#and you still do the same things regardless of your official role in someone’s life

[spookykestrel]

Hm

[drawscripturestories]

My feelings on LGBTQ+

Sometimes I feel like I just need to vent my beliefs into the void, just so that people know what I'm feeling.

Today I want people to know what I'm feeling about LGBTQ+ stuff. My church's official stance is that there oughta be no sexual relations before marriage, and marriage is between a man and a woman. My church also maintains that there are two genders, regardless of what biology may say; it's a thing that was determined before we were born and will continue to be so long after we're dead.

And yes, I trust my church. Faith is a difficult thing to hold onto when everyone you see on the internet is telling you it's wrong, but I've just about managed to maintain it.

Of course, maybe before going further I ought to say what this does NOT mean:

This does not mean I hate everyone who identifies as Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, or whatever other words you may prefer to use. These people deserve the basic human rights to live in a society that loves and tolerates them in the same way that all human beings ought to love each other. The second-greatest commandment in the bible is "love your neighbor", after all; second only to loving God, who also loves everyone, by the way.

This does not mean that I believe that Men should not be sensitive, caring, concerned with their appearance, or any other thing that is traditionally associated with the female gender, or vice versa. There is a big difference between the roles God intended for men and women and the human traditions that have built up around those roles since the beginning of time.

BUT this does not, in turn, mean that I want to let you all do LGBTQ+ stuff. I won't hate you for it, but... I know that sexual relationships outside marriage between a man and a woman can only lead to misery; in this life or the next; and I want to tell you all so bad, but... I'm afraid I'll only be met with terms like "TERF" and "Transphobe". Look at JK Rowling, for example. Can anyone here actually tell me what exactly she has said that has made her the sworn enemy of the LGBTQ+ community?

“If sex isn’t real, there’s no same-sex attraction. If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth. The idea that women like me, who’ve been empathetic to trans people for decades, feeling kinship because they’re vulnerable in the same way as women—i.e., to male violence—‘hate’ trans people because they think sex is real and has lived consequences—is a nonsense.”

She continued, “I respect every trans person’s right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I’d march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it’s hateful to say so.”

That last paragraph scares me because she practically outright said that she would support trans rights and the people of the internet still hate her.

JK Rowling never said she hated Trans people. She wasn't funding any hate groups, she just expressed her belief, like I'm doing, and the LGBTQ+ community wants to destroy her for it.

That's why I'm terrified to put this post out there.

But one of the virtues I chose to write on Gad's sword was "Truth", because that is more important than popularity. If I can't be honest with you all, then it's as good as standing by and letting a blind man walk off a cliff.

From my perspective, anyway. Form yours, I might be the conspiracy theorist connecting unrelated threads in his basement, or the old guy shouting "the end is nigh" at the street corner.

By all means, call someone out for outright abusing LGBTQ+ people, or for slinging hateful slurs or doing anything un-christlike. Just also be aware that some of us are just seeing you guys walking toward a cliff, real or imagined, and we want to warn you before you fall off and hit rock bottom.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous; continuing from this) Tachanka and Absinthe bonding time

It didn’t take long for Tachanka to see his new official role as Papa Bear - once he’d realized they weren’t that much older than his oldest back home, at least - but the rumor mill set to work around him in its usual pseudo-conscious way. There was a theory that Natalya had become the “Mama Bear” of the USSGG, which was a) completely forgetting Rada did most of the housekeeping, by choice, and b) insensitive to the feelings of all parties involved. Sure, Sasha didn’t have a wife back home, and sure, that first night drinking together might’ve gotten a bit…interesting, but he was an old man. She needed someone closer to her age so she didn’t have to add being a young widow in addition to all her other baggage.

Sorry, where were we? Right, rumors. Frankly, the Sapiens didn’t care about them on his own behalf, but for the girls’, and thanks to his solid relationship with the Doctor, he knew exactly where to turn when they became prevalent enough to reach them. He kept his ears open for himself, acted when he needed to, and if for some reason the Doctor’s input wasn’t enough to take care of things, well, Tachanka wasn’t just any veteran; he was a Soviet veteran. If problems didn’t make themselves scarce, he could disappear them himself…

It was paying attention to rumors that brought another Ursus to his attention, one neither the Doctor nor the USSGG seemed as worried about, but who instantly caught Tachanka’s attention after hearing about her. A little more ears-to-the-ground showed him that she was interested in his group but never approached them. That revelation was the tipping point. He made a plan, and when the time was right, he put it into action.

Absinthe, meanwhile, was completely unaware that the mercenary had her in his sights. She did follow the USSGG, but it wasn’t because she wanted to get to know them…that much, anyway. There were questions she had only they could answer, questions about what happened in Peterheim and how it had become the horror whose aftermath she bore witness to briefly, questions about how justice could be done by them for the suffering Reunion and their fellow countrymen caused them, questions about what life was supposed to mean in the way of all these things.

Questions her therapist had been working with her on, admittedly, but she still wanted to ask someone who could relate to the inciting incidents better.

[As before, all dialogue is in Ursine] “I see you’re sitting alone, sestrenka.” Sasha set his tray at her table; he’d found out when she took her lunch break to introduce himself. “Mind if I join you?”

“...*Yawn* Go ahead.” Zoya cut a slice of barbeque sausage from a larger link and popped it in her mouth. Letting Eunectes into the kitchen had been a stroke of genius, as it turned out.

Tachanka slipped down his visor - he was wearing his ‘grub bucket’ helmet, as Leto affectionately called it, which left his less-than-Ursine head shape indeterminate - and did the same with his plate. “How’re you holding up?”

“I’m not dead yet.” She looked up from staring at her food, her ragged bangs covering one eye completely. “Have we met before?”

“No, but we’ve seen each other around. Alexander.” He extended a hand to her.

The Caster took it. “Is that your codename?”

“What’s a codename between friends?” Sasha smiled slightly. “But if you prefer, Tachanka.”

“Absinthe…but call me Zoya.”

The mercenary nodded. “That I will. So, you’re not dead. That’s good.”

“I guess.” Some days, she wondered. “Hmm. You know Zima’s group?”

“I sure do, sestrenka. You’re curious about them, aren’t you?” The Sapiens had a couple theories about why.

But Zoya didn’t admit to it right away. “How do you know them?”

“I met them at the bar,” Tachanka answered. Completely honestly - he stayed because the Doctor asked him to, but he would’ve wanted to know them better regardless. “We each paid for a round, had a good time, so I spend a few nights a week with them.”

“...They still remember Chernobog?” Her eyes narrowed at the name.

So did his. “Sestrenka, none of us can forget Chernobog.”

“You were there?” Sasha shook his head. “Then how can you say that?”

“I’ve seen what it’s done to them, to you. Children should never have to see the things you’ve seen.”

She focused back on her food. “What’s done is done.”

“You don’t sound confident in that, sestrenka.” The Sapiens took out a pocket knife and precisely cut the skin of an orange. “The past can’t be changed, but what you do about it can. It won’t be easy, but it’s possible.”

“And if it isn’t? If I’m too sad and weak to move on?” Choice visions of the nightmare that was that time began to replay in her mind-

-until an orange slice bounced off her forehead and landed on her tray. The mercenary smiled at her. “Then we’ll be sad and weak together; between seven broken folks, we can find the pieces of at least one whole person.”

“...Hmm.” Zoya had to admit, he sold the idea pretty well. But still. “So you want to introduce me?”

“I’ll be there when you introduce yourself,” Sasha replied before eating the last of his orange slices.

The Ursus took the straggler from her tray and offered it back to him. “Here.”

“No, sestrenka, that one is yours.” From outside of her vision, Tachanka pulled out another orange. “I have more.”

“Alright.” She’d never actually had one of whatever this thing was. Some kind of fruit, obviously, but the smell was strong, and the taste- oh. That was pretty good. “...Thank you.”

He peeled the second orange quickly, handed it to her, and pulled out a third. “It’s hard to find these in the motherland - they don’t grow well there - but they taste to me like liquid sunlight.”

“Yeah. What do you call them?”

“Oranges.” She gave him a disbelieving look. “I know, right? Lazy…Victorians. Yeah, the Victorians named them.”

The Caster shook her head. “I’ll forgive them for it this time…When are they free? I go back to work in twenty.”

“I’ll find you when you’re done. Here.” The Sapiens fished a crumpled piece of paper out of a pocket and thumped it onto her tray.

“Cool. I’ll let you know.” Zoya unfurled it, memorized the number, and then sat for a moment, looking at Tachanka’s face. “You look like him a little.”

Sasha tilted his head, finishing his last orange. He had a bag in the girls’ dorm for later. “Like who?”

“..No one.” She realized she’d said her thought aloud and blushed in embarrassment. It was true, though.

Alexander Senaviev had the same eyes as her father.

[crimefightingspiderguy]

I just HAVE to get this out of my system.

So if you haven’t seen WandaVision yet or are not caught up, scroll past this. If you don’t want spoilers don’t look below Wanda.

So I’m officially a believer that Evan Peters is reprising his role of Peter Maximoff in WandaVision.

Here’s the proof I have & what my hopes are for this character:

• his first appearance is in Episode 5, in that appearance Wanda is seen gasping and softly asks “Pietro?” When she sees him. Now it’s obvious at this point that she knows he looks different, but still similar enough to convince her. After she asks if it’s him, instead of saying something that would seem so in character with someone gaslighting Wanda like “well yeah who else would I be?” He simply just nods/tilts his head. Not confirming or denying.

• while I understand that the joke was there and it was funny, once he is in the house he preceded to say “who’s the popsicle?”. MCU Pietro’s already met Vision. He met him (and fought Ultron with him) before he died. So regardless of if Pietro was dead a brought back to life/his soul/memories put into another human, he would remember Vision.

• we also see him say “long lost bro get to squeeze his stinkin sister to death or what?” This one is a bit more obvious I think but what a strange line for a character that is supposed to be dead, not lost. Like the writers have to know what they wrote. It was a deliberate choice of words

• next in episode 6 we get to see the boys interacting with this new Uncle P. And he is addressed mostly as Uncle P not Pietro, not Peter, just P.

•yes he makes a lot of devil and hell references in this episode, but I don’t think that makes him Mephesto (don’t know if I spelt that right), because as we come to see in episode 7 it was Agatha all along and Mephesto is too powerful for her to control, same goes for the Nick Scratch theories (she wouldn’t have to control her son, he would just do as she asked). Same note, Mesphesto should be powerful enough to replicate ATJ Quicksilver, dead or not.

I came across other points and theories like he never takes off that damn shell necklace, he says things he shouldn’t know but also knows well enough to just come off as the details are fuzzy, he doesn’t act out ATJ Pietro does, but how XMen Peter does, what little infor we’ve gotten up to this point has been vague enough to consider this more than a fun cameo.

And yes, I’ve seen Kevin F. new statement about how he was just another toy for Agatha to use against Wanda. But how vague could you get? If he really was nothing more he would’ve been like, yeah she just was using a random person who we casted as Evan for fun. He’s been too vague, Agatha has been too vague, Vision has yet to unlock his mind even though he was suspicious of him from the start, especially around the twins. I think that if we don’t get a confirmation of his return in episode 9 I think it’s because they don’t even know. I think their original plan was to introduce him as Peter under a spell, but if fans ended up not liking the switch from ATJ to EP, they would just conclude his cameo in the show and say he was just a pawn who we thought would be a fun surprise for fans. If fans reacted well to the switch, they would keep him around and eventually make him an Avenger or something, help him adjust to this new reality. Y’all might think I’m reaching but think about how in between each movie they get time to gauge people’s reactions to new plot devices or characters, they can’t do that as easily with a show unless they are vague.

I’m sure he’ll at least be in the last episode because he had an end credit scene that’s yet to be resolved, so if he isn’t addressed in a finalizing way in the next one, I’m assuming it could go either way.

I also saw someone say they think the main reason he’s only been a key player in one episode is because Evan Peters is a screen stealer. As soon as he comes on, he has main character energy, everyone’s focus turns to him, and it’s hard for him to not be your favorite part of the show/movie. Like Days of Future Past and Apocalypse, I think most of the people I’ve seen review those movies are like the best part of those movies are Peter Maximoff. They can’t have a screen stealer focused on in Wanda’s show.

In conclusion I love Evan Peters, I love Quicksilver, and I want him to stay so desperately.

Edit: I don’t want anyone to think this is me putting ATJ vs. EP. I think they both played their parts well with what they were given, unfortunately I think the odds were more in EP favor though with Fox having more rights to his character. That being said, EP is my favorite actor to portray the character so far and I will stand by that, and I can say that without sending hate to ATJ. So no one come at me saying anything about EP being the worse of the two or vise Versa. Also this is entirely my own opinion based on what I’ve observed online and in the show, if you have an opinion outside of mine, that’s fine, but respectfully don’t attack me with it Bc I could care less if you’re gonna be rude.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Good Help - chapter 3 - ao3 link

-

Everyone was required to come to the Nightless City to pay homage to the Emperor, no matter their status, and any number of sects had chosen to pay another visit during the Emperor’s absence – whether in search of profit or merely credit for fulfilling their duties, preferably without the risk of incurring their volatile Emperor’s attention.

One of those sects was Lanling Jin.

Meng Yao felt both disappointment and relief when he learned that Jin Guangshan would not be coming himself, declining on the grounds that it was just too miserable to go without his good friend the Emperor there, though it was far more likely that he didn’t want to have to acknowledge the presence of Meng Yao, standing there in the Emperor’s place. Instead, his father sent his one legitimate son and heir, Jin Zixuan, and Jin Zixuan brought his wives.

The rumors of friendship between Wen Ruohan and Jin Guangshan were exaggerated for effect, in Meng Yao’s opinion, but there must be some basis to it. Otherwise, there was no way Jin Zixuan would have been allowed to hold such a treasure in his hands: he had married the last survivors of the Jiang clan, Jiang Yanli and her younger brother Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Yanli, at least, was considered a prize, given that she brought with her the bloodline and legitimacy of a former Great Sect and had at least a technical claim to a frankly eye-popping dowry, should the Emperor ever decide to allow her to reclaim the ownership of the Lotus Pier, even if in practice the place had been rapidly converted into a pleasure palace by his second son.

