#if i missed any pls plspls let me know

[wtfcami-blog1]

𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 -- ft. lido

waking up to her back feeling as if it had been cut from the inside out while in a pool of her own blood on one of the few nights she had actually agreed to a sleepover would prove to only be the first in a series of terrifying events that would unfold throughout the night. she had immediately shaken lido awake in a panic, and within minutes they were on their way to the emergency room.

cami a few hours and several tests later, the ultrasound technician had excused himself without giving them any word about what was going on. next thing they knew, there was doctor with a chart. she tried to pick up where the technician had left off in finding the baby's heartbeat, but the familiar sound never filled the room, and his words left cami speechless. this couldn't be happening. she opened her mouth to speak, but only a gasped breath came out. "i'll give you two a moment," the doctor told them as she scribbled something down on cami's chart. "but we're going to have to move quickly. with the abruption, the longer she stays inside of you, the more risk she's putting you in," she told them in a steady, but understanding tone before she did as promised and left them alone. she felt like she couldn't breathe. there was something blocking her airway, she was sure of it. "l-lido?" was all she could get out as her eyes stayed glued to the ultrasound machine that had already been shut off as if it would come back on, find the heartbeat and reveal the night to have been a horrible prank.

lido: terrifying was an understatement. it didn't even begin to cover what lido was feeling when cami shook him from his slumber. it was terror and disbelief and the utter lack of knowledge plaguing both of them that led the couple into a panic. the adrenaline was the only thing that got lido moving. otherwise, he would've been paralyzed with fear. even as they arrived at the hospital, lido's stomach turned and his mind ran wild with all the worst case scenarios. if the doctors said anything, he'd missed it, focusing all his attention on the what ifs he was facing as they waited for answers. all he could do was replay the vivid memories now burned into his brain of the hours before. it was so unlike him to take this news without firing back, but as much as lido wanted to tell them that they were going to check for a heartbeat until they found one. he wanted to yell at them for being incompetent, but he couldn't find the words. in a moment, he'd lost his daughter and now it seemed like cami's well-being was up in the air as well. his legs felt weak and his hands shook as they grabbed onto cami's, holding tight as if she'd slip away without his grasp. this wasn't about him, though, so he turned his attention to cami as she spoke. "it's gonna be okay, cami. we're gonna be okay," he nodded, trying to convince himself of the sentiment as he managed the words through a wavering voice. the knot in his throat grew and his chest began to tighten as the moments passed. "it's gonna be okay," he repeated a few more times. "we just.. have to deal with this and then we can freak out and scream and cry but.. i really can't lose you too, cami. i'm not leaving your side, babe," he shook his head, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he pushed the loose strands of hair behind her ear. "we'll be okay," he promised once more, stealing her sight from the blank display she'd trained her eyes on.

cami just a few hours before, everything had been fine. great, actually. she had noticed that nayvie had been moving more frequently, which was what all of the websites had told her to expect, and she had told lido that he'd probably be able to feel her kick within the next couple of weeks as her legs got stronger. but now none of that would ever happen. she had done something wrong, and she didn't even know what. but she was responsible for the life, and now she no longer had it. she didn't know what to say or do. part of her wanted to start screaming and pitching a fit until someone gave in and fixed everything, another part of her wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, and the last part of her didn't know what to go with, and it proved to be the strongest side as she sat there, still staring at the screen as lido grabbed her hands. nothing felt real. she didn't even feel real. and maybe that was a good thing, especially if her life really was at risk as long as the baby was still inside of her. "i messed up," she said simply, using whatever strength she still had to keep her tone even. "i shouldn't have gone to that party," she added, the guilt already eating her alive. "what else could it have been?" she asked, anticipating that he would insist that it had nothing to do with her poor decision making skills, even though they had no way to prove that it wasn't connected, either.

lido: the room they were in felt more like a movie set than anything else. it was like he was expecting somebody to come in and yell cut. either that, or lido was just waiting to be able to pull himself from this nightmare. it'd never happen, though. this was their reality. he couldn't figure out how to handle what they were immediately faced with and he didn't know how they'd ever move past this. in his jumbled up thoughts, lido couldn't find a solution. he couldn't find hope. all he could find was fears and reasons to blow up, taking his anger out on whatever nurse was walking down the hallway. all his life, he'd never found a problem money couldn't fix. it only took him twenty-three years to stumble upon this one and he wanted nothing more than to go back just a day, just so they wouldn't have to go through this. if that was how lido felt, he couldn't bring himself to imagine cami's feelings for even the briefest of moments. it was her body, her baby that she'd grown so close with over the last few months. it was a bond not to be broken and because of some cruel twist of fate, the unthinkable had occurred. "cami, baby, don't. don't think like that. this isn't your fault, y'know? it can't be. it's just some.. freak accident," he reasoned with himself, knowing that babies had been born with full blown drug addictions. a little weed didn't do this, but he didn't know what did. "can't fucking believe this is happening," he sighed, voice filled to the brim with anger and resentment. neither of them deserved this. nayvie, especially, didn't deserve this. "it's not your fault," he shook his head, biting down on his lip to keep from tearing up. he could feel the waterworks in motion, but cami was most important to him now, not his own emotions. "it's gonna be okay, cami," he said again, still unable to believe the words he spoke.

cami: the air was thick and filled with words and thoughts that neither of them could bear to voice. somehow, all of that would make this even more real, as if the doctor's words hadn't done that already. none of this made sense. this wasn't supposed to happen. she was supposed to continue growing until the beginning of october, and then they would have their own little family. but it was only june, and everything was shattered. she wanted to take everything back, make it all go away. rewind back to the beginning of their whirlwind relationship and make him wear condoms every single time. people say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but nayvie was the only person cami had truly loved and she could officially say that that sentiment was bullshit. nothing was worth just how broken she felt as the impact of everything settled in. "i don't believe in coincidences, lido," which she wasn't entirely sure was true beings the opposite meant that she believed in things like fate and destiny, but she didn't believe in any of that, either. maybe she didn't believe in anything. "i want to go home," she said indignantly. she knew that she couldn't go home, that there was no way someone would bring her release papers as long as there was still bleeding from the abruption leaking inside of her. but she didn't care. turning to look at lido for the first time since the news had been dropped, she swallowed, "i-i can't do this, lido."

