#and yet he drew the line at Alex

[ghostly-cabbage]

reading the alex rider books is just like

alex: yassen is my greatest enemy. my arch nemesis. he has almost killed me so many times. i’m fighting for my life out here

yassen: i keep running into this kid while on jobs and tbh he doesn’t ruin that much for me, i still get paid, but my coworkers want him dead bc he’s an smart arse that keeps insulting them and it’s getting harder to hold them back. PLEASE go home and have a normal childhood

also

alex: my greatest foil, the one i keep coming to blows with, i must defeat him before he destroys the world

yassen: *showing up in two books as the hired assassin not actually doing any world domination, just trying to do his job* what

NO but literally!!!!! Yassen is absolutely the “What’s with this sassy lost child” OPM meme.

Alex: YOU!!

Yassen: .....It is 1 PM. Shouldn’t you be in school 

He’s just a guy trying to do his job but ofc fate has other things in store for him. AKA fucking putting the child of his mentor DIRECTLY into his path.

It’s simultaneously SO FUNNY and so emotionally compromising how Yassen was straight up ordered to kill Alex and outright refuses to. But then in book 4 was also like “Anyway, here’s the bull pit. Have fun.”

oh, book!Yassen. What a guy.

[cameronspecial]

Idk if you still take requests but if you do I would love to see a drew x reader where they have to do a sex scene (like in hellraiser) it’s so hot

Just Acting

Pairing: Drew Starkey x Reader

Warnings: SMUT

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.0K

Masterlist

Sometimes when as an actor, the lines between what is real and fake can get blurred. The worst is when that happens during an intimate scene, especially if that scene is so primal with the coworker she has a crush on.

Drew’s grip pulls her head back so that his face is next to hers. His barely covered dick hits against her bum. She lets out pants as instructed and does her best to focus on acting instead of the numerous people behind the camera. “I knew you were a little Slut. Look at you taking it so good,” Drew growls in her ear in character as Alex Tanner, a professional escort. Her character, Stacy Morris, moans out and looks him in the eye with a small nod. “So good. Harder,” she asks in a babble. He chuckles, his hand going to grip her breast only covered in a skin-coloured nipple cover. He gives it the script squeeze before faking pulling out of her and flipping her on her back. He pulls her onto his lap so she is straddling him and the make believe thrusting continues. She bounces with him and struggles to conceal her real moans as his hard length slams against her protected pussy. “YES, ALEX. KEEP GOING,” she screams, running her fingers through his hair to yank on it. Her hands fall to his back and tear down it, which creates beautiful red steaks. 

She presses her lips against him and their mouths move in tandem. This is just acting. This isn’t real. She reminds herself, over and over again. “Cut,” the director calls out and it takes the actors a second to process the command. They begin to slow down and their breaths can be heard throughout the stage. Sweat runs down their faces and they look at each other with embarrassed smiles. She hates to admit that she got caught up in the moment and by the look on his face, he might have too. The director comes over to inform them that they got the shot and that they are moving to the next scene. 

———

Y/N is moving around her hotel room getting ready for bed when a knock comes at her door. She slips a strand of hair behind her ear and goes to get it. “Hey, Drew. Is everything okay?” she greets, steeping back to let him into the room. He looks nervous as he bites the corner of his lip. “Yeah, I was just wondering if we can run through the scene we did this morning. I know Wayne said we got it but…umm… I don’t feel like we did.” Her heart skips a beat at the reference of the scene. Her cheeks feel like an inferno. She nods, “Uh…yeah, of course. Anything to get the scene right.” He smiles shyly at her. “Cool. We don’t have our modesty wear; however, we are both adults so are you okay with being naked? We can practise fully clothed, if you prefer though.”

The gurgle in her stomach begins to grow. “I think we can do it naked. We are professionals after all.” He nods and they both awkwardly get stripped down. She isn’t surprised by the size of his length and she knows it isn’t going to be actually inside her, yet it doesn’t stop her from squeezing her thighs together in need. His heart stops when he notices the movement. 

She gets on the bed on all fours and looks back at him when she feels his hesitation. “It’s okay. We are just acting, right? This is for our job,” she reassures. His head bobs and he gets settled behind her as he is supposed to be for the scene. They go through the scene and everything feels like acting until she is straddling him. This new position means that their genitals are in direct contact and he shifts under her. He can feel how wet she is and he yarns to be buried deep within her. He notices her expression turning to uncertainty, so he pulls away. “Are you okay? We can stop if you feel uncomfortable,” he says. She shakes her head, “No. No. I’m fine. I can keep going.” To make her point clear, she does as she is scripted to do and rises to pretend to sink down on his cock; however, as she goes to pretend to ride him, she feels his tip fall at her entrance.

Their eyes meet and they stare at each other for a few seconds, trying to figure out what the other is thinking. Since nothing is said, she continues to allow his length inside of her. Her moans fall on his ear and this encourages Drew to begin bucking up inside of her. She bounces with the help of his hands on her ass to meet his movement. The two of them fall into pleasure and it starts to go off-script. His eyes lock on her breasts bouncing in front of him and he can’t help but lean forward to take one into his mouth.

She squeals in delight at the feeling and laces her fingers through his hair so that he stays in place. “Drew,” she calls out. They both freeze. The utterance of his name breaks the spell over them and it is time to admit what they are truly doing. “This isn’t just acting anymore,” he murmurs against her neck. “I want this to be real and if you don’t, then tell me now and I’ll leave.” She pulls his head away so she can crash their lips together, “This is very real to me. I want that too.” He smirks at her and his movements slow down. He flips them so that she is on her back and he is on top of him. His thrusts may have slowed down but they still reach every part inside of her that she needs. They are both brought to their orgasm and his movements stop while they recover. He slips out of her, dropping to her side on the bed. She looks up at him with doe eyes and snuggles himself into his side. He kisses the sweaty border of her hairline. “Please tell me this is real. That this isn’t us just acting or a dream,” she whispers. He lets out a low chuckle, “I promise. This is real and it definitely won’t be the last time we do that. I love you, Y/N.” She sighs in his hold. “I love you too, Drew.”

Taglist: @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @magicalyoura @rubixgsworld

[stevie-petey]

i just think that steve would 100% be stitching bug’s initial into his levi’s like tom holland stitches little z’s into his. it’s such loverboy behavior and i don’t think any thing has screamed steve more

steve and bug are so tom and z coded oh my GOD he 100000% does and here is how bug found out <333

enjoy !

"honey, can you pass me the chocolate chips?" your arms strain as you whisk oatmeal raisin batter. "it should be up on the shelf in the pantry."

"on it," steve kisses the base of your neck and quickly goes to find the missing ingredient. the small act of affection warms you, shielding you from the december cold.

its nearing christmas and youve been spent the last three days frantically baking your annual holiday treats. each year your list grows more and more. alex is a new addition, it had taken quite a bit of begging and pleading before he finally told you what dessert he liked (he hadnt wanted to bother you, which you find very endearing yet unneeded).

however, with the addition of alex comes also the loss of the byers. this year youre only baking two batches of oatmeal raisin, not four, and your kitchen lacks the scent of joyces favorite muffins. you miss them terribly, wills latest drawing came in the mail yesterday and you had nearly cried when you realized he drew a silly doodle of you surrounded by a million cookies and sweets. underneath the drawing will had written, save me some cookies!

"where did you say the chocolate chips were?" steve calls from the pantry.

"top shelf," you respond, blowing a strand of hair out of your face. "next to the sugar."

"i cant find them!"

he sounds distressed, you know steves trying his best to help you, and you cant help but laugh at him. he always does whatever he can to dote on you. setting the whisk down, you walk over to the boy. "here, let me show you."

steve is standing on his tip toes, arms stretched above his head as he looks for the sweets. his frame lithe and long, and his sweater rides up slightly as he strains. "i swear, i can find it-"

"whats that?" your eyes land on the hem of steves jeans. hes wearing his usual levis, the denim taut against his lower body. theyre faded from years of use, and theres something stitched onto the waistband of them that you havent seen before.

"whats what?" steve strains his head to look at you, still on his tip toes.

your fingers graze the stitch, warming his waist. he stumbles at the unexpected touch and nearly falls against you, but you dont notice any of it. all you can focus on right now is that there are small, messily sewn initials on his jeans with red string. it stands out harshly against the denims blue. the messy lines are familiar, the letters resemble the S.H. that currently resides on the sleeve of your cardigan.

"did you..." youre breathless, so in love that it threatens to suffocate you. "did you sew my initials onto your jeans?"

steve looks down, eyes widening when he realizes what youre referring to. he clears his throat, his face reddens a soft cherry hue. "oh, that? i-uh. well, you know. i-i mean, yeah."

he stumbles over his words and tries to step away, but his back presses against the shelf and hes cornered. he hadnt meant for you to see the initials, he nearly forgot about them entirely, if hes being honest. he had sewn them onto a few pairs of his jeans one night, missing you and unable to sleep. he had some spare needle and string leftover from when he sewed his own initials into your cardigan last christmas, he wanted everyone to know that he was yours, too.

and yet a small part of him hadnt wanted you to know about it. he had sewn the initials early into your relationship. steve knows youd never be cruel to him for showing so much love for you, but some days the fear of loving too hard still lingers.

seeing his fear, you grab one of steves beltloops and tug him forward, pulling his hips flush against yours. wrapping your arms over his neck, you bring his forehead to yours. "i love you."

"i love you, too." and hes put at ease. the fear dissipates, steve hasnt scared you off quite yet. he clears his throat again, allows himself to be vulnerable with you. his heart resides in the palm of your hands, he knows youll always be gentle with it, but sometimes he needs to breathe you in. steves fingers tug gently at your sleeve. "wanted to match with you."

you laugh, your entire body opens up with pure, unfiltered joy as your chest revibrates happiness. youre so in love with him that it hurts, that it blinds you sometimes. cheeks burning, you kiss the top of steves head. "youre as sweet as honey, have i ever told you that?"

"once or twice," he shrugs, trying to be coy, but his body radiates warmth and his voice drips saccharine.

you bury your face in his neck, inhale everything that he is. nose pressed to his collarbone, your lips find the smooth expanse of his skin and you kiss him softly. steve shivers at the softness, which you smile at. "think you could sew your initials onto some of my jeans?"

"only if i can get some of wheelers brownies."

"deal."

[perfectlywrongformend3s]

I need you-Cole Walter

A/n: Well I might have fallen for yet another fictional character. So please be prepared for many with him. Now on to the story...

-Samantha

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cole's POV

I was sitting around my dining room table with my brothers due to getting in trouble at school. I was growing tired of sitting here not wanting to talk to Alex after he told the school how I bawled to mom and dad about when my football dreams ended, even though I didn't start any rumors about him. Danny was reading his lines, making everyone get annoyed. 

" Yeah, I'm with Isaac. Stop. And you guys, can you just, like, figure this out? Because, like this fight is affecting all of us now." Nathan said  

" Really? It seems like it's mainly affecting me, though, right?" I then moved my head to my eye. " You know, the one with the black eye?" I stated 

Which made all my brothers look over at me, I let out a sigh before saying,  " All right, fine, I didn't spread the rumor about you crying like a little bitch, I wish I had, of course cause you snitched me to Dad, but I didn't." 

" I didn't snitch." Alex said 

All I did was give him a look which made him sigh. " Okay. I should have said,"no" instead of nothing to Dad, but I didn't because of what you said about Jackie and Y/n at the bonfire." 

Which only got the rest of the talking, " What did you say about them at the bonfire?" Lee questioned 

" Yeah, I kind of wanna know too." Danny said 

" You guys, can we focus?" Nathan questioned 

" You know what, Alex? I forgive you for punching me. But I'm really sorry that you can't get over how jealous you are of me." I said 

He leaned up some more. " Jealous? Who could be jealous of someone who clearly peaked their sophomore year of high school?" He said 

I didn't even listen to the others. All I did was get up to go fight him again. " Come over and say that again?" I said only to get stopped by Danny.

" Maybe I will." Alex responded 

" Yo, Nathan, Guys, Nathan!" Lee shouted 

I immediately stopped and went down to him. " Mom! Somebody get Mom and Dad. Go!" I said panicking 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were all in the waiting room. All I could do was stare at the wall in front of me. The doctor came which made me stand up along with everyone else, after he told us things Mom and Dad went with him while I sat back down. I pulled out my phone to call Jackie, but decided to call Y/n. I couldn't help, but feel super anxious while listening to the ringing. 

Your POV

I was finishing up some homework when my phone rang. I picked it up to find it was Cole. Even though I was still mad at him I answered because he normally never calls me. 

"Hello" I said 

All I heard was his sigh of relief. " Cole, you never call unless it's important." I said leaning back into my chair. 

" I'm in the hospital..." he started, but immediately got interrupted by me. " What! Are you okay?" I said panicking 

" It's Nathan...he had a seizure...and I'm scared." he replied 

I stood up rushing to my closet to put shoes on. " Is there anything you need?" I questioned with concern holding my phone to my ear with my shoulder while I slipped my shoes on. What I heard next made me feel butterflies. " I need you." he whispered with a voice crack

Which made my heart break. " I'm on my way, Cole. Hang in there okay." I said 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I quickly found a parking spot and rushed inside the hospital. I scanned the waiting room and quickly found the Walters. I ignored the other ones for right now, my main focus was Cole who was leaning forward on his knees. 

" Hey, come here." I softly said when I was close

He stood up and put his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. I gently drew circles on his back to calm him further. " I'm right here, I'm not leaving." I whispered 

Danny's POV

I looked up when I heard Y/n's soft voice. She completely ignored us and I'm pretty sure it wasn't on purpose. I just watched them hug when I heard Isaac questioned me, " I thought they weren't talking right now?" I sighed, " Yea, but it's Y/n. She would do anything for him even if she was mad." I explained while still watching them. I then heard more footsteps to find Mom and Dad again. 

"All right guys, um Nathan's going to be fine. He'll come back home tomorrow so why don't you guys head back home." Mom said 

Your POV

I pulled away from Cole to find Katherine and George. She looked surprise to see me. " Oh, Y/n I didn't know you came." She said

I walked up to them. " Sorry, this one called and I couldn't not show up." I said pointing to Cole. She nodded and pulled me into a hug. " Well, I'm glad you did. I swear he's always in a better mood when you're around." 

I smiled before pulling away then hugging George quickly. " Well if any of you want to ride with me I don't mind. I only saw Cole raise his hand a little. I nodded before giving the others quick hugs before heading out to take Cole back to the ranch house while Danny drove the rest. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were about 10 minutes away from the ranch house. I glanced over at Cole in my passenger seat. " You doing okay, Cole." I whispered while moving my eyes back to the road.

" Yea, I'm sorry for what I said." he softly said 

I let out a shaky breath. " It's fine, you know I can't stay mad at you." 

" I..." I stopped him

" Let's just talk when you are more rested." I suggested 

He nodded, I then parked my car and waited for him to get out. " You know you can come in." he whispered 

" It's okay, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I said leaning my head on the headrest. 

" But I want you to come in." he said softly 

I glanced over at him and felt bad for him. " Okay..." I whispered while I got out of my car after I shut it off. 

We both walked to the front door and walked into his house after he unlocked it. " You want to go lie down?" I whispered closing the door

He didn't answer. All he did was walk up the stairs. I followed him up the stairs, we then walked right into his shared room with Danny. I saw him just lie down. I sighed a little and went to pull his shoes off. " Hey you don't need too." he said sitting up

" No, it's fine. I don't mind." I said 

" Here, let me change and fine something for you." he said 

I stopped and watched as he got up to get clothes. He walked over to me with one of his shirts. "Here you can wear this." He said handing me the shirt. I smiled a little and moved to change in the bathroom. 

Once I was done I walked back to his room, to see him in bed already. " Come in." he whispered 

I smiled a little and climbed in. " You know, Cole. Your brother is going to be okay." I whispered to him

" How do you know?" he whispered back

I turned to face him. " Because Nathan is strong and he will not let this ruin him." I softly said 

He looked over at me with a slight smile. " Thank you, Y/n/n." 

" No, need to thank me. Get some rest." I whispered going deeper into the covers. He let his hand intertwine with mine before he fell asleep. I smiled before also going to sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay so I really hope you all like this one. I'm hoping it makes sense, I think it does but definitely let me know. Please enjoy!

-Samantha

[frost-queen]

The burden you carry (Male!Reader & Bridgerton siblings)

Requested by: anon ,Forever tag:@missmelodramatic, @merlin-dahlia, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly@denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco@subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07, @melsunshine, @panhoeofmanyfandoms, @venomsvl, @the-uncoordinated-house-cat, @rosecentury,  @imagines-by-her,  @evilcr0ne, @vviolynn

When does it end?

The burning question igniting each time it happened. Each time it occurred you wondered when does it end? The pain… no the torment. The excruciating pain shooting through your head. Countless of times you had endured it. Countless of times you thought you had gone through the worst one yet.

Yet there was always another episode that caught you by surprise. Bypassing your previous feeling so strong. Each time it felt worse then before. Sometimes it made you wonder why you were even alive. Tormented with this curse that seemed uncurable.

Many physicians you had seen come and go. Each with their own remedies. Most of them were questionable liquids. It was when one of the more alternative physicians proposed shock therapy, that your family drew the line.

You felt it come up while sitting in the parlor. Hyacinth was practicing the piano with Colin. Sitting side by side as Colin talked encouraging to her as her fingers tickled the keys. Gregory sat closest to you eating a biscuit. The crumbs falling down on the little plate he was holding close under his chin when taking a bite. Anthony and Kate sat in front of each other by the small table.

Kate enjoying a nice cup of tea. Anthony reading the newspaper. Tilting your head a bit, you tried to ignore the stinging pain in your head. Feeling as if the muscles in your head contracted together. A pulsating beat of pain came up. It made you touch your forehead slightly. Hoping you could press the pain back by setting pressure on it.

Gregory must have noticed it as you received a nudge on your elbow from him. Blinking yourself aware, you turned to look at him. Gregory’s expression concerned; mouth still stuffed with cake. You forced a smile not wanting to alarm him. – “All fine Gregs.” – you whispered to him, poking him in the side. Your touch made Gregory squirm and chuckle loud. It caught Anthony’s attention. Lowering his newspaper to look at the both of you.