Jin Zixuan had managed to win that race, having had the advantage of being already engaged to Jiang Yanli since birth, his mother having apparently been friends with the former Madame Jiang, known better as Madame Yu. Given Jin Zixuan’s character – not known to be especially good at either politics or finance – Meng Yao was of the belief, as were many people, that he had only taken Jiang Cheng as a bride in order to please his wife by saving the life of her younger brother after the Jiang sect was destroyed, since Jiang Cheng, the son of a fallen clan, represented little more than a gigantic target on the back of anyone who might claim him.

Of course, rather than admit it, Jin Zixuan denied all such rumors and maintained consistently that he had been in love with both of them, desperately, and that had been the reason he’d petitioned for the right of marriage.

(Meng Yao also heard rumors that Wen Ruohan had found his insistence funny and agreed to the match on the condition that their marriage bed be witnessed, which sounded very much in line with what he knew of Wen Ruohan’s character – he would have enjoyed forcing them to consummate their fake marriage, luxuriated in their humiliation, and laughed when they failed to look each other in the eye later. Still, what wasn’t worth doing to preserve a life?)

At any rate, regardless of anything else, Jin Zixuan was still the Emperor’s subject, and therefore he had to come pay homage the same as anyone else. Meng Yao’s brother by blood (although frustratingly not by law) had trouble looking directly at Meng Yao during the ceremony, but he managed to conduct the ritual of swearing loyalty moderately well regardless, with no indications of disrespect and perfect etiquette. It was only after, when Meng Yao had maliciously invited him to share a cup of tea to extend the duration of the awkwardness, that something broke – and it wasn’t Jin Zixuan at all.

“Is it true?” Jiang Cheng asked abruptly, the first words he’d said in this visit, and Meng Yao turned to look at him even as Jin Zixuan’s face turned pale. “That the Emperor started fucking Huaisang?”

Huaisang, Meng Yao thought, rolling the name around in his mouth – was A-Sang originally a Jiang, then?

But no, if he was, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have that look of desperation on his face, of longing and despair; whoever this Huaisang had been in his previous life, before he’d become an Imperial Consort, he’d been someone that Jiang Cheng had been close to. Maybe someone he had even lost his heart to.

Interesting.

Or, well – interesting, but ultimately irrelevant.

“I have no insight into the Emperor’s personal affairs,” Meng Yao said, calm and placid as ever. “Especially while he is far away on a long voyage.”

Jiang Cheng scowled at him, but his sister put her hand on his shoulder and he subsided, still looking upset.

Meng Yao decided to show pity as a stratagem to put Jin Zixuan into his debt, and said, affecting a tone of mild sympathy, “I have no reason to think that he is based on his conduct before leaving, and I understand that his travels were motivated by a search for a spiritual item capable of improving cultivation. It may be that he took Imperial Consort A-Sang with him on account of the Consort’s reputed scholarly achievements.”

To the extent A-Sang had any scholarly achievements other than carting around a scholar’s fan, anyway.

Jiang Cheng still scowled, but his shoulders relaxed a little, and Jiang Yanli sent Meng Yao a grateful look.

Jin Zixuan seemed only a little moved, picking up his tea cup and continuing the former conversation without a hitch, but when everything was done he unexpectedly reached out and caught Meng Yao’s arm.

Meng Yao tensed, but Jin Zixuan took no movement against him, only looked at him. “It was an unexpected pleasure to meet you,” he said, nothing he couldn’t have said without touching, but then his hand shifted and Meng Yao felt the prickle of paper beneath his palm.

Meng Yao put a smile on his face and said some pleasantries, and as soon as Jin Zixuan left he looked at the note he’d been smuggled.

You are being targeted, it said, which – was rather unhelpful, actually.

“He couldn’t have included more details of who, what, or when?” Meng Yao complained to A-Jue later, making sure to look piteous out of habit even though he knew A-Jue didn’t believe him at all. Or at least, he shouldn’t by this point, or else Meng Yao’s lessons on how to detect a liar were all going to waste. “I don’t know if it’s because it’s me that he didn’t want to commit to saying too much, there is that awkwardness there, but it’s not like I don’t know people are trying to kill me. I’m the Emperor’s viceroy! I’ve been making changes left and right in his absence, some of them extremely unpopular –”

And yet others that were extremely popular. He’d known the Watchtower idea would win him acclaim among the common people, and that even if the smaller sects complained about the encroachment at first they would soon – or at least, eventually – realize that it was in their own best interest.

“ – and really. He left a note! Why be ominous and vague in a note?”

“Perhaps he meant something more general,” A-Jue said.

Meng Yao looked at him, and A-Jue shrugged, averting his eyes. The action – so obviously indicating that he had something to say and wasn’t saying it for whatever reason – should have irritated Meng Yao, but by now he’d grown to find A-Jue’s thorough inability to dissemble directly rather adorable. Such a big man, older than Meng Yao, and he still blushed when he tried to lie to your face.

“You can go on,” Meng Yao coaxed. “I’m not going to be angry.”

“Don’t treat me like I’m five.”

“Who’s a big boy who knows something he’s not saying? You are, yes, you are!”

A-Jue tried to look disapproving but ended up having to hide his sniggering into his sleeve. “That’s more like you’d treat a dog, viceroy Meng. Not that you’d know, given how much you hate them.”

“I don’t hate dogs,” Meng Yao said. “I gave Jin Zixuan’s eldest a spiritual dog just last year, a husky. It’s gigantic man-eaters I object to.”

“Northern mountain dogs are a bit large,” A-Jue conceded, a little reluctantly, but in fairness at his size the mountain dogs were probably proportional in size to regular dogs. Actually, A-Jue’s accent, however blurred by time and assimilation, suggested he was from somewhere to north of the Nightless City – maybe he’d drunk the same water as the dogs growing up, explaining how he reached his current heights. “And aren’t you the one who’s always saying that you only keep things from people that they don’t need to know?”

“I like being the person to decide who needs to know what,” Meng Yao said. “Now, you clearly want to tell me, so tell me already.”

A-Jue sighed. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the job is supposed to kill you?”

Meng Yao frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the Emperor’s viceroy,” A-Jue said. “He appointed you, and then he immediately left you alone to more or less run the entirety of his domain – he gave you the power of authority, to speak with his voice. That’s a pretty big promotion from chief torturer, wouldn’t you say?”

Meng Yao would not describe being the deputy in charge of the Fire Palace as ‘chief torturer’ – prisons required a great deal of management, he wasn’t just torturing people anymore – but he couldn’t exactly say that A-Jue was wrong.

He’d enjoyed his success, but he’d been startled by it, too. He’d had to fight and scheme for every last thing that he’d ever wanted, before this, and while he’d had to do more than a bit of tussling to keep this role over the overtures of the other deputies, it did sometimes feel as though this promotion came a little too easily, too suddenly.

“What do you think, then?” he asked, folding his hands together under his sleeves so no one could see how his nails dug into his flesh. If there was one thing he truly hated, it was the scorn of others, of those who thought they were better than him.

Being schemed against was a very close second.

“Some of your policies are in fact very unpopular,” A-Jue said. “Even though we both know that they’re necessary…the Emperor would know that they were necessary, too.”

“You think he wants me as what? A scapegoat?”

Wen Ruohan didn’t pay attention to things like popularity, officially taking the position that strength was all that mattered, and yet only a fool ignored such things entirely, and Wen Ruohan was no fool.

“The Emperor is friends with Jin Guangshan,” A-Jue said quietly. “Not merely for show, and although Jin Guangshan does exaggerate it somewhat, it’s not as much as people think. Before he became Emperor, back when they were peers, they would often spend time together, do things together…and your existence offends Jin Guangshan. People laugh at him for not having accepted you back then.”

That was as Meng Yao wanted. He’d wanted to rub into his father’s face how stupid he’d been – and Jin Guangshan had done nothing, had just taken it, and in retrospect that seemed rather uncharacteristic of someone of his reputation.

“So, what?” he asked, ignoring the blood on his nails from where his flesh could no longer take the pressure. “You think he’s pressing the Emperor to have me executed for failing to live up to his expectations?”

“Maybe,” A-Jue said. “And perhaps the Emperor has incentivized others to try to make you fail.”

Having people try to kill a stand-in would be a very effective way to see how those same people would try to kill you. It wasn’t a bad plan, not really, but Meng Yao really didn’t appreciate it when it was aimed at him.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Meng Yao said. “I will not fail. I will succeed, and so thoroughly that even the Emperor will be unable to deny my success – he enjoys being thought of as someone who rewards merit, and killing me would just be seen as petty. He won’t do it. I have my brain, my talent, my competence – I won’t let him.”

Assuming, of course, that he survived until Wen Ruohan’s return.

“You have me, too,” A-Jue said.

It was a nice sentiment, Meng Yao thought, and patted A-Jue on the shoulder, and A-Jue didn’t even flinch this time. He didn’t expect that A-Jue really meant it, of course – A-Jue was a guard of the inner hall, and to get that sort of position he had to be loyal to Wen Ruohan first and foremost – but it was nice of him to say it regardless.

Meng Yao wondered, briefly, if now was a good time to let his hand linger on A-Jue’s shoulder, to turn the contact into a caress. He didn’t think he’d even need to order A-Jue to his bed at this point, although he’d be more than willing to do so if A-Jue liked things like that – he was moderately sure that A-Jue sincerely liked him, and that there was more to that liking than mere friendliness or even the stirrings of loyalty. If he asked, or even just indicated interest, A-Jue would probably come to him entirely of his own volition.

And yet…

Meng Yao removed his hand, turning the conversation forcefully to some other subject, much to A-Jue’s evident relief. He was too busy, he told himself. There was no time to spend on dalliances.

And anyway –

He’d had his fill of sharing with Wen Ruohan.

[o-king-of-suns]

To the sweet anon who sent me an ask couple of days ago. I am sorry for not answering you earlier. I have a problem with the reply button, so I will be answering your ask here :D

 1- Let’s be real here; Levi was NEVER going to choose Erwin :D No matter how much we wanted it to happen. No matter how much we thought it is the most reasonable choice, it was just never going to happen and we all know it. Levi was pretty much a slave to the narrative at that point.

Isayama said that he ALREADY had made up his mind that Erwin would die there and then. He also said that the since volume 18, he tried to draw Erwin and Armin as contrasting characters, the past and the future and described Erwin as someone "who is drenched in sth very personal" while Arimn is someone who "is chasing a dream that's pure and fresh”. Isayama intentionally created the serumbowl scene to draw important parallels between Armin & Erwin (as well as to show Levi’s development). I don’t understand how can anyone be blind to this!

  Armin is the future, rightful successor to Erwin. The plot deemed it necessary to show that Armin WAS the right choice and Isayama’s objective was to ensure that neither the characters nor the readers regret this choice by the end of the story. This is what Isayama planned to do all along but I’m going to be honest, it wasn’t well-executed as I wished it to be. Armin’s arc could’ve been handled much better.

2- Both Levi and Erwin agreed that in order for humanity to have a chance in survival and for them to have a chance in winning this battle, Erwin had to march to his death. Did this mean that both of them made a choice to doom humanity?! of course not, because as much as brilliant Erwin was as a commander, he wasn’t the sole key to humanity’s survival, Eren was at that point. I mean if they had to choose to sacrifice Erwin or Eren at that time, they would’ve agreed that it was Erwin is the person to be sacrificed because Eren was more important.

Actually, Levi made the same decision before during the Uprising Arc! He was willing to let everyone in the SC (including Erwin) die in order to find Eren and Historia.

3- Levi’s two most highlighted character traits are his kindness and his perceptive nature. His choice on that rooftop solidifies what I find to be his most important feature: an innate instinct for consideration, for understanding how to best care for someone independent of himself ALONG with his very strong perceptive nature and his ability to read situations and act in the best way accordingly. Taking that into consideration, an important comparison between Levi and Erwin needs to be drawn to also understand why Levi chose Erwin to rest.

Levi admits that he is willing to play the role of the “lunatic who kills people” for the sake of humanity. He chose to take this burden on himself. He understands that he might need to ask his comrades and subordinates to sacrifice themselves and in return he promises them to carry their will. The deaths of his comrades have always been a way to strengthen his will. He uses their will to keep moving..

Erwin, on the other hand, enrolled into the SC to achieve his childhood dream, like Armin and many others (he’s a human after all), but found himself getting up in ranks till he became a commander and a necessary devil. It wasn’t simply a burden he took upon himself, unlike Levi. As Levi said to Floch, it was asked of him. Everyone wanted to see something in or get something from this figure Erwin cut in their tense, desperate world : Erwin the Figurehead giving people direction  and purpose, Erwin the Monster wielding ruthlessness for the sake of  humanity, Erwin the Visionary who sees something no one else can see.  Everyone had something they wanted him to be, and he delivered. Erwin eventually becomes broken. He struggles to find meaning in his comrades’ deaths. He tells Levi that he thought many times that death would have been much easier for him. He never wanted that burden in the first place and it’s a heavy burden indeed.

Levi always thought that Erwin was the same as him but he realized that this wasn’t the case till it was very late. He never “accepted Erwin as a human” until he  watched him drop the mask on that crate in Shiganshina and realized that had an ideal which he projected onto Erwin.

My point here is that Levi deciding to let Erwin rest is very understandable and he would have acted in the same way regardless who the person was - Erwin or someone else- because it has only to do with Levi’s compassionate and understanding nature. It had nothing to do with personal feelings towards Erwin (If it was, we would have had flashbacks of Levi thinking only of Erwin moments in his life and him reminiscing their old days together, right? Lol)

4-  Levi’s decision was a layered and nuanced decision and Levi refers to it multiple times as such, saying he let Erwin rest and ALSO that he doesn't regret the decision and wouldn't let anyone else regret it either and reassures Armin about his abilities. Anyone who intentionally decides to not pay attention to detail within the narrative structure, both visually and textually, know what they are doing (ehm shippers :D)

Isayama: “The scene where Levi decided Erwin’s fate - he was influenced by his interactions with Kenny.”

