#and you don’t have to be Catholic to pray the Rosary! all are welcome

[angeltreasure]

Hi, i feel better when i pray the rosary, but sometimes i have this insecurity (?) That makes me wonder if im doing too much, most people my age probably dont pray it as much and idk, i guess i just wanted to hear from someone that prays it more regularly that its good

I was actually going through the same thing last December asking myself, am I doing too much? A person who last year, who I kindly asked for spiritual direction, actually made fun of me for praying all the prayers that I did, but especially the Rosary. He tried to make fun, saying I cling to my Rosary beads trembling with fear of every little thing and that my prayers all the years of my life up were useless. Don’t listen to that little voice on your head that is trying to tell you otherwise, or anyone in person like that I had, because the truth is we can never do too much for God. God doesn’t need anything from us because He made us, but praying is in itself loving Him. When we pray the Rosary, we take our mind off of the world and instead meditate on the lives of Jesus Christ and His mother, Mary.

Do not be afraid to pray and do not be afraid to love the Rosary. Our Rosary looks like beads to us but to the evil one he sees a sword. Keep it close to your side like a knight and pray it whenever you’d like, wherever you’d like, and as many times as you’d like.

I highly recommend it. I even encourage you to try out doing it in different ways, alone in a whisper, aloud with family, praying it with Relevant Radio, checking out the videos offered by Word on Fire and EWTN (especially the ones of Mother Angelica and her nuns), pray it outside when you exercise, pray it in a group at church, go to a Rosary rally, pray it for others such as outside of an abortion clinic, etc.

Prayer is good. The Rosary is good! 🙏🏻💚☘️

Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.

- Psalm 144:1

The Holy Rosary. The Glorious Mysteries led by Mother Angelica to pray on Wednesdays and Sundays.

If you download the EWTN app you can get the full video for free and use it on any device!

[therealslimshakespeare]

so how do ida and John both deal with the grappling between religion and the fact that she’s pregnant? I imagine there’s a lot of nuance and interesting perspectives with that

Ooh this hits. *straightens up in my seat and tightens the harness*

I’m assuming you mean Ida and John Brady -not John Egan…I’m gonna assume that but, there’s too many John’s in one place here haha.

Ok, caution, this gets dark, cheers—-

I do have the headcanon, and it’s very much just my headcanon, that the Brady’s are a rather typical Irish American Catholic family from rural New York. Different say, from that of the inner city rough and tumble sort.

They grew up with community, a church where mass was attended and precepts considered law, rosaries are in their footlockers, crucifixes tangled in the dog tags. They give thanks for their food, they save sex for marriage and they try to do right by their fellow man -and sometimes that requires bombing the fuck outta nazi bullies.

So here they are. And now…this.

I think from a religious stand point the “blame” is very obviously not on Ida. Johnny would never think so, ever, although there’s certainly the very real aspect of “shame” about it, but not in a faulty way. She didn’t have fun in the backseat during a drive in movie and now she’s knocked up.

Obvs there is no “blame” for any rape victim but I don’t think even a very “self-blaming” person like Ida thinks she coulda done more in this case.

However, also from a religious stand point, what’s ahead is very very very rough because, according to their beliefs -this means she’s with child, that’s a life in there, and yet, all circumstances considered, both brother and sister can’t help but hope the pregnancy doesn’t last.

Malnutrition and a host of other natural stressors could easily -and guiltlessly- terminate this “condition” and I think it’s a bit of a pall on both of them that they almost want to pray for it. But could never.

Ok, maybe Johnny does so his sister isn’t the damned one…

Let’s add Bucky in here too because even though it’s not a religious issue for him, he still considers that to be a baby, and to wish it away is awful, to have Ida killed for it is awful, to have a baby born with German fathers is also awful.

Literally all of it messes with everything he feels is fair or right and ought to be untouched by this war. He figured there’d be hard decisions, this is another level entirely.

Anyway, hope this didn’t get too dark for you but hey, welcome to the sorta history deep dives I do instead of drinking sangria and chilling out. 🫡🤗

[yousayiamloved]

an introduction of sorts

hello everyone, thank you for visiting my blog~ now, uhhhh, you’re probably wondering who the heck i am :P please note, first of all, that if my interaction with you makes you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to block me (/g). i am not formally educated in any religion or faith. all i have is my own personal research.

i will not disclose my real name at this time, if ever. what i will tell you is that i am in my mid-twenties, i am ridiculously gay and identify as genderqueer 🏳️‍🌈 my pronouns are strictly they/them. i am pro-choice and my beliefs are on the left side of the spectrum.

it is worth noting that i don’t think any religion is more valid than any other. in my personal opinion, the universe is full of love and life. there is a force behind it all, i think, that we humans can’t comprehend. so to make it more palatable for our minds, we give this force different name(s) and different stories. but behind all of it is love. i just want to spread love and acceptance towards all to the best of my abilities.

any people of any faith (or lack thereof) are welcome here. buddhist? you’re welcome here. muslim? you’re welcome here. pagan? you’re welcome here. atheist or agnostic? you’re welcome here. etc. i think you get what im trying to say. if you are here out of love and free from malicious intent, you are welcome here.

if you are LGBTQIA+ (the 'a' stands for asexual and aromantic, people!) you are also welcome too! this includes poc of any gender or sexuality, including trans people. and yes, that includes trans women.

all of this is my personal opinion. i am not here to spread the word or coerce people into any sort of church or way of life. i just want people to feel loved. if i ever say something to offend anyone on accident i am deeply sorry. feel free to call me out so i don't make that mistake again.

what’s your point?

i believe the title of this blog will suffice. i am a deeply spiritual person; always have been and always will be. maybe this blog will be a blip in the universe, never to be seen or remembered, but i wish to spread the love that i feel within my heart. it is worth noting that i suffer from major depression, and sometimes the love isn’t felt. but it always comes back to me. i hope to share some of that love and peace with you.

oh god, you’re not some jesus/christianity freak, are you?

lol, no, not in the slightest. while it is true that much of my faith and practices lie in catholicism (as almost all of my family is catholic) i am not here to preach or be holier than thou. i am not a baptized catholic. i believe in reincarnation, the ability to sense and alter the energy around oneself, and magick. i am deeply interested in animism, too, among other things. i pray the rosary and meditate whenever i can.

are you baptized?

nope! however, my heart is filled with love and kindness, and i just want to help people. i have studied multiple religions over the course of my life (it is a bit of a hyper obsession of mine lol). i have a basic grasp on a few religions. while i haven’t been officially baptized by a church, i was ‘baptized’ by my mother as a child; she sprinkled holy water on my head and said a few words. imo, this is just as valid. it was an event performed by one of the people i love the most in this world and the memory of that is clear in my mind.

uh….. are you, uh……. having delusions of religious grandeur….?

nope! well, i dont think i am. i am not claiming to be a religious figurehead or prophet or anything of that sort. im just a regular person who wants to spread some love in this hellscape we all seem to be living in.

love, my friends, is the answer.

(please give this a like if you've read this far! have a wonderful day!)

[traumacatholic]

I’ve compiled a collection of resources for anyone that’s interested in Catholicism, I have tried as best as I can to ensure that all resources linked are free. When it comes to books, I would recommend checking in with your local library or local Catholic Church. I’ve tried to cover main aspects that people interested in Catholicism are likely to want to check out, whilst also hopefully not being overwhelming.

If you have any questions about anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me and I will try my best to help. And likewise I’d also recommend doing searches on some of these websites and Youtube channels linked - because they likely go into a lot more depth on all kinds of topics.

You are more than welcome to share this compilation of resources elsewhere. I only ask that if you’ve benefitted from this resource or appreciate the work put in, that you please keep me in your prayers. I’m not responsible for any of the resources linked here, I have only compiled ones that I think would be useful for those considering the faith.

Bible resources:

Bible Gateway [Online Bible Resource]

Bible [iOS App] / Bible [Android App]

The Bible in a Year (with Fr. Mike Schmitz) [Podcast]

Bible Translations Guide [Article]

What Were the Criteria for Determining Which Books Belong in the Bible? [Video, with transcript]

Did the Early Christians Subscribe to Sola Scriptura? [Article]

Bible Study Tools You Can Start Using Right Now [Video]

How Do You Pray with the Bible? [Video]

How to Read and Understand the Whole Bible

Agape Bible Study [Free Online Bible Studies]

Prayer:

The Power of Prayer [Video]

Tips for Staying Focused in Prayer [Video]

How You Can Start Praying Regularly (feat. Danielle Bean) [Video]

The Essentials: Basic Catholic Prayers [Article]

7 Catholic Prayers to Memorize (Besides The Our Father, Hail Mary & Glory Be) [Video]

Prayer 101: How to Start Talking to God [Article]

Laudate [iOS app] / Laudate [Android App]

How to Pray the Rosary [Article]

Daily Prayer for Beginners [Article]

Tips for Praying [Video

Understanding the Mass:

iBreviary [iOS App] / iBreviary [Android App]

How the Mass Finds Its Roots in the Bible [Video]

Online Sunday Mass videos with Ascension Presents [Videos]

Complete Catholic Mass For Beginners - Step by Holy Step (Novus Ordo) [Video]

Explaining the Faith - The Mass Explained [Video]

The Mass: Structure and Meaning [Article]

A Walk Through the Mass: A Step-by-Step Explanation [PDF]

The Ultimate Simple Guide to Catholic Mass [Article]

The Lamb's Supper : The Mass as Heaven on Earth by Scott Hahn [Book, multiple formats]

The Eucharist throughout history: A timeline [Article]

The Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church

Introduction to the Seven Sacraments [Article]

How To Explain The 7 Sacraments Without Boring Your Children [Article]

The Seven Sacraments [Video] 

Sacraments of the Catholic Church [article] 

Sacraments and Sacramentals [Article]

The Seven Sacraments Instituted by Jesus Christ [Article] 

Are The Catholic 7 Sacraments Biblical | The Catholic Talk Show [Video]

The Seven Sacraments [Article] 

The Seven Sacraments [Article]

Experience the power of the Sacraments [Video]

How to become Catholic:

Becoming a Catholic [Article]

How to Become a Catholic [Article]

How Does Someone Become Catholic? [Video]

Why Be Catholic and Not Just Christian? [Video]

How to become Catholic in 5 Steps [Video]

How to Become Catholic - Where to Start [Video]

Seven tips for new Catholics, from one convert to another [Article]

How to Join the Catholic Church / Insight into RCIA [Article]

Thinking of Becoming a Catholic? [Article]

Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey to Catholicism by Scott and Kimberley Hahn [Book, multiple formats]

Books

Catholicism: A Journey to the Heart of the Faith by Bishop Robert Barron [Book, multiple formats]

10 Great Books for Catholic Converts [Article]

A Comprehensive Book Guide For The Beginning Catholic Apologist [Article]

TOP 20 MOST CATHOLIC Books to Read!!! [video]

Books Suggestions for Anyone New to Catholicism [video]

Best Catholic Books! (Best Catholic books for learning your faith) [Video]

Verbum [iOS App]  / Verbum [Android App]

My Catholic Life! Series [Books, multiple formats]

The Confessions of Saint Augustine [Book, article format]

“Story of a Soul” – by Saint Thérèse of Lisieux [Book, article format]

Miscellaneous Resources

Get These Apps! My Top 5 Catholic Apps For Your Phone | Preview Included [video]

TOP Catholic phone apps! Magnificat, Laudate, Vatican, Hallow etc. [Video]

HOW TO BECOME CATHOLIC: WHAT TO READ & RESEARCH!! [video]

10 Free places to learn about the Catholic faith [article]

Catholic [website]

CATHOLIC SOCIAL TEACHING 101 VIDEOS AND MATERIALS [Videos and handouts]

The Teachings of the Early Church [PDF]

Aletia [Website]

Catholicism: Faith, Resources, & Practices [Website]

Isolated but not alone: resources for Catholics [Article]

Now, there is certainly a lot more to Catholicism than what I’ve linked here. But this should hopefully serve as a good introductory guide. God bless you on your journey!

