#and yesterday....they show us that they are really on a level that can be compete in a international scene once again 🥹🥹🥹

[gxtzeizm]

Selangor Red Giants celebrating their back-to-back MPL Malaysia champions after winning 4-2 against Team Vamos

i just can't believe that we're repeating the mpl malaysia champions once again in 2 consecutive seasons 😭😭🥹🥹...i'm so proud of my boys ❤️💛❤️💛

[tenantoftheorpheumcircuit]

Hello gay people in my phone, since you liked yesterday’s dysgraphic Davey post here’s another more detailed one!

Davey’s like really struggling in school because he’s reading at a college level, but his writing never really progressed past grade school. He’s venting about this to his friends (including Katherine) and she offers the use of her typewriter - it can’t hurt to try? He’s initially very resistant because what if I can’t do it then? What does that mean? Does that mean that everyone was right and I really am stupid? But he tries, and it’s a learning curve but he can get what’s in his head on paper for the first time in his life. So he and Katherine spend like every day where they’re not both busy together working on a story. It’s not perfect, a little rough around the edges, but it’s his and it’s proof that there is something worth sharing in his head after all. He decides to show it to his teachers, and they don’t believe that he wrote it. Say he’s not capable of producing something like that, that he must have stolen it off of someone else, that he’s lying. Totally crushing his hopes of being seen as competent and worthy.

[noodyl-blasstal]

The Dog House

Day 15 of @taznovembercelebration and I got "playlist"

Read below or on Ao3. Missed yesterday? Catch up here.

-

"Taako?"

Music thuds out of the kitchen, loud, bouncy, and accompanied by the sweet scent of vanilla and spices wafting in the air.

"Taako?" Kravitz tried a bit louder.

Nothing.

There is absolutely no way for Kravitz to compete with ‘Bake, bake, bake, bake, ba, bake it’ and be heard. He knows, he’s tried before. The volume is an important part of the process.

Although... Maybe that will actually work in his favour. Kravitz pulls out his phone, juggling the warm lump in his arms to do it. It’s worth a try, if nothing else, Taako would see the funny side.

He hits record and smiles lovingly into the camera. "Hello love, I'm just here at the house and I have something big to ask you." There's no reply from Taako.

"If you don't reply, I'll assume it's okay, but can we get a dog?" The music thumps away in the kitchen.

"Specifically this dog?" Kravitz readjusts slightly to get the pomeranian into view. "He's very fluffy."

"Okay, well, as I haven't heard anything from you, I'm assuming this means Fluffums can stay."

Fluffums' tongue pokes out adorably and he flops his sweet head to the side. Kravitz can't resist planting a little kiss on it.

"That's the name he came with by the way. Magnus… well, you know. Anyway... I'm glad you..."

"Magnus did this?" Taako says from behind his right shoulder.

Fuck.

Kravitz should have known better than to assume he'd get away with this, Taako always knows somehow, but also, he'll kill or die for this dog… Well, be sulky about it if Taako says definitely not because obviously two yesses is important, but maybe he can live in the Astral Plane part time again, Taako’s really into this sleeping stuff. Fluffums licks his hand reassuringly.

Kravitz smiles as innocently as he can and stops the recording… Maybe if he edits it down Taako’ll forget that he heard the last bit? He didn’t say anything when Kravitz said to anyway - you couldn’t object to a wedding three months later could you? Probably not. He’d have to look it up before he used that as a defence, but it sounded solid.

“Magnus didn’t do anything. He just showed me Flu…”

“No. We’re changing his name.”

“But what if he…”

“He doesn’t. He’s not attached to it. Taako is not calling anyone Fluffums.”

“Even m…”

“Especially not you… Unless you ask nicely.” Taako breaks his serious face to smirk at Kravitz and goddess damn it all if that doesn’t still make him want to kiss Taako stupid.

He has to concentrate though, he can win this. He just needs a compelling argument.

“Look at his little face.” Kravitz elevates The Dog Formerly Known As Fluffums to eye level with Taako. “See.”

“Yip!” Says No Longer Fluffums in the most charming tone (even if Kravitz does say so himself.)

And, it’s only a split second, the smallest of glimpses, but he sees the softness in Taako’s eyes.

“He needs a home, somewhere safe.” Says Kravitz.

That argument’s how Taako got all the cats here.

“And what about the ca…”

“He loves cats.”

“But couldn’t eat a whole one?” Taako tries to look stern, he almost manages it.

“Taako! He would never.”

“Mr Mittens is going to fight him.”

“Mr Mittens fights everyone.”

“Not me.”

“Well of course not, you’re perfect, Mr Mittens fights everyone else.”

There’s a long pause, then Taako stares intently at The Dog Who Couldn’t Be Fluffums, the dog stares right back, pink tongue poking daintily out of his mouth. Kravitz wants to snap a picture, but he really shouldn’t ruin the moment and he’s already taken so many…

Taako wrinkles his nose. “He’s not sleeping on the bed.”

Kravitz can sleep on the sofa once Taako is asleep and sneak back to bed before he wakes up, that’s completely fine.

Kravitz nods seriously.

“He can’t climb on the furniture.”

Kravitz isn’t furniture. Ergo, if he was sitting on the chair then anything sitting on him wasn’t on the chair. That was just science.

“That seems fair.”

“You need to do all the research on how to look after him.”

Taako says that like he thinks there’s a chance Kravitz hasn’t already done an intense Googling session at Magnus’. Like he didn’t stop at the pet store on the way home. Like he hasn’t already rifted everything they could need and more into his closet.

“Of course I can do that.” He pauses, waits for any other conditions, but none come, Taako must love him. “Does that mean we ca…”

“Yep.” Taako tries to look ambivalent, he fails.

It’s not that Kravitz ever really thought Taako would say no, but it’s nice to have official confirmation.

“What do you think of Fluffernutter?” Taako asks suddenly.

“Conceptually, or?”

“For him.” He nods towards Kravitz’s armfull of dog.

Kravitz considers it for a moment, he’s definitely fluffy and sweet, peanut butter is nice, he’s nice. Kravitz likes fluffernutter, he likes the dog. “Yes. I think that’s right, love.”

Fluffernutter nuzzles happily at the crook of Kravitz’s arm as Kravitz draws Taako into his free arm. “I promise to still love you just as much.” He says, grinning over Taako’s head.

“You’d better. Cha’boy refuses to lose out to anyone.” Taako’s hand strokes idly at Fluffernutter, the dog nuzzles his hand and wiggles towards him.

Kravitz gives it a week before Taako’s the favourite. It’s okay, he’s Kravitz’s favourite too.

-

I hope you enjoyed! Wanna see the next prompt? Find it here.

[isthehorsevideocute]

have you heard that the danish olympic dressage winner, Carina Cassøe Krüth, has now been exposed for hitting her horse.. a video from 2022 has been leaked! link to the video here x .. its so awful! a danish news outlet is asking if a 5000 dkk fine is a big enough punishment (it really isnt in my opinion!) - and others are asking if we can honestly say that this is only a few bad apples

Yes I saw this video yesterday. No training here, just pure frustration and taking it out on the horse.

Unfortunately animal cruelty laws are usually a slap on the wrist and that's a pretty universal thing.

Is it just a few bad apples? Definitely not, I've seen people of all ages and levels do stuff like this (and consequently nothing was done about it). While I suppose it would depend on your definition, its too common for me to just accept that.

Unfortunately this particular type of abuse is pretty easy to fall into due to how emotions can quickly turn negative pressure into positive punishment, and then just straight beating for no good reason because the horse isn't doing exactly what the rider thinks they are asking them to do.

Whips are not designed to be weapons but they can quickly become weapons if a rider can't keep their emotions in check.

Interesting thing that always catches my mind when I see this stuff, is that none of these people live in a bubble. In fact it's pretty hard to be in the competitive side of the industry and live in a bubble. I go to maybe 5 shows a year and don't compete at an especially high level and lots of people at least recognize me, if not know me by name and reputation (especially in the local circuits).

Plus if you are planning to compete to that level, your ticket in is to ride with other people who have been successful at that level. Charlotte got her training, connections, sponsors, and horses from Carl Hester before she became a big name herself. I seriously doubt that Charlotte's behavior is hers and hers alone. I think she learned it from others.

When it comes down to it, anyone associated with anyone in the scandals have been awful quiet on the whole thing. Carl hadn't said a word on the situation with Charlotte, Ingrid Klimke (who i generally admire the horsemanship of) hasn't said a word on Helgstrand even though she has done business with him many times. For the few that have piped up, it usually seems like a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Isabelle Werth for example went on a whole welfare soapbox, meanwhile she was actually one of the pros that can be credited for normalizing the use of Rolkur for training. Most will say it started with Anky or Gal but Isabelle was toting it as a training tool well before those two were outed

[ominous-feychild]

✦ POWER TIER LIST ✦

So, yesterday I made a poll asking people whether or not I should share my in-universe(!!!) tier list for how powerful characters are, and the results are overwhelmingly biased toward "yes"! You guys are really so sweet, idk if I deserve it. 🥺😭

To begin with, some context: this tier list was in-universe created by the Existential gods! They're kinda the "top dogs" of them all, wielding so much power that they're able to all but command the "lesser gods" (axiom) around! Except... they don't.

The Existentials are playing a game of war with the world, and all they demand of axiom is that they cooperate in their games. (For a more in-depth explanation of any of this, send an Ask!)

So, in simpler words: this "tier list" was created by them to be able to place their chesspieces (aka, the people working for them / "avatars") on there and understand their strength relative to the others. It's used both for bragging rights--a certain Existential has three S tiers--and to be able to be used as a shorthand to understand who would win in a fight. Hence why it came to mind for this, haha.

FIGHTS AREN'T ONE-DIMENSIONAL!

Certain types of magic can negate others. Some terrains--or situations in general--will be favored by certain kinds of magic users (MUs), while they'll hinder others. On that note, those situations can tip the favor in the advantage of a MU in a lower tier.

This tier list is used to gauge a MU's power level relative to each other rather than who would win in a direct fight. Due to this, some infamously terrifying MUs may be in a lower tier than they "should" be, because their power is less directly applicable in a fight. Tiers are registered by definition, not "vibes".

MUs can advance into higher tiers given time and dedicated training--they're not stagnant. However, a MU originating in a lower tier is highly unlikely to reach a high tier.

TIER S - DO NOT ENGAGE reserved for magic users whose presence almost absolutely guarantees victory for whomever they're fighting for. For one reason or another, they are able to account for and cover just about any and all weaknesses they have with another of their talents. Typically can take on large groups of similarly powerful individuals or at least five (5) Tier As by themselves. Otherwise, they can be able to completely control or neutralize the abilities of at least three (3) Tier As or axiom.

Example(s):

Quinn, Fate's avatar (Fate / Water) He is capable of seeing all of time--past, present, and the current path the future will take--at every moment, no matter what. They're pressed into his mind, forcing him to watch the timeline and allowing him to plan out things centuries in advance. If he would lose a battle, he could just avoid it. His presence guarantees victory partially because he simply wouldn't show up if he'd lose. In the niche case that someone actually attempts to fight him, Quinn is an extremely competent Water MU who's constantly accompanied by storms that give him his element to fight with. On top of his competence, he's able to plan his actions prior to the fight to minimize received damage while maximizing his output. In-universe, Quinn's very presence is considered a bad omen. Even if he's not around to pick a fight, he's coming with bad news, or even accidentally bringing a flood. He's known by the Existentials to be lenient--if you're in his way, he'll give you the chance to move if he know you'll take it. And by Existence--you better.

There are no main characters who will ever reach this point... for very obvious reasons. Similarly, each S-tier has been alive for hundreds of years and their experience is a good part of why they're so high up.

TIER A - the biggest threats extremely competent MUs who are able to take on large groups of similarly powerful individuals by themselves. Can't compare to Tier S, but are significantly better than Tier B.

Example(s):

N/A No known (by you) characters fall into this tier. Once again--this is for practical storytelling reasons. If they were this powerful, they'd kinda be able to do whatever they want. This tier list was literally (in-universe) created by the most powerful gods. It's going to be skewed.

TIER B - threatening strong MUs who are able to take on large groups of mortals or similarly unprofessional (not trained by immortals/someone associated) individuals by themselves. No non-avatar or similarly unaffiliated individual should be able to take them down by themselves. One (1) Tier B should be able to handle at least three (3) Tier Cs by themselves. If they are not capable in a fight, they must otherwise be powerful enough to control or neutralize other individuals efficiently.

Example(s):

Adilzhan, Zhrizn's berserker (nature / {REDACTED})

Valyarus Fenastra, unaligned faerie (law)

TIER C - powerful competent MUs who can take on large groups (21+) of unpowered individuals. Can sometimes, but not always in a disadvantagous matchup, take on groups of weakly powered individuals. One (1) Tier C should be able to handle at least three (3) Tier Ds by themselves. If they are not capable in a fight, they must otherwise be able to neutralize or control powerful individuals of an equal or higher Tier.

