#and with how lately i feel so fucking like. taken advantage of by everybody it feels like a kick when im down

[snakedogge]

why is it legal to get so outrageously depressed on holidays

[untitledmemes]

Hazbin Hotel Prompts

Part III An assortment of prompts taken from the series Hazbin Hotel on Amazon Prime. Adjust as necessary to fit pronoun and/or descriptor. In case of Multimuse, don't forget to specify which one/s. Reblog, please do not repost or add.

“ I know you don't want to, but we need every advantage we can get. ”

“ You got daddy issues? ”

“ I'd like to meet the big dick incharge. ”

“ Who am I kidding? This sucks! ”

“ Where are you these days? ”

“ You know I haven't been watching much TV lately. Scrambles the brain. ”

“ Anything in my power is yours for the asking. ”

“ Wait. You're inviting me over? ”

“ It's showtime! ”

“ Look how much you haven't grown! Still fun sized. ”

“ It's nice to finally put a face to the name. ”

“ You are much shorter in real life. ”

“ You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common! ”

“ Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? ”

“ I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref. ”

“ I'm truly honored that we built such a bond. ”

“ It's a little funny, you can almost call me dad. ”

“ They say when you're looking for assistance, it's smart to pick the path of least resistance. ”

“ Sadly there are times when a birth parent is a dud. ”

“ I know you were all waiting for me! ”

“ Why is everybody gawking? Is it cuz I'm adorable? ”

“ Hey, watch it, tall dark and creepy. ”

“ You gotta warn a girl when she's in mixed company. ”

“ Where can a girl get a drink around here? ”

“ Don't tell me you're not happy to see me. You might hurt my feelings. ”

“ All you could hear was screams. ”

“ Underneath it all, he's a total sweetie. ”

“ Who in their right mind would cross me? ”

“ Big talk for someone who's also on a leash. ”

“ These are our people. I have to try. ”

“ You build something nice, you invite people in and offer them everything, and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. ”

“ It doesn't matter how well intentioned you are, they're always going to disappoint you. ”

“ It's time I remind everyone why I am here. ”

“ You don't actually give a shit about this tacky place, do ya? ”

“ They didn't listen to me, they wouldn't listen to you. ”

“ I won't lose it all again. ”

“ I'll shelter and adore you more than anything. ”

“ It's the view I had of you that showed me dreams can be worth fighting for. ”

“ Looks like the apple doesn't fall far. ”

“ Whatever could be the problem, my dear? ”

“ I wish I could come, sweetie, but I have that thing... ”

“ You been texting me depressing shit all day, figured we could tear shit up like old times. ”

“ Well, if it isn't my arch-nemesis. Have you come to meet your fate in battle? ”

“ Are you sure you're in the right place? Because I think you might be a little lost. ”

“ I'm sorry you can't stay. ”

“ I'm handling this shit right now. ”

“ Don't fucking shush me, bitch. ”

“ I want you to do whatever you need to do to keep this problem from getting worse. ”

“ You sure fucked up, didn't you? ”

“ If you have actual evidence, then show it already. ”

“ Take one of these and you won't be worrying about nothing. ”

“ I just thought you were better than that. ”

“ I think you're done, tiny. ”

“ I was thinking maybe, um, you'd wanna do... a sex with me? ”

“ I just want a taste. ”

“ I may have to put up with your bullshit, but you ain't fucking with any of my friends. ”

“ It's not as simple as you think. Not everything is spelled in ink. ”

“ Guess the cat's out of the bag. ”

“ I wanted to save you the anguish it takes to do what was required. ”

“ If hell is forever, then heaven must be a lie. ”

“ Don't you act all high and mighty. ”

“ How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people? ”

“ I couldn't bear to see you suffer that fate. ”

[sincelastsession]

I cannot sleep and I'm having hot flashes yay.

I don't know what's causing then but I know when I do sleep and have them I wake up in a giant puddle and it's stupid and this has been on and off for years and we don't know what's causing it isn't that fun.

It's super fun to not be able to fucking sleep because your Neighbors are fucking with your shit making noises and giggling outside of your apartment and if you call the cops they won't arrive In Time to do anything so you just lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling and wait for them to go away and look at cameras on Amazon trying desperately to figure out how the fuck those work because you don't want to order one and get the specs wrong and not be able to catch these dumb motherfuckers bothering you and when you do have the damning evidence you'll be able to take it to the office and then they will be evicted and then I will have more time to pack in peace So I can move to a different place at least that's my plan so far

I'm really kind of pissed off.

I'm pissed off in a lot of people.

Like all these people that have taken advantage of me that I still fucking love dearly I really just kind of want to start being a fucking bitch to everybody and like I'm just tired of being abused every time I talk on the phone with my family as well that happened twice today and then when I called them later when they had calmed down from their crazy tantrums everything was fine.

And I just don't understand and today sucked I mean I got groceries but I didn't get everything I needed and I don't want to go back to the store or any store because it's really oversteulating at this point and I just don't feel safe.

But I went to Audi and I had a huge fucking panic attack and then she told me she would go up-and-down the aisles with me just to help me because I could not concentrate because I had to smoke before I left my apartment because I'm in a lot of pain a lot more than usual lately and I was really angry from earlier this morning where I had to talk to both my mother and my father about dumb shit and then like she wanted to get food and I wanted to get food and we ended app going to like an expensive place and I'm like we I wanted to delete argue with her about it but I also wanted to eat the food there so that was aggravating and then Of course I got like a fucking lecture about diets from my mother after like we ate horrible food and then I went grocery shopping

Like she didn't know what my eating disorder was even though I went to a place in Arizona for this that my parents were supposed to participate in that everybody else's family participated in and on Family Day my family didn't fucking show up when they knew about it for like months.

My mom is now taking on another dog because of Esteban. She should not have her dog at all. He stays in a kennel all day according to her and I actually went with her to adopt him from the same adoption house that I dropped my foster dog off at to GET adopted like every single day and to find out that he just when she's not home he's just in his kennel unless Esteban is also there to let him out and take him on a walk like he's just in the kennel all day listening to TV with very cold air conditioning but it's not okay for him to be in a kennel all day and then he sheds really bad because he's like half husky half doberman And then he's bitten several people and technically should have been put down for that because of the random aggressionBut my mom won't do anything about it and she won't let me work with him and train him and I won't go over to her house because of Esteban.

I'm really fucking tired of that dude I think she's an idiot for letting him sleep in her garage and he's spitting this lie to her about oh he got this dog and this lady that really cared about him and was close with him died and the dog walked up to him and The family that had this old lady's dog was like oh my God do you want to have the dog because the dog likes you and he took the dog home and then my mom calls me and offers me this dog and I'm like I would love to take the dog and see how it reacts with the cats and I could foster it and find it a good home and then she got all mad and refused to let me foster it or take it to the pound and then she was like well we're gonna keep it and I'm like who is we because you said that you guys aren't in a relationship or doing anything together and like why won't you go on a date with somebody And meet somebody nice and I know so many nice men at church groups and things like that and Let me introduce you to some people that you might like to hang out with and my mom just got very mad at me and told me she didn't want to hang out or make with anyone or make any new friends or be with another man and I'm just like then why do you keep one as a pet in your garage that just drinks all the time and comes into the house and wakes you up and harasses you and has beaten you and has put a cigarette out of my little sister and has tried to break my fucking artist like right dominant hand I mean I could paint with my left hand but my right hand is leg The most important part of my body when it comes to making money with my art.

Fuck that guy.

Fuck my dad and my sister for doing what they did to me and then everybody's talking to me like it never fucking happened and telling me to get over it.

I've tried to explain to everyone how complex PTSD and PTSD in general works like in the brain

But there are assholes and they won't listen they just sit there and pretend to listen and then start talking about whatever they wanted to tacome out and if they do listen they tell me that I'm wrong and where did I read that and I'm like you know what I use Google scholar and I read medical articles and new release information okay I'm not going to some fucking random website I go to the official ones I go to the ones that are accredited.

Also I mean it's 309 AM and my neighbors are outside on the fucking balcony And I'm trying so hard not to just throw on my robe and walk outside and scream at them to shut the fuck up and then go back inside my apartment and just lock the door and take a video of them screaming at me through my window because I'm just done.

But that's what they want so I'm not gonna give them what they want

I'm just gonna suffer in silence because that's what I've had to do my whole life because it really feels like no one gives a fuck and yeah I Feel completely beat down and completely hopeless and I'm having a fucking cardiac and I go see the Doctor tomorrow and I'm not excited for the talk about me having to change my diet when my diet is actually pretty fucking healthy

I don't eat more than anybody less because I don't remember to eat most of the time until late in the evening and I mean isn't that like fucking a type of fasting fat diet now well it doesn't work that's not how diet's fucking work

I know how diets work and I know how to lose weight and I don't have the option to do that at the moment because I'm dealing with 600 other fucking things

Like yeah I need to join the gym but I cannot afford to do that right now because I don't know if I'm going to have to put down a chunk of money anytime soon actually I have to take both cats to the vet so that's going to be expensive as fog and then we're not going to have nothing to spend for the rest of the month I will have money in my bank account but I won't be able to touch it unless we get a place And then I just empty my bank account and hand it to my parents so they will not be fucking assholes to me

And then I just empty my bank account and hand it to my parents so they will not be fucking assholes to me I'm just I'm exhausted I'm done I don't know what the fuck my parents want me to do I feel like I'm constantly like in some sort of like brain washed where I'm supposed to make them happy and parent them and take care of them because like if I didn't they would both be dead by now like legitimately they would both be dead if I didn't step in in a lot of situations

I'm really pissed because like these people are fucking outside hollering at 1 another and it's fucking late I need to sleep and I can't sleep when I'm hearing people bitching outside

I mean this is generally a quiet fucking complex until these assholes moved in

I don't understand people that really actually take pleasure from the pain of others unless it's like something that they really deserve.

And I think a lot of people do some fucked up things to people that don't deserve it

My mom now is convinced that my father must be completely untreated autistic male who is high-functioning and he just has these anxiety-ridden melt down and that's why he says me and him are alike and all this other shit and I'm like oh my fucking God like duh we all knew he was like that the entire time but you know autistic or not you can fucking learn to control your temper and not fucking hit people

Because it would be fucking great if I didn't have a broken crooked nose but thanks for that dad.

And yeah that happened when I was a teenager and not one single adult helped me when I came to school with 2 black eyes and a broken nose

And I wasn't allowed to call the cops because oh God if you call a cops and dad will lose his job and he will go to jail and then we won't have any money to live in that house and then we'll have to get rid of all the things and it'll be your fault

I was a teenager I had just said some smart ass thing to him and he decided to pin me to a chair and he hit me 13 fucking times and he was like oh I didn't use a closed fist well motherfucker what the hell did you use because my nose started spurting blood and that's the only thing that made him stop

I'm curious as to why you asked me about my anxiety medication intake and how long I've been on it and all that mess

Because the thing is I've been on it a very long time and at this point my brain thinks it's a chemical that is supposed to be there and I have been taken off of it more than once and I have had horrible reactions that almost killed me and left me with problems. And I do not want to get off the medication because it is the only thing actually helping me. And a lot of people don't understand what it would be like if I was not on this medication. And there are no alternatives available that would help I have taken all of those and had horrible reactions wishing that 1 of them would work instead and they did not.

I mean even the Blood pressure medicine that they use with PTSD patients and other shit like that does not work on me it did nothing

And when I forget to even take my anxiety medicine my muscles will Seize up more and I do get a type of seizure but they have not recorded it and my neurologist is a fucking idiot because he just won't listen to me when I tell him I experience these things and I just have not caught one on camera For some reason my family never notices when this is happening or has never seen it so of course I'd sound fucking crazy.

And there's only been one time that I have overtaken my medication and I was Younger and it was my grandmother's viewing before they cremated her and that trauma replaces in my head a lot

Because she had wanted me to hang out with her and I was being an asshole teenager and told her that I would see her another time and she sounded sad but she said bye and I didn't think anything of it. And then not too long after that my grandfather called and I picked up the phone and he thought that I was my mother and he told me that my grandmother had passed and I hung up and screamed in horror and my dad got the phone and I ran and got in my car and drove over there because I didn't believe she was dead and I thought maybe I could bring her back or something

And I remember trying to go to her room And I remember seeing her hand over the edge of the bed. I remember the vomit on the bed after they took her body but whatever I remember most is being held back from going in the room and I don't know who it was

And I remember screaming and people telling somebody to get me out of the house because I was freaking out too much

And she killed yourself and they ruled it a heart attack for the money

If I was like anybody in my family I was like her and my other grandmother.

I've still not gotten over it.

I still haven't gotten over Cole

All even know what's to tell you about Kelly I mean she's sometimes an imaginary friend that lives in my head that I'd talk 24 no reason and I know it's not real.

And then yeah I'm not over anything I'm not over anybody who died that I cared about

And I don't want to go to any more funerals but I feel a desk coming and it's not mine and it's not my doing but somebody I know is going to pass soon and I don't like that I don't like knowing these things.

And I sound maybe a little weird but I just know things Joshua sometimes I just know. We could use all the CBT and DBT and whatever else in the world but you could not convince me otherwise. I know that I have some sort of I don't know I wouldn't call it a gift I don't really feel like it's a gift but Basically sometimes I'm psychic and it's not just trauma recognition patterns shit.

I don't do cold readings or crap like that I mean I can if I wanted to but I don't do it I know how is what I mean but I've never done that for anybody because it's just rude.

To be back in my spirituality and everything But I'm tired and I don't want to deal with any of the people in the spiritual community unless they're just chill and they're not gonna start drama I really don't like the spiritual or the spiritualist community they are pretty fucking rude and scary artists.

And I've been invited to do divination type stuff and energy work and crap like that at many events in town where people pedal things and lie to people and craft bullshit spell work crap to sell to people who desperately want to be in love and they think that it candle with herbs and crusted on it is going to fix that problem.

Mostly those scenes are pretty fucking predatory there's lots of men that take advantage of women who are in spiritual shit and fuck them over luckily I did not fall for that because like most of these dudes earlier fucking weird and you can spot it at least I can spot it I don't know why I know one else's spotting that just red flags all over the fucking place

I feel like that whole community is kind of like people who are just larping

I mean I feel that way about organized religion in general

I suppose I can say that I might be doing the same thing but I also think I have a gift and it's okay if no one believes me it's not hurting anything

I'm not hurting myself or others I like to practice my solitary eclectic religion and have my altars and do my candle work and all that

And I would love to sleep but my cats won't shut up now probably because of my neighbors and they've been doing this every night till about 5 or 6 and I keep having to get up and see what in the world they could possibly need and if it's me if I'm the problem it's me fucking Taylor Swift

Then I can't take anymore anxiety medicine like I'm at my limit for the day I'm not gonna take another one I'm not freaking out so if the cats are smelling stress hormones on me or something else and alerting me I don't know what to do about it

I mean they have to go to the vet because I'm worried that 1 of them might have AUTI even though they have plentiful water and are very very spoiled and they get filtered water.

But I don't know

I hate seeing new doctors and just medical professionals in general like don't dislike the Doctor automatically or the professional automatically or the professional automatically just really hate having to explain everything to them and I can't just play stupid and go oh I don't know what's wrong

Because I've already figured out what could possibly be wrong I was left alone with the internet on supervised most of my fucking life like I didn't already research everything I could possibly find on a possible enlarge left atrium in prolonged wave abnormalities

I mean I think it might be just genetic and exacerbated by my stress and that's probably what the Doctor is gonna agree with but I'm going to let him test me for cardiac shit first and then we're gonna look at psychiatric causes

Still think it's really quite interesting that my psychiatrist PA Victoria told me about broken heart syndrome and that she thinks that I might have it or if she asked me if I had looked that up or something and I never did but I found out that the problems that I'm having are very similar in diagnosis to that but I'm not a Doctor to diagnose that so I'm not going to diagnose myself with that

Because I'm not a hypochondriac act like people think I am. And if I don't have that problem then it was interesting to learn about it I think that's what people don't understand about me. I don't seek out to have problems I just want to learn.

I mean wanna go see the geneticist in springtime then I will have a chance to find out through blood work what exactly is going on if I have a gene mutation or something else wrong with my genetics then she will be sending me to the correct doctors to get it checked out and then I won't have a lot to worry about in that department for quite a long time unless I suddenly experience a problem that is not genetically related or mutation related or whatever hopefully no

I think people look for what's familiar to them in me and I am not a familiar type person and they think I am but I'm not

Sometimes I feel like a blank canvas and other times I feel like a chameleon and other times I feel like a lost child and other times I just can't fucking talk at other times I can't fucking talk because if I open my mouth I'm gonna do nothing but scream and scream and scream and scream.

I wish I was healthy. Like the people out there that are just actually healthy like they're born with no health issues they grow up they don't have any health issues they don't even have psych issues

Maybe people would understand me more

It's not like I want to have any of these diagnosis you know

Every time they add another one it's really really upsetting

And it makes some dry humor or I just make comment that just sounds like I'm okay with it.

But i'm not. I'm not okay with any of it I don't want to have more health problems and he had to keep having them and then My own family and people who I'm no longer friends with just love to tell me that I don't have what an actual Doctor diagnosed me with as if they are experts and went to school for all of that and actually spent time reading about it and learning they tell me I'm full of shit or I'll hypochondriac or I have one thousands or some other dumb crap

You know it's just not fucking fair life is not fucking fair and it could be but it's not

I mean I don't even wanna look at the news anymore I do not fucking care I mean outlook not so good for political things I don't want to look at that anymore like it's just going to be a shit show

And there's gonna be more mental health crisis because of it.

And all these bills they're passing and these projects they're trying to do

Who let a bunch of old white men decide what to do with women's bodies

Who let religion into my government

I really wanna take a social media break but then I won't be able to know what's going on if I do feel well enough to leave the house.

I mean I could just leave my Facebook profile on and not Post and not go on Facebook I'm not gonna turn messenger off because that's the only way that my long distance partner talks with me he doesn't usually call me on the phone too much not as much as he did when we first started talking

I don't feel like I'm very important to him right now

And he tells me that I should find a partner for here and I tried that and it did not go well and I would really love it if my ex could be my partner for here or a friend with benefits because he's the only guy that I would let touch me in this fucking hell city right now

I mean I know all the fucked up shit he's done. I could fucking ruin his life. He lied to me and he used me and I'm still in love with him and I don't know what's wrong with me and it's almost 4 AM and the neighbors are still being loud and I hate them. And if I call the courtesy officer he's not going to be able to do anything about it because the office really doesn't want them to move out because they need the money

And I still need to have it printed but I was supposed to receive a copy of the lease in the rules for the apartment complex which I asked the office for which they had copies of sitting in a stack behind this chick's desk And I just asked her for a folder and a copy so I could read over the rules and highlight some things and make sure that you know I was following the rules myself and she just flat out told me no I could not have one and if I wanted a copy of the lease and the rules do call my apartment management company and I'm like well they told me to come here and ask you guys for that but I'm sure I can have them get a copy from you all.

Why are they all being fucking terrible to me what cue have I missed my entire life that has gotten me bullied what is it

I mean I was not the kid that reminded the teacher that we all needed to turn it home work because I never did mine

I never really did anything to anybuddy I was always pretty quiet and kept to myself and I maybe had 1 or 2 friends and they didn't play With Me All The Time because we had little clicks because it was the 90s and early 2000s and of course Everybody had to hang out in groups and I was not invited to any of those groups and it might have been because of my weight and my disability and probably other factors but Personality was I don't know maybe I was a weird kid because my mom sheltered the fuck out of me and there was this weird kid that went to school of my sister and she was a nice check but She's just so incredibly sheltered and brain washed by her mother and her father and they were such strange people like really weird. And my sister and her friends believe hurt so much and it always made me really mad I would tell her to leave that girl alone

Because she didn't fucking understand that girl was just being helicoptered by 2 really weird parents.

