#and writing for characters that usually flop for me but they’re the loves of my life

[crybaby-bkg]

been wanting to write lately but all of my ideas have been so self indulgent and catered to Me and those usually don’t get as much traction but writing things I don’t care about is so hard for me now and I am. angerey. but wil still make this shit self indulgent ☝🏼

[chiwhorei]

Bésame

Miguel O’Hara x reader

Tags: 18+ ONLY mdni, College AU, roommates to lovers, tooth-rotting love for this man, pussy-devouring, fingering, squirting, I wrote this in one go so you get what ya get

Word count: 2.3k- written in one, prolonged blackout

Notes: I’m fucking back bitches. I missed you, I missed this. I hope I stick around this time. This was supposed to be a blurb about squirting but the melancholy romantic won again.

Cross-posted to Ao3!

There’s something about the smell of crisp summer morning, the feeling of gentle air, humidity whispering across your face. The inescapable heat of late July is hidden from the world in its earliest hours.

“Keep up Mamí, I’m not getting stuck in the rain because you’re daydreaming.”

You pick up the pace, jogging in quick steps to catch up to Miguel. He’s farther ahead than you realized, strong muscles and wispy brown hair outlined by dark storm clouds.

Your breath is heavy, rattling against your ribs while you match the canter of Miguel’s long stride. He’s never gone easy on you, but your labored breathing makes him ease up a bit.

“What’s got your attention this morning? Or were you admiring the view behind me?” Miguel reaches up to adjust the cloth headband keeping his hair out of his face. His arms look like they’re chiseled from marble, strong, tanned skin flexes under the cutoff he wears in some iteration every morning.

Your eyes glaze over, not realizing the intensity of your gawking until Miguel’s eyes find yours. The color is deeper than usual, darker and melting into the black of his pupil. You write it off as the gloomy weather above, but he licks his bottom lip before relinquishing your stare.

You forgot what he asked you, but he doesn’t press the subject any further. Out of character, but appreciated.

“What time is your last class over tonight?” He asks, you fix your eyes on a stop sign ahead to avoid getting lost in his stare again. You see him from the corner of your eye, the angle making it seem that his gaze is focused on the bounce of your chest.

It’s just the angle, you sound even less convincing in your own head.

“Uh- well it’s Monday, so I have lab until 4:30.” You groan out the last part, ruminating on the long day ahead of you.

“My evening class got canceled for today, so I can take care of dinner tonight.”

You hum at him, his offer settles against your shoulders like honey. Something to look forward to at the end of a long day.

Sometimes he almost feels real.

He folded you into his life like melted chocolate. An easy, peaceful affection towards you since you moved in all those months ago. An offer to join his morning runs, filling a thermos of coffee for you to grab before leaving the apartment, coming home to dinner with that casual dismissal that makes your head spin.

“It’s no problem, mamí, that’s what roommates are for.” He’s always been so plain and earnest, smoothing over any objections with a sugary term of endearment and those big brown eyes.

Your heart aches so deeply when you forget that he’s just your roommate. Stabbing and twisting in your breastbone when you think about how much effort he must put in with dates.

You stop abruptly, feet cemented to the sidewalk and chest heaving rapidly. Miguel slows to a stop when he notices you missing from his side.

“Hey, don’t tell me you’re quitting, we’re two blocks from the apartment.” His voice is light, but his eyes fall from amusement to concern when he sees how hard your breath falls from your lungs.

“Whoa, what’s wrong, are you feeling okay?” He paces towards you and another deep inhale fills your senses with his musky scent instead of the rainy morning air you desperately need.

“I- I’m fine,” you struggle against the words, lifting your gaze to see Miguel’s sweat-slicked curls flop against his forehead.

You blame the early hour, or light-headedness, or a moment of delirium as your hand comes up to tuck the stray hair back under his headband.

“You’re so beautiful, Miguel.”

Your words tumble out, breaching the filter in the back of your mouth that keeps you from saying stupid shit to the man you’re stuck in a lease with.

Miguel’s breath hitches, concern falling away and filling its place with an unreadable expression. His eyes pace between your pupils, freezing the blood flowing under your skin. Why does his proximity make you act like a love-sick puppy? The frustration wells up, lining your tear ducts.

“That- I- I’m sorry.” You return his look with an awkward laugh, coughing around the lump in your throat.

Your body moves on autopilot, sidestepping his frame to make a run for it, but Miguel circles your wrist with a large palm. His skin is callused and warm as he pulls you to stand in front of him once again.

He holds you in his stare, burning eyes and the light grip of your wrist is more than enough to keep you in place.

There’s nothing more you can do but stutter around your tattered pride. Racking against your brain to find an excuse for your weird behavior. A possession? A moment of psychosis? You’ll call a priest later, but you first need to get away from Miguel and the sweet smell of cologne and sweat so you can think clearly again.

“Mi hermosa,” your balance is kicked out from under you as he holds both wrists against his chest.

Miguel’s lips dip down to you, you can almost taste his cherry chapstick as he traces his words above your mouth. You feel the first drops of rain as they hit Miguel’s cheek and bounce off your nose. Before you can taste that distinct cherry flavor, the angry crack of thunder pulls your bones from your skin.

“We need to get home,” you see a flash of lightning as it reflects in Miguel’s eyes, it splits the clouds and opens up a swollen reservoir- rain pounding down on the two of you, “we’re getting soaked Mig-“

“Say the word, Mamí,” He interrupts you, barely fazed by the storm that was ripped from your soul and clawed itself into the sky, “Tell me to fuck off and I’ll never try this again.”

Miguel drops his grip on your wrists, moving those eclipsing palms to the juncture of your neck. His lips beg for your touch once again and for the millionth time.

“Bésame.” Your accent is rigid and unpracticed, remedial at best but music to Miguel’s ears. His mouth meets yours in a wide smile, fingers finding purchase on either side of your neck.

His kiss is dripping and desperate, if you’re not careful you could drown right here and sink into the concrete.

All of the times you’ve imagined this moment are nothing compared to the real thing. He’s aggressive and hungry, licking into your mouth and vibrating your tongue with a growl.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Miguel bites at your lip before pulling away, his face is obscured in the pouring rain, “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

How wrong he is, you think.

Miguel pulled you through the threshold of your shared apartment as soon as the door was unlocked, the only sense he has left is depleted- used up from keeping his composure while you fumble with your keys. His strong, broad arms circling around your waist to tug you ever closer, keeping your mouth open and whining against his.

Your feet lift from the carpet as Miguel lifts you up with the same effort as a paperweight. The feeling of his hands settling on your ass is the last pull against your unwinding composure. You’re legs wrap around his middle and you grind down hard against his abdomen.

“Fuck, I can feel your pussy through your leggings.” His words make you dizzy, grinding against him with a brainless rhythm.

“We don’t have to,” his lips trace down your neck between each word, “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

The sincerity in his eyes hits you squarely in the chest and moving across your skin like fever.

“Miggy, I need you. Please, anything you give me- I’ll take it.”

Your even tone shocks the both of you, the most confident you’ve sounded all morning.

“Fuck, I almost want to make you regret those words.” His teeth graze the tender spot under your chin.

“But the first thing I want is a taste of that sweet little cunt.” You’re sure your knees would buckle if Miguel wasn’t holding you, the rough tambor of his voice will be the death of you- you’ll take your chances.

Miguel carries you past the small kitchen and living area, you don’t notice where he’s sat you until he pulls his lips away from yours.

His room smells like fresh laundry and pine, the bedspread he’s set you on is tucked neatly on either side and soft under your touch. You’ve sat in this exact spot plenty of times, to study into the late night, to watch reruns of your favorite show on lazy Sunday afternoons- but never like this.

Miguel pushes you lightly so your back hits the mattress, he spreads your legs apart at the knee and you feel the tight fabric of your leggings as it shifts against your pussy.

Your running set is tight against your skin, sweat and rain covering your trembling body so that every inch is sticky and damp.

Miguel’s pointer and middle finger rub against your pussy, memorizing the outline of your plush lips under thin nylon. He’ll tuck the image into the back of his mind in case he needs it later.

“Mmm, no panties this morning,” he muses, pressing his thumb against your clit.

Miguel pulls at the fabric on your pussy, letting it snap back against your skin, you can feel the tight material drenched from your aching pussy. You want to tell him that you can hardly take this teasing, but all that comes out is a wobbly string of please, please, please.

“Don’t worry, Mamí, I’m gonna take care of you.” Your thoughts don’t catch up to him until the chill of open air hits your bare cunt. Your soaked leggings are tossed to the corner of his almost clinically clean room.

Miguel takes a moment to marvel at the sopping wet pussy he’s got trapped against his mattress.

“Que maravilla,” he kisses his words flatly against your puffy lips before coaxing them open with his nose. His face is covered in you already, glistening across his lips and chin. But it’s not enough, it won’t be enough until you drown him.

His tongue laps at you like you’re what’s keeping him alive. He kisses with his mouth open, collecting your offering to him and drinking it down with every flat lashing of his tongue.

You taste tangy and sweet, a heady mix of sweat and pheromones that pulls him in ever closer. Desperate to drink his fill of you. Every long swipe at your sloppy hole is dotted with a kiss, every inch of skin is electric- zapping against your clit with every measured nip.

Miguel’s fingers find their way to rest against your pussy, pushing in gently when he’s satisfied with how well his tongue worked you open.

Once the digits are wettened, Miguel pushes two in to the first knuckle. He groans at the feeling of how welcoming your pussy is, how responsive you are to his touch.

He licks his praises against your soft skin as your muscles relax around the thick intrusion. His vision fuzzy at the edges thinking about how you’ll take his cock. The thought is pushed back for now, lingering on it could break you when he’s just gotten started.

Your hips rock down against him, catching your clit with his wide palm.

Your whimpering emboldens him, cock weeping in the waistband of his shorts. He’s harder than he’s ever been, the frustrating ache in his balls is poured right into the quickening pace of his fingers. He needs you to break- crumble into pieces so he can put them back together.

“Miguel, fuck, I need- you need to slow down or I’m gonna“

Your pleas fall on deaf ears, Miguel is hypnotized at the sight of your pussy spilling over against him. He doesn’t relent even as you cry out and shake under him. He doesn’t miss a beat as your pussy squelches, clear liquid splashing against his chest.

“Oh fuck, you didn’t mention you’re a squirter.” His pace is torturous, pumping against that spot deep inside you that turns you into a puddle.

Once his other hand comes down to circle your clit, you know that you’re done for. The fear of letting loose like this is something that holds your rigid body from completely letting go. No one’s ever pulled you from that damn before, but Miguel has torn it down completely.

“Let go for me, Mamí, need to feel you cum against my fingers, need to see you squirt for me again.” The words drip from his mouth like hot syrup and coat your stiff muscles.

He pulls more out of you with each pump of those skilled fingers, more than you ever thought you had in you, more than you could imagine.

You cry as you cum, tears spilling over your cheeks in fat streams. The feelings you’ve kept inside for Miguel, the schoolgirl crush, the craving, the primal need all splashes against the both of you with the telltale spasm of your cunt against his fingers.

Your mind feels like it’s been dipped in wax, dripping from it’s fixed position to coat your shoulders. He makes quick work of tugging you back down to earth, lying next to your limp body with an anchoring hand on your stomach. He coos you, whispering praise into your hairline.

The sun peeks through Miguel’s window, clouds moving on to the next town and leaving the still early morning to brighten up the sky. Your face feels hot in realization.

You’ve got a long day ahead of you.

* * *

All work is mine blah blah I don’t wanna go find my old copyright thing but I’ll piss in your water supply if you steal this.

[karouvas]

for the ask grid, an array of community pairings: jeff/britta, jeff/abed, troy/abed, annie/britta, britta/frankie, annie/abed

Jeffbritta — I really like them they compel me quite a bit! I thought about putting them higher but because part of their whole thing is that they’re the normie toxic hets who are so basic in concept that they work all the way around to be subversive and fun I thought this ranking made sense for them. Also it’s true that the first time I was watching Comm it took me awhile to warm to them but eventually did and then on my second watch through I got real attached. Hand in unloveable hand core. Trobed — they’re great they compel me Geothermal Escapism makes me cry so much. I don’t think I have anything really insightful to add they’re the moment. Abedison — in a lot of ways this is my favorite community dynamic… they are my two favorite characters so that’s part of it. I love them romantically or platonically or queer-platonically, they’re two bisexuals in love they’re lesbian bi solidarity they’re a yuri couple nonbinary Abed rights they’re in a qpr with Troy they’re in a polyamorous relationship with Troy they’re in a fake relationship to cover up identity fraud one if them (could be either) committee and/or a murder one of them (Annie) committed, they’re neurotic freaks who understand each other best and they’re worsties. I did write multiple romantic Annie/Abed fics during quarantine with an account that’s now orphaned. My feelings on them as a ship are less cut and dry than on Trobed and Jeffbritta though hence placements.

Jabed — I also go back and forth on platonic/romantic with them but either way am compelled, a fascinating dynamic and foil ship, the most important relationship of the show in some ways. Critical Film Studies is usually the episode that puts me in a shippy mood where they’re concerned because there are Vibes present in that one.

Brittannie — the thing with them is I find them compelling but mostly from an Annie perspective because I very much read her as having feelings for Britta at points in the show and am interested in what it means for her, I’m less interested in seeing them together romantically in most scenarios except for the Brittannie Carmilla au I wrote one time, that was compelling to Me. Also I do flip flop on how I feel about them if you’d asked me when I first got into community I would have been more enthusiastic and maybe I’ll change my mind again next rewatch.

Frankie x Britta — I remember being into them but I don’t remember the justification much but.. it’s a good dynamic cute first date idea surprise a girl in her car and bond over nihilism in a round about way. There is a balancing effect there.

[mangoisms]

WAITTT, I just saw ur reply to my previous comment. I didn't like Tim too (lmao). The debates between Tim and Damian fans can (and do) get so annoying that I just started disliking his character (not the greatest). Reading Red Robin on a whim was when I started to warm up to his character, he was just some weird dude. The sentiment about him being a chew toy...so real, and perfectly captures how I feel about him. He is so cringe-fail to me.

To touch upon Red Robin relationships...I wish I could peek into the writers' brains and conduct experiments to begin to understand what they were trying to accomplish...Tam, then Lynx II? Rekindling moments with Steph, and I always forget the last girl's name... I just never understood why they thought giving him so many love interests was necessary for the plot (he is quite literally spiraling, absolute rock bottom, can not go any lower, and yet forced so many women into his life; were they expecting me not to feel bad for them?). On top of that whole mess, the last few issues were like a fever dream, I can not properly summarize them for the life of me if asked.

On a side note, Circle K has also inspired me to pick back up my reading on Steph. I started in the summer, and the summer session (I completely forgot I signed up for classes?) completely ruined that for me...

Very random but, what are your thoughts on WFA? Everyone on Twitter is fairly convinced it's absolute garbage. I never read it myself, but I see complaints about characterization all the time. It also seems to be a lot of people's introduction to Batman-associated characters and content, so I can understand why people are upset if it truly is inconsistent with canon writing.

Young Justice anon (as always, hope you're doing fine and that school is manageable and well!!)

it’s so interesting that red robin 2009 is what softened you up to him because that run still remains a sour point for me HAHA like he is compelling but he is sooo annoying </3 getting into his origins in a lonely place of dying and then robin 1993 was what slowly got me, though he still actively annoyed me for a lot of it�� it’s Weird i know i like him in a silly weird way where he annoys me but. yeah. he is my chew toy ❤️‍🩹

oh absolutely it makes NO sense that he had so many love interests and. Ok rant incoming let me also put this under the cut because this got LONG

the thing that bothers me is that none of it was EVER addressed. for sure it was a questionable decision on the writers’ part but none of them had the thought to maybe address the fact that he was flip-flopping so badly? i consider tam to be the strongest out of all of them (as in the one with the most chances to have been with him) and even tim acknowledges that at some points and YET. he kept having those weird moments with lynx. like obviously he and tam weren’t necessarily in a relationship but There Was Something There and of course while tam remains ‘loyal’ to him, tim just gets to mess around with other people… and then when he needs something he relies on tam’s affection to help him out… and then of course the way their falling out was set up was sooooo obvious and i don’t think certain plot decisions are necessarily Bad when they’re obvious but they were clearly gunning for the usual ‘superhero withholds important information from the civilian love interest and they break up’ and i just feel like There were so many OTHER things they could’ve had a falling out over 😭😭😭😭 like Come on…

okay that got longer than i wanted sorry for the impromptu rant 😭😭😭😭 i just. argh. most of my grievances with it is the treatment of the female characters LOL but it’s honestly par the course for tim, he has a long string of love interests and those relationships have been. interesting. quality aside my favorites are probably tam and ariana, if only because they had So Much Potential. anyway!!!!

STEPHANIE MY BELOVED <3333 once you find the time (and i hope you do so you can rest! good luck with your classes <3) i would HIGHLY recommend batgirl vol 3, it’s her batgirl run and it makes up for all the shit that went on in war games (which i didn’t actually read, well i did read some of it, mostly steph’s parts, which i wouldn’t recommend because it is… heartwrenching) and it’s just SOOOOO good i have SOOO many thoughts on it. one of my favorite runs i’ve ever read!!!

umm i’m kind of in the middle on wfa. i read it when it initially came out and it was pretty neat! i liked the art for one. but i’ve stopped keeping up since then. as an elseworlds comic with no bearing on current canon, it can be fun! and it has some things i would like in canon (like them keeping babs as oracle, when current canon refuses to do so), but thats hmmm probably it? and honestly it’s not totally my taste, if only because characterization can be a bit iffy (there was one moment with jason early on that kind of turned me off a bit because. i’m sorry. He would not say that. but in fairness to wfa we have a lot of that going on around now in current comics! wrt him, dick, tim, etc) and well. i like drama HAHA. i have also seen that it is the ‘easy way’ to get into the bats and yeah, there’s nothing wrong exactly with that being someone’s introduction, but it should be kept in mind that it’s not canon and things aren’t like that at all in current canon at all! but yeah not everyone does that and it does admittedly get kind of annoying 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

it is kind of funny in that initially wfa wasn’t a true representation of the ‘batfam’ (at the time it was coming out. i think anyway) and more of an ideal glossy one that, well, ignores a lot to get it to that point. but now we seem to be having that go on in current comics, at least with their attempts to try and absolve bruce of his abuse (which i think they are doing in a dumb way that does absolve him of responsibility and agency and thus makes it. well. redundant. because he isn’t owning up to it and it ignores years of him doing it) so it is kind of. equally bad. except that wfa is elseworlds so it honesty can get away with it but uhhh. current comics don’t have an excuse and that’s. well. Hngh. kind of creates double the bad effect but ANYWHO!!!!!!

SO. YEAH. those are my thoughts. many thoughts. so sorry about that i just got carried away 😭 anyway!! good luck with your classes!!! thank you sm i am doing better too ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 i hope you’re doing well, take care of yourself!!!!

(also i am gonna go ahead and make a tag for you ^_^ under yj anon … if u have any emoji preferences lmk i was trying to think of something yj-relevant but not sure…)

[honorhearted]

SHIPPING INFO! ♡

Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog!

