#and why I think it's a shame his relationship with her gets the least amount of focus

[fullscoreshenanigans]

(The Promised Neverland Art Book World)

Ah yes, one of my favorite genres of baby full score trio pictures: Isabella being openly affectionate toward Emma and Norman in front of Ray while being hands off with him.

(Chapter 2 | Chapter 37 | Chapter 165 | Chapter 170 | Chapter 177)

[moominsuki]

✎ᝰ BAKUGOU KATSUKI ; — bakugou hates feeling jealous. but you make it worthwhile.

࿄ ! warnings — f!reader. absolutely none. sfw. / note. katsuki is a cutie patootie.

jealous bakugou is something else. he doesn’t think he’s all that possessive of you at all - he doesn’t care if your outfit is skimpy or if you have guy friends. bakugou regards himself as very secure in his relationship with you.

until he hears what guys have to say about you. then he gets a little crazy.

it’s an open day where he’s helping a group of lackies and hero interns with integrating into his agency and it’s pretty innocent at first. kiri and deku are doing most of the heavy lifting with talking with the prospective sidekicks and heroes (katsuki is very content with the extras he has already). he’s already kind of distracted by seeing you this morning - you offered to lift a hand and do some extra work around his agency for today due to the unusual amount of people scoping his place out and why would he pass on an offer to see you around his agency all day?

unfortunately for katsuki, it means that he’s being increasingly more distant than he usually is and the interns can feel the disgusted energy emitting from every fibre in his body. it’s not like he’s trying to hide it though - what a waste to have you come to his workplace and only catch glimpses of your hair and your scent.

“kacch- dynamight? what do you look for in a sidekick who wants to potentially join this agency,” asks izuku, pulling his friend out of his thoughts. katsuki looks at the crowd of young, probably high school kids and they basically cower under his gaze. he recognises a few of them from other, unimportant events he can’t seem to specifically recall. god, he wants to bite back at them but he shrugs in annoyance.

“don’t piss me off and do as you’re told. simple as but it seems like you lot would still f-”, deku quickly interjects katsuki and yells out, “okay! let’s take a quick 10 minute break! just have a look around and we’re free if you have any questions you want to ask!”

ᝰᝰᝰᝰᝰ

“what is with you today, kacchan? you’re more… insolent than usual,” asks izuku slowly, watching the expression on his blond’s face meld into a face of indifference.

“maybe it’s the fact that i don’t care about these idiots who’re just making a goddamn mess of the place. i don’t need more extras to fuck shit up f’me,” bakugou grumbles. kirishima pats his moody friends on the back and goes to speak when-

“well at least the rumours about dynamight are true. that guy is a fucking mood killer,” says some guy standing in the corner of the reception area, who looks to be a sidekick and is accompanied by other unknown up and coming ‘extras’ as Katsuki woukd put it.

“tell me about it. the guys here fucking suck. for once, i’m wishing that we were stuck with the female pros instead. have you seen uravity? she’s sexier in real life,” pipes up some other guy and the rest holler and hoot.

the three pros look at each other, with bakugou looking at kirishima and deku with knowing, smug eyes.

“i’m just going to interrupt their conversation-” says kirishima, attempting to walk over until another lackey pipes up.

“but have you seen y/h/n? what a woman. shame she’s not in her hero suit. what i would do for a woman like that,” grunts some pathetic looking guy. he’s spindly and limp and looks akin to a wet noodle.

it doesn’t stop katsuki from seething though.

kirishima and izuku slowly turn to look at their friend - who’s practically steaming in his hero uniform. all katsuki can see is red and violence - which isn’t really unlike from what he normally sees but it’s different this time. this time it’s about you.

he sees the group of gross, teenage boys point to where you’re standing: you’re leaning over the receptionist desk and just from the behind can katsuki appreciate how beautiful you are. you’re wearing a short black turtleneck dress with orange accents (you told him that you wanted to wear his colours to his agency) and in any other setting would katsuki run his hands over you and compliment and kiss you till you were shying away from him.

bakugou knew that you got unwanted attention, regardless if he was standing by you like a rabid guard dog - you were gorgeous and you knew that. he also knew that you could hold your own against a hoard of horny teenage losers and you would never look twice at them when you had him. still, that logic went out the window when he could see the same group of kids leering and pointing at where your thighs met the bottom of your dress and he wanted to kill them.

kirishima got wind of this just by looking at the blond’s expression, “please don’t blow up the place - they’re just dumb kids! think about how hard we worked for this agency,” pleads kirishima.

“he’s too far gone,” izuku sadly laments as they watch bakugou stride on over to you and ignore both the men’s pleas and bargains. he aggressively pushes past the disgusting collective of eyes and they break apart in shock at his intrusion through them.

you’re, however, too enamoured in your conversation with his assistant and mina- you’re looking at a pinterest board and he wants to bite you for being so cute in front of everyone. it makes him even angrier that those extras would ever think that you would give them more than a side eye and a polite wave.

you feel katsuki before you see him - his uniform-clad arm holds your waist between the desk as he slots himself into your conversation.

“so what’s this about? whatcha talking about?” katsuki asks and mina and his assistant giggle at his intrusion while you roll your eyes and turn yourself sideways to look at him.

“i would tell you but mina and akako might kill me,” you tell your boyfriend, resting a manicured hand on his chest. akako, bakugou’s assistant, laughs and nods her head:

“sorry, dynamight, our conversations are sacred. might i add your timetable tells me that you’re due to take the interns on a practice patrol in less than… 20 minutes?”

katsuki narrows his eyes at this and you chastise akako for poking at him, “leave him alone! i want him here,” before resting a hand on his stubbled jaw and scratching at his face. katsuki’s eyes close at the sensation and he opens them to take a good look at your face. the stupid kids are still a embittering thought in the back of his mind and in any given situation, he would never do this. but sometimes bakugou’s heart goes against his common sense and this was one of those times.

he leans down to slots his lips over yours and presses a gloved hand into the small of your back and you smile into the kiss while a few “awwhs,” emit in the background. bakugou opens an eye slightly to see in his peripheral vision that the gaggle of the limp-faced sidekicks are looking at him in a mixture of shock and fear and embarrassment. he also sees kirishima and izuku grab them up to guide them out of the room.

when you break from the kiss to brush at the hair on the nape of his head, he mumbles, “have i told you how much i love that dress on you?”

you giggle a little and lean up to kiss the corner of his mouth, “a few times. but you can keep telling me if you want. ‘s not like i’ll get tired of hearing it,” you whisper to him and it’s like you’re the only people in the room. he’ll tell you about what spurned this on another day. in the meanwhile, he bask in your attention until he has to go and entertain those useless jerks. it’s not like he’s going to employ any of them.

bakugou would say this is a mission accomplished in his book. yeah, he’s a little jealous and possessive. but with the way you look at him, he finds himself caring less and less about what others have to say about you.

doesn’t mean he won’t try knock them in the side of their head if the time calls for it.

࿄ ! — all rights reserved © moominsuki. please do not copy, translate, repost nor recommend my work outside of tumblr. this is strictly prohibited.

[explaintome]

Dear Mouthwashing fandom, explain to me, why next to the incredible fan art, I find a fuck ton of shipping content, especially between characters where this is highly problematic? SPOILERS FOR MOUTHWASHING AHEAD CN for talk about sexual abuse, death, suicide & violence

DISCLAIMER: I do not shame the general practice of shipping at all. I am a shipper myself and I think it makes up for a lot of interesting dynamics and narratives outside the canon. Shipping is an important pillar of fandom communities and I am unable to forbid you to do it. HOWEVER, in the case of Mouthwashing I want to talk about what, in my opinion, feels tone-deaf to the themes and the canon of the game. But let me start with a short summary of the game before I get into it.

Mouthwashing is basically a visual novel that takes place on the Tulpar, the last manned cargo ship of the company Pony Express. The crew, consisting of Caption Curly, Co-Captain Jimmy, Nurse Anya, Mechanic Swansea and his intern Daisuke, is confronted with a crash against an asteroid and the consequences following it. The story is told out of order to reveal the truth bit by bit. What caused the crash, what happened and how the crew deals with the time afterward being stuck on the ship. Revealing sexual abuse, tragic backstories, the horrible side effects of late state capitalism and the neglect of people in command towards the people they are responsible for.

To boil it down we have two men who, out of societal misogyny, hurt the only woman on their crew by assaulting her or not acting as they should have in their position of responsibility. All of this would not have happened if Jimmy didn't rape Anya and impregnate her, and if Curly had disciplined Jimmy in a capacity possible on the ship and in Jimmy's position as co-pilot. To be honest, with the amount of automatization the ship has, I don't think they need Jimmy if it is not a case of emergency, but I digress. Jimmy is the perpetrator of the story, but Curly is an accomplice in putting his aim of finding a solution and compromise over punishing his subordinate as he should have.

And now to my actual point: I am a big fan of the game, the narration style and the utter tragedy of 5 people losing their lives in the isolation of space, with their company not giving a shit about them. Otherwise, they might have been rescued much earlier or at all. Or had enough cryo pots in the first place. Or a nurse with experience. Or any amount of better equipment and not the most cheap shit that somehow made it through a resemblance of regulations. There are probably no regulations.

Being a fan I, of course, looked into the hashtags on several social media sites, and between the incredible art and analysis of the game, I quickly found shipping content, and I have no idea why. I have literally no idea how that narrative speaks to you in a way of shipping characters romantically/sexually. Especially three shippings really rub me the wrong way.

ANYA/JIMMY

Are you fucking kidding me? Literally, what is wrong with you shipping a victim with their abuser? There was not one interaction between them, that suggest that there was consent or affection, that Jimmy has any sympathy for Anya. He knows what is going on, he knows that Anya is pregnant and takes no responsibility. Even worse, his idea of FIXING this was to kill everyone, at least himself, to avoid responsibility! Same goes for AUs where she kept the baby and is somehow okay and happy? I get the urge to fix it, but that is not a good fix. There is no good fix if you are pregnant due to rape.

ANYA/CURLY

A lot of argument I hear for that is that "at least Curly is her friend and was nice to her" and if that is your whole foundation of argument, I want to ask what your standards for a relationship are. Please know that you deserve more than the bare minimum. Another question in that context: Is Curly really Anya's friend? His friend was abused and instead of protecting her, he tried to reason and help her abuser! That is not the behavior of a friend! There is no "but Jimmy is his friend too!". If your friend is an abuser and that does not make you stop being their friend....why?

JIMMY/CURLY

It feels like it is a law on the internet, that two men who look at least averagely handsome will be shipped, especially if they have the tiniest of connection to each other. I am not even sure if I would call them friends in the first place. It appears that Jimmy, whatever his bad life before that job was (thanks to the developers for not giving us a backstory), he is still absolutely unsatisfied with that he has. He is jealous of Curly and his position, seeing how quickly he takes on the Captain title after the crash and only realizes far too late how hard the position actually is. Curly on the other hand feels a bit like a people pleaser to me. He probably had pity for Jimmy, took him under his wing to help him? Fix him? Whatever it is, it made him ignore Jimmy's bad side to a fatal degree. I respect the toxic yaoi but are you sure?

TLDR; I am worried about how the practice of shipping developed, from a way to extend the canon, explore queerness in cis/straight dominated media, into a compulsion of where some people can't look at any form of media or constellation of characters without immediately smashing them together like dolls. If you do this, maybe step back for a minute and ask yourself if it is appropriate. On that note, same goes in case you defend Jimmy. Why?

[georgiapeach30513]

Perfume on the Shelf

Summary: You told him he had one more chance to cheat, and you were done. Warning him there would be no second chances, but he didn’t listen. Couldn’t believe you. He definitely didn’t think you’d run into his partner’s arms. Jack was always waiting on you to wise up. And now he’s going to show you just how hard soft love can be.

Pairings: Jack O'Malley X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, drinking, cheating, unprotected sex, PIV sex, hard sex, creampie, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 3K

Jack O'Malley Masterlist

You didn’t need to say anything or cause a scene. You saw him with another woman. Again. Again he disappointed you. Again he lied to you. Again he chose someone that wasn’t you. You gave him too many chances, and you’re not even sure if it’s because of love, fear, or just fucking stupidity that caused you to stay.

You take a sip of your whiskey. Letting the amber liquid burn down your throat, and give you something to think about besides the way he looked as he pushed into her. Her obnoxious pornstar sounds that echoed out into your home. Yes, he paid for it, but you still lived there. You loved it there, but he tainted it for the last time. It just wasn’t worth the loss of your dignity.

You give the bar a little tap, and the bartender gives you a pitiful look. “Just fucking pour me another round.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Absolutely not,” why the hell would you want to tell a stranger your problems? And what were you supposed to say? My boyfriend that’s a hitman for hire cheats on me all the fucking time, and thinks he should be allowed to that because his job is stressful, and he needs to fuck. Of course you have a perfectly viable pussy that he never complained about, but new pussy just feels different. And he thinks that is justifying his actions to you.

Asshole.

Robert wasn’t a terrible guy, but he was far from being great, or even good, especially in a relationship. You let him use you because you ‘love’ him. You scoff hearing that word in your mouth. While you loved him it was one sided, and you’re beginning to think you didn’t even love him at all. Maybe the idea of him, and that just makes you feel sick. What idea of him? The fact that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill someone that crosses you? Where have you heard that line before?

You are just as bad as him no matter how you want to think about it. You couldn’t justify how seeing him punish a man that has wronged you made you feel. How you watched him end the life of people for you — for your safety. You know you’re a sicko, but you also know you won’t be disrespected, and you at least are loyal. It wasn’t worth it.