Levi’s past experiences always helped him in making decisions, especially this one. We can see how Kenny’s final moments, Kenny’s “being drunk on sth to keep going on” speech, and Levi overhearing Armin talk about his dream to go to the ocean influenced his choice.

The answers  to what’s in the basement were the only thing that drove Erwin. Aside from that, his life was empty, thus his longing to die. Erwin admits that he has no idea what he will do afterwards, whereas for Armin, the idea of seeing the ocean is more of a symbolic gesture for appreciating the freedom outside the walls - one of hope for the future itself.

Seeing the basement could never be a positive thing for Erwin’s character, because once he saw it, he would have been overcome with despair because it could never have possibly lived up to his expectations. His goal would be complete, but he would still be a broken man, and upon discovering the secrets of the basement he will have no choice but to see those ghosts all the time.

This is an excerpt from one of the official short stories and it summarizes the whole thing. Erwin’s dream, once fulfilled, would have probably caused his downfall.

 Going forward to ch. 136, Levi specifies that he made his choice with Armin and the future in mind and he doesn't regret entrusting the future to Armin "who had the same look in his eyes as you guys" Levi saw something in Armin that made him entrust their future to him.

This is literally the same chapter in which Armin convinces Zeke to offer to sacrifice himself to stop the Rumbling, showing his potential and skills.

In the official short story, Levi sees an apparition of Erwin, but it’s actually more of his own reflection.

5- At the time of making that decision, none of the characters knew that their enemy was the ENTIRE world. Knowing this might have changed Levi’s choice, but it was never going to happen as I said because this is not how the plot was supposed to work.

6- Last thing, it is very strange that Eruris say that Erwin and Levi share a very deep bond and understanding but then make such claims as though Levi doing that would be a gesture dedication and *love*. It's not just that Levi wouldn't be willing to risk it. It's that it literally would not occur to him as an option because it would not be good for Erwin or any of his comrades who gave their lives for the sake of humanity.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 9 (part 1)

“ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~

What an ep for my girl tohru! She completed her growth thanks to kyo’s rejection. really, It was so hard, cruel, understandable but above all so necessary for her to reach a logical realistic conclusion that “I can love/want things from the bottom of my heart, but at the end I can’t force or bound them to me, I won’t regret loving/wanting them, but I’ll move forward regardless, no more standing still”.

-The fear of being alone:

Aren’t we all? We’re scared to face the word after breaking bonds, changing, not getting what we want, having to start over. Such feelings run deeper into us all. Both tohru & akito were scared to face the word without the old comfortable bond that they got used to:

Tohru realized today, that she cant keep talking to a cold photo, can’t live according to her mom’s expectations, to fulfill her mom’s wishes, can’t narrate her daily life to her mom & fill her life with other ppl’s own issues to distract her self from facing her own loneliness & from looking deeper into what should she do with her life. As she fell in love with kyo, tohru started talking to him! forgetting to inform her mom abt her life’s details, thinking abt what will she do “after graduation?”. As kyo asked in se02, ep2. Graduating highschool is ur mom’s wish, What would u wanna do after?” Tohru didnt have a response of “an after”cuz her mom wasnt there to tell her! Tohru has to choose “the after” herself!!!! “The after” was being with kyo & starting life together! figuring what to do next together! She no longer alone! she found her most precious person!

Except: he cant be with her. Again tohru is scared. What to do now! she wanted a bond but is forced to leave it. Loving kyo was stage 1 to be free from her grief. Moving forward without kyo is stage 2 to learn not to repeat the painful journey again! She didnt let go of her mom & kyo easily. It was hard, scary but she must do it. You must respect their wishes & move on. As scared as she is, there will be sadness & happiness ahead.

Akito realized she cant keep an empty box, cant keep fulfilling her dad’s wishes to “be loved & special” cant bound the zodiacs to her for good. They may love her or not, it doesn't matter, if they wish to leave for whatever reason, she cant force them to stay.

Except now that the zodiacs are leaving, what does she have to live for? who will be with her? she isnt good with strangers? she never met anyone who wasnt forced to obey her & be grateful for her. Strangers cant be forced to love her! what will she do now? stretch you hand for a greeting. Tohru told her, make a friend, they might refuse you, but hey might accept u too, I’ll make it easy, Hi, I;m tohru, whats ur name?

The power of true love: ( reality vs fiction)

In fairy tales, the princess fix the prince. the prince save the princess. The prince kiss the princess, she wakes up & they be happy ever after. Except real life has no prince & princess, You cant always be saved, you cant always save others, pure intense true love cant always be the answer!

Yuki was first when tohru needed physical saving. he saved her twice! Yuki’s nickname in school ”the prince”. Yuki is always cool, thoughtful & kind. Yuki always knew what to say & do! he deserves tohru’s romantic love more than kyo, right? But “ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~ . Yuki didn't feel this way towards tohru, granted no one (excepts kakeru) knows the reason why he loves her fondly (she’s his mom figure). The official” prince isnt the one for her. Real life isn’t a fairy tale. Yuki has someone who sees he isn’t cool, perfect or a prince “ granted no one knows abt machi, yet! ) XD

In tohru monologue: she didnt think abt saving, that's not why she loves kyo. She stated normal, silly, mundane things! a shy smile, awkward kindness & the likes. Stuff ppl love abt each other in real life. You dont say, I love my husband cuz he saved me from a burning building in the 7th floor! lol. But fiction is so full of this. Princes saving princesses.

Tohru didnt fix kyo, too! as much as her love helped him greatly to find hope, the best writing choice is that tohru’s love also brought despair to kyo! To him, she’s the symbol of hope, peace & comfort! she’s also, the symbol of despair, torment & unease! EPIC! The kyo who’s stuck in the past cant be with her, the kyo who will move beyond trauma, abuse & broken soul will be with her. The duality is all on kyo’s shoulder: what will he choose? Can he choose in his state now?

In fairy tales the princess wakes up after the kiss. In real life, we don't. Tohru didn’t. Regardless if she fainted during or after the kiss. The kiss fixed nothing. Kyo’s despair in seeing near-dead tohru in a not-so-subtle mimic to his nightmare, has manifested itself into the sweetest kiss upon seeing her conscious & talking. Kyo isnt good with words, his actions are his words. When he’s scared, sad, in trauma: running away. when he’s  fond of her, grateful for her existence: head knock, head pats, hand holding & a kiss. Still the kiss fixed nothing. Kyo is still traumatized more than ever now. Tohru still feels rejected “even if I’m not with you, plz live”.

Talking fixes everything. It didn’t here, kyo & tohru talked & showed their most vulnerable side to the other, but still didn’t meet half ways, regardless of all the love. That’s cuz they keep missing each other’s best timing. Kyo is stuck in the past while tohru has moved forward. even if in her mind she’s the one who stood & he moved. this shows they aren’t on the same wave yet. Before meeting each other again, kyo must learn from his mistake like tohru did. He must face his ultimate demon: his dad. The one who created the current broken kyo.

Rebelling against parents: ( sign of growth & freedom of choice):

Rebelling against parents  is a sign of a desire to choose one’s path, decide one’s own future. Away to express an oppressed desire.

Yuki rebelled against his mom in se02. he told her I’m not going to the college you chose. I’ll chose my path. I’m not staying away from Ayame. My bro is good in my book. I chose who I want to be with. He told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.

Tohru rebelled against her mom today. told her I’m not wasting myself doing only what you I think you’ll approve off. You might bot forhet kyo, thats ur choice, But I DO. I love him even if you might not approve of him, Even if he rejected me, my feelings wont change, but I’ll move forward from the grief & pain. mother. She told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.

Kyo WILL rebelled against his disgusting dad. He MUST. It is his turn now. He’ll tell him I’m not wasting myself being locked in a cage. I have a future! I’m not a monster. I am LOVED! I might not 100% sure why I’m loved, but the truth cant be hidden. I have ppl who love me! cheer for me! I want to live! enough of death! mom & kyoko died, tohru nearly did, but I’m not gonna die! I’m not killing ME! I’‘ll do what MOM didnt do! I’ll do what YOU couldn't do! I’ll live! He’ll tell him what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.  I cant wait! I’m in tears just thinking abt it! Kyo was punished enough! time for happiness!

Side Notes:

While I’m impressed with tohru’s growth, as they did her justice in this ep, this doesn’t erase that the buildup for tohru’s own journey & trauma was mediocre. There is a reason ppl commented ” omg tohru, you can love your mom AND kyo!. ” Grief is illogical, long process & it sucks that we weren’t allowed to experience tohru’s grief & her mom’s role in tohru’s abandonment issues. Huge lost opportunity that a good conclusion ep cant erase! but like tohru, I’m moving on ~

The path of growth for kyo will start by rejecting the demon: his dad. No. other. option. Hold abusers accountable for their crimes. Stop their madness. Tell them off.

We know kyo is baka! that’s his trade mark, the endearing baka! a lot of characters in the show think so! I love it, but I’m craving baka-yuki! XD! really, yuki is cool, level-headed & smart, but let him be baka too! this only shows up in tiny microscopic doses, but they’re my fave doses of yuki! it humanizes the “perfect prince”, the “gifted high status rat”! Thus him not seeing kyo running the other side, is my fave look on him! XD.

I appreciate that kyo & yuki put their differences aside when they’re with tohru. You cant tell yuki is hella pissed off with kyo, but he restrained himself. His gaze while full of anger is also full of sympathy as he heard/saw kyo’s panic upon the thought of loosing tohru. He understand they both only mean the best for each other, but also tried they both keep missing each other & not meeting half way! Also, yuki being the only one in the hospital is realistic & endearing. No need for them all to be there & yuki lives with her & is so close to her.

kyo not being the hospital is fantastic! thank you writer-San! why would kyo go to the hospital after thinking his nightmare came true? kyoko /his mom warned him, you’ll hurt another person.. he did.. he didn't cause her fall... but caused her sadness & hurt.

Momiji’s reprimanding gaze is my fave look on him! Also, the best response to what akito did. Akito isnt used to such judgemental gaze. Kureno grabbed her cheeks, gently told her you shouldn't do that, the old maid told her you are right, Dr. Hatori erased her mistakes from ppl heads & bodies, shigure being either cold or kissing her ass, coxing her to yet torment another zodiac in his grand scheme to break the curse as happened in the beach arc.

You bet hana & arisa will be there next ep! Arisa will meet kureno & akito for sure. To path the way for their romance as seen in the ED.

Shigure’s “remorse” is a whole can of worms. Playing with ppl’s hearts & feelings to gain someone’s affection is no laughing matter. Each time blood is shed, he contributed somehow. he didnt force anyone to hurt the other, but he played with matches & never got hurt.

Shigure must be glad akito stabbed kureno. Not cuz he’s sadistic or bad person. He isn’t, but cuz akito stabbing kureno is akito cutting her bond with him. Go shigure, your girl removed her lover with blood. Kureno is punished for sleeping with ur girl by blood! so, when is ur punishment for sleeping with ur lover’s mom? none? ok.

The animation is good. They didnt villinize akito by drawing extra manic features like se02. Kyo’s broken & tormented face once again epicly drawn. However, akito’s slaps on tohru’s face were comedic, unnecessary & such bad taste! Stop using violence for extra drama, furuba!

Also, tohru, I love you, I understand you are broken but charging at a person, who has a history of violence & physical abuse & holding a knife, is stupid. No other description. I’m glad she didnt accidentally kill you in her initial rage.

Everything akito’s redemption, kureno & shigure are part 2 in my review.

[serpentstole]

I’m pretty sure Lady Eve is reaching out to work with me. Do you have any tips about working with her? Like, any offerings or the like?

- Lia

My relationship with Eve is new, but I'll try to answer this question as best I can regardless.

To Start!

If you haven't already (as I've no idea about your experience level or skill set) you may want to gain more practice in your divination method of choice, or learn one. I approached Eve officially while practicing tarot, and becomes of how that went I've come to associate her a good deal with the Queen of Swords and Queen of Pentacles, as both featured very prominently in that early divination. I've also used the Empress card as a makeshift idol for her before as I've yet to set up a formal shrine/altar. I enjoy how laden with imagery and associations tarot can be when using it for communicating with my deities/spirits, but if you have an alternative method you prefer, there isn't really a wrong choice. I once did a series of questions with Lucifer that involved using Paradise Lost for stichomancy, and I still got some pretty clear answers concerning things like what to do with offerings when it came time to dispose of them.

I bring this up since what works for me might not work for you! While many gods, famous major spirits, and saints popular in folk magic have common associations, those with less written about them or less historical veneration in a magical practice can be a bit trickier to narrow down and a little less consistent. For example, silver is very popular among Satanists/Luciferians when building an altar (perhaps because of its nickname "the devil's metal") but I find warm gold tones far more appropriate to my own practice. However...

Offerings!

For some broad ones, I of course associate Eve with fruit, and if you are working with her in a sense that celebrates her "temptation" or her partaking in the Forbidden Fruit, there are few better ways to celebrate that than with fruit offerings (in my opinion at least). Apples are an obvious choice, though there's enough debate over the true identity of the fruit (if it has a mundane equivalent) that you could pick one you favour, feel more drawn to, that's in season, etc. Grapes, figs, and pomegranates are my own favourite alternatives that some have made a case for. Even mushrooms have appeared in historical depictions of Eden, specifically amanita muscaria, which excites me greatly as someone interested in fly agaric's esoteric properties and potential as a plant ally. However, I would never encourage you to handle any plant you're uncomfortable with... or worse, unfamiliar with. For me, as someone with an intense interest in veneficium and the plants associated with it, the appeal is doubled. My Dionysian side also makes the pomegranate and fig appealing, which are much easier to source and physically handle.

I also tend to associate her with flowers, and I think flowers from a tree that bears fruit would be especially nice. And by that logic, woods that come from those trees could be very appealing for any tools or beads you might need. If you enjoy planetary magic, you could mull over what celestial bodies best suit her and use that to help you pick herbs. This is admittedly something I'm still figuring out, as I've found her associations don't come as quickly to me as others have. I suspect it'll come easier with time, and the role she takes in your life will likely have an impact on what planetary nature you associate with her.

Things to Consider!