You kept poking Gregory in the side, making him laugh even louder. He sunk down in the couch, his legs moving up on your lap. You kept teasing him till a strike of pain hit your brains like a hard snap. It made you stop, flinching at the pain with a soft groan. Hyacinth missed a key. The sharp note chiming loud through the parlor. Stinging loud in everyone’s ears. – “Sorry.” – Hyacinth apologized feeling a bit ashamed. Colin brought her attention back to the piano.

“Let us try that again, sister.” – he said. You swallowed when Anthony kept a close eye on you. He always did. Sometimes it bothered you, but mostly it showed you how much he cared and loved for you. Gregory’s plate had fallen during his tickle session with you. He bend down to pick it up and pluck some crumbs off the carpet. Kate raising her eyebrow at him.

Making him smile sheepishly at her in return. The door to the parlor opened as Sofie walked in. Benedict following moments later. Anthony got up instinctively giving his seat away to Sofie. Kate smiled welcoming her over. – “I am worn out.” – she sighed out sitting down on Anthony’s previous seat. Kate turned to look at Benedict.

“If you keep setting her up like an object any longer she might turn into stone.” – Kate commented knowing off the painting Benedict was working on. Benedict moved his hand to his chest, smiling teasingly. – “Your cold looks might just do the trick.” – he joked knowing Kate would not be offended by such a tease.

She smiled sarcastically back at him before smiling purely at his delight. Gregory ran with the plate and picked up crumbs to the table, setting it down by Kate and Sofie. He then wanted to run off when Anthony cleared his throat loud. – “What?” – Gregory asked. Anthony pointed at the plate making Gregory groan loud. He walked back to the plate picking it up.

Sighing deep he went further through the parlor giving the plate to one of the maids. She accepted it with a curtsy, heading for the kitchen afterwards. While your siblings and their spouses were conversating, increased the pain. Head throbbing. A dull pain behind your eyes. The pain was sickening as you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand the noise.

Touching your forehead you bend forwards. Wanting to cancel out the pain and noise. Hyacinth’s piano tunes where the drop as the noise was overwhelming. An orchestra of pain and noise banging loudly in your head. Your ability to carry the pain slowly tumbling down.

When does it end? You got up abruptly. Heading for the hallway, leaving the parlor. Anthony furrowed slightly his brows till it came to him that you had left. Turning his head to the door you just went out. Immediately he went after you. – “Y/n!” – Anthony called out in the hallway seeing you hasten your way for the stairs. – “Not now Anthony.” – you replied more agitated then you anticipated. Your answered alarmed him in an instant.

Anthony rushed to the stairs wanting to go after you. As he set the first foot on the first step had Kate, Sofie and Gregory rushed into the hallway. – “Is he alright?” – Sofie asked concerned. – “I shall fetch the cold compress.” – Kate said determined already moving towards her destination. – “No!” – Anthony called out firmly. – “I…allow me.” – he said going a few steps up. – “Anthony let us help. If it is as severe as before we can assist.” – Kate replied.

“He’s my brother!” – Anthony shouted frustrated, startling Sofie. Kate swallowed in her pride knowing not to comment snarky at this given moment. – “I…I have to do it.” – he sighed out losing a bit of his frustration. – “We all care for him, Anthony.” – Kate answered pleadingly. – “I know… I know…” – he said pinching his nose bridge. – “We will be here when you need us.” – Sofie interfered wrapping an arm around Gregory. Anthony smiled thankfully at her before heading up the stairs.

You had stumbled into your room. Head throbbing, veins pulsating as you felt like losing your balance. You sunk down to the ground by your bed’s end on the floor. Knees up to your chest, cowering in pain. Sweat dripping down your neck. The pace of your breathing increasing by every inhale. When does it end? Were you ever able to experience a life without pain? Countless times you had endured it.

Each time thinking you couldn’t bare it no more. Perhaps today was the day you finally had lost all your strength to carry it. No more of it could you burden it. No more of it you wanted. The tears rolled down your cheek, panting at the excruciating pain in your head and eyes. The walls seemingly pulsating as if a vibration was leaving your body.

A sickening overwhelming you, making you want to throw up. Heavy footsteps stomped in the hallway. The door creaking open in one firm motion. Anthony rushing into your room. – “Brother.” – he called out dropping to his knees beside you.

He wanted to touch your shoulder. Not wanting it, you slapped it away. – “Keep your pity!” – you shouted at him. Anthony stared hurtful back at you. – “Leave me.” – you sobbed out. He didn’t move. – “Leave!” – you shouted trembling with emotion. Not meaning one bit of your words.

Anthony took a deep breath, wrapping his arms tightly around you. You tried fighting him by moving your shoulders. Wanting to push him off, but his embrace was strong. – “I will not let go Y/n.” – he said pressing his cheek onto your shoulder. Still resisting you finally gave in. Your muscles weaking under his grip. Anthony held you tighter in his arms. – “Please…” – he said softly to himself. – “give it to me. Give his pain to me, I beg you. Give it to me, my brother has suffered enough. Let me take it from him.” – he spoke pleading with anyone Godly listening.

“I shall hold onto you Y/n.” – he took your head between his hands, bringing your forehead closer to his. – “Let your pain be mine.” – he whispered closing his eyes. You removed your head from against his, falling into his embrace. Sweat breaking out. Shivering at the immensely pain. Head pressed against his chest; you moved your arms around his body.

“You won’t have to go through this alone.” – Anthony told you keeping you close in his embrace. Suffering against him, he remained by your side, helping you through your pain. Through the cluster headaches you have been feeling since you were but a young boy. A pain that was never going to leave. As him. As your family who was never going to leave your side.

-----------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!  

[milliesfishes]

millie i’m gonna need you to write something about the vasectomy i beg

⋆౨ৎSweet Nothings⋆౨ৎ

[fem reader] contains: pregnancy scare, sexual references pairing: alex nilsen x fem reader summary: you and alex have a scare that causes a big decision author’s note: first alex fic rahhhh! this is based on something that happened in the book but it's millie's version :) Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

You were late.

Not late in a fun way, like at parties or the last hours of the night. The thing that was late was a certain womanly bleeding between your legs, one you dreaded but needed at the same time. It was a smoke signal, a universal thumbs up that you wouldn't have to worry about a life changing thing for the next thirty days.

Fish curled around your legs as you stared at your calendar, pen shaking above the day marked in black with a single sad face, the day that passed over a week ago. It seemed to taunt you, and you longed for the innocence you'd had when you drew it. Alex used a physical calendar because he claimed he could remember things written there better than on his phone, and you'd adopted the habit as well when it was proven correct.

Your pen clattered to the tabletop as your hand flew to cover your mouth, the realization really hitting you then like a freight train. Your monthly was famously on time, and you always said that it was the only part of you that was. In the past year you'd adopted the habit of going to sleep with a pad in the night before it was set to come, to save several pairs of pajama bottoms.

This week, however, had been a blizzard of work, and there had been a small family crisis that hadn't warranted your flight home, but had kept you on the phone quite a bit, hanging onto text updates. You hadn't even thought about your period since the last one ended.

But now its absence was glaring at you, pointing a finger with a single dreadful word you didn't even dare think yet.

A shaky breath escaped you, and you buried your face in your hands, tears bubbling up and spilling from your eyes. This was all wrong, all so, so wrong. You and Alex had always been careful, or you thought you'd been. One thing you were in agreement on was that you didn't want kids. At least not right now.

It wasn't a money issue. Well, it wasn't not a money issue, but it was more that you wanted to be steady. Your jobs were both secure, lives locked down, love for each other confirmed, but you wanted to enjoy it all. To be young and in love and as stable as the two of you were was a rare thing. Alex had bought a house for goodness' sakes, his grandmother's, but an independent living space nonetheless.

Besides, you loved your life as it was now. To work at a job you enjoyed that made a more than decent living and come home every night to your cat and the love of your life all handsome and happy was everything you'd dreamt of.

And it was all about to be upset if your fears were proven correct. All because of a stupid, undetectable mistake you weren't even aware you were making.

The keys clinked against the doorknob, a telltale sign, and you stood abruptly, staring at the door as it swung open. Alex appeared in its line, the sun lighting his silhouette like a halo. He looked tired, but a smile appeared the second he saw you standing there. With one hand, he firmly shut the door, slipping his shoes off and starting to remove his jacket. Fish padded over to greet him, his black tail bent at the tip. Alex gave him a series of gentle pets before looking up at you with a boyish grin. "Hi baby."

You were frozen in place, new worries overtaking you. How would he react to this? Alex set his bag down and made his way over to you, sliding his arms around your waist and burying his nose in your hair. "How are you?"

"Fine." Your voice nearly broke, but you kept it together, hiding your face in his chest. He always smelled clean and fresh, like laundry, even after a long day dealing with hormonal teenagers. "How was your day?"

"Long." He kissed the top of your head. "Glad it's the weekend. Glad to be back here with you." Alex pulled back, but his smile dropped when he saw your face. Apparently it had fallen back into revealing the nature of your thoughts during its time in his chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" You forced your mouth to turn back up, but the way he was looking at you caused it to plummet right back to the depths. The tears you'd thought you swallowed stung your eyes again, and a pathetic little noise worked its way out of your mouth.

"Oh, baby-" Alex pulled you back in, and you began to sniffle, a little sob shaking your shoulders. He managed to lead you back over to your chair, where he sat and pulled you across his thighs. You hid your face in his chest still, humiliated by the fact that you hadn't been able to hide it for more than a few minutes after seeing him.

He rubbed your back, letting his lips fall to your forehead. There was a calm front that you knew would be disrupted the second you told him. Alex was steady and unmoving with your troubles, but this was different. "Did something happen?"

You sniffed, nodding and pulling back to look up at him, searching his eyes. "I...I..."

"Slow down, shh." Alex smoothed your hair behind your back. "Deep breaths, sweetheart. Don't work yourself up." His thumb found your cheek, stroking back and forth, effectively soothing you. "Whatever it is we can figure it out."

Taking a deep, unsteady breath, you searched his eyes, voice breaking every other word. "I'm...I'm...late."

"Late?" Alex frowned, confused, but then he noticed your calendar. The black sad face looming like a homing beacon. You swore he went pale. "Oh."

Squeezing your eyes shut, you bowed your head. "I'm so scared-"

Alex pulled you back in, cradling your head to his shoulder. He must have been hiding his own shock, as was his way. That was how he always was- comforting you first, composing himself.

When he pulled back, he was all soft words and gentle touches, tucking your hair behind your ears and drying every tear that dripped from your eyes. "Okay. Okay, here's what we're going to do." He was shockingly calm, ever your rock in the storm. "I'm gonna go to the drugstore and get a few tests. You're going to stay here-" Alex shifted you off his lap and stood, opening the fridge and pulling out a can of lime-flavored sparkling water, one of your favorites. "-and drink this. Okay?"

You nodded, taking the can from him after he popped it open. "Okay." The voice that passed your lips hardly sounded like your own, it was so tiny.

He kissed your forehead, holding his hand to your cheek for a second longer than maybe he usually would have. "I'll be back soon, alright? It's gonna be okay."

After he left, your mind was blank except for those four words.

It's gonna be okay.

Negative.

Every test you'd taken came back with one line. Alex had waited dutifully outside the bathroom while you relieved yourself on each stick, leaving them on a towel on the counter. He set the timer on his phone, and then the waiting game had been afoot.

He held you through it, rubbing your back and taking deep breaths that encouraged your own. All you could think to do was cling to him and pray.

When the timer had chimed, you felt like you were walking to your doom. Alex stood behind you, and you could feel him holding his breath.

The first thing you did when you saw the matching results on each test was turn around and cry into his chest. His hold on you was tight, and you felt every anxiety from before fly from your shoulders. It was okay. It was all okay.

No words passed between the two of you. Not about what had happened. Alex swept the tests into the trash can, tossing the towel into the laundry basket and asking if you'd be okay for a few more minutes while he went to get dinner. Everything was a haze as you nodded, and he left you bundled in a fluffy blanket on the couch, double-checking that you were okay before he left again.

You passed out, exhausted from the emotions that had been running rampant in your mind for the past little bit. It was an enormous jump from fear to relief, and your body was limply feeling the effects.

It hardly felt like five minutes had passed before you awoke to his fingers in your hair, gently stroking. You leaned into his touch, shifting your feet and feeling something warm and furry beside them. Fish.

Opening your eyes, you blinked sleepily at him, and he gave you a tired half smile. "Hey. You hungry?"

Sitting up, you yawned lightly, nodding as a response. Alex's hand found yours, twining your fingers together. "I got you a salad from that place you like. And a smoothie."

"Thank you." You leaned forward, pecking him on the lips. "That sounds wonderful."

"I'll bring it to you." He was standing up before you could protest, and then Fish crawled half onto your lap, rendering you immobile.

Once Alex returned, he let you settle into his side while you ate, balancing your salad on one thigh and his on the other. It was quiet, but you didn't mind at all, taking the time to reign in your thoughts.

Setting his and your empty bowls on the coffee table, Alex lifted both his feet onto the couch, parting his legs and reaching for you, as if he was reading your mind. You crawled into him, head against his chest, and he tugged the blanket over the two of you. Fish walked over your back, laying slouched between your side and the couch back, right on Alex's arm. He grunted, shifting so he could still hold you but accommodate the cat.

You rested your ear over his heart, the steadiness of its beat soothing your unsteadiness. Alex always managed to still whatever typhoons were raging within you.

He thumbed your hairline, and Fish started purring, vibrating against both of you. When he spoke, it was in a whisper. "Can we talk about it?"

Nodding, you lifted your head, disarmed by his expression like always. He was serious yet tender, unyielding but gentle. You whispered, "That was really scary."

"It was." Alex's hand on your lower back was drawing soft circles through the blanket. "You were so brave."

You shook your head. "No. You were strong and I was a mess. I..." you trailed off for a moment, the words fleeing your mouth before you could regulate them. "Taking the tests...it really made me realize that I'm not ready for that. I...it was terrifying."

"Yeah," he murmured, hand tracing parallel lines up your spine now. You could practically hear him thinking but couldn't deign to guess what he was about to say. Alex inhaled once through his nose. "What would you think if...if I got a vasectomy?"

Eyebrows shooting up, your eyes went as round as saucers. Fish's purring halted for a minute before starting up again. You shifted on his chest to look at him better. "A vasectomy?"

"I was thinking about it for the entirety of both car rides," he explained, petting your hair now. "To the drugstore and to get food. It's something I've considered before but I never really thought about it seriously until now."

You were still searching his eyes, perplexed as to why he'd jumped there of all places. Maybe later you would have suggested better protection, but never would you have asked this of him. It wouldn't even be something you'd have thought of on your own.

Alex cupped your cheek in his hand, and you leaned into it. His eyes didn't leave yours, making sure you were looking at him too. "Seeing you so worried...I never want you to feel that way again. And the procedure's reversable. We can do other things beforehand just in case it doesn't turn out to be. But..." he pursed his lips for a millisecond, letting out a breath. "If you ever take a pregnancy test again, I want you to be excited. Not scared."

Now your eyes were welling up again for an entirely different reason than earlier. You nodded, hand finding his on your face and squeezing. "Okay."

"Yeah?" Alex turned his hand around and brought yours to his lips. "You'll let me do this for you?"

"Yeah," you whispered, and he smiled, kissing your forehead and adjusting the blanket. Fish purred contently, rolling over onto his back, paws stretched out like he was reaching for the moon.

You kept your eyes open, content as could be. Alex lazily trailed his hand up and down your spine, and after a moment, he murmured, "We're going to save a fortune on condoms, baby."

A laugh passed your lips, and you hid your face in his chest, pressing your lips to his heart.

"I guess we will."

[gumnut-logic]

The Awards (Part 1)

This is @womble1 's fault :D Writing all that Sweetapple while I floundered around without a muse.

It's a new one. Not intended to be hugely long or anything, maybe two or three parts (since when have I had control of these things?) But it is Sweetapple and a scene requested by some of you who read the first Sweetapple Talk. So here you have it :D I hope it lives up to expectations.

This is m/m fic. If this isn't your thing, this isn't your fic. Alexander Sweetapple is an original character that was prompted by @flyboytracy , created by me, and then let loose in Thunderfam to evolve into who he is today through several different writers. I don't think Virgil minds, the two of them are a pair of lovey dovey goofballs and the majority of this series is them just being fluffy and goopy sweet :D Many thanks to all who have written, contributed and egged this series on, it wouldn't exist without you.

Many thanks to @onereyofstarlight for the read through this morning.

Anyway, bit of fic, first in ages.

I hope you enjoy.

-o-o-o-

“I still wish we could have flown in with the Tracys.”

His mother’s voice was wistful. It could have been interpreted as callous self-interest, but Alex knew better.

“Mum, Virgil apologised at least six times.”

She held up a hand. “I know, I know, and it’s not their fault.” She smiled softly. “I just know how much you were looking forward to this.”

He rolled his eyes as the city of Gisborne flashed past the car’s windows. The Tracys had sent them a chauffeured limousine, along with a security guard, currently staring at them cooly in the seat across from them.

She was an interesting choice. She appeared to have only half her hair and what was left was an assortment of colours enough to excite Erica. The tattoos and piercings…yeah, Iz and Erica would get on fine.

Yet again, he wished Erica was with him. But the venue was only so big and Alex’s mother was…his mother.

Erica and his sisters were watching the live stream apparently.

That didn’t make him nervous. No, not in the slightest.

There were going to be screenshots and clips galore in his future.

A touch to his cheek. “He’s going to be okay.”

Mum was looking up at him with a tenderness in her eyes.

“I know.”

Stupid volcano had to erupt today, didn’t it.

A sigh. The logic centre of his brain acknowledged that this was all part and parcel of dating a Thunderbird and that he would have to get used to it. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that Sumatra needed him more than Alex did.

Way to compete with the rest of the world for your boyfriend’s attention.

Boyfriend.

Despite everything, the whole concept, as always, brought a smile to his face.