Maybe the cheating throughout your relationship hardened you each time, so that when it was time to break free it didn’t hurt. What hurts is your ego and the fact he trampled all over it. Asshole. Big fucking dick asshole. You hate him, and hate it worse that you allowed him that amount of freedom with your heart.

Maybe shame is a better word to describe things. You just feel numb. Not the sense of relief you thought you would feel but…nothing at all. You tap your finger on the bar, hoping to get a refill soon. You lift the final drink to your mouth, but a thick and heavy hand lays on yours tapping the table and you look to your right. Annoyed that someone had the audacity to stop you, and you glare at the man.

“I think you’ve had enough. She’s had enough,” he says, waving at the bartender.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Jack. You can fuck off, too.”

“Yeah, he told me you hadn’t made it home. I told him you probably did.”

Your eyes downcast to the scratched wood. This bar is nowhere you would have ever found yourself any other time. You didn’t want to be found though. Robert would look at the high end hotel bars. you wanted to be left alone to lick your wounds and wait for him to get an assignment so you can pack up your shit, and leave for good.

“You knew?”

“Knew that he’s always fucking someone? Yeah. You’re the stupid woman that kept making excuses for him. The one that believed him when he said that he wouldn’t ever do it again, and it would last maybe a couple of weeks. Sex was real good at home, but then…like I said last time, he’s insatiable. It’s not you, it really is him. The man has no business being in a relationship. And I told you that. Or did you forget? You thought your pussy could cure his whoring ways,” you snort, your eyes go glossy as you look to the wall of liquor bottles.

Every time he cheated, Jack told you that you would be better off without him. That he wasn’t going to change, and he hadn’t. He was still a man that was going to fuck who he wanted to fuck. “That’s not all you said to me.”

“Oh yeah? And what else did I say, sweetheart?” His foot wraps around the leg of your stool, and he pulls you dangerously close to his own. Placing you right in between his thighs as he leans forward, “Go on, tell me what I said to you.”

“You know,” you whisper, your hand absentmindedly placing on his thigh. You move the hand up, and pull it back down. Looking at his thick leg, he places his fingers on your chin, lifting your gaze to him. Tsking you as he shakes his head. “You know what you said.”

“And I need you to refresh my memory. I easily forget.”

You lean in too close. Your mouth is right at his ear, and you place your lips over the shell, “You told me I could get under you, and you could help me forget him.”

“And what do you suppose I meant by that?” His breath on your neck sends a chill up your spine, and heat pools to your core. You feel like a bitch in heat with how bad you want him to make you forget. You didn’t love Robert, and had no intentions of returning, or even staying here. But something about your goodbye being with Jack’s cock fucking into you sounds delicious.

“I think you meant you want to fuck me,” leaning back you watch as Jack’s pupils expand. Blowing wide with dark pools of lust, and blocking out the crystal blue of his eyes. What both of you are proposing should be forbidden, but you weren’t loyal to any man anymore. You want him. You want him raw and unhinged.

“I think you want to hear what I sound like when I come on your cock. You want to fuck me so good and hard I forget everything I saw tonight. You want me to cry from pleasure instead of betrayal. You want me to be your little slut tonight, and have my cunt milk your cock dry.”

Jack doesn’t respond with words, he lays down a hundred dollar bill and picks you up, throwing you on his shoulder. His eyes roll in the back of his head when he feels your pussy throbbing with a need to be filled. A need to be punished. Carrying you out of the bar before walking down the street.

“Where are we going?” you ask, giggling because being upside down with some whiskey in your system is making you loopy.

“Uh uh, stay with me. We’re going to a hotel. It’s just a block away.”

“You mean that crummy old motel?”

“Eh,” he shrugs the best he can. “It’s the best option right now. Plus, I know what the best room of the place is. They keep it nice and clean for me. Just trust me,” you didn’t care about trust, you just want Jack to fuck you so you can say a big fuck you to Robert. You hoped that Jack bragged about it. Took a picture of it, hell, record it. You didn’t care. That part of you is no longer there. You want Robert to feel as low as you do, while you moan out another man’s name.

Get to feel blissful for once. You’re an adult, and you have imagined being under, over, beside, upside down, and whatever position this man could come up with, with Jack. The man is attractive, and he’s not been subtle in asking you, more like begging you. You are just now in the right state of mind to receive his kind of attention.

He slams open the door, and slings you on the bed immediately. His hands paw at your pants as he tries to remove your clothes while you look around the room. This is too nice here. It’s bigger than the normal room. “Take your shirt off,” he tells you breathlessly.

His lips attach to your legs, creating a trail of desire all the way up before his sinful mouth is kissing over your drenched panties. “What is this place?”

“It’s my home. Stop talking.”

“You live here?”

“Yes,” he sighs, leaning back on his haunches, and you sit up off the bed watching him. “And I’m apparently a little rusty. I’m pulling out all the stops for you, kissing you over that stupid piece of fabric that you call panties. Moaning at the way you taste, and you’re just worried about my damn hotel.”

“Your hotel?” You didn’t know this about Jack. He’s full of surprises.

“And I’m only mildly offended that you made that gross comment about my crummy hotel, but the fact you’re ignoring my pinky that is only slightly rubbing over you is offensive,” you genuinely smile at him. There’s more to Jack than meets the eye. He really wants you to enjoy this moment. Not just seek revenge on your lying boyfriend, but see him. Pay attention to him, even though you haven’t exactly ignored him.

There’s a true sadness over his face, and you pull off your shirt. Reaching behind you to your bra, “You’re not trying to talk yourself out of sleeping with me this time?” You shake your head no. A grin spreads over your face as you let your bra drop into your lap, and he slings it behind him quickly.

Lifting your ass you shake your hips back and forth, removing your panties, and spread your legs wide. Dipping your fingers into your warmth, and you bring them back out. Stretching them wide, and watching as Jack stares at the webbing of your slick coated your fingers.

“Get undressed, Jack,” he does so enthusiastically. Nearly tripping as he tries to rid himself of his clothes, and that glorious cock springs free. Beads of precum shine in the low lighting, and his member twitches with excitement. Kneeling on the bed, he crawls in between your thighs, and you cover your cunt with your hands.

“Oh, come on!” It’s more silly than serious, but he’s adorable being animated.

“First, tell me, is this a one time thing? Or are we going to be seeing a lot of each other from now on?”

“Sugar, I only want you for sex,” no he doesn’t. A man doesn’t chase after a woman for years just for sex. But you want him to admit it to you. It could be all there is, or it could be that he wants to sneak around some more. Your bet is on the latter.

“Sure you do.”

“I’m being honest,” he smiles as he starts to lift your hands away. Holding his cock at the base he runs his blunt tip through your folds. Collecting your arousal, and he dips lower. Pushing just the tip in before he pulls out. “This is just a one time thing. Understand?”

“Then you better fuck me hard and good, so I don’t forget.”

“I’ll fuck you so deep that your body will be mesmerized by me. Crave me for all of eternity, and ruin you for other men.”

“If it’s just a one time thing, why would you do that?” He doesn’t answer. He just crashes into your warmth. So fast that the world spins on another axis, and your body lurches up the bed. You yelp as his cock whispers against your cervix. Eyes rolling in the back of your head as Jack settles into your warmth.

Giving your walls a chance to accommodate his thick girth, and your breathing to regulate again. “What was that you asked?”

“I said,” he pulls out of your pussy, crashing back in, balls deep. Jack’s sack bounces off your ass, and you forget what you were trying to convey. “I said that — oh my fuck!” He does this again. Stopping your line of thought every time. He is almost painfully deep, but your body pulls him closer. Wrapping your legs around his waist, and arching your back.

You want to feel him through your entire body. “I think you were trying to say something?”

“Just fuck me!”

“As you wish,” he drags himself out of you, and starts to piston back in. A brutal pace, and you can’t think of anything else, but the pleasure. The absolute perfect way that this man melts into your body just like you are the perfect fit for him. The bed slams against the wall, and you still need more. Maybe it’s just Jack.

The thought of only getting this one time, and never again is appalling. You need this everyday. You need to receive him multiple times a day. Have him filling you up, but in a weird way, worshiping you. Petting around your face, and giving you the sweetest chaste kisses while he splits you in two. He is demolishing you from the inside out, and you want him to.

You want him to take all that he needs, just so you can thank him for his services. Thrusting into you so hard that you feel bruises being formed at the apex of your thighs. You could get used to this kind of treatment. The treatment that you are the only thing that could ever matter to him. And you are the only one that could make him feel this way.

“Jack! Jack! Jaaaaaacck!”

“I know. And you’re going to take everything that I give you. Whenever I give it to you, you’re going to take it, and you’re going to tell me thank you. Okay?” You nod your head, words barely able to form on your lips, and you take it all.

Every stab into your body, you take it. Every mark he nips onto your neck, you take it. Every sharp pinch to your nipples, you take it. You take everything with fervor. You will take whatever this man gives you. Every bit of it. You’re ruined for other men sexually, if only…

“I’m going to count to three, and we’re going to come together. One,” you pout up at him. Biting on your lip as your walls start to flutter around his wide cock. This is going too fast. If you only get one chance, he should make it last for hours.

“Two,” he softly wipes his thumb over your forehead, removing the sweat that beads along your skin, and you whimper out his name. He is the devil for being too good at this. You want more. More of him. Not just his body. But the buildup is too much. You want to come on his cock. You want to feel him come into you.

“Three,” his word is more like a grunt as your tight pussy clenches down around him. Holding him so tight that you hope you trap him inside until he gets hard again and the two of you die because you can’t stop fucking each other.

One more push into you, and you feel hot ribbons of his cum spurt deep inside of you, and you both mewl at the feeling of your juices mixing into the most beautiful form of arousal. Fusing together as one as you search his eyes. Please. Please let him tell you that one time is never enough. Be good enough that he wants to stay.

He whispers out your name while his breathing is labored, and choked. “I’m not good enough for you. And I’m not good enough to walk away from you either.”

“Good.”

“I need you to get dressed and walk away from me, and this life,” you twist your head to the side and study him. “You deserve a better life than this, and I need…”

“What do you want though?”

“For you to never go anywhere that I’m not. I’ve always wanted you, and you know that,” how could it be possible that you’re now the one that needs him in your life. Jack has tried for so long. Even before Robert became your poison of choice. Why did he stick around and wait for this moment for all that time?

“I want to do this again and again and again. I want you.”

And for the first time in so long, you want to do what you want, too. You want him. You hate this life. But you want him. You can’t go on pretending that this life doesn’t exist because he is all you want. For how long was anyone’s guess because you’re unsure when Jack is who you wanted, and yet you denied him because you were with Robert. But you are tired of pretending, and tired of fighting.

“I’m sorry I tried to make you jealous,” and there it is. The man is finally apologizing after all these years. Games and more stupid games. Games that had real life consequences. Games that made you both take such different paths in life. “I love you.”

“Ehh, we’re not doing that now. I’m sorry I had to make you jealous for making me jealous. And then I got caught in Robert’s web. No more games.”

“None,” he’s tired of the games and chasing as well. Now he just wants to chase you to the bed.

“Just you and me?”

“And the devil makes three,” and that’s how you like it. Equal partners. For now until you each take your last dying breath. Just you. And him. And the devil makes three…

Masterlist

@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @donutloverxo @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bambamwolf87 @rogersbarber

[ataraxiaspainting]

The Other Side Of Paradise.

Makima x F Reader.

Synopsis: Makima has grown on you like a parasite, minus the grossness. You think you have grown on her too.

Warnings: Slightly unhealthy relationships because, uh, you know, Makima.

Word Count: 1.5k.

Ten Songs Like This Piece:

Lilith by Ellise

she calls me daddy by KiNG MALA

Strawberry Blond by Mitski

Butch 4 Butch by Rio Romeo

Maneater by Nelly Furtado

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic

How I’d Kill by Cowboy Malfoy

Kiss Of Fire by Georgia Gibbs

Sex with a Ghost by Teddy Hyde

Rule #4 - Fish in a Birdcage by Fish in a Birdcage

You don’t think she is the same as when you first met her.

You don’t think she is the same as when you first met her, because her body always faces you regardless of the situation. Whenever she visits you at your apartment, sitting on your couch while watching television, she is more often than not closer to you than she would perhaps admit. Her arms and legs are usually uncrossed too, though anyone could argue that she never does with anyone; co-worker or friend. 

You fidget when she gets lunch with you or some other activity that is supposed to be calming towards those involved. It’s embarrassing whenever you think back on it; thinking about how you shifted in your seat a bit too much that you fell over onto the grass, the shame burning into your memory whenever you try to go to sleep. 

You know you aren’t the same as when you first met her.

But has she? You hope so because you plan to confess to her today. It’s Valentine’s Day after all, and you think that there couldn’t be a better time to do so. The only thing you hate about Makima now is how difficult she is to read, especially in the workplace. It’s an improvement, you think, because you used to think much less of her. You most likely will never be able to tell if Makima found your once hateful feelings towards her amusing, pathetic, or didn’t even realize it at all. 

Maybe it is a good thing though, because ignorance is bliss.

This both fuels and puts out the flames of your fears of rejection, like water mixed with gasoline.

The sound of Makima’s phone ringing only gets louder with every step you take towards her office. “Tsk. Troublesome.”

You take note of her slightly frustrated expression as she puts her phone on silent and places it face-down on her desk. “Um, hi Miss Makima.”

“Hello, Miss [Last].” You used to say her name with such passive aggression, envious that you will never be a director of public safety yourself and can only be an assistant to one. She, however, says your last name as she always has; with a calm and neutral tone. “Happy Valentine’s Day. You look nice.”

“T-Thank you.”

Her eyes smile more than her lips do. “I mean it.”

“Really?”

Every time Makima nods her head with a for once readable expression, you could swear that your pulse rate shoots up. 

