#and you have to look at it in a multifaceted lense and not just in terms of slapping on a skin color and calling it a day

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

Hollis the Multifaceted

This is for you @winterandwords! And any of the other Hollis lovers. Lol, I need a break from my school stuff. So we've got a bit of a Hollis character study going. I am also speed writing this on my phone so apologies in advance.

And a picrew of Hollis to the left and Green to the right.

Taglist: Tag list: @outpost51 @nanashi23 @winterandwords @jezifster @kk7-rbs @aether-wasteland-s @dumbthunder @manathen @the-void-writes @liv-is (Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist!) 

Hollis's bottom lip poked out, begrudgingly organizing the scattered parts on one of her multiple cluttered tables. She knew she could have a better system with stuff like this. And she should as an engineer/roboticist/doctor knock off. But she had been far too busy to make it look pretty.

She gathered parts she had hastily pulled out earlier in attempts to reattach an almost completely severed prosthetic. Her stomach did a hearty flip at the thought. The fix was— sketchy. She had to think as quickly as possible as she forcibly rebuilt and jerry rigged a leg prosthetic. The calf dangling from from the knee from a few wires, the joint bulging and tearing through fake skin. Hollis had sucked in a breath when she saw blood. Meaning she had to fuck around with living tissue too.

The engineer pushed a pile aside. Threatening to push them onto the muddied cement floor.

She poked the tip of her tongue through the gap in her teeth. Eyes wandering the dented walls in front of her. Door far to her left awkwardly hanging from the hinges. Torn through recliner she had often slept in not to far from it. She ignored the whirring of one of her bots leisurely rolling past her feet. Briefly overwhelmed with the desire of kicking it.

She rolled her shoulders back. Gaze lingering on the crooked door now, even though she couldn't see it clearly. Lenses removed from her eyes hours ago. And glasses snapped in two. It was starting to feel like a prison. Hollis crossed her arms then. So so smart. But dumb enough to make her own cell. Fancy enough to lack real bars. Just the piles of scrap, limbs, and endlessly injured that filtered in forming an ugly barrier.

"Fuck it."

Hollis slipped both arms free from the straps of her overalls. Tugging down the top as she approached another table with her phone, keys, and jacket. With heavy steps she hurried out, practically tearing new holes in the jacket with the force. She kicked the door closed behind her heading directly to the hangout she'd been too busy to see for months.

It was enough to convince her to leave. Hopefully the crowd would be enough to convince her it was worth it. She hadn't left one shit hole job just to suffer on her own. She'd never let them get the best of her twice. Her thoughts enough to make the rushed journey through streets with overfilled cars. The gust of wind from the overhead train barely disturbing the thick gray of smog.

She weaved through through one last street of cars forcibly stopped by the flashing lights up ahead. The engineer knocked her knee against the approaching door. Grunting as she lifted a stubborn handle, before jerking it to the side. Grinning a bit breathless when the door eased its way open.

Hollis had made her way to a classic. Though it had aged a bit over the years. The owner annoyedly scrubbing at mold on the wall. Music from the composers that typically performed here played through speakers hooked into the walls. If she stayed long enough she'd hear one of her piano solos filling the space. Something she had written before getting hired by a big bioengineering firm.

One wall lined with filled booths. A lot of the wealthier rejected the classic hangouts like this. But Hollis thought the busted doors, menus actually made by humans, and mystery stains on a few of the walls gave a place character. It is was always nice when she could play music for dancers that drifted in for a little extra cash.

And damn was the environment so much more inviting than her own home/workshop right now. She found her way to a bar seat, though she knew she wouldn't drink. But it was a nice spot to people watch, though it was more like ass watching.

"Hollis! Babe! You came for a show or we gonna see you play tonight?" The woman tapped Hollis's phone scanning it for payment before placing a nonalcholic beer on the counter.

Hollis grinned hearing the beep of a successful payment. She grabbed her beer looking away from the bartender. Fishing through her jacket pockets for her backup glasses. Humming in content when she found them.

"I came for a distraction. Whatever happens, happens," Hollis admitted sliding her glasses on.

"Well we always keep the keyboard clean for you. We'd invest in one of those fancy pianos for you if you came around more." The bartender laughed then, "And the top floor."

Hollis laughed then, taking a long sip.

"You trying to join me upstairs?" Hollis questioned, resting her head in her palm.

The bartender grinned, warm light of the bar gleaming off of her teeth, "I don't know. You don't seem very enthused. Work been dragging you down, babe?"

Hollis rolled her eyes then, giving her can a shallow tip towards her mouth. Savoring the taste coating her tongue.

"And if it has been are you offering a way to pull me back up?" Hollis grinned, tongue clamped between her teeth, "Or are you just going to tease me all night?"

The engineer turned to fully face her. The barstool squeaking at her movement. She looked the bartender up and down. Once. Then twice. Feeling her lips quirk at the urgency the bartender moved to wipe the counter.

The bartender went to speak, quickly interrupted by a heavy woman with a heavy sigh. Shirt unbuttoned enough to rip Hollis's attention straight away from the bartender to more pressing matters. Hollis watched a bead of sweat roll down her neck and swallowed.

"You find everything you were looking for Green?" The bartender questioned sliding the woman a glass of water.

The woman, Green, grunted low. Gave a small nod.

"Headin' to the next town over. Probably on a bus right now. I'll get that money from him." She shook the ice in her glass, taking a hearty sip.

Green's eyes locked on Hollis. Feeling the engineer's eyes on her.

Hollis didn't shrink under her gaze. Finishing off her drink as she stared.

"You're beautiful. You come in for the music?"

Green's eyebrows shot up. Eyes glancing around the space before she pointed at herself.

"Talkin' to me like that?"

Hollis shrugged and looked up at her a bit surprised by the deepening of the other woman's voice, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Green gestured to herself. Hollis caught sight of the bruised knuckles that time. And a tear in the knee of her slacks.

"I'm not the beautiful type. But music's a reason I'm here." Green responded stressing the 'a', lifting the glass to her lips.

Hollis laughed a little, "I think I can give you a couple other reasons. If you give me some time."

Green tapped her glass on the table, a very small and very crooked grin appearing on her face briefly. Hollis welcomed the small bloom of confidence in her chest. Pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose she met Green's eyes. Green unbuttoned the last few buttons holding her shirt closed. Hollis's eyes gladly followed the newly exposed skin.

"You just wanna fuck." Green laughed softly, it was a harsh sound leaving her throat, Hollis doubted she did it often.

Hollis shrugged again, not willing to lie, "So you're saying no to being my muse? Or joining me in the bed?"

"I've got someone far prettier to keep my bed warm. But it wouldn't be very gentlewomanly of me to leave you hanging." Green stated lifting herself from the stool.

Hollis watched her, finding herself smile a little hard when Green turned her head around. Green's eyes jabbing her after taking a brief look herself.

"Hurry before I make that gap in your teeth bigger."

Hollis slid off of the stool and took the woman's hand, "You'd be into it too wouldn't you?"

Green rolled her eyes. Grunting softly beneath her breath. Refusing to answer Hollis's question as she was led upstairs.

[black-crested-jaybird]

Two things I think are important to consider in any relationship are:

Is it reciprocal?

and

Is it multifacted?

Is it reciprocal, meaning do you get back what you put in to the relationship? Are you always the one listening to venting and never the one who gets to be heard? Are you always the one venting and never the one doing the listening?

Is it multifacted, meaning do you connect to each other in multiple ways? Do you share common values, ideas, and interests, or do you only get together to watch, read, talk about, or do a specific activity or set of activities and never see each other in different contexts?

These things in and of themselves are not and should not be guidelines for deciding if a relationship is healthy! Relationships that are not reciprocal and/or are not multifaceted are not bad relationships. I can have a relationship with someone I only see at book club. I can have a relationship with someone I primarily vent to (like a therapist!) or listen to (like kids!). And that's fine!

But I don't expect the same things from those relationships that I do from a multifacted, reciprocal relationship. What I give to the relationship will be different; what I get from it will be different; my boundaries will be different.

If I'm constantly venting to my book club buddy who just wants to talk about the book we read, or always listening to trauma stories from a friend who doesn't have the time or ability to hear about my struggles, it's a good idea to take a look at those relationships through those two lenses and see if my expectations are out of sync with theirs, or with the setting. Could I find someone else to vent to? Do I need to set limits on my listening time with this person so I can find the time and a different person to listen to me when I need to be heard? Am I expecting, or offering, something this person isn't able to give or receive?

Again, that doesn't make the relationship bad. Relationships aren't interchangeable, any more than people are; they are, and should be, unique. But we have to be able to see them for what they are, instead of what we want or expect them to be.

? where am i

[vinayrana]

The Evolution of Eyeglasses: From Necessity to Fashion Statement

Eyeglasses have come a long way since their humble beginnings as simple magnifying lenses. Today, they are not just tools for vision correction but also fashion statements that reflect personal style and personality. Let's take a journey through the evolution of eyeglasses, exploring how they have evolved from a necessity to a trendy accessory.

Early Origins

The history of eyeglasses dates back to ancient times when the concept of using lenses to improve vision was first discovered. The earliest known lenses were made of polished quartz and were used by the ancient Egyptians and Greeks. However, it wasn't until the 13th century that the first wearable eyeglasses were invented in Italy.

Functional Advancements

For centuries, eyeglasses remained primarily functional, designed solely for vision correction. They were often bulky and uncomfortable, with frames made of materials like wood or metal. It wasn't until the 18th century that significant advancements were made in lens manufacturing and frame design, making eyeglasses more accessible and comfortable to wear.

Fashion and Style

By the 20th century, eyeglasses had evolved from purely functional objects to fashionable accessories. Designers began experimenting with different frame shapes, materials, and colors, giving rise to a wide variety of styles to suit every face shape and personal taste. Eyeglasses became not just tools for better vision but also expressions of individuality and style.

