#and you are always going to hold the actions of a 19 year old - who has disavowed who he was at 19 - against him for the rest of his life

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

.

[tamaruaart]

Keep in mind this isn't me hating on Kirke, I love that fucked up goddess she's such a fun character. But goddamn I hate her fans.

It's all just people trying to push feminism where it wasn't 🙃 Yes, it's true ancient Greece was kinda shitty towards women. But goddamn that was 3000 years ago. We can enjoy these stories but it's important to not push modern perspectives and view points on these stories while also not condoning these actions. Not to mention we may very well experience this kind of thing with future generations that will come after us so it's important to simply stay humble. Civilizations and humans are constantly evolving and viewpoints are constantly changing so it's not exactly fair to history nor ourselves to take these ancient ideologies to heart. Grow up.

Anyways Circe/Kirke is not your hot little witch cutie 🥰 She's a goddess and the daughter of the Sun Titan. She's done terrible things and that's what makes her iconic. Istg if she wasn't so infamous no one would even know about her. She's morally gray and that's what makes her so neat >:D Now, is it unforgivable to paint jer in a good light? No, but I think if you remove ALL of her questionable morality she losses her charms. She isn't the same Kirke anymore. (Looking at you MM, your writing is good but holy shit.)

It's not unforgivable, but it's simply incorrect. If anyone wants to learn more about Kirke's original/actual character, I don't really recommend most modern interpretations- (MM's novel, Hades 2, DC, Odyssey Movies, my bbg Epic the Musical etc...) I'd say just read the Odyssey, reasurch some older mythos and read the Argonautica.

Can you still like these interpretations of Kirke? Yes. Of course. I love Epic's Kirke even though she is pretty inaccurate. You just have to acknowledge they aren't the real thing! :D That happeneds with most characters ngl, no adaptation nor interpretation is going to be 100% accurate to the original, but with Kirke it's always so... Apparent? So visible. They never make her at LEAST 50% accurate. Which ��

She was not a victim, she wasn't incredibly horny, she wasn't a girlboss, she wasn't love sick for Odysseus (it's hinted she only found him to be an 'interesting mortal' of sorts) she wasn't 100% cartoon villain of the week either. She's MORALLY GRAY 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

She holds Odysseus' men hostage, she turns Scylla into a monster out of jealousy, she turns a man into a woodpecker because he didn't want to sleep with her. But she ALSO helps out Medea and Jason (even though it's because Medea was her neice but STILL) and she gives Odysseus instructions on how to head home.

She does BAD things that shouldn't be forgiven and aren't at all justified, but she also does GOOD things that should be acknowledged. She's a goddess. She's a character. She's morally gray. WHAT THE FUCK IS NOT CLICKING???? 😀

I just don't like modern interpretations of Kirke and I'm a meanie so I made this ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

That's why I stick to my 3000 year old books instead of these puny ones that were written in my century 💪💪💪

Do not apply feministic messages or themes on Kirke. Nor any Greek mythology figure for that matter. This was 3000 years ago 😀 if you want to focus on feminism FOCUS ON WOMEN WHO ACTUALLY HAD TO STRUGGLE ABOUT THESE THINGS AND THAT EXISTED IN THE 19-21 CENTURY 😀😀😀😀 WHEN PEOPLE KNEW OR WELL WERE SUPPOSED TO KNOW FUCKING BETTER. OR JUST FOCUS ON MODERN FEMALE STRUGGLES THAT ARE RELATABLE??

Also, if I haven't already made it clear. LIKING A CHARACTER ≠ CONDONING THEIR ACTIONS. I'm just talking about all the people who either call her a girlboss, hate on other figures for being morally questionable but turn a blind eye when it comes to Kirke, and people who make fun of Odysseus and call him a man whore for sleeping with Circe and Calypso. (Despite the fact he's a literal victim)

And for the last time:

👏 THIS 👏 IS 👏 NOT👏 A 👏KIRKE 👏 THE GODDESS 👏 HATE 👏 POST. 👏 THIS 👏 IS 👏 ME 👏 SLANDERING 👏 SOME 👏 OF 👏 HER👏 FANS 👏 AND👏 MOST 👏MODERN 👏INTERPETATIONS👏 OF 👏THAT 👏TWISTED 👏MORALLY 👏GRAY👏 BITCH.

Also I made a typo in the meme. God damn it dyslexia. (It's should be 'transforming' not 'transformed')

[everydayyoulovemeless]

The reaction of the companions of fo3 to the fact that they are in love with Lone Wanderer? Please 🙏

Fo3 Companions Realizing They're In Love With Lone

➼ Word Count » 0.7k ➼ Warnings » Age Gap ➼ Genre » Romantic, Pinning

Charon opts to ignore it. He's got a job to do and is bound by contract. His feelings don't matter for this transaction to work and now is no different. Despite it all, he can't help but notice how much more inclined he is to be of service to you — always offering to take the night shift, or more aware of his surroundings than he normally would be. He's never been so fond of the person holding his contract and it makes him feel so conflicted. What would you say? Would you sell him off if you found out? He's a ghoul, for Godsake, what 19-year-old teen would want him?

Clover isn't sure how to act, so she'll act in the only way she's known how — sexually. She'll run her hands across your shoulders and whisper lowly into your ears just so she can get the message across to you, but in all honesty, she truly isn't sure what it is she feels for you. It'll take he a minute to sit down and think everything over before she comes to the realization that she's in love with you. Once she figures it out, she'll tone her erotic actions toward you down, opting to instead bring you flowers, or clean up around your home. She tries to mimic you in how you treat her, hoping that it'll eventually make you feel the same for her as she does you.

Star Paladin Cross feels a bit conflicted about her feelings for you as you're the kid she helped escort to the vault. She's well aware of her body modifications and the sheer age gap between you two and would, therefore, try to extinguish these feelings at all costs. You two weren't meant to be together, and she needs to get a grip before this turns into anything more than you and her being comrades.

Jericho doesn't care if you catch on to how he feels or not, he'll just pin you up against a wall and try to get you flustered. This has always been his way of showing someone that he's interested in them and he'll stick with this method until you say something about it. He's constantly in your face — whether he be throwing his arms around you or squishing your cheeks between his fingers. He loves the way you swat at him and the cute way you roll your eyes at his antics, however, he doesn't realize that he's in love until you get injured badly. Then reality will hit him and he'll (slightly) drop his douchy act and make an actual attempt at wooing you.

Butch tries to play it off and act the same as he always has, but every time he's around you he can't help but fall into a blushing, flustered mess. He's a teenager who's never actually been in love before, and he hates every second of it. Who do you think you are anyway? Walking around as if you're blissfully unaware of his feelings toward you. He gets meaner towards you — teasing you more often and tripping you whenever the chance arises — but it's only to help try and mask his intentions. He'll only put the pieces together when someone else tries to flirt with you, then he'll pull his pocket knife out, scare the guy off, and go right back to how he was before — a bumbling mess.

Fawkes knew he loved you the second you broke him out of that vault, however, he's well aware of how he looks and would never dream of putting you into a situation like that, so he keeps it to himself. He'll be polite to you — always opening doors and offering to hold onto the heavier items and weapons you may possess, but that's the extent of it. He's older than you and would hate to hold you down in any way, so he'll love you from afar and risk his life for you any chance he gets. It's the only way he can think of to pay you back for being so kind toward him.

[rayassecretlife]

pleaaase can we have some virginboy Rotxo, extremely horny but clueless to the whole shabang ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- nothing too smutty, ‘just the tip’ action

- kind of want to read him slowly losing himself over it , brink of crisis bc pussy is just THAT good , even if it’s just the tip

- “ thank you great mother “ , “ oh eywa “ 😫 I just looove Rotxo sm, he is the cutest

please write this, if it isnt too much to ask 🤍

Soooo I’m gonna try this but I can’t promise it’ll be the best just because I never write for Roxto and depending on who I’m writing for is like how good it’ll be or feel if that makes sense. I put my own little twist on it but not really a twist, kind of just him being clueless to everything. But enjoy this!! Very short, couldn’t find the best plot for this so it’s kind of straight forward.

Listen to my voice

Pairing: Aged up!19 year old Roxto x Fem!Metkayina!reader

Warning(s): Praise kink, Mature language, oral play, unprotected p in v, etc.

“Y/N… it hurts…” You frowned at the boy under you, watching his body squirm in your grasp. Poor boy, he had no idea what was going on—no idea he had been entering his first rut. You were somewhat confused that he didn’t understand anything, seeing as he was 19 and had a few girls he’d talked to before. “Why do i feel—what is—eywa, make it stop!” He was frantic, scared of the pain that built up into his body. It was new and very, very strong.

“Tam, Tam, Sweet boy. I’ll help you” Your soft voice somewhat soothes the boy as you sit against his thighs, fingertips running down his heaving chest. He was so nervous, watching your every move as your hand made its way to his loincloth. “This has never happened to you?”

“O-once… but I slept it off because I didn’t know what to do with it” You pout. He was so cute. So innocent under you, practically letting you do whatever you wanted as long as you took this pain from him. His parents always had been strict, but you didn’t realize how bad it had been till now. Their son was almost 20 and never even got himself off.

“I’m gonna remove this, okay?” Your fingers tug at his loincloth and he nods desperately, begging you to continue your actions quicker. Your eyes that had once been on his, were now looking down at the hardness under you, cock pressing between the two of your bodies. “Aw, baby. Your dripping” A soft whimper escapes his throat while your thumb runs along his blueish-green tip, beads of pre seeping out every time.

“Eywa—I-I-“

“Tìmweypey, Ro. I’ve got you” your hand strokes his hair, calming his nerves and slowly rutting hips against your touch. He was a whimpering mess under you, this feeling being one of the weirdest he’s ever felt. He barely had control, no choice but to submit to your words while you continue to tease him. “I think you need something better” You hum, head leaning down to plant small kisses up his jawline. You felt the wave of hormones rush through your body and you could tell you had been soaked, feeling the wet patch under you that began to form onto his thigh.

“Please, Y/N. Please, make it stop” He practically cries as you attached your lips to his neck, leaving a series of dark and wet love marks everywhere you could. You wanted everyone to know you did this to him—for his parents to know he’s not so innocent anymore.

“Follow my lead, okay, Pretty boy?” You place a small kiss to his lips before leaning back, your hand pulling him with you till your back pressed against the sand. He was still barely holding on above you, waiting for your next step so desperately it made you feel bad. “Come on, Baby. I know you can figure it out—your a smart boy” It takes him awhile to finally look down between you two, seeing how his length dropped down onto your abdomen. He gave you a concerned look but you only nodded, rubbing his shoulder to comfort his heavy breathing. “You got it, Just feel it”

You took his length in your palm, watching his eyes squeeze shut but you quickly called to him, free hand cupping his cheek with a small smile. “I don’t…I don’t know how-“ You urge him to take himself from your grasp, now holding his fully erect hard-on in his shaking hands. He studied your cunt from the view he was in, slowly rubbing his tip to your cunt for just a second. “I…” a soft gasp left his mouth and you giggle, coaching him to move forward.

“Just the tip today, okay? Does that sound like a plan, sweet boy?” Your words were so gentle against his ear, stroking his back with your fingertips as he hesitated to push into you. “It’ll feel better, I promise” you sooth and he opens his eyes to look at you, nodding his head before looking between you once again, watching as he slowly but surely lined himself up to your entrance.

“Y/N, I—Mmph!” You let out a shaky breath at his whimper, turning you on more then before. He slowly pushed inside you, only till a small bit further more from his tip. Even then, you felt full, just listening to him above you was more then enough to get off. “Eywa—Oh Eywa, feels s’good” Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, nails threatening to scratch his shoulders. He was trying his hardest not to lose himself, not to try and fuck you senseless.

“Mmm, told you. Feel better?” You don’t receive a response, just another small grunt leaving his throat. He hadn’t even moved yet, only stilling just a tips lengths inside you but still losing his mind at the feeling. Your walls were squeezing him so tight, milking his pre into your seeping cunt. “So cute, such a good boy” Another whimper and you were sure it was enough to make you feral. He was so adorable.

“Great mother—baby” You shush him, fingers running through his hair as he hid his face between your neck. You could now hear his sounds so clearly, each one making you more and more wet. “Want to go deeper… please let me go deeper” You blush at his begging tone but shook your head, placing one small kiss to the side of his head.

“Not today, Pretty boy. Can feel you twitching. Gonna come already? Aw, baby. For me? That quick?” You taunt and he cries out, fingers digging into the sand beside you. He wanted to kick himself for waiting so long to do this, for waiting so long to do anything at all. Because this? It felt unreal. Your cunt was Heaven around him—so wet he could’ve slipped right out and your walls were firmly tight around him, almost like you’d been afraid to let him go. “Such a good boy, begging for me?”

The tips of his ears burned with heat as his tail waged, your praising words doing unspeakable things to him. “Mmm! Please just let me…” you dismiss his request once again, earning more whimpers and whines from them. You wanted to tease him, but he was hurting, and you hated to watch him like that. “Please let me…!”

“Doing so good, just listen to my voice, okay? One step at a time, Sweet boy”

This was so bad, I’m literally falling asleep Lmao. Thanks for requesting! And reading!! Usually this would be a long writing but I got a little lazy because it wasn’t something I’m used to.

Please don’t forget to check out my masters list and request! I loveeee requests and I’m sorry to the requester of this because it’s very short but this is kind of just a hold you over since my Neteyam shorts are moving slow.

[belonareyna]

I think Fandom just made into my head and make it cannon.

1. Because Kevin and Thea did not star TALKING until Kevin was 18. TALKING. NOT DATING. I still don't like that relationship because of the different ways they survive their trauma of being in a fucking cult (also they experience was ABSOLUTELY different, Kevin was Riko’s property, Thea was "Raven's" idk if you know what I mean)

2. Aaron, up until this day, I hadn't found ANY reference in the book to the thought. "He thought he was different to the foxes and that he didn’t belong with the "outsiders"??? He gets mad when they say he acts like Andrew (which I get), but he's not the one saying he's the "normal" twin.

3. Andrew on his meds is a dangerous person, abusive even. And Neil sees it. I know their reality is not our privileged reality, but still.

"That's not okay," Neil said, pointing at the door.

"That's nothing," Nicky said.

Neil caught his arm as Nicky passed and hauled him to a stop. "Don't let him get away with things like that."

Nicky considered him for a moment, his smile fading into something small and tired. "Oh, Neil. You're going to make this so hard on yourself. Look," he said, tugging free and turning Neil toward the door. "Andrew is a little bit crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours, but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."

"He's like this because you let him get away with it," Neil said. "You're putting all of us at risk."

"That was my fault." Nicky opened the door and waited for Neil to precede him out. "I said something I shouldn't have, and I got what I deserved."

And everyone I have read here justifies his actions. I understand his actions, and where they're coming from. But justifie them? Nope

4. Kevin is not a bitch for leaving Jean. Do you know when they rescue someone from human trafficking? How they can not get back for the rest of them, because then they would be put in danger again? The same goes for here. Getting back would literally make Riko not have one but two victims again. And it's unfair to Jean, but this is nothing but the Moriyamas fault.

5. Nicky makes absolutely horrible comments & disgusting "offers." But he's not just that. He's a 20 or 21 kid who flew from his save place to a country where he almost committed suicide to fight for two 14-year-old traumatized children, so they weren't given to his good for nothing parents. He protected them the best he could.

FROM NOW ON THOUGHTS AND MY OWN HEADCANNONS

6. Andrew is a 19 traumatized child who still wants his brother. Why the fuck he's always bringing Tilda? Because he wants a reaction from Aaron. Through the series, Neil says that Aaron is quite apathetic to everything. But Tilda's dead must still burn. Why mention it when there is no need if not to get a reaction? I don't believe he just brings it to hurt Aaron.

