#and wow i cried so many times druing this

[wtfcami-blog1]

𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 -- ft. lido

waking up to her back feeling as if it had been cut from the inside out while in a pool of her own blood on one of the few nights she had actually agreed to a sleepover would prove to only be the first in a series of terrifying events that would unfold throughout the night. she had immediately shaken lido awake in a panic, and within minutes they were on their way to the emergency room.

cami a few hours and several tests later, the ultrasound technician had excused himself without giving them any word about what was going on. next thing they knew, there was doctor with a chart. she tried to pick up where the technician had left off in finding the baby's heartbeat, but the familiar sound never filled the room, and his words left cami speechless. this couldn't be happening. she opened her mouth to speak, but only a gasped breath came out. "i'll give you two a moment," the doctor told them as she scribbled something down on cami's chart. "but we're going to have to move quickly. with the abruption, the longer she stays inside of you, the more risk she's putting you in," she told them in a steady, but understanding tone before she did as promised and left them alone. she felt like she couldn't breathe. there was something blocking her airway, she was sure of it. "l-lido?" was all she could get out as her eyes stayed glued to the ultrasound machine that had already been shut off as if it would come back on, find the heartbeat and reveal the night to have been a horrible prank.

lido: terrifying was an understatement. it didn't even begin to cover what lido was feeling when cami shook him from his slumber. it was terror and disbelief and the utter lack of knowledge plaguing both of them that led the couple into a panic. the adrenaline was the only thing that got lido moving. otherwise, he would've been paralyzed with fear. even as they arrived at the hospital, lido's stomach turned and his mind ran wild with all the worst case scenarios. if the doctors said anything, he'd missed it, focusing all his attention on the what ifs he was facing as they waited for answers. all he could do was replay the vivid memories now burned into his brain of the hours before. it was so unlike him to take this news without firing back, but as much as lido wanted to tell them that they were going to check for a heartbeat until they found one. he wanted to yell at them for being incompetent, but he couldn't find the words. in a moment, he'd lost his daughter and now it seemed like cami's well-being was up in the air as well. his legs felt weak and his hands shook as they grabbed onto cami's, holding tight as if she'd slip away without his grasp. this wasn't about him, though, so he turned his attention to cami as she spoke. "it's gonna be okay, cami. we're gonna be okay," he nodded, trying to convince himself of the sentiment as he managed the words through a wavering voice. the knot in his throat grew and his chest began to tighten as the moments passed. "it's gonna be okay," he repeated a few more times. "we just.. have to deal with this and then we can freak out and scream and cry but.. i really can't lose you too, cami. i'm not leaving your side, babe," he shook his head, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he pushed the loose strands of hair behind her ear. "we'll be okay," he promised once more, stealing her sight from the blank display she'd trained her eyes on.

cami just a few hours before, everything had been fine. great, actually. she had noticed that nayvie had been moving more frequently, which was what all of the websites had told her to expect, and she had told lido that he'd probably be able to feel her kick within the next couple of weeks as her legs got stronger. but now none of that would ever happen. she had done something wrong, and she didn't even know what. but she was responsible for the life, and now she no longer had it. she didn't know what to say or do. part of her wanted to start screaming and pitching a fit until someone gave in and fixed everything, another part of her wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, and the last part of her didn't know what to go with, and it proved to be the strongest side as she sat there, still staring at the screen as lido grabbed her hands. nothing felt real. she didn't even feel real. and maybe that was a good thing, especially if her life really was at risk as long as the baby was still inside of her. "i messed up," she said simply, using whatever strength she still had to keep her tone even. "i shouldn't have gone to that party," she added, the guilt already eating her alive. "what else could it have been?" she asked, anticipating that he would insist that it had nothing to do with her poor decision making skills, even though they had no way to prove that it wasn't connected, either.

lido: the room they were in felt more like a movie set than anything else. it was like he was expecting somebody to come in and yell cut. either that, or lido was just waiting to be able to pull himself from this nightmare. it'd never happen, though. this was their reality. he couldn't figure out how to handle what they were immediately faced with and he didn't know how they'd ever move past this. in his jumbled up thoughts, lido couldn't find a solution. he couldn't find hope. all he could find was fears and reasons to blow up, taking his anger out on whatever nurse was walking down the hallway. all his life, he'd never found a problem money couldn't fix. it only took him twenty-three years to stumble upon this one and he wanted nothing more than to go back just a day, just so they wouldn't have to go through this. if that was how lido felt, he couldn't bring himself to imagine cami's feelings for even the briefest of moments. it was her body, her baby that she'd grown so close with over the last few months. it was a bond not to be broken and because of some cruel twist of fate, the unthinkable had occurred. "cami, baby, don't. don't think like that. this isn't your fault, y'know? it can't be. it's just some.. freak accident," he reasoned with himself, knowing that babies had been born with full blown drug addictions. a little weed didn't do this, but he didn't know what did. "can't fucking believe this is happening," he sighed, voice filled to the brim with anger and resentment. neither of them deserved this. nayvie, especially, didn't deserve this. "it's not your fault," he shook his head, biting down on his lip to keep from tearing up. he could feel the waterworks in motion, but cami was most important to him now, not his own emotions. "it's gonna be okay, cami," he said again, still unable to believe the words he spoke.

cami: the air was thick and filled with words and thoughts that neither of them could bear to voice. somehow, all of that would make this even more real, as if the doctor's words hadn't done that already. none of this made sense. this wasn't supposed to happen. she was supposed to continue growing until the beginning of october, and then they would have their own little family. but it was only june, and everything was shattered. she wanted to take everything back, make it all go away. rewind back to the beginning of their whirlwind relationship and make him wear condoms every single time. people say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but nayvie was the only person cami had truly loved and she could officially say that that sentiment was bullshit. nothing was worth just how broken she felt as the impact of everything settled in. "i don't believe in coincidences, lido," which she wasn't entirely sure was true beings the opposite meant that she believed in things like fate and destiny, but she didn't believe in any of that, either. maybe she didn't believe in anything. "i want to go home," she said indignantly. she knew that she couldn't go home, that there was no way someone would bring her release papers as long as there was still bleeding from the abruption leaking inside of her. but she didn't care. turning to look at lido for the first time since the news had been dropped, she swallowed, "i-i can't do this, lido."

lido: there was a certain amount of selfish anguish lido had to suppress in order to focus his efforts on making sure cami didn't completely lose it. as hard as he tried to not think about himself and how hurt he was, he always wound up being back at that familiar point. they were willing to give up everything they'd come to know for her. since he was a teenager, lido couldn't remember the last time he'd gone so long without tasting a sip of alcohol.

lido: he'd passed up so many nights out to spend them at home with cami and thank god he did. the governors ball was his favorite time of year, but if he'd been there rather than with cami, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself. all of these sacrifices had been made by both parties. they'd done everything right and they still didn't get to reap the rewards. they didn't get to meet their baby girl and that infuriated lido. for the universe to pick them after they so obviously tried their best to keep nayvie safe was sick and it was unfair. he had every right to be mad, he just had to wait. "babe," he sighed, knowing that cami would forever and always blame herself regardless of what he told her. he felt so helpless, like anything he did wouldn't matter. he couldn't help nayvie and he couldn't help cami, either. "you can't go home, babe. it's not.. safe," he stuttered, the implications of his words making his stomach turn. "i wish i could do it for you, babe, but i can't. you have to and i'm so fucking sorry. i'm so, so sorry," he repeated, shaking his head as if that'd will all the bad things away. "we just have to get this over with, babe. that's all we can do," he said, completely exasperated as he tried to emphasize 'we' rather than 'you'. cami had to know she wasn't alone in this, no matter how lonely she felt.

cami she should have known that something was wrong. where were her maternal instincts? why didn't she call the doctor when her back first started hurting her? why hadn't she been concerned that nayvie wasn't moving around as much as she normally did? even if their tragedy had nothing to do with the party, which she still wasn't completely unconvinced that the two weren't connected somehow, she knew that it was still her fault. she was the mother, she was supposed to notice when something was wrong. and she hadn't. she failed nayvie, she failed lido, and she failed herself. the thought made her feel sick inside. she couldn't imagine having to go through giving birth, but going home empty handed. it wasn't fair and it wasn't right. "lido," she said, ready to swallow her pride and beg for him to take her home, but the doctor reentered before she had a chance. "because of the nature of the stillbirth," she doctor began, cami's eyes shifting from lido to the doctor, "we are going to have to perform a c-section rather than a vaginal birth. it will help prevent excess bleeding caused by the abruption, and prevent further complications that arise when delivering a baby who is breech," cami tried to follow along with what the doctor was telling her, but it all sounded like buzzing in her ears. "this is considered to be a major surgery, so the recovery time will take a bit longer than with the traditional method. we need to go ahead and begin prepping you for the surgery, then the anesthesiologist will come in to give the epidural, and then you'll be taken to the operating room," she informed them, checking things off on the file as she did so. "do you have any questions before i send the prep team in?" a million questions flooded cami's mind, but there was only one that really stuck out, "do i have to be awake?" she asked meekly. the doctor let out a puff of air, "the complications with general anesthesia are too high for me to recommend something like that. there's always a chance of not waking up and the conditions are far more dangerous, therefore nobody else would be allowed in the room with you," she told them, looking between her and lido with a somber look on her face. "any other questions?" she asked, and cami just shook her head, unable to find the strength to string any other ideas together.