The divination I did when approaching Eve included questions regarding the role she was going to take in my practice. If you haven't already, you might want to try do the same. We're admittedly in a rather opposite situation: I'm mostly pretty sure that I approached Eve, rather than having her show an interest in me in any way, while you're feeling an obvious draw. I was shown a lot of indications that it would be one of clear communication, unbiased judgement, relief from my fears and anxieties, and a relationship that would provide warmth and support my future success. This is delightful to me since I am working with other deities/spirits that have rather grueling lessons in mind for me, so having a reassuring presence in the form of a very even and maternal spirit was welcome.

If you're being approached for a specific kind of work, meanwhile, she might have something magically or personally in mind for you that you'll want to try and determine. If this is Eve as a Witchmother, for example, the temperament and intentions she shows you might be a little less gentle than what she's shown me so far. Spirits and deities can be complex and have different facets of themselves they show at different times, so it would not shock me to learn that the Eve others know is far more ambitiously minded, pushing for forward momentum, and as happy to teach maleficium as she would be to answer prayers for protection or healing.

To Conclude!

While all of the above is a mix of my own experiences and what I've read, what's important as you begin this new relationship is figuring out some line of communication with Eve... or any other spirit or deity that might come knocking. It definitely gets easier with practice, I promise. Two years ago I would definitely be the one asking this question rather than having any answers to give. Best of luck!

[song-of-oots]

Fuchsia Groan: my (un)exceptional fave

A while ago a friend of mine was asking for people to name their favourite examples of strong female characters, and my mind immediately leapt to Gormenghast’s Fuchsia Groan because it always does whenever the words “favourite” and “female character” come up in the same sentence. In fact scratch that, if I had to pick only one character to be my official favourite (female or otherwise) it would probably be Fuchsia. There are not sufficient words in the English language to accurately describe how much I love this character.

The issue was that I’m not sure Fuchsia Groan can accurately be described as “strong”, and until my friend asked the question, it hadn’t even occurred to me to analyse her in those terms… 

Actually this isn’t completely true; Mervyn Peake does describe Fuchsia as strong in terms of her physical strength on multiple occasions. But in terms of her mental strength things are less clear cut. She’s certainly not a total pushover, and anyone would probably find it tough-going to cope with the neglect, tragedy and misuse she suffers through. In fact, this is something Mervyn Peake mentions himself – whilst also pointing out that Fuchsia is not the most resilient of people:

“There were many causes [to her depression], any one of which might have been alone sufficient to undermine the will of tougher natures than Fuchsia’s.”

Anyway, this has gotten me thinking about Fuchsia’s other traits and my reasons for loving her, going through a typical sort of list of reasons people often give for holding up a character as someone to admire:

So, is Fuchsia particularly talented?

No.

Is she clever, witty?

She’s definitely not completely stupid, and her insights occasionally take other characters by surprise, but she’s not really that smart either.

Does she have any significant achievements? Overcome great adversity?

Not really, no.

Is she kind?

Yes. Fuchsia is a very loving person and sometimes displays an incredible sensitivity and compassion for others. But… she can also be self-absorbed, highly strung, and does occasionally lash out at other people (especially in her younger years).

So why do I love Fuchsia so much?

Well, I’ll start be reiterating that I don’t really have the vocabulary to adequately put it into words, but I will try to get the gist across. So:

“What Fuchsia wanted from a picture was something unexpected. It was as though she enjoyed the artist telling her something quite fresh and new. Something she had never thought of before.”

This statement summarises not only Fuchsia but also the way I feel about her (and for that matter the Gormenghast novels in general). Fuchsia is something I’ve never really seen before. On the surface, she fits the model of the somewhat spoiled but neglected princess, and yet at the same time she cannot be so neatly pigeon-holed. It’s not just that her situation and the themes of the story make things more complex (though that is a factor); Fuchsia herself is so unique and vividly detailed that she manages to be more than her archetype. She feels like a real person and, like all real people, she is not so easy to label.

Fuchsia is also delightfully strange in a way that feels very authentic to her and the setting in general (which is particularly refreshing because it can all too often feel as though female characters are only allowed to be strange in a kooky, sexy way - yet Fuchsia defies this trend).

She’s a Lady, but she’s not ladylike. She’s messy. She slouches, mooches, stomps and stands in awkward positions. Her drawing technique is “vicious” and “uncompromising”. She chews grass. She removes her shoes “without untying the laces by treading on the heels and then working her foot loose”. She’s multi-faceted and psychologically complex. Intense and self-absorbed, sometimes irrational and ruled by her emotions more than is wise, but also capable of insight and good sense that takes others by surprise. She is extremely loving and affectionate, and yet so tragically lonely. Simultaneously very feminine and also not. Her character development from immature teenager to adult woman is both subtle and believable. She has integrity and decency – she doesn’t need to be super clever or articulate to know how to care for others or stand up for herself.

Fuchsia is honest. She knows her own flaws, but you never catch her trying to put on airs or make herself out to be anything other than what she is. She always expresses her feelings honestly.

She’s not sexualised at all. I don’t mean by this that she has no sexuality – though that’s something Peake only vaguely touches on – but I don’t really feel like I’m looking at a character who was written to pander to the male gaze (though her creator is male, I get the vibe he views her more as a beloved daughter than a sexual object).

Finally, I find her highly relatable. I am different to Fuchsia in many ways, but we do have several things in common that I have never seen so vividly expressed in any other character. This was incredibly important to me when I was a teenager struggling through the worst period of depression I ever experienced – because she was someone who I could relate to and love in a way I was incapable of loving myself. Her ability to be herself meant a lot to me as someone struggling with my own identity and sense of inadequacy. It didn’t cure my depression, but it helped me survive it.

What am I trying to say with all this?

I love Fuchsia on multiple levels. I love her as a person and also as a character and a remarkable piece of writing. I mention some of the mundane details Peake uses to flesh out her character firstly because I enjoy them, but also because it’s part of the point. Her story amazes me because it treats a female character and her psychological and emotional life with an intense amount of interest regardless of any special talents or achievements she happens to exhibit. She doesn’t fit the model of a modern heroine but neither does she need to – she’s still worth spending time with and caring about.*  To me the most important things about Fuchsia are how different and interesting and relatable she is – and how real she feels.

* To be honest, this is part of the point of the Gormenghast novels in general. The story is meant to illustrate the damage that society – and in particular rigid social structures and customs – can do to individuals with its callous indifference to genuine human need. Fuchsia is one of many examples of this throughout the novels. These characters don’t need to be exceptionally heroic in order to matter – they just need to exist as believable people. And despite how strange they all are, they often do manage to be fundamentally relatable.

Why am I talking about female characters in particular here?

The focus on “strong” female characters and the critique against that is pretty widely acknowledged. Growing up, I definitely noticed the lack of female characters in popular media and the ensuing pressure this then places on the ones that do exist to be positive representations of womankind – someone girls can look up to. It’s very understandable that we want to see more examples of admirable female protagonists, given that women were traditionally left to play support roles and tired stereotypes. The problem is that the appetite for more proactive female heroines can sometimes lead to characters who are role models first and realistic human beings second (characters who I mentally refer to as Tick-All-The-Boxes Heroines). It’s not a problem with “strong” proactive heroines per se, but rather lack of variation and genuine psychological depth (not to mention a sometimes too-narrow concept of what it even means to be strong).

Male characters tend not to have this particular problem because they are much better represented across the whole range of roles within a story. You get your fair share of boring worn out archetypes. You get characters who are meant to represent a positive version of heroic masculinity (and now that I come to think of it, having a very narrow and unvarying presentation of what positive masculinity looks like is its own separate problem, but outside the scope of this particular ramble). We don’t usually spend time obsessing over whether a piece of fiction has enough examples of “strong” male characters though, because we’re generally so used to seeing it that we automatically move on into analysing the work and the characters on other terms. And because there are often more male characters than female, they don’t all bear the burden of having to be a positive representative of all men everywhere. They exist to fulfill their roles, and often exhibit more variety, nuance and psychological depth. They are also often allowed to be weird, flawed and unattractive in ways that women usually aren’t (which is a damn shame because I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a weird outsider and yet this perspective is so often told primarily through a male lens).

Tl:dr; Fuchsia Groan is a character who feels like an answer to so many of those frustrations that I felt growing up without even truly understanding why. A large part of why I love her is simply because of how much I relate to her on a personal level. I admire her emotional honesty and her loving nature… But there’s also a part of me that was just so relieved to find a female character who exists outside of the usual formulae we seem to cram women into. She is unique, weird and wonderful (but non-sexualised). Psychologically nuanced and vividly written. She isn’t exceptionally heroic or talented or a high achiever – but she does feel like a real person.

Female characters don’t need to tick all the right boxes in order to be interesting or worth our time any more than the male ones do.

[exn0bisstudios]

As a preface: no need to answer if you don’t feel comfortable with it,I know people sometimes don’t like these questions so no pressure if you’re one of them! Who likes kids, who would like to be a parent (if their partner also wanted that of course!), and who is good with kids? Thank you!

Well, firstly, thank you for your concern! I'm okay with these topics so long as it's not about me personally, so don't worry! That said, though, I'll put this under a cut since the topic might be uncomfortable for some people.

CW for: talk involving conception, infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage

Edited 5/16 - Changes to include more inclusive language. My apologies! 

Since we're talking about the ROs and kids, let us talk about MC too for a sec.

It should be noted that it is typically challenging for a Seer to bear children/impregnate someone. The corruption that comes with their Void powers usually renders them infertile, or at least close to. However, it's not unheard of for a Seer to have children. Still, it usually results in a difficult pregnancy and can be dangerous to both the carrier and the child. Additionally, any child born from a Seer (either parent) would be Dream-touched.

That said, as we know, MC is a very special Seer. Canonically, their powers have not rendered them infertile, though their kid would still end up Dream-touched. However, I will be leaving it up to players to decide if their MC can or can't have biological kids for other reasons. And, obviously, adoption is also very much an option!

Now on to the ROs!

Mira

Mira likes kids well enough, and they're usually very good with them. They struggle a bit with dealing with noble children. Still, Mira's kind and empathetic nature tend to have children warming up to them regardless. They used to help take care of the young recruits back at the Order, both daily routine stuff and some training.

They would absolutely love to have a family one day, but it's something they kinda push to the back of their mind and try not to think about. Their lifestyle doesn't lend itself to the stability and safety necessary for raising children, considering they could be killed in action any day. They think it would be grossly irresponsible to have a family, then end up dead somewhere and leave them hanging. Mira was an orphan themself, and they know firsthand how hard life is for kids on their own. They have no desire to contribute to that lifestyle or put their own potential child through that.

If there ever came a time where they could lay down their weapons for good, though, then yes. They'd want to start a family in whatever way they could. Though not opposed to having biological children, both masc & fem Mira would prefer to adopt. Again, being an orphan themself, they would choose to take in a child. Mira would ideally like 2-3 kids so they can have a big family to grow old with, and they'd be a very supportive and doting parent. They'd probably struggle with discipline.

Nova

Children confuse the absolute shit out of Nova, and the way mortals procreate admittedly terrifies them. Nightmares are not born in the same sense that mortals are; they just kinda pop into existence fully formed. When Nova first learned about mortal procreation, they had a minor mental breakdown. The idea of another, smaller living thing growing inside someone strikes them as distinctly horrific. They've done their best to accept the idea at this point in their life, but mainly they cope with it by ignoring its existence. They see a pregnant person and basically go, 'suddenly I have no eyes.' Babies and children continue to confuse them despite their best efforts, and they have no idea how to interact with them. You put a child around Nova, and you're liable to hear them genuinely asking the kid why they are so small and dumb.

Nova's mortal body is also infertile by design. They chose this shortly after they realized they actually enjoyed sex and would do it again. They don't know if it would be possible for them to become pregnant/impregnate someone, considering they're not actually mortal. Still, they didn't want to risk it.

The only time Nova would consider starting a family is if it was something their partner(s) really, really wanted. They'd sit down and have an honest talk about how it's something that they know nothing about, that the process scares them, and that they are absolutely going to need help learning how to handle it all. But, if their partner is willing to accept all that, Nova would be willing to try. Though again, they don't know if they can procreate with a mortal, so they'd probably recommend going for a surrogate or adoption. Eventually, Nova'd grow into a good parent, very supportive, and surprisingly level-headed.

Stella

They don't have too much of an opinion on children, which shows in how they don't really know how to interact with them. Stella feels super awkward around kids, and they're more likely to tell them to shoo. Their own childhood has tainted their views, and being around children brings up things they'd rather not think about. Honestly, the fastest way to make Stella disappear is to put a child nearby.

Deep down, though, they like the idea of starting a family. It would take a lot of encouragement to get them to admit that. It'd take even more to help them process long-ignored family-related trauma and unlearn a whole lot of unhealthy habits. With the proper support from their partner(s), though, they'd really like to give things a try. Fem Stella wouldn't mind carrying a child. Still, both fem & masc Stella generally don't care if their kid is biological or adopted.

Stella would make for a very nervous parent, and they'd be absolutely terrible at discipline. They'd probably helicopter and be overprotective and would have to be reminded by their partner(s) that things will be okay.

Désiré

So a bit of history: Dez is one of the only two ROs who already has child-rearing experience. His best friend and second-in-command, Alix, was born and raised in the brothel with him. While he grew up to be an errand boy and bodyguard, she became one of the courtesans. He took up smuggling and worked his ass off to get them out of there, but unfortunately, Alix became pregnant before they could escape. Alix's son, Dimitri, was born in the cabin of the first ship Dez ever owned.

Alix eventually married Catarina, the crew's healer, who has acted as Dimitri's other mother. Thus, while Dez is 'officially' Dimitri's uncle, he has always been his only father-figure. Dimitri is 14 by the time of the game and is still a very active part of Désiré's life. You'll actually get a chance to meet him in-game since he's got a place on Dez's crew (he's the cabin boy)!

Now that history is managed, it's safe to say that Désiré would love to start a family one day. It doesn't matter to him how, though going the biological route, let it be known he's excellent at tending to pregnancy needs. He's a wonderful parent, generally gentle while supportive and encouraging, and is comfortable being stern when it's called for.