Example(s):

Daleira Fenastra, unaligned faerie ({REDACTED})

Ponderosa, unaligned spirit (storm)

Bolyui; fae spirits (species || variable)

Kieran Caron, unaligned berserker ({REDACTED})

Nikolai Borisyuk, Ertzat's avatar (ice / {REDACTED})

TIER D - competent MUs who are able to take on medium-sized groups (7-20) of individuals on their own; typically capable of fighting back groups of weakly powered individuals as well, but not always. One (1) Tier D should be able to handle two to three (2-3) Tier Es on their own. Otherwise, they should be able to weaken large groups of individuals singlehandedly.

Example(s):

Rieka, {REDACTED} (blood)

"Crow", unaligned human (shadow / antimagic)

Freya Ula, unaligned {REDACTED} ("sun")

Gene {REDACTED}, unaligned human ({REDACTED}) (yes... 7-year-old Gene who begins the series! Unfortunately, kid doesn't even know he has magic, so he only ever uses it subconsciously! Wonder why all this weird stuff happens around him, hmmmm...)

TIER E - capable MUs who are able to take on a small groups (3-7) of individuals on their own; should be able to win in a one-on-one fight against untrained MUs. If you're unsure if they can, are you certain you want to register them as an avatar?

Tazin {REDACTED}, unaligned human (fire / healing)

WIP! Posting early so I can connect this to the OG poll when it closes! If you'd like to see this when the examples are done, you can follow the post and check back tomorrow!

Otherwise, I'm tagging everyone on my worldbuilding tag list when I'm done, haha. Feel free to ask to be added!

Dividers from @firefly-graphics

[bisluthq]

You want to know why people have a really sour taste on their mouth? So far the only person that said the fan died before the show was taylor. Everyone was saying she died mid cruel summer, but what was brought up yesterday through various witnesses and video from livestreams was that she collapsed mid cruel summer, they kept trying to reanimate her for 40 minutes and the ambulance came during the *evermore set*.

the only statement they had to show on national television is just not true at all, but because she said it and people believed it, it feels like the entire fandom is trying to gaslight us for just pointing out the real order of events.

Yeah, I mean the order of events is important because it shows the venue’s negligence. The medics there should have called an ambulance far quicker, and this could’ve possibly been avoided. It’s not Taylor’s fault - she can’t control the weather or venue policies or competence and tbf she did keep telling the venue to fetch water for fans right like she did ask the organizers to provide water like live so she was trying to prevent problems but she should’ve had the correct facts and she absolutely should have reached out to the family immediately. I know a lot of people are saying she shouldn’t so as not to admit negligence on her part and not be held financially liable but like that’s not making sense to me because I think she absolutely should have paid? Like why were Brazilian Swifties having to sort out costs for transporting Ana like why didn’t Taylor? I am generally fairly au fait with law stuff and this is just not making sense to me because I fail to see how Taylor can have criminal charges leveled at her for this because she was in no way responsible for it and if they sue her civilly (I don’t think they will because they didn’t have money to transport the body like I doubt they have money for a civil court case against Taylor Swift which is kinda unlikely to stick) then worst case would be she pays which like… she should’ve just done.

[smowkie]

i was tagged by @lena221bee and @novemberhush, thanks guys 💗🥰

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope

2. When was the last time you cried?

uh, yesterday i think, when i watched an FBI episode. i cry easily

3. Do you have kids?

i do not.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i wouldn't say a lot, but i do use it

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

i have no idea tbh. surface level things, what they look like, their general body language, stuff like that i guess, but it's different with every new person i meet, so i can't say just one thing

6. What’s your eye colour?

hazel, i believe is the correct answer in english. they're like greygreenblueyellow-ish

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

had it been some years ago i'd have said scary movies with happy endings, because i used to love scary movies, but i've gotten so easily scared with age, so now i can only answer happy endings.

8. Any special talents?

nah, nothing special

9. Where were you born?

Sweden

10. What are your hobbies?

they used to be horses and drawing and reading books and art in general, but these days they're more like watching tv-shows and spending time on tumblr and not writing xD

11. Do you have any pets?

@lokemycat =)

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

i played the horse sports when i was younger. even had my own horse for a while, though i never really competed in anything, so it was more hobby riding than sport riding i guess

13. How tall are you?

178 centimeters or 5 feet 10 inches

14. Favorite subject(s) in school?

100% depended on the teacher, never on the subject. i hated math the most but then i got a good teacher and math was suddenly fun. but i think if i have to choose one for the subject alone, i'm gonna say art, which also happens to be the least school-y subject of them all x'D

15. Dream job?

i don't know. probably the same as before, with books, like a library assistant or something, but right now i never want to work again

i am tagging @veltana @crazyassmurdererwall @thor-ohdamnsonn @yodas-yo-yo and anyone else who wants to do this

[dollycas]

Sunday Salon / Sunday Post – A Week in the Life of Dollycas – Weekly Rewind – New Arrivals

The Sunday Salon is a Facebook group that has become an informal week-in-review gathering place for bloggers. It is also a place to share our thoughts about things of a bookish nature. You can also link up weekly on Readerbuzz. The Sunday Post is a weekly meme hosted by Kimberly @ Caffeinated Book Reviewer ~ It’s a chance to share news~ A post to recap the past week on your blog, showcase books and things we have received, and share news about what is coming up on our blog for the week ahead. HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE! I am not sure what is happening, but lately, I can't stay up as late to read, which is really messing with my schedule. Also since I took July 4 off I feel like I am chasing my tail to get caught up on my emails. Then, on Tuesday I was supposed to have a quick check-in with my radiation oncologist and then have my Zometa infusion to help prevent damage to my bones that can occur after cancer treatments. The check-in went great but when I went to have my infusion I found out my labwork showed my magnesium count was low. So after the quick 15-minute infusion, they started an IV of magnesium which has to have an extremely slow diluted flow so I wouldn't get an upset stomach. More than 2 1/2 hours later the procedure was complete. Missing most of the day put me even further behind. Wednesday I thought I was getting a handle on my work so I wrapped up my day on time to go to Thomas's last baseball game of the season. What a great time. He was so funny. When he came up to bat he shouted to us "I think I have a blister on my foot".  Then he hit the ball like a champ and ran the bases favoring his foot. When he went to the dugout his mom went to check it out and she found he had not put on the right socks. She quickly took off her socks for him to wear. He went to play in the field still favoring his foot, but his next time up to bat he shouted "it doesn't hurt anymore". I wish I had a tape of the funny voice he used. He had everyone laughing. So baseball ended on a high note with a win. Soccer practice started the next day. Both he and Charlotte will be playing soccer with their parents coaching. Those matches should be fun to watch. Friday night we hit the road to watch Remi play in a baseball tournament. The mosquitoes were out in full force. The boys were dancing and swatting on the field even after being sprayed with bug spray. Those of us on the sidelines were doing the same. They lost the game (we are blaming the bugs) but we went back yesterday for 2 more games. It was a hot one, full sun, high 80's, humid, with an occasional breeze. They lost the 1st one 10-9 and won the second 10-4. Remi pitched in both games and with some strikeouts. He also played center field and shortstop. I have to keep reminding myself this is the first year he has played and he is at the same level as the other kids. Mr. Dollycas says he is a natural athlete and Daughter #1, his mom, says he gets the skills from her. No matter where he got the skills he and his teams have been so much fun to watch. This may have been the last games with football starting soon but his coach said they have been invited to a tournament in August. The powers that be will have to decide if they will compete. On the way home from the games Remi and his parents stopped to get Papa John's Pizza and Dunkin' to celebrate and Remi slammed his finger in the door at Dunkin'. A trip to urgent care, thankfully not broken, but sprained, it looks like it hurt. Today, I will be hitting the emails again and taking some more steps to get caught up on everything. How was your week? Weekly Rewind - July 8 - 13, 2024 Monday - Sunday Salon / Sunday Post – A Week in the Life of Dollycas – Weekly Rewind – New Arrivals Tuesday - A Whale of a Murder: A Venus Bixby Mystery by Valerie Taylor #Review / #Giveaway – Great Escapes Book Tour @valerietaylorauthor @ValerieETaylor Wednesday - Cozy-ish Wednesday featuring Murder on Devil’s Pond (A Hummingbird Hollow B&B Mystery) by Ayla Rose #Review / #Giveaway @WendyTyson @AylaRose Thursday - One Big Happy Family: A Novel by Jamie Day #Review @StMartinsPress Friday - Murder by Lamplight (A Dr. Julia Lewis Mystery) by Patrice McDonough #Spotlight / #Giveaway @KensingtonBooks Saturday - Special Guest – Lawrence E. Rothstein – Author of Venetian Bind #AuthorInterview / #Giveaway Plus - Special Guest Nupur Tustin Author of Bearer of Secrets: An Art Heist Mystery (Celine Skye Psychic Mystery Series) #Author Interview #Giveaway @ntustinauthor Have an Awesome Week Everyone! Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent Read the full article

[owlixx]

Comics I Read Yesterday

Moon Knight ‘16-‘18

So, Marvel Unlimited is weird. They count 3 very distinct runs here as one big run. The ‘16 Lemire run was pretty fun because the tv show clearly rips it off but the comic is of course way better. But then yesterday I finally got through to the end of the ‘17 Bemis run about fighting Amon Ra/Sun King which was fine, I guess, but not on the same level. And then that turned into the ‘18 Bemis run which started by revealing an insane version of how Marc Spector developed his split personalities that seemed a little over the top edgy to me, so I put it down.

In the end, I like Moon Knight. He’s cool. But now I know to be a bit more skeptical of Marvel Unlimited’s comic issue collections and just put a series down if it suddenly changes art style and writing style in a direction I don’t like. And I also wanted to put this down so I could get cracking on the long list of good, short series ahead of me.

Contest of Champions ‘82

This was just kind of a silly, fun one. Very early crossover, of course. Only 3 issue. It was apparently supposed to be a tie-in for the Olympics until the US pulled out in ‘80. That explains the focus on now-obscure international and why they must compete “at all four corners of the Earth”. Very simple, very straightforward. Not a ton of questioning the nature of the competition or nitty gritty about the rules, just some toe-dipping into “hey wouldn’t it be neat if X met Y”. It is very funny to see these all-powerful deities drafting for their team and leaving out Hulk/Thor so they can instead take “Le Peregrine” or whoever so more countries can be included. And the contest itself is so silly - just lay hands on a golden object that’s…nearby. Easy read since it’s so short, but so funny that there’s a sequel and a whole phone game based on this and that it’s really the template for a lot of these crossovers.

Secret Wars ‘84

This one I was much more looking forward to. I love Symbiote Spider-Man, although we really just get the design and origin here. Overall this was a lot of fun, much more fleshed out than Contest of Champions. I really liked the dynamic of villains vs heroes vs xmen vs galactic. I also liked that they didn’t just play the game here, and instead Doom tried to break the rules. Also I just generally like Doom and he was pretty cool in this one. I think I had only ever read the last issue as a kid since my dad owned it physically so it was nice to finally make sense of how Cap broke his shield, plus the general events leading up to the finale. I also really liked when they were stuck under the mountain and all combined tech and powers to soup up Iron Man for one big laser. I think the weakest part of this was the weird Jonny Storm/Colossus love triangle with the local alien healer woman. It was funny also though how the villains included respectable names such as Doom, Galactus, Kang, Doc Ock, Lizard, but then also people like Absorbing Man and Wrecking Ball who have really faded into obscurity. Also fun to see what seemed like the origin of Titania! Surely her backstory has been retconned to not be “in the 80s, a chunk of Denver was pulled into a planet arena and Doom gave magic powers to two random women off the street”. Also cool to see Rhodey in the Iron Man suit and Monica Rambeau Captain Marvel! Certain unsavory folk would have you believe that such characters only started to exist like, a year ago. Also I switched from reading on just my phone to busting out my foldable laptop and reading these in portrait mode on it. The Marvel Unlimited web interface is a nightmare, so it’s best used in tandem with the app, but it’s fine once you’re actually inside the comic you want and boy does it look good on a larger-than-life screen.

Kitty Pryde and Wolverine ‘84

This one was a lot of fun! Seems like this is where the name Shadowcat comes from as far as I can tell? I really liked how small-scale and personal this was, especially coming off the heels of Secret Wars. I would imagine that at the time, this kind of intimate, personal story was a little less common, but that’s just me guessing. I genuinely wasn’t sure how this was going to go, which is a lot of fun. I do always think there’s something kind of inherently funny about Wolverine being a weeaboo, but it’s not a problem or anything.

[whatisshelties]

Yesterday someone proposed a scent work practice meet up to take place this morning, so I jumped on that. I had sworn off taking both dogs to one of these, but Anza has really turned on to scent work at home and at my parent's house, so I took both dogs.

Anza definitely needs more field trips if I even want to even consider trialing her. I think I should be aiming for one outing a week with her. She did eventually work and find some hides this time, when last time I tried her at one of our meet ups, I got nothing. I think the hides this morning were a little challenging for her with that level of environmental distraction, so I need to start with some easier searches. Build more confidence in her job.

