#I’m fine just feeling a little sad
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one day I’m actually going to grab everything I went through last year and pour it into a raritwi breakup fic where they don’t get back together and I don’t do my usual thing where I hint there’s hope for them
And I think that will probably be a very emotional and good fic but also it’ll probably be incredibly crushing more than anything Ive ever done so honestly maybe we should all be grateful I haven’t written it yet
#I’ve been listening to JP Saxe’s ‘A Little Bit Yours’#and i can feel it clawing at me#‘all i do is get over you and I’m so bad at it’#‘maybe if I’d said the right things it never would have gone this way’#‘but maybe that’s the problem cause I still kinda think it was up to me’#‘when I never could have made you stay’#rarity moves away from ponyville because everything is twilight#and she sees twilight just lock it out block it out put it away in a box and move on#and rarity can’t#and she tries#and tries#and a thousand miles away#in the dark of the night#the silence staring her down#she has to live with the idea that twilight got over her like that#that twilight probably already let go long long ago#and yet rarity is there knowing still she’d kill if twilight asked her to#and there’s no victory in that#no poetry or muse#no beauty#it’s just sad and pathetic and a masochism and so self centered#to cling to the hope that twilight still loves her or needs her when she knows it’s not true and it never will be#and the element of generosity wonders when her core got twisted#when generosity and caring and giving became erasing yourself for some pony else#and maybe one day it’ll stop#maybe one day she’ll be fine#but for now#she quietly makes peace with a simple fact#that even if twilight sparkle isn’t hers anymore and never will be again#at least for now rarity is still a little bit twilight’s
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Rat Grinders:Don’t do anything to the Bad Kids until antagonized, and it’s later revealed that their bad actions were a result of being groomed by one of their teachers for years and then murdered and possessed.
Intrepid Heroes:Fuck you, sending you to hell and you can’t be revived.
#I love the Intrepid Heroes#but I feel like they’ve been confirmation biasing their way into dealing the Rat Grinders#just because Kipperlilly was a little bitchy after their response to her calmly introducing hersel was to be racist towards her#I love this season but it really is starting to feel like the season of missed points and lost potential#the bits are amazing#the fights are amazing#the NPCs are amazing#and the Intrepid Heroes are at the top of their game!#but I feel like they’ve repeatedly sacrificed the long term quality of the plot for bits and running gags#and in normal dnd that’s fine of course!#but this is a serialized tv show that you’re making for profit#idk if this made sense#but yeah#still one of my top seasons of D20#but the Rat Grinders especially have so much potential that has been missed#just for a running gag about how they suck#this is not meant to be hate btw! just constructive criticism of the show#I feel like the moment it all started missing for me was when Kristin signed up to be president#that whole scene just reeks of missed potential#Riz’ entire arc feels incomplete without it#same with Kipperlilly#and the whole mirror match thing is thrown off entirely#also Kristin being focused on the presidency means we lose out on a lot of her religion building arc#and her need to take on actual responsibility and do the “uncool shit#I love the season characters and players so much#but I can feel lighting in a bottle waiting just around the corner and I’m sad we missed it#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20
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my urge to remake my rose reading list is constantly at war with my urge to do nothing forever
#i could fix her (my own list that i made myself and could fix at any time)#it’s fine as is but it would be different if i made it now#not drastically different. but different.#first of all i don’t like how i organized it#second of all there were some issues i didn’t put on it and i KNOW why i didn’t include them. but i’m so sad they’re not there#like the issues of rose getting kidnapped in ds91. they’re not on the list bc rose does very little in those#and it’s a rose list and not a lili list… but i really like what lili’s up to in those……….#plus i feel like i was too harsh with some of the tt03 issues i didn’t include#i’ve actually tweaked the list multiple times since i first posted it but it’s always been just minor changes#idk 💔 perhaps once i get through all her elseworld appearances i’ll just make a full list of Everything
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*grinding my teeth*
No I don’t need a partner… but what if I wanna be a little unhinged about my interests and cuddle someone and get a little kissy or two and have someone willing to let me talk their ear off for a second and then let me listen to them talk about whatever they want cos I want to hear them talk about something they’re passionate about and maybe fall asleep together while we’re chatting because we’re comfortable with eachother and don’t want to be away from eachother :(