Technology and Innovation

The latter half of the 20th century brought significant technological advancements to the eyewear industry. The invention of plastic lenses, lightweight materials like titanium and memory metal, and innovations such as progressive lenses and anti-reflective coatings revolutionized the way people saw and wore glasses.

Cultural Impact

Eyeglasses have also had a profound impact on popular culture. Iconic figures like John Lennon, Marilyn Monroe, and Elton John helped popularize certain styles of eyeglasses, turning them into iconic fashion statements. In recent years, celebrities and influencers have continued to shape trends in eyewear, making bold and distinctive frames a must-have accessory.

The Future of Eyeglasses

As we look ahead, the future of eyeglasses promises even more innovation and style. Advancements in augmented reality and smart technology are leading to the development of "smart glasses" that can do everything from displaying digital information to tracking health metrics. These futuristic eyewear options combine functionality with fashion, appealing to tech-savvy consumers.

In conclusion, eyeglasses have evolved from simple vision aids to multifaceted accessories that blend fashion, technology, and functionality. Whether you wear glasses for vision correction or as a fashion statement, there's no denying their impact on how we see the world – both literally and figuratively.

Eyeglasses have come a long way from their origins as basic vision aids. Today, they are sophisticated accessories that combine style, technology, and functionality. Whether you wear glasses for vision correction or as a fashion statement, there's no denying their impact on how we see the world – both literally and figuratively.

[athenathegrace]

In Media Res: My Instagram Pictures and Stories hold remnants of my personal narrative

I've been using Instagram for almost six years now, and I made it a public library of myself - what I do for the day, my interests, and even pictures that will soon become remnants of my forever cherished memories for that year. Instagram made me feel like I am heard, or even to display what I want to curate about myself, filtered or not.

Ever since then, romanticizing my life through lenses has been a form of escapism and coping, sharing every single music that I am listening to at the moment, picturing the scenery that I am currently in, or even sharing posts that dictate my current interest for a while. It became a staple for Instagram to become multifaceted, sharing everything that was once wished would happen, placing music to videos, and even doing boomerangs for God knows how long, and how many times I can do for the day.

Filters were also popping up, and as I feel good for today or that if I had a good hair day, it's already a routine for me to post it on Instagram. This dictates my narrative and how I traverse the world - May it be the most mundane thing that you'd ever see in your feed.

In Media Res, a Latin phrase for in the midst of things sums up most of my produced content. These multimedia stories are a part and chained into previous events of my story, a related chain of events so to speak.

Real-time updates on Instagram are as crucial as eating breakfast properly in the morning, making it a daily newspaper or a platform to just simply feel alive. It doesn't necessarily start from the time that I was born, no! Instead of actually creating a structured story, it made me travel through things that I initially never thought I would travel to, looking at other people's in media reses, fragmented stories, seeing what's up about them, starting conversations with them, and creating a connection that was deemed impossible before. It became a lifestyle for me to curate pictures on Instagram, and as I said before, it became a personal diary for me, and a collection of fragmented memories.

Fortunately, Instagram has the feature of actually making you look back at the stories and pictures that you previously published on your personal account, and I was reflecting on it, this gave me a mark to simply recover lost memories that I may or may not remember fifty years from now. These fragmented memories were not turned into tangible, living evidence of my life, through the media form of a singular device, projecting the previous thoughts and pictures that I collated six years ago.

I still have the drive to continue posting nilly-willy stuff on the internet. It made me feel alive for a reason; publishing MY story, and my narrative. All in one. Like a time capsule.

[vidalinav]

Okay S/JM stans saying she made it clear that Illyrians are POC in recent books is driving me insane. "Golden brown" is NOT a clear representation because she's also used "golden" to describe white people.

No matter that Cassian without a shirt bordered on obscene, even with the collection of scars peppering his golden-brown skin. (ACOSF)

[Rowan's] skin had deepened to a golden brown—he must have spent time outdoors these past weeks. (QOS)

I could be wrong, but isn't Rowan white? Why is she using golden brown to describe him? Her descriptions are so confusing and her "representation" is one of the worst. There are other characteristics besides skin colour (hair texture, facial features, etc) that she could have used to make it more obvious.

Well golden-brown in this context means tan and there are of course people who are tan no matter what and people who are only tan when they go out into the sun.

I do think her representation needs some work, and quite a bit of it, because it should probably not be interpretable.

But hosab was a tad better about it, so I know she is not completely hopeless or lost. She's just unfortunately white, and unfortunately not consistent, though she can and should get better and she's not absolved from the responsibility, she will probably not be better at it then say reading a book from an author who is a person of color. Perhaps, that's the issue--everyone should be reading more books from people of color.

However, I think with Illyrians specifically, you can't necessarily boil down their representation of race/ethnicity just by their skin color, which I've made a post about. Not even in the real world can you do that but alas... You have to look at how Illyrians are framed in the text socially and culturally, which is slightly different from the rest. You have to see the perspective that other people in the book take on them, which is that they have backwards laws to the protags, traditional values, a rich culture of stories, superstitions, traditions, and community roles. They have a tightknit community that tends to not like outsiders but does have progress, though that progress is not as fast as the protags would want. They don't have spices (which ugh, but I guess they live in the mountains). They live in the mountains. They all for the most part have wings, dark hair, a lot of brown and hazel eyes. They have their own hierarchical structure.

Now yes, you can definitely say well Illyrians are real people in the past, and they're Indoeuropean, but a pretty a quick google search will say that that would make them probably modern day Albanian. Would I consider them white? Racially maybe, but not ethnically. That makes a difference. White unfortunately is a very Western perspective, and unless we want to debate how we categorize race, unfortunately in this day and age, it's not just skin color or facial features or hair texture that causes discrimination and marginalization. Though those things do factor in.

You also have to think that this is a fantasy world. What does race mean in a fantasy world where are social implications are not exactly the same? Of course, we still want an abundance of skin tone variation, and feature variability, because that's biological. But race and ethnicity is often times simplified to mean only facial features, only skin color, etc, but race and then breaking down race to ethnicity in a social context and not a biological one, is language, shared cultural values, clothing, tradition, religion, etc.

I am ethnically Chicana, but I'm racially white. Can I say that I am white? No. Do I look white? No. Will I be treated like someone who is white? Probably not. Is my culture white? Depends. I'm culturally very American, but do I have influences of Cuban and Mexican backgrounds? Yes. Would that influence look different if I was raised in a different country, even another Western one? Yes.

An author will not get kudos for writing someone as a POC, but then write no implications of being a POC. They'll then be writing white characters, telling us they have dark skin, and we'll be saying yay for diversity and inclusion. No! That's not how it works.

It's much more complicated and I implore people to look at not just what characters look like but how they're viewed, the parts in which they're placed in, how complex they are, the narrative that they're given. All of that means something. I find it so much more valuable to debate how the Illyrians are viewed as backwards to the imperialistic main characters, who for some reason don't like their own culture but use the people from their culture quite often for war, then to debate whether we can consider them POC or not by the several different shades of brown she could have used. 

[arwen48]

I really like the “equals and only ones who understand each other” more than “Mairon is 100% subservient to Melkor” I like a Mairon who is more scary than Melkor, and who is just as- if not more- sadistic and cruel than him, but they understand each other perfectly and love each other in a uncanny and inhuman worshipy utter devotional way. I don’t like it when Mairon gets pushed around and is submissive as much as I love absolutely evil Mairon. As a recent post said: “two forces of nature-“ complimentary and bring out the best in and need each other more than anything- there is no one without the other. And this doesn’t even violate canon because canon surrounding their relationship is just one big gap where anything can happen, as well as being a biased narrative. Like seriously it is a very biased and unreliable- I think melkor isn’t inherently evil, he just is chaos incarnate- represents the natural force of entropy, creativity- creation and destruction that is necessary to life in the world. Each of the valar represent an aspect of creation, and destruction is necessary for change, and inherent to the natural order of things- I’d like to say Mairon is the only one who understands this- who he really is, that he’s not evil, what his discord really means. He’s the only one who can comprehend his discord in entirety, and see into his soul, or that’s the impression I get from their relationship. The writer of the red book of westmarch couldn’t have known all love had flown from Melkor’s heart- neither could’ve manwe. They obviously cannot understand Melkor’s mind, let alone know his private thoughts and feelings. Much of the Silmarillion is purposely unreliable and that gives us le way for our own stories and reflections of it. Melkor cannot only be interpreted through one lense- and you cannot take the silm’s word for everything he is, because it’s written by some random historian after the fact. The elf wasn’t even at the first music for gods sake. The elf certainly didn’t live in angband and spy on Melkor and Sauron, watching their every move. He wouldn’t have the opportunity to witness their relationship, and all he would know would be second hand- plus the fact he’s their enemy and love dosent look good worn by your adversaries- because that humanizes them, and when writing about your enemy it often deviates into propaganda. So I guess I think it would be interesting if people stopped writing as if the Silm was inherently what happened and considered it the infallible source on melkor and Mairon- and started exploring other interpretations more in line with the books nuances, because Tolkien was so brilliant he basically wrote a multifaceted piece of gold.

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Legacy of a Queen (The Mask of Death Part 15)

“You killed them.”

Vader stopped, and for a moment Sabé almost expected him to whirl around and finally snap. She’d expected him to be tougher, had expected to be dead already. Instead, she was bruised and battered from their last encounter - when she had tried and failed to prevent him from tarnishing the tomb of her beloved Queen and friend. Padmé would never have wanted such an oppressive, dark presence of an Empire she would have despised to taint her memory. Still, she had failed and not only that, she had lived despite her will to die an honourable death reclaiming her former mistress’ honour. She had been a handmaiden of Queen Amidala, and above that, a loyal friend. Padmé wanted freedom, Padmé wanted a Republic where every inhabitant of the Galaxy had an equally important voice. Vader represented the Emperor, the dictator whose authoritarian rule they must all succumb to. Palpatine may have been a child of Sabé’s beloved Naboo, but she would never recognize him as her true ruler.

“Why?” she found herself asking, her voice bouncing off of the cavernous stone walls of the cave surrounding them.