She's so sensitive and absolutely can not be pressured into working. She just quits. I think in barn hunt she would catalog instead communicating where the rat was, so I assume that's what I'd get at a scent work trial if she was stressed. She's never cared for trial environments, but in theory, scent work should have the lowest stress trial set up. So I am hoping we could at least work up to that type of show.

The situation I've been dealt kind of sucks as far as dog sports (especially agility) go. My competition dog seems to be constantly injured or sick and now I've been "rehomed" a dog that doesn't like competitions or other dogs. I don't think she's fully sound either, so she's not worth working through the trial stress for agility. If she actually can compete in scent work, at least there's something for us to do together and I won't feel so much longing for a new dog.

I feel like I'm seeing more and more of a fun dog in her these days, but I want her to show me that fun dog everywhere, not just at home.

[theselfdoubtdiaries]

Dear Zoe – lots going on in my head at the moment (you may say always!)….and along with that – the butterflies in my stomach and the shortness of breath. You know the familiar feelings of anxiety ? Anyway, just trying to ride that out ...well what else can one do? Along with all the usual things that I know will help. Walking, writing and just pausing a while….hitting pause on the noise in my head is essential.

So, writing a blog post today is a useful exercise on so many levels!

Yesterday I finally got my hands into some clay (both the stuff in the garden AND the stuff in the studio!) Sometimes just making helps calm those jittery feelings …..I guess it’s the mindfulness of that making the fact that it needs my concentration – that’s the whole premise of the workshops that I’ve been running after all. So I guess I ought to practise what I preach.

The reality of course is that my brain is overflowing with all the things that I need to think about and do (on various fronts….home life, house, and family, garden project, and of course in the studio there are myriad projects as well – it’s not just one thing after all!)

I had a revelation in the garden yesterday as I was pottering around….I always think about the Competing Demands of life ….but maybe they are not so much in competition as I thought….? I have noticed of course the influences crossing over. The work in the yard /garden is all about the materials to hand. Stone, brick, remnants and shards, building rubble etc. And as you’ll have noticed these have found their way more and more into my work….As I was mocking up an arrangement outside my studio in the autumn light with the beautiful yellow leaves in the background it dawned on me that my art practise permeates ALL things that I do. Of course, as artists we never really stop do we? How could we switch off our curiosity and our way of seeing things in the world? It’s pretty obvious I know but it’s a revelation that let’s me off the hook from feeling guilt about now “making’ in a formal sense in the studio… I realise finally that I am always making!! eureka!

I showed you some of my impromptu and incidental installations in my garden/yard. I guess at the time I had thought of them as simply a bit of play….but of course...(and this is a quote I have pinned to my wall after all) The Play IS the work.

So here is a pic of one of these installations using found materials and exploring negative space and relations between things; alongside the usual themes I like to explore of ritual and memorialisation and the patina of the old! Architectural elements and voids….So now it sounds like Real Art right? With a capital A! Instead of just me mucking around in the yard! Go figure. Feeling better now (coffee and cake whilst writing in one of the places where I go when I simply cannot focus at home). That’s a good technique too. :)

These are my thoughts for the day...

F x

[iloveabunchofgames]

#JakeReviewsItch

As We Know It

by Jaime Scribbles Games, PMscenarios

Price (US): $14.99

Included In: Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality

Genre: Visual Novel

Pitch: Can love bloom in an underground bunker?

My expectations: Most of the visual novels I've reviewed have been extremely light on player input, so it's heartening that five of the 14 screenshots along the side of the Itch listing show some decision being made. They've also included a screenshot of the settings screen, which is a baffling choice. Did they envision a potential customer thinking, "I don't know. This game looks pretty good, but I'm not reaching for my credit card until I see visual proof that it has separate sliders for music and sound volume."

The developers asked for $2,500 on Kickstarter and ended up with closer to $3,000, which isn't that much money for a six-person team, but it's a heck of a lot better than your typical indie visual novel budget.

Review:

It’s sometime in the future. If fighting over scraps doesn’t kill you, the sandstorms will.

But things are looking up for Ashlynn and her mom. Or rather, down. They’ve been accepted into the underground bunker of Camden, where the showers are cold and the conversations are steamy.

In theory, at least. I completed four in-game weeks—about an hour and a half—and despite earning a few relationship points, none of the encounters with my fellow eligible bunker-dwellers seemed to be going anywhere.

My worklife fell into a similar rut. A cup of coffee in the morning, followed by a day of cleaning and filing at the clinic. There was a bit of excitement when a stomach virus hit our closed society, but two days later, we were right back to the old routine.

As We Know It is flat, repetitive, and devoid of character. Whatever intrigue there might be in the premise of love in the post-apocalypse is undone by pedestrian writing. Is there political corruption in the heart of Camden, or are good leaders sometimes forced to make bad calls? What are we willing to trade for security? The game raises big questions, but I’m not sticking around for answers.

+ Lots of choices. Most of the time it's easy enough to predict the outcome a choice will have, and it's easy to back up and choose again if you're not satisfied—helpful when trying to romance a particular character. + Outside of occasional comma splices, the writing is grammatically solid—a rarity in the world of indie visual novels. + Generally clean and competent presentation. I wasn't wowed by the audio or visuals, but everything is fine. + Big, bold character names at the top of text boxes, so it's always clear who's talking. (Okay, I'm really only mentioning this because I forgot to say something yesterday, when I reviewed a visual novel where there was rarely any indication about who was speaking.)

– Characters have personality traits, but they don't have personality. There's no life in these words. – Everyone has one pose, with changing facial expressions. Characters are drawn with slightly exaggerated features, but they're still pretty close to human proportions. The faces need to be a lot bigger. Subtly shifting eyebrows and lips aren't enough to create visual interest when most of the screen is filled with static backgrounds and static bodies. – The relationship point system is unintuitive. I'll share an emotional, flirty scene with a character and not see any change in my score. I'll bump into that character in the hallways and keep walking, and suddenly our love level has jumped up 20%...which doesn't seem to affect how we act or the things we discuss. – When welcoming newcomers to the city, the mayor talks about earning beads that can be traded for luxury items. Where's that game? How about a little life management and simulation in this dating sim? Instead, jobs are just a couple of mandatory, repetitive text boxes each day, and you're always provided with whatever you need, without any budgeting or decisions to be made. Boooring.

🧡🧡🤍🤍🤍 Bottom Line: Given the choice between life on the surface or returning to As We Know It, I'll take my chances with the sandstorms, thanks.

#JakeReviewsItch is a series of daily game reviews. You can learn more here. You can also browse past reviews...

• By name • By rating • By genre

[jujumin-translates]

Event | the Rad Red | Epilogue: Longing Red

Tenma: …

Taichi: Ten-chan, c’mere~…

Taichi: Saved a spot for you over on the edge here…

Tenma: Sorry about that. Hey, what’s with your voice?

Taichi: I gave it my all singing at yesterday’s finale and kinda wrecked my voice~...

Tenma: Yeah, that’s inevitable if you do that…

Tenma: Here, try this, it's good on the throat. I carry it all the time.

Taichi: Huh~, honey? I’ll give it a try.

Taichi: …

Taichi: Hm? Huh?

Taichi: This really is good!

Tenma: Still doesn’t mean you should be pushing yourself too hard.

Taichi: Thanks for the pro tip, Ten-chan!

Tenma: The live music at the end of the Autumn Troupe play was really good. It really raised the quality of the show overall.

Tenma: It’s amazing that you were able to perfect the band to that level, and I think that you were only able to get the best out of it because you were the lead, Taichi.

Taichi: Ehehe, thanks!

Tenma: I went with the rest of Summer Troupe to see it and Yuki praised it too. Kazunari and Kumon were making a huge fuss while being all emotional over the whole thing.

Tenma: Muku said some of the band stuff reminded him of a guy from a shoujo manga and Misumi was completely fixated on the guitar picks being triangles.

Taichi: Ahaha! I’m glad you all liked it!

Tenma: It was different to see you with black hair instead of red hair, Taichi. But I don’t think it had anything to do with the difference in flashiness.

Tenma: It had more to do with seeing how amazing your presence was when you were leading the band with your passion for music.

Taichi: Ten-chan…

Taichi: (I’m glad that Ten-chan, of all people, recognized that.)

Taichi: (I used to just dye it from black to red to compete with Ten-chan when he was starring in all those drama shoots…)

Taichi: (I don’t need to do that anymore. Now it’s purely just my identity.)

Taichi: Have you ever wanted to change your hair color from what it is now, Ten-chan?

Tenma: My hair color?

Tenma: I’ve never really thought about it because I’m happy with the way it is now…

Tenma: But I’d change it to whatever color I’d need it to be for a role. That’s just an actor’s nature, y’know?

Taichi: …Yeah!

Taichi: (That’s right… I’ll keep dyeing my hair to be the “Taichi Nanao” I wanna be.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Azami: Wrapping up the play run at this place again, huh.

Omi: We came here for the 8th performance too, didn’t we?

Director: We’ve been coming here so often…

Banri: We’re like regulars, aren’t we?

Juza: Coulda gone to Zen-san’s restaurant…

Taichi: We get to eat a whole Manchu-Han Imperial Feast when we come here, so why wouldn’t we!

Rento: Well, s’not like we get Chinese food often so, I’m all for it.

Manager: That’s right~. Plus, we can eat here without worrying about the price and Furuichi-san’s gaze~.

Azami: Knew it was just because of the budget.

Sakyo: Just shut up and eat.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taichi: Are you gonna drink, Juza-san? I heard that the fruit wine here is really good~.

Juza: Nah, I shouldn’t, if I drink too much I’ll get drunk…

Taichi: It’ll be fine~!

Azami: Why are you trying to get him drunk?

Taichi: I wanna see the Juza-san who praises me for the performance!

Azami: You’re just greedy.

Rento: Uuuue… Truly a god of all gods! I’m in the presence of a god of arrangements!

Director: So this is what Rento-san is like when he’s drunk.

Omi: His baseline adoration had gone up to a whole other level.

Rento: How are you able to make arrangements like a god!?

Manager: Ahaha, they’re really not that good~.

Rento: You are THE god…!

Banri: Whatcha drinking, Sakyo-san?

Sakyo: Since we’re here, might as well try some Chinese alcohol.

Banri: Never heard of it before.

Sakyo: The alcohol content is high, so drink it in moderation.

Manager: Furuichi-saaan! Pleeeease listen to Kinozaki-kun about all my accomplishments! And please give me a raise!

Sakyo: Haah? Tch, I’m coming over by you now, don’t yell.

Banri: …Whoa, damn this is strong.

Taichi: Is it good, Ban-chan?

Banri: Hm? Ain’t bad.

Taichi: Whoa…

Banri: Don’t start askin’ me questions like you’re one of my relative’s kids or somethin’.

Taichi: Ahaha!

Taichi: I’m really glad we were able to make the best song ever for this. And it’s all thanks to you, Ban-chan.

Taichi: It was fun to hang out in the studio like that. It was like we were real teenagers in a band.

Banri: I really thought the lyrics you wrote were legit good, Taichi.

Banri: As for the play, I really liked the surprisingly subtle emotions you had.

Banri: When you played Daichi, I thought you had really detailed facial expressions when we faced each other on stage.

Banri: Even from a production standpoint, I loved seeing you take on the challenge of playing a role that was super different from your usual self.

Banri: I guess there’s just some roles that only you can play because of what you’ve been through.

Taichi: Hehe, I’m happy to hear that from you, Ban-chan~.

Rento: Y’all put on a great live and performance!

Rento: Not to mention that the godly arrangement, the melody, and the lyrics were all great! It’s a sound that y’all could’ve only created ‘cause of who you are now.

Taichi: Thanks!

Banri: I learned a little bit about composing from this, so maybe I’ll be able to look into it more with Rento-san for the next performance.

Rento: Lookin’ forward to it!

Rento: Ooh, you’re drinkin’ some good alcohol there. This one’s good too~.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Juza: Fuu…

Omi: Did you drink too much?

Juza: Nah, but I ate too much.

Banri: Every time we come here, you always eat too many sesame dumplings.

Juza: Shut it. This time I had more annin tofu.

Banri: Pft… Hahahaha! So you had even more than usual. Fuckin’ dumbass. Hahaha!

Taichi: Ban-chan seems to be more giggly than usual.

Omi: He must be drunk.

Sakyo: As I figured, the Chinese alcohol was too strong for Settsu.

Taichi: This kind of Ban-chan is interesting too.

Director: Banri-kun has a high tolerance, so it’s rare to see him drunk.

Director: When you turn 20, you’ll be able to make a toast with Sakyo-san and the others who can drink, Taichi-kun.

Taichi: That’s true~... Man, I feel a little older just think~ing about it!

Director: Ahaha, is that so?

Taichi: When I first joined the troupe, Sakyo-nii seemed way more mature than me and also seemed more distant from me, but…

Taichi: My impression of him has changed since we’ve been on stage together a lot and gotten to know each other more.