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? If this means overall, I'd never feel comfortable elevating one ship over the others on this blog. But if this is referring to Ben's overall canon, I don't truly have one! When I first watched Turn back in 2020, I didn't ship Ben with anyone -- my ships mostly came through fic experimentation and RP, so my favorites in that regard tend to be Ben/Peggy (the dramatic potential alone is *chef's kiss*), the found family aspect of Ben/Mary with Thomas as a surrogate son, and my always favorite bickering dynamic, Ben/Anna.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? Pretty much anything! The only thing I won't write is r.ape as a plot point. Don't ask me to do it, 'cause it ain't happenin'. In regards to tropes, enemies to lovers is my absolute favorite, so I wish there were more loyalist characters out there to throw at Ben.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? I've never encountered any discomfort while writing age gap ships, so I'd say as long as the characters are adults, I won't be bothered.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? It probably seems like I'm not since I have so many lol, but I do need there to be chemistry first. I've had to nicely take a couple people aside over the years and tell them it's not working out -- in those instances, we planned a ship before actually writing it, which I will never do again due to the potential discomfort/hurt feelings.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED N / SFW? For me, I always throw in a "read more" once a.rousal is mentioned, or once the physical touches progress beyond kissing. Sometimes, I just do it right from the get-go to save the dash from any potential awkwardness.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? Oh gosh, you're going to make me list out all my ships? *cuts to everyone chanting Ben is a h.oe in the BG* Okay, so I mostly tend to ship with OCs on this blog, so I'd say that's over half of my dynamics for sure. Then, I have an Anna, a Mary, and I used to have a Peggy; the rest of my ships are crossovers, and I love each and every one of my ships cuz my writing partners are fab-u-lous and make this experience so much fun. <3 If this is also asking about platonic ships, I have a lot of great friendships on this blog that I adore, as well as some sibling-ish and paternal-ish dynamics that make my heart go !!!! <3

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? I've never had this happen tbh. Like, maybe I'm just very easy to read, interest-wise, but whenever I'm interested, I kind of just shyly drop hints, and then we usually end up on the same page and shipping together. So no, nobody has to ask to ship with me, but I don't want to be forced into shipping something either. Getting sent a shippy ask when we've never even interacted before, for instance, isn't something I'm comfortable with.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? I mean, any time? lol

ARE YOU MULTISHIP? Yep!

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? I definitely get very invested in my ship threads, so I guess obsessed? But I'm also never going to ignore any non-shippy threads, 'cause I'm also very happy to write platonic/familial plots as well.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? I feel like I already answered this? lol It varies, because I never started off with a ship for Ben. I first started experimenting with Ben/Anna, so that has a nostalgia affection for me, especially since I don't write it so much anymore, but I also flip-flop in between Ben/Mary and Ben/Peggy as my absolute favorite, so I guess I just constantly switch between those three. OH, and thanks to Aly, I also really like Ben/Philomena cuz of the reverend's son/sultry actress appeal, 'cause *eyezooms* I love me some opposites! <3

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? Just befriend me! I'd like to think I'm pretty easygoing, but chatting with me in DMs is definitely a way to become ship partners, cuz I tend to WANT a ship if I'm actually friends with the mun. I've certainly had ships in the past where we didn't really talk, but those were never as fun.

TAGGED BY: Yoinked it!

TAGGING: Yoink it from me! <3

[crazyk-imagine]

Chapter V: You Decide

Characters: Sulane “Sullie” Celeste, Jasner ""Jas" Verbane, James Diamond, Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia, Hortense "Logan" Mitchell, Camille Roberts, Jo Taylor, Gustavo Roque, Kelly Wainwright, Katie Knight, Freight Train, Griffin  Warnings: Shenanigans, the boys being in "love", Sulane saving the day... again, bad drama like stupid drama, James showing signs he still wants his girl, Sulane making friends, Gustavo showing his love for our fav blonde girl Word Count: 4,559

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She doesn’t say much as they walk back to the Palm Woods, only offering a quick one worded answer, if necessary. She can’t stop thinking about the letters and how she’s had them the whole time. 

Part of her wants to throw the guitar case away to get rid of the anger she holds for her mother along with the slowly disappearing anger she’s had for the boys. But nothing can change the shock she feels. 

The gang set up camp in the living room of the boys’ apartment. 

Carlos taking over the bottom of the slide, with his helmet on. 

Kendall and Logan fighting over who gets the other side of the couch while James and Jasner sit and search for a movie. 

Sulane takes a pillow, holding it as she sits on the couch, zoning out. 

Once they’re all settled in their “zones”, Katie and Mama Knight left to their own sleeping area.  

Barely a half hour into the movie, James and Carlos are the first to pass out. Logan put up a fight but then things got weird because he somehow started sleeping with his eyes open. 

“How can he do that?” Jasner asks. 

“How should I know?” Sulane answers him. 

The raspberry lover shrugs, “I don’t know. Has he done this before?” 

“We’re all usually asleep and not seeing if anyone is sleeping with their eyes open. So, I’m gonna go with no.” 

“Could you sound crankier, Kendall? Take a nap or something.” 

“But then I’d miss the rest of the movie,” he argues with her. 

“Write down where you left off and watch it again tomorrow.” 

The leader whines. “That’s too much work.” 

“I’m this close to kicking you off the couch.” 

“Your fingers are touching.” 

“Exactly.” 

He grumbles and flops over on the floor, leaving his back turned toward the two. 

“Baby.” 

Kendall reaches up without looking and smacks her knee. 

“You know what we didn’t get to see today,” Jasner thinks out loud. 

“What?” 

“You ripping off his soul patch.” 

She groans, “I knew I forgot something.” 

“Do you think it was real?” 

“I’m gonna say no. He looked like he had a baby face in his new band.” 

“Oh, yeah. I see it now.” 

-

Some time passes and she can’t stop thinking about the letters she found. 

“Hey, Jas-” She sighs seeing the boy now passed out, like the others. She slowly exits the teenage boy dog pile sleeping area and sits down beside the island on the floor with her guitar case sitting in front of her, closed. 

Part of her wants to open it and read the letters but the other part thinks she should leave it alone, what’s happened in the past can’t be changed but she’s doing good at changing the future. 

At least, she hopes she is. 

She gulps and slowly pops open the case, carefully lifting the lid. 

A few of the letters fall on top of the guitar, she reaches for them and opens the first one on top. The date in the corner shows it was three weeks after she moved to the Palm Woods. 

Sulane didn’t finish all the letters as her head droops. She’s tired after everything that happened and knows she should sleep. She refolds the letter she was reading and closes the guitar case, setting it where she left it before to get whatever sleep she can. 

-

Even though she was the last one to fall asleep she’s the first one to wake up and get ready. 

“Oh,” Mama Knight says. “You’re up.” She wasn’t expecting any of them to be up right now. 

“Yeah. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I- uh- I found something and my curiosity got the better of me.” 

“You sure you’re gonna be okay today?” 

The teen girl smiles at her caring nature. “Yeah.” 

The older woman smiles, “do you want any breakfast while you wait for the boys to wake up?” 

“Not yet.” 

She nods, moving around the kitchen getting everything ready for when the boys wake up. 

Sulane takes a seat at the counter and starts working on her homework that’s due in a few days having a feeling that today she won’t be able to get ahead… or maybe something else will come up and she’ll procrastinate. 

“Why can’t they be like you and work on their homework when they have the time instead of playing video games.” 

“They’re teenage boys.” 

The mother sighs, “yeah, I know.”

S01 EP 05

Kendall’s the first to get up from the pool chair. “What time is it?” 

The other three pop up beside him, all four put their sunglasses on. “It’s girl time.” 

-

Sulane stays seated as she watches the four make fools of themselves. “Why?” 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this on animal planet before.” 

She turns to her friend who’s snacks on a bag of popcorn he made before they dragged him outside. “Good one.” 

They high five. 

“Shouldn’t you be at an audition?” 

“They pushed it back to later today.” 

She knows that’s not true. “Do you know your lines?” 

An offended scoff escapes him before he starts coughing. “I’m… fine,” he assures her with his voice now sounding hoarse. He grabs the water bottle he brought with him (for this exact thing) and drinks half of it before answering her. “I’m gonna go with Camille and see what happens. And I do to know my lines.” 

Sulane hums.  

-

“Talk to us when you get in the top ten,” Jennifer one tells the boys. 

“But not before,” Jennifer three adds. 

The Jennifers walk in front of the two. 

“Hey, Sullie,” Jennifer three greets her. 

“Don’t talk to it,” Jennifer one grabs three’s arm and tries to drag her away. 

Sulane pushes past the boys. “If you wanted it then you should have chosen it before I did.” 

“That doesn’t excuse you for choosing to write about the Ralph Lauren when we specifically chose him.” 

She pinches the bridge of her nose. “I know which is why I asked Miss Collins if we could switch or write about him as a group. Which clearly tells me that no one had talked to you three yet so, if you’re gonna hold a grudge against me over this minor inconvenience then-” 

“Come by our desks after class so we can get started on our paper,” Jennifer two intervenes. 

“Fine but don’t expect me to do all of the work.” 

“You won’t,” Jennifer one assures her. 

“Okay. See you guys later then.” 

The three smile, “see you later, Sullie.” 

And they’re gone. 

“Why can’t they ever be nice to us?” Carlos grumbles under his breath. 

The blonde smiles, knowing her friend’s plans are ruined. “Looks like you won’t have to wait too long.” 

“Damn,” Jasner mutters. 

The brunette stops in front of Kendall, using him as her target today. 

He holds in any screams of pain but that doesn’t stop his silent cry. 

“How could you? With my mom in the hospital, and my huge fight with my best friend, and my zit?” Camille says with an extra dramatic flair. 

Jasner hops off the couch, shaking the brunette’s arms. “No, you don’t get to talk me to like that, Amandria. I’m the one going through bigger problems.” He takes a deep breath. “I just caught my mother having an affair… with the pool boy and her accountant.” 

They both gasp, leaning their heads against each other, pretending that they’re staring at the camera. 

“Degrassi audition?” The boys ask. 

“Wish us luck,” she says, grabbing the raspberry lover and dragging him away. 

“Ow,” Kendall whines, rubbing his other cheek. 

“At least your even.” 

“Not helping, Sullie.” 

“Simms twins,” Carlos points out. 

The boys’ gasp. 

“Too risky.” James places a hand on Carlos’ chest, stopping him from moving any further. “They get pretty upset if you get their names wrong.” 

The corndog lover places his helmet on his head, patting it before going into “battle.” “Hello, ladies,” Carlos greets them. 

“What’s my name?” The Simms twin on the left asks, squinting her eyes as if she’s daring the boy to answer her. 

He pauses, not wanting to say the wrong name and also because he doesn’t want to die at the hands of the cute twins. Kendall shakes his head, waving his hands to stop him. “Uh… Mandy?” 

After they beat him up, they growl. “Sandy,” the three say. And the twins walk away. 

“You girls should be honored to be mistaken for each other,” Sulane shouts at the two. 

The girls pause, not turning around. 

“It means you’re both beautiful girls who should honored to be mistaken for one another.” 

The girls shrug and continue on with their day. 

The girl shrugs when she sees the guy’s weird looks. “They were gonna fight if I didn’t interfere.” 

The boys plop down onto the chairs. Kendall takes his sunglasses off. “Why can’t there be a nice, sweet, nice girl at the Palm Woods?” 

“Because you scare them off with your pheromones.” 

They ignore her and continue dreaming about their nice dream girl. 

“Somebody not crazy or stuck up. That’s still really hot,” James says. 

“That’s the pheromones again.” 

“From North Carolina,” Logan adds. 

“Yeah, I’m leaving,” Sulane packs up her stuff, leaving the four to drool bye themselves. 

-

“Well, it’s not really North Carolina but I’m sure you’ll enjoy your stay here,” Bitters announces, showing the new girl and her family around. “Let me show you to your apartment.” 

She rolls her eyes, smiling at the new girl, opening her mouth to greet her until the new girl bumps into her. 

“Oh, sorry,” the new girl apologizes. 

“It’s okay. I should have been paying better attention to where I was going.” Sulane notices the piece of luggage on the ground. “How long have you been here?” 

“Not long,” she smiles, holding out her hand. “I’m Jo.” 

“Sulane Celeste, most people call me Sullie.” 

“I love your name.” 

“Thanks. Once you settle into your place, come find me and I’ll show you around.” 

“Or you could help me find my place?” 

The teen shrugs. 

“I think my dad and the manager walked too far ahead of me.” 

“Key.” She turns the key over to read room number. “Okay, and if you’ll just follow me then we can get you situated in your dump.”  

“What?” Jo nervously chuckles. 

“The apartments aren’t the nicest things ever but once you do some minor decorating, you’ll be fine, and it’ll be a livable place.” 

“Oh. Good to know.” 

“Although there are rules on how you’re allowed to decorate but you’ll be fine as long as you have me by your side.” 

“I don’t know if I should be scared of you or not.” 

“I get that a lot.” 

“I don’t doubt that and thank you again for helping me.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Sulane shoves Carlos back into the pool and James onto his pool chair. 

All four keep their eyes on the two girls. 

They all start shouting, “she’s mine!” 

“What was that?” 

“Ignore them. They’re idiots.” 

They fight and struggle to walk closer to them. 

“Excuse me for just one second. You stay here.” Sulane walks back, Tyler pops up out of the trash can, holding a water gun for her. “Thanks, Tyler.” She stands a few feet from the boys. “Anybody want to try and get past me?” 

They don’t stop until she sprays them. “No! Bad dogs! No!” 

“You’re not Gustavo, you can’t use that nickname,” Carlos whines before jumping back into the pool. 

The others follow in suit, thinking it’s better than being sprayed.  

- Ah, ah, ah-ah, ooh -

“Today we are gonna sing a love song. It’s a slow song about love,” Gustavo explains. 

“The record company wants one of your demo songs to be a ballad,” Kelly adds. 

“Okay, does anybody else notice the huge guy in the corner?” Kendall asks. 

Sulane rummages through the studio for the tape they accidentally made last night, not wanting Gustavo or anyone else to find it since they agreed she wouldn’t be one of his clients. She clicks on the speaker button, “kinda hard not to. How you doing, FT?” 

“I’m doing good, thanks for asking.” 

She smirks, sticking her tongue out at the boys. 

“That is Freight Train, my new executive in charge of making people do what I say.” 

The large man then proceeds to punch the wall. 

“Was that really necessary for him to do? I think his height is more than enough to scare the boys, Gustavo.” 

The producer points to her. “You shush!” 

“He should at least get an x-ray.” 

“Shush!” 

“He needs his hands to keep them here.” He turns, muttering to his new hire that he should indeed get an x-ray later. “Now, this is a song about when you see a girl for the first time, and you know she’s the one. Do you guys know what I’m talking about?” 

They think back to what happened earlier that morning, thinking about the new girl in a way they imagine to be the perfect girl. 

At least, until James’ mind shifts and it’s Sulane walking out of the Palm Woods lobby. He turns around smiling when he sees her throw her hands up in frustration. 

The three boys start fighting, putting James in the middle of it all. 

Gustavo calls for backup and the boys are lifted and set back on their feet. 

Carlos gasps, “that was kind of fun.” 

The producer sniffs, pulling a disgusted face. “What is that smell?” 

The pretty boy pulls out his body spray, “it’s barracuda man spray. We’re-” He takes a breath. “We’re all in love with a girl at the Palm Woods, and this is my edge.” 

Sulane thins her lips, wishing she never saw James’ fake infomercial act. “Shouldn’t someone who knows how to use cologne or body spray use it?” 

“I know how to use it.” 

She tilts her head, “you’re close to smelling like lame lame.” 

He gasps, running towards the window, pointing at her. “Take it back.” 

She shakes her head. 

“Take it back.” 

“No.” 

“Take. It. Back.” 

The boys start fighting and Freight Train hauls them into the sound booth. 

“He is really good,” Gustavo mutters, proud of his decision. 

-

Sulane quickly hides the tape in her bag before sitting down on the couch, trying to take a nap until she hears the bad rhythm of the song and James’s sneezing. “Gustavo-” 

“I know! I know!” Kelly does her best to ease Gustavo’s annoyance before he asks his new hire to take them away. 

Kendall happily hops into Freight Train’s arms as they tease James. 

-

“You,” the produce gestures for Sulane to sit. “Stay.” 

She grumbles under her breath. “Yes, boss?” 

“You can drop the act. What did I hear on this tape?” 

She gulps. “Your… amazing creativity.” 

“Sucking up is your go to move right now?” 

“If you have the tape then take,” she takes the one she took out of her bag, “back.” 

“I thought you didn’t want to be a pop star.” 

“I don’t.” 

“This right here,” he turns up the volume. “Is pop star material.” 

“So?” 

“Let me make you a contract. Griffin, might actually like it more if you sang than be my assistants assistant.” 

“I am not a pop star that was me releasing my stress.” 

“You should release more stress. It’d make you money.” 

“Seriously?” 

“What?” He shrugs, “you can crack jokes, but I can’t.” 

She rolls her eyes, “maybe in another life, I’ll be a pop star.” 

“It’s gonna happen.” 

“Nope, I’m taking your job.” 

“That’s not funny!” He shouts as she walks through the door. “Although you’d do a good job at it,” he mumbles under his breath. 

-

Sulane sits down next to Jo. 

“Hey, you’re here,” Jo greets her. 

Sulane smiles, “so are you.” 

“What are you doing?” 

“Figuring out how to make a song sound better and make a company money.” 

“Are you an agent?” 

The girl chuckles, “no, why?” 

“You sound like an agent or… a producer?” 

A wide smile tugs at the corner of Sulane’s lips, “I’m starting to really like you, Jo.” 

“Thanks.” 

-

“They’re bonding,” Logan whispers in his British accent. 

“We can see that,” Kendall says, with a deadpan expression. 

“Then you know, this might not be good, governor.” 

“Would quite it with the accent?” 

“Never!”  

-

“Hey, do you want to head inside? It’s starting to get a little hot and my smoothie isn’t a smoothie anymore,” Jo asks. 

Sulane sighs in relief. “Oh, thank God. I feel like I’m melting.” 

-

Sulane turns her head as soon as Carlos pops out from behind the front desk. “No,” she shakes her head. “Ignore him,” she tells Jo, watching as he sits in the chair like a “bad boy”. “He’s insane and just escaped from his safe room.” 

Jo chuckles, “I’m sure that’s not true.” She turns to face Carlos, “hi, I’m Jo.” 

Carlos nods. 

“Cool jacket.” She gasps, “oh, are you going for the bad boy role in magic middle school? I mean, it’s a really strong roll but I hate bad boys in real life.” 

The boy lowers his sunglasses. 

“I mean, why so angry all the time?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name. I know Sullie told me but, I’m bad when it comes to learning names after hearing them once.” 

Carlos starts panicking, mumbling nonsense under his breath before he answers with a fake name in a British accent. 

“How exciting. Oh, my family visits there every year. What part of England are you from?”

 And he’s gone. 

Jo stares him confused, turning to get some answers from her friend only to find her red faced as she holds in her laughter. “Do you know what that was about?” 

The teen girl nods, unable to give her a verbal response as she continues to laugh. Sulane catches her breath and takes a minute to make sure she can answer her. “Yes, I do.” 

“Good. What’s going on with your friends?” 

“Well, you see, Jo. These things happen when a boy is trying give off his pheromones.” 

-

“Would it kill her to stop using the word pheromones?” Kendall asks the boys, stopping Logan from getting up to quickly to shoot “his” shot with the new girl. 

“Obviously, it would with how much she’s using it,” Logan adds and hops off the ground, straightening his collar as he heads over to the girls. 

-

“Pheromones?” Jo repeats, with her nose scrunched. 

“Yep, they all like you and want to ask you out. I recommend using the “I have a boyfriend” card.” 

“Even the ones who stare at you?” 

Sulane furrows her brows, “who?” 

Jo’s interrupted by Camille slapping the brainiac’s cheek. 

The non-actor starts clapping which may or may not be because she just ruined Logan’s chance to impress Jo. “That was even better than last time, Camille.” 

The girl smiles, “thanks. Oh, Jas said not to wait up for study group tonight. He’s going on another audition.” 

“Okay.” 

“So, that wasn’t real?” 

“The kissing I’m sure they both enjoyed but, the whole “insert name here”-” 

“Rachel.” 

“The whole thing with Rachel and destroying anyone, all one hundred percent fake... I think. She’s also an actress." 

"Oh, cool.” 

“Oh, hey.” 