lido: there was a certain amount of selfish anguish lido had to suppress in order to focus his efforts on making sure cami didn't completely lose it. as hard as he tried to not think about himself and how hurt he was, he always wound up being back at that familiar point. they were willing to give up everything they'd come to know for her. since he was a teenager, lido couldn't remember the last time he'd gone so long without tasting a sip of alcohol.

lido: he'd passed up so many nights out to spend them at home with cami and thank god he did. the governors ball was his favorite time of year, but if he'd been there rather than with cami, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself. all of these sacrifices had been made by both parties. they'd done everything right and they still didn't get to reap the rewards. they didn't get to meet their baby girl and that infuriated lido. for the universe to pick them after they so obviously tried their best to keep nayvie safe was sick and it was unfair. he had every right to be mad, he just had to wait. "babe," he sighed, knowing that cami would forever and always blame herself regardless of what he told her. he felt so helpless, like anything he did wouldn't matter. he couldn't help nayvie and he couldn't help cami, either. "you can't go home, babe. it's not.. safe," he stuttered, the implications of his words making his stomach turn. "i wish i could do it for you, babe, but i can't. you have to and i'm so fucking sorry. i'm so, so sorry," he repeated, shaking his head as if that'd will all the bad things away. "we just have to get this over with, babe. that's all we can do," he said, completely exasperated as he tried to emphasize 'we' rather than 'you'. cami had to know she wasn't alone in this, no matter how lonely she felt.

cami she should have known that something was wrong. where were her maternal instincts? why didn't she call the doctor when her back first started hurting her? why hadn't she been concerned that nayvie wasn't moving around as much as she normally did? even if their tragedy had nothing to do with the party, which she still wasn't completely unconvinced that the two weren't connected somehow, she knew that it was still her fault. she was the mother, she was supposed to notice when something was wrong. and she hadn't. she failed nayvie, she failed lido, and she failed herself. the thought made her feel sick inside. she couldn't imagine having to go through giving birth, but going home empty handed. it wasn't fair and it wasn't right. "lido," she said, ready to swallow her pride and beg for him to take her home, but the doctor reentered before she had a chance. "because of the nature of the stillbirth," she doctor began, cami's eyes shifting from lido to the doctor, "we are going to have to perform a c-section rather than a vaginal birth. it will help prevent excess bleeding caused by the abruption, and prevent further complications that arise when delivering a baby who is breech," cami tried to follow along with what the doctor was telling her, but it all sounded like buzzing in her ears. "this is considered to be a major surgery, so the recovery time will take a bit longer than with the traditional method. we need to go ahead and begin prepping you for the surgery, then the anesthesiologist will come in to give the epidural, and then you'll be taken to the operating room," she informed them, checking things off on the file as she did so. "do you have any questions before i send the prep team in?" a million questions flooded cami's mind, but there was only one that really stuck out, "do i have to be awake?" she asked meekly. the doctor let out a puff of air, "the complications with general anesthesia are too high for me to recommend something like that. there's always a chance of not waking up and the conditions are far more dangerous, therefore nobody else would be allowed in the room with you," she told them, looking between her and lido with a somber look on her face. "any other questions?" she asked, and cami just shook her head, unable to find the strength to string any other ideas together.

lido: lido was torn between two evils as the minutes ticked by. on one hand, he wanted those few more minutes with just cami. as long as there were no doctors or terms being thrown around that he didn't understand, maybe they could pretend nothing had gone wrong. it'd just be him, cami, and nayvie. that was how things were supposed to be. but more logically, lido knew that living ignorantly in that moment wasn't just foolish, but it was dangerous too. he couldn't deal with anything bad happening to cami at this point. not mentally, not emotionally, and not physically. she needed to be okay. without that much, lido wasn't sure how okay he could be. and again, it was selfish for him to rest his well-being on cami's, but he couldn't help it. his mind always wandered back to the same self-centered way of thinking he'd carried with him throughout the entirety of his life. if that was the case, maybe he just wasn't ready to be a dad. maybe he hadn't given enough up just yet. but now, lido felt like he'd given up everything. a little bit of selfishness had been earned, he thought. despite that, he knew that the sooner something was done, the better. moving on seemed like an abstraction, but at least they could try once all was said and done. the doctor immediately demanded his attention as he hoped for an explanation or an apology. her words practically fall on deaf ears, lido's focus only on the trauma that's only just begun. "i can't not be with her," he said, speaking like the fact wasn't up for debate. from his perspective, it wasn't. he needed to be by cami's side like he said he would. "i'll just stand out of everyone's way and i won't say a word, but i need to be with her," he promised, hoping that a bit of bargaining would get him his way. he'd do just about anything to keep cami safe, no matter the personal cost. "i can't leave her," he shook his head, holding her hand tighter as if that'd stop the doctors from following protocol.