Well it's really fucking late and I'm only gonna get a couple hours of sleep and Unfortunately I'm being forced to drive to This Appointment and Go to It Luckily Not by Myself Though my Mom Will Be with me because I always tend to try and bring her with me to appointments because doctors don't like to take me seriously because I can't not talk in medical vernacular just FYI in case you didn't know that I am incapable of just speaking plainly and simply because of the autism I have never used super deeper simple language unless I was drunk or incredibly stoned

I mean honestly I've been in the hospital drugged up to hell on accommodation I shouldn't have even been on and spoken to doctors in the same venecular completely wrecked on a combo

Doesn't matter if I'm giving psychiatric medicine either that does not change how I speak

I don't want to change how I speak I feel like I'm not the problem with that

I mean my parents don't remember taking me to therapy so I could talk again

My parents don't remember that my voice completely changed in my ability to hear Myself The Way I Used To and my ability to Sing like I Used To went away when I had my tonsils and adoids out and Then it wouldn't told me that I was actually tone deaf No One recorded me to prove it to me Everybody encouraged me to Sing and be inquisitand and I got teased so much and it's all because none of the adults told me that I sounded Bad

It's 4:11 AM and my neighbors are still being assholes

And my cats are going absolutely insane and I don't know what's going on

I just want to get a couple fucking hours of sleep so I can go to the fucking heart Doctor appointment and find out if I'm dying or not

Whatever the hell is going on

[whoree321]

Hey, I believe your requests are open, so, could you please write smth were reader and Tech are friends with benefits?

Also, I’m in the same dilemma as you, cause everyone already forgot tbb and I’m still obsessed??? Like, were is everybody excitement about the show, it was gone so fast…

Anyway, thank ya <3

hello friend! this is a delicious request and i am more than happy to oblige! i’m not sure if you wanted like pure angst or like sexy successful fwb but above all else i am a dirty dirty slut for happy endings so i went light angst, heavy fluff, mild smut to get a little of everything lmaooooo. this also got a little out of control and i’m not sorry.

and literally i am suffering so much in this ever increasing drought of bad batch excitement. like i feel like the person at a party when everyone else is tired and wants to leave who’s still just way too hyped and is like “NO WAIT GUYS LETS HAVE MORE SHOTS AND PLAY TRUTH OR DARE COME ON ITLL BE FUN”. i am in absolute agony. but anyways!

a mutually beneficial arrangement (tech x gn!reader)

it was purely sex. just two friends helping each other relieve some stress occasionally. just two friends who happened to have sex with each other. until it wasn’t.

warnings: fwb, mild smut, reader is gender/genital neutral but they are penetrated by tech (amab)

word count: no idea but it’s pretty long

***

In hindsight, it really shouldn’t have shocked you that this was how things played out.

It’s not like you’d ever been friends with benefits with someone before. It’s not like you didn’t know how easily you could develop feelings for people. It’s not like you didn’t know you were maybe just a little too interested in Tech non-platonically before any of this even started.

No, you knew all of those things going into it. You made the conscious decision to be the biggest dumbass in the galaxy.

When Tech had first suggested a friends with benefits situation, it seemed like a much better idea than it actually was. You had been assigned to Clone Force 99 for a few weeks at that point and had already developed fast friendships with all of them (Crosshair even sometimes acknowledged your presence with neutrality and that definitely felt like at least an acquaintanceship). You were closest with Tech, and one tipsy night at 79’s found the two of you making out in a hallway near the bathroom. You could still remember the way his mouth tasted like whiskey as he pressed you up against the wall

He paused his assault on your lips to look at you, breath fanning lightly across your face. You whined at the loss of contact, not noticing in your haze the intensity in his eyes as he studied you, as though if he took in enough of you he would have the answer to an imposssible question. He migrated lower, planting kisses and sucking lightly on your neck until he made his way to your ear.

“Have you ever heard of people being platonic sexual partners?”, he asked low in your ear. You shuddered at the feeling of his breath and the deeper tone to his voice before you answered.

“You mean like friends with benefits?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean,” Tech clarified as he moved to once again nibble on the sweet spots of your neck. Had you had a little more sense, you would have warned him not to leave any noticeable marks, lest you suffer the teasing of the rest of the boys.

“I’ve heard of it, I’ve never done it before though. Why?”

“Well, given our current circumstance,” his response was punctuated by his ministrations on your pressure points, “it may be mutually beneficial for us to enter into that type of arrangement.”

You stopped him for a moment, and lifted his face so that you could make eye contact. Tech stood up a little straighter, hands running up and down your sides lightly as he gazed down at you.

“You think that we should be friends with benefits?”

Tech nodded, one hand moving to brush a strand of hair out of your face.

“I believe it would be an advantageous relationship. We could have relations while still maintaining our successful platonicity, thus eliminating the need to alter the dynamic of the squad with the complications of some trivial romance. It would also be physically beneficial. Sexual intercourse has been shown to successfully alleviate stress, as well as…”

He kept going, explaining the health benefits of sex, but it was hard to pay attention to his rambling while you tried to clear your head of the alcohol and the intoxication of his touch and figure out where you stood on his proposition. In that moment, everything he said made total sense. Granted, that part about “trivial romance” stung a little, but you could still fuck him without ruining the squad or your friendship with him, and Maker did you want to fuck him…

Uncharacteristically cutting off his rant, you responded. “I accept your offer. I would love to be friends with benefits with you.”

Tech grinned, a lust forming in his eyes at the new promise of the benefits the night was leading to.

“Splendid”

From that (mind-blowing) night, sex became a very regular thing. A mission went poorly? Frustrated sex. A mission went well? Celebratory sex. The Batch got leave time? Vacation sex. The Batch hadn’t gotten leave time in too long? Cabin fever sex. It really had started out pretty platonically, but after the first few times you could feel yourself falling head over heels for him. You knew you should stop it, Tech would never hold it against you or be upset if you changed your mind. You told yourself again and again that you would just break it off with him, but then his hands and his lips and his body would be on you, and the hungry way he looked at you would knock the air, and any ideas of making him stop, out of you.

In your defense, it wasn’t like you were the one who had suggested it. Tech had to know the likelihood that your “platonic sexual relationship” would only stay platonic for so long. Actually, you were surprised he hadn’t done a little more analysis of the situation. If he had taken into account all of the factors (the rate of failure in friends with benefits situations, each of your levels of emotionality and past relationships, the effects of living and working in close quarters, etc), you can’t imagine he would have thought it was a smart idea. If Tech had crunched the numbers like he normally would, it wouldn’t have produced favorable results. So for him to want to do it anyway, or to not even analyze it beforehand, must mean he had some sort of feelings for you, right?

This was one of the various problem in your current situation. Tech would always do things that were just on the line between “friends” and “more than friends”. He would go out of his way to do little things for you, he would share info and jokes and side comments with you that he never tried to share with brothers, he would blush when you complimented any of his work, he would stand just a little too close to you or let his touch linger just a little too long. He would suggest a sexual relationship that was highly statistically improbable to be successful.

And while Tech offered nothing but mixed signals, you took it a step further and let those mixed signals fester in your brain until you had warped them into one very clear signal: he liked you as more than a friend. You were so sure of it too. Why would he do all of those things if he didn’t like you like that? It’s not even like he treated you like some one night stand when he fucked you. He cared about making you feel good (usually it seemed like he cared more about you getting off than him), he would clean you up after and you always stayed the night together, cuddled and whispering late into the night about nothing and everything.

There was nothing friendly about your intimate nights together, come to think of it. Friends that just fucked would never treat each other so tenderly or lovingly. It’s not that completely unbelievable to think you would accidentally blurt out that you love him. Tech should have expected that.

But it was out there, unfortunately. You had committed the cardinal sin of being friends with benefits and you couldn’t take it back.

Tech’s brutal pace never faltered as he pumped in and out of you, your moans growing louder and louder as you began to approach your peak. He gazed down at you, locking eyes, and the emotion you could feel behind them was overwhelming. You could tell that he was close, with all the experience you had with him you knew his body better than your own, and he brought his hand up to softly caress your cheek.

“You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe I get to see you like this,” he huffed out, brow furrowing as the rhythmic slamming of his hips against you brought him closer and closer to the edge.

At his words, you reached your climax, and as you came undone words of ecstasy slipped from your lips between wails of pleasure.

“Kriff Tech… ah…. Tech..fuck…I love you”

You didn’t even realize it at first, too caught up in the moment, but Tech did. His eyes grew impossibly wide, and he was finishing inside you before either of you could fully process what you had just said.

As you both came down from your high, the gravity of your admission settled between you. Tech pulled out and flopped down next to you wordlessly, and for a few minutes you both just stared at the ceiling in torturous silence. And then he got up and walked to the refresher, not even looking at you once, and you felt like that was all the confirmation you needed that you woefully misinterpreted your entire relationship with him.

You lept out of his bunk, threw your clothes on, and left as silently as possible, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks. At least you could spare yourself the embarrassment of your words in that moment, and both of you could just forget it and move on.

Of course, you knew that pretending it didn’t happen would be impossible. You told him you loved him, and he said nothing. For several minutes. And then hid in the fresher. That was a clear rejection, and while it devastated you, you were still hoping that the two of you could just move on and be friends like you were before the benefits were added.

Apparently to Tech, you had offended him beyond repair. He never spoke to you (unless it was specifically mission oriented), he rarely looked at you or acknowledged your presence, and he positioned himself as far from you as possible at every opportunity. It had been two weeks since your slip up, and he hadn’t even made eye contact with you once.

It was agony. You missed him. You didn’t even really know what it was like to be on this squad without keeping him company while he made repairs or asking him questions about the next place you were going just to hear him talk. You missed making snide jokes with him. You missed admiring the way his goggles magnified his gorgeous caramel eyes.

The other boys noticed the shift very quickly. They had suspected the two of you had some sort of arrangement, and they knew how close you were, so to see it change so abruptly was concerning. Hunter had tried talking to you about it a few times, but you just reassured him that everything was fine and it was nothing he needed to worry about. Wrecker and Crosshair tried to pick up the slack, and started filling in the holes in your routine that Tech used to occupy. Crosshair would sit next to you in the mornings and during briefings, sometimes trying to make little comments in your ear like Tech would. On missions, Wrecker would always aim to pair up with you, and afterwards would try to do something fun like find a sweet treat or rent a good movie.

You appreciated so much what they did for you. But no matter how hard they tried, nothing could take your mind off the wall of ice Tech had built between you. You loved the other boys, but trying to share happy moments with them when all you could think about was how much better it would be with him was becoming unbearable. You didn’t want to leave them, but you couldn’t stay with Tech being so close to you and yet lightyears away.

As you filled out your transfer paperwork, you chuckled wryly to yourself. Even without the “trivial romance”, the squad was still disrupted. In a bittersweet way, it felt good for Tech to be wrong.

***

Tech had really done his best to analyze the evidence and make an informed decision based on his findings. He had been crunching his numbers with you since the day you joined the Batch, after all. Back then, it was the probability of your attraction to each of them. Tech was fascinated with you, and right off the bat he wanted to know his odds- just out of curiosity of course (for the record, they were pretty highly in his favor).

He knew there were pros and cons to the possibility of a relationship with you. First of all, it was technically against regulation for any clone to be involved in a romantic relationship. Second of all, it was likely that such a relationship would have the potential to cause countless rifts and points of weakness among his squad (regardless of the relationship’s success). Then there was also the very possible chance that the relationship wouldn’t work out anyway, leaving both of you hurt and irreparably damaging your friendship. As much as Tech may have wanted you, the costs unfortunately outweighed the benefits.

But then he kissed you at 79’s. And you kissed him back. And there he was, kissing you at 79’s, memorizing the sweetness of your lips on his. And he knew he should stop. He had studied the data and it’s conclusions were not very good, and if he had any sense at all he would stop. But he pulled away and looked at you, took in the flush on your cheeks and the dazed look accompanying your dilated pupils and the swell of your bruised lips. And he couldn’t bring himself to part ways with you. So he offered the closest thing to a relationship he could think of: friends with benefits.

A friends with benefits arrangement would be a more than adequate solution, Tech had decided. He could be physical with you in the proper moments, and then outside of those moments everything would be just as it was before. The squad’s dynamic and mission proficiency would remain consistent, and technically no regulations were being broken since they only specified romantic relationships. Of course, it wasn’t truly what he wanted, but in this arrangement he would get to enjoy you so much more than he currently was.

Unfortunately, he had made a critical oversight. In the dim haze of the club hallway, Tech had only considered how casual sex would compare to a full blown relationship. He didn’t think to analyze it singularly. And he certainly didn’t calculate the logistics of a friends with benefits agreement when one of the friends in question already had romantic feelings for the other friend.

But Tech knew himself. He knew he could have feelings for you and not let them get in the way. He could accept what he was able to have and make peace with what he couldn’t. Casual sex seemed like a good idea when his emotions were the only ones he took into account.

He wasn’t expecting you to fall in love with him.

When you had said it, Tech thought his heart was going to stop right then and there. In the heat of the moment, he couldn’t have imagined more precious words falling from your lips, and instantly it had him spiraling over the edge into ecstasy. But then the moment ended, and you didn’t say anything. He wanted to end the silence, to find out if you really meant it, but his brain was moving too fast to figure out what to say because he really hadn’t considered this would happen. It was naive of him, he supposed, but he really had thought the two of you could have done it without the emotional complications. Part of him, of course, was thrilled, but the other part of him, the logical part, was thrown into absolute chaos at the implications of your statement and what it would mean and all the statistics and probabilities he had calculated and

And you still hadn’t said anything. Tech could see you out of the corner of his eye, face red and chest heaving with emotion. You looked embarassed, regretful, and the realization that maybe you didn’t mean it hit him like a brick to the face. Maybe it was just something that slipped out, something your orgasm-addled mind had conjured up against your will and now you didn’t know how to take it back, didn’t know the right way to tell him you don’t actually love him.

It was too much for him to process at once, and he ran to the refresher in the hopes that he could clear his head and actually think coherently about the situation for a moment. Tech couldn’t have been in there long, maybe a few minutes, just long enough to splash some water on his face, look himself in the eye, and come to the conclusion that he needed to just have a conversation with you instead of playing with hypothetical numbers in his head. But then he came back out and you were gone, and that seemed like all the answer he needed. You didn’t mean it.

That was good, right? You didn’t mean it, and the two of you could keep going the way you had been.

But the ache in Tech’s heart said otherwise. You didn’t love him. He loved you, he knew he did, and he could be ok with pretending he didn’t when he didn’t know how you felt. But he knew now. And it hurt.

It hurt everytime he talked to you, so he stopped talking to you. It hurt everytime he was near you, so he stopped being near you. It hurt everytime he looked at you, so he stopped looking. The squad’s performance hadn’t been altered, so Tech concluded that the awkwardness could be tolerated until your presence didn’t feel so much like a blaster shot to his chest.

But just like pretty much every other choice Tech had made in regards to you, that plan only worked until it backfired horrifically.

***

The Batch were back on Kamino in between missions. Tech had been vaguely aware of Hunter being called in to a meeting of some sort, but he offered his full attention as Hunter stormed back into their room and huffed his way to Tech’s workbench.

“I don’t know what you did, but you need to fix things with Y/N. Now”

At the mention of your name, Tech pretended to return to his work, fiddling with a tool and avoiding eye contact.

“I do not know what you are referring-“

“Like hell you don’t Tech! The two of you haven’t even looked at each other in weeks and now they’ve put in a request to be transferred to another unit, so don’t tell me there’s nothing going on between you.”

Tech shot up, tools abandoned and stool knocked over with the force of his standing.

“They requested a transfer?”

“Yeah, they did. Now, I don’t know what happened, but I know your little silent treatment has been hurting them a lot. I don’t want to see them go, and you don’t either. So go talk to them and fix it, or I’ll have you transferred instead,” Hunter ordered, finger pointed at Tech’s chest. The threat was empty, of course, but it had fallen on deaf ears regardless.

Tech all but sprinted out into the hall, desperate to change your mind before you left them for good. As much as it pained him to be near you, the thought of being without you was somehow so much worse. He reached your quarters and unceremoniously burst in, barely giving the doors enough time to slide open before he was moving past them.

You jumped at his sudden entrance, hand coming up to clutch your chest.

“Maker, Tech you scared me!”

“Please don’t leave”

You stared at him, taking in his appearance for the first time. His chest was heaving, like he’d just run a marathon, and his eyes were frantic and impossibly wide behind his goggles. You didn’t think you’d ever seen him so disheveled, even when you’d slept with him.

You wanted to look away, but you were conscious of the fact that this was the first time you had made eye contact in Maker knows how long and you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“Tech, I-I can’t stay with the way things are. I’m sorry about what I said, I know it was just supposed to be a friend thing and I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you. I really tried not to, but I did and I ruined everything and you can’t even look at me anymore so how can I-“

Tech took step closer, cutting off your rambling as his brow furrowed.

“You fell in love with me?”

He spoke so quietly, it was barely above a whisper. You nodded, confused at his surprised considering the whole issue was that you told him you loved him and he didn’t feel the same. That was the issue, right?

You could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears as he tried to process what was happening.

“I thought… I thought you didn’t mean it”

Now it was your turn to be confused.

“Why would you think that?”

“Y-you didn’t say anything. You confessed your affections for me while in a compromised state and didn’t say anything else afterwards. Your body language indicated regret and-and you left. I concluded that you said it by accident, and did not actually mean it,” he explained as calmly as he could in his rattled state.

“I left because I told you I loved you and you locked yourself in the fresher! And then you wouldn’t talk to me so I figured you were mad at me because I have feelings for you and you don’t feel the same way!”

Tech’s face broke out in a huge grin, and just as you were about to ask him why he was so happy all of a sudden, he rushed forward and passionately slotted his lips against yours. You gasped into him before immediately reciprocating the kiss, and you tangled your hands in his hair as his fingers desperately clutched your hips. Of all the kisses you had shared with him, none had felt the way this one did. There was an emotion pouring into it, one that had always been on the verge of spilling over but never had before. Eventually you broke apart, and you cursed your lungs for needing air.

He leaned his forehead against yours as you both caught your breath, and broke the silence after a few moments.

“I love you, too. I have for a significant amount of time. When you left that night, I incorrectly assumed you did not share my affections. I avoided you after because I… I was hurt. I apologize for misinterpreting your actions, and for allowing you to think that I was upset with you. I assure you, that could not be further from reality.”

You laughed giddily, bumping his nose with yours as you relished in his confession.

“If you loved me, why did you just want to be friends with benefits?”

Tech blushed and look down, a sheepish look overtaking his features.

“Well, I performed a cost-benefit analysis on engaging in a romantic relationship, and the potential complications were too great. A platonic sexual partnership offered a less risky alternative. Although, I must admit that I failed to properly calculate the possible outcomes of such an agreement between two individuals in our specific situation,” he elaborated.

“We might be the two dumbest people in the galaxy,” you joked with a giggle.

“Technically, it is statistically impossible for that to be true, given-“

You cut him off with another deep kiss, your hands coming to rest on his arms as they kept you in his iron-clad grip. He had never loosened his hold, as though he thought if he let you go, you would disappear.

Abruptly, the kiss ended as Tech pulled back slightly to look at you.

“Does this mean you are no longer transferring out of our squad?”

You grinned.

“That depends. Does this mean we can have a real relationship, not just sex?”

Tech brought one hand to rest on his jaw as he looked upwards and pretended to be deep in thought.

“Well, according to my calculations, we have already experienced nearly all of the possible complications of pursuing a romantic relationship, so I have no objection to enjoying some of the benefits,” he concluded with a playful smile.

You leaned up to kiss him again, pausing just before your lips made contact with his to make a sly comment.

“And we know how good we are at some of those benefits already”

[uwuwriting]

Boyfriend w/ Megumi, Itadori and Gojo

Request: hii I just read your jujutsu nightmares piece and oh my god I am indeed a very simple simp and your writing just makes my heart go uwu so may I maybe req a very soft, fluffy s/o for Megumi, Itadori Sato and maybe Sukuna if you write for him? I hope it's not too much, thank uu <3 - anonymous

I can’t get enough of the JJK content, I love them so much my heart can’t take it. Sadly I don’t write for Sukuna *I think I mention it in my rules but I’m not sure*, he pissed me off big time in the manga so yeah sorry about that. Really all the curses have kinda pissed me off but that’s a story for another day lmao. Love ya.💖💖💖

masterlist II rules

warnings: boyfriend things lol, fluff, maybe some angst sprinkled on top but not a lot. 