7. Dan had no right to be angry about Kevin omitting the truth about Wymack being his father. Kevin says he was trying to convince himself that by holding the secret, he was saving David (which actually is true. Her mother died in an accident orchestrated by the Moriyamas), it was not his only reason, but it was a good reasoning.

8. Matt & Aaron should have been endgame. (If you made it though here tell me about a weird aftg couple you ship)

Justification of all of this: is 2a.m. in the morning and I have fever

[lolitastories]

GHOST

Chapter 19

I can feel it in my bones that it was too early. It should be illegal to wake up this early. Those animals out there should have a shut off button or atleast be gracicious enough to let me sleep until the afternoon. “Javi?” I looked over hoping to snuggle into him for some warmth but his side of the bed was cold. The bathroom door is wide open with the lights turned off. I look over to the balcony and find him leaning against the railings and of course, with a cigarette in hand. I get up throwing on my clothes quickly on knowing it was colder in the mornings. “Have you ever tried quitting?” He turns with a smile and a shake of his head follows.

“Goodmorning sunshine” He pulls me against him giving me a side hug. I snuggle up against him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Does it bother you?” He simply asks after placing a kiss on my head.

“Yes. It's a love and hate thing. Everytime I smell it, it reminds me of my father or the fairs in my childhood” It probably wasn’t good inhaling or loving the smell but whatever. “He never smoked infront of us but the smell always lingered, even after a shower” I feel Javiers tighten. “Although I wouldn’t see it I knew he would smoke atleast 2 everyday and so sometimes hearing my mother argue about how it wasn’t good for your health well,” That meant I could have a short time with my father. “I couldn’t say anything to him, thankfully he is still alive and well” I didn’t see Javier dispose of the cigarette but I knew he didn’t have it in hand when both hands moved to cup my face.

“This will be my last one” He places a small kiss on my lips.

“Javier I didn’t-”

“I know” He gives me another kiss. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. “Mi princesa shouldn’t have to ask” I roll my eyes with a laugh.

“That's so stupid” I hit his chest jokenly.

“It's not stupid” He pulls me closer to my face. “Either way I was planning to quit” His face inches closer, hovering over mine. “You were my incentive”

“Yeah?” I whisper, holding on to his shirt.

“Mhm” He nods. We probably looked stupid with a grin on our face looking at eachother in such a way.

“How about we play a game” I pull my face an inch away so I don’t get tempted to just give into those brown puppy dog eyes. I move my hands and down his chest.

“Listening” He smiles.

“If I smell a cigarette on you,” I pause as one hand makes its way under his shirt. “If I see you with one,” The other hand moves under. “If I see you near one,” I unbuckle his belt. His grasp on my face loosened. “If I hear you snuck one,” His belt loose and his zipper down I sneak my hand in.

“Fuck” He hissed. His head falls against my shoulder. His body twisted a bit to cover my actions from who? I don’t know, it was an empty field with animals. My hand starts to tease his tip already spilling with precum. His hand grip my hips pulling me closer.

“No more fun time” He quiets his moan as my grip lowers. “No more kisses” His whines sounded like he was a teenager getting touched for the first time. Like he didn’t wet his dick less than 12 hours ago. “But if you hold out” My hands come out and I lick my palm going straight back to give him attention.

“y/n” His voice low, barely above a whisper. I cradle his head with my other hand, playing with his hair in the process. My hands moving with speed his pants allowed me to, but it seemed to be enough for Javier.

“You don’t even have to ask for my promission” He grunts. His grip on my hips trying to crush me. I knew I was teasing him but I wasn’t joking. I would allow Javier to do unimaginable things to me whenever he wanted to but that's because I trust him and he would never do anything I wouldn’t be okay with. My hands speed up. His pants against my ear.

“I don’t want to cum in my jeans like a 14 year old kid” He kisses my neck. “I want to know what your tongue feels like choking on my cock” He made my knees buckle in 2 seconds. He continued to kiss me but his breath got caught when I felt him twitch in my hand. “No wait” He groans. I smile, pulling him into a kiss. He desperately held on to me, pouring all his noises into my mouth.

“Javier?” Our bodies move away in a hurry. Thankfully like I said, his body covered our actions. If people were looking up to the balcony they would see just two people kissing with their hands wrapped around eachother. I hear Javier clear his throat and I could start feeling my cheeks turn red. I look over and see an older guy.

“Goodmorning Pops” Javiers looks over to me and smiles. “This is y/n” He says softly. I wave over.

“Nice to meet you” A big smile appears on his face from down below.

“Canijo” The older gentleman whispers, shaking his head. “Nice to meet you mija” He sends a smile before looking over to Javier. “You and I will have a talk later, I taught you better than this” I look over seeing Javier with slump shoulders. “Come have breakfast” He smiled at both of us. “It's his teenage years all over again” It seemed he wanted to keep that to himself as he made his way into the house but we heard that. I turn to look at Javier whose smile disappeared.

“Do you think we have 5 minutes?” I look up hopeful, which I respond with an eyeroll and walk into his room again. “Come on! I am going to die if-” I shook my head and decided to cut him off.

“So what did he mean by, his teenage years all over again?. Were you the one who sneaked girls into his room and paraded them in the mornings?” I was praying for a no. When I didn’t hear an answer I turned to look over at Javier. I raised my brows seeing him only staring back at me.

“Are you jealous?” Of course he would try to turn the conversation to favor him. I roll my eyes once more and turn to finish looking presentable.

“That was years ago, unless you plan on sneaking another girl here-” A hand grips my waist turning me around to be pushed between his dresser and him.

“It wasn’t as many girls you may be picturing” My head twisted a bit wondering if he would continue. He softly exhaled and continued, “It was only one and it wasn’t a one time thing” Now I was beyond intrigued. “She became my fiance at one point” Shocked. It was the only words I could think of to describe my state. “We were young and things got in the way” He spoke like it was instructions on how to cook an egg, quick and simple.

“You can’t just spill something like that and just leave me hanging” I hit his chest. “What was her name? How old were you guys? How did she look?” I see him close his eyes trying to fight himself. “How many times did yall do it on the bed? Wait!, did yall do it in the bathroom?” I gasp jokenly, “Against this dresser?” I pushed myself off but I was against it in a quick second. His grasp on my hip pushed me harsher.

“Her name was Lorraine,” He whispered. I look up, his eyes intensely looking at mine. “I can’t remember where we did it” His tone lowered. “The only thing I remember is you on my bed” His face moves closer but to the side of my face. He places a kiss and another moving lower towards my neck. “How I want to remember you in the shower” I close my eyes. His breath was hot,traveling further down. “On the countertop” He moves my shirt to reveal my shoulder. “On this dresser” Slowly I came back to life. I felt his hand circling my back. His pelvis rubbing against my stomach and his lips which already left marks on my neck was currently leaving some on my shoulder.

“Javi” I pull on his shirt trying to grip something for stability.

“Mi amor?” He pulls back and I groan, already missing his attention. “Years ago my horny teenage self would stop at nothing to have you in his bed” I chuckle.

“I can always count on you being romantic” I laugh, shaking my head. My laugh quiets down as a small smile is on his face.

“I just want you to know that it was the past” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “My whole existence is stained with you. My past nor my future matters to me because I am stuck in the present with you” That tugged on my heart strings.

“Javier Pena” I smile looking up. “I don’t care what happened back then” I move my hands to grip his face. “As long as you stay here with me” Before he could answer a soft knock interrupted us.

“Breakfast is ready! Hurry up you two” We looked at eachother and smiled.

“Coming Pops!” Javier answers. He looks down, stealing a kiss before enterwining our hand and making our way out his room to the kitchen. I was always able to control myself, but that was when I was in charge of a minimal situation. This was not the case here. This was huge, I had never met someone's parents. We didn’t even know what we were. I know I'm not a little kid but having been caught in someone's bedroom by their parents as an adult is worse. I have never done such a thing.

“I have coffee and conchitas in that bag” he points out to the table. “Bacon and sausages will be out in a second” I thank him before he heads back into the kitchen. I guess Javier read my body and noticed I was stressing.

“Baby?” I felt a tug on my hand which guided me towards the table to sit down. “Do you feel okay?” I look over trying to calm myself down

“Yeah” I cleared my throat making sure I was okay in the chair. “I just havent’ been in this situation before” It was his turn for his eyebrows to furrow.

“What? Like having breakfast with someone?” I look over and roll my eyes.

“No, I havent met someone's parents or have had breakfast or any kind of meal with one. I have been caught with someone's son in their bedroom! What could he be thinking of me” I looked over freaked out but a stupid grin appeared on his face.

“You’ve never met a boyfriend’s parents before? Never sneaked into their bedrooms?” I give him an, are you stupid look? Do I look like the kind of girl who would? Well now it was a different story, I was older but that still didn’t make it okay.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before let alone try to do these sort of things” I hear a gasp from Javier.

“So?” I look over to see him scooting closer. “You mean am your-?” His stupid grin was just waiting for my answer to grow bigger. Like a medal of ownership.

“Technically no” Grin disappeared. “You haven’t asked me properly or even taken me on a date” I shrug, turning my attention to the older gentleman who walked with a plate of bacon and sausage.

“So tell me,” He starts to speak as he settles down. “Javier told me about you but I still have questions” I give him a gentle smile. I look over to Javier who looks embarrassed. I held back the big smile, Javier spoke to me to his father.

“What do you want to know Mr. Pena?”

“Please, call me Chucho” He smiles as he passes me a cup of coffee. “So you are mexican?” I nod

“From Veracruz”

“Beautiful place” I agree. After my other grandmother died there was no use to visit

anymore but as a child I remember the bright pink roses in her garden and how wonderful the people were there. “But your family lives here?”

“Yes. I don’t have a huge family so most of them stay in a communal farm made up of a couple houses”

“Where?”

“Pops” Javier shakes his head.

“Right, I am sorry I asked” I gave him a smile. “Javier tells me you have many talents” I heard a sneaker from Javier who covered it with a slight cough. “Do you mind sharing?”

“Not at all” We spoke a while about my job and what I did for college. He embarrassed Javier with stories of his childhood. I enjoyed talking with someone and enjoyed it even more seeing the relationship Javier had with his dad.

“Well I better get started on my day” He stood up grabbing his hat. “Will you be staying for lunch?” I turn to Javier who slightly nods. Under the table he takes hold of my hand reassuring me it was okay.

“I have to go back to town-” I had to tell Javier why I was here and who knows how that is going to end.

“Well we would love to have you.” Chucho smiles as he excuses himself to go outside.

“What's wrong?” Javier makes me nervous hearing him acknowledge my discomfort.

“I am just going to come out and say it” I took a deep breath. “You have been called into the embassy” Javier nods

“For an evaluation, I think I can explain it to them so there's nothing to worry about” I shake my head

“It's not an evaluation. The ambassador sent me out to talk to you first.” I didn’t even know what details to give him to make it make sense without hurting his pride. “You are not going to continue with the Escobar case” Jaiver straightens up. His nose flaring trying to take it in.

“I expected that” He simply says leaning back against the chair. I grab his other hand making him look at me again.

“That's not it.” I know how much Escobar’s case took a toll on him, would he be willing to put himself in that situation? “The USA counsel wants to place you on another case”

“What? What case?”

“Once Escobar is captured, which could be any day now, they want you to lead a team to capture the Cali Cartel” His eyes fall to the ground. He was searching for an answer. “Javi?” When he dropped my hands I knew he was having a difficult time taking in the news. I took a chance and decided to invade his space. I got up and moved to sit on his lap which he surprisingly took with open arms. His arms moved slowly around me and I engulfed him in a hug around his shoulders.

“I need you to talk to me about what I am going to tell you next” His head fell against my chest. He nods without looking up from his spot. “I made a deal with the Mexican embassy who helped get to that decision” Now his eyes were plastered on mine. I nervously played with his hair. “As an agreement whether you take the position or not I have to take mine”

“What position?”

“Before I worked for the Embassy directly looking for people I had another job.” How do I even start? “I started off as an intel person. I went into bars, clubs, and even joined girls on the street to get information.” His eyes widened. “I never had to do anything else other than listen” I grab his face hoping to ease the thought that may be forming in his mind. “It got to the point where I was in deep in the Cartel”

“How deep?” He took my hands knowing it was a defense machinism.

“Deep enough to be considered family” Of course that wasn’t the worst part. “I was young so it was easy to lead the guy I was involved with into a trap and when he fell, the rest fell with him”

“So you are going to go undercover again?” Kind of.

“I can’t tell you much about it other than that I will be using an old member to create a new group. That group will infiltrate a cartel,”

“And then?” He spoke harsher

“I don’t know Javi. The goal is to capture or threaten them enough to weaken them”

“What happened to moving to Colombia together?”

“Javi” I cup his face pulling him into a kiss. “I think we are in the right time to do this” It pained me to say but it was the best for us both. “I think you are going to take the job and I have to take mine. Either way I have to do it and I know you wouldn’t move with me because you are a man who can’t stay still and would hate seeing the Cali Cartel winning”

“We made it work before” I smiled knowing that was not true. He took it hasrsher than I did at the time. I opened my mouth to talk but was interrupted with Javiers father walking in. Javiers face was filled with thoughts. Like millions of dots were trying to connect to make it work.

“Javier, I need you to-” Javier suddenly removes me from his lap to stand. He takes hold of my hand and walks over to the door.

“Sorry Pops, I have to do something important first” I tried to hold myself back knowing he wasn’t thinking straight.

“Wha?” Chucho asked as he walked after us. I was asking the same thing, what was Javier doing?

“I need the keys to the truck” Javier stops turning to his father.

“Javier?” I moved infront of him before he took another step. He looked down at me and then at his father.

“I am taking her on a date” He announced. He lifted his arm catching the keys in a quick move. I look over to Chucho who had a smile filled with pride. I didn’t have time to think when Javier pulled me to the truck and into the passenger seat. “Do you have your passport?”

“What do I need-?”

“Answer me woman?” He closes the door pulling my head closer to his through the window. I looked for answers in his eyes since he wasn’t going to tell me anything even if I ask. His eyes were soft. No anger nor confusion. I think about the man infront of me, it was a man I could trust, my Javi.

“Yes” He plants a kiss on my lips before running around the truck to get in. He put the vehicle in drive and we were on our way. I looked over to him and I couldn’t help but smile. “Javi?” I grip his hand to make him aware I wanted to talk. “Are you okay?” A smile appeared as he shook his head. He moved our hands to place a kiss on mine.

“I am taking you on a forever date” I laugh a bit. I have never seen Javier this way. “A date you will definitely say yes too” I looked into his eyes and knew I would definitely say yes to the date.

Chapter 20

[immanifesting]

VisualDior’s posts

since her Twitter disappeared

"one should be two things: fulfilled and persistent." QUOTE BY DIOR

THE BASICS LAW OF ASSUMPTION

WHAT IS THE LAW OF ASSUMPTION? The law of assumption states that, by assuming you are who you want to be, you become it. You manifest your desires by hiving a state of mind and the feeling that those desires, wishes, and aspirations have been fulfilled. HOW TO APPLY THIS LAW? Neville Goddard explains that achieving a desired goal has everything to do with your state of mind rather than mere action. You have to change your conception of self in order for the world to change. ASSUME AND FEEL The focus of the law of assumption is assuming the realization of your wants and the knowingness it invokes. So you must assume it, get in that state where you feel the knowing of fulfillment. WHO IS NEVILLE GODDARD? Neville Lancelot Goddard (February 19, 1905 – October 1, 1972), generally know as Neville Goddard, is considered to be one of the pioneers of the "law of assumption".