lido: lido was torn between two evils as the minutes ticked by. on one hand, he wanted those few more minutes with just cami. as long as there were no doctors or terms being thrown around that he didn't understand, maybe they could pretend nothing had gone wrong. it'd just be him, cami, and nayvie. that was how things were supposed to be. but more logically, lido knew that living ignorantly in that moment wasn't just foolish, but it was dangerous too. he couldn't deal with anything bad happening to cami at this point. not mentally, not emotionally, and not physically. she needed to be okay. without that much, lido wasn't sure how okay he could be. and again, it was selfish for him to rest his well-being on cami's, but he couldn't help it. his mind always wandered back to the same self-centered way of thinking he'd carried with him throughout the entirety of his life. if that was the case, maybe he just wasn't ready to be a dad. maybe he hadn't given enough up just yet. but now, lido felt like he'd given up everything. a little bit of selfishness had been earned, he thought. despite that, he knew that the sooner something was done, the better. moving on seemed like an abstraction, but at least they could try once all was said and done. the doctor immediately demanded his attention as he hoped for an explanation or an apology. her words practically fall on deaf ears, lido's focus only on the trauma that's only just begun. "i can't not be with her," he said, speaking like the fact wasn't up for debate. from his perspective, it wasn't. he needed to be by cami's side like he said he would. "i'll just stand out of everyone's way and i won't say a word, but i need to be with her," he promised, hoping that a bit of bargaining would get him his way. he'd do just about anything to keep cami safe, no matter the personal cost. "i can't leave her," he shook his head, holding her hand tighter as if that'd stop the doctors from following protocol.

cami everything hurt, from her body to her mind and heart. this couldn't be happening. it was a nightmare. she was back in her apartment, curled up beside lido, and nayvie was safe and sound without a bit of harm to her. that was the only reality that she could possibly accept. the one raging on around her wasn't real. or maybe nothing at all was real and she was just a spec that somehow had a wild imagination that ran on its own accord. even that possible reality was preferred to the one she was actually in. it was better than the one where she has ended one life and ruined two others in just a moment's time. lido's insistence of being with her broke her reverie in time for her to hear the doctor say, "as long as she just goes with an epidural, then you can be in there," she assured him before looking back to cami. "fine," she said, her mouth feeling dry knowing that she'd have to be awake for the procedure. "good, that really is the safest choice at this point. i will make sure that the anesthesiologist knows to just bring that. so, as long as there are no more questions, i'll send the prep team in," she told them before giving them a final look before exiting the room. cami took a deep breath and squeezed lido's hand for comfort, "i'm sorry," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. she had a feeling that he'd insist once more that it wasn't her fault, but she knew otherwise. no matter what anyone said, it was her fault. it was her body that didn't do its job. soon the prep team was in, going over the full procedure with cami and lido before getting her to sign consent forms, checking certain parts of her body, pressing on her stomach to confirm the baby's exact location, and asking a string of health related questions that made her head hurt. and then the anesthesiologist came in with even more questions and forms before he took out a giant needle and stuck it in her lower back after telling her "big pinch," though it was more like being severed. then a catheter was inserted so that he could add more medicine as needed, and then he gave her a chalky drink. "now we just give it a minute to kick in and then we'll wheel you down to the operating room," he promised and cami just nodded, still in a state of disbelief that all of this was happening. it was going by so quickly, but she figured that was because of the risk the bleeding was causing her. still, she felt like she could hardly breathe. then the doctor returned with a pair of scrubs in her hands, holding them out for lido, "if you're going to be in there, you have to go ahead and put these on. there's a bathroom down the hall and to the right," she told him, "and don't worry, we won't move ahead with ms. asher until you're back."

lido: all he did was blink and everything had changed. the life that he knew wasn't the life he was living anymore. in an instant, he was thrust into something new and something he didn't want to be a part of. it felt like whiplash. one moment, he was a completely free spirit, spending every night out and indulging in all his guilty pleasures. then, he was settling down, spending more nights in with cami as opposed to with every other girl in the city. as soon as that became the norm, their nights became much more sober to make room for nayvie. as quickly as she came, she was gone. it was heartbreaking. he could quite literally feel his heart breaking and nothing would stop that. cami's touch should've helped, but he still felt as though he was drowning with no hope of staying afloat. even if the circumstances weren't ideal, lido was still thankful he'd be able to stay by cami's side throughout the whole thing. he knew that it'd be hard to experience that when he could've easily stepped outside would be difficult, but cami didn't deserve to go through this alone. she didn't deserve to go through it at all, so whatever tiny contributions he could make to take some of the burden off cami's shoulders, he'd make that sacrifice. "thank you," he mumbled as the doctor agreed to allow him in the room alongside cami, willing to comply with any stipulations as long as he could be by her side. as soon as cami spoke, he felt the tear in his heart grow further. she didn't need to be sorry. this wasn't anyone's fault. she was already going through so much, the last thing she needed was to feel guilt. "don't be sorry, baby. for me, yeah? don't be sorry," he said, wanting to tell cami that it was nayvie who wouldn't want her to be sorry, but not yet able to speak her name. following her misplaced apology, everything seemed like a blur. none of the questions made sense and their answers seemed foreign. he was speaking, but he couldn't hear himself, ears ringing with the devastating news and the echo of his rapid heartbeat. as he watched everything unfold, lido felt like the audience of a dramatized television show. it still didn't feel real, even with several confirmations. he focused his eyes on nothing in particular as doctors came in and out, the room blurring before he's handed a pair of scrubs. when he fell asleep that night, he had no idea this was how he'd be awoken. "yeah," he nodded, indicating that he'd somehow managed to understand the doctor in spite of his inability to focus on her words. "yeah, i'll be right back, babe," he promised her, not leaving before he could press a kiss to her forehead. never before had lido changed clothes with such haste, absolutely terrified that in his absence, things would go from bad to worse. in no time, he was rushing back to cami's side as his heart continued to race. every second that passed was one hesitant step towards the inevitable. "i look pretty stupid, huh?" he teased, trying his hardest to lighten the mood. "you're gonna be fine, babe. everything's gonna be fine," he promised.

cami the world around her seemed like it was moving far too quickly. in the blink of an eye, everything around her had completely changed and she wasn't sure where one moment ended and the next one began. yet, despite the hustle and bustle of the various hospital workers around her, everything in mind was going far too slowly. she was ready for everything to be over with, and she still likely had hours to go before they could even talk about releasing her. but she wanted to be gone. the pain was too much, and not just the physical aspects of it. she felt drained and overwhelmed and claustrophobic. everything was out of her control and there wasn't a single thing that she could so to fix it. she didn't want to feel anything. and while the epidural had helped with that to some extent, it didn't stop the bad feelings, the toxic mindset that she had adopted over the years. she had always believed that it wasn't worth it to get close to and love someone, and this was just proof that she should have never let that wall drop, not even for a second. it was like the second she had fallen in love with nayvie, she was suddenly gone. everything she touched just turned to dust. she watched as lido ran out, and part of her was convinced that he wouldn't return. why would he? she figured that if the positions were reversed, she wouldn't want to be there, either. but then he returned, but her face remained stoic. too much was going on in her mind, and it felt like all of it was shutting down. "yeah," she said in response to lido's question, but she honestly wasn't sure what he had asked. and the next thing she knew, she was being wheeled down the hall and into what she assumed was the operating room. she felt far too grey's anatomy for her liking. but her eyes just glazed over as they set up a drape so that she nor lido could see the actual process that was being done to her body. but she didn't care. she wasn't sure that she knew how to care anymore. everything was just gone, and that was too much for her to really comprehend, and she didn't have the energy to try.

lido: as brave as he wanted to pretend he was, lido knew that as soon as he was out of everyone's sight, he'd be as good as broken. all those hospital cliches would come to life as he sought out an empty room just to drown out his cries, screaming at the top of his lungs with no real belief in a higher power and asking why. maybe he'd even make his way to the hospital's chapel and pretend for a little while, as if some omnipotent and fictional being could comfort him as the rug was pulled out from under him. very little, if anything, would fix this. it was wrong, but all lido wanted was to do a quick shot or two. he wanted to numb the few things he was still able to feel. as real as things were, they'd only get realer as the doctors set the scene. it was crazy. lido spent so many nights watching these weird shows about doctors and operations, but he never thought he'd play a supporting role in one. he never thought that his girlfriend, someone who he had most definitely fallen in love with, would be at the merciless hands of fate. "yeah," he repeated, sensing that cami was doing the very best she could under the circumstances. neither of them wanted to laugh or even crack a smile. he had a feeling that they'd both just be content if the ground opened up and swallowed them whole. he felt his legs grow weak as he followed cami and her entourage of doctors to the operating room. it was as if he'd collapse as soon as this was over, but he hoped he'd still have a it of adrenaline going through him to keep him from succumbing to his body's weakness. "everything's gonna be fine, babe," he said for what felt like the hundredth time that night, leaning down beside her so their eyes could meet. "just pay attention to me and my ugly gowanus canal eyes, babe," he said, hoping that once again, he'd be able to lighten the mood, though it seemed like an attempt made in vain. nothing would fix this for him and nothing would fix this for cami.