Virgil would be here as soon as he could.

And Alex would love whatever parts of Virgil the world could share with him.

“I’m okay.” He shared his smile with his mum.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

The car drew to a stop in a line of vehicles in front of the War Memorial Theatre. The structure, like everything in Gisborne, was showing the remains of repairs. Most of the glass had been replaced, but there was a section still boarded up on one side. But unlike the rest of the city, this piece had been turned into an artwork. It showed an artistic rendering of Gisborne’s skyline, and amongst the buildings flew Thunderbirds.

There were no words on the piece, but it screamed pride and gratitude.

God, he wished Virgil was here.

The car moved forward into a crowd of people. Reporters babbled and holocams hovered as if it was the Academy Awards or something. Police stood solidly, manning the barricade keeping the press back.

Alex swallowed. They weren’t here for him. The Prime Minister was attending. And so was International Rescue.

He was only Virgil’s boyfriend.

He swallowed again.

Social media was still buzzing about the kiss. It had died down, a lot, but chances were that these people knew who he was.

Kayo had warned him of this possibility. This was why Iz was with them in the car. She was part of Kayo’s team and Alex had no doubt she knew how to do her job.

She was almost as scary as Kayo herself.

When the car finally stopped, Iz held up her hand. “I will exit first. You are to follow when I say so.”

Alex’s eyes were a little wide, but he nodded. Yes, ma’am.

His mum squeezed his arm.

The door opened and noise rushed in along with flashing cameras and the buzz of holocams. Iz climbed out of the car fluidly, six inch heels and clinging black dress, no hindrance.

A moment later, her hand signalled that they follow.

Alex ushered his mother out of the car. She may have stepped out less smoothly than the security guard, but no less elegantly. She looked amazing in her deep burgundy evening dress. His mum had gone all out for tonight, hair curled, dress purchased, she even dragged out the necklace his dad had bought her for their last wedding anniversary.

Dad would have loved to see her like this.

As if thought could make reality, a large hand appeared just outside the door, offering to help his mother from car.

Alex blinked.

Frowned.

And, as he followed his mother out, realised that the hand belonged to none other than the tall and domineering figure of Mr Jeff Tracy. Dressed in an elegant silver suit, he was smiling down at Alex’s mother, grey eyes twinkling.

Alex’s eyes widened as the cameras and reporters went absolutely nuts.

“Mr Tracy! Are you dating again?”

“How long have you been together?!”

“Ma’am, how long have you known Jeff?”

Alex straightened his tuxedo, still standing on the gutter.

Mr Tracy was addressing the crowd, a suave smile on his face and Alex’s mother’s hand on his arm.

Okay.

Kayo appeared beside them in a short, satin green evening dress, her eyes all business and, no doubt, her six inch heels just as deadly. She stood next to Mr Jeff Tracy. A glance in Alex’s direction came with a small smile before she turned back to the paparazzi.

Iz touched his arm. “C’mon, let’s go inside.”

“But mum-“

“The Chief’s got this.” She looped her arm in his. “C’mon.”

He was walked up the red carpet before he could protest further.

It was quieter inside the foyer, but that was a relative statement. The hall was large, but very full of people, all dressed to the nines.

Iz’s eyes were everywhere and she did not leave his side, navigating him through the crowd.

Alex glanced back towards the entrance, still worried about him mum.

Consequently, when the roar outside swelled beyond human capability and into rocket territory, he was able to catch sight of the silver body of Thunderbird One, lit up by holocam lights, as she touched down on the street outside.

The crowd swarmed back towards the entrance, taking Alex and Iz with it.

But the Thunderbird was only on the street for bare moments before launching up into the sky and disappearing, leaving chaos in its wake.

Beside him, Iz swore under her breath. “The Chief’s going to kill them for that.”

The spark of hope that went beyond the innate thrill of seeing the primary Thunderbird swelled in Alex’s chest…and burst into flame as Virgil Tracy, dressed head to toe in an immaculate black-tie tuxedo, hurried into the building.

His suit cut a beautiful line on his fit frame and Alex couldn’t help but stare, open mouthed, as his boyfriend caught sight of him and strode over. “Alex! I am so sorry.”

Alex was still staring.

“Alex?”

Now Virgil was closer, and fiddling with his suit as if it wasn’t sitting correctly, Alex could see that it had been put on in a hurry. Virgil’s hair lacked its usual perfection, attended to, yes, but obviously rushed, and there was a smear of dirt on his ear.

Alex reached up and gently smudged it off with his thumb.

Virgil was staring up at him and frowning, his eyes darted to Iz. “Everything okay?”

A small smile forced its way onto Alex’s lips. “Yeah.” And as he was want to do after every rescue, he drew Virgil in for a hug. A whisper into his ear. “Thank you for coming.”

“Sorry I was late.” Virgil pulled away, still frowning. “Did I miss anything?”

Like a switch was flipped, Alex relaxed. “Oh, only our parents escorting each other on the red carpet.”

“What?”

Of course, that statement demanded the culprits make an immediate appearance. Alex’s mum and Mr Jeff Tracy appeared out of the crowd. Her arm was still linked in his and Alex eyed it suspiciously.

He wasn’t the only one. Mr Scott Tracy, equally dressed in a suit, hair perfect as always, and standing beside his father, was eyeing him with a raised eyebrow.

Jeff played it innocent. “What?”

His mother giggled.

She giggled.

Like a teenage girl on a bus.

Oh, god.

Fortunately or not, that was the moment the crowd began moving into the theatre. Virgil had a suspicious smile on his face, but that smile soon turned towards Alex as he offered him his arm.

Alex took it and all the advantage of pulling his boyfriend in close as they filed into the theatre.

-o-o-o-

TBC

[madhatterbri]

The Hangman and The Last (Crooked) Outlaw | Hangman A.P.

Summary: Hangman gets his revenge on the Outlaw, formerly under Swerve's payroll. Wild West AU.

Starring: Hangman Adam Page, Prince Nana, Swerve Strickland, Jeff Jarrett, and the Dark Order

Trigger Warning: Gun shot, blood, violence

Author's Note: The ambush scene is inspired by the events that took place in Vaudeville theater in 1884.

Hangman Masterlist

AEW Masterlist

Taglist: @theworldofotps @new-zealand-chic @smallestsnarkestgirl @magicalbuttertarts

Pure Fiction

Hangman Adam Page groaned as he opened his eyes. A wooden ceiling was the first thing that came into view. The pounding in his head intensified as he woke up. He reached to his forehead. Thick red liquid coated his fingers. When he tried to sit up, he realized he couldn't.

The sound of boots in the distance caught his attention. The Hangman turned his head to the front door of the building. Pieces of a broken guitar blocked his view. One of the men kicked the pieces of the guitar with his foot.

"Look at him," the infamous outlaw Jeff Jarrett laughed. The corrupt sheriff tapped the bottom of his boot against the hangman's face. "Couldn't turn down a drink just like his father,"

"A temper tantrum after the next just like a petulant child," Swerve Strickland spoke. He lowered himself to the floor. While sitting on one knee, he grabbed Adam's bloody curls and pulled him up. "I'm pissed I have to let my business go, but I will rest easy knowing the line of Hangman will be no more,"

The voices felt so far away. Every now and then, Adam's vision blurred. He struggled to keep his eyes open.

Prince Nana walked from the back of the saloon. A bottle of alcohol in one hand, Swerve's right-hand man poured the whiskey on the wooden floor. Adam watched the faint glow of a lit match. The match was dropped on one of the floorboards covered in alcohol. A fire quickly started.

"Come on, boss," Prince Nana urged from the door. "We gotta get out of here before we are trapped with this stupid idiot,"

The Outlaws left the Hangman to die. As the smoke started to fill the saloon, Adam coughed. His lungs were now no longer breathing clean air. He gasped and clenched his throat. The lack of oxygen caused his vision to darken.

He heard a distant call for his name. Adam could no longer move, but the voice sounded familiar. Through the black spots, he could see Y/N standing above him. She dropped to her knees and placed his head on his lap.

"Stay with me, Adam," Y/N urged. She rubbed his cheeks before patting them. Each time his eyes rolled to the back of his head, she repeated the action. "Uno! He's in here! Help!"

A tall man with a mask that covered his head rushed inside the saloon. He reached down and lifted Hangman over his shoulder. They rushed out of the saloon before the building collapsed on them. John Silver and Alex Reynolds stood outside. A horse-drawn carriage waited to take the away.

Hangman sat inside the carriage. He watched as the flames engulfed the building. The saloon collapsed on itself. Adam closed his eyes and drifted to unconsciousness.

Four months. Four long months passed before the Hangman could get his hands on Swerve Strickland. When he was finally able to, he made him pay dearly. Anything that he could be used as a weapon, he used. In the end, Adam had his revenge. Swerve laid unconscious with Prince Nana providing aid. They were lucky that Hangman didn't set the building on fire. There was a new score to settle. He needed to get his hands on the Last Outlaw.

Jeff Jarrett was attending a play at the opera house alone. With his wife sick at home, he decided to attend the show early. Despite the general dislike for Jeff, he was a feared man in those parts. People smiled at him to his face, yet scowled at his back. His reputation as a gunman and wealth kept his enemies at bay. Except for one.

Hangman waited patiently in Jeff's theater box. As soon as the last outlaw came into view, Adam drew his gun. With a startled cry, Jeff reached for his gun. In his nervousness, he accidentally shot himself in the leg. The older man attempted to make an escape.

With his injured leg dragging behind him, he made it out to the street. The Hangman followed closely behind him. A sick look of satisfaction at the man's agony and fear. Jeff fell to the ground. He attempted to crawl away. Adam stood on his injured leg. Blood poured from the bullet hole and stained the ground below them. A howl of pain filled the night air.

A noose suddenly wrapped around the injured's neck. As it tightened, Jeff reached for the rope in order to breathe. Adam dropped to one knee. His mouth closed in on his ear.

"I am going to drag you to the pits of hell,"

[l00na24]

I Got Your Six - Chapter 6

Warnings: From this chapter onwards, there will only be a general warning to avoid spoilers! The story contains mature content and if you keep reading, you agree that you can handle it!

Word Count: 11.5k

A/N: We're back :D This time with a huuge one thanks to me not being able to keep the intro as short as I wanted and just couldn't cut the entire thing for reasons... you will probably see why 😅

Enjoy reading! 😋

29 Minutes later, 7:01 PM, Brazil

After I don’t know how many miles because I eventually stopped counting, we finally reached the place we agreed to meet. It seemed an eternity away with how long the drive still was until we were there, not helping my thinning patience at all.

I couldn’t remember the last time when I was so on edge than right now and I hadn’t even met them yet. Every nerve in my body was literally on fire and my stress level past every limit already, like we were on a mission completely gone out of control. For those who knew me absolutely no good conditions for a confrontation like this, especially with my past. But I covered it with the masquerade I had improved to perfection, to hide my rapidly diminishing confidence and all my previous accumulated anger turning into an even faster rising anxiety with each passing second. I wouldn’t let anyone see my weakness.

When our vehicle came to a slow stop, I wished we would have had at least still hours to drive instead of being here. Not making an effort to move when the three boys exited, I drew in shorter breaths and flinched slightly when I heard the car doors closing. My head coming up with something I thought I had buried a long time ago only to surface in the worst possible moment.

Loud shouts, motor sounds, car doors opening and closing with a bang from the force, the movements of a car…

Shit. I couldn’t get a panic attack right now. I’d get through this, whatever it took. It’s just a job like any other.

Lying to yourself won’t help you.

It was far from it.

Willing my breathing to even out a bit and shaking my head to get rid of these unnecessities, I opened my door and got out after I had unbuckled my seatbelt. The men of our team were patiently leaning against one side and the hood of the car, giving me the needed time until I was ready to make the first step.

As soon as they heard me leaving the last temporary safe space I’d get for tonight and shutting my only opportunity to escape, their eyes shifted to me. Ignoring the discomfort it caused, I tried to act totally unfazed by the very situation I had tried to run from for all these past years because I knew I couldn’t face it.

The truth was: I was scared shitless. How they would react, how they would look at me, what they would say, if they would do anything at all…

With an unusual hesitation I forced my feet step for step forward, fighting with all the strength I had left against the impulse to run away yet again, but with the significant difference it was amplified at least ten times more now than before. An unmistakable red flag of my body I was about to cross a line I shouldn’t, under no circumstances.

You can’t always run away. No one will come to help you, this is alone YOUR own fault.

It was an open secret that my boys could see right through the false facade I had put up and the smallest movements I made, from the uneven rise and fall of my chest to my fingers starting to nervously twitch and shake.

-

Sensing the waging battle the girl of their group was fighting with herself internally when she followed soundless behind them, Alex wanted nothing more than to put her out of this agony she carried with her for far too long. Hating to see the various indicators written all over her and being forced to helplessly watch how it continued to destroy what was left of her, if there even was still something. He had enough about pretending that everything was ‘okay’ when they could see it clearly wasn’t. Not this time and not now in this absurd situation they had been thrown in.

Normally he was the person instilling fear on his enemies but right now he felt it creeping up his spine and every thought went in circles around the most important question: What if this broke her for good? If she wouldn’t recover from this?

There was no way in hell he would let that happen, Alex owed it to his best friend he had known since childhood to protect his girl and be there for her. Maybe he wasn’t doing it entirely for him if he was honest but a little for himself too… but this wasn’t important right now.

The top priority was to shield her from the possible damage these five people could cause. And he’d do everything in his power to make sure of it. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt her even more than she already had been.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…” Our group halted when Alex turned around to me, gaining the attention of his brothers beside him and mine. The care on honest display, unfortunately for him, hit a nerve because I couldn’t stand it in my current state, not able to accept it.

“You can’t protect me from everything!” I blew up at him with a hateful glare before he had fully ended, the pressure I was under mixed with my anxiety getting the best of me and announcing itself in an uncontrolled outburst. Immediately regretting my reaction, I cast my sight downwards to avoid the result edged on his face. I didn’t intend to strike right the point I knew would hurt him the most but it was my natural defense mechanism kicking in.

“Sorry.”

They shouldn’t care about me at all and they shouldn’t hold onto me so much like they did, trying with everything they had to keep me off the ledge I was continuously seeking. They deserved everything but me. If I wasn’t here, they would probably live a happy life and their best friend would be still alive. I never wanted to drag them down with me in this hellhole but fate obviously had a different opinion, wanting to punish them for not giving me up and yet none of the boys did even consider it in the slightest. How could they be so foolish?

Sometimes these three were too smart for their own good, the cracks in my defense visible to them as if a light would make me stand out to call out my false play.

It took not more than a short exchange of their sights to have the same thought.

“Come ‘ere.” Mick spoke up and beckoned me with a hand gesture over to him, spreading his arms to the sides in the process.

Not sure what he aimed to accomplish with this, I stood there a little baffled while I contemplated what I should do and trying to gauge his intentions behind it. I was in no mood for any kind of empathy.

“You really wanna leave me hanging here?” He asked when I still hadn’t made a move, pulling up his best sad look and tilted his head with raised eyebrows in hopes it would convince me. He knew exactly what he did. Little shit.

There was nothing I hated more than to see them sad or hurt, especially if it was because of me and if he had gambled on that, his plan was working.

Reject him. Don’t. Give. In.

Letting out a huff, I came to him and put my arms hesitantly around his body. Laying the right side of my face carefully on his chest, assuming he offered himself for a hug.

“See? Isn’t that bad, is it?” Putting one hand on the back of my head to stroke it slowly and the other respectfully on the side of my waist with the utmost care to not place it too far backwards to keep the lines in which I allowed them to touch me.

I couldn’t deny his simple gesture was actually relaxing my nerves a little bit.

“So… we all know I’m not good with this emotional stuff but…-” Mick began after a moment, only to be cut off by Luc.

“Horrible is more accurate.” He corrected him with a smile directed toward me, making a little wink at the end.

“I’m trying to cheer her up, dude! Can you not butt in?” The man currently holding me to his large body retorted in a fake offended tone before he continued, focusing back on me.

“Where was I? Ah! Right, as I was saying… regardless what they say or do, it will not change anything between the four of us. You have my word, okay? Forever and always. Like we promised, little wolf.”

At the mention of the nickname my gaze shot up in lightning speed till it met his, my face blank. I could feel him tensing up a bit, probably because he wasn’t sure how I would take what he said and if he was overstepping a forbidden boundary.

I hadn’t been called this term in literal ages, but it was engraved in my brain for eternity. The very name he had used to tease and mock me in the beginning or when he made fun of me or… to express his affection between the lines.

Mick felt my hold tighten slightly and took it as a good sign, also since I hadn’t pushed him away from me yet, which was very likely to happen at any given moment depending on what he would do. The odds for it happening were even increased given the situation, so he had to navigate his every move very carefully if he wanted to avoid this scenario and ruin everything.

“Remember what he used to say? ‘The strength of the wolf is the pack.’ And we’ve been one ever since you came to us. That’s exactly what we gonna show them. We are all standing behind you on this and won’t leave your side.” It wasn’t a common occurrence of somebody making me speechless but right now Mick had managed to do exactly that. I had forgotten how good with words he actually could be if he wanted, reminding me not to underestimate his diplomacy skills similar to Luc’s.

But what was a pack without its true leader?

The ‘goofball’ out of the four, as she had so fittingly named him after his best and also worst trait, couldn’t watch her struggle any longer. If he could take the smallest amount of weight off her she carried, he would do it without a second thought and give her some air to breathe to keep her from drowning.

He had made it his personal mission straight from the start, but even more so after the tragic loss they had suffered - especially her, to preserve and keep that spark inside they had seen in her. Even if it was through the faintest hint of a smile, real or not, all effort put in was worth it regardless. And whatever he or his brothers had to do to stoke those flames their former leader had ignited in her, they would be there to keep them alive, 100%. They would keep her alive.

That’s why he was the self-proclaimed backbone of the team, with his ever positive and lively personality but also blunt directness. Always a cheeky comment on his lips to lift the mood of the situation and his teammates. He was the unmatched motivator out of them, despite his comical and non-serious, or what some people called annoying, appearance. The lightness he carried with himself a huge benefit for everyone when they needed it, as well as his seemingly unlimited energy that had been equal with their captain’s, after their girl had enhanced it in Vic.