She had tracked Vader down. It had been difficult, nigh impossible. She’d bound together the Amidalans, together with Tonra and Typho. All indebted to Padmé, all grateful for her all too brief time in their lives.

Vader didn’t respond, but neither did he move away. Sabé ground her teeth together, ignoring the ache in her side from the broken ribs he had left her with. In fact all of the Amidalans had lived, even Olié who had come closest to meeting with death. Vader had stabbed him, but it was not fatal. Vader had a reputation for killing every enemy, for taking no prisoners. If anyone lived to tell the gruesome tale, it was by design. Vader wanted them to spread the rumours, wanted to build up his image of terror and dread. His sparing her life, especially in this moment when they were alone and no one would find her remains to decipher what had caused her demise, was vexing. It was frustrating.

Sabé hated Vader. Not merely what he stood for, or whom he served. She didn’t even directly hate his ruthless ways, she didn’t resent the blood of the innocents on his hands. She loathed him for destroying Padmé. He ruled Mustafar, Padmé had died in dubious circumstances concerning visiting Mustafar. So had her beloved Anakin Skywalker. Skywalker, a hero, a Jedi, an inspiration. Sabé had known, how could she not? Padmé had never said aloud, but Sabé had seen it, she had figured it out. Skywalker, too, had perished in the same unrecorded event. She blamed Vader, for who else could have bested a fighter and general of Skywalker’s caliber? Who else could have destroyed the pure hearted goodness of Padmé Amidala?

“Ask no more questions,” Vader simply rumbled, his mechanical breathing steady and evenly paced.

Sabé shook her head, taking a couple of hesitant steps towards the large, towering form of the man before her. He did not respond, and all Sabé could truly see in the dim, gloomy darkness was the sunlight beaming through cracks in the rock reflected against his polished domed helmet, and the billowing black cape that wrapped around his broad shoulders. It was cold, and Sabé wasn’t surprised. She had noted the freezing aura of his presence the very first time she ran into him, to lure him with her to Naboo in order to carry out the assassination attempt organized by her fellow Amidalans. Even on the bright, warm, sunny Summer day she had felt chills down her spine. She’d had goosebumps then, as she did now. Her breath came out in condensated puffs, but she would not relent. Keeping her trusty blaster close to her chest, although she knew it was only for show, she remained stubborn.

“I will not. I need to know why you killed them. Why you killed her,” Sabé pressed, hands beginning to tremble as they clung harder to the durasteel in her slender hands.

“You ask for answers you do not wish to hear,” Vader retorted, and to Sabé’s surprise - it was not only a reply, but the monotone conveyed no anger.

Instead, there was a lingering sense of exasperation to the statement, as if Vader himself knew what his reasons were but had refused to come to terms with them as of yet. Loose gravel slid against the damp, slippery rock formation as Sabé approached with caution. The cold radiated off of him, nipping at her rosy cheeks. She tilted her head to the side, peering as much as she dared over the bulk of his shoulder but seeing only darkness ahead. She assumed he had some sort of night vision sensors built into that mask he wore.

“I would not ask for them if I wasn’t desperate to hear them.”

It was the truth. For over twenty years, Sabé and her fellow Amidalans had never stopped asking the question. Why? Why had Padmé died? Why had she travelled to Mustafar alone? Why had she not shared the name of the father of her child? Why had she been so secretive, despite the fact that most of her former court of handmaidens already knew the truth? Now, beholding the man who had taken Padmé’s life, Sabé refused to see him take the cowardly way out and avoid explaining himself. Still, Vader didn’t paint the imposing picture he had the first time she met him. He seemed sullen, withdrawn, perhaps even pained? It made little sense to her.

“I obviously can’t kill you, but I won’t die for lack of trying. Whatever it is you know, tell me. Who else am I supposed to share it with when I’m dead?” Sabé heard herself saying, and she contemplated whether she meant it only for a moment.

The answer was yes. She would die for Padmé, to avenge her death.

“You are mistaken. It is not you who has failed.”

Again, there was an almost melancholy note to Vader’s voice, despite the fact that nothing within its diction or pacing had changed. His voice was still manufactured, inhuman. But behind the mask, there must be something else. Something to unearth, something to discover. Sabé felt equally confused and frustrated with the situation, her agitation shutting out any fear she may be harbouring deep down for the Dark Lord.

“I will have failed if I cannot kill you, and I have come to terms with that. As such, I only need to know why you killed Anakin and Padmé. Were they intruding? Were they out to put you down to cripple the Empire? Did you just feel like it?”

Sabé narrowed her eyes, her gaze burning a hole in Vader’s back as she stared unrelenting at his cloaked form. This man did not deserve to even think of Padmé. Yet, she’d yet to hear him speak of Padmé with anything other than reverence. As if her name was forbidden for him to utter, as if he himself was aware that he was beneath her. Sabé almost gasped, stumbling a couple of steps backwards when Vader finally did turn halfway to face her. The dead lenses of his face plate looked back at her, their stare cold and dead and empty. His hands hung slack at his sides, and swallowing hard; Sabé expected him to kill her. Expected him to reach out with one hand and seize her neck in an invisible chokehold. The way he had done the first time she stood before him on Vendaxa, when he had allowed her to live. When he had mistaken her for Padmé.

“The first time I met you, why did you not kill me?”

There was no reply, but the meaning behind the silence rang loud and clear. Vader had not killed her, because he had assumed she was Padmé. Hadn't he killed her? Shouldn’t he know she was dead? Still, he had hesitated, believing her to be the former Queen. They did possess an uncanny resemblance, it had led her to become one of Padmé’s decoys in the first place. Even their mothers had struggled to tell them apart, which had only furthered their cause in keeping Padmé safe during her time on the throne. Even now, she was alive. Even now, she could breathe freely as she stared death in the eye.

“You believed I was Padmé, didn’t you? But if you killed her, why would you assume such a thing?” she continued, but yet again her only answer was an eerie silence.

A heavy, tense silence. Wearing her thin, dragging the seconds of time passing out into what felt like hours. Sabé sighed, hanging her head. He would never relent, he would never speak. Killing him would offer her no peace, if he would not share the truth. He was the only person who knew what had happened, and if he did not speak, there was no way to resolve her suspicions. He had admitted to killing Padmé, and Skywalker, but not how. Not when. Not why. All of these question marks without a resolution. A riddle that could not be solved.

“The japor snippet found in the Queen’s tomb.”

Vader’s voice cut through the air like a knife, making Sabé wince as it echoed all around her; a multifaceted statement. It did not answer her questions, and she scowled and she attempted to study the unfeeling expression of his mask.

“What are you talking about?” she huffed, but as soon as the words were out; an inquisitive curiosity began to wonder why he had chosen to address that little trinket.

“Was she buried with it?” Vader continued, paying no mind to Sabé’s perplexed expression.

“Yes. Yes, she was. She wore it often, it appears to have meant a great deal to her,” Sabé clarified, still failing to see how it mattered. “I do not know its meaning.”

“I do,” said Vader, and despite Sabé’s instant desire to scoff at the preposterous profession; she found she couldn’t.

Instead, it felt earnest. Vader sounded sincere, and while she refused to believe there was a single scrap of human emotion or empathy in the man; she could feel the solemn sadness of his aura bearing down on her shoulders like a sodden weight. As if she had been unwittingly made to carry his burdens, and his suffering. She blinked, her legs suddenly feeling weak beneath her as they wobbled but she ignored it.

“That’s nonsense,” Sabé spat. “The only other person who would know its meaning---”

“Is the person who forged it,” Vader interrupted.

Sabé blinked, and there was a gnawing unease settling at the pit of her belly. There was a voice at the back of her mind, nagging at her. She ignored it, but the more she tried to force it aside, the more it demanded her attention. Fingers curling tighter around the blaster, she heard her voice wavering as she spoke again.

“Anakin made it for her.”

Sabé needed no response to know it was true. The tiny, hand carved wooden piece of jewelry had been simple and bare bones when compared to Padmé’s impressive wardrobes and her thousands of embezzled necklaces. Still, she often picked the unbecoming, clumsy trinket above her splendid diamond, ruby and sapphire heirlooms. Padmé, who never wore a dress twice. She would not part with the necklace, and so, she had been buried with it. It had been the physical item she’d held highest in regard in life. Skywalker had made it for her, had painstakingly carved it out of the rare pieces of wood he may have found while kept as a slave. It was as if she could visualize the scene, as if she could see the small blonde boy; sitting cross legged in a rugged hut, lining the details meticulously with a small blade. A handmade gift fit for a Queen.

“Yes,” Vader said, but the acknowledgement seemed to be directed more towards her direct thoughts, than her words.

“How would you know? Who are you, really?” Sabé grimaced, raising her voice as the unease grew into full blown dread.

Vader began to turn back away from her, stalking unhindered by the darkness as he continued forward into the deep abyss of the cave. Sabé didn’t know what he was doing, of why he was there. She couldn’t tell what had possessed him to come to Tytloh, and it’s bleary, gray wildlife. Little could survive here, and although the planet was rumoured to have held a grand meaning for Force wielders in the old Republic, it lay in tatters now. Uninhabited, unless you counted lowlife pirates and smugglers. A man of Vader’s power should find little need to come here, and Sabé suspected she would never get an answer to that question either.

“Perhaps, if I had never offered her the piece, she may have lived.”

Sabé felt her legs give out under her own weight, as if all strength had been sucked out of her. As if the will to go on had been torn from her spirit. As she sunk to her knees in the muck and slippery algae covering the cavern’s innards - she gasped. Vader was already gone, vanished in the darkness as if he had never been there at all. As if he were a demon who had returned to the hole from which he came. As if he had been a figment of her imagination, and for a moment Sabé almost second guessed herself, and she almost believed he had.

I, he had said.

Sabé understood.