STATES: WHAT ACTUALLY MANIFESTS

WHAT ARE STATES? It's the quality of your present experience you are aware of. states is who you are being right now, and what you are choosing to be aware of NOW. HOW TO GET INTO THE STATE? Accepting and deciding you have your desire and fully embodying the fact that you already are the person who has your desire RIGHT NOW is how you change your state. Changing your state = changing SELF. YOU ARE IN MULTIPLE STATES EVERY DAY. IT'S WHAT YOU ARE CHOOSING TO BE AWARE OF. YOUR STATE OF BEING IS WHO YOU ASSUME YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ASSUME YOU HAVE. (I AM / I HAVE) HENCE, WHY IT IS CALLED LAW OF ASSUMPTION. STATES ANALOGY It's your 19th birthday, you no longer identify as being 18 years old since you have fully accepted that you are now 19 with ZERO physical proof that your age changed. stepping into the state is exactly like that. it's a mindset shift, it's just accepting it's done. "ACCEPTANCE IS MADE EFFORTLESSLY WHEN YOU KNOW IMAGINATION CREATES REALITY." - Edward art YOU ARE ALWAYS IN A STATE You are always in a state and here's why: states is your awareness of being and you are ALWAYS choosing to BE someone or BE aware of something. FREQUENCY ★ Frequency in states is simply how often you frequently return to the state of already having your desire WHEN you 𝗻𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 think of it? it's never about how much you repeat something or try and hold the state 24/7, it is how frequently you returned to the wish fulfilled every time you naturally think of your desire. FELL OUT OF STATE? As I said, it's not about holding the state 24/7. it is how often you go back to the state when you think of it. so if you fell out of state, just go back! you don't have to make it a big deal or restart your journey again. FALLING OUR STATE ANALOGY: Let's say you forgot you are now 19 and you still revert back to thinking you are 18, do you panic or spiral if your age was reversed? no, you simply correct yourself and move on because you KNOW you are 19 now. (inner knowing) DWELLING STATE this is the state you often return to. it's the most consistent state you have been choosing to go back into, which is what you are experiencing right now. For example today you naturally thought of your sp probably around 10 times, during those 10 times you think of them; which state did you frequently return to? is it fulfillment or lack? the state you naturally return to is your 𝗱𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲 ★ let's say you went back 6/10 times, then your dwelling state is fulfillment! STATES > THOUGHTS Thoughts are just thoughts unless you identify with them. (assume it's true) First of all, manifesting is natural. You didn't consciously affirm 10k times for your circumstances to come true, right? you just accepted it as true for you (which is you embodying the state of experiencing it) ANALOGY: Kim Kardashian can think of being broke dominantly but it won't manifest unless Kim accepts it as true for her and actually think from the perspective of being broke. THOUGHTS DON'T CREATE This a reminder that you shouldn't fear or fight your own thoughts. fighting your thoughts is basically fighting yourself. Here's a valid argument: if thoughts create, then how come circumstances are happening without you even dominantly thinking of it? don't you think life would be so predictable if our dominant thoughts actually create? Because it's not your thoughts, it's your state of being that naturally expresses. Noticed how things in your life feel very "you" or basically on brand to who you think you are? because self is what expresses, not thoughts.

YOU ARE NOT PRETENDING.

Some might think manifesting using the law is "pretending" you have something until it manifests, but you are NOT pretending because you actually DO have it. "I am not pretending → I actually experience BEING that version. I have what he has, I feel what he feels, I see what he sees." - Edward Art this quote is just excellent because it explains everything: here in your imagination, you are being the version of yourself who has your desire; through your imaginal acts, you are actually being that version. there's no pretending here. when you decide it's done, you are simply the version who has it. when you affirm, you are thinking like the version who has it. when you visualize, you experience being the version who has it. there's no pretending, just being. THE DIFFERENCE ok so... whats the difference between you and the version who has your desire? NOTHING. you are them if you IDENTIFY as that version. through imagination, you have what they have. through imagination, you experience what they experience. so just start being it. drop the pretending act and just start being the version who has your desire. "my only goal is to experience it because that's what I will do if I were the person that I want to be." - Edward Art

YOU DECIDED IT'S DONE, WHAT NOW?

You probably heard "just decide it's done" so many times especially in states community, but what should you do now after deciding it is done? "After you have assumed the feeling of the wish fulfilled (deciding it's done and knowing you have it) do not close the experience as you would a book, but carry it around like a fragrant perfume." - Neville Goddard. basically, Neville said you shouldn't "let go" of your desire like completely forgetting it, you should wear it like it's part of your identity now (your I AM). Remember, life reflects who YOU are, not what you want or desire. "wear it like perfume" basically let your desire become part of who you are, the same how you wear your perfume, it becomes part of your identity and you know it is YOUR scent. I really like this perfume analogy because you can't see your scent (the same way you can't see your desires for now) but you know you are wearing it right now (you have it within) PERFUME ANALOGY you may forget you are wearing a perfume right now, but when you remember it (desire pops up) you immediately go like "Yeah that's the scent of MY perfume" (fulfilling yourself + identifying with it) this is what persisting actually means btw. when you allow yourself to become whom you want to be and keep wearing this state. persisting is not wearing it 24/7, it is gently accepting that your desire is yours now when you think of it. to answer the question, once you decide its done- it is done. you have nothing left to do but to stick to the decision that it is done (persisting in the new state)

KNOWING IS THE SECRET

What Neville meant by feeling is knowing, having the feeling THAT you truly already have it. The feeling is the secret to success. Neville went on to say the feeling is the key. Neville is referring to feelings as the KNOWING of the firm conviction that you are who you want to be. NATURALNESS of being the person who has your desire is the secret of your desires being expressed. because you manifest who you are. Have you ever lost your keys, but KNEW that you are going to find them and you did? That was it. When you knew that you will find them, you were sure about it, you were in the state of your keys being found = knowing your wish being fulfilled. FEELING IS NOT EMOTIONS if you are trying to make it about emotions, you will fail. Because a state is something to “wear” all day long and emotions simply don’t last so long. Think about some states that you already have. Who you are already, A dog owner? sp's girlfriend? And now, how do you feel as such? Maybe you feel some emotions here, but mostly you just KNOW that that’s you. It’s something obvious, NATURAL. Neville said that you need to feel natural about your desires. That’s what he meant.

NATURALNESS EXPRESSES

Neville stated that the time it takes for your desire to be expressed is how natural having your desire is to you. “The time it takes your assumption to become fact, your desire to be fulfilled, is directly proportionate to the NATURALNESS of your feeling of already being what you want to be… of already having what you desire.” – Neville Goddard the secret is NATURALNESS. this is legit the key to successfully manifesting fast and also the reason why you might be having "failed attempts" when manifesting your desires. when I say "natural" I'm talking about how normal it is for you to be the person who already has your desire. basically, how much you've accepted your desires as yours to the point that it feels natural for you to experience them. here's a little exercise: think of something you already have in your 3D right now, like your phone. you know you have a phone, right? when you think of your phone, you just know you have it. That's the naturalness I'm talking about. NATURALNESS IS THE KEY have you ever noticed how you only experience things that are normal for you? because you manifest what you think is NATURAL for you. your assumptions = things you have accepted as true and NORMAL for you to have and experience.? "an assumption, if persisted in will harden into fact" Why? because once you are persisting in an assumption, you are NORMALIZING this new story and consistently confirming that you are experiencing it. "how long does it take to manifest?" this is a frequent question that people ask all the time; neville goddard stated that it actually depends on how NATURAL the desire feels for you. "Why Do I fail to manifest?" "the fact that it does not feel natural to you to be what you imagine yourself to be is the secret of your failure" - Neville Neville continued to say "Regardless of your desire, if it is not natural, you simply won't experience it." yup, the law never fails, it's the law. so the fact that you don't have your desire right now is an indication that the law is working. because 3D is reflecting your state of being (your dwelling place aka your habitual/natural state) I personally think Neville was talking about not seeing and accepting your desire as yours. applying the law is a gentle acceptance; when you don't see your desire as yours, then it's simply not natural for you to experience it. WHY IT'S NOT NATURAL? it could also mean you are STILL DESIRING. your desire cannot be something that is natural for you if you keep seeing it as something you want to have. clue: if you already have it, would you keep seeing it as a desire? another reason is you are forcing your way to manifest your desires. you might be affirming 10k times and doing these techniques but is that really making your desires feel natural to you or making it even feel more "unnatural"? The feeling is the secret to success. Neville went on to say the feeling is the key. Neville is referring to feelings as the KNOWING of the firm conviction that you are who you want to be. NATURALNESS of being the person who has your desire is the secret of your desires being expressed. because you manifest who you are. Have you ever lost your keys, but KNEW that you are going to find them and you did? That was it. When you knew that you will find them, you were sure about it, you were in the state of your keys being found = knowing your wish being fulfilled. HOW TO ACHIEVE THIS NATURALNESS the secret is your IMAGINATION. when you are consistently and persistently fulfilling yourself every time you think of your desires in your imagination, you are making your desires NATURAL. Neville Goddard also explained that naturalness is a habit; if you are constantly fulfilling yourself with the feeling of the wish fulfilled- you are successfully making it a habit. "this is why we always tell you to go straight to the wish fulfilled every time you think of your desire; because you are making it a habit for you to think as if you have it. because by then it becomes your dwelling state, which manifests.

MY ULTIMATE GUIDE TO MANFEST ★

CHAPTER ONE: Burning Desire.

The only guide that you will need. CHAPTER ONE: Burning Desire. "All transformation begins with an intense, burning desire to be transformed. The first step in the 'renewing of the mind' is desire. You must want to be different [and intend to be] before you can begin to change yourself." basically, you have to realize what it is that you want and you let go of your old self. The logic here is: you cannot change if you are not willing to change. CHAPTER TWO: Detachment. let go of the past. the current shit. the circumstances. the distraction. detach from the 3D you are experiencing right now. let go of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Once you imagine a new story for yourself, you cannot condition it to the current reality, you have to completely separate the old from the new. “leave the world alone as it is and change the self.” CHAPTER THREE: A Desire Turned into a Present Fact. "Then you must make your future dream a present fact. You do this by assuming the feeling of your wish fulfilled." We must transcend vision into being, thinking of into thinking from. Imagination must center itself in some state and view the world from that state.” basically, you must stop desiring and actually see it as something you already have, something that is already present in your life. CHAPTER FOUR: Persist. Stay consistent and be committed to your new story, basically. Make it your goal to be consistent with your fulfillment. — every time you think of your desire, go straight to fulfillment. Think of it this way:

By constantly returning to the wish fulfilled, it becomes natural for you and it's the naturalness that makes it expressed. By also returning to the wish fulfilled every chance you naturally think of it, it becomes your dwelling state. Also, this is the frequency I am talking about, how frequently you returned to fulfillment when you think of it. Also, this is what repetition actually means. It's not forcing yourself to only have a single dominant thought 24/7, it's how much you repeatedly return to the fulfillment when it naturally crosses your mind. CHAPTER FIVE: Expression. “By persisting in the assumption that you already are the person you want to be, you rise above all doubt, fear, and belief in the power of outside conditions or circumstances; your world inevitably conforms to your assumption.” Neville continued to say: The results will follow just as surely as day follows night. Have faith in this planting until the evidence is manifest to you that it is so. That's it. that's all of the chapters. “What if it doesn’t manifest” That depends on your state. If you are in a state of fulfillment, your desire is inevitably fulfilled, but if you are in a state of lack, you will inevitably experience lack. THE TRAIN CHAPTER: ANALOGY FOR PERSISTING think of your manifesting process like a train. you have to stay on track (stay in fulfillment) in order to reach your destination (you having your desire) if you go off the tracks (go to lack), how are u gonna reach your desired destination?? You won't. unless u get back on the right track. Manifesting is exactly like that. Think of the tracks as destinations. which track are you aligned with? fulfillment or lack? either way, you will inevitably reach your destination - the only difference is where it leads you (the results) Being on track = staying aligned with the wish fulfilled. THE BUS CHAPTER: ANALOGY FOR WHY YOU EXPERIENCE IT IN YOUR IMAGINATION FIRST. Before I show you the analogy, you must first understand what the inner man and the outer man are. INNER MAN ★ • your inner self. who you are in imagination. OUTER MAN ★ • your 3D self. who you are in the physical world. "𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑: what your inner self is experiencing within shall be expressed, your outer self is bound to experience it in the 3D. "the 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 self and 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗿 self is not separate, they are ONE. the difference is, your inner self is the cause of change and your outer self is simply experiencing the effect of the change that occurred within.

Let’s say there is a beautiful scenery that the bus will pass by, the driver sees it first, right? He gets to enjoy the view first while the backseat passenger experiences the view last. It’s exactly like that in manifestation. Your inner man sees and experiences it first and so the outer man will inevitably see and experience it. Does the outer man panic if he won’t see it? No, because the bus is moving in that direction anyways and he will 100% see the scenery. So experience your desire in your imagination first.

WELCOME TO MY EDWARD ART NOTES

LECTURE: LAW OF BEING, LAW OF HAVING

•IT'S NOT THE SENSES THAT ARE IN CONTROL, YOUR IMAGINATION IS IN CONTROL — IT'S THE SENSES MIMICKING THE IMAGINATION. •THE CHANGE MUST FIRST HAPPEN WITHIN IMAGINATION — TO SEE THE CHANGE IN THE SENSES. •IMAGINATION CREATES WAR AND PEACE. — IT DOES BOTH. •WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU ARE ALWAYS ACCEPTING THINGS WITHIN. DO I LIKE WHAT I'M ACCEPTING WITHIN? IF NOT, CHANGE. •FIRST, FOCUS ON CHANGING YOUR IMAGINATION — IF YOU CAN REALLY HONE IT ON THAT — YOU WILL FIND THE SENSES CHANGING FASTER THAN YOU WOULD THINK. •BELIEVE I HAVE THINGS INSIDE MYSELF — TO SEE CHANGES OUTSIDE INSTANTLY.

LECTURE: DON'T TRY BUT EXPERIENCE IT. •WHEN YOU REMOVE THE WEIGHT OF TRYING TO MANIFEST, AND MAKE IT YOUR GOAL FOR YOUR IMAGINAL ACT TO EXPERIENCE IT, A HUGE WEIGHT CAN BE LIFTED OFF YOU. •YOU ARE WHAT YOU EXPERIENCE. •THE MOMENT YOU IMAGINE, THE EXTERNAL WORLD LEAVES YOU. •TRYING TO MANIFEST IS A BLOCK. •YOU CAN’T BE FULLY IMMERSED WITHIN IF YOU ARE STILL FOCUSED ON EXTERNAL. •EXPERIENCE YOUR DESIRE BEING FULFILLED — MAKE THAT THE GOAL. •THE OUTERMAN WILL SAY ITS IMPOSSIBLE BUT THE INNER MAN WILL SAY ISN’T IT WONDERFUL •THE STATE INSIDE YOU IS COMPLETE IT JUST NEED TO BE OCCUPIED. •“ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS IMAGINE YOU ARE DOING IT” - NEVILLE •IN THIS WORLD OF IMAGINATION, THERE IS A DREAM WHERE YOU ARE WHO YOU WANT TO BE. •START BEING IT. •PERSIST IN EXPERIENCING IT UNTIL IT BECOMES NATURAL TO YOU.