cami everything hurt, from her body to her mind and heart. this couldn't be happening. it was a nightmare. she was back in her apartment, curled up beside lido, and nayvie was safe and sound without a bit of harm to her. that was the only reality that she could possibly accept. the one raging on around her wasn't real. or maybe nothing at all was real and she was just a spec that somehow had a wild imagination that ran on its own accord. even that possible reality was preferred to the one she was actually in. it was better than the one where she has ended one life and ruined two others in just a moment's time. lido's insistence of being with her broke her reverie in time for her to hear the doctor say, "as long as she just goes with an epidural, then you can be in there," she assured him before looking back to cami. "fine," she said, her mouth feeling dry knowing that she'd have to be awake for the procedure. "good, that really is the safest choice at this point. i will make sure that the anesthesiologist knows to just bring that. so, as long as there are no more questions, i'll send the prep team in," she told them before giving them a final look before exiting the room. cami took a deep breath and squeezed lido's hand for comfort, "i'm sorry," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. she had a feeling that he'd insist once more that it wasn't her fault, but she knew otherwise. no matter what anyone said, it was her fault. it was her body that didn't do its job. soon the prep team was in, going over the full procedure with cami and lido before getting her to sign consent forms, checking certain parts of her body, pressing on her stomach to confirm the baby's exact location, and asking a string of health related questions that made her head hurt. and then the anesthesiologist came in with even more questions and forms before he took out a giant needle and stuck it in her lower back after telling her "big pinch," though it was more like being severed. then a catheter was inserted so that he could add more medicine as needed, and then he gave her a chalky drink. "now we just give it a minute to kick in and then we'll wheel you down to the operating room," he promised and cami just nodded, still in a state of disbelief that all of this was happening. it was going by so quickly, but she figured that was because of the risk the bleeding was causing her. still, she felt like she could hardly breathe. then the doctor returned with a pair of scrubs in her hands, holding them out for lido, "if you're going to be in there, you have to go ahead and put these on. there's a bathroom down the hall and to the right," she told him, "and don't worry, we won't move ahead with ms. asher until you're back."

lido: all he did was blink and everything had changed. the life that he knew wasn't the life he was living anymore. in an instant, he was thrust into something new and something he didn't want to be a part of. it felt like whiplash. one moment, he was a completely free spirit, spending every night out and indulging in all his guilty pleasures. then, he was settling down, spending more nights in with cami as opposed to with every other girl in the city. as soon as that became the norm, their nights became much more sober to make room for nayvie. as quickly as she came, she was gone. it was heartbreaking. he could quite literally feel his heart breaking and nothing would stop that. cami's touch should've helped, but he still felt as though he was drowning with no hope of staying afloat. even if the circumstances weren't ideal, lido was still thankful he'd be able to stay by cami's side throughout the whole thing. he knew that it'd be hard to experience that when he could've easily stepped outside would be difficult, but cami didn't deserve to go through this alone. she didn't deserve to go through it at all, so whatever tiny contributions he could make to take some of the burden off cami's shoulders, he'd make that sacrifice. "thank you," he mumbled as the doctor agreed to allow him in the room alongside cami, willing to comply with any stipulations as long as he could be by her side. as soon as cami spoke, he felt the tear in his heart grow further. she didn't need to be sorry. this wasn't anyone's fault. she was already going through so much, the last thing she needed was to feel guilt. "don't be sorry, baby. for me, yeah? don't be sorry," he said, wanting to tell cami that it was nayvie who wouldn't want her to be sorry, but not yet able to speak her name. following her misplaced apology, everything seemed like a blur. none of the questions made sense and their answers seemed foreign. he was speaking, but he couldn't hear himself, ears ringing with the devastating news and the echo of his rapid heartbeat. as he watched everything unfold, lido felt like the audience of a dramatized television show. it still didn't feel real, even with several confirmations. he focused his eyes on nothing in particular as doctors came in and out, the room blurring before he's handed a pair of scrubs. when he fell asleep that night, he had no idea this was how he'd be awoken. "yeah," he nodded, indicating that he'd somehow managed to understand the doctor in spite of his inability to focus on her words. "yeah, i'll be right back, babe," he promised her, not leaving before he could press a kiss to her forehead. never before had lido changed clothes with such haste, absolutely terrified that in his absence, things would go from bad to worse. in no time, he was rushing back to cami's side as his heart continued to race. every second that passed was one hesitant step towards the inevitable. "i look pretty stupid, huh?" he teased, trying his hardest to lighten the mood. "you're gonna be fine, babe. everything's gonna be fine," he promised.

cami the world around her seemed like it was moving far too quickly. in the blink of an eye, everything around her had completely changed and she wasn't sure where one moment ended and the next one began. yet, despite the hustle and bustle of the various hospital workers around her, everything in mind was going far too slowly. she was ready for everything to be over with, and she still likely had hours to go before they could even talk about releasing her. but she wanted to be gone. the pain was too much, and not just the physical aspects of it. she felt drained and overwhelmed and claustrophobic. everything was out of her control and there wasn't a single thing that she could so to fix it. she didn't want to feel anything. and while the epidural had helped with that to some extent, it didn't stop the bad feelings, the toxic mindset that she had adopted over the years. she had always believed that it wasn't worth it to get close to and love someone, and this was just proof that she should have never let that wall drop, not even for a second. it was like the second she had fallen in love with nayvie, she was suddenly gone. everything she touched just turned to dust. she watched as lido ran out, and part of her was convinced that he wouldn't return. why would he? she figured that if the positions were reversed, she wouldn't want to be there, either. but then he returned, but her face remained stoic. too much was going on in her mind, and it felt like all of it was shutting down. "yeah," she said in response to lido's question, but she honestly wasn't sure what he had asked. and the next thing she knew, she was being wheeled down the hall and into what she assumed was the operating room. she felt far too grey's anatomy for her liking. but her eyes just glazed over as they set up a drape so that she nor lido could see the actual process that was being done to her body. but she didn't care. she wasn't sure that she knew how to care anymore. everything was just gone, and that was too much for her to really comprehend, and she didn't have the energy to try.