“Yeah?” Jo asks, re-reading through the script. 

“Do you want to go get a slushie?” 

“Yes, please. I need to take a break from this. Are you gonna get licorice too?” 

“Why?” Sulane slowly asks. 

“You have a “I like licorice” vibe about you.” 

The teen girl places a hand on her chest, “thank you.” 

-

The two girls stand in the doorway of the lobby debating on if they should sit inside or outside. “My cabana’s open.” She grabs Jo’s hand. “Come on.”

The two sit down, Jo continues skimming through the script while Sulane works on her homework… that’s a lie. 

She’s procrastinating (but it’s okay because she’s ahead by three days) and is trying to figure out what’s wrong with the song. “The lyrics are good, but the speed and tempo is off. No,” she points to him. “Go away, Kendall. We’re busy, find someone else to flirt with.” 

He gives her a look and continues. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” Jo smiles at him. 

“I just wanted to welcome you to the Palm Woods. I’m Kendall, and uh-” 

Freight Train lifts him up. 

“This looks weird, right? Uh, we can continue this conversation when my friend Freight Train puts me down.” 

“Oh my god!” Sulane stands up, shoving everything back into her bag. “I got it!” She turns to the actress. “Sorry, Jo. Duty calls and I’m gonna be saving the day, again.” 

She chuckles, “that’s okay. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today, it really meant a lot.” 

“No problem. Once Camille is done with her auditions, we’ll have a girl’s day.” 

“I’d like that.” 

“I know, Cammie would too.” She marches in front of the two. “Onward, peasants!” 

“We’ll do this again some time,” Kendall waves at her. 

All five walk out of the Palm Woods, the leader and brainiac on Freight Train’s shoulders as the man drags the corn dog lover. 

-

“Okay, Gustavo. My favorite producer.” 

“Stop sucking up and get on with it.” 

“I know the answer to the song.” 

“No.” 

“What?” 

“This song is perfect just the way it is.” 

Sulane plops onto the couch. “I’ll be here waiting and when you come to your senses. I’ll be ready to help you.” 

“I don’t need helping!” 

“Yelling doesn’t get you far.” 

“Yes, it does!” 

-

The boys sing and Gustavo gets upset when James words aren’t clear through his mask. 

The girl hops off the couch and reaches for mic. “I wouldn’t trust him. You three got to talk to her and he hasn’t.” 

The boys’ glance at one another, wondering why she’s saying that when he clearly likes her… until James teases them and sprays more of his barracuda on before running away. 

The three try to escape only for the producer’s new hire to keep them inside. 

“I need more time,” Gustavo says, with a deep voice. 

“If you would just let me help-” 

He points to the control station, “no!” 

“You know, she could really help you,” Katie chimes in. 

“You there, shush.” 

-

The teen pulls her phone out of her pocket to find Kelly calling. “Yes?” 

“Can you go back to the Palm Woods? James is heading there now.” 

“Why me?” 

“They listen to you.”

She groans, “fine.” 

-

She walks through the front doors, finding no James there and continues till she gets towards the pool area. She sighs, seeing Jo and Camille sitting together as someone who looks an awful lot like her friend standing before them. 

She walks closer, rolling her eyes when he sneezes but grows concerned when she hears him scream and says, “what happened to my hands?” 

She can’t focus on much as she stares at him, completely shocked with how his body reacted to his body spray. “Oh my god,” she whispers. 

James screams again when he sees his face in the brunette’s compact mirror. 

The blonde grabs his arm. “Allergy shot time. Come on.” 

“I need to call Kelly.” 

“I got it just follow me.” 

The boys scream when they see him. 

-

The door to the doctor’s office burst open as James barrels through. 

Kelly and Sulane follow behind him. 

James starts freaking out until the teen rips off the helmet he grabbed (from where, she still doesn’t know) and pulls him in for a brief kiss, giving the doctor enough time to give him a shot. 

“That wasn’t that bad,” James says, before falling to the ground. 

The girl turns to Kelly with wide eyes. “Why did I do that?” 

The older woman fails to give her an answer right away. 

“He’s calmed down and that’s what we needed. You helped, okay?” 

Sulane checks her phone to see she’s got missed calls from Jo, Camille, and Carlos. “I have to go.” 

“Wait- no.” Kelly sighs. 

-

Sulane burst the lobby doors to find Logan singing. She rushes over to guitar dude and pulls out her guitar. “Match my speed?” 

“You got it.” 

She smiles until she turns around and finds the boys fighting. “Hey!” 

They stop. 

“Listen to the music and sing the song. We need to speed it up.” 

“Are you sure?” Kendall asks. 

“Trust me.” 

They don’t start right away. 

Sulane purses her lips. “Any kind a guy you want, girl. That’s the guy I’ll be.” 

They finally start chiming in when she needs them too and it’s perfect. 

“Yes, come on-” She sighs when she looks up, understanding why they sound so good… they’re still fighting but that’s not stopping her. 

And then Jo stops the fighting and tells them she has a “boyfriend”. 

Sulane starts cackling because she knows Jo took her advice. 

“Shut up, Sullie,” they sigh. 

“No, that was amazing!” 

The teen smiles, “thanks for finally acknowledging-” 

“I know what this song is.” 

“Oh, no. He’s still going.” 

“It’s not a slow love song; it’s a fast love song.” 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you!” 

“Shush. Katie. Do not finish that report until I finish this song.” 

“You mean, Sullie because she is technically the one who figured it out first.” 

“Fine. Freight Train, to the studio.” Gustavo tries to hop in his new hire’s arms only for it to not work out the way he wanted it to and is now sprawled out on the floor. 

The boys are quick to help him. Sulane looks up to see Jo with her hands up in defense, Camille probably told her that she’s claimed Logan as hers but then, the new girl turns to look at her and nods. 

The teen furrows her brows, wondering what Camille told her. 

-

Griffin walks in. “Scary girl.” 

“Griffin.” 

“I’m gonna sit now.” 

The boys start singing and Katie shoves his arm when the man shows no reaction to the song because, even she can admit, that it’s good. 

Sulane is ready to step in when the man gives the producer the green light and approves of the song. Now she chimes in when Griffin is admitting he still wants a slow love song. “And we will make that happen but sometimes the slow songs come later. I just- I don’t know about the word “baby” though.” 

“Fine, try to use the word. If you can’t, then I guess I’ll understand. Goodbye, scary girl.” 

“Later, Griffin.” 

-

“You forgot to write “I’m amazing”,” Gustavo tells Katie. 

“That’s because I wrote Sullie is amazing.” 

“What?” Katie gestures to the five of you jumping up and down. “She’s the one who figured it out and helped you with writing your future love song.” 

“Fine, she’s amazing.” The producer, Katie, and Kelly smile because they know it’s true. 

-

The boys can’t speak as the latest arrival to the Palm Woods speaks to them. 

“No,” the teen shakes her head. “Keep walking.” 

Katie fights the urge to chuckle and tells the new girl where the gym is. 

Sulane curls her index finger and thumb, whistling at the boys as they fight to follow her. “No.” 

“Why not?” Carlos whines. 

“No.” 

“I’d listen to her if I were you.” 

“Thanks Jas.” 

“No problem.”

Previously: Chapter IV // Continue: Chapter VI

[neptunium134]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Tagged by @leatafandom, thanks hun!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not specifically. My mum heard the name on TV and liked it, and she wanted the Irish spelling because my nan’s family is Irish  

2. When was the last time you cried?

Oof, honestly can’t remember. Maybe last month? Not sure what on though

3. Do you have any kids?

Only my fictional characters

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, never (yes, all the time)

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Depends on person to person. Usually how comfortable they are around me, or sometimes tiny little quirks they might have when they’re talking

6. Eye colour?

Blue-grey-green

7.Scary movies or happy endings?

I guess happy endings? Don’t really watch a lot of scary films tbf

8. Any special talents?

Does knowing pretty much all the lyrics to all of Westlife’s songs count? Or that I can flip-flop between TV shows while still knowing exactly what’s doing on? If not, no. I am a boring-ass person

9. Where were you born?

In a hospital several days early

10. What are your hobbies?

I say writing but I haven’t done writing in like a month (even tho I do creative writing at uni... eek), but I also read a lot (of fanfic) and I play hockey (when I can actually get to training), but I also over-analyse a lot of shit (some I’ve posted here, which I’ll need to get back to) and I watch a decent amount of shows

11. Have you any pets?

No, my brother’s allergic to fur and we go away too much for any other kind of animal. I do want a tabby cat and a dalmatian when I get my own place, though

12. What sports do you/have you play(ed)?

Hockey is the only current one I play, but I did play netball in secondary school as well

13. How tall are you?

5′2″ or 157.5 cm. I am a smol human being

14. Favourite subject in school?

History has and always will be, but I did also love Media once I could take it at GCSE

15. Dream job?

The big one is being an author, but realistically, anything in the writing profession. I do have being a teacher on standby, but I’m hesitant to persue it as it isn’t my first choice job and I think kids should have teachers who want to be teachers, not because all else failed

I tag @bwoahtastic, @kyoukai-kanata, @jxmieswxnter, @hecticwinter, @jules-and-company, @grilledcolgate, @minnnnnimin, @justyouwaitsunshine (I know it’s not 15 but I didn’t want to do 15)

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 21: Writing Update

Didn’t get to writing until pretty late BUT I did it, so. That’s what’s important. I wrote about 2800 words in about 1 hour and 50 minutes. That puts the total fic at 7,000 words and I have over half of the outline left, so...way too long for Troped.

This story could easily be 30k. It’s frustrating because at this point I don’t know where to put my attention. When I thought there was even a chance still of this being a Troped fic, it was clear that I should just write it furiously so I could meet the deadline. That’s a big reason I participate in Troped (and the community, and it’s fun, etc.). But now it’s like.... I guess I’ll just continue this because I’m kinda on a roll? It might end up being my only Halloween fic this year and I didn’t even intend to write it?

I’m not even sure if I like it anymore, in a way. Maybe this isn’t fair because I haven’t really been re-reading what I’ve written, and I did love the idea when I came up with it. But I’m really second- and third-guessing if I’m accomplishing what I want, and this fic has so many characters and I’m worried that the style of it is just... and he said and she said and he said and he said etc. Flat. Unappealing. That I have so many characters and so much of it is dialogue is why I’m pounding out so many words and so many in each sitting. But that doesn’t mean it’s good.

But then these are also my usual sort of anxieties about writing. They’re less important to me than my other concerns: is this the best way of spending my time, creatively, this Halloween? If I finish this and nothing else, will I be happy? Would it be better to drop this for now, put it on the WIP list, and pick up something else?

The main reason I’m still leaning toward working on this is because I AM writing big chunks of it at once and that’s more than I have been able to say for any other project in a while. Troped Madness is my main other project right now and THAT one also worries me, and perhaps with more reason. I’ve worked on it for so long, in terms of planning and figuring it out, and I’ll be really bummed if it turns out to be a flop by my own personal standards. If it takes even longer to make it not a flop, time in re-writing, time in re-evaluating, then I’ll do it, because I care about the fic. In other words, if I switch tracks, it won’t necessarily be that I’ll post a different fic in the days before Halloween, it might be that I post no fics in the days before Halloween, and that would really suck.

I don’t know. It’s been getting better. Like, life. I do better when it’s not as hot. But I am still struggling in basically the same ways that I have been. So, writing is a part of that--I don’t know what I’ll finish or when. I will say that the process that led me to complete Slide (Shining Like the Bad Part of a Good Time) was satisfying. It was slow and I didn’t finish when I wanted to, and it was unsurprisingly not exactly a hit, lol, but I did it and I like what I ended up with, and if that has to be my process for everything, that’s fine. Eventually, I’ll drop ideas off the list. Right now I still like the illusion that someday, somehow, I’ll get to them all.

Maybe it is the case that I need to write fic now that I’ll post next September/October. I joke that way to myself but...yeah. I get this anxiety about finishing by Halloween because even though my Halloween spirit lasts until Thanksgiving, I feel like most people have moved on to Christmas by November 1 and it’s just... even harder to sustain the mood. It’s silly to think that people care about what I write ever but nevertheless, the unreasonable anxiety is, by definition, unreasonable! Working on stuff at my own pace and then posting later, in other words sort of collecting a little pile of stuff and de-coupling the writing/editing of it from the posting/sharing of it, might be where I need to go.

At any rate, I’ll continue with this “Troped” fic until I can’t stand it, and to help me feel the urgency, I’ll try to get it done by the time voting opens so I can post to non-anon then and be included perhaps in the fic round up as a bonus, non-competitive entry.

[srslysierraa]

Hello Sierra dear! I was wondering if I could request something for security breach? You could pick your favorite character. Perhaps reader could be the animatronic handler. You know making sure they’re ready to go on stage. Checking on them when the pizza plex opens and closes.

I hope you’re having a nice day dear!

Sugar Routine.

Prompt ;; as someone who regularly gets involved with the animatronics, it's not out of nowhere for them to be fond of you more than they would to the usual person. Now, here's your schedule for the day.

Type ;; one-shot + headcanons, fluff!

Chars. Involved ;; g. freddy.

A/N ;; AAAAAAA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REQUESTED??? It's such a pleasure writing for one of my fav fnaf sb writers!! I love ur writings sm,,, especially the found family one- *wreches heart*. ALSO, i made em into hcs and small fics at the bottom, i hope that's okay. Anyhow, enjoy!!

AFTER POST EDIT :: I'M SO MAD I WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE FOR FREDDY AND MONTY AND POST THIS TOMORROW BUT I ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED POST AND NOW I HAVE TO PUT ON TAGS AFTER IT WAS POSTED EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT DONE YET AND FOR THAT REASON PLS DON'T FLOP <|3. CURSE YOU TUMBLRRRR I HAD SO MUCH IDEAS FOR MONTY.

Glamrock Freddy.

Your schedule insists of getting into the Pizzaplex, go through each of the ‘main’ animatronics' green room, do your daily check-ins with them, before taking them down to part and service so they can emerge up using the main stage.

As always, Freddy will always be the first and foremost that you visit.

Though you don't immediately do the things you needed to do and whatnot, sometimes you just kinda laze around the Pizzaplex until the appropriate time comes. Which is around one hour and a half before the show begins.

So what do you do before then? Well, the usual is eat, check in on the other day guards, make sure the stage is well and prepped, fix your current outfit, maybe apply make up if you were to wear 'em.

And your favorite, just kinda hang around and chat with Freddy in his room, as kids would go and get a picture with him before the show starts.

You'll talk about how you'll look into his voicebox if he has a complaint about it, like how it sometimes glitches mid performing, etc.

Or you guys would just laugh about random things such as dad jokes, things you guys find funny, or past occurrences that just kinda left a good memory on the both of you.

Then the alarm on your phone rings, meaning it's time to start the checkups.

"Alright big guy! Time to stand up and face me." You exclaimed, he does as told before doing the proper movements that he usually does on every checkups. He'll open your mouth for you to look into, opens his hatch and closing them again to ensure its not loose or that it'll randomly open during the show.

Taking your small pocket flashlight, you traced the light around in front of him, telling him to follow the light to make sure the bright rays of the spotlights wouldn't cause a malfunction or stunt him. You knew how sensitive they are to flashing lights, aside from Monty that is. "How does that feel?" "Unbelievably uncomfortable!" He said in an 'a-okay' tone, as if it's not obvious. You laughed softly at him before taking the flashlight, and moving the lights all around him.

"How about this?" You asked again, "Not as bad, as always." His voicebox boomed softly, you gave a nod of approval. "You know the drill, don't directly look at the lights above you and focus on the audience instead."

After a few more basic tests, he was escorted to Parts and Services to wait before the show starts, then you moved on, giving him a small, "Good luck, Freddy!" And you swear you heard a faint, "Thank you, Superstar." As you leave.

Once the Pizza Plex starts closing, you once again went to check on the Animatronics as it is your duty.

Sometimes, you can see him struggling to stay still while the family taking pictures of their kids with Freddy, the family obviously turned on Flash while using the camera.

You had to warn them that the Animatronics are prone and weak to bright flashing lights, before they apologized and decided to take another picture without the flash.

The difference on how relaxed Freddy is now is unbelievable.

That said, the family said their goodbyes while Freddy gave the little kid a small water bottle themed after him as a present, the smile on the little boy was very precious to say the least.

You didn't do any checkups, but you are going to ask him if he feels anything different or abnormal during performing.

If he says no, then you'll let him go to his own devices. Before so hyping him up for how good he was on stage.

"Ah, thank you, Superstar. Wouldn't be able to do them if you hadn't done your job spectacularly!"

Bear hug!

Working with Freddy has always been so enjoyable, you seriously have never felt so lucky.

[anashins]

The Right Kind of Wrong

Title: The Right Kind of Wrong

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: hate to love, cheating, college!au, friendship, romance, smut

Warnings: smut, cheating, cursing, toxicity

Word Count: 8.454

Summary: There are many reasons for you to hate Jung Jaehyun. Aside from being cocky and selfish, the fact that he is dating your best friend is another one of them. But his mesmerizing smile - to hell with it - just isn't.

____

There were at least a hundred things you hated about Jung Jaehyun.

The fact that he was dating your best friend was just one of them.

Not a single day had passed by in the last year in which she hadn’t complained about her boyfriend having flirted with another woman, having ditched her again, going to a party and ignoring her all night, or simply dragging her mood down by one of his unpredictable and hurtful actions.

Aside from being cocky, selfish, arrogant and reckless, Jung Jaehyun was absolutely incapable of being a decent human being for more than ten seconds, and you were wondering why he was so damn popular despite all his faults.

When you went out with your friend group, he mocked the boys trying to hit on you, telling you they were so desperate for that move. When you were attending the same class, he purposely sat down next to you to distract you from the lesson. When he was at your dorm, he kept moving your things onto high shelves, knowing you couldn’t reach them.

And his smirk everytime he did so… his smirk every time he mocked you was so annoying. But also so hot.

Fuck, you thought whenever his mischievious eyes met yours again, and you had to turn away, at a loss for words and afraid he’d caught you flushing. You were so ashamed, because you actually wanted to hate him.

There were many reasons for you to hate Jung Jaehyun, but his mesmerizing smile wasn't one of them.

You hadn’t hated him from the first moment that you two had officially met as you had gotten introduced to each other through your best friend who was also your dorm mate, though. She had found him on a dating app, and you had found him sitting in your class two days later, talking back to the professor.

Back then, you had started admiring his intelligence and courage. But those were the only two positive things you had spotted so far as you only tried to stay as far away from him as possible, emphasizing his negative character traits over and over again.

But the truth was that staying away from him was a very hard thing to do, and you fought every day for your sanity, trying to be a good friend and suppressing your controversial feelings for a man who was absolutely forbidden to you.

“He went drinking last night and I saw an instagram story of him grinding against another girl on the dancefloor!” your best friend complained in your arms, tears on the verge of flowing. “Who’s doing that even?!”

A few pairs of eyes turned into your direction, but when you threw fierce glances at the people staring at you, they passed by very quickly.

When you had been invited to your friend Johnny’s house party, you hadn’t expected to be spending the evening comforting your best friend, even though that had been your daily routine for the past three weeks.

It had grown toxicly usual for Jaehyun and her to fight in a two to three day rhythm over the smallest things, and although their wonky relationship or whatever it was hadn’t been very steady before with them breaking up nearly monthly, lately it had grown almost obnoxious.

“Why don’t you just break up with him?” you suggested again and immediately felt your heart sink.

It wasn’t like you wanted them to break up because you wanted Jaehyun for yourself. You’d never do that to her.

Your best friend was just constantly hurting, and it hurt you just as much when you saw her suffering so greatly. Jung Jaehyun wasn’t a good guy, and you both knew. Yet, she couldn’t let go of him. You knew exactly how that felt.

Even if they were to break up, he wouldn’t belong to you. Because a friend’s ex was a taboo. So having Jaehyun gone entirely from your lives would kill two birds with one stone.