“You know, you could at least pretend I’m doing a good job here.” Mick whispered lowly to me, attempting to convey his message inconspicuously, so nobody would notice but being caught red handed the second he opened his mouth, not acting suspicious at all of course.

“Feel the fear, let it be your friend and it will guide you. Don’t be afraid of it.”

It didn’t take long till I couldn’t tolerate his hug any longer, retreating myself from his embrace without a word when he got the hint and reluctantly withdrew his arms to give me space. The second person close to me I disappointed in a matter of seconds. I could make a world record with this.

“You’re right. Let’s show them that no one fucks with us.” I said when I had brought some distance between us and walked past him down the way leading to the bar. Letting them know I was done talking.

-

Mick blinked a few times in her direction, not quite sure if it was the reaction he had been aiming for. He had believed he had done everything right, had been careful enough, well, maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned the last part, but how fast the situation had taken a complete turn and his well-meant support ricochet back left him dumbfounded. He should have been used to it by now since it wasn’t the first occasion this happened, but none of them probably would ever get used to her unpredictable, fast-switching duality from one moment to the other.

“You only wanted to help, she knows that. It’s not on you.” Luc followed his friends’ gaze to the back of their girl with concern in his narrowed eyes. His sneaking suspicion, he had hoped would prove itself wrong, turning out to be true more and more. There would be nothing they could do to prevent the inevitable if it was what he thought, from his knowledge all the signs she had shown pointed to it so far. Her more frequent, sudden mood changes out of the blue, the tension and nervousness in her body language, her touchiness in general, as well as most importantly, she shared way more physical contact with them than she would under normal circumstances. And this fact alone was more than worrying.

-

“Let it fulfill you.”

It had been the most terrifying lesson a certain person taught me, but it gave me the needed courage to fight back my anxiety as best as I could for now. To use it as a weapon instead of being used by my fear.

I hadn’t been on an endless amount of battlefields, ran too many times into hails of bullets, put my life on the line for enough people that weren’t even worth it, had made friends with death more times than I could count, ended lives without giving a shit about them and the amount of blood I had on my hands and hadn’t done unspeakable things, only to be brought to my knees now by the very men of my old team.

Nobody in the entire world would ever get me to break the one holy oath I’d die for before desecrating it: I wouldn’t kneel for anyone. Only my enemies will.

Entering the area of what I presumed was an outside bar, the first thing I did was carefully assessing the place. Spotting not much besides a lit-up area on the right looking like a combination of a bar and a market stall with two people sitting at the back of the bar and the barkeeper standing behind the counter. Regals full of various bottles lining the wall behind him just as a multitude of vegetables and fruits on the ground on the opposite side. Whoever would buy these things in the middle of literal nowhere.

To my left the actual bar, built on a wooden construct and a stairway on the right with some fairy lights hanging from the edge of the roof to give this shady appearing place a more trustworthy look. Its height and a fence made of thin planks of wood allowing to overlook the whole area from each table.

And then a car parked in between. The same car we had seen not too long ago.

Its sight alone making my stomach churn and heighten my senses to full alert. Not wanting to give it any more attention than I had, I kept moving forward while making sure to stay close to the bar to avoid getting noticed just yet from above.

As if on queue when I had crossed over half of the way, loud laugher from multiple people suddenly filled the air that instantly stopped me when I jerked away from the sound of the familiar voices and stripped me of every false confidence I had managed to gather up. Feeling the anxiety skyrocketing but also shifting into a mix of fierce anger and hatred directed at myself because I couldn’t even do the simplest thing. I was so pathetic.

“Is this all you got? Do you give up that easily?”

“Stop being so mean to her, Vic. Can’t you see she’s trying her best?”

“Trying is not enough, we’re not in kindergarten here. Do it better!”

My nails dug themselves into my palms at the memory.

Movement in my periphery snapped me back into the present, registering Luc, Alex and Mick who had walked past and blocked my way with their bodies. It was so unnatural to see them this tense, especially about the awaiting situation, both their posture and faces didn’t have the usual relaxedness I was used to and it stressed me out even more.

They were ready for battle and wanted to make sure I was too with this silent conversation between us before they would allow me to continue. My very last chance to back out of all this.

As always, the first nod came from Mick, shortly followed by Alex and then Luc, giving me their affirmation that they were only waiting for my “Go”. It was like they had known I had exactly needed this to give me the drive to move on and spur the wolf to get ready to pounce.

With the encouragement through my team, I took the time to take in a long, deep breath to gather myself before I gave them my confirmation with a firm nod of my head and sharing a last sight with each other for assurance about our next step.

Our engineer decided to take the lead as ‘the first line of defense’, Luc taking the second position after checking me up and down with his scrutinizing gaze before he left Alex with me who was waiting until I got going too before he went ahead last.

I couldn’t thank them enough for not forcing me into another verbal conversation and instead choosing the option that conveyed so much more than any word ever could and taking a bit of the pressure from me to have to express myself.

Just when we had reached the stairway, I came to a halt and looked upwards.

You finally get what you wanted…

Please be with me. I need you, I can’t do this without you.

Accepting I couldn’t delay the confrontation I had wanted to avoid ever since any longer, I forced myself to tear my sight away even if every fiber in my body resisted doing it. The emptiness I continuously felt came crashing down like a tidal wave above me without mercy, pushing me back under far out of anyone’s reach to the place I just couldn’t get out of no matter what I did. The very place I had never wanted to be in again after I was shown how it was to touch the sky on the other side. Until I got pulled back under and buried at the bottom with no life left to fight for.

Three sympathetic smiles were directed at me when I looked to the stairs in front, noticing a hand stretching out to me in the same moment. First I wanted to refuse Alex’ gesture but thinking for a second about it, what a bitch I was earlier and what it meant that he was still showing how much he cared about me when he offered to be the anker I could ground myself on – knowing what it took for me to even make this step – I didn’t have it in me to deny him.

Without much protest I reciprocated his gesture, feeling the warmth of his skin seep into mine and giving me some safety. The smile on his face stretched a tad wider when he had my physical assurance I wouldn’t shut him out again and let him help, returning it with his own and brushing a few times over my hand. We are here. You are not going through this alone.

“Don’t jump at each other’s throats.” With a quiet but steady voice I gave them my permission to engage, steeling myself and shoving all emotions in the dark corner where they belonged.

A quiet snort escaped Mick’s lips, conjuring a grin about the irony of my words. There were only two ways this was gonna go, either war or peace. There was no in between.

And knowing my boys, they wouldn’t even let them anywhere near me - not that I wanted it anyway.

I could only hope for the best and that they could control their temper because I would fight tooth and nail for those three and protect them with my life no matter who I was up against.

If any of my ex-mates dared to pick a fight with them, they had to survive the feared wolf first and then things would get ugly very fast – for them.

Let’s not get started if they found any of my triggers…

Before my thoughts could come up with every possible scenario, I chose to distract myself with something way more important, to check I had everything covered I didn’t want them to see while we were slowly ascending the stairs step by agonizing step. Making sure my braided ponytail was hiding most of the unmistakable, angry red scar on the right side of my throat before everyone’s eyes and my two necklaces were concealed under my black shirt. Going lower till the waistband of my jeans in the same color to find my gun and knife in the places where I had put them, ready to use in case anything should happen.

The grip on each other’s hand hardened when we reached the end and entered the bar, sharing a tight squeeze while we walked one after another in a row. All my senses automatically zeroed in on this very moment, making it almost impossible to keep up the mantra I was telling myself over and over.

I can do this. I can do this… I can… do this… I-

I stayed as close to Alex as I physically could to hide myself behind him in hopes it would give me more time until they realized who I was.

The paralyzing fear I had tried to fight in vain before came stabbing me in the back harder than ever and turned my body against me. Feeling like someone was squeezing my throat so tight I could barely breathe. Every step forward being at least a hundred backwards for my strength and self-confidence which had been so laboriously built up. My muscles moving on their own despite the weight manifesting on my feet.

“FIGHT! FIGHT BACK!!”

“Vic, it’s ENOUGH!”

“You’re so pathetically weak…”

Not daring to take a look from behind his back, I kept facing away from the scene to not cave in now and show everyone present how weak I indeed really was.

The atmosphere shifted as soon as we had stepped foot into the place, the one before a storm was about to break lose any minute with us in the epicenter. The hot and cold signals my body was sending me together with the humid climate didn’t do me a favor at all, the sweat clinging to me grossing me out and I wondered why Alex hadn’t let go yet and didn’t seem to care about the stickiness of my hand.

Was he regretting being here? Was he rethinking his choice of agreeing to this? Was he already hating me for dragging them into things they didn’t have to do anything at all with? Would they leave me as soon as we were done here to deal with my past alone? Were they only still with me because they thought they owed it to their dead friend?

What was I doing here? I should have never suggested this mission. What did I thought it would do? I should have ignored this god damn letter. I wasn’t supposed to even be here. Why couldn’t I just go back??

“Y/N?”

The moment my very name shot through the silence like a bullet, the chaotic whirlwind of thoughts was gone and I instantly froze into place. Not making any movement and praying I was mostly hidden for them, so they would hopefully ignore me thinking they had mistaken me.

But luck – fate – wasn’t on my side as always.

Of course they wouldn’t give me more time.

I couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer. It was over.

As slowly as I could I moved around, the hold on me tightening while I revealed myself and shared a fleeting glance with Alex who had his eyes already on me from over his shoulder.

I had to do this now. I wouldn’t cave.

I couldn’t run away anymore.

My pulse accelerated with every passing second and the only thing I wanted was to disappear, desperately clinging to my anker.

It was never meant to happen like this. In fact, it was never meant to happen at all if I could have helped it.

Forced to face the five men from my past after so many years spent to run from them, I hesitantly looked in their direction and deeply regretted it when five sets of eyes found mine. Bringing back up everything again, first and foremost the day I had left them.

Ben, Will, Santiago, Frankie and Tom were also brought back to the fateful events leading to the loss of the most important part of their team at the sight of the person they had never expected to see ever again before their very eyes…

8 years ago…

5:09 AM, Central America, Nicaragua

Moving uncomfortably around on the chair he was sitting in, Ben woke slowly from his sleep, stretching his limbs and blinking a few times with his eyes. It wasn’t definitely the best idea to try to sleep on the piece of furniture that was too small for his large body.

Noticing the room was still dark, he guessed it was still night, maybe close to early morning.

Trying not to be too loud and wake the other person in the room with him, he tried to shift into a more comfortable position and ease his muscles up he could feel hurting already from laying in this awkward position for probably a few hours.

Ben’s eyes automatically went straight ahead to the bed in front of him, checking if their girl was sleeping soundly under the covers he draped over her before he took the first shift of watching her. That in case something happened or she had a nightmare, one of them was there to help. Just in case. They would make sure they would be there this time.

Still mostly asleep and wanting to close his eyes and turn around again to get a bit more sleep, he listened for anything that would indicate a nightmare or that she wasn’t okay but the room was silent and he also couldn’t make out any violent movement on the bed through his half closed eyes. He was nearly off to sleep again as a thought hit him like a lightning strike.

The bed was empty.

His blue eyes shot open wide and his body followed, nearly tumbling to the floor in the process from jumping abruptly out of his seat in his sleeping but now wide awake state.

The dirty blonde’s gaze shot to the bathroom next, spotting the door wide open and no light shining. Looking back at the bed and trying to figure out if he was dreaming or not.

“Honey?” he asked in his rough and raspy morning voice, waiting for any form of response that never came.

Faster than light he ran over to the switch next to the door and flipped it on. The whole room illuminating and confirming his fear that felt like someone had just poured a bucket of ice water over him. There was no way she was gone.

Frantically he searched the room for anything that belonged to her, like her baggage she brought with her the first day but came up emptyhanded. Nothing. Not a single thing.

Ben had never felt anything like he was feeling now. First the whole thing hours ago and now this? It couldn’t get any more worse, right?

His heart was pounding hard against his chest as he ripped open the door, not caring about anything but her right now and bounding out to the one next to it.

“Guys! Open the fucking door! Wake up!” He screamed loudly, waking the whole hotel in the process.

His knocking only stopped when the door opened and his brother Will was standing before him, not knowing what happened to have Ben this wound up in the early morning hours but already on high alert.

“What the fuck, dude? What’s going on?” Blue eyes already searching each other.

“She’s fucking gone, man!” His little brother was not even waiting a moment to respond.

The opening of another door not far away could be heard and another voice joined them.

“Can you tell me, what you think you’re doing? You’re waking the entire complex, Ben!” Tom’s annoyed voice sounded from the other side of them.

“I just woke up and wanted to check she was okay but she wasn’t there!” Ben explained, making wild gestures with his hands and arms.

“Let’s not discuss this out here, come in.” Will said quietly and gestured with his head to Tom and Frankie to come over in his and Santiago’s room, who followed his request and walked over.

“You better have a good reason for this, hermano.” Santiago warned, sitting on the front of the bed he was previously sleeping till he got so rudely awakened by the young man’s screaming voice.

“We need to go look for her. Something could have happened or what if someone-?” Ben started again but was halted by his brother.

“Calm down, okay? Maybe she has taken a walk or just needed some fresh air.” He suggested, going already over all possible options in his head.

“What is even happening?” Frankie, the only one of the group that still hadn’t really caught on at was happening asked, leaning against the table on the wall and folding his arms.

“Y/N’s gone! That’s what’s happening and all her stuff too!” Benny shouted back, nervously running a hand through his strands.

Frankie’s eyes grew wide at the reply.

“Her stuff too?” He asked, not believing what he was hearing.

“Yes! Like she was never there in the first place!” The dirty blonde said, shifting constantly around on his feet.

Well, a walk was off the table with that. Will grinded his teeth together hard. This was not good, it was far from good actually. The way things had developed in the past hours only increased the boiling inside him further. Not knowing what was going on, being kept in the dark and things happening that were so out of character for the girl they were serving with for years now. Nothing of all this was making sense.

“Okay, we get it. Let’s all not make any hasty assumptions here.” Will tried to reason and keep everyone from panicking.

Santiago shook his head and angrily spoke something while standing up and shuffling around, probably some curse in Spanish.

“What are you doing?” Frankie eyed his brother.

“Getting ready to look for her, pendejo. What else?” He replied back and unzipped his bag on the ground in the corner to get some clothes.

“Fucking finally!” Ben breathed out and was ready to go, not wanting to waste any more time than they already had. Too much in his opinion.

“You can’t just walk out there like this. We’re still on a fucking mission!” Their captain decided to join in on the conversation to remind them that their reason for being here was not a vacation but way more serious and they still needed to be careful even if they were leaving today, or so it was planned.

“He’s right. We don’t know where she is right now and we can’t just aimlessly walk around here. And we also have a flight to catch.” Will backed up Tom’s opinion on their plan, looking around the group.

“What do we do then? I ain’t fucking sitting around waiting if she comes back or not and I don’t give a shit about that flight, I’m not leaving without her!” His little brother was clearly done with talking, his decision what he’d do already written on his face.

“If she left, someone must have seen her. Let’s try asking around first and see if we can find out anything that will help, okay? She couldn’t have used the car because I still have the keys, so she could’ve only left by foot or a cab.” The other Spanish man in the room voiced his thoughts to the group, trying to intervene before it escalated into a more heated argument.

Everyone looked at each other for a moment, exchanging looks before Tom nodded and straightened his position.

“Alright. Let’s get ready and meet downstairs in 10 minutes.” He confirmed with one more look around them before starting to move toward the door with Frankie and Ben in tow.

Not needing the full 10 minutes to get ready, the group met 5 minutes later in the lobby of the hotel.

“So what’s the plan now?” The younger Miller wanted to know, already scanning the environment around them in search of their missing girl.

“We split up and try to ask around. Stay in the building, we’ll meet back here in 20.” Tom explained and everyone nodded as confirmation before they began to split, each one taking a different direction to begin their search.

The Minutes passing by and still no success for each of them, Ben stormed annoyed past the lobby a second time. Huffing from the frustration that grew bigger by the second. They needed to find her. Right fucking now.

“Excuse me? Are you looking for something?” He heard a voice from behind.

Halting his steps, he turned around.

“Yes! Have you seen the girl that was with us when we checked in?” He immediately answered. Registering the female receptionist not far from him now, that was also there when they checked in the first day.

“Yes, of course I did. She paid and checked out already 4 hours ago. Said that someone would still be in her room that was supposed to check out today.” The young brown-haired woman answered politely, offering him a slight smile.

“She- What?!” Ben felt like his legs would give out underneath him at the revelation he just heard and all color left his face.

“Do- do you know where she went?” He choked out, trying to get as much information as he possibly could.

“She took one of the cabs outside but I don’t know where she wanted to go. Probably the airport with the baggage she had with her if you ask me. But that’s all I can give you, I’m sorry.” She elaborated and gave him an apologetic look. Sensing that there was probably a not so nice reason for her leave alone but not wanting to interfere with their privacy.

“That’s enough already, thank you so much!” He thanked the receptionist, turning around and walking a few steps back, tapping his feet impatiently while waiting for the boys.

A few minutes later, the rest of the group turned up at the lobby again where Benny was already burning holes in the floor with his shoes, finally stopping when his brothers came into view.

“She checked out 4 hours ago!” He told them before any of them could ask something.

Not expecting something like this all of them needed a second to process what they just heard. They felt like someone had punched them in the gut.

“Checked out?” Frankie repeated in complete disbelieve.

“Yeah, the receptionist there told me that she paid for the room already too and that she took a cab. Probably to the airport or somethin’.”

“She’d never go alone on a fuckin’ plane, man.” Santiago joined their conversation. Not believing their female teammate would go voluntarily near anything like that because of her anxiety.

“Where else would she go with all her stuff? Another hotel?” The younger Miller shot back.

“You said she took a cab, let’s go and ask the drivers then. I saw some standing outside.” Will said, already turning around to go outside and ask there.

Without protest the others followed hot on his heels, marching out with quick steps and looking for the cabs that waited outside the entrance of the building.