Fushiguro Megumi 

-Megumi reminds me of Suna from Haikyuu. 

-Like a lot. 

-He will put effort in the relationship of course but he won’t flaunt it around in everybody’s faces. 

-Yes he has a s/o and yes he is in love but in his book that should be mostly kept in between you two, no one else has to know. 

-So at first your relationship isn’t really acknowledged by the others. 

-It’s so subtle at casual that everyone around you thinks that you’re merely best friends and close to each other. 

-Only Makki knows that you two are a thing since she sees how you worry and take care of him after he has been injured. 

-It’s different from platonic concern and she knows what’s going on. 

-Plus she saw you steal a kiss one time and that sealed the deal. 

-Eventually the others figure it out and they are losing their shit, for completely different reasons though. 

-Nobara can’t believe Megumi got a s/o before she did. 

-Gojo is hurt because neither of you said anything and he has been trying to hook you up for the past two years now. 

-Itadori is just confused because he thought that you were like that to everyone. 

-Now PDA is non-existent with this one. 

-He doesn’t feel comfortable touching you in public even if it’s a small peck. 

-He prefers showing his love behind closed doors or through acts of service. 

-So expect to find multiple bentos waiting for you in the kitchen each morning or a hot bath on the ready when you come back from a long mission. 

-You are okay with the no PDA rule, your only request is that he at least hold your pinkie when you need it. 

-It grounds you and who is he to say no to that?

-During missions he doesn’t underestimate your strength and let’s you do your thing. 

-He only interferes when you ask for help or when he notices that you’re extremely overwhelmed. 

-He doesn’t smother you and you are eternally grateful for that. 

-Training sessions between the both of you are brutal. 

-Neither holds back and you're left a panting, sweating mess at the end, crawling to your respective rooms to change before you settle for a movie later that afternoon.

-If either of you gets injured it’s mama bear time. 

-You need to change your bandages? Megumi has already taken out the kit and all the essentials. 

-He needs to take some meds to calm the pain in his ribcage? You have the pills in hand. 

-He is a shy boy so even in private he hesitates to touch you. 

-Don’t get him wrong he loves holding you and feeling you close to him but he is also afraid he will make you uncomfortable or overstep. 

-So you will be the one initiating cuddle session during the first months of your relationship. 

-After a while he will simply pick you up and carry you to his bed for cuddles if he needs them without uttering a word the whole time. 

-Good morning/Goodnight kisses are a must. 

-It’s a ground rule that he follows religiously since day one. 

-It doesn’t matter if it’s a simple peck on his lips or a passionate kiss, he just wants to get a kiss before starting/ending the day. 

-Sleeps on his stomach with an arm always draped over your waist. 

-Isn’t really into the whole sleeping on each other thing but he won’t say no to being the big spoon or even better the little spoon. 

-He gets flustered when you kiss his knuckles or trace patterns on his palms. 

-He knows his hands are rough from all the training but after your touch they feel tender and gentle. 

-Prefers indoor dates rather than outdoor ones. 

-His favorite  is cooking dinner together and then cuddling on the couch *in hopes you won’t get interrupted by Gojo*.

-The only thing he dislikes about the whole relationship thing is the teasing he receives from Gojo. 

-He is ready to rip his ears off. 

-Boy has murder on his mind 24/7 and it is all directed to his mentor.

-Gojo noticed that Megumi had you as his wallpaper ONCE and now it’s game over for your boyfriend. 

-The thing is that you don’t get teased as much and he is *salty*. 

Itadori Yuuji

-He is such a lovable boy, how could you NOT fall in love with him?

-Your relationship is naturally effortless. 

-Everything flows so naturally and without even trying you two have formed such an unbreakable bond that not even Sukuna himself can tether even if he tried. 

-Many MANY spontaneous trips to the nearest convenience store at 3 am.

-Oh you are craving some popcorn? Well go on, get your shoes, we are going grocery shopping. 

-Won’t hesitate to do anything for you and when I say anything I mean it. 

-He ditched Gojo once because you had bad period pains and said you needed cuddles. 

-What cruel creature would he be if he denied his beautiful girlfriend her cuddles??? 

-Sukuna has cockblocked you two and has ruined your cuddles on multiple occasions. 

-From weird noises to rude comments to interrupting Yuuji’s thoughts with random shit. 

-Real party crasher. 

-Yuuji’s love language is touch mainly so expect a shit load of hugs and kisses. 

-Won’t let go of your hand while you are out in public. 

-If he can’t hold your hand he will place his palm in the small of your back or wrap his arm around your shoulders/waist. 

-It’s a physical need. 

-He has to be touching you at all times because that reminds him that you are truly here beside him and that you are okay. 

-The sorcerer's life has already taken a toll on his mentality and he hates leaving you alone so most of the time you go on conjoined missions. 

-Unlike Megumi he tries to protect you during fights by all means. 

-He doesn’t do it because he sees you as weak and in need of protection it’s just an instinct that he can’t control at all. 

-He will put himself in immense danger, taking all the blows just so you can leave the scene unscathed. 

-You have scolded him on his complete disregard of his own life and the tears that pooled in his eyes as he explained that his body moves on its own when he sees anything darting towards you, breaks your heart. 

-If you kiss the little marks under his eyes all his worries fly out the nearest window. 

-He forgets about everything around him, about the looming threat of his imminent execution, the only thing on his mind are your lips on his cheekbones and your thumbs rubbing circles on his cheeks. 

-If you pepper him in too many kisses he will begin his own assault by first tackling you to the floor or the bed and capturing you in a hug before the smooches begin. 

-He has a tendency to leave hickies on your neck which you struggle to cover each morning and you are always real close to glaring at him when he beams like the sun itself at you in the morning but your mild anger fades the moment his lips meet yours. 

-You have your suspicions that he knows what he is doing with that, he knows his kisses make you weak so he uses them to his advantage. 

-Will never admit it but it always places a small smirk on his lips every time you clutch his shirt for balance or rest your forehead on his shoulder to regain your composure. 

-An I love you a day is required for good vibes. 

-Won’t hesitate to shout it even in front of others, he just has no filter and no shame. 

-Makes you turn tomato red and he snickers. 

-Fuck him, literally. 

Gojo Satoru

-This fucking tease. 

-He has no chill!!!!!!

-How are you with him?!?!?!?!!

-My man fine af and he drinks his respect for y/n and y/n alone juice every morning. 

-That doesn’t mean though he won’t try to fluster you throughout the day. 

-It’s his main goal really. 

-Full blown make out sessions in the hallways of the school, ass smacks in front of others and trying to leave hickies on your neck during your lunch break. 

-It simultaneously pisses you off and turns you on so you can’t decide if you should smack him or jump his bones. 

-It’s a never ending debate and his chances of getting the quawk quawk 5000 are 50/50. 

-He respects your boundaries when you give him a sign that you really don’t want him to be like that on certain days. 

-He is a very observant individual in general so it’s not hard for him to take note of the signs of pure discomfort or awkwardness. 

-True he loves flustering you but the moment things get out of hand and you don’t feel okay with how he is acting, he is throwing his attitude out the window and becomes respectful Gojo in a flash. 

-Likes having his arm draped over your shoulder. 

-He is super tall so chances are he towers over you. 

-He has used you like an armrest several times which resulted to a trip to Shoko for a dislocated wrist/shoulder. 

-You make him bentos almost everyday and he waits for them like a lost puppy. 

-No matter the time, he doesn’t care if he is late, he will wait for you to make him a little bento to take with him. 

-Curses can wait, he needs to receive his first dose of y/n love of the day. 

-Brags to his student about you and to Nanami, much to the blonde’s dismay. 

-Talks everyone’s ear off. 

-He becomes super protective when an elder shows up or at the mere mention of them. 

-He will grasp your hand, keeping a firm grip as those pretentious fucks stare down at you. 

-They really don’t care about Sato’s happiness and they will never show you a fiber of respect despite being chosen by the strongest sorcerer. 

-You are not part of one of the three clans so you are worth nothing in their eyes. 

-Gojo hates them for that. 

-Deep rooted hatred that could turn into a mass murder if one of them call you a distraction or a slut one more time. 

-You are really grateful for him in those moments. 

-You are grateful in general but during those times when you are being bombared left and right with rude comments, he will remind everyone in the room that he doesn’t give a flying fuck about what they believe. 

-He fell in love with you because you are your beautiful self and not because you are a powerful sorcerer. 

-He wants to imagine your kids as a sign of your love and not as an item of power, as a weapon like many of these people see him. 

-He has ditched the elder meetings on many occasions just because he wasn’t in the mood of listening to their bullshit so he came home to you and spent the rest of his night cuddled up under the large comforter, watching a movie while peppering your shoulders with kisses. 

-Adores seeing you in his clothes. 

-They are so big on you that you wear them as dresses around the house. 

-He especially loves the sight of your bare legs peeking from underneath his black t-shirt. 

-99% of the time this ends up in you getting your guts rearranged. 

-Surprisingly remembers all the important dates and he makes it to as many dates as he can. 

-Being a sorcerer is difficult man, give him a break curses he has a date at 8 and he needs to get his formal glasses. 

-All in all he loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to keep you safe and next to him. 

TAG  TEAM AY:

@the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​ @axerrri​ @reinyrei​ @dnarez​ @storage11037​ @ezoyscorner​ @letscheereachotheron​ @wolfkid22​ @dark-thoughts-and-red-roses​ @threeamwriting​ @ysatrap​ @yashinosakura  @angel6786​

[0011100101110011]

˗ˏˋdialogue: k-12 lyricsˎˊ˗

change pronouns/tenses as needed!

warning: this album (and therefore these sentence starters) is dark and shouldn’t be listened to/read by those who are easily offended/sensitive.

songs that may trigger you include: show & tell, strawberry shortcake, orange juice, teacher’s pet & recess

wheels on the bus

“trying to ignore it, it’s fucking boring.”

“no one’s watching us…”

“don’t give a fuck.”

class fight

“I fell in love with him, but he wasn’t in my life.”

“mommy, why do i feel sad?”

“my one true love called me a monster.”

the principal

“it’s not just me, it’s everybody!”

“who thinks that you’re fucking ugly?”

“can’t you see that we’re all hurting?”

show & tell

“i’m just like you, you’re like me: imperfect and human, are we?”

“it’s really hard for me to say just how i feel.”

“why can’t you fucking hear me?!”

nurses office

“band-aids won’t heal it.”

“take me home.”

“i faked up a seizure and left then and there.”

drama club

“everyone is so soft, everyone is so sensitive.”

“do you even have a brain?”

“you’re faking all your pain.”

strawberry shortcake

“they say boys like girls with a tiny waist.”

“cause it’s how i look and not what i think.”

“instead of making me feel bad for the body i got just teach him to keep it in his pants and tell him to stop!”

lunchbox friends

“we can be friends if you wanna be, but only ‘til the clock hits three.”

“i want someone who understands.”

“wanna be my best friend then just me if i smoke a little weed, makes no fucking sense to me.”

orange juice

“you turn orange to orange juice.”

“your body is imperfectly perfect.”

“i wish i could tell you that you’re fine, so fine, but you would find that disconcerting.”

detention

“i’m not a bad guy.”

“pretending everything’s alright is detention.”

“fuck how i feel as long as i make money.”

teacher’s pet

“caught the teacher giving his eyes to a student.”

“i know i’m young but my mind is well beyond my years.”

“didn’t learn a damn thing, honey, from you… except how to lie and cheat.”

high school sweethearts

“if you can’t handle a heart like mine don’t waste your time with me.”

“if you cheat, you will die.”

“could you hold me through the night?”

recess

“i was too young to see the truth.”

“don’t let them fuck/hurt you.”

“i should be happy but i can’t get out my bed.”

notebook

“you’re selfish ‘cause you always think your ass is always right.”

“what’s the point in your “i love yous” when they don’t hold any weight?”

“time you start growing up.”

test me

“so stop complaining.”

“i’m not to be forgotten.”

“born to be desired.”

brain & heart

“i was illogical.”

“what fun is it to be so calculated? or be taken advantage of 'cause your heart's too trusting?”

“sometimes i think you’re all i need.”

numbers

“you’re making a big deal out of a little thing.”

“am i just a number? 'cause it seems like that's your goal.”

“i need a reason why i’m looked at like a joke until i prove you wrong like i’ve done time and time before.”

glued

“you’re hard to let go.”

“i don't wanna think about thе morbid parts of life no more.”

“i’m fucked up and clueless.”

field trip

“you know I'm not one to take orders from ya.”

“you’re not real, just like me.”

“but is your empathy actually authentic? is it?”

the bakery

“not my first pick, but i’ll do it.”

“they expect me to stay when i should go.”

“little mess up and she’s angry.”

sorry for all the album sentence starters lately. i’m clearing out my drafts and had a lot of em in there. this is the last one.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Yeah Jin said he doesn't have a lot of celeb friends I feel like everybody is trying to make this a whole thing when it's not a big deal

Yeah, it's no big deal, but I have a theory on why Army clings to BTS being isolated and having "no celebrity friends". It's just a theory, so I might be really off with this, but hear me out.

I think that on a subconscious level, Army sort or likes that. Of course that on the surface they see it as just another proof of everyone else in the industry is bad, it contributes to the under dog narrative, of how much BTS fought to make a name for themselves, of how much they're hated in general. It gives the fanbase a sense of purpose because they can't be defenders if there is no victim to defend and protect. They might all say how shitty it is that they are isolated, but deep down they enjoy that. Because to them, perhaps it's another proof that only Army is able to fully understand and love BTS how they deserve. Only Army truly sees BTS for who they really are. And BTS helped in giving Army such a main character role and the fans have fully taken advantage of that.

Of course they allow other people from outside to be friends with BTS, if they tick each criteria that is necessary and imposed by the fandom. The most important criteria is to constantly praise BTS. That's why they love Halsey and a few others. And lately Chris Martin which has turned out to be on some special level. (I never thought I would reach a point in my life in the year 2022 where I would have to read girlies praising Chris Martin and Coldplay. Sounds fucking surreal for anyone who isn't Army or a Coldplay fan. I digress).

The entire thing gives Phantom Thread vibes and Army is Vicky Krieps enjoying Daniel Day Lewis aka BTS getting sick because in that way, she gets to take care of him and show him that he needs her and only her.

[silkybullets]

“Death Call”

Midland Hotel, 1925, sitting alone at a table the evening before Christmas, Tommy's icy eyes met with a face he never had ever thought of seeing again, not whilst being alive at least. Which lead us back to Birmingham, 1914, after he volunteered in Small Heath rifles, he spent his last couple of months home holding your hand in the hospital, watching your colours fade as dying of an unknown disease.

Warnings: English is my second language.

Words: around 2k

Tommy just ordered a drink, adding to that a whore, a brand new one in honor of Christmas when he initially went to light his cigarette. His eyes drifted to a table further away where a woman was already sitting down. He did recognize her, remembering the sweet touch of an old lover. His stiffened body didn’t receive the orders to continue moving sent by his brain, his mind too occupied playing memories of before the war. Before it all begins, or all ends, depending which side you’re looking.

One the other side of the room, you were searching the pockets of your woolen coat. When you finally found your cigarette case, you got one out, sliding it in between your soft lips. After pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, you hassled lightening up your cig and welcomed the poison in your lungs as if it was the purest thing. 

The waiter came closer to you, putting down your rhum, which you drank in one go and ordered another one. It’s been a couple months you didn’t drink and, after this first shot you don’t remember why. When doctors failed to diagnose you and closed your file with a lung disease you were young and never tasted the flavor of the liquid poison. But at the cliff of death, God granted you the wish to live.

Too bad that’s when your memories of endless & lonely drinking nights happened. 

Coming from a christian family, it was no question for them you had been chosen by God to do something great in this world. Pushing their luck they sent you to an orphanage run by nuns to pay your debts to God. When their initial idea was to keep you pure for as long as you were to be alive, you chose a different path for yourself, bounged down into alcohol, drugs and whatever came with it.

Saying you were a non-believer would be too much, but the idea of being some kind of “chosen one” was nonsense to you, that just meant death was right under your nose or waiting for you at the corner of the street. What happened next was logical consequence, your depraved self was sent back home after the nuns numerous warnings were ignored. You did not change, and decided not to. 

When being saved or witnessing a miracle helps people get their life in order, it had the reverse effect on you and you had yet to get your shit together.

When they recommended you to drastically change your ways for the sake of your family if not for you, you gave in. You had siblings, and knowing how hard your family could be on them at times, you didn’t want to leave them alone. But your good will ended tonight.

You looked at the filled glass in front of you for what seemed like an eternity,  weighting the pros and cons of getting drunk tonight and all the other after that one. You being dead or alive it’ll be okay for your family, you assured yourself to avoid feeling guilty for choosing not to fight. 

Ten minutes and three empty cups later, you were ordering another one. The waiter was intently looking at you, concerned, while you were ignoring his pout.

“You sure you want rhum, ma’m, Can I bring you something else, gin perhaps?” He was as smooth as one could, but the implicit meaning behind his words irritated you the most.

“Do I look like I’m sad, eh? Tell me ‘cause I don’t look at meself in mirrors these days.” You begin, agitating your fingers that were holding another cigarette. 

“Gin’s for sad women, whiskey for big boys crying, rhum for people like me: We are not sad enough for trying to drown our pain in gin, not hopeless alcoholics enough to to get drunk with something as tasteless as whisky. We simply enjoy a slow death with a sweet and spicy flavor. Please bring me the whole bottle this time.”

Without realizing it, you offered the man the warmest smile he had seen tonight and he gave one back even if still quite taken aback by your confusing revelation.

Tommy had seen enough, he got up throwing a bill near his drink and cleared his throat for lack of clearing his head. He walked to the table, the woman he once knew was seated, his voice already reaching her ears before their eyes would meet.

“Is this seat taken?” He motioned to the second chair around the table. Finishing another glass she invited him to sit down with a move of hand. Her cigarette in between her lips, she poured some rhum into her glass and ultimately lifted her eyes to his face.

“Are you sick of the hotel whore, Thomas? Am not one if this is your question.” She blinked as puffing on her cig. 

“Merry Christmas to you too, Y/N” He coughed. “See you haven’t changed a bit.”

“Nor did you.”

Lies, it was all lies, if it wasn’t her eyes he hadn’t recognized her. The woman he was in love with was long gone and so was the boy who loved her.

“So OBE it is, now?” She looked up to him.

He stayed in her eyes before daring to speak, and break the eye contact.

“You were always used to call me Tommy, we can stick to that.”

She didn’t respond nor look at him, keeping for herself any emotions his words had unleashed into her, if they did.

“What happened to you?” He spoke in a more vibrant ton. An attempt to ease the heavy atmosphere.

“War happened to us, Tom.” 

His eyes snapped open on her.

“What France did to you, remaining alive did to me.” She offered him a fair smile, looking straight at him with the same piercing gleam hiding behind her iris than when they were younger. 

“We all came back alive. John, Arthur, Freddie... Although they are now some missing pieces.”

“Yeah, fucking pieces spilled everywhere. It’s looking like the puzzles we used to play when we were younger, huh? Does that ring any bell?” She giggles.

It was hard for him to read her, he didn’t know what he felt either. 

He stayed at the hospital three months straight holding her hand as her colors were fading. He remembers vividly how difficult it was for her to breath, speak, even keeping her eyes open was a huge sacrifice. But she’d never compromised to keep them shut as he told her to, his face gave him the strength of an army, as she used to say. And that had him laugh, even though now he doesn’t remember the last time something as close as a laugh came out his throat.

“Don’t get fucking lost in memories, Thomas. Just ask for it.” 

She poured some liquor into her glass and slowly slid it to Tommy as if anticipating him telling her he didn’t want it.

He watched her moves with amusement, it was odd to him to find her here, but even more peculiar was the fact it seems like she knew him still. Like those ten years that separated them weren’t there, like there wasn’t a day they didn’t think about the other fondly. Her gaze didn’t leave his, and he knew exactly where her mind was because his own was at the same place. She was getting all the information she could to try to match his now tired face with the one she had been picturing in her head all those years.