lido: as brave as he wanted to pretend he was, lido knew that as soon as he was out of everyone's sight, he'd be as good as broken. all those hospital cliches would come to life as he sought out an empty room just to drown out his cries, screaming at the top of his lungs with no real belief in a higher power and asking why. maybe he'd even make his way to the hospital's chapel and pretend for a little while, as if some omnipotent and fictional being could comfort him as the rug was pulled out from under him. very little, if anything, would fix this. it was wrong, but all lido wanted was to do a quick shot or two. he wanted to numb the few things he was still able to feel. as real as things were, they'd only get realer as the doctors set the scene. it was crazy. lido spent so many nights watching these weird shows about doctors and operations, but he never thought he'd play a supporting role in one. he never thought that his girlfriend, someone who he had most definitely fallen in love with, would be at the merciless hands of fate. "yeah," he repeated, sensing that cami was doing the very best she could under the circumstances. neither of them wanted to laugh or even crack a smile. he had a feeling that they'd both just be content if the ground opened up and swallowed them whole. he felt his legs grow weak as he followed cami and her entourage of doctors to the operating room. it was as if he'd collapse as soon as this was over, but he hoped he'd still have a it of adrenaline going through him to keep him from succumbing to his body's weakness. "everything's gonna be fine, babe," he said for what felt like the hundredth time that night, leaning down beside her so their eyes could meet. "just pay attention to me and my ugly gowanus canal eyes, babe," he said, hoping that once again, he'd be able to lighten the mood, though it seemed like an attempt made in vain. nothing would fix this for him and nothing would fix this for cami.

cami she wished that she could pinpoint the exact moment where everything went wrong, and that she could somehow go back in time and fix it. nayvie didn't deserve this. lido didn't deserve this. and even though cami knew she had made some mistakes in the past, she really didn't think that she deserved this, either. she didn't know how people were able to deal with the pain that she was currently experiencing, because she honestly wanted to just shut down and refuse to feel any of it. she knew that drugs and alcohol would help with that, but she had no way to access them, not really. and though the epidural was supposed to be a medical grade drug, it didn't do anything to numb the rest of her. it wasn't morphine or vicodin which would have made her much less aware and less caring of everything, and it was she would have preferred if given a choice. she didn't want to feel real. she didn't want to feel anything at all. at his comment, cami wanted to laugh, but she couldn't. her throat felt dry and she couldn't make any sound come from her lips. but she did as he'd instructed. she looked at the blue of his eyes rather than the blue of the drape that was blocking the procedure. it was a strange sensation. there was no pain, but she still feel. she knew that they were cutting into her, she could feel her skin moving and pulling away from each other, and she could hear the doctors and nurses conversing with each other. but the pain was nonexistent. if she tried hard enough, she was sure that she really could just be in a dream. "okay, ms. asher, mr. bacardi," the doctor whose voice was muffled by a mask, "we are nearly finished," she told them, shocking cami out of her daze. "w-what?" she asked, expecting the procedure to have gone on longer when it couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. "yep, these things go by quickly, especially in an emergency, which in your case, with the bleeding, it was," she explained and cami didn't know what to feel. "we just have to do a final check and the suture you up," she told her. that meant that nayvie was gone. she was out of her. the thought made cami want to throw up, but the chalky drink from before had made that impossible by neutralizing the acids in her stomach.

lido: if he said i love you then, despite how true it may have been, it would've appeared as though he was saying the words to make her feel better and not because he meant them. love was a big thing for somebody like him and somebody like cami. it just didn't seem like the time to drop the l bomb and terrify her even more. she'd shut down completely and lido was sure of that much. if he couldn't wrap his head around anything else, he was able to rationalize what he should and shouldn't do. maybe that was all they needed. hopefully, his head being as clear as it was would keep them from any additional crises. bringing love into it would've most definitely attributed to another disaster that they'd have to work through. her looking into his eyes was supposed to help cami, but lido felt as though he benefited from it as well. with her gaze, he found it more difficult to focus on the words of the doctors and every unpleasant sound beyond the curtain. it was good for him to have to keep her attention for the entirety of the procedure. seconds flew by but they lingered on as well. the whole night had felt like the quickest flash and simultaneously, the most painful eternity. some sort of relief washed over him as the procedure came to an end, knowing that soon enough, he'd be able to step away and let it all out. "but she's fine? cami will be fine?" he asked, trying to focus on what little good came of this. he still had cami and it was better than nothing. "you did it, babe," he told her, speaking with a lot less enthusiasm than he figured he would be when the moment of nayvie's birth came around. it wasn't a question he wanted to ask and he'd debated it the whole night, but he couldn't stop his lips from moving as he spoke, "do we get to see her?" he wasn't sure how he'd react, but maybe it'd be closure. maybe it'd make him feel worse. regardless, he didn't act quickly enough to keep the question unspoken.

cami: she wasn't sure if the quickness of the procedure was a good thing or bad. from a medical standpoint she was sure that it was good being it meant there were likely no complications and everything went the way that it should have gone. but mentally? she wasn't prepared for the curtain to come down and for her bump to be gone. other than the scar that she was sure to leave behind, it would be like she never even existed. and cami wasn't sure that she was ready for that. which was ironic given that not long ago she had complained about wanting her old body back. little did she know that she was cursing herself. careful what you wish for and all of that. maybe it would be easier had nayvie never existed. she'd be able to move on with her life and do all of the things that she had missed doing before. and then she hated herself for the selfish thoughts. "she is fine. she's strong," the doctor told him as if cami weren't right there while they were talking about her. "we will have to keep her in here for about three days as the incision heals and to make sure that an infection doesn't set in, but she should be perfectly fine... physically," but cami's heart sank when they said three days. she didn't even want to be there for three more minutes. everything was going wrong. she shouldn't have even had to be there in the first place. "yes, of course. if you would like to see her, i'll have the nurses clean her up and bring her to ms. asher's room. from there, you hold her, take pictures, anything of that sort," she informed them, but cami wasn't sure that she could. to lose her daughter was hard enough, but to have to see her and not be able to take her home? that seemed like torture. "do what you want, but i can't," she insisted as the curtain was removed and they began wheeling her down the hallway to her room. "maybe you should rest on it. we'll give you something to help you sleep," the doctor told her as she was transitioning cami into her hospital bed and replacing her iv, "then we can go ahead and bring her in for mr. bacardi, and you can tell us what you'd like to do once you wake up?" cami just nodded before the drugs took their course and she drifted off to sleep.