Taichi: But there is one think that I’ve always admired about Sakyo-nii and the other Autumn Troupe members ever since the first performance.

Taichi: Everyone has their own passionate feelings inside that are burning like a bright red flame.

Taichi: The bright red color that I love so much is also the color that each and every Autumn Troupe member has.

Director: Red is the color of Autumn Troupe, huh? I guess it really is.

Director: (I’ve had this thought before, but Taichi-kun really is becoming a more and more wonderful young man by the day.)

Director: (I’m looking forward to seeing him grow up to be just as wonderful of an adult as he is now, with that same bright red hair.)

Taichi: I wonder if I’d be more popular if I became a man who looks hella fine drinking.

Director: I’m glad to see that same Taichi-kun-like way of thinking hasn’t changed at all.

Taichi: Popularity is one of my most important motivators after all!

[ ⇠ Previous Part ]

[yellowocaballero]

Obi-Wan’s a teen dad and Anakin DESPERATELY wants to do crime

A week after Obi-Wan formally took Anakin as his padawan, he left his quarters.

It hadn’t been Obi-Wan’s intention to spend a week lying in bed - or, at times, lying on the living room floor. Or staring blankly at the stove, or holding a toothbrush as he forgot what he was supposed to do with it. It had been his intention to handle the new...arrangements. Put on a brave face. Take care of business. There was so much to do, and Obi-Wan really did want to do it. But he stood in front of the stove staring at its knobs instead, lost.

Anakin had been a good sport about it, at least. He figured out alarmingly quickly how to work the stove and fry up the sliced fruit in their cupboards. Anakin didn’t understand that you didn’t fry fruit, but Obi-Wan ate it with little complaint. He put food in front of Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan ate it. When Anakin asked him, somewhat fearfully, how to use the shower, Obi-Wan showed him and then took one himself. After the third day he left the living quarters semi-frequently, which would have been worrying if Obi-Wan cared.

Obi-Wan’s depressed, grieving, and has an inferiority complex the size of an Alderaanian mountain. Anakin doesn’t know what’s happening, but he does know that the power grid failure was not his fault. Can Obi-Wan ever be a true Jedi and a competent master? Or is his backstory, as told by the Jedi Apprentice novels, too fucking weird?

Rest under the cut.

A week after Obi-Wan formally took Anakin as his padawan, he left his quarters. 

It hadn’t been Obi-Wan’s intention to spend a week lying in bed - or, at times, lying on the living room floor. Or staring blankly at the stove, or holding a toothbrush as he forgot what he was supposed to do with it. It had been his intention to handle the new...arrangements. Put on a brave face. Take care of business. There was so much to do, and Obi-Wan really did want to do it. But he stood in front of the stove staring at its knobs instead, lost. 

Anakin had been a good sport about it, at least. He figured out alarmingly quickly how to work the stove and fry up the sliced fruit in their cupboards. Anakin didn’t understand that you didn’t fry fruit, but Obi-Wan ate it with little complaint. He put food in front of Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan ate it. When Anakin asked him, somewhat fearfully, how to use the shower, Obi-Wan showed him and then took one himself. After the third day he left the living quarters semi-frequently, which would have been worrying if Obi-Wan cared. 

On day six, Obi-Wan worked up the energy to turn on his datapad, and was promptly bombarded with messages. They scrolled down the screen, a new one popping up every second. 

A lot of them were from his automated specialized education classes. Obi-Wan had finished the required padawan courses when he was sixteen, breezing through each course at his own pace virtually during downtime in transit and on missions. He had signed up for some Knight-level specialized education courses afterwards, loading as many on his plate as he could and managing special permission to complete them all virtually too. Apparently, he had a great deal of assignments due. 

Many messages from the Temple administration. Notification for mandatory forms to complete for requisitions, medical care...reports on the Naboo mission...a mountain of forms to complete for the promotion...a mountain of forms for the new padawan...a mountain of forms for processing Qui-gon’s death. 

Messages from his friends. How are you doing, Obi-Wan? Are you okay, Obi-Wan? Can we come over and talk, Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan, you stupid bastard, how dare you fight a Sith without me? 

Disturbingly, even the master of mission assignments had messaged him. Xe wanted to know if Obi-Wan was going to file for extended reprieve from missions to train his underage padawan in the Temple, or if he wanted to continue taking missions. Decide quickly, Knight Kenobi. Xe are willing to grant three years of light to no missions to help ‘facilitate Padawan Skywalker’s integration into the Jedi’.

The thought made Obi-Wan dizzy. No missions for years? He and Qui-Gon had barely gone weeks without a mission. But Obi-Wan had been thirteen, and Qui-Gon had a particular talent of taking an assignment to mediate standard legislative disputes and turn it into a three month embroilment in an endangered animal trafficking scheme. Staying stuck in the Temple for that amount of time made his skin crawl. Staying at home in the Temple so Anakin could integrate into the Jedi, become the Jedi he dreamed of...

Obi-Wan turned off the pad and tossed it across the room, letting it land on Qui-gon’s private meditation mat. Somehow, he couldn’t really bring himself to care. 

Five hours later, Obi-Wan dragged himself out of Qui-gon’s room to find Anakin lying on the floor with what looked like an entire droid disassembled over the carpet. He was kicking his feet in the air, lying on his stomach, stripping some frayed wire. 

Obi-Wan stared at him blankly, forms dancing behind his eyes. Anakin needed clothing. They had already processed him through his vaccinations - thank hell - and prescribed him some antibiotics for his multitude of intestinal parasites, but there was no way he was taking the pills. He needed to teach him how to braid the padawan braid. He needed to get them some food for the cabinets. He needed to…

“Are you hungry?” Obi-Wan rasped. His hair felt disgusting.

Anakin’s head snapped up, eyes widening. He scrambled off the rug, brushing a suspicious amount of dirt off his knees. “Yeah! I’ll make us that green thing!”

He shouldn’t let the nine year old work the stove. But Obi-Wan let him anyway, as he managed to somehow dump water in the kettle and place it on the stove, standing beside Anakin and waiting for it to whistle. 

I must be doing very well, Obi-Wan thought hysterically, as he stared at the old-fashioned durasteel kettle that Qui-gon had favored. He was releasing his emotions into the Force with perfection. He wasn’t feeling anything at all. He wasn’t thinking about Qui-gon. He wasn’t thinking about anything at all. His mind was clear and empty, and he was perfectly at peace. 

Obi-Wan tried to pour his tea, but he just couldn’t move. He stood and stared at the kettle for so long that Anakin eventually walked in and, straining on his tiptoes, sloshed the steaming water into the plastic white cup. 

***

On day seven, Obi-Wan managed to wrangle both himself and Anakin into some semblance of hygiene and clean clothes. Anakin needed a lot of help, which clearly embarrassed him, but Obi-Wan was too dead inside to be frustrated about it. 

He ended up tying his obi for him, as Anakin wriggled and tried to turn around to see it on the back. He’d have to show him how to do it himself later, but that was for later. 

“Why do I have to wear this?” Anakin whined. “It’s so heavy.”

“I’ll see if I can requisition you an outfit with less layers,” Obi-Wan said. A lighter outfit wouldn’t cut it, as Anakin had ramped up the temperature controls in their quarters a week ago and the rooms haven’t dipped below boiling ever since. “Hold still. Hold - hold still, please.”

“What does requisition mean?”

Anakin held still eventually. He managed to untie the obi in the first ten minutes, but Obi-Wan really couldn’t bring himself to care too much. Then they had to worry about brushing their teeth, and Obi-Wan had to teach him how to do that, and why was this so hard, why was everything so hard -

But when Obi-Wan eventually got them both out the door, he found no relief.The Temple felt different. Obi-Wan didn’t know how; just that it did. It was identical in every worldly way, yet mismatched in the Force. As if it was a different Temple, a pale echo from another dimension, that was the home of a different Obi-Wan. Or maybe Obi-Wan was different: maybe his Force signature was so warped and polluted that he tainted everywhere he went. 

They were all parts of the great whole of the Force. The Force was composed of every Jedi, every sentient being and eddy of wind. There were tens of thousands of Jedi in this Temple - how could the death of one man change it so thoroughly? Or had it just changed Obi-Wan?

Somewhat suspiciously, Anakin seemed to know the way out of the dormitories and into the main thoroughfare of the building. Obi-Wan kept a death grip on his little hand the entire time, slowing his steps so Anakin could keep up without having to jog. It didn’t stop him from trying to run forward every few steps, only for Obi-Wan to gently tug him back. 

“You weren’t supposed to run around the Temple by yourself,” Obi-Wan said flatly. Anakin grinned sheepishly, in what Obi-Wan was already beginning to recognize as his ‘Busted!’ face. 

“Why not?”

“You could have gotten lost.”

“I did get lost,” Anakin said proudly. “But then I found a secret service tunnel for the droids and I crawled through it and I found a server room and -” He stopped abruptly. “But that was way after the power outage yesterday. That I had nothing to do with.”

Obi-Wan...should probably care about this. 

He didn’t. He was too busy releasing his emotions into the Force, and returning his dark thoughts to the Force, and maintaining complete control over his body and spirit. There was no room in that for caring about Anakin, maybe, destroying the Temple.

Wasn’t he a teacher? Shouldn’t he be teaching?

“First rule of being a Jedi,” Obi-Wan said, exhausted, “learn to lie.”

There. That was a lesson. Qui-gon had said the same thing to him when he was fourteen. Obi-Wan was doing great at this. Anakin beamed and made a weird motion with his hand, clenching it into a fist and sticking his thumb out. Obi-Wan stared blankly at him until he put his hand down. 

Maybe it was because Obi-Wan was releasing all of his feelings and thoughts into the Force so well, but he couldn’t help but feel a constant prickling at the back of his neck. It felt like everybody was looking at them. A group of gossiping knights downright stopped talking when they saw Obi-Wan and Anakin approaching, and they broke out into whispers when they left. Padawans and initiates openly stared. Masters were too polite to stare, but their interest clearly peaked in the Force. 

By the time they got to the quartermaster’s and slid in line, Anakin was practically hiding behind Obi-Wan. Anakin had likely gone his entire life without anybody noticing him, blending into the background. Obi-Wan had learned almost a decade ago that it was a useful survival tactic for slaves. Although how he had ever done it, Obi-Wan would never know. The boy was a sun in the Force. Blinding and burnt, as broiling as the temperature he kept their quarters at. 

“Oh my. Padawan Kenobi, is that you?” Meela, the Quartermaster’s knight assistant, stopped and stared at both of them. She was carrying a large box of fabrics, and all of the other Jedi waiting in line stopped talking to crane their heads and stare too. “Oh! It’s knight now, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said, before coughing. He hadn’t realized his voice was so hoarse - he hadn’t spoken to anybody but a nine year old in a week. “It is a pleasure to see you again, Meela.”

“Of course,” Meela said quickly. She was looking openly at Anakin, who was pointedly looking at Obi-Wan’s belt. “And you must be Anakin Skywalker! I had no idea you were so young. Is he even old enough to be a padawan, Knight Kenobi?”

“We determined that the creche wasn’t the best place for him.” Obi-Wan quickly grabbed his datapad, brought up the catalogue of items to requisition, and shoved it Anakin. “Pick out what we’re going to get. I’m certain you must be very busy, Knight Meela, so -”

“My, Padawan Kenobi?”

Obi-Wan refrained from gritting his teeth, before rotating on his heel. He stuck his hands in his sleeves, bowing to the aged Togrutan Jedi behind him. “It is a pleasure to see you again, Master Hashi.”

“My condolences for your master’s death,” Master Hashi said sympathetically. His watery old blue eyes were large and perfectly pitying. “It must be so difficult for you. And taking on a padawan so soon after your knighthood, as well.”

“He’s with the Force now,” Obi-Wan said. Smiling. He was smiling. Turn it down. Just a gentle smile. Remember Rishi. “But I appreciate your condolences.”

As it turns out, half the line just needed to express condolences for Master Jinn’s death, how sad, how tragic, how avoidable. He was so young. Obi-Wan was practically sweating by the time they got to the quartermaster’s desk, at which point he was promptly told that he was missing three forms. 

Obi-Wan stood in front of the quartermaster’s desk, gripping Anakin’s hand in his, trying not to unwind. “But I filled out the application on the portal -”

“Yes, but you need your knight’s identification code,” the Quartermaster said briskly. “You input your padawan code.”

“How do I find out my knight’s identification code?”

“It should be on your identification card, son.”

“I was only knighted a week ago.” They were staring. They were all staring - “They haven’t issued me a card yet.”

“I’ll refer you to my assistant, Knight Kenobi.”

Anakin tugged on Obi-Wan’s sleeve. “Are we not getting my new clothing?”

A horrible tremor rose in Obi-Wan’s chest: a choking, sinking feeling. It crawled up his throat, making his trachea burn and his head pound. It felt like a balloon expanding, splintering his chest cavity and threatening to crack him apart. 

Everybody was watching. They could not see it. Think about Rishi. Do not let them see it. 