Starting with the first to their left, they moved down the line as a group, asking each driver if they had driven a woman from the hotel somewhere in the last few hours.

Ready to nearly give up, they came to the last one in line. Stopping and repeating their questions for the fifth time now in a matter of minutes, not really believing this one would turn out any different than the others.

“Let me think… hm, yes. I did, actually.” The driver, an older man answered, leaned next to his car.

“Where did you drive her?” Ben wasn’t sure if he should be happy or not, that they at least had a lead where she was now.

“She’s your girl?” The man eyed him questioningly, not sure if he could trust the men in front of him, considering the woman they were looking for seemed to have left them without their knowledge. Normally a clear sign to what this could be leading to.

“Yes, she is.” He answered without hesitation, not needing to think over what he was saying. For him she was and always would be his. No question. She always had been and he wouldn’t let anything change that. Even if he’d never admit it.

Catching the other guys a little bit by surprise upon his answer, they tried to compose their faces, so the man couldn’t see their reactions. All of them knew how Ben was feeling about the only girl in their team, there was enough history between them to tell what was going on. But hearing him saying it out loud, even in a different context, still caught them a little off guard.

“I really hope for you, that you and your friends didn’t do something to her. Otherwise I have to call the police.” The driver threatened them, narrowing his eyes at the group.

“We’d never, I swear! She’s important to all of us and we just wanna know where she went, so we can go and look for her.” Ben answered honestly and looked the man in the eyes with a seriousness you only see when he was in mission mode.

“You’d better. I took her to the airport, looked a bit off and wasn’t really paying much attention, being quiet the whole drive.” He finally told them, adding the little details he had noticed.

The boys exchanged worried and confused looks at that, giving them pause for a moment.

“Thank you, sir. You really helped us a lot!” The younger Miller thanked him and walked back in the hotel followed by the others, making a straight beeline to the elevator.

“Any ideas?” Santiago asked while pressing the button of their floor.

“Our flight’s supposed to be in 5 hours.” Will informed, always the one in the group to rely on when it came to numbers. Her time missing making his stomach turn more with each second he counted passing by.

“Fuck that, we’re going to the airport now!” Ben huffed, slamming his fist against the wall of the elevator in frustration.

“She’ll be alright, okay? It won’t help if we’re loosing it.” Frankie jumped in, patting his friends’ back reassuringly a few times.

“Fish’s right. We’ll get our things packed up and go to the airport. But there won’t be a guarantee that we’ll get another flight.” The older Miller brother confirmed while stepping out and walking to their rooms.

“We meet at the car in 10.” They heard Tom’s voice in the distance while everyone spread out to their respective rooms, packing up everything in record time.

Before Benny could enter the empty room he carelessly left behind an hour ago, he was stopped by his brother.

“Y/N’s gonna be alright. Whatever is going on with her, we’ll find it out, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine, Ben. There will be an explanation to all of this.” Will came closer and brought him in a tight brotherly hug, holding his little brother to him. Trying to sooth his strained nerves and allowing him to finally break down and let out everything he desperately tried to hold back.

Feeling Benny slowly pulling back, he looked at him intently, not once breaking eye contact.

“Can you help Fish load the car while I get everything sorted with our checkout?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll see you downstairs in a few.” Will gave him a slight smile and a last pat on the back before walking off to his room.

After everything was taken care of and their luggage packed in the car in an amount of mere minutes, they were off to the airport.

Under normal circumstances Frankie would drive safely, but their situation was far from anything close to it and he drove a bit faster than he should and “missed” a few stop signs along the way till they stopped after a 10 minute drive in the large parking lot of their destination.

Each of the Delta soldiers was practically jumping out of the car when they were parked, grabbing their things and speeding off, minus Tom, who’s mood had soured over the course of their not planned way back to base.

“She’ll better have a very damn good excuse for this.” He grumbled annoyed while they were on the way through the building, but the rest decided to ignore his comment. There were more important things to be concerned of right now than his pissed-off mood.

“I’m gonna go over to the counter and see if I can rebook our flight to an earlier one. Maybe someone has seen her too.” Will announced shortly after they stopped in front of a few seats.

“I’ll come with you.” His little brother said and was right beside him in an instant, needing some closeness to him right now to keep him grounded.

Already knowing what was going on, the older blonde accepted his silent request without any protest and gave him a quick nod before walking off together to the ticket counter.

“Hello, how can I help you?” A red-haired woman in probably her 30’s greeted them with a smile.

“Hello, excuse me but we’re looking for a woman that probably booked a flight here to North Carolina a few hours ago. Have you seen anyone maybe?” Will greeted her.

“Wait, I have a photo of her.” Benny added and took it out of the pocket of his blue shirt, showing it to her.

It was a group photo, made when they were back at base after their first mission together, all of them exhausted but happy and smiling. The boys were standing in a line, arms over each other’s shoulders with their girl in front of them, having the brightest smile on her face they’d ever seen toward the camera. The colonel had taken it for them, being very proud of his best team he had in Delta Force. He had given all of them a copy of it after. Everyone knew from that moment on that they would be a team forever. Ben would never forget that day, would never forget that smile she had back then. The need he felt there to always make her smile like that again.

The woman behind the counter looked at it for a few seconds until she gave it back to him.

“Yes, she wanted the earliest flight when she arrived here.” She answered, remembering her from before.

The Miller brothers shared an alarmed look. She really must have taken a plane on her own, besides her really bad fear of heights.

“Thank you really much for the information ma’am.” Benny thanked her after breaking eye contact and looking back at her with a slight smile.

“No problem. Is there something else I can help you with?” The woman wanted to know and looked at them questioningly.

“Yes, we have a flight that was booked for later. Would it be possible to rebook it to an earlier one?” Will asked and handed her the tickets and his passport to confirm his identity.

“Let me see… yes, the last free possible flight will be in an hour. Will that be okay with you?” The woman said while looking at her computer, typing away and back up when she found something.

“That would be nice, we take it.” Will answered, letting out a breath of relief. Thank god, they didn’t have to wait for hours here or otherwise we wasn’t sure if he could stay calm any longer. He was close to the line he not wanted to cross and didn’t want to risk overstepping it. He needed to stay strong for Benny and the rest of his brothers, be the rock they needed right now, even if it wasn’t easy despite his own worries for their girl and the anger against himself for letting something happen like that. He’d make sure they got on that plane and do everything he needed till they knew she was okay and she was safe. Till he could hold her in his arms again and apologize for what they had done.

“Here you go, just look out for the announcement. The gate is down the hallway and then to your left. Have a safe flight and a good day.” She smiled and handed him the new tickets and the passport.

“Thank you for everything. Have a good day too.” He said goodbye, giving her a fake smile.

“Do you really think she would go on a plane without us?” Ben asked unsure out of nowhere, looking at Will with stormy blue eyes, that grew darker by the second like his brother’s.

The older man wished he would know the answer himself but every information they had gathered so far was pointing toward it. There was no other possible option in this moment. Why did she come here asking for the earliest flight she could get then? It wouldn’t make sense if she went somewhere else and the woman on the counter would have probably told them if she left without taking her new-booked flight. But she’d never go on a plane without at least one of them, hell it was even a thing on its own to even get her to go into it. And now she should have done that alone all of a sudden? Out of nowhere, like it wasn’t bothering her in the slightest and her anxiety didn’t exist? Will’s head started to hurt from all the overthinking he wasn’t able to stop.

“I don’t know, bro. The only thing I can say is, that everything looks like it.” He answered his brother’s question after a short silence with a sigh.

“How did it go?” Frankie greeted them and searched both of their faces for answers.

“Our flight’s in an hour.” Will answered and handed out the tickets.

“Anyone seen her?” Santiago followed with his question, hoping they’d get more information.

“The woman on the counter said Y/N wanted the earliest flight when she arrived here.” Ben explained trying to temper his mood, lifting his backwards cap to run a hand through his hair and putting it down again.

All of their movements halted and their eyebrows rose comically high on their foreheads.

“Imposible. (Impossible.)” Frankie grunted out in Spanish, not able to hold in his disbelieve any longer at the thought. Turning around with a shaking head while walking a few steps and crossing his arms over his chest.

What made her do that? What was going on with her that she would do something like that? It was so unlike her and in this moment, they felt like they didn’t even know her.

“So, what you wanna tell us is, that she went on a plane all by herself with her anxiety? The same girl that needs at least an hour till we can convince her to get into a fucking thing like that? That would rather walk by foot instead of flying?” The other Spanish man in the group spoke up to voice his thoughts about their newly found out information. Sharing the same feeling with the pilot.

“Look man, I don’t know what the fuck is going on but that is the only thing we’ve got right now and you’re not the only one who thinks how fucked up all this is. All of us know she’d rather die than go near anything that can fly but what if she really did it? There’s no other option what she could have done, otherwise that woman would have told us if she didn’t take her flight.” Will countered with slight agitation in his voice.

“All we can do now is wait anyway.” The captain of the group added and leaned back in his seat.

Not wanting to fuel the tension, the rest of the boys decided to follow Tom’s example and take a seat and wait till their flight would be announced. They’d have 6 long hours ahead of them where they could do nothing but wait and maybe try to get some more sleep.

8 PM, North Carolina, Fort Bragg

When they arrived back at the familiar soil of the Delta Force base 6 hours later, they didn’t know what bomb would be waiting there for them, ready to leave a devastation in its wake none of them could have been prepared for.

“Look who finally decided to join us!” Deryll piped up smiling upon seeing the missing Delta soldiers returning, still on the security shift with his best friend Marc.

“Did they jail your asses in that airport?” Marc joined his friend, greeting the boys laughing and giving them a wave with his hand.

Quick hugs among the men were exchanged, giving each other a pat on the back.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Ben asked afterwards, not knowing what they meant.

“We were worried we had to take care of your girl now.” Mark continued with a wide grin on his face.

The group of five exchanged confused looks for a moment. Knowing they were clearly missing something here.

“You better watch your mouth, hermano.” Santiago threatened him with a serious gaze.

“So you’re letting her fly on her own now, hm?” Deryll threw in while also grinning at his friend across.

“What is this all about?” Tom asked, having enough of being kept out of whatever this was.

“You’re joking right?” Marc said, still amused over the reaction of the men in front of them, not believing their seriousness.

Another round of looks among the boys was exchanged.

“No, we’re not. So would you mind telling us what’s going on here?” Ben spoke up, making his point clear that he wasn’t joking.

That took the two security men by surprise. Sharing a weird look with each other.

“Y/N said there was an issue with your flight, so she took the earlier one when she turned up alone here a few hours ago and we asked her about you.” Deryll explained, his smile slowly fading.

“An issue with our flight?!” Will repeated, making sure he heard correctly.

“Yeah, why?” Marc confirmed it almost in an instant, getting serious now too upon their reactions.

“Where is she?” The younger Miller brother butted in, his voice growing more desperate and serious.

“Calm down man, she’s somewhere in there.” Deryll told him, making a motion with his head toward the entrance of the base.

“Was talking and joking around with us when she arrived here, so no need to worry, dude.” Marc added to his friend’s comment, hoping it would ease up the sudden tension.

“This just gets better and better.” Tom commented sarcastically, shaking his head heavily and running a hand over his face.

“I don’t know what you’re on about but get your asses in there and look for yourself if you don’t believe us. We’ll see you later.” Marc said, crossing his arms now and opening the door for them.

“Yeah, shouldn’t keep your girl waiting!” Deryll shouted after them as loud as possible with a laugh after they walked through the entrance.

“The fuck was that?” Frankie asked confused as they walked through the base toward their bunks.

“Don’t have a fucking clue.” Will replied, shaking his head at him and shouldering his luggage a bit higher on his shoulder.

“Whatever it was, I don’t like it.” Benny commented quietly and mostly more to himself, clenching his jaw.

“We should probably teach them a lesson next time if we get a chance.” Santiago added, letting his sight wander around the base.

“There’s time for that after we reported back to the colonel. Drop off your stuff and meet at the colonel’s office.” Tom ordered and broke off to his bunk when they reached them.

“Yes, sir.” All of them said in unison before splitting and going to their own.

A few minutes later, the boys met in front of the building the colonel was in.

“Let’s get this over with.” Tom sighed and walked in first, followed by Will, Santiago, Ben and Frankie.

The group stopped again at his office, waiting patiently while Tom knocked a few times at the door.

Being beckoned in with a “Come in!”, they all entered and shut the door behind them.

“They finally let you go, hm?” They got greeted by Colonel Sanders, standing up from his chair and nodding at them. Motioning for them to take a seat if someone wanted but all declined his offer, making themselves comfortable while standing next to each other.

“I’m sorry?” Tom asked, surprised by his greeting.

“I heard about your ‘flight issues’.” The colonel elaborated, closely observing his boys.

Their once blank faces changed slightly at that and of course Sanders noticed it right away. There was something wrong, just like he had supposed before.

Standing there in silence for a very long moment, he decided to continue.

“I guess by your reactions that there weren’t any, right?”

The Delta soldiers didn’t quite know how to respond, not knowing themselves what this was all about.

“No, sir?” Ben decided to speak up but actually cringing at how it sounded.

“I thought so. You’re here to report back then?” The colonel answered, walking away a few steps from his desk, his gaze still fixated on them.

“Yes, sir.” Will confirmed, giving him a nod.

“Is there anything you wanna tell me first?” Sanders carefully asked, straightening his position and eyeing them more intently than before.

The boys’ faces immediately fell when they thought back to what they had witnessed in the smuggler’s hideout.

“There was a little ‘incident’ when we cleared the hideout of the smugglers.” Tom answered, trying to not make a big deal out of it.

“A ‘little incident’?!” Ben shouted out angrily and glared at their captain, not believing how he could downplay so easily what they actually had seen.

Colonel Sanders heard enough to know it must have been something really serious, for Ben and the others to act like this.

“Y/N didn’t tell me anything when I asked her. So I wanna know from you what’s going on.”

“Where is she?” The younger Miller asked with worry in his voice, ignoring the comment from the colonel and only thinking about their girl in this moment.

“None of you is leaving this office before someone has told me what the fuck happened on your mission!” Sander’s voice grew louder, making it clear how serious this conversation was and catching the guys off guard by the tone of his voice.

“We… don’t really know.” Frankie answered after a moment, looking to the ground with a guilty expression on his face.

“You don’t know?!” The colonel repeated, not knowing what he should think about it.

“We had cleared the building up to the 6th floor and were checking the 7th. Everything looked clear, we even checked it twice each but then she told us to hold our position because she thought it was not clear. We were convinced that the floor was safe too after checking it multiple times and decided to move on despite her warning and not responding through her com anymore. We got to the last floor without any problems or encounters on the way. There were just a few more guys and our target on the last one that we took care of. After making sure we were done, we headed back down where we were coming from and then… we found her on the floor below.” Will explained cautiously, fully knowing what the colonel’s reaction would be.

“Found her?” Sanders calmly asked, hating where this was going.

“She… was just laying there… with all those bodies and the blood around the floor.” Ben tried to get out, the same feeling he had back there, creeping up his body and making him sick to his stomach again.

The older gray-haired man in the room tried to keep his composure upon hearing the revelation, going back to his chair and needing to sit down for a moment.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He trusted his boys with his life, they were his best team for a reason. How could they let something like this happen?

“When we got to her, we immediately checked if she was alive and if she had any serious injuries but we found nothing. She only had an anxiety attack and a complete breakdown right after but besides that, she physically was fine somehow. Only a slight scratch on her throat. She slept through the whole drive back to the hotel, where we took care of her gear and cleaned her up a bit since she and her clothes were completely soaked in blood. After, we decided that each of us would take turns to watch her till the next morning to make sure she was okay. Ben woke us a few hours later in the middle of the night, saying that she was gone. That’s all we knew until we tried to find her. We decided to ask around for her in the hotel first and the receptionist informed us that she had paid and checked out already hours ago and took a cab. So we asked some of the drivers outside if they had seen her and one of them said that he took her to the airport, so we went there next after we got everything sorted. My brother and I went to the ticket counter to try and ask for her, which turned out positive. The woman explained that she had been there, wanting the earliest flight when she arrived. That’s everything until we landed and went straight back here.” The older Miller continued his report, making sure to tell everything he knew and lowering his head with an almost pained look.

Now her behavior made at least a little bit more sense but still didn’t explain why she not wanted to be with them anymore.

Colonel Sanders let out a heavy sigh, folding his hands in front of him, trying to think about the best way to tell his boys what their girl had requested from him.

A deathly silence settled over the office until he decided to speak.

“I… have to tell you something.” His gruff voice already a bad omen, sounding like he was about to tell them about her death.

The rest of the men in the room all immediately picked up on the sudden change in his voice, not being used to that kind of tone but already feeling fear creeping up their spines. Not able to say something.

Sanders looked around at each of them before continuing. Making himself ready to drop the already ticking bomb over their heads to explode.

“She requested… to be moved to another team. Immediately.”

Right as the last word had left him, Benny nearly lost it completely. Clearly not expecting anything like this.

“What?!” It was the only word he was able to choke out before he felt his legs nearly giving out under him. He felt like someone had forcefully ripped his heart right out of his chest and left him to die.

His brothers didn’t take it in any different, the ground having been pulled away from right under their feet quite literally. Each of them taking in a sharp breath and needing some support from the wall behind them to keep them upright on their feet. Frankie and Santiago grabbing their caps and lowering them slowly from their heads in front of their bodies.

“This… is all just a bad joke from you and her to get back at us for what happened, right?” Ben tried to convince himself, denying this could be actually true. There was no way in hell that she actually had meant what she said.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” The colonel asked him, his expression unchanged and the same seriousness in his voice than before.

“No…. no, no, no, no, no! That’s- that can’t be…” The devastation was crystal clear in Benny’s voice. His mind completely blanked. He didn’t know what to do with what he had been told a few seconds ago.

All of their faces had turned deathly pale, completely drained from their color in a matter of a second. None of them knew what to say, what to do with that information. They just felt like someone had shot them straight in the head. Never once had any of them even thought about the one impossible thing happening.

“Why?!” The younger Miller screamed and sank on his knees to the floor with tears in his once bright blue eyes that were now swallowed whole by the same darkness that crept up inside of him in that very moment.