[queerprayers]

hey, do you have any lent ideas? i’m not a very observant/emotionally spiritually engaged catholic at this point in my life. but i am mentally and culturally there. like i want to keep doing this tradition, even if i haven’t been to church in a while and don’t imagine taking myself for a long while.

however, i just don’t know what i can give up. i really don’t spend money on anything i don’t need, and taking away some of that from myself just seems cruel. limiting luxuries wouldn’t be noticeable. idk what to do!

much love <3

Hello, beloved! Great question!

If your life is already simple, especially if you don't have very much, you're right, taking away something that makes you happy would just be miserable. There's a lot of assumption that goes into Lent suggestions/guidelines, and one of those is that the person reading them is reasonably well-off, regularly has enough to eat, and has a lot of extra things/activities in their life. For so many of us, these things aren't true.

So let's take the focus away from punishing/limiting and find a practice that you can add/include in your life! Here are some ideas—and anyone's welcome to add their own suggestions in the replies.

Start a daily/almost-daily/whenever-you-can prayer practice! We got the rosary, prayer books, guided meditation, taking a walk in the woods, crying—all great ways to pray. (My prayer tag)

Start/come back to/continue reading the Bible! (My Bible tag)

Set aside a day of rest/prayer! You could look into the Jewish Sabbath tradition (note: we're researching & taking inspiration here, not appropriating specific practices), follow a more traditional Christian Sunday-is-the-Lord's-day practice, or create your own way to, once a week (or when you can), remember who you are, that work isn't everything, and that rest is God-ordained.

Start/continue a creative practice, like journaling, poetry, or art! Maybe start keeping a daily journal or write a poem every day. No perfectionism allowed, and no one ever has to see what you create—create for yourself and God. The Artist's Way is a book/practice that really helped me create a spiritual philosophy re: my art. It can be a bit self-help-y/cheesy at times, but it definitely introduced me to a new frame of mind. You can start with its creative affirmations.

Pick a book to read—there are many Lenten devotionals available, but it could be any theme/genre. My absolute favorite Lent book is queering lent by the poet slats, and this year I'm checking out O Beautiful Dust by RW Walker, which was just published by one of my friends!

Pick a subject to research! It doesn't have to be specifically religious—learning about anything can bring you closer to God and the created world. I've been learning a lot about Mary Magdalene recently.

Start/continue being politically active! Register to vote, call your local officials (see this website if in the US), attend a protest, join an organization, learn about an issue.

Volunteer! My favorite suggestion will always be your local library, but you can also look into food pantries, animal shelters, and children's programs. You can also volunteer for a variety of online projects here.

Reach out to someone you haven't talked to in a while—maybe someone you've harmed or has harmed you (if it's safe), or someone you accidentally never replied to, or someone you want to get closer to. God is love, and your relationship to God is bound up in your relationships with others.

Start/continue a physical practice, such as yoga. I always always will shout out Yoga With Adriene. (If you're not Indian, and especially if you're white, maybe check out Decolonizing Yoga as well.)

That's what I got for now. There's no pressure to reinvent your religious/spiritual life, and there are not have-to's when it comes to this season. However we get to Easter, we get there. Even if nothing at all about your life changes in the next forty days (+ Sundays), Easter will come. Memonto mori (remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return), memento vivere (remember that you are alive, and you will be resurrected).

<3 Johanna

[tinyshe]

Spiritual challenges of depression

Spiritual challenges of depression

Resources for Catholics Living With Depression

   For people of faith, depression may raise serious questions of a spiritual nature: doubts about God’s faithfulness, the value of religious faith, the efficacy of prayer, or the sincerity of the church community. While some individuals find comfort and courage in their religious convictions during depression, others feel betrayed or abandoned.    If you are a person of faith coping with depression, remember that faith is never a guarantee that bad things will not happen, even though we sometimes were taught to believe that it is. In fact, faith is the conviction that all will eventually be well, in spite of the bad things that happen. Faith enables us to respond with determination and hope when we experience painful, inexplicable and unwelcome personal suffering.  Every prayer is, first of all, an expression of our belief that God is at work in the world, fixing what needs to be fixed and healing what needs to be healed--all in God's own way and in God's own time. If you are a person of faith who is living with depression, here are some general suggestions which you might find helpful: • Continue to pray, even if it means changing when, how or why you pray.     During a period of depression many people lose the will or the ability to actually “say” prayers. This is a time for developing a new way to pray by sitting quietly and letting God speak to you. Be attentive to the various ways, occasions, and circumstances in which you might be hearing God's voice for the first time. Some people keep a journal during difficult times to record thoughts, feelings and impressions which might reveal God's presence and direction in their lives. Others discover the value of joining a prayer group, finding a prayer partner, or using a prescribed form of prayer such as the daily Liturgy of the Hours, the Rosary, Centering or Meditative Prayer.  Some individuals find reading the Psalms or the Book of Lamentations a helpful way to identify and express their feelings in a prayerful way.  If depression leaves you without energy or attention for prayer, you might simply repeat the simple Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me." • Continue to participate as fully as possible in the spiritual and sacramental life of the faith community.

    If you are Catholic, consider celebrating the Sacraments of Healing -- Reconciliation (Confession) and Anointing of the Sick.  Although the Sacraments and prayer may not lead directly to relief from depression, they open us to a deeper awareness of God's love and compassion. They remind us that God cares about us and wishes us well, even though we are imperfect, unfinished, and sometimes sinful persons. As the United States Catholic Catechism for Adults explains anointing, "even when there is no physical healing, the primary effect...is a spiritual healing by which the sick person receives the Holy Spirit's gift of peace and courage to deal with the difficulties that accompany serious illness."

   There are regular times scheduled each week in local parishes for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, usually before a weekend Mass and most parishes schedule communal celebrations of the Anointing of the Sick at various times throughout the year.  However, under the circumstances it might be best for you to schedule a specific time for either or both of these sacraments with a local pastor.  In addition, if there is a Catholic Charismatic Community near you, contact a member and ask to attend a Catholic Healing Mass or arrange for a member of the group to prayer with and for you. • Continue to participate as fully as possible in the life and worship of the faith community.

    The Sacrament of the Eucharist is always the most powerful and important of all the sacraments, but in some cases, during a period of depression many persons lose the motivation or energy to actively participate in public worship.  In some cases, persons find it difficult to feel comfortable or welcome in a faith community where people around them seem completely unaware or unconcerned about their personal suffering. It is helpful to remember that most members of the faith community have suffered painful disappointments, losses and failures in their own lives and would be sympathetic to your situation, although they may not know exactly what to say or do.  Their continued presence in the faith community is a reminder that our shared faith helps all of us survive painful and difficult situations like depression.

   In addition, there are some practical things you can do if attending church is difficult: • change the time of Mass you attend; or, if your parish offers a more reflective "quiet" Mass, choose that Mass over one which is more active and upbeat; • change the place where you sit in church; • ask a good friend to accompany you to church; or • attend a different parish until you feel comfortable returning to your original parish. • Continue to seek the support and advice of good friends, a trusted personal confidant, or a wise spiritual director.

    No one knows the pain of depression better than people who have experienced depression, so individuals or support groups of people who are living with depression are an important and valuable resource. So are good friends, although they may not know what to say or how to be helpful. The important thing is to find someone who can walk with you, at your own pace, through this painful experience.  People who want to "fix things" too soon are not very helpful; people who say they know exactly how you feel probably don't and may not be very helpful either. If you are troubled about spiritual questions related to your depression, it is important to find a spiritual director, pastor, pastoral staff person or faith-based counselor in whom you can confide and whose advice you trust. • Continue to grow and deepen your faith in God's mercy and love.

    While depression is not strictly speaking a spiritual condition and we cannot "pray it away", it may be triggered or aggravated by other emotional or spiritual issues.  At the root of these emotional and spiritual problems is often a failure to accept and live with the fact that we are limited, incomplete, imperfect, and sinful human beings.  We cannot control everything in our lives; we cannot have everything we desire; we cannot do well everything we would like to do; we cannot protect ourselves or our loved ones from sorrow, pain and loss.  In other words, as Adam and Even discovered, we are not God, and we cannot save ourselves. In fact, we are all dependent on God and on other people to help us live peacefully with our limitations, disappointments and failures.   When the people we want or expect to help us are unable or unwilling to do so, we must find and accept others who can help, always trusting that God works in unexpected and mysterious ways.  In the end, we must surrender everything, even our very lives, to God's mercy and love; all that remains is the love we have given and received.  That is why many spiritual guides say much of life is really about preparing to die well.

   For many Catholic Christians through the ages, the most perfect example of a human being who was able to accept her own limitations and opportunities was the Blessed Virgin Mary, who accepted God's plan for the incarnation of Jesus Christ with courage and trust.  For that reason, Mary's reponse may be our most perfect prayer in times when we are struggling with limitations and disappointments.           “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord.  My spirit rejoices in God my savior.           For the Lord has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness; behold, from now on will           all ages call me blessed.           The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name. God's mercy is           from age to age to those who fear him.           God has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has           thrown downthe rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly.  The hungry he has           filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.           God has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy, according to his promise           to Abraham and to his descendants forever.”     Although depression may challenge your understanding of faith, your relationship to God, or your relationship to the faith community, it can become an opportunity for an even deeper, more sustaining spiritual life. As in most matters related to faith, the real challenge is to learn to grow in trust and hope. Related Links: • Download a checklist to determine if you are suffering from Spiritual Stress due to depression. • Learn how faith grows and changes in response to circumstances in our lives. • Return to Information for Catholics Living With Depression. • Find more resources for living with depression. • Examination of Conscience for the Depressed • What Is a Healing Mass? > The Prayer of Lament

Disclaimer This information is not provided by medical professionals and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical help or personal therapy.  If you are in need of immediate help, contact a medical professional, a suicide prevention hotline, or call 9-1-1.

[Last Update: 01.07.21]

[casualmaraudering]

/ so, inspired by a fanart i did recently have some fem sirius being a lesbian and having a lot of conflicting feelings!

cw: internalised homophobia, religious (catholic) themes, very brief contemplation of nudity (i guess)

*

*

“-inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me,” Sirius slowly whispers to herself, head low, breathing in the scent of smoking incense and burning candle wax.

The chapel is empty - rightfully so, seeing as it is nearing 1 am by now. Only the faint light of the candles atop of the altar shines in the room - it’s far too cloudy for the moonlight to come through the stained glass. There’s no sounds in the air, aside an occasional ambience of the night.

Being by herself, and with no chance of anyone interrupting her, Sirius kneels at the kneeler in the main portion of the small chapel. Rather than in front of the main altar, she’s at the side one, with a marble statue of Virgin Mary right in the centre. She had been taught by a nanny - the one who cared for her since birth - that it’s Mary you should go to if you seek guidance and, most of all, forgiveness. The purest of souls, she had been, and that she continues to be, blessing peace onto those who truly seek it. It’s what she had believed in, and poured that belief into Sirius, urging her to pray, rosary in hand, every night before bed.