***

Well, I've been wanting to write something based off of the 2020 Vader comic where Vader visits Padmé's tomb, from Sabé's POV. Hence, this one is very much inspired by that, as a sort of compliant follow up to where they left off. I understand why they left it open, but I would have loved to see Sabé realize the truth about Vader, and who he really is. I found it worked as another installment for this mini series, and thus this chapter was born.

Hope you enjoy!

Ao3 link below:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049894/chapters/69852816

[hanbereviews]

Tropes to Avoid: Mental Illness

The next trope to avoid is in the building! Today we’ll be focusing on the elephant in the room that much joseimuke and otome media refuses to address. Mental illness. 

As a snobby psych major in college and someone who struggles with it myself, I find that mental illness as a part of the plot can be interesting. It gives the character a multifaceted personality as well as informing us about what tangible things their lived experiences created. This can be something as simple as a character being clinically depressed due to a big moment in their past, or as complex as a character’s trauma shaping how they interact with others. But this is frequently mishandled to the point that it’s kind of comical.

Disclaimer here: I’m not saying the tropes I include in this list are exclusive to mental illness or even outright bad. It’s the times that the use of traumatic situations are meant to “explain” them that I snort and move on.

Now, speaking about mental illness in primarily japanese focused media is a bit tricky here. And I want to preemptively address the counterargument that I could be looking at it from a western lense. Ableism, much like other forms of discrimination, is everywhere. It just does not manifest in the same way. Of course Japan differs from the American viewpoint when it comes to mental illness, and I will touch in that when discussing the types of illnesses present in otome media. But that does not mean developers don’t have room for improvement, especially when there’s a wonderful amount of anime and manga out there that addresses mental illness and trauma in a healthy and sympathetic way. So this will follow a list of mental illness tropes I feel are handled awfully. 

1. The “psycho” yandere. 

Big disclaimer here to say I do enjoy myself a good yandere on some days. I find the personality type very outlandish and thus it doesn’t instantly register as harmful to me. Especially because there’s a lot of variation, following the heroine around like a puppy. Acting mean to everyone else but incredibly nice to her. There are actually a lot of ways to utilize this trope without dipping into any real mental illness explanations.

The problems come when there is an attempt to use a character’s trauma to explain his outlandish behavior. The yandere is usually a very polarizing character in otome because writers frequently take the things he does way too far to the point that it can get very uncomfortable for a lot of the audience. And the way it is justified is that he’s simply not a bad person because of a textwalled infodump about how bad he had it as a kid, or a teenager. 

It’s totally fine if whatever traumatic situation he’s in gives him certain issues with attachment or otherwise. But for some reason, especially in “darker” scenarios their immediate thought will be to have him hurt or violate the heroine in some fashion and explain it away with the fact he’s just like, super crazy and insane cause his mom hit him! It’s just ridiculous and I wish they’d stop doing it.

2. The split personality

Many of you may know this one so let me conjure up a familiar scenario.

The heroine meets a nice and sweet man, who tends to her every need and is in general just a good person. Their friendship or romantic relationship doesn’t have much conflict or road bumps because he’s agreeable and does everything right. Then, for some reason or another, it’s discovered he has a second personality that is typically the complete opposite of him. Some writers will characterize this personality as mean and aggressive, and position is as the antagonist in regards to the relationship. 

This is actually a really poor and oddly common representation of Dissociative Identity Disorder in otome and joseimuke media. I’m not going to fault anyone for not getting it 100% right, because it’s a very complex illness. But I feel like “main personality= Nice and sweet. Sub personality = Evil and wants to destroy and kill” gets boring after the 50th time. 

This is especially goofy when you consider that the “trigger” for the second personality to appear usually makes absolutely no sense. This is compounded with the fact that there will be little to no explanation for how the character developed this second personality, and the consistent “resolution” is that they just...Fuse together into one being. Except there is never a direct change to the main personality, so it’s like he’s just...Cured? 

3. The hypersexual character (tw for sexual assault) 

This is actually one of my favorite character types so it personally hurts me when the explanation for the way they are is so terribly mishandled and written. 

The hypersexual character is flirty, constantly makes innuendos, and is a little more ready to get handsy with the heroine than other men. The heroine may be anywhere from put off to consistently shutting down his incredibly forward advances because she just like many other people, wants to get to know him and not just have a one night stand.

This is totally harmless, and I actually am directly staring at “darker” otome VNs for this complete and utter mishandling of their character. In visual novels with darker topics, the hypersexual character is turned up to eleven here. Frequently displaying that he’ll use sex to get what he wants, perhaps trying to get the heroine in compromising situations. Basically it’s all that’s on his mind. Sometimes it manifests in really really uncomfortable H scenes.

And how do they explain it? Well, see, for some reason there’s this very pervasive backstory trope with these types of characters where writers will explain their heightened libido away as a symptom of them being sexually abused in their past. While this isn’t exactly a bad explanation, because it leads you to understand why the hypersexual character is the way he is. It’s written for shock factor most of the time. And usually the person who abuses them is so comically evil everywhere else that you never really get to feel anything but briefly grossed out.

Not to mention there’s an odd lack of character growth, of course it’s not expected for him to get over it immediately. But the heroine kind of just accepts he’s horny 24/7 and that’s it. 

I cannot stress this enough as I end this off. But again, none of these tropes are something bad that people shouldn’t write. It’s just that when writers are incorporating mental illness into the mix I expect a certain amount of research and respect put into it so I can properly extend my sympathies. Be realistic! 

[art-angels]

CÉCILE PLAISANCE AND HER COMIC, SURREAL AND PROVOKING LENTICULAR WORK

Cover story, via SuperYacht Digest

Cécile Plaisance turns the tables and breaks stereotypes, codes and roles using Barbie not as an object but rather as the incarnation of free, seductive and empowered women.

Barbies are part of every girl’s life. Some put them in the loft and forget about them, some others pass them to their daughters and Cécile Plaisance creates art with them. Feminists have always accused Barbie to promote the objectification of the female body, a perfect and inaccessible body, the idea of a submitted woman and consumerism. She turns the table an breaks stereotypes, codes and roles using Barbie not as an object but rather as the incarnation of free seductive and empowered women.

Born in 1968 in Paris, Cécile Plaisance is a French photographer, mostly active in Brussels. For many years she did not get the opportunity to develop her love for photography. She graduated in Economics and Commerce with at DEA Diploma for Paris Dauphine University. For over 10 years she works in the European financial markets, but photography was always in the back of her mind and her camera followed her everywhere. She also worked in the IT sector with her husband but after moving to Brussels she left the masculine environment of finance to eventually follow here passion for photography. She studied at Contraste Photography Agency and she took Photoshop classes which soon became a fundamental tool for her creations. At the end of the third year the school organized an exposition with its students’ photos and that is where Barbie dolls made their first appearance to Cécile’s works. She wanted to give homage to Helmut Newton but at that time she didn't have enough money to pay for real-life models, so she turned to her daughter’s barbie collection. Plaisance mentions Newton as one of the greatest photographers whose woks have inspired her, along with Barbara Kruger, Richard Avedon, Mel Ramos and Russel James.

Through her work, she pursues a strong message, yet ludic. Her art is not a war of the sexes, it is an ode to femininity and to all women. She is not against men, at all, in fact she things we should find a proper balance between men and women. In her photographs, Plaisance elevates the idea off every girl’s childhood to a superior cause: she defends women’s rights, desires and freedom. She links Barbie to the women of today, playing with her femininity, managing everyday-life tasks, becoming a perfect housewife of boss lady. In some photographs from her Lens series, Plaisance transforms the magazine read by women looking for the perfect outfit into the perfect outfit itself.

Cécile Plaisance is well-known for her comic, surreal and provoking photos of Mattel’s iconic doll. She superimposes difference pictures of Barbie getting dressed-undressed which change according to the position of the viewer. With her Barbie series, the artist does not only want to take us back to our childhood, but she also links the iconic doll to the empowered woman of today in different settings, actions and cultures.

Her works are featured in several exhibitions, fairs, galleries and museums, including LA Art Angels gallery, Erarta Museum of Contemporary Art in Saint Petersburg, Art Miami, Art Cologne, Art Toronto, Scope Miami and Art Basel, Hong Jong. Her photographs can also be found in prestigious art collections, both private and corporative. The Handler family, founders of Mattel, of course had to have one of her creations, but also the King of Morocco, Victor Emmanuel of Savoy, Joe Malone CEO of her eponymous brand and the Ecclestone Family among others.

In 2016 her Nun & Baby was auctioned at Christies’s Paris for of $14,100. In 2018 PHOTO Magazine awarded her with the “Prix Photo” and put her work on cover.

French photographer has great respect for all religions, but none of them should promote physical and moral disrespectful behavior, dictated by some form of patriarchy. To her “there is no religion that can justify flouting women’s rights. Women should be equal to men and should be free to do whatever they want with their image and their bodies.” She uses her art to encourage women to take their freedom back, no matter where they live or what their religion may be. In her photographs, the nun’s cloak or the burqa hide a sexy and provocative woman. She explores the different roles that women play both publicly and privately and every action they take should be their exclusive decision. Despite the differences in cultures, clothes and fashion, al women around the world aspire to be free and to live fully and intensely in their lives.

In her series “La Bella Vita” her dolls are photographed on yachts, at sea, while sunbathing and having fun in the summer weather. They are so perfectly integrated with the environment that the line between fantasy and reality is blurred. The viewer questions whether the dolls are playing the role of a real-life model, or the model is playing the role of the glamorous dolls. Barbies appear to be alive and posing.

A single image was not enough for Plaisance to deliver the complex idea and nature of a multifaceted woman, so she superimposes two different images, with the same subject but in different poses or clothes, that appear to transform into each other. Barbie seems to undress depending on the viewer’s position in front of the photograph. Plaisance started using holograms, or lenticular lens, in 2010, becoming her predominant form of art ever since, to better explore the various aspects of a woman: how she sees herself, vs how others see her, the public persona she shows and the more private, intimate and secret one she keeps to herself. By using this technique, the French photographer animates a static image, making it dynamic and surprising to viewers that do not expect the photograph to change or move as the image is viewed from different angles.