After fifteen humiliating minutes sitting at a sympathetic Meela’s desk, Obi-Wan finally managed to secure them some clothes. Anakin also received the standard pack of Jedi personal items, including his own toiletries and datapad. They secured an identification code for Anakin and input him into the database, and gave him his own lanyard and set of cards. Older Jedi tended to keep them in a hidden pocket in their robes, but for obvious reasons they affixed them to the neck of younger children. 

But, without the identification code and five hundred more hoops, Obi-Wan couldn’t request a new living quarters and new furniture. He thanked Meela for her time anyway, stopped Anakin from attempting to requisition a B900-A40 droid with HyperFlex specs, and escaped something as simple as the Quartermaster’s trying to avoid rattling apart. 

Obi-Wan only exhaled when they were outside, looking at his datapad and marking off the first line. The to-do list scrolled down the screen, and onto another page. Anakin was already shifting from foot to foot, bored. 

“One down,” Obi-Wan said. “Three more.”

“Do we have to?” Anakin whined. “Why were the other Jedi so mean?”

Obi-Wan stopped short. He looked down at Anakin, who was fiddling with his obi again. “Stop messing with that. And they weren’t being mean, Anakin, they were just concerned.”

But Anakin just wrinkled his nose. “They were being mean. They were making you feel bad.”

How had he even - “If you keep quiet through the errands, you can have some fruit for lunch at the commissary.”

“Wizard!”

****

It quickly became obvious that nobody approved of Obi-Wan and Anakin.

Whispers followed them everywhere. Masters, old friends of Qui-gon, subtly disapproved of his choices. Which was nothing new - Obi-Wan had silently suffered almost everybody in the Temple disapproving of Qui-gon to him for years - but somehow it made Obi-Wan want to tear his hair out. The knights - the other knights - expressed incredulity that somebody knighted that morning received a padawan that afternoon. The padawans refused to even talk to Anakin, and he very quickly stopped trying. 

Obi-Wan’s own friends...he did not have many. He was never in the Temple long enough to significantly interact or make connections with any other padawans or knights. He was never home for longer than a few weeks, and if he was planetside for longer than a month then it was because Qui-gon was recuperating from getting blown up when Obi-Wan hijacked a pirate ship and crash landed it on a small moon. 

He used to have friends. Bant and Garen and Reeft and Siri...but a small and horrible part of Obi-Wan hated talking to them. A conversation with them always felt like they were trying to communicate with an Obi-Wan who hadn’t existed for a very long time, crying out over an impassable canyon. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan had begun resenting people who saw through him. 

Anakin was a stubborn and implacable kid, but he was very perceptive. He clung tighter and tighter to Obi-Wan’s robes the further they walked into the temple, and eventually Obi-Wan had to disentangle him and give him a quick talk about appropriate behavior. It was his tenth talk to Anakin about appropriate behavior - about everything from using utensils to washing his hair - but this was the first time he seemed to understand why. 

“So they don’t like you if you don’t do all the dumb stuff they do?”

“It’s not dumb,” Obi-Wan hissed. “And keep your voice down, this is a library.”

Judging from Anakin’s impressed gawking, this was his first time in a library. He clearly didn’t understand why they were supposed to be quiet either, and Obi-Wan was beginning to understand that Anakin refused to do anything unless you gave him a reason. 

Obi-Wan carefully placed him in a small chair in the children’s section, in front of a brightly colored plastic table. Some other initiates were sitting around coloring, or working their way through children’s books. Anakin squinted up at him judgmentally as Obi-Wan frantically grabbed the clunky and friendly library datapad and scrolled through the catalogue until he found a likely suspect. Bugs of Rainforest Planets, light on the words, perfect. 

“Just stay here until I come back,” Obi-Wan whispered, after a hurried explanation of why they were quiet in libraries. “Don’t leave this chair. Please.”

“I want more fruit,” Anakin warned. 

“You will have more fruit. Now please don’t move.”

This was not how you Jedi masters taught padawans. This was not how it was supposed to work. Obi-Wan was not doing this right. He was doing this terribly. And everybody knew, and everybody was judging him.

The children’s librarian was a kind, plump older Twi’lek with long silver lekku down to her waist. Madame Hallan had been a personal favorite of Obi-Wan’s when he was a youngling, and he knew that she still had a soft spot for him. She was probably the only librarian who didn’t explicitly distrust him.

He easily kidnapped her for a meeting - or, maybe, she took one look at his face and kidnapped him - and she shepherded him into her office. He had never been inside, and Obi-Wan felt weirdly on the other end of the fence of his childhood. It was bright and cheerful and had datapads scattered everywhere with tax forms. 

“I understand you have a new padawan,” Madame Hallan said kindly. “I saw him reading. He seems like a wonderful boy.”

She and half the temple understood that he had a new padawan. “I need your help,” Obi-Wan said, excruciatingly impolitely. Since when was Obi-Wan impolite? Since when was he lost? “It’s Anakin - I need to enroll him for lessons and I need some introductory literature for him and -”

“Dear, you’ll want to talk to Master Ravenholme for that.” Master Ravenholme was the Master of Education, and personal blight of many. “He’ll likely ask Anakin to take a placement test to determine which classes he joins.”

“Anakin can’t take a placement test,” Obi-Wan said. “He can’t read.”

To Madame Hallan’s credit, and raising a lot of questions about what exactly the other Jedi knew about Anakin, she accepted the information with a thoughtful look and a nod. “Does he know his letters and some words, or is it total illiteracy?”

Obi-Wan scrubbed his face. He was perched in the uncomfortable metal chair across from her desk, elbows propped on his knees. “It’s sporadic. He’s not totally illiterate, and I think he can read mechanical instruction manuals and labels and signs and that sort of thing...if it has to do with starfighters, he can write the instruction manual...I don’t know, I haven’t checked, but I can’t send him to class like this…”

“Calm yourself, Obi-Wan. Release that tension into the Force. Let’s take this one step at a time,” Madame Hallan said firmly, as Obi-Wan carefully breathed. “I will schedule a  reading and writing assessment appointment for Anakin for an assessment. Knight Fu and Knight Kili are available to administer personal tutoring until we get him up to speed.” Fu and Kili were two teachers in the special education department, which was somewhat lean for children over the age of ten or so. Most of the ‘delayed’ children were quickly assigned to the Jedi Corp. Obi-Wan was highly educated on this, and shamefully bitter. “Now, doesn’t that sound like a plan?”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Good.” Madame Hallen typed something out on her computer, making Obi-Wan’s datapad ping. “I’ve sent you a few of the handbooks that we give new knights and first-time teachers. Hopefully they’ll be of some use to you.” She smiled reassuringly at him, oozing serenity. “I think you will make a wonderful teacher, Obi-Wan. Our Temple’s never seen a young Jedi as dedicated and hardworking as you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

 “And I’m certain that once you and Anakin get settled in, no matter where he came from, he will make an excellent student. We’re all Jedi here, after all.”

Betting was not Jedi-like behavior, despite the fact that Obi-Wan was a world-class betting champion on three Outer Rim worlds (there had been a diamond heist), but Obi-Wan would bet five hundred credits right now that Anakin was not in the chair where he had left him.

In the end, Obi-Wan was pleasantly surprised. Anakin, obviously, was not in the chair where Obi-Wan had left him, but he was within easy searching distance and hadn’t destroyed any droids yet. Instead, he had just meandered to the large picture encyclopedia propped up on a wooden stand, flipping through the flimsi with wide eyes. 

Obi-Wan stood next to him, unable to smile but amused all the same. “Do you know what that is?”

Anakin nodded fervently. “It’s an encyclopedia! The padawan guy said it has pictures of every smart species in the galaxy.”

There were, of course, digital databases for these things, but kids loved flipping through things. “Sentient species. Did you learn anything?”

“Yeah!” Anakin lingered on a picture of a Togruta before flipping further at light speed. “The padawan guy said that Qui-gon was a ‘rogue Jedi’ and that he taught you how to do crime and conquer planets and backflip and stuff.”

Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose. Hard. “Please don’t listen to Temple gossip, Anakin. It’ll jump down Coruscant while the truth takes an airlift.”

“But you can do backflips, I saw it.” Anakin turned to look at him - eyes wide, unjudging. “What does ‘rogue Jedi’ mean?”

What did it mean? Obi-Wan had spent half his life wondering. “It means that Qui-gon and I had a lot of adventures,” Obi-Wan said tactfully. “My training was somewhat unconventional in comparison with many other Jedi.”

But Anakin just beamed. “That’s so cool! Is my training going to be uncon - unconvectional?”

“Unconventional.” Obi-Wan sighed. “And at this point, I’m afraid so.”

Was Anakin going to resent him for this once he grew older? He must. Anakin would never be a real Jedi, a proper one. Just like Obi-Wan wasn’t. And Obi-Wan had spent almost a decade now frantically, fervently, desperately trying. He had done everything: mastered the art of saber-fighting, excelled in as many topics as he could. He was an expert in diplomacy, politics, ecology, and tactics. Everybody who met Obi-Wan found him charming, graceful, and handsome - and nobody who ever met Obi-Wan liked him. He topped his classes, was better at saberplay than most knights, and had personally saved the lives of three princesses and a memorable duchess, and he couldn’t figure out how to be a Jedi.

Obi-Wan couldn’t teach what he didn’t have. And he would never be able to give -

“Cool! I want to backflip and conquer planets too.” Anakin grinned up at him, yellow teeth flashing in the soft library lights. “I already know how to do crime, I’m really good at it!”

“Jedi have diplomatic immunity, so technically I’ve never done a crime,” Obi-Wan said, somewhat testily. 

“What’s diplomatic immunity?”

“Lesson number two, padawan, is that it means we can do whatever we want so long as we can justify it in the mission report.”

“Wizard!”

Maybe Obi-Wan should just never repeat anything Qui-gon had ever said to him. Ever. 

In a roundabout act of bribery, Obi-Wan finally led Anakin towards the cafeteria. It wasn’t lunchtime, but few Jedi strictly followed the guidelines of breakfast, lunchtime, and dinnertime. This was mostly because the creche and Initiates did, and nobody wanted to be in the cafeteria while children were everywhere. Obi-Wan was somewhat infamous in certain circles for braving the cafeteria at 0500 hours, when the space was completely overtaken by retired and venerated Masters sipping tea and playing intense grudge matches of shogi. Obi-Wan had been forced into the matter by his habit of waking up at 0430, but the shogi skills he learned had once settled a trade negotiation between two tribal groups with an ancestral grudge on a Mid-Rim planet, so he had no regrets.

Anakin was practically crushing his hand in excitement. His head whipped around everywhere, eyes wide and drinking in the sublimely banal and boring sight. There was the salad bar, there was the meat bar, there was the drink fountain...but to Anakin, it was the most amazing thing on Coruscant. It almost made Obi-Wan smile. When was the last time he had that expression on his face? Even the beautiful spires of Naboo were commonplace to him. 

“And they just -”

“Yes, they just give you the food.” Obi-Wan stopped in the center of the crowded thoroughfare - where, thankfully, everybody was far too focused on their meal or their friends to care about the Temple’s newest spectacle. “I’m sorry, Anakin. What do you...eat, again?”

Anakin suffered this atrocious act of caretaking patiently. What had he been eating until now? Just the self-stable noodles? Had he been handling boiling water?! “At home we ate jinjaraak and ekijun. People with money had fruit and stuff.” He looked around hopefully. “And they just give you fruit -”

“Right,” Obi-Wan said. He struggled to remember the food Shmi had served them. It had been mostly gruel. Obi-Wan had been around the block enough to see that she had been an adept cook of terrible ingredients. “Could you give me an idea of what those are?”

“Uh…” Anakin made little slapping motions with his hands. “Jinjaraak is from clay and lard and spices. I help Mom make little cakes. Like this, see?” At Obi-Wan’s dubious expression, he quickly clarified, “From the good clay. Near the dried up rivers. Not the bad clay. That stuff makes you sick. O’la’rek ate some of that and she got super sick and she barfed up blue -”

  “Let’s get you some fruit,” Obi-Wan said.

Anakin got as much fruit as he wanted. Obi-Wan was too busy thinking about what ‘good clay’ could possibly mean to stop him. He could take the extra back to their quarters, anyway. 

There was a line for medical diets, and Obi-Wan eventually shuffled an ecstatic fruit-chomping Anakin into that line. He had to present the script the Halls of Healing gave him to the friendly yet belaboured Padawan working the booth that day, and waited patiently as the Padawan squinted at it and ran off to go get his supervisor. Anakin was in Rylothian Heaven, complete with the trees of plenty. 

Eventually the supervisor shuffled out, and when Obi-Wan recognized Master Law he bowed. The gruff Patitite squinted at Obi-Wan, then down at the effervescent Anakin with jogan juice staining his sleeve. It was a good thing Obi-Wan thought ahead and ordered extra robes.

“Kenobi,” Master Law finally said, with an air of crisp memory. “Iron deficiency.”