[blackacre13]

PLEASE UPDATE THE AMNESIA AU PLS PLSPLS

Part 6 is here; Here's part 7:

She wanted to sit Debbie down in here. Show her the blazer she wore when they got engaged. Show Debbie her wedding dress. Show Debbie pictures. Listen to vinyls. Go through old notebooks and diaries and maps and jobs. But that was exactly what she wasn’t supposed to do.

“It’s not for forever,” Tammy had whispered, holding her shoulder in the hospital as Lou looked through the window at a blissful, sleeping Debbie.

“I just want her back,” Lou sobbed, repeating the words again now as she sank to the bed, looking around the empty room. No signs of Lou. No signs of them. No Lou and Debbie. Just toiletries and a sampling of Debbie’s wardrobe. It looked like a hotel. “I just want her back.”

“I need you, Debs. Please. Please come back to me.”

“Is your hair…in a ponytail?” Tammy asked, her eyes practically bugging out of her head.

“Am I not allowed to have my hair up?” Lou asked, quirking an eyebrow as Tammy tried to close her gaping mouth.

“In the years I’ve known you, I didn’t think so,” Tammy admitted with a sheepish grin, closing the door behind her as she looked around the loft.

The blonde was leaning over the poker table, letting spare chips fall to the ground as she folded the table in half with a grunt, sliding it across the wood with a groan before letting it settle against the wall, Tammy still trying to take in the small blonde ponytail that was only alarming second to the bangs that had been bobby pinned back against her scalp. Tammy didn’t even know if she’d ever seen Lou’s forehead before.

“No worries, I’ve got it under control,” Lou huffed, giving the now folded poker table a kick with her heel as Tammy frowned at the running sneakers she was wearing.

“Were you working out?” Tammy asked, ignoring the jab as she tried to investigate her friend, her concern only growing.

“Seeing as I can’t drink liquor or smoke cigarettes and my wife has no idea who I am and I haven’t been cleared to ride my bike slash will probably feel too guilty to ever own a motorcycle again, yes, I’ve been working out, Tammy.”

“You know the doctor said you shouldn’t be—“

“Just jogging,” Lou sighed, sitting down on the coffee table, looking exhausted. “I know, Tam. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Tammy smiled, holding up the tote bag she was dangling. “Brought you some pre-made dinners, since…”

“Sorry, did you think Deb was the one who kept the kitchen running around here?” Lou grinned, relief flooding through Tammy’s body, seeing the blonde smile for a moment as she joked. She cleared her throat, guilt floating across her face before her smile disappeared again, the stress returning to her eyes and lips as if she felt guilty for cracking a joke. “Thanks, Tam,” she nodded, grabbing the bag as she wandered towards the kitchen.

Tammy paced around the living room slowly, swallowing thickly at the absence of everything…Debbie. She was coming home in a week. As if Lou preparing a separate room hadn’t been bad enough, the doctors had recommended that the home be free of any possible triggers for Debbie that might bring memories back without warning. The last thing they wanted her to do was spiral.

Wedding pictures, gone. Polaroids, gone. Subway maps and calendars and photographs of old jobs, gone. Any hint of motorcycle gear, magazines, even leather jackets were nowhere to be seen and Tammy would bet a lot of her illegal earnings that this had been a Lou Miller decision riddled with guilt rather than a doctor recommended one.

A lot of the books on the shelves were missing and certain slots were empty in Lou’s vinyl storage that made Tammy both curious and sad. Her heart was breaking for both her friends. And this wasn’t the first time Lou had needed to pack up Debbie’s life in some semblance. She couldn’t imagine how she was getting through this.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Tammy asked softly as Lou came back into the room, handing her a bottle of water. “Anything you need stored at my house or something so you don’t have to worry about where to put it?”

“I think it’s covered,” Lou shrugged, rubbing at her shoulders. Tammy noticed how thin her arms seemed.

“And you…you’re holding up okay? You’re still taking care of yourself and eating and…”

“It’s not the same as before,” the blonde whispered, her eyes hurt. “I”m not losing her. She’s coming back to me.”

“Lou—“

“I—I—“ Lou sighed, before rubbing at her temples as she closed her eyes tight. “I know she’s not coming back to me. And I know it’s different. I do. I just—“

“I get it,” Tammy smiled, reaching out for her shoulder. “It’s okay to have hope.”

“Is it?” Lou laughed, wiping at a tear that was threatening to roll its way down her cheek. Tammy couldn’t help the way her eyes traveled down Lou’s fingers, noting the absence of her wedding set. “The doctor didn’t think it was a good idea yet. You know if she saw them and asked about my partner or whatever.”

Tammy faintly recalled Debbie mumbling something about being confused and asking a nurse to take her jewelry off for her a few weeks back. She hadn’t even thought of Debbie looking down at her own engagement ring and not recognizing it. Or seeing Lou’s and thinking Lou was with someone else entirely.

“I’m just glad she’s comfortable staying in the loft,” Lou sighed. “Even if it only is because she thinks you and I are friends. Maybe it’ll help.”

“You’ve never been good at being just roommates before,” Tammy smiled. “You two have ruined business with pleasure plenty of times.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple anymore.”