#wren.rants#I need to make a better effort in finding someone I’m so fucking lonely in the /romantic(ish) way#like I’m ace spectrum so I’m soooo fine with some sort of queer relationship that isn’t stereotypical#but it’s so fucking hard to find anyone and I’m so worried I’m boring as hell#and that my inability to drive is a hella turn off and that because I’m not like#rich yet or whatever I’m just undesirable as a partner#it’s so fucked that I feel like I need to be more financially stable and shit before I even look for anyone when I’m just sad I can’t have-#some sort of closeness to anyone and haven’t had that for nearly three years now#I’m just frustrated man and maybe a little sad I can’t have some intimacy that I’m desperate for at this point#ughhhhhhhh#I need to be obsessed at/with someone man this sucks#anyways feel free to ignore this I’m just sleepy and mad about the fact I can’t just spend my time messaging a partner when I’m lonely#I also feel like I’ve grown distant to people I love online and I’m mad at myself about it I just dunno how to be more present for them….#sighssss#I’ll be fine in a few days I just needed to shout into the void for a sec
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#you can ignore#but i’m#gonna vent a little bc i’ve been feel dowwwwwn#anyways i hate that i correlate my worth to how productive i am during the day#so for work or getting things done around my house or writing#and when i can’t get things done it makes me#really sad#and i’ve been struggling so bad w writing lately and i feel so bad#not just about myself but also like i’m disappointing ppl by not posting#idk i’ll be fine i just feel so off !! sorry#anissa’s rambles ୨୧
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i miss my irls and my cat and my house this is so SICKKK what did i ever do to you, december
#vent ->#i am so homesick i havent seen my friends in forever. i had an incredibly good sunday i was looking forward to the next 2 weeks#and then you make me get FUCKING ARRESTED????#and i’m just so irked and i’m so sad why is nothing going right. don’t i deserve good things!!!!!#of course you do this to me when i’m not dreading school anymore and i’m actually enjoying the company of my new friends#so annoying. i’m just so sad i want to go home#i’d be fine with all of that but then you had to take away even my online buddies like what the hellll#if another person tells me to [ tolerate it for a little longer ] i might just explode in front of them#i just feel awfully bitter and alone and sad#💭
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:(
#my tumblr is abandoned by my silly D:#it makes me a little sad :(#…#not a little#it’s fine though#I’m just scared he doesn’t wanna do anything with me anymore#im scared we’ll lose that close connection#I love being so close to him and making him feel good and recently I’ve felt like absolute garbage every time I want the same#I’m nervous he’s scared of me or doesn’t like it anymore :(#I don’t know what ai’d really do to be honest#I’d*
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I’m literally the saddest little guy on planet earth sobbing and crying and sitting in a little puddle
#ven.txt#I feel like I’m being so annoying and overbearing to my friends#and like I’m being too clingy all the time#and like when we do talk that I’m boring and annoying and#OUGH#i don’t want to ask for affirmation because that feels like I’m being more annoying#I wish I could crawl into a little crack in the wall like a worm and live there forever#I don’t want to need it!!!! I don’t want to!!!!#I want to curl up in a little ball and keep curling even once I’m maximally compressed until I shrink past the size of a marble#and pop out of existence!!!!#and like yes these feelings are temporary and they will pass#but I still don’t like them#and I didn’t used to have this happen!!! it was not always this way!!!#I just think I like them more than they like me :<#and all of that is fine it’s not genuinely something I have an issue with#but I’m just a sadguy right now#having friends and a social life (imagine I’m doing big air quotes when I say those) is very lovely and nice#until it means part of your happiness hinges on what they think of you because you care about them!!!!!#the fact that I love myself stops being enough#which is very frustrating and sad
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my birthday is coming up and I’m just getting depressed the more I think about it because my parents were always conveniently out of money when my birthday came around as a kid, even though they’d always suddenly have money again when it was my older sister’s birthday in september, and the (1) time I got to do something for my birthday (going to an aquarium down the coast) my parents were stressing about money the whole time and guilt tripping me as if I made them take me when it was their idea. and we’re in a tough spot financially right now so I didn’t plan anything and I don’t expect to do much because we don’t live in an area with stuff to do (there’s a bowling alley in the next town over and that’s truly it), and it just makes me sad that it’s still like this. I put so much thought and heart into everyone else’s birthdays and when it gets to mine it feels like I’m just an afterthought. like nothing happens unless I plan it myself. but I feel like if I talk about this frustration it’ll just sound selfish somehow or just be taken that way so I don’t bother.