“Did… she say anything?” Will didn’t know how he managed to get any words out right now but somehow, they left his mouth without fully registering it.

Colonel Sanders left another heavy sigh and hung his head, knowing full well how his Delta boys must be feeling right now.

“I can’t tell you anything more than this. I’m sorry.” He apologized, hating to have to keep the promise he had given their girl.

“This must all be a mistake! This can’t… be…!” Ben continued sobbing, not being able to hold in his emotions any longer and starting to hit the ground with his right fist he had curled so tight, he could feel the nails digging in his palm and drawing blood.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I didn’t have to tell you this.” Sanders apologized again, not knowing himself what he could do to be there for them.

“Where…? Where… is she?” Having released some of his anger, Ben looked up at the colonel, tears still running down his cheeks.

“I don’t think this is a good idea right now.” The colonel sighed, knowing they probably all wanted to see her but it wouldn’t lead to something good until they at least had cooled off.

“I don’t fucking care! I wanna see her right fucking now!” Benny screamed again, raising suddenly with lightspeed to his full height with his completely shaking body.

Before he did anything he’d regret later, Will was by his side and tried to hold him back and appease him.

“Ben. You need to calm down.”

“No! How can you even stay so fucking calm after this?! Do you even fuckin’ care at all about her?!” His little brother knew fully well that he was crossing a line with this that he shouldn’t but his emotions were all over the place and he couldn’t think straight.

It was the last thread that Will had been hanging on the entire trip back. He couldn’t restrain himself any longer and finally snapped too thanks to his little brother accusing him of not caring for their girl, that was way too precious to him as well.

“You really think, I don’t fucking care about her too?!” He wasn’t able to control his rage anymore, that had been building up gradually more and more inside of him in the last minutes.

Santiago, Frankie and Tom snapped out of their paralyzed state when both of the Miller brothers were about to charge at each other. The look in their eyes one, that promised nothing but death and destruction. But before anything could happen, they intervened. Frankie grabbing and holding back Ben with all his strength and Santiago did his best together with Tom to keep Will separated from his brother.

“You gotta stop, hermano. It’ll be okay. It’ll be fine.” The pilot reasoned with him, looking him dead in the eyes.

“Stop! It won’t help if you jump at each other’s throats! You know that!” Santiago on the other side tried to get through to his friend, knowing he was the more reasonable one of the two right now.

“Enough!” Before anything more could happen, the colonel raised his voice loudly enough to get the attention of all.

“You can be thankful that this has no consequences because of her! Y/N defended all of your stubborn asses with her life when I asked her about what had happened! She even said that it wasn’t your fault!”

His statement felt like another heavy punch in the gut for the boys. Coming back to their senses again, Ben and Will looked guilty to the ground and stopped fighting against the hold of their friends that loosened their grip on them when they felt them relaxing.

None of them dared to say another word, feeling like absolute shit. So the older gray-haired man took it upon himself to continue and try to soothe them at least a little with his words, even if it wouldn’t help the deep gaping wound each of them now had inside.

“Do you think it was an easy decision for me? You think I don’t know how you feel right now too? I tried to convince Y/N to think about her decision at least for a day but she insisted and I can’t deny her that. But we all know that this girl would go through hell and back for you. She’d do anything for her possible to save your asses from whatever mess you drag yourself into. So please try to accept her decision and give her some space and time to think about it. I know it’s a lot right now but you can’t change anything about it in this moment. Go to your bunks and get some rest after all you’ve been through in the last hours. Give yourself some time to process everything and try to stay away from her for the time being. I will keep an eye on Y/N until she decides that she wants you back, you have my promise.”

The boys knew he was right, rationally. But emotionally this whole ordeal was a completely different thing. Especially for Ben, not being able to be with her, hear her voice he loved so much and could listen to from day to night and her laugh that would make his entire day when he heard it, feel and touch her soft skin on his and assured him that she was there with him, to see her smile and knowing it was because of him. All of it had been violently ripped away in a matter of seconds. He never wanted to be a second without her, always wanted to have her by his side and being reminded that someone cared about him, that she was happy and safe. Ben didn’t know if he was able to live without her, how he was supposed to continue from this.

The colonel stood up from his seat and rounded the table to give each of them a long hug, letting them know they weren’t alone in this.

“I’ll see you back here in the morning.” He said and walked back behind his table, watching them as they slowly made their way out with hanging and defeated postures. None of them capable of more than a nod as goodbye.

They went back to their bunks and waited…

…for 8 long years.

A/N: The flashback part had been sitting in my drafts for ages ever since I wrote it along the first chapter of this fic because I wasn't sure when it would fit nicely into the story or if I even wanted to incorporate it at all. But I'm excited to share it with you now and hope it was a good choice to place it here and shed some light to what actually happened from the boys' side of things! 🥰

Buckle up because we are about to go down the rabbit hole! 😎

If you enjoyed feel free to reblog, like and comment! 🥰

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[justagirlthatlovedtoread]

Burning touch

Jonah’s cozy living room was bathed in the soft glow of fairy lights, casting a warm ambiance over the mismatched furniture. The six friends—three guys and three girls—gathered there every Friday night, their laughter and camaraderie filling the air.

Y/n sat cross-legged on the floor, her back leaning against Jonah’s legs. She was the quiet one, the girl with the doe-like eyes that held kindness. Her long brown hair cascaded over her shoulders, and she wore an oversized sweater that swallowed her petite frame. Jonah, tall and ruggedly handsome, had always been her protector. His blue eyes held a depth that intrigued her, and his touch ignited a fire within her that she couldn’t explain.

As the movie played on the screen, Jonah’s fingers traced delicate patterns on y/n’s stomach. His touch was both comforting and electrifying, and she fought to keep her breathing steady. His chin rested on her shoulder, and she could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. The room faded away, leaving only the two of them in this intimate bubble.

Y/n stole a glance at the others. Emily and Liam were engrossed in the film, oblivious to the charged atmosphere between her and Jonah. Across the room, Maya and Alex whispered conspiratorially, their heads close together. But it was Jonah who held her attention—the way his thumb brushed against her ribcage, the way his heartbeat seemed to synchronize with hers.

She knew he felt it too, but y/n was so shy around him, and too scared to lose her favourite person, so she kept her feelings guarded, and ignored the longing that simmered beneath their friendship. They’d known each other for years, shared passions, dreams and trust, but this was different. Jonah’s touch spoke of desire, of a hunger that threatened to consume them both.

Y/n shifted, her pulse racing. Should she pull away? Or surrender to the ache that coiled low in her belly? Jonah’s hand slid higher, and she bit her lip to stifle a gasp. The movie played on, its soundtrack a backdrop to her silent confession. Y/N leaned back into Jonah’s touch, her heart pounding. Maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning of a love story—one that defied friendship, blurred boundaries, and dared to explore what lay between the lines.

Jonah, too, was navigating the delicate line between friendship and something more profound. His protective instincts towards Ariana had always been strong, but lately, they had evolved into something deeper, more intense. He cherished their moments together, the way her laughter brightened his day, the softness in her eyes when she looked at him. Tonight, however, there was a palpable shift—a magnetic pull that neither could ignore. His fingers moved with a purpose, silently communicating a desire he had long kept hidden. The movie’s dialogue faded into the background, drowned out by the rhythmic cadence of their synchronized heartbeats.

Jonah had always been the dependable one—the guy who fixed broken things, both literal and metaphorical. His friends relied on him, and he revelled in that role. But y/n was different. She wasn’t just a friend; she was the quiet heartbeat at the centre of his world.

When he touched her, it was like touching a live wire. Her skin held secrets—soft and fragile, yet resilient. He’d memorized every freckle on her arms, every curve of her spine. And when she leaned back against him during movie nights, he fought the urge to pull her closer, to claim her as his own.

His feelings for y/n defied logic. She was the shy girl with the doe-like eyes, the one who blushed when he complimented her. But beneath that demure exterior lay a fire—an intensity that drew him in. He’d seen glimpses of it—the way her gaze lingered on his lips, the way her breath hitched when he brushed against her.

Jonah’s hand under her shirt wasn’t just about comfort; it was a silent confession. He wanted to explore the landscape of her skin, to map every inch with his fingertips. His chin on her shoulder was an anchor, grounding him in this moment—a moment that held the promise of something more.

As the movie comes to an end, the room fills with the soft murmur of friends gathering their things, preparing to leave. The air is thick with the remnants of shared laughter and the warmth of a good time spent together. Y/n rises from her seat, following the natural flow of her friends towards the door, but she feels a gentle tug on her arm. It's Jonah. His eyes convey a plea, a silent request for her to stay a little longer. Without hesitation, she nods and decides to stay behind.

Y/n turns to her departing friends with a smile. "I'll stay and help Jonah tidy up," she announces. Her friends exchange knowing glances, offering her playful smirks and supportive winks as they file out the door. The room gradually quiets down, the sounds of footsteps and cheerful goodbyes fading into the night. Y/n and Jonah are left with the echoes of the evening, the room now theirs to reclaim from the chaos of a lively gathering.

And so, together, they begin to clean up, their movements synchronized and effortless. The task at hand becomes secondary to the conversation that flows between them. They share stories, laugh at inside jokes, and navigate the delicate space between friendship and something more. The mess of discarded popcorn and empty cups gradually disappears, replaced by a sense of connection and shared purpose.

He pulled her onto the sofa, falling into a peaceful silence. Jonah's tummy presses against her back as he gently strokes down her hips. He kisses her cheek, trailing soft kisses from her cheek to the corner of her mouth and her jawline. Ariana's heart begins to pound, and she feels a wave of nervousness wash over her.

Jonah senses the change in her breathing and pauses for a moment. He wants to make sure she's comfortable, to reassure her. "Y/n," he murmurs softly against her neck, his voice filled with affection. The sound of her name spoken so intimately sends a shiver down her spine.

She turns slightly to face him, lips so close, Jonah's gaze is warm and steady, a silent promise of his care and devotion. Her nerves start to ease, replaced by a growing sense of trust.

In that tender moment, time seemed to stretch, and the world around them faded into a distant blur. The gentle touch of his fingers as they swept her hair behind her ear sent a shiver down her spine. His gaze, darting from her eyes to her lips and back again, as he moved closer, the boundaries that once defined their friendship began to dissolve, replaced by an overwhelming sense of connection and longing.

His approach was deliberate but unhurried, giving her the chance to pull away if she chose to. Yet, she found herself frozen in place, drawn to him by a magnetic pull that she had never felt before. Every inch he traversed seemed to bring with it a rush of memories, laughter shared, secrets whispered, and moments of comfort. It was as if all those instances had been leading up to this singular point in time, where friendship blossomed into something more profound and beautiful.

When his lips finally met hers, it was a gentle and tentative kiss, a question as much as an answer. The world around them ceased to exist, leaving only the sensation of the kiss, the warmth of his touch, and the rapid beating of her heart. In that kiss, they found a new beginning, an uncharted path that they were willing to explore together. The kiss ended, but the connection remained, a silent promise of what was to come, a beautiful, unforeseen journey into the realm of love.

.

@amaretigris @megalony @meetmyothersouls @jonahhauer-kingg

[dizzymisslizzie]

Alex’s childhood bedroom being a nostalgic yet painful place is so relatable to so many of us. There’s a privilege and a trauma that are indissoluble, inexorably linked; the safety of those four walls and the pain he felt in them. Those memories are so core yet have to released for him to start his new journey.

Alex loves and hates that his childhood bedroom is the same as when left it at 18. The twin bed is a white painted wooden frame. The room has a border going through the center of the wall horizontally with cartoon animals waving at him. The walls other wise are white with the slightest hint of blue. The Berber carpet is bright beige and white. He’s always hated it, it always felt too rough on his bare feet. His desk is cheap and fake wood covered in doodles he drew when he was trying to focus on homework but couldn’t. His dresser matches the bed frame and has a a few forgotten textbooks and a yellow cigar box with mementos. The Romeo y Julieta box never lost its nostalgic smell. The Star Wars memorabilia on the top of his small bookshelf is lined up under his Han Solo poster. He realizes it looks like a shrine and chuckles at himself.

[horsetailcurlers2]

YET ANOTHER long and obnoxious stream of my thoughts while watching greys anatomy for the first time (SEASON 16 bc i decided i will try to catch up to you guys who are awaiting S20)

-tom koracick, despite all outward appearances, is far too nice

-bailey pisses me off sometimes bc she usually isn’t wrong, but within the parameters of how everyone behaves on the show, her decisions feel wrong, yk? like irl absolutely she should have fired them without a doubt. but in this soapy medical show in which everyone commits malpractice five times a week, it feels like she’s overreacting lmao. does that make any sense?

-meredith in her community service outfit is kind doing something to me

-a man on a scooter just ran into maggie and amelia’s car and it startled me so bad i drew blood with my cross-stitching needle!

-lisa ann walter!! and charmed cast in the same ep!

-bailey and i are beefing actually

-do NOT have another affair, richard webber

-“how come my mom hasn’t called from sleepover community service?” sleepover community service PLS

-a lumineers song in the background!!! the music is good again

-why is owen pulling this bullshit again!!!!!!!!!!

-bailey is making me so fucking mad right now. she has no room to act morally superior considering some of the shit she’s pulled. she also continues to have this attitude that meredith should owe her something for being her teacher…. which is sort of valid but let’s not pretend that bailey doesn’t owe meredith quite a bit too. idk again it’s one of those things again where in real life, she’s be perfectly justified but within the fictional guidelines set up by the show, she’s being a vindictive asshole.

-patricia!!!!!

-“she is the sun and she is unstoppable” !!!!!

-addison wrote one too!!!!

-this episode is potentially a little too sentimental and overly emotional but i really really like it. the nostalgia bait made me like it even more actually

-more lumineers!!!! i really like this episode. (i’ll stop now but it’s the first episode in a really long time that i’ve really enjoyed the entire thing)

-everyone is being really dramatic about koracick he really isn’t that bad

-i want to like schmitt it just feels like we were sort of thrown into deep emotional story lines for him without getting to know him beyond surface level. maybe it’s just me it just feels like the show wants me to have a certain level of emotional investment in him that i don’t have (yet?)

-beanie feldstein!

-teddy’s sparkly little winter hat is so cute

-TEDDY NO. i don’t mind if you cheat on owen tbh but plz don’t play with tom’s feelings instead of facing your problems.

-i’ll not comment a lot on the alex thing bc i had spoilers for it and honestly it’s just so ridiculous. it’s one of those things that i don’t blame the character for bc i know it was the writers and other irl circumstances. i imagine from izzies perspective this is the culmination of a beautiful crazy love story akin to the notebook. but from our perspective this sounds like the lie you tell your kids when the family dog dies- “oh he went to live on a farm”

-does richard have another brain tumor??? this doesn’t seem like a relapse but…

-i know it’s wrong but i wouldn’t mind this affair if i thought the show was treating teddy/tom as a serious option. as it stands, i just think teddy is being selfish

-i knew the baby wasn’t gonna be owens

-i KNEW this would be a boy who cried wolf situation with deluca. unfortunately, he also is struggling mentally i think but i don’t know if he’s manic or suffering from a break. they had me convinced i was wrong for a minute, but i knew it would turn out that he was right about the girl being trafficked. but i definitely think that he was nowhere near ready to come back to work and that the psychologist should not have cleared him. i hope he gets the help he needs soon bc i really like deluca :(

-the conference in LA would’ve been the perfect opportunity for an addison cameo

-OOH A TWIST IN TEDDY’S BACKSTORY. this explains a lot

-OOH SO MANY TWISTS THIS EPISODE.

-i am fighting for my life trying to defend teddy in my head. i hate owen as much as the next guy but this whole thing is brutal to watch.

[pluckysidekick]

Hello, Drewds! I’ve been on vacation but just had to come back to post about what we know about the next few episodes.

Before I go there, a word on Episode 8. For me it was one of the best of the entire series. The actors were able to capture each others’ speech, mannerisms, and essence so well. And of course the Nancy and Ace scenes were just incredible. They aren’t together romantically yet, but they have reached a new level of honesty with each other, and are learning how to be a couple. The sunset scene, and Ace’s voice cracking as he says later that he’s a better person with Nancy in his life, were everything.

On to episode 9! We got the one line description “The Drew Crew prepare to battle a Sin Eater.” I think we can do better than that. To start with, the title. “The Mystery of the Stolen Soul.”

Who could be the stolen soul? My theory - it’s Tristan Glass. We know he’s adopted, and the Glasses are fully capable of stealing a child. Is he the child of India Burnett, the most recent victim of the Sin Eater (who died on a boat under mysterious circumstances)? Or does he have some other connection?

Henry Zaga was filming in Vancouver and posted this at the time of ep. 9 filming:

I remember at the time wondering how he got so muddy. This certainly makes me think of this scene from the trailer:

We all surmised that this is Tristan who Nancy says she won’t let die (yes I studied Alex and Henry’s profiles for comparison cause I’m obsessed).

Some fans have theorized that Tristan IS a Sin Eater. Did Nancy shoot him accidentally when she’s aiming for a Sin Eater? Or does he transform? Or is he actually the next victim - and if so, whose sin is he paying for? Nancy’s (for the tsunami/killing Tempy/shooting Tristan)? The Glasses (for kidnapping Tristan/many attempted murders)? We will get the return of Jonas Glass in this episode, interested in how he plays into it. Kennedy said we won’t fully understand Tristan’s role until the finale, but I imagine a big piece of the puzzle will be revealed in this episode. Still wondering about his grandfather that he went fishing with, esp after Ep. 8’s Ace&Thom fishing adventure…

We have this intriguing promo still from Ep. 9 which matches with a shot from the trailer:

So is this Temperance’s red sleeping powder she used on Lev? Perhaps Nancy finds it in Icarus Hall. Does she try to use it on the Sin Eater? Tristan? Ace? (Also, where’s Ace?)

There’s this mysterious shot that matches Nancy’s fit from the cabin shot below:

She’s waking up here - did she douse herself with the sleeping powder accidentally? Maybe she’s testing it out before she tries it on the Sin Eater.