Plaisance is one of the few artist in the world to dare to use the so-called lenticular printing. Lenticular printing was firstly used in marketing to promote and advertise products and now has become part of the world of fine art. It gives artist an incredible opportunity to explore depth and interact with the viewer. Even Pop Art artist Roy Lichtenstein, one of Plaisance’s source of inspiration, employed the lenticular printing technique.

Plaisance claims that lenticular printing could be very time consuming, hard and extremely expensive. She also adds that the whole process could be quite stressing because the results are not always perfect. Also, there are only 3 labs that produce these lenses in the world: in the US, in China and Ireland. That is why this technique is only for the most daring, and Cécile Plaisance definitely is one of them.

In 2016 she turned to real-life models after five years of working with Barbies. Plaisance explained she was strolling through Instagram and saw some photos of Olga Kent. Their collaboration started to culminate this year with a project dedicated to animal conservation and environmental issues: in the black and white “Planet Earth” series, Plaisance uses the photomontage technique, superimposing endangered habitats and animals. A very important subject for future generations, with the woman always at the centre, perfect to deliver strong messages.

During quarantine this year, Plaisance shot a new series called Bubble Gum, the protagonist, Barbie of course, is blowing a big bubble gum while wearing a pair of wide sunglasses.

Q&A WITH ARTIST CÉCILE PLAISANCE

SD: “Your works are not just any regular photos, where you take a picture, you Photoshop it and then you print it out. It is rather a long and time-consuming job, where there result is not always perfect at just, How long does it take you to create one work, start to finish, using the lenticular approach?

CP: “I have used the lenticular technique for ten years now and I have found that it allows me to deliver a stronger message. The shooting is already very complex as the model must not move from one pose (dressed) to another (undressed). Then the work consists of superposing the 2 images so that some parts are not moving, for example the face, the eyes. It takes me between 20 to 50 hours to finish an artwork. But I love the result. So to make a complete series takes some time, several months. The production time is also very consuming. There are very few labels that are able to produce lenticular prints and even less manufacturers of lenticular sheets. At present, there are only 2 left in the world. I need to control every production as the sheets are no originally meant for art.

My latest series about the protection of the species, is not lenticular. It is printed on Ultrasmooth Hahnemühle paper, but I am using the same technique as I am superimposing a few images: the model, the specie, the climate change or the environmental issue... and the frame.”

SD: “You started your career photographing Barbie dolls, plastic and static objects. Later to turned to real life models, made of flesh and bones that move. What is the reason behind this choice and what is your preference?”

CP: “It was a natural move. After having shot Barbies for half of a decade, I wanted some change.. It happens that the beautiful Olga Kent (also on the picture of your cover) contacted me via Instagram. We decided to work together and we still are. She is so natural and so beautiful. Everything is easy with her. I can say that I truly enjoy shooting with real models. Each time I have a great connection with them. They come to my studio that is part of my place and we share some time together. Every series I do, I build it with them. They have to agree to every step. And of course the final image. I can say that my Barbies helped me very much and cam back during confinement, but I have much more pleasure working with humans.”

SD: “Behind all your works there is a clear message, whether it is the defense of women’s rights, stereotypes and injustice or climate change and environmental issues. Do you think good art should always have social implications?”

CP: “I think that it is my responsibility to do so. I can’t stay inactive. I am aware that it is a very small drop in the sea (French quote), but I try to help some causes. I am not sure though that it makes a good art. But it definitely makes a difference.

Q&A WITH ART GALLEY, ART ANGELS

SD: “Very few artists in the world use the lenticular approach, and Cécile is one of them, making her work one of a kind, unique and unexpected. What is the public general reaction to Cécile's works?”

AA: ‘Cécile’s pieces effortlessly make a statement that captures the attention of all of our collectors. Completely unexpected at first glance, she has become one of the most sought after artists at the gallery given the uniqueness of her works.”

SD: “Why did you choose to exhibit Cécile’s works? Do you share her values?”

AA: “We choose to exhibit Cécile as we strongly admired her as a female artist and the uniqueness of her artwork that continues to push boundaries and provoke thought.”

SD: “What do Cécile's works have in common with the others exhibited at your gallery?”

AA: “Cécile's works like this by all of artists breathe life, diversity, humor and uniqueness into each of our collectors homes. It is a pleasure to continuously hear how much joy works like Cécile's continue to bring to our collectors when their pieces enter into their collections.”

[agentsofvenn]

The Hunt

Sunlight didn’t get this far down, instead a carpet of bio luminescent lichen far above gave the vast tomb complex a blueish, dappled light. The damp ground squelched below Rakshain, each careful step in the moss-covered ground accompanied by a testing grind to ensure the ancient masonry held. A thin scowl lined a lean, stubble-coated chin as the assassin advanced, his dark, lank hair swaying gently in whatever charnel breeze there was. His blade was held low in both hands, the bound fang of some enormous beast sharpened down to a fine edge. 

The smell was awful. A combination of rotting flesh and fear. That was nothing new this far under the surface though, it was a deservedly unpleasant locale. What WAS out of the ordinary were the whispers that permeated the tomb; the malignant chattering in a language one would hope not to understand lest that understanding be a sickness of its own, skirting the senses, seeming to come from the walls themselves. A pervasive wrongness, and one that would be excised come the morrow if the Devkarin assassin had anything to say on the matter.

The aberration was not difficult to track; it had left a carpet of foul, slightly acidic slime as it went, like some nightmarish snail. These tracks were all over the tomb, but these were fresh; there was an absence of small creatures that had drowned in it. He was on the right track. It wasn’t until he heard it that he realized just how close he’d come though.

A heavy wheeze, like old bellows, rasping at an unpredictable timbre with no apparent rhythm. The sound of the being’s morbid, slug-like bulk being dragged bodily over the stone, and whimpers of pain as the pressure of its own advance pressed stray shards of masonry into its soft underbelly. This was it. The target.

Steeling his resolve, he moved into the next room. It was more cramped than he would have liked, its roof sloped and clearly not long from buckling in on itself. The once-paved ground was rife with mud and ichor, playing host to shelves of angry-looking fungi. And then...It turned. Rakshain was being very careful, and making no noise, it must have had some otherworldly method of finding him.

Hearing it was bad enough, but seeing the target turned even Rakshain’s ironclad stomach.

It dragged itself along in what appeared to be a bloody, membranous sheath, as though it had nestled in its own oversized placenta. The oozing outer flesh did seem to be part of it though, as it bled from multiple open wounds on its underside. The skeletal, vine-choked being that emerged from that profane base had the form of an eviscerated human, its tattered nerves still winding around it like a morbid anatomical diagram. From the clearly broken neck sprouted three horse-like skulls, dripping cerebrospinal fluid from every desiccated orifice, the hollows of its eyes choked with multifaceted lenses like a fly’s. Its forearms ended in mantis-like claws which gleamed in the not-light. 

It screamed from every face at once, and it was all the Devkarin could do to keep standing. The wrongness of the sound was at odds with the world, and his heart longed to end it more than it longed to flee. A grim snarl on his face, he leapt at the abomination, blade extending, ready to end the life of this being, if its tortured existence could really be called a life.

-

“What happened then? Did you kill it?” Anais demanded from across the table, causing Rakshain’s gaunt jaw to shift in amusement. 

“So eager. One would think you were my superior, demanding a report.” Analla shook her head with a little smile of her own as they ate, looking down at their daughter. She hadn’t eaten a bite since Rakshain had started talking, though typically it isn't because of the graphic nature of what was being recorded. THAT was Analla’s job, and he could already tell that telling such a grotesque story at the dinner table would earn him a scolding harsher than the experiences of the story themselves. Still. 

“So did you?” He clasped his hands, resting his chin on them as he sat forward.

“I am still here, am I not?” “You could have ran away.” 

“Do I ever run away.”

“Not from a fight.” Intervened Analla, with a pointed look. Rakshain had to fight to hide the subtle barbs her words bore. It was going to be a long night…

“Well, it lashed out at me, screaming its maddening scream, but I knew something it didn’t…”

-

“Don’t think she likes my stories?” The tower the family home was built into opened up into a neat little balcony that looked upon their cavernous home for miles around. Rakshain leaned against the stone wall, tense and frustrated. He felt a gentle touch against his elbow, and in spite of himself he could feel his form start to deflate a little. Analla always knew how to bypass his defenses the way no horror from the depths of the undercity could.

“No, I dare say she likes them a lot. You have a lot of them, and they’re all very thrilling and captivating to a young mind.”

“But?”

“...But there’s precious few stories of her. You are missing your daughter growing up.”

“Tch. I’m here often enough.” A little stung, he brushed the fragile touch off. She sighed, running a hand over her braided hair as she eyed the back of his head.

“I don’t think you are. Take some time off.”

“You don’t just “take time off” from the Ochran.”

“What is the alternative Rakshain? Your daughter growing up without a father?”

“Analla, you think I don’t miss you both terribly? When I’m out risking my life?”

“I think you do. Just not enough to actually do anything about it.” Her hand landed on his back. “Don’t shut me out. Let me in. You know we’re bloody unstoppable when we put our heads together.”

“...Yeah...look, it’s...difficult. I’ll try and be around more for her. For you.” Finally he turned, tugging his dusk-skinned lover into a tender embrace.

“Not for me. For her.”

“For her, but hey. You’re worth spending time with yourself, you know.”

“I’m trying to make a point…”

“And I’m trying to give a compliment. Looks like we’re at an impasse, madame.”

“...Ugh.” She shook her head, but this time there was a hint of a smile. “So be it.”

[wronaguide]

Limiting Beliefs & Reframing 

LIMIT: My partner is going to leave me eventually.

REFRAME: My partner can leave or stay based on what they chose as I can do the same. The freedom to both choose each other is much more valuable and authentic than a clause to stay together forever despite potential problems.