Vittore Simone

Sadly I can't get into the specifics of Vittore Simone's thoughts on kids and family without it becoming a spoiler. However, I can say that he vowed when he was young that he'd never have kids and has never thought of it since. Going forward, it would never be something that crossed his mind unless brought up by his partner and would be something he'd defensively refuse at first. Later, he'd come back with apologies and to have a more open conversation on the matter to express his reservations and fears.

Suffice to say that the idea of being a father absolutely terrifies him, and he has always taken great pains to avoid it ever happening. Even just the thought is enough to send him into panic attacks. His partner will need to be patient with him and accept that this is something he may genuinely never be able to do for the sake of his own health and any future child's. It would take a lot of time, reassurance, work, healing, support, and understanding before Vittore Simone ever agreed to give parenthood a shot. It will not be an easy road for him or his partner. It would likely be a road that never truly ends, and he'd need to be sure that they can both accept that without damaging their own relationship. He would try, though. He would do his damnedest. And, thankfully, there will never be any doubt that he genuinely does love his kid.

As a father, initially, he would constantly be terrified he was hurting his kid somehow. He would struggle with being overly permissive & overprotective at the same time. He's liable to have a panic attack any time the kid cries for the first several years. His partner will have to help him get through 'I'm a terrible father, this was a mistake' breakdowns periodically. Slowly, though, he'll build some confidence and be more comfortable interacting and expressing himself with his kid. He'll always be supportive, and he'll work his hardest to be sure his family knows he loves them unconditionally. His partner will have to accept the role of disciplinarian, though. That's never going to be something he'll be able to do on his own (but of course, he'll be there to support them in those conversations. He doesn't want to make them the 'bad guy' by any means).

Andrai

The other RO with child-rearing experience! Andrai has 15 younger siblings (yes, you heard me correctly) and absolutely adores them all. They're all grown now, but he loved taking care of them when they were little, and he still dotes on them whenever he can, in his own way. In general, he loves kids. He just thinks they're adorable. And, despite appearances, he's excellent with them. Kids love this man, they flock to him, and he has no problem with that. It confuses most onlookers.

The idea of starting his own family turns him to absolute mush. And, he'd love to, so so much. Adoption, biological, and surrogacy are okay with him. It would be up to his partner to limit exactly how many kids they have since Andrai would just say he wants them all. He makes an excellent dad, albeit quiet, and is unwaveringly supportive. He's comfortable with discipline and is the type to encourage self-assessing behavior. He's excellent at giving advice and genuinely just likes spending time with his kids and being involved in their lives.

He's probably not the one you would peg as the 'domestic bliss' type, but he absolutely is.

Vzridmi

She's very comfortable with kids since communal rearing is very common in ork communities, and she'd love to have a family one day. Some kids unused to orks might find her a bit intimidating just because of her size, but in general, children think she's fun to be around. She doesn't necessarily think about it too much, though, at this point in her life. It's not something she sees as being on the table for quite some time - she has research and exploration to be doing, after all.

Whenever she was ready to settle down for a family, she'd be comfortable with carrying a child herself, surrogacy, or adopting. She would really like to have at least one biological child if possible, though. She would make for an entertaining mother, excited about her child's life and ever-supportive of their interests and pursuits. She's comfortable with all the aspects of child-rearing. Still, She would definitely need her partner's advice if they ever discovered their kid was dealing with bullying. She'd need to be reminded by her partner not to be overprotective - she's not above threatening others with her war-hammer if they upset her baby.

[swanlake1998]

Article: Ashton Edwards Talks Gender, Pointe Training, and Ballet’s Future

Date: February 1, 2021

By: Charlotte Barnett

Ballet has always had a complicated relationship with gender. In the classical roles we watch on stage, men play princes and heartbreakers who leap high in the air and take up entire stages with large, masculine steps. Women play tragic characters: swans who die, village girls who go mad from heartbreak caused by said heartbreaking princes. Their steps are light, quick, and on their toes in satin shoes. And, though created hundreds of years ago, these templates of traditionally gendered classical roles still inform how young dancers are trained. Boys are taught to jump, turn, and lift girls above their heads. Girls are taught more spritely, elegant steps, and around the age of 12 or 13, they go on pointe.

Classical ballet is notoriously slow to greet modernity, but with Gen Z now reaching professional age, ballet companies and schools may soon be forced to reckon with the demands of this unapologetically diverse generation.

Ashton Edwards is one such young dancer challenging the rigid gender norms of the art form. In their second year as a Professional Division student at the Pacific Northwest Ballet, Edwards, who uses she/he/they pronouns, is training in both pointe and in men’s classes, with hopes for a completely gender fluid career in their future. 

Observer: Tell me about how you got your start in ballet.

Ashton Edwards: I started when I was four years old back in Flint, Michigan, where I’m from. We had field trips through my school, it was called Super Saturdays where local public schools would get to try all the different arts – instruments, acting and dancing –  and if you had some talent, you would get a scholarship. So I went to the school of performing arts starting at age four, started doing strictly ballet when I was 6, and then I got very serious about it at 14 when I went to my first summer intensive. I went to PNB’s summer intensive in 2019, then I became a PD when I was 16 for the following year.

Observer: Had you done any pointe before you got to PNB?

Ashton Edwards: I just started a few months ago, actually. I borrowed some shoes from my friends. A few friends my age had fallen out of love with dance and had all these old pointe shoes laying around, so they gave them to me. Then over the summer and through quarantine, I was just trying different things with them, learning steps from all my favorite ballets. And then I reevaluated my life – what I wanted to be, who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my career. I couldn’t find a reason why I couldn’t dance all the roles I wanted to dance. Male and female.

Observer: Wow, from what I’ve seen it looks like you’ve been wearing pointe shoes for years – how many months exactly has it been?

Ashton Edwards: I remember, because I was taking a lot of photos at the time. It’s been since March 20th of last year.

Observer: That’s incredible. How did it feel putting on that first pair, what was the adjustment period like?

Ashton Edwards: When I started actually dancing with them, it became more natural. But at first, putting them on and just standing on toe, I would always just say it doesn’t feel like ballet, it felt like a circus act. Like I was on stilts. 

Starting out, I connected with a lot of different dancers – so I got to know a lot of PNB company members. Just talking to them and my friends about pointe work was really helpful and I got a lot of insight on the technique and training that I needed. I studied a lot, working every day, sometimes twice a day, just to make it feel more natural and to catch up to a professional level.

I should add that I trained with women at my old studio, up until I was 16. I had mostly female teachers who really honed in on my basic technique. Everything technical that they taught me balanced my training overall, so the transition to pointework wasn’t so drastic.

Observer: How did you initiate that conversation, to officially join pointe classes at PNB?

Ashton Edwards: Luckily PNB’s Artistic Director, Peter Boal, and PNB School’s Administrative Director, Denise Bolstad, are really accessible to the students. I shot them an email about how I was interested and that I wanted to see what was possible. And from there the conversation started. They started me in a Level 8 class to see how I would do, but now I’m going into a more hybrid schedule where every other day is a PD men’s day and then a PD women’s day. Quote-unquote “women” and “men”.

Observer: You must be totally exhausted, sounds like double the work.

Ashton Edwards: With our schedule, since we’re not performing and rehearsing with the company… well, actually I am so exhausted, ha. We now have three classes a day – normally it’d be two, a technique class and a men’s class or, for women, pointe class or variations. Now we have a third class, so a second technique, variations, choreography, or modern class. It’s the same amount of work, just different every day. So the men have a couple of men’s classes a week and the women have a couple of pointe classes a week. I’m just getting more of both.

Observer: So you started with your friend’s pointe shoes, have you bought your own shoes since then? I’m sure you must be going through a pair a week at least.

Ashton Edwards: Oh yeah. I had my first fitting in August when I started training officially. Since then, I’ve gone through quite a few. I’ve yet to find my perfect pair – I don’t think I will until I join a company and can customize them. I’ve come pretty close though. It’s been interesting, mostly with the width of the shoe. I also have unique feet – they’re really flat when they’re on the ground but when I go on point they shrink an entire size from a 7 to a 6. So it’s been interesting to find a shoe that isn’t too baggy or too tight.

Observer: How are you taking care of your feet these days after your pointe classes?

Ashton Edwards: I ice every day. Then an Epsom salt bath, a hot shower, a heating pad, then I’ll stretch and roll out and do some foot massages. It’s not just the pointe work, it’s also the men’s jumps and pirouettes and everything – I have to try and maintain my body as much as I can.

Observer: Have you felt that your pointe training has affected other areas of your dancing?

Ashton Edwards: I feel a lot stronger in every sense, actually. In general, my fifth position and my turnout feels stronger. I feel a lot more technical and more mindful in my dancing, it’s made me a lot more aware of everything. I would recommend everyone to try pointe and for women to try men’s training. It’s made me a more well-rounded dancer.

Observer: Looking to the future, I know you’re in the midst of that stressful crunch time of company auditions, how do you see pointework incorporating itself into your career?

Ashton Edwards: I hope this will become more of a normal thing. Right now, auditions are the trickiest part, because normally women do the women’s steps and then the guys come onto the floor to do the guys’ steps. It’s a conversation, a dialogue I need to have with each director that comes in to audition us. And as for what I would want my career to look like, I want to do everything – male and female roles. It’s different for everyone, I know some born-male dancers who only want to do female roles. It should be up to everyone what they want to do, but I know that I want to do everything. That’s become a big priority in my career. I would be open to only doing male roles but it’s just not what I really want.

Observer: It sounds like it would be such an asset to a director to have someone who can be thrown into any role, regardless of gender.

Ashton Edwards: I think it also adds to choreography and opportunities for new ballets. I think it could really bring ballet to our time – what people are and what our generation is becoming.

Observer: Do you feel a shift happening in ballet towards more gender-fluid casting?

Ashton Edwards: It’s not happening quickly. Not nearly as fast as I would like or as fast as our world is changing. But I think minds are opening. I’m really proud to be a gay man and I see members of the queer community opening their own companies and making their own opportunities, but in your traditional classical company you still don’t really see it happening. But I’m feeling hopeful for the future.

[sepublic]

Dana Terrace AMA (Part 2)

Lilith dyed her hair to appear more intimidating! I won’t deny her curly hair definitely is very friend-shaped, so I can see why! This does give me hope that now that Lilith is no longer in the EC, we’ll get to see her hair become frizzy again… Given how Dana went out of her way to make a contrast between the wilder appearance of younger Lilith, VS present-day, and I think it’s something she’ll return to now that Lilith is a Wild Witch like her sister!

As suspected, Lilith and Amity are rather cold and distant… Which makes sense, they parallel Luz and Eda, but they also contrast the pair! Especially when you look at their personalities, I can’t say I’m shocked… ESPECIALLY after Amity telling Lilith to ‘shut up’, and Dana confirming that Amity lost a LOT of respect for her teacher after Covention! Which makes me more scared that Lilith didn’t do anything to vouch for Amity to the Blight Parents, so YIKES… You’ve got a lot of explaining to do Lily, and I hope you and Amity can properly connect and heal in Season 2! Especially now that you’re on your way to becoming a decent role model for REAL this time!

We know that Camila (which is how Dana spells it which when combined with Enchanting Grom Fright’s credits, leads me to consider this THE official spelling) will sometimes buy Luz manga novels of her favorite series, but usually only on holidays or because of a good report card! Awww, why can’t you let Luz enjoy herself more? Like I get that you’re probably struggling a bit financially is a single, working-class mother and also have incentive of wanting Luz to not be ‘distracted’, but this hits close to home given how it reminds me of somebody else I know with ADHD…!

(Also, Luz would trace Hiromu Arakawa manga, which means that Dana has likely seen Fullmetal Alchemist, which means it’s very possible that Belos and his castle took cues from Father and that is a VERY validating revelation for me! They really do have that killer aesthetic, man…!)

Amity’s hair IS dyed and naturally brown, like her father’s… Which confirms more or less that those kids in YBOS are the Blight Parents, and also confirms Amity as a full-blooded Blight! Not to say I was right, but I was right… Mrs. Blight had Amity dye her hair green like hers to be color-coded, which is sickening as-is. Like, are Emira and Edric dressed similarly because their mother encouraged it? That’s a scary thought…

Regardless, if Amity DID rebel a little by choosing a more Azura shade, it seems Mrs. Blight doesn’t really notice or think much of it, because we know this lady will go far when it comes to getting what she wants and if she feels her kids are disobeying her! This also adds more credence to my belief of Mrs. Blight having been the one born into the family, while her husband married in as an outsider… It makes sense she’d have this kind of control in the family, more prominence given to her VA, and the ability to control their children on a visual level, especially if Green Hair is a Blight signature! I have to wonder what Mr. Blight thinks of this… Goodness, can you imagine if his wife made him dye his hair green, too?!

Dana alluded to the Blight Parents having more depth than we might suspect, which… YES, but also she says that Mr. Blight was fun and ‘interesting’ for her? I’ve speculated in the past that he seems a bit more chill and apathetic compared to his wife from the childhood flashback, and based on what we’ve seen from Understanding Willow…

I have to wonder if maybe Mr. Blight is someone who was caught underneath his partner’s abuse as well? Maybe Mrs. Blight also began controlling him, and he sort of just learned to go along with it and accept this…! I wonder if he also has ideas about needing to live up to the Blight family name, as an outsider and as his wife’s husband… And how that might be reflected in him repeating that ‘Blights only associate with the strongest of witches’ to Amity, like he speaks from experience! It’s conceited he calls himself strong in this sentence, but at the same time…

Given the implication that Mrs. Blight holds more power and was able to prioritize her looks in their children over her husband’s… I have to wonder if Mr. Blight is just someone who’s also resigned to her abuse, as a person fully-indoctrinated into her beliefs of superiority and having to set an example that pleases her! He gives me vibes as more straight-forward, like an enforcer while his wife has that more manipulative, mastermind vibes to her… Goodness, are we going to have to rescue Mr. Blight from his wife too?!

There is neither an end nor a beginning, there is just HOOTY… Nobody knows if he’s made of wood or flesh (which implies Eda didn’t make Hooty, just ‘taught him’, and not much), his true nature is deeply upsetting and a major spoiler, AND he apparently has an evil twin named Booty!