“Okay then.” he nodded. “ Where have you been?” 

A smile appeared at the corner of his lips, they were playing a game he couldn’t only play with her, she was the one girl before France, everyone got their advantages.

“Fucking dying of being alive after I got strunk by some miracle.” She raised a brow as if to voice the displeasure of missing the boat.

“I thought you were dead.”

“I wish I was, Tommy.”

He let out a long sigh. Once again he failed at keeping a light atmosphere. It was to be said she wasn’t any help.

That’s when he realized no matter how it felt like they were still the same teenagers, back in 1914 before everybody got fucked up, no matter how hard the memories were hitting him this exact same instant with their first kiss, their first touch and the first time they exchanged their desire to live a life together, they were not the same. Nothing was.

She was only a mere shadow of herself, and he? He couldn’t even look at her in the eyes for more than five minutes, too afraid it would dig out things that must be kept where they were nowhere to be found for his own sake.

Every little thing about before France hurt him. Even the happy throwbacks, especially the happy throwbacks. Knowing he would never feel those feelings again, never get silly about the breeze meeting with his skin or the rising of the sun at the top of a hill killed him most. That’s why he didn’t want to ask more about what happened to her. But at the same time, the questions came naturally to him, as if he waited all along to throw them out, taking off his chest a weight he never realized to initially be there.

“Have you done better after I left?”

“I did. For a time. Some years, in fact, even though my parents sent me to a nunnery to thank God for his mercy.”

He snorted at her words.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me? They were always about keeping you saint, even asked me to fucking give up on taking you running in the fields to watch the night sky until sun rised, they never thought it could be the other way around, you leading me.”

She laughed at this thought.

“Don’t you dare say this as if you disliked me being the lead, Tommy Shelby.” She sneered.

“No, I indeed liked it.” He shook his head without hesitation.

“If only they knew what we did, in those nights.” They both spoke, their voice overlapping along with their minds.

“Tommy you got to follow me, or else we’ll be too late.”

“Let me catch a breath, we got all the time to come up the hill some other nights.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s tonight the fireballs are going to be running in the sky!”

“You aware it’s not called “fireball” and that they are not ‘running’ in the sky?”

The girl stuck her tongue out, turning to him, her eyes mechanically squinted at the move. She did not realize he was right behind her and faked all along still behind at the feet of the hill to annoy her. His body strongly collided with her, making her stagger but Tommy’s arms locked her waist firmly, avoiding her body from meeting the ground, and his lips dropped on her mouth in a second, she couldn’t even close her eyes during the kiss.

“Stop it!” Her suave voice worded as one of her hands went hitting his chest, even if her deepest desire was for him not to let go of her lips.

“I’m thinking about that one night we first fucked. Bodies wet both by sweat and dew“ She muttered.

He was sitting but naked on the grass, his fingers intertwined in her hair that was falling at her back as holding her tightly. She was the type of flowers you thought were beautiful but couldn’t help but rip off the ground, dooming them to die in your hands. 

Her legs were strongly wrapped around his hips, she was carefully grounding down on him, making sure every of her moves were slow to make the pleasure last. She turned loose the grip of her arms around his neck and leaned backward so he’d hit her from another angle, this one allowing him to reach the bottom.

Her screams filled his ears and soon enough his mouth as she straightened back up, seeking his eyes, wanting to connect even more. The darkness he ignited in her eyes that night never left, always leading him to always want her, even in the most inappropriate places.

“I was thinking about that time at the local church.” He admitted.

“Every-fucking-body heard the screams--” She proudly stated.

“The priest was more than disturb” He added. “But they never found out who that was.” 

“Well, we know.” She handed him her cigarette. He gladly took it and smoked as much as he could, clouding his lungs as well as his mind.

She giggled some more, shaking her head both sides, she couldn’t believe they did such a thing, but knowing as mad they were when together, it was all figured out.

“It came back, Tommy.”

“What did?” He gained his serious tone back, eyes locking with hers.

“The disease, they say it’s even more violent this time, but I know it just never left. It has been lurking in the dark to come back when I’ll be happy again. But seeing I figured out its plan, it decided it was time to finish me off.” She sang. Her voice was devoid of any sadness, and he noticed it. “I think it’s a curse, Tommy. Run in our blood. Me grandma’ had that too, it passed a generation, leaving my mother and little sister alone. But I fear for the others.”

Old reflexes leading the way, Tommy’s hand fondled hers in the most natural way. He leaned forward to her as she took off his lips her cigarette, filling her lungs with that poison in hope it would kill the one that resided in her since way too long.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Still Like the Letters in Your Name and How They Feel, Babe | Five Hargreeves

✦ pairing — Five Hargreeves x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 3.4k

✦ modern AU

✦ loosely based on the song Still Feel Like Your Man by John Mayer.

✦ summary — you get snowed in with your ex-boyfriend.

✦ warnings — angst, mentions of alcohol, language, fluff, dry humping.

✦ author’s note — the lovely @ohdangitsjay wanted me to write dry humping with Five for kinktober but the slot was taken already so I decided to add some of it here.

════════════════════════

Parties weren’t Five’s thing, much less work parties. He would have skipped the event if he hadn’t gotten a promotion less than four months ago.

He always sat on his own, not interested in his coworkers’ lives. He knew more than he needed already, not only because of their loose tongues but because they were open books.

He would’ve rather been at his place, alone like he had been spending his time for the past months.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to get close to you.”

Five lifted his head out of courtesy, he had recognized his coworker’s voice immediately. She was pretty, he could admit that, but he had read her intentions months ago and he wasn’t interested. “Mmhmm. I know.”

“I’d like to get to know you.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

He felt buzzing in his pants and he didn’t know whether to thank whoever was calling or kill them for bothering him now. Lifting a hand so the woman in front of him wouldn’t speak furthermore, he withdrew his cellphone from his pocket.

Vanya’s photo almost blinded him. He cursed — he hadn’t lowered the screen brightness like a fucking idiot.

Excusing himself, he pushed his way out of the venue. Letting the phone ring in his grasp, allowing himself to take in a deep breath of fresh air, he stood under the cold night.

Vanya insisted which confused him, she always knew when to stop bothering him. And that night, even his coworker insisted. He shook his head as he saw her walk out of the venue, wrapped in her coat.

Taking the call just to avoid her, he grunted, “What?” He pinched the bridge of his nose as Vanya explained that she needed him to pick you up from a bar. Thinking the worst, he exhaled, “I’ll be there in ten.”

“Leaving so soon?”

“Not soon enough, it seems.” He dropped his phone in his coat this time. His coworker’s expression of hurt didn’t faze him, but he still explained himself, “Look, you’re not the problem, it’s just that I know your intentions and I’m taken.”

Five had never wished a lie he had told was true until now. He wasn’t taken anymore, but he was still yours, at least he felt like that. He’d never find another you, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to start looking either.

Tugging his car open, he withdrew his cellphone from his coat and slid into the driver seat. Five introduced the key into the clutch, yet he didn’t ignite the engine.

He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, considering the option of turning his phone off and coming up with an excuse days later. But he didn’t have it in him, not this time when he had a chance to see you — so many days after the morning you left.

The quicker he got it over with, the quicker he would be able to drown himself in alcohol to pretend it hadn’t happened.

His sister was already waiting for him near the entrance of the bar. Vanya turned her head to the side. Five followed the movement with his eyes and ultimately you came into vision. Only you would wear a dress in this weather, always claiming you never got cold.

He knew it wasn’t true, but you were stubborn. His siblings often said he wouldn’t have been so smitten if you weren’t as stubborn and they were right, he liked the challenge. And although he would never admit this out loud, he liked giving in to your stubbornness. He missed it.

You hadn’t realized he was there, head on your friend’s shoulder as they all talked. He could tell how drunk you were just by the lazy position of your hand on your lap.

“Why can’t you take her home?”

“No, God, no! You misunderstood what I said, Five. I need you to take her with you.”

Five gave his sister an incredulous look, hoping she was joking. When he realized Vanya was serious, he shook his head. “You know she hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you. Besides, she’s drunk out of her mind, she might hug you instead of breaking your nose.”

He glared at her. Although his nose was more than fine, that punch hurt.

“Please? For me? I haven’t spent enough time with Sissy in weeks.”

“Too much information, Vanya!” he chastised, shaking his head as he walked past his sister.

It bordered on cruel, having you so close and knowing you would’ve been against it if you knew he was there.

Vanya placed a hand on his shoulder, not reassuring whatsoever as he defeatedly sighed. Only the two of you could convince him to do anything, and his sister still used it to her advantage.

He stood before you and your friends. Chatter died, you didn’t react. His eyes crossed your closest friend’s after Vanya, and as she nodded downward he understood that everybody thought you would be safer with him.

“Come on, (Name),” he said softly, hoping you wouldn’t make a scene.

You turned your head to the side, facing him. His breath faltered. Frowning, you just stared, mind too hazy to come up with a question to blurt even though a few crossed it.

How was work? Did Grace like the jacket you got for her? Are we going home soon?

He nudged his head to the side, signaling toward the exit. “Come on, you’ve got things to do tomorrow.”

Your friends tensed at his comment, but he didn’t think much of the gesture.

Sissy handed him your coat, watching him carefully. Five held the coat for you to slide your arms in, and out of habit helped you to fold it close and button it up.

You interlocked your arm with his, head lulling toward his shoulder. Vanya shoved your purse into his chest, prompting him to hold it in his hand as he gave her a final nod in goodbye.

════════════════════════

You woke up in an all too familiar room. Absolutely nothing had changed, the walls were the same blue walls you had stared at for hours as you waited for someone who cared more about their job than their girlfriend to get back from work.

By the looks of it, Five had been so busy that he didn't even have time to get rid of things you had gifted him. They were in the place they had been the last time you visited him — books stacked up, music records leaned against the other... the painting you had helped him choose still hung over his desk.

“Ah, you’re awake." His voice made you jump. "Coffee? An aspirin?”

You shuffled, pushing the duvet off your body in order to leave the bed. “Why am I here?”

The cold floor made you shiver. You searched for your shoes, looking down as you inwardly cursed yourself for wearing a dress when Vanya told you not to.

“You don’t remember going out last night? Vanya called me.” He tilted his head as he asked, frowning.

“Yes,” you deadpanned, slipping your shoes on before lifting your head to look at him. “But why didn’t you take me home?”

He winced. “Well, Vanya needed the apartment to herself.”

Dragging your eyes off him, not able to look at his face for too long, you whined, ”Unbelievable! She ditched me to get some pussy!”

Realizing your purse had been on the bed all this time, you popped it open and withdrew your phone. You looked at the time and your eyes widened. “Fuck, fuck. I’ll be late!”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Your gaze snapped in his direction. He looked so serious that it made your blood boil. “Excuse me? Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?”

He groaned. “We’re snowed in, idiot.”

“No, no, no... this can’t be happening. Not to me. Not today.” You stood by the window and peered out. He hadn’t lied, the streets were covered in white as snow, which was still falling, piled up. You would’ve found the scenery gorgeous if you weren’t so stressed. “FUCK!”

Only you had such bad luck... getting snowed in with your ex-boyfriend today from all days.

“I’m sure your mom will understand,” he tried to assure you.

In any other instance you would’ve found it sweet that he remembered you visited your mom every Saturday, or that he was trying to comfort you.

You corrected him, “I have a date today.”

“Oh.”

Unlocking your cellphone, you scrolled down your contact list. Your finger hovered over the call button. What would you say? ‘Hey, I’m sorry I can’t meet up with you today, I’m stuck in my ex-boyfriend’s apartment’?

Seeing your exasperation as you went through your phone, he painfully said, “Don’t be dramatic, your date must understand you can’t control the weather.”

“We had been putting this off for a while,” you confided him like you used to when he was your best friend, back when he hadn’t broken your heart yet and he still had time for you. “He’s so nice and sweet... “ you trailed off before sighing, “I was hoping not to ruin it.”

“Why didn’t Vanya call him if he’s so sweet?” he asked, voice laced with venom. He was challenging you to lie to him.

Honestly, you answered, “I’m guessing she doesn’t trust him.”

A shiver ran through you, prompting you to rub your arms.

Five walked toward his closet and opened the doors. “You left some clothes here, I’m sure you can find something in case you want to take a shower or get changed... ah! Your red sweatshirt is in the laundry room.”

Unable to keep it in, you shrieked, “You lent my clothes to other people?!”

“Don’t be stupid,” he said, no malice in his tone, “I wore it myself.” Turning around, finding it hard to read your expression, he blurted, “Once.”

You did find something to wear, and for the second time that day, you felt as though nothing had changed. Nothing made more sense than having a space for your own clothes in his closet.

You entrenched yourself in the bathroom as soon as possible. Being around him was worse than you ever anticipated, you wanted to be angry and hostile yet you were too emotionally exhausted for that.

Failed interpersonal relationships were your norm. The day you met Vanya you felt as though you were having a friend for the first time; then Five came around and became your best friend, your confidant. Having him around used to be easy, even when you developed feelings for him.

The day you left him was one of the hardest days of your life. You didn’t cry, only numbness enveloped you in a tight grip — a grip you had gotten free from a little too late.

Your friends tried introducing you to people multiple times, but it never worked. It wasn’t because of Five, not entirely, you simply weren’t good with new people. And you missed Five, but that was different.

Missing him had become an afterthought, work kept you busy in the same stupid way it kept him. Guilt never took over you, why would it when you hadn’t neglected anyone because of your job? In fact, you were sure you would get over him soon when work became your priority.

Until a few minutes ago, the illusion had been good. What a sweet lie you told yourself for weeks and weeks.

You regretted entering the shower the second you turned around to grab some shampoo. Tears prickled your eyes the moment they fell on a familiar bottle. It didn’t have any marks of use, not a single gram dripped down the bottle, dry product was nowhere to be seen around the cap.

You confirmed that the bottle was brand new when you tested its weight in your grasp. A sob escaped you. Why would he keep your favorite shampoo in his shower?

You couldn’t bring yourself to use it, so instead, you grabbed Five’s shampoo and squeezed some onto your palm.

After a tear-ridden shower, you quickly got dressed and stood behind the door for a prolonged moment.

A heavy silence greeted you as you stepped into the living room. You had expected the sound of fingers against a keyboard or page flipping, but instead, you found Five slouched over his stomach with a piece of red fabric on his lap.

Feeling your presence, he murmured, “Here.” Five offered you the sweatshirt which you took hesitantly.

“I don’t use that shampoo anymore,” you blurted before you could process the words your entire being was desperate for him to hear.

He hummed, avoiding your face at every cost as he stared past you. He really needed to decorate the living room, at least a little bit. “You found a better one?”

“No,” you mumbled. Sliding the sweatshirt on, you waited for him to say something. Five didn’t, he stayed in the same position until you sat down beside him.

As he twisted his body to face you and his eyes landed on your face, you were able to see he had been crying too.

“What did your date say?” he asked, ever the masochist one.

You shrugged. “I haven’t texted him.”

“You should at least call your mom. Tell her you’re safe.”

Nodding slowly, you then turned your face to the other side. He didn’t mean anything more than exactly what he said and yet your heart thumped in your chest at a rhythm you had forgotten it was able to beat.

“She misses you. The whole family does.”

“Tell them I miss them too. Please.”

You sniffed, bolting off the couch. Walking into his bedroom, you tried to ignore the strong smell of his cologne as you blindly palmed the bed in search of your phone.

“Are you okay?”

Tears didn’t allow you to see him properly, but you could tell he was leaning on the doorway.

“I don’t want to talk about anything,” you warned him, scared a fight would ensue if you spoke your mind. “My head hurts.”

You heard him move around the room, opening and closing a drawer. Then you felt him close, so close his breath fanned on the side of your face as he spoke, “It’s paracetamol, it’ll be gentler with your stomach.”

Blinking the tears away, you faced him — this time fully. Opening your palm, you waited for him to drop the pill onto it. Five looked down, softly placing the white circle on your palm.

Closing your fist around the pill, you threw your arms all over his neck. Taken by surprise, he felt his hands tremble as he placed them on your lower back.

Nothing extraordinary happened, and you loved it. He was just as warm as you remembered, and you were as comfortable in his arms this time as you had been before.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, careful not to move you too harshly as he pulled you onto his chest, “so, so, so sorry. You can’t even imagine how stupid I feel.”

“Shhh, it’s fine.”

“We both know it isn’t.”

“Don’t wanna talk,” you reminded him.

So he hugged you tighter. And once again, it felt like nothing had changed — because nothing had, because the idea of moving on was nice on paper and nothing more.

“I’m pretty sure the pill melted in my hand...”

He snorted, begrudgingly parting from you. “I’ll get you some water and another one.”

You stared at your reflection in the mirror as you washed your hands and immediately splashed water onto your face. It was cold, but that was exactly what you were looking for in attempts to make your face less puffy after all that crying.

Five watched you in silence, ready to give you the pill and the glass.

Drying your hands, you thanked him and then proceeded to take the glass from his hand.

“Don’t go out with him,” Five pleaded, unable to keep it in for longer. “I don’t deserve it, but please give me a second chance.”

You glared at him as you snatched the pill from his open palm. Instead of giving him an answer, you swallowed the pill.

He took this as a sign that you needed more convincing. “I promise I’ll spend every second of my free time with you.”

You lowered the glass before you could take another sip of water, scoffing as you walked toward the window once again. “Oh, come on, Five, I never asked for that. I just wanted you to put some effort.”

“I’ll do that, then. Anything.”

“Can you really do that?”

“Yes.”

You nodded, placing the glass down onto the bedside table. You were always so eager to believe in him... you could only hope this time your heart didn’t end up in tiny pieces. “It’s obvious that I don’t need much convincing.”

“That’s fine by me.” Five shrugged, looking down at his hands.

You grabbed his hands, making him look at you. He intertwined your fingers with his, biting his bottom lip as you lifted your eyebrows.

He huffed a laugh upon realizing you were waiting for him to kiss you and for a millisecond considered teasing you, but you knew him so well that you had seen through his nervous demeanor.

Leaning in, he stared into your eyes in search for permission. You tilted your head, brushing your nose with his, fanning your breath on his lips. Five’s mouth met yours in the middle, slowly at the beginning.

You let go of his hands, snaking your arms around his neck to bring him closer. His hands found home on your waist, just as he picked up his pace.

As a moan slid past your lips, he slipped his tongue in your mouth. Five moved one of his hands to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss.

Breathless, you were forced to barely push him away. You stared at his red lips as you gasped for air, ragged breath mingling with his own.

And then his lips were on yours again. The hand on the back of your head fell to your spine as he walked you backward. Five laid you on the bed, careful not to hurt you yet never taking his lips off yours.

Pressing kisses on the side of your neck, he roughly grabbed your hips, making you moan as his hard-on was pressed against your crotch.

Your hips worked against his in sync, so naturally that you still had half a mind to wonder how the fuck you had lasted this long without him all over you.

Five’s groans grew deliciously deep as his hands trailed down to massage your thighs. His mouth sucked on your neck as he pulled you flush against him.

You inwardly thanked whichever God existed for the cold weather. Not only did Five look amazing in sweatpants, but the soft material allowed you to feel the outline of his hard cock even through your leggings as he humped you.

“Would really love to fuck you,” you panted, “but there’s no way I’m taking my clothes off right now. I’m freezing!“

He laughed against your skin. One of his hands left your thigh and he tugged on the covers, draping them over both of you, covering yourselves from head to toes.

Five continued to kiss your neck, still moving his hips against yours albeit more slowly.

“I missed you,” he spoke before you could mutter a teasing comment about how desperate he was for you.

You played with the small hairs on the back of his head, humming as you rocked up against him. “I missed you too. But don’t let it get to your head.”

“Too late,” he said cheekily, letting his weight fall on top of you as he leaned into your touch.

You relaxed against the mattress as his warmth combined with the shielding covers seeped through you. Five slipped an arm under your head, fingers brushing your neck as his other hand came up to softly grip your face.

You hummed in acknowledgment, knowing he wanted to say something.