LECTURE: ALREADY BEING SO •DO NOT TRY, BUT EXPERIENCE IT. •TRYING TO MAKE IT SO — YOU ARE FOCUSING EXTERNALLY ON BECOMING SO. •YIELD ON ALREADY BEING IT — DO NOT FOCUS ON CHANGING THE OUTER WORLD. •YOU ALREADY ARE IT — IF YOU ACCEPT THAT, YOU’LL START THINKING FROM THE POSITION OF BEING IT. •FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT FEELING YOU ALREADY ARE IT. •GO TO THE END — IT ALREADY IS SO, IT'S NOT GOING TO THE END “TO MAKE IT SO” IT ALREADY IS SO. •WHEN NEVILLE WANTED TO GO HOME — HE ALREADY IS HOME, IN HIS MIND. •ACCEPT YOUR IMAGINATION WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. •“HOW IS IT GONNA HAPPEN” “IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE” — JUST ACCEPT IT. •ACCEPT THAT YOU ALREADY ARE AND ALLOW THAT TO BE THE CHANGE WITHIN. •DON’T GO BACK TO THE ORGANS OF THE EYES AND SAY “I DON’T SEE IT” - JUST KEEP FOCUSING ON THE INTERNAL CHANGE. •IGNORE THE SENSES, IGNORE WHAT OTHERS HAVE TAUGHT YOU — OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT YOU ALREADY ARE IT.

LECTURE: THOUGH FALSE

THE ASSUMPTION IS FALSE BUT IF I WERE TO MAKE IT REAL TO ME, IT BECOMES REAL.

THE ASSUMPTION IS FALSE IN THE OUTER WORLD — BUT IT IS TRUE IN THE WORLD OF IMAGINATION.

WE PERSIST IN THE NEW STATE UNTIL IT BECOMES OUR NATURAL WAY OF BEING, THEN IT WILL NATURALLY COME INTO OUR WORLD.

WE MUST FEEL NATURAL ABOUT IT IN IMAGINATION, FOR IT IS AS WITHIN, SO WITHOUT.

YOU MAY NOT FEEL NATURAL TO THE NEW STATE IMMEDIATELY, YOU MIGHT— BUT IF YOU DON’T, PERSIST.

PERSISTING DOESN’T MEAN YOU ARE TRYING TO BECOME, IT IS BEING THE NEW STATE.

BEING IT MEANS TO EXPERIENCE IT.

“THERE IS NO FULFILLMENT IN TRYING TO BE."

THE ONLY FULFILLMENT IS I AM (I HAVE)

ALL STATES ARE DREAMS WAITING FOR YOUR OCCUPANCY.

CHANGING STATES — THE GOAL IS TO CHANGE THE SELF.

IF YOU HAVE PLANTED THIS IN YOUR MENTAL GARDEN, IT WILL GROW INTO YOUR EXPERIENCE.

LECTURE: THOUGH FALSE II

THE HARVEST YOU ARE EXPERIENCING WAS ONCE PLANTED IN THE SAME GARDEN.

YOUR HARVEST IS YOUR STATES.

EXPERIENCE AS IF IT HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID YES TO — FEEL IT REAL, AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR DAY.

REMOVE THE LOGICAL REASONING, THE WHEN OR HOW IT WILL HAPPEN, IF ITS POSSIBLE, IF IT WILL WORK — START BEING / EXPERIENCE THE STATE OF HAVING IT.

THE MORE YOU PERSIST, THE MORE NATURAL IT GETS.

I AM NOT PRETENDING — I ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE BEING THAT VERSION.

I HEAR WHAT HE HEARS, I FEEL WHAT HE FEELS, I SEE WHAT HE SEES,

I DO NOT QUESTION OR ARGUE — I JUST SAY YES TO EXPERIENCING IT AND YES TO EVERYTHING IN MY IMAGINATION.

I FEEL THE YES — NOT JUST SAY IT.

I WANT TO EXPERIENCE BEING X — I FILL MY IMAGINATION (WHICH IS MYSELF SAY YES) — TRUST THAT “YES” AND PROCEED TO EXPERIENCE IT.

MY ONLY GOAL IS TO EXPERIENCE WHAT I WANT TO EXPERIENCE BECAUSE THATS WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WERE THE PERSON I WANT TO BE.

IMAGINATION HAS ALREADY SAID YES.

IF IMAGINATION HAS NOT SAID YES, THEN YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO IMAGINE IT.

LECTURE: THE FEELINGS WE SEEK

THE FEELING OF THE WISH FULFILLED MEANS — YOU MAKE YOUR FUTURE DREAM A PRESENT FACT.

IF YOU WERE WHO YOU WANT TO BE — ALL YOU WOULD DO IS EXPERIENCE BEING IT.

YOU MUST BE WHAT YOU EXPERIENCE IN YOUR IMAGINATION.

WHEN WE IMAGINE, WE ARE NOT PRETENDING — WE ARE IMMERSING TO BECOME IT.

WE DON’T QUESTION.

DON’T FORCE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE — IT COMES NATURAL AS YOU ACCEPT ITS DONE.

FEELING OF THE WISH FULFILLED IS SUBJECTIVE.

THE ONLY GOAL IS TO ACCEPT IT'S DONE.

THE WHEN HAS ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED — IT'S NOW.

THE HOW HAS ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED — IT'S NOW.

YOU WALK BY FAITH, NOT SIGHT — THAT IS THE FEELING YOU SEEK.

THE INNER MAN DOES NOT NEED PERMISSION — THE INNER MAN IS ALLOWED TO DENY THE SENSES IF IT WANTS TO.

LECTURE: ONLY ONE CAUSE

THERE’S NO EARNING ON THE INSIDE — ITS JUST ACCEPTANCE.

THERE ARE NO TWO GODS — THERE IS ONLY ONE — THAT ONE CAUSE IS WITHIN.

LEARN TO BREAK THE HABIT OF DESIRING SELF INSIDE — START BEING A FULFILLED SELF INSIDE BECAUSE THAT IS AVAILABLE TO YOU. ALL THINGS ARE INSIDE.

THERE’S ONLY ONE CAUSE — IMAGINATION.

THE ONE GIVES ME THE BAD IS THE SAME ONE WHO GIVES ME THE GOOD.

YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO GIVE YOURSELF THE GOOD NOW.

LECTURE: THE PROBLEM AND SOLUTION

YOU CAN MAKE IT FEEL REAL. PROVIDE THE FEELING OF REALITY. YOU JUST KEEP ASSUMING IT IS REAL.

IN ORDER FOR ONE TO OCCUPY A NEW STATE — YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT YOUR MIND IS SIMPLY EXPRESSING YOUR STATE.

YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES IS JUST A STATE — SO IS YOUR DESIRES. BOTH OF THESE STATES COME FROM IMAGINATION.

I AM THE PROBLEM AND I AM THE SOLUTION.

WHAT'S CHALLENGING IS: IF ONE WAS IN A STATE FOR SO LONG — THEY IDENTIFY WITH IT AND SEE IT AS A PERMANENT REALITY — BUT REALIZE IT'S JUST A STATE.

THE ONLY REASON IT DOESN’T FEEL REAL IS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT CREDITING IT WITH REALITY, THE WAY YOU ARE CREDITING YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES WITH REALITY.

BY LOSING HIMSELF IN THE IMAGINATION — HE BECOMES IT — AND IT INEVITABLY BECOMES HIS REALITY.

THE UNDESIRABLE IS JUST A STATE — ACCEPT THIS FULLY.

THE FIRST STEP IS ACCEPTING YOU ARE IN A STATE NOW — AND THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ASSUME A NEW STATE.

LECTURE: THE NAME OF I AM

LIFE REFLECTS WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

I AM — IN THE PRESENT NOW.

CHANGE YOURSELF IN YOUR IMAGINATION.

YOU ARE IT NOW.

YOU CAN ALWAYS RESHAPE ANYTHING IN YOUR MIND,

REVISE IT AND ACCEPT THAT WAS THE DAY YOU HAD.

YOUR TOMORROW IS WHAT YOU DO NOW. RIGHT NOW IS WHAT SHAPES YOUR FUTURE.

WANT TO SEE THE FUTURE? CHECK YOUR STATE NOW.

THE IMAGINATION GIVES YOU WHAT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL — YOU ARE WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY FOR TOMORROW, IT WILL SHAPE WHAT YOU DO NOW.

I AM — IS A PRESENT TENSE.

LECTURE: FREQUENCY

FEEL THE WISH FULFILLED EVERYDAY — HE MUST BE CONSISTENT ABOUT IT DAILY.

“FEELING THE WISH FULFILLED ONE TIME IS GREATER THAN TRYING TO ‘IMPRESS’ YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS OR REPEATING THOUSAND AFFIRMATIONS A DAY”

THE FULFILLMENT IS WITHIN YOU.

YOU ARE THE IMAGINIST.

FEELING THE WISH FULFILLED — FEELING IT AS A PRESENT FACT.

LEAVE THE WORLD ALONE — DON’T CARE ABOUT THE OUTER REALITY

GO WITHIN — CHANGE YOURSELF INSIDE.

WHO CARES WHAT THE WORLD SAYS.

IF I WANT TO SEE IT FULFILLED — I IMAGINE SEEING IT.

IF I WANT TO HEAR IT FULFILLED — I IMAGINE HEARING IT.

FEEL IT REAL.

WHAT IS SO IN IMAGINATION — EXPRESSES.

WELCOME TO MY Neville Goddard NOTES + Q U OT E S

NEVILLE GODDARD NOTES

N°1 : “You imagined yourself into your present state. If you don’t like it, you must imagine yourself out of it and into another. It is all a matter of moving from one state into another one.” N°2 : “Live in the feeling of being the one you want to be and that you shall be.” N°3 : “You, by your conscious assumptions, determine the nature of the world in which you live. Ignore the present state and assume the wish fulfilled. Claim it; it will respond. N°4 : Every moment of your life, consciously or unconsciously, you are assuming a feeling. “Don't be anxious or concerned as to results. The results will follow just as surely as day follows night. Have faith in this planting until the evidence is manifest to you that it is so. N°5 : “If you react based on the past, you continue in the same pattern, start being a new page.” N°6 : “Determined imagination & thinking from the end is the beginning of all miracles.” N°7 : “He is in the world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knows Him not.” N°8 : “The first step in the renewing of the mind is desire. You must want to be different before you can begin to change yourself. Then YOU MUST MAKE YOUR FUTURE DREAM A PRESENT FACT. You do this BY ASSUMING THE FEELING OF YOUR WISH FULFILLED. N°9 : “As we lift up our consciousness, our world reshapes itself in harmony with the level to which we have risen.” N°10 : “Now let this saying sink deep in your ear: BE CONSCIOUS OF BEING THAT WHICH YOU WANT TO APPEAR.” N°11 : “Prayer— the art of believing what is denied by the senses — deals almost entirely with the subconscious. Through prayer, the subconscious is suggested into acceptance of the wish fulfilled, and, reasoning deductively, logically unfolds it to its legitimate end.” N°12 : “It is not what you want that you attract; you attract what you believe to be true about yourself.” N°13 : “Regardless of what you want to be, you must declare you already are it and persist in that assumption. An assumption is an act of faith, and without faith it is impossible to please God. Your reasoning mind may deny wealth. Your senses deny it too, but if you have faith you will dare to assume wealth, thereby becoming the man you want to be.” N°14 : “I thought I could change others through effort. Now I know I cannot change another unless I first change myself. To change another within my world I must first change my concept of that other. N°15 : “Whenever your feeling is in conflict with your wish, feeling the wish fulfilled will be the victor.” N°16 : “The assumption of the wish fulfilled is the ship that carries you over the unknown seas to the fulfillment of your dream. The assumption is everything; realisation is subconscious and effortless.” N°17 : “Once defined, your conscious claim established, continue in this confidence until the reward is received. As surely as the day follows the night any attribute, consciously claimed, will manifest itself.” N°18 : “Such simple acceptance of your desires is like the dropping of fertile seed into an ever-prepared soil. When you drop your desire in consciousness as a seed, confident that it shall appear in its full-blown potential, you have done all that is expected of you.

N°19 : “The future must become the present in the imagination of the one who would wisely and consciously create circumstances.”

N°20 : To be worried or concerned about the manner of their unfoldment is to hold these fertile seeds in a mental grasp and, therefore, to prevent them from really maturing to full harvest.”

N°21 : “Why should you ask man for permission to express when you realise that your world, in its every detail, originated within you and is sustained by you as the only conceptional director”

N°22 : “By persisting in the assumption that you already are the person you want to be, you rise above all doubt, fear and belief in the power of outside conditions or circumstances; your world inevitably conforms to your assumption.”

N°23 : “You imagined yourself into the state you are now occupying, and you can imagine yourself into any state you desire to express. No outside deity moved you into the state of misery you are now expressing; you did it yourself because you forgot who you are. You are the being who conceived every state in the beginning and deliberately started your journey by moving into a state.”

N°23 : “Nothing comes from without; all things come from within.”

N°24 : if you would catch a large measure of life, you must leave behind the shallows and launch out into the deep blues where the big ones play. To catch the large manifestations of life you must enter into deeper and freer states of consciousness; only in these depths do the big expressions of life live.” (go in depth and trust freely your imagination)

N°24 : “Your world in its every detail is your consciousness objectified.”

N°25 : “quietly where you are and assume the mental attitude of listening; recall your friend's voice; with this familiar voice established in your consciousness, imagine that you are actually hearing his voice and that he is telling you how you already are who you wanted to be or to have; feel the thrill of having heard. Then drop it completely.

N°26 : “Remember the reward is to the one who endures. Standing still is the deep conviction that all is well; it is done. No matter what is heard or seen, you remain unmoved, conscious of being victorious in the end.

N°27 : “This rise is accomplished by affirming that we are already that which we want to be; by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.”

N°28 : “To move into another state or mansion necessitates a change of beliefs. All that you could ever desire is already present and only waits to be matched by your beliefs. But it must be matched, for that is the necessary condition by which alone it can be activated and objectified. Matching the beliefs of a state is the seeking that finds, the knocking to which it is opened, the asking that receives. Go in and possess the land.”

N°28 : “Therefore, when you know what you want, you must deliberately focus your attention on the feeling of your wish fulfilled until that feeling fills the mind and crowds all other ideas out of consciousness.”

N°29 : “When a man learns the art of thinking from the end, that man is master of his fate. For he defines his end, he formulates an aim in life, and then feels himself right into the situation of that end.”

N°30 : “Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, and then you believe it to be true. Every dream could be realised by those self-disciplined enough to believe it. People are what you choose to make them; a man is according to the manner in which you look at him.”

N°31 : “The man who at will can assume whatever state he pleases has found the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. The keys are desire, imagination, and a steadily focused attention on the feeling of the wish fulfilled. To such a man any undesirable objective fact is no longer a reality and the ardent wish no longer a dream.”

N°32 : “Life does not care whether you call yourself rich or poor; strong or weak. It will eternally reward you with that which you claim as true of yourself.”

N°33 : “If you are dissatisfied with your present expression of life, then you must be born again. Rebirth is the dropping of that level with which you are dissatisfied and rising to that level of consciousness which you desire to express and possess.”