“Yes, Master.” Please don’t remind him. “I’m here with a prescription for my -”

“And the Vitamin D deficiency. And malnutrition?” Master Law squinted further at Obi-Wan, as if half-convinced that he couldn’t possibly be remembering correctly. “I had you eating Lo’rok paste for a month.”

“Yes, Master. After I was stationed on Neskar.”

“How the blazes was a Padawan stationed on -” Master Law cut himself off abruptly, staring down at Anakin instead. He looked him up and down with sharp eyes, seemingly picking out a dozen things that Obi-Wan just couldn’t see. “I’ll get you the nutrient shakes. See that he has one with every meal, three meals a day. I’m prescribing extra vitamin gummies, he’s a bit yellow. Those dietician hacks at the Halls of Healing don’t know anything about real food.”

Obi-Wan really didn’t want to get in the middle of that, so he just nodded. But Anakin blinked up at the man, flecks of seeds caught on the corner of his mouth. “What’s a gummy?”

“A very sweet, tasty candy,” Master Law said gravely. “Which young Padawans only receive when they are very brave.”

Anakin brightened. “What’s candy?”

“The best food in the galaxy.” Master Law’s stern countenance split into a sharp smile. “Seems like that’s just what the doctor ordered. If you’ve never had any, then that means I have to prescribe you a double dose.”

Anakin grinned to match, bright and wide, with yellow teeth and crinkled eyes. “That means I’m brave! I’m super brave! Padme said so, and you said so, so it’s like I’m extra brave!”

For some reason that he just couldn’t parse, Obi-Wan found himself anxiously saying, “I think you’re brave too, Anakin.” 

“Triple brave!”

The cafeteria was quickly proving to be Anakin’s favorite place in the Temple. Obi-Wan was reasonably certain that this was a good thing, because it made Anakin happy and happiness was good. That was a reliable fact of the universe: when happiness was scarce, sweet food could usually supply it. Sometimes you took what you could get.

Obi-Wan made an uncharacteristic move and placed a great deal of sugar on his oatmeal. Dumping sugar on oatmeal was crazy. This was probably what going insane felt like. Obi-Wan felt like a criminal. 

“You’re very boring, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said judgmentally. 

“I’m afraid so,” the ten time war veteran agreed. 

It could be worse. Nobody was around to see his shame but Anakin, and the small child wouldn't squeal. All he had to do was ply Anakin with nutrition shakes and fruit, take him back to their quarters, not leave their quarters again for another two weeks in order to recover from this experience, and -

“Obi-Wan! Goodness, Obi-Wan!”

Both Obi-Wan and Anakin jumped a foot in the air, Anakin fighting to keep his food balanced on his child-sized tray. But Obi-Wan recognized the voice, the smooth familiarity soothing his panicking heart and calming down his padawan by connection. 

Despite the fact that the voice was the last person he wanted to see.

Bant didn’t run, because she was a respectable Knight, but she did speedwalk in a dignified waddle towards Obi-Wan and Anakin. Anakin subtly slid closer to Obi-Wan, which he should really discourage. 

“Obi-Wan! Oh, goodness, you - you jerk, you big jerk!” Bant wrung her flippers, jowls shaking with the clear uge to wrap up Obi-Wan in her patented tight hug and foiled only by the tray that Obi-Wan was holding in front of him like a shield. “You’re an absolute bantha’s - oh!”

She had just noticed Anakin, who held his tray tightly. He was frowning at Bant, and Obi-Wan could feel a twinge of childish bad emotion across their still nascent bond. Wait. What bond?

Bant was oblivious, or put on a good show of it. “You must be Padawan Skywalker,” she said warmly. She bent down a little, and Obi-Wan was struck by nostalgia for her glimmering eyes and bright smile. Bant loved kids. Obi-Wan never had. “It’s so good to meet you! Have you been taking care of your silly master for me?”

Anakin pursed his lips judgmentally. “My teacher’s not silly,” Anakin said, a bit loudly. “He’s great and smart and does backflips. It’s not his fault he’s a jerk!”

Never mind. Obi-Wan was never taking Anakin out in public again. He carefully destroyed the urge to wince, settling for smiling weakly at Anakin. Bant looked a little taken back - shocked by the idea that Anakin could have taken her friendly teasing seriously. Or maybe that he would openly call Obi-Wan a jerk. Obi-Wan wasn’t going to contest it. It was fair. 

“Bant’s my best friend, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, with as much warmth as he could muster. His smile was looking more pathetic than anything, so he dropped it. “She knows how good my backflips are.”

“The best in the Temple!” Bant immediately swore up and down. “I’m awfully sorry, Anakin. I think your master’s the coolest guy here. Come on, why don’t you two come eat lunch with me and the rest of Obi-Wan’s friends? We’ve all been dying to meet the newest member of the family!”

A stone sank in Obi-Wan’s gut. He looked over the crowd, effortlessly picking out the familiar table in the back center. Sure enough, he saw the telltale gawks of Siri and Quinlan.

Joy. The two people he wanted to talk to the least. Those two ate Obi-Wan for breakfast on a good day. They would devour him now. They could smell weakness on him. He couldn’t get anything past them. They would take one look at him and know, just know - 

“Obi-Wan has friends?” Anakin asked dubiously. “But he just stays in his room all day.” Went tactfully unsaid: and nobody likes him. 

Somehow, the emotional obstacle course his friends were going to put him through was more appealing than the cold judgement of the nine year old. “I have plenty of friends,” Obi-Wan lied through his teeth. “Let’s go say hi.”

It felt like walking to the guillotine. Actually, Obi-Wan had walked to a guillotine before, and this was - no, it wasn’t worse. Hadn’t he done it twice? The first time was stressful, because he wasn’t sure if Qui-Gon had seduced the prison guard yet. The second time was fine, since he had hidden his lightsaber in the loose floorboard under the guillotine before he set up his own capture. So -  better than the first time, worse than the second time. 

Bizarrely, Siri and Quinlan grinned when they saw them. Obi-Wan was actively fighting the urge to hide behind the nine year old. The nine year old who he couldn’t possibly have formed a training bond with - he had been his padawan all of a week, it was impossible - but who had undoubtedly sensed his anxiety anyway. 

“Obi-Wan, I can’t fucking believe it,” Quinlan shouted, far too loudly. He and Bant’s trays were empty, while the slow eater Siri’s bowl of grains were half-eaten. They had been there for a while, probably hours, talking about life. He had always left after thirty minutes. He had stuff to do. “I must have left you ten damn voicemails -”

“You son of a varnaak.” Siri had a death grip on her spoon, wielding it like a lightsaber. “I’m strangling you with your intestine. Not inviting me to your own knighting -”

“If you’re going to be mean, we’re leaving!” Anakin interrupted, voice high and reedy. “I already said so! I will stomp your feet!”

“You’re not allowed to stomp their feet, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, exhausted beyond measure. “Hello, all. Save the interrogation for after we’ve eaten, please.”

And maybe it was the sheer power of Anakin and his mighty feet, but his friends quieted enough for Obi-Wan to shove sugary oats into his mouth and for Anakin to polish off his fruit before starting in on his nutrient shake. Obi-Wan had to stop and take a napkin and wipe the seeds off the corner of his mouth, and help him to insert the straw in the protein shake, but the act of sucking on a straw amused Anakin and he didn’t hate the taste. There were friendly animal species on the cup. Special nutrient shake for chronically malnourished children - now with bright colors! 

His friends just watched them, without even food to make the environment faux-casual. Their dark eyes seemed to follow him, and Obi-Wan felt his skin crawl. He didn’t want to deal with this. He could barely deal with Quinlan on a good day, much less...today. Any day, lately.

Finally, his grace period seemed to tick down to zero, and Quinlan broke the ice with a fishing spear and an excess of exuberance. “Is this the famous little guy we’ve heard so much about? I hear you’re a good pilot, kid!”

And, just like that, Quinlan was Anakin’s favorite person on Coruscant. “I’m the best pilot,” Anakin asserted arrogantly. Obi-Wan mentally noted the tendency for arrogance and pride down in the ‘Goal Setting!’ part of his brain that was half-heartedly drafting a training curriculum. “I can blow up anything and anyone.”

“Sounds like Quinlan,” Siri snickered. Unlike Bant, she was terrified of children, but she hid it well. “He and your master are Joballian twins that way. Those two could start a fire in deep space.”

“So who are you people?” Anakin asked. Obi-Wan put ‘unbelievably blunt’ in his mental training curriculum. “Are you really Obi-Wan’s friends? He doesn’t like you.”

“I like them very much,” Obi-Wan said rotely. Quinlan pantomimed a shot to the heart. 

But Bant just smiled down at Anakin, unflappable. “You’re a padawan, young one. You should call Obi-Wan your master. It’s good to be polite.”

“Why should I have to do that?” Anakin’s voice tinged a little louder, and at a pointed look from Obi-Wan he toned it down. Siri’s eyebrows rose. “He’s my teacher, not a master of no one.”

Bant winced a bit, and all three of them rippled discomfort in the Force. So they knew, even though it wasn’t totally public knowledge. Quinlan had undoubtedly used his ridiculous clearance as a Shadow to access the Naboo mission records and spilled the details to them. Keeping it professional, as always. 

“Master means something very different to Jedi,” Bant said gently. “It’s a special relationship between two people. Every Jedi teaches and learns from each other, but your master is the person who guides you and makes sure you go to bed on time. It’s just the same word for a very different thing than you’re used to.”

“What do you mean by that?” Anakin gnawed on his straw suspiciously. “I thought Obi-Wan was the one who taught me.”

Quinlan, who had far more experience with the wider world than Siri and Bant, caught on first. He propped his elbows on the table, and Obi-Wan saw him visibly struggle for the ‘wise teacher’ tone before giving up. “The Jedi have different relationships than you’re used to, kid. Who took care of you and watched you all day back home?”

This was heading into dangerous territory, and Obi-Wan frowned dangerously at Quinlan, but Anakin just hummed. “Mom took care of me and we moved around together. But Old Lady Hun watches me and the other kids in the gathering space when Mom’s busy. And when Jipol was sick, Mom and I took care of her two daughters. And Old Man Wa taught me how to fix things. And -”

“Right. So the Jedi are like that. Instead of a very small number of people raising kids, every adult raises every kid. So, for example, any Jedi would tell you to stop running in the halls or stop you from misbehaving -”

“And every Jedi did, with this one,” Siri added. 

“ - but any Knight or Master would help you with your homework, too,” Quinlan finished, elbowing Siri. “We all help each other here. We share food, stuff, school, and teachings. That’s why we practice nonattachment - everything’s everybody’s, not just yours. Make sense?”

Anakin’s brow was furrowed. He paid close attention to everything - chewing everything over again and again until it made sense. Obi-Wan shoveled oatmeal in his mouth, glad Quinlan was doing this. “Why does nonattachment mean you don’t get moms or dads?”

Dangerous territory. Bant opened her mouth to say something soothing, but Quinlan beat her to the punch. “Well, to Jedi, we think the idea of just putting two or three people in charge of kids is pretty crazy. Kids are loud and bouncy. One or two people would get totally stressed out and make mistakes. And imagine just a few people teaching you about life. They could believe all this crazy stuff, and then so would you.”

“And what if the parent’s being a total jerk?” Siri pointed out. “Then the kid’s stuck with that. But when there’s other people around, they can stop and tell the parent that they’re being a total jerk. Then they have to cut it out.”

Anakin narrowed his eyes. “So nobody beats their kids here because the other Jedi would get mad?”

Awkward silence loomed. Finally, Quinlan said, “Yeah, totally. Anyway, that’s why our way rocks and makes sense. Boom. Teaching moment.” Quinlan slapped the table in victory. “We are so good at this. We’re going to be the greatest teachers ever, Anakin. Forget lame old Obi-Wan, he’s going to lead you down the path of boring. Stick with Knight Vos, I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks.”

At Anakin’s deeply confused expression, Bant put a hand on his back. But when she spoke she spoke to Obi-Wan, gleaming eyes boring into his. “We’re Obi-Wan’s best friends. We’re going to be here for you almost as much as Obi-Wan is. None of us have padawans yet, so we’re all really excited to help you! Did you know I’m a doctor?”

Anakin perked up. He respected doctors highly - apparently it was a very prestigious position on Tatooine. “Wow! Obi-Wan’s friends with a doctor?”

“And I’m a superspy action hero, kid!” Quinlan flexed, tossing his dreads. “I can teach you how to hack into anything!”

“I’m a better pilot than anyone at this table.” Siri awkwardly waved her fist in the air in a pantomime of excitement. “I’ll help you...fly things. Which you can apparently already do. But I’ll teach you how to do it better.”

The idea was heady to Anakin. His eyes widened, filled with possibility and excitement. Of smiling adult faces, wanting to help. But he looked at Obi-Wan instead, fear sneaking in through the gap bored by long experience with misery. “So what does a master do, then?”

Obi-Wan smiled wanly at Anakin. Experimentally, he tried sending him as much warmth as possible. He didn’t have much to spare, but Anakin seemed to appreciate the sentiment. “I’ll protect you, Anakin. And I’d like it if you continued calling me Obi-Wan.”