“We didn’t call your mom.”

You breathed out a small laugh. “I wasn’t supposed to see her today, don’t worry.”

He tensed over you, frowning as he processed what you had just said. Deciding to ignore the fact that you were probably planning to hook up with your date, Five slowly lowered his head so it would rest on your chest.

It didn’t matter what you had planned to do when you were there under him. He was still your man, he had felt as such ever since the day you met — and he wouldn’t fuck it up a second time.

[alice-in-wonderart]

Your writing is wonderful! I’m so happy I found your blog 😊 Could I request some nsfw hc’s for lan xichen, jin guangyao and nie huaisang? Like would they rather take care of s/o or be taken care of, who initiates first, etc. Thank you!

I'm sorry for the long wait, sweetie! It really took a while to get to the spice, but worry not, it's here to make our lives a little more interesting. Let the degenerates in us run wild~ P.S. I GET TO WRITE ABOUT JGY AND NHS CJSJXJS YAY I LOVE 'EM BOTH SM. ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕

Lan Xichen

Lan Xichen seems to be the sweeter, more mellow of the Twin Jades, but don't let that fool you. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing through and through. Behind that sweet smile there is an absolute beast. Part of the Lan genes, ig.

While sex isn't exactly the first thing on his mind, he's had his moments of weakness. But when you came into his life, it was a whole other story. Suddenly, he'd feel MUCH too drawn to you, his mind would occasionally wander to you, or rather - what you'd look like, underneath him, spread out on the silks of his bed, moaning his name, as he -

Gosh, he shouldn't be thinking about this in public.

"Everyday is everyday" doesn't exactly describe the humble Zewu-jun's tendencies, but he isn't any less feral. Intimacy with Lan Xichen is like fine wine - the longer the wait, the better the taste. And with his duty as sect leader, said intimacy would less often than any of you would want.

The moment you two are alone and neither is dead tired, he'd make sure to at least hint at what he desires. He'd leave heated kisses along your skin, run his fingers along your thighs, gently sliding under the fabric of your clothes. It would be pretty obvious what message he'd try to get across.

He'd usually prefer to be on top, since pleasuring you would be his number one priority. Besides, having you completely unravel underneath him would give him a sense of completion, of victory. He wouldn't be opposed to tying you up too.

He'd let you take the reigns occsionally, because of one single reason - watching you ride him is a sight he absolutely adores. The idea of you chasing your own orgasm, trying your very best to keep your balance, nails digging into his chest. Just thinking about it makes him harder than a rock.

And gosh, wrap his headband around your neck, or bite down on it and he'd lose his mind. After all - this is the highest form of intimacy, a sight for his eyes alone. You belonged to him, the way he belonged to you. (fking sap)

He may not be the most experimental per se, but he compensates with a dick worth millions and the stamina of an ancient beast. And it wouldn't take much to rile him up for more. He could easily go a few rounds and then some. He'd tire you out to a point of nearly passing out, before breaking a sweat. So much training really pays off.

Don't fuck with a Lan. Actually....fuck a Lan. Totally worth it.

His aftercare would be so sweet. He'd run both of you a nice bath to enjoy, or if it's too late and you're both tired out, he'd snuggle with you, playing with your hair, whispering how much he utterly adores you, before gradually falling asleep.

Jin Guangyao

Jin Guangyao has a specific air of gentle nobility to him, which often leads people to think he's more on the vanilla side of love-making. But boy, oh boy are they all so terribly wrong.

The boy has lived in a brothel. He's seen the difference between love-making and fucking, and he's mastered both. Sex with him is always a game of guessing, an endless array of surprises. One moment he will be kissing along your neck, gently whispering in your ear, the next he will be pounding into you mercilessly, deep and hard, until your legs go numb and you won't be able to walk for days.

He loves to be dominant and absolutely loves the thought of having you at his mercy. No, you're neither a toy, nor a possession, but he'd absolutely want to mark you up as his territory. He'd just do it in places which aren't visible to the public eye. You have dignity after all.

He'd also lowkey enjoy causing you mild pain. He wouldn't go too far, but the occasional slap on the ass, a bitemark turning blue, roughing up your insides, choking, the occasional rope, or even knife. He never goes full blown dom, but say you need him more than anything, that you miss him stretching you out and you're getting addicted to the pleasure and the pain, and he'd be on you in 5 seconds flat.

Speaking of biting, that's a kink he's more than open to admit. He adores leaving marks on that soft skin of yours. He doesn't care if you hide them, as long as you're aware they're there.

The more he trusts you, the more he'd initiate. He has a reputation to keep up, so becoming part of his private life would be difficult. Keep in mind, you have a lot of walls to climb over to get to him, but once you do - my gosh. You two are in bed ready to sleep? One look and you aready know it's gonna be a rough night. You're taking a shower? He's totally going to join and would make sure you help him clean up very thoroughly. Walking down one of the many vacant corridors in Koi Tower? He'd push you against the wall, spread your legs and make you see stars.

His movements are always carefully calculated, too. With that big brain of his he'd memorize each and every sensitive part of your body and use it to his advantage. He'd tease you to a point of begging and then deny your release until you're seconds away from breaking.

The aftercare is utterly phenomenal. He cares about you deeply, so he'd make sure you're feeling your best after one of your many sleepless nights. He'd clean you up, gently caressing any bitemark he's left, whispering sweet nothings in your ears, then dress you up in the finest silk, and depending on the time - either snuggle up with you to fall asleep, or make you some tea and fetch the two of you some breakfast. Who cares he's psychotic when he's literal perfection.

Nie Huaisang

Nie Huaisang is totally demonic and we all know it. Sex is definitely not a new subject for him. After all he owns enough porn to cover half of the Unclean Realm's grounds. And believe me, he's learned quite a bit from it. Though all the porn in the world can't satisfy his needs, thankfully you're there to lend a helping hand.

He's a 100% switch and he owns it. Sometimes he wants to roll around in bed, bratty and needly like a total pillow prince, letting you take him however you like. Other times, he'd spend hours slowly peeling off your clothes, long fingers working wonders between your legs, teasing you and exploring your body, him permanently burning his name onto your heart.

He is pretty experimental, there isn't much he wouldn't be willing to try, but if he doesn't like something, he'll never do it again, periodt. Love-making to him is a form of art and he loves exploring it to its fullest.

Teasing you in public is one of his specialties. Hidden, risqué touches, heated stares behind intricate fans, dirty promises mumbled into the skin of your neck, robes riding up or slipping off, your or his alike. Likewise, doing it in public, or more so - in a close enough vicinity, wouldn't be uncommon either. Quickies are his specialty. He can get you off nearly everywhere and he takes great pride in that. He loves the effect he has on you and how both of you seem a little more disheveled afterwards.

His biggest turn on is oral. He could spend hours buried between your legs, drowning in your desire, making you come so many times you lose sense of reality. That mouth definitely ain't just for talking. And god, does he like it messy. He loves it when you pull on his hair, thrust into his mouth, or squirm from the over-sensitivity. He loves having to pin you down and pull you towards him. He loves feeling your legs on his shoulders, he loves it all so much, he could come from that alone.

And similarly, get on your knees to suck him off and he will turn into absolute putty in your arms. He'll start off all cocky, of course. We're talking about Nie Huaisang after all. "Oh? You want a taste of me that badly? Well who am I to refuse..." But that attitude of his would fade the moment your lips wrap around him. With fingers tangled in your hair and shaky moans escaping his lips, he'd be at your mercy. Deny his release a few times and he might even beg. Might.

Of course, it never just ends with oral, unless there is absolutely no time left for more. Though even then, he'd make some time. Why work, when you have a lover to please.

Nie Huaisang ALWAYS gets hungry afterwards. So, he'd often go and bring the two of you a third of a feast to munch on. You know the cliché, where you light a cigarette after a good lovemaking? He gets food. Any kind of food. And everybody knows, that if Sect Leader Nie barges in with half a ton of food in his arms, chances are, you won't appear until much, MUCH later, a rosy pink on your cheeks and that tell tale gloss in your eyes.

Thank you for reading~

[clonecest-bin-account]

300 followers bingo - Fox/Wolffe | Pirates AU

(Oof this came out way longer than I thought, you’ll soon see why. Hope you like it!)

As Fox and the rest of his troops inspect the site of the wreckage, the only thing he finds are dead men. Whatever has caused the Dread Wolf to finally sink must’ve done a pretty good job at it.

He can’t help but to think that it’s a shame, despite the fact that the Dread Wolf, and especially its captain, have been a thorn to his side for years, hindering the commerce with their incursions. King Palpatine had even declared by law that any act of piracy will be punishable by death, but that never stopped the crew of the Dread Wolf.

Still, Fox won’t lie and say that he never enjoyed the thrill of the chase, that sometimes he even looked forward to the Dread Wolf’s incursions, so he’d get his chance to duel the only man who he could ever consider his rival.

And now…

 That lucky son of a whore.

 The man Fox has just found on the shore it’s the same man that he was talking about: here he is - alive and breathing - the master of the Dread Wolfe, captain Wolffe himself - Fox has always wondered which name came first, the ship’s of the captain’s.

How he’s still alive, this Fox doesn’t know, but in the end, it’s not like it matters: now that he’s found him, he will arrest him, and then he’ll be sentenced to death. Either that, or he’ll rot in prison if the king feels merciful - if that can be either considered a mercy.

It’s his duty to take him in custody, to make him pay for his crime… and yet, Fox still hasn’t moved a muscle.

He can’t, he just can’t…

 What’s stopping him from fulfilling his duty?

It’s his damn honor, that’s what it is: last time they’ve met, he and his crew had ambushed the ship Fox was in, but he let Fox go despite the fact that he could’ve easily taken him down, only taking the goods the ship was transporting before leaving.

He could’ve easily killed him, but he didn’t, and now Fox can’t bring himself to apprehend him like he’s supposed to do.

… Damn it all!

 Before he can be joined by the rest of the royal guard, he takes Wolffe’s unconscious body and drags him behind a group of rocks so that he’ll be hidden, then he goes back to the site of the wreckage, deleting every trace of something being dragged to safety.

Thankfully, both for Wolffe and himself because, if someone finds out, Fox will be hanged for betrayal, he manages to do it before everybody else arrives.

“Found anything?” Thorn, his second in command, asks him.

“Nothing of interest,” Fox replies. “Just other wrecks of the ship.” He truly hopes that Thorn will not see behind his lies; out of everyone, he’s the person who knows him the most.

Thorn nods, thoughtful. “Yeah… Most men must’ve drowned. It’ll take some time before all of them wash up to the shore, if the fish don’t eat them first.”

Fox frowns at the image, but he supposes that Thorn is correct, which makes it plausible that they wouldn’t see Wolffe’s body. And Fox didn’t even need to advance that hypothesis himself, so he’ll look less suspicious for it.

At that point he sighs, gaze moving from the wreckage to Thorn. “If we’re done here, let’s move out. The sun’s setting, we’ll get back tomorrow morning.”

At those words, they all snap to attention. “Yessir!”

 --

Once he can take advantage of the cover of the night, Fox comes back to the site of the wreckage, thinking about how dead he is at each step. He shouldn’t be doing this, and yet here he is.

He finds Wolffe still unconscious, which does worry a bit, but he’s well aware that he can’t exactly bring him to a doctor, so all he can do is to find him a secure place where he can rest, and hopefully get well. If he needs to, he can bring him medicine… Wait, why is he thinking so far ahead? And also, why should he even buy stuff for him? Isn’t it enough that he’s giving him shelter?

Oh well, he can think about this later. Now he needs to take him somewhere safe, which, he regrets to admit, could be only one location: his house.

 “Jesus how much do you weigh?” he mutters under his breath as he drapes one of Wolffe’s arms around his shoulders so that he can pull him up and drag him to what will be his temporary hideout.

The more he keeps going, the less he feels this is worth it, but he’s gone too far to stop now. He’s taken a decision and he’ll go along with it until the bitter end.

  --

When Wolffe wakes up, the first thing that comes to mind is how much everything hurts. He doesn’t remember going into a drunken blender the previous day, so that can’t be it…

In a flash, he remembers everything: the storm, their desperate attempts to stir the ship… the wreckage.

He jolts up, or well he would’ve done it if one of his wrists wasn’t bound to the headboard of the bed he somehow finds himself laid upon. Panicked, he raises his gaze to observe what is keeping him there; it’s a simple handcuff, but he knows by the looks of it that he can’t smash it, not without some dull object.

And yet, despite the knowledge, his mind is too fuzzy with panic for him to act accordingly; he tugs on the handcuff, then he tries again, and again, but to no avail.

He begins looking around for something he can use, when a weight presses against his shoulders, forcing him down. “Don’t. Move.”

 You can imagine his surprise when he sees that the man over him is Fox, commander of the king’s guard himself.

At that, he tries to shake him off, to free himself even harder than he was doing before, which ends up with Fox reacting by pinning him down by the wrists. “For fuck’s sake, Wolffe, I’m trying to help you here!”

“And how exactly are you helping me?” Wolffe growls back. “Looks like you took me prisoner!”

“Yeah, because I didn’t know what you would’ve done when you woke up!” Fox retorts. “I wasn’t going to leave you unguarded and alone…”

Silence falls between the two, tense at first, but then Wolffe - and consequently Fox - begins to relax, until Fox speaks again. “I found you in the midst of what remained of your ship, and since you spared me once, I’m returning the favor. If you promise me you’re not going to make a mess, I’m going to uncuff you.”

 Oh.

This is unexpected. Did Fox really do it?

No, it’s impossible, he must be lying!

… Right?

 And yet, for some reason, he finds himself inclined to believe him, because he knows that, unlike many of his companions, Fox keeps his word. It’s one of the reasons why he enjoys dueling with him and why he respects him despite the fact that he’s the king’s dog.

Despite everything, he nods, then. “I promise,” he tells Fox, intending not to betray his trust. If it’s true that he saved him, it’s the least he can do.

Fox looks at him for a moment, probably pondering if he should trust him or not, but in the end he decides to free him, so he slowly goes to unlock the handcuff that is keeping Wolffe to his bed with the key he was keeping in his pocket.

Once he’s free, Wolffe pushes him off, but otherwise he doesn’t seem to do anything else except sit and massage his sore wrist. Just how long has he been like this? He’s afraid to ask.

 Silence falls between them, even as Fox sits beside him. In normal circumstances, they would have nothing to do with each other, so it makes sense that they wouldn’t be exactly inclined to talk to each other, and yet, Wolffe has to ask…

“Was there any other survivor?”

Fox sighs. He was expecting this question. “Not that I know of,” he replies, then, figuring that for this kind of stuff, sugarcoating it would’ve been useless.

Wolffe lowers his gaze as a heavy silence settles between them. He looks so miserable but unwilling to show it that Fox almost feels the urge to try to reassure him, but he doesn’t, knowing that no matter what he says, it wouldn’t make it all better like some kind of magic.

Eventually, the atmosphere is so heavy that Fox can’t stomach staying there anymore. “I-I’m going to bring you something to eat,” he mutters. “Stay here.”

With that, he gets up and leaves the room, towards the kitchen. Watching the state Wolffe is in now makes him wonder if it wouldn’t have been more merciful to just kill him, but it’s not like he can go back on his decision now; it’s way too late for that.

  --

With time Wolffe’s body begins to heal, and he finds himself with more and more energy. The same can’t be said about his mind, however, not when this all still feels like a nightmare to him.

Did he really lose all his men? No, it can’t be, and yet he knows that Fox is not lying - what reason would he have to do that when he’s gone all the way to rescue him and not send him to prison immediately?

What should he do, now? What even is he anymore? A captain without neither a ship, nor a crew.

Why did he even survive? Why did Fox take pity on him?

He should’ve just let him die…

  --

Fox is… surprisingly cordial to him.

At first Wolffe found it weird, unnatural even - they’re supposed to be enemies, not this - and yet he can’t help but to be appreciative of the effort Fox is doing not to antagonize him, just as much as Wolffe tries to do the same, knowing that if he crosses him, he risks losing this safe harbor.

Once he heals more, he’s even allowed to explore Fox’s house, though of course he’s confined to his room whenever the commander has guests; it’s in their best interest that he remains hidden.

He still thinks Fox is a fucking dog, but… he’s not so bad, after all.

 Living in such close quarters has made him discover parts of him that he wouldn’t even have known about otherwise, like that he hates sweets except from honeyed stuff, that he’s very particular about what to wear - he has to appear perfect always - and that he has a secret soft spot for cats - he must’ve forgotten that Wolffe was inside when he took a weak stray inside to feed him and then let it go outside once it was strong enough to move again.

He supposes that Fox has found out some things about him as well, like the fact that he snores in his sleep, something that he complains about quite often, that he likes meat and that he’s unexpectedly good at flower arrangement, demonstrated when Fox didn’t know what to do for the guard’s doctor’s birthday; he suggested he could give her a bouquet that she could keep in her study, and even helped him arrange some flowers.

“Where did you learn?” Fox asks, dumbfounded by this. It makes him wonder why he didn’t open a flowers shop instead of becoming a pirate; at least he would’ve had an honest work.

“That’s a secret,” Wolffe replies, winking.

 They both freeze, at that. Did Wolffe just…

This easy camaraderie shouldn’t be possible between them, and yet here they are, acting like a pair of friends.

It’s weird, just… yes, weird.

Maybe they shouldn’t get so close to each other.

  --

Fox has lost count of how many nights he’s spent without being able to fall asleep because of Wolffe.

To be fair, he can’t exactly blame him for something that, after all, isn’t in his control, but this nightmare business hurts both of them.

He should do something about it, but what? He’s no expert in this matter, and he doubts he has what it gets to calm him down.

 A sigh escapes his lips as he gets up from his bed.

Before he can change his mind, he makes it to the guest room.

 He finds Wolffe twisting and turning in his bed without any hope of stopping soon.

Fox’s gaze is sad as he looks at him. If he lost his entire battalion, would he be the same? Would he be able to pull through? He doesn’t know…

He’s always had the feeling that Wolffe was pretty close to his crew, definitely closer than he is with the king’s guard, but it would still hurt, even though not as much.

 He almost reaches for Wolffe, before having a last minute hesitation; they say that you shouldn’t wake up people who are having a nightmare, so shouldn’t he just let it pass? But he feels bad not doing anything!

In the end he decides to put an end to his suffering, and he shakes him.

He was expecting Wolffe to jolt awake in a violent manner, but he wasn’t expecting him to actually attack him, though in hindsight he should’ve known this was going to happen - he would’ve probably done the same. Wolffe punches him, then he even tries to choke him, but Fox grabs his hands, keeping him still.

“Wolffe…” he says, voice weirdly soft, as he tries his best to keep the other at bay. “It’s me… Wolffe… Stop!”

At that, Wolffe freezes and let’s Fox go. “Fox…”

“It’s fine,” Fox hurries to say, trying to be reassuring. “It’s fine…”

 He doesn’t know how it happens exactly - he must’ve been so shocked that he barely registered it - but here they are with Wolffe held in Fox’s arms as he sobs quietly - or at least he tries to do it - while Fox caresses his hair in a silent attempt to bring him some comfort. He’d say something, but first of all he’s afraid of ruining things by running his mouth and potentially saying something that would turn out to be the wrong thing, secondly, he doesn’t even know what to say.

Saying something like “it’s fine” feels disingenuous at best, outright insulting at worst. No, it’s not fine, and who knows if it’ll ever be; he won’t lie to Wolffe like that, so he just keeps holding it, wondering if there even is a point to this, if this is actually helping.

 He wasn’t expecting Wolffe to drag him down for a kiss.

These last few weeks have been full of stuff he wasn’t expecting, but this has to take the cake. Most unexpected of all, though, it’s the fact that he finds himself returning the kiss, that when Wolffe falls down on the bed, taking him with him, he goes along without batting an eye.

He feels his hands on his body and he doesn’t push him away, doesn’t try to stop him. Actually, he welcomes every move.

Weirdly enough, he feels like he’s been waiting for this to happen, but he has not, hasn’t he?

  --

It’s not the first night they spend like this. After the first, it’s like something has changed inside them, a burning desire for the other that can be hardly satisfied.