Amity is a jock! This is no shock, but Dana also alluded to her being ‘punk’ to impress others but not being comfortable, and… This GIRL, let her know she’s loved for who she is!

Dana confirmed that Bump’s imp on his head is named Frewin, and that he has a purpose…??? Maybe he’s a seeing-eye demon in the literal sense, or covers an exposed brain…?!?? I don’t know. We’ll just have to see, but for now it at least indicates that Bump IS the dude (as implied by Dana’s past art) and we’ll learn more about him, so neat! Bump is a cool and underrated character in my opinion, and I look forward to more of Frewin!

Witch Gems! Dana confirmed that they’re just a fashion thing like necklaces, and that Eda’s wasn’t originally meant to indicate anything… But then Dana realized it was a good visual indicator of her curse and went from there! It seems ‘Hearts of Stone’ is just metaphorical… I have to wonder if in-universe, Eda’s gem functions like a mood ring in that it’s a handy visual indicator of how bad her curse is getting! That alone furthers the disability metaphor, which I REALLY like!

(I have to wonder why we haven’t seen any male witches with chest-gems, is this one of the few gendered things that the Boiling Isles has? Give Edric a chest-gem, I know he’d wear a dress and rock it! Do the same for Jerbo, too!)

Dana also said that should Season 3 be approved (they’re still writing the end of Season 2 people!), we might get a birthday for a cast member! So… SHOW YOUR SUPPORT, give live ratings to this show people c’mon!

Luz is Amity’s first big crush, to nobody’s surprise… You can tell from the way she acts around Luz that this is somebody who’s shown her more unconditional love and patience for who she is than anybody else in her entire existence, that it’s an almost alien feeling to Amity… and while it’s sad she’s never had someone so accepting of her in her life before, it’s also heartwarming to see Luz provide so readily and unconditionally! No wonder Amity is smitten…

[rosesgonerogue]

How to be a Dad 101

Chapter Four - Villain AU

Jasonette July Day Five

Masterlist

“Marinette, Alya is here!” Sabine called up the stairs.

“Thanks Maman, I’ll see you later!” Marinette called back, launching herself down. Sure enough, her best friend was waiting for her at the bakery’s front door. “Nino isn’t with you?”

“He’s helping Chris get all of the kids settled, the sucker,” Alya said, though Marinette couldn’t tell which Lahiffe boy was being called the sucker.

“Are we sure that Chris can handle all the kids at once?” Marinette asked, admittedly nervous.

“No,” Alya said matter-of-factly. “But Nora is going to drop in on then to make sure everything is okay.”

“But are you sure? I just feel bad, you know Jules has been biting. Maybe I should—”

“If you were going to finish that sentence with ‘stay with the kids,’ I will strangle you, Marinette. I love you girl, but it has been three months since I’ve gone somewhere and not taken a diaper bag with me, and I know it’s been way longer than that for you. Give me tonight.”

“Okay, okay, I get it, Alya,” Marinette said, holding up her hands. “I will leave things in Chris’s questionable hands.”

Alya softened a bit. “Look, I get it. Next time we’ll try to plan for a day when Manon is available, she’s really good with the kids.

“Deal. So have we heard if everyone is going to make it tonight?”

“Almost everyone. Adrien and Kagami might be a little late? Rose has a fundraiser she has to be at tonight, but other than that I think we’re a go.”

“Wow, it’s been a long time since we’ve all been together like this,” Marinette said. “It’ll almost feel like old times.”

“It sounds like Max is finally letting us meet his wife. I think Kim has a running bet on whether or not she’s a robot.”

“Kim is still on that? He’s probably just jealous that Max beat him to getting married even though he hasn’t known Camille very long.”

“Hold up girl, you know Max’s wife’s name?” Alya demanded. “Spill.”

“It was nothing much, I only know her because I made her wedding dress,” Marinette said, pausing at the sidewalk corner. “Do we go left or right?”

“Right. But how did you not tell me this?” Alya demanded.

“Even though we’re school friends, I still have to maintain a certain level of professionality. I can’t go tell Paris’s most promising reporter about one of the world’s most promising computer programmers personal life. Besides, Max really wanted to surprise everyone,” Marinette said, smirking. “The dress was one of my finest creations yet.”

“Fine, I suppose I can’t compromise one of the world’s most promising young designers,” Alya huffed. “But she has good taste? This gets more mysterious by the moment.”

“So who picked the place this time? I know we’re trusting Chris with the kids, but you know how Kim gets when we go to his bar, and I don’t know if I trust Chris to watch them all night because we got a little tipsy or something.”

“Well, it is at Kim’s bar, but don’t worry, he’ll be too distracted by Max, so we won’t even be tempted by all of the free alcohol. Besides, you always seem like such a pro at resisting temptation.”

Getting to Kim’s bar didn’t take long, even on foot. Once there, a good portion of their high school class yelled greetings from the back of the bar.

“Alya, Marinette! Good to see you, but where’s Nino?” Kim asked, opening the door for them.

“He’s helping Chris get the kids situated, he’ll be here soon,” Alya said, hugging the muscular man. “Is Max here yet? I hear we get to meet the wife.”

“Yeah, she’s way out of his league,” Kim said, jabbing a thumb towards the corner of the bar.

As much as Marinette had complained, she couldn’t help but smile upon coming into the bar. Kim had fallen into the role of bartender easily, amusing his patrons with tales of akumas and the Miraculous team – although tales of King Monkey were definitely the most popular. It was a clean, warm space, decorated with murals and framed newspaper clippings about any akuma incidents involving their class.

“You must’ve been desperate if Chris is babysitting,” Adrien said, sidling up next to her. “Manon was busy?”

“She had a study group,” Marinette said, bumping his shoulder with hers. While she considered Alya her best friend, Adrien still was, and always would be her partner, the black cat to her ladybug. He knew her mind in ways that no one else ever could. “You caught me. So what do you think of Max’s wife? I think she’s absolutely adorable.”

“Marinette, you knew about Max’s wedding?” someone yelled, positively betrayed.

“I think it’s time for s to join the others, but for the record I completely agree with you.” Adrien offered her an arm to escort her to the rest of the group. “By the way, Kagami says hello.”

“How is pregnancy treating your lovely wife?”

“Oh, the normal. The cravings, the irrational anger, average pregnancy-type things. The last time I mentioned you she nearly skewered me with a fire poker and told me that if I spoke about any other woman that way she would kill me where I stood. After that she cried for a few minutes because she missed you.”

“It sounds like I need to pay her a visit,” Marinette said brightly.

“So we’re just ignoring the part where my life was in danger, typical. I should have known that you would side with her,” Adrien pouted.

“You can complain to me when you’ve been pregnant,” Marinette said, patting his cheek.

“I’d like to think I’m a fairly decent husband, so I would say I’m allowed to be a little offended by threats of homicide.”

“No, that’s just pregnancy,” Nino said, his version of a grand entrance. “The more violent they are means you’re taking good care of them.”

By this point they’d gotten to the larger group, and Max’s wife, Camille, a sweet, auburn-haired woman, brightened. “Marinette, it’s lovely to see you again!”

“Wait, you really did know about this too, Marinette?!” Kim demanded.

“Client confidentiality, Kim,” Marinette said with a wicked smile. “Rose can’t make it, so everyone is officially here, Camille.”

“Oh, perfect,” she said, clapping her hands. “Max and I have an announcement to make!”

“Don’t tell me you’re already having a kid!” Alix groaned. “All of you are making it even more sucky to be single right now.”

“We came to invite you to our wedding,” Max said, pushing up his glasses.

“Excuse me, what?” Chloe asked.

“What we did before was just a little ceremony in England for Camille’s parents. Did you guys really think I could get married without all of you?”

There were a few beats of silence before chaos erupted. Kim had Max in a headlock while at least three of the girls were asking Camille about wedding plans. Nearby Alix was still sulking about being single.

When everyone settled down, Mylene said, “We’re getting old, aren’t we?”

“I’m going to die alone,” Alix lamented.

“We’re still in our twenties,” Marinette reminded her. “We’ve got time.”

“But if you’re still single how do any of the rest of us stand a chance?” she demanded.

“Oh yeah. Sometimes I forget that Marinette is still single because of the whole…” he waved his hand, indicating things he couldn’t put words to, “… situation.”

“Exactly!” Alix spat. “She’s perfect, she makes a perfect mother, and she’s handling everything better alone than any of us can with a significant other! I’m doomed!”

“But Marinette is still looking, just like you, Alix,” Mylene pointed out. “She just did things a little out of order.”

“And I’m not perfect, I promise you,” Marinette said with the weariness that could only be a product of parenthood.

“Is Jules still in a biting phase?” Sabrina asked.

“Unfortunately yes,” Alya said with that same weariness.

“Since we’re on the topic, what was the baby daddy even like?” Kim asked. “We haven’t heard much about him, and from what little I’ve heard, I can’t help but picture him as one of those old cartoon villains twirling his mustache and preying on young girls.”

“Villain works. Although I would have called him a lying, scheming—” Adrien cut off, glancing at the young parents he was situated between, Marinette in particular was known for body-checking people if they used any sort of questionable language regardless of if there was a child present, “-scheming meanie pants,” he finished lamely.

“It’s okay, Adrien, this is a safe zone,” Alya said, patting his shoulder. “You can tell them that Jason is a bastard.”

Nathaniel inhaled sharply, choking on his drink. “Wow… I just… What would you say about him, Marinette?”

“I wouldn’t call him that,” Marinette said, ignoring Alya and Adrien’s protests. “Really, I had no misconceptions about the way things were. We never gave each other our numbers, or even our last names. Something bigger than both of us brought us together, and I don’t regret it. If I’m lucky, maybe it will bring us together once more.”

The class fell silent until Alix groaned once more, burying her head in her arms. “I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE!”

Taglist: 

@jasonette-july-2k20 @ira-sairain @myazael @pawsitivelymiraculous @nik-nak-3 @dast218 @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm  @vixen-uchiha @momothefemur @toodaloo-kangaroo

Note: 

I thought this chapter would barely meet the word limit I’ve set for myself, but that was not a problem. If you want to be tagged, or if I forgot to tag you, just leave a comment below. Also just leave a comment below regardless, I’ve been helping my family move all week and I need something to keep me sane. In all reality, though, I write like this mainly to improve my skills as well as get feedback on them, so I appreciate any comment you send my way. 

This story is also really different from what I normally write. Despite the premise, it’s WAY more slice of life than I’ve ever done long-term like this, so I especially want to hear your reactions on this! 

[swanface]

-kicks down your door- tornface all of them because I know you will for him

✨ initial thoughts / opinions

i've said it before, but when i was initially starting to get a glimpse of tornface, i thought he was forgotten elegy's big bad. all the art i'd seen of him seemed to imply that he was a villain, and he had a pretty notorious reputation even upon joining the group that made me think he was perhaps a bit problematic.

and like...yeah, i guess he is technically problematic, but as soon as i actually got to roleplay with him, i was immediately surprised. he was far from what i expected, not even a little bit the brutal bad guy i'd imagined him to be. i was really quickly fond of him, and that fondness has not faded!

🍁 favorite rp / moment

i have two to spare, one more self centered and another that just makes me go heart eyes at him. the first favorite roleplay is the one where he spoke to roseface (rosepaw then) after the reveal that she'd been spying on mountainclan. the two of them finally getting to reunite as friends made me beyond happy, and i feel like it was a super important moment for them both. he asked her during that roleplay whether she thought scoutstar was capable of changing, of being a good leader for timberclan, and i imagine roseface's support of her helped lead to her promotion. there are also just so many brilliant quotes from him within it, like when he talks to her about how killing changes you...or how it should. part of what he says there actually ties into my next favorite roleplay of his, because he discusses how he chose to spare coalstar at little pond.

that's my other favorite tornface moment because of how much growth it displayed. coalstar's death could have easily been justified in that moment, and given his history with her, he had very little reason to show mercy. given what happened at that battle, it might have been "better" for her to die. still, tornface choosing to let her live was incredibly important in the grand scheme of it all. he chose to stop more blood from being shed during a battle that ended in the loss of so much life. he chose to let coalstar walk away, and that altered both the course of the roleplay as a whole as well as his own personal track of development.

❄️ favorite quote

i can't go prowling through timberclan channels or else i'd probably pull something from the story he told roseface in their first interaction, so, beyond that...i am still so fixated on another quote he had with regard to her, back when he first learned she had gone to mountainclan.

"I wish I could make good on my offer to train you, but,” his muzzle turned up, revealing another fresh scar beneath his chin, gaze wistful as he watched the passing of the clouds, “I can’t teach you how to hurt my clanmates.”

there are so many good tornface quotes, ones more complex than that one, but i still remember it because of how simple and tragic it was in the moment. it also really just displays his character so wonderfully, how he is capable of caring about cats from mountainclan, but how he has to keep them at a distance. his clan is the most important thing to him, before anything else.

🌸 favorite relationship dynamics

huh, i wonder if my obsession with tornface and roseface's friendship shows in just how much i've mentioned them already.

okay, but really, beyond those two (who i obviously love), i think one of my favorite dynamics tornface has is with scoutstar. watching tornface go from basically ready to maim scoutstar for what she did to flurrypaw to the way he is now, ready and willing to trust her (at least as much as he can, given how many cats he's had walk out on him lately) is really special. they're not exactly perfectly suited towards being friends, but they both share a lot of similarities in how they're perceived (as "monsters" or villains, most often) and how deeply they care for those around them.

☘️ relationship dynamics with the most potential

any relationship at all! tornface is such a fascinating character, and regardless of whether or not he gets along with someone, i think every cat should meet him. he has a fascinating perspective to offer on clan life to any loners, and i also adore the unique dynamics he has with mountainclan cats. i miiight be a bit biased though.

more specifically, i'd love to see hosea and tornface talk. hosea is really doubting clan life currently, understandably so, and hearing from a cat with as much experience in it as tornface might help to make him feel slightly more at ease. i think tornface would be fond of hosea, too, as a fellow cat who would sacrifice just about anything for his family. they both seem to be the sort to shoulder the burden so that no one else has to feel it, and i'd looove to see them link up some day soon.