[yoichichi]

Modern!au Hange Zoë Relationship Headcannons

Hange Zoë x reader

a/n: hi!!! This is my first post for aot on this blog! Plspls tell me your thoughts and if you guys like this :) requests aren’t open quite yet but will he soon, I just need to finish some things up in my drafts first :) you can look at WIP page on my pinned post on my blog to see some other aot works I’m working on atm before I open requests :) pls enjoy !!! I luv them on god

gif not mine, credit to owner

Please tell them to go to bed, they have no self regard for their sleeping habits and WILL stay up for 2 days straight

It does not matter if they’re in bed with you either, they will lay with their back against the headboard and you cuddling into their side while they stroke your face until you fall asleep and then IMMEDIATELY start reading

The amount of times you’ve woken up to them still awake in the middle of the night looking at you like 👁👄👁😃 good morning sunshine~~ just go back to bed ~~ maybe you’re dreaming ~~ , cause they KNOW you’ll scold them and they’d like to avoid that at all costs

PLS they definitely wear one of those stupid little head light things so they can read while you sleep

AND IT JUST ADDS TO THE DISORIENTATION YOU FEEL WHEN YOU WAKE UP ABAJSKWJWNA

* 💡

* 👁👄👁

“good morning sleepy head”

I truly feel like they’re a pro at getting you to fall asleep though, not even so they can stay up they just are so good at soothing you

That one spot in between your shoulders thats always sore? They’re hands find it without you even having to mention

The way you have to cuddle laying on your right side and your left? They’re already adjusting themselves on the couch so that can happen

The way you like kisses on the top of your head but not your temple? Check ✅ they’re fingers are resting at your temple to remind them it’s always the top of your head -as if they’d forget-

Expanding on this, they’re just so good at remembering details about you in general???

And of course some of it is the basics like your favorite snack, your favorite candle, the current show your binging, the laundry detergent you always buy, etc.

But some of it you wouldn’t have even asked them to remember?? Like it gets more and more obscure the longer you’re together

Like how you wouldn’t like the leather seats in their car, which you mention once cause the skin on your legs were sticking to them in the summer

And then they’re in the market looking for a new car and this one doesn’t have leather seats, which to yourself you’re like oh cool :)

But then they just bring it up while you’re driving with them one day like

“Isn’t it nice that now when you wear shorts your legs don’t stick? I tried keeping that in mind for you, babe.”

And it’s just??? You’re almost questioning how they even KNOW that until they tell you about the one ☝🏼 time you mentioned it and it was at least a couple years ago and it’s just??? Thank you?!?

But yes, anything you do Hange WILL remember it for better or for worse cause they just see it as a part of getting to know you and love the person you are!

Okok emperor fidgety over here ‼️

WILL talk with their hands so intensely that they’ve knocked over countless drinks, vases, has even flung their fork once

Queue wide eyes and awkward laughing while they blush a little before they rush for a towel to clean up their mess

But will still continue to ramble while they clean, nothing stops their talking

Carpet cleaner is your best friend

Let’s just say when the two of you decided to move into a new place together, hunting for hardwood floors was a must

But BECAUSE this fools always making a mess and needs to just ~lower the chaos a teensy bit ~ they WILL grab onto your hands while they talk

They’d be getting particularly animated and loud and you’d just let out a giggle and nod your head, letting them know you’re listening and they don’t have to be so loud

And they’d just giggle and shush themselves and be like sorry sorry I know with some big stupid smile on their face

They’d reach their hands out and grab yours and clear their throat and raise their eyebrows a little,

“Ok, so, here’s the best part though. Get. This.”

And they’d just go back to ranting but this time they have so much more energy being focused into you rather than combusting out of them

Their eyes are locked onto yours so hard, no longer darting all over the room while they speak

Their hands moving yours only a little, swinging them up and down, squeezing them when they get particularly excited

Their voice is more hushed and deep, their words shooting sharply at you with an intensity vibrating off them making your cheeks burn

Now, when something would normally result in a flying fork, instead it’s a tug on your hands to bring you closer while their voice gets heavier and quiet - almost a whisper - sharing this moment with you and ending it with raised eyebrows and a squeal - sometimes even shaking your arms about if it’s especially exciting news

Speaking of ranting, when you rant you better expect Hange to get JUST as involved as you

You’re frustrated? Yeah Hange is getting heated too, riling you up in the process, it’s their problem now too

You’re happy? Hange is squealing and jumping up and down with you as if they got the promotion ajakskajaja

I feel like the only exception to this would be if you were stressed, upset, or sad

They’re immediately quiet and looking all over your face for any sign of distress with the most sincere eyes

Nodding and responding with little hums of understanding, ready to scoop you into their arms the moment you need them too

The RULER of taking care of their s/o when they’re down or sick

Not only cause they know everything there is to know about your existence lmao

But cause I think they’re smart enough to be able to not be over bearing when they’re taking care of you

They’ll check in a lot for sure, but never smothering you more than you’d like lmao

Their love language is definitely quality time in my opinion

Do you remember how excited they were when Eren agreed to listen to them talk and they talked literally ALL night?? -I miss them like this pls-

Please just spend time with them while they’re doing research at home or reading, they’ll never feel more loved and appreciated

Ok but like :

It’s late, it’s been dark outside for hours now. Your eyes became heavy hours ago but, you don’t have work tomorrow, and you’d hate leaving Hange in here by themselves, so you decided on cuddling up in the living chair in their office - that they definitely put in there for you - on your phone. You were scrolling mindlessly through apps trying to keep your mind stimulated enough when you heard their chair move from the spot they were in for the first time since you’ve been in their. You looked up to see them crack their neck and stretch their arms above their head, they’re shirt riding up just above their belly button.

They sighed deeply and slowly walked over to you, running their hands down the side of your face and cupping your cheeks to turn your head up to face them.