It has been years since then, though. Sirius’s view of the world is so much different, now that she’s nearly an adult woman. She has met a great number of people, read a great number of books. Her beliefs are so much more than what they’ve been when she was little, mindlessly following her parents’ every step and command. She is worth more than that, now she knows.

And yet, here she is, once again, kneeled with a rosary in hand, just as she had been as a child. Except when she was small, things had been so simple. That whirlwind of emotions inside her chest and constant battle in her mind were nowhere in sight, not the way they are now, ever-present, constantly nagging her and making it hard to breathe.

She prays for so many things. Forgiveness. Guidance. Knowledge. An answer of any kind, really. A push towards one of the sides of war her mind and soul are battling. She doesn’t know who to believe, she doesn’t know if she should feel dirty or proud, whether she should seek penance and plead remorse, or let go and follow her heart.

If only Mary could answer her. Just that one question. Yes, or no.

Is what the people say true? The nuns and pastors and her parents, are they right? When they say that people like her are a plague on this world, that they’ll burn in hell, is this what awaits her?

“Is it wrong of me to love a woman?”

No answer ever comes, of course. None ever does.

God works in mysterious ways, Father Connolly would say. Frankly, Sirius thinks he’s full of shit.

She has gone through almost twenty beads on her rosary when she hears the unmistakable sound of the chapel doors opening.

She freezes, breathing out quietly, squeezing the rosary in her hand, waiting for a teacher to call her name. She’s no stranger to detention, of course, but maybe this time she could talk her way out - she left her bed, yes, but only to pray in the chapel. Surely whatever nun caught her out of bed after curfew will understand that.

“Sirius?”

At the sound of that voice, her breath catches in her throat. The very same voice that got her kneeling here tonight, torn from the inside, aching with confusion. Burning with desire.

“Remus,” she replies, hoping her voice sounds at least a bit relaxed, not giving away the sudden pace of her heart and the coil in her stomach. She shoves the rosary into the pocket of her jacket, and she quickly turns around, standing up.

Remus walks towards her from the darkness, lit by the gentle candlelight. For the first time, Sirius sees her with her hair loose, falling in curling strands around her face and down past her shoulders, resting on her chest. She’s wearing a nightgown - a white, thin fabric, from the looks of it.

“Don’t let me interrupt,” Remus says at sudden, gesturing at the kneeler.

“I was done anyway,” Sirius replies with a smile. She sits down on the kneeler, trying to appear relaxed.

Remus nods, and steps closer to sit right next to Sirius, leaning against the brick wall of the altar, facing Sirius with her head just slightly cocked to the side.

“What are you out here for this late?”

Sirius chooses to shrug - she can’t exactly say why. It’s not like she could tell anyone at all, yet alone Remus of all people.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she replies finally.

“So you decided to pray?”

“You have said before that I’m ‘the religious type’,” Sirius reminds her with a smile. “It’s just… I had a nanny growing up. My parents are pretty well off, and it’s like a thing in our family to have someone take care of the kids full time. And that nanny would have me pray before bed, every single night. She said that if I ever need guidance or forgiveness or comfort, I should pray to Mary.”

“And you’re looking for guidance? Or forgiveness?” Remus nudges her with her shoulder, smiling in that particular way of hers that makes all of Sirius’s insides feel as if she’s on fire in the most pleasant of ways.

She looks gorgeous in the faint candlelight. Her hair is wild, curling here and there, a few strands over her face yet she doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sirius can just faintly see the scattering of freckles on her nose - a nose flushed red just slightly, likely cause of the cold outside. Her lips are red too - plump, smooth, soft.

And once she lets her eyes wander, Sirius can’t stop it. Her long neck, the necklace she always wears resting on it. Her collarbones, barely visible from under her hair. A few freckles disappearing under the edge of her gown.

She isn’t wearing a bra, Sirius notes, cursing herself for even noticing. And yet, when Remus leans back on her forearms and turns her head to look around her chapel, stretching her body in an outright sinful way, Sirius can’t not look. The curve of her breasts hidden by the thin fabric - just barely there and yet at the same time drawing her eyes in, taunting her.

“Say,” Sirius says at last - slowly, carefully choosing every word that falls out of her mouth, still letting her eyes bask in the glory of the woman before her. “-do you think that if something is out of your control - you try to go against it as much as you can, but it’s not possible… is it sin? You can’t help it no matter how hard you try, it’s like… engraved into you. Is it still unforgivable?”

Remus is silent for a moment, her head still turned forward towards the chapel. And so Sirius’s eyes remain fixed on her, the curve of her body, the way the fabric falls around those curves, covering some but still letting her see just enough of her silhouette.

Licking her lips, Sirius’s mind wanders back to the thoughts she rarely lets herself have - what would she look like without that nightgown covering her? What would it be like to see her here, posing on display, her whole body uncovered and shameless?

Is loving a woman so bad, if clearly women were made to be worshipped? Sirius can’t imagine not letting her eyes sway around Remus’s body, wishing so badly to as much as see it, touch it just once. It would only be natural to follow those desires. And if this is the forbidden fruit, as if Eve were the forbidden fruit… Adam had succumbed to her. How can Sirius not?

“You are who you are,” Remus answers. She turns back towards Sirius, scooting a bit closer. “-and don’t the texts say that God made us in his image?”

“They do, but-”

“Then how could something within your nature be wrong? If it’s that much out of your control that you can do nothing to stop it, how different is it from breathing? From eating? From living? It’s a natural part of you, and it was intended to be a part of you. You don’t need to ask for forgiveness if there’s nothing to forgive.”

Sirius lets her eyes hit the floor, breathing slowly.

If what Remus says is true, why has she heard, over and over, that people like her are not welcome within their communities? Why have all of their teachers preached against it and acted as if it’s the greatest sin one could commit?

“I know a lot of people talk, but often enough, they don’t know what they’re talking about,” Remus continues, seemingly reading into Sirius’s thoughts or straight into her soul. “We’ve had so many classes on it, read through pretty much every page of the Bible. Do you remember any lines that said it’s sinful? Even one?”

She doesn’t. Maybe she’s forgotten, but honestly, she would have remembered. It would be engraved into her conscience just like everything she had heard people say about it. Her thoughts circle around it every night, when she can’t sleep. Every word, every threat, every stab right in the heart. Sinful, unnatural, wrong, Adam, Eve, Hell.

And yet she doesn’t remember stumbling onto it in the one source that does matter most.

“Of course, you could always read through it again, but I don’t see the point, honestly,” Remus keeps talking, shrugging at her, once again with that smile. “I can tell you, if Mary could tell you, she’d say that you’re good. It might seem terrifying at first, but you’re not the only one that feels this way.”

Sirius blinks slowly, brows furrowed in confusion. It’s as if-

“D-do-... are you-... what?”

Remus laughs - and truly, it is a marvellous sound, one Sirius could compare to what she thinks a choir of angels would likely sound like - and she gets up, brushing off any dirt from her gown.

“I know what you’re talking about, yes,” she confirms, taking a step back, but turning around so she can still look Sirius in the face. “Trust me when I say it - you aren’t the only one.”

She smiles, and Sirius feels like her brain isn’t quite catching up with what’s going on at the moment. And then Remus takes a few steps towards her and brushes a strand of Sirius’s hair behind her ear, her face close enough that Sirius sees the reflection of flickering candles in her honey eyes.

It’s a short, fleeting moment - Remus is there, with her eyes and freckles and hair and nose and smile and smell of chocolate and vanilla -and then she’s gone, taking a step back, then two, then three.

“I’ll see you around. Goodnight, Sirius.”

She steps away. Turns around. And with that she leaves, her white gown fluttering with her movement, her hair bouncing with her step, disappearing into the darkness. Sirius is left to herself in the empty chapel, heart hammering, chest flaming with emotion, stomach tight with desire.

God have mercy on me.

[previouslynebraskan]

Why humans are assholes

Hi, my pen name is Gwendolyn, and welcome to my TED talk on empathy

*side note, I suck at writing, and my train of thought is derailed frequently.  So buckle up, and I’ll be surprised if you make it with me to the end, as we don’t know organization.

First off, I’ll disclaim something terrible about myself.  I’m a Christian.  Even worse.  I’m a rosary rattler.  A Catholic!  Oh and you thought it couldn’t get worse?  I’m not even a good one.  God and I are only on speaking terms when I need him (which is pretty frequent, but not the point).  Church feels like an obligation most weeks, and just because I know the rules and believe in the rules, doesn’t mean that I follow them.  

Alrighty!  Terrible things out of the way.  Let’s begin.  Humans are assholes.  Most people, especially the population of Tumblr, will agree with me.  Between human atrocities, selfishness, and down right lack of care, humans are just assholes.  I am too.  I am human.  Ask my siblings.  Like any good older sister, I wanted nothing to do with my siblings, and when forced to see them at school, I was unprecedently mean to them.  Ask my husband.  I am ridiculously selfish, and only do things when it suits me.  And yet, there is an entire history of the human race, with worse individuals than myself.  And a lot of people might see that, and think, cool, I feel better about myself, because I’m not Hitler.  I feel better about myself because I wasn’t a member of the KKK.  Well, personally, I don’t.  The next disclaimer I am going to make about myself, I’m a self-diagnosed empath.  I’ve never been to a therapist.  I don’t currently have plans to either, but I’ll let God decide that path later.  The reason I bring this up, and the reason I mentioned my religion at the beginning, is because I truly believe that if not for my first disclaimer, my second might not exist.  

I am a crier.  And I get annoyed at criers.  But I don’t cry at reasonable things.  No.  I cry at other people’s feelings.  Let’s bastardize the golden rule real quick.  For those who are unaware, “Treat others how you want to be treated.”  Now, I’m sure many people recall going through a phase where they could translate that in their still learning brains to “I can treat people however I want because I wouldn’t care if they were that way to me.”  Now back to the golden rule.  The bastardization is, put yourself in someone else’s shoes.  How many of us got told this by their parents at a young age after not playing nicely with another kid?  Apparently, God took it upon Himself to write that verse on my heart.  And it went something like this:  I cried when my mother told me that her grandmother (whom I had only met twice and had no actual recollection of) died.  I was inconsolable when my grandfather died.  So much so that even now, almost fifteen years later, it still stops me in my tracks, my heart hurts so much.  I cried when Michael Jackson died.  I didn’t really even like his music that much.  I’ve cried at almost every movie I’ve ever seen.  My sister’s speech at my wedding included the moment where she had to chaperone me on a date with my then boyfriend, and we went to Frozen.  Now yes, I cried at the scene when her parents die in the shipwreck.  But it gets worse.  Elsa is out there, just ran away, no plans for shelter yet apparently, and she begins to break out into song.  At first I’m fine.  But then I can feel my heart, as she sings, “well now they know.”  I start bawling my eyes out.  And all I can give in response to my sister’s quizzical look of “What the fuck is wrong with you???” (Yes I cursed, I told you, not one of the good ones. Fuck off), was: “She’s just so happy!”  I wouldn’t necessarily say I was sad at that time.  But I could feel the relase that an animated character was expressing on the big screen.  I could feel the weight come off of her shoulders, and I cried.  I mourned for what she went through, but shed tears of joy that she had found peace.  Tonight.  I was watching Facebook videos instead of taking care of my nightly routine of getting ready for bed.  And a Mengele twin told her story of survival.  When she mentioned looking around for her father and older sisters, I felt that.  When she said she could still see her mother’s outstreched arms, I could see that.  When she mentioned the panic of trying to save her sister years after liberation, trying to find records of what was done to them, her rage and anger.  And then her forgiveness.  Do you know how strong someone has to be in order to forgive?  To let go of the pain in your heart, knowing you’ll never get revenge.  You’ll never get an answer.  And you just let it go?  That strength is super human.  This week, as we pass the 20th anniversary of the tragedy of 9/11, my hometown did a wonderful commemoration.  I cried.  My aunt gave me a look of disgust because I was crying, again.  I cried not only for those who lost their lives, but for their families who would never be whole, for the heroes who stepped up, then and now.  I am a proud Navy wife.  My husband is out sacrificing his time, so that I don’t have to.  And so that I can worship my stupid religion that I cling to, so I can walk around saying inappropriate words and wear not enough clothing.  But he made that choice.  There are a lot who didn’t.  Earlier this week, someone posted the transcription of the phone call of flight 93.  The moment that he said that the passengers wanted to sacrifice their lives, for the sake of our country, I hurt.  And then he asked the person on the other end of the line to pray.  Another video this week, an ex soldier, who fought early on in Afghanistan was telling a story about one of his soldiers.  They were getting ready for a raid that would likely kill them.  His soldier asks, I know we signed up to fight, but why are we doing this?  The man’s response was, for the people up in that tower who didn’t.  He goes on to explain the story of a young mother. Two kids.  Went to work like any other day, and her last attempt at human decency was to hold her skirt down as she jumped out of the burning tower, so the people below couldn’t see up her skirt.  