🌲 who I ship them with

i do hope for tornface to find love someday, but as it stands right now...no one, really? his failed romance with wolftalon is interesting and probably by favorite dynamic of the bunch, but i truly do think tornface deserves to move on from it. every other cat within his age range doesn't feel like they'd quite mesh, at least not as things stand. i imagine hemlock would drive him crazy, and rooster would likely do the same, especially given he's now taking lessons and advice from beetleheart. one day we'll find the perfect boyfriend for him, though. one day.

🍄 cross-clan ships

i was ready to say his only option would be rooster, but typing about hosea above made me realize that he's actually a viable candidate...and probably the only one tornface would tolerate. i doubt he'd ever be willing to commit to a cross-clan relationship fully, though, simply because it would likely end in disaster for the mountainclan half of the relationship. i don't think tornface would willingly ask someone to endure that; he'd just invite them to come to timberclan with him.

☀️ ideal friendships

tornface and hosea, as i've said. rufus plays them both, but tornface and lynx would be comical. i also think that a friendship between him and wildfire would be sweet...as for the new timberclan loners, from what i've seen thus far of them, i think he is developing a bond with stinger, which is also something i am 100% in support of.

🌈 something I want to happen in their character arc

i want him to live a very long life. do you hear me, rufus? i want him to be over 100 moons. i want him to be safe and unharmed.

on a similar but less joking note, i do think that retirement would be a good conclusion to his arc. a sweet one, though he might not be afforded it. he deserves to rest after serving his clan for moons and moons, especially after all the energy he has invested into supporting timberclan...and mountainclan, honestly! his bond with cats like redpath and roseface matters, even if he's not well renowned otherwise.

anyway. retirement. imagine tornface, old and graying, telling all the best elder stories. the kits flock to him and decorate his den and nest with all sorts of trinkets. he's the oldest cat in timberclan, the last to remember tales that have faded into obscurity, and his clan finally gets to take care of him in the same way he has taken care of them.

🌼 alternate name

sort of in line with the next question as i'm imagining names as per the mountainclan naming guide...i think bear- would be a suitable suffix for him, or something like ram- as a callback to the whole "animal with horns / antlers" motif. elk-, even, could work. alternatively, name him tiger-! give him the vibe of the broad shouldered brown tabby villain i was so certain he was.

bearclaw, ramclaw, elkclaw, are all good, at least as far as non-name change options go. i also think he would make for a good -throat cat by mountainclan standards, or a good -path. bearpath sounds nice. elkthroat...so many options!

if we're going for the same name change idea, though, another alternative to tornface could be tatteredface...or tatteredeye? cloudedeye as well. sooo many name thoughts, so little time.

☁️ alternate clan au

mountainclan tornface is certainly wild to think about. if he'd been in mountainclan throughout the events of the roleplay, i think they would have played out considerably differently. i imagine he would have stood up against the idea of taking moonpaw and archpaw when it occurred, and perhaps he could have played the part of an antagonist within the clan for coalstar specifically. imagine having to argue with one of your senior warriors nearly constantly. it would have damaged her reputation further, i imagine.

if he had been in mountainclan, too, i think he would have likely been one of the cats to assist in iceshadow adapting to life there. maybe he'd have better feelings on behalf of lichenfang, and could have helped him similarly to how he helped glassflower with moonpaw.

🍃 alternate rank au

not an official rank, per say, but as i mentioned in the naming concept for him had he been a mountainclan cat...storyteller tornface would be so fitting. he's already one, technically, just by timberclan standards instead. he'd fit into the role perfectly...i still think about the warm bison story.

🌺 warrior ceremony virtues

compassion for those in need, selflessness / readiness to sacrifice his own well being for his clanmates...bravery, however basic that is. generosity, too, though i suppose that fall in line with compassion. i think something to honor the hardships he's been through would be good, too, like resilience.

⚡️ who would give them lives

he just said he would never let tornstar see the light of day, but...tackling this question less on the front of utilizing already dead cats, more on the concept of just going for cats who'd want to give him a life in general as i am sorely uneducated regarding deceased timberclan cats. roseface, first of all, because i am selfish and she loves him. she'd give him a life of friendship and understanding. another mountainclan cat i'd consider would be redpath. maybe a life for the love a parent has for their kits? scoutstar, i imagine, especially if she had to die in order for him to step up...wolftalon, however tense or complex that would be. bisonheart, definitely. houndfang and mooseheart, for sure, at least if they were able to, and moonpaw (though the thought of her giving him a life is heartbreaking) would also be good candidates. for a final one, i just think inkpool would be funny. she'd be reluctant, i imagine, but would also probably recognize that he does care for timberclan despite their differences.

[obsidian-aurora]

Why I feel so sad for Xiao Zhan for winning the Weibo King award again in 2021

Right now you might see a lot of people spreading the fact that Xiao Zhan won Weibo King again with joy and happiness.  I can only personally feel sadness and regret.  Because when I look back at the year 2020, and what Xiao Zhan went through, Weibo had a big part to play in that story.  They took advantage of his pain to make money and profit from it.  They did little to stop what was happening because to them it was traffic.

His fans who left the 85 million votes for him for Weibo King probably weren’t thinking about what Weibo means to Xiao Zhan.  They weren’t thinking about how Xiao Zhan disengaged from the platform completely, moving his small interactions over to Oasis and Douyin to escape the toxicity inherent in the conversations taking place on Weibo.  All that they were thinking was “We want to show him how much we love him!”

Well you know what I think is love?  Listening to your own idol’s words.

Let’s take a small journey back through 2020 and listen to Xiao Zhan’s own words on what he wanted his fans to do this year.

I won’t rehash 227 itself - if you want my take on that event, then I’ll write another blog post about that, it being almost a year I’m probably finally reaching a point where I can discuss it rationally without bursting into tears remembering my own personal experience with it.  But rather, let’s take a look at what happened after 227.

On March 1, Xiao Zhan studio issued their first official statement.  What did they say?

Recently, we have noticed some controversies about Xiao Zhan fans, occupying some social public resources, and also causing trouble to everyone. We deeply regret and apologize for the impact of this incident. We are very grateful to all fans for their support and love to Xiao Zhan. At the same time, we also sincerely call on all love to be positive, and hope that everyone can chase stars rationally. While doing a good job of self-protection during the epidemic, we will work together in a more positive way and support things that bring positive energy to society.

On April 24, Xiao Zhan said something and his studio reposted.

@X玖少年团肖战DAYTOY What’s past is past, I’ll remember it by heart.  Thank you for all the criticism with good intensions, I’m working hard to improve.   

Xiao Zhan Studio April 25th 00:03 #肖战新歌光点# The light spot moves towards love. Please listen, @X玖少年团小战DAYTOY 's voice. ♥

And again, Xiao Zhan studio.

Xiao Zhan Studio April 25th at 14:27 Thank you for your love and support for Mr. Xiao Zhan and his works. In this studio, as always, I solemnly appeal to everyone to continue to take care of their study, work and life at the same time, and to distinguish the truth and not blindly follow in the thousands of voices. Thank you for your wise support. Every love, no matter how big or small, is a meaningful point of light, gathered together to form the most beautiful light.

When He Jiong was attacked, Xiao Zhan jumped in to say:

@X玖少年团肖战DAYTOY Sorry to disturb everyone, don't hurt others!

Xiao Zhan Studio April 27, 15:04 Please stop slandering and spreading rumors!

He gave his first interview after 227 on May 6.  He expanded upon the statement he made on April 24 when he said he was working hard to improve. He spoke about the controversy, the responsibility he feels as a public figure, and his desire not to control his fans but to guide them to do positive works like participate in charity that improves society.  He felt like as an artist, his role was to continue to improve his acting and his singing.  

“As for the people who love and support me, I hope they won’t do some extreme things, or hurt other people, or even hurt themselves.  I hope that they can protect and love themselves, and live their lives well.  Live their lives well.”  “And if it’s possible, outside of school and work, we can do things together to help others and contribute to society in a meaningful way.”  “I think charity is a part of an ordinary person’s social responsibility.”

Again in May, following a controversy when a teacher recorded her classroom cheering him on, Xiao Zhan was forced to make statements encouraging his fans to live their lives well.

@X玖少年团肖战DAYTOY Please listen to me carefully again! I hope everyone puts their studies, work, and life in front of star chasing. Study hard and work hard. Do your responsibilities and obligations, and abide by professional standards and industry bottom lines. I don't need help.

Xiao Zhan Studio May 10 at 23:26 I hope everyone puts their work and life first 🙏

Xiao Zhan Studio May 11 at 21:14 Starting from us, we hope that each of us can do things that are beneficial to society and be positive.

A school is a temple of knowledge, a place for preaching and teaching, not a fan factory for celebrities. Children's education is related to the future of the country, and the development of youth values is related to the hope of the nation, and it must not become a tool for chasing stars.

Furthermore, over the course of this time period Xiao Zhan Studio met with the organizers of his official fan organization and they rebranded the Fanclub to Xiao Zhan Film and Television Support Club to emphasize their goal to focus on his works and his works only.  They released a statement with their intent and called on all members to do the following:

Xiao Zhan Studio May 15 20:01 If you see the good, you will move, and if you have, you will change. Start with me and work hard together. 1. Do not support business and works with behaviors beyond our own economic capacity. 2. No more activities such as ranking, controlling and appraising and cheering. 3. Accept all well-intentioned criticism and don't maliciously attack others. 4. Continue to actively participate in public welfare advocacy. 5. Focus on Xiao Zhan's work such as film and music.

Take particular note here of the specific call out not to participate in activities such as ranking (like the Weibo King votes).

In July, when his own fans were accused of cyber bullying others again, Xiao Zhan studio released a statement saying that they would defend any victim of cyber bullying, even someone bullied by his own fans.

Xiao Zhan Studio June 30 at 21:42 No matter who is responsible for his words and deeds, we support all those who are suffering from cyber violence or personal attacks on the Internet, and bravely take up legal weapons to protect themselves. Regardless of who’s a fan, taking legal measures is a legitimate behavior 

@易胜华律师 Recently, some netizens posted on Weibo that they had suffered online violence for publicly publishing criticisms against Mr. Xiao Zhan. Entrusted by Mr. Xiao Zhan, we issued the following lawyer's statement: We welcome all kind criticisms and reminders, and resolutely oppose and resist all cyber violence. No matter who the cyber violence is directed at, it is an illegal act and should bear corresponding legal responsibilities. We are willing to provide legal assistance to the above-mentioned parties who have been violated by online violence, and we are also willing to provide assistance within our capacity for their rights protection operations. Yi Shenghua Lawyer Wang Xiaoyan Lawyer June 30, 2020

In July, Xiao Zhan and Xiao Zhan Studio met up with representatives from Weibo to discuss the cyber bullying that he had been subjected to this year.  But was this at Weibo’s own desire to clean up their platform?  No.  This whole time Weibo was profiting from every hot search that drove more traffic to their platform.  It was the Cyberspace Administration of China that DIRECTED Weibo to clean up their mess.

Over the years we have seen Weibo ban accounts from time to time that are so blatant with their cyber attacks that they have no other choice.  But often they will wait until stars pursue legal action before doing so.  And they will only release the real-world IDs of users when under a police investigation pursuant to a lawsuit.  I’m not suggesting the platform should start doxxing its own users, but rather ban all malicious and slanderous behaviour from the outset.  Right now under Chinese law anyone with over 30,000 fans who says slander against another can be pursued by the law.  Weibo should act before it needs to come to that.

Chinese Star News did an interesting video on Fanquan culture and the ways in which Weibo profits from it.  If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth a watch.

Ever since the summer, Xiao Zhan has been very careful and direct in all his public interactions.  Most of his events were pre-recorded.  Only at the end of the year did he start doing live events again, and when he was surrounded by friends he was okay, but as we could see from the recent iQiyi event when he is without friends around him he still struggles.

April 12 - Hymn of the Red Plum Blossom (pre-recorded)

May 6 - Interview with China News Service (pre-recorded)

May 9 - Bamboo in the Stone (pre-recorded)

May 10 - Mother's Day live stream (live) (unannounced) (no fan interactions)

June 11 - Xiao Zhan goes to do agricultural charity activity (pre-recorded)

June 15 - Xiao Zhan releases summer cocktail video (pre-recorded)

Aug 17 - Xiao Zhan RoseOnly live stream (pre-recorded)

October 19 - Xiao Zhan at Shanghai Reading Film and Television event (pre-recorded)

October 25 - Xiao Zhan sang Brightest Star in the Night Skies (pre-recorded)

Dec 20 - Xiao Zhan attends Tencent Awards (live) with friends around him

Dec 31 - Xiao Zhan attends New Year party (live) with friends around him

Jan 15 2021 - Xiao Zhan attends iQiyi Scream Night (no friends) (does not look happy/comfortable)

It must have been SO hard for Xiao Zhan to continue to work behind the scenes in 2020, recording his new show Ace Troops, attending some events in secret, shooting some advertisements that he wasn’t sure would be able to make it to the air - and some events that got leaked and then had his portion cut out.  It must have been so, so hard.

So to me, the least that we can do as fans is to listen to what Xiao Zhan has asked of us.  And over and over again he said that all he wanted from his fans was for us to live our lives well.  To not do extreme things.  He wants things to go smoothly.  He wants to take his time, to choose his events carefully, and come back at his own pace.

So what do his fans do?  They massively vote for him to win the Weibo King award.  This has put him in an impossible position.  

Either he needs to decline the award, and face criticism from everyone about being arrogant in a year that he should be grateful.  Or he has to suck it up and show up to an award hosted by a platform that did little to nothing to help him when he was in pain, and instead in fact profited from his pain.  

He will have to put a smile on his face and say thank you for recognizing that I was a high traffic star last year, even when the majority of his traffic was due to cyber attacks.

Why would his fans put him in this impossible position?  Back when this award was first announced, his own major fan club leaders requested fans not to vote for Weibo King.  If you wanted to vote for anything, then you should vote for his acting role in The Wolf, because that was about his professional work - not for Weibo King, which is literally like an award for Prom King.  It’s a popularity award, nothing more.