#g talks#trying not to think about it#but it’s in like 10 days or something#and every time I’m reminded of the date I just wanna cry#I’m so tired of this#I was literally abandoned by my entire family on my sweet sixteen#I had to stay home alone because my mom made an appointment#knowing it was on my birthday#even though she said they gave her other options#and she knew I was mad about it but never cared#and it’s always the same disappointment every year#nothing happens unless I make it happen#and that’s fine#but I’m relying on other income right now#so I can’t just plan things#and it’s too late to do any traveling#and I’m just so tired of being sad about this#birthdays have always meant a lot to me since I was little#and it’s just so unfair that mine means so little#to people that I make a point to make feel special on theirs#it’s probably just a habit for them now#mine#/mobile
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You could post cute pics and get validation from strangers on the internet while you wait.
Fr tho I hope you're doing okay ❤️
What do you think I’ve been doing 😂😘
#haven’t posted in literal ages#and then I post multiple things in the past day or two l o l#your girl wants attention and validation all the damn time!!!#was trying to reblog old content but yall have seen that too much and don’t have the same reaction#I want your mouth to drop and you can’t help but drool from looking at me#that’s my goal 😇#but seriously I’ve been looking at a lot of my rosie content and deciding what’s good enough to post#looking for someone to go through all my content and tell me what are the true gems#so I can post those#it’s actually insane how much content I have#and most of it has never been seen before lol#have this school girl post I’m working on 😇#just working on the cute tags hehe#if you guys are ever bored and looking for something to do#give me attention#and praise#and worship me#pretty please 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#on a real note I should be fine? I hope.#every day is different… today I’m doing my ehhh alright?#but I can’t complain cause some days I feel like death#I’m also lucky I have weed to use as my crutch#I’m just in between jobs right now cause I was trying to get into this dumb program#but now that I’m on a waitlist I’m gonna have to find some sort of income#I saved up some from my last job but that is slowly dwindling away#maybe I’ll do some sort of driving/delivery job#I’m just so sick of working when I know it doesn’t make a difference#I’m going to be poor and broke the rest of my life so who cares#welp getting sad and don’t wanna do thaaaaaat….. also running out of space lol. so gonna smoke the little weed I have left and ignore ignore#ask
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when mitski said I know no one will save me im just asking for a kiss and when she said give me one good movie kiss and I’ll be alright and when she said still nobody wants me and when she said I don’t need your pity I just want somebody near me and when she said
#DONT listen to the evil little creature in your head that says listening to the song that makes you sad after a certain time is fine#you WILL. feel sad.#someone get this song out of my god forsaken hands#I know it’s just bc I’m tired and I haven’t been sleeping well so I feel shitty but god#I’m going to be alone forever huh 😁no one want me 😁#Wish I was a person!! Wish I could act like other people!! I will never figure it out!!!#I was supposed to be a pile of leaves but instead I’m something that yearns for love that probably wont ever happen. Lol. Lmao even#sorryyyy for venting again on main. I’ll be funny again tomorrow#no one look at me🙈#ben talks#personal
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I’m so grumpy that I was too sick to see my friends today :((( it’s like the one fun thing I get to do every week, otherwise I’m just stuck at home or going to the doctor and this is the first time I’ve had to skip this and I’m feeling very bitter abt it
#it’s just like a writing group it’s not a big deal but it is to me!#idk maybe I can ask if anyone wants to meet up again on like Friday#but what if everyone says no! that seems v scary#I think I’ll try to get them to join me and if no one wants to come I can try going to the cafe we meet at by myself#bc I’m a full grown woman and am capable of going places by myself!#I’m just feeling grumpy and sad bc my rabbit died and my roommates leaving and I’m meeting new doctors which I hate#and then I was so sick today and had to take my pills which are giving me really bad side effects#and I just hate that this is my life sometimes#I’ll be fine I just need to be upset for a little bit I think
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i am craving Creative Activity so badly but law school sucked away my spoons to write by myself… so i’m reliant on friends and rp… and all my friends want to do is play overwatch (which i don’t play and don’t want to) or watch tv shows which is fundamentally less interesting and does not scratch the itch….. the adhd gremlins are shredding my skull from the inside out at this point :( send help
#taz talks#i hate that my low-spoons ‘want attention’ activity is a high spoons activity for everyone else and nobody wants to do things with me#i have made a personal resolution that every time overwatch starts being played when i am on a call. i will simply leave.#with or without saying anything#they can figure out why :/#i find no pleasure in watching other people play video games! it is boring! i cannot contribute to that conversation!#it’s fun for a bit to tease them and comment on their comments but i cannot handle it for more than like a half hour before i get bored#or worse… resentful#i don’t watch twitch streams i don’t watch gamer youtube i don’t really even wanna watch a friend stream their game#i don’t care about it it’s boring can we do literally anything else#y’all we’ve been in limbo in the dnd text game for three weeks i have both of you on call can we do things other than overwatch?#answer is apparently No :(#i’m glad they’re having fun and i’m a grown ass adult who is mature so i won’t hold it against them#but i will not lie: i am sad and lonely and a little bit frustrated about it#it feels like pulling teeth when i ask people to rp with me and that makes me sad#if you guys just don’t want to continue the campaign that’s fine but say so
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FLOATY STEDDIE FJEKZJFLEKZ WHAT THE FUCK DIO WHAT. How am I supposed to go on with my day after this. Why are you so good at conveying emotions like I'm breathing them in? God, I love this. I love them. I love how soft they are, their soundtrack, the little fairy lights. My favourite lines: "Steve’s nose is scrunched a little with that smile that Eddie’s not even sure Steve’s aware of, and his dimples tell a story of their own tonight. A story of contentment rather than joy or amusement." But I could quote so many more; the cold breeze from the rain, the way Eddie has to whisper because he can't say the words outloud. "right now it serves to give the word perfect a new melody" hey Dio how. How do you do it? I love this and I love you. Sorry for being incoherent klfzefkz my heart is so full and I'm floating a little myself omg fkelzflez thank you for sharing this with me today!!!!