Crpl. Page was a Marine from my state who just passed away.  He was two years younger than me.  I never knew him.  But I grieve for his family and friends.  

See the worst part about being an empath in a world where human’s are assholes, is there’s never a shortage of people’s feelings to feel.  I’ve been told that you can experience an emotion so strongly that your body’s only reaction to the volume of what it feels is to cry.  And that resonates with me.  I feel joy to such an extreme when I’m with my family, celebrating time together.  I feel the sorrow of people missing loved ones, and their hearts breaking.  And there are times when I wonder if it’s a gift? Or if it’s a curse.  It’s a gift to be able to go to someone and say, I can feel for you and your situation.  I don’t feel sorry for you.  I feel your pain as though it were my own. But it’s a curse to feel the attrocities of humanity and just sit and wonder why it had to happen.  Why it had to come to this.   I got told I was crying for attention.  I wasn’t, but that didn’t matter. Supposedly, behavioral psychology could “fix me” if I wanted it.  I could be trained to control my emotions, and process them in a way that wasn’t so consuming.  It would definetly help my self diagnosed depression.  But let’s posit that God made me this way for a reason.  He gave me this gift with a purpose in mind.  What then?  The problem is, I don’t know how to effectively use it without letting it ruin my life.  I can never be a therapist, because I would be able to take on the feelings of my clients.  And while I do very much believe in tough love, I also belive that if you just have the right push in the right direction, great changes can be made.  Would the Holocaust have happened if Hitler had  better relationship with his mother? (this is a personal piece, I am reflecting on history classes I haven’t taken since high school.  I’m not fact checking this. Don’t at me.)  Would Columine have taken place if those kids had been in a better place mentally?  

You know what the awful thing is...? Look at all of these events.  Look at all of these heart wrenching dates in history.  And then look what came out of them.  Out of 9/11 came one of the most unified fronts America has had in a long time.  Out of World War II came men of valor.  A chemical reaction occurs when you take an object, and force it to experience a high degree of change.  And that is what gives us assholes grit.  Our experiences make us tougher, and make us better.  And maybe less of a crybaby in my case.  Or more of a cyborg who doesn’t experience emotion for fear of being consumed by them. 

Ramble is over.  For those of you who persisted and tried to keep up, good job and I’m sorry.  For those who didn’t, don’t worry, I wouldn’t blame you.  

Some effort is better than none at all, and if all you are capable of is existing today, then I hope you do, and I know you will do it beautifully.

[angeltreasure]

hii, could you pray that i actually start going to mass? i'm the only one in my family that believes in Catholicism (getting baptised in november!! so excited!) and while they do agree to take me to mass if i want to, i always feel a bit intimidated and end up not going :(, i think i would really benefit from going and spending time with God, so i could really use some prayers

thanks q lot ♡ have a blessed day 🕊

I will keep you in my prayers!

It can be intimidating especially if you are the only one going alone, and so new to it. My best advice is: don’t rush the process. You are not required to be perfect and know all that there is in order to go to Mass or to be baptized. The beauty of the Catholic faith is that we are always like students.

Sit in the back pews when you go and don’t let your worries scare you. No one should stop you at the doors (if they do it’s mean, find another Catholic Church). Sometimes a Mass won’t be perfect either, with distractions around us from people talking, babies and children crying, a cellphone accidentally not being on silent, maybe the homily isn’t so helpful or good, sometimes readers will read the wrong page or they may not say what page to read or sing, maybe the people around you won’t smile. Don’t worry.

Jesus is truly present body, blood, soul, and divinity in the consecrated Eucharist. He’s in that very tabernacle at the altar and waits there for you, He waits there in the Communion hosts and wine, He waits in the monstrance at Eucharistic Adoration. Jesus loves us so much He gave His life to pay for the penalty of our sins, and He loves you. If you feel intimidated, there is also livestreams of Mass you can go to online to help you get a better idea of the Mass. if you are in RCIA, definitely ask any questions you have and they will help ease any doubts or questions you bring up, and welcome you with open arms.

.//////////.//////////.//////////////////

Things I recommend that may help you (not to overwhelm you but to give you ideas):

- read the Bible (start with the Gospels of the New Testament). You don’t have to read big chunks but try a couple of verses a day. Try to read it slowly and place yourself into the story like a movie in your mind. This is a great way to meditate and pray on what is being said.

- Bible Hub is awesome for your phone.

- the Catechism of the Catholic Church is a great book that explains why we do what we do as Catholics—- even parts of the Mass. don’t be intimidated by its size. I use it as a reference book by opening the back index.

- try the Bible in a Year podcast by Fr. Mike Schmitz. He will read to you and help you see the Bible through a Catholic lense.

- listen to Relevant Radio. Download the app. Stays very close to the faith and they have past episodes you can listen to on a variety of topics!

- Watch past runs of Mother Angelica Live on YouTube. She was awesome at talking down to our level easy to understand.

- watch livestreams of Mass online.

- try sitting physically in the back of the church pews at Mass.

- try Mass at different times and locations. Sometimes that’s all we need is a change of pace, people, and scenery to help us connect better.

- if you have questions don’t be afraid to reach out to your Catholic priest. He’ll be happy to answer your questions.

- sometimes it can help us feel good if we invite friends, coworkers, or family to Mass with us. They don’t have to be Catholic to go with you either.

- if friends, coworkers, and family won’t go with you, I found a good way to find a sense of community in the church is seeing what events they do outside of Mass. Every parish is different. It can be as simple of coffee and donuts, a fish fry dinner, and a place and time to drop of food or clothing donations. Other events are longer like Bible studies, retreats, guest speakers, Rosary making, cultural events, volunteer events, etc etc. You may be surprised in who you meet!

- don’t forget self care. Take care of your health by getting good sleep, drink plenty of water, eat healthy, exercise, etc.

- don’t stop praying. You don’t need to do big complex prayers. Start small and simple.

- Eucharistic Adoration in person.

Remember that I love you and God loves you. May God bless you. 🙏🏻

[crawlingtowardchrist]

Do you have any advice for a young man struggling with his faith? I tried to leave catholicism behind as a teenager as an act of rebellion. It's been years, I'm turning 19 this year and i have felt nothing but empty without it. Every now and then my head turns back and i feel guilty about leaving. I'm not sure what to do. Anything would be appreciated

This could be kind of long just to warn you. Short version at the end.

First of all, do not ignore that guilt and emptiness. Every person, every human being on the planet, is made to be with God. That's why you feel empty, you gave up what you're made for. Your guilt is your conscience trying to lead you back to Jesus, because Jesus wants you back. Don't ever forget these two points in your journey back. You were made for God, and Jesus wants you to come back.

Right now, what you need to do is pray. Ask God for help to bring you back, ask Him for whatever you need to make it happen. Pray about anything and everything, because you need to speak to God. I would strongly suggest finding an Adoration Chapel nearby if you can, or a Church that offers it. Adoration is powerful, as you're sitting in the actual presence of Jesus. This will help you sort out why you left and give you strength to come back. I also suggest the Rosary.

Practically speaking there are also couple sacraments you need to have.

First thing is Confession, also called Reconciliation. It's also called Reconciliation because it is a sacrament designed specifically for this purpose, to bring us all back and reconcile us. This sacrament is needed to bring you out of a state of mortal sin, which you are in because of all the missed masses for all those years, and bring you into a state of grace.

Next you need to go to Mass so you can receive the Eucharist, or Communion. Communion strengthens us spiritually. In Communion you receive the actual body and blood of Christ. You need to go to Confession before this however, because you need to be in a state of grace.

The last sacrament you may have already received, but I wanted to mention it in case you left before you would have received it. This sacrament is Confirmation. This is vitally important for all Catholics to receive this sacrament.

You should probably speak with a local priest, so he can help you. He can set up an appointment for Confession, help you get to Mass, and if you haven't received Confirmation you would need to talk to him. This is their job and they deal with this all the time, so don't feel nervous or embarrassed, he will help you.

Stay strong, you will make it back to the Church. And reflect on the parable of the prodigal son. God just wants to embrace you and welcome you back.

So that's a lot of info, but it's all important. The short version is pray and speak to a priest.

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet Vancouver-based Artist Eula Chua

EULA CHUA is a Vancouver-based calligrapher and stationery designer. 

You can check out her work here: website: simplyeustudio.com // etsy shop: simplyeu.etsy.com // email: eula@simplyeustudio.com

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION: Where are you from originally, and what brought you to Vancouver?

EULA CHUA: My parents are from the Philippines. My father worked overseas as an architect for the Ministry of Housing in Oman and brought my mother with him to start a family. Oman is where my brothers and I were born. I lived there for six years until my parents took an opportunity of a brighter future, thus, moving to Canada to start anew. I have lived in Vancouver for 18 years now and every time I travel around the city, I always find something new to appreciate about where I live.

Do you call yourself a Catholic artist? What do you see as your personal mission as a Catholic working in the arts?

I do consider myself a Catholic Artist, more so, a Catholic Calligrapher/Letterer based on my work. My personal mission is to evangelize our Catholic faith using a form of art without fear. As an introvert, it's a challenge for me to be open and vocal about myself or my faith. I find that everyone communicates in different ways. I create Catholic stickers and prints as a way to evangelize and spread the word of God, especially for those who need to take their time to collect their thoughts before they share what they have to say. I think small Catholic statements and items are also a great way to invite someone to an open conversation about Catholicism.

Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

I found a lot of support through the Catholic community I have been a part of (Couples For Christ). As Simplyeu Studio is still growing, I hope that I can reach out to my Archdiocese with the work and services I offer as a way to give back and offer up my talents to the Lord. I want to contribute and bring forth the best of my skills and abilities the Lord has blessed me with, as well as inspire others to step out of their comfort zone.

Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

I have been a bit quiet about my vocation as an artist until I sought the opportunity to put myself out there during the Holiday season and share my work through my Instagram (@simplyeu). Surprisingly, I found a lot of fellow Catholic artists, writers, and speakers through Instagram who have inspired me to be more open about being a Catholic through calligraphy!