cami she wished that she could pinpoint the exact moment where everything went wrong, and that she could somehow go back in time and fix it. nayvie didn't deserve this. lido didn't deserve this. and even though cami knew she had made some mistakes in the past, she really didn't think that she deserved this, either. she didn't know how people were able to deal with the pain that she was currently experiencing, because she honestly wanted to just shut down and refuse to feel any of it. she knew that drugs and alcohol would help with that, but she had no way to access them, not really. and though the epidural was supposed to be a medical grade drug, it didn't do anything to numb the rest of her. it wasn't morphine or vicodin which would have made her much less aware and less caring of everything, and it was she would have preferred if given a choice. she didn't want to feel real. she didn't want to feel anything at all. at his comment, cami wanted to laugh, but she couldn't. her throat felt dry and she couldn't make any sound come from her lips. but she did as he'd instructed. she looked at the blue of his eyes rather than the blue of the drape that was blocking the procedure. it was a strange sensation. there was no pain, but she still feel. she knew that they were cutting into her, she could feel her skin moving and pulling away from each other, and she could hear the doctors and nurses conversing with each other. but the pain was nonexistent. if she tried hard enough, she was sure that she really could just be in a dream. "okay, ms. asher, mr. bacardi," the doctor whose voice was muffled by a mask, "we are nearly finished," she told them, shocking cami out of her daze. "w-what?" she asked, expecting the procedure to have gone on longer when it couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. "yep, these things go by quickly, especially in an emergency, which in your case, with the bleeding, it was," she explained and cami didn't know what to feel. "we just have to do a final check and the suture you up," she told her. that meant that nayvie was gone. she was out of her. the thought made cami want to throw up, but the chalky drink from before had made that impossible by neutralizing the acids in her stomach.

lido: if he said i love you then, despite how true it may have been, it would've appeared as though he was saying the words to make her feel better and not because he meant them. love was a big thing for somebody like him and somebody like cami. it just didn't seem like the time to drop the l bomb and terrify her even more. she'd shut down completely and lido was sure of that much. if he couldn't wrap his head around anything else, he was able to rationalize what he should and shouldn't do. maybe that was all they needed. hopefully, his head being as clear as it was would keep them from any additional crises. bringing love into it would've most definitely attributed to another disaster that they'd have to work through. her looking into his eyes was supposed to help cami, but lido felt as though he benefited from it as well. with her gaze, he found it more difficult to focus on the words of the doctors and every unpleasant sound beyond the curtain. it was good for him to have to keep her attention for the entirety of the procedure. seconds flew by but they lingered on as well. the whole night had felt like the quickest flash and simultaneously, the most painful eternity. some sort of relief washed over him as the procedure came to an end, knowing that soon enough, he'd be able to step away and let it all out. "but she's fine? cami will be fine?" he asked, trying to focus on what little good came of this. he still had cami and it was better than nothing. "you did it, babe," he told her, speaking with a lot less enthusiasm than he figured he would be when the moment of nayvie's birth came around. it wasn't a question he wanted to ask and he'd debated it the whole night, but he couldn't stop his lips from moving as he spoke, "do we get to see her?" he wasn't sure how he'd react, but maybe it'd be closure. maybe it'd make him feel worse. regardless, he didn't act quickly enough to keep the question unspoken.

cami: she wasn't sure if the quickness of the procedure was a good thing or bad. from a medical standpoint she was sure that it was good being it meant there were likely no complications and everything went the way that it should have gone. but mentally? she wasn't prepared for the curtain to come down and for her bump to be gone. other than the scar that she was sure to leave behind, it would be like she never even existed. and cami wasn't sure that she was ready for that. which was ironic given that not long ago she had complained about wanting her old body back. little did she know that she was cursing herself. careful what you wish for and all of that. maybe it would be easier had nayvie never existed. she'd be able to move on with her life and do all of the things that she had missed doing before. and then she hated herself for the selfish thoughts. "she is fine. she's strong," the doctor told him as if cami weren't right there while they were talking about her. "we will have to keep her in here for about three days as the incision heals and to make sure that an infection doesn't set in, but she should be perfectly fine... physically," but cami's heart sank when they said three days. she didn't even want to be there for three more minutes. everything was going wrong. she shouldn't have even had to be there in the first place. "yes, of course. if you would like to see her, i'll have the nurses clean her up and bring her to ms. asher's room. from there, you hold her, take pictures, anything of that sort," she informed them, but cami wasn't sure that she could. to lose her daughter was hard enough, but to have to see her and not be able to take her home? that seemed like torture. "do what you want, but i can't," she insisted as the curtain was removed and they began wheeling her down the hallway to her room. "maybe you should rest on it. we'll give you something to help you sleep," the doctor told her as she was transitioning cami into her hospital bed and replacing her iv, "then we can go ahead and bring her in for mr. bacardi, and you can tell us what you'd like to do once you wake up?" cami just nodded before the drugs took their course and she drifted off to sleep.

[julemmaes]

Today is World Autism Awareness Day

And my dear lady here (@tyherondaletrash) had the amazing idea of writing something Ty related to make this day special for her favourite baby boy, so we asked a few people if the cared to join our project and about twenty people answered our call. We posted fanarts and one shots and edits and headcanons (you can find them all here).

I hope you enjoy my part as much as I enjoyed reading the others and starring at the drawings cause we put ourselves into this.

Word count: 3,308

It was one of the coldest winter days ever in Los Angeles.

That afternoon it had even rained for a few minutes and the Blackthorns, who had gone out for a walk on the beach, had to run to seek shelter and by the time they reached the Institute they were completely soaked.

Julian had forced Tavvy to go take a shower, seeing that his younger brother had already planned to sprawl on the first free couch and sit there all evening, and Cristina had to drag her boyfriend Mark and Emma up the stairs, who had begun to jump into the puddle of mud and sand that had created at the entrance. Kieran had shaken his head, but his girlfriend had noticed the amused smile that had hovered over his lips before he mumbled Shadowhunters whispering, watching the two blondes in the group.

Ty had moved almost immediately, avoiding the splashes, but Kit and Dru, who had complained all the way to their rooms, had not been as careful and had spotted legs, which made Emma laugh satisfied. Although, almost an hour later, when the trio walked by the entrance, they saw her cleaning the floor, swearing against Julian that he must have told her something about setting a good example. Luckily, Mark was there with her, so at least she could complain to someone.

Ty, being careful not to trip over the bucket of dirty water, headed to the salon, where they would have had a party that same night. He didn’t realize that Kit and Dru were lagging behind, but he heard voices become more distant and realized that he was alone.

A large group of Shadowhunters would have arrived to investigate the unusual demonic activity that had been reported at the foot of the mountains, and Ty, who was among the first to gather information about what was happening, would have helped during the missions.

He entered the main hall and was surprised. Cold-colored tents came down from the windows like waterfalls and the tables, strategically positioned on either side of the room to give space to a dance floor, had already been set.

Cristina was giving orders right and left to the staff, with a crumpled sheet in her hand, and Julian was helping Kieran move a black piano to the center of the room.

His brother saw him and with a shake of the hand made him sign to approach. "Would you help us out?" Julian asked, arranging the bench so that it would be ready for anyone who would play that night. Ty nodded and continued to watch the blue and violet rustles hanging from every wall. "We have to put a viola and two violins and they’re all still in the music room, so could you go?"

Kieran looked at Julian with an expression that seemed slightly frightened, "Don’t forget the-"

"The guitar, Ty!" cried Cristina across the room. The voice resounded throughout the institute. All three guys winced. "Julian the guitar! Please, they have specified it so many times." The girl seemed exasperated and even though she had just showered, it looked like she had just finished running a marathon from how sweaty she was.

"I still don’t understand why musicians shouldn’t carry their instruments with them, but okay." Emma said behind his back, taking him by surprise.

"No questions asked, Emma, let’s be good hosts and give them a guitar." Cristina retorted approaching the group, who was waiting for orders to be given. "We’ve already ruined the surprise of the party, the least we can do is satisfy a few small requests."

"I’m going to get it." Ty announced, starting to walk away.

Kit followed him without thinking it twice, "I’m coming with you."