[nwarrior777]

i was a bad person and here is my big message about it

even tumblr couldn't hold this much of a post so i made it under the cut. well. i was trying to write it for YEARS sooo i guess it's a little hard to squish in something small

i am frightened of seeing your reaction on this post but. it needs to be made. i wanted to make it for years. if not now then when?

long story about one fundamental thing i deeply regret and want to leave in the past and move on, and today is the perfect time to talk about it.

so. as i told, yesterday was my 26 birthday. and it was a special one. cause i gave it concept

26 years. 25+1. for me it means that half of my life is behind me. (maybe 1/3 if i will be lucky). i decided my 26 birthday will be beginning of my new era. i will leave my past behind and will go into my. present.

the problem is that my past is soooo fucked up

i did a lot of cringe bad things, WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET ABOUT but i want to tell you about one, which is haunting me the most. i thought about writing post about it sooo much times, i tried, but i couldn't do it everytime because then i thought about it i felt soooo ashamed and just burning in selfhate so what's the thing and why exactly this thing I want to tell you about above all of the things which i regret? well because now i am totally opposite person to that mindset which i am ashamed of so! pls keep in mind that i REGRET having that mindset. i think i realized that it's something not good in my 19 years old (my 19 years old is my turning point in life in general), now i am one day 26, but it's still was hunting me!!! 6 fucking years of constant shame and hating myself!!! at this moment i got rid of this thing in my mind and actions completely, and i want to put the final nail in the coffin by this post. so!!! i.. H A D (NOW I DON’T!!!)... fat fetish :c ( * internal screaming full of fear, selfhate and realising that i can hurt someone's feeling by that * ) i almost always had complicated relationships with fatness. first anorexia, but, at the same time then i hated my body i realized that i find fat people beautiful, hot even? (mostly masculine dudes? i don't remember that i thought about others?). and then i got into my horny ~18 yeaaars and ehhhh i was exploring my horny feelings  and preferences. i was deep diving in that fat fetish content, i even made sooome drawings (I think I posted, ~2 on internet AND I HATE THE FACT THAT THEY EXIST SO MUCH). and. next thing will sound naive. but. people who do bad things are always dumb and don't realize basic shit. so. i haven't seen anything bad in fat fetish. and at this time i already had my own moral compass, which i still have AND it helped me get out of this my moral compass: if it hurts someone - it's bad. if not – then it’s fine. and my depiction of fat fetish was reversed in my head. i thought that people participating in it.. feeling sexy and validated? that it's something powerful (I DON'T THINK THIS WAY NOW!) but then i saw one post

it was a person, saying, that they saw a content with fetishization of their appearance and they felt uncomfortable and humiliated by it

and i was like "wait what??? fetishes make people sad??? IT SOMETHING WHAT HURTS SOMEONE??? It's!!! It's... a bad thing!!!"

and i think since then i started to go away from it?

and it's not a second, day or month. you know that getting rid of cigarettes is hard and takes time, right? imagine how hard and how much time will take getting away from moral mindset mistake

if you do something bad it usually means that it is deep in your life

it's hard to go away from people with same mindset, your actions in the past which you thought was fine are now your shame etc etc

but!!! i've been working on myself. i don't want to hurt people, and yeah, hurting someone's feelings counts too.

sooo time was going by and it was less and less fetish content in my corner of internet. i realized that fetish is NOT something powerful and cool or sexy. representation is!!! you can draw gorgeous powerful sexy person without fetishization. actually people on fetish art... well, sometimes they don't even look like people. more like fucked up sex toys. it's so wrong, so bad and i am so ashamed that at some point of my life i thought it's something not awful

then i got into art community, more queer and bodypositive, i learned how to love my body, accepted it at 100% beat the fuck up anorexia. my feed in all the social media are now queer/bodypositive/artists usually all at once. if i see fetish blog reblogging me (i can't check every one but sometimes it happens) i ban it and

and now i don't watch any fetish content, don't have fantasies or dreams about that. now even if i see some content by accident (then you are in internet, you sometimes see shit which you don't want to see, like idk, some fetish blog relogging my art) it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't turn on at all.

it was the last thing of this to defeat - physical desire. It’s like addiction, sometimes i wanted to watch Fetish Horny Content sooooo bad that it literally was on physicall level, and i just, well, watched and blamed myself for that after

and here is a little strange part, because one day it just... disappeared? with all my libido. aand honestly, it's fine, maybe i can't get turn on at all, but better not feeling libido at all then having it and having this shit in the head. aaaand also i have kiinda same emotions from... art. like cool art. in general. like, show me a good dramatical movie, some cool music, some touching piece of art, cool fucking made edit - i am shivering and crying tears of joy. i have this sooo, yep, it's enough for me, and i can survive loosing libido, if it's price for taking fetish from my head - shut up and take my... libido (okay that part turn out kinda goofy but like, let’s take it as lightning the mood because all the post is some fucked up dark shit)

so yeah. long story short, i was a cringe bad person and i regret that. i've done many cringe things but i decided to tell you exactly about this one because it is fundamental thing in my life and, as you can see, my art

as you could notice, all my characters are fat. and i am trying my best to draw them respectfully. goal of my life is trying to be good person (trying because you can never be sure that you are 100% right. you need to listen people and be ready to change. it's never ending road. what's why i use word "trying". you can't "be" good. only try) goal of my art is to bring people happiness by art, and representation is my method.

i feel very ashamed of that fact that i was participated in phenomen like fat fetish and now i make opposite thing - draw art, based on representation of fat people (and also queer and having other features but this post is not about that)

aaand yeah, sounds not very nice

but... i just hope that you can see that i am drawing fat people with respect. yes, a lot of time my characters presented as sexy. but i am trying to draw fat characters sexiness in respectful way. i've seen fetish art - and i am trying to draw NOT like that.

i learned my lesson. i don't want EVER draw fetish art again. i want!!! draw good things which brings people joy. i deeply sorry for that fetish thing was in my mind. but it's gone. I fought it in me for years, i won, fuck this thing. i want this thing stay in the past!!!!!

and brain, stop fucking hunting me with "whEn thEy wIll KnoW thEy Will Be All DissApoinTed in YoU!! ALL YOUR ART INFLUENCE WILL ZERO OUT THEN PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT!!!" these thoughts were been killing me for YEARS

so

i am deeply ashamed of having fat fetish phaze. but it's over. i learned that it's bad, i don't want to have it in my life ever again. and i don't want my drawings of fat people be part of it. i do it for different reason - to make representative art, which bring people joy, not hurting them.

i was carry this self-fight for years. and this day, my 26 birthday, seems like perfect day to finally leave this shit in the past and move on. i mean, i realised that it's a bad thing ~5-6 years ago. but my brain didn't let go thoughts about that. i am done with this. i want to break free from this shame. i hope i can have a second chance on that...

i really hope that you guys will be able to get joy from my art after that. i got rid of this shit in my mind, i promise. just. please don't turn back from me because because of this mistake. if you can.

(pls, if you have words of support, leave a comment. idea of this post was hunting me for years, and now it finally written. it's finally out of my chest. i want to get free from this. thank you)

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

The Big German Tween Soap Opera Drama (So far)

Here's the writeup for all those of you who don't go here but still love reading about drama from fandoms you're not in.

What is Schloss Einstein?

Schloss Einstein is a German soap opera aimed at ~10 to 14-year-olds. Since it's been on air since 1998 with 26 seasons and over 1000 episodes, it also has fans beyond its target audience who grew up with it and either never stopped watching it or picked it up again at some point.

The show focuses on the live of students at a fictional boarding school with common themes being love, friendship, slice of life and the occasional comedy or mystery story.

Noah and Colin

In season 26, the show got its first mlm storyline. The show already had a wlw storyline in season 23 that was generally well received and so we had hopes.

In the first episode of season 26, Colin gets two new roommates: Noah and Joel. Joel grows suspicious of Noah because he tends to sneak out at night and won't tell anyone where he's going. Eventually, he and Colin discovder that Noah secretly took his dog Freddy with him and hid him in the woods because his parents wanted to send him to the shelter.

Colin offers to help Noah take care of Freddy and Noah slowly starts to trust Colin. But then the headmaster finds out about Freddy and tells Noah that Freddy can't stay in the woods and has to go to the shelter. Colin wants to apologise to Noah and manages to get tickets to a film premier, but Noah pushes him away. He later apologises to Colin after the principal decides to take Freddy in himself and let Noah visit him whenever he wants.

Later, Noah secretly makes a stop-motion film for a project Colin and Joel are working on and plans to make a live-action horror film as well. However, it doesn't go according to plan and ends up being canceled. Colin comforts Noah and ends up kissing him but Noah runs away right after it. Later that evening, Colin tries to hold Noah's hand but Noah tells him that he's not in love with him.

In the final episode of the season, Colin realises that he can't stay friends with Noah because his romantic feelings for him are too strong - he confesses his love to Noah but walks away without waiting for Noah's answer. Noah doesn't follow him.

The first drama - The disappointing final three episodes

The first drama was the reaction to episode 1049 (Noah tells Colin he's not in love with him), episode 1050 (Noah tells Colin "that's what friends are for" and Colin is later seen crying alone in the dark) and episode 1052 (Colin confesses his love to Noah, walks away and Noah doesn't follow him).

There were a lot of angry comments. Not just from disappointed queer people within the show's target audience but also from disappointed adult queer fans who were concerned that this was sending the wrong message to young queer people - that life would always be hard for them if they happened to be gay.

The second drama - The new opening

Traditionally, the show does an Advent calender on social media with pictures from the upcoming season and finally the new opening.

It was already clear that Colin's actor wouldn't be around for the whole season because he landed a role in a film and his schedule would have overlapped with the shooting of Schloss Einstein. But since the first press release for season 27 stated that there would be 19 main characters and being credited as a main character usually guaranteed that said character would appear in the opening, we had some hope.

Well, the new opening was released and guess what? Colin wasn't in it. Cue another round of angry comments, this time mainly from people in the target demographic who thought Colin wouldn't appear in season 27 at all. And why? Because there was no official info. You had to see a picture a cast member posted on BeReal or read the wiki to know Colin would be in season 27. And even those of us who knew Colin would still be around for at least a few episodes doubt that it will be enough to give his story with Noah a satisfying ending.

And then there's the fact that season 27 is going to focus on a mystery plot about a treasure hunt. The last season to do that was season 24 which wasn't well received to the poor execution of the mystery plot. So now people are worried that season 27 will suffer the same fate with a poorly executed mystery plot overshadowing everything else and leaving no room for some much-needed character developement.

Stay tuned!

[natlacentral]

DALLAS LIU SEES YOUR TIKTOK THIRST-TRAP EDITS OF HIM

Dallas Liu may be playing the Zuko in Netflix’s live-action adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender, but you won’t catch him with the Fire Nation prince’s restrictive, gravity-defying ponytail in real life. 

“I would never, ever out of my own personal choice rock the ponytail. It’s a haircut that not even cosplayers are willing to take on,” he tells NYLON. “I can gladly say that I would not recommend it to anyone.” But the 22-year-old actor does admit to what fans of the original animated series have known since the show debuted back in 2015: “The ponytail does look super badass on screen.”

Liu says he knew the challenge of bringing such a beloved character to life, but not only did he grow up watching the animated series and loving the Fire Nation prince for his fierce loyalty, but the show inspired him to start practicing martial arts. Ahead, Liu takes on the NYLON 19, revealing his thoughts on ghosts (or “spirits,” as he prefers to call them), TikTok thirst-trap edits of himself, and more.

1. WHAT’S YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN (AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN IT)?

I am a Leo! Unfortunately, I don’t believe in it because of my experience meeting people with the same birthday, but us being different personality-wise.

2. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS (AND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE)?

Yes, most definitely. Although I think the word “spirits” would be a better way to define it. I’ve never seen one — thank God — but I have felt uneasy in very old hotels or rooms that have a very long history.

3. WHO WOULD BE THE THREE HEADLINERS OF THE MUSIC FESTIVAL OF YOUR DREAMS?

Dominic Fike, Beach House, and Sade.

4. WHAT'S A BAD HABIT OF YOURS THAT YOU'VE BEEN MEANING TO FIX?

Honestly, I’m so bad at parking my car. Not that I’m bad at driving, but when it comes to parallel parking or even in a parking lot, I don’t put much thought into it.

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST INTERNET RABBIT HOLE YOU WENT DOWN?

I spend too many nights doom-scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, but it was probably a compilation of Avatar: The Last Airbender lore.

6. DESCRIBE YOUR WORST DATE IN THREE WORDS OR PHRASES.

Short, McDonald’s, Black Ice Car Freshener

7. WHAT WAS THE LAST DM YOU RECEIVED?

My friend sent me a TikTok thirst-trap edit of myself this morning which was interesting.

8. IF YOU COULD BE IN ANY MUSIC VIDEO, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I would have to say either the music video for Bow Wow’s “Let Me Hold You” or Chris Brown’s “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)” just because the music videos in the ‘00s were just built differently.

9. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT, AND WHAT ARE YOUR MEMORIES OF IT?

Daniel Caesar performing in LA for his Case Study 01: Tour. It was my first one, so I remember everything about it. At the time, he was taking the music industry by storm and I was a major fan, so that concert was everything to me. I also was introduced to how much of a different experience listening to live music is.

10. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE AS A KID?

The Polar Express.

11. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MEME/INTERNET JOKE AND WHY?

The personality that comes with wearing a fedora. It’s always funny to me and forever will be. Maybe one day I’d get to play a character that wears a fedora. Maybe Zuko.

12. WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO BREAKUP SONG?

“I Gotta Find Peace of Mind” by Lauryn Hill.

13. WHAT IS ONE THING EVERYONE SHOULD BUY THAT IS UNDER $10?

A sweet latte with oat milk from Blue Bottle. A must. Just try it. It’s so good. I could live off of it.

14. WHAT PIECE OF CLOTHING FROM HIGH SCHOOL DO YOU WISH YOU KEPT?

My vintage Green Day shirt. It had the perfect shade of a faded black and the fit of it was immaculate.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES THAT YOU OWN, AND WHY?

Military boots because they look the coolest.

16. WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO SAD SONG?

Anything by Elliott Smith or Duster.

17. WHAT REALITY SHOW WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO APPEAR ON?

Love Island UK.

18. WHAT IS YOUR BEST BEAUTY TIP OR TRICK?

Korean skincare products.

19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FAST-FOOD PLACE, AND WHAT’S YOUR ORDER?

Wingstop: four lemon pepper classic and four original hot classic, all flats. Lemon pepper seasoned fries cooked well done. A side of ranch and bleu cheese. Root beer.

[samasmith23]

Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon — (Part 10)

Neon Genesis Evangelion, “Episode 10: MAGMADIVER”

Continuing my Evangelion re-watch marathon with NGE, "Episode 10: MAGMADIVER”! For my thoughts on the previous episode, click the link to the post below:

Now this is going to be a very interesting episode for me to revisit since for a lot of EVA fans this is widely considered to be one of the weakest/worst episodes in the entire original series. The most common complaints I’ve seen directed towards this episode include that it contributes nothing to the overall series narrative, that the science involved with defeating the Angel in this episode is completely unrealistic and implausible, and most especially that this episode in particular is loaded to the brim with gratuitous and unnecessary fan-service. I remember reading all of these complaints a few years after I first marathoned NGE back in college and to be perfectly honest… I never understood nor agreed with any of them since… I always personally really loved “MAGMADIVER” and think it’s seriously underrated/overhated. 

No seriously, “MAGMADIVER” was always one of my personal favorite episodes in the original series, right alongside Episodes 4, 19, 22 & 24! I’ll provide my own counter-arguments the aforementioned fan complaints directed towards this episode as I go through it! 

But with all of that out of the way, let’s finally dig into the episode itself!

Oh boy! Right off the bat this episode establishes that it’s going to heavily focus on one of the most important thematic elements surrounding the entire Evangelion franchise: sexuality. 

While themes about sex & sexuality have already been heavily present throughout NGE so far, particularly in relation to Misato’s personality and mannerisms as well as the interactions between Shinji & Asuka in the previous episode, “Magmadiver” is particularly notable in how much it emphasizes developmental feelings of sexual desire as a central tenant for characters like Shinji & Asuka. 

In relation to Asuka, the themes of adolescent sexuality are effectively conveyed in this opening scene where she’s out shopping with Kaji. In addition to Asuka obsessively clinging onto Kaji as they’re walking down the streets of Tokyo-3, Asuka immediately sets her eyes on a provocative bikini in the local department store which she claims that, “Oh come on Kaji, this is what all the girls are wearing,” in response to Kaji’s understandable concerns that Asuka is still too young to be wearing such a swimsuit.

