.

Mercury conjuncts Uranus at 27° Taurus on Saturday, 5/24. Those of you who work with Mercury or have either planet prominently featured in your birth chart may wish to pay attention during this time. If Mercury is the thinking mind, we can see Uranus as the higher octave of Mercury; this is the genius mind—the mind of pure inspiration, the mind of connection to the beyond. I believe that Mercury is the only way that Uranus can be known to us mortals who walk this Earth. It is only through Mercury that Uranus can be understood, and then, only barely.

This is a powerful day to channel, to dream, to connect, and to divine - whatever that means to you.

Venus

Venus will be in Aries all month, sitting by herself in the sign of her exile. This isn't going to make life easier, but it is business as usual as Venus makes her way through every sign every year. Venus rules over Libra, the sign of relationships, and she is petulant and domineering in Libra's Sun Sign Opposite, Aries.

I'd tell you to try to be kind, but I don't think Venus in Aries has any kind left in her.

Again, this isn't particularly personal, even though she is a personal planet. We are all, collectively, out of spoons. Some people are reacting to this by engaging in alarming behavior, and the media is showcasing it on full display.

It is disheartening.

Disheartening might be Venus in Aries' middle name.

One of the deep mysteries of astrology is the cycle. And the expected result. Everything needs its time, and everything comes back around again. The horsocope holds within it all of the good and bad about humanity because it was created by us, for us.

Venus used to be a battle planet, and Aries is a battle sign. Pick your battles wisely, but remember to fight for what you believe in.

Mars

Mars, now in Leo, is way off ahead of the crowd and unaspected for the entire month other than its one square to Mercury in Taurus, which passes quickly. We need to be cautious about being overly egotistical and thinking that our story is more important than others', but otherwise, we don't need to worry about this planet this month.

Pluto

Pluto retrogrades this month, but, as our outermost dwarf planet, it is so far beyond the scope of humanity that this won't be much of a deal for most people. Those with personal planets or luminaries in the first degrees of Aquarius may notice some intensity as this transit happens, but it will pass quickly.

Looking Ahead

June appears to be a bit more intense, astrologically. We've got some significant planetary movement as all of our personal planets change signs: Mercury into Cancer, Venus into Taurus, and Mars into Virgo. Additionally, Jupiter finally moves into Cancer, significantly lightening the load. But, in doing so, it meets up in a cardinal square with Saturn in Aries, yet another hit on this ongoing story in early Aries. Stay tuned!

The details

5/2 - Venus conjunct Neptune 01° Aries, Mars exits its post-retrograde shadow 06° Aries 5/4 - Pluto retrogrades 03° Aquarius 5/5 - Mercury in Aries sextile Jupiter in Gemini 5/6 - Venus in Aries sextile retrograde Pluto in Aquarius 5/10 - Mercury enters Taurus 5/12 - Full Moon 22° Scorpio, Mercury in Taurus square Pluto in Aquarius 5/14 - Sun in Taurus sextile North Node 5/15 - Jupiter in Gemini square the lunar nodes in Pisces/Virgo (mutable t-square) 5/16 - Venus exits her post-retrograde shadow 10° Aries 5/17 - Sun conjunct Uranus 27° Taurus 5/18 - Mercury in Taurus square Mars in Leo 5/20 - Sun enters Gemini, Sun in Taurus sextile Saturn in Pisces 5/22 - Sun in Gemini sextile Neptune in Aries, Venus in Aries trine Mars in Leo 5/23 - Mercury in Taurus sextile North Node in Pisces 5/24 - Sun in Gemini trine retrograde Pluto in Aquarius, Mercury conjunct Uranus 27° Taurus, Saturn enters Aries 5/25 - Mercury enters Gemini, Mercury in Gemini sextile Saturn in Aries 5/26 - New moon 06° Gemini, Mercury in Gemini sextile Neptune in Aries 5/27 - Mercury in Gemini trine retrograde Pluto in Aquarius 5/30 - Sun conjunct Mercury 09° Gemini

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[nulfaga]

idk why i am so compelled to write about marriages slowly breaking down even tho the couple love each other (nothing thicker than a knife's blade separates love from etc etc). do i call this the john darnielle instinct

[manglam-marfach]

dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden

[lunarharp]

Very important conferences.

[jellogram]

My mother always acts like I'm being an insufferable cunt because I hate being at home for so long and complain a lot but like. She would absolutely not survive my preferred lifestyle. If she lived out of a suitcase alone in shitty motels with no plan, she would go to pieces in 48 hours or less. But I try to live her lifestyle, one that is deeply unnatural and uncomfortable for me, and I'm a dramatic bitch who needs to get over it.

[july-19th-club]

forced myself to finish this book even though by the last hundred pages or so all i was doing was picking apart the post-catholicism of it all. bc i feel like it's important to read shit you don't gel with . just because. even though the whole way through i was like they HAVE to prove it's not real. they HAVE to. so not the point of any of it but i was desperate for them to Find The Body etc. and of course instead they have mystical time travel experiences and all that because that is the kind of book the actual star is but i was desperate for them to realize that the star you see is the actual star. and then it wasn't

[angry-glasses]

i missed Tsukumo so bad those last chapters TᴖT my beloveds with identity issues who were lied to about who they were their whole lives and even after learning the truth can't tell what their true self is meant to be TᴖT

[hanamiyama-basketball-club]

New replacement ear hole acquired! It doesn't even hurt which I am taking as a good omen (I suspect in two days I will be like FUCK OW WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF as usual but that too will pass) Third time's the charm hopefully.

Now I just have to figure out what my midlife crisis piercing is going to be when I turn mumblety years old this year

[lazaruscorpse]

idk where I'm at today ✌️