Will Weibo King help him to come back faster?  No.  Will it make industry leaders want to sign him on for more TV and film works?  No.  Speaking from experience working in the industry for many years, the only thing that industry professionals care about is ratings on the shows that are produced.  And Xiao Zhan cannot rely on his fans alone for ratings.  If his ratings are going to continue to increase, then he needs to attract the respect of a wider audience.  And if that wider audience is already of the impression that Xiao Zhan is a loose canon because his fans are out of control, this massive over-rating of Weibo King only reinforces that belief.

Just look at this graph.

Xiao Zhan fans are posting it with pride, saying look how well we did!  Xiao Zhan trounced the competition!  But the reality is that all other stars’ fan groups had also instructed their fans not to vote for this award, because they all see it for what it is - a popularity contest that can hurt more than it can help.  Xiao Zhan winning by such a large margin only shows how little his fans listen to him.

Now instead of Xiao Zhan deciding for himself when and where to come back, what events he wishes to attend, he’s going to have to make an appearance at this awards show and slap a smile on his face and say thank you.  

Thank you Weibo, for profiting off my pain.

It makes me sick.

If you voted for Xiao Zhan in this award, take a moment to think about Xiao Zhan’s words for your future behaviour. 

Live your lives well

Don’t do extreme things

Don’t spread rumours

Accept criticism and don’t attack others

Don’t protect me

If you can, do charity and help others

If you are following your own idol’s wishes, then I salute you.  You are the type of fan Xiao Zhan will cherish.

[helpimstuckhere]

PART II

+chapter 22 analysis

(and don’t worry you don’t need to read anything else to understand part II:D)

good humans, greetings:) since latest chapter was translated, as promised here’s the part II of my previous post. i listened to Just a Ride by Rishloo on the loop while writing this and i completely recommend it! please feel free to comment and give me feedback, it always broadens my horizons to interact with you people :D first, let’s talk about the latest chapter, which i’m glad i waited for. such a short chapter wears quite the weight.

if i were to dissect chapter 22, there would be three main parts

1-hibino and yamato

hibino not letting yamato kiss him made me quite happy for the guy, since self respect somehow doesn’t seem to exist in many of the other works in the same genre. and also, him calling yamato uncool wasn’t really uncalled for considering the situation. i actually didn’t think much of it until the same thought was repeated two more times, then it became a full-on attack lmao. (i think jackverglas also pointed this out!) mostly to show yuiji finding that uncoolness likable and not disappointing like hibino seems to believe it is. the panel below might be the most obvious example of that, the way yamato says hibino isn’t happy with yamato’s true self and answering “it’s fine” when nacchan asks if that’s actually okay with him seemed truly heartbreaking to me. someone that could make you happy, nacchan said. that’s someone who likes you as you are and in this situation, hibino sadly doesn’t fit the criteria.

but rather than that the main purpose behind the first couple of pages were to create conflict. yamato, who’s in love with the idea of love in general is now desperate to the point he falls into the pit of so called modern day romance. he’s quickly trying to separate his romantic feelings from yuiji, forcefully trying to switch them onto somebody else, anybody else but yuiji to be exact. yamato’s side of the story is thus concluded and the responsibility for their relationship seems to fall on yuiji for now. while yuiji figures himself out, his ticking time with yamato should also be one of the reasons that makes him move. after all conflict itself is created to make progress. where there are problems, there are also changes.

2- nacchan and yamato

here’s nacchan being an absolute angel:

this time nacchan’s feelings for yamato seemed to lose their control over her. she was able to properly support him as a friend and didn’t seem disheartened by the news. maybe her romantic feelings toward him are slowly withering but of course that’s far from certain considering her personality. nacchan is nice to the point of naivety at times. right now, she knows the whole situation the best. from yamato’s feelings towards yuiji to why he decided to work things out with hibino, she sees clear as day that yamato’s going through a lot. nacchan seems to support yamato’s idea, probably thinking he doesn’t really have a chance with yuiji. so that could also be why nacchan’s romantic feelings doesn’t seem so obvious, since she’s concerned with yamato’s issues before all. she’s the type to put others before herself after all, but still isn’t yuiji supposed to be the same when it comes to yamato?

then, for an example here’s how different yuiji and nacchan’s reactions are to the ‘good news’ yamato had to offer. if nacchan is the one who’s in love with yamato why do their reactions seem to be so drastically different in the opposite way around?

these pictures kinda speak for themselves so i’m shutting my trap and leaving it up to your interpretations lmao

3- mayu and yuiji

the last part’s purpose was to close the door to yuiji’s past relationship with mayu and to open a new one heading to his future. their relationship is officially concluded for sure this time, as them being friends (which deserves an enthusiastic yes. yes to a healthy relationship!)

in the panel above, mayu talks about something yuiji has been worrying about for a while. she adresses an issue that maybe happened a while ago, and maybe it wasn’t talked about after their arc. but it’s an issue that exists regardless. in yuiji’s mind, they didn’t have a clean break-up at all, did they? when they were breaking up, the sentence that hit me the most was “i’m slowly hating the idea of love itself”. a way of thinking that’s simply enough to make one avoid romance in general, especially for a person like yuiji. this concern of his was never addressed after his arc with mayu (until now) but that doesn’t mean it ceased to exist. it simply wasn’t too obvious since yuiji’s focus was mostly on yamato’s hassles and to be fair, it’s been a while since we last witnessed his thoughts at all. this is why i loved how with mayu’s reappearance, those old books were reopened. a tiny detail maybe, but it made the whole story come together while also giving it a new life. her advice is also quite meaningful within itself. the best way to solve a problem is to directly go to the cause of it, but in this case, the cause, mayu came to him. not to make everything harder but to actually help him solve his inner issues that he had after their relationship. in that regard, her words hold the most power. and what she chose to say was that every person is different and thus every relationship also differentiate from one another. one bad experience doesn’t mean shit if in the end, he manages to find the person who’s right for him. but who is this ‘right person’ guy and do we know him?

so um, well we’ve been played in this part... i’m sure there are some posts as to what has been said here, i avoided those to come up with an opinion of my own. but still, there’s no clear-cut idea that comes to mind.

there are 3 criteria she stated

1-like someone who you can really like

2-you think things through to the point you over analyze so loving you is a bit hard (find someone who can love that side of you)

3-since you think things through, ......... i hope you can find someone like this

it’s most probable that she didn’t randomly mention something that didn’t have anything to do with her previous statements and thus those sentences play an important role. to explain where i’m coming from i’ll first focus on the first two conditions. the thing is, both of them are pretty straightforward about pointing to yamato. “like someone who you can really like” gives me flashbacks to the 8495 “i like you” lines we’ve got in the first 22 chapters. yuiji quite clearly enjoys yamato’s presence, his existence eases his mind and the way he’s open about his feelings makes yamato unproblematic for yuiji even though he’s basically ‘problems’ with legs and an ability to speak. “you tend to over analyze so loving you can be a bit hard” not much to say about this when that over analyzing part of yuiji is what yamato needed the most. to be fair, considering yamato likes calm and quiet types, there doesn’t seem to be one thing that he actually dislikes about yuiji’s personality. can’t say the same about his face though lmao. not the small and cute type at all...

for plot purposes the third condition is probably also related to yamato, and it should be more straightforward to the point it had to be concealed for now. it either a. makes yuiji understand his feelings for yamato or b. makes yuiji want to do something about his feelings that he’s already aware of and both of them results in yuiji finally starting to move. after all, while the first part of chapter 22 was to create conflict, the last part is to make progress using that conflict.

as for what she actually said, a lot of theories could be formed but i feel like whatever i say would be quite baseless no matter how hard i try. still, i’m pretty sure that’s what people expect to see the most so let me try my best for you guys. i cannot physically come up with more than two theories though... be aware that i’m diving into this blind and with no previous planning whatsoever so expect some bullshit lol

1

so for this one to actually work we need to make a lot of assumptions. the biggest one being, “yuiji isn’t sure about his feelings yet but he noticed the slight changes in yamato.” then we could make it work just barely. what mayu basically said was “since you think things through you should like someone who you really like” and “i really think you think things through. that’s why ..... i hope you can meet someone like that.” he should find someone who he really likes because he thinks things through, so shouldn’t he also find someone who really likes him for the same reason. something along the lines of “since you’re this way, you need someone who really likes you as well. i hope you can find someone like that.”

as to how i reached this conclusion, as i said the sentence should be an obvious hint at yamato in my opinion. if we make the assumption of yuiji being aware of yamato’s feelings, their conversation as a whole leads them to yamato. the guy who yuiji really likes, the guy that accepts him and really likes him as well. also hearing this from mayu plays quite an important role. it’s something big enough to make yuiji, who already has feelings for the guy, think a relationship with yamato is possible. knowing the way yuiji is, i’d say someone liking him is enough for him to consider that person as a love interest. he isn’t a hopeless romantic like yamato after all. that person being a male complicates things for sure, but with yamato’s existance around him the idea of two guys being in love probably doesn’t seem so unordinary to him anymore. that would also explain why that line was censored by the school bell. since it would directly hint at yamato’s feelings being known to yuiji. which is an info that should be confidential at this point????? i’m definitely spouting nonsense am i not lmao. i could probably point out around 7 things that doesn’t really make sense but i’ll just ignore my inner turmoil and focus on the positive for once in my life

so i do think yuiji knowing about yamato’s feelings is quite possible. i can’t really imagine him ever making a move without being sure of the other sides feelings towards him as of yet, or even noticing his own feelings to be exact. also with the way things are, yamato doesn’t seem to be the one who makes the final move. this is why i thought this theory (barely) made sense. with mayu as well, yuiji’s main focus was the feelings being mutual. “she liked me and i liked her so we just casually started going out.” the pronoun changing of course makes things more complicated but in the end of the day it doesn’t mean shit. what stops it from being “he liked me and i liked him so we just casually started going out.”?

2

and this theory completely depends on the translation lol. after mayu said [redacted] she also added “i’m not in a position to say this. given how you thought our relationship became a hassle”. when i first saw that blank space this was the first thing that came to my mind: “someone who you really like as a friend before a lover, i hope you find someone like that.” as i stated before, this is also something that directly points at yamato, as the close friend figure who yuiji feels really comfortable around. but a friend figure who could also develop feelings for him. and also, it would explain why mayu thought it wasn’t her place to say what she said. because even though they were friends first, their relationship still didn’t work out. but it wasn’t only yuiji’s fault, she continues, it was her fault too. that could be to reassure yuiji, after all they were friends too, maybe just not as close as they thought they were.

this is kind of a reach as well. she’s probably saying “it isn’t my place to say” purely because they’re ex-lovers but hey i’m absolutely stuck and i had two clues in mind lmao. and that was me considering the bell to not go on for too long (this isn’t a sports anime where they fly in air while scoring and somehow have a monologue for a whole episode lol) so my logic said she could only squeeze in a single sentence that was an absolute headshot. if i somehow manage to regain my dead braincells, i’ll be sure to come up with something else that actually makes sense:D

YUIJI

“i wish i were a guy. then yamato could fall for me.” after a pause, with such a sad expression too, yuiji refuses. most times, things that aren’t said mean much more than the ones that are. what kind of sentence fills that silence, i keep asking myself. is it him, thinking it’s inconsiderate to talk in such a way after all yamato went through? did the possibility of yamato actually having feelings for him strike after nacchan pointed it out?

or is it because he himself is now questioning what he’s feeling for a guy friend, that he refuses after a pause?

for a while there’s been one thing i was sure of and one that i wasn’t so certain about. i’m almost sure yuiji likes yamato and i wasn’t certain if he knew this himself. as i mentioned before, i was suspicious of him already noticing his feelings when in chapter 21, his general reaction to the whole confession was just out of the ordinary and the behavior he’s shown afterwards is way touchier than the usual though i still think i’m over analyzing that part lol. the fact that he’s got a whole conversation in this chapter to make him start moving, yamato deciding to give hibino a chance for sure and us not seeing yuiji’s thoughts at all for a while now only seem to support the fact that he knows. and also, unless mikeda causes a major shitshow that suddenly enlightens yamato to go and confess, that responsibility also seems to fall on yuiji’s shoulders as of now. that guy doesn’t seem like the type to confess two minutes after he figures out his feelings though. at this point i think he knows that his feelings seem to be different from before but he just isn’t sure about what he should do about it.

being interested in both genders, especially in a more conservative country usually leads up to a heterosexual lifestyle. many, including me, chooses the easier way out. when you can lead a so called ‘normal’ life where you’re accepted by the ones that are around you, choosing otherwise is just a hassle. but then again the heart wants what it wants. acceptance doesn’t guarantee happiness but a relationship with love doesn’t guarantee it either, at that point you measure your circumstances and decide for yourself. and that’s what i think is going through yuiji’s mind right now. yuiji seems to be interested in what makes a person rather than their gender. he wasn’t really able to differentiate between the two genders from way before, treating both women and men the same, which mayu didn’t like. he’s someone who questions if a straight guy could accept dating another guy (which means that isn’t exactly a straight guy lmao). just the prejudice causing him to accept that as a possibility while still wanting to remain ‘straight’.

i think yuiji knows a lot more than we think he does. that’s what i’ll stick with.

and as for the less serious part of this post

let me over analyze to my heart’s content lmao

here’s yuiji’s reactions to yamato being yamato over the chapters. in the first occurrence he’s simply surprised, at this point he isn’t blushing and only is taken aback a bit. while in the second stiuation he’s blushing a little but he’s still uncomfortable and leans back trying to get away. as for the last one, rather than being taken aback and changing his postion, he instinctively touches his cheek while blushing. more than uncomfortable he seems surprised even though yamato’s action is way more daring than before.

here’s yuiji single-handedly defeating inner homophobia, not having very straight thoughts, going thorough quite the excessive feelings that make him want to take revenge in yamato’s place and deciding to go watch gay porn the day he notices the existence of a gay guy for reasons unknown... what a guy lol

and so that concludes it, this post had too broad of a topic and to not make it too long a lot of things were cut (it clearly didn’t work) next time i’ll be more specific with my themes lmao

thank you so much for reading this far, take good care of yourselves and as always feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions! love you all :)!