We also had this trailer shot in a stone cabin that matches Maddison’s coat from ep.9 filming:

You may remember she attempted to sing Elton John in the green room in this gorgeous purple plaid coat. What icky thing are they encountering? And what is going on here?

Back in town, we’ve got Bess on trial for witchcraft, which is eerily evocative of both the history of early America and today’s terrifying climate:

You may remember the cast did a meet and greet with fans during filming at the old courthouses that are inside the Vancouver Art Gallery:

Since Nancy has a few different outfits in this episode, I’m thinking the trial runs for at least few days.

So I know we’re all anxious about what is happening with Ace, who isn’t in any of these shots. We know from past episodes they often leave him out of promos, surely to increase our anticipation. I can’t imagine him not being there for his Platanchor - although he does have a job that he can’t slack off now. From IMDB, Connor is in this ep, so we should get some work scenes for Ace, and perhaps the suggestion that he go to school to further his career?

I believe we’ll see his potential love interest in the next episode (will do another post), but we should expect some Nancy-Tristan action in this ep. Gotta ride the wave!

As always my post is all speculation based on what we know from BTS, trailers, and promos. I might have the wrong episode for some of these shots, and there may be some I missed. But it’s fun to speculate while we wait for Larry’s emojis and tonight’s broadcast!

[owlsandwich]

The Mechanics of Magic

Read along with me :D - Chapter 14

Chapter 1 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tamara goes to the formal dinner.

A little warning for ableism and panic attacks.

Empty plates clinked as dinner drew to a close, the sound joining the cacophony of conversation that filled the lavish banquet hall.

Tamara found her smile beginning to falter. Bodies pressed into the space around her chair; guests milling between the tables as they searched for more engaging company than could be found in their assigned seats. She had scarcely spoken during the meal, instead nodding along to a conversation that she couldn’t quite discern. It was near impossible to distinguish the words of those at her table from the background noise of a hundred other guests talking nearby.

Though it was hot, she was grateful for the ball gown she wore. The wine-red satin firmly corseted around her waist gave a reassuring pressure and, though it impeded her movement, the heavy skirt reminded her of being snuggled in a weighted blanket. Only her bare shoulders left Tamara feeling exposed, the neckline cut wide above lace sleeves that thankfully weren’t hurting her skin.

“—don’t you think?” A statement, directed at her from the woman to her right, intruded on her thoughts.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Tamara reinforced her smile. “I was thinking about work.” She hoped that the explanation would satisfy the grey-haired Velbian minister beside her. The woman’s lined face crinkled in confusion, and Tamara realised the engaged expression she had been performing must have worked too well.

“We were discussing Morgan’s closure of the Academy,” the woman explained politely, though Tamara perceived the shift in her demeanour to frosty suspicion. “It must have had an impact on your role?”

As far as Tamara knew, the Academy wasn’t technically closed. A handful of mages still resided in the rooms that made up the west wing of the palace, but although being Head of Magical Affairs also put her in charge of the Academy, she had not yet had to deal with them. The only notable benefit of the position had been using an old student room to house Alex and Eira.

“I’m still very new to the role, so I don’t think I can comment on how things have changed,” Tamara replied. She watched the woman’s mouth carefully, not wanting to miss a response due to background noise.

“In any case, I imagine he was right not to waste any more resources on it.” The comment came from a large man sat opposite, whose cheeks shone with a rosiness no doubt caused by the empty wine glass in front of him. “Vailberg’s universities are full to bursting with Ardveldians nowadays!”

“Indeed. I half feel we are overrun,” the older woman sighed. “At least they’re better than the ones from Avel Kifaeros — though you’re probably too young to recall that catastrophe.” She swirled her own wine glass then looked at Tamara with a thin smile.

Tamara was not too young to know the story. Like Ardveld, almost everyone born in Avel Kifaeros had magic ability. The territory’s tenuous independence from the might of a united Vailberg had made it the obvious choice when the newly formed country looked to bolster their mages. It had been a disaster on both sides.

“I’m very familiar with the history, I’m Kifaerish myself,” Tamara replied without hesitation, though saying the words made her body tense. “I left to study in Vailberg when I was eleven.”

“You? Really? You don’t look it.”

Tamara wasn’t sure what exactly she was supposed to look like. The woman raised an eyebrow and took another sip of her wine. “I guess you must be one of the lucky ones. Though are you sure you can cope with your role here?”

The material of her skirt was scrunched tight in her hand before Tamara realised she was gripping it. “Yes, I think I will be fine.”

The man leant across the table and, for the first time that evening, she wished his voice had been too difficult to hear. “If you’re here at all, then you must be different. Most people in Avel Kifaeros can barely communicate, let alone want to leave the place!”

It was a painful generalisation, and Tamara reached up to run a soothing thumb over the smooth garnet in her necklace. Her sister had sent it. Her sister, who never spoke in words and communicated perfectly well through the visual imagery of her illusion spells. Who were these people to declare what she was and wasn’t capable of?

“That’s not—”

Tamara was cut off by the older woman as the conversation continued.

“Oh, that’s not true! I’ve met some Kifaerish that are quite normal, even exceptionally skilled, as long as whatever you need them to do catches their interest. Still difficult to work with, though.” The woman paused in her analysis and turned to Tamara, as if suddenly remembering she was there. “Not that you seem that way, dear. I doubt anyone would be able to tell.” She patted Tamara’s arm with a wrinkled hand, clearly meaning the words as a compliment.

“Thank you.” Tamara unclenched her jaw and forced a smile, despite the anger bubbling in her chest. This reaction was hardly new, and it wasn’t worth rising to or arguing with. Even so, a pressure was building in her head, the room becoming a blur of colour and noise. “I’m sorry, I need to leave.”

She didn’t wait for their reaction as she fled the table.

Gold curtains partially concealed a pair of tall glass doors, beyond which a stone balcony ran the length of the dining hall. Tamara’s muted awareness only widened when she felt a cool breeze brush the heat from her skin. A way out. She slipped through into the fresh air, ears ringing in the sudden quiet.

From three floors up, the terrace had a sweeping view of the palace gardens. To her right, the west wing blocked the sun from view, though a red glow in the clouds suggested it must be a beautiful sunset. There was a sweet scent to the air and Tamara felt the tension leaving her body, until she looked to her left and realised she wasn’t alone.

Morgan stood at the far end of the balcony. Even from this far away, the shimmering gold and white of his court attire was instantly recognisable, and starkly contrasted with the grey of his face. As she got closer, she saw he was leaning heavily against the stone railing. The buttons of his high collar were undone, his breath coming in rapid gasps.

Tamara increased her pace, and he heard her approach. Morgan’s panicked eyes flicked between her and the balcony door. He pulled his posture straight, though the hand gripping the stone hard enough to blanch his fingers still gave away his distress.

“Would you like me to call for a healer?” Tamara spoke softly, keeping her distance. Morgan shook his head in reply. No. “Then, is it alright if I stay?”

His rejection of the healer wasn’t a shock. She had seen this before, and it wasn’t something medicine or magic could cure. Another gasping breath turned into many as Morgan lost what little composure he’d forced at her arrival. Then, he nodded, and Tamara settled beside him.

“It’s okay. We’re safe here.” She tried to ignore the pounding of her own heart as she spoke, uttering the words in a soothing monotone. “It looks like the roses are in bloom. If you take a deep breath, you can smell them. I’ve always loved the smell of roses.” She imagined it sounded like she was rambling about nothing, but Morgan seemed to be listening regardless. “It’s nice how this stone holds the heat, isn’t it? It feels so rough…”

Somewhere in the city a bell tolled the hour, chiming through the birdsong that rose from the hedgerows below. Tamara kept describing the sensations of the evening, speaking them aloud as they came into her head, until Morgan’s breathing had slowed and the colour returned to his skin.

“A technique from Avel Kifaeros?” Morgan’s voice cracked as he spoke, but it wasn’t weak.

“Not exactly.” Tamara realised her own body was shaking, too, and she reached up again to her necklace for comfort. “It’s a type of grounding exercise. For anxiety. It helps me when I— Well, I thought it might work for you, too.”

Daring to look up, Tamara was surprised to see a soft smile on Morgan’s face.

“It was much appreciated. Thank you.” He pulled a gold, embroidered handkerchief from his pocket and wiped at the sweat around his neck. Together they stood unspeaking, listening to the faint sound of chatter from the diners, overlaid by the evening chorus.

Tamara hesitated before breaking the silence. “Is it like this every year?”

“I’d say the canapes have got worse.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Morgan sighed, and she hoped she hadn’t overstepped a boundary.

“Yes. Every year.” Silence fell again as she struggled to work out how best to reply, but this time Morgan broke it. “How much do you know about the takeover?”

“I, um... Just what we are taught,” Tamara stammered. The question was unexpected, especially given who was asking. “It was twenty-three years ago. Vailberg sent a team to remove the old royal family and took over the governing of Ardveld.” She kept the succinct summary as emotionless as she could manage.

“Very tactful,” Morgan chuckled. If it was possible that a laugh could carry despair, Tamara had just heard it. She saw him grip the stone rail again, but this time his breathing remained steady. “Twenty-three years ago tomorrow, to be precise. It was here that it happened. This weather. This room. It’s the same, every year.”

His words made the hair on the back of her neck prickle. This room. It should have been obvious, but it hadn’t even crossed Tamara’s mind that she was standing in the place that they had died. Visions of the blood-soaked hall from the stories flashed into her mind, the red of the sunset now seeming far more sinister than it had moments before.

“It didn’t look like this,” Morgan continued, as though reading her thoughts. “I had it stripped. The furnishings, wallpaper... I am aware that hardly helped quell the rumours.” He met her gaze and Tamara found herself unable to look away. “You can leave now, if you wish.”

Her breath caught, but she didn’t want to leave. She wasn’t sure if it should appal her that she didn’t. The Morgan she knew from the stories jarred awkwardly in her mind against her impression of the man in front of her. She broke their eye contact, then, let her gaze fall to his gilded coat, its collar still hanging loose.

“I’d rather stay.”

Morgan turned away from her, his expression hidden as he looked back out over the gardens. “That makes one of us then.” The response was barely audible, a whisper that seemed more for himself than for her. She wondered if he regretted the events that had happened here, opened her mouth to ask, then swallowed the words. What answer could he possibly give?

“I will always do my duty for Vailberg.” Morgan’s response to her unspoken question told her she was correct not to probe.

A chill breeze picked up as the shadows started lengthened and Tamara tried unsuccessfully to hide a shiver, not wanting Morgan to think she was uncomfortable due to him.

“Are you cold? We should go inside.” He pocketed his handkerchief and refastened his collar, before holding out an arm.

Tamara lifted a hand but paused, not convinced she understood what was expected of her. Seeing her hesitation, Morgan lowered his arm and stepped away.

“I’m sorry. It’s not you! I—” Tamara stumbled over her response, realising what her actions might have implied.

“I take no offence,” Morgan said, and when she looked at his face, he seemed to truly mean it. Rather than the hurt she had been expecting to see, there was a warmth in his eyes that did nothing to help her quickened heart.

“There you are!” A voice splintered the moment. Aiden Heliodor stood in the doorway, blocking the entrance to the hall. He must have been searching for Morgan, but it didn’t look as though he had attended the dinner at all. Though smart, his attire was nowhere near the embellished uniform he should have been wearing on such an important occasion, but this fact didn’t seem to concern him. The wind played over his mahogany hair, so much like his uncle’s, and a smile broke across his face when Tamara looked at him.

“How can I help you?” The words were polite, but the chill in Morgan’s tone made her freeze. Before she could take in his expression, he stepped forward, blocking her view of Aiden completely.

“I have some urgent business to discuss with Tamara.”

She peered around Morgan’s back at Aiden’s reply. With me? There was no smile on his face now.

“I’d apologise for the interruption,” Aiden continued, “but shouldn’t you be inside? I am sure our guests are keen to toast your achievement. Modesty doesn’t suit the conqueror of Ardveld.”

“We were just about to head in.” Morgan’s reply betrayed no hint of distress. “Though it is not modesty that will lead me to raise a toast to your mother. It will be many generations before we see another of her greatness.”

For a moment, Aiden’s face twisted in rage. Then the expression vanished, as though wiped clean.

“Pay no heed to my uncle; we have exciting things to discuss.” He turned to face Tamara, and she got the distinct impression that this wasn’t a request. In any case, if Aiden had found information regarding the ground magic then she was interested. “Come with me.”

Without looking back, he thrust the curtain away and strode inside. With an apologetic glance at Morgan, Tamara followed.

*

She had to hurry to keep up with Aiden’s pace. After brushing off the multitude of people in the banquet hall who tried to capture him in conversation, he was now racing through the palace corridors with urgency. There had been no conversation on the way, nothing to hint at why she had been summoned, and rather than heading to the library, they seemed to be going in the direction of the guest rooms.

“Did you not go to the party in the end?” Tamara ventured, hoping that Aiden might at least slow down. They had passed no one else in the hall, the occupants of these rooms likely all at the dinner.

To her relief, Aiden allowed her to catch up. “I decided I had more important matters to attend to. As I’m sure you’ll agree, parties are too frivolous for people like us. My uncle could never understand.” He withdrew a key from his blazer. “We need somewhere private for this conversation and my rooms are just here.”

Tamara immediately stopped walking and Aiden laughed.

“What? Does it scare you to be in my room alone? I promise I will be nothing but a gentleman.” A bolt clicked and there was a faint flare of magic as the locking spell recognised his key. “Please, come in.”

Tamara entered first. Though large, the seating area of Aiden’s suite was impossibly crowded. Stacks of books and computer discs littered every available surface, the only illumination coming from the screen of a laptop sat in the centre of an expansive desk. A rare sight even in Vailberg, and one that served as a strong reminder of whose room she was in. Flicking on the light as he passed, Aiden crossed to the desk and pushed the laptop shut.

“Are you going to sit down?” When he turned back to her, he was holding a hefty book in both hands.

“No, don’t worry. I’m fine.” Tamara wasn’t sure why, but she wanted to be on her feet. At least it would imply that this wouldn’t be a long stay.

“Don’t be ridiculous, sit. You’ll make me seem like a poor host, standing there!”

Aiden carried the book to the coffee table and Tamara saw the pages shimmer silver as he set it down. With his hands free, he cleared a space on the sofa large enough for both of them.

“Now then,” Aiden continued once Tamara had settled beside him. “Yesterday, when you mentioned magic moving the earth, I knew I had read something similar before.” The thick pages crackled as he peeled the book open. “It’s lucky I was able to have it retrieved from Vailberg so quickly. Read this.”

A paragraph of text took up the centre of the first page.

The esteemed royal lineage and Champions of Ardveld; country of magic. As their power once raised the mountains and carved the rivers, may it continue to shape Ardveld’s future. Blood and land forever entwined.

“Fascinating that I should end up bringing back a book I had already removed from the palace’s library,” Aiden mused to himself as Tamara read. “Do you see?”

“What does it mean though?” Tamara replied. “That Ardveld itself was made through magic? I might not have explained properly, but I couldn’t sense any magic in Golebach, and neither could any other mage I’ve spoken to.” It was possible that, having no magical ability himself, Aiden had misunderstood.

“No!” Tamara flinched at Aiden’s raised voice. “Of course you wouldn’t feel anything. Don’t you see? The King shaped the lands. The Royal Family! They would be the only ones able to sense this magic.”

“But… there aren’t any Royal Family members left.” If she’d ever had any doubt on the matter, after speaking with Morgan this evening, Tamara was certain of it. “And even if there were, I’m not confident they would be causing earthquakes in Golebach.” She smiled.

It was easy to forget how young Aiden was. Despite how close the two of them looked in age, he would have only been around two years old during the takeover — too young to remember any more than stories of Ardveld’s royalty. “It’s a nice thought, but that seems a lot to draw from such a vague piece of writing.”

“You said you spoke to witnesses,” Aiden hissed and Tamara’s smile vanished. “Do you remember what they looked like?” He hefted the book onto his lap and flicked through to the end, slamming it onto the table in front of her. “These were the last living members of the royal line.”

The pages were full of pictures, from copies of painted portraits through to posed photographs of those born closer to the present day. These last photos showed the former king, a dark-haired man with a styled moustache, then the queen, and finally... Her eyes came to rest on the last photo and a cold sweat pricked over her body.

Aiden was watching her face intently; Tamara could see it from the corner of her eye, and she attempted to morph her expression into one of confusion.

“If any of them are still alive,” Aiden said, “then the Royal Champions would still exist.” His gaze was starting to burn, but Tamara didn’t take her eyes off the book. “A spell that could turn anyone into the strongest mage in Ardveld. In the world! Losing that knowledge was a tragedy.”

“I— I don’t think even they knew how it worked,” Tamara stammered. “Otherwise there would be records—”

“We could find out! Experiment!” Aiden exclaimed. “Imagine what we could achieve! If any of them lived—”

 “I’m sorry.” Tamara’s heart was pounding, words tumbling out too fast. “I don’t recognise anyone in these pictures. I can get back in touch with the police at Golebach though, to see if they could ask the witnesses if they saw anyone…”

“That would be helpful. Yes.” Aiden didn’t seem like he was going to press her further, yet when she met his gaze, his eyes were narrow and cold.

“May I borrow your book?” Tamara said hurriedly, placing a hand over the image on the page. “I’m sorry to ask but… it would be good to copy the pictures. So I can send them across to the police station.”

Aiden inclined his head. “Go ahead.”

The tome was heavy and Tamara hugged it against her body. “Thank you. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything.” She scooted around the table, not turning her back on Aiden, as he stood up from the sofa.

“Let me get that.” Before she could make it to the door, he caught up, blocking her exit as he reached for the handle. “If you do learn anything, Tamara, you will tell me, yes?” He was close enough that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. “I promise that no harm will come to you if you do.”

The assurance was not comforting. “Of course. You’ll be the first to know.” Tamara pulled the tome tighter to her chest, sighing in relief as Aiden nodded and opened the door.

“Thank you again for your help.” A lightness returned to his tone when she stepped into the corridor, and he gave a friendly wave as she turned to walk away. Suppressing the desire to break into a run, Tamara proceeded down the empty hall, certain she could sense his eyes on her until the end.