Cristina had already started giving other directions, "Mark, there should be other boxes in the library, you think about those. Dru, go call Tavvy, everyone has to help. Julian, Emma..." the girl’s voice got lost in the hall.

"So? How are you feeling?" Kit asked, looking at him sideways.

"How do I feel about what?" asked Ty sincerely confused, not understanding what his friend was referring to.

They had found each other again almost a year earlier and the meeting was sudden and completely unexpected. They had solved their problems in a simple way, even though the emotions in play weren’t, at all, and now they were in a limbo that even Ty could not decipher and this sometimes put him under stress, because he did not know how to behave in the presence of the other.

"For the party tonight." answered Kit, "I, um, I remember you didn’t like being in crowded places." he said scratching his forearm.

"Oh." whispered Ty. "I guess it’ll be quiet. There won’t be many people and the music will be more classical, considering the choice of musicians." he opened the door of the music room, taking two long steps towards the part where they kept the string instruments.

"Wow. I didn’t know you had so many instruments here. I’ve never seen any of you play." exclaimed the blonde.

"Emma’s father tried to teach her how to play the violin when she was little, but she wasn’t good at it, and she never tried again." Ty replied, taking the only guitar that was there. "We Blackthorns have always had other hobbies." He saw Kit nodding, as he tried to look everywhere but at the figure of Ty. They returned to the main hall in silence.

They finished fixing everything and then Helen, who had spent the last hours checking that every room had the necessary with Aline, sent everyone to get ready and announced that the guests would arrive a half hour later. Anyone who wanted could go with her to welcome them when they would arrive through the portal and Ty saw with some relief that even Dru seemed little inclined to the idea.

He had changed and wore a pair of elegant black pants accompanied by a simple white shirt. Dru had passed by a few minutes before proposing he wears a tie, but he had decided not to wear it. He was wearing black shoes, and the whole thing made him even more handsome than usual. Not that Ty cared much, he only did it because Aline threatened them all in case they ruined "her wife’s party," as she called it.

He was going down the stairs when he heard the noise of dozens of feet slamming on the floor. Well, the guests had arrived. He began to open and close his fists. He forgot to take his headphones, and it was too late to come back, because Mark was making weird hand gestures to tell him to join them.

He arrived at the entrance where Julian was helping the last Shadowhunter out of the portal to stabilize. The girl had a pale face and looked about to throw up so Ty looked away, focusing on a movement that had caught his eye in the garden. He approached the window overlooking the desert, but saw nothing suspicious and after a few more seconds of observation decided that there were no animals or demons around the Institute, and that the sensors were working.

The introductions began, and he would just nod his head to anyone. He had noticed that most were young, as it was meant to be, but there was a particularly high number of adults. Normally in these missions they sent the kids with little experience and only one or two with a few more years of fighting behind, to supervise the situation.

Unusual, Ty thought, thinking about asking his brother Julian if they had discovered something that he had missed.

A good part of the guests had arrived a few minutes before and some were already dressed for dinner, with elegant clothes and lavish shoes. It wasn’t every day the Los Angeles Institute was dyed a thousand colors. In the midst of all the whips and hairstyles he could see the rag of concealed weapons.

He felt a hand resting on his shoulder and turned to find Kit smiling at him, his eyes sparkling, "You look handsome dressed like this." Ty looked at him and saw that they wore the same clothes, only that Kit had decided to wear a blue tie that surprisingly captured the color of his eyes.

"You too." he allowed himself to say, and Kit’s smile widened.

"Come on, before these cockroaches invade our house and steal all our food." the blond said whispering, pushing him towards the hall, from where a slight melody came.

Ty was about to correct him, but a voice behind them preceded him, "Actually, it’s the locusts that invade places, but, yes, we should hurry." Dru gave them both a broad smile and Ty greeted her with his hand, smiling in turn. She was wearing a dress with long sleeves of a dark grey and very simple.

Kit snorted, "Yeah, whatever."

When they entered the room, the atmosphere was quite different from what it had been a few hours before, when Cristina was about to have a nervous breakdown. The girl was now arranging the last place cards on the tables, but unlike before, she now had a completely relaxed expression and seemed to float with that cream dress of hers.

Ty seemed to start accusing the noise, the absence of headphones on his head was heavier than when he was wearing them. He put his hand in his pocket, hoping to find one of Julian’s games, but it was empty. He felt his back stiffen, trying to focus on the music and the people that were playing. The melody immediately overwhelmed him, but he kept hearing people’s chatter and mumbling, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t isolate that roar.

He was going to turn around, go back up to his room and get his headphones, a book, anything to distract himself, when he saw Dru stop beside him and her features hardened.

When she spoke, she sounded threatening, "What is she doing here?" Kit and Ty followed her gaze to the table that was closest to the windows.

There, between four girls the two of them had never seen, was Paige Ashdown. And she was looking at them head-to-toe with a grimace of disgust on her lips. She turned to her friends and when they turned around again they all had an amused face.

"She’s part of the LA community, Dru. Helen told me that the other families in the city would come too." Ty replied, murmuring, as if he were afraid that Paige might hear him, looking at a flickering leaf of one of the centerpieces.

"Who is she?" Kit asked, squinting his eyes, trying to remember if that face was familiar.

"Paige Ashdown." Emma answered behind them. Dru jumped lightly, holding a hand to her chest and Kit cursed softly. But Emma was focused on Ty, a look that said ‘don’t touch my family or I’ll kill you’ in her eyes, "If she tells you anything, you tell me and I’ll take care of it."

Ty knew that taking care of something didn’t really mean that she would take care of that, and that it was actually a way of saying that she would beat her or kick her out of the Institute, but that thought wasn’t enough to calm him down.

He took a step back to the door, trying to talk. He didn’t like being stared at, and right now he felt five pairs of eyes burning on him.

The voices had become even louder. He cleared his voice and said, "Sorry, I forgot to take something. I’ll be right back."

He heard Kit call for him, but he did not turn around and quickly got past the people still crowded at the entrance who were heading very slowly to their rooms.

He opened the door of his room, slammed it, and ran in, grabbing the headphones and starting the music, and with his other hand he looked for his ball of rope in the drawer.

He was taking deep breaths while playing with the ball and when in his head it seemed to him that there was enough order he decided that he could go back down, but he would not enter the salon, no. He had to go out and get some fresh air.

He reached the edge of the desert and had almost completely calmed down, when he saw something moving behind one of the bushes in their garden. He snuck up, tried to make as little noise as possible, and avoided scaring any kind of animal that was hidden there.

The tail that sprouted from behind the leaves was very similar to that of a fox, but the color was more reminiscent of that typical of the coyotes. It couldn’t have been Irene, because it was too thick and not spotted.

"It’s a kit fox."

Ty nearly jumped up in the air like Dru did mere minutes before. He turned around and brought a hand to his belt, clenching his fist on a dagger. The sudden movement frightened the fox, that with two quick sprint was already running in the desert, away from Ty.

The girl who spoke, who Ty recognized almost immediately, covered her mouth to hold a giggle, "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I always feel sick when I travel by portal and when I went out to get some air, it was near the entrance." she said referring to the fox. She sat on the ground and hher long, blond hair was left loose. Ty found himself thinking that Emma’s were much more beautiful, more alive, but he relaxed, taking his hand off the knife and bending over to pick up the ball that he had dropped.

"What’s your name?" she asked him, sitting on the rock with her hands between her knees. She had a vague French accent, but it wasn’t as pronounced as you’d expect from a native speaker, she was probably raised in America, like him.

"I am Tiberius Blackthorn." He answered, looking at the dry land in front of him, hoping that the fox would come back and let him come near it.

"Oh, you’re Julian and Helen’s brother." she smiled.

Ty nodded, "And Drusilla, Mark and Octavian’s."

"Sure." she giggled.

"What’s your name?" Ty asked standing in front of her. Aline would surely scold him if he soiled his pants before dinner.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I’m Cléa Dubois."

Ty looked at her for a moment, nodding, and then, in a quieter tone, he confessed, "I had never seen a kit fox near here."

"Macrotis vulpes." she basically blurted out. Ty turned surprised towards her. "It’s not so common around here, it’s more likeable to be found in central Mexico and inland, not so close to the LA coast." Ty noticed that she was blushing, and was certain that the girl was embarrassed when she started playing with the ring on her middle finger.

"It’s strange that it’s in this area. It’s also mating period, it really shouldn’t be here." This time it was Ty who spoke and, even though he wasn’t looking at Cléa, he noticed that she had stopped fidgeting.

"Do you like animals too?" she asked with hope.

The boy kept looking at the landscape, "I love them."

"Oh, lucky me. I get unbearable when I start talking about stupid canids and birds of strange colors and-"

Cléa couldn’t finish the sentence, because Ty interrupted her, maybe a little abrupt, "They’re not stupid." He started playing with the ball again, a frown formed between his eyebrows, "This just got lost."