“Not that again!” your friend whined and retreated from you, sinking into the couch with her arms crossed and no signs of tears anymore. “I can’t! I mean… look at him! He’s so hot, and don’t get me even started about his skills in bed. That’s where we usually make up, you know, so-”

“I’m going to get you something to drink!” you interrupted her and jumped up. “You totally need a cocktail now! To come to your senses!”

You loved your best friend dearly, but you didn’t want to hear about Jaehyun’s skills by all means. At some times, your friend didn’t have a filter, and then, it only spiraled downhill from there. You heard them often enough in the dorm, that was already pushing you to your limits.

When you entered the kitchen, you reached up to get a glass from the shelf, but like most of the times, you were too short for the remaining ones at the very top.

“Here, let me help you.”

A soft voice echoed from behind you, but before you could turn around to follow the tone, the guy had already heaved up his arm and reached over you to the very top of the shelf to get you a glass.

Shifting around, you faced the mischievous expression of the young man you had wanted to avoid and who your best friend was currently crying over.

Without a “thank you”, you reached out your hand to grab the glass from Jaehyun, but he immediately shot his arm up to bring the glass high over his head and far out of your reach.

“You think a simple ‘thank you’ is too much for you?”

“Fuck off, Jaehyun.” You crunched with your teeth and narrowed your eyes. “I’d rather die of thirst!”

“What did I do again?” He rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner as though his high spirits got ruined. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me everything she saw from last night!” you defended your friend. “That’s enough for me to get the picture!”

“Okay, and did the picture somehow include me pushing the girl away after she had grinded on me?”

You gulped.

“Just as I thought.”

He placed the glass on the counter, but somehow, this hadn’t got your both’s attention anymore.

“There are two sides of the same coin, yet all you've ever done was looking only at one.”

He approached you, and the rising hotness in your cheeks made you withdraw until your hips bumped into the kitchen counter.

Jaehyun leaned in and propped his arm against the same spot right next to your hip as he asked, “I know you’re her best friend, but being a friend doesn’t mean supporting your friends delusional, one sided thoughts into oblivion. Being a friend sure means to support, I’m not denying that. But being a true friend means to tell someone when they’re wrong. And I am not the one at fault here, y/n.”

“You were doing many stupid things to hurt her in the past!” you started blabbering just to bridge over the silence you’d get when you would stare at his mesmerizing eyes for a little longer. “How am I supposed to believe you?”

“You aren’t supposed to believe me.” He retreated, with the glass in his hand. “All I’m asking for is a chance to explain myself.”

Again, you were flabbergasted by the way he expressed his thoughts that stood in contrast to his questionable behavior. One of the main things that fascinated you. But you quickly turned this feeling into hate by recalling his wrongdoings from the night before.

Looking at the glass, Jaehyun continued, “Yes, there were many things I did wrong in the past. And I’m not going to pinpoint my finger at my girlfriend to tell that she was doing just as many questionable things as me. But people have reasons for doing the things they do. That’s probably why we’re such a good match.”

You didn’t understand a word. In your eyes, and you only knew about their relationship by what your friend told you and what you observed when you were hanging out, the two weren’t a good match at all.

He was the one constantly hurting her feelings, and she was the one to always get hurt.

Or... wasn’t it?

Jaehyun then thrusted the glass into your hand. “You’re lucky, y/n, you know that? It must be so great, living that freely, without any burdens… So oblivious to everything.”

With these words, he disappeared from the kitchen, leaving you behind all alone with the glass in your hand.

You looked at the item, your face getting reflected in the crystals to unrecognizability while Jaehyun’s words still kept you occupied. They had such an impact on you that you suddenly started to question whether your hate against him was actually valid.

When you stepped out of the kitchen yourself with a full glass of your best friend’s favorite cocktail in your hand, you found her in Jaehyun’s arms again, wildly kissing, his kind words suddenly vanished from your mind upon spotting them.

Instead, there was a little monster called jealousy sitting right inside your chest.

___

“8am in the morning! Who even places classes that early?!”

With a groan, Jaehyun flopped down in the seat next to you.

“Shut up, class is about to start.”

“Man, you must be really fun at parties,” he replied. “The professor is not even here yet.”

“You’re annoying, Jung Jaehyun, and if you weren’t dating my friend, I wouldn’t actually talk to you at all.”

“What are the odds we’re still connected to each other, huh! Tell me, y/n, what did I ever do to you? How did I ever hurt you? We’ve never even really spoken with each other ever since we’ve gotten introduced.”

“And I am grateful for this every single day.”

“What is it that you hate about me so much?” he questioned further, his eyes challenging.

But with your eyes straight ahead and no words on your lips, you ignored him as the professor entered the room only a short moment after, announcing the class’ start.

Your pen flew over the sheet, noting down the professor’s words when suddenly, goose bumps spread all over your arm.

When your eyes followed the trail to its source, your right elbow touched Jaehyun’s left one as a result of your hectic writing motions as you had moved too far to the side. The spot on your skin was so warm and so…

You withdrew your arm right away, placing it back to where it usually belonged, but Jaehyun’s own limb had moved so far to the left that you had no place to rest it next to your notes anymore without having his skin barely one inch apart from you. You weren’t touching anymore, but he was so close that you still felt him somehow.

Of course you could drop your arm and place it on your lap as the professor had stopped presenting the most important points of this lesson. Of course you could just move further away with your entire belongings, but the fact was that you didn’t. That you couldn’t.

Instead, you were fixating your eyes on the board right in front of you, listening to your professor’s words but not actually understanding a single syllable that he uttered as your heart beat fast against your chest.

You hoped that Jaehyun didn’t notice how desperate you were for him not to shift away right now. That you actually enjoyed it, but felt so much hatred at the same time. Not against him, but against you - for feeling this way.

“Can you answer my question, Miss y/n?”

Your eyes widened in shock as you got addressed by the professor by your surname. You were actually a good student who was always paying attention in class. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t have happened. But now you got caught red handed not listening to him, and he was a very strict lecturer.

“I… um…” you stuttered.

“The answer to my question, Miss.”

“Yes… the answer…” You gulped as you didn’t even know the question. “The answer is…”

From the corner of your eyes, you perceived how a sheet was slowly moving into your direction from Jaehyun’s place. His finger was pointed at a paragraph that you had also noted down only shortly before.

Suddenly, you knew what the question was about and answered formally to the professor’s task.

With your heart having calmed down after the shock, you let yourself sink down on your seat again. You had gotten distracted only once by something that shouldn’t bother you at all.

This wouldn’t happen again, you swore to yourself.

____

“No ‘thank you’ again from you?”

You turned around to Jaehyun who had rosen a brow at you. “Is this becoming your thing now? Asking for ‘thank yous’?”

“Is this becoming your thing now?” he returned. “Not saying ‘thank you’? I saved your ass in class.”

“Well, I haven’t asked for that, so go beg somewhere else for attention.”

You made your way through the crowded club, feelling the bass under your feet and the techno music in your ears. Jaehyun was following suit.

“Do you want some kind of reward from me? Because you’re not going to get it.”

“I don’t want a reward. Hey.”

He reached out and grabbed you by your arm, right there on the dancefloor. The feeling from this morning returned, but in a higher intensity as it spread all over your body.

“All I’m asking for is respect.”

You snorted. “Respect? Do you respect my friend when you destroy her weekend plans to go drinking with your friends instead? Do you respect my friend when you dance ass on ass with another girl? Do you respect my friend when you hurt her feelings with your rude words? I don’t like you, Jung Jaehyun, because you’re a bad person, and respect is the last thing you’ll ever get from me!”

You yanked yourself out from his grip and disappeared in the mass. What was up with him? Why was he bothering so much lately and evoking all these controversial feelings inside you by acting like this? He should just stay away.

With your eyes closed, you started to move with the music, all by yourself there on the dancefloor. You wanted to collect your thoughts, but as the music flooded through your body, you realized that thinking about nothing was probably the best way to cope with your inner struggles right now.

You opened your eyes widely when you suddenly felt a hand on your bum.

Turning around with much anger reflected in your mien, you stared at a boy around your age who grinned at you seductively. Your fierce gaze was probably mistaken for an invitation when he approached you further, grabbed you by your hips from the front and pressed you against him.

With his lips on your ear, he whispered, “I like what I see.”

And you wanted to scream. You probably did, but it got drowned out by the loud music, and his grip was way too hard for you to free yourself that easily as you shuffled in his arms.

“Let me go!”

Yet, his hands roamed around your private areas like they owned it.

“HEY!”

Before you could scream once more, the guy got dragged away from you by the last person you had expected it from.

“She said let go of her, you asshole!”

Jaehyun grabbed him by his collar, and his height and angry expression alone were probably enough for the other guy to nearly piss his pants as he hastily mouthed,

“I’m so sorry!”

When Jaehyun let go of him, he slipped off silently and wasn’t seen again.

You stood there awkwardly with your arms hugging your chest, still digesting the happenings.

“Did he hurt you?” Jaehyun asked when he leaned in for you to understand better.

You shook your head.

“Do you want to go outside?”

You nodded.

Jaehyun took you by your hand to lead you through the dancing crowd, and you didn’t protest.

This gesture was the total opposite to the disgusting one from the guy who had harassed you shortly before. This touch was raw and chaste. Nothing to be ashamed of and fight against, but something you wanted to accept wholeheartedly.

When you stood outside of the club, Jaehyun let go of your hand, and you finally whispered the words that he had been longing to hear for quite a time,

“Thank you.”

Against your expectations, he didn’t mock you or return witty words. With his eyes locked with yours, he sincerely told you,

“You’re welcome.”

That was the moment it dawned on you that Jung Jaehyun had more positive sides to him that you had always wanted to blend out. But perhaps, you had reached a point in which this wasn’t possible anymore.

You couldn’t continue keeping your eyes closed to all the kind sides of him. Because the more he showed you, the more you’d open your heart for him.

To you, Jung Jaehyun had to remain a bad person, otherwise you’d fall for him, and falling for your best friend’s boyfriend was a taboo.

“Hey, what are you two doing outside?!” Speaking of the devil, your best friend jumped out of the club’s door and into your direction. “Isn’t the music fun?”

Jaehyun looked at you, waiting for your reaction. You knew that if you wanted to go home, he’d follow. If you wanted to stay, he’d stay too, not letting you out of his sight. Because - and you couldn’t repeat this often enough - Jaehyun was actually a good person.

“I want to go home,” you decided. “You can stay, though! Please just let me be the party pooper all alone, I don’t want to spoil your night.”

“Oh, what a pity!” your friend said with a pout. “You always leave when the party is about to start!”

You shrugged with a weak smile, tired of fighting. “Yeah, I guess so. But I still have a lot of pages to revise.”

“Shall we take you back to the dorm?” Jaehyun offered in a caring voice that you apparently encountered for the first time, and your friend immediately shot a reproachful glare at him.

“Are you being serious right now?” she complained. “She’s a grown ass woman who can go home alone!”

His eyes hadn’t left yours. “I’m talking to her, not you.”

Had it always been like this? Her caring about herself more than about you? If it were the other way around, you wouldn’t let her go home alone in the middle of the night, no matter if you knew something had happened before or not.

Suddenly, you saw your best friend from a whole other perspective. Suddenly, she was the one having Jaehyun on a leash, and he was the one fighting back for his rights, not against her.

Two sides of the same coin… If you were to flip it, would your entire world view change?

For a moment, you hesitated. But not wanting to disturb your friend’s evening, you gave in with a, “It’s okay, I can go alone. Have a nice night!”

But Jaehyun held you back when he insisted on calling you an uber for which he even paid while your best friend continued pouting on the side.

____

“FUCK YOU, JAEHYUN!” you heard your best friend scream later that night from her room, every syllable of hers clearly to hear in your own room while you laid in bed later that night.

The hours before had passed by in a trance as you had only fallen onto your mattress face forward after having quickly changed into your pj’s, that was how much of a toll the day had taken on you.

You just wanted to forget what had happened in the club, but also the thoughts that had constantly been in your mind all the way home that only revolved around Jaehyun. So sleep was the best solution, and you would have gladly continued doing so if there weren’t your best friend and Jaehyun arguing loudly next to you for an hour already.

Then, Jaehyun seemed to return something to which she screamed again, “I DON’T FUCKING CARE!”

Stomping followed the brief silence, a door getting opened, then shut again, and footsteps moved into the direction of the entry door before it fell close behind Jaehyun.

This was a nearly weekly experience for you lately, and usually, you’d just miss hearing their arguments, but this time you couldn’t help but to wonder what they had been yelling about. You just hoped it wasn’t because of you and what had happened to you earlier, because in your eyes, Jaehyun had done nothing wrong.

He had been so incredibly nice and thoughtful that you started to doubt their relationship.

You turned in your bed, wanting to fight those thoughts so badly. Jaehyun was your best friend’s boyfriend, and hence, forbidden fruit for you. But you just couldn’t stop your imagination from running now.

What it would be like in your best friend’s place and get treated like this every day, and the worst part was that you didn’t even feel bad about betraying her in your mind.

Fuck, you only thought and sat straight up in bed, now surely not being able to grasp a light thought to accompaby you back to lseep anymore.

Feeling safe to leave your room ten minutes later as your roommate must have fallen asleep by now, you didn’t think about sleep anymore but wanted to get a glass of water from the kitchen to calm yourself down.

Perhaps, tomorrow, you’d have another look at the entire situation, you tried to convince yourself. After a few more hours of sleep, all these confusing thoughts and feelings might have already been forgotten.

“Cannot sleep yet?”

You turned around and found a half naked Jaehyun only dressed in boxers right in front of you. The empty glass of water in your hands got placed back on the counter with shaky fingers.

“What are you doing here?” you contered.

“Well… she suddenly left.” He shrugged. “We’ve been arguing. You sure haven’t missed that one.”

“I didn’t.”

Still, you were wondering what that was all about, but didn’t want to ask. He lifted the weight off your shoulders himself though.

“It was about you.”

“Oh…?” You gulped.

“When you were gone, I went back to that guy and didn’t let him go that easily. They threw me out of the club and your friend thought I'd ruined the night for her.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

You wanted to make your way around him, but he blocked your way as he didn’t move to make space for you to pass by the door.

“What’s making me a bad person, y/n?” Jaehyun suddenly asked. “ The way I saved you in class? In the club? Tell me.”

“You cannot be serious right now. It’s 5am, draw a number for another day.”

You wanted to slip under his stretched out arm, but he moved his body to block you again. “Number one. Now tell me.”

“Because those have been the only times you were nice to me, Jung Jaehyun!” You clenched your fists, breathing in deeply. “When we go out with our friend group, you mock the boys trying to hit on me, telling them they’re so desperate for that move!”

“Because I heard them speaking about you before,” he declared. “They were not looking for something serious but only fun, one had even placed a bet. I tried to spare you from this embarrassment and eventual lovesickness. Go on.”

“When we’re in the same class, you purposely sit down next to me to distract me from the lesson!”

This one let him smirk. “Because I always saw you sitting there alone. You have no friends in that class, and I thought you might need some company. Besides… I knew you couldn’t afford that book we needed, and I purposely always shoved it into your direction when the professor read from it. Have you never noticed?”

Now you have. And you were flabbergasted.

“Wh… when,” you stuttered, “you’re over here, you always move my stuff onto high shelves, knowing I cannot reach them!”

“Because I love to see the defeated look on your face and your cute pout when you have to ask me to get the things for you.”

You didn’t know what to say further as you stood there, frozen on the spot. You hadn’t seen this answer coming.

“Anything else?”

Yes, there were many things you hated him for, and you wanted to throw them all into his face, but as he was standing there in front of you, not even one more came into your mind.

“I just hate you to the core!” you hissed.

But with calmness in his voice, he only turned, “No, you don’t.”

And then, it was all only a blur.

You wanted to push him away, but instead, you found yourself nudging against his body. You wanted to free yourself from his grip, but instead, you wrapped your arms around him. You wanted to escape from his kiss, but instead, you kissed him back in the same passionate manner he kissed you.

Jaehyun’s hands roamed all over your lightly covered body while his lips moved against yours, touching every spot he had missed out on during the entire time he knew you, because you had always pushed him away.

But now that you had opened up to him, you were scared the time window was about to close very soon, so you had to work fast.

You jumped on him, hooking your thighs around his waist while his hands instantly clung around your buttocks to give you the support he needed to carry you to your bedroom. Your hands remained interlaced on the back of his neck when he placed you onto your bed and laid himself between your legs.

Thrown overboard were all your morals, priorities, and the friendship to the person that meant the world to you. You didn’t want to think about all that, but were longing for him so desperately that you wondered for how long you had been suppressing that desire already.

Jung Jaehyun was hot. But he was a bad person.

Or… wasn’t he?

You desperately ground upwards against him, feeling him growing between your legs, and you brought your hands down to massage his length. Jaehyun interrupted your kiss as he hadn’t expected this move to come, and groaned into your ear.

You smirked triumphantly, your hands kneading muscles until he was pressed hard against your palms. Tucking your fingers into the waistband of his boxers, you slid the garment from his hips, revealing his bum. Your hands glided along his curvy, soft mounds, grabbing into them like you were testing ripe peaches.

Jaehyun was pecking your lips as you slid your hands under his body again and closed around his entire girth. He stopped for a moment, but the second he continued on, you started moving your hands, top on top, along his length.

Not being able to concentrate on the feeling down there and kissing you simultaneously anymore, you perceived how Jaehyun got weak with supporting his body on his own arms that he had rested to the left and right of your head. So you decided to take the lead from here on.

Sitting up yourself, you put your palms on Jaehyun’s chest and pushed him backwards onto the mattress. He watched you with surprised eyes, but didn’t protest as you sat on his thighs, eyeing his member with much anticipation.

You slid further down his legs, nearly close to his ankles, and bowed down. With your fingers wrapped around the base of his dick, you led him to your mouth. First letting the tip pass by your lips, then his entire length up until the very middle.

You only heard him swearing, “fucking shit,” before Jaehyun covered his face with his arm placed over his eyes and his other clasping the sheet by his side. Your hair grazed over the area around his navel while you moved your head up and down, cautiously slow at first to give yourself time to adapt to his length.

Then, you started bobbing your head, increasing the speed with every time you came up and nearly let him slip out, your fingers that had closed around him sliding in the same rhythm, adding to the pleasure. The slurping noises that came along with this act filled the room until they got drowned out by Jaehyun’s moans.

He directed his hand towards your head and grabbed it by the back, ruffling your hair between his fingers while he started to thrust upwards, meeting you halfway in the fast motions. Like this, he was able to reach deep within you, but still not far enough so that he could hurt you.

When you witnessed him twitching his legs, you stopped, held him still by the base and decided to tease him further a bit before you allowed him to release himself. With the tip of your tongue, you touched his glans, trailed along the slip and then circled around the entire top part.

Jaehyun’s swearing words came in a never ending trail like a waterfall that you couldn’t really understand all syllables from, but you were sure you did a good job and rewarded him for being patient with the motions from before again, but this time with added pressure and passion.

Suddenly, he grabbed you by your arm, urging you to stop.

“Or else I’m gonna cum,” he said and sat himself up, flipping you around so that you laid under him again.

Hastily, you got rid of your top while Jaehyun worked on your sleeping shorts until shortly after, you were both lying naked on top of each other. You wanted him desperately inside you, because you just didn’t know when you’ve had had sex the last time, but instead of wanting to get through this fast, Jaehyun took his time.

That was when you realized that this entire joining was probably more to him than just sex to get it off. You had thought that because he hadn’t been able to get it tonight from your best friend, he’d take it from you. But the way he touched you insisted otherwise.