[milliesfishes]

maybe a slow lovely morning with alex neither of you wanting to admit you have to get on two separate planes soon and then eventually having to say goodbye … :((((

hope you’re having fun with your friend today!

thank you darling, it was lovely <3 this is so sweet <3 ⋆౨ৎspending the morning with alex on the last day of vacation⋆౨ৎ fem reader x alex nilsen

The early hours of the morning had a tendency to drag like two heavy feet behind you. You were used to the feelings accompanying rising early to get ready for work, in no mood yet to put energy into curling your hair or applying makeup just so you could deem yourself acceptable enough to exit the confines of your apartment.

Today, it was different. Today you relished every second granted, every breath you drew. Because this morning you weren't waking up alone.

Alex's body was lining your back, cocooning you with his arms twined around your waist, one hand creeping up your chest and grasping your collarbone like a vine, and the other settled splayed on your tummy. His fingers were the roots of a tree, and you wished they would take to the earth of your stomach forever.

Shifting against his back, you tried not to let the inevitable consume you. It was circling the two of you like a hawk over helpless prey, the sharp, cruel threat of its talons edging tainting what little time you had left.

On the bedside table sat two plane tickets, bound for separate destinations. You'd stacked them together in the hopes that you could fool your waking mind into false promises. That later today you'd board the same plane holding hands, and he'd rest his head on your shoulder and sleep while you played your movie, one earbud in his ear. That you'd get a taxi from the airport together and leave your suitcases in the closet to unpack another day in favor of cuddling any post-trip exhaustion away.

You dreamt of domesticity with him, imagined his toothbrush beside yours, purchasing a new nightstand for his side of the bed, his read of the week resting atop it parallel to his pills. It was a pleasant daydream to imagine him warming the other side of your bed, just as he was now.

But the cold splash of reality always awakened you, and its spray was directed at you now. You reached for his hand on your belly, bending your fingers into the space between his. A perfect fit like always, though the size of his hands far exceeded yours.

A gentle kiss was pressed to your shoulder, where his chin was nestled, and he murmured, voice thick with sleep. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Your voice was wobbly, precarious like a child's stack of blocks. Alex's fingers pressing into yours showed he heard it.

He used his hand on your collarbone to draw invisible shapes into your skin, pads of his fingers warm. Another kiss, this time to the crook of your neck. "I'm thinking about it too."

A little whimper akin to a cat's mewl escaped you, and swiftly, you turned in his arms, head finding its place in his chest and grasping onto his arms. His skin was warm, and it provided a modicum of comfort as you burrowed into him. "I don't wanna leave you."

"I don't want to either." Alex's soft tone was like a balm on your aching heart, and you wished you could bottle it and put it on your nightstand for whenever you were missing him back home. When you were separated like this, there was never a lack of contact. Frequent phone calls, texts, pictures ensued, but it could never fill the place of the real thing.

You shoved your ear to his heart- the sound of it calming you like always. Even though you couldn't see him from this angle, you knew he was smiling. He did every time you soothed yourself this way, as if he was there merely for your pleasure. Smushing your cheek into his pec, you mumbled, "I wish I could take this with me."

"My heart?" His hand combed through your hair, stroking the back. "I think I might need that."

"Well what if I want to have it?" Your chin was resting on him now, as you gave him a pouty look.

"You already do," Alex affirmed, lifting one of your hands and pressing a kiss to the knuckles. "You take up all the space in it. My one humble request is that I keep the organ."

Sighing dramatically, you lifted yourself up slightly to look at him fully. "I wish you could come back with me."

"I know." Alex slid his hands to your waist, dragging you to sit atop his hips. His fingers lingered, rubbing the expanse of your sides. "You just have to give me until the end of the school year. Just a few more months. And then I'll be with you and you'll miss missing me."

You cracked a smile at that, a little giggle falling out. "Only if you keep waking me up at the crack of dawn when you go on your runs."

"Isn't my fault you're a light sleeper, baby." He sat up, kissing your nose. "But I'll try. Wouldn't want to get kicked out."

"You're lucky you're pretty," you teased, smoothing your hands over his shoulders and leaning into him once again, his warmth engulfing you. There, sheltered in his arms, you allowed yourself five more minutes before the demands of the day would take over, forcing you to accept the fact that you would wake up alone tomorrow.

Alex nosed a kiss into your hair, whispering sweet things that swallowed your senses, and for once you weren't worried about enjoying your time with him enough.

Right now there was only him.

[lostandfoundbook]

Chapter 5

Read it on AO3

Read it on Wattpad

Alexandria's life was really beginning to look upwards. Between the production of Spring Awakening, to the people currently in her life, hell, even to the bedroom she currently stayed in. everything was great! And yet, Alexandria couldn't help but feel that itch.

The burning sensation in her soul to consume. Escape from this reality and enter a state of relaxation. Or, in other words, get high. She missed it. It was a deep feeling seated in the middle of her gut that screamed for awareness.

She kept it quiet for now. There weren't a lot of places she could really get drugs, anyway. She wasn't really interested in uppers, and she's come to realize that her drug of choice is opioids. It wasn't good, what with the crisis and all, but Morphine gave a sort of release that she couldn't put into words.

She laid her head back on her bed frame, her scripts splayed out in front of her. One set was entirely filled with highlighted marks, quickly dictating the importancey of a scene with a single golden hue. It was easy to mistake your lines for someone else so Alex made sure to avoid that.

Her head spun with an annoyance. One that was familiar and yet still so very distant to the girl. She remembered it, but felt that oh-so-familiar feeling of blockage. Like her brain was protecting her from something she wasn't supposed to know. A secret she was keeping from herself.

It bothered her. What she did know, is she wanted morphine, and she couldn't get it. It wasn't like you could just get drugs from anybody on the corner. There was an old abandoned house that Alex's friends used to hang around as kids, and it had been taken over by a large population of drug users.

That was the place Alex usually found drugs. But that was on a completely opposite side of town, and she had no way of getting there without looking completely suspicious. I mean, it's not like Oliver would just allow drugs in his hotel, now would he? It was complicated, she thought.

And it wasn't like it was easy, either. In the past the only way she was able to gain the trust of the people there was by exchanging some of what she already had. Her parents were also users, so it was easy to get in with the wrong type of crowd. And in she got.

She started slowly. First it was weed when she was 11 with her friends. She was young, she thought. She was 12 when she picked up cigarettes and alcohol, and she was 14 by the time she got her hands on her parents weed. From there it was easy for her to get into parties with friends, because your age didn't matter if you were the supplier, right?

It all went down hill from there. If it exists, Alexandria has probably tried it at one point in her life. Mushrooms, Molly, Cocaine, all of the above? Yes. But that's when her friends started offering her this alternative to heroin.

She drew a firm line a heroin. She wanted to party, she thought, not become an addict. She didn't realize that, at this point, it was already too late. She had already been addicted at this point, she just hadn't found her drug of choice. Still, though, heroin was too far.

But this alternative? It wasn't really heroin, she thought. It's different. They called it Mister Blue, and they told her it was an opioid. Back then, there wasn't really a crisis. Not yet, anyway. So hearing about the effects of this magical downer that would take away all of her pains and worries.

At the time, Alex was dating this really abusive guy. Mason. It was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with him, one day he could be the sweetest guy and take her out on a date and make her feel like the most valuable person in the world, and the next day he'll be beating on her like she's a punching bag. It made no sense, and she was begging for an escape by that point.

She got addicted. She constantly sought out Mister Blue, or as she came to learn, morphine. She thought it was fitting, really. She was injured! It was medicine. She cringes at the fact that this is what she said previously in her stay at the hotel. Maybe she was still addicted.

Alex found herself reaching for her phone, scrolling through her limited contacts. She didn't know anyone who could get her drugs, or at the very least, weed. She just wanted to taste it one last time. It had been forever, as much as she could recollect.

She tapped of 'Everette's icon and quickly formatted a text, seeing if there was anybody who could get her anything. It wasn't too long before she got a text back asking her to call him.

"Hello?" She said after the third ring. "Hey. What are you looking for? We can't text about this."

Alex frowned. "I want weed. Mushroom. Anything! I'll take whatever you got". There was a chuckle on the other end of the line. "I'm surprised you're not looking for M"

Molly? Morphine? Who knows. "I'm kinda trapped. Not many places I can do that"

"But you can smoke?" She hadn't really thought it through. That wasn't one of her main concerns right not. "I don't care. What do you have?"

There was a pause on the other line before he finally spoke again. "I can get you joints and a lighter but you owe me." Another frown left Alex's body. "I barely know you"

"You know me very well, and, obviously I don't mean that. I just want to talk to you again"

Well, obviously it wasn't obvious. Alex crossed her arms and looked out towards the balcony next to her bed. "Aren't we talking now?"

"In person. I haven't seen you in weeks. Last I knew, we were dating. Plus, we haven't taken any photos together in forever. That's like, so unlike us. I miss us. Don't you want to remember?"

Alex felt jostled by all the information hauled at her. "Alright, alright, of course I want to remember. Let's just see how things go, alright? We can meet in an hour"

* * *

Everette approached Alex standing by the aquarium Oliver had built up near the lobby. She wanted to be out in the open, but not too open. Not too obvious. "Hey, how have you been?" He asked, wrapping an arm around her waist as he hugged her. This made Alex uncomfortable.

Despite this, Alex returned the hug. "Hey! I've been better, how are you?" She spoke, a smile gliding across her lips "I'm good now that I get to see you"

Alex was wearing a simple floral patterned dress which came down to her knees. It was something Oliver had stashed in the closet for when socialites stopped by to temporarily live in the suites, usually on residency for a tour. She had seen a couple of the celebrities pass by her bedroom late at night.

She processed the comment, and smiled again. "Why don't we sit down somewhere?"

Everette nodded his head, motioning towards the sofa's in the waiting area. "So. Tell me about your life without me" he finally said, breaking the silence. "Well, I've been working on a play"

His nose contorted in a way that brought shame to her stomach. "A play? You stopped doing those years ago". Alex's mouth drooped sideways. "Yeah? Well, it seemed like a good idea. I don't do anything all day when I'm hanging out here. Resting, or whatever."

"You could always hang out with me" he spoke, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "I don't know... I do really like theatre. It's been great being able to be the lead role again..." She trailed off her words as they began to leave her mouth. Something about this outting just didn't feel right.

Like everything inside her gut was telling her to turn and run in the opposite direction.

"Well, that's good I guess. Have you made any thoughts about your future? You were always so good at singing"

Alex shook her head. "I haven't really been creative since the accident.. just journaling." Everette raised an eyebrow at this. "journaling?"

"Well, yeah. Like a diary?"

"Sounds girly"

"Well, I AM a girl."

Everette rolled his eyes. "You know, you really could've fooled me. You were a tomboy our entire relationship. I mean, this dress isn't really... you. You know?"

She crossed her arms, her purse strap drooping as she did so. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why do you have to get so defensive about it? It's not like you remember."

That comment stung. "Here, just take these." Everette grabbed Alex's purse out from her arms, and before she even had time to think, it was in his grasp. He unzipped it, tossing in 6 or 7 pre rolls. He zipped it back up and eyed her up and down. "We can talk more when you aren't so... upset."

He tossed her purse back in her direction, and walked away before she could say another word. She wasn't upset. Well, at least, she wasn't until this VERY moment. She put her purse back around her arm and huffed, making her way back towards the elevators.

Had she really gotten herself into another relationship with such an...asshole? She didn't understand it. He was being so nice the last few times she had seen him in person, and texting him had been fun. She was learning so much about herself, and she felt like this was really her last connection to her missing memories.

Maybe he was just having a bad day. Everybody has bad days. Everyone's human. She made her way back towards her room, passing Oliver on the way up.

"Bad date?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. She didn't respond, but nodded in approval as the two brushed shoulders in the hallway. It was a date, in a way. A bad one. A short one. But a date, none the less. She pushed the door to her room open, pushing the double doors shut behind her.

She walked through the large room, trotting past her dresser and kicking her flats off as she walked past. The sun was starting to set at this point, and sleep wasn't what was on her mind. She walked into her ginormous walk in closet (which she felt she didn't deserve) and quickly changed into a casual t-shirt and a pair of biker shorts.

She stopped to look at herself in the mirror, noting the scarring on her legs from previous self harm. She hadn't done it in a long time. She had switched to different methods years ago.

She walked back out of the closet and made her way to her purse, rummaging around in it for her lighter and one of the joints Everette had tossed in there. She walked over towards the balcony doors and opened then in one fluid motion.

The doors were marginally lighter than the doors to her bedroom she thought. Stepping outside, she stopped to examine the view met before her. It was skyscraper next to skyscraper, and she never really had the chance to stop and admire it before. She was always so stressed when she came into the city.

It was either family outings to pick stuff up (usually drugs), or it was auditions that took place in the heart of the city. None of them were particularly good memories for Alex, especially seeing as she'd never gotten a call back to any of those places. Maybe it was because of Oliver, or maybe it wasn't. Who knew, really?

She breathed in a breath of fresh air, and exhaled it out of her lungs before fiddling with the joint between her fingers. She shoved it between her lips and inhaled as she lit it up, a warm orange glow lighting the tip before her.

The inhale was harsh. She remembered it fondly as she let out a cough, quickly passing the joint from her mouth to her fingers. All the smoke that was previously in her lungs quickly expelled. As she was in the midst of her coughing fit, she heard a little noise from behind her.

"Really bad date?" a male voice spoke, causing Alex to nearly jump out of her skin. It was Oliver. She felt like a child getting caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar by their parents all over again. "God, do you just follow me everywhere?!"

Oliver shrugged. "You've been known to cause trouble."

Alex frowned and crossed her arms, ashing her joint over the ledge of the balcony. "Like that. Use an ash tray"

"Whatever."

Alex sat in silence for a moment before sitting down in the chairs that were outside on the balcony with them. The cold air nipped at her skin with a small chill running down the quick of her back. "Yeah. I guess it was a bad date. He got all pissy at me" She finally spoke

"Well, that's a given. He's not exactly known as a great guy"

Alex went to what seemed to be her default mode after her accident: frowning. "Why does everybody know everything about my life but me? It's so unfair. You know, you could just tell me what you know about me. It would be easier than just alluding to it every time!" She had an exasperated tone to her voice, nearly pleading at this point. It had been weeks, and she wasn't any closer to remembering.

"Give me that"

Alex sighed. She assumed he was getting ready to put it out when Oliver sat down and took a drag off of the joint. Alex sat with a confused look on her face. "Shut up, you either share or get kicked out"

"I didn't say anything"

Oliver handed the joint back to Alex and sat with the smoke in his lungs for a few moments before letting it out. "You were a theatre person, obviously. But you stopped doing it after awhile. I don't know. I wasn't in your life, I was just an observer who kept check on the competition."

Alex nodded in affirmation, taking her own hit off of the joint. She could already feel the effects of it starting, a dream like state beginning to wash over her. "You released an couple of singles. An EP and an album. After awhile a lot of people really started to like you and you really pivoted. You toured and stuff. After that, I don't really know."

"Right"

"You were always in the media for fights. I don't know what kind, but they always looked like bar fights from my point of view." he added, taking the joint back from Alex and inhaling.

"What do you mean by that?"

He exhaled. "Well, a lot of people thought you were in some kind of fighting ring." Alex's head perked up at this. "What's what supposed to mean? I don't get it"

"They thought you were getting bet on. It was an unfair fight. They'd set you up with other girls they knew you'd win against, and they'd take in all the money. Everette specifically. There were also rumors of bruises and abusiveness, but never anything solid. You also used, so it was hard to tell what the bruises were."

He took another hit off of the joint.

Alex nodded, processing but not-processing the information. She heard it, it affected her, she retained it, but something about it didn't sink it really. Had she really fought people? Had Everette been abusive? Maybe. Maybe the bruises were from...you know. The fights? It didn't bother her.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Oliver spat out, a mocking tone in his voice. "You don't have any input on that? You're that much of a lightweight?"

"Maybe! Maybe you're just a stranger to me." Alex shot back, taking the joint from him. By this point it was halfway smoked and Alex felt this sort of anxiety about the situation ending so soon.

"How'd you get this, anyway?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets. A journalist never reveals her sources. An addict never reveals their dealer." Alex nodded her head towards Oliver before taking her own drag off of the joint. Puff puff pass was a fond game of hers. She had played it often with friends back home, and once with her mom.

But she never talked about that.

"Alright, just, maybe let me know if you need more. This is really shitty weed."

Alex's brows furrowed at the suggestion. She was high, sure, but she was cognizant enough to be aware of how out of pocket that comment was. "What?" was the only thing she could muster up.

"What?" was all he replied back. "What do you mean you'll get me better weed. From where?"

"What happened to not revealing dealers?" he added, tilting his head and squinting his eyes. "Yeah, but you aren't an addict, now are you?"

"Don't worry about it. Do you want to take me up on that offer or not?"

Alex paused to examine the situation. I mean. She really DID want to. But could she trust Oliver? She paused for a second before partially losing her train of thought. She started thinking about Everette.

"Give me a second."

She trusted Everette with the joints, and apparently they were shitty. Why wouldn't she trust Oliver with the better quality weed, or so he claims? It's worth a shot, isn't it? What if it was some sort of ploy? What's the deal with Oliver, anyway?

"I guess, yes, obviously. You're asking an addict if they want weed."

His lips formed a line as he shrugged, tossing his hands to the side as he did so. "I'd rather you have safer sources, obviously. I just... don't like Everette."

Alex nodded. It was his hotel, after all. The rest of the night passed by with an ease, and slightly a blur. Maybe it was the weed, or maybe it was the weird comfortability she felt with Oliver. Sitting here on the balcony, seeing the sights that she saw, feeling a level of protection where she was at, she was happy for the first time in a very long time.

The joint eventually went out, and Oliver said his goodbyes soon after. It was late and the sun had set with the two of them practically watching it's escape from their view. Almost missing it in the intoxicated haze the two of them were set in. Alex made her way to bed with the smell of weed still pungent on her clothes.