They leaned down at an agonizingly slow pace and pressed a deep kiss on your lips

“Let’s go to bed now, yeah?”

And while you were laying together drifting off to sleep, they’d just kiss your head one more time and tell you how much they love you

Pls you’d mean the world to them

HANGE IS A SEXY DRIVER HANGE IS A SEXY DRIVER HANGE IS A SEXY DRIVER

Like,,, WHEWWW

This isn’t even a relationship HC LMAO

I mean a little -

They’d LOVE to go on roadtrips with you, you can’t tell me otherwise

A fun stupid adventure to buy shitty souvenirs along the way? Meeting strange people and getting all these new stories together? Hange is at peace like this lmao

But more on them driving 👁👅👁

Definitely drives stick, and they’re a FAST driver

Always a little above the speed limit

So good at changing lanes, especially on the freeway

The way they check over their shoulder?? Lawd almighty

Sometimes they’ll check over their shoulder that’s facing you and flick their eyes to your’s for a moment, cause they can feel you staring at them in that brief moment, and they’ll just raise their eyebrows and shoot you a cocky little side smile

And then after they change lanes they reach a hand over and squeeze your thigh before they keep driving

Ok does have bad road rage though LMAO

Not in a dangerous way they just,, swear very loudly in the car and then roll their eyes and apologize that there’s idiots on the road LMAO

Anyways

All in all, Hange is a very attentive and loud partner, so I hope you’re ok with chaos and intensity

———————

a/n: thanks for reading yall!!! Feel free to check out my blog, more aot content coming soon! And I always love to hear from you guys :)

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites

[gavetawrtes]

okay i am literally in the process of leaving my job rn, college only starts in February and i want some plots so pls check out the plots here under the read more and if anything sparks your interest pls like this so i can message you or just message me !

mumu

something based on friends ?? a tiny thing where we get 3 characters each and they can be heavily based on the friends character or just a little bit ? then we can have like relationships between them . friendships ? old flings ? siblings ? different dynamics for each of them and threads with more than one at the same time. they always go to the same coffee shop together or they are always in each others apartment. a has a thing for b but b is oblivious and b has always been bffs with c and so on. honestly it can be so much fun and so pure ? pls i deserve nice things

oKay but like wizards in a wizarding school ? ? i would say hogwarts but that world is a mess right now so we could make our own lil world? where like we decide the subjects and the kind of magic and all that. it could have aspects from any magical world we want like idk hogwarts house or like different types of magics ( physical, natural, Illusion, healing, psychic ) from the tv show the magicians. and honestly whatever else we want ? we can throw our lil characters into it and populate this little world with tiny plots like ‘our houses are eternal rivals and i intend to crush you at this quidditch game but also pls go to the winter formal with me bc you are the prettiest person in school ?’ & ‘my family has been historically amazing at physical magic but i’m really bad at this. you seem amazing pls teach me so people will stop making fun of me’ & ‘i didn’t know magic existed and now i do and this is all new to me how is the frog talking and why are you not scared at any of this ? ? ‘ && ‘whhy do you think it’s cute to be the skater punk version of magical world and fly standing up in your broom ? you could seriously get hurt ? and see there you got hurt. what do you mean ?  help you with healer magic ? no i don’t want you to get expelled but we should call a teacher !’ and honestly whatever else you can think of 

okay but like a group of high school friends and their older selves ?? ?  ?? ??  like we could set all the high school threads in the 80s ?? ? ? ?? ? and have different personalities ? and then we also have threads like in 2018 years later when they see each other again in the high school reunion ? just ? pls? the high school sweethearts who signed the divorce papers three years ago and we are doing both the thread in which they fell in love and the one where they see each other again for the first time after the divorce. the high school rebel who became the local sheriff and the girl he loved who used to be the biggest nerd who had a thing over their last summer. we are doing both their wild adventures and them seeing each other again for the first time bc she moved back with her parents. the two best friends who remained best friends for all those years and they are seeing all of those people again and it’s just like ‘oh man glad this didn’t Help to us’ and we can have them as teens bickering and making fun of their teacher and them years later at the bar like ‘i miss having adventures like we used to’ there are so many possibilities ? for like people who grew disillusioned with their lives ? or people who got really successful . ? people who stopped talking altogether ? people who remained friends forever ?? ? plspls it could be so nice

Okay but a group of old immortals/wizards/witches ? something a long the lines of the originals but they are not all siblings or the hogwarts funders but there is no school involved. like they have known each other for centuries and they have been friendly-ish. they probably got a hand in many important world changing events in history and like maybe they have to come together and stop the apocalypse every 500 years or one of them call them all up and it’s like ‘hey guys so skarsgård is going all ruler of the world again and i can’t stop him alone bc he is more powerful than me so could you pls? help me?‘ ? ? ? ? there are so many possibilities. we could play with different types of characters like ( one wizard who spent the last 100 years in a hole on the ground and he is just done with humanity while there is another one traveling around and trying to write a beautiful book about humans and life but it lowkey sounds like a fake deep tweet ) or like hundred years old relationships where they go ‘making me jealous in 1954 didn’t work why do you think it’s gonna work now?’ or smth like ‘baby we have been together for 3 centuries and you still make me blush’ OR OR  we could get more into plot like half of them go ‘i’m done with saving humans every hundred years. maybe skarsgård is right and we Should rule the world’ while the other half goes ‘what ? no humans are amazing? our job is to save them ’ and just those super mega powerful wizards fighting each other ? pls we could go in whatever direction you want just pls let me play incredibly powerful wizards