The proof is in how blood rushes to your cheeks, making you blush and turn away.

“Really. You are beautiful, Miss [First].”

You feel lightheaded, the amount of sanguine fluid moving to your head being heavy enough to almost make you fall forward and fall straight onto your face. “T-Thanks. You too.”

As you turn away from her and look at the gift piles next to Makima’s desk, so does she. There are at least ten bouquets and at least twenty small other presents. A large teddy bear too, is hidden beneath it all with only its face showing fully. Makima has never been short of admirers, another reason why you used to always be so jealous of her.

“Since it’s Valentine’s Day,” you mutter. “I just wanted to give you this.”

In your right hand is a gift bag with a few huskies on it. 

Makima had mentioned that that was her favorite kind of dog to you before, and you archived the memory for later reference.

She leans forward and her fingers wrap around the string handle, pulling it towards her gently. “Oh, thank you. I have something for you too.”

You don’t know how it is possible, but you can sense your cheeks getting even redder. Even though you aren’t looking at her, you can sense her amusement based on her humming alone. Inside the bag is a box of dark chocolate truffles of a brand you both like as well as a framed photo of you two together. It probably isn’t the most original gift she has gotten today though, and that makes your stomach aches worsen from the anxiety.

“You didn’t have to give me anything, Miss Makima.” You smile only faintly. 

“Then why did you give me something?” She asks, her tone slightly teasing, and you want to scream into your pillow tonight as compensation for your awkwardness. As a response to her question, you start stuttering out excuses one word at a time before restarting, over and over again.

I just thought you’d like these, you wanted to say, but emotion is taking over your ability to speak.

She waltzes over to her desk like a slow dancer, her movements much more elegant than yours ever could, would, and will be.

As if your heart was a drum, it beats in an irregular rhythm. 

Bum bum, thump thump, dun dun.

She crouches down, curling her knees and putting a hand on her chin as her other hand opens the cabinet beside her desk. She takes three books out in total. Crime and Punishment. The Metamorphosis. I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream. All of these books you have mentioned to her before on one occasion or another, that now is leaving you genuinely touched by her present actions.

She leaves you feeling warm, a feeling you don’t think you have felt for anyone else.

“If I remember correctly, these were some of the books you have mentioned wanting to read in person, correct?” At the sight of your head bobbing up and down with pure and unfiltered delight with a mmhmm leaving your throat, she in turn finally allows her lips to move upward. No longer is the smile she wears cordial–instead it is bright like fireflies in summer, her eyes being the very sun itself.

It is a sight you will never forget, its beauty is too mesmerizing to be left out of your core memories. “I can’t believe you remembered that I wanted those.”

There is a chuckle that leaves her mouth that threatens to sweep you off your feet. 

Her fingers graze against yours as she hands you the novels. They are softer than yours, cleaner. 

“Well, believe it then.”

“I-I will.”

“Good,” She says, the praise only makes your face that much more hot. It feels like you are in a dream sweeter than cotton candy and just as soft as it. If this is a figment of your imagination, you would much rather stay in it for the rest of your life. “You’re quite adorable, blushing like that.”

She receives a gaze from you that can only be defined as being captivated by her stardom. “I-I gotta ask you something if you don’t mind.”

Her grin widens with each stumble of your speech.

“Go ahead.”

“Are you doing something after work tonight?”

For a brief moment, she rests her chin in her hand and lets out a thoughtful hum. Her gaze shifts towards the ceiling as she ponders whether any post-work plans are awaiting her today. After what feels like an eternity, she shakes her head. “I am not, why?”

“Oh, well…” You pause for a second, looking down to try to somewhat cover your embarrassment. When you finally work up the courage to speak again, you sound hopeful. “You know how it’s Valentine’s Day today?”

She nods in turn, acknowledging the obvious. “It is indeed.”

“Uh, I was wondering…” You pause again and try to focus on your shoes instead of your stuttering words. “Would you want to, you know, go out or something?” As you both lock eyes in silence, a surge of determination prompts you to expand your inquiry while assuming a more upright stance. “If you’re not doing anything, of course.”

Once more, her lips curl into a smile and she affirms with a subtle nod. “Sure. But Miss [Last], is this a romantic date?”

Your face flushes, betraying your hidden desire for this outing to be more than just a casual hangout. Despite your efforts to conceal it, deep down, you know she can sense your longing for it to be a date instead. 

“Er, yes,” you finally say, the ends of your shoes rubbing against one another as you fiddle with your fingers. You hate how awkward you can be, especially with Makima. “I was hoping it could be… a romantic date.”

Once more, her laughter echoes as you stumble over your words, and you brace yourself for the impending disaster. Anticipating her rejection, you find solace in the darkness behind closed eyelids, fully aware that this could lead to your demotion.

“Then it shall be. I’ll pick you up.”

You don’t process her words at first. You are still preparing for the carpet to be pulled from underneath your feet and for you to be ridiculed. But that never comes, because after a few more seconds of silence, you open your eyes to see that Makima’s cheeks are light pink, barely noticeable.

“R-Really?”

“I mean it.” 

You know that she does, and that makes your heart flutter like a bird.

[creepy-friday]

Hi!!! I saw your fem! Proxy post and I was wondering if you could write a NSFW scenario/oneshot with a fem! Proxy with Hoodie? It just really got me thinking and the way you write the characters really intrigues me!

If not it's completely ok!!! I don't know if your requests are open or if you write NSFW but if you don't then feel free to ignore this!

The only specific thing I ask is if Y/N was a bit in the sweeter and innocent side when it comes to her personality, since i think the contrast between her human and naive natures contrasts with Hoodie's perveted one is really interesting, that's the only thing really.

I love your writing and hcs and remember that you don't have to write this if you don't want to!!

💗💗💗

Hii!! Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! 💞 💞💞

NSFW|Hoodie x Female Proxy|

Warnings: heavy NSFW,hair pulling,orgasm denial,violence,blood and abuse mentions

Two years.It took you two years of working under a faceless creature to finally give in the loneliness almost every creep of the mansion drowned into

It was noticed by Brian who waited patiently for you to say the word that would bring the nights he spent jerking himself off to you to reality

On the occasions you were free to wander around, Brian followed you a couple of times. At first it was just his job,to make sure you aren't plotting to escape and to report to Slenderman if you would be on the run

To be honest he wouldn't have rat you out even if you thought you could escape the forest,but he would've blackmail you into various "services" to keep quiet. He isn't the most innocent after years of having blood on his hands

Missions with you along with Masky and Hoodie were going two ways. It was either Maksy smashing someone's brain across the room while you're distracted or having you knock out someone while the white masked man bitches about it.

It was funny to him,really,altough the hood's expression captures sadness he's finding himself smirking to how much you try to leave a scene with the least amount of blood possible

It was a dirty thought,but he was getting hard of the amount of fear or disgust your face portrayed whenever his teammate did something grotesque

He noticed how you reacted to the cruel things he did as well

Sometimes he wonderes if you would have the same expression if he would put a pistol to your head while pounding into you,or if the sweet girl he thinks you are would enjoy it

Of course he never tried to make a move on you or to harass you like Masky did.He was simply waiting for an opportunity to fuck you,one like today

There were feelings he wasn't aware of,but he never gave them much thought because a relationship between the two of you would be candalous

The dynamic among the proxies would be destroyed,but he wouldn't mind to be honest,the word "shame" is out of his vocabulary after all the time spent here

Today was one of the days you had a breakdown and needed to be out for a while,deep in the forest to the usual spot

"You keep on coming here." he approached you with slow steps,leaning on a tree while pulling his hood upwards.There was clear tension between the two of you from the mission last night

"Oh,yeah.. " you simply responded while rubbing your hands together.

"It was a nice thing." he mentioned from last night,when you soothed Toby who was on the verge of exploding into another violent outburst to Masky's constant bullying towards him.

You gave him a nod while playing with the crushed leaves on the ground

"I know how it was at first,in these woods." Brian stated while taking a few more steps towards you."You don't have to hide there.Confess to me." he demanded."Why you do it?"

You looked at him with a puzzled expression,deep bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep due to the stress from all the worked days

"I don't know." and you told him the truth,but to be honest,at this point you were exhausted.You kept on thinking about your life..before you ended up here.

The loneliness combined with the way of how hot his body felt right next to you made you make the first move to finally give Brian the start he longed for.

You looked up to him and he leaned in.You kissed him and he followed by with a deeper passionate approach while his hands traveled from your waist to your ass and finally to your pants

As you tried to get some air as well as some distance you gently pushed him by the chest. "We shouldn't do this."

"Why not?"

"I...I don't.." it felt guilty to be out with your teammate like this.It felt like a betrayal of some sort for some reason.

"You don't what?" he smirked while closing the distance yet again "you're a virgin? That's alright,I won't bite." Brian whispered while giving wet kisses to the crook of your neck "or maybe you aren't into this kind of stuff?"

His right hand traveled to your clothed sex after giving your ass a rough squeeze.He continued to rub your cunt while his left hand went up your shirt,pulling it upwards with your bra

The way your legs opened up,giving room for his hand to toy with your covered heat and the way his tongue circled your nipple made you moan in response

After giving your puffy nipples a final squeeze he grabbed you by the back of your neck and throwed you face down on the log he was previously sitting on making you yelp in surprise

Hoodie moved his hand from your neck to your hair,grabbing a fistful of it while undoing his pants and pushing your legs apart for more room

"You're not saying anything,huh?Use your voice for a bit',I might do it more often" he whispered as he lowered his body onto you

"I..I don't know what to-" you were interrupted by the cold wind biting at your skin as he pulled your pants to your ankles in a rush

"That's okay.I'll fuck the words out of you." he whispered as he plunged two fingers into your wet hole

He kept on hurrying the pace as you were driven closer and closer to the edge then suddenly went slower

"Please don't stop" you begged for him,your mind long gone into a hazy cloud as he gently lifted your head by the hair

He entered in without much effort as you arched your back followed by his grunts

He continued to slowly trace circles on your clit,patiently waiting for you to ask for more

A few squirms and your body was rocking against his hand,the nonverbal response made the intention clear and he followed suit

The sound of flesh on flesh combined with the muffled moans were enough to make your face red,further hurting your cheek in the rough surface of the log he previously sat on

"Are you disgusted with yourself?" he smirked while continuing to pound into you "of being with someone like me?" getting closer to your face he jerked your head upwards and licked your cheek "maybe you're getting off of that"

Making the pace slower again he hissed "respond."

"N-No!I'm not!"

"Atta girl"

The whole situation driven you drunk with lust as you tightened around him

After a minute of heavy breathing you both regained yourselves from the high.As Brian caressed your hair a wet pop was heard before as he stood up straight to adjust his clothes back on. "You alright?"

"Y-yeah.." you breathed out while hurrying to pull your pants back on,still shaken from the whole experience.

"Want some help with that?" you immediately responded with a quiet "no"  while ignoring any sort of eye contact with him.

"Aight'" Brian smiled to himself as he sat down on the same log,still watching you take deep breaths in and out while leaning on the tree next to him.

The faint sound of a click was heard as he lightened up a cigarette. "Take a break." Brian whispered with a different tone now,the teasing and mischievous one being long gone at this point. "You'll need it for tomorrow."

You finally looked in his direction, eyes fixated on yours as a soft smile appeared on his face

"Maybe you'll get lonely again.I'll be there"

[joanofexys]

here is your reason to talk about emeryk wesninski 👉👈

Emeryk Wesninski my beloved (not really. I also forgot he existed and debated killing him dead again instead of confronting my embarrassing ocs)

If it isn’t obvious he’s intended to be Neil’s brother, which I’m probably gonna skirt around as much as possible due to my own shame lmao

Emeryk Wesninski:

25 years old

he/him

queer idk he’s not gonna sit there long enough to slap a word on it

played striker

was supposed to start on the Ravens lineup with Emiko their freshman year

dropped the sport for academic and familial pursuits (also cause he was not about to major in fucking business)

We’re gonna pretend I know why the hell I decided having an Em (Moriyama) and Em (Wesninski) was a good idea cause I did create them at the same time but honestly? fuck if I know.

Pretending I can do math I think there’s a six year gap between Neil and Emeryk. Or at least it’s around there. So when Mary and Neil went on the run Emeryk was 16 years old and pretty deeply involved in his father’s business. Not that he enjoyed it. He and Mary knew there was a far smaller chance of success survival with three of them instead of two and Neil had the better chance. So he told her to just him and go, with only a little resentment.

Emeryk escapes some of the worst parts of his father’s work through a series of deals with the Moriyama’s, specifically Ichirou. He and Ichirou aren’t far apart in age and now he of course wonders what the hell was doing, but he would rather have indebted himself to Ichirou over Kengo. And he knew one day Ichirou would be in charge, he just didn’t expect it to be quite so soon.

So instead of getting sucked in deeper (to the Wesninski’s business at least), he’s able to somewhat save himself. He enrolls in Edgar Allan University at 18 and doesn’t sign a contract to play with the Ravens. Despite it he and Emiko still become friends and he has some, albeit limited, interaction with Kevin, Riko, and Jean.

He studies criminal justice and goes on to study law. All of it, of course, being put towards working for the Moriyama’s. But at least he’s not actively killing people.

He spends a lot of his time covering up any tracks Mary and Neil leave behind. Whenever he can find them, he knows that means someone else will, and he does his best to remove any sort of paper trail or hint to their existence. Even if it’s just confusing Nathan’s men. Anything that gives them enough time to create a new identity and move.

He’s not exactly happy about it but he does feel like it’s part of what he agreed to years ago. So he lets the resentment build and does it anyway.