Also, if my partner leaves me that doesn’t equate to my ability to love or be loved. It doesn’t me I failed and I didn’t do enough for the relationship. It is a lesson along my life’s journey and I can heal, move forward, and learn from every single situation.

Lastly, when my partner loves me I have to respect and try to not push away and self sabotage the relationship. I have to know that I deserve to be loved and have someone to stay with me through thick and thin. I can be loved unconditionally and have a respectful and healthy relationship if we both work towards that.

LIMIT: I am always struggling. I am always, alone, broke, lonely, fat, ugly, and unhappy with work and life.

REFRAME: You are not always struggling you have so many wonderful people, memories, experiences, and opportunities that have brought so much joy and happiness.

Alone vs So Connected: I am not alone it’s only when I’m listening to my own inner saboteur that I am believing that I am not connected with others. so many people can relate to my experience, so many people would listen to me talk about anything, and so so many people would stand by me and support me making a tough decision. I have to make a choice to move closer to others than skew my perspective to fit a narrative to isolate myself.

Broke vs Rich in Life: I am not broke, when I look at my true values I have the things I want in this life which is relationships, passions, and experiences. I have always put experiences above my bank account status and it has lead to so much joy. These are moments I look forward to and things have always worked out in reality again my bank account hasn’t increased however I have always had a place to stay and pay rent, food to eat, medications to take, and trips to go on with borrowed money. I have my pet, my place, my friends, my beautiful family, and a full time job. All is not lost on the grander scheme of things and through the lenses of what I want richness to mean in my life.

Fat and Ugly vs Beautiful: I am not fat and I am not ugly. I have value regardless of my weight or acne or physical attributes. I know I don’t value those things in my friends and know that others who love me and therefore deserve my attention with their opinions only should matter. I can be beautiful with all my flaws as I love other’s despite their “flaws” as well. I know I deserve to love myself and also respect and thank my body and mind as it provides for me every single day and has allowed me to live a fuller life. Also, for my face it is the face of my parents, my family, and my heritage all of which I am grateful for a love all those people. I deserve to cherish myself for myself because of my intrinsic value and also out of respect for others who love my so so dearly and think and admire my beauty.

Unhappy vs Joy & Meaning: I am at times seemingly unhappy or within a certain distorted perspective I am unhappy but if I take away the disillusion I have all the things that bring me joy, happiness, and meaning in my life. I have a beautiful family, my pet, my amazing friends who inspire me, wonderful coworkers who have become friends, and mentors I’ve had in my life. I am able to learn and play and joke around. I am able to freely express myself as I please and I am connected to a higher power and can fill up my own spirit with true awareness of all I have, created, and been given. I get peace in understanding myself and having a spiritual reflection allows space for me to find contentment in just existing and being able to experience this world as a multifaceted human being.

With love,

Wrona

[kayincolwyn]

An Ember Of Magic (Christmas Eve reflection, 12-24-2021)

It's Christmas Eve again, and here I am again trying to find something to say about the holiday...

I guess I can start by saying that I remember when I was a child, back in the now long ago 80s and early 90s (okay I'm old, but not that old), being so excited for Christmas, and loving the anticipation of it, with all of the festive decorations and lights and carols and just the ambience and wonder of it all.

I remember watching my dad putting up strands of lights outside and paper bows on the walls and my mom lovingly decorating the Christmas tree, and watching Christmas movies on TV or VHS like A Christmas Story, Home Alone, and the George C. Scott Christmas Carol (and sure, you can throw Lethal Weapon and Die Hard in there too).

I even remember believing in Santa Claus, and writing him long lists of toys or games that I wanted (i.e. I can recall asking for Godzilla toys, which is kind of funny as I am currently wearing a Christmas themed Godzilla shirt that my wife Kaylyn got me as a Christmas Eve gift), believing there was this magical being of good will that delivered gifts to boys and girls around the world, and I still remember being disappointed when I finally discovered that it was just my parents, or other well meaning adults, who were no doubt a little harried and doing their best to try and give me and my sister some joy by way of the Christmas holiday, that were responsible for all the gifts that I received (although I was perhaps also a little relieved as Santa, in spite of his potentially bearing gifts, scared me a little, and even to the point of having him menacingly peer through my two story window and stare at me during a nightmare... and yeah I know, yikes).

But Santa or no Santa, during my childhood Christmas Day was the most magical day of the year, the most magical time of the year, and even when my dad was cranky or when my mom was anxious and even if I didn't always get what I wanted... and looking back now, and even knowing that my childhood wasn't perfect, and that I was really this lonely and awkward and kind of weird kid who had trouble fitting in and got picked on a lot at school, and even knowing that Christmas didn't, and couldn't, change that fact, I still remember it feeling magical somehow, and beyond just the promise of presents under the tree (though that was certainly part of it, ain't gonna lie).

As the years have gone by and I've gotten older though I'll admit that this time of year, that Christmas, has lost some of (if not all of) it's luster for me, what with becoming more aware of the blatant commercialism of the holiday (as is often the case in life, unfortunately, it's all about the money honey) and then how traditions are taken from here and there and how it's kind of this melting pot of ideas and symbols that we've all collectively kind of thrown together (and how there are various other winter time holidays that people celebrate as well, such as Hanukkah, Yule, Kwanzaa, and yes even Festivus for the rest of us), with different variations throughout the world, and then also becoming aware of its religious subtext (with the Nativity story with Jesus and Mary and Joseph and wise men and shepherds and angels and all of that) when I took on the worldview of Christianity in my late teens and throughout most of my twenties, and then defining the holiday through that mostly religious lenses during that time, and now, having largely let go of that worldview in my thirties, and also understanding just how complicated and multifaceted the holiday is, as well as how we all may experience it differently, I find myself wondering what this time of year means to me.

In my blog post on Christmas Eve last year I talked about light in the darkness, about Christmas Eve services in church where we would hold up candles in the dark, and how meaningful that was for me, and still is on at least some level, and that in a way that's what Christmas was about for me, finding light in the dark.

I suppose everything I said a year ago may still apply, that we need to try to find whatever light we can find in a world that can feel very dark indeed sometimes, but then two long years into this worldwide pandemic and with all the problems our country and our world still face, along with every individual struggle and burden we bear, sometimes it can feel like too much, like it's impossible to find any light in the darkness, or at least light enough to beat the darkness back, and it can sometimes feel as if there is any hope or peace or joy or love in this world that maybe it's something but it's still just not enough, not enough to resolve our struggles or lift our burdens, or to heal our wounds, let alone heal this country or this world.

And I don't know, maybe it isn't enough, and maybe it's just childish sentimentality or naïve idealism to think that such healing is even possible, that we can overcome this pandemic or other universal problems that effect so many of us like tribalism or inequality of all kinds or mental illness or climate change, that we can each of us make it through and be okay, and maybe it's foolish to try to look for reasons to smile or laugh (or joke, as I have tried to do here in this post a few times) in times like these when so many are struggling and hurting and grieving and feel so alone, silly to search for hope or peace or joy or love or light in a world that oftentimes doesn't seem to have nearly enough of it or as much as we need of it so things can be as, deep down, we know they should be or could be.

Maybe, I don't know, and I don't know exactly why things are as they are for this country or this world or for any of us as individuals, why life, well, just sucks sometimes, and especially in a time of year like this which many of us remember being magical but now isn't so much as it was, if it is at all anymore, or ever was, or is now even like a knife twisted in the heart for those who have no cause, or heart, to celebrate.

Now I know that tomorrow I will more likely than not awake on Christmas Day in a warm bed and can look forward to opening gifts again with family, as I have for nearly 40 years now, and I am grateful for that as I know that many will awake tomorrow cold or alone or with no gifts at all to look forward to or to a world full of more darkness than light at least for them, and I admit this is a fact I try not to dwell on too much as the enormity of it all is too heavy for me to carry, but it is a fact I don't want to ignore either.

What can I say to that though, and with that knowledge in the back of my mind, how the world is a kind of a mess right now in a lot of ways (and maybe always has been) and how there are so many for whom hope and peace and joy and love and light seem like distant dreams at best, how can I respond to that?

Honestly I'm not sure, and don't have any original or profound answers here, but can only say that in my own life there have been times when I've struggled, grieved, felt lost or alone in the dark without any light to hold onto or see my way by, or at least I've experienced enough of that at times to have some understanding of how hard it can be to be human or be in this world, so on some level I get it I think, get how shitty life can be, and by extension how shitty holidays like Christmas can be because things like that remind us more of what we don't have or what we've lost.

But aside from that I'll admit that, at least for me, it's also because I'm kind of stubborn, and don't care too much if I'm seen as sentimental or naïve by some out there, because there is this part of me, and maybe it's the part of me that still believes in magic in spite of everything and in spite of the passage of time, believes that beyond all the commercialism and the religious dogma surrounding Christmas that there is something worth considering, that all the decorations and lights and carols and ambience and Santa and baby Jesus and Christmas and all of our winter holidays and traditions are pointing towards something that may be, or at least could be, meaningful and true, and insists that there can be more hope, more peace, more joy, more love, more light, in the world, or enough of it, that that's possible, and even if it's not easy, and as hard as it can be and as hopeless as it can feel sometimes in life, still shamelessly gives a finger (or maybe a candle) to the darkness and refuses to give up.

But this is just me (and not even me all the time I admit as sometimes I have felt like giving up, even if somehow I don't and keep going because again I'm kind of stubborn), and I can only speak for myself and I don't expect everyone to be like me (nor do I really think that would be very desirable as I'm kind of a weird guy as I have made clear here I'm sure), but would only offer this stance as one potential stance to take, the stance of trying to find whatever hope, peace, joy, love, light, and yes magic, that you can and holding onto it, and being open at least to the possibility that there is more of it out there and that there's enough of it to go around, and that maybe there can be healing for us all, someway, somehow, someday, and that in the end it will be okay, because these things, even if they may seem weaker and smaller, are still stronger and greater than the darkness.