How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

I believe the Church is already welcoming to artists. In fact, my form of art is greatly inspired by the Church. There's so much inspiration to find from the Saints, the church itself and the actual physical structures, our brothers and sisters in Christ, the ministries, the bible, and many more. It is endless.

Where in Vancouver do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment?

I find spiritual fulfillment through adoration and the sacrament of reconciliation. There's a few churches in the Archdiocese of Vancouver which offer a 24-hour adoration. Unfortunately due to the pandemic, not many are able to stay open all-night. However, I did find that more and more churches have started offering scheduled adoration almost everyday of the week, which is such a blessing!

I am also a part of a young adult Catholic charismatic community called Singles for Christ, which I recommend to those who are seeking faith, friendship, and community with other fellow brothers and sisters. We also welcome and invite those who are non-Catholics to join us in our monthly events.

What is your daily spiritual practice?

Since the start of the new year, I have been praying the prayers in the Magnificat and dedicate my time to write more in my prayer journal. Throughout the pandemic, my friends and I get together online to pray the Rosary or Chaplet of Divine Mercy every week.

How do you financially support yourself as an artist?

I currently have a part-time job while balancing full-time school. In November 2020, I took a leap of faith and began to sell my work and creations through Etsy. I find a lot of my clients by word of mouth and through Instagram. This year (2021), I hope to launch my website soon (simplyeustudio.com), where not only I can sell more of my creations but also share more about myself, my portfolio, and my thoughts on my website blog.

What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists post-graduation?

1. "Be not afraid." // Art is a form of expression. Don't be afraid to express who you are, who you are created to be, and share who our Creator is. Put yourself out there and share your work, whether it's within a Catholic or non-Catholic community or group. You'd be surprise who comes up to you and asks about your faith.

2. "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." - St. Catherine of Siena //  God made all of us with a unique purpose. He loves you for who you are. He loved before you were even born! There's no need to be like anyone else other than to be yourself, to be the best that you can be. That is all He asks of us.

3. "Remain faithful and Trust in Him." // In times where you feel incapable or incompetent. Be open to seeking for help from others such as your peers, your family, your professor, a spiritual director, a therapist, or whoever it may be depending in your situation. Trust that He will take care of you, no matter what.

[pamphletstoinspire]

November 29 - Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Beauraing.

Our Lady of Beauraing, Immaculate Virgin, bring to Jesus, your Son, all the intentions that we entrust to you today. Mother of the Golden Heart, reflection of the Father’s tenderness, look upon the men and women of our time with love and fill them with the joy of your presence. You, who promised to convert sinners, help us discover the infinite mercy of our God. Awaken within us the grace of conversion so that our lives may be a reflection of that mercy. Make every moment of our existence “a yes” to the question you ask today: “Do you love my Son? Do you love me?” Then the kingdom of Jesus will come to the world. Amen.

The world was staggering under the burdens of the catastrophic financial collapse of 1929, which led to the Great Depression in 1932. But soon after crawling out of the wreckage, the world was to be hurled once more into a devastating world war—number two—just as Our Lady of Fatima had prophesied!

Through this crucial time of self-determination—repent or be punished—Our Immaculate Mother was watching and endeavoring to lend her sweet assistance to rebellious mankind. Thus, in the Autumn of 1932, as in the Autumn of 1846, Our Lady came once again to young children. This time the country was Belgium, in the valley of Beauraing.

This time it was not to the mountains to which Our Lady came, but to the plains, and to a place which had something of beauty attached to it in the past, as its very name implies, though it was to bear an incomparable loveliness when graced by the immaculate presence of the Queen of Heaven.

Between November 29th, 1932, and January 3rd, 1933, Our Lady appeared thirty-three times to five children: Fernande, Albert, and Gilberte Voisin, and to Andrée and Gilberte Degeimbre. Although Our Lady appeared at various locations in and around the convent grounds, she appeared most of the time on a May tree—Mary’s tree! It was on a tree, also, that she appeared at Fatima, and she is said to have appeared on a tree at Heede, Germany, as well.

There is something significant about these trees on which Our Lady stood! It was through a tree, and that which grew on it, that Adam and Eve sinned, and the human race was damned forever. It was through a tree, and through Him Who hung upon it, that the same human race was Redeemed from that damnation. Now, once again, it is through a tree, and through her who stood upon it, that the sinful world is given the opportunity, and the only means, by which it can be saved from the unspeakable wrath of God at the sight of its countless sins. Many unheard-of atrocities in this world could be avoided, and as Our Lady said at Fatima, many souls could be saved from eternal damnation, if only we would do as she requested of us upon that “noble tree.”

As with Maximin at La Salette, and Francisco at Fatima, so now there appears on the scene another erstwhile skeptic; this time a grown woman, who brings with her a big stick to “knock It” with. On one occasion, Madame Degeimbre started to thrash the bushes, like poor Lucia’s mother at Fatima had thrashed her. But she also later became, like Lucia’s mother, a firm believer in the apparitions.

As at her visits to La Salette and Fatima, Our Lady appeared at Beauraing garbed in an unspeakable light, more dazzling than the sun. Here as at Fatima, she was dressed in spotless white, and both at La Salette and Beauraing she had golden rays shining around her Heart.

As Lucia had asked at Fatima, so Albert repeated here, “What do you wish?” And the first request of Our Lady was: “Always be good.” Thousands of the faithful began flocking to the place of the apparitions, and in December witnessed the children in ecstasy, much like St. Bernadette at Lourdes.

On December 29th, Our Lady appeared, opened her arms and revealed on her breast a Heart of Gold. Her actions were reminiscent of her apparition on June 13, 1917, when she revealed to the Fatima children her Immaculate Heart, surrounded by terrible thorns, which, they were told, were placed there by our sins and blasphemies.

On December 30th, in addition to showing her Heart to three of the children, Our Lady said: “Pray. Pray very much.” On January 1 she said to Gilberte Voisin: “Pray always.” On January 2, she said: “Tomorrow I will speak to each one of you separately.”

A great crowd was on hand for what was to be the final appearance, January 3rd, 1933. After two decades of the Rosary, four of the children gave a joyful shout and fell to their knees. Fernande sobbed because she could not see the vision.

Our Lady gave three of the children a secret, which they never divulged. To one she also promised: “I will convert sinners.” Upon saying “goodbye” to the fourth child, she said: “I am the Mother of God, the Queen of Heaven. Pray always.” She then showed the Heart of Gold as she disappeared.

Fernande remained kneeling while the other children went inside the convent to answer questions. Suddenly Our Lady appeared to her and asked: “Do you love my Son? Do you love me?” When Fernande answered “yes” to both questions, Our Lady added: “Then sacrifice yourself for me.” Again she showed her Golden Heart and disappeared, saying: “Goodbye.”

Here again, as the world was rushing to its destruction in the Second World War, Our Lady came at the eleventh hour, to call men back to God, through sacrifice, penance, and prayer!

Tragically, men refused to listen to the Mother of Eternal Wisdom, and men went forward erecting their flimsy temples to false peace and worldly pleasure. Thus, the chastisements came, just as she had predicted. War! The punishment for the sins of mankind! Many priests were martyred: 11,000 were slain by the Communists in Spain alone. Many homes were destroyed, many people were killed, just as she had foretold at Fatima, where she also said that “most of those who die in war go to Hell.”

Hell! A terrifying word; a word which we are told by the Saints to consider daily, but which most so-called Catholics, at the Devil’s suggestion, put out of their minds entirely. Many of them, in fact, following the heresy of the Modernists, don’t even believe that Hell exists! Ah, would that they could, like St. Teresa of Avila or Sister Josefa Menendez, go down into Hell but for a moment or two, and see the countless numbers of apparently “good” people suffering there forever in endless hate, unspeakable rage, and despair. If they could see, as Josefa did, a young girl going down to Hell and cursing her parents the while, because they had permitted her to read suggestive and immoral books!

No wonder Our Lady wept at La Salette! No wonder she opened the earth at Fatima and showed the children a horrifying vision of Hell, and told them, as Our Lord Himself declared in Scripture, that most human beings go there! No wonder the Immaculate Heart of Our Lady is wrenched with sorrow, pierced with thorns and bleeding! But because she is our Mother, the Mother given to us by Jesus from the Cross, she continues her miraculous warnings, to save her little ones from this unimaginable eternity of pain, separated from the infinite Good for which we were created.

So urgent was (is!) the need, and so short the time, that from thence onward, Our Lady began to come much more frequently and with shorter intervals between. The next year was an extra Holy Year, and in that Year, only a few days after her visit to Beauraing, Our Lady appeared again in Belgium, this time at Banneux. Some time later she would come to Heede and then to Marienfried. 

OUR LADY TO FERNANDE VOISIN, JANUARY 3, 1933

IN 1932 ALBERT VOISIN was a lively boy of eleven with a fifteen-year-old sister, Fernande. One November evening they called for their friends Andree and Gilberte Degeimbre and made their way to the convent school in their small home town of Beauraing to collect another friend, Gilberte Voisin, at the end of the evening study.

As they waited at the school door Albert suddenly cried out, “Look, the Virgin Mary is walking over the railway bridge!” He was a notorious prankster, so the girls took no notice. But Albert assured them he was not joking. When at last they turned to look, they saw a woman in white strolling through the air above the bridge and the convent garden. The children were afraid and hammered at the door.

Sister Valeria came to the door with Gilberte Voisin. Gilberte looked towards the bridge and she too saw the apparition, but the nun saw nothing and told the children to go home. When she reported the alleged vision to Mother Theophile, the Superior, she was scolded for her credulity. The frightened children ran home to their respective parents, who were deeply skeptical and sent them to bed in disgrace for lying.

+ A SECOND APPARITION

The following day the children were at the convent school as usual to collect Gilberte Voisin when the apparition reappeared. Strangely, the youngsters were not frightened this time. Again they tried to convince Madame Germaine Degeimbre, but without success. She advised Hector Voisin that in future he should collect his daughter from school himself if the two families were not to be held up to ridicule all over the town.

The next evening, at about six o’clock, the Degeimbre children wanted to go to the convent again in the hope that the Virgin would appear. Their mother refused at first, but then she had second thoughts: what if someone was playing a practical joke on the children? She decided to accompany them and get to the bottom of the mystery. Other neighbors joined the group and they all set off for the convent. The children ran ahead and the adults heard their cries of delight: “She is here! She is here again!”

This time the vision appeared on the walkway between the garden and the convent door. Later the children reported that the Virgin was standing three feet above the ground. She wore a white dress and her hands were clasped in a gesture of prayer. Then she opened her arms to welcome them before vanishing. The adults saw nothing.

Later that night, Germaine decided to conduct further investigations on her own. Convinced that the children were not telling lies, she felt someone must be deceiving them with reflections or mirrors. The children begged to be allowed to go with her, and, when they were about to leave the garden, they saw the Lady in the hawthorn. And when they reached the convent they fell to their knees and began reciting the Ave Maria. Germaine walked towards the spot on which their eyes were fixed, but Andree Degeimbre warned her mother not to go further for fear of offending the Virgin. After a few moments the apparition vanished, and the distraught children cried. Germaine and the other adults then made a thorough search of the garden for the supposed trickster, but found no one.

In school the next day, Mother Theophile addressed all the children severely and said there was to be no talk of “visions”. Meanwhile, Madame Degeimbre and Madame Voisin had been to see the parish priest, Father Leon Lambert. The priest said that during Mass on December 8 he would pray for clarification: were the children being duped or was the Blessed Virgin truly visiting them?