And when Neil shows up at Palmetto, seemingly not even trying to be subtle, he is so fucking pissed. Everything’s undone. He can run his mouth and mess things up as much as he wants but he knows it’s only a matter of time.

By the time Baltimore occurs Emeryk is so far removed from the Wesninski’s and so deeply involved with the Moriyama’s that he doesn’t even see it coming. At least not fast enough. When Stuart reaches out to him he reluctantly agrees to work with the FBI, temporarily, to find Nathan.

That’s the first time Neil and Emeryk see each other in years. Emeryk’s pretty sure Neil doesn’t remember half of it, blacked out from pain. And he sure as fuck wasn’t going to stick around to visit him in the hospital. He gets out of there with the intent of talking to the least amount of cops he can.

He forms a bit of a relationship with Neil after that. Mostly “don’t talk to cops”, “seriously get a fucking lawyer”, “have you considered not running your damn mouth?”, and the like. But ultimately he doesn’t give a shit what Neil gets up to. Not his business (though he can’t help but keep a worried eye on him to make sure he’s not getting into too much trouble. He spent too long doing it to stop. And if it has the added benefit of seeing his brother happy and healthy, somewhere he can call home, no one else to needs to know)

While Emeryk didn’t wind up a full blown serial killer he’s still a worse person than like Emiko. He’s very much out to save his own skin. He’ll always go with his best chance of survival. For now that lies with the Moriyama’s. But if a better opportunity ever presented itself he’d take it in a heartbeat.

And idk that’s just a little bit about Em (Wesninski) who I made 4-ish years ago and forgot about until now

[autumn-foxfire]

Wearing my Van Gogh sunflowers pajamas to watch movie 19: the hellfire sunflowers! What's not to love about this film, Art and KID.

Kaito spotted!

The amount of money the rich have disgusts me. I like Jirokichi but I know that this is really how the rich spend their money while the rest of the world suffers.

To be able to make Kamen Yaiba out of a watermelon is impressive.

Ai calling out Shinichi for his interest in art more than the professors invention (I don't blame him), I love thier friendship.

Sonoko has said she's not really interested in taking on the family name but she would be good at the job. It's no wonder that Jirokichi chose her to accompany him to make this announcement.

Shinichi is so close to the screen T-T The boys is obssessed. I don't blame him though.

Shinichi is so goddamn dramatic. "I only saw that for a moment but was that really my husband?" as the camera spins around him. If that was Kaito than DAAAMN. We don't appreciate his mad skills enough.

And he's slipped into his favourite disguise, his husband.

I love women looking out for other women. We vibe.

Ran's outfit is very cute for a change.

Kaito seeing Sonoko on the phone: Well, that's my cue to leave.

Shinichi you know your husband wouldn't put people in danger like that. Shame on you!

Kaito: The things I do for art (and my assistant).

The should be thanking Kaito, really, he just saved that piece of art.

SONOKO CALLING OUT TO RAN T-T SHE LOVES HER SO MUCH. She doesn't know if they'll survive and her last thoughts are for her closest friend. Fuck I adore that.

Shinichi after avoiding being hit by an airplane: I think my life just flashed before my eyes.

I love how the Shinichi's priorities are KID while Ran's are her friends.

Ran really thought you just fucking DIED Shinichi. And Shinichi is too busy with Kaito T-T I hurt for her but also I just want to scream about how when Kaito is in the picture, he has Shinichi's complete attention like a man possessed.

Round two with the Iron Tanuki.

The one thing the movies do that is close to canon is having Shinichi show so little care for Ran's feelings and I wish they wouldn't. Can he not be such an awful friend to her.

Sonoko and Kaito need to be come friends. Kaito deserves a friend like her who will defend him to the death.

Shinichi is also aware there is something off about what's happening with KID and wants to discover the mystery his husband is leaving for him.

Come on kids T-T Look at the other pieces of art! It's not often you get to see such amazing pieces.

I know this old women is important to the plot but can we not imply romance just from two people who trust one another greatly. I adore Shinichi and Ai's relationship because they're partners in crime and have promised to watch each other's backs.

Be careful of this transport service, the last one borrowed Scream for a picture in his house.

Kogoro: Stop making noise!

Shinichi: I'm literally fucking helping you useless drunk.

Shinichi is so confused about what's going on T-T Poor guy's like "this isn't like my husband..."

Of course the American is like "I need a gun".

Well, at least Charlie is acknowledging that Shinichi is useful and is helping him look at the screens.

And he was right because only Shinichi would notice something so small.

Kaito is like: I'm going to redistribute all this wealth!

Well done king. I hope people managed to grab a few of the bills.

I don't think this is how Jirokichi wants to be remembered XD

When you can't extort a ticket from Agasa, go to the ones running the competition XD

The children should be grateful Shinichi is so obsessed with Kaito as they only got the tickets because he's useful to Jirokichi.

Shinichi: Kill my husband and I will make you regret it

Ah, that's Jii.

At least Kaito is playing the role of Shinichi very well, avoiding his love interest to the best of his ability.

Thank you Ai for being a responsible guardian for the children. I don't know why you were the only one made to do so. I know why Ran has gone with Shinichi and Sonoko, but she should have stayed behind to look after them to ensure their safety.

Shinichi has finally figured out why his husband is being weird. It took him the whole movie

I was going to say this movie lacked murder. Nevermind, though it's never shown on screen. Well, it's not much of a murder but more self-defence even if the brother never meant to kill him, he was still using a gun.

KAITO MY BABY T-T

Kaito: SHINICHI TELL ME YOU'RE NOT!

Shinichi: I am! (Kicks debris at the painting)

And they have Ran's incredibly strength to free it.

He's jealous that he's not the one hugging Kaito :p

Awww, Kaito really was relying on Shinichi to figure it out. It's no wonder the next movie has them properly team up.

Stop flirting with one another! Your lives are in danger!

Shinichi stop taking credit for Kaito's work. He saved the sunflowers. Well he and Ran.

Shinichi is just calling out this woman's bullshit. This is what happens when people believe they're better than mutlple experts (cough what happened with Covid).

Kaito: GODDAMNIT IT SHINICHI!

And there's the necessary forced Ran and Shinichi romance. At least it happened between her and KID so it was more like filling the quota.

Kaito: Please say you made it out, Shinichi.

KAITO ABOUT TO REVEAL HIMSELF DESPITE THE DANGER HE'S IN HIMSELF BECAUSE HE'S CONCERNED FOR SHINICHI T-T

What would have made this movie better if Kaito did just rush out of the trees and into the water to save Shinichi. He's done it before.

Movie Kogoro is being a decent and caring guardian. You only see it rarely.

I just want to appreciate how good he looks.

LMAO KAITO STOLE AGASA'S TICKET. I THOUGHT HE JUST TOOK THE ONE SONOKO GOT FOR SHINICHI.

[divinekangaroo]

I’m baffled as to why Tommy married Lizzie really. She is unsuitable to be a politician’s wife, a mistress on the side surely would have been fine, it's even norm. It is no way a good strategy or helps his reputation.

Agree! There was no strategic gain for him at all. It might nominally help his reputation with some working class voters, that he married within his class and not above it, but I don't know how that works if Lizzie's reputation as a prostitute was well known. Either way this nominal reputational boost with one demographic is not likely significant enough to be any part of his decision making. I feel there had to be some level of personal care for her in there, and a desire to do something for her, as well as his strong sense of family, because otherwise why would he marry her?

Based on cues in the canon, there's possible motivation including:

his strong cultural and personal sense of responsibility to family given Lizzie has his child - he's demonstrated this sense of family before with Grace, because as soon as he learned Grace was pregnant in S2, he went immediately to marriage. This was different to his conversations with S1 Grace where he was satisifed with a relationship and not marriage. (And even his S2 pre-pregnancy conversations with Grace, where he seemed satisifed with an affair. And the way he brought Duke into the picture.) His children are very important to him!

an acknowledment/respect for Lizzie's unashamed willingness to be a single mother to his child, and all the stigma that carries on top of her past; marrying her would be the least he could do to help erase that stigma for her. Noting no amount of money would erase the stigma of single motherhood given his and her class of origin. These social privileges to the mistresses of upper class men do not apply to the mistresses of working class men who've acquired money.

he was feeling really fucked up at the end of S4, and Lizzie's helped him with comfort/care through other times when he was feeling really fucked up. Apart from being his regular pre S1, when his war trauma would have been the worst, in S2 Lizzie features with this one observable sexual event where he was with her immediately after Polly told him to get over Grace, and immediately before he had to do an assassination he didn't want to. S3 he clearly articulates she stopped his heart from breaking. Lizzie (and sex with Lizzie) represents some kind of easy, accessible physical comfort/softness for him between slices of hell.

some kind of guilt at how he'd treated her in the past (John, Epsom) when here she was, prepared to be a single mother to his child with no shame.

he actually likes her - S2 he goes to a special effort to elevate her out of being a prostitute, even when she was probably barely capable of the role at that point, S3 features several elements suggesting he trusts her significantly, S4 they have relaxed conversations despite all the shit going on, even in S5 in the middle of the worst and cutting at each other verbally, they both mutually decide to still try to find some middle ground where they can stay together, which suggests they have a lot of non-sexual/conversational history not shown on screen. They also have several almost comedic moments of chemistry in S4 and S5 which ties back to liking, too.

I 100% feel Ruby was the trigger for the marriage, no matter any other motivation, I don't think he'd marry her if there was no child. But he had to have more than *just* the child to go so far as marriage, hence the above.

I think, given Lizzie was the one he took to the bridge which was his 'can I still do good things the way Greta and I used to speak about' moment, this sort of symbolic link carried through Ruby's conception, he might have also thought marrying Lizzie would be a gesture of 'doing a good thing.' There is a constant theme in the series, and Tommy even clearly and verbally articulates it in S5, that when Tommy tries to do a good thing, people get hurt. Hence the weight of his regret for marrying Lizzie as expressed in S6 -- marrying her, which he likely saw as a good act, resulted in Lizzie's anguish and exposed her to hurt by both Tommy personally in his emotional closed-off state, and via the acts Tommy was doing in trying to sabotage Mosley, which he would not deviate from even when conscious of the hurt it would cause Lizzie.

[pandenewie]

GAMEBOY

SYNOPSIS:

Heeseung visits the same Gamestop every Tuesday and Thursday after his afternoon lecture. Not only because of the hidden gems he finds in the two for one sales bin, but also because of the insanely cute worker who just picked up that shift…

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!oc

GENRE: nonidol!au, college!au, slow burn, strangers to ???, fluff, angst (light)

WORD COUNT: 6.9k

AN: This is a special chapter for my Sunghoon smau “Diary of a Homewrecker” which you can read here :) You don’t need to read the smau to understand this fic. Can be read as x reader if you want, just change the name to y/n :)

Read part 2 here :))

Everyone who knows Lee Heeseung knows that he’s not the most… romantic of people. Not to say he doesn’t try - the amount of rom coms in his Netflix “Watch again” section could put your average 15 year old girl to shame. But despite the amount of “research” he’s done, all Heeseung’s relationships tend to end before they even begin. Maybe some people just aren’t cut out for romance. And some people just don’t know when to quit…

“I know you think I’m crazy but I promise you, we were flirting.” Heeseung repeats, for probably the 5th time since he got in the car. After years of friendship with the older boy, Jay knows it’s best to just hum and nod in agreement whenever Heeseung get’s like this. Heeseung is a handsome dude. So honestly, the chance of some random girl at their college campus flirting with him is quite large. But is it worth making this much of a fuss about it? Absolutely not.

This is how it always goes with Heeseung. He’ll show interest in someone, talk about them non-stop for a few days, go on a date or two if he’s lucky, before the whole thing ends within about a week. It’s a pattern the boys have become very familiar with - so much that there’s a shared schedule between the other 6 friends for who’s on “Heartbroken Heeseung Duty”.

Jay knows this won’t end any differently from the other times Heeseung has found “the one”. Hell, the whole world probably knows at this point. But with Heeseung being such a hopeless romantic and the glimmer of hope in his eyes as he recounts the story once again, Jay doesn’t have the heart to tell him.

It’s not creepy. At least that’s what Heeseung tries to tell himself, as he walks through the sliding doors of the all-too-familiar Gamestop. He’s certainly no stranger to this place - the cream coloured brick and vibrant “For Sale” signs giving a sense of familiarity. Hell, this place is like a second home at this point. So why does Heeseung feel so anxious today?

Well for starters, it’s Friday. Which marks this momentous occasion as his third Gamestop trip this week. Although many would argue that Heeseung has a gaming addiction, three trips in one week is definitely a first.

Despite Heeseung’s life being what many would call a mess, he has very few routines that he absolutely swears by. Visit Gamestop on Tuesday after his lecture, pick out the games he wants to buy, and hide them at the very bottom of the sales bin. Then, once he gets paid Wednesday night, he’ll come back on Thursday to buy the games. That’s the way it’s been since he started university and it’s something he never planned on changing. That was until he saw her.

Now Heeseung never really paid much attention to the workers at Gamestop. They were usually socially awkward teens just trying to make a few bucks and therefore never stood out to him. Until this week…

As soon as the familiar beep of the sliding doors rings through the air, Heeseung makes a b-line for the sales bin at the back of the store. The shop is as quiet as it normally is at 2pm on a Tuesday, leaving Heeseung to comfortably browse before having to pick Ni-ki up from school at 3.

Just as he is deciding between two games, he feels a presence come up behind him - making him internally groan at the thought of communication with another person. But a sudden cherry voice breaks through his sour mood, causing his ears to prick up at the melodic sound.

“Hi! Is there anything I can help you with today?” 