The girl blinked a couple of times, surprised by the tone of the other. "I- Yes, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend the canids. They’re my favorite family of mammals." She tried to clarify, "For real, sorry."

Seeing that Ty did not answer, she didn’t speak anymore, and the silence that arose was a bit tense, but they both seemed to enjoy the desolate desert that extended before them.

They stayed there and after a few minutes Ty heard someone call his name. He turned in time to see Kit running in his direction, with wheezing breath and a worried expression on his face.

"Where the hell have you been?" he panted, "We’ve been looking for you for 20 minutes."

Ty imagined that ‘we’ includeed all his siblings, "I’m sorry." he said sincerely. "I went to my room to get the headphones and then I went out, I didn’t realize it had been so long."

Kit rubbed his hand on his face, sighing loudly, but then Cléa sneezed so hard that the blond jumped into the air, practically flying in front of Ty to protect him from any lurking danger.

The girl burst into laughter and even Ty found himself smiling in front of Kit’s terrified face.

"And you are?" Kit asked slightly relieved that he didn’t have to fight some weird demon.

"Nice to meet you, Cléa Dubois. You’re Christopher, aren’t you?" Kit nodded, always with frowny eyebrows.

"How do you know him?" Ty asked, moving from behind the friend, to be seen by the girl.

"I am very interested in everything that concerns fairies." she said in a flat tone, getting up and cleaning her hands on her jeans. "So I was surprised when I found out your story. You’re the reason I came here, actually."

It was Ty’s turn to stand in front of Kit. He felt his friend’s hand resting on his back. There were only a handful of people who knew about the lost heir, and the fact that this unknown girl knew about his whole story was concerning.

"And what exactly do you want to do to me?" threatened Kit.

Cléa seemed confused, "I’m not trying to intimidate you. I want to help you."

The hand on Ty’s back slipped away.

The boy could not understand, but before he could ask for anything else, Cléa interrupted him, "But we will talk about it in a… safer place, maybe even with the others. For tonight, I’d rather eat something warm and talk about animals with you, if that’s okay." she first turned to Kit and then to Ty, and with that friendly smile, she went inside.

"Now, I’m afraid." Kit bit.

Ty hadn’t really heard him, he was still too focused on the girl, too upset to understand if she was a threath or not. And yet, when he spoke, he said the thing that made him trust her more, "She likes canids."

Kit moved in front of him, with an eyebrow raised. "What?"

"We met a kit fox." said Ty, with his eyes glimmering. "She knew what animal it was. I don’t think she’s bad."

"And so, if she likes dogs, she can’t be totally evil, you say?" Kit started heading up the stairs.

Ty followed him, reaching him in a short time, "She likes all canids, not just dogs. And the two things are barely connected. Why can’t a serial killer or a super villain like dogs?"

"I was just saying. Do you want to go to dinner?" Kit asked as they entered the warmth of the Institute, the voices already too loud even for the blonde’s taste.

Ty shook his head, "Let’s get some food and go to the roof. I don’t want to see Paige."

"I’d warn Julian first." Kit said walking towards the hall, then stopped and turned to Ty with an amused smile, "Do you want me to call the dog lady?"

"No, I’d rather be with you." the black-haired boy answered sincerely.

Kit nodded and Ty thought that yes, Cléa would have to wait the next day to dump the mess that was their lives on him.

@tyherondaletrash @clara-sm @can-god-strike-me-down @tessaherongraystairs @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @jamescordelias @grxceblqckthxrn @thecerridwen @stitch-kiss @alastairlightwxod @ahiretsinging @allofmywonders @tremendousheadachecollector @tlh-tea @taco-taco-belle @city-of-fae @ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes @thomascarstairsx @alastaircarstairsx @fair-y-child @matthew-herondale @thomaslightwoodx

[darkjanet2]

Drusilla's Soul Chapter 8 Part 1

Seven Years Later

Raven Bar, San Francisco, Ca -

It was loud music as people were dancing in the nightclub. And the rest of them were drinking alcohol and socializing.

This is the rhythm of the night

The night, oh yeah

The rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of my life

My life, oh yeah

The rhythm of my life

It was a dark haired woman who wore a dazzling black dress dancing on the dance floor. Drusilla was having so much fun and was very sociable.

You could put some joy upon my face

Oh, sunshine in an empty place

Take me to turn to, and babe I'll make you stay

Oh, I can ease you of your pain

Feel you give me love again

Round and round we go, each time I hear you say

This is the rhythm of the night

The night

Oh yeah

The rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of my life

My life

Oh yeah

The rhythm of my life

Drusilla was swaying her hips as she danced with her eyes closed and she swung her arms. She got the best moves.

Won't you teach me how to love learn

There'll be nothing left for me to yearn

Think of me burn and let me hold your hand

I don't wanna face the world in tears

Please think again I'm on my knees

Sing that song to me

No reason to repent

I know you wanna say it

This is the rhythm of the night

The night

Oh yeah

The rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of my life

My life

Oh yeah

The rhythm of my life

This is the rhythm of the night

The night

Oh yeah

The rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of my life

My life

Oh yeah

The rhythm of my life

This is the rhythm of the night

Oh oh oh

This is the rhythm of the night

Oh oh oh

Rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of the night

The night

Oh yeah

The rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of my life

My life

Oh yeah

The rhythm of my life

This is the rhythm of the night

The night

Oh yeah

The rhythm of the night

This is the rhythm of my life

My life

Oh yeah

The rhythm of my life

This is the rhythm of the night

The song had finished, Drusilla walked to the bar counter and sat on the stool. There were a couple sitting on the stools.

“Nice moves you got there.” said a woman with a short, blond bob hairstyle, wearing a pink crop top, black leather skirt, black heeled sandals, and accessory with a ruby teardrop necklace.

“Thanks.” grinned Drusilla.

A handsome man wearing metallic silver button down shirt and black leather pants, black shoes and accessory with Rolex. He was holding his girlfriend’s waist.

“So, you seem to have a lot of fun, huh? Care for a drink? I’m Brittney. And this is my boyfriend, David.” said Brittney.

“Hey.” said David.

“Hi. I’m Drusilla. You two have a very good couple. When do you guys meet?” Drusilla asked.

“Oh, we just met on Tinder.” said Brittney.

“Tinder? Heh, I’m sorry, what exactly is Tinder? I don’t know what that is.” said Drusilla, she had no idea what Tinder is.

“It’s a dating app. Where you meet many people, and go on a date with that person." David finished explaining.

“That’s right, when you see the picture below these icons. Tap the heart button if you like them and tap the cross button if you don’t like them. Or you can swipe the screen left and right.” said Brittney.

“Oh, I see. Does it work? Did you talk to each other on Tinder?” Asked Drusilla.

“Oh, yeah, I’m the one who tapped the heart button and me and David were matched, and we did our conversations. We started on a date a while ago.” said Brittney.

“Wow, Tinder sure does work.” said Drusilla.

“Of course it does. You can try Tinder, it’s a smart technology.” said David.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not just that type of girl.” said Drusilla.

“C’mon, don’t be shy. I’m sure those guys got hot on you.” said Brittney.

Drusilla furiously blushed, “Hey, come on! I told you I’m not that kind of girl who is looking for a date. I mean, why do you want me to try Tinder?” she asked.

“Because I know you’re single and you will install this app on your phone.” said Brittney.

Drusilla sighed, “Alright, fine, I’ll try it. If it doesn’t work, I’ll uninstall it.” She picked out her iPhone X from her purse and she installed the Tinder app and created her new account.

After she finished it, the bartender gave them drinks. Drusilla drank raven cocktail. Brittney and David drank maple cocktails.

Brittney and David said goodbye to Drusilla and exited the bar. It was dark outside. The night was still young as Drusilla made her way towards her Lamborghini. She entered her Lamborghini and closed the door. She let out a sigh. She was about to leave till she started to have a vision of Brittney and David being attacked by a group of vampires. She had to get over there quickly.

Brittney and David were walking down the empty street, they were a bit buzzed from drinking and giggling. They couldn't stop kissing each other as they weren't paying attention to their surroundings. Five of these people smirked at the couple.

"Well, well, well. Look who wandered into our turf. The little lovebirds seem that tonight is our lucky night." The leader said as he circled the couple.

“Hey, who the hell are you? What do you guys want?” demanded David, he was defending his girlfriend.

"Awe, look at the little pup trying to defend his princess. How adorable.” said a female now licking her lips.

"Come on, sis. You know the young ones are never good." Said the male twin.

"Please leave us alone, or else I’ll call the police if you get in trouble. Now fuck off!” yelled Brittney.

"The little lamb thinks she can threaten us. That’s so cute. I wonder what she tasted like." Another male entered with a slight British accent.

"Okay, it's time to feast, ladies and gentlemen." The leader said to them and they started to transform. Their eyes changed to yellow, their face started to morph into the vampiric visages. And their teeth turned into the sharp fangs like knives.

"What the actual fuck?!” screamed David.