If it wasn’t more than just sex, he wouldn’t trail his fingers over your ribcage in feathery-light motions, admiring every inch of your body. If it wasn’t more than a body-focused act, he wouldn’t place soft kisses not only on your mouth, but also onto your forehead, your cheek, your neck… If it wasn’t more, Jaehyun wouldn’t be so damn thoughtful and tender.

He remained his tenderness and his gaze didn’t leave your eyes as well when he finally nudged between your thighs, pushing forward until he filled you up to the brim.

Restraining himself from starting to move right away, Jaehyun took his time to ask you whether you were okay at first when you let out a quiet “oh” that alarmed him. But you were eager to calm him down when you explained that it was only because you hadn’t been with a man in so long, and somehow, after speaking it out, it made you feel embarrassed.

As the boyfriend of your best friend, he’d surely know when you had been in contact with a man the last time, and you hated yourself for being so pressured by society to feel ashamed of who you were and how you lived your life.

But instead of judging you, Jaehyun only nodded and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, and suddenly, you were flooded with such a warm feeling towards him that you nearly cried. Rarely had you encountered a man so considerate and caring.

“Tell me when I can go on.”

You bit your lip and felt the uncomfortable pressure in your nether regions getting replaced by a feeling that you hadn’t encountered in so long. A feeling that made you want more, want him.

Holding onto his shoulders with both of your hands, you nodded back at him with a smile which he then returned. When Jaehyun started thrusting in and out of you, your eye contact didn’t break, and you were sure that right now, you were looking at the real Jaehyun at this very moment.

Not the guy you hated. Not the guy your best friend was dating. But instead the person who wanted to protect you from guys that only wanted to use you. A person who offered you company in class and shared his equipment with you. And a person whose cheekiness and affection he showed through childish acts because he didn’t know how to express his feelings otherwise.

This was not the person you were sure of knowing all along. Probably because you hadn’t even gotten to know him in the first place.

One arm now clung around his neck while with the other, you grabbed the pillow beside you. You threw your head back in excitement, his pushes coming in short intervals one after another, and he was hitting all the right spots with them.

Jaehyun propped his arms up to the left and right of him, lifting his upper body to gather all his strength in his groin area and stopped for a brief moment before he thrusted inside you with such force that it nearly knocked all air out of your lungs, and you couldn’t respond with anything else than moaning.

It felt so good, so… right. But how could something so wrong still feel so right?

Right now, you didn’t hate Jaehyun or your best friend the most, but yourself and the fact that you continued on and on. That you brought your hips up to meet his thrusts with hazy thoughts and his lips all over yours when he slowed down with his movements to dedicate himself to caressing your breasts.

You felt Jaehyun’s hot tongue swirling over your buds, and you shook under him. Not because it felt cold, but because his tender caresses just felt so good. You didn’t have the feeling that he could do anything wrong with whatever he carried out, that was your impression about how well your bodies meshed together.

No, you didn’t hate Jaehyun. You had always only hated how he had presented himself to you. But there was so much more to him.

Sweat droplets showed on his forehead when he continued with the hard thrusts again, the sound of you both breathing heavily mixing together with the sloppy noises of your bodies moving against each other filling the room, but no matter how messy sex was, it was the most romantic thing you had experienced in a long time.

Your eye contact also didn’t break when Jaehyun arose above you, his sweaty chest glistening in the dim light that shone through your windows, and increased his pace even more. When he dropped his head and bit his lip in the process, you wrapped your arms around him and added pressure to your nether regions as you felt him approaching his heights.

It felt very good to you too, but you were by any means not as far as him yet, so you didn’t blame him when he came only a short moment after with a groan that sounded sexy as hell to you.

You held him tightly when he fell limply onto your chest, still breathing heavily from the orgasm that slowly faded. Staring at the ceiling, you smiled with him in your arms, just enjoying the moment when Jaehyun moved away from you.

“We’re not done here yet,” you saw him grin as he laid himself next to you, rolled onto the side and placed his head in his palms as he propped his elbow against the mattress.

You wondered what was to come when you felt his finger tips dragging from your thighs to your navel, then lower again and stopped right at your most sensitive spot.

“Oh!” you let out as he placed two fingers on your folds and started moving them up and down with your remaining juices as lube that made the intense feeling kick in almost immediately.

You screamed when he added pressure and now directed circling motions around the sensitive bundle of nerves. From your half-closed eyes, you witnessed him looking at you with such admiration but also cheekiness as you writhed and wreathed under him, yet spread your legs even wider as release was so close.

Jaehyun leaned in to you, his fingers not letting go of the continuity as he half covered your body with his and just kissed you passionately. Like this, he encountered first hand how the orgasm took over you, and you moaned into his mouth, riding it out against his hand.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world when he wrapped his arms around you right after and pulled you onto his chest, and you drifted off into a slumber shortly after.

Even though the first tendencies of your bad consciousness set in before you closed your eyes, you decided that this would be the problem of tomorrow.

No, you didn’t hate Jung Jaehyun.

If anything, you should probably hate yourself.

___

“YES… YES… YESYESYES, OHMYGOD!”

You heard your friend from the other side of the wall, having rudely awakened you in the early morning hours. At least you thought so. But a glimpse at your phone through sleepy eyes told you that it was past 11am already.

Within a second, you were wide awake.

You were still naked, but the clothes on your floor only belonged to you, and the spot next to you in the bed was empty.

“OH!MY!GOD!.... YES! OH… OH.... AAAAH… OHOHOH… YES!!”

Jaehyun was gone. At least from your room.

Your best friend’s headboard constantly bumped against the wall, and you grabbed your pillow to cover your ears with it. You didn’t want to hear the sounds. Not because they stole your sleep, but because somehow, for the first time, you didn’t feel disturbed by the noise, but actually hurt.

In your mind, you imagined Jaehyun’s mesmerizing smile, the witty expression he was constantly wearing and his deep voice that had showed you for the first time last night that there was a certain softness within it.

You felt hurt, because you knew all the things from last night had been real between you two, yet he was still fucking your best friend mere hours later. What you had shared and felt had been special, yet he was still with her.

And suddenly, you felt hate again. But towards yourself. For betraying your best friend with him. But first and foremost, for betraying yourself.

You had never hated Jung Jaehyun.

You had always felt some certain kind of attraction towards him, but kept telling yourself you hated him to push him as far away from you as possible. If this wouldn’t be so wrong under these circumstances, this attraction would feel right and could blossom. But like this, you could never come to enjoy this feeling entirely.

Your relationship had been doomed from the very start, because given the wicked circumstances, you would never be able to form a healthy relationship. It was like a stain that would never vanish on a white sheet.

So you just decided to continue as usual. To keep this a secret between the both of you and just to carry on with your life.

And to hate Jung Jaehyun just a little more.

You just didn’t know how to feel and act towards your best friend without feeling so much… regret.

“Good morning.”

But the young man stepping out of your best friend’s room wasn’t Jaehyun. But Johnny.

You sat there in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, your mouth agape. And then it started to rattle in your head.

Lately, there were times when your best friend had screamed the name “Jaehyun!” loudly during the act. Those were the times you had actually seen him the next morning. But the nights she hadn’t screamed a certain name, no one had ever come out. And those times, you had counted more than the ones with Jaehyun in the past weeks, just when their loud arguments started on a nearly daily basis.

“Where’s Jaehyun?” you asked without greeting her good morning as you walked into her room.

“Oh, we had a fight last night,” she explained to you while getting herself dressed casually. “And then we broke up. I went away to be with Johnny after throwing him out, and we’ve only gotten back this morning. I hope he left last night already and didn’t stay here.”

“What?” you wondered.

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I’ll get over it.”

“You actually already got over it as I’ve seen!”

“Oh, Johnny?”

“You’ve been fucking him for weeks already?” you provoked.

She shrugged again. “Perhaps a month… So what?”

You stood there, totally lost for words. “You’ve been crying about Jaehyun to me ever since you got together! That he flirted with other women, ditched you, went to parties and ignored you! And now you’re telling me you’ve been cheating on him for quite a while?! And this instagram story drama from last week?”

She sighed and flopped down onto the bed. “Okay, admittedly, I’m not an angel in this story, but he is by far neither! He was not. There were many things he has done wrong in the past. But then he actually started… doing nothing wrong. Being the picture perfect boyfriend without all these flaws and drama. And perhaps, this is not something that I want, so I started to look around elsewhere.”

“So…” You paused, still processing the shock. “Was it all an act? All the times you’ve cried to me over him lately while cheating behind his back?”

“Not an act, precisely,” she said reluctantly. “Yes, he explained every situation to me. And I was being dramatic over it for nothing, perhaps. I don’t know… I still enjoyed being with him though, but it just didn’t feel right anymore. I want to have men just… telling me I’m right, always coming back to me… what’s a relationship without fire? But Jaehyun didn’t want to do this anymore.”

In your head, you recalled everything that Jaehyun had told you. About there being two sides of the same coin, about you being so oblivious. All this time, he knew that she had cheated on him. He knew what you thought of him, yet he had never made a move to ever explain it to you.

But why?

“As he should,” you then stated. “How you treated him was awful!”

“Only because I cheated on him a few times?” she chuckled. “Come on!”

“I’m your best friend, and yet you lied to me! You twisted and turned stories so that you’d always be the one at right! But the truth is, you’re the bad person here. Not him.”

“Now what? He’s gone from our lives. Don’t care about him.”

But the truth was, you did. Now more than about her.

That was why, an hour later, you found yourself in front of his dorm. When he opened shortly after you had knocked, you stared at him, still gasping for air as you had run the entire way here, with all the memories from last night coming back with each step.

“She’s been cheating on you,” were the only words you brought out.

“I know.”

“For how long?” you asked.

“I assume for just as long.”

You breathed in heavily, not understanding a word. “But why did you stay with her?”

Jaehyun smiled meekly. “Because I don’t think I deserve a good person like you are.”

It ran hot and cold down your back. “I… I don’t understand.”

He leaned against the door frame with crossed arms, and even though he seemed uncomfortable talking about his feelings, he still did.

“I haven’t been the best boyfriend for her most times in this relationship, I admit this openly. We weren’t really good for each other and it destroyed me to the point that I wanted to change. But when I started being the boyfriend she had wished for, it wasn’t right either and she started cheating. So I just settled with it. Because I thought I screwed up to that point where I won’t be able to make anyone happy anymore and also don’t deserve the same in return. Even though I only wanted you...”

“You douche!” You stomped with your feet on the ground.

“What?” he returned perplexed with furrowed brows.

“Everyone deserves love and to love! And you’re not different from anyone else!”

His confusion got replaced with a mild smile. “You’re so kind, y/n. That’s one of the things I like the most about you. But you’re also oblivious.”

Jaehyun pulled out his phone, scrolled through his messenger and started playing a voice message from a very familiar person.

“Why do you even care about this bitch, Jaehyun?!” In the background, you heard music and other people talking. “She’s a stupid nerd, and I’ve only befriended her because she helps me studying and listens to my complains since we’re dorm mates, so don’t even waste a single thought about this party pooper!”

You stood there as though you had been rendered motionless. Your heart had dropped to your feet.

“This is from last night when I quickly went outside again to check whether you rode away safely with your uber and she couldn’t find me directly. That’s why we argued and broke up. No, it’s not the first time she’s talked about you like this.” He put his phone away. “I thought letting you hate me would make it easier for a kind person like you to keep their distance from someone like me. Because, in the end, I will only hurt you too. But the more I started to genuinely like you, the more I felt protective towards you. I couldn’t see her speaking about you like this anymore.”

Your breathing came in hitches as your whole world suddenly crashed over you. Your best friend wasn’t your best friend. She had probably never been.

You stumbled backwards, and Jaehyun stepped forward to grab you by your arm, but you pulled it away.

“I…. I just…” you stuttered. “I have to… talk to her.”

“Sure.”

The whole way home, you only cried.

Not over Jaehyun, but over the betrayal of someone you had considered your best friend, yet had hurt you in the most painful way like no man ever could. And the fact that you had been an asshole to her to the same extent after having slept with her boyfriend the same night they had broken up was probably the final straw.

You were no saint here. You had added to your both’s downfall just as much. And it hurt much more than any heartbreak you had experienced so far.

You had to sort your life out and right now, and amongst this chaos there was no place for Jaehyun in your life.

____

You put the last vase with dried flowers on your shelf, stepped backwards to your room’s door and inspected the final set up.

“Finished!” you praised yourself.

It had taken you three months to move to a new dorm, but this was your last step to a new chapter in your life.

You hadn’t had contact with your former best friend ever since your final conversation in which you had handed the keys over to her. The many conversations before had only consisted of screams, accusations and tears.

She had admitted to saying all those things about you, but also to genuinely have come like you. You weren’t so sure whether that was real or one of her lies again. You had admitted to sleeping with Jaehyun, and she would have forgiven you for that as she hadn’t been really in love with him anymore at this point, but you were sure you didn’t want either in your life anymore.

Your best friend because she had hurt you deeply, and Jaehyun because of your burdensome history. All of you had done so many wrong things, and you were only a bundle of toxic people together, so chaotic that you were better off apart from each other.

But you didn’t want to be this toxic kind of person anymore. So you moved out and left your old life behind.

You didn’t go to that class with Jaehyun anymore, and although you missed him, the touches of your joint night still present on your skin sometimes, you wanted to move on from even the mere imaginations of him as well. You were sure that you’d find a guy just like him, but you missed him wherever you went and couldn’t help but ask yourself “what if?”

The fact that he hadn’t reached out to you either made it easier, and as summer break came and passed, and the new semester started, you had kissed two news guys already, made a new friend group and were just overall happy.

But you still missed Jaehyun dearly and all the possibilities of what could have happened if only your timing had been right in life. Even if he wasn’t the right one for you.

“Is this seat taken?”

And then, one day, there he was again. Taking the seat next to you as though no time had ever passed between the two of you, smiling that mesmerizing smile you didn’t hate.

You only stared at him, and his kind expression didn’t break. When you moved your head to the front again where the professor introduced himself, you couldn’t help but to smile too. Because this wasn’t the expression of a bad person.

People changed, and just like good traits could turn into bad traits, a bad person could turn into a good one also. And they all deserved a second chance.

You had only known the Jaehyun from your best friend’s perspective, and then also his body. But even though you had gotten a glimpse of the real Jaehyun here and there, you didn’t quite know him entirely yet.

But you wanted to. The good, the bad, the real. Jaehyun wasn’t the right one for you, but such a thing didn’t exist. What mattered were only your feelings.

Because in fact, you didn’t hate Jung Jaehyun. At all.

[starlitangels]

Play-Fight

This one’s POV character swaps a couple times. I’ve got who it is in italics at the beginning of the swap. I’ve never really thought about what it might be like to have a human’s mind in a wolf’s body (usually when I write werewolves it’s not from the werewolf’s POV), so I hope this is somewhat okay. I had a good time writing it. 2.9k words CW: references to Darlin’s past fight with Quinn, fantasy violence, mentions of blood.

—

Darlin’

I flopped onto the sofa in my apartment, staring at the opposite wall for a moment before grabbing my phone.

The text sent to David before I could overthink it.

You know what we haven’t done in a long time? A good fight.

I thought about when we were teenagers. All that pent-up emotion that came with being a hormonal adolescent being vented with teeth and claws and tufts of hair being ripped out. There was no rush quite like it.

Especially against David. Asher was a fun challenge most days, but he always balked if the fight got too nasty. Not out of cowardice. Out of care. He cared too much about everyone to want to hurt them too badly. He and David were the only ones to beat me in a fight.

It was sometimes nice to lose. I loved winning more than anything else, but losing to David and Asher was... actually reassuring. That there was someone out there stronger than me who had my back.

My phone vibrated. David Shaw: And?

David’s continual use of one-word texts made me snort. He’d always been bad at texting. He’d rather call, if he had the option to.

And, dummy, we should fight. In the woods. Like we used to. Like, tomorrow.

I snorted to myself. No way would David agree to it but—

Time?

I swore under my breath in surprise. What time do you get off work?

5:00

I smiled. Great. See you at 7:00. Same spot as always.

—

Angel

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re actually gonna fight?” I asked.

Davey brushed a hand through my hair. “We usually call it a play-fight, angel,” he replied. “More of a sparring match than anything.”

“Do I get to watch?”

“If you want.”

“Can... can I ask why you’re getting into a sparring match with Tank? Is this just... something wolves do?”

“Sometimes. More often when we’re young. Helps us get used to our wolf forms after our powers manifest. You’ve seen the scar Asher has through his right eyebrow, right?”

“Yeah I’ve noticed it.”

“He got that from Milo’s claws when we were thirteen. Newly manifested, playing around.”

“Yeah, but why are you fighting Tank now? Just for fun?”

“Fun might not be the right term for it. I prefer to think of it as keeping our skills sharp. Tank has a lot of pent-up aggression they’re probably looking to vent. I just enjoy the challenge.”

“Is Tank hard to fight?”

David scoffed. Then paused. “Not as difficult as Asher, but I still know I can beat both of them.”

“At the same time?”

He folded his arms contemplatively, staring over my shoulder towards the living room window. “Maybe. The both of them at the same time would definitely be a challenge, but I think I could take them.”

“Can I tell Ash you said that?” I teased with an impish grin.

I expected him to glare, call me a snot, and tell me to buzz off. But instead he smiled. “Go ahead. He knows he can’t beat me.”

I laughed.

“So, do you want to come watch?”

“Hell yeah,” I replied. “I almost never get to see you in your wolf form. I’d love to watch a play-fight.”

David snorted. “Of course you would.”

—

Darlin’

Sam sighed. “Be careful, darlin’,” he said.

I gave him a smirk. “Never,” I replied, turning to face David. I swore. “I hate that he’s taller than me now. I was taller than him until we were, like, sixteen. Then he just shot past me. Not fair.” I shucked off my jacket, leaving me in just my tank top. “It wouldn’t be so infuriating if he wasn’t so damn smug about it.”

“David? Smug?” Sam asked, looking confused as he took my jacket from my hand.

“You’d have to know him the way I do. It’s not outward.” I ground my teeth, glaring at David as I yanked off my boots and socks, leaving them in the dirt. I’d phase through everything else.

David had done the same. Across the clearing, his mate was sitting on the hood of their car, bundled up in David’s leather jacket with his shirt wadded into a ball on their lap. David had gone a step beyond me, though, in being completely shirtless. I wasn’t ready for that kind of display in front of both Sam and David’s mate. David alone I wouldn’t have cared less about. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before, shifting back and forth as teenagers.

Though, if I was embarrassed about all the scars littering my torso, back, and chest, I certainly wasn’t going to admit that in front of anyone present. Not even Sam. He already knew I wasn’t ashamed of my scars. I just didn’t need other people asking after them.

We both stretched, briefly but efficiently, and bent our knees.

“Sam, if you’d care to give us a countdown,” David said, looking over my shoulder.

“Alright. From five,” Sam said. I glanced back at him and smiled. He gave me a gentle smile in return.

My heart rate sped up and I caught Sam’s smile widening slightly as he heard it.

I stuck my tongue out at him and looked back at David.

David was a confident man. Not arrogant, like Christian, but David knew he was a fierce combatant, and assured of himself and his victory amongst packmates. He’d earned it—he was a powerhouse of a wolf in his own right—but that subtle grin on his face that he had this fight in the bag was doing quite the effective job of pissing me off.

“Five, four, three, two, one.”

—

Angel

I saw Sam’s mouth drop open at the same time mine did. David and Tank had sprinted across the clearing toward each other as humans at top speed—and it took less than the blink of an eye for two wolves to be charging at each other, clothing left behind on the ground.

They leapt at the same time and smashed into each other.

David as a human was 6′4″. Which was a fair amount taller than I was. David in his wolf form was still almost taller than my head. His vibrant green eyes stayed the same between forms, but he was a pitch-black wall of fur and muscle as he and Tank crashed to the ground. To their credit, Tank was only an inch or two shorter than David in wolf form and a bit more nimble. Grey-furred with flecks of tan and sharp eyes that missed nothing.