And he knew that meant more to Anakin than all the rest. At least Obi-Wan won there. 

Although Obi-Wan had gone his entire life despairing for Quinlan’s future padawan, he somehow handled Anakin wonderfully. Even Siri awkwardly asked a question about Anakin’s favorite kind of ship - clearly expecting an answer along the lines of ‘a big one!’ or ‘one that shoots lasers!’ - and sat through Anakin’s ten minute scientific dissertations on the difference in engine ports between Genoshian Special X100 and Genoshian Special X200. 

When’s the last time Obi-Wan had a long conversation with Anakin, where they just talked about nothing? He’d been so selfish, focusing entirely on himself and not even thinking about Anakin. His friends were doing this a thousand times better than he was. They should be the one with a padawan, not him. Qui-Gon hadn’t thought he was ready for knighthood until - well, until it was convenient, but if it took him this long to be knighted he ought to be forty before he got a padawan. 

In a characteristically deft maneuver, Quinlan had flagged down a friend of his - Ku Lun, a friendly face and teacher to the Initiates - and gave Anakin a real world lesson in Jedi togetherness by asking him to walk Anakin back to their quarters. Anakin shot a panicked look at Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan deeply wished to send a panicked look back, but he just nodded supportively. 

“Don’t you want to ask Knight Lun about lessons?” Obi-Wan said. “You can work together to design your school.”

The concept of school, and the power to choose it, was obviously heady to Anakin, and he jumped off the bench with only a tinge of reluctance. “Come back to the room in thirty minutes or you’re fired,” Anakin told Obi-Wan gravely, yet nonsensically, before running off with Knight Lun. 

It wasn’t until the sounds of Anakin’s chattering faded, then disappeared completely, that Obi-Wan turned back to his friends with a sigh. Their plot had worked. Quinlan and Siri’s perfect score in tactics - second only to his more than perfect score - had won again. He was subject to the masses, and the masses were stressed over his wellbeing. 

Better make the pre-emptive strike. “Greetings, my honored friends,” Obi-Wan said dully. “My very best friends in the galaxy, whom I have not spoken to in months.”

“And whose fault is that, you asshole!” Quinlan thumped the table, making the plasteelware rattle, and cuing a withering look from Bant. “You drop out of contact. You leave on a routine diplomatic mission. You get wrapped up in an interplanetary war, obviously, because that’s how your routine missions always go. And you come back with a kid and the head of a Sith?”

“You have the situation well in hand, Quinlan. There’s nothing more I can teach you.”

“Idiot! I’m not asking for a mission report, here.” Quinlan set his mouth, as tempestuous as ever. “Are you okay?”

Was he okay?

Maybe Bant caught something on his expression, because she placed a reassuring flipper on his arm. “We’re sorry about Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan. We know how much he meant to you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“You can’t get rid of us just because you don’t talk to us.” Siri scooped the rest of her oats in her mouth, clearly regretful that she no longer had something to hide behind. “Reeft and Garen feel the same way. You’re lucky Garen’s on a mission, or he would have staked out your door.” He would have. Garen was insane. “I know they waived the two weeks in solitude considering your circumstances, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need it. Anakin needs -”

“As his master, I have the best idea of what Anakin needs.” Obi-Wan kept his voice flat, dispassionate. He wasn’t a child anymore, not that impetuous Initiate who yelled and stomped and screamed. Obi-Wan had drowned that anger under thick layers of Jedi robe years ago. “I appreciate and understand your concern. However, I ask for faith in my abilities to handle my padawan.”

“Oh, no. Not the ‘I Am A Perfect Jedi And You Are The Irresponsible Bugs Beneath My Feet’ voice.” Siri didn’t sound amused, as she normally would be while making fun of him. What was funny about speaking properly? “Don’t shut down on us.”

“I’ve never understood where you got the impression that Jedi don’t have feelings, Obi-Wan,” Bant scolded, “but you know it’s not true. Jedi feel their feelings. They feel them and release them. This is you repressing them. They’re just going to fester and get worse if you do that.”

“Yes, Bant. I recieved top marks in Philosophy 101, same as you.” Obi-Wan picked at his sealed up, the rims of thick juice sloshing in the corners, before forcing himself to stop. He forced his hands still on the table, pressing them down hard on the linoleum. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what good a confession would do to all of you. Obviously I miss my master. Obviously I’m all…very sad about it.” Obi-Wan jerked his shoulders in a half-shrug, ignoring everyone’s unimpressed looks. “What good will talking about it do? I have to remain focused. In the real world, you don’t get the luxury of hermitage.”

“Luckily, you’re not in the real world.” Bant’s wry tone imparted the air quotes around ‘real world’. “You’re home. You and Anakin are safe here.” Obi-Wan snorted. “Knight Kenobi, what was that?”

Uh oh. But Siri unknowingly came to his rescue, leaning forward with as intent and sympathetic expression as she could wring from her usually severe countenance. “Don’t give me that dung, Obi-Wan. I cried for a month after Master Tahl died. You were there for me every second of it. What, are you so special that you don’t need help? Are you so much better than us that you don’t feel what every sentient feels? Your ‘better than you’ attitude doesn’t make you better than yourself.”

Bant made a warbling sound of frustration. “Siri, let’s not insult the person we are trying to help.”

“It’s not my fault he’s so - look, this is about Anakin -”

A tightly wound rope of...of something bad snapped in Obi-Wan’s gut. “You don’t think I can handle him.”

“Nobody’s saying that, brother,” Quinlan said, placating for the first time in his life, “but it’s like I was just telling the little guy, right? Nobody can do this by themselves. Cultures that try to do it are - they’re just crazy!”

“None of you think I can do this,” Obi-Wan whispered harshly, trying to keep the - the bad thing locked tight inside, incapable. It wouldn’t stop overflowing, a cup that runneth over. “Nobody in this Temple thinks I’m capable of taking care of him. They don’t think he can be a Jedi. It’s my fault. It’s because he has such a fuck-up for a master.”

Everybody around him suddenly radiated extreme alarm in the Force in unison. Was it really that unusual for him to say the words that swirled around in his head every hour of the day?

“Obi-Wan, we’re the fuck-ups. I mean, me and Siri and Garen. You and Bant are the Rylothian angels here.”

“That’s not what everybody else thinks,” Obi-Wan said lowly. “I’ve always been tainted because of Qui-Gon. Now just being around me is going to taint Anakin. Everybody knows it.”

“Tainted?” Bant asked with alarm. What was alarming? “What are you talking about -”

But Obi-Wan barrelled through her, unwilling to hear whatever sweet and placating words she had for him today. He stood up, carefully stepping off the bench and fussily fixing his robes with hands that did not shake. “We are going to prove it to them. Anakin will become a Jedi. I will make Anakin a Jedi, if it’s the last thing I do.”

He swept off, feeling a little bit dramatic, feeling as if he had expelled the smallest amount of emotion he could. That was the least he could give, portioning out bits of himself to the hungry and braying crowd. 

Why did they want these pieces of him so desperately? What was valuable about these hideous parts of Obi-Wan - the fear, the insecurity, the nightmares shaking him awake each night? People like Bant and Quinlan dug and dug and dug until they found what they were looking for, as if they wanted to prove something to themselves, to him, to the Jedi. 

Prove that he was inferior. Prove that he was just as wild and angry as everybody always said. Prove that his flimsy mask of ‘A Perfect Jedi’ was nothing more than a stage actor placing a pulp-mache bantha’s head mask over his face and strutting about as if he was a king.  Prove what Qui-Gon had always thought of him: that any love for him could only be held at arm's length, that a kid who needed to prove himself never required support or a helping hand, that there was no such thing as ‘good enough’ when you lived in competition with ghosts and shadows. 

Prove what everybody knew, and what Obi-Wan could not hide.

***

When Obi-Wan got home, Anakin was lying on the ground committing atrocities upon the ravaged corpse of a pilfered library droid.

“Please start putting down a tarp when you do that,” Obi-Wan said. “You’ve been getting oil into the carpet.” He paused a beat. “And please stop sneaking away from chaperones.”

“But I need to practice sneaking away from good guys so I can be good at sneaking away from bad guys! And it’s not like I was caught.” Anakin didn’t look up at him, absorbed in his work. “That’s Jedi lesson three, right? ‘Do whatever you want, just don’t get caught’?”

“When had - why do -” Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting the one day exposure to Qui-Gon. But..in the face of that logic, Obi-Wan was forced to concede. It was objectively true. “Yes. But make an exception for me. Just don’t get caught by others.”

“You got it! Hey, pinch this wire for me.”

So Obi-Wan lay down on his stomach across from Anakin, staring at him from over a sea of rusty machinery. His round little face, somehow still clinging onto baby fat, was smooth as only a child’s could be. It was flaky and rough from the blistering heat of twin suns, but he had ointment now. His featherly light blonde hair would darken without its sunshine bleach, and it would grow long in limp brown shags. He would look like his mother - if, apparently, there was no father to speak of. 

His expression was screwed up in concentration, tongue poking out of his teeth as he carefully screwed in a bolt where it likely was not intended to go. There was something strangely beautiful about him in that moment - an intelligence at work, a powerful focus rarely applied. He glowed in the Force like a sun, overwhelming and breath-taking. 

But when Obi-Wan’s breath caught, he wasn’t sure if it was the Force. Maybe it was just Anakin. Could you fall in love like this? Just by looking at somebody, just by feeling how great they could be? Stronger than Obi-Wan, more righteous than Qui-Gon? Kinder than Master Dooku, more vibrant than Grandmaster Yoda? 

Could he be better? Or would Obi-Wan only make him worse?

“Do you like my friends?” Obi-Wan whispered.

“Gimmie a min’.” Anakin finished screwing the bolt, huffing at the piece. “Bad. Gotta redo...what didya say?”

“Do you like my friends?”

“Oh!” Anakin brightened. “They’re super cool and awesome Jedi! They’re just like I thought Jedi would be. Bant’s a doctor! Did you know that?”

“I did.” A pang shot through Obi-Wan’s heart. “They’d be better teachers than I. I’m sorry, Anakin. I’m sorry you’re stuck with…”

“No way! I’m sorry you’re stuck with me, Obi-Wan.” Anakin’s expression crumpled a little, although he bravely tried to keep it straight. He was already picking that up from Obi-Wan. “I’m why everybody keeps looking at us weird...it’s all my fault. All the Jedi hate us.”

“Anakin, no. The Jedi love all sentient beings.” Judging from Anakin’s expression, Obi-Wan was speaking straight bantha poodoo and acting as if the Corellian moons were made of cheese. “It’s true. They’d - they’d all help you. You don’t need to rely on me.”

Wires hissed and sparked. Anakin was quiet for a moment, stripping some wires with a deft, chubby hand and tying them together. He reached out to grab a blowtorch, but at Obi-Wan’s dangerous expression he carefully retreated his hand. It was a matter of time until he was using his lightsaber to solder metal. Incorrigible. Finally, Anakin said, “What Mr. Quinlan -”

“Knight Quinlan.”

“Knight Quinlan was talking about how you’re just there to guide me and teach me the Jedi way for a few years. And they all acted like the master and padawan thing is so special and great, but…” His face crumpled a little, overcome by an emotion he couldn’t name. “When we had to leave Mom behind...I thought that meant that you were going to be Mom now. But they aren’t going to let us. They’re going to make other people teach me because they don’t like you, and - and - and!”

Fat tears were rolling down Anakin’s cheeks, no matter how hard he scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. Obi-Wan quickly sat up and moved closer to Anakin, wrapping him in a hug and letting Anakin press his head into Obi-Wan’s tunic. He would probably have to get this one cleaned with Anakin’s robe. He didn’t know why he was focusing on that instead of Anakin’s hitched breaths as he tried to control his tears.

“Nobody’s going to take you away from me, Anakin.” That wasn’t what he meant to say. That was far too possessive. That hadn’t come out right. But what had Obi-Wan meant to say? “We all just want what’s best for you. You might be happier with the others.” Obi-Wan faltered. “You could be a normal child here. Take lessons. Play with the other children. Learn and grow and be happy. My padawanship, Anakin...it was dangerous and isolated. That’s the kind of life I’ve always lived. I don’t want to expose you to that.”

Anakin separated from him, eyes red-rimmed but dry. “They aren’t strong! All the kids and the old people here - they’re weak! Nothing bad’s ever happened to them, so they think sad people like us are freaks. But you’re strong, Obi-Wan. I want to be strong and just like you. I’m not embarrassed to be your padawan.” He faltered a little, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s okay that you’re sad and that I had to make food for a little bit. Mom would get sad sometimes too. She couldn’t leave bed and stuff. I would take care of Mom and make her food. I don’t mind making you food. The slaves all had each other, we did, but...Mom and I took care of each other. We can take care of each other. It’s just you and me. Right?”