This interaction not only further establishes Asuka’s adolescent one-sided infatuation with the much older Kaji, but it also feels like a very honest and sincere portrayal of teenage sexuality. In addition to plenty of teens in the real-world often developing one-sided crushes on older individuals, celebrities or even fictional characters (for instance, one of my personal earliest childhood crushes was supermodel/actress Rebecca Romijn’s portrayal Mystique from the live-action X-Men movies), several adolescents will simultaneously struggle with wanting to be perceived as being more “mature” and “adult” than they actually are like with Asuka here. 

And skipping ahead a little, but this is something that Kaji acknowledges during a flashback in Episode 22 when he rejects Asuka’s inappropriate advances towards him precisely BECAUSE she is still a 14-year-old girl, stating that she shouldn’t rush into engaging in adult activities like sex BECAUSE she is still a minor who’s developing and learning, and that she should hold onto her youth while it lasts.

“Public middle school?” I thought that Asuka & Shinji were freshmen in high school, since that’s what grade I was in back when I was 14-years-old (they could be in 8th grade, but still)…

I love how naturally the little tidbits of world-building are established throughout this series! We get a glimpse of just how big of an event the Second Impact was, as well as just how much the near-apocalyptic disaster affected the daily lives of every single person on the planet through Kaji’s comment here about how his generation never got to go on school field trips!

While Asuka’s reaction to the news that neither she or Shinji will be allowed to go on their school field trip due to being on standby in case another Angel attacks can definitely come across as overly whiny, I feel that it’s rather effective in highlighting one of the major downsides of being an EVA-Pilot. Namely that because Asuka & Shinji are essentially serving as child-soldiers who pilot giant robots to fight against alien monsters threatening to destroy the world, the two are essentially being forced into adulthood far too early and are unable to enjoy the youth of adolescence like their fellow classmates are. It’s an interesting subversion and deconstruction of the Japanese mecha genre, as while plenty of mecha anime similarly feature teenagers piloting giant robots to combat kaju, EVA actively explores and interrogates the implications of forcing such a heavy burden onto literal children instead of focusing on the escapist power-fantasy elements of the genre. 

Additionally, Asuka’s reaction here also conveys an interesting contradiction in her characterization! While the previous shopping scene with Kaji portrayed Asuka’s misguided efforts to “act more grown-up” by wanting to impress the object of her one-sided crush by buying an inappropriate swimsuit, Asuka’s outrage of being unable to go on the scuba-diving field trip highlights some double-meaning behind her earlier excuse of, “This is what all the girls are wearing,” in that she was not only wanting to impress Kaji but that she also wanted to “fit-in” with her classmates. This not only conveys themes of peer pressure, but also a contradiction in Asuka’s facade of “adulthood” since there is a part of her that still wants to engage and participate in the activities of other 14-year-old girls like herself.

Lol! Asuka’s description of Shinji as a “housebroken male” is absolutely hilarious! It makes it sound like she views Shinji more like a pet than as an actual person. I wonder if that was intentional on Anno’s part?

Also, I just noticed that Shinji’s wearing more a more feminine shirt in this scene! Yet further confirmation to the fan-theories that Shinji is a trans-femme egg!

Double lol! Asuka predicted modern debates about the value and effectiveness of numerical grading within the public education system!

As much as I praise the levels of nuanced character writing for the main cast of NGE, credit should also be given for the little bits of development that Anno also provides for the background extras which helps makes EVA’s universe feel more alive and three-dimensional! For instance, this scene within NERV HQ’s Central Dogma during down-time is heavily effective in how it not only portrays the main staff members Maya, Hyuga & Aoba outside of an intense and chaotic action scene, but distinguishes each of them with their own unique personality traits. This information is visually conveyed to the viewer through their reading material and demeanor during casual down-time at the office, as we see Maya intently focused on what appears to be a regular novel (establishing her a steadfast analysis), Hyuga giggling over what appears to be a Shonen Jump manga (making him the more nerdy fan-boy of the group; in other words he’s essentially me…), and Aoba drumming his fingers to punk-rock magazines (which is in line with his more pessimistic attitude that’s later on display in The End of Evangelion)!

I love Misato’s insightful response to Ritsuko’s questioning about the idea of having a school field-trip during the middle of an Angel invasion: “I guess the idea is to let all of the kids to have time to get out and act like kids.” 

Not only does she make an incredibly valid point here in-and-of-itself, but her words interestingly parallel the aforementioned themes about youth and adolescence in relation to the expectations of the mecha genre. While one could easily argue that Misato’s words are hypocritical since she’s an leading presence in the militaristic weaponization of the EVA pilots as child soldiers, her insight here helps illustrate how in contrast to other NERV personnel like Ritsuko, Misato is willing to continuously question and doubt the ethics of the methods utilized to combat the threat of the Angels.

Also, because Aoba is tuning out to punk rock in this scene, he is therefore automatically on Batman’s crap-list!

I’ll NEVER… EVER… get tired of referencing the dark knight’s all-consuming hatred for rock-&-roll!

I actually never noticed this before, but this underwater shot of Rei swimming laps beneath the overhead nadatorium light strikingly mirrors the animation from the “Fly Me To the Moon” ending credits segment where Rei’s silhouette is spinning in front of the moon in an underwater setting! In addition to directly evoking both the imagery of the end credits theme (as well as the Ocean of LCL during Human Instrumentality in The End of Evangelion), this scene not only further foreshadows Rei’s true identity as the reincarnated soul of Lilith, but it also reinforces the idea that Rei feels more comfortable when submerged in liquid substances like water or LCL (an idea that will be later expanded upon in one of the stanzas of Rei's poem from Episode 14)!

Speaking of the swimming pool scene… oh boy there is certainly a lot to unpack here! 

This scene in particular is easily one of the primary contributors to the negative dismissal of this episode from a sizable portion of the EVA fanbase, as many argue that it exists solely for the purposes of gratuitous fan-service. Specifically, while Shinji is trying to study for a physics exam on a nearby table, Asuka is standing in front of him in the same provocative bikini that she tried and failed to impress Kaji with earlier and was unable to wear on the school field trip, and Shinji can’t help feel uncomfortably embarrassed at the sight of Asuka’s chest as she leans in to help answer his homework questions.

The situation isn’t helped when Asuka answers Shinji’s questions about “thermal expansion,” i.e. the idea that objects will increase in size when heated and contract in size when cooled, since she making a suggestive analogy to the size of her breasts to try and explain the scientific concept to him.

Many critics write off this scene as nothing more than stereotypical anime fan-service tropes being played completely straight, which is sadly symptomatic of a larger criticism that I’ve seen some people direct towards the Evangelion franchise as a whole. Except, while I will concede that the usage of gratuitous fan-service is definitely a problem with the Rebuild movies based on everything I’ve seen and heard about them (which is especially uncomfortable since the characters in question are underage…), I personally heavily disagree with the argument that it’s also problem with the original NGE series and especially The End of Evangelion movie, and that both entries instead actively subvert the usual problematic tropes of fan-service in anime in order to discuss complex themes about sexuality, adolescence, and adulthood. And this scene at the pool is a prime example of this IMO.

The primary reason why I feel that NGE actively avoids perpetuating problematic fan-service tropes largely comes down to framing, and what subjects that the camera chooses to direct the viewer’s attention towards. In the case of the Shinji & Asuka pool scene, the camera & framing makes it very clear that the narrative is critiquing Shinji objectification of Asuka instead of encouraging the audience to do the same. Instead of simply focusing on Asuka’s chest like a lot of other anime do with their female characters, the shots here instead emphasize Shinji’s line of eyesight & POV which directed towards Asuka’s body, along with his visible sense of discomfort and confusion. A motif which is continued after Asuka walks away, as Shinji not only can’t help but continue to stare at Asuka as she bends down to grab her scuba gear, but also blushes and quickly jerks his head away when he witnesses Rei drying herself off. Shinji’s dialogue also accompanies the visual framing, as he attempts to write off Asuka’s innuendo about thermal expansion with, “How should I know?! I don’t think about things like that!”

Essentially, this scene is emphasizing that Shinji is a teenage boy who is struggling with his latent sexuality along with his complicated and borderline sexist views towards women. It also serves to highlight the growing romantic chemistry and toxic tension between Shinji & Asuka which becomes even more prevalent as the series progresses. So while the scene does utilize some close-up shots that you commonly see in fan-service scenes from other anime, EVA’s directing instead places all of the focus and attention onto Shinji’s perspective and reactions.

Additionally, the pool scene also further fleshes out Asuka’s struggles with wanting to grow-up too fast and her developing relationship with Shinji due to the preceding events with Kaji in the episode’s opening. At this point, Asuka is beginning to simultaneously perceive Shinji as both a substitute for her infatuation with Kaji, as a well as a rival who threatens her alleged "superiority" as an EVA pilot.

Essentially, Asuka is overcompensating for these aforementioned insecurities by treating Shinji like a child who’s ultimately beneath her, not only purposefully flaunting her sexuality in order to get a reaction out of him, but also bragging about her more advanced education due to her having previously already graduated college early. And when Shinji dismisses Asuka'sefforts to attempt to feel “more grown-up” than him, she can’t help but disappointedly write off Shinji as a “boring little boy…”

Elements such as these are why I honestly get incredibly annoyed whenever I see others dismiss “MAGMADIVER” as “the disposable fan-service filler episode,” since not only does the framing and blocking of the pool scene instead actively subvert and interrogate the very same problematic fan-service tropes that many people mistakenly believe the episode to be engaging in, but it simultaneously utilizes this subversion of tropes to reveal important information about characters like Shinji, Asuka & Rei in relation to EVA’s overall themes about sexuality.

Also, in addition to all of the rich thematic subtext and character development on display here, the pool scene also establishes the Chekhov’s Gun of this episode, as thermal expansion will come into play 2 more times throughout the course of “MAGMADIVER”! So the scene is also incredibly plot-relevant as well!

Alright! Now we’re getting into the major meat of this episode and why it’s titled “MAGMADIVER”! NERV has just detected the 8th Angel, Sandalphon. Except unlike all of the previous Angels seen so far, Sandalphon is unique in that it is currently still in its embryonic chrysalis-like state. And while Misato & Gendo see this as a golden opportunity to capture and study a live Angel before it hatches, the downside is that Sandalphon’s cocoon is buried deep inside the magma chamber of an active volcano. Which means that Asuka’s EVA Unit-02 will have to dive straight into the lava and enter an environment far too hazardous and pressurized for normal methods of human intrusion to retrieve the Angel egg before it hatches! 

I’ve always loved this premise for an Angel battle, as the idea of the Evangelion essentially scuba-diving inside of an active volcano whilst having to contend with increasing pressure and the possibility of the Angel prematurely hatching is not only an insanely creative concept, but also allows for a foreboding sense of tension and peril with multiple ticking-clocks! Weirdly though, the Sandalphon fight seems to be another strong point of contention for “MAGMADIVER” detractors, arguing that the scenario is scientifically implausible. Except I have to ask… how is a giant robot being lowered into a magma chamber any more scientifically implausible than connecting an entire nation’s power lines to a giant sniper rifle within the span of only 10-hours?! This is exactly the kind of silly yet strategic creativity that I love when it comes to EVA’s fight scenes!

Plus, this episode also gives the viewer some insight into the Angel’s life-cycle that’s not explored in previous episodes, revealing that they spontaneously appear in random environments and enter an embryonic chrysalis stage similar to caterpillers before fully maturing into giant kaju, and that each Angel uniquely adapts to its surrounding environment. 

Also, it’s rather neat seeing Sandalphon in an embryonic stage since the only other Angel we see like this is their progenitor Adam from back in Episode 8 (Sandalphon’s egg even kind of resembles the Adam fetus now that I look at it…)

I can’t help but find it really fascinating how Gendo adopts Asuka’s mindset from earlier in the episode about shifting from a defensive to an offensive position as soon as Sandalphon’s cocoon is discovered. It makes me wonder whether or not Anno was trying to evoke some parallels between the two characters?

Also, SEELE’s Human Instrumentality Committee makes another brief appearance here as Gendo receives begrudging approval for the plan to capture the Angel egg. Haven’t seen them since Episode 2… and I still maintain my previous theory that they’re all secretly Marvel & DC cosplayers in their spare time!

Yeah… I can’t really blame Asuka’s sense of humiliation when it comes to not only EVA Unit-02 being covered-up with bulky and dull-gray D-Type Equipment to help shield the mecha from the crushing pressure of the lava chamber, but also the fact that Ritsuko’s attempts to make her plug-suit more heat-protected essentially make Asuka look like Violet Beauregarde when she transformed into a humanoid blueberry in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory…

Thankfully there are no Oompa Loompa’s to roll Asuka around… or else this whole situation would be even more embarrassing than it already is for her!

Also, I love how just like in the previous episode, it’s once again Rei who triggers Asuka’s feelings of wounded pride, since when Rei volunteers to operate Unit-02 when Asuka refuses to do the mission while looking like Blueberry-Violet (especially if Kaji’s watching), Asuka immediately refuses to let Rei lay a single finger on her beloved Unit-02!

Did… Misato just say, “God’s gift won’t be coming, he’s got no business here,” when Asuka asked if Kaji was there to watch at the Volcano? A very interesting choice of words for someone whose thus far demonstrated nothing but verbal contempt for Kaji…

Speaking of Kaji though… I’m curious as to who the woman he’s talking to on the gondola about “frozen assents” is? This definitely feels like some serious double/triple agent shenanigans here…

Yet another reason for me to hate Gendo’s guts: he’s willing to have the UN drop N² Mines on Shinji & Asuka if they fail to successfully capture or kill the Angel! What kind of a father would be willing to essentially nuke his own son?!

I love how Asuka telling Shinji to watch her imitate a diving maneuver while Unit-02 enters the lava mirrors the previous scene at the swimming pool, effectively conveying that Asuka is beginning ti crave for attention and acknowledgement from Shinji in particular!

Man oh man do I FREAKING LLLOOOVVVEEE the lava-descent scene! This entire sequence is just oozing to the brim with tension! Not only does Asuka have to deal with intense heat and near-zero visibility, but as she continues to descend deeper and deeper into the lava chamber the environment is becoming increasingly more pressurized and starting to take a visible toll on Unit-02, as not only are visible cracks beginning to form on the protective D-Type Equipment and cooling pipes, but the pressure also forces Asuka to drop her progressive knife! And the tension of this scene is only further enhanced by not only the NERV staff calculating the continuously increasing depth level, but also by the lack of background music as well Asuka being forced to defend even deeper than previously calculated due to the lava flow altering the Angel egg’s position. 

This scene also reveals some rather interesting new insight into Misato’s character while she monitors the mission, as she ignores the safety protocols and orders Asuka to continue descending to levels too dangerous for human intrusions. This demonstrates that despite Misato’s previous concern for the safety and well-being for the EVA pilots, there is simultaneously a part of her that is willing to risk the lives of these kids if it means destroying the Angels at all costs. Hyuga’ s look of concern towards Misato perfectly encapsulates the viewer’s feelings right now!

Oh! Two clever bits of foreshadowing here! Not only does Asuka repeatedly express her desire for a shower after the mission is completed (I mean, can ya blame her considering how much of a heat & sweat trap that Blueberry-Violet plug-suit is?), but Ritsuko can’t help but discern how Misato’s aforementioned conviction during the descent and capture of the Angel egg is intrinsically connect to fear of causing another Second Impact! Yup, this will definitely come into play later on in Episode 12!