Heeseung turns around to find himself face to face with one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen. With big sparkling eyes and a grin that seems to light up the room - honest to god, if she weren’t standing right before his very eyes, he’d assume she wasn’t real. But as her head tilts in slight confusion - the bright smile not leaving her face, he releases that she is in fact real and he is in fact staring.

Clearing his throat nervously, Heeseung looks away from the girl - suddenly finding some co-op game on the shelf incredibly interesting. “J-just looking, thanks.” He manages to let out, mentally cursing himself for the stutter and waver in his voice.

The girl's smile seems to grow even more, if that’s even possible. Her eyes crinkle as she gently bows to Heeseung. “Ok, if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask. I’ll just be at the front desk.” She says before retreating to her former position.

Heeseung lets out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding as he watches her walk away. That had to be one of the most awkward interactions he’d had in a while. And yet, he’d do almost anything to experience it again. Because no amount of awkwardness could override the pure warmth he felt in the presence of the strange girl.

So here he stands on a Friday afternoon, mindlessly flicking through the games he has no intention of buying as his gaze focuses once again on the girl at the counter. Part of him is just happy to see her face. The way her eyes light up when a customer purchases a game she’s particularly interested in. The way she laughs and jokes around with her coworkers when the store’s a little quiet. But another part of him wishes it was him. That he’s the one she enthuses over games with. He’s the one making her laugh as if he’s just told the best joke of the decade. For now though, he’s more than happy just to watch. 

It’s not creepy.

“It is kinda creepy hyung.” Ni-ki mumbles from his position on the couch. Although his focus appears to be on the game he is currently playing, he couldn’t help but listen intently as Heeseung retold the events of his Gamestop trip.

“Hey! I’m not creepy!” Heeseung exclaims in offence, causing his younger friend to roll his eyes. “I never said you were creepy, just that your actions are.” Ni-ki states matter-of-factly. “Because you’d be so much better.” Heeseung bites back, ripping the controller out of his friend’s hand when the flashing “You Died” comes across the screen. Ni-ki scowls at his hyung as he lays back into the couch. “At least I can talk to girls.” He mumbles, thankful that his friend doesn’t hear the words.

A few weeks pass until Heeseung see’s who his friends have affectionately dubbed “Gamestop Girl” again. Not once in those weeks did she leave his mind; a pang of disappointment hitting his chest each time he entered the store, only to find some pimply high schooler instead. But boy, were those weeks of disappointment worth it for the image in front of him.

Heeseung didn’t think that she could get any brighter - any more perfect. Her warm and cheerful smile was now matched with the golden glow of her skin, indicating a possible vacation (which would explain her weeks of absence). Her hair, slightly longer than before though not enough for the regular person to notice. Heeseung noticed. To put it simply, she was absolutely breathtaking.

“Sale bin guy!”

The sudden exclamation breaks Heeseung out of his thoughts as he looks around the room for the origin of the sound. As his eyes land back on the girl, he sees her already looking at him with her familiar smile. That’s when it dawns on him that he is in fact “Sale Bin Guy”.

“Uh.. what?” Heeseung stutters out as she makes her way towards him. “You always come for the sale bin, right? There’s some nice hidden gems in there - I was actually just on my way to restock it.” She rambles on, walking to the back of the store where the bin is located. Heeseung’s feet seem to move on their own as he follows her to the back of the store.

“So, are you looking for anything particular today?” She asks as she begins filling the sale bin with all sorts of games. “I was kinda hoping you’d have Halo - one of my friend’s has been begging me to play.” He says, taking note of each game as she puts them in the bin. “We have Halo, not on sale though. It’s super popular so it’s usually full price unfortunately.” She says, sending him a quick sympathetic smile. Heeseung immediately decides he doesn’t like this smile as much.

“That’s why I haven’t got it yet, it doesn't really fit my broke college student aesthetic.” He jokes, feeling a sense of pride when she giggles a little. “Maybe if you weren’t buying the sale games every week you could save up for Halo.” She says, causing Heeseung to laugh sheepishly. “I’ve got a feral teenager at home who goes through games like he’s getting paid so… I’ll stick to the sale bin for now.” Heeseung says. Although it isn’t a joke, the girl laughs anyway and that sense of pride shoots through Heeseung once again.

The pair continue to make small talk as Heeseung looks through the games and he only suddenly realises that she’s wearing a nametag. Whilst trying to be as subtle as possible, he glances down at the tag and smiles as he reads the name - Ari.

“Ari, huh?” Jay asks, not even remotely enthusiastic to be talking about his friend’s love life. This one has lasted much longer than the others, he’ll give him that. But it’s not like this has actually gone anyway either.

“Isn’t it just perfect?” Heeseung sighs, his lovestruck tone making Jay want to vomit. “And how many times have you spoken to her?” He asks, causing Heeseung to blush with embarrassment. “Well… technically twice. If you count the first one.” He mumbles, making Jay snicker. “And you’re already head over heels for her? That’s weird, even for you.” Jay says, making Heeseung roll his eyes.

“Didn’t you tell your ex that you loved them after like, 2 days?” Heeseung asks. Now it’s Jay’s turn to roll his eyes - his past relationship often being brought up in an attempt to prove a point. “At least I was dating them! What do you even know about this girl aside from where she works?” Jay asks, going back on topic.

Heeseung stays silent as the realisation hits that he, in fact, knows nothing about Ari. Well that certainly needs to change.

“Can you request some games?” Heeseung asks, practically interrupting Ari as she went to greet him. She looks at him a little in shock before breaking out into her all familiar smile. “Well nice to see you too, what sort of thing are you after?” She asks. “Anything? I just got a Nintendo Switch and all I have is Super Smash Bros and this one about a cup.” Heeseung says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Cuphead? Yeah that one can be kinda weird for new players.” Ari giggles slightly before taking Heeseung towards the switch games.

“Well, I’m certainly the girl you’re looking for; me and my switch are basically attached at the hip.” Ari jokes as she looks at the games they have lining the shelves. “You said you already have Smash Bros which would be one of my go-tos. Another would probably be Animal Crossing which you’ve no doubt heard of?” Ari asks, turning back to see Heeseung nod enthusiastically. “Yeah, so that’s super fun if you’re into more chill games. I personally find it very therapeutic but I can also spend all day playing it so you’ve gotta be careful.”

“Then there’s super well known games like Legends of Zelda, Sonic, and other Mario games. They’re the typical ones that you would get in a beginner switch pack. Zelda’s probably my favourite out of those ones but the others are good too.”

“There’s also a whole punch of Pokemon games. I’m probably not the best to recommend those since I know nothing about Pokemon aside from the fact that they’re cute. But I’ve heard they’re good so if you’re into that it’s worth a try.”

Heeseung honestly feels like he should be taking notes with the amount of information Ari is spitting at him. It’s very clear that she rambles when she gets excited, which Heeseung can’t help but smile at.

“So… see any you like?” Ari asks, beaming up at him as her rant comes to an end. “Uh… I’ll be honest I kinda blanked out. You’re just like… really cute.” Heeseung admits, mumbling the last part. If Ari heard it, she certainly acts like she didn’t as she playfully rolls her eyes at him. “How about you start with Animal Crossing and Zelda? Those are my favourites.” She suggests. “Plus, they’re on sale right now, so perfect for a broke college student.” She adds, a slight teasing tone in her voice. Heeseung just nods in agreement as he follows her up to the counter.

“I’m Heeseung by the way.” Heeseung suddenly says as she’s checking out his items. He’s not sure why he tells her his name - maybe it’s just an excuse to keep talking? “Nice to meet you Heeseung, I’m Ari but you probably already know that.” She says smiling. “Yeah… it’s a really beautiful name.” He says without thinking, causing her smile to widen as she thanks him.

“I’ll tell you what, Heeseung.” Ari says, grabbing a pen as his receipt starts to print out. Once printed, she flips over to the blank side and starts writing something down. “That’s my Nintendo ID and Discord. Animal Crossing can be multiplayer, so once you’ve established your island a little… I’d love to have a look.” She says.

“I can’t believe you’re ditching us to play Animal Crossing with some chick.” Jake grumbles as he pushes his way into Heeseung’s apartment. Sunghoon quickly follows suit, sending Heeseung a disapproving look before sitting on the couch. “I literally see you guys all the time and I don’t know when I’ll get to play with her again. Don’t act like you guys wouldn’t do the exact same thing.” Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Jake wouldn’t know, he’s never had a girlfriend.” Sunghoon teases, causing Jake to shove his shoulder. “Says the guy who can’t even talk to his crush!” A mini fight breaks out between the boys, causing Heeseung to rub his temples in frustration.

“What are you guys even doing here? I text the groupchat this morning that I couldn’t come.” Heeseung says. “They’re here for me. Not everything’s about you, hyung.” Niki pokes his tongue at the oldest friend, causing Heeseung to roll his eyes yet again. “You’re right. How silly of me to think people came to my house to see me.” Heeseung says sarcastically. “Feel free to leave him wherever you’re going. It’d be nice to have my couch back.” Heeseung continues, picking up the pillow Niki sleeps with and throwing it at his youngest friend.

Once the guys have left the house, Heeseung lets out a sigh of relief at the sudden silence. The short amount of chaos from his friends managed to distract him from how nervous he is. He quickly glances at the clock on the wall - 5:50. 10 minutes until Ari’s shift finishes. 10 minutes until he’ll be showing her his progress in Animal Crossing.

Realistically, there’s nothing to be nervous about. He won’t be able to see her face so he can’t get distracted by her beautiful features. Plus he has the game to focus on and hopefully stop him from saying anything stupid. Everything will be fine.

“Heeseung! Can you hear me?” Ari’s cheery voice blasts through his headphones, sending a spark of energy right to Heeseung’s heart. Ok, maybe everything won’t be fine. “I uh… yeah.” Heeseung manages, clearing his throat. “Ok cool. I’m just loading into your island. Where do you want to meet me?” She asks. “Um… I have a cherry blossom tree at the front of my island. I’ll wait there.” Heeseung says, smiling to himself as Ari goes on a mini rant about how cute the cherry blossoms are in the game.

As the two of them continue to explore Heeseung’s island, Ari seems to carry the conversation. She’s letting out praises for how well he’s done despite not playing that long, talking about her favourite parts of the island, and cracking jokes about certain villagers. Heeseung finds himself happily content with just listening to her, responding with hums of agreement and the occasional sentence when asked a question.

“Sorry, I know I talk a lot. You can tell me to shut up if I’m too annoying.” Ari jokes, causing Heeseung’s face to fall. Although she played it off as a joke, part of him thinks that she’s being serious. “Don’t apologize. I like listening to you talk. Especially since I suck at it.” Heeseung reassures. He hopes she knows he means it. The thought of someone like her thinking she’s annoying is just wrong.

“Ok. But I want you to talk too.” Ari says. “What should I talk about?” Heeseung asks, his nerves coming back now that he’s been put on the spot. “I just rambled about my childhood dog for 5 minutes cause a villager reminded me of him. You can talk about anything.” Ari assures.

So Heeseung rambles on about anything that comes to mind. University, work, his friends being stupid, even that one time he had to break into his own house because he accidentally threw his keys in the trash. The game became long forgotten as the two get caught up in learning more about each other.

Heeseung doesn’t even notice the time, until he hears the front door of his apartment open. Ni-ki soon walks into Heeseung’s room, eyes widening when he sees that he’s still talking to that girl. 

“Oh? It’s my roommate.” Heeseung says into his mic, attempting to shoo Ni-ki out of his room. Dodging Heeseung’s waving arm, Ni-ki pulls the headphones off his head, yelling a quick hello into the mic before Heeseung fights him off. “Get out you rat.” Heeseung whisper-yells, adjusting the headphones so they’re back in their original position. The sound of Ari’s laughter quickly fills his eardrums, causing a dopey smile to spread across his face. “Simp.” Ni-ki scoffs before leaving to find something to eat.

“I’m guessing that’s the feral teenager?” Ari asks, causing Heeseung to sigh. “Yeah… he can be a lot. I guess I love him though.” Heeseung says, checking the time to see that it is in fact quite late. “I should probably go eat something. And make sure he doesn’t burn down my apartment.” Heeseung sighs, not wanting to stop talking but equally not wanting to starve. Or find himself homeless. “I should probably go too. I’ve got an early class tomorrow.” Ari agrees. “I had a lot of fun tonight. We should do this again.” She continues, causing Heeseung to agree a little too quickly. “Ok well, go feed your feral teenager. I’ll talk to you later Heeseung.” Ari says, disconnecting the call after Heeseung lets out a small “goodbye”

Playing together soon becomes a natural thing for Heeseung and Ari. It started with her visiting his Animal Crossing island without him knowing - leaving small presents for him to find later. That led to a game of hide and seek on each other’s islands, where they would call and time each other to see how quickly they could find each other’s presents. Now, fast forward a few weeks and the two have just started a minecraft server - which Ari affectionately named “Gamestop Besties”.

Besties. Heeseung hates that word. He’d call Jay and Ni-ki his besties. He’d call Sunghoon and Jake his besties. Heck, he’d even call his mum his bestie if she didn’t smack him for it. But the thought of him and Ari being besties honestly terrifies him. Because part of him thinks that’s all they’ll ever be. Besties.

“What the fuck?” Heeseung exclaims, his eyes furrowing in confusion as his character walks back to what once was his and Ari’s beautifully built Minecraft house. He says was because half the house is now missing, with a large hole in the wall. “Creeper.” Ari admits. “I forgot they existed.” She continues. “How do you forget about Creepers?” Heeseung laughs. “Well I didn’t have to deal with them until someone killed my cat.” Ari states.

A moment of silence falls between the two before Heeseung sighs. “I’ll get you a new cat.” He says, walking off to try and find a village. “I’ll start rebuilding the house… and make you a new bed.” Ari mumbles the last part, causing Heeseung to gasp. “You blew up my bed?!?”