As far as why I have this stance and believe, or try to believe, such things, aside from my stubbornness, I guess it's in part my faith or spirituality, such as it is, even though I no longer identify with Christianity and its worldview, but am still open to some deeper reality or force behind or underneath things that I at least hope is positive or benevolent, a light in the darkness if you will, and also have this sense that we are connected to or part of that deeper reality or force or light, and maybe that's not clear or very defined but it's where I am at I guess.

Do I still have questions? Sure. Do I still have doubt and uncertainty? Absolutely. But again in spite of that each day I choose to hold on and keep going, which is all that I really can do I guess.

And I know I'm far from being the only one who has questions and doubt and uncertainty in this crazy ass world, and to ask others to hold on and keep going can sure be a big ask sometimes, but it's something I'll keep asking of others because it's something that I'll keep asking of myself as well.

If I'm preaching a sermon here (which is not my aim, that's for damn sure, but if that's still how it comes off then I apologize profusely) then I'm preaching it to myself too, because I need as much exhortation as anyone, and when I am trying to encourage others I am also trying to encourage myself as I need as much encouragement as anyone, and if I try to bring light to others I also try to bring it to myself, because, you guessed it, I need light as much as anyone.

Anyway, it's late now, 4:44 am to be exact, so I should probably wrap this up and head to bed so I'm not too much of a zombie on Christmas Day (as I doubt anyone got me brains for Christmas, though I could sure use some more of those...), but will leave you with this excerpt from a poem I wrote for a good friend of mine as a Christmas gift this year, as a way of expressing how I feel about Christmas and what it means to me:

A goddess sleeps Her fire an ember Cold hands Warm heart of December Grief and magic We all remember

[asyipyip]

Actually thinking about this I think the reason why this as a concept that can only truly fester online is because online, we’re not a “community”

Like in the age of social media all of the people you interact with still have some form of disconnect- or anonymity

You say shitty things to someone who is supposed to be your companion online and- that’s just it. You can block them or get blocked but truly unless you’re getting attacked on mass there’s no real consequences for being shitty and gatekeepy

Where as in irl queer spaces - where community actually exists and means something there’s consequences if you tell someone they don’t belong. It’s no longer a random stranger you’re belittling and trying to “force out”, it’s John the actual person with actual ties to people in your community.

The lgbt+ community is exactly what it says it is, a community. It’s not just a cluster of labels where we decide what labels are valid or not, it’s your neighbours, your friends, your family who you find solidarity and companionship in through similar lived experiences and a social safety net found through each other.

When you look at it through a lense of community where people interact with and support each other and not just a bunch of boxes to tick where you prove if you’re “oppressed enough” gatekeeping looks incredibly stupid and chronically online.

We are people, our labels help us identify ourselves and each other- but they don’t define us! Queer people are much more multifaceted than just “a group of people who face oppression.”

ive said before that being exclusionary is a concept that i think only can exist in online groups but ill say this confidently

i would rather have a supportive cishet person in my queer spaces than a queer person who spends their time and energy trying to force other people out

"this person isnt queer theyre ace-" i dont care. i do not care. i dont care what you think, if theyre more comfortable in queer spaces then let them exist there. its not my job to tell people if theyre queer or not. if their existence isnt inherently harmful, then why would i care if theyre included, they should be

"they arent oppressed-" im not gonna argue about that. i dont know, its not my wheelhouse. but i will say, queer people are not solely defined by their hardships, we are more than that.

rapists racists and pedophiles are the only people we should be "excluding"

anyone else can vibe for real

[ujjwalakaizen]

Effective tips for Augmented Reality as a Media Trend

Augmented Reality (AR) can be quite addictive! Need proof? Remember Pokémon Go? The game not only had kids addicted, but even adults also couldn’t get enough of the Pokémon appearing on the mobile screen while they took walks. The game was a smash hit and is still popular today. This is the power of AR, and this ability is tapped and transitioned into a trend for other forms of media as well. Just ask any creators doing corporate video production in Pune, India and you’ll know the potential of Augmented Reality.

What is Augmented Reality?

Digitally enhanced, a computer-generated perception that interplays with reality through a digital screen is augmented reality. Though some like to compare it with Virtual Reality (VR), the truth is that it's different because it does not encompass the surrounding environments. It is limited to the digital screen and encompasses and integrates only what your screen captures. But this is an advantage as it develops along with other technologies. AR is also not too immersive and is much easier to make develop.

Augmented Reality in India

India is already a gaming and digital media hub, so unsurprisingly, the AR and VR industries are set to boom here in the coming years. These industries together are predicted to be worth $571.42 billion and will have applications in industries like media, social media, gaming, events, entertainment, education, healthcare, real estate, and retail.  

Media Applications

Currently, AR is taking the media industry by storm, and corporate video marketing companies in Pune, India are ushering in the use of AR to enhance media experiences. Here’s how they are doing it:

Create Unique Content

Imagine if you were able to create a corporate video for IT company in Pune, India but rather than the usual format, you make use of AR to create a multifaceted, interactive, and user-friendly video that is high on viewer experience. This is happening right now and all content strategies are aligning with AR for videos, posts, presentations, and other visual representations mediums. AR is allowing users to create unique content that truly represents a brand.

Enhanced Online Shopping Experience

Many online retails brands are now allowing users to upload pictures and 3D-generated images of themselves to try on clothes, spectacle lenses, hairstyles, and makeups. Yes, users can actually see how they will look with a product and this is expected to boost sales through an enhanced shopping experience.

Informative Posts

On social media, AR will allow businesses to create educational and interactive posts that provide the right information about a product or service, and the brand. Once someone gets all the important information, they develop trust towards that business, making them inclined to become a loyal customer. This strategy is being used by all corporate video makers in Pune.  

Augmented reality is here to stay and will play an important role in all forms of visual media.

Browse more articles by Kaizen Design Studio: SIMPLE WAYS TO USE LOCAL SEO FOR YOUR LOCAL BUSINESS

About Us

Kaizen Design Studio is a multi-faceted digital marketing company in Pune with an unwavering focus on attaining numerous Uno status amongst advertising agencies in Pune. We do this through creativity, dedication, technological advancement, and unmatched customer service. Get in touch with us for the right marketing and advertising solutions.

Continuous improvement’, as our tagline reads, is the main principle of Kaizen. We at Kaizen Design Studio, strive to continuously improve ourselves and our services. We believe in pushing the boundaries of creativity, and setting new standards of achievement for ourselves.

Applying these principles and more, Kaizen Design Studio has grown from strength to strength, and is now one of the most sought after, best digital marketing company in pune.

Contact Us

Sr.No. 20/3/2, Pashan Road,

Near to Maratha Mandir,

Bavdhan Khurd, Pune, 411021

Email Id : info@kaizendesignstudio.com

Website : https://www.kaizendesignstudio.com/

[pkaizen]

Effective tips for Augmented Reality as a Media Trend

Augmented Reality (AR) can be quite addictive! Need proof? Remember Pokémon Go? The game not only had kids addicted, but even adults also couldn’t get enough of the Pokémon appearing on the mobile screen while they took walks. The game was a smash hit and is still popular today. This is the power of AR, and this ability is tapped and transitioned into a trend for other forms of media as well. Just ask any creators doing corporate video production in Pune, and you’ll know the potential of Augmented Reality.

What is Augmented Reality?

Digitally enhanced, a computer-generated perception that interplays with reality through a digital screen is augmented reality. Though some like to compare it with Virtual Reality (VR), the truth is that it's different because it does not encompass the surrounding environments. It is limited to the digital screen and encompasses and integrates only what your screen captures. But this is an advantage as it develops along with other technologies. AR is also not too immersive and is much easier to make develop.

Augmented Reality in India

India is already a gaming and digital media hub, so unsurprisingly, the AR and VR industries are set to boom here in the coming years. These industries together are predicted to be worth $571.42 billion and will have applications in industries like media, social media, gaming, events, entertainment, education, healthcare, real estate, and retail.

Media Applications

Currently, AR is taking the media industry by storm, and corporate video marketing companies in Pune are ushering in the use of AR to enhance media experiences. Here’s how they are doing it:

Create Unique Content

Imagine if you were able to create a corporate video for IT company in Pune, but rather than the usual format, you make use of AR to create a multifaceted, interactive, and user-friendly video that is high on viewer experience. This is happening right now and all content strategies are aligning with AR for videos, posts, presentations, and other visual representations mediums. AR is allowing users to create unique content that truly represents a brand.

Enhanced Online Shopping Experience

Many online retails brands are now allowing users to upload pictures and 3D-generated images of themselves to try on clothes, spectacle lenses, hairstyles, and makeups. Yes, users can actually see how they will look with a product and this is expected to boost sales through an enhanced shopping experience.

Informative Posts

On social media, AR will allow businesses to create educational and interactive posts that provide the right information about a product or service, and the brand. Once someone gets all the important information, they develop trust towards that business, making them inclined to become a loyal customer. This strategy is being used by all corporate video makers in Pune.

Augmented reality is here to stay and will play an important role in all forms of visual media.

Browse more articles by Kaizen Design Studio: SIMPLE WAYS TO USE LOCAL SEO FOR YOUR LOCAL BUSINESS

About Us

Kaizen Design Studio is a multi-faceted digital marketing company in Pune with an unwavering focus on attaining numerous Uno status amongst advertising agencies in Pune. We do this through creativity, dedication, technological advancement, and unmatched customer service. Get in touch with us for the right marketing and advertising solutions.

Continuous improvement’, as our tagline reads, is the main principle of Kaizen. We at Kaizen Design Studio, strive to continuously improve ourselves and our services. We believe in pushing the boundaries of creativity, and setting new standards of achievement for ourselves.

Applying these principles and more, Kaizen Design Studio has grown from strength to strength, and is now one of the most sought after, best digital marketing company in pune.