David and Tank snapped their teeth at each other, claws lashing through the air.

I swore under my breath.

In a moment, Sam was leaning against the hood of the car beside me, arms folded around Tank’s jacket. “They’re going for each other’s throats,” I said, somewhat breathlessly.

“Both-a ‘em will be fine,” he said casually.

I heard the clack of snapping teeth, drawing my attention back to the wolves brawling. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah. Those two are... I can tell they’re pulling their punches, so to speak.”

“Well... that’s a relief,” I said awkwardly. I glanced at Sam. “So... how long have you and Tank known each other?”

“Mmm... since May. So... not quite a year,” he replied.

I nodded, trying not to watch Tank and David too closely for the sake of my anxiety making my heart pound. “That’s nice.” Don’t tease Sam. Don’t tease Sam. You can tease Tank like you tease Davey but don’t tease Sam, I thought. Buuut it came out of my mouth anyway before my verbal filter kicked in. “Did you always find Tank attractive or was that a development?” I put a hand over my mouth. “Sorry. That came out before I could stop it. You don’t have to answer that. In fact, uh, don’t answer that. It’s really none of my business.”

Sam chuckled. “You’re alright,” he said. “Though, to be honest, I didn’t think much about it until we’d known each other a little longer. The first time we met it was dark and I was... not in the mood to be friendly. The second time we saw each other in person, they were covered in their own blood. Suffice to say, it was... a development.”

David’s deep, animal snarl roused my attention away from my own embarrassment at my filter being so flimsy.

—

Darlin’

Damn, it felt good to fight David again. I’d fought Quinn and those two vampires more recently than him, but there was something about fighting another wolf bigger and stronger than me that got my adrenaline going in the most satisfying way possible.

His teeth got a bite in at my shoulder, but it wasn’t a deep bite. More of a nick than anything.

I could hear Sam and David’s mate talking from the far side of the clearing, but didn’t spare them any attention. David was very much an all-encompassing opponent. He was so big that it was difficult to get his entire body in my field of view. Which made it hard to keep track of all of his claws and teeth.

I managed to get free of his teeth on my shoulder and slashed at him with a foreleg. My claws brushed through the black fur at his chest, barely nicking his skin. He pulled back from my shoulder enough for me to butt his lower jaw with my head.

The sheer amount of satisfaction that his surprised, slightly pained yip gave me could have fed me for days. Not that Sam would approve of such an idea.

The small bark of laughter from my delight escaped my throat before I could stop it.

It quickly turned into my own yip of pain as David’s head slammed into my ribs so hard that he knocked me a couple yards away and onto the floor of the clearing on my side, dirtying my fur.

I scrambled to get back to my feet before he could pounce on me. I was not going to have my belly exposed against him. I got low, tail and ears high, preparing to jump while David charged at me. I wouldn’t lie to myself, I shrugged off Sam’s intimidation regarding David as a man, but he was terrifying as a wolf. Like seeing a Hellhound bearing down on you.

Apart from the eyes. The green eyes were the only window to the fact that such a monstrously huge wolf might actually be a man somewhere deep down.

I lunged at him. The same moment he pounced at me.

We crashed into each other midair. Again. This time I wasn’t going to end up halfway underneath him when we hit the dirt. As my alpha, I respected him. And if this was a real fight over a disagreement, I probably would have submitted, to show that respect.

But as my brother? Play-fighting? Hell nah. I was gonna give him everything I had. 

He was powerful and stronger than any wolf I’d ever fought before. But I’d gotten into more fights than he had. And with less muscle mass to haul around I tended to be quicker.

I could take almost as many hits as Milo and stay standing—I hadn’t earned the nickname Tank for no reason when David was right there—but against David’s brute force I had to be fast and clever. David was a smart man and his beatings were brutal, but I could avoid a lot of his damage if I was careful.

We hit the ground on equal footing. I huffed a breath out my nose of satisfaction that I wasn’t pinned, despite David’s best efforts as we fell.

I took two slashes at him with my claws, going for his shoulders.

His teeth closed down over the scruff of my neck as I got too close.

White fangs gleaming in the darkness. Quinn’s sinister smile. My friend, bleeding out and half-dead, limp in his lap. The wolf erupting out of me before I can even think, snarling and gnashing.

And Quinn, bearing down on me as I’m attacking him. Throwing him off my friend. Those fangs, sharper than any I’ve ever felt before, biting deep into the flesh of my neck as I bite back.

I whimpered and cowered to the forest floor, hiding my snout under my front paws, ears flattening and tail falling. David let me go in an instant. He backed up. I could hear him. A quiet, but high-pitched noise of confusion came to my ears from his throat.

And Sam was there, his hands in my fur where David had bit me. “Darlin’? Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

I pulled my snout out from under my paws and shook my head. David went to my other side and nudged me gently in the shoulder with his forehead. A motion of comfort and apology I usually saw Asher make.

Sam disappeared for a moment and reappeared with a blanket. He tucked it over me. I knew why.

I shifted back to being human. The bite in my shoulder from David’s teeth was barely even bleeding. I wiped the tears from my eyes, pulling the blanket tighter around me as Sam fussed over my neck. “What happened, darlin’?” he asked softly. David nudged me in the shoulder again.

I shook my head. “That’s the same spot where—where Quinn—” I cleared my throat. “Quinn bit me right there when that damn blood bond formed. I haven’t felt teeth right there since that day. It shot me back to that moment.” I fought to get my breathing under control. To stop my voice from shaking and sounding thick with emotion to my own ears. “I’ll get over it. I just had to experience it first, I guess.”

David, head tilted slightly to one side, pushed my shoulder with his nose as I got up from my cowering position and up into an easier one.

“Darlin’—” Sam cut himself off as I shifted back into a wolf, letting the blanket slide off of me.

I wanted to run. That moment drained the fight out of me. I wanted to bound off into the woods. Be alone. Like I was good at. Alone, no one could hurt me. Alone, I couldn’t hurt them.

The problem being, Sam and David were both faster than me—David’s long legs covered more ground—and if I ran, they would most certainly chase me.

Sam’s fingers closed into a fist around the fur at my shoulder, and he rested his forehead against my side. “Darlin’, it’s okay. We’re here for you. We love you,” he said softly. David’s ear flicked, acknowledging the statement and agreeing.

I glanced over to see David’s mate standing at the edge of the clearing, still wearing David’s leather jacket despite the fact that it drowned them, looking at us with concern. Probably not sure whether to join or not. David glanced between me and his mate before gently plodding over to them and nudging against their shoulder.

Not breaking eye contact with me, David’s mate absentmindedly reached up and scratched behind his ear briefly, before their hand fell back to their side.

I nuzzled against Sam’s grip on my shoulder, unable to vocalize my gratitude for the comfort as a wolf. Though, even if I was in human form I still would have struggled.

“Maybe it’s time to take a break,” David’s mate suggested. They spoke softly, but everyone in the clearing could hear. We all had enhanced hearing except them. David dipped his head in a nod. He went over to his and his mate’s car and disappeared behind the trunk. 

A moment later, he emerged as a human. Back in his jeans. I didn’t even notice his mate or Sam had grabbed our shed clothes from the forest floor. He strolled over to his mate and took his shirt back. The wolf equivalent of a laugh bubbled up in my throat at his mate’s look of disappointment that he was putting his shirt back on.

Shameless tease, I thought. It was great to see that my alpha—my brother—had found a love who adored him and wasn’t at all scared of him. Especially for an unempowered human.

Sam offered the blanket to me again. I let him wrap it around me before shifting back.

“Y’alright, darlin’?” Sam asked gently.

“I will be.”

“But you’re not right now.”

“No.”

I didn’t even squirm or stiffen as Sam pulled me into a hug. “I’m right here,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “You’re with me.” He sat down on the forest floor and pulled me onto his lap. I curled up into a tight ball and rested my head on his chest. His heartbeat was soothing, thudding gently against my ear. Quieter than a shifter’s or even a human’s, but that was probably why it was so comforting to listen to.

“Thank you, Sam,” I said quietly.

—

Angel

“I don’t care what you think, you’re telling Tank it’s a draw,” I said, holding Davey around the middle.

“It is a draw, angel. We didn’t reach a proper victory on either side. We’ll have to complete the fight later.” He glanced over his shoulder at where Tank was curled up in Sam’s lap. I could see their shaking from halfway across the clearing. “After Tank feels better,” he added.

[ijustwant2write]

Reconnect-Finn Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @peakystitches​)

Masterlist

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @jenepleurepasbaby​ @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff​ @mzcrazy2​

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello! May i request an either tommy or finn shelby x reader? (Whicheverr one u think suits best) for this prompt i found: character A and B have been in a longterm relationship and nothing can get in between, until one day something does and they drift away. But then they reconnect emotionally and everything feels like the first time again (first kiss, first meal together etc) 🙏🏼💜 i love ur writing thank u’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader, Polly Gray x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, finance issues, drinking, fluff

                                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Finn, is that you?" I called out from our bedroom as I heard the front door open. I tensed up when I didn't hear a reply, only to let out a sigh when I heard him giggling.

He was drunk again, it happened almost every week now. Tommy would have given him something important to do for the gang, and whether or not Finn succeeded with that task, he would go out and celebrate with his mates. I would sometimes tag along if I wasn't tired from the week of working, but after seeing our finances, I realised we needed to stop acting like teenagers and start saving wisely.

"Hello my gorgeous girl." he slurred out as he entered the room.

"Hello Finn." I replied as I received a sloppy kiss to my forehead.

He flopped down beside me in bed, taking the book out of my hands and throwing it to the floor. Finn wrapped his arms around me, snuggling into my lap. I took off his hat, stroking back his hair. He was cold from the brisk walk home, causing me to shiver.

“You should have come out tonight." he said.

"I got off work late."

"He kept you again?"

"No, I decided to stay."

"Why? You always say you're tired."

"I'm tired because I'm picking up extra shifts and hours so that we can start saving up for a house."

"I've told you, we don't need to worry about that. Business is good."

"Finn, we're not going to be given the money. We have to earn it."

"Tommy will help us."

"He might help but he won't give us a lot. And even if he did hand us a house, we've got to have enough money for the bills, furniture-"

"It will be fine."

"Finn, we've not even had our wedding yet!"

We had been engaged for half a year. We were wanting to be married sooner, but problems arose with the Peaky Blinders it distracted us both from it, especially since our lives were in danger. I desperately wanted to have enough money for the wedding and house, though it looked like it was going to be one or the other at this point.

"What's wrong with the flat?" Finn now sat up.

"Did you seriously ask me that question? There's only so much I can do to this dump to make it look somewhat liveable. It just doesn't feel like home."

"We'll get the money. Don't worry. Look, look," he took my hands in his,"we will get a house. I promise. And believe me, I want to marry you as soon as I can, there needs to be another ring on that finger. And I need to see my name at the end of yours."

I stupidly believed him. Those adoring eyes I once trusted had lied to me. Finn kept his promise for a week at max, soon breaking it. I didn't mind him going out with friends, we both needed to socialise, I just disagreed with the amount of times he was out and the amount of drinks he was buying each night. He would always offer to get the next round, and although he was a Shelby, the discounts didn't make much difference at the end of the night. I decided I had to go with him to ensure that our money wasn't being poured away, struggling to stay awake for those long nights, and making work even harder every day. It was impossible to keep an eye on him like that.

Usually Finn would tell me if he was going out that night so I wouldn't worry. That stopped too. My mind was never at ease. How did I know he wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere after a job gone wrong? Or what if he was trapped somewhere by a rival gang? I could only rest when he returned, which he always luckily did. I pretended to be asleep, trying to not push him away as he slipped his arms around me, cuddling me for the rest of the night. My patience began to grow thin. I was too scared to speak up about it, worried that we would just end up having an argument. However, I knew we would have to bring it up soon, because our money was only disappearing instead of increasing.

One morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed that the drawer we locked our savings away in was slightly ajar, meaning someone had unlocked it and stupidly left it open. Of course it had to be Finn, no one had broken in during the night. My eyes widened when I saw how much he had taken, enraged that he would think me so foolish. Why would he take the money without asking? What was he using it for?

As I stormed towards the shop, I heard whooping from men in a car further up the street. My face turned into a deep frown when I recognised the car, managing to catch a glimpse of the people in it. They hadn't seen me, and I had to make sure my eyes were deceiving me.

I didn't care about the looks on me as I burst through into the shop, making a beeline for Polly's office. I harshly knocked on the door, entering when she called me.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" she asked, a lit cigarette in hand.

"Where's Finn?"

"Off out with his brothers, why?"

"Where are they going?"

"To the races."

I scoffed, placing a hand on my head in defeat.

"Why? What's wrong with that?"

"He told me he would be in the office all day today."

"So? Things change."

"No, he specifically told me that. I never even asked about it. He made a point meaning he didn't want to risk me waltzing in. That means he's hiding something."

"(Y/N), they're only going to bet on horses today. They're mingling."

"They're betting today?!"

She stood, putting a hand on her hip."What am I missing here?"

"Pol, he's using money that we don't have! I need a car, I need to get to him."

"Look, even if my nephew is being the biggest idiot, it's a bad idea to go there."

"Why?"

Her eyes widened."Don't snap at me young lady."

"I'm sorry, I just, I just know he's going to be stupid with what little money we have at the minute."

Polly was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't know if she was just staring me out, trying to make me leave. Perhaps she didn't think it was anything to worry over. But it was to me. She surprised me when she went into one of her drawers, pulling out a set of keys.

"Come on. I'll get one of the girls to call your work, say you're sick."

I tightly clasped my hands together as Polly drove. I was furious, trying to think of what to say to Finn when I got there. He stole our money. He went behind my back, gambling away the money we worked hard to earn. I had never said it, but Finn had it much easier than I did. For one, he worked with family, and although I liked my job, the boss could sometimes be an arsehole; second, he earned a lot more than me, so he was the bigger breadwinner between us, but I worked longer hours. Yes, he was in a gang meaning he had more days where his life was under threat, but he seemed to be having a jolly good time anyway. Really, it wouldn't have mattered who worked longer or harder, or who earned more, it was still our money to spend on our house.

As soon as Polly parked up, I was straight out of the car. She quickly followed grabbing my arm and warning me to not get lost in the crowds. I couldn't make a scene, especially since there could be potential business partners or enemies about. I refrained from rolling my eyes, knowing she was right but also knowing that I would find it extremely hard to not scream at Finn.

Polly guided me to where the men would be, ignoring the shoving and shouting. I wished for her to walk quicker. We swiftly entered the posher boxes, almost stopped by a doorman until his accomplice shut him up. I even heard him whisper 'That's Polly Gray you idiot.', the one time I was glad we had a reputation. She only paused to scan the room for the boys but I spotted them first. Quickly moving past her, I couldn't stop my fists from clenching, seeing Finn joyfully drinking and laughing with his brothers only added fire to my fury.

"Finn!" I snapped, quickly catching his attention.

"(Y/N)?" he exclaimed, struggling to stand and clattering the plates and glasses on the table."W-what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from spending our money like a fucking idiot! Where is it?"

"Oh, Finn boy is in the doghouse." John chuckled.

"Shut up!" I fiercely pointed at him.

"Where's what?" Finn brought me back.

"Our money!"

"I told you, you do this outside." Polly warned, shoving Finn in that direction, and I knew I had to follow him.

Luckily, we were left alone. Finn continued on, finding someplace we would be alone. Once we were in the clear, the distant roar of the crowds covering our conversation, I saw him sigh quietly, running a hand down his face when he realised what was coming.

"Where's the money Finn?" I asked, calmer but with a mean tone.

"Let me explain first.”

"Explain how you took our money without asking? How you just waltzed out this morning without consulting me?"

"Tommy said that there was a good chance, a very good chance that this horse would win, and I thought it would help us if we put our money on it. Imagine how much we'll have if it wins!"

"If it wins Finn, if! You're gambling our money, why would you do something like that?"

"Because you went on about not having enough money! And here I am trying to help!"

My mouth dropped open in shock."You really don’t see the problem here."

"No, actually, I don't." he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Finn, you stole money from the drawer! You then go behind my back and bet it away. Have you thought about what we'll do if that horse loses?"

"But it won't, Tommy said."

"And what if Tommy is wrong this time? Also, don't pin this on your brother, I know he hasn't even suggested this idea."

"I'm not-urgh!" Finn groaned."Why don't you trust me?"

"I can't trust a gamble Finn. I don't think you realise how many nights I've spent lying awake, worried that we'll never have enough for our own home, and thinking that you don't even care anymore."

"Of course I care. This is why I've bet the money."

"How is this not getting in your head?"

"(Y/N)," he took my hands in his, but I couldn't even look at him,"in a few minutes we will hear them announce the winner, and we will start jumping for joy when we realise how much money we're going to get back, and we're going to be so much closer to getting our home."

"Finn, I desperately want to believe that. But even if we do win, you're in deep trouble." I took my hands away from him, turning around. I couldn't even look at my own fiance.

On queue, we heard a man come over the intercom, it was muffled to me but I knew Finn was listening intensely. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched for his reaction, turning around fully when I saw his expression. We had lost. We lost all that money.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?!" I screamed at him, throwing slaps onto his chest."Why couldn't you just listen to me? I don't understand why you had to lie to me Finn!"

I broke down crying, shoving him away from me. My sobs were loud but I didn't care. Finn could watch, see how much he upset me. My heart sank at the thought of it all gone, Finn had left scarcely any money in the drawer back at the flat.

"I'm sorry (Y/N)." Finn pathetically said.

"You know how you always go on about your family never trusting you enough for the big jobs? That you never get to go out with them and help? This is why. Because you do things like this, you fuck everything up Finn. Fuck!" I wiped away my tears, even though more spilled out."You know I've always stuck beside you, but this is the last straw Finn. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to put effort into their future."

"What are you saying? (Y/N), I can fix this. I promise I'll get the money back, I'll-"

"How? That took us so long to build that up. And you were spending our money almost every night on useless drinking. I can't Finn, I can't live like that anymore."

He ducked his head, and I almost wanted him to say something. When he didn't, I knew what I had to do.

I took a deep breath before speaking."I'm going home. I suggest you stay at Polly's tonight."

"Let me take you home-"

"No!"

"What's going on?" Tommy suddenly appeared, he, his brothers and Polly approaching.

"Your nephew, your brother, just gave away almost all of our money betting on a horse. Not only that, but he took the money without telling me. That was money for a house." I angrily explained.

"Is that true Finn?"

Finn shamefully nodded.

"We can get you your money back (Y/N)."

"It's not about that Tom. He's lied to me. He promised me he wouldn't spend our money every week, yet he did. And then he takes our money without asking me about it first."

"I'll fix it (Y/N), I promise I will." Finn was begging at this point.

"Another promise that you're bound to break. I've had enough today."

"Let's get you home love." Polly said, putting a stop to this argument as she stepped forward, taking me under her arm.

Finn didn't come home that night. I didn't sleep. I was sat at the tiny dining table, staring at the ring on my finger, wondering what to do. It broke my heart to think about leaving him, but it also broke my heart thinking about how reckless he had been. Did I really want to be marrying someone who acted like this? Would he mature? My heart wanted to believe he would, but my mind kept telling me that today confirmed he wouldn't. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't stand this job any longer. But it was the only thing keeping me alive. It was crappy work, the pay was just above minimum, enough for me to buy food, pay my rent and have the tiniest amount left over. Saving up money was hard when it was just you. Even after two years, I didn't have enough to consider looking at places of my own, or with less roommates. It was exhausting keeping up with these girls I lived with, there were 6 of us altogether. It was a big change when I moved away from Small Heath.

"You ready (Y/N)?" one of my roommates called out to me as I finished applying my lipstick.

"Just a second!" I replied, checking myself in the mirror.