Brittney screamed as she started to hide behind her boyfriend.

“Well, let's see who wants to be eaten first?" The leader grinned evilly.

"How about my fist!?" David shouted and threw his fist at the leader.

"Welp, it seems we got a volunteer." The leader said and caught David's fists and snapped it backwards.

David let out a loud scream in agony as he walked backwards crying looking at his girlfriend.

"Run, Brittney!" David shouted and slowly tried to ignore the pain.

Brittany was going to run away until she bumped into a vampire.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the muscular vampire smirked evilly.

He grabbed her head and slammed her head on the brick wall. She fell over with her forehead bleeding as the blood dripped on to the floor. The male licked the blood off the pavement and smirked.

His mouth wide open and had his fangs inches away from her neck. The vampire felt his head being kicked away from Brittney’s neck.

"Okay, assholes, back away from them." demand Drusilla, stancing in fighting style.

“Who the hell are you?” asked the muscular vampire.

"Your worst nightmare." Drusilla replied normally and she started attacking the muscular vampire.

The muscular vampire tried to punch her, she dodged his fist. She struck her knee to his rib, swiftly kicked to his face as he stumbled backward and crashed the trash cans.

“Holy shit!” shocked the young male vampire.

“That chick knows how to fight!” said the female vampire.

“I’ve heard of her before. She’s a vampire with a soul.” said the leader.

“A soul? Heh, so the vampire has gone good? What a joke." The female vampire said as she walked toward her.

“I’ll make her one on one cuz this isn’t going to be a catfight."

She struck a punch to her face, but she dodged her blow. Drusilla tried to kick her to the head, but she defended her with her arm, and she swirled a kick below and made Dru fall.

“C’mon! Is that all you got?” she taunted.

Dru got up and rolled her shoulder and smiled.

“Not on your life.” Dru replied and she transformed her vampiric face and charged at her. Dru clawed her cheek as the black haired vampire shrieked painfully. Dru smirked and grabbed her and threw her against the wall.

Drusilla sank her fangs to her neck and drank her blood as the vampire exploded to a dust.

“Jill!” the twin vampire cried to his twin sister.

Drusilla turned to the rest of the vampires.

“You bitch! You killed my sister!” yelled the twin and charged at Dru. Dru calmly grabbed a broken plank from the trash and staked him to the heart as the vampire exploded to a dust.

“I got her, boss. I’ll handle this bitch.” said the long haired vampire as he charged at her.

He kicked her to the gut as she held her belly painfully, then she felt another strike to her face and bled a little.

“Get ‘er, Alex!” shouted the muscular vampire.

Alex was grinning madly as he was about to finish her. Dru could not lose, not like this. Just remember when Blade taught her how to fight.

Dru reached something from her holster leg, she picked out EDTA and threw a syringe to his chest as the long haired vampire yelled in pain. His body began to swell up enormously and exploded causing the blood splattered on the wall and on the ground.

“What the fuck was that!?” shocked the leader vampire.

“Why don’t you come here and start doing yourself?” asked Drusilla.

“I’ll get her, boss. She’s mine!!” the muscular vampire yelled and charged at her. Drusilla took out a glaive and released the button to reveal the twin blade and threw at the muscular vampire by cutting through his throat, separated from his body and dusted. The glaive returned to Drusilla’s grasp.

The leader growled angrily. “Well, just look at you. You may be a vampire, but I don’t have a soul. I’m the most evil vampire in the world and I shall perish you for killing my comrades. And so, who taught you how to fight, huh?” he asked.

Drusilla smirked, “If you wonder who taught me, I was trained by the daywalker, Blade.”

“Who??”

Then Drusilla attacked the leader, but he blocked her blows just in the knick of time, the leader jabbed to her face but she dodged to the right and roundhouse kicked to his ribs caused him to be sent sailing into the wall.

“You’re gonna pay for this!” enraged the leader charged at her.

He tried to punch her but she dodged every strike and then she brought her knee up into his stomach and hit him on his back with her elbow. Drusilla withdrew a silver stake and stabbed him in the back causing the dust exploded.

Drusilla sighed that the threat was over. Brittney slowly walked toward Drusilla.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, Drusilla turned around to see Brittney’s cut on her forehead leaking blood down to her eye. The sound of blood pulsating that Drusilla could feel the hunger through her. She resisted and backed away from Brittney.

“Get away from me.” said Drusilla. Brittney hesitated.

[anjibooks]

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare (Book Review)

I'm just going to jump right into the review as I am feeling too lazy to really think out an intro, sorry. I have some mixed feelings about this book-- it's definitely my least favorite of Cassie's conclusion novels. Usually she's a goddess at writing the most satisfying and glorious conclusions, but here I found the finale somewhat lacking. The main reason for this is due to the fact that Cassie spent so much time setting up for her Wicked Powers series with the younger characters that there were way too many new issues opened and way too many loose ends created in this book. Like Cassie spent A LOT of time with Ty, Dru and Kit (lol I forgot what his nickname was and was like Chris? That doesn't sound right...) and creating tensions, plot lines and dramas there that are clear set ups for a series that is not this one. Usually Cassie's set ups or hints to other things are more subtle, and flow better with the story, yet this time it just made this book feel like another book in a series instead of a satisfying finale. A lot of people had issues with Clary and Jace's involvement in this book, but I would actually argue their parts were some of the best-- though, I may be completely biased seeing as I live for Jace and Clary. Like wow, wait... maybe I should save that comment for the spoilers section lol, but let it be out there that I have absolutely no issue with my TMI characters being involved in these or future books. So my biggest issue was with all the set up for another series, but the other thing that irked me was something that was supposed to irk me: Horace Dearborn and his biggoted followers. It's not at all subtle what Cassie is alluding to, and while I applaud her for adding her own social commentary, I found the big presence of Dearborn and his followers and what they were working for all together extremely depressing and irritating. Like I get it-- I KNOW that the political situation sucks in America, I couldn't agree with Cassie more on that, but I kinda read books to escape the real world, so reading a situation paralleling with what we're already dealing with just was depressing and irritating (as I already stated many times). This whole thing with the Cohort was also irritating because HOW DID NO ONE COMPARE HIM TO VALENTINE WHO WAS EVIL AND EVERYONE ABSOLUTELY HATES? Like they're the exact same, they even both hated downworlders?? Ugh. People were also making a shit ton of hasty, dumb decisions that got them into bad situations, which irked me as well. Actually, a lot of things just felt rushed in general, it was strange. There was also a LOT of drama in this book, and not the normal of level that felt actually enjoyable-- like a little too much. It just pushed certain things, which made the whole thing feel extremely melodramatic, especially the Julian-Emma situation. Okay, these are all my issues with it, but let me just remind y'all it's a Cassandra Clare novel-- obviously it's good! 8/10 stars, just there were some issues that stood out to me. OF course, it still had all the classic Cassandra Clare blending of action, relationships and characters that made a fantastic novel. It's just that I hold Cassie to on another level for ratings, which isn't exactly fair, but she's proven time and time again that she is a stellar author. Anyway, here's the synopsis: Dark secrets and forbidden love threaten the very survival of the Shadowhunters in Cassandra Clare’s Queen of Air and Darkness, the final novel in The Dark Artifices trilogy. What if damnation is the price of true love? Innocent blood has been spilled on the steps of the Council Hall, the sacred stronghold of the Shadowhunters. In the wake of the tragic death of Livia Blackthorn, the Clave teeters on the brink of civil war. One fragment of the Blackthorn family flees to Los Angeles, seeking to discover the source of the disease that is destroying the race of warlocks. Meanwhile, Julian and Emma take desperate measures to put their forbidden love aside and undertake a perilous mission to Faerie to retrieve the Black Volume of the Dead. What they find in the Courts is a secret that may tear the Shadow World asunder and open a dark path into a future they could never have imagined. Caught in a race against time, Emma and Julian must save the world of Shadowhunters before the deadly power of the parabatai curse destroys them and everyone they love. And here's the spoiler section of my thoughts on the novel: Okay, so I feel like the conflict all came down to Emma and Julian turning into nephilim, and it was epic how they utterly DESTROYEd everything but...I feel like they got off wayy to easy. Like the whole forbidden love has been pushed on us since page 1, but there were no consequences from anyone after the big fight and I felt like it was all too easy. Maybe this is just because I'm biased, but the whole Thule situation where the TDA crew fought felt blasphemous. Like uhhh ONLY the TMI crew can kill Sebastian. And also the fact that it said Julian was fighting toe-to-toe with Jace felt like a joke to me. Like Jace normally is already one of the best warriors there is, but since he has angel blood he is legit like the best fighter. Julian wouldn't stand a chance. Also blasphemous-- Zara using Cortana. Like, no, sweetie fuck off. Oh yeah, and the ending with everyone leaving Alicante was just annoying and an extremely obvious set up for more to come. Like this book would've been SO much better had it not been marketed as a conclusion. Kind of a similar situation to ACOWAR, actually. Basically my all time favorite parts of this novel were with all the old cast, which is bad, I know, but I'm just so partial to those characters. Like Alec proposing gave me the will to live ahh. And then when Clary cries and Jace wonders what he did wrong this time for the proposal! I LOVE THEM. OH MY GOD. lIKE AH. And then Thule Jace showed up and wanted Clary and... excussee me? leave my Jace ALONE. Lol, but seriously, my biggest investment in the next series is still about Jace and Clary... whoops. Thanks for reading, ​Anji

[imissthefire]

Kierarktina Kids Headcanons pt 5

The fifth installment is finally here! Wow! As always, here are the links for: part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4.