It’s been almost a week since Ari and Heeseung last played Minecraft together. Now, for most people that’s not considered a long amount of time. But for people who have been playing together nearly everyday, it’s a big deal. She hasn’t been responding to messages either, which has Heeseung especially worried.

Heeseung gets woken from his sleep by a discord notification. For a second, he considers ignoring it and going back to sleep. That’s until he remembers that he only has notifications on for Ari’s messages.

Heeseung practically jumps out of bed, quickly shoving on the glasses he hates wearing before sitting down at his computer. His eyes take a bit of time to adjust to the bright light before he is able to read the messages:

Aristocat: Hey sorry for not replying. Just had some personal stuff going on ://

Heebeejeebee: u okay?

Aristocat: Uh?? I think?? Idk my boyfriend and I broke up lol

Aristocat: But I’m allgoods now

Heeseung’s eyes widen at the message. She had a boyfriend this whole time? Why didn’t she think to tell him? He can’t help but feel like an idiot for not knowing.

Heebeejeebee: Oh. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend?

Aristocat: Yeah haha I didn’t talk about him

Aristocat: Was gonna wait until we weren’t having problems

Aristocat: But it doesn’t matter now ig

Heebeejeebee: How are you feeling?

Aristocat: Sad lol

Aristocat: I can’t sleep

Aristocat: Can we play minecraft?

Heebeejeebee: Yeah just one sec

Ari fell asleep at her computer not long after loading into their shared world. Partially due to the fact that it was well past midnight. But Heeseung likes to think that it’s because the sound of his voice - spoken in soft whispers as to not wake up Ni-ki, was able to lull her to sleep. The quiet “thank you” she let out before drifting off to dream land certainly made it seem like it.

Nothing gets one's mind off falling in love with a friend quite like alcohol does. As Heeseung downs his sixth shot of night and asks Ni-ki to grab him yet another beer, his friends start to think that something’s up.

“I’m a pussy.” Heeseung groans, setting his empty shot glass down on the table. “No arguments there.” Sunghoon chimes in, earning him a few glares from their other friends. “What? He’s getting all mopey over something that hasn’t even happened. Sounds like bitchless behaviour to me.” Sunghoon argues, the pink flush to his cheeks showing he’s not far off from Heeseung’s drunkenness.

“Maybe you should have some water hyung.” Jungwon suggests, attempting to get Heeseung out of his chair. “You don’t think I’m bitchless, do you Wonie?” Heeseung asks, grabbing the younger boy’s hand and looking deeply into his eyes. Almost pleading with him. “Uh.. well you are single so… technically?” Jungwon grimaces at the sound of Heeseung’s head banging against the table, a loud whine escaping his lips. He soon goes on a rant about how much of a loser he is, Jungwon rubbing his back sympathetically as he looks to his older friends for help.

None of them knows what to do. Heeseung’s dramatic sometimes, sure. And he’s certainly known to get a bit over the top when he’s drinking, but he’s never been like this. Sure, they know he’s crushing on Gamestop Girl. But this is the first time he’s gotten so worked up over someone. It leaves them thinking that his feelings for Ari are a lot stronger than he’s letting on.

Fun fact, Heeseung is a sloppy drunk. This is evident in the way that he can barely stand up by himself, needing both Ni-ki and Ari to carry him out of Jay’s apartment. “My car’s just across the street.” Ari says, pointing at one of the few cars parked at this time of night.

When she first got the call from Heeseung that night, she was excited. But as he started to mumble incoherent words through the line, she quickly realised that he was drunk. The phone was soon taken over by his roommate Ni-ki - who quickly explained the situation. So here she is, driving home her drunk friend and his teenage roommate at 2 in the morning.

“Sorry again Noona. Jay was gonna give us a ride but he got tricked into doing shots with Jake.” Ni-ki apologises, causing Ari to wave him off nonchalantly, smiling gently at the younger boy. “It’s fine. I wasn’t doing anything important. Besides, at least this way I know he’s getting home safe.” Ari states, readjusting her grip around Heeseung’s torso to stop him from falling.

Once Heeseung is safely in the backseat, Ni-ki gives directions to their apartment. Ari finds herself looking through the rearview mirror at Heeseung’s sleeping figure throughout the drive. He was still awake and functioning when he called her, so the fact that he managed to drink enough to pass out since then is worrying. 

By the time they’ve made it to the apartment, Heeseung has woken up a little. Although his eyes are still closed - he is at least responding to his name now, humming lowly and nodding his head whenever the word falls from someone’s lips.

The two carefully carry Heeseung up the stairs to his apartment, laying him down in his room. Ni-ki leaves to get his hyung some water, leaving Ari sitting at the foot of Heeseung’s bed. She gently wipes away the hair that has stuck to his forehead and tugs his shirt down that had ridden up, revealing some of his stomach.

“Heeseung?” Ari asks, causing the boy to hum at the sound of her voice - a dopey smile adorning his lips. “Ni-ki’s getting you some water. Can you sit up?” She asks, lacing her fingers through his and attempting to pull him into a sitting position. Heeseung allows her to move him around, dropping his head onto her shoulder with a thud.

“Be careful.” Ari softly scolds, bringing her hand to gently rub the part of his head he hit on her shoulder. The two find themselves in comfortable silence as they wait for Ni-ki to return. 

“Ari?” Heeseung asks quietly, his words muffled slightly as he presses his face further into her neck. “Did you do this kinda stuff with your boyfriend?” He continues. Her fingers halt their movement at the sudden question, causing Heeseung to whine and press his head further into her hand.

Ari’s not sure what to answer. Does he mean look after him when he’s drunk? Is it the fact that she’s caressing his head? Heeseung sighs at her silence, mumbling a quiet nevermind before completely pulling away to lay down on the bed. Ari watches him for a moment, confusion written all over her features as she processes what just happened. Part of her knows exactly what he meant, after all, Heeseung isn’t the most subtle person in the world. She immediately shoves that thought down though, not emotionally ready to unpack it just yet.

Finally, Ni-ki returns with the water and gives Ari the greenlight to go home. Part of her wants to stay and make sure Heeseung’s okay, but she finds herself walking out of the apartment before she can even think of an excuse not to.

“Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.” Heeseung exclaims, resting his head on the table in the kitchen. He can remember everything from the night before, and he’s not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse. Ni-ki pats his friend’s back sympathetically but offers no further help to the situation. 

“Do I text her and apologise? Or do I wait for her to bring it up? What if she doesn’t remember and bringing it up only makes things worse? Wait, she was sober so of course she remembers!” Heeseung throws his head back in frustration, letting out a loud groan. “I am never getting out of the friendzone.” He whines, causing Ni-ki to roll his eyes. “You’re hopeless, hyung.” Ni-ki sighs before returning to the game he’s playing on his phone.

Trying to pretend everything is normal proves to be a difficult task. Heeseung remembers very clearly what he said to Ari the night he got drunk. He knows the implications behind his words and part of him wonders if Ari knows too.

She’s been normal, for the most part. Her voice, just as cheery when the two play games. Her smile, just as bright when they facetime late into the night. Everything seems fine on her end, and Heeseung can’t help but feel that maybe he’s the problem.

“Are you still awake?” Ari’s voice sounds through his phone speakers, snapping Heeseung out of his thoughts. “Yeah… I didn’t think you were.” Heeseung admits, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He grabs his phone from where it’s resting on his nightstand, holding it so she can see his face more clearly. “Can’t sleep.” Ari admits; a small smile on her lips when Heeseung’s face comes into focus. “I feel restless.” She adds, slightly laughing in disbelief. 

You’d think after a day of uni, a five hour shift and multiple hours spent gaming, she’d have run out of energy by now. But here she lays at an unspeakable hour in the morning, not an ounce of tiredness in her body.

“Restless?” Heeseung asks, intrigued. “Yeah… like I need to get out of the house or something.” Ari sighs, running her hands through her hair. A moment of silence passes between them before Ari sighs once more.

“I think I’m gonna go for a drive. Clear my mind.” She says, picking up her phone as she goes on a hunt for her car keys. “Okay.” Heeseung says, his heart falling a bit at the thought of her hanging up.

Another moment of silence…

“Do you want to come?”

Sat in the passenger seat of Ari’s car, Heeseung feels his heart being pulled in two different directions. On one hand, he gets to spend more time with the woman he’s grown to love. He gets to bask in her presence, her scent sending his heart into a peaceful bliss. On the other hand, she isn’t as warm as normal. Her voice, not as cherry; her smile, not as bright. It’s as if someone has taken all the light from her heart. And thus, breaking Heeseung’s at the same time.

The car is fairly silent, some random radio station playing softly in the background. Neither Heeseung nor Ari make any move to start conversation - finding solace in the comfortable silence.

As the two pull into a nearly abandoned car park, Ari sits back in her chair - running her hands through her hair once more. Something she does when she’s stressed, Heeseung’s noticed.

“Is everything okay?” Heeseung asks, watching her from the passenger seat. He’s been watching her since she picked him up, her movements, mannerisms, the way she gently hums along to the radio when she knows a certain song. All things that would usually bring a smile to Heeseung’s face. But not tonight - not when there’s clearly something wrong.

Ari hums gently in response, turning in her seat to face Heeseung. Her eyes are tired, though still shimmering in a way that would put the entire galaxy to shame. “Have you ever given so much of yourself to someone, only for it to not be enough?” She asks softly. Heeseung can’t help the way he softly bites his lip, nodding gently to her question. “I think I know what you mean.” He says.

It’s one of Heeseung’s greatest fears, not being enough. Giving your everything to someone, to live, think and breathe all for them, only to have it all to be gone in the blink of an eye. It’s the reason Heeseung has never been in a serious relationship - as much as he is obsessed with the idea of falling in love, he’s scared. Because Heeseung falls hard and fast, and he wonders if there’s anyone in the world willing to fall with him.

Ari is everything Heeseung has ever wished for in human form. She feels and expresses her emotions more than anyone he has ever met. It’s what made her so different from everyone else he’s been interested in. Because some childish part of him believes in fate. And god, does this seem like it.

“You spaced out again.” Ari comments, causing Heeseung to sheepishly rub the back of his neck, mumbling a small apology. “I don’t suppose you have a remedy for a broken heart in that interesting head of yours?” Ari asks. She brings her finger up to gently poke between Heeseung’s brows, the furrow he didn’t even know about immediately fading.

“Me”

Heeseung is an idiot. The mix of shock and confusion on Ari’s face confirms that he did, in fact, say that out loud. His expression can’t help but mirror hers as he racks his brain for something… anything to say that can fix this. Is it even worth attempting to play it off? Or should he just man up and confess? He’s basically already started… so might as well give her an explanation.

“Fuck Ari… I just can’t stand to see you like this. Knowing that I could love you more than he ever did. Treat you better than he ever did. It pains me to think that he would just throw you away like you’re nothing, when there are people like me… people who would do anything to just hold you and feel you and love you.”

“You are so bright and warm and radiant and just so pretty. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on. And I know you don’t believe me, which makes you even more beautiful in my eyes.”

“I know, this is the worst time to tell you but I can’t just keep acting like it’s nothing. Like I feel nothing… It’s killing me, Ari.” Heeseung finishes, the hint of desperation in his voice causing Ari’s eyes to soften.

“Heeseung…” Ari lets out, not too sure how to respond. “I’m sorry. I know you’re upset and I just sprung all my feelings onto you, I should never have-”

“Heeseung.” Ari cuts him off, her tone a little sterner at the sound of his rambling. Heeseung bites his lips nervously as he awaits his fatal rejection. “Listen… you’re amazing, Heeseung…”

And there it goes. The infamous line is one he’s heard many times in his life. It starts off as a sweet compliment, almost tricking him into thinking there’s a possibility that just maybe they return his feelings. But all the hope of reciprocation goes out the window as soon as the word but is mumbled. You’re amazing Heeseung but just as a friend. You’re amazing Heeseung but you’re too much for me.

“Heeseung.” Ari repeats for a third time, once again breaking him out of his thoughts. He lets out a hum to let her know he’s listening, his eyes zoning in on a particularly interesting thread on his shirt. “Can you look at me, please?” Ari asks softly, reaching out to gently pull his hand away from the thread - hoping her touch will help to ease his mind in some way.

Heeseung reluctantly brings his eyes up to meet hers, trying to ignore the way his hand practically goes numb from the warmth of her own. Like it’s ascended to heaven from her touch alone. Ari sends him a small smile before continuing what she’s saying:

“Heeseung, I want you to believe me 100% when I say that you are one of the nicest, most considerate guys I’ve ever met. And I am so lucky to have someone like you in my life, who sees me and cares for me the way that you do.”

But… There’s always a but…

“But… it’s just not gonna work. Not right now, at least.”

Heeseung’s eyebrows furrow at her words. Usually rejections are so blatant and obvious, you’d be a fool to go away with any questions. So why is Ari rejecting him in a way that still leaves him with hope?

“You have been nothing but sweet and patient and attentive towards me and my feelings. You deserve to be with someone who will give you the same back, if not more. I’m sorry but… I don’t think I can do that for you right now… and I don’t know how long it’ll be until I can.”

Ari finishes her sentence with a gentle squeeze to Heeseung’s hand. He slowly lets go of the breath he was holding, being sure to squeeze back. “I understand.” He says quietly, a small smile on his face.

If there’s one thing Heeseung doesn’t know how to do, it’s give up. What sounded like a perfectly normal rejection to most people sounded completely different to Heeseung’s head. Because to him, the difference between no and not now is ginormous. And Ari didn’t tell him no.