And things go from bad to worse since the moment Asuka captures the Angel-egg in her electromagnetic cage and begins to ascend back up to the surface, Sandalphon begins to prematurely hatch and escapes from the containment field, immediately shifting this mission from a retrieval-operation into a combat-operation! And to make matters even worser, Asuka is left without a progressive knife as Shinji is forced to drop Unit-01’s knife down into the lava as this Angel with an ultra-thick lava-proof armored-shell along with razor-sharp teeth and tentacles is rapidly swimming towards Unit-02 and begins to bite away at its cooling vents and life-line!

On the subject of Sandalphon itself though, I love how in addition to this Angel being perfectly adapted to this uniquely hostile environment, we never get a real good glimpse at the Angel’s physical appearance in this episode due to it being heavily obscured by both the lava and the heavy red color pallete. I remember being annoyed by this when I first watched it on my original DVD copies due to their fuzzy image-quality, but upon rewatching this scene in HD on the Blu-Ray collection I now feel that this framing helps further add to the suspense of this fight, truly enhancing the zero-visibility conditions of the setting by making obscuring the monster’s appearance to not only Asuka, but to the viewer as well! 

But for the sake of interest, here’s what Sandalphon looks like unobscured according to official concept artwork:

In regards to this Angel’s name, according to Wikipedia “Sandalphon (Hebrew: סַנְדַּלְפוֹן Sandalp̄ōn; Greek: Σανδαλφών Sandalfón) is an archangel in Jewish and Christian writings, although not in scripture. Sandalphon figures prominently in the mystical literary traditions of Rabbinic Judaism and early Christianity, notably in the Midrash, Talmud, and Kabbalah and is generally seen as gathering prayers and passing them on to God.”

Additionally, Sandalphon’s name symbolically correlates with the episode’s depiction of the Angel’s life cycle, as some theological texts depict Sandalphon as being “instrumental in bringing about the differentiation of sex in the embry.”

I’ve seen some people criticize method by which Sandalphon is ultimately defeated, wherein Shinji remembers his physics homework about thermal expansion, meaning that if Sandalphon’s thick armor shell is designed to protect itself from the highly pressurized heat of the lava, then extremely cold temperatures will force the armor to contract make it brittle enough for Asuka’s progressive knife to penetrate its core. This gives Asuka the idea purposefully rip open the pipes to her cooling vents and force-feed a stream of liquid-coolant straight down the Angel’s throat, lowering its internal body temperature enough for its exterior armor to contract and for Asuka to stab its core. Detractors have argued that this portrayal of thermal expansion is scientifically inaccurate, but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief as the entire scenario is just so FREAKING cool!

That moment of horrific realization as Asuka looks back up at her life-line beginning to completely break-apart after severing her cooling vents to kill Sandalphon, as well as the lava pressure crushing her exposed D-Type Equipment? Absolute chills! Tiffany Grant once again nails Asuka’s sense of despair as she quickly realizes that despite successfully defeating the Angel she’s still going to die, almost as if she’s simultaneously reluctant yet accepting of her fate!

And her reaction to Shinji & Unit-01 sliding down the remaining life-line into the lava without protective armor to grab Unit-02’s hand before Asuka sinks down into the depths? Absolute perfection! Not only do we get a quick shot of Unit-01’s eye’s glowing (implying that it entered a partial berserker-mode again), but Asuka’s comment to Shinji, “Idiot… you show off!” 

Despite being an insult, Asuka says that line in such a grateful, playful, and almost affectionate tone (once again, kudos to Tiffany Grant’s voice acting)! It shows a hidden tenderness to Shinji & Asuka’s relationship that we haven’t seen before!

As much flack as we give Kaji, him mailing Pen Pen to Misato and the EVA pilots for their post-mission hot-springs bath was an incredibly thoughtful gesture on his part… though stuffing a live penguin inside of a box seems counterproductive. Hoped he poked airholes in the box at least…

So umm… Shinji overhearing Misato & Asuka on the other side of the hot springs when he throws the body shampoo over the fence and it accidentally hits Asuka, leading to Shinji overhearing a rather… suggestive… conversation where Misato seems to be teasing and tickling Asuka. I’m curious as to how much of that was real, and how much if that was just Shinji’s imagination over-exaggerating it. I know that Misato is very forward with her own sexuality and that public bathing and standards of privacy are very different in Japan than they are here in America, but I’m really hoping that she was NOT doing anything sexually illicit behind that wall. I instead prefer to believe that a lot of what Shinji was hearing was grossly exaggerated by his own perverted imagination as a teenage boy with complicated feelings towards both Asuka & Misato (the latter being a product of his Oedipus Complex), especially since this leads to the final instance of “thermal expansion” in this episode which understandably embarrasses Shinji and freaks out Pen Pen (the poor penguin was just having a good time swimming).

While critics like to also cite the ending hot springs scene as further evidence of “MAGMADIVER” being “fan-service filler trash,” not only does the aforementioned stuff with Shinji continue to convey the character’s struggles with latent and developing sexuality and complicated attitudes about women, but once we finally see Asuka & Misato on the other side of the wall and the two watching the sunset, we get two major pieces of important foreshadowing for both characters! In addition to Asuka noticing a massive scar which runs straight across Misato’s chest, which the latter reveals was a byproduct of the Second Impact, Asuka asks Misato whether she knows about her own past, leading to Misato stating that it’s “ancient history.” 

Not only does this indicate that Misato was directly present in Antarctica during the events of Second Impact, but it also hints at Asuka’s deeply traumatic childhood which serves as the foundation for the character’s struggles for attention as an EVA Pilot and misguided desire to be perceived as an adult instead of the child that she actually is.

Overall, that was NGE, “Episode 10: MAGMADIVER,” and upon rewatching it I still consider this episode to be one of my personal favorites in the series and wholeheartedly disagree with the general criticisms that most other fans lobby against it! Not only does this episode cleverly subvert the usual problematic fan-service tropes that unfortunately plague most modern anime, but through doing so it’s able to effectively communicate interesting and nuanced themes about Shinji & Asuka’s respective struggles with their own developing sexualities, perceptions of adolescence versus adulthood, as well as how the characters perceive themselves and others through this lens. Part of what makes Evangelion stand out among other anime before and after it is how its portrayal of adolescence is so earnest. EVA discusses the more difficult & uncomfortable aspects of teenage growth with careful respect & maturity, instead of creepily fetishizing these issues in a juvenile & gross manner like a lot of other anime sadly do (even the really good ones…). 

So while I can definitely understand other people’s discomfort with NGE’s depiction of these uncomfortable themes, I feel like arguing that the series as a whole (as well as this episode in particular) actively perpetuates rather than subverts negative fan-service tropes like I’ve seen a few critics argue misses the mark on a lot of the insightful themes that EVA is trying to convey through these otherwise uncomfortable subjects. Despite Misato’s running gag in the “Next Episode” teasers about “promising more fan-service,” the original NGE and The End of Evangelion are in fact very critical towards the anime fan-service tropes that were popularized by Japanese Otaku subculture.

Additionally, the lava-fight with Sandalphon was FREAKING phenomenal in just how creative and suspenseful it was, even if the weaponization of thermal expansion used to defeat it is somewhat scientifically inaccurate! So yeah, I definitely still really love “MAGMADIVER” and feel that this episode gets far more hate than it deserves! 

Next up is Episode 11!

[shimmeringweeds]

On the Twins and Communication

(Written between s2 episodes 11 and 12)

To start, I agree with speculation that there is no way these two are 19 years old at present. (the show pretty explicitly denies this, but...) The way they are drawn and the way they act pin them as being about 15 - 17 at the oldest. This puts them at about the age of 8 - 10 at the time of the murder. Developmentally, this makes way more sense for both past and present actions. I won't go far into it, but an 8 year old generally has a strong sense of justice. They still have a "black and white" mindset when it comes to what is "right" and "wrong." By the time a child is 12, they know right from wrong, and that grey in between area of understanding is beginning to form. An 8 year old will often cry, "that's not fair!" But an emotionally well 12 year old has since learned to try communicating with their peers to find a fair solution. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Neither twin has moved on from that day. They've never been given that chance.

Li Tianchen has been able to develop mentally (he's a brilliant strategist), but emotionally? He's still about 8-10.

Li Tianxi has been able to develop emotionally (somewhat), but her mental growth seems to be at around 8-10 years.

Both twins have suffered neglect. Maybe not physical neglect, but certainly emotional and mental. Here is where I want to get into Li Tianxi. Keep in mind, ep12 could throw a curve-ball. So I'm not speculating or drawing a conclusion. I'm just trying to understand the facts we have right now.

First, do the twins attend school? If so, under what identities? Their records were wiped from the system. I don't think they're attending.

It's seems that Qian Jin has spent time personally educating Tianchen, but Tianxi? It is questionable that she has ever received formal education. Her mother is shown trying to get her into a special school, her father outright dismisses the idea.

It's doubtful Qian Jin feels differently. He keeps Tianxi because she's useful, both for her ability and for controlling Tianchen. Her education is irrelevant to him.

Second. Who was teaching Tianxi to sign? She is shown signing to her father, and he remarks "did she learn any new signs today?" Notice. Her father never acknowledges her words.

We know Tianchen has been actively teaching her, and he is the only character who we ever see attempting to learn sign with her. Her mother does not sign with her, and the trips to the doctor to cure her muteness are pointed, imo. Liu Lan is more focused on curing her daughter than giving her the tools she needs to grow. ( and I’m not saying Liu Lan doesn’t want what’s best for her, or that she never signs with her, just that we never see it. ) Tianchen is the only one who we see truly helping Tianxi. The only one who makes an effort to really hear her. The only person with whom Tianxi is able to hold something of a conversation with.

So Li Tianxi grows up, with her brother, in fear. She is powerless, truly. Already, she has no social tools to help her. She's naive in that way. She's kind, agreeable, and doesn't speak up for herself. A survival tactic. Again, Tianchen is the only one who ever made an attempt to teach her otherwise.

But after the murders, Tianchen is drowning. Does he continue to teach her, to help her grow? Tianxi's "good big brother" has always been her light in the darkness, but as they sink deeper into the reality of their situation... she looses him. The only person she could communicate with. He's gone. He talks with her, but he doesn't communicate.

"We're going to get dinner, come her and take a nap." This is how he asks her to come "work." Frankly, he's a fool to think Tianxi doesn't know exactly what is about to happen. But at this point, Tianchen has forgotten how to communicate with others. He can only manipulate. And sadly, that includes Tianxi. He wants to protect her, and so he keeps her physically close, but mentally, he doesn't want her near that fire. He's afraid of how she'll see him. Yet--

Tianxi may lack efficient tools for communication, (we don't know how much she can sign because we never again see anyone try to sign with her and our only knowledge of her literacy level is the photograph.) Yet she can read people. Especially her brother. She knows, at least in theory, what's about to happen. And I believe she understands why he doesn't tell her.

Her face here, right before possession kicks in, kills me.

The juxtaposition of these two. Tianxi's look of "We're together. I'm with you. It's going to be all right" ....vs. Tianchen's resigned, lonely sadness.

Tianxi runs away that night and I find that strange. She doesn't run for help (that we know of.) Just away. And this is where I will stop. It's the dark spot in our timeline. I will not draw conclusions on why she runs or where she initially runs too. And I certainly will not bring up thoughts on episode 11. I will wait and see (and shake my fist at God for) what context episode 12 may bring.

But certainly, one theme surrounding the twins (of the whole season tbh) is communication.

Li Tianxi has limited communication tools, but she can still connect with others.

Li Tianchen has the tools to communicate, but has not connected with anyone in a very long time.

[noa-ciharu]

Stuff like this always make me laugh. Because at the end of the day:

Just what is "problematic ship"?

Now, on one side you have clearly messed up ships that involve incest, age gaps where one is a minor, grooming, any type of abuse, kidnapping etc. etc. - we all agree those are aspects that make ship "problematic"

But then, is ship between 20 and 30 year olds problematic? What if they've known each other for years but only started dating when younger one was 20? How about 25 and 45 year olds? How do I know someone with "dni if you ship problematic stuff" in bio won't bother me for something like that? How about 16 and 19? My best friend had that age gap with her bf back in the day, they're still together and one of healthiest couples I even had luck of knowing. And yet there are people online who adamantly insist such age gap make relationship inherently abusive cuz power imbalance induced by age difference. And yet I've seen a relationship between 15 and 18 year old where 18 year old guy had to escape from this possessive jealous irrational 15yo girl

What about all the action TV series or animes where characters are on opposite sides and tried to kill one another? Enemies to lovers trope? Or if just one side attempted to murder or harm other? That's still abuse right? Or if A murdered B's family member? Would you call shipper an apologist? Or if one of characters is a bigot? Is any fan automatically a bigot? What if two characters didn't have abusive relationships but mistreated someone else? What if they had a bad fallout and one character psychologically suffered because of indirect actions of another? Where is the line what amount of 'abuse' is tolerable in a ship?

What about those fandom made found family tropes where 'son' is 21 and 'mom' 29, do we get called pedos for shipping two adults that ain't even related but fandom views them as such? How about shipping characters that appear to be asexual or aromantic in canon? Do ace shippers get called aphobic for that? How about two characters that were shipped for years but only at the ending of the series author reveals they're related? Should we stop shipping them, delete all fics and arts of them? Or when both characters are 16 and there's fanart or fanfic of them doing something other than holding hands and kissing lightly (since y'know, kids those ages do experiment with each other irl)? Do we throw half of every shonen fandom for daring to ship underage characters? What about immortal characters? Who are they 'allowed' to get shipped with? Or if characters ages are never mentioned so we don't really know if they're around 17 or 23?

I could go on and on but naming every possible scenario isn't the point. Point is that for almost every ship in media that isn't made for small kids and isn't bland af there will be something "problematic" about the ship if you're persistent to dig deep enough. How do I know if you will? When I see "if you ship problematic ships dni" even if I don't have any ships that fit first category of ships I mentioned, I still don't know if you'd view one of "normal" ships I have as "problematic" because of xyz and attack me for that

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

From the Ashes Pt. 3.5

Pairing(s): Tywin Lannister x Joanna Lannister, Aerys Targaryen x Rhaella Targaryen, one sided Aerys Targaryen x Joanna Lannister

Warnings: just aerys being a fucking creep, Rhaella POV

Words: 1699

Summary: After first meeting her future daughter-in-law, Rhaella thinks back to her dear friend Joanna.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12  Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18  Part 19  Part 20  Part 21  Part 22 Part 23  Part 24  Part 25  Part 26 Part 27   Part 28  Part 29  Part 30  Part 31  Part 32  Part 33  Part 34  Part 35  Part 36  Part 37  Part 38  Part 39   Part 40 Part 41 Part 42

Book Two of Heir of Ash and Fire

Book One of Heir of Ash and Fire

She had always considered Rhaella her dear friend, even if she had been the queen’s lady-in-waiting, Joanna and Rhaella had been close. Close like sisters. When Rhaella was angered, so was Joanna. When the king had gone too far and hurt his already fragile queen, Joanna was wounded as well to see Rhaella in such a state.

So to be let go of being one of her personal ladies, Joanna was quite shocked. She had just told Rhaella of her engagement to her cousin Tywin, a man whom she had truly fallen in love with. Cold and hard to laugh Tywin. His actions spoke more than any of his words could. Joanna knew that Tywin reciprocated these feelings of adoration, he would speak softly of his love for her and it made her heart soar even more.

Rhaella should have been happy for the young, blushing, bride. Selna Dayne was surely excited for her companion. Her glittering violet eyes showed her genuine joy for Joanna.

The thin Queen of Westeros, however, appeared somewhat apprehensive at this news and gently told Joanna that she was letting her go as a lady-in-waiting.

“I. . . I don’t understand.” She looks to Selna for guidance, that this must be a mistake, but the Dornish beauty was equally confused. “Have I done something to displease you, Your Grace?”

