#this isn’t relevant idk why i’m rambling on. guess i’ve been told to try journaling so maybe this is a little like that ha.
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i’m back ‘home’ for the holidays so i’m almost certainly about to go through a horrific depressive episode! great! that’ll either mean that i’m on tumblr way way more, or way way less, idk yet lol.
#wren speaks#family is just… idk. l’enfer c’est les autres… but more like l’enfer c’est la famille.#i struggle with being around people at all. but especially my parents. i mean honestly i’m that way BECAUSE of my parents#i watched mommie dearest on the plane and i was like ‘yeah thats normal’ so make of that what you will#i was doing better for like a week or two and then it all came crashing down as this trip ‘home’ approached.#suicidal ideation is normal for me but it went from passive ideation to passive AND active and also more frequent#i mean i’m fine. i’m always fine. i always manage it and i do it alone.#but my point being. coming ‘home’ after the freedom and peace of living alone always hits me hard.#and i guess my meds and therapy are working cause i’m able to FEEL things (when i’m usually too dissociated from my emotions to feel at all)#but feeling things means feeling sadness and anger and the emotions built up from the trauma.#and even feeling happy is so bittersweet though i can’t find the right words to explain why…#um. anyway.#this isn’t relevant idk why i’m rambling on. guess i’ve been told to try journaling so maybe this is a little like that ha.#well i’m okay and i’ll eventually settle in it’s just hard at first. and i have therapy in a few days so it’s all good.
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