+ WE WILL BE GOOD!

The following evening Mother Theophile padlocked the garden gate and let dogs loose in the yard as a further disincentive to the curious. Undeterred, the children went along as usual, followed by a small group of interested adults. Again the Virgin appeared and the young visionaries fell to their knees. The girls were silent but Albert asked them, “Is this the Blessed Virgin?” The Virgin nodded affirmatively, so he added, “What is it you want with us?” Then the girls spoke in chorus, as if in answer to a voice which they alone had heard: “Yes, we will always be good.” After this the vision disappeared.

On Sunday, December 4 the children went again to the convent school at about 6:30 in the evening. This time they took with them a little boy who had polio and a blind uncle of the Degeimbre girls. Again they asked the vision to declare unambiguously whether she was the Blessed Virgin or not. Later they reported that she had nodded her head. They then asked her to heal the two sick people they had brought with them. There was no apparent response.

They returned again on the 5th, and this time the accompanying group had grown into a crowd. Albert asked the Virgin for some sign to convince the adults that the vision was authentic. On the following day, December 6, the Feast of St. Nicholas, the Virgin appeared holding a rosary and the children at once began to recite it. The Virgin asked them to return on the Thursday, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

Word of the apparitions had spread throughout Belgium, and on Thursday twelve thousand people turned up. This time the children went into an ecstatic trance during which they were subjected to investigation by doctors who were interested in abnormal psychological states. One Dr. Lurquin lit a match and held it under Gilberte Voisin’s hand. She uttered no cry of pain, and later examination revealed no burn mark. The doctor also nipped and pinched the children, but drew no response.

In the following days not every child saw or heard the same phenomena, and so discrepancies and confusion arose. As a result Mother Theophile suspected that the Devil was involved, so on Christmas Eve she fastened a medallion of St. Benedict to the tree in the garden where the Lady had appeared. The apparitions briefly ceased.

+ PRAY VERY MUCH

They resumed again on December 27, when the Virgin told the children, “My last appearance will happen quite soon now.” On the 29th nine thousand pilgrims arrived in the hope of receiving a miraculous sign. That evening, Fernande Voisin claimed to have seen the Virgin reveal a golden heart radiating heavenly light. She alone saw this phenomenon, which made the subsequent interrogations even more ill-tempered. The youngsters were constantly interviewed and cross-examined by doctors and officials until they were tired out. On December 30, Fernande and Gilberte Voisin and Andree Degeimbre claimed they had seen the luminous golden heart; but only Fernande said she had heard the Lady say, “Pray very much.”

On January 3, 1933, thirty-five thousand pilgrims made the journey to Beauraing. The children at once went into an ecstatic trance and began to pray the Ave Maria in unnaturally high-pitched tones. Each child received a private message from the Virgin; they were all deeply touched and wept openly—–all except Fernande, to whom the Lady had not appeared that evening. She was heartbroken.

Fernande knelt by the gate and began praying the rosary desperately. At that moment there was a brilliant flash of lightning and a clap of thunder. It was apparent from the look on Fernande’s face that she could see the Virgin once again. After this the visions ended.

+ BLESSINGS AND CURES

Enthusiasm for the visionaries’ story competed with a mood of skepticism, so that controversy raged throughout Belgium. In May 1933 the Bishop of Namur set up a committee to evaluate the visions. Then came the first reports of cures and blessings. A young girl, Pauline Dereppe, was healed of a severe bone disease after praying at Beauraing. A middle-aged woman, Madame Van Laer, was cured of her tuberculosis. As the news spread, the number of pilgrims increased phenomenally: there were two and a half million in 1933 alone.

All the children survived into adulthood, married and raised children. Albert became a missionary schoolmaster in the Belgian Congo. It was not until 1949 that the findings of the committee of inquiry into the apparitions at Beauraing were made public. The Bishop declared, “The Commission has thoroughly studied the events and we are convinced of the supernatural character of the visions.”

+ VISITING THE SHRINE

At the north-west end of the church is the Garden of the Hawthorn, marking the place where Our Lady first appeared to the children. This is also the site of the Railway Bridge. A lovely statue of the Virgin in Carrara marble stands to greet you. Two miraculous cures were officially recorded here: those of Maria Van Laer and Madeleine Acar. Here too are the very paving stones where the visionaries fell to their knees. Under the podium is the Crypt of St. John, which contains a beautiful statue of Our Lady as well as stations of the Cross by Max Van Der Linden.

Don’t leave without visiting the Votive Chapel and the commemorative stone to the pilgrimage of Pope John Paul II on 18 May 1985. Proceed through the Chapel of the Blessed Sacrament, where Mass is celebrated daily, to the Monumental Arch under which is the Altar to the Queen of Heaven.

At the head of the nave is the Upper Church which is reached by a stairway [there is a ramp for wheelchairs]. On the right is a silhouette entitled The Mother of God, traced by Maurice Rocher and realized in ceramics by Alice van der Gaast. Under the Upper Church you find the Rosary Church with the ceramics of the Mysteries of the Rosary by Max Van Der Linden and also the metal stations of the Cross by the Swiss artist Willi Buck.

Between the shrine steps and the Town Hall is the Marian Museum, which displays souvenirs of the apparitions including clothing Worn by the visionaries themselves. Each year tens of thousands visit the chapel built near the little convent school. Beauraing has become one of the best-loved of all the shrines of Our Lady.

On 21/22 of August each year an international pilgrimage takes place and the anniversary of the apparition is celebrated on November 29.

The Beauraing cemetery contains the tombs of Andree Degeimbre and Fernande Voisin. 

[martelldoran]

Ave Maria

Title: Ave Maria

Fandom: MCU

Ship: Steve/Bucky

NSFW: No

Summary: 

And Bucky loved him.

It was clear to him now as he sat, head bowed, at his bedside. He had almost lost him, could lose him still, and if that were to happen, he knew that he would lose the very best part of himself.

“How am I supposed to live without you?” he whispers, daring to take Steve’s hand in his own.

Steve has only gone and got himself hurt. Again. So, Bucky keeps a watchful vigil over his friend and struggles with newly realised feelings.

Written as part of @hogwartsonline‘s Dialogue OWLs from the prompt, “How am I supposed to live without you?”. Thank you to @stevenroguers for beta-ing. <3

Read on AO3 or Keep Reading here

Steve’s face is ashen and he looks like death is courting him. Bucky should be at school but he can’t face it. Not when Steve almost died.

He’s kneeling on the floor, the bare wooden boards digging into his knees.

“ Ave Maria, gratia plena ,” he mutters, tracing unwilling fingers over his pa’s old rosary.

He doesn’t think it’ll do much good. When has God ever listened to him? But he considers, maybe he’d listen to him today. Or if not him, then maybe his Holy Mother in all her mercy. If only they’d save Steve. Steve, who is good, Steve, who doesn’t deserve to die because he was trying to do the right thing.

“Please, please don’t die on me now. I’ll do anything, give anything .”

The woman who found him bleeding on the sidewalk said he’d sliced himself open trying to vault a fence after running from some asshole with a shiv. She didn’t know why he was being chased, but Bucky could hazard a guess. The guy woulda been ragging on some dame or a skinny, knock-kneed kid and Steve woulda seen and thought, “Not on my watch.”

Bucky didn’t need to know the details because there have been plenty of other assholes Steve has insisted on putting in their place over the years. It didn’t matter that he was barely scraping 5’4” or that he weighed about as much as a Raggedy Ann doll, the boy loved a cause.

And Bucky loved him.

It was clear to him now as he sat, head bowed, at his bedside. He had almost lost him, could lose him still, and if that were to happen, he knew that he would lose the very best part of himself.

“How am I supposed to live without you?” he whispers, daring to take Steve’s hand in his own.

It feels much too small and his skin is cold and clammy. Bucky’s afraid he might break him if he grips too tight. He strokes his thumb across Steve’s knuckles and imagines what it might be like to walk down the street holding this hand. But, as quick as the thought surfaces, he pushes it away, pushes it far down, where no-one, not even he, can see it.

Bucky swallows with a shudder and grips his rosary once more.

“ Ave Maria, gratia plena ,” he prays, a tremor running through the familiar words. “Holy Mother, don’t let him die. Have mercy on his soul. Take mine instead even if it’s only worth half as much. The world needs more people like him.”

Steve is meant for more than this, Bucky knows it, has known it for years. All he has to do is make it a few years further, until he's grown, and can take the entire world by storm. And Bucky will stand by his side through it all if Steve will  have him.

“ Ave Maria, gratia plena . You’re not so cruel to take him just yet. I pray thee intercede on his behalf, it is not yet his time.

“ Pater noster, qui es in caelis . Will talking directly to you work better? If you damn me, will you save him? Do you hear me, Father? It’s a fair exchange, isn’t it? Take me because I tell you this, I’d let you do it - a thousand times over.”

“James, darlin’? Won’t your ma be wonderin’ where you’re at?” Sarah Rogers’ voice reaches him from the door. Bucky starts. He hadn’t heard her approach. She is silhouetted against the light from the hall but Bucky can see how her worried eyes flicker over her son’s prone body.

Bucky scrambles to his feet, knees protesting after too many hours spent kneeling.

“No, she knows I’m here. I phoned her from the hospital before we left,” he says fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Please, I’d like to stay. If I can?”

“Of course. Stay as long you like,” she says and enters the room fully.

Sarah looks tired, Bucky notes. Her face is drawn and she won’t stop wringing her hands. She approaches the bed and perches at Steve’s side, pushing back his fringe from his sweat soaked forehead. He moans in his sleep and tries to lean into a touch that was barely there. Bucky averts his eyes, it feels like a private moment.

“Are you hungry?” she asks him after a moment, voice tight and tired.

He shakes his head, not wanting to be even more of a burden than he already is even though it has been hours since he’s eaten anything. He hopes that the yawning hole in his stomach won’t give him away. With a heavy sigh, she raises her eyes towards him. It seems as though she might cry.

“I have to work . . .”

“I won’t leave.”

She nods, placated. At least there would be someone with him if the worst was to happen. Bucky shoves the thought away.

Steve’s breathing is shallow and ragged, rattling around his chest like a marble in a beaker. Sure, it rattles at the best of times but this feels different. Death is wet on his breath and her pale fingers are on his cheek.

Bucky resumes his vigil.

“ Ave Maria, gratia plena .”

Bucky wakes, hours later bent over the side of the bed with a crick in his neck and strain up his left side. Blinking, confused and with aching knees, he struggles up. Darkness has enveloped the room in a cool embrace and it’s deathly silent.

A horrible thrill of panic shoots through him and he’s climbing across the bed, holding a hand over Steve’s face.

“No, no, no,” he moans, holding very still. “Please be breathing.”

He is. It’s faint but it tickles across his palm like a welcome breeze on a hot day. Bucky sags, his head coming to rest on Steve’s thin chest as he offers up another prayer.

Oh, if only Sister Catherine could see him now. She’d probably piss herself with joy. Finally, the Lord’s good teaching had come home to roost. She’d think he was a proper good Catholic boy in this state, reciting all his prayers nice and proper. But none of this is for her benefit, the Lord’s benefit or even Bucky’s benefit. No. It’s all for Steve. Steve who’s too doped up to pray for his own immortal soul.

So, it’s Bucky’s responsibility to offer up the right words and make sure whoever is listening knows exactly who Steve Rogers is. He couldn’t care one jot about himself. As far as he's concerned, there is nothing waiting for him on the other side but he won’t condemn his friend on his own misgivings.