“Of course not.” Rhaella holds Joanna’s hand reassuringly. Her face was so thin from her previous miscarriage that it stretched over her features painfully. Watery lavender eyes glance at the four year old Rhaegar who was playing with wooden figures on the floor. Joanna and Selna dotted on the young boy as he was breathtakingly beautiful and a joy to be around. “I just think it would be best if you were no longer in my service.”

“Forgive me, but you have to give her a reason.” Selna insists. Both of the young girls watched Rhaella like a hawk, eyes trying to delve deeper into her.

How could she say it out loud? To say it out loud would ruin sweet Joanna. A truth that was known to Tywin already. He had not said anything to his fiancee for a reason. But here they were, girls insisting upon an answer. They would accept nothing less.

Pursing her lips, Rhaella drops Joanna’s hand. “I fear for you if you were to stay here.”

Pale blonde brows furrow.

The thought of Aerys using the girl as he did her. . . That beautiful milky skin of her’s being tarnished by bruises and cuts was too much for Rhaella to even think about. She had to do what was best for Joanna. There had already been rumors of Aerys taken the maidenhead of Joanna during Jaehaerys’ coronation. That was bad enough. What if Aerys had it in his mind to go through with the rumor before Joanna was to marry Tywin? It scared Rhaella. She wanted Tywin to take her far away from King’s Landing.

“Aerys desires you in his bed. He’s wanted you for quite some time. I think. . . I think that the news of you wedding Tywin would be enough to make him go through with the deed. They haven’t gotten along for quite some time now.” Finally breaking, she told the girls of the secret she had tried to protect them from.

Selna’s face grew pale at the thought of Aerys, that wicked man, having his way with Joanna. Joanna did her best to conceal her trembling. Both had seen what going to bed with Aerys would do to a woman. The evidence was all over Rhaella.

It pained Joanna to leave her lady, but everyone in that room knew it for the best. With Aerys being the way that he was, Joanna wasn’t safe in King’s Landing.

So fragile Joanna looked at that moment, fragile and scared making Rhaella regret her decision for a moment before the blonde closes her eyes and nods.

“Very well. I will leave King’s Landing immediately.” Concern flickered in her green eyes when she gazes at Selna. Dark haired Selna with large eyes like gemstones. How on earth she possessed such beautiful lavender eyes without being related to a Targaryen, no one would know. The light contrast of her eyes to her tanned skin made her so much more alluring.

Her concern was easily read by Rhaella who had been concerned about the Dornish lady as well.

Selna suddenly grew rigid. Surely Aerys wouldn’t dare touch her for risk of disrupting his alliance with Dorne. The House of Dayne was a loyal and favorite house of the Martells who ruled the desert land. With their family sword Dawn, many members had brought fame in battle.

“She will be fine. Aerys has no interest in women who have already had children.” Rhaella assured her. Selna released a sigh of relief, thanking the gods for her three children. Reassured, Joanna finally manages to smile. She could leave without any regrets.

Standing up, she bows to her queen. “My lady, it has been the utmost honor to serve you.”

“It was my honor to have you in my service. Now go and live a happy life.”

* Rhaella had wept rivers when the news of Joanna’s death reached her. One of Rhaella’s biggest regrets was not keeping in touch with her. She wanted Joanna to continue on with her happy life and forget about court. Intending for Joanna to never come back to King’s Landing, Rhaella had made herself distant. With Aerys descending into madness, there was no predicting what he would do to her. All to protect Joanna and her happiness.

She felt that sorrow again when she first met (y/n) Lannister, a sweet enough looking child who lacked her mother’s beauty. The smile is what brought the image of Joanna to Rhaella. A smile that warmed Rhaella to the bone.

“It’s my honor to meet you, Your Grace.” The little girl was quiet in the way she spoke, bending slightly in the knees for a curtsy. This was Rhaegar’s future wife.

“You look just like your mother.”

(y/n) stumbles forward a little bit, gawking at the queen. Her pale green eyes are wide in disbelief before a shy blush makes her gaze shoot down to the ground. “Oh. . . People say that about my sister. Not. . . me. . .”

Rhaella smiles at the shy girl. The poor girl must have never been complimented before. From what Rhaegar had told her about (y/n), she wasn’t the favorite among the Lannister siblings. Said that many favored Cersei more due to the fact that she had Joanna’s loveliness and grace. Many were quick to forget that Joanna’s pretty face wasn’t what made Joanna a dear to be around. Her smile and laugh was what truly made her soul shine.

“Trust me young one, I knew your mother very well. You look so much like her when you smile.” She winks at her, making (y/n)’s smile return. In truth, Rhaella had been worried when Rhaegar gave her the news that he had chosen a bride. And his bride was still but a child. That’s why she would live on Dragonstone until the age she was deemed ready to say her vows that tied her forever to Rhaegar.

This little girl would someday be the queen of all of the Seven Kingdoms. Joanna’s daughter. It seemed like there was no escaping the Targaryens. The female lions just appeared to be drawn back to the Red Keep and all the dangers it held within. From her meek mannerisms, Rhaella thought sadly to herself that this girl would not survive long in the game of thrones. Even the strongest of players were known to be brought down eventually.

“They look very similar to Jaehaerys and his little queen Alysanne.” Varys mentioned one day as he had traveled with Rhaella during one visit to meet the youngest Lannister daughter. Rhaegar and (y/n) were out in the courtyard, enjoying the small amount of sun that streamed in while Rhaella was sitting down in the patio with the Master of Whispers. Rhaella didn’t mind one bit when Varys asked if he could come along for this visit. He was a wonderful companion and Rhaella enjoyed the interesting conversations they shared. “Don’t you think so, Your Grace?”

Rhaella watches them as Rhaegar instructs (y/n) where to place her fingers on the harp. Patient as ever, Rhaegar speaks to her in a soft and gentle tone. One of her braids was still undone from where Viserys had pulled at it incessantly. Thalina, (y/n)’s personal hand-maid, had her back pressed up against a column; watching her charge with a pleasant smile.

Jaehaerys and his little queen Alysanne. . . They went behind their mother to wed one another because they were truly in love. Spending weeks there in Dragonstone, the two had found sanctuary where they could love one another freely and grow. Eventually though, they both found themselves returning to King’s Landing. After all, Jaehaerys was king and couldn’t stay long from his throne. The Queen Mother always saw such a dramatic change in Rhaegar when he was around (y/n). He smiled and laughed more. Back in the Red Keep, all joy was gone from her son as he was forced to watch his father fumble with such a large kingdom. (y/n) made him happy, made him warm.

“Yes, very much so. . .” She whispers in reply. Rhaegar’s Little Queen. The Mouse of Casterly Rock. She had done quite a bit of growing herself too. Since arriving to the island, (y/n) had learned to be more confident and grow a backbone. Of course she was still learning, undoing all the things that her family had pressed upon her. She spoke with the queen mother now without stuttering or looking shy as she had with their first meeting.

Plucking from (y/n)’s harp filled the courtyard with whimsy that Rhaella missed the brief exchange between Thalina and the eunuch.

(y/n) was becoming her own person. Perhaps. . . once she was older she would indeed have what it took to become a major player and win at the

[bengiyo]

Me, My Husband & My Husband's Boyfriend Eps 1 -5 Stray Thoughts

This is an unusual release schedule, giving us five episodes now and five more later. Still, I'm curious what TV Tokyo does with this, since they also gave me What Did You Eat Yesterday?

Episode 1

Man, Japan just really knows how to start a show. You can feel the strained optimism of this poor woman in just 30 seconds.

This has barely started and I feel claustrophobic. Misaki's friends have no idea how unhappy she is, and what is this incredibly pained look she shared only with Maki?

Oh, they may have been in lesbians with each other. This is already fraught queer angst.

Ah, it feels like it might have been just Maki.

You know someone is up to something when they fake sleep when their partner comes into the room.

That's right, girl. Blog your problems.

I tell you, I hoped I would avoid teen pregnancy when I was a teacher. I was wrong.

Poor Masaki. She and Yuki are just not in alignment when it comes to intimacy. Now she only has one day a year to look forward to for marital sex??

Nice use of Dutch angles when Masaki sees the kiss.

Episode 2

My goodness, this was an intense opening scene in how Misaki immediately starts to try to suppress everything and bargain her way into an explanation that doesn't spell the end of her marriage. Yuki doesn't lie, but he's already hurt her deeply.

I hope that's not the product placement we're throwing away.

I'm so sad about this nice dinner going to waste.

I agree with Misaki that what happens next with their relationship should be her choice, considering he's been making lots of choices without her for a while.

The coworker seems kind. She can tell that Misaki is masking.

Yo this old dude shoulder checked the fuck out of her.

I was not expecting to see Honda Kyoya again so soon after Jack o' Frost, but I'm not going to complain. However, if Shyuuhei is an artist like Ritsu was, this offers up a fascinating lens into a potentially alternative story.

It is correct of Misaki to put distance between a student who expresses romantic interest in her.

This is a lot. I feel for Misaki. Not only does she need to reckon with the fact that her husband is gay and seeing someone else. She also has to contend with it being her former student who still wants to be with her, who knows that he's been hooking up with her husband.

The transitional shot after Misaki's hyperventilating looks like it might be in the same spot as the intro for Midnight Diner.

Through sheer confidence and will alone, Shyuuhei is going to get both of them.

Misaki leaving to probably go to Maki is valid, though I feel bad for Maki, too.

Episode 3

I already like Daichi and the house dynamic Maki and he share.

I was kinda excited about what changing homes might do for Misaki, but I appreciate her wanting to clear things with Yuki first.

I wonder if Yuki might be aro-ace spectrum. Seems like he wasn't aware of his potential attraction to men before he married Misaki?

Honda Kyoya is honestly so pretty.

Look at this, TV Tokyo has me watching a man and woman kiss and such in BL when I got none of this in What Did You Eat Yesterday? They're even open mouth kissing when the men haven't done so! I'm salty!

And here I was hoping that it really was just a pregnancy scare. Now Satou hasn't been coming to school.

I'm gonna need Masaki to go out with this veteran teacher.

What is the truth with Satou!

Shyuuhei is with Satou, too? And he went in her raw? She said he was only a year older, so is he 19? GODDAMN

Someone is always spying and taking goddamn pictures! You just gonna anonymously meddle? Own your actions!

Episode 4

Trigger warnings: Discussion and prevention of suicide in this episode.

This is so messy. Shyuuhei has such a hold over Yuki, who doesn't desire his wife physically at all.

Daichi's family's apples are enormous.

What is she to do with all these apples?

Oh, Yuki, I really just can't with the continued lies. Something has to give.

Is the spy the other teacher who wanted to get a beer?

Well, Shyuuhei is way out of line, but he's not wrong about Misaki's marriage.

Ah, the spy was the other teacher, whose name is Misumi. At least she's confronting him with her qualms.

Interposing the conversation with Misumi and the interview with a woman talking about her gay husband's death makes the point loud and clear.

I think Honda Kyoya is well-cast here. He has an ethereal quality that I think works really well for Shyuuhei.

Wanting to disappear is a question I get on mental health surveys, and Shyuuhei seems way too comfortable talking about suicide.

Episode 5

Trigger warnings: Discussion and prevention of suicide in this episode.

I'm really glad we saw Honda Kyoya in Jack o' Frost first. I find myself wanting to dig into this performance just as much as I want to understand the character. Polyamory is hard; I don't think I'm built for it. I like how sympathetic they're making Shyuuhei feel through his earnestness, even if he's giving me red flags in so many other areas.

This scene of the first meet between Yuki and Shyuuhei is making me sad, because I don't think we've seen Yuki be this intent on Misaki.

Okay, taking them to a place to disconnect briefly is much better than where I thought this was going.

Misaki suggesting they all live together was an excellent scene. The way the camera pans through her dialogue from her being alone, to her and Yuki, to her and Shyuuhei, to finally all three of them works so beautifully. Then having her be nervous and struggling to crack an egg perfectly underscores her uncertainty.

I love Misaki. I'm glad we're letting her uncomfortable feelings come through clearly. This isn't the life she thought she was getting, but she's trying to make the best of a difficult situation.

Furukawa Yuki is so good. I remember again why Restart After Coming Back Home sticks with me as we see the range he's shown this episode.

I like the ground rules Misaki established. They don't realistically expect Shyuuhei to help with expenses now, but she wants to make sure he's contributing to the maintenance tasks and is at least working in his field.

Hotta Akane is also doing a great job. She completely performed the complex nervousness, relief, and bemusement she felt at seeing Yuki clearly relaxed in the house again for the first time in a while, and also the strange sense of attraction she felt at Shyuuhei expressing his feelings to her again.

Final Thoughts at the Midpoint

I think it was an excellent call to release this show in two batches. It's covering some complex emotional places that I don't think the audience would be able to take in stride each week for two months. Giving us the chance to go through this at our own pace and trying to connect with the characters feels like the right call.

I'm looking forward to the back half of this, and I find myself hoping that however they all end up, they all find what they need for their own sense of fulfillment.

[thursdayinspace]

twenty questions for fanfic writers

I was tagged by the amazing @oohnotvery, thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

10, but I orphaned my old account several years ago when I left fandom for a bit. I don't know how many I had back then, over 100 for sure.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

37.724

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The X-Files. There's most likely going to be some Star Trek in there eventually, and I ventured into other realms in the past, but right now, exclusively The X-Files.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

under construction (Torchwood)

wild side (The X-Files)

in conclusion (The X-Files)

the ghost circle (Torchwood)

the physics of being alive (Torchwood)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. If I ever forget, I'm sorry! I love every comment and it's important to me to say thank you.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

held safely in the dark (Torchwood). It's not even all that angsty by that fandom's standards, I suppose.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Good question. I rarely ever write unhappy endings. Fanfic is my happy place. But I think the one I most enjoyed writing because there was NO angst at all was in conclusion (The X-Files).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Ohhhh my god one time in a different fandom on my old AO3, somebody left a scathing, vitriolic comment on one of my fics, but obviously meant to do it anonymously -- only they forgot to log out first. By the time I read it they had deleted their entire account. That made the whole thing actually funny in context.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do. What kind? Hmm. Mostly pretty plain and boring. It's all about the feeeeeelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I used to. Back in the good old livejournal days I loved a good crossover. I wrote a Stargate Atlantis/Firefly crossover once, that might have been the craziest.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I'm...not sure? I think so? But that would have been like 15 years ago, I'm not sure anymore whether that actually happened or not.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! And it's so much fun. I've had a few co-writers over the years. Once life is less crazy, I might be tempted to give it another shot.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Mulder and Scully. There's a reason my tag for them is "the ship of all time."

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

None, currently. ...I'm. Hold on. That can't be true. But I truly can't think of a single one. I can't remember the last time that happened. This doesn't happen. But no, not one.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. Because it's fun, and through years and years of practice. One of my first betas drilled "show, don't tell" into my head to the point where I feel it's permanently tattooed onto the backs of my eyelids and I see it every time I blink when I'm writing. And in my very specific case, that meant learning to make people use their words. BUT it has helped me getting rid of unnecessary exposition, which at the same time made me get a lot of practice with dialogue instead. (Let's ignore the fact that I literally just posted a fic that has almost no dialogue at all...)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action. I can't do it, I'm sorry. Whose hand goes where when? Does this guy need three arms to do what I just told him to? Wait, you were just over there, how did you get here suddenly? Anyone who can write action scenes has powerful magic and I envy you and please teach me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm bilingual, so I could do that, I suppose? The need for it has never come up. Sounds fun though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stargate Atlantis!! I still miss that fandom. Ahh the livejournal nostalgia is strong tonight...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It's usually always the last one I posted, but I'm gonna say in conclusion. I'm very fond of that one.

Tagging...I don't know who has done this and who hasn't! @mr-iskender if you want to?