🌷 the fic: floaty steddie hours
hdhdhdgs EXCUSE ME!!! 🥺😭🤍 i’m!!! my heart is full!! i’m just so happy you liked it??
hugging you so so tight!! thank you for reading, thank you for rambling at me, aaah 🌷🤍
i wish i could answer your questions of how, but all i know is that i just have a whole lot of thoughts and feelings and then somehow they turn into words idk it’s so lame 😭
#when i tell you that over the course of writing this i was suddenly so ✨sad✨ that i can’t just. write fluff?? and had a mild freak-out#about that because like. i like this little one and it’s floaty and that’s fine but damn how do i get the floatiness outta there?? yknow?#idk if this makes sense and i don’t wanna be that person that reacts to compliments and rambles with ‘no but actually—‘ so i’ll shut up but#goddamn 😂😭 ANYWAY AAAH I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT!!! 🥺🥰✨🌷🤍🫶#holding you so tight friend!! 🥹#nice people being nice to me#🤍#i wanna say more thanks i wanna say moooore but i *do* feel like the most annoying person so tag rambles it is 🤓
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i’m back ‘home’ for the holidays so i’m almost certainly about to go through a horrific depressive episode! great! that’ll either mean that i’m on tumblr way way more, or way way less, idk yet lol.
#wren speaks#family is just… idk. l’enfer c’est les autres… but more like l’enfer c’est la famille.#i struggle with being around people at all. but especially my parents. i mean honestly i’m that way BECAUSE of my parents#i watched mommie dearest on the plane and i was like ‘yeah thats normal’ so make of that what you will#i was doing better for like a week or two and then it all came crashing down as this trip ‘home’ approached.#suicidal ideation is normal for me but it went from passive ideation to passive AND active and also more frequent#i mean i’m fine. i’m always fine. i always manage it and i do it alone.#but my point being. coming ‘home’ after the freedom and peace of living alone always hits me hard.#and i guess my meds and therapy are working cause i’m able to FEEL things (when i’m usually too dissociated from my emotions to feel at all)#but feeling things means feeling sadness and anger and the emotions built up from the trauma.#and even feeling happy is so bittersweet though i can’t find the right words to explain why…#um. anyway.#this isn’t relevant idk why i’m rambling on. guess i’ve been told to try journaling so maybe this is a little like that ha.#well i’m okay and i’ll eventually settle in it’s just hard at first. and i have therapy in a few days so it’s all good.
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#my friend is moving to a new state and I was hoping to see her since we never hang out since we stopped living together#and it looks like she had a little going away party and like….didn’t even invite me which…makes me feel kinda lame and uncared about…lol#considering I’ve been trying to talk to her but she doesn’t respond / only really sends me videos on ig#I’ve talked to her bf too and he’s told me to try to initiate stuff and I have!!!! but she is not interested:(#which is fine but her cat is dying and I miss them!!!!! and I’m just sad about a lot in general#and now another reason to be sad is knowing she doesn’t really want anything to do w me anymore#which again I don’t blame her!! if I didn’t have to associate with me I would drop me too ha :) it’s fine I’m just sad sad sad#six months and one week clean but like at what cost I want to feel numb again for the love of GOD
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