In a way it’s not that different from when they’d constantly seek each other out in battle, only that now their duels are of a very different kind.

 With this, however, a feeling of dread keeps hanging over Fox’s shoulders: he’s aware of what would happen to him - and Wolffe too - if they get caught, and the more Wolffe stays with him, the more likely it’s to happen.

Eventually, he’ll have to let him go, and Wolffe, well, he’ll go back to what he used to do, he supposes. If he managed to make a name for himself out there, he can do it again - besides, it’s not like he doesn’t have allies in the pirating business that would surely help him out.

Despite this, however, he finds himself unwilling to let Wolffe leave. For once, he wants to be selfish…

  --

Things change on one night, a night that Fox has no intention of spending at home. He has too much to think about, and feels the need for some fresh air.

Besides, it’s been a while since he let himself be seen outside beside his duties; he wouldn’t want people to think that something’s up…

It’s weird, in a way, being so far from Wolffe…

 Eh, look at him. Some shitty king’s guard he makes.

 Before he has the time to react, he’s pulled into a dark alleyway, showed against the wall by two men that, on a more attentive exam, are two people that Fox didn’t even think were alive: Wolffe’s right-hand men, Boost and Sinker.

“Good evening, Foxie…” Sinker greets him with a grin, using the nickname that he knows makes Fox growl in fury, which in fact he does. He hates being called like that.

Boost, on the other hand, doesn’t share Sinker’s playful behavior. “Tell us where you’re keeping Wolffe locked up and we might not gut you like the dog you are,” he growls, pushing a knife against Fox’s throat, though Fox looks unimpressed.

“Very classy, like always,” he replies in fact, but that’s not all he has to say, even though he doubts it’ll help. “And, for your information, Wolffe is with me, and not locked in a cell.”

Boost and Sinker look at each other, and Fox knows already that this is going to be a looooong night.

  --

Somehow he’s convinced them to come with him and see with their eyes, though they’re still wary of him, enough that, if he makes the wrong move, they’re going to gut him. It’s fair, he would do the same in their situation, he supposes.

He can’t lie: he’s surprised to see that there have been other survivors, considering what they have found. It makes him wonder how exactly they managed to hide from them, but when he tried to ask they shut him down immediately. It’s fine, he doesn’t care about it that much - liar and hypocrite.

 At least Wolffe will be happy to see them…

  --

Just as he thought, as soon as Wolffe sees Sinker and Boost with Fox, he runs towards them, just like the other two as soon as they see their captain alive and well. They meet halfway, almost colliding into each other for the excessive speed.

“I can’t believe it…” Wolffe mutters, drawing the two into a tight hug. “You’re alive!”

“We are!” Sinker tearfully replies. “And you! You are…!”

“So he wasn’t lying after all,” Boost mutters, turning towards Fox, who sagely doesn’t say anything despite how much he wants to retort to that, since he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. Actually, maybe he should leave, let them have a moment.

Before he can do that, though, he hears Wolffe scold Boost. “Don’t say that! He… He helped me quite a lot. He saved me, in fact.”

 Yes, they’re all surprised at that admission, even Fox, despite the fact that he’s gotten used to the idea that yes, he did save him. Still, it’s weird to hear it directly from Wolffe’s ears.

“I… I should go. Give you some time alone,” he’s able to mutter, before retreating to the kitchen.

 Coward…

  --

When he hears the sounds of steps, he pokes out to see Boost and Sinker on their way to the main door.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“None of your business,” Boost states, and after that, he walks out of Fox’s room, leaving Sinker lingering on the exit, but he still hasn’t moved.

He looks at Fox and he seems… hesitant, for some reason?

“Hey,” he begins, “… Thank you, for saving Wolffe.”

Fox’s old instincts push to retort that he hasn’t done it for them, but what would that accomplish? Nothing at all. If anything, it would be detrimental.

“It’s nothing…” he mutters, barely loud enough to be understood. Sinker looks at him, expression hard to read, then he leaves as well.

  --

He doesn’t go to Wolffe immediately, afraid of what he’d see in him once he lays his gaze upon him: the happiness he must be feeling for having found some of his old crewmates and… the desire to leave.

Here he is again, being a selfish fuck. He shouldn’t be like this, and he knows that eventually he will have to let him go - he can’t continue this charade forever, and it’s important for both their lives that Wolffe leaves - but he can’t deny that it will hurt having to do that.

To think that that feared day might come soon…

 He shakes his head, trying to get a hold of himself.

In the end, he got attached to Wolffe, something that he shouldn’t have done, something that is dangerous.

A sigh escapes his lips. Well, it’s not like he can do anything about it now, can’t he?

  --

When he goes to Wolffe, he does indeed look the happiest Fox has seen him since he’s saved him.

When Fox steps into the bedroom, he finds him sitting on his bed, but as soon as Wolffe notices his presence he walks up to him and he kisses him with a fervor that he never used before. Fox, although surprised by such an initiative, especially now, can only submit to the attentions, and so doesn’t object when Wolffe walks him to the bed and pushes him onto him, following suit.

He keeps him close and he kisses him and kisses him and kisses him and takes him until Fox feels like he’s drowning, but eh, if he has to be honest, this wouldn’t be a bad way to go…

  --

“So… Are you leaving?” Fox asks. He’s waited until he and Wolffe were done, and what better way to ask than now, while they’re both still recovering lying one beside the other? Sure, he might sour the mood, but Fox needs to know.

“… Yes,” Wolffe replies, suspiciously cautious. Is he hiding something?

There are many things Fox would like to say, so many that it creates such a mess in his mind that he just nods without actually uttering a thing. He has much to think about after all.

Apparently, Wolffe is of the same vein, because he keeps quiet as well. It’s like all the enthusiasm from before has vanished, leaving space to quiet contemplation.

Fox would do anything to know what he’s thinking about; he could ask, but he feels like if he does, he’d only make Wolffe less willing to share. No, he’s got to wait, admitting that Wolffe will share the conclusions he’ll reach after this moment.

 He’s lucky, because soon, after a long sigh that doesn’t preannounce anything good, he turns toward Fox, a determined and serious look in his eyes.

“Come with me.”

Fox, taken off guard by such a request, can only reply with a “Where?” before mentally slapping himself. As if it’s not obvious where he wants him to go. “I can’t,” he quickly adds then, shaking his head.

“Why?” Wolffe asks.

Fox doesn’t know what to say; wouldn’t it be too easy to just leave his life behind, and for what even, exactly? No, he can’t do it, no matter how much he’d want to. “I…”

 He wants to leave.

The realization hits him like a punch in the gut.

This is his life, what he worked hard to obtain. He has friends, here, people he cares about… and yet, he wants to leave them all behind.

He can’t deny how tired he’s got of everything. The kingdom’s falling into pieces and he seems to be the only one who has noticed it. Is this why he wants to leave?

Yes, but also not entirely: these weeks spent with Wolffe have been special for Fox. He’s never felt more alive than in the company of the same man who’s lying down with him, at his side.

To be able to leave with him… It would be a dream…

 “What’s stopping you?”

 Fear, Fox realizes. Fear is what’s stopping him.

Leaving with Wolffe would be such a drastic change from his usual life that he can’t help but to feel paralyzed at the prospect. How could he even get used to it? And if he regrets the change?

On the other hand, however, wouldn’t he regret not leaving? Wouldn’t he regret not following Wolffe? Yes, he would.

He can’t lie: he feels a certain thrill at the idea of living a criminal life with his beloved, but could it really become more than just a fantasy? Could they make it work?

 He wants to make it work.

Yes, Fox wants this to work, he wants to be free and happy with Wolffe, and that won’t happen until they leave.

 He takes Wolffe’s face between his hands and he kisses him, then he kisses him again and again, but when they pull away, he seems to be talking more to himself than to the other.

“Yes… Nothing’s stopping me.” He can leave if he wants - and he wants it. Nothing’s stopping him…

He looks back at Wolffe and every shadow of doubt is gone from his face. If he lets this occasion slip through his fingers, he’ll never forgive himself, he knows it.

Wolffe looks at him expectantly. “So that means…”

“Yes,” Fox says, “let’s do it.”

  --

If you told Fox that one day he was going to find himself running away from the kingdom he’s served since he has memory, following his archnemesis turned lover, he would’ve laughed at you and then thrown you into jail. Funny how some things change, huh?

Here he is now, looking at his house one last time, before leaving it - and his previous life - forever behind.

There’s still some space - a very tiny one - for doubt in his head, but he’s made up his mind: he’s going to live his life to the fullest, and in order to do that, he needs to leave. Wolffe will surely show him a new side of life that he didn’t even know existed, Fox is certain of it.

 He turns around, looking at Wolffe, who’s standing behind him, waiting for him to say goodbye to his old life.

When he notices Fox’s gaze on him, he sends him an interrogative gaze. “Ready?” he asks.

Fox stays silent. He walks up to Wolffe, taking his hand once he’s close enough and raising it to his lips, kissing his knuckles.

“Yes, let’s leave this place.”

 He’s made up his mind, and nothing can stop him.

[violetwolfraven]

Hi uhh i request some ikeshot:D with “well ,   hello  sleeping  beauty .   you  fell  asleep  on  me ..” and “i’m  sorry  to  wake  you  up ,   but  i  really  need  someone  to  talk  to .” take your time btw. I know how hard it is to write when mental illness and school is constantly kicking your butt. Love you lots bro!!

Ily too Rai! Let’s do some soft canon era bois, taking place a little over a year after the strike. I haven’t written anything from Hotshot’s perspective yet, so I’ll try that for this!

Tw: non-graphic stab wound, teenagers mentioning sex the way teenagers do, implied period-typical homophobia.

...

Hotshot wasn’t the kind of idealistic kid to believe in magic, or fairytales. He knew ‘happily ever after’ didn’t exist in real life and pretending these things ever really happened was just setting yourself up for disappointment.

But looking at the boy dozing on his chest might make him think twice.

And that scared the hell out of him.

Ike had entered his life by mistake and stayed there out of spite, and Hotshot didn’t by any means want him gone, but it did scare him how much that Manhattan boy had changed things.

Before, he’d always had this anger burning at his insides, always ready to jump out and hurt someone. More than once, it had hurt someone. Hotshot had hurt a lot of people. Spot had even had to stop him from killing someone once, and even after the lecture on how killing was never worth it if you can avoid it, never, it hadn’t really sunk in how the other Brooklyn kids were prone to violence, too, but not as much as him.

He’d never known how to explain that if he didn’t hurt other people, the hurt inside him never stopped even for a second. Fights were the only kind of distraction that worked, and consciously Hotshot had known how that mentality wasn’t sustainable, but been too dependent on it to stop.

But Ike... that annoying little shit was a different kind of fight, in some ways. He was probably the only one besides Spot that wasn’t even a little scared of Hotshot, and never had been. He liked to start stupid little arguments for no reason and altogether give Hotshot grief, but he’d back off if a topic was too sensitive. Talking to him relieved pressure, somehow. Gave that burning feeling somewhere to escape, but without hurting anyone.

Hotshot ended up in fights a lot less lately. The Littles were less wary about sneaking up on him. In general, his relationships with his friends were... better might be the wrong word, because things weren’t bad before, but the others were definitely less careful around him now, no longer seeming afraid he’d soak them for something stupid.

The fact that all that was because of Ike, it was... a little daunting. There was something magic about that. There was something magic about him.

It had hit Hotshot like a steam engine to the chest months ago that he was pretty sure he was in love with this boy, but he felt it in moments like this. The kind of softness of just taking advantage of an empty Lodging House to just share warmth and be close to one another.

The kind of softness that Hotshot had never experienced before, because he’d never really experienced love before.

It scared him a little that he didn’t know what love felt like, but he’d been calling what he felt for Ike ‘love’ in his head because it felt like what the other kids said love was like on the rare occasion they talked about that stuff.

He and Ike had never talked about it, and...

And Hotshot felt a sudden jolt of panic at how they probably should, because of why they even were in the Lodging House alone together today.

It was because Brooklyn had (of course) gotten in a territory dispute, and they’d had a rumble over it last night, and even though the deal had been that neither side would use weapons, Hotshot had somehow gotten stabbed in the side. No one would fess up, so neither side was sure by who.

The wound wasn’t especially deep, but it had bled a lot. It was bad enough that Spot had made Joey watch all the Littles to make sure none of them came in and saw it. If he didn’t know any better, Hotshot could have sworn their fearless leader was actually, legitimately scared for him.

He was fine now, they were pretty sure. Or, fine enough that he wasn’t bleeding anymore and it only hurt a little if he didn’t move too much.

But according to Vince’s grim statement earlier, all the older kids had thought he was going to die that night.

Which was why Spot had sent someone over to get Ike, knowing Hotshot would listen and actually stay in bed if it was him asking.

They were in the king’s private room, though Hotshot wasn’t sure how Spot had known the privacy might be a safe bet. He and Ike definitely hung out a lot, kind of flirted, cuddled sometimes, and whenever the Manhattan boy slept over, he slept in Hotshot’s bed, but they’d never actually done anything. They’d never had a talk about what they were, let alone Hotshot having told Spot about whatever it was.

That was what was making him so anxious now; the thought that they’d never talked about it. It had taken him until now to process the fact that he’d almost died last night, and it was really freaking him out that that had almost happened before...

Well, before a lot of things. Hotshot was only 15. There was shit he wanted to do. But the one he was thinking about right now was how he really needed to ask Ike exactly what their relationship was.

He felt warm and looked peaceful, where he was curled up against Hotshot’s left side to avoid the stab wound in his right. His head on his chest, making sure he stayed down and didn’t try to go selling.

As much as it pained him to disturb the peace on Ike’s face, Hotshot shook him awake.

He stirred immediately, and that sleepy expression caused a bloom of warmth in Hotshot’s heart.

“What? What happened?”

“Well, hello, sleeping beauty,” he joked, unable to stop himself from smiling, “You fell asleep on me. Welcome back to the land of the conscious.”

“Right,” Ike propped himself up with his elbow, “We was talkin’ ‘bout... what were we talkin’ ‘bout again? How long was I out?”

“A while.”

“Shit. You weren’t too bored without me to talk to, were ya?”

“Nah, I was fine,” Hotshot assured him, “I can survive a couple hours without ya, believe it or not.”

Ike chuckled, “Coulda fooled me.”

His voice wasn’t quite light as his fingers brushed along the bandage over Hotshot’s stab wound.

Now or never. He needed to get up the courage to bring this up right now or he’d end up waiting God knew how long.

“I’m sorry to wake you up,” Hotshot blurted, “But I really need someone to talk to. I need to talk to you. You specifically.”

Ike looked slightly worried, but nodded, “Okay, what is it?”

Do it now. Just ask him. Stop stalling.

“What am I to you?” he asked cautiously, “Like, as in with you and me. What are we?”

Ike clearly hadn’t been expecting that question, because he froze up for a second before trying to fake nonchalance.

He shrugged, “What do you wanna be?”

This was the kind of fight Hotshot wasn’t good at. The kind where both of them were dancing around what they actually wanted to say, fighting only not to be hurt.

Screw it. He just needed to say it.

“Lovers?” he internally groaned at how uncertain it sounded, “Sweethearts. Dammit—whatever word ya wanna use, I... I like you a lot, Ike. I wanna be with you.”

“Yeah... it feels weird, callin’ it either of those things,” Ike admitted, “But I want... that, too. The whole bein’ together thing. You.”

He was blushing, and he looked like something out of a fairytale in the sunlight from the window above them.

He was definitely making Hotshot think twice about not believing in magic.

“Uh, good,” he stammered, realizing he should probably stop staring and say something, “Good to know we want the same thing. I just asked cause we ain’t ever talked ‘bout what we are before and I figured it was better to know. ‘Specially since I think Spot thinks we’re fucking.”

Ike laughed nervously, “I think Race thinks that, too. He gives me weird looks when we run into each other over here. But yeah, you’re right. It’s better to know.”

He laid back down, putting his head back on Hotshot’s chest.

Hotshot kind of hoped he couldn’t hear how it made his heart race.

“Finch says he got his name cause he shot a live finch out of his slingshot once. I don’t believe him.”

Hotshot laughed aloud, and tried not to wince too much at how his stab wound twinged.

“I heard ‘bout that. It’s actually true. Spot keeps tabs on all the newsies worth knowin’ ‘bout, and Finch is one of the few of you Manhattan boys that might actually be a threat in a fight.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lyin’.”

“Not about Spot knowin’ shit ‘bout everybody, but there’s no way Finch shot a fuckin’ bird out of his slingshot.”

“I’m tellin’ ya he did.”

“Did not.”

Hotshot grinned. This kind of petty, pointless argument to pass the time was part of why he was pretty sure he loved this boy.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

One Hell of a Ride

Poe Dameron x Reader

Words: 2772

Summary: As a self-proclaimed tech-nerd, the reader rarely ever leaves base. After catching the eye of the star-boy pilot Poe Dameron, her world goes for a spin. 

Notes: Haven’t done a fluffy Star Wars piece in a while, so here we go. (Also, totally just made up the interior of a TIE fighter for the cuteness factor, so please don’t come after me.)

Star Wars Masterlist

-

You watched the codes zoom across the screen as you typed. Your eyes had grown used to the brightness of the screens, but they were beginning to droop from exhaustion. You took off your headset and saved the program, heading to the cantina for a midnight snack before heading back to your quarters. 

Even this late at night, the cantina was packed with rebels returning from missions or about to leave for one, not knowing if they’ll come back. Many of them wouldn’t. After all, you were one of the people in charge of documenting the Resistance’s losses, so you knew the numbers. These thoughts of death made you crave a drink to wash them away. You took a seat at the bar. While the coding rooms were blasted with air conditioning 24/7, the cantina was hot and sticky. You took off your sweater, revealing the tan colored tank top underneath. 

“Is that… a tattoo?” A voice guffawed from behind you, you quickly tried to cover the mark between your shoulder blades with your hand, but it was too out of reach. Poe Dameron smirked at you, examining the geometric lines that surrounded the curved half-moon. In the middle of the tattoo, was an X-Wing. “I have to admit, I didn’t really think you were the type.” Your face turned bright red. Poe Dameron was speaking to you. The best pilot in the Resistance knew that you existed. 

“It’s, uh, it’s for my mom.” You explained, taking a gulp of your liquor for courage. “She was a pilot in the days of the Empire.” 

“I know.” Poe chuckled. “Kestrel Baymoth, right?” You nodded, slightly surprised. 

“How did you know that?” 

“I make it my business to know about the great pilots of the Rebellion.” He shrugged. He motioned to the barstool next to you. “Is this seat taken?” Another gulp of liquor. 

“No, feel free.” Your shoulders tensed, trying not to stare at the way his black curls fell perfectly on his forehead, or the way his stubble speckled across his sculpted jaw. So you kept your eyes on your glass.

“You seem uncomfortable.” Poe raised a brow. “Did I say something?” 

“No,” You said a little too fast. You took a deep breath and laughed nervously. “I just didn’t know you knew I existed.” You pointed your finger between the two of you. 

“Why would I not know you exist?” He just laughed, leaning on his elbow, fingers running through that gorgeous black hair. Don’t stare, Y/N. 

“You’re pretty much legendary as a pilot.” You scoffed. “You’re one of General Organa’s right-hand men and you’ve got a reputation as quite the playboy.” He put his hand on his chest in mock-offense. “I’m not anything like that. I’m just a tech… nerd? Hell, I don’t even know what I am.” The Resistance was short-staffed when it came to tech workers so you did a lot of things. You kept records, you sorted through encoded messages, and you were pretty handy when it came to hacking. 

“Well I definitely wouldn’t say I’m legendary,” Poe ordered a drink for himself and another one for you. “As for you, you guys keep this place running!” He exclaimed. “Not everybody recognizes, but you can’t hide behind those screens forever. I see you.” His gaze was intense and you felt your face turn red again. His face broke into a giant grin. “Enough with this seriousness. Cheers” He held up his glass and you clinked them together. “I came over here for a reason.” 