It was the rare occasion that I was going out with them, the one time we could all go out together at all. I was looking forward to a few drinks, and although that sounded hypocritical, I realised that I had to have a night or two in at least a month to relieve myself of the stress I put upon myself.

We arrived at the small club we always went to, it had the cheapest drinks this side of town. We all shivered in the cold weather, walking as fast as we could to make it to the club. The warmth was very welcome, as well as the loud music that drew us further in. It was the usual routine, a few of us grab a table, the others get the drinks in, then we would all make our way to the dance floor. Hours passed, and I had to get away from the heat coming from the dancing, stepping back towards our table to get a drink. I saw my roommate stumbling in the direction of the bar, rolling my eyes as I went to help her, perhaps getting a drink whilst I was there. However, once I got closer, I stared at the man she was starting to flirt with.

"Isaiah?" I said as I got closer.

"(Y/N)!" he smiled, bringing me in for a hug.

"You two know each other?" my roommate asked, looking disappointed.

"He's an old friend. Just that, nothing else."

Isaiah let me go."How long has it been? Two years?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, two years. What are you doing here?"

"Business. Nothing dangerous though, you girls are still in for a good night. Especially you if you're good." he winked to my roommate.

"Is he...is he here?" my voice suddenly went shaky, and I felt almost completely sober.

Isaiah's playful nature dropped."Uh, he is. He's really misses you (Y/N). Hasn't even looked at another girl since you left. He's just not been the same." I wasn't sure how to reply.

"I can't not tell him I saw you. Imagine if he found out, he would be so upset with me."

"I know. I wouldn't want to hurt your friendship."

"Maybe you should see him. It might do you both some good."

"Or the opposite."

"He still loves you. Even if you don't feel the same, it could bring closure. But I know you (Y/N), I can tell what you're thinking."

"You were always annoying like that."

"He's out front, in the corridor. That's all I'm going to say."

I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to make my mind up."Well, this one is a handful, just so you know."

"I think I can handle her." Isaiah smirked.

"I was warning her about you."

I giggled at his reaction, walking away and leaving him in his natural habitat of flirting. But as soon as I turned around, my stomach dropped, nerves filling up my entire body. He was here. I hadn't seen him for two years, though I thought about him everyday. Would he look different? Did I look different? What was he going to say? What was I going to say? My brain didn't want to think of any words, maybe I was about to babble absolute nonsense to him.

Upon seeing him, my throat tightened, the cool air slapping me in the face; oh, now I was sober. He hadn't noticed yet, leaning up against a wall, hands in his pockets. Wow, he had changed. His boyish charm was still there, yet he had matured into a handsome young man. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I was just happy that he would be seeing me in my finer clothes rather than catching me after work.

Urging my feet to move, I almost sighed at how small my steps were. I really was scared. Isaiah had said reassuring things, yet I couldn't even walk up to him. It was too late to back out now, especially when he finally looked up at me. I froze on the spot, not knowing what to do. Finn seemed the same way.

"(Y/N)." he said, I only just heard it.

"Hello."

Hello? Really, that's all I could come up with?

He pushed himself off the wall, coming to stand in front of me, though not too close."I...I can't believe you're here."

"I could say the same about you."

"This is where you've been living then."

I nodded."It's not too bad. I mean, I'm on a night out."

"Who are you with?"

I knew he was wondering if I was with a man."My roommates, I live with five other girls."

"Oh, that's a lot."

"Yeah, it's the only place I could afford."

"I hope it's nice."

"I shouldn't complain. A lot better than other places."

We both knew we were making an awful attempt at small talk. I was sure he had so much to say like I did, we just didn't want to dump it on each other in case the other ran away. It was like we were teenagers again, awkwardly trying to think of something to fill the dreaded silence.

"I really want to talk about us (Y/N)." Finn said.

"You do?"

"I...I just have so much to say to you. I can't do it now, but what about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow, um, yes, yes tomorrow works for me. It's the weekend, so I'm not working."

He smiled slightly."OK, good. I'll come get you. Um, I need your address."

"Oh, here." I dug around in my purse, thankful there was a folded up tissue and a pen, it was good to be prepared. I wrote down my address, handing it to him.

"I'll pick you up at one. I would want it to be earlier, you just never know what time you'll be back with this sort of thing."

"I understand Finn, I did live this with you once."

I barely slept, even when we stumbled in at three in the morning. Luckily I hadn't seen Finn, Isaiah or any other Peaky Blinder that evening, no doubt settling business behind the scenes. Despite the lack of sleep, I was wide awake the next morning, up before everyone else who were nursing their hangovers, trying on multiple outfits in a desperate attempt to look nice, but not as if I put too much effort in. The clock was rolling onto one o'clock, and my heart was beating much faster than usual. I was about to make my way downstairs when something glistened on my small vanity. Should I take it? Yes, I would.

Finn knocked on the door, and I waited a few seconds before opening it. We smiled as we greeted each other, not going in for a hug or kiss on the cheek, something I was worried about. That was the first hurdle jumped over.

"How was your evening?" Finn struck up a conversation as we walked further into town.

"Much better than yours I presume?" I smirked. He chuckled."Yeah, didn't exactly get to enjoy the music. Small fight, nothing we couldn't handle."

It was strange hearing about Blinder business again."Well I'm glad you're all safe."

"I thought we could go out for lunch, saw a nice place round here."

"Oh, that would be lovely."

"We don't have to, if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, no, no, it's not that. It's just a lovely thing for you to do."

We both bashfully smiled, luckily the restaurant was just around the corner. I had expected nothing less when we walked into the fancy place, not because I thought I deserved it, but because Finn wouldn't be seen anywhere else. His clothes were even more tailored now than they had been the last I saw him, indicating that the gang had been doing well, more money was coming in. We both immediately picked up our menus as we sat, hoping someone would speak first. Our eyes glanced over the top of them, it was as if we were on our first date again, only this time in a better establishment.

"You look beautiful." he said, still hiding part of his face.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"I'll never forget what you wore when I picked you up for our first date. That blue dress you just bought, with a matching purse, and those heels that you hadn't practiced walking in. Well, you used that as an excuse to latch into my arm all night."

I smiled, placing down my menu."It was a good plan, wasn't it? And I did struggle in those heels, I just didn't want to embarrass myself."

He copied me."I liked holding your hand all night."

"What a sweet sentiment."

"I mean it. And I mean this date. That didn't sound right, but...what I'm trying to say is that I want to make it all up to you."

"You do?"

"Yes! I really didn't expect you to leave. I mean I did, but I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to believe that I had been so selfish that I couldn't even see how much I had hurt you." 

“That was the hardest decision I ever made. Most days I battle with myself whether I made the right choice. All night I kept making deals with myself. If you came back, I would hear you out, and if it was good enough for me I would stay. But then you didn’t, so I said to myself ‘Give him another hour.’. An hour went by, and I said the same thing to myself. That went on for the whole evening until I found myself angrily packing my things. Even then, I sat by door on top of my suitcase for another hour or so.”

“I thought you just got up and left. I didn’t realise how long you waited for me.” he sighed into his hands.“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

I could tell he was full of regret. Although it sounded sadistic, I was glad that he was upset when reflecting on our past relationship, it meant he realised his mistake. On the other hand, I hated seeing him sad. I took his hands away from his face, hesitantly reaching into my handbag to pull out the engagement ring I kept.

His eyes widened.“You still have that? I looked everywhere for it when you left, guessed you took it to sell.”

“I won’t lie, that was my intention at first. But it meant too much to me. It was like selling a piece of my soul. I kept it hidden, I didn’t want to risk any of the girls seeing it, they would just ask too many questions.”

I kept my eye on the beautiful ring as I spoke, slowly twirling it around to catch it twinkling in the light.

"I had such a hard time picking that out. I knew what you wanted, but I had to get it right for you. I'm so glad you kept it."

"I did try to sell it. I was stood outside of a shop for ten minutes debating with myself. It would have helped a lot for the deposit on the room, but I couldn't do it."

We were silent, both staring at the ring. We used to do that a lot actually. Finn would take my hand and hold it up as we laid in bed together, both giggling as we watched it glisten like it was in present times, before squealing at the thought of us being married to each other. I constantly fiddled with it when he was off on business, a habit which never wore off, even now; whenever I was nervous or worried, I would automatically do the same action, just without the ring.

A waiter awkwardly interrupted us, and I hurriedly put the ring back in my bag, sharing an embarrassed smile with Finn as we ordered. Once he was gone, I quietly sighed, looking out of the window. We were in such a nice part of town, so many ladies in beautiful dresses and men in smart suits strolling around.

"Are you...are you OK for money?" Finn boldly asked.

I was a little shocked by that.

"I don't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you're OK, I would hate for you to be struggling, if you were."

"Uh, no, no I'm fine actually. It's not as generous as my old wage but it keeps me alive, I can live with the bare necessities."

I could see him itching to say something else, to keep the conversation going. I wasn't sure if we could go back to the serious topic we had before. However, I also wanted to bring it back up, it felt like we needed to talk about us.

"How's the family?" That's all I could come up with.

"They're fine. Everyone is the same. Well, they're not, they're a bit more serious nowadays."

"They weren't in the first place?"

He smiled."I suppose they were. Tension is the right word, tensions have been rising. Tommy's taking on a lot more, Polly knows all these secrets that no one else does, Ada is rebelling against anything Tommy says, Linda is still annoying, Esme and John have been popping kids out left, right and centre. Arthur is still crazy."

"Sounds like business as usual to me."

"They miss you too."

"Do they?"

"Yeah. Almost as much as me."

I cast my eyes down as butterflies rose in my stomach.

"I heard nothing else for the next few weeks after you left. They all told me what an idiot I was, that I was an extremely reckless, stupid and immature boy, and that I had let the best thing in my life get away from me. And they were right. I knew all of that already."

"I...I don't really know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything, let's just enjoy this meal, no more of that talk."

The nerves making my stomach flip built at that. What if we had nothing else to talk about? What if it was too weird to dive into our separate lives? I didn't want to sit across my ex-fiance, painfully and politely smiling through forced conversation.

The spark was still there.

When the waiter had returned with our drinks, we were already deep in talk about what had been happening in our personal everyday life. We were non stop, even as we ate through dinner. The waiters had trouble catching our attention each time they checked on us. I was deep in those eyes again, the ones I always dreamed of seeing. We were laughing hysterically, not at all acting how we should have in that establishment (there were a few eye rolls from other patrons). As if time had gone by in a second, the bill was slipped towards Finn, though I still reached into my purse.

"Are you mad? No, put your money away, I'm not taking it." Finn stated as he carelessly threw down some notes, surprisingly taking my hand in his and guiding me out of the restaurant.

I was tense as we walked, and I saw a flash of realisation in Finn's eyes as we made it outside. Both looking down at our interlocked fingers, Finn broke away, clearing his throat.

"Sorry, force of habit."

Hesitating, I smiled up at him, lacing our hands together again."These are new heels I'm breaking in. Need help walking in them."

He chuckled, pulling me closer as we walked down the street. We were silent, feeling like kids in love again. I couldn't deny that my feelings were still strong for Finn, I missed him dearly. At first, part of me had been wary of all this, wondering if he really had good intentions, or just thought he could get a quick shag in from an ex before he left; but the effort he went through, the things we spoke about, trying to heal old wounds, Finn had matured and he was wanting to fix this. I wanted to fix this, my heart was aching for my old life with him. 

“We’re not done yet, are we?” I timidly asked.

“Not unless you want it to be.”

I instantly shook my head.“No, I’d like to stay out for longer.”

“Even though you’re struggling in your heels?”

I smirked.“I know a nice place we can sit down.”

I took him to the local park, it had a huge lake with benches dotted around, luckily it wasn’t busy, there was somehow a hint of privacy here. We sat down close to each other, hands still entwined. 

“You still hungry?” I asked.

“Hm?”

I dug into my purse, producing a bag of sweets I had bought the previous day. I laughed as his eyes lit up, taking one without even asking. I took one too, reminiscing on how we used to do the same thing as kids. It seemed he was thinking about it too.

“Just like the old days.” Finn said.

“We spent way too much money on sweets back then. It’s a wonder we still have our teeth.”

 “Wish I got out of that spending habit. We could be married and in our new house by now.”

“So you never wanted to move on? You didn’t give in to those girls wanting to be with a Peaky Blinder?”

“Never. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone else, it was always you (Y/N). Did you date?”

“No, I felt exactly the same. Which is why I was angry at myself for a long time. I was supposed to be upset with you, not still in love.”

His head whipped round to face me.“You still love me?”

My mouth was still open, unsure how to answer. It seemed I didn’t have to as Finn leaned in, placing on hand on my cheek as we kissed. Instinctively I kissed back, placing my hands on him where I could, hearing the bag of sweets fall to the ground and spill its contents. This kiss was needy, the type of kiss you gave your partner when you had missed them, when they had been away for a long time; and although we had our hands on each other, our touch was still gentle.

“Get the ring.” Finn breathed out, our lips still almost touching.

I carelessly got it for him, heart beating extremely fast. He took it from me, pecking me on the lips one last time before standing up. He straightened out his suit, took a deep breath and got down on one knee. I was just as emotional the first time he did it.

“(Y/N), I know I messed up everything in the past, I was careless when I should have been supportive and helped to build our future. I learnt from those mistakes, and I really, really want to go back to how we were. I need you (Y/N), I love you so much. There aren’t enough words to express how much love I have for you. Will you marry me?”

I didn’t need to think about my answer. I blurted out a yes, waiting for him to slide the ring back on my finger before throwing myself onto him. We stumbled back onto the ground, our arms around each other as we laughed and cried. I believed him this time, I truly believed him. He put in the effort to show me his changes, he wanted to fix everything. I wanted things back to the way they were with my man, and we were back to building our future and living the rest of our lives together.

[sevlgi]

hit and run

requested: no

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: a  shit ton of angst, some fluff

contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters

warnings: slight homophobia

synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship. 

a/n: while i was writing this, i  imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao... 

for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.

word count: 6.8k

The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.

“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”

“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.

Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”

Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”

You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.

Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.

Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”

“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.

To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”

“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”

You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is.  Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.

There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.

Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.

“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?” 

The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.

Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”

“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”

As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.

“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.

You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”

“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”

“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”

“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.

She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”

“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--

“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.

You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”

“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”

You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”

“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.

The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)

Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that’s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”

Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.

“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.

“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”

You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”

“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.

“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”

You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”

You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”

Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”

Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.

Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.

Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”

“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.

She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.

Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.

Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung. 

One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”

You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”

“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.

“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”

You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”

She winces. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.

Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”

“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.

Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”

You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”

Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”

“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”

The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”

“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”

She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.

Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.

It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.

You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek. 

At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.

“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”

You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”

Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.

“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.

The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”

“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head. 

The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”

“Your coward, huh?”

Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”

There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.

She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.

“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.

Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”

You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.

You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.

You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”

“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”

Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”

“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.

Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.

The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.

“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”

You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”

Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”

“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”

“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”

You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”

“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”

“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.

But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.

Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,”  you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.

You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.

You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.

You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.

“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”

The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.

Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”

“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”

“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.

Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”

She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”

“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”

“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.

By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”

“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”

“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”

“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”

“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.

She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”

“It sounds sweet.”

“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”

“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”

“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”

Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.

She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”

“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.

Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”

You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”

Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”

“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”

“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.

You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.

“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”

You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”

She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”

Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”

Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”

“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown. 

Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”

“No.”

Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.

“Which articles?”

She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.

“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”

“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.

Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”

She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.

Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.

“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.

Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips. 

It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins. 

“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.

“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.

She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”

“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”

Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”

“I thought you were questioning?”

She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”

You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.

But for once, you know what you want.

“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist. 

“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”

“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.

She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.

Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”

“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.

You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”

“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”

“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.

The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”

Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”

“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”

The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”

“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.

The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.

The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won’t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.

“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.

Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.

“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.

Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”

“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”

“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”

Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.

When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”

For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”

“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.

Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”

“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“At the end of the day, yes…”

“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.

“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”

“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”

None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.

And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.

[hanoella]

A Matter of Time (1/2)

Pairing: Bucky x healer!Reader

Word Count: Just under 3k

Summary: Healing others took a lot out of you. It was only a matter of time until it was going to be too much on your body.

Warnings: Hardcore angst, blood, grave injury, explicit description of injury, medical life support, needles? still not good at this stuff.

A/N: Another @wkemeup writing challenge prompt! Thanks so much everyone for all the love and support on my first fic!

Prompt: Believing they’re about to die, Character A confesses their feelings for Character B before they pass out.

---

           It was only a matter of time.

          Healing always took so much out of you. One day, it was going to be too much for your body to handle. You hadn’t explicitly told anyone that it drains you. Only the observant picked up on it. It’s the reason why Natasha never asked for your help with minor things. It’s also why Bucky plain refused your help nowadays. He was hyper aware of everything around him and that included you. He always saw the light sheen of sweat forming on your brow, the way you became slightly breathless, and the increase in your pulse. When there was a major injury, he was very well aware of the tell-tale signs of exhaustion.

          The very first time that he let you work on his shoulder, he had asked what it was like out of curiosity.

          “Well… it’s kind of like projecting the pain onto myself. I’ve always been very in tune with my body. So ever since this,” you pause to gesture with your hands. “I can usually tell what the problem is. For example, I can tell that this specific muscle is bothering you,” you say as you gently put pressure on the specific aching tendon in his arm. Bucky winced before feeling the warmth reach deep into his muscles. He let out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Turning slightly so that you could partly see his face, he thanked you. For a reason he couldn’t understand, a big smile slowly developed on your face.

          “What?” He asked.

          “Nothing, I’m just glad you finally let me work on it. I can see now that you’ve been… suffering. I’m just happy you’re feeling better.”

          Bucky felt his face flush slightly and turned back to face forward. Amused, you started humming lightly as you continued your work.

           Not that he would admit it but since then, there may have been… other reasons why he is always paying close attention to you. You reminded him of Steve. Somebody who was truly selfless. The one to make the sacrifice play. You may be less on the forefront of the battles but the work and the sacrifices you make for the world were just as big. Bucky found that he admired you for that. It stirred up feelings in his chest that he chose to ignore. It also made him nervous.

           Every time you were needed, he was assigned as your bodyguard. You could handle yourself better than the average civilian, but you wouldn’t consider yourself a fighter. Considering that he preferred to stay out of the spotlight, as well as the fact that his relationship with the public was still rocky, it ended up being the ideal position for him. At first, he was nervous because he was protecting something incredibly important. More so than any jewel or riches that existed. You were someone that could practically bring someone back from the dead. If he couldn’t protect you, he was practically sentencing anyone who would need your help in the future, to death. Certainly, a weighty responsibility that would make anyone nervous.

           It grew to be more than that though. Each time he protected you from a threat, no matter how small, your appreciation made it worth it. Your gratitude, which manifested itself into words, notes, and small gifts, sustained him. He had a hidden drawer filled with smiley faces on post it notes and cute little Tupperware containers that had held homemade sweet treats.

          But his favorite reward was not anything he could bring back to his apartment. It was your touch. The small brushes against his arm grew into touches and squeezes. In turn, it grew into grasping his hand while thanking him and once, a quick hug before you jumped back and apologized. He blushed lightly and looked away, letting you know that it was okay, he didn’t mind. Actually, Bucky would’ve preferred for that moment to have lasted forever. Because when you pulled away, he was suddenly aware of how starved he felt without your touch. That one action had been the gateway to a life filled with longing. He would chase that feeling forever; He could not bear the thought of being without you. That’s what made him nervous. He felt like he couldn’t think clearly anymore around you. He was going to make a mistake.

          It was only a matter of time.

---

          Waiting in the Quinjet with Bucky, you listened for updates on the mission. This time, they had gotten intel about a subbranch of Hydra dedicated to chemical warfare. Fearing another threat like anthrax, you set out to stop it. Everyone was in the building and you were on standby in case any pathogens got loose. Wanda could contain it, and you could eradicate it by healing all of the infected, and then they could disinfect the area. Hopefully, though, it was just a precaution.