Obi-Wan embraced Anakin tightly, fighting to control his breathing. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the correct way to do this. He had to be more like Qui-Gon - professional and strong and affectionate. Qui-Gon would have never let Obi-Wan cling to him like this, swearing an oath that neither of them should ever make. 

Nobody was going to help them. None of them had ever forgotten how Obi-Wan had been a failure as a child, and none of them were ever going to forget where Anakin came from. No matter what they all said, their bright smiles and helping hands - none of them understood what it was like. It was just Obi-Wan and Anakin from now on. 

In some strange way, it felt as if it had always been. As if Obi-Wan had only been alone, because he had not met or loved Anakin yet. 

This wasn’t the kind of master Obi-Wan should be. He should be discouraging this desperation and neediness. But he couldn’t discourage it in himself, and he had no idea how to quench it in either of them. 

As the Rylothians would say - if this was a sin, then hell had greater need of him than heaven. 

He would put in the request for active mission duty. If Anakin grew up like he did - in the midst of adventure and hardship - then he could attain the strength he so desired. That was all Obi-Wan knew how to offer, and that was Qui-Gon’s legacy.

“It’s just you and me, Anakin,” Obi-Wan swore, and damned himself. “It’s just you and me…”

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 285

1. “at that moment...”

you guys. I still can’t get over this. just -- guys. this is Kacchan telling the story.

he’s not the first character to narrate, mind you. characters like Twice, Tomura, Ochako, and Kirishima have all narrated in the past. but it’s always been past-tense narration of their own flashbacks, or else present-tense narration explaining their thoughts (e.g. Twice in chapter 115). Kacchan himself has done present-tense POV narration before. but this isn’t that. this is past-tense narration of an event that’s happening now. this is the future Kacchan narrating the present day Kacchan’s story.

has any other character done that, aside from Deku himself?? am I just crazy overreacting here, lol. idk but either way it’s cool.

2. “...there were no thoughts in my head.”

there was a post yesterday talking about Kacchan’s big moment at the end of this chapter being a little disappointing because of it being an automatic “my body moved on its own” save on Kacchan’s part. the argument was basically that it made the moment less meaningful because of it being a subconscious thing rather than a conscious decision on Katsuki’s part.

but I disagree! for me the “my body moved on its own” is actually way more impactful. and rather than describing it as “subconscious”, I think the word that fits better in this case is instinct. first of all, even though he says there were no thoughts in his head, we know that’s not exactly true, as we can see for ourselves the images that were flashing through his mind. I’m just gonna list them out:

“I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”

“why was it me who put an end to All Might?”

“I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we’re taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don’t settle for anything less!”

“I’m not gonna lose... I can’t afford to stay a loser!”

“you... you looked like you needed saving.”

thoughts about what it means to be a hero. what it used to mean to him, and what it means to him now. thoughts about rescuing others. about saving to win. thoughts about his failures. thoughts about him and Deku. and last but certainly not least, vivid memories of a moment when he needed someone to save him, and Deku was there.

he has these thoughts, but he’s not aware of himself having them. it happens too fast for him to be able to process. but all the same, his body isn’t just moving here of its own accord. it’s simply that in this instance, it’s not thought that’s driving him, but emotion. at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY CORNY, it’s not his head that makes the decision, but his heart.

and that’s why it’s so meaningful to me. in this moment, it’s not conscious thought that’s driving him, but emotion, instinct, will. he sees the attack, sees that it will hit Deku, and he just reacts. something at the core of him screams that he can’t let it happen, and he just moves. and to me that’s even more powerful than him consciously doing the math and making the sacrifice play (though I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed that as well). specifically because it’s a moment where he doesn’t have a chance to think or analyze or panic or doubt. it’s a moment that shows us who he is when you strip all that away from him. he doesn’t have time to get in his own head; he doesn’t have time to feel any fear; he doesn’t have time to think about himself at all. he takes himself out of the equation. he sees that Deku needs saving. and the rest is pure instinct. it’s the most heroic he has ever been.

3. “even if One for All is a cursed power... at the same time, it’s...”

I was wondering what was up with this part, lol. Caleb’s translation makes it much clearer; to Katsuki, OFA is both a blessing and a curse right now. the “cursed” part is becoming more and more obvious with each new chapter. it’s putting Deku in danger; it’s made him a target; it’s destroying his body; and there are other, darker and more dangerous factors also at play that Katsuki doesn’t even know about but fears nonetheless. I honestly feel like he’s been anxious about all of this ever since he learned Deku and All Might’s secret. it’s been on the back of his mind for months now.

but at the same time, OFA is what brought him and Deku back together. sorry, am I getting cheesy again lol. BUT IT’S TRUE THOUGH. All Might’s quirk gave Deku the chance to compete with Katsuki on equal footing for the first time. it forced Katsuki to acknowledge him. and both he and Deku have grown so much on so many levels over the course of this past year, and all of it stems back to Deku receiving this quirk.

and just... fucking look at these flashbacks, though.

unless I’m reading this completely wrong, the gist of this scene is that Katsuki is grateful for OFA because it’s what lifted Deku up and allowed him to try and achieve his dream. the scenes of Katsuki bullying Deku and burning his notebook are contrasted with the scenes of Deku standing up to him and vowing that he won’t be his punching bag anymore. Deku before OFA, contrasted with Deku after. I get the sense that Katsuki feels a lot of gratitude for fate stepping in and working to undo his mistakes before he himself could finally get his act together and start atoning for them as well.

and then that last page is really interesting, because it’s like the “blessing” and “curse” parts of OFA all together in a single image. Deku is going all out against Tomura, giving everything he has, ready to sacrifice himself if that’s what it takes. there’s so much strength there (even though he looks completely insane lmao), but at the same time it’s literally killing him. mixed feelings, for sure.

4. “Katsuki Bakugou: Rising”

last but not least! so there’s quite a bit of discussion going on about what exactly a “rising” chapter actually consists of, lol. Momo is the only other character who’s had one before (at least if you don’t count the movies, and the movie spin-offs). so it’s hard to say for sure with such a small sample size, but if I had to guess, I’d say the “rising” chapters are about characters coming into their own as heroes. Momo’s chapter was all about her letting go of her insecurities and starting to believe in herself. and this chapter was all about Katsuki letting go of both his fear and his pride, and just getting the job done.

in the span of a single chapter, he lets go of every single thing that’s ever held him back. I felt like we really got a glimpse of the hero he can -- and hopefully will, if future!Kacchan the Narrator is anything to go by -- become. he was amazing. he took charge; he came up with a plan that absolutely would have worked if Tomura wasn’t LITERALLY FUCKING UNKILLABLE LULZ; and when that failed, he didn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice play. Bakugou fucking Katsuki, He of Zero Rescue Points, made the fucking sacrifice play. do you even know how much I love that you guys. I love it so, so much.

but of course, when you make the sacrifice play it tends to have the not-so-surprising side effect of getting you ALL FUCKED UP afterwards. so perhaps a less ideal outcome than he would have hoped. but he still did good. and he stopped Deku from getting murdered, and so now hopefully Deku and Shouto can mount some sort of aggrieved revenge counterattack to do their fallen friend justice. time for my other two sons to get to work! maybe Shouto can make Deku some new arms out of ice.

[calliecat93]

Hi Callie! In your opinion, what are the top ten best Mccoy centric episodes in TOS? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, thanks for reading anyways! ❤️

Ooh, good question! This is a little hard because McCoy, compared to Kirk and Spock, didn’t get a lot of centric episodes. Actually I think he only really got like… two out of 79 episodes (depending on how you view it). But he DOES have a large prescence in others, so let me see here…

1. The Empath Technically it’s a Triumvirate episode, but this has McCoy’s best moment in the entire show. Like if you want to understand McCoy’s character, this is the episode that you turn to. I already blabbed about why once so I’ll let that go into it for me.

2. For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky: While some of the execution is a bit iffy, this is still a realy excellent episode. Mainly because DeForest Kelley plays McCoy here with everything that he has and just nails everything, McCoy’s sadness, loneliness, and invevat le fate of dying in a year, masterfully. The episode would be NOWHERE near as good if not for De Kelley.

3. The Man Trap: This and the last one are the only two McCoy-centric episodes, at least that I recall. This one often gets overlooked since it’s first so I think that the emotional impact gets lost. But God McCoy in this episode is just outright tragic. I wrote a whole post about it because it felt so unfair that it was overlooked because there is SO MUCH there. Also mrke amazing De Kelley acting

4. All Our Yesterdays: While McCoy does spend a good chunk of it passed out from hypothermia, he is freakin’ excellent in this episode. He’s not only hilarious (“He means it’s cold!”, De’s delivery made me burst out laughing) but when he’s finally awake, he’s just freakin’ awesome. He put himself at GREAT risk to snap Spock out of his mental state and then went ‘screw it’ and tried to find the portal home cause he wants his life back, with or without Spock (but preferably with Spock). He’s just great~!

5. Return to Tomorrow: This whole episode is super underrated. It’s the one where the alien beings posess Kirk, Spock, and Lady of the Week’s bodies. McCoy is the ONLY rational person in the episode and the one who has to deal with the majority of the problem. He has to both worry about everyone’s minds in the orbs and what the aliens do to their human bodies and is VERY concerned throughout. It also demonstrates how devkted to his profession and oath that he is. He even outright risks Kirk dying for good, as painful as it is for him, because it would mean allowing another to die and like Hell is he doing that. Seriously, this one is so freakin’ overlooked.

6. Bread and Circuses/The Immunity Syndrome/The Tholian Web: Yeah three way tie cause they all have one thing in common: they feature his complicated relationship with Spock. The first one I wrote a whole meta about already. It’s a Spones analysis, but it reflects why McCoy himself is great in this episode along with all hos geneal grumpy snark throughout. Oh and the ending with him throwing a mattess at a guy… and he wins IIRC. Best underrated comedy moment EVER. With the second, he’s not at all happy with Spock being picked over him to examine the amoeba and that Spock may die. Their whole interaction in the hangar, McCoy waiting until the doors close to wish Spock luck, Spock’s seeming final words, and of course “Shut up Spock! We’re rescuing you!”. The last one of course has Kirk gone and McCoy is angry, grieving, and stressed with everyone losing their minds and Spcok pressuring him to fix it all at the same time and he takes it out on Spock. Then they see Kirk’s final message and we all know what happens after. All three do such a great job showing how much McCoy cares about Spock and showcasing how great they really are together, and not even just the shippy sense. Only reason they’re at six is because of how closely tied to Spock he is in those episodes instead of being the central character, but he IS still central in them and showcase some of his best moments. So I hope I got my point across XD

7. A Private Little War: The episode’s message is kind of… questionable. But ignoring thay, McCoy is the real freakin’ hero of this story. It’s only because of him that Kirk survived and he’s more than willing to contront him on his questionable decision making. Which is the very thing that Kirk brought him for to begin with. It’s one of the best episode to show how much he cares about Kirk and the lengths he’ll go for him. Oh and he kept Spock from dying along with Chapel and M’Benga. Thank God he has competent medical staff who can do the job without him XD

8. Journey to Babel: Okay yes this is a Spock episode, but McCoy is VERY prominent throughout. He’s both hilarious in the cold opening and we all remember his reaction to Spock’s ‘teddy bear’ XD. But he managed to conduct a VERY risky surgery that put Spock and Sarek at great risk if he screwed up. A surgery he’s never really conducted. And during a battle that causes frequent rattling to boot. He succeeded and the episode appropriately rewards him by allowing him the final word. It’s not only oen of the best episodes showing why he’s the CMO, but he’s just freakin’ great the whole episode.

9. Amok Time: Again it’s a Spock episode, but I repeat what I said about Return to Tomorrow: McCoy is the real hero. He’s the one who recognizes that something is horribly wrong, puts up with zero excuses, actually usus logic to get Spock to comply, and of course it was him who saved both Kirk and Spock’s sorry butts. They’d both likely be dead had McCoy not been there. He may have had the least screentime of the three, but he damn wel made up for it.

10. Operation: Annahilate: It has one of the saddest but strongest McCoy scenes. Through the whole episode he’s super protectice of Spock, running various tests to get rid of the parasites and trying to keep Kirk’s kid nephew alive all at the same time. Then he gets made by Kirk and Spock to risk blinding the latter… and DOES blind him. Then his face when the test result revelaed that he didn’t need to use an jntense light and being outright unresponsive when Kirk calls him later… just ouch. It’s one of those moments I wish it had gone more in depth, but upseide is we have haply McCoy by the end. Want proof of how much he cares for Spock and others? Here you go

And he has really good scenes in other episodes despite varying levels of prominence (Miri, Space Seed, The Galileo Seven, This Side of Pradise, The City on the Edge of Forever, Mirror, Mirror, Friday’s Child, The Ultimate Computer, Spock’s Brain… no seriosuly he’s the biggest bright spot in that and for certain S3 episodes tbh). It’s a HUGE shame that he was treated like the third wheel both in series and the films, and even now gets the raw end of the deal in popular media. But I hope that this was a satisfactory list Anon. Sorry it got all wordy and long, I can’t help myself sometimes XD

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