“And what is that?” You tried to be suave and take a sip of the drink, but you ended up swallowing wrong and erupted into a fit of coughs. Nice. Poe’s smile just widened with amusement and he actually put a hand on your back and rubbed it gently until you stopped coughing. 

“I came over here because I wanted to buy you a drink.” Which he had. “And to see if you wanted to go someplace a little quieter-” You gave him a look and he held up his hands innocently, “Like go for a walk around base! Get your head out of the gutter, Y/L/N!” You snickered and you realized that you were a little tipsy. 

“I’d have to check my schedule.” You winked. Who are you and what have you done with me? You weren’t flirty. Especially not with Poe-Hot-Damn-Dameron. You paused, pretending to think about your availability, before going on. “I guess a little walk wouldn’t hurt.” You swung your feet around the barstool and stood up on only slightly wobbly legs. Okay, maybe you weren’t great at holding your alcohol. 

“You sure?” Poe offered a hand to help stable you, but you gave him a cocky smirk. 

“Only if you could keep up, Flyboy.” 

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” Poe chuckled to himself, watching you bounce out of the cantina. 

The night air was a little brisk, but you’d left your sweater at the bar and the buzz of the drinks kept you warm enough to forget about it. 

“I’m not usually like this, you know.” You pointed out with a drunken giggle. “Usually, I’m all nerdy and afraid to talk to people. I’m kind of a hermit.” Please, drunk self, just stop talking. You were so going to regret this later. 

“I don’t think you’re a hermit,” Poe smirked, keeping a close, yet gentlemanly distance. “And don’t say nerdy like it’s a bad thing.”

“And how would you say it, Mr. Fly-With-My-Eyes-Closed?” 

“First of all, I’ve actually done that,” He couldn’t help but laugh, “And secondly, I would say that being nerdy is pretty damn cute. Especially when it’s a certain coder with a secret X-wing tattoo.” The little wink he gave you almost sobered you up right there. But the new, bubbly drunk you persisted through. 

“Sweet talker, aren’t you?” You teased, bumping his shoulder with your own. He shrugged with that smug smile on his face. 

“I try.” The cool wind picked up and goosebumps appeared on your arms. Poe shrugged out of his leather jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders. “Here.” The butterflies already flying around your stomach doubled in size. The material was warm, almost hot, against your skin. 

You walked most of the way without saying anything else. It was an oddly comfortable silence. Like you were a pair of old friends enjoying each other’s company. Things started to get a little fuzzy and suddenly you were outside the door to your personal quarters. 

“Thanks for the drink.” You leaned against the door frame. Don’t do it. Don’t you fucking do it. “Do you want to, um, come inside?” Your attempt at being seductive was truly cringe-worthy. But Poe just gave you a small smile, taking a deep breath. 

“Maybe some other time.” Even though he’d been crushing on you for a couple weeks now, he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. He knew that if it were really you talking and not the alcohol, you would be mortified. He couldn’t help but feel guilty as your face fell, turning an embarrassed pink. 

“I’ll see you later.” You said hurriedly, fumbling the handle of your door. 

“Key card.” He reminded you. Now your face was really red. 

“Goodnight.” You muttered, the sober voice in your head saying I told you so as you disappeared inside. 

-

Man, you really were a lightweight. Your head was pounding and you groaned at the sight of the leather jacket laying on the back of your chair. 

“Fuuuuuuck.” You would have to return it. Which means you would have to see him. You would probably have to speak to him. Would the torment never end? You shuffled down to the mess for breakfast, later than usual since you spent the morning nursing your headache. When it subsided, you realized how hungry you were. 

You sat by yourself, like usual. Your fellow tech nerds were just as antisocial as you, so it’s not like there was some special bond between any of you. Not in the way that the pilots had. Even in the early hours, they rambunctiously gathered together, laughing and shouting. You avoided looking at them in fear of seeing him. A chorus of little beeps surprised you and you turned to see Poe’s droid, BB-8 rolling towards your table. He was balancing a small note on his head and he nudged you until you took it. 

Let me make it up to you. Meet me at the airfield at noon. You shook your head, earning a nudge from BB-8.

“I can’t do it. Not after the humiliation of last night.” You exclaimed, but the droid just gave you a disapproving beep. You just couldn’t say no. “Alright, I’ll be there.” BB-8 squealed excitedly and rushed off to find Poe. If you were lucky, maybe you’d get hit by a falling starfighter before you got there. 

-

Poe waited anxiously by the ship, wondering if Y/N was actually going to show. He wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t wrong when she said he had a reputation with the ladies. But there was something about her that made his skin feel electric. He’d first noticed you when you were giving General Organa a report on some kind of First Order software. You were quiet but cute, and you had this glimmer in your eye. Like your heart was wanting for something but your head just kept holding you back. Maybe he was just imagining it. After all, it had been twenty minutes since he said to meet and he was sure that he’d been stood up. 

“Sorry I’m late, there was a problem with one of the systems and the guy in charge is an idiot.” You brushed a rebellious hair out of your face, sounding flustered. Poe smiled. 

“Not a problem. I was just starting to think you wouldn’t show.” 

“So was I.” You admitted. You took a deep breath. “Look, about last night, I don’t know what came over me- I mean, I know what happened- but I really shouldn't have acted like that, sober or not.” 

“Believe me, I have been there.” He laughed. “Never get into a drunk fight with a Mon Calamari.” You felt those butterflies again when he smiled at you and you almost forgot the object in your hand. 

“Oh, this is yours.” You handed him his jacket, cursing the blush that you knew colored your cheeks. “Thanks, by the way. For being the adult last night.” 

“You’re being too hard on yourself, really.” He insisted, moving around to the side of the ship. 

“Is that… a  TIE fighter?” You asked, examining the ship’s exterior. 

“Yeah, I may or may not have stolen it a couple years back. Took out the tracker, obviously.” Poe shrugged like it was no big deal before giving you a literal smolder. “I was thinking we could take it for a spin?”

“A what?” 

“I was wondering if you would want to go out for a ride?” It didn’t seem like a difficult question, but this wasn’t just any regular date Poe was asking you on. Hell, maybe you didn’t even realize that’s what this was. You shook your head frantically. 

“No no no no no no no.” Backing away from the ship, you wanted to curl up in the control room and never come out again. 

“Why not?” Poe exclaimed, unable to hide the laugh from his voice. 

“Last time I was on a ship was when we moved to D’Qar and I had my eyes closed the entire time.” Why would you tell him that? Now sober you was getting mad at sober you. 

“Then it’s the perfect date!” He walked to you, grabbing your hands. Did he just say date? “Come on, I promise it’ll be fun.” His big brown eyes were begging you not to say now. His lips even pouted slightly. 

“Is it safe?”

“Like you said, I could fly with my eyes closed.” He winked and pulled you back to the fighter. “I know what I’m doing… for the most part.” You gave him a look. “I'm kidding, I’m kidding! Please.” There was just something about those eyes, that hair, those lips that made it impossible to say no. 

“Alright.” 

His smile looked like it would burst as he helped you onto the ramp so you could get inside. Once you were both situated, you realized how much the ship controls reminded you of a computer. Just instead of keys, there were buttons and levers. You strapped in as tightly as possible, trying not to hyperventilate as Poe started to turn everything on. 

“Ready?” Even though you were facing opposite directions, you could practically feel his smirk. You gulped. 

“As I’ll ever be.” 

Slowly, the ship started to rise off of the ground and you could feel your heart pounding against your ribs. Don’t you dare throw up. Your hands gripped the sides of your seat and you felt a warm hand rub your arm soothingly as Poe reached back behind him. 

“It’ll be a little bumpy as we leave the atmosphere, but I’ll be here the whole time, okay?” The ship jerked a little as the speed picked up. Pretty soon you were zooming through the air and you felt your stomach do flips, probably squishing all the butterflies inside it. “Once we get out in the stars, it’s all worth it.” 

Man, was he right. As soon as the atmosphere broke away, you gawked at the endless sight of stars. Was this how your mom felt every time she flew? The thought brought tears to your eyes. Somehow, this guy- this extremely handsome man- had brought you closer to your mom on your first date. It’s official. He’s a keeper. 

“You okay if I do some tricks?” Poe asked that sense of cockiness in his voice. Feeling more at ease you agreed. He started out simple, a turn here, a flip there. Then he found an asteroid field where he could really show off. “Whatever you do, don’t resist the urge to scream.” He dove into the asteroids, dodging and turning at all the right times. You got used to the feeling in your gut and started to think that it was actually kind of fun. It wasn’t until you were headed straight for one of the giant rocks that your logical side kicked back in. 

“Uh, Poe?” You said nervously as it grew bigger and closer. You heard him fiddle with the controls. 

“Now don’t panic.” He sighed. “But the steering is jammed.”

“What!” 

“It’ll be fine, just give me a second.” His motions were fast and calculated, but you still only seemed to be moving faster towards your impending death. When it seemed like you were a goner, you let out a scream that could shatter all of the monitors in the control room. Poe pulled up just in time and you were once again soaring back to safety. 

When you came back down to D’Qar you were almost sad that the flight was over. Poe helped you out, his hands lingering on your waist. 

“So, what did I tell you?” He cocked a brow. 

“Okay, it was fun.” You admitted. “Maybe next time you could let me drive.” Please never ever let me drive. Poe raised both brows. 

“Next time?” He smirked. “Did I make that good of an impression?” You shrugged. 

“I mean, you showed me the stars. I don’t think a first date can get better than that.” You bit your lip as his eyes gazed at you with a look no one had ever given you before. Complete and utter admiration. “Besides, you did save our asses with that asteroid.” He closed his eyes, sucking a breath through his teeth. 

“Yeah, about that…” 

“The controls weren’t stuck!” You exclaimed. He shook his head and laughed. 

“Total bullshit.” He fully wrapped his arms around your waist and you ran yours through those perfect black locks. “But it was pretty hot though, right?” You giggled. 

“Definitely.” You pulled him forward so that your lips met. You would forget every code, lose every hack, forfeit all of your technology if it meant that this kiss could last forever. When Poe pulled back, he was beaming like he’d just won the whole galaxy. 

“You know, I was wrong about nerdy being cute.” He began, a roguish grin spreading across his face. “It is so sexy.” This time, he leaned in, deepening the kiss. The Flyboy and The Nerd. Who knew?

[365days365movies]

January 20, 2021: Taken (2008)

Well, I know one thing about this movie. He’s gonna find ‘em. And he’s gonna kill ‘em. And also, Luc Besson didn’t direct this movie! Yeah, my bad, he wrote this movie. But, then, he also wrote Leon, so I wasn’t entirely wrong. Anyway, 2008!

I remember this year well. Obama was elected the first Black president of the United States of America; the Olympics took place in Beijing, months after a massive earthquake in Sichuan; the Large Hadron Collider was totally gonna make a black hole; and, of course, the most important news event of that year: Iron Man and The Dark Knight came out.

And of course, the film Taken came out, creating what is arguably the most repeated film meme ever. Or, at the very least, it’s WAY up there. It’s a 12-year old meme at this point, but lemme tell ya: this thing was HUGE in 2008. Not the movie itself, just the meme. And I could lie and tell you that I’m watching this movie because it’s another French action thriller, and it’s fitting, but…

...it’s the meme. It’s 100% the meme, I’m not gonna lie to you guys. So, uh...yeah, Taken, let’s do this. SPOILERS AHEAD!

Recap

Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) is dreaming of his daughter and wife. In the modern day, he brings a birthday gift to his daughter, Kim (Maggie Grace), and his bitter ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen), who is married to a very wealthy man, Stuart (Xander Berkeley). Bryan, meanwhile, is a recent and comparatively poor retiree, whose friends come over for a night of drinks.

Retiree from what, you ask? Well, it’s likely the CIA, given that his friends refer to military missions and Langley. They invite him to join security detail for a pop star, Sheerah (Holly Valance), In the process, he saves her from crazed fans, including a knife-wielding assailant. Not sure why that guy wants to LITERALLY STAB HER, but somebody needs to look into that guy!

Out of gratitude, Sheerah gives Bryan some references to give to his daughter, who wants to be a singer, apparently. However, when he sees her and Lenore the next day, all she wants from him is permission to go on a trip to Paris with her friends. When he shows his doubts for her safety, she’s upset, and his wife berates him for...government and military service? I mean, that stuff breaks up marriages, of course, but GODDAMN, Lenore’s bitter about it! Whoof.

Bryan’s definitely being made to be sympathetic, while Lenore’s the opposite of that. And Bryan’s understandably worried about his daughter’s safety, as she’ll be abroad. And we get the idea that Bryan’s a bit of a helicopter parent, but...c’mon! He’s underage daughter is asking to go to Paris with her friends! It’s cause for a parent to be worried, and yet Lenore is like, “She needs to be freeeeeeeeeee!” And that’s made even WORSE by the fact that both of them lie to Bryan, a father who clearly loves his daughter, because she’s actually following U2 on a music tour around Europe!

Which...really? U2? Who the hell can stand that much Bono, for their ENTIRE EUROPEAN TOUR? Anyway, what I’m saying is, Lenore sucks, and I’m not Kim’s biggest fan either. But I get the feeling that, given the one thing I know about this movie...Bryan’s gonna be proven right. So Kim and her friend, Amanda (Katie Cassidy) go to Europe, alone, despite Bryan’s understandable misgivings. 

They IMMEDIATELY get hit on by Peter, a French boy who gives them a ride. He invites them to a party, Amanda accepts for them, and this is OBVIOUSLY A BAD IDEA. That’s even further confirmed by Peter making a mysterious call, telling the other person about the girls’ location. Kim doesn’t call Bryan, as promised, and Amanda is clearly a TERRIBLE influence. Looks like Bryan was completely right to be concerned, if his daughter’s gonna be so irresponsible. Oh, also because they’re about to get kidnapped.

Luckily, Kim had called Bryan just before, after realizing that he had called her, and he guides her through the upcoming kidnapping. With his help, although she gets kidnapped, Bryan is able to figure out that the kidnappers are Albanian, and that one of them is a six-foot tall bearded man with a moon and star tattoo on his right hand DAMN THAT’S OBSERVANT. But still...she’s been Taken.

Someone picks up the phone...and he says the speech.

Had to do it, folks. It’s the most iconic scene in the film. Time for action! Bryan calls a friend with Langley connections, then goes straight to Lenore and Stuart’s place, who find out that BRYAN WAS FUCKING RIGHT GODDAMMIT HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW 

 Having COMPLETELY FUCKED UP, Lenore asks Bryan to get her back safely. They actually figure out that the men who kidnapped her are professional sex-traffickers, who specialize in kidnapping travelling women and putting them in prostitution. But they tend to disappear...within 96 Hours. That’s how long Bryan has to find her, as well as being an alternate title for this film!

The time limit, by the way, is a common construct for the action-thriller. You know, “she has 12 hours to live,” that kind of deal. Thrillers are going to be peppered throughout this year, and there are a few coming up as well, so might as well start with this one, right?

Bryan flies to Paris, then makes his way to the apartment, tracing Kim’s steps up to her kidnapping. He also finds her destroyed phone, alongside an SD card with photos. From this, he gets a blurry look at Peter. I get the feeling that his face isn’t about to look much better. Speaking of, Peter’s playing his old tricks at the airport, and is caught by Bryan. Painfully caught. After Bryan fights off another guy, and chases Peter up a road, Peter also gets caught by karma.

80 hours left. Having exhausted options, Bryan meets an old contact, Jean-Claude (Olivier Rabourdin), who tells him where the Albanians hang out. He hires an Albanian translator, then heads for a prostitute-heavy area. He harrangues a prostitute until her manager comes out, whom he puts a small microphone on. With the translator’s help, he discovers that they’re having “merchandise problems” at a construction site. 

Following a hunch, he makes his way there, and sees several drug-addicted young women in a makeshift brothel. Also there is his daughter’s jacket. The prostitute that has it, however, is not exactly cognitively sound at the moment. So...she’s Taken. By Bryan, who fights his way out of the brothel and construction site, with gunshots, explosions, and car chases along the way.

Bryan brings the girl back to a hotel, where he somehow gets ahold of an IV and medicine, and detoxes her in the room. Which, given the time frame and other factors...seems like a very large risk to take for testimony that, let’s be honest, right not exist. Still, as this is happening, he gets a call from Jean-Claude, asking to meet.

56 hours left. After 7 people dead, a destroyed trailer, and 3 people injured (and probably stolen medicine from a hospital, let’s be honest), Bryan isn’t exactly the best friend of the French government. He escapes police custody and heads back to the hotel, where the girl is cogent enough to remember where she got the jacket: from Kim herself, at the house with the red door on the road of paradise. No, really.

Bryan gets to the house, and poses as Jean-Claude...badly. He apparently passes his bluff check, and takes advantage of a corrupt police system, and makes them give him protection money. Over the course of the conversation, he figures out that one of them is Marco. Which means that he found him. And he said that when he found him…

After that spree is done, he searches the facility and looks for Kim. He doesn’t find her...but he does find Amanda. And sadly, he’s too late for her. Turns out, though, that he didn’t kill Marko (Arben Bajraktaraj), the leader of the group. And of course not! He has some questions.

Bryan tortures Marko using electricity, and he reveals that Kim’s been sold quickly, as she is a virgin. She’s been sold to Patrice Saint-Clair (Gerard Watkins), although Marko doesn’t know where he is. And so, Bryan fulfills his promise, and electrocutes him. He then makes his way to meet Jean-Claude at his home. And, uh...that’s when he crosses a line.

...Um. Bryan shot his wife. And yeah, Jean-Claude’s clearly not on the up-and-up, but he’s not directly complicit in the kidnapping of his daughter. And yeah, he’s in Bryan’s way, but JESUS CHRIST DUDE. He officially loses the moral high-ground here for me, even if his cause is just. Jean-Claude concedes, and Bryan gets the information that he’s looking for and leaves, knocking Jean-Claude out in the process.

Bryan goes to the Saint-Clair residence, where an auction is taking place for various young women. The last of these is, of course, Kim. Having barged into a booth of one of the buyers, he forces him to buy Kim (ew). Unfortunately, he’s caught and chained to a pipe, where Saint-Clair’s henchmen are about to kill him. But, of course...

Bryan escapes and kills Saint-Clair in the process, but not before finding out that Kim’s been Taken to a boat. He obtains a car, and after a length (and seizure-inducing) car chase, gets onto the boat, which is owned by the Sheik, a man of unknown Arabic origin. And yeah, in case you were wondering, this feels very...VERY...wrong. It’s brief, yeah, but...you gave a rich Arabic guy multiple wives obtained through illegal means and made them the main villain? FUCKIN’ OOF BRUV

Anyway, as expected, Bryan kicks the asses of everybody on the boat, and finally rescues Kim, killing the Sheik in the process. The two have a tearful embrace, and Bryan NEVER LETS HER OUT OF HIS SIGHT AGAIN PROBABLY. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT BONO. THIS IS ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT.

Well, Bryan wins the I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG GODDAMIT award, Kim gets to go home and meet that singer from before, Lenore gives Bryan some consideration as a human being for once, Stuart stepfathers, and that’s Taken! Also, WHERE IN THE HELL ARE AMANDA’S PARENTS, A GIRL IS DEAD

Epilogue soon!

[fortunamuta]

Pt.3 Devilman Crybaby Post (anime spoilers)

Alright so this is the last post and honestly i forgot to talk about the last episodes 7-10. Can u feel my depression while writing this, bro the sadness is never ending. I have become one with the mf void, and within it there is no self, no thoughts, no emotions just darkness.

Also TW alot of this stuff is extremely gory and dark (lots of horrible deaths that I may talk about, so tread lightly)

Lets just say things took a turn for the......first of all WTAF Homeskillet NOOOOOOOOOOO (if u haven’t read part 1 of this post homeskillet is Taro Makimura) HE ATE HIS FREAKING MOM, AND WHEN I TELL U I GAGGED AND FELT MY EYES TEARING UP. THAT WAS THE MOST TWISTED THING I EVER SAW AND THE DAD FOUND THEM. Basically the mom had taken Taro away from the family when she learned that he was a demon, also i thought he was a devilman but he didn’t win against the demon so he was taken over. But in the scene when he’s slowly eating his mother, and his dad is screaming why pointing a gun at his son, who he now realizes is his son. Taro’s demon begins to tear up making me believe that Taro was conscious but not in control of his actions. And thats when the tears begin to fall, and the dad was screaming and crying at how unfair the world was and how disgusting the sight in front of him was he couldn’t bring himself to shoot. So then the army guys who kill demons came and the dad begged them not to kill his son, but without hesitation they fired on dad and Taro, subsequently killing both. Akira tried to save them but was ultimately too late and ended up atleast grabbing the bodies and burying them.