I hope y’all enjoy this set, I went with a pretty soft and chill bit here. I’m gonna give y’all a heads-up now, there isn’t much Kieran in this one and I lowkey didn’t really realise it until I finished this set. That being said, I will be posting another set of these within the next few days (hopefully) to make up for it!

·         Kalli and Lia are quick to bond and get pretty close to each other

·         Lia does her best to be a good example to her baby sister and is always trying to convince her parents that she should take Kalli out of her crib to play

·         “Lia, she can’t support her own head, she can’t do that yet”

·         “No, but I can hold her, it’s okay, we can still play together”

·         “No, Thalia, you can’t”

·         This frustrates Lia a little bit that she isn’t allowed to have Kalli out alone, but she understands to a point

·         Kalli is a big time Mama’s Girl, she loves Cristina and no one makes her as happy and calm as her

·         It’s obvious to all the parents that she gravitates mostly to Tina, but it becomes a fun competition between Mark and Kieran to see who can be her favourite dad

·         It’s completely harmless because they all know that at the end of the day, Kalli loves all her parents equally, even if she’s clingier to her mum

·         So, Mark and Kieran are lowkey trying to out-do the other and see who can make Kalli smile the most

·         They keep score of it too, it’s wonderful

·         Of course they still give Lia the attention that she wants and needs, there’s no neglect there

·         Lia eventually catches on that they’re trying to entertain Kalli when she notices a little scoreboard on the wall higher up in the nursery at the cottage

·         So, ever the diplomat, Lia will cling on to one of her dads more than the other for the day so she can try and even out the score

·         It’s a wholesome time and it really brings the whole family together to just be with each other, even if they’re sometimes doing things just to entertain the other

·         No one’s ever left out, Lia gets to spend time with whoever isn’t trying to entertain Kalli, and Kalli has revolving attention on her

·         Hop ahead a bit, Lia’s now 4, Kalli is just over a year old

·         Kalli has a very basic vocabulary, they like to attribute it to how much time Lia spends talking to her about all the fun they’re gonna have when she’s a bit older

·         So she picked up a lot as she grew older

·         At 7 months, Kalli spoke her first word, it was “wia”

·         When they realised she was calling out for her big sister, the parents all cried, it was so Wholesome™

·         Anyway, back to the now

·         So, the family is currently at their apartment in NY

·         The apartment has two bedrooms, the girls share one, and Mark and

Tina (and occasionally Kieran when he can get an excuse to slip out of Faerie) share the other

·         So the girls are in their room, Lia having a bit of play time before one of her parents will come put her to bed

·         She has a set of toys out on the floor and is having a pretend tea party with her favourite ones

·         Kalli’s half asleep in her crib, but Lia really wants to hang out with her little sister

·         So, she does the only logical thing she can think of

·         Lia climbs over the bars to Kalli’s crib and sits beside her

·         Kalli kinda just stares at her, but she starts smiling all big and sweet, crawling over to be closer to Lia

·         The girls kind of just hang out there, Lia stands up and grabs one of the picture books from a nightstand that sits beside Kalli’s crib and opens it up

·         Lia can’t really read, but then again, she’s just five

·         She can make out some words, but they mostly just look at the pictures

·         The books was given to them as a gift by their uncle Adaon when Kalli was born, it had a bunch of Faerie stories often told and shared with young children of the Fae

·         There were some interesting stories in it, one about a mermaid who swam through the oceans and ravaged shipwrecks, another about an elusive goblin who lived in tunnels beneath Faerie that nobody really knew about, even a story about The Wild Hunt

·         Lia’s favourite story, however, was one about a young Pixie who would steal off every night to the mortal world, bringing back secrets and stories, selling them away for the price of a kiss in hope of finding love

·         She didn’t quite understand the workings of a kiss for a story, but she liked the idea of stealing away to come back with treasures in the words heard in the shelter of the night sky

·         Kalli liked a story that was about a Princess of an old court that once had been

·         She didn’t understand the story too well, but she liked the pictures and found the Princess’s dresses to be very eye-catching

·         So, Lia did her best to sort of read the stories to Kalli

·         She had heard the story of the Pixie enough times that she could kind of explain it from memory, but again, the two of them mostly flipped through the book and looked at the pictures

·         While the girls are in their room being Wholesome™, Tina’s in the room next to them having a small panic

·         She got word from the Alliance that there needed to be an emergency meeting that night as there was an outbreak of demons thanks to a warlock and faerie who got drunk and decided it would be fun to summon a lesser demon

·         Only they messed up big time and summoned a small hoard of them instead

·         So now, there’s demons on the loose in the Bronx and they would need to apprehend the warlock and faerie, and also deal with the demons

·         Wonderful times

·         When Mark comes in, she tells him about it and realises that they can’t bring the girls with them, or leave them at the NY Institute for the meeting, as it would likely result in a few days of work and a mission that they would most likely be set out on

·         Since there’s been a lot of activity in the courts, they can’t send them off to Kieran

·         Time to call up some aunts and uncles

·         Hop ahead a few hours, a portal was opened and the girls are soon to be in LA with their aunts Aline, Helen, Dru, and Emma; and Uncles Julian, and Tavvy.

·         Ty had just left LA a few days ago, he’s looking into strange activity in Dubai with a few other Centurions

·         Emma and Julian love babysitting

·         They often take care of Helen and Aline’s kids when they need to, but over all just love spending time with their nieces and nephews

·         Helen and Aline have 2 kids, one boy and a girl

·         Their daughter was an orphaned young Shadowhunter found wandering the outskirts of Belgium not long after the Cohort closed off Idris when she was just four years old

·         Their son is two years younger than his sister, but four years older than Lia

·         He was a changeling child that was discovered with a clan of wild fae who were found with a small group of many other changeling and half fae children

·         Unfortunately, having been on the run from both courts, and the children being either half mortal or fully mortal, they were all very sickly and he along with one other were the only ones to survive when the wild fae clan had caught

·         The other child had gone to a mortal family, and the boy found his way to the Unseelie lands and was discovered sleeping at the base of a willow tree in tattered clothing

·         He and Lia got along very well, but he was incredibly shy around anyone outside of the family

·         Anyway, when it came time for the girls to go, Helen had come through to get them as the girls travelling along by portal was risky and also because Kalli can’t really even walk without stumbling, so that was another concern

·         Once the girls arrived, Helen took them to the kitchen, immediately going into full-on Mother Mode™, making sure they were okay, that portaling hadn’t made them sick, that they were well fed and okay

·         Kalli whined, wanting to go to bed, Lia was asking about her cousins, wondering where they were

·         Though when they had left NY it was night, it was only evening in LA, so her cousins were still up and wandering about

·         Kalli kept fussing, trying to squirm out of Helen’s arms

·         Hearing the commotion, Dru peeked her head out from around the corner and was excited to see the girls

·         Lia ran up and hugged her, Kalli kept her whining

·         Dru asked Helen if she would be able to take Kalli off her hands, and Helen let her

·         It was as if being in her arms, everything went calm

·         Kalli calmed her fussing and nestled into Dru’s shoulder

·         Helen was amused by Kalli’s temperamental self, but was also not surprised

·         Dru was so good with kids despite always saying she hated babysitting

·         She’s such a liar, she loves spending time with her nieces and nephew

·         Hop ahead, it’s been about two days since they arrived in LA

·         Lia can be found running around the Institute with her cousins, playing various games

·         Her oldest cousin has been doing a lot of studying, and she’s started to train as she will be getting her first runes in just over a year, so she’s not always able to play with the younger ones

·         Kalli spent a lot of time clinging to her various aunts and uncles

·         She spent a lot of time with Julian and Emma, the pair of them love taking her out down to the beach

·         Julian can’t get her to leave him alone though, it’s adorable

·         She clings to him more than the others and he absolutely loves it

·         Emma’s lowkey jealous, but it doesn’t bother her

·         If anything, she understands Kalli, she wishes she could just cling to Julian all day too

·         The girls end up being out in LA for just shy of a week

·         They enjoy their stay, but they’re really starting to miss their parents

·         By day six of being in LA, they’re really antsy, Kalli won’t talk to anyone except for Lia, and it’s only to tell her she misses her mama and daddies

·         Lia tries to be comforting, but by that sixth day, she’s really feeling it too and misses her parents