The drive back to Heeseung’s apartment is equally as silent as the one before. Despite the relationship between the two not changing the way Heeseung would have liked, he can’t help the small smile on his face and the sudden feeling of freedom in his heart.

They mumble soft goodbyes as Heeseung gets out of the car, Ari winding down her window to watch him walk to his door. Before he can think, Heeseung turns back around to face her - causing Ari’s eyebrows to furrow with confusion.

“I’ll wait for you. As long as you’ll let me.” Heeseung says, holding out his pinkie as a promise. They both know what he means, and the thought alone brings a smile to Ari’s face.

Jay is a good friend. He reads people easily, noticing the small signs of what someone might be thinking. It’s definitely not psychic, but if there’s anyone in the world who’s close - it would be him.

Which is why he’s mentally beating himself up. Heeseung sits across from him at the campus cafeteria, happily eating his sandwich. And for the first time in their years of friendship, Jay can’t tell what he’s thinking.

It’s no secret that Heeseung has been oddly private recently… especially since he’s someone who’s known to share his life events with anyone willing to listen. Ever since the whole thing with Ari fell through (Jay assumes, since Heeseung hasn’t mentioned her in months) Heeseung hasn’t shared the story around his love life with any of the guys.

Speaking of the devil, Heeseung’s eyes light up as he sends a cheerful wave towards someone behind Jay - that someone turning out to be none other than Ari.

She politely bows to Jay before turning to face her friend. “I thought you had a lecture?” She asks. “Yeah but the cafeteria was gonna close and I really wanted a sandwich.” Heeseung says, motioning to the snack he’s currently holding. “You’re such a dork.” Ari giggles, glancing at the clock before her eyes widen. “Oh shit, I’ve got work.” She exclaims, pulling her phone out of her pocket to text someone. “I’ll call you later.” She continues, affectionately squeezing Heeseung’s shoulder before leaving.

Jay’s eyes stay furrowed with confusion, even as Heeseung turns back to face him. “What’s wrong?” Heeseung asks, taking another bite of his sandwich. Jay shakes his head slightly, looking down at his own food. “Nothing I just… I didn’t know you two were still talking.” Jay shrugs.

Now it’s Heeseung’s turn to be confused. He and Ari talk everyday? She even comes around every Thursday night and makes Tacos with him and Ni-ki. Why would Jay think they stopped talking?

The realisation suddenly hits him. Ever since he confessed, he hasn’t felt the need to mention Ari or his feelings towards her to the other guys. Since nothing will be coming from it anytime soon, he figured it’d be best to stop annoying them about it.

“Oh, yeah she rejected me a couple months back.” Heeseung says nonchalantly, causing Jay to look at him in shock. “It’s all good though. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and everything stayed basically the same. I just don’t talk about her cause… y’know, not like anything’s happening.” He continues. “Oh, well that’s good to know.” Jay nods, causing Heeseung to smirk at his friend.

“Why… do you miss gossiping about my love life?” He asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I’m not Sunoo.” Jay groans, rolling his eyes but smiling at his friend nonetheless. “Don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know if anything changes.” Heeseung says, happily taking a bite of his sandwich.

Heeseung still isn’t the best when it comes to love. But he’s certainly learning. This time last year, he would’ve had his week of crying and moved onto someone new. It’s honestly refreshing for Jay to see such a change in his friend. And if he knows anything about Heeseung, it’s that he doesn’t change for just anyone. Which means that this Ari girl must be pretty darn special.

[top-vi]

Team Black has interesting characters, but I need them to have more conflict with one another to see them truly

shine.https://www.reddit.com/r/HouseOfTheDragon/s/nPLxtAKy0u

Thoughts on this post?

i don't necessarily believe team black needs to have more conflict to be interesting, but i do wish their characters were explored more (i expect them to be in s2). however, i think it would be a massive shame if they don't explore some of the interesting dynamics between these characters that would exist, whether they are shown or not.

that said, i do think there will be conflict brewing. we can already see it in the promotion of the rhaenyra/daemon relationship. there's only a certain amount of real conflict that can be shown, bc overall i do think they are a much more functional family than team green and much of the interesting parts of the characters' relationships are internal.

here is just a list i can think of off the dome that i hope are alluded to or explored more in s2:

rhaenyra and rhaenys. rhaenys has already spoken about how they'll never let a woman rule, yet goes to war and dies for rhaenyra anyways. why? is it hope? true belief? just plain old love? i'd love to know

rhaenyra and her relationship to actually wanting the crown. imo she's seen the iron throne as an extension of her father's love, but after luke and jace's deaths, how much does she truly desire it?

rhaenyra and daemon in regards to daemon not listening to rhaenyra's orders and desires. i cannot wait to see the full scene of her finding out about b&c, and i think the scene where she asks if daemon truly accepts her as queen will be incredibly important

rhaenyra and daemon in regards to alicent. now, obviously i'm excited to see alicent and rhaenyra's dynamic in s2, but i am also intrigued by how rhaenyra and daemon's relationship will suffer for it. daemon has made it very clear that he wants all of team green dead, so how does he react when rhaenyra lets alicent live? not well i presume

jace and his relationship to aegon 3 and viserys 2. does he resent them for being the perfect targaryen princes that he is not (visibly, at least)? does he love them anyways? does he even think about those little kids?

jace and his relationship to daemon. its kinda obvious there's tension there already. can't want to see if/how it is expanded on, especially if it becomes obvious that daemon does not, in fact, respect rhaenyra as a true ruling queen

the dragon twins and their relationship to rhaenyra and their father. i worry they won't get as much development as they deserve, but i hope that there is at least a measure of character exploration (specifically: i really really want to see what they do with rhaena)

with rhaena in particular, i also really hope they don't give nettles's role to her. they probably will, just based on the promotion so far, but i find rhaena's lack of a dragon and insecurity about being "useless" in the war effort a particularly fascinating thing to explore if they choose to go that direction.

i could probably think of more if i tried, but that's just kinda the main things i hope to see from team black's side. i believe the only real conflict will be between daemon and rhaenyra, but i would loooove to further delve into the nature of everyone's relationships and roles within team black

[zaimta]

T.M.I

zai says: i think imma release these every friday, when the other ones come out yall will be able to tell that this was the first one i did also i'm gon milk this arc till the day i die n y'all know this

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you looked in the mirror in disgust, you hated what you saw, nothing but a broken person who couldn't even stay true to what they believed in. nothing more than a puppet being toyed with by the puppet master.

you and freed walked side by side to the church, he could tell you were feeling a slight amount of guilt but he had yet to figure out something that was bothering him “y/n. it’s clear that laxus will only listen to you at this point. but maybe he is beyond that point…however, i must ask why haven’t you told him to call this all off? it’s clear you don’t want much to do with this. so why y/n? why do you fight for something you don’t believe in?”

“because i-”

“damnit!” you shouted at the memory flooding your brain, you clutched your head looking down at your feet, and you then felt tears streaming down your cheek “why wasn’t i strong enough? i’m pathetic.”

back then you knew the answer to his question and you still do now, your guilt was eating you alive not allowing you to think clearly

your arms fell slack by your sides and you fell to your knees, tears still streaming down your cheeks

“maybe i’m just a fool freed.” he sent a smile your way his eyes screamed pity, just a pitiful glare for a shameful idiot and you hated every second of it.

“i should have done more back then, anything would have been better than this outcome. i was too weak to stop it, i was just a love-sick fool who was blinded by that fact. after all this time did he even love me back? was i following him blindly just for him to not even love me back?” despite all the fond memories you made your doubts triumph over everything you knew and what he told you.

shame flooded your mind, you felt embarrassed to feel this way, to wallow in your own shame and regret. these feelings were all too familiar to you and you hated every last second of it, every pitiful millisecond was nothing short of hell to you, he was long gone and out of your life but yet your doubts in your relationship still followed you.

“please…make it stop.” you mumbled weakly as if your pleas would be heard while your tears flowed like a river.

“because i loved him. no matter how many people i had to hurt i wanted to see him happy again.”

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry stupid self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts

you don’t know but you picked yourself and decided to go to the guild hopefully some time around your friends would do you some good, and there it was again the pitty glances, you smiled throughout them all but there was only so much you could take.

you went to an empty table to clear your thoughts and felt a hand on your shoulder, you tensed up bracing for those words “how are you holding up?” lucy spoke to you as if you were fragile and you could break at any second, or that’s what it felt like to you anyway. you snatched your shoulder away from her grip and sent her a glare “im fine. why does everyone treat me like i’m some fragile thing?”

bet you wish you never asked sorry if i made you sad at least you know now where i'm at

you dropped your shoulders suddenly aware of how tense you were, you groaned and ran a hand down your face “shit. i’m sorry lucy i’m just…tired.”

“y/n im sorry i didn’t mean to-” you cut the celestial mage off “no it’s not your fault you were just trying to check on me.” you felt something run down your cheeks, we’re you crying? after all this time an ‘are you okay’ was what it took to get to you. you excused yourself and headed into the bathroom, it was pathetic you felt like a failure crying in a public restroom. you were nothing more than a waste of space who couldn’t have anything go your way.

“it’s all my fault. maybe if i was more firm?? who am i kidding maybe if i said something anything he still would have been here.” you think to yourself causing your tears so flow like a river down your face.

you looked in the mirror and saw the weakest person you ever saw, and it took everything in you not to smash that mirror.

“y/n?” evergreen said while knocking on the bathroom door “im coming in okay?” she walked into the bathroom and noticed the tears on your cheeks and she wordlessly wiped them away and sighed “what am i going do with you n/n? we’ve got to get you a better coping mechanism” she chuckled quietly at her own joke, she pulled down her dress so it was at least covering her legs and sat on the floor, she patted the spot next to her with a gentle smile inviting you to sit. you wordlessly sat next to her with your knees pulled up to your chest.

“i know this is hard on you right now, but you can’t keep pushing us away we’re here for you…freed told me how you have been feeling.” you sighed deeply “so you know everything?” she shook her head “i only know freed’s assumptions, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay but you can’t keep letting your emotions eat you alive it’s not healthy for you y/n.”

the two of you sat there in silence for a while, you broke the silence with a small sigh and began opening up to evergreen about how you’ve been feeling “i feel like it’s all my fault ever…i feel like i could have done more maybe if i said something this whole thing wouldn't have happened or maybe he wouldn’t have been kick out of the guild” you pull your knees closer to your chest as you speak “i loved him ever, and now i might not even see him again.”

evergreen rested her hand on yours with a soft smile, you looked at her and her eyes didn’t scream pitty nor did they feel as if they were looking down at you and it was comforting “you don’t have to be guilty for anything y/n, we all made the choice to follow his plan…and he’s quite the ambitious man you know that, no matter what he would have seen his plan through till the end.”

you returned the smile “yea you’re right” the smile didn’t reach your eyes and she knew that, she knew you needed time how much time was all up to you however.

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry super self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts if you knew me better, you would like me worse t.m.i

[luv-applejuice]

The reason why I started cutting again after being clean for ten years

(Forewarning: Long Personal Post)

Hi there. If you decide to read this, thank you, and I hope my story is interesting to you, or perhaps even makes you think. If I put in as many details as I want to, it will be unfathomably long, so I’ll try to just summarize the key points, but I’m perfectly happy to share more details with anyone who may be curious.

I like to go by Eve, and (like many of us) I intentionally cut myself for the first time when I was around thirteen years old. The reason why I cut for the first time back then is a story for another day (but a story I will share on request nonetheless). In other words, it isn’t imperatively relevant to this one. The most important information to be gleaned from it is that at the time, I was in an abusive relationship, and I was involved in a widespread school scandal that caused my autonomy and privacy to be publicly violated by the staff and the students alike. It was a horrible ordeal where I was shamed, ridiculed, harassed, and belittled. My only choice back then was to transfer over to an entirely different school district.

At the time, I was terrified that my reputation would follow me, and I wanted a fresh start, so I forced myself to stop cutting. Though, now, as I look back at that time through the eyes of an adult, I had always continued to self-harm in other ways (such as having lots of risky sex and similar such things). I desperately hid my scars from discerning eyes, and miraculously, no one, including my parents, ever found out. I was by no means living a normal life, as I still dealt with lots of bullying and harassment, but my situation, at least, wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been at my previous school.

Little by little, my situation began to shift. I went from surviving a suicide attempt to being recognized for my performances. Eventually, I was accepted into college on scholarship and was able to leave my hometown behind. Along with some painful memories, the times I had cut had begun to fade into obscurity and feel more and more distant. The scars too, began to fade almost as if they really were just a bad dream.

I think it’s important to clarify, however, that just because I wasn’t cutting anymore doesn’t mean I was automatically happy. Though I wasn’t actively indulging in it, I always retained a fascination for it that I had consciously repressed. It was something I hid, just like the marks themselves. At some point, I became someone who prided themselves in being someone in “impeccable control of themselves” but also simultaneously someone who suppressed my genuine emotions by default.

Ten years passed.

I was clean for a decade.

It should have, but it didn’t really garner me much of a sense of accomplishment. I guess I really didn’t put much thought in to it. Maybe it’s because no one ever found out in the first place, so no one was ever there to tell me “good job.”

I had recently graduated college after more rocky years that continued to be chock full of elaborate bullying campaigns, and I was lined up for a job I had always wanted and that made a decent amount of money. I got hired, moved to an apartment close by, and quickly bonded with some of my new coworkers. I did great work and was well-liked by my supervisors. For what might have been the first time in my whole life, I felt like I belonged someplace.

Amongst this new group of friends was a very beautiful girl who was also quite an internet celebrity. Really, beautiful is a bit of an understatement- she’s the kind of supermodel-level stunning that teens everywhere try to emulate. She’s so pretty that she can get whoever and whatever she wants. She’s so strikingly hot that a group of people on the internet genuinely banded together to celebrate her eighteenth birthday. That’s the kind of person this girl is. She’s also completely covered in self-harm scars.