The next scene in the episode shows Akira crying while on his knees infront of three graves (with crosses) on what looks like a hill. And I wondered if this was alluding to the three crosses who stood on Golgatha’s hill. This definetly marked a turning point for Akira and how he felt about Ryo. Anyway demons from everywhere popped up and tried to kill Akira at the instructions of Psycho Jenny, but then Miko saves him.

OH SCHNAPP I FORGOT TO TELL YALL Miko is a devilman and sis ate MY KING OF SPOKEN WORD and I think she ate her grandmother too. Anyway she really uses her new abilities to her advantage and wants to be better than Miki M. She later confesses that her jealousy and hate was just her inability to come to terms that she loved Miki and looked up to her, she didn’t like being outdone when she was used to being the best. Anyway she saves Akira from the demons trying to kill him. At this same moment Ryo is having a come to jesus moment (more like come to satan moment) he realizes that he is SATAN. I FUCKING KNEW IT. Anyway he goes on air, and stirs chaos by OUTING AKIRA. If i could throw hands and get my grandma to pray the mess outta that fool I would, damn he really didn’t have to do him like that so the whole worlds now knows that humans can become demons, so people begin to openly attack everybody. Anyway that public call out puts a target on Akira. 

Akira and Miki have a moment where shes like even as a devilman he’s still the crybaby she’s always known and love. oh btw Miki now knows her parents are dead and so is her little brother. Let me tell u her screams of anguish THAT SHIT HURTED. Anyway The Spoken Word Squad is now friends with Miki because the main dude gotta crush on her, and THEY ARE SO MF LOYAL THE REAL MVP’S of THE SHOW. (except shorty he really played us) Anyway Akira goes to get answers and confront Ryo and u can see the betrayal on his face he truly still believed Ryo was trying to make the world a better place. Anyway a mob descends on the Makimura household and the Spoken Word Squad says to leave it to them. At this point I am bawling my eyes out, and i’m slowly being pulled apart by the void. Miko takes Miki on her back to try and escape from the mob but those hoes mad angry and for what reason, anyway before this Miki made a twitter post talking about how much she loved Akira i think in the familial since tho, and how even though he is a devilman he is still who he used to be and that the humans are capable of loving them even though they are different. He’s not the enemy they should be focusing on. 

So as u may have guesses SPOKEN WORD SQUAD DIED, eversingle one of them, but not without being the baddest bitches every before going out. Seriously Homeslice with the dread had that crowbar and my boi was swinging and taking hoes out, but homie ended up getting over powered and visciously stabbed to death. The same happen to the dude who was crushing on Miki M basically there were just too many people(those people were the real monsters, giving into raw fear to tear into children like that) 

Anyway Miko and Miki are making there escape and they end up on their old running path, and its really sad. A jeep comes out of nowhere and everybody a motherfucking automated weapons. And they continue shooting at Miko and Miki until they bring them down, Miko urges Miki to run and continue running until she’s safe and to leave her behind. Miki runs and then the show the screen with them as kids running and passing the baton. Miko passes Miki the baton signaling her death, then Miki continues to run with the baton she’s trying to catch up to Akira who in front of her but she can’t seem to and then someone in real life shoots her in the legs, but she keeps moving and finally she’s able to pass the baton to Akira. At this moment (not me tearing up as I write this) she is tackled by some guy who stabs her and she screams out, calling out for Akira. But he never makes it.

Akira goes to this place where humans have crucified other humans and there are throwing stuff at them. Akira comes and shields them, and cries out that if they should kill someone kill him. In the midst of his crying, a voice over of miki’s letter is played. And like in the bible a little child shall lead them, which a little boy goes up to Akira to hug his leg and other kids follow the mob stops throwing stuff and now some adults are coming up to Akira to apologize hugging him and crying and they help the people they had crucified. In the midst of this the demons convince Track Homie to betray Akira even though Akira was helping him. So he impales Akira with his horn thing, in the process trampling many of the humans who had been standing near, causing a panic. Demons come out of nowhere and Akira gets away.

Now Akira has made it back to Miki’s house after a big fight with Ryo promising to defeat the other. He gets there to find the house up in flames and a mob surrounding it all whooping and cheering. He focuses on the mob and almost throws up finding that Miki, Miko and the Spoken Word Squad had all been decapitated and amputated and their limbs where pushed down on spikes which were being lifted and waved around for all to see by the mob. In a fit of rage and sadness at the fact that humans had done this he releases a fiery blaze crisping the humans in the mob. He swiftly leaves and the final strand attaching him to Ryo breaks. In Ryo’s tranformation to satan they now are naked, full breast and genetalia on display with big white wings. Ryo tells Akira that he doesn’t want to fight him, he did all of this so they could be together. But Akira said he has enough spite and anger for both of then and charges, they have a midair battle and the demons back up Ryo, in the end other Devilman come to help Akira lending him limbs so that he may continue fighting sacrificing themselves. 

The fight is long and sad, you can tell immediately that Akira is no match for Ryo. The scene changes to when they were younger as children, playing in the snow and going to hotsprings, exploring and just enjoying each others company. It shows just how pure and adorable Akira was and how Ryo always showed sign of not having any regards for life and believing that the weak deserved to die. Then it changes scenes to the baton passing scene showing the baton being passed from miko to miki then to akira and finally akira trying to pass the baton to Ryo but the baton keeps dropping between then, it happens several time until it drops one last time and the new scene is of the sky. Ryo’s voice is speaking to Akira as he stares at the sky, we see the side profile of Akira and his eyes are open but he’s not responding. 

Ryo continues to speak about them as children, then the screen pans to the sky showing broken planets and the earth around them is destroyed all that remains are broken pieces and the heel they are on. No other signs of life. Ryo asks Akira a question, and believes him to just still be mad at him but then he touches his face and says he’s been so quiet. Finally he cries and he exclaims how he doesn’t understand these feeling and asks Akira what these feelings are. 

Akira finally hands Ryo the baton.

The scene pans to show us Akira missing half of his body and dead. Ryo cries out to Akira pleading with him to say something, then he pleads that Akira not leave him alone. He continues to sob into Akira and plead to not be left alone as the screen moves further away from them, showing the actual destruction caused by their fight which basically destroyed the solar system. 

So yeah, i am one with the void, devoid of emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I belong to the darkness, how tf am i supposed to feel after that. I-i just wanted Akira to be happy, but apparently that was too much to ask. Goddamn THE WHOLE MF SOLAR SYSTEM. I cried so hard my brother was actually worried about me, I had puffy red eyes and couldn’t stop my mf hiccups. and warning i do no cute cry, that shit was really ugly. 

So yeah, I thought it was really good, definitely not for everybody though. Imma need to watch some Ouran Highschool Host Club. Also prayed with my grandma the other day for extra protection. But umm somebody please tell me what the relationship between Akira and Ryo because the end scene got me confused. I think it Ryo realizing his feeling for Akira because he didn’t want him to die and realized Akira had always been there for him. So this was def a wild ride, Miki was honeslty a pretty solid person except when she was modeling for that creepy dude. And then sis went to his house and asked for a shower, I was like sis are u DumbDDumbDDDDumb, luckily Akira was there because Ryo out here killing grandmas and was ready to kill Miki back then too. 

Also FLY HIGH SPOKEN WORD SQUAD and MY KING OF SPOKEN WORD.

and Taro really was bestboi led astray.

My pain level is astronomical might as well be numb. 10/10 probably won’t watch again unless I need a good cry and psychological trauma. But it was really good all in all.

[zayray030]

Lost

Summary: The Karasuno team are getting tired that Kageyama keeps on coming late to practice or leaving practice to early. They finally figure it out when Miwa calls and tells Tobio that Akito is lost because of them. And now they're on a manhunt for Kageyamas son. When they finally find him they witness something beautiful.

Karasuno was starting to get concerned, for lack of better words, about their setter.

Kageyama had started acting extremely strangely recently.

For starters, he seemed much more tired than usual. However, that didn't seem to affect his grades. If anything, his grades started to slowly progress. Whilst, not academy worthy, it was an improvement from how it was before.

Second of all, he seems to be getting less, what's the word, explosive and angry. Every time something that would have triggered him before into a full-on demon, he simply just took a deep breath and went back to practising.

Even if Hinata horribly messed up on receives he simply just gave a thumbs up and told him he'd get better. Even when Tsukishima was being more of an asshole than usual he just fixed him with his disappointed, motherly gaze and told him to stop being childish and to actually start acting more mature, after all, once they were second years he would have to be more mature.

Needless to say, practice had continued on very quietly, everyone questioning if the effects from Hinata serving at the back of his head were finally catching up.

The third instance is where he didn't stay behind for extra practice. If anything the moment that mandatory practice was over he would race to get all his things before leaving, yelling out a small later. He was still as flawless as ever but it had left many of them questioning what was going on.

The fourth instance in which they all, yes even Ukai, Kiyoko and Daichi, seemed to think that he had been kidnapped by aliens and replaced is when he let out a little giggle at Nishinoya, Tanka and Hinata’s childish antics.

Needless to say, practice had to finish off earlier than usual because nobody could look at Kageyama without blushing and stumbling all over themselves which wasn't particularly useful as they were practising setter and spiker teamwork.

So yes, they were all worried about what was going on. Well except for Takeda.

If anything the man seemed to be sympathetic towards Kageyama, allowing him to come late to practice and letting him leave early. It had made Tsukishima let out a snarky remark about ‘How the King is so privileged’ but he was instantly shut up when Takeda sent him a serene smile with a demon aura surrounding him. He immediately gulped and looked away. Nothing was said about Kageyama's timing ever since.

However, now everyone was starting to get tired of it. It had been okay at the beginning, but slowly the lack of explanation was starting to get one everyone's nerves.

Eventually, they had managed to corner the setter and demand he stayed there or else there would be concerns. There had been a conflicted look on Kageyama's face before he finally nodded in agreement. Nobody noticed the slight shakiness in his form and if they had they would have noticed why keeping the raven back would be a very bad idea.

At practice Kageyama seems to be more on edge, constantly checking the clock, movements more jumpy than usual. It hadn't affected his setting but it had affected his mood. Seriously.

“Why don't you say that again, asshole!?” yelled Kageyama, and to nobody's surprise and utter exasperation, at Tsukishima.

The blonde had taken full advantage of the fact that Kageyama was here and had used every little moment to taunt him further. He was ready to fight a bitch now.

“Okay I will.” and he crouched down condescendingly, face mocking and cold. It made Kageyama shiver inwardly but his anger was too strong to care. “You're a little, bratty King who's had everything handed to him and throws a tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants.” he cooed at the again, just to add extra humiliation to the entire thing.

Kageyama blinked back tears, refusing to allow repressed and depressing memories to come back out again.

“Come on now, Tsukishima. That was just immature.” defended Hinata but the tiny dumbass turned around to face Kageyama nodding slightly. “Though it is true that you do throw a fit at every little thing, Yamayama-kun.” Hinata agreed with the blonde and said asshole had the nerve to smirk at Kageyama.

“You little-” he was interrupted by a familiar melody that his grandfather had used to sing to him and Miwa when they were children.

Immediately, Kageyama's attention diverted, practically mentally silencing everyone. From Tsukishima’s indignant taunts to the coach and Daichi telling him to get off his phone. He pressed answer, not even bothering to check if it was Miwa. In his haste to answer he had accidentally pressed the speaker but it was too late to change it when Miwa’s panicked voice came from the phone. His team became forgotten in his mind as he focused on his phone.

“Oh my god Tobio, thank god you answered.” and her voice sounded relieved sure, but there was too much panic for him to not be concerned. Ignoring the sarcastic ‘Is that your girlfriend, King?’ from Tsukishima and answered her.

“Yeah I am Miwa-niisan. Now what's going on.” and he heard choking noises from behind him.

‘He has a sister?” asked Nishinoya.

“It's Akito. I think I might have lost him!” came Miwa’s panicked voice, guilt so thick that Tobio could feel it from the phone.

However, he didn't care. The only thing he could focus on was that she had lost Akito, and that was the worst thing that could happen.

“I'm sorry? You lost me my son!?” he screeched and he heard more whispering from behind him but he wasn't focusing on that. He quickly grabbed his bag and stuffed it with his stuff before speed walking out of the gym. Distantly he could hear footsteps but he was focused on Miwa.

“How the fuck did you lose him?” he demanded, heart in his throat.

No, no, no! This couldn't happen!

“Meaning one second I was telling him that you're going to be spending more time at practice and the next after I turn around the kid is gone.” she answered, having enough sense to not use too much sarcasm at her currently distressed and explosive brother who had just found out that his son had been lost in her care.

“Miwa I swear if he isn't found…”

“Chill, bro. You know him best so look for him. When you find him, tell the brat that he's in trouble with me. Bye.” and before he could protest she hung up on him. Kageyama cursed his sister to hell and back.

Meanwhile, in a train station towards Tokyo a young woman choked back a sob, wondering just why she couldn't be a better sister

However, over at Miyagi Tobio was half way through a paix attack, despite him constantly telling himself to calm down and that panicking wasn't going to get him to find his son.

“Kageyama-kun?” came Yachi’s timid voice, and Kageyama turned to look at her, ignoring the shocked gasps from everyone. Belatedly he realised that the stuff running down his face where his tears and it must have said something about how stressed he was if didn't really care. “What's going on?” she asked, voice timid, as if her asking Kageyama would set him off again.

And it did. Just not in anger. When he tried to answer her question the only thing that came from him was a choked sob and immediately he was embraced by a warm figure. Looking down he could see Sugawara’s grey hair.

“Shhhh. What's wrong?” he asked, voice soft as he rubbed his back.

“My sister lost my son after she told him I was staying behind at practice to make sure I didn't get kicked off the team.” answered Kageyama, unwavering and blunt, but with tears still running down his face.

Everybody winced at the blunt words but didn't back down.

“Since when did you have a son, King?” asked Tsukishima, sneering at Kageyama.

“Since a while. Not my fault that none of you bothered to ask. And now, excuse me but if you don't mind I would actually like to go find Akito. Good day. I'll see you all in practice.” he spat out the last work like it was poison before getting up and trying to walk away. He would have succeeded if not for Hinata.

“We'll help!”

“Huh?” and it wasn't just Kageyama who said that, everyone turned around to stare at Hinata as if he grew a second head.

“Well it's kinda our fault that you're here, right? So we'll help!” and the moron's optimism must be infectious because Tobio was actually considering the moron's advice.

“Since when did I sign up to find the King's lost son?” Tsukishima asked, voice still as snarky as ever before.

“Since you were the one complained about Kageyama-kuns special treatment.” Takeda said sweetly and Tsukishima immediately gulped.

“Tch.” was all he said, crossing his arms and turning his head away. “How does the Prince look?” Tsukishima asked, voice irritated and annoyed.

On any normal day where he wasn't worrying about his son getting kidnapped he would have replied with the same amount of snark, but due to dealing with a snarky seven year old and the possibility of going into cardiac arrest, he answered without batting an eye.

“Here's a pic.” he answered, showing them his phone. Their breaths caught as they saw the picture of a small brunette child, in Kageyama’s arms, both smiling freely at the camera, mouths open like they were laughing at something said before. “There are two places he could possibly be. The place where I found him or the adoption centre. Daichi, Asahi, Noya, Tanaka and Kiyoko go to St Andrews adoption Centre. The rest of you are coming with me.” he ordered and for once nobody commented on his tone.

He then turned to Ukai and Takeda “I am so, so sorry for this mess.” he apologised, bowing down.

“It's fine, Kageyama-kun.” Takeda reassured him. Ukai nodded in agreement. And then Takeda turned to the rest of Karasuno. “The rest of you are going to be doing laps till you drop.” he said sweetly and everybody shivered. Even Suga, the resident wine mom.

“Call if you find him.” was all Kageyama said before taking off to the place where he hoped to the Lord that Akito would be. Distantly he could hear voices telling him to slow down but adrenaline was rushing through his blood and the need to find his son was more powerful than waiting for his team.

Eventually, the rest caught up to him all having the sense not to bother and try to scold him about running off.

They had never seen their Setter look this panicked or scared about something, boy even when they're against Seijoh. This Akito must be seriously important to him.

Eventually, they arrived at a pretty looking park that they had never seen before. Despite how pretty it looked it had a feeling of abandonment. They all shivered, sans Kageyama who was looking around like a madman.

“Akto!” he yelled, voice panicked and desperate and they all flinched when they heard how raw it was. Shit.

“Akito!! Sweetheart!! Come on!!” he yelled, running across the park. The others suddenly caught on and began yelling out ‘Akito’.

Finally, Kageyama found him, small body sat on a swing, face down, shoulders shaking.

Immediately, he took after him, uncaring if the others followed him it not, he just needed to get to his son.

“Akito!” he yelled and finally the brunette looked up in confusion. His eyes widened when he saw his mother run at him in full speed and they widened even more when said man picked him up and gelled him to his chest protective, muttering prayers and saying how glad he was okay.

“Mama?” and his voice was small again and both mother and son hated it.

“Oh, Aki-chan. Sweetheart.” Tobio said softly, pulling back briefly to give him a deep kiss on the forehead before picking him up, wrapping his legs around his waist. Sometimes being small had its advantages.

In Kageyama's peripheral vision he could see the others running at him, Suga on the phone.

“...yeah we found him. And he looks absolutely adorable…” Suga was saying but Kageyama turned his attention back to his personal sunshine in his arms, worry etched on his face.

“Sweetheart, why did you run off when your aunt came to pick you up?” asked Kageyama, hands running through Akito’s hair.

Akito mumbled something in his gym jacket but he couldn't make out what it was.

“What was that sweetheart?” and he pretended not to hear how everyone was staring at him as if he was replaced by an alien. It was kinda insulting actually.

“Auntie said that you had to stay at practice because your team was getting annoyed at you for missing practices and I realised it was my fault.” and he sounded so dejected and disappointed in himself that the Karasuno players flinched, even before Kageyama could pin them with his most vicious glare.

“Oh, sweetheart, that's not it. You will never be a burden to me, okay” and his voice was firm enough that Akito knew that there was no arguing with his mama.

“Can we go home please, mama?” he whimpered. He felt too raw with his mother's teammates looking at him as if he was this supernatural being. It was kinda annoying now.

“Mama?” Tsukishima asked, voice jeering, before Kageyama could answer. Immediately, everyone sent him a glare vicious enough to cut through even diamond.

“Problem?” Kageyama asked and he should not have looked so threatening, especially considering he was holding a child and his eyes looked slightly bloodshot but it was and Tsukishima would never admit it but he couldn't help but think that Kageyama suited the motherly role. Very well.

“Nope.” he answered.

“Good. Now come on let's go. I'll make you your fave.” said Kageyama and Akito yelled happily wiggling out of his mother's arms and jogging away slightly.

“You're the best mother ever!” yelled Akito and something that Karasuno never expected to happen was for Kageyama to throw his head back and let out a laugh so beautifully that everyone just stared at him and stared, as if he was a miracle.

Akito would definitely be joining their practices if it meant they could hear that wonderful noise again.

“Thanks sweetheart. Now come on, let's go!” he yelled before looking like he remembered something and turning to the others and doing something they never expected. He bowed in thanks. “Thank you for helping me fund Akito. It means a lot.” and when he got out of his bowing position he had a small smile on his face and they felt their hearts beat faster.

“No need to thank us, Kageyama-kun!” said Yachi, looking extremely flustered.

Kageyama merely smiled before turning back to his son and picking him up, mindless chartering being shared between them, laughter being heard along the way.

Yeah. Akito was most definitely going to be joining them in their practices.