·         Their cousins try and help keep them busy and play with them, but they also let the girls have their space because sometimes they just need to be on their own

·         Finally, the evening of the sixth day, Mark and Tina portal to LA to pick up the girls

·         Julian and Emma had just finished helping them get ready for bed when they arrived, and the girls were elated to see two of their parents

·         When Cristina sees them run up and hug her and Mark, she gets super emotional

·         She’s so happy to have them back, she feels bad that the mission ended up taking much longer than anticipated

·         Later that evening, Mark really starts to notice that something’s up with Tina

·         They decide to stay the night there as they don’t want to really rush the girls back home after they’ve already mostly settled in for bed

·         So, they get a little time to have hug time and a snack, but are back off to bed

·         Mark’s suspicion of something being up with Tina picks back up when they head off to Mark’s old room to go to sleep

·         During their whole mission, something’s been up

·         He decides to head off to shower real quick before heading to bed, trying to get his mind straight and figure out what might be going on

·         Tina’s been a bit off lately, and she’s currently curled up on the bed around a pillow listening to a playlist with fae music

·         It’s not that she’s never done that before, but he hadn’t seen her like this since when she was pregnant with Kalli

·         Oh

·         It hits him then that he might have an idea what’s up

·         It starts making sense

·         Her emotions being a bit all over, her very particular wants and needs, the way she was being more defensive when they were battling demons rather than being more direct in attack

·         Oh wow

·         She’s pregnant again

·         He tries not to overthink it, but when he’s in the shower, his mind likes to play a game called let’s think about everything right now and panic

·         So, he lets his mind run in circles

·         He does attempt to rationalise the thoughts

·         Since Lia and Kalli, they don’t often have nearly as much—ahem—bedroom time

·         But like

·         The triad do still manage to find time to be intimate with each other

·         After a long enough time to letting his mind whirl, he heads back into the bedroom

·         He notices that Cristina’s curled up tighter around the pillow and the music she’s playing is much softer now, but still very distinctly Faerie music

·         Mark does his best not to disturb her when he sits down next to her, but she immediately looks up at him and rolls over into his lap

·         He gladly scoops her up in his arms, holding her close

·         It’s Wholesome™

·         She looks up at him, biting her bottom lip nervously

·         “Mark, we need to talk”

·         Before she can even say it, Mark asks her if she’s pregnant again

·         She holds his gaze for a minute before nodding and resting her head against his shoulder

·         Mark partly wants to go off a little for her having gone on the mission, but he knows that she’s fully capable of kicking ass while pregnant

·         Like, she’s done it twice before, she knows her body

·         But he still is like oh shit, what if…

·         But he stops himself from thinking anything bad

·         Anyway, that night they’re all extra cuddly, Mark holds Cristina close to him, one hand wrapped around her resting on her belly

·         The next morning, they’re setting off to head back to NY

·         The courts have been killer, Kieran hasn’t had a break

·         It’s tragic, even though they all desperately want to see each other, they cannot

·         Mark and Tina think about baby names just a little, wondering when to tell the girls about it

·         She says it’s still really early, about 7 weeks in, and she doesn’t want to risk telling them should something to wrong

·         Mark asks Cristina about when she’s going to tell Kieran about it

·         She awkwardly explains that he already knew

·         The last time they had seen Kieran was nearly two weeks ago, and she felt bad that she hadn’t told Mark about it until now

·         He’s quick to mention how they had only been home from Faerie for 2 days before they were pulled into an emergency mission

·         Guilt still exists, Tina wishes she told Mark sooner

·         The only reason Kieran figured it out was that he had pointed out that something was different about her, he could sense something

·         Dammit, stupid faerie instincts, she had thought to herself

·         She wound up telling him, but he was excited about it

·         Ever since they’d had Lia, he had been a little happier

·         Really, ever since the three of them had come together, he’d been happier, but seeing their family grow just was the cherry on top

·         His hair was rarely pitch dark when they were all together, reflecting his ease and peace of mind

·         This family is so Wholesome™ and I would die for them

·         Okay, back on track

·         Time jump to about a week later

·         Everyone’s missing Kieran

·         They always get the Daddy-less Depression™ when they’re away from him for too long

·         Mark and Cristina start wondering if they should just,,, possibly move in to the cottage

·         They’ve been going back and forth for nearly six years, they’ve made it work, but with their girls growing up—and another baby on the way—it’s hard to rationalise letting them grow-up without their other dad

·         Yeah, sometimes Mark or Cristina alone will take the girls to visit Kieran while the other stays back to handle Alliance business, but it’s not the same

·         Living in two separate houses makes it hard to have a home

·         So, with that in mind, they start considering that their next trip to Faerie being one of their last trips, and plan out how they would manage to live there as their home, occasionally pop back and forth to the mortal world for Alliance things, rather than pop back and forth to Faerie for Kieran

·         It just makes more sense that way for them

·         We gonna yeet ahead another two days, a trip to Faerie has been organised, but Kieran is unaware of it

·         They know that when he’s not in the cottage, he’s often staying in the towers, but they hope that he will be able to come to the cottage within a few days of them getting there

·         So, in the morning, Mark, Tina, Lia, and Kalli have packed up some stuff for their planned stay

·         Slowly, they’ve subconsciously been bringing more and more of their things there, they’ve already been making the cottage their home without realising it

·         Anyway, once they’re there, they are quick to settle in and unpack what things they brought

·         The girls were very adamant on bringing some more toys with them, and some of their books

·         They highkey love the Faerie book that they got, it’s their fave and, even though Lia’s only met her uncle Adaon once, she loves him as much as she does her other ones

·         They also brought along some Spanish books that their Grandma Carmen got them

·         She’s always pushing them a bit to speak Spanish with her and learn about all sides of their family

·         It’s wonderful, Lia loves her grandma and the books she gets her

·         Even though Lia’s reading is pretty limited, her spoken Spanish is nearly as good as her English, so it’s going well

·         Back on topic

·         The girls are both fussy when they get there, Tina’s tired but Mark is pretty content

·         He always feels a bit more comfort when he’s in Faerie, though he’d never openly admit it

·         He asks the girls if they want to go on a little walk while Tina gets some rest

·         Lia, surprisingly, objects to it

·         Kalli is nodding, reaching up at Mark’s hand

·         She’s getting better at walking, but she’s just over a year old and is very wobbly

·         It’s the cutest thing, she’s lowkey really clumsy

·         With Lia objecting, Tina being tired, they decide against the walk

·         Kalli frowns at the cancelled plan, but is happy to pull Mark along with her to her and Lia’s room

·         Lia wanders in to grab a blanket before climbing into her bed and wrapping herself up

·         Kalli goes over to one of the bags they brought and pulls out the big Faerie book

·         She asks Mark to read to her, pulling him over to an area with a few cushions strewn about

·         He sits on one and Kalli crawls into his lap, looking at the book in his hands

·         She helps him pick a story, settling on one about a Hobgoblin who lived in a brambleberry bush and could play the most beautiful music

·         Halfway through, she’s rocking back and forth, humming a tune to a song as they read

·         Life’s so nice sometimes

·         Lia shuffles out of her bed, dragging herself cloaked in a blanket over to Mark’s side, leaning against him as he continues to read the story

·         He’s so emo for his babies, he feels so Warm™ and Soft™, it’s wonderful

·         When that story is finished, he scans through the book and sees the one about The Wild Hunt

·         The girls sort of know that he and Kieran were part of the Hunt a few years before they were born, but they don’t really talk much about it

·         But upon seeing the story, blanket-engulfed Lia asks if he can read that one

·         So he does, occasionally correcting some slight inaccuracies, but not getting in too deep about it

·         When they’re about halfway through the story, Kalli’s fallen asleep, she’s leaning back into Mark’s shoulder snoring lightly

·         Lia’s hardly keeping her eyes open

·         Mark goes to shut the book, but Lia puts a lazy hand out, holding it open

·         “How does the story end, papa?” she asks, her voice hardly any louder than a whisper

·         “The stories of the Hunt don’t truly ever end, my dear Lia. Perhaps one day I can share with you some of the adventures your father and I have went on in our time in the Hunt,” he ponders, keeping his voice low as to not wake up Kalli

·         Lia nods, her eyes fluttering as she struggles to stay awake

·         Mark sets the book down on a cushion beside him, standing up gently with Kalli in his arms

·         He sets her down in her crib before walking back over to Lia—who has now sprawled out on the cushions with her blanket covering her

·         He gently picks her up, bringing her to her bed

·         He tucks her in, kissing her forehead as he bids her sweet dreams

·         When the girls are in bed, he puts the book up on a dresser on the side of the room

·         He looks back at the scene before him—his two girls fast asleep, their faces calm and happy

·         It’s moments like these where Mark feels a tug in his heart

·         Having left his young siblings, missing many of them growing up, it brings him joy to see his own children growing up, knowing that they will have him there, knowing that he won’t ever have to leave his family ever again