He settles next to him on the narrow bed, trying not to jostle his still healing body lest he bust open all those neat stitches. There’s a murmur and Steve scoots closer, a frown pulling at his already pinched features. It just about breaks his goddamn heart. With gentle fingers, he pushes Steves’s hair away from his forehead and lets out a low, long breath.

“ Ave Maria, gratia plena .” And so the cycle begins again.

With every new repetition, he tries to put as much feeling, as much concentration as he possibly can into it but his mind keeps wandering. He’d never been much good at praying. His ma would scold him for fidgeting during Mass and Becca would get all prissy because she knew the prayers better than he did. It wasn’t his fault. His mind couldn’t stay still, so it always wandered off someplace nicer than the badly lit, stuffy chapel they found themselves in every Sunday.

Usually, it was only bearable because Steve was there too. Half the time his ma was working so they took him, crammed him onto their pew shoulder to shoulder with Bucky who would try his darndest to distract him. Of course, ever the good, god fearing and pious child, he’d swat him away with a reserved smile even when Bucky would pinch the backs of his legs just to get a rise. It never worked but he liked it, relished it, even, because it made him feel important. It made him feel seen.

Well, it’s a damn good thing no-one can see him now with his rumpled shirt, bleary eyes, and hedgerow hair. He is a mess and he’ll be a mess for days to come. He doesn’t plan on going home until he knows Steve will recover. He will. He has to. Bucky will make him. He can do that, right? Because if he can’t, then he’s not sure if he can face what his life will be otherwise either.

He works his way through the rosary again, rubbing each bead with renewed fervour, as if the pressure he exerts correlates directly to how much holy power he can divine. Steve snuffles in his sleep, hooking an arm around Bucky’s leg.

“ Salve Regina, mater misericordiae, vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra, salve. Ad te clamamus exult- exsus - ex- No? Shit.” He could never remember this one.

Fuck the Salve Regina. It was his least favourite prayer.

“ Exsules filii Hevae ,” rasped a thin voice by his side.

“Stevie,” Bucky breathes, dropping the rosary into his lap as if electrified. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. They flutter for a moment before one settles on Steve’s back. His pajamas are soaked through and he’s shivering, hands trembling something terrible as he tries to push himself into a seated position. “No, no. Don’t try and sit, you’ll bust your stitches, you goon. Lay back.”

With a groan he does as he’s told. He only ever seems to do that when he’s at death’s door but Bucky takes the victory, small though it may be.

“Water,” croaks Steve. His lids hang heavy, obscuring the blue of his eyes and he can’t seem to focus on anything but he gropes for Bucky’s hand, giving it a squeeze before Bucky pushes off the bed to fulfill the gasped request.

“Here, you go.”

Bucky holds the glass in one hand, supporting Steve’s head with the other as he takes tiny kitten-like sips.

“Sister Catherine would beat your ass for not knowing the Salve,” he tells him when he’s finished, voice breathy as he leans back against the pillows, eyes closed. The faintest hint of a smile curling across his lips.

“Well, it’s a good thing Sister Catherine isn’t here then, isn’t it,” Bucky retorts, rising easily to the bait.

Steve sniggers which turns into a cough which turns into a wince that has him clutching at his belly. Bucky frowns, hands hovering above his friend’s stomach, unsure. Closing his eyes, he takes a breath and chews on his bottom lip, considering his options. He needs to check his stitches and, really, he should get him something clean to wear. If he keeps on shivering like this then it won’t just be the threat of infection they’ll be fighting. Another bout of pneumonia and then the writing really would be on the wall.

That settles it.

With quick, deft fingers, head now feeling blissfully clear, Bucky strips off Steve’s pajama top. The stitches are holding, thank God, so he redresses the wound and then redresses his friend. His chattering teeth still but now, he's keening. The pain meds have worn off and the full, fiery pain down the length of his belly has returned.

Bucky attends to him as best he can. He gives him water and what little food he can bear eating but mostly he sits by his side, serving as an easy distraction. At Steve’s insistence, he squashes into the bed alongside him, letting him rest against his side while he talks. He doesn’t know what he’s saying half the time– he’s rambling ceaselessly to take Steve’s mind off the pain. He tells him about Dorothy, the redhead in his class who’s been making eyes at him, the neighbour’s dog who keeps yapping at all hours of the night, and that he thinks Becca will make a great nurse one day.

“Just like your ma, Stevie,” he says in hushed tones. “Maybe they’ll work in the same hospital. Wouldn’t that be grand? She might be her mentor.”

Sometimes, Steve grunts in response, but mostly he stays silent, breathing still shallow but looking a bit more peaceful.

As he speaks, Bucky’s voice quivers, straining under the pressure of remaining calm and in control for his friend. It wouldn’t help anybody to have him falling to pieces - at least on the outside. Inside, he feels like he’s breaking, like he’s being torn apart piece by grizzly piece. The shock of almost losing him is wearing off now; it’s still rocked him to the bone, but Steve’s ribbed him, tried to make jokes, he’ll be fine. Of course, he’ll be fine. He has to be fine. No, it’s the realisation that the very axis of Bucky’s world now revolves around the boy curled into his side that keeps his mind occupied throughout the night’s steady march towards daybreak.

People out there would have some helluva strong opinions if they found out. He knows what happens to boys like him. Pressing his lips together, Bucky stares up at the ceiling and blinks back the tears that have gathered at the corners of his eyes.

No, he won’t cry. Not about this. Love is supposed to be a glorious, wonderful thing. Didn't Jesus die out of love? Wasn’t God supposed to be all loving and forgiving of all sins?

Except this didn’t feel like a sin.

It felt like salvation.

“ Ave Maria, gratia plena . Have mercy on my soul.”

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

1, 5, & 10 for the religious asks!

Another anon: Religious ask post - #10! :)A third anon: 1,7 and 8And @jollyjes: 1 and 10 (:

Thank you, all!

1) Which religion/spiritual path do you identify with?

Christianity: I am Catholic and Presbyterian (USA denomination). 

5) When do you feel closest to your deity/ies?

Hmmm…it doesn’t happen every time I pray at my little altar, but there are nights when I swear I can almost feel Hir hand on my shoulder, Hir breath mingling with mine. 

When I have led workshops in the past with other people’s help, I’ve felt very close to God in those spaces. 

7) If you could change one thing about your faith community, what would it be?

Ach, where to begin?? One thing is that I would love for all of us as individuals and as communities to be able to let go of our fear – of those who are unlike us, of being wrong or “losing” interactions that ought to be dialogues, not debates, of hell and punishment…….to let go of any fear that keeps us from being as welcoming and inclusive and open to learning as God commands us to be. 

10) Do you have a favourite prayer/ritual?

One of my favorite prayers is the Glory Be, a simple and ancient praise of the Triune God that ends with the belief in a “world without end.” I pray it a few times a day as part of my daily rosary decade in order to remind myself 1) that all I do is for God’s glory and 2) that this world matters deeply to God, who entrusts to us the task of caring for it. 

(My one issue with the Glory Be is that restricting the Trinity solely to “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” has a few issues – that it gives a parental/filial relationship to two Persons and also paints them as masculine, while leaving the third as something more abstract, for example. So I tend to switch up how I recite it, sometimes shifting to “Mother, child, and Holy Spirit,” or “Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer,” etc…to remind myself that none of the options are adequate by themselves.)

8) What is your favourite passage from your sacred text, if you have one?

It’s so hard for me to choose!!! But I treasure Isaiah 56:3-8:

3 Don’t let the immigrant who has joined with BEING say,    “BEING will exclude me from the people.”    And don’t let the eunuch say,        “I’m just a dry tree.”4 BEING says:    To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths,    choose what I desire,    and remain loyal to my covenant.5     In my temple and courts, I will give them    a monument and a name better than sons and daughters.    I will give to them an enduring name    that won’t be removed.6 The immigrants who have joined me,    serving me and loving my name, becoming my servants,    everyone who keeps the Sabbath without making it impure,    and those who hold fast to my covenant:7     I will bring them to my holy mountain,    and bring them joy in my house of prayer.    I will accept their entirely burned offerings and sacrifices on my altar.    My house will be known as a house of prayer for all peoples,8         says BEING the Lord,    who gathers Israel’s outcasts.I will gather still others to those I have already gathered.

[daphner20]

Aaron Roberts

Prologue It’s 2:45 pm sighed Aaron, there was a staff meeting for everyone in the Ballroom at 4pm. The rumors were swinging like a pendulum: we were being sold; we were having mass layoffs, we are closing our doors, and it went on and on. As Aaron, looked out of his office window, which overlooked one of the most beautiful beaches in the world ( don’t take his word, it is ranked in the top five of every Tourist/Travel magazine), he took a short walk down memory lane. He has been with The Kingdom, for the last 10 years, and he has no regrets. By the time he was 22, he had a bachelor’s in Accounting, A Master in Accounting, and a MBA. He had also sat the CPA exams and pass all sections on his first attempt. He worked at, CPDG, one of the largest accounting firms in the world, for 3 years, and he hated every minute of it. His salvation came, when his frat brother, told him about The Kingdom, the name alone piqued his interest. And 10 years later at 35, I was the youngest CFO at a major hotel resort. Yeah!!

The chime of his alarm, brought him back to reality, it’s 3:40. Time to make his way to the Ballroom. It will only take 10 minutes, but Aaron was a stickler for time. 'Good afternoon, every one, thank you for coming, said Mr Keith O’brien, (General Manager). First let me address the rumors, there will be no layoffs and we  are not selling the hotel. I will retire at the end of the month. I will stay on for an additional 2 months so that there will be a smooth transition. So without further delay, the next General Manager of The Kingdom is Mr. Aaron Roberts. What the #$&%?