           The atmosphere was calm, the lights off since the night sky was clear in the mountains. Moonlight filtering in through the front windshield, you were taking Bucky through the latest playlist you had curated for him when Nat radioed in.

           “We’ve almost got the lab secured. No injuries.”

           “Word.” You radioed back casually as Bucky looked at you confused.

           You were about to explain the response and pull up urban dictionary when Steve radioed back as well.

           “We had a group escape, some guards protecting the head researcher. They’re headed towards the jet. He blocked off the tunnel he used to escape so they’ll get to you before we can reach him.”

           “Copy that.” Bucky radioed back as he got up.

           When you got up to follow him, he gave you a look.

           “Hey, don’t look at me like that! I’m not completely useless. Besides, I think I could take on a lab lackey.”

          “I don’t want you to get caught up in the rest of it.” He responded seriously.

          Looking at him and realizing it wasn’t up for debate, your expression sobered up.

          “Okay. Just be careful, please.”

          He nodded as he heard voices approaching. He headed down the ramp and met them outside of the jet. You peaked out of the opening of the ramp as he took them out one by one. When all five were on the ground, you came out and checked to make sure he was okay.

          “Wow, impressive.” You commented, nudging one of the guys with your foot.

          “Wait,” you said, eyebrows scrunching together. “None of these guys are in a lab coat.”

           Just as he was about to respond, he glanced to the side and quickly pushed you out of the way. The lab coat tackled him where you had just been standing. They went rolling towards the edge of the cliff and you shouted his name.

           “Bucky!”

           He kicked the researcher away from him while still on the ground. As the man started rolling off of the cliff, he grabbed Bucky’s leg. Bucky started scrambling to find a grip as the scientist slid off the cliff, trying to take Bucky with him. You ran over to the edge, grabbing Bucky’s arm to support him as he tried to kick the guard off of his leg.

           “With you out of the picture, the path forward will be successful. Hail Hydra.” He shouted as he grabbed a knife from his pocket and stabbed it into Bucky’s thigh.

           Bucky grunted loudly as the scientist took the knife out and stabbed it back in. You strained to hold him up as he struggled to kick him off, blood streaming down his leg. With one more heavy kick, the man lost his grip and fell down the mountain. At the same time, the force of the kick had loosened the ground under you. There was a crack and you locked eyes with Bucky in panic.

          You cried out as you used all of your strength to bring him back up over the cliff. It started falling away as soon as Bucky had found his footing and he lunged towards the jet while grabbing you. He held you with one arm and kept you from hitting the ground as the other forearm took the impact and held you both up. Looking incredulously at the strength of his arm and then turning your head back to look at him, he gently set you down. You were both breathing heavily as you lifted your head to see the platform you were just standing on was now gone.

           You laid your head back down and closed your eyes in relief. Bucky took the opportunity to take you in. Your hair formed a halo around your face perfectly as it was spread out on the grass and the moon’s light made you look like your skin was glowing. You looked ethereal. Before you got the chance to see him gazing at you, he flopped over onto his back next to you, catching his breath. You looked over at him, the stars now reflected in your eyes, and started laughing lightly. He didn’t know what you were laughing at, but it made him start laughing. As it subsided, you sat up and faced him.

           “Can I please heal those?” You asked, gesturing towards his leg. You had never worked on his thighs and you wanted to make sure he was comfortable.

           He paused, partly out of shyness and partly not wanting to tire you out. Your gaze lingered on the wounds and he saw how much it worried you. He nodded and you leaned over to take a look. As you moved the blood-soaked fabric out of the way, he winced. The wounds were deep and bleeding still. You focused your hands overtop the injury and concentrated. The soft white glow enveloped your hands and his leg. He watched as the bleeding started slowing. After a few moments, the wound started closing and the pain started easing. Bucky tried to get up as soon as it became bearable, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him. Though your breath was slightly strained, the determination in your eyes stopped him and he slowly laid back down. Soon enough, he couldn’t even tell that anything had happened. Once it was completely healed, you then flopped down next to him.

          You both settled, watching the clouds pass in front of the moon and stars. After you caught your breath, you spoke:

           “Bucky Barnes, I owe you my life. Several times over. Thank you.”

           “I think you’re the one who just saved my life, doll.” He said, amused.

           “Ooh, doll. Somebody’s finally warming up to me.” You said, laughter in your tone as you stood up. “Do you call every damsel in distress you save a doll?”

          The answer to that question was “no” but before he could respond, you held your hand out to him. Bucky sat up and accepted it, standing all the way up. As he let go of your hand, you wrapped your arms around his midsection, cheek resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Bucky swallowed and then slowly brought his arms around you, his chin resting on the top of your head. Content.

          Unexpectedly, he stiffened. Something was wrong.

          “Bucky?” You called his name hesitantly as you stepped out from his grasp.

          You peered at his face and saw his pupils so blown out that you could barely see the blue anymore.

          “Bucky!?” You shouted as he fell to the ground.

          He couldn’t control anything except for his eyes as muscles all over his body started twitching. You knelt down and panicked, laying your hands against his chest, searching for an explanation. You hovered your hands over his heart and felt it so tight and strained it was barely pumping. You felt as if you were choking, and you weren’t even feeling the full effect.

          Cardiac arrest. How is this possible?

          You racked your brain for explanations. You instantly thought of the researcher. You traced a strange substance you felt through his veins until you found where it originated- from the knife wound.

           Poison.

           At this point, it had reached his heart. What little it was pumping was spreading the poison. It’s completely taken over his blood. You locked eyes with Bucky and saw the pain and panic in his eyes, his clenched jaw, and the tendons in his neck, outlined clearly by the strain. He was suffering.

          No. Much worse.

          He was dying.

          You had to save him.

          You interlocked one hand over top of the other and started doing compressions on his chest. What was normally a soft white light was now blinding. You could see the outline of his heart, and with each pump, the white light travelled an inch down his veins. Slowly, with each thrust, the white light made it further and further out from his heart.

          “What happened!?” Steve shouted. You hadn’t even heard the team come back.

          “We saw the light and came back as fast as we could!” Sam said.

          You shrugged Steve’s hand off your shoulder as you continued compressions.

          “Poison.” You panted.

          Thump.

          “He’s-”

          Thump.

          “Dying.”

          Thump.

          You hadn’t realized you were crying. Tears now spilled freely onto Bucky’s jacket.

          Steve stayed kneeling next to you as the rest of the team stood back, watching in amazement as the light made its way through Bucky’s body.

          Bucky locked eyes with him. He placed a hand on Buck’s head and wiped the sweat off of his brow.

          “You’re gonna be okay, Buck. You’ll pull through.” He said with a small reassuring smile.

          It wasn’t himself he was worried about. He’d never seen you exert yourself this much. He was in so much pain but dying would be better than seeing you go through this.

          You shouted with each thrust, trying to keep yourself from tiring out and stopping. The white light had made its way back around to the heart and Bucky’s entire body started relaxing. You felt relief as he stopped seizing and his eyes started closing. As you wiped the sweat off of your face, you realized your nose was bleeding. Just as you were about to sit back, you froze.

          There’s no heartbeat. You desperately connected yourself back to his body and felt that his organs were shutting down. You started compressions again, this time more vigorously. You were going to have to filter his organs for multiple rounds to reach every part, every cell affected by the poison. You wailed, crying harder as you felt his ribs crack from the force and then heal, only to be cracked again. You were starting to get lightheaded, and your muscles were burning. You could not keep it up for much longer. Desperate to get him back, you call to Steve beside you.

          “Steve. There’s. Adrenaline. In. Jet.” You gasped between each push.

          Steve was so distraught between seeing the both of you that he didn’t move right away. Natasha instinctively ran to the jet and brought it back, digging through it until she found the syringe and uncapped the needle.

          Natasha knew she didn’t need to confirm whether you really wanted to do this.

          “Injecting now.”

          She thrust the needle into your thigh and clicked the top, releasing the spring and shooting the needle into the muscle.

          You wailed again in anguish, fighting through the pain until you felt it hit your heart. The light had turned into a pillar, a beacon in the sky. Your hair once again in a halo, floating around you. The team had to shield their eyes and brace themselves against the force that hit them. You put newfound strength into each push until you could feel that every single drop of poison was filtered out of his body. Finally, Bucky opened his eyes.

          You stopped pushing on his chest.

          “Bucky?” you asked hoarsely.

          He was still coming to but was well enough to sit up. He clutched at his chest and found no pain. He then looked at his hand.

          “How did you-?”

          You fell over.

          Bucky scrambled over to you and pulled you into his arms. You coughed against his chest, bloodying his shirt. He looked at you and then at Steve, mouth agape. Steve could only look sadly back.

          He cradled you and brushed the hair out of your face, blood from your nose and mouth smearing before being covered by the new blood steadily streaming out.

          “I’m sorry,” You said softly, the sleepy look on your face deceivingly masking the gravitas of the situation.

          “Don’t apologize.” He said quietly, pausing to keep the tears from showing. It proved to be pointless as his voice cracked, asking:

          “Why would you do this? You should’ve just let me die.”

          You closed your eyes.

          “Because I love you, Buck. Always have.” You slurred tiredly.

          You whimpered and then stilled.

          Bucky cried while rocking you in his arms.

 ---

Part II

          You opened your eyes to a black room. No, not a room. There were no walls. You glanced down at your hands. You could still see them so it wasn’t dark, just… black.

          “Well, hello.”

          You spun around and saw the source of the voice.

          A serene, beautiful woman who had long dark hair and dressed in a green tunic addressed you.

          “What has brought you here, young one?”

Read Part II Here

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

【 𝐔𝐏𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒! 】

i usually work on a bunch of pieces at a time rather than focusing solely on one thing until it’s completely finished. i’ve found that if i don’t do that, i tend to lose inspiration. SO, below the cut are just some of the one-shots / drabbles / mini-series that i’ve been working on. if something catches your eye, let me know! you might just give me the inspiration to finish it before the others. these may be a bit vague but i don’t want to give too much away. so now that i think about it, this idea may flop asdflkasdg

~ everything is character x avenger! reader (with use of she/her) unless stated otherwise

~ also a WIP but not on the list is my ceo! bucky x reader series, which is still in the very early works. all of the ones listed here i have a good portion already written.

now enjoy my new favorite gif of sweet handsome baby charlie :-)

𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 ~ 𝚂𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚁𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜 【 𝟷 𝚘𝚏 𝟸 】

     You and Steve always promised to be open and honest with each other. So why did you have to hear from Sam that he ran into Peggy in the past… and hes been thinking about going back?

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 【 𝟸 𝚘𝚏 𝟸 】

     He made his choice, and everyone else is left to face the consequences. Everywhere you look seems to serve as a reminder of what’s no longer there.

𝐀 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐒 ~ 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚌𝚔 【 𝟷 𝚘𝚏 𝟸 】

     Matt has been acting distant for weeks. He won’t tell you what’s wrong, and he’s lying about where he goes when he sneaks out at night. One evening, you’ve finally had enough, and Matt returns home from work to find you packing up what little you have in his apartment.

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 【 𝟸 𝚘𝚏 𝟸 】

     This time apart is slowly killing you and Matt, anyone who knows you both can see that. But how can he make it right when he finds out you’ve just been sent on an undercover mission… to take down Wilson Fisk?

𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 ~ 𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜

     When he overhears a late night confession that wasn’t meant for him, Bucky is determined to do whatever it takes to talk to you. The only problem? You’re equally set on avoiding him.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐌𝐄 ~ 𝚂𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚁𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜

     After knowing Steve for years, and dating him for 11 months, you’re fed up with always being compared to the woman from his past. It’s not until he comes home from a mission to an empty floor, that he realizes how badly he’s fucked up. Is it too late for him to fix things?

𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ~ 𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚡 (𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚛 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚆𝚒𝚍𝚘𝚠) (still Avenger! Reader)

     Having been an Avenger for over a year, you’ve grown close with everyone on the team… except for a certain dark hair / blue eyed man. He avoids you because he secretly thinks you’re terrified of him. You’re sure he hates you because you remind him of his past. And you both couldn’t be more wrong.

𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 ~ 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚌𝚔

     Matt is unsure about a lot of things. But the one thing he knows without a doubt is that he loves you, and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Life has been crazy lately, so one day he plans something special.

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄 ~ 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚌𝚔

     With Elektra back in the picture, you distance yourself from Matt by volunteering for more missions. When he doesn’t immediately reach out, you’re hurt, but think maybe it’s for the best. After all, she was his first love. And then one night, an unexpected knock at your door. Are you willing to help the person on the other side, especially when you learn exactly what they’re asking of you? (((in my head i see this being pretty long, then again lately everything i write is hsdfkasdjf so this may be split into 2 parts but we’ll see)))

𝐀 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐈 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐎𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐍 ~ 𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜

     When Steve tells his best friend that he’s going to stay in the past to be with Peggy, Bucky jumps at the chance to go with him. But what happens when he comes back and realizes it was a mistake?

𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ~ 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚌𝚔

     Just 24 hours before you become Mrs. Murdock, you and Matt spend one last night as fiancés, reminiscing on the journey it took to get to exactly where you are.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒 ~ (𝚃𝚘𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍) 𝙿𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚎𝚛

     Peter has had a tough couple of weeks, and as his girlfriend, as tired as you are too, you make it your mission to cheer him up. Things rarely work out exactly how you want them to though.

just celebrated 150 followers and we already hit 175!!! thank you so much, it genuinely means the world that people want to follow and keep up with things i write. i love all of you!

[pies-writes-and-more]

drunk haikyuu boys singing to you

Synopsis: how some haikyuu boys sing to you while they’re just slightly drunk

Characters: Sugawara, Ushijima, Bokuto, Kenma, Yamaguchi, & Kageyama - all with a Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, some swearing probably, mention of a suggestive song (but nothing specific!). All characters in this fic are assumed to be of legal drinking age :)

Haikyuu Masterlist

Sugawara will literally sing to you anywhere anytime. Backup dancers no backup dancers, stage or no stage, drunk or not drunk. He is READY.

He’s definitely embarrassed you in the park before, singing to you at the top of his lungs some adorable little song that he’s now obsessed with. He has a really great voice but omg Suga please shush, people are staring at you.

But drunk Suga? Oh that boy is going to SERENADE the shit out of you. It probably won’t even be a romantic song to be honest. He’s probably singing some really suggestive song at you, winking with both eyes because he’s very tipsy (“m not drunk Daichi, I can totally handle another shot if you would jus gimme”).

He’s basically scream-singing because the music at the club is loud so it’s a lot of dance moves and hand gestures too. Tries to grind on you but again, had a few drinks, so he’s kinda just flopping around lol.

Has Daichi and Asahi singing backup for him even though Asahi doesn’t really know what the lyrics are so he’s just nodding and humming along (cut to his :O face when he realizes how suggestive the song is).

Ushijima doesn’t sing out loud in public sorry. But after a couple of shots that Tendo just keeps pouring for him, he’ll happily sit somewhere in the pub with you on his lap. His lips will continuously press kisses to your forehead and you can hear him softly hum or whisper the lyrics of the love song that just came on the speakers.

He’ll brush the hair away from your ear so he can continue softly humming to you with each kiss, smiling cause you’re so embarrassed but you’re also loving it??? And he loves you and just wants to tell you that. He might not be the greatest at words but this song seems to be lovely and has a good melody so he gonna at least hum it to you, singing out the parts that he really connects with.

You’re not even really sure if he remembers it in the morning cause you can’t really? tell? when he’s drunk? He becomes slightly more okay with PDA and his cheeks go a nice red but like tipsy vs drunk you got no clue.

But you catch him humming the song again later the next day and he catches your eye and gives you that smile again and like ugh butterflies.

Bokuto is has been preparing for this FOR AGES. He’s already thrown back a few shots but serenading you has been like a dream of his for AGES. So the shots are just adding to his confidence. Once they announce the start of karaoke, he is ALREADY on the stage.

Akaashi is ike sir please no just come back here and don’t embarrass us, but Bokuto is insistent because he is the best at everything so why would he not do it??

Gets on stage and picks some like very dramatic song, (if you’re a Brooklyn99 fan, imagine how Gina is dancing to Beautiful by Christina Aguilera to those teenagers cause that’s what I’m imagining rn lol) and at the beginning of the music, he just pulls the mic off of the stand like some cocky pop star, looks you dead in the eye and points at you saying, “This one is for you, hot stuff”.

You’re just hiding behind your fingers but like peeking through them because as entertaining as this is, you can also feel everyone staring at you and that is just a no thank you.

Akaashi is filming it and sends it to the group chat so everyone can laugh with him at how confident Bokuto is. But also like ??? Bokuto has a good voice and the team has only ever heard him singing in the locker rooms (but most of the time that’s like speak-singing? if that makes sense?) whereas right now he’s going full out because he loves you.

Kenma like Ushijima really doesn’t want to sing out in public. You might catch him humming along to his game’s music but karaoke? ya no sorry. Not unless it’s just the two of you in a private karaoke room, then maybe he’ll quietly sing along.

But the two of you are just chilling in a pub, watching some other volleyball players play a version of Never Have I Ever that’s about their volleyball teams (“Never has my teammates gotten a penalty for screaming at each other.” “Kuroo you ass.” “Not my fault, drink up Daichi, and all you Karasuno boys too.”)

Kenma had had a few drinks and was feeling pretty mellow. He felt like he could fall asleep right here with you in his arms but he was just nodding his head off to the music.

Then you started humming and quietly singing along to the music and he recognized it as something you had sung along to at home too. It gets to the part where the lyrics say something like “baby you’re everything to me”, and Kenma sings it with you.

You look up at him in surprise cause you honestly thought he was sleeping, but his eyes are wide open now, looking at you with literally all the love in the world.

Yamaguchi has literally the prettiest voice in the world and you cannot change my mind. He sings to you all the time at home, dancing with you in the kitchen while you’re trying not to burn dinner, or in the car while you two are singing at the tops of your lungs, but he’s never done it in public before. Cause that shit scary.

But after a few drinks warm his whole body, he’s smiling at you with closed eyes, swaying to the music.

“Are you okay, Yams?” You laugh, brushing your fingers through his hair and he just nods and holds your hand to his face while he half hums, half sings some of the lyrics to you.

“Holy shit, Yamaguchi can SING?” The Karasuno boys would go crazy. Cue Sugawara asking the owner of the establishment you guys are at to play a specific song he knows that Yamaguchi loves. All of them crowding around you guys like some acappella group, singing along with Yamaguchi.

You’re just like oh my god what is wrong with you all but like it’s the cutest thing ever. You filmed it. Posted it on your Insta.

Yamaguchi is famous now because girls are DYING over his voice and how he looks at you when he sings. He is very embarrassed but likes that you were so proud of him that you posted about him because this boi insecure please go love him the way he deserves.

When I think of Kageyama drunk, I’m thinking of his little dance before the meat BBQ scene at training camp LOL (note the gif above). This boy is dancing very awkwardly but he moving because he happy. But also like singing? Um no, he’s nervous thank you very much. He doesn’t really hum or sing in general so drunk Kageyama isn’t much different but if he hears you singing??? He starts giving you puppy eyes because he loves your voice so much. So you start singing to him and he’s nodding along with a little smile on his face. And then he starts singing too? At first it’s more like speak-singing but then he gets really into it (while also dancing very awkwardly) and he has???? such a nice??? voice???? like sir??? Why have you spent so much time yelling at Hinata when you could be singing?

He’ll like pinch your cheeks a little while he’s singing to you and is all red-faced because a) drunk and b) his inner self is like omg this is embarrassing please stop but he loves you so much he can’t help himself.  

** ** ** ** ** **

As usual, reblogs, comments, and likes and any sort of feedback are all appreciated! :)

Taglist (please let me know if you’d like to be added to a permanent Haikyuu taglist!) @aurumk​ (just cause I told you I was writing this and I know you were excited for it haha)