I was shocked, and maybe even a little scandalized the first time I saw her. She was very clearly openly cutting in front of her friends, coworkers and bosses. To be completely honest, I developed a bit of a shitty attitude about it. I decided that it wasn’t appropriate to make me look at these semi-fresh cuts every single day when I was trying to work. I decided that it wasn’t fair to shove it in my face after I had struggled for so long. Before you judge me too harshly, please remember that these actions would have been inconceivable for me based on my life experience up until that point. In reality, I think I was just secretly burning with jealousy.

“Why did I have to go to such lengths to hide myself but she gets no consequences for flaunting it all? How is it fair that she can get so much special treatment just because she’s tall and rich and pretty? If people are so nice to her, why weren’t they ever nice to me? Is there really such a big difference between her and I?”

I hated her. I wanted desperately to have sex with her. I wanted us to be friends.

These were the kinds of selfish feelings I experienced at the time.

She and I became something in between friends and enemies. (Rivals?) It really wasn’t anyone’s fault- unfortunately, the two of us got compared to each other in the workplace quite often and became forcefully tied into an inconvenient little packaged duo. It was only natural- we’re both openly neurodivergent, we have the same style and the same interests, and we even got hired on the same day. We even LOOK very similar– only, her features all seem like slightly more polished versions of mine. It’s justified that we felt an unfortunate instinct to try to one-up each other.

That said, however… I felt as if I was living in her shadow. Not one single day would pass without customers falling over themselves to get her number, whereas the stacks of harassment reports I had to file just kept piling and piling up. I started getting treated as a discount version of her by regular customers and coworkers alike. One of the only things I was able to claim for myself was that at least I behaved more “appropriately” by concealing my old marks.

I think….. she had everything I never ever even knew I wanted.

Unfortunately, that time I spent at the job I loved was cut short.

One of the oldest members of the company with a fondness for hazing all of the new female hires thought it would be fun to make up some rumors about me…. maybe it’s because I had already become such a hot topic at work lately, but the gossip spread like wildfire and I think grew thrice the size of what she had intended. It mutated and morphed the way that gossip does and eventually made its way to the supervisors. With my job in peril, I quickly tried to file a claim with HR and contact the owners, but for anyone who’s ever worked in an American company…. Yeah. You know how it is. The heads saw an image-ruining scandal brewing and terminated me without doing so much as an investigation. The only good thing that came of it is that my termination was so unfair and uncalled for that the company ended up unionizing immediately after… but it was too late for me. Everything I worked so hard for burnt up in an instant and I was left with nothing but embers. I found myself shamed, ridiculed, harassed, and belittled. I found myself right back where I started. The girl with all the pretty scars, of course, continues to excel there to this day.

I was faced with a cruel reality. “Where did all that self-righteousness ever get me? How did I ever benefit from that false sense of superiority? Did I ever once gain anything from lying to myself? Did concealing everything let me keep my job or my friends? Did anything I do ever really matter?”

Thus… I finally relapsed and my ten year celibacy was broken. It’s been only six months and it’s an interesting feeling to do it again. I’m sort of learning how to do it in a way that feels good for me all over again. I feel like I got my virginity back. It’s scary, it’s liberating, it’s exciting, it’s pleasureful, and it’s difficult all at the same time. For now, it feels like it’s what’s good for me here in this moment. I’m happy that I’ve chosen to do what empowers me. And if I ever do decide to stop someday…. It will be because I myself want to do it, not out of fear and shame.

Maybe I’ll be brave enough to wear my scars proudly someday like her.

I’m a little better now than I was six months ago. Now you’re caught up and you know all about me, dear stranger.

This isn’t a post telling anyone that they need to recover, and it’s also not a post telling anyone they shouldn’t or that it’s pointless to. It a post telling you that cutting doesn’t automatically fix 100% of your problems, and being clean doesn’t automatically make you happy either. I think I’d like to live in a world someday where it isn’t completely demonized or completely worshipped. Until then…hang in there and practice good aftercare. And thanks for reading this far.

…….Let me know if you want me to change out your bandages for you. Maybe you can do the same for me?

－Eve

[ms-all-sunday]

Sanji didn't mind being out for watch during the nighttime- he usually got early night shifts so he could get enough sleep in the morning before preparing everyone's breakfast, usually for that time at least the Marimo was awake and then he'd have some amount of company, but for tonight he was all alone. Smoking as a blanket laid haphazardly over his body and a pillow behind his back.

The cool air of night hung around him in the crows nest and for a brief moment the merry- a ship with a notoriously loud crew even by Sanjis standards, was slient.

Only for a moment.

"Cook. Do you mind if I join you?"

"Robin?"

She poked her head above the entrance to the latter, just enough that you could see her eyes from under her bangs and the top of the bridge of her nose.

"Sorry. Did I come at a bad time?"

"No! I'm just surprised. It's cold and you don't usually stay up this late."

"Hm. Well. I'm up here now. You wouldn't mind company?"

He looked suspiciously at her. "... I wouldn't."

Robin is wearing a coat over her nightgown, which makes her look a bit less ghostly than usual. Would Sanji have to share his blankets? Yes. And he doesn't mind, he runs hot anyways. The only thing he regrets is not getting another pillow as Robin settles down across from him, the blanket covering all of the floor of the crows nest.

"I admit that this conversation isn't totally on a whim, I wanted to ask you something before we next to the next island."

The shipbuilding island.

He nods. "Anything for you."

"No, that's exactly it. Why don't you flirt with me like you do a lot of other women? I'm not complaining.

Well. Hm, that isn't exactly the whole truth is it? It's more complicated than that.

Regardless, you don't seem like you expect anything romantic from me or have romantic feels for me at all, I'm curious about that. You're so committed, I never thought your dedication would waver in this respect."

Sanji looked surprised and took a drag of his cigarette.

"Okayyy, for one, I do have a crush on you."

"Then why-"

"I'm insulted that you would think I didn't."

"Yes. Okay. Sorry. Regardless, that only makes the question more interesting."

"I don't seem like I have romantic feelings for you, I would guess, because... Uh."

Why does he do that? Why put a thin veil over being attracted to Robin and nobody else?

"You're smart and funny and it'd be a shame to limit myself when talking to you."

"Nami is smart and funny."

Sanji laughs and Robin smiles.

"Nami is different you know that. I mean that I don't have any chance with you, so thinking about our relationship from a romantic angle is... Unhelpful? Even though I have a crush on you doesn't mean I think flirting regardless of anything is appropriate. I have to know when to apply it to a conversation. It's like a seasoning. Plus, there's more to admire if I don't limit myself to flirting with you. Being friends is better on all accounts."

"Friends where one of them is in love with the other. Understandable. I honestly thought any romantic... vibes? I got where just apart of the rouse that you do."

He sputters. "It's not an act! Not fake-"

"Yes. I've mentioned your interactions with Nami once in this conversation already, do you want me to cite my sources beyond that or do we just want to leave it at that? Sorry, maybe it would be better to call it an excuse with her-"

"It's kind of a rouse, fine, contextually! It wasn't a rouse with you. I'm legitimately in love with you. It's kind of fucking hard not to be."

"Oh? How so?"

"Why is it, that when I tell the women I have crushes on that I'm in love with them, they don't believe me?"

She smirks. "You have a type, clearly."

Sanji takes a deep breath. "You're elegant, your voice calms me down, you're funny, you're unbelievably strong, you're insightful, you help me even though I don't ask for it, you know things about me that nobody else does and for once in my fucking lifetime I'm actually okay with none of my defences working against another person in the same way I am with Luffy. But he's him. And you're you. Different."

If the lighting was better, Sanji could see Nico Robin blush.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure. You believe me now?"

"I do. Somehow I thought it would be more surface level than that."

"People have been telling me I give off that vibe recently. I've gotta fucking change that."

...

"I want to sit next to you."

"Sure."

Sanji moves to sit next to Robin. She remains taller than him, even sitting down, by the few inches difference between them. She has an indescribable expression on her face, it seems distant. Maybe longing. There are a million words she wants to say and they all die in her throat.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No." She says softly. I did.

"You can lean into me if you want."

She does.

The texture of his dress-shirt was softer than she'd have imagined. She can't cry in front of him- none of this was planned out in her head.

Just get curiosity out of the way. This is the way it has to go- she tells herself. And despite intending it as comfort, the words in her head only twist the knife deeper inside her.

Making her want to cry more.

And so she does, softly, in the exact way Sanji can't see or hear but he can feel. While her mind is elsewhere, she can't realize she's being held.

[avengernomore]

Quiz results~

"Quite a turnout... now, let's see..."

"Seems Sasori has quite an intelligence network..."

"As is to be expected of my top fangirl-turned-wife~... oh, and as I mentioned earlier, Sasori and Ino, having gotten full marks, do get a request. As long as it's nothing too drastic, so, no, Sasori, you can't kill me and make my body into a puppet."

"...I have no idea who this is, but nice try. 6 isn't a super high score, but you still managed to place 3rd."

"Not sure how I feel about a stranger getting such a score..."

"I think I've given Karin enough grief over her score already... it's not like I did better on her test or anything..."

"I guess Sasori didn't share his intel with you... and that your intelligence gathering on Itachi to try and beat him didn't involve looking up on me. A lot of it is also from after you died trying to kill me, though, so I suppose you can be forgiven."

"And it seems my wife-to-be got a very disappointing score... Shame on you, Sakura! Your punishment is to kiss me until I say you can stop~"

"And now, I'll talk about the questions that most people got wrong!"

"A LOT of people thought the jutsu I dislike using the most is Amaterasu. While it is... painful to use at times, I can at least control it, so I can control how much damage is does. Whereas the Chidori... it's usually pretty fatal, not matter where you hit. Stabbing a large hole in someone's body usually results in death by blood loss, even if you miss the heart. And I don't like killing. Most of the jutsu I developed from the Chidori are non-fatal, after all."

"A surprisng amount of people didn't know that Danzo was the one I hate the most... although I guess most people wouldn't know the reason why. I do hate everyone on that list though. And it seems either someone got lucky or remembered that I dislike my RTN version for his empty flattery."

"Quite a few people didn't know that I'm working most on my taijutsu... it's one of the areas I'm weakest in, along with genjutsu, but... I'm at least decent enough at genjutsu to get along, as well as having some natural talent in it thanks to my Sharingan. My physical stamina could also be better, but that'll get better as I train my taijutsu."

"A couple of people thought that crows were the animals I accept most in the Uchiha compound... and I don't chase them away, but cats are the ones I welcome most."

"A couple of people also thought that Itachi was the one I miss the most... My relationship with Itachi is... complicated. Even more complicated than my relationship with my father. My mother is the one I miss the most." He is a mama's boy.

"People also tended to think that Sakura or Ino where the ones I found most attractive out of the girls who have shown interest in me, but honestly, in default universes? Temari is the one who interested me the most, the one I found the most attractive. Mostly physically, though. Not to say that Ino and Sakura were unattractive, but their behaviour was... off-putting, to say the least."

[witheredoffherwitch]

Yeah I agree with the last anon. I definitely don’t think all stories should be catered to us but it is kind of laughable to see the amount of unfiltered misogynistic discourse directed towards her and people consuming these stories always rooting for her to die so that him and the wattpad-esque OC can end up together. It’s definitely a trend and as the anon said, very much eye-roll worthy and unoriginal. It’s fine if people want to practice their writing skills ofc but a huge part of being a writer is being able to accept criticism and feedback related to the sort of the themes and tropes we use in stories. I think this is oftentimes conflated with “hate” and that’s just not the case. The “evil witch” trope has been around since fairytales existed and I get why people find it lazy because it inherently is.

Hi nonnie, hope you're doing well.

I do not condone this point of view. Every fanfic writer is allowed to create and narrate their own rendition of these stories however they wish. I believe shaming or even 'taunting' these authors is the worst course of action here. In fact, constantly questioning these genres/tropes can sometimes bring them into the spotlight - Lucemond and Jonsa are two great examples! I personally read stories filtered under both of these tags and have met with a great deal of pushback from other shippers for liking or even promoting these stories on my page. Fanfic writers put in a great deal of time and energy into writing these stories for free, without seeking any financial gain from their readership. Therefore, there is no significant loss for a reader who may dislike a story. While art is certainly open to criticism and interpretation, it's different from critiquing a more financially incentivized book or film aimed at a wider audience.

Secondly, I understand why you feel so exasperated - it is disheartening to witness the frequent rejection of Alys' character. I'm more sympathetic to those who view her as a victim in this dynamic - something of a 'war trophy' for Aemond. What really irritates me is how some downplay Aemond's power in the relationship, making him out to be a victim. If Ewan's portrayal hadn't gotten so much traction, I don't think many people would have even noticed Alys' role in his storyline - or perhaps they'd be applauding her for 'bewitching' him and ultimately sending him to his death.

That being said, I don't think fanfictions are the main issue here. Do people make Alys into an evil temptress and diminish her role as the other woman? Yes! However, we have yet to see her appear onscreen and we're still unaware of what direction the show will go in. With recent rumors that Nettles and Daeron may not make an appearance (which I'm desperately hoping isn't true), many Alysmond shippers are now concerned that Alys will be given the original arc between Nettles/Daemon before Aemond enters the picture. If this is the case, how fucking disappointing! As an Alysmond shipper, these fanfictions are the least of my worries. Other fanfic writers will keep crafting content for these two in the future - I'm positive of that.

I still believe (hope?) that Alys' character will gain popularity when she's introduced in the show but until then, it's best to maintain a healthy dose of caution when discussing them.

That's all 🤗