the PTA group ?? i love playing older characters but also like there are so many possibilities and it could be legit funny and full fluff and angst like ? we have those two married characters who are a perfect couple but maybe they are not that perfect ? the single parent who is just really Trying but is always late ? the divorced couple who is only participating bc the other is and they wanna show how much Better of a parent they are ? the teacher who loves to do all of this and is honestly worried about everyone drama ? the teacher who Had to sign up for this bc it was given to them as a punishment after they didn’t something and they are just standing there like ‘why are all of you so extra? just go home. you know this is optional now?’ everyone getting involved in each other’s business ?? ? everyone being lowkey friends ?? ? dR a Ma also all the supportive parents going to the kids games and the kids just being super happy

a greek god mumus ??  maybe we pick two ships and develop them like ( idk hera & zeus and hades & persophone ) or we just pick around the characters we wanna play. and we can have like all of them stuck in the real world, stuck in a human body. zeus wanting to fly to be an eagle to go somewhere but being stuck to earth. being the biggest asshole in the face of this earth but also not being able to let hera go? ? not knowing how to function properly when she is not around. and maybe idk maybe in this life hera doesn’t stick around. maybe in this life the only reason why they are still legally together is because he didn’t sign divorce papers, maybe she is done with him and done with trying when he clearly doesn’t give a fuck. maybe in this life she is a wedding planner and when people ask her to plan their marriages she gives them advice on knowing when to be forgiving and when to stick up for yourself. hades is the leader of a biker gang but he is mostly really quiet and chill and he has three pit bulls who just hang around him and do nothing of true harm ?? and the only person you can actually be terrified of is his wife ? ? bc even tho logic dictates otherwise it seems like she sets fire on the concrete she walks through and makes plants grow when she passes by and it baffles every existing human ?? and hades being ‘listen man i would forgive your betrayal but my wife i mean, she kinda asked me for your head and i can’t say no….’ chris evans a poseydon, poseydon as a surfer dude ??  as a guy who works/owns an aquarium and understands the animal there in a way that doesn’t make sense to anyone else ?? who has the biggest pools for the animals to swim around, even if it makes looking at them harder for whoever is vising, bc all those animals have been raised in captivate and they wouldn’t survive in the ocean but he doesn’t want them to feel stuck ? he wouldn’t know what he would if he couldn’t swim around  in the ocean and he just wants them to feel free even if he can’t free them. ?? there are so many ways in which things can go ? i mean honestly i’ll shower in headcanons pls gimme.

this is the last one i promise but a plot with a bunch of criminals maybe ex-navy/army who work together. maybe based on the losers ?? where you got like the leader of the group who makes dubious decisions when there are woman involved and the stoic explosions specialist who knows the leader so well that the moment the leader flinchs he goes like ‘imma take over now. okay? okay.’ maybe you got the gun slinging asshole who makes inappropriate jokes and the person who is just Too Qualified to be around this sea of idiots. maybe they were all framed for the same crime and they have to live in the shadows hiding in a city in the middle of nowhere pretending they are normal civilians. maybe they were all trying to save someone and it backfired and they wanna go back to their lives but how  ? ? idk there are so many possibilities just pls.

1x1

muse a is hopeless romantic that may or may not be more in love with the idea of love itself than he has ever be with anyone. he quits relationships as soon as they get a tiny bit complicated but he is always talking about ~~~~ soulmates ~~~~. muse b the girl who is way too generous and helps everyone out of the kindness of her heart but expects way too much from everyone. she is always falling in love with people and breaking her own heart by thinking they care more about her than they really do. — now close your eyes and imagine. .. . there is so much potential for angst and fluff ?? ? like he prepares overly dramatic moment in front of everyone and like serenades her ? paints her as his muse and puts it up in galareis ? but also one fight and he talks about breaking up bc that is not true love ? while she is there just interested in the tiny things ? in the days at home with him alone and the way they make each other laugh ? she is such a simple girl and they make each other so happy and he just Can’t see it ? ? ? pls 

muse a is the overly responsible single father/mother had to take care of themselves and his son/daughter ever since they can remember. they Cannot Relax because they must do 110% percent at all times for his kid. muse b is the mother/father of three who laughs way too easily and embarrasses his/her kids dancing in public and cracking bad jokes but they are so bad with time and like doing the Simplest things… — now just .. .. just picture. ..  the two of them meet at a school thing and become friends like maybe everyone talks about the two hottest dads in school getting together maybe they are talking shit about Sharon who doesn’t tell her son no and they bond bc ofc they do. .. and it’s totally like pfffftt pfffffffffff we are just friends .. . expect ‘i knew you would forget your kid’s lunch bc i know you so i packed one for your kid too’ and ‘yeah i know you have a kid but i have a babysitter and we are going out bc you are not Allowed to stay inside another Saturday’ and ‘ofc i’ll go with to the game’ and ‘yes we would love to spend the holidays with your family’ and ‘we are just two bros chilling on a hot tub 5 feet apart bc we are not together. the fact that i wanna kiss you doesn’t change anything.’

characters i would love to play in any plot

okay, so here is the thing, i have two characters. they are super wealthy brothers. one is your local asshole i’m too cool for feelings. he is in his 30s and he goes around partying and making bad decisions and he made himself a successful businessman on his own just to spite his family bc they said he couldn’t do it. 99,99% of his decisions are made either based on anger or just so to feel good. the other one is your local golden boy. he is everything his family ever wanted him to be, and he was a child prodigy type who graduated college super young and has never acted like a child. he is his early 20s. 99,99% of his decisions are made based on what he thinks people want him to do and he just wants to please everybody if you would let me play them in literally any plot  ( preferably like some tiny mumu, i have two characters, you have two characters type of thing ) i’ll literally give the sun !! or cookies !! or anything really omg !! they also have a younger sister so maybe you could play her? ? or you could play some character who is dating the younger brother is starts to fall in love with the older and drama~~ or it could be some two character that you would like to play? like any two characters you wanna develop and we figure out a plot? pls? thanks