Contact Us

Sr.No. 20/3/2, Pashan Road,

Near to Maratha Mandir,

Bavdhan Khurd, Pune, 411021

Email Id : info@kaizendesignstudio.com

Website : https://www.kaizendesignstudio.com/

[rennyji]

so despite me saying to "act natural" hundreds of times over these 11+years and recently, people prefer to take the effort, and waste the energy, to do what the orchestrators say, and act in a manner that suits the "project/program/situation."-

-acting natural requires nothing from U. Just be U; don't hide that this "situation" for 11+ years occurred; and go by what comes to mind when U see me, or by a direct conversation/interaction. Simple. You can stop wasting your time on this pointless endeavor to pervert my life.-

-if that's too hard, go F*k urself. 11+ years of saying it? - I think is enough.

moving on...normal tweets...-

Bronxville Pondfield Road has several stores on both sides of the street. From outside, nice looking buildings, and you suspect the insides are about quality stuff. But the parking situation is ridiculous. To shop and spend money, U have to spend money on parking at the meters-

- &theres only like 20 meter parking spaces 4all these stores. Shouldn't the landlords or whoever contemplate the business that these stores are losing from lack of parking? -

-U drive all the way there, find out no parking...what do U do? Drive in circles until some1 vacates their meter parking space? What a waste of time...someone should do something for such a busy area...

Try drinks from Rebbl...they can be coffee substitutes...you can get them at ShopRite, but Wegmans has more variety in that brand...They're pretty expensive, but I hope if more people buy them or see their value, eventually the price will go down... https://rebbl.co/

I miss the days when Starbucks had an online store. Could have fresh coffee beans delivered to your residence...now you gotta go all the way to the store...-wait...did i tweet that already? if so, sorry for the repeat...

If you have an Alexa device, search the “Echo Wall Clock” on Amazon. It sets itself, especially when daylight savings time.

Have a “Hey Google” device? Try the “Philips Hue” smart bulb and multicolor smart bulb. The multicolor one provides different colors to the room on a “Hey Google” command. Search Amazon...

Im not sure if the orchestrators areTrying 2get me 2buy stuff or not, buts its like, from boxers to undershirts to socks to fleeces to shirts-theyve all goneMissing. I mean I know I had a ton of theseThings, when they all randomlyDisappear from ur laundry, U justThink, now what?!

so heard about the Blum Center and gave advice on healthier living...while their products are expensive, you learn about the benefits of all sort of stuff, even simple things like chia seeds and fiber and how they can keep you full and aid with morning bathroom rituals...- - from talk in previous tweet, this is the Blum Center's link: https://blumcenterforhealth.com/

John Douillard and his LifeSpa in Colorado (offering Skype meetings) can also aid with better lifestyles and healthier living. It's rooted in Ayurveda and Yoga and Meditation. Check out their site: https://lifespa.com/

Nothing like 90s music on Spotify...with the exception of their 2010s playlist for hits, Spotify is an indicator to me that music has gone downhill...

There’s something very attractive to me about a bottle of coke vs. the can... it’s just...aesthetically pleasing and tasty...

so there's like 10-20 normal tweets below. twitter has the most recent tweet on top. scroll down for the starting tweet with today's date... My twitter handle is @RennyJi or you can not follow me on twitter and still read with the web link: twitter dot com slash rennyji

in addition to the morning normal tweets, a thought-

So from my old complaints to the police elaborating on the science of a situation, it turns out I left out something that became transparent to me recently: This concept of filters people see through or the figurative lenses on the glasses they wear. -

-Years ago, I think there was something about me being a sweetheart and in need of friends( by a girl and her friends, a school, who cares, at this point)...ok...ummm..reality being, i see the concept of friends and relationships just like the next person: through fate, destiny,-

-or something as simple as bumping into someone repeatedly at a coffeeshop, you meet people.(Not by “the situation” discussing your whereabouts and timing. What I said is how things naturally happen and the “back to before all this/back to normal” idea that I’m after, along with not hiding anything) To see me, through the lens that I’m on some kind of endeavor to be an American icon, make everyone my -

-friend- well, that doesn’t match my goals, interests or personalities. In all that I do being relayed (probably, I dunno), maybe from my Twitter, you heard from me about how I kept a girl in my prayers; -

-maybe you heard since my childhood best friend/girl friend moved away, I’ve been on a lifelong quest for a replacement; maybe from the orchestrators you heard I can be loving to my sibling...-

-from the orchestrators, you see me as a, I guess, f* me, a sensitive caring male. From my stories, maybe you know my values. -

-But bear in mind, these are aspects or sides to a multifaceted personality, just like everyone else. Who I share the above sides or personas with, are my loved ones (family/friends). -

-So this raises the problem of who is my audience, when I or someone on my behalf, says things. I keep saying talk to me directly, because how I may be with you individually, may be different from a painting of my identity, for better or worse.-

-So two things thus far...what lens/ filter are you seeing me through? Next question, are you the intended audience? And all of this boils down to reputation. The concept of a person’s status in society, their reputation globally is something people work very hard for. -

-It is my intention to sue the orchestrators for soiling my reputation. Understanding this, they are of the belief, by relaying my life, a reputation will follow. But then the concept of audiences, filters, all rise again. -

-You*re making my reputation as America’s son/friend.-Not interested, beyond the Golden Rule. I renounce being an American, after what your people did, and I uphold my Indian heritage.  11 years of my life...hmmm...yeah I feel like the orchestrators are prostituting my life. -

-Im in a crazy situation. A 90 year old b*tch & her possibly lesbian passenger give me the OK to take a parking space. I go out to take it. She then stops me w/her car randomly, while the tool of a couple behind me shake their hands 4 me, to ignore the parking, and drive ahead.-

-I had my signal on, I was moving toward the space before all this happened ...you know, be it because of a “situation” or the filter this white woman sees “herself “through, she is not my boss, and her attitude on the road would only succumb to my attitude. -

-What does she think of herself? That disgusting nasty face she made. Does she see herself as superior? The nerve. All after she tells me to take the space, and then decides to take it herself. -

-The orchestrators tell family, friends, strangers to give me something to read into...it’s mind exploding because you expect me to take the bait and keep writing...I’ve praised women in my speech and in my writing, over their beauty and value in a mans life. -

-Like today, at a stop sign, driving home or taking a short cut elsewhere, saw a gorgeous tan blonde smiling. Seeing someone like her, for herself, can brighten any mans day, like a day of sunlight. But it should naturally happen.

-But that said, I’ve shown a value, a side. For some, it’s an opportunity to overestimate ur self worth. I am not desperate, despite throwing myself across the table. -

In this world, without sacrificing my dignity, from one extreme to another, I can arrange a marriage, or if it was about getting laid, pay someone. I aim to do things the right way. But then I see the 90 year old and idiot middle aged American women on the side of them -

-road involving themselves in this aforementioned parking attempt. Your rosy lives are ur rosy lives. I live in reality unlike whatever cloud You live on, while being a victim of abuse by the American orchestrators. So, Keep a check on ur attitudes in response in reading this.-

-Years ago, and now, I’ll say it again to my surroundings, I am a practitioner of the Golden Rule. I respect those who respect me. Some of you, in your world of games, please go waste someone else’s time. An American icon? A paragraph ago, -

- I explained how I see friends, because of randomness being flung on me like sh*t out of a toilet, for the purpose of constantly explaining things. -

-I make myself available, when and where, to anyone who’s anyone. The orchestrators want to dictate who can glance at me or make me approachable. Childish nonsense. Not out to make myself any more approachable than I am.

- Now I need some kind hearted person to talk to me and tell me what's going on. That Im not out of my mind. If ur waiting for this cr*p to be over, none of you will ever see me. I mean, I'm after peace of mind, and when I needed you, in the way that I did, you were never there.

-The orchestrators may tell you to so called "support me" by doing this/that...but that is not from me, may not even match the plan of the day. I honestly cannot make out what they're saying. -

If I'm right about stuff, its through coincidence or me figuring things out on my own. From any of you, the community, All I'm asking is for you to be a true American at heart and do the hard thing of telling me what's going on.-

-Thats the only thing I ever needed. Ud be a lifelong friend&hero. After this, w/my lawsuitMoney, Ill be on some privateEstate, far away, from these past ridiculous places of America. All I wanted 4 all these yrs  is peace of mind & the Mutual Respect that the orchestrators took.-

-But going back to what I was saying, at the end of the day, beyond family and loved ones, I am not your friend or your enemy, or even paying attention to the cr*p left for me to read into. That stuff is between you and the orchestrators you blindly and ridiculously follow.-

-If you are not talking to me directly, then you are not helping me. Playing with your phone won’t make you a saint-for the orchestrators, in the past, I called this the American idol mentality. You think by voting for someone to win, you’re altruistic.-

-Save your energy, direct it towards someone who will appreciate it, or do something constructive. I’ve given my spheel about “being natural without hiding anything.” That’s the only help I seek. End of the day, you be you, I’ll be me. -

-At the beginning of this &now, Ive made it clear, not out of anger, spite, or because Im fresh out of some troubling incident: mind your own business. I don’t want you in my life, and to be honest, I don’t want to be in your heads either beyond the practice of the Golden Rule.-

-Get at me (Slang), or kindly get lost (Literal).-

-These sounds tell me they’re going to “do away” with me. The extent, depth, seriousness of that I dunno. (But if I’m to meet my end, I want the Americans to know this much from me, amidst the clouds you live on. -

-At the end of this, you all and the kid sounding faction of the orchestrators are in for a surprise. Really walked into it, as  you'll figure out, soon enough.)-

-Ur faces or reactions or gestures do not match up to my writings, what I’m being told, etc.(this part goes to everyone, but especially my parents- I feel these people (orchestrators) are lying to you regarding their intentions and what they direct at me.)

-From past complaints being relevant in the present day or not, not gonna elaborate on past things after this. Way too much time for something I’m not willingly taking part in or interested in. Take care.

ending it for today with a few normal tweets -

Coffee machines with adjustable strength settings...expensive, but worth it!

getting a starbucks card, or memberships with doordash or massage places can be rewarding...

a person can say/do 10,000 good things, and being human, do 1 bad thing...but through human nature, other people will only remember/consider the bad thing without thinking things through...