Chapter 1 It’s has been 3 months now, since that incredulous announcement was made. I didn’t expect it. To be honest that promotion was the last thing on my mind. I think I ambitious as the next person. But to be appointed as General  Manager/CFO is a feat. Yes I retain my position as Chief Financial Officer as well. The Kingdom is a 700 room 5 star hotel, on an island in The Bahamas. With a staff compliment of 2000. We all live on the island. We are the sole employer as well. So my responsibility, is not limited only to the hotel, but the entire island. From the airport, staff quarters, beaches, etc. Not bad for that skinny, shy altar boy Yeah!! My family were so elated, when they heard the news, I think my mom is still crying, and my priest Father John Cooper, (who was also my math teacher in high school) and the entire parish family is still sending congratulations. Am I proud of myself? I think I am thankful and grateful to God. I remembered as a child in CCD, Sister Marva, constantly said, all good and perfect gifts comes from heaven above. Am I overwhelmed? No, I have a great team. We have nearly 100 % occupancy year round. But there is a feeling I can’t put my finger on I Am Lost!!! Chapter 2 I am the way, the truth and life, no one comes to the Father except through me. What does that mean, wondered Aaron. He keeps hearing it in his heart, whether awake or sleeping, those words are there. On top of that he felt lost. I don’t lost is the right word. I have a good job, a great family, am in excellent health, am single (I see it as a plus, so I can focus on my career). What more is there? I was about to find out. A few weeks later, during an executive meeting, the Director of Sales,  Shelby Robinson, said “that we have a group, that wants to book our entire hotel all 700 and meeting rooms for one week”.  Wow, everyone exclaimed, awesome. We’ve had groups before, but never on the scale. It was a religious group. It was a Pastor of a mega church in New York, a membership of 50,000 . It is considered an evangelical non-denominational Christian Church. I don’t know what that means. I was born and raised Catholic. My parents are Catholic, I was an altar boy, from the age of 8 – 18. I attended only Catholic schools and universities. We are the true Christian Church. Yeah!! Chapter 3 The hotel is a frenzy, in good way. After months of negotiating, the day of the big arrival had come. The negotiating had been relentless, they had so many demands. We’re used to that. But they had some non-negotiable items. No alcohol, no secular music, limit Internet access (block all ungodly sights). The list was exhausting!! After calculations, the revenue which was in the millions it was worth it. We will be in the black for years. Every meeting space and restaurant will be utilized. This was considered a conference for men. There were bishops, deacons, men's ministry and lay members. We had a total of 5,000 men descending on The Kingdom, it felt like another Kingdom was invading The Kingdom! On my career side my life was awesome, we were able to negotiate a deal of a life time. However, in my personal life. It was the tale of two cities. Some days I am overwhelmed by this emptiness, that I am feeling, that I can’t sleep or eat! Thank God, I have been able to conceal it with work, nobody seems to be the wiser. I have taken praying the Rosary even more. ( My mother will considered that a dream come true). What is “ I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father, except through me.” Lord, I cried out “ if you are real, what does this mean.” Help me please!! Mr. Roberts, they are here! Chapter 4 It is not a custom for the General Manager to meet hotel guests, but this was an exception and necessary. Arriving first Apostle Dylan Freeman, he was the Senior Pastor of Greater Cathedral of Brooklyn, New York. He looked like any ordinary man, I think because he had such a large congregation, that he would look ‘holy’. That’s just the Catholic  in me talking.  I have never meet a modern day Apostle before. The ones that I knew of , were Jesus disciples in the bible. “It is a pleasure to welcome you Apostle Freeman, to The Kingdom,” said Aaron. “I have come to The Kingdom, for such a time as this,” replied Apostle Freeman. His entourage laughed heartly . I didn’t get it, maybe it was Christian lingo or some inside joke. I escorted him to his suite which is on the 69th Floor. The Kingdom has 70 floors. The 70th Floor is our major Ballroom, which is called  ‘The Great Hall.’  This is where there will be a welcome cocktail reception. ( Minus the cocktails) at 7pm. I hate  cocktail receptions, but duty calls. It’s 6:30 pm. Most of the guests are here, taking in the breath taking view of the island. The Great Hall, has a panaramic view of the entire island. So, there were a lot of selfies. Apostle Freeman, arrived precisely at 7pm. My goal was to make light chit chat, then make my escape. Finally, he was alone, I eventually got to him, before I had a chance to say a word, he said “ I have a word for you.” “ You want a word with me? “ I asked. He looked at me, and just starting laughing. What was so funny I thought. He must have read my mind. Because he stopped abruptly. ‘ Forgive me, we pastor's believe everyone understands what we are saying, he said apologetically. “ I have a word for you, from the Lord,” he said somberly. I felt like I just got suckered punch, my insides felt like jelly. I didn’t know to say. I thought I was speechless for hours. But he graciously said to me, “ Don’t worry, everything you have been experiencing these last several months, will be made clear to you. And just like that he was throng again, by the other guests. For the next several days, I was eager to have an audience with the Apostle, but with his schedule,  I know that was impossible. It was the last day, I knew that it will be hectic, so my daily morning jog on the beach was imperative. As I was about to begin, Apostle Freeman suddenly appeared. “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the father, except through me”, he said to me. “ Do you know what that means? I just shake my head weakly, saying no. Thus says the Lord, this emptiness you are feeling, it is your soul yearning for the one true God. And you can only have that with Jesus as your Savior. “Do you want to make Jesus Christ you personal Savior?” asked Apostle “Yes, “ I was openly crying now. Repeat after me: Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I confess You as my personal  Lord and Savior. In Jesus name I pray Amen. As I prayed those word, the Peace of God flooded my soul, and the emptiness vanished. Thank you Jesus. As I looked on that beautiful water, I knew what I wanted more than anything. “Will you baptize me, Apostle”, I asked. As Apostle Freeman, baptize me in the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I knew that I was truly alive and Jesus had given me a new life. Later that morning, while I was escorting Apostle to his car. He said this, “ I have two things to things to say to you. “ Jesus loves you and see you next year. Yeah!! THE END

[tremble-and-shake]

Ficlet for “Church girl” anon

Like I said previously, this is just a short lead-up, nothing fancy. It’s NSFW but not really smut.  That dear anon asked me enough times (and kindly) that eventually dialogue for this started to come together in my head and I found it really hot. Still, I acknowledge that this is super cheesy and unbelievable.  Not knocking Christians or Catholics of anything (I grew up going under Catholic pretenses, but it just wasn’t for me and I got the fuck out). The storyline is just a classic, cliché turn on.

I’m calling it The Tempest of Lustful Shades after the vortex in the Second Circle of Hell in Dante’s Inferno. That’s where people go for lustful sins, and that’s where I feel like I’m going to end up writing this shit lmao  Anyway, maybe some of you will be there with me for enjoying it. I hope so. Thanks @starchild0985 for taking a peek and offering feedback <333

The Tempest of Lustful Shades

You were finishing up your undergraduate degree in Art History at St. Mary’s in London. The uni had a partnership with Tate Modern, the art gallery collective that Jimmy had recently loaned tapestries to for their Edward Burne-Jones exhibition.  And now, somehow, you were sitting in Jimmy’s parlor, sipping tea and chatting with him about your undergraduate thesis on the intersection between medievalism and Victorian ideals of womanhood in the Pre-Raphaelite movement.

“Above all else, Pre-Raphaelitism espoused naturalism, even when this risked showing ugliness. But that’s the true irony of it, isn’t it?” You nodded along, beaming at his words. “Look at what beauty they were able to create by embracing the fidelity of human appearance.”

It wasn’t too often you came across men who could carry on such a cerebral conversation on this topic while maintaining this level of passion.  It was even rarer to come across ones this attractive.  

“Let me refill your tea, love,” he said, placing his own cup down and taking the ceramic handle of the teapot.  Admiring the hand-painted Moroccan lattice, you wondered how lavish it must to have a home where everything within it, down to the teapot and silverware, was an authentic piece of history.

“So, what’s a young lady as brilliant, passionate, and beautiful as you are doing still single?”

Shifting your weight from one leg to the other, you stifled a timid laugh.

He sensed your uneasiness, offering a consolation in the soft lines that cradled his lips and eyes. “Too immersed in your studies at the moment, I presume.”

“That’s my priority, yes.” Engulfed in his warmth and this momentary comfort, you surprised yourself by opening to him. “But a lot of guys my age aren’t willing to, you know, wait for a Catholic girl.  Not even the ones at uni.”

Something flashed quickly in his eyes like a response to some subconscious trigger, and you realized what you had implied.

“No.  I didn’t mean, that’s not-” Your startled movements caused your tea to careen over the lip of the cup, sending you to your feet to escape the hot Darjeeling. “Ow, shit, that’s hot!”

He was on his feet beside you almost instantly, removing the cup and taking your hands inside his.  “Are you alright?”

“I’m so sorry. Jimmy, I got tea on the throw.”  You tried to pull away and daub the spill, but he wouldn’t let you.  

“Darling, don’t worry, it’s quite alright.  You’re not burned, are you?  How embarrassing to serve guests tea that’s scalding.”

“No, no, I’m fine.  It wasn’t that hot, it just startled me.”

“Let me get something to dry your blouse.”  

You cursed yourself for being so foolish, but silenced the self-berating in time for him to reenter the room, dinner napkin in hand.

“Here we are.” He began to blot along the hem your blouse, pulling the fabric off your skin. “May I?” You nodded, but it wasn't until you felt his fingers graze against your stomach that you realized what he was asking: to reach under your blouse in order absorb the stain from both sides of the fabric.

“Jimmy, I don’t know why I said that. TMI, I’m sorry.”  You're surprised by how soft his fingers feel against you. “But just so you know.. I’m- I’m not.”

“Not what, love?” He broke his focus from the stain.  When his eyes found yours, he seemed to genuinely be unsure of what you were saying.  

“A.. a virgin.” That look again: the calloused, wanton glazing of his eyes. But fleeting and nearly impossible to recall once it’s gone. “I mean, I’ve only done it once.  It was stupid, he was stupid.  But I've done my penance and have been forgiven.”

"Hmm, I think that should do it, yes?"

"W- well, yes," you proceeded shakily but found confidence through the verse. "As it says in the Bible, 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.'"

He took a step back and tugged down at the hem of your blouse. "I was talking about the Darjeeling, love. And you needn't offer an explanation, I'm not judging you in the least. Shall we go on?"

"I'm so embarrassed, I think maybe I better go. I talk too much when I'm nervous and I've already--"

"Don't be silly. My apologies if I've said or done anything to make you feel uncomfortable but it would be a shame for you to leave without seeing the artwork. Come," he motioned for you to follow him, his smile warm and inviting.

He lead you through the hall and into the study. You remained pace or two behind, trying to steady yourself in this whirlwind of lustful thoughts and conflicting emotions.

As you entered the room, you struggled to keep your focus on the awe-inspiring paintings. He saw this and  his dark brows became unsettled.

"It's just that I haven't felt this way before. Not even that first time,” your restless fingers searched for composure at the hem of your blouse. “I’ve never wanted someone so badly.”

His chin lifted and his gaze sharpened; he was eyeing you up as if assessing the honesty of your statement. “I see,” he lowered his chin slightly. “You’re here for academic research. I hardly think it’s appropriate. Do you?”

“Well, I guess not,” your gaze falls downward, disappointed.

“And what about your vow of abstinence? How do these thoughts make you feel?”

“Shameful,” you reply delicately. “Dirty.”

He smirked  “We haven’t even done anything dirty yet, love. Imagine how you’d feel afterward.”  Closing the space between you, he went on. “But it is the forbidden fruit that tastes the sweetest.”

“Let me taste it,” your tone was meek, but your hands spoke more strongly as they traipsed below his belt.

“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” His fingers lifted your chin firmly, forcing you to surrender into his eyes. They were the seductive pinnacle on a face so seasoned and sophisticated.

“You may no longer be a virgin in the eyes of God, but as far as I’m concerned you might as well be. I'm going to have to go gently with you."

You swallowed sharply. Nervous, but overruled by the strong ache growing between your thighs. You'd never been so wet that your panties actually became damp like this.

"But I assure you that you're going to feel filthy all the same.  Is that really what you want?" His fingertips skimmed your lips, finding a place to come to rest.  "Show me.” He tugged gently at your lips and you knew what he wanted, so you welcomed them in and sucked gently.

“Good girl.”  His smile brought a dramatic softness to his face. And yet somehow it still commanded a subservience you were eager to give. “You know you’re going to have to go to mass tomorrow to confess this dirty secret.  Then you’ll pray on the rosary for hours before you find absolution.” You nodded and moaned for him, still caressing two of his long fingers with your tongue.

“I wonder, how many Our Fathers or Acts of Contrition will you have to say in reparation for sucking the cock of a man old enough to be your father, or grandfather even?  Don’t answer with your mouth full, love. It’s poor manners.”   He removed his fingers and gently pressed on your shoulders, encouraging you to your knees.  

“I suppose you could just tell me next week when you come here again, no use in supposition. But I do know one thing: anytime you kneel again, you’ll be thinking of us. In the church pew, besides your bed for nightly prayers, wherever. And you’ll be wet when you do.”